#superklutz rambles

[superklutzkent]

battinson would be the most embarrassing dad ever. when i picture him looking after little dick grayson i see him in an mcr shirt wearing sunglasses while at a parent teacher conference. he can't make eye contact with any of the teachers, parents or even the kids who stare at him when he comes to collect dick from the schoolyard.

meanwhile dick doesn't see what's so embarrassing about him (everyone else does, even alfred) and instead asks bruce if they can have matching shirts because he wants to look like him and battinson tears up when dick shows him a mini mcr shirt wearing shades that are far too big for his tiny face and goes "ok"

just imagine battinson dressed like that. and by his side is a 9 yr old dick wearing the same outfit trying to mimic bruce's stoic expression. adorable.

[superklutzkent]

thinking about a prompt where multiverse shenanigans occur and the batfam meet alternate versions of themselves and they're just relatively unfazed about it all, they're vibing and talking with the alternate batfam members so casually UNTIL tim drake's joker junior dramatically enters the room and everyone collectively starts freaking out.

tim is horrified because there's an alternate version of himself that's jokerized of all things. jason can't stop staring at him, shellshocked. dick's trying to comfort tim while also trying to calm himself down and damian. damian is cornering junior with a knife and hissing at him like a feral cat. but junior himself is literally just cracking the worst jokes ever about the whole situation, not even bothered.

meanwhile, bruce is just across the room sitting there like:

[superklutzkent]

imagining kon coming over to the manor one day to hang with tim and it's jason who answers the door. jason, who looks him over silently for a few moments before proceeding to ask, deadly serious “so, what are your intentions with my brother?”

and kon just stands there, perplexed and so very confused as jason then continues to give him the full shovel talk. it's goes a little something like this towards the end

Jason, after five minutes of just straight up threatening him: You might be 50% Supes but you're still partially human, you have human weaknesses, so killing you won't be much of a challenge.

Kon, absolutely fucking terrified, he hasn't blinked for the entire time: ...

Jason: Anyway, treat him good or else you're dead - also don't touch the pizza in the kitchen, that's mine. Have fun.

kon and tim hang out in his room and watch some movies together, tim notices that he's been weirdly quiet and asks him what's wrong. kon just smiles and assures him he's fine even though he's literally just had the fear of god drilled into him, after he leaves tim meets the other batfam members in the dining room and mentions kon's off behaviour to which jason immediately grins at

Jason: Oh, I just talked to him a little.

Tim: What did you say to him? He looked like he was gonna pass out.

Jason: I just told him to treat you right, that's all. I might've threatened him just a bit but he got the message.

Tim: ...treat me right?

Tim: *realizes*

Tim: WHAT- WE'RE NOT EVEN DATING?!

Jason, casually drinking from his mug: Oh, well. He knows then, just in case.

Tim: WHY.

anyway a few months later tim and kon are actually dating now and he comes by again, locks eyes with jason who just grins and does a little slicing motion on his neck and the look on kon's face is priceless, jason cackles silently like a madman and dick is so very concerned at this point but he's too tired to ask.

[superklutzkent]

when they introduce little orphan dick grayson into battinsons life i want them to make it so that dick has so much excess energy that bruce is lost. he's standing there, running on zero sleep and there's a 9 year old literally doing backflips off his walls and hanging from the chandelier at 4am. i don't want angry, angsty or vengeful dick like in some adaptations i want dick who's allowed to be a child, he's already lost his family and now he has a chance for another and as much as he'll continue to miss his parents he also knows they'd want him to be happy in his new home. and he's trying to be, because i really likes it there with bruce and alfie.

anyway. disaster batdad bruce trying to take care of gremlin child dick, it's not easy at all. alfred is chill though, he helps bruce take care of dick and gives him a few parenting tips that he used on bruce himself and it's all good in the end!

well, at least until dick becomes robin.

[superklutzkent]

alfred is actually just some eldritch being that was watching over humanity for years and years. he took on a human appearance to blend in, he found the wayne's by chance - staying with them to study and learn more about the way people acted, but when thomas and martha were killed he decided to stay amongst humans solely for the reason of looking after, protecting, and raising bruce. because he'd grown rather fond of people, well most people. maybe just bruce.

bruce never suspects anything. not even when alfred's been in situations where he should've died, he doesn't question it, he's just glad he's alright. none of the batkids ever suspect it either, to them alfred is just alfred and they love him all the same. they don't even think that he probably should be getting a bit old throughout the years, bruce never even wonders why he looks the same as he did twenty years ago. maybe he ponders it a little, but whatever, he can think about it later.

alfred is just happy to be with his family, even if they're a little oblivious at times.

[superklutzkent]

i've seen fics like this before but au where during his initial attempts to kill tim when breaking into titans tower, jason actually succeeds.

BUT HEAR ME OUT. so tim is, yeah tim's dead. and instantly jason regrets what he's done, he's crying he's shouting he's screaming himself hoarse because he never meant for it to get to this point. meanwhile, tim's a ghost now - he follows jason around because it's all he can do. jason thinks he's finally cracked completely and gone insane, he doesn't believe that tim's ghost is actually there but he is. somehow, not even tim knows why, but here's there.

anyway the whole thing is tim annoying jason and, he's angry at he killed him at first, but after a few weeks of seeing just how messed up jason is he realizes he wasn't exactly in his right mind. so yeah tim demands he seek therapy, any sort of thing that'll help him, jason is reluctant because he still isn't sure if he's even real but hey - he doesn't see the harm in trying.

eventually they learn to tolerate one another since it seems tim is gonna be haunting him indefinitely, they become brothers and tim helps jason when confronting bruce - bruce can't see him, but i'm thinking despite everything he'd still welcome jason back eventually after being angry for quite some time. also thinking that when damian comes along, he can see tim too and they get along just as well as you'd expect.

(prank wars. living vs dead)

jason never told anyone that he could see the ghost of his little brother (who he killed) out of fear they'd think him to be crazy. but when damian mentions tim in passing to bruce, startled, he asks him what he means and when his son tells him he can barely believe it. but he does. once the shock wears off. and he starts talking aloud to him, he apologizes constantly, even though he can't see him - tim talks back, and he tells him it's not his fault. and he sits and listens as bruce tells him about things he missed, about everything they used to when he was still there.

and tim. he almost feels alive for a moment.

[superklutzkent]

thinking about an au where kon, has had it up to here with the shenanigans this new thief keeps pulling. every night he comes close to catching him but every night he slips away. it's become a sort game between the two and kon is finding it less and less amusing as it goes on. catlad loves it though. he loves teasing the superhero, he loves letting him come close to catching him just to get a glimpse of his face before slipping away and repeating the cycle all over again.

at least that is until kon finally manages to catch and confront him. but catlad doesn't mind, he reckons the hero deserves a win before he gets away again and they can continue their little game. his unfazed demeanour is enough to thrown kon off, he expected him to put up a fight at least. he's left speechless, partially because he's surprised he's finally caught the elusive thief and also because said thief is currently smiling at him and wow he's actually really handsome close up.

catlad, still smiling and still oddly calm given the situation he's in only tilts his head and says "what's wrong superboy, cat got your tongue?"

[superklutzkent]

to all my mutuals here that i barely interact with know that i cherish you all i just think you're too cool and i'm too scared to start a conversation so i settle for liking and reblogging your posts to show i appreciate you instead, it's my love language if you will