#tag triggering content please

[clockw0rkvaudeville]

Hey, person who gets REALLY FUCKING ANXIOUS AND UPSET when seeing political posts and uses tumblr as a safe space here with a big beefy request to broadcast for ya. (extra clarification under read more)

TAG YOUR POLITICAL POSTS. PLEASE.

LET ME CLARIFY AND SAY THAT I AM ALSO VERY WORRIED AND UPSET ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON WITH ORANGE PEEL AND HIS POLITICAL BOYFRIEND MR. TWITTER TOO!! I HATE WHAT THEY DID AND I’M VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE US’ FUTURE!!! I JUST DO NOT HAVE THE ENERGY TO SEE DISCUSSIONS OF IT AND IT AFFECTS MY MENTAL HEALTH!!

This goes for everything political though. Be it about freeing 🇵🇸, 🇺🇦, etc (which I fully support as well), PLEASE please tag your posts with the appropriate tags (it doesn’t have to be #\politics or anything like that if you don’t want it to be. I know a lot of this stuff isn’t just political but human lives at stake).

I know that this is a thing for a lot of other people too. I am very much worried for and in support of a lot of these movements and I have a LOT of feelings about them! The thing is, a lot of the time I can’t handle thinking about it or I’m already actively seeking comfort when I’m on here and seeing this stuff actively makes me spiral or feel even worse. I do what I can in support of these things but I’m not in the space where I can handle thinking about it most of the time.

I am ALL FOR curating your own space online, and I feel like when people try to avoid tags or create new ones to evade people from ignoring these issues, it greatly affects people who can’t handle them or are actively using their social media space to escape current events and reality. I DO NOT want to ignore what is happening in our current world, I wholeheartedly agree it shouldn’t be ignored. Current events are important to me, but you have to understand that not properly tagging these things is the same as not properly tagging nsft, gore, or other triggering topics so that people cannot block them.

I’m not saying ya’ll are doing this on purpose either, but with how much political content I unwillingly see on my dash even though I have went great lengths to block it from my dash, I know it’s becoming an issue.

Please, I beg of you, respect my view on this. I mean well, and I want people to be able to freely talk about these things as much as the next guy, but I want to not have to worry about whether or not I will spiral again next time I open tumblr to look at comforting stuff.

[vulturevanity]

A Father's Purpose

Someone asks Martin if he actually cares about his daughters. He laughs at the joke he thinks they made.

Alternative version and thoughts under the Read More (please read the content warnings in the tags before clicking through!)

Epithet: ☆Dumb☆

Martin Blyndeff is a carefree man.

Despite his uncomplicated character, I have plenty of thoughts on Worst Dad and his impact on his daughters -- particularly Lorelai, but she isn't the focus on this piece and I'll talk about her another day.

I think what gets me about Martin and Molly is how efficient he is at shutting her down. Whether or not he's aware of what he's doing (it doesn't matter), it's really telling how smoothly he's able to do it. In the Museum Arc, he unloads another night shift onto her, rapid-fires excuses for why she has to take the night shift, takes credit for the school worksheet which she filled out, then changes subjects so she'll drop it. And he does it often enough that Lorelai has caught on to it, to the point that the first thing she does in the book is use his name to shut Molly down too. No matter what, if it's up to Martin, then Molly will have to shut up and deal.

I wonder how much of this DARVO-adjacent behaviour is a result of losing Calliope, if at all. I mean, I really, REALLY can't see how someone like Calliope would've fallen for Martin as he is today; we know he's always been the personification of the word "carefree" and Callie was an anxious workaholic mess, but honestly the Martin we see would probably just constantly stress her out even more (which he did sometimes). He was already rather senseless back then, but I can't help but think having Calliope to take on every burden for him for over 15 years and then losing her so suddenly must have exarcebated the learned helplessness. And since Molly was the one who took over, he just went "well I guess it's her job now", dusted off and went right back to his little world of toys and blissful obliviousness.

And speaking of Molly. She was suffering so much in that house, and yes, there have been plenty of walls of text about the verbal and emotional abuse she suffered from Lorelai, but I feel like we don't talk enough about Martin's complete dismissal of her feelings, thoughts and protests, and how deeply that affected her. He was the one who taught her no one would listen to her. He was he reference point Lorelai used to take advantage of her. He parentified Molly and made her bear the brunt of their financial troubles. And he did it all with a genuine smile across his face.

Martin Blyndeff sucks and I think we should talk about him more.

[respawned-dove]

Hi there! Do you think you could make a Sniper x Medic x f!Reader, or just one of f!Reader x Sniper? You could go crazy with it for all I care lol. Thanks!

Hello, dear anon! Please enjoy this combination of headcanons and a brief nsfw fic.

yandere!Medic x yandere!Sniper x f!Reader - Of Dogs & Lambs

[CW: weapons, threats, dubious consent, noncon, reader having an anxiety attack, reader dissociating, stalking, lovebombing, mentions of gore/surgery/blood, manipulation, captivity & kidnapping]

Sniper and Medic are both pretty cruel, all things considered, but in remarkably different ways. And even as partners, they fight over it often. Yet when meeting you, they thought the exact same thing. 'That's going to be ours.'

Sniper takes to his usual habits, stalking from a safe distance. Observing your routine and absorbing any detail he can from five miles away. Diligently reporting back to Medic every night for them to discuss you in private. Sniper describes in detail the beauty of your naked skin seen through your windows, and Medic fantasizes about skinning you as a trophy.

As for Medic, he will not shut up about what lovely organs a nice girl like you must have. How it's been so long since he had a woman to toy with (no offense, Mick) and how you must hurt in such beautiful ways. Sniper finds himself imagining alongside him, only offering his wheezing chuckling and bright red face. They wind up having sex right after discussing you often, but it's not enough, nor does it satiate their growing mutual desire for you.

Sniper couldn't be the one to make the first move - he's far too avoidant when it comes to the delicate nature of socializing - but Medic would be more than happy to. Though it may be hard to even tell he means it romantically. He's the type to say "I want to be inside of you so bad," and mean that surgically, so most people close to him are desensitized to flirtatious sounding quips. You would only notice the severity of his seriousness when his reserved boyfriend steps up with a quick, clarifying, "And me. I wanna be inside you, too."

They're somewhat scary together, leering at you like wild dogs. However, a flash of one or multiple weapons would be enough to stop you from saying no. After all, they clarify, they want you romantically too! And doesn't that make it better? Medic's hands would be on you from the moment a hesitant 'yes' left you, but not aggressively. Not yet.

Wooing you is crucial to your cooperation, Medic has to remind Sniper that night back on base. It's important not to scare women off, don't you know. Medic views women as more delicate socially, but certainly not physically. He knows you can survive whatever he wants to give to you. Sniper is less willing to wait. He wants you, and fast. He's remarkably needy when it comes to physical desire, and you are no exception. It overwhelms his usual - albeit twisted - ideals of rights and wrong, making him more than willing to follow Medic's every plan for you.

It's an unexpected good time, being with them. There's a front being put on, you know that, and you're not stupid. But it is actually pretty nice to watch them fawn all over you in their own ways. Medic is more classically romantic. He buys you lavish gifts and is physical with his affection, a doting boyfriend with only slightly too wide of a smile and lingering hands. Sniper tries to do his own version of the same, taking you to secluded dates with just you two. A nature walk, fishing, fast food, and a night in his van together. Medic takes to referring to you as his 'little lamb,' a nickname so saccharine it melts you. Sniper often rolls his eyes at it, but he has to agree, you're akin to a small, helpless beast, just like the animals he helped raise as a child.

They're so different you wonder how they found each other sometimes. But when the three of you are together, you definitely notice a bit of banter and lingering gazes between them that reassure you they enjoy being all together like this. It's comfortable, and it's starting to make you forget the knives and guns always on their hips.

cont. (small fic begins)

After five months of dating, they take you to 'their house' for the first time. You're a bit suspicious because it honestly looks like a showroom rather than a house. Completely curated and nearly not even lived in. Medic is quick to tell you that it's mostly his home, which softens your anxiety as he does seem a lot neater than Sniper.

They take you on a tour, and it is a lovely home. There's plenty of space, even extra bedrooms, and a fully stocked kitchen. Large grey pinpads are on the outside of most of the doors, a thought that only catches your passing attention with how much they're crowding you and moving you around. They each take one of your hands and pull you towards the master bedroom. You chuckle at the obvious flirtation and let them herd you inside. The bed is large, and the room is decorated in shades of white. You're gazing around and don't have time to notice before Sniper has raised a strikingly large knife to your throat. He clears his throat, mouth hanging open for a moment, but can't seem to say whatever he was meaning to. "Reader, if you would be so kind..." Medic fills in with a firm hand on your shoulder, his tone turning your blood to ice. "Get in the bed."

They guide you to it as Medic locks the door with a button from his pocket. Medic's smile reminds you of a hungry canine as he moves back towards you. You sit down, queasy with anxiety, and they surround you, Sniper behind you with that knife, and Medic in front. Medic's hands are on you instantly, his reddened cheeks creased with a huge smile. He lightly scratches his nails down your arms, staring directly into your eyes as you shudder. "Finally, aheh. I get to touch you! Mick, if you will," he says. That knife moves down your body, slow, teasing in another circumstance, and then swiftly cuts your shirt from your body. A thin scratch pricks up blood, and Medic immediately leans down and laps it from your skin.

"What was it about not scarin' off girls?" Sniper grumbles at him.

They have you between them securely as Medic's fingers wander to his pocket. He pulls out red surgical gloves, and your breath hitches in your throat. "What- what are you doing with those?"

He looks at his gloved hands as if confused. "Er. I am going to touch you, Reader. Your genitalia to be precise. It may be mine now, Haustier, but it's still such a filthy place."

You can't help snorting a laugh at the ridiculousness of his words, even as you start to cry. "Why not just ask? That can't be it. What are you going to do?"

Sniper's laugh rattles in your ears, a smile on him that looks more like baring his teeth as the sharpened blade digs into your neck. "Just this, for now. But... The doc's been having a lotta thoughts about your body. 'Specially the inside of it." He taps the knife's sharp tip against your stomach for emphasis. "He seems to think your organs must be-"

"Something special!" Medic finishes. "But we can save it for the next time. I forgot to mention that this entire house will be yours now, Reader! You can be nothing but ours. Forever, maybe! It will have to stay locked up for, eh, the first few months." His gloves glide down your bare torso, cold and invasive. He leans right to your ear, his breath coming out in a shudder of excitement. "But I'm sure you will adjust. Humans are so adaptable."

"Can we get on with it?" Sniper says testily. You can feel how aroused he is, his body pressed against your back needily. Medic tuts at him, but he does stop wasting time.

It's barely sex, at first. More like Medic aggressively shoving his fingers into you as deeply as he can fit himself, watching you squirm with pain with that knife to your throat. He praises under his breath, swiping his fingers around every corner of your insides. Sniper's mind is definitely also on the physical though, as Medic has only had time to bring you half way towards an only half desired orgasm before an antsy Sniper throws him off of you and pins you to the bed with his blade.

"Remember how we said we both want to be inside you?" he taunts, letting you know exactly what's coming. He stares at you hungrily before licking a tear from your cheek and shuddering. His dick fits in you snugly, only thanks to the fingering, but it's violating no matter how little pain there is. You try to lose yourself in it even though you can't stop crying. You're just having sex with your boyfriends. It's all okay. It even could feel good if you let it. Until Medic climbs towards you, too.

Sniper flips on his back with you laying on his stomach, still speared on him, avoiding his eyes as they try to bore a hole through you. You feel Medic's cock press against your already full hole and gasp, a strangled groan leaving you. "Please, I don't- I can't take you too, please-"

But it goes ignored as Medic slowly presses his larger cock into you. The stretch sends white through your vision, and you can't help starting to cry anew. But Medic soothes you, oddly. Petting your back and cooing in your ear about how much of a baby you're being. "I stretched you enough, Reader, yet you cry on our cocks like a little lamb! Doesn't it feel nice?" His hand reaches around and strokes you, adding to the building pressure in your gut. "Don't you still love us?"

It sounds mocking, but you whimper, knowing there's some truth to it. You're deluding yourself into it. It takes the hurt away from their betrayal.

Before you can think fully, Sniper begins to move, and fast. Both you and Medic groan at the sudden friction, Sniper panting roughly in your ear, hands gripping into your hips hard enough to bruise. Medic bites into your shoulder and starts to thrust too. It all dissolves into a blur of pleasure and fear as you let yourself get lost in sensation, so you don't have to think about the fact that you could have seen this coming from miles away. That it all feels like nothing but your fault for even thinking they could be normal partners.

They pepper your body with cum, decorating you with the fruits of your assault. And you expect, maybe, to be left to rot in that locked bedroom, but instead they carry you to a large shower in the master bathroom and bathe you, then each other. Sniper won't stop whispering apologies and lightly kissing your flesh as he soaps you, some honor code he seems to have broken in his haste to have you, and in his getting swept up in Medic's plans. Medic simply hums cheerfully as he bathes, not even acknowledging the circumstances. The warm water and soap hide your tears from them.

You have a new life now. In a big bedroom, then slowly a big house, all to yourself. They visit daily, if not hourly, when they're off work. You slowly fall into the groove of it, being their little toy. It's not so bad, you repeat to yourself every day. And it's definitely nicer than having to work a job or deal with regular people. At least, that's what you tell your unbelieving reflection each morning. But until they decide they're done with you, you will live here. A doll to be experimented on, a facade of a girlfriend, a house pet to what used to be just lovers, not captors. It was never your choice, from the moment they wanted you as theirs.

[sward-detcader]

Currently working on a photo set for @cordeliawhohung ‘s Touch Me Till I Vomit, aka the Pet!AU. More explanation about the piece is below the cut!

HEED THE TAGS AND IMAGE ID, MDNI

[ID] Soap stands behind Bonnie, his hand tightly holding her face/neck. Bonnie is very obviously in distress, crying, with bruises marking her shoulders and chest. Though not on screen, Soap’s gun shot wound is implicated with blood running down his face and dripping onto Bonnie’s shoulders.

[TAGS] If you don’t like Pet!AU you are not going to like this art. Keep scrolling, themes of abuse, blood, bruises, bite marks, collars, crying, DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT

I’ve been a horror fan for a while now, and especially psychological horror. Core’s AU has really tickled a brain worm for me, this fic has literally kept me awake at night after I first read it. I cannot express how infatuated I am with the horror element, if this was a movie I would be in the theater opening night. It gives me the same thrill movies like The Black Phone and Silence of the Lambs has. I just… god. Yeah. You don’t get a lot of fic writers who are willing to completely delve into the horror side and who are steadfast in their goal and who don’t bend when people are trying to push and pull them to make it more romantic. I love this, and I adore Core.

There are some things that I really tried to incorporate into the piece. I know typically if a mouth is overly detailed or teeth are shown individually it can induce a feeling of discomfort. I also wanted to really highlight the idea of Soap being a dog in this fic, hence the exaggerated canines and the bite mark. I know the color of the collars aren’t accurate to the fic, but in order to make them stand out with the deep red color pallet I opted to make the black more blue leaning than red/brown as one might see in a typical leather collar. I knew, especially after the most recent chapter, that I had to include Soap’s GSW somehow as that’s a key element as to how he also became a victim. I’ll probably do a more expansive breakdown of the art and its meaning later, but rn I need to get to work lol. Please share thoughts on this piece if you’re willing, negative and positive! I’m always looking to improve!

[hrizantemy]

If you don’t like the content you’re seeing on your page block it or block the tags, instead of inserting yourself where you don’t belong and then getting triggered at what you see.

[plasma-tree]

please please please please please don't pair that entire teenager with an elder sim i'm literally begging you it's extremely triggering please don't

Look, as someone who lives with PTSD, I understand that triggering content can be a day ruiner. But we have to manage our own triggers. Ordering someone to change the way they play a game is not a reasonable request. I'm going to do what I want with my sims. Jaybird isn't a teenager, either. She's a young adult. She's also a fictional character. She is not a real person who can be harmed or traumatized.

I'm thirsty over old dudes in the sicknastiest way. If age gap relationships are this deeply triggering for you, you should unfollow. I'm not being catty, I'm not making fun of you. You are responsible for curating your internet experience and following me, knowing I depict age gap relationships in my game, and knowing it's going to trigger you, is just wrong.

[threshasaurus-writes]

In Charge, Chapter 29: Honesty

Fandom: Death Note (no Death Note AU)

Characters: Near, Matt, Mello, L, Teru Mikami, a whole bunch of cameos from canon characters as supporting cast

Ships: Shippy Gen with a friendship triangle (whee!)

Rating: M for violence and Mikami (you'll see) Summary:

Summary:

Matt, Mello and Near work under their mentor, world-famous genius detective L, training to become detectives someday themselves. Matt is generally okay with being in third place when compared to Mello and Near, but things are about to change. When Near suddenly collapses while he and Matt are home alone, the redhead finds himself in charge for the first time ever.

Matt rushes Near to the hospital. Just as a friendship begins to form between the two boys, Mello arrives and complicates the dynamic. Things go from bad to worse, as Near's obsessive nurse Mikami abducts him from the hospital, and Matt, Mello and L must work together to recover him.

(Continuing to add to my Death Note fanfic I first published in 2008. it's only a few chapters from finished after this, so I'm gonna finish it once and for all. We have to get Near some closure for all that I've put him through...

Chapter 1 has detailed content warning info, so be sure to read the author's note!)

Read it here on AO3!

Read it here on FFN!

[brotherlysuggestion]

Hey, for any of my little sibs trying to learn to eat salads/vegetables but running into a lot of unhappiness/failure/sensory issues, I recently started learning to eat veggies after a lifetime of struggling due to autism and sensory issues, and I have some tips that I’ve collected along the way!

Forget all about the “healthiest varieties” or “most nutritional salads” elitism.

A lot of that talk is based on bogus science or half-truths to begin with, but even for anything that’s true, you’re trying to eat in a way that is sustainable for you. You don’t need to be like anybody else. If you like iceberg lettuce, screw the people who say “well that doesn’t have any nutritional value”. It’s fiber and roughage if nothing else! You like a lot of dressing or add ins and people tell you that isn’t a real salad/isn’t a healthy salad? It’s more vegetables than no vegetables! It gets the greens in your body! Do your thing, you don’t deserve guilt (external or internal) for figuring out your own path.

This is about habit forming and breaking bad associations to form better ones.

Think of this as practice! I eat salads nearly daily when available because I genuinely look forward to them now, but I used to want to retch at just the thought of salad. When I used to think of salads, I always thought of being a kid and trying not to gag while forcing sensory hell so that adults wouldn’t get mad at me. It was punishing for me, and it took a lot of gentle work to change that association! So if you hate salads, really try to identify why. Are they bland and tasteless to you? Conversely, are the bitter flavors too strong? Is it a textural thing? Do you have some highly negative experiences with them in the past?

Don’t force yourself to keep trying something you know you hate.

I personally can’t stand a lot of “ultra healthy” salads that have a lot of different textures/flavors mixed in, and years of trying to suffer through salads like that never made me like them more. Back to the first point again, forget about what you’re “supposed” to be eating and eat what you find the least repulsive tbh.

The greens you choose can make a massive difference, so try a lot of different things!

This is especially important if texture or flavor is an issue for you. Personally I find iceberg lettuce the “easiest” because it has a very mild taste. I started out my adventures in learning to eat salad eating EXCLUSIVELY iceberg lettuce. Butter lettuce or romaine (especially romaine hearts) are others that are popular for being pretty palatable, and I’ve come to love them! And you don’t even HAVE to have lettuce! You can have cabbage, beets, carrots, whatever! Pick a vegetable you like and search for salad recipes using it!

Find a dressing you really like and drench that bad boy if you need to!

Some people really like ranch, or poppyseed dressing, or vinaigrettes, or even sweet dressings with honey and fruit! You can use mustard or honey in dressings! Look up different types of salad dressings and try them all out if you want. Personally, I really like zingy dressings like Italian vinaigrettes or blue cheese, but everyone’s different. You can make a lot of dressings at home, too, and if you have the stuff already it can be a cheap way to find what you like. I know dressing freaks some people out, but referencing my very first point again; some salad is way better than no salad. You may even eventually find yourself able to use less and less once you’re more accustomed to eating salad! So use as much as you need, whether it’s just for now or forever.

Toppings! Salads are allowed to be goodies with obstacles!

Use a protein like chicken or fish (I like tuna a lot) or crumbled bacon, use croutons, hummus, little cubes of cheese or shredded cheese, sliced hard boiled eggs, whatever! If there’s vegetables that you know you like, put those in! I love some sliced cucumber or shredded carrots in my salads. Some people do nuts like almonds or cashews in their salads, some people use chickpeas and corn from a can, and if you’re feeling super adventurous you can try some fruit to sweeten things up! If you like variety then mix warm foods and cold foods, creamy textures and crunchy textures! Make it totally your own. Personally, I’ll sometimes eat around my croutons so that once I’ve eaten all of my greens I have a big, crunchy reward. There’s no rules for how you have to eat something!

Conversely, be as simple as you need to be.

If you need to get used to salads by eating just iceberg lettuce and ranch for a while, you don’t need to be embarrassed! You don’t have to throw the kitchen sink at your salad, even if that’s what helps some others! This is about what works for you.

Don’t be afraid to have salad ingredients… not as a salad!

You can make a green smoothie by blending ingredients if texture is your big issue! Or make a fruit smoothie with some spinach or lettuce thrown in to help you ease into it. Or try dicing up some lettuce, cabbage, and a preferred vegetable or two (avocado, bell pepper, tomato, or cucumber would all work!). Drizzle that with a generous amount of dressing or sauce, and you can use it as a chip dip! Tortilla chips work especially well for this. Or maybe make a vegetable wrap in an actual tortilla? Or throw some chopped up vegetables in your next soup. Even if it’s as simple as putting some lettuce, carrots, or tomatoes into a sandwich, that’s awesome too!

Even outside of salads, experiment with texture for vegetables!

You can roast most vegetables on a sheet pan in the oven (or in an air fryer) for a crispy and crunchy experience! Or you can boil or steam them on a stovetop (or in the microwave) to different levels of softness; you can get most vegetables pretty mushy with enough time, if crunchy textures are hard for you! Looking up vegetarian versions of your favorite meat-including dishes can sometimes also offer great ideas for getting different textures out of vegetables! Try everything that you think you might like: grilling, griddling, roasting, steaming, boiling, sautéing, braising, stir frying, and blanching (which also helps reduce bitterness!) are all different methods to look into, and different methods have different results with different vegetables!

Big takeaway…

Be patient and kind with yourself. Working through food aversions is hard. The goal is gently pushing/testing your boundaries and expanding your comfort zone, NOT forcing yourself. Forcing yourself into extreme discomfort, distress, or pain typically only makes aversions worse! So it’s in your best interest to be patient and go as slowly as you need to. Be proud of yourself for trying, and don’t let anyone (including yourself) make you feel shame for doing what you can.

And obligatory disclaimer:

Please don’t get discouraged if none of these tips work for you! This isn’t an exhaustive list, and I’m not any kind of professional. This is just a mix of tips I’ve seen online, and what worked for myself and my own sensory issues, and I’m still learning more about myself all the time! If you’re struggling, there’s still more out there! You can achieve your goals, I believe in you. 💖

[keravnos-kori]

x

[kal-theravenquing]

14 year old me deserved better

we shouldn't have been bullied, our parents shouldn't have emotionally neglected us, we shouldn't have been allowed free reign on the internet

i have irreversible trauma all because my parents didn't understand the difference between giving shelter & food to someone and real parenting

i felt abandoned and unloved and pushed away and hated

i felt utterly worthless to, and unwanted by, the very people who had fought to have me

my parents went through IVF to have me, you know, and yet my whole life I've never really felt loved or wanted by them

i ended up so alone and scared i fell into an older person's trap and was hurt in ways that i didn't understand back then

i felt so broken and discarded, like i truly had nothing left to give to anyone else

it really fucked me up

i understand how this all happened and it sickens me

i hate that some parents hate their children and hurt them internationally, i hate that some parents don't know love and therefore can't give it to their own children in the future

i hate that people refuse to accept that girls can be evil and predatory, i hate that we treat victims as criminals even if they "followed every rule"

its no wonder i gave up on my education in the end

its no wonder i stopped living

im stuck and I feel helpless

i was talking to people, I was getting help, I was making progress (and technically i still am but not in ways that truly help in the long run) but it got too overwhelming and i just fucking shut down again

i feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me

it never did and never will

i feel trapped in a cycle of anger and sadness and sickness and exhaustion

5 10 15 20 25 30

i feel so fucking stuck

so fucking done

i woke up at 6am today and i couldn't fall back asleep

i trued writing it off, literally by writing fanfiction, and I've refreshed tumblr and twitter so many times since I woke up that in kind of sick of them

its now 8am and I feel dead

but not energy wise

just emotionally unwound

I'll probably feel better after i have some water and talk to my boyfriend, knowing me

but i wanted to talk about how just fucked everything feels

i feel like a vase someone smashed into smithereens and that was put back together with paper mache and string

her name kills me almost every time I see or hear it now

i think i might hate myself less than her these days, honestly

she stole my innocence and my trust and my childish love

she robbed me of a colour, of a book series, of a movie, of a flower and of so much more

she probably doesn't even remember me anymore, if she's still alive after everything

i don't know what I'd prefer

5 10 15 20 25 30

would i rather she got help and found love and happiness?

would i rather the opposite?

i feel too tired to care

she's not the last, nor am i certain she was truly the first

but she ruined me in ways nobody else could dream to

she left a sickness in my veins that i cant get rid of

its almost become lovely

i would miss it if it were gone

the hate is ugly and hisses, but i take comfort in its heat

maybe i am broken, maybe she broke me, maybe

i woke up today with terrible thoughts of things i dont want to do to myself or to others

thats fucked up

i can't remember if i was always like this or if she did this

maybe its both

5 10 15 20 25 30

all i know is that im tired

i want to stop hurting

i want to stop being scared

i want to stop being angry

i want to stop being sad

i want to stop being so tired

i just want to live and love

i love people, i do

i hate feeling such strong hatred that im not so sure is even really my own

i just want to be happy

i feel sick

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

playing dol again bcos of u. ur posts about whitney. GOD................................. have u got the scene where he tells u to kiss his ass in a bullying way and if ur promiscuity is high enough u can eat his ass in the hallway and he gets hard and flustered in front of all his friends :/

I HAVE A POST DRAFTED ABOUT IT ON MY SIDEBLOG BUTTKKHFDJKFDGKJ. it makes me so.... he gets so horribly embarassed and the fact vrel said he has a submissive streak oh iijfjfdfkfjgdlklkfglfgjkfdljk

[thatonegaybrit]

; woah friendly reminder to spoiler and tw gore !! Drawings included !! That is still really disturbing and requires warnings !! Panic attacks are not appreciated thanks. :D /srs /nbh

[iysics]

.

[ruby4111]

As promised, here's a write-up of Kimzu Luhire's current backstory!

(To anyone well-versed in DND lore, constructive critisim is accepted! I'd love to learn more about the subject)

---

Kimzu was born in a low-ranking Drow family, her mother passed away after she was born, so her dad married into a noble house so they could survive. 

The Matron of the house treated Kimzu more like a servant than a child. The Matron expected Kimzu to fend for herself, so most days she was alone. 

Growing up, Kimzu became a bit of a recluse, mostly doing house work & learning about Drow culture & history through the books in her room. She never liked Lolth from what she read about, but she knew better than to go against her. 

As the years went on, her father became more distant towards her, she was seen by most as a pathetic pushover, a bad example of what a Drow woman should be. 

The year she became the equivelant of 12 years old, her life was threatened by accidently getting involved in a bad fight between her father & the Matron, accusing him & his daughter of treason against Lolth. The Matron threatening to put down her father, Kimzu tried to stop her but was badly wounded from getting between them. Knowing no one would help her, that she would die if she did nothing, Kimzu ran away. She decided she was was going to the surface and staying there, far away from Lolth's domain. 

While navigating the Underdark, due to her own panicking & clumsiness, Kimzu tripped over herself & was spotted trying to escape the Underdark by a patrol of Drow soldiers, they must've been notified of her treason as they started chasing her immediately. Kimzu, trying to escape her pursuers & the dangers of the Underdark's wilderness, was further injured, but she could see moonlight in the distance, reaching the ends of the Upperdark, her pursuers lost her in the wilderness, never finding a body.

Kimzu was now in a strange forest of some sort, she kept running until her legs gave out. She was exhausted, not knowing what to do, but right at that moment, what looked like a small rabbit approached her, they told her that she could be saved, they asked if she wanted the power to protect herself, that she could if she joined them. Kimzu, not having much of a choice, refused to succumb to her wounds and, without being fully aware of it, formed a pact with an unknown Archfey Patron through who would become her lifelong companion. Kimzu felt rejuvenated, with her newfound power, she got back on her feet and started a new life, with her rabbit-like friend now named Oliver.

Now Kimzu has grown, she's the equivelant of 16 years old & wants to be a better & stronger person who could save lives like Oliver & her Patron did for her.

She has been taught many things by Oliver, such as how to forage for food & defend herself as a Warlock; she now resides in small remote caves near the surface, preparing for the day she can face Lolth, with Oliver by her side.

[allylikethecat]

i saw you post about ao3 etiquette and i wanna say if anyone has been mean to ally i will fight you

Haha I have been very lucky that for the most part people have been so kind and lovely and wonderful and supportive! ❤️ I did have one experience with an anon (On AO3 and on Tumblr) that wasn't very nice over the summer, but I know their anger was coming from a place of their own personal hurt. While I was upset in the moment I have some very lovely mutuals who were so kind and supportive and encouraging. These days I hope that user is doing better and that they have been able to find their own inner peace. My mom always says that "hurt people, hurt people" and I just really hope they are doing well and wish I could have helped in some way.

BUT I don't think it's a bad idea to remember that we are all doing this for FREE and for FUN and if you come across a fic that you don't agree with, are triggered by, or that contains content you don't enjoy, it is your responsibility as a reader to hit the back button and remove yourself from that situation, especially when tags are used appropriately as well as additional, more detailed warnings in the author's note. Everyone has different life experiences and something that might be triggering and upsetting to one person, could be a way to heal and process for someone else. One person's trauma and life experience is not more valid or more "correct" than someone else's and personally I find it really important that we treat everyone and their experiences with respect. If I'm upset or bothered by something, or even just that I don't really like, I know that I personally will go "hm this fic must not be for me" and then go and find one that is.

And on that note! Thank you so much for the support 🥰 (No need to fight anyone though! We are all here to have a good time and my goal at least here on my blog is to cultivate the happy good vibes!) Thank you for sending in this ask! I'm so happy to hear that you're enjoying my fics and I hope you continue to do so! Happy Monday and have a great week!

❤️Ally

[yxstxrdrxxm-a]

Ooh, Navina-mun. I appreciate the little blurb for Boss. Boss is such an interesting contradiction. He definitely comes off as a control-freak, and yet, as in control as he is, it seems like he's only interested in being in control so long as he finds you interesting. I imagine the minute he finds you predictable, that's it for him. It's over.

I can definitely see why he's not interested in a relationship, but also, why he'd be a monster if he was in one.

Reading that blurb, I gotta wonder if there's even anyone that could end up worming their way into his heart.

(I mean, I'd still try and fail miserably, but I would give it a shot.)

It would be incredibly funny to see him interact with someone who's either extremely unpredictable (which would be horrible for his control aspect), or someone who's a little too headstrong and very self-confident (i.e. someone who was neutral to positive on him) and could push back on his attempts to love bomb them. Lol.

Boss still has a lot of skeletons in his closet, particularly how he managed to rise up the ranks and the fact that he's with Celestia definitely raises an eyebrow. If you ever choose to flesh him out, I'd be interested in hearing more.

If you ever put out a call in an AU for his match-up, I'd throw my hat in the ring. LOL

Oh yeah, he's definitely controlling. He likes being the one who's, in his title/'name', the boss of everything in his life. It's why I can't see him in a relationship because God forbid you become stale for him. He'd just dump you without hesitation, and that sucks.

It would be incredibly funny to see him interact with someone who's either extremely unpredictable (which would be horrible for his control aspect), or someone who's a little too headstrong and very self-confident (i.e. someone who was neutral to positive on him) and could push back on his attempts to love bomb them. Lol.

You. You get it. You get my vision.

Like I don't exactly advocate much on people toying with others but OOOOOH him being with someone who's on those spectrums... It's so funny to think of how the dynamic will do. If he's with someone who would be unpredictable, he'd never get bored, but he would find ways to ''deal'' with the issue. If its someone else, that could have a push and pull.

He doesn't exactly enjoy the feeling of losing control, but he enjoys the possibility. A daredevil, if you will.

Boss still has a lot of skeletons in his closet, particularly how he managed to rise up the ranks and the fact that he's with Celestia definitely raises an eyebrow.

He does, yeah, but I think you guys will understand what kind of shit he's got hiding. The least of your worries would be on how he managed to get to Celestia Inc. because man... Man there's more to it lol.

I may think about this more though. At least, as a joke 'match up' LMAOOOO