#taking something we wrote 8 years ago and making it better is amazing i love this for us

[college-girl199328]

Henry Cavill Out as Superman, Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman on Hold: All About the DC Shakeups — So Far

Things are changing among the big-screen DC superheroes. In October, Guardians of the Galaxy and Suicide Squad directors James Gunn and Peter Safran were announced as the new co-CEOs of DC Studios, formerly known as DC Films, at Warner Bros. With the new leadership came unexpected changes and announcements about the franchises' future.

Gunn, 56, tweeted on December 8 that "building the next ten years of the story takes time & we're still just getting started," and he and Safran were aware that they were entering a "fractious environment." Gunn warned there would be "an unavoidable transitional period as we moved into telling a cohesive story across film, TV, animation, and gaming."

"But, in the end, the drawbacks of that transitional period were dwarfed by the creative possibilities and the opportunity to build upon what has worked in DC so far and to help rectify what has not," he wrote, adding, "We know we are not going to make every single person happy every step of the way, but we can promise everything we do is done in the service of the story and in the service of the DC characters we know you cherish and we have cherished our whole lives."

The director added that the team is "giving these characters and the stories the time and attention they deserve, and we still have a lot more questions to ask and answer."

Before the new leadership took over, DC was undergoing a few alterations that caught fans and filmmakers off guard, including canceling the already-filmed Batgirl movie.

Read on for what we know so far about the future of DC movies. In early December, The Hollywood Reporter and multiple outlets reported that a Wonder Woman 3 script by director Patty Jenkins was rejected, putting the planned trilogy's conclusion in question.

Gunn said on Twitter that "some of it is true, some of it is half-true, some of it is not true, and some of it we haven't decided yet whether it's true or not."

The reports came days after Gal Gadot (who was cast as Diana Prince, aka Wonder Woman, nine years ago) wrote on Instagram that she "can't wait to share her next chapter" of the character with fans.

Gadot, 37, added, "I've been so grateful for the opportunity to play such an incredible, iconic character, and more than anything, I'm grateful for you." The most amazing, warm, and loving fans in the world: "I'm still pinching myself to see if I will wake up."

Jenkins broke her silence on the reports, clarifying that she "never walked away" from the project and that she was "open to considering anything asked of me."

She added, "I do not want what has been a beautiful journey with WW to land on [a] negative note. I have loved and been so honored to be the person who got to make these last two Wonder Woman films. She has an incredible character. "Every day, living in and around her values makes you a better person." "I wish her and her legacy an amazing future ahead, with or without me."

Henry Cavill, who debuted as Superman in 2013's Man of Steel and launched the subsequent DC movie series, showed up in a cameo during Dwayne Johnson's Black Adam movie in October. At the time, Cavill told fans on Instagram that he was making a comeback to the role and said in an interview days later that there was a "bright future ahead" for him as the character.

However, Gunn revealed that his team was moving forward with a Superman movie about the "earlier part" of the character's life, and therefore he "will not be played by Henry Cavill." Gunn said he'd been writing the script for a while.

Cavill, 39, then shared a statement about the "sad" development, adding, "After being told by the studio to announce my return back in October, before Gunn and Safran's hire, this news isn't the easiest, but that's life."

He said he has "respect" for Gunn and Safran's decision not to bring him back, writing, "The changing of the guard is something that happens." I respect that. James and Peter have a universe to build. I wish them and all involved with the new universe the best of luck and the happiest of fortunes.

Still, Gunn said they are still open to collaborating with Cavill: "We're big fans, and we talked about some exciting possibilities to work together in the future."

Ben Affleck returns as Batman in the upcoming movie The Flash, in theaters June 16, and possibly Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, out Dec. 25, 2023. But the future of his days as the Caped Crusader beyond that is unclear.

Gunn, though, tweeted that he had met with Affleck, 50, "precisely because he wants to direct and we want him to direct; we just have to find the right project."

Variety reported that DC Studios was considering potentially weaving Robert Pattinson's version of Bruce Wayne into the main cinematic universe. (He debuted in the part in director Matt Reeves' The Batman back in March, and a TV spin-off is in the works, built around Colin Farrell as The Penguin.)

Gunn denied the report, though, calling it "entirely untrue." The upcoming Joker sequel, with Joaquin Phoenix and Lady Gaga, has begun filming and seems to also remain separate from the extended universe.

[whiitenoize]

◈

"'Adorable'? What am I: sixteen?"

Henry rolled his eyes, clearly amused. “Are you only allowed to be adorable when you’re sixteen? What would you have rather I said?”

Huffing, Mauri shrugged and swung her arms in an effort to come up with the words. “I feel like at twenty-four I should have upgraded to, I dunno, sexy, or something.”

“Adorable and sexy are two completely separate things. Adorable doesn’t grow up to be sexy," Henry laughed, thoroughly entertained by Mauri's antics. "Regardless, you are both adorable and sexy. Happy now?”

Despite the fluttering in her chest, Mauri managed a 'tch' sound as she twirled a lock of hair around her finger. “Well don’t say it ‘cause I said something. I want you to really think it.”

When she didn't hear an immediate response, Mauri looked up again, finding Henry looking at her with a look that makes her mouth dry. “I do really think it.”

“I don’t believe it,” she sputtered, cheeks red, before scoffing.

The look only became more intense when he grinned at her, his amusement for her distress coming across more wicked. “Yeah? And what would I have to do to prove it to you, hmm?”

“I don’t know," she shrugged, licking her lips. "Show me, maybe?”

“How am I suppose to show you that you’re both? Would you like me to direct you to a mirror?” His intensity faltered for a moment, not understanding Mauri's veiled desire.

This was it. No turning back. Taking in a breathe, Mauri leveled him with a gaze of her own. “No. I want you to show me that you think it.”

The smirk on his face was far too smug for Mauri's liking as he leaned in closer. “Ohh, you want me to show you I think you’re sexy. Well, in that case…”

And then Mauri was kissed - finally kissed - by the man she's been steadily falling in love with for almost two years now. Henry kisses her slow and sinful, and Mauri's legs would have buckled if he wasn't holding her hips flush against his own.

And yeah, okay, it was hot. Mauri would deny just how much she loved how his lips felt on hers, how his unfanged teeth pulled at her lip, if Henry asked. He would know she was lying.

But there isn't just the simmering lust burning beneath her skin at his touch. There's a warmth that makes her feel safe, protected. His cool skin is a balm on her wounds, still open from damage years prior. When she looks into his eyes, she sees a familiar hesitation, but it is a mere flinch. His eyes tell her he trusts her. He cares for her. He loves her. It quiets the constant thoughts of insecurity and fear. Lightens the heaviness around her heart, even if a little.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hi! I’ve been seeing a lot of your spn posts and I’ve kinda been getting sucked into the drama. I heard about spn a few years ago and considered getting into it, but now with how the last episode (I think it was the last episode?) played out, I’m not sure. What do you think? Even with everything going on, all the drama surrounding the last episode, is it worth getting invested it? Or am I just going to end up with my heart broken in the not-fun way?

i had to sit back and think about this for a while, because it's genuinely a difficult question to answer.

i don't regret the 8 years i've spent in this fandom, but it has caused me a great deal of pain. i've never had a fandom experience this amazing, but i've almost quit a few times from overwhelming frustration and anger.

after considering it, i'm going to say that i think this is the lynchpin: you need to watch a few episodes and see if you actually enjoy it. because while i rant and rave and cry about the greatest love story ever told, unfortunately TGLSET takes up precious little actual screentime. if you don't actually LIKE watching the show and enjoy its premise, it won't be worth it for you.

watch a few episodes of season one, see if it compels you. (lots of people want to skip to season four when cas enters, but honestly, if you find nothing about sam and dean enjoyable, you're not going to enjoy the show enough to watch it for cas.) if you watch those and say, "this is alright, i'm kind of interested, but does it get better?" then try watching the first three or four episodes of season five. if you don't like season five, you don't like supernatural.

it's important to understand that spn is a wild patchwork of content, changing enormously from beginning to end while also staying maddeningly the same. it's hilarious and it's terrifying, it's stupid and it's brilliant, it's beautiful and it's repulsive, it warms your heart and it makes you want to scream.

it's misogynistic, racist, and homophobic. it's also a wonderful story of found family, defying destiny, choosing free will, and love saving the world.

some of the episodes are so, so fucking stupid you can't believe they aired on television, while some rival any oscar-nominated film for the quality of their writing, directing, and acting. it's boring as shit but also the MOST show you'll ever watch. sometimes you wonder if the writers watch their own show, and yet miles of meta have been written about how a choice of wallpaper and the arrangement of a lamp reflects a character’s inner turmoil. they chase their tail by repeating the same lame plots over and over, and for their fifteenth season they came up with the freshest, most interesting and meta concept i've ever seen. there is a scooby doo episode.

they captured lightning in a bottle with castiel, and then spent twelve years wasting his potential. they created the most utterly breathtaking love story on television, mostly by accident, and then gaslit the fandom about its existence while simultaneously exploiting them. they wrote a story about two brothers that managed to touch millions of people's hearts, and then they poisoned themselves by refusing to ever allow the relationship to grow or change.

in their fourth- and third-to-last episodes, they reveal that an angel invented free will through the power of choosing to fall from grace because of the love he felt for the man that he rescued from hell. and then... something terrible happened at the network, whatever was originally planned was cut, and something shallow, empty, boring, flat, and pathetic was inserted as the finale.

in the end, the only peace and satisfaction we have is what we make for ourselves. in the end, we have to reclaim the story and finish it with our own hands. but in a way, that’s weirdly appropriate for a show that is, canonically, about ripping up the ending you’re given and writing your own.

i can’t tell you, or anyone else, if watching it is worth it, because that depends on how much you get out of it. you have to decide if you’re willing to watch it to see if you get enough out of it to continue watching it.

if you decide the answer is no, you’ll get no judgment from me. if it doesn’t float your boat, that’s fine, you’re welcome to still like the gay angel and reblog drawings of him kissing the pretty hunter. 

and if you do decide to the watch the whole thing, i’ll offer a couple pieces of advice. first, expect to be disappointed; that makes it a pleasant surprise when you’re not disappointed. and second, stop at 15x19. the second to last episode serves as a lackluster finale, but at least it’s not a finale that shits in your mouth while you weep tears of hate.

so uh... take that as you will, and good luck. ⛤

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 7/31/2022

I haven’t done one of these in a long time, mostly because I got myself all fired up to finish a little in love, and I tried, I really did. I made some progress on solidifying my outline and I wrote three entire chapters plus some additional dribs and drabs, but I also had trouble liking any of it, and I spent most of June being incredibly depressed. 

This happened two years ago when I just couldn’t bring myself to work on what eventually turned into What We Do with Our Hearts, (and ended up starting a little in love instead), and it’s not some huge mystery why this happened, it’s because my kids are home all the time. Writing for me, is a process that involves a lot of dissociation and being really deep in my own head, which is simply not compatible with the state of always keeping one ear open for one of the children trying to kill the other one, and who has had too much screens, and if it’s time for the seventeenth snack of the day, etc, etc. There was one week where both children went to camp, and it was amazing and I was able to think and do stuff, and feel human again and then it was over, and I went back to feeling like my head was stuffed with cotton and turpentine again.

Presumably, when they go back to school in a few weeks, I’ll feel better again, but it always feels so uncertain to be like this, like what if I’m just stupid now and will never make anything good ever again?

Anyway, in the meantime, as I’m sure you know, I have been working on the Tattoo Artist AU I started a few...years?...ago?? I had dusted it off this past winter and worked on it for a bit and then got stuck and subsequently distracted by something else at the time. Anyway, I had a whole outline for it, and some of my friends were excited about it, so I’ve been working on it, and it’s been...okay. It’s not my best writing for sure, but at least it’s something, and it feels a lot better than not writing.

Unfortunately, there’s probably gonna be a delay in updates, because I am going to be traveling for most of the next three weeks. If I can, I might do some writing on my phone, but it’s highly unlikely I’ll be posting anything. I was kinda hoping to finish Ch 8 before I left, but at this point, it’s not gonna happen. I also like to get at least a chapter ahead if I can, because sometimes I need to move a piece of information up or back a bit, and that leaves me some flexibility. 

I absolutely hate traveling: I get terrible travel anxiety, and in recent years, I’ve started getting carsick, and even more recently, I’ve started getting panic attacks when I have to drive on elevated highways or bridges. I don’t like not being in my house. I’m not really comfortable being around other people for long periods of time, because all social interactions are a performance for me. Even for trips I want to go on, breaking even emotionally is the absolute best I can hope for. All this is to say that the best I can hope for about the next few weeks is that at least they’ll be over soon, and I’ve been telling myself all summer that I had to get through August in order to get to October. 

Anyway, I expect to have wi-fi and such for the majority of the trip, but I won’t have my laptop with me, and if my overall online presence is spotty, that’s why.

Oh, I guess this is supposed to be an art update, too? Gosh it’s been forever. I haven’t been doing a whole lot, but I drew a sexy swimsuit Renji for my birthday and a comic about being a worm and made a nice banner for my fanfic and I’m honestly pretty pleased with all that.

PS: I know I usually do some over-the-top thing for Renji’s birthday, but school starts that week and am barely making it thru the day as it is these days, so I think I’m gonna take this year off from stunting. I mean, I’m sure I’ll do something, but I’m keeping it small for once.

[krisdreaming]

8 | PRESENT

｢ Masterlist ｣

Pairing: Miya Atsumu x reader

Prompt: I did that annoying thing where I put a bunch of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad, but you don’t know that a ring is in the smallest box and I can’t wait to see your face.

WC: 1.3k

A/N: I looooved writing this one!!! I wrote it just a few days ago and when I say I was s w o o n i n g. Mayhaps I’ve fallen for Atsumu just a little too hard, I’ll see myself out. (And if you’re wondering if I had to google what the holes in waffles are called, mind ya business)

You’ve been here for a little over a week now, and every morning when you wake up it still takes you a few moments to remember: It’s winter break. You’re spending it with Atsumu in his apartment. He’s asleep next to you. This isn’t a dream.

This morning when you wake up, though, Atsumu isn’t asleep. When you roll over, he’s watching you, chin resting on his crossed arms. A slow smile spreads across his face when he sees you’re awake.

“Mornin’,” His drawl is still heavy with sleep. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” You echo, letting out a soft giggle when he reaches out to brush a wayward strand of hair away from your face. For a few moments, he lets his palm rest on your cheek, something soft settling on his features. You reach up and link your fingers with his, and he leans forward to press a kiss to your lips.

“You ready to start breakfast?” He asks as he pulls away. You shake your head and smile.

“Hungry, are we?” You hum with a chuckle.

“Always,” He nods, throwing the blanket aside. “And besides, we’d better get started if we want t’ get to yer parents’ on time.”

You agree, rolling out of bed with a groan. You have to admit, being here with Atsumu is miles better than the tiny apartment you’re staying in while you finish university. It’s cramped and outdated in comparison, but until you graduate at the end of the year, it will have to do.

Atsumu’s kitchen is well-equipped with appliances and gadgets, half of which you’re convinced he’s never used, but you’ve certainly been making good use of them in the time you’ve been here. Now, he pulls out the waffle maker while you start mixing the batter. The scent of the coffee brewing in the pot is filling the kitchen, and it’s comfortable to work alongside of Atsumu like this. You can’t help but think that it’s certainly something you could get used to.

“This looks amazing,” He says, reaching for his fork and stabbing a waffle the moment the food is on the table. You take a sip of your orange juice and watch with a small smile as he pours syrup on his waffles, carefully filling each pocket.

“Mmm,” He hums to himself in pure delight as he takes the first huge bite. You spread butter  and syrup on your own waffle, and soon you’re digging in as well. “Thanks fer makin’ breakfast,” He says as he helps himself to another serving. He’s said the same thing at nearly every meal, and you always brush it off.

“I like cooking, you know that.” You shrug. “And besides, doing it in your kitchen is a treat.”

He grins. “Yeah? I’m glad.” He pushes his plate away with a satisfied groan. “I’m so full. How about we open our presents now?” He looks at you hopefully.

“Someone’s eager,” You laugh, “I don’t know what you think I got you, but I promise it’s not really that exciting.”

“I’m excited for you to open your present!” He insists, standing to put his plate and cup in the sink. You follow suit, and then the two of you make your way to the living room and the tiny tree set up there. The box with your name on it doesn’t even fit underneath it, so it’s setting right beside it.

You can’t lie – you’ve been side-eyeing this box ever since it appeared by the tree. You have a few guesses as to what it could be. Maybe it’s that Nespresso machine you’ve been hinting after, or that box set bundle of your favorite series that you’ve had in your Amazon cart for four months now. Maybe, you let yourself hope, it’s that special edition console that was just released a week ago. Of course, if it is, your present for Atsumu will pale in comparison.

You pick up the small box. “Here, open yours first,” You hand it to him and take the seat next to him on the couch. 

“Okay,” He agrees quickly, carefully pulling on the ribbon until it comes undone. He unwraps the box and lifts the lid, revealing the watch you’d picked out for him. You lean in hopefully, watching his face for his reaction.

“I thought you needed a nice watch. For when you go to dinners and stuff,” You explain as he lifts it out of the box.

“It’s perfect,” He grins, immediately putting it on and adjusting it on his wrist. It looks almost comical with his mismatched pajamas. “Thank you, baby. I love it.” He leans in and presses a kiss to your lips, but pulls back quickly and grabs the box from the floor. “Now your turn!” He hands you the box and perches on the edge of the couch cushion, eyes glued to you. 

You pull back the wrapping paper, revealing a nondescript box. When you pry it open and peer inside, you see… another wrapped box. “Ah,” You pull it out slowly. “Very funny.” You glance at him, and he’s still just watching you, lower lip pulled slightly between his teeth. You peel the wrapping paper off of the next box and open it, only to find yet another wrapped box inside. “Tsumu,” You can’t help but sigh.

“Just open it!” He presses, leaning a little further forward. You do as he says, and you aren’t quite as surprised to find yet another smaller wrapped box inside. You’re starting to wonder how long he’s been collecting these boxes. Resignedly, you mentally cross off your hopes for the gift as the size of the boxes decreases.

“What is this?” You finally frown when you pull out what you hope is the last box. He’s sitting with his chin in his hand and his fingers covering his grin, and he gestures with a jerk of his head for you to open it. “Seems like an awful lot of work for a pair of air pods or something,” You mutter, picking at the tape he’s generously wrapped the box in. It takes you some time to peel the layers away. Atsumu is surprisingly silent during this ordeal. For such an elaborate prank, you’d expect him to be goading you a little more.

Finally, you get the tape peeled away. This box is about the same size as the one his watch had come in. You lift the lid, and it isn’t the fancy wireless ear buds you’d started to expect. Instead, it’s a felt-covered box. Slowly, you lift it out, realization starting to dawn on you. When you look up, Atsumu has slid down to the floor in front of you, propped up on one knee. He plucks the box from your surprised fingers and cracks it open to reveal a beautiful, intricately designed ring. 

He clears his throat. “Y/N, I love you so much. I know bein’ with me isn’t always easy, but for some reason you’ve stuck around. And I’m glad ya did.” He pauses to huff out a nervous chuckle. “So if you’ll have me, it’d seriously make me the happiest man in the world if ya’d agree to marry me.”

Your fingers have flown to your lips. “Tsumu!” You squeak out between them. “Yes. Yes! Of course I will!” You slide off the couch too and throw your arms around his neck. Immediately, he pulls you close, pressing his face into the crook of your neck for a few moments and letting out a muffled sound that’s something akin to a squeal.

“I love ya so much!” He repeats, pulling away just enough to kiss you, lips sliding insistently against yours and deepening the kiss.

“I love you too,” You say against his lips as you finally pull away, a brilliant smile stretching across your face as you close your eyes to lean your forehead against his. “Wow,” You breathe finally, pulling back enough to look into his face. “I can’t believe I’m marrying such a jerk!” You swat his shoulder, and he throws his head back and lets out a loud, giddy burst of laughter.

“Ya sure are,” He smirks, leaning in for just one more kiss.

[faunrasthewinterelf]

Calm After the Storm Pt.2

And So it Begins

I’m actually excited for this? like I’m so nervous, but here we go! here's roughly 4047 words that ive written and agonized over for you Maribat lovers!

please let me know what you guys think!

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Marinette Cheng meets Richard (Dick) Grayson at the start of the tour of Wayne Enterprises. She’s outside, leaning against the tall form of Chloe Bourgeois, her best friend who had shot up like a damn weed in the past year, and trying her best to stay awake. While everyone else in the class had gotten to adjust to the time zone change, Marinette and Madame Bustier had gone over to the Martha Wayne Foundation building to settle the scheduling and award intricacies. She had also seen a photo of her biological paternal grandparents for the first time, which had been nice.

But today. Today was tiring and it wasn’t even 8:30 yet. It was cold, which isn't helping her attempts at staying awake, even though she had on a newer, thicker outfit, bundled up tight to ward off the cold that was seeping into her bones and irritating her side. Damn Ladybug Effects

Marinette was trying her hardest to leech the warmth from Chloe while the two waited for Lila ‘Oh, my ankle hurts, I must have twisted it!’ Rossi to limp her way off the bus. The rest of the class and Madame Bustier were all behind the liar. Which meant Marinette was in the cold, and THAT was commonly known as a bad idea at this point. Chloe was huffing as she kept an arm wrapped around Marinette’s looking ready to murder Lila. Listening to the Italian girls lies was a staple for their lives at this point, and Marinette couldn't help a sarcastic,

“And so it begins.”

Chloe snorted at that, wrapping her arm around her tiny friend’s shoulders, rubbing her back, before the blonde snarled at another shiver from Marinette, and just dragged the poor girl inside to wait. 

Getting inside is a blessing, and as the warmth hits Marinette, she lifts her face away from where it was squished against Chloe’s arm to keep her nose warm. 

Almost immediately, Marinette is digging through her bag for her small sketchbook to start jotting down ideas from the lobby alone. Chloe, on the other hand, starts fishing out the NDA’s the class had signed that morning from Marinette’s bag, and begins flipping through them to make sure that everyone’s was accounted for. The two girls settle into the couches by the entrance waiting for the rest of the class.

After a couple minutes, Lila walks through the door, (wow, her ankle is already better!), and smiles around at her surroundings, looking as if she just walked into a loved home rather than a building she’s never been to. Her eyes light up as she smirks, before turning to her loyal followers friends, and though Chloe and Marinette can’t hear what she’s saying, they can imagine.

Madame Bustier frowns at the two girls on the seats to the side as she approaches the front desk, but is quickly distracted by the secretary as the two begin discussing the tour, and its itinerary. Lila and her group have navigated to the other side of the lobby, away from Marinette and her friends, thankfully, but are talking loudly, interrupting people as they enter the building. From the corner of her eye, Marinette can practically see Adrien frowning in hers and Chloe's direction, can practically feel his disapproval.

Just as she is finishing shading in a particularly pretty flower in a planter, one of the elevators to her right dings. A rather tall man steps out, straightening his tie, a clipboard tucked under his arm. He looks to be roughly 6’2 and is dressed in a white button down tucked into plain black slacks, with a nice pair of black shoes. He glances over at their loud wayward class before spotting Madame Bustier and heading over to the secretaries desk to join her. Marinette nudged her friend, who looked up from the NDA’s, adjusting the Miraculous on her head as she looked up.

“Looks like the tour is starting soon,” the bluenette is already standing, slipping her coat off to drape over her bag. Chloe eyes their classmates, as if debating whether or not they actually would be starting soon and if it was worth standing up, before sighing and giving in, getting to her feet.

“Then let’s go give Madame Bustier her paperwork, she seems a bit frazzled about it missing.” and indeed she did. Their red headed teacher was shifting through her bag at a frantic rate, clearly worried about something. Marinette shook her head. Madame Bustier had asked Marinette to collect the files for her, she should remember that her class representative had them. The teacher had been foisting a lot of responsibility on Marinette this trip. Already, Chloe had to step in and help her unpack her bags after Madame Bustier had sent Marinette to sort out the rooms of the hotel, and then dragged her to the MWF Building as soon as the small class rep had handed out the room keys to everyone else, and had helped with the NDA’s earlier that morning.

Marinette took the file folder from Chloe as they walked over and she waited patiently beside her panicking teacher for a moment, before clearing her throat to catch Madame Bustier’s attention, holding out the folder for her to take.

“Oh, Marinette, thank you, I thought I had these with me!” Madame Bustier then spun around, handing over the folder, without checking inside, to the gentleman who had to be their tour guide. “Here you are Mr. Grayson, all the NDA’s, as requested! I must have left them on the table this morning!” she gave a charming smile before turning again, and hurrying over to the rest of her class to get everyone else's attention, leaving Chloe and Marinette with the tour guide.

As their teachers' voice rang out over her classmates, Marinette and Chloe shared a look between them. Chloe sighed as she followed after their teacher, and Marinette turned to the man beside her.

“Bonjour, my name is Marinette Cheng, are you the tour guide for today Monsieur…?” she smiled as she held out her hand which was quickly enveloped by his much bigger one,

“Richard Grayson Ms. Cheng! A pleasure to meet you, you’re the one who wrote the winning essay for the Martha Wayne Foundation right? Me and my family all read it! And yes, I am the tour guide today, we’re just waiting on your visitor badges, and then we’ll be on our way!” Richard’s smile was nearly overwhelming, the amount of words coming from him more so, but that wasn’t what had caused Marinette to freeze.

She hadn’t looked at any photos of the Wayne family since she heard about Cassandra Cain-Wayne’s adoption. Sure, she knew what they looked like, but that had been several years ago. Marinette hadn’t anticipated meeting her oldest adopted sibling so soon.

It was weird to talk with her brother Richard, without him knowing they were technically siblings. She shook the feelings off quickly, (years of an emotional terrorist did wonders for emotional control apparently) and allowed her smile to grow wider.

“Thank you Mr. Grayson! I hadn’t had much to do at the time, and the MWF scholarship to GU was worth the late nights! I’m flattered that you and your family liked it so much.” a box full of visitor IDs and lanyards were placed in front of them, and Marinette shot the receptionist, Ms. Keanes, a quick “Thank you!” before carrying them over to the class.

Chloe looked about ready for a nap as she watched over her class, all of them whispering to each other as Madame Bustier went over rules for the Tour. The red head seemed to be willfully ignorant of her class not listening as she spoke, and just smiled at Mr. Grayson as he and Marinette approached. Marinette shook her head as she began handing out the IDs, quick to snag hers and Chloe’s first, slipping both around her neck for the time being as Mr. Grayson began speaking.

She had to admit, her brother Richard seemed determined to give her class the best tour he could. He had notes and anecdotes on that clipboard of his, and he knew how to use them to get attention. Unfortunately, he just wasn’t as captivating as Lila, who had begun to spin another tale of ‘Oh, yes, I spent so much time in Gotham when i was younger that I’m practically a Gothamite! There’s this amazing restaurant nearby, we should go there for dinner tonight!’

By the time lunch rolled around and Richard had gotten the class into the cafeteria, he seemed to have lost most of his determination. Most of the class pushed past him, not even listening to his explanation about the Cafeteria, and his shoulders slumped as he stared after them. Marinette, who had been taking notes about as much as she could, felt a bit guilty for how he was being treated. Chloe had pulled out her tablet about a half hour into the tour and began working on MDC Business, and while Marinette knew Chloe had been listening, she had been focused on her work. 

“Mr. Grayson? I’m sorry for my class’s behavior, they’re just, excited, to be in Gotham and haven’t quite gotten it out of their systems yet.” Marinette reached out to tap him on the arm as she spoke, gently prodding him until he looked at her. She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

“I enjoyed the tour, there’s so much to learn, and I can’t wait to go to other floors after lunch! I’ve already jotted down several ideas in my sketchbook, so thank you!”

Richard smiled at her in thanks, eyes brightening a bit as he nodded at her, before fishing out his phone and turning away.

Marinette quickly linked arms with Chloe before walking into the large room, as she only needed space for her and Chloe, who had saved whatever proposal she had been going over as they searched. Once they found a good spot they went and joined the line for food. A few tables down from their spot, the class, who were back to loudly talking to each other and squealing about Lila’s ‘childhood sweetheart, I might be able to see him again! he took me to that restaurant I mentioned earlier as a date actually!’, and were all ignoring the looks that WE employee’s were shooting at them. Madame Bustier all but collapsed on a table for herself, and put in earbuds as she ate.

Marinette shook her head as she and Chloe walked past, getting into line for the small buffet style lunch available. Other employee’s were also entering the room, and while they did have an hour and half lunch, Marinette didn't want to wait too long and have to eat quickly. By the time the girls got their food of choice and sat down at the table they had spotted earlier, the line was quite long, and the rest of the class were at the end of it. They had a long wait.

Lunch passed in quiet, and for the most part she and Chloe just worked. Marinette on a commission Uncle Jagged had requested, one inspired by his hometown, and Chloe back to whatever she had been working on before. It was only interrupted by Mr. Richard Grayson asking to sit with them. He was picking at his food more than eating it, staring with furrowed brows at Madame Bustier and the rowdy class (It was an hour in and most of them had only just gotten food) 

“Madame Bustier is of the opinion that they’ll settle down after today.” Her voice seemed to almost startle Richard, but he just turned to look at her, more confused as he asked,

“What? But, your class-”

“Bustier is next to useless when it comes to interventions. She probably won’t do anything about their behavior for a couple more days.” Chloe didn’t even look up from her work as she interrupted Richard, her scorn clear.

“Chloe” 

“What, M? It’s true and you know it! She’s treating this more like a vacation than a class trip.” This time the blonde glances over at the teacher, who still had her earbuds in. “She’s not even watching her class! She hasn’t looked up from her Audio Book since she sat down, Mari. I know we're all legal adults and graduated at this point, but it's still a school trip, not a celebration over Hawkmoth’s defeat! We're in one of the most dangerous cities in America, the least she could do is check that all her students are behaving.”

Before Marinette could respond, Richard cleared his throat, drawing their attention to him before he asking,

“Who’s Hawkmoth? What do you mean ‘celebrate his defeat?’ That makes him sound like a supervillain.”

Marinette and Chloe look at each other, before Marinette turns back to her brother the tour guide.

“That’s because he was Mr. Grayson. How didn't you know about him? He terrorized Paris for four years? Mayura, his accomplice helped for roughly three” 

Marinette knew it was due to a country wide media blackout and the French Government working with Paris’s governing body to suppress the news further to not put a damper on tourism, but surely something must have gotten out? After the JLE had decided to leave Hawkmoth to Ladybug and her team, she had figured they would at least issue a warning. Chloe chimes in with a tired voice, shoulders lowered and eyes blank,

“He would take control of someone and transform them into a monster using their own negative emotion, and in return, all they had to do was get the Ladybug’s earrings and the Black Cat’s ring. He did it by sending an Akuma, which is a corrupted butterfly, by the way, and they would possess an Item on the victim’s person. Ladybug and Chat Noir, and the others, had to locate and destroy the akumatized object so that Ladybug could purify it. There were normally 4 or 5 of them a week, though they got more frequent and powerful the month he was caught.”

“But, Thats- We would have known about it!” Richard seemed horrified, “The amount of damage that would have happened? Surely something would have gotten out!”

Marinette shook her head. “That's the thing Mr. Grayson, part of Ladybug’s powers, was that she could summon something she needed for the fight. When it was over, she could use her ‘Lucky Charm’ as it's called, to reset all the damage done by the akuma. The buildings got fixed, injuries healed, and many people who were killed were brought back.” She shared a small smile with Chloe,

“Hawkmoth was defeated earlier this year, just after school started. The Miracle Court took back his and his accomplices Miraculous, and both were placed into custody. Last I’d heard, Gabriel Agreste, Hawkmoth was given several life sentences, and Nathalie Sanceour, Mayura was in a high security medical facility for the damage her illness had done. The Court is staying active in Paris for the remainder of the year, but after, the JLE has asked them to either step down or leave Europe. They haven’t announced what they're going to do yet after the year is over.”

Before he could question the girls further, looking rather sour at something, Chloe’s phone alarm went off, meaning they had 10 minutes to clean up. Marinette quickly fished her phone out of her bag, and opened up the BugOut blog. Tilting her screen so Richard could see, she explained as best she could about it as Chloe cleaned up the table.

“This is the official Blog that was dedicated to Ladybug and her efforts. There's another one called the Ladyblog, but it's not the best anymore. Ladybug endorsed that blog for it’s professionalism and writing. It’s not active much anymore, but it’s got a good archive of everything, if you’re curious.”

He had opened his mouth to ask more questions, but then he froze. Marinette had flipped to a photo that showed a comparison of the Teams, and his eyes zeroed in on it. One shot of the current Court of Miracles, Ladybug, Testudo, Byakko, and Cheval Joli, one shot from two years ago with Ladybug, Chat Noir, Rena Rogue, Carapace, and Queen Bee, and finally, one shot from the very beginning, of Ladybug and Chat Noir stood awkwardly in frame.

Marinette shook her head,

“Ladybug and Chat Noir were the first, they were somewhere around 13 or 14 when they started.”

Marinette left him after that. She had garbage to sort out and a plate to return. The two girls waited at the same entrance they came in from, seated on the couches by the door, watching as the class got up at 3:00 on the dot, and left their plates stacked on top of the garbage cans like they were in a fast food place, not a famous Enterprises cafeteria. Madame Bustier and Mr. Grayson joined them shortly after, Mr. Grayson rubbing at his forehead as he walked up.

The second half of the Tour seemed to stretch on for a while. Marinette’s side was beginning to go taught, and she could already tell that a massage and some painkillers would be involved in tonight's bedtime routine. She almost regrets leaving Tikki in their hotel room, the little goddess always healed her in little bursts to help with the pain, but Tikki had been just as tired as Marinette this morning, and the cold was affecting the little Ladybug Kwami harder, so she had left Tikki bundled up near the heater for the day. Besides, Chloe had hers with her, and Akuma’s weren’t a thing they had to worry about. Marinette really hadn’t seen the harm in letting Tikki rest for the day.

While Mr. Grayson (Please, Ms. Cheng, just call me Dick, I promise it’s my nickname, and I honestly prefer it) was watching the rest of her class, he had given up trying to keep their attention, and was basically just speaking directly to Chloe and Marinette, both of whom were paying attention now. The Business and Legal areas were something of great interest to the girls, as they were working together to maintain MDC, Chloe with the business side, and Marinette with the creative side/designing. The class behind the two girls, still wrapped in their own little world, completely missed the looks they were still getting from employees as they passed by workstations and offices.

The only time Madame Bustier intervened was when Alya had a particularly loud outburst, all but shouting out a loud “WHAT?? GIRL YOUR DATING DAMI-” before getting cut off by a sharp “Alya!” from the teacher.

But Marinette hadn’t been paying attention to Lila, her side had escalated from tight to aching, and was now rubbing at her side as she walked, her notebook away and her arm linked with Chloe’s as she wrote, trying to focus more on what Dick was saying rather than the pain.

Of course, with how this bit of the tour was going, Dick had noticed. During a particularly ‘exciting’ bit in whatever lie Lila was spewing, he quietly approached the girls.

“Hey, what’s up Marinette, (then in that case, please, call me Marinette “or Mari” Or Mari, thank you Chloe) are you alright?” 

It was startling, to be honest. Beyond Chloe, no one really ever noticed when she was in pain. It took her a second to respond.

“Yes, it’s alright, just, an old wound. It gets bad when it’s cold, and I’ve been walking a lot today.”

His worried eyes scanned over her, seeing how tense she was and how her hand didn’t stop doing small circular motions around the left side of her waist, just below her ribs, He was frowning, and his body screamed concern.

“Do you need a break? There’s a break area on this floor.” His voice was soft as he spoke, but, even though she was tired, getting a break or special treatment now would mean dealing with Lila and Alya later, even if would help with the pain.

“I’m alright, besides, there's barely an hour left, and then we're getting on a bus back to the hotel, I’ll be fine,” Marinette smiled, (was this what its like to have a sibling?)

“And I already made her take some of the Advil she carries with her” comes from the tall blonde next to her. Dick looks at them both like her wants to argue, eyes tight, before he nods.

“If you’re sure.”

Apparently, they weren’t taking a bus back to the hotel. Lila had convinced Madame Bustier to cancel the ride, and let them go to a nearby restaurant for dinner. Which meant the class would be walking back after. Marinette closed her eyes, rubbing at her side firmly as she listened to Lila, Chloe beside her, hip jutted out and arms crossed.

“My Damiboo took me there for a dinner date, it’s where he confessed! Oh it was so romantic, I would love to go eat there again!” her simpering was painful, she was even holding her hand to her chest like she was going to faint, but her other arm was entwined around Adrien’s, and her current boyfriend looked more bored than anything as she described her ‘childhood sweetheart’ As usual, the class was eating it up.

“Oh, Lila! That sounds so romantic!” Rose had her head against Juleka’s shoulder, a dopey grin on her face as she imagined the two on a romantic dinner date.

Alya had turned to Nino with a quirked eyebrow and a sly smile, “Why haven’t you done that to me huh?” before turning towards Madame Bustier.

“Please, may we eat there? It’d make Lila so loved, and she says the food is great! Who better to show us the good places than an honorary Gothamite?” Madame Bustier had already been nodding, happy to appease her class.

“Of course we can, It's not a far walk from here at all!” The class excitedly began chatting, but before they could all set out, Chloe finally intervened.

“Madame Bustier, we’re not supposed to eat out on Mondays, shouldn’t we head back to the hotel?” her words were met with silence, and she was quiet a moment, before continuing,

“Besides, Marinette’s side is beginning to hurt, she nee-”

A loud snort comes from Alya, who rolls her eyes. She looks Marinette up and down, scowling before biting out,

“Please, like she needs, anything! I can’t believe you think she was actually hurt! Everyone knows that Marinette's a bully Chloe, she’s just jealous of Lila, and lying for attention.”

It had been 2 years since she and Alya had been friends, but it still hurt when her old best friend said things like that. When Lila had threatened to take all her friends, Marinette hadn’t believed her. But here she was, all her friends gone, and the only reason she had Chloe at all is because they hadn’t been friends until Lila had everyone else on her side. Marinette and Chloe had sat together at the back of the class, and they’re neutral ‘ill watch your stuff if you watch mine’ had eventually become ‘well now I'd die for you.’ It was nice, having a friend in class again.

Lila, never one to miss a chance, hiccupped loudly before wrapping her arms around herself.

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause trouble, I jus-just wanted to b-be reminded of my Damiboo! I Haven’t-t see-en him in so long!” By the end of it, she had full blown sobs going, and the class closed ranks around her, comforting her while glaring at Chloe and Marinette. Adrien was frowning at Marinette again, eyes almost furious as he glared, and Madame Bustier just sighed.

“Marinette, please, can’t you see Lila needs this? Can’t you take one of your Advil so that we can help Lila? Remember, All the Marinettes of the world?”

She sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head, before agreeing. Chloe beside her started to protest again, but stopped when Mari put a hand on her shoulder.

“Alright Madame Bustier.”

“Thank you girls! Alright, Lila!” Madame Bustier clapped her hands a couple times, catching the classes attention,

“We're going to the restaurant!, Lila, why don’t you lead the way? I’m sure it’s lovely!”

Marinette was sure it was going to be hell.

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PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THE TAG LIST DIDN’T WORK!

Now, anyone wanna guess what Miraculous Chloe has? I tried to give hints! or does anyone want to try guessing who Testudo, Cheval Joli, and Byakko are? both have already been Miraculous holders, and the names will be expanded on!

If any one has any questions I’ll elaborate with as little spoilers as possible, Thank you all so much for your encouraging words and kind comments!

TAGLIST: @ aestheticnpoetic @ kitsunebell @ superbwhispersconnoisseur @ thewitchwhowaited @ junarvion @ liawinchester67 @ woe-is-me0 @ dorkus-minimus @ i-am-on-wattpad-2  @ atramentias @ togetherwekill @ ramos123 @ anjuschiffer @ thecc11andme @ poodapup @ mochegato @too0bsessedformyowngood

[official-weasley]

Bill's Secret - (The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley AU)

Warnings: Fluff 💙

Word count: 3,825

Characters: Charlie Weasley and my OC Nova from TICW which you can find here

Nova

“Okay, okay, let's try this again.” I heard Charlie say as I came back from getting our mail.

“You won't give up, will you?” I giggled.

He was kneeling in front of the sofa, helping Aoede to sit. She is almost six months old now and showed some interest in doing it and now Charlie has been giving it his all to be the first one to see her sit properly.

He missed her first smile and her first giggle. And the first time she rolled over on her own and the first time she crawled all due to work. Each time he came home and I told him about something new she did, he was sad and upset that he was missing on so many firsts.

Since we were planning to go to England for the first time since we moved into our new home, Charlie took a few more days off because he was determined to be the first one to see her do something new.

“Never,” Charlie said, clapping his hands to encourage Aoede.

“You do have to help her a little, you know?” I pressed my lips together, observing the scene.

“I know, but we keep falling to the side, don't we.” He booped Aoede's nose, pretending to be disappointed. “But daddy won't give up on you. No, he won't. He believes in his baby girl!” He said in a baby voice.

Charlie was making fun out of me and my mum whenever we talked to Aoede using a baby voice. He couldn't stop laughing when Bill did it the last time he came to visit us and he said that he would never talk to our children in such a funny voice but who's laughing now!

“Nice voice, Charles.” I laughed and sat down at the kitchen table and went through the envelopes.

“Oh, shush! You do it all the time.” Charlie tried defending himself, standing up.

“You said you will never talk in this voice.” I teased.

Aoede apparently found our conversation funny because she started giggling, looking up at Charlie.

“What you laughing for, huh?” Charlie kneeled back to her with the biggest grin on his face – Aoede's giggles were his favorite sound now.

While Charlie started clapping again, hoping this will be the day Aoede sits I give the letters in front of me my full attention.

There was one from my mum telling us how excited she is to see us again and that she got a whole week off to be with us. There was one from Molly asking when exactly we are coming and that our room is already ready. One was from Ginny as she told us all about the adventures she and Aoede will have as this will be the first time Charlie's younger siblings will see their niece and due to the number of letters we got from them all, we couldn't decide who was the most excited to spend time with her.

The last letter was from Bill and I looked to see what Charlie was doing before opening it. Bill had a secret which he only told me about 8 months ago and only because I cornered him, knowing something was going on and I knew he wanted to talk about it but was too shy.

He made me promise that I won't tell anyone – not ever Charlie – and now he sends me a letter here and there about it so I have to be careful not to let Charlie see anything.

“What? What is it?”

I read through Bill's letter and the news he shared with me shocked and excited me so much that I let out a loud gasp which alarmed Charlie.

“Oh, nothing.” I quickly folded the letter. “Let's just say, we are going to make one more stop when we come to England.” I couldn't stop a big smile from spreading all over my lips.

“That face doesn't say nothing.” Charlie picked up Aoede, his eyes narrowed.

“Who's the letter from? Is Penny finally pregnant?” He walked to me, trying to peek at what the letter says.

“No, it's not about Penny.” I sighed.

Penny and Andre have been trying to have another baby for a few years now but it just wasn't happening for them. They visited doctors all over Europe to find out what could be wrong since they didn't have any problems getting pregnant with Joanna. All had the same answer – just keep trying. So now, every time we get a letter from her we hope she brings good news.

“The letter is from Bill!” Charlie took the letter from me and tried opening it with one hand while holding Aoede with his other.

“Charlie, give it back!” I stood up, taking a deep breath.

If he reads that letter he is going to be so confused.

“Why don't you want me to read it?” He looked at me bemused, once I snatched the letter from him. “Are you sharing juicy secrets? Are you talking about feelings and his love life?” Charlie said dramatically.

“For a matter of fact, yes,” I said nonchalantly, waiting for his reaction.

“Hold up. Really?” Charlie forgot how to close his mouth, giving Aoede to me.

“For a while now.” I decided to tell him as slowly as possible.

“What's a while for you?” He eyed me suspiciously.

“A year.”

“A YEAR?!” Charlie's voice was so high-pitched that it made Aoede laugh. “He is in a relationship for a year? He was in a relationship when we got married?”

“They were just acquaintances back then, they started dating at the end of August but he told me when he was here for New Year's,” I explained.

“You have known for so long and you didn't tell me?” Charlie sounded offended. “Why not?”

“Because Bill asked me to.”

“Why?”

“Because he really likes this girl and he didn't want to jinx anything by telling too many people. I wouldn't know either if I didn't know him so well and figured it out on my own.” “How did you know?” Charlie pursed his lips, sitting down next to me, fully invested in Bill's little secret.

“It was written all over his face.” I giggled reminiscing on the moment.

We invited Bill to spend the New Year with us and as we were sitting outside – Charlie setting up the fireworks with Andrei that Fred and George left us from the wedding – Bill couldn't stop smiling and I knew something was up at once. At first, he was too shy to say anything but once he started talking about a girl he met at work he couldn't shut up about her.

I, of course, couldn't be happier. I always knew that he will find the right girl to settle down with, it was only a matter of time. And since he told Charlie about all the girls he dated through the years and kept this one a secret from everyone, I knew she was someone special.

“But I'm his brother. How did I not see it?” Charlie furrowed his brows. “Char, during my pregnancy a dragon could fly right above your head and you would miss it that's how excited you were for us to have a baby.” I giggled.

“True.” He finally gave up with a big smile over his lips. “So how's it going? Is he happy with this girl?”

“Since he wrote that he bought a wedding ring, I think so. What'd you reckon?”

“He did what?! Don't you think that's a little too fast? Where's the rush? They should get to know each other better. How does he know that she's the right one for him?” Charlie's voice was high-pitched again making it good entertainment for our daughter.

“Char, your Molly is showing,” I said with a smug expression on my face.

Charlie and his mum might not agree on many things – especially when it comes to Aoede – but sometimes when he's not thinking clearly he says the things Molly would usually say.

“Right, sorry.” He looked at me apologetically.

“It's alright. Get it all out now, because you are not saying those things in front of Bill.”

“You know I just don't want to see him get hurt again.” Charlie sighed.

“I know.”

I stood up, gave him Aoede, and walked to the hallway to the drawer where we kept letters. I put those from Bill talking about his girlfriend on a special pile and hid them behind the letters from my mum, knowing that Charlie would never look there if he got suspicious of me hiding something.

I put the letters on the table, took Aoede from him again, and nodded for him to start reading.

“Are you sure he wouldn't mind?” Charlie asked, already holding the first letter.

“In the letter he sent me today he said to tell you so that you won't be completely shocked when we go and visit them.” I giggled, getting comfy on the sofa with Aoede.

“Don't you dare make her sit,” Charlie observed what I was doing.

“I won't. I promise you'll be the first to see her sit properly.” I put my hand on my chest.

I played with Aoede, trying to make her giggle as many times as possible while Charlie was reading the letters.

“He sounds really happy with her.” Charlie finally spoke.

“I told you not to judge too quickly.” I motioned for him to join us.

“And he's dating Fleur Delacour!” He exclaimed. “She was nice at the tournament and the way she handled that dragon was amazing!”

“So do you approve?” I teased.

“I'll have to meet her but what I've read so far, I approve.” Charlie tried having a strict and serious voice.

—

“Alright, let's go through it again.” I opened the bag we had ready for Aoede.

“Her bottle?” Charlie started counting on his fingers.

“Check.”

“Her pacifier?”

“Check.”

“Her other pacifier because she keeps making the first one disappear?”

“Check.”

“The blanket she can't fall asleep without?”

“Check!”

“Baby wipes, diapers, tissues?”

“Check, check and...check!”

“Baby food?”

“I have a few bottles but we'll buy more in London.”

“Okay, then I think we have everything. Do you think we have everything, Aoede?” Charlie picked her up from the sofa next to the bag and tickled her belly, making Aoede reply to him with giggles.

We are both proud of how well we were handling parenthood. I am not going to lie, we were a bit sleep-deprived the first two months but after that, we have been doing pretty good. Charlie has been of immense help ever since Aoede has been born, making it easier for me and I am proud to say that we are quite a team when it comes to handling the baby.

Aoede has been an angel so far. Giggling and making bubbles more than crying which, I am sure, made things easier on us, and from what we have heard from other parents we are doing just fine for our first time.

Due to everyone in the Sanctuary being over the roof that someone had a baby, we can find someone to babysit whenever needed. Andrei is always the first in line when we ask and loves spending time with her, saying that they have the best conversations.

My mum likes to come and visit us whenever she gets a chance – which is at least once per week now as she would make any excuse to be with her granddaughter.

With so many people fighting over who will take care of her, Charlie and I can have some quality alone time – going on a date once a week and just enjoy being a married couple in love.

We took a plane ride for the first time in our lives. Neither Charlie and I wanted to apparate or use a Portkey with Aoede so flying with a plane was the next best thing. Charlie was already preparing himself to answer all the questions Arthur is going to ask him about our experience.

We had a pleasant flight. Both of us agree that we should do it more often. It might take longer than any magical transport but it was much safer for our daughter. My mum picked us up at the airport and we spend a week with her so that she could be with her granddaughter as much as possible.

Then we headed to the Burrow where Charlie's younger siblings took Aoede from us the second we said that they could play with her. Charlie was freaking out at first, running after them, following their every move making sure they are taking proper care of Aoede. But once he saw how gentle they were and that they mostly just sat around her and tickled her to hear her giggle and see her smile he calmed down.

As he predicted he had to tell Arthur about our flight in excruciating detail while I helped Molly in the kitchen and answered all the baby questions Ginny had. I loved how excited all of them were to be with their niece and for some reason it made Fred and George behave more.

Molly got the letter from Bill that he is coming in a few days and bringing someone with him and she desperately tried to get it out of me who it is. I knew that Bill wanted to tell them on his own so I stayed quiet, leaving Molly disappointed.

After a week at the Burrow, it was time for us to make one final stop before we would return to Romania. We needed 2 hours to say goodbye to Charlie's family as the twins hid Aoede from us to prevent us from leaving. Ginny tried her best to make her sweet, puppy eyes but she was too old now to make it work while Molly tried bribing us with cookies.

I understood that they missed us so much – us living so far away – and it warmed my heart to see how attached all of them got to Aoede. I wish we could stay longer but Charlie has to go back to work in a few days and he would never let us stay back in England – he was too protective of us to do so.

—

“Are you nervous?” I asked as we stepped out of the car my mum lent us.

“To meet Fleur or to ask him what we're here to ask him?” Charlie pressed his lips together.

“Both.” I chuckled.

“No,” Charlie shook his head, “I can't wait to see him cry though.” He giggled and knocked on the door.

“Here's my beautiful niece!” Bill exclaimed the second he opened the door.

“We are happy you are so delighted to see me and Nova,” Charlie said sarcastically.

“It's good to see you both too, but you can't beat Aoede's cuteness.” Bill hugged us both before giving me the biggest smile that let me know he wanted to hold Aoede.

He motioned with his hand to invite us inside and closed the door behind us.

“Nova, did you tell Charlie about...”

“I did.” I grinned, making Bill sigh in relief.

“She's in the living room,” Bill whispered, pointing with his finger.

“'ello. I am Fleur. So nice to finally meet you.” Fleur who was sitting on the sofa got up the second she saw us.

“Hi! My name is Nova and it's nice to finally meet you too. I have heard so much about you!” I smiled at her, making her blush.

I extended my hand for her to shake but she walked toward me with her arms opened and pulled me in a hug.

“And I remember you, Charlie. From the tournament.” She turned around, shaking his hand, not sure if he would return her hug as I did.

“Nice to see you again, Fleur.” Charlie bestowed her with a soft smile, his gaze switching between her and Bill.

“And zis must be your lovely daughter, Ayedee,” Fleur exclaimed, stepping closer to Bill to see her.

“Aoede.” Charlie corrected her, clearing his throat.

“Oh, I am zo zorry. My English iz not ze best yet.” Fleur smiled sheepishly, admiring Aoede.

“It's okay, you're not the first one to get her name wrong.” I chuckled.

I followed Fleur into the kitchen to help her prepare dinner, while Charlie stayed in the living room with Bill and our little girl.

The more I talked to Fleur the more I liked her. She was really sweet, just as Bill described her to me in his letters. She was kind and family-oriented just like Bill was, making them a perfect match. She kept asking me everything about us and Romania and Aoede and our experience with buying a house as they were looking to do the same once they marry.

It was useless to beat around the bush, pretending I don't know they got engaged since Bill told me and she told me how he proposed to her and how pleasantly surprised she was even though she wanted to marry Bill after their first date.

There was not a single doubt in my mind that she was the right girl for him as she showed just with the way she spoke about him just how much she not only loves but admires him.

“Need any help here?” Charlie leaned in the doorway with what looked like tears in his eyes, interrupting our conversation.

“Zank you, Charlie. We are managing just fine.” Fleur replied shyly.

»I zink Bill asked 'im to be 'is best man.« Fleur turned back to me as she saw my concerned and puzzled face why Charlie was on the verge of tears.

»Of course.« I giggled.

I knew what an honor that was for Charlie and since he only found out about Fleur a few weeks ago this must've been a pleasant surprise.

“You don't have to be intimidated by him, he's a big teddy bear,” I whispered to her after seeing she was nervously biting her lip.

“Bill said ze same zing,” Fleur sighed, “but it iz important to me for 'im and you to like me because you are William's best friends and closest family.”

“If it helps, I already like you.” I gave her a reassuring smile.

“Look at you sit all by yourself! You're such a big girl! Nova, I didn't know she could do this already!”

Before Fleur could say anything to my comment, Bill's baby voice made us look toward the living room.

“No, no, no! You did not!” Charlie rushed past us from the bathroom, pretty sure he forgot to flush, and went to the living room to see what was going on.

“Aoede,” he cried, “this is unbelievable. We have been trying for the past month and I just leave you alone with uncle Bill for one minute and you do it.”

“What is going on?” Fleur and I joined them.

“Look, Nova! She's sitting!” Charlie said with a shaky voice, extending both of his hands at Aoede.

“Oh, look at you! You are such a good girl!” I exclaimed, leaning to my daughter and gently brushing her cheek with my finger.

“Did I do something wrong?” Bill asked puzzled.

“Charlie is upset because he missed a lot of firsts due to being at work and he has been trying to get Aoede to sit on her own since his vacation and couldn't manage to do it and now he missed it,” I explained, feeling bad for Charlie.

“This was her first time?” Bill said in a whisper, tears in his eyes, proud that he was a part of this moment.

“Yeah, rub it in, why don't you.” Charlie scoffed, crossing his arms on his chest.

“Char, you'll get other firsts, I promise,” I said gently, hugging him from behind. “Don't be sad. Just look at how cute she is sitting.”

“She's adorable.” Charlie sniffed and kneeled next to Aoede to admire her new accomplishment.

After dinner and us celebrating their engagement, Charlie and I sat on the sofa, while Fleur and Bill were playing with Aoede on her blanket on the floor. We couldn't stop staring at them, they were so good with her. After about 15 minutes of Aoede's constant giggling, her eyes switching from Bill and Fleur as they played Peek-a-boo with her, Charlie and I exchanged looks and knew it was time to what Charlie called 'make Bill cry'.

“So,” Charlie cleared his throat, “we wanted to ask you both something.”

I looked at Charlie with my eyebrows raised as he said both.

“She's really nice, okay. You were right and I was wrong.” He playfully rolled his eyes at me.

“I told you you'll like her.” I giggled. “So, we're going with the both of them?”

“If you still want to. It was your idea.” Charlie planted a kiss on my forehead.

“I do and I am glad you agree with me.” I bestowed him with a soft smile before turning back to the trio on the floor.

“Sorry, did you say something to us?” Bill finally tore his eyes off his niece.

“Charlie said that we have to ask you something.” I chuckled.

“Okay.” Bill picked Aoede up, placing her in a sitting position on his lap, while she had her hand wrapped around Fleur's finger.

“We were wondering if you'll be Aoede's godparents?” Charlie asked softly.

“What?” Fleur gasped, her mouth open. “You mean Bill being 'er godfazer?”

“No, we want both of you.” I smiled at her.

“But you 'ave just met me,” Fleur said in shock.

“Not really,” I said, winking at Bill who told me more than enough about her in his letters for me to know that we are making the right decision and what I have seen tonight and her being so great with our baby girl, only made me more sure that she should be her godmother.

“I-” Bill didn't know what to say. “Really?” He breathed.

“Oh, come on. Are you really that surprised?” Charlie chuckled. “Who else would we trust her with if not you?”

“Are you sure?” Fleur asked.

“Yes.” Charlie and I said in unison.

“Oh, Charlie, Nova, we would be delighted!” Bill said with a shaky voice.

“Zis is such an 'onor. I don't know what to zay.” Fleur blinked fast a few times to stop her eyes from watering.

We stood up to join them on the floor and hugged them both, Aoede observing us, making a bubble with her mouth.

“Thank you for trusting Fleur so much,” He whispered to me as we hugged.

“She's perfect for you, Bill,” I whispered back, bestowing him with a smile.

“Wow...this...I...I can't believe I'm her godfather!” Bill stuttered after a few seconds of silence, a tear running down his cheek.

“I told you he will cry.” Charlie leaned to me, giggling, happy that his prediction came true.

[thinkingimmensely]

Like an Open Book IX

Part 1 | Part 8 | Part 10

A/N: Happy holidays everyone! It’s almost the new year and here’s one more chapter before 2020 ends! We follow James’ POV throughout this, and I hope you like it as much as I did when I wrote it! I really hope 2021 will do us some good ._.

MASTERLIST

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from the Potterverse!

___________________

James Potter was luckier than most teens his age- he knew that fact better than anyone else. He had great, loving parents who supported him unconditionally, he had friends who’d always have his back, and whom he was willing to do anything for as well, and he was one of the top performing students in school without exerting much effort. And sure, Lily Evans didn’t think of him in a good light right now but he was sure that she’d come around sooner or later as long as he was persistent enough, and by then he’d have the most amazing girl by his side, and life would undoubtedly be perfect. For the past five years, that was always his train of thought, it was his constant, his certainty in life.

But then she came along; and suddenly one of his closest friends had her back more than his, and Lily Evans escaped his thoughts more often than not until she had completely slipped his mind and was replaced by someone whom he never even imagined he’d become acquainted with.

He disliked her at first, even loathed her at one point; she allied herself with the person he hated the most so she automatically placed herself on a bad light, at least to him. But now here she was, sitting on a couch in his house, having tea with his mother, sharing a conversation he had no idea what about, but they sure looked like they were enjoying themselves.

His mother loved her company, he saw that, and that stirred something inside of him. Because as she was slowly penetrating his thoughts, she was also slowly becoming a presence in his life that he’d sorely miss if she ever wasn’t anymore.    

“Oh, James, come along and join us for tea.” His mother called out when she noticed him standing by the stairway, staring at them. With his train of thought broken, he made his way over, fully aware that Y/N’s eyes were on him. It somehow made him a little self-conscious. He took a seat by her side and flashed her a smile. A habit he had picked up in school. Smiling at his enemies made them hate him more, while smiling at those who aren’t had the opposite effect.   

“Y/N.” He greeted. She smiled back at him, and although it was quite subdued, it was great improvement from when she used to scowl at him every time she saw his face all those weeks ago. “The boys and I were thinking of taking a dip later, you should come with, Y/N.”

She leaned on her hand and smirked at him, now that’s a first, “Do I have a choice?”

“’fraid not, sweet.” He replied, matching her tone, making her roll her eyes at him. He turned to look at his mother who quietly sipped her tea as she watched the scene before her, a smile on her features. Thankfully she didn’t comment, but Y/N suddenly flushed, trying to hide behind her cup as she drank tea. Was he missing something?

—

“Careful, the ground’s kind of slippery.” Remus held his hand out for Y/N to hold as they headed down towards the lake. She took his hand without even hesitating, as if it was no big deal, and something dropped to the pit of his stomach.  

“Are you pouting, Prongs?” Sirius teased from his side, trying to conceal his obvious amusement.

James glared at him, which did little to no effect in quieting down his best friend, “I never pout.”  

“You’re doing it right now!” He exclaimed and James immediately hit him in the back of his head.  

“The hell Pads?!” He whispered in panic as their other three friends threw a questioning look their way. They ignored them after a few seconds and continued walking when neither boy had no inclination to share what just transpired.  

“What’s got your knickers in such a twist?”  

James frowned at him, refusing to answer. Sirius raised a brow and followed the direction his best friend was looking at. A mischievous smile forming on his face. “Does it bother you? Y/N and Remus?” James rolled his eyes heavenward, an exasperated sigh escaping him. Bingo. “Aren’t you a tad bit curious on their relationship? Why they’re so close?”

“Didn’t we have this conversation already?”  

“I think so, but it seems to bother you with no end nonetheless.”  

James didn’t reply to that. If he was honest with himself, then yes, he was bothered by it, so much that it distracted and irked him; but then he didn’t look forward to answer Sirius’ no doubt many questions, so he chose denial instead. “It’s none of my business.” He muttered in finality, signaling the end of their conversation.  

Besides, the other person was Remus; if Remus liked you like they thought he did, he’d support him with everything he’s got. It wasn’t everyday Remus fancied someone since in the back of his mind he knew the werewolf still thought he didn’t deserve to be with anyone because of his condition, which was total bullocks. Remus deserved happiness, just like any other person.

A shriek soon rang out followed by a splash. James just realized they already arrived at the lake, and Y/N was already submerged in the cold waters. She gasped for air, “Sirius Black!” She shouted as the gray-eyed boy laughed out loud.  

The girl soon got her wand out and grinned evilly at Sirius, making the boy’s laughter immediately die down. “Now Y/N,” He started, “be reasonable.”  

Y/N conjured a whip right out of her wand and waved her hand, expertly catching Sirius in her grip and pulling him down the water, creating another splash. The whip disappeared as soon as Sirius’ body hit the water, and when he swam back up for air, he gave Y/N an incredulous look, “That’s not fair!”

Y/N laughed out loud for the first time since they started their little vacation, making James’ heart swell. “I think it’s time you learned that life isn’t fair Siri!” She laughed and splashed him then hurriedly turned to swim away. Sirius immediately went on pursuit. Peter had already stripped off his shirt and ran towards the lake, “Geronimo!” he shouted and jumped in the cool water.

James stood beside Remus, the other boy shaking his head at the antics of his friends. “Jumping in Rem?” He asked.  

The brunette shrugged, “Maybe later.” He replied. “You?”

James contemplated as he watched Sirius pull Y/N towards him and dunk her head down in the water, the girl pulling his long locks in retaliation. “Same.” He answered.

Remus chuckled then spread out a wide picnic blanket on the grass. The two boys sat down, soaking in the summer heat; Remus got a chocolate bar out of the small basket they brought, offering James some, but the raven-haired boy shook his head in response. “Suit yourself.” The boy soon took out a book from the basket and opened it to the page he last stopped in, his bookmark slipped off, and just as he was about to pick it back up, James had reached it first.  

“Here you go-” James was about to say but stopped to stare... it was a picture... a picture of Y/N. So, Hope Lupin wasn’t lying when she said Remus had a picture of the girl. A frown formed on his face. He noticed Remus’ outstretched hand, and he immediately wiped it off his face and gave the picture back.  

All James could hear was the pounding of his heart, and with every beat, it hurt. He bit his lower lip. For the first time in his life, he was speechless. What the hell happened to supporting Remus with all his got when all he felt was a stab in his chest that wouldn’t seem to go away?

“I’m not competition, Prongs.” Remus informed him, noticing the look on his friend’s face.  

James whipped his attention to Remus, giving him a disbelieving look. “What?”

Remus sighed, closing his book, guess he wouldn’t be doing any reading now. “There’s nothing going on between me and Y/N. She’s like a sister to me.” He clarified, “I know it’s been driving you nuts, but do you realize your feelings now?”

“My... my feelings?” James stammered and ran a hand through his hair, the wheels in his head turning, “I... but you... the picture...” His hands gesturing around him wildly, becoming quite flustered.

“There’s something I haven’t told the lot of you,” Remus confessed, “not because it's a really big secret that no one should know about, but because I’m quite ashamed of myself really.”  

James shook his head, “I- I don’t follow.”

Remus held his hand up, “Let me finish,” he said. Their friends’ laughter rang out from the lake, but they paid them no mind as the air around them lack any mirth or the like. “Y/N and I met on the train to Hogwarts on our first year.” He had a faraway look on his face, the memories playing clearly in his mind, of their awkward introductions and initial conversation, “She was my first friend...”

James stayed quiet as he waited for Remus to continue; “Before I met you and Sirius, she was all I had for those first gruesome weeks in the castle; she knew from the get-go what I was y’see, she even consoled me when news about my mum’s illness came not long after, but... but I left her alone.” He let out a bitter smile, regret and guilt laced his features. “I tried to get her to join us when we became friends, but she wouldn’t. She was as closed off as I was y’see, and we found companionship in that fact. But when the four of us became friends, I think she thought that somehow, she wasn’t part of my picture anymore.”

The both of them looked at their other friends by the lake; at Y/N who was a completely different person now compared to Remus’ words. 

“She said she was happy that I found my place and that I didn’t have to worry about her anymore. I know now that I should’ve tried harder to convince her.”

James frowned, “You should’ve told us, we could’ve helped you and befriended her sooner.”

Remus let out a dry laugh, not a lace of any humor in it, and run a hand through his brown locks, “I know, I should’ve. But really, I thought she hated me and didn’t want to be friends anymore. Because other than the full moon days, she acted as if she didn’t know me.” 

“I-wait, what? So she knows? How? We didn’t even figure it out until second year!”  

Remus shook his head, “I can’t tell you how... just that she knew. Even when the four of us became friends, she still walked with me towards the Whomping Willow, and she was there every time I opened my eyes in the morning at the Hospital Wing, she only stopped when she knew you guys were aware of my condition.”

James gulped. He... he had no idea. “That Ravenclaw kid with the camera took this picture of her last year, I had to swipe it off of ‘im cause I reckon she wouldn’t want a stranger to have a picture of her.” motioning towards his book. “It was the least I could do, and I would’ve left it at the house but mum thought it was funny if she inserted it on one of my books, hence the bookmark. Anyway, I’m not proud of what I did, I shouldn’t have left her when she needed me as well, and now I just want to make it up to her. So, you don’t have to hold back on my expense, Prongs.”  

James stared off at the light that shined on the water as silence engulfed them. He felt that Remus was still hiding something about Y/N, but he chose not to pry. So... Remus didn’t fancy Y/N. Relief washed over him like a wave and he couldn’t help the sheep smile that broke off his face. “Oh, thank Merlin...” He breathed, letting out a shaky laugh. “Why did you decide to tell me?” He asked.

Remus smirked, “Because you looked absolutely pitiful, you twat.” He answered, laughter laced in his voice, “I could even feel you shooting daggers my way whenever I’m with Y/N. It was hilarious really, even Padfoot and Wormtail thought so. But everything’s gotta come out eventually right?”

“Padfoot, that git, so he knew all along?”

“That there was nothing going on between Y/N and I? Everyone but you knew I reckon. You’re the first one I talked about our history though.” James felt like an idiot, how could everyone but he, know?  

“Oi wankers! If you’re quite done, come join us!” Sirius called out as he threw his wet shirt to shore.  

“I guess that’s our cue.” Remus muttered stood up, taking off his footwear, he ran towards the lake, and James soon followed suit. 

___________________

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[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 25

Chapter 25: The Only Exception

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6   🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling, you are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception

And up until now I had sworn to myself That I'm content with loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

                                   The first hour of the ride was pretty silent. Devon kept playing with the buttons of the radio, switching channels and humming a few of the songs. I knew she was nervous but I also knew she wanted to be away from here. She had taken the time to get changed into jeans and a t-shirt, and she also took her make up off, and when she sent me a smile with her bags on her shoulders, I realized she was just as pretty than she was with a dress and red lipstick. We had also stopped by the art department to grab a few canvas and it made me wonder if she would let me watch her paint or if she'd lock herself in a room of my apartment.

"Are you ever gonna let me listen to one of the songs you wrote?" she finally asked after a while, taking me out of my thoughts.

I glanced at her and raised my eyebrows up in surprise before looking back at the road. "I don't know, I don't usually do that." I admitted, not sure if it was a good idea. "Why would you like to hear?"

She shrugged a shoulder and looking down at her hands as she played nervously with her fingers. I didn't know why my question stressed her but now I was even more interested in the answer.

"You saw one of my paintings, so it would be fair." she just pointed out without really answering. "I heard you were really good at that, too."

"Who said that? Louis?" I raised my eyebrows again with a chuckle. "It doesn't count, he's always rooting for me."

"Him and others." she quickly replied, looking up. "You're not so modest normally."

I turned my head to her again, noticing she was sending me a cheeky half-smile and I chuckled.

"I didn't say he was not right." I corrected her with a smirk.

This time, she started laughing and I joined her but when she stopped, she turned her head my way and leaned it again the bench. I wanted to stop on the side of the road to look at her too. I wanted to just stare at her for hours and I couldn't wait to arrive at our destination.

"Louis really loves you, you know." she expressed in a low tone with emotions. "Whenever he talks about you, it's with kindness and love in his voice. And also regrets and guilt."

I didn't expect her to go there but my smile fell and I breathed in before sighing.

"I know."

"I know why you're mad at him and, honestly, what he did was horrible, especially for a friend. But I want you to know he's sincere when he says he's sorry and he regrets what he did." she continued before licking her lips. "He didn't ask me to talk to you, by the way. And-And.. you obviously don't have to forgive him, but I wanted you to know that."

It took me a while to answer. I tried to keep track of the emotions it brought in me but I was not sure how I felt. I wanted to make Devon happy and tell her that Louis and I were okay, but I knew it was because she was the one asking me. I didn't know how I felt about Louis. I still considered him one of my best friends, and I couldn't pretend that he hadn't been an amazing friend to me in the past few years. On the other hand, it didn't erase the pain inside me. I didn't have feelings for my ex girlfriend anymore, but he had still hurt me, and I didn't know how I could really trust him again. Maybe it would take time, maybe it would never go back to the way it was, I didn't know and I didn't want to force myself to anything.

"I thought she was the love of my life, you know." I explained slowly after a few minutes of silence. "And he knew that, and he slept with her anyway. I know he was drunk, I know she insisted... but it doesn't change anything. My trust is shaken. They both made me suspicious of everyone. I was not even a jealous person and now I can barely control it. It fucked me up in more ways than I thought it would."

I couldn't remember the last time I had opened up to someone like that but I was glad it was with her. Perhaps I did that unconciously because I had feeling for her, or maybe it was because I knew she could understand how I felt. Either way, the fond smile she sent me made my heart twist and I sent it back.

"I'm pretty fucked up myself." she chuckled, turning her head back and tilting her chin up with a sigh. "I can't blame you."

Silence came back between us but it was not heavy. In fact, it was light and knowing, as if we understood each other and we accepted each other the way we were without question. I enjoyed this atmosphere and I realized I had never felt like that with anyone else in my life.

"I knew he was not the love of my life." Devon replied, bringing one of her feet on the bench to lean her cheek on her knee. "Deep down I even knew he didn't really love me. But I didn't want to face it. I wanted to keep pretending I was special for him. I just wanted to feel special for someone. I want someone who wants me, who thinks I'm pretty, who genuinely love me. I know it's not happening but I wanted to dream. I know what people see when they look at me."

"What do you think people see when they look at you?"

She was not answering and I dared turning to look at her. My heart broke when I saw tears coming out of her eyes and she sniffed before closing them. "A below average girl. Someone who's not physically attractive and most people stop there. And the very few who actually give me a chance? They see a broken person with no self-esteem, a naive girl who was so in need of affection that she let a man play with her and now she's can't get over it. Tell me, Niall, who the fuck would want to start something with someone like that?"

I saw my apartment appear on the road and I remained silent until I was parked. We both remained silent and motionless, sitting in my car. I knew I should have replied 'me', because it was true. I should have told her that I would want to start something with her if she gave me a chance, but I felt like saying that would be the equivalent to tell her that I was the only one who could ever be interested in her, and it was not true.

"Can you help me with my bags?" she asked, wiping her eyes quickly without looking at me.

She reached for the handle and opened the door slightly when I grabbed her free wrist.

"Devie." she stopped but it took her a few seconds to turn her head and look in my eyes. "Many people, trust me."

---

"The guest room is on your left." I pointed out when we walked in.

She walked slowly inside, her eyes moving everywhere in my living room. She turned slowly on herself to make sure she saw everything and it made me chuckle. She finally got out of her thoughts and blinked a few times before frowning.

"The-The guest room?" her face changed and she cleared her throat. "Oh you have a guest room."

"Yea," I chuckled again. "You didn't think I'd let you sleep on the couch, did you?"

I helped her bring her stuff to the room but she kept quiet the whole time and when I finally grabbed my phone to order, I noticed she was sitting in front of my piano. I joined her, sitting next to her on the small bench, and started playing an old song of mine but decided not to sing.

"It's pretty." she just pointed out, letting her fingertips slip on the keys without making any sound.

"I wrote it about Abby a few years ago." I admitted, staring at her fingers. "The lyrics don't mean anything anymore but back then, I really felt them."

"If you want to sing me a song you wrote, I think you should sing one that's not about her."

I turned my head slightly to look at her but she was too focused on her own fingers on the piano to notice. I wanted to tell her that I would sing a song about her instead but I didn't want things to be awkward with her after only an hour at my apartment.

"Good idea."

We decided to eat pizza while watching a movie and I told myself I'd need to go grocery shopping the next day to make sure we wouldn't have to order every single meal we'd eat. The movie was funny and every time she laughed, I'd turn my head to look at her. It was crazy how much better she seemed to be now that we were away from school and her bad memories. I ended up making tea and we sat at the kitchen's table to drink it while looking by the window in silence. I didn't know silence could be so comfortable with someone. I was used to be by myself and I liked it that way, but when Devon was there, it was like being alone but better. I didn't know how to explain it but I knew I'd need to write a song about it.

"Why did you bring me here, Niall?" she finally asked after half an hour of comfortable silence.

I turned to her and she was already looking at me. "You asked me to take you as far away as possible and this is the first place that came to my mind." I admitted, shrugging a shoulder.

She didn't say anything and we kept quiet for an other few minutes.

"Niall, I don't-" she stopped herself and sighed, closing her eyes. "Niall, I don't want to sleep in your guest room. I would prefer to be in your room, with you."

It took me by surprise but it also made my heart jump high in my chest and my whole body started throbbing. We had never really slept in the same bed, not for more than a few minutes, and It never even crossed my mind that she would want to share a bed with me.

"I'm scared to wake up and panic if I'm alone." she added when she realized I wasn’t answering.

"What did you do when you lived with Lewis?" I asked gently.

"Most of the time I fell asleep in the living room. When he realized what I was doing, he fell asleep with me on the other couch so when I woke up he was there. Or sometimes, I'd invite Louis over." she explained while looking down. It seemed like she was ashamed of it and I was not sure why. "It's okay if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay, you can sleep with me in my bed, it's big enough."

She looked up and her eyes met mine as a small smile appeared on her lips. Why did she make me feel like that? Why did everything she did make me feel like a teenager in love? A kid who couldn't control his feelings and his hormones?

"Can I take a shower?"

I leaned against the door the whole time she took a shower, my eyes closed, wondering what she was doing exactly, how she was feeling... Somehow, I could feel that her mind was still on Henry and Cammy who had both betrayed her but selfishly, I hoped she was also thinking about me. When the shower stopped, I sighed and walked to my room, ready to take her place. I told her I would be quick and when I walked back into my room, she was laying on my bed, under the covers. I normally only sleep in my boxers but I put a t-shirt this time, just to make sure she was not uncomfortable. I kept the lights on and lied down next to her in silence for a while. It was not awkward but for some odd reason, my heart was beating harder and faster than usual. It was ridiculous. I was in bed with a girl I had feelings for, something I thought would never happen again, and I was scared of what could happen between us.

"How do you feel?" I finally asked, turning my body completely her way.

"I don't know. I thought I was healed but I guess it takes time." she admitted low. "I feel.. I feel worthless."

"They don't decide of your value." I pointed out in a whisper. "You're a million times better than them. You're special, Devie. You just can't see it."

"You don't have to say these things, Niall." she murmured, licking her lips before glancing at mine. "It's not your job to make me feel better about myself."

"I'm not just saying it, okay? I mean it." I insisted gently just as low. "Devie, you're anything but average."

"I'm below that."

"No, you're not." I quickly argued, bringing my hand to her cheek and running my thumb slowly on her face. "So you got your heart broken and it fucking hurts, I know. Someone played with your feelings and it's horrible, I know that feeling. But you? You as a person, you as a woman... you are not to blame. And it doesn't make you worthless. It just makes them assholes."

She swallowed hard and I saw her tear up as my heart kept thumping hard in my chest.

"Why are you so nice to me?" she breathed but I could still hear her voice crack slightly. "I thought you hated me."

"I never hated you. Not a second."

I felt a sudden rush invade my whole body as I admitted that to her. She blinked a few times and I brought my face closer to hers, pressing my lips against hers as my body started throbbing hard. I could feel her vibrate near me and I couldn't push the thought away, the one that told me she felt for me exactly the way I did for her.

"Why are you doing that, Niall?" she asked against my mouth, her lips brushing against mine.

"I just want to make you feel better." I explained, my eyes never leaving hers.

"How?"

I stared at her for a minute or two and she did the same. So many things came to my mind but I swallowed most words I wanted to let out. I had many ideas but I was not sure it would really make her feel better or if it would make me feel good. Was I doing that for myself? I wanted it to be exclusively about her, if only to show her I meant every word I had told her.

"When's the last time you had someone between your legs?"

Her face changed into surprise and something else I couldn't decipher. Was it lust? She squirmed slightly in bed and I could swear she had squeezed her thighs together but I didn't dare looking. I just let my eyes roam on her face from up close, waiting for her answer.

"I don't... I don't know." she confessed, licking her lips. "Henry was not so much into that."

"Henry is a fucking loser."

Silence invaded the room once again. It was pure torture waiting for her decision but at the same time, It gave me time to just stare at her the way I wanted to do it back when I was driving. She had a little scar barely visible near her mouth and I couldn't believe I had never noticed before.

"Nothing will have changed tomorrow morning, you know?" she pointed out with a small frown. "I will still be against love and romantic relationships."

"I know."

I couldn't say I didn't expect it but it still hurt me a bit. I knew it would take time and I was not even sure she would ever give me an other chance, but it didn't make me change my mind. I would still wait for her because there was no one I was ready to be with anyway, no one else I wanted or cared for.

"I just want to make you feel good."

She nodded so lightly I barely saw but I was suddenly impatient to taste her. I wanted to slip my hand in her sweatpants and touch her but that's not what I had mentioned and slowly, I brought my hand under the sheets, pulling gently on her pants. She moved her butt up and helped me until her pants fell in a light thud on the floor. Knowing she was naked from the waist down laying right next to me was exciting but I tried to focus on what I was about to do instead of all the other thoughts rushing to my brain.

I slid down before disappearing under the sheets and was glad that I had left the lights on, making it possible to see what I was doing through the white sheets of my bed. She brought her knees up, placing her feet flat on the mattress and exposing her pussy to me. I muttered a low 'fuck', barely believing what was happening and what I was lucky enough to see. I licked my lips without thinking at the sight of her inner thighs and breathed in, trying to bring my heartbeats back to normal.

Slowly, I ran two fingers on her slit and she tensed a bit before relaxing again. It was my cue to bring my mouth closer and press my tongue on her clit.

"Oh. Fuck." she let out, grinding a bit my way.

I stopped what I was doing and brought my mouth to her left thigh, sometimes leaving a trail of small kisses on it, sometimes brushing my lips against her skin before doing the same with the right one. I felt her squirm a bit and she seemed impatient but I didn't want to go too fast, especially if she hadn't had someone between her legs in a long time. I ran my tongue on one of her lips slowly, tilting my head slightly to suck on it gently and finally pushed my tongue inside her.

"Oh my.. god."

I started going slowly, moving my tongue in and out of her, and the faster I went, the more her hips met with my movements. She tasted amazing, the bitter-sweet flavor reaching my buds and making me slightly dizzy. She started whimpering and let out a few curse words but it's only when she moaned my name that I realized how hard I was.

"Fuck, Niall." her voice was low, in a mix of a whisper and a whimper, and my hard cock started throbbing against the mattress. I couldn't let that distract me and i brought my mouth to her clit, alternating between sucking it and flicking my tongue on it until I felt her squirm more.

She pushed the covers off my head and I pressed my cock harder on the bed, grinding a bit as I noticed she had moved her shirt up and was running one of her hands on her breasts. It reminded me of that time in the elevator when I had barely touched her and I just wanted to move back up to touch them. I fought against that urge and her free hand slipped in my hair, gripping it tightly and holding me down on her.

"Niall, please don't stop I'm gonna cum."

Her words brought a rush to my brain and I sucked harder, rubbing myself against the mattress at the same time as both my hands gripping her thighs tight, my fingers sinking in her skin. Her eyes were closed, her back was arching, and I knew it was a matter of seconds before I would see her cum.

"Fuck fuck fuck..." she let out and suddenly stopped moving.

He lips parted and an expression of intense pleasure appeared on her face as I kept going, trying to make her orgasm last as long as possible. She started shaking against me and I felt her gush on my lips and chin, almost bringing me to my own orgasm. It took a bit longer than I thought before her body relaxed and her grip in my hair loosened but when she did, her knees fell on the sides and she let out a satisfied whimper, making me smile against her pussy. I kissed her clit and it gave her a spasm before I ran my tongue again but very slowly between her legs, gathering her orgasm to taste her some more. She played with my hair, her fingers slipping in it before she scratched my head gently. I moved back up very slowly on top of her, leaving kisses on her stomach and letting my eyes linger a bit on her tits before moving up to her face. I could feel how hard her nipples were against my chest and her eyes fluttered open to meet mine. She sent me a fond smile until it suddenly turned into an amused one.

"That turned you on?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as I realized she probably felt how hard I was between her legs.

It was crazy but I could swear I could still feel her pussy throb against me, but it was probably just the throbbing of my cock against it. She reached for my face gently, biting her bottom lip, and wiped the vestige of her orgasm on my chin.

"Do you want me to-"

"No, no." I cut her quickly, shaking my head but still looking in her eyes. "I just wanted to make you feel better."

Her smile fell and she studied me for a while, her eyes slightly smaller. I remained motionless, letting her look at me, and when she brought one of her hands on my back, I held my breath. Her fingertips ran under my shirt, up and down my spine, and I licked my lips.

"How was it?" I wondered, sending her a small smile. "Better than Bob?"

She chuckled and shook her head with a grin. "I don't know a Bob."

We both chuckled again and I waited for my brain to form a coherent but not too intense thought before talking again.

"How about we try something else tomorrow?"

Her smile faltered and she started nibbling on her bottom lip. I knew she was hesitating but I counted on her post-orgasm feeling to help her agree to my proposition. I had never felt closer than anyone else in general, but it was the same thing sexually, and even if I shouldn't be surprised that Devon and I connected on everything, sex included, I couldn't help but be amazed by it. Was that what it felt like to meet someone that was perfect for you? Could that be qualified as 'soulmates'?

"Yea, we should."

Her answer made my lips curl into a big smile despite myself and I chuckled again.

"I thought we were not the kind of friends who have sex?" I teased with a grin, making her smile too and shrug.

"What happens here, stays here."

[the-darklings]

coa one year later & self-reflection

(*drags out a creaky metal chair and plops down on it heavily*)

Hi. It’s me, ya boi skinny--

Wait, wrong one. Do over.

Hi, it’s me, Kat, and I’m not dead. Clearly. Today being one year anniversary of COA has kinda put me in a reflective mood, so I guess I decided to sit down and just...talk about some things, thoughts and feelings I’ve been bottling inside for a hot sec. Especially given how radio silent I have gone on here and people deserve a bit of perspective. 

And before anyone starts worrying, it’s all good, and I’m still around and currently in good health for the most part. 

So, let’s take it back to the start. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, we need to go back a year for that. 

By technicality alone, COA actually turned one year old on October 12th. That’s when the first part was posted. However, the reason I’m treating today as the aforementioned birthday is simple: I had no intention of this story ever being more than a short two-parter. I told this to the discord gang already but COA was only going to have two parts. V was going to die in Tokyo and the rest of the story follows glimpses of John throughout the movies and it’s her ghost that haunts him. Skipping ahead, it was going to have a bittersweet ending of John eventually dying, having completed his task, only to be greeted by V, Daisy and Helen in the afterlife. A peace of sorts. Then, I realised that, well, no. I have more to say on this world and intrigue about this placeholder character V kept growing. 

November 1st happened and I made a very last minute call to continue COA but with the added pressure of doing it during NaNoWriMo 2019. And boy did I. Most of the story was figured out during that very intense month. I posted Part 2 on this day a year ago because I was so eager to share it. Perhaps, in retrospect, a bit too eager. 

For those of you who may not know this, I work as a writer full time for my actual every day job. I’m the main writer for an original webcomic called In the Bleak Midwinter on Webtoon.com and have been for almost two years now. Getting what is essentially your dream job is amazing. I’m very lucky on that front but it also taught me stark realities of having your job and only hobby overlap. It’s a dangerous creative mix. Especially because I was not used to being constraint in what I create or the feeling like I have to please anyone else. Writing as a job is a whole other avenue of creative exhaustion. I love my job a lot and am very, very lucky to have it but it doesn’t change the fact that those initial stages made me fall back on COA a lot for creative freedom that I craved so desperately. To an unhealthy degree looking back on it now. 

But going back to November last year. NaNo time. I did it. Finished on the 24/25th I believe. A juicy final count of 52k+. All while maintaining a weekly update schedule for a fic that usually hit around 10k per update, if not more, even during those early days. Add writing an original story on top of that. Writing every day for hours on end (we are talking 10-12hr days) without any time for other hobbies or time for myself in general. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Losing weight and sleep in the process. I think the thing that convinced me that I should continue doing so is the fact that the outpour of support for COA ended up surpassing anything I ever expected or even dared to hope for. I’m not a huge numbers person but the outpour of love and just sheer investment in the story and characters blew me away. John Wick fandom is on the smaller side and has been going through downtime when I posted COA so my expectations were...well, small tbh. I like keeping expectations low to avoid any disappointments in general. But I’ve also always had an issue of being a massive 0 or 100 kind of person. If I love something, it consumes me. In this case, it brought me as much joy and freedom as much as it was steadily pushing me towards the ultimate crash. 

That being said, I can’t thank you all enough for every comment, like, reblog and message and fanart. You’re the reason I got this far. With your support. It brightened some really dark days for me.

But. 

To be frank, it’s never been about you guys. I never wrote or pushed because I felt like I had to appease anyone. That creative mindset is pure poison and I long since learned to let go of it. I kept pushing and kept working myself to the bone because I liked it. I liked how reading peoples’ responses made me feel. I liked the addictive nature of reading all the comments and theories after an update. I loved the idea of brightening peoples’ days and giving them something to cheer them up after what might have been a shitty day. Even if that was at expense of my own time/well being. But for a long time, it wasn’t. I love writing a lot but facts remain facts. 

It was beyond unhealthy and burnout wasn’t a question of if but when and that when was approaching at neck-breaking speed. 

So we come to the end of November. Part 4 has just come out. People were invested and I was invested alongside them. I was just finishing up Part 5 which (back then) was the biggest single chapter I’ve ever written and god I still recall my sheer dread because that was the beginning of Santino being established as a LI. Looking back on that now, it’s downright hilarious how worried I was about the reception of him and V together after John.

So honestly, I hit burnout at around Part 8. Because that’s the first time I recall struggling with writing a chapter. Part 8 came out on December 28th. I had a brief break for holidays. But my mistake was not taking longer back then. Because I continued writing with a barely healed burnout. Followed by almost a year of struggling and continuously creating through that state. It wasn’t like I eased off the pressure, either. Oh, no. The chapters grew in size, the world and the characters with it. AUs amassed quickly and while I adore every single one - again, I didn’t know how to pace myself well enough.

I’m spiteful though. The more the chapters struggled the more I pushed against the burnout. By the time Chicago arrived, however, I knew I was in trouble. I ended up writing 43k+ in a span of 2 months, I believe. And while to some it may not seem like a lot given the time frame, it’s a lot when you’re burnout to a crisp & writing an original story for work + deadlines. Which I was burned out and then some. Chicago was something I was looking forward to writing for months. I have built it up since Part 4. It was a long time coming. So while I’m still proud of it, I would be lying if I said that some scenes were not sacrificed for the sake of keeping to my invisible schedule that no one but me actually cared about. You guys have always been patient. I never felt pushed into anything. It’s always only ever been me doing the harm. 

Chicago was the downwards spiral for me mentally. I felt like I was failing to live up to my own expectations. That people were drifting away from it. I was plagued by the thought that the story I poured so much into was falling apart and growing weaker. Which this has always been an issue with me: I am my own harshest critic. Always have been. In fact, I’m a downright mean little fucker when it comes to just tearing at myself. I know writing is for fun - and it is - but I still like the idea of being proud of my work which only made everything worse despite the love each update received. 

This takes us to the beginning of June. Specifically, June the 2nd. Or, as I like to call it: Kat Makes Another Impulsive Decision but This One Actually Works Out For the Better. On this day, I created the COA Discord server. And damn, I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting when I did ngl. I did it for fun and as an escape more so than anything. But somehow it ended up being the best decision I made in a long while. I know some of you are reading this. So love you lots, dorks. It’s such a privilege to be able to call so many of you my friends even outside of COA now. That little community has given me some of the best memories from this year and helped me to crawl out of my own metaphorical pit I was stuck in. Mentally, I’m doing much better than I did beginning of this summer. Which could be summed up as a constant self-hatred cycle and a feeling of inadequacy. 

That, however, does not mean my burnout magically disappeared. If anything Chapter 17 just put a nail in the coffin so to speak. 2020 has been a shitty year just across the board for obvious reasons I don’t need to go into here but that can only partially be attributed to my mental state. Chapter 17 was...exhaustive. To say the least. But I was determined to stick with my vision and not split it up. I was also starting to be a bit more forgiving towards myself in terms of how long I may take to write it thanks to guys on discord though the feeling of failure and worry never quite faded fully. I’m proud of Part 17. Truly. But that was also when I hit rock bottom creatively on COA. It drained me completely. 

I tried writing Part 18 for weeks after, day in and day out, not getting past the first scene and hating every word I wrote. So I took a deep breath and stopped. Figured I let it marinate and wait instead of trying to piece one of the most crucial chapters in this story like some Frankenstein monster two sentences at the time.

So my solution was simple: give myself some distance from it and write other things. Get my spark back. Of course that’s always a good idea. Having multiple creative escapes is the best thing you can do for yourself creatively. There was just one tiny little problem. 

I was still burned out. Still am. The problem went deeper than just being burned out over COA. I was burned out over writing itself. 

Which is an issue for a person who only has writing as a creative outlet.

I don’t have any other way to express myself. So I was stuck in a runt, trying to write because it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely happy even when I really shouldn’t have. And let me tell you. It’s a shitty fucking feeling. My burnout worsened. I had a thousand ideas but every time I tried to get them down it felt forced, fragmented, and weak. Repetitive and dry. Now, this is also in part because English isn’t my native language, so my vocab is limited as a result, but I hit that sweet rock bottom in that regard, too. 

So, I worked on V (but in her OC form Clara), Lucien and The Elites. All those characters have grown so much since you last read about them. I have multiple original projects planned down the line that will feature all of them existing in their own world, with their own stories and no longer constrained by JW canon.  

Which, finally, takes us to the end of October and beginning of November 2020. 

I was convinced that the best course of action was to do NaNo again but with an original story this time (involving V). Suffice to say, it took a grand total of maybe 5-6 days and hating every second of writing it while also feeling like this project I’m so passionate and excited to write (still am) is just...going down the toilet to be blunt, to realise I may have made the wrong call. 

Still, the stubborn ass that I am, I pushed through. Convinced I can get into it if I just keep going. The realizations that I am sharing with you right now won’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for a rather curious turn of events about a week and a half ago.

I recently bought a gaming laptop, all in preparation for Cyberpunk 2077 dropping ofc. But, in the meantime, I kept recommending a game to a friend on the COA server. That game? Far Cry 5. (It’s a blast to play btw, just a side note.) And playing it brought back all the feelings of nostalgia from the days when I used to write for that fandom. So I revisited some old work. Checked the stuff I never published and that has been sitting ducks in my docs for months and hoo boy. Let me tell you it was a vibe check of the worst kind. 

The stark difference in the prose and the ease with which it flowed was...startling. It made me remember why I love writing so much and how proud I used to be of what I wrote back in the day. Which is not to say I’m not proud now, but it was just such a sharp dip in quality it was impossible to ignore.  

So I didn’t.  

I paused NaNo, moving it to another month. I paused writing for everything but work, which with our season coming to an end I will also get a rest from soon, too. I kinda paused in general. For the first time in a while, I finally forced myself to switch off. Rest. 

The reason why I haven’t been on here is simple: guilt and not having energy to be on here. I like making my blog a safe space for everyone. Similar to escape it has become for me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I felt obliged to perform and being here became exhausting. I haven’t been checking my inbox. Haven’t done much of anything except occasionally dropping by and reblogging a random post so people know I’m alive.

And that’s that, folks. That’s where I am currently. Resting. Completely exhausted mentally but resting. Getting my energy back. 

So where does that leave us, huh? If you read this far, dunno what to tell you. Thanks, I suppose. It’s still odd to think people actually care about my existence sometimes.

I know what you’re likely thinking, too. So does this mean COA is never gonna be finished? What is gonna happen to it? Are you abandoning it?

The answer: no. 17 out of 25 chapters and 250k+ in, I’m too far in not to give it a proper conclusion. Not because I owe it to anyone other than myself. I want this story to be a stepping stone for my future as a writer. I want to prove to myself that I can get this done and finish it. As of right now (as you can no doubt tell with how long it’s been since last update) it’s on a soft hiatus while I rest. This rest? Not sure how long it may last. Right now, my plan is till mid December at which point I will reevaluate. Ideally, I finish the year with an update. But my New Year’s resolution is to finish COA. That timeline has become a little more murky now but, again, ideally it’s within the first quarter of 2021. Will that happen? I don’t know. And I don’t want to make false promises, either. 

All I’m saying is that it will be done. I’m just no longer sure how long, exactly, it may take me to reach that Epilogue. I don’t expect many people to stick around for however long it may take me, but if you do, thank you. Truly. I really and deeply mean that. 

So what’s on the cards for this blog in the meantime? Well, CP77 is coming out in under a month (if it doesn’t get moved again lmao rip) and I expect that to be my soft return to posting my writing on here again. We will see where the muse takes me, if at all. Regardless though, I’m excited. 

One doctorate thesis later, here we are at the end of this really long rambling session. I hope that this has given you some perspective on things going on behind the scenes. I spared you some of the gorier details but I think this post has been long overdue. I suppose I, myself, was just too unwilling to face these things despite knowing about them deep down for a while now. I’m too self-critical not to notice but acting on correcting this behavior has been a whole other matter clearly. 

Thank you for reading this post, my writing in general, and supporting me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still around. More is on the way in the future. I’ll be seeing you all real soon. And all my love to all of you. 

Love,

- Kat.   

[luciesbabyboy]

The Letter.

Something momma and me wrote together, the background to this is fact, the solution is pure fantasy. But OMG this was such fun to write together.

Steve came home to an empty house after 21 days working away. It had been the longest stretch working away and he was completely broken. His wife had sent him a message earlier saying she was sorry she wouldn’t be there when he got home from his flight, but not to worry she would be home at 9pm, she was just having coffee with an old friend.

He made himself a cup of tea and sat down on the sofa and flicked on the TV. His eye was drawn to the fireplace and an plain white envelope with “Darling, please read me��� written in his wife’s handwriting

Having picked it up he returned to the sofa and gently prised open the envelope, his nostrils caught the sent of his wifes perfume and he smiled at the thought of her. He opened the letter and began to read.

 “Darling,

First, let me tell you how much I love you and how proud of you I am for everything you do. You make me feel so loved and our time apart is only made so much better when we are together. However, I’m really worried about you. I know you’re not telling me the whole truth about the hours you are putting in, but I know as you read this letter that you are completely destroyed mentally and physically and its will take you days to recover. But you’re not recovering, you’re surviving, you’re not eating properly, you’re not getting the sleep you need, you’re not getting any exercise, you’re waking up, going to work, eating crap to feed your depleted energy, you’re working 15 hours a day and 7 days a week and you’ve just done this for 21 days. How you’re not in hospital I really don’t know.

 What you have done at that business, is beyond remarkable, you’ve single handed built it to an extremely successful, profitable business, but you have to look after yourself. If you don’t I fear you’ll self implode. I’ve seen you when you come home from a tough period away and I can tell you’re just minutes from going down the drain. How you recover enough to face another week is beyond me.

 We need to get you back to where you were mentally and physically 4 years ago, cooking and eating great healthy food, loving life, exercising and reading....remember how you used to soak up books, almost a book every week, and we used to sit listening to classic alums on the record player. Now you just sit down and because you’re exhausted you don’t engage with much. I understand, but we used to have so much fun, we’d spend time with friends and family or just being on our own.

 I know you’re at breaking point, and I fear that any day I’m going to get a call from your work saying you’ve had a heart attack or a mental breakdown. Thats why, this week, I contacted your CEO and she agrees with me. Again she is amazed at what you have achieved for the company and the group, but she agrees that you’re on the verge. The business will cope, you’ve built the foundations, you have got the staff in there running it, you now need to step away and relax.

 So from this weekend, with your bosses blessing, you have a 10 week leave of absence. We have 10 weeks to reset you, to get you back into a mental state that gives me confidence that you’ll not kill yourself before your next birthday.

 And I know exactly how to rest you “little man” 😊

 On the other side of this letter is a 10 week program to take you back to basics, to allow your brain and body to dump all of that stress and then to slowly build you back up. You will, if you agree, give up all responsibilities and I will make sure you are looked after like the gorgeous little man you are.

 Weeks 1 & 2

                Regressed to a 9 month old. Momma will take care of your every need, she will bathe you, feed you, clothe you, read you bed time stories, cuddle you, change your nappies, love you unconditionally.

                During this period, you are not allowed to walk, talk (9 month olds can’t do either), you communicate by using your hands and either crying or babbling. Just like a little baby. You are allowed to crawl around the house, but you are to use your nappies for their true intended purpose. No phones or computers and no tv except early learning tv like sesame street and in the night garden. Early bed times and day time naps. Me feeding you with a spoon, having all your drinks in baby bottles. Millions of cuddles on the sofa.

 Weeks 3 & 4

                My little man is now a proper handful as a 2 year old: You can toddle around the house and can use big words, but you still need momma for cuddles and everything else in weeks 1 & 2. You’re still not able to use the toilet, you can watch a few more interesting things on tv and you can play with lego and cars and colour with crayons. Your food is a less babyish, and you love food time and getting all messy with eating with your hands. You need to ask momma for everything you need, even though you can reach the counter top, cookies and treats are off limits without asking. Time out on the naughty step if you get caught doing something momma has said you can’t.

 Weeks 5 & 6

                Oh my, what a cute little 3 year old you are. So independent, but so naughty, trying to do things yourself and getting into all kinds of scrapes. Momma still has to tie your shoe laces and get you dressed and you still have problems with the potty, so momma is keeping you in nappies for a little while longer. But you’re old enough now to let momma know when you need to go poopy. Where she can undo your nappy and sit you on the big boy potty and wipe your cute little bottom after, and put you in a fresh nappy. You’ll be in a lot of trouble if you forget to tell momma you need to go number two and momma will smack that poopy bottom and make you sit in a dirty nappy to remind you what a dirty boy you are. We can now watch Disney cartons together and you’re learning your abc’s and numbers so well. You still need nap times, and momma needs to still take you for a bath, but can leave you to play with your bath time toys.

 Weeks 7 & 8

                 6 months older and such a handful for this momma. You’re getting much better at potty time, so momma has decided to let you wear pull ups. You need to tell momma when you need to go potty and she will pull your trousers and pull ups down and sit you on the big plastic potty. Little boys who are potty training still need nappies at night and you’ll be wrapped up tightly in a big fluffy nappy after bath time every night. Of course I’m sure you’ll forget about needing to go potty which is why momma will constantly ask you if you need to go, however if you say no and then wet your pull ups, you can expect momma to pull those down and put you over her knee for a well earned bare botty spanking. Momma is going to be strict with you and any rule breaking will result in a red bottom and corner time. But now you’re older you can help momma bake cookies and cakes and she’ll let you lick the spoon. Lots of cuddles with my little man and you can help momma around the house. You’ll look so cute in just your Spider man pullups and dinosaur t-shirts. It makes momma’s job of checking you for wetness so much easier

 Weeks 9 & 10

                Oh my you’ve grown up and momma is getting you ready to go “back to school” You’re nearly fully potty trained with only the occasional wetting accident. So momma has gone out and bought you some proper big boy briefs. They have lots of cool designs on them. Spiderman obviously, I’ve got several pairs of them, some other marvel prints and some basic plain colours so you can feel like a big boy when we go out. Momma is still going to ask you if you need the potty, especially if she sees you doing your little potty dance. As you’re bigger now, you have lots more responsibilities, you are big enough to put away your toys after play time is over, you can read books by yourself. You help momma clean up the house and do the laundry. And you can help her big person cooking. We have put the big plastic potty away in the cupboard and now you’re using the big boy toilet all by yourself and wiping our bottom properly after poopies. Momma is so proud of your journey to being a proper little man, but understands you still get into mischief. You sometimes still have little wet accidents in your big boy pants and that means momma will turn that cute little bottom of your red and put you back in a nappy for the rest of the day as punishment. You can go the whole night without wetting your night time nappy, but momma knows you sleep more soundly having one on, so she still gets you properly wrapped up for bed every night.

So that’s it my love. I need you to be better, to get you’re head in the correct space you can be a proper functioning adult. We’re going to have so much fun over the next 10 weeks. I’ll take you to the park, we’ll go for picnics and walk the dog and feed the ducks. You’ll get an allowance to spend on sweeties at the shops if you’ve been a good boy. You’ll get to go shopping with momma and she’ll make sure your bottom is checked when we’re out for wetness.

 Now the bad news. You’re not allowed any alcohol for the whole 10 weeks. You have to do everything momma says without questions. Any breaking of my rules will result in you getting a proper hard bare bottom spanking. You are never allow to touch your nappy at any time or play with what is in it 😊 Which brings me to “Mommas needs” Obviously momma has needs, that only a grown up can provide, seeing you naked 4 or 5 times a day as I change your nappy, or bathe you, or even when I turn that tight little butt of yours over my knee will inevitably make momma hot in all kinds of places. Therefore momma is going to need you to fix this her whenever she needs to satisfy her needs. I will take you out of your nappy and you will be allowed to be a proper man, then straight after we’ll go back to our plan.

 If you agree to this plan, and giving me full responsibility for you over the next 10 weeks, just send me a text with a “Baby emoji” and the words “I’m ready momma”

Love you so much baby boy.

 Your darling wife.

 He let this sink in for a moment, and an emotional wave came over him. He felt so loved in that very moment that he started to cry, all the stress that had built up was too much for him. With tears in his eyes he reached for his phone and sent the message his wife needed to see.

 His phone immediately buzzed back with a heart emoji and 10 seconds later buzzed back again with the following message:

 “Finally and you’re not going to like this one little bit. When I get home, I want you standing in the corner in just your underwear. I want you to get a high backed chair from the dining room and place it in the middle of the lounge. You will also need to get the paddle, the hairbrush and the cane from under the bed. I know you have constantly lied to me about the hours you are doing and I know you’ve been going back into work when you said you are tucked up in bed. So I’m going to really punish you for this behaviour so you remember what happens to naughty boys who lie to me. This is not going to be a normal spanking where I turn your bottom red and then we make love afterwards. I’m going to teach you a lesson through your bottom that you will hopefully remember. If you end up sobbing and begging me to stop then I know its working, but only I will decide when the punishment is over. You will be so thankful to be put back into nappies tonight to protect a very sore bottom when you sit down over the next few days. I’m sorry baby, but I have to show you that lies and sneaking around are not good for our relationship and I’m only doing this for your own good. Love you, see you in 30 minutes. Don’t disobey me or it will 10 times worse.

[rosereview]

Top 11 Albums of 2020

Much like my top EPs of 2020, this consists of all the albums that came out in 2020 that I really enjoyed. I just did a small description of my favourite things about these albums, and for all of them, I highly recommend them. 

11. Weird! by Yungblud

This one was a very big surprise for me because I generally don’t like the type of music Yungblud creates (a more punk/pop rock-ish sound), but many of the songs on this album made me fall in love with it. Yungblud knows how to use his voice to inflict raw emotion that gave me goosebumps particularly in his song “mars,” “teresa,” “love song,” “it’s quiet in beverly hills,” and “god save me, but don’t drown me out.” These are for sure my favourite songs on the album. He has such an interesting voice and even my least favourite songs, I can still listen to and enjoy because they evoke other types of emotions that really resonate with me. 

10. Rare by Selena Gomez

Next we have Selena Gomez’s new album after a five year hiatus, which now feels like it came out a million years ago, but it was just last January (a little more than a year ago). I also had quite a few songs that I liked on this album and the whole theme of mental health and finding yourself I really enjoyed. Not all of the songs were my favourite which is why it’s lower on my list, but many of the songs also grew on me more as time went on. Almost all of them are also really catchy so I found myself singing them in my head at random times, which also made me realize the genius of some of these songs.

9. Leave It Beautiful by Astrid S

Like Selena Gomez’s album, this new one by Astrid S had a lot of good singles that I fell in love with even before the album came out. But when the album came out, I wasn’t as impressed with the rest of the songs, even though some have really grown on me with time. I think I was just wishing for some more ballads and stripped down songs like from her Down Low EP. But besides that, this is Astrid S’ debut full length album, which in itself is really exciting since I’d been waiting for this forever. 

8. These Two Windows by Alec Benjamin

Next is Alec Benjamin’s new album, which definitely has some songs that make me pause and give me goosebumps. I really liked how on this new project, Alec Benjamin had some more interesting and different production styles in the songs, so they weren’t all the same, or very similar, styles like in his last album. By that I mean that he used his voice in different ways and there were cool sound effects in the background of the songs that added something extra to them. Although that being said, I think I have to say that the last album had superior storytelling skills than this one, and even though I really did like the lyrics in these songs, in the last album I felt like there was more of a variety of topics and stories that I missed in this album. 

7. Wonder by Shawn Mendes

And finally Shawn Mendes came out with a new album this year too, which was really exciting. I overall thought that this album was really good because it was so different from his older stuff. I know that some fans didn’t like this album for that reason, but for me I thought it just made it better. Shawn Mendes is still growing as an artist and I liked seeing him try out different styles of songs that he wouldn’t normally do in his other albums. When “Wonder,” the single, first came out I was sold on this album, and I liked how he did have a theme of wonderland and love and wonders about life throughout the album. It made it feel like a very complete project. (I also loved how there was a song called “Dreams” on this album and Camila Cabello also had a song called “Dream of You” on hers!)

6. Loves Goes by Sam Smith

Sam Smith’s new album was also long awaited, especially when I thought it was coming out in the first half of 2020 instead of the last half. But I can’t say that the wait wasn’t worth it. I was worried that Sam Smith was going to do a whole pop album, but instead I was very happy when they came out with many songs that are still slower ballad heart-wrenching pieces. Most of the songs I really loved, and I also kind of wished that they had an album with none of the bonus tracks from their original album since I felt that just the new songs made it feel more complete, if that makes sense. But even with the old songs that aren’t really my favourites still there, the new songs definitely make up for it.

5. Confetti by Little Mix

Little Mix’s new album is absolutely stellar. I loved so many of the songs on this album and I thought it was all done really well. They were all really fun and make you want to dance and sing along, while still being original and different from their older projects (although some songs take inspiration from older ones which I also liked). They did release a lot of the songs before the album even came out, and I got a little nervous because when that happens, I usually like the singles more than the other songs on the album, but that didn’t happen here. I loved the non-singles probably more than the singles, which I didn’t think possible. They also played around with different production sounds in this project, which I also thought was a very smart idea, and this album just makes me love Little Mix more and more.

4. Only Child by Sasha Sloan

Also a very anticipated release, I was almost in tears when Sasha Sloan said she was finally releasing his debut album this year. I have been obsessed with her EPs for a long time and now having a full length project is such a treat and she definitely did not disappoint. All of these songs on the album are amazing and so many of them are so relatable it almost scares me. I really don’t think there is a song on this album that I truly dislike, and every time I re-listen to the songs, I find a new love and appreciation for them. These songs just feel so personal like a diary entry, which also makes them feel so powerful, and even though Sasha Sloan is known for being a sad girl, this album also has a lot of happy songs when talking about love that made me smile. 

3. Heartbreak Weather by Niall Horan

I was very surprised with myself for putting this album in the top three, but I really have to say that I love it so much. I was not even expecting to have a Niall Horan album on this list, but this album took me by surprise in all of the best ways possible. This is the type of album you can just continuously listen to on repeat because all of the songs are different and so good that you just never get sick of them. I love singing along to all of them and I’m obsessed with almost every single song on the album (which usually doesn’t happen with long projects like this one). 

2. Folklore & Evermore by Taylor Swift

I put these two together because they do feel like one project and I needed to talk about them as one. First off, I’m just obsessed with the lyrics, the production, Taylor Swift’s voice… you name it, I love it. These albums are just perfection in every way, I can’t find any bad things to say about them. Also the fact that we were gifted with TWO albums instead of one is amazing, and the fact that they have different stories in them with literal characters is also superb. I don’t think there is anything negative or something I don’t like about these and I feel like you can just look at anything a Swifty says to know what I like about these albums. 

1. Manic by Halsey

And finally my favourite album of the year, and probably of all time, is Halsey’s Manic, which makes me smile just thinking about it. This was the exact project I dreamed of getting from Halsey and she delivered in every possible way. I loved all the different styles of music in here and every lyric that she wrote. Listening to the album all the way through on repeat makes me so happy that I can’t ever turn off the music until it’s run through all the way. And just having been on this journey with her for this long, makes it so much more special because you understand all of the little meanings in the lyrics and the story that she’s telling. This is definitely my favourite album from her and my favourite album ever!

And that concludes my top favourite albums of 2020, and I also have a top favourite list of EPs if anyone’s curious. 

Until next time!

~Rose Reviews

[wellbafineline]

can you write a blurb where the reader realizes that she doesn’t really have any true friends? they used to be good friends but ever since she started dating Harry, they start to use her? can you add a part where H comforts her

A/N - tysm for the request!! sorry, it took me like a year to write idk if this is any good (its also not edited) I've never written any kind of sad or angst-y things but i hope you enjoy anyway <3

also tried a new style for this one n wrote it in 3rd person so lmk which you prefer

 && last note wanted to say thank you for all the love on my first 2 requests i didn't even expect them to get 20 notes ty!!

She’d been dating Harry for around 8 months, at first, they’d agreed to keep their relationship quiet, for both of their benefits, after all, he was Harry Styles and she was just normal.

 Around 2 months ago they’d started to tell their friends and family about their relationship, and of course the first people she'd wanted to tell were her two best friends, they were her two closest friends, having met during lectures during first year and being inseparable since. 

Over the past two months, she’d started to notice them changing, not towards each other but towards her, at first, it was subtle they would order more drinks and wait till she offered to close the tab or would only offer to hang out when they wanted to go to the fancy new bar in London.

 At first she gave them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they were just short on cash or she was reading too much into things? But as she was laying in bed waiting for Harry to come home from his ‘lads night’ with his Holmes-Chapel friends who were in London for the weekend she thought to check their group text thread where the realisation hit her that the only time they talked now was to ask to go out or to hangout nat Harry's house.

It felt like a tonne of bricks hitting her chest and the tears in her eyes wouldn't stop, until she heard the unmistakable clattering of a slightly tips Harry making his way to his bedroom, she quickly attempted to wipe her eyes, hoping that he would be too tipsy to notice and just crash next to her. But of course, he was Harry, and he loved her so of course, he noticed.

‘M’ home, babe - babes, what's up, why are we cryin’” He questioned rushing over to her, almost tripping over his own feet in the process. He sat upon his side of the bed pulling her next to him throwing an arm around her shoulders, and wiped the remaining tears from her face. 

“M-my friends, don't think we're friends anymore, only want to see me when they're getting something out of it, just can't take it anymore, want some who want to be my friends not harry styles girlfriends friends” she sniffled into his side as his arm tightened around her in an attempt to comfort her. 

“M’ sorry love, deserve better than shitty leeches, love you” he murmured into her hair “c’mon let it out, feel better after a cry,” She snuggles further into his side now wetting the side of his t-shirt with the tears.

“An’ you're starting your job in couple of weeks, gonna meet amazing people who won't know you any different to how you're now, will want you for you.” 

‘Love you so much, H, thank you, an’ sorry about your t-shirt, know you like this one.”

“Fuck the t-shirt love can wet a million more if you’re okay, I love you more, now try to sleep, all this crying cant be good for your head, both our heads’ll be banging tomorrow.” 

He kisses the top of her head as he reaches over to turn off her lamp and re-adjusts them to lay down more comfortably.

[thesassenachswiftie]

Lover - Chapter 13: “Soon You’ll Get Better”

Read on AO3

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11 // Chapter 12

Summary: Claire and Jo go Christmas shopping; Claire gets a call at work that Lamb’s in the hospital in Boston where she fears she will need to spend the holidays without Jamie. In short: angst, but make it festive.

" This won't go back to normal, if it ever was It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because 'Cause I have to

Ooh-ah, you'll get better..."

CW: cancer, hospitals, illness of a loved one,

Notes: First of all, if you’re still here, thank you for reading, and thank you for bearing with me as I took a small hiatus. Hopefully I will be getting back to a more regular posting schedule, but work is really draining right now and it’s hard to find enough hours in the day to do everything. 

As you know, each Chapter of this fic is based off a Taylor Swift song by the same name. This one was particularly difficult to write/approach because I actually haven’t listened to this song in over a year. In early Summer 2019, a tumor was found on my grandfather’s brain. This was also the summer I discovered Outlander, and the summer Taylor Swift released Lover. The day after Lover came out, I broke down sobbing in my apartment listening to this song and thinking about my grandfather, knowing his condition was worsening. That night, I recieved the call that my grandfather had passed. He was the kindest, purest soul and I write this chapter in part as a tribute to him. Many of the experiences Claire and Lamb share are based on my own experiences with my grandpa that summer, and this version of Lamb is very much based on my Grandpa Jim. 

That being said, you may want to grab a box of tissues before reading, but hopefully not all your tears will be sad. I’m hoping to post again before Chistmas, but in case I don’t Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays--and Happy Hanukkah to any Jewish readers I may have--here is a Hanukkah present for you!

 Chapter 13: “Soon You’ll Get Better”  

         “All I want for Christmas is yooouuuuu” the sounds of Mariah Carey rang out throughout the small boutique gift shop in the heart of the village of Northport.

           “Good God, we’re only a week into December and I swear I’ve already heard this song three hundred times. I’m not exaggerating either. Two hundred and eight-four at the very least.” Jo scoffed exasperatedly.

           “Are you complaining?” Claire asked in reply. “It’s a great song--a classic really.”

           “Do you know how many incredible, amazing, beautiful, jolly Christmas songs there are in existence?” Jo was gearing up for one of their famous rants, “Yet, the radio stations only ever play the same eighteen songs, I swear!”

           “It must be more than eighteen.”

           “Fine. Twenty. Take this song for instance: Ingrid Michaelson has the most hauntingly beautiful cover of it--do you ever hear it? No! You only ever hear Mariah!”

           “I, for one, like Mariah!” Claire interjected, playfully defensive.

           “Who doesn’t? But she’s not the only powerhouse female vocalist out there! I’d just like to see a little diversity in my holiday music, is that so much to ask?”

           Claire giggled. Her best friend always had an opinion on everything and she loved them all the more for it. “Do you think Jenny would like this candle?” Claire unscrewed the lid a locally-made jar candle, taking a sniff before placing it under Jo’s nose. It smelled like Lavender and Sage with just a hint of Eucalyptus.

           “Does Jenny keep a lot of candles around, with all those children?” Jo chuckled back. “It does smell nice though.” Jo had only met Jenny a couple times when visiting Claire, but they had a knack for reading people and Claire was glad to have them along as a shopping partner.

           “I suppose candles aren’t really her thing. Jenny seems very practical, but I don’t know what she would need that she doesn’t already have, and Jamie’s been no help!”

           “I think you’re on the right track with the self-care/relaxation vibe, but maybe not something the children can use to burn the house down. What about an artisanal lotion set?” Jo inquired, gesturing at a nearby display.

           “Oh that might work!” Claire took a squirt from the bottle labeled ‘tester’ inhaling deeply as she rubbed it between her palms. “Ooo that’s nice, I would appreciate this if I were a hardworking mother.”

           “If things keep going the way they are with your man, LJ, you might just be before you know it” Jo made a lewd gesture with their hands, raising their eyebrows to make it clear exactly what they were implying.

           “Jo! You’re terrible” Claire shrieked, smacking her friend playfully on the arm. Besides, not much of that happening these days if you haven’t noticed, Jamie is literally across the ocean.”

           “Well, at least you can’t get knocked up from phone sex,” Jo replied. “What are you getting him anyway? I’m thinking something lacy and strappy, with little bows on it of course, to be festive. There’s a place down the street that might have something like that.”

           “Hmm” Claire exhaled. “We’ll see.” Claire knew lingerie was definitely going to be part of Jamie’s Christmas gift, one she would be most excited for him to unwrap. God, she missed him. It had been over a month and they were settling into a routine, video chatting every night, sweet texts back and forth throughout the day, the occasional phone sex when they were both sick with desire for one other--but nothing was the same as the feel of their bodies pressed against each other in the heat of the moment, chasing each other’s climax. Claire couldn’t wait to be reunited with him in every way.

           It was two days before Christmas break, only a few days left until Claire would find freedom for the next ten days and, most of all--the comfort of Jamie’s arms. Claire was sitting in her school nurse’s office, inhaling deeply during the first quiet moments she’d had all week. There was an uptick of student visits in the past couple weeks--a few were legitimate concerns tied to cold and flu season: students whose parents sent them to school when they weren’t quite well enough, overachievers who wanted to maintain their perfect attendance dragging themselves to school despite their bodies protestations. Most of her patients however, were suffering from something much more insidious: the eagerness to start their winter break early by skipping their classes. This time of year the air of the school felt different, students and teachers alike were burnt out, apathetic, and ready for a break. This attitude in the students fed into the teachers’ attitudes--overworked with the end of the marking period, trying to squeeze in Christmas shopping and decorating between grading. Claire did not envy Jo nor any of the other teachers during this time, but their exhaustion was so palpable in the air of the school that she was starting to feel it too. By tomorrow, most teachers would be shutting their doors and playing a holiday film, giving up on instruction all together--hopefully that would make for a quiet day for Claire. Really, if she could just get through the rest of the day it would be smooth sailing until Christmas--until Jamie.

           Her silent musings were broken by the blaring sound of her office phone. She was expecting a teacher, calling to send a student down, but instead it was the school clerk, Glenda. “Hi Nurse Beauchamp, we have an outside call for you, it seems like it may be a personal call so if there’s any students with you we can send someone down to watch them if you’d like to take it privately here in the office.”

           Claire's heart sank to her stomach. What could it be? She took a deep breath and swallowed to brace herself before replying “last student just left.”

           “Alright, I’ll transfer you now.” The click of the call transferring sounded through the phone.

           “Hello, this is Miss Beauchamp”

           “Hello Miss Beauchamp, I’m Tammy, a nurse at Mass General we’re calling because you’re listed as the emergency contact for Quentin Beauchamp” a nasally voice croaked through the phone speaker--the voice was impersonal like that of a cashier saying “have a nice day” for the thousandth time, not fitting of a potential harbinger of death.

           “Yes…” Claire replied, nervously, questioningly.

           “Mr. Lambert was admitted this morning after showing signs of cognitive distress. An initial cat scan shows a mass on his brain. He’s currently undergoing testing to see if it’s cancerous.”

           Claire’s lungs felt like they were about to collapse. Lamb had been diagnosed with prostate cancer several years ago, but had been able to live with it through treatment. Claire also knew that cancer was insidious and could spread throughout the body rapidly and without warning. She knew it was very likely that the mass was cancer. She tried to find her medical professional voice, but a diagnosis was different when it was someone you loved. Instead, she croaked out, “when will you know?”

           “We should have the results by tomorrow. He’ll stay here overnight for monitoring and we’ll decide whether to admit him long term from there.”

           “I’m on Long Island, should I drive up?”

           “I’m afraid it’s too soon to tell, it could be nothing, but--” Claire cut her off, knowing exactly how bad it could be.

           “I understand. I’ll drive up this evening.”

           “Alright, he should be back in his room by then, he’s out getting his tests done now. It’s room 713 when you get here.” Claire wrote the number on a bright blue sticky note on her desk as the nurse spoke. “Have a nice day Ms. Beauchamp”

           “Hmm” was all she could reply, as if she could possibly have a nice day. She hung up the phone, and finally let the deluge of tears she’d been holding back free.

She allowed herself to cry for a few minutes to get it out, but she knew she had to get to Boston as soon as possible. She picked up the phone again and dialed the main office.

“Hi Glenda, it’s Claire. I need to take the rest of the day off--I have to go to Boston, my uncle…” she couldn’t say it out loud for fear of unleashing the tears again “Is Principal Gowan there, I need to let him know.”

“Oh Nurse Beauchamp, I’m so sorry to hear that, let me know if you need anything. Mr. Gowan’s in his office, I’ll transfer you to him now, if he doesn’t answer just pack up your things and go, I’ll take care of it”

“Thanks Glenda, I really appreciate it”

----------

           After getting the ok from her kind and understanding principal, Claire rushed back to Jamie’s apartment, hastily packed a bag (likely forgetting several things), informed Jenny where she was going--which was met with sympathy and genuine concern--and hopped back in the car for the journey to Boston. She entered the hospital doors several hours later, the buttons of her coat were tangled in her hair as she rushed, breathless, to the front desk to receive her visitor’s pass.

           When she arrived at Lamb’s room, he was asleep. She didn’t want to wake him, but she gave his hand a reassuring squeeze to let him know she was there before settling into the armchair beside him to await his awakening. He looked so frail and small in the hospital bed, not at all like the strong, spirited man who had raised her. He had left the television on--some sports channel was playing a highlight reel of various golfing moments. No wonder Lamb fell asleep. Claire was staring at the screen, but her thoughts were elsewhere: worried about Lamb, wondering if she’d remember everything when she hastily packed, wondering what the future held. Would she have to spend Christmas in this hospital room? A golf ball soared across the Scottish Highlands on the screen. Jamie. Jamie was coming home Christmas Eve, she was supposed to pick him up from the airport, supposed to spend her holiday break with him, experience her first Hogmanay with the Murray family, be surrounded by love and laughter and family. Lamb was supposed to be fine, he was supposed to take the train down, spend Christmas with them. Every plan they had made was shattered into a million pieces. Would she even be able to see Jamie? She thought about the presents she’d bought for him, not yet wrapped, piled in the closet but definitely not hidden, especially considering it was his apartment. Of course he’d understand--she could tell him where they were, but the magic of unwrapping would be lost, it would feel entirely unsentimental. It was bad enough that she felt her gifts weren’t sentimental enough--what could she possibly get him to show how special he was to her? How could she communicate that with an object? If she were a painter she would paint him a painting, if she were a songwriter she would write him a song, but she was simply Claire, and practical gifts were all she knew. She had purchased a cozy blue sweater to match his eyes and keep him warm in the brisk London winters, a cool multi-tool the size of a credit card that would fit in his wallet and help him solve a variety of problems, a protective case for his phone, and a box of artisanal beef jerky.  She had also procured a complicated piece of lingerie with a big red bow across the chest for him to unwrap the night of Christmas, which she knew he would enjoy. Everything was thoughtful enough and mostly practical, but she longed to be able to give him something truly special--a grand gesture to match her feelings for him. Claire glanced back at her uncle and immediately felt guilty being so selfish. I hate to make this all about me. Lamb always had a knack for helping her realize what was important when life’s situations overwhelmed her. She needed him for perspective, but how could she talk to him about this? How could she tell him how she felt? She knew it was wrong, but she was mad at him for getting sick so close to Christmas. Who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there’s no you? The tears were welling up in her eyes as she watched her most beloved uncle sleep--hooked up to machines, pale and listless in the hospital bed.

           Claire slipped into the adjoining bathroom to try to compose herself--she didn’t want her uncle to wake up and see her upset, she knew he would try to comfort her, to be the rock he always had been for her. She was here to be his rock this time, she needed to stay strong for him. She looked at herself in the mirror, telling herself it was going to be ok--her uncle was strong and he’d been fighting a long time--he’d continue to fight. Soon you’ll get better. She had to convince herself it was true, pretend it wasn’t real, it wasn’t so bad. She knew it was a delusion, she could see it all over her glass face when she looked in the mirror. She was genuinely afraid that this could be when she lost him, if not physically right away, he could be lost mentally. She’d been hoping for years he would get better, but now it seemed he’d taken a turn for the worse. She took a few deep breaths and offered up a prayer. She wasn’t usually religious, but they say desperate people find faith, so she decided it was time to try. God? Jesus? Whoever is up there. I know I don’t much deserve anything from you, I’m not sure I’m exactly on good terms with you, but I’m inclined to believe you care and you are good. Besides, I’m not really asking anything for myself, not really. I just pray my Uncle is ok, I pray he gets better. He has to. Please don’t take his brilliant mind away from him. Please let him be ok. Please, I’ll be good, I’ll do whatever it takes to help him. Just please, please, don’t take him away from me. I need him. Please let him get better. Please let him get better. Claire continued to repeat the words like a mantra as she returned to her bedside chair. She stared at the collection of orange bottles on the tray table. Please let them help him get better. Please let him get better. Please, please, please let him get better.

           Claire had no idea how long she sat there, repeating those words to herself, but her silent appeal was interrupted when a nurse entered the room to check her uncle’s vitals.

           “Hi, I’m Brenda, I’ll be the nurse on duty tonight.” Brenda erased a name on a small whiteboard in front of the room and replaced it with her own.

           “I’m Claire, I’m his niece.”

           Brenda had made her way over to the other side of the bed and was checking the monitors beside the bed, making notes on the chart in her hand. “I hate waking them up, but I’m going to have to.” Claire was glad that she was much kinder than the nurse she had spoken with on the phone earlier—had that really been earlier? It seemed much longer since that phone call. “Excuse me, Quentin? Sir?” Brenda gently nudged his arm to awaken him. Lamb’s eyes fluttered open and he looked disoriented, Claire watched him carefully hoping that his disorientation was solely from being awoken mid-sleep and not from any neurological damage.

           “Hi Uncle Lamb” Claire stammered, hoping she sounded cheerful anyway.

           “Claire! My girl! You came all the way to see your old uncle!”

           “Of course I did! How are you?” she replied warmly.

           “Oh, I’m fine, they’re taking good care of me here.” Lamb’s voice sounded genuinely content and Claire felt comforted for the first time since the hospital had called her earlier that day.

           “Hello sir, my name’s Brenda, I’ll be your nurse tonight. I just need to ask you a few questions and check your vitals.”

           “What is your name?”

           “Quentin Lambert Beauchamp”

           “Good. When is your birthday?

           “March 23th, 1939”

           “Good, and who is the president?”

           “Well, unfortunately…” both Claire and Brenda giggled at how Lamb began his sentence. Claire was well aware of Lamb’s opinions of the current president of the United States, and was glad to see he hadn’t lost his sly sense of humor or his disdain for the man.  She was also glad he knew who the president was, hopefully his mental capacities were more promising than the worst-case-scenario her mind was conjuring.

----------

           Claire stayed by her uncle’s side for the rest of the night, only leaving the room twice, once to find something to eat from a vending machine, and once for her nightly call to Jamie. She allowed herself to break down when talking to Jamie, sobbing over the phone. Jamie did his best to comfort her through the speaker, desperately wishing he could be there for her in person. Claire wished the same, longing to curl up in his strong embrace, and bury her swollen face in his chest. She couldn’t bring up the fact that she might have to spend Christmas in Boston. She was enough of a mess without facing the reality that they wouldn’t see each other, and when Jamie promised they’d see each other soon at the end of their call, Claire hung up quickly as another wave of emotion overtook her and she buried her face in her hands to cry some more.

           The next morning, the doctor came in with Lamb’s results. Claire grasped Lamb’s hand, unsure of who was holding onto whom for comfort as the doctor explained that the mass on Lamb’s brain was in fact cancerous, but it was still relatively small and had been caught early. He explained that they could operate on it and remove it, however there was no guarantee that it wouldn’t come back or that they’d be able to get it all out. It was moments like these where Claire desperately wished she was already a surgeon, that she could feel in control of the outcome--though could she operate on her own uncle? Would she be able to hold her hand steady enough to do a good job? No, perhaps it was best left to the veteran surgeons in Boston.

           After discussing all the details and options with the doctor’s, Lamb decided to go through with the surgery. It was scheduled for the day after Christmas and Claire resigned herself to the sobering fact that she’d be spending the holidays in the hospital. As the florescent hospital lights lit the room with an unnatural glow, Claire couldn’t tell him she was scared. She had to stay strong, she had to keep it together and remain positive and supportive.

           ----------

           Claire spent the next few days devoted to her uncle, rarely leaving his bedside. Lamb had forced her to spend the nights at his apartment, which was probably for the best. She wasn’t sleeping well to begin with and the recliner at the hospital was only making matters worse. Claire was present and doting on him from morning to night though, helping her uncle order his meals, assisting him when he needed to use the restroom, adding and removing pillows and blankets as needed, or anything else he needed or wanted. Lamb had been moved to the cancer floor, and the window of his new room had a nice view of the Boston skyline. Lamb was making the best of a bad deal, he bragged about his ‘luxury accommodations’, he cracked jokes often, he liked the nicer nurses, he ordered extra dessert with all his meals and was in generally pleasant spirits. Claire could see the cracks in his cognition though. Sometimes he would change the topic he was discussing mid-sentence, and he couldn’t seem to keep time straight. Whenever anyone would mention Christmas, he would act surprised to know that it was coming up, and at one point he hinted at Claire that she might just get those roller skates she wanted for Christmas, a gift she had not asked for since she was eleven years old. He didn’t seem to know what year it was or how old Claire was. He did know who Claire was though, and for that she was thankful. He also knew who the president was whenever the nurses asked, always beginning his answer with a short preamble to make known his disdain.

Before they knew it, it was Christmas Eve and Claire couldn’t hide the sadness she felt on her face. She was glad to spend the evening with Lamb, but she had been looking forward to her first big family Christmas. She had filled in Jamie about Lamb’s condition and her subsequent stay in Boston over the course of their phone calls that week. She had also describe the Christmas gifts she had purchased for the Murrays, Jo, and Lamb, so Jamie would know the rest were for him. Jamie had agreed to put the Murrays gifts in gift bags and distribute them for her. They were meant to exchange family gifts that evening, the morning being reserved for Santa, and Claire was heartbroken to be missing out. In a matter of hours, and for the first time in two months, her and Jamie would be on the same continent, yet they wouldn’t be able to see each other. There was no way Claire could get into the Christmas spirit under these conditions. The hospital, despite being modestly decorated, was not the most festive atmosphere. Even a troop of Girl Scouts caroling their way through the hospital halls did nothing to assuage the weight of losing everything Claire had been looking forward to for the past two months.

           “What’s a matter, my dear?” Lamb asked, showing genuine concern for his niece.

           “It’s nothing, I’m fine, I promise, I’m just wishing things were different today.”

           “Why today? Is it something special? I can’t seem to remember.”

           “It’s Christmas Eve. You were supposed to come to Long Island and meet Jamie. We were going to spend the holiday with his family.”

           “Yes, I remember, that’s today? Oh dear, I haven’t gotten your gift yet I’m afraid.”

           “That’s fine, Lamb, I’m afraid I left your gift at home, so we’ll have to do that part later. We can take a raincheck on gift exchanging. I was just really looking forward to you getting to know Jamie.”

           “I’m sure I’ll meet the lad soon; he seems really special to you.”

           “He is; I know you’ll like him.”

           “I already do.” He patted the top of her hand and turned his attention back to the sitcom on the television, providing humorous commentary to try to cheer Claire up.

----------

It was late Christmas morning. Uncle Lamb was napping again and Claire had switched the television to the Hallmark Channel--usually her guilty pleasure this season, today it was simply reminding her of how her Christmas was proving to be less than magical. For her there would be no Christmas kisses, no magical snowfall, no saving the small town family business or learning to love Christmas again. All that awaited her this Christmas were fluorescent lights, beeping monitors, and nurses visiting every 6 hours to check her uncle’s vitals. This Christmas would be decidedly the most un-magical she had ever experienced. She had had her share of unconventional Christmases in the past, in fact, she never really was a Christmas person, but it had started to feel special to her when she was living in New York. This Christmas though--this was one she was looking forward to more than ever before. Claire spent most of the morning crying, grieving over all she was missing. She should have spent the morning curled up in Jamie’s arms, watching the children open presents. She could picture the Murray’s living room, trashed with colorful wrapping paper from end to end, each child in their own private world fascinated by their latest favorite toy, Jenny and Ian beaming through tired eyes.

Claire was surprised Jamie hadn’t called her to fill her in on the details yet. He had called yesterday when his plane arrived--groggy and jet-lagged, his communication skills were not the most eloquent, but he tried his best to make her feel better. She hadn’t heard from him at all this morning though, not even a Merry Christmas text. Surely the jet lag would have woken him up as early as the children, and they must have been done opening presents by now. Claire tried to rationalize that Jamie was just spending time with his family, but she couldn’t help feeling hurt and ignored. She thought she was important enough to him that he could take a moment away from his family to at least text her, or to find some way to make her feel included from afar. Had his feelings changed in their months apart? Did coming home to a messy apartment turn him off? Did she find his Christmas gifts and come to think she didn’t care enough to get him something more thoughtful? She thought about calling him, but a mixture of pride and fear kept her from acting first, not to mention she couldn’t stop crying over these sappy Christmas movies.

Suddenly, a voice from the doorway rang through the room, “Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!” Claire looked up in confusion, momentarily unable to comprehend her surroundings and the disruption that had just entered them. Santa? No. The tall figure filling the door frame was dressed like Santa, beard and all, but the unmistakable Scottish burr gave away his true identity. If Claire hadn’t already been crying, she certainly was now. Jamie was standing in the doorway, dressed in a Santa suit, carrying a large, blue IKEA bag overflowing with wrapped presents and what appeared to be Christmas decorations.

“What?” Claire could hardly believe he was there, she rose from the chair and the couple met in the middle of the room for a hearty embrace. Claire buried her face in the soft, fluffy suit covering Jamie’s chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Perhaps the setting wasn’t a snow covered street in a small town, but this was her own Hallmark movie moment--and to be honest, those Hallmark guys had nothing on James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser. Jamie held her close, and tight, planting kisses in her curls and whispering softly to her.

“I’m here, mo nighean donn.” He caressed her shoulders with his thumbs, not releasing his embrace in the slightest, breathing in her scent, trying to absorb her fears and pain.

All of the commotion had awoken Uncle Lamb and after witnessing the couples’ embrace for longer than was comfortable, Lamb loudly cleared his throat to remind them of his presence in the room.

“Uncle Lamb!” Claire unfolded herself from Jamie’s embrace, keeping one arm around his back. Jamie sheepishly pulled the fake beard down around his neck to reveal his face and removed his Santa hat, clutching it tightly in the palm that wasn’t holding Claire. “This is Jamie, my Jamie. Jamie, this is my Uncle Lamb.”

“Well, I’m certainly glad it’s not Santa Claus, or we’d have a lot of explaining to do to the lad!” Lamb chuckled back.

“A pleasure to finally meet you, sir.” Jamie reluctantly released Claire from his grasp to step beside the bed, extending a firm but gentle hand to Lamb. “I’m sorry it’s not under better circumstances.”

“Pleased to meet you as well, lad” Lamb replied, patting Jamie’s hand with his before releasing their handshake. “And don’t you worry about me, I have the best nurse there is taking care of me.” Two sets of proudly smiling eyes met Claire across the room.

“Oh I dinna doubt it for a second. Your niece is a rare woman.”

“Glad to see we’re in agreement. Now what’s all that?” Lamb gestured towards the large tote discarded near Claire’s feet.

“Aye, I thought I’d bring you two a bit o’ holiday cheer.” Jamie pulled a large cardboard box from the bag and extracted a small tabletop Christmas tree from it, unfurling each branch carefully and placing it on the countertop across the room, plugging it in to reveal fiber optic lights changing colors dreamily. “I usually insist on my Christmas trees being more, well, alive, but under the circumstances this’ll have tae do.” Jamie and Claire spent the next half hour or so festooning the room in garlands and placing tiny ornaments on the small tree. Claire tried to ignore that more than half of the bag was filled with brightly wrapped gifts, not sure whether she was hoping they were all for her, or hoping that they weren’t. After all, she didn’t have anything to give him and she didn’t know if he had looked through his gifts yet nor if he had appreciated them.

While they decorated, Jamie filled Claire and Lamb in on the events of the last few days. Jamie had called Jenny to tell her not to bother picking him up from the airport. He had planned on renting a car there and driving straight to Boston. Claire could hear Jenny’s voice loud and clear through Jamie’s imitation “ya clotheid! Have ya gone daft? Yer barely able to form coherent sentences amidst the jet lag from yer Christmas Eve flight, and ya wanna drive five hours tae Boston in that state!?! Claire willna appreciate ya ending up in a ditch on the side of the road as a Christmas present ya eejit!” Jenny had made a fair point, and Jamie had agreed to sleep at home and left shortly after he awoke that morning, staying only long enough for the children to open their stockings, and to watch their faces alight with surprise at the sudden appearance of piles of presents under and around the tree.

“I’m glad you took Jenny’s advice, but most of all I’m glad you’re here.” She embraced him again. “You didn’t have to do this though, Jamie, I know how important your family is to you.”

Jamie stepped back and lifted Claire’s chin with his thumb, looking into her eyes. “You are important to me, Sassenach.” he replied, with a sincerity that penetrated Claire’s heart. Claire responded by kissing Jamie chastely on the cheek, knowing her uncle was only four feet away--politely trying to ignore them and watch the television which he had flipped to an all-day marathon of A Christmas Story on repeat. Jamie’s welcome intrusion broke up the monotony of hospital life and seemed to give Lamb a better sense of what day it was.

“Now that we’ve got the place looking good and festive, I believe it’s traditional to exchange gifts on Christmas day.”

“Jamie, it’s too much, I--”

“Oh? Thought they were all for you, didja Sassenach?” he teased. Claire blushed. Of course; she hadn’t really--but who else would they be for? Surely Jamie wouldn’t spoil Lamb, a complete stranger to him, quite so much, and no one else was there. She looked dumbfounded as she tried to come up with a defense but Jamie stopped her. “Dinna fash, Sassenach, Jenny wrapped your gifts for me and Lamb before I could see and I bought them along too. She thanks ya for the wee lotions, by the way.”

“God bless Jenny! That woman is a Saint.” Claire also silently thanked God that she had left the present she was planning on wearing for Jamie that evening in her dresser drawer, that was not a gift she wanted Jenny to see, and was definitely not something she wanted him to be opening in front of her uncle.

The three exchanged gifts, save Lamb, who had nothing to give but smiles and approval for the young couples’ thoughtful gifts. Jamie was genuinely appreciative of Claire’s gifts, although she kept insisting that she hadn’t finished shopping and there was more to come; to which Jamie humbly rejected, claiming it wasn’t necessary. Jamie’s gifts to Claire were thoughtful and meaningful, the most touching ones being a print of a painting of the rose garden he had ordered from the Botanic Garden’s gift shop and a bracelet engraved with the words perennis amor, which caused Claire to tear up and embrace him tenderly in spite of her uncle’s presence.

The three enjoyed the rest of the day thoroughly. A Christmas Story played in the background and they laughed and shared stories with one another. Jamie was a born storyteller and Lamb was elated to have a fresh audience to recount his many adventures to, so conversation flowed naturally between them, with Claire occasionally interjecting. Claire mostly just sat back and admired the two men who were most important to her, filled with joy that they were getting along, that Jamie was there, that it was Christmas. For the first time in several days she had hope and peace. She was surrounded by love in that hospital room as well. She had all the things Christmas was said to bring, and for that she was grateful. Jamie had made her greatest Christmas wishes come true without her even asking and she felt lucky to be alive.

The hospital staff served their version of Christmas dinner for the small family, and while Claire was sure it paled in comparison to whatever Jenny had made, it was quite delicious, especially considering it was hospital food. Jamie ate in the armchair next to Lamb at Claire’s insistence, since the two were deep in conversation, and Claire sat in the chair on the other side of Jamie, taking in her magical Christmas scene, better than any Hallmark movie could depict.

After dinner, Jamie was fading fast, listening to one of Lamb’s stories with heavy eyes.  She took one of the spare blankets and covered Jamie. “Looks like you’re still not over your jet lag”

“Hrmmphh, I ‘spose not.”

“Do you want me to go get you a coffee? I doubt the cafe downstairs is open today, but there’s a cappuccino vending machine a few floors down that isn’t terrible.”

“Aye Sassenach, that’d be bonny. If it’s not too much trouble.”

“None at all, my love, I’ll be back soon.” Claire squeezed his hand before leaving the two men alone.

Jamie listened to her footsteps down the hall, and waited until he heard the ding of the elevator before he cleared his throat to speak frankly to Lamb. He sat up straight in the chair to ward off the sleepiness, having a few important things he wanted to say before Claire came back.

“Lamb, I need you to know, Claire is the most important person in my life. I love her sae much and I’d do anything for her.”

“I’m glad to hear that, I can see how happy you make her. She lights up when you’re around, it comforts my old heart to see.”

“I need you tae know, I’m very serious about her. I ken we haven’t been together that long, but I know--I know deep in my wame that I’m meant tae be hers. I want ya to know that I intend on spending the rest of my life making her happy, and while I havna bought a ring or ennathing yet, I wanted to ask yer blessing” Jamie paused for a moment before adding, “just in case.”

“Of course you have my blessing, son. I couldn’t be more glad to know that Claire will be so well cared for after I’m gone, truly.” Both men looked somber, knowing full well that this could be their last conversation, hoping dearly that it wasn’t. Claire returned with three cappuccinos in hand, surprised by the mood in the room.

“Everything alright, gentlemen? Don’t tell me Ralphie shot his eye out!”

“Och! Everything’s fine, Claire! I’m just tired is all, I’m sure this wee cappuccino will cure me in no time!” replied Jamie, eagerly taking a cup from Claire as she set another on Lamb’s tray table. The rest of the evening was quiet as Jamie took a nap, while Lamb and Claire watched A Christmas Story more intently then they had all day. Claire didn’t want to leave him alone so early on Christmas so she let Jamie nap until Lamb was asleep soundly for the night. The sense of joy she had felt all day was still present, but the nagging worry she felt about Lamb’s coming surgery was starting to settle in as well. Claire woke Jamie gently and Claire whispered softly to Lamb that they’d return in the morning, squeezing his hand before the couple quietly left the room.

----------

They walked out to Jamie’s car, since he still had his stuff packed in it, but Claire drove them back to Lamb’s apartment where she’d been staying. The cappuccino was helping Jamie stay coherent, but he was in no state to drive. They were quiet on the drive home, but kept their hands locked between the seats, grateful just to be in the presence of one another.

When they arrived at Lamb’s apartment, Jamie was so tired, he didn’t even want to brush his teeth, let alone do any of his usual nightly routines. However, he had spent the morning sweating in a polyester Santa suit over his clothes, and although he took it off shortly after his surprise arrival, he felt in need of a shower. Claire showed him where the bathroom was and made sure he had everything he needed, and got herself ready for bed.

Jamie showered quickly, not bothering to wash his hair, and only cleaning the parts of his body where any stench would be most concentrated, figuring the water would take care of the rest. A few minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom with a towel around his waist, ready to collapse into bed, but not before embracing his sorcha. He scooped her into his embrace and she buried her face in his bare, firm chest, warm from the shower. He smelled clean, and fresh and most of like Jamie. “I’m so happy you’re with me, Jamie. You have no idea how much it means to me that you’re here.” the emotions of the day hit her again and her voice caught at the end of her sentence as tears filled her eyes once again. Jamie kissed her forehead softly, down to her nose, and landed on her lips, giving her the firm, passionate kiss they’d both been longing for all day--and for months before that.

“Mo cridhe.” Jamie breathed when they separated. “I’m here. I’ll always be here for you. I’ll no’ leave you alone when ya need me.”

“Oh Jamie” Claire was still crying, “I’ve been so worried. I’ve been trying to stay strong for Lamb, but I feel like this won’t go back to normal--if there ever was a normal with him. I’m scared he’s going to get worse, or--” her sentence dissolved into a fit of sobs, which she tried to stifle on Jamie’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to stay strong when you’re with me. I’ll be here to help you shoulder the burden. I’ll be here to soak up your tears. There’s two of us now, Claire.” He pressed a kiss into her curls. “You can feel your feelings now, mo cridhe. Lay your cares on me. Come now, let’s get ya tae bed. I’m no’ sure how much longer I can stand myself.”

Claire fell asleep wrapped safely in Jamie’s embrace, free to be herself fully. Free to be vulnerable she felt safe, she felt loved, she felt comfortable, and most new to her--she felt she had the hope and strength that she could carry on, no matter what was to come. She slept better than she had in weeks, secure in the embrace of her eternal love.

End Notes: Thanks again for reading!! By the way, the Ingrid Michaelson song Jo mentions is hauntingly beautiful and you should listen to it. Also, I hope you liked Jamie's surprise. This was going to be a lot more angsty of a chapter but Jamie refused to let Claire suffer and had other plans. I know this was full of a lot of emotional ups and downs, and hopefully we can all find some comfort in the fact that just because Christmas/the holidays may look different for a lot of us this year, it can still be special, and there's still light, joy, love, hope, and peace to be found in the midst of the darkness.

[spnfanficpond]

Pond Diving - Imagineteamfreewill

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Meg

Age: 20s

Location: United States

URL: @imagineteamfreewill

Why did you choose your URL: I first started out structuring my stories as imagines, and the “Team Free Will” part was pretty obvious.

What inspired you to become a writer: Reading Supernatural fanfiction inspired me to get back into writing, but I’ve always enjoyed it. My mom likes to talk about how when I was in Kindergarten, I drew a picture about how I wanted to be an author and now I write in my free time.

How long have you been writing: According to tumblr, I’ve been writing fanfiction since 2014, but I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I’m a music teacher, so I sing and play piano, and I’ve played a bit of cello and tenor saxophone as well. I love movies, baking, sleeping, and a few video games.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? I joined sometime around Season 8 or 9, I think. I don’t really remember!

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? I really enjoy Marvel and I’ve read a lot of Marvel fics, but I don’t write for them. I like a lot of TV shows (New Girl, Parks and Rec, The Good Place, Outlander, etc), but I wouldn’t consider myself part of the fandom.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? I love to write poetry. I had a poetry blog at truenorth-ink a while ago, but I haven’t updated it recently at all. Most of my poems aren’t published or posted anywhere.

Favorite published author: I love some of the early series by Rick Riordan and I also really enjoy poetry by Nikita Gill and Atticus. Lately, I've really been getting into Leigh Bardugo's books.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: I think "East" by Edith Pattou really affected me! I read it when I was in 6th-8th grade and I think about it often. I think it's something that really stuck with me and got me interested in fantasy books so much. I read it at least once a year.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): I love angsty stuff, and most of the time I prefer it when it has some fluff mixed in. Straight fluff is often hard for me to read because I need something that’s more realistic for my own life and point of view. I also really like whump, but that can be a lot sometimes so it depends on my mood.

Favorite piece of your own writing: I don’t know if I have a favorite, but I loved writing Back to the Start (my mermaid series) and The Switch (a canon-divergent apocalyptic Reader x Sam series). Right now, I'm really enjoying my Consort series (a Goddess!Reader x Dean series). Creating my own rules in my own little universes is one of my favorite things to do, especially since I can’t always do whatever I want in real life.

Most underrated fic you have written: Empire. I loved getting to write Boyking!Sam because it was so different from my normal Sam stories and I did a lot of research for it. I’m pretty proud that the story never got too bloody or gory, too, so if you want some Boyking!Sam that’s not drenched in blood (for lack of a better term), I’m your girl!

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Probably Back to the Start or The Switch. I think those two series would be amazing to see with J2, the rest of the cast/characters I included, and special effects! There’s so much I’d want to explore with both of them that I didn’t put into the series.

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @luci-in-trenchcoats, @sunlightdances, @supernaturalfreewill, @lipstickandwhiskey, @smol-and-grumpy, @percywinchester27, and @kaz2y5-imagines

Favorite fic from another writer:  I don’t think I could pick just one, but I’ve read all of @sunlightdances Dean fics multiple times. Her works got me through some pretty sucky times in my life and I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of her writing! I’ve also been reading her Bucky fics recently and it’s made me love Marvel fics even more than before!​

Favorite character to write: Sam Winchester

Favorite Pairing to write: Reader x Sam (Reader x Dean is a close second)

Least favorite character to write (and why): I don’t like to write for Crowley or Gabriel. Gadreel is hard for me even though I can do it, but I don’t understand Crowley or Gabriel’s personalities at all because they’re literally so far away from mine.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? No, although @lipstickandwhiskey and @kaz2y5-imagines really encouraged me in my writing!​

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I would love to write a non-Supernatural work of fiction to publish, but that’s a long way off.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: Oh Lord, I have so many! I have at least four series and two one shots in the works right now. I've also got over 100 one shots/series plotlines written out in the notes on my phone and various Google Docs.

What are you currently working on? I’m currently working on a Cinderella series, my Underworld series, my Puer Rex series, my Consort series, an Author!Sam fic, and an Author!Dean fic. I also write stories for my Words series now and again.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Reading other people’s work. The intense storylines of @luci-in-trenchcoats ’s fics have gotten me to be more bold with my writing and the emotions and description in @supernaturalfreewill’s works have inspired me to let my work have more feeling.

Best writing advice you've been given: Not necessarily writing advice, but I was once told that anything worth doing is worth doing at least a little bit every day. Think about it—if you wrote even just five minutes a day, how much better will you get over the course of a month? A year?

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Repetition of words and commas. So many commas and so many uses of the same word over and over again. It’s a hard balance between using the word and using synonyms without sounding like I’m sitting there googling synonyms for “said”. I also tend to spend a lot of time on things that I think are super important but aren’t really important in the long run. I’m wordy as hell and my writing would be dull if I didn’t edit it as thoroughly as I do.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? A lot of times I have these ideas that I think would make a great series but I don’t think through them, so planning out the plot of a series (or even a standalone fic) beforehand is something I struggle with.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I would love to write more fics that have the characters dealing with severe mental disorders or that take place in a mental hospital, but I’m afraid that I’ll portray something wrong and solidify harmful stereotypes about what it’s like to deal with those things.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Honestly, just wanting to write things that I enjoy. Sometimes I get sick of reading other peoples’ stuff since it’s not exactly what I want, so I just write my own!

How do you deal with self doubt: Understand that sometimes it happens. You’ll doubt yourself—everybody does. If I’m doubting myself or my writing, I’ll take a break until I remember why I write. Then I’ll remember that yeah, writing for an audience is fun, but I write because I have cool ideas I want to explore, not because I need the attention or love of strangers. Lastly, I’ll reread my old fics, especially the ones I love, and then I’ll go back and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. That way I can see how I’ve improved and I don’t feel so terrible anymore! Reading my own fics is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine, and I’ll read through my masterlists every once a while just to remind myself of the things I’ve loved, where I’ve been, and where I’m going.

How do you deal with writer's block: Like I said, I reread old fics and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. Seeing the things I’ve done before always helps to focus me. I’ll also read other people’s stuff or talk about headcanons with some friends to try and find some inspiration.

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Lately I have been, but only because my periods of intense inspiration and productivity are getting farther and farther apart because of my job. I’ve found planning it out to be more and more helpful, especially for my series. A lot of times if I get a great idea, I’ll outline the whole plot or any significant details I want to put in that one shot/series so that I can come back to it whenever I have the time or I’m inspired for it again.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I write best in places that are unfamiliar to me or in places/times where I shouldn’t be writing. Class? Writing. Airport terminal? Writing. 4am when I have to be up at 6? Writing.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? Not that I remember! I feel like there’s probably been one or two over the years, but I probably just got upset about it with my friends for a while and then got over it.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? A long time ago, when I was writing Back to the Start, I had one person who sent me asks for every single series update. I screenshotted them and saved them on my laptop. There’s one particular one where they say that they’re happier because of my writing and honestly, isn’t that what we all strive for? That people’s lives are better because of our stories? I’ve also had some pretty great friends recently who’ve made it a point to reblog and send asks/messages on all my works, which has been so meaningful that I never replied to the asks. They’re sitting in my inbox and I go through and reread them sometimes when I’m feeling down.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be?  ​Write down everything. If you come up with an amazing piece of dialogue, even if it’s just one sentence or one person talking, or if you come up with something you’d think would be a great title… WRITE IT DOWN. It doesn’t matter if it fits into whatever you’re currently writing or not, it’ll come in handy! I don’t know how many times I’ve gone through my idea list and found really obscure lines/titles/inspiration that didn’t make sense when I wrote them down, but are now exactly what I need to finish a fic. Even if you don’t end up using it, jotting down your ideas is still writing, and that’s good practice!

[official-weasley]

Love, William (Bill Weasley x OC) - Chapter 8

WARNINGS: maybe a little bit of angst

Chapter 8 - Dear Theodora

It’s been 2 days since Theodora’s birthday and she still couldn’t get over her letter to Bill. She hated that she gave in and wrote him back. What was she thinking? Bill will think she’s insane and she started to panic – forgetting what she wrote as she wrote the letter at 4 in the morning – wondering if she said too much.

How could she allow herself to do this? How could she be so stupid? Bill just wanted to give her something for her birthday and she blew it out of porpo...

Theodora’s thoughts were disturbed by a tap on her window. She let out a gasp as the owl startled her. She pushed herself off the bed and walked to the window to let the owl in.

Giving the owl some treats and letting the window open so that the bird can easily fly out when she pleases to do so, she sat back on her bed with the envelope in her hand.

With the two letters she received 2 days ago, she recognized the handwriting on the envelope as Bill’s at once.

She knew she made a mistake writing to him. He probably sent her a letter to tell her that she should stop writing to him or how inappropriate he found her reply.

Theodora opened the envelope with shaking hands and took out the parchment. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest that if she waited for another second to see what he wrote to her, she would simply burn it and let the curiosity kill her.

Dear Theodora,

it brought a smile to my face to know you received the gift and that you liked it so much. Did you ever get to cast the spell on the rose? Do you still have it?

How did you spend your birthday? Fred and George told me that they are going to surprise you with a party – did they succeed? I hope you had fun and that they didn’t do anything that you wouldn’t like.

They also told me that you are having quite a bit of trouble with your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Has she calmed down? Fred said something about a new regime and her inventing rules all the time?

Are you alright? How is everybody coping with that?

I sure hope she isn’t intervening with your education. Remember that you will soon finish school and won’t have to see her ever again.

I know you are strong and can handle it. Just try not to get yourself into too much trouble. I know you’re a good student – I just don’t trust her, that’s all.

I apologize if expressing my concern went too far,

Bill

Theodora was once again thankful that her roommates were asleep. She couldn’t imagine how her face must’ve looked like reading the letter. Bill didn’t say anything about her letter being distasteful – on the contrary, it seemed he wasn’t bothered by her reply at all.

And he was asking her all these questions and he even seemed concerned for her and the twins.

He was just worried about his brothers doing alright and making sure they don’t get in trouble with Umbridge. She only made Bill worried and of course, now she has to reply to him otherwise he will worry even more.

She tip-toed to her desk – careful not to wake her roommates – and took out a piece of parchment and her writing set.

Dear Bill,

I did cast the spell on the rose and I am happy to say it’s still as beautiful as I found it on my bed. Even though it’s only been 2 days it’s a nice motivation to endure Dolores Umbridge.

My birthday has been as lovely as every year with your brothers around. I knew they were up to something for weeks but they succeeded in surprising me nonetheless after our Quidditch practice. The party was great – chill but amazing and full of laughter. I think I got to my dorm at 2 in the morning and Freddie and Georgie were over the roof that they succeeded.

Back to Umbridge – I honestly don’t know what to tell you. She is evil. That would be one way of putting it. She gives your brothers and me detention almost every week. I know we should keep our mouths shut but sometimes she takes it too far.

She keeps trying to convince us that You-Know-Who is not back and she made Harry write lines: I must not tell lies with a black quill. Honestly, I don’t know how she got away with it. The scar it left on his hand is still not completely healed and no matter how we try to stay out of trouble, we want to stay on Harry’s side. Merlin knows he needs all the support. It’s enough that there are barely any students who believe him.

I’m alright and so are all your siblings so you don’t have to worry. We are there for each other and we are thinking of doing something about her but we don’t know what quite yet.

She keeps attending other lessons and there are rumors that she wants to sack Professor Trelawney. Can she even do that?

I am not as concerned about myself, I know I am out of here in a few months. But what if she gets to stay? What if she will be around for years with Harry and Hermione and Ginny and Ron still at school? I don’t want them to be around that woman!

It’s nice to see how much you care for your siblings and expressing your concern so don’t worry about it being too much. I will protect them as much as I can, you have my word.

Theodora

She folded the parchment and since the owl was in no hurry to leave and kept pecking at her quill while she was writing, she decided to send the letter back immediately. She wouldn’t want Bill to be worried about his siblings so the sooner she can tell him they are all alright the better.

Dear Theodora,

if the rose makes you feel motivated to stay in school with everything you described in your last letter, I will gladly send you another one.

I am beginning to see what you said about the twins while we were at the Burrow last summer. They really are amazing friends to you and I am proud of them for that. They might like to joke around but I can see that they take you seriously and that’s a good quality of theirs – they are growing up.

Honestly, things have been chaotic everywhere. I don’t understand how she can have so much power either and it scares me to see what she can do to students. I believe Harry as well – we all do – but I hope that for his sake, he will stop talking back at Umbridge.

If she used that quill on him, who knows what else she is capable of. I know it’s none of my business telling you this, but be careful. I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt or get in serious trouble with that woman because you had to defend someone.

I know how it sounds – you should stand up for what you believe but do so together if you can. Unfortunately, I reckon things will only get worse from here on out and Ron told me that you don’t have proper DADA lessons. I think you should try and find a way to learn some spells on your own. I can tell you about some that might come in handy.

You have to be prepared for anything and know that you can’t trust all your teachers anymore. Whether they would like it or not, they might not have the power to protect you, so you will have to do so yourself.

I admire you for trying to fight for what is right and I have no doubt that you and the twins are already sticking your heads together and thinking of what to do or how to make the situation better. At least try to do so quietly and strike when she’ll least expect it.

I think at this point, she can do whatever she wants. And if she starts firing the most innocent of professors then she might take all your protection away from you. Just know that you are safe at school as long as Headmaster Dumbledore is around.

Thank you for easing my mind and telling me all my siblings are okay – it means a lot. But know that I worry for you as much as for them.

Please stay safe,

Bill

Theodora didn’t know what to think of Bill’s letter. She has to ask Harry if he needs some help with the spells they are going to learn.

She was now even happier that they came up with the idea of trying to defend themselves and Bill was right – it will only get worse from here so she and the twins need to act fast and try to get that woman out of their school.

They had a rather peaceful time at Hogwarts and if there is anything she can do about it, she wants to help the next generations to have the same experience and she couldn’t see that happening with the toad on the throne.

It brought a smile to her face when she read that Bill wants to give her another rose. She would like to think that the gesture is romantic but she thought better of it. She knew now – Bill telling her that he is also concerned for her – that he sees her as a good friend and as much as she would like him to think of her as something more, she couldn’t deny being friends with him meant a lot to her too.

Dear Bill,

the rose is going stronger than ever. I had to get a bigger glass from the kitchen as it keeps growing and is not even close to withering away.

I know it would be better if Harry stopped talking about You-Know-Who around that woman but at the same time, I admire him for it. We should all spread awareness that our world might not be as safe as it used to be and don’t worry we are doing something about it!

Harry, Ron, and Hermione came up with an idea to have secret lessons on how to defend ourselves. We had a meeting a week ago and I have to say they are quite prepared. I will tell you if we would need any spells to work on but I think Harry has a whole curriculum for us and I can’t help but be excited about it!

We will have these meetings in secret, don’t you worry and all your siblings are a part of it, so they will all know how to defend themselves.

Fred, George, and I have an idea how to get back at Umbridge. It would take weeks to execute the plan but it might just work to make other students want to fight back!

I know you trust Dumbledore and so do I, but to be honest he hasn’t been around much. Perhaps that’s the reason she can get away with everything she wants.

We will keep an eye out and try and protect and get as many students on our side as we can. We are doing a great job so far, a lot of people that didn’t believe Harry before are on our side now and that gives me hope.

How is it on your side? How are you handling everything?

Expressing my concern for you in the hopes you are okay,

Theodora

Theodora came to her dorm late one evening – exhausted from another DA meeting. She fell on her bed – with her nose straight into the sheets – when she heard her body crushing something. She moved to see what it was and found a letter in the middle of her bed.

Dear Theodora,

I can’t express how proud I am of you, my siblings, and all your friends for doing what you are. I think you are doing the right thing creating this secret group of yours and I hope you won’t get caught.

I believe Harry is the best teacher you could have. He, after all, faced the Dark Lord many times and I think we could all learn something from him. I secretly wish to be there with you. It not only sounds nice to learn new spells but also fun for doing so with your friends.

I feel relief that Ginny and Ron are a part of it. I know that the twins are quite good with their spellwork but Ginny and Ron are still young and I don’t even want to imagine them fighting.

Dumbledore, unfortunately, has a lot on his mind and is also working on something else about which I can’t tell you for your own protection. Let’s just say that you are not the only one forming a group.

You are truly remarkable, do you know that? Wanting to help the younger students and promising to protect them without even thinking twice about it, makes me think that the Hat did a great job sorting you into Gryffindor.

Thank you for expressing your concern for me. I can assure you I am doing fine. I am thinking about leaving Egypt so I can be closer to home. I know it’s my dream job but family and friends are more important and if anything ought to go down, I want to be there to help and I can’t see myself doing so from Egypt.

Things here are okay otherwise. Of course, a day doesn’t go by without whispers and people expressing concern even though it seems we are so far away from troubles.

I promise I will stay out of harm's way so you needn’t worry about me.

Bill

Theodora read the letter twice – as she did with every single one Bill sent her. She couldn’t deny that she was getting quite fond of them writing back and forth so much and it made her mind more peaceful knowing that Bill was okay.

She yawned and looked at the time. It wasn’t even 10 in the evening but she felt so tired. She folded the piece of parchment and promised herself to write him back the second she wakes up tomorrow.

Dear Bill,

Our meetings are going great. As you can imagine Freddie and Georgie are having no problems perfecting all their spells. Ron is doing a great job too! I think all three of them were pleasantly surprised by Ginny though. Your sister is one of the most powerful witches I have ever seen!

Her spells are so strong and she doesn’t need much time at all to master them. All your brothers are very proud of her and I think their mind is more at ease – knowing Ginny is perfectly capable of defending herself. She isn’t a baby anymore!

My heart is lighter knowing that you are doing okay. I fully support you if you decide to come back to be closer to your family. My brother Eric is thinking of doing the same. He doesn’t trust my mother to take good care of me and him being an Auror could help when things get bad.

I think it would mean a lot to your family to have you closer. I know Mrs. Weasley would sleep better at night. Charlie wrote to me a few days ago, saying that she is constantly asking him if he is alright being so far away. I can imagine you are getting the same letters.

I wish you could be able to come here and help us with DA but with you being in a similar organization you probably have a lot on your mind as it is.

Being in Egypt has its perks as the tension isn’t as bad as here I believe, but I know I would lose my mind not being here to help and to constantly think about how my family is.

Your number one supporter for you to come home,

Theodora