#text rant

[seweage-monster]

All of you complain about overstimulation and sensory overload

We need to talk about under stimulation. I’m not saying I want to be overloaded with information. No I mean when I get panic attacks because there is not enough self stimulation in a situation. I have to walk out of meetings to pace around and think to calm myself down because my fight or flight response has activated from being not being able to stim.

I get so anxious when I cannot listen to music or have something playing in the background because I need stimulation that I choose to have and which I have control over

It physically hurts my brain.

[cripplingoptimism]

Distractions [3/3]

Gonna wrap this up in 3 parts. Previous here.

Yo, WHAT was happening on Twitter this week?? Every time I opened the app there was a new analysis of the Goddamn couch scene. I didn't think Trigun could hurt me any more and yet here I am in a new spiral over an internet stranger's hot take.

Anywaaaaay, I've had this brainworm way before whatever angst got a hold of Twitter. I've always interpreted Vash and Wolfwood’s relationship as 'right people, wrong time'. But honestly, I love every interpretation of them - platonic, soulmates, lovers, etc. So, through these comics I wanted to show moments during their journey that conveyed the gradual evolution of their relationship (as I head cannon it lmao). Canonically, Vash never gets to tell Wolfwood how he feels and my poor little heart has been in denial about that ever since. So this is my *slight* rewriting of the series of events leading up to Wolfwood's solo journey.

At this point in the manga (ch. 50) I wanted to show that, despite the 7 month time skip, it's like no time has passed between them. They're still comfortable and casual with each other, still seeking the comfort of distractions - Neither of them wanting to shatter the illusion of normalcy in this moment. And I feel Vash would be the first to ask for more when reality comes knocking (through Wolfwood's fist lol).

He knows, even in a best-case scenario, his time with Wolfwood is limited. And while Vash is just as shackled by duty and guilt as Wolfwood, he carries an optimism about him that Wolfwood lacks. He needs Woolfwood to know how he feels so he can live without regret, regardless of the outcome. As such, he takes the leap. Wolfwood, unfortunately, cannot bring himself to share in that optimism. He’s too absorbed in worry about the orphanage, the children and especially Livio. His heart is screaming at him, but he knows he can’t afford to be distracted by his “selfish” desires. So, he rejects Vash by being realistic and hopes he can see that he wants this too, but just can't bear the impending heartbreak due to their circumstances. Vash does see this. He swallows his disappointment and heartbreak, earnestly grateful for the relationship he still has with Wolfwood.

I know my characterization feels like it conflicts with the moment on the couch; Vash can't even look at Wolfwood for that entire scene despite Wolfwood being the one to try and connect with him ("You look better...when you smile."). However, I never saw that moment as Vash rejecting Wolfwood. Not in the traditional sense at least (maybe an inadvertent rejection). Vash wanted more between them (to share his tomorrows), but not like this - not as a deathbed confession. He's heartbroken and grieving and (somewhat selfishly) can't see that Wolfwood just wants to enjoy his last moments with the one person on this planet he can call an equal and a friend.

Speaking of the dreaded couch scene, I don't think I can add anything new to the discourse, but I will say the tragedy for me really lies in all the emotions Wolfwood goes through:

Being at peace with his death ("This is the way you want it?" "Yeah."). It's what he believed he deserved, with all the blood on his hands, and the mutation of his body, he assumed he could never return to his previous life with everyone at the orphanage.

Grieving for his future (confetti). Wolfwood never believed he could be forgiven. The children celebrating his return showed their acceptance of him, welcoming him back regardless of his sins. He was worthy of forgiveness. His guilt prevented him from even entertaining the thought of forgiving himself. There must have been regret in those tears.

Seeking comfort from the one person he grew to truly trust and Vash not being strong enough to give it. I already mentioned this above, but Vash not even being able to look at Wolfwood throughout the entire couch scene tears me up.

From the narrative's perspective, Wolfwood needed to die. And even knowing that, it still absolutely destroyed me (and still does). Not just because he died, but because right before his death, he was given a glimmer of hope - that had he survived the fight with Livio, he would have had a chance at happiness.

Last side note here: I've seen discourse online explaining the entire scene is a metaphor for a wedding and I just wanna say, you'll be hearing from my therapist.

[azurityarts]

uhh hi again

update (and text wall) below

Hiya! It's been a bit ^^;; (wow i've completely forgotten how to do this sdhnfhndshnf)

So for those wondering where I've gone, I'm still here! There's just been a lot of stuff going on, ranging from personal health to familial issues to academic bullshit, and I guess I just decided to take a break from drawing? ><; Those issues have been present and stockpiling for a while now, as early as winter of last year (you can honestly see the visible drop in doodle quality); there was just a lot on my plate. The Daily Doodles really took a toll on my sleep and arm, and while I don't think either have gotten much better (not me typing this in the dead of night), I think I can do more now that exams are over! I doubt I'll be able to put out stuff at the same frequency like 2022 though.

For those wondering what's next, I'll still be here! o7 I've got plenty of stuff I'd like to start, get back to, and finish, but that barely does it justice. I've got a big problem with starting projects and abandoning them, but there's quite a few I'll be trying to get back to with what time I have (yes I still remember the Dusknoir post). Most direly though, would probably be the raffles? Yeah... those sorta went on pause as a result of what else I had going on, and I am. Seven overdue now?? shit man wtf where did you all come from o-o

In regards to the raffles though, I probably won't be able to organize seven of them things at the moment lol- I have another plan though! Which will hopefully be easier on everyone? Maybe. Idk about me LOL - it'll be reblogged from this post shortly!

oh yeah I also finished PSMD and no I was not and am not okay

TL;DR: It has been a Large Amount of Time since I've properly gotten back here as an active blog, and even longer since I've regularly drawn, but with finals over, hopefully I'll be more active?

[sparrow-writes-draws]

HELP- I’m looking at official art of will treaty to draw him vs how I thought he looked as a kid and-

IM SOBING WHY IS WILL SO PATHETIC WET RAT IN THE OFFICAL ART LIKE

HES SO SAD LOOKING

My boy looks like he just clawed his way out of a sand pit 💀/lh

[onlythespiteremains]

I'm realizing that the more time I spend getting used to being alone again, the more I notice how much of a mask I put on for work and just the outward energy I project. Because I don't want anyone to ask what's wrong, and nobody wants to talk to you when youre depressed and complaining and negative. But I'm not fucking happy and I'm so fucking tired of my brain and anxiety forcing me to smile and talk in that stupid fucking voice.

[kb-amnewt]

I would really like an actual feeding experience. Why doesn't someone in real life sit me down, stuff my face with food, and not let me get up? I'm sure it'll happen eventually, I hope.

[ithappensoffstage]

I am genuinely so worried for all the young horny dykes going into adulthood thinking there's something "problematic" / "wrong" with them for being horny because fucking tiktok lesbians think any horny dyke content is "male gaze fetishitic"

[emptyjunior]

Enough random notes that have a written story on them as environmental storytelling, explore the space, get crazier with it.

You move into a house and aw cute, it has the kids height on the walls but you notice there's a three foot difference in height between measurements, you check the date, they're a month apart. The final measurement is on the ceiling. It's dated two days ago.

You're part of a recovery team that have finally found a stranded ship, they were found too late and have all passed a long time ago. They all died of starvation. You enter their storeroom, it's filled with food. In the dining hall you find the tables laden with perfectly fine looking breads, cakes, cured meats, jams, candies. Your medic says all the people sitting at the table didn't eat a Thing.

You wake up in an apocalypse. You can't find anyone at all as you wander the streets but you do hear faint music playing from somewhere. You stumble into a supermarket, to see all the aisles still full, except for the shelf that was full of ear plugs, which look to be the only thing that was looted.

Like there's light, sound, props. Having a street where every house is decimated except for One. Landing on a planet known for having No Water and a plant is growing and you don't know where it could have possibly gotten moisture from but you can't find the citizens Anywhere.

I'm sorry, I'm just kinda over the "graffiti on the wall to show the bad guy is around". That's not environmental storytelling that's just normal story. Show me I'm in the villains territory by the rain suddenly cutting out above me as I'm driving, even though it's meant to be raining all night. I park the car and step out, and realise the constellations are Wrong, until I see they're Not constellations, they're the blinking lights of a massive ship-

I Will stop now because everytime I go to write a sentence it devolves into another prompt but I'm just saying we have a Lot of senses, engage them, show me the Environment in environmental storytelling.

[zelda-deep-wilds]

Ganondork?

Dear Anonymous, I do not know anyone by that name. Perhaps you mean King Ganondorf, ruler of the proud and ancient Gerudo Kingdom.

I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume your misspelling of his name was a simple typo. It would sadden me to think you bothered sending an anonymous ask just to crudely insult him. What was your comment or question about the Gerudo King?

River

[seweage-monster]

What sucks about having autism is never being capable of explaining to someone what an energy crash is. Or that I have only so much brain power I can dedicate to activities. I can’t work on my homework when I get home at 5:00pm because my brain is exhausted from social interaction. From audio stimuli in my workspace.

Even worse is on some days, my brain is so productive! And happy! And mentally well! But on other days (many days) I am the opposite. I can’t finish anything. I am sad, grumpy, frustrated, angry, tired. I am in shambles. For multiple days at a time. And having to explain to someone, or even myself, that just because I was productive a few days ago, does not mean that I can be productive every day without crashes.

The amount of neurotypical de-society transitioning I have to do with my brain to tell myself that I’m not wrong for playing games all night after school. I’m not wrong for watching videos to rest. To snuggle in my bed when I have several assignments to do. I cannot emphasize enough how much society has tricked my brain into considering a rest break as “being lazy and worthless”

We neurodivergents need more resting times. And the way we rest is considered wrong by a majority of society. Stimulating my brain my giving it something it enjoys during a break time is apparently a sign that I am at the bottom of society and should be shamed. Looking at my phone to see what my favorite content creator has posted has resulted in me getting punished for “procrastinating”. Or maybe taking time to indulge myself is just a sign of addiction, and should be limited.

This is all a bunch of bullshit! Stop! Just because I’m not working by your standards of work ethic doesn’t mean I’m not getting work done!

TLDR: Venting about bullshit neurotypical work standards and break variations should be recgonized

[rotyolk]

miku day yippee!!!

[azurityarts]

Daily Doodle #143

we vibin

I ain't never giving up I ain't never ever, I ain't never ever giving up my pride I ain't never letting go I ain't never ever, I ain't never ever gonna sell my soul American Authors - Pride

THEY HAVE MORE SONGS THAN BEST DAY OF MY LIFE Y'KNOW

I might or might not have mentioned it in a post before, but I really, really LOVE linking/associating characters' personalities with music/songs, especially OCs. And I think more people should do it too! Music is a medium that brings emotions, feelings, and concepts in a way that art or writing can't (i mean literally; you use your ears for one and eyes for the other two lmao), and it's just such a nice way to further contextualize a character.

Don't get me wrong, expressions, poses, character design, backstories, lore, and/or about-me's are just as amazing in themselves and do plenty to define and refine characters, but music just gives that extra oomph in such an awesome way.

TL;DR, indirectly (or even directly if you can pull that off) explaining characters though music and songs is fucking amazing, and we should all do it more.

[sparrow-writes-draws]

I used to read rangers apprentice as a kid and lemme tell u I was obsessed

image my shock when I recently reread it and no one is described as I imagined them 💀

I hella projected onto alyss and imagined her as asian so going back and finding out she’s blue eyed blonde hair was weird. Also Crowley I always imagined him big and bulky, completely forgetting that almost all rangers were short and lithe.

Horace had brown hair but besides that he was pretty accurate to how the books described him. Even though it was a major plot point that Cassandra wasn’t a red head I always saw her as such.

Same w Gilan, a red haired Mexican kid.

They were all so much more diverse in my head lol, maybe I’ll draw them how I imagined vs how they’re described in canon

[bruciemilf]

One of my favourite aspects in the season 2 of Heartstopper is how unapologetically intolerant everyone is towards homophobia. Like.

Harry showing up at Tara's birthday party and Charlie shutting the door in his face despite that apology.

Nick freely calling out his brother's biphobic behavior. Tori literally sinking her nails in David's arm when he was mocking Charlie and Nick and planning to out them.

It's so refreshing. There's no moment where someone asks Charlie or Nick to be the "bigger people" and forgive anyone who undermined, mocked, dismissed, and harassed them for their identity.

Because that shit shouldn't be tolerated ever and it's not acceptable. Queer people aren't here to be your redemption arc.

[alectology-archive]

most annoying breed of author is actually someone who doesn’t respect a genre and sets out to subvert it.

[silveranimefan]

So this may be a tough ask, but can the people who run porn bots just disappear off of the face of the Earth?

Thanks so much.