#texting is the opposite of my superpower

[mackeydoodledoo]

A New Perspective: Chapter 2

Pairing: Jennifer Walters x (Fem!)Reader

Summary: You were apart of the Avengers, right from the beginning. It was a story everyone wanted to hear. Your girlfriend, beginning to take up the 'Hulk' mantle, Nikki suggested that she could be an Avenger like you, however, Jennifer rejects, not wanting to be associated as a Superhero... You don’t blame her.

Chapter Warning(s): She Hulk Series Context, PTSD, Swearing, Survivor’s Guilt, Therapy Sessions

Chapter Key: Italics = Thoughts, Bold/Italic = Dream Sequence, +*+ = Time Skip, Bold/Indent = Text Message 

Chapter Theme: Fix You - Coldplay

A/n: None

Tags: @justyourwritter69​

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You immediately make your way through the doors of the bar as your eyes search around the room.

“Y/n! Over here!” Jennifer calls over to you

You stop when you look into the direction of the voice... 

Another Hulk?...

The green skin, bigger stature... You didn’t know who the hell she was and yet... Had the voice of Jennifer Walters...

“Jen?” You ask, walking up to the other woman to get a closer look at her

“Yeah... Have you not seen the news?” She asks

“I tend to try and keep away from the news to be honest with you...” You say, perching your elbows atop of the table 

“Neat little trick you pulled there Walters...” A man walks up to the both of you

It was clear that he knew your crush. However, your blood was already beginning to boil just the way he was simply talking... 

“Don’t you think it’s a little unsportsman like to debut superpowers just to drum up publicity for yourself?” He asks

O-kay, I’ve had enough.

“You got a problem?” You practically growl, standing up 

You slide yourself in the space between him and Jen. 

“Now, say that to my face and mine in particular,” You say, genuine annoyance in your voice, “Look me straight in the eye and say that to me.”

He slightly takes a step back as you could hear him gulp. He adjusts his tie as he begins fear-sweating. His eyes shift to another direction and rushes off into the direction in question. Your ‘death-stare’ watches him as he hastily walks off.

“I have never seen Dennis nearly piss his pants like that before,” A woman comes over with two drinks in her hands, “Let alone his egotistical self shatter in front of a woman like that.”

You look over and see the other woman place the glasses in front of herself and Jen.

“You must be the Y/n Y/l/n Jen has been non-stop talking about,” She smiles, enthusiastically shaking your hand

“She doesn’t shut up about me eh?” You chuckle, looking up at the green woman

“I’m Nikki Ramos,” She says, “And no, I could obviously see the brightness on her face every time I ask about you.”

“Is that so?” You ask

Before Nikki could answer your question, Jen pinches her arm.

“By the way Jen, a guy gave me these two drinks for free because you’re a superhero,” She smiles

“Ugh! I’m not!” Jen tries to deny her hero status once more

Nikki clicks her glass against Jens...

“No, I did not go to Law School and rack up six figures in student loans just to become a vigilante that is for billionaires and narcissists and adult... Orphans for some reason” Jen groans 

You were lucky your interlaced fingers covered the now-dropped smile. You weren’t necessarily offended at the “Billionaires and Narcissists” part... You were more hurt at the “Adult Orphans” part... 

If only you knew our origin stories Jen... But, if only it were that easy of a story to tell...

+++

You were about a year younger than Carol and Maria by the time you all graduated from the Air Force Academy... But, the two were like your older sisters you never had; you never grew up in the best household... Your family was old-fashioned. The men would get the big-paying jobs and the women there exact opposite.. Your former family disowned you after making a choice for yourself. 

“Wait... What about you?” Carol asks, “You should come with me. We can take the Kree down together. We’d be unstoppable!”

“Carol,” You say, “I’ve been here all of my life. I know nothing about the universe... Besides... Who will protect this world if there wouldn't be someone like us?” 

“Did you quote that out of a comic book?” She asks, smiling

“Shut up, you know what I’m talking about,” You say, gently punching her shoulder, “Finding the Skrulls a new home... Searching the Galaxy for Skull survivors... Taking down an entire empire... It has to be you. Only you... They’re going to trust you more than anyone else in the universe.”

Carol doesn't try to persuade you further; she only smiles and puts her hand atop of your head.

“Earth is in good hands,” She smiles

“The universe is also in good hands,” You smile back, “Be careful out there Carol...”

Even after then; Maria still kept you under her home; raising you like she did with Monica. Now she, she was the little sister figure you’ve also dreamed of having.

You stuck by them until your recruitment into the Avengers in the year 2012... There, you found yourself a second family. Essentially in Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton. Although you still kept in touch with Maria and Monica, the workload of being in the Avengers had kept you busy. So busy it was to the point where you ended up (unintentionally) ceasing contact with them.

That was... Until Monica notified you of Maria getting cancer... However... you were called away to Wakanda to fight Thanos’ army... But.. That was where everything turned upside down... 

You were there right as Maria passed; succumbing to her illness. After Maria told you that Monica just “dusted” away, you were the only one left she saw as family that was able to make it to her deathbed... You initially resented Carol for not reaching back to you; you also took it into her perspective of how much of the universe she has to cover... 

With Carol trudging through the universe, Monica dusted and Maria dead, and your second family scattered to who knows where... It was a struggle for you to find that familiarity again...

“I’m sorry about your friend...” Natasha puts a sandwich in front of you

Natasha was the only person that wasn’t dusted that still had kept you around.

“Before... Coming into this whole Avengers thing...” You begin, “I had Carol Danvers, Monica and Maria Rambeau... They took me in after my biological family disowned me for dreaming of becoming an Air Force Pilot... With all three of them basically gone it’s... It’s...”

You could hear Maria’s monitor flatline... You immediately break down sobbing. Natasha immediately hugs you to try and calm you down. 

+++

“But you could be an Avenger,” Nikki suggests, still holding that enthusiastic smile as she takes a drink

Your eyes shift to Nikki; surprised at the fact she suggested the idea.

“Do the Avengers offer Healthcare?” She asks her close friend, easily downing her drink

No...

“Maternity leave? A pension? Are they even paid?” She asks

No, No and big shocker...

“No,” You say out loud

“No, what Y/n?” Jen asks

Shit I thought I kept that to myself...

“I meant, no, that I don't think they are even paid,” You say, “I would imagine if they were killed in the line of duty, what’s the point of all of those?” 

“Maybe it could benefit their families,” Jen explains

“Well, Avengers are for adult orphans.” You rephrase her statement of the composition of the team, kind of angered 

“Didn’t know you were so knowledgeable with Avengers stuff,” She says, “Did you work with them at some point?”

“No, just kept my nose in the news,” You lie

Worked with them most of my life... 

“Here’s the thing though,” Nikki states, “Hulk Jen, is a total snack.”

Your smile comes back as you agree with her statement. However, an older looking man comes up to Nikki’s right side as she states that Jen’s Hulk form is attractive. However, Nikki walks away to probably grab another drink.

“Jen can I talk to you?” He asks

“Of course sir,” She says, standing up, “What is it?”

“Could you go back to Jen? Jen, this is a serious conversation,” He states

“Oh, sure,” She says, beginning to shrink down back to her regular self

However, when she was trying to place her elbow onto the tabletop and to seat herself down, she stumbles. Right into you.

“Oh!” You coil your arms around her, “I got ya...”

You get her into a seat, “You okay?”

“Yeah, just... Different metabolism,” She answers

You don’t move away from Jen as the both of you just stare at each other. However, you hear someone clearing their throat. You look over and remember that her boss was right in front of the both of you. You hastily readjust Jen to disperse her weight onto the table.

“I’m gonna go grab a drink,” You tell Jennifer

You walk over to where Nikki was and seat yourself next to her.

“The usual Y/n?” Pedro asks

“Yep,” You say

“I saw that,” Nikki leans over to you, smirking

She nudges you in the shoulder.

“Saw what?” You ask

“I saw the way you two were batting eyes at each other,” She smiles, “She likes you.”

“She couldn’t possibly,” You sigh, “I’m no one special.”

“That’s a lie,” She says, “Don’t think I didn’t do a background check on you.”

Oh fuck me...

“You’re the famous ‘Supernova’,” Nikki begins, “The person who shares the same powers as Captain Marvel, who was apart of the Avengers since 2012... I don’t get why you’re lying to my best friend...”

“I don’t want her knowing I’m a superhero,” You state, “Everyone I knew that knew me as Supernova, died. I love Jen too much to have that happen to her.”

“Yes, but she's a Hulk now,” She says, “I’m sure she’d feel less pressured if she knew that the girl she likes is a superhero.”

“Ugh don’t associate me as a superhero, those days are behind me now,” You sigh

“That will catch up to you eventually,” Nikki states, “There will most likely be a time where you have to become Supernova again.”

“And until that happens,” You begin, “I am simply Y/n Y/l/n, just some kid that moved across the country for a new chapter in her life.”

You let out a sigh as you down another drink.

“By the way, when you suggested that Jen could be an Avenger... There’s a reason this whole rag-tag team was consisted of billionaires, narcissist and adult orphans...  There are a lot of more things that one like yourself has yet to know about being an Avenger,” You explain, downing your drink

+*+

“Have you made any new friends since your big move?” Your therapist asks

“A couple,” You answer, “One in particular though...”

You weren't sure how to tell your therapist that it was a Lawyer you began chatting up and falling for...

“Who is she?” She asks, “If you’re willing to open up about that of course.”

“Her name is Jennifer Walters,” You answer, “She’s a Lawyer who happens... To share the same powers as Bruce Banner... And happens to be his cousin...”

“Are you sure that is something you’re willing to get yourself into?” She asks, “I just want you to make the smart decision for yourself. If you want to get a fish start of where you are now.”

“I like her, a lot,” You say, “She doesn’t wish to be a superhero; just a lawyer.”

“Good for her,” Your therapist sighs in relief, “Does she seem to be conscious when she is in her hulk form?”

‘She’s fully conscious,” You state, “I met up with her at Legal Ease the other night and I was having full on conversations with her and everything. No one seemed afraid of her appearance, they were... Encouraging it.”

“That’s great to hear!” she replies, “I'm glad you’re able to find and settle down somewhere less chaotic than in New York.”

“Less chaotic... Not sure about that but less... Time consuming,” You say, “I’ve been having a lot more ‘me’ tie.”

“That’s also good,” She smiles, “And what have you been doing in said free time?”

“Sleeping,” You laugh

Your therapist laughs along with you.

“Well, anything else you need to get off your chesty before we call it a day?” She asks

“Nothing that wasn’t out of the ordinary,” You say

Just still having nightmares of all of my battles...

“Okay, I’ll see you next session,” She signs off

You sit at your desk space, beginning to zone out until you hear your phone go off. 

Hey.

Hey, everything okay?

Sort of...

What happened with Nikki this time?

She ditches me for a date... I don’t want to look like some lonely sap sitting a the bar... I know you worked a double today but if it’s no trouble... Care to join me for a night out?

Sure, at Legal Ease?

The usual date :) See you soon

Date? Jennifer Walters called our meet-ups dates...

+*+

As you enter Legal Ease, you easily spot the curly-haired brunette from across the bar; similar to how you found her all those nights ago.

“Hey you,” She smiles, hopping down from the barstool to greet you with a hug

What was different was... You and her grew closer in friendship and you in particular... Developed a crush on her. You did it all without telling her that you were an Avenger/Superhero.

“What’s been new with you Y/n?” Jen asks, placing a drink in front of you

“Nothing really,” You confess, taking a sip of your drink, “Just wake up, do my day job and meet you here when the day is done. Only thing I look forward to when I get the chance really...”

I also stop crime here and there... Minimal use of my own powers... Minimal enough to keep Supernova out of the news...

“You look forward to seeing me?” She asks

You look up and notice the blush on her face. Although she had a higher alcohol tolerance, it was only when she was She-Hulk. You nearly choke on your drink mid-sip as you realize you made her blush.

“Well, yeah, what else could I get out of this town?” You ask, kind joking

“Well, you aren’t in Hollywood,” Jen states, “You could snag any woman to live with you and yet you’re here with me...”

“Well, I think you’re pretty great,” You say

“And how am I great?” She asks

“I’ve seen the media and... people always act like they’re some high snd mighty person...” You begin, “Whereas you... Even though you have an additional status as a new rising hero, you don’t let that change who you are as a whole person. You know who you are and... That’s amazing...”

Originally she asks this as a joke. But, hearing something like that, not only from you but from anyone... 

“Do you... Wanna get out of here?” She asks

“Sure,” You say, “A little bit stuffy in here...”

Jennifer looks around but doesn’t see a whole lot of people in the bar. However, she knew something was on your mind; she was going to get to the bottom of it.

“I’m honestly going to call it a night,” You yawn, “Same time tomorrow night though?”

“Actually, why don’t you come over same time tomorrow night?” Jennifer suggests, “You’ve gotten to know me well enough.”

“Sure,” You smile

Jennifer pays the tab and hops down from the bar stool. Just as you were following behind, she takes you by the hand and has you follow her out of the bar. She didn't seem to take any notice to it but you were fuming inside. You nearly bursted with cosmic energy.

"So I'll text you my address a couple hours beforehand," Jen says, turning to you

"Hmm?" You realize you zoned out

"I was saying ill text you my address couple hours before our designated meeting time tomorrow," She smiles, chuckling

"Okay," You smile, “Sounds good.”

You stiffen when Jennifer takes a step closer, pinches a piece of your jacket and places a kiss on your cheek.

"See you soon, Y/n," She blushes, hastily turning away from you

She quickly makes her way to her car. You stand there as you watch her drive away. Your fingers gently hover over to where Jennifer had kissed you. A devilish smile slowly appears on your face as you crouch down to your knees, springing into the air; screaming in excitement as cosmic energy flowing around you as you fly into the night.

+*+

You gently land onto the front lawn of Jennifer’s apartment complex. 

Ooooookay tonight’s the night... I’m gonna tell her...

You walk up to the staircase and head to the respective apartment number that Jen had given you mere hours before your arrival. As you come up to the apartment number, you compose yourself and raise your knuckles tot he door.

“Hey Jen, I’m here,” You make your presence known from one side of the door

“Shit! One sec!” She replies from the other side

You could hear things crashing and such as you wait for Je. on the other side of the door.

“Hey,” She smiles, finally opening the door, brushing her curly hair back from her face, “Sorry, was struggling to figure out what to cook for you, and cleaning of course...”

“You’re cute,” You smile, stepping past her as you take in her decently sized apartment, “Bigger than my place for sure.”

“What’s your place like?” She asks, shutting her door

“Not big enough to have a decently sized fridge to keep a lot of food ion that’s for sure,” You chuckle

“Oh... You live in one of those places...” She sighs

“Honestly it’s not bad if you’re living alone like me,” You shrug, “Got a nice skylight... Taught me how to keep things at minimum. Well, I didn’t really take a whole lot with me to LA to begin with.”

You look over into the kitchen and see something boiling. You make your way through the kitchen and begin mixing whatever it was.

“You’re making pasta?” You ask, turning to her

“Alfredo... To be exact,” You say, “You uhh... mentioned it was your favorite...” She stutters

You do vividly remember explaining to Jen about favorite foods. You were always open with food as food was food. However, the one go-to if it was offered: Alfredo. 

“You remembered?” You ask her

She smiles as she nods. 

“Usually people forget,” You say, helping her out with the rest of the meal, “Plus, it’s simply my go-to wherever places offer it.”

“You’re in luck,” Jen smiles, “It’s being offered in the Walters estate.”

You watch her go off to a bowl; the sauce. 

Cooking date... It’s a nice change...

+*+

“So your phone’s lock screen... Is Captain America’s ass?!” You chuckle

“Yes, because have you seen that ass?!” She asks

The both of you were a couple glasses of wine into the conversation. 

“I have Jen,” You chuckle, “Mans does workout you know, no one could have that kind of an ass by simple magic.”

“He does now?” She asks, “What’s his workout routine?”

“Oh you know,” You say ,”Boxing, Push-ups, Sit-ups, the whole enchilada.”

You try not to give anything too personal. You’ve seen some of his workout routines but not all of it. Most of the time you were training with Wanda; the only other Avenger that had a form of projectile powers like yours.

We gotta tell her...

“Hey...” You say, swirling your wine glass

“Yeah?” She asks

“I have something to tell you,” You say

“What is it?” She asks

You stand from your chair and make your way into the living room; Jen following close behind.

“I... I’m... I’m a... I’m an...” You stutter, trying to get the sentence out, trying to rip off the pain like a band-aid 

‘Hey,” Jen coos

You watch her grasp both of your shaky hands into hers.

“Deep breath...” She coos again, “It’;s me Y/n... You don’t have to hold back on what you have to tell me.”

She says this, as she looks straight into your eyes... That was enough to calm you down...

“I wasn’t actually caught up in all of those fights on the East Coast...” You blurt out

Jen’s genuine concerned expression drops to a confused one.

“Y/n, I’m not understanding what your point-” She tries to say

“I was an Avenger,” You interrupt her, finally ripping off the band-aid

Jen’s thoughts scramble and try to process the new information given to her. Your breathing staggers as silence falls between the two of you...

“So you basically lied to me?” She asks

“I was... Scared...” You confess, getting up from the couch, beginning to pace around her living room, “I was scared that if you knew that I was some kind of adult orphan vigilante, you wouldn’t like me from the get-go...”

“You think your status as an Avenger wouldn't make me like you?” Jen asks, sounding annoyed

“I don’t know?!...” You say, your voice squeaks, “After the Battle ofd Sokovia and the amount of damage we’ve caused, the civilians of the world wanted to contain super-powered humans like me... Wanda Maximoff, etc...  I especially didn’t want to put you in danger if you knew about my hero status. I love you too much to put you through that much danger!”

“Y/n I love you too but-” She begins

“No Jen, I love love you!” You finally confess, interrupting her again, “The fact I share powers with the most powerful cosmic energy in the entire universe and the fact I chose to stay here whilst my other half roams the cosmos... Albeit I’m better down here anyway... The amount of superhumans beginning to crawl out from the underground, the more people would know who the hell I am, the more I’d be putting them in danger. I love you too much to put you through that. Even though... You. Are now... A superhuman yourself...”

Silence fell between the both of you as heat rose to your cheeks as your brain finally processes on what you had just said. 

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck...

You stand in place, frozen as you watch Jen slowly walk up to you. Goosebumps form as soon as her fingertips make contact on your skin on both of your arms. A large ‘thump’ emits from your chest as you felt the tips of her fingers glide across your forearms; traveling up to the bottom of your biceps.

“Jen, what are you-?!” You try to ask

But your question was cut off by a kiss. A gentle, yet light, long kiss. 

“I never said that I didn’t like the Avengers,” Jen clarifies for you, “Bruce was one himself, you know that. I only said I choose not to join because of the lack of benefits and that I don’t want to be associated as a superhero. You being one too, doesn’t make me love you any less.”

Your head jolts forward as you kiss her again, but this time, it felt fuller; like... she was waiting for you to make the move... You pull away from the kiss, although you were enthralled Jennifer Walters confessed that she loved you too, your face said something different.

“Something’s still on your mind,” Jennifer says, cupping your cheek

“I don’t blame you for not wanting to be associated as a superhero,” You say

“I thought you were going to say the exact opposite,” Jen sighs in relief

“The only thing you can really brag about being an Avenger is that you helped save the work, twice, and fought to save the universe,” You chuckle, “But, in my years since beginning my time as an Avenger, I’ve seen a lot of loss... Made decisions that were questionable, and found myself in some situations where I should have been killed. And yet, I’m here... Lived through all of it... Survivor’s guilt and those near-death situations really take a toll on how you live afterward...”

“Is that why you decided too move all the way here?” She asks

You nod, “I wanted to finally be away from everything that summed up who I was. Wanted to find a fresh start somewhere else. But the PTSD and the scars followed with me...”

“I thought a powerful cosmic being like yourself you be impervious to getting scars,” Jen tries to lighten you up, “Or at least self-heal?”

“Unlike Captain Marvel. Jennifer Walters,” You chuckle back ,”She has Kree blood running in her veins; I only have my human blood... So, she can self-heal. I cannot.”

“Would you... Be willing to show me these... Scars?” Jennifer asks

You weren’t honestly willing to... However, you were already in the process of lifting your shirt over your head. You didn’t feel forced, it was all by your own free will. Your back turned to her; silence fell between the both of you... You let out a startling gasp as you felt her cool hands touch your back.

“Oh! I’m sorry I’m sorry!” She repeats

“Hey,” You turn to her, stopping her from panicking, “It’s fine... I just... Never... Revealed this part of myself to anyone... Ever... And a bit of a warning next time...”

You turn your back to her once more as you allow her to observe all of the scars; whether it was bullet grazes or melee weapon injuries, they were all there; visible to Jennifer. You felt her gentle fingertips gently trace the silver lines as you felt her hazel eyes pierce through you. Your breathing hitches as you feel her lips touch the nap of your neck.

“What are you doing?...” You hiss

She continues placing light kisses right over every single scar she could see.

“Loving,” She says, kissing one scar, “Every single story you have.”

You felt her fingers trace the outline of your shoulders to trailing down the sides of your back, stopping at your hipline. 

Chapter 3

[max-imumbooks]

Renegades Thoughts

Spoilers ahead!

----

There are things I really enjoyed about Renegades. It's just that it's shortcomings kind of overwhelm everything else. Like, they have the perfect characters to carry a truly interesting story right there, and they chose to just... not. I saw so much potential as the books progressed that every refusal to go down an untraveled road just got me more and more frustrated.

Adrian's and Nova's team members are adorable and convincingly normal. Unlike the adult superheroes, the patrol team are all teenagers who could be anyone's brother, anyone's sister. They're people first and foremost. AND they have cool and unique superpowers! Girl who can transform into a swarm of butterflies, anyone? And being one of the most badass heroes among them? And Adrian brings his drawings to reality, which doesn't seem all that valuable in combat on the surface, but in execution lends Adrian a versatility that others don't have.

As far as the plot goes, the fact that the story plays with superhero archetypes meant that I was looking for a predictable/archetypal story structure. In my head, it should have gone thus: Book 1 = ends with Nova being found out, Book 2 = consists of heroes vs villains with Nova and Adrian on opposite sides, and Book 3 = Nova and Adrian realizing the hero/villain conflict of their parents' generation doesn't have to be their story, and find a way to come back together to navigate a path of their own, joined by others their age from both sides.

That's not what I got.

I read these all back to back, so it all kind of runs together in my brain (especially since I listened on audiobook), but iirc Nova isn't even suspected until Book 3, and even though she's arrested, she's ultimately acquitted in short order. She's not TRULY found out until the finale.

The FINALE.

She then proceeds to stand by while Adrian is quite literally tortured, flayed even, with hardly a word of protest. It turned my stomach to know that this girl I've come to enjoy so much suddenly lacked any spine whatsoever, and it was enough for me to feel like Adrian's quick forgiveness after wasn't actually earned. Nova ends the story still in a moral deficit, which was kind of lazy. Like-- why.

I also expected Nova to grow into her own identity, as she starts of executing someone else's plan to infiltrate the Renegades, and then ends up crafting her own plan when she's suddenly required to maintain the facade longer than expected. In my mind, I expected her to actually take on a role of authority, but any time she's undermined or in conflict with other villains she shrinks back into obedience. When she finally acts to her own morals, it's not because she's grown and gained unique experiences, but because it turns out her uncle lied to her about the deaths of her parents and baby sister Evie.

Speaking of, what REALLY gets my goat is that the most interesting twist on the story, the thing that would have 100% redeemed this story if it had been explored in the main text, happens in the EPILOGUE.

See, there's this character we meet in the same scene we meet Nova. Nova is on the street during a parade, and a young pickpocket tries to steal her bracelet-- the last token Nova has of her parents, her most prized possession. The pickpocket turns out to be Maggie, codename Magpie, a Renegade who has a talent for identifying and unearthing valuable items. From then on, Nova positively loathes Maggie, and the feeling is mutual. They hate each other's guts, and can barely be in the same room without fighting each other.

It's actually quite refreshing that Nova doesn't suddenly lapse into mother mode, as other stories may be wont to do. Two girls hate each other-- it happens! And it's 100% in character on both girls' parts.

But here's the thing: in the finale, Maggie is revealed to be Evie. You know, Nova's murdered baby sister whose death motivates every one of Nova's actions for three whole novels? Yeah. That Evie. No one knows, not even them. Maggie was delivered to an orphanage as an infant, after her parents were found murdered and her older sister missing, never to be heard from again. Maggie grew up hoping that her sister would re-appear and claim her, but she's abandoned that dream-- she's far too cynical and streetwise for that.

But imagine. If the story had let Maggie and Nova learn the truth... How would they reconcile? Would they believe it? Would they eventually come together and love each other like they always dreamed of doing? THAT would have been 100% more compelling than the lukewarm commentary of the hero/villain dichotomy that we got. That could have easily been the main focus of Book 3.

Ugggggggghhhhh... it makes me want to tear my hair out.

Especially because there's been no mention of Marissa Meyer of returning to the world of Renegades.

On a side note, as a kid I had a habit of fancasting the characters in almost every book I read. I've mostly grown out of that, but this series did have a character (Nova's uncle) that instantly put an actor in my head-- Phil LaMarr, who I know predominantly as Malefic J'onzz in CW's Supergirl. Nova's uncle Ace had such a distinct presentation and delivery that LaMarr's face was the only thing that popped into my brain. (And in casting LaMarr, it would suggest that Nova would be black or at least mixed race, which opens up a whole world of wonderful casting choices.)

So-- yeah. Any story where the most interesting and compelling plot twist happens in the epilogue is certainly on the struggle bus.

[soul-dwelling]

Do you think Bungo Stray Dogs does a good job of representing the books/authors it references, or is it often very surface level and just spreading misinformed caricatures?

It's not quite misinformed, especially as Asagiri is leaning more into how the popular culture imagines these authors more than just who they were in real life and what their texts "actually" said. But I do think it is superficial, even when sometimes the most superficial details are still effective at quickly communicating through shorthand what Asagiri is trying to share as a message or a tone to the story.

(Chapter 118 just came out. It persists with the worst parts of this arc. At least it seems like it is trying to respond to the original text of Tanizaki’s “Light Snow.”)

The references to real-life authors are mostly superficial. 

But to get the positive out of the way first: the superficial references are there are narrative short-cuts, mostly effective, to communicate to the reader what they should feel--it’s intertextuality. 

In other words, “You are familiar with how close these three real-life authors are, so that should make it hurt more when betrayals and conflicting goals shatter that friendship.” In those cases, it works: if you are familiar with these major works of literature, you instantly get the point, the potential message, and the tone. “Here is Fitzgerald, so now we are talking about the toxicity of the American dream. Here is Akutagawa, so you know this is a story about violence. Here is Ranpo, so you know this is a detective mystery.”

Those light novels about the earlier days of the Port Mafia are usually really good at deploying references to the real-life authors to enhance the already strong plotting and characterization: it’s still potentially superficial, but it is there to enhance what is already working in the story, adding without detracting. We understand how similar the writing styles are between Oda and Gide, so we understand why this novel has those two in battle. We know the real-life friendship between Oda, Dazai, and Ango to understand why that friendship in fiction falling apart hurts. We understand how the real-life Verlaine inspired Chuuya, so we understand how Asagiri transforms that relationship into something toxic, now imagined as someone forcing someone into a position of being like a younger sibling against their will, how this does violence to Chuuya, to be trapped and forced to model himself after someone who is overpowering him with the same superpower they both share, and how Chuuya’s struggle to craft his own identity is what it must feel like to be an author trying to get out of the shadow of those who inspired them. 

All of that is really good. 

It’s just too bad that the manga is rarely as good as these light novels, where the manga tends to go with the superficial. 

My major example is how Hawthorne is just reduced to “the Catholic guy.” I’m not ignoring Catholic readings into Hawthorne’s life and literature; I just think it’s damn foolish to insist on those readings when ignoring the far more obvious and directly stated influence that Hawthorne’s Puritan, not Catholic, ancestors had on his life and literature. I mean, yeah, it ties into why he’s working with Fyodor (we’ll get to Asagiri’s really weird insistence on reversing the chronology where latter authors now serve as inspiring or controlling older authors), but it still all comes across as surface-level references. 

I admit I am ignorant about a lot of Japanese authors. From what little I know, Asagiri has this annoying fixation on being ironic. In other words, if an author is known for a certain philosophy, suddenly the version we get in Bungo Stray Dogs is the opposite. The problem with this strategy is that it is not only shallow, it doesn’t say anything: Asagiri made an author into the opposite of their philosophy of literature or the point of their works--so what, what does that communicate? Having a character taking on the properties antithetical to their originating author would work if you can watch what unfolds and say, “Wow, this is still faithful to the originating author, even though it is the opposite.” 

Think Starship Troopers the book versus its film adaptation: the film is “faithful,” but it is so faithful that it shows the logical conclusion of Heinlein’s philosophy--fascism--that ends up horrifying Heinlein fans to realize what was always there. Bungo Stray Dogs could have gone in that direction, but most of the time, it doesn’t. 

In real life, Ranpo was inspired by Poe; in Bungo, Poe was inspired by Ranpo. Cool--what else is there? I enjoy their dynamic, but as someone who reads and writes quite a bit about Poe, what new insight is gained by reversing the power play here? What are we saying about Poe when it turns out he is indebted to Ranpo? Is this to prop up Ranpo? Is it a response about American influences in Japanese literature, reclaiming Ranpo’s work as being original regardless of influence and in fact pointing out how indebted Poe was to earlier authors (and likely was plagiarizing them)? 

In real life, Yosano was the fascist, Mori was not; in Bungo, Mori was the fascist trying to turn Yosano into an instrument of war. Why is the story refusing to engage with the idea of having a villain in Yosano? It’s not as if the story is against women as antagonists (still waiting for this series to do something with Agatha Christie already). What is there in the real-life Yosano’s life and literature that convinced Asagiri that it would be better to have the fictional Yosano have an entirely different philosophy? 

In real life, the authors who make up the Hunting Dogs were mostly journalists; in Bungo Stray Dogs they are violent, even sociopathic members of the military who intend to hide secrets rather than bring them to light. I know next to nothing about the politics of those real-life authors, and some of those journalists were also running political parties, so I am all there for interrogating whether their politics were militaristic. But this comes across as so disrespectful: what is the point of turning journalists into agents of war? Bungo Stray Dogs keeps trying to say something meaningful about how power structures perpetuate war at the expense of individual people’s lives, even if entire nations have to be destroyed. But the story rarely makes journalists complicit in furthering such fascism. Why make the Hunting Dogs into literal soldiers instead of toying with the idea that media has and will foment war? 

What I can speak better about is how the United States authors are handled. 

Fitzgerald has a lot of the back story of the real-life author as well as the personality, iconography, and blood-soaked money of Gatsby, and yet it comes across less as an indictment of American greed and more as superficial details. As of now in the manga, Fitzgerald is readying a contingency plan in anticipation that the Agency is about to lose to Dostoyevsky, so there is still a chance that the kind of Starship Troopers subversion I want is coming. 

Steinbeck has pretty much all of the background of Tom Joad, down to the number of siblings and economic struggles as a farmer. His willingness to work under the kind of greedy capitalist like Fitzgerald should mean something, especially when Steinbeck finally removes himself from Fitzgerald’s influence and decides to make a power play…except the manga has never followed up on that detail for almost 100 chapters, and the scene where Steinbeck is making his move was never adapted into the anime (a problem the anime has had for some time, and which is only getting worse, as the manga has scenes right now in this current arc that contradict what the anime has shown earlier).

Asagiri has said he is a fan of the writing of the MCU; I think that is indicative of his problem as a writer of creating stock character types then forcing the name and works of a real-life author onto them. Sometimes that works really well: Gogol as a wild card and a fool suits the writing of the real-life author; as I said, I think using the names and works of actual journalists for the Hunting Dogs fails. This is like when the MCU really needs this character to have a name, but then they pull the name of a random comic book character no one heard of who has little in common in personality or relationships with who this character is. 

Then again, to give Asagiri some credit: he had to write a tie-in story to promote his publisher’s other work, The Da Vinci Code, in which the cast of Bungo meets the fictional version of Dan Brown, who, as written by Asagiri, has a superpower that involves…just being needlessly incomprehensible and a hack writer--which, you know, fits, and is a hell of an insult by one author against another. 

[astrangelady]

“You look nauseous,” Derek says, interrupting Stiles’ imploding thoughts.

“I’m not, just stressed,” Stiles says. It’s Thursday and they just finished their last period. Scott left early for his trip to Palm Springs, so it’s just him and Derek at his locker.

“Isn’t the stress supposed to hit before midterms, not after them?” Derek teases and Stiles huffs.

“I can get stressed anywhere, anytime. It’s my superpower” Stiles grumbles, entering his locker combination. He gets it wrong the first time and shakes the lock in frustration.

Derek’s hand rests on his shoulder and squeezes. “Hey, take a breath,” He says evenly. “You can talk to me.”

No. No, he can’t. Because the idea of talking to Derek about Elliot makes him want to vomit and scream and rip his own face off.

“It’s that guy,” Derek guesses. “The one you like.”

There’s this clipped tone in Derek’s voice as he says it. Stiles doesn’t have the mental wherewithal to analyze it right now.

“Yeah,” Stiles says, sounding defeated as he manages to get his locker open. “I uh… I finally texted him Monday night and it’s been great, but it’s also been shitty because I… I can’t talk to anyone about it.”

Derek stares, this pinched look on his face as he watches Stiles get his things ready to go home. Or rather go to The Roast, now that school is over.

“What?” Stiles asks, paranoid that Derek is just staring.

Finally, something clicks in Derek’s eyes, and his eyebrows furrow. “He’s eight years older than you,” Is all Derek says.

“Huh?”

“Monday night, you asked me if eight years was a big deal for an age gap. This guy you like is… twenty-five ?”

Why does Stiles feel ashamed all of a sudden? He thought he had come to terms with Elliot’s age. He’s 25. Who cares? Stiles doesn’t and that’s all that should matter.

“Yeah and I’m almost 18 and in college. It's not that big of a deal. I mean, no one bats an eye at a 30-year-old being with someone who’s 38.”

“But you’re not 30, you’re 17,” Derek says and he looks like he’s working through something in his own mind as he says it. “He’s older than Ms. Blake.”

“You haven’t even met him, you don’t get to judge,” Stiles says, shutting his locker with more force than normal and crossing his arms.

“Okay. Then let me meet him. Let’s go to The Roast. He works there, right?”

Stiles scoffs. “You have practice.”

“No, I don’t. We never have practice the Thursday before fall break,” Derek says, a big fat smirk on his face.

“You’re lying.”

“Why would I lie?”

Ugh, it turns out Derek Hale can still be infuriating.

“I don’t know,” Stiles snaps. “Fine. We’ll go.”

“Great,” Derek says. “All I need is my shit.”

They stop by Derek’s locker, ignoring all the looks along the way. People still aren’t used to them being friends, but at least no one is gonna bother to interfere. Derek Hale is untouchable and can do what he wants, and if he wants to be Stiles’ friend, everyone has to just begrudgingly accept it and move on.

Derek insists on them driving there together. The Roast is in the opposite direction of Derek’s house, so according to him, it makes more sense for them to drive together because Derek can just drop Stiles back off at the high school since it will be on the way home for him.

Great. So now Stiles is going to be in Derek’s shiny black car, with a touch screen on the console and vegan leather seats, and it all looks like it could be in a James Bond movie.

It also just feels like something people dating would do. Derek even opens the door for Stiles and it’s all too much and it’s all wayyy too confusing.

Here’s Derek Hale, the straight guy Stiles could never have, opening doors and driving Stiles to the coffee shop where the guy he actually can have is going to be working.

“Derek, let’s just hang out at your place, we don’t have to-”

“We’re going in. We don’t have to stay long,” Derek says. They’re parked on the street outside Roast. Stiles feels petrified. He’s afraid of what Derek will think and what Derek will do. Maybe he’ll think Stiles is gross and awful like the pervy guys at school who say salacious things about Ms. Blake.

“Just-” Stiles has no other arguments. He’s here, Derek’s determined to at least go inside. He might as well get it over with. “Fine.”

[dialsdrnk]

𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵. ♡

indie rp blog. multi-muse, multi-ship, selective and mutuals only unless it's an open starter ( anything in the tag is fair game ), medium slow speeds to reply, IMs open to mutuals, and i'll give you my discord if you ask! that's the best place to reach me. i'm reid, i'm 26, my pronouns are he/him, and i'm in EST. format wise, i tend to use medium gifs ( or whatever i can that's small and my fc has resources of ) and small text. right now i only have original characters; most are fandomless/adaptable to any fandom! i do like writing supernatural / superpowers a lot, so if a verse is available, i'd love to do things in those.

guidelines. muses. about me. opens. ( reply at any time ! ) memes. ( send at any time ! ) wanted opposites. wanted plots.

asks: 0. drafts: 22. queued: squat, i've been slacking. starters owed: 5 from the general starter call. and i have a reverse starter call here that i'm getting to, too, i promise. feel free to hop on that one now! it's active for as long as i have this written here. updated 2/2/24.

[lovemesomesurveys]

How many people have you liked this year? Zero. I haven’t been interested in someone since 2016. I don’t even remember what that feels like, ha. 

How many pills do you take a day? Several. It used to be just one medication like 4 times a day, but when I was in the hospital I had a few added that i take 2-3 times a day and then my primary doctor also prescribed me an antidepressant and an anti anxiety medication that I take one of once a day. Oh, and my sleeping pill at night. 

Do you have any celebrity crushes? Alexander Skarsgard, of course. 

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? At this point, I wish I had healing abilities. 

Do you put ketchup on top of your French fries or on the side? Bleh, neither. I like ranch on the side with my fries. 

Where did you last sleep other than your house? The hospital. 

Where did you get your last bruise from? I think I banged my elbow on the side railing of my bed. 

Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single? I mean, if that’s what you feel comfortable with and the other person is as well. And they’re single, too. 

Ever worn something of the opposite sex’s clothing? Most of my graphic tees are men’s because I like the fit of them better. 

Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Maybe.

Last CD you blasted through your car stereo? I have no idea, that was many years ago.

How many email accounts do you have? Two. 

Who is the best cook in your family? My parents and brother are all good cooks. They each have their specialties. 

Which baby animal is your favorite? Puppies and giraffes. Honestly, though, baby animals in general are all pretty cute. 

Have you ever carved a pumpkin? Many times. It’s been a few years since the last time, though. 

When is the last time you went to a carnival? Back in high school at our school carnival. 

Do you have a favorite glass, cup, or mug? Yeah. Currently, it’s my Reese’s mug I got for Christmas. I’ve been seriously obsessed with Reese’s the past few months and for Christmas I got a Reese’s gift set that came with candy and 2 mugs and my stocking was full of Reese’s lmao. 

What branch of science interests you the most? Psychology.

Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yeah, in college. 

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with via text? I haven’t had any deep conversations via text in a long time. 

Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr for sure.

Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? No.

Favorite YouTuber? I have several. 

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No.

Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? No.

Do you have any gay family members? Yes, a few. 

Was your first kiss romantic? No, it was super awkward lol but it was cute. 

What are you most likely to go to jail for? I have no idea. I can’t even imagine. 

Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? My aunt. She’s staying this weekend, actually. 

What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? I would trip out a bit just cause that would come as a total surprise. I don’t have any feeling that he might be. It wouldn’t matter of course, I would just be surprised. 

How many people has your best friend had sex with? I don’t have any friends.

When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? Several years ago.

Are you currently “appearing offline” to anybody? I don’t think so. I think Tumblr shows when you’re online and I haven’t tried messing with the settings. I don’t care.

What were you for Halloween last year? Nothing. I stopped dressing up several years ago.

Do you believe that karma can come back and slap you in the face? I don’t believe in karma.

Have you ever been to Texas? No.

Do your siblings text you? My younger brother and I do. Mostly it’s memes and TikToks. 

Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth? Of course. That’s like the first thing everyone did. You can look up anywhere and for some reason we all had to look up our own houses lmao.

Did your last kiss end up with you and the person doing anything sexual? No.

Who is your ex dating/talking to? I have no idea, nor do I care. 

Who did you last pinky promise with? I don’t recall the last time I did that. 

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? No.

What happened at the last party you went to? I haven’t been to a party in several years. And parties for me were small get togethers with friends or family, I was never a big partier. 

Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying? Yeah.

When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong? I always do in some way or another, but I had a bacterial infection a couple weeks ago and felt really shitty. Thankfully, my doctor was able to prescribe me some antibiotics and I felt better within a few days. 

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person? These two girls, Crystal and Starr, in preschool. We sadly lost touch after preschool cause we went to different schools. 

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift? Yes, my shirt and my rings. 

What is your least favourite song, by your favourite artist? I don’t feel like thinking about it.

What color is your jewelry box? I don’t have one.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? No. 

What is your brother/sister’s favorite food? My younger brother loves Mexican and Korean BBQ and my older brother is a vegetarian and mostly eats just veggies. 

Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavour is it? I’m not sure.

In your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most? My mom.

Are you afraid of losing the person you like right now? I don’t like anyone. 

Does anyone know your Facebook password? No.

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? No.

Do you enjoy being outdoors? Only if I’m at the beach.

How many times have you been to a zoo? Many times. 

What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? Hm. I don’t know. There’s certainly subjects I’d rather not talk about, but not one I wouldn’t talk about at all that I can think of. 

[purplesurveys]

1602

How many people have you liked this year? Zero.

How many pills do you take a day? None. If not prescribed I only take one for headaches, and even then I try not to make it a habit for every headache I ever get.

Do you have any celebrity crushes? I have the biggest one on Kim Namjoon these days. Also Song Hyekyo because sis is totally in the middle of her revenge era and I’m here for it.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Either time travel or space travel, if only either didn’t have the complications they pose.

Do you put ketchup on top of your French fries or on the side? Side, because I don’t like ketchup and putting it on the side would allow me to ignore it lol. No but seriously, I prefer any condiment to be on the side when eating fries.

Where did you last sleep other than your house? Our accommodation in Zambales.

Where did you get your last bruise from? It’s been a while since I got one but the last is probably from doggy playtime gone wrong. My bruises these days are almost always from those.

Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single? Well yeah, unless you’re single and kissing a taken/married person?

Ever worn something of the opposite sex's clothing? Sure. A shirt I bought last week was off the men’s section.

Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Sure.

Last CD you blasted through your car stereo? I haven’t inserted a CD in my car in years, but the last song I listened to was most likely something from Indigo as I’ve tuned in to that album all month long.

How many email accounts do you have? I have three main ones - 1 work email, 2 personal emails.

Who is the best cook in your family? My dad is literally head chef on a cruise ship so that’s a no-brainer. Other than him, both my grandmas are fantastic cooks and have their own specialties, so it makes every visit to them exciting haha.

Which baby animal is your favorite? Puppies and elephants.

Have you ever carved a pumpkin? No, we don’t do that here.

When is the last time you went to a carnival? Oh man. Must have been a pre-pandemic fair in either my high school or university.

Do you have a favorite glass, cup, or mug? I don’t have one, I just go with whichever mug my hand reaches out for first from our mug rack.

What branch of science interests you the most? Biology. Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Numerous reports and reaction papers in college. My thesis was also over 100 pages long.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with via text? I haven’t had deep conversations through text since my last partner.

Twitter or Tumblr? Twitter. I’m only here for surveys and the occasional fanfic if my favorite author happens to update or publish stories.

Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? Nope.

Favorite YouTuber? Josh and Ollie of Korean Englishman. Most of the time though I watch more structured(?) channels like Watcher, Try Guys, About to Eat, Vice Asia, Asian Boss, Business Insider, etc., instead of more laidback people who talk to the camera from like their bedroom/studio.

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? To an extent. I wouldn’t say this was a main trait of theirs though.

Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? No. If not an inside joke between friends, wouldn’t this be a shitty thing to do?

Do you have any gay family members? I have inklings but otherwise nobody is out.

Was your first kiss romantic? Yes, it was.

What are you most likely to go to jail for? Hurting someone who hurt my dog. < This is true, but personally it applies to anyone I would see hurting animals. When we were in Sagada’s town center buying souvenirs there was this dude who ran over a dog (I knew the dog should have been in blatant view from his car when the incident occurred) and I didn’t hesitate to scream and call him out, only stopping because my mom forcefully pulled me away from the scene. Crowds be damned - I did what I best could to the piece of shit. Anyway, right after the gigantic waste of skin drove off, I stayed long enough to check on the dog – he managed to get out unscathed and I only calmed down once I saw him scampering away.

Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? My sister’s friend.

What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? She is. The more applicable question would be what I’d think if she turned out straight, to which I’d be very surprised. She’s the biggest misandrist I know, so I’d never expect such a change.

How many people has your best friend had sex with? For one of them, just one. I’m not sure with the other best friend.

When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? Two years ago.

Are you currently “appearing offline” to anybody? My Messenger is set in such a way that I look offline. It’s been in that setting for the last two? three-ish years and I have no plans to change it ever because it’s not like people look at the green dot anymore lol.

What were you for Halloween last year? I was that all-black character with a mask from Squid Game. Can’t remember the name anymore.

Do you believe that karma can come back and slap you in the face? I don’t believe it’s karma necessarily, but your decisions can definitely come back and bite you, that’s for sure. < Yeah, sounds about right.

Have you ever been to Texas? I haven’t. Not really high up on the list in terms of places in the USA I want to visit.

Do your siblings text you? My sister and I mainly communicate through Messenger. She never has load so we don’t text.

Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth? Sure. I’ve done the same for places I regularly go to, my old schools, boujee villages in Manila just so I can see how many houses have swimming pools LOL, etc.

Did your last kiss end up with you and the person doing anything sexual? No.

Who is your ex dating/talking to? Somebody. I’m not sure, I don’t keep touch and I’ve asked my friends not to tell me about it for the simple reason that it’s not relevant to my life anymore.

Who did you last pinky promise with? Can’t remember. I don’t do those.

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? I had to share a room with both parents and siblings until I was 10. And then for like one week in high school my sister and I shared a bedroom until we both decided we don’t like the arrangement lol.

What happened at the last party you went to? I won a minor prize in the raffle, had the best mushroom soup I’ve EVER had, and tried to convince people that I was dressed up as Winnie the Pooh (the party was Disney-themed) haha.

Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying? Yeah, at least a few times a week.

When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong? May 2020, turned out to be a UTI. Was a bitch trying to get treatment for it considering that was Peak Peak PEAK Pandemic Era and all hospitals and clinics were prioritizing Covid cases. What a time.

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person? Angela! Yeah I literally messaged her that we should get drinks soon like 5 minutes ago.

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift? I’m wearing the Koya slippers that my dad got me for Christmas. I got two pairs! The other Koya pair was given to me by Angela and I switch them everyday to make sure I’m making good use of both hahaha.

What is your least favourite song, by your favourite artist? War of Hormone makes my eyes roll all the way back to the ninth level of hell. Does it make me a hypocrite? Yes. Will I continue to dislike the song? Yup.

What color is your jewelry box? I don’t have one. I don’t have nearly enough jewelry/accessories to justify getting one.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? No.

What is your brother/sister’s favorite food? My sister is into sushi these days.

Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavour is it? We haven’t in a while, but I can bet someone will get a tub for media noche.

In your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most? Angela.

Are you afraid of losing the person you like right now? I don’t like anyone.

Does anyone know your Facebook password? I don’t think so.

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? I wouldn’t consider getting any piercings.

Do you enjoy being outdoors? If the weather cooperates and I like where we’re headed, yes.

Gay marriage: love is love or a horrible stand against God? The former; get religion out of the way.

How many times have you been to a zoo? Several. What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? Nothing really. I’m an open book, and if I cover a topic that could potentially invite discomfort it’s only because other people asked for it lol.

[madmonkeydisorder]

Wake up in temporary bed in Edinburgh so alive so far away from home allowances to change scenery to escape all anxieties running down the whole body I note who can find all lost addresses and post codes coding the code in fish and chips take away on sudden edges in Highlanders independent lands independent culture protected by the castle on a rock the plug in extinct volcano in the heart of Edinburgh capital city who constitute identity in Scottish autonomy.

Polish diaspora transgress me as a writer walking Royal Mile freshman to find haunted history of times in monumental imprints done here by my Polish past and present presence annihilated into Scottish mountains as wanderer could found peace here in turbulent times seen everyday on TV screening atrocities around the world this modern war provide I deny interpretation for disaster desease draining energy from the souls.

Accepting the flow of ki energy I fill up the meaning to the core of existential crisis the world experience which left me so vulnerable and fragile to deal with burden above and beyond the ceilings dividing holiness in artist to speak the truth to stubborn CitiZen who try to ruin sanity reporting unique lived experience to the authority who put antisocial label on individuality who blossom in super social hyperactivity hyperlinks which reactivate sense of existence in peaceful coexistence this multicultural influences shape the Ape in me born in gold monkey year third monkey in matriarchal bloodline my rebelling soul chose to incarnate this lifetime to rewrite mythologic archetypales setup in outdated stagnated catheghories society beliefs and prejudices I offer energenesis in refreshments to be seen in context of spiritual enlightenment as anarchofeministheoretical philosophy streaming I receive in mystical download the source allow to understand in reusing decoded messages translations between sentences regular rules breakdown in dyslectics flashbacks rebelling against the rule of laws existing in theory of language in revolver contexts evolution drop out in Universal translations in Kinglish my own creations rebellion destroying the old English institutions run on expired versions of the system updates in computerismicro scales weight the macro universe model heavy duty Simulacra holy matrix holy text insertion in uncounsciouss layers piling layers on top of each other creating multiplex laser hologram sacred geometrical seal the entrance to the promised paradise where extraterrestrial forces planted human DNA in laboratorium Eden tactical ancient conspira that we as a species are designated to balance energies locked in non binary source code download on Animatrix another upgrade in simulation projections visionary hallucination serve to protect us from Nuke Test threats seen in politics who wants power to destroy the balance in escalations of another Cold War on the Polish borders military duel affirmation to keep an eye on dictatorship of the superpowers attempts to annihilate the freedoms in regimental advancement of technologies in science fiction versions of the future primitive society I fear we are changing too quick to follow up updates to heal their modern plaque spleen overcoming humanity critical state of mind rescued in oppositions who reconnect the networks among human Zoo!

[thewestern]

Chapter 13

Kitty really had to pee. (The line for the gender-agnostic bathroom ünit had stretched the length of four school buses.) Partway through the supposed performance — this rank obscenity, a mechanical minstrel — Dandy Jim’s petite lieutenant returned to fetch the Mick and his party. Escorting them back behind the brewhouse to Jaime’s private studio ünit, she assured them he would be along shortly. 

For about another thirty minutes they sat in wait. By which point Grace was fucking starving. The Mick was comfortable, compared to Grace and Kitty, but nonetheless on the brink of melting down completely. Zeke meanwhile was patiently hoping their hostess would soon return. They were seated all four in a row on an obtusely angular white pleather sofa that contorted each of their very differently sized and shaped bodies.

If this was Jaime’s office, it didn’t bear much resemblance to Hank’s. For the first, there weren’t much hanging from the walls, except that thing which was mounted quite precariously on above their heads; set against an ornately patterned wallpaper depicting a playbook of acrobatic sexual positions seemingly plagiarized from the Kama Sutra or some similar text. It was a blaring neon sign with a cursive quotation: 

Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. 

- The Notorious R.W.E 

Excuses are like poetry, Russ always said. They’re for pussies and nobody wants to hear them.

Across the room abutted the door frame, there stood a DIY bookcase, with shelving fashioned of salvaged skateboards, stocked with a small library of titles Kitty hadn’t heard of — Zero to One, Good to Great, Thinking Fast and Slow, Outliers, Team of Rivals, The Hard Thing About Building Hard Things, the Fountainhead, Let My People Go Surfing, Barbarian Days, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Meditations. And then one she did recognize but had not herself read — Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. The wall itself was lined with green astroturf.

In place of a proper desk, there was what the Mick ascertained to have once been a door, based on the protruding knob, mail slot and door knocker. It was propped up on either side with neo-classical columns of imitation granite, and arranged lengthwise against the side wall beneath a large, trapezoidal makeup vanity. Hollywood style … you know … with the exposed light bulbs. (E.g. I’m ready for my closeup, Mr. Delano. That’s great, sweetheart. Look straight into the camera and tell the folks at home how old you are.) Behind the mirror, the wall was whiteboard, like the one Kitty used at her new school. (West Middle still had the dusty old chalkboards that probably hadn’t been replaced since well before bussing. For a fact, some years prior, a student had done a graffiti spanning the full length of the board, to commemorate the last day of school. However, since the janitorial staff had been dismissed for the summer, it would remain scrawled there until the following fall, by which point the chalk was burned into the dark green surface to an extent that it could not be completely erased. Kitty went on to teach in that very classroom, where she would be forced to write Newton’s Laws and other lessons atop the faded italicized wordmark of the band KISS, reproduced perfectly.) Somebody — Jaime, presumably — had drawn out various diagrams in the multi-coloured dry-erase markers — pie charts, histograms and line graphs, the latter all trending exponentially upwards. Then there were the chicken-scratched aphorisms Kitty couldn’t quite make out, except for the largest one that read, Gratitude Is My Superpower. The penmanship was poorer than her seventh-grade students. (From her previous gig. West Middle, that is. At SciTech, all assignments were to be completed on school-issued computer and submitted via email.)    

Opposite that wall was a floor-to-ceiling portrait. The artist could be quite readily identified by his vivid color palette and screen-print anti-aesthetic. But the subject, none of them could quite make out. It was a soldier from the looks of him. Or at least by way of the uniform. Dress blues. Because this officer on deck did not have the barracks-standard issue high-and-tight haircut. No, this here warrior-beat poet — no doubt a bon vivant par excellence — had the flowing blonde locks of a flower child, with the bushy handlebar mustache to match. Accessorized by his own dandy red handkerchief, tied daintily around his neck. 

The convergence of art and commercialism. Isn’t that what we’re all striving toward? 

It’s more like a barreling. 

Oh, come on. Take some pride. We’re part of a lineage. Walt Disney, Coco Chanel … fucking [snaps fingers three-x]  … this is going to drive me crazy … who else was I literally just thinking of? 

Dandy Jim had slinked in whilst their heads were turned toward the mural. 

I don’t know … Fucking Elvis. You tell me, Jimmy. You’re the Creative Director. I’m just a brewer. 

Almost more than the new first name, it was the roll call of titles that had stuck in the Mick’s craw.

Listen, I know it’s all a little esoteric … for the likes of you, anyway … but I don’t know … Brewmaster … it just sounded so … status quo. It’s So Good To See You, Michael, by the way. Y Kitty, mi amiga guapisima, te amo. Wow. Michael’s muse … the Brewery Girl, in the flesh. You look stunning. Seriously, girl, you haven’t aged a day. 

What an asshole thing to say to a woman in her late twenties, after not having seen her for only, like, less than two years. Whatever benefit of the doubt she was willing to afford Jaime was rapidly depleting with every Spanglish word he spoke. 

And who are these lovely folks? My sincerest apologies if we’ve already met. Jaime Delano. Welcome … seriously, welcome.

Something about the way Jaime said seriously. He gesticulated his hospitality by bowing at the neck and holding his hands together in self-observance. Where and when did he acquire all these mannerisms? 

Well, J, in point of fact, these are your replacements. Meet Grace and Zeke. 

The Mick wouldn’t normally feel compelled to speak on their behalf, but in this instance he was overcome by a protective instinct. Also, he wanted to remind Jimmy there had been a time, not so long ago actually, before he coronated himself King of Shit Mountain, here. 

Ohh … okayy. Very sick. You guys are learning from the best. And believe you me, being a Newfy alumni goes a long way in this industry, unless you’re Michael and you never leave …  I’m teasing. Genuinely, I feel so much gratitude for having the Newfy as part of my Founder Story. It seems like forever ago, doesn’t it? 

Only been about two years actually. 

Kitty couldn’t resist to reset the record.

Is that all? Time fucking flies. I mean, can you believe how much all this has grown? I’ve actually been meaning to get you guys over here for the full #eXperience. Couldn’t have picked a better night, amirite? So fire.  

Oh yea, fucking totally. So Was that how come you sicked your lawyer dogs on us then? So we’d come see your fireworks show?

By now, the Mick was hot-sweating mad at Jaime, who fanned the flames by pretending not to have the slightest clue why. 

Oh my goodness, y’all. I completely forgot. It’s just been so busy around here. Never a dull moment, you know? Listen, on some real, I’m sorry to have run up on you like that, all litigious and shit. Speaking as a friend, I didn’t mean any malice by it. Just some strategic maneuvering. Kitty, I’m sure you of all people would understand.

Yeah, well, what did you mean by it? Because what it felt to me was about a pretty damn good bushwhacking, Jimmy. 

I know. I know. The optics were less than ideal. But, truly, my hands were tied, dude. Honestly we’ve never collab’d with a music brand of this magnitude legacy and audience reach, not to mention two simultaneously. I mean, who would have thought song licensing would be such a hornet’s nest. Anyway, their people had some concerns that there could be some confusion in the marketplace vis-a-vis I know You Ridah versus Rider, Pale Ale. And since Hank never had it copyrighted … 

Hold on just a goddamn second, man. You know well and good we’ve been out here brewing R,PA long since before any of this bullshit. 

Oh, for sure. But try to understand where I’m coming from is … that it technically doesn’t matter. Who was First, technically. That’s the whole reason there is such a thing as the fast follower advantage.

Demuredly, Dandy Jim shrugged using only the muscles in his face in such a way that made the Mick want to punch it oh so very fucking badly. 

But don’t worry. We’re not going to make you rename or discontinue R,PA or anything. Trust me when I say, player … it’s all good. I would never do a Day One like that. The way the lawyers explained it to me, it’s really just more of a pre-warning, legally speaking. 

I’m sorry? What’s a pre-warning?

You know … a pre-warning … the warning before the warning, legally speaking. Like establishing a trademark precedent, or whatever-the-fuck. Seriously, bro, don’t sweat it. I’m pretty sure they just wanted to prevent any future IP disputes. I might have mentioned that you guys are into the whole Grateful Dead Thing. Speaking for myself, that was never really my wave, as you know. The whole Jamming thing, I mean. Besides, it pains me to say, but rock is played out, dawg. Guitar music in general, actually. 

Dandy Jim spoke with some authority on endangered musical genres. During his brief, wholly unremarkable tenure as the Mick’s assistant brewer, he moonlighted as the backup vocalist and lead bassist of a post-hardcore musical outfit by the name of Some Pulp, a fringe player in the already fringe DIY scene. Upon their breaking up, citing Creative Differences, Jaime embarked further still into the harmonic hinterland on a solo career as quite possibly the world’s only craft beer-centric battle rapper. This under the nom de guerre, Hip Humulus Lupulus. He had invited his at-the-time mentor on more than one occasion to come and see him compete, and as a matter of course the Mick curtly declined. (This despite Kitty urging him to please, relent, and generally to be more congenial with his colleagues, or at the very least courteous.) In truth, Jaime never forgave the Mick for missing the time he narrowly lost his quarter-final matchup to the eventual runner-up finisher, Heavy Flow, who was herself widely credited with breaking the glass ceiling of the old fuccbois club that was competitive battle rapping at that time. (Coincidentally she was also a future acquaintance of Grace.) 

So when they offered me Garcia, I was like cool, cool, whatever. I mean, I feel you. Purely a nostalgia play. Has to be a pass from me, unfortunately. Space ships don’t come equipped with rearview mirrors, you know what I’m saying? But, yo, when they came through with Pac? … I mean, fuck, man. One of the absolute OGs, of the rap game. Know what I’m saying, big dawg? 

Here he was addressing Zeke, who still hadn’t any idea about, nor concern for what this person was saying, because his momentary one true love had at last returned.

Dutifully, she handed Jaime a water bottle and white towel, as if he himself had just finished performing posthumously. 

I pray the homegirl Anna Leigh has been keeping y’all company? Seriously, she’s a fucking rockstar. I’m being serious. The brains of #x_brüing, right here, for real, on some real shit. 

Anna Leigh was her name, and how pretty a name it was. 

Unbeknownst to Zeke, Grace was picking up strong sexual tension flowing in one direction from Jaime to his #eXectuive assistant. This came as a surprise to Grace, because for one thing they looked way too much alike to be sexually compatible. Of course they in the lesbian community had a name for this phenotype: Dopplebanger — [noun] slang term for a gay woman who exclusively dates other women who look like her. (Grace was certainly open to the possibility; although, alas, she hadn’t found anybody pretty as her, as of yet.) For another, Grace was also picking up major Do Me Vibes, being put down in her general direction by way of the lovely Miss Anna Leigh. This would have come at quite a shock to Zeke, who was completely unawares of the homosexual encounter unfolding right before his eyes, as he was currently well on the way convincing himself that he and this person were put Planet Earth solely for each other. For a post-modern man so susceptible to the perils of a work crush, Zeke was at somewhat of a numbers disadvantage, being how women were so woefully underrepresented in the craft beer industry. Grace meanwhile was taking full advantage of a statistical anomaly, how among that relatively small female workforce, gay women indexed considerably higher per capita, than say in the population of duly employed persons at-large. Go fucking figure. 

I don’t get it. Then what was with the Village Person? The cowboy?

Only Kitty could be depended upon to keep this detente on the rails. It cannot be understated, how much she really had to pee. Anna Leigh interjected.

Oh my god, do you mean Carl? Aww … isn’t he just the cutest? He’s an actual dairy farmer. We sell him our spent grain to feed his cows. You guys, we love Carl! Like, actually, I’m obsessed. We thought about hiring like some guy online to do it, but Carl is always asking about odd jobs to earn extra cash so we paid him fifty bucks. How freaking adorable is that? Like can you believe he’s even real? 

Hey Jaime, do you have a banana or energy bar back here I could borrow? 

Anna Leigh was about to offer to order Grace something from the tapas ünit before the Mick interrupted on her behalf.   

No time, G. We’re leaving. There’s a bag of pretzel sticks in the car. Jimmy … what the fuck, man? Do I need to lawyer up here, or are we cool?

Whoa, Michael … relax. Of course, we’re cool, bro. AL, what’s our core value #two at #x_brüing? 

No Assholes Allowed, Jaime. 

Russ used to say assholes are like poetry, but Mick couldn’t remember how come.

You already know, girl. Our douchebag policy is zero tolerance. And best believe that shit’s serious, because we made it our second guiding principle. 

What’s number three? Grace asked. 

Be a Rockstar. Anna Leigh answered. 

What about the first one? This was Zeke asking.

Do the Work, Jaime said with bravado.  

How many are there? Kitty now. 

Seventeen. Anna Leigh again. 

Which is your favorite? The Mick, heat checking.

If I had to choose just one, it’s probably #eleven. Anna Leigh accounted earnestly. Think Macro\Live Micro. It’s all about how innovating — the truly big changes — happen in small increments: microchips, micro-dosing… 

Micro penises. Grace interjected, looking directly at Jaime, who averted her gaze, glancing sheepishly down and to the left. Anna Leigh blushed.

Whelp, that’s our culture. 

And taking you to court would constitute an asshole move, Michael. That’s why I’m not going to do it, even though I’ve been advised by counsel that we have an exceedingly legitimate case. Trust me, you don’t want to see Schuster or Shanker on the plaintiff end of a deposition table. So look man, as a good faith favor to you, I’ll talk to the legal folks and we’ll get this thing squashed. But listen, while I’ve got you here, I was wondering what’s the word on the new production facility.  

Now Kitty could see what this was really about. For a fact, it was so patently obvious, even the Mick could see Jaime’s play. 

Yeah, well, what about it? 

Just that since you broke ground, what’s it been, a year? 

Been about two years, actually. 

Bonus point to Kitty for her attention to detail. 

Two years. Sounds like some serious growing pains. I know that game. 

What’s your angle, Jimmy? 

Mich-ael. Always about that business. That’s what I love about you, my guy. Alright, I’ll hit you with the straight dope. I know you’re taking the L on this. Not to throw any shade, just … well it just so happens that we’re anticipating somewhat of a L of our own. Not that kind of L, because you already know we stay winning. L as in L is for Liquidity, like a liquidity event, projecting by end of fiscal year. So, in the spirit of helping a true ride or die out, let me buy you out. Of the production facility. 

Sold. 

Whoa. Just like that? Are you tripping, Michael? I haven’t even named my price. 

Don’t bother. If it’s enough to recoup whatever Hank had us losing on that deal by a half, you can have the whole goddamn thing. What do you think, Kitty? Can we make it work, in terms of money?

In terms of money? Um, I don’t see why not. 

You hear that, Jim. You got yourself a deal. 

And a halfway-done boondoggle of a buildout, he thought to himself. The Mick exercised the restraint to withhold from gloating. This was the first and best deal he would ever make. All it took was a partner with even less business sense than he had, and boy was Dandy fucking Jim his huckleberry. At that the Mick extended his hand. He was of half a mind to spit in it. Now the tables had turned, and Jimmy was on his back foot, shoeless. 

Hold up, hold up. Let’s slow our rolls for just a sec, Mike. How do I know you’re not trying to play me? It’s not a fucking superfund site, is it? 

I’ll level with you, James. Production, distribution, the whole expansion … that was Hank’s vision. Now that he’s gone, I’d just assume have you see it through. I don’t think Hank would mind and I wouldn’t much care if he did, on of account of his being dead.

Presumably.

Now that you mention it — Hank I mean … well, I’m sorry is all. I was going to say something earlier. Hank was like an uncle to me. Real talk.

The Mick did not acknowledge Dandy’s attempt at contrition. Even if it rang surprisingly true, Hank’s being like an uncle to him. Hell, he was like an uncle to us all. 

K. But I still don’t fully buy this out-of-the-goodness-of-my-heart bullshit. What’s your angle? Wait, wait … don’t fucking tell me. Fuuck, dude. Is this about you finally doing that thing … fucking Spontaneous Fermentation, right? Holy shit … it is, isn’t it? Back on your Belgian bullshit. You’re crazy for that one, Michael. I mean that’s some truly out there stuff. You do you, though, you know what I mean? But for real though, how long are we talking … grain-to-glass? Three years? Even with the whole wild yeast, au natural thing — which don’t get me wrong, it plays, from a branding standpoint— just, it doesn’t scale, is all I’m saying. Brewer to brewer. 

Maybe. But then don’t things have a way of balancing themselves out in the end?

No, I don’t believe they do. 

Kitty reckoned this to be the first true thing Jaime had said, apart from the thing about Hank being like an uncle, which had also resonated with her.

I don’t get you, Michael. Why do you practice brewing, I mean. What’s your Why? Like do you have an exit? An end game? A liquidity event? Maybe you are just Johnny fucking Appleseed, punching a clock — and best of fucking luck with that — but still, I know you’re no fucking dummy, and you’ve been around enough to know in this Beer Shit you’re growing or you’re dying. If you want a dependable career and a steady income, go sell software with those mooks out there. 

Here Jaime was referring to his customer base. Zeke often wondered what it was all these people did when they weren’t hanging out in breweries, drinking six-dollar beers on a Sunday afternoon. Lawyers and doctors were his best guesses. Or maybe they worked at the bank. He couldn’t quite figure. His dad installed drywall, and someday so would he, at least he’d always assumed. Now here he was, the second person in his family to go to college and the first to drop out. A Social Media and Events Coordinator. Sitting in a room where there was no drywall to speak of. 

The Mick answered honestly. 

I don’t know why I make beer, Jim. Just lucky, I guess. Maybe because by now I don’t know how to do anything else. At least not nothing that pays. 

He wasn’t being modest. Really, the Mick didn’t know how to do very much. Brewing was the only steady gig he’d ever had. (Previously he had held down a summer job as a caddie at a local country club, the members of which were rich dickheads to a fucking man. He would entertain himself by performing subtle acts of civil disobedience, such as giving his players too short of yardages on their approach shots.) Jaime on the other hand was a serial career switcher. He was cagey about his pre-beer days, but word was he’d tried his hand at the dramatic arts. Acting. Beside booking a local television commercial for a regional chain of furniture warehouses though, he’d mostly had to settle for print work. When Wade and Winona first heard tell of his male modeling past they took a short intermission from watching Internet videos of hockey fights and dash cam-POV car wrecks to dig up a cheeky, black-and-white photo spread of the then James Dean Delano (the Dean was a bit of a show biz fib … Jaime bore no relation to the late teen icon — his real middle name was Drury, after his maternal grandmother’s maiden). In the picture, a sexy lady was using a vacuum to suck off his t-shirt. She’ll Be Happier … when he helps around the house. Whether or not it rose to meet the standards of irony, the campaign had been intended as a playfully feminist twist on the sexist practice of advertising home goods to housewives in the postwar suburban boom period. Maybe it goes without saying that the reference was lost on the Mick, he who had always happily done the vacuuming in his household. Every couple Sundays he’d get thermo nuclear-stoned, crank up his noise-canceling headphones to eleven and fucking regulate. As chores went, it was one of his most favourite. Ma’am, I assure you, he’d kid to Kitty, holding up the hose. This thing sucks.  

Okay, I see you. I didn’t choose this life, this life chose me, type of thing. Respect, Mick. You know we should collab on something. For Hank.

Wait, what about you? Why do you make beer?

Against her better judgement, Kitty asked Jaime, although she had been genuinely curious. Accompanied by a look that said, well obviously, what else could it be, he responded: 

For the benefit of all mankind. 

Upon hearing this, Kitty legit peed her pants.

[purplenurple777]

BEST DAY EVERRRR

One of the most impactful things that I have taken from this course is that intentionality is integral in leading a happy life. Personally I have held the misconception that happiness just happens to people, that it finds them and falls into their laps like a leaf blowing in the wind or something poetic like that. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes good things just happen and they can be blessings, but we have more power than we think over our own happiness. Learning about all the ways in which I can intentionally be happier is one of the most empowering things I have ever done. This idea is actually what inspired a last minute road trip to my hometown in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida. I was hanging out with Camille and my roommate Madison at my apartment pregaming for a party when we hatched the plan. That Friday the three of us were on i-65 South heading toward the beach. One thing I have always considered my superpower is finding insanely good friends (although dating wise it seems to be the opposite).  I don’t know if it is luck or if I am good at reading people, but in the text Sonya details the many ways in which social relationships are vital. All of this to say that to have the perfect day, I first needed to start with the perfect people. I have been fortunate enough to make many friends throughout my life but the first friend I remember making was Summer. We have known each other since we were five years old, and from kindergarten we have been inseparable. We watched each other grow into teenagers and then adults, and one of the hardest parts of moving was knowing that she was not right down the road anymore. Summer has an apartment in our hometown and when I told her we were coming she took off work for the days we planned to be there.  She had already met Madison and Camille and was so excited to see them too. Now that I have introduced you to my girls, let's get into the best day ever.

We knew we had one full day in FL and wanted to make it count. Madison has seen my hometown before but Camille had never been so I drew up an itinerary to hit all of the best spots. Our journey began at the Donut Hole or “D-Hole” as my friend group from home so lovingly calls it. Their breakfast is soooooo gas. I still haven’t found a better place in Nashville which is like the brunchiest place ever.  I ordered my usual and we all talked, laughed, and chowed DOWN.  After we waddled out of the restaurant it was time to shop. 

I am not even going to pretend I am not a materialistic person who loves to buy clothes and dumb stuff I don’t need. Maybe it’s because I am a taurus, maybe I am just a heinous byproduct of American capitalism, but your girl loves to shop. Our little group of four bopped over to Grand Boulevard for a little retail therapy. This Saturday they just so happened to be hosting a farmers market. Score. We mingled around from booth to booth, chatting with the vendors about their products and their stories. While we were there I remember looking at all of my friends, feeling the sun on my skin, smelling the lotion that one of the vendors had pumped onto my hands. In that moment I can still recall the sense of contentment that enveloped me. Sonya spoke about the importance of savoring in her book. Those who are good at hanging onto good feelings are less likely to experience depression, guilt, and shame. Mindfully appreciating a positive experience can help us to be more resilient when things are not so good. We shopped until we dropped, then hopped back in the car.

As we were driving past different landmarks I pointed them out to Camille and Madison. Summer and I were recounting stories to the girls of our antics growing up. We told them about our funniest memories as we passed certain areas. It was so fun to watch Camille and Madison connect the dots of the things I’d told them about my town and where they actually happened. Once we got to the beach access I was very eager to take off my shoes and walk in the sand. Growing up I took the beauty of my town for granted. My area is really a strip of land tucked between the beach and the bay, it is incredibly rich in biodiversity and overall just stunning. Moving to Nashville it struck me just how otherworldly this area is and how lucky I was to live five minutes away from two huge bodies of water my entire life. I am not religious, but I would consider myself a spiritual person. I believe feeling connected to the earth and the elements is one of the most pure and heavenly experiences to be had by humans. Staring out onto the water I was reminded of my insignificance and impermanence. There are some things that nature can help you to realize, like how small your problems are in the scheme of things and how lucky you are to bear witness to such beauty (even for such a short time). I am fully aware of how cornball that sounds, but looking out into the Gulf of Mexico I felt a peace that had been evading me for quite some time. Spirituality has been shown to be very beneficial for happiness. Sonya claims that those who are spiritual have superior mental health, better coping skills, are less likely to abuse psychoactive substances, and even live longer than non-spiritual people. One of the ways in which Sonya advises those to practice spirituality is to develop an ability to see holiness in everyday things. While the Emerald Coast may not be an ‘everyday thing’ for most people, I grew up around the water. Even so, its beauty will never be lost on me whether I get to see those rolling waves every day or not. 

We walked along the shore, letting the water run over our feet, allowing the breeze to whip our hair and tussle our clothes. Picture a Sandals commercial, that was pretty much what we looked like. Across the street from the beach access was one of my favorite coffee shops, so we stopped in to fuel up. Although the weather was chilly, the coffee was warm in my hands. 

I figured it was about time to visit the fam jam so I drove us over to the house to see my siblings and parents. My brother tackled me when I opened the door, the dogs started barking, the cats scattered, my ten year old sister Katy wrapped herself around one of my legs, all the while the TV was blaring in the background. Ah yes, the sweet sweet chaos I remembered. I caught up with my family, introduced Camille to all the animals, and gave her a tour of the casa de Mathews. Seeing my siblings was bittersweet, because it is always hard to say goodbye. They are like my babies. That night for dinner we all ate at our family restaurant. It was so good to be back at the Crab House. I have worked there every summer since I was twelve. I got to see everyone! Desiree, Natalie, Brent, Nicolai, Tucker, Frannie B, Vicky, Meghan, Manda, Lee, Greg, Thomas, JimBo, Mike….I could go on but you do not know these people so it is irrelevant. It was so nice to catch up and joke with everyone. The sense of community that I have with everyone in the restaurant is one of the most precious things in the world to me. I love them all. 

After we ate dinner we went to one of my favorite clubs and partied like there was no tomorrow. I don’t think that Sonya has any research on the benefits of getting smashed with your friends, but she should probably conduct some.

[stayathomesurveys]

150.

How many people have you liked this year? Just one.

How many pills do you take a day? 4.

Do you have any celebrity crushes? Yeah.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Teleporting or being able to like, change my body/hair/etc on a whim.

Do you put ketchup on top of your French fries or on the side? On the side!

Where did you last sleep other than your house? On a plane, probably.

Where did you get your last bruise from? Hit my knee on my bed frame.

Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single? Sure.

Ever worn something of the opposite sex’s clothing? Yup.

Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Hmm, idk.

How many email accounts do you have? A lot.

Who is the best cook in your family? Idk.

Which baby animal is your favorite? Hmm, kitties maybe :)

Have you ever carved a pumpkin? Yes.

When is the last time you went to a carnival? October, I think. If it counts... it was a fair?

Do you have a favorite glass, cup, or mug? Yeah.

What branch of science interests you the most? Psych.

Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with via text? NIk.

Twitter or Tumblr? Twitter. Tumblr has not been the same since Yahoo bought it years ago lmao.

Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? No.

Favorite YouTuber? Joe Santagato. Jaime French. Bailey Sarian. Kennie JD.

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes.

Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? No.

Do you have any gay family members? Yeah, a cousin.

Was your first kiss romantic? I guess aspects of it could be considered romantic.

What are you most likely to go to jail for? Idk.

Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? My parents.

What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? Idk. Nothing?

How many people has your best friend had sex with? I don’t have any friends.

When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? 2017.

Are you currently “appearing offline” to anybody? No?

What were you for Halloween last year? Nothing.

Do you believe that karma can come back and slap you in the face? Yes.

Have you ever been to Texas? Yes, I used to live in San Antonio. I love it there.

Do your siblings text you? Yes.

Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth? Mhm.

Did your last kiss end up with you and the person doing anything sexual? No.

Who is your ex dating/talking to? One of them is married to a girl he met at work I’m assuming. I don’t know or care lmao.

Who did you last pinky promise with? Idk.

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Yes.

What happened at the last party you went to? The last party I went to was probably that Halloween party in 2017 that I got horribly shitfaced at lmao.

Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying? Yeah.

When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong? I’m getting over a bad cold or sinus infection rn. But last night I was horribly nauseous because it’s a side effect of my medication that I stopped taking for the week that I was sick... so those side effects hit me like a bus yesterday.

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person? Ashly. Yes, sometimes.

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift? No.

What is your least favourite song, by your favourite artist? Idk.

What color is your jewelry box? I have a black and white one.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? No. He is attractive but I’m not like, attracted to him. Lol.

What is your brother/sister’s favorite food? Idk.

Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavour is it? Yes. I have a lot of different flavors. Lemon pound cake, blueberry belgian waffle, chocolate raspberry, chocolate... to name a few.

In your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most? No idea.

Are you afraid of losing the person you like right now? YES.

Does anyone know your Facebook password? Probably.

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? My septum is pierced.

Do you enjoy being outdoors? Yes.

How many times have you been to a zoo? A few.

What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? Idk.

[soul-dwelling]

Do you think that figuring out what one's charachters favorite color, zodiac sign etc is should be looked as superflous or is it the opposite - that not having biographical info like that makes charachters feel like hollow plot devices?

Are we saying “figuring out” in terms of taking guesses as fans, or looking it up in official sources such as official encyclopedias, author’s comments, end-of-chapter/end-of-volume trivia,  etc? 

If it’s fans taking a guess, that is an incredibly large amount of answers you can get, and it’s unlikely all fans will agree. Fans will pick as many different colors as exist, and other fans will pick zodiac signs that seem most similar to the character, or most likely to be the actual date based on evidence from the original text (and that assumes the fictional setting even has the same dating system and the same zodiac system as our real world). 

And if it’s fans taking a guess, no, I don’t think it makes the characters hollow plot devices--but I’ll get to that in a moment. 

Rather, picking out a favorite color or a zodiac sign or a blood type or some other piece of trivia has the potential to enrich a character. It more clearly defines who they are--or, it serves an ironic purpose to define who they are. 

Think about it: if your tough character’s favorite color is pink, maybe that shows a more sensitive nature, or a “gray” area in between the super violence of red blood and white, whether white as innocence and pure goodness or white as absence of morals. 

Or, you come up with an interpretation that a character has a certain blood type because people with that blood type tend to have this personality, and people who are this sign of the zodiac tend to have this personality. 

I don’t think that’s a hollow plot device, any more than how we can see the official content engage in these characterization shortcuts all the time. Look at how long it took My Hero Academia to spell out Toga’s name because doing so would show the kanji and spoil what her superpower really is. 

And that is what I meant when I said I would get to “that” in a moment: I don’t think it makes the characters hollow plot devices, because it’s what creators do all the time. 

But even if this doesn’t make a character a hollow plot device, I do think it can lead to over-thinking a detail. It can become more, “No, I’m doing this, because it makes real-world sense” as opposed to “I am doing this because it just works as a narrative, plot, or characterization shorthand.” It doesn’t matter if to one fan that it doesn’t feel like this should be a character’s favorite color: the creator may have chosen that to communicate some detail about the reader. It doesn’t have to feel right to the reader that a character has a birthdate that you didn’t expect: maybe it has to be this birthdate because it ties into a future birthday party plot the creator has in mind, or foreshadows something we didn’t know about when their parents conceived them. Maybe that zodiac sign is that zodiac sign because the author has something in mind we don’t know. Sometimes the thematic value is more important than what you as one of many members of the audience thinks is correct.

And seeing as this is a Soul Eater fan blog, I’ll give a Soul Eater example, albeit in a roundabout way: Medusa. 

How was she able to enroll as the resident physician at the DWMA without anyone thinking, “ ‘Medusa’? Like the witch Medusa?” 

I mean, the Witch Council knew a witch named Medusa, and the DWMA have a physician named Medusa--and no one at the DWMA put two and two together? 

I have seen fans come up with various explanations. Maybe “Medusa” is a common name? It can’t be any more odd than any other witch name to think she had a connection to witches the DWMA and its members already encountered (even Medusa’s sisters Arachne and Shaula). Nothing says that the DWMA knew the name of every single witch, and Spirit, Stein, and Maka only saw the witch up above, not seeing her well enough to see how much she resembled Medusa. 

But, really, this is silly. It’s as silly as how I see people saying, “So-and-so from Fire Force is probably Medusa’s ancestor because name and power connection!” No. At the end, the name choice and motif is not that it has to make sense: it’s fairy tale logic, it’s child logic, it’s just there to be (as I said about the favorite color, zodiac sign, etc) symbolic. If you as a fan want to trace Medusa’s ancestry back to Huang or Orochi from Fire Force, go for it. If Ohkubo later confirms that is indeed the ancestry, sure, go for it. But the original reason was there just to communicate some detail to the audience: associating Medusa with the mythological figure, whose gaze hides more than you expect; associating Medusa with snakes, often seen as dangerous, hidden, slithering close to the ground and out of sight, associated with sin and temptation and corruption as happens to Stein, Rachel, and Crona.

It is both “not that complicated” (stop making this worldbuilding and genealogical charts) and “very complicated” (it’s symbolic, it foreshadows what comes later).

Seriously, wasting time on who is related to whom is as reductive as “Kilik has to be a descendant of Ogun,” or as much of a stretch as “Viktor is the ancestor of Stein,” or (even if this is canon) as asinine as “Kid totally has Shinra’s face” (NO HE FREAKING DOESN’T) when there is more I think you can get from reading at the level of "why is this here in the story?" Why do both Kilik and Ogun fist-fight? Because it's awesome. Why do both Viktor and Stein have Frankenstein allusions? Because they are both mad scientists. Why does Kid have Shinra's face? He doesn't--Ohkubo just wanted to connect one work to another in the most hamfisted way possible.

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

How many people have you liked this year? It is 10 days into the new year so 0 haha

How many pills do you take a day? One

Do you have any celebrity crushes? Ofc

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Be able to speak every language ever - or if it's the traditional superpowers time travel.

Do you put ketchup on top of your French fries or on the side? On the side 100%

Where did you last sleep other than your house? My family home for christmas

Where did you get your last bruise from? banging into the cabinet under my desk while swinging on my chair

Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single? Sure

Ever worn something of the opposite sex’s clothing? Always

Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Hmm I don't know if I'm that interesting and mysterious for secrets haha

Last CD you blasted through your car stereo? CD? Probably a musical.

How many email accounts do you have? 4

Who is the best cook in your family? My parents have different strengths so I can't say

Which baby animal is your favourite? Seal pup

Have you ever carved a pumpkin? nope.

When is the last time you went to a carnival? Have I ever? Not sure

Do you have a favourite glass, cup, or mug? Yeah TS mug

What branch of science interests you the most? Marine biology

Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes

Twitter or Tumblr? Twitter now I know how to work it

Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? No.

Favorite YouTuber? I suppose Cody and Noel

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? Hmm I don't think so or at least not overtly.

Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? Nope

Do you have any gay family members? Not that I know of

Was your first kiss romantic? Yep

What are you most likely to go to jail for? Probs money laundering

Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? Probably when my auntie came to stay last year.

What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? How is that working out for them

How many people has your best friend had sex with? Unsure, however many she wants

When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? over 2 years ago

Are you currently “appearing offline” to anybody? nope

What were you for Halloween last year? myself, that's the true horror

Do you believe that karma can come back and slap you in the face? ofc

Have you ever been to Texas? Nope.

Do your siblings text you? not really

Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth? ofc

Did your last kiss end up with you and the person doing anything sexual? yep

Who is your ex dating/talking to? No idea and don't care to know

Who did you last pinky promise with? it has been a decade since I pinky promised

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? nope

What happened at the last party you went to? Decided to sleep over but no room at the house and my friends and I were freezing on the floor so I got an uber to another one of my friends and it was a nightmare I was so tired.

Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying? For sure

When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong? I had a sore throat the other day but it has subsided.

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person? I think Edie or Abigail and nope

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift? my mother got me some glasses when I got my eyes tested if that counts haha

What color is your jewelry box? purple

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? don't use fb anymore

What is your brother/sister’s favourite food? yikes I don't know

Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavour is it? Nope :(

In your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most? I barely understand me lol I would not expect someone else to haha

Are you afraid of losing the person you like right now? No one on my mind like that so I'm safe for now

Does anyone know your Facebook password? Don't think so

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? Nope

Do you enjoy being outdoors? I do.

How many times have you been to a zoo? Handful of times, no more than 10 in my lifetime

What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? They're probs some things about my family that I won't talk about

[suckitsurveys]

How many people have you liked this year? One, my husband.

How many pills do you take a day? None.

Do you have any celebrity crushes? Oh BUDDY are you new here?? I have a LIST, lol.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Teleporting would be nice.

Do you put ketchup on top of your French fries or on the side? On the rare occasion I do use ketchup, it’s on the side.

Where did you last sleep other than your house? My dad’s I believe.

Where did you get your last bruise from? Being a clumsy bitch.

Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single? Yeah?

Ever worn something of the opposite sex’s clothing? Yes, a lot.

Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Of course.

Last CD you blasted through your car stereo? Yikes this is old. The last album I played in my card through spotify was Father of the Bride by Vampire Weekend.

How many email accounts do you have? Two. One for work and one personal one.

Who is the best cook in your family? My husband.

Which baby animal is your favorite? Kittttttiesssssss.

Have you ever carved a pumpkin? Yes, at least one every Halloween.

When is the last time you went to a carnival? This past October.

Do you have a favorite glass, cup, or mug? Yeah. It’s a mug with bats on it.

What branch of science interests you the most? Sociology/Physiology.

Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yeah.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with via text? Sarah.

Twitter or Tumblr? I really only use Tumblr for this shit.

Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? No.

Favorite YouTuber? Bunny Meyer aka Grav3YardGirl. I haven’t watched her in a while but she’ll always be my favorite. Oh and Mamrie Hart.

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah.

Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? That’s mean.

Do you have any gay family members? Yes.

Was your first kiss romantic? No.

What are you most likely to go to jail for? Nothing because they never catch me. Ain’t nobody gunna catch me.

Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? My niece, Althea.

What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? I’d have no way of finding out since I have no contact with any of them. But good for them?

How many people has your best friend had sex with? I don’t know.

When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? Over 10 years at this point.

Are you currently “appearing offline” to anybody? I’m actually appearing offline on Teams right now lol.

What were you for Halloween last year? This past year I was a Rockford Peach and the year before that I was Ash Wednesday. I’m glad I finally executed the latter when I did because I can’t imagine trying to find a Wednesday dress this upcoming Halloween...

Do you believe that karma can come back and slap you in the face? KARMA’S A RELAXING THOUGHT, PANCHO EN FIESTA POR YOU IT’S NOT

Have you ever been to Texas? Nope.

Do your siblings text you? Yeah.

Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth? Uh huh.

Did your last kiss end up with you and the person doing anything sexual? Nope.

Who is your ex dating/talking to? Again, I wouldn’t know, nor do I care.

Who did you last pinky promise with? I’m pretty sure it was one of my nieces.

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Nope. She’s 9 years older than me and my parents recognized that’s not fair to make a pre-teen share a room with a toddler. When I was born, my family lived in a 3 bedroom apartment, but one of the rooms was very small, very cold in the winter and hot in the summer, and had a balcony off of it--aka not fit for a kid and not big enough for my mom and dad. So for a little while I slept in their room and my sister had her own room. When I got to be a toddler, they gave my sister their room, I took over my sister’s old room, and they opted for the couches in our living room. It only lasted a year or so and then we moved into the 4 bed house where my family currently lives and my sister and I (as well as my mom and dad) were able to have our own rooms there as well.

What happened at the last party you went to? That would be our family’s Christmas Eve party at my dad’s. We ate food and exchanged presents, along with lots of talking and catching up with cousins.

Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying? Of course I have.

When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong? I felt a little nauseous last night.

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person? A girl named Liz. We still follow each other on social media but we aren’t really close anymore.

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift? My socks.

What is your least favourite song, by your favourite artist? That changes all the time bro.

What color is your jewelry box? Red.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Very much so. That’s my husband.

What is your brother/sister’s favorite food? You know what, I’m not sure? Maybe oysters? I’ll have to ask her when I see her next.

Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavour is it? I have old popcicles if that counts lol.

In your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most? Mark and Sarah.

Are you afraid of losing the person you like right now? I mean, not like, actively afraid, no, but I don’t want to lose him.

Does anyone know your Facebook password? Yes.

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? I usually hate that piercing but I keep thinking about it honestly. I want something else pierced and that might be what I end up doing.

Do you enjoy being outdoors? I do.

How many times have you been to a zoo? I would say, as a rough estimate, probably like 30 or more times? Chicago has a free zoo, so it’s something I remember doing a lot growing up, and our grade school would take field trips there was well because it was so close to the school. I’m sure I went a couple of times in high school, and in college too, with friends. Then when my nieces were born we took them as well. It was usually a summer activity, but recently we started going in the Fall for their Fall Fest and in the Winter for Zoo Lights, so I know I’ve been more than once a year a few times. I’ve also been to Brookfield and the Memphis Zoo a handful of times total as well.

What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? I guess it more depends on the mood I am in.

[survey--s]

424.

How many people have you liked this year? Just the one.

How many pills do you take a day? I don’t regularly take any, but I’ve been taking a couple of herbal sleeping tablets recently as I was struggling to get to sleep.

Do you have any celebrity crushes? Yeah, Johnny Depp.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be? To have an unlimited amount of money.

Do you put ketchup on top of your French fries or on the side? On the side, ‘cause I like having the choice over whether I have ketchup with them or not.

Where did you last sleep other than your house? Uhh, Tracey’s house when I did a house-sit last month.

Where did you get your last bruise from? Walking into the babygate at Jade’s house before the holidays.

Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single? Of course it is.

Ever worn something of the opposite sex's clothing? Sure.

Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Sure.

Last CD you blasted through your car stereo? I was listening to Dolly Parton’s newest album in the car yesterday, but via my iPod. I haven’t played a CD in a car for years lol.

How many email accounts do you have? Two, but the second is just back-up one.

Who is the best cook in your family? My mum’s older sister, for sure. She’s incredibly talented and can seemingly make amazing meals out of nothing every time, lol.

Which baby animal is your favorite? Puppies, penguins, kittens, monkeys.

Have you ever carved a pumpkin? No.

When is the last time you went to a carnival? Uh, pre COVID for sure.

Do you have a favorite glass, cup, or mug? All our glasses are the same, but my favourite mug is white with multi-coloured polka dots. it’s the perfect size and thickness lol.

What branch of science interests you the most? Physics. Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Sure, all the time for university. 10-15 pages was standard once you’d included the index and all the references lol.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with via text? Probably Suzanne but it wasn’t very interesting, I was just trying to plan my diary ready for when I go back to work on Tuesday.

Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr. Twitter is just a cesspit of hate.

Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? Nope.

Favorite YouTuber? I don’t watch any YouTubers.

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? Hmm, I wouldn’t say he was controlling, no.

Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? No. I remember getting one when I was about fourteen though and even then I thought it was a truly shitty thing to do.

Do you have any gay family members? Yeah, my dad’s sister is gay. 

Was your first kiss romantic? Not really. We were eleven, lol.

What are you most likely to go to jail for? Hurting someone who hurt my dog. < --- yep, definitely this lol.

Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? Nobody sleeps over here, we don’t have the space.

What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? A couple of them are lol. Not sure what that says about me, hahah.

How many people has your best friend had sex with? I’ve never asked him that question, it’s not really any of my business.

When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? About a year ago.

Are you currently “appearing offline” to anybody? No.

What were you for Halloween last year? Nothing.

Do you believe that karma can come back and slap you in the face? No, I don’t believe in karma, but I do think if you make shitty decisions, they’ll eventually come back and bite you somehow.

Have you ever been to Texas? No. I have no desire to either.

Do your siblings text you? I don’t have any siblings. I very occasionally text my sister-in-law.

Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth? Sure, all the time. I look at loads of random crap on Google Earth lol.

Did your last kiss end up with you and the person doing anything sexual? No.

Who is your ex dating/talking to? According to his Facebook, he’s single.

Who did you last pinky promise with? I have no idea.

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? I don’t have any siblings.

What happened at the last party you went to? I don’t go to parties, lol.

Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying? Sure.

When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong? I felt like I was getting a cold a few days ago, but it never turned into anything and I feel fine now, so I think it was probably just post-Christmas laziness and a a lack of sleep making me feel rubbish.

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person? Linnet. Yeah, we spoke for a bit on my birthday but we’re really not close anymore. We never fell out or anything, our lives just went in totally different directions.

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift? Yeah, my wedding/engagement rings.

What is your least favourite song, by your favourite artist? I can’t think of anything specific.

What color is your jewelry box? Dark brown.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Nope. She’s my riding instructor, lol.

What is your brother/sister’s favorite food? Yet again, I don’t have any siblings.

Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavour is it? We do - coffee and chocolate flavoured ones.

In your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most? Mike.

Are you afraid of losing the person you like right now? I’d hate to lose him but it’s not really something I ever worry about.

Does anyone know your Facebook password? Mike does technically as it’s the same as my Prime password.

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? No.

Do you enjoy being outdoors? Yeah, as long as the weather is good and I’m doing something I enjoy.

Gay marriage: love is love or a horrible stand against God? Love is love.

How many times have you been to a zoo? Loads. I used to be absolutely obsessed with the zoo when I was younger. What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? I don’t tend to discuss politics because it always ends in an argument.

[frelsy]

My Superpower

I have noticed one pattern in me. I have a vivid imagination, and whatever I imagine will happen, inevitably the opposite always happens. It is almost like having superpowers to predict the future, but the opposite will happen to what I predict. For example, if I am super excited about a date, and this guy has texted me that he is going to come pick me up, now, and I get changed and excited about what conversations to have and where to go, the guy won’t show up. (Happened just yesterday). If I am excited my friend will move to the city I moved to, and become my neighbor, and we will have the best of times, his travel plans will get cancelled. The opposite has also happened. If I imagine my trip is cancelled the day the flight is, and I imagine in my head how to shamefully narrate this to my friends, that trip will end up not getting cancelled. But if I imagine something purposely, and hoping that the opposite happens, it wont work. It is almost like I cannot control it but I can predict it. This weird example has also happened. I had wanted something to happen so much that I knew it wont, and because I imagined being defeated, it actually happened. Now the problem is, I am always unprepared for the things that end up happening. Ya, sure, I saw it coming because I imagined the opposite, but that is not how limited capacity brains work, right. I cannot imagine bot opposite situations to the same extent. And so the one I don’t, the one I don’t think “Ooo it would be so cool when this happens” or I don’t have the hunch that it will happen. 100% of the times that will be the outcome.

So, I guess I am stuck here with it. And I cannot help myself with it. Except getting disappointed every time. Now I can maybe help a friend out, thinking they'd be a failure and they'd turn out to be a success. But that's it. I cannot help myself with it.