#thankfully I didn’t really regress a lot

[noxcaelestia]

wip 🏹

[littledollll]

hey sweetheart :'3 I was wondering if you were taking request. If you are would you be open to do a Lucifer x little angel reader. I just love your little fic if these and I'm always looking for more if them. I think I've read them all tho. So my idea was that maybe Lucifer and reader could have a fight I'll let you decide why. Then reader decide to go hide from Lucy and our favorite god starts panicking and all. Over all just really cute stuff 😊😊💖 Thank you for reading and have a nice day bby💕

The Gardens

Lucifer Morningstars x Little!angel!reader

A/n: man i just hope this is half decent. Got a little motivated to write about this idea when I got the request which made me very excited! I rarely let us see when R isn’t regressed which is kinda the point? But I think insights like this are really fun to write! (May 6)

A/n pt 2.: finishing this July 21 at 3am, where did I go wrong? I’m so sorry I took so damn long it’s insane bc i don’t even notice time passing. I was looking back at my old fics and noticed I’m always writing R going to sleep? I love that cuz some of my friends actually call me “sleepy” because apparently I’m always tired. (I am)

Warnings: a little arguing, Lucifer says some hurtful things, not much else. Just some sweet fluff after the hurt.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Im the judge here. I alone decide the punishments and how souls will be handled. You might be my partner but you hold no power over me or hell. These are not your decisions to make or have a say on.” It was an angry spew of words. Lucifer doesn’t like having their authority challenged and you were the one person who could do that. For the first time, your own opinions were voiced in their work, and Lucifer didn’t seem willing to listen or like it at all.

Never in your time living in hell had you and Lucifer clashed about something so much.. it hurt, not to be ironic but it hurt like hell. Lucifer had never spoken to you in such a way. Never before had they used their intimidation tactics on you.

Lucifer being unnecessarily stubborn didn’t help at all, as they refused to actually listen to your opinion or swallow their pride and compromise. Or simply speak to you like an equal. Their words almost stung. “You have no power here.” That’s what they meant. And you couldn’t bear to listen anymore or even respond after that.

After a certain point you just gave up and walked away, leaving whatever they were about to spit back, in the dust, mid-sentence, and then ending up with a confused shocked expression. No one gets to just walk away from The Devil.

The worst part was that you wanted to run to them. As if words and a voice laced with venom hadn’t just been thrown in your face. As if they’d protect you even from their own self. They’ve always been your safe space, your comfort.. but you couldn’t, not today, not after your argument.

At first they were fine with you just walking away. They admit to being stubborn and hard to talk to.. everyone needs a little space to think sometimes, right? But then hours and more hours passed and you still refused to show.. it’s like you were hiding from them. There’s nothing Lucifer hated more than the thought of that. Did they really mess up that badly? That you, the most forgiving and lovely being they’ve ever met, simply refused them?

They couldn’t possibly leave it like that. Let you believe they think regularly of you, like you aren’t the most important being in their life, like you aren’t their special angel. So settling their pride aside accompanied with a bit of anxiety, they set out to find you.

You had gone to your safe space.. hiding away physically and mentally, letting your much calmer but also a lot sadder, little self take control.

Lucifer searched high and low for you, all around the palace, going as far as to actually ask for help looking. And thankfully it occurred in their mind that there was always one place you went when you seek comfort, and that was the little hidden gardens of the palace.

And there you were. Quietly sitting by their most recently planted flowers, daisies in fact. They always claimed those flowers suited you perfectly, not just the look, but the meaning. Which included purity, innocence, new beginnings, joy and cheerfulness. All things they saw in you. All things they loved about you. But of course there’s more, so much more that they love.

“My angel..” their voice was a complete contrast to their earlier attitude. Cautious as they approached you but still with a rush to have you close. Lucifer was unsure you’d ever forgive them, but there was no way you could possibly resent them, maybe you should have, but it wasn’t in your heart to reject them, so you let them approach without scurrying away.

Lucifer got down to your level, kneeling down on the floor and holding their hands out for you, which you immediately took, being pulled into a tight hug, their wings wrapping around you, effectively hiding you from the world just because they knew you loved it so much. They pressed a kiss to your forehead before hugging you close again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my sweet angel…”

Not knowing how to respond, you nodded just a little as you nuzzled close to their shoulder, basking in the warmth and comfort of their hug. “I should’ve never said that.. never. And I promise you I didn’t mean a single word of it. I’m.. I’m in no way excusing myself, and my awfully hurtful words- but I’m just not used to this, angel..”

You could understand that.. there’s no being of higher power here in hell, even in the universe actually, no one but them and the very God that created and banished them. They’re not used to being challenged or disagreed with, and ever the sinner they are also quite prideful, even as an angel. “I’ve done this alone for so long.. of course there’s other lords.. and Mazikeen. But not even they step in when it comes to my decisions, and when you did- I felt questioned. Which I recognize should be much more frequent than it is, but it’s a new thing, and I responded very wrongly to it.”

Not for a moment did the soft tone leave their voice, a mere whisper as they hugged you and refused to let go. They’d apologize for eternity if you so requested it. But even in your headspace you could appreciate them taking accountability, and recognizing that it was wrong. Not just that it caused a bad reaction from you. “I’m working on it, I promise. Your opinion does matter to me, In whatever situation, your voice matters to me.”

It hurt, of course it hurt. But Lucifer is always sincere in their word, and they were willing to work together, that’s all that mattered to you. So you quite adorably mumbled out a little, ‘I forgive’, as you rest your chin on their shoulder. And Lucifer couldn’t be happier. “Thank you, my sweet angel.. but also, you can’t hide away from me like that, tiny. You had me running all over the palace looking for you like a maniac!” They said in a more playfully, less serious tone as they chuckled.

“Let’s make a deal, yeah?.. if anything of the sort ever happens again, can I trust that you’ll be in your little room? Even if we’re a little upset at each other I always want to know that you’re safe. I understand needing a moment to decompress and think, that certainly helped me a lot today. But I’d just like to know you’re safe and that we can talk when we’re ready to, how does that sound?” You giggled as their voice took a more playful tone and you nodded, moving away a little to look at them, an adorable little smile painted on your face. “Deals!!” You said, rather excited despite the topic.

Of course you were aware that it was indeed quite possible to run into more arguments and disagreements like this, and even more that you’d slip. But knowing how much they care for you and love you, how much they worry and want you to be safe was quite reassuring that no matter what problems you ran into there wasn’t a thing you couldn’t surpass with just a little talking and cuddles.

They nodded, placing a soft kiss on your temple and deciding just then to take a moment and sit outside with you, which was rare, for reasons neither you or they could quite place. “It’s a deal then..” they replied with a soft tone, and you could hear their smile as they spoke. It was surprisingly quiet, oddly peaceful being out here with you. They scolded themselves for not doing this sooner and made a mental note for next times.

Of course your regression was still a secret and hell can be a dangerous place but the gardens are safe enough, specially with Lucifer and your hound friend who always stayed near. After a few moments, your voice interrupted their train of thought. “luci likes birdies?” The question seemingly came out of nowhere which made them chuckle a bit. “I do. What’s going on in that cute little mind of yours to ask me that, sweet one?” Their tone was obviously amused.

“No birdies in hell! Want one.. like morphi!” It seems your mind was running elsewhere, curiosity of things you always wanted to question but didn’t. “You could have one.. how about a dove? Just like you are my little dove.” Lucifer smiled and placed a little kiss on the tip of your nose, making you giggle and shy away. You were quick to nod and respond with a slight tone of awe. “Dovs pretty!”

“As are you!” Lucifer was never one to make spur of the moment decisions.. well- not at least until you came along. But how could they ever say no to you? The little angel wants a hound and a dove, so let’s get them a hound and a dove. Lucifer sighed, not in an upset manner nor exhaustion. More so in content, amused with themselves for being so susceptible to you. “Well then. Looks like my little dove is getting their own..”

[immeasurablesaladagere]

Hellor!!

I was wondering if you can bless us with some little chase who has ADHD struggling to deal with over/under-stimulation and caregiver house happily helping him true it ?

(Would be really nice if you also include little Cameron and foreman helping as well)

Thanks!!!—💎⚜️✨

Yaaayy little!Chase fic :) Fun fact: the first fanfic I ever wrote and published online was about sensory overload (it's long gone now, lol). Gosh I've improved a lot since then.

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Word Count: 1539

Summery: House is looking after a regressed Chase, Cameron, and Foreman during a playdate when everything starts to become too much for Chase.

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Allison squealed excitedly as she placed a plastic tiara on Foreman’s head. “Eeee! You’re so pretty now!”

Foreman chuckled, humouring her, and straightened it. The little plastic combs meant to keep it in place didn’t work on his bald head, so the crown balanced precariously. “Why am I the princess again?”

“Because someone has to be, and I’m the knight already! Robbie, are you sure you don’t wanna play kingdoms?”

Chase glanced up from his colouring page. He really didn’t. Ally’s games of pretend were fun, and if she had asked an hour ago he would’ve agreed to play even if that meant he had to be a princess, but now everything was just too loud. He wished that she didn’t want to play at all, but he knew that wasn’t fair for her to have to stop having fun because of him. Besides, Foreman was big-brother today, so he didn’t feel too bad. “I’m sure. I don’t wanna play with you guys, I just wanna colour.”

She huffed. “Fine, but you’re missing out!” 

He tried not to listen to them as they began talking loudly about the kingdom they were in and the evil wizard coming to capture the princess, pressing one hand against his ear while he used the other to shade in the octopus he was colouring. He wished that Ally liked quieter games. But it wasn’t just Ally and Foreman; everything was too noisy, and it was making him upset. He could hear the air conditioner, and the fridge rattling as House moved around in the kitchen to make them an afternoon snack, and the terrible sound of his crayons scratching against the paper, which made his teeth hurt.  

“Okay kiddies, come and get it!” House announced, presenting a big plate of snacks and three drinks; two sippy cups of orange juice for Chase and Ally, and a big-kid cup of apple juice for Foreman.

“Yay, snacks!” Ally exclaimed, and grabbed a handful of animal crackers and fruit. Foreman took a few squares of cheese, and Chase took a few grapes and nibbled on them slowly.

The sound of Ally chewing made his skin feel itchy. “Ally, don’t eat with your mouth open.” He scowled, “It’s gross.”

She looked a little hurt at his tone, and Foreman raised his eyebrows. Maybe that was a little too mean. “Okay, sorry…” 

He awkwardly went back to his colouring. Thankfully she didn’t seem to be upset for long, and she dragged Foreman back to continue their game after eating most of the animal crackers and strawberries. 

“You doing okay there, pipsqueak?” House asked, not loud enough for Foreman or Ally to hear, and Chase nodded.

“Mhm.”

House gave him a strange look, then shrugged and turned to go back to the kitchen. “Alright. Let me know if you guys need anything.”

It got harder and harder to focus on his picture as Ally and Foreman’s game got louder and louder. It was bad enough that even House had to ask them to play a little quieter, and that worked for a little bit, but they just got loud again. Chase’s hands were almost shaking, he was so frustrated. Every time Ally shrieked or laughed it made his ears hurt and his skin crawl, and he had already snapped two crayons by accident because he was pressing too hard on the paper. He wanted to shout at them for being so loud, to throw his crayons and rip up the paper, but he knew that only naughty kids did that. He wasn’t going to be naughty, he told himself, he wasn’t going to be—

Ally gasped, and suddenly his shirt and lap were drenched in something cold and wet. Her eyes were wide, toy sword outstretched mid-swing, and Foreman’s cup of apple juice was knocked over, spilling all over him, his picture, and the table. At first he just sat there, too stunned to react, and then he felt his wet clothes shift against his skin. He snapped.

“ALLY!” He yelled. His picture was ruined, his clothes were covered in juice, and when it dried he was going to be all sticky and disgusting, and everything felt awful and he wanted it off, he wanted everything to be quiet. 

“Robbie, I—“ Ally tried to reach out towards him and he smacked her hand away.

“Get away from me!” Everything felt sharp. He couldn’t decide between pressing his hands to his ears and never taking them off and trying to get the feeling of wet fabric away from him. He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a muffled scream through his teeth. Get off, get off, go away, he wanted everything to go away.

An unsteady set of footsteps approached him, which meant House was there. He clamped his hands over his ears. No, please go away. No more people, no more.

“What’s wrong with him?” Ally asked nervously.

“Robbie.” House was talking very softly. “Take a deep breath.”

He sucked in a breath and forced it out, cringing as his damp shirt moved against him.

“Good. Another one.”

The next try was slower, and after a few more, the buzzing under his skin began to go away. It was still there, but he didn’t feel like screaming anymore. He slowly opened his eyes to see House half-knelt in front of him and Ally and Foreman watching anxiously over his shoulder. 

“There you go. Allison, get Robbie’s change of clothes from his bag and Foreman, can you get me my headphones? They’re on the kitchen table.” They both nodded and rushed off, and House stood up. “You, come with me.”

He slowly waddled after House to the bathroom, where House handed him a washcloth. “Cover that in warm water, take your clothes off and wash yourself off so you won’t be sticky, and then you can change into your other clothes.” He instructed quietly, “…Do you need any help?”

Chase’s cheeks burned. “No.”

Ally and Foreman came up and handed over the clothes and headphones, and House sent them back to the living room. He put everything down on the bathroom counter and pointed to the headphones. “Those will make everything less loud. Don’t let them get wet, Papa House needs them back.”

He nodded, and was left to his own devices. He shedded his soaked shirt and shorts and began wiping off the juice. The more he started to calm down, the more shame he felt. He’d been naughty. He’d just thrown a wobbly because Ally spilled juice on him, and she didn’t even do it on purpose. He changed into his old adult clothes and then hesitantly slid the headphones over his ears.

The background noises went away. There was no more talking, no more fan, no more apartment sounds, and the knot in his chest began to unwind. He took a big, deep breath, and left the bathroom.

When he came into the living room, House was on the couch and Foreman was reading a picture book to Ally on the floor, their dress-up toys put away in the bin.

“Is that better?” House asked. He sounded funny with the headphones, like he was underwater. Chase nodded. “Good. We’re going to have quiet time for a bit, you can put your wet clothes in here.” He handed him a plastic grocery bag. 

He put the clothes in the bag and dropped them by the door, then wandered over to the toy bin. He didn’t really feel like playing or reading; he wanted something to cuddle. He carefully sifted through it until he found the big stuffed bear, Teddy, at the bottom. Who left Teddy down there? He was probably really lonely all by himself. He pulled Teddy out and was about to go sit on the couch when he made eye contact with Ally. He quickly looked away.

“M’sorry for yelling at you…”

“I’m sorry for spilling the juice on you an’ being loud,” She said earnestly, “I didn’ know you weren’t feeling good.”

He shrugged bashfully. “S’okay.”

With apologies said and all right with the world again, Chase climbed onto the couch and curled up, hugging Teddy close to his chest. Teddy was soft, and he was tired. He tucked his face against Teddy’s fur, and he felt light and very, very small.

“House? I think Robbie’s really little.” Foreman said, pointing.

House smirked. “I think you might be right. Can I get a number?” He asked.

He had to think about it for a second before lazily holding up three fingers.

Ally cooed. “Awe, he’s just a baby!” She exclaimed, then her eyes went a little wide. “Sorry, I mean awe, he’s just a baby.” She whispered.

“You’re right, he is, and I think it’s time for the baby to take a nap.” House said, turning to grab the blanket thrown over the back of the couch and draping it over him.

Foreman got up and walked over to Chase’s bag, digging through it until he pulled out a yellow pacifier. He came back and held it up to him. “Do you want this?”

Chase easily accepted it and snuggled back up against Teddy, eyes slipping closed.

...

“…Can we play kingdoms again if we’re really, really quiet?”

[shhtickerbook]

Wonka Found Family CG headcanons!

These are my individual CG headcanons for each of the “scrub crew” caregiving to a regressed Willy Wonka. I’m planning to continue my fanfiction, in which over time they would find out about the chocolatiers regression. But I can’t wait to share each of their different ways of caring for the little that they love so very much.

Abacus Crunch:

Abacus is one of Wonkas Primary caregivers, it was he who first discovered about his regression, so they have a very close bond. Willy also had zero father figure in his life, his own having left before he was even born.

Abacus is also one of the only people that Willy trusts with a problem he has at night sometimes. His room was thankfully next to his at Scrubbits, Abacus promising that at any time he can just knock on his door and he will help take care of any damp sheets. Usually when this happens Willy needs a lot of comfort and help cleaning up, which abacus is more than happy to do so.

Piper Benz:

When Willy is little and Piper is around, you can be sure that she will have already commandeered him onto her hip. She adores carrying him around, as the chocolatier is rather lightweight. Loving to carry him about whilst she works, explaining and teaching him about how each mechanic works.

Lottie Bell:

At first Willy was a little apprehensive of being regressed around Lottie. Not for any terrible reason, just there was just something about her that reminded him of mamma. But when she took care of him one night, he felt more than comfortable around her. Although she was very quiet when they first met, one thing Lottie loves to do is sing. She especially loves to sing lullabies to Willy, her soft voice soothing him so, and often to sleep.

Noodle:

At first Willy wasn’t sure about sharing his regression with Noodle. After all, he has been the one to take care of her, being her big brother. He didn’t want to change that relationship they had. But when Noodle eventually found out (by accident) she was alright with it after a little explanation. Noodle isn’t so much of a caregiver, but more of a babysitter / big sibling sometimes. She likes to continue her lessons with him, but a little more simplified. ABCS, shapes and colours!

Larry Chucklesworth:

whilst Larry’s standup comedy routines aren’t the most successful with his adult audience, it doesn’t really take too much to make little wonka laugh. He is his best audience, silly voices, peekaboo and more. Larry loves to entertain the little, and even practice new material.

[opinated-user]

Lily (and Ginger) commenting on how much she’s grown…

Growth? What growth?? She’s seems to be the exact same person she was before? Am I missing something?

Is it because she’s had a lot of shit thrown on her this year and she didn’t break down? Things like her sister calling her out on the fact she r**ped her, or YouTube videos made about her and how toxic she is?

Since enough people caught on on how awful she is, she gets more hate, but her “powering through it” and not taking accountability counts as growing?

Is she…a child? What part of anything that’s happened this year considered growth? Sounds more like regression to me.

i don't know about you, but i don't really take the judgement of the fan that was groomed since they were 15 as unbiased objective fact about the person that groomed them in her 20s. let's remember for a second that none of us is LO's friend (thankfully) or are in close relationship with her, so it's possible that there are some sign of growth that we aren't privy to because of that. having said that... from what i have seen, LO has been willing to show and even the things that LO has slipped without fully intending to.... i don't see either what growth either of them is supposedly refering to. this year alone LO has doxxed an artist for copyrighting a video of MO after she used their fanart without permission, lied about having had cancer to try to distract people from child molestation coming from her real life sibling, to whome she quickly turned to accuse of being responsible for the CSA she suffered despite being a 6 year old child. she has lied about the sexual history of Brittany to pathetically include herself on it like a loser creep. she is currently enabling the rapist of Sunny because he dared to call her out for racism. she has ignored every warning possible about an actual child predator cozying up in her community that she knows includes vulnerable people. she is defending the rapist of Courtney just for a chance to prey on her niece and nephew.

she has taken zero responsibility for anything wrong she has ever done, including the plagiarism, and in fact she has double down to say that she "has never done a damn thing wrong my entire life."

if i was really needing to come out with something, then i guess at least she's not yelling insults to anons as frequently as she did before. but she should have never done that in the first place, and in that post i shared she still blames the people affected by her abusive violent behavior of being "stubborn" and not aknowledging her growth, and she never uttered the words "i shouldn't have done that, i'm sorry", so i'm not actually taking that as a sign of anything but LO being the same insecure, vindictive, spiteful, horrible person that i have known her as for years now.

[beedlemania]

I know you sent me a davybaby ask so long ago and i’ve been so so busy this summer with work and getting ready for school, i just haven’t felt like using my brain im so sorry 😭

but now I have davybaby thoughts and I need to get them out!!

mike and davy go out to the store together one day (micky’s staying at his mom’s because his sister’s are down and peter had wanted to go out and play his banjo in front of the local movie theater, so mike was home with davy and decided then was a good time to get the grocery shopping done) and davy had been feeling little on-and-off, mostly at home because it’d suddenly become part of their routine but at this point he’s still pretty embarrassed that he feels little, but at home mike makes him feel safe and loved so he lets himself have it.

anyway, they walk past a shelf of toys and davy spots this little red and green stable with ten toy horses and suddenly he gets so excited about it but he’s pretty embarrassed that he’s getting so excited by a kids toy so he lets it pass and they keep on walking.

but davy can’t stop thinking about it and as they keep going through the store he worries someone is going to see it and buy it, but he feels a bit guilty because he doesn’t want to take a toy away from an actual kid, but he tries his best to ignore his feelings.

they circle back around a couple of times and davy can’t help but peer down the aisle where the toys were to check if the stable is still there. at one point mike sees him glancing over to that aisle and makes note of it in his head but they keep walking on since davy doesn’t say anything.

eventually davy starts biting on the nail of his thumb and mike asks if he’s okay and davy nods that he is. mike gives his shoulder a small squeeze and keeps a hand on davy’s back and they keep going through the store.

eventually they’ve picked up most of what’s on their list. they walk past the toy aisle and almost pass it and davy finally can’t help it anymore and tugs on mike’s sleeve and quickly points behind him toward the toy aisle. he’s rubbing his bottom lip with the nail of his thumb and his eyes are big and nervous. he doesn’t know how mike will react because they already have so much to get and davy doesn’t really know if he should act little outside of the pad. mike glances behind him and suddenly it clicks that there’s toys down there and so he swings the cart around and they go look.

davy runs over to the horse stable (that’s thankfully still there!) and grabs it and dashes back over to mike all excited but still with a bit of nervousness cause mike could say no. but mike knows davy doesn’t have a lot for when he regresses, mainly just his blanket and the few stuffed animals that belong to peter that pete will let davy cuddle with so he smiles and goes “you want this?” and davy nods and mike goes “okay babe!” (he quickly flips the stable over to see the price as he pulls davy in for a little hug just in case but he’s relieved to find it’s not too much)

and so davy gets his horses! i didn’t mean to start writing a novel. i wasn’t gonna describe everything in detail but it just kept happening lol!

so many thoughts !! <3

This is so adorable!!!

They put it on the check out to pay for it and Davy immediately starts looking around all conspicuously like he’s trying to be nonchalant and be like “whaaaa for me? You must be joking!” Because the cashier is pretty but it just makes everyone more suspicious.

Mike doesn’t let him play with it in the car because it wouldn’t be practical and Mike really doesn’t want to find a toy horse randomly so when they get to the Pad Davy sprints inside to play with it and Mike is left to his own devices to bring in the shopping. When Micky and Peter get home they’re curious as to what Davy’s playing with but every time they get too close Davy wraps himself around it and glares at them. Mike knows he should be having a sharing talk with him but he resigns to let Davy at it for at least a day because it’s his first toy, he’s allowed to be protective. Mike also knows that by tomorrow Davy will be asking someone to play with him so it’ll all work itself out.

Davy eventually comes to having a favourite horse which he takes with him everywhere. It eats with him, takes baths with him, and sleeps with him. Davy says goodnight to each of his horses every night and Mike is still trying to figure out if it’s a cute thing Davy does or if he’s trying to stall bedtime.

Eventually, in a typical monkee romp, the stable ends up getting broken and Davy’s devastated. He cries for hours because now his horses have no where to live (hes crying because this was his first toy all for him and now it’s gone). The guys all pitch in their extra cash to get him a new one because they know how much it means to him, its not just a toy it’s Davy’s in a house where everything is shared and its a symbol that the guys are okay with him regressing because deep down Davy will always need reassurance that they don’t mind, but of course the toy is sold out. They search everywhere in town but its been so long since they bought it that it’s no longer being sold anywhere. Mike doesn’t know what to do, Peter gets an ice cream in the face for asking a kid if he can have his, but Micky decides to take this as a personal challenge.

Micky disappears onto the porch for days and he puts a big makeshift curtain around him (the covers are mysteriously gone off his bed) so no one can see what hes doing. He sends everyone away when they come outside to him until after a few days he comes back in with a handmade stable. It’s not as good as the toy, it’s all wonky and a mismatch of colours, but Davy absolutely adores it. He cries and hugs Micky super tight for a solid two seconds before its playtime with his new stable. His horses love it of course and after getting to play with it, Davy disappears on his own little project (with mikes supervision) and makes Micky a drawing of him and Davy at the stable with all his horse friends. Micky frames it.

[rivetgoth]

I really dont think people have any empathy for detransitioners as a reaction to how they’re used by anti-trans crowds. To the point even “allies” downplay (trans people) or parentalize (transphobes) their medical, social, and personal struggles. There’s just no good platform for us to talk with each other without us biting at each others heels. What you said is totally right I’m just tired and ranting lol. Thank you for your post

it really, really sucks (and I have seen with my own eyes) that the politicization of “detransitioning” as an action and “detransitioner” as an identity has led to the snowball effect of trans spaces, at least online (thankfully haven’t seen quite the same response around trans people I know irl, but I don’t want to imply that the behavior of large online trans spaces are inconsequential), sort of beginning to hold this suspicion or even disdain towards actual detransitioners. I feel like at least weekly I see someone on one of the big trans subreddits mention being scared of talking to detransitioners or otherwise triggered by hearing about detransitioners or reading their stories or anything. Or I just see “detransitioner” be used broadly and conflated with the transphobic grifters heading the detrans movement. I really don’t like that.

I think part of where my sadness about this comes from, other than the obvious stuff that I kinda wish didn’t have to be said, like the fact that I am friends with detransitioned people who are lovely, that we know objectively from studies done on this topic that the majority of detransitioners do so for external reasons such as social rejection, lack of access, safety concerns, etc, the fact that many people who detransition do not identify as cis, or the fact that many detransitioners are gonna have many overlapping material experiences as us when it comes to the interpersonal and on occasion even systemic mistreatment of gender and sex nonconforming individuals… is just the fact that I personally have learned a TON from detransitioners myself, and I’ve found their insights into gender and sex to be extremely helpful in conceptualizing my own identity and how it pertains to my body and my transition. It was a detransitioner who first turned me on to the reconceptualization of medical transition as a form of body modification and the question of trans rights being one within a larger conversation of bodily autonomy. I think their experience as someone who exercised their autonomy to change their body and ultimately came to the decision it wasn’t right for them gave them a lot of personal wisdom about these intricacies.

I am sympathetic to some extent that many of the trans people who express frustration towards detransitioners are doing so because they’re tired of the identity being used as ammo to further regressive anti-autonomy laws, but I’m kind of admittedly equally sympathetic to non-transphobic detransitioners who harbor frustration towards aspects of the modern trans community (such as the pervasive rhetoric I really strongly dislike but see quite often that claims “anyone who questions if they’re trans is probably trans,” which IMO does the opposite of uplift questioning people’s right to, well, QUESTION, even if they realize they’re ultimately not actually trans, and does erase the very healthy experience of questioning if transition is right for you and being wrong, as well as the reality of detransitioners existing at all) or at the larger system (such as how little informed consent doctors often actually know about HRT before prescribing it—many such cases), even if both of these frustrations are mis-aimed. This is a literally life or death topic within broader global politics for some and I get tension is high. I want to explicitly make clear I’m talking pretty complex intracommunity relations so I can avoid characterizing the trans community as like overtly hostile or irrational. That’s obviously not true.

But idk? I guess just speaking within/as a member of the trans community I wish there was more space for detransitioners to speak and I wish that detransitioners weren’t seen as a source of like… fear. Tbh I understand that it’s partly a reaction to the politicization of the identity and the way it’s weaponized against trans people, but I do kind of get the sense, and this is a more grave accusation but I think I’m right to say it, that some trans people are just… scared of seeing detransitioned people because they don’t want that to be them, and they’re scared to face their own internal fear of regret or being wrong, and in turn are harboring some level of fear and disgust at the idea of being a gender/sex nonconforming person. I think some members of the trans community have internalized this fear of regret to the point that they see detransitioned and other sex nonconforming individuals as almost caricatures of themselves or “worst case scenarios.” It reminds me of how extremely cruel certain trans people can be to non-passing trans people or gender nonconforming trans people or intersex people. I think there is a fear of transition “failing” that, while understandable as a personal/internal fear when you’re battling dysphoria and taking such a huge step and doing something so potentially socially and politically loaded, kinda sucks when it’s projected out onto others. Very reminiscent of the annoying ass trans people who claim that “second hand dysphoria” (seeing a trans person who doesn’t pass or does something you wouldn’t, usually something pertaining to stereotypes associated with their AGAB ex. a trans man who wears pink, and becoming dysphoric over it) is a thing.

I guess I just feel like sex and gender nonconformity as well as the exercising of one’s bodily autonomy—even to an end that ultimately one regrets—are all good things, and I feel like we can all learn from each other and all should be aligning with each other and building community with each other, including facing and having open minded and empathetic discourse around the idea of regretting one’s choices when we do act on them… Having support systems in place for those who need it is crucial to allowing people autonomy to begin with, similarly to how I believe drugs should be decriminalized but with that should come an overhaul in how we treat those struggling with addiction (including an overhaul of the legal system), sex work should be decriminalized but with that should come tangible material and system-wide support not just for sex workers but within the entire labor industry. With autonomy comes the risk of regret. I’m very pro-regret, I’m pro-the right to do things you’ll regret, and I am very anti-criminalization for the sake of trying to save people from regret or protect people from themselves. It’s the same reason I feel a lot of solidarity with cis people who undergo extreme body modification, whether or not it’s to an end that they’re satisfied with, as long as they aren’t propagating anti-autonomy rhetoric, and it’s interconnected with the same reason I’m pro-drug and pro-choice and pro-sex work.

[kny-agere]

kny agere, yay!!!! could i please request little!obanai & cg!mitsuri, maybe with big!muichiro? i can see muichiro lightly teasing obanai in a big sibling fashion and just being really excited about being older for once. maybe obanai trips and gets hurt, so mitsuri gives him lots of hugs and kisses and muichiro helps cheer him up by doing things that always cheer him up when he’s little— like silly faces or tickles!!! just an idea… excited to see what you write next!

Ermmm forgot to add kaburamaru so just pretend the snake is sleeping somewhere (*´-`) Not the exact prompt but I hope I incorporated some themes to ur liking still!! (Side note this was my first time ever writing Mui non-regressed?? Whaaaa)

★彡☆彡★彡

Muichiro wasn’t regressed, not quite, but there was a sense of curiosity that wasn’t usually present in him. He leaned over Mitsuri’s shoulder to stare down at Obanai. “Can I touch him?”

The woman laughed at the odd phrasing. “Sure but you have to be gentle.”

After receiving permission Tokito carefully reached over Mitsuri and brushed him fingers against Iguro’s cheek. He didn’t quite trace the path of the scars but did follow their general direction.

“Will he get mad… that I saw his scars?” He whispered the words so softly that Mitsuri second guesses his state. She’s never heard him speak with such care before.

Muichiro had seen some of Iguro’s scars before. All demon slayers had them. Obanai has scars on his back and arms and everywhere else. Muichiro had seen all of them except the ones on the man’s mouth. It wasn’t hard to guess what the bandages were hiding but actually seeing them still felt like a violation.

“He won’t mind if it’s you. Even now Iguro-kun would freak out if he was scared.” For a moment she bends down to spread kisses over his cheeks. The boy makes a few noises in response and opens his eyes. Slowly he reaches up and takes Muichiro’s finger. His good eye focuses on the figure above him.

The younger boy sticks out his tongue and wiggles it. It pulls a laugh out of Iguro but mostly just because Mitsuri laughs first.

“I like babies.” He never had a younger sibling but with his memories coming back he remembers the young children in his home village. Whenever they traveled down the mountain to sell wood Tokito would get to play with the little ones. They were cute with all their chubby features but Iguro makes up for it with his enchanting eyes.

He pokes his finger against Obanai’s lips. The babies would grab and suck on the digit. Instead the man scrunches up his face like he might cry.

Mitsuri doesn’t scold him but does slowly grab his hand. “Remember how we have to be careful? Don’t be too rough with his face.”

“I wasn’t,” Muichiro insists flatly. He moves his hand away from her grasp and instead pets Obanai’s hair. It’s soft which means Kanroji must’ve washed it. Otherwise it’d feel like straw.

He reacts better to the petting. Iguro’s eyes start to narrow like they might close again.

“If he falls asleep again can I have a turn holding him?” Tokito moves to Mitsuri’s side. He pushes harder to cradle Obanai’s head with one of his hands. It’s cramped with Kanroji’s arm squishing him but he likes being close. “And share the futon too?”

The woman knows that Tokito has the strength to hold Iguro, but considering they’re about the same size the actual logistics of it don’t quite make sense. “Ah well moving Iguro-kun might wake him up but I’m sure that some cuddling will be ok.” She averts her eyes and goes a little red but thankfully Muichiro doesn’t push further. His face is painted with a frown for a brief moment but when Obanai sighs and shifts the boy brightens again.

“Can we do that now?” His tugging makes it clear there’s only one acceptable answer. Mitsuri promises that she’ll work on her indulgence problem and follows the boy out of the room.

[51kas81]

Rupert Mannion comes up as “The Devil” in his ex-wife’s phone. Really, can you blame her? The guy dumped her, claimed he didn’t want children, and then married another woman with the same name … and then had a daughter. But Ted Lasso’s third season made the case for just how inherently villainous Rupert was capable of being, beyond vacationing with his “dear friends” the Sacklers. He’s hit by unsavory allegations of sexual impropriety, has no issue continuing his cheating ways behind closed doors, and then, in the finale, shoves his team’s coach to the ground when he refuses to play dirty on the pitch — losing his precious West Ham United in the aftermath. It’s all so diabolical, his name might as well be Rupert Minion.

Anthony Head, who was “scared of being a spoiler” throughout the season, thinks it’s a hoot that Rupert was Ted Lasso’s only character to regress back to his old ways. He’s also pleased that viewers got to see a little bit more humanity in Rupert at certain points in the narrative, which made his 360-degree turn back all the more satisfying. “A lot of us are very insecure,” Head explains. “So it’s such fun being able to play someone else who isn’t.”

I know we have more important matters to discuss, but can we start with Rupert’s Darth Vader–esque coat? It exuded authority and you looked fabulous in it.

Well, thank you. At the end of season two, when Rupert gets Nate onto his side, Jason Sudeikis whispered into my ear that there was something similar to the Emperor and Darth Vader, and how the Emperor brought Darth Vader onboard. I then whispered that same thing into Nick Mohammed’s ear. Wearing a coat like that is wonderful. When you walk away, you know you’re flowing and have a cloak behind you. It was a fun little twist to put in there.

Your character ends Ted Lasso as the sole villain who doesn’t get a redemption. This is a pretty pointed narrative decision, since the show made great effort to transform the behaviors of a lot of unlikeable people. Are you happy with this outcome?

Yes, I am. I loved episode ten, the Super League scene, where the whole thing with Rupert and Rebecca happens. You can see part of the younger Rupert, how they fell in love, and the relationship they had. What I found fascinating about the whole deal was, for me, it was about playing someone with a heart and soul who sometimes might get viewers to manifest into thinking he might work out. But then, no. Let’s have a spinoff series.

What does this man’s heart and soul look like?

He’s a narcissist. Jason and I were talking about how there are elements of him being a sociopath. It’s like everything in the show: It’s based on how characters have grown and have been built. It may have been his childhood or his teenage years. When I got the part, I decided to make Rupert an entrepreneur who had money early on, probably from the telecommunications boom in the ’80s and ’90s. It made him into a rich man, but not somebody who was necessarily productive. He’s very good at seeing things and making people feel enriched.

It seemed like Rupert was heading toward a good light in the final few episodes, but then he implodes in such spectacular fashion during that final Richmond game. How did you want to approach this loss of control so it didn’t seem unbelievable?

I played it with the feeling of being displaced. His sexual behavior, which he always thought he could get away with, was suddenly in the light. It was a very clever piece of writing that Miss Kakes and Bex, his wife, come together and go to Rebecca. People like Rupert, thankfully, are less and less these days, but they still get away with a lot of stuff. I wanted to play it like he finally realized he wasn’t going to get away with it. That’s the core: He’s lost it and he doesn’t know how he’s going to be able to pull it back together.

There was a quote earlier in the season from Rebecca that has stuck with me: “Rupert always gets what he wants.” We’ve primarily seen that in a material sense, both what he owns and his choice in trophy wives. But how do you think that applies to a level of fulfillment? What does he want out of life itself?

There are a lot of people out there who think about others, How could you do that? Why would you do that? How is that going to be good for anyone? But they believe the world revolves around them. If he wants Miss Kakes, he’ll get Miss Kakes. He’s bored with Bex because she’s dealing with his [daughter] now. It’s hard to say what he wants, because he just wants to win. He thinks that winning Nate over is giving him a flashy car and giving him a beautiful woman to have an affair with. He doesn’t really think twice about anything. He just assumes he’s right.

The whole thing with narcissism is until a narcissist actually owns it, they don’t know who they are. It’s a mental journey. The whole show is about the way that we’re all becoming who we are. We shouldn’t be scared of building and learning. That’s what makes life. But someone like Rupert isn’t going to go through that. He’ll probably feel like he’s been prosecuted and singled out. He’ll say Miss Kakes came on to him.

Are you of the opinion that he never fell out of love with Rebecca?

There’s probably a little bit of love lurking. But it goes back to him wanting to have power. I don’t think he ever thought to himself, Oh, I wish I had Rebecca back. But perhaps he thought he could win her back one day if he needed to.

I had a nice conversation with Nick last week, and he told me about the discussions he had with Jason about the direction of his character over the course of this season. Did you also feel it was necessary to get further reasoning from the writers about Rupert’s behavior?

It’s not necessary for me. You play what you feel. A number of people were always on set, and if they had an idea, they would come out and say, “Well, what about this?” Jason would throw in all of these nuances and explain where a line would come from, because some lines had come from a place of authenticity in his life. I didn’t feel like, Oh, I need to talk this over. If someone wanted to, I was very happy to do so. I remember several years ago I went to an acting school in Los Angeles called Beverly Hills Playhouse. The teacher’s whole ethos was: The words will take care of themselves. Just play the emotions. Try them out in the air. When you get a whisper in your ear, “Why don’t you try it?” you should respond, “Okay.” If you leave yourself open to that, it doesn’t restrict you in any way.

Nick’s journey was more specific and potentially more complex. I can understand why he wanted to know further details. But with Rupert, the course was cleverly set. Him dropping out of sight was essential. You kept thinking to yourself, Where’s Rupert? Sometimes you feel things are played on-camera so the audience can see it all. But here, it didn’t all play on-camera. Not all is said. The show asks us to have a thought about that.

The last time we see Rupert is him being taunted by a “wanker” crowd chant as he leaves the pitch —

The American word is “jerk,” isn’t it? But it’s not as powerful as “wanker.”

And a newspaper headline a few days later confirms he was ousted at the club. What would’ve been your ideal ending for him if this wasn’t it?

I thought he might go down for fraud. Something that would undermine the core of his business. Because there has been a bit of that. People who have lots of money can be pulled to that sort of thing.

[littledollll]

Pink princess

Wednesday Addams x little!reader

A/n: I was surprisingly very motivated to write this quickly! (My other 4 wips and side eyeing me so hard right now.) it’s just a short little thing but I hope you enjoy!

No warnings

Requested by: @madisonaddams222

____________________________________

Wednesday could count with just one hand the amount of absences you had in a school year. So her arriving to class and you not being there certainly raised some level of concern, even if she didn’t want to admit it.

She convinced herself she was using your absence as an excuse. “I’m not checking on her, just making an excuse to skip that stupid class..” it’s not like she didn’t already know what they were teaching, so really it wasn’t any harm done.

Once she reached your dorm she knocked once, twice. Until she hears the sound of your unusually more.. childish? Voice. “Who’s there?” You still sounded quite cheerful, which was a relief.

“It’s just me.” She should’ve probably mentioned her name.. but that felt foolish. You could just listen to her voice. Thankfully you did, sparing her the embarrassment of having to stand outside the door a second longer as you opened the door.

It was a sight she wasn’t quite used to seeing.. as she was met with you in your usual vibrant colors and an assortment many different toys and gear all over the floor. You didn’t say anything, just seeming to watch for a reaction. She noticed your eyes being significantly more fidgety, almost unfocused. And it clicked.

“Well don’t you look adorable..” Wednesday mumbled under her breath at the sight of you, even more pink and color than usual. The bright colors certainly hurting her eyes. Usually she’d ask you to tune it down (which almost never worked) but she wasn’t about to say that to your little self, like she would most times.

The second you realized Wednesday seemed to be very okay with this, you wanted to accompany immediately. “Thanks you! wanna color? I have lots other books!!” A part of her wanted to roll her eyes and cover her ears at your enthusiastic attitude, but she did come all this way because she was worried about you.. and she couldn’t just leave a regressed little all alone, right?

Wednesday reluctantly agreed and joined you on the floor for a few, doing mostly nothing but you were too distracted with your own coloring to notice. You seemed at least happy, she thought. Had you regressed for fun? Doubtful, since you’re never known to skip class. So she assumed something must’ve happened, but she didn’t think it was appropriate to ask.

Suddenly your small voice interrupted her thoughts and left her in quite a shock. “Mama?” You didn’t seem to notice how you caught her off guard with that. But she wasn’t about to scold you for a simple mistake, so she gave you a nod.

“I tired” you seemed be asking for

Sometimes rather than just telling her, which left her to guess. “I see… do you- want me to put you to bed, maybe?” As soon as she was done talking you were quick to make grabby hands her way, and she picked you up without issue, walking you to your bed but you shook your head and refused to let go. “Oh.. you want to stay here, is that it?”

You gave her a little nod, and wasted no time before laying your head on her shoulder. It wasn’t long before you fell asleep, leaving her to ponder once again when just before you dozed off you said it again. “g’night mama..”

[bisexualdumbassvampires]

Hot coco and cuddles.

A HTTYD book series AU fanfiction.

On the lost island of tomorrow, that wasn’t so lost anymore, a storm was raging. The small village that had been built out of the ruins of Grimbeard The Ghastly’s kingdom was being battered by sheets of rain and howling wind, and inside a hut, laying in bed trying to sleep, was a little boy with a lot of skeleton tattoos.

The little boy (Who’s body wasn’t very little anymore) was tired, he was lonely, and he was scared.

He lay on his side, hugging his small plush dragon that his cousin had sewed for him to his chest. He was suckling the wooden pacifier his uncle had carved, trying to ignore the wind shrieking at him. A particularly savage gust rattled the hut. It sounded like a dragon’s roar and for a second Snotlout thought it was the Dragon Furious, back to get him. He let out a squeak that would have embarrassed him if had he been older, and ducked underneath his blankets. He buried his face in his plush and muttered to himself.

“I am a big boy, I am a strong big boy.”

He was Snotface Snotlout, heir to the throne of the Wilderwest, and he was a brave boy.

He was braver then the storm.

He waited until there was a lull in the wind, and then he threw back his covers and jumped out of bed. He ran out of his hut, pausing only to put on his boots, into the rain. He ran straight to Hiccup’s hut, clutching his dragon plush to his chest. The rain soaked through his shirt and ran down his face but he tried to shield the fuzzy little dragon from the worst of it.

He made it to Hiccup’s home and banged on the door hard.

“Hey! ‘Iccup! It’s me ‘Iccup, wake up!”

He lisped, hoping desperately that his younger cousin would hear him. Thankfully he did, and finally the door opened to reveal a very tired looking King Hiccup Horrendous Haddock |||.

His hair was plastered to one side of his face by his pillow and Snotlout would have laughed if he hadn’t been so cold and wet and little.

“Snotlout? What are you-? Oh buddy.”

Hiccup cut himself off when he saw the pacifier in Snotlout’s mouth and the rain splattered plush in his arms. If he had been physically able to he would have scooped the little boy up and carried him inside but unfortunately the boy king was quite a few feet shorter then his older cousin, and weighted about ninety pounds soaking wet. He quickly ushered Snotlout inside and shut the door.

“Kiddo you’re soaked, what are you doing in the rain?”

He sat the little boy by the fire and look off his dripping shirt and boots, covering him with a warm blanket. Snotlout gnawed on his pacifier for a second before mumbling a response around it.

“The storm was loud. Didn’t like it.”

His ordinarily deep, confident voice was light and lilting, unguarded.

He sounded young.

“Hey buddy, how old are you?”

Hiccup asked as he busied himself with finding a towel for Snotlout’s strawberry blonde mop of hair. Snotlout thought about for a second.

“Five.”

Hiccup paused in rubbing the little boy’s hair with the towel and blinked. Five was Snotlout’s youngest age, he rarely regressed that fair back unless he was really upset. Hiccup tried to look causal.

“Wow little star, that’s really little! Did something happen? Did you have a bad dream?”

Snotlout held out his dragon for Hiccup to dry and shook his head.

“No, wind scared me. Sounded like big roar.”

Hiccup’s heart melted and he tried hard not to show it. Snotlout got embarrassed when someone thought he was cute.

“Oh did it champ? Well, the storm can’t get you in here.”

He finished drying his cousin off and ruffled his newly fluffy hair.

“Do you want something nice to drink buddy? How about some hot coco?”

Snotlout looked up from his inspection of his plush and grinned around his pacifier.

“Yeah!”

He jumped up and hugged Hiccup tightly, crushing him to his chest.

Hiccup let out a quiet “Oof!” but quickly hugged the not-so-little boy back.

“Let’s get you some then bud, come on.”

Snotlout followed him to the small kitchen and promptly sat down on the floor to watch Hiccup make the coco.

He handed the first mug to Snotlout when it was finished.

“Careful, it’s hot! Do you want to sit by the fire or at the table?”

Snotlout took out his pacifier and put it on the floor. He took a small sip of coco and licked his lips thoughtfully.

He liked the cozy kitchen, even as a king his younger cousin preferred to live in a cozy small hut. But he was still a bit chilly.

“Fire, it’s warm!” He decided.

Hiccup laughed softly and helped Snotlout up off the floor.

“Alright little dragon, let’s go back to the fireplace.”

They sat together drinking their coco and watching the fire until Snotlout’s eyelids began to droop and he started to yawn.

Hiccup gently pulled his mug out of his hand and set it down on the hearth.

“Come on star, let’s get you to bed.”

Snotlout didn’t even protest, he was so tired.

Hiccup led him down to hall to his bedroom with one steadying hand on his back and another on his arm. He gently sat Snotlout on the bed and took his blanket off.

Snotlout swayed slightly, and rubbed at his eyes with a fist as Hiccup slipped a nightshirt over his head.

Toothless was sleeping on the other side of the bed so Hiccup had to wake him.

“Wha-wh-what’s the big idea?”

He grumbled, yawning and blowing smoke in Hiccup’s face.

“Stop that.” Hiccup whispered in dragonese.

“Snotlout is sleeping here tonight so you have to sleep on the foot of the bed.”

“What you sayin ‘Iccup?” Snotlout mummered.

He didn’t speak dragonese yet. Hiccup decided he would have to teach him.

“Never you mind little star, I’m just getting Toothless settled.”

Snotlout nodded and yawned.

“F-fine. But just because he’s cute like this. D-d-don’t tell him I said that!”

Toothless huffed and lay down at the foot of the bed.

“Thanks Toothless.”

Snotlout lay down as well and Hiccup tucked him in, placing his plush in his arms and laying down beside him. Toothless was already snoring softly, his little dragon body heating the room like a furnace.

Snotlout sighed contently and rested his head on Hiccup’s chest.

Hiccup’s heart melted again.

“Can I give you a kiss goodnight buddy?”

He whispered, scratching at the fuzzy stubble at Snotlout’s jaw.

Snotlout nodded and closed his eyes. He rarely excepted kisses, declaring them “Icky”, but he felt safe and warm and soft, and maybe a kiss could be okay, just once.

Hiccup brushed his hair back and kissed his forehead softly.

“I’m so proud of you for coming to me when you were scared. Goodnight little hero.”

Snotlout smiled around his pacifier.

“Goodnight ‘Iccup…”

[mizukisdaycare]

hi!! .im the anon who wanted a saki and honami story! i think i'd want a mostly platonic relationship, not anything really romantic and just fluffy caregiver to little stuff !!! thank you so much ,,

Regressor!Saki & Cg!Honami HCS

A/N: I’m so so so SO sorry about how long it took to finally write these cuz school and real life has been kicking my butt T^T but im finally free!! Also these were a lot shorter than I thought they were gonna be so srry but here we go!

Honami is definitely like a big sis whenever members of L/N regress and Saki is no exception!

Honami often takes them to Phoenix Wonderland (they probably have free passes because of Tsukasa but shh..)

Saki wants to see and do EVERYTHING!! Though Honami has to keep a close eye on her so she doesn’t end up running off

It’s happened once and she quite frankly doesn’t want it to happen again (luckily big bro Tsukasa came to the rescue and returned her!)

If they aren’t at Phoenix Wonderland then they’re doing a quiter activity! Or as quiet as an activity that is baking apple pie

Saki is usually in charge of mixing up the filling while Honami does the more ‘grown-up’ steps

Best part of the apple pies are actually eating them! They taste even better because they made it together :D

Saki’s little self isn’t much different from her big self in a pushing her limits regard

She still sometimes gets herself sick by trying to do everything at once

Thankfully Honami is there to look after her!

Well that is if Tsukasa didn’t get to her first, but he doesn’t mind Honami’s assistance!

[hallowedmuses]

discord chat: so hungry i could eat a horse

SUMMARY: Dagon comes clean to Beelzebub about a deadly creature that she’s befriended in the Mariana Trench. The two make their way there with some unfortunate company in tow. TRIGGERS: Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Body Horror, Animal Death WRITTEN WITH: @offallenfeathers (Beelzebub, Gabriel, Suds) @hallowedmuses (Dagon, Andy)

DAGON: She was anxious as leaned against the dock and picked at her lunch. Today’s environmental committee meeting was a disaster. She didn’t know what happened. Suds was doing so great these past few weeks but last night was a massive regression. She felt like it was only a matter of time before Gabriel found him. She couldn’t keep hiding the creature on her own. It wasn’t safe. She had a plan, an idea really, to bring Suds to Hell but she needed help. So, she asked Beel to come have lunch with her after the meeting. She needed to fess up to her antics and show him everything, but it was hard to know where to begin. “It looks like it’s going to rain…” she began mildly only for one of her snakes to escape her bun and nip at her ear. She swatted it away, annoyed with herself. “Alright, Jesus…” She surveyed the dock to make sure they were alone before sliding her lunch over to Beel. “I need your help.” She was pretty sure he picked up on that a while ago. “The creature Gabriel’s unit is looking for is a shark,” she began. “Prehistoric, large, one of your original designs maybe..." She bit her bottom lip. "His name is Suds. I've been hiding him for the past few months..."

BEELZEBUB: Ever since Valefar had joined these committees, they'd gotten more interesting. Beel wasn't fond of the idea of her being there, but surprisingly, she wasn't the drama this time. Gabriel had made them all aware of some sort of creature in the ocean that was attacking ships and eating massive amounts of sealife. It was upsetting the balance of things, and worse than that, when Gabriel sent his own people to deal with it, the beast killed and ate them. Thankfully, the Empty wasn't a bad place to end up now, but death was still a serious thing. They'd never be able to leave the Empty again. It clearly put a lot of stress on Gabe. Beel could see the frustration and guilt on Gabe's face for what happened to them, and he seemed desperate to stop the monster. On the other hand, Dagon had seemed panicked ever since the subject of the creature was brought up, though for different reasons. Every time the actions of the monster were brought up, she seemed to defend it with the same passion as a mad lover. It all made her seem incredibly suspicious. She was known to make friends with all kinds of creatures, and he was sure that everyone suspected that she was somehow involved in the reason why the beast hadn't been caught already. After the committee was over and Dagon invited him to lunch, he suspected that it wasn't just an excuse to have some of his cooking. It was actually all the confirmation he needed to know she really was involved in this.

It was amusing to watch her snakes nip at her. It was always an interesting display to when she was at war with herself, but in the end, the snakes usually helped her to the right destination. He took her lunch, beginning to eat it as she explained herself. He nodded for her to keep going when she said she needed his help. That was a given. The fact that it was a shark was a little surprising. There were some giant sharks out there that he'd made. A few were even still around, though they didn't cause many problems. They also didn't usually attack angelic units, nor did they have the power to actually kill them. "I don't think that sounds like something I would've made." Although the name she'd given the shark was a little amusing. It was close to the nickname Laute used to call him a long time ago. "Can you take me to him. I think I need to see him with my own eyes." Beel usually had a strong connection with his creations. Even if they didn't recognize him as the one who created their species, sharks tended to be relaxed around him. The better thing was that he could make sure the shark was no real threat to Dagon. Even if it tried attacking him, there weren't many things that could actually harm an archangel.

DAGON: Beel seemed annoyingly satisfied that she was asking him for help. Her snakes eyed him like they were debating smacking the tacos out of his hand. “Don’t. He’s just wearing a smaller, smugger look under there,” she warned her snake as she tugged it back into her bun. It didn’t surprise her that he didn’t want to be credited or associated with Suds, but she’d seen enough of Beel’s creatures to know his designs. If Suds was created by a copycat they were in some trouble. “Look, I know he looks bad on paper, but I don’t think nurture made him the way he is. I think something happened to him. The way I found him, he wasn’t in good shape...” Of course, she found him when he tried to eat her, but she was able to save herself and gain his trust. She got quiet when Beel asked if she would take him to the shark. “That depends.” The words were heavy between them. For a couple months now, things seemed like they were back to normal with the two of them. Dagon had forgiven the secrets that were kept from her, but this was a reminder that she hadn’t forgotten. She was still struggling and the act of asking one of them for help was still hard. “There’s ground rules to this. I found the shark, I make the final decisions. You don’t get to shut me out, okay? He’s my friend, Beel.”

BEELZEBUB: "It's actually a larger, smugger look, but it wouldn't be that bad if you didn't make yourself so obvious in that committee." Gabriel and Andy were probably just waiting for her to outright admit her involvement, not that they could actually do much about it. They'd have to go through a lot of channels, and in the end they wouldn't get anywhere. Dagon may not have been right to protect a monster that was killing angels, but Hell would still defend her if they needed to, though whether they'd defend her creature or not was a different story. "I'm not trying to disown him because he did bad things, Dagon," he promised. "I just really don't recall making something like this." It was possible he'd been on something if he'd made this. He'd been pretty chaotic when he was younger, and he had so many creations, he couldn't always keep track of them until he was looking at them, which is why he felt like he needed to see the shark first. "If I did make him, then he's my responsibility." He didn't mean that to say he was going to take over on what to do with the shark, more so that he felt responsible enough to help make sure that his creation was well taken care of and that it wasn't hurting people outside the natural order of things. "He wasn't in good shape?" he questioned. It was hard to believe something that massive could really go through any kind of trauma. It wouldn't have had any natural predators. If it was killing angels, the average fishing boats shouldn't have been a problem for it, and he didn't think Gabriel's angels would attack it without cause.

"Even if he did go through something rough, his actions seem more like animal instinct. He's going to eat the biggest things he can, which at this time seem to be angels." He didn't think it really made a difference whether it was nature or nurture that was making Suds act like this. It wasn't like they could give a shark therapy, and the amount of time Dagon was spending with it didn't seem to be helping. He recognized that Dagon was nervous. She'd asked for his help, but she still had reason to doubt that she'd be on his side.

He put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm not looking to hurt Suds. I know that you care about him, and I'm sure we can find something to do for him." He didn't know what that was just yet. He needed to actually see the creature's size and personality first. It'd make things easier if the shark listened to him like the others did, but if it wasn't his, he didn't know that it would. There was still another concern though. "But if a life is in danger because of him again while I'm there, I will stop him." He was mainly worried in regards to Dagon. She might've bonded with a lot of creatures, but that didn't mean they wouldn't hurt her if she got in the middle. If his presence upset the shark, it was possible she could get hurt, and he wouldn't let that happen. He didn't plan to take deadly force immediately, but he would do what he had to do to keep more lives from being taken. Suds might've been Dagon's friend, but he was killing a lot of Gabriel's friends.

DAGON: She gave him an exasperated, almost comical look. “Well, you try keeping these space buns under control!” She pointed to her hair. She might’ve known a thing or two about being covert, but her snakes weren’t always on the same page. Which is why they were in intricate buns and braids almost every meeting now. She was getting tired of being tied up. Restraining them never felt right. They were a part of her. She started undoing her buns. Maybe they would behave now that she was trying something that didn’t require so much secrecy. “Despite defending Suds at meetings, I don’t exactly feel great about what he’s doing. I just need more time to train him.” She shook her hair out, feeling relieved that some of the weight and pressure was gone. “We had a streak going for almost two weeks with only minor incidences. I know he can do it.” She felt her shark deserved a fair shot. Moving him to hell was the best shot she could give him.

She sighed and nodded when he assured her that he wasn’t trying to disown Suds. “Maybe seeing him will jog some memories. I haven’t had much luck digging up his origins. Most of those records are still in Heaven. Talk about paywalls,” she quipped. That was definitely a complaint she’d picked up from Declan. She nodded and frowned. “Yeah, poor thing.” Her snakes drooped a little at the memory. “He had spears lodged along his underbelly and jaw line. It took a while to get him to trust me enough to get them out. And he had scar tissue to hell and back, healed fractures that hadn’t properly set, chunks of flesh that were just gone. He must’ve fought something and came out on top, but for the life of me I don’t know what.” Whatever it was, she was pretty sure Suds must’ve eliminated it.

She didn’t agree or disagree with Beel’s statement. Suds was acting on instinct, but she also believed he could be trained to not be so aggressive and reactive. She didn’t plan to domesticate him by any means. Some form of aggression was needed to survive in the wild, but he had too much for something of his size.

Her snakes observed him quietly for a moment as they tried to assess whether they trusted his words. They dropped away into nothing but strands of hair once Dagon decided that she did trust that he wouldn’t harm Suds. “I want to take him to Hell. I’m not sure Lucifer will be thrilled about the idea, but I think it’s the best place for him. I’ll lay out the vision once you see him.” She knew that second part was coming before he even said it. She was just trusting that Beel’s first plan of action to stop Suds wouldn’t be violence. “All right, then you better trail behind and let me talk to him first so you don’t spook him with your very large, smug face.”

BEELZEBUB: Beel chuckled. "That's basically just asking me to keep you under control. They're a result of your subconscious after all." He could keep his own emotions in check, but he couldn't do that for Dagon. "I think if you said that to Gabe, he wouldn't believe it." The arguing between him and Dagon had only gotten heightened this time. It wasn't a surprise to anyone that Dagon would defend animals, but he could tell that Gabe felt like Dagon just didn't care at all about the people who were dying. Beel knew that wasn't the case. Dagon was an extremely caring person. The problem was that it got excessive sometimes to the point where she only saw the danger around her. She had good reason not to trust a lot of the people at the committee though. Gabriel had kept the truth about what was going on with Bells longer than he had, which was probably part of why she elected to tell Beel the truth first too. "How exactly have you been trying to train him? And if you were doing well, what happened this time?" She was right. There hadn't been too many incidents, but he imagined there had to be something to set him off. Maybe he got startled or she let him get too close to where Gabriel's unit was searching.

"Maybe," he nodded. "I did make a lot of weird things back then. Raphael actually brought down some of those records of my creations a couple years ago." It had been the day that Belphegor confronted the family about the truth, and it was probably the only good thing that happened on his birthday that year. "I didn't get around to looking at all of them, but after I see him, I can compare them to him." Assuming he didn't recognize it immediately. He frowned at the description of the state he was in. "That sounds more like he went through a war than just a single fight." It made the whole thing sound more confusing. He wouldn't have been surprised by some of those injuries, but the others sounded like something he would've had for a lot longer than any injuries Gabe's unit could've given him.

"To Hell?" he asked, considering the idea. It would take some excessive terraforming, but they had people for that, and it would keep heaven off their backs if it kept him away from the angels and the rest of humanity. Beel already had some large bodies of water in his kingdom where they could keep Suds while they worked on terraforming more space. Food might've been an issue, but he needed to understand Suds more first. If they could sustain him on large fish, that might've been fine, but if he really did have a preference for eating angels, then that would be a problem. He'd have to hear what she had in mind for the shark once they got there. "Okay, I'll try to keep my smugness contained. Lead the way."

DAGON: She snorted and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I'm so glad your siblings aren't here. The amount of sex jokes they could generate from that comment alone would be my thirteenth reason,” she joked. She sighed when he said Gabe would have a hard time believing she felt remorseful for Sud’s behavior. “I know. I’ll make it up to him somehow.” She just needed a minute where he wasn’t stressing her out. She was sure he’d say the same about her which was fair. Dagon didn’t have anything against Gabe. She generally liked him. She knew his job wasn’t easy. In the past, she tried to make it easier by cleaning up the ocean at the very least. She and Beel had done a decent job at it. She just wished Gabe would leave this alone so she could continue her work. As a leader herself, she understood he felt responsible for this situation. She didn’t know Gabe all that well and frankly she was afraid that even if she came forward and told him the situation, he’d just want to take it over and she’d never see Suds again. The Archangels had already shut her out once by making decisions regarding her best friend. She had a hard time believing they wouldn’t do it again.

“I train him the way I train most of my animals. Build trust, establish myself as a safe person, keep them fed—that’s been the hardest part. I can’t make creatures at the rate that he eats them.” Which was why having Gabe’s unit work on replenishing the ocean would’ve been helpful to her and Suds in this process. “I’ve been tagging along on hunts with him though and redirecting him to eat creatures that are appropriate shark food. I thought teaching him command cues would be the hardest but he picked up on that fast. He responds best to the old war commands.” She made hand gestures that indicated stay, move out, and fall back.

She got a little quieter when he asked her what happened last night. “I don’t know. It came out of nowhere. We were just floating through the ocean. I was laying on his back stargazing and babbling like one does. We passed by the northern lights and he just froze. I hopped off his back to check on him and I dunno…there was this massive wave of sadness coming from him. It was deep. Like my Kingdom after the fall deep.” She’d never met an animal that experienced that level of profound sadness. It felt almost human. “And then it was like a switch flipped. There was nothing behind his eyes but rage. He went barreling for the nearest living thing which was an expedition ship a thousand knots away. By the time I caught up to him, he’d already eaten it and was looking for the next thing to eat. I got him to slow down and that’s when I heard Zophiel somewhere in the pit of his stomach.” She rubbed her temple at the stress of the memory. “He wasn’t supposed to be there. Apparently, he decided to disregard orders to stay out of the ocean until the situation was resolved. I talked him through how to trigger Sud’s gag reflex.” Gooseflesh peppered her skin. She rubbed her arms as if she was cold. “It wasn’t a pretty scene but he puked Zoph out. While I stayed with the kid and patched him up, he swam off and went on his rampage. When I found him in the morning, he was calm again but the damage…” she shook her head. She was lucky that Zophiel wasn’t hurt, but she didn’t think she’d be lucky a second time if Suds got triggered like that again in open water.

“I don’t know. I kind of miss ham-ster. That one was cute,” she replied when he said that he’d made some weird things back in the day. She was sure the designs that Raph gave him were probably most of his goofier designs. It was unlikely that Heaven would release the blueprints for something as hostile as Suds. She hoped Beel would recognize the creature, but at the end of the day they could still help Suds even if they were unsure about his origin. “I thought about that too,” she nodded. “That maybe he was one of our fighter beasts from the war and that he went dormant after Belphegor’s explosion, but I don’t remember seeing him on the battlefields or in the pens.” The only thing that looked remotely like Suds on the battlefield was Beel. “If Val gets to keep a dragon, I’m sure an argument can be made for letting me have a mega shark.” She smiled when he said he’d keep his smugness contained. “Thanks, Chef. That’s probably the hardest thing I’ll ask you to do today.” She was absolutely being facetious. If she got her way at the end of this, he’d be helping her move a massive shark into hell. She glanced around the dock one last time before jumping off of it and into the water. The demon shifted into her mermaid form and waited for Beel to join before starting the long swim to Sud's hideout.

BEELZEBUB: "I try not to think of what sex jokes they could make. We'd be here all day for that." Through life he'd learned that there was a sex joke for everything. He dished them out himself when he was in the right mood. The best thing to do was just not let it bother you and ride along with the joke. "I wouldn't worry too much about making it up to Gabe as long as we can keep your shark from eating any more of his people." Gabriel was just worried about the safety of his people as a leader. As long as he could see to their safety, he'd be okay.

He nodded, rubbing his chin as Dagon explained her training for the creature. He hadn't really seen the monster that had been attacking people, but they had gotten some descriptions from the deceased. The overall size of the beast seemed to differ in everyone's interpretations, which made sense. It was hard to consider details when you were about to be eaten to death. All they'd really gotten was that it was massively big and somehow managed to sneak up on full groups and eat them all at once, sometimes without them even being able to put up a fight. It spoke to why it would be hard for Dagon to keep it fed. Something that big took a lot of food, and if its prey was angels, that made it even harder to keep him fed. "That's . . . interesting." It made the creature that much more peculiar. So far, a lot of the information she'd given him pointed to the shark being involved in a war somehow, but how?

"Hmm." It was hard to think why any normal animal would have a reaction to an aurora borealis. Maybe the lights could've been frightening to it somehow? But the lights weren't overwhelmingly bright or anything. The fact that it was saddened only made it more peculiar. "It's not possible that we both just . . . forgot something like that being there during the war, is it? The auroras were a sign of loss for a lot of them during the war, but even if a shark was somehow there, he doubted it would feel anything that deep from lights, especially to cause it to go into a fit of rage.

"Zoph got involved in all of this?" He asked with exasperation. He assumed her story wasn't going to end with his death or else this conversation would've probably been going differently. As frustrated as Gabriel was now, he would've been much worse if Zophiel had been seriously hurt. Gabriel treated the Avanis more like family than his own siblings sometimes. Luckily, it seemed like Zoph was being smart enough to keep his mouth shut about the whole ordeal. "What about you? Are you okay? That couldn't have been easy to deal with." He'd seen some of the wreckage that Suds had done. Seeing all of that chewed up and spit out again woudl've felt like seeing the massacre that was the war. It'd be hard not to throw up just seeing it.

He chuckled when she mentioned one of his sentient food creations. "Yeah I liked those too. Definitely not sustainable though. If Gears had taken the time to look at them in the early days, he probably would've felt better about his own designs." All things considered, a lot of his little brother's designs were better than some of the things Beel made.

It really did feel like the creature had something to do with the war, but it was hard to picture where he would've fit in. Angelic warfare hadn't been in the seas. Beel might've turned into a shark on the battlefield, but he'd been a land shark. As far as he knew, this thing seemed confined to the sea. "Maybe God weaponized one of my rejected designs during the war and just had it ready in case the fighting took to the sea?" It didn't sound entirely logical. Maybe God might've used it to take away his safe space from him, but if that was the case, why was it only showing up now? "Maybe he's supposed to be my curse," he suggested. "Maybe he was supposed to stay dormant until a certain time. Once we got to a kind of good place, he showed up so I'd have to deal with my own creation hurting people." He still wasn't sure it was his own creation, but if it was, this might've made sense as a curse. Beel would've felt guilty and would've had to find a way to stop it, but God didn't account for them having other ways to deal with a killer shark besides just killing it.

"My siblings could make a lot of jokes off of that too?" Beel snorted. "In Val's defense though, she does need her dragon to keep guard of all her statues, and she can't even pet it. I think it'd be a better defense for you if you pointed out that Asmo is able to keep your twin." He giggled at his own joke before following Dagon into the water. His form shifted as well, taking on the features of a shark that allowed him to swim through the water quickly to follow alongside Dagon.

SUDS: It wasn't easy to find a place to hide a giant shark, especially one as big as the one deemed as 'Suds' was. Fortunately, the trench hid a lot of tunnels and hideaways, some big enough for the giant to swim through, though the size of the shark was actually fluid. It seemed to miraculously fit through some tunnels that might've seemed to small for it. That made keeping it in one place hard too. Although Suds had some affection for Dagon, he didn't always listen to her. Already while she was out, he'd been on the hunt again. It wasn't angels this time thankfully. At the bottom of his sea cavern was a whale that he was chewing on. He shook it around, spreading its blood through the water. It distracted him enough that he didn't pay attention to the angel and archangel approaching him.

DAGON: "They are incorrigible," she snorted. "That's easy for you to say. You have sibling privileges. Maybe I'll send him a nice gift basket or take Zoph off his hands for a week. He needs more redirection than my shark most days." At least the only danger Zoph presented was to himself generally.

 "He's not exactly a forgettable creature." It wasn't just his size but he had a pretty distinct personality. She was able to see more and more of it the more he trusted her. She was pretty sure it was even playing with her in some cases. "But God is capable of collective mindwiping so it's possible." If he wanted them to forget this creature, he could make it so. He didn't even need much of a reason in most cases to condemn a being to be forgotten. The monster that was God did as he fancied.

She nodded with equal exhaustion when he asked about Zoph's involvement. "He thought it was pretty cool until it wasn't which is usually how it goes with these things. I'm going to check on him in a few days to make sure his stomach's settled." It looked like he'd learned his lesson but she still wanted to make sure he was okay. She chewed at her bottom lip when he asked her if she was okay. "There weren't many survivors to heal. Just bodies and bile. It hit a little too close to home, but I'm okay now." She managed to get herself to the Empty were she promptly lost the contents of her stomach. Gears helped her to the shower so she could clean up but she still couldn't wash that feeling off entirely. Normally she wasn't around when Suds decided to go on these mass rampages. He brought her carnage sometimes, but it was usually animal bones. That was when they'd collectively decided she needed to bring Beel into this.

She knew Gears wouldn't like the fact that Beel saw that insecurity but there wasn't much she could do about that. "Everything is sustainable in the right environment," she smiled softly. "Earth might not have been the place for hammy and burgle and some of Gears creations but Eden made space for them on her lands." And Dagon made space for them in her heart. That was the hardest part of leaving home. She'd left pieces of her heart back there with all the creatures she couldn't take with her.

She listened as Beel speculated on the origins of Suds. "If he was God's weapon, I'm glad he got out of there and stayed out." Suds would've been pretty lethal in battle. Probably on par with the Archangels in terms of the level of damage that he could yield. She didn't think that Suds was his curse. The creature was violent at times, but his existence as a curse seemed to mild when the other curses were forced romance, death to true love, involuntary golden touch, and the void.

She groaned when he pointed out sex jokes could be made about that too. "You're right. I can't even make the standard suicidal jokes like i wish the shark would've just eaten me when there's a minor inconvenience. I'll do it anyway. It's better if I beat Asmo to the joke." She anticipated he’d have the most fun with all of this, but she could at least beat him to the punchline most of the time. “Andras is truly Asmo’s curse. Or maybe he’s Aamon’s,” she speculated. There was still no sign of what Aamon’s curse was.

Their swim through the ocean was quieter than usual. They weren’t met with nearly as many creatures. Suds had eaten a good portion of marine life and anything that he hadn’t eaten was in hiding. Dagon slowed down the closer they got to the trench. As they plunged into the dark depths, her form shifted slightly so that the scales on her tail and torso and the tips of her hair glowed with bioluminescence. Normally other bioluminescent creatures floated down here too giving the appearance of a bunch of floating lanterns, but they were all in hiding now leaving Dagon as the only source of light. She navigated her way through the caverns with ease before pausing briefly at one not too far away from Suds. She had Beel help her create a few seals, making sure to not develop their brains since they would only be used as shark feed. Once the brainless seals were made, she hauled them over her shoulder and gestured for Beel to stay in the shadows for a bit.

She approached the massive shark as he chewed on the whale bone. “Hey, friend,” she smiled and set the seals down next to the whale carcass. “I brought you some snacks.” She held out her hand to him and waited for him to gesture that it was okay for her to approach. When he gave her the cue, she swam closer and ran her hand along his snout to say hello. She gave him some affection, briefly taking the time to assess him for any new injuries. “You look well.” She patted his snout before giving him some space. “Eat up. We’re going to have a visitor.”

BEELZEBUB: "I think Andy would appreciate that as much as Gabe does." It was a benefit to both of them if Zoph stayed out of trouble, and Gabe could always use more reason to do less work. He nodded when she said the creature wasn't easily forgotten. He was more in line with her second thought, that maybe God made them forget the creature, but even if that was the case, why would they only rediscover it now?

"That's a good idea," he agreed when she said she was going to check on him later. Things like this didn't always catch up to you until later. He might've been too hyped up on adrenaline to really feel the panic of a near death experience. He grimaced at her description. It really did sound like the war. When he fought in the war, it was how he'd left things too when he fought in his larger form. He hadn't even had to use a weapon aside from himself, and it just left bodies like that everywhere. When he got off the battlefield, he threw up some of the corpses that got stuck in his mouth. Laute was usually there to clean them away, so he didn't have to see them for long. Unfortunately for Dagon, she had to deal with that herself, and she was far more empathic than Laute. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, but there was nothing you could've done for them at that point." Gabriel probably would have said something about how she could've kept Suds away from people if she told them all about him, and Beel was glad he wasn't here right now.

"I guess I should specify sustainable on earth then." He wasn't really bothered by the fact that they couldn't live on earth. "It was very nice of her to let them stay there. Maybe that's where Suds came from. If he was one of my old creations, maybe he slipped out of Eden. I know we're on better terms with heaven, but maybe they're trying to cover up his escape from there." It still didn't seem that reasonable, and it didn't explain why Suds would respond so well to battle directives or have war wounds.

Beel's shark form allowed him to swim through the water unbothered. He didn't glow like Dagon, but he didn't struggle to see in the dark, with or without Dagon glowing. As they stopped and he made almost lifeless seals for her, he considered the fact that he'd probably be doing this for a while. If they found a way to keep her shark, they'd need to make food for it almost constantly. It wouldn't be allowed to just keep eating angels.

He stuck close to the cavern walls as Dagon went into the opening where her shark was. From his vantage point he had to get a little closer to see around the tunnel, but what he did see was massive. He'd heard the description that the beast was big, but this was bigger than even his megalodon. In fact, it was almost as big as he was when he fought in the war. Obviously there were differences between him and the beast, but he could see why Dagon would think this was one of his creations. He waited patiently where he felt he'd be unseen until Dagon would tell him it was okay to come forward. He didn't want to startle the guy into attacking. He felt like he even he might struggle against it in a fight.

SUDS: Suds dropped the whale carcass when he heard Dagon calling out to him. He had already been eating, but his hunger never really stopped. He waited until she was away from the seals to drop down and swallow them whole before returning back to where he was.  She was so small compared to him, but he still liked the affection he got from her. He didn't always understand it, but she felt familiar to him, some times more than others. He at least knew he felt comfortable around her. She wasn't the only presence there though. He looked past her to the tunnel she'd just come through. He could feel something else familiar there. He swam towards it to figure out what it was.

DAGON: “There’s always one chaotic sibling in a bundle, but I think he’d give me an easier time than he does Gabe and Andy.” At least Zoph seemed to have an awkward little crush on both her and Beel. That made it easier to redirect him. Given what had just happened to him and the fact that he couldn’t really talk openly about it, Dagon figured he’d need someone he could talk to. So, offering to keep track of him had a dual purpose of giving Gabe and Andy a break and providing Zoph with a safe outlet to talk about what happened. She tried to maintain her composure when Beel assured her there was nothing she could’ve done for those people, but still a single tear made its way down her cheek. “I know, I know,” she replied softly. “I’m going to fix it. We’re going to get Suds help so it won’t happen again.” She was mostly trying to reassure herself at this point. “If he did escape from Eden, I’m not giving him back though. Finders keepers. He’s mine.” Granted, it was Suds who technically found her but she still thought the philosophy counted.

She observed as Suds swam closer to where Beel’s energy was coming from. He’d clocked him, but he wasn’t attacking which was a good sign. Dagon swam closer to Suds and placed her hand on the base of his pectoral fin to let him know she was there. She was absolutely dwarfed by the fin, but her glow could still be seen next to him. She took in the emotional temperature of the room. Things were still calm. “You can come out now,” she told Beel. She kept her hand on Suds, but slowly started swimming toward his snout as Beel’s presence filled the room. She stopped when she was finally able to see Beel over the massive shark. “Suds, this is my friend Beelzebub. He’s here to help. Beel, this is my friend Suds.”

BEELZEBUB & SUDS: "Usually several," he agreed. His family had Asmo, Gears, and Lucifer. Hers had Andras and Dagon (As much as Dagon could be reasonable, she also did things like this where she took in exceedingly dangerous animals). The Avanis had Zoph and sometimes Declan. He felt sympathetic to Dagon as the tears slipped out, but he knew there wasn't much he could say to comfort her on it. The way she said help almost made it sounds like he was a person who just needed to go to therapy. It was hard to grasp when most animals didn't have that much intellect to really understand trauma. Beel held his hands up innocently and chuckled. "I don't think anyone would take him away from you if that was the case, so long as we're able to keep him under control." Heaven was a little more lenient now. Beel knew that Michael was trying to get on better terms with Dagon too, and if there was a way to do that, letting her keep one of her pets was certainly a good start. Beel just didn't think Michael would let that come at the cost of (mostly) innocent lives.

Beel waited for Dagon's signal before swimming out into the open. His form changed to become more humanoid, but still shark-like, like if there was a shark version of a mermaid. He grew larger, so he wasn't just a speck to the shark like Dagon was now. It didn't seem that it was necessary though. No matter his size, Suds eyes were locked on him. The shark didn't seem to be listening to Dagon as he swam slowly closer to Beelzebub. Their heads tilted in unison as they observed each other, doing the same thing to tilt their heads the other way. Beel moved around the shark to observe it's distinctive features and injuries, and Suds circled around him as well. They both stopped at the same time after making their observations of each other. Despite them both behaving so similarly, they arrived at two different conclusions.

SUDS: After what happened to Suds, so much had been lost of his mind. He'd been hurt physically, but that was nothing compared to the mental damage. There were certain triggers for his memories. The auroras the other night had made him remember his brother who was gone. He couldn't remember his name anymore, just a sort of echo of his laughter and also a scraping headache of his dying screams. He'd been sad at first until the memory of the being that took him away infuriated him. The fury replaced the memories until he forgot everything again, but he was starting to remember more the more time he spent in this universe. He remembered the man in front of him. He didn't just feel like a reflection of himself. This man was him, before it had gotten so bad. A deep wave of sorrow passed over him, similar to what he and Dagon had experienced the other night under the northern lights. He remembered being that man, having a life. He remembered snippets of a family with Dagon. The memories weren't perfect, but their children had been. Even without remembering them fully, he felt the sorrow of missing them. If it was possible for a shark to cry underwater, he would've been. He pressed forward into Beel. It was the closest he could get to comforting himself and receiving comfort from himself.

BEELZEBUB: For Beel, he felt an almost immediate kinship with the shark. It wasn't just because it was a shark, but Suds felt oddly familiar to him. He reminded him a lot of himself, and he wondered if maybe God had copied the form he used to fight in during the war. The injuries the shark had were similar to ones he'd gotten in the past, but there were certain details that didn't match that either. For one, this wasn't a land shark like he'd been, and Suds also didn't give off the same type of energy as Beel either. He could tell that it seemed to recognize him, but there was also something . . . off about it. Suds felt wrong. Beel wasn't afraid of the shark, but something about it gave him chills, like a sailor sensing an oncoming storm. He looked over at Dagon to tell her what he'd determined when Suds charged at him. Underwater, Beel didn't have any sort of footing to stop himself from being pushed back. His arms wrapped around Suds's snout, holding on until he was pushed up against the cavern wall. "Woah there, buddy." He patted Suds as he nuzzled against him. He clearly wasn't being aggressive, but a giant shark still held a lot of power. He patted Suds on the nose and pushed him back, so he could properly address Dagon. "I have no idea where he came from."

DAGON: Dagon hoped he was right because she wasn't giving up Suds without a fight. She worked hard to train him and if they took him any progress he made would be gone. More importantly, she was attached to him. She'd given up plenty of things during the war and she was done reconciling her losses.

She swam closer to the walls of the cavern as Beel made himself larger. Suddenly the space felt very small and she wished she would've coaxed Suds out to open water, but this was the safest place for them to do this. She made herself slightly bigger mostly so she wouldn't be crushed by anyone's fin. That might've been the way Andras wanted to go but it definitely wasn't the way she wanted to. More light filled the room and illuminated the space. She watched with mild amusement as the two beings surveyed each other in paralleling motions. It was like watching two Golden Retrievers assess each other. As she watched them side by side there was no denying that this was Beel's creation.

Her amusement faded though as she felt a wave of sadness coming from Suds. The unexpected intensity of it stung at her chest. It felt like the air was knocked out of her lungs for a moment. She felt it magnifying her own powers. "Suds..." she started swimming toward him again, but froze as he started to charge into Beel. Was this it? Was the switch going to flip to rage like it had last night? Please, please, please don't. From her vantage point, she couldn't see much but she eased when she observed that the movements weren't violent in nature. The sadness in Suds chest seemed to ease but only by a fraction. As Beel pushed him back, Dagon swam forward. "Hey there, ocean eyes..." she hugged his snout by curling most of herself around it. "It's okay..." she uncoiled herself but continued to give him reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

She nodded when Beel said he had no idea where Suds came from. "That's okay, we'll figure it out. Like you said, our childhood was a weird time. Are you okay?" He seemed a little spooked and confused, but Dagon couldn't blame him. It had to be weird to be confronted by something that was clearly his with no recollection of having made it. Given what had happened to Beel and the fact that they were sheltering in a space that was created through his trauma, it was possible Suds came from that same deeply traumatized space of Beel's mind.

Suds was still pretty elevated as she kissed and petted his snout. "You did good, friend," she assured him. "Can you make him something to eat?" she asked Beel before turning her attention back to the shark. "It's all right," she soothed. "I'm taking you home where it's safe and we'll figure it out."

BEELZEBUB: Beel nodded when Dagon said that they'd figure this out, but he still felt unsettled by all of this. "Yeah, I'm okay. I doubt he could do much to hurt me anyways." He knew that wasn't what Dagon had meant. She probably felt his emotions as well as Suds, and what he was feeling was a mixture of confusion and fear. He didn't really know what he was afraid of. He wasn't afraid of Suds hurting him or anything like that. The shark clearly felt some form of attachment to him, but it was like he was a bad omen. Of what, Beel didn't know. There was also the fact that he didn't remember him. That in itself was concerning. His childhood was traumatizing, but he didn't usually have problems with forgetting. If anything, he struggled with trying to forget. He felt like it had to be something God made him forget, which just caused more pain for him. It was another one of his choices that God just ripped away from him. He wouldn't have just abandoned Suds if he knew about him. He patted the sharks snout. "I'm sorry. You deserved better than this," he said sorrowfully, though maybe part of his sadness came from Dagon's depression manifestation. It was hard to tell.

"Yeah, I can do that." He moved down to the lower half of the cavern to start creating more food for him. Dagon had said he went on a rampage the last time he got sad.

SUDS: If he had a better understanding of language, Suds might've had a reaction to what Beel said. He didn't understand that Beel didn't know who he was. All he could tell was that Beel didn't understand what he meant. He didn't know what was coming for him, and that also made him sad. Maybe with more time, he could gain back more of himself. If he could remember more of who he was, he could warn him before it got too bad, but he was mostly just an animal. As Dagon redirected him and comforted him, his mind became hazier and less focused. The cognition usually only came in small bursts anyways before he felt almost brain dead again. He took the food that Beel had made, chomping down on it and releasing more blood into the water. As he chewed on it, he nuzzled up against Dagon while she petted him. Like with Beel, it pushed her back into the wall, but he wasn't pushing too hard to crush her.

GABRIEL: While Beel and Dagon had been having lunch earlier, Gabriel and Andy had been watching from a distance. Luckily, Gabe literally had the eyes of a hawk, so they could stay far enough away without being seen. After what had happened the previous night, Gabriel decided to switch up his methods. It was obvious that hunting the monster wasn't doing them any good. The beast singled out his units, and he could never get there in time to save them. He hadn't even been able to see the thing himself yet, but from the committee meeting today, he knew that Dagon knew where it was. It wasn't really his intention to kill the creature, but he couldn't let it kill any more people, angels, humans, or otherwise. He thought that Eden would've been a better place for it. She housed all sorts of environments and all levels of dangerous creatures. The giant shark might've been massive, but her garden was ever growing. She could've made sure it had all the food it needed without it having to hurt anyone.

The trouble was just catching it. Dagon hadn't been willing to tell him anything about it, nor would she admit to having it. He wouldn't have cared about her keeping most creatures. She was usually good at keeping dangerous things, but it felt like she was really dropping the ball on this one. It was killing so many people, his people, and it was like she didn't even care. He wasn't all that close to her, nor did he know her life or what she was going through, but it frustrated him to no end that it felt like she was just letting these things happen. A part of him considered that she just had no control over the situation, which made this all worse. If she couldn't keep her beast from eating other angels, what if it got hungry enough to turn around and eat her? He had already started taking more and more of his soldiers away from the water. As much as he would've liked them to help with protecting the humans and replenish the oceans with more food for the creature to focus on instead of the humans and angels, they were losing more lives than they were saving. It wasn't sustainable, but it made it more likely that the shark would get hungrier. He was frankly scared for Dagon's sake, and she wouldn't talk to him about it. He unfortunately had to take the sneakier route. He wouldn't let her die just because she wouldn't ask for help.

He wasn't surprised to see Dagon talking to Beel after the committee. They were both close, and it made sense that she'd meet him for lunch. What he didn't expect was that Beel looked like he was involved in this too. He considered for a moment that if Beel was involved in this, then Dagon might've actually had some protection from danger, but if he was involved, why wasn't he speaking up about this either? Gabriel still needed to investigate then. "They're moving," he told Andy who had accompanied him. It had originally been his plan to have Andy pull Dagon away while he dealt with the shark, but with Beel there, he hoped it'd be less of an issue. After giving Dagon and Beel a moment to make some distance, Gabriel flew down to the shore and dove into the water. His body changed form to work as something more aquatic, a sea kelpie. It allowed him to blend in to the ocean background a little more and stay out of sight of Dagon and Beel.

It got harder as they got into deeper waters. Gabriel didn't really ever go down this far, and it was getting really dark. Thankfully, Dagon's form was glowing, and for a while, it was leading them right to her. Unfortunately, as they got deeper into the sea caverns of the trench, more aquatic life was getting in their way. He wondered at first if maybe Dagon and Beel had caught onto them, but they kept going anyways. "Where did they go?" He muttered quietly to Andy, trying to keep his voice low, so Dagon and Beel wouldn't hear him if they were around. It took them some time, but eventually they came to an opening.

A light glow illuminated some of the cavern enough for Gabriel to see the giant shark. "Fuck," he muttered. Even hearing about how big it was didn't prepare him for its size. Even as an archangel, he felt a little intimidated. He couldn't see where Beel was, but he could see the blood spilling out from the shark's mouth. That glow was coming from the same spot where the shark was chowing down. He recalled the glow they'd been following earlier. "Dagon!" Panic creeped into his throat. "He's eating her!" he told Andy as if she couldn't see the same thing he was seeing. "Get Dagon to safety if you can. I'll distract the shark." He swam forward toward the shark, summoning a spear that he threw right over the shark, intentionally only grazing the top of his skin. "Hey, get away from her!" he told the shark.

DAGON: Beel was rarely unsettled by things. There wasn’t much that they hadn’t seen in their long lives, but Suds was a first. His sorrow for the creature was genuine. Dagon squeezed his hand in silent reassurance. “We can’t fix what happened to him, but we can give a good life moving forward. I think your curse might just be adopting wayward souls with me.” Misunderstood, abandoned, and broken things always seemed to fall into their path. As Beel prepared food for the shark, Dagon continued to coo and babble soothing things mostly for Suds benefit, but occasional for Beel’s sake too. She always talked to her animals as if they could talk back. They never really responded but it didn’t matter. She went on to tell Suds about hell, making promises that they’d terraform him a big space with lots of food. She planned to get the kids involved in that part. They could use the practice designing marine life and ecosystems. Things were going to be okay. Suds emotions seemed to level out once he had food in his stomach. She laughed as he nuzzled her and accidently pushed her against the wall. She allowed him to keep her there as she continued to pet his snout.

ANDROMEDA: Today was a weird day, but she wasn’t surprised it was leading up to this. Dagon hadn’t really given them much of a choice. It was clear she knew where the monster was. Andromeda did not find her attempts to redirect them amusing in the least. It was hard to tell how many people had lost their lives simply because she was sitting on valuable information. So, she and Gabriel decided to follow the demon out to lunch, from a distance of course. Andy picked at her meal. Stakeouts were generally boring. For her vantage point, she could see that Beel and Dagon seemed engrossed in some kind of conversation and for his sake Andromeda hoped he was just giving her a detailed recipe for fish tacos, but Gabriel’s eyes confirmed that Beel’s involvement went deeper than that. She wondered if his ex had a habit of dragging him into things or if he was involved in it from the beginning. Hopefully he was at least telling her how dangerous and stupid this all was. Even Steve Irwin died doing Steve Irwin shit.

Andromeda followed Gabriel into the water and quickly changed into a merform so that they could follow Dagon and Beel. They had to maintain a good distance in order to not be detected. She and Gabe were protectors of nature, but neither were delusional enough to think they knew the ocean better than the two beings they were trailing. It was smooth sailing so to speak until they found themselves in the trench. It was easy to get lost in the caverns and Dagon and Beel were moving pretty quickly through the place. Thankfully, Dagon’s form had changed to allow for a faint glow but given how far ahead the two were, she mostly looked like a dot until she disappeared altogether. “She’s a depression demon. Maybe she’ll get sad enough for us to pick up her energy.” The two angels continued to travel downward as if they were entering some new circle of hell until they eventually saw that faint glow. Sure enough, it was followed by a slight melancholy energy.

Andromeda peered over Gabriel in time to see the giant shark. At first, she thought maybe it was Beel given its size but then she noticed the blood and how close it was to the faint glowing light. Andy nodded at the command to get Dagon, or whatever remained of her, away from the beast. As Gabriel threw his spear, Andy sprang forward and started barreling for the glowing mermaid.

DAGON: She was just about to get up from her spot and tell Beel that it was probably time to try to move Suds out to hell, but then a spear came flying just above Suds. It landed in the sand not too far from Dagon. The demon froze as she heard someone shout her name. It was stupid given how long he’d been dead now, but her first thought was Poseidon. “Beel!” she shouted as she backed herself further into the cavern wall. “Beel!” But it wasn’t Beel that she saw charging toward her. Her brows furrowed in confusion as she tried to process Andromeda Avani coming right at her. “The fuck…”

BEELZEBUB: He appreciated the assurance Dagon was trying to give him, but he wasn't sure he could be comforted him on feelings he didn't quite understand himself. "I don't doubt that. I know that we can help him, but . . . I don't know. I just have this bad feeling. Something about the way he looked at me." He sighed. "I'll figure it out later," he sighed. Like Dagon had before, he really doubted that Suds was his curse. "It doesn't feel like a curse to adopt them," though sometimes it did make him wonder what could have been, and that hurt sometimes. He had moved on from Dagon, but that didn't necessarily mean he moved on from wanting a life like that again. He just went to work on making food as he listened to Dagon talk to Suds.

SUDS & GABRIEL: Suds had been through a lot of pain in his life. He'd been attacked and prodded, but most of it didn't actually do too much to him. As he snuggled up to Dagon, he felt the sharp sting of a blade scrape across his back. He didn't voice any pain. Sharks weren't known to make sounds, but he swirled around, chomping his teeth in the direction that the weapon had come from. He saw two figures. One stirred up more memories than the other. He recognized his brother, but the last time he had seen Gabriel had been after he died, and the Void strung up his corpse like a puppet to use against them. Suds wasn't going to let him hurt them again. He charged forward at him, only to notice the other one with him charging at Dagon. He froze for a second, looking between Andy and Gabriel, back and forth all in the span of a second before he charged at Andy.

Gabriel expected for the shark to come straight after him, most creatures didn't have much genuine thought besides just reactions, but he saw cognition in the sharks eyes for a moment. The problem was that it was considering who to kill, and unfortunately, it chose his best friend. "Andy, watch out!" he shouted at her. He swam forward, making it just in time to tackle her out of the way of the barreling shark.

Suds, being unable to turn that well in this space, slammed into the cavern wall. It shook the entire sea cavern and smashed a hole into the cavern wall. Debris rained down throughout the cavern but eventually settled. Suds shook himself before turning to the intruders. All real thought seemed to leave him, every one except for killing. He was full of rage now. It was all that he was. He only waited a second before charging at Gabriel and Andy again.

"Shit!" Gabriel muttered. He couldn't see Dagon through the debris, but he knew they couldn't go after her at the moment, not while the shark was after them. He hoped that Beel was nearby and could help her, but he couldn't see well enough to count on it. He assumed they must've split up at some point after he and Andy had lost sight of them. All they could do now was pull the shark away from Dagon and come back for her. Gabriel looked behind him at the cavern tunnels. They could try to lose it through there. "Hold on!" He told Andy. He shifted back into the form of Kelpie, so she could ride on his back. Once she had a good grip on him, he swam back through the tunnels as quick as he could. "We'll get back to Dagon after we get it away from her," he promised Andy.

Suds had no problem chasing after the two. All he saw was red. He'd nicked Gabriel's tail, and it was leaving a blood trail right to him. He raced through the cavern tunnels after him, going so fast that he couldn't turn well, and he crashed into walls several times. He didn't plan to let him get out of this alive.

BEELZEBUB: Beel had been focused on making food, letting it float up to Suds whenever he finished one. It was actually a fairly soothing process until he heard the sound of something hitting the sand, followed by a shout, the sound of chomping teeth, and Dagon calling his name. She sounded panicked, and he swam up from where he was quickly, following Dagon's glow. Suds was so massive that it was hard to see around him. All that Beel could see was that he rammed a wall and then fled down one of the tunnels. He made it to Dagon's side right after that. She didn't appear injured from what he could tell, but she looked just as confused as he felt. "Are you okay?" he asked. "What just happened? Where did Suds go?" He glanced over at the sand where a spear was stabbed into the ground. He recognized the design of the weapon. It stayed there for a moment before it recalled back to its owner. "Gabriel was here?"

DAGON & ANDROMEDA: She glanced at Suds when Beel remarked that there was something unnerving about the way the shark had looked at him. There were times she felt that way too about the creature, but she’d written it off as her imagination. When you treated creatures with a sense of personhood, it sometimes felt like they took on those qualities. But Beel had spent maybe 15 minutes with the shark and was seeing it too so perhaps there was some validity to what she was feeling. There was too much left for them to do and process so she left that thought alone for now. They could talk about it in the morning. She smiled when he remarked that it didn’t feel like a curse. She was going to ask if he was sure Murmur’s lack of a filter didn’t feel like a curse, but she knew what he would say. He loved those kids as if they were his own. Instead, she hugged him and held on a bit longer because he looked like he needed it before letting him go. Making food always helped him process whatever he needed to process.

Things were calm for a while until they weren't. Suds was quick to react to the spear by flashing his teeth at the individual who’d thrown it. But as soon as he saw that this was a two-fold attack, he turned his attention to the individual that was coming right at Dagon. “No, no, no…” Panic filled Dagon’s chest. “Andromeda go!”

Andy barely had time to react to the shark turning its attention to her. All she could see was rows upon rows of teeth with bits of flesh still stuck to them. Fear filled every bone in her body, but it did not paralyze her. She was about to draw up her own spear when Gabriel tackled her out of the way. The massive creature slammed into the wall as Gabriel pulled Andy forward and they went speeding down one of the open tunnels.

Dagon avoided the falling debris, but she couldn’t see anything over it. “Suds no!” she called after him once she caught a glimpse of his fin disappearing down the tunnel after Gabriel and Andy. A moment later, Beel was next to her. She was still trying to process what just happened, but she nodded to let him know she was okay. “Andromeda too. They must’ve followed us. I-I didn’t feel their presence until just now. I think they misunderstood Suds intentions and thought I was under attack,” she explained. She pushed herself off the cavern wall. “The switch flipped. He’s going to kill them. We have to get them into one of the smaller caverns.” They could mask Gabriel and Andy’s energy in one of the smaller spaces and ride out the wave until Suds calmed down. “They went this way, come on!”

Andromeda held onto Gabriel as he bolted through the tunnel in his kelpie form, but the beast was following closely behind them. All it would take was for them to hit a dead end and they would be shark food. The angel manifested her golden bow and arrow and took aim. She was hoping to take out the shark’s eye and temporarily blind him, but it was hard to get a good aim when they were moving so quickly through the water. She released her arrow, but it lodged into the shark’s dorsal fin instead of his eye. “He’s gaining on us!” she replied as she held on more tightly to Gabe. They needed to get out of this trench before it became their funeral hole.

BEELZEBUB: Beel took in his surroundings as Dagon told him what she knew. Beel hadn't spent much time with Suds, but it wasn't hard to understand the giant shark after spending even more than a minute with him. There was still blood all around Dagon from the seals Suds had been eating. He could see how that might've made it seem like Dagon was being mauled, but if Gabe and Andy had been following them, surely they would've known he was here. Beel wouldn't have just let something happen to her, but of course Gabe and Andy were already coming into this with their own ideas of Suds. They probably thought she got in over her head, but it didn't really matter right now. What mattered was what Suds thought, which was that they came to attack him in his territory. Beel looked in the direction that they fled through. There was a thin trail of red. He smelled the water as they followed after the group.

"Dagon . . ." he started. Concern and a little bit of fear filled his voice. "Gabe's bleeding. Suds isn't just angry. He's in a frenzy. And if he can actually make Gabe bleed. . ." It meant that Suds wasn't just a danger to angels but to archangels too. Beel had known that Suds was almost as large as he could be, but he didn't think he actually had the power of one. Beel didn't have much room to think that deeply as they swam through the tunnels, but thought of Suds's origins were troubling him once again. He wondered if maybe he'd broken off a piece of himself to make the beast. Maybe that was why he couldn't remember it. Maybe it took the memories with it. He still wasn't going to let it kill Andy or his brother. "We can cut them off this way!" He told Dagon as he turned down a tunnel that seemed at first like it was going in the opposite direction as the shark. "We wait here," he said as they got to a certain part of the tunnels. Beel could hear them coming in their direction. He made himself a little bigger, so he could keep Suds from going forward if he kept going down this way.

GABRIEL: Gabriel did his best to speed through the tunnels, but he was unfamiliar with them. Having a passenger was slowing him down, and so was the fact that his caudal fin, the main thing that propelled him through the water, had a tear in it and was bleeding. He didn't know if Andy was aware of it, but as long as blood was coming out of that, the shark would keep finding him. He was putting her in more danger by keeping her with him. Still, he kept swimming because it was all he could do to keep them both alive for now. "I know! I'm going as fast as I can!" he told Andy. He was praying on everything that they wouldn't come on a dead end.

His prayers seemed answered when he could see two specks down one of the tunnels. It was Dagon and Beel. He was relieved to see that Dagon was okay. Beel must've found her in time and healed her. The problem was that the shark was still close to his tail. He couldn't just lead it back to them. If he did, they might all be dead. He tried to keep an eye on his surroundings, even as he was barreling forward so fast. There was a split in the tunnels right before the tunnel where Dagon and Beel were. "Andy, I need you to trust me and let go of my mane." As he approached the split, he bucked her off towards the tunnel where Dagon and Beel were, using as much force as he could to make sure she got to them, before he went down the other tunnel. He couldn't turn all that well, and he hit the cavern wall. He did his best to recover and start swimming away, but Suds was faster. Gabriel screamed as Suds slammed him back into the wall. The cavern shook again, and the wall crumbled, blocking Dagon, Beel, and Andy from getting back to him this way. Thankfully, the debris falling provided Gabe a little bit of cover, so the shark couldn't find him immediately in it. Gabe was injured more though. He started swimming away, but the shark got the scent of his blood again. The chase was back on.

DAGON & ANDROMEDA: Dagon paused as Beel surveyed the scene. Suds had done enough damage to make Gabriel bleed? “That’s not…” she shook her head as she tried to process that. Most, if not all, the animals in creation couldn’t successfully bit down hard enough to actually tear into an Archangel. Even beings manifested by angels like her snakes barely caused a dent. “He can’t…” but he had. Where did this shark come from? She didn’t have much time to think on it as they continued to zoom down the tunnels. Archangels healed at a faster rate than regular angels but Suds had caught Gabriel’s scent. He was marked regardless. Dagon just hoped he’d heal fast enough to stand a fighting chance against the shark. She turned sharply to follow Beel down one of the tunnels, stopping where he’d indicated they could wait. “Two-fold barrier then?” she asked as Beel made himself slightly bigger. She figured he was going to ram the wall once Gabe and Andy were close enough. She could draw up wardings in front of the debris to act as a second barrier. She hoped that would exhaust Suds enough to be in a state where they could calm him down. It didn’t take long before she saw the spec that was Gabriel with Andromeda on his back followed by the massive monolith that was Suds. “Oh, they’re coming in hot,” she grimaced and got into position.

Andromeda furrowed her brows when Gabe said that he was going as fast as he could. She knew Gabriel’s speeds. He could go much faster. It only took her a split second to realize why he wasn’t going faster. She glanced backwards, regretting it slightly because every time she looked back the shark seemed to be closer than before, but now that she was concentrating on Gabriel she could see the injury to his fin. “Gabe you’re—” she whirled sharply when he asked her to trust him and let go of his mane. “Don’t you fucking dare, Gabriel!” Unfortunately, her protests were of no use. He bucked hard and despite her efforts, she couldn’t stay on. A moment later, she was skirting to a stop next to Dagon. “GABRIEL!” her screams shook the cavern as Gabriel pivoted down a different tunnel. Andy jumped forward to follow him again.

“Oh, what the fuck!” Dagon gave Beel an exasperated look when his brother suddenly changed tracks. She began tailing Andy, but just as they got to the mouth of the tunnel Gabe had entered, it collapsed in and blocked them out.

Andromeda slammed into the debris a couple times but the wall barely budged. She whirled on the two Princes standing before her. “I’m not losing another brother. Help me!” She slammed into the wall again and again.

Dagon gave her an empathetic look. Andromeda’s panic was deep and Dagon couldn’t blame her. She’d be the same way if something happened to her friends. She placed a hand on her shoulder.“Stop,” she told her. “It’ll take too long that way.” She glanced at Beel. “I think there’s a path on the lefthand side that converges with that tunnel.”

“You think?”

Dagon ignored the snippy remark. Andromeda was upset and scared and it was easy to lash out at them. “Go find your brother,” she told Beel. “But please be careful.” Gabriel was clearly drinking from the trough of stupid.

BEELZEBUB: Dagon was struggling with the reality of what her shark was capable of, but it didn't matter. That was the reality, but while it was horrifying, they didn't have the time to process it. He nodded when Dagon asked him his plans, but she didn't need him to answer to start working. She knew what he was doing. He prepared himself for Gabriel and Andy to come to them, but Gabriel wasn't reading from the same book that Dagon was. He should've come right to them, but instead, he veered down another path, throwing Andy to them instead. "Dammit, Gabe!" Beel muttered as he glanced at Andromeda. She looked like she was in far better shape than Gabriel, aside from being panicked and pissed off. He was going to tell Dagon to hold her back while he went after Gabriel and Suds, but then the walls came tumbling down. It was like the shark had the same plan he'd had. It was hard to tell if it was intentional or not. Sharks didn't usually think like that, but this wasn't an ordinary shark. Beel pushed on the wall to test it's strength, but even with him, there wasn't anywhere to move it. His guess was that it filled the tunnel far back. They'd be digging all day if they tried to get through this way, and by that time it would be too late.

Beel didn't think Andy would appreciate any comfort from Dagon, but it was better that they stay close to each other. He gave Dagon a look to tell her to make sure that Andy didn't get in the middle of this. "I will, but I don't plan on losing my brother either," he was speaking to Dagon, but he wanted Andy to hear that too. They both had family in danger here, and he wanted her to be aware that he was going to do everything to keep him alive. He turned around and swam quickly down the tunnel to find his brother.

GABRIEL: Gabriel's injuries were seriously slowing him down now, and with these tunnels so dark, he could barely see where he was going. He was pretty sure one of his arms was broken, but he couldn't stop. The shark was hot on his trail. They were both like fish in a glass case, bumping into the walls they couldn't see. The caverns were shaking constantly, debris raining down on them, but it didn't slow down the shark like it did for him. If he turned around, he was sure he'd see the shark's teeth right at his neck. "Beel!" Gabriel called out, hoping his brother would hear him and come to help him. Gabriel might not have thought it through on separating from the others, but he was smart enough to know that he couldn't actually fight this shark on his own.

GABRIEL & BEELZEBUB: "Gabe!" Beel called back to his brother, thankful to even hear his voice. "Follow my voice!" He hoped his brother would be able to. Caverns like this had a tendency to pass sound around strangely.

Gabriel did his best to listen to which way the sounds were coming from, but that was hard when he was also trying to avoid being eaten alive. "I'm trying! But I don't know how long I can keep going!"

"That's okay!" Beel tried to keep his voice calm, so he didn't scare Gabriel even more. He was also aware that Andy and Dagon weren't far behind him, and he didn't want to give Andy any more reason to jump into something she couldn't win. "You just have to meet me halfway! I'll get to you, I promise!"

Gabriel turned another corner quickly. Thankfully, the shark had more trouble turning. It went careening down a different tunnel, allowing Gabriel some more distance between them, but this wasn't the time to be relieved. He kept swimming towards his brother's voice, not looking back to see how close the shark was. "Are Dagon and Andy okay?"

Beel resisted saying something bitter about how they were never in as much danger as he was now. "Yes, they're fine. Just worry about getting yourself here now!" His voice was really close now. After going a little further, he could finally see him. Gabriel looked awful. His arm was bent oddly. The tear in his tail had gotten bigger, and he was covered in blood. The more concerning thing was . . . where was Suds? It didn't seem likely that he would just give up the hunt in the middle of a frenzy.

Gabriel saw that Beel stopped, and he stopped himself. Looking behind him, he was relieved to finally not see a giant shark chasing him. He felt like he was going to collapse. He sighed, slowly moving towards Beel. He could see Andy not too far behind Beel. He waved at all of them to let them know that he was okay. "Thank H-"

"NO!" Beel screamed as Suds came down through a tunnel that let out right above Gabriel. He opened his mouth as he plummeted straight down, chomping down once the archangel was in his mouth.

Gabriel let out a gasp as he lost every bit of air he had. When Suds raised his head back up, Gabriel's body hung half in and half out of the shark's mouth. He could feel the teeth slicing into his sides, and he screamed in pain. Suds didn't just swallow him down like most of his prey. It was like he was aware this time that his food might survive if he just tried to swallow it whole. He shook Gabriel's body first, spreading Gabriel's blood all around. Then he swayed his head from side to side to slam the body into the cavern walls. Gabriel wasn't screaming anymore. His body swung limply and lifelessly. Beel felt nauseous, but he was furious. He didn't accept Gabriel being dead, and he wasn't going to let this shark take his brother's life. He rushed forward at the same size as Suds, and he slammed into the shark, biting into his side. Suds tail whipped around to smack Beel away. He no longer saw Beel the way he had before. He was an enemy now. He swum around to circle Beel before lunging at him too. There wasn't much room to dodge in here, and he took a bite at Beel's side too. They both charged head to head, kicking up debris all around them. They looked so similar, it would've been hard to tell which one was which except for the fact that Suds still had Gabriel in his mouth, at least at first. As the fight went on, Gabriel fell deeper into Suds mouth. If things kept going as they were, Gabriel would be swallowed, and Beel didn't think they'd be able to get him out like Dagon did for Zoph. Beel looked back at Dagon for just a second. "I'm sorry, Dagon." He told her before his body changed from that of a shark to a merman. Archangel blade in hand, he stabbed upwards into the shark's heart. Suds squirmed for a moment before dropping lifelessly. Beel shrunk back down to his normal size. He pulled Gabriel out of Suds's teeth, carrying his body back to Andromeda. He grimaced as he moved. Gabriel had intense injuries, but there were plenty of marks to speak of the fight Beel just went through. A full chunk of skin had been peeled off his side, but he wasn't as bad off as his little brother. "He's alive, but you won't find anyone to do that here. Take him to Raph as quick as you can." Beel himself had used up too much energy and was too injured to be able to help Gabe anymore than he had, and Dagon was going to be going through too much pain to be able to help too. "And make sure he hears hell about this when he wakes up."

ANDROMEDA & DAGON: Dagon nodded at the silent order to keep herself and Andromeda out of the way. She was well aware this fight was far and above their skill range. She could only hope Andromeda would cooperate. She and Gabriel didn’t seem to be playing on the same chess board as Dagon and Beel were at the moment. She knew what Beel meant when he said he wasn’t planning on losing another brother either. She trusted that he’d find a non-violent way to get Gabe away from Suds, but if it came down to it she wouldn’t ask him to sacrifice his brother for this. She nodded her understanding. “Do what you need to do. Just come back in one piece.”

She watched as he swam away to find Gabriel. Andromeda was about to follow him but Dagon grabbed her shoulder. “Andy, we have to stay here. We can make ourselves useful in other ways. Gabe’s injured he’s going to need—"

Andromeda shoved Dagon’s hand off of her before whirling to look at her. Dagon stopped talking and the two stared at each other for a moment. In Andromeda’s opinion, Dagon’s was way too composed for someone who they thought had just been mauled by a shark. She didn’t have a scratch on her, her snakes weren’t even standing at a defensive position, and given how quickly she and Beel had shown up to the scene Beel wouldn’t have had time to heal her with that kind of precision. “You were never in any danger, were you?”

“No,” Dagon answered honestly. “Not from him, anyway.” But now they all were.

“It’s your pet, isn’t it? That’s why you’ve been holding back this entire time.” Her jaw clenched. “Where did it come from?” Gabriel was risking his life and it was all because Dagon didn’t want to tell them about her massive, angel eating pet. So they were going to talk about it now. “Did Beel make it for you? Is that why he’s involved?”

“He is my friend,” Dagon replied only for Andromeda to scoff. Dagon, again, ignored it though it was starting to test her patience. “Beel doesn’t recall making him. And before you ask he didn’t know about Suds before today.”

“You named it? Might as well have gone with Scrub Daddy.” She was exasperated. This thing was killing her entire unit and had Gabe locked in a pursuit, and yet Dagon was treating it like it was her pet.

“Yes, I named him. And I was training him—”

“Well, phenomenal work, Your Highness. Do you know how much destruction it caused last night? Or within the span of the last three months? Do you know how many friends I’ve lost? Do you even care?”

“Of course I care!” Her snakes snapped along with the sharpness of the words. “I’ve been trying to redirect you and Gabriel for months now to pull your unit out and focus on repopulating the marine life population. If you’d just listen—”

“If you’d just told us from the beginning we—”

“You’d what, Andromeda? Every step of the way today you and Gabriel have been in over your head and underestimating me the whole way through. I’m supposed to believe what? That you’d let me have any agency or control of the situation? That you wouldn’t shut me out? It was your best friend…the person you consider a brother, lied to my face about my best friend and the person that I consider my sibling. And you expect me to trust him just because some time’s passed?”

“Beelzebub did the same fucking thing and yet—”

“I’ve made Beel suffer for his bullshit plenty. And if you haven’t noticed, he didn’t get dragged into this until today for the exact same reason. Trust is earned, Andy. It’s not given.”

Andy stared at Dagon with calm composure but Dagon could feel the storm of emotions brewing underneath the surface. “You’re right,” Andy replied a bit too calmly. “Trust is earned. And you haven’t earned mine.” Andromeda rammed her shoulder into Dagon’s which sent Dagon sideways long enough for Andy to start swimming in the direction of Beel’s voice. She wasn’t going to sit on the sidelines and lose another brother. She hadn’t been there for Ramiel, but she could be here for Gabriel.

Dagon sighed and collected herself. Her form shifted again, still maintaining its bioluminescence but her snakes were now of the more deadly variety. Andromeda had taken off in the direction that Beel went, but Dagon took a different path that she knew would lead to the same destination. She arrived just as Andy entered the cavern where Beel was. It was just about that same time that Gabe came into view. Andy was relieved to see him. The shark didn’t appear to be following him. He just needed to make it over the—she screamed as the shark bit down on Gabriel. Andromeda lurched forward but Dagon’s snakes shot out and coiled themselves around Andy’s arms and legs. They pulled the angel further away from the scene so as to give Beel space to handle the situation in front of them.

“Let me go!” Andromeda demanded but Dagon’s snakes didn’t budge. The more Andy fought against them, the tighter the coil got. Andy felt helpless as she watched the shark swing Gabriel around like a rag doll. She wanted to scream and throw up and cry all at once. The scene was brutal enough that even Dagon had to look away. It was worse once Gabe stopped screaming. “Dagon please!”

Dagon felt for Andy but she couldn’t let her go. She’d only get in the way and make it harder for Beel to save his brother. “Andromeda, I know that you’re scared but I need you to listen to me.” She wouldn’t ask her to trust her because that ship was not in the dock today. “He can wound an Archangel. That’s not a fight Gabriel wants you in…”

“Oh fuck off!” Andy yelled at her. “What do you know about what Gabe wants?”

“I can make some educated guesses.” Mainly that he wouldn’t want his friend to die. “What’s your plan? I let you go and then what? You ram the shark? You’ll bounce off of him like a rubber ball. There are limits to what we can do, Andy.”

There were apparently limits for what Beel could do to stop Suds too. Dagon’s attention turned away from Andromeda for a moment when Beel called her by name. She saw him pull out his Archangel blade. The bioluminescence faded slowly from Dagon’s form and her snakes released their grip on Andromeda. Andy was relieved to see the blade and slightly annoyed Beel hadn’t used it early. He was finally going to put an end to this. She grabbed Dagon to keep her from intervening just as Beel stabbed the shark through the chest. Dagon’s scream echoed through the chamber like a loaded gun releasing with it a wave of depressive energy that forced Andy to let go. Her chest felt hollow as Beel brought Gabriel’s limp body forward. She was crying as she collected him. He was alive but barely. “He’s going to wish he was in hell when I’m done,” she muttered. Now that there wasn’t a risk of bringing a killer shark home, she opened up a portal to Heaven. She was done with this trench and its caverns. She walked through the portal and sealed it behind her.

Dagon had gone to Suds the moment Andromeda let her go. Her emotions were elevated as she stared at his lifeless body. It wasn’t just Suds there. It was Honesty. It was Courage. It was Belgirel. It was Belphegor. It was everything and everyone she’d ever loved and lost. She wasn’t going to lose him. She couldn’t. She pulled off her power dampening rings and dropped to her knees beside the shark. She placed her hand firmly on the wound and began pushing her power into him. She was able to bring smaller animals back to life, but she never tired with anything this size. She let out a ferocious scream as she unleashed a wave of healing energy. “Come on…come on….” she grunted, black spidery veins crawled up her arm. She was pushing too hard. “Come on…please, Suds. Please wake up.”

BEELZEBUB: Beel felt the depressive forces not long after he stabbed Suds. He knew it was coming, but there was nothing that could really prepare you for that level of overwhelming depression. As an archangel, he had more defenses against it, but when he was already feeling guilty about what he had to do, it made those emotions ten times worse. It was a miracle he was able to stand (or swim as it was), let alone carry Gabriel back to Andromeda. They were all crying, except for Gabriel who was too unconscious to feel anything, lucky for him, though he wouldn't be so lucky when he woke up and Andy had her way with him. Beel might've felt guilty about Suds attacking him, but he didn't feel guilty about him having to experience that. He deserved it, but at least Andy would make sure he got the help he needed as she left with his body in her arms.

Beel felt like he was going to collapse once they were gone. Dagon was still radiating depressing energy, but he didn't feel like he could do anything about it. Normally he would help her. He would've drawn up a ward to stop some of the power she was emanating, both to protect everyone else and protect her from the guilt over the damages. The problem was that he had no energy. He was covered in injuries, and the energy Dagon was radiating wasn't held back by her power dampeners this time. He felt so guilty. He felt heartbroken for Suds. He might not have known the shark long, but he'd felt connected to him. It felt like killing family or tearing out a piece of himself. He should've found a way to save him. Now, he suffered, and Dagon was suffering too. He pushed himself through the pain and the sorrow to swim back to Dagon and Suds. He let himself slide down next to Dagon and he put on arm on hers. "Dagon, you need to stop. I'm sorry. He's gone. You're just hurting yourself."

DAGON: She only became aware of Beel once he was kneeling beside her. She shook her head when he told her she needed to stop. She didn't care if she was hurting herself. She wanted to hurt. She led Gabe and Andy here. She was the reason Gabe threw his spear. She was the cause of the pursuit. Suds was gone and it was her fault. She pushed her healing magic a little harder, but it only made her sick. She let go of Suds as she turned in the opposite direction of Beel and puked. "It's my fault," she whispered. “You deserved so much better. I’m sorry.”

She rested her forehead against Sud’s snout. He didn’t respond or nuzzle her back. He was so cold. She was sobbing profusely, and she could feel her power building. Normally she kept a tight leash on it. It had been a very long time since she had a meltdown, but this one was a long time coming. “You need to go, Beel,” she heaved. It wasn’t that she was angry at him. Her anger was directed at herself and at Gabriel and Andy. She couldn’t contain the grief. He was already hurt and she didn’t want to add to it but she also knew Beel. It was pointless to ask him to go. No matter how hurt he was, he wouldn’t let her ride out her grief on her own. “I can’t—I can’t…”

She felt Beel’s hand on her back and the dam walls broke. Her grief exploded through the room causing the sea floor to quake around them. Dust and debris kicked up and a few of the caverns around them caved in. Dagon’s grief traveled on and upward. On the surface of the ocean, sailors began diving off of their ships and into the treacherous, stormy waters to be ripped apart and drown by the sea. The quaking of the sea floor triggered a tsunami that was now making its way to a nearby island. She was right when she said it looked like it was going to rain. A typhoon was building up in the atmosphere with the trench as its point of origin. There was no warning give and there was no time to prepare. Many lives would be lost as the demon mourned her losses.

BEELZEBUB: Beel felt ready to give up. He knew it was the depression talking, but it didn't sound like such a bad idea at the moment to let these cavern walls crumble and bury them all. He would've deserved it, but Dagon didn't. "It's not your fault, darling. You're not the one who killed him. I did. If you need someone to blame, blame me. I should've found a way to save Gabe without hurting him." The problem was just that his methods hadn't been working, and while he didn't want to hurt Suds, Suds seemed to have no problem hurting him. He was already hurt enough as it was. If the fight had gone on much longer, he probably would've been hurt as much as Gabe was, and if they were both out for the count, Suds might've gone on to hurt Andy and Dagon. He couldn't let that happen. 

"I can't go, Dagon." He couldn't leave her like this. Someone needed to be here for her, not just because she needed company but because he was scared of what might happen if someone wasn't here. If he left, and she killed herself, he would never forgive himself. Beyond that, he could barely move. Aside from the depression weighing him down, he was hurt bad. He didn't think he could get back up right now. His body would start healing a little at a time, but right now, he was stuck. "I'm not leaving you," he promised. As her grief exploded through the room again, he felt even worse. Everything hurt, emotionally and physically. He knew that this was going to cause massive damage, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything. He only leaned forward, letting his upper body tip over Dagon, so he could lean on her and wrap his arms around her. "I'm sorry. We'll get through this. I'm here for you," he said as they both rode out the waves of her depression. / END

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 4

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: angst, mention of violence, slow burn Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier. 

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Hope was surprisingly actually kept alive as suddenly you were seeing the blonde-haired super soldier every morning. Sometimes even in the afternoon. While his order never changed -- quite the man with a plan as he certainly liked to stick to a routine -- he became much more talkative. 

It started out as the littlest things. Steve would bid you a good morning or ask you about some breaking news he saw the other day. You entertained the chit-chat quite well in between orders. Steve had practically taken over the seat at the bar, the same one you had offered him that one nerve-wracking day.

Wondering what he would ask you about each day certainly helped to keep your mind off things. Granted, it didn’t totally block out the fact you were speaking to your soulmate’s best friend, but the conversations mixed with that tinge of hope sure did keep thought about the nightmares at bay. 

Nothing was exactly progressing or regressing with the nightmares. They were at a sort of standstill in your mind. They were filled with violence but still were of older times, decades ago. The emotions, though, were not letting up. If you didn’t wake up with vivid imagery of knives being flung and guns being loaded, you sure did wake up with a roller coaster of feelings rushing through you. 

But what was felt from your soulmate didn’t exactly align with what the nightmares told. The small glimpses of Bucky’s eyes as the Winter Soldier wasn’t filled with… anger, sadness, regret. They were just… eyes. They held little to nothing outside of stoic determination. If lines were getting crossed, you weren’t sure. You still walked around feeling like a freakshow on display despite the fact no one, especially your coworker who had seen you initially crash and burn, ever asked you about the soulmate “dreams.”

Well, that was until Steve started getting more comfortable at the coffee shop.

One afternoon, he had apparently decided to get bold. He was lounging at the little bar area and you could feel his eyes watching you clean up some syrup bottles. 

Steve broke the silence, asking you something that he typically always did: “How are you?”

You shrugged with your back still facing him. “I’m doing okay, Steve. How are you?”

“No,” he let out an awkward cough. Your brows furrowed as you turned to him, abandoning your task. “How are you?” He asked with such a pointed look that your heart sank. 

You fumbled with the rag you were still holding, trying to look anywhere but at Steve -- but his demanding presence didn’t allow for it.

“If I’m being honest, not much is getting better,” you admitted. “I still see things, sure, but it's really about the feelings I get. They are so strong but I don’t know how. The dreams are like old memories or something, I’m not sure anymore.”

Steve nodded then looked down at his lukewarm coffee. You didn’t know how he didn’t get tired of that stuff, but you were past thinking he actually came in for the coffee anymore. 

“Thought they would’ve lightened up by now,” Steve eventually said. Your eyes shot to him. Every other word out of this man’s mouth seemed to stun you. You were nearly convinced he knew everything.

You wanted to tread on this, but carefully. 

“Why…” you sighed. “Why do you say that?”

“Hmm?” Steve hummed as if he didn’t hear your question. Your eyes narrowed in confusion. 

“I asked, why do you say that?”

He looked away, this time at the lines of syrup bottles behind you. He seemed lost in thought, his eyes shining with concern. Maybe he just needed that push and you wanted him to confirm… something, anything. 

Steve snapped back to you suddenly. “Just thought since it’s been a few weeks it’d be better.”

You looked to the ceiling, taking a deep breath. “Steve, do you-,” 

You were abruptly cut off by Steve getting up and placing his empty coffee mug on the counter. “Thanks for the coffee.” That was his final parting words for the day before he walked out of the shop, leaving you standing there confused and annoyed. 

But this wasn’t going to be over. Especially not after you went home that night, settled into bed, and gave into the nightmares. While still past memories, they were only a few years old. And featured Steve. Flashed of a bruised, tragic-looking Captain America played out quickly. The feelings washing over you were those of strong love but even stronger regret. Everything pounded in you as the nightmares played, coming in a weird kaleidoscope of clips. The hurt you felt was overwhelming. But there was also just so much… Worry. Fear. Your soulmate was afraid. Afraid of what exactly, you didn’t know, but he was consumed. 

You woke up in the early morning hours, heart pounding, feeling raw from that nightmare. Everything felt powerful like the final straw was snapped in you. You needed stuff to lessen and, supposedly, that could come with actually meeting your soulmate. You didn’t know the logistics of it all, people had been so vague as they preferred to fawn over and treasure the initial dreams, but there were ideas out there about how once soulmates formally met they created new shared dreams. Together, through the connection. These could be just as bad or they could be just as good as the original telepath. No matter the fact, you needed something. You were begging for this pull to loosen. The world was setting you up with this man and you had to see about it. Maybe get some kind of closure, at least. You were exhausted from playing it safe with Steve. Everything from his dumbass vague phrases to his hovering gaze gave you your answers. 

You were once again a woman on a mission, but this time you couldn’t hide behind a coffee counter and brewing espresso. 

You called out of work but showed up at opening time. Your coworker stared at you in surprise when the bell rang but you just gave her a wave and made yourself comfortable at a table right by the door. You sat very still, staring at the glass door, watching the patrons. 

A glance at the clock told you Steve was late for his usual coffee run but you weren’t giving in. If he had any inkling about your confusion he would show, be the confident man he could be and face you. 

Thankfully, you were correct. It was mid-morning by the time Steve strolled in, definitely not surprised to see you patiently waiting. Your eyes locked immediately as he gave a defiant sigh. But he didn’t bypass you for the counter. Instead, after you gave a single nod, he sat at the table, directly across from you. 

“Good morning,” Steve greeted you but he lacked that award-winning smile he always gave with it.

“Good morning,” you said, suddenly feeling iffy under his gaze. You had to practically shake yourself out of it to get back on track. You weren’t backing out, not after what you had felt last night. This would consume you after so many years. Your soulmate was going to consume you if you didn’t man up. “I think we need to talk.”

Steve nodded. “I agree.”

You sighed, a bit relieved. He possibly did know, your suspicions were confirmed. “These nightmares I have - they’re about-,”

“Bucky,” Steve answered so simply, you were almost jealous by how the name rolled off his tongue with ease. That was your soulmate and you could barely talk about him. But that was ending, you reminded yourself. Right now, you were taking steps. Life had become a whirlwind but maybe you needed it. 

“Yes,” you confirmed. “Everything I see it’s from his days as… you know what.”

“The Winter Soldier.”

You groaned in annoyance with yourself. “I’m sorry, this is just so weird for me,” you said. “I just learned the other day him and I are… And it’s a lot. Everything is a lot. I see and feel so much in the nightmares that I needed to make progress or something but, truthfully, I don’t know how to go about any of this.”

Steve nodded, his eyes looking very sympathetic. He leaned forward, his arms now resting on the surface. You shifted in your seat, staring down at the wood patterns of the table. Steve didn’t seem to mind the lack of eye contact, though, as he began. 

“I’ve known about you for a while,” Steve admitted. “When Bucky began getting back to himself he would talk about you every now and then. I-I don’t know when he realized it but he’d tell me bits of what he thought you looked like, where you went to school, the coffee shop you were always in… And, well, it didn’t take long for me to realize it was you he was seeing in dreams. But he doesn’t know that I see you nearly every day,” Steve let out a light chuckle, almost in disbelief of himself. “And he certainly doesn’t know the dreams he’s relaying to you. I don’t think he’s ever thought about it, honestly.”

Your heart jumped knowing your soulmate actually knew about you. Saw you. Got the loveliest dreams about you. It made you feel pretty good, really. You were glad you were giving him something light, relaxing, after everything he had seen. Maybe that was a fair trade. As long as your soulmate was okay.

“He doesn’t know I see all those… Things?” You asked, your voice dropping a bit timidly.

Steve sighed, shaking his head. “If I had to guess, it would have something to do with the fact that he’s remembering everything,” he said. “Everything he had done, the people and violence… All that comes back to him. He’s said he remembers it all. That’s probably the feelings you’re getting with the nightmares - him handling the aftermath.” 

Your heart dropped at that. You lifted your gaze to meet Steve’s, seeing he was wearing a similar mix of sadness and worry. It was still strange to feel this ache when you were awake.

But you understood, at least, as much as you could. It sounded like there was some healing going on, with everything coming in waves. Did you like that you had to suffer because of it? No. But that was your soulmate and a deep part of you wanted to just take all that pain away for him personally. 

“It’s not fair he has to deal with all this,” you said. 

Steve agreed, “It’s not.”

“But I want to help,” you spoke with such sudden determination. Steve gave you a confused look. “Would he… Would he want to meet me?”

That look of surprise on him suddenly morphed into some form of relief, with a bit of a smirk playing on Steve’s lips. 

“I think I could arrange that.”

“R-Really?” Your hands were practically shaking at this point but Steve seemed too cool and collected, almost proud of the situation he was concocting. 

“If I’m being honest, he mentions something about you nearly every other day.”

Your jaw went slack, now making you the surprised one. “But you knew who I was. Why didn’t you just tell him?”

“Would you have honestly been comfortable if I just sent him in here?”

Well, he had you there. You sighed, shaking your head, sinking a bit in your seat. 

“Yeah, he wouldn’t either,” Steve mumbled. “But it’ll be okay. I’ll figure out something.”

You nodded, maybe a bit too eager. “Thank you.”

Steve gave a small smile then averted his gaze to the table as if debating what to say next. You thought the conversation had wrapped up nicely but there was another thing you didn’t expect to hear about.

“You know,” Steve began, “back in the day, Buck never had any dreams and while now we know why,” he motioned towards you. You blushed. “We had just figured he didn’t have a soulmate or something. Like the world had just happened to screw up…” His voice trailed, letting out a brief sigh. “I can’t imagine his relief when he got the first images of you.”

Your heart swelled. It took everything in you not to choke out sobs. The feeling of hope and… love suddenly wash over you. It was such a distant feeling but it was all coming. Slowly, it was becoming an acquaintance. 

“Do you have a soulmate, Steve?”

He nodded. “I did.” You frowned at the past-tense use of the word. “But that time has come and gone. I’m more than happy to help Bucky get his.”

The lovely feelings crept back, stronger than ever. Just the thought of being in the same area as your soulmate was making it bloom even more.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Bucky Barnes Series Taglist:

@reichelhache @bella-bear03 @rvgrsbrns @thebadassbitchqueen @libraries-and-coffee @adoringanakin​ @heartbeats-wildly @japzalileo @aayaissaa @takemedancingmaine @bahama-mama-llama @ella_italian

[beevean]

So let's end this: Megaman X8

Everytime I think “oh I won’t say much this time around” and everytime I just Say a lot :P

X8 is good. That’s all it needed to be. Even without comparing it to the dumpster fires that are X6 and X7, X8 is an enjoyable title, and I’d dare say that it’s an X5 done better. This is also the first time since X3 that I really had no idea what to expect - few people talk about this game, and I know that sadly it never had a chance to shine.

The first change is in the characters. Like in X7, you can choose 2 out of the 3 (more if you count X’s armors) characters, and you can switch them in game, but there have been many improvements.

if a character dies, you can still play as the other, unless you die by an instakill obstacle such as spikes

if you switch right after you get hit, the character you’re not playing as recovers a little

a frequent mechanic is saving one of your character if he’s captured, emphasizing the Super Power of Teamwork™

there’s even a move that I can only compare to the Team Blast from Sonic Heroes: press R2 next to an enemy once the Attack Gauge is full, and you’ll get a cool animation of your two characters going ham on an enemy and hitting it hard. Love it!

Another neat change is the navigators. Not only Alia can be actually useful, but you get two new navigators, one that helps you more when it comes to enemies and bosses and one that helps you find new items (my favorite in terms of utility). Or you could just go solo! Finally!

And then there’s the characters themselves, who got a much needed overhaul after X7!

X is of course playable from the start, as one would expect from a Mega Man X game, and at first he’s the most underwhelming of the bunch, with only a Charge Shot to his name. His strength, of course, is that he can find the Light Capsules (only him sadly, Zero and Axl can't collect them for him once again) and build his own unique armors, the Icarus Armor and the Hermes Armor. You can even mix match the parts (thank you for not regressing to X5′s and X6′s bullshit), although if you choose the full sets you get extra perks like the Giga Crash. Both armors are pretty spiffy if I do say so myself :)

Zero is no longer useless! My boy is fun again! Yay! Still not quite as fluid as his PS1 days, but still! He has much more range than in X7, he’s a little faster (but slower compared to the other two characters, which is fair), and he feels stronger. And his moves are <3 Rasetsusen my beloved <3

Axl developed even more his unique characteristics and he doesn’t feel like Discount X. The Copy Shot and the hover return, but his more prominent trait is that he can shoot at 360° degrees. He has to stop in his tracks (even hovering in place), and his bullets are relatively weak, but he autofires incredibly fast to compensate. He also gets unique guns from Mavericks instead of copying X’s subweapons. Very fun to play as, especially when you’re starting out.

The parts mechanic has also been thankfully replaced by a more comfortable shop where you can buy the upgrades you’d expect, such as a Sub Tank, a Weapon Tank, energy to fill them, extra “lives” (more on that later), temporary power ups, etc. And you can choose which character you want to power up rather than carefully calculating which one of your 8 Heart Tanks goes to one of your 3 characters! After you lose a certain number of lives, you also unlock an intermission which is essentially a minigame where you collect as many chips as you can in one life (I only tried the Noah's Park one though), and you can try it as many times as you want, which greatly reduces the amount of grinding you have to do. You still have, however, to find rare metals to unlock more important items, like extra weapons for Zero - those rare metals effectively replace Heart Tanks/Sub Tanks/Weapon Tanks as your collectibles and some of them are quite tricky to find. (well Easy mode almost gives them to you freely, which I didn’t care for, more on that later :\)

Where X8 fell for me is the level design and how far they swung in the opposite direction when it comes to lives.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the level design is nowhere near the absolute garbage that X6 offered, nor is it lazy like X7. But levels here are quite a jump in difficulty compared to previous titles, not fake difficulty thankfully, but they took some cues from Classic Mega Man, especially when it comes to fucking spikes and tight jumps to avoid them. They’re also pretty long with only a couple of exceptions, and this is a bit of a problem.

The lives system in X6 and X7 was a joke. Game overs just meant you had to wait a little more to get to the last checkpoint (in fact, X6 was even overly generous with lives, considering that you could get trapped in unwinnable situations). But X8, man. You don’t have lives, you have “retry chips” like in Z1, and in Normal Mode you only have two of them - the only way to get more is to buy them at the shop, up to 3 extra retry chips in Normal mode. And it is so easy to get a game over here simply as you’re getting the feel of a level, and once you do, your only options are to go to the shop or to get booted to the title screen, and in short you have to redo the entire level again. Yeah, I know that this has been the standard until the more recent games, but I still feel the balance could have been tweaked a little. The one game where the EX Item would have been useful, and they removed it :\

In short, I’m ashamed to admit that I had to create a save with Easy mode (which has infinite retry chips among other things I didn’t want) because in Normal mode I couldn’t beat a single Maverick, hell I couldn't even reach one D: yes even knowing that the game would have ended earlier. That’s fair, I guess :\

(there could be an interesting discussion about the practice of Easy Mode Mockery and whether it makes things fair or it’s just a petty way to encourage gitting gud, but now I’m just overthinking lmao)

As for the levels themsleves, they’re... uhhhhhhh.

Bamboo Pandamonium’s was nice! Probably the best "standard” stage. It’s almost completely a Ride Armor level, and I love the power up music that plays. Dark Mantis’ was also a nice stealth level, reminded me of Magna Centipede’s. Gravity Antonion is absolutely the highlight of the entire game, with its gravity puzzle, very very fun and engaging, and I like how you get the Light Capsule with Axl's Copy Shot.

But then there’s Optic Sunflower’s level, a mix of dumb minigames, complete with some assholish sequences like, guess what, tight spiked passageways (although apparently if you play perfectly you get a bonus match with Cutman, complete with 8-bit sprite, and okay that’s really cute and a good way to incentivize good gameplay). Spikes are also what gave me the biggest headache in Burn Rooster's stage, that stupid spiked maze must have cost me more than ten lives because I suck and it’s the #1 reason I dread the idea of trying Normal mode again - the infamous autoscrollers weren't too bad though, and the third one was a memorable surprise. Earthrock Trilobyte’s level is very short, almost underdeveloped, and being chased by that Mechaniloid is more annoying than tense, although I’d take a short bland level over a marathon at this point. Same for Gigabolt Man-o-War, where I essentially won by spamming the shooting button and wrestling with the awkward suddenly-3D controls. And finally, Avalanche Yeti is a really bad Ride Chase level, not quite as irritating as Squid Adler's when it comes to level design (and obviously not as horseshit to control as Ride Boarski's), but man does it go on for fucking ever, especially with the miniboss who loves to stay out of reach.

The final levels are... barely there. Jakob’s Elevator is nothing more than, well, an elevator where enemies attack you, boring but hey after Palace Road I’ll take anything. The boss rush was the boss rush, although I appreciate that 1) there’s an in-game explaination, that is the Mavericks have been cloned by the NG Reploids, and 2) the teleporters are color-coded! That’s cute. Sigma Palace has a great aesthetic, being on the moon and all, but holy shit I am sick and tired of dying at random spiked rooms and having to redo half of the level again. At this point it feels cheap, like the devs didn't know how to create a more organic challenge!

I guess I can’t fully judge the Mavericks since I played the nerfed version lmao, in Normal mode they have something of a “pinch” mode that doesn’t exist in Easy mode. I was a bit annoyed at they very long I-frames, but then I found out that some attacks can take out a good chunk of their health, even the Icarus Armor’s standard shot. But I’ll just say this: you guys are really mean to this roster :( I think Bamboo Pandamonium and Burn Rooster are cute, and Dark Mantis is one of the coolest Mavericks in the series too. Probably the meh-est ones are Gigabolt Man-o-War (interesting animal, but quite ugly design) and Avalance Yeti (really? A snowman?).

What I can say is that the minibosses are meh. Sometimes it’s just an onslaugh of enemies, other times it’s just a dodging game. If you’re lucky, you get Vile. If you’re unlucky, you’re in Avalanche Yeti’s stage dealing with that dumb flying ship.

Before talking about the plot, the most important part first: THE VOICE ACTING IS GOOD. Really good even! It feels like real people are talking! What is this sorcery! Sometimes X and Zero have a bit of a dudebro delivery, but their voices sound great and no wonder Lucas Gilbertson became Zero’s iconic voice. you little baby blue bop

But the story itself... eh? Much like X7′s plot, the concept is solid: it intertwines the progress of Reploid technology, with the NG Reploids built to be immune to the Sigma Virus, and the condition of humanity, who are set to flee to the moon to escape the wars caused by Reploids. Harsh. But the story itself falls when it comes to the antagonists: Lumine is very, extremely obviously evil in the intro cutscene, and yet he disappears after the intro stage because Vile decided his 5-game long break was over, and the game pretends Sigma is the real villain again. There is some cool stuff with the Reploids cloning him (ngl it’s very jarring to see him as a common enemy), but then the final twist that Lumine was behind Sigma, but Sigma created Lumine, is... unclear? A shame for the first and only game that actually bothers to twist the “twist” of Sigma being behind it all. Well, whatever, game ends on a cliffhanger anyway :D

The graphics are a mixed bag. Leaps ahead of X7, but really you have to try to be worse than that game lol. Noah’s Park is quite the graphical flex, and others levels are not too shabby either, with standouts being the forest of Pandamonium, the trippy world of Antonion, and the bustling city of Man-o-War. But not all levels are splendid, with some relying on dull greys (Mantis’ level, Rooster’s level) or browns (Trilobyte’s level), and to be frank it doesn’t quite reach the same level of the contemporary Sonic Heroes for example. Not too keen on the artstyle of the characters either - I’m okay with the slimmer limbs, but the faces look a little squareish, with small distant eyes, and Zero's thin, limp ponytail is just sad. Also the animated cutscenes did not age well at all, especially in the expressions department, the most shock X can muster is a :o face.

I think the music has to grow on me yet? While playing I couldn’t recognize a single tune except for the cool Ride Armor theme and what may be the best boss theme in the X series. Most of the tracks feel like rather generic rock, good for background music but a far cry from the catchy bangers of other titles in the series. But on their own, there are some standouts: Gravity Antonion sounds very X5 (and the composer is Naoto Tanaka apparently so it fits), Avalanche Yeti has one hell of a slap bass, Optic Sunflower's minigame theme motivates you to git gud :P Jakob Elevator has a cool riff, and Gateway and Sigma Palace both convey a sense of "is this really the end?".

So... did I like X8? As of now, I’d rank the X games like this:

8) X7

7) X6

6) X3

5) X5

4) X8

3) X2

2) X1

1) X4

So X8 is square in the middle, and I’d say it fits. It’s a good game, one that tried to be ambitious and it succeded. I didn’t jive with it, I really don’t think I’ll try Normal mode soon, and tbh it might be simply because I’m tired lol, but as the last game in the X series, it’s a good sendoff and most importantly a great apology to the fans :P

[two-am-outlines-only]

Dee Little Snake

Summary:  Janus uses age regression as a way to destress but has little control over it whenever he grows upset. Trying to keep a secret like that can be hard when you’re only four years old, and thus family bonding ensues in a way nobody expected, least of all Deceit.

Chapter Warnings: Crying

Ships: none

Word Count: 2391

AO3 Link

Chapter 2 - All Bottled Up

It took Janus a few days to join the others at the breakfast table again, twisting his gloves behind his door in an uncharacteristically nervous way as he sucked in a breath. He didn't have anything on him to break this time, unless things somehow turned violent and his bones became a target. Shaking his head he threw his shoulders back and relaxed his face into a neutral expression. He and Patton were attempting to fix things, his relationship with Virgil was...smoothing, Logan had never really had a problem with him and Remus was well, Remus. Zo that just left Roman who needed to be tread especially carefully around. The odds were certainly in his favor should another altercation occur around one of the others.

But...he had cried. He had lost his cool over a seemingly insignificant item and had been so close to being small in front of one of the worst people to be small with, princely image smeared in his head with anger and petty malice reserved solely for him. He knew he had messed up, insulting Roman the way he did but his name was so much more to him than just something to call if you needed something. A name held so much weight with each and every individual who learned it and used it. A name held the entire history of the individual with it, and to have it said with such flippant mocking in a moment of such desperate trust that would change things for everyone- the implications of the act were clear. Roman hated him.

With good reason, he mused as he took another breath and opened the door, he had used him as a means to an end in his desperation to get Thomas to listen to his own self preservation. Roman had no reason to forgive him for what he had done and he didn't expect him to. He did, however, expect a bit more tact from the royal. Ignoring him and throwing insults was one thing. Blantantly destroying his things without a care was another.

Roman was sitting at the table already writing something or other in an old sketchbook, Patton frying up bacon with an endearing level of concentration at the stove. He grabbed a regular glass from the cabinet and filled it water, stomach flipping at the thought of anything else. Patton offered him a bright smile but didn't say anything; Janus didn't miss the way his eyes flicked worriedly over to Roman.

Thankfully the creative facet paid him no mind, Janus taking his seat a couple chairs away to avoid intruding and hoping he wasn't in anyone else's spot. Hearing shuffling from the doorway he turned and locked eyes with Virgil, who froze momentarily before giving him a tentative nod and walking into the kitchen. Thankfully the awkward air was somewhat saved as a plate of eggs and bacon and toast was pushed under his nose, muttering out a small "Thank you" before shoveling slightly overcooked scrambled eggs into his mouth.

"Thanks Pat." Virgil plopped down heavily beside him, taking the empty space between him and Roman, and he had only a moment to be confused and grateful before a familiar thermos was set down in front of him. Turning to Virgil with bacon still halfway to his mouth he smiled as the other shrugged and looked away. "Rem and I were able to fix it so- yeah."

Hope fluttered in his chest even as Virgil refused to look at him. He knew it was a lot to hope for, to ask for- but he couldn't help but think maybe this could be their clean slate. Maybe Virgil really would want to talk things over with him, fix things, and they could go back to how they used to be. He shook his head minutely as he put his fork back down. No, not how things used to be. He realized now their relationship had always been a bit rocky. Maybe this time...they could make things better.

He had just opened his mouth to thank him when Roman scoffed loudly, reaching forward. "I still don't understand why this is even such a big deal to you. Are these-"

He was cut off as his hand was halted with a vice grip from the anxious side, who sat still and quiet not looking at anyone. "Lay off Princey."

Roman tugged at his arm. "I just-"

Virgil's head snapped up, eyeshadow black as pitch but with a glare that could kill a man if they weren't imaginary. "Don't."

It felt as if everyone and everything in the mindscape was holding their breath as Virgil's voice, distorted as it was, rang out with a finality not even Patton dared question. Janus saw the fatherly side tense and turn, ready to dispel the situation if need be, spatula held out in front of him but whether it was to use as an a weapon or a shield Janus couldn't guess. He felt words stick in his own throat as he cursed himself for not being quicker to come up with some witty remark, dish out a glare, hell even sink out in a fit of dramatics as he was want to do. Instead he sat frozen, wide eyed and slightly hunched behind Virgil.

Anxiety protecting Self Preservation, now where was the irony?

Roman stilled and swallowed loudly, fear passing over his features before an angrier expression took over. Ripping his arm away he stood abruptly and scowled. "Great. You too? I thought you hated him!"

Before anyone could say anything he turned sharply and stalked off, his door slamming loud enough moments later to make all three of them jump. Virgil's arm was still in the same position, fingers tensed around an arm that had long gone before he flexed them with a wince and buried himself in his breakfast without another word.

"Awe, look at the little tongues!" The gentle coo brought Janus' attention to Patton who had placed the rest of breakfast on two other plates and was now looking at the thermos with adoration. "I'm glad you were able to have it fixed, kiddo!"

"I- Patton I'm older than you?" The irony definitely wasn't lost this time as Patton shrugged and settled down gesturing to a plate without looking at him.

"Logan, good morning! I made you a plate and there's some coffee left in the pot still!"

"Thank you, Patton." Logan glanced over briefly and nodded towards Virgil and Janus before pouring himself a mug and sitting down to eat, the silence a bit more comfortable with the still angry prince gone from the table.

Breakfast was a quiet affair however, conversation stopping and starting at awkward intervals. Janus noticed Virgil eating a lot slower than he would normally but nobody commented on it. He watched as Logan then Patton got up, washed their dishes and left the kitchen to go and do whatever they did during the day, leaving him and Virgil alone.

Taking a breath and shoving the last bit of bacon in his mouth Virgil stood up finally and swiped both their plates for the sink. Surprised Janus simply watched as he scrubbed them off and put them away, turning and nodding towards the thermos.

"Still like apple juice?"

"I- yessss?" Janus grimaced as a nervous hiss left his mouth but if Virgil noticed he didn't comment, unscrewing the cap of the newly fixed cup and filling it with the juice.

"Okay." Virgil slid the thermos over to him and sat down across from him with a sigh. "I'm the last side in the world who ever wants to say this, but we need to talk. We can do it here, or wherever but...yeah."

Janus nodded slowly and reached over to grip the thermos, happiness bubbling up briefly to see it fixed and functional and void of shards digging into his hands. "You'd be most comfortable in your room right?"

"This isn't about me so it doesn't matter." Janus snapped his head up and squinted at the anxious side. His eyeshadow was a shade darker than usual and his sleeves were twisted in his fingers almost painfully. Pursing his lips he nodded again.

"Why don't we go to my room then. No one goes in it anyway and I just recently cleaned so it would be a neat environment. Tidy space equals a tidy mind and all that."

"Right." Virgil huffed out a laugh as he stood up. "Now a good time?"

"Of course." Janus had a feeling what this would be about but it didnt make it any easier. He didn't particularly like discussing his regression. There wasn't anything wrong with doing it or why he did it; it was just something that happened and though he would be loathe to the idea of the others knowing he was far from ashamed of it. It was just....he and Virgil hadn't spoken- really spoken- in such a long time. He knew this would be a serious conversation, especially since the closer they got to his room the darker his eyeshadow was getting, but the determined set to his face told Janus he wasn't getting out of this. He'd be proud of his former friend if he didn't feel so much like puking.

Opening the door he gestured inside, Virgil immediately curling up in the comfortable desk chair while Janus sat stiffly on the edge of the bed. They didn't make eye contact for a minute, the tension in the room so tight he could barely breathe. And then Virgil took a steadying breath and the air became easier to suck in again, reminding Janus with a start just how much influence Virgil had to his surroundings. While he waited for the atmosphere to calm he took a swig of his juice, happiness bubbling up again as he realized how long it had been since he'd had it.

"Janus."

"Yes, Virgil?" He looked up to see the anxious side slightly more relaxed, legs curled underneath him with his hands resting on his knees. He looked tired though, slumped over with barely hidden bags under his eyeshadow. He had a feeling now was not the time to bring it up however worried the image made him.

"Have you- did you- damnit." Virgil ran a hand through his hair and took another breath. "You still regress. Which is fine! It's perfectly healthy and there's nothing wrong with it- but...has it been happening a lot? Without...without me there?"

He gripped his cup tighter and said nothing, watching with regret as Virgil's eyes widened.

"Janus...you weren't alone when it would happen right? Remus, or at least-"

"No. I was fine on my own for the most part. I simply locked my door."

"Locked your-! Janus you can't, okay. Okay, I- Janus I'm so sorry. We need...fuck okay." Virgil was sitting up straighter now, gripping his cheeks and squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen the other so worked up other than when he had left after their final argument. Janus leaned forward and cleared his throat, holding out his hands which Virgil gratefully took in a steel grip.

"I know the way we left things was...less than ideal," he started, looking at Vjrgil directly to try and drive home his point. "But I feel like we're at a point now where we can try to see where things went wrong and fix it. My habit has nothing to do with it."

His fingers were gripped tighter as Virgil laughed. "Your habit? Is that what we call it now? Janus- I need to apologize-"

"You don't."

"Shut up asshole and let me be sentimental." Janus grinned and nodded for him to continue. "The way I acted- it wasn't okay. Neither was the way you acted but that's beside the point. I'm very willing, now that the anger's cooled off, to start fresh. It's something we should have done way before this and I'm sorry for being so stubborn but...I guess it doesn't matter now. I just-"

Detangling their fingers, Virgil gripped his chin gently and tilted his head up, making him look directly into pleading eyes. "I didn't think about how my leaving would impact our trust that badly. You had no one to take care of you, and when you're small you should never have to be left to your own devices. You trusted me all those years ago to be responsible for you and I've been...I've been failing you for years. And that isn't okay."

Tears pricked his eyes and he internally cursed himself for not being able to handle this conversation. It had been years since they had been this close, years since Virgil had looked at him with anything but disdain and borderline hatred; to have him this close now, watching him with such an open expression-

Arms were around him before he even registered Virgil had moved and that was the last straw. Choking off a sob Janus gripped the back of the other's hoodie and buried his face shamefully in his friend's shoulder, years of emotions pouring out in front of the person he expected to care the least. He felt himself being shifted so Virgil could sit beside him, thighs pressing together as he was rocked gently back and forth.

"Shhh, I know. I know, Janus and I'm so sorry. I promise we'll be okay. We're okay now, I'm not leaving again. Let it out it's okay, I still love you, it's going to be okay."

And if that last statement didn't just make him sob harder. His scales itched and his face was hot and he had probably ruined the patched jacket with all of his snot but Virgil loved him. It would be okay because he was holding him and rocking him and telling him everything would be fine. They were okay. Finally, after so long of wanting to talk but never knowing how, he had finally gotten his best friend back.

Neither of them had the will to let the other go for a very long time, but Janus found himself content, as his tears finally slowed and the gentle back rub tapered off, to just sit and be held and loved.

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