#thanks for everyone that's praying for me also it means a ton <3!

[avatardoggo]

pretty sure my psych prof boosted my exam mark significantly bc there's no way i passed on my own 🥹

[pablitogavii]

ik your probably swamped with requests but could you do a little thing where the reader doesn’t like her birthday or doesn’t really celebrate it but gavi makes it a big deal and gives her tons of gifts and surprises!! take your time bby ❤️💙❤️💙❤️

Birthday Girl

"What do you mean you don't want to do anything after the game? But baby it's your birthday!" Pablo said while packing to go to Camp Nou with you for his first game in the new season against Madrid.

"It's the first El Classico of the season amor, and I just want to wear my man's jersey and watch him win" you walk up to him snaking arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug.

You really wanted to just watch Pablo play, but you were also not a big "birthday girl" person mostly because when you were a child your parents were never around much due to their corporate jobs at the family business which was always a priority.

"I won't only win..but I'll score for you princesa" Pablo whispered and you blushed nodding your head and looking up so he can kiss your lips lovingly.

When you arrived at the camp, cameras flashing in your face and numerous fans cheering and calling Pablo's name you smiled letting him greet his fans before you both walked inside.

"This one is for my birthday girl!" Pablo said kissing your lips before leaving to the dressing rooms and you went to find your seats.

"Hey girl! Happy Birthday!" Mikky greeted me first hugging me tightly and I wondered how the hell did she know about my birthday.

"Many more gorgeous years for you beautiful!" Ana was next and I thanked them both asking how they knew about my birthday seeing them chuckle and show me Pablo's recent story.

pablogavi: My Birthday Girl <33

"Awe he is so sweet isn't he!??" Mikky saw me blushing really never having anybody make such a big deal about my birthday before Pablo. It was strange but it felt nice to feel special today.

"Yeah..um..the game is starting!" you said and all of you took your phones out to film the boys coming out on the pitch. For the rest of the game, your phone buzzed with notifications of people sending you beautiful birthday messages.

It was an intense game with many goals on both sides, but just as the second half was coming to an end Madrid made a foul and Barça got their penalty shot.

"Hermano espera!" Pedri called Raphina who turned to see what was going on while carrying the ball always being the one to take the penalty shots.

"Gavi can do it..for his girl's birthday" pedri explained and older man smiled remembering the time he dedicated his shot to his wife's birthday. He came to Gavi giving him the ball seeing his surprised face.

"Que haces!? Gavi doesn't shoot penalties!?" Xavi was freaking out but every player on the pitch believed in Gavi in that moment. They still had one point ahead of Madrid but it's never smart to not use the free penalty when given against such a strong team.

"Dios! He's shooting a penalty!" you said holding your hands together like you were praying feeling anxious but excited at the same time. You believed in Pablo and sent him all your inner strength in this moment just like everyone else on the Barça side.

Pablo put the ball down calmly shooting his shot and of course making it without a sweat. He cheered celebrating with his teammates before taking off his jersey and sliding right where you sat and on his long sleeve muscle top was written "para ti birthday girl <3" and everyone looked at your making you blush and send him a kiss.

"Gracias hermano!" he whispered to Raphina who smiled at you and nodded his head before kissing Pablo's head.

You walked down the hallway to meet with Pablo hearing from every side "happy birthday" smiling into numerous phone cameras of the fans and thanking them kindly.

"Amor!" you heard Pablo's voice running and jumping into his arms as he spun you around.

"We won El Classico!" he said and you nodded kissing him back when he kissed you not caring that picture would be plastered all over the internet in matter of seconds.

"And you made the whole world wish me a happy birthday!" you said giggling while he nodded putting you down and kissing your lips once more before you two left in a more private area.

"Pablo, where are we going??" you said noticing that he was pulling you towards the pitch which was very confusing since you were not allowed to be here at all.

"Just trust me birthday girl.." he said and you knew he had another surprise in mind when he called you that. When you entered the pitch, there were all of his teammates singling "Happy Birthday to you.." joined by fans from the stands.

"You did not.." you said shocked blushing hard at the sudden attention you received from everyone around you holding Pablo's arm that was around your waist.

"Happy Birthday mi amor..you're my special girl and I wanted you to know that" Pablo whispered and you smiled nodding your head really wishing he knew that this was the first time she felt like "someone's special girl" on her birthday.

"And here is the cake..if you missed that penalty I would have hit you with it chico!" Xavi said chuckling with you before kissing the top of your head wishing you the bestest birthday.

"Um..thank you..all..this is so special for me" you were fighting back tears not wanting to cry on your birthday like all the other years until you met Pablo.

"Blow candles and make a wish amor" Pablo said and you smile nodding your head closing your eyes and blowing all the candles. Everyone clapped while you turned around and kissed Pablo's lips.

"Thank you Pablo..for this" you said and he noticed your saddened eyes but decided to talk about it when you were alone now only nodding his head and kissing your lips lovingly before putting some whip-cream on your face.

"Oh no!" you said when all the boys did the same giggling and celebrating for awhile before you were ready to go home.

"My goodness! My face is still sticky!" you said while Pablo drove home and you used wet wipes to clean your face.

"Maybe they took it too far.." Pablo giggled together with you but you shook your head once again having that same sadness in your eyes.

"No..it was perfect" you said and Pablo smiled stealing a glance from you taking your hand and kissing it.

"Look amor! The sunset!" you said and he parked suddenly right at the edge of the beach so you both can look at it together. Although not planned, this was the most perfect moment of the whole day.

"Can I ask you something princesa??" Pablo said while holding you in his arms as you watched through the window at the beautiful golden sky.

"Mhm.." you say

"You looked sad in the moment you thanked me for a surprise..why?" he said and you gulped taking your phone out to check once again but there was still no message form your parents.

aurorapaezg: happy birthday hermanita! i love you<33

mikkykiemeney: birthday girl is precious <33

analewandowska: best wishes to you pretty girl!

pedri: happy birthday amiga!!

alehandrobalde: best friend's birthday today!!

ansufati: amazing girl!! happy birthday!!

Strangers all over the world texted you today..half the stadium sang you happy birthday..and they forgot..again. You told Pablo who sighed kissing the top of your head.

"I'm sorry amor.." Pablo said holding you tighter as a tear finally escaped your eye but it was alright because it was only the two of you now and you felt comfortable with him.

"It's okay..I'm used to it" you said clearly not thinking that but what else can you do about it.

"It's not okay..you don't deserve that.. you deserve to feel like the most special girl today..and every other day..I want you to know that from now on every birthday will be celebrated properly!" Pablo spoke and yo turned in his arms kissing his lips lovingly.

"I'd really like that." you said and he nodded kissing you more before pulling away and giving you the box with the beautiful pink bow on it.

"What's this??" you said blushing and taking it

"A present..for a birthday girl" he said and you opened it gasping when you saw the beautiful necklace that was also a locket. When you opened it was the picture of the two of you and you couldn't help but kiss Pablo strongly in response.

"I love you!" you said and he smiled nodding his head proudly.

"And I love you princesa" he said as you both smiled into the kiss.

You two of you went back home finishing the night cuddled up with your favorite movie and food.

You yawned slowly being lulled to sleep by Pablo's even heart beats and soft sounds of the movie in the background.

"Happy Birthday mi amor.." he whispered right before you fall asleep in his arms. It was the most special birthday of your life.

[loemius]

Can you please tell us about drag? <3 Why did you get into it, what does it mean to you... Anything you'd like to talk about!

hi hi! thank you SO much for this question, i would ABSOLUTELY love to!! i've been into drag for... honestly my whole life. i've always been interested in makeup since i was a pre-teen and once i discovered drag makeup tutorials on youtube it was game over. i spent a ton of time in my teen years just practicing different makeup looks and playing with cosmetics. it's always been a huge interest of mine. it's a means of self expression for me. i'm transmasc and present more androgynous, leaning towards masculine, and i don't really like to wear makeup day to day (mostly because it's a lot of effort tbh). it gives me a chance to express my love of makeup and fashion, as well as my femininity, that i feel most comfortable doing in drag. performing in drag is a unique artform that you can't really get anywhere else imo. there's so many ways to approach it! you can do so much with it. it's this unique blend of music, dance, references, soundbites, fashion, theater, all in one package. it's self-expression, it's art, it's history! there's so much history behind drag, which is a really big passion of mine as well. i'm a huge nerd about lgbt+ history, pop culture, and art of all kinds, so it's just... a blend of everything i love. there's no wrong way to do drag, which is something i love about it. there's something for everyone in drag, if you're willing to get into it. i think a lot of people only thing of drag as queens, which is Not true. i personally am a queen, there's kings and people who prefer other terms like 'performer' or 'drag monster' too! it's not just people being glamorous in pretty rhinestoned gowns on stage or what you see on drag race, although it Can be. it's also horror, comedy, camp, so much more. i'm very lucky that my university has a drag house/club, and i'm very involved. i help plan the shows, promote them, and of course, i perform in them. i'm a pretty seasoned performer at this point, coming up on my third year of actually performing in drag, although i only got to do one show in my first year of performance. being up on stage is... an experience like no other. it's so much fun. it's indescribable. i've gotten to host shows and it's literally so magical to me. i'm deeply blessed to have the community that i do with so many drag siblings and even my own drag children! i really struggled to find my 'people' so to speak when i went to uni until i got into drag. i have so many friends now from it that it just... blows my mind. it means so much to me to get to share this art form that i love with others and help them experience it too. i'm deeply, deeply blessed. for anyone interested in drag, i highly suggest checking out local performers near you. get on social media (esp instagram if you've got it) and look for performers in your nearest city and see who they follow, who they perform with, and just follow them and support them. likes and comments mean a lot. if you're able to go to shows, i cannot suggest it enough. local drag is an experience like nothing else. it's honestly life changing to me, and i'm deeply blessed to have had this experience and pray i always get to be a drag performer. thank you so much for this ask, this was really awesome to talk about and i really appreciate the opportunity!!! gods bless you always with happiness, health, and love <3333 as a reminder my ask box is still open for more q&a's if anyone's got em!

[chocominnie]

One Last Time 02  —  Pjm. (M)

⇢ pairing: Jimin X Reader

⇢ Genre: Idol!Jimin, Exbf!Jimin, model!reader, sad au, fluff, tons of smut, angst

⇢ Synopsis: Your idol ex boyfriend Jimin cheated on you. You two have been broken up for a while now and the media has been keeping track of you and him. You’re trying to get over him, but the things that happen inbetween makes you re-think the entire breakup, and so does Jimin…

⇢ Song : xxxxx

⇢ Previous : 00   01

⇢ Word Count : 

⇢ Warnings: dominant jimin, makeout sessions, this is honestly a sad angsty au, cheating, pregnancy, unprotected and protected sex, a bunch of sex, no really a LOT of sexual themes too, I know I’m forgetting some but sorry in advance!

⇢ Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

⇢ Authors note: This is my mini series for the summer! Get your tissues, things to take your anger out on, and sit back and watch the drama unfold. Shall we begin?

Your eyes shoot open, chest heaving heavily as you let out a blood curdling scream. Not this again. The same dream over and over again each night. It leaves you sleepless. The time on the clock on your nightstand reads 3:04 am. Just only four hours ago is when you fell asleep. But a full night’s sleep hasn’t happened for a year so why would it matter anyways.

Once you catch your breath you unplug your phone from the charger and read some of the notifications. From your window, the night-time critters sing their songs along with the persistant owl that’s somewhere around the apartment complex. You’d only noticed him, the owl, just a few months ago when your cat started meowing with his hoots. 

A missed call from your uncle. 

Immediately you unlock your phone and dial the number. Bringing your index finger to your mouth you gently nip on it waiting for it to answer, The rings are agonizing to you. If something has happened you only wish and pray it wasn’t as bad as you think. He’s the only parental figure left in your life.

‘‘ Princess! Hello I was just calling to speak to you earlier. But I realized you are five hours ahead of me and you had probably went to sleep.’‘

His soothing voice calms your emotions making you let out a tiny breath of air. Thank god.

‘’Hey Charlie.” You sigh. Looking towards your left, you spot Clara purring quietly next to you. You can’t help but to smile while bringing a hand over to rub her head with your thumb.  She’s so small under the shining moonlight from your window.

Her white coat shines brightly amongst her, making you remember the first night you had brought her home. All she did was sleep, and it worried you because you had no prior expierence caring for anything, let alone a small animal. Clara only drank kitten milk and slept back then. Occasionally being awake enough to nip at your fingers whenever you pet or touched her.

Now she’s a bit bigger and walks around the apartment like she owns the place. Quite the little attitude she has, but its too damn cute for you to scold her whenever she does something wrong. 

“ Yes I did fall asleep from after a gathering at someone’s house.’’ You continue on, bringing your knees to your chest after opening the curtain of your window fully.

The moons brightness illuminates the entire room, but not so bright for you to complain though. ‘’ Oh- was it Jimin’s? Tell him I said hell-’’

You bite your lip hard at his name. He doesn’t know and you wont even dare to let him know. Knowing him, your uncle would have a fit and oppose to come back to Seoul to ‘set the record straight.’ to Jimin. That’s the last thing you want to do, cause trouble.

‘‘ It was his brother’s house warming party.” You say, lowering your tone in your voice. You look at the nightstand for a couple of seconds just before opening the top drawer of the wooden, polished piece. Your hands shakily pull out a picture of you two together.

It was taken at  Marne-la-Vallée, France right infront of Cinderella’s castle. That was the day that you and Jimin had to went to Disneyland in Paris, France. You cant help but to think, with the picture in hand, that it was one of the best nights ever. It was also the same night your virginity was taken.

‘‘ Oh.. I know that tone. Are you two arguing at the moment.”

You shrug, “ I mean you could say that.’’

No you cant.

‘‘ Alright alright I won’t talk more of him. Let’s change the subject.” He chuckles deeply into the phone.

‘‘ How’s Europe? Anything new happening on base?”

‘‘ Same old Same old. It’s been what? 2 years since I’ve left Seoul? The food is different over here. They don’t have kimchi pancakes sadly.”

You can only imagine the frowny face he makes at you whenever he doesn’t approve or like something. It always turns out to be funny.

You giggle into the phone shaking your head slightly, “ Of course. You are in Europe Charlie. Where are you getting food from anyway if you are on base?’’

‘‘ I can go off base to a certain mileage when I am off duty. I just have to report back in time. But you do know that you can always come live on base with me...’ He trails off.

Oh boy. Here he goes. He’s always talking about moving you on base with him. Hell, he’s been talking about it since before he had to go to be based in Europe. By then you were twenty years old and old enough to live by yourself. Growing up in Daegu, Korea since you were six, you felt as if Korea was home to you and you definately weren’t ready to leave yet.

Especially, after losing your parents here. Around eight years old, your aunt and mother were on the way to pick up your father from the airport. With your mom and dad also being military and based in Korea with your dad’s bestfriend, your uncle Charlie, your father had been called to take military leave to go and be based in Korea for the National Guard.

On the way back from the airport, a drunk driver had struck the car knocking them off the road and colliding head first into the railing of the bridge. All bodies were reported dead upon collision, including your aunt. Charlie didn’t take the news well at all, and so did you. Only eight years old and still a bit new to a foreign country. It was devistating for you and Charlie. Charlie did what was right and stepped up to be your legal guardian while taking some time off from the military. Till this day, he treats you like his sacred little daughter and you can’t ask for anyone better than him.

 “You are old enough to live on your own and housing is avail-”

You jump at his voice on the line again, being too spaced out from the tragic memory. Before he can go on any longer you cut him off. ‘‘ Im fine with the apartment you left me. Im paying the bills on time and taking good care of it.”

‘‘ Alright fine. But that option is always available you hear me? I will always be ready for you to come with me.’’

‘‘ Okay Charlie” You groan.

‘‘ Alright.. sweetie it’s getting late on this side and it’s already 3 am on your side. Get some sleep okay? Don’t you have a model shoot thingy or something? You have those a lot.’‘

‘‘ Yes i actually do in a couple of hours. It’s been a while since I’ve did a shoot. Please eat and sleep well. Don’t injure yourself.’‘

‘‘ I promise. You promise to do the same right?’‘ He says, rustling movements are in the background.

‘‘ Yes I promise. Good night sleep tight..’‘ You smile as you wait for him to finish the rest.

He chuckles one last time on the other end, ‘‘I’ll always love you, goodnight‘’

Beep Beep Beep

You in a racy light pink lingerie with white duvets and sheets is the concept of your comeback. It’s supposed to symbolize the “Night After’’. Camera’s click and directors yell and praise you in your subtle yet damaging moves and facial expressions. You want.. no need for this comeback to be successful. Not only did your manager schedule this, but she is making sure that they release this same very day.

Nobody in this company’s industry has ever did this before. But you, you are sort of the special one. The special foreigner as they say. It’s not like you don’t like it but you don’t like that they label you as that. Stylists, employee’s hell even anybody who works there treat you as a princess. It’s not bad, but it’s just weird.

‘‘ One last one. Give me a sexy yet innocent look mama.’‘ Elliot, the director says, smiling wide at you.

You slip a finger into your mouth and do a little pout with your lips.

Elliot busts out into a roar of happiness with his hands clapping furiously. ‘‘That’s it mama yes! That’s just what we needed!’‘

Adjusting his microphone earpiece, he turns around to greet and thank everyone, ‘‘ Alright everybody this concludes our shooting! You all worked so hard today. Make it home safe, eat well.’‘

Finally. You sigh out in relief and close your eyes. It’s been a long day. Almost 6 hours of shooting. Three Videos, and five swap outfits for each session of shooting for the ‘’ Night After’’.  As everyone heads out and starts cleaning up you bow your head slightly and thank them.

A stylist brings you a satin robe to cover yourself in. You thank her and put it on just before getting up from the bed and walking towards wardrobe. Once you are done putting on your clothes, your manager leads you straight out the exit. Outside awaits the car that drives you everywhere. Literally everywhere.

‘‘ Tomorrow somebody has put in a special request for you to appear as the main lead girl in their music video. It’s short notice and I told them I would have to bump some things around and notify you. But they are paying us and you good money to be in it.’‘

Money? Sounds like a plan.

‘‘ It’s fine. Who am I shooting for?’‘ You say, fluffing your hair just a little while inspecting yourself in the rear view mirror.

Your makeup is still intact with no ruins and the contacts they had given you suited you very well. A hazel with a slight bit of teal. Suddenly the car moves off into the busy streets of Seoul. You can’t help but to notice every couple that walks along the sidewalks. They seem so happy, glad to be around each other.

On the floor of the car lies your little mini backpack filled with all of your items and belongings. Picking it up, you begin to dig through it looking for some hand lotion to soothe your semi-dry hands. Once you find it you gently start to squeeze the tube.

‘‘ Kim Namjoon.’‘

You freeze. Namjoon? The same Namjoon from the group? Joonie? It’s been well… a year since you’ve seen him in person. Hell since you’ve seen all of Bangtan Sonyeondan together. Except for lastnight when Hoseok and.. that guy showed up.

You sigh already knowing the answer from the question you are about to ask.

‘‘ From…?’‘ You ask then put the lotion back in your bag. Slowly you rub your hands together to moisturize.

Your manager quickly flips through the daily planner, ‘‘ Bangtan Sonyeodan but this is for one of his mixtape songs.’‘

Thank goodness.

‘‘ That’s fine. What time will the car be arriving tomorrow?’‘

‘‘ 8 am on the dot. You need to be there by 8:30. I’ll be tending to one of my other models tomorrow so you will be alone. I can send som-’‘

‘‘ No no it’s truly okay. I know how to manage things myself. Besides, I learn from you.’‘ You reassure her with one of your winning smiles, laying your head on her shoulder.

‘‘ Aigoo what am I going to do with you?’‘

The day ends very well. The movies you’ve been watching have kept you occupied. But not occupied enough for you to keep crying at all the sad parts in the chick flicks. Breakups, someone had died, someone had even just spilled something onto the floor and that was enough to send you into tears.Only because when the main lead boy rushed to help clean it up, it reminded you of Jimin last-night helping Isabel.

‘’What is going on with myself.’’ You blow your nose into a tissue for what seemed like the thousandth time today. Clara lets out one of her meows beside you then goes back to grooming herself.

You place her onto your lap and begin to run your fingers through her fur over and over again. Such a soothing effect to you as you stare into space sulking in your thoughts.

Why is it that you weren’t enough for him? Why is it that every single little thing reminds you of him? You gave him your all and he gave you his but what happened? Where did you go wrong? Cooked, cleaned, satisfied his needs. You guys had even started to plan out what you wanted out of a family. When you wanted a baby and what you would name it. It was fun. The whole relationship was fun. Right until that scandal.

Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. DI-

You unlock your phone immediately to stop that annoying dinging noise. Not surprisingly it’s a text from Jeon Jungkook.

Kookie : Im coming over I’ll be there in exactly 3 minutes.

Kookie: Don’t think about leaving either.

Kookie: Im bringing someone with me.

Kookie: We need to have a serious talk babycheeks.

You roll your eyes at the nickname he’s given you. No matter how many times you tell him you want him to change it, he declines. There’s no point in asking anymore.

Why would he want to talk anyways and who is the person he’s bringing. Eh.. it might just be Ryan they seem to do everything together as a team.

As soon as you step foot out of your bed the sound the door clicking makes your head shoot up. How in the living hell does he know the password to your house? Rage takes over you. That’s something that you hate. When people invade your personal space. In this case, personal home.

‘‘ Jeon fucking Jungkook!’‘ You scream, abruptly stomping your feet all the way to and out your bedroom door. Suddenly you stop at the sight of the two faces staring back at you.

Jungkook’s expression holds a concerned yet upset face while the other just stands there calm and cool. But you on the other hand are way besides that level.

Your eyes must be filled with rage and the expression on your face is no good. How dare he disrespect you like that? Bringing him into your home, knowing the bad blood between you two. Oh, they both have something coming towards them. You begin to walk to them again making each step make the floor shake.

‘‘ Get out. Both of you. One you invade my personal private home..’‘

You grab both boys by their collars, making sure to grip the one on the right’s harder than usual. ‘‘ Two, you fucking invite him over here.’‘ You drag each of them towards the exit. Which is going good until Jungkook rips your hands away from his shirt and takes you over his shoulder.

You’ve had enough of him and his invasive ways. Pounding on his back with your fists, you make sure to scream into his ear. “ Put me the fuck down Jeon Jungko-”

You hiss at the stinging sensation on your ass. Did he just? Jimin stands there awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. You make sure to make eye contact with him and roll your eyes. Something that always had and will piss him off.

‘‘ Hush. I told you all of us needed to have a deep talk about you.’‘

Jungkook plops your frail body onto one side of the couch in which he sits next to you. He motions for Jimin to come sit across from the both of you but you aren’t having it.

‘‘ Don’t you do it.” You glare at him. Jungkook sighs harshly only to pluck your forehead two times. You whine and rub it with your index and middle finger.

Jungkook shakes his head in disapproval, ‘‘ When are you ever going to learn? Jimin sit down now.”

‘‘ Truthfully.. I feel as though I shouldn’t be here so-”

“ Good. Get out you are unwanted.” You snap back causing him to give you one of his long stares with no facial expression at all.

Jungkook glares at you just before getting up to throw his hands in the air full of disappointment. “ Enough! “

Yelling. Something else you don’t like to hear being done at yourself. You finally sit still and quite avoiding any eye contact with the both of them.

He sits back down and clears his throat. Jungkook gives Jimin a look before continuing on.

‘‘ I gathered us here to talk about you..”

‘‘ Why. Im fine. How many times do I have to say it. Im fine im fine im fine im fucking fine!’‘ You exclaim, getting more mad by the second. When will people accept this?

‘‘ Baby.. ’‘

Your eyes shoot up to him and his soft voice. You didn’t want to but you did because his voice to you is like candy that melts into your mouth.

‘‘ Don’t call me that. You have a girlfriend at-least be loyal to her rather than what you did to me.’‘

‘‘ Fuck is anybody going to just sit here and listen? Can we at-least get to the source of the problem? Huh?’‘ Jungkook leans back into the couch clearly pissed by your attitude.

Jimin’s the first to speak and holds a firm eye contact with you, almost daring you to break away from it.

‘‘ Fine. Im just going to cut straight to it then. Why are you so jealous? You aren’t okay at all. I seen the way you looked at us yesterday. You wanted to break down so bad but you didn’t. It looks like you’ve been dropping weight day by day why aren’t you eating well?’’

You’re taken a-back by his jealous comment. Although you are you just cannot admit it. You are jealous. You do want him back. You cant bear to see him with another girl but you. But the fact that Jimin is concerned makes you really hope. Just hope that there is something left of you still in his heart.

‘‘ Jealous? Jealous tuh.” You scoff, leaning into Jungkook’s arms where you rest his head on your chest. You only do this just to see Jimin’s reaction and by the look on his face he doesn’t enjoy that move one bit.

‘‘ Yes jealous. I mean why else would you put almond extra-

‘‘ Woah. No need to go there. We established that it was a so called accident lastnight.” Jungkook does finger quotes into the air and looks down at you.

You lift your head up and furrow your eyebrows in annoyance, “ So called? So you really believe that I did it on purpose. Wow Jungkook. Escort yourself out.’’

He sighs, wrapping his arms around you securly in hopes of you settling down a  little, “ Honestly it’s not like that. I wasn’t there to see you bake them nor was I watching her eat it. Im just saying that you knew Jimin was coming and obviously his girlfriend was going to come too. It’s a little sketchy is all.”

There’s no fixing what he said. Him adding onto his explanation just made things sound worse than what he’s trying to say. You don’t have time to be ganged up on, nor like it at all. It’s best if they both just leave, to not turn nothing into something.

‘‘ Get out. Now. Before I call and tell Ryan what you said and then she’ll definitely deal with you.’‘ You say, removing yourself from off of him and onto the other side of the couch with your legs crossed.

Mad isn’t even the word to describe yourself right now. You’re just a mixture of all emotions.

Jungkook now looks of sorriness written all over his face. You bite your lip and shake your head while pointing towards the door. He sighs heavily and takes one last look at you while removing himself from the couch. You watch him slip on his coat and shoes.

Jimin gets up from his spot on the couch, ‘‘ I’ll be leav-”

‘‘ Sit down we aren’t done talking.” 

He looks at you with his eyebrows furrowed, sitting back down slowly.

Jungkook keeps his head down as he wraps his blue scarf around his neck. Poor baby, but he shouldn’t of said it. “Please better yourself and talk it out with each-other. Im leaving.”

‘‘ Make it home safely.. Kookie.” You sigh once the door closes behind him. Now you’re here. Face to face with Park Jimin.

The same Jimin who cheated on you. The same Jimin you haven’t seen in a while. You take a few moments to take in his appearance. He seems to have re-gained his muscles that are peaking through his black, longsleeve shirt. His thighs are still thick, just like his luscious lips. Of course he changed his hair color to black. But who knows, he might change it again.

‘‘ You’ve been doing well?’‘ You say, voice low but enough for him to hear. You drop your eyes to your lap instead of keeping intact with his.

‘‘ Yes. But you have not. Im disappointed in you. Why are you doing this to yourself? Don’t do this because of me.”

‘‘ Jimin you don’t know the feeling. You don’t know how it feels to be left wondering why you weren’t good enough for someone. Why they had cheated on you. You don’t understand at all and wont ever.’‘ Your voice cracks on the last sentence and you an feel the lump in your throat become sore.

He bites his lip unsure of what to say next. Those words had hit him good inside. ‘‘ Im sorry. I truly am. But you know the reason why we had to end it. I fucked up bad and the media was making the scandal bigger and messier day by day. It was better to just call it off.’‘

One by one your tears start to drop. You nose begins it’s running trip but you sniffle it back up.

‘‘ You could of denied it. You know you could of made a statement and denied it. But you felt something for her didn’t you? Didn’t you?’‘ You semi-yell, sobs already starting to take it’s way over.

He bites his lip once again and ruffles his fingers through his hair, “ Baby..’’

You wipe your tears with your hands making your face even more puffy from the crying. “ I am jealous. I am I admit it Jimin. But do you know i have been suffering for one year and two months? I can’t sleep at night because im so used to your touch at night. I look at every couple in Seoul and think to myself, Dang they seem so happy. What’s their secret?’’

Jimin sits up, making eye contact with you with tears welling up into his eyes. It hurt’s you more than yourself to see him crying. It always has.

‘‘ Please don’t do that. Don’t do this to yourself. Please get help from someone to try and move on. Please. I don’t like to see or hear you make yourself suffer.’ He begs, getting up from his seat and coming towards you.

Jimin sits next to you, hesitantly opening his arms up to you. Would it be wrong to embrace him? He’s being too sincere, but thats what you want right? You decide to just do it, and lean into him only for him to pull you in closer into his chest.You just lay there crying and sobbing while he runs his fingers through your hair. You shouldn’t be doing this. He has a girlfriend. But it feels so right.

‘‘ What does she have that I don’t? Why couldn’t you love me the same way you love her “  You cry into his chest, soaking his shirt with your tears. 

You’d been waiting for this moment to just let it out. Let everything out.

‘’ Please don’t make this harder than what it is right now. Just try and forget me and move on. Please.” Hypocritcal. How does he expect you to get over him when he’s the one whos holding you so tight right now. Soon enough his sniffles join yours in harmony.

You raise your head up and look him deep into the eyes while you wipe away his tears, “ Don’t cry Jimin. I’m the one supposed to be crying over you. Don’t cry.’’

He takes your hand away from his face and wraps his fist ontop of yours, “Please promise me you will move on okay?’’

You shake your head no, “ I can’t make that promise.”

He doesn’t say anything. He gently cradles you in his arms and lifts you up. You don’t think to where he is going. You just close your eyes and grab onto his shirt firmly not wanting to let go.

Soon enough you feel the cold sheets over your bed. He covers you in the duvet and leans down to your forehead.  A kiss. Your fist is still locked onto his shirt in which he tries to pry it away but you don’t want to let him go. He sighs and raises his arms up as he takes off the shirt revealing an extra plain white wife beater under it. Taking your other hand, he wraps your hand into another fist onto the shirt to where both of your hands are holding onto it.

‘‘ Please better yourself for me baby. Sleep and eat well. “

Is all he says before turning off the lights and walking out your bedroom door.  You can hear him putting on and zipping up his heavy coat but you just don’t make a sound.

The apartment door clicks and beeps letting you know he’s already gone.

[dailyashleighraichu]

woo yeah hi hello this is my huge apology post because i’m big dumb stupid rat guy

I’m gonna be going into a lot, so I’m gonna shove everything into a Read More (not sure how many people will read it but it’ll get some stuff off my chest)

SO! Why have I been like... absolutely dead since Christmas? A handful of reasons. At the time of posting the last STP update, I was visiting family for the holidays. I returned just before January and had every intention of continuing the arc after winding down from my vacation. But uh... things came up! Mainly...

1. Massive depression! January and February were very hard for me, mental health wise. Especially in regards to the blog. I was dealing with my own issues that I so Cleverly Plastered Onto Joule™️ that it made working on this blog very hard for me. I made a new blog (@spark-of-future) to kinda help with getting my mood back up, and it helped a little bit but the feeling didn’t last. (I do plan on doing stuff for that blog too. I hit a bit of a roadblock in regards to asks so oops???)

2. Personal relationship drama. Won’t go too deeply into this, but things happened between me and a friend who helped with a lot of STP, so going back to it is a bit bitter for me.

3. Legends: Arceus. Yeah, I can’t say anything that isn’t too surprising regarding this. I got the new game and absolutely ate it for breakfast. It’s a ton of fun and it clicks the little happy button in my brain. Keeps me occupied for a few hours. I also was given Shining Pearl for Christmas, and played that as soon as I got home. S’okay, not a huge fan, frankly...

4. Wooooooork. Yup, unsurprising too. After coming back, I got like... NO HOURS for almost a month and a half, but in February my hours got bumped up to the normal amount I usually had, so yeah. And with summer coming fast, I’m gonna be busy with that because it’s always busy at my job during that time.

Once again I am VERY sorry for falling over dead on the pavement with this blog. I have no intentions of abandoning this blog or the story at all. I just need to find my footing again and hope and pray that I can actually get something done. I may go against myself and search for guest artists for the next couple posts, because I cannot bring myself to draw for this blog at the moment.

I appreciate the asks I’ve gotten from everyone over the past couples months though! I do genuinely enjoy talking with y’all, even if it’s just silly joke asks with no meaning to them. Same with Mundays, I know I constantly pop in with Mundays, but it’s mostly to keep myself engaged in this blog instead of leaving it to collect dust.

I hope that I can slowly get back on my feet and get back into doing stuff for this blog. It’s my pride and joy and I don’t wanna leave it so soon. So thank you all for sticking by me all this time! I appreciate it more than you know!

💖- Ashton/Valentine

[fucktheroyals]

You know after reading and reading and reading peoples theories and the meta from before the spn finale aired and the meta writers reactions to the finale I think I have a theory of my own. We don't have any answers tho, so this is pure speculation. If you wanna add something to support or discredit any of this that's cool but there's too many things floating around. Know I dont have proof for this conclusion at all. A lot of what I say is just guesses based on previous facts.

This all came together in my head when I realized how much this finale REEKS of the original producers and who the show was originally for. It REEKS of Robert Singer. Like if the execs started saying they didn't want it, Robert Singer was the one pushing that the story was about the brothers. That kinda thing.

Then, I was thinking of the problems in this episode and it struck me these are all of Supernatural biggest issues and to be honest all of it feels completely deliberate.

Take the sexism for example, Supernatural in it's later seasons largely out grew this, we have Jody, Rowena, Donna, Charlie, Mary, Claire (and even a wayward sisters pilot with MORE women/girls) all making regular appearances. They're mainly good characters and mostly aren't there to hurt our boys. Rowena, of course, is the one outlier being very about herself but it's clear she still cares for them, I mean its part of her development. But they're all real, with character flaws just like everyone else. (And we have Death too and she was POC 😭 THANK GOD)

Now look at the earlier half of Spn, we have Ellen and Jo, who's appearances were far in between. There's Bela in season 3, recurring for quite a bit (5 eps), but she is a character that is only there for herself, definitely not found family (unlike Ellen & Jo), and she's got more episodes in season 3 than Ellen and Jo in season 2 who aren't seen again til season 5. The "fans" send in hate mail after hate mail to try to get these characters off, and eventually they are. Then there's Ruby who's character stayed for a whole two seasons and was a largely recurring character. Why does she get to say so long? She's a plot device. She's supposed to be there to betray Sam. She has to stay (plus Jared obviously likes her). But she's not just a character the writers like writing about. Same with Lilith. Obviously not as recurring but still a plot device. Did they get hate mail tho? You can bet on it. Why? because tHeY'rE gOnNa PuSh ThE bOyS (Dean and Sam) aPaRt ThE sHoW iS aBoUt ThE bOyS oNlY. Without even thinking about the hate mail, just notice how large the difference is from how women are seen in the earlier seasons to the later seasons. Misha got tons of hate mail too for being a character that could split up the boys (probably only being allowed to say because he a man, thanks sexist producers and execs).

Only after Castiel was killed off and then Castiel fans successfully (thank you guys) got him back on the show did the hate mail largely simmer, which means female character's were allowed to stay! Which has lead us to a show with a good amount of female characters. But can you imagine having to kill characters off time and time again because people keep complaining that the show is "only about the boys." Fun times really.

So now we get to this final and we see sexism. But it wasn't just the plain old regular sexism you find in the earlier days of spn. Because now, there ARE women to talk about, talk to. But this episode was DESOLATE women wise, unless they were used for plot (which is also sexist!). Small scenes, they're barely there. Women gets her tongue cut out. Random women from s1 gets killed. Sam doesn't SPEAK of Eileen. Nothing. No mention of any female characters from the boys mouths unless they were from/in this episode itself. That's WIERD. I know we've all said it. But that goes beyond forgetting about characters. I mean its SAM'S GIRLFRIEND for Christ's sake. There is NO REASON they couldn't have said Eileen's name. Notice how Sam's wife is just... faceless. This is literally an age old sexist trope. Like... one of the things about bringing Mary back to life for s12+ is that it takes this trope... of basically a generic mother, and gives her life and feelings, whether you like them or not, they're real feelings. They said Mary isn't just a mom she's a person. Mary's existence in the later half of spn is to fix this kind of female tropes that fall upon her character, to not let these her stay a 2 dimensional character. They said we should know she's more than just the mom who tried to save her kid. Do that is the exact opposite of Sam getting a nameless, faceless wife. The sexism of the old spn wasn't just brought back, it was completely amplified. It wasn't just accidental or some exec "fixing" the story it was DELIBRATE. Whoever wrote that, didn't do ALL OF THAT by accident. Because an exec or a producer who doesn't see the flaws in old supernatural isn't going to write it that deliberately.

Let's bring it back to s10 when Charlie was killed (singer was mainly to blame). Dead in the bathtub, age old classic of burying ur gays. If you were here you know people never let Supernatural live that down. THEY KNOW what bury ur gays means. Hell, Robbie Thompson left because of Charlie's death and you think the writers don't know what it means? I mean both Bobo Berens (especially) and Steve Yockey's careers are centered around LGBT+ storytelling and you think they don't know? They know. They know.

And Dean wasn't just apart of the bury your gays trope, it is so far BEYOND that. Dean being killed on a rusty nail/screw, the tongues ripped out, things that seemed to be meant for other people. Jensen's acting in the last two episodes was giving us "DEAN RECIPROCATES" but no one ever actually saying it. I think it's clear that Dean was killed for being Bi. They didn't address it for a reason, they just silenced him. His narrative was supposed to be about letting him be HIM for the first time, to say what his feelings are instead of having them miscommunicated, and instead of doing that, they just silenced him. And the more we look at this scene the more horrific it gets. The more it's a complete slap in the face and it's supposed to be. Some guy who knows nothing about the LGBT can't write a scene this horrific.

Some guy who knows nothing about Dean couldn't write a scene that deconstructs all of Dean's character development and gives Dean his worst nightmare. I MEAN DEAN WANTED TO LIVE HIS LIFE! THEY DIDNT HIDE THAT JOB APPLICATION (or whatever job related thing that was) IN THERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION. Dean isn't Barney from HIMYM. If you watched HIMYM then you'll know Barney went from being a stereotypical ladies man and treating women terribly to being in love with a women and treating her right and working hard for it. The last episode of HIMYM (why its so bad) Barney's character development is thrown out and he's back to being a stereotypical ladies man. You don't need to know Barney's character very much to do that.

To kill Dean during a hunt his father never finished, to not have anyone at his funeral, to have Dean die young like his life didn't matter. Those are Dean's worst fears and you'd only truly know that if you watched the gin episode in s3, where they are basically laid out for you. You HAVE to know Dean's character to tear him apart like this.

This episode took all the core elements of the show and did a complete 180° the name of the episode itself is "Carry on" and Dean and Sam very much did not carry on. Sam grieving his entire life so that he good get to heaven and see Dean again. Dean being ready to live his life, despite the enormous pitfalls and learning to love himself only to be killed. "Family don't end with blood." Um.... it did in that episode either literally with Dean's death or you know BECAUSE NONE OF THEIR FOUND FAMILY WAS THERE. Not Jack, Not Cas, Not Eileen, Not Donna, Not Charlie, Not Jody, Not Claire... on and on we go. No one was there, nobody was even mentioned. Dean's funeral, no one even called that we know of. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean. And Bobby. Don't forget Bobby. But yeah Sam and Dean.

That's what the show is about right, the brothers.

Except it's not anymore. It hasn't been for years.

Cas not being there was deafening but it brought us to a major point. Becky. Becky's telling us about the terrible ending.

And many of us are wondering why would they literally tell us this is the worst ending and then... make it the ending.

Now before we move on, it very apparent many of you think Dabb doesn't ship Deancas. And Dabb doesn't care about the characters.

Say what you will about any plot holes in his writing, the point he is VERY GOOD at writing the characters, and giving us good ones.

Why do we know Dabb ships Deancas? (ill say when its cowrote, other wise its not) cowrote ep 8.02 - purgatory "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" "Cas, Buddy, I need you." "I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you." 8.08 Hunteri Heroici - Cas helps them hunt! 😊❤ Dean & Cas have a serious convo about why Cas doesn't want to see/go to heaven. 8.22 Dean's mad at Cas. Sam's explanation of why Dean should be easy on Cas: "It's Cas." Dean then points out how he'd knife anybody else if they did what Cas did. 9.10 - Cas comforts Dean when Dean can't take seeing Sam (Gadreel) being tortured anymore. Also tons of Cas. 9.20 (bloodlines) - Canonical couple parallel "I was there, where were you" 9.22 The angels make Cas choose between them and killing Dean and he "gave up an entire army for one guy" 10.09 Claire's reintroduction. Cas heavy ep. DeanCas date. 10.22 THE PRISONER - u know the ep where Dean beats the shit out of Cas but loves him enough to not kill him.

We COULD keep going but I think I've made my point. If Robert Singer is the guy that is like "the show is about Sam and Dean only" Andrew Dabb is the DeanCas shipper. And you could even say a Cas stan.

Notice! How in s13 for SEVEN episodes we have a story that revolves around Dean's grief about losing Cas. Notice! How often the stories in all these seasons have a focus on their relationship. THAT is Andrew Dabb. If it weren't for him doing that, we wouldn't be able to easily say after Dean's lack of a response to Cas' confession, that Dean reciprocates.

To me, when I was (binge) watching s12 for the first time, I thought damn this is really got a lot of DeanCas. So I went to look at who was in charge, who was writing. I saw Andrew Dabb, associated him with Deancas episodes, saw all the new writers, Bobo, and then I saw that Yockey is known for same sex stories and it clicked. Dabb assembled a team to give us Destiel. THAT WAS IN SEASON 12!!!!!!!!

The amount of people saying he's homophobic flabbergast me. Open your eyes! That isn't what's going on.

Imagine making a show and trying to right all the wrongs of Supernatural. Imagine trying to write the greatest love story ever told and you have the entire season planned out for it to end off beautifully, it may possibly be your greatest achievement when it's done and then boom. someone comes in and tells you you aren't allowed to make Dean bi or make destiel endgame, after he was most probably already given the go ahead.

Sure. You could imply he's bi or into cas still in a way. Still make nice-ish ending. just give everyone what the kinda want.

Or you could scrap the last season, nothing close to a canonical bisexual Dean Winchester or Deancas endgame in site. People can be done with it be happy with the show, continue to live their lives in ignorance as to how close they were to Canon destiel.

OR you can lead everyone to the very closest you can get them to what you were aiming for and then show everyone the ugly truth and reality. Light it all on fire. Burn the show to the ground in your wake. Try your darnedest to making these people's (the people saying no) pockets suffer. Show us, the audience, what happened. Show us what this show really is.

I've seen people talk about the ending being changed during covid but I dont think that happened. I think what happened was Dabb already had this season planned out before it even started. Obviously the details were wobbly but it was all lead up to this ending. Destiel endgame, Canon Bisexual Dean, whatever it was. They were ready to write the greatest love story ever told and then someone shut it down.

Imagine the pain that must have caused them to be told no when they already said yes. They must have been so excited to give this to us.

I think someone (some producers) told him what this show is "really" about. The brothers. Can you imagine, after being told no, some kinda bullshit like this is said to you: "Why aren't you bringing it back to the brothers, Andrew? that's what the shows about. What with all this homosexual stuff, you know the audience won't like that. Not really." Imagine the original producers pushing this kind of view on you. "You know when we started it was Sam and Dean. It should end with Sam and Dean." That kinda sounds like someone huh? huh.

So why give us a nice acceptable finale, when you can take every problem Supernatural's had either up front or behind the scenes and create a finale so incredibly bad that people don't want to watch it anymore.

Someone made a good point about how Sam was originally supposed to be the main focus (this isn't to put any hate on Sam or Jared). Dean and Sam are the main characters but Sam was supposed to be the focus and for Dean to have become the focus, must have annoyed the producers because... well here we are. They wouldn't listen to Jensen. The producers liked this ending. Jensen's opinion didn't matter to them.

In some ways, if this is really what happened, it can be seen as childish from Dabb. To hurt all of us like that. Yes, he's hurting the producers, the execs, the cw. But to hurt us? Yeah it stings.

But in other ways, if this is really what happened, this is Dabb showing us the muck and gunk under the shiny surface. The hate for Misha. The hidden hate for Jensen. The underlying sexism. The underlying homophobia. The people REALLY in charge don't care about us, they just want our money. He needed to open our eyes and free us, at least free the people that he was writing for. The people he sees that care about this show.

This is the ending the powers that be wanted and its a big fuck you for a reason. I dont think this is Dabb spitting in our faces for loving this show, I think this is him trying to get revenge for us.

But from here, you can see it how u want it. If this is really what happened, I'm not in charge of your emotions, if you wanna be mad be mad if you wanna be grateful be grateful. And you don't have to believe me either I said this is speculation.

Also, as for all of the rumors like there being shots to the confession scene that we didn't see, which Jensen himself implied, I think that might have been a last ditch effort to canonized DeanCas but obviously it was cut. Like the name change was pretty clear. As for Misha possibly having shot some stuff for 20 I dont know what to tell you. If it's true I dont know where the blame would lie.

I do think however, that if all this was the case, the writers were prepared to become villians here. I mean they told us the writers were villians with Chuck right? So. Who knows what went down so they could give us such a vile ending. It could've been the producers or the writers, who truly knows. I do think tho that people we "trust" did some pretty shitty things to push the narrative in certain directions so now one would see this as the actual ending that was coming.

So again do with my SPECULATION what you will. This was in no way meant to put Dabb on a pedestal or anything. Just meant to give a bit of perspective.

(Also Jensen didn't unfollow Dabb recently he was already unfollowed for years)

[ur-riddikulus]

You’re Worth It (Bucky Barnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You are the resident therapist for the Avengers and Steve asks you for a favor. He wants you to have a therapy session with Bucky. Then you find out that Bucky wasn’t exactly aware of this plan.

Warnings: some cursing, Bucky’s angsty past, a couple small sexual innuendo. Also like a ton of angst but I promise that it does get better lol.

A/N: This is my first fanfic on here. I posted some Harry Potter ones before this, but I reread them and thought I could do better. So, here we are! Thank you for reading and if you want this to turn into more parts, I can totally do that. <3

You had been in your office preparing for your next patient when Steve walked in.

“Hey, Dr. Y/L/N, can I ask you for a favor?” He asked, putting his hands in a praying motion.

“Yeah, absolutely! I do have a patient soon, though.” You replied. You were glad to help, Steve is a great patient and has been improving impressively. So well, in fact, you didn’t know if he would even need to see you much longer.

“Do you know Bucky Barnes? He’s an old pal of mine. He has been against going to therapy for a long time, but you’ve helped me so much and Bucky needs some help too I think. Plus, he saw you around the tower and thought you were cute.” Steve says.

You blushed at that last part, silently wishing you didn’t. You had a rule against dating any patient or anyone in the tower, since it would just be awkward when you inevitably break up. Every relationship you’ve ever been in hasn’t lasted long, considering you’ve never been able to find someone you truly liked.

“Yeah, of course I know Bucky. You don’t shut up about him during your therapy sessions and I’ve seen him sulking around the tower myself. I would love to help him, but like I said, I have another patient soon. I will only have therapy with him if it’s his choice though. And I think he’s absolutely gorgeous but I have a rule against dating anyone who lives or works in the Tower.” You explained.

You looked at the time, Tony Stark, your next patient, would be here any minute. You were the sole therapist for Avengers Tower. There maybe should have been another one, but Tony had one session with you and said that you were the best he’s ever had and no one would ever dare be a therapist and step into his tower again. He even gave you the title of ‘Chief of Mental Health’ despite being literally the only person in that department.

Steve must have noticed you checking your watch, because he said ,”Oh, and I bribed Tony to change his appointment and give it to Bucky, so you kind of have no choice.” 

You looked up, “What? Who knew that Mr. Captain America himself was a cunning little bitch.” You joked, shaking your head. You and Steve, hell, you and everyone in the tower had that kind of relationship. And, he knew you swore like a sailor, so he even ignored it sometimes.

At that moment, Bucky walked in. He looked so handsome with his shoulder-length hair and baby blue eyes. He even looked a little nervous. Well, that’s not surprising, you thought. Everyone, even you, was a tad nervous on the first session.

Steve put up one finger and said, “Let me talk to Buck alone for one moment.” You nodded and he walked Bucky out to the hallway and shut your door. You heard whispers being exchanged and was a little confused but whatever, you thought. You were sure he’s just giving Bucky encouragement. 

You went over and sat down on your grey seat and picked up your chamomile tea. That was probably your favorite part of being a therapist, getting to sit down in comfy chairs all day with your tea. Besides helping people of course.

The door opened once again, with Bucky and Steve reappearing. “Thanks for doing this again, Dr. Y/L/N! Bucky will love you.” Steve said, patting Bucky on the back. You smiled and he exited, leaving only a nervous-looking Bucky standing there.

“Why don’t you come over and sit on the comfortable couch across from me, Bucky?” You motion, pointing over to the couch across from your current chair. He nods and goes to the couch. Well, at least he looks a bit more comfortable, you think to yourself.

“So, what do you want to talk about? Anything is on the table.” You say. You’ve found that not going straight to the tough topics help patients build their trust with you more.

“Well, doll, how about you tell me about yourself first.” He says, getting a bit more confident now. Doll? That’s an odd name to call your therapist. But whatever, you’re sure they used it a lot in the old days. Letting it slide, you try to answer his question.

“Well, I was born and raised here in New York City. I got my PhD. in psychology from NYU and I have an apartment in Brooklyn. I got this job after only one session with Tony Stark and now I am the therapist for the Avengers.” Sure, it was a lot of work, but you absolutely loved your job. Helping the heroes who risk their life to save yours and everyone else’s was the least you could do, you thought.

Bucky nodded and said, “I’m from Brooklyn. Looks much different now than it did when I lived there though. A PhD.? Damn doll, you must be super smart.”

You smiled at his compliment. “Thank you. It wasn’t easy, but it was definitely worth all the late nights studying.”

“So, anything else you want to know about me before we get started?” You asked, getting your notebook to prepare to write notes about Bucky and how to best help him. 

“Get started? Damn, doll. I was thinking we could grab a coffee before we ‘get started.’ But it’s good with me, I guess the girls roll a little different in this time than the 40′s.” Bucky says, chuckling to himself.

You were in the middle of getting to the correct page in the notebook but paused when you heard what he said. What did he think you meant when you said ‘get started’? It sounded very different from your meaning. And getting coffee? It almost sounded like he thought this was a date? You shook your head at that thought. No way could he possibly be that confused. And Steve said he thought you were cute, but you seriously doubted that the Bucky Barnes would even consider going on a date with you. So no, it definitely couldn’t be that. But whatever he thought this was, there was obviously a miscommunication that you had to clear up.

“Uh, Bucky? I think you must be confused. Steve told me that he convinced you to have a therapy session with me this afternoon. What did you think this was?” You ask, a little scared of the answer. 

At hearing this, Bucky seemed very confused. “What do you mean, Steve told me that we were meeting here before going out on our date?”

Now it’s your turn to be confused. What does he mean by ‘our date’? 

“Uh, Steve never said to me that we were going on a date. He told me that he convinced you to have a therapy session with me...” You said, shaking your head in confusion. This made no sense, what was going on?

Apparently that was the conclusion Bucky just got to as well,  because he looked up, a little embarrassed and said, “I’m so sorry. Steve told me that you wanted to go on a date with me and that we were going to meet in your office before going out. I never would have agreed to this if I knew what he was really doing. I’m just going to leave, I’m so sorry for wasting your time.” Bucky raced his hand through his long hair and stood up, walking to the door.

At first, you were a little stunned. The Steve you knew, the world knew, would never pull a trick on anyone, especially his best friend. You knew him enough through your sessions to know that he would only do this if he absolutely had to. Which means he must be desperate for his friend to get the mental help he needed. Also, Bucky was just so damn cute and you have had the biggest crush on him ever since you went to the Captain America exhibit in the local museum for a school trip. You always saw him in the pictures with Steve, his heart-stopping smile still doing wonders on you despite the worn black and white photo.

So, you jumped up right when his hand touched the door handle to leave and probably never see you again. “W-Wait!” You said, hating your stutter but just cringed and kept going when you saw him turn around curiously. “While you’re here you might as well just talk to me. If you hate it, you never have to see me again and can just ignore me in the halls. But, if this session does help you, maybe we can schedule a bit more and see where it goes. I really think I can help you, Bucky.” After you finish your awkward speech, you just smiled and waited for his definite and irreversible no. Well, at least you got the chance to help him, you thought. 

He just sighed and shrugged saying, “Well, I’m already here I guess. But are you sure this could end at any time and that you even want to help me after my dumb friend tricked me into embarrassing myself?” 

You smiled and that last part and smiled, just grateful for the opportunity to help someone so burdened and has done so much for the world. 

Bucky walked back over the his chair and said, “So, Doc, how do we start this?”

You grabbed your notebook again and turned to the right page again. “This is your session, it can start with however you want. But it might help to start from the beginning. How did you feel when you got drafted into a World War when you were only 18?”

He looked deep in thought and said, “Wow, no one ever asked me that.” He sighed before adding, “Of course it was my duty to fight and all that, but I was angry at the world for forcing kids who just barely turned adults to fight their wars for them. I knew it was going to be an adventure, but honestly I was scared shitless, doll.”

You nod, your empathy for him skyrocketing even though you guys just started.

And that’s how your bi-weekly sessions with Bucky would usually go. You guys talked about a whole manner of things, like his past in the 1940′s, his brainwashing with HYDRA, Steve saving him, and his nightmares from everything included. You two were closer than you normally let yourself get to patients. You didn’t know if it was because of everything he had gone through, or maybe even that you finally got to talk and help the Avenger who needed you most, but you honestly didn’t care. Your sessions with him really seemed to help him and now he hasn’t had a nightmare in over 2 months. Bucky seemed a lot happier and waved and talked to you in the halls. Steve even said that he hasn’t seen Bucky like this since the 40′s. You thought that with all things considered, he had a ton of improvement. You two had only been meeting for about 6 months and his progress was truly great;

You tried to forget that in your first meeting he thought you were going on a date and even apparently called you pretty. You knew that nothing romantic should ever come out of your patient and therapist relationship since it was obviously wrong. Every therapist knew that under no circumstances should you date your patient. It would always hurt the patient’s mental health even more and that was the opposite of your job. You suppose it could technically happen if you stopped being his personal therapist but it wouldn’t be worth it. All of his hard work would have been for nothing. 

But you couldn’t help but think what if? What if it ended up working out? What if he got another therapist and you could date him? What if he was the one? But no, you were getting ahead of yourself, you thought. Bucky was great and handsome and so, so perfect. He was honestly everything you wanted in a partner. And still, you couldn’t take the leap. If it didn’t work out and you were possibly the reason his mental health got worse you could never forgive yourself. So every appointment with him you just smiled and tried to ignore that pressing need, even though you were beating yourself up for either being a coward or for being so selfish that you wanted to take that chance.

One day you were in the middle of researching new ways to help a client’s recent mental health issue and trying to (and failing) ignore a certain issue when Bucky walked in with a bouquet of your favorite flowers and a nervous look on his face. You stood up, very confused but nonetheless making yourself known. 

“Uh, Y/N? Could I maybe talk to you for a minute?” He asked. You’ve never seen him dressed so well. Normally he just wore either workout clothes or sweatpants. You two even often joked together that he owned no normal clothes. 

“Yeah of course. I’m sorry I didn’t know we had a session today.” You said, cursing yourself for making such a mistake. Usually you were pretty good with schedules, even though working with the entire compound was a bit much to remember. 

“Oh, we don’t. I just wanted to ask you a question.” Bucky said, biting his lip. A nervous tick that you soon discovered in one of your early sessions together.

“Sure, ask away.” You replied. You were getting a little worried. Surely he didn’t want to end your appointments together, right? Did you do something wrong?

“First of all, these are for you.” He said nervously as he handed you the flowers. You smiled, surprised that he remembered you telling him your that your favorite was y/f/f while complaining that the local florist didn’t have them during one of your bi-weekly meetings. “Thank you, these are absolutely beautiful. I love them.” You smiled and walked over to a window ledge with a vase on it and put them in, admiring how they looked in the sunlight.

When you were finished admiring them you walked back over to Bucky. “Thank you again, they really are beautiful. I don’t even remember the last time someone was so nice and got flowers for me.” You said and hugged him. You knew he wasn’t that great with personal touch but surprised you when he hugged you back pretty quickly. For a moment you just focused on being in his arms but then soon thought of how inappropriate it would look to an outsider and reluctantly pulled away. 

“So, what did you want to ask? Is everything okay?” You ask, quickly remembering that something could be wrong with him.

“Yeah, of course everything is fine. You truly are a great therapist, Y/N. You’ve got a gift.” Bucky said. You blushed at his words and hated that your color would give away your inappropriate feelings possibly. His words did calm you down though. But if it wasn’t about therapy, then what else could it be about?

Feeling your blush go down finally, you nodded and urged him to go on, now too curious to wait it felt like.

He sighed and nervously ran his hand through his hair. “You have to promise me that if this goes wrong, our relationship won’t be ruined. It’s too important for me to ruin by being an idiot.” You immediately promised. Normally you would be cautious about such a thing but you have never trusted anyone this quickly and this much with Bucky.

After he saw your quick agreement, he went on. “So, these past couple weeks, well since we’ve started meeting actually, I was interested in you. I was never going to act on it in a million years but you’ve helped me so much and I think we could really be great together. And Steve might have noticed me staring at you and telling me I should do something about it.” He chuckled. “So, want to go on a real date? I would go the whole 9 yards, nice restaurant and everything. But I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do and know that our relationship isn’t necessarily the easiest to become romantic. I just think you're worth it, doll. You're worth all of it.” He stopped and bit his lip again, waiting for your response.

Your heart soared when you heard his speech. No one had every made you feel this way. You were about to say yes, so close in fact, but then you remembered the real truth. You are his therapist, his doctor, his advocate. That was special and meant something to you. You knew he wanted this but it was your responsibility to make the hard choice, to do what you honestly hated to do but thought was right.

“No, Buck. I’m sorry but I can’t. I just think it could ruin all your hard work and that’s the last thing that I want to do. It just shouldn’t be risked.” You said. Telling him that felt like vomit was coming up and you felt even worse when you saw him look dejected and lose his smile so quickly because of you.

You moved your arm to touch his and try to support him the best you could within your boundaries but he saw you trying to do it and moved before you could touch him. And that really hurt. 

You opened your mouth to try and say that you wanted to say yes, that it wasn’t him and just your job but he put up his hand to stop you and said,”No, I shouldn't have asked, I’m sorry.” before walking out.

After the door shut you just closed your mouth in surprise of how this could all go so wrong before falling on the ground and just sobbing. You were hyperventilating soon and snot was going everywhere but you just didn’t care. You were the therapist, the one who knew all the mental health tips and tricks but you were too broken to think logically and it felt good to just let yourself cry.

This stayed the same for two straight weeks. Bucky rescheduled every meeting and put himself into more missions, especially the more dangerous ones. You would cry yourself to sleep nearly every night and by the morning, your eyes were really puffy and swollen from the night before. Everyone in the tower knew something was going wrong and you could feel their stares of sympathy and worry. You felt terrible but what felt even worse was that you weren’t even speaking with Bucky anymore. And as bad as you felt, you couldn’t help but be even more worried for him. You were prepared to just wallow in your own self-pity and cry for the nth time when Steve knocked on the door and walked in when you were in your office, just drinking chamomile tea and looking at the flowers Bucky got you.

“Hey Doc, how’s it going?” He asked, sitting down and looking worried. You just looked up at him and decided to finally cut the shit and get right to what you were worried about. “Steve, how’s Bucky? And tell me the truth, I’ll find out eventually.” Steve sighed and said, “Honestly he’s not doing great. He looks like crap and is throws himself into missions. Bucky also keeps taking stupid risks that could leave him wounded or even worse. We’ve all spoken with him and he just ignores it. I think the only thing that would really fix him is talking with you. he’s never been like this before, I just don’t know what to do.”

You knew that he would probably tell you the last part, that he feels out of control. Control issues was what you most talked about with Steve during your sessions. Not that you could blame him, you would definitely have them too after everything he has gone through. But that could be discussed in your future sessions with him. Right now, you just wished everything was back to normal.

You nodded sadly, even more worried for him now. But Steve talking to you changed something. You needed to talk to Bucky. And right now. Your fear of rejection was high and you knew there was a fairly high chance that he was too hurt to trust you and that he would probably say no but you didn’t care. Even if he rejected you, you didn’t care. As long as he would be better and your relationship went back to normal, you could live with it. Even if it would take a long time to get better after this, he would be worth it.

So you just looked up, your mind set on what you had to do. “Where is he? I need to find him right now.”

Steve looked up surprised and said, “Uh, in his room I think. He just signed up for another hard mission and we asked him not to but he insisted. He’s probably getting ready since he will have to leave soon.”

After hearing this, you jumped up frantically while yelling “Thank you so much Steve!” as you ran out, not even caring to stop the door from slamming. 

Now, even though you worked in a tower full of superheroes, you were only the therapist and still haven’t ran in a while. So you ran and ignored all the stares of the workers and Avengers. When you finally got there, you were out of breath and breathing hard. But still, you worked through your mini heart attack and knock on the door, still frantic.

You heard some rustling behind the door and a few mumbled curse words when he began saying loudly, “Steve, I’m fine. I’m going on that mission whether you think I should or no-” Bucky opened the door and once he saw you, a probably sweaty, red, and gross you, finished with a confused “-not?”

You put up one finger to signal for him to give you a moment to catch your breath. After that, you joked, “Guess I need to workout more.”

“No, I think you look great. Uh, n-not that my opinion matters or anything. If you think you need to work out then that’s what you should do.” He said, nervously stuttering but nodding at his final sentence like by catching it he saved himself from saying something wrong.

He cleared his throat before continuing. “So, how can I help you? I do have to leave on a mission soon though.”

It broke your heart how formally he was speaking, almost like you were complete strangers.

Maybe you should go, you thought. But no, you had to. Bucky was worth the embarrassment you could possibly face, whether you two were going to date or not. Forcing yourself to remember that, you steeled yourself and said, “I’m sorry Bucky, about everything I said. That date sounded amazing, it really did. I wanted to go and I still do. I was just worried about how inappropriate it would be for a therapist to date their patient. I didn’t want your mental health to backtrack and I honestly thought that I was doing the right thing. But I miss you, Buck. I miss you terribly. And you're worth all of the risks to me, you outweigh them all. So please don’t go on that mission, let someone else take the dumb risks. From what I’ve heard you have taken enough for a while. Please, just stay with me and we can talk?” You looked up at him pleadingly and saw him pull out his phone before shutting the door in your face.

That shut door hurt you, but you were prepared for it and sighed. It was too good to be true, you guessed. The fairytale ending, the white picket fence, the handsome husband. You turned around, prepared to walk away with the  thought of going back to your apartment and drowning your sorrows in chamomile tea and tissues when you heard the door open behind you and felt a hand grab yours to turn you around.

And there was Bucky, smiling like an absolute idiot. And at first you thought that he was making fun of you, but even then you still thought he looked handsome with that smile. “Sam’s in. He’ll take the mission for me.” He said.

“What?” was all you could muster. You had no idea what he was talking about it sounded almost like... That’s when you heard Sam on speaker phone, “Yep, that’s right sweetheart. I’m gonna do the dumb mission. Kiss Bucky real good for me, sucks I can’t be there to do it myself.” Then you heard Sam make a bunch of kissy noises and that’s when Bucky said, “Enough of him.” And ended the call. Then he grabbed your hand once more and shut the door behind you. He backed you against his door with him so close to you that your chest was touching his. 

You were still in shock of your luck when Bucky leaned in and kissed you. You were a little shocked but soon kissed him back, and hard. It was like you were underwater and he was the oxygen. The kiss soon turned rougher and you did not mind at all.

A couple hours later you were both laying on the bed, snuggling and watching a dumb movie that both of you weren’t even paying attention to. You were both just too wrapped up in each other’s presence. “Hey, I think you got some of that exercise you mentioned needing. Maybe we could even do some more if you want.” Bucky said, looking down at you and laughing. 

You hit him lightly but couldn’t help from laughing hard as well. Only hours ago you thought that you wouldn’t get anything with Bucky. No happy ending, white picket fence, and with Bucky, the whole package. But no, you got much more than that. So much more.

[songbirdsingingthings]

Ice Skating - Shouto Todoroki x Reader

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS, THEY BELONG TO KOHEI HORIKOSHI

DAY SIX OF 25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS - 25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS MASTERLIST - MAIN MASTERLIST

A/N: This is my favorite that I’ve written so far, also I don’t know a ton about ice skating so there might be some inconsistencies with the sport irl <3

Maybe a class 1A trip to the local ice skating rink wasn’t the best idea but it certainly wasn’t a boring one. With each student bundled up and topped off with hats, earmuffs, and insulated headbands, you were all seated and tugging on your skates. Two benches away from yours, you already see trouble stirring. 

“Oi, dunce face, watch your waddling!” Bakugou exclaimed, standing up. In the process he wobbles slightly, but is stabilized by grabbing onto Kirishima’s arm.

“Haha, sorry Bakugou!” A sheepish Denki replies. You smile at the silly interaction and return your focus to lacing up your skates. You’ve always loved skating, ever since you were little, and you did it often enough that your parents had bought you your own pair of skates. You never went super far into the sport but you do know how to do a few jumps and tricks.

“Wow, Y/N, your skates are so pretty!” Uraraka complimented. You flush a bit, looking at what's on your feet compared to the others. The pretty ivory white did look quite stunning next to all the boot-like skates the rest of your classmates were wearing.

“Oh, thank you! They were a Christmas gift a while back.” You stand up with ease and stretch a bit.

“Have you skated before?” Poking out from behind Uraraka, you see Midoriya's face with a curious expression plastered on it.

“Yeah, I got lessons when I was a kid but I didn’t compete or anything. I knew when I got my quirk that I wanted to become a hero but it didn’t hurt to have a hobby.” You say, smiling as Uraraka helped the green haired boy to his feet, red faces exchanged between the two.

“I wonder if Todoroki has ever been ice skating. I mean he does have an ice quirk.” Uraraka wonders. You’re sure that she doesn’t realize that her hand was still holding Midoriya’s, but you make note of it to tell her later.

“Hmm?” A smooth voice questioned from behind you. Speak of the devil, you remark, turning around to see the boy the three of you had been talking about. Wearing a white, loose turtleneck and a soft pair of black pants, he looked great. You get lost in thought for a second but shake your mind from its grasp, flashing him a nice smile.

“We were wondering if you’ve ever been ice skating,” You say, reiterating Uraraka’s previous question. A small smile and... wait was that a blush? flashes across his face.

“I haven’t, actually. This would be a first for me.” He says, looking at the rink through the plastic barriers.

“Well then,” Uraraka starts to say, making her way - as best she could with skates on - over to you. Oh no, I know that tone, you think as she links an arm through yours. “You should ask Y/N to give you some pointers! She was just telling us how she used to skate when she was younger.” You panic a bit on the inside but show no fear on your outward expression. When Uraraka had told you about her crush on Izuku Midoriya a couple months ago, you had shared your small crush on Shouto Todoroki with her. You might be regretting that a little bit now.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Are you okay with that?” He asks you. You see something flicker in his eyes, but not being able to a finger on what it actually was, you let it go.

“Yeah! That’s cool with me!” Mentally facepalming for acting so weirdly casual, you make your way over to the gate. However, everything seems to calm as soon as you step onto the ice. The glossy surface beneath the blades of your skates felt so comforting, melting all of your previous worries. You take a few glides across the ice to get a good feel and turn back to wait for Todoroki. The rest of the class piles onto the ice in an… unorganized fashion, but they all look to be having a good time. You even spot Uraraka and Midoriya skate past you, very discreetly holding hands. This causes a giddy smile to break out over your face.

“They seem close.” Todoroki comments as he starts to shakily enter the rink. This causes a laugh to erupt from you. The red-and-white haired raised an eyebrow and you shake your hands in front of you.

“Sorry, that just caught me off guard. Are you ready to start?” You ask, looking over his stance. While he did stumble a bit as he entered, he seemed to be doing fine now.

“Yeah, uh, how do I move forward?” He asks you, heterochromatic eyes meeting your Y/E/C ones. You smile and skate so that you're parallel to him, granting him a better angle at looking at your movements. 

“To start, I usually push off of my dominant foot like this,” you say, directing his gaze to your preferred foot, stepping forward in a somewhat diagonal angle. You step a few more times and turn back to Todoroki. He nods, his eyes on the ice beneath his skates as he tries to copy your movements and immediately succeeds. He looks up to find your eyes but is graced with a beaming smile. “Wow Todoroki! That was amazing, it took me ages to do it that well,” you praise, skating over to be next to him. The both of you start to glide in a synchronous manner, matching your steps exactly.

“So Uraraka was saying that you did this when you were younger?” He inquires as you make your second round around the perimeter. You nod and smile, effortlessly gliding across the ice. “Did you ever go into competitions?” His second question surprised you a bit. Of course, you had several conversations with each other about non school or hero related things, but him asking about what your younger self liked to do made you blush a bit.

“Oh, uh, I didn’t, no. At the age I was, I wouldn’t be able to compete properly with the other girls.” He nodded but you see that same flicker in his eyes as you did before.

“I used to watch skating competitions with my mother when I was younger. I, um, always thought they were quite beautiful.” You grin at him as you pause at the gate.

“That’s what drew me to the hobby originally. The intricate moves and spins always seemed to capture my attention.” Todoroki immediately agrees with you, leaning against the wall.

“Can you do some of them?” He asks, a small smile gracing your face. You nod, bashfully.

“None of the super cool ones but I can pull off a few doubles.”

“Could you show me?” Your eyes go wide at his request and only get bigger when, from behind you, Uraraka cheers.

“Everyone clear the ice! Y/N is gonna show us her moves!” Red rushes across your face which causes Todoroki to immediately start apologizing.

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to put you on the spot-”

“It’s fine, Todoroki. I’d be happy to show you.” Before you step out and glide to the center of the ice, a hand wraps softly around your wrist.

“Shouto.” He says simply, causing an eyebrow of yours to raise in confusion. “Um, call me Shouto.” If you weren’t already grinning then you were definitely beaming at him.

“Then I would like you to call me Y/N.” You swear you see a blush creep up onto his cheeks, but you skate to the center of the ice. That’s when you see that the entire class had stopped to watch what you were doing. A little stage fright, you glance around until your eyes fall back onto Shouto’s. Just his eyes meeting yours results in immediate solace. You start to skate around the middle, gaining speed as you prepare your first jump - a double toe loop. You prep, spin your leg, and jump off of the ice, turning twice in the air before landing. You were honestly proud of yourself - it had been a little while since you practiced these kinds of jumps but you were able to execute them and land almost perfectly. You do a few more jumps, one double axel and one double salchow, before you skate back into the middle and stand there, awaiting your class’ response. You don’t expect the class to erupt in cheers but that’s exactly what happened. You laugh a bit before you scamper off the ice, donning guards to protect your blades.

“Y/N, that was incredible! If I had roses I would throw them all on there!” Uraraka exclaims, her arms thrown around you in a hug. You thank her and give her a grin as you walk towards the water fountain, gaining several pats on the back while the class clambered back onto the ice. All of the class, except for one person.

“I don’t know much about ice skating but I know enough to say that what you did was quite beautiful.” Shouto says, leaning against the wall next to you. A happy expression broke out across your face.

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“I was also wondering if…” his sentence trailed off, your happy expression replaced with an eager one now.

“Yes, Shouto?” You urge him, hoping and praying that what he was about to say matched what you had in mind.

“I was wondering if you would like to study with me later tonight, in my dorm.” Now, normally this wouldn’t have been the greatest step for a regular relationship, but for Shouto it was leaps and bounds.

“I would love to.” You respond with a sweet look in your eyes. As the two of you step back out onto the ice, he takes your hand in his - subtly, like what Uraraka and Midoriya had displayed earlier - and starts to skate around with you. A few beats of silence passes which you are happy to break. “Would I be safe to assume that this study session would count as a first date?” You inquire cheekily, looking between him and what was in front of you. Shouto says nothing for a bit but you feel a squeeze in your hand.

“...yes, you would be safe in assuming that.” Oh, what ice skating does to bring out a boy’s courage.

[xpeachesncream]

please could you make taehyung jealous for the next perfectly wrong drabbles? 👉👈

perfectly wrong | drabble [3]: if it’s one thing taehyung truly has a love-hate relationship with, it’s the fact that you have such a sweet, kind and warm demeanor towards everything and everyone.

word count: 1.8k

warnings: pretty fluffy, implied sexual content, cussing, tae is petty but also pouty

notes: feel free to send requests like this to my inbox and i will get to them! it may not be right away but i promise i’ll take a look. it can be for anyone in the perfectly wrong series. same thing goes for off the grid. however, please note that there are certain things i won’t write about - extreme mental/physical/verbal abuse (we’re all about fun, lighthearted pettiness here and nothing serious), threesomes, orgies, any extreme, intense smut because i’m still not used to writing smut like that. basically anything that you might be uncomfortable with or wouldn’t do in real life, i most likely will feel uncomfortable too and will not write about it! pls keep that in mind, thank you! love you all tons! 💗

Taehyung will not hesitate to let people know that he's your man and your man only. You thought he might have learned from the entire Jungkook situation, in which in a sense he has; he no longer acts weird about how close you and Jungkook are, but that doesn't mean he doesn't get jealous outside of that bubble.

He was the campus fuckboy, after all. He knows the capabilities of the boys here. He knows the intentions of the majority. He's familiar with the stupid little games boys play. If anything, he helped play a role in the stupidity of many boys on campus. He was a champion, the walking fuckboy 101 bible - they wanted to be Taehyung and they did everything to follow his ways.

So, when he's ordering coffee and sees a guy trying to lay his sweetness on you, getting all googly-eyed and licking his lips like you're his last meal on Earth, he doesn't like it one bit because he knows that look. He's been there before, especially with you. It doesn't help that you're super approachable, welcoming anything and anyone into your arms like you're some kind of saint.

The anonymous dude [Taehyung can't tell from afar] apparently cracks a joke, because you're entertaining it and playfully shoving him aside. You're beaming from ear to ear, tears almost streaming down from whatever joke he's telling you.

You hadn't laughed like that with him in awhile, nor has he seen you smile so big like that. Obviously, it's the jealousy talking. You loved Taehyung more than anything, and he was the only one who could make you feel the way that you do.

"The fuck?" He mumbles to himself.

"Here's your coffee, Tae." The barista says softly behind the counter, her gaze going between him and the scene. He can't keep his eyes off of this interaction, praying to the heavenly being above that the boy will get the hint and leave before Taehyung can get there. But he doesn't. He continues to crack jokes or whatever the hell he's doing to make you laugh the way that you're laughing. You rest your chin on your palm as you look at the dude in front of you, head tilted, looking all cute and shit and you don't even know it. Tae's eyes widen when he sees you place a hand on his shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze.

"T-thanks, could you actually just toss it in a to go cup, please? I think we're gonna head out instead." He dug his hands in his pockets as he keeps watch, the barista silently doing as asked. Taehyung quickly grabs the coffee and heads out to where you're seated, the dude still all up on his woman like he had been waiting for the right opportunity to pounce on her ass all day.

"Wow, are you serious? Christian that's hilarious, I'm sorry. Maybe you should have gone for that installment instead. Either way, I think it'll look amazing. It'll look so good when you finish it." He hears you reassuring ol' dude. You look up to see Taehyung slowly approaching, his forehead furrowed like some kind of angry, old man waiting for kids to get off of his porch. Curls all defined and fluffy, he didn't look intimidating to you one bit - but Christian squirms in his seat, finally catching the hint that Taehyung was not happy about him sitting that close to you with his arm brushing up against yours. Taehyung's eyes were piercing right through him, colored lenses intensifying the look.

"S-sorry, I was about to—"

"No, please stay. Let's all gather around and talk about each other's day." Taehyung sarcastically scrunches his nose and does a shimmy to show that he's actually not fucking playing right now and Christian better know what's good for him.

"I was just asking her for some advice on art class." He stands to nervously dust himself off. Now, if it's one thing you know too well, it's how petty Taehyung gets when he's jealous. You quietly sit there, a little hot and bothered with how Taehyung is acting, but you also want to laugh at how people really find Taehyung so intimidating. If you all only knew how much of a baby bear he was behind closed doors.

"Cute. You do know the fucking art room is two steps behind you, right? You know, where the professor usually is at." He steps forward, jaw slightly clenching.

"Look man, I really didn't mean any harm." Taehyung nods. "I was just about to leave."

"Don't forget to pick up your googly eyes from the floor." Taehyung shoots him a finger gun and clicks his teeth. "Wouldn't wanna misplace those for the next time you try and use them on my girlfriend again." Christian leaves without saying anything else, causing you to snort.

"What was that about?" You chuckle.

"Let's go." He sternly says, handing you the cup of coffee.

"I thought we were gonna sit and drink this here?"

"Or we can just sit and drink this at home." You hurriedly get up to follow him as he starts walking towards the car.

"Are you really that upset?"

"Are you really that upset?" He mocks your tone as he continues to walk to the car.

"Real mature, Kim Taehyung." He looks over his shoulder to glance at you with those eyes before looking back at the car. He silently opens the door for you, avoiding all contact. You silently giggle to yourself because even though he could get annoyingly petty like this, he still found ways to be a gentleman and cater to you. You watch as he plops into the driver's seat, sipping his coffee as he stares out at the campus. "Tae, what are we doing?"

"You wanted to sit and drink this here, right?"

"You're annoying." You roll your eyes and sit back. Was he really doing this right now? Taking your ass to the car to enjoy your coffee, away from people?

"Says the one who was all it'll look so good when you finish it. Ouuuu, either way it'll look amazing." He mocks your tone. "If anything, you're the annoying one, acting all cute when you know these dudes have it out for you. Since when do you shower people with compliments like that? I thought I was the only one."

"No, they don't, Christian is just a good friend from class and I was just trying to help give him some solid advice."

"Oh, so he's a good friend now?" He raises his eyebrow. "Jungkookie is a good friend. Hoseok is a good friend. Yoongi is a good friend." He counts on his hand, showing you the three fingers he has up. "Where's Christian at? I don't see him on that list. Christian is not a good friend." He puts his hand out as if he's waiting for your response. "Wooooow, it's quiet, no back talk, ey?" You put his hand down. Did I tell you he was also a comedian at best?

"Babe, stop." You pout, but he shakes his head. "Why are you acting so jealous right now?"

"Cause! The way you were all smiley and laughing with him. Praising him. Playfully pushing him and shit. You barely do that with me."

"You have got to be kidding. I've done that with you time and time again, I barely spend time with anyone else but you. You always make me laugh and you always make me smile, much more than anyone else."

"A-and you were like squeezing his shoulder so sweetly. You had this soft touch when it came to him even though he was looking at you like he was thinking some foul shit. You just— You just give it so easily."

"Baby." You chuckle. "Okay, that's just way too far."

"I know it all too well. I know a boy's brain like the back of my hand. So yeah, we're enjoying this coffee in here whether you like it or not." He furrows his eyebrows. You give him a moment to calm down before you reach over and caress his cheek. He welcomes your touch and you can instantly feel him relaxing as you continue to touch him gently.

"You're too cute."

"No." He pouts.

"Taehyung, you know I love you. And you know you're the only one who can make me feel all sorts of ways - one being happy and incredibly giddy from your lame jokes."

"They're not lame."

"They're lame." You joke as you scrunch your nose. "But that's what makes them unique to you. I wouldn't have it any other way. And on top of that, you know I can never stop smiling around you no matter the circumstance. Like now." You smile at him because honestly, he was being too fucking cute and you wanted nothing but to cuddle him at home. He had such a jealous side to him that little things ticked him off, but you knew he cared and just wanted you to himself. You couldn't help but feel the same, hence the girl at the mall being all flirty with him.

"Honestly, you're gonna be the death of me." He looks at you, his cheek falling deeper into your touch while you giggle. "Seriously, it's not funny. You had me experiencing heart palpitations when you touched him like that, it's not a joke."

"Relax." You chuckle. "You're dramatic."

"You wanna talk dramatic?" He looks at you. "She got all flirty with you when she walked off and you didn't even say anything!"

"Okay, I get it!"

"Mhm." He wiggles an eyebrow. He begins to start the car and pull off, the ride pretty silent. You knew he just needed a moment to get over himself, so as soon as you step into your apartment, you put your things aside and throw your arms around him.

"Babe." You plant kisses all over his face.

"Mmm, no—" He says in between kisses. "You— don't— get to do that—- and expect to— win me over— just like that."

"Uh huh. Yet, you're still kissing back." You say, pushing him towards your room. All you had planned was just to cradle your big baby and cuddle him until he felt better. You've learned that's how Taehyung gets over most things. Truly.

"Y/N, I'm not joking." He lays on his side after tossing his keys and phone on your night stand. He throws his hood over his head, while you throw yourself onto him, being the bigger spoon.

"Hey." You forcefully turn him around to make him face you. He does nothing look at you, allowing you to place a soft, passionate kiss on his plump lips. He gives into it, deepening it while tugging you closer to him. "You know I only have eyes for this handsome guy right here, right?" You boop the mole on his nose.

"Good, cause I want you all to myself. Stop being such a fucking saint. Be mean for once. I know you can do it, since you always catch an attitude with me." You laugh.

"Whatever, Taehyung. If that makes you feel better."

"Good." He smirks. "Come here. I'm trying to show you that you're mine and only mine." He wraps his arms around you and snuggles tightly against your body until you hear him softly snoring into your chest.

[akiisame]

Genshin impact guide - how to into artifacts

How to into artifacts and team set.

A guide by me for my kawaii @stupidneko and whoever is in need.

Okay, so, as a word of introduction before well start with this long ass post, I’ve never wrote anything like this so be patient with me.

ALSO ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE SO SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR ANY MISTAKES

In my personal opinion artifacts are more important than the characters themselves, they can turn every 4* into a main dps (yes, even amber). 50% of your DMG will come from items, then the other 50% will come from weapon, talents and the character itself, but this is a story for another post.

First let’s take a look at what kind of artifacts do we have. Each and every character have 5 slots for artifacts:

Flower of life - or just flower, for short

Plume of death - feather

Sand of eon - time watch piece

Goblet of Eonothem - goblet

Circlet of Logos - head piece

Each of the pieces have two types of stats: main stats and sub stats. The first two pieces, flower and feather, always have the same main stat.

For flower it's HP

And for feather it's ATK

Then for the rest of them it can be anything, from good main stats like this:

(The following items have high stats because most of them are on max lvl)

... to less of a good stats, like this:

Goblets also are the only artifacts that has the possibility to have element DMG bonus as the main stats:

While head piece are the only artifacts that can have CRIT DMG and CRIT rate as a main stats:

... but they too can have less of a good stats like healing bonus or DEF.

Now, to the sub stats. They can vary from less appealing stats like HP, DEF and Elemental Mastery:

To a great stats like CRIT DMG, CRIT rate and ATK:

Unfortunately that's where the tricky part comes in. You cannot chose which substats the item will have. They will randomly appear. All that's left is to cry and pray.

But how do you get more stats on your item? That's simple, you need to level it up! We call it 'enhancing'. Depending on the rarity of your item( they vary from 1* (one start) to 5*(five stars) ) there are different max lvl cap. I'll mostly focus here on the 4* and 5* items. Max lvl cap for 4* is lv16 and for 5* is lv20.

Every artifact you'll get is always lv1. To enhance an artifact you'll need mora and another artifacts. The main stats will grow with each level, but the substats will update every 4th level (so for 5* item new substats will appear on 4th, 8th,12th, 16th and 20th level). Let's take this 5* feather: Bard's Arrow Feather

As all feathers it has ATK as a main stats and quite decent substats. You can enhance it by giving it other artifacts. You can also auto add artifacts of given level (1*, 2* or below, 3* or below and 4* or below)

Or you can chose items manually if you click on the gray '+' icon. Once you do it, there will be a list of artifacts you can use for enhancing. Only items that are not given to any characters will appear here.

Let’s enhance it up by one lvl (there’s limit of pic so I can’t show it ksmosjnwk). As I said, the main stats got better, but the substats didn't change because that was only the 1st level. So now let's enhance it to lv4. Once we choose enough artifacts to enhance it to lv4 we’ll see an information that one new substat will appear. (It doesn’t always have to be new substats. Sometimes the substats that the piece already have can get a boost).

Let's see what I'll get:

... Yea, I'm going to cry.

But for real now, that's how the artifacts work. Depending on your luck you can get a great items or a depression.

Usually people always aim for artifacts with ATK and CRIT as a both main and substats, but that all depend on you team composition.

But Akii, how do I chose good artifacts for my characters? How do I build my team?

I'm happy you asked. We can have up to 4 character in the team. Usually people aim for a team consisted of one main DPS, one healer and two supports, but ofc that all depends on your style of the game and your needs.

What is the most important in building your team and deciding on artifacts is the characters talents themselves. You absolutely have to check their talents and passives before giving them any artifacts, cause for some of them items with HP as a main stat could be actually good (like Barbara, since her role is only healing she doesn’t make more than 100 dmg on her normal attack but she heals a TONS).

Let's take my team for example, I’ll explain what their talents do and choose artifacts accordingly:

Razor as my main DPS

Qiqi as my healer

Xingqiu as my support

And Xiao that is none of the above but I just got him so I really wanna use him lmao

Usually I'd have Bennett in my team that would work as both healer and support, but yea, Xiao happen. Anyway, back to the topic

Since Razor is my main DPS I am focusing mostly on the DMG he can do. That's why when choosing artifacts for him I was aiming for the one with ATK/CRIT.

I do believe right now is a good moment to introduce artifacts sets. Each artifact has its own sets. There are plenty of sets to chose from. Now, the question is, does it matter from which set the item comes? Yes, it does.

Every set has all 5 types of artifacts to offer (a flower, feather, time watch piece, goblet and head piece). Depending on how many of the pieces from the same set you'll have you can get different stats. Let's take everyone's favorite Gladiator's Finale set. If you equip 2 pieces of Gladiator your get additional 18% of your base attack. IT'S A LOT!

But if you equip 4 pieces of Gladiator your normal attack (the single mouse tap, not the skills or the hold tap) will be increased by 35% IF your character has a sword, polearm or claymore (so it doesn't work on characters with books and bows, sorry Amber).

As I was saying, since my Razor is my main DPS and his role is to hit, not deal Electro DMG, I gave him 4 pieces of Gladiator's Finale just so he can have these additional 35%. But his head piece belongs to Wandener's Troupe. Why? Since every character can have 5 different artifacts, and the set's bonuses are only up to 4 pieces, the last one can belong to any other set. I chose Wandener's because it have CRIT rate as a main stats, so it's perfect for main DPS character. (The last piece doesn’t have to be the head piece, it can be any of the other 4 pieces).

You can check the character stats and the difference in the artifacts by going to your character menu and then clicking on the ‘details’.

For example here are my Xiao stats calculated with all the artifacts he has right now on him:

And here I have my Xiao without any artifacts and with 1* weapon:

DO YOU SEE THE HUUUGE DIFFERENCE?

Next we have Qiqi, my healer. One would think that, if she's a healer, then it would be good to have a set that is designed for healers on her, right? Wrong.

Let's take a look on Qiqi elemental skill (You can check your character skills by clicking on ‘talents’ in the character menu):

(APPARENTLY TUMBLR WONT ALLOW ME TO POST MORE THAN 10 PICS IN ONE POST SO ILL HAVE TO PASTE THE INFO FROM WIKI, THANKS)

When Qiqi hits a target with her Normal or Charged Attacks, she regenerates HP for all party members and all nearby allied characters. Healing scales based on Qiqi's ATK. Regenerates HP for current character at regular intervals. Follows the character around, dealing Cryo DMG to enemies in its path.

It's says that the heals she gives is based on her overall ATK. Which means the more ATK she has the better her heals are. That's why, in my personal opinion, it's better to focus on raising her ATK and energy recharge. Ofc, there's nothing wrong in having for example 2 pieces of Maiden Beloved (set's name designed for healers, 2-Piece Bonus: Character Healing Effectiveness +15%) on her. If those pieces main stats will be ATK then this will work amazing, but unfortunately I don't have any artifacts like this.

Next are supports, Bennett and Xingqiu. Since their role is not dealing DMG, but more of a supporting you can give them sets of a 2 pieces. Let's take a look at their elemental burst:

Bennett:

if the health of a character in the circle is equal to or falls below 70%, their health will continuously regenerate. Regeneration scales based on Bennett's Max HP. If the health of a character in the circle is higher than 70%, they gain an ATK Bonus that is based on Bennett's Base ATK. Applies the Pyro element to characters within the Field.

Basically you just ult and switch to your DPS (or whoever you want honestly). If the character you switched to (or Bennett himself, his ult works on him too) HP is below 70%, they will receive heals. If their HP is above 70%, the incoming healing with cease and they will get attack bonus based on Bennet BASE ATK (only when you have him c0, so with no constellations. On c1 (his first constellation is unlocked) there is no HP restriction, so his ult buffs the attack no matter of your character current health). So it’s not the same case as Qiqis. Base attack is the base amount the character have with weapon equipped but without any artifacts on, so the only way to rise base ATK is to maximize character level and to give them weapon with high amount of attack. Then we should focus on giving him as much of an energy recharge as we can so he can load his ult faster. Then it’s up to you whether you wanna make is a healer or side DPS. In healer case you should focus on rising his HP amount by giving him artifacts with that stats and substats cause, on the contrary to Qiqi, the heals he gives are based on his own max HP, not his ATK. In side DPS case you can focus on the overall dmg he makes.

Now let's take a look on my Xiao. His role is a dps, just like Razor. So one would think that it would be the best to max physical DMG on Xiao too, right? Wrong.

Let's take a look on Xiao's elemental skill and Elemental burts:

Skill:

Xiao lunges forward, dealing Anemo DMG to opponents in his path.

Burst:

Greatly increases Xiao's jumping ability. Increases his attack AoE and attack DMG. Converts attack DMG into Anemo DMG, which cannot be overriden by any other elemental infusion. In this state, Xiao will continuously lose HP. The effects of this skill end when Xiao leaves the field.

Both of them covert the DMG into Anemo DMG. Which mean that no matter the physical DMG bonus, if he doesn't have any Anemo DMG he won't be as useful as he could be. That why my Xiao has 2 pieces of Gladiator and 2 pieces of Viridescent Venerer that gives him +15% of Anemo DMG bonus. (y’all have no idea how long it took me to write this thing correctly lmao)

As the last piece i used Wandener's head piece again to give him that additional CRIT rate. (yes, his Anemo DMG can be scaled with CRIT rate, too). Ofc my Xiao still lacks a lot of power we can see on some videos on yt.

Okay Akii, I understand how does the artifacts works and what to which to chose when thinking about the character role, but how do I actually get the artifacts?

That's actually the hardest part. You can get them from domains. Each domain have two sets of artifacts at the same time, which means depending on your luck you'll get the artifacts from the set you want or the artifacts you don't want BUT can use for enhancing later on! Gladiator's and Wandener's don't have its own domain, but can be achieved by fighting bosses like cubes or regisvines and from weekly bosses like Dvalin, Andrius and Childe.

Now that you know everything you need to know about artifacts you can go and start doing the domains...

only to waste all of your resins and get tons of shit artifacts with DEF as a main stats and then start crying after your one good artifact with ATK as a main stat and CRIT as a substat gets shits like HP, DEF and more HP after enhancing. Have fun <3

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 4]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; masturbation, usage of toys, dirty talkin’, a bit of a filler chapter after last weeks hehe🍒 as always, thank you again for your continued support for cherry bomb 🥺💕 I'm actually not sure if next week’s chapter will go up on time due to my work schedule for next week but I'll be sure to keep y’all updated! if anything it’ll probably go up on saturday instead of friday... 😭😭 But anyway, have a good weekend yall! 💕💕💕 stay hydrated!! 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - ?

The weekend ends quicker than Seungcheol even notices and while he wakes up Monday morning already thinking about you and your show later in the evening; his face falters when he reads the message on your cam homepage.

‘Sorry everyone :( I think I caught a cold so I won’t be doing a show tonight… I promise I’ll make it up to you on Friday! In the meantime, I’ve uploaded some new pics in our members only room~ I hope it’ll tide you all over ‘til then! xx Cherry 🍒 ’

His first reaction is to immediately panic; reaching for his phone and texting you to get as much rest and sleep as possible. He makes a mental note to check in with you again later, finding that he’s already running late to get to work when he gets out of bed.

“Hey! Seungcheol-hyung!”

The said male turns around, placing the set of roller skates on the ground. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Jeongguk sits next to him on the wooden bench, legs stretched out as he passes Seungcheol an energy drink. “Nothin’, just wanted to say thanks for coming over on Saturday! We should try to do that again, except maybe we can go out for drinks or something? We can give it the good ‘ol college try, maybe bring home a girl, if you know what I mean~” Jeongguk wiggles his eyebrows at Seungcheol who rolls his eyes.

“Uh, I’m down for the drinking part but I think I’ll have to pass on the hookups.”

“Really? Why? Are you dating someone and you haven’t told me?”

Seungcheol thanks the gods that the roller rink is dimmed; neon lights and disco balls the only things keeping the entire place dimly lit when he blushes a deep crimson, face hot as he avoids the younger male’s gaze. “Nah, it’s just, I--I don’t think that’s really for me. I’m more of a, uh, relationship type of guy, y’know?” Also, I’m devoting my time and energy to someone already who isn’t really my girlfriend.

“Mm, makes sense!”

Jeongguk keeps Seungcheol company even on his break, the two chatting about various topics before he lets Seungcheol know his break is almost over.

“Hey, wait! Before you go…” Seungcheol is nervous for some reason, fingers gripping the suede of the rollerskate’s boot as he avoids eye contact again. “Um, this is gonna sound really weird but… Who’s ‘j__min’? I feel like I’ve seen that username before and it’s, uh, I’m just curious how you know them? Sorry if that’s weird, I just--I’ve been seeing them around pretty often.”

“Oh, that’s Jimin-hyung. He’s a friend of mine that games with me sometimes! I’ve never really met the dude in person before, but he seems nice.” Jeongguk nods, staring off into space. “He seems really busy all the time too. And he’s super active on social media, that’s probably where you’ve seen him.”

Seungcheol nods; the guy didn’t seem like any sort of immediate threat so he logs the information mentally for now. He’d just have to do some internet sleuthing himself when he got home.

“Oh, cool, okay! Thanks ‘Guk!” 

Seungcheol groans after the seventh pair of skates he’s cleaned, standing up to stretch and reach for his phone in his pocket. He checks the notifications, noting that you hadn’t texted back or read his messages yet.

A frown paints his features knowing that you were sick, but he makes another mental note to finally buy you that sybian now that his most recent paycheck had come in with it’s overtime bonuses. There were only a few more days until Namjoon came back which meant his extra pays would be over, a sad sigh escaping his lips at the thought. 

The day gruels on; Mondays were always the slowest days for the roller rink which meant Seungcheol spent most of the time cleaning skates and bumming snacks from the concession stand usually. He tries to not pry deeper into Jeongguk’s friends but the curiosity eats him alive so he makes an effort to stay away from the younger male for the rest of the day, this time.

Instead, he spends the day hiding in the employee break room any time he gets; only leaving when Yoongi decides to hide in there himself.

Your head feels like it’s going to spin off of your shoulders once you sit up in bed. The sun sits low in the horizon from what you can see through your bedroom window; noting that it must’ve been the late afternoon already.

You’d woken up with chills, head fuzzy when you’d sat up earlier in the morning. Knowing that you were at least somewhat sick, you quickly wrote up a little memo on your homepage letting your viewers know that there wouldn’t be a show later in the evening. Afterwards, you had quickly downed medicine before curling up under your sheets and going back to sleep. You’d vaguely been aware of your phone ringing on the nightstand next to your bed, but you prioritized sleeping instead, knowing that you had to get better before the weekend came.

You groan once you ease yourself off of your bed, dragging your feet as you make your way to the bathroom in hopes of a warm bath to make yourself feel better.

It’s almost 5PM which means it’s almost time for Seungcheol to finally go home. He checks his phone one more time before he pockets the device, putting away the last few pairs of rollerskates before he starts making his way towards the backroom. 

“Hey! ‘Cheol-hyung, can you come over here!?” Jeongguk yells over the music, arms waving him down frantically before he clocks out.

Seungcheol walks over, noting an unknown male standing with him. “Yes? Did you need help?”

“This guy, sorry I forgot your name?” The male laughs, eyes forming crescents when he smiles brightly at Jeongguk. “It’s Seokmin.”

“Right, right. Seokmin is asking if we’re hiring?” Jeongguk ends with a head tilt, unsure of the answer himself.

Seungcheol bites the inside of his cheek. Technically yes, they were understaffed even with Namjoon around. But Namjoon was also technically the one in charge of overseeing hiring positions. And while they technically should’ve hired more staff, that also meant Seungcheol’s overtime bonuses would be cut anytime they actually had the appropriate amount of staff.

“Uhhhh… I--I don’t think so? I’m not the one in charge. Our manager that decides staff and hiring positions is out of town indefinitely so…” Seungcheol trails off, hoping Seokmin gets the hint.

“Ahh… Should I come back another time then?” Seungcheol nods, frowning slightly. “Sorry ‘bout that man. But hey, why don’t you leave your contact info so we can call you? So you don’t have to keep coming back.”

Seokmin nods, beaming at the older male.

“Sure, that’d be great! Thanks!”

Seungcheol only feels slightly bad when he gets home that night, praying karma doesn’t kick his ass later for lying.

On days when you cancel your show are the days Seungcheol realizes he needs more hobbies than watching your cam shows and gaming all night.

Not that it’s a bad thing, he thinks, just that he could supplement his life with more.

He places an order for a few cookbooks alongside the order for the sybian, soft chuckles spilling from his lips when he realizes what an odd array of things he’s ordered.

Seungcheol manages to fill his night with meaningless tasks; finally cleaning his PC and settling in to watch a movie while he polishes off an entire pizza. He checks his phone a few more times, noting no new messages and he wonders if you’re really okay. A lightbulb goes off in his head, power walking back to his PC as he opens a new browser.

He bites his lip, typing in ‘j__min’ in the search bar to see what comes up. By nature, the username is unfortunately a lot more common than he anticipates and he ends up rifling through a lot of dead ends before he comes upon the profile on the same camming website you used and an instagram that seemed to be updated fairly regularly.

“Let’s see…”

Your body feels hot all over. Pin pricks on your fingertips as a bead of sweat trickles down your temple.

Now, you didn’t feel sick, you just felt incredibly insatiable. Again.

You weren’t sure if it was because your body had adjusted to a certain schedule, but you can’t help the way you toss and turn in bed; thighs rubbing together in hopes of alleviating the growing wetness between them.

Checking the clock, you note it’s already 10PM, close to when you’d normally be doing your show. You sigh, pushing your sweaty hair out of your face as you reach for your phone on the nightstand. You immediately notice a few text messages from Seungcheol; frowning when you notice the text messages were from the morning.

cheollie ✨: hey, baby :( saw your note, i hope you’re okay.

cheollie ✨: make sure to drink a lot of water and take medicine!

cheollie ✨: don’t push yourself too hard either okay?

The messages end there and you pout, unsure what to even say now that it had been hours since he’d texted.

babygirl 🍒 : cheollie… i only saw ur msgs now 🥺

babygirl 🍒 : im sorryyyyy i was sleeping so long but i feel better now!!

Seungcheol closes all his browser tabs before he realizes it, a smile on his face when he sees you’ve responded.

‘That’s okay, I’m just glad you’re okay and feeling better. Promise me you drank tons of water?’

He feels giddy, palms sweaty as he grips his phone.

babygirl: mmhmm! i did… i don’t even feel sick anymore 🥺 but…

babygirl: dunno… i’m feeling needy again… i think my body is used to my usual schedule...

Seungcheol’s body thrums with newfound energy and arousal at your leading comments. He’s unsure of what to say next, fearing he was going to say too much. But his phone pings again, eyes quickly flitting over your messages.

babygirl 🍒 : if ur busy its okay but

babygirl 🍒 : do u think we could cam? just u and me?

babygirl 🍒 : only if ur free tho!!

His fingers are tingling when he sends his reply, making it short and sweet before he places his phone down and makes sure his PC is running smoothly.

‘Of course, you know I’m always here when you need me. :)’

It takes a few minutes for you and Seungcheol to set up your respective spaces and in the meantime, you grab your laptop, propping it open on the bed next to you as you lay in front of it. You had debated on using your better camera which you used for camming, but you didn’t want it to be set up like a cam show.

Instead, you wanted a more intimate and casual video call with Seungcheol, so you made sure your webcam worked fine as you placed it on the sheets.

‘Video Call Incoming…’

You can’t help the blush that coats your skin nor the lust that fills your body as soon as you accept his call; his somewhat blurry figure coming into view.

“Hey, sweetheart!” Seungcheol beams at you through the grainy camera and you already feel yourself clenching around emptiness, words caught in your throat at how handsome he was and how truly enticing his voice was. “H-hi!” Rubbing your thighs together, you peer at the camera shyly. “I--wow, the pictures really… You’re so much more handsome on v-video.” You giggle slightly, leaning in closer to your laptop to get a better view of the silvery-blue haired male.

Seungcheol’s deep laugh filters through the speakers and your toes curl against the sheets.

“You should see me in person, maybe I’ll look even better then.”

You don’t deny that one bit; your own hands already itching to touch yourself. “Oh? Is that an invitation~?”

Seungcheol’s eyes pierce the camera, licking his own lips as you watch him  snake a hand down into his sweats.

“If you want it to be, sweetheart. But tell me about you, how are you feeling? Have you eaten already?”

Gulping, you watch as his hand seems to work slowly and out of view. “I--um, I feel b-better just… Dunno, guess my body’s just used to, um, y’know… A-and I haven’t really had much of an appetite...” You trail off, head still fuzzy from the cold medicines and now, Seungcheol.

In a roundabout way, it almost feels like you’re watching him do a show for you as you watch him slowly get off.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, baby. But you know you should try to eat, okay? I don’t want you to get even sicker.” You nod, fingertips already at the edge of your sleep shorts. 

“I--c-can I touch myself too?” Seungcheol laughs lightly, nodding as he tilts his head back. “Of course, you don’t need to ask me for permission, baby.”

You grin at him, sitting up as you reposition the laptop. Your hand slides underneath a pillow, grabbing the small bullet vibrator you kept there. “Do you always keep a toy handy?” His voice is airy, teasing in the way he asks.

“Mmhmm~ You never know when you’ll need it~” You sing-song, shimmying your sleep shorts and panties off before you spread your legs in front of the camera.

The air gets knocked out of Seungcheol the second you spread your legs for him and him alone and he can’t help but imagine all the things he wanted to do with you. He watches as you tease yourself, fingertips only grazing across the areas he knew you wanted to be touched the most. 

“I can’t wait for us to finally fuckin’ meet.” He grits out.

A moan floats through the speakers of Seungcheol’s gaming PC, your saccharine voice music to his ears. “M-me too, wanna know what you’d do to me~” You giggle afterwards, pressing the vibrator to your clit as you spread your legs wider for him to see. Seungcheol’s hand around his cock tightens as he watches, an appreciative smirk on his face.

“Oh sweetheart, what wouldn’t I do to you.” You can’t help but slide your fingers through your wet folds listening to Seungcheol’s voice, whimpering when you finally slide a finger in. “Yeah? What would be the first thing? Tell me, ‘Cheollie~”

Even through the webcam quality, you can see the way Seungcheol’s eyes glaze over in complete pleasure. He licks his lips once, leaning in close so that you can hear him clearly.

“I know you probably think I’d get straight to the filthy shit, huh? Pin you to your bed and fuck you until you forget your own name or tie you up to the bedposts and make you beg for me to fuck you. But I wouldn’t. Because I wanna worship your fuckin’ body. I’d take it nice and slow with you, give you as many orgasms as you want.”

“F-fuck, Seungcheol, I–”

“You could use me for your pleasure, y’know? You deserve it. You’re such a good girl. I’d give you anything you fuckin’ want if you’d let me.”

Your choked moans have Seungcheol working his cock faster; nothing on his mind except for you and his impending orgasm. “Oh g-god, Seungcheol, I--fuck, yes, I want that~ I want you to--to make me cum as many times as I w-want!” You mewl, easily working in another finger as you pump the digits inside your pussy.

He smirks when he sees your grip on the vibrator loosening, knowing that you were already too lost in the pleasure to keep the toy on. “And I’d let you. Maybe I’d make you cum on my tongue first. Or would you want my fingers?”

“B-both! Puh--please…” You whine, legs threatening to clamp shut. You curl and scissor your fingers, thrusting them knuckle deep inside yourself as you chase the pleasure that overtakes your senses. “Please, ‘Cheol, tell me more~”

You watch through the camera as Seungcheol pushes his sweats down enough to get his cock into view; mouth watering as you watch it curve up to his lower abdomen.

“I know how much you love being doted on and being taken care of… So after I make you cum all fuckin’ night, you know I’d take care of you. Make sure you’re comfortable and cuddle with you when you’re tired.” His hips cant up into his closed palm, a soft groan on his lips. “And then when we wake up, I’ll eat you out. Nice and slow so you know it’d be worth it.” 

Seungcheol smirks, smearing the precum all over his shaft. “But I also know you like it rough and you like being punished like a bad girl. You like the idea of being tied up and teased and being fucked nice and hard too. I could take it nice and slow, build up the pleasure for you. Or I can take it nice and slow and tease you, I’d make you sit on my cock ‘n make you wait for it ‘til you’re begging me. Or maybe you would want an audience? Let them see you fall apart on my cock when you’re desperate to cum.” 

You press the vibrator against your clit again, Seungcheol’s name falling out of your mouth in a blubbering mess. “Oh--I--!!”

Your legs clamp shut, fingers halting their movements as you cum hard around your fingers. Seungcheol watches as your legs shake, his own hand running up and down his cock in quick motions as he chases his high too. You vaguely hear him groaning your name; the ringing in your ears overbearing as your orgasm continues to wash over you.

The sound of your quick and shallow breaths mix with Seungcheol’s over the speakers as the two of you catch your breath. You slip your fingers from inside of you, wincing when you turn off the toy and toss it to the side.

“Fuck, baby, I--”

“Y-yeah…” You quietly lick your fingers clean, knowing that Seungcheol’s watching. “I… that was the first time I… did that with s-someone…” You giggle tiredly, wiping the rest of your sticky fingers on your shirt.

“Really? Never?” Seungcheol’s surprised expression makes you giggle; his eyes round and mouth wide open as he leans closer to his webcam.

“Mmhmm! Just, y’know, it’s--it’s hard to get close to people sometimes…”

You had mentioned it off-handedly once while the two of you had been texting, that most of the dates you’d been on hated the fact that you cammed. There was always a possessive aura that was present and while Seungcheol would sometimes get a little jealous himself, he also knew it was your livelihood and how you supported yourself.

“Ah, yeah, I can understand.”

The two of you sit in a content silence, Seungcheol reaching for a few tissues to clean off the drying cum on his abdomen.

“Hey, ‘Cheol?”

“Yeah?” He peers up at the camera through his lashes, blinking rapidly as he watches you lay back down in front of your laptop.

“About what you said… earlier…” You pause, shyness overtaking once again. “I--Would you want to meet up? Like, for real? I mean--not--not like tomorrow or something but... Y’know, we can start planning?” 

Any words that come after that turn into radio static in Seungcheol’s head and he can feel his pupils shaking, nervousness already bubbling up inside of him at the prospect of actually finally maybe getting to meet you. 

“Seungcheol? ‘Cheollie? You okay?” 

Fuck.

“Huh? Yeah, yeah! I’m cool, I’m good, sorry, that--that caught me off guard.”

He watches as you talk animatedly, mind already going a mile a minute as he thinks over everything that needed to be done before then. 

“I’m really excited to meet you, ‘Cheollie!” 

[loemius]

How do I pick which of the Theoi to worship? There’s so many

khaire anon! thank you for the ask! this is a very good question, and it's not an academic one that i can provide you sources for, so the answer that lies ahead is purely my own opinion. take it for what it's worth.

there are a lot of theoi, so dont feel bad about being overwhelmed. it's a eusbesia thing for me -- i cannot have relationships with all of the glorious theoi or i'd never have time for my mortal life, so i have to pick the ones that work best for me and my needs, and i just honor the rest, because i believe that the theoi deserve good things and it's unfair of me to try to have 12 different deep close relationships. people don't work that way, yknow? you've got your all time besties who you share everything with then just acquaintances. its not that you like the acquaintances any less, it's just that you either clicked better with others or didn't have time to have 12 different intimate close relationships with everyone. that's normal and id argue healthy.

historically speaking, people would usually focus on 1-3 main gods as sort of "daily, every day worship" and then just honor the rest of the theoi. for me there is a difference between worship and honoring. i worship apollo, for example, and for me, that means that he gets so much from me. daily water offerings, incense, i invite him along to enjoy the steam of every meal i eat. i have 2-3 theoi that i heavily worship and interact with regularly. i honor the rest of the theoi; i say hi or pray when relevant, especially on their festivals. on a particular important festival i might offer to them. an example of this is that i don't really worship zeus, but i honor him, so when it rains i'll say thank you, but i don't really offer him a ton because my main praxis focuses on apollo primarily. it's not that i don't like and respect him! i just have a much more personal connection to apollo.

as for choosing a theoi, honestly, i'd just say pick who calls to you but do not be afraid to change paths. the gods will not be mad at you; religion is a journey and everyones path to the gods is gonna be different. just be respectful and honest. it is okay to change. i started worshipping lord haides when i first began, and we worked together for a little while, and then we eventually went our separate ways. that's okay! i learned from him, and i appreciate those lessons and i use them now. you'll find your spiritual home and the gods you feel most comfortable with, it just takes time and exploration. you could also see if anyone wants to be worshipped by you via divination of any form. i'm a tarot or bibilomancy reader personally, so that's what i'd do, but honestly any method of divination works. if you do divination, i would also suggest finding an experienced practitioner (or even a few!) to compare and contrast answers and interpretations, because divination is very subjective.

tldr: it's impossible to worship all of the theoi simply because we're mortal with lives and only have so much time in the day. you have to start somewhere, so pick who resonates and what's in your heart and don't be afraid to change paths. the only way you're locked in is if you take an oath, yknow?

i wish you the best of luck upon your journey. my ask box is open if you have other questions. may the glorious theoi be with you and guide you to happiness and peace!

[korissideblog]

Ok! ONE more actor AU post, then I’ll start switching Aito’s quirk <3

(if you have any recommendations for that btw, send an ask lol)

[work in progress!!]

[We need to get this out for next week’s issue. Ichiro’s working on the visuals, you guys make the transcript look nice.]

[yes sir.]

[Aye boss!]

[You got it]

Hello! I’m Kiyoshi Ono, joined here today by none other than Shishio Ramos! Actor in the new series Kimi no Hīrō Akademia!

Hi! [awe! This kid is so sweet] [He’s barely said anything yet] [hush!]

Hi there Ramos! Could you tell us what this new series is going to be about, and who you’re playing?

Oh yeah! Totally! Well- pretty much it’s a highschool for super powered kids, where[nice][Nice!][?][look at the word count!][juveniles]they each can show off their special abilities and train to become pro heroes! Pro being taken literally there- they’re training to become professional heroes! It’s a really fun thing. Ah- and my character is Aito Takao! Takao’s a silly sort of character- kinda like a villain but she’s on the hero’s side in the end. She’s comic relief for when things get too heavy- mostly because she doesn’t care about what’s making everyone else all bummed out [laughter] yeah- she’s a really narcissistic character- but she’s funny so it’s ok.

Yes, my daughter read the manga that inspired Kimi no Hīrō Akademia, and she says that you guys are making a lot of changes- specifically to Takao?

Oh- yeah [laughter] we’re making a couple changes. Takao’s gonna have the same personality and stuff- don’t worry fans- but… you know, we’ll be adjusting a couple things to make Takao an easier role for me to play. He’ll be going by she/him pronouns for one-

She/Him pronouns?

-yeah! Takao’s gonna be genderfluid! For those who don’t know, there’s a ton of different ways to be genderfluid, but the way that I’m gonna portray Takao as- you know, the way I am- pretty much he’s gonna be kinda a little mix of boy and girl? Ah- it’s kinda hard to explain without getting into a lot of different topics, but- pretty much what the audience has to know is that you could refer to Takao with both he/him and she/her pronouns, and his uniform is gonna be both slacks and a skirt! [Ahhh! I just adore Ramos <333] [he’s just explaining gender presentation?][I KNOW!!!]

Alright, good to know! Anything else you think the fans would like to know about changes?

Yes actually! So- in the manga, both Takao’s parents are like, super dead [laughter] but! The writers thought it would be more fun to [nice] [juvenile][JUVENILE!!!] keep Takao’s mother alive, and be kinda ambiguous with his dad. I won’t go too much into it- but I think new and returning fans of the series are really gonna like it!

Perfect! Now, let’s talk more about you

Oh boy-

[laughter] Don’t worry Ramos- I just wanna learn a bit more about behind the scenes stuff. You’re just coming off Good Morning Nakamuras!, how would you describe the transition between Hanta Kobayashi and Aito Takao?

oh lord- [laughter] yeah yeah- there’s a lot of difference between the two. You can see it really prominently in the writing. Good Morning Nakamuras! was a family sitcom, so it was a lot of ‘someone says something’ ‘someone else says something’ ‘Hanta says something either funny or dumb’ and then a laugh track. Sometimes someone else would come after Hanta to carry the joke, but usually it was just that. [awe… I’m gonna miss Good Morning Nakamuras!] [same here, it was my mom’s favorite!] But with Takao, it’s a much faster pace. It’s just ‘someone says something’ and then immediately ‘Takao says something funny or dumb’ and then immediately back to ‘someone else says something’ and then ‘Takao says something funny or dumb.’ I-I don’t know if I’m explaining it well- it’s just that Takao talks all the time and always has something new or witty to say. He’s just a chatter box without a filter and- that’s kinda fun to do- I always get the final word and it’s always gonna get a laugh, you know? [have you guys seen the trailer yet?] [no, but my niece has! She’s really excited to see the premiere!!] [i have. it looks weird, but my brother is excited for it. his favorite is the blonde one i think]

There’s also the problem with the stunts, you know? Like- the worst of it on Nakamuras! was just the parts where I had to jump the fence, and even then it was just every couple of episodes. On KNHA I have to do all these cool fighting moves- and not to mention how deranged Takao is just… naturally [laughter] he’s just a very energetic guy with a fondness for climbing things- and people! Like you have no clue how tall someone is until your boss points at them and is like “hey, go climb them.” And you have to do it! The pro tip I’m gonna give people-climbers: it’s all in the legs [laughter] you just have to get your legs around them and pray that you don’t look as stupid as you feel. God- the worst part is when you’re climbing someone who's the same height as you! Hiroharu’s actor is about my height, and I have to climb him all the damn time. It feels like you’re gonna crush them, you know? Like you just have to be as light as possible and hope and pray that they can support you. And- and I know that he can, you know? Like me and him have the same personal trainer, and Kyo-San doesn’t do “easy” [laughter] I know that he can hold me, there’s just always that fear you know?

Oh definitely- and speaking of Hiroharu’s actor, we know you’re on the lower end of the age spectrum, do you think that affects how you all work together?

Oh no, definitely not! Yeah I’m younger than a lot of my coworkers, but not by much- 19, 20 in June. I mean I’m glad that I’m so young! Like I said- Hiroharu’s actor is about my height, and I’m like 173, and… you know… Hiroharu’s actor is over 21 I think- he sometimes offers to get drinks with us, so he’s definitely 21 and up- and I hear people stop growing after 18…

What? [laughter] What are your tying to say?

Oh my god wait- wait you can’t leave that in! I work with that guy! I can’t call him short in an interview before the show actually starts- ohh no! Oh god!

The average man’s height is 175!

Oh- ah I’m sure- I’m sure that-that’s true- oh my god-

I’m 174!

Oh my god we can’t leave this in! [laughter] oh my god- I’m sorry I just- I come from a tall family so sometimes I forget that- that you know people- oh my god we have to cut this out [laughter] [make sure to remove this bit] [awe! But it’s funny!!] [we’ll literally be sued if we don’t] [you two are no fun :(]

But yeah, age doesn’t really get in the way of things. We’re all good friends on set- especially Hoshizawa’s actor! Him and Shimoda-san are really cool guys, I love hanging out with them!

Shimoda-san? As in Kosuke Shimoda?

Yes! Shimoda-san plays Ikuto Maekawa, and since our characters are such great friends, I’d like to think we are as well! He’s a real fun guy, and I’m excited to work with such a huge talent- everyone- everyone there is so talented and I’m so lucky to be there.

Ah, speaking of talent. While a large portion of the cast is hidden, we have seen some familiar faces in the trailer. We’ve also seen some familiar faces on social media…

Oh my god-

[laughter] you never publicly addressed it, Ramos! Do you want to talk about your fight with Bryce Aoki?

Oh lord… [laughter] everyone’s so dramatic- so it wasn’t a fight- it’s just- ok so we had a little scene together where I would push him out of frame, but he wanted to still be seen and I was fine with that. Choreography is very important to me, so we had a passionate discussion-

Passionate discussion that ended with Aoki getting a black eye?

That- [laughter] that was an accident! I was- so we were practicing by the makeup desks- bad decision I know, but- stop looking at me like that! [laughter] It was just- we’re standing like we would in the scene, and I go to shove him- and- and I’m aiming for his head but- but maybe I accidentally hit his eye - and he absolutely wipes out, like this kid’s on the ground and I’m like “holy sh*t I just punched a kid” you know? [laughter] [she’s like, barely a year older than him…] but! Bryce is a sweetheart, and luckily he’s alright-

He got a black eye! He posted about it!

Oh he! He’s just a bit dramatic! He’s an actor though, it’s our jobs to be a bit looney [laughter]

Alright then, it seems we've run out of time for tonight. Anything you want to say?

Yes! I want to wish everyone a lovely evening! Thank you for the support! -And make sure to watch Kimi No Hīrō Akademia when it comes out this summer!

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 4: Misjudgments and Saviors

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

AO3 Link

Sorry it's later than normal! I procrastinated the fuck out of the last half of this chapter and just got it finished. This chapter was originally going to include way more than just the interrogation, but the word count got away from me. Not a ton of Hotch in this chapter, but fear not, you will be fed next week ;) Also dark!Hotch hits different, you cannot change my mind. I hope you enjoy, thank you to everyone who takes the time to follow me, share my fic, and send me such kind messages. It means the world! <3

Summary:  You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter: 4, Misjudgments and Saviors

Chapter Summary: The team interrogates Ellory Matthews and discovers that just because a killer is easy to catch, doesn't mean he's easy to predict.

Words: 2929

Rating: Explicit, 18+ (REMINDER: I don’t use chapter warnings to avoid spoilers. Assume violence, smut, etc. are possible in all chapters. Check AO3 for more exact tags <3)

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

You threw on your work clothes and clambered into the back of the SUV in the dark, silent hotel parking lot. Morgan and Hotch were sitting up front, Morgan looking as exhausted as you felt and clutching a steaming cup of coffee like it was his lifeline, Hotch looking as startlingly unfazed as ever.

You caught a glance of the car’s clock up front between them and shook your head. Two in the morning - not an optimal time to interrogate anyone, much less try to force a confession out of a man desperate to avoid the consequences of a triple murder. If you were lucky, he’d fold quickly and the bulk of the paperwork could be pushed off until tomorrow when you’d all had more than a few hours of sleep.

After a blessedly brief drive (Hotch had a habit of ignoring speed limits, even in non-emergencies) and arriving at the police precinct, the three of you stood in the windowed room looking into where Matthews was being held. A police officer - you forgot his name, but he was one of the same ones who briefed you when you’d first arrived - gave you the rundown of his arrest.

“He was back on campus,” the cop said. “We stopped checking everyone in who entered through the gates after 10, so he must have waited until after then. Campus police were on a patrol when they heard screaming. He tried to grab a girl walking home from the library and got his ass pepper sprayed.”

You suppressed a snort at that. For someone who’d gone to such over-the-top measures to subvert the authorities after murdering three women at once, he was continuing to prove your initial theory, unprofessional though it was - he was an idiot.

Hotch thanked and dismissed the officer, who left after shooting one more glance of barely-suppressed disgust through the one-way window. Just the three of you now, you stepped forward, looking at your subject.

The first thing you noticed was his youth - he was young, around your age, which shocked you despite already knowing that information. He was big, too; not overly fit, but he certainly looked strong enough to have had the upper hand on nearly any female victim he chose. His face, inflamed and dripping with tears from the effects of the pepper spray, was his defining feature in that it wasn’t particularly defining at all. The structure was mildly unattractive - too-big nose, downturned eyes - and the symmetry just off enough that the absence of a stellar personality to compensate would render him nearly invisible to the opposite sex. That, you supposed, combined with a predisposition towards instability and a repeated lack of success with women, had created the perfect storm of obsessiveness and delusion that produced the three (almost four)-time rapist and murderer that sat on the other side of the glass.

“We need a confession,” Hotch said, breaking you out of your internal analysis, “but we also need to know if he’s done this before. Garcia put together a list of missing women that fit the victimology here as well as in Arizona and Nevada. Considering he dumped bodies there, we can assume he has some degree of comfort with those areas.”

Morgan grabbed the aforementioned list from Hotch and shook his head. “There’s dozens of names on this list.”

Hotch nodded in acknowledgement. “I know. That’s why I’d like to get closure for as many of the families as possible. But first, let’s focus on the three we know about.” He turned to you. “Morgan and I will go in first. We may have some success with intimidation from male authority figures, but I don’t see us piquing enough interest to get a confession. Normally, I’d send Prentiss or JJ in a situation like this, but I have full faith you can handle it.”

He paused, inspecting your face, no doubt gauging your reaction. “How do you feel about interacting with him?”

You felt sick, to tell the truth, knowing you were an exact match for his preferences. More than that, you felt woefully unprepared to conduct your second-ever interrogation under the scrutiny of two of the BAU’s experienced agents, including your boss. Especially your boss, whose gravelly voice and piercing eyes seemed to be occupying much more of your mental real estate than you were comfortable with.

You reassured him that you’d be fine, though, because looking like you were scared of interviewing a serial killer cast doubt on your ability to actually, you know, do your job . And if you watched Morgan and Hotch enter the interrogation room while really hoping that Hotch was underestimating their ability to crack him, well, no one needed to know.

Morgan swung the folding chair around, sitting with his arms propped on the backrest, directly across from Matthews. Matthews’ gaze, however, was glued to Hotch, who was standing with his arms crossed diagonally behind Morgan. You couldn’t see Hotch’s face, as his back was to you, but you knew what it looked like - jaw taut, lips pressed tight, frown even more pronounced than usual. Intimidating to anyone he came across, probably even more so if you were someone he was about to interrogate on suspicion of murder.

They made their introductions and began.

“Listen, Ellory, I’m gonna be straight with you here,” Morgan said, leaning forward. “This is not looking good for you, my man. We got you on attempted kidnapping at the same school three murdered girls attended. We have friends of these victims say they talked about a creepy teaching assistant in their classes. You’ve got piles of criminal psychology textbooks hidden in your house with notes that match what happened to these girls exactly. Put this in front of a jury, you’re getting convicted no question. At this point, it’s a matter of whether or not you wanna work with us and make this a little easier on you. You feel me?”

Matthews mumbled something indistinct, looking at his feet.

“Speak up,” Hotch commanded. You’d seen this before, what Morgan jokingly called the “good cop, bad drill sergeant” routine, but it always amazed you how easily they slipped into the roles.

Matthews looked up then, defiant. “They’re not mine.”

Morgan scoffed. “What aren’t? The books? C’mon man, they were under your mattress. In your house. No one’s buying that.”

“Well, it’s true,” Matthews mumbled, looking back down at his hands. “Don’t know how they got there.”

“And the girl?” Morgan asked, obviously unconvinced. “How you wanna explain you trying to kidnap a girl who fits the exact profile of three other girls who got kidnapped and killed in the same week?”

He whipped his head up at that, furious. “I wasn’t kidnapping her. She needed a ride. It was late.”

Hotch spoke up, his tone cutting. “Then why did she taze you?”

“She didn- look, she was confused, okay? I don’t know.”

“Sounds to me like she was pretty fuckin’ ungrateful,” Morgan offered. You cringed. You knew what he was playing at, but it was hard to hear nonetheless.

He continued, “Pretty girl like her, it wasn’t safe walking around that late, right? And you try to be a gentleman, try to help, and she freaks out and attacks you. That’d piss me off too, man.”

“Yeah. I guess,” Matthew responded, eyes flicking between Morgan and Hotch, seemingly unsure.

“Don’t worry about him,” Morgan said. “He’s just here cuz he has to be. Listen. We’re on the same page here. I’m you, I’m nice to these girls, I offer them rides, I treat ‘em like a gentleman. They turn around and act stuck-up, like they’re too good for me, right? That makes me mad.”

He paused, waiting for Matthews’ reaction. Matthews nodded, hesitant.

“So, what? Maybe I see them after they graduate or leave the college and confront them or something; tell them off for being such assholes to me when I was their TA. Maybe it gets heated, I gotta defend myself, someone gets hurt. Now, that’s not my fault, right?”

Matthews nodded again, more enthusiastic this time.

“Is that what happened to those girls, Ellory?” Hotch asked.

The room fell silent, waiting on his response. You leaned forward, nose almost pressed against the glass, praying it would really be this easy.

Matthews opened and closed his mouth, unsure. Morgan had worked him up, you could tell - his face was red, his hands balled up into fists on the table. He took a deep breath…

…and shook his head.

You cursed, stepping away from the glass. You heard Hotch and Morgan exit the interrogation room and come in behind you. You turned to face them.

“I thought you had him for sure,” you groaned to Morgan.

“Me too,” he replied, “but we got close. She going in next?” he asked Hotch.

Hotch looked at you. “He’s close to cracking. Act like he’d be doing you a huge favor by confessing, like you’d be in his debt. He wants to feel powerful, important. Convince him he can be.”

Catering to a man’s ego was a skill you’d fine-tuned after years of studying under, working with, and existing alongside them. Most men you’d had to flatter didn’t inspire quite so much disgust, however.

Just pretend he’s another idiot at a bar.

You straightened your cardigan and nodded. “I’m ready.”

“Remember,” Hotch said, “we’re right here. If you get too uncomfortable, just leave. This is a lot to ask of you so early in your position; I won’t blame you if it doesn’t go to plan.”

You nodded again and tried your best to smile. “Gotta learn sometime though, right?”

Morgan held out his fist to bump, and you obliged. “That’s my girl,” he said. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

Hotch looked much less enthusiastic, but opened and held the door for you anyways. You took a deep breath and entered, plastering what you hoped was a convincing smile on your face. Matthews looked up, surprised, and returned your smile. He looked so normal in that moment, it was hard for you to reconcile that this was the same man who stalked, raped, and murdered three women and led authorities on a purposeless goose chase to divert suspicion.

Taking a seat directly across the table from him, you introduced yourself. “I’m the new intern at the BAU. I asked my boss if I could come talk to you. I just don’t feel like they really understood you, ya know?” You grinned, hoping the flattery would stick.

It appeared to, as Matthews leaned forward and spoke in a hushed voice, as if he was confiding in you. “I know how guys like that are. They think they’re the shit. Women always fall for that, though.” He looked at you intensely, and you started to realize very quickly why his victims had found him unsettling. “You don’t fall for that, right? That alpha male stuff?”

You forced out a laugh. “No, I prefer more sensitive guys. Ones that you can have a conversation with.”

“Are we having a conversation?”

“Wh-what? I’m sorry?”

“Are we having a conversation?” he repeated, still holding intense eye contact.

“Well, yes, I would say so,” you replied. “On that note, um, I wanted to be honest with you. It would really mean a lot to me if the families of -” you paused, choosing your words carefully, “- the three girls we’ve been talking to you about could get closure.”

“How do you mean?” asked Matthews, leaning back and crossing his arms.

“I just mean, they don’t know what happened to them, you know? And if we could tell them that whatever happened to them, it was a misunderstanding, and the person who did it feels bad, I think that would help a lot.”

Matthews’ beady, swollen eye twitched at that. “Feels bad?”

Oh, fuck.

“Sorry, I don’t know if bad is the right word, just that they didn’t want that to happen. For them to die.”

He paused. Seemed to make a decision.

"Who said I didn't want them to die?"

You had misjudged him - in that moment, you knew that. You had assumed the fatal ends to the encounters with his victims were born out of shame. That he felt remorse. That he didn’t want to mutilate and discard their bodies, and that the purposeful distractions from his true psychological profile had been a desperate attempt of an unintelligent man to throw the police off his trail. He was a creep, he was a stalker, he was obsessive and dangerous, and he was unintelligent. But he was also a sadist.

Realizing how pathetically unprepared you were to deal with this new diagnosis, you pushed back from the table and moved to stand - slowly, like you were trying to avoid startling a wild animal. Trying. But it all happened so fast.

Matthews shot up from his seat the instant you did - uncuffed, because he wasn’t supposed to be a threat, not like this - and grabbed you by the neck, dragging you across the table, scraping your legs against the hard metal edges. You screamed for help (really just screamed Hotch’s name over and over) until he had you too tight and you couldn’t anymore. Your hair was in your face, obscuring your vision, but you heard the door crash open seconds after he moved. He wrenched you closer to him, trapping you in the crook of one elbow, cutting off your breathing. More than cutting off your breathing, he was squeezing, much harder than he needed to simply choke you, and amidst the haze of your hair in your face and the blood rushing in your ears and the muffled sounds of Hotch and Morgan yelling, you had the wild thought that he might actually detach your head from your shoulders.

They can’t shoot, you thought, your last clear notion before your mind started to go fuzzy. He had you too close; the space was too small. A loud crash, presumably the table being launched against a wall, cut through the pounding in your head. You felt a sharp jerk - Matthews trying to move away - a sickening, dull crack, and the vice holding your throat was released. You dropped forward onto your hands and knees, hacking desperately, tears streaming onto the ground.

Morgan grabbed you by the shoulders and sat you up. “You ok? Hey, look at me, you ok? Can you breathe? Breathe for me, ok, come on.”

Coughing out a raspy, “Yes,” you pushed your hair out of your eyes and wiped your sleeve through the snot and mascara streaking your face. You looked to your left, trying to see what happened to Matthews, and nearly stopped breathing again.

He was dead, collapsed into a pile on the floor like sodden laundry. There was no blood, no apparent evidence of what happened, until you looked to his head and saw how grossly contorted his neck was. You looked up at Hotch in shock, who was standing over the body, hair askew, breathing heavily.

He broke his fucking neck.

Morgan could’ve done it, of course, but by the way Hotch looked up and met your eyes, you knew that wasn’t the case.

They gathered you up and wrapped you in a jacket. You saw paramedics almost immediately who cleared you medically (“No permanent tracheal damage, just expect bruising and soreness.”), met with internal investigators who questioned you about the incident, spoke to the rest of the team on a video call, spent 20 minutes on the phone with Garcia trying to reassure her between coughing fits that you were all alright, and finally, you were cleared to leave. The whole time, though, you were paying less and less attention to what was going on around you and more time thinking about the way Hotch looked when you looked him in the face.

You knew he had to have killed before; working this job for as long as he did made that a certainty. What you didn’t expect to see on his face was a complete lack of remorse. Disgust, even. He looked down at Matthews like he was scum, his lip curled and his jaw set. It was only when you made eye contact that you saw the slightest bit of emotion, of panic, before they whisked you away.

Morgan interrupted your cyclical musing. “You need someone to stay with you?”

Right, he was dropping you off at your hotel room.

“No, thank you Morgan,” you whispered, throat feeling more raw by the minute. “I’ll be okay.”

Morgan looked unconvinced but refrained from debating you. “Alright, but you know to call if you need anything, right?”

You nodded and managed a small smile. “Thank you.”

____________

Later that day, you took a commercial flight back, alone. Morgan and Hotch were staying for a few more days to finish closing the case, but they insisted you go home and rest. You were too drained to argue.

When you closed your eyes to sleep that night, in your own apartment, you expected to see Matthews, jeering at you from across the table. You expected to feel his arms wrap around your throat, to smell his stench, to wake up in a cold sweat thinking he was standing over you, ready to attack you again.

None of those things happened. In fact, when you closed your eyes, Matthews wasn’t the man you saw at all.

[chibinekochan]

Angel in Hell - Part 6

Obey me! Angel Reader Au.

Gen. reader insert.

Read the other parts first. part 1 | part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | | Part 5  | 

~2,5k words

Taglist:

@gothjuulpod  ; @purgatoryhall ; @sibit360  ; @a-personnamed-ace

*message me/send an ask if you want to be on here*

 ____________________________

Just a heads up that there is a very heated argument between Satan and Asmo later on.  

Also, a demon is hitting on angel Mc but they leave without doing much. 

Just skip the last part if you are uncomfortable with these.  *Basically everything that happens after you meet Satan.* 

____________________________________________________

  A few days have passed and the weekend is finally approaching. 

This week was very hectic. 

You mull over what to do. 

Maybe you should do some exploring. 

Then your phone rings.

  It's Mammon. 

"Hey, I was just thinking that you probably have nothing going on this weekend so I figured I'd be nice and invite you out. I plan to go with Asmo to a club. I think it will be great fun and we can really let go, you know. What do you think?" Mammon asks you in a roundabout way but you can tell that he wants to spend time with you. 

" A club? I haven't been to a demon club before but as long as we are home before curfew it should be fine." You think that it sounds like fun. 

"Sometimes you need to let go, you know. Rules are great and all but you can't just live like this. Well whatever, it's fine with me. I will make sure to bring you safe and sound back." Mammon seems slightly annoyed but still goes out of his way to do it anyway. 

" I will trust you. When will we meet?" You smile lightly. 

"Wow, talk about a direct hit. I'll pick you up at 7 pm. Is that okay?" Mammon seems a bit taken aback. 

"Sounds great. I look forward to it!" This sounds like fun to you. 

You both hang up. 

Now your plan for tonight is set but now the question is what are you dressing? 

Then you see a message from Asmo. 

Asmo: I heard the great news. I'm excited. Do you know what you are going to wear?

  You: No, I was just thinking about it. 

Asmo: Great, then come over here. I have tons of great outfits and I can do your styling too! 

You: Isn't that a bother to you? 

Asmo: Nonsense, just come here, I look forward to it. ❤️

You: Alright, I'm on my way! ^_^

  With a smile, you grab a few things and make your way to Asmo. 

You knock on his door. 

"Coming! " Asmo opens the door just a few moments later. He wears a bright smile on his face. 

"Come on in. I already have some outfits for you in mind. Let's see what suits you best." Asmo seems very giddy. It's infectious.

  You smile at him and step inside the room. 

Asmo already has a few things shattered over his bed. 

Curious you take a look at the flashy clothing items. 

You don't think that you have ever seen anything like this before. 

They seem to sparkle in every color of the rainbow.

  "Is there anything that caught your eye?" Asmo has stepped behind you, sounding delighted. 

"All of these are very flashy. I don't think they will look good on me." You look a bit unsure about the clothes. 

"Don't sell yourself short. You have a great body and I know these will look great on you. I have tons more so we can try and see what you like most." Asmo compliments you without missing a beat. It's like breathing to him. 

At least you can't really argue against trying on the clothes. 

"Will these fit me?" You definitely do not have the same size as Asmo. 

"Yes, of course. I know your size so no worries there." Asmo seems very confident.

"How do you know my size?" You certainly never told Asmo. 

"I'm very good at guessing." Asmo shrugs. 

You aren't satisfied with this but say nothing else. 

You turn to the outfits that are laid out in front of you. One of them catches your eye, you hold it up. It's very flashy but it also looks very nice. 

You aren't sure if this is your style at all, yet you feel oddly drawn to it. 

"You should try it on. I bet it will look great on you." Asmo encourages you. 

You sigh softly and you take it with you to the bathroom to try it on. 

Asmo doesn't tease you for not dressing it in front of him. You appreciate it. 

It's a bit of a hassle to dress the outfit, yet it slides right on you. Like it was made for you. 

Feeling a bit nervous you step out from the bathroom.

  Asmos eyes sparkle. "Wow, this looks so great. I'm glad you decided to dress it."

He looks very happy now. 

Your cheeks flush lightly. "Thank you Asmo. It fits perfectly but are you sure that it suits me?" 

"I would never lie about style. Trust me, you look gorgeous. Let me style you and hmm maybe some makeup would be good for you too, maybe I could do your nails too. I can already see it in front of my eyes." Asmo seems very excited. 

It's impossible to turn him down. "Okay, but don't go over the top." You feel slightly nervous. 

"Don't worry about it. I will make you shine just enough to blind everyone hehe." Asmo giggles in delight. 

"That would be over the top." You feel a slight sense of dread. 

"Trust me, love you will be stunning once I'm down with you. I will be the only person to outshine you tonight for sure." Asmo pats your shoulder, to assure you that everything is going to be just fine. 

With a slight sense of fear, you surrender to Asmo and let him do as he pleases.

  You silently pray for mercy. 

Asmo is very giddy the entire time, he casually explains to you what he is doing and asks what you want him to do. He only does whatever you agree to. 

You are very grateful for this. 

Then when Asmo is done he has the biggest smile on his face. Like an artist who is proud of his finished masterpiece.

  "Hold on, before I show you your new look we have to do this properly." Asmo grins at you. 

"What do you mean?" Confused, you look towards Asmo. 

Asmo covers your eyes with his hands. "This. I won't do anything, let me just lead you over to the mirror."

You tense up a bit at his sudden touch. Something deep inside you tells you it's alright to trust him. 

So you follow his lead until he stops. 

You can feel his breath on your neck. Your heart quickens.

  Then his hands leave your eyes."Tadaa! What are you saying?" Asmo looks at your reflection. 

You can barely believe that this is you. "Amazing, I feel like a different person." You are stunned. Asmo really knows how to highlight your best features. 

"Haha, amazing isn't it?" Asmo is filled with pride. 

"Yes, thank you so much Asmo." You smile with glee. 

"Seeing you this happy makes this worth it." Asmo looks a bit sad for a moment. He then shakes his head. "Well anyway. Now it's time to glam me up. You will be stunned." Asmo goes back to his old gleeful self.

  You spend time with him dressing and doing his own makeup, hair, and nails. 

Asmo gives you some tips and you talk about the newest devildom gossip. 

Then Asmo is finally done." Am I stunning or what?" 

"Super stunning. You will put everyone else to shame." You always preach humility but you can't deny the facts. 

"Hehehe this means a ton coming from you." Asmo seems to be beaming with confidence. 

"We should get going now. Mammon said he will pick me up from my room." You just remembered that promise. 

"Don't sweat it. I will call him to come here. That way we can spend a little more time together. I gotta take a few pictures of us first." Asmo clearly has his priorities.

  Without hearing your protest, he quickly calls Mammon, who doesn't sound super thrilled but agrees to come anyway. 

After taking a few pictures together with Asmo, you hear a knock on the door.

  "Ahh! He is so fast." Asmo grumbles in slight annoyance.

You give him a light laugh and open the door. "Hey there, Mammon!" You look at his party outfit, it seems like he's also dressed up. "You are looking good."

Mammon seems speechless when he sees you. "Umm oh thank you…" 

"Aren't you going to compliment us? So rude!" Asmo teases Mammon. 

"Sh-shut up. I was going to say it." Mammon silks a little. 

You give him a kind smile. "There is no need to force yourself."

Mammon looks nervously away. "I wasn't...I just needed some time to process this. You look amazing." Mammon blushes. 

"What about me!?" Asmo butts in. 

"You look normal." Mammon doesn't want to play along, it seems. 

Asmo gasps. "Did you hear that? Unbelievable!" He seems very upset. 

"You look stunning Asmo, don't be so rude Mammon!" You shake your head. 

"Hehehe you just know what to say." Asmo is instantly better. You wonder if he just played being offended. 

"You are unbelievably using cheap tricks just to fish for compliments." Mammon sighs. 

"Well, we should get going before it's too crowded. I need some space on the dance floor." Asmo waves Mammon off.

You nod and with that, you all drive to the club.

  It's a very popular place. It's semi-crowded but Asmo has reserved space for just the three of you. 

It's very fun. Chatting, drinking, and dancing with both demons. 

You didn't expect to have this much fun. 

It's very delightful.

  You are just dancing when you suddenly spot another familiar face. 

You make your way over to him. "Satan! Are you here with your friends?" 

"Huh oh, it's you. Don't tell me you are alone here?" Satan seems happy to see you but also a bit troubled. 

"No, I'm here with Asmo and Mammon. Are you on your own?" You smile. 

"That's good to hear. These places aren't for someone like you to be on your own. " Satan sighs, slightly relieved. 

"I can defend myself." You aren't particularly worried. 

Satan looks away slightly troubled. It seems like he is about to say something. "You look great tonight. Asmos work I would bet." Satan swiftly changes the topic. 

"You are right. Hey, how about joining us?" You smile. It seems to be a great idea, the more the merrier. 

"Oh, I don't know…" Satan is about to refuse you. 

"Hey there, pretty think wanna leave this twig and come hang with me instead. I can show you a grand old time." A scummy looking demon just appears out of nowhere and hits on you. 

"No thank you." You try to hide your disgust. 

"Who are you calling a twig? You stupid scum. Scam before I forget my manners!" Somehow the demon made Satan very angry. 

"Come on mate, let me have some fun. They surely won't regret it." The demon has no clue when to stop. 

"They said no, so just buzz off." Satan only seems to get more irritated. 

"You are such a stick in the mud, let me buy that cutie a drink at least. How about it cutie?" The demon seems utterly drunk. 

"No, I'm good." You refuse politely. 

"Come on, be a bit nice to me." The demon steps a bit closer. 

Already blocked by the glaring Satan. 

"I hate to repeat myself. GET LOST OR I WILL FORGET MYSELF!" Satan yells. You can see an aura of anger building around him. 

The demon seems to finally get the message, putting its hands in the air and stepping back.

  "Satan. You are here too?! And there you are I have been looking for you." Asmo waves at both of you. 

Satan glares at Asmo. "Why the hell did you leave them alone?" Satan seems very upset. 

"What do you mean? We were just dancing. I looked away for a second and poof gone." Asmo doesn't seem to take this very seriously. 

"Calm down Satan, I'm fine. I just saw you, that's why I came over to you." You try to explain the situation in a calm manner. 

"It doesn't matter. You could have been harmed. Just look at that creepy demon that just hit on you. You could have gotten hurt." Satan's anger seems to only get worse. 

"It was fine, no harm, no foul." Asmo shakes his head. 

"You are way too careless Asmo. After everything you still pretend that this is some sort of game." Satan yells at Asmo, changing into his demon form. 

"I'm not playing a game. It was only for a moment that I lost them out of my sight." Asmo starts to glare at Satan.

"ONLY A MOMENT? YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT ONE FREAKING MOMENT CAN DO!" Satan grabs Asmo, he seems so angry, so desperate. 

"Calm down nobody was hurt." Desperately you try to calm Satan down. He doesn't listen. 

"Nothing happened so just get yourself back together. I wasn't the one that let someone be killed!" Asmo states coldly.

  It makes you almost shiver. 

This statement seems to cause Satan to lose his last bit of restraint. He violently grabs on to Asmo, who also turns into his demon form. 

" You stupid f*cking Bastard," Satan says lowly, but it's even scarier than before. 

"You know it's true so just punch me if you want to." Asmo taunts Satan. 

"Please you two calm down." You still desperately try to talk sense into them. 

It's useless. "What the hell?" You hear a confused Mammon next to you. 

"They started arguing after Asmo lost sight of me when I saw Satan was here and then some demon hit on me." You explain the situation as quickly as you can. 

Mammon seems confused, but the issue in front of him has to be resolved. "Hey guys, stop it. Lucifer will be mad if you start a fight." Mammon tries to calm them down.

  "Why don't you say that to Satan? HE started this." Asmo glares at Mammon. 

"Screw you. You keep your stupid butt of this Mammon or I will get you next." Satan has lost all reason in his anger. 

"Keep it down, Satan. Don't forget that I'm stronger than you are." Mammon also seems to be annoyed now. 

"Please guys calm down. Let's go outside and take a deep breath." You desperately try them to calm down. It's frustrating. 

"You keep out of this. All of this is just happening because of you!" Satan now looks at you, anger, frustration, and some unknown emotion mixed into his glare. 

"It's not their fault you stupid idiot!" Mammon now gets more frustrated with himself. 

"Yeah what are you stupid for? Blaming someone else for your mistakes!" Asmo seems to only put oil into the fire.

  Your frustration only grows. You need them all to stop this nonsense. 

"Screw you, it wasn't my fault." Satan shakes Asmo angrily. Asmo claws Satan's arm. 

Both seem to be too angry to reason.

  You take a deep breath. "ALL OF YOU STOP!" Frustrated you yell out.

Suddenly something happens, like a shockwave hitting all of the brothers. 

They get slammed to the ground.

  You stare wide-eyed. What just happened? Something like this could only happen from a pact!?

  You look at them and at yourself in disbelief. 

You can't wrap your head around what just happened. 

The brothers stare at you in equal disbelief.

  "What the hell? The pact was broken?" Mammon seems just as lost as you are. 

You can't even hear him. Your ears ring from the shock.

  Your legs start to move and you just run outside without another word. 

You are so confused, lost.

There is only one person that might be able to give you some comfort, some answer. Just something.

[teawiththegods]

(Part 1, so sorry its long) Hey jess! What do I do if I've been praying to the Theoi, for months now, and never gotten any response? Every time I pray and get no discernible answer, I feel more unwanted and crushed and doubtful of my beliefs. I've happily learned to do khernips and done my best to be respectful, and do a TON of divination.

(Part 2) I told them in a ritual that I'm sorry if I ever offended them, if I was too rash and annoying. I tell them that their silence hurts me and literally causes me anguish and affects my daily life. I think I would accept it if they didn't want to work with me right now or at all, if they directed me elsewhere. And I would happily, excitedly begin to worship any god that decides to give a single hint they want me. But all I get is silence, even from Hermes, the messenger of the gods (Part 3) I've heard and I know that the Theoi always appreciate worship. I know I need to build up a relationship rather than be best buds with a deity from the start. I know in most cases, there's no big relevation moment, and not everyone is called by the gods. Maybe I just can't see the signs around me, although quite literally nothing is occuring. I've also heard people say that if the gods want to get a sign across, they'll make sure of it.  (Part 4) Maybe I've been too self-centered, whiny. Maybe they don't want to work with me. But I've heard the gods are understanding and have empathy for us. I want to worship the gods, I want their guidance and a beautiful sacred relationship with them, but I never seem to get anything from their end. At this point /I don't care/ whether the signs they give me are good or bad. I just want communication on both ends. I'm trying my hardest. I hope you can help, thanks for reading if you did ♥️     

Hello, love!!  

First, you’re putting way too much focus on the communication part. Have you ever heard the expression “a watched pot never boils”? Basically the idea that if you keep staring at something waiting for a specific action to occur it feels like it’s never going to actually happen. The same idea applies here. Putting all your attention, wishes, expectations, and desires on this one thing is basically setting you up to feel defeated and unheard. Especially because communication is tricky business. It’s not a science like boiling water. You aren’t guarantee to get desired results just because you followed the steps. And it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong or that the gods don’t like you. It just means there’s more learning and growing to do. This is why you can’t put everything on communication. There’s a ton of other things within this religion to explore and enjoy that doesn’t require communicating with the gods. You need to find those because the gods go silent even when you learn to communicate with them. You have to have more to your worship. 

I can tell you that the reason I’ve been so successful with communicating is because i never gave a shit about it. I really didn’t. I fell in love with the act of worshiping, honoring them with devotional acts, and most importantly LEARNING about them! I focused so much on other aspects of worship that before I knew it the water began to boil. 

Second, your expectations of what signs and responses from them will look like is probably preventing you from seeing them. People tend to think that signs from the gods will be a slap in the face where you can’t miss it at all. However my experiences with the gods actually proves otherwise. There’s a lot of signs/responses I’ve recieved from the gods that went right over my head until later on when I realized “oh shit no that totally was the gods helping me out!”. We tend to not see the mundane as anything special but the truth is that the gods can absolutely be found in the mundane you just have to be opened to it. So i advise maybe being mindful of your expectations and seeing if you have room to shift them. 

Also to add to this, I think you have too much expectations in general. You seem to have a specific vision on what your relationship with the gods is supposed to be like and should be like and are expecting the gods to fufill it down to the exact detail. You’re not really giving them any room to exist outside of your own expectations. It’s not fair to them and it’s really not fair to you either. 

Third, you need to stop waiting for permission/validation/a sign to worship the gods and just pick one that you want to worship and worship them. You seem to be really hung up on receiving an invitation or confirmation when that isn’t something that always happens. For a lot of people they pick a deity and begin a relationship with them without any type of sign or approval from said deity. The communication comes after you begin deepening that relationship. It doesn’t automatically happen. I mean for some it does, but for others it takes time. It’s a skill that needs developing and practice. It’s not something you can force. 

I hope that helps! <3