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#that i didnt even realize was left open. i cant say i dont understand why i was so avoidant of asking
teddybeirin · 1 year
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I cannot sleep at all ;w;
#it has not fully settled in but i think it will just take a long long time#i keep expecting something bad even though i am so comfortable here#it isnt even a present time feeling i dont think#i am afraid even though there is now distance.. the little one does not feel the distance maybe#does not realize. it has not fully sank in because not every part is aware of#the present. and then on top of that this is just so much#after everything i am okay only because other people made it so. and somehow it feels as if it could reach back#and touch the past. i am okay because other people made it so. a loop has finally been closed#that i didnt even realize was left open. i cant say i dont understand why i was so avoidant of asking#for help or needing help because 'if i need what i cant have im doomed either way why bother it hurts' was understandable#coming from that kind of nightmareish perfect storm. it feels like a nightmare now#that i have just woken up from. it doesnt feel real even though i am trying to hold onto at least#that i still need to go to therapy even if 'well *I* am not [part] so that never happened to me go away' is taking hold again#with more denial being even easier because now nothing bad is happening currently to me#what a trip. there was always fear and now its absence causes it somehow#there was always fear. and i was so obsessed with death because it was a comfort to at least get to know what i felt so close to me always#and now its breath is off my neck and only because people have been kind. it was not for any of my struggling on my own#all of that aside from what kept me alive was really fruitless. i have always needed others. it feels really strange#to say that now looking back at how i managed despite having no-one but it was not like the need was not there#it was even worse for being so totally unfulfilled. this is all so strange#some part of me feels afraid that the only way something this good could happen is if we are about to die#but i think that is a little silly. and it is so lovely to be able to say to the younger selves that it has gotten better#and they can be here with me where it is better. and nobody will hurt us anymore and it is safe and they are loved and every single wish#has been granted. it sounds so corny to say it that way but it really feels like it is so miraculous as to be impossible - if not for#experiencing it id have never believed this possible. that we can be safe at least from those harms#that time was all nothing.. it was nothing. 22 years full of barely anything worth living up til a few months that changed every single#thing. every single thing. how did i even live? it feels like breathing air for the first time#i have gone my whole life without feeling this and now i think i dont know how i ever made it through#but oh my god i am so glad i did#i am so glad i did.
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baby-yaga · 2 months
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yesterday, post burial, on our way back to the church to grab a plant, my mom told me, "love him for who he was, dont hate him for who he wasnt. thats the best way to go through life without baggage." and i get where she was coming from, but i dont think thats right.
sometimes people say that the opposite of love isnt hate, its indifference. i did love my dad. i also hated him. they never cancelled each other out. i can love him for his warmth, his humor, his intelligence, his gregariousness, and still hate him for his absence, the abuse, the neglect, how he gave so much of himself to everyone else but his 3 children.
im haunted by my mom telling me that my dad once told her, "if i knew then what i know now, we never wouldve gotten divorced." i cant even picture what that wouldve been like. there was a brief period after my dad left his late wife, where he was living with us again. my parents werent together, it was basically a roommates situation, and in all honesty it was the best part of my teen years.
we had all been through a lot. his late wife was abusive to pretty much everyone in her life, except when she was passed out on oxy. i was deeply resentful of my dad remaining married to her despite how horribly she treated my brother and i, and also him. when she passed away, we were all having dinner with my sister, and when my dad told trey and i what happened, i think it was really shocking to him that we looked at each other, and replied, "good."
but when he lived with us again, it was weird, but it wasnt bad. i liked having him around all the time. i liked getting to spend time with him for real. he picked me up from school, we ate dinner together, watched movies, i started going to the gym with him. we were living together when i went on my first date ever. we were living together when i came out to him. we were living together when i tried to kill myself.
but it didnt last forever. he moved in with a new girlfriend eventually. he kept it a secret, so when he moved in without telling me before hand, i was so mad. i wouldnt go over to their place, a duplex that was less than 5 minutes from our house. i wouldnt meet his girlfriend. i think i was hurt beyond words that he was breaking up our family again, but i didnt realize that until just now.
he tried to force it one night, wanted to ground me if i didnt come. we got into a tug of war match over my laptop in the entry way. i was so frustrated, hurt, i felt so un-heard, i screamed, "i hate you! i never want to see you again!"
he looked surprised. then, he looked devastated. he put down my laptop gently on the entryway table, and left without a word.
he called that night, and explained himself. he said something like, "a friends son passed away recently. i just dont want to lose our relationship."
i said, "im sorry that happened, dad. but i wish you wouldnt try to make me feel bad just because you feel bad."
he replied, "so im just supposed to feel miserable by myself?"
i dont remember what i said exactly. it was something to the effect of, "fine! keep making everyone around you miserable, until you have no one around but yourself!" i slammed the phone down. this was in like, 2008 or so, so we still had a landline, lol.
we didnt speak for 2 weeks. he picked up my brother to come sleep at his place, didnt speak to me, and then would leave. i didnt know that what i wanted was for him to move back in for good. it wasnt reasonable, really. he wanted to date, i think he felt weird about it while living with my mother, and also he didnt have his own room, he was sleeping in a bunk bed with my brother. so i understand now why him moving out happened. but at the time i was so upset hed kept it a secret from me. i still think that was the wrong move. if hed been open about it, given me some time to adjust without springing it on me, it mightve gone a little smoother.
anyway, the night i spoke to him again. he was coming over to pick up trey again. i started crying and threw myself at him. i said i was sorry over and over. i missed him so much. i loved him so much. i just wanted him to be my dad again.
he just held me, and rocked me back and forth. he kissed the top of my head and said, "its ok, its ok." we stood like that for a long time, until i stopped crying. i met his new girlfriend that night. they showed me the room theyd prepared, a bed and everything, for my brother and i to share. it was the first time id ever had a place to stay at his house. before, i was sleeping on the couch, or, when my step-brother was in basic training, i got to sleep on his futon. it meant so much to me.
i miss him. ive missed him my whole life, it seems. missing him isnt new. but this is different. it feels like theres an empty pit inside of me that i was positive was bottomless, but its somehow gotten deeper.
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magenta-teal · 2 months
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Last Greetings
First i would like to say sorry if i suddenly text you something like this. But i know that i never win againts you if we talked. You always came up with reasons which i couldnt counter, so it might better for me to put it into words.
Maybe you start wondering, why suddenly i came up with that conversation that night, me too, i was surprised myself. Because i knew that i was okay. We were okay. Or maybe it just what i thought.
Little did i know, i've been pretending all this time. It seems like i was alright, when in fact, i wasn't. I didnt realized myself, until i talked with alvin. She saw something was wrong with me, and finally i realized, yes something indeed is wrong with me.
To put it into words, i kept numbing myself. Years over years, i kept believing that i was alright. I kept on denial. And it happened again and again. I couldnt really talk to you how i felt, whether i was sad or happy. The me that you saw all this years, maybe was not the real me.
The real me, i've been hurting a lot by you. Whether the time when you didn't speak the truth to me, or the time when you finally speak the truth but was too late. It could have been better if you speak the truth earlier, so when you finally left me back then in 2020, you didn't give me hope and wonder, whether we can be work out or not.
2 years left me in wonder, until finally you spoke the truth was already more than enough time for me to finally started numbing myself. I couldnt feel pain anymore. Because theres no pain that is more painful than feeling betrayed by someone you love.
If you now wondering why i still want to be with you that time, maybe i was still scared to lose you. Thats why i was okay with that. I tried to understand you, to be real good friend for you, even though i hurted a lot. Because i loved you and i didnt want to lose you.
But dont get me wrong, all the laughs that we shared, all those calls and travels, it never been fake. I was happy. It was one of my happiest moment in life. Maybe this is also the reason why i still want to stick with you. Because i always feel like we are a good team, i can understand you, and you can understand me. Better than anyone else.
So thats why, when someone else appeared in our conversation, i tried to be fine, because im afraid to lose you. Im afraid to lose someone that resonance my energy. Maybe you could see me laughing, like the time when you told me that you cried over your lover. I laughed a lot, not because it was funny. I laughed over my stupidity, to the fact that someone that i loved the most, cried over somebody else.
But again, little did i know, theres so much differences between just listening to your story, and experiencing with my very own eyes. I could tell how happy you were when you talked with him, how excited you were, how your eyes rounding itself. Ahh... I'm hurting again... thats all i know.
Maybe it could have been better if you just keep silent. I told you many times, it's okay if you want to date someone, i know after all you cant live just by yourself. You need someone, i know it better than anyone. But what i asked was, just dont let me know. Not even a bit. But i dont know why you let me know. It seems like you dont care with my feeling at all. Or maybe it just how we expressed love differently. Theres no right or wrong.
Now you can say that you dont date that person. It's also okay, maybe our definition of dating is just different. But for me, you love him for sure. And i think i cannot keep pretending anymore.
I want you to know that i'm hurting, i want you to know that i'm not feeling good.
If you are wondering i suddenly i write this, it's not that i want you to come back to me, it's not that i want you to leave him so you could be mine 100%. No, no at all. I just wanted you to know. All my feelings all over this past years, which maybe you failed to understand. Or maybe i failed to show it to you. I want you to know. Like how you finally open everything to me, i also want to open mine. And this is me, the real me.
I think our definition of love is somehow different. Or too different. The more i think about it, the more i think maybe thats why we never work out.
But again, dont get me wrong. I was happy with you. You are one of the important person i have in my life. You are the one whom matter the most for me. I just dont like the idea theres someone else between us. Thats it.
Now that i see you happy with your life, i also want to be happy for you. So thats why i think my time has finally arrived. Maybe this is the right time for me to go. Cause you finally found someone who understand you. Who always say yes to you. Who never get mad at you. And i'm sincerely happy for that.
Thank you, for the time we spent together. 6 or 7 years is not short. And i'm grateful for that.
Thank you...
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cynettic · 3 years
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Stay with Me pt.3
Summary - You manage to escape from Scaramouche, if only for a moment before you realize there’s no escape. It only takes until you’re sitting back in your regular spot that you know what you need to do.
Pairings - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche
Warnings - Suggestive content, mentions of death, swearing, slight gore / blood 
A/N - Its really hard to make this depressing while I’m vibing to Rasputin. Like no joke- I have it on one of the 1 hour playlists :D
Here you’ll find -  pt.1 and pt.2
He’d left a key.
Scaramouche didnt make mistakes, not while he had you captive in the vicinity of his bedroom. He didnt have room for mistakes, not when you were watching his every movement while he was in your line of sight. 
Sure, he mightve killed a person or two in front of you, but those were necessary mistakes. There was a sign on the door, it specified not to enter. You’d understand that, right?
Thats what he thought at least, lulling himself into belief after belief that you’d be there waiting for him every time. That you’d welcome him with open arms, even if there were chains ensnaring your wrists. That you’d accept your fate at his hands and submit yourself to him.
The Balladeer was a fool.
He’d kept you there for too long, and while you searched for an easy way to escape, time sent your head spinning. Into a spiral that begged only for the wind against your face, back laying on dirt with the familiar chirping up birds waking you up in the morning.
You wanted to go outside.
And when push comes to shove, you had to risk a little more to make it happen. Lure him into bed with kisses while your hands unbuttoned his vest. But what he believed to be alluring contacts was just your way of finding the keys hidden in the back pocket of his shorts.
It wasnt hard to find the one to your cuffs while he was asleep, cuddled in your chest with both arms around your waist as if to get you to stay put. You took the key, hiding them back in his clothing and hoping he didnt notice.
He didnt say anything the next day.
You werent going to wait any longer.
“Oh for fucks sake, why won't the goddamn door open?”
The room was left in tatters behind you, a little gift for Scaramouche once he got back. Turns out a pair of chains can smash up a lot of things, and rage can be used as a great source of strength when contained for such a long time.
But you’d done more than throw the blankets around, cut up the drawers and smash open the windows. Because your fists had bled red when you punched through the glass, puncturing your skin. Your knuckles were an ugly red, bruising already.
Ah, Scaramouche deserved a much better gift.
Gruesome as it was, you rubbed your knuckles against the pale walls. Till the blood stopped coming, till there was a nice little message for the boy which you held so dearly to your heart.
‘Balladeer.’
The first time you’d found out about him being a harbinger he’d told you not to call him by that name. You weren’t someone he associated with by work, you were a treasure to him. That’s why you continued to call him as he pleased, although the temptation always arose.
You were no longer his.
Shoving the door with your hand again, palm fiddling with the handle and groaning when it hardly budged. “Stupid,” you grumbled when the knob began to loosen. Backing up, you charged with your shoulder to the door, full force as the momentum broke the hinges. The door fell down with you along with it.
It was expected, you’d been stuck in the room for a long time, and thats considering you’d sat on the ground for decades. Your body was slight numb, muscles sore and unused for so long. 
“You a-arent supposed to leave your room!”
A young man stood in the hallway along with a woman who looked relatively the same age. The two were wearing uniforms, flinching when you stood up from the debris and off the door. “Excuse me?” You asked, voice unnecessarily icy and stern. But you couldnt care less, you were going to get out of this house, damn anyone who stood in your way.
They both continued to shake when you walked towards them, staggering from side to side. The woman stepped up in front of the man, presenting a brave face. “If you leave the mansion, the harbinger will kill us all!”
“Well then I expect you should be on your way then. Actually…” you gestured to the maze of hallways. “You can lead the way.”
“What…?”
Your hand went limp to your side, an exasperated looking momentarily crossing your face before you sighed. “Im not staying trapped in that room, I’m sorry if that ruins your life, but frankly you're not the one stuck in there are you?” You took an extra step just to intimidate them, eyes wide to make the appearance of crazy. “It would be a great help if you showed me where he hid my vision too.”
“We can show you to the door…” The man began, “But the whereabouts of your vision are unknown, he wouldnt tell us something like that.”
A gift bestowed from the gods, a piece to help me thrive with my ambitions and pursue my goals.
Gone.
You really wished you’d taken to clawing out Scaramouche’s face instead, but you’d take what you got. Right now your main priority was getting out of this place, even if it meant leaving a piece of you behind.
“Door.” Your voice was raspy and there was a terrible feeling that crawled up to your throat, but you didnt have time to be emotional. “Show me where the door is… please.”
The conflict in their eyes dissipates by the time they lead you along, mumbling words between themselves. You didnt bother to try eavesdropping, you were so, so tired. You wanted to go home.
Anywhere. Anywhere but here.
It took a few minutes until you were standing in front of a grand door, almost twice the size of you and just as wide. You then began to notice the decorational plants and furniture that filled the empty space, there wasn't an inch of dust. Even though you could tell none of it was used.
“Hurry,” the man warned when you paused. “I dont know when our master is coming back, but if its soon, we’ll all be screwed.”
You couldnt feel your head as you numbly nodded, hand clenching the knob and flinging the set of doors open. “Thank you,” you merely mumbled, taking your first step out of the house in what felt like forever.
The days after that were a blur, the area around Scaramouche’s house were nothing but void. Empty and filled with forests and vast plains. You knew he didnt like people or socializing in general, but to this extent?
Your only option was to run.
Let your feet take you somewhere, anywhere. It was a constant pattern of running and taking breaks, leaning on a tree and gasping in a few breaths before you were again scurrying through the forest. 
And yet you felt better than you’d felt in past months that you’d been stuck with Scaramouche.
Food became any boar you came across, the claws you’d spent so long hiding with Scaramouche coming to unleash a wrath beyond your comprehension. Till the animal was cut to shreds and no meat was left even to eat. You’d slaughtered it, without intention to eat or benefit for it, you’d killed it just to kill.
“I’m sorry,” you’d sobbed into the ground where you’d buried the harmless animal. Forehead pressed into the dirt as you pleaded for forgiveness to whatever archons would accept it. You couldn't even remember what archons you were supposed to pray to. “Forgive me- forgive me…”
But eventually you found your way around to somewhere you knew. Territory of Inazuma where you could find your way back, back home.
Where was home?
You’d been on the run from the vision hunt decree, abandoning your post for the Kitsune Saiguu for such a thing. Even now that you could return without a vision and as no threat under the decree…
You’d sacrificed everything for your vision.
Where were you to go now…?
Rain patted down, the trees providing only a slight cover as stray drops fell into your matted dirty hair. You didnt mind, it hid the tears that slid down your lifeless face, feet taking you into the far meadows of your hometown. Till you plopped down underneath a tree, knees curled to your chest and arms hugging them close. You were crying.
You were home.
____________________
“Awh,” a ginger haired murmured, elbow resting on the cool wood of the tabletop. “Is little Mouchie sad? I heard your kitty cat escaped~”
A death wish, even fatui that idly minded themselves around the bar knew it. Sipping cold drinks and swirling their cups, the soft chatter was nothing but a distraction from the main course of events. That being the smaller Harbinger who sat sulking in his seat, hunched over with a drink in hand. He’d drank far more than what was on the counter, but everytime he finished a glass, he’d smash it on the ground, watching the fragile glass shatter into pieces.
“I dont have a cat,'' was his only response, tone daring Childe to pursue further. To give him a reason to start throwing the glass in his face instead.
And Childe was an idiot when it came to challenging someone.
“No cat?” The rest of the drink in the taller harbinger’s glass was gone when he threw his head back. “Hmmm, I cant think of what else could’ve had you so enraptured in returning home then~!”
Scaramouche didnt respond, uneven bangs shadowing the bags under his eyes. “Stronger,” he said instead, elbow on the counter and hand outstretched for something. When there was no movement from the man managing the wine, the harbinger looked up. “I need something stronger to drink,” he repeated, voice seething.
“Of c-course!”
The glass was nestled in Scaramouche’s palm in no time, fingers curling around the circular form to down it in seconds. The drink merely slid down his throat in one movement, alcohol burning his senses. It didn’t matter, he was numbed by the growing rage inside of him.
Finally, he turned to the ginger haired boy, eyes hazily dancing along the counter till it reached his fingertips. Up his hand and along his arm, till Scaramouche was staring right into Childe’s eyes. “They escaped,” he admitted softly. “But it’s alright, because I sent something that’ll bring them back.”
Childe paused, raising his drink up away from his lips to pose a question. Hesitation danced along his features before he brought the glass back, he’d rather not provoke the shorter male any further. Wasn’t like he could interfere anyway.
____________________
“That… that…” 
It was preposterous, having returned to that same spot for a day or two and heading back to the hometown you’d once lived in. The one Scaramouche had lived in. There shouldn’t have been an issue, you were solely gathering supplies for the sake of it, ambition driving you to travel far far away.
Out of Inazuma.
It was your new beginning, convincing yourself that you didn't need a vision. Finding some sort of purpose before Scaramouche shattered the vision and your life along with it. You’d seen how people had reacted when it had been ingrained in the statue, neutralized and broken. They lost hope, purpose and aspirations for anything new.
It’s not like the Raiden Shogun took my vision.
But you’d taken that fact for granted, expecting some sort of new start without Scaramouche. A victory, getting away from him just for a split second and getting out of Inazuma altogether, you’d never see him again.
Until you got his message.
“How the hell…” You crushed the note until it was just crumbled paper in your hand, slowly leaning on the stone wall. “Piece of shit… what kind of person even…” 
Not only did he manage to find you, but without making his presence known, he’d tugged at your one weakness with an ease that had you down on your knees.
You threw the paper to the ground, deliberate as you stared past the alleyway. Pensive as you considered your options. Damn, what options did you even have? You’d been an idiot to underestimate Scaramouche, he wasn’t a child, you knew that… but archons he seemed like one when he was with you. Shown you a vulnerability he wanted only you to see. But maybe that had been part of his plan all along, until all you believed was his soft demeanor.
He may act like a child, but he’s a harbinger.
You stared down at the crumbled piece of paper in disgust.
Not only that, but he has no regard for human life.
Either way, you’d lived decades more than him. You could face him, you would present yourself to him just as he expected you to. Even when everything in you rejected the idea, sobbed at the thought of returning to that house, those chains. Being locked up and confined only for the purpose of coddling a small boy, a selfish boy, a cruel boy. 
Deep breath in, deep breath out.
You’d figure out a way, and this time you wouldn’t rule out the option of his death.
———————
Oh darling Y/n, how have you been?
I hope this letter reaches you rather soon, we both have much to discuss, no? About me, about you, and much more. You see, I’ve taken up quite a distaste to your little friends. Stone statues in Inazuma as small as Kitsunes truly hold no purpose, what will they do, come back to life? Haha, I should think not. I’ve already arranged to have them demolished, who knows what kind of material they might possess. Ah, and of course I’d show you the finishing product, unless you’re willing to come and have a chat with me once more? Under the Sakura tree like we used to, you’ve waited years, I believe you can wait for me?
I hope this letter reaches you in best interests. I’m always looking out for you after all.
Sincerely, your Balladeer
——————
It was raining.
Beautiful weather as you lay sitting there, feet crossed and tucked in the same you’d often do. After all, there was no need to fear the vision hunt decree or the Raiden Shogun. Let them come, let them take care of you before Scaramouche did.
You werent cold, not when the cold drops dampened your clothing, slipping down the length of your spine and drenching your face. Despite having lived in a luxury residency for such a long time, this was where you were most comfortable, enduring whatever the weather had for you, taking it with a smile. Because you were waiting…
The Kitsune Saiguu was a distant memory.
You were waiting for Scaramouche, the young boy that often bound into the field in lengthy strides, childlike wonder in his eyes. The one who’d cried when the other kids pushed him away, the one that just wanted to be praised. You’d held him in your arms, and now, even knowing the results, you wouldnt have done differently.
He was just a boy.
Just a boy when he joined the fatui, looking for praise that he was given. He created chaos and bellowed orders with a cruelty that was highly looked upon. Told that he was doing well, so he continued to do so.
He’s just a boy.
You wished you’d held him in your arms, if not only for a tad longer. Shield him away from the wrongness of the world, if only for one last time.
Banishing away your hatred for him was hard.
But you found it under the tree, rain soon dimming down to a clouded cold breeze that swept through the meadow. You’d hated him while stuck in the mansion, but you could now see it from a larger point of view. What he did was wrong of course, but you could remember him so vividly now. His small form giggling, tiny arms around your neck. 
“Play with me!”
Was it your fault?
For not holding him tighter? For trying to rectify his bad doings and teach him what was wrong and right? Maybe if your grip was firmer, if you’d spoken to him about the warmth he’d given you that day when playing cards...
“Lazy ass.”
Burying down that pile of worry and insecurities, you took a deep breath in to relax. The edge of your lip perked up, only slightly. “Still terrible with your social skills arent you?”
Slowly securing a dry space under the three with you, Scaramouche sat down. His features were the same ones you’d grown accustomed to at his mansion. Rich clothes, sharp eyes, and the baby face that refused to go away. His movements were soft as he pulled out a deck of cards. The two of you didnt speak as he distributed them between you both. It was tense… no, it felt too much like the warmth form long ago to be tense. You only wished the situation to be different.
“I love you.”
But you could only offer a bitter smile to his words. “I love my vision,” you replied. “I love the Kitsune Saiguu, and I love my friends.”
His touch was gentle when his fingers came to gently cradle your cheek. Holding your face dearly as he peered into your eyes, his were soft. Different from the cruelty he held within, the hatred that burned and destruction that seeked to explode.
You saw a little boy.
Your hand came to press his hand further against your cheek, till you slid his palm to your lips. He appeared so calm when you pressed the first kiss, lips tracing the lines along his palm with all the care in the world.
But you needed to change your view, see him as the man he now was. As the man he had become.
“I love you,” he repeated, and you let go of his hand. It fell limp by his side, cards all but forgotten. There was a much more pressing matter at hand, because you truly needed to see him as he was.
It was necessary if you planned to kill him.
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threepointseven · 3 years
Text
Home(Dinner Part 2)
Im shortening the exchange students name to S/N AKA student name
Sorry i forgot to answer the person who actually requested this @kurooandkarmaswife thank you sm for requesting! I hope you enjoy 😩
Also lets pretend you cant have more than 1 pact with a human cause yeah. If you havent read Dinner yet go read it since you’ll really only understand this if u read the first part
Fandom: Obey me!
Pairing: not really with anyone but has subtle undertones of solomon & Simeon x reader
Length: sort of long
Genre: Angst with comfort
Gn! Reader and exchange student!
Part three!
Dinner last night, was, well...pretty terrible. I ended up waking up at 2 am to the brothers STILL not home. Apparently even Diavolo had taken a liking to the new exchange student.
A day goes by and finally i get to meet the new exchange student.
Whoah
Is all i can think. I walk into the living room unnoticed as everyone is talking to the new exchange student, i wouldnt blame them.
They look incredible.
I felt a hint of jealousy wash over me. Seeing Mammon, Asmo’s and Beel’s joyful laughs as they talk to them. Their voice was ever so gentle, it’s what i imagine spring to sound like.
I tried forgetting about my distasteful thoughts of jealousy and walked over to them.
“Goodmorning!”
I called out to try and grab their attention
“Oh, MC! I didnt see you there;;”
Asmo said to me as he was taking selfies with the new exchange student
“This is the new exchange student”
Beel smiled
“Hi! My name is MC”
I happily introduced myself
“My name is S/N”
They brought their hand out and i shook it in return. Their eyes were ever so sweet, i felt the sadness come over me as i wore a soft smile.
Something tells me this wont end well.
Weeks go by as i barely get to see the brothers anymore. They’re always around S/N. I find myself longing the brothers touch. The random emergency texts i get from mammon, calls from Asmo asking me if i wanted to go to a club, Belphie always dragging me to his room to take a nap, Beel’s adorable goodnight texts, Lucifer’s complaints about work, Satan’s library dates, And levi’s rants about a certain anime he just watched.. i missed it all.
I guess i missed the warmth and the constant attention i got from them. The attention thats now being directed at S/N.
The new feeling of emptiness leads me to the Purgatory hall, a place i’ve been to quite often after S/N had won over the brothers.
I enter the room praying that i dont see S/N hogging Luke, Solomon, and Simeon’s attention....
What?
Did i just think that?
Am i that jealous?
Have i gotten so used to being in the spotlight that suddenly i become like this when not in the center?
Its an unpleasant feeling and i try to snap myself out of it as i see Simeon, Luke, and Solomon all happily seated on the couch drinking tea and eating pastries Luke made.
“MC! Hey!!”
Luke happily greets me as well as Solomon and Simeon. Im pulled to the couch as im seated next to Luke. I take a bite of the pastry and embrace the comfort of the sugary sweets.
The conversation goes on for a long time as hours go by. Soon enough the entire tray of pastries and tea are long gone.
As the clock hits 8 PM i realize ive been at the Purgatory hall for too long now. Excusing myself i go back to the house of Lamentation to be once again greeted by smiling faces and S/N laying out plates filled with food for the brothers.
The brothers quarrels, Satan’s face of annoyance, Asmo’s whining... The smell of warm food on the dinner table being handed out....
As i hide from the view of the brothers and S/N i look back to when it would to be me that made everyone dinner and calmed them down.
My chair.
My chair had been occupied by S/N,
What?
Did they expect me to sit on the floor for dinner or something?
As i slowly walked to my room i heard the deep voice of Lucifer
“Oh MC,,, sorry S/N is sitting on your spot, we thought you were gonna go to the purgatory hall for dinner tonight. We do apologize”
As i feel my throat closing up i smile and say in a bubbly tone
“Oh it’s fine! I was actually gonna go out with my friends for dinner anyways! I was just getting something from my room, i’ll be out in a sec!”
Lucifer gave me a warm smile and continued conversing with S/N
As i went to my room i started to realize the situation here. I’ve been replaced. I mean who wouldn’t replace me when the actual definition of an angel was right in front of them with their welcoming arms open.
As soon as i got to my room salty tears trailed down my cheeks,
Jealousy?
Sadness?
Anger?
Whatever the emotion was i wasn’t having it. Unlocking my DDD to be greeted by the wallpaper of me and the brothers all dressed up for a ball we went to together once. i tried to hold back my few tears as i called Solomon, a dear friend of mine.
“Hey solomon!!”
“Oh, yes MC? Is there anything you need?”
“I know i just left the purgatory hall but could I possibly stay there for the night?”
“Oh, of course! I dont exactly know why but Luke’s already whining about how you stayed for too little.”
“I’ll be right over”
I hung up the phone, my tears stopping after i heard that comforting voice of his.
That night i stayed at the purgatory hall, happily sleeping next to Luke, lulling him to sleep.
The purgatory hall became my escape. Solomon always made me laugh, Simeon always made sure i felt welcome there and Luke was practically my adopted son after how long i could stay with him.
As i went about the kitchen helping Luke make a pastry i showed him from the human world a strange feeling washed over me. The feeling of something being erased from my my soul, something was fading away. That something felt like it was piercing my soul.
I look around my body to see what it is. As i look around i see it.
My pact marks are starting to fade
I panic as i excuse myself and go back to the house of lamentation.
As i silently enter the room i hear the faint sound of the brothers, they’re discussing something.
“Cmon Satan you’ve gotta be quick! What if they find out?!”
“Removing a pact isnt that easy Mammon.”
As i listen more i realize what it is.
They’re trying to break my pact with me.
And for what exactly?
Because they want one with someone else.
That someone being S/N
It hurt. Who wouldn’t be hurt? tears flowed from my eyes in record time as i tiredly walk outside.
Devildom was a place the brothers always told me to beware of, but right now i couldnt care less.
While i walked around the town with puffy eyes and the stinging feeling of my pact marks being removed, i hear a certain group of people call my name, i look back to see Luke, Solomon and Simeon’s smiles quickly turn into frowns as they see my tears
“What’s wrong MC?!”
Luke worriedly asks
Unable to hold it in i tell Them.
“The brothers are trying to break my pact with them, they want one with S/N apparently. Im afraid i’ve been replaced by that saint..”
Solomon and Simeon’s face turn into faces of empathy while Luke’s turned quite sour
As Simeon came closer to me and pulled me close into a hugged he mumbles out a comforting phrase
“Whatever happens MC, you’ll always be welcome at the purgatory hall.”
The sentence made my stomach overflow with butterflies. I happily hug back, quickly accepting the purgatory hall as my new and improved home.
475 notes · View notes
sailorhyunjinz · 3 years
Note
Do you write yandere? If so, can I request skz yandere headcanons on how they would react when S/O rejects them because she doesn't wanna deal with whole drama that would come with dating an idol?
i mean kinda?? i have a seungmin yandere fic in my drafts sooo BUT YEAH
oh also, requests are not open but im just gonna do this one cause headcanons are kinda fun BUT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED <33
also why is the felix one so short-
Warnings; yandere!skz, rejection, k-dnapping, slight gaslightning or like manipulation, restraints, threats, aggression, mentions of masturbation, stockholm syndrome
Chan
nobody rejects him. nobody.
you two were friends from school and you were sooo happy when chan made it as an idol, finally persuing the dream he had been yapping on about for years. 
but in the midst of that he realized that he had feelings for you, he missed you all the time, just wanting to hang out with you and maybe explore the things he had on his mind. so,, he decided to confess when you guys were at a cafe.
“look y/n,,, there’s something I wanna tell you” he started to which you tilted your head
“nooo,,, are you guys going on a tour again,,, i wil miss you sooo much channie” you said with a pout but the boy shook his head.
“i like you y/n” 
your mouth stood agape, this was not what you expected and truthfully,,, not what you wanted. 
“chan,,, y-you know thats not possible” you said with a frown, looking at him straight ahead.
“of course it is,,, why wouldn’t it be? w-what are you trying to say y/n?!” his voice started growing louder, you looking around in order to see that people werent turning their heads towards your table. 
Minho
you have made a big big mistake my friend- 
wont even hesitate to keep you hostage in his basement LIKE IM NOT JOKING-
might just tie you up and like,,, not even do anything to you, just talk to you and admire you, maybe tracing your facial features and cuddle closer on the cold floor
just wants to keep you as a pet or smth and you are scared out of your mind cause you cant move cause of the restraints, you cant speak because you have silvertape across your lips that he only removes to feed you but if you start screaming you wont get any so you deicde to just stay calm and quiet before someone saves you and play along. 
i mean you do,,, kinda fall for him but you know you cant,, but you cant help but to fall for him and miss him whenever he’s out on schedule things
he always returns to you and you get so happy when you see the little crevice of light from outside when he opened the basement door
whenever he lies next to you, you put your head against his shoulder and take in his scent the best you can
he told you everyday that he would let you go if you agreed to date him but you shook your head,, maybe cause you liked being his prey. 
Changbin
he’s more of the threatening type of yandere,,, like,, not that he’s violent but if you try to block his number he will create new ones and keep on sending you messages about how you have betrayed him and how he wished that you loved him back and all that,,,,
you guys often meet because you go to the same college and are students in the same department sooo,,,, avoiding him is pretty impossible 
he stares a lot at you,,, you guys have a couple of classes together and he just stares the entire time, his eyes are just filled with revenge, he somehow wants you make you his, own you but he doesnt know how yet, for now he can just look.
watch this fucking message conversation just be this;
[why did you talk to him during class?]
[you could have just asked me]
[nobody loves you like i do. no one y/n]
you are never getting rid of him basically,,
he’s gonna get to you first ;))
Hyunjin
i feel like he goes more to the stalking route than the kidnapping and drugging and whatnot- 
ok,,, you rejected him,,, but that doesnt mean you’re getting rid of him.
ohmygod what if he turns into a peeping tom- cause he obviously knows where you live. 
like yall were not even that close?? he just saw you backstage at one of the concerts and thought you looked good so he decided to go up to, you werent an idol so no problem he thought.
but he gets a bit too,, hasty with his decisions and often falls for people randomly and so when he politely greeted you and gave you his number you simply shook your head, explaining that this wouldn’t be possible since you worked in the same industry and you needed to stay clear out of any scandals in order to keep your job. 
no was not answer in Hyunjins mind. 
luckily he managed to catch your full name by flickering through some papers in an office and also saw your full adress there, knowing exactly what he was going to do on his free time. 
Jisung
if im being completely honest,,, i have no idea-
like,,, he gives me kinda pervy yandere vibes,,,
what if youre like his ex before he became an idol and now he wants to get back together with you-
oh,,, he masturbates to your pictures-
i feel like he always thinks about you, wondering what you like and wants to write songs about you but he doesnt do much-
but when he finds out that you have been hired by the same company as him to work as a like,,, economics accountant thingy he is all of a sudden vEEERY interested-
always asking the manager of when the group will have meetings with the accounting team,,, although they had nothing to do with them-
he just wanted to be in a conference room with you (and think pervy things about you in your tight office skirt and white blouse)
you went to the toilet on day and you saw him lurking around the same floor,,, WHICH ONCE AGAIN WAS NOT CONNECTED TO THE GROUP AT ALL- 
and idk,,, probably sneaks in with you and locks the door before you even react that theres someone else in the toilet- 
i feel like he’s pretty mild,,, but when he’s alone with you he is aggressive broooo
probably pins you to the wall and threatens you or smth along those lines,,,,,
(writing this is what my life has become to-)
Felix
“what do you think you’re doing?”
you turn around again, you had just thought of just leaving with a vague answer to his question but he was not having it. 
“answer.” 
his words sounded cold, his dark voice making an entrace, the exact one you’ve heard on many of the songs you listened to.
“felix,,, you have to understand,,, u-um,, if we date theres gonna be some issues” you said but he just stared at you with cocky eyebrows and a dark gaze, running his tongue on the inside of his cheek.
“do you think i care? would i ask you if i cared?” he said to which you shook your head automatically, what more could you do?
“you get until tomorrow to think and if i don’t get the answer i want well,,, we’ll see what i’ll do to you.”
Seungmin
he plots shit behind your back yk?
he’s more of the sneaky type of yanderes (oop spoiler to a fic heh)
like he makes this like fucking year long plan where the objective of the mission is to make you obssessed with him-
he starts kinda subtely,,, first its going to the same gym as you and like,,, knowing where you placed your stuff
and then he starts putting small notes like under your waterbottle when you went to grab something that say like “i think youre cute, call me” and then his number
you obviously dont react,,, because why the fuck would you contact a stranger at the gym 
BUT THEN you realize that its him, its mf kim seungmin. yo,,,, u didnt know he went to this gym,,, that was not,,, the best-
of course you got a bit interested,,, you wanted to know how he was off camera,,, like just in his everyday life and i meeean,,, he was attractive but obviously you should stay away bc,,, he’s a celebrity but seungmin didnt want to stay away
he notes somehow started to get more aggressive,,, suddenly being like “why are you ignoring me?” and such,,,
and one night you were left alone in the gym with him,,, it was sooo quiet, only the sounds of your strained breaths as you lifted a dumbell
here where the plan came to play ;))
Jeongin
he’s obsessed with you and you are not going anywhere, even if you rejected him. 
he’s more clingy?? LIKE HE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU
ok sure,, he falls more into the stalking category too,,, 
also veeeery much a obssessed kinda yandere,,, like his mind is not thinking about how to like capture you,,, more about how to make you soooo comfortable and fool you into loving him despite the circumstances?
i just imagine that you work in a cafe and jeongin often meets you there when he buys coffee and you are already in awe when you see fucking yang jeongin enter the coffee shop on your shift but you were even more excited when he leaves his phone number on a napkin and slides it over the counter before leaving. 
you thought about it,,, contemplating multiple times but,,, you decided it would be best not to since well,,, safety purposes 
but he would visit you and every day his face got more and more perplexed cause he wondered why you didnt call
mf would not leave you alone, he would even wait outside the coffee shop until you finished your shift and walk you home,,, so now he knew where you lived- 
and then do the same thing over and over again until you talked to him.
does. not. give. up. 
366 notes · View notes
meow-sic · 3 years
Text
they accidentally hurt you during an argument 𓍢 ᭡
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includes : sakusa , atsumu , iwaizumi x !gn reader
warnings : arguing , fighting , cussing , shouting , accidentally hurting the reader , glass breaking , fainting , blood , mention of drinking
a/n : i’m so sorry sakusa’s is so long lol. i got pretty lazy after iwaizumi’s, so sorry that one is written poorly:(
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sakusa kiyoomi
he was beyond irritated today. his head was pounding, his body was sore from practice, and he wanted nothing more than to be alone.
but you were the opposite. and he knew once you he stepped through the door.
you were so excited when he got home! you missed him dearly, he’s been gone longer from practices, and other team bonding things. so, you spent all day making dinner, cleaning the house, and planning a nice day for the two of you!
he groaned as you clinged to his arm, “hi yoomi! hope you had a good day.” you kissed his cheek.
“actually, it wasn’t that good,” he replied in a cold tone. you replied with a small ‘oh.’
“well, actually, i made dinner! i think maybe if it’s an us night it can-“
“can you not bother me tonight? i want to be left alone.” he pushed past you into the kitchen. you quickly followed behind him and gave him a glass of water.
“was it atsumu and hinata aga-“ you try to lighten the air as you smile and watch him drink water.
“y/n, can you please shut you mouth? i said it already, i want to be alone.” he went to fill his water up again.
you scoffed, “excuse me? i’ve prepared dinner for you and cleaned the house so that we could spend our time together.”
he glared at you. “i didn’t ask you to. you did that to yourself. i don’t care if you made dinner. i said i wanted to be alone. is your head to dumb to understand that?”
“yoomi, seriously? are you kidding me! you’re being totally selfish! i’m always alone at night, and in the mornings you’re gone too. and on our days off, you go with the team! it’s like i’m living alone!” you cry, surprised you went off like that.
“me? selfish? do you ever shut your fucking mouth?” he set his glass down and it shattered from the impact. you flinched and gasped.
for the first time, you were scared of your boyfriend.
“sakusa please-“
“please what? calm down? you’re the one who started this mess for nothing! you’re all bark, no bite and that’s it.” he slowly walking towards you as you backed up.
he didn’t even notice your tears, or your cries to calm down, or your unsteady breathing. he was focused on yelling at you to get his point across.
“sometimes i wish i never dated you.” he finishes harshly. you fell on your butt. your hands fell behind you, which your palm cut open on the glass that had shattered.
“please stop!” you yelled, though your voice was wobbly. he took a few deep breaths, and realized what had happened.
you looked at your hand, and your breath stopped at the sight of blood. you and sakusa both knew you fainted at the sight of blood. and with that, your eyes rolled to the back of your head.
when you woke up your hand was bandaged. you layed on your bed with an ice pack on your head that was throbbing from sakusa’s yelling. you reached over and drank the water sitting on the nightstand.
the door opened, and when you looked, sakusa was there with soup. you looked away and rolled the other way.
“you’re awake. i made you soup.” he set it on the nightstand and bent down to face you. you turned the other way.
“i’m sorry.” he said. there was and eerie, and awkward silence.
“is that all you’re going to say? after everything you say, that’s your apology?” you replied without looking at him.
“i-“
“sakusa, you really messed up this time.” he winced at his last name. you heard sniffles from behind you, he grabbed the back of your shirt gently.
“please. i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have yelled at you, and everything i said was wrong. i appreciate everything you do for me, how you made dinner for me. and even when i’m cold to you, you never give up and always are cheery. i’m sorry for yelling at you, and hurting you.” he was quiet for a second. “i love you.”
you turned towards him and held your arms open. he quickly hugged you back and started to cry. “please don’t leave me.”
“i’m not going to leave you, silly. but yoomi, you can’t treat me like that.”
“i know, i’m so sorry y/n.”
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miya atsumu
you were in the bathroom, pulling the shoulder part of your shirt down to see the red mark that atsumu accidentally left. you could barely see it.
you heard three knocks, and a slurred “y/n? please leh-let me in.”
you swallowed the lump in your throat and opened the bathroom door. “tsumu.”
his face was flushed red. his eyes also. you felt bad, leaving him at the bar, but you had to.
“you left me,” his words were slurred you could barely tell what he was saying.
you looked at the floor. “‘tsumu, you started a fight over me. i got hurt,” you showed him the mark.
“i’m sorry baby, here, let me hug you,” he walked towards you but you shook your head.
“no, please ‘tsumu. wanna be alone. i dont- i cant be by you right now,” you tried to push past him.
“let me hug you,” his voice scared you. “no. let me through-“ he wouldn’t listen to anything you said- or tried to say.
he wrapped his arms around you, and lifted you up as he squeezed you. the awful smell of cigarettes and beer made your eyes water. “put me down.”
“all i wanted was a fucking hug from my partner,” his grip tightened as your arms began to weakly punch his arms.
“please let me go, i don’t want to hug you like this,” you cried. but the cries, and pleads were ignored.
“i spend all this time away from you, and when i want a hug-“
“miya, let me go please. i cant breathe,” you sobbed. “you’re scaring me.”
his grip loosened. you stumbled backwards before your teary eyes met his, and pushed past him.
“i’m sorry,” he quickly said.
“i know miya, you said that last time you accidentally hurt me from drinking,” you sniffled.
“are we going to be okay?” he mumbled after a silence.
“not if this keeps up,” he looked up at you. you walked towards him and cupped his cheek. “i love you so so much. but this can’t keep happening tsum.”
he began to cry, “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. please don’t leave me.”
you gently hugged him and let him sob into your shoulder, “i know addictions are hard. and i’m here for you. but you- you can’t keep hurting me.”
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iwaizumi hajime
both of you were frustrated at each other. the heat from the summer getting to the both of you, and this was the day you had asked him to help you decorate.
“i just don’t see why we have to do this today,” he mumbled with a nail in his mouth as he hammered in the shelf.
“because, haji, i explained this,” you wiped the sweat from your forehead. “my family is visiting and i want it to be not boring.”
“i don’t think your family would give a shit about these dumb plants,” he mumbled.
you looked up at him. “you know, nobody can understand you when you’re mumbling. say it louder dear! be proud of it,” you were sarcastic, and he wasn’t dealing with you today.
“i don’t think your family would give a shit about your dumb ass plants,” he repeated, his face in yours.
“you’re a dick,” you spat, putting a plant on the shelf.
he continued to mumble about how dumb, and how frustrated he was with decorating. and you wouldn’t have asked for help, honestly, if you knew he would be like this.
“can you stop being so annoying? you’re acting like a child,” you scoffed at him, he looked down at your sitting figure on the floor that was sorting out some things.
“right, i’m the kid when you couldn’t have decorated by yourself,” he replied.
“hajime you’re being a douche! cant you do one thing? all i asked was for you to put up the shelves and hanging plants!” your eyes watered with frustration and sadness.
“you can’t do one thing without me can’t you? i told you not to bother me then you ask for this, and i help and you do nothing. if you’re going to try to make yourself useful then actually do something!” he shouted, knocking a plant over and the pot falling on your hand.
you repeated, “fuck!” as the pain grew. the plant’s pot was now broken and scattered on the floor with the dirt surrounding it.
iwaizumi got off the step stool he was on, and rushed over to you. “i’m sorry, i didn’t- i didn’t mean to knock it over.”
you tugged your hand away from him and went to get stuff to clean your bloody hand. “i know you didn’t mean to. it’s fine.”
he sat you on the toilet and cleaned your wound. “i didnt me-“
“i know you didn’t mean to. it was an accident.”
once he fully wrapped your hand, he kissed your head. “i’ll finish decorating. i shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me, and i should’ve been more careful.”
you knew he meant best, and that he truly would never hurt you on purpose.
788 notes · View notes
urcuteharrington · 3 years
Note
hi, I just saw your post asking for some requests. Maybe if you can do a Steve angst but with a little bit of fluff? 💛💛
forgotten?☁️🕊
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summary-steve seemed to have forgotten you when nancy came into the picture
word count-1.8k
warnings-fighting and cursing
a/n-i really hope you guys enjoyed this because it took me so long to write but i appreciate you all and i’m so glad to be back 🤍
masterlist
huge thanks to @angsty-plots for giving me ideas for new angst plots<3
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steve and i were good friends that was until he started dating nancy wheeler. it use to be steve and i doing everything together hanging out at each others houses, long car rides , going to tommy’s parties , and now he forgot all about me. i knew steve had a crush on ever since the beginning... i saw the way he looked at her when she would walk past him , i saw the sparkle in his eyes when he talked about her or whenever she was around. it use to be steve, tommy, carol, and i hanging out at lunch everyday but i was soon replaced when steve asked nancy to go to his house for a hangout with carol and tommy since his parents were out of town. that night he only invited me out of pity and i saw the subtitle flirting between the two and it made me sick. i walked barb that night to the bathroom after she sliced her thumb trying to open a beer can.” i know steve has gauze and bandages somewhere here ill look just keep your hand under the water” i tell her. that night i saw nancy and steve go into his room and i knew what was going to happen and i couldn’t bare being their for it. I said my goodbye to barb wishing her a safe ride home and went on my way. remembering that night i cried my heart out wondering why steve never expressed interest in me.
That was months ago now it’s around october and it was tommy’s halloween bash. i wasn’t going to go but i decided that it was better than sitting at home doing nothing. i knew i was going to see steve their with nancy but i still went even if it was going to hurt seeing my best friend who forgot i even existed. I go dressed up as (whatever you want) and grab my keys getting ready to head off to the party. pulling up to the house i already see drunk teens walking around with their heels in hand or wobbling around. i walk in and head over to the kitchen and try to grab a drink of spiked punch. while pouring i look over and see them... steve and nancy dancing to the beat of the music. a sudden wave of sadness hit and i decided to take a sip of the punch feeling the alcohol run down my throat.
minutes pass and i decided to stay in the kitchen since i felt like it was my best bet to not run into them while on the dance floor. watching the drunken teens flirting and stumbling their words amused on how quickly the punch could get someone drunk.then i saw her , the girl who stole my best friend from me and the boy i loved. nancy walked into the kitchen and grabbed more cups of the spiked punch , one after another i was able to see her get completely shitfaced in the ,mater of only a few minutes. steve came looking for nancy and they got into a fight and i watched intensely. watching as the punch spilled all over her while sweater my mouth opened a jar shocked at how messy everything was getting. watching her and steve storm over to the bathroom. moments later i move to the living room near the front door and suddenly get shouldered by steve who seemed furious and watching jonathan rush to the bathroom. i decided to stay a little longer since the party was still going strong.
a few days later i noticed that steve and nancy were slowly falling out since he wasn’t visiting her at school anymore and her and jonathan seemed to have gotten closer. they seemed to be done and whatever was said in that bathroom must have been bad. i decided to go to steve’s house and check up on him, even if we weren’t friends anymore i didnt want to see him go through something like a breakup alone. knocking on his front door i waited anxiously wondering if i was making the wrong choice. “ hey how can i- oh hi y/n. i didnt uh expect you to be here?” steve says opening the door confused. “ i know steve but i wanted to talk to you” i say as he walks me to his room to talk.” hey i was actually gonna go out and apologize to nancy so if you can come and help me pick something out for her” my heart sank i haven’t talked to him in months and he already brought her up. not a hey how are you or a i miss you nothing its always about her i think to myself. “ oh i actually came to talk to you about something “ “ shoot” he says.” why did you stop talking to me” silence filled the room 1...2...3 minutes passed waiting for him to say something anything” steve you left me for nancy and i dont get what i did for you to sto talking to me. i understand shes your girlfriend but shit i didnt think you’d completely forget about me” i say standing up from his bed looking at him with sadness in my eyes.” i-i thought you didn’t want to hang out with us anymore y/n i didnt notice at first i i’m so sorry” he says guilt in his voice.” i feel like i lost the only person i truly cared about and and you were my friend and now you don’t even look my way steve how could you not notice me not being their... how did you not notice me not their at your basketball games cheering you on or the long car rides we would have just blasting music or going to tommy’s parties and taking turns getting shit faced. tell me steve is it me was i just not who you wanted to be around anymore was she my replacement because i saw it since the beginning” chocking on my words i hold back my tears. i didnt want to cry but eventually it fell and my vision blurred with tears.” y/n i never ment to make you feel that way and i am so sorry i guess i just got so caught up in nancy and i didnt notice you slowly leave and i i just feel terrible “ steve looked at me finally realizing how much he affected me and how much pain he caused me. “steve if you didnt want to be friends anymore you could have just told me you really hurt me” i say to him not daring to look him in the eyes.”i-i” is all he could say” you know what steve a simple hey i dont think we should be friends anymore its not your fault i just think we should go our own ways would have been nice” i say to him walking past him” you know thanks for being my friend for so many years but i cant be friends with someone who doesn’t give two shits about me anymore” i say as i walk out the door and walk back home since it was only a few houses down.steve not moving just in shock realizing that he was the reason why he lost his best friend.
days past and steve found out that nancy liked jonathan and accepted it telling her its okay and like that they broke up. driving around i felt a wave of sadness hit when the song steve and i would listen to while blasting music. tears spill down my face as i drive home. once i make it home i calm myself down and wash up when i suddenly hear the doorbell go off. walking over i open the door seeing the infamous billy hargrove “ hey their doll face i was wondering if you’ve seen my little sister max i know that you tutor some of her friends so i was wondering if you could help me figure out where the byers house is” he says licking his lips seductively “ yeah i could take you their and help you look for your little sister just let me grab my stuff “ i say looking at him.” after getting to the byers house i stay in the car until i see steve walk out confused at why he is their. everything happened so fast punches were thrown and now i’m driving the kids to this random area in hawkins. steve wakes up and sees me driving confused at how he ended up in this situation. getting to the destination steve and i talk while the kids grab everything. in the car they explained everything that happened in thus far with el , will, the upsidown , and etc. “ we broke up” steve says looking at me “ what why are you okay” even if we weren’t close anymore i didnt want him to feel like he had no one. “ she likes jonathan and the night of the party she called our relationship bullshit and i accepted it since i-“ dustin cuts him off by yelling at him how we didnt have enough time.
getting the kids out of the tunnels one by one steve was just about to help me up when he grabbed onto me tightly in a protective matter when the demo dogs ran toward us. watching as they ran past us he told me” i lost you once and i’m not gonna lose you again”getting out of the tunnels i was able to fully process everything that happened and once el closed the gate and steve and i were finally alone he broke the silence “ i love you y/n i never ment to hurt you and i’m sorry.” speechless i sit their “ steve i know you loved nan-“ he cuts me off “ after our first fight i knew she loved jonathan and i guess i couldn’t believe it till she called our relationship bullshit and i love you so much y/n and it was stupid of me to not tell you earlier” “ i love you too steve but what you did hurt me i mean you completely forgot about me�� “ i know y/n but could you give me a second chance i’ll make it up to you... could i take you on a date and patch everything up” i really didn’t want to forgive him but i couldn’t just abandon him because i needed him i loved him and he loved me “ i would love that steve “ i say looking at him with love in my eyes and a smile plastered on my face.
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xiaaoluvr · 3 years
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unforgettable
warnings : none
sfw, angst?? & fluff (idk)
hospital au ? (something like that)
word count : 1k
zhongli x gn! reader
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your fingers intertwined with his– as you sit and wait beside the hospital bed. a few seconds later, zhongli hesitantly opens his eyes groaning. he looks around the room, then at you, then at your intertwined hands.
"zhongli! youre up!" you cry, scooting closer to him. you kiss his hand, tears filling your eyes. he's unresponsive. he doesnt move much, but you dont expect him too. "are you okay?"
he remains quiet. he looks around the room again, and then you once more. "zhongli? how are you feeling?"
"i-i feel like fine.." he croaks, untangling his hand from yours. you stretches a bit before looking at the time. 10:12pm.
the nurse enters the room with a glass of water and hands it zhongli. he sips it quietly, not saying anymore. which is unusual, because he is rather talkative. especially with you. "babe, are you sure youre okay?" you ask, placing your hand on his shoulder.
he glances at the hand on his shoulder and sets the glass of water on little table beside the bed. "forgive me but, im feeling a little uncomfortable." he tells you brushing your hand of your shoulder. you feel a little offended, slightly embarrassed— but it's understandable. "are you sure youre okay? i know its because you're in the hospital, but cmon dont act like that." you awkward joke.
he just stares at you confused. "now that i think about it... i dont know your name.." he starts. "i dont even think i know who you could be."
you laugh a little. but hes not laughing. "youre joking right?" you laugh again. he stares at you blankly. "whats funny?"
your heart stops and your mind goes blank. you cant think. you dont wanna think. you dont wanna think what's actually happening right now. the nurse had told you earlier it was a possibility for this to happen, but it was unlikely. it was unlikely for the worst to happen. it was unlikely for him to get amnesia.
your senses came back to you when you felt hot tears streaming down your face. your throat felt heavy and your hands were shaking. you look over to zhongli, who is unreadable. "dont cry." he says sternly, trying to comfort you. you smile a bit, but that wont fix the pain youre feeling.
"im actually... youre significant other." you say quietly, standing beside the bed. you show him your left hand with the ring on your finger. he looks down at his hands again and nodds when he sees the ring on his own finger. "explains why that ring is there."
he pats down on the bed for you to take a seat, which you do so. he doesnt know how to exactly comfort you but he placed a hand on yours. "i dont, really remember anything... but i can tell what we had is something special– i assume." he says.
tears continue to stream down your face as he comforts you. he wipes your tears aways and reassures you everything is okay. but you know its not. nothing will be the same.
"so how long have we been married? or together rather?" he asks. you smile. "we've been married for about four years but we've been together.... for as long as i can remember." you chuckle.
you both continue to talk among yourselves, while he continuously asked you questions about your relationship, his life, his like and dislikes, and all sorts of things. he knows he has amnesia now but doesnt really seem to ask about that. you'd rather not tell him how he ended up like this anyways.
"my life was pretty interesting, huh." you nod in response, closing your eyes. it felt so good bring up old memories. you feel zhongli wrap his arms around you, pulling you closer. feeling the warmth of his body against yours felt nice.
"you really seem unforgettable y/n." zhongli tells you before pulling away. "but it will take me awhile to fall inlove with you again, i apologize."
"i understand." you say, forcing a smile. the thought of this being your fault, filled your head. you really believed it was your fault that he ended up with amnesia.
it had all started with an argument. a stupid argument. you were feeling jealous and insecure, which was dumb because zhongli treated you so good. no flaws in your marriage at all, but you couldnt help feeling so furious seeing them together. they'd often spend time together, a little more than zhongli would spend time with you. you told him you thought you were better off alone and to forget all about you— to forget all about this relationship. you'd even took off your ring and threw it at him. he was as hurt and angry as you but stormed out the house, driving off. hours later, you seemed to realize how rude you had been. you were worried when he didnt return home. but that worry you felt only grew when you got a call informing you zhongli had been hospitalized.
you feel so lost. you never meant for this to happen. you only told him to forgot because it was in the heat of the moment. this was your punishment. this is what you get. you dont even feel bad for yourself– you feel bad for him. all you want to do is save him. he doesn't deserve it.
"im sorry... for everything. this is all my fault." you tell him. he looks confused, he obviously doesnt know what youre talking about, but he nods his head. "dont feel like that y/n. its not your fault." he tries to reassure you. but thats wrong.. you look into his golden eyes, tears filling your own. "im gonna protect you this time, so next time... you won't forget us. you wont forget me." you say shakily before he pulls you into a hug again.
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[SUMMARY: Negans wives become jealous after he begins to like the new woman who has joined the sanctuary. Taking advantage of her innocence and English not being her main language, the girls plot against her, making Negan go back on one of his own rules.]
Got Negan speaking some spanish.
Smut
Negan and Valentina. PART ONE
"My oh my..." Negan squinted his eyes at the sight of you across the room from him. Not paying attention to who was watching you, you continued organizing cans of fruit as you were told to do that day.
"Is that the new chick you bought here this morning?" Negan looked over at Simon beside him.
"Yeah, I put her on supply duty. Her english isnt so good but she moves quick."
Negan looked back at you, your caramel complexion and long wavy hair catching his attention.
"And why the hell have I not been introduced to her?" Negan responded with a raised brow.
"You're the one who said not to bother you if I found people I felt could fit in here. Trust my judgement, dont you?" Simon asked Negan noticing he wouldnt take his eyes off you.
"Of course I do. I also trust you to tell me when a fine piece of ass joins us, she might want to join the others," he explained referring to his wives. His response causing Simon to shake his head.
"Ehh...shes a little different from the other ones buddy. That's why I didnt mention her."
"Different? How?" Negan asked with interest as he turned to Simon.
"Shes a quiet one."
"The quietest ones are the freakiest," Negan grinned as he chewed on a toothpick.
"What's her name?"
"Valentina," Simon answered crossing his arms. Negan slid the toothpick around his mouth with his tongue before pulling it out and flicking it to the side.
"I'll be right back," Simon watched as Negan made his way to you knowing exactly what he would try to do.
"Excuse me, Miss Valentina is it?" Negan spoke in a charming voice as you continued organizing the cans straight in a box.
"Shit, I dont think I've been properly introduced to you. I do run this place so I should know everyone here, shouldn't I?" Immeditaly you stopped what you were doing and looked up at him with a look of embarrassment.
"I did not know this was your place. My apologies." Negan frowned at you not expecting your politeness or being so attracted to the sound of your accent.
"No need for an apology, darling. Im Negan and it is my upmost pleasure to meet you." Negan spoke charismatically as he slowly checked out what was before him from head to toe. The look of innocence pulled Negan more towards you. Smiling at him you shyly crossed your arms not knowing what else to say.
"How about I give you a tour of my Sanctuary."
"A tour?" You answered with a puzzled expression.
"What's that?" You asked, not knowing too much English there was many words you did not understand.
"A tour, when someone shows you around. Shit, I'll be your personal host. What do you say, honey?"
"Oh, I guess. Yes." Your response exciting Negan.
Negan showed you the men at work, he showed you where everyone got together to eat and then he left his wives for last. He led you into a room with four women. Slightly confused by how they were dressed and how their faces changed when they saw Negan, you did not say a word.
"Dont be shy, sweetheart." Feeling his hand on your lower back as he gently pushed you close inside you smiled nervously.
"These women here are my dear, dear wives." Negan looked back at you to see your reaction. With a frown you looked at each of them as they stared back at you.
"Wives? All of them? I dont understand."
"Mmmhm." Negan bit his bottom lip with a smile.
"These women get special access to many things here at the Sanctuary and all they have to do is be my wife."
Negan explaining to you the rule did not notice the way one of his wives Sara, was looking at you. Right away you began to feel uncomfortable that this man had all these women, you were not sure if he was trying to come on to you with the offer.
"That is um....very nice-" you struggled to find the right words as you took a step back.
"I should get back to my work," Negan fully turned to you with your response.
"See that's the best part," he spoke in a matter of fact tone.
"As my wife you dont have to do any of that work, sweetheart." Standing still, you observed the way he looked at you. Clearly, he was attracted to you.
"In my country...we work for our needs. We work hard...nothing is for free."
"Hm," Negan responded as he looked down at you. He respected your way of thinking, if anything it made him more interested.
"I cant argue with that, darling." Negan winked at you as he stood beside you. The women watched the way he placed his hand on your lower back once again as he led you out of the room. You were the first woman to deny Negans offer but they saw the way he looked at you. They could tell he liked you and they didnt want to share Negan with anyone else.
The next few days you continued to work with the supplies as you had planned. Negan watched as you helped around with the kids, he thought you were a very sweet woman. He thought you had a softer touch than the others. Today you took a different task and helped with the cooking, you didnt notice how much Negan had his eyes on you. The man was captivated by your beauty. As you cut up the vegetables in the kitchen, Negan quietly entered. Humming to yourself, he entered the room and took it upon himself to stand beside you.
"Mind if I keep you company, sweetheart?"
"If that's what you like," your accent making him smirk. Negan leaned against the counter with his arms crossed, an amused expression on his face.
"What?" You looked up at him confused.
"Nothing...its just the way you speak."
His response making you frown, you weren't sure to be offended or not.
"What's wrong with the way I speak?"
Negan chuckled as he stepped closer to you.
"Oh...absolutely, nothing. I actually find it kind of..sexy." He answered with a grin making you look away shyly.
"I know men like you." Negan frowned as you responded with a soft voice.
"Men like me? What's that suppose to mean?"
"Que se-" you cut yourself off not meaning to respond in spanish.
"I mean-"
"Woah woah woah. What was that?" Negan leaned in closer to you.
"Were you about to just tell me off in Spanish?" He asked with half a smile, he couldn't deny it. The sound of you losing your patience in your first language aroused him.
"Please....go on," Negan teased.
"What I was going to say..was that-"
"In spanish, Valentina," the sound in his voice sounding like an order.
"Te gusta coquetear. You like to flirt...you chase after many women...womanizer."
"Mmmmm..." Negan bit his bottom lip and shook his body liking the sound of you talking in your language before he took another step closer.
"Well just for your information, Valentina. I dont chase after women, I flirt. But I cant help when a woman catches my eye like no other has..." His husky voice making you look up at him staring directly down at you.
"And I have to admit, you've really caught my eye." You could feel your cheeks begin to blush before turning away shyly.
"I better finish cooking." Nervously you responded continuing to chop up the vegetables as Negan remained beside you. Feeling his eyes heavily on you, you began to cut faster when suddenly you sliced your finger.
"Ow!" Negan turned serious at the sound of your scream.
"Shit." He instantly took hold of your hand taking a close look at your cut.
"I'm fine, I just-"
"Come here." Negan took you by your wrist to the table and sat you down across from him.
"Its nothing, Negan-"
"You cut yourself pretty fucking deep." Negan pulled out a small bottle of whiskey from his pocket and opened it with his mouth before quickly pouring some on your wound. You gasped trying to pull your hand back but he held you tightly.
"Easy, honey." Negan blew lightly on your wound as he looked at you and relieved the burning sensation.
"Better? Or am I going to get told off again in spanish?" Negan teased making you playfully scowl at him.
"Let me see this." Negan grabbed a cloth and patted it dry. Quietly you watched how gently he moved, how softly he touched your fingers. You had to admit, you were surprised to see a man like him move so lightly with his hands. He seemed so concerned with your wound. Sara, one of his wives unexpectedly walked in catching your hand in his as he treated you. Quickly you pulled away and stood up noticing the irritated look in her eyes.
"Sara, you need something?" Negan turned to her as she changed the expression on her face.
"No, we were just looking for you. All of us have been looking for you." Sara responded as you turned away wrapping your finger in a bandage.
"Alright. I'll be right there. You can go." Sara not liking his response turned and left the room as Negan stood up and walked towards you.
"You always carry a bottle of that stuff on you?" You asked with your back to him.
"Some times, never know when a pretty lady might accidentally wound herself." He teased making you laugh.
"I'm not so bad after all, am I?" His voice made you smile as you tied your finger up.
"You're still a womanizer," you responded playfully.
"Till one catches my eye." Negans tone wasnt as playful as yours, he meant what he said. Not knowing what to respond to that you changed the subject.
"Well thank you, even though it burned," you laughed as he stood behind you.
"I would've finished taking care of it if you didnt get up and run away so fast."
"Its okay, you're a busy man. Your wives are waiting."
"Let them wait." Negan responded not knowing Sara was hearing eveything behind the door. Never had Negan neglected his time with his wives before and they did not like this.
"I got it. Let me finish cooking, I'll see you around." You turned to him with a smile before continuing to make dinner.
Sara had already been complaining to the other women on how much attention Negan had been giving you. Not realizing just how much these women were growing to despise you, you went about your days not thinking of them. Negan on the other hand bought a smile to your lips everytime he came to mind. Everyday he took time out of his day to have some conversation with you. You would always catch him staring at you from afar, it made your heart flutter. He respected the fact that you didnt want to be one of his wives, that you werent like the others but that's what seemed to make him like you more. A couple days later you found yourself back on supply duty. Negan stood by the door as you marked off the number of each item on your clipboard.
"Everything going good?" The sound of his voice instantly make your heart skip a beat. Turning to him with a sweet smile he walked towards you.
"Yes, everything is great."
"Let me take a look at what you've got going on here." Negan stood right behind you looking over your shoulder as he read over what you had written down. The feel of his body so close behind you made your breathing begin to grow unsteady.
"Shit, this looks about right." He murmured behind you. Negan took a peak at the sight of your cleavage watching your chest rise and fall quickly, he could tell you were nervous with him standing so close.
"So, is good?" You questioned him before swallowing nervously.
"Valentina, tell me...how do I say 'very good' in spanish?" He asked close to you.
"Um..its muy bien," Negan licked his lips at the sound of your voice.
"Muy bien," Negans deep voice sent shivers down your spine, you had to admit he sounded smooth.
"Did that sound good?" He asked slowly, it was hard not to show how much you liked it.
"Mhm," Negan grinned behind you hearing the nervous excitement in your tone.
"How about..beautiful?" You suddenly felt Negans hand gently take hold of your waist making you softly gasp.
"Negan.."
"Say it." Taking a deep breath you hesitantly responded.
"Hermosa."
"Hermosa," he whispered behind your ear seductively, you could tell he was trying to turn you on and it was working until you remembered his wives.
"Negan-" you spoke breathlessly finally turning to face him.
"What are you doing? You know how I feel-"
"No I dont. Tell me again," his eyes were intense, he was turned on just as much, if not more than you were. His hands pulled you close against him as you looked up at him hesitantly.
"I'm not one of your wives...that's not who I am..we cant..-" you spoke but your eyes did not follow. He could tell how weak you were, how close you were to giving in to him. He leaned his forehead on yours, making you feel his breath touch your lips.
"Negan....I dont like being with someone who has...who has others."
"I havent touched them since we met," Negan spoke hoarsley. And it was true, the man couldnt bring himself to be sexually aroused by them with how much he thought of you since he met you. You found it hard to believe but it was true. Finally you both closed your eyes and let each others lips press against each other. Negan groaned with his mouth on yours, for so long he had been wanting to taste you. Not as one of his wives, not as just another woman he wanted but a woman he longed for. His lips trailed down the side of your jaw onto your neck as he sucked on it making you moan. Lost in the passion neither of you heard someone enter the room, that someone being Sara.
"Negan," her demanding voice making you jump back turning away from him as you fixed your hair.
"God dammit, what did I tell you about interrupting me?" He yelled at her in frustration.
"I'm sorry, I'll go." Embarrassed and angry, not expecting him to react this way, she left the room as Negan followed to where you moved.
"Now...where were we?" He pulled you against him making you put your hand to his chest to stop him.
"Negan no, I'm sorry. Those girls dont like me-"
"You think I give a shit?"
"Its not just that, I dont do this like this. I'm not one of them." You struggled to explain to the best of your ability in english. Negan felt frustration run through him, so turned on he could burst knowing he was so close to having you. So close until someone barged in and interrupted the moment. Negans breathing was heavy, you could tell how much he wanted you.
"Dont let her ruin what was happening between us."
"Its not her-"
"Then what the fuck is it?!" He suddenly yelled making you back away.
"You dont yell at me! Quien crees que eres!?" Negan raised his brows, a sudden smirk slowly forming on his face.
"So that's what it takes for you to talk to me like that huh? And what exactly did you just say?" Negan stepped closer as you crossed your arms holding the clipboard against you.
"Not that it matters because either way you sound so sexy..." Negan couldnt hide his arrogant and flirtatious side.
"Who do you think you are?" You repeated so he could understand.
"Thinking because you are the leader of this place you can yell at me or fuck me when you want-"
"Oh baby, talking dirty to me now?" Negan was amused by your reaction, his response only irritating you more.
"Alright, alright. I'm sorry." Negan finally gave in, as much as he liked the sound of you speaking in Spanish, he didnt like you being angry with him. As this whole time, you had never become angry with him.
"But if you must know, that's not the way I think, doll. I actually fucking like you." He admitted making you blush.
"Do I wanna fuck you? Of course I do, cant you see how fucking hard you have me? I can't lie about that but, I also fucking like you. Do you see me making any god damn time for my wives? Why do you think they constantly come looking for me when I'm with you?" Negan had a point, either way at that moment you didnt want to speak about it any longer.
"I think I should continue with my work, I'll talk to you later." Turning your back to him you continued to count over the items, Negan walked out in frustration cursing at himself.
Sara angrily ran to the other women and told them what she had just witnessed.
"So that's why hes barely been with us this past month, hes been with that broad," one wife complained.
"Hes never done this before when other women arrived, what makes that chick so special?" Another complained with frustration.
"I dont know but we've got to think of something to get rid of her. She needs to go." Sara responded when suddenly Negan pushed the door open.
"Sara, can I see you for a moment." Negan called out for her making her smile, not realizing Negan was in anything but a good mood.
"Yes, Negan," she responded happily as she closed the door behind her and faced him.
"Do me a favor dont fucking look for me unless I look for you. Dont ask of me, dont call for me, forget I'm fucking here. Understood?"
Sara's jaw dropped not expecting him to ever act this way with her.
"Y-yes. Sure." Angrily he walked off, only confirming the thought in her head that you indeed had to go.
Sara and the women had planned on introducing themselves to you, as they had never spoken to you themselves. As you finished organizing the supply room and locked the door shut you turned to find Negans wives standing outside the door.
"Um hi," nervously you smiled at them as you felt strongly that they disliked you.
"Hi, Valentina right?"
"Yes."
"My name is Sara, this is Susan, Sherry and Lisa."
"Hi, its very nice to meet you." You werent able to look Sara in the eye knowing she had just seen you and Negan together...kissing.
"I know, we havent really met..but why not right?" All the girls laughed simultaneously as you smiled awkwardly.
"We wanted to ask if you'd like to join us for dinner?"
"I-um sure," being completely caught off guard you weren't sure what to say. The girls happily walked with you to the kitchen and you sat with them quietly.
"Look Sara, about what you saw-"
"What about it?" Sara responded playfully.
"We've all been there with him, now it's your turn. Dont feel bad." She laughed as you felt a kick to your gut. You knew Negan had many wives and fooled around with everyone but you still didnt like hearing it.
"He did that with all of us, whenever one of us were new, we were his main priority for a certain time." She lied through her teeth, she knew none of them ever got personal treatment this way. She saw the disappointment in your eyes.
"Oh. I understand." Your expression quickly changing, the girls could tell you liked Negan and was hurt by what you heard.
Their plan of pretending to be nice to you to gain trust was working, the things they told you of Negan made you never want to speak to him. You felt like a fool falling for his words, how could you be so dumb? The man had so many wives and you for some reason thought you were special? Walking outside with them after dinner instantly caught Negans attention. He frowned and squinted his eyes from where he was watching you speak to his wives. Negan had a funny feeling about this and didnt like the sight of it.
"Oh shit, hes coming," you heard one of the girls whisper when Negan suddenly showed up before all of you, his eyes directly on you.
"Ladies."
"Hi, Negan," they all spoke together while you stayed silent making him step up to you.
"I dont get a hello, Valentina?"
"Negan," you muttered low making him look at the other women strangely.
"Valentina....I'd like to have a talk with you. Alone."
"I'd rather not."
"I didnt ask," he shot back making you look up at him. Looking back at his wives as Negan walked ahead, you could tell they were annoyed but, what could you do. Quietly you followed Negan far from where his wives stood before he turned to you with a very serious look.
"I dont want you talking to them."
"Why not?"
"Cause I said so. I dont trust it," you scoffed rolling your eyes.
"What dont you trust? That they're making me see you for who you really are?"
Negan frowned stairing down at you, his eyes looking directly into yours.
"What are they telling you about me?" He spoke low leaning his face close to yours.
Before you could respond Sara suddenly appeared besides both of you.
"Negan I have to tell you something."
"God dammit Sara, havent you learned-"
"I'm pregnant," you gasped at her words. A heart sinking feeling as you felt a knot in your throat. Sara was desperate to push you away in any way she could.
"Excuse me?" Negan looked at her puzzled as he walked towards her slowly.
"I-I should go." You began to walk away before Negan reached back and grabbed your arm without turning back to you.
"No Valentina. Stay right here. Now, what the fuck did you say, Sara?"
"I'm- I'm pregnant, Negan."
"Bullshit," he responded coldly.
"What the fuck do you think you're trying to do?" He spoke with a low angry voice, he knew exactly what Sara was up to and he wasnt going to let it happen.
"Its true, I am."
"I havent touched you in over a month."
"Did you forget that time in the supply closet?" She asked with wicked eyes, you looked away in shock, feeling disgust.
"Oh you want to play that fucking game with me?" Negan yelled at Sara charging towards her as she stared up at him boldly.
"Go back to the fucking room. Get the hell out of my face." Sara looked over at you in disapproval before storming off back inside. Negan turned back to find you with glossy eyes, he could tell you were attempting to hold back tears.
"Valentina-"
"I should've known. I knew you was a womanizer, a man with many-many wives." You struggled to express yourself properly.
"Val, shes lying. I havent touched her since I met you. I didnt want to."
"My name is Valentina," you snapped at him with your accent emphasizing on your name.
"And it doesnt matter, we are not you know...um a couple or whatever-"
"We can be."
"I dont want to be one of your wives!"
"I dont want you as one of them god dammit, I dont even want them!" Negan yelled making you silent. You didnt know what to believe with everything they had told you.
"I just want to go to my room." You responded in a calm manner as you looked away.
"Then go," Negan walked off angrily that you wouldnt believe him, angry that he ever lived the way he did at all. Quietly you went off to your room just wanting to cool off. Negan headed to where the wives were to discipline them and happened to walk into the hallway hearing them talk their next plan out.
"We have to get rid of her, hes not giving up on her and shes-"
"Shes not going to leave, she has nowhere to go, " Sherry responded.
"And Negan sure as hell wont make her leave. We're stuck with her."
"Unless......unless we do something to her." Sara suggested as Negan over heard with a straight face.
"What do you mean do something to her? Like hurt her?" Susan asked in excitement.
"Yeah, I mean, Negan wont know. He can just think it's an accident." Negan pressed his lips together angrily at the thought of anyone hurting you.
"What do you girls say?" Sara asked looking at all of them eager for a response. It didnt take long for them all to agree. Negan had a rule to never hurt women, but hearing them even think of hurting you made him want to bend some rules.
"We'll just get her one day while Negans out of the sanctuary. Trick her into being alone with us-" The women suddenly gasped at the sound of Negan entering the room.
"Negan, we weren't expecting you," Sara laughed nervously hoping he hadn't heard anything.
"Oh, I know that," Negan responded sarcastically as he stood before them.
"I needed to have a talk with you ladies. Now you ladies know what one of my number one rules are, dont you?"
"Yeah, to not do any harm to women." Lisa responded confidently.
"Exactly, now what are some things I hate?" Negan stepped closer in a very slow manner.
"Lies," responded one wife.
"Being crossed," responded another as Negan slowly pulled out his gun.
"Exactly! Now do you ladies know what this is?" They watched as he placed a silencer on his gun before pointing it at a random space.
"Is that a-" before Sherry could finish he pointed the gun at Lisa and shot her dead making all of them scream.
"So I heard from a little bird that you guys had a plan." Negan pointed again and shot Sherry.
"Shit-" Sara muttered in fear in shock at the cold blooded action Negan was taking.
Quietly you sat on your bed not being able to stop thinking about Negan. Were you actually starting to have feelings for this man? Maybe you should've let him really express himself to you, you knew those women didnt like you after all. With a sigh you stood up and decided to go find Negan and really have a one on one conversation with him.
Negan had by now shot down everyone besides Sara, terrified she put her hands up as Negan walked towards her.
"You thought you could cross me and get away with it?" Negan smirked as she shook her head.
"I...I apologize. I p-p-promise I wont-"
"A little to late for that dont you think?"
Walking towards the main room you could see the door cracked so you knew he was in there. Just as you reached the door you slowly opened it to a sight you would never forget.
"Ne-" you gasped just as Negan pulled the trigger and shot Sara through the head. You let out a scream covering your mouth in shock, Negan turned to you as you observed what was before you.
"Valentina," the look of complete terror in your eyes you couldnt believe what you saw. Visibly shaking, your eyes fell on him then back to his gun still in his hand. Quickly putting it away he took a step forward making you scream taking a step back. Negan could tell he had just instilled fear into you, fear of him.
"Valentina, sweetheart.. I can explain."
Not saying a word as you struggled to breathe you slowly took another step back before making a quick run for it.
"Valentina!" Negan yelled running after you catching you from behind in the middle of the hallway. You screamed as he covered your mouth and held you against him not letting you go.
"I'm not gonna hurt you!" He yelled as you cried trying to get away from him before he pulled you down on the floor against him.
"Shh, listen to me," his hand still over your mouth as he held your arms down around you.
"I had to do it," Negan whispered in your ear out of breath. He could feel you trembling against him, he hated knowing he made you feel this way.
"You think I wanted to do that? You know I dont hurt women but...those women wanted to hurt you. And I wasnt going to fucking allow that." You cried trying to push his hands away, you didnt believe him.
"I know you're scared but you have to trust me dammit!" Negan having more strength than you exhausted you, finally you gave up out of breath against him. Feeling you relax in his arms he slowly dropped his hand away from your mouth. Hesitantly you looked back at him in a way you had never looked at him before.
"No.. don't do that." He whispered looking down at you.
"Dont look at me like I'm a damn monster," you couldnt help noticing the blood splatter on the bottom side of Negans face before looking back into his eyes.
"You killed those women..." you spoke in a shaky voice.
"You werent suppose to see that."
Shaking your head in disbelief you kept picturing all four of their bodies laying dead on the floor. You couldnt believe the same man so gentle with your wound could do so much damage. You had no idea the kinds of things Negan had done.
"No....I-this isnt right.." you slowly began to push yourself away before quickly standing up and rushing off. Just wanting to get away from him you ran into a random room not realizing it was his bedroom. Before you could rush back out Negan entered and locked the door behind him.
"Now you're gonna hear me."
"Negan, please I want to go. Please." You began to cry as he walked towards you with deeply knitted brows.
"You think I'm gonna hurt you?" You couldnt look him in the eye as he stood inches away from you.
"Those women wanted you dead which is why they're dead and you think I'd fucking hurt you?" Slowly blinking through your tears you looked up at him hesitantly.
"Dead?" You whispered confused.
"Yes they wanted you dead and they were going to hurt you the next time I wasnt around and I would've killed them then too." Looking down you noticed the view of his gun, instantly making you uncomfortable. Negan followed your eyes and could tell it made you feel unsafe.
"You want me to put it away, then will you fucking listen to me?"
Without you saying a word he slowly pulled it out of his pocket and hid it in a drawer beside him.
"Why?" You suddenly asked looking up at him innocently.
"Why what?"
"Why for me...you do this? I dont understand I-"
"I thought I made myself clear about that, sweetheart." Negan slowly stepped closer to you not wanting to frighten you.
"I cant help when a woman catches my eye and I haven't had a woman catch my eye in a long fucking time."
Got cut off with this post, I'll post part 2 in a bit!
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kaz11283 · 3 years
Text
Only One God For Me
(Part 2 of Love Never Wins)
SUMMARY: After blowing up at him afyer weeks of hiding out you challenge Loki to hand to hand. Blowing up might have been the best thing, it could help you let off that frustration you had built up.
Characters: Nat, Clint, Thor, Loki, avengers on the side line.
(Loki x you, clint x you, Thor x you, Nat x you)
ANNOUNCEMENT: I didnt know how much part 1 was going to be but I am forever greatful in this amazing community! Thank you guys SO much! Check out my other stuff too if you like this. As always reblog, ask, comment, and like! After I finish up here I'll be back to writing for Fire and Ice. Thank you again so SO much for everything! 💚💚💚
Loki Master List
~~~~
You and Nat were standing at one end of the training area as Loki walked in. You glanced up from Nat wrapping your hands and noticed he was wearing his normal traing gear. Plain leather black pants with a dark green Henley, his hands already wrapped.
"Focus, your getting distracted." She said yanking on one of the straps.
"Ow. I cant help it Nat, we went from cant keep our hands away from each other to literally fist fighting each other. Ya know this is normally frowned upon is normal society." You streched your fingers out and balled them back up streching out the gloves a little.
"Hunny, even in a perfect world were anything but normal. I mean for god sakes your fighting a literal god. You remember what I taught you. Right?" She asked looking almost terrified for me.
"Yes mother, I havent forgotten. This is gonna be a piece of cake." Inside you were freaking out. You normally was in a very high spot with your bow or normally trying to break into the computers. You wasnt normally in hand to hand combat, but you were smarter than to think you would never need it.
You turned shaking you head and putting the mouth piece in your mouth. Hitting you fist together jumping back and forth getting ready. Loki just stood there smirking. You was gonna smack that smirk off his face.
"Hey sis, Im not saying you cant beat him just be careful. He throws a nasty left hook." Clint said munching on some chips."Thanks, Hawk. Mind explaining why the rest of the team is here?" You mumbled around the mouth piece.
"Thor, definitely Thor." He said walking back to the small group that gathered.
"Sweetheart. Are we gonna fight or are you just gonna stand there chit chatting?" He called across the mat.
"I'm coming." You walked across the mat to the center. Someone hit a bell signaling for the fight to start and he jumped toward you. You dodged his first attemped and circled him slowly. You could read his every move, read where he was going next.
You took a defence stance that Nat had taught you from your training before he lunged again. This time you managed to upper cut him in the side knocking some of the wind from him.
"Oh you little minx. I figured I would take it easy on you but we can play your way also." This time he took a step back centering himself. Looking up you noticed he had a dangerous look in his eye.
"I didnt invite you here to take it easy on me, I invited you because you dont take anything serious. Because if someone like me can beat you in hand to hand then anyone can." You stepped closer to him gauging what move you was going to make next.
He dropped down to the mat attempting to sweep your legs out from under you, he missed one but caught the other causing you to fall. He jumped on top of you pinning your hands above your head. "Now this positions brings back memories." He whispered to you causing your face to turn bring red. You brought your leg up able to wrap it around his waist and slammed him back down to the mat gaining some advantage.
"This one also." He smirked. You raised your fist above you aiming for his face. Whem you brought it down he moved his head causing you to miss. It felt like forever that you were both on the mat neither one gaining aginst the other. A busted lip here a bloody nose there. When the bell rang for a break Nat was in your corner with Clint offering you some water and a rag ti wipe the blood off.
"Sis, I'm try in real hard not to grab an arrow and stabe him with it." Clint said from one side. You could see anger in his eyes.
"Hawk, its fine. Given the circumstance its all good. Its just training in a matter of speaking. Anger is mostly wunning but I got this. I was trained by the best. I'm not even tired." You took another drink of water before going back out to the mat.
"This is fun. I have never seen my brother trying harder to win anything in his life." Thor shouted across the room. "Lady y/n is quite good at sparing. We must fight sometime." Thor laughed.
A few more rounds when and you could feel the weight of the afternoon but you wasjt about to simply throw in the towel just yet. You knew you could get the best of him. You had thrown him back on the mat then he took his feet placing them on your chest shoving you off of him. Before you knew it you were surrounded by multipuls of him.
"Loki we agreed no sedair! This is cheating!" You yelled at them.
"God of Mischief and lies sweetheart. Besides we're in weird predicaments all the time. You said so yourself. Tell you what. You find the real me and I'll forfeit." One of the clones said. You stood up in the middle of them all focusing everything you had on concentrating, ignoring Clint yelling in the background and the rest of the group shouting.
You opened your eyes zeroing in on one closest to you and walked up to him.
"Are you sure your right about this decision?" It mocked.
"Yeah. I think I am." You brought the ball of yoyr fist up crashing it into Loki's nose. The rest of the clones disappered as he fell to his knees in front of you. "You are a complete and utter asshole Loki Odinson. I hope that it messes with you for a while that you got beat by a mortal." You started unwrapping your gloves as you walked away.
Over the next few weeks you avoided every living space in the tower that you knew he would be in. It had truly hurt you that he had cheated during the fight. You still couldnt understand how just months before you couldn't keep your hands off of each other now you were both avoiding each other like the plague.
"Miss y/n. Team has a mission. Tony wants everyone in the confrence room dressed and ready in 15 minutes." JARVIS called pausing your movie. With a roll of your eyes you walked to your bedroom to start getting ready. Pulling out your tight skinny jeans a black tank top and your zip up hoodie you French braided your hair and grabbed your bow case before heading down.
The rest of the team was gathered when you walked in and placed your case on the table opening it up to make sure everything was right. Streching out the strings and making sure the sights were spot on aiming them to the other side of the room where Loki stood.
"It would be more effecitve if you had an arrow." Clint whispered next to you.
"Shut up, I'm just making sure everything is right." You put it back down in the case and started going over your arrows.
"You realize we have a place you can put that when your not using it." Tony said walking around you.
"Right up your ass if you suggest that again." You laughed putting everything back up.
"Love the enthusiasm kid." Tony laughed walking to the front of the table.
"Ok Team, going to be a long few days for us. Just got some Intel about a caravan carrying some explosives across the Scandinavian border. Gonna have to divide into teams for this one. Hawk, Nat, Strange, Rodgers, Bruce, and Thor you'll be starting at the meeting point and working your way toward us. The rest is with me." Tony pulled a map up on the big screen showing where you wwre going.
"Oh come on, why cant I be with the A team?" You asked with a groan.
"Sorry kid, gotta divide it up right. One god for each, one Archer. Only fair. And even if you two hate each other you guys work good together." Tony shrugged.
"Yeah sorry kid." Clint laughed.
"Hey I'm a full three minutes older that you. Probably explains why I'm better. Whatever. I'll go pack my stuff." You huffed standing up.
The next two hours seems to drag by, it was freezing here. You was just ready to get this over with so that you could go back home and relax in a nice warm bath, you pulled your jacket tighter aginst you.
"I've told you many times that you should start wearing the uniform that they gave you. You'll freeze to death one day." Loki said taking off his cloak and putting it around your shoulders.
"Thanks, but I'm still pissed at you." You hugged it closer. "I hate the whole uniform thing. To tight to revealing."
Another few minutes pass before Tony gives everyone the heads up that your about to be over the caravan. Figuring you were warm enough you took the cloak off and handed it back to him. "You may still be pissed at me but I do still care very deeply for you y/n. I was an idiot for everything." He took it and wrapped it around his shoulders. When his fingers grazed yours there was a surge that went through you.
"Give me time. You really hurt me, not just by breaking up with me but by lying to me during training. Good luck out there God of Mischief."
"Tony, your gonna have to get lower i cant get a clear shot on the driver!" You yelled over the wind whipping around your face. About that time a diffrent arrow shot through gettkng the driver in the side causing the vehicle to completly stop.
"Gotta be faster than that sis. One for me." Clint laughed over the com.
"You are my least favorite person right now Hawk." You mumbled. Tony brought the Quinn Jet down so your team could spread out.
"That is truly saying something my dear." Lokis smooth voice said in your ear.
"You gave me your cloak to keep me warm. Gave you a fell points." You pulled back again and shot it through the truck behind the first hitting the driver in the head. "Got one, Hawk, your next."
"Can we cut the chatter. Got alot going on in the sky at the moment." Tony said. Youbcould here something firing above you looking up you could see Tony being followed by a jet firing at him. "Need some back up guys. Twins. Anyone."
"Hawk. I need a Boom Boom stick." You met him in the middle of the road.
"I really wish you wouldnt call them that." He said handing you one. You both pulled your bows back and aimed. "Heads or tails?"
"I like the tails." You let go of the sting and watched as the jet exploded.
"I think she can call them whatever she wants as long as she keeps doing a good job keeping bogies off my ass." Tony yelled over the coms.
"I hate this. I cant see shit down here." You yelled over to Clint. "I gotta get higher." You looked around eyeballing the turnes over truck. You threw the bow across your back and started climbing up the truck. Shots rang around you one grazing your side, before it had started it was like it stopped looking behind you you noticed Loki with his daggers in his hands.
"You need to pay more attention y/n." He scolded you.
"Why pay attention when I have someone keeping an eye out for me." You smiled.
"Oh darling Im doing more than just keeping an eye out." After everything that ass had done to you he was flirting FLIRTING with you.
"Y/N! No. More. Gods." Clint yelled. From here you could see everything going on. Nat fighting two men, you took one out easily from your spot. She shot you a thumbs up. Bruce had hulked out throwing things everywhere, multiple times you had to dodge something flying your way. The fight was almost over when you glanced behind you noticing four men backing Loki aginst a turned over car.
His hands were up as if in surrender. "Loki why arent you using your sedair?" You mumbled pulling the bow back.
"Well darling you could say that I am in on of those weird predicaments. I've exahusted alot of my power down here." His back was aginst the truck now.
"Could let him get beat up." Clint pipped in as you shot one of your last arrows though two of the guys standing there. You watched Loki easily take out the other two.
"Told you Hawk, I'm not like that." You smiled walking over to Loki. "Although you could use a little practice in hand to hand, dont you agree?"
"Only if your the one practicing with me he smailed down at you.
"Ugh! Y/n! No mo-" Clint started before you pulled the com from your ear.
"Only one God for me." You leaned up kissing Loki on the cheek.
~~~~
Tag List:
@kgirardin
@sophlubbwriting
@supbeeches
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maccreadysimp · 3 years
Text
breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )
ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11
tw for i^cest and r^pe
he was with a married man
in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store
“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “
that is a quote from that part.
ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child
ian wasnt open with lip
“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”
no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.
in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’
like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting
back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping
he secretly dated his best friends brother
“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”
the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey
he stood by as kash attacked mickey
“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”
okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him
now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic
oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE
he and lip tried framing terry milkovich
oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?
yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s
he dated jimmy-steves married father
“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”
at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that
he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian
he stole lips identity to enlist in the army
he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar
“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”
this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic
ian refused to accept being bipolar
of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it
“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”
okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,
my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )
she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry
my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time
he wasnt faitful to mickey
“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”
lets break that down.
ians. bipolar. disorder.
this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out
ian stole yevgeny
before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own
“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”
cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’
he cant even keep count of his number of partners
just slutshaming i see
he helped throw frank off a bridge
“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”
‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent
also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb
he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey
he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do
he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist
he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )
he tried blackmailing an old client for money
“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”
because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place
“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”
because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth
he let fame inflate his ego
of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail
also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help
“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”
as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board
he stopped taking his meds
see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’
he actually wanted to stay in prison
because he was doing good in there
ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual
he let down his army of followers
“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”
he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health
during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control
he constantly wasted his potential
this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with
his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great
“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”
he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day
“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”
yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him
“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”
back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous
“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”
he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life
“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”
no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically
that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry
now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes
actual valid reasons ian sucks
genuinely believes frank is worse than terry
yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,
mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards
terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist
frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )
sorry ian , terry is worse
never apologized
he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him
never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’
debbies sexuality
he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?
in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me
mickey only getting like 80% of his heart
okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him
and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about
obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind
before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him
like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly
now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian
if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)
feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol
thanks for letting me rant
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moonlit-imagines · 4 years
Text
Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s Daughter (The Intense Years)
Tony Stark x daughter!reader
warnings:
a/n: y/n is 16-17, also ive really never written anything about team iron man so this was weird, someone needs to tell me i dont need every single movie detail in here
prompt: takes place from cacw and smhc
The Early Years (1) The Teenage Years (2) The Aftermath (4) Continued (5)
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after the events in sokovia, you set up the relief fund for displaced sokovians and dealt with physical clean up while the avengers...
well, they had to deal with the press—and the governments of the world
getting to know your new suit AI, JOSHUA
briefly looking for bruce; no luck there
you ended up doing the MIT september foundation presentation with tony
and ending the presentation after pepper’s name popped up on the screen
“it’s probably best we get out of here”
you were his entire support system while he was going through his break with pepper
meeting charles spencer’s mother, who really gave your dad a piece of her mind
“my son died, but your daughter gets to live on. if you lost her, maybe you’d show some sympathy for murdering my child”
*awkward silence from you*
*awkward silence from tony otw to the compound*
HATING the sound of the sokovia accords, yet understanding why they’re being ratified
being torn between signing them or not and having a huge argument with the other avengers
“y/n, why dont you listen to your dad for once and sign the damn thing”
“uncle rhodey, you know why i dont want to sign. if they have us, they have access to our suits. you really think the UN should be telling us how to use them?”
“your defense doesn’t even make sense. i had the war machine or iron patriot or whatever the hell you want to call it, but the military was calling the shots”
“and look where you are now”
“right, well i wouldn’t expect a kid to understand”
“are you kidding me, rhodes? you’re gonna play the ‘im older than you’ card?”
comforting wanda while she feared being taken
and as soon as you heard about what happened in lagos
“think about it, maximoff. if you didnt do what you did, do you know how many more casualties there may have been?”
“but i killed innocents”
“no, rumlow killed innocents. you contained that blast better than anyone else could have and you prevented a whole bunch of deaths, give yourself some credit”
okay, so you weren’t the best at talking someone down while they were upset
staying in berlin with your father while the whole bucky thing began to get sorted out
but he sent you out to stay with nat while he had some “private time” with steve
tony keeping you close to him during the power outage at the base
until it turned out you brought your suit and tony did not!
everyone was looking at you to take down bucky, but it just seemed like a bad idea, you didn’t want to hurt him because you didn’t want to hurt steve
stalling to try and buy steve time to subdue his friend
“y/n, come on, for christ sake!”
“got it, dad! i know what im doing!”
“i dont think you do!”
feeling your stomach drop when bucky shot into your dad’s hand, if it wasn’t for his latest invention, he may have gotten seriously hurt
you had a slight change of heart after that, you couldn’t bare to lose your dad. not after all those close calls...
getting yelled at by secretary ross and the wonderful 36 hour ultimatum you, nat, and tony received
“i have a plan”
“don’t say the spider boy”
“fine, i wont say it”
a nice trip to queens :)
when this parker kid finally got home, tony left you to socialize with his aunt
small talk is sometimes unbearable
“so, what’s it like being tony stark’s daughter?”
“honestly? im always tired”
peter becoming a tagalong on your mission, which you didn’t really think was appropriate
“dad, i dont really think we should’ve brought the kid...”
“why? you’re about the same age as him, its not much different”
“um...no, i meant this isnt his battle. i don’t care how old he is”
face off between tony and cap where you literally just swallowed all your pride and apologized because you couldn’t handle the fact that the team was being ripped apart like this
team ups with Spider-Man
“so, uh, do you hate me or something?”
“hey, kid? we’re kind of in the middle of something, i’ll get back to you on that”
“it’s a yes or no question, y/n”
“pass”
so, things didn’t exactly go as planned...
your (former) teammates were taken to the RAFT and you couldn’t pull it together in front of them
they were pretty pissed at you
“im sorry, im so sorry, i should’ve done better”
they ignored you (up until scott lang)
“all you stark’s are the same”
“stay out of this, bugboy”
taking to the remote hydra base in another famous father/daughter teamup
“just like the old days, right kiddo?”
“i guess so”
“hey, cheer up, it’s not all that bad”
waltzing right in there to meet your friend and foe
seeing the video of your grandparents dying
*being killed
absolutely stunned by seeing such a gruesome thing
even after all you’ve seen, this really got to you
you were robbed of ever meeting them, which made you angry, but you couldn’t stay angry because there were so many things out of everyones control
realizing that this was a good time to hold tony back
“JOSHUA, lock down y/n’s suit. protocol: baby gate”
apparently your dad still had some old protocols in your suit that you hadn’t found yet
“JOSHUA? reboot! override protocol: baby gate”
“i’m sorry, miss y/n, but i cannot do that”
watching your father attempt to get revenge
and get critically injured
simultaneously working on opening the suit back up for a bad plan
finally getting the emergency release and stumbling out of your suit, rushing towards the conflict and throwing yourself in the middle of it
“please, dad. enough damage has been done.”
“y/n, get out of the way”
he saw you shaking and crying and he realized what he was doing
attacking the only family you guys really had
getting shoved out of the way so that they could end this fight once and for all
JOSHUA finally rebooting and bringing the suit over to shield you while you helplessly watched the end of this fight
when bucky and steve left, your suit disarmed and you crouched down beside your father
“come on, let’s just go home”
“im sorry”
“i know, it’s okay”
trying to comfort your dad after his defeat
you picked up cap’s shield and returned to your suit, it was time to go home
after a brief time of recovery (while you helped work on uncle rhodey’s prototype prosthetics), there was a slight change of plans for you
“okay, so for your punishment after what you pulled during my...divorce with cap, you’re going to babysit the spiderling so you gain some perspective”
“hold on, what?! what do you mean ‘perspective?’”
“i mean you dont know what it’s like to be in charge of the life of a teenager, so now you get to find out! congratulations on your promotion!”
it was not fun at all because peter kept blowing up your phone and you kept having to tell him there was nothing for him to do
Y/N: I’ll let you know when there’s a spider-level threat, kapeesh?
P. Parker: Yes, ma’am, sorry.
peter going behind your back to do some “superhero work”
and you having to swoop in to fix everything last second
“come on, you stole my thunder, y/n!”
“no, peter, i saved your life. next time you have a lead, call me first”
and then he didn’t 😌✨💕
“Y/N, incoming call from ‘big fat meanie’”
“put him through, JOSHIE...hey dad, how’s dubai?”
“taking care of a kid is harder than it looks, isn’t it?”
“don’t start with me”
damage control ahahah 🤡
“peter, why cant you just call me in? you don’t stop texting me for months but for this you go radio silent? you almost died. and you put a bunch of lives in danger! do you want me to have to go to your aunt and tell her you died?”
“im sorry! i just...i dont want to be a sidekick”
“kid, you’re gonna have a long time to make a name for yourself...but not if you’re dead!”
he started crying and you were very uncomfortable so you tried to hug him? it helped.
letting him off easy (just like your dad did to you growing up)
but apparently tony came back and took the suit anyways and you were pretty pissed about it
avengers moving day :) yes, part of your punishment was helping happy with moving day and hearing him gush about how you were “growing into such a responsible adult”
“happy i dont know if you noticed but ive basically been an adult since i was 12”
“keep telling yourself that, kiddo”
seeing an explosion and immediately knowing it was peter
“i’ll see you later, happy, love you!”
investigating the crash site and whaddaya know, there’s peter and his first bad guy, you were kind of proud
“peter, you okay?”
“nope!”
“okay, cool”
more damage control lmao (a/n: yall sick of damage control yet?)
a congratulatory call from your dad
“hey! you did pretty good, all things considered. why don’t you take the kid to the avengers compound for his special surprise?”
“aye aye, see you soon.”
“love you, kiddo”
“you too, dad”
quick fast forward to peter rejecting the position as an avenger while the press was outside, yes, you were surprised
but then your dad finally proposed to pepper, it was a pretty cool engagement announcement
“y/n, will you be my maid of honor?”
“duh!”
happily ever after (a/n: until the next part is up)
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bridgyrose · 3 years
Note
Heya! Just to say that I've seen enjoying your snippets a lot and I thought I might give you and angsty prompt to write.
You could it for either CinderRuby, Spicecream or both XD. So Cinder is a fox kestrel faunus that used to hide her wings until she finally showed them to her SO. When Cinder was a kid Madame broke one of her wings to keep her from escaping. It never grew back correctly so Cinder cannot fly.
As for the specific prompt, why don't you pick? XD
If you choose to do it, of course no pressure, it would be a lowkey gift for @incorrectspicecreamquotes. 
Happy angsty writing!
(@incorrectspicecreamquotes a small request to be written for you)
The madame looked over Cinder, frowning when she saw the wings on the young girl’s back. “They never told me you were a faunus…” 
“I’m sorry-” 
The madame wasted no time slapping the girl’s cheek with the back of her hand, her nails digging into her flesh. “You will not speak unless spoken to. You remember that is part of your rules for being here, dont you?” 
Cinder wiped the blood from her cheek, whimpering and nodding. 
“Good.” The madame started to circle around Cinder, keeping her eyes on the wings. “Now, are you able to fly with those?” 
“I… I dont know. I never tried.” 
The madame stopped behind Cinder as she heard that answer, wasting no time to grab the left wing, snapping the bones that formed the wing. She didnt flinch as she watched Cinder drop to the ground, screaming. “Now you wont. From now on, you will keep your wings hidden from anyone. There are no faunus allowed in this hotel and I refuse to let any rumors start about me having bought one. Do you understand?” 
Cinder sobbed into the floor, pain surging through her back as one wing laid flat against her and the other bent sideways. She desperately wanted to answer, the words getting stuck in her throat and choked out by sobs. 
The madame rolled her eyes and pulled out a remote, pressing a button and watching Cinder writhe in pain from her shock collar. “Consider this your warning for not answering me. The next time I see those wings outside of your next inspection, I will make sure they will no longer be a problem. Do you understand?” 
Cinder felt the electricity from the collar die down as she held back a few sobs. “Y-yes… m-ma’am..” The words came out in sobs as Cinder picked herself up. “I… I understand….” 
“Good. Now clean yourself up and get ready for bed. You have a long day of cleaning ahead of you tomorrow and I want to make sure there is no slacking off again.” The madame turned to leave the room, letting Cinder be alone for the remainder of the night.
Cinder slowly looked at herself in the mirror on the wall, still feeling pain from the broken wing. For the first time in her life, she felt truly ashamed of how she looked. She took a few bandages and started wrapping up her wings, wincing as she tightly bound them to her back. 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Cinder? Is everything okay?” 
Cinder turned around slowly, looking away from her reflection in her wall mirror to see Ruby and Neo watching her from the doorway. She quickly put her jacket back on to hide her back. “Y-yeah, everything’s… fine.” 
Neo rolled her eyes a bit and frowned. In all the time she’s known Cinder, the girl would never stammer unless there was something going on. 
“Neo’s right, you dont sound okay,” Ruby replied. “ Are you sure there’s nothing going on?” 
Cinder hesitated for a moment before sitting down. “I… was just thinking about a few things…” 
“About your past, right?” 
Cinder nodded slowly, trying to decide how much she wanted to tell her girlfriends. She was normally very reserved about her past, keeping most of it hidden from others and giving bits and pieces to those she trusted. Neo was the first she had opened up to, letting her know why she kept her neck covered, usually while wearing a collar. Ruby, however, found things out accidentally. But Cinder was still glad to trust her about a few other details. “I’m just… not sure how much of it I want to share.” 
Neo understood Cinder’s hesitation to talk, making her way over next to her and sitting down. She gently put a hand on Cinder’s thigh, smiling at her. She always wanted her girlfriends to know they were safe discussing anything with her, especially anything with the past. 
Ruby followed suit, leaning against Cinder. “Cin, you know you can trust us. Whatever it is, we can handle it.” 
Cinder took a deep breath and sighed. “A-alright, but you have to keep this a secret.” 
Ruby and Neo watched as Cinder stood up and turned her back to them and started to disrobe. As the bandages and jacket came off, a pair of wings unfurled from her back. One seemed a bit deformed compared to the other, both were still a vibrant rufous; reddish brown feathers fading to black at the tips. 
Cinder stretched out her wings, wincing a bit from how long she’d kept them hidden. “I’m a faunus. A uh… kestrel to be more specific.” 
Ruby smiled in awe as she looked over Cinder’s wings, gently stroking the feathers. “Why would you hide this? This is so cool. I’ve never seen feathers like these before.” 
“You remember what I told you about growing up in Atlas, right?” 
“Yeah.” 
Cinder sighed. “That’s why.” 
Ruby hesitated for a moment as realization struck, causing her to sit back a bit. “O-oh, right, that.. That would do it..” 
Cinder nodded and started hiding her wings again. “Even before that, I always hid them because the kids that were in the orphanage with me would bully me for them. The kids used to pull feathers out or call me names. And then, when the madame took me in, things got a bit… worse. When she found out about them, she made sure I knew exactly how she felt about faunus. She broke one of my wings and threatened to remove them if I didnt keep them hidden. So, I bandaged them up to hide them and kept them under a jacket. Even when Rhodes started to train me, I kept my wings a secret. The broken one healed, but now... “ she stopped putting her bandages on for a moment, letting the wings try to flap. Her left wing, the one that had been broken, could barely move like a regular wing, barely flapping at all. “Now it barely works. I… I never got it treated right and so now, its useless. Just like me.” 
Neo didnt wait for Cinder to finish covering up her wings before she hugged her, pressing into the soft feathers. She knew how hard it was for Cinder to open up to them and she wanted to make sure she knew she was loved. 
Ruby wasnt far behind, pulling Cinder into a hug as well. “Dont worry, we’ll keep it a secret until you’re ready to let others know. If it makes you feel any better, I like how they look and I could always ask Blake if she knows of anyone who might be able to help fix that wing of yours.” She blushed a little as she pulled away from Cinder. “Winter break is coming up soon and, well, I know I wouldnt mind seeing you… happy to be yourself. You could come stay with me and my dad and you wouldnt have to worry about hiding anything.” 
Neo pulled back from Cinder and went to Ruby’s side, trying to show her support. 
Cinder looked between the two, a small smile starting to form as tears started welling up in her eyes. “I… I dont... “ 
“W-wait, Cin, please dont cry.” 
“No, Ruby, I’m not sad, I’m… I’m happy.” Cinder wiped the tears from her eyes, smiling at her girlfriends. “I really… I cant thank you both enough for everything you’ve given me. I was…  I was so scared that you both would hate me for lying-” 
Neo slowly walked over to Cinder and placed a finger over her lips, smiling at her. She gently moved her finger away and kissed Cinder, gently stroking her hair. 
“She has a point. We both love you Cin, and that means all of you. Wings included.” 
“I… I still have a hard time believing it is all. But please, talk to Blake and see what we can do about getting my wing fixed. As long as I have the two of you, I think I’m ready to let people see me for who I really am.” 
Neo and Ruby both hugged Cinder, trying to show how much they loved her. 
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heartbreakgrill · 4 years
Text
Anyone Else; Calum Hood
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You leaned down over Calum’s shoulder, blocking out the bright sunset behind the two of you. He inhaled, reveling in the coconut scent of your shampoo, fused with sunscreen and chlorine-d pool water. He shook his head lightly, reminding himself to open his eyes and focus on the phone in his hand. You lifted your free hand, that wasn’t cradling a White Claw, and pointed at a profile.
“She’s super cute! I feel like she’s your type,” you commented at the picture of a taller girl, sporting fishnets and a Led Zeppelin.
“You think I’m only into girls who like rock?” Calum chuckled a little.
You shrugged, moving away to tug over a free camping chair. You leaned back in, giving Calum the view of your neck as your hair fell away from it. He licked his lips as you spoke again, “I mean, I think you look good next to someone like that based on how you dress and shit. If you’re not into that, dont let me pressure you.”
You giggled and twisted around to look at him. His eyes focused in on yours, “Uh, yeah. Or, no, youre good. Youre not pressuring me. Just helping, right?”
“Right,” you scrunched your eyes in a beat, to show you were somewhat confused by his confusion. “Anyways, swipe right or left and lets move along.”
“Okay.” Cal did as you said, allowing the screen to switch to another girl.
“Oh, no, no, she looks too much like Crystal,” you giggled lightly. “Love Crystal, but that’d be creepy.”
“So I can’t like anyone who looks like anybody in our friend group?” Calum remarked, his heart hoping you wouldn’t break it by what you would reply with.
You wriggled in your seat, “I dont know. I feel like its weird. If they look like Luke, Ill allow it.”
His lips fumbled before his brain could reach out and grasp the words and shuffle them back into a drawer, “What if they look like you?”
“Yeah, right,” you looked back at him, “I’m unique. One of a kind, baby.”
Calum flushed as you spoke. He fumbled again, about to spill again, when Sierra called your name from the pool. “Show me that boy from last weekend?”
You quickly got up, excusing yourself from Calum, and pranced across the concrete patio to the fire pit, where Luke and Sierra were cuddled up, talking to another one of your friends. Calum tried not to break his neck and watch you animatedly talk about your Tinder date last Saturday. Yet he knew it was noticeable he was trying to pry.
He felt a hand slap down on his shoulder and Calum jumped in his seat. Michael took your seat, Crystal trailing along behind and slinking into his lap. “You got it bad, mate.”
Crystal grinned at him, “You really do.”
Calum shook his head, “Dont know what youre talking about.”
“Oh, my God,” Michael pressed his fingers to his forehead, eyes cartwheeling in their sockets. “Seriously, I never understand situations like this. I dont think it’d ruin your friendship if you asked to kiss her and she rejected you.”
“It wouldn’t,” Calum remarked, speaking the honest truth. He shifted in his seat, glancing at you before meeting Michael’s eyes. “But it would ruin me. And I dont really want a broken heart right now.”
Crystal’s eyes widened and she leaned forward. “Cal, is it worse than we thought?”
“Worse?” Michael furrowed his brows, looking between the two before realization hit him like chance. “Oh, shit. Dude?”
Calum stood suddenly, tossing his empty beer can in the garbage. “I’m going home. See ya later.”
He didn’t give them the chance to say anything else as he gathered his damp towel, shoes, and bag from around him. He passed through the kitchen, waving lazily to Ashton and Kay, who were preparing the food for s’mores.
“Not staying?” Ashton called after him.
He heard Kay mutter something else to him and Ashton shocked a small, “Oh.”
You finished telling the story of Matt, who you had gone on a date with last week as Calum was pulling out of the driveway. “Yeah, but I don’t know if I’m going see him again.”
“Why?” Luke asked, puzzled by the fact that you sounded like you were really interested in him for the past five minutes, but didn’t wanna go on another date.
“I dont know,” you crossed your arms. “He’s just not my type. He’s kinda, like, stern. He’s funny, but funny in an unconventional way. He doesnt seem like he’d, I dont know, be playful in a relationship. Does that make sense? i want a guy who can be playful, but who’s mature.”
Sierra grinned to herself, nudging Luke with her elbow. “Yeah, that makes sense. Hey, ya know, Y/N?”
“Hm?” You looked to her.
Luke took over, “We know someone who’s like that.”
“Oh!” You smiled wider, “Who?”
You felt Michael slink an arm over your shoulder, whisper in your ear, “Calum.”
You moved from under him, his weight overbearing to you. “Yeah, okay.”
“What’s wrong with him?” Crystal sat on the couch across from Sierra.
“Nothings wrong. Hes just super out of my league. Plus, I’m not his type. I’m all, strawberries and picnics and, like, Hozier. He listens to Nickelback and he’d rather go to a club than kayak. I dont know, I feel like he wouldn’t like me because of my interests.”
“Cal’s a softer, you know that, right?” Luke replied. “Hes a big rockstar, yeah, but he loves hiking and nature, too.“
“He loves y- ow!” Michael groaned out, Crystal interrupting him with a shove to the ribs.
You gave him a strange look before looking back to Luke, “I know, but still. He’s still out of my league.”
-
The weeks passed, more pool parties and barbecues filling your lengthened free summer days that you weren’t working or going on sporadic Tinder dates. You’d been on five total, with four different guys. Each party brought more stories, more tall tales of Derek, the free lance artist who wore a scarf and ordered you red wine, Gideon, the police officer who hadn’t put his career in his bio, and got slightly upset when you talked about your advocacy for human rights. Spencer was just weird, with piles of facts, criticizing your jokes for being politically incorrect or scientifically impossible. However, Aaron was nearly perfect. He was super sweet, dressed like a normal person, and laughed at your jokes, agreed passionately with your advocacy.
Each time you retold a story, Calum would slide down in his seat, frown at the world around him, excuse himself from the party too soon. You were catching on slightly, smelling the jealousy seeping from his pores, though it was masked by chlorine. You figured he was just jealous because he couldn’t manage to match with a good enough woman on Tinder. So, tonight- though you had to leave early for a date with Aaron- you would most definitely find him a match.
Calum had arrived early to Luke’s house to get the meat started on the grill. He was flipping a few burgers, sipping at his first beer with absentminded concentration. His mind wandered as Luke rambled off his ear about something he saw on Twitter. Luke laughed at a joke he made, while Calum’s eyes lost focus and went blurry. His thoughts swirled with you- your shampoo, and its coconut scent that reminded him of his first crush in middle school. Your eyes were seen in so many, so similar, yet freckled with so much heartbreak and kindness that emitted from your soft spoken lips and light hands that had contact with the stars.
He didn’t care if he would look better next to a girl with jet black hair and a perfect body. He didn’t care if they played bass, too, or if they were famous and loved The Rolling Stones. He didn’t care if she was hard headed and loud. He liked that you were soft and quiet- he was, too. He loved that you dressed so different; your floral patterns went well with his dark jeans t-shirt combos. He didnt care about things looked, just how they felt. And things with you...Hell, you felt good.
Calum jumped as Luke shouted, “Youre burning the burger- Cal!”
Calum dropped his beer can, spilling the liquid all over his bare feet as he grasped for the spatula. He tossed a burnt burger into the trash with a huff, scooping the others onto a tray. “Sorry.”
Luke shook his head, sitting down beside Calum, who was dipping his feet into the water to clean them off. “What’s your problem, mate? You’ve gotten so quiet lately. Especially when Y/N’s around.”
“Part of me is hoping I’ll be able to fight the urge to kiss her if I just stop talking to her. But, then she comes around and i cant stop talking to her. We get on so well,” Calum murmured, though Luke could hear.
“Yeah?” Luke urged him, feeling proud he could get Cal to say so much. He was a quiet person, a loud jokester in social situations, but so soft and enclosed about himself.
Calum shook his head, huffed, “I cant settle for somebody else. I know that sounds selfish and stupid, but she’s all I want. She’s all I’ve wanted since i met her. She’s so perfect and good and...she makes me feel good. I dont know. Its not impossible for her to like me back, but she’s so obsessed with the idea of someone being her type. Its like she’s afraid to just take a chance and love someone who she doesnt have figured out. She wants it all to be certain and specific and exactly the way she expects it to be.”
Luke sighed, creating small ripples with his feet in the pool, “Cal, Y/N is like a literal angel. She’s gentle and quiet and contained and confirmed. She’s perfect, like you said. But, Sierra knows her so well. She keeps herself like that because she’s been heartbroken before. So many times before. She’s scared, yes. But I think shed be willing to give you a chance if you just tell her...tell her exactly what it is.”
“What do you mean?” Calum already knew everything about Y/N. But, he didnt want Luke to think he was obsessive even though she knew everything about Cal, too.
Luke shrugged, both of their head’s turning to the patio door as it opened. “I dont know. But, you do. Just tell her.”
“How will I know if I’m saying the right things?”
“You just will.”
Sierra led you over to a lounge chair, sitting beside you as you slipped out of your sandals and tugged off your shirt. You were left in your bikini top and shorts, a combination that made Calum’s heart palpitate. He took the courage from Luke’s words and stood, walking over to you.
“Yeah, so if he ever wants to...” Sierra trailed off as Calum’s shadow fell over the two of you.
He gave you a shy smile as Sierra grinned and excused herself.
“Hey, Cal,” your lips lifted, eyes following him as he sat next to you. “How’ve ya been?”
“Good, you?” He was shy. He knew you could tell, too. His eyes kept switching between yours and his hands, your lips and...
“I’m okay. A little burnt out. Work has been busy because its summertime. High fashion and stuff, ya know?” You laughed, jabbing at a joke. Your eyes glinted when Calum tossed his head back and laughed.
“Yeah, I know, dont you see my high-end swim shorts?” He made a motion to show off his pants, and you admired him.
“Cute,” you replied. A beat of silence passed before your phone made a noise. You didnt touch it, knowing it was rude to do so, but your brows flicked up. “Oh! Have you matched with any other girls on Tinder? If you haven’t, I’m making it my mission to find you someone else.”
“How am I supposed to think about anyone else?” He blurted out suddenly.
You stopped smiling, blood freezing and your body turning stiffly. “What?”
“Uh,” Calum thought, wondering how he should go about this. “Theres a million little things I haven’t told you. I cant go on keeping them to myself. And pretending I want anyone else.”
You met his eyes and Calum felt the world melt away. Like a focused lens on a camera, he only saw you, your golden little halo. Your shocked expression.
“Cal,” you hesitated, “Aaron.”
“Is he the guy you want to hold you?” Calum whispered.
You visibly shivered, your heart beating out of your chest.
“It kills me thinking of you with him,” he paused, “you and i could have it good. I dont know him, but I know myself, and I know that I can love you so much better than he could.”
You shook your head, sweat pooling on your hands and the back of your neck. “No, Cal. Please. Dont make it hard.”
“It’s not hard unless you make it hard,” Calum spoke as soon as you began to stand.
“No, its not supposed to be hard. I want it to be easy for once,” you said.
Calum grabbed your hand, turning you back around, “It is. I know were so different, and I’m on the road all the time, and I’m fucked up because of people from my past. I know I smoke, and you help clean up cigarette butts in the park and I’m silent when I shouldn’t speak, but if you jump, Ill jump, too. C’mon, please?”
You finally met his eyes, feeling the rhythm of your heart steady. “I know its dramatic, but I’m just so afraid. So many guys have hurt me and made me feel ugly. I carry myself in a way that allows protection and routine. I hate the idea of some disturbance because disturbance has always meant hurt. Cal...i could love you. I think I’m very close to loving you, but i dont know if i can let myself.”
“I do love you, and I’m letting myself,” Calum stepped closer, tugging you to close the distance more. “Just let go.”
With silent permission, his hands slipped around your waist and your clutched his t-shirt. Your fists were tight, your lips stoic. Until you felt a lock pick inside your soul and you relaxed.
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warmau · 4 years
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royal au for han jisung?¿★
★ prince!au jisung | other skz aus 
“he’s joking right?”
hyunjin whispers to changbin, who simply shrugs his shoulders
keeping his hands politely behind his back as the crown prince of the country, han jisung, makes his way past the two from his table
“i mean, they can’t cook to save their life and yet - the prince! changbin, t h e p r i n c e, keeps coming back here like it’s the best dinner he’s ever had in his life!”
changbin elbows his fellow co-worker in the side as they bow and the prince waves a cordial goodbye to everyone else in the restaurant
you come out, towel on your shoulder and the same confused expression on your face as everyone elses
you............aren’t even the chef................yet this is the fourth time this month the prince has stopped by
and insisted, quite literally almost ordered, you be the one to prepare his food
the first time had been the weirdest - given that you had come over anxious to take the order of THE PRINCE
but upon seeing you, he’d chucked the menu to the side and pointed to you - asking you, A WAITER, to make him something good to eat
hyunjin is giving you a raised eyebrow and changbin checks to make sure the prince has left with his entourage of other royals and guards
before turning to you as well
“did you put a spell on him or something, be honest.”
“what? a spell? im not a witch changbin!”
the two boys shake their heads and you turn around when you hear the head chef call you back to the kitchen
bang chan doesn’t get it either - he’s tasted your cooking and well........
“i think the prince has an ulterior motive for coming by so often.”
he starts and hyunjin pokes his head through the door to add that obviously thats true, your food once gave him the worst case of-
you shoo him off and turn to chef chan
“im sorry, i didnt do anything i swear - i dont have any relationship to him i mean he’s the prince of our country and im just a waiter!”
judging by the bewildered look in your eyes, bang chan can tell you’re not lying
instead he puts a hand under his chin
“then what could be the reason - maybe he’s scoping you out for something?”
“like what?”
you start getting nervous, the pit of your stomach is twisting into a knot
am i wanted by the royal court? does the prince think im some kind of threat?
your mind shakes at the thought, you just don’t understand you’ve lived such an uneventful but truthful life why would-
“no, i dont think its anything like that maybe the prince just........”
the chef gets a glint in his eyes, but when you ask him to tell you what’s come to mind
he tells you to go help the others clean up for the night
as you’re washing dirty plates you sigh, remembering how handsome prince jisung had looked walking into the restaurant
how his eyes were so long and pretty, the color of sun birched wood
he had a smile that was even more striking in person, making the entirety of his face light up in a sort of playful, mischievous charm that made the whole room trip over their own feet
he had held your hand gently when he’d given you the check for the evening
had laughed when you tripped over your goodbyes
serving him your soup (which even you admitted wasn’t good at all) had nearly knocked the wind out of you - even though this was your fourth time doing it 
he just looked so poised and beautiful eating, actually he just looked perfect existing
well he’s the prince after all........
you almost jump out of your skin when changbin dunks his hands into the dish water beside you
“thinking about your boyfriend~”
he sings and you teeter to the side
“b- boy? are you insane!? he’s the prince he wouldn’t and couldn’t ever be my BOY-”
the next day, standing outside the restaurant 
is prince jisung
he’s wearing a casual pair of slacks, with a button down and a crown made of small pretty rubies on his golden hair
he greets you as you rush over for the start of your shift and you scurry to bow
but he stops you
“i have a proposal for you, how would you like to come and be my personal chef at the palace?”
from somewhere inside the restaurant you hear two very familiar shrieks of shock
your eyes go wide - wider than you ever thought they could - because this must be a dream
there’s no way your dingy soups made such an impact on someone so untouchable
so you do something unthinkable, because its a dream maybe this wont have any consequence, you push the prince gently into the restaurant
and shut the doors on the crowd of people who were outside
now - alone - you look up at him, who just beams down at you
seemingly over the moon about the fact that your hand is on his chest
you take it off and squeak out a long line of apologize and “my highness, i did not mean it. i would never put my dirty poor hands on you-”
when he takes your fingers and gently lifts them up to his lips
ok. this is a dream. no way is prince jisung kissing my hand. nope, i obviously am having a sleep deprived, amazing, so so so so real dream-
“im serious, id like you to come and work for me at the palace.”
“i - my prince, i cant. i cant even cook, im just a waiter and i know you said you liked my dishes but i assure you, someone of your taste and stature should not have to eat what i make really i think im not worthy of the -”
his eyes flutter close as he chuckles
“fine, fine. dont come as a chef then. come as something else.”
you furrow your eyebrows in confusion, tilting your head
“as something else?”
“come to the palace as my guest, but maybe if you like it you can stay as something else. whats the word commoners use these days, ah - my friend with benefit.”
you think your face hits 100 degrees at the words and you shake your head
“um - pr-prince jisung, did you mean - are you asking m- are you asking me out? i - i think you meant - i think you meant significant other -”
he snaps his fingers 
“ah yes, i can be your boyfriend if you decide to stay!”
you think you’re going to faint, you wobble a little and he uses the hand thats not still holding yours to steady you
“if im being honest, your soup is ......... not amazing. but i couldnt think of any other way to invite myself back here. so i thought id come around and eat your soups until you realized my interest in you.”
he stops and smiles and its really like basking in the sun
“my romantic interest in you, so what do you say?”
you open your mouth
you want to say words but you think youve overheated
the door to the kitchen opens, and out pile hyunjin, changbin and bang chan
the prince and you turn to them in surprise and hyunjin clears his throat
“prince jisung, allow me to answer on behalf of my friend and fellow waiter: they will MOST CERTAINLY take you as their boyfriend.”
you hiccup and changbin and chan try not to burst into laughter
as jisung turns to you and pulls you into his chest
“amazing! im honored!”
you bury your face into the his shirt - not sure which is more embarrassing pulling back and looking at your new (royal) boyfriend
or facing the three stooges to your left, who are having a ball at your expense
either way - when you finally do let yourself out from jisung’s hold you turn and ask
“but i dont have to make anymore soups right?”
prince jisung nods
“yes, no more soups. they were horrible, i like you a lot but they might be the only thing i dont like about you.”
you agree, and so does everyone else, that that’s fair.
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