#that one jurassic park scene still scares the shit out of me

[bankofwildflowers]

Disney I am BEGGING you to PLEASE fucking put light in your goddamn shows. I can't see this scene in FULL PHONE BRIGHTNESS. nobody the fuck is watching your stuff in dark movie theaters, so STOPPPP making it impossible tk watch and put a goddamn blue light or something to indicate night or whatever. You have a guy with goat legs walking around you can afford some freaking lights

[rarelyrad]

Guess what? You’ve died. Rumor has it that you were trampled by a pack of buffalos. Gruesome, I know.

You’re in heaven now, gods a nice being doesn’t hate anybody, etc. and they fucking love movies in heaven.

Films to Be Buried With questionnaire:

What was the first-ever film you saw, or remember seeing?

What was the film that scared you the most, and do you like being scared?

What was the film that made you cry the most, and are you a cryer?

What film is TERRIBLE but you love it?

What is the film you once loved but watching it recently you realise it’s terrible?

What is the film that means the most to you, not because of the film itself, but because of the memories, you have of it?

What is the sexiest film?

What’s a film that isn’t probably supposed to be sexy but you found yourself turned on by?

Which film do you most relate to?

Which film is objectively the greatest ever?

Which film is the one you’ve watched the most?

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?

What is the film that’s made you laugh out loud the most?

Who do you want to have a movie night with when you get there? (Famous people.)

What was the first-ever film you saw, or remember seeing?

Star Wars 2 (Attack of the Clones) people were dressed up as Jedis at the theater I saw it at, and 4 year old me, was awestruck. There were lightsabers

What was the film that scared you the most, and do you like being scared?

When I was little, I was terrified of “The Dark Crystal” and I still find it scary as an adult, like the scene when they’re beating up the other bird thing, and when the old bird is dying, and the fire, Jesus, I hate it.

What was the film that made you cry the most, and are you a cryer?

Ghost, with Patrick Swayze makes me sob every time I watch it. I’m not a crier, but that movie gets me in every way possible.

What film is TERRIBLE but you love it?

The Frighteners. Objectively, it’s pretty bad, the cgi is bad even if you remember it was the 90s, but I love Michael J Fox, he’s my hero, and I fucking love that movie.

What is the film you once loved but watching it recently you realise it’s terrible?

Not terrible in an objective sense, but the cgi in Toy Story did not hold up and I truly hope they remake it someday with modern animation abilities.

What is the film that means the most to you, not because of the film itself, but because of the memories, you have of it?

Dirty Dancing. When I was little, if I stayed home sick from school, it meant my mom and I watched dirty dancing and ate ice cream.

What is the sexiest film?

Ghost. I’m an artist, so that pottery scene, really gets me going.

What’s a film that isn’t probably supposed to be sexy but you found yourself turned on by?

Jurassic Park, for all the wrong fucking reasons.

Which film do you most relate to?

Midnight in Paris. It’s a shit movie, but it’s Owen Wilson, wandering around Paris and getting to go back in time to meet the great artists, Dali, and Picasso, and it’s just, like everything I wish was true.

Which film is objectively the greatest ever?

Back To The Future. I think it’s flawless, and it gives Spielberg vibes despite being a Zemekis, I fucking love it. Comedic timing is perfect, writing is great, and I think it’s one of the few that stands up without becoming offensive over the years.

Which film is the one you’ve watched the most?

Jurassic Park. It’s my comfort movie to be honest, I love the CGI, and I just think it’s beautiful, and I honestly kind of enjoy the dinosaur violence

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?

Napoleon Dynamite. I live in Utah so it’s a big deal here, but I hate it.

What is the film that’s made you laugh out loud the most?

We’re the Millers had me cackling on Sunday actually.

Who do you want to have a movie night with in heaven? (Famous people)

-Michael J Fox (alive currently, but by the time I actually die, I don’t think he will be. Sue me.)

-Freddie Mercury

-Robin Williams

[half-blood-goods]

Watching The Mummy Returns for the first time, enjoy the live commentary

Oh cool, immediately into battle again

Wait isn't the Scorpion King a movie

Y'all just started walking into the middle of the desert, what was the plan there

Not the evil Anubis bullshit please. I'm so tired of Underworld Gods portrayed as evil. My man was just doing his job.

Hello there handsome man

Oh god, why

Why is there a child 😭

Why are y'all back in tombs, last time wasn't enough?

Oh, dreams, gotcha

NOPE NOPE NOPE

Wrong place for tarantulas

None of the side characters will live till the end, especially not these 3 fuckers, I can already tell

Excuses moi? Whomst U ma'am?

Oh, a vision

Homegirl low-key acts like the entire last movie didn't even happen

Aaaand the certain doom box contains....

Oh cool, the bracelet

This scene single handedly contained more water than the entire last movie

Oh cool, we going back to last place

Diggin' a hole, diggin' a hole

Hey ma'am, why are you looking so good? Weren't you a mummy last time?

Where the fuck did you get both books?

Not the fucking scarabs again

What the fuck is that

Oh, it's Imhotep

✨ exposition✨

Why the FUCK would you put than on your hand you STUPID kid

MY MAN

Oh the Cleopatra treatment? Classic.

TATTOO GUY MY BELOVED

Damn girl, you weren't slacking these last years were you?

✨dramatic cape flip✨

Oh cool, we are saving the world again

Why would you leave a figurative child and a literal child alone in a car?

Ooohh it's a cult. Probably should've pick this up earlier

Oh that's a bit early for the mummies to show up

Sup Imhotep, how have you been?

Is this chick like a spiritual successor or something?

Perfect timing my dude

There's a lot more guns this time and I'm not sure if I like it

THEY JUST TOOK A BUS LMAO

Hope you have insurance on that car buddy

Damn these priests have been practicing

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE EYES

The opposite of Yeet the kid: Yoink the kid

You know I would appreciate some subtitles for these two

Nice to see a fellow monsterfucker

It's the fucking plague box again

Suddenly you learned English my dude?

See I told you, one fucker down, probably the other 2 too

This Izzy guy will never top old guy, no one will

In his defense, i would have also stabbed that kid's hand if he started the "Are we there yet" bullshit

Imhotep cleaned up good again, but his monster form is still hotter

I hate when they make the villains suddenly incompetent when they have to move on with the plot

I'm low-key confused on what's going on. Why were they fighting and why did they show up the bracelet

W h a t

Ooohhh he brought back his wife

Oh he's leaving context clues. Smart kid.

Wooooahhh. That's a LOT of people

✨water magic✨

Thank God the bird is okay

We goin' on a jungle tour

NOOO NOT THE BIRD I FUCKING JINXED IT

I do NOT like the shrunken heads, thank you very much

I'm getting strong "Don't go into the tall grass" ala Jurassic Park vibes

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I DON'T LIKE THESE FUCKING TINY-TIKI WANNABES

GET FUCKED, THIS IS FOR THE BIRD

TATTOO GUY NOOO

DON'T FUCKING SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN

That was lucky timing

HOLY FUCK

She's not dead is she? Like, she's gonna come back, right? RIGHT?

Did he just lost his magic?

You know all this scorpion stuff and they didn't even mention Serquet once, I'm kinda disappointed

This guy really isn't looking too stoked about his sister's death

Again, why am I more invested in the villain side's love story?

Oooh, I like the soldiers' design

It's rematch time

Coooool design for the Scorpion King

WAIT IS THAT THE FUCKING ROCK?!

HOLY SHIT THAT'S A LOT OF SOLDIERS

VICTORY

This was a long-ass climax

BETRAYAL

THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, BITCH

Oh god this wonky ass CGI is killing me

Oh hey, I forgot this guy existed

Peace out Tattoo Guy, i never learned your name but you're still the best

Well this movie was... something

Definitely worse than the first one. I felt like this has way too much action and the characters had way less breathing space. Plot was kinda all over the place. Still a solid movie, i guess a 6.5-7/10

All I know is that there's a 3rd one which is like, completely detours from these ones? Which is never a good sign honestly. THANK GOD THE CHILD WASN'T AWFUL. I was fearing that honestly from the minute i saw him, but he did a good job. Also is the Scorpion King movie related to this Scorpion King in this one or is it unrelated? I gotta check later.

[365days365movies]

May 9, 2021: A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) (Recap: Part One)

Welcome to the future.

At this point, we’ve mostly looked at the past, present, or the near-future (as in, the next ten years, if that). Additionally, we’ve looked either at nonexistent technology in a contemporary setting, or an extension of existing technology taken to a logical next step. But no more. No more realism, no more real-world rules, and nothing that we’re even close to in this reality.

Well...mostly.

That’s genuinely impressive, not gonna lie. Anyway, yeah, from here forwards (for a bit), we’ll be looking at the future and futuristic technology. Now, there are a couple of ways in which these films tend to go. The first big way that we tend to represent the future in film is the same way we always have: flying cars, futuristic technology, smart houses, and robots.

Now, there are countless examples of this future, and it always changes a bit depending on the present. Which, yeah, makes sense. After all, what I’m doing right now, at this moment, would’ve been seen by many people as a massive technological achievement, even around the time that I was born. Which, yes, I’m old, deal with it (because I can’t). Anyway, the way that this begins is with the first major filmed view of a seemingly idyllic future: Fritz Lang’s 1927 film Metropolis.

The overly mechanized (and politically dystopic) society seen in this film, as well as the visuals and technology, would inform our ideas of the future throughout the next century. Multiple themes and common objects reoccur throughout futuristic fiction. You know the stuff I’m talking about. Flying cars, automatic food machines, robotic assistants, video watches, holograms, jetpacks, so on and so forth.

But here’s the thing about the future. It’s always ahead of us, and eventually...well, we’ve gotten to most of those things to some degree. Either they already exist...

...or is currently being developed.

Well, one of them we’re still working on. And the development of more advanced AI is something we have yet to perfect, or even fully develop. However, the development of A.I. (and the consequences of that technology) are ALL OVER science fiction. Sometimes, they’re merely used for flavor to help establish the futuristic setting.

Sometimes, they’re characters with their own agency and conflicts, which may or may not define the plot. In these cases, they’re often simply there to back up the main human characters, and help with their development, and sometimes their own. You know, manic pixie dream robots.

And then, possibly most often, they’re the abject villains of the piece. they can be mysterious alien technology, like in The Day the Earth Stood Still, or a man-made danger that turns on the race that created and/or abused it.

But then, on occasion, an A.I. is given the chance to develop as a character, without being used to define the development of a human character. Sometimes, the question of what life truly means is raised through these characters, and we become attached to them outside of any other character. This isn’t nearly as common as the others, but it’s definitely not unheard of.

And for the record...things don’t often go well for those AIs. But still, some of those characters have quite a lasting impact. So, there’s quite a lot of potential for this type of character, from a dramatic standpoint. And that potential leads us to the guy who made this.

I WILL MAKE A JURASSIC PARK REFERENCE AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE

Steven Spielberg gives us today’s entry, and this director of a classic science fiction story about science gone awry teamed up with the director of a science fiction film where an artificial intelligence went awry. You know, this thing.

I didn’t forget about HAL. And I won’t forget about him later, either.

Director Stanley Kubrick is pretty well-know for his mind-bending films, especially The Shining and 2001: A Space Odyssey. But he also worked with Spielberg on this film before his death in 1999, as this was one of his dream projects for many years, and the two directors were well-known friends.

And so, eventually, Spielberg was given the reins from Kubrick, and results were...mixed. It’s funny, because I’ve never actually seen this movie, but I remember it through its surprisingly widespread ad campaign. I used to go to NYC as a kid a lot, and there was a massive building-side plastered with the iconic logo of this movie. So, I’ve been hovering around this movie for a long time. Enough navel-gazing!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (Part One)

It is, unsurprisingly, the future. A marrator informs us that climate change has caused the ice caps to melt, and global flooding drowns several countries. You could say that it’s a...Waterworld.

I genuinely considered watching that movie at some point, and then I decided I liked myself to much to watch 2 hours of Kevin Costner’s emotionless acting. Granted, it’s not much better now, listening to the emotionless acting of...

Professor Allen Hobby (William Hurt) is a straight-up sociopath. OK, technically, he’s a robotics engineer, but dude’s making a speech, right? He talks about how far robots have come, dissing my boi Deep Blue in the process, and notes that pain-memory response can also be demonstrated by robots. He proves this by stabbing a woman in his audience, like RIGHT through the hand. Jesus, man! Why the hell would you do that?

Oh. Holy shit, I got fooled. Advanced technology indeed. But OK, so Sheila’s a robot, and a very advanced one...to us. But Hobby wants more, and proposes to his workers to make a robot that can really TRULY love. And through love may come a true subconscious, which means making a robot that can dream. And what better robot to make than a robot child? After all, all child conception requires a license in this futuristic world, so many childless couples are yearning for a child.

Which is why, twenty months later, the first robot child is offered to Henry and Monica Swinton (Sam Robards and Frances O’Connor), a couple...with a child. Um. Guys. You JUST SAID that there are legit childless couples who need a child, and those people would be best suited to love that robot child back (a VERY GOOD question raised by one of Hobby’s subordinates). So why give it to a couple whose son is still alive? Yeah, he’s got a rare disease that they don’t have a cure for yet, and is currently in cryostasis, BUT THEY HAVE A KID! Surely, that’s going to be a potential emotional conflict! And what if the kid wakes up or some shit? This is a TERRIBLE goddamn idea. Think this shit through, guys.

And yet...

This is David (Haley Joel Osment), Cybertronics’ first child robot, brought home by Henry to essentially replace their son. Which is AMAZINGLY FUCKING TONE-DEAF AND INSANE, GODDAMN. That’s extraordinarily messed up. And, for the record, I totally get what Spielberg’s going for, but Jesus Christ, man. This was a terrible way to go about this. And it gets fucking WORSE.

See, Henry (who actually works for Cybertronics) tells Monica that, once they sign the papers and complete the updates, David will imprint on them and see him as their true parents, loving them unconditionally. Which...yeah, fuck, that’s an entire DUMP TRUCK of ethics issues right there. And, while we’re at it, David is...creepy as shit. I mean it, dude, Haley Joel Osment is a VERY good child actor, but he’s laying on the creepy robot child thing THICK. And yeah, this is BEFORE he imprints on them. Jesus fuck, man, there’s a scene where the still uncomfortable Monica is outside of a glass door, and he looks back at her THROUGH THE DOOR like a goddamn SERIAL KILLER.

And I gotta tell ya, dude does not lay off that creepy-ass dial one iota. And for that matter, the music by John Williams ISN’T FUCKING HELPING. LISTEN to this shit, and imagine a robot child that you don’t know wandering around your house. It’s amazingly fucking creepy.

AND IT JUST. KEEPS. GETTING. WORSE. There’s a scene where they’re all at dinner, right, and David’s just staring at them as they eat, mimicking their actions. After all, he’s a robot, he can’t actually eat or drink anything because of his internal working. And then, out of FUCKING NOWHERE, he starts laughing like the FUCKING JOKER, and it scares the EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF ME. And somehow, they laugh alongside him, in the never-ending Stockholm syndrome that is this movie! And as soon as its over, he just STOPS laughing, spontaneously. Fuck me, man, I’m tempted to stop watching here and now, and I’m only TWENTY MINUTES IN! I need a fucking break.

And after that...OF COURSE she decides to activate his imprinting protocols to make him, let me remind you, LOVE HIM FOREVER! She reads out a series of words, and after “FREIGHT CAR”, he knows his mission is to kill the Prime Minister of Sokovia. But first, he’ll settle down and love Monica unconditionally (again, FOREVER), calling her Mommy and making me shit my pants in fear. IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS FUCKING DAVID

Oh, and by the way, isn’t it kinda shitty to do that without Henry being involved AT ALL? Like, cool, he has unconditional maternal love, but Henry wasn’t a part of that conditioning at all! And he still refers to him as “Henry” instead of Dad! However, Henry definitely doesn’t care about that, because he still sees David as only a robot. Hey, guys, maybe using these two as your first experiment with a robot child WAS A TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA, YOU IDIOTS! No wonder William Hurt was cast as Thunderbolt Ross in the MCU. Already shown he can play a character with shitty ideas before.

Anyway, after this terrible series of events, David prevents the parents from leaving one night due to his childlike antics. When Monica goes to comfort him, he asks how long she’ll live, and tells her that he hope she never dies, a COMPLETELY NORMAL THING TO SAY. Look, I get that he’s a robot, but only a goddamn emotionless sociopath would program emotional responses like this into a robot. Which, given what we’ve seen of Hobby, makes sense.

In response, she gives him Teddy (Jack Angel), a technologically advanced teddy bear with sentience, a personality, and the voice of Astrotrain from The Transformers TV series. Because, yes, I am THAT MUCH of a goddamn nerd.

Soon after, the house gets a phone call, which David receives...literally. He takes the phone and allows it to speak through him. It turns out that, shock beyond shocks, THEIR SON IS CURED! Yeah, fuck. Maybe giving David to a family with a STILL LIVING SON is a fucking ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE IDEA, for about a thousand reasons.

And, fucking understandably, Martin Swinton (Jake Thomas) is a little upset to find out that he’s essentially been replaced by a robot kid. Although, to be fair, he’s also kind of a dick to David, holding his humanity over him and treating him as a toy that he attempts to manipulate and bully. My Lord, this is a massively stupid idea. And Martin immediately shows his dickishness by asking his mother to read Carlo Collodi’s The Adventures of Pinocchio to them. Which is meant to be a punishment for Pinocchio. However, of course, David loves it.

Still, however, there’s trouble in paradise for David, as he tries to compete with Martin for being a real boy, and eats spinach at dinner one evening. Despite Teddy’s mildly ominous warning to him (”YOU WILL BREAK”), he keeps eating until he basically has a stroke and breaks, forcing him to be repaired by some of Cybertronics’ technicians. Monica has a bit of a break down as a result, which Martin notices. This causes Martin to go pure supervillain, manipulating David to do creepy things in order to insert doubt into Monica about David. Jesus, Martin’s a creepy kid, too. No wonder Monica grew to be cool with David, her actual son is a FUCKING SOCIOPATHIC MONSTER! Are there ANY truly normal people in this world? IS THIS WHAT THE FUTURE IS?

Martin convinces David to cut a lock of Monica’s hair while she’s sleeping. And lemme tell ya, a little boy holding scissors over someone while they sleep is not exactly comforting. Henry agrees, and after stopping him, believes that they need to return him. Monica disagrees, knowing that they’ll destroy him if brought back. But David, ever the semi-sociopath himself, ignores any signs of humanity in David and dismisses Monica's feelings for him entirely. He also says this thing about “IF HE CAN BE PROGRAMMED TO LOVE, CAN NOT HE BE PROGRAMM-ED TO HATE?”, which...no. No, he cannot. He didn’t learn to love, he was programmed to. And, again, that’s ethically FUCKED, but taking that into account...no. HE WASN’T PROGRAMMED TO HATE, HENRY. Goddamn, buddy, use your head here.

It’s Martin’s birthday, and his friends at the pool party expose David to the fun world of anti-robot (or Mecha) racism, and test to see if he has Damage Avoidance Systems by threatening him with a knife. And he does. Buuut, when those systems kick in, he goes to the nearest point of safety to keep himself safe. That point is, unfortunately, Martin, whom he gets behind...and accidentally drags into the pool.

Thing is, because of Martin’s recent illness, he can’t exactly swim, meaning that David almost drowns him. When Henry and other partygoers go to save him, they abandon David in the pool completely. And now, David’s fucked. Because although this situation isn’t even a little bit his fault, he also just nearly killed Martin. And so, after seeing notes that he’s been writing to her, Monica offers to take for a “ride in the country”. Which definitely means something good. In reality, she’s planning on taking him back to Cybertronics. But once in the car, there’s a change in plans. And hear me out...it’s arguably far more horrifying.

She decides to abandon him in the woods completely, despite how hard it is for her to leave him. She’s sparing him from death, sure, but also throwing him into a world he doesn’t understand, and for reasons that he doesn’t understand. It’s genuinely terrible. And then...yeah, she leaves him forever, to an uncertain future.

End Act One.

I think this is a good place to stop. It’s early, and I need more coffee to handle this shit. See you in Part Two. Of Three. Yup. It’s a long one.

[buddietomytarlos]

Season 5 Episode 2 Thoughts *Spoilers*

Thoughts under cut to keep tag clean :)

- Still wondering how he was like a few feet from the middle of the landing pad and couldn’t just slowly go down from where he was but anyways

- Eddie almost being fucking launched out of the helicopter Jesus three mins in and already scaring the fuck outta me.

- Manny is a cutie 🥺🥺 Poor guy’s been a paramedic for a MONTH. Him thinking about their transplant heart while they’re saving him you just know he’s a good soul. Then again he should be since he’s a paramedic.

- Oh so this is why Cap is dangling by a thread, he goes back to get the heart 🥺 I love that but wouldn’t it have been easier to have Eddie do that considering he was JUST right there two seconds prior?? Whatever he still gets it and it’s a great scene.

- Buck’s expression when he thinks he’s going to lose his second father FUCK

- GOD A POWER OUTAGE GOING ON FIVE DAYS DURING A HEAT WAVE FUCK THAT I WOULD NOT SURVIVE

- “just a few neighbors” LMAO DON’T EAT THE STEAKS AS HE HAS THEM IN HIS HANDS FDASHKFADS I love that trope

- Also David and Michael scenes we love to see it

- I mean smart to charge people but Micheal’s right… in a time like that, helping people without expecting payment is what’s best

- LOU SURVIVED? DAMN. What a G

- ATHENA KNOWING EXACTY WHAT WENT DOWN MUAHHHH we love a smart queen

- GIVE ME A CHARGER OR UNCLE BUCK WILL NEVER SEE HIS NIECE AGAIN ASDFGHJKL; “Never give Buck a clipboard"

- Christopher <3 Buck and Chris’s hug BYE

- THIS AWKWARD SCENE I’M SCREAMING and Buck’s face noticing Eddie’s reaction PRICELESS. Also Christopher saying “not yet” about Ana being Eddie’s wife 😭😭

- “You’re gonna wanna see this” cliché

- She’s surprised that Athena knows him… this man attacked her—But her using the other victims as bait and she’s not going to tell them 😭😭

- “HE TAKES CHRIS THERE ALL THE TIME (zoo)” NO BUT I STARTED A DRABBLE OF THE THREE OF THEM GOING TO THE ZOO WHERE SOME SHIT HAPPENS WAIT OMG lol but Buck being afraid of going to the zoo with al the animals out asdfghjkl

- OH FUCK HIS LEG NO THANKSSSS the poison in the eyes reminds me of Jurassic Park “the animal makes a move… control it” hfaskjdf FUCKING BUCK WITH HIS AX PLSSSS

- HIS EAR. An alpaca asdfghjkl; rip “CLEVER GIRL” OMG WAIT THAT WAS A JURASSIC PARK REFERENCE, THE ENTIRE SCENE WAS—

- buddie to Cap about the alpaca lmao

- Poor kid on a trach </3 I had to take care of my mom who had one and it was tough af… God I was petrified if I ever had to use that bag… thankfully I never had to.

- OMG MAY WHAT A SMART IDEA?! Also a whole neighborhood working together 🥺 we love these humanity moments GOD I’D FUCKING SOB

- “You don’t give up, do you?” NO BC HE LOVES YOU DUMBASS

- “What triggered it” mmmmhmmmmmm yes what OH WAIT HE DIRECTLY SAID IT WAS ANA. “Stick it out… that’s not the way you talk to someone you love.” Buck is so good with advice 🥺🥺

- Chim opening up to Hen about Maddie 🥺😭

- Why does this give me parent who drowns their baby- OH THAT’S WHY- God poor Maddie

- Cap all you had to say was “oh my!” at the end PLEASE it would have finished out the reference perfectly

- Lou sobbing as he sees Athena 🥺😭 Like not to ruin the moment but me and Cap too dude

- “WHAT ABOUT YOUR HOUSE” FUCK and the way he had to speak to her even though he shouldn’t broooo

- Get away from Harry! But also wouldn’t Harry know what the guy who hurt his mom would look like??

- OH GOD THIS IS A LOT LIKE ATHENA’S NIGHTMARE 😭😭

- ATHENA SUDDENLY REALIZING TTHAT HARRY ISN’T THERE 😭

- Harry your mother is a police officer don’t you know to kick out the headlight? 😭😭😭

- Nah they don’t have the guts to kill Harry……….. right? RIGHT?

[anemonenemerosa]

Omg if you’re taking requests for coops, maybe sirius showing up with a huge bouquet of roses and remus and the team not being able to handle it, or the team trying to stealthily follow them on their first date by like hiding behind pillars and having code names lol. oR sirius asking for the teams help to do something for remus. hope one of these peaks your interest!

Dear Anon,

you have not been forgotten! I just needed a moment to come up with something.

Abort Mission!

He would rather eat a skate than admitting that he's a total sap and yet, here we are.

Remus was lying on a blanket in the middle of a wildflower meadow at the edge of lolligo-lake in the park, surrounded by candles, his head on his boyfrieds lap while being fed strawberries by said boyfried.

He absolutely loved it! And even more, he loved that Sirius obviously loved it. His dopey smile hadn’t left his face since he removed Remus' blindfold on the blanket.  

Little did Remus know that in the nearby shrubbery, a certain Russian tried to not freak-out as a little spider slowly roped down in front of his face.

"Kuny be quiet! They will hear us!" Nado was on edge.

"NADO is spider, might bite us, might be ve- veno... Might be bad!" Kuny whisper-yelled while leaning as far away as possible without leaving the greenery.

"You are 6'4'' Russian terror on legs! Stop getting spooked by a tiny spider."

"But spider..."

"There are no venomous spiders in Gryffindor. Keep calm, love." Nado patted the head of his, secretly very soft and sensitive, flatmate in a calming way.

Nados phone lit up with a message.

 WHAT THEY HELL ARE THE DISASTER TWINS DOING?! THEY WILL BE SEEN! – The coolest Team

Who? – Voice of reason?

Kuny and Nado. – The coolest Team

This night will be over before I have learned that. – Voice of Reason

 On the other side of the completely undisturbed and definitely not spied on couple, Kasey and James were laying flat on the ground between the high grass, binoculars rised.

"See anyone snooping on our precious lovebirds, Kase?"

"You mean except us?"

"Oi! We're not snooping, we protect them. With love. No one dare interrupting my lovesick puppies. I will take them all down before they even come close!!"

"Endearing, Pots. I think I already have like nine ticks at my- Hell no!" Kasey dropped his binoculars and started frantically tapping on his phone.

 I think they have spotted the Voice of Reason! Abort approach! – The coolest Team

Who? – Voice of Reason

YOU! Stir the boat away from the shore before they can make out your faces! – Disaster Twins

Whose idea was it with the stupid code names anyway? – Voice of Reason

Oh, Shut up Dumo, they're brilliant! – The coolest Team

No. No, they're not. – Lovebirds

It's Talker here and they are brilliant! – Voice of Reason

NO! Do not betray me! – Voice of Reason

Nicknames is fun. Not have much fun here! Spider try kill us! – Disaster Twins

Oh, hell xD – Lovebirds

 "Oh my god, this is gold!" Leo sniggered and leaned out of the giant hammock they've installed the day prior in the crown of a large weeping willow, directly above Remus and Sirius.

He and his two boys were scheduled to keep an overview of proceedings and who would say no to a night out in a hammock with the hottest guys of the NHL, which just so happened to be his boyfriends? Even if the occasion was absolutely ludicrous, he was in.

"But the codenames are bad." Logan put his binoculars down to rub at his eyes.

"Well, Pots came up with them, what did you expect?"

"True." Logan yawned and carefully rolled over to bury his face in Finns chest.

"It's funny in Potty's flat and stupid sense of humour. I Mean Lovebirds. Us. In the tree. In a Hammock that resembles a nest. Not subtle but entertaining."

"Shut up Fish." The other two groaned in unison.

"What is that?" Leo sat up, making grabby hands for Logan's spy glasses.

"What?" Finn peaked up, too.

"Over there, near Kuny and Nado"

"You mean the disaster twins?"

"Finn you're sleeping in your own bed tonight." Leo was getting a little irritated with these stupid, overcomplicating names. Potter!

"Ok."

"Alone."

"NOOOOOOO!" Finn was a man! He would never whine! But he did.

"Then shut up, there are people coming! Logan, send an alert."

 Hey, Nado there is a group of teenage girls approaching! – Lovebirds

Oh no. And it’s Disaster Twins. – The coolest team

 And sure, when Nado turned around there was a gaggle of gushing girls ducking a few feet away in the same bushes, peaking out to get a glimpse at the unsuspecting couple in the meadow. Nado tried to stand very still while also looking intimidating wnough to scare the girly away. If I don't move, they won't see me. Just like in Jurassic Park.

"Nado."

"Nado."

"Nado."

"WHat?" This time, it was the addressee's turn to whisper-yell.

"I'm think is too much same." Kuny quietly fidgeted with his hands.

"What?"

"They and we. Should feel bad for snooping on cap. We just like girls."

"Kuny, we do not snoop. We protect!"

"Sure?"

"...no." Nado, veeery slowly, turned to his phone.

 Hey guys, you think we've taken this too far? -Disaster Twins

Why, what would ever make you think that? - Lovebirds

WE. NEED. TO. PROTECT. – The coolest Team

And who is gonna protect them from you? Or... us? – The voice of Reason

OH SHIT! One of the girls in the shrubbery is Adele!!!! – Disaster Twins

Has she seen you? – Voice of Reason

ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSON! – The coolest Team

My end is near. Farewell, friends. It was tolerable knowing you. – Voice of Reason

RIP Dumo. - Lovebirds

 After watching the others flee the scene, more or less stealthily, Leo turned to Finn and Logan.

"Think we're we done now?"

"Seems like it." Finn just shrugged.

"Then let's go home."

"We can't." Logan stopped mid getting up and looked at Leo.

"Why?"

"Caps and Loops cannot not notice us climbing down the tree directly besides them. And so far, I think we might be the safest of them all."

"Right." Logan plopped down again.

"Well... We have blankets, it's a mild night with a clear sky..." Finn just noticed airily. And continued with a little smile while his boys were following along with interest.

"We're together..."

"Rather romantic up here isn't it, with the branches like curtains..." Leo continued with bright eyes.

"Might make the best out of it?" Logan patted suggestively at his side.

"YES!!!" Leo exclaimed in a very quiet whoop and flung himself between the others.

  Little did Remus know... Or, did he?

  Three days earlier...

  Remus created HELP!

 Re added Lils to the group-chat.

Re added Nat to the group-chat.

 Sweetie, what's the matter? - Nat

Sirius and I will have our first official date in three days. - Re

Yes, baby! - Nat

Whoooo! - Lils

What do you need? - Lils

They are up to something. - Re

Who? - Nat

Potts and Kase. - Re

What do you mean? - Nat

Yes, they are. - Lils

What do you know lils? - Re

James is too excited. Somethings Fishy. - Lils

You think Finn is in there, too? - Re

xD - Nat

Not what I meant, but most likely. Yeah. - Lils

But why? - Nat

I don't know. - Lils

Hey, let's add Celeste. She can read Dumo like a book and if Finn is involved, Logan is, too. - Nat

...And then Dumo knows... and then Celeste knows. - Lils

Correct! - Nat

 Remus added Celeste to the group-chat

 Bonsoir messieurs dames! What is the occasion? - Celeste

Remus and Sirius are going to have a date and some of the other idiots are up to something, you know something? - Lils

HEY! - Re

You are not an idiot, love but you boyfried.... -Lils

... Fair. - Re

Ohhhh, that is happening. Pascal is very excited! Je suis content pour toi, Remus. - Celeste

Thank you, Celeste <3 But do you know whether they are planning some nerve-racking stuff to destroy my moment? - Re

I will not let that happen! - Celeste

Leave it to us, sweetie, we're gonna stop them. - Nat

Oh, I don't want them to stop. - Re

Really? - Lils

I want them to regret. - Re

LOVE IT! - Nat

YES! I'm in. - Lils

Absulemont. - Celeste

I love you all. - Re

  Two hours before the date...

  Everything is ready. – Nat

Thank you!!! – Re

You get an update after your date. - Lils

Adele is ready and wants you to know that she got it. Now go and don't worry ma chérie. - Celeste

Alright :D Love you! - Re

  The morning after the date...

 When Kuny and Noda arrived at the locker room, about five minutes late, they were in for a shock. Every stall of the 'Mission protect- squad' was plastered with photographs of them spying. The guys that politely declined any involvement were chirping them badly for being that bad in secrecy.

They would probably never hear the end of it.

 Although, no pictures of O'Knutzy were taken during the mission, there were indeed pictures of them setting up the hammock.

Sirius and Remus were nowhere to be seen... the quiet was freaking them more out than any yelling ever could.

And then, it came down on them. Cap and Loops were already waiting on the ice with snacks for the team and death-drills for the assholes.

 "We'll never do that again!"

"Snooping on our Cap and PT? No, they are too much of a powerful combination."

"But how did they get all the photos?"

"Adele." Dumos face was crestfallen.

"But that means-" Nado piqued up while rubbing his sore ass.

"Celeste." Dumo nodded. 

"Oh, hell." Leo muttered while he and Finn dragged an almost passed-out Logan along. If his exclamation concerned that or the evil genius of Dumo's wife, no one knew.

"Probably Lily and Natalie, too." James and Kasey were leaning against each other.

"No chance. Too smart." Kuny shook his head while he softly kneaded Nados shoulders.

"Caps and Loops are gonna pay for that mean trickery." The desperation on Dumo's face was replaced with utter determination.

"I've pranked people before they were even out of their diapers! With my own wife, nontheless! Je n'accepterai pas la défaite!"

 "What have we done...."

 I really hope you like it!

Writing it was a lot of fun. I would never laugh at my own jokes.

As always stay safe and channel your inner Hufflepuff <3

[thegeekyzoologist]

My opinion on Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous (SPOILERS)

Like many people interested in the Jurassic franchise, I binge-watched that show back in september and here are my thoughts.  First of all, I precise that I had no expectations for the series as the combo Jurassic World + kid show didn’t attracted me at all, and the trailers have done nothing but confirm my fears.

Let’s start by the positive: - Amidst the cringefest that the first episodes were, the scenes with Darius back home stand out from the rest by their quality as they are centred more on drama and character development and not on clumsy comedy like the scenes on Nublar. The idea of getting an access to Jurassic World and Camp Cretaceous as a reward for beating that virtual reality game reminded me the recruitment of Eli Wallace by the SGC at the very beginning of Stargate Universe. - Starting from the beginning of the season’s second half, the series gets better and a little more mature in its unfolding and writing, up to the point where it doesn’t seem targeted for young children but rather young teens. Some dumb scenes remain however (like the one of the geneticist Eddie, abandoned in the lab with the sole company of his birthday cake). - There is a few action and suspenseful scenes that aren’t bad in the second half with, among other things, a hide-and-seek game with the Indominus amidst the containers, a part in the tunnels that can remind some people of Telltale’s game, a monorail attack by the pteranodons which should have deserved a live-action treatment, and a climax in a storage area where the protagonists have to use their wits in order to defeat the carnotaur and escape from the underground network. On the matter of the carnotaur, one can note a nice paleontological reference with its difficulty to turn when it is chasing prey. - Of all of the characters, Roxie is the most realistic, responsible and reasonable one (and the only tolerable one in the first episodes). And let’s bring now the negative aspects: - On the matter of the original soundtrack, I don’t remember any of the original themes sadly. As I had the same problem when I viewed The Witcher though (I didn’t liked its first season but I rather well appreciated its soundtrack following a separated listening), I will wait for the release of the soundtrack before criticizing it further. - The first episodes are a total farce with a succession of all kinds of nonsenses with the bunch of stereotypical buffoons that the kids are that are involved in stupid acts by the night of their first day, acts that fall under Reversed Darwinism (the survival of the most idiotic like Grant would say in Jurassic Park 3) and that gave me the desire to give some slaps and send those Kennys to a firing squad (for the crimes of property destruction and, above all, endangering dinosaurs and employees); the infringements during the activities of hygiene and security rules that are applied in many theme parks and laboratories around the world (with the kids wandering around in the lab and touching to everything in a total dissidence; running down a zipline and brushing past brachiosaurs...); the counsellor Dave which talks to Wu like if he was an old pal of his while Wu is one of the highest corporate executive around and someone famous and respected in-universe; Wu being depicted with the subtlety of a fat beer-drunk sea lion (with his mannerisms and attitude worthy of a James Bond villain, we know right away that he is bad); cartoony action scenes (I mean bloody hell. Look at that Parasaurolophus that jumps off the jeep’s roof like he was a fookin’ kangaroo while the jeep itself wasn’t miraculously crushed under the hadrosaur’s weight); the employees and the park’s security being shitty (one enter so easily in the underground network that Biosyn could organise rave parties there right under InGen’s nose; Darius and Kenji being left with no supervision in the middle of the jungle while they are supposed to shovel shit as a punishment); the dinosaurs that passes too as incompetent for failing to kill the kids while such situations in real-life or in the first films would have unforgiving or barely forgiving but only at a certain cost. - Despite the ordeals they are going through, the kids seems to be never traumatised or at least shaken like the Murphys, Kelly Malcolm or Maisie were respectively in JP, TLW and FK since here, they seems to be in shock for a moment or two before starting again to squabble or quipping once they are away from danger. - At the end of the monorail attack scene, I thought that the writers had the balls to kill off Ben  and I would have tipped my hat to this narrative decision and give more credit to this kid show if we didn’t had the reveal at the end that he was still alive. At the end, we just got another Billy Brennan situation. - Bumby is useless in this season, aside from encouraging toy sales and being the show’s cute caution and still, it’s relative as her closeups along with Brooklynn’s rapy face in episode 2 have scared me more than the predators’ attacks in the season’s second half. And her growth rate is so fucked up as she hatch in episode 2 before reappearing in episode 5 I think which is supposed to be set two days later, where she is already the size of a bulldog. And the scene where she cries while the kids are being kicked off the lab (for understandable reasons) is so ridiculous... - Aside from in the action and suspenseful scenes mentioned above in the positive aspects, the use and depicting of dinosaurs is either anecdotal, either WTF with the Sinoceratops being almost as gentle as a lamb (try to do with a hippo or a rhino what the Kennys did with the sino, I wouldn’t mind some funny antics...). I’m not a fan of the bioluminescent Parasaurolophus and their scene either. It seems like they wanted to copy the Na’vi River Journey’s attraction from Animal Kingdom in Orlando, with semi-aquatic parasaurs worthy of some outdated depictions from the last century.   - Visually speaking, the universe and the artistic direction are poor. The jungle has the same look everywhere on the island (with trees of average height being relatively spaced from one another while the ground is covered with grass) and its scenery never seem foreboding or ominous while Isla Nublar and Isla Sorna were, in some way, entire characters in the films that sometimes aroused an eerie sense of mystery and danger, at east in the original trilogy and Fallen Kingdom. The park itself is quite empty too, even before the evacuation. There is only scene with a large amount of people and the latter seems to all share the same model and the same animation in addition of being blurred (probably as a camouflage for the lack of budget) and we don’t believe in this world as nothing grand comes out of the visited locations (aside from maybe the eponymous Camp Cretaceous) and that everything seems so bland, with even the employees being of the same corpulence, age group and behaviour except for a few exceptions. - Finally, let’s discuss about the coherence with the Jurassic World film, of which this show is supposed be a canon interquel. Even though if there is several nods to some of the latter’s events (Masrani’s helicopter is seen a couple of times; the Kennys take the ACU’s van; they walk past Zach and Gray’s destroyed gyrosphere and the killed ankylosaur’s body...)  as well as other materials of the franchise, including JP3 and Masrani Global website, like if the show wanted to tell us “Hey look! I did my homework!” in order to please the fans. It’s one thing to make references to the rest of the saga and it’s easy actually, but it’s another to use them for something else than just fan-service. Despite all this, Camp Cretaceous has its share of inconsistencies with Jurassic World. I won’t list them all since it wouldn’t be that interesting but among other things, we have the mention of fences falling apart across the entire island while nothing like this happened in JW (it seems they mixed up the JP and JW incidents) or at least not on this scale; the kids visit a lab somewhere north of the park whose existence seems a bit off as the Innovation Center’s lab can do everything that lab does, in addition of housing Wu’s secret lab; the surroundings of the mosasaur lagoon which seems empty by the end of the afternoon while chronologically speaking, the scene is supposed to happen just after the pterosaurs attack (and thus the area should be crawling with employees that are looking for eventual late visitors, or the still running security cameras could have spotted the kids) and why did those foolish Kennys didn’t thought of going to the nearby hotels right after the ordeal with the mosasaur instead of hanging around in the bleachers up until sunset, hotels where a large number of visitors are supposed to be found up until quite late in the night according to the Jurassic World film? Anyway, Camp Cretaceous might have got a kick up the backside halfway through and the quality of the episodes did increased little by little but the whole season stays nevertheless mediocre and the viewing of the series is honestly quite dispensable, especially if you were disappointed by the Jurassic World films. Some will probably tell me that I’m being too hard with a kids show but actually, the fact that it is targeted for kids is no excuse for some flaws like a lack of ambition in the artistic direction, the shitty humour or the wtf scenes. Whether a work is for adults, for all audiences, or for kids, the creative investment and the work quality should stay the same.

[thesvenqueen]

Jurassic Park

Rating: T (may change, who knows) Words: 2297 Pairing: Kristanna Summary: Kristoff. Anna. Dinosaurs. And babies? Oh my... (a.k.a. an excuse for a fic about Kristoff being unsure about wanting kids hidden within a Jurassic Park AU because adventure, grumpy Kristoff and, you know, DINOSAURS!)

Note: shout out to @feistypaants for helping me get this thing started after the KA discord decided I should and will be writing this lol love you and all y’all <3 let us all pray I can keep up with this better than I did Mummy. Also, this is just going to be little snit bits of certain scenes from the film and not, you know, the ENTIRE movie cause that would be INSANE. 

{Chapter 1}

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Anna chuckled.

Kristoff looked back at her, pulling his sunglasses down to eye her, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Anna rolled her eyes, “If you really wanted to scare the kid, you could’ve just pulled a gun on him.”

Kristoff pushed his sunglasses back up, continuing the hike back up to the base. “Whatever.”

Truly, Kristoff didn’t mean to scare the kid. He had wanted to educate him on just how stupid the little shit had sounded. Had he gone a bit dramatic in his explanation? Maybe. Did he have to use the claw they’d found? No, it wasn’t completely necessary. 

Did he have to tell the kid that he would be alive when the raptors would start to eat him? He most definitely could’ve left that part out.

But he would be lying if the scared look on the kids face hadn’t been satisfying. What the kid gets for being disrespectful. 

“What is with you and kids, huh?” Anna asked as she caught up to him and looped her arm through his. 

“They’re just... they’re noisy, they’re messy...they’re expensive.” Kristoff said, “They smell.”

“Kristoff, they don’t smell.”

“They do too.”

“Do not.”

“Name me one kid that didn’t smell.”

Kristoff looked down just in time to catch her rolling her eyes, “Same could be said about you, ya know? You don’t smell great either.”

“I smell fantastic & pine fresh, thank you very much.”

“Yeah, keep lying to yourself.”

Kristoff chuckled, reaching his other arm across to grab her hand and squeeze, “You...you really want to have one of those?”

He didn’t have to ask to know the answer. Kristoff knew full well that Anna wanted kids, and had known since they started dating. They hadn’t talked much about it really, only little side comments here and there, but the idea was still there.

“I don’t want that kid,” Anna said, “But I wouldn’t mind some little Kristoff’s running around here making a ruckus.”

Kristoff smirked, “You don’t think one of me is enough?”

“Oh one of you is plenty, you’re enough of a pain in the ass as it is.” Anna giggled as he bumped her hip, “But...having a baby, your baby, I just…”

Kristoff looked back down at her as she bit her lip. “I know.”

“Have you never thought about it?”

Kristoff sighed, he didn’t expect to be having this conversation here of all places. “To be honest, no. I never really, I don’t know, thought I’d make it that far with someone…” He said, as he idly ran his finger across her wedding band, “I never saw it as a possibility so I just...never gave it much thought.”

Which was true. Before Anna, relationships were not his forte to say the least. It wasn’t until Anna tumbled into his life that he even began to understand what a relationship truly was, what it could possibly hold. Looking back at it now, he’d never in his life would’ve thought that he’d be married to such an amazing, kind, bubbly woman such as Anna. Let alone potentially having kids. 

“And now?” Anna said, pulling them to a halt, intertwining their hands together “Do you...do you see that with me Kristoff?”

He looked down at her, taking his sunglasses off so he could really see her. 

Yes. God yes, he could easily imagine her holding their little boy or girl. Could see her running about chasing after their baby as it toddled around. Could see her smiling her biggest smile as she cradled their little one close to her chest. 

He could see her there, but him? That he wasn’t sure. As with dating, he’d always seen himself too much of a grump and too just...him to even get anywhere with anyone. 

But Anna had changed that, had seen the good, soft guy that he was behind the gruff. Had brought it out of him and made him into a better person; made him into a believer of love. 

There was that underlying fear though that also came with the idea. Would he really, truly be a great dad? He knew little of his real father, but what he did know was not the type of father he wanted to be. He wanted to be like Cliff, his adoptive dad but even then the standards were far too high. He could never be like him.

But what if he could? 

Before Anna he’d never thought he’d make it here, and yet here he stood. A married man to the most beautiful woman that loved him with all she had. 

So maybe, just maybe, he could get there too. With some help but, it could be possible.

Before he could answer, he eyed over her head at the sound of an engine overhead

“What the hell?”

It was a helicopter, one flying right to their dig site. Which equaled absolute disaster for their project, one they had only just begun.

They both took off down the hill back to the site, Kristoff being aware of the helicopter coming closer. As it descended, dust and debris started to fly everywhere around the site. Tarps flapped in the air, students scrambled to take cover. 

“Cover the sites!” Anna yelled, running towards a group of students struggling with a nearby tarp. 

“Quickly guys!” Kristoff called, grabbing hold of a nearby tarp and passing it along to a student. “Cover them up, we don’t want them getting damaged!” 

Any other time, this wouldn’t be a problem. But here, on a site filled with delicate fossils that could break with ease, this was the worst thing they could ask for. The added factor that they had just unearthed another fossilized skeleton made the stakes that much higher.

Passing off the last tarp, looking around to make sure the sites were covered, Kristoff turned to see that the helicopter had landed. He barreled towards it, fists clenched as he approached, 

“Shut that shit off!” He yelled, motioning to the pilot. The pilot looked at him, completely confused and just pointed away from the vehicle as Kristoff came right up to the glass. “I don’t care, shut that shit off now!” He yelled again, and again the pilot pointed, saying something that Kristoff couldn't hear. 

He turned to see where the pilot had been pointing, just in time to see the door to his trailer close.

The hell?

He growled as he stormed off to the trailer, ignoring the confused stares from his students. Whoever this idiot was had some nerve to show up to a dig site, in a helicopter no less, risking disturbing the sites and damaging the fossils and barging into his and Anna’s trailer.

Kristoff yanked open the door, not caring that it slammed into the wall as he did so. He stepped inside, anger only building as he looked for the person who nearly ruined their entire exploration and spying them in their fridge.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing in here?!” 

The man turned, a look of surprise and somewhat glee written on his face. The man was much older, a full white beard covered his chin and glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. He wore a white brimmed hat, to match his all white attire, right down to his white shoes. But the only thing Kristoff saw was red as the man smiled and popped the bottle of champagne.  

“Hey! We were saving that!” Kristoff said as he came up to the stranger, ready to snatch the bottle from his hand.

“Oh, for today I hope.” The man said with a toothy grin. 

“No! It was for--who the fuck do you think you are?” Kristoff growled, jabbing his finger into the man’s chest.

“Oh, how rude of me. Dr. Hammond. John Hammond.” He said, extending his hand and shaking Kristoff’s index finger. “And it’s a delight to finally meet you in person Dr. Bjorgman.”

Kristoff froze, realization hitting him.

Hammond.

The John Hammond.

The man who owned InGen? The one that did research on distinct animals, specifically genetic research?

But most importantly, who ran and created the Hammond foundation? The one that was well known to fund dig sites, such as the one they were on now. 

No, it couldn’t be.

“I see my, uh,” the man said as he walked towards their table near the back of the trailer, “$50,000 a year has been well spent!” 

Holy shit. 

It was him.

And Kristoff has just cussed him up and down.

Fuck.

The door to the trailer slammed open again, Kristoff knew immediately who it was, “Ok,” Anna fumed, storming inside, “Who’s the asshole that--”

“Uh, Dr., let me introduce you to my wife & our paleobotanist,” Kristoff interrupted, turning to Anna as Dr. Hammond came over. Anna looked at him confused, clearly still fuming over the events of the day. Even so, she looked to Dr. Hammond and shook his hand

“Uh, Anna.” She said, eyeing Dr. Hammond, “Dr. Bjorgman to be exact.”

“Anna,” Kristoff said, wrapping his arm around her waist & squeezing, “This is Dr. Hammond.” 

Anna’s eyes widened, looking from Dr. Hammond back to Kristoff and back again as he began to speak.

“Sorry, uh, for the dramatic entrance. I did not mean to disturb your work but, this was the only efficient way I could get to you both as quickly as possible.” 

Anna stood speechless, the first time Kristoff had ever seen her as such. He couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at her stunned face.

“Now come along,” Dr. Hammond said as he walked back towards their table, snagging three cups along the way, “let’s sit down and have a drink yes? We have much to discuss, much to discuss.” 

Anna looked up at Kristoff, still completely shocked. The question written on her face:

What the hell?

Kristoff shrugged, looking back over at the Dr.

“Come along now, I insist.” Dr. Hammond called again, pouring champagne into the glasses.

Anna hesitantly made her way to the table, and Kristoff followed suit.

“Now, I’ll get right to the point….”

------------------------------------

“So, what do you think? Do we have a deal?”

Kristoff sipped his glass, letting himself think about what he just heard. To be honest, he was confused. Everything the man had just said had made absolutely little sense to him. Judging by Anna’s tilted head, she thought the same.

“So, let me get this straight.” He said, feeling Anna’s hand rest on his thigh, a sign to be gentle, “You want us to come review your park? 

“That’s right!”

Kristoff furrowed his brow, “Why would you ask us to come review your park? We’re archeologists, not park owners.”

“Oh, but it is right up your ally, I assure you!” Dr. Hammond said, beaming, “Tell you what, why don’t you both come for the weekend? I have a jet standing by that could get you there in a jiffy.”

Kristoff turned to look at Anna. She was looking at her cup, biting her lip as she thought. After a moment, she looked up, “I..I’m sorry Dr. but I’m not sure if we can. We just dug up a new skeleton today and it’s something we’ve been looking forward to for such a long--”

“I can compensate you fully by funding your dig.”

Kristoff tensed then, leaning slowly onto the table and looking at Dr. Hammond. He couldn’t be serious. 

“You’d fund our dig?”

“Of course!” He said, smiling, “I’ve funded many of your digs, as I am sure you are well aware and I’ve loved and admired your work for a long time. The Bjorgmans, the best of the best in the archeology world. Your work is extraordinary!”

That gave Kristoff pause. The man knew exactly who they were, knew how good they were in their craft too; admired it in fact. That was not something you hear everyday. Especially from the man that had funded hundreds of digs over the years alone.

Truly, if not for this man, Kristoff was sure that he and Anna would easily be out of the job. 

What the man was proposing sounded crazy, but then again, they did owe this man more than they could ever offer.

“As much as I--we want to Dr. Hammond, sir,” Anna said, interrupting Kristoff’s thoughts, “The just..the timing of it is just not right and with the site just being discovered--”

“For a further 3 years.”

Kristoff’s jaw dropped.

“3 years?” Anna asked, herself stunned.

“That’s right.” Dr. Hammond said, smiling at the pair.

“You’d...you’d fund the dig for another 3 years?” Anna asked.

“Yes.” 

“Holy shit.” Anna murmured, looking up to Kristoff and he looked down at her knowing she was having the same thoughts.

3 more years of funding meant 3 more years spent at the site. One that they had just barely broken ground on. The area was thought to be home to at least a dozen or more possible fossils; some complete, others not. But that was just all theory. The chances of their being even more here was high with what they had discovered just today. 

The problem was, from the beginning the funds were only enough to cover a few months here. Not near long enough for the full expedition they had wanted to do.

The possibilities of what they could discover, what they could uncover in another 3 years…

Hell, a quick weekend would be worth it in Kristoff’s eyes.

It was then that he found Anna’s hand that still rested on his thigh, squeezing it gently and smiled.

Anna smiled back at him, and Kristoff could see the excitement in her eyes. She then looked to Dr. Hammond. “Where’s the plane?”

[hurlumerlu]

Boogeyman, haunted and spell ? Damn this ask game slaps all the questions are super enticing actually

Yeah they’re very fun !

Boogeyman : what’s your weirdest/most irrational fear ?

Very embarrassingly, the velociraptors from Jurassic Park. I saw Jurassic Park two when I was 6 and the high-grass scene terrified me to the point I thought a raptor was waiting for me in my grandmother’s basement. It lasted WELL into teenagehood, a time at wich I knew that, realistically, no raptor was trying to ambush me down that dark flight of stair, but my mind immediately went “what if, though ?”, and I was both scared and very annoyed at myself. To this day, there are still moments when I’m woken up by a noise in the middle of the night and my first thought is “Shit, Raptors”. But also I have an anxiety disorder so the only thing that I’ve never been afraid of for no reason is - tea.

Haunted: do you like haunted houses (or corn mazes, hayrides, etc.)?  if so, what’s the scariest one you’ve participated in ?

I’ve never been to one ! I was five the only time I went to Disneyland, so I couldn’t go to the haunted mansion (Alice in Wonderland’s labyrinth, however, scared me so much that my dad had to carry me on his shoulders until we were out). I’m not a fan of jumpscares though, but a haunted something that relied on its atmosphere ? That could be fun ! I’m pretty sure I would just be extremely annoyed if I were to visit a “real” haunted house, because I hate feeling like someone’s trying to manipulate me (who doesn’t). I should probably see “haunted house” owners like I see magicians, and just accept the fun of the trick, but for some reasons I don’t, and I’d probably be the buzzkill who rolls their eyes in the background and ruin everyone’s fun. I would try not to ! But I’m pretty sure I would fail.

Spell : do you believe in magic, or any sort of otherworldly powers ?

Nope ! I don’t really know how to elaborate, I just don’t believe in it. If you do magic by yourself or with your friends, that’s pretty cool, and I’ll truly enjoy listening to you talk about it as long as you don’t try to convince me. But as soon as money gets in the mix I get quite uncomfortable (I say, despite having bought a tarot de Marseilles...), and I hate psychics with a burning passion. Though like I said, I do have a tarot deck. I dig the aesthetic and the symbolism.

Thank you :)

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S2 E4

quarantine diaries: may 27 2020

season 2 episode 4: “Many Happy Returns”

that umbrella is so ineffective there are literally holes. i bet its there purely for decoration. also rey from star wars is that you? a scavenger you are

they found anya and clarke soooo fast. i also love how anya keeps clarke on a leash. 

yeah finn i do think that you wanted to kill him. but also “youre not yourself right now”-bellamy. just give finn a snickers and all will be good.

side note: remember when they were worried about winter. look at where these kids are now

“that was rough landing” no shit murphy. you know what murphy you are the comic relief that no one asked for or needed. 

wow finn really don’t want to save this girl. finn embracing the darkness. this is not the spacewalker i used to know and kinda like. but this is just very different character pacing for finn. honestly what are the writers doing. he went from carefree/irresponsible fuckboi to pacifist killjoy to now an obsessive boyfriend ready to kill and do anything to get back to his girl. maybe there were some subtle hints towards this character progression but all this in such a short time makes it kinda seem out of no where.

is the electric fence to keep people out or to keep people in?? also it reminds me of Jurassic park

nice hipster clutches raven.

when that boy pulled a knife on jaha. i had flashbacks to charlotte and wells. I was scared. 

anya said “down” yeah these two were a furry couple in an au. and when anya really slapped clarke in the face with mud i couldnt help but laugh

that was some thin rope but i guess if thin rope can contain lincoln then ok. this kid clearly did not get an A in earth skills or not at least for tying knots...yeah we all saw that death a mile away. kinda stupid that no one was watching/holding the rope. i really thought someone was gonna grab that rope tho and try to save him before he fell to his death. he really just fell

but also how did the girl get there in the first place you can’t tell me that she landed like that? she also didn’t climb her way up the cliff just to get stuck on the ledge. soooo.....

“im not strong stubborn maybe”-mel (11:57) why am i this girl?

finn is pissed at how long this is taking. but even murphy is for on this? that is when you know your moral compass is wrong.

dead zone. city of lights. more world building. please tell me that we see this city of lights

eat that bug. bone apple tea

jaha’s reaction to zoran wasn’t that bad tho. also not to be political but she said “we’re used to the hatred” to a black man. i cannot help but see the irony.

jaha reconsidering all his life choices after hearing siennas story. especially thinking about wells. yikes. yeah ngl jaha you kinda fucked up there.

ooo a new love interest for raven?? i do like this banter between raven and wick

anya was so ready to kill clarke. straight up grabbed the rock closest to her and was ready to smash. but lucky for clarke and her conviently quick thinking. hard core anya

bellamy made me say cadet kelly who? **sorry could not find a better photo but i kinda like it adds to my cheesy and cheap aesthetic 

i cant’ believe theyre holding the rope this time but not for sterling. anything for bellamy tho. they cannot be out there risking prettyboy bellamys life. side note: sorry but what if finn was just like guys lets just let go of this rope and go find our friends bc you know finn doesn’t like this plan because its talking to long. finn was definitely thinking this and you cannot change my mind.

when murphy said “don’t you worry, bellamy. i wont drop you” (19:20) it kinda sounded like a threat but also like murphy was flirting with bellamy. do i ship? no absolutely no. murphy is the one person that i refuse to ship with bellamy. im still salty that he tried to hang prettyboy bellamy

oh yes they are pushing for raven and wick. i also have to mention: raven’s leg is straight up dragging. put on the damn brace. does anyone know how long after the surgery this takes place because damn raven you recover like jasper 

when the rope broke and when the arrows started coming. i fell out of my seat. i swear whenever murphy is around anything that could go wrong does go wrong. deadass i believe that murphy is a bad luck charm. hes just needs to leave.

it doesnt help that i reallllly don’t like murphys hair in this episode? what are those? twists?

aww bellamy and octavia are reunited. but tbh their separation wasnt that long 

i also have to mention that these kids have really white teeth. they may have grease hair but they have the whitest teeth in the world

raven and wick are really flirting. and i ship. shes needs to move on from finn. ngl i dont know this guy that well but i already like him a lot more than finn. 

jaha’s lips are crusty af. someone get him some chapstick

woah clarke. power move. did not think you had it in you. clarke said:

what was that look between bellamy and mel? another ship? 

‘what happened to your boyfriend’ is murphy movin in on octavia? another ship?

thats a cute map

Octavia is all of us (well at least me) when she said “really?” in response to bellamy giving murphy a gun. i still do not trust murphy.

girl fight. this was the most violent scene yet. was that last punch really necessary tho clarke? side note: anya when she said “you fought well” was like shang saying to mulan “you fight good” another ship?

byrne nooo!! you may be right but you are annoying me

wow they really turned on jaha.  but yes “to survive we do what we must” and you know what that means...wear a damn mask whenever youre in a public area. wash your hands. social distance yourself.

bounty on sky people? why?

sidenote: this desert father looks like a skinny DJ kahlid 

anya died too fast and too easily. somebody please say sike. SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW! no actually tho. they did not just kill off this badass warrior with a gun. i refuse. no she has to still be alive. this boss bitch did not just survive mount weather and being hunted just for her to die like this no. absolutely not. she is alive. she has to be. i refuse to believe this death.

[kimmietea]

A Right of Passage (Joe Mazzello x Reader)

Summary: Joe and Reader show their nephew Nate, Jurassic Park for the first time. 

Warnings: None. Just fluffy goodness and maybe a bit sappy at parts.

A/N: Could be a continuation of Old Jokes but can also be read alone. Please don’t be shy. Let me if you like it or don't. If there is anything you’d like to see let me know.

********

“Lynn come on! What 9 year old boy hasn’t seen Jurassic Park?” You tried to reason with your over protective sister. Your nephew Nathan was having a sleepover at you and Joe’s place so your sister and brother-in-law could have a date night. The 3 of you had ordered pizza, popped some popcorn and built an awesome blanket fort in front of the T.V. ready for a night of movies and fun. You had the idea to show Nate Jurassic Park after your sister had already dropped him off so now you were doing your best to convince her over the phone.

“What if he has nightmares?” She worried. You looked over to Joe and Nate who were on their knees on couch peeking at you from under the back sheet of the fort, hopeful looks on their faces and their fingers crossed.

“If he has nightmares, he has nightmares. He’ll live. Plus he’s sleeping here so you won’t even have to deal with them.” Nate nodded excitedly in agreement.

“Oh I don’t know.” You could tell she was biting her nails.

“For the love of god just let him watch it!” You heard Scott tell your sister from the other side of the phone.

“Would you listen to your husband.” You laughed. “It’s a right of passage Lynn, every kid has to go through this.” She sighed.

“You’ll have Joe explain everything as it’s happening so he won’t be as scared? Like how they filmed it and it’s not real.”

“Yeah of course.” You lied. You and Joe had talked about it before and you decided not to tell Nate that Joe was actually the little boy in the movie, that way you guys would get his true feelings on the movie.

“Fine.”

“Really?!” You asked excitedly and spun around to look over at the boys who now had giant smiles on their faces and were gripping the back of the couch.

“Yeah i guess so. But if he gets too scared please tell me you’ll shut it off and if he does have nightmares and you need me to come get him please call me.” She stressed.

“Absolutely! But I promise he’ll be fine.”

“Ok, just text me when it’s over and keep me updated on how he is after it.” You agreed and said your goodbyes.

“She said yes!” You yelled. Joe and Nate yelled in excitement and jumped up and down on the couch almost knocking down the fort.

*******

“Ok so Jurassic Park is about a theme park, kinda like Sea World but with dinosaurs, and they get out.” You gave a brief description getting comfortable on the couch with Nate sitting in between you and Joe. Nated nodded almost shaking in his seat with excitement.

“I know you’re excited bud, but in all seriousness, it could be a bit scary and if you do get scared and want us to shut it off you have to tell us, ok? We won’t be mad, we just want you to have a good time and be comfortable here.” Joe explained.

“I promise Uncle Joe, but i'm gonna be okay, Im 9 nine now.” Joe laughed.

“I know buddy, you’re gonna do great.” He said ruffling his hair and staring the movie.

*******

Everything was going great, you had all eaten your pizza and were now slowly munching on some popcorn. Nate was super into the movie, which of course made you very excited. It was one of your favorites way before you met Joe.

The part where Dr. Grant and Ellie see the brachiosaurus for the first time was coming up and the look of awe on Nate's face was better than you could have hoped for.

“Woah” he said quietly as the camera panned over the massive dinosaur. You smiled and glanced over to Joe who wore a proud grin on his face.

********

“That is one big pile of shit.” Ian said on the movie and Nate let out a hearty laugh.

“Gross!” He laughed shaking his head. But his smile didn’t last long. A look of complete disgust and horror crossed his face as Ellie was elbow deep in the pile.

“Oh god! Gross! Ellie noo!” He yelled. Joe laughed at his reaction, tossing some popcorn at him.

********

The part you were most worried about Nate being scared of was approaching quickly. You watched Tim climb over the seats to look out the back window of the car with the binoculars.

“Cool” Nate said seconds before Tim did. You looked over to Joe and you two shared a smile. Nate was so into the movie that he was now sitting at the very edge of his spot on the couch, blanket wrapped around him.

The classic water ripples shot comes on and Nate pulls the blanket up under his chin, eyes unblinking and never leaving the screen. Joe placed his arm over the back of the couch and Nate sat all the way back. As the scene progressed your eyes kept darting between the screen and your nephew. You noticed that Nate had absent mindedly inched his way closer to Joe. By the time Tim notices the goat is missing Nate was tucked up under Joe’s arm, pressed into his side. Joe moved his arm from the couch to around Nate’s shoulders knowing what was about to happen.

The goat leg hits the roof and you see the T-Rex’s claw over the fence. Slowly the camera pans up and you see it, the T-Rex, eating what's left of the goat. You glance down at Nate who was now pressed so far into Joe’s side and the back of the couch you thought he might end up behind Joe. But his eyes never left the screen. Gennaro runs from the car and into the bathroom.

“Bad idea” Nate whispers to himself. The lines in the fence start to snap and it falls. The T-Rex bites though the loose wires and steps out of the inclosure. It lets out a roar and Nate’s eyes widen and he grabs Joe’s arm pulling it so it now wraps over his shoulder and across his chest, almost like a seat belt. Joe gives him a pat on the chest with his hand, silently telling his okay. Tim is now yelling at Lex to turn off the flashlight when the T-Rex bursts through the sunroof. Nate jumps a little and grips onto Joe’s arm that’s still wrapped across him.

He watches the full scene, eyes never leaving the screen or letting go of Joe’s arm. He lets out a little squeak when Gennaro is eaten. You finally see him blink a few times a let out a deep breath as Dr. Grant approaches the tree Tim was in. Nate didn’t release his grip on Joe’s arm until after the car chase when Ian says “Think they’ll have that on the tour?”. Joe went to move his arm back to the couch but Nate grabbed it quickly, keeping him in place.

Joe looked up at you with a dopey grin on his face. You knew that little move meant so much to him. He was always worried that Nate only saw him as a buddy not as a real Uncle since the 2 of you weren't married. A thought one of Scotts relatives put in his head a few years ago. You reached over Nate to brush your hand across Joe’s cheek, he smiled and leaned into your touch, placing a kiss on your palm before you pulled it away.

When you look back at the screen you saw Dr. Grant and the kids safe in the tree. Tim tells his joke and Nate looks up at you.

“That’s that joke you taught me!” You laughed and nodded.

“Yeah bud, that’s where I got it from.”

*******

The movie has about 20 minutes left when Tim, Lex and Dr. Grant approach the electric fence. He still hadn’t moved from his safe spot nestled next to Joe. He laughs when Dr. Grant pretends to get electrocuted by the fence. His face drops a little when you hear a roar in the distance, his arms that were relaxed at his sides, move to hold onto Joe’s arm again. They start to climb the fence and Ellie is looking for the breaker. She finds the box as the others reach the top of the fence, the music building. You look down at Nate and his eyes are wide, taking in every little thing on the screen.

Ellie pumps up the power, pushes the green button and an alarm blares scaring Tim and Nate who jumps a little in his Uncle’s arms and gasps when Time drops a rung down the fence. Ellie slowly starts to push the red buttons, turning the breaker back on. Lex and Dr. Grant start to encourage Tim to jump from the fence before the electricity gets turned back on. Nate schoches up the couch little by little, back to his spot on the edge. As he moved forward Joe’s arm retreated back to Nate’s shoulder.

Dr. Grant says he’s going to come up to get him when Tim starts counting to 3, ready to jump on 3.

“1” Ellie hits the button for the T-Rex paddock. As Tim counts 2 Ellie hits the button for the Perimeter Fence, there is a zap and some sparks as Tim gets shocked and is flung backwards off the fence and into Dr. Grants arms.

“NO!” Nate yells and flys off the couch landing on his knees in front of the tv, desperately trying to get closer. You were shocked by his reaction and it melts your heart. You put your hand over your chest and looked to Joe. His hand was over his mouth just as shocked as you were.

“Am I that good?” He whispered to you.

“You WERE that good.” You joked back. He gasped in moked offence and crossed his arms over his chest. You nudged him playfully and he smiled back at you with a wink. You hear Dr. Grant tell Lex he’s not breathing.

“No no no.” Nate says in a hushed voice shaking his head. Ellie says we’re back in business as a Raptor jumps from behind her. Nate yells in surprise and springs back to his spot on the couch, next with Joe and grabs his arm to put it back across him. Mr. Arnold’s arm falls over Ellie’s shoulder and he makes a grossed out face. Robert Is focusing on the Raptor in front of him, getting his gun ready and holding it up to aim.

“They attach from the sides.” Nate says more to himself than to the 2 of you. Remembering what Dr. Grant says to the boy at the start of the movie. The iconic “Clever Girl” line is spoken and he’s gone. Dr. Grant is giving Tim CPR and Nate is gripping Joe’s arm so tightly that his little, knuckles were turning white.

“Come on, come on.” He whispers. It was clear he was enjoying the movie and it made you so happy. You remember when your sister told you she was pregnant and all you could think about was this. Spending time with your nephew and showing him all your favorite things. You were so thankful for him.

Dr. Grant gives Tim a few breaths before he starts coughing and sits up. Nate let out a sigh and relaxed his grip on Joe.

“Thank god.”

*********

The rest of the movie goes on and Nate remains in his spot and says nothing. As the credits start to roll you and Joe look down at him.

“So, how did you like it?” You ask. He jumped up and stood on the couch.

“That was amazing!” He yelled. “Oh man that was so good! I can’t wait to tell Alex and David that I got to see Jurassic Park and they didn’t. Oh they are gonna be so jealous.” You both laughed and Nate sat back down.

“Why can’t they see it?” Joe asked.

“Their parents said they are too young and it’s too scary. Too bad they don’t have an awesome Aunt and Uncle that show them cool stuff.” You and Joe share a small High five over Nate’s head. Suddenly Nate’s face lights up and he’s off the couch again, standing in front of the two of you.

“I want to be Tim Murphy for Halloween.” He states with his hands on his hips and a quick nod of his head. You hear Joe take a shuddering breath as he turns to look at you. His eyes are a little glassy with tears and he’s biting at his lip. You chuckle and shake your head.

“It’s only February Nate.” You laugh and pick up the remote and start to rewind the movie back to the beginning but pausing it as they are all getting into the cars and Tim tells Dr. Grant that he read his book. The entire screen now a 9 year old Joe.

Joe gets up and stands next to the T.V. so he’s side by side with his younger self.

“Do you know who this is Nate?”He asks. Nate looks confused.

“It’s Tim Murphy.” He says. Joe covers his face with his hands. Should have expected that one. You laugh and decide to capture this moment and pull out your phone to record.

“Right. But do you recognise him at all?” Nate looks at the tv and tilts his head. After a few seconds he says.

“Nope.” Joe sighs.

“It’s me! I’m Tim Murphy. I mean I played him. When I was your age, that’s me!” He stressed and gestured to the T.V. Nate walked up and squinted at the T.V. then back to his Uncle and back and forth a few times, not really believing what he was hearing. His eyes grew wide and he stepped back from the T.V.

“Holy shit!” He exclaimed.

“NATHAN!” You yelled shocked, trying to hide your laugh. Joe did nothing to hide his laugh.

“Sorry Aunt Y/N.” His shoulders slumped slightly but not for too long.

“I can’t believe that my Uncle is Tim Murphy! Alex and David are never gonna believe this. I have the coolest Uncle ever!” He yelled and launched himself at Joe, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. Joe grunted as Nate basicly head butted him in the stomach and he wrapped his arms around him and held him close. That's where you ended the video and sent it off to your sister with a text saying how he loved the movie and was fine.

********

After a few more movies, some ice cream and a pillow fight, it was time for bed. Nate insisted that Joe be the one to tuck him in. So you said goodnight, hugged and kissed him before he climbed up on Joe’s back and they headed off to the guest room that Nate claimed as his own room. You cleaned up the fort and the mess in the living room before heading off to bed yourself. You climbed in just as Joe came strutting into the room with a smug smile on his face.

“Oh my stars! Is that THE Joe Mazzello? Actor extraordinaire, Tim Murphy from award winning Jurassic Park!” You gasped and for some reason used a bad southern accent.

“Hey just because i'm the cool one now doesn't mean you have to be jealous. I'm sure he still loves you.” He said as he changed into some pajama pants and a white t-shirt.

“Excuse me!”

“It’s okay, love. I'm not going to gloat about it just because he likes me better.” He snuggled down into the covers. You gaped down at him trying your best not to laugh.

“Alight Uncle of the year, you get to wake up early tomorrow and make your nephew breakfast.” You said matter of factly and rolled over in bed, your back to Joe. He moved closer and threw his arm over you and pulled you closer to him.

“You say it like it’s a punishment.” He mumbles into you neck. “I think of it as practice for when I get to get up early and make breakfast for our kids and my beautiful wife.” You smiled to yourself and leaned back into him.

"Love you" You whispered.

"Love you, goodnight."

********

The flash of light and massive boom woke you up. The rain pounded against the window. You groaned and rolled over, snuggling into Joe.

“Stupid rain.” You muttered. Joe moaned in agreement. Another flash of lightning lit up the room and a loud crack of thunder shook the windows. Joe’s eyes shot open and his entire body jumped.

“Christ, that one got me.” He laughed, trembling slightly like after a good jump scare in a horror movie. You laughed and opened your mouth to tell him to grow a pair when you caught sight of your bedroom door slowly opening. Nate stood there with the dinosaur stuffed animal Joe got him for his 5th birthday.

"You ok?" You ask gently. Joe rolled over to see him.

"Did you have a nightmare pal?" He asked. Nate shook his head.

"No I didn't. The thunder woke me up but the storm made me think of the T-Rex breaking out and…" he trailed off, looking down at his feet. He had scared himself.

"Nate could you do me a big favor?" Joe asked. Nate looked up at him and nodded. "Well that big thunder just scared me and I'd feel a lot better if you slept here with us."

A smile stretched across his face and he raced over to the bed, jumping up and snuggling in between the two of you.

"It's a good thing you came in here, Uncle Joe was really scared." You said brushing Nate's hair back, off his face.

"Really?" He asked quietly turning his head slightly to look at Joe.

"Yeah! You heard that right? My heart almost jumped out of my chest. But now you're here and I feel much safer." Joe said snuggling into Nate as if he was a teddy bear. Joe gave you a look and you took the hint and did the same on his other side. Nate sighed contently and wrapped his arms around both of you.

"I love you guys."

[stellalux-universe]

So I just finished rewatching Bravo’s 100 Scariest Movie Moments for like, the thousandth time and I wanted to mark down the one’s I had seen. I wrote down some notes too, just some thoughts in case anyone is curious about my thoughts and likings. 

[X] 100. 28 Days Later- Controversial, but I see this as an infection movie as opposed to a zombie movie, but I will not bore you with my rant on the subject.

[X] 99. Creepshow- Classic, have to see this if you haven’t already.

[  ] 98. Zombie

[  ] 97. Cat People (1982)

[X] 96. The Birds- Gotta love a Hitchcock movie.

[X] 95. Jurassic Park- Love the movie, not sure I agree with it being above The Birds or Creepshow but 🤷🏼‍♀️

[X] 94. Child's Play- Fuck creepy dolls man.

[  ] 93. Pacific Heights

[X] 92. Village of the Damned

[  ] 91. Shallow Grave

[X] 90. Night of the Hunter

[X] 89. Alice Sweet Alice- Great movie, definitely recommend. 

[X] 88. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

[X] 87. Black Christmas (1974)- Love this movie.

[X] 86. Wizard of Oz- Agree that the witch and the monkeys are fucking creepy, and because it’s geared toward children it probably caused quite a few nightmares, but don’t think it’s as scary as some of the lower entries.

[  ] 85. Blood & Black Lace

[X] 84. Blue Velvet

[X] 83. The Others

[X] 82. Terminator- Eh.

[X] 81. The Howling

[X] 80. Poltergeist- LOVE this movie, the original is amazing.

[X] 79. Dracula (1992)- I watched this movie when I was like 5 and thus began my love for horror movies so this one holds a special place in my heart, plus the fucking aesthetic! 

[  ] 78. The Brood

[X] 77. Signs

[X] 76. Evil Dead- LOVE LOVE LOVE this movie, Sam Raimi and all of the absolutely fake blood and gore you could ever want.

[X] 75. Candyman

[X] 74. Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory- See notes for Wizard of Oz, same deal. Creepy af but scarier than Candyman? Eh.

[  ] 73. Blood Simple

[X] 72. Them!

[X] 71. The Sixth Sense

[  ] 70. The Stepfather

[X] 69. Re-Animator- One of my favorite movies period tbh.

[  ] 68. The Black Cat

[  ] 67. Duel

[  ] 66. The Tenant

[  ] 65. Marathon Man

[X] 64. Near Dark

[  ] 63. Deliverance

[X] 62. The Wolf Man- Classic

[X] 61. The Devil's Backbone- Absolutely gorgeous film, as is typical with del Toro, everyone knows Pans Labyrinth and that’s a great film but you should definitely see The Devil’s Backbone if you like del Toro.  

[  ] 60. The Beyond

[X] 59. Fatal Attraction

[X] 58. Cujo- Stephen King, of course, a must.

[X] 57. House of Wax (1953)- No, not the one with Paris Hilton, though that did have Jared Padalecki who 😘. But the original, with Vincent Price himself.

[  ] 56. Single White Female

[  ] 55. The Vanishing (1993)

[X] 54. The Changeling

[  ] 53. Demons

[X] 52. The Phantom of the Opera- Another Classic

[  ] 51. The Dead Zone

[X] 50. The Last House on the Left- Again, the original people, Wes Craven, not the remake. Literally one of the most uncomfortable movies I’ve ever sat through but extremely subversive about how we justify violence and the ability of all of us to be capable of violence. Seriously though, it’s a rough watch.

[  ] 49. Diabolique

[  ] 48. The Thing (1982)

[X] 47. Nosferatu (1929)

[  ] 46. The Sentinel

[X] 45. The Wicker Man (1975)

[X] 44. The Game

[X] 43. It's Alive!

[X] 42. An American Werewolf in London- Watch it every Halloween, LOVE

[X] 41. The Hills Have Eyes (1977)- Wes Craven again, I love that man but he has a startling ability to make seriously demented movies. I love it though.

[  ] 40. Black Sunday

[X] 39. Dawn of the Dead- Original again, a must for any horror fan, I mean, it’s George Romero people, come on.

[  ] 38. Peeping Tom

[X] 37. House on Haunted Hill (1999)

[X] 36. Cape Fear (1962)

[X] 35. Aliens

[  ] 34. The Hitcher (1986)

[X] 33. The Fly (1986)- JEFF GOLDBLUM. That’s all. This did creep me the fuck out though.

[X] 32. Pet Sematary- Obviously. Though I still haven’t seen the remake, is it good? Let me know.

[X] 31. Friday the 13th- Listen, I do love this movie... but I’m a bigger Elm Street fan, sorry Jason.

[X] 30. Blair Witch Project- Creepy af considering you don’t really see anything. That’s pretty brilliant.

[  ] 29. Serpent and the Rainbow

[X] 28. When a Stranger Calls (1979)

[X] 27. Frankenstein (1931)- YES, I love so many of the Frankenstein movies, I even adore the cracktastic Young Frankenstein movie, watch both every Halloween.

[X] 26. Seven

[X] 25. Phantasm- Ugh, both Phantasm and Suspiria next, amazing movies, totally recommend if you haven’t seen them.

[X] 24. Suspiria

[X] 23. Rosemary's Baby- Obviously.

[  ] 22. Don't Look Now

[  ] 21. Jacob's Ladder

[X] 20. The Ring (2002)

[X] 19. Hellraiser- This movie scared the shit out of me when I was a kid, definitely one I came to appreciate when I got older. 

[X] 18. The Haunting (1963)- Love the movie, love the book, love the Netflix series even if they totally changed the story. 

[X] 17. A Nightmare on Elm Street- Yea, i have a thing for Wes Craven flicks apparently and this is my favorite of all the slasher films. Plus, young Johnny Depp in a crop top? Uh, yes please.

[X] 16. The Omen (1976)

[X] 15. Freaks- Okay, of all the movies on this list, this is one of the ones that actually scared the shit out of me, what happens to the female antagonist at the end? Ugh, it still gives me shivers.

[X] 14. Halloween

[X] 13. Scream- Another Wes Craven.

[X] 12. Misery- And another Stephen King.

[X] 11. Audition- I literally can not watch this film. I have tried several times because I like the story, I like the premise, I think the actress in it is incredible, but I can’t fucking stomach torture scenes, I just can’t. Being chased by a killer or a monster, where I have the opportunity to fight back or run, yeah, but being strapped down and unable to move while being hurt, ugh I just can’t watch that, no matter how deserving they make the victim out to be.

[  ] 10. Wait Until Dark

[X] 9. Night of the Living Dead- Must watch for a horror fan, that’s all I have to say about that.

[X] 8. Carrie (1976)- And another Stephen King, and actually my favorite of his film adaptations, though The Shining and Rose Red are up there for me too.

[X] 7. Silence of the Lambs- Just watched this last night, and then had to start watching Hannibal (the show) again.

[X] 6. The Shining- Another Stephen King.

[X] 5. Texas Chainsaw Massacre- Original was great, remake was crap.

[X] 4. Psycho (1960)- Obviously.

[X] 3. Exorcist- Absolutely incredible, everything about it.

[X] 2. Alien- One of my go to sleep movies HA

[X] 1. Jaws- Okay, so I love love love killer animal movies, I just do. Primeval, Jaws, Lake Placid, Anaconda, what have you and I get that Jaws kind of took horror movies main stream BUT scariest movie moment? I don’t really agree with that at all, it didn’t scare me as a child and it doesn’t scare me now. Some of these other movies on this list still give me chills, Jaws never has, so I was a bit disappointed at it being number 1.

It would be cool if someone wanted to one for themselves! I love horror movies and I’m always curious about other people’s opinions and insights and I’m looking to do things like this to get to know my followers better! 

😘

[supernova1us]

Top fictional things that have scared the shit out of me

1.       Weeping Angels(Doctor Who)-these terrifying monsters, who appear as angelic statues when observed by living things but can move super-fast when unobserved, even when you blink, can attack. Even as an adult, the fear of them terrified me for week after I saw their debut episode. The concept and memory still creep in every once and a while.  

2.       T-rex/raptors(Jurassic park)-from a young age I’ve watched the JP films and had a complex relationship with them. I love the dinosaurs but the gruesome deaths portrayed in the films instilled a genuine fear of being eaten alive in me. As an adult I have a tough time watching them without a bit of phobia and my imagination running wild.

3.       Mummy(the mummy)- the  gruesome mummy appearance and imagery in the 1999 remake really freaked me out when I was a kid and fear of it was a large contributing factor to my nighttime terrors for quite a few years.

4.       Headless horseman (sleepy hollow)-the other half of my childhood fears, the version of the horseman really freaked me out when I was younger.  Primarily the sequence of him regaining his head, the witch in the woods and the scene where he kills a family, including the innocent hiding child.

there are a few more but these are the top ones

[reddie-fangirl24]

Jurassic park!!

NOTE: If you have not read my other Jurassic Park/IT Crossover, you can read it here. I would love to write more IT scenes to this crossover! It’s fun!

Support me on my Ko-Fi!

Traversing further through the grassy fields, hoping that they weren’t being stalked by any more dinosaurs, The Losers Club arrived at a large perimeter fence. It was tall, and it went on for miles along the field. From the looks of it, it would only take another hour if they decided to walk to the very end. The probability that they’d still be fenced in was a good bet. 

“Do you think it’s safe to climb?” Ben asked.

Bill approached the fence, getting up on the stone wall. Taking a stick, he threw it at the gate. Nothing. Richie got up on the stone wall, too. “Guess that means it must be off.”

Reaching out, twiddling his fingers, Richie grabbed hold of the fence. Suddenly, Richie started screaming, his body shaking violently. Everyone screamed in terror. Eddie closed his eyes, hysterical. 

Laughing, Richie revealed that he was completely fine and that it was all a joke. 

“You are such an asshole!” Eddie was near tears.

“Do you have any idea how much you scared us!” Beverly climbed onto the stonewall, swatting Richie’s arm.

“Th-That was not funny, R-R-Richie!” Bill scowled at his friend. Richie had done some pretty messed up things before, but this was the worst yet, especially with the danger they were in.

Understanding that he scared his friends, Richie regretted the juvenile prank. They were under enough stress as it was. And they didn’t know what happened to Mike and Stan. “Sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood, guys.”

Bill invested the perimeter fence further. The wires proved to be too strong to break. They didn’t have any other options.

“Maybe there’s another way around?” Eddie suggested. His mother already had a conniption for him participating in gym class. Knowing that he was a good runner, Eddie had no idea how good of a climber he was. 

A magnificent roar echoed the land. That wasn’t a good sign. Without any more discussion, the Losers started climbing up the fence. 

“Hey, Bev, I bet I can beat you to the other side of the fence!” Richie challenged his ginger-haired friend.

“I’ve seen you in gym class, Twinkle-Toes!” With that Beverly started climbing faster than him.

Richie caught up to her, but he arguable, Beverly was pretty fast. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s not a race, you guys,” Ben said to them as he took his time.

Eddie was the slowest out of them all. By the time the other Losers made it to the other side of the fence, and they nearing the ground, Eddie was just climbing over the top, shaking. Richie jumped to the ground, keeping close watch over Eddie. Now he knew that he should have climbed next to Eddie instead of racing Beverly.

“You can do better than that, Eds!” he hollered, noticing that Eddie was having difficulty.

“Don’t fuckin’ call me that!” Eddie’s voice jumped, nearly misplacing his footing.

“Just take your time, Eddie!” Bill encouraged him right when he made it to the ground.

Unfortunately, an alarm went off. A red light blinked. Not a good sign. Eddie screamed, losing his footing, just grabbing hold of the fence. Feeling his throat tighten, Eddie couldn’t reach into his pocket to get his inhaler. 

“Eddie, what the fuck are you doing?” Richie feverishly pulled at his hair. 

“Get down from there!” Beverly yelled up to him.

Eddie grasped the wires, frightened. Tears appeared in his eyes. The siren blared in his ears. Before coming here he never told his mother where he was actually going. Should he have? There was no way that he wanted to miss out on a trip to an island where real dinosaurs existed, but he was risking his life!

“Climb down, Eddie!” Bill yelled. It was only a matter of time. 

“Jump!” Ben told him, trying to help.

“I’m going to count to three and your ass better be down on the ground!” Richie threatened him with a shaking voice. “!,2,3!”

“That was too fast, you asshole!” Eddie cried.

“So fuckin’ jump already!”

Eddie continued to hold on for dear life to the fence, listening to the alarm ring through his ears. Below Eddie’s feet, he could hear his friends talking, trying to figure out a plan. Oh, he was just slowing things down. Come on, Eds, jump! You’re not delicate like mom insists. 

Grasping the wires, Eddie prepared himself. “Okay, I’ll jump. 1... 2... 3!”

Everything happened so fast. Landing uncomfortable in Ben’s arms, they scrambled onto the ground, kicking up dirt. Once Eddie became aware of everything, something was not right.

Covered by the grass, Bill was trying to get someone to wake up.

“Is he okay?” Beverly’s voice was almost hysterical, covering her mouth with her hands.

Eddie sat up more. Richie was unconscious in the grass, his whole body smoking.

“Holy shit! What happened!” Eddie scrambled to his feet, running over to Richie’s side. The boy’s face was so pale. His glasses fell to his side. Unfortunately, one of the lenses was broken.

“When you jumped, Richie was going to come and ger you,” Ben explained, his own voice wavering to tears. “He touched the fence.”

Bill leaned in closer to Richie’s mouth. His face paled. “He’s not breathing...”

Bill immediately started CPR. He administered the pumps to Richie’s chest and then bent down to his mouth. Eddie fell to his knees. Beverly paced the area, crying. Every second she’d glance at Richie and then look away. Ben stood up and put his arm around her shoulder to help calm her down. He didn’t want to look at this. 

This wasn’t fair. How could he let this happen? Tears spilled out of Eddie’s eyes. Why did this happened to Richie? He was the one who wouldn’t obey his friend’s orders. Unable to breathe, Eddie took out his inhaler, but he didn’t use it. 

“No, Rich, please! Wake up! Wake up! I swear if you die, I am never going to forgive you!”

Nothing. This was all his fault. Eddie never meant for this to happen. What were they going to do if Richie did... no, he wasn’t. He couldn’t have been. 

“Please, wake up, for me?” Eddie begged, staring at Richie’s pale face. “I can’t live without you. Yeah, you’re annoying, but... but...” Eddie couldn’t even say it, sobbing.

Right then, just when Bill was close to giving in, Richie coughed. He was alive! All the Losers rejoiced, so happy that they were not going to lose another member from this chaotic trip. 

Eddie buried his face into Richie’s chest, sobbing. “I’m sorry!”

Richie was just barely conscious, but he smiled. Lifting his shaking arm, he rubbed Eddie’s back. “Hey, you jumped.”

All was forgiven.

[questforpants]

𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒.

DUNGEONS AND DADDIES / EP 1 : A MAN AND A HANDSHAKE

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠. lines taken from an actual play d&d podcast, you can check out here 

I’m sorry, I laugh every time I hear it.

Uh, you might find a good use for those condoms on the course of this adventure.

If not in one way, then another.

You’re like our dad, the dad of dads.

I’m the dad of dads. I’m daddy daddy.

Yo, man, play it cool, dawg.

Ah, hey, yeah, what’s up man? How’s it goin’? Are you, uh, are you my ride?

Uh, yeah, uh, can you come here? Can we talk for a second? We’ll be right with you, young man! Can you get over here?

Rock and roll man.

Okay, uhhhh, yeah, no smoking in your car, I dig that. Alright man, your car, your rules.

On the scale from, like, 1 to 20, what kind of dankness are we looking at here, weed wise?

Uhhh, hey man, where’d you, uh, where’d you get that?

I’m very hungry and I kinda wanna fuck!

Uh, yeah man, I dig it. Well, uh, just tellin’ ya, this poindexter drivin’ the car over here doesn’t want you, uh—

He sounds like a fuckin’ narc.

You know what? I’m just gonna take that— why don’t we just put it in the mailbox for, uh, it’ll be our little secret.

We don’t want our mailman finding that, haha!

I feel like I’m fuckin’ bonding with my kid already!

Is this what fuckin’ being a parent is like? Because fuckin’ sign me up, this sounds great!

Hey, I hope you know, I ain’t no narc. I party occasionally too, it’s just, you know, in front of the kids…maybe someday we could, you know...anyways! That’s not important, I just don’t want you to think I’m-

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Power! Power! Power!”

I will make you a naked tree! A naked tree that I will then punch!

How would you like if someone ripped off your skin without consent?

I’m gonna need you guys to be real buddies and listen to Dad now, alright?

Challenge accepted, fatherrrrrrr!

Hey there, man, it’s just about being polite, you can tell a lot about a man from a handshake!

It was born from my brain!

I’m a little bit, uh, hazed out from the strength of the previous, aforementioned blunt.

We’re gonna be very respectful and we’re gonna be very positive, and then we’re gonna go out and we’re gonna have a wonderful time today. Can you say that, can you say we’re gonna go out and have a wonderful time today?

Yeah? What was the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

I burned down my first school!

[strained laughter] He didn’t burn down the /entire/ school, the fire damage was limited to one or two classrooms.

Okay, alright, who wants Grape-Nuts? I’ve got a baggy of grape nuts with me.

Well, I’m gonna be snacking on my Grape-Nuts and if anyone wants some, just let me know if you want some of these nuts and we’ll chow down.

Relationships are built on trust, that’s what you tell me. You should trust that we’re going to buckle up!

You know, I’m tryna’ let them make their own decisions, it’s called free-range parenting.

Well I guess somebody’s not getting their instant oatmeal.

Daddy? I mean, [name]? Is that you?

Listen...pal...I know that I haven’t been there for you. Because I wasn’t married to your wife, I mean to your mom, before your dad died. I’ve written several letters trying to emote on paper what I can’t always do in person and you know, I’m working on that.

[name?] [name], I was informed to tell you not to get in vans with strangers.

Don’t give a shit! 

That’s my little joke, I’m a teetotaler myself but I like to say “neat,” you know and it makes me feel neat.

No, it’s okay, safety is not a priority—

Alright, I’m puttin’ on 60s and 70s greatest hits as we go.

Don't worry, I know how much gas my van has, don't worry about it.

Pretty good place to drop. You just don’t know how to shoot people, but that’s fine.

  Okay now hold still and let me put these bandaids on. Okay, hold still!

Aw, I think I’m gonna throw up...the iodine

I can’t help but— do you remember that scene in Jurassic Park where Ellie Satler, the very attractive Laura Dern, is looking at the leaves and she notices that the leaves are different and that’s kinda the first clue that something strange is going on! 

I thought ‘cause you were dabbing, you were Fornite dabbing.

Oh, modifications, alright. Black market modifications.

Guys, it’s pretty weird out here.

See, I’m not quite sure if this is an LSD flashback or event, so I’m just gonna be a little vague here.

Do you just yell your own name when you’re excited?

That’s what I’m saying. I don’t trust these people.

Guys, which dad do you think has the biggest dingdong?

Woah there gentlemen, watch where you’re shooting that thing!

You’ve gotta be kiddin— [dying noise]

[name], I'm in the middle of battle. I'm wondering what I should do?

Uh, probably die. That sounds like something you would do.

Ooh! Hey diddle diddle!

[deep and angry] Sorry for the language.

I’ve never related more.

Yep! How does that feel?

Not possible, my man. Not a real number, not possible.

God damn it, I knew we shouldn’t have come back for the adults! I knew it!

[muttering] They’re twist-offs, they’re twist-offs…

[slurred] Give me one good reason not to gut ya like a pig right here….

[sighs] Guys, this is tough but I feel like we’re a team. I think we can do this if we all stick together.

“Just pretend you don’t see me feeling things.” 

[low] You’re ridin’ in back with me, kemosabe.

[quiet and scared] Ooh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no…

[extreme stammering] Uh, let’s talk about something else! I don’t know— it’s been a long day, uh, let’s talk about something else.

I feel like that’s pretty much the only thing I wanna talk about. You had vines shot out of you.

Do you still have the condoms?

You know, I think maybe something’s happening to me and I’m still trying to get my bearings on it, so I would really enjoy it if you guys respected my privacy and let me work through what’s going on on my own.

So I’m gonna go ahead and put 10 condoms on my fingers for the time being, just to make sure that nothing bad happens.

I don’t wanna make any more messes in here, so you can consider me condomed up.

Ha! It’s been awhile since I’ve had a laugh, I appreciate a good joke…

[yelling] I’m wearing the condoms!

Sorry, sorry I’m just a little sensitive about the changes that are happening to my body, so--

This is some Lord of the Rings shit right here, y’all.

He, generally, is known as one of the best cultivators of non-voluntary work in this part of the continent.

You’re using a lot of elitist language.

That’s an extremely offensive way to put what my master does…

Well, yeah, agree to disagree, but I feel like they’re probably more useful in the workforce.

Listen up, you big alpha jock piece of shit bozo!

I think I dig where you’re goin’, man, I think I got this.

Okay, I feel like you’re being pretty aggro on me right now, I knew I flew off the handle at you there but—

You’re right, I’m sorry man. It’s been a tough day for both of us.

I just don’t feel like this is a music kinda guy, I don’t feel like this guy pumps a lot of tuneskis.

No, no! He can’t take it back, he can’t take it back! I feel something!

I silence his dumb ass with a kiss!

Something tingles deep down inside of me and I feel love for the first time in a long time, when he puts his mouth on mine.

Snakes are natural predators, we had to put down our purebred Dachshund because he got bit by a snake. This is a game replicating that exact same experience… uh, it will make you so strong and powerful, it’ll make me cry… about my Dachshund.

Thank you, my Number One.

You may keep this receipt of the pact that we have made.

It’s constantly kinda screaming in horror. [very quiet and gentle] Aaah.

Woah, sorry, I slipped there. Been drinking a little bit—

Holy shit, that’s the best you got? This is so bad!

[whispered] What the fuck are you doing?

[yelling] Are you fucking kidding me!?

Hey, do we think that [name]’s handshake or his kiss is more trustworthy?

Oh, thanks everybody, sorry I introduced the kissing thing as something we have to maintain now as part of our cover. 

[captainnellbatoast]

SHARKS, SHARKS AND MORE SHARKS

The subject area I'd like to choose for my FMP is shark attacks which is a theme that I'm really interested in and have a pre-existing knowledge of. The subject of shark attacks is full of incorrect preconceptions that’s been majorly informed by the portrayal of attacks in cult films such as Jaws. These have completely moulded the culture of swimming in the sea worldwide, and the overall view of sharks. 

In particular within this subject I’d like to investigate the conflict between human and shark, exploring the villainization of singular sharks which has been heavily influenced by pop culture. I’d like to adopt a process focussed on pacing, suspense, conflict while introducing tone of voice and possibly conversational dialect to the language.

Before 1916 there was skepticism if a shark could even take down a human. In the summer of that year that would be immensely disproved as 5 people were attacked in 11 days on the shore of New Jersey, 4 of which were fatalities. This spree of attacks, which inspired Jaws, birthed the idea that there is a sole shark out there hunting humans, when in fact it is far more likely that a group of sharks moved into that area due to a migrational change, and at the height of summer and beach bathers there happened to be 5 attacks from a collection of sharks. More coincidence than not.

One thing that really fascinates me about this is the vilanization of a single shark which has led to the strange misconception that if you catch a shark around the time of an attack, especially if when gutted it has human remains inside it, your shore will now be safe. The relationship between sharks and humans widely exists as hunt or be hunted even though most people won’t ever encounter a shark in the wild. Does this fear stem from a power complex or is it purely survival instinct induced? Is the fear that we will be hunted or killed? Could this inform a discussion appreciating sharks as hunters and gorgeously engineered killing machines, through an act of respect? 

The chances of you being killed by a falling coconut are higher than both being fatally injured by a shark or surviving the attack. Despite most people having a grasp on this concept, or similar, the fear takes over when swimming in murky or even clear open water to the point that many people are fearful and have doubts whilst swimming on even British coasts.

How has culture informed this fear? Jaws has scarred many many children and adults from young ages due to Spielberg’s masterful avoidance of the 12 rating. It is quite hard to believe that it was, and remains, a PG rated film. When speaking to those who were born in the 70s about their first memory of Jaws they often remark how they left the cinema during the screening or how it took a long time to come to terms with their experience of it as they were shit scared. Some note not even wanting to get in the bath. I remember watching the opening scene at 9 on Youtube and then really struggling to grow a pair and get into the sea that summer which I found profoundly odd as I had always really liked monster movies and tended to be a very fearless child when it came to stuff like that. Films like King Kong, Jurassic Park, Coraline, Monster House, which a lot of kids had issues watching, I couldn’t get enough of, but what was different about Jaws though was it could be real. I was able to establish the impossibleness of the other films, but 9 year old me couldn't get it out of my head that unless I never got into the water again I would never truly be safe. I’m still not sure which bit of being attacked by a shark I was more scared for at that point, or if it was just the concept and visual of Alex’s raft floating back all bloody and solo- that stuck with me more than the gorey death bit because I found that kind of cool. Luckily for me peer pressure took over that summer and I got into the water and kind of eliminated that fear. It wasn’t until I went snorkelling in the Caribbean 2 years ago in deep open water that I had to confront this feeling again. Not being able to have 360 vision constantly in crystal clear water was almost scarier than being in murky waters. I have now decided that I think the scariest part of being attacked by a shark (for me) would be if I was in clear water and seeing it swimming straight at me from a distance because at that point nothing is going to be able to stop it. 

I could find legs in this concept of fear and begin a tonal conversation on disaster in general and how it is responded to, both culturally and socially. It also begins to beg questions of why are we so scared of the shark species specifically and not say jellyfish when the stings kill way more people annually than sharks. Is it all down to the teeth; the engineering of the shark? What is the land equivalent of the shark? - is there one? or is the shark far superior to any other creature to currently exist? And how has the term been reappropriated to describe a type of person - “he’s a lone shark” “you shark”

I really enjoy watching shark attack documentaries. I like how they remind me how powerless humans can be in a world they dominate, especially when they’re taken off land. By entering the ocean you’re on a shark’s turf at the end of the day so if you get got can you really blame the shark? The varying amount of damage each species can do really shows the dominance of sharks and how perilous an encounter can be. The fact that great whites remain as one of the only animals that humans cannot keep in captivity without them dying almost immediately is a credit to the species.

I also like shark attack programmes because of the suspense and gore that’s recounted. Some of the injuries seem so alien that they come across as fictional and like they’re part of films. I’m not squeamish so on the rare occasions they show in detail injuries and footage of the attacks it’s my lucky day.

As well as accounts of attacks, documentaries often cover and explore preventative measures in shark ‘hotspots’ which has increased my fascination in the species itself a lot more recently. For example, surfers are now encouraged to wear blue patterned wetsuits that mimic the surface of the water as black wetsuits make you look like a seal (shark food). The other issue with black wetsuits, and also patterned, often neon ones, is the shark’s inability to see colour due to its single long-wavelength sensitive cone type in the retina, which means any high contrast in the water is easy to identify and track.

Recently I’ve been researching how climate change will impact shark migration and therefore attacks. The warmer a shark is, the more energy it has for hunting and migration, and with ocean temperatures rising sharks are become more active and migrating to new areas now that the sea is warm enough to be inhabited. Sharks currently found off the Spanish coast and in the Mediteraean are predicted to move north for the first time ever, meaning they could be entering British seas by 2050. Sharks predicted to follow this migration pattern include white hammerheards, blacktips and sandtigers. I wonder if British coasts homed sharks what the cultural and societal response would be to this. This could also spark a speculative investigation into the future of the shark.

I still stand by my 10 year old self’s opinion that death by shark is probably the coolest way to go.