#that was made up of songs relatable to psychosis | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

insanelyadd · 1 year

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If the song fits it fits, regardless of possible embarrassment. Anyway, lets hear what songs you put together, and what your reasons are!

Oh ho ho, you just gave me a chance to talk about music, hee hee hoo hoo.

Okay so I'll start with the playlist I made for the Collector, as a heads up note about all of these playlists, I am far from done, so while they're all short right now, I will be getting around to adding more.

Through Glass by Stone Sour -

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass Don't know how much time has passed All I know is that it feels like forever When no one ever tells you that forever feels like home Sitting all alone inside your head How do you feel? That is the question But I forget you don't expect an easy answer When something like a soul becomes initialized And folded up like paper dolls and little notes You can't expect a bit of hope So while you're outside looking in Describing what you see Remember what you're staring at is me (...) How much is real? So much to question An epidemic of the mannequins Contaminating everything We thought came from the heart It never did right from the start Just listen to the noises (Null and void instead of voices) Before you tell yourself It's just a different scene Remember it's just different from what you've seen (...) And it's the stars The stars that shine for you And it's the stars The stars that lie to you, yeah-ah And it's the stars The stars that shine for you And it's the stars The stars that lie to you, yeah-ah

I cannot stress enough that these are the actual lyrics and I did not move them around or anything, all I did was remove the repeating verses/choruses. This song came out in 2006. An absolute shoe-in to be used in AMVs for this little guy except it's a rock song from 2006 and not an indie-pop song from the last five years and it's also not popular.

I was doing my usual thing like a week or two ago where I go through a bunch of songs I heard on the radio when I was in elementary school and as I was relistening to this song I felt like I had lost my mind. I remember relating to this song a lot when I was little kid because the song is about being lonely, and I think the Collector would relate to it too. More kids should listen to rock music from the 2000s because I am deluded* and think a lot of it is good. Music critics tremble before me when they try to say nu metal is bad and I just say "Nah".

(*Yes I do have psychosis and have delusions for realsies, I can use this word)

After this it's all under the cut because this post will end up being long because I fucking love talking about lyrics and the fun little picture shows my brain makes when I hear a song that fits a character. if you don't feel like reading the Archivists playlist discussion be happy knowing I summed all of them up in one picture:

No Lullaby by Siames -

What's the meaning when you have a broken home, home, home? Where's the love when you were left on your own? So alone

The most relevant lyrics in the song are the chorus because the verses on this song are super abstract, like more than their other songs that I've heard. Final lines of the song are the above lines but instead of "so alone" it says "Who says you're on your own?" which feels like how their arc concludes in the show.

All the Best by Siames -

Let's play pretend now Don't be afraid, no Stop being worried this could be the way We are what we made up Ready for a new start Follow your dreams no other way will be that great And I'll keep searching for all the best Picture yourself in a rocket and believe you can be anything you want The meaning of our actions feeds the power of attraction, let it flow Just let it flow It's right under our noses Going through our minds With passion and devotion (with passion and devotion) Your light can be our sun

I feel the lyrics here are pretty self-explanatory. Since the band is Argentinian I'm going to forgive any wonkyness in the lyrics.

Steal My Sunshine by LEN -

Genuinely the lyrics for this song are very abstract but apparently it was written when the brother and sister of the group were having a fight. Though I think the lines "And of course you can't become if you only say what you would have done, So I missed a million miles of fun" are pretty good. Also it sort of just sounds like a song he would like.

Island In The Sun by Wheezer -

On an island in the sun We'll be playing and having fun And it makes me feel so fine I can't control my brain We'll run away together We'll spend some time forever We'll never feel bad anymore

Escapism, sun motif, easy pick for the Collector. Plus the song itself has this sort of fun, laid back up-beatness to it.

Kids by MGMT -

You were a child, crawling on your knees toward it Making momma so proud But your voice is too loud We like to watch you laughing You pick the insects off plants No time to think of consequences Control yourself Take only what you need from it A family of trees wanting To be haunted (...) The memories fade like looking through a fogged mirror Decision to decisions are made and not bought But I thought this wouldn't hurt a lot, I guess not

I made a whole AMV for the Collector and King set to this song, it's a perfect fit, if I were to post all the relevant lyrics I would probably end up posting the whole song. Actually fuck it I'll post them anyways for everyone who's never heard this song.

Fine by Lemon Demon - (the sped up version)

Light is on the way, we'll be having a fun time It's such a lovely day, we should pocket the sunshine And never give it back, even if there's a heat wave We're stalling on the track, it will just be a close shave I know (I know) That in a snap, all the birds will sing I know (I know) I'm full of crap, but still Everything works out nice in the end The sun will marry the moon It'll be fine Why don't we sit back, mellow again And have a nice afternoon? It'll be fine

I feel like this is a fun song for them. Once again sun and moon imagery in the song, outwardly cheerful and bouncy in that way, but menacing at the same time.

GRRRLS by Aviva - (specifically the version that's a Collector animatic)

I can't explain it better than the video explains itself, so here's a link

Best of You by Foo Fighters -

I've got another confession to make I'm your fool Everyone's got their chains to break Holding you Were you born to resist or be abused? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best The best of you?

I think it fits thematically with the Collector breaking free from the cycle of abuse he was subjected to.

When I'm Gone by 3 Doors Down -

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone Everything I am and everything in me Wants to be the one you wanted me to be I'll never let you down even if I could I'd give up everything if only for your good So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there So love me when I'm gone Love me when I'm gone But when your education x-ray cannot see under my skin I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends Been roaming through this darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone And part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone

Most annoying thing on the face of the earth when you're making playlists for child characters or siblings with terrible relationships is probably that every goddamn song you find where the lyrics are vague enough to be interpreted as a familial relationship and not romantic was probably still originally written to be romantic *strangles amatonormativity with my bare fucking hands for an hour straight*

So anyways in this context the song is about the Collector trying to reconcile their feelings about their family being shitty with their want to connect and love people and be comforted by the familiar.

Now for the playlists for the Archivists. I encourage you to look at the scroll bar on your screen. I will not judge you for looking at it and deciding you've read enough, especially since my Archivists (anyone's Archivists really) are totally made up and are basically OCs inhabiting a hole left by canon. I still have fun with them tho.

Penumbra first because she has the shortest playlist (Sorry Penny it's hard to find songs about being stressed by raising your younger siblings and being emotionally and mentally drained by stress)

Help! by The Beatles -

So much younger than today (I never need) I never needed anybody's help in any way (Now) but now these days are gone (these days are gone) I'm not so self assured (And now I find) now I find I've changed my mind And opened up the doors (...) In oh so many ways (My independ-) my independence seems to vanish in the haze (But) but every now and then (now and then) I feel so insecure

Once again on closer inspection of the lyrics I think this is AGAIN about romance. I choose to ignore it. I Do Not See It. I'm taking the implications out back and shooting them. Mainly I chose this song because it was kind of funny for everyone's playlists to be songs from the last 30 years mostly and Penny is out here like "I relate to this Beatles song which is a literal cry for help" someone save this woman (nonbinary).

Stressed Out by twenty one pilots -

Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young How come I'm never able to identify where it's coming from? I'd make a candle out of it if I ever found it Try to sell it, never sell out of it, I'd probably only sell one

*putting on a very serious face* She's stressed, she yearns for the nostalgia of when she wasn't responsible for so many things. The part about making money means nothing because I don't think Collectors participate in any economy because it's implied they don't need to eat and they could probably just magic up whatever they want/need.

Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine -

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers Leave all your love and your longing behind You can't carry it with you if you want to survive And I never wanted anything from you Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

She wants to stop being so stressed out all the time but I think if she suddenly stopped experiencing it she would probably explode. Girl needs a therapist so badly. And a vacation. I like this song because when I looked up the meaning it was like "Bad days will end and things will get better one day" and the lyrics describe the incoming happiness as graphically fatal and terrifying in its approach like being hit by a fucking train in the first two lines of the song.

D.A.N.C.E. by Justice -

No need to analyze the lyrics here, I think she would just genuinely like this song and dance to it, though I think part of it is that there's a little bit of desperation in the way it's sung, like "please dance you have to dance or you will die" which is probably how she would feel if she was given time to relax like "oh wow this has never happened before, am I supposed to be afraid?"

Next I'll do Crescent because why not. "Birth" order, sure. Also Crescent's songs should be fairly easy to explain

The Pretender by Foo Fighters -

Keep you in the dark You know they all pretend Keep you in the dark And so it all began Send in your skeletons Sing as their bones go marching in again They need you buried deep The secrets that you keep are ever ready Are you ready? (...) What if I say I'm not like the others? What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? You're the pretender What if I say I will never surrender? I'm the voice inside your head You refuse to hear I'm the face that you have to face Mirroring your stare I'm what's left, I'm what's right I'm the enemy I'm the hand that'll take you down Bring you to your knees So, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Keep you in the dark You know they all pretend

I mean. She's a liar, a pretender, she's keeping a secret (having their parent taken away) from her siblings. He's an evil bastard. This explanation will be the standard response to most songs in this playlist but maybe from different angles.

Dangerous by Big Data ft Joywave -

Nobody's listening when we're alone Nobody's listening, there's nobody listening, No one can hear us when we're alone No one can hear us, no, no one can hear us And I've gotta get out of here Sink down, into the dark Keep on running I've gotta get out of here (Keep on running) Sink down, into the dark You understand, they got a plan for us I bet you didn't know that I was dangerous It must be fate, I found a place for us I bet you didn't know someone could love you this much

A little bit uncharacteristically paranoid for Crescent tbh, but the song is fucking awesome and even though the most fitting part of the song is only one line "I bet you didn't know that I was dangerous" it is sung in this sort of taunting way that really has enough threatening intent to be perfect for him.

Miss Murder by AFI -

With just a look, they shook And heavens bowed before him Simply a look can break your heart The stars that pierce the sky He left them all behind We're left to wonder why He left us all behind

After reading the lyrics I have a suspicion they aren't what 10 year old me interpreted them to be about. That's alright. I can imagine the verses are about all the times Crescent has made cults to worship her (I have a HC that Collectors primarily do this as a means of acquiring samples from all the planets they visit because it's easier to convince the most advanced life on the planet that you are a god who demands tribute and getting them to mobilize for you VS going around finding all the animals and plants and whatever else yourself).

I Can't Decide by Scissor Sisters -

I've got to hand it to you You've played by all the same rules It takes the truth to fool me And now you've made me angry I can't decide Whether you should live or die Oh, you'll probably go to heaven Please don't hang your head and cry No wonder why My heart feels dead inside It's cold and hard and petrified Lock the doors and close the blinds We're going for a ride

Did I tell you guys??? Did I mention??? Crescent likes to kill people???? Most interesting part of this choice is how the truth will fool him, which is true. If she believes something that isn't true about you and makes the wrong assumptions based on that it's better for you in the long run, though continued exposure to her increases the chances that he'll eventually realize he made the wrong guess and then he'll get Very Mad about it.

Breezeblocks by alt-J -

No lyrical analysis because yeah they don't really fit but I like the song for the vibe, mainly the ending, though that sort of repetitive mania isn't really in line with how I characterize Crescent. I personally love it, this song triggers my mania sometimes and it's great.

Lone Digger by Caravan Palace -

Another one where it's less about how I write the character and more about what I think she'd like to listen or dance to. I think she would enjoy the frantic energy of the song.

You're Gonna Go Far Kid by Offspring -

Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time And turning all against the one is an art that's hard to teach Another clever word sets off an unsuspecting herd And as you step back into line, a mob jumps to their feet (...) With a thousand lies and a good disguise Hit 'em right between the eyes Hit 'em right between the eyes When you walk away, nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See 'em running for their lives Slowly out of line, and drifting closer in your sight So play it out, I'm wide awake, it's a scene about me There's something in your way and now someone is gonna pay And if you can't get what you want, well, it's all because of me

I feel like the picture here is clear, liar, manipulative, doesn't show her true face so she's always in disguise (metaphorically), the implication of murder/fighting. *slaps the hood of this song* This baby can fit so many of Crescent's worst qualities in it.

I Get It by CheVelle -

So you say you're ignored, as it is Well, give us your sad, sad trip You're right, I get it It all makes sense, you're the perfect person So bright, so wrong Let's all live in your imaginary life Assumed it's whether We're right, or wrong We're doomed and there's plenty for all How dare you catch me counting? How dare you call at all? How dare you call this suffering? How dare you call at all?

Crescent's inner monologue if either of the Twins voice their concerns about anything. Someone needs to hit him with a car.

Annihilation by A Perfect Circle -

It's your choice, your choice, your choice, your choice, Peace or annihilation

This song I think is originally about the American military industrial complex and nuclear war. So anyways for my dumb little OC's playlist this is basically the choice they give the people of the planets they visit if they start to get hostile. "Hey, I know things are tense but have you considered that I will boil your oceans and burn your world to ash if you don't choose to be nice?" Obviously it's also another instance of the song only really having one or two lines that strongly fit the vibe but you see the vision?

You're Going Down by Sick Puppies -

Define your meaning of war To me, it's what we do when we're bored I feel the heat comin' off of the blacktop And it makes me want it more Because I'm hyped up, out of control If it's a fight, I'm ready to go I wouldn't put my money on the other guy If you know what I know that I know (...) This is hardly worth fighting for But it's the little petty shit that I can't ignore When my fist hits your face and your face hits the floor It'll be a long time comin' Bet you got the message now 'Cause I was never goin' Yeah, you're the one that's going down

Oh hey one thing I haven't said about Crescent yet is she sometimes beats the shit out of her siblings (mainly Solari who instigates it on purpose even though she knows she'll lose because it's worth it to them to get under his skin). Well when I say "beats the shit out of them" I mean it more like Crescent can get a single good solid hit in and it knocks Solari down and the fight is over. Solari has never actually been mad enough to push their luck into a full-on brawl with Crescent. If Solari actually, for real, wants to fight him then she duels him with magic instead because it's an even match-up.

Next up I'll do Solari

She also has You're Going Down, but intended from the opposite perspective, while Crescent is the singer, Solari is the listener.

The Red by CheVelle -

The red Well, it filters through So lay down The threat is real When his sight Goes red again Seeing red again Seeing red again

You might be wondering, is this another song from Solari's perspective about Crescent? No. Solari gets so mad she basically loses all control of herself, hence the destruction of property she does. If they ever got actually mad enough to actually fight Crescent for real with their hands, she would be a very dirty fighter. She sees Crescent on her missions visiting the worlds of mortals. She's watched him fight for thousands of years. Crescent has never seen Solari fight with their hands. She might not be as physically strong as he is but she would be able to have the advantage of Crescent not knowing what to expect. Plus if Satellite is there and something has made their twin THAT mad then they would join in too.

Headstrong by Trapt -

Conclusions manifest Your first impressions got to be your very best I see you're full of shit and that's alright That's how you play, I guess you get through every night Well, now that's over I see your fantasy You wanna make it a reality paved in gold See inside, inside of our heads, yeah Well, now that's over I see your motives inside Decisions to hide Back off, I'll take you on Headstrong to take on any one I know that you are wrong Headstrong, we're headstrong

Solari's mind when they're about to start shit with Crescent again. Unrelated I saw the band was marked red on my screen earlier and I was like "???" for a half second before remembering the lead singer is a dipshit loser who whines on twitter and facebook because I guess he has nothing better to do. May the miserable cretin never chart again.

Oh No! by Marina -

I just wanna change I just wanna change I just wanna change I just wanna change I just wanna change I know exactly what I want and who I want to be I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no, oh! One track mind, one track heart If I fail, I'll fall apart Maybe it is all a test 'Cause, I feel like I'm the worst So I always act like I'm the best

We've come to the portion of the playlist where Solari is consumed by guilt and regret. It's actually not separated like that, I'm just saying these lines speak to how she wants to change who she is as a person because she realizes she doesn't like who she currently is. Not that Penumbra or Crescent would know she's trying to get better, because Solari doesn't respect either of them and does not put in effort into improving herself for them, she's doing it for her little brother, the Collector. Even if she never gets to see them again.

Bother by Stone Sour -

Wish I was too dead to cry My self-affliction fades Stones to throw at my creator Masochists to which I cater You don't need to bother I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on I won't let go 'til it bleeds Wish I was too dead to care If indeed I cared at all Never had a voice to protest So you fed me shit to digest I wish I had a reason My flaws are open season For this, I gave up trying One good turn deserves my dying

I did mention they are being eaten alive by guilt and regrets right? This is for when Solari is having a bad time in her head.

Riot by Three Days Grace -

If you feel so empty So used up, so let down If you feel so angry So ripped off, so stepped on You're not the only one refusing to back down You're not the only one, so get up Let's start a riot A riot Let's start a riot

Solari is ready and back to being angry. They totally would incite a riot if they felt like they had a good enough reason to start one.

Fine Again by Seether -

And I am aware now Of how everything's gonna be fine One day, too late, I'm in Hell I am prepared now Seems everyone's gonna be fine One day, too late, just as well I feel a dream in me expire And there's no one left to blame it on I hear you label me a liar 'Cause I can't seem to get this through

Just kidding it's Solari Emo Hours again. The only line in the song that doesn't really apply are the lines about staying sober because I HC that there isn't really any chemical that has any effect on Collectors like that. Anyways this is Solari being like "Wow the two older siblings were able to just go back to pretending everything is fine after getting rid of our baby sibling what the fuck."

These next three songs Solari shares with Satellite so I'll talk about why I chose them for both.

Send the Pain Below by CheVelle -

I liked having hurt So send the pain below Where I need it You used to beg me to take care of things And smile at the thought of me failing But long before having hurt I'd send the pain below I'd send the pain below Much like suffocating Much like suffocating (...) You used to run me away all while laughing Then cry about the fact 'til I returned But long before having hurt I'd send the pain below I'd send the pain below

This is a bit messy but whenever the lines say "You did this" that's a perspective shift for the line from the twins' perspective to The Collector. Basically another song about the twins regretting being shitheads to their baby brother.

Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park -

Memories consume Like opening the wound I'm picking me apart again You all assume I'm safe here in my room Unless I try to start again I don't want to be the one The battles always choose 'Cause inside I realize That I'm the one confused I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I know it's not alright So, I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'm going to assume some of this song is about some type of addiction. I'm disregarding that. Anyways the part about behavioral issues and not knowing why you act the way you do does align with the twins, and I mentioned it previously with Solari, about her trying to get better for the Collector, if he ever returns, but the same applies to Satellite. Though Satellite is at least attempting to practice this with Penumbra and Crescent. It's kind of difficult because they're so afraid of both of them, and Crescent avoids talking to them whenever he's actually around.

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men -

I don't like walking around this old and empty house So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear The stairs creak as you sleep It's keeping me awake It's the house telling you to close your eyes And some days I can't even dress myself It's killing me to see you this way 'Cause though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore There's an old voice in my head That's holding me back Well, tell her that I miss our little talks Soon it will be over and buried with our past We used to play outside when we were young And full of life and full of love Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear 'Cause though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore Don't listen to a word I say (Hey) The screams all sound the same (Hey) And though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore You're gone, gone, gone away I watched you disappear All that's left is a ghost of you Now we're torn, torn, torn apart There's nothing we can do Just let me go, we'll meet again soon Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around I'll see you when I fall asleep

Yeah it's basically the full song. Once again the lyrics were vague and I had to dig around to find out it was written with romance in mind but I am sending my fucking mind beams out and blowing that up. Anyways tell me this couldn't be about Satellite and Solari's guilt for how they treated their little sibling and the last verse here where they "watched you disappear" is about when the Collector was imprisoned, and the torn apart bit is how they feel about their family. I might not identify as asexual anymore (further testing necessary I'll get back to you all on this if it turns out to be true) but I am still going to be fucking grabbing songwriters in my mouth and violently shaking them. Please can you just write complex interesting relationships into songs without being "OH YEAH IT'S ROMANCE" man there's other types of love. Please. I am on my fucking hands and knees.

*double checks playlist* Oh shit Fine Again by Seether is also on Satellite's playlist. Same explanation applies. Don't feel like moving shit around and adding accommodations in the existing text, I've been working on this for four hours because I have severe ADHD and I am dogshit at prioritizing anything.

If you get this far comment on the post about my brave stance that if a candle smells good enough I would eat it. It hasn't happened yet but my toasted coconut s'more candle tempts me every fucking time I smell it.

Anyways now it's Just Satellite

Unwell by Matchbox Twenty -

Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown And I don't know why But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell But stay a while and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know, right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be, me

Fun fact I actually listen to this song when I feel like I might be about to have a bout of existential terror or some other flavor of mental breakdown and singing along to it calms me down. Obviously, Satellite would be able to relate about feeling gripped by a nebulous madness that Changes You when it hits. I actually have an idea for what I might have unintentionally gave them. Like. This is buried deep enough no one will hit it.

Anyways like a few days after I wrote my fucking long ass post about the Archivists and Collector's relationships and related HC and shit I began wondering. "Am I Autistic??" Asked a friend who is autistic and has ADHD at the same time (like what I would have if the answer to this wonder is yes) and she gave me some things to read about it and I was like "oh my fucking god this is literally all me." and then, because I'm some type of menace freak and I reread my posts that I like frequently, I reread my post about the Archivists and shit and I was like "Ah fuck are they all autistic??? I knew I couldn't write neurotypical people because I have literally never been one but seriously??????"

Point is: I might be autistic. Mentioning it here and now because it seems like getting an actual diagnosis is going to be a huge fucking pain in the ass and won't happen for months. And I might have made the Archivists all autistic or probably other slivers of my various other mental illnesses because I am physically incapable writing a neurotypical person. Circling around to what started this tangent: Satellite absolutely has autistic meltdowns. I don't know if ADHD people get meltdowns like how I imagine Satellite gets them, but they are modeled after My Own experiences with having meltdowns. So anyways back to music analysis in relation to my dumbass little OCs.

Bound For The Floor by Local H -

Born to be down I've learned all my lessons before now Born to be down I think you'll get used to it And you just don't get it, you keep it copacetic And you learn to accept it, you know you're so pathetic (...) Born to be down I think that I've said this before now Born to be down What good is confidence?

I've actually always related this song to mental illness, ever since I was a kid, I always associated the song with the struggles of growing up neurodivergent and how it beats you down and you learn to accept it and live with it.

Words As Weapons by Seether -

All I really want is something beautiful to say Keep me locked up in your broken mind I keep searchin', never been able to find a Light behind your dead eyes Not anything at all You keep living in your own lie, ever-deceitful and ever-unfaithful Keep me guessin', keep me terrified Take everything from my world (...) Keep me dumb, keep me paralyzed Why try swimming? I'm drowning in fables You're not that saint that you externalize You're not anything at all It's oh-so playful when you demonize To spit out the hateful, you're willing and able Words are weapons I'd be terrified You're nothing in my world

Now a song for how Satellite feels about Crescent. Once again, about a person who lies and projects a self that isn't true to who they really are, and the singer is terrified of them, which fits because that's how Satellite feels about their older brother. Crescent is physically strong and gifted with weapons but her best weapon is her charisma and charm and how she uses it to manipulate people.

Keep Talking by Pink Floyd -

There's a silence surrounding me I can't seem to think straight I sit in the corner And no one can bother me I think I should speak now (why won't you talk to me?) I can't seem to speak now (you never talk to me) My words won't come out right (what are you thinking?) I feel like I'm drowning (what are you feeling?) I'm feeling weak now (why won't you talk to me?) But I can't show my weakness (you never talk to me) I sometimes wonder (what are you thinking?) Where do we go from here (what are you feeling?) I feel like I'm drowning (You never talk to me) you know I can't breathe now (What are you thinking?) We're going nowhere (What are you feeling?) We're going nowhere (Why won't you talk to me?) (You never talk to me) (What are you thinking?) (Where do we go from here?)

Now I saved this one for last even though it was literally the first song I ever started associating with Satellite because I think it really fits them. I think this is what it's like from their perspective when they have a meltdown. I don't really know how else to describe it so I guess I'll break this down line by line because sunk cost fallacy at this point why not.

"There's a silence surrounding me" in my own experience with meltdowns, which is what Satellite's are based off of, I find that all the blood rushes to my ears and I sort of lose the ability to recognize sound?

"I can't seem to think straight" probably self-explanatory but in my experience I stop having coherent thought and kind of only think in impulses.

"I sit in the corner, and no one can bother me," though this wasn't always the case (like when you're a child experiencing this you don't really understand what is even happening, and you develop this later in like when it's more like "ah this shit again") you will typically try to remove yourself from the situation that is causing you the distress that makes you have a meltdown in the first place.

"I think I should speak now, I can't seem to speak now, My words won't come out right" this could either be interpreted as a meltdown where you just shut down and stop talking or a meltdown where you fucking scream, I tended to have ones where I would just scream, but that might be because when I get the other way I end up crying silently instead so I might have filed those moments away as just normal "I am sad" moments?

"I feel like I'm drowning" meltdowns can be overwhelming, and when I'm overwhelmed I tend to stop my feet and flail my arms and sort of contort myself because?? I don't know. It feels like I'm trying to escape my own body honestly. Drowning in myself.

"I'm feeling weak now, but I can't show my weakness" this shit is fucking humiliating to have happen in public and around other people man, it sucks ass.

So anyways that is my ridiculously long ass post about music and my little bastards (and baby, the Collector is only baby) that I spent FIVE HOURS writing. I am going to go wash my hands because Bad Texture, drink some water, and then get floor time which is time where I lie face down on my floor and pretend to be a dead body.

#toh the collector #the collector #toh the archivists #the archivists #I am not going to fucking tag all these bands do you want me to be here for six hours???#musical discussion #if you want to skip to the end I did a great analysis of Keep Talking by Pink Floyd #and how you could interpret it as a song about having a meltdown #answears #long post under the cut #I am not fucking kidding if you open this post Prepare Yourself #toh spoilers

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power-chords · 2 years

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please tell us about when you met the who!?

To make a long story short: a friend and I miraculously managed to get second row tickets to see The Who at the Garden in 2006* — this was long before the current Ticketmaster situation + declining Who tour market made it possible to have like a 25% chance at a front/second row seat each tour which is more or less how it’s been for the past 10 years. I had just turned 18 like a day or two ago. Keep in mind that I am the biggest Who fan in the world, like to the point of psychosis, and I have been this way since I was a preteen. I wind up next to this 50-something dude who’s kind of stealing looks at me the whole time and it makes me a little nervous so I just try to ignore it. After the show he comes up to me with his wife (phew!) and they bestow me and my friend with their AAA passes. The guy says to me, “I saw you singing along with every song. You knew every word. You deserve these more than we do.”

And so I went backstage and thanked Pete Townshend for being the single most powerful artistic force in my life, the reason I relate to music in the way that I do and understand it in the way that I do. Told him that his work with the band as a live act has given me access to such a depth of existential happiness and fulfillment that it has translated into a lifesaving resilience. Then he thanked me too! And I was very, very happy.

I obviously kept the pass, you can kind of see it here in my cubicle at work lol:

*After the Concert for New York it was WHO FEVER in NYC from like 2002-2009

#the who #gig diaries

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dubhdove156 · 2 years

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I've always been a highly rational, logical, contemplative person, but in 2016, a sane person saw something incredibly insane when they died before being resuscitated.

What is after this life is not intended to fit in the human mind.

I'll attach a quote from a brainstorm-esque rough draft that I'm writing now.

"In 2016, prior to my near-death experience, I was a particularly obnoxious and grandiose Nihilistic atheist. I thought that I had everything figured out, and found comfort in that. Put simply, my existential philosophy was as follows: if there is nothing after death, which I was certain of, and “something” can’t become “nothing”, then it logically follows that here and now, all of this is nothing. Overall, I came to the conclusion as a fairly edgy teenager that existence is an incomprehensible illusion, and the truth is that nothing exists; I do not exist, nor do you or the wider world around us. This caused me to become notably psuedo-psychopathic, the question of value became null and void. Morality itself was meaningless, and the purpose of life became a matter of enjoying every moment to its absolute fullest, regardless of the danger to myself or others. I had a question that I asked myself – which novel would you prefer? One that is highly relatable but much too long, or one that is thrilling, with new situations around each corner, but much too short? This was my existential crisis. I, of course, as a teenager with limited foresight, took the latter novel, with a philosophy that we’ve termed now as, “I’m here for a good time, not a long time.” Survival was no longer a matter of importance, instead, I found myself chasing every sensation; I had the grandiose and idealistic fantasy of experiencing everything, learning everything, doing everything, in as short a time as possible. I was set on stuffing as many lifetimes into my existence as possible, before my sensation-chasing lead to an untimely death.

One thing that bothered me in that stage of my life was a seemingly simple question; what is “nothing?” Most would respond with, “it simply isn’t”, but that wasn’t enough for me. Because this was, and this was nothingness, correct? So what is nothing? That question, I could only find the answer to upon death, and I will share that briefly.

At the age of 19, I was binging a cocktail of ketamine and fairly pure crystalized MDMA. The mistake that I made here, was that I didn’t bring the materials required to intramuscularly inject ketamine, which was the only method that I had grown accustomed to, and had learned how to properly dose. I was with my friend, Vince, and my ex-girlfriend, Bria, in the back of an establishment that I worked in. I remember this event clearly. Instead of injecting the ketamine, I snorted the powder, and had no clue of my own limits. We were listening to music on my laptop, and while a song played that I particularly enjoyed was playing, something sudden came over me; an alien yet familiar sensation. I felt as though I was beginning to enter a panic attack; a deep, innate knowing that now is the time that I die, that this is it. But, interestingly and most notably to me, no sense of panic came. Instead, I felt a level of indescribable bliss that I cannot put into words. It was absolute contentment – I could suddenly see my entire life in front of me, and I was… happy with it. I felt that I had done what I had come to do, that I had succeeded, that now is the perfect time for death. I was… excited, rather than scared. Not in any depressive or suicidal sense, but rather in a sense of accomplishment and completeness.

The sensation of disconnection and dissociation grew in intensity, and rapidly. I told my friends that something was wrong; I had experienced a wide array of drug-induced experiences, from psychosis to k-holes and the like, but this was different. I got up from my chair, laid on my back, and quite simply accepted this sensation as it was. It was then that I lost consciousness, and later, a pulse overall. My friends, while I wasn’t present, called the paramedics. On my end, my identity ceased to exist. Some refer to seeing a “light”, but I saw through the light. It was everything and nothing simultaneously, every experience over the entirety of spacetime, lived within an instant. I was no longer myself, I was All, I was absolute, I knew everything, did everything, was everything. From beginning to end to beginning again, eternally. I could experience spacetime from the outside as a singular, objective thing. Infinite infinities, over and over again, forever and never. Ceaseless creation and destruction. And in my absolution, my omniscience, all knowing came to a singular gnosis, which reverberated throughout the entirety of existence as simply, “I Am.”

After I was resuscitated, I had a very loose grip on my identity, and the solidity of reality. It was like I was shattered into millions of miniscule pieces, and I was tasked, in order to survive in this perverse world, to piece myself back together in a panicked rush. At the time, I suffered from moderate amnesia, I had many instances of lifelong family and friends speaking to me as though they had known me for ages, yet I had no idea who they were.

It was at that time, that I had accepted that the otherside was absolute; that there was nothing greater than that, that I sought to define and stuff it into my tiny human brain. I found resonance in the highly abstract symbolisms of the occult, namely the Jewish Kabbalah, and the Hermetic Qabalah."

"**The answer to the question, “what is nothing?” is actually exceedingly simple. “Nothing” is the possibility of “Everything.” It is absolute potential. Everything is merely absolute potential being actively actualized; imagined, dreamed. In this sense, I like to imagine the Universe as simply God’s daydream; we are His eyes and His hands. You can think of a blank canvas; anything can go onto that canvas, and anything can happen to that canvas. The outward expanse of the void; creation, or rather spacetime, is only a series of infinite possibilities. I do personally believe in the Multiverse, in the sense that for the Universe to be truly infinite, all possibilities must exist, so to that extent, if I choose Left, there is a variant of myself who chooses Right. I consider predetermination to be a strong possibility; am I really choosing Left, or is that the only possibility which hasn’t been taken? Is this version of myself simply an iteration that has yet to finish his cycle?

Conversely, for “Everything” to be truly everything, it must contain the conceptual essence of nothingness. This lends itself to the idea that “Everything” and “Nothing”, are codependent on one another; consorts, in a sense. Everything is the kinetic application of the infinite potential of Nothing.

Everything (אין סוף אוך), is the kinetic application of the infinite potential (אין סוף), of Nothing (אין).

In Kabbalistic terms, this “Nothing” is referred to by three names, excluding simply G-d; Ein, Ein Sof, and Ein Sof Aur. For a rough translation, these can be interpreted as, “Nothing/Without”, “Without End/Infinity”, and “Endless/Infinite Light/Creation.” Some Hermetic Qabalists refer to these as the essences of, “Being, Life, and Light.” It is from there that the first Sephirot emanates, Kether, the Crown. Kether is the Godhead, the unification of division. From Kether comes Chokmah – imagination without form, a spark of intuition without ignition. From Kether and Chokmah comes Binah – intuition which has ignited and gained cohesion. This separation of Chokmah and Binah is where we find the first divide."

#near death experience #death and dying #death #afterlife #philosophy #occultism #occult #moksha #absolution #kabbalistic #kabbalah #qabalah #qabbalah #qabalistic #Spotify

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rememberthe1fallofsnow · 2 months

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as a non swiftie with psychosis, id love to know how she makes you feel seen- maybe i dont pay enough attention to the lyrics of her songs when i hear them, but i had no idea they could make people like me feel seen.

i'd love some reccomendations on particular songs you think encapsulates the feeling of being psychotic/mentally ill in general !!

Hey! Thanks for your patience, I’ve been living hell lately and wanted to give you a thorough answer.

So as a general response (but i will definitely put a list somewhere in this ask with all my recs), I do want to preface by saying I am not and will never diagnose Taylor with anything. When I say “this song reminds me of my psychosis” or “this song is so BPD coded,” it’s my own experience and interpretation of a piece of art that she willingly gave out to be experienced and interpreted.

That being said, I’ll also say that when I say a lot of her songs remind me of having psychosis, it’s not about the staple paranoia, hallucinations, delusions, etc that you may experience (although if anyone has any song recs that do relay that lmk pls lmao all I know is paranoia by neoni 😭😭), it’s more about the slightly more widely experienced, uhhhh, “look” to other people? And to explain that, let’s take a deep dive at uhhhh Blank Space

Ok so the first few stanzas, which I’ll put a picture of here, she’s obviously setting the scene of the song and outright states like twice that the relationship will not last. Before my current partner, that was definitely my viewpoint on things. Knowing my mental illnesses will get in the way of any healthy relationships. That doesn’t immediately spell out psychosis but let’s move.

“Got a long list of ex-lovers; they’ll tell you I’m insane.” So yeah here we get to the meat of it, she’s clearly (imo) acknowledging the “crazy bitch” label and I think that’s something every psychotic person experiences to some degree, even the cishet white masc ones. Like yeah probably not as much as like an afab person or a femme aligned person or someone else, but you can’t act like ableism is ever fully stopped by privilege. It’s not.

More on being a crazy bitch—she has a lot of songs on this. She has a lot to say. I will keep listening, bc yeah lmao.

Ok this next part is like… really relatable to me?? Let me know if you agree, lyrics I’m about to discuss are the next image.

So like yeah it’s like a fun song and it sounds upbeat n shit and like I do have a lot of fun listening to it, but if we pay attention to what she’s actually saying, it’s like yeah she’s throwing a party but that’s because what else is there to do? She’s tried controlling it, she’s tried getting help, getting better, she’s tried being honest, being fake, nothing works. (She is me I am she). So… guess we’re crazy bitches now

I don’t know if any of this is making sense so far, ugh it definitely made more sense in my head

Anyway thats like a super basic example but honestly the what I would personally call ableism that she has had to deal with is LITTERED in her songs. Whether she’s psychotic or not, whether she has BPD or not, anything else, idc. Even if she’s perfectly fucking mentally healthy. Anyone coming at her (or her fans, or uhhh anyone??) for displaying what look like poor mental health symptoms, whether they are or not, is coming at her with ableism.

Ok let me pull up Delilah’s /sys playlist lmao.

Ok screenshotted below is our alter Delilah’s playlist, two of them are not Taylor so have fun. But yeah I’ll quickly run through a few of them:

Don’t Blame Me—the feeling of being absolutely consumed by love that it feels like you��re high, like you’re losing your mind, like you’re out of control, and loving it

New Romantics—the feeling of wanting everyone who ever abused you to watch you sing the eras tour live on stage 53 times in the States and 30 international, but they can’t afford to come to the Eras tour themselves or even buy that Spotify sweatshirt that they won (bc they’re a top fan because they listen to your music on loop because your success pisses them off and idk i guess they just don’t know what to do with that) so they talk shit about you online on anon on like young girl’s tumblr accounts trying to like “downfall” the swiftie nation but everyone blocks them immediately, they’re an idiot, and ur still singing the Eras tour in 53 cities in the US and 30 internationally so idk who’s winning?

Who’s afraid of little old me?—fuck you fuck you fuck you it’s your fault i’m like this and now I have to fucking clean it up so fuck you and also watch me absolutely destroy your life with nothing but my songs you idiot fuck you

(I got carried away really fast rip)

Ok yeah this wasn’t as good of an answer as I hoped I’d make but I hope it at least made some sort of sense and my ask box is always open, swiftie or not.

#hm smth tells me this post might give us hate #ready the block button sire #swiftie #swiftie nation #taylor nation #ttpd #delusions #psychosis #swiftie blog #taylor swift #mental health matters #did system #endos dni #dissociative identity disorder #1989 #schizophreniasswiftie #<- added it to my friend’s tag bc i think she’d have thoughts roo #even if she didnt want to share them

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angelxxreaper · 3 years

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About The Blog:

Important HC's that pertain to the lore of this blog, unless spoken otherwise. This list may update over time.

Biographical Info

Bio

My Philza is 1,869 years old. 500 of those years were spent in near perfect isolation.

Philza is an Avian/Elytrian hybrid. He is crow man. He has avian markings, bird-like hands and feet, wings and a tail as well as feathered ears. He has some bird qualities :)

Some of these bird qualities include: chirping/trilling, going into torpor, enjoying worms, enjoying shiny objects, building nests, having long talon nails, perching, etc.

Philza canonically has issues with the passage in time. axxr Phil has dyschronometria, so he will consistently have issues with this and with time units.

Philza doesn’t use tone indicators, but can if asked.

He does not care about his gender or sexuality, and will answer to anything as long as he knows he’s being addressed. If asked, he says he uses he/him for himself but doesn’t care. For my purposes, and for his as well, his gender is simply bird.

The Hardcore Lore and Antarctic Empire Lore is canon to this blog.

My man uses a walking cane to help with his balance and mobility after November 16th and multiple impact injuries on his knees. It is also his sword. He doesn’t always need it, but it’s there. Don’t be a dick about the cane.

Philza sometimes will experience symptoms from psychosis, such as delusions, hallucinations, and disorganized thought/speech. This is a result of his 500 years of isolation.

This Philza grew up in a scrapped dimension called ‘Sky’, which was later replaced by ‘The End’ in the actual game.

A common love language for birds is preening, as it shows an ultimate show of trust to let another preen their wings and take care of them. Axxr Philza only has a small list of people allowed to do this for him. This also means that he enjoys ‘preening’ others, such as brushing and braiding hair or stuff like that.

It should also be noted that Phil has an uneasy relationship with pomegranates, especially in relation to other people handing them to him.

Abilities

He is not a God, but he is conditionally immortal. He can be killed, but not by age.

The Colorzas exist in the lore of this blog. However, they are not alters, rather they are super saiyan forms triggered by intense emotions. I do not want to misrepresent systems or DID.

Phil also is a soul reaper. His job is to reap a certain amount of souls every year to reach a quota equal to the weight of Techno’s soul.

He has a cool death scythe :)

My Phil has gone through his molt, so he can in fact fly again.

Philza, as a soul reaper, can see and feel the presence of souls. He has reaper instincts as well.

My Philza knows how to make candles from scratch :) He made brewing glowstone scented candles for Techno.

Philza also can draw and do art.

Philza canonically is an inventor and has a background in robotics.

Fun Facts

He’s mildly allergic to chocolate and a bit gluten intolerant.

He can’t eat too much sugar at a time or he will food coma.

He does get his talons painted sometimes. :)

Axxr has tattoos :) He has a wither rose, one hardcore heart and a bunch of sakura flowers.

Philza is indeed a weeb. Feel free to ask about animes, but also know that I can only talk in depth about animes I actually have engaged with myself!

Just like in canon, axxr Phil invented Brian the robot crow to help the birds communicate with him. Brian also serves as a learning tool for people wanting to learn Talon/English from the other language.

His first language is Talon (bird song), then English/Script/Common, then Ender (although he has trouble reading Ender and is more fluent speaking it)

He wears reading glasses sometimes.

Contrary to popular belief, axxr Phil doesn’t like tea. He drinks it only because he’s used to it and it has been a proven grounding thing for him.

His favorite type of ice cream is chocolate chocolate chip cookie dough with the bits inside.

He has a library card.

Phil’s soul is opalescent with a main color of green most of the time. According to Benihime, the soul smells like fresh cut grass.

#Main Bits [Headcanons]

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gilmores-glorious-blog · 2 years

Text

more umbrella academy live-blogging that no one asked for but me~~~

episode 4:

- y’all i made a season 3 playlist over a year ago with songs that i wanted to be in the show and house of the rising sun was on it,, when i say i screamed,,,,,

- aww sissy got a girlfriend :,) who may or may not have left her after her son exploded a rabbit

- hey. hey harlan. What The Fuck

- NOOOOOOOOO SISSY 😭😭 i mean of course she’s dead she would be insanely fucking old if she wasn’t but still

- ok i’m obsessed with harlan

- i love how diego like,, whistles to his son

- the diego-stan hug i’m soft 🥺

- klaus arriving ten minutes late to the action looking fashionable as fuck

- i love that they’re all like ‘oHHHH harlan :) we remember that guy!!’ after he brutally murders two people in front of them

- wait no fuck they’re actually dead?? they’re just killing off sparrows left and right huh 😭

- i adore lila and five’s dynamic

- uhh,,, diego,, you are,,,, you’re hot.

- poor harlan he didn’t sign up for any of this shit :,/

- allison trying to rumor herself to be happy……….. perhaps,,,,,, perhaps i will sob.

- okay but the implication that fei’s own birds clawed her eyes out is horrifying

- klaus’ outfits are absolutely slaying this season

- uncle klaus :,)

- NOOOO HERB 😩😩😭

- ahhhhhh poor sloane i just want to give her a hug

- luther’s “all i have is my family” speech,, i’m soft 🥺

- i’m loving this therapy session between stanley and klaus

- harlan being chill about viktor transitioning, we love to see it :)

- harlan and viktor talking about sissy made me sad :,//

- “tunde was not a prince, he was a king! 😡”

- whyyyyy does five have paradox psychosis right now 👀

- “do not disrespect the slushee.”

- “they call me dr. fuego 😏” “..no one calls you that.” “they should though.”

- i adore the diego-allison bonding

- YESS kill the white supremacists we love to see it!!!!!

- jesus christ, ben is such an asshole

- old five founding the entire commission,,, what the fuck,, ,,,,,,

- “an extra kinky kind of black hole”

- i just want everyone to know that when old five went “all that will be left is…” i whispered “oblivion” a second before he did because i’m just cool like that 😌

- i like five so much more this season,, he’s just a little guy,,,, i love him :)

- “whatever you do… don’t save the world.” well that isn’t foreboding at all ! !

- all this buildup to hotel oblivion is making me very excited but also very very scared

- OH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK KLAUS NO

- “uncle klaus!” 😭😭 stan’s gonna have so much trauma from this :,(

- oh what the fuck,, i stg if harlan killed their moms,,,,,

- oh holy shit. jesus christ. that second house of the rising sun sequence was so good but so fucked up. what the fuck.

episode 5:

- what the fuck reginald why are you going all frankenstein on baby klaus

- mr. teen klaus sir i’m in love with you

- i kinda wish there was a klaus actual-death incident in vietnam shown because it seems likely that he would’ve died there and also because i want to see My Boy

- viktor and harlan going power to power is so cool looking

- ohhh my god he killed 27 women,, that’s why there were only 16 :0

- whoever harlan’s actor is, he’s really good

- raymond chestnut i’m in love with you <3

- allison is SO hot

- fei and ben are. also hot.

- oh finally five shows up

- awwwww lila hugging diego 🥺🥺

- ohhhh shit this is not going to go well

- “AND YOU WERE GONNA DISSOLVE THE BODY??!?!?!”

- this is simultaneously heartbreaking and kinda funny

- obsessed diego and stan having a breakdown and meanwhile klaus is just chilling in the afterlife

- i’m sorry,, 56 TIMES??!!!!!????!!

- aww i love klaus’ mom :,)

- why is his soup a buffalo.

- who are these fucks in the hotel being all suspicious (it’s probably hotel oblivion related isn’t it)

- “you LOVE to say i told you so.”

- oH i just noticed that allison wears her wedding ring around her neck 😭😭

- “you are my blood” 🥺🥺 (according to google translate,, i do not speak spanish)

- hit new game, guy in a carpet! (chet’s a real one though.. “i hope you win”)

- stan calling his dad a bitch in spanish >>>

- i’m very glad klaus woke up before the other siblings learned he was dead

- klaus out here being that one pedro pascal laughing/crying meme

- klaus crying and saying he thought he was dead while clutching dave’s dog tags… inch resting 🤨.

- WHY does no one react to klaus saying he had a speargun in his chest?!?

- “what did we miss?” “the universe is ending and we’re all going to die.”

- ahahahahah FUCK that’s not good

- me: oh finally a shot of the globe, i can figure out where this whole thing takes place! the shot of the globe: *is utterly incomprehensible*

- no allison baby </3

- “the stepsiblings from hell”

- when klaus says important things but no one listens to him 🙃

- “little britain” ahsktjdsk

- lowkey obsessed with lila calling klaus ‘kitten’

- when viktor is harlan’s father figure but harlan is simultaneously viktot’s grandpa figure

- “you know how many kids wish their cool dead uncle would come back to life!?” “that’s a bit random.” “not helping.” “okay.” pleaseee their banter >>>>

- WHYYY did a mysterious door open,,,,

- aww lila is so fond of her family

- ahsjtkdjakdkskdkfnkdkhh i missed diego and lila together

- not her basically calling diego a dilf 😳

- AHSJDKSJD HOLY SHIT I’M LOSING IT OVER THE WILDLY DIFFERENT USE OF “I’M THE DADDY HERE” LMAO

- i am. too bi for this.

- the weird incest plot being turned into healthy sibling communication we love to see it

- thank fuck luther’s self aware now

- allison has a right to be mad but also i’m so glad luther is standing up for himself after two seasons of never standing up to anybody

- ohhhh allison no,,,,,,

- oh no oh fuck oh shit i spoke too soon the incest is back and it’s worse than before

- ohhh i don’t think harlan going with allison is a good idea

- ohhh luther that “again” was really low

- klaus’ gay little sit on the counter :)

- god i love the klaus and five dynamic

- “become an alpaca farmer”

- of fucking course klaus knows what the tattoo is

- pogo What The Fuck

- also wow what an ending montage

- this is not episode related but it’s a good summary of my internal struggle thus far: me: klaus should have his own plotline and character development outside of his trauma also me: give me dave 😭😭😭 bring back my darling boy 😭😭😭😭😭

episode 6:

- woah it’s weird to see (relatively) normal looking alphonso and long-haired fei

- jesus fucking christ ben you are. fully willing to murder your sister, huh?

- “suck it, squid boy” i’m actually so in love with her

- butler pogo? no, i only know sensei pogo.

- “what humanity?” oh right,, i forgot about that fun little plot point of reginald being a fucking alien

- holy shit pogo’s ponytail…. it’s magnificent..

- allison calling viktor ‘tiny’ <3

- the world: ending luther: hehe pretty girlfriend :)

- “the only thing we really have in common is childhood trauma” he’s right and he should say it

- luther you dumb fuck (affectionate)

- “we share a wall. and your bed squeaks.” i love you so much fei

- oh fuck oh no a cockroach

- “enjoy the view ;)” i love this smug bastard

- fuck yeah hotel oblivion time >:)

- holy shit harlan’s powerful

- “what’s your game?” “big fan of yahtzee :D”

- aww luther talking about ben :,( also what the fuck is the jennifer incident,,

- nooo don’t indoctrinate luther

- pogo having a human girlfriend is. deeply upsetting.

- not more william shatner 😩

- klaus baby i love you and also holy shit ur life was rough—

- lila being surprised that diego can’t read the sign that’s in japanese,, lila darling we learned last season that diego is in fact very dumb when it comes to reading other languages

- LILA WHAT THE FUCK??!!!!!!!!

- oh no reggie,,, just when he trusted you,, you fucking killed him 😩

- harlan have you ever just considered that you are autistic and viktor is not

- marigold 👀

- god allison i love you,, please let me hug you,,

- viktor done took his marigold back !!

- “i was adopted and i turned out pretty well” are we…… are we sure about that diego??

- “are you insane?!” “uhhh.. we met in an asylum.”

- i’m. uhh. i’m not sure how i feel about this twist with stan.

- noooo 😭😭 i was waiting for the stutter to make an appearance 😭

- god this show just keeps saying trans rights :,)

- ohhh fuck harlan no,, don’t tell her she doesn’t know

- allison please don’t hurt him

- hi what the fuck is that growling

- okay no but what the fuck,,, diego’s fingers,, the scythe,,, the growling,,,, WHO/WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!??!

- stanley you motherfucker

- NO FUCK GOD STAN SHIT I’M SORRY I CALLED YOU A MOTHERFUCKER PLEASE COME BACK

- oh fuck. allison NO did you fucking kill him?!

#the umbrella academy #tua #tua spoilers #the umbrella academy spoilers #tua s3 #i hope someone out there enjoys live eliana reactions #i’ve actually watched through episode 8 by now so some of these aged poorly.. but i kept my live reactions as they were #long post #eli.posts

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rhysismydaddy · 4 years

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can you write a fic where feyre gets really possessive of rhys and he loves it? thanks! i love your work btw

“Give me a dollar.”

Rhys’s brows go up, even as he slides a bill across the table to his wife. “You want me to tip you now?”

She scowls, making him grin. “I want to play a song, asshole. Guard my burger.”

She gets up and prances over to the jukebox, a rusty piece of crap he honestly can’t believe is here, considering it’s about fifty years outdated. But it’s part of the place’s “charm,” according to Feyre.

Also part of the charm? Warm beer and sticky floors covered in peanuts.

But he can’t complain, can’t get it in his mind to be even mildly unhappy, because she’d chosen this place because of a craving for the greasiest, nastiest burger around.

A pregnancy craving.

She’d told him yesterday she was six weeks along, and he hadn’t stopped smiling since.

He watched as she shoved the dollar in the old machine, heart in his eyes like a total fool, trying to figure out what song she’d play.

He was so concentrated on his staring, he didn’t even notice someone come up beside him.

The smell of cheap perfume flooded his senses, and he looked to the left, immediately getting an eye full of improperly-contained cleavage.

Looking up to the woman it belonged to, he raised a brow and said, “Hello?”

“Hi, handsome.”

Feeling a chill run down his spine, he looked over to find his wife watching the scene with high brows and a fierce look in her eyes.

Fuck, he loved that look.

Possessive Feyre was right under really pissed off Feyre when it came to how much it turned him on, and he winked at her playfully, chuckling when her eyes narrowed.

But no matter how much he loved that look in her eyes, he’d never do anything to make it justified. So he asked the woman next to him, “Something you needed?”

She leaned a hip against the table, smiling down at him and ignoring the cool tone of his voice.

“Just to talk to you for a while.” At his blank expression, she slid a little closer, put a hand on his shoulder, and murmured, “Or maybe not talk for a while.”

“Flattered, but I’m married,” he says, holding up his hand to show her the platinum wedding band as he shrugged her hand off.

The woman smiles, apparently not caring. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

He’s about to respond, tell her he’s flattered but not at all interested, when a steely voice beside him says, “You’re in my way.”

He turns to see Feyre standing next to him, eyes narrowed in a way that sends a thrill through him, hands on her hips.

The song around them finally reaches his ears, and he smirks as he recognizes it. Hands Off by Maria Vidal.

The woman sitting on the table steps out of her way but doesn’t leave, still facing Rhys.

Ignoring her, he says to his wife, “Nice choice.”

She smiles a fake smile, eyes on the woman intruding on their dinner. “I’m glad you like it, but I really played it for your little... friend. Figured she could relate. It’s about a woman who touches something that doesn’t belong to her.”

Rhys bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, trying not to laugh as the woman’s face flushes red.

"We were just talking,” she says, crossing her arms and inadvertently pushing her cleavage even higher.

His wife shrugs. “And now you’re not.”

And then she makes a fucking shooing motion with her hand, and a hand over his mouth can’t entirely muffle the chuckle that escapes him.

“You’re a real bitch, you know,” the woman spits, making the amusement in him thin.

Feyre tilts her head, eyes flashing. “Maybe, but I’m the bitch carrying his baby. Go find someone interested to bother. I suggest someone single.”

Her face flushes red in embarrassment, but she turns on a too-high heel and stomps away.

Rhys smiles at Feyre, unable to stop himself from murmuring, “Feisty.”

“I swear, I can’t leave you alone for two minutes,” she complains. “I’m starting to think I need to carry around ‘He’s mine’ sign or something.”

His lips twitch. “I told her I was married.”

“Women like her don’t care, Rhys.” She takes a bite of her burger, subconsciously rubbing a hand over her still-flat belly. “And I know I don’t have anything to worry about, but I can’t help feeling a bit... possessive.”

He grinned like an idiot. “I like you when you’re possessive. Like an angry little kitten.”

She stole one of his fries. “Little kitten my ass. My hormones are so out of whack, I honestly think I could’ve killed her. Your baby is making me crazy.”

Rhys grinned. “Don’t blame our child for your psychosis.”

Feyre just rolled her eyes, then glared as a woman walked by their table a little too slowly and smiled at Rhys.

While the attention was doing his ego no harm, and while her reaction made him feel wanted, he really didn’t want his wife getting in a bar fight tonight.

Leaning across the table, he placed a swift kiss to her lips, letting everyone in the dirty place know exactly who he belonged to. “I’m yours, and you’re mine, and no one else matters.”

She grabbed the collar of his shirt, kissing him again, then shoved him back to his side of the booth.

“You need to get fat, or I’ll end up in an orange jumpsuit by the time this baby gets here. Now give me your fries.”

Rhys grinned, pushed the plate over, and wondered how he’d ever gotten so lucky.

________________________________________________________

aha cheesy ending as always. thanks for the ask <3

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pingnova · 3 years

Text

i wrote this in a fever of inspiration the other night. I’m self actualizing, yes?

I am queer because I am Christian. And vice versa: I am Christian because I am queer. I am not saying this as a universal rule. I’d even hedge that most Christians or queers have the exact opposite experience. I’ll say a little bit about mine.

Since I was old enough to make memories, I felt the immense presence of love around me, as though it was an ever present cloud that often filled up people’s chests until love came spilling out of their mouths and actions. Love was easy, because it was a faithfully flowing tide, and I only had to relax into it.

I grew up with an image of god, Jesus, and christianity that never made sense to me, though I tried to fit in. I wasn’t aware there were options. But my particular experience was a constant battering against my spirit. It wasn’t relaxing into the flow, it was being drowned.

I am an abuse survivor, a sexual assault survivor, non-neurotypical, queer, live with severe post traumatic stress, generational trauma, psychosis, anxiety, and depression. I was hated for being these things. Usually insidiously hidden in everyday discussions and actions. It was unacceptable to be me. Even as a little one I knew I couldn’t just set those things down and walk away, so I got used to being drowned, since if I had one redeeming quality, it was fearful obedience until the end.

I was not Christian as a child. At the conclusion of my confirmation class when we write a statement that confirms our baptism, that we believe in god and Jesus and our place with them, I wrote: “I don’t believe in god. I think what I see in people who do believe is what I want, but I can’t make myself into what I want.” I didn’t want to be confirmed, I had little interest in anything related to Christianity since it only meant hurt, but i had no choice. Confirmation had been just another beating to my spirit; hearing the many different ways I was unacceptable. But everything hurt then, so I didn’t even notice. I wasn’t aware I had options.

When I left home I violently flung myself away from anything related to Christianity. I lived a few years feeling at once timid in a new world and free of the biting chains that trapped me. I took a class on word religion, and again a class on my particular tradition. The shock here was that it was the least painful thing I ever did. In fact it felt good. It felt good to ask questions about strictures, figures, passages, and unwritten ideas I had been drowned with. And to find there was actually room to breathe the entire time, that I was supposed to swim, and if I hadn’t been allowed to, I was right to feel broken and violated, because that’s indeed what the drowning was.

I now had agency. I had options. I could now choose.

It was a breakup with bad faith, and then a long and painful tumble directly into a new one. A truer one.

I learned that god was actually a lot of things, or even anything. One afternoon it hit me that what I wished for as a child, to believe in god, I always had. That great cloud of love around us and on the breath of those who cared, that I leaned on and had complete faith in since I was young. For me, that was god. My inability to profess complete faith in my childhood god had been a deep bruise I felt every second of every day. All that pain I beared - I hadn’t deserved any of it. And it was misplaced to begin with. I had always believed in god, they just didn’t look like I was told. To the point that I could not even recognize them.

I tried to attend church again, because I missed the singing, and wondered if it would speak to me differently with a clearer eye and god surrounding me. Every service was a struggle. I cried each and every instance. I often had to stop singing and speaking at the first song; too choked up to continue. A scream built in my chest as the service proceeded and if I opened my mouth to sing, that was all that would come out. My face was streaked and red and wet as I rushed home.

This is a very clear manifestation of trauma, but also my new paradigm. A large portion of the sobbing came from a sudden clap of turmoil and raw fear in my mind that overflowed the instant the atmosphere of a service really registered. But a growing part, a strong part, a part that made me want to scream and cry just as much but for different reasons, was that I felt god now. God hated me, or so I thought as a child. Church was a punishment to remind me how helpless and disgusting I was.

But I could see now that wasn’t true. I had always been gently cradled by that tide of love, always embraced by that cloud when I had no where else to hide. God loved me. This entire service was no reminder of my inherent depravity that I was too weak of will to overcome. This service was an expression of that gentle tide. Lungs full and channeling that god/love, bringing it down to my level, into flesh and blood, bread and wine, other people as depraved, broken, drowned, violated, disgusting as me. Which is to say, not at all. We are human and we are loved for it.

It was overwhelming in a life of absence and indifference and hatred to so suddenly experience that immense god/love. Never in my life had I felt such from anyone or anything. I could not contain it, nor describe it or cope with it. I had no need of that strength because it was never demanded. I would sob for the first time in the arms of someone who cared about me. And then sob countless more times. I needed to let it out, and I was finally safe to do so. Church made me feel held even as it was shaking me apart.

Back to childhood. I knew I was queer from the get go. I didn’t know it was “queer” or different or bad or anything. I just was that way. I asked my parents in my single-digit years if boys could marry boys and girls could marry girls, since my little mind was working so hard on the process of elimination on how babies were made when no adult would tell me. The response was a shocked and appalled “NO!” Directly in my face at the same time. I was equally shocked. I didn’t know why it warranted such a forceful dismissal. It was all certainly the same to me. Disquiet built through my young life with each similar experience, until I concluded it must be that I was wrong and I should stop.

Try I did. To no avail. Just like with forcing myself to believe in god, I couldn’t force this either. But it was a problem, because I knew I couldn’t lie to god, I was completely open to him. I would sob, knowing he looked upon that blemish with disgust, just as my parents and peers did. I was vulnerable and helpless before the greatest punisher.

Yet there was a kind of comfort that someone knew. Someone knew I wasn’t right, not to mention the rest of myself I kept quiet for being wrong. Someone knew I saw things that weren’t there, that I was scared all the time, that I was exhausted enough to hope it would kill me, that it didn’t matter to me if boys could marry boys and girls marry girls, that I had been sexually assaulted, that I still couldn’t do a problem simple as 1+1. At least someone knew. I wouldn’t take my secrets to the grave. To someone, those secrets were real. And since those secrets were me, I was real.

It was a relief to me growing up that I couldn’t lie to god. I simply couldn’t be anyone but myself in his presence. Good or bad, I no longer had to hide, I could finally drop the act. Why pretend innocence when the judge has evidence of every second? God was the only one I could talk to from my true baseline. “I know I’m gay and we both know I can’t help it, but I think I can help being angry so often. God, please help me tame my fiery ego.”

Realizing god was that cloud of love slapped me with the realization that all of those times I was bare and judged poorly by the greatest punisher, I never was. I was not judged and certainly not by any punisher. In fact, I was loved. I was bare and scared or angry or hopeless—and loved. Even in my confusion and blindness to what I was experiencing, I was loved.

Which became another weighty moment. God/love meets me where I am at. They were there when I didn’t know their name. They were there when I thought I was terrified of them. They knew me. Possibly the only person who does. And I wasn’t perfect. I was drowned and confused and in pain. But they weren’t waiting for me to file paperwork and collect my pay stubs to get in the gate. They came to me, right where I was, not a single requirement demanded. I was human and I was loved for it.

I knew I was queer because I knew I couldn’t hide from god. I knew I believed in god because of that universal love I breathed—a love I knew was queer. I am queer because I am Christian. And vice versa: I am Christian because I am queer. I am not saying this as a universal rule. I’d even hedge that most Christians or queers have the exact opposite experience. But in my world this is a law of my very spirit. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#personal #trauma #christianity /#queer christianity #Lgbtq #vent #sort of?

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lunapaper · 2 years

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Album Review: 'Dance Fever' - Florence + the Machine

Someone’s got a serious case of dance fever...

Subsisting on a diet of horror films and 16th Century European history while in lockdown, Florence Welch goes bolder, darker and more introspective on Florence + the Machine’s fifth album, realising she longed for the sweet, sweet shred of guitars. As she recently told the New York Times: ‘Every album is a reaction to the last thing you made, and I was a little sick of my own [expletive], which is heavy piano. I missed guitars.’

The record is a full-on reckoning at times.

‘King’ tackles perceptions of womanhood in an unforgiving industry (‘We argue in the kitchen about whether to have children/About the world ending and the scale of my ambition/And how much is art really worth’), unleashing a stormy cataclysm of strings and clattering percussion in a beautiful fit of rage. ‘Girls Against God’ envisions an army of ‘furious girls in their pyjamas waging war on heaven’ while in isolation, juxtaposed with a bluesy, soulful kind of groove.

‘Well, did you miss me?’ Welch taunts on ‘Dream Girl Evil, ‘Walk on water just to kiss me?’ revelling in her perceived villainy as she obliterates the Madonna/whore complex. ‘Heaven is Here’ is a ‘clamour of joy, fury and grief,’ driven by handclaps and stomping feet, a rollicking singalong that sees the singer confess: ‘And еvery song I wrote became an escape rope/Tied around my neck to pull me up to Heaven.’

Throughout the record, Welch is surrounded by this raw feminine energy, a chorus of female voices always ready to lift her up and even cradle her during the record’s more sombre moments.

Dance Fever is also Florence + the Machine’s most diverse release since 2015’s How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful.

‘Free’ shivers with anxiety in the form of darting, jagged New Wave synths. ‘Choreomania’ (named after the ‘dancing plague’ of 1518 that saw people dance until they collapsed or died while in the grips of psychosis) eerily echoes ‘Dog Days are Over’ with its fluttering handclaps and steady drum beat, Welch just spinning until she ultimately dances herself to death. ‘Daffodil’ is jangling chamber pop with a determined strut, the singer caught in the ‘helpless optimism of spring’ as the world is ‘bent double from weeping’ during COVID.

‘Cassandra’ is jazzy noir with a subtle Eastern twang and a swinging 60s cool, Welch drawing a parallel between herself and the Greek mythological figure. Recent single ‘My Love,’ however, is reminiscent of the glossy bravado of Lungs and Ceremonials, a glistening, stylish dancefloor filler that wouldn’t have looked too out of place on Jessie Ware’s last record.

Welch’s lyricism, meanwhile, is stark, vivid and among some of her best yet.

‘And it's good to be alive/Crying into cereal at midnight/If they ever let me out, I'm gonna really let it out/I listen to music from 2006 and feel kind of sick,’ she muses on ‘Girls Against God,’ painting a comically bleak and all-too relatable picture of life in lockdown. Her fear and regret on ‘Prayer Factory’ are visceral as she grips at ‘hotel sheets with gritted teeth.’ She turns pandemic hopelessness into powerful pop hooks on ‘My Love’ (‘My arms emptied/The skies emptied/The buildings emptied’).

Most revealing and among the most self-eviscerating, though, is the gospel-inflected closer, ‘Morning Elvis.’

‘When they dressed me and they put me on a plane to Memphis, well/I never got to see Elvis/I just sweated it out in a hotel room/But I think the king woulda understood/Why I never made it to Graceland,’ Welch recalls, bringing the album full circle. Sober since 2014, the singer is no longer begging the drunken gods of ‘Cassandra’ to take her back, instead turning self-destruction into a glorious rebirth as she fuels her hedonism into a state of pure transcendence.

Dance Fever isn’t quite the bombastic post-lockdown disco-pop record we were all probably hoping for, nor is it light and subdued like 2018’s High As Hope.

It’s the sound of a woman possessed, a woman reborn, a woman with nothing left to lose, humming with a fraught sense of urgency as lush soundscapes restlessly unfurl. For once, Jack Antonoff doesn’t rely on his usual grab bag of acoustics, instead taking inspiration from classic folk rock, psych-rock and late 00s indie pop. Contributions from Glass Animals’ Dave Bayley and producer Kid Harpoon, meanwhile, help retain the band’s stately grandeur.

‘You said that rock and roll is dead,’ Welch muses on ‘Choreomania,’ ‘But is that just because it has not been/Resurrected in your image?’ And if this is her version of rock, then it’s a damn fine image, indeed: bold, beguiling, extravagant, and unapologetically feminine. Though sometimes falling short of its lofty ideas, this record truly is a fever you can’t sweat out…

- Bianca B.

#music #florence + the machine #florence and the machine #dance fever #new #reviews #albums #Bianca B

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lilacmoon83 · 4 years

Text

Finding You Always

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 221: A Long Awaited Wedding

Snow smiled up at him, as they danced together in the diner. The rehearsal dinner had gone off without a hitch and they enjoyed the evening with their family, as they celebrated the imminent nuptials between their son and soon to be daughter-in-law. Rose and Fandral had returned with the news that Jekyll might have dabbled in experimenting with taking hearts before, simply to see if he could replicate the process through science versus magic. It didn't yield many answers, but they were not surprised by the level of pure psychosis that the doctor was exhibiting. That aside, as usual, they had not allowed him to spoil their evening. And now, as dinner was winding down, they were dancing to one of their favorite cheesy ballads, to quote their children, courtesy of the jukebox. He twirled her around and then brought her back so that his chest was pressed against her back, as they continued to sway. Her smile widened, as he sung the whispered words of the song in her ear and she felt warm chills travel down her spine.

"You know what it does to me when you sing…" she purred.

"That's the idea," he whispered, as he spun her again and she ended up facing him again.

"Then I can't wait until you and I are home, because I feel like a dip in the hot tub with my husband," she said.

"That hot tub was a really good idea," he agreed, as he noticed Eva nodding to his wife, just as she and his sister came back from the Inn side.

"What's that about?" he asked.

"Well…I didn't want to tell you until I was sure, but your sister had some symptoms earlier and I had Eva check her out," Snow replied.

"What kind of symptoms?" he asked.

"The pregnancy kind," she replied, with a wince.

"What?" he asked, as his eyes widened.

"Yeah…I know and she's already scared, but it's going to be okay," she replied, as she gave Natalie a reassuring smile. He joined her in doing so and hugged Snow close.

"Of course...with someone like you in her corner, she'll be fine," he agreed.

"And with her big overly protective brother in her corner, she'll be doubly fine," she said.

"Well, at least Clayton's not here so we don't have to look at that stupid smug smirk," he replied, as she gently prodded him forward.

"Go," Snow said, as she watched him go over and talk to his sister, which was followed up with a hug, their first one ever.

"You were right...that didn't take long for him to take to her," Emma said, as she sided up to her mother and put an arm around her.

"Mmm…I know your father and he loves his family, even the one he is just discovering," Snow said, as she watched them with love in her eyes.

~*~

James and Aphrodite awakened at last and looked at each other, before practically leaping up and throwing their arms around each other, hugging fiercely.

"It was always you…" she cried, as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. He kissed her gently.

"Eros...he's truly mine," James realized, as he caught sight of the Collector.

"You…" he hissed, as he stalked toward Clayton, who backpedaled. He found a sword and held it up in defense of himself. A sword appeared in James' hand, thanks to Zeus, and he parried the Collector's blade.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't flay you down to the bone?" James questioned, as their blades clashed.

"Well…I'm already dead and you've obviously won," Clayton retorted.

"You're right...let's just throw you in the river," James growled, as he grabbed him by the collar and prepared to toss him into the river.

"You can't let him do this, Goddess Nyx!" Clayton pleaded, as his usual arrogant façade was gone and replaced with real fear.

"As much as I would love to be rid of him...he's right, I cannot let you administer his justice," Nyx stated.

"Such is not allowed. Hades may have allowed others to do as they please, but I run a much tighter ship," she said. Clayton smirked, as James released him.

"Thank you, Goddess," he said, bowing deeply.

"Shut up or I will throw you in the river," she snapped, as he was wisely silent. James glared at his father next and faced him.

"You just couldn't let me be happy, could you?" he spat.

"I made many mistakes and you'll never believe this, but I do regret them," George said.

"You're right...I don't believe you. The only thing you regret is that you're dead and you didn't get your way," James hissed.

"And you…" he hissed at Hera.

"She never did anything to you...why do you hate her so much?" he asked. Hera glared at Dione and her daughter.

"Because she exists," Hera stated simply. Nyx raised her hand at that and Hera's soul burst into flames. She screamed briefly, as she was squelched from existence. She turned to George and Clayton next and approached.

"Being erased from existence is much too good for you, Collector and so is the river," Nyx said, as she looked at him.

"I could be useful to you, Goddess. My wealth of knowledge is unmatched...even he knows that," Clayton said, looking at Zeus.

"That's why I deserved to be a God...that's why I wanted her to bear my heir, but alas, that sadly wasn't meant to be and instead, she birthed his mongrels," he added, glaring at Clayton.

"I was very close to having the Chalice myself when I made Snow White crush Charming's heart. I would have stepped into his shoes and she would have made a nice surrogate to bear my heir," he claimed.

"The Charming bloodline is as good as a Divine bloodline now with the power of the chalice, but sadly, that wasn't meant to be either," he continued and then smirked.

"Until now…" he said.

"What are you talking about?" Aphrodite asked.

"Because my son has succeeded in doing what I could not. He has sired an heir with the coveted Charming bloodline," Clayton said.

"That's not possible!" James refuted.

"Are you saying that your son has raped one of our nieces? And how would you even know that?!" Aphrodite asked in outrage.

"I know, because Underbrooke has ways of letting the dead find out what's happening in the living world and you're right, it isn't one of Snow and David's precious daughters that is carrying my son's heir," Clayton said, as he looked at them smugly.

"It's your sister," he said, enjoying the look of shock and disbelief from them.

"I don't have a sister," James snapped, but Clayton continued to smirk smugly.

"Yes...you do. I knew your father well and he had more than a few dalliances. One of those encounters produced a child," Clayton said.

"Even if that's true...none of that means anything. Your son is never getting his hands on the Chalice. I remember everything now...and I made sure it has all the protections necessary to prevent it ever falling into the hands of evil," Aphrodite replied.

"Maybe. Maybe not...but regardless, my bloodline is secure and it is ensured that it will never die out. And one day, that child will know of the other half of its legacy," Clayton said.

"No...pretty sure Snow and David will make sure your son has no access to that child and no ability to poison him," James refuted.

"He's right...your family has been a scourge on humanity for centuries and my daughter will help make sure that doesn't continue," Dione assured him. Clayton smirked.

"We shall see…" he said.

"We will...but you will not, demon," Nyx declared, as she ceased his movements.

"You get to go to a very special place...a special eternal prison created for only the worst to ever exist," Nyx hissed and a chill of fear slithered through Clayton.

"You're going to Gehenna...a place in a dimension just beyond Tartarus. It is a horrid place of filth, stench, smoke, and fire," she said.

"You get no rest, Collector. This place will be your eternal torment and the demons already there will be your tormentors," she added, as a black portal opened before them and he saw the flames reflecting in his eyes, just before he was sucked through the portal into his eternal hell with a final scream.

"Now you…" Nyx said, as she turned to George.

"You have a well earned place in the river of lost souls...but I have decided to give you a chance to work out your unfinished business for perhaps a less harsh sentence," she said.

"You will return to Underbrooke...for now. Mind your steps and I may send you somewhere other than the river Styx or Tartarus, Your Majesty," she said, as she banished him back to the surface.

"You should have just thrown him in the river," James growled, as Aphrodite put a soothing hand on his shoulder.

"We are together again and the curse is broken, my love. He can no longer hurt us," she assured, as he put his arms around her.

"I remember everything now...all our past lives together," he said, as his brow suddenly furrowed.

"Wait...please tell me that this doesn't mean our son and Leo are actually blood related?" he asked.

"Well, if they were, that would be wildly awkward, but no...since Eros was conceived when you were Anchises, he is not related to any of his cousins by blood," Zeus replied. They let out a breath of relief.

"Yes...only you in your life as James is actually blood related to David," Dione added.

"Yeah...why do I sense that this wasn't random?" he asked.

"Because you're right...Athena was tired of seeing this curse wreck the two of you and stacked the deck, so to speak," Zeus replied.

"How?" Aphrodite asked.

"She suspected that if she entwined your destiny with David's, that Snow and David, as the truest loves, would indirectly help the two of you in breaking your curse," Dione replied.

"She's right...she somehow knew I would get tired of seeing your heart broken and refuse to allow James to be reincarnated after he was killed. She was right...I made a deal with Hades for that one to keep you in Underbrooke indefinitely," Zeus explained.

"So she knew David and I would somehow cross paths? And it would lead me to be revived?" James asked.

"Yes...she had Ruth tell you that she was giving you her second chance...but that was me. She came to me once David fell through that portal to the Underworld and clued me in on the fact that you'd cross paths with your brother," Zeus replied.

"You mean…" James started to say. Dione smiled.

"Yes...it was your second chance all along, so you could be reunited with our daughter," she said.

"But...how did you know things wouldn't go wrong again?" James asked.

"I didn't...Athena really had to strong arm me into agreeing to it. But as usual, she was right. Thanks to Snow and David, being the champions they are, Blue was finally exposed and it led you both to the truth you needed to break the curse," Zeus replied. James shook his head.

"Wow...so now we go home, I guess?" he asked. Aphrodite smiled and nodded, as she looked to her parents. Tears filled her eyes, as she hugged them tightly.

"I just got you back," she said tearfully. Nyx waved her hand and a looking glass appeared.

"This is my gift to you...and I will send it to your home in Storybrooke. This will allow you a coveted privilege of communicating with them from Elysian," Nyx offered. Aphrodite bowed respectfully to her.

"Thank you Goddess," she said, as she hugged her parents one last time, before joining hands with James. Hermes appeared and escorted them through the portal.

~*~

"Mmm...this was the best idea," Snow cooed, as she and David sat pressed together in the warm, bubbly water. He kissed her hair.

"Definitely," he agreed, as he held her against him.

"But I think I know a way for it to get even better," she purred, as she turned in the water and straddled his waist, watching his blue eyes glaze.

"Definitely better," he agreed, as she began to gently rock against him and their lips met in a passionate rhythm that was in concert of the fluid movement of their incredible lovemaking...

~*~

The next morning

"Elsa?" Anna called, as she entered her sister's chambers early that morning. Leo had slept over in their room in his parent's castle, following the usual tradition of spending the final night before their wedding apart, despite the fact they had already been living together for years.

"Out here," Elsa called from her balcony. Anna poked her head out and observed her sister already dressed in her wedding gown. It was beautiful and glittered in the early morning sunlight. It was similar in design to her favorite blue dress, with a glittering bodice, satin skirt, and a shimmering iridescent train. Her hair was braided and draped over one shoulder, as per usual, and she wore her tiara.

"Oh Elsa...you look beautiful…" Anna gushed, as she took her hand.

"Thanks…" she replied.

"Are you nervous?" Anna asked.

"Not like I thought I'd be. Leo and I have been living together for a few years now and we thought we were already married during the curse. This just feels right," Elsa replied.

"Because it is. I've never seen you at more peace, but then love will do that," Anna said, as they shared a hug.

"It's time…" Kristoff said, as they exited her chambers.

"Wow...you look beautiful, Elsa," he said. She smiled.

"Thanks…" she said, as Elsa waved her hand and they disappeared in a poof of light blue smoke.

~*~

David attempted to straighten his bowtie on his tux in the mirror, but it was not cooperating at all.

"Snow, can you help with this damn...wow," he said, as he came out of the bathroom and found her there in a sleeveless shimmering orchid dress. It wasn't too dissimilar to an orchid ball gown she had once worn long ago, but this was a modern design and a bit less formal than something she would have worn for a ball.

"I take it that you approve," she said, as she glided up to him and straightened his bowtie with minimal effort.

"How could I not...you are so beautiful," he said, as he slipped his arms around her waist and she smiled up at him.

"You're pretty handsome yourself...very handsome, in fact," she purred, as he kissed her tenderly.

"Are you ready?" he asked. She nodded.

"Yes...this is a long time coming. We already consider Elsa our daughter...this just makes it official," she said.

"I know...I'm so glad that our girls are happy in their marriages and that Leo is finally happy too. We've...worried about him," he replied. She hummed.

"He had some bad luck...bad luck that neither of us experienced. Sometimes I felt a little unqualified to give him advice," she admitted.

"Tell me about it...he once told me that he appreciated my insight, but that I didn't really get it and he was right, because I met you," he said.

"You were my first and my only...that's really rare these days," she replied.

"You were my first and only too...we were so blessed and now we know Leo is too," he said. She smiled and kissed him again.

"Come on...let's get our baby boy married off," she said. He chuckled.

"There was a time when you were horrified by the prospect of said baby boy being with anyone," he teased.

"I know...but thanks to his early bad luck, I had my reasons. But then Elsa came along and we love her. She's perfect for our son," Snow said.

"Yeah...and just think, we'll probably be doing this for Bobby in a few years," he mentioned.

"Oh, I am not looking forward to that. My youngest baby...but we'll probably be doing this for Summer first," she reminded him.

"Ugh...let's not talk about that," he complained and she smiled.

"I think it's safe to say that neither of us is looking forward to an empty nest. But we have our grandkids and we'll most certainly have more. Not to mention we'll soon have a new baby niece or nephew," she said.

"Yeah...that was definitely unexpected. I'm glad Clayton is gone so I don't have to see his stupid smug smirk over the fact of his bloodline mixing with ours," David said sourly.

"Mmm...he's gone forever, baby and his son is in prison where he belongs. This baby will be a Charming thru and thru," Snow assured him. He nodded in agreement, as he offered his arm to her. She hooked her hand on his elbow and they prepared to leave for the reserve.

~*~

Drizella looked around the creepy lab with a bit of disgust.

"This place is horrid...worse than that stupid Inn I'm forced to live at right now, because that prissy little bitch destroyed my family's mansion and took our wealth," she complained.

"Yes...but we are well protected from the strong arm of the law here on this island and we have little time for your whining," Jekyll replied. She huffed.

"Fine...what is our plan for today? Because I want nothing more than to see Snow White cry tears when we interrupt her precious baby boy's wedding day," she gushed.

"I think we should let the wedding commence and then crash the reception instead," Grimm suggested.

"Any particular reason?" Jekyll questioned.

"People will be more spread out, more relaxed, a bit of alcohol in the mix as well. It will catch them more off guard and create wider chaos," he said.

"I like it," Drizella said, as she turned to the doctor.

"But you promised me a solution to not having magic. If I am to declare myself as the new Evil Queen...then I must have the power to back up my claim," she replied. The doctor smirked and opened a case underneath one of his lab tables.

"This is an experimental drug that I have been working on to allow you to create the ability to conjure magic. It's temporary and has not been tested well yet. It's a risk...I don't know what side effects there might be," he warned.

"But it will give me powers?" she asked.

"Until the drug wears off...but it should be long enough for our purposes," he replied.

"It's untested...I will warn you again," Jekyll said.

"But it will work?" she questioned again.

"I guess we'll find out," Grimm said.

"You have to ask yourself...is getting what you want worth the risk?" Jekyll asked. She thought for a moment and then offered her arm. Jekyll smirked and administered the injection…

~*~

Leo chuckled, as several of the animals gathered around him. He got a nudge to his hand from Graham, a lick from Wilby, a head nudge from Pegasus, and a nuzzle from Firestorm.

"Thanks guys," he said, as his parents arrived and he could already see his mother tearing up.

"Oh sweetie...you look so handsome," she gushed, as she gently adjusted his bowtie.

"Thanks Mom," he replied, as they shared a hug.

"We are so proud of you and we love Elsa," David said, as he clapped him on the shoulder. He smiled, as his parents stepped off to his side, intending to stand at the altar with him. The audience was seated and the music began to play softly, as Eva, Emma, and Summer walked down the aisle arm in arm, both in gorgeous baby blue dresses and came to stand with their brother as his best women. Next, there were chuckles from the audience, as Lucy and Hope were next. Lucy carried the rings on a pillow, while Hope toddled along with her little basket and tossed flower petals. They arrived at the altar, where Hook scooped Hope up and sat back down next to Henry and Ella in the front row, while Lucy stood with their family at the altar. Also in the front row was Regina, Robin, Granny, Red, Xander, Natalie, Thalia, Rumple, Belle, Gideon, Rose, and Fandral.

The music intensified, as Elsa entered on the arms of Kristoff and Anna, as they accompanied her down the aisle. Leo smiled, as he looked at her in awe and they soon arrived at the altar. Anna hugged her tightly, as she and Kristoff took their places on her side, while Anna held her flowers. She joined hands with Leo and they turned to Archie, who stood there to officiate the ceremony.

"Friends...we gather here today to join Queen Elsa of Arendelle and Prince Leo of Misthaven in the bonds of matrimony and I must say, I am honored once again to officiate yet another Charming family wedding," Archie began.

"I have had the privilege of knowing Leo since he was born and have watched him grow every step of the way. An extraordinary little boy has become an extraordinary man, but then that did not surprise me, considering how extraordinary his parents are," he continued.

"From very early on, I knew Leo was a very special boy. Animals would seek him out, even before magic came here and I could see his deep compassion for them from very early. I knew then that he would be exceptional...but I also knew that it may come with challenges," he said.

"Being exceptional or different is not always easy, as I eventually learned when I met Elsa upon her first arrival in Storybrooke," he continued.

"I saw how extraordinary her magic was, but how incredibly lonely it made her," he said.

"Until she met Leo and realized she had a kindred spirit; someone that truly understood and that was not afraid of her power," he added, with a smile.

"To see these two find their way back to each other and fall in love brought me true joy and I am honored to bring them together in this union. I know you both have vows and we are eager to witness you speak of your love and devotion to each other," Archie said, as they faced each other.

"Archie summed it up pretty well...I've always had trouble relating to people outside my family. Even in a town of magic, I was the weird kid that animals followed everywhere," he said, eliciting a few chuckles.

"I had some trouble with relationships and when I met you, I think I knew that no one else would understand me the way you did. The problem was that we were separated by the walls between realms," he said.

"Even after we parted for those few years, I could never stop thinking about you and growing up with the greatest true love as my example, I knew what that meant. I knew that I loved you and that we'd find a way to be together. And we did," Leo said, as they shared a smile.

"We did," she agreed.

"I feel so lucky to be welcomed into such a warm family. I never even considered having a normal family, let alone finding someone to share my life with. I couldn't see the possibility of anyone not being fearful of my power," Elsa said.

"But then you came along and showed me that if I stopped fearing myself...then others would too. You understood the curse of having power and taught me the beauty of it as well," she added.

"I didn't believe in true love or soul mates until I met you and your family and I can't wait to continue this crazy journey together," she said, as they shared another smile.

"It is without a doubt that we are witnessing another shining example of true love," Archie said.

"The rings please," he said, as Lucy did her part and presented the pillow, allowing Leo and Elsa to take the wedding bands.

"Prince Leo Charming of Misthaven, do you take this woman, Queen Elsa of Arendelle as your wife?" he asked.

"I do," he said, with a smile, as he slid the ring on her finger.

"Queen Elsa of Arendelle, do you take this man, Prince Leo Charming of Misthaven as your husband?" Archie questioned.

"I do," she replied, with a smile, as she slid the ring on his finger.

"Then with the power invested in me by the royal council of Misthaven, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride," Archie declared. They smiled and their lips met in a passionate kiss to the applause of everyone present.

"And now...we celebrate this union at the reception following immediately!" Archie announced, as the newly wedded couple retreated together from the altar, with their family following. It would be a long afternoon and evening of celebration.

~*~

James and Aphrodite stepped through the portal and into their home atop Mount Olympus.

"It's good to be home," James said. She smiled.

"It's good to have all of my memories," she replied, as he pulled her close and kissed her tenderly.

"I guess we should go find everyone. I guess I have a sister to meet and questions for my father," James said.

"Well...you sort of missed the wedding, but you'll be in time for the reception," Hermes said.

"Wedding? Leo and Elsa?" Aphrodite asked. She nodded.

"Much has happened and I'm sure Snow and David will fill you in, but Leo and Elsa wanted to get married before the next mission," Hermes said.

"Just how much did we miss?" James asked.

"A lot...you know Snow and David, always on the move," Hermes joked.

"Well...looks like we have a reception to get ready for," Aphrodite said, as they proceeded to go clean up and change.

~*~

"Are you sure you want another? These are very strong," Aesop warned, as he manned the bar and kept the drinks flowing at the reception.

"These earthly concoctions have little effect on me, mate. While yours is an impeccable recipe, only real Asgardian ale can get me drunk," Fandral said, as Rose enjoyed her mixed drink.

"Saying that I can't get you drunk just takes all the fun out of the challenge," Aesop joked.

"Well...I would offer to give you a few tips with your brewing to make a strong Asgardian brew, but I'm afraid it would be a bit dangerous to humans," Fandral joked back.

"As an author...your culture fascinates me. I'd love to read more about Asgard," Aesop said.

"Oh we have many books and you're welcome to any of them," Rose replied.

"Yes...you were an author that ended up in the Land of Untold Stories, am I correct?" Fandral asked.

"Yes...if there is one story I have been reluctant to tell, it's my own, I'm afraid," Aesop replied.

"Well...if you ever do want to tell it, we'd love to listen," Rose assured.

"Thank you...perhaps someday," he said.

"Do you want another?" Snow asked, as they put their empty glasses on the bar.

"What, are you trying to get me tipsy?" David teased and she pecked him on the lips.

"Maybe I am…" she purred, as he pulled her close and they swayed together.

"It's good to see you two unwind a bit, especially with all that you told us is ahead," Fandral mentioned. Snow smiled.

"Yes...we need it. The easy thing to do would be to close off the United Realms and leave the Land Without Magic to its own problems. Some probably think we should," she said.

"That's not your style...nor ours. If there are innocents suffering, then helping is never wrong," Rose agreed.

"Yeah...and there is an upside. We've lived in this world for so long, but we've seen very little of it. Despite the danger, we'll also be traveling to places all over the globe from what the Major said," David said.

"There is much romance to be had in adventure," Fandral agreed with a toast of his glass. Snow smiled and bit her bottom lip, as she looked at David.

"You know us...slowing down never seems to be in the plan, but I wouldn't change it for anything," she said, as he pecked her on the lips.

"Me either…" he said, as he led her back onto the dance floor.

"Shall we as well, my angel?" Fandral asked, as he took her hand. She nodded and they joined everyone else for another dance.

Aesop smiled, as he observed the festivities and continued serving drinks.

"It would seem bartending is the occupation of washed up writers. Curious…" a voice said, as Aesop turned to see a man at the bar.

"I'm sorry...who are you?" Aesop asked.

"No one important...thanks to you," he replied.

"I don't even know you," Aesop said.

"No...but you knew my ancestors when you screwed them out of the authorship," the man replied, as Aesop took a sobering breath.

"You're a Grimm," he realized.

"Yes...and instead of being a world famous author, I own a bar, much like you," Elias said.

"I suspect that your bar is somewhere I've never visited then," Aesop replied.

"No...Pleasure Island isn't for the faint of heart, despite its deceiving name," Elias replied.

"Ah Pleasure Island...a den of villainy and scum," Aesop said.

"Better than being around a bunch of sanctimonious heroes and at least I didn't run from my duties as the original author," Elias challenged.

"I didn't run…" Aesop snapped.

"It doesn't matter...neither of us will ever live up to the glory that Henry Nolan Charming has found," he said.

"Henry is the most honorable author to ever hold the pen. Now, I think it's time you leave. Snow and David would not enjoy having scum like you at their son's wedding reception," Aesop replied. Elias smirked.

"Oh…I'm not going anywhere and thankfully, this party is about to liven up a bit," he replied. Aesop frowned and then heard a few screams.

~*~

"They look so happy…" Snow gushed, as they danced and she watched their son dance with his wife.

"That's the magic of true love," David said, as they swayed slowly. The moment was absolutely perfect, especially as he kissed her, so they should have known it would soon go wrong.

A few guests were startled when one of the ice sculptures exploded and melted, with water sloshing onto the dance floor.

"What the hell?" Leo muttered, as another one burst and became a puddle.

"That doesn't seem normal," JJ mentioned, as he danced with Summer.

"It's not," she said, as she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"Rumple…" Belle asked, as she saw that he had gone rigid. He responded by ushering her off the dance floor. Regina looked around, as the ground beneath them started to rumble.

"Let me guess...that's not you doing that, kid?" Emma asked, as she and Killian looked around.

"I'll get the baby," he said, as he hurried to retrieve her from Granny, just in case.

"Yeah...not me, but I think I know who it is," Bobby replied.

"Oh he has got guts if he's even thinking about interrupting my grandson's wedding," Regina growled irritably, as she readied a fireball in hand. That's when three more ice sculptures exploded, creating more alarm. David held Snow close and glared fiercely at the phantom that was seemingly causing this.

"Stop cowering and show yourself, you snake," he growled, as the water from the exploded ice sculptures began to steam and evaporate into the air, creating a mist around them all.

"Enough with the theatrics, you demon! You are not going to destroy our son's wedding!" Snow shouted into the air, as she stepped forward. But that was exactly what he wanted, as the tendrils from the mist suddenly became alive and wrapped around her.

"Snow!" he cried, as she disappeared into the mist. There was a tapping sound, like shoes on the dance floor, as the mist suddenly lifted and they could see again. His heart pounded wildly, as he could feel Snow was still nearby, but couldn't see her. What he did see though was nothing short of nauseating. The tapping noise was revealed to be Drizella Tremaine, the original version and his long time stalker, arriving in a gaudy, cleavage bursting green dress. As usual, she was dripping in cheap costume jewelry, wore a tacky looking tiara, and her makeup was grossly overdone.

"You have to admit...that was one hell of an entrance. Fit for a Queen, if I do say so," she said.

"You are no Queen…" David refuted.

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong, handsome. I am a Queen now...the new Evil Queen," she claimed. Regina's chuckle started low and then grew into an outright mocking laugh, as she stepped forward.

"You? The Evil Queen? I'd say more like an evil wannabe, but you're not even that good," Regina sneered.

"Better than you...what Evil Queen gives up their conquest for revenge and becomes family with their enemy?" Drizella countered.

"A smart one...which leaves you out," Regina retorted.

"Where is my wife?" David snapped.

"Well, I'd love to say dead, since that would be my preference, but I'll take out of the way so I can make you mine," she said in a sultry tone.

"Listen ghoul girl, this is my brother's wedding and unless you'd like to go back to the rubber room, you better tell me where my mother is and leave or things might get even uglier for you and that's saying something with a clown face like yours," Emma growled.

"She's very rude, Charming...you should have raised her to respect a Queen," Drizella commented.

"She respects real Queens, like her mother, not trashy less than wannabes like you," David retorted. She pouted at that.

"So mean...but you're so dreamy, so I can't even be mad," she gushed and he rolled his eyes.

"Seriously bitch...where's our Mom?" Leo snapped hotly.

"Suffering…I hope," Drizella hissed and Emma blasted her with a burst of white magic. She cried out and found herself singed after it, seething at the blonde.

"That was a light tap...the next one is going to burn," Emma warned.

"Or maybe not," Drizella growled, surprising them all when she hit Emma with a sickly green blast of magic.

"Emma!" David cried, as he hurried to help his daughter up from the ground. She was mostly dazed, but had a minor burn on her chest from it.

"She...she has magic," Emma uttered, but he shook his head.

"How is that possible?" he wondered.

"How indeed," a voice said, as Jekyll emerged in a puff of mist, with Snow by the arm. She had her wrists in a pair of fiery cuffs, but they didn't seem to be burning her.

"Let. Her. Go," David growled, as he stepped forward and brandished the Chalice sword.

"I wouldn't come too close," Jekyll warned, but David ignored him until Snow grimaced in pain the closer he got. He noticed the cuffs had gotten redder.

"These are specifically designed to keep you away from her. Get too close and they will react to your body heat, causing your beloved great pain," Jekyll said.

"You sick, sadistic psychopath...let her go now," David growled. Jekyll chuckled.

"I finally found a way to keep you apart...but then I knew my genius would never let me down," he boasted.

"As for the subject of how she has magic...that would be my genius again. I have worked on a concoction for many years that alters the DNA of a person that is injected with it and allows them to use magic for a time," Jekyll explained.

"Your elixirs and serums will never truly be able to replace the power of real magic," Rumple refuted.

"Oh, I don't know...I think the Savior got a taste of what my elixir can do," he argued.

"She surprised me...that won't happen again," Emma assured them.

"Let her go...this is the last time I'll ask or I'll use the full power of the Chalice on you. I won't hold back…" David warned. He smirked.

"Too many innocents could get hurt if we battle...and you know it. You won't risk innocent lives," he challenged.

"Now...she'll be coming with me," Jekyll said.

"The hell she will…" David growled, as Bobby curiously reached out to feel what kind of energy was pulsing through the cuffs on his mother, as Jekyll continued to goad his father.

"But you cannot stop me," he said, as he gently caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. Snow shrugged away in disgust and turned her head away from him as much as possible.

"So beautiful...you feature in all my dreams, lovely Snow and now those dreams will come true," he promised, but his delusion was interrupted when Bobby slowly started approaching them.

"Stay back brat...you don't want to harm your lovely mother," Jekyll warned. But to his and everyone else's shock, the cuffs didn't seem to react to him at all and he had an aura of peridot green around him.

"How...how are you doing this!?" Jekyll growled and the teen smirked.

"I think the question should be why do you think that you can defeat my magic and the magic of my siblings? Magic that our parents gave us, born of true love and magic that the Dark One himself and the former Evil Queen taught us to use," Bobby replied.

"But to answer your stupid question...I just used my earth powers to cool my body temperature to almost nothing. I guess I'm kind of the walking answer to foiling all your psychotic science experiments," Bobby said, as he sent a small seismic vibration into the cuffs around Snow's wrists and they cracked, before shattering to pieces.

"You little…" Jekyll said, but he released another seismic charge directly at Jekyll, throwing him back almost twenty feet. David rushed up to his wife and swept her into his arms.

"This...is not over," Jekyll warned, as Drizella and Grimm backed away to join him.

"Not by a long shot," Drizella promised, as they disappeared in a puff of smoke. Snow breathed a sigh in relief, as David held her and kissed her passionately.

"I'm okay…" she promised, as they enveloped Bobby in a hug between them, while the rest of their children gathered around them.

"That was incredible, baby brother," Emma said. He shrugged.

"I have the powers...I'm going to use them," he said simply.

"We just got here and saw everything at the end!" Aphrodite called, as she rushed toward them.

"You're back!" Snow called, as they shared a hug.

"A device that can keep you away from Snow...he really went there?" James asked, as he and David shared a hug as well.

"Unfortunately, but he's no match for our son," David said, with pride, as he put his hands on Bobby's shoulders.

"Your memories? Did you find any answers?" Snow asked.

"Oh did we...it's quite a story, but I say that we don't let that stupid doctor and his loser sidekicks ruin this celebration," James suggested.

"Especially since it seems that I have a sister to meet," he added, as he looked in the direction of his father and the blonde woman next to him.

"So...are we doing the fireworks?" Leroy asked impatiently. David smiled.

"Yes we are...and then you can tell us everything," he replied, as the dwaves went to resume the festivities.

"Wait...you put Leroy and Happy in charge of fireworks?" Regina asked in concern.

"Don't worry...they're only allowed to set them up. Doc is in charge of the ignitor," David assured, as the fireworks commenced.

"My love...if you need me to take you home, the kids will understand," he whispered to her. But she shook her head.

"No…I won't let him do that to me. As long as I have your arms around me, I'll be fine," she promised, as they shared a tender kiss. But there was no doubt that Jekyll's latest stunt had shaken them both a bit. A device that prevented him from being near her made his blood run cold. He only hoped they could find another way than just their son to combat this threat and eventually find a way to destroy Jekyll, once and for all...

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vestigialtext · 5 years

Text

Euphorroria

[TW suicide, self-harm]

Imagine you turn around there’s suddenly a perfectly circular swirling hole open in the floor, emanating a hazy purple glow and a kind of pulsing, reverb-drenched celestial siren song, like the single sickest shoegaze riff you’ve ever heard.

You think, huh, wow, that’s a pretty weird trip-hazard, and erect some cordons to stop anyone falling in. But you become fixated on the hole, staring in unblinking for hours. It’s curious, it’s beautiful, it’s sonically enchanting, it’s perfumed with a kind of partially floral, partially cardomomic, partially metallic scent which just encroaches on the sickly-sweet – but you still want a taste.

The hole, as it happens, is a portal to insanity.

This is how I experience hypomania; standing steady-of-foot behind the barrier, gazing at wonder to the insanity, hearing its call but keeping a safe distance.

Mania would see me leap the barrier, approach too close, and invariably slip in screaming.

Psychosis, meanwhile, would see me fall in, try to either fight it or fuck it, turn it inside out and prolapse it back through into rational reality, the fabric of which world begin to collapse as internal and external landscapes collide and splinter into one and other and I approach self-oblivion.

A full psychotic break has only happened twice in my lifetime, and frankly I’m lucky to be here writing this drivel – my second episode, nearly a decade ago, almost killed me and left me with almost impossible-to-comprehend scars I’ll bear for the rest of my life, scars invisible to the observer but forever altering my perception of the world, scars I’ve made peace with but which continue to niggle every day. Without getting deep into the nightmarish details, I tried – and, thank fuck, failed – to blind myself, resulting in bilateral scarred corneas which mean that, while my vision remains entirely functional and luckily unimpaired to any significant degree, I experience constant, curious aberrations, especially in low-light where the world melts into a sea of halos.

Importantly, I’m still alive. I very nearly leapt into the Thames on the morning of 10/03/2010, and not through depressive, I-can’t-bear-to-live anguish, but due to chasing immensely powerful delusions and hallucinations to the same place that almost cost me my sight. There’s a lot I’ve written and lot I will write about my experiences of psychosis – particularly re the corrupted internal logic that catalysed much of my bizarre, life-ruining behaviour in 2003 and 2010 – but not here, not now.

Mania, the losing control of my inhibitions and tripping headfirst into hyperactive chaos, has occurred three times in my life, but only progressed through to psychosis twice. I had my first (and to date, only quickly-controlled) manic episode age 16, following a few months as an inpatient at an adolescent psychiatric in Newcastle (remember when the NHS used to offer those kind of services lol). Up until that point, I had been being treated for major depression, which was my diagnosis until the mania emerged. I don’t quite remember the specifics – I celebrated the 20th anniversary of my bipolar 1 diagnosis last month – but one day it seems the depressive fog suddenly cleared and my mind, robbed of feel-good shit for so long, lurched as far as it could in the opposite direction as some kind of bizarre compensatory push.

Perhaps the flip was inevitable, perhaps it was triggered by a chemical predisposition to mania plus guzzling down combinations of all the anti-depressant variants that could be feasibly prescribed for the preceding three months. Who can say. Whatever the case, suddenly I was bouncing around the hospital halls like Sonic the Hedgehog, talking borderline-gibberish garbage incessantly, getting back deep into abandoned A-level art projects and attempting to start roughly 1,000 extracurricular projects simultaneously. The doctors quickly took notice, brought me down with lithium and revised my diagnosis.

Hypomania, (literally “below mania”), is something I experience on average a few times a year, hitting in waves, usually with a clear trigger. It’s a glimpse at the maelstrom of insanity without actually dipping a toe. Delusional ideas can creep into my head, but I can analyse and dismiss them rationally with a firm “No.” I now have enough insight and experience of my own sensations and mood pattern recognition to usually ward off a manic episode, typically with self-seclusion and/or self-management, sometimes with medication. Zopiclone, a sedative, has proven to be something of a magic bullet at sniping down incoming mania, so I try to keep a stash handy – I popped one Saturday gone just to try and keep the train on the rails after barely sleeping for two weeks straight.

After accepting I was an alcoholic six years ago, I’ve gone entirely teetotal, and that itself has greatly improved my ability to monitor myself, to try and regulate my own mood – previously, I’d (technically binge)-drink more or less every single day, and drown out any troublesome hypomanic episode with even more booze, remaining entirely functional (if prone to starting each day with a big purging sick and then having a couple of practically clockwork spew breaks at work) until my liver and my nervous system started wildly red-flagging at the sheer relentless demands I was asking of them, the perpetual nature of my misguided self-medication, so I decided to stop dead drinking or risk further ruining my health.

Without in any way wishing to belittle or underestimate the impact of the disease (severe, bulk-of-a-year depression episodes have also nearly killed me) I feel like depression is something even people who don’t suffer from mental health problems can at least begin to comprehend, can take a stab at imagining the experience. Perhaps not the depths – the eroding, claustrophobic mental space, the glimmer of hope on the horizon disappearing into darkness, all sensory input turning to a grey mush, the head-in-a–tomb depersonalisation – but most people can relate to being “sad”, most people have experienced tragedy at some point in their lives. Hypomania, however, is a trickier prospect to explain. But I’ll try.

I can’t speak for others who experience the condition, but in my case, hypomania manifests itself across my whole physical, mental, emotional spectrum. Although other factors come into play, the biggest single trigger for me seems to be sleep deprivation. It’s no news that circadian rhythms and bipolar disorder are intrinsically interlinked, and I have very real first-hand experience. As a shiftworker (occasional nightshift worker) who lives on the opposite side of London to my office and has a four-month old daughter, my current sleep hygiene is pretty... ropey to say the least, so I’m trying to be extra vigilant. A few nights back-to-back of little sleep (I’m talking a hour or two, at the best of times my sleep is shit anyway and five hours is a good stint) I can often feel my mood changing gears.

Simply put, when I’m hypomanic, the world is a more engaging place; more detail fills the cracks, more edges pique my interest. All of my senses sharpen up – my vision becomes cleaner, brighter, more vivid, sound seemingly has additional frequency space, imperceptible before. My senses of smell and taste overwhelm me, aromas become intoxicating and normal food takes on gourmet qualities. My energy level skyrockets without any additional external input; I have much more impetus, enthusiasm about life, work, whatever. I can literally feel my mind starting to function differently – but not necessarily more efficiently – taking shortcuts, randomly accessing memories in remarkable detail without any prompt. I can think faster, but with less focus; I’m more distractible and will happily shoot off on wild tangents with complete disregard for my goal. Depending on circumstances at home or work, hypomania is a mixed bag – any lethargy is dispelled and my agency and job satisfaction is heightened, but I might, say, approach 20 tasks simultaneously when sequentially would be more rational.

Depending on social context, I expend varyingly extreme amounts of effort to varying degrees of success attempting to mask a hypomanic episode. You know how your body never really “heals”, and scurvy horrifyingly opens up old scars and shit? That’s kind of what my ever-simmering mental illness feels like when i’m consistently deprived of sleep for whatever reason, the cracks start appearing and it kinda seeps out a bit lol. I am well aware my hypomanic demeanour and delivery can alarm people, and I do try really, really, really hard to suppress things or if absolutely required, just remove myself from situations where a lasting, detrimental opinion could be formed. I am also fully aware I can become borderline intolerable to my long-suffering and remarkably patient wife, and I try to mitigate the condition’s impact on domesticity, again, only ever partially-successfully (sorry, Kate). On any given day, high, low, or creamy middle, I’d estimate around about 90% of my effort is put towards just trying to appear normal to others, trying to blend in. I imagine many other mentally ill people are broadly intolerant to open-plan hotdesking (not to mention the insatiable clock-in-and-hit-marks demands of capitalism).

I can physically feel my body “running hotter” when I’m hypomanic, like an overclocked CPU frazzling on a motherboard; headaches spark quickly if I don’t drink enough water. I’m not especially clued up on chemical synthesis of naturally-occurring hormones etc. but I kinda get the impression hypomania is little like organic, high-on-your-own-supply MDMA.

Hypomania seems to foster within me a deeper connection to and longing to revisit all of my favourite music, art, writing, films, games, people – chiefly, I go on obsessive listening binges of records I adore. As I mentioned earlier, my hearing changes when I’m hypomanic – songs sound better, richer, more punchy. One of my fondest ever memories of mental illness (sadly ruined by slipping into psychosis shortly afterwards) was walking around out at night listening to My Bloody Valentine’s Loveless on shitty earbuds via a Spotify stream and still hearing subtle elements blossoming from the mix I’d never clocked before; layers of what sounded like processed flutes fluttering under the wall of guitars, gentle tonal ebs and flows, what seemed to be entire hidden tracks I was only just tuning in to, a secret sound world unveiled.

This might well just be wild conjecture, but I like to think maybe some bands – the bands who “get it” – deliberately bury this audio information deep within the mix, only to be decoded by specific mental setups, be they drug-indicted or naturally, hormonally occurring, breadcrumb trails left in the studio production as a little nod by whoever put the music together that they understand the confusion, the dislocation and alienation of mental illness, something extra beyond the lyrics. It might well be bullshit but it brings me great comfort. I’ve put together a playlist of some favourite tunes I suspect were written about hypomanic states, knowingly or otherwise, or instead conjure up that specific vibe.

To be honest, the hardest thing I find about dealing with episodes of hypomania is that they can feel so good it’s very hard to not attempt to stoke the sensation, prolong it, succumb deeper to it. That way oblivion lies; please stand behind the yellow line at all times.

#hypomania #bipolar #mentalillness

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hitchell-mope · 5 years

Text

(Third film. After “ready as I’ll ever be”. In the woods of Auradon)

Lonnie (on her cellphone to Elsa): thank you your majesty. See you soon. (She hangs up). Ok. So we got Agrabah, Arendelle and New Orleans on our side.

Dizzy: what about Auroria and Cinderellasburg?

Jane: you know it just occurred to me how stupid some of these names sound

Lonnie (shrugging): we didn’t name em. Auroria. Possibly. Cinderellasburg. I dunno. Remember it’s her son who’s the homicidal maniac.

Dizzy: true

(In Ben’s office the three villains are looking at smoking hole in the carpet where the king once was)

Maleficent: is he dead

Chad: I dunno. Never done this before. Just thought of what would hurt him and did that. Dunno where that ball came from

Adam: what exactly would hurt him.

Chad: I think it was something to do with you sir

Adam: well he did destroy my portrait. And you had better hope he’s not dead. If he is then he’ll be used as a martyr and the bastards will be even harder to subjugate.

Maleficent: oh don’t worry. The bodies scattered throughout the kingdom? They’re merely asleep. The wand won’t allow otherwise. And a rookie did perform it after al

Adam: so what next?

Maleficent: I need to hunt down the ember and hopefully capture my daughter. You two make sure that the boy isn’t found by his allies.

Chad: Roger

Adam: we are not on a walkie-talkie

Chad (hopefully): but we could be?

Adam: no. You still have your cell

Maleficent: and you have a telapthic link with me. Adieu gentleman

(She disappears into purple smoke)

Chad: ooh I almost forgot. Where’s Audrey

Adam: don’t know don’t care. She’s not important. And she’s thrown in her lot with the villain spawn. She’s not worth saving son

Chad: I did this for her. I need to tell her. She can finally be my queen

Adam: and if she doesn’t want to? Because your skin is peeling off on your cheek

Chad: then I’ll make her. I have the wand. A little trance and then we dance.

Adam: whatever you think is best. Prince Chad of Auradon

Chad: I like that name

(On the island Facillier Celia and the boys have just sat down for lunch)

Carlos: god I forgot how good your cooking was

Facillier: well I’m glad I can still do something for you children. Even if it isn’t much

Gil: this is more then enough sir

Jay: to be honest I kinda missed this. Running away from Jafar. Coming here. Playing arcade games. Having proper good and not glass lined stew. Thank you

Facillier: your very welcome Jay. I have two extra slices for the girls when they come back from their fathers. Would they be interested

Gil: Evie would

Carlos: mom won’t. Vegetarian. But dad probably wil. If not then 🎶more for me🎶.

Jay: I’m done. I’ll put them on the bikes. You go play some games.

Carlos: ahaha I don’t think so. Not after yesterday. I’m coming with you. Don’t even try to stop me

Jay: and miss out on quality time with you? What am I? And idiot? Don’t answer that, just assume the position

(Carlos happily jumps in Jay’s back and they leave the arcade. The silence doesn’t last long)

Jay (from outside): HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK!!!!

(Carlos scurries back in slightly out of breath)

Carlos: the Hook’s stole our bikes. Jay’s chasing them. How long do you think mom and Evie will be at their dads?

Facillier: I don’t know. Why do they want there bikes

Carlos: the blonde said something about revenge redemption and repentance

Facillier: shit

Carlos: what

Celia: Harry’s alive. And they know.

(Outside the sisters Hook are on the bikes and Jay is chasing them. The give him the slip and he takes a shortcut which ends with him crashing through the apartment of someone he knows)

Jay: good thing I can’t get hurt

Cassim: Jay?

Jay: Cassim? You moved?

Cassim: I’m squatting.

Jay: of course. When this is all over I’m coming back for you personally. I need my grandpa after all

Cassim: Aladdin adopted you?

Jay: yup.

Cassim: I’m glad. Now what the hell are you doing

Jay: the Hook bitches stole two of our bikes. Trying to get them back.

Cassim: then go son, go

(Jay teleports away from the apartment straight into the girls path. They crash into him, flip over and land in a pile of crates against the wall)

Jay: you know. I have it on good authority that this is where your brother landed last year. After my friend stabbed him in the dick

Cj: don’t speak his NAME!

(She screams and aims a knife at his throat. He holds her wrist stopping her in the process. There’s a cracking sound)

Jay: do you really think you can hurt me. (Harriet tries to att ack him but he sweeps her legs from under her, she land on her back and he puts a foot on her throat) both of you are just as pathetic as your brother. Now. Tell me (his eyes glow bright gold) why did you steal the bikes?

Harriet (slowly suffocating): Harry. He’s, he’s

Jay: he’s what?

(In hades lair mother and son have just finished their talk)

Harry (still in disbelief): he though she was a mermaid. Oh god the injuicetus of it all

Hades: the what

Harry: it’s not fair. I can’t be related to those. Hold on. Do I have magic?

Hades: I don’t know. You might be a Vernon. James, while very bloodthirsty and oh so confident

Harry: yuck

Hades: is 100% fully human. So I don’t know if you have it in you.

Evie: and besides what do you care if you’re half mermaid? Your owner is an octopus. You haven’t got a leg to stand on

Harry: ohoho neither does the king kid sister

Evie: don’t call me that you have NO RIGHT

Harry: if I have magic. I’ll be more powerful then you

Evie: oh you think so do you? You’re only half god. The rest of you is stanky part human. I’m half sorceress. Mal’s half dark fairy. We’re better then you. In every way shape and form.

(This is when “anything you can do” happens. After the song)

Mal: are you two quote finished? Only cause I really want to get home before the kingdom falls and my fiancé dies

Evie (scoffing): of course. It’s always about what you want. You don’t even care that I’m in a crisis

Mal: I’m sorry what was that?

Evie: oh nothing. As always you’re too wrapped up in your own crap to see I’m suffering

Mal: oh my apologies dear sister. But who’s god awful advice last year led to the deaths of sixteen members of the paparazzi?

Evie: you’re the one that lost control. And then tried to kill me.

Mal: I was pissed that Ben got kidnapped. I also tasered Harry in the neck and nearly crushed Gil’s aorta in a fit of magic induced psychosis. You’re not special

(At this point the guys speak simultaneously)

Harry: you did what to Gil?

Hadie: you killed sixteen people?

Hades: that explains the magical history tour

Mal: Uma tore out my own heart and made me put it back, we used the book to resurrect them and yes the attempted sororicide is what led to it

Hades: wow. And. After all that. You still want to help.

Mal (shrugging): I live there. I have to help. Who else will?

Hades: the authorities. I don’t get it. After everything you’ve been through. Your mother. The coronation. The whatever it was the news called it last year

Evie: the green cyclone. It a lot PR to get rid of. I should know. I was in charge of it

Hades: and now this boy your mother possessed. You’re not thinking about yourself when you really should. By all means. Be all who you think they need you to be. Or be none of it. You don’t owe them or this world a thing. You never did.

Mal: is that from man of steel?

Hades: possibly. We get a lot of old used up films here

Mal: I never really paid attention to the movie besides the two leads

Evie: OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

Mal: ...I think we need to talk. We can use your den right dad?

Hades: be my guest

Mal: thank you. CMON!

(She teleports Evie and her self to the den and seals the place)

Mal: now c’mon. Spill. Out with it

Evie: out with what?

Mal: the reason you’ve been pissy since the altercation we all had with Adam

Evie: I just...don’t...see...why you’re... ok with all this

Mal: oh?

Evie: he left us. With them. And I know he had his reasons. But they doesn’t excuse or lessen what he did. And I’m so...angry. That you seem fine with it. And it’s not fair. You have the height. More magic. The title. I love Doug and I can’t even say it to him. You’re the main character in this little soap opera that is our lives and I’m on the fringe of it all trying desperately to get a major part. But of course. Your story way isn’t it. And it’s always been like this. Ever since we were thirteen and I stabbed it in the leg. Got a quick hug from Carlos and he rushed straight into your arms and you punted next into the barrier. It’s irrational. And illogical. But I’m not a Vulcan. I have my own shit to sort out and it just feel like I’m constantly waiting out there for it to be my turn. I I.

(This is when “waiting in the wings happens”)

Mal: wow. And yet you’ve never tried out for choir

Evie: hey!

Mal: sorry. But seriously. You’ve been holding onto this whatever this is. For what? Ten years?

Evie: I hate that you’re right. I hate that you’re coining and I’m not. And I hate

Mal: you think I’m coping? I hate it too. I hate that he left us just as much as you do. But I do understand it. If I couldn’t be near Carlos I’d do whatever I could to keep him safe. Even if it meant ceasing all contact. And I know you’d do that for Dizzy and Gil would do that for the twins. I don’t like it but I understand it.

Evie: I guess.

Mal: ready to go back in now?

Evie: fine

(They go back to the main room only to seek new problem)

Harry (absolutely incensed): WHADYA MEAN I LOST A YEAR OF MY LIFE!

The sisters (unimpressed): this should be interesting

(At the arcade. The Hook sisters are ties back to back on the dinner table. Carlos is having a minor breakdown)

Carlos: woah woah wait. So you’re telling me. That the bastard that’s haunted my nightmares since I was eleven years old. Is the son of hades, Mal and Evie’s older brother. And you never THOUGHT TO TELL ANYONE

Harriet: why would we AAAAAAAAARGH

(Jay just flexed the cord binding the two sending an exceedingly painful electric shock through both of them)

Jay: yeah. You don’t get to talk to Carlos. Neither of you deserve to talk to Carlos.

Cj: we only require the presence of one.

Jay: English please

Gil: me. CJ’s talking about me. What do you want.

Cj: do you even care. Did you even think about them. All year long. You forgot them. Traitor

Gil (with more calmness then they deserve): I do care. I come here with my brother and our friends every Friday and I help with the relocation. As for Uma and Harry. They terrify me. They gave me the same look you’re giving me right now when I left. Uma wanted to get out of here, who wouldn’t, but when anything doesn’t go her way she turns cold and horrible. Harry, well, you know how he is. I loved them. And I know they loved me. But they terrify me. And you don’t terrify people you love. So no. I’m not the traitor. No matter what you say.

Jay: how long have you known?

Harriet: since Hadie brought him to the ship 19 1/2 years ago. I was three. I named him after meself.

Celia (unimpressed): huh inspired.

Harriet: if pa knew he had made it with a god who can take a lady’s form at will and sired a child in the process. Harry wouldn’t have lived to say his first words. And don’t either you dare say that it woulda been a good thing

Carlos (muttering): well

Harriet: SHUDDIT. It didn’t help. Father hated him. Insulted him. Tried to hurt him. It’s why I broke both his legs and poked out his eye. Everything I’ve ever done is to protect my brother and sister. And I’ll not have him be put at risk because his whore of a mother couldn’t keep her pissing mouth shut!

Jay (chuckling): I’m sorry have you MET your brother?

Harriet: yes. He’s an angel has a great respect for women. Would kill for his family. I raised him right

Jay: you raised a perverted overly violet ambiance is what you did

Carlos: I just hope that mom and Evie kill him before he gets here

(In the lair Harry’s having one of his patented meltdowns)

Harry: I remember HAHAHAHA I rememhahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA

Evie: May I?

Hades: May you what?

(Evie walks up to her mortal older brother and slaps him around the face so hard he spins in perfect 360 and falls on his face slapped cheek landing on the floor painfully)

Harry: owwww

Mal: you’ve lost a year of your life. Big rotting whoop. You’re still nineteen

Harry: that’s even worse. I should still be young and beautiful

(The girls burst into hysterical laughter. So much so they actually start choking on air. Their brother is unimpressed)

Harry: so not only do you hate me. You think I’m ugly

Mal (trying very hard to keep a straight face): you are not a 12 year old girl and I am not your mother. So yes. Your hideously repulsive to me. More to the point. You’re nothing. You were born nothing. And god willing you’ll die nothing. You repulse me and everyone you know. The only reason our cousin ever kept you around is because she felt sorry for you

(Harry slaps her around the face. In turn she punches him in his face. Then uses magic to screw him up into a tiny little ball. And kicks him into the tv. After which he unfurls himself looking very much the worse for wear. This is when “you’re a mean one mister Hook” happens. After the song)

Evie: so you think we can leave him here as a moulding husk?

Mal (ruefully glancing at their father): I highly doubt it. The Samaritan here will probably heal him.

Evie: ooh idea time

Mal: yeah.

Evie: a repeat of last year. We take it hostage. And make Uma comply to our demands.

Mal: hmmmmm tempting. Can we still keep it beaten bloody and broken.

Hadie: ok this has been alluded to but I gotta know! What did he do. If he’s just in a different gang to you what could he have possibly done to make you hate him so much?

Mal: he attacked my son five years ago. He kidnapped my boyfriend and tried to throw him to sharks

Evie: he extorted my daughter for protection money. He fought my boyfriend last year

Harry: the dwarf stabbed me in the dick

The sister rotten: YOU DESERVE IT

Mal: he’s a foul vile disgusting little troglodyte who deserves eternal torment

Evie: he’s literally a bastard son of a bitch, father

Hades: somehow I think that was directed at me

Evie: ohoho if you’re ever going to be sure of anything in your too long life, be sure that every insult I currently have racing around in my brain is directed at you

Hades: thank you dear

Mal: we should get going

Evie: agreed

Mal: first though dad. Two questions. One. May I have the ember please? (He tosses it to her). Much obliged. Two. Come with us. Please?

Hades (looking guiltily ashamed): ah

Hadie: our dear old dad has barely left the lair. Yesterday’s incident was the first time he’s gone that far since

Evie: my second birthday. Of course

Hades: I’m sorry. I am so so sorry. I just. I can’t risk you, any of you, getting hurt because of me.

Mal (disappointedly): ah. Oh well. That’s fine. Long shot anyway. C’mon E. Wait.

Hadie: what’s wrong.

Mal: that (she points at Harry’s unconscious form). What’re we gonna do with it?

Evie: we’re gonna have to take him with us. A genuine hostage situation. If Uma tries anything. We threaten it’s life

Mal: I like those odds. (She conjures up a hair thin coil of rope and hogties Harry with it). There. That should do the trick

Hadie: doesn’t that hurt him

The sisters rotten: who cares?

(They leave the lair with the pirate railing behind like a deformed balloon. Once they’re at the arcade Evie stops Mal just before the dragon goes inside )

Evie: wait wait wait!

Mal: what what what?

Evie: ok. First of all. Uncalled for. Second of all. What do we tell the others about that?

(She points to Harry)

Mal: the truth

Evie: ok I know you have this “I don’t lie” policy, which is frankly bullshit, but sometimes lying is better

Mal: they’ll find out anyway. No use in letting it fester. C’mon

(They enter the arcade. And immediately notice the hook sisters chained up on the table)

Mal: hey guys. What’s going on?

Jay: they stole our bikes. Mine and Carlos’s bikes they were trying to find Pennywise

Harriet (happy cry/laughing): oh my god. You’re alive AAAARGH

Jay (holding the ignited and still burning chain): hush bitch.

Carlos: is it true mom?

Mal: yes.

Carlos: you and Evie I understand. But him. Dear god hades have some self respect

Evie: Hook thought she was a mermaid

Carlos: she?

Mal: Hades is Harry’s mother. Mine and Evie’s father. Harry’s mother

Carlos: huh, makes sense

Evie: in other news. I’m a day younger than Mal. The result of a rebound apparently

Mal: Maleficent left the morning after the wedding night.

Carlos (massaging the bridge of his nose): that’s a lot of information to get in thirty seconds

Mal: sorry hon.

Celia: what do we do now?

Jay: take all three of them hostage. If Uma tries anything. Off them one by one

Carlos Evie and Celia: agreed

Mal: Gil, buddy, you’ve not said anything yet. You ok?

Gil: how is he?

Facillier: he’s fine son. He’s preserved. Intact. He’s

Gil: is he still mad. About last year.

Cj: if he’s retained the sense Harriet taught him he’ll be mad as all get out

(The core four and Celia exchange a look that says “this explains so much)

Carlos: we’ve got to wake it up don’t we?

Mal: sadly yes. Jay you’re much more level headed than oh no...

(Her attentions turned to the tv where an emergency news report is airing. In Arendelle Elsa is preparing her leave)

Anna: how long are you gonna be gone?

Elsa: as long as my daughter needs me.

Anna: well then. Beat the bastards.

Elsa: oh believe me. I will.

(She takes her rucksack and teleports away to Auradon. She slams into a dome two hundwred miles from the castle and falls to the forest floor. Back on the island Hadie’s on his exercise bike. Hades however)

Hades: I made the right choice didn’t I? It’s not a good idea for me to go. So I shouldn’t. But I should. Bugger it. I don’t know. What do you think? What should I do

(Hadie hops off the exercise bike and faces his dad)

Hadie: what do you want me to say father? You did what you thought was best. I told you not to go try and give her the ember yesterday and look what happened. And now you’re asking me if you made the right decision? I can’t tell you that. Sorry but I can’t

Hades: I know. And don’t be sorry. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. Oooh. Idea.

Hadie: what?

Hades: go with them. Protect them.

Hadie: really?

Hades: yeah. Iri...Mal has the ember

Hadie: oh but they still don’t like you

Hades: but Mal likes you

Hadie: good point. I better get ready then

Hades: HAHA!

(This is when “I’m so sorry” happens. After the song. In the arcade. The news caster is fear-mongering)

Newscaster: we don’t know what’s happening. The black smoke descends and leaves people unconscious. It is believed that a villain may have escaped the barrier after Hades’s attempt yesterday afternoon. The king is missing and lady Mal is nowhere to be fargh (he lets out a strangled scream as his heart is ripped out of his back. His face goes slack and he speaks with Maleficent’s voice) I know you are watching dear. So do me the courtesy of paying attention for a change. I know he gave you the ember. For some reason he took quite a shine to me so it would make sense that you are the favourite. Can not fathom why though. You are basically useless and very difficult to love. Anyway. Give me the ember at your earliest convenience and return to the isle with me and the toffs will live. Fail to do so. And I shall kill every last man women and child in Auradon until only tour pathetic little friends are left. And I will make you do away with them. Just know Maleficent Bertha that if you deny me what happens is your fault. You’d choice sweetie. (The heart is placed back into the mans chest) I’m sorry I don’t know what happened for a minute there urk

(His neck twists violently to the left and he falls down dead)

Mal: oh no. Oh nononononononono.....

(She enters a verbal cycle that only Jay notices. He switches off the tv and gets on the dinner table)

Jay: ok. EVERYBODY OUT. NOW

(Everyone hightails it outside and he sits down beside Mal on the floor)

Jay: it’s ok. You’ll be fine.

Mal: you don’t know that

Jay: I do. I do know that. You know how I know that? This sort of thing has happened to us so many times before. And you know what we do? We win. Every. Single. Goddamn. Time. And besides. You have the one thing Maleficent or chad will never have.

Mal: what? What do I have

Jay: you have me. You’ll always have me. I’m always gonna be there for you. Whatever happens. Be sure if this. I’m here for you

(This is when “I’ll be there for you” happens.)

#disney descendants #zendaya!mal

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