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#that would have also been a perfectly fine and lovely way to write that part of the story
tathrin · 26 days
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Hey, so do you ever stop to think about how the premise of Lord of the Rings being an in-universe book written by some of the characters who lived through that story means that they decided what parts and perspectives to use to tell that story...?
And when our authors weren't there to experience the events themselves, they have to rely on what they're told about them by the characters who were there, right...?
Okay so stop and think about the Glittering Caves.
We never actually go to the caves in the narrative. Tolkien LOVES describing nature and natural beauty, but we don't actually see the caves described "by him" the way we do other places. Obviously Gimli's words are Tolkien's, yes; but we only see the caves filtered through his words about them, after the fact.
When Gimli and Éomer and the other Rohirrim take refuge there, the narrative doesn't follow them. Obviously from a narrative standpoint this is to keep the focus narrow, and not to interrupt the battle-sequence with a long ode to the beauty of the caves, and to create tension in the reader who doesn't know if these characters are okay or not. Which all makes sense!
But think about it in terms of the book that was written in Middle-earth by the folk living there. Why DON'T we get to have a direct experience of those caves? Gimli obviously related several other parts of the story that none of the Hobbits were there to witness to them, and which were written into the books as Direct Events Happening In The Narrative (think of the Paths of the Dead scene, for one of the more visceral moments!). So why not the Glittering Caves?
Was it because they wanted to keep that narrative focus and tension, and so they didn't include his perspective on that part of the battle? Perhaps, that's certainly a possibility to consider.
But also consider: when we do hear about the Glittering Caves, what we hear is Gimli telling Legolas about the Glittering Caves. THAT is the part of that event that is considered of importance to include in the book: not Gimli's actual experience when he was in them, but rather the part where he relates that experience TO Legolas.
And I kind of just THOUGHT about that today.
And went HUH.
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coloursofaparadox · 8 months
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listen. okay. i know my car is held together with sheer force of will and gusto. but it is perfectly functional!!! yes, i have part of the panel on the trunk permanently removed so i can reach inside and manually pull the mechanism to latch it. and yeah, the drivers door handle only works because of some creative industrial strength zip ties. out of 4 doors i think two have the correct corresponding interior handles. half of them work. 2 out of 4 windows do not roll down, and 1 is on its last legs but still functioning due to a barbeque brush and silicone lube (and i have to push it down with my hands). and okay MAYBE it becomes undrivable when we go long stretches without rain because the front wiper fluid just sadly trickles down the hood and i have to use the whims of the weather to clean my windshield of grime. at least both wipers stay attached while driving and definitely 100% for sure always have (it was fine no one got hurt).
listen. she is doing her best. when i bought her the transmission fluid was brown. you know what colour its supposed to be? pale pink. sometimes oil just. leaves. doesn't leak! doesnt seem to be getting through a seal into the enginel! just. it goes. the amp and two 12 inch subwoofers in the back scream in audible pain when i rev the engine. the parking brake light comes on at random when it gets cold outside. im not sure what its trying to tell me and i dont care to find out. the clock only works when u hit it. im also like 80% sure that putting the gearshift in park doesn't actually work and the emergency brake is the only thing keeping it from rolling downhill, but also one time i drove with the parking brake on and didn't even notice the difference, so ?
anyways. uh. i forgot my point. she is driveable and functional and i love her.
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ellecdc · 3 months
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Hi gorggg can i request an angst wolfstar fic where reader is kind of insecure of her placement within their relationship? like they’re both so close already and she’s a new addition so she kinda just feels out of place.
thank you for your amazing writing!! doing the world a favor❤️❤️❤️
Hey babes! Thanks SO much for the request 'cause truly, this is my shit. Now, I have to admit that I'm obsessed with these fics that have the same vibe by moonstruckme (poly!marauders) and super-clearlysaltybouquet (poly!wolfstar), so really, they're the blueprints/inspiration for this piece
also...I'm a whore for hurt/comfort. But you asked for ANGST...so I've given you only angst and no comfort. If you want comfort, you'll have to ask for a part two 💖 hope you love it!!! UPDATE: part two is here.
poly!wolfstar x fem!reader
CW: insecurities in relationship, feeling out of place, angst, hurt no comfort
It felt silly, really, to feel as sad as you did. You were currently sitting with two boys who you’ve been basically in love with for so long - two boys who have proclaimed to feel the same way about you - and on the outside you were sure this looked like a really lovely moment.
It just didn’t feel very lovely. 
You didn’t think your discontentedness stemmed from anything the boys had done in particular, but even seeing the way they instinctively leaned closer to one another when anyone else approached the three of you left you feeling like an outsider looking in.
Maybe you were overthinking things. Maybe this was just your insecurities showing.
Or maybe…maybe…the three of you had made a mistake.
Maybe you weren’t cut out for polyamory; it certainly wasn’t for the weak, and it certainly wasn’t easy being the newest addition to the relationship. 
You felt lost in most conversations, missing key information that inside jokes, years of friendship, and living together in the same tower - the same dorm room – led to. It felt as though they were fluent in a language you were only starting to pick up, and you didn’t want them to have to slow down for your sake. You didn’t want one of them to have to play the role of translator just for your benefit. 
But then, why were you here?
You weren’t calm, relaxed, and witty like Remus. And you weren’t funny, exciting, and energetic like Sirius. They seemed to already balance each other out perfectly; maybe that’s why it felt so easy to fall into the role of a background character in your own relationship.
There was a brief ‘honeymoon’ period to your relationship; a time of public proclamations, handholding and PDA, dates, and spending every moment the three of you could together.
It was exciting.
And then it was less exciting – not to you, never to you - but it seemed to be that way for them.
Suddenly, it was dates and then them returning to their dorm – back home – without you. It was silent conversations with nothing but a look between the two of them that didn’t include you in the slightest. It was professors announcing partner projects, and them pairing together immediately which was fine, you told yourself, because you always partnered with Shelby anyway and that’s the way it had always been before.
Before. 
This is the way it had always been before. 
So, what were you doing here, exactly? What were you doing sitting on a blanket near the Black Lake with a book in your hand, while Sirius’ hand gripped around your ankle gently as Remus played with Sirius’ hair from where his head was laying in his lap, whilst Sirius and Remus talked about pranks, something funny that James said, and setting Peter up with some Hufflepuff girl? 
You could tell you were being insecure… that you were overthinking this. You could tell you were being unreasonable because every so often, Sirius’ hand wouldn’t just be resting around your ankle, but he would squeeze it gently or rub his thumb across your Achilles tendon as if to convince himself that you were still here; still real. And every so often, Remus would move his gaze from where it laid on his own book or away from Sirius whom he was speaking with to look at you… check on you… confirm you were still there; still okay. 
They cared. They had to, right? Cared that you were here? They wouldn’t have asked you otherwise, surely. They wouldn’t be making the effort to keep a hand on you, or their eyes on you. Surely, they would never have decided to open their relationship to include you in it.
But there it was…the truth.
It was their relationship. And they’d opened it up for you.
It should be the second part of that sentence that spoke to you the most, but in your mind and insecurities, the second seemed like the whole truth. 
This was their relationship.
You shouldn’t be here.
“You still with us, dove?” Remus asked gently, distracting you from your musings. You suddenly realized that your book you were holding had fallen limply into your lap and you were staring unseeingly at the Black Lake. The boys had apparently paused their conversation to look at you, and Sirius’ thumb continued its tender caressing of the soft of your joint.
“Yeah.” You said, but it came out scratchy. You cleared your throat and tried again. “Yeah, sorry, I must have zoned out for a second.”
Sirius wiggled your ankle. “Daydreaming again, huh? About us I bet.” He teased with a wink. 
You wiggled your ankle back at him as he leaned his head up from Remus’ lap, lips puckered in an ask (a demand) for a kiss.
This may be fleeting, so who were you to deny him?
You leaned forward on one hand, the other still holding your book, and pressed a kiss to the black-haired boy’s lips. He smiled into it and let you go all too willingly as you leaned back and tried to focus on your book. 
The air around you began to feel heavy before the sound of distant thunder permeated your hearing.
“Damn, I guess Scottish weather isn’t very reliable, hm?” Remus said as he began packing up his things.
“It’s too bad.” Sirius murmured as he began to stand. “I was having a nice time out here with you two.”
You smiled back at him as he extended a hand to help you up.
“We’re still on for a study date tomorrow after dinner, right?” He asked you when you were at your full height.
“Yeah, sure. If you guys will have me.” You responded shyly, hating that you even hinted at any of your insecurities.
Sirius scoffed in response, but it was Remus who answered. “’Course we do, dove. We’re looking forward to it.”
You felt like you should be a little embarrassed at the way your heart fluttered hopefully at the sentiment, but you focused instead on Sirius’ smile and Remus’ soft eyes as the three of you made your way back to the castle. 
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You hadn’t seen the boys at all today. You unfortunately slept through your alarm, making you miss breakfast completely; generally, you’d sit with Sirius, Remus, and their friends at the Gryffindor table. The two of them were no shows for lunch, so you opted to sit with Shelby instead. And it was Friday, and on Friday’s you didn’t share any classes with them, meaning by the time you made it to dinner, you’d not seen or heard from them at all.
“Hey James.” You commented as you headed towards James, Lily, and Regulus sitting at the Slytherin table. “Have you seen Rem or Sirius at all today?” Of course, you knew that he had, he lived with them.
James seemed to grimace slightly, but the expression was fleeting before he was smiling at you again. 
He knew something you didn’t.
“The last I heard they were talking about your study date tonight.” He offered. You could tell he was putting on an extra show of enthusiasm for your benefit. You tried to be grateful for it, but it left a sour taste in your mouth, nonetheless.
“Okay, thank you.” You said as you turned to head to find a seat with Shelby. 
“Oh, Y/N.” Lily called after you. “You’re welcome to sit with us, if you’d like?”
You grinned gratefully at Lily as she smiled kindly at you, even though your heart clenched on account of the clearly pitying offer. Was it as obvious to everyone else as it was to you that you were so out of place with Remus and Sirius? Could they all see it too?
“That’s alright. I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” You called as you walked away.
The boys weren’t avoiding you, were they? Surely, they would have said something to you if there was a problem.
Although, perhaps they wouldn’t, seeing as you had clearly been spiraling for some time now and have yet to discuss it with them.
Would they even meet you in the library later? Certainly, they would have said if something came up…if you needed to reschedule.
No. 
You were obviously being silly. You hadn’t seen them all day, but they hadn’t seen you either – it was just a coincidence. You were fine.
Except you weren’t fine. Because it was about seven minutes after the time you had agreed to meet them before the boys joined you in the library. Remus offered you a hasty “sorry we’re late, dove” and a squeeze of your shoulder before taking a place at the table across from you, and Sirius pecked a quick kiss into your hair and sat beside you without saying a word.
It was painfully awkward. You’d asked them how their days were – Remus answered for the both of them before he asked you how yours was in turn.
After two more (failed) attempts on your part to make conversation, the rest of the study session was spent in silence. And not a comfortable silence.
It was the kind of silence that had you checking your surroundings every so often. The kind of silence that made you feel as if bugs were crawling over your skin.
Every time you looked across at Remus, he seemed to be shooting concerned glances over at Sirius. Every time you looked in your periphery at Sirius, you could see he was zoned out, eyes rimmed and red like he’d been crying or angrily rubbing at them. 
If something was wrong, they would have told you – right?
If they were regretting being with you, they wouldn’t have shown - right? 
If they were going to break up with you, they wouldn’t do it in the library of all places.
Right?
Your musings were interrupted when Sirius let out a sharp breath and closed his book unceremoniously. 
“Sorry guys, I’m not feeling the best. I think I’m going to pack it up.”
Remus immediately perked up, looking like he was ready to pack up too. “Okay, do you want company?”
Do you want me to come with you?
“No, that’s alright. Don’t let me impede your studying. I’ll catch up with you later, ‘kay?”
I’ll talk to you more in our dorm room when we’re alone, Remus.
“Sorry, sweets. I’ll make it up to you.” He said as he hugged you from behind and kissed your neck. 
“Okay, I hope you feel better.” You offered as you awkwardly pat his arms. He gave you a half-hearted smile before quickly exiting the library.
Once his figure disappeared from your vision, you turned back to see Remus still looking towards the way Sirius just left; he was still poised as if he was ready to pack up and go after him.
You suddenly felt guilty…because if you weren’t here, he would be going… He’d be going after his boyfriend and comforting him through…whatever he’s going through.
So now, here you were keeping Remus from where he really wanted to be, and Sirius from having the support that he needs…that he deserves.
My gods, you’ve made such a terrible mistake. How did the three of you not notice?
“Sorry about that, love.” Remus mentioned quietly, offering you a half smile. “He…he got a letter from his family today. He doesn’t really talk about it with people.”
He talked about it with you, though.
“It usually takes him a day or two to sort it out before he comes back to us.”
You mean back to you, James, and Peter…
“I’ll talk to him.”
When you leave me…to go to him.
You hated even feeling petulant about it. One of the things you loved about these boys was how much they loved each other. The trust, the affection, the care…you had just hoped that somehow, you’d get to enjoy those things too.
You offered him the best smile you could muster as you turned back towards your book. You could no longer make the words out as your vision blurred, tears threatening to spill out over the arithmancy calculations spread below you. 
You couldn’t keep doing this. Not to Remus, not to Sirius…and certainly not to yourself. You deserved better, all three of you did. 
You were being selfish, inserting yourself into their relationship like this; demanding things from them that they didn’t owe you.
“You know what,” you offered quietly, clearing your throat as your voice came out scratchy, grating along the lump lodged in your throat. “I think I’ve gotten enough studying done for tonight.”
You stood and started piling your things together. 
“Oh…are, are you sure?” Remus asked like he was willing to argue, but he too was standing and starting to pack his bag – eager to get to his dorm and check on Sirius. 
“Yeah, I did some work on it at dinner as well.”
Remus grimaced slightly at that.
“I’m sorry dove, really. The three of us clearly haven’t had a great day. I’ll talk to Sirius, and I promise we’ll all be back in sync in no time.”
You looked into his eyes and saw sincerity.
Back in sync.
Were we ever in sync to begin with?
“Can I walk you to your dorm?” He asked as he made to move around the table, but he paused at you quickly shaking your head.
“No, no I’m alright. I can find my way.” You tried to joke, but it fell flat.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. No, don’t worry about it just – uhm – just make sure he’s okay for me, yeah?” You asked as you walked backwards to the door. Remus must’ve picked up something in your tone, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked you up and down.
“I really am sorry, Y/N. We’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
You quickly wiped away a stray tear that found its way out of your water line and gave him the biggest smile you could muster.
This was better, you thought, let everyone out of their misery.
“’Course. I’ll, uhm, I’ll see you around, Lupin.”
And you left. 
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liveontelevision · 2 months
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Hi! I wasnt exactly sure if you’re taking request but i was hoping for something with Lucifer and a babysitter reader. Maybe they baby sat Charlie, and they just have a lot of tension. And then maybe them reuniting after him and lilith have split and it all goes down 👀
Love your slowburny Lucifer fics 🙏🙏
!!!
First off, thank you! I'm really glad you enjoy my stuff! I've been struggling with writing recently, so your request was perfectly timed lol
Also Yes! I'm always taking requests!
Plus, it's such a good request.. so good, I had way too many ideas for how it could go. So - this is a 2 parter >:) Suffer
CW: No smut yet, just suggestive fluff for now
(Edit- This series is complete! All parts are on my master list and I'll tag them here aa well!)
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6
Suffer | Lucifer x Reader
It really was a happy day in Hell when the royals introduced an heir to the throne. A darling daughter, who was the first of her kind; A hellborn baby, birthed by a sinner and an archangel. No one really knew what to expect or what kind of powers she held. But they had to be immense. She had to be some kind of beast, based on her genes alone. In theory. 
One look at her, all swaddled up in her mother's arms, Lucifer fell in love all over again. Sure, he was ecstatic to hear that he was having a child, but he didn't realize how much of an effect she’d have on him. She was an absolute angel. Mostly. Great powers must be controlled, and that isn't exactly something an infant can comprehend. It was innocent at first, with little fireworks coming from fingertips, toys being lost in portals, and horns and tails emerging during temper tantrums. Nothing a good nanny couldn't fix. 
That’s what Lillith’s mindset was, at least. It was a heated debate between the married couple, with Lucifer arguing a child needs to be loved and adored by their parents. He was willing to put in the time, why wasn't she? Of course, Lilith was a busy demon, with the whole empowering demonkind with her voice and songs thing, but too busy to handle her own baby?
“She’s gonna be an adult before we know it. Can’t you spend a few decades seeing her grow up..?” Lillith delicately takes her cutlery to her mouth, picking at the dinner she shared with her husband, who was seated on the other end of their lengthy table.
“Unlike you, my love, I have duties to attend to. Someone has to keep things running smoothly, to keep every demon’s hopes as high as they can be. You remember what it was like falling, being all alone and left in an unfamiliar world? I wouldn't want anyone else to feel that way. Would you?” He hated to agree, but did so anyway. She always knew what to say to make him feel guilty. Either way, she was right. He really didn't do much nowadays. He worked in his shop more, his newborn daughter becoming a great source of inspiration, but Lillith handled most of the publicity. Which, in Hell, is one of the only purposes for royalty. Lucifer didn't need to create life anymore, Hellborn creations were multiplying just fine. Probably a little too much, actually. He had all the free time in the world to shower his daughter with affection. 
“ I mean..! I guess not, but they're filthy little demons, and this is your daughter! You want to leave her in the hands of some stranger? It’s just.. not right..! She needs a mother, Lily!” He was clearly passionate about this. Slamming his fists on the table, he sent ripples through the poured wine in front of Lillith’s plate.
“Lucifer. You’re causing a scene.” He hated when she said that, too. And again, he shrunk back in his seat, keeping his mouth shut. They had been drifting apart for a while, the distance not doing them any favors. He had no interest in interacting with demonkind and was fully comfortable with letting Lillith take that on, so they became more distant as she tended to Hell’s growing population.
When she rose from her seat, he finally perked up, hoping to meet her eyes. She was already halfway out of the room. “I’ll do all the work, darling, not to worry. I’ll make sure any candidate is thoroughly interviewed and trained, I promise.” Her voice was reassuring, even with the heartless subject matter. Leaving Lucifer alone in the room with some imps that usually stand along the walls, he spotted her almost untouched plate. pushing away from the table, he nearly knocked his heavy, ornamented chair onto the ground and left through another exit.
“Oh, Charlie.. Your mother loves you very much.” He swung the bundled-up baby in his arms, reveling in the sound of her giggles. Pressing a quick kiss to her forehead, he placed her carefully in her golden crib. Standing over her, he leaned onto the railing, watching her large red eyes flutter shut. “And.. I will shelter and adore you, sweetheart. I love you, more than anything.” He wiped a little tear that began to well up in his eye when he spoke and struggled to finally pull himself away. Protecting himself from his intrusive thoughts, he held his arms across his chest and turned to leave her nursery.
“Aww, that was so sweet..” The figure leaning in the doorframe caused him to let out a startled yelp. “Who the Hell.. You have to leave, whoever you are.” He became immediately defensive, holding his hand away from the crib in some form of protection, but he still spoke in a hushed voice. If you were just an imp he wouldn't be as worked up, but you were a sinner. A sinner who suddenly appeared in his daughter’s room. “O-oh! Um, sorry, I thought the queen would’ve.. I’m your new nanny..?” You let out a nervous chuckle, shrugging your tensed shoulders. And now? You’re admitting you're the very demon who’ll be raising his daughter alongside him. He dropped his arms, letting out a scoff, clearly unenthused. Looking you up and down, he stood there staring daggers. After a moment of awkward silence, you held out your hand to shake his, but he didn’t respond to it.
“What are your qualifications? Where did you come from? What makes you think you’re worthy of laying hands on my daughter? The princess of Hell?” He circled you, in an attempt to intimidate you, despite his small stature. “Well, um... When I was alive, I was the oldest kid at the foster house I grew up in. It wasn’t the best facility, so I basically raised most of the girls there.. I’ve seen it all, I guarantee.” You tried to lighten the mood with a quick smile, but it didint do much. “And Lillith approves of you?” You nodded, gripping the hem of your skirt nervously. “Hm. I am not as easily swayed as my wife. She’s my daughter, too. You’ll have to do better than - “ An ear-piercing wale comes from behind him. The commotion must've woken Charlie up. “Oh! No no nono..” His demonic presence faded to reveal what he really was. A father. He scooped her up and cooed, hushing her and swaying her slowly. It did nothing to help. That’s when another fact clicked in your mind; he wasn’t just a father, he was a new father. He lets out a nervous groan, wiping tears away from her heated cheeks.
“Your majesty..?” You slowly approached him, both of you still on edge. “May I?” He was clearly still debating the idea, but another loud wail had him hesitantly passing the swaddled child to your arms. He had such a light hold on her, you noticed his hands trembling when he finally released her into your grasp. You held her close, her front against your chest as you hummed in a low tone a little tune. You picked up a little trick, the vibrations from your chest helped calm her down. The action of swaying the baby and engrossing yourself in the little song running through your head actually calmed the both of you. You still spoke softly, in a low tone, “Thank you, sir. For trusting me with her, i mean. I’ll be here for anything you need. Anything she needs.” You sent him a warm smile. He simply nodded his head slowly, still witnessing the miracle that is someone with experience caring for a child. Maybe this could work out.. What could go wrong?
“I’m gonna getcha!” A high-pitched giggle filled the corridors of the manor, Lucifer rounds the corner to follow after his surprisingly speedy toddler. He was mostly having fun with this little game of tag but was also mildly concerned by her growing distance. “Gotcha!” A pair of arms swooped down from around another corner, scooping Charlie up as she let out a playful yelp. You held her in a tight hug, before adjusting your position to hold her up comfortably. Lucifer panted, smiling at the sight of you and his daughter, despite him being out of breath. “G-good catch.. Hoof..!” He stretches his arms upwards, then places them on the small of his back. “Aren’t you the most powerful being in Hell? Why are you acting like a middle-aged dad with a broken back?” you laughed through your words, the sound making Charlie laugh along. He stood up straight and crossed his arms over his chest, a pout on his face. “Uh, It’s for fun? Ever heard of playing pretend?” You bit your lip to prevent yourself from mocking him anymore. “Don’t laugh!” You shook your head, then watched him open his arms out to you. Or, to Charlie, actually, but you stepped back instead of handing her over. “Oh, I forgot to remind you, you actually have to head to the Heaven Embassy in a bit, so I’m gonna put Charlie down for her nap instead.” He dropped his arms and grimaced. “Right..”
This mid-day nap was a sort of tradition for Lucifer and his daughter. It was one of the few moments that Lucifer looked forward to these days. You knew that. As much as you enjoyed your job, it came with the unfortunate privilege of seeing Lucifer in his slumps. You rarely saw Lillith, actually, but that made sense. You were only here for Charlie while Lillith couldnt be. When you did spot her iin passing, you’d hand Charlie over and let the two of them have a sweet interaction, usually a quick hug and peck on the forehead, but that was usually it. You’d always notice Charlie clinging onto your shoulder and looking back in her mother’s direction whenever she handed her daughter back to you. It always crushed your heart to hear her go silent after those moments.
“Actually, I was wondering if you’d want to help get her ready for the gala tonight? You should be back in time and it won't take long. Lilith only wants her to make a quick appearance, so it shouldn't be too much work.. Good bonding moment, too!” His eyes sparkled at your invitation and he was quick to accept it. “Thank you, dear. I’ll find you after that meeting.” As he goes to walk past you, he places a hand on your back. He does this often, but as the years went on, it shifted from your shoulder to your shoulderblade, and now he delicately places his hand on your lower back whenever he can. It made you anxious at first.. Was anxious the right word? Either way, you didn't stop him.
He leaned in to place a kiss on Charlie’s forehead, becoming increasingly close to your own face. It wasn't a quick motion. He pressed a dramatic kiss onto her head, letting out a mwah! sound as he pulled back. But before he did, he looked up to you with half-lidded eyes. The eye contact seemed to last forever. And you ever wanted it to stop. A small hand came up and patted Lucifer’s cheek, a childish giggle breaking the moment between you two. What were you thinking? He’s your employer, he’s a king. He’s kind, and sweet, and tries really hard to be a good dad. Nope! Stop it.
“Right! Meeting! Heaven! Gonna.. Yup, I’ll see you.. Uh..” You finished off his words, “ - tonight?”
“Exactly! You got it! Bye, Darling!” He waved his hand off and walked off in a random direction that you were pretty sure didn't lead to where he was supposed to go. “I-I was talking to Charlie, by the way!” You heard from around the corner. You couldn’t stop your laughter with that one. “I know.” You said it softly, not letting him hear the slight disappointment in your voice.
The Gala wasn't a new event, Lillith held them often. Lucifer made his appearance with Charlie, then usually would make up some excuse to get out of the room. Gathering the leaders of each ring of Hell and some of the more powerful overlords, and demons, it was still a big deal. You dressed up Charlie often, since she would throw a temper tantrum when any of the stylists would try to get her ready. You didn't mind, you actually enjoyed prettying her up. You stalled for as long as you could, before beginning to dress her. You wanted to wait for Lucifer, but you assumed he got caught up in some kingly duties. It wasn’t that big of a deal. Don’t be upset. Stop missing him.
“Sorry - Sorry! I'm here!” The blonde demon rounds the corner, hopping on his one foot to balance himself before stopping firmly in Charlie's room. He was wearing an incredibly elegant suit. A dark purple sash cinches His waist, which was only visible because his jacket was hung over his shoulder. His shirt was speckled in gold, matching his hair when under certain light. “Had to convince them I could finish getting ready on my own! Damn stylists, can't catch a break with them.” He let out an awkward laugh, followed by a hoot. He sees Charlie, in her dark purple dress, with small poofed out sleeves, made of a transparent tool. “Charchar! Look at you, kiddo!” He scooped her up and held her close while he swung around. “You're beautiful, sweetheart.” He knew she wouldn't understand that until she was older, but never stopped him from praising her.
He pressed his forehead against hers, laughing along with her. You hated to break the tender moment, but you cleared your throat, bringing the attention back to you. “She's just about ready, just got her hair left.” He placed her back in the chair as you went for a brush. Working through her hair piece by piece, Lucifer suddenly stopped you. “Um.. can I try?” You nodded eagerly, handing the brush over. He swiped slowly, ebing startled by the crunch of a knot, he froze and pulled it away. “It’s okay, you won't hurt her - “ You didn't need to help him this way. Honestly, if anyone were to come in and witness this you could be fired. Still keeping that in mind, you place your hand over his, and guide the brush indirectly, to carefully work through her hair.
After far too long, you pulled your hand away and went to grab some other accessories. His brain was completely fried by the interaction, if this were some looney cartoon, smoke would be puffing out his ears. You weren't as calm as you were coming off as either. Why did you do that? You’d face a fate worse than a second death if anyone saw that. After letting your face cool down, you turned back and bumped Lucifer over with your hip, to take his spot directly behind Charlie. Placing your hands on her shoulders and kneeling down a bit you smile at her reflection. “What do we think, hun? Ponytail? Pigtails? Buns?”
“Braids!” You look at her with a questioning hum. “Pleease!” Braids it is. You start to section off her hair and quickly wrap one clean braid down her back. It only took you a few minutes to do it, leaving bystander Lucifer to sit in awe. He did that a lot. Whenever you’d do something with Charlie that came as second nature to you, he would watch intently. After you noticed his gaze, you began showing him how to do whatever task you had on hand. He needed those moments with her, you knew that. “Wanna give it a shot?” He jumps, as if you had just caught him doing something he shouldn't be doing. “A-Are you sure? It looks kind of complicated, I don't want to ruin her hair if - “ You interrupted his nervous rambling by calling out his title. “I’ll show you, just come watch.” He nodded, almost too quickly, and rushed to stand near you. Very near you. He stood close enough to let your shoulders touch whenever you would lift your arm a certain way. You unfurled the braid you had already done, making Lucifer let out a little sound of disappointment, that you’d ruined your hard work just for him. After attempting to explain it, he manages to struggle his way through a messy braid. He saw you holding in some kind of laugh and sent you daggers.  “No - no! It’s good! Especially for your first time, it’s holding up pretty well! Here - “ You pulled the braid back out, then restarted it, letting him pick it up at an easier place. You took his wrists every so often, to turn his hand in the proper direction before letting him go on.
The focus between the two of you suddenly became intense. He stuck out his tongue a bit, too engrossed in his styling to notice. You stood behind him, your hands pressed on his back, while you stood on your tip toes to observe what he was doing from over his shoulder. Pointing out little pieces of hair that were falling out, you would reach out your pointer finger to gesture towards it, only bringing you a bit closer together.
“Is.. Is that it?” He stepped back slowly, giving you the chance to back away with him. You swung around and examined the braid that he had probably spent too much time on, with an overly dramatic hum. Tapping your chin and squinting your eyes, you researched the braid as if it were some puzzle to solve. “It looks great, Lucifer.” Looking towards him, you were expecting an overly confident grin at the acknowledged accomplishment but instead, was met with a wide-eyed bundle of nerves.
“Sir! I-It looks good, Sir! Well - I’ll let you finish getting ready and take Charlie to -” Reaching out your hands to pick Charlie up, Lucifer stops you by grabbing your arm. “It’s okay! I mean, that’s.. That’s my name! Makes sense for you to call me that, considering its my name, so - “ He lets you go and starts fiddling with the clasps on his sleeves. “It’s okay.. for you to do that..” You smile to yourself, going back to tidying up Charlie’s get-up, doing little things like putting on her darling little shoes and tying a ribbon at the end of her hair.
Lucifer then stood in front of the mirror, brushing off his shirt and slipping on his jacket. It was a dazzling plum-colored suit coat, with golden clasps across his torso, and a golden shoulder plate, that allowed a sheer cape to drape down his left side. He was absolutely stunning. You did your best to avert your eyes, staring at him felt like staring at the sun. You only turned in his direction when he cleared his throat to get your attention. “Sorry.. dear, but uh… If you’re done with Charlie, I just - I’m struggling a little bit here..” You watched him attempt to adjust his lopsided tie, finally drooping his head with a sigh of defeat. “Wow, I thought you wore one of those every day, what’s the problem?” The teasing always helped lighten the mood, you placed your hand on your hip as you leaned your weight onto the vanity.  He glared at you again, letting out a huff before mumbling under his breath. “It’s a clip on..”
You let out a breath you had been holding in, partially from keeping in your laughter, but mostly from the nerves. With the combination of you wearing house slippers, and him wearing his particularly taller pair of boots, he managed to look down at you when you approached him. You should've made it a quick motion, you’ve tied bowties dozens of times, so it definitely wasn't a new task for you. But instead, you took your time. You carefully traced your hands up to his neck, tugging on both ends to pull it as far forward as it could go. You stopped to straighten the collar of his shirt, then delicately knotted the tie with ease. Your breath became heavier when you rested your hands on the finally tied bow, feeling his heart pounding against the side of your palm. After he caught you in your act, he stepped back, the image of his wife suddenly popping into his head. “Ahha.. Well, um - Thank you. I’ll take Charlie, it’s about that time anyway!”
"R-Right.." you suddenly felt guilty for your actions, worrying that you overstepped some lines. He didn't seem upset or uncomfortable, he was just silent. As he lifted Charlie from her chair, the vision of the two of them left you breathless. A beautiful pair, with porcelain skin contrasting against a palette of muted purples, and the biggest, brightest eyes. Charlie's braid hung loosely down her back, same golden strands accented in the light off the room. You almost wanted to be in the moment with them.
"Hey, so.. if you think you have time, you're welcome to go down to the ballroom for a drink or.. something... if you want." He really had to consider if that was a good idea. The thought was sitting on his mind while he enjoyed the view of your focused expression on his tie. He watched your eyes light up at the notion, his heart swelling with.. with something.  "Oh! I mean - The queen talks about it like it's this big important fancy thing, but.. if you think it'll be okay.. I'll - um - " She thought for a moment, looking around the room. "I don't exactly have anything to wear.. I'll join next time, if the invites still open?" You smiled, but it was strained. And he could tell. "No problem! I'll have her find something for you, then you can slip in whenever you want. No pressure!"
With a wave of his hand, a little imp girl came from a portal he had conjured up. Peeking inside, you saw a vast collection of gowns. The imp took your hand and dragged you in silently. You stumbled, then stammered something out, something that should've been a thank you, or a show of appreciation, but you were too stunned by the situation. He waved, then Charlie waved, then the two were out of the room.
The picture of them together ran through your mind. Not just them in matching outfits, but whenever he would press his forehead against hers, or he would show off his horns when Charlie was prodding at her own. Or when they really seemed like a family. Lillith was never in those pictures. Fuck, don't be jealous. You're getting paid far too much money to feel anything like that. Plus, you're being treated to an elegant evening gown without even asking. You don't get to be jealous.
Luckily, the imp rolled out a rack of dresses, it was stuffed to the brim, but was still a more manageable collection compared to the entire room. You sifted through them, and each one that twisted your face, she took off the hanger and set aside. After narrowing it down, you were stuck on two dresses; a sultry red dress, with an incredibly high slit and a stretched velvet material that hugged you in all the right places. Definitely a head turner. Even if this gala had a V.I.P list, maybe some handsome individual could help you distract yourself.
But the other option was a glistening lavender color, the neckline went across your shoulders, turning to gloves that tapered at your knuckles. A sheer corset held your curves in place, and it was paired with pearl accessories, to go with your sleek white heels. Both were gorgeous of course, but turning your hips and taking in how you looked in that lavender gown.. you could see yourself fitting quite nicely into your mental picture of Lucifer and Charlie. You would never admit that's why you picked it. You were prettied up, your hair pulled to one side with pearl clips scattered within the strands, and a little touch of makeup that you really didnt want, but was convinced without a word by the stylist. You looked like royalty. And that made you feel good in so many ways.
Lucifer said you could "sneak in", and you thought it best to take that literally. Waving and greeting all the workers in the kitchen that you knew, you finally slipped through the door where the caterers traveled from. You went straight for the bar, not because you needed a drink - well, I'm sure that's part of it - but because you had no idea what to do. What, were you supposed to walk straight up to Lucifer? Or Lillith? The idea of seeing Lillith suddenly made your stomach churn. You realized that you actually got there in time to see the introductions for most of the more esteemed guests. They went through the sins, who were larger than life, then a flared announcement for the Morningstar family was belted out.
Lucifer stood with a devilish grin, looking handsome as always. Lillith was still stunning, her gown trailing behind her.. but it was black. It wasn’t purple, or plum, or lilac, it was just black. It may not have looked like a contrast to everyone, but it upset you for some reason. Charlie stood between them, looking incredibly calmed considering the intensity of the moment. Lillith was holding her small hand, but the difference in height made her strain to keep their fingers intertwined. You cringed watching her stand on the tip of her toes to keep contact with her own mother.
Quietly, as to not interupt the announcements, you beckoned the bartender to bring you a drink. You sat and sipped, your back arched as you leaned your weight onto your elbows. What were you doing here? Was this all worth it? To have your little Cinderella transformation? 
"Hello, darling.. and who might you be?" A sultry voice came from behind, causing you to swivle in the chair to face where it came from. It wasn't Lucifer, which left you mildly disapointed, but you definitely weren't upset at the curvy woman standing in front of you, wearing a dress that left nothing to the imagination. The swishing demonic tail wasn't something you hated either. A real fox.
"Oh, a friend invited me, I didnt want to cramp his style, so here I am." As you spoke, the bartender brings a tall flute of champagne over to the gorgeous demon in front of you. She glides to sit in the seat next to you. "Hm - well, I'd hate to see you all alone tonight, mind if I keep you company, love?" She slid her fingers up your arm and you have no idea how you managed to keep your cool. "Not at all~" maybe it was the confidence of your new appearance, but you had no issue with spending the night with this stranger.
All of a sudden, Charlie was plopped into your seated lap, causing you to look up towards an intimidating Lucifer. Examining the sudden shift in mood, you were relieved to see Lillith talking to some demons on the other side of the room. "Glad you could make it! Charlie here - reeaally missed you, thought I should say hi." He smile was forced, you noticed a slight twitch in his eye. "Ah, I see you've met my nanny! Quite a beauty, wouldn't you agree?" Lucifer came incredibly close to you, leaning in and placing his hand on your back. The only issue was the low cut of the dress, allowing you to feel his warm hands on your skin. You hoped he didn't feel the shiver run up your spine.
Taking a hold of Charlie as she climbed up your lap to hug your neck, you let out a natural laugh, feeling like yourself for the first time tonight. Looking back to your conquest, who was definitely about to ask you to "get out of here", you see a face of absolute disgust. Oh, right. You're just a sinner to these higher ups. And a working class one at that. Nanny wasn't the most flattering occupation apparently. She made a terrible excuse to get out of the conversation and walked away a little faster than she should've.
"Sir! I have no problem watching Charlie tonight, but - I was about to -" your face flushed as you tried to explain how you were just trying to get laid tonight. “Get a drink, right? Make sure you stick to the non-alchoomic stuff, hun, sounds like Charlie gets to stay up late tonight!" With a hefty pat on your back, Lucifer stepped away to talk to another random demon. What the fuck? Lucifer had beckoned the bartender over again, and when you looked back to the counter, you see a sad looking soda water. With a sigh, you guzzle the drink just to wet your dried throat.
As much a you loved Charlie, there was no better chick repellant. And even for the brave souls who decided to approach you and still show interest, Lucifer would suddenly appear, keeping his hand just above your tailbone as he mentioned your hard work as his employee. Maybe it was the word nanny, or the intimidating presence of the king of Hell, but he had to be doing this on purpose. You kind of hoped he was doing this on purpose.. After one too many fleeting suitors, you worked your magic and calmed Charlie until she fell asleep in your arms. You hummed a little tune again, the method was something she became accustomed to after you started taking care of her.
"My my~ what a sweetheart." A broad shouldered demon approached you, his lower voice ringing throughout your chest. "Isn't she? She's exhuasted, I should really get her to bed." You never took your eyes off of Charlie, making it easy for him to slip a hand around your waist." Ah, you’re her caretaker, hm? Well.. what do you have going on after you get her to bed?" His hand trails down to your hips, starting to trace a circle with his thumb. You swung away, a look of disgust on your face." Probably going to bed. By myself." You hissed. You never had a problem handling those kind of advances, and you'd do anything to keep Charlie safe, so you kept your distance. "You don't have to do that, baby~ why don't you show me around the Morningstar manor?" He closed the distance, and as you go to step back, your back hits the bar. "N-No thanks, I'm.. not..." You would have gotten nervous in the moment, if you didnt see a blonde headed angel approaching with horns threatening to burst out.
"Stay away from her." A small puff of flames came from Lucifer's snarl as he reprimanded the thug. He scoffed and stepped away as if nothing had happened. Probably the smartest thing for him to do at this point. Lucifer's suddenly glowing red eyes returned to their normal hue once he turned his attention to you. You froze in place. It felt like you were in trouble too. "You're okay?" He spoke blankly, you couldn't tell what emotion he was trying to convey, let alone how he actually feels. You nodded, keeping a hand on the back of Charlie's head." Get her to bed." With a dramatic turn, his transparent cape flew behind him and he returned to Lillith's side. He placed his hand on the small of her back.
You wanted to cry. To scream and drink until you can't think of anything. Charlie was your main priority, though. You took her to her nursery as soon as you could. Carefully changing her into her pajamas, a cute little onesie with ducks printed all over, then placed the drowsy toddler into her bed. "Oh Charlie.. You are so lucky to be so loved." You spoke geniunely, no matter your feelings, the amount of love Charlie is given and how much she gives in return was always so unbelievable to you. She was made of pure joy. Brushing some hair away from her face, you stepped back, taking your time on returning to your room.
"That is so sweet." You shot your head up, unpleasantly surprised by Lucifer's sorry face. "She's in bed, what do you need from me?" You spoke softly, as to not wake her. "You look beautiful. I just.. didn't get a chance to say that earlier, is all." Your face twisted in digust. "You know, you weren't the only one who thought that tonight. That was the first time I've been hit on in months. Couldn't you let me just enjoy the night..?" You were becoming increasingly frustrated, and it was translating clearly through your words. He flinched at your aggression, suddenly becoming defensive.
"That filfthy demon was feeling you up..! What else did you want me to do?" He started to match your energy, quietly responding in an aggitated state." Not him, the rest! I was about to leave with that lady at the bar, and I'm sure others would've enjoyed my company if I wasn't getting handed a toddler every second." You'd regret that one later, referring to Charlie as just a toddler. "That's your job, dear. Remember why you're here." He puffed out his chest, becoming increasingly close to your figure. You shrunk away, your eyes widened at his words.
"Oh- Oh, no, I didn't mean to - wait, I wasn't - " He stammered, his intimidating stature immediatly dropping as he say your eyes start to glaze over with tears, which only flowed down your cheeks after batting your made-up lashes. "Nonono! Please don't cry I - um.. " his eyes darted around the room, before reaching his arms out and reeling you in to a tightening embrace. Your chin sat on his shoulder, the shock momentarily keeping the water works at bay.
"I got nervous, okay..? I didn't want anything.. bad... to happen. I didn't want to lose you in there." Those words shouldn't tug at your heart strings at much as they did, but that and the low rumble of his voice just slightly hitting your ear made it impossible.
"I-I can handle myself.." You sniffled, your breath becoming heavier as you felt his hands start to explore your back. He rested one hand on the small of your back, sending a familiar warmth to your chest. But then, his fingers traced upwards, holding onto your shoulders for a moment, before lightly clawing down your bare back. He traced over a certain spot that tickled you the wrong  way, causing you to force out a little yelp. You both stopped for a moment, the only thing you could hear was the uneven pants coming from your mouths. He pulled away for a moment, keeping his hands on your shoulders. Then eyeing you up and down, he ran his grasp across the length of your arms. "I known you can.. you're wonderful." He somehow spoke as if he was completely unaffected by the intimacy he was just showing you. Your breath only picked up more, instantly regretting what you were about to do.
With a small leap, you pulled him in by his collar and messily met his lips. It couldn't be a quick peck, that's too confusing. You wanted this to last forever. He kept his lips sealed shut at first, but that didn't last long. With a shakey breath against your lips, he pulled you in by your waist suddenly, bringing you as close to him as he could. The motion took the air out of your lungs, forcing you release a vocal sigh. He only held you tighter after that. Your arms trailed up and around his shoulders, combing through the hairs at the nape of his neck. He broke for a moment, his kisses traveling down your lips to your jawline, then down to your neck.
Flicking your hair back, he latched an incredibly wet kiss on the softness of your neck. Lucifer took the invitation of your strapless dress to fully cover you in kisses, occasionally running his tongue up the length of your neck. A panting mess, you pulled him back up by his chin, finally getting a good look at his face. He was falling apart at the seems. He looked desperate to get back to working on your neck, like he hadnt been intimate with anyone in years. You needed his lips against yours again. Holding his jaw, you pressed a kiss on his lips, then squeezed your thumb amd index finger to open his lower jaw and push your tongue into his mouth. He let out a nervous moan, before quickly catching up to you.
This wasn’t right. This part wasn't in your mental picture of a perfect family. And you knew why. Your thoughts were silenced, feeling his mouth trail back down to your collarbone. He thumbed at the top of your long glove, beginning to pull it down. God, never let this moment end.
But you forgot. You're in Hell.
With a frantic patting on his shoulder, you quickly attempted to get his attention. When Lucifer met your eyes again, they had gone wide, and he finally noticed you shaking. "Hey, hey! What is it? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"
"Yes." He froze. He slowly turned his head to the door. Lillith.
"Darling, please, I'm sorry, you know you're the only one for me - it was a long night, mistakes were made, let's just move on, hm..?" He was begging for this moment to be over, as Lillith moved past him and approached you. You had to crane your neck to look at her, your entire body trembling. You had mascara running down your eyes, and your lipstick had smeared in all directions. Lillith lifted your head up even further, wiping some smudged lipstick from the corner of your mouth. "Lily..?" Lucifer let out softly. She let out a soft sigh. She didn't seem to be angry, which seemed to make you more nervous than if she was. "D-Don’t.. don't hurt her..." It's like he was scared to stick up for you. That, and the fact that he just called this past interaction a mistake, weighed heavily on your heart. "You think that little of me, my love? I would never. It was a mistake, after all, just as you said." She spoke so calmly but knew exactly what to say to make you cower in fear. You let out a pathetic whimper, "P-Please... I'm s-sorry, Your Highness..." She smiled and tightened her grip on your jaw for a moment before letting you go. You didn't realize she was actually lifting you up slightly until you were dropped down. “So.. we can talk and figure this out, right? Lily?" She kept her eyes off of the anxious mess that Lucifer was becoming." Of course, love. We'll talk in the morning. Oh, and obviously - " She turned towards you just before leaving the room. 
"You're fired.”
HA
Anyway, there is absolutely a part 2 for this don't worry and I'll get to it.. eventually.
!Taglist!
( @vififofum @thornwolfy235 @tinywolfiegirl @chipper-chip @bat-boness @misfitgirlwrites @nayomi247 @lonelynmisunderstood )
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catmiemy · 1 month
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New Life, Old Problems (Leah Williamson x Reader)
Summary: You're trying to fully settle into your new life in London with your girlfriend. But when you get sick your past stops you from reaching out.
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A/N: Finally managed to put something on paper again! By now I have about 6 stories (some multiple chapters) fully planned out in my head, but I struggle so much with actually writing any of it. Although it's getting a bit better, so I might become more active again.
This is the third part of the New Teammate series (Part 1, Part 2 Arsenal version). Although I think you should be fine to read this without reading the other parts first. Also this was definitely helped along by @holly-wallis, who reached out to tell me she was excited for the next part. So thank you again!
You thought you were doing well. You thought you had settled perfectly into your new life in London. You thought your relationship with Leah was going great. And all this was true, but only to a certain degree. Underneath the surface there were still many gaping wounds and you had a long way to go, which would take even longer because you refused to accept it, pretending like you were already at your destination.
How hard it really was for you to fully trust anyone, even Leah, to be vulnerable around her, became glaringly obvious when you got sick. As much as you wanted comfort, someone to take care of you, you couldn’t allow it. The thought of trusting anyone so much when you were in a vulnerable state left you panicked.
However there was no hiding your sickness. Leah and you had plans that day and if you came up with some random excuse your girlfriend might end up checking on you since it was unlike you to cancel without a good reason. And sadly you couldn’t think of a single good reason why you were unable to meet up with Leah. How were you supposed to do that when you could barely muster up the energy to go to the bathroom when needed?
In the end you decided that the truth was your best course of action. The defender had been exceptionally understanding about your situation and the multitude of struggles you still faced because of your past trauma. Honestly more understanding and patient than you were with yourself.
Despite being reasonably confident for a positive reaction you still were too much of a coward to call your girlfriend, opting to text her instead. ‘This was better for your sore throat anyway’, you reasoned with yourself.
R: Le, I’m sorry I have to cancel today. I got sick.
L: Oh no! Are you okay? No wait, scratch that. How bad are you feeling? Is there anything I can do? Bring you something? Or do you want me to come over to keep you company? I’d be happy to!
You looked at the sweet and caring words, Leah’s concern noticeable even from these few letters on your phone. The urge to text back and ask the Englishwoman to come over was huge. She would take good care of you; make you feel safe and loved. But you couldn’t allow it because what if…
You couldn’t even begin to describe what was hiding behind this what if. Maybe it was actually that, the big unknown, the completely unexpected. Never in your life would you have pictured what had gone done with Jimena and the whole team in Barcelona before it had actually happened. It had left you afraid to fully let your guard down because who knew when something unpredictable would happen again. And right now you were definitely too tired to keep up any guards, so your only option was to keep everyone far away from you.
R: That’s very sweet, but I can’t…I’m sorry.
With a rapidly beating heart you watched your phone, practically hypnotizing it, scared of your girlfriend’s reply. What if this was the final straw?  As much as this possibility scared you, it was still more bearable than the alternative. At least it was an option you had already considered. You wouldn’t be blindsided by it. Plus if there was one thing you had gotten good at in the course of your life it was dealing with pain and people leaving you.
L: I understand, babe. But if you need anything please text or call me. And I’ll be right there! Take care of yourself! Sending you some remote cuddles. Love you!
Your whole body relaxed as you read this response, even some tears of relief rolling down your cheeks.
R: Thanks, darling, I will. And thank you so much for being so understanding!! Love you too!
And with that you put your phone away, buried yourself under the covers and fell asleep relatively quickly. The cold medicine you had taken before texting Leah doing its part in helping you drowse off without too much of uncomfortable shuffling. Your last thought was that hopefully you’d already feel better when you woke up again.
Unfortunately the opposite was the case. You were startled awake by a violent coughing fit that just wouldn’t stop. You thought that you could ride it out, but when it got to the point where you felt like you had to throw up from coughing so much, you forced your tired body out of bed and into the bathroom.
First you collapsed in front of the toilet, bending over the bowl, but once it became clear that you didn’t actually have to throw up, you dragged yourself into the kitchen and filled a glass with water.
As long as you were drinking you were fine, but as soon as you put the glass down the scratchiness in your throat returned with full force, swiftly followed by another cough attack.
You resigned yourself to keep standing there, leaning heavily against the counter, too tired to support your body weight with only your legs, and drink glass after glass, until finally you could put the water down without instantly dissolving into a coughing fit.
At that point you were trembling because of the cold, your teeth chattering and every single bone of your body seemed to be hurting. Still you didn’t immediately crawl back into bed, instead you gathered all of the supplies you might need to ride out this cold. You filled a bottle with water, grabbed some crackers and medicine and then you decided to also get a bowl to be on the safe side should you actually have to throw up at some point.
When you finally returned to bed, your breathing was labored and you all but fell into it. You quickly buried yourself under the blankets. It did little to warm you up though and you debated for a moment to get back up and get more blankets. The idea of moving again seemed entirely impossible however.
This time it took you a lot longer to fall asleep, silent tears streaming down your face because you felt so miserable. You yearned for some comfort, for Leah’s arms around you really, and you knew she would come in a heartbeat if you asked her. Still, you couldn’t. You just couldn’t!
The next time you woke up you felt even worse and it was at this point that you realized that you needed help. Somewhere in the hazy fog of fever and misery you managed to form this one rational thought. However you had little recollection of what happened next.
You remembered staring at Leah’s contact on your phone for a while, although you couldn’t say if you did so for a few seconds or minutes or even hours. In the end you decided against calling her, instead opting to get an Uber. How you managed to get to the hospital was beyond you. You had some vague memories of a very concerned and helpful Uber driver who even walked you into the ER.
Another thing you recalled was sending Leah a message once you sat in the waiting room, slumped against the wall and shivering violently.
R: Fine. At hospital. But fine. Don’t worry!!!!
You even remembered feeling very proud of this text; convinced that it would soothe all of your girlfriend’s concerns. If you would have been coherent enough to read Leah’s answer you would have known that it had the opposite effect. You did feel the constant buzzing of your phone from when the Englishwoman tried calling you over and over again, but it felt kind of nice against you aching body, so you didn’t do anything about it.
---
“She’s not answering her phone and she hasn’t texted me back, Lia! What do I do!?!”
Your girlfriend was crying as she basically screamed these words at her best friend. When she had gotten your text and couldn’t get a hold of you, she had called the Swiss woman for support and because the midfielder was known for being helpful in difficult situations.
“Okay Leah, first take a deep breath…” Lia began with a soothing tone.
“Are you kidding me?! How do you expect me to breath when I don’t know where my girlfriend, my very sick girlfriend might I add, is!” Leah yelled, feeling the need to punch something like some sort of cliché from a movie. Or even better, the blonde would have loved to have a ball at her feet right now, that she could pund with all of her strength into the back of the net. And then maybe get into a slightly too aggressive scuffle with an opponent. Just something to get rid of this nervous energy.
“You know where she is though, she’s in the hospital, so they’ll be taking care of her,” Lia reasoned, continuing quickly before your girlfriend could blow up at her again, “And fine let’s skip the breathing. Here’s what I think we should do; you pack some things your girl might need and I’m going to call the hospitals closest to her. It shouldn’t be too hard to figure out where she is. Then I’ll come pick you up and drive you over because you definitely shouldn’t be driving.”
Despite her earlier refusal Leah let out a deep breath, relief smoothing out the edges of her panic, at least now they had a reasonable plan. This was exactly why she had called her best friend and once the Englishwoman was less preoccupied with her fear for you she would be thanking Lia profusely.
A little later the two footballers arrived at the hospital, Lia once again taking the lead and asking about you. There was a bit of a back and forth where the staff had to figure out if they could even give them any information about you.
It was a big test for your girlfriend’s brittle composure, every second that ticked by brought her one step closer to bursting into tears or unleashing her fury on everyone that got into a five meter radius of her.
Leah managed to keep it together however, not using the healthiest coping mechanisms. The Englishwoman kept pinching herself to let at least some of the overwhelming emotions trickle out of her.
Lia frowned when she noticed, but decided to keep her mouth shut. She didn’t want to risk a full-blown outburst which might then keep them, or at least Leah, from seeing you even longer.
Finally they managed to find the right information and saw that Leah was in fact your emergency contact, something that the blonde had been telling them all along. If only they would have believed her then this wouldn’t have taken so long!
Thankfully things went quickly after that. Leah was led to your room while Lia wasn’t allowed to tag along. The Swiss woman promised that she would stay in the waiting room until your girlfriend had updated her, in case either Leah or you needed something.
Leah entered your room quietly, not wanting to disturb you even though with all the meds you had been given it was unlikely you would wake up anytime soon. Still she didn’t want to take the risk. So the defender tiptoed into your room, coming to a sudden halt once she had a good view of you.
It filled your girlfriend with fear and pain to see you so sick. You were pale, even more so than usual, almost the same color as the bed sheets. There was a tube connected to your arm, most likely to replenish you with everything you needed. You were also hooked up to a monitor, and it was a small relief to Leah that everything on it looked and sounded normal. As far as she could tell at least. Most of her medical knowledge stemmed from watching doctor shows, so that probably wasn’t the most reliable source.
After getting used to this sick, fragile version of you the blonde approached you, standing by your bedside. She looked down at you with teary eyes, gently stroking your cheek before smoothing out your tussled hair.
Your girlfriend craved more contact. She wanted to snuggle up next to you, wrap her arms around you and basically attach every centimeter of her body to yours. But Leah didn’t know how you would feel about that. Not when you weren’t awake to enforce your boundaries, not when you were in a vulnerable state which usually made you push people far away from you.
So with a sigh she pulled up a chair and sat down next to your bed, not even allowing herself to hold your hand. The England captain didn’t want to risk making you uncomfortable even the tinie when you woke up.
It was about 30 minutes later that Leah suddenly remembered that Lia was still waiting for her. She rushed down to the waiting room, not wanting to leave you alone for a second longer than totally necessary.
“She’s okay, I think. Or not too bad at least. So you can go home,” Leah explained, sounding very unsure. Everyone had told her that you would be okay, all the signs pointed to it, but she would only be able to believe it once you woke up and she could see for herself. And maybe not even then.
“That’s good! I guess you want to go back now, but call me if you think of anything you need, yeah?” Lia replied, giving her friend a tight hug.
Leah nodded, before turning around and walking as fast as she could back to your room. She would have run, but had the distinct feeling that that wouldn’t be appreciated by the hospital staff. And the Englishwoman didn’t want to annoy anyone, not when she was aware that they were already breaking the rules for her by letting her stay with you way past visiting hours.
---
When you woke up you noticed with a pang of sadness that there was no warm body next to you. It wasn’t like you and Leah stayed over at each other’s place every day, but definitely more often than not. And lately every time you woke up alone you felt some dismay. Everything was just better when you got to start the day with your girlfriend.
The second thing you became aware of was that despite just waking up you still felt exhausted, drained was the better word really, and also somewhat hazy and achy. It was then that you remembered that you were sick and that you had this weird fever dream where you took an Uber to the hospital. If you would have had the energy for it you would have laughed at the absurdity of this.
However as you opened your eyes you realized with a silent ‘Oh’ that it hadn’t been a fever dream after all, you really were in the hospital. Panic bubbled up in you, but got quickly cut off before it could become overwhelming by your favorite voice speaking up, even if you didn’t like how worried it sounded.
“Babe, are you awake? How are you feeling?”
You turned around, your lips turning into a smile when you laid your eyes on your girlfriend. She had gotten up from the chair she had presumably been sitting in, staring down at you intently. The Englishwoman’s eyes were trailing over your entire body, however not in the way they usually did, this felt more clinical, like she was attempting to spot anything that might be wrong.
“Could be worse,” you replied.
Leah gave you an unimpressed look. “But it also could be better?” She double-checked and you nodded sheepishly.
“Is there anything I can do before I get the doctor?” Your girlfriend asked softly.
For some reason Leah was still standing a good fifty centimeters away from your bed, her arms hidden behind her back as if she had to stop herself from reaching out to you. If only she would! You longed for some comforting touches and maybe a good, reassuring hug from the blonde.
“Get me home?” You joked with a pleading look. You definitely wanted to get out of the hospital but you knew that it wasn’t up to your girlfriend, and she would never do anything to endanger you.
“No can do, sorry babe. Anything else?” Leah prodded, hoping you would ask her for a hug. She could barely contain herself from launching at you, but the fear of crossing your boundaries in such a difficult situation kept her back.
“Maybe a cuddle,” you mumbled so quietly and rapidly that Leah couldn’t decipher what you were saying.
“What was that, babe? Sorry I didn’t quite hear you,” Leah apologized, taking a step closer to you.
You locked your eyes with your girlfriend’s, letting all the love and concern shining in them wash over you and give you the strength to utter your request more loudly. There wasn’t even a reason to feel weird about it, you knew that Leah wouldn’t deny it, would most likely be happy to oblige.
“A cuddle?”
Within milliseconds your girlfriend closed the distance between the two of you, sat down on the edge of your bed and leaned down to gather you carefully in her arms. You both felt and heard the relieved sigh Leah let out when you were tucked into her arms.
It made you wonder why the blonde had kept her distance before, a certain guess at the forefront of your mind. And in the safety of your girlfriend’s arms you managed to ask about it without much over thinking or fuss.
“Why did you sit all the way over there?”
All the way over there was a bit of an exaggeration, but also not really. Any sort of distance between your sick self and your girlfriend felt like way too much.
Leah tried to lean back a bit to look you in the eyes, but you held her firmly in place. You weren’t ready to lose the comfort of her body on yours, even if she put now weight on you, not sure if it would negatively impact you in your current state.
“I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable with me being too close when you woke up. I know allowing closeness when you aren’t feeling too good is still very difficult for you,” Leah explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Even though your girlfriend showed you over and over again, day in and day out how amazing she was, the level of understanding and love behind this gesture still knocked you off your feet, or it would have if you were standing. It almost made you believe fully that you would always be safe with her. Almost. There was still a tiny bit of fear and insecurity left. It would probably take a good while longer until you got rid of that last remnant and you were once again very grateful for Leah’s patience.
“Thank you so so much, love,” you whispered, pulling the blonde even closer to you.
“Always,” Leah stated, not an ounce of doubt in her voice. She would always do whatever she could for you, to make you feel comfortable, loved and safe.
Your girlfriend allowed you to cuddle a bit longer until she gently extracted herself to get a doctor. At first you were somewhat annoyed at this, you would have preferred to stay wrapped up together for the rest of the night. However when the doctor announced after a quick exam that you would be allowed to go home later that day, you didn’t mind so much anymore. The thought of going home made up for losing contact with your girlfriend temporarily.
Especially because she instantly stated that she would be staying with you when the doctor pointed out that you could only go home if there was someone around to supervise you. The way her voice sounded slightly offended that this wasn’t abundantly clear to everyone made you smile fondly.
That’s how you found yourself sitting in Leah’s car that Lia had brought to the hospital early in the morning with help from Viv and Beth a few hours later. The short walk to the parking lot had tired you out and you couldn’t wait to get to Leah’s apartment and crawl into her cozy bed.
You were half asleep when your girlfriend asked you, “Home?” Still you managed to nod and echo her words. “Home,” you confirmed.
In your drowsy and still a bit feverish state you hadn’t realized that Leah was actually asking where you wanted to go, your apartment or hers. In your mind it was already decided that you would be going to the Englishwoman’s place. You loved her apartment more than yours at this point, everything about it homey and safe.
So when the blonde announced that you had arrived and you opened your eyes from the half-sleep you had been in a wave of unhappiness hit you as you took in your surroundings. You were parked in front of your own apartment building.
Tears flooded your eyes, which you tried to blink away hastily before Leah could spot them. It was stupid to be upset because of this, it wasn’t like your apartment was bad or anything, you were just really craving the comfort of your girlfriend’s place. Where everything smelt and felt like Leah.
Of course the defender detected your distress instantly. She had been watching you like a hawk ever since she had gotten to the hospital last night.
“What’s wrong, babe? Does something hurt? Should we go back to the hospital?” She asked you in rapid succession, trying unsuccessfully to keep her voice calm and steady.
You shook your head, mumbling that it was nothing. To emphasize this point you reached for your seatbelt, determined to get out of the car and into your apartment without any more of a hassle. Everything was fine. It didn’t matter that you had wanted to go to Leah’s home. Everywhere was better than the hospital anyway.
Leah didn’t give up so easily though. She put her hand on yours lightly, not taking a hold of it however, leaving you the option to pull it back if you wanted to. You didn’t, just this small contact made you feel better instantly.
“Please tell me what’s bothering you,” your girlfriend begged, her eyes looking suspiciously wet.
“It’s stupid,” you waved Leah off.
“Please,” Leah asked again, demolishing the last of your resolve to keep this to yourself.
“I really wanted to go to your place,” you explained, rushing to add, “But it doesn’t matter. Let’s just go inside now.”
Again you tried to make an attempt to leave the car, and again Leah stopped you with a gentle touch.
“We can still go over to my place if you prefer,” she offered, already turning her car back on.
“No, that’s not necessary. I’m just being silly,” you argued, but Leah just reached over to buckle you back in and pulled out of the parking space.
You didn’t have it in you to continue arguing. Plus you were too happy at the prospect of getting to go to your girlfriend’s place after all. So you just leant your head against the car window, letting your eyes flutter shut again.
“I thought you said you wanted to go home,” Leah said before you could fully fall asleep.
“I did, but I meant your place,” you answered tiredly.
“Oh,” your girlfriend exclaimed, her voice heavy with emotion. The idea of you thinking of her apartment as your home meant a lot to Leah. Every once in a while she couldn’t help but worry if she was doing enough to help you move on, to be the best girlfriend possible, to make you feel loved and safe. So this undeniable confirmation that she had been succeeding in all of these aspects meant the world to your girlfriend.
When there was no more reaction from you after this, Leah glanced over, smiling when she saw you sleeping soundly. You looked so young and open and vulnerable when you slept. Leah cherished the fact that you were comfortable being like this around her, that wouldn’t have been possible a few months ago.
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ceesimz · 2 months
Text
The Mountain Is You
Part 2 of 'Our Sun Is Setting'
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Can confirm this part is much lighter than the first! I enjoyed writing this, I hope you like it :)
Barcelona. Once a place that felt like home to you, yet now as you clamber into the back of your taxi outside of the airport, it's the same but different.
Same sun, different warmth. Same air, different atmosphere. Same airport, different kind of departure.
Same person tying you down to this city, different dynamic.
If you thought a lot could change in two days, you had no idea what could happen in eighteen months. Turns out, a lot could change too, but thankfully for the sake of your sanity, the mental blows were not so big and not so frequent this time around. You doubt you would be in this situation now, back in the city you love, if it wasn't for your grandparents. They welcomed you with open arms and endless amounts of baked goods as soon as they caught wind of you coming home.
For the first month you stayed with them, most of that time was spent in the spare bedroom they made up for you, not quite holding the confidence or will power to do much else other than feel sorry for yourself. Some days you would walk their dog with them, other days you wouldn't leave the room. Some days you would do as many chores possible for them as a thank you, other days your Grandmother would sit beside you up against the headboard whilst you lay beside her as she read her book out loud, one hand gently running through your hair as she went. Some days you'd all laugh about shared memories of your Mother, other days you'd cry into each other's arms.
Something clicked inside you along the way though. One day you just woke up with a certain determination, and the look on your Grandfather's face as you wandered into the kitchen at 7am was enough to force a few giggles out of you before ushering him to join you on an early morning walk. That was when you voiced your new thoughts to him.
"I think I'm going to start applying for jobs again soon. You know, get out of your hair a little bit." You said to him, smiling when he tutted and wrapped an arm around your shoulders.
"Don't be ridiculous. We're happier than we have been in a while now that you're with us, sunshine." He replied honestly, hugging you into his side.
"I know. I'm happy too, but I do want a job. What job, I'm not sure yet, but I'm going to start looking."
"You don't have to pressure yourself though, okay? If you change your mind at any point, that's perfectly fine. Just do it at your own pace. If you would like, you could print off your CV for me and Granny to hand in to places."
"That's fine, Grandad, you don't have to." You laughed lightly at his suggestion, bringing your hand up to cover his that rested on your shoulder. "Everything is online nowadays."
"Of course. That rules me and Gran out the question then, in terms of advice." He grumbled jokingly, though his classic, cheeky smile rests on his face. "Absolutely no help for you there, sweetheart."
"I didn't think there would be any anyway. I've seen Grandma use the microwave." The pair of you laugh at that, before it falls silent as you walk along the cliff-top coastline. The tone of the conversation shifts a bit when you speak again. "I think I'm also going to start seeing a therapist. You know, for everything that's happened."
"Okay, love. Whatever is best for you." And that's all the reassurance you needed.
The job hunt would forever be an aspect of life you despised. But, two months later, you had secured a job within the local area that you chose to walk to most days, a piece of advice from your new therapist that at first you hated but soon it was your favourite part of your daily routine. Apart from when it rained, obviously.
Things were going well though, surprisingly well, and it set in one evening as you sat in the back garden, watching your grandparents gardening, that the choice you made a few months prior was the right one.
You had managed to keep a certain Spaniard out of your mind for most of the time after that first month of being away from her, until one night you got a notification on your phone.
Spain win the FIFA World Cup after a 1-0 victory against England!
What was the right move now? Text her to congratulate her? Or is no contact best for the time being? Would texting her give her false hope? This was arguably the biggest achievement of her career, her whole life, but as a figure of the past, was it right to dredge everything back up again at such a joyful time?
Your hands faltered over your still cracked phone screen, unsure what to do in such an unusual situation. There was no handbook on what to do if your ex-girlfriend, who you're still in love with and who (hopefully) still loves you too, wins the biggest trophy of her career, nor could a google search be any assistance. And unfortunately, as perfect as they are, your grandparents that had been married for over fifty years now may not be any help either.
So, the only decision you could land on, no matter how much you didn't like it, was to leave it.
Until your finger slipped and liked her celebratory Instagram post later that night. You still followed each other on social media, too reluctant to get rid of that remaining bridge, but your Instagram had lain dormant ever since you had left. That meant you had some insight into Alexia's life post-breakup, guiltily indulging in a late night scroll every now and then which you found yourself in now, whilst she had no idea what you were up to or even if you were alive.
Well, at least she knew you were still here and you still cared for her. Could that be shown in one single social media interaction? You hoped so. Maybe that was a tad bit dramatic though. What else were you supposed to do?
You had the same reaction a year later as you watched Alexia captain her team to an unfortunate loss in the Olympics final. However, it was still a silver Olympic medal, and not many athletes could say they have one of those. A congratulatory text from you may have seemed like the start of a pity party though, so once again you opted out of it. Time and place and all that.
A year on and you were in a much better place, there were no two ways about it. Therapy was difficult, of course it was, but people were right when they say it's one of the best things to do for yourself. You don't think you'd ever been better. Subsequently, that led to an inevitable topic to come into discussion during one session.
"What do you think the... repercussions would be if I... went back to Barcelona?" You asked nervously, looking down at your hands as they fidgeted in your lap.
"It depends what you went to get out of it. Would you go for the city itself? Or for her?"
For some reason, in your sessions, your therapist hardly ever named Alexia. It was always 'her' or 'she', never her name. You figured it was so that you never shied away from the subject which was probably close to being the hardest to talk about, but you were too afraid to ask.
"Both." You answered initially. Your therapist stayed quiet of course, waiting for you to answer truthfully, something she again always did. "Her. Mostly."
"Do you think you're in the headspace for it? You've made so much progress since we first started, so you need to think if it'll aid the healing process or cause a regression."
"Well, she wasn't the problem in the first place. Everything she did for me was perfect, it was the relationship as a whole rather than her specifically. She was... she was perfect." You smiled sadly as you reminisced on your time with her. She really was perfect. "But I was the problem, I think. I was the one suppressing so much stuff and... when I was on my own compared to when I was with her, I was two completely different people. It was like light and day. She had a great effect on me, but I guess it's just figuring out if that was healthy or not. That difference in characters, in mindset."
"See? You've learnt so much from this already. Maybe you should just sit in front of a mirror and talk to yourself, you'd save a lot of money." Your therapist jokes, the pair of you laughing lightly. "So, let's get talking then. Let's figure this out."
And you did. You spent the rest of the session discussing whether it would be suitable for you to go back to Barcelona. The conclusion you came to was a very favourable one, one that made you nervously excited. But what would Alexia be like? Had she moved on? Would she still value you the same? Or would you be old news now? Only time could tell.
The only thing you knew was that it is so much darker after a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone, and that was the case with Alexia. Perhaps your life wouldn't have been so flipped upside down if you hadn't had met her; such a sweet and loving soul, the purest and brighest light shining onto every dark crevice you'd ever hidden. You'd had a taste of her, and you'd be damned if you didn't at least try for her again. Alexia Putellas wasn't one to lose, and you'd been fortunate to have her in the first place. If it was a one time thing, maybe you'd have to come to terms with that being the case. But for now, getting to Barcelona was just the first step.
Your grandparents definitely approved of you going back, no matter how long for, whether it be one day or one month or perhaps forever. At some point in the past year you had opened up to them about Alexia and they were heartbroken for you. Of course they would be. Your hearts were one and the same. They were the biggest advocates in getting you to go back and see Alexia, and even if Alexia didn't want to see you, you were still going to go to Barcelona. You had friends there, you'd lived a whole life there for just over a year, you'd fallen in love with it before you'd even met Alexia, so regardless of her opinion (even if it did sting like hell) you're still going.
When you booked your flight there, with no return ticket just yet, your grandparents had cheered and dragged you up from the armchair to dance with them along to the music from their old radio. It was a core memory, absolutely, and you'd be lying if you said a part of you wasn't hoping to share this memory one day with Alexia.
However, the day came where you had to do the thing you'd been most afraid of. Contacting Alexia. It was an occasion that definitely called for an emergency video call with your therapist who was very pleased to meet your grandparents for the first time, albeit over Zoom, and the three of them offered any and all advice you'd take until you had carefully curated a text message to send to her.
You:
Hey Alexia, I hope you're doing well. Feel free to ignore this, but I'm coming back to Barcelona soon and I was wondering if you wanted to catch up? If you don't want to, I completely understand. It's been a while and we've both lived our lives without each other in it, so no pressure at all. Let me know if you're open to it. Take care x
Almost immediately, the message was read by her. And just as quickly, the typing icon came up. Safe to say, your grandparents were freaking out just as much as you were.
Alexia:
Wow, it is so good to hear from you. I'm doing well and I really hope things are much better for you. I've been dreaming of hearing from you since the moment you left. I absolutely want to see you again, I don't care how long it's been, so let me know when you're coming and I'll see you as soon as I can. Espero verte pronto, cuídate x
Any longer and your jaw would have been lodged into its place hanging wide open. She wanted to see you just as much as you wanted to see her. The feeling of relief that washed over you upon reading it was gone as quick as it arrived; instead, you were now filled with nerves. No, not nerves, butterflies.
And that's where you found yourself now, your taxi driver navigating the streets of Barcelona towards your hotel in mid-October. It was reaching the evening, so your plan was to start off the trip calmly with a walk around the city to re-familiarise yourself before sunset, then just order some room service for dinner. Simple, but the right way to start what would probably be a bit of a challenging trip mentally.
Despite the low-key nature of the day, you could hardly sleep later that night. There was only one reason, it was obvious. You and Alexia had plans to meet for lunch the next day after her training session. You can't recall an event in your life you had ever felt so excited for, you felt like a kid on Christmas Eve again. A few doubts trickled into your mind every now and then, but you'd grafted for too long now for petty worries to tear down the confidence you had built.
Of course you were eager to see the woman you loved again for the first time in eighteen months, but there was a bigger part of you that was desperate for her to see the progress you'd made. You were proud, and it had taken a lot to get to this point. You wanted to share your pride with her and show her the person you always knew you could be all along. All of your efforts, your hard-work, and your sacrifices had been worth it. You were right to feel proud. And after all, sacrifices were given that name for a reason.
When you did eventually fall asleep, it was with images of Alexia circling in your mind, hoping she still had a place in her heart for you and that she'd love you again for who you are now and not who you were.
Finally, finally, the time came to see Alexia again. You weren't really sure what to expect; it was a unique situation with exceptional circumstances, and you were trying desperately not to put too much pressure on the day. Yet, you were a despairingly hopeful person and the anticipation was almost overwhelming as you were getting ready.
Contact between you both had been little but often, topics never delving too deep which you were so glad about as you wanted to talk to her properly face to face. You had to, it's the least she deserved. Over text, anything could be easily misinterpreted and you weren't about to ruin your chance with words getting lost in translation. Phone calls and FaceTimes were out of the question too, and you were grateful that your individual desperation wasn't getting in the way of going about this the correctly. By no means were you a perfectionist, but there were some things in life that were far too important to be ruined by a lack of patience and all-consuming desire.
Once again, your new and probably your healthiest habit came into play as you decided to walk under the bright October weather to the place Alexia had chosen for the occasion. Neutral ground of course; meeting at her apartment or your hotel room wasn't appropriate... yet.
You arrived at the quaint, little restaurant first, a coincidence you were more thankful for than you'd admit, and you chose to seat yourself at a table off to the side. A bit of privacy from strangers could go a long way for a day like today, you figured. You didn't really want a bunch of strangers to witness the influx of emotions you'd no doubt go through when Alexia arrived.
Soon though, that became a case of if Alexia would arrive, because ten minutes passed since you had arrived practically on time and there was still no sign of the woman. And, rather naïvely, you hadn't planned for her to stand you up. You and your therapist had almost fully mentally prepared you for every other outcome except that one. She did have training beforehand, perhaps that had ran late. Still, your mind was slowly spiralling into overdrive with each second that passed.
Until she did arrive.
The bell over the door rang faintly through the room as it opened hastily, a frantic looking Alexia entering the restaurant. She was really here. Here, basically racing over to you whilst weaving through the tables and chairs and the light scattering of people. Here, still as breathtakingly beautiful as ever. Still Alexia.
She came to a stop in front of you, both of you stuck in a trance as if the world had stopped spinning solely for this moment right here. An anticipatory and contemplative silence settled as your eyes' tracked over every feature of the other, a refresh for the memory of the face you'd so dearly missed.
Alexia was the first to speak - a breathless whisper of your name as if she was in disbelief that you were right in front of her. It triggered something in you, because before you had even realised, you had jumped up from your chair and wrapped your arms tightly around her; a hug you had been dying for for longer than you'd admit. It took a few seconds for her to react but soon, Alexia enveloped you just as emphatically.
The embrace was paired with a few more whispered chants of your name from Alexia - in this moment, for her, it felt like the past months without you she had just been floating through her life, waking up everyday as if it were a chore more than anything. But now, in your arms, she felt alive again. The time without you had been worth it for this single moment here.
"Hey." You mumbled quietly into her neck, smiling uncontrollably when the taller woman squeezed you impossibly more in response.
"Hi." Her voice cracked ever so slightly as she spoke. "Hi."
"You already said that." You teased her lightly, meeting her gaze when she moved back to look at you properly. One of her hands came up to delicately cradle your cheek as if she was scared you would disintegrate at her touch. "Don't be so worried. I'm not going anywhere right now."
"You better not." Alexia murmured, her eyes boring down at you so deeply that it caused your breath to hitch in your throat. "I can't believe you're here."
You blushed at the intensity of her look, gesturing a hand down your body jokingly.
"Live in the flesh." You grinned cheekily, gasping slightly when she pulled you back into herself. "Ale."
"Say that again." She said so quietly you almost missed it.
"Alexia. Ale." You repeated, along with a light kiss to her cheek. She physically deflated in your arms, all the tension you didn't even realise was there dissipating immediately. You saying her name was like the last confirmation she needed that yes, you were actually here.
"I..." She started, leaning back and shaking her head whilst letting out a shaky breath. "I missed you. So much."
You smile and... almost instinctively lean in to kiss her - what were you doing?
"I missed you too." You replied, willing yourself to not ruin it, not now, not when you've made it so far. "I really did."
She returned a smile and reluctantly lets go of you in favour of finally taking a seat at the table. You sit across from her and realise that most of the tables were quite small and intimate, and if you had any remaining functional thought processes left that weren't all occupied by Alexia, you would have thought she'd chosen this restaurant for that specific feature. Your knees grazed against each other under the table and Alexia couldn't stop herself from travelling the small distance with her hands to grasp one of yours with both of hers.
"How are you?"
"Well, that's quite a question. Do you want the short answer or the long answer?" You answer humorously, Alexia shrugging.
"Whatever you want. Say it all or say nothing, I'm just glad to be in your company again." You can't help but swoon a little at her words. "But... I would really like it if you were honest with me. And open. Though I understand if not."
"I'm happy to tell you it all. You best have your listening ears on though." You say, delighted to hear her laugh.
"I do, I swear."
At that, you explain everything from start to finish. From the days you spent in bed, to the first therapy session you had, to the moment you opened up to your grandparents, all the way to the point where you made the decision to come back to Barcelona. The only slightly annoying and poorly timed interruption was from the waiter who asked for your orders, the pair of you quickly apologising and taking one glance at the menu before ordering the first thing that caught your eye.
She listened intently to every word you had to say, not afraid to ask a question every now and then whilst also respecting the privacy you still had every right to. Alexia didn't really feel like you absolutely owed her anything, she just wanted a little context to it all, a little closure and an update on your current state of mind. She just wanted you to be well, she just wanted you.
The whole time you spoke, she simply gazed at you with such a soft and earnest look in her eyes. With her presence that, despite all that time, still had the greatest effect on you paired with your newfound self, you were at peace here.
"You promise that you're better now?" She raises her hand up to you, waiting for you to link fingers with her to secure your truth. And this time, you weren't lying when you answered her.
"I'm so much better." You stated with a shy smile, and that statement felt like the final nail in the coffin to the whole journey you'd been on the past two years.
"You don't know how happy I am to hear that." Alexia revealed with a disbelieving shake of her head. You lift your shoulders in a dismissive shrug, glancing down at your joined hands in the centre of the table.
"Are you... are you angry at me?" You ask. You weren't perfect still, you still had doubts and insecurities.
"What would I be angry about?" Her nose scrunched up in genuine confusion.
"Any of it. All of it."
"Hey." She said, nudging your hand to try and gain your attention. You look up at her and blush a little. "Do I seem angry?" You ponder that for a moment, eyes searching her face, before shaking your head no. "Good, because I'm not. Not at all. What person would I be to react like that?"
"An asshole." You mumble, the pair of you breaking out into laughter after a second.
"I'm proud of you and happy for you. You..." Alexia sighs and pauses, wondering if it's the right time to say what she wanted to say. It's her turn to focus her attention on your hands as she mindlessly traced random shapes on the back of your hand with her finger. "This new version of you, I can see that you're less... weighed down by things. There is a different look in your eyes and though I can't quite describe it yet, I know it's a sign that you feel better and more at peace with yourself. That is all I could wish for, for the person I love."
Sorry, what was that?
"Uh, you sti- you still love me?" You stuttered. You just had to know.
"Yes. I do." Alexia confirms, a sheepish smile on her face. "I was being truthful before you left when I said that I'll always love you. Maybe I shouldn't have said this now. You don't have to love me still. I would... I would understand."
"No, Ale, what?" You shook your head at her and squeezed her hands tightly. "I love you. I'll always love you too. Why do you think I wouldn't love you?"
"Why would you think I wouldn't love you?" She hits back, resulting in you both laughing shyly. "It would have to be really crazy situations for me to not love you, chiqui."
"Was this not a crazy situation? Me dramatically fleeing the country out of nowhere?"
"No, and don't say it like that. You had every reason to leave, okay? I told you that when you left and I'll still tell you that now. I don't resent you for choosing yourself." Alexia argues firmly, bringing your hand up to her mouth so that she could kiss the back of it reassuringly. She halts for a moment, wondering if it's appropriate to do so, but judging by the redness of your cheeks she decides to go through with it. "I... just had a few doubts about this all, but now that you're here my mind has calmed down now."
"Are you okay?" You blurt out.
At the mention of herself, your concern immediately turned to Alexia and how she coped through all this. If you knew her as well as you thought you did, you had a feeling you knew what her immediate reaction would be.
"What do you mean?"
Exactly what you guessed.
"I haven't checked up on you yet. I want to know how you've been doing." You answer, shifting forward slightly so that you were closer to her.
"Why check up on me?" Alexia chuckles nervously.
"Because your girlfriend walked out on you and went off the grid for a year and a half. Forget about me right now, Ale, I want to know how you are."
She pauses looking at you, an internal battle going on behind her eyes that you're all too familiar with, until she sighs once more and her demeanour drops.
"Well, I was worried about you, firstly. Everyday I woke up you were the first thing I thought about and the last thing in my mind before I slept. I don't think you ever left my mind, not for long anyway. I wanted the best for you. And then I guess... I had a few selfish thoughts too. But as I said, you're here, and I don't need to think about them anymore." Alexia told you, a tight-lipped smile on her face. "I don't want to say them now, today is about you."
"No, Alexia, it's not. It's a day for both of us." You urge her to understand that it's okay for her to open up, that it's been a hard time for her too, but part of you knows you most likely won't get that out of her today.
"Amor, please. Let's do this another time, for now just focus on the positive. We can talk about me any other time, just not now, please." She begs with a pleading look in her eyes. "I am okay, I swear. You being here has solved everything, it's the truth."
"Promise you'll open up at some point soon?" It's your turn to hold your hand up for her to make a promise.
"As long as you stay long enough." She jokes, but it's clear to see there is some fear and insecurity there. She does link her finger with yours though, a sentiment that's never lost on you. "How long are you staying for?"
"That's the thing. I don't really have a return date yet." You admit, and the flash of hope in Alexia's eyes ignites a feeling of longing inside of you.
Forget timings and socially standardised timelines of falling in love or healing or whatever it was you were doing, you didn't care anymore. Why delay the inevitable process? You were in love with her and she was in love with you. Taking it slow was overrated anyway.
"What does that mean?" Alexia asks, her heart palpitating at the prospect of your answer.
"It means... anything, Ale. What do you want it to mean?"
Perhaps answering questions with another question wasn't the best habit you'd picked up from your therapist.
"You want the truth?" You nod instantly, your emotions already bubbling and she hasn't even said anything yet. "As long as you are ready for it, and you must swear to me that you are because I don't want to h-"
"Oh my god, just say it, please." You beg, eyes wide in hopeful anticipation, waiting for her to admit the thing you had yearned for all these months.
"I want you back in my life, permanently. I want to be your girlfriend again. No matter how long it takes, no matter how slow you decide to take things, the thing I've wished for all this time is to just be yours again, to have you as mine. I'll do anything to make that happen, I swear by it. You want me to throw stones at your hotel window? I'll do it. You want me to sneak onto your balcony in the middle of the night? I'll do that. You want me to stand outside your door with a loudspeaker and signs? I already have the speaker and words prepared. I'll even stand in the centre of Montjuïc at the next game and sing for you if you really want."
You laugh at every ridiculous idea of devotion that comes out of her mouth, eyes glossy with unshed tears. Except, this time, the tears aren't ones of sorrow or longing, they're tears of exultation and relief. Alexia had waited for you, all this time. There had been no one else for her and no matter how selfish it was, it's the best revelation you've ever had.
"I don't think the culers would be too happy about you singing." You teased, rolling your eyes at the smug and nonchalant shrug she gave.
"I don't care, because it wouldn't be for them, it would be for you." She smirks, leaning in closer. Your foreheads were mere inches about now, a fact neither of you could ignore.
"You sure you want me back?" You mumbled shyly. It was Alexia's turn to roll her eyes now as she fought back the temptation to kiss the doubt off of your lips.
"I want nothing more than I want you." She responded, sounding so sure of herself that it was intoxicatingly enticing.
"Even if it's long distance for a little while?"
"Even then." Alexia smiles, resting her arms on her elbows as she brought your joined hands up together to rest in between you both. She pressed her lips to your hands once more, eyes closed as she does so, before looking back into your eyes. "We will figure out the logistics another time. For now, all I know is that I have the love of my life back and I want to spend every second I can with her before she leaves."
"Love of your life, hm?" You whisper with a shy grin, Alexia grunting at how you teased her for her softness. It was something you'd always done, and she was grateful that that part of you hadn't changed. "Well, what do we do now?"
"I'm hoping that you will let me kiss you, finally."
"In here? With all these people?" There really weren't that many people in there, and the few that were wouldn't even take notice of the sickeningly sweet moment occuring.
"Sí. Déjame besarte, por favor." The sound of Alexia speaking Spanish was something you could never get over, it did things to you everytime. How could you deny her when she spoke like she did?
"I guess." You rolled your eyes and sighed dramatically as if it was such an inconvenience.
Alexia simply grinned and planted both her hands on your cheeks before surging forward to kiss you. However, she pauses for a moment, just taking in your appearance and letting out a huff of disbelieved laughter, then she finally presses her lips against yours. A quiet, muffled moan leaves your throat before you can stop it, and the sound of it causes Alexia to smirk smugly. Frustratingly, the stupid but irresistible thing made it aggravatingly difficult to kiss the life out of her like you so wanted to. The smirk was wiped off of Alexia's face the second you broke the kiss much sooner than she wanted to.
"What's wro-"
"I can't kiss you how I want to when you're grinning like a maniac, pendeja!" You groan, butting your forehead against hers to further emphasise your annoyance.
"Pobrecita bebé." Alexia pouts sarcastically at you whilst gently grasping your chin with her thumb and forefinger. That idiotic, childish grin soon forced its way back where it belongs, and you can't help but smile at the sight of it. "I can't help it, amor! What do you want me to do?"
"Be normal and not do that stupid smirk!"
"Oh, perdóname, I'm sorry I'm so happy that I have you back!" Alexia exclaims, arguing solely to rile you up. What people didn't know about this layered Catalan is that she loved bickering with you or just annoying you in general. You didn't realise quite how much you missed it until this moment now.
"I swear to god, stop being so infuriating and just get o-"
And get on with it she did. You couldn't even finish your sentence before she silenced you in one of the best ways you could think of. And god bless the poor waiter who just wanted to do his job, because when he came to give you your meals, the sight he walked up to was somewhat less than PG. The young guy, who honestly looked no older than 18, cleared his throat louder than normal and the pair of you jumped a mile apart at the unexpected presence. Alexia had to grip the edge of the table to prevent her chair from tipping back, trying desperately to disguise her embarrassment with a tight-lipped smile and rambled thanks to the boy, all the whilst you had to stifle what would be a very loud belly laugh.
"Calláte, that was your fault." Alexia hushed out, her eyes scanning the room to figure out if anyone else had just witnessed that monstrosity. Meanwhile, your face was now bright red due to the laughter threatening to escape out from behind your palm that covered your mouth. It was Alexia's fault really, the shot burst of laughter that barrelled out of you, because she kicked you in the shin as she sipped from the water that had been dropped off at some point during the afternoon. "Dios mío, what is wrong with you!?"
"Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry." You choked out. You took a page from Alexia's book and drank some of your water. As you did, you noticed that Alexia's face wasn't contorted to one of irritation, it was the face she did when she was trying to suppress the overwhelming amount of joy she felt. As someone who was so keen to convey a certain persona, it was one you'd seen a few times since you'd known her, and this was perhaps your favourite look of hers. "I think you'll find it was your awkwardness that was at fault, Ale."
"Yeah, yeah. Eat your food, idiota."
There were periods of peaceful silence as you ate, some conversation here and there, but despite all that has and hasn't been said so far, it felt like there wasn't anything that needed to be uttered. You were both content to enjoy each other's presence again, your eyes meeting every other moment as you ate which resulted in you both blushing and laughing like lovesick teenagers.
It really was tooth-rottingly sweet, and though the dynamic wasn't all too different than it was before, there was solace found in the knowledge that a lot of things had been changed for the better. The prospect of it all was exhilarating, a new path for you both to walk together, and for you there were no longer question marks looming over every part of your life.
The main thing that hadn't changed too much for you, a thing you were relieved about, was the way Alexia made you feel. It was the same as it used to be, except about a million times better. There wasn't so much guilt or gloom that was masked by Alexia, it was all genuine and you already knew that feeling would bleed into your everyday life with her around.
"You said you told your grandparents about me?" Alexia wondered, sitting back in her chair with her hands linked over her stomach.
"I did. They said if this goes well, I have to bring back Barça shirts for them." You revealed with a smile, Alexia chuckling.
"I can organise that for them. As well as tickets to a game if they'd like."
"Alright, Miss Marketing." You roll your eyes at her offer, pausing to take a sip from your half-full glass. "We get it, you love your club. You don't have to spread the message like a missionary."
"I have to win them over some way." Alexia laughs, before her face turns a little more serious and you have a feeling you know what she's about to bring up. "What about your... Dad?"
"Haven't spoken to him since the day I left." You answer, eyes focused on the tracks your finger left behind on the condensation of the glass as it ran around the curve of it. "No idea what he's doing or where he is. Just know that he's alive and that's all I have the energy to care about."
"That's good for you, amor. He doesn't deserve you."
"I know that." You smile genuinely at her, and that's another one of her worries she had for you erased. "I think, out of anyone, my therapist is the one you must give tickets to."
"Mm, yes. I must meet this magical woman one day, I owe my life to her." That charming smirk is back on her face, and you blush at that as well as the sentiment she holds in her words.
"I don't want this meal to end." You mumble in a disheartened voice, reaching your hand across the small gap between you both to grasp one of the hands on her stomach.
"It... it doesn't have to, amor." Alexia starts, catching your attention as you look up to meet her eyes. "You could come over to my apartment. It's been a while since you've been there. The indentation on my balcony chair has left, I think you need to reinstate it."
You roll your eyes at her humour, a soft smile on your face at the laugh she gives at her own jokes. You do think the offer over though - is it too soon? Maybe, but if this counted as a first date, milestones were out the window considering you'd already confessed your love for each other. Did time and patience count when it came to re-conciliating a relationship? Screw it, who cares.
"I'd be happy to come over, Ale. If you want that."
"Are you sure? Because I would love that, except I don't want to rush you or ruin anything if we move too fast."
"Fuck that. I know what I want now and that's you. Who cares what is too fast. I've delayed our relationship once already, I'm not doing that again."
She stares at you from across the table and if it was possible, you'd say her pupils were the shape of a heart with the look she fixed you with. Then she was standing out of nowhere, shrugging her jacket back on whilst you watched her, completely confused, until she held her hand out for you.
"Let's go, ay?" She hums, wiggling her fingers to urge you to move. "No wasting time, you said."
You jut your tongue into your cheek, heart fluttering at her forwardness, and gather your own coat before taking her hand. She presses a soft kiss to your cheek before guiding you towards the exit with a hand on your lower back, a notion she's always done and one you'll always adore.
Silently, she leads you to her car that's parked around the corner and watches with a shy but proud smile as you climb into the passenger side of the car. With every little thing you did, whether that was humming contently as you ate your food or smiling at her absentmindedly every time she spoke, or even just blinking and breathing, she realised she could never verbalise the love she held for you because she'd never experienced it before in her life, ever. Not with pets, not with friends, not with her family. It was otherworldly, unexplainable, and though she wasn't religious, her devotion to you was just as close to that.
Again, there is just light, scattered chatter as she drives you back to one of your favourite places in the world, and once more she guides you to the elevator with her palm pressed to your back. As you stand in the lift, shoulder to shoulder, there are modestly triumphant smiles on your faces, a wordless shared notion sitting between you that everything was worth it in the end. Even if it took a journey and a half to get there, the climb was always worth it for the view at the top.
"What would you like to do now?" Alexia asks as she unlocks her door and allows you to step in before her.
"Uh, can we chill on the balcony? You know it's my favourite spot." You reply with a grin, and Alexia somehow knew you were going to say that, almost as if she's heard those words leave your mouth maybe a few hundred times in the past.
"Of course. You go ahead, I'll get us some drinks."
You nod and walk through to her bedroom, one thing standing out to you; everything is exactly the same as it was before. That comforts you impossibly more than you yourself could ever understand. Future therapy topic?
However, there is one thing that jumps out at you. You walk over to where it stands on Alexia's dresser and pick it up, holding the object in your hand with a smile on your face.
"Ale, why do you have my favourite perfume here? I never once brought it to your apartment." You shout to where she was in the kitchen, no doubt her cheeks a bright pink colour at the fact she'd been caught out.
"Because I bought some, after you left." She replied, and you giggle to yourself at the ever so slightly embarrassed tone that creeps through.
"Liked the smell, did you?"
"Mm. Something like that." She grumbled.
You grin and place it down, heading over to the sliding door adjacent to her bed and opening it. The air that hits you and the sight that greets you causes a wave of familiarity to wash over you, one that you welcome straight away. You take a deep breath and bask in the feeling, leaning on the railing as your eyes raked over the view you adored.
A few minutes later and you hear Alexia walking out behind you, first placing the drinks on the small side table before joining you at the edge. She wraps an arm loosely around your waist and rests her chin on your shoulder, admiring the view of the city that was literally right on her doorstep.
"I missed this view." You break the silence first, voicing what Alexia already knew.
"I missed you." She murmurs, turning to press a kiss to your shoulder when she notices something. "Ah, I knew you never gave that back."
Delicately, she runs her index finger along the necklace that sat around your neck which she had gifted you way back when, quietly delighted to see you still wearing it. And it also aided her in not feeling so embarrassed about the earlier incident where you had found the perfume she bought in memory of you.
"Yeah, sorry about that." You mumble sheepishly, shivering when Alexia chuckles into your neck where her lips soon leave a kiss.
"No, I like that you still have it."
You hum in acknowledgement, content to stay here in the arms of your girlfriend as the locals carried on with the hustle and bustle of city life below you.
"This was my favourite thing about your apartment." You state a little while later, leaning your head against Alexia's.
"I remember." You feel her say it more than you hear it, before a thought clearly captures her attention as she stands up fully, still with her arm around you. "You could come here, uh... full time, you know?"
"You mean move in with you?" It's not the most surprising thing you'd heard from her in all honesty, but it was still a bit of a shock to the system.
"If you'd like. I know I would be happy with that."
"I would too, but... I think that maybe does cross the line of 'too soon' though." You reply with an apologetic smile, but Alexia understands instantly, of course she does.
"That's okay." She comments, one more kiss to your shoulder. "Do you think you'll ever come back to live here again? Barcelona, I mean."
With this city before you, this woman holding you and loving you so gently, and the sea and the sky merging into one in the far distance, you think that maybe life can be simple after all. That starts and ends with Alexia.
"I think it's only a matter of time."
386 notes · View notes
allywthsr · 8 months
Text
THE VACATION | (l.norris)
part three to lando on raya
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summary: Part three to Lando Norris on Raya! The vacation, meeting the family, and a big question in the end.
wordcount: 13k (what?)
pairing: landonorris x fem!reader
warnings: smut! Luisa being a bad human
notes: last chapter! I‘m so thankful for everybody who read this series, I had so much fun writing it! And thank you for being patient with me, for the delay. Comment your thoughts🫶🏼
part one part two
”So will you come with me and my family on holiday?“
”Yes, I‘ll join you“, shit. Did you really just say that? You still had no idea what you would say to your family and friends. Just disappear and say nothing? Nah, you couldn’t do that.
”Really?“
Lando got excited and stopped walking, he grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him, still keeping a distance between you and him, so he could look you into the eyes.
”Yeah, I think so.“
”You don’t sound too convinced.“
”No, I wanna come with you. I just don’t know what I’ll tell my family, you know?“
”Maybe I can meet them, to show them that I am not a random person.“
”Yeah maybe.“
He kissed your forehead and pulled you towards him into a hug. You placed your head on his chest and inhaled his scent while hugging him back.
”I‘m glad I met you, Y/N. I know we haven’t known each other for long and other people might say we’re stupid but I’m really happy I have you in my life now.“
”Didn’t know you were a sappy drunk.“
”I‘m not, s‘just all true.“
He rubbed his chin over your head and nuzzled closer to you.
”Maybe we should go back to the hotel? I don’t want people to see us so early, they can be pretty mean. And also I want to have a proper cuddle.“
You smiled and looked up, ”yeah, I’m also tired, these days have been tiring.“
”I know that I tire out the girls, tell me more“, Lando proudly smirked and laughed, clearly being sarcastic.
”I mean my work, but whatever floats your boat“, you lovingly slapped his chest and pulled on his hand a little, so you would actually start walking towards your hotel. And he did just that, with entwined hands you made your way back to the hotel. When you arrived, both of you jumped on the bed.
”It was a nice date, was it?“
”Yes Lan, thank you for inviting me, and the date.“
”It’s nothing, I’m just happy I found you.“
”Me too, you have no idea.“
”Should we get ready for bed? I bought plane tickets for London tomorrow afternoon, we still need to get to the airport in time and it’s already 12:28 am.“
”Lando, you don’t have to buy plane tickets for me, I’m perfectly fine buying them on my own. I don’t want you spending so much money on me.“
”Darling, it’s nothing, really. I didn’t want you to fly alone.“
You sighed and nuzzled in his chest where you mumbled a quiet ’thank you‘. You were grateful for him, but also spending so much money on you and you weren’t together or anything, was just crazy to you. But nonetheless, you both got ready for bed, and quickly you fell asleep in his arms.
You woke up, cuddled to Lando, and still a few minutes until your alarm rang. You enjoyed the last few moments in peace before the stressful day began. Lando snored slightly and you looked at him, he looked like an angel on earth, peaceful.
Before you could do anything, the alarm rang and Lando was startled. With a moan he turned around, shutting the alarm off, and turned around again to hug you tight from behind. You put your hand on his and squeezed it, not ready for the day of traveling, even if it was a short flight from Spa to London.
”Good morning.“
”Morning Lan“, you turned around in his embrace, putting one hand on his cheek and caressing it. He leaned forward and pecked your lips. You‘ve always loved slow mornings, but slow mornings with Lando already felt way better than any other morning you ever had in your life. Even if you couldn’t sleep in, Lando had calculated a few cuddle minutes in before you actually had to get up.
You ordered breakfast to your room, got ready and before you knew it you sat on the plane next to Lando. He wore a cap that he pulled in his face, just in case somebody recognized him. Your hands were linked together and when you were flying through the sky the armrests were put down, you needed to be close to him and he wasn’t feeling any different.
The flight was rather short and without any big turbulence, you spend the time chatting and laughing, cuddling and stealing light kisses from the other. You believed he was your soulmate, there’s no other option. You felt comfortable with him, you didn’t feel the need to be someone you weren’t, and all that after knowing him for only three days. Would other people call you a psycho? Maybe. Would you change a thing? No.
He was your person and you were sure.
But before you knew it, you had to separate. He wanted to meet up with his family and friends in the UK and you had to go back to work. You‘ve spent at least five minutes just hugging and exchanging kisses in the airport, you both weren’t ready to say goodbye yet. Eventually, Lando slowly pulled back from the hug and tugged a piece of hair behind your ear.
”Look, we‘ll talk every night over the phone, I‘ll facetime you. We‘ll text all the time and I’m making sure I’ll visit you at least one day. And it’s only five days, we‘ll manage. I can feel that you’re special, I won’t let go of you that easy.“
He left a kiss on your forehead.
”I know, but still. I‘ll miss you. And you need to send me a packing list so I can get the last few things for the trip. I don’t even know what kind of clothing I should bring, I‘ve never been on a yacht.“
He leaned forward and smirked, ”Lots and lots of bikinis, which barely hide anything.“
”You’re a pervert.“
”But you still like me.“
”I do.“
”Let’s go, okay? I‘ll come visit you in two days?“
You nodded your head and gave him one last tight hug before turning around and wheeling with your suitcase to the next taxi. While the driver loaded your stuff in the trunk, you looked at Lando, he still stood in the same spot and waited for you to drive off. He raised his hand and waved, which you returned without a doubt.
After getting in the taxi, you named the driver your address and he sped off.
————————————————————————
It’s been two days since you last saw Lando. He had visited you at your apartment and you two cooked dinner together, squeezing in one or two pleasurable cardio workouts in between and after.
If you know what I mean.
Right now you were waiting for Lando to pick you up for the airport. Almost ready you sat on the couch at five am, you couldn’t understand why he chose such an early start. When the doorbell rang, you got up and opened the door, being welcomed by the handsome face that belonged to Lando.
”Hiya handsome.“
”Hey babygirl.“
He greeted you with a kiss on the corner of your mouth.
”Ready to meet my family?“
”Kinda? I‘m nervous as fuck.“
”Don’t worry darling, they‘ll love you.“
”Whatever you say.“
You giggled into his chest and hugged him tight.
”By the way, my mom called yesterday and said that she finds you lovely.“
”Really?“
You hummed and thought of the awkward FaceTime call you shared with your parents. You wanted them to see Lando, obviously not being happy that you’re going on vacation with some random boy, but they couldn’t tell you no. So you arranged a little FaceTime call because seeing them in person wasn’t easy with your parents not living around the corner.
Your mum was smitten with Lando, the second she saw him, your dad knew him from watching F1, but he acted like a dad had to act when the daughter introduced a boy. With that little meet-up, your parents had a better feeling about you going on holiday with Lando, you had to promise to call at least once a day.
”Ready to go?“
”I just want to go pee and then we can go.“
”Alright, love.“
When you turned around, Lando gave you a slap on your right ass cheek, which you commented with a chuckle.
Lando loaded all of your stuff in the trunk of his car and drove to Heathrow, where the plane would take off to the Zadar Airport. Nervous was an understatement. What if his family doesn’t like you? Then you had to spend two whole weeks with them trapped on a yacht. He told you a little about his family, that Flo does showjumping, Cisca goes to Uni and Oliver was a CEO of a company. You were most excited about Mila and little Athena. Mila loved Lando, she was obsessed with him and you couldn’t wait to see Lando in full-on Uncle duty.
When you arrived at the airport, Lando parked the car in one of the car parks and got all the luggage out of the car. He insisted on taking the suitcases and his carry-on, you were barely allowed to carry your own little backpack for the plane. He was a true gentleman. You two arrived at the terminal where the others waited for you. From a distance, you could see the big crowd of family members, not only was the whole Norris family waiting, but also the boyfriends of Cisca and Flo and the two dogs, Uno and Mocha that belonged to Oliver and Savannah. In total you were thirteen people and two dogs, could that fit into a private plane? When it was time to greet everyone, Lando went and gave everyone a loving hug or a cool bro handshake, before introducing you to everyone.
”This is Y/N. The girl I told you, that would be joining us.“
”Hi, I‘m Y/N.“
You awkwardly claimed, but before you could say another word, Cisca, Lando’s mother, went and hugged you.
”Hello darling, I’m Cisca, nice to meet you, I‘ve heard so much about you.“
”Thank you for letting me join you on your family holiday.“
”Of course darling.“
She let you go and next were his siblings, his dad, and Savannah, all of them welcomed you with a warm hug. The boyfriends just gave you an awkward wave, and a’hello‘, which you returned.
”Let’s go, shall we?“, Lando said.
All of you agreed with him and he was already leading the way to the check-in, with your suitcase in his hand.
The check-in went smoothly and before you knew it you were seated in the plane, next to Lando. It would take you to Croatia, where you then would take off with a yacht to swim around the ocean. You‘ve never been in a private plane, so you were amazed by the luxury and soft cushions.
When you looked around the family members, they didn’t seem to be fazed about it, more like it was something normal. That was it, you needed to marry rich, so you could be as relaxed as them while sitting in a private plane.
The flight was calm, you chatted a lot with Cisca, both of them. It was a little confusing that his sister had the same name as his mother, but you found it cute how the mothers' name was kept in the family. Lando did tell you a few days ago, that they call his sister ’Cis‘ instead of her full name, that way it wouldn’t always be confusing.
After you arrived, you were the first to leave the private plane, Lando right behind you. You stepped out in the warm morning sun at 8:30 am, walking down the stairs and waiting for the rest to come down too. Two members of the aircraft crew started to unload the suitcases and whatever was shoved in there. After Mila and Athena were sat in their buggies, you all went into the airport to a spot where a guy was waiting for you.
”Are you Family Norris?“
A few ’yes‘ and hums were heard and the guy ushered you to follow him. He arranged a bus that would take you to the pier of Croatia where the yacht is waiting for you.
At the yacht, you were astonished at how big it was. After all, it had to fit thirteen people and it had five bedrooms. You didn’t want to know how much a week would cost, you bet a fortune. But you knew Lando and his family weren’t poor people and they could still live the life they were living even after a big holiday like this.
They all went over the little bridge that connected the yacht to the land. You followed and you smiled at Lando, when he reached for your hand, helping you walk over the wobbly bridge. He kept his hand in yours while all of you went and explored the yacht, starting with the top floor and slowly working the way down.
”I call dips on the bedroom with the best view!“, was screamed by a very childish Lando after he let go of your hand and sprinted towards all the doors of the lowest deck.
”I hope you know how childish your boyfriend is“, Savannah said after turning to you.
”Oh, uhm, we’re not together.“
Awkward. Very awkward.
”Really? You looked very much in love on the plane.“
She chuckled and you turned red in the face.
”Uhm, thanks, I guess?“, you laughed.
”No really, the way he looked at you and always had to touch you somehow, whether on your back, thigh, or how he stroked your ankles when you draped your legs over his lap. I’ve known Lando for some years now and I’ve never seen him so affectionate.“
You blushed harder than before, you hadn’t noticed all the things she mentioned but now that you thought of it, he really had a hand on you the whole time. And the way he did that in front of his family as well? It was something you weren’t used to.
”Don’t worry, Lando always needs a bit more time than others, but I’m sure you mean a lot to him.“
”He means a lot to me too.“
”I can see that.“
You were glad that Savannah was there, she treated you like you‘ve been with them for years.
”I‘m happy you’re here, Y/N. I think that we will have a lot of fun with you, you fit perfectly in our family.“
”I already feel so comfortable within your family, I can’t wait for the next week.“
She gave you a light squeeze and you followed Lando into a bedroom after he screamed your name.
”Y/N, you see that? It’s beautiful!“
He pointed to the window where you could see the ocean. It was big and under it was a shelf where Lando had put his carry-on.
He came closer to hug you, cheekily pressing a kiss on your neck.
”Lando, someone could come in.“
After all the door was wide open and you could still hear the rest of the family chatting not too far away.
”I don’t care, it’s not like I’m fucking you against the wall. Even though I want to.“
”Lando!“
You let out a quiet gasp, how dare he say that when his family was less than five meters away.
”What? It’s true. Do you know how hard it was not to touch you? You look absolutely smashing in your shorts and crop top. And I don’t even wanna think of you in a bikini. I need to do a little wrist workout before I see that, or otherwise, I will run around with a boner the whole day.“
”You’re insatiable.“
He only chuckled and kissed you on your forehead.
”I‘m sorry to disturb your peace but we want to order brunch.“
Lando and you turned around to look at Oliver.
”We’re coming.“
Oliver left the room and you looked at Lando.
”Fuck, I‘m a little hard.“
You bursted out laughing.
”Don’t laugh, what am I gonna do?“
Lando screamed quietly.
Go to the toilet and calm down or do other things to make it go down, I‘ll go to your family and say you needed to go to the toilet.“
”You sure you’re okay with being alone with my family?“
”Yes, I’m sure they won’t bite my head off.“
He laughed and went into the little bathroom that was connected to your bedroom, while you went upstairs to the main deck where his family was waiting.
”Where’s Lando?“, Flo asked.
”Uhm, he needed to go to the toilet, I‘m sure he‘ll be here soon.“
They all nodded and gave you a menu to choose your brunch from.
And not even after five minutes Lando joined you and sat down next to you, putting his hand on your thigh, squeezing it slightly. You looked at him and he just smirked at you, you knew he didn’t just wait in the bathroom.
You gave him your menu, after choosing the dish of your liking. He chose a chicken breast dish, after all, he was still a high-performance athlete and had to be in shape. The chef, who was booked for the day, came and took your order.
Lando’s dad spoke.
”You two have to tell us how you met!“
You looked at Lando with panic in your eyes. What should you say?
”Dad, I told you it wasn’t important.“
”I don’t see the harm.“
”We met over a dating app called Raya in Amsterdam.“
They all just nodded and Oliver looked at Lando with a smirk, he knew why his brother hit you up.
You quickly changed the topic.
”I wanted to say thank you again, for letting me come to your family holiday, it means so much. I don’t know how to repay you.“
”Y/N, stop it. We’re glad that Lando found someone again, we were scared he would end up alone. I‘m sure the next week will be fun.“
You liked Cisca already, she was very much a mother, especially now, when she put her hand on yours and gave it a little squeeze to prove her point.
The next twenty minutes were spent just talking to each other and getting to know them when the Chef and another cook came and brought the food you ordered. You looked at your meal, it looked absolutely delicious, and it tasted good too! Because you hadn’t really eaten anything yet, except a little pretzel that you shared with Lando on the plane, the food was gone before you knew it.
”What’s the plan for the week?“, Cis asked.
”I want to explore the city and maybe chill at a beach too“, Flo replied.
You nodded your head, agreeing with her.
”And I just wanna chill all day long“, Oliver said, looking at his wife, who also nodded.
”I‘d say, let’s just change into something more summer-like and lay down on the sunbeds, maybe we can go for a swim after“, Adam said.
The whole group just hummed and made their way to the bottom floor to the bedrooms.
”I‘m gonna call my parents and tell them that we arrived.“
Lando nodded and opened his suitcase.
”Can I choose your bikini?“
”Sure.“
Why shouldn’t he? You packed enough swimwear for the week, he would see all of them anyway.
While ringing your parents, Lando opened your suitcase and rummaged through your clothes, carefully trying to not mess it up too badly. But before he could find the bikinis, he found your undergarments. Like a little kid on Christmas, he picked up every panty and held it up in the air, inspecting them. You sat on the bed, talking to your parents, you tried to suppress your laughs, he looked like as if he saw panties for the first time. He felt the different materials and looked at the different colors. You tried to bring him back to his original task, but he didn’t listen.
”Yes mum, I already ate something. Can I call you later? We want to go swimming. Yes, I will be careful about the sharks, don’t worry. I‘ll only go in if it’s safe and I’ll always have Lando with me.“
While saying his name he perked up and looked at you.
”What? No! Mum, please. Don’t be embarrassing. No! Don’t put dad on the phon-, hey dad, yes I’m fine. Please, dad, you‘ll embarrass me, I know it. Yes, okay.“
Lando looked at you confused when you held your phone towards him.
”My dad wants to speak to you.“
”Hi Mr. Y/L/N. Thank you, I’m good, how are you?“
God, how embarrassing.
”Yes, I‘ll take care of her, trust me. Yes sir, I won’t be sleeping in the same bed as her, we have separate bedrooms in fact.“
What? What is he talking about?
”Thank you, bye.“
When he gave you your phone back, your dad hung up, lovely how he wanted to speak to you.
”What did he say?“
”Relax babe, it’s all good. He just wanted me to protect you.“
”What about the bedrooms?“
”Oh yeah, he told me that I’m not allowed to sleep in the same bed as you.“
”What?“
”Yeah, thank god he doesn’t know that I‘ve been inside of you multiple times already.“
The typical boy smirk appeared on his face and you threw a pillow in his face.
”Anyway, have you finally picked out my bikini?“
”Love, are you insane? I‘ve been too distracted by your panties. Who knew you had so many sexy dessous.“
You shook your head, put them into a drawer, before anyone could see them, and pulled out your bikinis.
”Choose.“
You threw all of them in Lando’s lap and in the meantime, you began to unpack the rest of your stuff.
You heard a few muffles and mumbles from Lando, about ’too much fabric‘ ’wrong color, who buys Ferrari red bikinis‘, and ’that‘ll make me hard in seconds‘. In the end, he chose a papaya-colored bikini, that you bought extra for this trip, you knew he would love it.
You went into the bathroom but kept the door open, it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen everything of you already. Quickly you changed into the bikini, while Lando was changing into his swim trunks, and when you put your hair up, Lando came into the bathroom and hugged you from behind, you looked at each other through the mirror.
”You know, I‘m really happy you’re here. I knew my family would love you.“
”I‘m also happy I‘m here. Thank you for taking me with you.“
He only gave you a kiss on your shoulder and squeezed you tight. You heard a knock on the door when you turned around in his embrace and linked your hands behind his neck.
”Guys, we wanna go swimming, you coming?“
”We‘re coming dad.“
With that, you pressed a kiss on his lips and you both went upstairs, to where his family was waiting for you. You could hear his sisters and Savannah giggling when you appeared and your hands were linked together, at this point, it became a natural thing. Whenever you could, you would hold hands and be close to each other. You all went to the lowest platform and jumped into the ocean, at least some of you. Savannah stayed back to watch the kids and dogs, not wanting them to be on their own. You asked if you should keep her company, so she wouldn’t be alone, but she told you she wants to read a book anyway.
Lando and his siblings + their boyfriends all went into the water without a doubt. You could see they all have been on something like this before, not caring about the water and just jumping right in. You on the other hand went in more slowly, just as Lando’s parents did.
”Lando, can you hold me, if I drown?“
”Sure babe.“
You looked at him. What did he just say? In front of his family. He really didn’t care. And you liked it. You loved how carefree he could be and just blurt out pet names without being ashamed in front of his family. What a walking green flag.
You went in the water and Lando immediately came to you, offering you somewhere to hold onto. With a smile, you latched onto his side and enjoyed the coldish water against your hot skin. Since the water was rather clear, you could see your surroundings and what was swimming in the water with you. You didn’t need to encounter a shark up close. When you got used to the water, you let go of Lando, who made sure you were comfortable about a hundred times. Adam and Cisca went for a swim around the boat and the rest of the group was still chilling where you jumped in. Quickly little games started, who can hold their breath the longest under the water, who can swim the fastest, who can do the coolest trick and the list goes on and on. After a while you all were exhausted and hopped onto the yacht again, sitting down on the lounge while waiting for the sun and the warm breeze to dry you off. Together you went upstairs to get a drink and to get out of the sun, Adam and Cisca were waiting for you with cocktails.
A cocktail before 1:00 pm? That’s what you call vacation.
You took your favorite drink and sat down next to Lando, who placed his hand on your thigh, stroking the warm skin slowly.
”Lando, Y/N! I want to take a picture of you, smile please.“
Lando’s mum being the mum she is, taking pictures of their kids.
You leaned into Lando and placed your hand onto his‘, smiling brightly as Cisca took a picture of you two.
”Adorable you two!“
”Can you send me the pic mum? I‘ll send it to Y/N.“
”Sure, but you can add her to the vacation group chat, that way we all have her number, if that’s okay for you, love.“
You nodded and smiled.
Lando grabbed his phone from the table and you could see him add you to the chat, seconds later the photo got sent into it.
Both of you went back to the lounge, where you wanted to tan a little, first you both laid there, enjoying the silence, but soon you started talking about random things. You liked how you could talk to Lando about normal stuff, which cheese is better or what milk you needed to try, it made things feel very normal.
You spend several hours talking and getting to know the family and Lando, after all, it has only been a week and a half since you met. But before you knew it, it was time for dinner. The chef handed out a menu card again and you began to read through the dishes.
”Do you know what you are choosing, love?“, Lando whispered.
You shook your head. You were a picky eater, being scared to come across as rude, you didn’t want to mix up the dishes and change the sides but none of the listet items were your favorites.
”I‘m picky with food, I have no idea if I even like any of this.“
Lando stared at you. Shit, did you do something wrong? You knew that this was a no-go, being picky over this clearly expensive menu that everybody seemed to like. This was going to be the moment they all hated you.
”You’re literally perfect.“
You could barely hear him say it, it was almost as if he said it to himself. You turned your head to Lando and looked at him.
”What?“
”I‘m going to marry you, I found my picky eater.“
Now you didn’t understand a thing.
”I‘m a picky eater too! I hate all of these. I‘m going to order some chips and chicken. My parents requested it specifically for me, but you can have it too. I always feel like a little kid, but now I have you, and I’ll never feel that way again.“
You felt relieved, he didn’t hate you, nor did you have to pack your things and go. He was just like you, he was truly your soulmate.
”I would like some chicken and chips.“
His eyes started to sparkle and he pressed a quick kiss on your lips. You immediately blushed, affection wasn’t something you thought he would do in front of his family, but he truly didn’t care.
Dinner was delicious and nobody questioned you, but now it was late and time for bed. All of you were exhausted, after all, you had to get up early and you‘ve been on your feet all day. So after saying goodnight to everyone, Lando and you went into your bedroom and changed into your sleepwear. Laying down on the bed was the best feeling you felt that day. Lando cuddled close to you, kissed your nose, and then kissed you on your mouth.
”Goodnight love.“
”Night Lan.“
Before you could do anything else, both of you fell asleep.
The next morning you woke up because Lando tickled you on your sides.
”No Lando! Stop it, I‘m going to kick you if you don’t stop.“
You tried to get out in between giggles and screams. But he didn’t listen, instead, he tickled you harder and pinned you on the mattress. Out of reflex, you started kicking around with your feet and after a few seconds, Lando fell to the side with a groan, holding his private area. Oops. It wasn’t that you wanted to hurt him, but at least he stopped tickling you now. You sat up and looked at him.
”Babe, oh my god, I‘m so sorry!“
”I don’t think that I can have kids anymore.“
He was whispering as if he was on his deathbed.
”Don’t be a drama queen. Do I need to kiss it better?“
His eyes lit up, ”Yes please.“
You shook your head while giggling and bent down, to press a kiss on his boxer-covered dick.
”I don’t think it worked, you need to do it without the clothing.“
”In your dreams Norris. I‘m not giving you a blowjob if your family is next door.“
”C’mon Y/N, don’t be a party pooper.“
”Lando, No.“
”Y/N, yes!“
”Lando, I‘m no-“
He leaned over you and kissed you passionately. Tongues were fighting, salvia was exchanged and filthy sounds were created. God this guy could make you wet in seconds. Speaking of wet, his hand made its way into your panty. He gently wiped his index finger through your folds, while you whimpered at the sensation. His kisses went to your neck and you moaned quietly.
”Fuck baby, you’re so wet. Is that all for me?“
You‘ve never nodded your head as fast as at this question. Lando sucked a little on your neck, trying not to create a purple mark. With slow movements, he pushed his index and middle finger into your sweet cunt.
”Lando I‘-“
”No baby, let me make you feel good.“
”Not with your fami-“
He shushed you and kissed you again. Swiping his tongue over your lower lip to ask for entrance. With a little fight, he won the battle and you thought about giving in. How could you not, with his fingers buried deep inside of you, pleasuring you with easy moves. His thumb moved over your clit and your body jolted upwards into his chest. You moaned quietly and bit your lip. How long could you keep quiet when he was making you feel so good? He flickered your clit continuously until he noticed how your walls contracted around his fingers, which were still pumping in and out, and your breathing got heavier.
”Are you close babygirl?“
You could only nod and before you could say anything else, you put your hand over your mouth to try and suppress your moans as Lando made you finish. When you came back down, a smiling Lando looked into your eyes and pressed a kiss on your forehead. He took out his fingers of your pussy and looked at the glistening juices before licking them off. Fuck, he was attractive.
”Good morning by the way.“
He snuggled closer to you and laid his head on your chest. You could feel his hard-on on your legs, what now? He didn’t make any signs that he wanted you to do anything, but you also couldn’t leave him like this.
”Lando, let me help you.“
”It’s okay baby.“
”No!“
You nudged him until he gave in, rolling on his back and you could already see the bulge that stood in his boxers.
”I see someone is excited.“
”How could I not?“
You chuckled and sat directly on his crotch with your heat.
”You’re killing me, babe.“
You leaned down and kissed him, circling your hips to create friction for him. With one last kiss on his nose, you sat up and went with your hand in his boxers, cupping his erection. He let out a surprised moan and you started moving your hand up and down, after spitting on them, to moisturize them. After a few pumps, you let your thumb brush over his head and he almost lost it. He was a mess underneath you, moving, moaning, and whispering your name.
”Cum for me, pretty boy.“
With a moan, that you tried to quieten with your hand, he came all over your other hand and in his boxers.
”Fuck baby, you have magic hands.“
That made you laugh while you got up and pulled out a handkerchief from your purse and cleaned your hand.
”You should change into some new boxers if you ask me.“
You said after laying down again.
”I will.“
He sat up and stretched his arms above his head. Quickly he slipped into a fresh boxershort and went into the bathroom to get a wet piece of toilet paper. He pulled your panty to the side and gently wiped your juices off, that were smeared around your pussy. The cold material felt arousing on your hot vagina and you couldn’t believe this made you excited again.
He jumped into the bed and laid his head on your chest again. Shortly after you heard a small knock on your door and Lando got up and unlocked the door. He must‘ve locked it when you went to bed yesterday, you were glad he did. Otherwise, someone could’ve caught you earlier.
Lando opened the door and there stood little Mila with a stuffie in one hand and a pacifier in the other.
”What are you doing here Sunshine?“
Lando went into full uncle mode and it was the sweetest thing ever. The day before he already was the best uncle, swimming with Mila in his arms through the water and cuddling with her on the sun lounge.
”Lan.“
”That’s me, sweets.“
He crouched down and opened his arm, which Mila ran into. Same girl. Who wouldn’t?
”You want to stay with me and Y/N?“
Mila nodded and he carried her over to the bed. Thank god she had such a good timing, a few minutes earlier and you two would have had a problem. Lando laid down with her, she crawled in between you two and put her pacifier in her mouth while squeezing her stuffie bunny closer to her. You turned to lay on your side while raising your hand to tickle her belly slightly. Giggles erupted and you were sure they could be heard through the whole yacht.
”Is that funny Mila?“
You let go of her and she touched Lando’s beard that he grew.
”Does that feel weird?“
She babbled something you both didn’t understand, but Lando played along and he babbled back. God was he the cutest with kids. Mila was a clingy girl, you noticed after she threw herself at you and clung to your neck for the next twenty minutes. When Oliver came into your room he took her off you and went upstairs with her, you could finally breathe again. It wasn’t like you were scared of her, but she was still a new baby to you and you were scared to upset her somehow.
”You were great with her, you know.“
”Thank you, Lan.“
You both got dressed and headed upstairs as well, where a big breakfast table waited for you with almost all family members sitting around. Within the next few minutes, Flo, Cis, and their boyfriends arrived and you could start with breakfast. You had a lot to choose from, but you still got your favorite breakfast while having an amazing view over the ocean.
”You know Y/N, you’re great company.“
Savannah suddenly said.
”Oh uhm, thank you! I‘ve been enjoying spending time with you guys as well. It’s so peaceful.“
”No really, you’re just you, and you’re not on your phone the whole time, as other girlfriends of Lando have been.“
”Sav!“, Lando stopped her from talking more about his past relationships.
”Lando, it’s true! Remember Luisa? She was dying to get that perfect insta pic the whole time, it was annoying after just one day.“
She could see you were getting uncomfortable. You didn’t know this Luisa, so you didn’t want to say anything bad about her.
”Oh I’m sorry, it’s probably not the best topic to talk about.“
”No don’t worry, but it’s great to know that you don’t find me annoying.“
”Are you kidding? I don’t think that many people would’ve cuddled with Mila after just getting to know her.“
You blushed and looked at Lando, who stared at you. That made you blush even more.
”Anyway, we need to walk the dogs, is there anything you need from the mainland?“
”Oliver, can Y/N and I walk the dogs? I want to show her the city a little.“
”Sure! As long as you bring some sunscreen, we’ve forgotten to pack some.“
Lando and you nodded and got up to get ready. It was only 11:00 am but it was boiling hot already, you hopped into your comfy summer outfit, and Lando and you made your way to where Oliver was waiting with the dogs who were already on the leash. Lando grabbed Uno’s and you were handed Mochas, the little Cockapoo smiled up at you, and his tail was waggled from one side to the other. Lando and you both walked down the ramp that would take you to the land and the dogs began to sniff everything. Lando waved his fingers with yours and you two enjoyed the little stroll through the city. He‘s been here several times, so he showed you a little around, the town was truly beautiful. He even pulled out his phone and took a few pictures of you and the dogs, to document you struggling while holding two hyperactive dogs on their leashes. In between you hopped in a shop to get the sunscreen Oliver asked for and a few little somethings, just as a little stuffed fox for Mila, as she’s addicted to her stuffies.
You two returned to the yacht after the dogs did their business, still holding hands and as soon as you settled on the lounger, Lando was clinging to you. His head placed on your belly and his arms wrapped around your torso, your hands were combing through his curls and you two were enjoying the peace and the sound of the waves clashing against the boat, as you were sailing through the Adriatic Sea.
All you did that day was swim in the sea, tanning on the boat, play with Mila, and cuddling with Lando. In between you had lunch and dinner, drinks, and conversation with his whole Family.
When it was time for bed, you got ready, doing your skincare in the bathroom while Lando was chilling on the bed, waiting for you. He was talking to Max Fewtrell over the phone, you couldn’t really understand what he was saying but he was laughing a lot. While applying the last cream you were listening in, it wasn’t like you were eavesdropping, he was talking really loudly and it was nearly impossible to not listen to what he was saying.
”I‘m excited Maximilian.“
”No, you know I have her with me here.“
”She matters more to me, otherwise I wouldn’t have taken her with me on vacation.“
”Can you please stop? I won’t need her here.“
”I don’t even like her anymore.“
”I don’t care that she‘s a friend of your girlfriends mate.“
”Anyway, I’ll see you without anyone tomorrow.“
After listening to that, you came back into the bedroom to see him throwing his phone on the duvet next to him and he was rubbing his face with his hands.
”What was that about Lan?“
”Oh it’s nothing, Max will join us the day after tomorrow.“
”Oh fun! But does he fit on here? We do not have any more bedrooms.“
”My parents are leaving with the kids and the dogs, he can sleep in their bedroom.“
”What? Why are they leaving? I like their company. But you sounded agitated, is really everything alright?“
”They want us to have a little party as well, Dad has stuff to do in England anyway. And we just had a little fight, don’t worry babe. But come here, I wanna cuddle.“
With a smile, you threw yourself next to him and he immediately attached himself to you.
”You’re clingy, but I love it.“
He chuckled and enjoyed the head scratches he got. Quickly after that, you both fell asleep.
The next morning started with an excited Lando, he was up early and shaking you awake. Why would he do that?
”Y/N! Come on, wake up! We‘re going to ride jet skis. The guy who’s going to bring them will arrive in a second.“
He was a little child, you were sure. You didn’t move, so Lando positioned himself on top of you and started to plant kisses on your face, wherever he could reach, he would kiss. Your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, your chin, and ending with a big smooch on your lips.
”Are you awake now? Come on Y/N!“
”Lando, we don’t need to be there when they arrive, I‘m sure someone from your family is waiting.“
”Oliver is waiting with the other boys.“
”See, you can also go if you want, I’ll come soon, but give me a second to wake up.“
”Are you sure?“
”Of course! Go! I‘ll join soon, let me get ready.“
With a little skip in his step, Lando went upstairs and you stretched your arms, slowly waking up fully and getting ready. You met Cisca in the hallway, she was lovely.
”How are you, my dear?“
”I‘m good, Lando is excited for the jetskis, so I got woken up by a bouncing Lando. How did you sleep?“
You two chuckled.
”Sometimes he‘s like that, but I slept good, thank you. I hope to see you around more after the vacation.“
”I‘m sure, but I heard you’re leaving today?“
”Yes, Adam has some things to do in England and we want you kids to have a party vacation as well, we’re taking the small kids and the dogs home with us.“
”I enjoyed staying with you, thank you for welcoming me to your family.“
”Darling, we loved having you, Lando, and you really are soulmates, the way he behaves around you, I’ve never seen him like that. Normally he tries to act all cool and grown up in front of girls, but with you, he was himself, playing with Mila, screaming because Oliver pushed him in the water, he only does it when he feels at home. I‘m really happy he found someone where he can be his true self. And I know that you only know each other for a rather short period of time, but I hope he‘ll keep you around. You’re a good girl.“
With a red head, you hugged Cisca tight, she was truly the perfect mother. Lando told you a lot about his family and always highlighted the relationship he had with his mother.
”Anyway, let’s get going, I want to see their faces when they get on the jetskis.“
Both of you made their way upstairs to see Lando and the others saying their goodbyes to the renting guy, as soon as Lando saw you, his eyes lit up and he stretched out his hand towards you. You took it and the shirtless Lando pulled you in a tight hug, where he placed his head on top of yours, swaying side to side. Your hands slightly scratched his back, which you learned, he loved.
”Are you gonna join me for a ride?“
”Only if you drive safely, you promised my parents to keep me alive.“
”Driving is my job, don’t worry baby.“
”But not on water!“
”Don’t be scared, it’s going to be fun.“
He pressed a kiss on top of your head and you both pulled a lifesaving vest over your swimwear, the rest copying you both. Lando was a bit crazy and rented four jet skis, so everyone could go for a ride at the same time.
Lando sat down on one and held out his hand, for you to take and join him on the jet ski. You placed your bum behind him and crossed your fingers in front of his abs, which you caressed with your thumbs, and pressed your head in his back for support.
”You’re not gonna die Y/N.“
For that comment, you slightly tickled Lando, and he turned the machine on.
”Ready?“
”I think so.“
And he sped off with what felt like a hundred miles per hour. The only thing that could be heard was the splashing from the water and your screaming, after a few turns and a heart attack, Lando stopped the vehicle.
”You having fun back there?“
”Mostly.“
”You wanna ride it?“
”No?“
”Come on!“
Before you could tell him no one more time, he stood up and you clasped his belly, you were scared he was going to fall in the water.
”Slide forward, and I‘ll hold you, you can’t fall in the water and whenever you panic, I‘m there to control it.“
”You promise?“
”I do.“
You slid forward and waited for Lando to settle behind you after you let go of him. He touched your sides and caressed them, just like you did on his abs, he was a sweetheart.
”This handle is to accelerate, and if you want to brake, you have to release it, or turn to the side. Got it?“
You nodded and slowly pushed the accelerator forward. The jet ski moved and you got the grove after a few minutes. Before you could get comfortable, Cisca was hollering for you to get back to the boat, it was time for brunch. And since you went out for brunch today, to eat nicely before Adam and Cisca left, you went and changed into something other than a bikini.
The town was filled with people and Lando and you kept a safe distance, after a few Instagram stories it was known that Lando Norris was in town and a lot of people were circling the docks to catch a glimpse of him. So you walked next to his sisters to make it seem like you were their friend, not the best solution, but you wanted the situationship to be something that only certain people knew of.
When you found the perfect restaurant, you all ordered your favorite dish and talked while waiting for the waiters to bring it.
Lando sat next to you and under the table he had his hand on your thigh, stroking the delicate skin slightly. You’re not gonna lie, it made you a bit excited, but the fact that you were sitting with his family, cooled you down.
The food came and it was absolutely delicious, all of you regretted not coming earlier to this place, and only discovered it on Lando’s parents' last day. After a sweet stroll through the small streets, it was time to return to the boat, Adam and Cisca had to pack the rest of their belongings and drive to the airport. And that’s what they did, they packed their stuff and said goodbye. You were sad when Adam and Cisca hugged you, you really enjoyed getting to know them.
”Y/N, you have to promise to visit us soon, you’re a lovely girl, if Lando doesn’t keep you, he‘s an idiot.“
”Thank you Cisca, I will.“
With one arm around your waist, Lando and the rest of you waved until the taxi drove off.
”Let’s get to partying!“, an exciting Oliver screamed.
The rest of the day was spent drinking, swimming, and cuddling with Lando. In the evening you went back to the restaurant you found this morning, to eat dinner.
When everyone was in their bedrooms, Lando and you sneaked upstairs to the top deck, where a big lounge area was built. Lando sat down and you straddled his lap, bringing your arms behind his neck, his hands settled on your hips, slowly caressing them.
”I‘m really happy you came with us here, I told you everyone will love you.“
”You did.“
”I think I deserve a kiss for that.“
”For you being right?“
”Yes!“
”You think so?“
”Obviously.“
With a smirk, you slowly bend down, until your lips almost touched.
”I don’t think so.“
And with that you sat back up again, giggling.
”You little menace.“
He started to tickle you and with a loud laugh, you jumped off of his lap and landed next to him. He tried to kiss you after laying himself on top of him, but you could only laugh because he kept tickling you.
”Missy, don’t deny kisses from your.. uhm.. from me!“
You noticed his little slip-up and wondered what he wanted to say, was it boyfriend or something else? You decided not to say anything about it, he was clearly embarrassed, judging by his red cheeks.
”I‘ll kiss you, but only if you stop tickling me.“
”Deal.“
And with that, he leaned down and pressed his lips on yours several times, with each kiss it got filthier, the sounds got louder and the atmosphere got sexier. Slowly but surely, Lando pulled on your top, signaling you to remove it.
”Lando, no! Not up here, everyone can hear and see us.“
With a swift move his hand was in your pants, his pointer finger dipped between your pussy lips.
”Are you sure it’s not turning you on? You’re pretty wet darling.“
Dammit. This guy.
”But only if you keep quiet and we hurry.“
”Will do, Boss.“
With a slap to his shoulder, both of you sat up and removed your shirts and pants, only in underwear you sat on the lounger and kissed again, it was filthy, it sounded like you were in some porn.
You pushed Lando down onto the lounger and sat with your heat on his dick, moving slightly to grind on him.
”If you do that, I‘ll cum in my pants.“
”We wouldn’t want that, would we?“
”Missy, behave.“
”I am!“
Before you could say anything else, Lando switched positions, now he was on top of you. And he didn’t hold back, he inserted two fingers in you, pumping them in and out, you arched your back, the sensation felt way too good.
”Are you ready? I‘m way too horny right now.“
”Yes, please Lando.“
”You’re begging now?“
”Yes.“
”I can’t deny you like that, huh?“
You only shook your head and looked at him with puppy eyes.
You removed your underwear and he removed his. His dick was big and hard, just how you liked it, you gave it a few pumps before leading it to your entrance. Lando pushed it in you and you tried not to moan too loudly. With some drags of his hips, that met yours, you were almost there, the risk of getting caught made you way more excited than you thought it would, and Lando wasn’t any different, you could feel him twitching inside of you. The pleasure making you feel lightheaded. Every few seconds, Lando pressed little kisses on your lips, trying to be closer to you than he already was.
”Baby, I‘m cumming.“
And with that, Lando shot his white liquid inside of you, which pushed you over the edge as well and both of you were a panting moaning mess. This will probably never get old, the pleasure Lando could provide you with was amazing. You were enjoying the peace while still being entangled within each other.
”Should we get dressed and go into our bedroom?“
”I think so, it’s slowly uncomfortable laying butt naked.“
”But I like your butt“, and he smacked your ass with his hand.
You chuckled and got up, pulling your clothes back on to cover up, with quiet steps, you both went down the staircases leading to the bedrooms. When you laid on the bed, Lando whispered something in your ear, that had you clenching your thighs all over again.
”I haven’t fucked you against the windows yet.“
The next day came quickly. All you wanted was to stay in bed but Lando had other plans, Max was to arrive at 8:30 am so he wanted to get up. You got that, but staying in bed with him sounded better and you didn’t want to sound rude and stay in bed, so you got up with him. You put on a bikini and threw a summer dress over it, so you didn’t walk around in just a bikini all day. Lando didn’t want you to put on make-up, but it was way too warm for it anyway, so you didn’t put any on. You wanted to give your skin a break from the products you tortured it every day in your normal life.
Lando and you waited on the lounger and enjoyed the already warm sun. Both were cuddling the other and sharing light kisses every now and then. You already missed Cisca, Adam, the kids, and the dogs but you were ready for some more party-like vacation, you also couldn’t wait to meet Max. Lando has told you a lot about him when he came to your flat and you two cooked together. After waiting for five minutes, you heard a suitcase roll on the concrete, Lando and you got up to welcome Max when Lando stopped in his walking and froze.
”Lan, what is it?“
He was blocking your view so you couldn’t see what was happening.
”What are you doing here?“
You pushed Lando a little to the side so you could see who he was talking to. Two tall, brown-haired women stood next to Max, who were these women?
”Lando I told you she was visiting us and we couldn’t leave her home.“
”And I told you, that I didn’t want to see her. I told you to come alone.“
”Mate, come on, you can’t say that. We planned that Pietra could come and I’m sorry but Luisa just joined.“
Oh, this was the ex Lando wasn’t comfortable to talk about. You immediately felt self-conscious, she was gorgeous, she had long legs and she was skinny. As if you had taken her out of a magazine and placed her here. You could see that she was eyeing you up and down, clearly annoyed that another woman was standing next to Lando.
”Max, can we talk in private please?“
With that Lando and Max went inside the yacht and you were left alone with the two girls.
”So you’re the new sidekick from Lando?“
”Excuse me?“
”You know, the new fuck-friend.“
”I‘m sorry, who are you again?“
”I‘m Luisa. His ex.“
”I don’t think you have any right to judge him.“
”Darling, you look so young and inexperienced, do you think that is something Lando wants?“
”I have a reasonable age, thank you. And I don’t think it’s any of your business.“
Suddenly you felt very small, you wanted to disappear and go home, she made this place feel like hell.
”You know, when Lando was with me, he always told me how he loved to have someone as skinny and tall as I am, you look like you enjoyed the food a bit too much on here, I know what the Norris’ are like on their holiday, I‘ve been with them twice, they go all out but trust me, a salad next time won’t hurt. And you’re not wearing any makeup? Lando hated it when I didn’t do that.“
The tears were prickling in your eyes.
”Lando hasn’t said anything, and as long as he’s happy, I‘m happy too. I don’t know what you want to achieve here but you don’t need to talk so badly about me.“
”Because he‘s a gentleman and wouldn’t comment on your weight and ugliness.“
”Lu, that’s enough“, the other woman told Luisa.
”P, she should know what he‘s like, no?“
”He‘s wonderful to me.“
”For now, he broke up with me because I was too boring for him, his words.“
You shook your head, not believing her. She was the topic two days ago during dinner, later on in bed, you asked Lando why they broke up, and he told you that she was a bit unfaithful to him and she didn’t want the same things as he did. He wanted to slowly settle down, but she was all over the clubs and flirting with other guys.
He didn’t seem like he was lying to you, but she was.
”Look Luisa, respectfully, I don’t want to continue this conversation.“
You turned around and went into the yacht, while walking down the stairs you heard Lando and Max talking.
”Look, this is gonna complicate things, I like Y/N, and I don’t know why Luisa should be here. She‘ll only do damage.“
”Let’s wait and see how things develop, don’t be a pussy. Let’s have a good time and you won’t notice her.“
”Fine, but one strike and she‘s out.“
You heard that they started walking to the stairs and you panicked, what should you do? If you stay on the stairs and walk to the bedroom as you planned, it‘ll look like you eavesdropped on their conversation, but if you turn around and go back to Luisa and Pietra, it‘ll be even worse. Before you could do anything, you saw Lando and Max appear in front of you.
”Oh hi, I‘m Y/N, you must be Max, I‘ve heard so much about you!“
Great, act like it was planned that you wanted to see them.
”Hey, I‘m Max, nice to meet you.“
You stepped the last steps down the stairs and hugged Max, rubbing his back quickly. When he pulled away you looked at Lando.
”Are you okay? Are the girls nice to you?“
What were you going to do? Act like all was well or tell the truth, in the end, you didn’t want to ruin the day, maybe it was just starting difficulties, so you went with option one.
”Yes, I am, they‘re nice, I.. uhm wanted to go and charge my phone, I need to call my parents anyway.“
”Are you sure? I plucked your phone in last night, it should be fully charged.“
Dammit Lando.
”Well, yeah… I still need to call my parents, so you start without me, the others aren’t awake yet anyway.“
You quickly kissed his cheek, smiled at Max, and went into the bedroom, where you sat down with a sigh, you hoped Lando believed your little story.
How could you survive the rest of the week with this monster upstairs? You didn’t want to hide your affection towards Lando just because she could say something, you didn’t want to stay in the room the whole time just so she couldn’t eye you. Lando did say, after one strike, she was out, but Lando was probably the nicest person you met, would he actually kick her out? The friend of his best friend's girlfriend?
But what if what she said was actually true? Should you maybe skip the chips and eat the salad she told you about, maybe you should work out again, you haven’t done that in the last week. And not wearing any makeup? Lando did tell you to skip it and enjoy the sun on your bare face but what if he just said that, so you would get a better tan? Before you knew it, a tear trickled down your cheek and you quickly wiped it away. You didn’t want her to ruin your vacation, but Lando was with her for a year, her character couldn’t be so ugly if he held it out for so long.
With one last deep breath, you got up and went upstairs to see where the others were, Cis and her boyfriend joined them and you looked for Lando but couldn’t find him, so you sat down next to Cis and greeted her. After a second glance around the group, you saw that Luisa was also missing. Mh, that didn’t seem to be a good thing.
So you turned to Cis and asked: ”Have you seen Lando?“
”Oh, he went to talk with Luisa.“
What?
”Thank you.“
Now what? You obviously wanted to go look for him and see what she was doing, you trusted Lando but you did not trust her, especially after all the things she said to you just thirty minutes ago. You had to go and find them, so you got up and walked to the other side of the boat where you saw them from a distance and stopped walking so they didn’t see you but you could hear them.
She was touching his arm and he was clearly uncomfortable.
”Please, don’t make this trip a living hell.“
”Lando, I know you still like me, otherwise you wouldn’t have texted me last week.“
Last week? That was when you had met and he asked you on this trip, was he saying all these sweet things to you just so he could have some fun with you?
”Luisa, I didn’t mean any of the words I wrote, I was drunk and..“
”Drunk words, sober thoughts Lando. Do I need to remind you what you wrote?“
”No!“
”Are you sure? Because I still think of you sometimes too.“
Her posture shifted and now she also had her other hand on his chest, getting closer to him.
”You can’t tell Y/N! I truly like her, you‘ll only ruin it, I know.“
”Me telling her? Lando, she‘s not in your league, you‘ll drop her sooner or later.“
”No, I like her the way she is.“
”You’re only fooling yourself.“
Why is he not telling her to stop touching him? What if it was true and he was actually still thinking about her, while he was with you, even if he told you she means nothing to him anymore. The more seconds that passed, the closer she got to his face and before you saw anything that you didn’t want to see, you turned away and ran off. When reaching the others you slowed down, to not seem like you were crazy.
”Did you find Lando, Y/N?“
You only shook your head and smiled at Cis, while sitting down next to her again. You didn’t even want to know what happened back there when you left, did they kiss? You hoped not.
The rest of the group was chatting and laughing, while you were gone, Savannah, Oliver, Flo and her boyfriend joined the rest and you greeted them with a small ’good morning‘, but you weren’t really in the mood to talk. You were slowly doubting this whole thing, what if Luisa was right and Lando only wanted some fun and did not get settled, you didn’t want to get married tomorrow but maybe get in a relationship sometime soon. Was it the right decision to go on a holiday with a stranger and his family?
Every now and then Cis nudged you a little and asked what was wrong but you reassured her that you were tired, she didn’t need to know your doubts.
After a while Lando and Luisa returned, Lando was looking rather pissed and Luisa had a smug smile on her face. You definitely did not want to know what happened, judging from her face she got what she wanted. Lando threw himself on the couch opposite of you, and then patted his legs while looking at you, indicating that he wanted you to come and sit on his lap.
You shook your head and looked at the ocean again, you didn’t want to give Luisa something that she could ruin for you again.
Lando gave you a questioning look and nodded towards his lap again, desperate for you to sit there.
”Y/N, go and sit on Lando’s lap, I can’t stand to see him like that.“
You knew Max meant it as a joke, but it only made you feel smaller, now Luisa was looking at you with disgust and a grin on her face.
”I need to go to the toilet.“
With the lame excuse, you went into the lowest deck and sat on your shared bed, with a sigh you grabbed your phone and started to text your best friend about the doubts you were having, but Lando came into the room before you could finish your text.
”What’s wrong?“
”Nothing.“
”You can tell that to my sister, but not to me, seriously Y/N, what is your problem? Why are you acting so weird in front of my friends?“
”Oh you mean your ex-girlfriend?“
”I didn’t want her to be here.“
”I know.“
”So what is your problem?“
”I don’t feel comfortable with her around.“
”Me neither, but what am I supposed to do?“
”I don’t know, stay with me? You left me alone with her and Pietra while you talked to Max, you left with HER to talk somewhere where no one would see you, while I was clearly upset sitting here.“
”You said you were fine!“
Lando was getting frustrated.
”When a woman tells you, she is fine, she probably isn’t fine, that’s something you should know with two sisters.“
”Y/N, don’t cause a scene now, you’re being ridiculous.“
”If that is what you think I am, then I think it’s time for me to go home.“
”Because of me not checking on you, when I asked you two times if you were fine?“
”It’s not just that, I can’t live with that monster upstairs, she made me almost cry, Lando.“
”She‘s not that cruel.“
”She is, she told me how I am just a quick fuck for you, how fat and ugly I am, that I needed to start eating salads instead of my normal dinner.“
Lando was stunned, he never expected her to say these things, especially because they weren’t true, he thought you were the prettiest person on the planet.
”Did she kiss you?“
”What?“
”Did she ki-“
”No!“
”But she was leaning in towards you, I saw it!“
”How?“
”When you were missing from the group I looked for you, I found you two very touchy talking on the other side of the boat. She was leaning to kiss you and before I could see something I didn’t wanna see, I ran off.“
”She tried, yeah, but I pushed her off as soon as I felt her lips on mine.“
”So she did kiss you.“
”What’s your point of this? Showing me how bad I am?“
”No! I want you to be honest with me.“
”Why? You are not my girlfriend yet, calm down, it’s not like I made out with her. I told you I pushed her away as soon as I felt it. What is your problem?“
”I don’t have a problem with you, but with her. We’re not together and she is treating me like I’m the reason you guys broke up. I can’t do that.“
”Don’t listen to her then.“
”Sure, if someone tells you how bad you’re at driving and how you‘ll never win, you don’t listen.“
”I listen, that only makes me work harder, and that people like that have no idea.“
”Maybe that’s how you react, but not me Lando, I’m fragile, and I listen to this shit, and it hurts me.“
”But she’s this stupid girl that means nothing to me, she should mean nothing to you. Isn’t it important what we feel? I feel a lot for you, I love how you look, I love who you are, she’s just bullshitting.“
”She did mean a lot to you at some point in your life, she knows you better than me, there’s no denying it. You were together with her for a year, and you knew her before that. We’ve only knowing each other for a week.“
”Maybe, but now she means nothing to me anymore, you mean a lot to me, you, not her. I don’t care how long I’ve known you.“
”But I can’t live with her for the rest of the week, she‘s this.. this mean girl who tries to ruin what we have, and to know she already tried to kiss you, I just can’t do it, Lando.“
”I can’t tell her to leave, Max will be pissed because Pietra will be pissed and I can’t do it.“
”We’re going around in circles.“
”Just get over it, ignore her and that’s it.“
”You… you’re telling me to get over it?“
”Yes! Ignore her and we have a nice week.“
”And what about the text about still thinking of her, you sent last week?“
Lando was clearly stunned as he didn’t reply.
”I heard that, Lando, you didn’t deny it. You sent her a text, telling her how much you missed her while telling me the same shit, while we were already fucking?“
”No, it’s not like that, I uhm…“
”You see? You have nothing to say, just own it, Lando, tell me you texted her.“
”I did, but only because I was super drunk and Max was going on about how we were made for each other, which is bullshit. He talked me into believing she was a better person than she is.“
”You know Lando, maybe this was too fast, maybe we thought we had a connection that actually wasn’t there. We imagined this world where we could be something, but I just think we’re not right for the other. And you being drunk does not excuse you for texting her, own it, if you feel nothing for me, you should’ve told me earlier, you should’ve told me before I went with you and your family on this stupid trip.“
You stood up, now facing Lando and trying to hold back your tears that were threatening to spill. Before you could move away, Lando hugged you tight, squeezing you into him, and even though you tried to wiggle out of his grip, you couldn’t.
”No! Lando, let me be sad and angry at you.“
”No, nops, not today. Look at me, baby.“
You lifted your head and looked into his eyes, gently, he wiped the tears off your cheeks and kissed your nose softly.
”We will not fight because of her. We will go up there, you‘ll sit on my lap, and we‘ll smile at her. Just smile. Because you’re mine and she’s not anymore and never will be again.“
”I don’t want to see her.“
”I‘m sorry baby, I‘ll talk to Max tonight, I’ll see what I can do, okay?“
You nodded and squeezed him a bit tighter.
”I like you, a lot. Don’t listen to her.“
”I like you a lot too, but you have to promise me, to not text her again.“
”Don’t worry, the next day, after she replied, I deleted her number and the conversation, so I can’t even reach her anymore, not that I want to. She‘ll never be in my head ever again, I have you and Max will see that I don’t need her in my life.“
You shared a kiss and enjoyed each other's company, before heading up again to join the others. Lando sat down, pulled you on his lap, and crossed his arms in front of you. Everyone looked at you and you felt Luisa’s stare, it made you feel small and you snuggled more into Lando, now being with your back against his chest. It was almost like smoke was coming out of Luisa‘s ears, but you didn’t pay any attention to her, only focusing on Lando’s hands and the sweet words of affection he whispered in your ears.
The group was chatting the whole time, Lando and you were in your own little bubble, every now and then people would ask you something, or Lando would throw in certain comments, but the rest of the time, you were trying not to get Luisa’s presence get too close to you. When Oliver declared he needed a Cocktail and would mix some, everyone agreed and ordered their favorite, Luisa was trying hard to get Lando’s attention but he made sure to not give her any. He was chatting with you, with his family, with Max and Pietra but never with Luisa, and she was annoyed. Whenever you would look at her, she was glaring at him, trying to get him to talk to her, but he never did anything. After a few drinks, you were sitting at the bar and chatting with the girls (Pietra and Luisa excluded) and Lando came to you.
”I‘m gonna go and talk to Max and Pietra, I‘ll see what I can do.“
You nodded and kissed him quickly, looking after him as he went and tapped Max on his shoulder.
”You are so sweet together.“
”Oh thank you, Flo.“
”She‘s right, he‘s never been so.. himself. He‘s super clingy, even cuddles with me sometimes when he is home and feels lonely. Two years ago on Christmas, we were watching Home alone and he just came, hugged me, and cuddled close to me, some might say it’s weird that siblings cuddle like that, but he‘s such a clinger.“
”Cis, you know, he‘s been like that with me since the first meeting. I‘ve always wondered why, but now that you’re telling me that he‘s always like that.. makes me feel even more at home with him.“
”When do you think he‘s going to ask you to be his girlfriend?“
You scoffed.
”Don’t scoff! You’re acting like an old couple.“
”I‘m just enjoying it like it is right now, we‘ve only known each other for like two and a half weeks, I don’t wanna rush things.“
”I‘m sure it‘ll be soon.“
Before you could answer, you heard Luisa screaming, due to her being further away, you couldn’t understand what she was saying, but it didn’t sound too happy, and after ten minutes, an angry Luisa was stomping down the ramp towards a taxi. You looked at the girls and they didn’t know what to say either. Lando came to you with a big smile.
”She‘s gone! We‘ve talked to her and she left.“
You jumped off your seat and hugged Lando, being thankful that he actually did it and got her to leave.
”What did you say to her?“
”Just that she was evil and we don’t want to have her here.“
”You’re the best Lando.“
He grinned and gave you a kiss, hugging you tight as his life depended on it.
The rest of the vacation was spent in peace, you were partying, tanning, laughing and most importantly, you and Lando were happy.
Pietra and you actually got along, after Luisa left, she apologized a dozen times and you made up, both of you promised to meet up together when the boys were streaming and had no time for them.
But everything comes to an end, even the good things, so you sat at the airport waiting for your flight back home, Lando was sad that the summer break was over and the vacation too. He loved having you meet his family and getting along so well. When they announced that boarding started and all of you waited in the line, Lando turned to you, to ask a question.
”Do you want to come to a race with me?“
————————————————————————
It took you a few tries to finally join Lando for a race, you tried to come to Zandvoort, failed because of your work that you couldn’t skip, the next race was Monza, your friend's birthday was scheduled on Saturday evening and you agreed to come a month before knowing Lando. The whole time you were texting, sexting, and calling, you always wanted to be close but due to his tight schedule and your also consuming work plan, it was nearly impossible to see each other.
So when you could take some time off to come to Singapore, Lando was over the moon. When you told him over FaceTime, he was not able to get rid of his smile, but neither were you. Together you flew to Singapore and if you hadn’t had to shut up during the night, you would’ve talked over the whole time you were in the air.
Friday was fun, seeing what Lando loved doing the most, made your heart full. Fp1 and Fp2 showed some good potential and Lando was able to collect much-needed data.
Saturday was qualifying day and you were nervous, sure it was nerve-wracking to see your favorite driver trying to get a good lap in, but seeing it in real life and knowing the person as well as you do, it’s something else. Lando wasn’t too happy with P4 but he tried to cover it up as best as he could. He wanted to focus on Sunday and do his best.
And his best he did. The P2 made you jump up and down, hugging Adam tightly, who was also there. Together with the team, that you‘ve gotten to know over the weekend, you waited for him in parc fermé behind the barrier. When he saw you, his eyes lit up and he hugged you tight, overwhelmed with emotions.
Later when you two were in the hotel, sharing a bed, Lando had an important question.
”Will you be my girlfriend?“
The end
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satoruhour · 11 months
Note
the racer toji smut won’t leave me alone so here is my additional brainrot bc my sister in christ we must suffer together <3
what about fem!reader who’s bf is a total ass bc he dragged her to the races but ignores her for the whole night bc he’s too busy showing off to the other guys and makes fun of her for not knowing shit about cars. she went to support him but he’s being so shitty and she goes to sulk alone near some quiet part.
a little boy comes to join her and he introduces himself as megumi, he hates crowds and loud noises so he sits with reader for a while, until his daddy comes along and his daddy is hot. toji introduces himself, asking what a pretty girl is doing alone in these parts and offers to show her his car but out from nowhere comes slimy bf who just embarrases himself trying to kiss toji’s ass and reader is like i need to break up with him
but ofc toji puts him in his place and tells him his gf is way out his league, and a real man would never leave his girl alone the entire night. it shuts him up fr and toji, megumi and reader leave to go check out some cars bc it’s nice to actually have someone tell you all about the cars instead of being made fun of for not knowing
the rest is obvs history bc megumi loves hanging out with reader and toji can’t keep his eyes off her. and vice versa hehe
a/n: jelly ur mind >>>>> also how did i write a whole FIC about this omfg im sick. i claim i dont like toji then write like this 💀💀 + can u tell how much i love making fun of incompetent men by the way i talk about reader’s shitty boyfriend cause youd be right. i hate men. ✶ / 2.2k
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the stuffy parking lot had been a routine place for you at this point, taking the familiar route past shibuya 109 and into miyamasu-zaka avenue. you’re not entirely pumped to be in the car beside your boyfriend right now, who’s talking loudly and obnoxiously into his phone, but that isn’t what is irking you right now. you’re more worried when you reach there, sure to come face to face with his equally obnoxious friends who just can’t shut up about their cars.
it would be fine if they were being cocky and could back up their modifications and NOS with proper results from racing, but they were all losers, both figuratively and literally. you sigh for the umpteenth time when daisuke asks if you cancelled the dinner with your friends because he was going to celebrate his ‘sure’ win and you stifle the urge to laugh. sometimes you wonder why you’re still here.
“we’re here babe, c’mon, get out. i’ll go park the car and come back to get you,” as daisuke tells you this, he’s patting your thigh like you’re a dog, smiling his stupid smile and your brows knit together.
“can’t you just drive to wherever you’re parking?”
“ahh… no can do, baby — my parking’s somehow better when you’re not stressin’ me out in the passenger seat.” what were you doing dating a man who couldn’t even park? you groan into your hands, picking up your bag and exiting the vehicle, making sure to slam the door extra hard even if you’ll be getting a lecture later about harming his ‘baby’.
he’s perfectly fine watching your tantrum and doesn’t say anything except for continuing to smile, driving off without a care as he looks for a parking spot. thankfully you could save your face a little, since you were still early to the meet, a minimal amount of people lingering around the abandoned parking lot in their miniskirts and tights and tramp stamps — a look you definitely would’ve loved to try out if not for your boyfriend telling you you can’t show off your legs.
it’s like he has some personal vendetta against you, but really you think it’s just because he saved you from an unfavourable situation before and while at the time you expressed mutual feelings for him, he just might be holding you hostage with that favour he did for you, unconsciously feeling terrible if you were to leave him.
a few minutes pass, and then ten, and you’re waiting for a full fifteen minutes against a wall, all the while the classic crowd of tokyo is trickling into the car park, cars driving in slowly and you’re dreading every time someone enters, sure that you’re being judged for being daisuke’s significant other. and when the waiting time finally hits twenty, you’re taking matters into your own hands and turning the corner where he drove.
just to see him conversing with his loser friends who were already somehow there, showing off their own cars which they spent money on for nothing and laughing up a storm. you lug your body over, because while you were still somehow okay with daisuke, you couldn’t stand his friends.
“babe! ah, my bad, should’ve texted you that the boys were already here and that i was with ’em,” his affection was limited to just a hand on your waist, not wanting to look like a softie in front of them, “we were just talking about our updated NOS, or ‘nitrous oxide system’ for my cute baby who couldn’t remember it the first time.”
all you can do is burn in embarrassment as they laughed, ridiculing you for the mistake you made ages ago about the terminology of street racing that sometimes you couldn’t exactly grasp. you did your best each time, sometimes googling things about racing that you wouldn’t know otherwise, but because it was still pretty illegal in japan, it was difficult to find the specific terms they used. but with how much your boyfriend teaches you (as condescending as it was), you probably could’ve written an essay.
and it wasn’t a one-time thing either, from smacking your hand off the stick shift to pestering you about closing the car door more gently, you’re soon to reach your limit.
“yeah, i know what a NOS is, bitch.” you mumble under your breath, turning away from him as he continued joking with his boys before one of them shouted out someone else’s name, hiroshi, you heard and they all pile over each other like excited dogs, seeing his new and improved Mitsubishi Eclipse, a bright, striking green and your boyfriend follows them easily.
throughout the different races of the evening and the excitement, you’re left chasing after your boyfriend who can’t help but sidle up to different racers and their cars, and the dreaded situation you hoped wouldn’t arise, did. daisuke loved asking you questions with confusing numbers and letters, and then laughed in your face when you picked the wrong option.
so when he asked you whether a L72 or a 327 small-block was better for his sorry excuse of a Camaro from 1981, you answered that you knew they had used 327s for Yenko Camaros, but without the knowledge they had discontinued it since it wasn’t optimal performance for the car. “yeah, no, darlin’, they already stopped it and switched to big-blocks after ’69… i thought i taught you this!”
with lips pressed tightly together, you find that you hardly want to be here any longer, body turning hot with shame and tears prickling at your eyes. you don’t chase after daisuke when he walks off and nudges hiroshi about your limited knowledge about cars, hands clenching and unclenching into fists before you’re tugged gently on your jacket sleeve.
in front of you is a young boy, playing with his fingers shyly with a head full of messy black hair and strong features that scrunch up into an anxious expression and you’re squatting and wondering what business a young boy like him had in scenes like this before he’s explaining how he hates the loud music and noises of metal against metal and the sound of tires.
you frown, understanding him immediately as you ask if you can hold his hand to which he nods, “what’s your name, sweetheart?”
“fushiguro… megumi,” he mumbles, flinching when there’s an erupt of cheers from the concluding race.
“oh, honey, let’s go,” you squeeze his hand in solidarity, “let’s sit far away from the action, okay? you like music?”
megumi sniffles a little and nods again, calming down the further he is from all the cars, sitting down on the curb in an area where there’s fewer racers, it being a deadend for the route. soon, you’re fishing out your earphones to insert into his ears, playing a few favourites of yours at a softer volume to drown out the noise of the cars. you’re content to find someone as clueless as you in this whole thing, even if the other was a child, and you almost want to chastise his parents for leaving him so vulnerable in a place like this when said parent is looking left and right, jogging while looking for his son.
“that’s my dad…” megumi mumbles with hope in his voice as the man starts to call out for him, expression morphed into worry from the moment he looked down from his car to find megumi gone. the boy’s hands you back your earphones with a slight smile and a ‘thank you’ before running off, and you’re lunging forward just to make sure he’s safe, running a little behind him while he navigates his father’s voice. it seems like he doesn’t have much care for the loud noises when his dad is finally in view because he speeds immediately into his arms before a tall man comes into view, and you’re blessed with seeing this hot-ass dad in a baggy long-sleeved top.
“hey… thank you for lookin’ out for the kid. i’m fushiguro toji,” toji nods towards you in acknowledgement, looking past your face after appreciating it before glancing down to your figure. “what’s a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?”
megumi who was propped up against his shoulder opts to cling to his father’s neck, hiding from the rest of the world while you walk slowly alongside the man, fingers thumbing the strap of your bag to keep your grounded. you were quick to explain that you were here because of your boyfriend, and you swear a glint of disappointment flashed in his eyes, but you don’t give it much thought because soon the man himself is running up to you with a renewed sense of confidence.
it was probably because toji was here; and sure, you knew about fushiguro toji and how much your boyfriend loved him, but you didn’t know how popular he could get, drawing countless pairs of eyes to your interaction. 
“hi! hi, fushiguro toji right?” and you’re already ready for the clownery to start when he opens his mouth, “i’m wakashita daisuke, big fan! any chance you’ll get back into racing?” daisuke is spouting so much shit you can’t even bear to look up but there’s one sentence that has got toji riled up, using just one hand to threaten your boyfriend who looks scared out of his mind. “you’d look so good with a Ford Mustang too, why don’t you sell off that old Corvette you’ve got—”
and soon toji is clutching onto the collar of his shirt, easily pulling him off the ground as the people surrounding you laugh and whoop. seems like you weren’t the only one who hated him.
“that Corvette means something to me, not like that piece of junk you call your Camaro. and at least i treat my car better than how you treat your girlfriend,” he spits the word like it’s venom, “who you can’t even respect as a person.”
daisuke is plopped onto the floor, but toji easily backs him up with a finger to his chest, “laughing like an idiot when she doesn’t know about engines and then saying you taught her — that would reflect your efforts as a teacher, wouldn’t it?” the man smirks when your boyfriend stutters out his answer, the crowd oooh-ing like it’s a free show.
“and then you leave her stranded for the whole night to hang with your boys, in a place where she’s uncomfortable and vulnerable. but you couldn’t give a shit, can’t you? you’re too busy sucking your friends’ cocks to notice.” there’s howls of laughter now (you can’t help but let out a giggle too) with how ruthless toji is being, all the while having a kid on his shoulder, but you imagine megumi is used to these types of altercations by now.
toji leans down to spit in his face, “you disrespect a woman in my eyes, you’re a joke to me.”
he just rolls your eyes, heading off from your stupid boyfriend and toji fully expects you to follow, beckoning you to go with him when you stay rooted. “c’mon, don’t mind him. he didn’t deserve you.” toji mutters, pressing a kiss to megumi’s temple as he leads you away from the scene silently, and you leap at the opportunity to thank him immediately.
“to be fair… i did all the research for my boyfriend,” toji interrupts with ex-, and you laugh, “yeah, ex-. but i’m not entirely opposed to learning about cars. they seem kinda cool.”
“is this your way of telling me you want me to teach you?” what’s a little flirting with a guy, anyway? even the other said it himself, daisuke didn’t deserve you. you nod with a sheepish smile, petting megumi’s head when he rouses from his dad’s shoulder, heart warming at how the young boy shoots you a gleaming smile.
toji shrugs with a little chuckle, “sure.” he’s keen on showing you his Chevrolet Corvette at the other end of the parking lot first, telling you about the specifications and the modifications he made for it to be suitable for drifting. he explains how his Corvette had to be converted to a rear-wheel-drive car, or a RWD to support the heavy stress on the back wheels to make a successful drift turn.
toji tells you the differences between a clutch kick and a shift lock and how to sustain a drift on a sharp turn, excited at finally finding someone who didn’t have a clue about racing. he even offers to show you, but you’re a little too intimidated by being in the passenger seat with him, especially when it’s going at high speeds.
“maybe another day,” you offer and toji picks up on your insinuation, trying to stifle at grin that maybe this attraction wasn’t one-sided. he liked the way you talked to megumi, he liked the way you intently listened about his love for cars, and he couldn’t wait to get you in his car with a hand to your thigh.
“i’ll hold you to your offer, darlin’.” the name sounded so much better coming from his mouth, an attractive smile lining his face before he offered his free arm for you to hang on, gasping silently when you felt how toned his arm was. oh, the late night thoughts you already knew you were gonna have…
“i’ll tell you about the other cars here, let’s go.”
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thirsts and drabble requests are open!
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rachelzeglertruther · 10 months
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Why You're Wrong About Rachel Zegler
This is a long post, but there's a lot of context missing from the Rachel Zegler "discourse" that I thought I could add with my history of watching this unfold from the beginning.
The Snow White Thing
You probably know this part. There's a curated video of Rachel going viral, framed to make her seem like she's never seen Snow White, she hates the story, she hates the character, she's ungrateful, and single-handedly ruined Disney's brand. The clips from these videos are not new— they were released nearly a year ago in September 2022 and nobody cared about them at the time. Why? Because all the full interviews she did that day at the Disney Exo in 2022 showed a young, charming woman who was excited and proud to be cast in an iconic role. The interviews were very well received and it was a non story. Now that it's been edited down and cut together in a malicious way, and the people sharing them are purposefully misquoting her, they've twisted the context. Normally, this would be a non controversy. Even if that video wasn't taken out of context and spliced together to make her seem like she hates the film, most people wouldn't care. The issue is the response to the video.
Let's get this out of the way: Rachel Zegler doesn't hate Snow White. She relayed that she was afraid of the forest scene as a child and didn't revisit it again until after she was cast in the role. She has since then watched it several times and has expressed for YEARS before that interview came out that she was incredibly honored and grateful to be playing such an iconic Disney princess. If you watch the full videos that those clips came from, this comes across immediately to anyone with their own mind. If you hate someone for being scared of something as a child, I don't know what to tell you. If the role was being given to the biggest Snow White fan, you would be correct that she doesn't deserve it. Unfortunately for you, this role requires talent and Rachel has the Golden Globe and critical acclaim from people who matter within the industry (her peers and critics).
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You know who does hate their beloved characters in beloved franchises but the general public still applauds them? Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Daniel Craig, and Robert Pattinson. They've all expressed outright contempt for the roles and the films they were part of, but nobody cared. People had fun with their quotes but they still respected them. Rachel said nothing even closely resembling their remarks, but she's being torn to shreds. Are we seeing a pattern here?
Rachel never said a single bad thing about the character or the animated film— she said that it was outdated and that set people over the edge, foaming at the mouth to have her burned at the stake. If you think it would be perfectly fine to have a movie about an abused 14 year old girl run away to play housemaid for a bunch of men, get kissed in her sleep/death by an adult man, and then wake up to fall into his arms in 2024, that's certainly a hot take. If you're against remakes, direct your ire at Disney. But if you truly think that plot would work with young girls today, you're the one who's out of touch. It would do far more harm than good to portray a young woman in that light.
She also never said that there was anything wrong with romance or love. She said that the new Snow White wasn't only dreaming of that. I can't stress enough that this wasn't her decision… she was describing the plot of the new film that was written by Greta Gerwig and approved by Disney. There's a prince in the film and he will also have a more developed personality and storyline. If you have a problem with the writing, wait until it comes out so you can write your strongly worded letter to Greta. If you have a problem with the concept in general, take it up with Disney. There's no need for you to be defensive over hurting the legacy of a multi-billion dollar company or a 87 year old cartoon written by a proud racist antisemite. This is the most confusing part of the hate campaign to me because it wasn't even her opinion— she was literally describing the plot of the film she had nothing to do with. It also isn't a new thing. Disney actors have been promoting their newer films this way for years.
It's perfectly okay to like things that are problematic. It's becoming an issue that we refuse to acknowledge that maybe some things we love are harmful. What we can't do is justify why it's not problematic, and in fact everyone who calls it out is the problem and NOT their precious cartoon. The 1937 Snow White was an amazing feat of animation. It's a classic for a reason. But it was also Hitler's favorite film and was directed by a white supremacist (the one who is "rolling in his grave" due to Rachel's existence, according to his son). Things don't exist in a vacuum and we can't ignore the bad parts.
How We Got Here:
The thing that everyone is missing is the source of this campaign. This started in September of 2020 when transphobic actor Gina Carano made fun of trans people by changing her pronouns to beep/bop.boop. Rachel indirectly called her out by coming to the defense of the trans community.
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She never called out Gina by name (though she rightfully could have). Mind you, Rachel's first film hadn't come out yet. Nobody knew who she was outside of those of us who were anticipating West Side Story and were fans of her covers on YouTube. She was a "nobody" in the industry. Take this part with a grain of salt because I can't confirm it, but Gina and her fans directly blame Rachel for her being banned from Twitter. Again, I really don't think that matters as she's harmful to the trans community and shouldn't have a platform. What does matter is that fans of Gina (which, let's be real, are just fans of transphobia) have been stalking Rachel's every move since then. Unfortunately for them, there wasn't much they could use against her other than to call her woke and #snowbrown when she was cast a year later as the Disney princess. The noise has always been there, but unless you were a fan of hers, you probably didn't hear about it. It wasn't until two years after this that they had something else against her.
If you've recently seen a video of Rachel crying circulating that claims to be her reaction to the recent Snow White backlash, it's an old video. It's from a vlog from her youtube channel posted in June 2022. It was in response to these exact same transphobic anti-woke conservatives who thought that they had something when she did an interview on the red carpet of the Shazam premiere. When asked why she joined the DC universe, she responded "I needed a job." It was generally well received by most people who thought it was cute and funny, but those who were waiting in the shadows latched onto it as an excuse to send her death threats.
The video was also about a month after she was invited to present at the 2022 Oscars and was made to seem like she bullied the Academy (as a no name newcomer, mind you) into letting her attend. In reality, a fan left a comment on her Instagram asking what she was wearing to the event. She responded that she wasn't invited but would be rooting for everyone from her couch in her boyfriend's pajamas. It was the public who demanded she get an invite and the Oscar's must have agreed that it was very odd that the lead actress of a film that was nominated for Best Film wouldn't get an invite. Whether it was an oversight on their part or a scheduling issue with Rachel's filming, I truly think there was no malicious intent from either party. Keep in mind, she used to be very active with her fans (she's a huge fangirl of things herself and has always had a strong relationship with her fans) and she wasn't used to her comments becoming articles and national tv segments. This was the first time it happened to her. It appears she learned that she's not just a girl who posts on YouTube anymore and she's going to be put under a microscope for every move she makes. She has since shut down her Instagram comments and rarely interacts with fans outside of liking comments these days because of this.
I know this is long, but I need people to understand where this is all coming from. It didn't just happen out of nowhere. It's an orchestrated campaign built by violent conservatives, and thousands of women who saw Barbie this summer are hopping on the bandwagon to beat another woman into submission because they have a lot of internalized misogyny to deal with. She's not smug, you just hate women. It's okay to find people annoying, but it's valuable to look into why you think that. If you see a confident young woman expressing views that don't actually harm anyone and you think she needs to be "humbled" and "put in her place" by the entire internet dogpiling her, you've lost your mind. Using "body language experts" (fake job) to diagnose her as a psychopath is so vile. Everytime someone mentions her name online, the comments beneath it are full of the most violent, misogynistic, racist things I've ever seen. If you're contributing to that, you've chosen your side. Reevaluate or seek help.
I'm tired of seeing this happen to young women. We let this happen to Jennifer Lawrence, Brie Larson, Millie Bobby Brown, Halle Bailey, and Jenna Ortega. It's one thing to call out celebrities and hold them accountable when they're doing something actively harmful, but that's not what this is about. That's never been what this is about. We pick these girls to pieces and examine them and pull them apart to justify our hatred of young women who rise to success too quickly for our liking. We dogpile and try to stamp out the flame before they burn too bright. Barbie is still in theaters and you all loved it, yet you're demanding that a bright girl with a big future be small and submissive and humbled because you have issues. That's not feminism. You're just the girls who would have bullied Weird Barbie for using her hands too much when she talks.
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coff33notforme · 1 year
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Fluff headcannons for Wally
A/n: I didn't know what to title this but I wanted to write more for the muppet man and I haven't gotten anymore requests for him so I just made some silly hc's let me know if you guys want more, because I'm kinda obsessed this series right now
Pairing: Wally Darling and Gn Reader (Romantic, fluff)
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First things first, Wally is absolutely obsessed with you, in every possible way 
Even before you had become apart of their happy little community, Wally had his sights set on you, you were just a bright warm person, you’d be a wonderful addition to their colorful neighborhood
But when do you actually become a part of the town? Oh boy, Wally is ecstatic though he doesn’t show it, he still shows his bright friendly demeanor he keeps his unhinged excitement on the inside for the most part
When you arrive don’t expect to get to talk anyone else as much as you talk to Wally he’s pretty much your own personal tour guide 
Which you are grateful for, but you couldn't help but feel a little bit isolated with only Wally to talk to, of course if you express this concern Wally would apologize for overstepping any boundaries he might have crossed with you, which made you feel a tad bit guilty, but Wally seemed fine enough so you supposed it was okay
Even with Wally letting you interact with others in the town and explore on your own you still felt yourself talking with Wally the most out of everyone, you felt he also had a soft spot for you, or least that's what it seemed like, but you could just be overthinking
However over time you felt like you and Wally had grown awfully close, even closer than he and Barnabey were and that was saying something
Wally would never be the one to confess to you, I don't know I just see him being too incredibly smug for that, he’d act like he had no idea you felt this way and that he adores you a totally normal amount as well!
Though he’s definitely been hooked on you from day one
No matter how you confess he’ll accept your feelings, I mean obviously
When you're with Wally it seems like he's even more clingy than before, anywhere you want to go? Wally's right there with you!
Loves to show you affection through gifts and touch, especially touch, he’s practically attached at your hip at all times
Loves to kiss you on the nose, but if you do it back? He’s over the moon!
Smothers you in affection, won't stop cooing about how cute you are
When your out on the town Wally will cling to your arm like a scared little kid, he’s perfectly fine he just likes being close to you and was probably like that even when you first got here
Wally loves to bake you things, pastries and sweets are his speciality, he loves to make pies especially 
Whenever its cold Wally will snuggle closer to you and hold onto you like a koala
He’ll make you little things like friendship bracelets for you to wear, so now you have a surplus collection of them 
Though Wally seems to be his charming, nonchalant, friendly self when he's around you and the others, he’ll never show you the dark thoughts that swarm his mind
He just needs you to see him as the sweet, charismatic puppet everyone does
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This ones for the boys with the boomin' systems
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hanniluvi · 3 months
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(Y)OUR EXPECTED FATE — JUNGWON FF
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“ i always want you when i’m finally fine. ”
SYNOPSIS Jungwon felt he was on the verge of uncovering the solution — how to make you stay by his side for eternity. He had always loved you, and in every lifetime, you reciprocated that love. Convincing you to become immortal with him should be straightforward, right? However, your response proved far from what he desired, as if it were destined to be just his expected fate in every lifetime.
( 🗝️ ) THE PAIRING sorcerer!jungwon x knight-gn!reader
⌞ + ⌝ GENRE royalty au, doomed immortal x mortal, angst, subtle amounts of fluff !
𓍼 WARNINGS mentions of injuries (cuts/bruises), mentions of blood, mention of lifeless body, use of petnames
♡⸝⸝ WORD COUNT — 2.2K+ ( 2262 )
AUTHOR’S NOTE there was this one tiktok that had a plot like this and UGH i couldn’t get it out of my head…so you know i had to write this !! creds to that one tiktok bc i kept thinking about this all day…🤍 also, part one? maybe????
—> READ PART TWO ( HIS EXPECTED FATE ) HERE !
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Jungwon lingered around the entrance, waiting for you to meet him. He knew you were practicing on the training grounds, and he was worried that you might overexert yourself once again. While he admired your dedication, a deep concern always lingered, fearing that such commitment could lead to severe injuries. But, he wouldn’t be surprised if you did walk out looking all rough. After all, he was used to that sight of you.
“Jungwon!” As you finally approached, he heard your cheerful greeting. However, this time, something was different. Your smile remained as bright as ever, yet the cuts on your arms and face had increased, now more pronounced and bloodied. Typically, Jungwon would rush over to greet you with a smile, but this time, his heart raced for entirely different reasons.
"YN!" Worry filled Jungwon's tone as his fingers gently brushed against your cuts, causing you to wince at the slight burning sensation. A guilty look adorned your face as you avoided making eye contact with him. Taking hold of your cheeks, he directed your head to meet his gaze, and soon his eyes cautiously inspected the wounds on your arms.
"Don't look at me like that," you chuckled lightly, seemingly unfazed by the numerous injuries sustained in the past hour. Jungwon shook his head, "Just when I thought I could leave you alone to take care of yourself."
"I just overdid it today—I promise not to show up all bloody like this next time," you firmly said, but he was aware that it was another one of those promises you might struggle to keep. Jungwon grabbed your wrist, leading you away from the training grounds and swiftly taking you to the secluded spot that had become your retreat.
“Sit there,” he pointed at the tree stump nearby, and made his first aid kit appear out of thin air. Jungwon being a sorcerer was definitely shocking to you, although after encountering so much magic within the realm of royalty, it shouldn't have been surprising. Still, you still find yourself randomly wondering how he was able to do things like that within a split second.
"Look at me," he softly instructed, followed by a quiet sigh. It was evident that seeing you hurt stirred a deep discomfort within Jungwon, even if the injuries were minor. As he wiped the blood from your cuts with a cotton bud, both of you winced simultaneously. It seemed he had grown accustomed to reacting this way.
"You know, I still don't understand why you panic like this. You always manage to treat me perfectly," you remarked, attempting to ease the tension with a hint of humor.
"And you always worry me—your injuries are getting worse as the days go by. Did you think I wouldn't notice the bruises on your knuckles either?" Jungwon reached for your hand with his free one, lightly caressing your fingers while still focused on inspecting your face. "You shouldn't ruin a face like this—not that I'm saying that in a bad way. Is there a different way for you to train so vigorously?"
"Well, what do you expect a skilled knight like me to do? To just back down now that I've built myself a reputation?" you chuckled. "No can do."
"Well, YN, I wouldn't laugh during a situation like this, where you have me tending to your awful cuts."
"Dropping the honorifics, huh?"
“My apologies, Sir YN. Is there anything else you command me to do?” A soft laugh leaves your lips again, causing the tense Jungwon to finally break into a small smile. It was as if your laughter was his medicine.
“Kiss me.” Jungwon's face flushes, but he places his hands on the sides of your face, slowly leaning in. Just as you close your eyes, you hear a slight giggle. Feeling something other than his lips on yours, you open one eye to see him just treating your wounds again as if he didn't just tease. “You’ve got a cut here–wait until I finish.”
“Hey that’s not…” Your voice trails off when he unexpectedly kisses your cheek. “...nice.” A peck comes with the next, and it just keeps going. He continues smothering kisses on your face, now making you want to escape his grasp despite you asking for them in the first place.
After giving you the final peck on your lips, he moved away from your face, a proud grin on his face for his handiwork. Handing you a small mirror, you examined your face and noticed how all the gashes from training had disappeared. Touching your cheekbone, you inquired, “What did you just do? That seems like a new technique you've learned.”
“You wanted kisses, didn't you? So, I did a little something,” Jungwon replied with a mischievous smile. “And it's a secret.”
“How mean,” you huffed lightly.
“I still need to tend to your arms and hands. Can you try to stay still for me, my love?”
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Jungwon completed the task more swiftly than he had anticipated. He yearned to kiss you more, as his actions seemed to convey more than words ever could. Seating himself beside you, he lay on the tree trunk behind, reaching out for your hand. Together, you both gazed into the horizon without uttering a word.
He wished for you to rest, recognizing that even though he had healed your cuts, your body remained fatigued. Your energy levels hadn't been up to par lately, and he couldn't help but worry if there was something more serious at play.
But, even in quiet times like these, these moments are things he actually cherished the most. It allowed him to collect his thoughts.
Glancing back at your calm state, the question Jungwon had lingering in the back of his mind finally comes back to him.
Right.
He had to ask you this. But how?
Would he ruin this moment for the both of you?
A wave of countless thoughts flooded Jungwon's mind. The timing never seemed quite right. When would he ever get the chance to share something this important with you? This quiet moment was the only time you and he spent together without any peculiar occurrences.
Should he just ask the question already?
Should he— “Jungwon, do you need something?”
“Huh?” Caught off guard, Jungwon blinked for a moment. He hadn't realized that he was lost in his own thoughts. Shaking his head slightly, he offered a sheepish smile. "No, nothing in particular. Just enjoying the moment with you."
"Is everything okay? Your hold on my hand is a bit...” He noticed the tightness in his grip and instinctively loosened it. “Sorry.”
“You seem like something is on your mind. Why not share it with me?” In moments like these, your attentiveness always shone through. Despite his usual tendency to back away, this time, Jungwon felt a stronger urge not to let the opportunity slip by like any other day.
“Well, um,” He found himself stumbling over words, struggling to articulate his thoughts amidst the whirlwind of emotions. Your understanding gaze encouraged him, appreciating the cute side of him you always found endearing.
“I... I wanted to ask you something important,” Jungwon finally confessed, looking into your eyes with a mixture of nervousness and determination. Your expression softened, encouraging him to continue. “What is it?”
He took another deep breath before speaking, “YN, have you ever thought about... eternity? About staying by someone's side forever?”
“Eternity you say…” You thought deeply of the question–it was certainly one of those questions that went beyond the usual conversations you two would have. “Well, I guess I have considered that–in a different sense. What makes you bring this up all of a sudden?”
“I said I would protect you for my whole life, did I not?” His hands interlocked with yours, and his tone…
His tone seemed rather…
Sad.
You knew his emotions better than anyone else could; you could instantly tell if something was off. It was as if he had repeated that question to you countless times before.
You just didn’t know how to explain it. It was just a gut feeling.
But why would he be sad?
You didn't quite understand it, but you hesitated to delve deeper.
“And you have done great so far, my dearest,” You tried to offer comfort, tightening your hold in response. “My wounds have never healed better when I’m around you.”
He nodded, appreciating your reassurance. “Of course, my love. Seeing you hurt is something I can't bear, especially when I know I can do something about it. But...that's not exactly what I'm trying to say.”
“Oh?”
Jungwon hesitated for a moment before letting out a nervous chuckle, “I was just... wondering if you'd be open to the idea. You know, staying with someone you care about for a very, very long time. Like, forever.”
The sincerity in his eyes left you with a sense of vulnerability, and you realized that this wasn't just an ordinary conversation. Jungwon seemed to be hinting at something much more profound.
“Are you trying to tell me something?”
He sighed, nodding his head. “Yes…what I’m trying to say is that I find I can find a way to keep you beside me forever.”
“You mean... granting me immortality?”
“Exactly.” He nodded, his hold on your hand tightening, as if he had no intention of letting you go. “I’ve been experimenting with various spells from the countless books I’ve read during endless nights. I can share some of my findings with you, if you’d—”
“My love, I must decline that offer.”
“Huh?” Jungwon was puzzled by the sudden interruption. Gazing at you with widened eyes, he realized you weren't joking.
You were being serious.
“Oh. Is that so…” You noticed his eyes glistening, causing a twinge in your heart. Making people feel sad, especially those you love, was something you truly hated.
“Don’t misunderstand—I love you deeply, more than words could convey. But, after all the achievements I’ve accomplished as a knight, I don’t want them to go to waste.”
Jungwon couldn’t comprehend it.
“But, my love, how would it go to waste? Your accomplishments will be remembered for ages, even centuries. And you can continue achieving much more... if you choose to stay.”
He's trying his best—he wants you to stay. Was it selfish of him to wish for that? However, there's no time for self-doubt; what shouldn’t be doubtful is his love for you.
He wants you.
So he pleads. He tries his absolute hardest.
He’s just so close.
So close to stopping this wretched fate of his.
“Why, aren’t you the sweetest?” you smiled, freeing him from your grasp to run your fingers through his hair, providing instant solace. With your touch, Jungwon sighed, this was clearly taking a toll on him.
“Is…is that a yes?”
“The answer is still a no. I want to stay by your side as a mortal being.”
“But…but why?” he questioned, a mix of confusion and desperation in his eyes.
“Because, that way, it can make our memories more cherishable, don’t you think?” you smiled at him, your words piercing through his heart. How could you radiate joy in a moment like this? However, he couldn’t deny the truth in your statement. Across countless past lives, you were always a part of them, turning each one into a profoundly memorable experience.
Different clothes, different situations, different personalities—he had encountered them all. Yet, irrespective of the flaws or imperfections, he found himself drawn to you in every single life.
He remembers all the moments he’d be able to make you smile.
He remembers the sweet laughs you’d have—each one he would consider as a beautiful melody.
He remembers what had made you happy in those lives.
He knows them all by heart.
He longs to share those stories with you, but the fear of overwhelming you with his endless tales holds him back.
He would never want to burden you like that.
“I guess so…” he manages to utter, his voice choked with unspoken emotions.
“I can tell you’re hurt,” your tone softens, your smile fading into a slight frown. “But it just won’t be the same. I would feel much prouder about how many things I can accomplish during my time. I hope you understand.”
His lips thinned, and he slowly nodded, trying to convey that he was okay. Attempting to hold his head high, he looked at you with a certain glint in his eyes. “As long as you’re happy, my love.”
“Thank you,” you exhaled, shifting your position to lay on his lap, closing your eyes. Jungwon chuckled, a bittersweet sound, brushing your hair away from your face. “Let’s just relax, hm?”
“Yeah. Relax,” Jungwon agreed, feeling his energy drain out of him. How could he relax? He was tired. How many more moments like this could you two share before he was forced to part from you again?
He can feel the tears he tried holding back come back to him. His eyes were becoming blurry as he continued to look down at your figure.
He feels even sadder, as his blurry vision seemed to portray what he eventually ends up experiencing.
He should’ve known by now.
No matter the timeline, he was fated to be separated from you.
Despite his efforts, he would watch you leave, helpless to change the outcome.
The haunting image of holding your lifeless body would repeat, tears streaming down uncontrollably.
A new start awaits, but it was another wretched path he was forced to follow.
This was his expected fate.
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💬 : ayaya
ENHA PERM TAGLIST (1) — @flwoie @ixomiyu @haruavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @ml8dy @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @hyeosi @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @whoschr @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @isoobie @skzenhalove @misokei @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @miercerise @litttlestars @enhapocketz
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bloodpen-to-paper · 3 months
Text
Gonna throw my hat into the ring here, as someone who very recently had a streamer they loved and supported go down for serious allegations and crimes. Feel free to skip around my long ass response, I'll break it down into parts:
---Public Reception
Part of the reason I despise these situations is because people online don't ever know enough to make 100% accurate assessments, but will act like they do anyway (I don't care if its authoritarian, I want a bill where people on Twitter can't post about drama until after at least 5 minutes of being forced to critically think). Having said that, here's my opinions on how everything should go forward:
-Shelby shared her story in order to spread awareness on domestic abuse and the signs, so that others can read those signs and keep themselves safe (or leave an actively abusive situation they've been convincing themselves isn't that bad). That is the priority here, that is what people should be focusing on. If you make this situation about stirring drama with the other CCs, you're a dumbass and you need to stop posting. Give support to Shelby, uplift the voices of women like her sharing their stories, spread awareness on what domestic abuse can look like so everyone can learn, and wait for more information. Its that simple.
-CCs don't owe statements for conflicts they weren't involved in. Philza, Tommy, Quackity, Charlie, and other CCs close to Wilbur who aren't part of this don't owe you an explanation. They're people, they're most likely having to come to terms with the fact that a dear friend, someone who could've been like family, isn't who they thought he was. Have a fucking heart and cut it with the parasocial entitlement. I'm hoping Quackity will remove Wilbur from the Qsmp, but just like with Forever, he probably won't make a big announcement of it, and that's perfectly ok. I understand wanting to make sure you're not supporting a CC who would defend someone guilty of committing domestic abuse, but its still not your right to get anything from these people. If they share, they share. If not, then they don't. If you can't handle that, then leave.
-Having said the above, its worth noting that CCs aren't just a fun group of friends, they're coworkers. Much of what they say publicly and when they say it can be shaped or restricted by situations that can affect their careers or get them in legal trouble. You don't know these people personally or what goes on behind the scenes, its a network and you can't measure their responses the same way you would your own opinion piece. The CCs will always need to be careful about how they respond to an issue, and they will most likely respond in "safe" ways considering what's on the line. Not accusing anyone of anything, nor demonizing them for it, just something to keep in mind. They're human, but they're also working a job.
-If you have Lovejoy or Wilbur-related merch, DON'T THROW IT AWAY OR DESTROY IT. I've seen lots of people pointing out merch can be donated to thrift shops or shelters, and its more eco-friendly than burning or trashing. Remember, anything can be repurposed; a book, a hoodie, there's always someone who can find a use for it. Likewise if you want to keep your old merch, that's fine to. You can wear it if it brings you comfort, or if its something you just like the look of. As long as you're not supporting the source, you already have the merch so don't let people pressure you into thinking you're bad for keeping it if you're not ready to let go/throw away those $70.
---My Opinion Regarding His Response
Everyone and their cousin has been dogpiling on Wilbur's response (rightfully), but I think people online don't understand how public responses work when there's legal team and PR interference. The tweet for me had a weird lack of personal touch and emotion from the guy I've observed to be very personal in his writings, whether its his music or a community post about a life update (blah blah parasociality I know, but I'm letting you know the observations I've made of his behavior simply as someone who notices these things). He also never explicitly stated Shelby's name, rather saying "that person" (you even had the textbook 'black text on a blank white background' screenshotted response). Finally, there was a consistent standing on Wilbur 'not being aware of how the other person really felt' regarding his actions. What I'm trying to say is... y'all really gotta start putting two and two together. Its a textbook PR response. As in, I'd be surprised if Wilbur had over 50% involvement in making it because the wording is exactly how it reads when a response has been initiated by someone's lawyers rather than themselves. The reason he doesn't take more accountability and openly admit to having abused Shelby (other than the obvious public backlash) is probably cause his lawyers are banking on the feigning ignorance angle, that Wilbur didn't intentionally abuse Shelby and was ignorant to how his actions affected her. Its the best way to get him out of hot water on the legal side, because again, this isn't messy drama; its a genuine accusation of a crime. I don't think the response is tone deaf and unaware, I think its a deliberate and measured legal move not even fully created by Wilbur himself. This isn't to say I think he's innocent, but I do know that Shelby and others have brought up some serious accusations, and Wilbur is lawyering up as a result.
---Nuance
Prefacing this part by saying that things are not looking good for Wilbur in regards to what other CCs have brought up about him, and I fully believe and support Shelby, hence why I support that the community should start distancing from him and his work. But I would like to take this opportunity to look into the greater aspects at play. We are within a system that brings up men to do what they want without teaching them to be considerate and aware of the consequences. Men are taught their harmful behavior is perfectly fine, often at women's expense, which makes these situation a very different story depending on who's telling it. Its because of this that we need to critically analyze the system and how it causes men to turn out as they do, instead of giving an immediate opinion without any nuance.
There's a possibility that Wilbur is being genuine in not realizing how bad his actions were. There's a possibility he truly is a manipulative liar who knew exactly what he was doing. He could be a piece of shit. He could be genuinely trying to improve and do better. We don't know. I'd say its pretty cut and dry that he hurt Shelby, and for that I'm glad she's getting justice for herself and spreading awareness. But if we're to entertain the idea of redemption, we need to look at situations like these with nuance so that we can understand the "why". I'm not trying to justify Wilbur's actions or even give him the benefit of the doubt, I have no idea what's going on in that guy's head. I'm just putting this out there because its something I want everyone to think about, especially when it comes to topics regarding narcissism and mental health issues. Don't support him or Lovejoy, just keep something like this in mind for the future.
---The Community/Now Displaced Fans
To everyone who's immediately telling Wilbur's fans (the ones that don't support his actions and are actively mourning no longer being able to enjoy his stuff) to just listen to other music or move on, and who are celebrating each negative new thing that comes out about Wilbur's current status, sincerely, shut the fuck up. You are completely lacking in empathy or emotional intelligence, and what you're doing is the last thing the community needs. Wilbur and his work could have and for many did get fans through some of their hardest moments, and losing that wonderful sense of community you get from streamers and their work (especially with the roleplay stuff) is awful. It fucked me up losing that after almost a year, for some of his fans its been even longer.
If you're a (former) fan of his, its ok to feel like shit. We're human, we get attached and we grieve losing something like this because that's how capable we are of loving. Take your time, as long as you know where to stand (supporting Shelby and raising awareness on domestic abuse), you're doing good. You can keep enjoying his characters and work and making content about it, separating the art from the artist (though don't stream his music from platforms that would give him the money, find a way to pirate it).
This sucks. I feel it as a casual fan who was once hugely into his content, I can imagine what its like for those who were huge supporters all the way up until now. You didn't do anything wrong supporting someone you thought was a good person, its just a thing that happens and its so fucking shitty. You ain't alone though, I know some of you have that knee-jerk reaction to avoid anything to do with him but reaching out to others in the community and actually processing it all is way better, you won't be bottling it all up. Don't be afraid to continue engaging with this part of your life until you're ready to move on from it in your own time, and be kind to yourself. From someone who went through exactly what you are now, trust me, you'll get through it.
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Text
Mr. (Not so) Perfectly Fine
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AN: Not sure where this came from, but here we are. Maybe one day I'll write Josh in a non-toxic way lol. Also tagging Kai @lovelyhan because it's the law. I joked about writing a series of fics based on Taylor Swift songs. This fic isn't part of that idea. I just thought this title felt fitting (it's based off of a Taylor Swift song for anyone unaware).
Synopsis: Falling in love with Joshua was easy. It came to you easier than breathing. It's no wonder, then, that when he offers you a fraction of his affection after shattering your heart months ago, that you would grasp for it. Regardless of the consequences.
General tags and warnings: Joshua Hong x Fem! Reader, not super relevant to the plot but, this is a Non-Idol AU, exes to exes with benefits, elements of angst, Josh is emotionally constipated, Soonyoung and Seungkwan featuring as supportive but, tired friends, discussions around Reader having low self-esteem and being self-loathing at times, discussions around an unhealthy relationship and returning to it, alcohol and alcohol consumption, Seokmin featuring as a genuinely good guy who probably deserves better and discussions around jealousy and possessiveness on Josh's end.
Smut tags: mentions of throatfucking, mentions of piv sex with a condom (I know who am I?), mentions of a Daddy kink, it's implied that Josh is pretty self-centered (generally but, sexually more specifically) but, that does get remedied later, nipple play (f. receiving), Reader sucks on Josh's fingers, praise (f. receiving), implications of Reader being a bit of a masochist, Reader sits on Josh's face, overstimulation (f. receiving), pet names, dirty talk, begging, piv sex without a condom, marking (f. receiving), biting (f. receiving) and creampie.
Word count: 8514 (...I don't want to talk about it.)
I will block you if you are a minor and/or have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.
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The first time you found yourself at Joshua's doorstep was an innocuous Thursday evening. The sun had begun its descent on the horizon when you began the familiar route to his apartment building. You're not entirely sure what possessed you to knock on his front door, or what had possessed you to drive there to begin with. However, when he swung his door open, dressed in nothing but, a simple black shirt that clung a little too tightly to his broad chest and some grey sweats. Surprise colouring his handsome face, you knew it was too late to back away now.
To your shock, however, Josh had let you in without much question. Stepping aside wordlessly, you took the very obvious invitation. The sight of his living room was familiar in a way that churned the pit of your stomach. You weren't going to fall apart in his living room like the way you had when he broke up with you. You wouldn't allow yourself to. Wasn't it pathetic enough that you'd come grovelling back to him without much of a reason as to why? That you're likely about to have the most uncomfortable conversation that you've had in your entire life?
You're not sure what you'd expected from Joshua. He joined you on his couch, always too white for your liking but, didn't say anything. You weren't sure if he'd been waiting for you to explain why you're at his place after close to four months of next to zero contact.
Idiot. Of course he was.
"I," you start but, the words never seemed to find you. You focused on the pictures that decorated his wall. Choosing to look at anywhere that wasn't him at the risk of losing your already fickle train of thought. Pictures of him in suits with different friends and business partners. His work smile working overtime in all of them as he'd been showered with endless awards and promotions.
His work had always been the love of his life.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," were the first words he'd uttered to you in months. That had caused you to whip your head to face him. Reading Joshua was a skill you had never been able to master.
Master? You doubt you'd even be considered an amateur at it after a year of being with him.
His face betrayed little but, a barely there glimmer of understanding bled through that even you managed to catch. Understanding is an emotion you wouldn't typically associate with the someone like him. However, it flickers across his too handsome face nonetheless.
Perhaps you should've consulted an exorcist because before you know it, you're not sure what caused you to kiss him. You two have barely spoken, and there you were, gripping his shirt like a lifeline and kissing him on his stupid couch as the figures in his photographs act as spectators. You were going to apologise. You were going to erase him for good from your brain and dig a hole for yourself to crawl into.
But, then he'd kissed you back. His kiss, much like him, wasn't all passion and desperation. It was slow. Methodical. His soft lips refamiliarising themselves with your mouth once more gradually. As if he had all of the time in the world. Testing to see if this would be worth it. If you would be worth it.
Whatever he had been looking for during his exploration, he seemingly found because before you knew it, you found yourself amidst the sheets of his bed. Cool, navy blue sheets acting as a balm to your far too hot skin while his large hands mapped the expanse of your body. His heavy cock bruised the back of your throat before you found yourself arched for him with your face in one of his soft pillows and his long fingers in your hair. After months of no sex, specifically no sex with him, it took you a few long moments to adjust to the sting he provided.
From then, it was bliss.
His pillow muffling your whimpers and moans. Cries of 'Joshua' and 'Josh' and 'Daddy' were partially swallowed by the soft material. Your fingernails clawed at his sheets while he found relief in your body. His hips stuttered into you and filling the condom he had hurriedly put on, especially when the last title had hit his ears.
The two of you dressed in silence. The ruffling of your clothing and the sounds of the city all that you had to comfort you. When you stood on unsteady legs to leave, he hadn't walked you out. Not that you expected him to but, that didn't stop the sting from developing behind your eyes and your throat from growing tight.
Bliss was so, so easy to come back to. And come back, you did. You and Joshua still hadn't spoken all that much. Not putting any labels on... whatever tentative understanding the two of you had. You simply show up to his apartment, and he knows what you're here for. If you can't have him the way you want to, you'll have to settle for the way he needs you.
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Two weeks.
Two weeks is the longest time you've gone without knocking on Joshua's front door. You can't help the guilt that twists up inside you and shreds your insides. However, you know rationally that you have nothing to feel guilty about. Joshua isn't your boyfriend anymore. He hasn't been for six months now. The two of you simply find solace in each other's bodies. It has just been easier with him than expending your time and energy on trying to meet anyone. Especially with how little energy and time you have as it with work all but, drowning you.
However, as Seungkwan has tried to sear into your brain, this isn't exactly healthy. Letting yourself fall into his bed and come apart underneath him for the past three months is likely in your top five unwisest decisions you've made in adulthood.
But god, it's just so easy.
"You know you deserve better," Seungkwan stresses to you for the likely millionth time. His typically kind face marred with a frown that does not suit him in the slightest. His glass of wine left completely untouched on your coffee table with his arms cross over his chest. Soonyoung nods, taking a sip of his own wine before speaking, "He's a dick. He's pretty much been using you since the two of you started dating."
"That's not true," you protest, your wine sloshing dangerous before you simmer down a little. "Joshua has his....issues but, I don't think it's fair to say all he does is use me. I mean, I'm the one who showed up to his door after us being broken up," you argue, "If anything this is a mutual using of each other."
"Except you're in love with him," Seungkwan deadpans. Soonyoung once again nods in agreement. Traitor.
"I'm not in love-"
You promptly stop talking when both men shoot you looks. Your face warms and you hide in your glass of wine. The liquid pleasantly heating your veins and acting as a phenomenal distraction from the gazes of your friends that are far, far too piercing.
"We're just here because we're worried," Soonyoung says softly and you can't bare to look into his eyes right now. You're too scared to see what you'll find in them. You're not sure what's worse. The pity or the frustration from the two of them.
"If it makes you two feel any better, I haven't gone to him in two weeks," you respond weakly. Despising the knot that builds in your throat and the tears that burn your eyes. You feel no better than when you were in university crying to them about shitty hookups and even shittier exes.
"That's a great start," Seungkwan responds sounding genuinely happy. Genuinely proud of you. His warm, larger hand grabbing yours and rubbing soothing circles into your skin. "Also, I'm sorry. I know you're an adult and I don't want to come across like I'm scolding you but, it's really hard watching you go back to him and break your heart all over again."
Oh, the guilt is back. Different but, present all the same. At this point, it's become an ever present companion for you.
"I'm sorry too. I know it's not fair for me to put the two of you through this either," you whisper in response. You don't think you're capable of speaking any louder right now.
"Hey now!" Soonyoung butts in, grabbing you both by your shoulders and crushing you to his chest. Seungkwan, to everyone's shock, only protests minimally, "What are friends for? Now both of you stop being so gloomy. We're here to get tipsy on cheap wine, inhale all the carbs we can and watch bad movies. Get it together."
The laugh that Soonyoung forces from you is foreign and a little rough around the edges but, it's one of the few you've managed in longer than you care to think about. And if you cling to him more fiercely than usual, he has the grace not to mention it.
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It gets a little easier after that. You haven't found yourself knocking at Joshua's door for a good month now. Soonyoung seems ready to throw you a party over it and the same pity isn't as present in Seungkwan's gaze when the three of you find the time to catch up with each other.
Joshua never messages or calls you in the time you don't spend in his bed. You suppose you shouldn't be surprised. You're typically the one reaching out to him and making the journey to his apartment to experience a fraction of him. To bask in whatever he's willing to offer you.
You're not sure whether what you two have can be classed as affectionate. It was better than nothing, at least, you had supposed.
You still can't help the sparks of bitterness that fester in your system when you open up your chat with him. A simple 'Okay' from him being the last message in the conversation when you asked if you could come over. God, you were pathetic. Sad. Desperate.
Perhaps it's pettiness or spite or the resentment or maybe some part of you still wants his attention but, you send him a message before locking your phone for the night and turning away to face your windows. The voice in your head (that sounds suspiciously like Seungkwan) echoes that maybe that wasn't a good idea. Maybe allowing your anger to get the better of you wasn't wise. However, what's done is done. You just hope sleep finds you quicker than it has over the past two years.
You: I'm going on a date on Friday.
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Seokmin is a nice guy.
No, calling him nice isn't fair or true to the man's character. Nice is vague. Meaningless. A platitude at best.
Ever since Soonyoung very heavy handedly sent you his number in the hopes that you'd focus your attention elsewhere, you two had been speaking borderline nonstop for a week now. Him regaling you with the less glamorous aspects of being an actor and you venting to him about a particular unruly classroom. You'd learned that he cried easily and had a weakness for anything dogs related. He'd learned that you love musicals and random historical facts.
It was the first time in a long time Joshua had barely crossed your mind. He still had but, it was an improvement. A week wasn't realistic enough to completely be clean of him but, you were taking steps. Seokmin definitely made it less difficult.
So, when Seokmin, nervousness rolling off of him in waves even over text, had asked you on a date, it was a no-brainer that you'd agree without much question. You deserve a pleasant night out. It also certainly doesn't hurt that Seokmin is an Adonis of a man.
You honestly don't remember the last time you were giddy over a date. Over a man. Butterflies kicking up in a storm in your stomach when you agonise over what you should wear. The temptation to cancel springing up more times than you count with every drag of your hangers and article of clothing that adds to pile accumulating on your bedroom floor. Fortunately, you find a dress in the back of your wardrobe that clings to you in a way that balances attractive and formal masterfully.
Seokmin is somehow even more attractive in person. All the pictures you came across during your search across his social media accounts do not even begin to do him justice. He's funnier too. His tales of disastrous productions and poor costume fittings prompting laughter out of you the likes of which mostly Soonyoung and Seungkwan are able to. Before you know it, it's already been three hours, and your mostly plates and glasses remain largely untouched.
"I had a great time," Seokmin starts once you two are outside. Whether it's the breeze or his proximity to you, goosebumps rise on your skin. It doesn't help that his cologne infiltrates your senses and muddles your mind further. The butterflies have chosen now to make a reappearance as well.
"Me too," you reply, your cheeks hurting from how hard you've been smiling all night and now isn't any different. Seokmin looks for all the world that he wants you to kiss him. Kind, brown eyes fliting down to your lips in a way you assume he hopes is subtle but, it's not. Terribly so. It's cute though. He's cute. However, you think you're going to take it slower this time around. As infatuating as he is, you know you're in no place to be kissing anyone.
Before you can bring up a different topic to help cut some of the tension weighing on your chest, your phone vibrates in your hand. Alerting you that your Uber has arrived.
"Looks like my ride is here," you tell him with a disappointed turn of your lips. For all your reservations, you really wouldn't have minded spending some more time with the man who would put the sun to shame.
"Have a safe ride home. Text me when you get home, okay?" And his blinding smile spreads across his handsome face once more. You've only known Seokmin for a short period but, it feels freeing to talk to someone whose feelings you don't need to attempt to decipher. They're there and clear as day on his face and in his words. Or maybe you're projecting. That's possible.
"Will do. Text me when you get home too, okay?" You reply, steeling your resolve before pulling him in for a hug. Hugs are fine. Safe. At least a safer option than kissing. Seokmin happily returns the gesture and heat that you haven't felt in some time begins to simmer in the very pit of your stomach when you feel how solid he is.
Now is not the time.
"Of course. It was nice getting to finally meet you in person. Hopefully we can see each other again," Oh. The butterflies certainly feel strongly about that.
Untangling yourself from his built frame is unpleasant, and a deeply irrational part of you wants to continue to cling to him. You opt to shove it down. "Hopefully," you respond with a coy smile, "I'd like that." And you truly would.
Seokmin watches you enter your Uber. He watches you until he can no longer see the car, and the gesture brings a smile to your face so wide that it feels a little foreign. If the driver hears your dreamy sigh, they choose not to comment on it. Thoughts of the actor with perhaps the brightest smile you've ever seen in your life fill your mind all the way to your apartment. Seokmin is still occupying your thoughts as you greet the on duty security and enter the, thankfully, empty elevator. More people don't need to see you practically levitating over this man. Over one date.
The smile that's been stinging your cheeks drops from your face when you notice a figure lingering at your front door. You can tell even from this distance that it's Joshua. Your steps grow more hurried, the clinking of your heels echoing through the empty hall. You suppose you're grateful that none of your neighbours are out. You're not entirely sure how this is going to go based on the anger bubbling up inside of you at the sight of your ex-boyfriend.
Joshua turns his head at the sound of your heels and he has the nerve to smile. To look relieved. You beat him to the punch for once instead of allowing the very tentative wall you've meticulously been building since the last time you found yourself in his too cool bed to crumble.
"What're you doing here?"
The bite in your voice takes even you by surprise but, you're too tired and a touch too fed up to really care about potentially offending him. Your arms crossing over your rapidly rising and falling chest as anger courses through your veins.
For all your inability to typically read him, the surprise on his face is clear as day. You don't think you've ever seen him look this unsure, a nervous hand carding through his short, dark hair. Oh. He must have cut it in the time you haven't found yourself on his doorstep.
"Hi uh," he stutters in a way deeply unlike him, "Can we talk inside?"
A voice that sounds very much like Seungkwan screams to send him away. To cuss him out where he stood in your hall and send him back to his sterile apartment that you never quite seemed to fit into.
However, you've never been good at saying no to him.
"Fine," you spit, walking to your front door and unlocking it while he stood by just hovering. Admitly, beneath the frustration and anger and annoyance at seeing him again after what has felt like ages, a miniscule part of you is curious why he's here.
Joshua walks in after you easily. The same way he used to when the two of you were together. The knowledge simultaneously dulls and sharpens the knife that twists in your gut but, you push it aside. Maybe an actual conversation is far overdue so, you can finally be free of him. Your coworker Wonwoo likes to joke that closure is just an invention of fiction but, just maybe this is your chance to find a fraction of it.
He shuts the door behind him while you turn on the lights. You want nothing more than to kick off your heels, pour yourself a glass of wine and regale Soonyoung and Seungkwan with all the details of your night. Joshua sure has a knack for ruining your plans.
"So, what do you want to talk about?" You ask once you've gathered all of courage. Leaning against the back of your couch, waiting for him to explain himself. Ignoring the way your throat burns seeing him in your home again.
"How was your date?" Are not the words you were expecting and they throw you utterly for a loop.
"What?" You blurt out sounding completely flabbergasted, "Is that why you're here? Fucking seriously?" The anger that's been simmer under the surface grows in ferocity once you begin to piece together why he's here. Why he's decided to reinsert himself into your life.
"You're here because you're fucking jealous?"
He has the nerve to look affronted by the assertion, "I'm not jealous-" he starts but, you're beyond frustrated and annoyed right now. Seungkwan would be proud.
"Joshua, please. Then why are you here? Why are you asking about my fucking date? Because you want an update on my life? You haven't reached out to me in fucking months!" You exclaim and you just hope you're not loud enough for any of your neighbours to hear. Though your concerns around that are minimal as the object of your anger walks towards you tentatively.
"I know," he sighs, continuing to run a tired hand through what you assume was his meticulously styled hair, "Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm here. I'm sorry. I just- I just miss you, I think."
Soonyoung has always been fond of calling Joshua an asshole over the course of your relationship and even after its end, but, in this moment, you realise Josh is not just an asshole, he's cruel.
His admission renders you speechless. You probably look comical just staring at him as his words sink into your brain.
'I just- I just miss you.'
He continues on his cruel streak, your carefully constructed walls falling to pieces with every syllable that leaves his full lips, "When you sent me that text, it just felt so awful. I felt awful and I think I realised just how much I missed you. Missed having you around. So I just got in my car and drove here," he breathes out, nearly tripping over his words in a rush to get them out, "I think I'm starting to understand why you came to my place all those months ago," he laughs with very little humour.
You think this is perhaps the most vulnerable you've ever seen him. More than your first date. The first time you told him you loved him. The first time you two slept together. All of those moments could not ever hope to hold a candle to the unadulterated emotions stirring in his doe eyes right now.
"You really suck, you know that?" You respond, the watery quality of your voice not going unnoticed, "Just when I thought I could let you go and move on, you just had to come back and do all of this. Say all of this," you mutter tiredly, shutting your eyes to just have a moment to yourself to think. To breathe.
The press of his forehead against your own is startling but, and you won't ever admit it to anyone else, comforting. It just feels so good to allow yourself to melt into him. The familiar scent of his too expensive cologne infiltrating your senses and muddling your brain further. Your hands grasp the front of his shirt, a shuddering breath leaving your lips.
"I know. I'm sorry," he whispers, and he's just so close, and you remember how easy it was to fall in love with him. How easy it is to continue to fall into him every chance you can.
So you do.
Everything, every voice that sounds like a friend screaming at you that this is a horrible, stupid idea, that you've been doing well, are all silenced when you press your lips to his in a kiss that is more hesitant than anything else. He kisses you back fiercer than you anticipate. Than you're used to from him. Swallowing your startled gasp like it's the first thing he's consumed in days and cupping your face with his large hands. His teeth nip at your bottom lip briefly when a whimper falls from your lips from how aggressive he's being.
"This is my favourite dress of yours," he mutters into your mouth between kisses, the tender way his thumbs brush your face juxtaposing with his desire to seemingly consume you whole, "I've always thought you looked gorgeous in it. So beautiful. Sexy," he continues, one of his hands drifting to palm at the thickest part of your exposed thigh. Arousal pools in the pit of your stomach. The fact that it's been months since you've been with him, been with anyone, fully hitting your body based on how quickly you find yourself becoming wet and your thighs rub against one another.
"My beautiful girl," he whispers, not giving you enough time to process his words before his mouth descends on you again. His hand kneading your thigh in a way that could be considered desperate if this was anyone other than Josh, shoving the material of your dress higher.
Once you remember you can touch him too, your hands find themselves in his now shorter hair, the inky locks filling the gaps between your fingers easily and the groan he presses into your lips worsens the ache you feel at the apex of your thighs. You want him. You don't think you'll ever stop wanting but, seeing him lose his composure for once has your panties sticking to you in a way that grows uncomfortable fast.
"Bedroom," you whisper, maybe part of you is worried that if either of you speak too loudly you'll burst this bubble you've found yourselves in. Josh just nods, tugging you to wobbly feet and pushing you towards your bedroom. His mouth never leaving yours while his hands touch and feel and grope and paw at every part of you they can reach. You try to not think too hard about how this reminds you of the first time he spent the night here and, how easily he seems to remember where your room is.
Fortunately, it doesn't take the two of you long to bump against your bedroom door. Fumbling with it longer than necessary while being lost in each other. A breathless giggle from you fills the quiet space when he curses while struggling to shut it behind him. Your laughter doesn't last long. His lips pressing scorching kisses to your throat as you settle onto your bed. It's like he can't even go a few seconds without touching you somehow. The thoughts prompts your heart to thunder in your chest.
"Can I take this off?" He asks against the hollow of your throat, impatiently tugging on the straps of your dress. You nod quickly, shuddering when he runs his teeth along your pulse and you feel him lightly grinding against your thigh.
"I want you to use your words, baby," baby. He really will be your demise. You can't remember the last time he called you that and, it only further fogs up your mind.
"Yes, Joshie, please," you whimper, your fingernails biting into the muscles of his biceps. The veins on his forearms coupled with the way the muscles flex is just so hot that it feels just the slightest bit unfair. Briefly, you wonder if he wore a short sleeve shirt because he knows how just a little bit stupid his arms make you.
He stills over you. His lidded eyes widening in surprise and, that forces you out of your lust-filled daze. He beats you to it before you can question his change of demeanour.
"You called me Joshie," is all he says in explanation at first, fingers ghosting over your shoulders. The barely there touch causing goosebumps to rise on your skin, "You haven't called me that since we broke up," he finishes and the raw emotion in his eyes renders you unable to respond for a few, long moments.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't-"
"It's okay. More than okay, actually," he cuts you off with a shake of his head, tossling his hair even more, "I didn't realise how much I missed hearing you call me that and Shua until now," he leans down, heavy eyes focusing on your well-kissed lips as his hands begin to slowly undress you, "Please keep calling me by those names."
The control he had slips out of his grasp as his hands tug down the straps of your form-fitting dress. While you'd much rather wind your arms around his broad and solid torso, you concede for these few minutes to help him undress you. Helping him free your arms from your straps before he tugs it off of your body in record time. Between how quickly you find yourself nearly naked and his words, you can't help yourself reaching for him and he happily complies. Nestling himself between your thighs properly while his hands squeeze your breasts over your bra.
"Shua," you whine into his mouth, your hips jolting up to his when you feel him pressed against you. Your hands tug him as close to you as humanly possible. Determined to fuse yourself to him and, based on the way his grip on you grows harsher, he doesn't seem to mind the idea all that much.
"God, I fucking missed you so much," he groans, nuzzling himself into your neck once more. Licking and kissing every millimetre of your skin he can, and every breath hitting you sends you further into madness. You suppose after months of not being touched, even his breath fanning against your skin is enough for goosebumps to rise to your skin and your thighs to clamp around his waist.
"Missed you too, Shua," you sigh, arching into him when his soft lips drift from your throat to sear kisses to the tops of your breasts. His hands reaching behind you to skillfully unclasp your bra and toss it somewhere onto your bedroom floor. Completely forgotten as he takes the opportunity to drink in the sight of your breasts moving with every greedy inhale and shuddering exhale you take.
"God, you're beautiful," he sighs in a way you'd almost describe as dreamy. His irises totally swallowed whole by his dilated pupils. The 'thank you' you intend to respond with is wiped from your mind when he latches onto one of your hardened nipples. His massive hand kneading your other breast to ensure it's not neglected. Your fingers weave into his hair, tugging on it with each tug of his plump lips and lick of tongue. His fingers tugging on your nipple enough to make you gasp from the embers of pain.
"Always so responsive," he chuckles throatily against your skin, pinching your nipple to prove his point. His eyes glinting at the way you moan and grind against his prominent length.
"Stop teasing," you whine, pouting at him. You're taken aback by the way his eyes soften considerably. Leaning up to press a heartbreaking gentle kiss to your more than likely bruised lips while his hand drifts towards your thighs. Swallowing your keens as his stupidly long fingers drag themselves over your panties. Coating them further in your wetness while you attempt to ground yourself by clawing at his broad shoulders.
"I'm sorry," he says and, based on the way he speaks, you're not entirely sure what he what he's apologising for.
His fingers shove your panties to the side and touch your slick folds directly before you're left with your thoughts for too long. "Joshie," you cry into him with every barely there brush of his digits. Your hips bucking into him when they circle your clit before continuing their leisure stroke of you.
"You're so fucking wet already," he groans, returning to your breasts to litter them with much harsher kisses. His fingers shallowly dipping into your entrance but never giving you the satisfaction you so deeply need. "All of this just from some kissing and playing with your tits, baby?" He asks, glancing up at you like you could realistically answer with his long fingers touching you and his breath fanning across your breasts. The amusement in his tone prickling your cheeks in embarrassment, more of your wetness leaking out of you and onto him.
"Or maybe you just get this wet for me." He muses out loud with a grin that's too smug for your liking. "Don't roll your eyes at me like that," he chuckles. However, the lightheartedness of the moment is cut short when he brings the hand that's been toying with your pussy up for you to see.
"I mean, it is true though. Isn't it?" He poses with a glance to gauge your reaction as his fingers spread, your arousal webbing them. You wouldn't be surprised if you were radiating enough heat from your face to rival the sun.
"Shua, that's embarrassing," you whine, avoiding his intense gaze, choosing instead to focus on an imaginary spot over his shoulder.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, baby," he mutters, resting his slick fingers on your bottom lip and focusing on them fully, "If anything, I'm flattered," he finishes with another arrogant uptick of his lips. It doesn't take much nudging for you to part your lips and for him to push his digits into his mouth. A quiet groan hitting your ears when you hum around them, your tongue licking up the taste of yourself eagerly.
"Fuck," he hisses, his thumb catching the drool that slips past your occupied mouth, "I should let you suck on my fingers more often. You look so pretty with them in your mouth," he mutters, grinding his hips against you as he memorises the sight of you gagging on his fingers and lapping at your essence. "Plus, I know how much you like them. You're not very subtle," he laughs, pulling them from your drooling lips and leaning away from you.
He doesn't give you much time to complain or miss his warmth over you, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of your soiled panties and tugging on them so frantically you're worried that he'll rip them. Luckily, they remain intact and soon join the heap of your clothing strawn all over your bedroom floor.
You don't typically have the presence of mind and time to feel self-conscious when you've been with Joshua. Too preoccupied with shutting your brain off and enjoying whatever time with him he lets you have. However, the way he pauses and his eyes leisurely scan your body now tempts you to hide in your pillows. Your heart trying its utmost to burst out of your chest and your blood roaring in your veins all you can hear.
He doesn't leave you to spiral for much longer. Tugging off his shirt that costs more than you think a plain, blue shirt has any right to. Your walls clench hard when your eyes land on the expanses of muscle, skin and arms that are available for you to fully consume.
"I want you to sit on my face," he says and his words are laden with so much unflinching desire. His eyes reflecting the same emotions and, you didn't think it was plausible for you to get any wetter yet, here you are.
"Shua, you don't have to-"
"I want to," he cuts you off with an air of finality. His gaze holding your own and waiting to see if you'd push this.
"I was such a fucking selfish asshole," he huffs, dragging the hand not covered in your spit down his handsome face, "I'm sorry."
You soften at that. Reaching for his hand and lacing your fingers with his, "It's okay."
"It's not," he argues, squeezing your hand before letting it go and settling beside you, "You deserve better than me, you know."
"I've been told," you respond dryly, trying your utmost to keep the images of your friends out of your mind. Basking in the warmth of his body.
"I'll make it up to you. Every chance I can. I promise I'll make it up to you. So, come here," he says as though his words don't close up your throat and cause your heart to hammer against your chest. When he looks at you like that, how could you ever dream of denying him?
Joshua's eyes never leave yours the entire time you move to settle yourself on his handsome face. The look in his eyes makes you feel like you're being set alight from the inside out, only finding a brief reprieve when his focus shifts from your face to your pussy. Large hands palming your thighs while his eyes drink you in.
"Come here," he commands, pulling you towards him. The strength in his hold causes your walls to flutter but, he doesn't force you. Giving you the chance to settle down on his face at your own pace. It doesn't take you much more prompting to do so. Carefully straddling him to make sure he can still breathe and that you're not smothering him. Joshua, however, doesn't care for your concerns. Firmly pulling you down onto him and latching onto your clit like a man starved. Not allowing you a moment to catch your breath. Long fingers biting into your ass as he guides you along his face.
"Shua," you cry, steadying yourself on your headboard while he continues to eager lap at your clit. Your thighs quiver around his head with every suck and lick he gives you, his hold helping you along his tongue. If you could find the strength to crack open your eyes, you would've noticed him watching you. His cock twitching in his boxers with every shuddering exhale and moan from your bruised lips.
The knot in the pit of your stomach tightens faster than you anticipate. Perhaps it's not being touched by anyone for so long or, perhaps it's simply Joshua that has your orgasm building up so quickly. From the way he groans into your drenched folds and his fingers dig into your so harshly that you wouldn't be surprised to find imprints on your ass later, he doesn't. If anything, your fragile state just motivates him. The vibrations from all of his own sounds of pleasure coupled with his unrelenting tongue made it so you really never stood a chance.
He continues to lap at you through one of your most intense orgasms. The grip you have on your headboard bites into your skin but, you can't bring yourselves to care when your walls spasm continously and your vision darkens around the edges. Overwhelmed tears spilling from you and streaking overheated face.
"Joshie," you whimper, your hips attempting to jolt away from him but, his strength is unrelenting. Keeping you firmly situated on his face while his focus shifts lower. A shudder running down your spine and goosebumps once again prickling your skin when he chooses to lap up your wetness directly from the source. The prods of his tongue and brushes of his nose on your clit make your stomach feels as though its tangled in a series of complicated knots.
The tears continue to fall freely as the overstimulation settles itself into your very bones. Your second release hits you like a runaway train. Your choked moans and cries of his name echoing so prominently throughout your bedroom, you're a little worried your neighbours might hear you. Joshua doesn't seem to care all that much. Cursing into your twitching entrance as more of your wetness seeps out of you and onto his awaiting tongue.
His hold on you eases up significantly after that, and with the near nonexistent energy you have and on still shaking thighs, you move off of him. Gracelessly plopping yourself down next to him in an attempt to regain sensation below your waist and come back from whatever dimension his mouth sent you to.
"Are you okay?"
Cracking a tired eye open to meet his heavy but, slightly concerned eyes proves to be a mistake. His hair is a complete and utter mess. Sticking up in every which direction in a way that just endearing him to you. However, the flush to his cheeks and sheen of your juices on the bottom half of his face quickly diminish any less carnal feelings you felt bubbling up for him. Despite nearly blacking out from how hard you came. Twice. Your body still opts to betray you. Your walls clenching around nothing at his dishevelled state and the outline clear as day in his dress pants.
"Yeah," you manage to croak out, cringing at the scratchy quality of your voice.
"Good," he mutters before kissing you. It's much gentler this time around. His tongue still snaking its way into your mouth and, the taste of yourself on it is enough for you to pull him closer to you. Tugging on his hair with every press of his plush lips and nip on your bottom lip. You're reminded that he's very much still hard and hasn't cum when the weight of him rests against your thigh. Just the idea of his cock pulls a wanton whine from you, which he happily swallows.
"Want you," you pant against him, trying your best not to allow yourself to completely lose yourself in his swirling, brown eyes.
"You have me, baby," he responds with more meaning than your fuzzy brain can process right now. His thumb caressing your cheek while he plants quick but, gentle kisses to your lips.
"No," you say, reaching one of your hands between your bodies and cupping him over his pants. He groans against you, his hips jerking against your hand, "I want you, Joshie," you emphasise with a squeeze of his girthy, long cock.
"I wanted tonight to be about you," the drop in octave of his voice only adds to the fresh wave of wetness leaking out of your pulsing hole. "Well, I want to feel you inside of me. That makes it still about me, doesn't it?"
You would laugh at the strangled 'fuck' that leaves his lips if you weren't at your wit's end right now. His kiss is much more aggressive this time around. Barely giving you any time or room to breathe or think while his hands fumble with the buttons and zipper of his pants. Tugging them and his boxers off at record speed and tossing them unceremoniously to join the mess on your bedroom floor. His lips remain attached to yours the entire time. Determined to make you think of nothing but, him.
You moan into each other when his bare cock drags along your drenched folds. His hips shallowly thrusting along you until he's slick with your wetness and his pre-cum. Every nudge of his fat head on your hypersensitive clit causes your lashes to flutter and your hips to meet him in his shallow movements.
"Shua, please," you whimper out when he drifts to kiss and lick your throat once again. His hips never ceasing their movements while his hands occupy themselves with your breasts. Tugging on your nipples while he nips into every bit of your skin his teeth can reach.
"You drive me fucking crazy," he groans, pulling away from you. He doesn't go too far. Gripping himself in his large hand and watching the way he runs along your slit. Drinking in the way you mewl and arch into him, chasing him for every bit of sensation he offers. "Your pussy's so pretty, baby. You'll look even better with my cock spliting you open, yeah?" He breathes, blown out pupils watching your face when he teases your fluttering entrance.
"Yes, yes, Joshie please. Please, just fuck me. I need it, I need you."
That prompts an especially harsh thrust against you, but he still doesn't sink into you, and you think you may just burst into tears from frustration. You'd forgotten his fondness for teasing and pushing you as close as possible to insanity.
"You really want me to fuck you that badly, baby?" The smirk on his face is equal parts irritating and attractive, "You'll even let me fuck you without a condom? My poor, desperate baby," he coos. Shifting his attention away from your face momentarily to watch the way his length teases your hole, his head just barely pushing into you.
"Fuck," you whimpers, gripping your poor sheets for dear life, "Yes, Joshie. Yes, I want you to fuck me raw. Please please pleas-" you choke on a moan when he slowly starts to sink into you. Your head kicks back and whimpers flow freely from your lips with every centimetre of himself he pushes into you. You probably should have let him stretch you out on his long, thick fingers because it takes you a great deal of adjusting to grow accustomed to his cock. His hands scorch your hips and shake with restraint. Determined to allow you ample room to get used to the feeling of him before he really starts to move.
It's difficult to know who moans the loudest when he's finally fully sheathed inside of you. The last time the two of you had forgone condoms was when you were still dating so, the feeling him completely bare sends your mind and body into a tailspin. Your fingernails digging into his back harder than you mean to but, it's not like you can help it when you can feel his cock molding you around him and kissing the deepest parts of you and, he hasn't even moved yet. Joshua, for his part, isn't fairing much better than you. Panting into the space between your neck and shoulder as he attempts to gather his bearings while your walls sporadically clench and unclench around him. It's a little embarrassing how close he already feels but, when your warm, wet walls cling to him, he doesn't think he can be faulted too much.
"Joshie, you ca-can move," you manage to utter with everything within you. Reaching for him and cupping his beautiful face in your hands. You don't want to examine the look in his eyes too closely right now. You don't think your heart can take it, and you fear you'll cry for an entire reason entirely if you do.
He nods. His first thrust is barely a movement at all, calling it shallow would be generous. However, after what has felt like a lifetime without any friction, that miniscule movement is still enough to set off sparks in the base of your spine and a gasp to be punched straight from your already struggling lungs. "I missed you," he grunts into your neck, the slight pain from where he runs over the bruises forming there with his mouth only causing you to clamp down even more around his thick cock.
"Missed you so fucking much. Only thought about you the whole time," he pants while he picks up his speed significantly, his hands keeping you in place while he sets the pace. Glancing up at you to watch the way your face twists with every drag of himself along your sinful walls and bite of your sensitive neck. "Did you miss me? Did you think of me? Think of this cock, sweetheart?"
"Yes," you cry out, trying to fill your greedy, burning lungs with any air you can while you lose yourself in pleasure, in him, "I only ever thought of you, Shua. Missed y-you so much," you moan because it's true. It was so hard staying away from him. From not running to your car and knocking on his door at concerning hours of the night. And now, as he fucks you to tears on his cock, you wonder why you even stayed away from him. From the look he gives you now that makes you feel like you're burning and, from the way his large hands that splay across your hips, you don't know why you ever thought of never seeing him again.
Your respective sounds of pleasure coupled with the obscene sounds of him thrusting into you ring out throughout your room. Bleary eyes drinking in the way his biceps flex and the sheen of sweat that's built up on his tan skin. Inky hair sticking to his damp forehead as he watches himself sink into you over and over and over again. Catching your lidded gaze and leaning down to kiss you, one of his hands cupping your jaw. Drifting downwards to ghost along your throat but, not applying pressure. Still, the thought itself is enough for you to keen against him and tightening around his cock.
"I love you."
Now that catches you totally off guard. Your eyes widening and your blood roaring in your ears. You blink up at him, your lips parting as your brain tries to process his words.
"Joshie," you sigh, lacing your fingers behind his neck and kissing the corner of his lips, "I love you too. I'll always love you," you whisper, not wanting to scare him away and feeling far too much far too quickly that you don't think you could speak louder even if you wanted to.
"Fuck," he grits out, pressing your thighs against your chest and tugging you into another searing, messy lip lock. It's more teeth and spit than an actual kiss but, you're not complaining. "You're mine, right? That other guy could never make you feel the way I do, right baby?" He groans against your mouth. You weren't expecting him to bring up Seokmin now of all times, while his cock bullies the sensitive parts of your walls and you're pretty sure another orgasm is building.
"Joshie-"
"I want you to say it," he mutters, his hand slotting itself between your sweaty, scorching bodies until his fingers find your clit. Not allowing you a chance to adjust, rubbing quick circles into while he continues to split you open on his cock, "that you're mine. That he'd never make you feel this way. Feel this good."
"I'm y-yours, Joshie," you whimper, his body keeping you in place so you have no choice but to allow yourself to be fucked dumb by him. That all too familiar knot tightening and tightening with every brush and stroke, "I'm yours. Always yours. Only yours," you cry out when he bites down on your neck.
You feel him cum before the warning tumbles out of his mouth. His cock pushed into you as deeply as it'll go and it throbs. It throbs and keeps throbbing with every rope of his cum that fills your waiting walls. Drawn out moans burned into your skin while his fingers clumsy continue to rub into you. It's no surprise then, with his warm cum already beginning to leak out of you, that your third orgasm hits you. This one isn't as intense as the previous two but, it does still causes you to squirm underneath him. Slick walls spasming around his softening cock while your combined orgasms trickle out of you and onto your poor sheets.
"Shua, my thighs hurt," you wheeze, tapping his arm. He mutters a tired 'sorry' before slowly pulling out of you and getting off of you. He does take a long moment to sear the image of his cum dribbling out of you into his mind. Shaking his head, he lies down beside you and tugs you to his broad chest. Cuddling with Joshua joins the litany of activities and behaviours you're not used to from him. However, he's so warm and you're so, so tired. It's just so easy to allow yourself to be lulled to sleep by his heartbeat and his hand playing with your hair. It doesn't take long for him to join you in the land of slumber after your eyes flutter shut.
Seokmin💛: Hey, just wanted to let you know I got home! I really did have a great time. I hope we can go out on another date soon :)
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sun-and-moon-mushroom · 5 months
Text
So, here’s my take on a soulmate AU:
Airplane-Shooting-Towards-The-Sky lives in a world where soulmates are real, so of course he wants to give his protagonist one, even though he’s never met the person who will make his own soulmark burn. He has a problem though — he also wants to write a harem for his protagonist and it would take all the drama out of it if his main character had a favourite! He comes up with a solution though, because in this world, soulmates aren’t necessarily romantic (although they often are), just people with their fates intertwined. There have been cases of soulmates who never got along, historical accounts of great rivalries, so why not make the soulmate of the protagonist one of the major villains?
Shen Yuan is one of those people lucky enough to have a soulmate, although his family often joke that he’ll never meet them if he never leaves his room. He’s obsessed with a truly terrible webnovel with surprisingly interesting monsters, and a protagonist that he loves (in a completely platonic way). The protagonist is actually the reason he started reading the book in the first place — he came across some fanart of him online and was struck by how similar the soulmark sitting on his exposed chest was to his own, almost as if they matched. It’s not the exact same, but soulmarks never are, each reflecting the one they mark while representing what links them. When it’s revealed that the main villain of the first part of the book, the one who spent years tormenting the protagonist before pushing him into a hell he spent years trying to escape… he’s disappointed somewhat. Sure, Luo Binghe has his harem, his hundreds of wives but… he couldn’t help but wish that he’d had a better soulmate.
Shen Jiu realises the mistake he’s made accepting a new disciple just because Ning Yingying had asked for it when he feels the soulmark hidden underneath his skin burn the moment the little beast gets close. It’s nothing he can’t tolerate, even as he watches as the boy gasps from the pain. He’s felt much worse when the brand was lowered over his own mark to make it ‘match’ the false one given to Qiu Haitang as a child to ensure her family’s status remained unquestioned. Even with the scar mostly erased by his level of cultivation, traces of it still remain. He refuses to care for this child — he’s lived his entire life perfectly fine without a soulmate, and the little beast will be better off the same.
Luo Binghe wipes tea off his face with his new disciple robes, already dirtied so soon after he got them, as the pain in his chest subsides. He doesn’t know what it was, he wasn’t sick or injured or anything like that. It almost felt like what he’d heard some people describe meeting your soulmate to be like — but Luo Binghe has never had a soulmate. The closest he has is an odd birthmark on his chest, but everyone knows that a soulmark is something else completely (when Su Xiyan sealed away his demonic heritage, she also sealed his soulmark) (when he stands on the edge of the Endless Abyss he’ll feel that burning pain again and know what it is).
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cmncisspnandmore · 2 months
Text
One Night Stand Part 7
Pairings: Simon "Ghost" Riley X Pregnant! Reader
Warnings: Medical drama, Fluff,
A/N: Hi loves, sorry for taking so long, i just moved into a new house and its been a lot. And honestly my mental health is trash. This part was also really hard to write for me because I had this happen to me. And i didnt realize how triggering it would be to write about it but the best way to get through the trauma is to write about it, right? maybe? no? well, anyways sorry if it sucks. i'll do better next time.
Word count: 1833...
New to the series? Catch up here: Part 6,
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Your head pounded as you laid across the soft couch, each throb timed perfectly with the beating of your heart. There was no cuteness in pregnancy, not in your eyes at least. The glow that most women talked about was nothing more than a sheen of sweat that collected on your brow from your every move. There was a tiny human playing soccer with your organs, your ribcage the goal. They kicked wildly at the space below your ribs, the feeling enough to make you want to throw up. 
The past few days had been rough, you had a headache from hell and you just felt drained. Simon was concerned but you had chalked it up to the lingering cold you had going on. But now as you lay on the couch your stomach rolling with each passing moment you aren't so sure. Simon was on base today, having to complete some paperwork. He had woken you this morning, his lips peppering your face with soft kisses. 
He had tried to stay home but you had insisted he go, that you would be fine you would call if you needed him. Since he had left a few hours ago he had called you a few times, and you had reassured him each time that you were okay, you were just going to rest on the couch until he got home. You weren’t sure how long had passed since Simon had last called, but you had started to gradually feel worse. You push yourself up onto your elbows, and the world begins to spin around you. A wave of dizziness, crashing into you, as you blindly reach for your phone. 
You swallow trying to will yourself not to throw up. It takes you a few moments to find Simon's name in the phone, and putting it on speaker. It rings longer than normal but right before it goes to voicemail his panicked voice answers. “Hello? Y/n? What's wrong?”
“Simon… I… I don't feel good,” your voice shakes as you struggle to keep the phone in your hand. 
“Bloody hell, It’s alright Love, stay on the phone with me, i’m on my way,” there’s shuffling and the sound of boots hitting the floor in the background. “You’ll be okay, what's going on?”
“I have a headache… I'm nauseous, and I just don't feel good at all, I think something is really wrong,” you mumble, swaying slightly as you sit on the couch. 
“Okay, Love, do you have any swelling in your hands or feet?” The sound of Simon's truck revving filters through the phone. 
“Yeah a little,” You lean forward to the best of your ability and press on the top of your foot watching as your finger makes a light indent in the skin.
“Fuck..” Simon curses under his breath, “Love, go put your coat on, I’ll be there in a moment. Okay? We’re gonna go to the hospital.” 
“Simon?” you whisper, your voice shaking as you push yourself to stand, bracing yourself on the couch.
“Yeah love?”
“I’m scared…” you whisper, squeezing your eyes closed as tears threaten to spill down your cheeks. 
“I know, I'm pulling up now okay, I'm gonna hang up okay? I just parked the truck, I'm coming to get you.” Simon's voice cuts off as the line goes dead. You shuffle over to the coat rack and start to pull on your coat. Hot tears roll down your cheeks as you hold the coat closed around your stomach. A sharp pain under your ribs causing you to gasp, and brace your hands on the kitchen counter. 
The sound of heavy boots stops outside the door as Simon pushes into the apartment. He’s still wearing all his gear, his tight black t-shirt, his cargo pants and skull mask on. His brown eyes are full of concern as he walks towards you, his large hands resting on your hips. 
“C’mon Love lets get you checked out,” He whispers, pressing his lips to your forehead. Simon’s arms carefully pull you into him, resting your back against his chest as he guides you from the apartment and down to the car. Your mind feels cloudy and far away as Simon secures you into the truck. His hands brushing along your stomach as he fastens your seatbelt. You close your eyes focusing on the revving of the engine as Simon weaves the large black truck in and out of traffic. It was only moments later that it came to a screeching halt outside the A&E doors. He barely had the truck in park before he was jumping out and scooping you up in his arms. He cradles you against his chest as he bursts through the sliding glass doors.
“I need some help!” his voice is loud against your ear. The vibrations of it through his chest causing you to groan in pain. Each movement felt like it was sucking the soul out of you. Every breath hurt and you just wanted to sleep, but soon there were nurses and doctors swarming you. Each of them throws questions towards you, only to have Simon reply for you. 
“How far along is she?” a doctor asks as she shines a bright light in your eyes. 
“28 Weeks,” Simon's voice is laced with panic.
“Okay, let's get her up to Labor and Delivery people let's go! Someone call the NICU unit!” the on-call emergency room doctor calls out. It was like a swarm of bees, suddenly everyone was doing something. Someone was poking your arm with an IV while another was taking your blood pressure. You weren't sure whose hands belonged to who or what was going on. But after a few moments there was too much going on for your brain to process, and you passed out.
~~~~~
The beeping of the monitors was oddly familiar to you, like when you woke up after being caught in the stairwell after the apartment building you were living in caught fire. But this time there was an icy chill that ran down your spine when you heard it. The memories of what happened come flooding back.
Calling Simon, him rushing home, being rushed to A&E, the doctors concerned voice. The overwhelming sense of panic, and then nothing. You slowly pry our eyes open, fighting against the heaviness. The first thing you see is Simon's blonde hair, the wild strands sticking up at odd angles as it rests against the light blue hospital blanket. Your hand is trapped under his head. His cheek pressed firmly into the back of it. You wiggle your fingers slightly and he stirs. His head lifting, brown eyes blinking slowly as he came around. 
“Y/N?” He asks softly, his eyes meeting yours.
“Hi,” you croak softly, your throat dry and a little sore. 
“Oh god, baby, you scared me so much,” Simon whispers, his hands coming to cup your cheeks. He was still wearing his gear, minus his mask and vest, his black shirt slightly wrinkled. 
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your right hand moving reflexively to rest on your stomach. You pause, eyes widening as the once firm bump is now squishy and numb. The world seems to stop spinning, time slowing. Your heart wants to stop beating in your chest but it won't listen. 
 “N-No.” Your voice cracks, eyes welling with tears and a look of confusion crosses Simon's face before he looks at your right hand. 
“Oh! No, love, shhh stop it’s okay. The baby is okay.” He rushes out, grabbing your left hand in his. His face is full of concern, his brow furrowed as he watches you slightly relax. After a moment you let out a shaky breath.
“What happened?” You whisper, looking up at him, his hand still clutched tightly around yours.
“You had PreEclampsia, but a severe case of it called HELLP syndrome. I’m not entirely sure what it means but they said the only way to save your life was to deliver the baby. So they performed an emergency C-Section and had to give you a blood transfusion. The baby is okay, they’re in the NICU. I haven't been able to see them yet, but a nurse came about an hour ago and said that they were fighting like crazy and we should be able to see them soon.” He explains, his brown eyes welling with tears. 
His voice is rough and strained, “I thought I was gonna lose you both.”
Hot tears well in your eyes as he admits his fear. A man as big and strong as Simon looked so small at that moment. He looked like a lost child who couldn't find home. The brave soldier who willingly ran into warzones and fought people with his bare hands had never looked so helpless. It was in this rare moment that you got to see the person behind the hardened soldier. The man who truly thought he was going to lose the person he cared about, and his child. Your heart ached for him, you wished you could take the worry and pain he had felt away but you couldn't. 
Fresh tears spilled down your cheeks, he must've been so scared, felt so hopeless. He was usually able to control some aspect of the situations he was in. He could fight his way out of the worst scenarios, he could plan an escape, and he was always prepared for things if they went south. But he wasn't able to fix you, he had been completely helpless as Doctors worked to save not only your life but that of his unborn child. 
“Oh baby, don't cry,” Simon's thumb strokes the skin under your cheek as he wipes away your tears. 
“I’m sorry I scared you,” you whisper, voice tight.
“It's not your fault, i’m just glad you're both okay.” He whispers, leaning forward and brushing his lips against your cheek.
“Tell me about the baby,” you blink away the rest of the tears, taking a steadying breath.
“It’s a girl, she weighs 1lb 2oz, and she's so small i don't even think she’d fill my entire palm. They aren't sure entirely what her future looks like, but the nurse that came in to check on you said she was a fighter, and she felt really good about her outcome.” He smiles, his brown eyes filled with pride as he talks about his daughter.
A daughter.
You had a daughter now.
The thought alone was crazy to you, you had been so sure the entire time it was a boy. You had a gut feeling but you were wrong, and you weren’t unhappy about it. You didn't care either way, the only thing you cared about was that they were okay.  That they would pull through everything and you would get to bring them home eventually. 
There's a soft knock on the door and a nurse with red hair pokes her head in. 
“Hi, do you two wanna go meet your daughter?”
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Next Part: Part 8
Taglist: @coffeeandtealol, @natashamea18, @itsmytimetoodream @humanities-cutest @ajrfanz @jggykhug09090 @dedicateeverythingtomilkshake @ashreblogsnow
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lonely-cowboy · 4 months
Note
hi!! how are you? i just wanted to tell you that i am obsessed with your writings omg :’((( i can’t even put into words how happy i am to find your account, the way you write connor is just <33
i was wondering if it’s okay to request something where connor is being protective over fem!reader?maybe some hurt/comfort with fluff in the end <3 I don’t have a specific scenario in my head, so it’s totally up to you, and i would love anything you decide to write for this request!!! also, you are totally free to ignore this if you don’t feel inspired enough by this request, it’s absolutely okay! ♡
thank you! have an amazing day and please sorry for my english, it’s not my first language
ugh thank you my love this is so sweet to hear!! i'm so sorry it took me so long to post, midterms have not been fun my friends. i fear this is not my best work, but i hope you can still enjoy our silly android boy <3 you have an amazing day too!!
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helping hand
pairing: connor (rk800) x f!reader
summary: connor comes to help you when you don't need him. again.
word count: 1.6k
warnings: graphic(?) violence (connor shoots a guy oops)
author's note: i write way too many first kisses and this is no exception. prepare for silly goofy domestic married fluff in the future bc that's what i live for
masterlist ⟡ requests
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You could’ve handled it all perfectly fine on your own. You didn’t need Connor’s help, you didn’t want Connor’s help. You were entirely capable of taking down a runaway vigilante on your own.
Sure, maybe it was stupid of you to run off on your own to the crook’s last known location the second the call was made. But he had been only three blocks away from you. What were you supposed to do, wait for backup? Of course not. You had the opportunity to catch a known criminal, so you took the risk. It was all part of the job.
You found yourself at an empty construction site with your gun drawn and pointed at the runaway criminal. You inched closer to your target– some crazy, murderous, anti-android protestor, there were a lot of those these days– slowly drawing your cuffs. You reached forward to restrain his wrists, fingertips brushing against his skin.
And then you were on the ground. You had been practically tackled, your temple striking the rocky earth hard enough that it looked like the world was spinning.
You sat up uneasily as you tried to orient yourself. Who in the world would have shoved you like that? The only indicator was your attacker’s quick “Sorry, Detective.”
You grunted in frustration as your vision cleared, focusing on the one person you did not want to see: Connor.
In all the time it took you to readjust, Connor had taken the vigilante to the ground. He stood overtop the criminal who groaned between crazed laughter. Connor’s foot pressed firmly into the criminal’s chest, a gun– that certainly did not belong to the android– pointed directly at the laughing man’s face.
You moved slowly from the ground, holding your surely bruised side. Your gaze was locked on Connor’s trigger finger, anxiously anticipating gunfire. You feared what it could mean if Connor pulled the trigger. 
“Connor,” you warned quietly, your voice steadier than expected. 
As you approached, you noticed the twitch of his finger. His LED was cycling through every color imaginable, his brows furrowing and unfurrowing as he held the criminal’s gaze.
“Never even think about touching her again,” Connor spit, his voice so cold that it frightened even you.
The pinned criminal only laughed, an ugly wheezing sound as Connor’s foot dug deeper into his chest. “An android in love, huh? Never thought I’d see–”
Connor’s foot rose quickly, stomping hard on the crook’s face until he was knocked out cold. From the impassive look on Connor’s face, you could tell he was practically seething. But that didn’t matter. Now was not the time to comfort him because you were equally as angry. 
With an agitated huff, you shoved Connor by the shoulders as hard as possible. He barely moved at all, only adding fuel to your fire.
It was then that Connor seemed to snap out of his daze and remember you were there. He turned to you abruptly and discarded the gun, his hands finding their place on your biceps with a firm grip. His eyes immediately scanned over your frame, analyzing you for any damage. The only damage he found was what he had done.
The crease between his brows returned as he reached up to touch your throbbing temple. When he pulled his hand back, his elegant fingers were tipped with your blood.
“Did he do this?” Connor questioned, an edge of doubt in his voice.
“No, Connor,” you snapped, shaking off his hands. “You did this! And it wouldn’t have happened if you had just let me do my job for once!”
His LED blinked a steady red. Funny how it matched the blood on your temple.
“Detective, I was only trying to help,” he reasoned feebly.
“I don’t need your fucking help, Connor! I was handling this just fine on my own! And then here you come to save the day yet again, all knight in shining armor! Acting like I’m your damsel in distress, in need of saving!”
“Did you know he was armed?” Connor asked dismissively, quizzically cocking his head in a way that usually enamored you but only seemed to irritate you now. 
You opened your mouth to retort, but nothing came out as you processed Connor’s words. Armed? No, you hadn’t known he was armed. But if you admitted that then you would’ve looked stupid, like you needed Connor’s help. Like you were some damsel in distress.
When you didn’t answer, Connor gestured to his forgotten gun. “That was his. He was preparing to shoot you.”
“I could’ve easily disarmed him,” you scoffed, crossing your arms arrogantly. “I’m a trained professional.”
“The probability of success was 29%,” Connor stated matter-of-factually. “A majority of outcomes would have resulted in your death, Detective. I couldn’t take that risk.”
“Then maybe you’re not cut out for this job,” you growled. “This job is all about taking risks, Connor. I knew that when I signed up, and you should too.”
Your harsh tone made Connor pause, though he was quick to recover. He was determined for you to understand. 
“If I can prevent your death, then I will. I won’t let your pride stop me,” he said.
It was your turn to pause, lips pursing into a thin line at the reality of Connor’s words. You knew he was right. He was right, he was right, he was right. But you refused to acknowledge that. 
When you opened your mouth to speak, nothing came out besides a yelp.
So quickly you could barely process what happened, Connor’s grip on your arms tightened as he spun you around. One arm wrapped around your shoulders to pull you into his chest protectively while his other hand moved to your holstered gun.
A single shot was fired. And an accurate shot, you guessed, by the sound of a slumping body.
Peeking past Connor, you found the body of your runaway criminal, a bullethole pierced right through his skull. You made note of the gun beside his fallen body, the same gun Connor had carelessly discarded.
You felt Connor return your gun to its holster before his hand moved to your chin. He turned your attention away from the dead body, forcing you to focus on him instead.  
“I know you’re capable, Detective,” Connor murmured, his voice full of a fondness you hadn’t noticed before. “But that doesn't mean I can’t help. I feel better knowing you’re safe than assuming you are.”
You swallowed hard as you held Connor’s steady gaze. His free hand moved to brush your aching temple. His touch was so gentle you could barely feel it as he wiped away the blood with a frown.
“I only wanted to keep you safe,” Connor explained, his voice holding a tinge of– was that regret? “And I only managed to hurt you myself. Maybe you’re right, Detective. You don’t need me. I’m sorry.”
Your hand moved to tug Connor’s hand away from your temple, holding him in your warm grip. His thumb rubbed against your knuckles soothingly as if it was second nature to him.
“I do. I do need you,” you insisted suddenly, surprising even yourself. One minute, you’re practically yelling at Connor for helping. The next, you’re reassuring him that you’ll always need him. You were confusing even yourself, you couldn’t imagine how confused Connor, the poor android. “I… I do. But… not all the time.”
Again, that crease between Connor’s brows returned, your lips forming a smile at the sight.
“I don’t appreciate you enough,” you continued with a defeated sigh. “I do need you. If it wasn’t for you, I’d already be dead, you’re right. You’ve saved me twice today. But that doesn’t mean I need you to swoop in and save me every single time. I can still handle myself.”
“I know… I know…,” Connor whispered, his eyes unfocused as if lost in thought.
You let a beat of silence pass, watching Connor expectantly. There was something he wanted to say, it was on the tip of his tongue. So you patiently waited until he found the words.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
An android in love.
The criminal’s words replayed in your mind as they suddenly came back to you. At the time, you hadn’t completely processed what he said, your anger outweighing any thoughts of reason.
An android in love.
“Was he… was he right?” you asked after a beat to which Connor tilted his head with a puzzled look. Damn him for not being able to read your mind and immediately know what you were struggling to say. “The guy. What he said… He said that you…”
“Are in love,” Connor finished, his tone flat and conveying not a single sense of love.
“Yeah…,” you shrugged.
“If love can be defined by a desire to keep you safe, then yes, I would say I’m in love with you.”
With you.
With you.
He was in love with you.
You couldn’t hide your wide grin, ignoring the warmth that had suddenly spread to your cheeks. Seeing your grin, the corners of Connor’s lips quirked into a small smile too. Your faces naturally moved closer together until your noses were brushing, the warmth of each other’s breath against your lips.
Connor leaned closer. Closer, closer…
He was going to kiss you, and you were going to ruin it.
“You know,” you interrupted, pulling back no more than an inch. But it was enough to make Connor frown. “I’d rather not kiss next to the dead guy.”
You couldn’t help but laugh as Connor’s smile returned, an affection glint in his eyes. His hand found yours, pulling you away from the scene.
“Backup is on the way,” he said. “They can handle this on their own.”
With his hand in yours, Connor led you away. He gave your hand a quick squeeze. It was a reassurance. A sign that you were safe with him, that he would do whatever it took to protect you. You returned his firm squeeze. Because you would do the same for him. 
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