#the corn chips thing last season got me too

[maybe-theres-hope]

Ok I gotta say something abt this ep

and fellow texans from other areas please tell me if I'm wrong

but I grew up in southeast texas and half my body is basically made up of tex-mex my blood is 72% red enchilada sauce at this point and I have NEVER, NOT ONCE IN MY WHOLE ASS LIFE

SEEN AN OLIVE IN ANY TEX-MEX DISH EVER

i was so blown away by that I'm like..............excuse me????????? 🤣

[lotstradamus]

inspired by the manchester anon haha but do you have any tips and suggestions for visiting leeds? 🩷

I've lived here for 2 years now (!!!) but somehow I still don't really know my way around and just go to the same 5 places and use google maps to get anywhere else. it's sad. but here's some shit I love:

Grindhouse - cheap drinks, loads and loads of seats, never too full, music a reasonable volume, and they project 80s movies on the back wall. we once sat in here for 2 hours cos Stand By Me was on. one time we watched the bar staff earnestly tell a group of women on a hen do that the bar was closed and they weren't serving any more drinks, at 7:45pm. 10/10.

Rudy's - only 9 cities* in this fair nation have a Rudy's, so I'm going to keep reccing it for everyone else. perfect Neapolitan pizza. *Leeds, Manchester, Sheffield, Birmingham, Nottingham, Durham, London, York, Liverpool - if you live in one of these places and haven't been to Rudy's yet, sort it out.

Neon Cactus - go here on a Wednesday and order wings, and you'll get half price margs. lots of great Mexican scran. don't take anyone too picky or over 50, because the price for the great food and vibes is that at least one thing you order will be incorrect. but roll with it. half price margs, man.

Empire Cafe - book in advance if you want to sample the delights of Empire Cafe, cos there's like 6 tables max. everything is seasonal, changes on the daily, and is insanely delicious. if you want to experience heaven, order the steak and chips with salsa verde. there is NOTHING like it.

Stuzzi - another seasonal, small plate sort of place, but Italian. amazing food and a gorgeous restaurant. go with a big group and order one of everything.

Eat Your Greens - ANOTHER seasonal restaurant! this one is farm-to-fork and organic. I can’t speak to the quality as I haven’t actually been, but I am a frequenter of their GREENGROCER, which is MEGA. last time I think I left with natty wine, pâté, some insane tinned fish, a jar of harissa and a bag of sunset potatoes. if you like food, go here.

SARTO - fresh, handmade pasta and picky bits. another great place to go with a group and order all the starters. I had a celeriac pasta there last year that I think about on a fairly regular basis; I picked it cos it was the weirdest sounding thing on the menu and it was fucking mouthwatering. good quality and good people! and it's next door to The Wardrobe, so perfect for a pre-gig tea.

Santiago Bar - like Grindhouse (alternative, casual) but the music is louder and you'll find yourself doing tequila shots at 1am and screaming along to, like, Don Broco. it's the best.

Blue Collar Boys - as a rule I hate 'vintage' clothes shops (overpriced, ugly, everything is XXS), but this place seems to specialise solely in American t-shirts and sweatshirts from the 90s in exactly my size, and everything is £10. this is amazing and a huge bargain if you find something like vintage Wranglers and a Playboy bomber jacket (£20, my wife) but not so amazing or a bargain if you find 3 t-shirts with holes in (£30, me). we've never been without finding shit we love. they only open on random weekends, and they always seem to have more stuff than they could possibly ever sell. it's a freaky vintage alternate universe.

The Corn Exchange - a big gorgeous ol' building full of little businesses. vintage, handmade, tattoos, coffee, jewellery, independent brands, yarn, shoes, a barbers, a bookshop, they've got it all. very easy to spend £100 and 6 hours. every so often they have a market on the bottom floor. perfect tiny representation of Leeds: quirky, independent, delicious, cool.

Silver's Deli - this is a 9-minute train ride away in Bramley (my ends!) but has become THEE buzzy foodie spot recently. go on a sunny saturday morning (cos you will probably have to sit outside) and order the everything sandwich. thank me later. if they have scotch eggs or sausage rolls on, I beseech you, order both. and if you want the sunday special prepare to get there at 11 and fight.

Against the Grain - if you've come to Bramley for Silver's, you may as well trundle 10 minutes up the road and visit the best bar in Leeds. cosy, casual, full of locals, hidden in Swinnow Mills. it's a sit-around-and-chat-to-people sort of place, with bonus charcuterie boards AND a pizza van on weekends. we are here A LOT, because Gray's Salon and Rose and Thorn Tattoo are both in the Mill, and we give them all our money. oh! and dog friendly. sooo many dogs.

Project House/Galleria - if you've gotten the train out to Bramley for Silver's and ATG, jump on the 72 back to town and get off at Project House to eat MORE food. Galleria is a great place to get breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and Project House has EVERYTHING (depending on the day). yoga! gigs! vintage fairs! a bi-annual tattoo convention meets makers market with food vendors called Hand of Glory! check what's on and head on down to support local!

Kirkstall Bridge Inn - another one local(ish) to me, but worth travelling out of town for; a PROPER pub (i.e. no tv, no sports, no shite) that does roasts upstairs and lets dogs in downstairs. outdoor seating right by the canal, and every so often they put something on and the car park turns into a tiny festival. Kirkstallpalooza is a highlight. great place to finish a nice canal walk (who am I?!).

tl;dr sorry that this is obnoxiously long, I love Leeds

[sereniv]

SURPRISE HATE MAIL ALERT:

binch

Today, I thought was going to be a good day.

I awoke this morning feeling oddly well-rested and despite having stayed up all night, as I do every night, this didnt seem to affect my sleep. For that I was grateful and I can easily say I still am. Or so I thought.

I used that energy I then had, to continue my routine of walking the dog which is something I had stopped doing for the past 2 days due to my hypersomnia getting the best of me. I not only felt proud of myself upon returning home from the much needed exercise, but I also felt...happy. I felt refreshed, rejuvinated, though also a little worn out; the type of feeling that really helps create a positive attitude for the rest of the day.

I made myself breakfast which consisted of a very basic 'dilla' filled with seasoned rice and pinto beans, sour cream, and some blue corn chips. Though I could have turned this dilla into a quesadilla, I still was wary of this energy I had and thus didn't want to extend more effort than I needed to.

Which you might be thinking, "How much more energy does it take to add cheese to a meal?", and with that I say: Do not question me.

During my meal, my grandmother and I sat down and enjoyed the rest of Chicken Run. We had started it yesterday night, but seeing as I was too tired we had to stop half way through. This is a common occurance and one that saddens me deeply.

After the movie, it was time to take our dog to the groomers for a scheduled nail trim and bath. An expensive appointment, but a necessary one.

We were told it would be around 3 hours until it was time to pick her back up, so I thought this would be the perfect time to work on my commission. And that I did.

I put my wireless earbuds in, which luckily I had remembered to charge last night, and set my playlist on shuffle and got to work.

Now, to be honest, I didn't just work on my commission. To help myself avoid burnout, I cycle through my commissions and my self indulgent fanart and I am very grateful to have a fandom to provide me with that. And though I sometimes get well invested in drawing said fanart, i cant say im not making good progress with the drawing I was paid to do.

After some time, I began to get tired and with great self control decided to take a nap; and though protested by a friend, I knew that if I didn't lay down then, that I would not be able to hang out later- that which we had planned earlier that day.

So I took a 6 hour long nap, and yet again I felt well rested (to my understandable suprise). I was feeling good, energized, and as per my usual routine, decided to check tumblr.

I did not expect to see what I saw in my activity feed: This Very Anonymous Message.

"No..." I thought to myself, "No, this can't be...this shouldn't be...". I started to weep.

I am now too bored and tired to continue this dumb thing lol

I love this hate mail so much i will cherish it always ty "Anon" ( @tea-withnofixinsplease )

[sparktober]

Sparktober Bingo 2021!

Back for a new generation: Sparktober Bingo!

Instead of coming up with an Atlantis-specific list of prompts, I compiled a bunch of 2021 -tober prompt lists into one google doc here. (Links to original prompt lists are on the google doc.) Add in a list of Atlantis episodes and...

How to play:

Choose a “flavor” from the prompt sets below the cut, then paste it into this fandom bingo card generator.

Adjust your browser size til it looks right and take a screenshot, or use the html script if you’re familiar with using html on tumblr. Tag @sparktober​ if you want us to reblog it so everyone knows you’re playing!

  Sparktober Bingo Rules:

Complete a row/column, corners, or a blackout of your card by November 1, or not! Update as you go.

All fan-works are allowed: art, edits, fic, meta... bonus points to anyone who picks the “sprinkles” flavor and goes full mid-aughts by filling their bingo cards with 100x100 pixel icons.

You are allowed to pull multiple cards until you get one that inspires you, and you can also go through the prompt list of your choice in advance to pull out squicks or things you absolutely won’t write. I recommend not googling unfamiliar words from your work computer.

Use the prompts liberally! Episode titles can be treated as the episode or as generic prompts (e.g. “Epiphany” can be for an episode-related fic or a prompt for an epiphany of your choice).

  Flavor descriptions:

VANILLA: Gen prompt lists from Fictober, Inktober, Trektober Gen, and Trektober Trek.

CHOCOLATE: Zesty prompt lists from Trektober NSFW, Kinktober, and Whumptober. The multiple-prompts-per-day from Kinktober and Whumptober have been broken into individual prompts.

CANDY CORN: Fall / holiday themed prompts from TUA-tober.

SPRINKLES: Atlantis episode list (in order, in case you only want to copy certain seasons), along with characters and a few Atlantis-specific prompts.

TWIST: All of the above! (You can also manually mix and match different flavors, of course.)

Text blocks to copy into the bingo card generator are below the cut. Enjoy!!

VANILLA

“I need you.”; “You have no proof.”; “I’ve waited for this.”; “Fine, I give up.”; “I’m not saying I told you so…”; “Didn’t we already have this conversation?”; “That could have gone better.”; “This is it, isn’t it?”; “There’s no right side to this.”; “It’s so quiet.”; “I swear, it’s not always like this.”; “You keep me safe.”; “The things you make me do…”; “Your information was wrong.”; “I like that in you.”; “Not this again.”; “I’m with you, you know that.”; “This was not part of the plan.”; “I feel strange.”; “That’s what I’m known for.”; “What did I say?”; “No promises.”; “This time, do what I say.”; “Is this supposed to impress me?”; “Do you know what time it is?”; “I’m sure this has never worked, ever.”; “You could have died!”; “I don’t have to explain myself.”; “Why are we whispering?”; “Don’t ruin this.”; “Take me with you.”; Crystal; Suit; Vessel; Knot; Raven; Spirit; Fan; Watch; Pressure; Pick; Sour; Stuck; Roof; Tick; Helmet; Compass; Collide; Moon; Loop; Sprout; Fuzzy; Open; Leak; Extinct; Splat; Connect; Spark; Crispy; Patch; Slither; Risk; Meet-Cute; Amnesia; Age Difference; Pining; Sick Fic; Fake Relationship; Accidental Meeting; Epistolary; Secret Identity; Historical AU; Nightmares; Monster Hunter; Reunion; Soulmates; At Pride; Angst; Seasons; Fix-It; Coffee Shop; Movie Plot AU; Kid Fic; Actor's Other Crossover Work; OT+; Getting Together; Only One Bed; Pirates; Making Up; Forbidden Relationship; Tattoos; Halloween; Prime Directive; Lower Decks / Background Characters; Away Mission; Ship's Bar; Aliens Made Them Do It; Observation Deck; Crew with Family; Holodeck; Science Crew; Character Survives; Headcanons; Diplomacy; Decontamination; Trek Crossover; Replicator; Worldbuilding; Redshirts; Sex / Love Potion; Medical Crew; Transporters; Medbay; Interspecies Relationship; Mirrorverse; Uniforms; Mutiny; Stranded on a Planet; Rec Room; Academy Era; Second Contact; Command Crew; Off-Duty

  CHOCOLATE

A/B/O; Soft; Anonymous Sex; Penetration with Object/s; Sleeping; Intercrural Sex; Restraints; In/Under Water; Group Sex; First Time; Possessive Behavior; Dry Humping / Grinding; Overstimulation; Roleplay; Rimming; Stretching / Fisting; Power Imbalance; Food Play; Fingering; Body Worship; Sex Work; Voyeurism / Exhibitionism; Safewords; Technology; Oral Sex; Omorashi / Wetting; Crying; Underwear / Lingerie; Friends with Benefits; Pain Kink; Dirty Talk; Trick or Treat; All trussed up and nowhere to go; Talking is overrated; Sticks and stones may break my bones...; Trust fall; I've got red in my ledger; Touch and go; My spidey-sense is tingling; Coughing up a lung; Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated; Oops, I did it again; Just keep swimming; It'll be fun, they said; That's gonna leave a mark; Under pressure; Feed a cold, starve a fever; On a need-to-know basis; Field care 101; The doctor is in; Just a scratch; Lost & found; That's where the blood's supposed to be; They made me do it; You break it, you buy it; One down, two to go; Hide & Seek; You will go down with this ship; “I'm fine, I prom...”; It's (not) just in your head; All work and no play; Digging your grave; Hurt & Comfort; “You have to let go.”; Garotte; Taunting; “Do you trust me?”; Betrayal; Bruises; Helplessness; Pneumothorax; Presumed Dead; Hospital; Adrift; Torture; “This is gonna suck.”; Crush injuries; Delirium; Recovery; “Please don't move.”; “Now smile for the camera.”; Bitten; Trunk; Bleeding through bandages; Cursed; Auction; Self-induced injuries to escape; Escape; Fallen; Passing out; “Good, you're finally awake.”; “You're still not dead?”; Major character death; Disaster zone; Barbed Wire; Choking; Insults; Taken Hostage; Misunderstanding; Touch Starved; Numbness; Exotic Illness; (Blind) Rage; Flare-Up; Drowning; Made To Watch; Burns; Beaten; Fever Dreams; Scars; Hemorrhage; Doctor Visit; Bleeding; Trapped Under Water; Pressure; Demon; Ransom; Flashback; Flight; Waterfall; Vertigo; Nightmares; Too Weak To Move; Left For Dead; Trauma; Bound; Gagged; “Who Did This To You?”; Pushed; Broken Nose; Hunger; Blindness; “Definitely Just A Cold”; Tears; Ice Chips; Dehydration; Begging; Cauterization; Force; Bees; Aftermath; Dread; Cpr; Stabbing; Solitary Confinement; Blood-Matted Hair; Obsession; Pursuit; Revenge; Hiding; Trap Door; Collapse; Panic; Overworked; Ghosts; Prisoner; Losing Control; Threats; Caning; Mercy; Forgotten; Head Injury; Screaming; Comfort; Self-Sacrifice; Trapped; Near-Death Experience; Regret; Tragedy; Battlefield; Anxiety; Gore; Petplay; Bimbofication; Panties & Lingerie; Bondage; Double Penetration in 2 Holes; Breeding; Humiliation; NTR; Incest; Emeto; Omorashi; Free Use; Crossdressing; Public; Three (or more) some; Daddy & Mommy; Double Penetration in 1 Hole; Distention & Cockbulge; Xenophilia; Shotgunning; Watersports; Pregnancy; Lactation; Waxplay; Grooming; Human Furniture; Feet; Prostituion; MacroMicro; Spanking; Cockwarming; Glory Hole; Somnophilia; Body Modification; Temperature Play; Leather; Size Difference; Sounding; Stockings; Tentacles; Medical Play; Stripping; Orgasm Denial; Master & slave; Scissoring; Titfucking; Frottage; Knifeplay; Formal Wear; Breathplay; Fisting; Pegging; Scat; Beastiality; Fucking Machine; Tickling; Boot Worship; Bukkake; Collaring; Foodplay; Non or dubcon; Feederism; Sensory Deprivation; Oviposition; Clone & Selfcest; Exhibitionism & Voyeurism; Impact Play; Sadomasochism; Bloodplay; Praise Kink; Body Swap; Sweat; Branding; Massage; Role Reversal; Armpit; Masturbation; Inflation; Sex Toys; Burnplay; Menophilia; Stuck in Wall; Deepthroating & Facesitting; Dacryphilia; Hate Sex

  CANDY CORN

Birthday; Sick Day; Autumn; Candles; Plaid / Flannel; Leaf Piles; Sweaters; Baking; Cinnamon; Pumpkin Spice Latte; Carnival; Movie Night; Candy; Graveyard; Black Cats; Goosebumps; Pumpkin; Party; Monster; Ghosts; Witch; Vampire; Traditions; Magic; Mask; Haunted House; Trick; Treat; Costume; Monster Mash; Halloween

  SPRINKLES

Rising Part 1; Rising Part 2; Hide and Seek; Thirty-Eight Minutes; Suspicion; Childhood's End; Poisoning the Well; Underground; Home; The Storm; The Eye; The Defiant One; Hot Zone; Sanctuary; Before I Sleep; The Brotherhood; Letters from Pegasus; The Gift; The Siege Part 1; The Siege Part 2; The Siege Part 3; The Intruder; Runner; Duet; Condemned; Trinity; Instinct; Conversion; Aurora; The Lost Boys; The Hive; Epiphany; Critical Mass; Grace Under Pressure; The Tower; The Long Goodbye; Coup d'Etat; Michael; Inferno; Allies; No Man's Land; Misbegotten; Irresistible; Sateda; Progeny; The Real World; Common Ground; McKay and Mrs. Miller; Phantoms; The Return Part 1; The Return Part 2; Echoes; Irresponsible; Tao of Rodney; The Game; The Ark; Sunday; Submersion; Vengeance; First Strike; Adrift; Lifeline; Reunion; Doppelganger; Travelers; Tabula Rasa; Missing; The Seer; Miller's Crossing; This Mortal Coil; Be All My Sins Remember'd; Spoils of War; Quarantine; Harmony; Outcast; Trio; Midway; The Kindred Part 1; The Kindred Part 2; The Last Man; Search and Rescue; The Seed; Broken Ties; The Daedalus Variations; Ghost in the Machine; The Shrine; Whispers; The Queen; Tracker; First Contact; The Lost Tribe; Outsiders; Inquisition; The Prodigal; Remnants; Brain Storm; Infection; Identity; Vegas; Enemy at the Gate; Ronon Dex; Teyla Emmagan; John Sheppard; Carson Beckett; Elizabeth Weir; Rodney McKay; Jennifer Keller; Samantha Carter; Aiden Ford; Radek Zelenka; Kate Heightmeyer; Evan Lorne; Laura Cadman; Kolya; Chuck; Peter Grodin; Steven Caldwell; Lantea; Ocean; Ancient(s); Richard Woolsey; Athosians; Daedalus; Wraith; Nanites; Asurans; Genii; DHD; SGC; Stargate; Earth; Antarctica; Ascension

 TWIST

“I need you.”; “You have no proof.”; “I’ve waited for this.”; “Fine, I give up.”; “I’m not saying I told you so…”; “Didn’t we already have this conversation?”; “That could have gone better.”; “This is it, isn’t it?”; “There’s no right side to this.”; “It’s so quiet.”; “I swear, it’s not always like this.”; “You keep me safe.”; “The things you make me do…”; “Your information was wrong.”; “I like that in you.”; “Not this again.”; “I’m with you, you know that.”; “This was not part of the plan.”; “I feel strange.”; “That’s what I’m known for.”; “What did I say?”; “No promises.”; “This time, do what I say.”; “Is this supposed to impress me?”; “Do you know what time it is?”; “I’m sure this has never worked, ever.”; “You could have died!”; “I don’t have to explain myself.”; “Why are we whispering?”; “Don’t ruin this.”; “Take me with you.”; Crystal; Suit; Vessel; Knot; Raven; Spirit; Fan; Watch; Pressure; Pick; Sour; Stuck; Roof; Tick; Helmet; Compass; Collide; Moon; Loop; Sprout; Fuzzy; Open; Leak; Extinct; Splat; Connect; Spark; Crispy; Patch; Slither; Risk; Meet-Cute; Amnesia; Age Difference; Pining; Sick Fic; Fake Relationship; Accidental Meeting; Epistolary; Secret Identity; Historical AU; Nightmares; Monster Hunter; A/B/O; Reunion; Soulmates; At Pride; Angst; Seasons; Fix-It; Coffee Shop; Movie Plot AU; Kid Fic; Actor's Other Crossover Work; OT+; Getting Together; Only One Bed; Pirates; Making Up; Forbidden Relationship; Tattoos; Halloween; Prime Directive; Lower Decks / Background Characters; Away Mission; Ship's Bar; Aliens Made Them Do It; Observation Deck; Crew with Family; Holodeck; Science Crew; Character Survives; Headcanons; Diplomacy; Decontamination; Trek Crossover; Replicator; Worldbuilding; Redshirts; Sex / Love Potion; Medical Crew; Transporters; Medbay; Interspecies Relationship; Mirrorverse; Uniforms; Mutiny; Stranded on a Planet; Rec Room; Academy Era; Second Contact; Command Crew; Off-Duty; Soft; Anonymous Sex; Penetration with Object/s; Sleeping; Intercrural Sex; Restraints; In/Under Water; Group Sex; First Time; Possessive Behavior; Dry Humping / Grinding; Overstimulation; Roleplay; Rimming; Stretching / Fisting; Power Imbalance; Food Play; Fingering; Body Worship; Sex Work; Voyeurism / Exhibitionism; Safewords; Technology; Oral Sex; Omorashi / Wetting; Crying; Underwear / Lingerie; Friends with Benefits; Pain Kink; Dirty Talk; Trick or Treat; All trussed up and nowhere to go; Talking is overrated; Sticks and stones may break my bones...; Trust fall; I've got red in my ledger; Touch and go; My spidey-sense is tingling; Coughing up a lung; Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated; Oops, I did it again; Just keep swimming; It'll be fun, they said; That's gonna leave a mark; Under pressure; Feed a cold, starve a fever; On a need-to-know basis; Field care 101; The doctor is in; Just a scratch; Lost & found; That's where the blood's supposed to be; They made me do it; You break it, you buy it; One down, two to go; You will go down with this ship; “I'm fine, I prom...”; It's (not) just in your head; All work and no play; Digging your grave; Hurt & Comfort; “You have to let go.”; Garotte; Taunting; “Do you trust me?”; Betrayal; Bruises; Helplessness; Pneumothorax; Presumed Dead; Hospital; Adrift; Torture; “This is gonna suck.”; Crush injuries; Delirium; Recovery; “Please don't move.”; “Now smile for the camera.”; Bitten; Trunk; Bleeding through bandages; Cursed; Auction; Self-induced injuries to escape; Escape; Fallen; Passing out; “Good, you're finally awake.”; “You're still not dead?”; Major character death; Disaster zone; Barbed Wire; Choking; Insults; Taken Hostage; Misunderstanding; Touch Starved; Numbness; Exotic Illness; (Blind) Rage; Flare-Up; Drowning; Made To Watch; Burns; Beaten; Fever Dreams; Scars; Hemorrhage; Doctor Visit; Bleeding; Trapped Under Water; Demon; Ransom; Flashback; Flight; Waterfall; Vertigo; Too Weak To Move; Left For Dead; Trauma; Bound; Gagged; “Who Did This To You?”; Pushed; Broken Nose; Hunger; Blindness; “Definitely Just A Cold”; Tears; Ice Chips; Dehydration; Begging; Cauterization; Force; Bees; Aftermath; Dread; Cpr; Stabbing; Solitary Confinement; Blood-Matted Hair; Obsession; Pursuit; Revenge; Hiding; Trap Door; Collapse; Panic; Overworked; Ghosts; Prisoner; Losing Control; Threats; Caning; Mercy; Forgotten; Head Injury; Screaming; Comfort; Self-Sacrifice; Trapped; Near-Death Experience; Regret; Tragedy; Battlefield; Anxiety; Gore; Petplay; Bimbofication; Panties & Lingerie; Bondage; Double Penetration in 2 Holes; Breeding; Humiliation; NTR; Incest; Emeto; Omorashi; Free Use; Crossdressing; Public; Three (or more) some; Daddy & Mommy; Double Penetration in 1 Hole; Distention & Cockbulge; Xenophilia; Shotgunning; Watersports; Pregnancy; Lactation; Waxplay; Grooming; Human Furniture; Feet; Prostituion; MacroMicro; Spanking; Cockwarming; Glory Hole; Somnophilia; Body Modification; Temperature Play; Leather; Size Difference; Sounding; Stockings; Tentacles; Medical Play; Stripping; Orgasm Denial; Master & slave; Scissoring; Titfucking; Frottage; Knifeplay; Formal Wear; Breathplay; Fisting; Pegging; Scat; Beastiality; Fucking Machine; Tickling; Boot Worship; Bukkake; Collaring; Foodplay; Non or dubcon; Feederism; Sensory Deprivation; Oviposition; Clone & Selfcest; Exhibitionism & Voyeurism; Impact Play; Sadomasochism; Bloodplay; Praise Kink; Body Swap; Sweat; Branding; Massage; Role Reversal; Armpit; Masturbation; Inflation; Sex Toys; Burnplay; Menophilia; Stuck in Wall; Deepthroating & Facesitting; Dacryphilia; Hate Sex; Birthday; Sick Day; Autumn; Candles; Plaid / Flannel; Leaf Piles; Sweaters; Baking; Cinnamon; Pumpkin Spice Latte; Carnival; Movie Night; Candy; Graveyard; Black Cats; Goosebumps; Pumpkin; Party; Monster; Witch; Vampire; Traditions; Magic; Mask; Haunted House; Trick; Treat; Costume; Monster Mash; Rising Part 1; Rising Part 2; Hide and Seek; Thirty-Eight Minutes; Suspicion; Childhood's End; Poisoning the Well; Underground; Home; The Storm; The Eye; The Defiant One; Hot Zone; Sanctuary; Before I Sleep; The Brotherhood; Letters from Pegasus; The Gift; The Siege Part 1; The Siege Part 2; The Siege Part 3; The Intruder; Runner; Duet; Condemned; Trinity; Instinct; Conversion; Aurora; The Lost Boys; The Hive; Epiphany; Critical Mass; Grace Under Pressure; The Tower; The Long Goodbye; Coup d'Etat; Michael; Inferno; Allies; No Man's Land; Misbegotten; Irresistible; Sateda; Progeny; The Real World; Common Ground; McKay and Mrs. Miller; Phantoms; The Return Part 1; The Return Part 2; Echoes; Irresponsible; Tao of Rodney; The Game; The Ark; Sunday; Submersion; Vengeance; First Strike; Lifeline; Doppelganger; Travelers; Tabula Rasa; Missing; The Seer; Miller's Crossing; This Mortal Coil; Be All My Sins Remember'd; Spoils of War; Quarantine; Harmony; Outcast; Trio; Midway; The Kindred Part 1; The Kindred Part 2; The Last Man; Search and Rescue; The Seed; Broken Ties; The Daedalus Variations; Ghost in the Machine; The Shrine; Whispers; The Queen; Tracker; First Contact; The Lost Tribe; Outsiders; Inquisition; The Prodigal; Remnants; Brain Storm; Infection; Identity; Vegas; Enemy at the Gate; Ronon Dex; Teyla Emmagan; John Sheppard; Carson Beckett; Elizabeth Weir; Rodney McKay; Jennifer Keller; Samantha Carter; Aiden Ford; Radek Zelenka; Kate Heightmeyer; Evan Lorne; Laura Cadman; Kolya; Chuck; Peter Grodin; Steven Caldwell; Lantea; Ocean; Ancient(s); Richard Woolsey; Athosians; Daedalus; Wraith; Nanites; Asurans; Genii; DHD; SGC; Stargate; Earth; Antarctica; Ascension

[bbyboibinnie]

comfort zone

synopsis: all your life you’ve tried your best to maintain a regular routine and comfortable life. during your last year as a senior though, everything changed and suddenly you were pushed out of your comfort zone. pairing: bang chan x fem!reader genre: high school au, strangers to lovers, angst, fluff, romance, little cliche but you gotta have some cliche stories in your life sometimes warning: mild swears wc: 11.8k a/n: this has not yet been proofread so my apologies for any errors! hope you enjoy nonetheless!

The hand on the clock was ticking excruciatingly slow. You’d been eyeing it for the last 10 minutes, trying to count down the time before math would finally wrap up and you could speed your way towards the cafeteria before everyone else began to flood in. It’s been like this for the last three, ongoing four years. You and your small group of friends had managed to secure a table in freshman year and that had been the hang out spot every day during the forty minute lunch period, which was frankly way too short. On most days, you spent half of those forty minutes waiting in line for the overpriced food that was barely considered edible. 

Nonetheless, right as the bell rang you were already out your seat and past the door. Other students were scrambling into the cafeteria and you picked up the pace to reach the line. You were squished between the person in front and behind you and if it weren’t for the massive backpacks acting as barriers, you’d be disgusted by the close contact. 

“I was wondering what took you so long.” Seungmin noted as you reached the wooden bench. 

“I know, it took even longer than usual to get this plate of god-knows-what,” you poked at the crusty pile of what looked to be pasta on your plate. “Those idiots kept cutting and of course the principle who stood there didn’t bat an eyelash as it happened right under his nose.” 

Seungmin shook his head and popped open the bag of chips he got from the vending machine. “The joys of high school right?” 

“Thank gosh this is our last year here.” 

“Amen to that.” You clinked your juice box with his and munched on the mediocre pasta, joining in on the card game the others had started. 

“Oh I forgot, we have that rally thing today don’t we?” Your other friend—Lia—brought up. 

“What rally?” You put down a queen and relished in victory as the others reshuffled the deck. 

“The one for the football players or something right? We’ve been going to this school for the last three years and we don’t even know.” What Lia said was very true. Before you had started high school, your parents and basically every adult you talked to said to ‘make the most out of your high school years’ and ‘get the full experience.’ Frankly, you just had your head set on getting that diploma at this point because after a while, everything has just felt more draining and repetitive, including today’s rally. 

“I guess there will be less class time then.” You shrugged, reaching out to grab the cards and continue the next round.

———

“I don’t get it.” 

“Don’t get what?” Seungmin said, turning to face you. 

“Why football is so hyped at our school. I mean at other schools I get it because they actually win, but haven’t we just been losing all season?” The rally had been going on for over half an hour and another yawn escaped your lips. 

“Yeah, I’ve been to every game and the best we got was a tie. Anyways, there’s only a handful of games left before this season ends. You should come.” 

“And remind me why I should?” The two hosts of the rally were trying to hype the crowd up and you had to stifle laughter as the person in the mascot costume came out from behind the bleachers. Did they ever wash that costume? It must’ve reeked of sweat in that thing; yoed at the thought.

“Because you’ve never gone before? I know sports isn’t really your thing, or any after school activity for that matter, but it’s high school. You gotta experience it at least once.” Seungmin reasoned, pulling at your arm. 

“I mean, you said they’ve been losing. I’m not going to pay and spend like two hours watching our school lose for the nth time.” The person in the costume was making rounds around the field now, starting a wave with the crowd. 

“Okay, what if I pay for your ticket then?” 

“But those two hours of of precious time will be wasted—“

“They have snacks there. Popcorn, churros, corn dogs, and your favorite and mine—fried oreos.” Events always sounded more appealing when food was involved, but you were hesitant. “C’mon please y/n? For me?” Seungmin was doing those puppy eyes with the pout to your dismay. Out of all the years you’ve known him, you could never turn him down whenever he gave you that look. 

“Fine! But you’re paying for the food too.” 

“Deal.” 

————

Seungmin had arrived at your house at six thirty on the dot and you slipped on your shoes before shouting to your parents that you were leaving. When you had told them that you were going out, especially to attend the football game, they had been surprised then elated. Your parents were the kind that always tried to encourage you to get out of your comfort zone and enjoy new things, and considering you were a major homebody, this was a pretty big step out the bubble of comfort if you had to say so yourself.

“Wow I’m impressed, you even wore the school colors.” He said as you got in the car, eyeing your outfit. 

“I mean if I’m going, might as well go all out right?” You ended up wearing the school hoodie with a white pleated skirt, the best part were the streaks of eyeshadow—red and gold—you had on your cheeks (no face paint because you didn’t have any on hand). 

“Exactly, now let’s go, I want to be there early so we get good seats.” He stepped on the gas and you were on your way back to school, something you’d never thought you do after hours. 

“Y/n pick it up, I can see a spot in the front row but someone else is gonna to snatch it if you keep you with that snail pace.” He looked back at you from atop the stairs of the bleachers. 

“Well it’s not my fault you won’t help me carry all of this food!” You gave him an exasperated look as you tried to balance the drinks, snacks, and napkins all in your hand. 

“Listen, I bought it so you do the heavy lifting and labor alright? Now let’s go.” He pulled on your arm and the corn dog nearly slipped out your hand as you tried to keep up with Seungmin. 

You gave out an annoyed huff as you sat down, right in the front row just like how Seungmin wanted. The feeling of the cool metal bleacher sent a chill up your spine and the bitter autumn wind wasn't helping ease the cold. You were starting to regret wearing that skirt. 

“We’re here, happy? Now take your food before I eat it all myself.” You rolled your eyes and handed him his share of the food while he excitedly starred off towards the field. The players were warming up and the opponents were off to the side, huddled with their coach. 

You looked back at the people in the stands and the seats were packed. To be honest, you were just shocked that this many people showed up to watch even though the team had a losing streak. There were adults, schoolmates, little kids, and —someone even brought their dog. It seemed like everyone was eager for the game to start and although this wasn’t something you ever thought you’d do on a Friday night, you were one of the eagerly anticipating spectators in the stands too. 

From beside you, Seungmin kept looking around the field, as if he were looking for something. You were puzzled at this but didn’t bother questioning him because wow, the fried oreos were delicious. 

“Aye Chan!” Your friend shouted; he was sitting so close that it felt like he had screamed directly into your year. His loud voice managed to catch the attention of one of the players on the field as the boy with the number 97 on his jersey turned around and jogged towards where you and Seungmin were seated. 

“Seungmin, you made it today!” The boy reached out over the fence that separated the crowd from the field to greet Seungmin and you were both confused and surprised at the sight. Seungmin knew one of the football players? Not just one of them but the football player Chan? Team captain Chan? You were with Seungmin five days a week at school and it had never occurred to you that he knew anyone on the team, much less the captain.

“Why are you so surprised? I come to every game.” He was leaning on the fence as he talked to Chan. 

“Did you come alone again?” You tried not to eavesdrop but it was impossible when they were speaking directly in front of you. 

“Nah, I actually convinced a friend of mine to come with me today for once. Y/n!” He shouted your name which made you look up in shock while in the midst of stuffing your face with fried food. Seungmin shook his head and grimaced at the sight. “Sorry, she usually isn’t this uncollected.” 

You gave a slight wave towards the two and swiped the crumbs off your cheeks. This was so embarrassing, Seungmin was going to get an earful from you after this. 

“Nice to meet you!” Chan shouted, smiling at your direction. You nodded and awkwardly tried to return the smile before giving up and going back to all the fried goodness that the snack stand had to offer. 

They probably talked for another ten minutes before Chan jogged off to join his teammates and  Seungmin came back to his seat where you immediately proceeded to throw questions at him. 

“You know Bang Chan? How do you know him?” 

“Yes, I do know him and we’ve known each other fo—“

“I’ve been your friend for so long, how come I didn’t know you were friends with the captain of the football team?!” 

“Well, I do have other friends outside of our friendship grou—“

“Wait, I’m still your best friend though right?”

“Oh my god, y/n yes. We have been friends since elementary and nothing changes tha—“

“Seungmin, answer my questions!” 

“I’m trying but you keep cutting me off.” He said which shut you right up. “Anyways, yes I know Chan. His mom and my mom are super close so we just started hanging out when our parents were together, that’s why you never saw me with him at school. And you’re my best friend and will continue to hold that title. No football player is going to take that title away from you.” You smiled in relief at the last part. 

“Is that why you go to all their games?”

“Well yes, but I also genuinely enjoy the atmosphere of these events.” 

“Ahh, as expected from the extrovert himself. I’m truly amazed how we’re best friends.” This thought had come to your mind on numerous occasions. Seungmin had that happy-go-lucky type of personality, always smiling and being the social butterfly while you were on the quieter, more pessimistic end of the scale. If it weren’t for the fact that you guys were assigned seats next to each other in the third grade, you don’t know if you two would’ve ever crossed paths otherwise. You’d have to thank your third grade teacher someday for doing you a massive favor with that seating chart. 

“They say opposites attract y’know?” Seungmin threw an arm over your shoulder and annoyingly ruffled your hair—you felt like he was an older brother you never had sometimes. You swatted his hands away and tried to fix your hair. 

“Can you stop doing that? You know I actually tried putting effort into my hair today righ—“ 

“Y/n shut up, the game is about to begin.” He shushed you as the band began to play and you begrudgingly stopped talking.

After the dramatic applause and cheers died down, the teams got into position and soon enough the game had started. You had never actually seen a game before, only seeing snippets of them in television dramas or in books, so you didn’t understand the penalties or all the ins and outs. Regardless, you watched silently for the most part and clapped when others did. 

It was halftime and the scores were not looking so hot. You had finished your drinks and snacks long before and was starting to wish you’d stay home because this game was turning out to be another bust—-as you had expected. 

“Seungmin, I’m getting bored. I tried being optimistic and hoped for a win but we are down by so many points.” You pouted as you looked at the scoreboard—five to twelve. 

“Aw c’mon y/n, it’s only half way through. Anything could happen in the other half.” He made a good point but it was not making you have any more hope than before. “Hey, why don’t you try cheering for them in the next half? Maybe if we cheer louder and give them even more support, they’ll do better. I gotta say, your half hearted clapping is not very effective.” You playfully elbowed him in the stomach for that remark. 

“If you say so, but if I scream at the top of my lungs and they still end up losing, I’m never going to another one of these games.” 

————

The game had continued on after the short half time break and it seemed like your school was finally gaining points. It was neck and neck and everyone was on the edge of their seats by the time the last quarter of the game rolled around. 

You had been so enticed with the game that you didn’t realize how late it was getting. You had arrived at six thirty and it was almost reaching the two hour mark. The sun had completely set by now and the field was being illuminated by the massive lights and whatever little light the stars and the moon  in the sky were giving off. 

“Not going to lie, we are doing better than I had expected.” Seungmin commented during the break session in between the quarters.

“Really? Are you telling me this is the team on a good day then?” You asked incredulously. The scores were so close but the opponents were still leading by a few. 

“Sadly, yes this is a good day for us. Let’s just give it our all with the cheers for the last round and hope they win.” And almost as if on cue, the whistle blew and the players were back in their positions. 

“Wooo!! C’mon guys!” You hollered as loud as you could. Then the ball was tossed and the clock was counting down the final quarter. 

——— 

“YES CHAN! C’MON YOU GOT THIS!” You and Seungmin weren’t even sitting anymore, you had gathered near the fence and your eyes followed as number 97 was speeding down the field. 

“Oh my god.” Your eyes were getting dry and you felt the need to blink but you forced yourself not to because you didn't want to miss this moment. 

“Holy shi—.” You heard Seungmin barely whisper from under his breath. Heads were turned as everyone watched Chan pass the goal and into the end field right as the clock reached zero.

Before you knew it, the audience around you had erupted into laughter, applaud, cheers, and everything in between. Meanwhile, the football players had circled on the field and were all congratulating one another. 

“Did we just win?” You looked at Seungmin and he turned to you with a gaping mouth, nodded rapidly. 

“You just witnessed the first win of the season!” The two of two started jumping up and down like little kids, smiling and shouting excessively. 

“My throat is so dry from all that screaming, but it paid off.” You smiled and felt light headed, unsure if it was because you were overjoyed or because of all the screaming and dehydration, probably all of the above. 

“Let’s go find Chan and congratulate him!” Seungmin grabbed your arm and pulled you down the steps of the bleachers, past the track and onto the grass. You spotted him from a few feet away but the two of you waited for the crowd to disperse a bit before reaching him. 

“You finally did it man! First win of the season!” Seungmin gave Chan one of those ‘bro-hugs’ and you stood back a bit to give them their space. Chan was just a friend of a friend so you felt awkward approaching him, but still you said your congratulations to him.

“Seungmin said it was your first time coming to one of our games right? Quite a show we put in tonight for you then.” He looked past Seungmin and directed the conversation at you, smiling like he had earlier. You didn’t notice this the first time but he had a dimple on one of his cheeks. His brown hair was tousled in every direction from wearing the helmet and the fringes of his bangs were matted to his forehead with sweat, undoubtedly you still thought he looked quite cute.

 “Yeah, I don’t know anything about football but I think you guys were great tonight!” You said, trying to project your voice so that he could hear you amongst all the other chatter and commotion. 

“She thought you guys were going to lose.” Seungmin noted, making you glare in his direction, silently telling him to shut up. Chan just laughed at the response, which made his smile grow wider. 

“It’s okay, I know we usually don’t do so hot. I’m glad you guys could come and watch us succeed today though. What a relief I exceeded your expectations then.” You smiled and awkwardly chuckled in response, feeling guilty now that you’ve been exposed by Seungmin for being a pessimist. 

“Well it was great seeing you again man, you gotta come over soon. My mom keeps asking where you are these days.” Chan turned back to Seungmin and they exchanged some more words before he focused back on you. “Also, thanks for coming tonight y/n to watch the game, and for accompanying my friend here, he usually goes solo and I pity him sometimes seeing him in the stands alone. Hopefully you’ll come back for our next game.” Honestly you had no plans to, but looking at Chan with his dimple, warm eyes and being convinced by his charming words, you felt like the urge to clear your schedule for it. 

————-

“What do you mean you’re not coming?!” Seungmin spun around in your desk chair and rolled towards your bed where you sat, surrounded by an innumerable amount of paper and textbooks. 

“It means I’m not coming, what words are you not understanding?” You replied without looking up, flipping to the next page in your calculus book. 

“But why not?” He was starting to sound like a whiny toddler and you were already getting frustrated with trying to solve this stupid math equation. 

“Seungmin,” you said firmly, looking at him in the eyes, “why can’t you just find someone else to go with? Can't you see I’m busy? This project isn’t going to finish itself.” You gestured towards the loads of work scattered everywhere. “Go ask Lia or something.”

“No, the last time I tried to bring her along she just kept talking about how pretty she would’ve been as a cheerleader and started to sulk over the fact that she didn’t make the squad. Anyways, you missed last week’s game too! Plus, you had so much fun the first time around.” Seungmin whined, saddened by your blatant, harsh rejection. 

“Right, but like I said I have to get this done. You know I’ll prioritize school work over a sports event any day. Plus, that was a one time thing. I just went for the experience. And now that I’ve experienced it, I can check it off my high school bucket list and move on.” Your focus ripped away from your friend and back to your notebook which was filled with scribbled and incorrect math solutions. You’d been working on this project for what seemed like an eternity and the light at the end of the tunnel was not showing itself. You wanted to scream in frustration. 

“Please come, it’s so much better with you there! Whenever I go alone I feel so… alone.” He watched as you crumpled up another piece of paper and threw at the trash, completely missing. “Plus, take it as a break from all your hard work and studies. You’re clearly stressed and need to unwind, treat yourself!” You eyed him from where you were sitting, going over his words. Maybe he’s right. You did have a lot of fun the first time you went and this project wasn’t due for a few more days.

You sighed, “I don’t know. Perhaps I do need a break.” His eyes lit up at your response and he quickly reached over to shut your textbook and push your notebooks to the side. 

“What are you waiting for then? Those first row seats are going fast.” After a moment, you caved into his words. 

“Alright, grab me the hoodie in my closet.” You ordered and he happily complied. Quickly you threw your hair into an updo and put streaks of gold and red on your cheeks. Slipping on the hoodie, you turned towards Seungmin who gave you a thumbs up. “Okay, let’s go.” 

Right as you guys were about to step out the room, you pulled him back. He gave you a questioning look. “By the way, you should consider being a salesman because sir, you really have a way to convince people with your words.” 

“Please spare me of your corny jokes y/n.” You punched him for his lack of appreciation for your humor as he led the way to his car. With that, you shut the door and the two of you were once again on your way to the school. 

———

“Oh sorry.” You apologized as you bumped into somebody as you tried to squeeze through the crowd and to the bleachers. 

“It’s oka- oh, y/n! Hey, you came back.” The person talking had a familiar voice so you looked up and Chan’s grin came into view. 

“Chan, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be on the grass like warming up or something?” Over his shoulder, you could see the rest of his team mates stretching and whatnot by the field. 

“Yeah, but I had to run back to grab something from the lockers. Guess my timing was impeccable because now I’ve run into you. I noticed you didn’t come to the last game so I wasn't expecting you today either.” In last week’s game, Chan had thought you’d tag along with Seungmin like the other time but when he noticed you weren’t there, he felt a slight tinge of disappointment. “Is Seungmin with you too?”

“Yup, he went to grab some food. Sorry about missing the game last week by the way. I was busy.” It sounded like a pathetic excuse but it was the truth, you were caught up trying to study for exams and prepare for a presentation so there was no time in your agenda for a football game. 

“Ah, no worries. You’re here now right? Plus, you didn’t miss anything last week anyways. We ended up losing, pretty badly actually.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and you felt bad for him. Before, you had always made jokes and poked fun at the team for constantly losing but if you were in their shoes, you would’ve felt so discouraged and perhaps even frustrated. At that moment, you sympathized for him and his teammates. 

“Don’t worry Chan, that was last week so it’s the past now. Focus on today and have hope that you’ll win! Go out there and give it your all. I believe in your and the other players.” You gave him two thumbs up and a cheeky smile and he couldn’t help but laugh at your attempt at a motivational speech. 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” He genuinely meant this. Lately, he’s been getting at himself for all the losses this season. Was it because he was an incompetent player? Was he a bad captain? Was he even good at football? All these questions swirled in his head and kept him up at night but having recently won, hearing your cute speech, and seeing you beam sweetly at him, those doubts vanished. 

“Chan! There you are, come over here so we can take some pictures for the school yearbook together!” One of the cheerleaders approached Chan and you watched as she clung onto his side. For a moment, you had forgotten he was the popular team captain. 

“Uh, maybe in a bit Tiffany. I’m busy right no—“ 

“Come on Chan, the photographer for the yearbook club is already here. Plus we look good together.”

You felt like you were intruding on something here and felt so uncomfortable as you witnessed the girl flirt with Chan. You had to get yourself out of the scene. 

“Well I’m going to go grab a seat, good luck Chan!” You hurriedly fled to leave those two alone. 

“Tell Seungmin I said hi. Also, cheer loud for me! I need the support!” He shouted as he was dragged away with the girl. You made your way up to the stands and sadly, you hadn’t made it in time to grab the front row but thankfully, you spotted an empty area not too far back and sat down. 

While you were sitting there waiting for Seungmin—what was taking him so long to get the food?—a realization struck: you just had a full on conversation with the captain of the football team and it was completely void of any awkward tension. You had only met the guy once before and merely exchanged a few words with him. You’d never thought you’d even attend a football game much less two, and now suddenly be on speaking terms with Bang Chan. Senior year was something else. 

“Earth to y/n?” A hand waved in front of your face and you snapped out of your thoughts. You realized it was your best friend—he had finally gotten back with the food. “You good? Why are you spacing out?” He sat down and started munching in the kettle corn. 

“Just thinking how weird it is that I ran into Chan of all people and managed to have a full on, not-awkward conversation with him.” You left out the last bit where the cheerleader came in though, because that was beyond awkward. 

“How is that weird?”

“I don’t know. I just never thought I would be this far out of my safe little shelter. I mean think about it. I’ve stuck with the same handful of friends since freshman year and it wasn’t until like two weeks ago when I finally went to a school event. Now, I’m suddenly chatting up a storm with the captain of the football team and am sitting here sipping on hot chocolate waiting for the game to start, thanks for the hot cocoa by the way.” You blew glenty on the drink and observed the steam dissipate into the night air before taking a sip, pure instant mix hot chocolate flavor, just the way you liked it. 

“Well, when you put it like that, I guess it is sort of odd.” Seungmin nodded in agreement before continuing, “But as long as you’re enjoying yourself, then there’s no problem. Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone to experience new things has its benefits.”

“You’re right, I guess I’m just finally realizing that now.” You smiled to yourself and watched as the two teams raced around the field. You still lacked knowledge about football, but watching this time around felt even more exciting than the first time. 

———

The team ended up winning again and of course you and Seungmin were so proud of your school for taking home another victory. Just like last time, you two waited around after the game to approach Chan and shower him with compliments and words of praise. 

“I didn’t think we’d be able to do it but we did it.” Chan was still dripping sweat and catching his breath, but his eyes shone brightly with joy. 

“Of course you’d be able to do it! You’re Bang Chan! The one and only.” You bobbed your head in agreement with Seungmin’s words. You had to give it to him, he was the best hype man a person could ask for. 

“Thanks. Anyways, the team and I were planning to grab some pizza at the local shop nearby as a mini celebration, do you guys want to come?” Immediately you shook your head while Seungmin on the other hand had accepted the invitation without a second thought. 

“I know this is a lot to ask of you and you’re probably going to say ‘sorry, I have to go finish my math project’ but please y/n. You’re already here and the night is still young.” Seungmin was clinging onto your right arm like a koala and you rolled your eyes at his antics. 

“If you knew I was going to bring up my math project then why bother trying to beg? Now let go of my arm you big baby.” You tried to wriggle your arm from out of his clutch but then someone grabbed onto your other arm.

“Please y/n.” You looked to your left and Chan was acting like koala 2.0. You expected this from Seungmin, you’re long-time best friend, but you had just met Chan on one other occasion and yet he acted like you two were the best of pals. You were taken aback by this but couldn’t manage to get either of them to let go, and the close proximity to Chan was starting to make the blood rush to your cheeks. God, you had to get them off of you before your face grew any redder. 

“Yes, okay! I’ll go!” They instantly detached themselves from your arms and high-fived each other, you let out a breath of relief. “One of you has to pay though, I don’t care who.” 

So there you were, sitting in the red and white colored booth stuck between Seungmin and the football team captain himself with a slice of piping hot pizza in front of you. This is not how you thought things would turn out. 

When everyone had arrived at the pizzeria, it was chaos. People were throwing out their orders and topping preferences and others were fighting to grab a table. You quickly told Chan your order, as he offered to pay, and pulled Seungmin to a booth before all of them were taken. Luckily, there was one last one that was unoccupied at the corner. When Chan had came to the table with the pie in hand, you thought he would take the other side of the booth but someone had spilled sticky soda all over the seat so that’s how you found yourself in this current predicament, squished between two teenage boys in a stuffy old booth, on a weekday night.

The three of you were eating and mindlessly talking when a group of girls drew closer towards you guys. You figured they must’ve wanted to talk to Chan so you continued eating quietly. 

“Chan you were amazing tonight! You really led the team to another win, I knew you could do it.” You recognized her, it was the same girl from earlier—Tiffany? 

“Thanks, hope you enjoyed the game.” Chan responded politely. 

“Of course I did silly. Anyways, do you want to join me and the others over there?” She pointed towards the other side of the pizzeria where most of the players and cheerleaders were gathered. 

“I’m good here, thanks for asking though.” She looked shocked at his response and for the first time, she averted her attention away from Chan to focus on you and Seungmin. Her eyes rolled right over Seungmin but stopped at you. Her gaze made you feel all ansty and self-conscious, but you tried your best not to show it. “Okay, well call me then.” She said before turning back and moving back to the other side of the room. 

It was silent for a while before Chan broke the tension. 

“So you like pineapple on pizza?” Chan said, biting into his own slice.

“Well yeah, it’s the superior topping.” The combination of sweet and salty was the best.

“Do you perhaps like mint chocolate ice cream too?” He asked, handing you a napkin as he noticed the smear of tomato sauce on your cheek. You nodded in thanks. 

“It’s not my favorite but I wouldn’t pass it up if offered.” You shrugged and grabbed another slice of pizza. 

“Seungmin,” Chan said, which caught the attention of the boy on the other side of you. “I like this girl. She had good tast–” Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at his words and he didn’t manage to finish his sentence before you started coughing, almost choking on your food. 

“Y/n, are you okay?” They simultaneously asked in alarm and you silently gave them the  ‘ok’ hand signal while inhaling down your drink, trying to wash down the pizza and calm yourself.

“All good.” You were not all good. You were just about to choke on pizza while some guy you barely even knew proclaimed that he liked you out of the blue. 

“Anyways, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by someone choking.” You slapped his arm and he laughed in response. “She’s got good taste and quite the sense of humor. I see why you ditch me at school to hang out with her now.” He joked, was he teasing you already? This guy seriously warms up to new people fast.

Thank gosh no other light-hearted confessions were made for the rest of the dinner, you didn’t think you could handle anymore heart-stopping jokes for the night.

“Wait.” Seungmin said suddenly, just as you guys were about to start wrapping this up and leaving.

“What?” You looked at him, waiting for a reply.

“I think y/n is our lucky charm.” He said with too much confidence. You whipped your head to look at him.

“What nonsense are you sputtering now? I am no one’s lucky charm. Do I look like that tiny leprechaun on a box of cereal to you?” You asked, feigning offense. 

“Well, I think you got the tiny part down.” Chan pointed out, and for the nth time you smacked him on the arm. Sure you were on the short side but there was no need to rub it in.

“That’s not what I meant y/n.” Seungmin gave you a deadpanned look before carrying on. “Anyways think about it guys, the first time y/n came to the game, the team won. Then she didn’t go to last week’s game and we lost. And today, she attended and we won again. Seeing a pattern?” He looked at you two expectedly, waiting for you guys to catch on. “I’ve connected the two dots.”

“You didn’t connect shi-” You started but Chan cut you off.

“You’re right!” His face brightened and turned towards you. “Y/n, you are our good luck charm! . You facepalmed yourself, these two shared the same three brain cells. 

“Right, and you’re Santa Claus.” You said with thick sarcasm dripping from your voice, “You guys are ridiculous. Now help me clean up please.” You referred to the table which was covered in dirty napkins, crumbs, and parmesan cheese packets everywhere. Thankfully they obeyed and started clearing the mess.

“No seriously, we have been losing all season and the moment you show up, it’s like all that is erased and we win!” Chan tried to reason, but you weren’t having any of it.

“It’s just a coincidence. It’s you and your teammates that are doing the work and bringing in the luck. I am merely just an audience member, an observer.” You shook your head at them and continued wiping down the table.

“Don’t take our word for it then, but you have to go to the next game!” Seungmin announced as he tried to reorganize the condiments on the side. You had just gone to the game and no time had passed before you were urged to go to another one. 

“I’ll think about it.” You peered over at Chan and he was smiling uncontrollably while Seungmin was happy dancing. What did you just get yourself into?

–––––

Ever since the spontaneous pizza meeting and the half hearted promise to attend the football games, you’ve been seeing Chan more and more at school. Sometimes you’d just notice each other in the halls and mouth “hi” or other times it was passing period and he’d see you and ask  “how are you?” before the seven minutes were up. As the days continued, he just increasingly  appeared in your frame of vision and it left you confused.

Both of you had been in the same grade year, at the same school for the past four years but you swore you’ve never even noticed him before and now he was everywhere. He’d be near your locker in the morning tagging alongside Seungmin, greeting you with a sunny smile and fresh look that contrasted greatly to your own glum expression and ‘just rolled out of bed’ appearance. It was seven am, you had an excuse to look like this you reasoned, making yourself feel better. 

Lately, he even sat with you and your tablemates at lunch. Your group of friends was shocked at first. Questions like “why is a football player sitting with us?” and “why is the football team captain sitting with us?” were exchanged amongst the table and you didn’t know how to answer because, why was he sitting with you guys all of a sudden? Eventually everyone got used to it though; he came around so often and no one objected. Initially, your friends had thought he was the stereotypical jock that acted all mighty and superior, but soon enough they realized he was the complete opposite of that. He was nice, funny, intelligent, and easy to get along with. He’d help your friends whenever they were struggling to finish their homework last minute, and he’d join in on the games of uno, go fish, and whatever else. 

Frankly, you didn’t mind his presence either and Seungmin was absolutely basking in delight because both of his best friends were now with him at school, playing the same card games and eating the same shitty school food together. You didn’t know when or how, but Chan just eased his way into your life and you had accepted it for the most part. However, there were moments when you still questioned him though, and one day you figured you might as well clear the confusion in your head. 

“Hey Chan.” He was currently teaching you how to play poker. 

“What’s up buttercup?” 

“Don’t call me buttercup.” You fixed a glare at him. “Anyways, I hope this doesn’t come off as a weird question but, why have you hung out with us everyday at lunch?” He didn’t say anything for a second and you regretted asking.

“Hm, I guess I just like it here. Your friends are nice, Seungmin is here,” he pointed towards the boy who was on his third pack of vending machine chips. “And you’re here.” You tried not to make anything out of that last comment and brushed it off.

“What about your other friends?”

“Other friends?” He raised an eyebrow at you and continued shuffling the cards.

“You know, the people you normally hung out with before you started hanging out with us?” 

“I didn’t have any friends.” He said and you scoffed, not believing it for a second.

“You? Captain of the football team. Mr. Bang Chan himself didn’t have any friends until you met us?” You said incredulously. 

“I mean I had Seungmin.” 

“He couldn’t have been your only friend.”

“No, I guess he wasn’t–”

“I knew it.”

“You didn’t let me finish. He wasn’t my only friend but I felt like he was my only true friend.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, it all felt so fake, so forced. Like I have my teammates and they’re chill, but we were just teammates, we didn’t hang out much besides practice or games. It’s like, just because you’re classmates, that doesn’t automatically make you all friends right?” You understood what he was saying and agreed. “And everyone else… well, it just felt ungenuine. I know many of them just tried to befriend me for the connection and to have the ability to say ‘I’m friends with the football captain’ but it wasn’t anything more.” At that point, you had wished you never pried. You felt like you had just pushed him to open Pandora’s box and that’s not what you had intended.

“Look Chan, I’m sorry I got nosy. I didn’t mean to ask you that and pry–” The apology started spilling out your mouth but the smile on his lips made you stop. “Why are you smiling? Shouldn’t you be offended and mad at me?”

“No, of course not. I know you must’ve felt weird that I randomly started hanging around you and your friends and I’m glad we got to clear up any confusion.” He said softly, looking at you from across the table. “I genuinely enjoy being around everyone at this table, especially you, so you don’t have to question it anymore. Okay?”

You kept replaying the words in your mind, ‘especially you.’ How could he say these things so easily and not realize how fast it made your heart pound or how sweaty your palms got? You couldn’t focus for the rest of lunch as he tried to teach you the ins and outs of poker. 

————- 

Weeks had passed and you, Seungmin, and Chan were like three peas in a pod—inseparable and going everywhere together. 

One day, you guys had planned on a hang out with three spots on the schedule planned. First was to hit up the arcade—Chan’s idea—and then grab dinner at Olive Garden—Seungmin said he was craving their breadsticks—-and lastly the cherry on top would be ice cream—-your suggestion. 

“Ready to get your ass handed in air hockey big shot?” You teased Chan as three headed to the arcade. 

“Oh, you’re so on.” He narrowed his eyes at you in the rear view mirror and you laughed from the backseat. 

“Woah, we should make this more exciting. Make it a wager.” Seungmin proposed from the passenger’s side. 

“What do you have in mind?” You stuck your head in between the two seats and looked at him. 

“Whoever loses...has to dress up as a fanatic at the last game of the season.”

“Isn’t the last game next week?” You asked, and the boys nodded in confirmation.

“Anyways I was thinking big fluffy tutu, face paint, a colored wig.” Seungmin listed out.

“Oh, and my jersey!” You made a disgusted face at Chan.

“Your jersey? You mean the one you sweat in and get both mud and grass stains all over?” The image of it alone was already disturbing, you couldn’t imagine actually putting it on.

“You know I wash it right?”

“Well regardless, what are we going to do if Chan loses though? He can’t do any of that, he had a uniform code to abide by.” You pointed out.

“Good point, if he loses he has to wear all of that to the after party then.”

“After party? Isn’t that only thrown when the team wins? What if the team doesn’t win?” You pointed out.

“The team will win.” Chan said with full confidence.

“No offense, but how are you so sure?” 

“Because, you’re our lucky charm.” 

________

“This is so unfair! He is an athlete! His hand eye coordination is way better than us common folk!” You shouted in disbelief as the last puck went into your goal, signaling that both you and Seungmin lost. 

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” Chan teased as he proceeded to do a victory dance as you and your other friend stared at him unamused. “Oh wait. I only have one extra jersey though, so only one of you can wear it.”

“All yours Seungmin!” 

“What, no way! You should wear it, you had the least amount of points between the two of us.” 

“I– you– ugh!” You couldn’t argue with that. You had to accept the fate of wearing that dingy, stinky, jersey now.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ll do my best to wash it before then.” Chan added, finding it cute how you scrunched up your nose and pouted.

“Great, how reassuring.” 

“Ok that’s enough arcade for tonight. My pocket is running dry and those breadsticks are waiting.” Seungmin stated before making it towards the door with you and Chan following behind. 

The night was coming to an end and you guys were at the last stop–the ice cream shop. The three of you ordered a sundae and took turns scooping from the mountain of frozen dairy, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and rainbow sprinkles. 

“Are you nervous for the last game? You're going against the toughest school right?” You asked, looking at Chan who sat on the other side of the table with Seungmin. 

“A little, but for some reason I just feel really confident in the team so I think we will be fine.” 

“No doubt you got this in the bag man.” Seungmin said through a mouthful of ice cream.

“Nasty! Shut your mouth while you're eating Seungmin!” You tossed a crumpled up napkin at him.

“You’re one to talk, you’re quite a messy eater yourself.” Chan mentioned, reaching over to swipe the chocolate syrup off the corner of your lips. Regardless of how close you two had gotten over these last few weeks, his little gestures like these always caught you off guard, like wiping the corner of your mouth, guiding you somewhere with his hand on the small of your back, walking you to every class period. You’ve known Seungmin for years and he never did these things! Was it because he wasn’t chivalrous enough? Or was Chan too chivalrous? You shook your head of those thoughts and helped the two finish up the sundae.

–––––––––-  

This had got to be the worst outfit you ever wore you thought to yourself as you looked at your reflection in the mirror. The tulle skirt was actually cute but everything else was simply hideous. Seungmin had brought over the accessories in the early evening and you two had spent the last hour or two dressing up and getting ready for tonight’s game. You wore a wine red wig with gold stars painted across your cheeks and of course you kept your end of the deal and had Chan’s jersey on too, which surprisingly smelt of fresh linen. Seungmin on the other hand wore a bright yellow mohawk wig with half his face painted red, adorned with his very own tutu, which was layered over his pants, as well. You two looked awful but extremely hilarious.

“If I don’t get accepted into a college. I could go to the circus looking like this.” 

“Clown college is always an option.” Seungmin joked and you two laughed at your appearances until there were tears in your eyes. 

“Ready to go?” 

“Yup, let’s blow Chan’s socks off with these outfits.”

While you two were busy getting ready for the game, Chan was trying to prepare himself too, but mentally. It wasn’t that he was nervous about the game or the team losing, he had total confidence tonight would bring in another victory. The team had been doing well so far and everyone had been practicing extra hard for this final event. What he was really nervous about was seeing you. 

It had been weeks since he had first met you and the more he had gotten to know you, the more feelings he developed and the harder he fell for you. He had first seen you in the stands when Seungmin introduced you to him and he thought it was funny, yet adorable how your cheeks were stuffed like chipmunks with fried oreos. As time passed, he realized that you weren’t just cute, but so sarcastic, funny, and clever. He loved the way you made him laugh so easily and seeing your eyes turn to crescent moons whenever you smiled affected him more than you would ever know. 

He was planning on confessing to you today, to finally say the words ‘I like you.’ He had tried to do it multiple times before, but he never had the courage. Today was different though. Today you’d be wearing his jersey to the game and he was going to win, afterwards you’d meet him on the field and he’d run to you to say those three words and you guys would gaze into each other's eyes under the twinkling stars before going to the after party together, officially as a couple. That’s how the scene played in his head anyways. 

It was hard to not notice you when you had arrived. Both you and Seungmin stuck out like sore thumbs with the extravagant wigs and tutu combination. He couldn’t keep in his laughter and approached you two, meeting halfway. 

“You guys look amazing. Stars of the show tonight.” He looked at Seungmin before switching his gaze to you. Although he admitted the outfit had some clashing elements, he still thought you looked cute and pretty as ever. Seeing you in his jersey, which was just a bit too big on you, made his heart flip. There you were smiling at him with the light shining on your face, rosy cheeks, and his name written on your backside. How could he stop himself from falling for you?

“Thanks man, if we didn’t lose that game in air hockey, we would’ve never had the excuse to dress up like this. Like the mohawk?” Seungmin pointed to his hair.

“Love it. It’s a great look on you.” He looked at Seungmin before switching his gaze to you. Although he admitted the outfit had some clashing elements, he still thought you looked cute and pretty as ever. Seeing you in his jersey, which was just a bit too big on you, made his heart flip. There you were smiling at him with the light shining on your face, rosy cheeks, and his name written on your backside. How could he stop himself from falling for you?

“We’re going to the party after the game too right? I told my parents I was going to be home late today.” You asked. 

“Yeah, that’s the plan.” Chan said. 

“The game is about to begin, you should get going Chan, we will be in the stands cheering for you.” You reassured him before moving towards the steps to the bleachers, he grabbed your wrist to stop you though. 

“After we win tonight, meet me down on the field right after okay? Don’t wait, I have something important to tell you.” 

“Okay, now go before you’re scolded by the coach!” You ran up the stairs and assumed Seungmin was right behind you, in actuality he had stayed back for a second to talk to Chan. 

“Are you ready man? After you win you gotta use whatever adrenaline left and build up the courage to tell her.” Seungmin reminded Chan, hoping he wouldn’t back out of the confession again. He had been the wingman for weeks now and every time he thought Chan would do it, he didn’t. When his best friend first told him that he had a crush on your other best friend, he was momentarily appalled at the idea. However, after hearing Chan’s explanations on why he likes you and his feelings, he figured third wheeling you two wouldn’t be too bad as long as the both of you were happy, so he went along with it. 

He thought you’d catch onto Chan’s hints and subtle flirting, but either you were too dense or intentionally ignored it. Regardless, he and Chan had been planning this night for too long and he could not let his friend fail again. 

“Don’t worry. I’m going to do it.” 

“Okay, I’m really rooting for you.” 

Then Seungmin joined you in the bleachers and shortly after, the game commenced. 

———- 

It was intense. The opponents were just as good as the rumors made them out to be and your school’s team wasn’t leading, but they weren’t far behind either.

The other team had called for a time out and so the game was on pause. You were nervously eyeing the scoreboard and looked around in the field to find Chan. Was he feeling more pressured now? Hopefully he still had the confidence from earlier. You spotted him, with his back turned, but it was as if he knew you were looking at him because he circled around and locked eyes with you. You gave him two thumbs up and he returned the gesture. 

The whistle blew and everyone got back into their positions. The time was running again and the crowd was cheering nonstop. 

They had to win. 

It was the first game you’d ever gone to over the last few weeks that had gone over time but surely enough, the school reigned victorious. 

“Y/n, remember you had to meet Chan at the field right?” Seungmin reminded you, and thankfully he did because you were so caught up with the win that you’d forgotten for a second 

 “Oh, right. Are you coming?” 

“No, I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit.” With that you left Seungmin and hurried down the bleachers. You had made it to the track and was halfway to the field when you noticed Chan, but he wasn’t alone. 

You stopped mid-step and watched as the unknown girl wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. You couldn’t see her face form here but you had a feeling it was Tiffany again. Your eyebrows furrowed at the sight and there was a sinking feeling in your stomach. 

He said he had something important to tell you. When he said that, a big part of you was looking forward to the end of the game. Not because you wanted to see them win, but because you wanted to hear him tell you what was so important. Was it that he liked you just as much as you liked him? When these feelings first developed, you tried to bury them. Not only was he Seungmin’s friend, which would make things weird, but because you weren’t sure if he was single, and  even if he was, why would he like you when there were so many other girls at the school? But you were bad at burying feelings and it didn’t help that you saw him everyday at school and even more so when you hung out. 

You had been hopeful though, perhaps by some miracle he had a crush on you too. But from the looks of it now, you had been wrong. So you stood there staring like a fool as the girl continued to kiss him. It must’ve been only second but it felt like forever. You snapped out of it when you realized hot tears were running down your cheeks, so you turned to leave through the school gates. 

————-

Chan pushed her off and immediately put distance between himself and the girl. “What are you doing Tiffany?!” 

“Why do you keep calling me Tiffany? You used to call me Tiff or princess.” She said, stomping her feet out of frustration. Chan wanted to roll his eyes at her childish behavior. 

“That was before.” Before was when Chan and Tiffany were together and known as the ‘it’ couple amongst the school. She was the head cheerleader and he was team captain, it was just like all those cheesy teen rom-coms. At the time, he had never dated anyone before and thought what they had was fun, but there was no real chemistry. It had lasted for almost a year but Chan had broken it off. “We’re not together anymore.” 

“Then let’s get back together.” She reached out to him but he stepped back. 

“No, there’s no chance for us anymore Tiffany. I gotta go find someone.” So he left the flabbergasted girl in the middle of the field as he ran off in search of another girl who was in a brightly colored tutu and the jersey with his name on it. With no luck he saw Seungmin and went up to him. 

“Where is she?” Chan asked anxiously.

“What do you mean? I thought she was with you.” Seungmin asked in a wary tone. 

“What? No, I haven’t seen her.” 

“Chan, she left right after the game ended to look for you. How can you possibly be telling me you missed the girl in a bright ass wig and a tulle skirt?” He asked in disbelief. 

“Oh shi—“

————

Thankfully the walk home wasn’t too bad, besides having the cold air nip at your bare skin, it wasn’t a very long walk and before you knew it you were already on the front porch unlocking the door. 

Your parents were already fast asleep and you didn’t want to wake them so you gently closed the door and made way to your room. Your reflection in the mirror revealed the streaks of eyeliner that were smudged around your eyes and the face paint was no longer intact. Washing your face, you tore off all the ridiculous clothes and slipped on your oversized t-shirts and sweats. 

This was so stupid. You felt like a protagonist in one of those typical romance films which is the last thing you had wanted. There you were wrecked in tears, crushing over some guy on a Friday night and he didn’t even realize it. The game was over so he was probably at the after party with that girl right now, meanwhile you were sulking under the covers in bed. 

The phone on your nightstand was chiming non-stop and it dawned on you that you just left Seungmin without a single word. Quickly you swiped your screen open and went to your messages.

Over thirty-two texts–twelve of which were from Seungmin and the rest were all from Chan. You disregarded the latter and tapped on your best friend’s name.

(8:42 pm)

[ seungminnie ] hey, wya?

(8:45 pm)

[ seungminnie ] r u in the bathroom?

(8:46 pm)

[ seungminnie ] wait, did u leave already?

(9:04 pm)

[ you ] yeah, i was feeling tired so i left. sorry, hope you have fun at the party tho. 

You hit send and shut off your phone for the rest of the night. The rest of the night was uneventful as you laid awake, running through everything that had led you up to this point. From the first football game, meeting Chan, befriending him, falling for him, then being crestfallen because of him.

This is why you always stuck to the things you knew, the things you were comfortable with. It had been like this for so long and the one time you finally tried to live life a little bit carefree with less restraints, it backfires. You wanted to blame him for causing this pain in your chest and the waterworks, but at the end of it all, it was your fault for thinking things would be different. Meeting Chan made you optimistic; perhaps those stereotypes about football players and high school kids were wrong. It was your fault for stepping outside of your safe little bubble and expecting things to be okay. You were naive.

————

The afterparty was a bust. After Seungmin had received the text from you, he informed Chan and the two of them were no longer in the mood to go, but everyone else was still in a celebratory mood and the team ushered Chan to join. How could the team captain not go to the party? 

So there he was, sitting on the couch while Seungmin was off trying to grab more sodas. He had plastered on a fake smile when people greeted him. Sure he was happy that they had won, but he didn’t feel like dancing, or mingling, or whatever else teenagers did at parties. All he could think about was how he messed up again at trying to confess to you. You must’ve seen what happened, there was no other reason for you to leave so abruptly like that. He had sent so many texts, sporadic apologies mixed with incoherent explanations. All left unread, unresponded. How was he going to fix this? You clearly didn’t even want to talk to him.

Seungmin came back with two cans in hand and Chan thanked him before popping it open with a satisfying fizz. His friend joined him on the couch and for a while, they just sat quietly, occasionally sipping on the sweet drink while the room around them continued to move to the music and muddled conversations filled the atmosphere. Finally, one of them spoke.

“What am I going to do?” Chan asked, defeat lined his voice.

“Do you really like her man?” Seungmin already knew the answer, but he had to ask.

“Yeah, I really do.” He said without a moment’s hesitation. Chan didn’t have much wisdom or experience when it came to relationships. He’s had crushes on different people before and many have tried to get his attention but none of them had the same effect on him as you did. 

“Then wait until she’s ready to approach you again and fight for her. It’s going to take time but if you want to make it happen, you have to try.” 

Seungmin was right. This wasn’t going to be simple, but he had to try. For you, he would.  

————

You tried to recover over the weekend and Seungmin sent you some texts, checking up on you to ask if you were alright. You were grateful for his concern and reassured him that you were okay, and in a way, it was a half lie, half truth. It was going to take more than two days to get over heartache, but you were prepared to let it go and move on, especially when you realized that it was your mistake to begin with and that even if Chan didn’t like you that way, you still enjoyed having him as a friend. All these weeks you spent with him brought you happiness and you didn’t want to erase all of that just because of some silly feelings. 

Coming to that conclusion, you finally opened the texts that he had sent but you had been ignoring for the last three days. 

(Friday 8:50 pm)

[ chan ] seungmin told me you left, i hope you made it home safely

(Friday 8:51 pm)

[ chan ] he told me u were going to meet me after the game. u must’ve seen us. im sorry

It was difficult to continue reading as your eyes began to blur but you swiped away the tears that threatened to spill and kept scrolling. 

(Friday 8:53 pm)

[ chan ] i really wanted to talk to u. Ik what you must be thinking but it’s nothing, i promise. she isn’t my girlfriend. we used to date but that was a long time ago. it's over now. 

[ chan ] please reply. 

[ chan ] im sorry y/n. seriously, im so sorry. 

(Friday 9:27 pm)

[ chan ] i’ll wait for u until ur ready to talk to me. gn 

That was the last text he sent you. It was just a few sentences but you let out a shaky breath and tossed your phone to the side. He wanted to talk to you, and you wanted to talk to him too. Was it just a big misunderstanding? He said the girl wasn’t his girlfriend, but rather an ex. That didn’t automatically guarantee he was single though, did it? Also, if she was an ex, why did he kiss her then? You groaned and fell into your bed, face planting into the pillows. 

This was so confusing. You should’ve never developed feelings for him. Whether he was single or not shouldn’t matter to you anymore, you just wanted to joke around, make sarcastic comments with each other, and be platonic friends like before. It was less stressful and complicated that way. 

————

Monday rolled around and you gave yourself a mini pep talk before walking through the school doors. You were determined to face him and not break down. This was going to be fine. You whispered to yourself as you spotted Seungmin near your locker, Chan wasn’t with him. Both a little disappointing, yet relieving. 

“Morning gorgeous, you doing well?” Seungmin leaned against your locker door as you grabbed your belongings.

“Well hello to you too gorgeous.” You joked, no matter how bad your weekend was, having your best friend nearby always cheered you up. “I’m doing alright this morning, woke up on the right side of the bed.” 

“That’s good, um, are you going to talk to him today?” He asked cautiously, hoping that it didn’t come off too pushy or nosy.

“Yeah. He said he needed to talk to me after the game right? Might as well see what he had to say.” You shut the metal door and together, you and Seungmin walked to first period. 

Half the school day had passed and the bell rang, signaling that it was lunch. This was it, you were going to face him now. You were afraid he’d avoid you because he didn’t sneak up behind you in the halls or walk your classes today like he usually did, but you saw his figure sitting at the lunch tables through the glass windows. Slowly you made your way to the bench. His back was turned to you so you gently poked his shoulder; he turned and looked up, a gentle smile spread across his face when his chocolate brown eyes locked onto yours. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi.” He breathed out, standing up to match you. “Can we go somewhere to talk?” His hands were shoved in his pockets and he looked at you nervously.

“Yeah.” 

He led the way and you stuck close behind him. Soon the school’s garden came into view and thankfully most people didn’t come here, it was sort of hidden behind all the buildings, so you two had the area to yourself. It was so quiet and mellow here, there weren’t many flowers in bloom due to the recent season change, but it was still very beautiful. 

You sat on the little wooden bench that was placed in the center and he did too, leaving some room in between you two.  

“So, what did you want to talk about?” You started, looking down at your lap to avoid looking at him.

“I’m sorry. That’s the first thing I want to tell you.” He had all his attention on you. Chan paused for a moment before continuing, “You saw me with that girl the other night didn’t you?” You nodded your head wordlessly. His shoulders slumped at your confirmation but he figured you did.v“I know what you saw must’ve been really bad and you probably came up with many assumptions but I’m here to tell you that none of that is true. We aren’t together.” He said firmly.

“Then why did you kiss her?” Your voice was a mere whisper.

“I didn’t kiss her, she just came onto me and I was shocked. Once I had realized what was happening and who it was, I immediately stopped it and told her that she and I were completely over.” Some of the pain in your heart eased hearing this but you didn’t want to be too optimistic.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I need you to know that I am not with her. I am not with anyone.” He said vehemently, leaving no room for doubts. “Y/n, please look at me.” When you didn’t, he gently grasped your chin and turned your head so he could finally meet your eyes. You had a dejected expression and your eyes were glazed over with trapped tears. He cupped your cheek with the palm of his hand; the warmth and closeness made your heart flutter. 

“Y/n.”

“Mmhhm?” You didn’t have the ability to form words at the moment. His touch made you lightheaded and you couldn’t think straight. 

“I like you.” His gaze never tore away from yours. 

“What?” Your forehead wrinkled in puzzlement.  He liked you? Bang Chan, captain of the football team. The boy everyone wanted to be friends with and the guy nearly all the girls swooned for. Bang Chan liked you?

“I. Like. You. Not just as a friend. I like you as a person that I want to go on dates with, hold hands with, make happy memories and experience the highs and lows of life with.” He was so close to you now that you could feel his breath on your cheeks. “You are the girl I wanted to hold in the middle of the field that night and say these words to. I’m sorry that didn’t happen but it’s better late than never.” The words were slowly processing through your head but unconsciously, a grin formed on your lips and red was rushing to your cheeks. 

“Chan, I like you too.” The words came out so easily and the boy immediately broke out into the brightest smile you’ve ever seen.

He leaned in close but before your lips connected he whispered, “Can I kiss you now?”

“Yes.” If someone were to have told you a few months back that you’d be kissing Chan under the cloud-dotted, blue autumn sky after he just confessed his feelings for you, you would’ve guessed they were insane, but there you were now doing exactly that and nothing could’ve made you happier. 

You had always been afraid of trying new things and straying from your typical routine because you didn’t know what challenges life had in store once you’ve ventured too far. Undoubtedly, stepping out of your comfort zone was difficult. Nevertheless, it was worth it because it led you here to this very moment. 

also here is my masterlist in case you want to read my other works!

[antigonewinchester]

The Mark & Hell, part 3

(Previous posts: Intro post; Dean & Hell, season 4; the Mark & Hell part 1; Dean & Hell redux; the Mark & Hell, part 2.)

9x11 is also the episode that explicitly continues the thread of Dean enjoying violence and using that violence to externalize his own pain, particularly with violence as revenge, a prominent aspect of his time torturing in Hell as well as in hunting generally.

Before giving him the Mark, Cain tests Dean to see how strong he is, letting several of Abaddon’s demon lackeys into the room:

DEAN So, this is your play?! Corn?! What am I not getting here? I mean, it's not like you're a coward. CAIN Since when does the great Dean Winchester ask for help? Well, that doesn't sound like the man I've read about on demon bathroom walls. Maybe you've lost a step. Let's find out. [He snaps his fingers and the door (and the fridge in front of it) fly open and STALKER DEMON and a GIRL DEMON rush in. CAIN snaps his fingers again and the door slams shut in front of the others outside.] CAIN [to the demons] Oh, don't mind me. [motions to DEAN] Enjoy yourself.

Dean then fights and kills the demons when they attack him, proving his prowess as a warrior to Cain.

In 9x19, “Alex Annie Alexis Ann,” Sam and Dean help rescue Alex, a teenager who was kidnapped by vampires as a child and then raised by them without being turned. Alex and her story loosely parallel not just aspects of Dean and his upbringing, with both of them helping their families on hunts, but also Dean’s time in Hell, with both Alex and Dean held captive and becoming the focus of an abusive faux-parental figure (the Mama vamp for Alex, Alastair for Dean).

Both Dean and Alex are framed as enjoying violence and hurting others in this ep. For Dean, there’s first when he confronts the vampire Dale:

DEAN You don't want to talk. No skin off my back. 'Cause you see, a blood-sucking, body-chipping vamp – that's bad enough, but vamps… that kidnap kids… Well, I'm going to enjoy putting you down. DALE Of course. Oh, I knew this was about Alexis. I warned mama that girl would screw everything up for us one day.

Near the end of the episode, Dean is attacked by the vampire Connor and fights back, killing him. Afterward, he and Sam talk about it:

SAM Nice work back there. "Look at me, bitch"? DEAN Well, hey, you got another snappy one-liner, I'm all ears. SAM What I'm saying is – it looked to me like you were enjoying it. Maybe too much. DEAN And? Well, sorry for not putting on a hair shirt. Killing things that need killing is kind of our job. Last I checked, taking pleasure in that is not a crime. SAM Right, but...

Dean is all in on hunting here, and particularly the killing side of it. If he’s not good enough to be a savior anymore, then he can at least take some satisfaction in still knowing how to kill, and killing vamps that have kidnapped kids in the bargain. There’s also a quasi-revenge element to Dean’s violence, not only for the vampires having hurt children and kidnapped Alex, but for Dean himself. When Connor attacks Dean, he pins Dean against the wall and goes for his throat, with Dean then getting out of his hold, pinning Connor against the wall, and cutting off his head, killing him in a similar way to how Connor was going to kill Dean moments ago. Dean’s line before he kills him – to “Look at [him], bitch” – also has connotations around humiliation, domination and control. It sounds, perhaps, like something demons could have said to Dean while he was being tortured in Hell, or that Dean himself could have said to one of his own victims.

For Alex, Dale is the one to frame her using this language:

[*FLASHBACK* There is a small flashback to ALEX in a bar getting hit on by a creepy man. She smiles at him and they leave the bar together. Then they are in the house and the man starts to make his move] MAN Come on, sweetie. Aren't you gonna give me a name? ALEX It's... Ann. MAN Mm. Sweet Ann. You got any idea what I'm about to do to you? ALEX Yeah. I do. Nothing. MAN What the… Is this a party? [ALEX'S brothers all walk in and they start to feed on the creepy man *END FLASHBACK*] DEAN She's your lure. DALE Best a vamp could ask for. And you better believe you don't get that good at it unless you enjoy it. In her own sweet way… Girl's as bloodthirsty as any vampire.

While one can be skeptical of Dale here, considering he was Alex’s captor, Alex perhaps enjoying aspects of these hunts and her shame around that feeling would then parallel Dean’s enjoyment of hunting / torturing and his subsequent guilt and moral injury. What that enjoyment could mean is quite complicated – finding a satisfaction in helping to kill creepy old men who would go after young girls? taking an indirect revenge on someone who wanted to rape her? just the experience of telling men No and then being able to enforce that boundary through their deaths? – but I don’t think it does Alex any favors to minimize the complexities of her feelings, her experiences as a captive, and how she lived through it. Later on, Alex describes what sounds like a moral injury when talking about hunting to her vampire Mama:

ALEX I love you, mama. I do. I just – I couldn't take it anymore. The blood and the death, the sounds of their screams. I just… I can't do it anymore. And the way I feel afterwards, the guilt… I'd rather die than feel that way again.

She similarly expresses shame about her actions and what she was forced to do to survive when talking to Jody in the final scene:

ALEX No, I'll just throw it up. But, uh, thank you. I want you to know that… When mama offered, I just… I couldn't disappoint her again. I had enough to be ashamed of as it is. Jody, I-I've done things.

Alex not wanting to “disappoint” her Mama also calls to mind how Alastair tried to use his approval of or disappointment in Dean to manipulate him during season 4. The first time is in 4x10:

DEAN hits ALASTAIR with a crowbar. ALASTAIR Dean, Dean, Dean…  I am so disappointed. You had such promise. ALASTAIR attacks DEAN and SAM.

and the second is in 4x16:

DEAN Now answer the question. ALASTAIR Or what? You'll work me over? But then, maybe you don't want to. Maybe you're, ah, scared to. DEAN I'm here, aren't I? ALASTAIR Not entirely. You left part of yourself back in the Pit. Let's see if we can get the two of you back together again, shall we? DEAN You're gonna be disappointed. [DEAN walks over to the cart.] ALASTAIR You have not disappointed me so far. Come on. You gotta want a little payback for everything I did to you. For all the pokes and prods. Hm? [DEAN is impassive.] No? Um… how about for all the things I did to your daddy? [DEAN's head comes up.]

Finally, there are some uncomfortable sexual undercurrents to Alex and Dean’s hunting experiences, as both of them weren’t only used as lures but as specifically sexualized bait. I’m going to put a pin in this theme now and return to it later on (because frankly I’m still sorting out my thoughts here).

When Dean is under the Mark’s influence in 9x22 and 9x23, he can’t let go of his desire for revenge on Gadreel for killing Kevin and kidnapping Sam, attacking Gadreel when he comes to make amends and help them take down Metatron. Unlike previously over the season, Sam isn’t able to call Dean back from the Mark’s power, and Sam and Cas have to lock Dean up to prevent him from hurting Gadreel or anyone else. However, Dean is able to escape with Crowley’s help, and the two of them work to track down Metatron until Dean and Sam reconnect mid-way thru 9x23. They seemingly go to face Metatron together, but Dean knocks Sam out and then attempts to take on Metatron alone. Unfortunately, even the Mark and the Blade aren’t enough to defeat the angel. Dean loses the fight, with Sam reaching him just as Metatron stabs Dean in the chest. Before Dean dies, he tells Sam, “it's better this way...” because the Mark was “making [him] into something [he doesn’t] want to be,” an echo of what Alex said about how she’d rather die than feel the guilt that came with helping her family hunt and kill people again. But (of course) Dean’s death isn’t the end, as Crowley then uses the Blade and the Mark to resurrect him as a Knight of Hell.

Sources

“4.10 Heaven and Hell (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 13 Nov 2018.

“4.16 On the Head of a Pin (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 11 Feb 2021.

“9.11 First Born (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 3 Apr 2021.

“9.19 Alex Annie Alexis Ann (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 19 Feb 2018.

“9.23 Do You Believe in Miracles? (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 4 Oct 2017.

femmedeanna. “Untitled” (Dean & Alex playing bait for monsters and humans, respectively). Tumblr, 2016.

[xbunnybunz]

Weak Hero University (2/?) [Reader x Weak Hero]

Summary: I know you assholes are crying now that the first season of Weak Hero is over. But you’ve got other things to focus on, like where the fuck you’re going to live after getting kicked out of your old dorm. Luckily, you’ve found one last open room on the other side of Weak Hero University. What could possibly go wrong?

Genre: Romance, Humor, Slice of Life

Date: 6/1/2021

A brief introduction of everyone later, you haul a suitcase into the room while Ben noisily and clumsily pulls on his shorts, after much persuading from his friends.

“You’re living… Here? In the boys dorms?” Eugene asks, tagging beside carrying your schoolbag. “Isn’t that against the campus policy?”

You park the suitcase beside by your room and sigh, popping your back briefly.

“I’m just as confused as you guys are, but the keys here seem to be for this room here.” You allow a single gold-hued key to dangle from your fingers on a cheap polyester lanyard, Eugene’s eyes follow the menacing stare of the school mascot printed on the side until you pull it out of his sight.

“Let’s see just how fucked up this school is when it comes to money extortion.” You put the key in the door and hear a tell-tale metallic ‘click.’

“Wow.” A voice says from the couches. “Pretty fucked up.”

You sigh, shoulder slumping forward. “Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.”

Most of the items go into your room without much hassle at all. A suitcase full of cute PJs you and your nonexistent best gal roommates could rave over, a plastic box full of face masks you’d probably never be able to use without being made fun of, and a waterlogged ziplock baggie half-full with notes (and corn chips) from last semester.

What? A folder? What the fuck is a folder?

A boy with silver hair passes by and begins to say something to you, but seems to debate better options when he sees the plastic baggie on the floor.

Feeling slighted somehow, you ask Eugene who he is once he’s out of earshot.

Eugene laughs and begins to speak but an arm looping around his neck cuts him off.

A pair of shimmering emerald eyes meet your own, but it’s clouded with a shadow of mischief. “You haven’t heard? That’s the white mamba of E-quad. He’s fearlessly beaten bastards so bloody with belts that we have metal detectors installed at the dining hall entrances now!”

“Stop exaggerating, Alex.” Eugene chokes out, sounding mildly discontented while desperately trying to pry the arm from around his neck.

“Wait, that was because of him?”

Eugene and Alex both freeze, brows furrowed. “Wait, you weren’t kidding?” Eugene asked.

“I was.” Alex says.

They both fix their gazes on you, and you’re suddenly struck with the memories of needing to surrender your lockpicking kit in front of several dozen freshmen behind you, and the hot desire to bury that memory consumes you.

“Haha, me too.”

They don’t seem convinced.

Before the conversation about buckle-assisted homicide can continue, a large shadow descends upon your form and a great arm reaches out from the heavens above. “Here, I grabbed this from the kitchen in case you needed a snack.”

You look up and see Gerard, the tallest and blindest of the group. You accept his gift of a single (1) lunchables capri-sun with much adoration in your heart.

“Thanks Gerard.”

He gives you a smile to remind the audience that he is, simply put, cool as fuck.

“No problem.”

Well, one problem. You eye the last bit of your luggage sitting at the doorway like a heaping pile of hot flaming garbage. It’s an amalgamation of the extraneous bits of your personality you’ve collected over the course of the past semester at Weak Hero University and maybe a forgotten bagel. Despite your previous roommate’s pleads for you to throw some of it out, you’d be damned if you weren’t a treacherous little hoarder. Simply put, it was a huge box of insignificant trinkets that made for a very significant problem. You had gotten lucky to cross paths with a cute but gullible junior earlier, who you immediately marked as prey and flirted with before unceremoniously dumping your crap on him to carry across campus. But now you’d have to pick up the box of crap yourself, which would prove to be a challenge with how little you actually wanted to be responsible for your own items.

The three boys see you eying the box and you perk up immediately, eyes glimmering with the possibility of wooing the fine gentlemen into helping a oh-so-meek lass like yourself.

You twirl a piece of hair between your fingers and bat your eyelashes at nothing at all, pouting your lips and hoping they weren’t too crusty. “Oh, I’m so tired. How am I ever going to move that big and heavy box?”

You stare dismally into an off-corner and attempt to look forlorn, grimacing when you see a weird  construction of a human-sized dorito-chip statue made of empty dorito bags beside the television. This was the moment your main love interest would swoop in and offer his servitude to you, dewey roses blossoming on convenient parts of the screen. Here it was, your very own shoujo moment!

But there’s no offer. In fact, you stare so long at the doritos statue that you begin to get spots in your vision.

When you turn back, the boys are by the box in question, though they are not attempting to move it at all. Instead, they lament over the problem with you as opposed to offering a solution.

“Ah, that thing looks so heavy. Sucks to be you.” Alex laughs.

Euguene shakes his head. “Right? I wouldn’t even be able to get a corner off the ground.”

Gerard places a thoughtful hand on the back of his neck. “You should probably save the capri-sun for after moving everything.”

Ugh.

Just when all hope seemed lost, Ben meanders out of his room. This time, all his articles of clothing are intact.

“Hey, what are you guys staring at?”

Yes! This was your movie-moment after all!

“Oh Ben! Thank god you’re here.” You resume your maiden in distress pose. “I was just so tired from the trip, my feeble heart and body can’t bear to-“

Alex pokes his head up when he hears Ben approaching, waving him over. “Look at all this shit she has. She’s like those people on My Strange Addiction!”

Irritated that he’s cut you off, you try to continue. “I won’t ever be able to lift all that on my own-!”

“Aren’t you talking about Hoarding, Buried Alive?” Gerard asks, clearly already losing interest in the luggage.

“Actually, I think that would be Hoarders, the reality television show that aired a little before My Strange Addiction took flight! It’s actually really interesting how that all started out, if you want to hear about it.”

You scowl at the back of Eugene’s head and stop quickly when Ben shoots a grin at you.

He puffs out his chest in a stupid himbo way and thrusts his thumb into his chest. “I can move this for you! No sweat! Just tell me where you want it!”

Sweet! You were about to resort to desperate begging, but those plans are cancelled!

You clasp your hands together and sigh, envisioning a world where men with muticolored hair fall in love with you.

“Oh, anywhere in here is fine, thank you so much Ben!”

As he goes in to lift it, you can see his muscles straining against the well-fitting fabric of his shirt.

Oh yes, this is definitely worth the dorming fee.

“Ben, you’re so sweet for helping me with this!” He ambles past you while struggling to hold the lid of the box closed. A strained voice comes from beyond the green rim of the bin. “Yep, no problem at all.”

You follow him into your room, tailing him while rambling about how grateful you were.

“You know, there was a junior who I met by the campus square on my way here. He helped me move everything to this building, but he struggled with that box a lot longer than you! I’m actually not sure how you’re even getting it off the ground without a wedge and trolley, but boy am I glad!”

Ben stops at the foot of your bed, barely able to peek over the edge of the bin. “Erm. Is here okay?”

“Hey I mean, as strong as that guy was, you’re definitely cuter than him. I was almost sad to see him go, but that’s the life of a busy woman!”

“Pleasemyarmsareshaking-”

“As great as all this is, I’m actually really excited to make friends with everyone! Given these strange circumstances that usually only happen to indulge borderline psychotic fans, we should take advantage and-”

Ben drops the box on the floor and you screech, a pain shooting up your leg and pumping adrenaline into your veins.

“-FUCK! Shit!”

Ben freezes and realizes the absolutely fuckery he has just caused, but before he can react, you grab the corner of the box and throw it off your foot in a show of brute gorilla strength, crumpling to the floor in agony.

The boys have their heads poked into the doorway, curious after hearing two cuss words successively. They blanche when they realize the situation.

“Oh fuck. My bad?” Ben wants to comfort you but is frankly quite scared to after seeing your display of power.

“Did she just throw that thing with one hand?” Gerard asks.

Alex stares at the scene before him. “What the hell happened to her foot?”

Eugene titters about nervously, playing with his fingers “Do we have first aid?”

From the kitchen, a deadpan voice is heard. “Where’s my capri sun?”

[yungidreamer]

Generosity

Summary:  The Christmas holidays come and San joins her and her family for the holiday celebrations. He is made to feel like one of the family while Yunho and Mingi have their own celebrations at home. After the big day, Mingi is invited over to Yunho's so he can get away from his family and the boys plan a naughty show for their girl.

word count: 9.5k

Content warnings: Warm family stuff, mourning the things you wish you had, car sex, anal sex, a little bit of consensual exhibitionism and voyeurism, and a little bit of angst about not always having the love and the family that everyone deserves to have.

“Honey, it’s time to get up!” Her mother’s voice drifted through the door to her sleepy ears. It had taken her so long to fall asleep last night. Really, there wasn’t a good reason for it. She had even gone to bed early. It was Christmas Eve and she was actually looking forward to Christmas. San was staying over, finally agreeing when her father insisted that he come when his dad, again, went out of town over the holiday period.

It had been fun to have him around, not only because he was fun to hang around with in general, but because he was actually really good with her brother. Jacob was in that weird teenage period of his life where everyone in the family was just too uncool and none of them could possibly understand the things he liked and the things they liked, well, he would never give them a chance. But somehow, San could be cool. Jacob liked San. He liked having him there and seemed to think that they were on the same team. Really, it was fucking adorable.

In the couple of days before he came over she and her mother had gone shopping for a few things to put under the tree for him. Her mother had picked out a few items of clothing of the same sort that she had gotten for her own kids, as well as some things for school like a nice pen and a day planner. She had gotten him a tub of that bubbly face mask and a couple of sheet masks for him to use when he was back at school by himself. She also bought him a gift card for a music service and an IOU for a bus ticket to visit them sometime next semester. Her father had gotten him a new leather wallet, saying it was the sort of thing all adult men should really have.

She spent the evening before he arrived making sure that it was all wrapped and properly tagged. The thing from her father she put his name on, the clothes came from Santa as they always did, school supplies from mom, and the facemask, IOU, and gift card were from her. The presents were tucked in alongside all the others to be put out under the tree after everyone went to bed on Christmas Eve.

San arrived on the day before Christmas Eve and was immediately understood where she had gotten her instinct for cozy places. It was very apparent they were a Christmas sort of people. Their house had been warm and welcoming over Thanksgiving, with a nice atmosphere and plenty of food to be had, but the house itself had just looked like, well, a nice house. Between now and then it felt a little like elves had stopped by to make every corner just a little more festive. Christmas knick knacks were put on every shelf and sill and a massive Christmas tree had been put in front of the big picture window at the front of the house, making it visible to anyone who passed by.

It was really the small details that hit him though. If you didn’t look too closely, it looked like one of those pleasant cottagey sorts of homes that were picture perfect in their homey mismatched decor, but when he looked a little closer, it was far more authentic than that description would credit. On the hearth were an assortment of figures, small and made from porcelain, each different from each other. One was a little bassinet on a sled with the words Baby’s First Christmas. When he picked it up he could see her birth year on the back and a small chip on the base on one side. There was another Baby’s First Christmas from a few years later, obviously for Jacob’s first Christmas. A third was Our First Christmas. They were all mementos of important years, important moments in their lives.

The large fake tree they had was covered with a hodgepodge of ornaments that were everything from enamel baubles, to stained glass pieces, to popular characters, to animated scenes that encapsulated holiday moments or stories. As he looked through them he could see that they were all dated and named and had been collected over the course of the last couple of decades. 

It was interesting, he could see the personalities of each of the members come out in their choices. Her mother liked things that were beautiful and artistic. Her ornaments included a sparkling star of stained glass, a large three dimensional heart made of enamel which was decorated with a wreath of holly around its middle, and something that looked like a hollow sugar egg filled with a sparkling winter scene.

Her father seemed to like somewhat simple and straightforward ornaments. His included a globe shaped ball of wood, covered with an inlaid design of the star and the three wise men. Another was a small wreath decorated with small balls of various colors that reflected the lights of the tree when it was set in its branches. Perhaps San’s favorite  of his was the bubble-like iridescent glass ball that had three smaller glass balls set inside of it. It was just eye catching, how it caught the light, when you finally noticed it.

Jacob’s ornaments were mostly reflective of his likes, full of super heroes, book characters, and animals. They were expressive and lively, much like the kid himself. Really, his were probably the easiest to pick out as almost all of them were only incidentally Christmasy: Superman carrying a wreath, a puppy ripping open some presents, Harry Potter on a broom with his wand out. He was clearly following the family tradition, but not because of a special like of the holiday which seemed apparent in the choices made by everyone else.

She seemed to love things that were animated, seasonal, and nostalgically captured moments. There were a number of ornaments with little moving parts like a mouse on the pendulum inside of a little clock or a kitten that rocked as it played with an ornament near a hearth. She also loved little lit scenes like a gingerbread like house that had windows that lit up with bright orangey light from the inside. So many of them were little places and little moments you wanted to step inside and live in their coziness.

He loved it and it was all just so...them. Christmas had always been fun and warm at home but a little more formal, planned, and stilted. They had their traditions and way of doing things, but, he supposed, thinking back at it now, his parents had been in a world of their own and he had happily been along for the ride. It was probably what had made the loss of his mother so hard for his father. They had their world, their way of doing things, their household. It hurt a little to confront but he couldn’t change it. He could, however, do better himself when he found someone and had kids of his own. He wanted to make a place where everyone felt loved and welcome, like her family had done for him.

On Christmas Eve, the whole family, San included, had gathered in the living room to watch their favorite Christmas movie. Their dad put in the DVD of A Muppet Christmas Carol, while her mom got out the large tub of flavored popcorns they always got from the school fundraiser. She recommended the caramel kettle corn to San and he had been right, it was pretty good, as was the cheesy version which her brother was very fond of. They watched the movie, singing along with the songs, and it was apparent that all of them had watched it many, many times and would happily do so in years to come. When the movie was over, they had all gone to bed to let Santa come and so that everyone could get up bright and early to start Christmas.

San had curled up in his bed in the study and fallen asleep quickly in the warm comfort of the house. Jacob was happy to go to his room, but spent a few hours reading before he actually went to sleep. Her parents were quick and efficient in their preparations, laying out all the presents and setting out the stuff that would just make the morning go faster when it came. She, on the other hand, tried to go to sleep, but instead tossed and turned, feeling lonely without the arms of the boys there to hold her as she was going to sleep. She did finally fall asleep after a few hours, but still slept fitfully as she still reached for them even in her sleep.

When morning came and her mother roused her from her bed, she climbed out and headed to the living room to join the rest of her family. She ran into San in the hallway along the way and they walked down the hallway arm in arm to the dining room table. Everyone picked up their portion of sticky buns and a cup of cider or coffee and headed into the living room to eat around the tree. While her mom had warmed up the baked goods in the oven, her father had laid a fire in the fireplace, turned on the tree, and put on some quiet Christmas music to make the mood.

It was the best Christmas morning San could have hoped for. He sat himself beside her, laughing and chatting with her as they ate the little morning snack for breakfast. She looked tired and her hair was still a little bit of a mess, having come out without having done her hair to join the family for the homey holiday morning. He gave her a hug with one arm around her shoulders and mussed her hair affectionately.

“Hey, I’m already looking messed up enough, I don’t need any help with it,” she joked, lightly smacking his hands away.

“You look cute,” San assured her. “I should take a picture for the boys. I bet they would love it.”

“No need,” she laughed. “They get to see this all the time. Tired me, looking like a mess.”

“I doubt they have gotten tired of it or something,” San assured her. “One sec, I’ll be right back.” San got up and made his way back to his room, getting his phone before coming back out. He wanted to get pictures and he wanted to share this Christmas experience with his friends and her lovers. He took a couple of photos of the breakfast buns that were left in the pan in case anyone wanted another before he headed into the living room again. Before she noticed, San snapped a couple of pictures of her on the floor near the tree as she ate and sipped her coffee. She looked cute and small, sitting cross legged on the floor near the tree not far from her parents. Her brother was stretched out on the couch behind their parents.

“Okay everyone,” Her mom sat forward, setting aside her cup of coffee. “Let’s open presents.” She reached under the tree and started sifting through the packages there and pulling something out for everyone, San included, much to his surprise.

“You didn’t think we’d forget about you, did you?” She said, elbowing him playfully as he drew up beside her.

“You didn’t have to, you know,” He said softly, bumping his head into hers gently.

“Merry Christmas, bub,” she told him, pulling him into a real hug. “Just remember, you’re the oldest kid here now.”

“Of course,” San gave a sudden and heartfelt laugh. “I hope you’re ready to have an overprotective brother.”

“Uh-oh, I take it back,” she chuckled as she pulled back.

“Nope, too late,” San shook his head as mischief sparkled in his eyes, that’s what it was, definitely not tears, that was for sure.

“Okay Jacob, you can open first,” her mother said, starting the process that allowed everyone to take turns as they opened presents and thanked the giver for what they had received. The turns went for as many rounds as there were presents left for people to open. The numbers of presents were pretty even all around, with her and Jacob being the last two who had a couple of extra things they went through quickly.

San looked at the little pile of presents in front of him and felt a rush of gratitude and a poignant spike of admiration for the people who had invited him into their closest moments. Nothing there was particularly expensive, except maybe the wallet, but he really couldn’t tell, however, it was the sort of basic necessities or fun things family got for each other to make sure you had what you needed and could have fun now and again too. He hadn’t really had time to get them anything before he came over and it also hadn’t crossed his mind. It probably should have, he told himself with an internal sigh. If he comes again another year, he promised himself, he will definitely get some next time.

With presents opened, it was time for everyone to throw themselves into the project of Christmas dinner. There was a lot to be done, but between mom and dad’s co-delegation of the work to everyone, all the jobs were started that would get dinner on the table by around three in the afternoon. Everyone had a job or two they needed to do and had a place to start. Not everything needed to be done at the same time, but most things could be done ahead, even if they couldn’t be cooked until later.

With everyone working and cheery holiday instrumentals playing on speakers through the house, it was actually fun to take part in and San felt like he could at least be useful. He stood with her at the counter, peeling potatoes then chopping them up to be boiled in a couple of hours.

“How did your mom know what size I wear,” San poked at her as they worked.

“I did your laundry, remember,” she teased. “I know all of your sizes now.”

“Sneaky,” he admitted. “I’ll remember this and treat any interest you have in me and my stuff with the deepest suspicion.” He gave her an over dramatic suspicious look that sent her into a fit of snickers that drew looks from everyone else in the kitchen.

“What’s so funny,” her father asked, coming up behind them and checking on their progress.

“He’s going to be suspicious of me and my detective skills from now on since I remembered his clothing sizes from doing his laundry,” she told him with a note of pride.

“That’s my girl,” he said kissing the top of his daughter’s head. “Too smart of all of our good.”

“I’m guessing she got that from somewhere,” San gave him a suspicious look as her father took the large pot of potatoes.

“Don’t look at me for that,” her father advised. “Her mother is terrifying in how she remembers the strangest things.”

“Only because no one else in this house remembers where they leave anything,” her mother joined the conversation and gave all the other members of her family an expressive glare.

“Hey, I’ve gotten way better at all of that stuff,” she protested her mother’s characterization.

“I’m sure looking after those two boys has contributed to that,” her mother put a hand on her hip.

“I...say nothing,” she settled on as an answer, not  wanting to give her the satisfaction of admitting she might be right. San bit his lip at the scene and wondered if Yunho and Mingi might have objected to the characterization.

“Can I come over tomorrow?” Mingi asked Yunho when he called him late on Christmas night, after everyone in his house had gone to bed.

“I...I think so,” Yunho sat up a little straighter in bed at Mingi’s tight voice. “Is everything okay?”

“I just hate everything here,” he stood near the window in his room wishing that he was back at their home, even if he had to be there alone. “My dad can’t not pick at things and he keeps asking me why I only got B’s in two classes on my midterms. Never mind the three A’s I got.”

“Don’t let it get to you,” Yunho told him, knowing that it was easier said than done. “I’m proud of you, love. You’re so smart and you work hard. It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

“I love you, too,” Mingi said in a small voice. “I miss you. And I miss her. I miss home.”

“I wish you could just have spent Christmas here with me,” Yunho sighed. “Mom asked about you. She was wondering how both of you are doing. I told her you did so well and that you studied so hard. She was proud of you.”

“I’ll remember to thank her when I see her,” Mingi gave a half laugh. “You’re so lucky to have your mom.”

“I know,” Yunho admitted, casting a glance in the direction of her room where he knew she was sleeping. “My mom has always been good at making sure I knew she loved me even if she isn’t always good at loving herself enough.”

“What did you get for Christmas, anyway?” Mingi asked him, thinking of a happier direction for their conversation.

“Mostly clothes,” Yunho shrugged. “But I also got a new laptop for classes. She was worried that the old one wasn’t working so well and had gotten too slow.”

“Oh I got a new laptop, too,” Mingi responded. “But they also got me a new console, a new phone, and some gift cards for games as well as all the clothes and stuff.”

“Wow, you made bank,” Yunho gave a low whistle.

“Yeah,” Mingi admitted. “I usually get a lot of stuff, but I don’t know… it’s never anything that I really ask for.”

“I wanted to thank you again for the suit,” Yunho told him warmly. “Mom really loves it. I wore it for Christmas dinner even though it was just me and Mom. You would have loved to see her face. I can’t wait to give you what I got you for Christmas.”

“I wish we had had more time with just us,” Mingi admitted. “I wish we had gotten to do our own Christmas before we headed home.”

“Yeah, but it was also really nice having our friends around, even if the reason they ended up over was kind of weird,” Yunho pointed out.

“Yeah,” Ming agreed with a smile. “It was really fun to have all of them over. Did San send you all the pictures he took of their Christmas, too?”

“He did and it looks like he had so much fun,” Yunho giggled. “I’m honestly a little jealous. He got to have so much fun with our girl. I wish it could have been us. At least San shared it with us.”

“Yeah and I am glad he isn’t alone,” Mingi shrugged, having felt closer to being alone than he really wanted to admit.

“I’ll tell mom you are coming over in the morning when I get up,” Yunho told him. “Come by in the afternoon when you can.”

“Okay,” Mingi sighed. “Just call me if she isn’t okay with me coming over or something.”

“She’ll be so glad to see you,” Yunho assured him. “I can’t wait to see you.”

“I...I love you,” Mingi cast an eye to his bedroom door, suddenly self conscious. “See you tomorrow.”

“Love you and sleep well,” Yunho told him gently.

“Night.”

“Night.”

The day after Christmas Mingi found himself on Yunho’s doorstep, standing nervously holding the little gift he had gotten for Yunho’s mom. He had actually gotten it when he bought Yunho’s gift himself, running across a holiday kiosk shop with all sorts of little things. He had spotted the small snow globe with the polar bear chorus inside and somehow he had thought of her. Inside was a trio of them, holding sheet music in books, with little red and white scarves wrapped around their necks. It had made him smile and seemed sweet like the little woman who had somehow given birth to the giant that Yunho had grown into.

She answered the door, pulling Mingi inside with a warm hug and happy greetings. Her home was small and a little worn but always warm. She helped him hang up his coat and stow his boots on the mat near the door.

“Oh you look so handsome,” she cooed, keeping him slightly hunched from his hug so she could get a good look at his face.

“Thank you, Ms. Jeong,” Mingi beamed at her.

“Oh honey, you can just call me mom,” she corrected. “I’m so happy to see you. Come and tell me about how you have been doing. How was school? Are you seeing anyone?”

“Mom, I already told you all of that,” Yunho sighed and shook his head at his mother.

“Well maybe you don’t know everything,” she waved her finger at her son. “Maybe I also just want to hear it from him, too.” Mingi happily took a seat with her on the old, worn corduroy couch and answered her questions about how he was and what it was that he had been doing since she had seen him last. She was happy to see him looking healthy, though she wasn’t sure he was eating enough.

“I’m sure that both of you have gotten at least an inch taller and two inches skinner since Thanksgiving,” she shook her head as she looked Mingi up and down. 

“I actually think I’m gaining weight,” Mingi said, his hands going to his stomach he was sure was getting a little pooch to it.

“No,” she dismissed. “You are still such an adorable skinny boy like my Yunho.”

“Mom, we are fine and we are eating plenty,” Yunho hugged her from behind. “In fact, you can see us eat plenty now if we pull out some leftovers.”

“Oh yes,” she nodded, getting up and heading to the kitchen. Christmas in the Jeong household was less extravagant than at the Song household, but the heart and soul that went into her food always was apparent. She took the time to score and baste the ham and always made a gravy with the drippings that came off. Her yams were always sweet and the marshmallows on top were always perfectly toasted. Mingi was pretty sure that her stuffing was his favorite dish. It was always perfectly spiced and fluffy with just the right amount of walnut crunch mixed in.

They piled leftovers on their plates and stuck them in the microwave to reheat everything before they sat around the small round table in the dining room. She kept the warm conversation going as they ate, listening to the boys talk about school, their interests, the food, and anything else. She loved the smile that her son always got when he joked with Mingi. It was when he seemed happiest. Well with him or her or, better yet, the both of them. Her son had always been a little quiet, a little shy and that had made it a little hard for him to make friends over the years. He had found some and lost some and had never been alone, but the way she had seen him flourish with their friendship had made her so happy and proud. He had gotten so confident and so comfortable in his own skin in a way she had only hoped he would be someday. She hoped that it would just last, even if they all went different ways. After all, it was so easy to think that life as it was now, at their age, would always stay the same.

When they were done, the boys volunteered to wash the dishes and let her relax a little, but she took the chance to pull out the little present she had been saving for Mingi. He usually came by over the breaks and, even if he hadn’t, she could have always sent Yunho back with the little thing. That was probably what she would have to do with her gift for her. She didn’t take it personally that their girl didn’t make it every holiday. Her family was much more serious about spending the time together and her family was also much more...pleasant (she said diplomatically even in her head) to be around. She knew what the two boys meant to her and she was always lovely when she did find the time to come by.

When she came back out, the boys were just finishing with the dishes, drying the last two plates before putting them back in the cabinets. She waited for them to be done before she beckoned them both back into the living room. Sitting down in the seat nearest the glow of the lights on the tree, she patted the seat next to her, inviting the boy to sit beside her.

“Oh, one second,” he said when he saw the little gift in her lap. He took big loping steps back to where his coat hung and fished into one of the pockets to pull out his small gift for her. The proud and happy smile on his face as he came back carrying that little package meant more than anything that could be inside it. She loved to see Mingi when he was filled with joy and confidence, especially when she thought of the awkward anxious boy she had first met. He thought he had hid it so well with the way he squared his shoulders, jutted out his chin, and would make boasts. But the boy here, on her couch was brimming with confidence by comparison and she couldn’t have been more proud.

“Here, I got this for you, too,” he handed her the box before accepting her gift.

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” she scolded, patting his knee with affection.

“I know, but I thought of you when I saw it,” he shrugged, giving her a shy look as his eyes traveled down to the gift from her in his lap.

“Open it,” she encouraged. Mingi nodded and ripped into the paper eagerly. Inside was a little graphic novel he recognised as the latest volume of one of his favorite series. He hadn’t been keeping up with it since he had gone off to school with as much as he had been focusing on classes.

“I thought you might have gotten it for yourself so there is a gift receipt inside and you can get something else if you have it or if you are tired of this series,” she explained anxiously. “I just remember you used to read these and this one only came out a couple of months ago.”

“I don’t have it yet, and thank you,” he leaned over and pulled her into a hug. “I love it but I hadn’t even realized this was out yet.”

“I’m so glad you like it,” she glowed at him, patting the arms that embraced her. “Merry Christmas, my dear.”

“You should open yours,” Mingi said excitedly, pulling back again.

“Oh, of course,” she looked at the box in her lap. It was heavier than she would have guessed for the size and was actually curious what he had gotten her. She opened the paper carefully, picking at the tape so that she could save the pretty paper that he had put on her gift. Under the paper she found a plain cardboard box which she turned over until she found a side that looked like the top, thanks to the little divot on one side where the top tucked in. Finally she peered inside to find a fist sized glass globe. She slid it out of the box and smiled as she finally got a good look at it.

“Oh Mingi, I love it,” she said softly.

“Look, it also plays music,” Mingi took it from her hands and turned the little key set in the base. He wound it until it couldn’t any more and then turned it right before letting it go. Faint strains of I’ll Be Home for Christmas as little flecks of glitter swirled in the liquid around the little polar bears inside.

“A perfect song,” She grinned up at him. “And you thought of me when you saw it. I am so touched, sweetie.”

“You like it?” He asked, his whole face lighting up with his smile.

“It’s wonderful,” she assured him, giving the globe another swish to stir up the glitter again. “Thank you so much. I’ll treasure it.”

“I’m...I’m so happy you like it,” Mingi said as he watched her wind it one more time, before putting it in a safe place on the entertainment center.

“I’ll see it there,” she decided. “I’ll keep it safe with the other Christmas decorations when I put them away. But I already can’t wait to get it out again next year.”

Be in bed by 11, we have a surprise for you 💞

The message came through to her phone not long before dinner. A little piece of her hated them for sending the message then. Now she had to wait for hours to find out what they had planned for her. Curiosity niggled at her the whole evening, leaving her distracted over dinner and not following the conversation unless someone said her name.

“Everything okay?” San asked quietly, after having to nudge her to bring her attention back to the conversation happening around her.

“Yeah, just distracted,” she gave him an apologetic smile, making him laugh and shake his head. San could guess, especially by the way she kept checking her phone, just who was on her mind. He had sympathy for her but he still couldn’t help finding it funny. He honestly couldn’t help but wonder what her parents would think if they knew the arrangement. They’d probably get over eventually but it would be a battle. Their sense of how things ought to be would be a hurdle to their acceptance.

By 10:30 she was checking her watch and giving exaggerated yawns as she set the stage to go to bed more than an hour before she would have usually, given that it was very much still a holiday and she could still sleep late and while away the day doing whatever relaxing thing she wanted. So far she had read three books she had been meaning to read and watched half a drama with San, who was a master at snappy commentary about the story and characters. They would definitely be able to finish it before they went back and she was having lots of fun with it. San had actually made being at home without the boys way easier than it would have been otherwise.

“I’m gonna head to bed,” she stretched as she stood up and made her announcement to the room casually. “I’ll probably read a little before I actually sleep, but I’m going to go ahead and lie down.”

“Okay honey,” her mother said, looking up from her cross stitching she had in her hands. “See you in the morning.”

“Sleep well,” her father said lightly.

“I think I’ll head to bed, too,” San said, standing up from his seat near her.

“Have a good night,” her mother said to San. He nodded to both of them before following her back towards their rooms.

“Tell the boys I say hi,” San said playfully just before he ducked into the guest room. She flashed him a warning glare mixed with humor as she watched him before she slipped into her own room. Locking her door, just to be safe, she changed into her pajamas and got into bed with her phone and headphones.

I’m in bed, she messaged, biting her lip in anticipation as she sent it. Expecting to wait for a little while, she closed the app and turned on some music to listen to while she tried to stay busy. The video call that interrupted her after only about thirty seconds surprised her, though perhaps it shouldn’t have, after all, she wasn’t the only one who had been looking forward to this for hours.

“Hi babe,” Mingi said, his face taking up half the screen next to Yunho’s, both peering at her from a dark space she couldn’t place.

“Hey loves,” she said quietly, making sure her voice wouldn’t carry outside of her room. “What are you two doing together?”

“I visited Yunho today,” Mingi confessed, casting a grateful look to the other boy. “He invited me over so that I could get out of the house.”

“That was sweet,” She gave them both warm smiles. “But you aren’t still there. Where are you two?”

“In the car,” Yunho chuckled, turning the camera around so she could see they were parked somewhere secluded, surrounded mostly by snow.

“What are you doing out there?” She questioned with a giggle. “Why are you out there in the cold?”

“We wanted to do something...give you a little show,” Mingi replied mischievously, coming close to the camera as he spoke.

“A show?” She repeated, feeling a blush rising on her cheeks at the thought.

“Have you been missing us?” Yunho looked into the camera flirtatiously. 

“Of course,” she sighed, feeling a little tingle rising in her stomach.

“We’ve missed you,” Yunho continued, slipping an arm around Mingi’s shoulders. “Should we give her a little taste of the love we want to show her?”

“Yeah,” Mingi agreed, melting a little into Yunho’s embrace. “I want her to watch.”

“You want her to see me take you?” Yunho asked, changing position to move Mingi to sit between his legs, coaxing him to lean against his chest. Mingi nodded in response, making himself a little smaller as he leaned back.

“Give our lovely Mingi a kiss,” she prompted, her heart speeding up as she did.

Mingi turned his head and looked up to Yunho behind him. The two shared a look for a second before they came together, lips meeting in a soft brush of skin on skin. Yunho reached up a hand to caress Mingi’s cheek, helping him angle his face. Yunho controlled the speed of their kiss, keeping it agonizingly slow and light as their lips moved. His thumb brushed over the corner of Mingi’s mouth, coaxing him to open his mouth slightly. Mingi huffed slightly and opened to allow the kiss to deepen. 

As she watched the two of them she could feel a thrill of excitement move through her, tensing her stomach muscles and moisture starting to build between her legs. They looked so beautiful together. The sharp lines of their jaws and the way their fine features seemed to match and compliment each other. Her eyes focused on the perfect shape of Yunho’s Cupid’s bow lips as they moved in profile. They looked too perfect, too ideally shaped as they touched Mingi’s.

Mingi’s lips were largely hidden between Yunho’s lips and hand but her eyes moved along the line of his jaw and down the line of his long throat. His Adam’s apple bobbed with his nervous swallows as he kissed the boy behind him. There was a sort of softness that came over his angular features as they touched.

“Did you like that, too?” Yunho asked after he pulled back from the kiss, still continuing to hold Mingi against him.

“Yes,” she said softly, sinking further into the bed, eyes locked on the screen.

“What do you want to see?” Mingi asked, looking up at the camera through his lashes.

“Can you undress each other?” She decided after a brief pause. “I want to see you both.”

“Should I start with unwrapping our beautiful boy, here?” Yunho teased, running his fingers over Mingi’s still clothed chest.

“Yes please,” she agreed eagerly. “He’s so beautiful.”

“He is, isn’t he?” Yunho looked at the other boy, admiring the blush that spread over his cheeks and the tips of his ears at the compliments. Yunho’s hands reached around to the front of Mingi’s body. They found the fastenings on the front of his hoodie, working them open, making sure she could see his fingers as they did.

They watched her eyes glued to the screen of her phone. She was rapt in her attention. Yunho could feel the heat in her eyes as she watched them and he loved that feeling. He liked the control of focusing her attention with his movements. The expressions that flowed across her face as she followed his gestures gave him a burst of confidence.

Mingi could feel the touch of her gaze through the screen of the phone they had attached to the back of the front seat. When they had come up with the idea while they had a moment alone at Yunho’s place, Mingi had liked the idea of letting her see them, teasing her, while they did something since they hadn’t been able to invite her. Often he was on the other side. He so often got too impatient to tease either of them. It wasn’t really his fault, by the time he got them alone, he often felt like he had been waiting for them all day. By that point he just wanted them. He wanted to touch them, he wanted to taste them, to have them in his arms.

Yunho slipped the hoodie off Mingi’s shoulders taking his time and making a show of it. Underneath Mingi wore a black shirt with a wide neckline that showed off his collarbones and upper chest. After he threw the hoodie to the side, Yunho’s fingers went to the skin exposed there. His fingertips danced over the line of his collarbone and slid his shirt down off one shoulder. It was an irresistibly beautiful stretch of skin to them both. Yunho leaned forward and pressed a kiss there. He licked, kissed and nibbled a line from the tip of his shoulder and up his neck.

“Our Mingi is so handsome,” she sighed, looking at them through the screen as she turned onto her side.

“He’s beautiful,” Yunho observed. He nuzzled the skin below Mingi’s ear and left the ghost of a kiss.

“I want to see more of him,” she whispered to them. “Please.”

“Should I help him take off his shirt?” Yunho offered, his hands traveling down the front of Mingi’s chest and stomach.

“If it's not too cold,” she said after a moment’s thought.

“The car is nice and warm,” Yunho smiled. Of course she thought of that, of course that would cross her mind. His hands went to the hem of Mingi’s shirt and lifted it off over his head, baring the expanse of his white chest. Mingi shivered at the warmth in her gaze as her eyes took in the sight.

“You look so pretty, baby,” she cooed to him on the other side of the screen. “I wish I could show you how pretty you are to me.”

“Isn’t he so pretty to look at?” Yunho put his hands on Mingi’s ribs and let them trail down to his waist.

“What about you?” she pushed playfully, letting out a suppressed chuckle. “I want to see you, too.”

“You want to see me?” Yunho teased, ducking slightly further behind Mingi’s body. “Even when you have this to look at?” Yunho ran his hands down Mingi’s arms, making him shiver at the sensation.

“He’ll look even better in your arms,” she pointed out with a grin.

“Ahhh, I see,” Yunho nodded and pressed his lips together to try and stop the grin from spreading across his face. Mingi half turned in his seat to look back at the other boy. His eyes were bright and playful chocolate pools set in his glowing face. His blond hair had grown so that the fringe reached past his eyebrows now, allowing him to give them flirtatious glances through the curtain of his hair. Mingi brushed the hair out of his eyes and leaned over to kiss his temple on one side. He put one hand on Yunho’s shoulder, covered by the white knit cardigan he was wearing. His hand caressed down his arm as he moved his kisses down along his cheek until he was kissing the dip of the corner of his lips.

“Can I help you take it off?” Mingi offered, pressing his forehead against the side of his face. Yunho nodded. Mingi’s fingers went to the large wooden buttons and started to undo them. Yunho lifted his hands to hold Mingi’s as they slipped the buttons through the buttonholes. With all the buttons undone, Mingi parted the sides like he was drawing back curtains. Yunho shrugged off the cardigan and tossed it into the seat beside them. Mingi leaned down and licked one of Yunho’s exposed nipples, tasting it like it was a dollop of fallen dessert. Yunho sucked in a breath at the sensation.

“How does he taste, Mingi, my love?” She asked in a harsh whisper.

“As delicious as always,” Mingi gave her a wide grin. “Should...should I mark him so he remembers this?”

“Yes, over his heart,” she agreed, enjoying the idea. Mingi sunk down, finding a somewhat awkward position that brought his mouth more comfortably down to Yunho’s nipple level. He brushed his pillowy lips over the one nearest to him, giving it a soft suck and lick as it hardened under his touch. Moving closer to the center of his chest, just to the left, he pressed his lips against him, feeling the beat of his heart under them. Yunho brought his hand up to run his fingers through Mingi’s hair, caressing his scalp as he looked down at him.

Mingi closed his eyes and let his lips part, latching onto the skin under them. He breathed in the smell of Yunho’s skin, salty and musky. He sucked it enough to draw it into his mouth, allowing him nip lightly with his teeth. Yunho let out a light moan and his fingers tightened in Mingi’s hair, pulling it lightly.

She saw the look of pleasure bubble up on Yunho’s face, like a spring escaping through the fissure in a rock. It slipped out and spread across his body like a trickle. Mingi’s head moved as he sucked and worried Yunho’s skin until he was satisfied, letting it go with a pop and giving it a parting kiss.

“Let me see,” she asked, hiding the lower half of her face behind her hand. She could feel that a hot flush had developed on her face as she had watched them. Mingi sat up and leaned out of the way to let her see what he had done. He ran his fingers over it lightly, admiring the reddish mark he knew would mellow into purple soon enough.

“Now you’ll remember this,” Mingi said with satisfaction.

“As if I would forget any moment I have with you, with both of you,” Yunho scolded before he pulled Mingi into a hungry kiss. He let himself dive into the sensation and the taste of him, let the intoxication of passion fill him. She watched them silently, not wanting to break the haze of desire that was surrounding them. She loved seeing when they let go, when they lost the rest of the world in their love. She held her breath and watched as their mouths played and clashed. They were beautiful when they were with each other.

“Can I?” Yunho broke the kiss and brought his hands down to the waistband of Mingi’s jeans. Mingi nodded and leaned back a little to allow him to fumble at the button and zipper on his pants. Yunho unfastened them and slipped his fingers inside the waistband on his hips. He touched his skin there, enjoying the simple intrusion of touching the skin beneath. Mingi rocked forward, silently asking him to pull them down further, to take the next step.

“Impatient,” Yunho teased, unable to hide his smile as he spoke to Mingi.

“I’ve missed you,” Mingi whined. “When I...just by myself, it isn’t the same.”

“I know,” Yunho was sympathetic and couldn’t have agreed more. Taking pity on him, Yunho helped him to pull off his pants and underwear after they both cast a quick look around to make sure their spot had not been intruded upon by anyone. The snow cover of the city made it easier to spot anyone that might have made their way there against the bright backdrop of the snow. Assured they were still alone, they both stripped the last of their clothes off.

“Love, I know you can’t be here, can’t be with us but,” Yunho leaned close to the phone that connected them with her. “Will you touch yourself for us?” She nodded and set the phone down to strip herself naked as well. When she was finished she lay down on top of the covers and let the camera pan down her naked body.

“You look pretty,” Mingi complemented, looking intently at the screen. “Are you wet already?” She nodded, switching the phone to one hand and letting the other slip between her legs and gather a little on her fingertips. She brought them back up, letting them see the evidence of her wetness before she brought them to her lips and sucked them clean.

“Good,” Yunho palmed himself, slightly below the view of the camera, but the movement was clear. Mingi let his hand tease along the inside of his own leg, working closer to his erection but not yet touching it. Yunho dug into the little bag he had brought with him from home and pulled out the little tube of lube he had snuck out with him. He turned in his seat to lean against the car door and stretched his legs out over the back seat. Mingi straddled his thighs and looked down at Yunho’s deep brown eyes which looked up at him with such love.

Mingi leaned over putting his hands on the door beside Yunho’s shoulders, bringing his lips to the other boys. Their erections pressed together and Yunho wrapped them both with one of his large hands. He played with them both as they fell into a deep kiss. Mingi rutted into his hand as he used his own to hold Yunho’s face, angling it just right to fit with his.

“Here, come a little forward,” Yunho coaxed Mingi’s hips until he was straddling higher, near his waist. His hands caressed along his lower back and the curve of his butt. “Is it okay if I start getting you ready for me?”

“Please,” Mingi nodded, arching his back a little to make it easier for him to reach. Yunho put a little lube on his fingers. He slipped his fingers between his cheeks to the small, puckered hole and began making slow circles. Mingi slowly relaxed under his touch, letting out a breathy sigh at the feel of his fingers.

“Does it feel good?” Yunho asked in the quiet of the car.

“Yeah,” Mingi let out a huffing whine. “Faster, I want you in me.”

“Patience, love,” Yunho soothed. “I want it to feel good.”

“It does, it always does,” Mingi insisted.

“Kiss me,” Yunho suggested. “Show our girl how much you want it.” Mingi leaned forward and brought his lips to Yunho’s, licking and nibbling at them eagerly. He moved in time with the sweep of Yunho’s fingers, mirroring them in his eagerness. Yunho slowly worked in one finger and then two, slowly opening him. Mingi protested against his lips when he removed his fingers.

“Shhhh, you’re finally getting your wish,” Yunho chuckled at his pout. He reached for the lube again and spread it on himself, wiping a little of the excess on Mingi before cleaning his hands on the little towel he had thought ahead to bring as well. He positioned himself at Mingi’s entrance and let the other boy sink down his length as fast as he felt comfortable.

When Mingi had taken him completely, they both turned their attention to the screen to look at their girl. Her room was dim but they could still see her face looking at them in the dim light. She noticed their eyes on her and she flashed them a smile and blew them a kiss.

“You’ve been quiet, love, are you okay?” Yunho asked.

“I just heard someone in the hall so I have to be careful,” she whispered. “I think everyone is finally going to bed.”

Mingi let out a moan and felt himself flutter around Yunho inside him. He wanted to move but he wanted to be sure she was with them, that she was there and enjoying this as much they were. He rocked slightly and managed to ask. “Are you still with us?”

“I’m here,” she assured him. “I want to see you. Please.”

“Can you ride me?” Yunho asked, running his palms up Mingi’s strong thighs. Mingi nodded, moving slowly at first, the friction giving him slow waves of pleasure as he did. Yunho let him set a steady pace before bringing one of his hands to Mingi’s hard length where it jutted between them. He matched the movements of his hand to Mingi’s rhythm. Mingi let himself go and started moving faster, hunching forward to avoid hitting his head as he moved.

“So good,” Yunho praised, caressing Mingi’s waist as he stroked him. “You feel so good around me.”

“Fuck,” Mingi panted as he looked down at the other boy. “I’m not gonna last like this.”

“I want you to come on me,” Yunho encouraged, his breathing tense. “Make a mess for me.”

“Keep going,” Mingi entreated, closing his eyes and letting himself focus on the pleasure Yunho’s body was giving him. He let all of the stress of being home, the stress of missing them, the stress of having to stand alone against a relentless barrage of criticism and dismissal melt away. He let the love Yunho gave with his body fill him. He heard Yunho’s breaths growing harsher and more ragged as her faint, suppressed moans traveled through the phone to him. He opened his eyes to see the face that matched those sounds, his eyes going to the small screen hanging off the back of the front seat. Her face was soft and pink as she watched, her lips parted as she panted quietly.

“Are you close, too?” He asked her.

“Yeah,” She whispered back. “But I want to see you cum...and I want to see Yunho fill you. I want to hear you both.”

“Come for her, love,” Yunho urged, his fingers digging into Mingi’s hips as he felt his own pleasure building. “Just let go.” He sped up the movement of his hand and watched Mingi’s face take on a slack look he so often slipped into just before he reached his orgasm. Mingi’s rhythm faltered slightly as sensations bubbled up inside him. Everything felt good. His skin tingled and he could feel the coolness of the air clinging to him as a fine sheen of sweat started to to cover him.

“I’m gonna cum,” he panted, grounding himself down on Yunho and let him continue to work his hand on him in the last few seconds before his orgasm washed over him. Yunho’s hand continued to stroke him as thick ropes of cum spurted out across Yunho’s chest. Mingi panted and his cock twitched, letting the pleasure subsume him like a wave.

“You look so pretty like that,” Yunho praised him as he finally let go of his spent length, his hands moving to hold his hips now. “Lean forward just a little, love.” Mingi nodded, leaning on his hands where he rested them on either side of Yunho’s head. A weakness suffused his limbs, but he held himself as Yunho thrust up into him, chasing his own pleasure now. Mingi’s eyes returned to the screen at the sound of her panting as it joined Yunho’s in the quiet of the car. Her gaze was hooded and her eyes hazy as she watched them.

“Is our girl close, too?” Yunho asked, not taking his eyes from where his body moved in and out of Mingi.

“Yes,” Mingi replied breathlessly. “She’s so pretty like that.”

“Our girl is beautiful when she cums,” Yunho panted. “And it’s for us; only for us.” He heard as she gave a faint strangled noise then lapsed into just heavy breathing. Yunho tore his gaze away from Mingi and looked at her. Only her face was on the screen, focusing on the blissful expression she wore, eyes closed and her jaw clenched.

Yunho pulled Mingi down on him harshly as his own orgasm hit him suddenly. He had been so focused on them, on making sure this lasted enough to be good for both of them, that he had pushed his pleasure to the side. When it finally burst over it, it was like the breaking of a dam as a single crack finally caused it to fail. Blinding white filled his vision and a tingling rippled out over his skin with an almost painful intensity.

Mingi watched as Yunho came beneath him. He looked almost surprised as it overtook him and he squeezed his eyes shut. If he hadn’t known any better, Mingi might have thought he was in pain as the other boy released himself in his body. Yunho’s hands gripped his hips almost painfully and Mingi was sure he would have bruises from it. He didn’t mind, in fact he would be glad to see them over the coming days when he had no choice but to be alone with his parents. When he saw them or felt them, they would remind him of this, of the people who loved him for himself; of their shared generosity of everything that made them who they were.

When they had all taken a moment to recover, they said their good nights and hung up, leaving Mingi and Yunho in the car to clean up. They were careful to leave no traces on the car or themselves and Yunho hid the tube and towel under the seat before redressing. Mingi pulled his own clothes on, focusing on that to avoid thinking about how soon he would be alone again.

“We’ll hang out again before the holiday is over,” Yunho promised, caressing Mingi’s cheek when he saw the sad look he couldn’t keep from his face.

“Of course,” Mingi looked at him and forced himself to smile.

“No, I mean it,” Yunho took Mingi by the chin and made him look him in the eyes. “I won’t leave you alone there very long. And even when I’m not there, when we aren’t there, we’re here,” he put his other hand over Mingi’s heart. “And we aren’t that far. If you need me, just call. I’ll always pick up and if I need to come get you, I will always come.”

“I love you,” Mingi held the wrist of the hand on his chest. “Knowing that you love me too, makes it survivable.”

“New Year’s isn’t really important to my mom, not like Christmas is anyways,” Yunho began. “Maybe we can spend it with San and our girl at her parents.”

“Lucky San getting to spend the whole holiday there,” Mingi sighed.

“Yeah,” Yunho gave him a laugh and a smile. “I can’t really envy him too much, but then again, I still have my mom at least and I am sure he would happily trade being there for having his family again.”

“Yeah,” Mingi agreed, San might be lucky to have been accepted into the arms of her loving family, but no generosity of spirit on the part of her family could erase the sadness of the rejection of his father after the loss of his mother. Yunho pulled Mingi into a hug, warm and reassuring, just holding him.

“Ready to go home?” Yunho asked him after a moment.

“I’m ready,” Mingi nodded and pulled back. They both got out and moved to the front seat, letting silence settle on them as they pulled out of their secluded refuge to return to the real world. It won’t have to be for very long, Yunho promised himself, hoping that Mingi could feel the promise he couldn’t bring himself to voice.

Masterlist

[panharmonium]

okay.  

i realize this might be a kind of a weird thing for me to devote time to when i’m one episode from the end but honestly?  i just have to.  i have to.  i have a longer piece of meta in this vein that i’ll deal with some other time when i’m less focused on the end of season 5, but given the content of the last couple episodes i just - cannot restrain myself.  the stunning level of deliberate, unnecessary cruelty i witnessed in that one moment yesterday (guess i was WRONG omg i STILL can’t believe i heard that with my own two ears...i probably have the lowest expectations of arthur pendragon out of anybody in this fandom but even i was shocked) - it tipped me right over the edge.  it threw me for an entire loop.  

so, what i have to do right now is take a second to acknowledge the one character who a) predicted this bullshit a long time ago, and b) could have been relied upon to react to it appropriately, that is to say by punching arthur pendragon in the mouth.

fig. A: my Son, ‘I Would Sell Arthur Pendragon to Satan for One Corn Chip’ 

i love him.  

i know we only saw him once.  i don’t care.  he’s the only non-villain across five entire seasons of this show who ever told arthur pendragon to get fucked, and that makes him an absolute hero.

this kid snuck up on me and became my most beloved minor character.  when i first met him, i liked him a normal amount, but i wasn’t as deeply invested in him as i am now.  it wasn’t until i got a little further along in the show and started to see how truly painful merlin’s situation becomes without a friend who knows him that i started thinking about him again, and realized how much i actually appreciated him.

so.  will.

will occupies a...fairly unique position in merlin’s circle.  all of merlin’s other friends eventually become knights, or become queen, and they all hop aboard the arthur pendragon train as they get deeper entwined in camelot’s renaissance.  even gwaine, who is a little iffy about arthur in the very beginning, becomes as loyal a knight as camelot has ever seen, and he’s just as invested in camelot’s flourishing as anyone.  and i don’t say this to throw shade at him, or at lancelot, or anybody; those two in particular have absolutely always been true friends to merlin, regardless of the vows they took to camelot.  but there is just something to be said for like - merlin does not have a single person in his life right now who cares about him without also being beholden to arthur.  gwen and gaius and all of the knights are sworn to serve and protect the king.  they are all fully aboard the arthur pendragon train, and on board with merlin’s mission to aid arthur and keep him safe.  gwen, gwaine, gaius, lancelot - even merlin’s own mother is on that train, when she tells merlin he has to go back to camelot at the end of 1.10, saying “you belong at arthur’s side.  i’ve seen how much he needs you.”  

these people would not argue with merlin over the merits of sacrificing things for arthur, because they, too, would do anything for their king.  they wouldn’t necessarily challenge merlin on statements like “his life is worth a hundred of mine,” because they understand what merlin means.  they’re on that same page.  

and that’s nice and all, but given recent events (and forthcoming events, i suspect) i suppose i just am feeling.  a little tired of that.  

i’m tired of the arthur pendragon train.  i want to get off.  i want MERLIN to get off.  and the only other person in the world who ever believed that merlin deserved to get off the arthur pendragon train was will.

all the most recent episodes i’m watching are highlighting for me once again how little merlin settles for in his life.  he can’t be known.  he can’t be seen.  he can’t be accepted.  he can’t be listened to.  he can’t be believed.  he can’t be respected.  he can’t be safe.  he can’t be loved.  he can’t say ‘i am sorry that i can’t go with you to this place’ (for the first time in HOW many years?) without receiving a deliberately nasty, cutting slap across the face.

and we try to rationalize this away; we try to look at the good parts (and yes, there are good parts, of course there are good parts; of course arthur and merlin care about each other) but the ultimate truth is that arthur isn’t merlin’s real friend, not yet.  he thinks he is.  but he isn’t.  a real friend isn’t someone who might kill you if they knew who you were.  a real friend isn’t someone who makes you feel like you have to pretend to be someone you’re not.  

you cannot be loved if you aren’t safe. 

the only person who ever acknowledges this dynamic is will.  will sees the parts of arthur that merlin tries not to look at, and will loves merlin enough to say ‘this situation you are in is messed up.’  he’s the only one, across five seasons of this show, who ever comes right out and says that merlin is fooling himself when it comes to this ‘friendship.’  merlin might have other people who care about him, later, but all of them are as wrapped up in arthur’s well-being as merlin is.  they don’t tell merlin he deserves better.  they don’t tell merlin ‘this is shitty.  this is a shitty situation you’re settling for.  you deserve more than this.’

five seasons, and will is the only person who ever says this.  merlin’s own mother won’t tell him this.

i’ve been thinking about will kind of a lot as i watch these episodes.  

i think...i think will would lose his mind if he could see merlin at the end of this show.  at ANY point in this show, practically.  he would be so devastatingly angry.  if he ever heard “his life is worth a hundred of mine” come out of merlin’s mouth - i mean.  he’d kill somebody.  he'd thump merlin upside the head and then go kill somebody.

will was only ever in this for merlin.  he didn’t save arthur’s life because he’d started to like the guy; he did it because that’s just who he is.  he saw someone about to get shot and his first instinct was to get in the way.  he’s not riding the arthur pendragon train, and he’s certainly not riding the camelot train, but he still makes sure merlin can go safely back to the citadel, because for some unfathomable reason, merlin seems to feel that it’s important.

because - and this is so important here - will doesn’t even know anything about merlin’s ‘destiny.’  they didn’t have time to talk about dragons or destinies or any of that.  all will knows is that it’s important to merlin, for whatever reason, and that’s enough to make it important to will.  even though he doesn’t understand it.  even though he doesn’t agree with it.  even though he personally thinks arthur’s a loser.  he does what he does so that merlin can have what he wants, so that merlin can be safe and happy in the city of his choice.

SAFE and HAPPY.  and merlin isn’t either of those things.  merlin has never been less safe than he is now.  and merlin hasn’t been happy for a very long time.

will would be rolling over in his grave if he could see merlin now.  he would have fought against the sort of...slow self-immolation we see merlin surrendering himself to here every step of the way.  will told a prince to fuck off in front of the entire population of ealdor; he wouldn’t have any qualms about telling ‘destiny’ to get stuffed, either.  and i find myself missing that single-minded devotion, that uncompromising affirmation of merlin’s intrinsic worth, as opposed to merlin’s importance as a prophesied figure out of myth, as the skies darken over merlin’s head and i see him getting ready to (i think) do something that would send will into an absolute rage.  

none of merlin’s friends or family have ever wanted him to suffer, but will was the only one who saw where this was going, a long, long time ago.  he knew from the beginning that it wasn’t right.  and like...people can complain about him refusing to jump on board the arthur+merlin ship all they want, but the reason he doesn’t get on that boat is because he’s always been captain and sole passenger of the HMS Merlin, and he is the only one who has ever understood that these two boats, with the way the world works right now, just can’t sail together.  so much would have to change first.

so like...i miss this kid.  i really do.  and i think merlin misses him, too, but not in a way that he can afford to let himself think about.  how can a person in merlin’s position afford to remember someone who always thought that merlin’s happiness and safety were more important than anything, when merlin has, by necessity, spent all these years forcing himself to finally accept that his own happiness and safety will always have to be his last priority?  how can he handle being reminded of a time when someone unconditionally believed that merlin deserved to live in this world and be happy, not because of what merlin could do or what great purpose he would serve, but simply because he is.  just because he exists.  because he’s enough as he is.  he matters just as he is.  he deserves to be safe and happy just because he is, not because of what he can do for his majesty the prince.

i don’t think someone in merlin’s position can afford to think like that, especially now.  i think it’s like - when you’re overwhelmed or stressed or upset and you’re holding it together but then somebody does one simple nice thing for you or gives you a hug and that’s when you lose it and start bawling - it feels like that.  i don’t think merlin could handle being gentled in that way.  i think it would be similar to when gwaine tells him “not arthur” - that inability to conceive of somebody who only cares about him, who puts him first.  i think if merlin allowed himself to remember that there was in fact a time in his life when he was someone’s first priority, if he remembered what that felt like - he would crack right down the middle.  

i think if someone were to really remind him of what he deserves from this life, to remind him of what he used to hope he would one day have, he would never be able to do what he thinks he needs to do.

anyway.  

the point of all this is just that as i enter the very end of this show and see merlin still - still - being deliberately gutted by someone who is supposed to love him, someone for whom merlin has been totally willing to give up his life a hundred times over, despite never being recognized and never being accepted and never being free - it is making me appreciate even more keenly the very few people in merlin’s life who chose not to treat him that way.  the very, very few people who knew him and loved him just the way he was.  and in particular it makes me appreciate will, who never had eyes for anybody but merlin, and who, uniquely among merlin’s friends, could not care less about arthur pendragon if you paid him.

after the last episode, i’m just really feeling his energy.  

[emdythewriter]

a new light | chapter fourteen (Elriel)

Elain woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee and what could only be homemade waffles. Stretching herself out she threw herself out of bed and headed for the kitchen. The kitchen she now officially owned with Azriel.

After they had unpacked some last night once their friends and her sisters had left Az had gone down to turn in the papers he had previously signed. Technically he was supposed to sign them this morning but he hadn’t wanted to wait so he went down to their landlord after they moved all of Elain’s stuff into his place.

Heading down the hallway that leads to their now shared bedroom Elain finds Az holding a bowl of batter that he’s pouring into the griddle. Smiling at her boyfriend she leans against the wall, arms folded and relaxed. It’s hard to believe that just within a week their lives have taken a complete turn for the better.

There was a time when Elain believed she would never get to feel this happiness with her best friend let alone anyone else. Yet here she stands watching Azriel as he makes them breakfast and there’s no doubt in her mind that he’s as much hers as she is his.

“You just want to stare at me all morning?” Azriel askss, smirking at her as he closes the waffle maker and let’s it cook. “I mean I don’t blame I’m a very attractive view.”

“And a very cocky one as well it seems,” Elain responds with a smile that Az returns. Pushing off the wall she makes her way around the counter and to his side where he tucks her in under his arm.

“How was your first night in our apartment?” Azriel asks as he plays with a strand of her messy hair.

“Very restful,” Elain responds, her fingers trailing the band of his grey sweatpants.

“I see you’ve also found my side of the closet,” Az says as he tugs on the shirt Elain had pulled on in the middle of the night when she got up to use the bathroom. It’s one of her favorites he notices as well. Most of his closet is made up of dark and plain t-shirts but this is one of the few graphic shirts he owns. It’s also the one Elain had talked him into buying when they went to a music festival last summer with a few friends.

“Well it is our closet,” Elain smirks, looking up at him with her innocent little face.

“So does that mean I can wear your dresses?” Azriel asks, teasing her. Elain laughs, still smiling up at him. The look fills him with warmth and happiness, something he hasn’t felt since before his mom passed.

“If you really want to,” Elain says just before the timer dings. She moves to the other side of the island as Az takes the waffle out and sets it on a plate. He pushes the plate in front of her along with the syrup, a fork, and a glass of fruit punch because it’s the only type of juice she will drink.

With a smile Elain starts cutting up her waffle as Azriel pours more batter to make his own. Once it’s done he sits next to his girlfriend and they enjoy a peaceful breakfast together. Elain cleans up breakfast once the waffles are consumed and Az goes to get dressed.

They’re planning on having dinner with some friends tonight but until then they have the day to themselves. Azriel pulls up the website for the local drive-in theater to see what they might be showing this afternoon.

Turns out today is a flashback theater today where there’s a showing of Gone with the Wind, which Elain hates. Then there’s The Wizard of Oz which is a favorite of his, and lastly Dirty Dancing.

“Feel like going to the drive-in theater for a showing of The Wizard of Oz?” Azriel asks, taking a seat on a barstool and watching his girlfriend in the kitchen. He can’t get enough of calling her that even if it’s only in his head.

“That sounds like fun,” Elain says as she hangs the towel she used to dry her hands once again. “You grab snacks and drinks while I go get dressed.”

“Deal,” Azriel says. With a bright smile on her face Elain runs off into their bedroom while Az grabs a couple of bags for snacks and drinks. Starting with the cooler bag he grabs some water and a few of the lemonade flavored sparkling waters that he knows Elain loves. He also adds some fruit from the fridge and an energy drink or two for himself.

Zipping that bag up Azriel heads for the small pantry in the corner of the kitchen. He tends to keep the pantry fairly stocked with a variety of snacks considering how Cassian is always radding his food supply. There’s a few snack sized caramel corn popcorn bags which Az grabs because how could they go to a movie without popcorn.

There’s also sour gummy worms that he adds to the bag. It’s a big bag but Azriel always finds himself craving the candy in the middle of the night. Lastly, he adds a couple big bags of unopened chips from a party he had gone to a couple weeks ago.

“Got everything?” Elain asks, walking out of the bedroom in one of her many sundresses. This one is yellow and white in a plaid pattern, which is her second favorite right after floral. She’s pulling her hair back into a ponytail as she walks back into the kitchen.

“Yeah, ready?” Azriel asks, shouldering both the bags onto his shoulders. Elain smiles with a nod before heading to the small entrance hall where a pair of brown sandals wait for her to slip on her feet. Elain then grabs her purse off the hook Az had installed on the back of the front door.

Opening the door they head out and down to the parking garage where they decide to take Azriel’s truck, having more room for them to lay out the blankets and pillows they had grabbed from Elain’s car beforehand.

It’s quiet for a bit as Azriel drives. The theater is on the outskirts of the city in the more rural area of Velaris. It’s a place he knows Elain is very familiar with as she gets antsy when she’s in the city too long.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Elain says, breaking the silence. Az turns down the music he had put on so he can hear her better. “Since I know longer have to pay full rent and with the bonus I’m expecting soon it might be time to start my business.”

“Really?” Az asked, a little surprised. Elain had been saying that she wanted to wait another year before looking into renting out a space in downtown Velaris for her floral arrangements shop. “You don’t want to wait any longer?”

“Some events have taken place recently in my life that are causing me to rethink things,” Elain says, smiling over at him. He knows she’s talking about their recent relationship status. “I don’t want to wait any longer and I plan on starting small.”

“What do you mean?” Azriel asked. He’s smiling, feeling the joy and happiness along with her at finally being able to kickstart her dream.

“I’ll start as an assistant with a local floral shop in order to learn everything else I don’t already know,” Elain says. “The owner wants to help me so she’ll help create my website and even let me start independent orders as I learn.”

“That sounds amazing,” Azriel says, taking the exit ramp that’ll lead to the drive-in theater. “What about after that?”

“Well I’m thinking I’ll do this through the winter and look for my own space to rent and hopefully by spring I’ll be set up in said space and ready for the summer season,” Elain explains.

“Also known as wedding season,” Elain smiles at him, loving that he knows that little tidbit.

“It’ll be the perfect time to start,” she says.

“Well I can’t wait to watch you succeed.” They’re both smiling as Azriel pulls into the drive-in and pays for the movie. Pulling into the lot where the movie is set up he finds a space right in the center of the lot.

Elain sets up the bed of his truck with the pillows and blankets while he unpacks the snacks and drinks. Settling down together Az kisses the top of her head as he tucks her into his side.

The movie starts and Elain’s focus is on the black and white opening scene while Az watches her intently. A part of him still doesn’t believe that she is his and yet here they are finally in each other’s arms. And all he can think is that he can’t wait for more moments like this throughout the rest of his life.

Tag list:

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[jarofrebuke-transcripts]

Jar of Rebuke Episode 1 Unofficial Transcript

Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

INTRO

The following audio recording is classified documentation for Case [audio distortion] with the Enclosure. Unauthorized access to this information will lead to immediate intervention. Progress further if proper clearance has been given.

JARED

Dr. Daman has suggested that I start an audio journal of some kind, something outside of my therapy sessions to help me track my progress or whatever. Considering I don't have much of anything that's mine anymore, she suggested that this might actually be a good way to reclaim some of my individuality. Maybe talking about what I do know of myself might help me remember more. So I guess I'll start with what I know. My name is Dr. Jared Hel. I'm a field researcher for the Enclosure. I specialize in studying the particularly dangerous creatures around here. For some reason, no matter their effect on others, nothing is permanent on me. Gods, the amount of times I've died this last year is probably more than I should ever care to admit. I guess it's a blessing in disguise though, it's job security, for one thing. A scientist who can't die no matter how dangerous the entity he's studying? I think I'm set. Sure, I may bounce back from death with a few more scars but they're relatively healed up and I'm rarely ever in much pain when I wake up. Though, to be fair, if the Enclosure just left these creatures alone I’m sure this wouldn't even be an issue in the first place, but no... they just gotta meddle.

I started working at the enclosure, what, two years ago? Though I've really only been on the field for less than a year. Apparently, I worked at a different research site for some other organization before that but I don't really remember anything from before two years ago. I supposedly transferred here to research a particularly dangerous subject, the one that... um... well the one that killed my team. And me, I guess. The most frustrating thing is the lack of remembering- I don't remember any of their names, their faces, nothing. I had to relearn absolutely everything and no matter what I relearn I never remember. It's so infuriating knowing that there's a whole childhood and more that I have yet to recollect anything from. I feel so left out of reminiscent conversations, you know? Well of course you know, I'm practically talking to myself here. All I know of myself before the incident is what was on my work file- top of my class graduate from IU, but I don't remember a damn thing about my time there. Apparently there's a lot of fields around there, though I guess that's not too different from the towns around here. Born and raised in those corn fields, according to my records. No documented family to speak of. But from what other folks in the lab have shared about their families- maybe I’m not missing out on too much.

When asked about getting in touch with the folks from the other facility that I worked at they didn't seem to think that it would be too helpful. Hell, how would they even know who to put me in touch with? Wasn't like they would have documented my friends or anything. So again, nothing. Story of my damn life. And of course there's Todd. Oh I’m sorry, Dr Todd Carmen. He's currently head of operations at the enclosure. He's, uh, I'll say he's a character. Not as unique as he thinks he is but certainly not boring, but just because something isn't boring doesn't mean that it's entertaining. He has a fashion sense that I would have never personally considered wearing, but um that shade of orange with his pale complexion? Simply bold choices in my opinion. But I'm sure he'll get himself sorted out someday. Besides all that though I guess it's not too bad. Job security with benefits- apparently a lot of jobs don't offer health insurance. Though with our line of work it's kind of necessary, to keep us alive.

Uh, what else do I know? The Enclosure is an organization based out in the middle of absolute nowhere that researches the various anomalies, but really only bothers with the particularly dangerous ones. Like, really dangerous ones. I mean bigfoot, mothman, that sort of stuff they really just leave to their own devices for the most part. Sure they hurt and even I guess sometimes kill people, but not a lot of people, and enough people already know about those things to not really hide them away now. Wichton is like two hours from any other town. It's guised as a farming town. Uh well no, it is a farming town but the enclosure has taken it as its guise. Most of the facilities are underground, deep underground. They paid off all the townsfolk back when they were building to not ask questions. And considering they built it during a massive economic depression, no one asked questions, the townsfolk took the money. But there's still some circulating rumors about us to this day, of course. As long as we keep the particularly dangerous creepy crawlies underground with us they've got no reason to worry too much. Sure, sometimes things sneak out and make weird noises in the fields at night but country folk are superstitious folk, and if nothing else it's what these people have known all their lives. Suspicious lights, weird noises and mutated deer don't even faze these people. The Enclosure picks its battles when it decides what to tackle, that's for damn sure. Not like they're an international brand or anything, they only have the resources to stick to these neck of the woods, and with all the anomalies in these parts, not really surprised that they settled here. Been here for nearly 100 years and have very little idea why it's such a supernaturally charged area. Some say it might be the fact that folks are so superstitious that it basically invites the energy here. But others think there's a reason, but it ain't my department to figure that out. The hardest part of the job is getting things into the facility. But sometimes the hot shots up top decide to just have us study those things from afar since taking them out of their established locations seems impossible. So many ladies in gray and white dresses all over the place, we can't exactly make a support group for them here or anything! Not when they're out busy haunting dunes or lakes or crying by the side of the road or whatever. Not really hurting anyone all that much, so they've mostly just been left alone. We keep tabs, but we also don't always interfere. Oh and being the sacrificial lamb is a bit annoying, but I bounce back quickly enough. Death has gotten less disorienting over time, but no less annoying.

What did I do today? Well... I had a shorter day, shift-wise, so I went in at like 6 a.m, then got out around one-ish. I was supposed to leave closer to noon but I ended up having to stop at Dr. Rahal’s office for a bit for my headaches. They've been getting worse and we don't really know why. At least they come and go in waves, so I get some peace at times. It's always nice to see Dr. Rahal though, he's been the nicest to me since I started at this place, from what I can remember at least. He's one of the Enclosure physicians who I've been seeing. From anything to work related injuries that aren't too severe to these headaches. I swear I've never met a guy in my life who can smile so genuinely and be so sincerely happy over just about anything. It'd honestly be annoying if it weren't so sincere and if he also weren't so genuinely nice. He's really trying to help with these headaches but medicine doesn't really ever help and the medical scans showed nothing that would indicate any issue. I mean, not that they let me see the medical scans. I guess I wouldn't understand them anyways, even if they did let me.

Dr. Rahal thinks that it's likely stress so that takes us back to therapy with Dr. Daman. Had a session after work, which was when she suggested that I really start this up. She's suggested it before but I kind of dismissed the idea until today. She made a very good point- what's the harm in doing it? I mean, it can't make the headaches worse and even if it doesn't help me remember anything, maybe getting things off my chest could help in some way. Therapy was uneventful, not like much happens in a week, just the usual work stuff mostly. Though I have started going out after work a bit more often, even if it's just to a local shop or to grab a bite to eat. Dr. Daman suggested a few months back that I socialize a bit more, and it's been kind of nice. Weird, but nice. I've mostly stuck to myself outside of work, honestly. Well, besides those community events that you're basically ostracized if you don't attend or you get bombarded with those calls of “where were you last night? We were so worried about you, are you okay?”, even if you don't remember giving them your number. I like to go to a restaurant in town called the Royal Cow, they make the best in-house ice cream. They built it to look like one of those red farm houses which matches most of the buildings in town, but their mint chocolate chip ice cream is basically the best ice cream I've ever had. They also make really, really good sugar cream pie. Get it when it's still fresh, it's a little warm, melts in the mouth. I mean it basically cures any hankering for a sweet tooth. So that's what I ordered- a fresh slice of sugar cream pie. But that was my dessert. They do also have some pretty good not-sweet foods. Their lunch menu is alright but their breakfast food is really where it's at. And they do that breakfast all day thing, so I got their breakfast platter which is really, really good food.

On my way home, I bumped into Darius. He's the son of some local farmers in town. His dads have an apple orchard, on top of everything else. The Enclosure actually keeps tabs on their farm, because no matter what his dad John plants, apples always grow. I mean no matter what John plants. He could plant pumpkin seeds in the fall but no apple trees are gonna spring up and I'll be damned if those aren't the best apples. I mean sometimes crab apples grow instead, he can't really control what kind of apples grow, but John has found a way to make crab apples into really good apple pies and ciders and stuff. I've heard they make good jams and jellies, but he perfected a crab apple pie. He said it's “just a lot of love” but I think there's something with those apple trees. But again, not my department to figure it out. Darius and I made small talk. The weather, mostly. So mostly just complaining about how it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't so humid or if we just had a nice breeze, but the shade does help. He always makes excuses to talk to me. I'm not complaining, but that does seem to be a thing around town is everyone makes excuses to talk to everybody. Like the one time that Holly stopped me in the middle of the road to chat when we were passing each other. It's a community norm, I guess, but Darius always wants to talk again. I'm not complaining, he's a really nice conversational partner we can chat about just about anything with certain obvious restrictions. He knows I work at the Enclosure, but folks in town seem to think it's some hoity-toity but shady government job. I don't really think we're tied to the government, per se, but whatever lie they've told the towns is just what I stick with. Whether or not they believe that is entirely another story. He knows I'm a scientist, but he thinks i'm more of an environmental natural scientist instead of a supernatural scientist. I guess whether or not he believes that is an entirely other story too, but we don't really talk about work much. On my end I don't bring it up and while he does talk about working on the family farm from time to time, especially because they expect for him to take over, he tries to find other things to talk about. He's gone back to school recently. They recently in town set up a sort of trade school, I guess, where if anyone's considered a master in town they can teach classes to teach other people in whatever skills they have to share. Seems Darius is taking a bit of a Home Ec class, I guess, sewing and cooking and things like that. He said that he's great with his hands in the field but he really wants to round out his hand skills. He then awkwardly chuckled after that but I don't understand why. I mean it's completely respectable to want to be able to stitch up your own clothes or actually have a nice dinner besides the reheated leftovers left on your doorstep or to know what to do when your microwave catches fire. Honestly, I don't really know what all they teach in those classes. I'd never even heard of something like a Home Ec class until Darius told me about it. I wonder if I ever took one. If i wasn't so busy with work I would actually look into taking classes. I like to learn and Darius even said that he'd be more than happy to help me with anything if I needed it which is nice. But I'm a really fast learner. I actually get bored a lot because of it. I don't see why anyone would need five months or years of training or educating. No, I can see why. I also just know that I am the anomaly. When I forgot everything and had to relearn how to read I was at a 10th grade reading level. By what, just a few weeks? And then I was at college level again in a matter of a month. But even though I was relearning stuff quick I never remembered anything. I never remembered books I've read before the incident, I never remembered learning how to read the first time, I just was quickly relearning how to read. I don't even know if you would consider remembering how to read. I mean I'm never remembering anything. I don't even remember the creature that I was working with in the incident. And no one will tell me anything, because they said they want me to remember organically, or something like that. They said they feared something like a trauma, whiplash? I really don't understand it and it just pisses me off more than anything. But Dr. Daman won't budge. No one will let me look over any files of the incident or files on the other lab techs who died. They slapped this key around my neck and said, “here, to keep your brain in check. Oh, you literally remember nothing? Well tough luck, see this therapist and see what happens!” Ugh. They said if it weren't for my weird powers then the incident would have killed me too. They said they don't know why I have this ability to rebound from death like it nearly never happened but they sure are willing to use my ability for work.

Right, the key. Uh, when I woke up the first thing the doctors did was have me wear it around my neck. It’s on some sort of sturdy red cord. I've never taken the thing off in years. You would think that it may have faded a bit or that the cord would have worn, but no. Cord is still sturdy and the key is just as shiny as the day they gave it to me, which isn't that shiny, it was a bit tarnished already, but hasn't gotten any more tarnished. It's supposed to keep my brain in check after the effects of, well, the incident. Dr. Daman says that if I take it off, I risk unlearning absolutely everything that I've learned in the last two years. I don't know why the key is supposed to be the thing that does this, but this is the only time that death has ever made me lose everything, so I figured what's the harm in wearing it. Not like it hurts to wear or anything.

Darius has asked me about it before though. Not when we first met or anything but after multiple times of running into each other he finally asked. I get asked about it a lot but I just say that it's a familial trinket and they tend to just leave it be. But darius had asked after we'd shared a few drinks at a local bar and even though I have a bit of a high tolerance for alcohol and never stay drunk long, he seemed to ask at just the right moment for me to open up a bit more, I guess. I said it's a comfort item, which I guess isn't exactly the whole truth, I actually honestly hate this thing. A constant reminder of all the things that I've forgotten. But I guess there's slight comfort and knowing that because of this key everything that I've relearned will stick. They say it's important to understand all that you don't know, but I know all too well that I've got at least 20 years of things that I don't remember. But hey, with this key I guess i can rebuild that. I must have seemed uncomfortable about this question where he was satisfied with that answer because Darius let it go after that, but I catch him staring at it sometimes. He's asked what I know about skeleton keys, and all things considered I didn't know much, at least didn't remember. He told me that his dads both told him about the powers that keys hold, not just to lock things but even more importantly to unlock them. That a skeleton key could lock or unlock any door to a given building, no matter what other keys people had, commonly used by cleaners and inn owners and stuff like that. He really seems fixated on the idea and I guess the symbolism is a bit striking with my current situation considering... whatever. The less he knows the better. It would be nice to talk to someone outside of the enclosure about more personal stuff from time to time but I can't go around spilling secrets.

Right, my day. Uh, lunch, talked with Darius, uh... after about 15 minutes of “all right I should get going”-s and taking a few steps apart, starting to have talked about other topics and repeating the process, I finally started home. On my way home I drove past some corn fields and various other pastures. The Enclosure gave me a house near the edge of town because after a year of rigorous relearning I didn't want to live in their communal housing anymore. It's not too far from Darius's family orchard and farm which is nice. Nicest farm in the area, in my opinion. There's no real rivalry between the farmers, at least nothing too intense. But something about those trees in the distance out of my window is really relaxing. All the cattle I passed on my way home had moved to face the same direction near the fences and stared into the distance mindlessly grazing. That and the clouds rolling in were very strong indicators that there was going to be a heck of a storm tonight. I didn't listen to the weather announcement this morning but the sky's only gotten darker now so i'm ready to sleep like the dead tonight. But when I was pulling into my driveway I saw something rustling in the bushes by my front door. I thought maybe it was a squirrel or a rabbit or something but then two tiny hands parted the leaves and I saw one of those black-eyed children just sitting there staring at me. I normally only see them at night. I guess it was waiting for me to come home to loiter on my doorsteps or something, I don't know. When I got out of the car I was surprised when it actually climbed out of the bush and just rigidly stared at me with those lifeless black eyes. I got my stuff out of my car and made my way to the door, but it was kind of standing in the way. I just slid on by it with a muttered apology and slipped inside before I could start whispering requests for entrance. Never making that mistake again. No matter how much I want to let them in my house got all sorts of messed up last time and I got a heck of a scolding at work when they found out. I don't shoo them away, but I don't let them in anymore. It was really weird, they normally only come knocking or waiting by the sides of the road at night, I had never seen one in the middle of the afternoon. Once I got settled in I pulled out a book, a crossword book I was gifted at the last community bonfire. I blow through these things really fast but I really like them, so Christine gave me like five of them, all different, claimed that she found the most difficult ones that she could find, which is really sweet. She even wrote little notes on the inside cover of each of them so I've ended up actually keeping them when i'm done so I can reread her notes when I need a little pick-me-up. Whether a crossword book or a little box of treats she always writes uplifting notes and anecdotes inside any gifts she gives anyone, all signed with the most beautiful cursive- “with love, Christine Torres”. She really mothers everyone in town, at least that's what I've noticed. This one is a real toughy, which I like. That's mostly what I've been up to since I got home. I decided that I'd take a break from doing, well, this. Dr. Daman was adamant about me giving it a shot so here we are. Me, myself and I. Oh sorry, hold on, work email. (Whispered: who am i even apologizing to?) Well now, wait a minute. A new lab partner? Dr. Gia Castillo. Why the hell did they give me a new lab partner? I guess I'm meeting her in the morning. I hate it when Todd pulls this, but I’ve got no say in the matter. The usual. But I hate sudden change.

I'm tired, I'm reheating some food Mrs. Weddington gave me and going to bed. I can hear the thunder starting to get louder and that kid outside tapping on my door so I guess I should try and get some sleep. Guess I'll talk to you later? This is actually kind of nice, saying whatever I want without worries. (little laugh) I'm already dreading tomorrow. Well this is Dr. Jared Hel, signing off, I guess.

[tapping sounds, and sounds of thunder, as we fade into the outro]

OUTRO

Jar of Rebuke is written and produced by Casper Oliver, who is also the voice of Dr Jared Hel. The intro is read by Vanessa Rosengrant, and credits are read by Ashley Craft, who has also created the podcast official graphics. Music was created by Luke Menniss, spelled m-e-n-n-i-s-s, who you can find and support on Bandcamp, Spotify and Twitch. Find us on Twitter, Instagram and anywhere else you get your podcast fix for more Jar of Rebuke and also to get updates on upcoming official merch for our show. Support projects by this crew on Patreon to further other queer-lead projects and get neat perks. All donations are appreciated and will grant further clearance to special Jar of Rebuke content. You can also make one-time donations on Ko-fi.

[bronsonthurman]

Don’t Underestimate Salad for a Quick, Amazing Meal

It’s summer time, reaching ninety degrees out, and no wants to cook. But some people will have chips for dinner because they are afraid of salad. Maybe they’re afraid they’ll go hungry. Maybe they’re still suspicious of vegetables. Maybe they’re afraid someone will think they’re, gasp, vegan. The horror!

Seriously, did we mention it’s hot out? We’re hot, we’re hungry, and we don’t want to spend afternoon at the lunch table when the beach is calling. We’re throwing together a salad because it’s good, it’s fast, it’s cold, and it’s now. Here’s a few reason why hungry people are missing out if they’re dismissing this humble but powerful meal.

An Easier Sandwich with Less Carbs

A sandwich is often held up as the epitome of a quick, handy, and complete meal. Honestly though, look at a sandwich: it’s just a salad with too much bread. Plus, you’re going to dirty a cutting board, a spreading knife, and a cutting board all before you even put your meal on the plate, probably more if you’re using proper cross-contamination prevention with meats and cheeses. Instead, just throw your ingredients in a big bowl, toss with a fork, and eat. What you say, you like bread? Us too--tear a piece up and throw it in after tossing, fork a piece before each bite. All the parts of a sandwich, with less dishes and a more reasonable serving of carbohydrates. Never forget to wash your hands properly when handling food--it’s harder to overlook when your ingredients are going straight from hand to plate.

No One Said You Can’t Have Carbs

If you’re used to a higher volume of calories, you might be concerned that a salad will soon leave you hangry again. If your experience with veggies is a side salad of iceberg lettuce, that’s understandable. But this is YOUR salad--go ahead and put something filling on it. One upside is you’re not limited to bread, the whole world of crunchy snacks is available. If you were going to eat them instead of a proper meal, you can instantly improve your meal by using them as a salad component. Many common corn or wheat based snacks are much healthier than you might expect, the main concern being less-friendly oils and a possible excess of salt--but check those ingredients, there is a world of difference between Fritos and Doritos, and some snacks are a garbage heap of fillers, sugar, and preservatives.

No One Said You Can’t Have Meat

Meat goes great on salad. Even better, a healthy portion of meat goes great on a salad--meat proportions in America are usually excessive for health or comfort. Keeping the meat modest helps keep you on your feet and on to your favorite activities, instead of sleeping your meal off on the couch.

Your favorite cold cuts will help you keep it easier-than-a-sandwich, or if you are a grill master, you’re in a great position to prepare and slice your favorite cut of beef or pork to properly refrigerate and add to salads over two to three days. The addition of chicken to a caesar is an obvious option, but don’t limit yourself. If you were planning to eat some wings, throw them on some lettuce. Seasoned wings will have all the flavor a few leaves in each bite need and picking up a wing in a bit of lettuce helps keep the seasoning in the bite and off your fingers.

I recall a sandwich customer offended that I would offer him “rabbit food” to go with his beef sandwich; it’s hard to understand how some imagine themselves to be “carnivores” as a diet, including myself as a young man in that category. You don’t want to know how real carnivores such as wolves or tigers get their balanced diet, but suffice to say, meat on the bone is not what they eat first. Trust me, you want your roughage in the form of fresh greens, not the way carnivores get it.

Salads Can Be Crunchy

We’re not just talking about lettuce here either, though greens do provide a nicely crisp bite. Those salty snacks we mentioned earlier bring crunch too. But that’s not all, there are a lot os suitable ingredient when you’re looking to add new textures to your salad. Some people like various cold beans. Corn kernels serve this role too, even outside of a traditional corn salad, though canned corn is not so appealing as freshly cooked. Just adding a cob is also nice, particularly with a unified butter-based dressing

If You’re Bold Enough for Hot Peppers, You'll Love Spicy Greens

If you’ve expressed a love for hot sauce, you should be eating watercress--it’s about the most nutritious thing you can eat, and it’s nicely spicy. This ingredient has somewhat disappeared into the tradition of the cress tea sandwich--don’t be fooled, this is a powerful staple food if you enjoy piquant foods Some paler varieties are less intense; the spiciest stuff announces this right up front if you give it a smell. Arugula-Rocket and mustard greens are also known

Dressings Are Indulgent Wonderland

It’s true some greens can have a bitter initial bite--luckily for us, we can sooth those flavors with dressing. If you’ve ever looked over a shelf of marinates in wonder, you’ve got a whole new world ahead of you. There’s probably a favorite you’ve discovered already, even if you were just trying to get through a salad that was forced on you. But don’t stop there! Where meat condiments tend to lean very heavily on tomato and soy, salad dressing is ahead of curve when it comes to foodie-innovation. Fruits are not as nutritious so much as they are relatively benign; a dressing can bring a little bit of fruit to the meal without replacing a lot of the nutritious content. Increasing variety has blown up the grip oil-vinegar-cream traditionally has had on selection with tahini, poppy seed, flavorful boutique vinegars, or other obvious ingredients back to the bottle. Just look at the ingredients. Sugar is becoming ever more ubiquitous and it can mute strong flavors, for better or worse. The key to a salad is balance--modest indulgence goes a long way to enhance a healthy meal.

Superfoods are Salad Foods

The Center for Disease Control has done an analysis of actual nutritional content per weight to focus attention on “powerhouse” foods, which it scores and publishes as a ranked list. High nutrition content is a crucial thing to consider, as contemporary agriculture has generally reduced nutrient density, making many traditionally nutritious foods less so.

Watercress sets the upper limit at 100 and every food scoring above 60 is a leafy green vegetable. Grapefruit defines the bottom of the CDC’s list with a score of 10. Kale and broccoli might surprise you by falling below 50, but all of the foods included are extremely healthy. Salad staples like spinach, romaine, scallion, cauliflower, carrot, tomato, lemon, strawberry, radish, orange, lime, turnip, and blackberry are all included. With the modest addition of carbohydrates and proteins it is extremely easy to make an extremely healthy salad.

Have the list handy in case your grandmother tells you these ingredients are all just empty calories and water. There are some very outdated notions of what is nutritious floating around.

Leaf Lettuce is Surprisingly Nutritious

One strike against salads is that healthy greens are associated with bitter flavor. Surprise, you throw basic lettuce in to dose your food with nutrients. Red leaf lettuce will be healthier, being more mature, but won’t last as long as green leaf. Romaine and even iceberg lettuce both also make the CDC’s list. So there is no problem finding nutritious greens even if you are looking to keep the flavor mild.

Some Tips for Greater Salad Success

Lettuces don’t keep particularly well--buy lettuce with the intent to eat it within the next three days, tops. If it’s much of a commute to the store you’ll probably want grocery day to start the salad part of your week, then switch to more durable foods in the days leading up to the next shopping. If you do enjoy bitter greens, these tend to keep a little longer. Red leaf lettuce is just riper leaf lettuce, so if you get a mix, eat the red leaf first.

Micro-greens are extremely easy to grow. If you have a window with at least 6 hours of sun it’s easy to place a window planter (inside or outside) and seed it to produce your favorite fresh greens in less than a month. Look online and you’ll find a wide variety of approaches to this, complete with tutorials.

Herbs are greens. Fresh basil, parsley, dill, oregano, cilantro--whatever your tastebuds prefer. Be prepared for more flavor than you’re use to compared to dried spices, especially if your herbs are garden fresh. Note however of the herbs I mentioned, only parsley makes the CDC’s list, but generally the flavor of herbs is so strong you’ll won’t need to replace much volume to get the effect.

With this in mind, there’s never a reason to miss out on a real meal, even when the heat makings cooking a non-option. Next time you reach for the crackers, swivel to the crisper and turn that snack into a nutritious meal.

[curiouswildi]

I was tagged by @ren-ofthesith thank you!!! 😗💕

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?

wooden brown

2. A food you never eat?

This one is hard, i could eat cardboard if it is well seasoned. Insects maybe? I could never eat one of those bizarre insects extravagant meals 🕷.

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

As you all already know I live on the surface of the sun, so I'm always hot 😓☉

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

On a meeting. Go to my previous post to see what the work presentation was about 👌

5. What is your favorite candy bar?

York

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

I went to an NBA game once 🏀

7. What is the last thing you said out loud?

"I have to go. I have to heat up my coffee." (and I never came back 😆)

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

mint chocolate chip ice cream 👌

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

coffee

10. Do you like your wallet?

i don't have a wallet (last one broke and i haven't replace it yet) so I keep my money like real women do, scattered around my purse 😆

11. What was the last thing you ate?

It's a Puerto Rican dish, called "frituras"..it's something similar to a fried dumpling stuffed with steak, yummy 👌

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

I wish...this damn quarantine has all clothing stores closed 😣

13. The last sporting event you watched?

I think it was an MLB game? 🤔 ⚾

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Kettle corn is very good. But I also like lime, pepper and butter flavors.

15. Who was the last person you sent a text message to?

my child

16. Ever go camping?

Yes, lots of times. I love it. 🏕

17. Do you take vitamins?

Usually? No. But with the COVID-19 situation, I take all i can get!!

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?

No, but I wish I would, I miss it 😔

19. Do you have a tan?

Ha! With this quarantine? Stop playing with my feelings....

20. Do you prefer chinese food or pizza?

This question is offensive and I refuse to answer it. (how can you make me chose?)

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?

Only at restaurants and fastfood places.

22. What color socks do you usually wear?

If I have to chose a color, it'll be black, but mostly multicolored with designs.

23. Ever drive above the speed limit?

Is there any other way to drive? 🤷🏼

24. What terrifies you?

cockroaches

25. Look to your left what do you see?

Church's Chicken.

26. What chore do you hate?

Just one? I hate all of them

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

Chris Hemsworth. And koalas.

28. What is your favorite soda?

Cream soda.

29. Do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

Drive through.

30. Who was the last person you talked to?

My child.

31. Favorite cut of beef?

I love the whole cow, I can't chose.

32. Last song you listened to?

#1 Crush. By Garbage.

33. Last book you read?

I started to read "The Eyes of the Dragon" by Stephen King, but got distracted with coronavirus.

34. Favorite day of the week?

Whichever I can get free from work.

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

Never tried. And you can't make me.

36. Do you like coffee?

I have coffee running through my veins.

37. Favorite pair of shoes?

My dirty converse.

38. At what time do you normally go to bed?

Around 12:00am.

39. At what time do you normally get up?

Around 6:00am, cuz society makes me.

40. What do you prefer - sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets.

41. How many blankets are on your bed?

One very thin sheet. Remember? On the surface of the sun?

42. Describe your kitchen plates:

Plain and boring.

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic bevarage?

Cocktail: Mojitos.

Beer: Corona.

Wine: Sauvignon Blanc

44. Do you play cards?

Yes.

45. What color is your car?

Red.

46. Can you change a tire?

I can, but I won't.

47. What is your favorite province?

Like in my country? In the world?

48. Favorite job you ever had?

Retail at a Christmas shop.

49. How did you get your biggest scar?

When I was a little girl I was running around the school like a maniac (as usual) with the others, and I fell, and got my knee scratched pretty bad.

50. What did you do today that made someone happy?

Helped a customer in need.

I'll tag: @the-queen-of-things , @oh-nostalgiaa , @genericbrowngurl , @kyber-hearts-and-stardust-souls , @poealsobucky , @mur-raay , @you-cant-cry-in-here , @jokerjoaquinphoenix , @charlie-sisters , @bring-your-holy-water , @tearsofafallenangel , @x-wingwarriorbbpoe8 , @fallenstarsabyss , @heroesaredumb ,

[sweetcatmintea]

Fairies again

Day two of @alexprompts‘s advent calendar. I got a little silly with this one XD Prolly to balance out the serious mood of something else I was working on. I hope you enjoy a night in a shack! Feedback keeps me writing is appreciated! 

Prompt: This lovely picture by @dmcoffee Words: 1029

Knock knock. “Trick or treaters! Open up please.”

“This is Australia. We don’t do Halloween.”

Hasty whispers and a disgruntled murmur of disappointment, but the visitors leave with little complaint. Shaking my head, I lean on the tin wall, sliding down to sit with my companion.

“Fairies?” He nods to the door. A formality really.

“Fairies.” Twelfth time today. I regret whatever action resulted in my turn to answer the door falling on today. At least they’re notoriously bad liars.

“Twelve is a magic number isn’t it? Maybe they’ll give up for the day.”

I can’t answer, interrupted by knocking anew. Sighing, I hoist myself onto my feet, peering through the peephole. Of course. About seven not-quite-children cluster around the shack. Limbs long, skinny, segmented, eyes too large, pointed ears. Disappointingly stereotypical fairies.

“Christmas carollers! Please open up and listen!” They chant together, high pitched voices like someone autotuned pikachu.

“It’s September! Christmas is months away.”

More whispers. “Christmas in September! We have a petition to make a new holiday! Would you like to sign?”

“No thank you.”

Another retreat. Please let this be the last one. Dropping back to the floor, I can’t help but laugh to myself. I’ll tell you one thing, if you asked my how I thought society as we knew it would end, I would not have guessed fairy apocalypse. At some point they realised they could run amuck in this realm since out manners and rules diverged enough from theirs we were left vulnerable to their mischief. Also, magic. The magic surprised a lot of people.

“What’s for dinner chef?” I nudge Samuel with an elbow. Pro tip: get stranded in a strange place with a good friend rather than a stranger. Skip the whole awkward ‘oh so what did you do before the fairies ruined your life’ thing. Samuel knows I did nothing. Easy.

He rummages through the food crate, tossing a packet of chips to me. “Aerated corn cylinders lightly powdered with a desiccated dairy sauce.

“Oh no, you don’t mean…” I’m afraid to see what’s in my hands.

“Yep. Cheezels.”

“Nooo.” I let out a low moan. “Maybe I’d be better off with the fairies.” Samuel ignores my groans. Why cheezels? They’re easily the worst kind of chip. Taco shells make better chips. Cracking the bag open, I can’t help but pout at the puff of fake cheese wafting out. Not to be dramatic, but this is really putting a downer on my apocalypse experience. What was with the shack’s previous owner’s obsession with terrible foods? I’ve had nothing to drink for the past week except long life almond milk. Almond! Not even cow milk? I’ll settle for soy, my standards are in tatters as it is. (Please rain soon) But nooo. Gotta have the Worst Foods Woolies no frills has to offer. I crunch sadly on a chip while Samuel rolls his eyes at my performance.

“They’d probably make you go to formal dances or whatever and spend two hours exchanging pleasantries and small talk before you even get to the hall. Is cake really worth that?” He pops a chip in his mouth, making a show of relishing in the flavour just to rub salt in my wounds.

“You make a compelling argument but consider this, it’s not whether cake is worth social suffering. It’s whether freedom is worth cheezel torture. I’m leaning towards nay.”

“Yeah, but you’ve already made it this far. If you give up now you’ll lose your self-set endurance contest.”

“True.” I point a cheezel ringed finger at him. “Maybe I can survive another night here.”

Nothing else to do, we sit and watch the universe move around us out the window. The milky way glitters proud and uncaring over the starry mountains beyond. At least we still have the moon. The winter sky is unbelievably clear out here. Ah the majesty of nature. Beauty at our fingertips, wonder greater than our imaginations. The living, breathing world just out the window. I miss anime.

A fire crackles in the middle of the room, smoke filtering out of the hundred and fifty-seven cracks and holes in the building. It’s doing its job though, keeping us warm as winter drags on. Technically we’re approaching spring, but we all know Australia has HOT or COLD, spring and autumn were made up by Starbucks to sell more seasonal drinks.

It’s not that the fairies are physically barred from coming in, just socially obligated to stay out unless invited in. They Bugs Bunnied themselves there. Fairies say squatters’ rights apparently so when we found this little old shack, all we had to do was close the door and live in it a few days. Then it was our space to the exclusion of all those uninvited.

Simple, I can hear you saying, just don’t invite them in! Yeah, no. You’re fairy bait now. Do you know how hard it is not to accidentally invite someone inside?? Say they come up and offer you a jam doughnut (man I want some good food) you say no thanks right? But then, say you’re feeling peevish and ask them to stop bothering you and they ask why. Bam! You’ve just fallen into a conversation! Now what? Do you think it’s good manners to hold conversations through the window? No. It’s not. You’ll have to invite them in to continue talking or they’ll storm the shack and magic you away for being rude. After they’re inside, then what? What are the details of the social contract engaged with in a shack that you’re squatting in? Don’t know? Me either. You see my dilemma now I hope.

“You’re getting all worked up. You’re slumpy.” Samuel jolts me with a poke to the ribs.

“Slumpy?”

“Yeah, sleep grumpy. Go to bed.”

“I am not.”

“You are. You were doing that thing with your face like you’re aggressively narrating your life’s struggles to an invisible audience.”

“That’s a very specific observation.”

“Are you denying it?”

“… No.”

He raises his brows at me.

“Fiine. I’ll head. Are you fine to keep watch?”

“Yeah. They don’t usually come out as much at night.”

“Coolio. See you tomorrow.”

—–

Tag list

@snobbysnekboi, @inkovert, @kainablue, @i-rove-rock-n-roll, and @goblin-writer

[this-lioness]

Weekend Review

Long, boring and mundane, as usual, but I find it relaxing.

The last two grocery orders for my Mom were only about 1/3 to 1/2 full, and I knew that wasn’t going to hold her very long.  Food is readily available in the stores, it’s just that the stores are no longer doing substitutions for out-of-stock items, so if there are six versions of a given item available online you have to hope that the one you pick is one they have in stock, otherwise you’re not getting anything at all.  Your only choice is to keep ordering and ordering and ordering or physically go into the store.  Ugh.

There’s a Grocery Outlet up the street from us, and we decided Friday afternoon would probably be less crowded than a Saturday morning, and took our chances going out.  We wore masks and gloves, to be safe, and I left most everything home -- purse, glasses, phone.  I didn’t want to have to decontaminate more than I absolutely had to.

It went pretty smoothly, all things considered.  We have a full decontamination area in the pantry now: drop cloth on the floor, rolling rack with a bleach-water solution, washable wipes, clean grocery bags and gloves.  So we bring everything in through the back gate, I spray everything down with bleach (or SimpleGreen, if we’re worried about bleach getting on it) in the pantry, let it sit, then Marc wipes it dry and transfers it either to our own cabinets or into clean bags for my Mom.  Produce gets transferred directly to the sink where it’s washed with warm, soapy water and then dried.

Is it enough?  I don’t know.  It’s certainly a whole process, which makes me feel like we’re doing some amount of good, but I suppose you can’t really know for sure right now.

Saturday morning we had our breakfast biscuit sandwiches and coffee, then packed up (what we thought was) all my Mom’s groceries and drove them over.  En route she texted me to ask for Splenda (*sigh*) and a flashlight, because Jim uses a flashlight to navigate to the bathroom at night.  By then it was too late, but it turns out we’d forgotten all her frozen items anyway, so I told her I’d bring it the next day.

Dropped everything off with her and then went to Lowes to pick up garden soil and some drainage rock.  It was still cold and cloudy out, but warm enough that we got a good hour or so of work done in the back yard -- mostly cleaning up the winter muck.

A few months ago we bought a stack of old icing buckets from a baker ($1 each!) and Marc drilled holes in the bottom and layered them with rock and soil.  He also dug up one of the original three blackberry beds which we decided to retire.  I’d planned to just toss the canes, but they were already greening up so nicely that he took the chance they could be salvaged and transferred them to three new planters.  To my surprise they don’t seem shocked at all, so we may be able to keep them going in a better location!

Marc is debating what to do with the retired bed, but we’ll probably use it to dry firewood or store things off-season.

I went over the blackberry bushes and cut off all the old winter growth and one or two dead canes.  They’re greening up beautifully, and one of them has thrown FIVE NEW CANES, two of which have sprouted in the little gap between beds.  Complete assholes.  I rocked off the gap so it is now unofficially our new third berry bed, and gave it a stern talking-to about behaving itself from now on.  I swear to God those canes grew more since just yesterday.

The raspberries are greening up, but not so vigorously.  I need the time to get them back in order, frankly -- we have to completely redo the training wire.  There’s fucking thistle everywhere, I want to scream.  The harder you try to get rid of the stuff the more aggressively it spreads.

Blueberries are greening up as well.  I acidified the soil as best I could, but we’re giving them just this year to prove themselves.  If they can’t grow berries I can’t spare the garden space, and frankly it’s just too much work trying to acidify their beds.  The blackberries and raspberries would literally kill their mother to take over that space, and I’d love to try some gooseberries or something else new and different.

I pulled last year’s baby maples from their winter bed and gave them a once-over.  They’ve got tiny little buds on them, it looks like they all made it -- a good five or six at least!  I’ve got them in the sun now, anyway, to see if we can coax them fully back to life.

After choring I cleaned litter boxes, showered, then came downstairs and completely tore the pantry apart -- mud room, cabinet pantry, and the two sides of the kitchen island where we normally keep canned goods.

We normally keep a very well-stocked pantry, but I wanted a better idea of everything we had, and it was starting to get cluttered in a way that made it hard to get everything.  I spent a good few hours -- and Marc even got into it, and was a huge help -- taking everything out, combining items, moving some bulk goods to air-tight containers, and then sorting it all back new spots.

I had a bunch on hand that was more than we needed, and offered to bring it to my Mom with her frozen stuff.  In exchange she offered us some polenta and a few frozen items that neither she nor Jim would eat.  Good trade.

I’ve run past Marc the idea of organizing his tool chest as well, which is currently a six-foot-tall column of absolute madness that I have to avert my eyes from, but it seems like that’s going to wait until tomorrow.  Ah well.

Had tacos, watched Onward (I wasn’t expecting much but I actually really liked it), played some Animal Crossing and went to bed.  Good day.

This morning Marc made chocolate chip waffles and then we popped back out again.  The plan was just to drop the groceries off at my Mom’s, but we managed to get a few other things done: brought over the old tiered planter so she can use it for herbs and annuals, and set up the frame for a raised garden bed so she can grow some veggies (with my help, no doubt).  Later this week I’ll go over and lay down some weed blocker for her and fill it with soil.  I’ve got more than enough broccoli sprouts to spare and I’m sure the same will be true with the peppers, so she’ll have that if nothing else.

Afterwards we hit Lowes again, picking up a few more bags of top soil, bird seed, and more buckets.

Today was absolutely beautiful, cloudy on-and-off but warm and good for gardening.  We did a bang up job!

Marc gathered all the old wood paneling and other crap that’s been accumulating and got it into one spot so we can call a haul-away company.  He also cleaned up most of the leaf litter from around the yard and helped me organize the little collapsible greenhouse we got for free late last year.  It’s really handy, we’re already talking about replacing it with something more permanent.

I planted some of the broccoli sprouts and put them out in the sun.  Here’s hoping!  The three onion bulbs I planted a few weeks ago were sprouting up green so I got those into a planter and plugged most of the rest of the bulbs into biodegradable containers to see if we can get them growing as well.  Onions seem complicated, but I’ll do my best.

I’ve been saving every kind of little container I could get my hands on, these past weeks, and I filled them all up with soil and got some eggplant seeds going as well.  The bell peppers are just now starting to sprout, they need a bit longer, but I think they’ll get there.  Also planted some pinto beans and cat grass.  I’ve still got some baby spinach and pumpkins to get going, but I’m holding onto those for just now.

We sorted the “guest” patio chairs off into the side yard, as we don’t really anticipate having anyone over this summer.  We can always break them out again if we need to, it’s easy enough, but right now I’ve got almost every single sunny spot dedicated to something we can grow and eat.

We’ll have tomatoes at some point, too, but I’d prefer to buy them as seedlings.  I’m already unsure just how well the current round of babies is going to do.  I’m so worried about that broccoli, but I guess at some point you have to just let it do its thing and hope for the best.

I hope everything comes up.  I’ve read everything I can, but sometimes it all gets confused and muddled, so at some point I just sort of have to... hope.  Supposedly last year’s corn should return, but man... I don’t know.  We’ll keep an eye on it.  If it hasn’t come up by the time seedlings start appearing in the store we’ll just pull them up and replant.  That was a wonderful exercise last year.

We also put out more clover seed in the front (last year’s clover is BOOMING), and spread some wildflower seeds around as well.  Marc filled up the bird feeders, hosed off the patio and set up the chairs.  We’re going to buy a better pressure washer than the old electric one we have from the old house, both for our use and so my parents don’t have to keep hiring someone to clean their siding.  That will make a big difference.

It’s amazing what a difference an afternoon of work made in the back yard -- it looks and feels so much better.  Afterwards we got showered up and changed, and then a little bit ago I made some veggie fried brown rice with steamed veggie dumplings.  A little later on I’m going to make us some sakura lattes and maybe something light to snack on for dessert.

And how are you?

[iamjjmmma]

Cheapest Foods at Walmart (AKA I Tell You My Full Childhood Diet)

For those of you who may be tight on your budget, especially for the people I know who live in Appalachia and frequently struggle with poverty and normally go to Walmart because it’s the only thing around, we know that searching for the cheapest food can be tricky if you’re shopping in basically a giant warehouse. We know the rules, yada yada yada. Buy Great Value, not the name brand. Sell your soul to coupons. Live on leftovers. Buy bulk if you can. Those help, but not as much as choosing cheap purchases in the first place. Right here, straight up, is the cheapest possible food you can buy at Walmart. Ramen Noodles. Hey, they don’t have a reputation without having a reason for it. Basically any type of pasta that strikes you as obviously cheap. A big box of bowtie pasta for 75 cents? GET IT. Birds Eye Veggies. Cheap cuts of meat… you know, the no-name brand, $1 a pound meat. Whole chickens. While it is on the more expensive side, going for $5-6, and it requires lots of prep, whole chickens can last you for a very, very long time. For a cheaper and easier (yet smaller) alternative, buy whole cornish hens. A package of generic hot dogs. Whatever milk you get, make sure you get the Great Value Whole Fat milk. While it’s not “healthy”, per se, being underweight isn’t healthy, either. An 18-pack of eggs. Great Value, of course. Peanut butter’s pretty cheap and a good source of protein. Nice if you can buy sandwich supplies too. Generic white bread. Generic white rice. Beans. Those are seriously cheap. And you can easily grow your own with a water bottle and a wet paper towel. Cooked rotisserie chickens. Those are relatively cheap and good if you’re in a situation to where your power is out due to a snowstorm or something. Fresh potatoes. They’re incredibly cheap and filling. Chili’s pretty cheap, too. A big bag of generic apples if you’re worried about fruit. Those huge Malt-O-Meal cereal bags. They’re about the same price all across, no matter what kind you get, so you can have a nice amount of choices when it comes to cereal. I LIVED on those as a kid in the morning. Dried, steel-cut oats. I remember eating these in front of the TV when I was a kid for HOURS, and my parents had no problem financially with fulfilling my dried oats addiction. Onions. Those are 30 cents each. Saute them and mix them with your ramen noodles and you’ve got yourself a meal under a dollar. A huge tub of plain yogurt. Seriously, it’s so HUGE that you’ll have trouble being able to fit it into your fridge. And for $3, that’s a heck of a lot of yogurt. It’ll taste disgusting, but it’ll give you lots of nutrients and probiotics, which is great for you if you’re sick. Carrots. Those are also cheap, although I hate them. Maybe it’s because I ate them so much as a kid. Lentils. This goes back to the beans idea, but whatever. Bananas are cheap if you’re not keen on apples as a fruit source. Ransack the soup aisle- soup in general is pretty cheap unless you’re going for the organic stuff. Great Value bottled water. I know, I know… not food. But you can buy 78 of these bad boys for $5. Compare that to 5 water bottles for $5 at McDonald’s. You can’t get away with that perfect “we’re cheap” reputation, Walmart. You just can’t. Cookies, like Oreos or Chips Ahoy, sell at a pretty reasonable price. That was our #1 dessert as a kid, and I still love them. A huge bag of Utz Potato Chips. Now, they have a big bag full of tons of little bags that are both cheap and perfect for your lunch box, and that was what I lived on when I went to school. Popcorn. Bagged is more expensive, but still pretty cheap at $2-ish a bag. Chickpeas are pretty underrated. 57 cents a can we’re talking about. That being said, go to the canned veggies aisle and see if you can find anything else obviously cheap there. Generic granola bars. If you’re allergic to nuts like me, you have to do some scouring on the back, but you can walk away with spending $2 on 16 of these. And they have a lot of energy. If you’re craving ice cream, freeze the plain yogurt you just bought. Canned tuna. It may be small, but it’s better than nothing when you only have a dollar on hand. Also an important source of protein. Spinach can come cheap, but make sure you don’t accidentally buy the organic one. Generic spinach is hard to come by in Walmart. Corn when it’s in season. 75 cents an ear is not bad at all.