#the ending is super great but also just bittersweet sad

[gothamcityneedsme]

Shoutout to me for having a playlist i made in 2018 for a story i still havent finished.

its for my Ihnmaim/s dirkhal fic

[thisisxli]

Hajime x tooru's twin sister!reader who is bold president of a science club in school headcanons?

OOOOH this is a MUST

Miss the old haikyuu 2020 days fr. And man is this my best work yet trust🙏

Hajime Iwaizumi x Fem!Reader(Tooru's twin)

Rs: Hajime Iwaizumi x Fem!Reader (Tooru's twin sister)

Warnings: ANGST, a little bit of bullying, awkward talks of teenage sex, sexual depictions, suggested themes, nsfw(lasts for a sentence or two), disorder mentioned, implied death

Tags: sad.. Bittersweet, fluff, hajime is so cute, hajime acts soft around reader, childhood friends to lovers, high school sweethearts, old age, marriage, a little smut

Recommended song: (play by the end)

wc: 1.5k

a/n: this made me feel nostalgic and pretty sad to write imo.

How you met/first impressions:

You met each other through your brother, Tooru. Tooru was snarky and keen on keeping his best friend to himself but you were even more petty. When Tooru was distracted on trying to set a ball, you would quickly grab Hajime by the wrist and drag him to your hiding place. Occasionally, it would change because your brother would somehow find it.. always.

To Hajime, you had to be one of the prettiest girls he's ever seen in all of his six years of living. You.. also became his first heartbreak. He proposed to you with a ring pop and you refused. "Pee-yew! I don't wanna marry you, Iwa!" He was left super dejected and sulked until Tooru was forced to distract him to get his mind off things. Ever since then, he was always teasing you and making smart ass remarks at you.

He was a odd boy. What made you like and wanna hang around him like Tooru does was that Hajime was adventurous. He seemed strong too. And you wanted two boys to look up to anyways to treat you like queen so you tried your best to boss both Tooru and Hajime around. You entirely started to acknowledge Hajime when he comforted you after Tooru hit you in the head with a volleyball.

How you start to like each other:

Hajime has always liked you since you were little kids. Obviously. But he made sure it wasn't obvious to you or that you were merely someone he stole answers from for science class. Someone who was just his best friend's twin sister. It wasn't like he was gonna stay like this forever... He just didn't know how to approach you. And he has his doubts. He's basically like Paxton Hall Yoshida only that he didn't sleep around and he wasn't that dumb... He just sucked at science. So he goes to you but he makes fun of you for it.

You realize when some random jock drops all the books in your hands on purpose, laughing and high-fiving with his friends. "stupid- STUPID SHITFACE!" Your shout literally reaches everyone's ears. Including Hajime's.

For some reason, the jock gets offended and goes up to you, chest to chest. Except his chest was much larger and higher than yours. "The fuck d'you say?" You nearly recoil when you feel his hot breath hit your face. "I said-" "betta' keep that mouth shut, sweetheart," he cuts you off immediately, wincing when he shoves you against the lockers. People are already crowding and pulling out their phones. Great. But before anything else happens, the jock is roughly jerked back and lands on his butt. And there stands your prince Charming, Hajime Iwaizumi. You notice that his ears are red. Steams were also practically steaming out of his ears. He stomps his way over to the jock that stood up with a small stutter. "Better keep that mouth shut, hm?" Hajime stares the jock down. Clearly, the boy wasn't going to back down so he scoffs, rolling his sleeves up. The jock's eyes quickly widen and murmur a 'my bad ' and takes his leave along with his friends, a few applauses and cat calls being earned from the crowd.

"You okay?" Hajime barely grasps your fingertips in his, looking at you with concern. Your heart was quite literally about to explode over what just occurred.

How you confess:

The tension was awfully SO obvious.. Matsukawa was frantically complaining about the faint flirting and playful teases. But neither you or Hajime did or said nothing. Matsukawa basically face plants at that but he sorts out a plan with Hanamaki and Tooru. Tooru was almost against it but he did have to admit, he literally knew everything about how the two of you felt. And it was painful to watch you and Hajime, it cringed him out LIKE JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY!!

Tooru had sent you a text that he was already home. So it was just you and Hajime. You both left the school in silence. Started walking in silence. Entering your neighborhood in silence. Before you thought another moment was gonna be filled in silence, he tugs you by the wrist. He confesses and pours out everything he knows and feels about you. How long, when, where, etc. You confess too, a smile adorning your face when he looks away all flustered. You kissed him on the cheek before you went in your house, leaving him alone with a hand on his cheek and a slack jaw.

How you get together:

He was waiting for you outside the door after your club meeting ended. He seemed nervous but you knew what he was trying to get at. So you simply do the job for him. "Wanna be my boyfriend?" He gives you that signature head scratching smile, giving you a nod. You both walk home together that late afternoon, holding hands the whole way.

How you kiss:

They're very sweet and slow. Hajime respects you enough to not over step your boundaries unless you ask of him. He gets very wary when you do. "Are you sure? Are you reaallly sure? I don't know.. Suure? Okay, okay- fine, c'mere."

Sometimes things get heated. The way his tongue glides over yours seems like they almost suggest something. You would smirk against his lips and push yourself on top of him to get him flustered on purpose. Or you would... at least try to pin him against a wall. "(Y-Y/N).. We- we can't yet.. not yet.." This would get you very pouty but he kisses you through it and holds you so you don't catch a fit.

What he loves about you (Adults) :

He loves that you stayed through all this time. He's known you about twenty one years and you both have dated each other for nine years. Obviously when it becomes your tenth anniversary, he's gonna propose.. He just doesn't know how... And he seriously did not mean to wait that long..

He loves to kiss your pulses and your eyelids. He thinks those are really intimate to do and he just really loves that you're alive and breathing.

He loves when wrinkles start to spawn whenever you concentrate. It makes him think he'll grow old with you.

When you're married: he loves it when you cling onto him for life on your honeymoon, screaming his name when you're bouncing on his shaft. 'Give me your babies' you chant. It makes him giggle at the thought.

Awkward discussion with your kids:

One of your kids get a unusual.. and awfully weird offer. Luckily, they came to you both about it for advice and for curiosity. "Why do people have sex?"

Honestly, it was like you were ready for this question but you were unprepared. You knew how high school could be very.. Ratchet. Especially with all the drama, sex, hormones... You were sure things were worse for their generation. But you thoroughly explain and answer with all you can to your child's questions, trying not to cringe halfway.

Your husband was NOT prepared at all. He wasn't ready. He wasn't even really expecting this conversation until LATER. man, he thinks. 'Their generation would really bring us all down.' He stays and tries to answer though.. It's mainly just you talking and you seem completely fine and cool with it which he doesn't understand at all.

After an argument:

Usually, a child sulks and becomes completely depressed when their parents fight but oh no, not your child. Your child absolutely loves to step in between you and Hajime's arguments. Your child was basically the anchor, almost. Keeping you two steady.

Hajime would realize his mistakes and so would you. So you both make up to each other and show each other your love, hugging each other and never letting go, falling asleep in each other's arms once you do.

Who gets Dementia?

You, you do.

It's a sad thing, really. Old age was really hitting you both, you especially. It saddened you both but you both knew it would be okay all as long he was next to you and you were next to him.

It would hurt Hajime whenever you would forget his name and slowly how he looks like. But he never gave up, nor did he ever pressure you into trying to figure out who he was. That's also how you knew that man was someone you loved. Every time you would remember though, everything suddenly became waterworks. You would cry about being young again and experiencing so many things with each other without a problem in the world.

Last moments?

"Hajime?" You murmur, reaching out for his wrinkled hand. He turns to look at you, eyes glossy and sullen looking because of his droopy skin. He rubs his thumb across your hand, kissing your knuckles. "You're beautiful."

You smile warmly, closing your eyes just as you tell him so, "take me to the moon."

Fun Fact:

As young adults, Hajime was suffering without you in California. He immediately made sure you never left his sight when he went back to Japan.

At the ages of 6, Hajime had nursed your scraped knee. When he gave you a Disney Princess band-aid, you kissed his cheek politely and he happily accepted it.

[devildomwriter]

A Christmas Song They Absolutely Hate

A request by an anon

Lucifer (That damn chipmunk song)

Enough said, he cannot tolerate it at all, the second he hears those squeaky voices he’ll react somewhat violently. Whatever he needs to do to get that music to stop the fastest, he will do, even launching Mammon into the speaker.

Mammon (Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer)

He hates the song. He’s not so big an idiot that he doesn’t realize everyone only suddenly likes Rudolph because they think he’s useful, he thinks it’s a bad song and the reindeer are big jerks.

Leviathan (Baby, it’s cold outside)

“Those fucking normies. They’re just all over each other, go to hell.”

Satan (God rest ye merry gentlemen.)

They literally diss him in the song, like what’d he do to those guys personally, it makes him very angry to hear carolers singing it especially.

Innocent Carolers: “To save us all from Satan’s power—“

Satan: *yelling from across the street* “I didn’t do anything to you!”

Asmodeus (That damn chipmunk song)

Like normally squeaky or soft voices are kinda cute but nuh-uh, not this one. It feels like nails on a chalkboard to him.

Beelzebub (Believe)

He doesn’t really care but the song Believe makes him kinda sad.

It’s a great song with a bittersweet message and it makes him tear up a little when he hears it so he’s come to not like it much.

Belphegor (Anything hard to fall asleep to)

It doesn’t matter the song, if it’s too uppitty he can’t fall asleep. Even Christmas gospel can send him to sleep but not something like All I Want For Christmas is You.

Solomon (That damn chipmunk song)

It needs no introduction. It’s a song he’d hoped would die out soon after its release but it’s been well over a decade and occasionally he hears it playing and sighs deeply at how disappointing human musical taste has become.

Thirteen (That damn chipmunk song)

She hates it and will only occasionally tolerate it by playing it whenever Solomon is nearby in hopes of seeing his face fall.

Simeon (Santa baby)

The song really drives him nuts, he doesn’t have a real reason he just really dislikes it. Maybe it’s the greed at Christmas time which isn’t even about gifts, but it just really irks him.

Luke

He loves them all, except super romantic ones because that’s not what Christmas is about!

Raphael (All I want for Christmas is you)

That’s not the point of Christmas at all and the song mentions nothing about the true meaning of Christmas everything about some random romantic interest really irritates him. He’s not above spearing the sound system if the song isn’t changed.

Michael (12 days of Christmas)

It's just so long and repetitive.

He’d rather listen to shorter songs than one that just doesn’t seem to end, like get to the next song already, turtledoves aren’t even an existing species anymore—don’t remind him of such a tragedy.

Mephistopheles (Basically all of them)

Mephistopheles isn’t a Christmas demon, he only tolerates it for Diavolo’s sake but he’ll be damned if a song plays around him and Diavolo isn’t there. He’ll contact whoever he needs to to change the music immediately.

Barbatos (Dominic the donkey)

He hates it because he believes it’s rather stupid but also because it cracks Diavolo up so Diavolo plays it a few times a day to amuse himself and Barb is really sick of hearing it.

Diavolo

He loves all of them, even the damn chipmunk song. Even the Christmas gospel doesn’t really bother him but he doesn’t pay as much attention to it as he does humming along to the other songs. He does laugh when he hears Satan’s name in God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, so he actually likes that one.

[fencecollapsed]

I have some opinions about the Barbie and Ken dynamic,, let me know if I'm out of line here but like I wish they were friends

I know it was supposed to be abundantly clear that Barbie is uninterested in Ken romantically, and believe me I'm all for that. but she didn't seem to like him much at all, and I feel like that was kind of a missed opportunity?

I believe that Ken's arc is partly supposed to resemble watching a boy you grew up with and trusted and were close to becoming an alpha male misogynist seemingly out of nowhere, I see that intent and it's good. I personally didn't really feel that in the movie though because I don't super believe that Barbie considered Ken a friend. if Stereotypical Ken was Stereotypical Barbie's very best friend - which he definitely isn't - him turning on her would've hit harder

it could've given more to explore with their relationship overall. unrequited romantic love between best friends tends to be portrayed as sad for the friend who's in love, but what about the friend who isn't? in middle school I had two guy friends who I considered family, they were like brothers. I thought they were great and I really liked being around them. both of them ended up asking me out, and when I turned them down, our relationships changed. one of them got distant and jealous, and the other stayed my friend but every now and then would still try to convince me to date him. it sucked, and on both occasions I felt bad that I didn't feel the same way they did. I missed how things were before

going deeper into that dynamic with Barbie and Ken could've added an extra layer to the movie. they used to be so close, things are different now, they love each other, but Ken loves Barbie romantically and Barbie loves Ken like a brother, and they both know it. lately she's spending more time with the girls and less time with him because things are awkward and she feels bad, without realizing she's starting to disregard him entirely. Ken feels lonely and dejected and falls into the patriarchy and starts believing that Barbie not loving him the way he loves her isn't just unfortunate, it's wrong, he's entitled to that. all the Kens are entitled to that. if she doesn't love him how he wants her to why should she get the respect she doesn't give him?

their little talk at the end could have more weight and them going their separate ways could be more bittersweet because they do love each other. they'll miss each other so much, they've always been best friends. but they've been hurting each other too much for too long without realizing it, and it's better to say goodbye now than to hold on until they end up hating each other

also I wish Ken apologized to Barbie. I know, I know it was definitely intentional, it was about the man hurting the woman and the woman still feels the need to apologize to him, but that doesn't mean I have to like it!! if Ken's arc was supposed to be remotely sympathetic he should've said he was sorry!!!

[swanmaids]

year end rec list wrap-up

2023 was such a good year for silm fic, I read so much great stuff from all corners. But I would be very much remiss if I did not rec each of the wonderful gift fics that I was lucky enough to recieve throughout the year!

The Silmarillion, in reverse-chronological order:

Indissoluble by @polutrope [idril/tuor/voronwe; rated e, 2.6k, nawa]

All the banter-filled, life-affirming sex for my ot3 equals merry christmas to ME.

untitled by @polutrope [tuor/voronwe; explicit, five sentences, on tumblr]

Sensual, tender, and full of hope against all odds on the way to Gondolin.

a passionate kiss by @jouissants [earendil/elwing; on tumblr]

Amazing worldbuilding and sensuality in this portrayal of Sirion-era Starwing.

she is so tired of fleeing by @that-angry-noldo [morwen; five sentences, on tumblr]

Perfect refugee Morwen characterisation in just five sentences.

blessed disorder by @sallysavestheday [turgon & aredhel; rated g, 0.1k, nawa]

The sweetest snapshot of these two being the best of friends.

Muntjac by @jouissants [celegorm/orome; rated e, 2.2k, nawa]

Hot, emotional and fairly dark sex between these two in Beleriand as everything falls apart around Celegorm. Just so perfectly THEM.

salt by @verecunda [earendil/elwing; three sentences, on tumblr]

Super sweet and romantic slice of life for my otp.

the glassmaker by @thelordofgifs [ofc/ofc; rated t, 1.9k, nawa]

Such excellent worldbuilding and a tender blossoming romance between two ordinary women of Sirion while it was still thriving, by fellow Sirion-understander.

swing by @welcomingdisaster [nerdanel/indis, rated t, 1.3k, nawa]

Beautiful imagery and wrenching emotions in this post-flight of the Noldor fic. And yet, despite it all, some hope.

Leaves of Countless Years Lie Thick by @polutrope [celegorm/orome; rated m, 0.8k, nawa]

Stunning, sexy, emotive post-canon reunion between these two. Fantastic Orome pov.

a kiss to wake up by @polutrope [Idril/Tuor/Voronwe; rated t, nawa]

A lovely moment of tenderness and then hope as Earendil rises in the sky.

the longed for that cometh beyond hope by @meadowlarkx [earendil/elwing; rated g, 0.4k, nawa]

Beautiful bittersweet fairytale vibes in this tale of "peredhil living through their own myth", as Earendil's quest is completed.

forced to watch by @theworldisquietheretooquiet [morwen & aerin; 1.1k, implied rape, on tumblr]

Wrenchingly sad exploration of Morwen's emotions as she is forced to watch Aerin and Brodda marry.

warmth by @that-angry-noldo [earendil/elwing, elwing & earendil & elrond & elros; on tumblr]

A lovely soft and adorable moment as Earendil and Elwing play with their children.

what remains by asterisq [dior/nimloth; rated t, 2.2k, mcd]

Impeccable clinical horror vibes and tragedy in this remix gift! Observations of the corpses of Dior and Nimloth following the second kinslaying.

summer by @halfelven [earendil; on tumblr]

Evocative and heartwrenching portrayal of a young and traumatised Earendil in Sirion.

House of the Dragon

a discreet kiss by @ellrond [rhaenyra/alicent; on tumblr]

A sweet stolen moment between a young Alicent and Rhaenyra, tragic when one remembers what's to come.

and as if that wasn't enough, I was also #blessed enough to receive several stunning illustrations of my own fics. Each is absolutely beautiful and adds to the fics immeasurably. Go and Look at them.

one of your girls

Celegorm in a dress by @curufiin

nothing beside remains

Uinen tends to Tar-Miriel's bones by @meadowlarkx

the salt in the wound

Curufin's wife holding angrist by @matrose

Luthien/Curufin's wife by @matrose

sister, sister

Young Aredhel tags along on a Turgon/Elenwe date by @matrose

[boywifesammy]

spn fic rec fest - 7

AUGUST 22 - gen fics

as before, i've tagged authors that have their tumblr public on their ao3. if you'd like me to remove the @, just lmk. @spnficrecfest for more info on the event.

What You're Looking For by ani_coolgirl (@ani-coolgirl) Sam-centric, 1.5k, T

Post-finale, Sam's getting old and needs Dean Jr's help. i truly cannot speak highly enough of ani’s writing. their first time series was the reason i got back into spn and for good reason!! this fic always gets me in the feels and its because of how well done the characterization is while still being achingly foreign. like you can tell that this is sam but hes so old&worn that hes all grief and nothing else. MAN! so good. also the safe’s password being deans birthday made me have many thoughts.

Ellie's Giant by cordelia_gray Sam-centric, 1.2k, G

“A mute giant with sad eyes lives at the end of Ellie's street.” this fic stayed on my mind for AGES after i first read it. as someone who was nonverbal for a while when i was at my lowest it hit close to home. also the idea of this little kid looking up at a scarred and traumatized sam and seeing a powerful strong but kind giant is so sweet <3

Life's A Walking Shadow by Lise (@veliseraptor) Sam-centric, 1.6k, T

“AU. When Sam gets out of the Cage decades have passed.” AHHH!!! PAIN!!! this one hurts so so so good. i can imagine old dean speaking with sammy and its been so long and everything is different but the same and its such a bittersweet ending for them. also i LOVE the detail of sam only knowing enochian when he came back. it inspired me a lot and i sorta spun that into something similar in one of my fics!

Submerged by ever_dimming Dean-centric, 4.6k, T

Dean goes out for a coffee and is triggered into a catatonic state. He’s found by a doctor from a nearby hospital. PTSD girlie recs another trauma episode fic. who is surprised </3 but seriously this is a great little read that gives u this super emotional, raw look at dean that we usually dont get. his conversation with sam at the end also pulls at my heartstrings

heavy hitter by h0lm3stuck Dean-centric, 1k, T

Aftermath of a hunting accident that leaves Dean with brain damage. i love fics that explore the physical & mental effects of the hunting lifestyle, ESPECIALLY tbi & brain damage stuff. its such emotional content seeing sam & dean in those situations. the angst is strong in this fic and its even more bittersweet since sam is still hanging onto hope.

No Doubt by @crucifixinhell Dean-centric, 1k, M [noncon, underage] (TW: underage SA)

“‘Truth is,’Henriksen says, ‘your daddy brainwashed you with all that devil talk and no doubt touched you in a bad place.’ Dean feels himself flinch hard enough to rattle the chains around his wrists.” this is a heart wrenching fic. it touches on childhood SA in a way that isnt graphic but still so loaded. it doesnt have to be spelled out because deans words say everything you need to hear. the line ‘it can’t matter because if it did then it all matters, and it can’t’ really got me. its a thought that ive played around with a lot in my own writing and it hits me so hard every time.

[emblazonet]

The White Dragon

I finally finished The White Dragon. It only took me three months? That's totally a normal length of time for a standard-sized fantasy paperback. Oh my god I am so sorry I am so slow. I enjoyed the first third because Ruth is an adorable dragon and the return of Ramoth's egg was fun, and it could've ended there.

Unfortunately, Jaxom decided to have an affair with a woman who is granted no onscreen personality, and as soon as she seems to get into things and have desires, he fucks off and never talks to her again. Wow, class act. Then he gets sick and it's stupid and boring and he falls in love with his nurse only his nurse is Sharra, who is a nice person who deserves someone who isn't a spoiled asshole like Jaxom, but apparently rescue Sharra from her domineering (but otherwise far more interesting) brother gets to be the climax! Woo! How wonderful. Kill me now. Did this book win an award simply because they unearth a spaceship? Were readers back then just so fucking horny for spaceship that they overlooked Jaxom's noxious personality?

Why is Jaxom/Sharra even a thing when Politics/Spaceship could have been the central, erm, ship.

I still struggle to tell F'lar and F'nor apart and it's making me feel really good about the names I chose for my novels. Oh, Robinton had a heart attack and that was super sad actually because Robinton is great! And he and Menolly have such a cute dynamic and I loved that moment where they were like, wow, if we were close in age we could've been lovers. I've occasionally met older people where I've experienced a hint of that bittersweet wistfulness. I think modern readers might find that creepy, but it actually really worked for me. Probably because they didn't go on to have a spring/autumn romance, but acknowledged that, yeah, life is unfair sometimes, and it just won't ever be.

Pern wine must be made of different things than the literal poison of our alcohol.

The other tragedy of this book is how much I wanted fun archaeological expeditions but Jaxom got in the way. Like... couldn't we have focussed way more on that? Instead of him being sick in a cove for pages and pages?

Also the whole Holder bloodline thing? There's just this unexamined classism where like, Jaxom is supposed to be good for Ruatha because he's got the ~*Blood*~ for it and Lessa's all happy and Sharra is ok to marry him because she's also of Holder class and it's just. Why. Whyyy.

WELL THAT'S OVER hope I never get to see Jaxom again, on to Moreta!

3/10

[hillbilly---man]

A list of my works on AO3

(they're all Saiki K fics at the moment but I'll add fandom categories to this post if I ever get a new interest lol)

It doesn't fit my plans; it's something I don't understand

Published July 11, 2021

Summary: Saiki is fascinated by Satou Hiroshi, and the people around him start to see that this might be more than just a platonic curiosity.

What is this feeling called love?

[Notes: Bittersweet ending. Nobody gets together. My insistence on theming these early fics after songs is pretty embarrassing now. I'm not proud of my writing here but the story is ok. I might rewrite it someday. Not bad for my first fic since like 2003 though]

Something Changed

Published August 11, 2021

Summary: Aiura wrote a letter to her soulmate the night before they were supposed to meet.

She's predicted a lot of things... how could she have gotten this one wrong?

[Notes: Another sad ending. The format of this is almost entirely an excited letter about the future Aiura imagined that would never come to pass. Not really much of a story happening here tbh]

Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?

Published August 28, 2021 (INCOMPLETE)

Summary: With graduation quickly approaching, the psychics of PK Academy (and Akechi) worry that they'll drift apart. Luckily, they come up with an idea.

"Let's all meet up in the year 2030!"

A lot can change in a decade.

[Notes: Kind of like a psychicker class reunion where they're all adults with jobs and everything catching up. Future chapters were going to have almost a Scooby Doo vibe (with a twist reveal at the end about Aiura's husband!) I abandoned it because I posted some art and someone called my art creepy and it made the whole fic feel bad to think about. Maybe I'll get back to it someday. It's cool to see how quickly my writing improved. I was also super proud of how well I wrote Akechi's dialogue here]

Hotel Valentine

Published September 24, 2021

Summary: Toritsuka Reita is a pretty lucky guy. He somehow managed to not get expelled from PK Academy, he graduated, and he's avoided creeping on any living girls for a few months. To celebrate, the PK Psychics paid for a one-night stay in the fanciest hotel in Tokyo so Reita can creep on the ghost girl of his dreams. Pretty lucky, right?

Too bad things aren't going his way. He's being ignored by the staff, he's bored out of his mind, and he can't find the ghost girl anywhere. Some vacation, huh?

[Notes: Spoiler: Toritsuka's a ghost stuck in a nice hotel. This is based on a concept album that most of you have never heard but hear me out! It really has nothing to do with the Cibo Matto album of the same title except that the chapters are named after the songs and there are fun Easter eggs for fans of the album. Another slightly sad ending but not too bad]

Coffee & TV

Published August 27th, 2022

Summary: The new silence in her house felt heavy on Kumi's shoulders. Everything reminded her of Kumagoro... especially her grandson Kusuo, who has been coming to visit more often than ever before.

[Notes: this is my least popular finished fic and I understand why. It's about grief and the loss of a grandparent. It's about the unique pain that a psychic would have after failing to prevent that death. There's a sad twist that TBH I think I was a little too subtle with. One of my favorites]

Friendly Fire

Published January 8, 2023

Summary: Being an adult is great until the Problems start. Good grief.

30-year-old Kusuo's psychic powers have been pretty well controlled for over a decade. Why are things starting to go haywire all of a sudden?

[Notes: Friendly Fire my fucking beloved!! In this fic, Saiki gets essentially psychic multiple sclerosis and has to deal with some complicated emotions. I don't think it's a masterpiece or anything but it was cathartic to write and I'm in love with the versions of these characters that I wrote here. So much so that I'm writing a sequel just so I can write more of them. Also, FINALLY a happy ending!!]

Ramen Ikouze?

Published April 28, 2023

Summary: After being dragged to get ramen with Nendou every week, Kusuo starts to realize that it's not so bad after all.

[Notes: I love Nendou, he's so good. This fic is very cute and about their friendship. A couple of fun twists]

Saiki has Plans?

Published May 2, 2023

Summary: Saiki mentions having plans after school, and the overactive imaginations at PK Academy work themselves into a fuss trying to imagine what he could be doing.

[Notes: This fic follows around a bunch of Saiki's classmates as they gossip and snoop to find out what he's up to. It's my most popular fic for some reason]

A Bright Flash

Published May 13, 2023

Summary: Saiki develops an annoying new ability, and through some comedy series logic is forced to tell Teruhashi about it. She tries to be a good ally to her "newly psychic" crush.

[Notes: Teruhashi accidentally finds out about Saiki's new power and he's like "fine. I'm a psychic. But it's just this one power and nothing else."]

Heat Wave

Published June 6, 2023

Summary: There's a historic heat wave in Hidariwakibara, and some of our favorite PK Academy students end up running into each other while taking refuge from the hot weather.

A series of four standalone (but connected) stories taking place at the same time:

Aiura has a vision of disaster, and she and Nendou try to stop it

Yumehara gives Toritsuka some advice to improve his game

Akechi meets Teruhashi's brother

Saiki really wants some shaved ice from the kakigori stand where Mera is working

[Notes: The summary explains it well but also I weaved so many connections between the chapters (that are all happening at roughly the same time). It was also a lot of fun writing interactions between characters that didn't get much in canon. Also you can tell it was hot as hell when I wrote it because I definitely gave Saiki some kind of psychic heat intolerance lol]

Immunity

Published July 6, 2023

Summary: She didn't know why, but Kokomi was finally able to see the truth.

Why Saiki seemed to appear and disappear without explanation. Why it seemed like he always knew what she was planning. Why he wore those weird hairpins.

It was all so obvious now.

Saiki had psychic powers.

[Notes: The veil is lifted suddenly and all the truths that Saiki kept locked behind his mind control were revealed to Teruhashi. He and Aiura have a chat with her about it. Also this was the first fic of mine that an IRL friend read (to my knowledge) and his comment was something like "I don't know anything about your boy but he sounds autistic and gnc" and I took that as a fucking compliment! You know you've written Saiki right when people can see that shit from space]

The Disastrous Financial Situation of Saiki K

Published August 9, 2023 (IN PROGRESS)

Summary: Adjusting to his new limitations has been annoying, and now Kusuo (age 31) needs a car to get around.

Unfortunately, taking time off work has drained his savings.

How is he going to get the money for a car now?

[Notes: This is my sequel to Friendly Fire but it's a lot lighter in nature. 100-Yen-Man goes around doing stuff for Saiki's friends. There are mentions of his disability from Friendly Fire and it's plot relevant but I think you can catch on even if you didn't read the original. I haven't updated in a while but I am actively working on it!! A Yumehara and Makino chapter next and then a Toritsuka chapter after that. TBH this isn't my best work and it's pretty unpopular but I'm having fun and that's all that counts)

[melon-colli]

Yapping about Inscryption

Just 'finished' (that's in quotes cause I'm not convinced that the games not DONE done) Inscryption and overall I really enjoyed it! I stopped live blogging after a certain point so heres a post to get those out.

!Spoilers for the whole game under the cut!

>I wasn't too sure about the art style change in Act 2 at first, and the fact that I was dog water at the new card mechanics didn't help, but it really grew on me and so did the new gameplay!

>The other scrybes were really interesting, there wasn't a single one I found boring. If I had to rank them I'd go Leshy<Grimora/P03<Magnificus. Grim and P03 only occupy the same space because I love them both equally.

LUKE CARDER INTERLUDE

>He's so quirky! Love him! Seriously though he was an endearing main character, truly creepypasta protag material. Seeing him get shot in the end really caught me off guard, and honestly shook me a little. Idk but why I didn't expect him to die, especially like that. Expected like a computer monster birthed from the old disk to get him, not for the GameFuna rep to cap him in the face. Had my chest tight for a second. Anyways rip bro, raising my mantis god to the sky.

>As for Act 3, I liked it! P03 is such a delightful dickhead, who I just know would be so annoying about Pokemon natures. Botopia was less immersive than Leshy's campaign, and I like what that says about P03's character, who cares way more about gameplay. This chapter's talking cards have my heart. Lonely Wizard specifically, but Angler was nice for the 5 minutes I knew him. (I traded him for another card specifically because he said 'choose me'. Sorry man I thought you had a plan)

>Obligatory Goobert Mention. Great guy, glad his pain was lessened by the tubes. Idk why you still want to go back to Magnificus, but I wont tell you what to do.

>The Uber bot bosses were still pretty interesting for a bot who supposedly doesn't care much abt crafting characters. I made my own special hell for the Make-your-own boss. Where for every dead card, another is drawn. P03 tried to stop me multiple times, but I was determined. For phase two I just chose leap bots for every dead card. Silly boss. Golly was also a sweetheart, loved the mole. As for the scribe Uberbot, the file deletion threat didn't get me nearly as bad since I came off of Kinitopet and knew the game couldn't actually do something like that and be on steam, but it still had me a little nervous lol (cause like what if it did?).

I got weirdly giddy at the prospect of finding the pelt man again. Idk why because I despised him in Act 1, Got a few pelts but never actually found him. Got scammed at the mart cause I thought buying the pelt would make him show up lol.

>Falling into the factory and seeing the 3 scribes just standing there scared me a little, thought they were gonna jump me.

>After that part, going back to P03 knowing what's going to happen, I felt a bit bad. At first. Sure P03's a smug jerk, but it just wanted to be free right? The walk back when it's reminiscing about the game amped this feeling up, but I love that the game yanked the rug from under me and went 'yeah no this puter just sucks' once it starts gloating. Lol. lmao. Also I didn't expect Leshy to just rip its head off wtf bro.

>Saying goodbye to everyone at the end was sad. Having one last game with the Scrybes was so bittersweet. Grimora's game was interesting, and its a crime we didn't have time for a boss battle. Leshy. Leshy I love you so much. I like that Magnificus wasn't going gentle into that good night at first, but his insistence to keep going lost him the chance to shake our hand. I was never super into his play style, but his game was really cool looking, even if im not super into that stuff. (I know the arm thing had something to do with Yugi-oh but I know nothing abt it sorry).

>The lead up to unzipping the Old Code was done so well. Grimora may have nuked the game to get rid of it, but Luke's curiosity still doomed him in the end. The totem lady's last words before we found it were quite unsettling. I don't know what was on that zip, but whatever it was clearly messed Luke up.

>I loved the ending of the game. Already talked about it in the Luke section, but it was so abrupt and final. Idk what I expected but I knew it was over when Luke opened the door for the Funa rep. Rip.

Overall, 10/10 game. There's still something called Kaycees mod for me to do, but all in all I really enjoyed it!

[knee-stockings]

So I’ve been listening to lots of podcasts at work lately to break up the monotony of my office job. Mainly they’re horror, suspense/thriller, drama, that kind of thing. Trying to give ratings without spoilers~

(Check out updated pod recs here)

The Left Right Game (a journalist investigating an urban legend that gets increasingly more dangerous as they go): 5/5, this being one of the first ones I listened to set the bar really high tbh, it was great, immersive sound design, genuinely suspenseful and creepy moments, interesting plot, my only gripe is that I didn’t love the ending but I couldn’t dock a star just for that, highly recommend, maybe I’ll retire to Wintry Bay someday 

Alice Isn’t Dead (delivery trucker goes searching for her believed dead wife, comes across supernatural towns and creatures and a conspiracy that goes way deeper than one missing woman): 5/5, so so good, enjoyed a lot, I loved learning the truth about the Thistle men, still don’t completely understand oracles but that’s okay, some delightfully creepy moments, this will be high on my recommendation list (also it’s by the Welcome to Night Vale people, which I actually haven’t listened to lmao)

Harley Quinn and the Joker: Sound Mind (it’s a Harley Quinn origin story basically): 5/5, very enjoyable, sound design great, plot was fun, I don’t know how accurate this story is to the original Harley Quinn origin story but I liked this a lot

The Burned Photo (two women try to fight a familial curse haunting their bloodlines): 4/5, not bad at all, I thought the sound design was great and immersive but I thought the monster’s voice was a bit goofy idk, the plot wasn’t bad though ofc it was pretty bittersweet and sad in the end, tho I think it was never going to be happy for everyone involved

Blackwood (group of teens investigate the town urban legend and uncover more than they bargained for): I can’t decide…3.5 maybe? It was okay. I didn’t love it or hate it, I’m pretty neutral about it. It was interesting enough

Gaslight (girl goes missing and then reappears to her best friend years later with little explanation): 3/5, feels like there should be another season, wasn’t as dramatic/suspenseful as I thought it would be (maybe that’s my own fault tho, from the description and stuff I thought there would be more to it)

Ice-Cream (teens suspect the friendly neighborhood ice cream man of abducting little kids and uncover a dark secret): 4.5/5, interesting and a lil creepy, there’s something oddly funny about hearing someone scream “fuck you Beelzebub” even in context, sound design is pretty good and voice acting is great, finale was also pretty good but I’m docking half a star bc of that very last bit and bc I said so, overall short n’ sweet, no pun intendo (I’m kinda glad that it’s only the one season and not super long, gives the feeling of not overstaying its welcome. Also in awe that they made it within like a month, gonna go listen to their other podcast Cascadia too)

Cascadia (submarine expedition to uncharted waters, gone wrong, we almost died!?): 5/5, by the Ice-Cream people so I expected great sound design and voice acting and said expectations were met tbh, yes god love the drama, ocean depths are inherently scary to me so this is top tier horror, season one was chef’s kiss beautiful and I heard season 2 is coming so I’ll be waiting eagerly for that

Listening now:

Within the Wires (season 1 is relaxation cassette tapes from another world, season 2 is a guided museum tour I think): also by the WTNV people, interesting so far, the plot that unfolded in the first season was cool to watch as it played out, but also I am so sad. I like it so far

Rabbits (girl goes searching for her friend who disappeared because of this mysterious Rabbits game): feels like a really slow start after a few episodes, I kinda wanna get to more action soon please

Wake of Corrosion (apocalypse where characters are trying to find other survivors and also answers): mild shrug, not sure what to make of it just yet. Only like 2 episodes in so I think I need to give it a bit

Ars Paradoxica (scientist accidentally invents time travel and is thrown back to the 1940s): pretty interesting so far, science is fun 

Spoiler comment for Cascadia under the cut bc it's the one I just finished and I have Thoughts

As much as I enjoyed Cascadia, when I think about the expedition for more than 2 seconds I get confused. Not the whole alien thing, that’s fine, it’s Badger and Maria and their ulterior motives. Why in the world did Badger spend millions of dollars to make a submarine that’s faulty on purpose? And there was so much media coverage around it so the second something went wrong reporters were practically beating him over the head with microphones, so why risk so much bad press? Plus sacrificing three other talented divers who trusted him with their lives??? That’s the most confusing to me. There’s no way Badger foresaw them getting attacked underwater and losing Declan alone, so he must have been fully prepared to lose captain AND crew. Holden said that he saw Badger as a father, and yet he chose Holden to die? He said he handpicked them, so what did Holden, Alia, or Iris ever do to him to deserve being sent on a suicide mission? Doing all this just to get rid of Declan and be with Maria doesn’t feel right. Feels like there should be something more there. Tldr: surely Badger had another reason for conducting the suicide mission, right? Also since season 2 starts with Lila all grown up, a diver just like her father, I wanna know her opinions of her mother and of Badger. Did she learn about her mother’s betrayal? Is Badger still involved in funding deep sea diving or did the FBI take him out of that? Omg who’s the father of her little sibling…I’m so curious…

[rochenn]

silly question but do you have any dooku fic recs. i'm desperate 😭

YES of course! sorry if you've read any of these already but i'm just linking the ones that came to mind :'D

i have lived with shades so long [55k, incomplete] by blackkat

reading this right now! super interesting and original premise of dooku being a delightful (manipulative?) grandpa to feemor. this fic has some niche pairings and characters going on but oh boy am i invested!

faith [4k, complete] by @h1myname1sv

i'm just in awe of how someone can manage to believably make dooku turn around in such a short story. lineage drama, force ghost qui-gon, what more could you ever want?

fics by @legobiwan that eat me alive:

divergences [125k, incomplete]

slow burn of obi-wan being drawn to dooku's cause and the dark side. this is the fic that sold me on dark!obi-wan. his descent feels so narratively earned here! his dynamic with dooku is absolutely delicious, too.

forward motion [8k, complete]

hung [91k, incomplete]

INTRIGUING concept. qui-gon gets unwittingly resurrected by dooku during the clone wars. just a total blast if you want lineage drama and a healthy scoop of angst!

dooku contemplating his life in the moment of his death. delightful read, so bittersweet and sad, and a great look into his psyche. also, rael averross is in it!!

-

three days of thawing [15k, complete] by @prahacat

NO66 au in which dooku is banished to a remote planet after tcw. just such a gorgeous and calming read! wonderful introspection and great use of setting. there's also implied past dooku/obi-wan in case that is or isn't your cup of tea

broken cadence [16k, complete] by ruth baulding

currently in the middle of this one. dooku is a cruel asshole in this but i love him for it <3

nobody's pawn [2k, complete] by ilyena_sylph, Merfilly

dooku doesn't let himself get betrayed aboard the invisible hand. it's part of a 10-part series that i haven't read completely yet, but so far i am very entertained!

can't return to who i was before [82k, complete] by K_R_Closson

this one is really popular. i love it a lot. time travel fix-it in which post-ANH obi-wan wakes up as an initiate and ends up as dooku's padawan. so good!!

anyway! everyone can feel free to add on to this list, i am always frothing at the mouth for new recs as well :'D

[floatybug]

I keep bumping into people online claiming that Nimona comic was like soo terrible compared to the movie, that it was "poorly plotted" and "ugly" art-wise, and what the fuck is up with that. These people sound like they hadn't read the comic at all, and even if they did and didn't like it, that's Alright but nobody gives you the right to harass the novel fans who say they liked the comic book ending more or that the "happily ever aftering" disappointed them. The movie is Very different and I myself like the book ending because there's so few good tragedies that give me this feeling of "sometimes you just have to accept the good and the bad and move on". I really wish people understood the importance of these stories instead of claiming that everyone who didn't enjoy the happily ever after is "homophobic" (ahem I'm queer and trans and this movie made me feel seen, and I still will come back to the book more often than the movie, unless I'm in a very specific mood for a happily ever after that I Wish these characters could have in the book, but they COULDN'T. That's the fucking point.)

It's not just about the way the movie ends, it's about the way it differs from the original book and the message that book had. That's what some people didn't like. I myself think it's great to have two messages with these characters. We can appreciate the tragedy of the novel (TRAGEDIES ARE IMPORTANT AND CATHARTIC AND NOT JUST EMOTIONAL SADISM) and we can smile at the movie's ending which is what we all Want but realistically right now we Can't have. Both have their meaning to different people. Both are important. I love both in different ways. I'm happy the movie came out. I just wish some movie fans would stop ruining the fun for the book fans by calling the novel really unjustified words. It means so much to us and it found a lot of us in very dark times, and to be impolite for a second, if I had some wee punk tell me that the book sucks and is pointlessly sad and the art is bad while they were in one room with me and not online, I would start a physical fight and not regret it at all. The book was my suppressed anger relief and my quiet subtly queer childhood when I was 14. Many people will have the movie as their openly queer childhood. But if any of you think it's okay to disrespect what others hold dear because you don't enjoy it or dislike the art, You Suck As A Person. Grow The Fuck Up.

Another thing, ND started making Nimona as a webcomic, in art school, as a way to share feelings he didn't know how to deal with. He was a regular artist telling his story. I repeat. HE WAS A REGULAR ARTIST. Like many people on this goddamn website. It's okay to dislike things, but calling Nimona the comic poorly plotted or ugly is how you kill the young indie artists' desire to share their personal stories. Styles are subjective, feelings are messy, and if you don't like either of those things and want to be super mean abt it, first of all you're really limiting yourself and will miss so many wonderful and thoughtful works, and secondly IT'S OKAY TO JUST QUIETLY WALK AWAY. And also, excuse you, this book is what gave us the movie. Maybe don't show this level of disrespect, if you can't show respect?

Edit: i got very into the respect for imperfect endings thing But i think it's important to say that the book ending actually doesn't fit the description of tragedy, it's just how I view it in my relation to Nimona's anger, but it's actually very hopeful and the characters Do find love and things are looking up for them in the book! It's not a typical happily ever after but that doesn't mean it's just pure suffering. We have the word bittersweet for that

[toodrasticallydumb]

20 questions for fic writers

Oh! Hello! I was tagged by @pinkytoothlesso11 ! Thanks for thinking of me pinky! I’m kinda new to the whole fanfic scene so i really appreciate it! This was already a long list of questions to begin with but i fear i may have made it worse…

OH WELL HAVE FUN SPORT :}>

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Unfortunately just 2, though I do plan to add a few more in the future as ideas flow. Might take me a minute ‘cause my schedule is just a little bit kinda sorta really swamped down with my main child which requires let me you, A LOT OF CARE DONT SIGN UP TO ADOPT KIDS PEOPLE IT’S NOT—

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Phew. ummmm it changes very rapidly (because i’m a girl w suspected adhd and can NEVER be told to shut up) with every chapter but as of this moment is 228,665! wow! i don’t really know how great of a number that is but i’m sure it’s a lot! I told you I can never shut up! (-whispers- Hey kid, u want some dRuGs? i mean- an update? That itty bitty word count is about to take another not regularly scheduled mini-skyrocket so get ready for it ehehe ;})

3. What fandoms do you write for?

For now, just Trollhunters/Tales of Arcadia, mainly Trollhunters despite the fact that the first of the Tales of Arcadia shows that i watched and really enjoyed was actually 3-Below, but oh well my man is in Trollhunters sooooo oopsie but i DO have some random snippets of fics for Miraculous (rewrite), the Star Wars sequels (rewrite), Batman, some for the Dream SMP, and weirdly enough also Raya and the Last Dragon (rewrite). All of which i prolly wont ever post because i wrote them a while ago and yeaaaahhh not my best writing but if i get enough people other than my best friend wanting me to post them, i might…

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

uhhhh i dont actually HAVE five fics to my name, so i’ll just…put em in order (w their long-ahh title names):

Trollhunter!Strickler: Destiny's Ill-fitted Chosen

'A MiStAkE' because I haven't updated in ages--A Stricklake month 2023 prompt collection

but i am so happy for the people who have left so many kudos on my work it really warms mah little heart ❤️

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. At first, I sorta struggled with it (who the heck am i kidding i STILL do) but since my fic USED to be two times a week updates i would feel like i couldn’t respond to a comment left after i posted a new chapter so i might’ve left some comments in the earlier days unanswered, super sorry. Nowadays i make it a point to reply back to everyone in the order that they commented in because (anxiety makes me think if i don’t respond they won’t comment anymore and know that i love reading their comments and that they’re so amazing for actually taking the time to write something back AND I DO LOVE IT I PROMISE IT JUST TAKES ME A WHILE TO RESPOND—) …because it’s pretty chill to geek out w em and see they liked stuff that i loved to write! I do have a backlog of comments to get to i just end up overthinking everything to match the person’s energy to be sure they know i love em.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Unfortunately, i haven’t actually finished a fully-fledged fic to say it has the angstiest ending bUt definitely a contender would be chapter 1 of my 2023 Stricklake prompt collection because i just leave it on the sad note and don’t do anything about it because angst and because spoilers for my actual story fic that will eventually make it to that point.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Happiest ending, huh? I like to say that most of the things i will/have chosen to write end happy/hopeful because i hate when books/tv shows end bittersweetly it’s like i have enough with life itself being bittersweet most of the time let me be happy LET THEM BE HAPPY. But that doesn’t exclude me from providing the proper banquet of angst that ends in caretaking, my absolute favorite trope.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Oh heck no. I would be devastated honestly, but thankfully everyone who comments is always the sweetest and kindest people ever and really encourage me to keep going, for that i am only thankful.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Just no. I love romance but i am a minor, so i’ve never consumed smut nor intend to ever write it. Give me a soft romance and loving gestures, I can allude to greater happenings but not details.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don’t, sorry. I don’t know something in me just doesn’t sit well with crossovers, for the life of me I don’t know why. Like genuinely i wish i could get into them but maybe it’s like food on a plate? i don’t like the foods touching each other so maybe the same rules apply??? yeah i’m drasticallydumb

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that i know of, no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t believe so, and if someone did they’re in for a heck of a lot of work there…

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I’d like to sometime but i have no idea how one even goes about making a co-written fic, on top of which i am a very sporadic person in terms of motivation and random ideas produced by a song i’m listening to while writing.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Stricklake obviously is a really big contender if not the winner, the ship that brought me to AO3, writing fanfics, and tumblr. But, if i had to pick other options i’d say Eugene and Repunzel from Tangled would be one of my ogs, another might be uhhh Chris and Aviva from Wild Kratts the og of the ogs.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Chapter 3 of my stricklake 2023 prompt collection, it just has a lot of moving parts and me and my best friend are chronic procrastinators and with the month pretty far gone it might just end up sittin’ there for the foreseeable future 😞 but who knows

16. What are your writing strengths?

Phew, that’s a dozy mainly because i’m not super sure. I’d like to think one of my main strengths is descriptions and really putting you in the mind of the character, i don’t really like spelling things out and i like a little investigating to get you where u end up, u know? I like to think my writing FEELS a little more like a show on a page rather than a true book, most to blame would be my maladaptive daydreaming taking up a lot of time in my planning for my writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ah. How the turn tables. I would say that my weaknesses in writing mostly consist of me going a little *too* far into detail on meaningless things or making it too convoluted for people to understand, sometimes spelling it out is better in certain scenarios and i just really need to get myself past that. Another one i would say is that i go REALLY into detail not only in a sentence/chapter sense but also a complete STORYLINE sense, i hate time skips and i shoot myself in the foot wanting to completely document every moment of everyday w a character and hence it seems like a lot of time in universe hasn’t gone by. Trying to improve and grow tho 💪

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Can’t wait to do more of it! Especially with Claire and her family (including NotEnrique) speaking spanglish w each other automatically mainly because i am hispanic and completely fluent in Spanish and live in a similar household so i just love to add a little ✨personalization✨ to my dialogue and interactions in that way. Other languages………….yeaaaahhh i’m not super good will prolly use google translate and hope.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Trollhunters, my gateway into AO3. HOWEVER. if you promise not to tell, the very first fandom i read/wanted to write a fanfic for was actually, as far as i can tell, Wordgirl. don’t ask why. don’t ask me how. it just kinda happened. But, officially, it’s Trollhunters. (maybe with a side of Warrior Cats).

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Not hard at all! My pride and joy, my youngest baby in the grand scheme of my writing journey, Trollhunter!Strickler: Destiny's Ill-fitted Chosen! A surprise to absolutely NO ONE. It’s honestly so amazing to both write and see people read and enjoy as much as I do, he’s my little man ❤️ And doing so much rewriting and character growth and having so much written and planned for the future, it’s just my absolute fav

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

2023 Movie Journey #4: All The Bright Places

all the bright places. every time i tried to start writing this review in my head, i hit a wall, because this movie was so good in some ways and then it was just totally ruined for me by how it ended, and i’m still upset about that. like, a man called otto left me feeling freaked out and as though the movie wasn’t for me, but it’s much rarer for a movie to leave me feeling primarily frustration. so if you don’t want to read a rant post, skip this one.

i watched this with @actuallylukedanes​ on the anniversary of kinnie’s death. we planned in advance to play minecraft dungeons and watch a movie, and i chose this one from the three options off our watchlist that they offered, because while i didn’t know anything about the plot, it seemed less dark than the other two choices and that felt best for a sad day. i mean, the poster gives the vibe of a bittersweet YA romance, like a story where one of the kids has cancer or something...but it also looks happy and i love both elle fanning and justice smith a lot. 

it was therefore pretty alarming when the movie opens and we see him stop her from possible suicide. not what i expected! but i loved his character right away, with the way he initially seemed adhd-ish and then later on was giving off major bipolar signals. so i enjoyed watching him try and draw her back into the world. the actors had great chemistry and did good work, and while some of the plot threads (like the school counselor) were predictable and didn’t add much to the story for me, it was moving along as a sweet, complicated teen romance. 

spoiler alert for a movie from two years ago...but THEN HE DIES. as we were nearing the end of the film, leander and i were agreeing that things felt very doomlike, as if death was coming for someone as the conflict increased. but i still wasn’t prepared for it, because i loved his character and i just didn’t want that. and obviously i can’t expect movies to do what i want all the time, but in this case what upset me most was how his death changed the whole movie. 

after he dies, we see her mourn very briefly, but then the movie ends on a long uplifting monologue and montage where she talks about how he taught her so much, but she didn’t learn to see what he was going through. and as she talks about the lesson he left her with, about finding brightness in dark places (hi movie title) we’re seeing her connect with her family, her best friend, his friends who apparently are also very uplifted immediately after his death, and revisiting places that remind her of him. 

mostly, she just looks happy, which befits the super-uplifting and optimistic ending. but i’m still upset about it, like i said, because it created a tone i find totally nonsensical. he ‘saved’ her from the dark place she was in, and she couldn’t do the same for him, but rather than spend too much time dwelling on that and how she was oblivious to his needs/struggle on such a major level and how upsetting that is...the movie pivots as fast as it can to emphasize how much he improved her life as though that’s what we should care about. 

basically, while i was watching the movie i thought i was watching a teen romance full of drama because they both had serious emotional issues to work through. but the end of the movie turned it instead into a teen coming of age story in which the main character works through her issues thanks to a damaged boy who wants to help...and then he dies instead of getting to work through his own issues because it turns out he was never as important as her and we shouldn’t have expected him to get the same amount of growth and potential.

the fact that he existed in the story just to help and change her and then also give her more growth by dying was even more unsettling to me given that she’s white and he’s black. as a white viewer, i never know how to interpret dynamics that make me concerned and uncomfortable that way, like maybe i’m missing something and it’s not as gross as it seemed on that level--but it felt that way to me. given all of the above, i didn’t end up liking this one and wouldn’t recommend it. if the moral of the story had seemed less confused in the end, i might have a different take on it.

[oshikiri-toru]

Tag game for fic writers

Thanks @sergeantwoods for the tag <33

1.) How many works?

On my current AO3 it's 22 (+1 anonymous post) if we're counting old old fics probably ~30

2.) Total word count?

Currently 294,024 😩 and that's not counting the 10k in wips I have rn. Idek how that's possible it hasn't been a year yet

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

Right now (and probably for a long long while) it's just COD. Specifically MW reboot, but I've thought about dabbling in black ops or wwii

4.) Top 5 fics by kudos?

- You've Got My Body, Flesh, and Bone

- Close Friends Only

- High Tide

- Red String of Fate is Tangling

- It's Better When It Feels Wrong

5.) Do you respond to comments?

Mostly no. I'm too paranoid and anxious most of the time 😰. I try to answer questions or respond to people who inspired/are inspired by my work but regular compliments are scary (love getting them tho)

6.) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm not a fan of mcd or no comfort for Ghoap, so nothing that sad. I guess "Solar Eclipse". Sort of bittersweet with how much therapy they're going to need after that (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

7.) Fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh God, there's a lot. If I had to choose?? Maybe "Forever Ain't Half the Time (I Want to Spend With You)" that's just some good old fluff all the way through!

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten unsolicited constructive criticism, passive aggressive comments, and that one guest with the racist username, but nothing explicit towards me.

9.) Do you write smut?

Plenty of pwp. They're usually my quick palate cleansers between plot-driven stories since they are a bit easier for me to write.

10.) Craziest crossover?

No real crossovers, but I have a Fire Emblem AU going if that counts ┐⁠(⁠´⁠ー⁠｀⁠)⁠┌

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, thankfully.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

No :( that would be so cool, though.

13.) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but that sounds so fun :(

14.) All time favorite ship?

I don't know what Activision put in Ghoap?? But they are like crack cocaine for me. Genuinely never been this obsessed with a ship. Only thing sorta close was Ranpoe from bsd

15.) What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I mean, my baseball AU isn't much more than some disconnected ideas, but I don't think I'll ever get to write it. I'm so not good with super long fics, my fe AU is already stressing me out

16.) What are your writing strengths?

Um, I've been told my dialogue and characterization is really good. My favorite compliment is always how I make the characters seem real :D personally, I put a lot of focus into pacing so I hope that's good LMAO

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not that great with flowery language :( I always love seeing how some writers can create beautiful prose, amazing imagery, and outstanding figurative language, but my writing always feels somewhat straightforward in comparison :/

18.) Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I don't hate it, but I don't try to include it too much. Singular words here or there that can be inferred without translation (nicknames/terms of endearment/curses) are all I'll usually do. I feel like having long strips of another language that someone needs to translate to understand breaks up the flow and pacing too much for my tastes. Usually, I just mention it's in another language. (Also don't want to embarrass myself in front of native speakers lol, that's why I don't do accents either)

19.) First fandom you wrote in?

Oh God please don't ask that... I think it was Creepypasta or Black Butler back in elementary school ಥ⁠_⁠ಥ

20.) Favorite fic you've written?

100% without a doubt 'I'm Your Home, You're My Home' I don't know what was in the water when I wrote it, but I don't know if I'll ever one-up it.

My favorite smut was definitely 'Late Night Ride Home' lmao. Perfectly catered to me 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ yessir

This was soo fun <33 thank you again Sarge!! :D I loved reading your responses!

I have no clue who to tag. Any of my fic writing mutuals that see this, feel free to hop on and tag me :) these are so fun to read

[emmym1]

My thoughts on... Black Widow 2020 afterword

This was an absolute incredible run, despite it being so short it delivers on so much. Amazing story, emotional and gutwrenching moments, incredible art, interesting characters. This run really has it all! I did not expect to love it as much as I ended up doing! I had quite high expectations on this run because I had heard so much praise about it and it still manages to beat all of them.

Seeing Nat's constant battle with grief and trauma was super interesting and it felt so real. The thoughts she was feeling, they were overwhelming, confusing, didn't always agree with each other. It was so intriguing to see her navigate all of that. Desperately trying to give what happened to her a place, but in the end being unable to do that and just accepting that it'll be a part of her forever. Nat is such a tragic and bittersweet character. She's been through so much, had so many terrible things happen to her and yet she remains strong and good at heart no matter what absolute gutwrenching thing happens to her. And to me that is what makes her really interesting, seeing her navigate all that and still being able to be a hero, even if she does carry a lot of guilt, sadness and trauma within her. She still fights and never gives up even though those thoughts will always be with her. There is a kind of sad, melachonical and bittersweet feeling withing it. This girl who has been through so much and carries so much things with her that she'll never get rid of while still trying her best to be stronger and better, and still the worst still happens to her and even then she just pushes through. Is able to be this amazing hero who's just extremely cool and badass. No matter how painful or terrible it is, no matter if she can put it behind her or has to accept she'll be carrying those feelings forever. It's incredible how strong she is not only physically but also mentally. It's also these aspects that really made me look up to and love the character in the mcu so much. And I will say this run really reminded me of the reasons why I like her as a character so much. It was great to reconnect with that. The first arc of this run really left me speechless. I did not expect it to hit me so hard. It was such a gutwrenching story that was executed so well with some of the best art i've seen. Seeing Nat breakdown in front of Bucky will be a moment I'll always remember from this run because of how much impact it had. That entire first arc was perfect really, some of the best comics i've ever read! The other two arcs were also really strong although they do kind of suffer in the end as it really feels as if this run ended before they could properly explore those storylines. Although I do feel they were able to close off the Apogee arc pretty well for the given timeframe. The Living Blade sadly wasn't able to get a solid conclusion. I really hope they'll explore it somewhere in the future as there is a lot of interesting ways they could explore what his deal is. Same goes for Lucy, she was a pretty interesting addition but It felt like they never were really able to scratch what lies beyond the surface when it comes to her. I hope they're able to do that at some point because there is so much directions you could take her character in to. I absolutely loved the team Nat assembled in this run. I really didn't expect Spider-Girl to fit in so well within this team but they made it work so well. I absolutely love that she was in this, as she's a hero i've been dying to know and read more about ever since reading Web-Warriors (2015). Her dynamic with Lucy was also really fun. I wished Kate Bishop was a permanent addition to the team though. She was a lot of fun for the short period she showed up. Nat and Yelena's dynamic was also a highlight for me. Seeing them work together as a team and adjusting to that was so cool and they're just so badass together. Seeing them work as one in every battle was incredibly cool, especially with how the art visualized it. Speaking of the art, every page was just breathtaking! All the action panels had so much to them that you could find new things even after staring at them for 5 minutes! It's defintely some of the best if not the best art i've seen in a comicbook so far!

I also have to mention that I just absolutely love her new suit, like i was so obsessed with it. It's just her best look i've seen in the comics and it just fits the character so well. It's absolutely perfect! This run was absolutely phenominal and probably one of my favorite comics I've read so far. I had an absolute blast reading it start to finish. This run is pretty much an amazing all in package for everything you'd want out of a comicbook I feel (at least for me!). It made me feel a lot of emotions and just left me in awe multiple times, whether it'd be for the emotional moments or the amazing art. I loved the team Nat put together in this and the threats she was up against. I also love that I was able to learn so much about the comics side of Black Widow as a character. She's always been one of my all time favs in the mcu so I am so glad i got to read this run. It made me appreciate the character so much and really reminded my of why I loved the character so much in the mcu. I really hope they're able to revisit/continue this run at some point. It has so much untapped potential, especially with how strong the creative team for it is. And there are so many characters that are just waiting to be explored further, such as Lucy. But I am satisfied with what I got in these 15 issues. It was a short but sweet run that I'll always remember!