#the fuck do you mean jack is into dudes the fuck do you mean humans are gonna fuck aliens no matter the gender

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt: Dead on main. No trick only treat.

~~Сhildhood friends and deals~~

The Justice League has to summon a ghost from another dimension to address the threat. They don’t know what price the Ghost King will take but there’s little time to bargain. Another spirit threatening them has already seized all the computers on their base. John doesn’t know what else to offer. A summoned ghost starts to look bored. Gold, jewelry? A favor from a member of the League? Like the Ruler of All Dead needs it. No one dares to make another offer, and the King is in no hurry to set out his demands. Maybe try to pull off a soul sale scam?

Suddenly, Red Hood breaks into the hall, walks up to Phantom and shakes his shoulder vigorously. Red Hood: You, get Technus out of here right now. I need access to the files and fast. Phantom: That’s rude, dude. Where did you grow up? in the cave? No "hello, no how are you, Danny", really? Red Hood: I’ll pay the usual price. Phantom: Deal.

What is the price? John sees Batman and gets in his way. The usual price, his guy said. Means Jay was already out of the deal alive and well. This hyperprotective bat would only piss off the ruler if he interfered.

The King quickly deals with his subordinate using a thermos and remains to watch working Hood. Red Hood: What do you want? I’m busy. Danny: You and I have a contract~ Red Hood: All right, all right. Jay throws M&Ms right in the face of the ghost. But king doesn’t look angry. He opens the package and starts sorting the candies by color. Phantom quickly eats up all the green ones and passes the red ones to Hood. Jason takes them without any questions.

Strange. John has never seen a summoned creature share its reward with a human. And the son of a bat looks too comfortable with it. Wait, since when do super-powered beings think that candy is a decent wage?John makes one of the most likely deductions using his experience. Constantine: Batsy, how long has your son been sleeping with the King of Ghosts? Batman: He…what?!

~~~~~~~

Dick *knocking at the door*: Little Wing, you hate ectoplasm and everything what is neon green, so why? He’s dangerous! Jason who turned on the music to not listen to his crazy family: ~He’s poison but tasty~

Dick: NoOOoo

~~~~~~

Jason: And now everyone thinks that I sold my virginity to you for a bargain or something, because interdimensional creatures like you aren’t supposed to help for nothing. Like you’re playing favorites. I’m gonna fucking kill John. Danny: Well, I wouldn’t say no to that. Jason: What? Danny: I mean, to k-kill John, yeah. How dare he.. Jason: Omg, you’re still so terrible liar, Fenton.

Danny: Sorry :(

Jason: No. Say it again.

~~~~Twelve years ago~~~~ Maddie wasn’t thrilled to learn that Danny was trying to make friends with Todd’s son. Their neighbor was terrible. And his son was definitely a street rat and probably a juvenile delinquent. Maddie: Danny, honey, there’s got to be a reason this boy is talking to you. Even kids from the crime alley are always looking for a bargain they can make or a fool they can fool. Danny: But Jason is so cool! He knows so much about books and alleys and.. Maddie: But you don’t want to be a fool, do you? Danny: Okay, Mom, I get it.

So, if Danny wants a cool friend, he’s got to offer a bargain.

He didn’t have a lot of pocket money for every month but Jason needed it more anyway. And his lunch that Jack was picking for him was big enough for two and only bitten on Tuesdays. Nice. Jason: Do I understand correctly? You will pay me and give me food, and I, what? Protect you from bullies? Danny: No! I’m not weak, I don’t need to be protected. Just..maybe we could sit together at lunch and walk each other home sometimes? Jason: Nay Danny: But why? You want something else? Jason: Money’s fine but your homemade food is…strange. Danny: I can bring sweets if you want. Jason: Deal. 3 pop tarts for a joint lunch, a party size bag of M&Ms if you waste my time out of school.

~~~~

Sometimes they share sweets when they hang out but more often Jayson takes them home to save in case his parents have money problems. Sweets have a long shelf life stored and he may not be afraid to poison himself. Over time, candy becomes their currency and a secret language for all occasions. Need help without unnecessary questions? M&Ms. Problems with learning? Skittles. The question is about family? Snickers. There will be a serious conversation? Pop Tarts.

Jason: One snickers and a pack of gum. Danny: Yeah, Jason? What do you want? Jason: My mom wants to meet my friend. Come to lunch on Sunday. Danny: Okay, you managed to pay for my expensive services. Jason:…and you just lost the gum from the deal.

~~~~~~

Jason threw a package at Danny: Three pop tarts. We need to talk. Danny: All right? Jason: Why are you avoiding me all week?! Danny: Well, it’s just..you’re Wayne now. Jason. Still Todd. And what about that? Danny: You can hang out with the cooler guys now, I didn’t want to embarrass you. Jason: Bullshit! I’m still the street rat, and you’re trying to avoid our contract. me. And I don’t even need money from you anymore. What the hell? I thought you are my friend. Danny: And I am!

~~~~~~

Robin: What’s a schoolboy doing in an alley at night? Danny: Um, I…nothing? Don’t tell my parents, Mr. Robin sir. Robin: It will cost you so many Chunky Bars, you have no idea. Danny:...Jason? Jason: N-no. Danny: Damn yes. What are you doing in green shorts on the street at night?! Jason: Cosplay. Danny: Oh yeah? Then I’m just your hallucination. Don’t hesitate to ghost me. I’m going home, Disgrace In Pixie Boots, bye. Jason: fu%&c$#u

[respectthepetty]

Dunk and Joong could have offered me anything in 2024, and I would have taken it, gladly, no questions because my ass is a Jaidee fan first and a human second. But to hand me The Heart Killers? Oh! Let me list all the reasons y'all gonna hate me when this comes out.

Joong plays Khao's older brother

Khaotung is older than Joong, but in BL Land that doesn't matter because Khao is playing the hopeless romantic little brother while Joong is playing his stern older brother. Someone already wrote it was 10 Things I Hate About You/The Taming of the Shrew, and Shakespeare would be thrilled to know one of his masterpieces is getting the queer treatment and it's not Twelfth Night.

Dunk is playing the crazy seducer

Boy wants a car and is willing to go to great lengths to do it, including distracting some dude, so his buddy can play house with that dude's little brother. But the whole point is they had to find a guy who was crazy enough to accept the offer in the first place >insert Dunk's character< so the guy isn't just wanting the car. He is doing this for the thrill of getting tied up, stripped down, and threatened.

And I respect that.

Jojo is apparently directing

I wanna have beef with Jojo after Only Friends, then I look at his resume and remember this is the man who gave me puppy play in The Warp Effect, poly in 3 Will Be Free, and a chaotic stripper named Judo in Dirty Laundry PLUS the YinWar trailer for their Partner in Crime concert which has now lead to YinWar doing Jack & Joker, so as a vegetarian, I'm gonna be like Elsa and let that go.

Which means Rath is probably the cinematographer

I don't give men compliments easily, so when I state that Cinematographer Rath has never disappointed me, I mean it. The man knows what he is doing, and if he is in on this series, I know if anything, it will be visually stunning.

First and Khao being the Beyonce of GMMTV

I'm in Jaidee's corner always, but I have eyes and First and Khao could really do whatever they want and I'd eat it up. I have believed them with whomever they have been partnered with in the past, and if they want to play high schoolers in an oppressed school system or a banker willing to see his ex and his ex's new man just to flirt with the boy from the market, I'm buying the tickets, I'm sitting in the front row, and I'm holding up homemade posters. Basically, I'm shutting the fuck up and experiencing whatever they want me to experience.

First and Khao tears

This is its own category because when they cry, they are in a league of their own. They claimed this series was going to be lighter than their previous work, but what is a First or Khao series without tears? I hope they are drinking water right now because someone is crying in this series, and JD's faces are already wet for other reasons.

DUNK'S BODY!

Not to objectify the man's body, but . . . it's a banger, and he has been done dirty by wardrobe for two solid years. His face card never declines. His arms are solid. His waist is snatched. His hair is perfect. Even Tay, New, and Jan were talking about him in the BTS for Peaceful Property because they were saying how New's character was based off of Dunk - pretty, fashionable, and COCKY! But wouldn't we all be that cocky if we were walking around looking like this?! Like shut up fives. A ten is speaking!

It's high time that man got to stunt like Force always does just taking off his shirt for no reason. Good for him. And good for us.

Oh, yeah, and the plot

Sorry, I mean the plot.

SHIT, THE PLOT!

You know what? Nah. I honestly do not give a fuck about the plot. Joong and Khao are hired killers. First is out to get them. Dunk gets involved (although, I think he knows a lot more than he leads on), and . . .

All will end well.

Because if anything, Jojo ain't never been allergic to a happy ending *wink*

So just know this show hit its target audience

ME!

¡Salud!

[opennwindows]

May I request a smoll eyeless jack x f reader nsfw story? Or headcanons?

eyeless jack x fem reader NSFW hcs

cw: 18+ content, medical kink, breeding kink, biting, blood, kinda disrespecting boundaries?? kinda not??, afab fem aligned reader

a/n: hey let’s all ignore my wildly different formatting for each post until i figure out wtf i’m doing lmfao. i decided to do hcs for this since i enjoy rambling and i have a couple fics already lined up and those take significantly longer for me to write!! i hope that’s okay anon, i just want to get more stuff posted :) also i threw a bunch of random ideas together for this so if you’d like anything else more specific please req again!

sooo we all know eyeless jack is a demon, right? to say dude is into some freaky shit would be an understatement.

- jack has a higher sex drive than most due to his demon tendencies. pair that with the rush he gets after a good evening of organ harvesting and you’re in for a Very Long Night. his stamina is also no joke.

- wear a short skirt? it’s getting cut off with his scalpel. accidentally slice your finger while chopping vegetables? well you better turn off the stove because he’s bending you over it. he senses you’re ovulating? he’s fucking you twice as much.

- if you’re into medical play and getting cut up with surgery tools he will be over the moon.

- if not, you’re gonna have to have a sit down talk with jack. he will do his best, but he can end up viewing you as just a lowly human at times. you’re gonna have to put your foot down sternly to fully gain his respect. he cares about your boundaries (somewhat), it just takes a minute to get through to his human side.

- on that note, don’t even dream of dominating him. he’ll laugh in your face and restrain you if the idea even crosses your mind. the thought of a weaker being telling him what to do during sex is comical to jack. he might let you ride him if he’s feeling lazy, but his clawed hands will be gripped around your waist as a silent reminder of who’s in charge.

- he’s into degradation. not the typical “you’re a whore” shit. no, this guy will take every chance to remind you that you’re just a fragile little human that’s only breathing because he lets you. if you feed into his ego, jack will reward you with his face between your thighs for hours.

- ooh let me take a moment to talk about this monster’s tongue. godly is an ironic term to describe anything involving jack but it’s the only fitting word. it’s long, slightly textured, quick and strong. he looooves to edge you until you inevitably break and the only words you can form are broken pleas. you’re gonna have to pry him off of you during your periods. he’s a little nasty

- jack will pretty much refuse to cum anywhere that isn’t inside you or your mouth. during sex, he tends to fully give into his animalistic demon qualities. meaning the only thing running through his mind is ‘breed, breed, breed.’

- big corruption kink. like MASSIVE. i think all the pastas have some form of corruption kink, but obviously the whole demon thing brings it to a new level. if you were a virgin when you met him, he’s gonna have to physically restrain himself from pouncing on you the second its brought up in conversation.

- let’s talk about positions. jack’s not really picky as long as he’s fucking your brains out but he does have a few favorites. mating press is almost always a winner since it feeds into his need to breed (i crack myself up). missionary is a classic that ensures he can have complete control. jack is also a fan of fucking on operating tables???? don’t ask me ask him, he’s odd. his least favorites involve 69, cowgirl, or pretty much anything that involves you on top of him. he doesn’t really get tired so doing all the work doesn’t bother him.

- will 100% spit in your mouth and he doesn’t care if you think it’s gross. get used to it sorry. if you’re into it then you’ve won.

- probably will throw a tantrum if he finds out you masturbated without him. he’s given you so much special attention and you still want more? well. he’s gonna fuck you so hard that you’ll be too sore to even think about touching yourself. i’m praying for you girl good luck.

- LOVES TO BITE ON YOUR CHEST AND NECK. i cannot stress this enough. and he WILL draw blood, i mean his mouth is full of sharp teeth so it’s basically a given. bro will be fucking you and straight up take a drink break FROM YOUR THROAT. be prepared to never show your neck or cleavage in public ever again. unless you’re into that. then you go girl, we’re all cheering for you.

- jack thinks it’s hilarious to say terrifying unsexy shit during sex. “i can’t wait to cut you open and eat those delicious kidneys that belong to me….” you just look at him with your mouth open. you’d be better off ignoring his annoying ass he (probably) doesn’t mean it.

[lordprettyflackotara]

Till Dawn || Eyeless Jack || part two

SMUT 18+, tw: unrealistic demon sex (sorry not sorry, MASSIVE breeding kink, mentions of eating organs (duh, it’s ej), some blood but nothing too crazy, size kink, all the things you’d expect from a fic with ej tbh

EJ avoided you like you had the black plague.

It’s not because he wanted to, not by any means.

In a perfect world he would be tangled in your bed sheets right now, not standing in his bedroom at the mansion.

One hand was keeping him steady from falling over, his hair sticking to his forehead from sweat. His breathing was jagged, from trying to ignore what he knew to be happening.

He tried to avoid the overwhelming feeling, the craving.

Because EJ knew without a shade of a doubt, he was in heat.

EJ’s heats came once a year, right around the beginning of summer. The first time it happened he thought he might explode, his urges almost landing him with a knife in his hand.

(Note to self: don’t try to fuck Jane).

The second summer he as more adjusted, the third even more so. He had grown accustomed of what was going to happen, to the extent where the members of mansion set up precautions for him.

Typically he would stock up on food, then lock himself into his medical lab as if he were a rabid dog.

The slightest movement or sound could make him go feral, the demon unable to control himself.

Every year this had worked, his heat dying down after about maybe a month.

But this year, was different. All because of you.

In previous years he had never had a mate, nor had he truly considered getting one. He thought humans to be too fragile. Not to mention the fact he didn’t know if it was scientifically possible to procreate with one. Which was exactly what his body was screaming at him to do.

You invaded every inch of his mind, his heat refusing to subside for even five minutes to allow him some peace.

EJ knew that if he were to allow himself to enter your town, it would be game over.

That he would be buried inside of you in mere minutes, not caring where you were. If everyone had to see him mate with you, so fucking be it. Logically, however, EJ knew these thoughts were absurd and insane. If he was going to ever see you again, he could not allow himself to see you during his heat.

Yet, he knew where you lived. He knew your schedule like the back of his hand. When you’d be at work, when you’d be at the gym, when you’d be home. In bed. Curled up into an adorable, fuckable ball. The thought sent a shiver down his spine.

A knock on the laboratory door snapped him out of his thoughts, the demon trudging towards the door. He unlocked it, staring down at his fellow resident, Jeff the killer. “Hey fuckface, Ben told me you were running low on food. Consider this a favor,” He said dryly. He held up a brown paper bag, oozing with blood and other unidentified bodily liquids. With one sniff EJ knew that inside of the bag was a heart. Not his favorite, but it’d do.

EJ lifted his arm slowly to grab it from him, muttering a thank you. He acted as if he were afraid to hurt Jeff, unsure of what he would do if the two interacted any way out of the ordinary. “Fuck dude, you don’t look good,” Jeff commented. Jacks hand flew to his face, realizing his mask had been discarded during one of his meltdowns. Out of instinct Jack bared his teeth, a low growl rumbling in his throat. His pale roommate raised his hands, signaling he didn’t mean harm.

“Not trying to get your panties in a wad, you just look worse for some reason this year,” Jeff explained. Truthfully his dark gray skin did look paler, his hair ruffled and sticking to his forehead from sweat. The last person on the face of this planet Jack wanted to admitted this to stood right in front of him. “There’s a girl,” Jack managed to huff out, his voice several octaves deeper then normal.

Jeff’s permanent smile curled even further upwards, producing a genuine one. “Well i’ll be damned, my Jacky boy has finally found a woman. Did you lose your v card yet?” Jeff asked. EJ would’ve rolled his eyes if he had them.

“Jeff.”

“Okay okay alright, well you’re in heat right? Why don’t you go see her?” The pale killer questioned. Millions of scenarios ran through EJ’s head, almost all of them ending with your organs in his hands. It wasn’t just breaking you that he was afraid of, but it was the unavoidable hunger that washed over him after fulfilling his filthy desires. “Human,” EJ managed to choke out, his mouth running dry. The word was something that his fellow residents cringed at, Jeff’s eyes going wide.

“Demon boy is entangled with a human? I must be in the twilight zone,” Jeff muttered. Out of all of the residents in the mansion, Jack was the most likely to break a humans bone by mistake. His strength was incomprehensible, EJ unaware of how harsh his touch could be. Jeff eyed his roommate carefully, evaluating his condition. He usually didn’t care to get involved in Jacks life, the demon preferring to live solo.

Yet, it was disheartening even for him to see EJ like this.

“Look there’s no point in wallowing in misery. There’s no guarantee you’d kill her,” Jeff said. His attempt to comfort EJ was poor, one that made Jack furrow his eyebrows. “Your heat is going to be fucking miserable if you don’t at least try dude, don’t be a pussy,” He stated bluntly. EJ furrowed his eyebrows, before nodding. He had to know. Could he control himself? Would you have him?

He could do it. He could find the will to focus on the lust and not the hunger. He could do it. For you.

EJ huffed in response, grabbing his shirt from a nearby dresser. Jeff put a hand up, stopping the demon in his tracks.

“Dude, take a shower.”

\/

Jack couldn’t get to you fast enough. He took several shortcuts to your house, even venturing as far as to run across several popular roads. He had to see you, to feel you. His body was engulfed in open flames, yours being the only way tame the fire. By the time he got to your house he was out of breath, unsure of how to approach you.

Faintly he could hear your heartbeat, the noise alone making him swallow. He had eaten the gift Jeff had given him before he left, ensuring to scrub every last bit of his mouth with a toothbrush once he was done. But the hunger that haunted EJ needed more than just an organ to be satisfied. Questions circled his mind, unsure of how to approach you. Should he knock on the door? Break in?

His gaze landed on the tree he had previously climbed, the large branch still conveniently in front of your window. Jack decided on the old fashioned way, climbing up the old oak tree. He got an odd sense of deja vu, warmth spreading through out his body at the sight of you. You were in bed, reading a book beside your nightstand lamp. You looked so peaceful, your attention completely engulfed.

EJ considered leaving, letting you continue your peaceful human life. That was, until he realized you were wearing his hoodie. Your legs were curled to the side, your chest concealed by the familiar cotton EJ wore everyday. Maybe it was for comfort? No, you missed him. You needed him. Maybe as badly as he needed you. It was in that moment he decided to be selfish, knocking on the glass.

Your eyes darted up, brightening at the sight of the demon crouching in front of your window. You tossed your book aside, running over to let him in. Your legs were bare, your soft skin exposed to him. There you stood, completely exposed to a six foot demon. And you dared to smile.

“Jack?”

EJ struggled to form any words, slipping into your room. He knew his presence alone was incredibly selfish. You were so small, his body towering over you without even trying. Your eyebrows furrowed, your head tilting to the side. “Jack? Are you okay?” You asked, your voice sounding so small. So soft. EJ couldn’t barely find it in himself to look at you, afraid of the urges that soared through his body.

“I’m in heat,” He managed to say, his voice sounding strained. You hesitantly grabbed his hand, guiding him to the bed. EJ sat down on the edge, purposefully holding his gaze to the floor. You sat down beside him, studying his intense posture. He was breathing deeply, veins poking out of his arms. “You’re… In heat? Like an animal?” You asked, seeking clarification. EJ nodded nervously, ashamed of the lewd confession.

It was as if he had never fucked you, with how embarrassed he felt.

“Okay so, what does that mean, um, exactly?”

Your words were so innocent.

He had to see your face.

He had to admire you.

From the moment he lifted his head, he was on you. In a swift motion he had pinned you to the bed, hovering over you. You smelled so fucking good, it was practically intoxicating. “I can’t control myself, I, I mean, I need-” EJ panted, struggling to find the words to explain his situation. He hadn’t needed to explain his heats to anyone in years, nevertheless a human girl. “You need to fuck something, right? And to cum?” You questioned.

Jack swallowed hard, your legs on either side of his waist. He could practically feel your core throbbing for him, his shaft growing harder in his pants. The sensation made him let out a low growl, before trying to swallow the sounds back down his throat. You had the gist of it, but he didn’t think you truly understood the danger you were in.

“I need to breed,” Jack stated, emphasizing the last word. Your small fingers curled under his mask, lifting it and tossing it aside. Your fingertips traced his jawline, the simple affection making his heart begin to race.

“So breed me then.”

Your words had sealed your fate.

His mouth was on your lips before you could process it, the tension growing hot and heavy within seconds. Jacks large hands trailed up your body, shoving your hoodie over your head. Your bare chest was exposed to him, your nipples hardening exposed to the cool night air. “No bra? You filthy bitch,” EJ grumbled. His lips strayed from yours, his body desperate for release. He tried to remember to be careful with you, to take the time to stretch you out.

He barely fit the first time, nevertheless if he didn’t take the time to do some foreplay. EJ didn’t want to hurt you, even if it meant putting himself through agony. His lips strayed to your neck, sucking harshly at the skin. He had to make a conscious effort to not bite, his teeth grazing your skin ever so slightly. He ensured to avoid any crucial arteries, just in case he cut skin. You whined under him, the smell of your arousal filling his nostrils. But as Jack inhaled, he smelled something else familiar.

“J-Jack?” You whispered, the warm feeling of blood trickling down your neck alerting you. Jack leaned back, taking in the damage. It was a thin line of blood, the crimson red paint staining your soft skin. He swallowed as he leaned back, panting. “No we can’t do this, i’m going to lose control,” He said, speaking a full sentence for the first time in weeks. Jack backed away from you, panting as his boner continued to rage on.

The smell of your arousal, fear, and blood, was enough to make EJ hump a pillow to get off. He put his hand over his face, covering his nose. “What? Jack i’m fine,” You argued. The demon shook his head no, trying to restrain himself. The blood dripped down your neck onto your collarbone, the sight alone mouthwatering. He pressed his back flat against the wall, shaking his head no. You didn’t have any idea how badly he wanted you. The fact that you didn’t only made the situation more dangerous. You placed your hand over your small cut, the wound evident that EJ wasn’t careful enough with you.

“I can handle it, just-” You began. You struggled to find the right words, to convince him to take you. To breed you right there and then. “Just clean it,” You say, unsure if you even said the right thing. EJ’s eyebrows raised curiously, his prey asking him to clean her wound. “Are you sure?” Jack said, his words almost entirely muffled by his hand. You yanked away his wrist, forcing him to fully inhale the overwhelming scent of your blood.

“What did you say?”

Jack licked his lips, tilting his head to the side.

“I said, are you sure?”

You removed your blood stained hand from your wound, nodding.

“I can take it, whatever you give me.”

Fuck.

In the blink of an eye EJ flipped positions, your back being shoved against the wall behind you. His three tongues emerging from his lips. They assaulted your neck, lapping at the wound. He refused to let any drop of your precious blood go to waste. Once he was done cleaning your neck his focus shifted to your hand, licking your palm clean.

“I forgot you had three tongues,” You admitted. Your words reminded EJ of what was happening. That you weren’t a meal, but his mate. Jack allowed himself to smile, chuckling. “Yeah? Do you remember what they feel like?” He asked curiously. Playing along, you shrugged. “I don’t think so, maybe you’ll just have to remind me,” You replied.

Jack had never sank to his knees quicker.

He ripped your panties in half, discarding the fabric across the room. He nudged your knees apart, forcing you to lean against the wall for support. You were practically dripping, the sight only fueling Jacks heat even more. “It’s taking everything in me to take my time with you, little human,” Jack panted. He brought himself to your cunt, his three tongues finally making a grand appearance. Two of them decided to enter you, your walls spasming under the odd sensation. The third stayed focused on your clit, flicking your sensitive bud as if his life depended on it.

EJ’s hand held your legs harshly. As your legs began to tremble, you slowly began to lose your balance. He took this opportunity to pick you up, holding your legs in his arms as his tongues abused your cunt. Your hands tugged at his hair as he held you in mid air, your thighs trembling in his hands. Each tug you pulled only made him fuck into you rougher, his tongues almost seemingly having a mind of their own. “Fuck- right there, please, right fucking there,” You pleaded, your sinful pleas bouncing throughout the hollow house.

With one final flick of your cunt you came on his tongues, each of them lapping up your juices with pride. Jack needed more, he needed something, anything, to prevent him from fucking you on the floor. “On your knees, now,” He growled as he set you down. With how wobbly your legs were you nearly fell anyways, landing on your knees on the hard wooden floor. EJ felt as hot as a heater, his skin radiating unnatural warmth. You stuck out your tongue, maintaining his gaze as he unbuckled his pants.

“You filthy filthy girl,” EJ muttered. He mockingly traced your jawline, shoving his pants and boxers down to his ankles. You had almost forgotten how large his cock was, his length alone enough to break you. “Awe, what’s wrong? Am I bigger than the human boys you play with?” Jack asked teasingly. He tapped the head of his cock against your tongue, shuddering at the warmth of your mouth.

You took his tip in stride, swirling your tongue around it as the demon before you groaned. EJ began shoving his cock into your mouth further, his tip scraping the back of your throat.

He wasn’t even in half way yet.

“You may want to loosen your jaw,” EJ recommended. How far could the human jaw physically extend? You forced your jaw to go slack, struggling to accommodate to Jacks girth as he pushed himself in further. Jack gritted his teeth out of frustration, fuck, this wasn’t fucking working.

Fuck it.

Fuck this.

His large hand snaked down to your hair, yanking you off of him. He dragged you onto your feet with ease, as if you were as light as a feather. “I changed my mind, I want you now,” Jack mumbled. He roughly brought his lips to yours, dragging you back over to the bed. The only thing he needed in the world right now were your ankles dangling over his shoulders. You were struggling to keep up, your heartbeat racing faster and faster.

The sound made Jack’s ears twitch, his desire to fuck you the only thing that kept him from tearing you apart.

“Jack?”

You stared up at him curiously, EJ realizing he was staring at you blankly.

The demon swallowed, trying to hold himself back. His body was practically vibrating, every fiber in him screaming to breed your pretty little cunt, then to swallow your organs whole. Starting with your precious heart. You didn’t know what he ate, right? Or did you? EJ began to rack his brain, his mind spinning. Were you afraid? You didn’t smell afraid. But to be fair though, all Jack could smell was your arousal.

“Jack?”

Your concern made him snap out of his haze, the realization that he was oddly panting above you hitting him like a brick. He licked his dry lips, trying to form coherent sentences. “You don’t want this, you don’t want to be my mate. You-” Jack began. He knew what it would be mean if he did what he wanted, what every fiber in his being was screaming at him to do. “Deserve a nice human life, with a human man,” He rambled.

Your next action caught him off guard, it being something he hadn’t even fantasized about. It was so shocking to Jack, that he hadn’t even theorized it to be possible. Your eyelids fluttered shut as you dragged him down to you, planting your lips onto his. As you kissed him, your small hand reached down to his throbbing cock, running the tip up and down your folds. EJ growled as he pushed you down against the mattress.

“You’ve done it now,” He snarled. EJ swatted your hand away, pumping his length. Teasingly he brushed the head of his cock against your clit, the overstimulation making you squirm. Jack tried his hardest to be slow once he entered you. Honest. But your walls sucked him in your body screaming that you were almost as desperate as he was. This. This was what he had imaged all of those sleepless nights as he pumped his cock, daydreaming of the disgusting things he’d do to you.

And here you were, withering under him as he shoved his cock inside of your cunt. “Such a good whore for me, such a good hole for me to use,” EJ grunted. He could feel his mind going numb, his ability to maintain composure fading away as he bottomed out. He could feel your walls squeezing him, begging him to let you adjust. His cock was visible through your stomach, the outline only fueling the fire further.

“So sorry, I can’t hold back any longer- Have to- Need to breed you,” Jack panted, moving his hips. You bit your bottom lip as he began to fuck you, the pain almost too much. You had taken him before, sure, but he wasn’t this rough with you. He let out low growls as he fucked you, the pain slowly subsiding into pleasure. Jack couldn’t help but nuzzle himself into the side of your neck, inhaling your scent.

Your hands had grabbed his hair, tugging at it as he mercilessly pounded into you. Your moans were mixtures of pleas and incoherent babbles, his name mixed in there somewhere. You couldn’t think straight, Jacks hips having a mind of their own. “Fuck, i’m gonna breed you, you’re going to be mine,” Jack huffed. He licked the side of your neck, the sweat coating your skin flooding his tastebuds.

He could hear your heartbeat speed up even faster, your body struggling to keep up with Jack as he fucked you. “You’re gonna be my mate, you understand? My personal cumdump,” He snarled. The degrading words were the most he had spoken in weeks, his mind screaming at him to cum inside of you. He needed it like he needed air. He needed to see your cunt red and puffy, leaking his cum.

EJ managed to leave the comfort of your neck, watching the outline of his cock slide in and out of you as he abused your cervix. “You’re gonna be such a good mother, gonna take you back to the mansion,” Jack groaned, his words slipping out mindlessly. He grabbed your legs, forcing them to spread wider. You whined as he grabbed your tender flesh, pounding into you. He grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“You’re mine, my mate to breed, you’re gonna carry my kids, over and over and over,” EJ growled. You could feel yourself getting close, your eyes practically seeing stars. “J-Jack, i’m getting close-” You warned. Jack grinned, his thrust not letting up for a second. “Go on mate, cum for me so I can mark you as mine,” EJ ordered, his words almost muffled by his animalistic growls. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you came, your orgasm only making Jack fuck you harder.

He grabbed your limp body, pounding into you through your orgasm until he found his own high. Loud moans exited his throat as he came inside of you, your cunt now full of the demons sperm. He panted as his heart rate began to settle, his stomach beginning to growl. His eye sockets widened as he realized he could still hear your heartbeat, the sound coming back into focus. He swallowed, your smell making his desire shift to raw hunger.

Jack pulled out of you quickly, relieved to see that you were relatively dazed. Your eyes were closed, your focus on slowing your body back down to normal. As calmly as he could he slid off of the bed, redressing himself. He knew if he alerted you he would owe you an explanation. It would put him at a dangerous crossroad. He would either have to tell the brutal truth, or a painful lie that would no doubt put your relationship in jeopardy.

EJ grabbed his mask, sliding back onto his face as he pulled down the sleeves of his hoodie. He watched his cum ooze out of your cunt and onto the sheets, the sight almost enough to overrule his painful hunger.

Almost.

Jack slipped out of your window quickly, running to the next heartbeat he could hear.

An odd satisfaction washed over him as he ran into the night, knowing you were now his.

[serpenlupus]

About Wyll and his horns

Let's say I was writing a part of my Tav's story with Wyll directly connected to the dialogue he has during the tiefling party, and while struggling with this bit, I've realized there's quite a few misconceptions floating around. I felt compelled to add information to the table that might clear them, so here we go.

First, what exactly happens to Wyll when he disobeys Mizora in act one? Well, he doesn't get turned into a devil, he certainly doesn't get turned into a tiefling, he's not a half fiend, not a demon, none of that. Wyll stays human, but he has horns and red eyes (and other features we can't see on his model as of now).

(Everyone has their race listed, Wyll's remains "Human")

This is because when a warlock fails to uphold some part of their contract they can suffer a certain number of consequences, Wylls is “The character grows horns, a tail, or some other devilish features that can't be removed by any means short of divine intervention. As long as these marks persist the character detects as a fiend when subjected to Detect Evil and Good spells or similar magic.” ( from Baldur's Gate: Descent into Avernus, page 214)

And I’ve come across some people that think it wasn’t so bad of a punishment, that he was being racist towards the tieflings, or just not being justified in being upset after having his body forcibly changed against his will. I think they are missunderstanding just how insidious Mizora’s actions were, and here I just want to give some context to maybe bring a better understanding to the situation. Your conclusions are up to you.

Gonna start by using a not exact analogy, but I think it’s going to make the explanation easier. Stick with me for a minute.

Remember Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean? He had a branded “P” on his arm that marked him as a pirate. A murderer, robber, criminal, etc. in the eyes of the society he was a part of. What did Jack do to earn the branding? (if you don’t know this I suggest you look up the “people aren’t cargo mate” scene) He refused to transport slaves and later freed them, and Beckett had him marked as punishment.

Then, in the first movie, he saves Elizabeth, a woman he didn’t know, from drowning. Right after however, when Norrington sees he has a branded “P”, he’s like “alright, off to jail with you, and then hanging”, no other option crosses his mind. Again, Jack doesn’t know Elizabeth, isn’t indicated to think he is going to be rewarded for helping her, he just sees a drowning person, sees that no one else is going to help, and chooses to save them. That is a pretty selfless/good aligned thing to do, for no other reason that he was the one able to do it, yet the branding in his arm overrides any good action he could ever do, marking him as a criminal for execution and no further thought.

In a way, that’s what Mizora did to Wyll; she forever visibly branded him as someone that has made deals with devils, and that in the world of DnD is a VERY BAD THING. Personally I really like the mod that gives him more devilish features, but at the same time I think there was something clever about choosing to leave him looking more human. He can’t be confused with a tiefling, he doesn’t have the ears, the claws, the tail, all those features that characterize them. He looks kind of uncanny, and that would be like a red flag for anyone in that world. (Beyond the already existing hate for tieflings that I’m not gonna tackle on here because it’s a complicated thing that deserves its own post). And Wyll wants to do good, he wants to help people, to be a positive force in the world so, so badly. This dude got abducted by a nautiloid, got tadpole’d, and the first thing he did right after that was come across the Tiefling refugees and be like “Oh you need help? No worries let me teach you self defense. Oh you being attacked by goblins? Let me blast them real quick”. His way of saying fuck you to all the awful things that have happened to him is being aggressively good and kind. Mizora knows this very well, wants to see him suffer for her amusement, wants to remind him he can't escape her claws, so her choice of punishment was to forever taint his future interactions with mistrust and suspicion. Some people can go real fast from “oh thank God they saved me” to “oh no, are they gonna rob me, are they trying to trick me, are they in cahoots with the ones that attacked me first?” just because of outward appearances. Especially in DnD world. And that deserves its own conversation, but we're focusing on Wyll here.

(Mizora, when I catch you Mizora)

“Well, maybe he shouldn’t have made a deal in the first plac- - “ He was seventeen, alone, preyed upon by Mizora and put in an impossible situation. Please PAY ATTENTION to the story you’re witnesing.

Anyway.

About the tieflings. I know it’s easy to think his words can be derisive towards them, but it’s less about the horns and more about his body being changed against his will. Imagine instead that he got half his face burned, or something that disfigured him. I think his feelings at the moment were closer to that, and yeah they are pretty insensitive words to say to someone with a similar condition (horns or disfiguration), but when feelings are fresh and raw like that it’s easy to say insensitive things. Not saying it was ok for him to say those things, but ther was no malice in his words. I’ve also seen some people share that they think Mizora wanted to change him more to make him unrecognizable to his original self, the Wyll Ravenguard kid, and I think there is some truth to that too. She wants to make sure that Wyll remembers that he belongs to her, there's no question to that.

(MIZORA, WHEN I CATCH YOU MIZORA)

Whether the Tieflings refugees would feel unsettled by Wyll or not? Yes. In a way, they would. From reasons aside from the ones I explained above, remember that these specific tieflings come from Elturel. If you didn’t pass the History check or don’t remember, Elturel is a city that was literally ripped from the land and dragged to Avernus, First layer of hell (it left a hole on the ground and everything) because their mayor made a deal with the Archdevil Zariel some decades back in the timeline. He sold the souls of all its citizens and the city itself.

This was probably one of the worst times of their lives. Some even got captured and forced to participate in the blood War, like Dammon as a mechanic. And after Elturel got returned to the surface, the tieflings lost their homes because they reminded the other citizens of the literal Hell they’d just gone through, and they kicked them out. And remember, they met and saw Wyll as a human, and then saw him with horns. It’s not unreasonable to think that by looking at him they would be reminded of all the events that led them to the awful situation they’re in. Because of someone that was making deals with devils, just like Wyll. Even if his situation is completely different. And Wyll knows that, that’s why he tells you the tieflings are unsettled by him and chooses to stay away during the party.

It was never just about the horns.

And I know Wyll calls himself a devil but I think it’s because it’s the closest thing he looks as; devils are a whole different race with their own intricacies, although humans can be turned into devils ONCE their souls go to Avernus and they start climbing the power hierarchy there (Mizora and Raphael are cambions/ half-devils btw, which is a different thing,  there are plenty of videos exploring those details more in depth).

Do I think Larian should have made some of this information clearer/easier to access? Maybe? but to be fair, it's a game focused and dedicated to a crowd that was already somewhat familiar with the source material, that blew up waay out of what they originally expected to reach. Hopefully they’ll add some clarifications like they did to other quests. 

Anyway these are my two cents to the conversation, have a nice day, and don't hesitate to add your two cents if you feel like it!

[tom-foolery-incorporated]

if you're comfortable with it can i request levi sexting reader pls? i just feel like he would be much more confident sexting you from behind a screen than he ever would be when taking action irl

You've got a point, my dude

NSFW MDNI, sexting, AFAB! Reader, gender neutral, racially ambiguous, dirty talk, two dicks for Levi, told through Levi's perspective, 2nd person POV for reader

It was kind of awkward for Leviathan. The way his pants tightened whenever he thought about you. He questioned whether or not you had cast some sort of curse on him but after seeing your less than novice skills casting beginner spells that was quickly ruled out. While you two have been dating for some time, you have never been intimate with each other. Levi was too shy to try to pursue a sexual relationship with you no matter how much he dreamed about having your lips wrapped around one of his cocks while you jack off the other under his desk as he plays video games on his computer.

This desperate want for your body coupled with Levi's shyness ended up with him seeking out demon x human porn. Specifically, Levi would search for human pornstars that look like you and imagine it was him instead of some stupid incubus or succubus fucking you. That's actually where he ended up right now. He fisted his cocks together at the sight of your pornstar doppelgänger getting railed from behind by a large demon. Levi pretended it was you moaning out his name instead of this pornstar moaning for more from their costar. It was honestly becoming torture for poor Levi, not have your warm cunt hole wrapped around cock while the other slips into your ass. Levi got so caught up in the porn he was watching that the sound of his phone vibrating made him jump.

It was you sending him another meme. Levi could feel the warmth and love spreading through his chest. Even though you had just sent him a silly picture of a mouse in a toy car, Levi still felt so loved that you texted that picture to him only instead of the group chat.

That's when the lightbulb appeared over his head. What if he told you how much he wanted you over text. At least then you wouldn't have to see how hard you make him nor his tomato red face and you wouldn't have to hear how he stutters and stumbles over his words. Through text message, Levi could stay partially hidden.

L: MC i need u

U: why? what's wrong? i'll head over rn

L: NO!

L: i mean...

L: i need u so badly U: oh? U: oh.

Crap, did he just gross you out? I mean, who would want to sleep with a gross otaku like him anyway? All he does is just sit in his room and play video games. You'd do better having your pussy filled by some one like Beel or-

U: i want you too. Levi i want ur cock so bad

Levi almost tipped back in his chair and had to swing his arms to grab at his desk. He sputtered like an old timey car with a flush that could make a strawberry look pale. Levi couldn't believe that you wanted him just as badly. When he regained his balance in his chair, he softly wrapped his hand around his top cock and stroked around the head.

U: i wish i was there with you bouncing on your dick

Levi stopped for a second when he realized your wording. Dick? Cock? As in singular? Nervousness began to rise in the back of his throat. You were obviously down to fuck non-human entities but would you be down for non-human genitalia? Levi looked down at his own cocks. The cock on the top was about an inch longer than the one on the bottom. Both were a tad bit darker than the rest of his skin and faded into a lighter blue near the tip. The heads of his cocks were long and pointed with small bumps along the bottom side of his shafts. His cocks curled a little like a tentacle but weren't nearly has flexible as one. Leviathan thought about how his assets compared to a normal human's and the insecurity began to flair up.

L: uhhh,,,

L: MC?

U: what's wrong? did i cross a line?

Fuck you were so cute when you were worried about him. Levi shook his head trying to flush away the lovey-dovey thoughts he had about you in order to break the possibly bad news.

L: i uh dont have a human set up >.>

U: huh?

U: what do you mean?

Leviathan pressed his hand to his mouth trying to figure out how to tell you. Should he just send a picture? The thought of you having a picture of his cocks made him leak a little but his insecurity had a choke hold on him. He decided against sending you a picture and decided you just tell you straight up what he had going on.

L: i have two dicks

Silence. Five minutes had passed an nothing from you. The worst case scenario immediately came to mind: you were going to break up with him because of his weird penises. Levi was about pull his sweats up over his cocks and sob into his bathtub when his phone vibrated.

U: fuck

U: can i see them?

Levi gripped his phone with sweaty palms. You wanted to see them? You wanted to see him? Naked? You wanted to see the penises of a gross otaku like himself? But you were so beautiful and kind and smart and you could do so much better than him! A shiver ran through his spine at the perverted thought of such a degenerate like himself corrupting someone so beautiful as you. He grabbed his top cock and positioned it so the bottom one could be seen as well as he held his phone over his lap and took the picture. It was right when he pressed send that realization hit him. What if you wanted pictures of his penises to make fun of them? To make fun of him? For some reason that idea turned him on even more. Levi's teeth clacked to together at the thought of you calling him gross and perverted for sending you such images.

Levi: <image sent>

U: fuck

U: theyre huge!

U: crap i want them in me so bad rn

L: 0.0 u do?

U: do you think they could both fit in my pussy?

The directness of your text sent Levi into a frenzy. Fuck, he didn't know if they could both fit but he for sure was going to try! The thought of your poor little cunt being so spread and abused on his cocks made him grab his cocks and start rubbing them together, imagining his fist was your juicy walls welcoming him into your body.

L: we could try

L: i want u to ride me rn. i want to see ur pussy swallowing my cocks everytime you bounce up and down

U: fuck yes Levi!

U: i want to see ur face when you cum inside of me. u always look so cute when ur all flustered

Levi whimpered at your last text. He couldn't understand how you thought such a gross otaku like him was cute but how sweet you were being made his dicks throb in need.

U: imagine if i was cockwarming you while u were gaming o///o

L: fuck please MC

U: every time you get a kill i'd ride you a little. u can't cum until you win though~

L: i promise i will MC! i want to fill you with my cum >.<

U: i love you so much levi. are you in ur room rn?

Levi felt all of the air in his chest get trapped in his lungs. Fuck, you wanted to come see him? Is that why you were asking if he was home?

U: <image sent>

Levi's eyes went wide. He could have sworn they rolled right out of his skull when he saw the picture you just sent. You were reclined on your bed with only a shirt on. On closer inspection it was that shirt from your favorite anime Levi had gotten you for your birthday. Your phone was positioned so that the star of the photo were your index and middle fingers holding your pussy lips open showing Levi the beautiful spread of your sopping cunt. Your clit was at attention and was begging for his lips to be wrapped around it. Levi furiously rubbed his cocks together at the sight. You were so wet and all from him? You weren't dripping with need because of one of his stupid brothers? A feeling somewhere between possessiveness and neediness erupted in Levi. He knew he needed to be buried in your tight hole.

L: yes! please! im home!

U: <read 1 minute ago>

Then there was a knock at his door.

[mothmanssweetsucculentass]

Lmao what’s this? I’m back with more Creepypasta headcanons, this time for Eyeless Jack.

TW for the following: graphic descriptions of cannibalism/murder/gore, depictions of drug abuse, lacing food with sharp objects, body horror, and generally anything you’d expect from horror.

THERE ARE NO CENSORS BEYOND THIS POINT, READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DISTRESS CAUSED BY MY WRITING.

Eyeless Jack Headcanons

He/they

Obviously no longer human

Still has a humanoid-ish body

“Died” around 2011, physically 22

Dark gray skin with a faint blue-ish tint

His blood is black. Like it’s basically oil or tar now. Moves much slower and is thicker than normal blood. He hasn’t checked but he’s pretty sure all his organs share the same color and viscosity now. Like that one breed of chicken with black organs y’know?

Long ears

Lots of sharp teeth. Practically a shark mouth

3+ long black tongues depending on his mood and how well fed they are

Because of the multiple mouth appendages he has a soft lisp and often accidentally bites his tongues since they move involuntarily

Eyes are constantly leaking the black sludge. Clothing/face/belongings are always sticky

Constantly salivating the same substance, just thinner/more liquidy

Wears a surgical mask under his regular mask to combat it

Very good sense of smell

Seriously he could smell a specific blood type in the middle of a massacre of a shit ton of bodies

Can’t swim

Reddish-brown wavy hair, forgets to cut it sometimes so he sometimes has a fluffy mullet

Claws that can’t retract

Wears a black trench coat and dark gray turtleneck when actually going out and doing shit, the black hoodie is lounge clothes

Has a tail!!!! Closest resemblance to a lion tail, but larger

Lots of catlike/animal like behaviors unconsciously. Will sit on any elevated surface

Purrs like holy fuck the first time someone hears him do it they freak out

Can also growl and hiss

Despite the animalistic behaviors and feral demeanor he isn’t above being civilized

Mostly calm. Gets the zoomies after eating tho

And by zoomies I mean he’s more excitable and extroverted for a little while

Has probably ran around the woods like a maniac at least once tho

Besides Nurse Ann, he’s the most medically competent of the pastas. People usually go to him for more major injuries or sicknesses

Despite his constant orifice leakage he tries to be as clean as possible

His lab is SPOTLESS

somehow figured out a way to dilute his face goop to clean it better. No one knows how he does it tho

Is still very much a nerd. Loves reading any kind of book he can get his hands on

Starts going blind if he doesn’t satiate his hunger for flesh and organs

If he goes blind before getting food, he’s able to use echolocation pretty damn well

Can also see thermal outlines of stuff if his vision starts going

Eyes aren’t reflective so it’s pretty funny when he’s gargoyling somewhere in the manor in pitch black and someone walks in and gets startled by him sitting there staring into the void

HOW are his footsteps so silent

Dude you’re 5”8 and have a stockier build how do you not make floorboards creek

Can eat normal food, but poses no nutritional value to him

Can halfway survive off raw animal meat in emergencies, but doesn’t give him enough energy for long

Only fully kills someone about once a month, the rest of the time he’s able to meticulously and stealthily steal a kidney from unsuspecting victims without incident

Not that he hates killing or anything like that, he’s just as violent as the rest of the freaks

But he HATES the feeling of losing control he often gets when he indulges the violent urges. So he holds himself back most of the time

Besides murder and organ harvesting he often goes out to steal medical supplies from houses and smaller town clinics

Remember him being a nerd? Likes to impress people with gross biology trivia. Most are about the human body but he knows a ton of animal facts too

“Did you know flies and roaches can still live without their heads” type shit

Can’t cook for shit. He’s not allowed in the kitchen period after one of his organ jars exploded in the fridge due to air pressure bs. Ruined all the food in there

Stores his organs in four different mini fridges in his room and lab

Kidneys give him the most energy but he enjoys flesh more than organs when it comes to taste

His favorite is cheek meat and anything involving the neck

Loves to burst the carotid artery and mess around with the blood like a sprinkler toy

Gives the bones of any corpse he fully consumes to Slender. Has no idea what he needs the bones for but never cares to ask

Friends/close with Ben, Helen, Liu, Ann, Masky, and Hoody

Has a tolerable relationship with Jeff, Kagekao, Slenderman, the Puppeteer, Jane, and Clockwork

Doesn’t get along with/hates LJ and Nina

Sally is TERRIFIED of him. Y’know cause little kids are scared of the doctor and whatnot. He tries his best to be as unintimidating as possible when around her but she still prefers Ann over him

HATES being called EJ. It’s a horrible nickname. What if he walked up to you and called you legless Larry after cutting off your legs?

Abrosexual

Loves loves loves LOVES doing dissections/vivisections. Has somehow been able to convince or bribe the other undead and non human mansion inhabitants to let him do a vivisection on them at least once.

Ben enjoyed it the most because he’s a freak like that

“And this is your heart” “gross……. can I poke it” “yeah ok”

Is unfortunately able to understand the corrupt scripts of [REDACTED] thanks to the ritual that took his eyes and life. Tries his best to ignore it.

Nightmare haver! Is too stubborn to go to someone like Ben or Slender to get them less frequently even though both could easily help him

Kind of an insomniac anyways but since his face is almost always covered no one notices the eye bags

Usually takes the top layer mask off around his friends, or if the other masked pastas take theirs off around them as a sign of mutual trust

Surgical mask on their face stays on constantly unless eating or doing anything privately

Has to keep the meds locked up because Ben, Masky, and Jeff have drug problems

“STOP trying to get high off Benadryl it’s not even allergy season anymore you don’t need it”

Not a “dad” character he just doesn’t like wasting resources like that

Doesn’t care about the actual habits JUST STOP STEALING HIS MEDS

LJ for some reason keeps stealing any of his used needles and scalpels. Jack’s best bet is he puts the sharp objects in candy. Gross.

He’s befriended Seedeater the same way a zookeeper befriends a large dangerous animal

Both have a mutual understanding Seed is NOT a pet

It hasn’t even let them pet or touch it

Does follow him closely like a dog whenever he walks through the forest for any reason

Jack has witnessed it take down and decapitate a bear with a single bite before

If he ever has leftovers or parts of corpses about to go bad that they can’t eat himself, they feed it to Seed

Has a small collection of the black fur and feathers that naturally shed from Seed’s body

Also collects other odd things like animal bones or human teeth

His favorite weird thing they’ve collected is a taxidermied axolotl stolen from a victim’s home

Is also super blunt

Not out of malice, he just has a very technical straightforward way of thinking

Always asks anyone for consent when doing anything physical like medical procedures or even just nudging someone out of the way if he’s trying to get somewhere

HATES being touched without their permission or knowledge

Will bite if provoked. Will bite as a warning too

[ananke-xiii]

A dream, mine:

spn s13 but with cas alive and jack's a baby, dean and mary are in the AU and lucifer is still on earth. Somehow sam and cas manage to save jack and themselves from lucifer but now they're on the run and they are both questioning their life choices. Sam's like super pissed because he's been baby trapped by cas of all people and he's now stuck with an unhinged angel and a baby that's half his nemesis, a nemesis with which he shares the most unfortunate, most fucked up, saddest "profound bond" of all time. Cas is pissed too because he was handed the shortest (technically the tallest but shhh) straw by fate and ended up with the wrong brother, what's worst, he's now forced, once again, to re-evaluate all his millennia-long prejudices against all kinds of abominations since he's stuck sharing a car with two of the finest examples ever produced. Jack is just a baby which means he cries a lot, wants to eat, does his things etc and the crying alone is enough to send cas and sam crazy. Cas resents sam because he thinks he's using the angel with the excuse that he doesn't sleep so he can look after the baby. Sam resents cas because he went doing his hot girl shit instead of following his plan. Things reach a boiling point when they're in a gas 'n sip, sam deep in "newborn lore" on his smartphone, trying to understand what a newborn can eat out of gas station food, and cas's exasperated because "we can just wear a white coat, go to a hospital and steal breast milk". Sam snaps and he's like "what IS wrong with you, dude?" and cas is so done so he's like "tell me, sam, what IS wrong with me, sam?". Sam's not dean and he's not above recounting all the times cas has fucked them over, fucked him over, he literally uses his fingers to start counting everything that's just wrong with cas and he sure as hell starts by telling him how thick an actual angel of the lord, "the fucking angel of fucking thursday has no feel" (sam's words not mine), can be to save a person from hell without realizing that the soul's not there when he basically did the same thing for dean so "uh cas, explain this to the hand, CAS-TI-EL"! And cas finds out that, after all, he's not that bad at this feeling and being almost human shit cause he suddenly feels very in touch with his feminine side and he's ready to remind sam how thick can he be to think that god was speaking to him telling him to open the cage, like "what sam, just because amara was speaking to dean, you thought god would have spoken to you, to you, SA-MU-EL?" They're one step close to a catfight, neither of them is shy enough to prevent it, they both can and will grab each other by their hair and grip tight to raise themselves from this domestic hell. But they're in a gas 'n sip, whisper-yelling about angels, hell, souls and god and people begin eyeing them, the clerk reaches for the phone. They stop and realize that, in their current state, they're both two male presenting beings somewhere in their forties or in their vicinity with a screaming baby in cas' arms and one call away from child protection services . Things are not good.

Meanwhile, dean is with mary, fake bobby and fake charlie having the time of his life in the fake purgatory copy that is the AU releasing all his decade-long repressed sexual energy toward a certain angel by killing angels with bullets made out of angel blades and knifing the occasional monster of the week that goes bump in the night. Things are good.

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

Your feelings remind me of Jack-O so much. Being made only for the purpose to die so someone else people actually want can come back, feeling like there's genuinely no point to you existing and your failing those around you the longer you continue to do so. When Sol says "Have I ever called you Aria?" just snipe me through the skull next time Daisuke, don't drag me like this ;_;

YES YES YES Dude Jack-O Valentine is so fucking cool. What a fucking character arc and story and she's yet another one of those Guilty Gear moments where you play against her like "What's with this silly goofy lady?" and you read anything or watch Xrd/Strive story and have to lie down for a while.

The fucking scenes with her and Sol in Strive make me so insane. There's the one you mentioned here (Sol showing genuine emotion I am collapsing and sobbing) and then the part on the highway where Jack-O is just like "Frederick...?" Sol: "Yeah?" Jack-O: "...You're smiling." Sol: "Hm...." Like I am deceased. ALSO THE WAY SOL IS LIKE "Have I ever called you Aria?" AND JACK-O IS ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE WHO CALLS HIM FREDERICK??? POETIC CINEMA!!!

Jack-O is definitely one of the many examples of characters in this series feeling doomed by the narrative in some way and trying to come to grips with their existence or finding a way to live that won't make them miserable. Everyone finds a way to do it through many different means! (someone in the tags of an old post said a big part of it is relationships in Guilty Gear and I think that's a really good one). For Jack-O it's her connection to Sol - not because she's a unit made to house bits of Aria, but because she and Sol forge a new and separate relationship based on who she is as Jack-O. Sol accepts her as a different person and not this echo of his wife and I think it's part of what helps her feel that she can exist hiw she chooses to- she is not doomed to be temporary vessel.

Anyway thanks for this ask I love getting excited and Guilty Gear does it for me so easy - I think part of what makes this series so fantastic is the narrative and the character writing makes them all so profoundly human and relatable; even the characters that explicitly AREN'T human struggle with and posses humanity!! I think anyone can look to any of those characters and see echoes of themselves or other people and feel that it's going to be ok (It will work out!! (haha The Hourglass reference)).

[malleusthehammer]

Humanity and Gods playing baseball!

Tee hee i got this in a dream :3 anyways this is just gonna be a silly little thing with my more favorited Gods/Humans just cuz :3 Hope u enjoy!! (i’m sorry if some of these r ooc -~-‘) Also it’s divided by yk humanity vs gods so yeah. Also if you enjoy this, my requests are open!!

Jack the Ripper

This gentleman is very hesitant going up to bat. I’m telling you. Bro is SHAKING in his boots but won’t say anything.

Def closes his eyes when he swings. like GGGGGSGSGGAGS

This mf IS FAST AS HELL THO.

Won’t Can’t slide for shit

More than likely right or left field. He’s fast and quick on his feet so he seems like a good outfielder.

Please tell him to keep his cap on. AND DONT LET HIM PUT IT BACKWARDS.. i love this man to death but he has A HUGE forehead (god bless ~<~)

Okay let’s say he doesn’t wanna play- he bat boy ong. He be getting those bats.

BEST TEAMMATE EVER

he is the best comforter when u get down on urself for striking out or missing a ball (me)

this dudes number is 18- idk why he just seems like an 18 guy

in other words this man has my heart.

Buddha

Mf chill as hell. Bro will be slacking but yet be an amazing player like HUH?!

Wears his cap backwards 100% so that like one strand of hair is out like always

Bro is always sneaking candy and the blue calls him out on it.

2nd or shortstop. Since he can see how the batter is gonna swing he can already predict where it’s gonna go so he’s like on his feet all the time

Bro hits the ball and just watches it before taking his time walking the bases (i mean technically you can do that)

He looks HELLA GOOD in a baseball uniform

mfs number is probably 69..

LAUGHS SO HARD when someone messes up

overall he’s just a hell of a good player like dayumn !!

Kojiro Sasaki

lowkey a good player

bros title is literally “Worlds biggest loser” So he swings at everything. I mean ik he’s can predict battles or whatever but i’d feel he’d have a harder time predicting pitches

He’s and old man. that kinda speaks for itself. so he kinda slow/pos

First base man. he’s tall- flexible and yeah- 1st base bro

HE STICKS HIS PONYTAIL THROUGH THE BACK OF HIS BASEBALL CAP ITS SO CUTE

THAT OR HE BRAIDS HIS HAIR OMGG

this man LOVES sunflower seeds like absolutely (who wouldn’t?! Buddha..)

slaps people on the back REALLY hard when telling them good job

Hates cleats. just hates them for no reason

Very confused on how to swing a bat but gets it in like 2 tries

THIS MAN CAN SLIIIIDDEEEE

if he isn’t playing 1st- he’s probably centerfield :3

DEADASS HE’LL LET YOU DO HIS EYEBLACKK!!

bros number is like in the 70s. more than likely 72 idk it just feels right lmao

sometimes wears his jersey open? like not buttoned >:3

I LOVE SASAKI SM HES AWHEHEGSFSG

Qin Shi Huang

Bro is the pitcher. nothin else.

still wears his blindfold on the mound obvi :3

BRO HAS AN ARM.

can slide decently

Hella fast like Jack.

Clean up batter? yk he be hittin it then just bringing all the ppl on base in

He’ll strike someone out then be like “Hao!!”

Slaps people on the back like Sasaki

my man is just and overall vibe so like mmhmm

The teams biggest cheer leader

I’m feeling like.. 59?

Dude he thinks he looks so good in the uniform and he does

sometimes since yk “The road is where i lead” he just starts walking around the bases randomly.

random as hell but he has like really sweaty hands

PLEASE PLEASE DO THIS MANS EYEBLACK. PLEASE.

just overall a silly little goose :3

Nikolai Tesla

THIS MAN IS GOING TO WALK UP TO TJE PLATE AND TRY AND EXPLAIN HOW THE FUCKING VELOCITY AND SPEED OF A BAT WORK.

totally not a sucky hitter..

3rd base- he’s quick quitted and 3rd doesn’t call for too much movement

his glove has those damn tesla coils n shit

bro spent ages like making his own glove and shit

THIS MAN. THIS MAN LOOKS SO FINE IN UNIFORM.

Jogs around the bases.

I’m feeling like.. 47 for his number

Dude will be pondering on second base when he’s running, thinking of anything BUT baseball at that time sooo

Dude would be AMAZED at pitches

someone would be like “SWING TESLA” and he just does the thing where he tuts them and shakes his finger and goes “No, non, nem, nein..”

He’s just.. a lot to handle.

Don’t ever take him to a baseball game. he’d get hella bored and just leave.

His hair is like- LUCIOUS in the sunlight

dude can not stay still in the dugout he’s always pacing

Yeaahh that’s it :3 i’ll probably do a Gods version later but my asks are open! so feel free to ask abouttt rn im mainly doing RoR but i’ll dip my toes into somethin new soon!!

[unchained-hound-dog]

Hey I seen your taking Jack Harlow requests so I was thinking an angst filled request where the reader and Jack have been seeing each other on the low for a few months now but Jack wants to commit but loves the lifestyle he’s living and isn’t sure if he wants to give it up and commit to you but he also can’t stand anyone else having you.. he’s selfish but I’m thinking you maybe go out on a few dates with someone else and Jack realises what he has with you and he maybe sees you in a restaurant one night with your new man and he fights to get you back?

Sorry that was a mouthful!

Here you go!

--

Your time with Jack had been very low-key, you'd both spent most of your time together in either Jack's living room or your small appartment. Some of his close friends knew about you, they'd walked into you both cuddling on the sofa once or twice and your roommate knew about Jack, but no-one outside of those people knew. You liked it that way, Jack's fame had skyrocketed and as proud of him as you were, you dreaded the day people found out about you, knowing people wouldn't be kind.

Neither of you had said 'i love you', you didn't really know how you felt about each other considering it had been only a few months. Jack had spoken to some of his boys, telling them how he wants to commit to you fully; but the boys had convinced him otherwise.

'You settle dude, you gotta kiss goodbye to every girl you've got across the country' his friend shrugged his shoulders as if to say just think about it

'Yeah but I could have one girl come round the world with me man'

'You think she's gunna drop everything and come on the road? Give it a month away and you'll be bricked up and the girl you're committed to will be thousands of miles away'

Jack took a sip of his drink, his mind racing with what to do. He liked you, he really did but he could see pros and cons to both scenareos.

--

It had been a few more weeks, and you'd been sitting on the couch at Jack's place watching a movie when you turned to him, asking the question you'd been dreading to ask for weeks now.

'What are we Jack?' his eyes moved from the screen in front of him and down to your face

'Humans?' he replied deadpan, earning an eyeroll from you before you sat up

'No you idiot, what's our status'

'I mean' he moves his hand to scratch the back of his neck, not really sure how to word his next sentence correctly 'I was thinking 'bout this and i feel like when I'm on the road we'll be so far apart, I don't know if I'm ready to commit to anything serious yet'

His words made your heart sink slightly, you moved yourself away from his body to get a proper look at him

'So you'd rather fuck a different girl in every state than have one girl who's commited to you' you nodded your head as though you were understanding before getting up from the sofa.

'Where you going?' he followed suit, standing up and watching as you slid your shoes on and grabbed your bag.

'Well if I'm nothing more than something to pass the time before tour, I'd rather waste my time somewhere else' you didn't bother waiting for his response, you just left his house and made your way home.

The journey home consisted of silence and tears, you allowed the feelings you'd built up to release. You really liked Jack, but the thought of you having to fight for him just didn't seem fair.

-

Jack spent the next few days before tour absolutly miserable. He'd developed a grumpy attitude which had pissed a few of his friends off. He didn't realise until you'd walked out that door just how good he had it with you, you were the only person to actually belly laugh at his jokes, the person he went to when he was feeling low about stuff. He'd fucked up and he knew that, but you weren't returning his calls or texts and you'd blocked him on socials, leaving him to hope that tour would distract him from his yearning for you.

-

It was day 5 of tour, Jack hadn't so much as looked at a girl, most of the girls he'd usually hook up with had been left on read, he simply returned to his hotel room after a show and slept.

'I'm getting you laid tonight man, I can't cope with you being so fucking moody'

Jack had agreed to go out for some drinks with his friends, they were hoping he'd loosen up a little and Jack hoped he'd see you. His tour date was in your hometown and he hoped and prayed you were out with your friends just so he could see you.

They entered a bar and were escorted straight towards the V.I.P table when Jack saw you. You were sitting across the table from a guy who looked nothing like your type, you seemed to be fake smiling at something he said as you sipped your drink. Your eyes locking with Jack's as he walked past causing you to choke slightly on your drink. You regained your composure and returned to the conversation, well, listening to the man in front of you babble on about something.

Jack entered the VIP room and sat down, downing the cup that was put in his hand before nursing another. He couldn't work out what he wanted to do, so he turned to the one person who he knew would speak sense to him.

'Urb' Jack slapped his friend on the back and informed him he needed to talk to him, both men walking to a quieter area.

'Y/N here tonight, and I half told myself if i saw her out I'd try and talk to her but she's on a fucking date man. It's been what less than a week!'

'Look, when everyone else was telling you to ditch her and fuck around on tour, I half agreed, but I saw more than anyone how much that girl meant to you, so if you need me to distract that guy so you two can talk, I'm your man' Urban turned, grabbing a glass of red wine from the table behind him and began heading into the main area

Jack watched as Urban walked by your table 'tripping over' a chair and dumping the entire contents of the wine glass onto your dates lap.

'Dude I am so sorry, that chair just jumped out on me'

You watched as your date quickly stood, red wine pouring from his lap as he attempted to brush the remainder off. You watched as Urban walked away, not missing the small wink he gave you before hand.

'I'll be right back' your date muttered something about an idiot as he walked to the bathroom.

Before you had chance to pick up your drink, the seat opposite you was occupied by Jack.

'If you wanted to talk to me, you could have just come over,didn't need to get Urban to do your dirty work'

'Listen to me, we got about 5 minutes before that fucker comes back over here but what I need to say wont take that long if you keep that pretty mouth shut' you raised your brow at his statement, encouraging him to go on.

'I didn't realise until you left my house last week just how much I like you, this past week has been the worst week of my life and i-' you cut him off with 'oh yeah fucking all those girls must have been real hard' he ignored you, continuing on 'and I haven't slept with a single girl. Been going back to the hotel room and thinking 'bout you, 'bout us and what I threw away cause I was scared to commit. But I really, really miss you baby' You watched as Jack sighed, finally getting his point across

'You really haven't slept with anyone?' you're not sure why that's your first question, but you assume its because its the one thing you were most worried about.

'Not a soul, no-one's as good as you are baby' he smirks before letting out a huff as your foot comes into contact with his calf.

'How do I know you're gunna commit to me and me only?'

'You gotta trust me' was all he said,

'Jack if you break my heart again I swear-' you don't get to finish your sentence before Jack has his lips on yours, your hands moving to cup his face.

'Uhm' you hear behind you, you quickly turn and are met with the man you had originally been here with

'I'll just go, nice knowing you' he scoffed, grabbing his jacket and leaving

'Really? Him? Was it the shoes that did it for you?' Jack smirked, standing up and walking you over to the V.I.P room.

[sage-nebula]

Martha didn't get a Tennant Doctor because she didn't want a Tennant Doctor. Martha was the only one of RTD's companions who left the Doctor of her own volition, and only ever called him back on her own terms, when she had need of him.

Rose didn't leave the Doctor willingly. Rose was trapped in an alternate universe because it was either that or be stuck in a void with Daleks and Cybermen for the rest of time. And when she returned (primarily to warn the Doctor about the oncoming darkness caused by Davros but also because she wanted to be with him), she left with the Metacrisis Tenth Doctor and their own TARDIS because that was the only way to give her a satisfying ending from the viewpoint of the audience. (And even then, there are some fans who will tell you that nothing short of her being with the Time Lord Doctor in the prime reality is satisfying, but that just couldn't happen for reasons outside the narrative story.)

Donna didn't leave the Doctor willingly. Donna absorbed all of the intelligence of a Time Lord into her human brain, and this was going to kill her. She had to have her memory erased and be kept away from anything alien for presumably forever or else the knowledge would return and literally kill her. Donna begged the Doctor not to wipe her memory anyway, because she would rather have died than give up that life. Just like Rose, Donna had planned on staying with the Doctor for the rest of her life.

This was not the case for Martha. Setting aside the fact that Martha was treated like garbage for the duration of her season from a writing standpoint, by the end of season three Martha has realized two things: 1.) that she is goddamn brilliant and never deserved to feel like she was second best, and 2.) that she doesn't want the Doctor anymore. Unlike Rose, Donna, and Captain Jack, Martha leaves the TARDIS of her own free will, to pursue her own life and career outside the Doctor. Even Sarah-Jane says in "School Reunion" that she waited for the Doctor to come back for her; she didn't want to leave, not permanently! But Martha did. She chose to step away. The only other companion to have done this during RTD's run is Mickey, so I guess Martha wasn't the only one; still, she's the only one of the primary companions, the three women, to want to leave. She made that choice herself.

Now, does that mean everything about Martha's ending was perfect? No. As much as the "Smith and Jones" wordplay of her ending with Mickey is amusing (get it, like her first episode), it makes no sense when you consider that she was engaged when she returned in season four, and yet we never hear of that fiance again. I mean, I guess it's fine since it's not like we ever saw him? But what happened there? Why was no thought given to Martha's story there? What was she doing with Mickey in an active war zone? Why no mention of her in these three specials even though, last we heard of her, she was working with UNIT in a really important position? I like Mel well enough, but why couldn't Martha have been there instead? Especially since Martha and Donna had a preexisting friendship, and would have been delighted to see each other again?

With that said though, she doesn't need a Tennant Doctor. She didn't want a Tennant Doctor. Frankly, Tennant's Doctor doesn't deserve her with the way he acted ("Rose would know" right to her face, like -- dude, I get it, you're grieving, but that's fucking rude and Rose would NOT approve you using her memory to make another woman feel bad about herself). Martha's character arc was about recognizing her own brilliance and her own worth; standing on her own two feet as a PROPER doctor, Doctor Martha Jones, walking the earth and saving the world without a TARDIS or Torchwood or a Time Lord brain. Just her own fucking determination and brilliance.

Rose and Donna got Tennant Doctors because that was the way to make their final send-offs satisfying. Rose and a Tennant Doctor got to be in love and happy together in a parallel world, which is fitting considering that they were in love and never wanted to leave each other. Donna and a Tennant Doctor get to be besties and happy together in this reality, so that RTD has a convenient excuse to pull Tennant back into a story if he ever wants to again (since it'd be hard to explain why Tentoo came over, versus having Fourteen right there) . . . but also because, like Rose, Donna never wanted to leave the Doctor, she wanted to be with him forever.

But Martha didn't want that. Martha left on her own accord. She left with a smile on her face and her cell phone on the TARDIS console, so that when she said "here boy!" the Doctor would listen. She left on her terms, with him at her call, only there when she has use for him.

And honestly? Good for her.

[aufucker]

look I wanted to do a jack/bj thing but comedically by popular demand this just became #MakeJackPuke2024

So

Uh

CW: talks of decomp, puke

With the details of your job,  you expected the worst to be the sheer amount of gore and viscera you had to clean, the horrors of humans and the distress of lonely deaths and mental deterioration.

In reality, it was the bureaucracy. The dealings with insurance companies who were so divorced from the situations that you wondered what their purpose was beyond making you resent the nature of phones more and more.

But beyond even them, before the dreaded calls could even be considered, you had to deal with cops. And one in particular was becoming a big pain in your ass. You weren't sure if it was incompetence or just purposeless refusal that made any sign offs he did such a half assed mess that piled on your desk.

Officer Dean Whatever-The‐Fuck.

Had you not managed to dig and pry and argue your way to getting his personal number, you would have just assumed he was made up.

It was a miracle you got him on the line. Just a few papers, you told him. He spoke like *you* were an inconvenience.

"I mean, it is your job, after all." You reminded him. You wondered if your tone matched his enough. "'Less I got this badge number wrong. Can read it back to you if you want."

"No." The response was curt. You both knew it was right. "I'll sign them off tomorrow."

"Cute. We'll be cleaning the storage unit detail. You know the one, yeah? I'll have all the papers with me. I recommend parking about a block off and walking."

You weren't sure if it was a grunt or a half-hearted "mm-hmm" you heard before you were unceremoniously hung up on. You were pretty sure he didn't even hear your warning.

"Prick."

----

It was the middle of July; hottest damn day of the year so far.

A poor bastard perished in a storage unit. A hot, pressurized tin that accelerated decay. The respirators your team wore were barely enough, breathing in the humid air and the saccharine scent of boiling rot still bleeding through the seals.

It was like a bomb went off, with an odor that traveled. You were just simply in the blast radius.

You weren't sure if getting used to the stench was better or not, but the nearly desperate chugging of water was the only relief the lot of you cared about, sitting in the barely cooled shade.

A hand slapped against your bicep, an eager attempt to get your attention by your teammate. And you saw what he wanted to point out - a cop car approaching the retired scene.

Approaching the blast radius.

"Oh, shit." One murmured into the plastic bottle, a smirk struggling to keep from his lips.

"Think he's gonna puke immediately?" Asked another.

"Nah, nah, I'm feelin' a fight for it. Get a couple gags in first." Replied someone else.

"You told 'em, like, to park away from here, right, BJ?"

You finished off a other sip from your lukewarm water bottle, sighing before you spoke, "Think that dude's gonna listen to a glorified janitor?"

"Mm, nope."

"Yeah, nah."

"Welp. R.I.P. to that guy."

It was a sight you had seen time and time again, all with varying degrees of the same results.

Step out, realization, vomit.

This time, you opted to prepare a meager mercy with a spare respirator. You had a back log of documents that had to be signed, afterall. Documents you'd rather have clean.

You were just going to watch the show, first.

The man who stepped out didn't look how you expected; a lean sort of guy in a uniform that didn't seem to suit him at all, like a stuffy costume more than anything. Silvery hair in some sort of soft mohawk? You couldn't quite tell from where you were sitting.

But you certainly could tell body language.

Your teammates leaned in, watching the motions take place.

The step out from the car, the scope of the scene with the air of ego with hand on the top of the car door. If he had shades on, you'd expected him to take them off.

And then...

The balk. The impact. The punch of sweet rot to the face that made eyes bulge and a free hand hopelessly reach for the mouth. A jerk of the body, a struggle to keep from folding in on himself -- you had to admit, he was a bit more of a fighter than he looked.

He had enough sense in him to stay behind the car door, but the sounds told enough for what sight couldn't manage. The retching and the splashing of fluid on the shimmering asphalt.

It was greeted with the applause and howling of jackals. A cacophony of cleaners met with an olive glare.

You weren't shy with your amusement, but you certainly kept your volume of knowing glee down as you yelled to him,

"See, that's why I said park away! Gets worse the closer you get!"

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

you might have been asked this question before but ive been curious for a while about what would have happened when gertrude was there when jon originally gave his statement? would anything change ?

Honestly she probably would have killed him.

Like, it feels mean to say? It would have been more out of mercy than anything.

If Jon had come to her with only a Leitner, she would have taken care of the Leitner and sent him home. She doesn't normally intervene on behalf of the Statement givers, but they also aren't usually eight, and it isn't unheard of for Gertrude to intervene for the random unlucky souls who cross her path. She intervened on behalf of Jack Barnabas, and she told the monster pig dude how to handle his problem. It's selective when she intervenes, but I think if it's just a little boy scared by a book, she would help.

The thing about Gertrude is that I don’t I think she is or ever has been heartless; I just think she’s brutally practical.

One of the most interesting tidbits about her is that she looked for Eric Delano for months after he went missing, but wasn’t close enough to know that he had quit ages before he actually died. She avenged Sarah’s death by seeking out someone she had never, ever let herself meet before that moment, but she did this right after sacrificing Michael without hesitation. She seemed genuinely fond of Gerry, but she still bound him to a book.

I think that, at the end of the day, it wouldn’t be that she wouldn’t want to save Jon. It would just be that she would realize that she couldn’t.

If he had just arrived with a Guest for Mr. Spider, I think Jon would have walked away remembering her fondly as the brusk but ultimately nice old lady who had her assistant make him a cup of tea and taught him how to burn a Leitner. But he didn’t just come because of A Guest for Mr. Spider. He came because of Tommy Bradstaff.

Gertrude’s shown to be more wary of the Web than pretty much any other entity. She got tricked by them way back when she defeated her first ritual, and I don’t think she forgets. I also don’t think she would have thought it was ever a good idea to voluntarily set herself in a competition with the Mother of Puppets. Jon's eight and scared and she'd want to help him, but she also would have immediately recognized that saving him comes with a very high price tag and a very low chance of success.

I do think Gertrude would have at least tried to think of a way to save him. I just think she would have ultimately come to the conclusion that there wasn’t one.

And it’s just practicality, right? That’s the big difference between her and Jon in nhthcth. It doesn’t matter how badly she wishes she could help; she’ll accept when she can’t. But when she can, she usually racks up a very big win. Jon will wildly intervene without even considering his chances. Like, there's a reason why the Eye led him to Danny Stoker that night--it's not conscious the way humans are or the spiders are, but even pavlov's dogs learned association, and the Eye seems to be capable of that kind of low-level consciousness. When Jon finds Eric Delano's statement in canon, it's because he listened to the tapes the Eye didn't want him to hear. That implies the Eye is at least partially able to make connections based on its own impulses and desires.

Jon's its special little boy who has been resolutely fucking starving himself for almost two decades. He went and joined the eldritch version of AA with Daisy in an attempt not to feed the Eye other than when absolutely strictly necessary, and the Eye's never been happy with his starvation diet. But the one sure-fire way to get Jon to forget his sense and start ripping statements out of avatars is to shove some poor schmuck being eaten in his line of sight.

It’s pretty directly stated in nhthcth that danny isn’t the first victim of another entity he’s tried to snatch, even if he’s never gotten as involved with a pair of victims as the stoker brothers. And honestly—he almost didn’t get super involved with them either. Like, when he was trying to duck out after the initial fight at the theatre, long term involvement would have only made it worse for them. Most of the time, the absolute best chances come from "hope that they've forgotten you existed and won't come back for round two. if that fails maybe just hop continents and it will be too inconvenient for them to track you down again. buy guns." There's a pretty high mortality rate with people who hang around him, and he's not exactly expecting these random male model brothers to manage this world long-term.

If Jon’s hadn’t straight up passed out, he would have called Daisy to come pick him up and bitched to her about fucked up clowns being a problem now. He’d feel vaguely mad at himself when nikola skinned both Danny and Tim, because it’d be just another case of him trying to help and just increasing the body count, which is what happens most of the time.

I think Mike described him like someone who kept putting half dead birds in boxes and feeling disappointed when he opened the lid and saw they’d croaked. It's not unheard of for the people he helps to make it, but it's also not exactly often either. And that’s not even really to say he’s any less powerful or capable than gertrude was—honestly, between him and Daisy? They’re sort of a powerhouse duo. Like, people are afraid of hunters. At one point Dekker says that he was going up against something that would require a hunter to kill, and that while he knew a few, he would never actually risk consulting one. Amateur lobotomy it is. And Daisy is the sort of hunter that can kill other hunters. Jon’s this absolute muppet of a human being rolling up to soul-rending horror like “this is Daisy :) she is my best friend :)” and then they turn around and the Avatar of Fucking Them Up is standing there breathing too heavy and blatantly fucking insane. It’s like if kermit the frog kept bringing the fucking terminator to social events.

And Jon isn’t exactly a slouch either. Like, he’s keeping himself as weak as he can, and he’s still strolling into other entities' domains, feeding on them, and just... walking away again. These are people who are extremely used to being the human equivalent of a great white shark, more powerful and deadly than anyone else in any room they're in, but they've got this extremely distressed looking twink curb stomping them when he has reached the absolute breaking point of his Victorian Fatigue. this man keeps coming into their homes and one-shotting them after weakening himself to the point of being on death's door. jon on his own makes other avatars twitchy, but the Jon and Daisy Buddy Cop is honestly kind of one that the other avatars are somewhat actively afraid of.

Like, they'll dunk on Jon (where daisy can't see), because he's jon and he's ridiculous and pathetic at all times, but people are secretly pretty careful to toe the line of shit jon will put up with. Mike will be smarmy with Jon because he knows Jon will let him get away with it, but he also knows that if he fucks around too hard jon will put him through a psychic paper shredder and daisy will bury his corpse in the woods. It's not a secret that Daisy and Jon are strolling around feeding on and blatantly fucking murdering things like them, but none of these self-serving assholes have managed to handle a pretty active threat to their longevity. that's more because they can't than because they won't.

And still, Gertrude is pretty universally regarded as a force of nature, but Jon's still getting told that a seven percent success rate is a bit generous.

Gertrude is Gertrude Robinson, and she's the baddest bitch around, and that has a huge bit to do with her success rate. But it would be a mistake to say that the number of battles she picked didn't have something to do with why she's more successful. Like--Gertrude's going for quantity over sentiment. She'll save the world, but the individual people in it? Those aren't the fights she has ever prioritized, at the end of the day.

Almost all of the statements Jon in canon recorded were from her tenure, and Jon's follow ups usually concluded with "and then they horribly died." Gertrude was casually eating a fucking sandwich in her office and watching while Jane Prentiss decided that she couldn't be saved and went off to cram her forearm in a spooky wasp nest. She didn't help Jane. She didn't explain what was happening. She didn't try to intervene. She ate her sandwich, and she let Jane leave, and I think that at least in part she would have agreed with Jane's assessment. There wasn't any saving her, and that's a judgment that always precludes Gertrude's help.

Gertrude wins as often as she does because she picks her battles carefully. She delivers maximum damage to maximum effect, and she doesn't spin her wheels on things she knows are a waste of resources. She came right on the heels of an archivist who died because he burned through his resources and his luck, and her tenure has been marked by her being smart enough to be cautious.

I think Jon would have given her his statement. I think she would have been nice to him. I think she would have allowed herself to feel sorry for him, and sorry that he was so young, and sorry that it was too late.

I think that she would have considered what the web could have planned for him, and she would have considered how painful a fate was waiting for him if he met the End the Spider probably had planned for him. And I think she would have decided it would be crueler to let him meet it.

Gertrude in nhthcth specifically has always had a weird, twisted mercy when it came to Jon. She never manipulated him, is the thing. Elias made sure that what he did to Jon had long past the point of no return by the time Gertrude ever caught wind of his existence. As far as she was ever concerned, Jon was beyond saving from the day they met, which meant there was no point in trying. She was never going to offer him the mercy of trying to help him.

But she could have played him and she didn't. And I think that's about the most merciful action that Gertrude Robinson would have been capable of.

She knows about Agnes, okay? better than anyone. she's been bodily hauling the world as they know it through a decade of apocalypse attempts. She took one look at Jon and realized that elias had made him to wear the watcher's crown, but also that she couldn't kill him without completely alienating her resources to stop much sooner apocalypses.

But she sort of knew from the day they met that she may have to one day kill him, if only to stop him from wearing the crown. It wasn't set in stone, but it was a very significant possibility.

In chapter 24, Jon reached out to gertrude for absolutely any comfort possible, and she actually could have given it to him. She could have strung him along with false hope, or just given him a shoulder to cry on. Someone other than elias to love.

And she would have done that knowing that she was actively planning how to kill him when the time came. And she's definitely not above that kind of manipulation. Jon's extremely vulnerable when he comes to her, and he already thinks of her as a source of hope. Stringing him along and being his only source of comfort and support would give her an enormous advantage over him that she normally wouldn't ignore. But if he did die by her hands one day, as she knows he probably will, he'd finally go to his end after a very painful life being murdered by the only person that he thought loved him after he lost Gerry. Gertrude sort of uncharacteristically gave up that advantage to spare him from that final betrayal. She'd never sacrifice the world for him, she could have loved him like her own son and she would still kill him without hesitation, and she won't lie to herself about that fact either. It's a weird, twisted act of mercy to have it be turning the cold shoulder to a little boy begging for help, but in her mind, it was the most merciful option open to her.

And I kind of like the idea of Jonathan Sims in nhthcth always demanding the most painful acts of mercy of Gertrude that she's ever contemplated. Because the thing is, if she had been the one to take his Statement that day, she's almost definitely would have decided that Jon couldn't be saved. Not when the thing after him was the Web. And once she decides that, she has two options: let him meet the End waiting outside of those doors, or handle it herself.

And the thing is, her MO is to go for the former. It's not like she's mercy killing everyone who shows up and tells her of the fate worse than death that's most likely to befall them--hell, to take the risk of mercy killing is borderline out of character to her. If it were anyone else, she wouldn't have done it.

But Jon was eight. He was begging her for help that she couldn't give. And the Web has never been merciful. Either it was lying about wanting him for itself and he was going to be killed in the most slow, horrifying way possible, or it wasn't and he wasn't even going to get the mercy of death. Like, if a horrible, tragic fate is inevitable for him, Gertrude has to at least contemplate if there's an option that's more merciful than the rest.

Even giving him a less painful death is dangerous for Gertrude, but I think that's more of a price she'd be willing to contemplate. Like, killing another entity's victim is another way of snatching a meal from them. She had to at least entertain the risk that the Web would have some kind of retribution for it. But she would also entertain the fact that Jon's only sitting in the Archives because the Web let him get that far, that it wanted him to give its Statement to her, and ultimately decide that the risk is one she's willing to shoulder.

I think she would have made sure it didn't hurt. I think she would have made it quick, and made sure he didn't know it was happening. but I don't think she would have ever saved Jon the way he wanted to be saved.

If I’m being extremely generous (and self indulgent) and trying to come up with a world where she would go on a crusade to save him, and probably assuming some kind of off screen character arc that’s completely made her change her entire approach to life, I think she’d bring him to Agnes Montague.

If Jon could ever have a chance way back when he was eight, I think it would have been Agnes. Agnes is the direct opposite of the Web. She's the demigod messiah of the entity of Fucking Up All Your Life Plans. In canon, she's the one that Gertrude went to when she did need to go after the Web. If she had decided to try for him and needed to come up with an option to save him, she'd go to Agnes.

That being said, getting to that decision is just still really unlikely. For all of the above reasons and because of the difficulties Agnes poses. Even if they're in like, lesbian soul love, they've never met in person, and she doesn't really know if Agnes will help. It may attract the Lightless Flame's attention, and Jon may just end up burnt to death instead of filled with spiders. A lot of ways it could go wrong and give Jon a worse fate. It's the sort of Hail Mary play Gertrude never really did.

That line is in the summary because I thought it said everything about what the reader needed to know for Jon in nhthcth. (Also, I just thought it sounded nice.)

Jon in nhthcth is sort of defined by the fact that he has never gotten past who he was in the moment that James Wright locked him in Gertrude's office. It's one of the two cornerstones of everything he became.

The other cornerstone, of course, is Gerry.

Jon has spent his entire life trying to figure out a way that he could have been anything but what he is. It's been a decade and change, but he's never, ever been able to let go of what happened to him. And that feels at least a little off.

Maybe it's the idea that time heals all wounds, maybe it's the idea that Stockholm Syndrome should have kicked in eventually, maybe it's the evil god eating parts of his personality, maybe it's the idea that it's probably exhausting to eternally be struggling against a fate that you met when you were fucking eight. Even if he never becomes okay with what happened to him, he probably should have at least accepted it and moved on to some measure. Like, this has been his reality for almost his entire life. No matter how terrible it was, people usually adapt and acclimate to what happens to him.

One of the core traits of Jon in nhthcth was always supposed to be that Jon just didn't for some reason.

Like, Jon has not even passed the threshold of accepting what happened to him. It's all these years later, and he's desperately replaying what happened and trying to come up with the version that has him going home at the end. Even if you don't accept your current situation, you probably should have stopped trying to figure out what you could have done differently when you were eight, no matter how terrible what happened is.

At the end of the day, even with all he knows, Jon just has never understood why he couldn't have been saved.

He knows there's no Light Side at the end of the day. This isn't some big battle of Good Against Evil--it's just a series of Bad inconveniencing Other Bad because what Other Bad wants is not in the interest of what Bad wants. There's no ancient secret order battling the dark--there's just a lot of people stopping each other from ending the world because they want to be the ones to do it, and also like, Gertrude Robinson and her good-time buddy That One Random Priest. If you're looking for someone to save you in the TMA world, there just isn't really anyone.

And that's part of why Jon goes in after Danny Stoker. It's part of why he keeps undertaking the world's most half-assed rescue attempts. Trying to save Danny when his entire life has indicated that's impossible and probably going to make things worse is a deeply irrational thing to do. He probably should have learned when to walk away by now.

But a part of him is still eight, and a part of him has spent his entire life going over the worst thing that ever happened to him and trying to figure out the way to make it different.

It takes a specific sort of person to keep undertaking herculean efforts in a desperate, wild attempt to save people that he knows are as good as dead. And I think that sort of person once was someone who was as good as dead. He saves Danny Stoker because a part of him is still desperately trying to find the person who could have done the same for him.

In the end, he became the thing he once needed most in the world, which was a chance. I don't think he's realized that fact. And I don't know if he'd find it comforting if he did.

The other thing about that sentence is that it's completely and utterly pointless.

Like. It's been eighteen fucking years. At a certain point, you have to decide it doesn't matter anymore, and clinging to the question of whether someone could have saved you just doesn't help anything. But one of the other core traits of Jon in nhthcth was that he was someone who just simply did not care if what he was doing was practical or had any chances of succeeding.

He's designed to be so stubborn in it that it's almost ridiculous, and more than a little comical but it's honestly borderline sad to me. Here Jon is, making it his life's fucking mission to hold the title of World's Shittiest Employee. He is going to make his hostage situation inconvenient for everyone. He's not doing fucking paperwork; he's only here because elias kidnapped him. He can't get away, but he's going to be the absolute most unmanageable nightmare alive.

It does absolutely nothing to help him.

He doesn't think anyone in the Institute is ever going to help him. He doesn't think he's going to force Elias's hand into letting him go by racking up the most HR complaints in Institute history. It doesn't actually help him in any way to do the vast majority of what he does--it actively hurts him, actually. There's no one in the Institute who wants to help him, because they see him as a nuisance. When he causes Elias too much trouble, Elias punishes him for it. It'd be better from a consequentialist perspective to have settled into some kind of facade of normalcy, but he hasn't. Because playing along, going along with the facade as an Institute employee--he'd have to at least implicitly admit that what happened to him isn't relevant anymore. Sure, Elias kidnapped him and fed him to an ancient, primordial hunger from the dawn of civilization, but by god, he has his monthly staff meeting to get to, and that's too important to make a fuss about the first thing.

It's kind of sad, because while the Institute didn't know the entire picture, nineteen-year old Martin almost immediately said "wow, that blatantly unstable child sure does act like he's being severely abused." Elias had to feed him a story about an entirely different abuser to dodge the world's most needed CPS visit, and Martin still almost turned around and reported Elias literally the same afternoon. Yeah, Elias had a story for the institute to explain jon's Everything, but they really didn't have to buy it.

Like, willful ignorance absolutely played a role in it. Part of it was Elias was their boss and nobody wanted to be the one to accuse him of child abuse. It was easier to accept his lies at face value and not stick their neck out for him. Part of it was just that Jon's never been a very likable victim for them. He wasn't some tearful damsel they could swoop in and save--he smoked too much and was angry and loud about it. And once they made that initial decision to ignore their misgivings, the chances of anyone breaking that pattern got extremely low. No one wants to admit to themselves that they ignored a little kid in an extremely abusive household just because his abuser was their boss and they didn't like the kid all that much. Martin kind of hit Jon like a grenade when he first joined up and actually gave a shit if he was okay.

Of course, this all means that Jon's spent the past decade or so being told by everyone who could see him hurting that his upset at the soul-crushing pain he was in was inconvenient to them and it's rude of him to be so loud about it, could he do that somewhere else, because it really doesn't matter. and he's still there saying "it does matter. it matters to me."

Just--doing pointless things because if he doesn't then they stop mattering and they have to matter somehow defines so much of what he does.

When he was a little boy, Gerry told him that the clothes you wore were meant to be things that make you feel like you, that were who you were or wanted to be, and Jon decided that the parts of him that he loved were made up of other people. It's been fourteen years since he told him that, and out of all the people he's tried to make himself with, Daisy is the only one he still has in his life. He wears the secondhand clothes of people who he lost without anyone else caring to preserve a self that people are actively trying to kill. The fact that he feels more like him when he wears Gerry's coat only matters to the extent that he lets it. He makes pointless interventions on behalf of people he knows he probably can't save, because if he doesn't, then he fact that they needed help to begin with didn't matter. It only mattered whether they could have been saved; needing to be saved doesn't factor in.

I basically wanted him to be the opposite of Basira. Basira was the world's most polite hostage in Season 3. Martin had to actually ask her if she was aware she was in a hostage situation. Her entire thing was that there was no point in getting upset at something you couldn't change--you either got on as best you could or you found a way to change it anyway. That's the exact opposite to nhthcth Jon's approach to life--the Web even pokes fun at him for it in chapter 9. A spider's prey thrashes itself to death trying to get out of its web. Jon's just--flailing like a fly struggling against a web. Gertrude always conserved her resources and energy for where it would matter most, but he exhausts himself on things he knows wouldn't succeed. It doesn't make any practical sense, but there's something viscerally human about it still.

And the last thing that sentence tells you about Jon is that he is someone who has to believe in the lightning strike.

The thing is? Jon knows about pretty much everything this post discussed. No one really knew Gertrude, but if there was someone who did, it was him. He's been hanging around her since he was a little kid. It's been stated that she personally tried to teach him to some degree, though, and we've seen that she's stated to his face that she would not have tried to save him if she had been the one to take his statement. She never really represented a chance at things having gone differently to begin with.

But he still thinks of her specifically when he tries to find the version of himself that isn't this. Because even if she was never really a chance, she was still the biggest chance he had.

Jon was eight. He knew jack all when this started, and he was going up against the most dangerous entity there was. He was never going to come up with a place to go to that wasn't the Magnus Institute, and he was never going to outsmart the Web on his own. Gertrude Robinson was the only one who he ever had a snowball's chance of crossing paths with who wasn't like, actively evil.

There's basically nil chance of her having had some kind of midlife crisis right before he showed up and deciding that this is the one she must save and damn the consequences. There's an even smaller chance of her actually pulling it off and saving him from the Web. But that was the biggest chance he had, and he can't help but cling to it.

Sometimes, you have to beat the odds. Sometimes, lightning strikes.

If you believe in the idea of the multiverse, and that everything that can happen will happen, there is a Jon out there in some far-off universe who walked into the Magnus Institute and met Gertrude Robinson instead of James Wright. There is a Gertrude Robinson who, against all odds, decided that Jon was worth the costs of saving him, who fought tooth and nail to save him and won. It's a fairytale he tells himself, but the idea of someone kind enough to put him in a car so they could drive all about, go on adventures, and find places with rain was also a fairytale he once heard, and it still happened. Gerry was his lightning strike.

And that's really the crux of it. In order for Jon to have loved Gerry the way he did, he had to be someone who would bank everything on odds that were a lot smaller than being struck by lightning. Jon needs to be the type of person who will believe in chances that barely exist, because if he doesn't, he could have never made he decisions he had to make to stay by Gerry's side.

Gerry Keay was not Gertrude Robinson, and he definitely was not anywhere near her caliber when he was the little boy who tried to take Jon and run. They live in a world that tears into your soul, that Marks you in a way that cannot be removed and that never, ever lets you go. It's monsters eating other monsters, and they were both very small and very damned from the get-out. The chances of Jon Sims and Gerry Keay saving each other were always so much smaller than the chances of Gertrude Robinson saving him, and he knew it. If he couldn't believe that there was at least a chance that Gertrude would have saved him, then he couldn't believe that he and Gerry ever had a chance of finding their way home.

We still don't know where Gerry is in 2013, why he isn't there, but we know that Daisy saw him with Jon in 2011, kicking each other under the table for making ill-timed jokes to a monster who wanted to kill them. They first ran in 1999. That's twelve years of betting everything on odds south of a lightning strike. It takes specific kinds of people to do that. It takes people who will take the worst odds possible because they're the only ones they have.

There's no power of love or friendship or hope in that universe, but I think Jon and Gerry wanted to believe that they could love each other to the point of survival. They were looking at a world where, in the whole span of human history, love had not made a lick of difference to the things they faced, and they were asking to be the exception. Wondering if Gertrude Robinson would have saved him... it's hardly the most improbable thing Jon's ever let himself believe.

[artificial-ascension]

I like to imagine Beyond's hypothetical shinigami dad (mom? I just find it more likely he was human born since he's... clearly a human with at least one shinigami power and if he was birthed by a shinigami he'd probably be more like a nerfed shinigami just by like... Pokemon breeding logic I guess) is a shinigami we haven't seen rather than a pre existing character simply because 1. That's another character oh boy how fun and 2. I feel like there'd have to be some ramifications of making such a beast. Like if extending human life is a crime punishable by instant death how is making another human also not a punishable offense? Like at the very least put them in time put for that. Don't just let them hang about with everyone else.

Anyway my personal take is that B's shinigami dad was summoned (I imagine there has to be some way to summon a shinigami, or at least ask for one to come down or something) by some shinigami worship cult or whatever and for whatever reason, decided to bone some human women and create Beyond Birthday. The shinigami king was like hey, what the fuck dude, penis privilege revoked for all of you and Beyond's father was permanently shunned by the rest of the shinigami because jacking off was the only other thing to do besides gambling.

The shinigami king had to make a whole bunch of rules about how Beyond should even function and assigned his father to look over him to make sure he wasn't being too much of an issue. Beyond's dad was already a very finicky and active shinigami so following some guy around earth wasn't ideal but he got to spend time with his kid I guess.

He never actually showed himself to B, kinda just doing paranormal shit like dropping things or moving things in his room when he wasn't in there. The reason why was that he didn't need B going full crazy and trying to convince everyone he was haunted by some freaky monster because B was already something of an outcast and didn't need another reason for people to hate him.

One interesting little idea I had was the concept of shinigami eye inheritance. My idea going that the eyes are a recessive trait and can only be introduced into the gene pool by someone having a child while they had the eyes. If both parents have them when the kid in conceived a child with be born with the eyes. B's mom made the deal and his dad was obviously a shinigami so he has the eyes. Now an interesting side effect of carrying the gene means there is a chance to recognize the vague visage of shinigami without touching a notebook. Not being fully capable, but still understanding that something was there. Basically, A happened to carry the gene because someone in his family had they eyes in the past meaning he could see B's dad following him. Now obviously B's father didn't account for this because honestly the chance of a human carrying that gene is so extremely slim and he only made an effort to hide himself from B so A got to see the distorted face of death and maybe that may have acounted in his unfortunate demise but hey he was gonna die young anyway and at least the visage of a death god haunting your friend helps inspire you to make cool horror art.

Oh also the reason B wasn't killed instantly is because the shinigami king was curious as to how his life would go. It went bad but he was amused by the LABB murder cases (obviously shinigami kid would not be in trouble for murder, it's literally in his blood.)

[bulbabutt]

I haven’t watched TFP, but I was curious about your tag mentioning the TFP hated women so much that it drove you crazy on your Arcee design post, so may I ask what you mean?

(And like, yeah, Transformers being misogynistic isn’t a big surprise, but I’m asking for the specific problems TFP has, rather than say TFA, which I’m more familiar with)

((Still really fucking pissed at TFA Arcee’s treatment too, btw))

OOF OKAY WELL LETS SEE HOW LONG THIS GETS

number 1: agreed on the animated arcee treatment. that show suffered from the blackarachnia versus arcee dichotomy of women, the good and the bad, on top of the using a womans tragic backstory to push forward a mans character motivation. they did it TWO TIMES, with BOTH their female characters. their characters dont end up being their own because their backstories both feed in to their respective male counterparts motivations (optimus and ratchet) and like...... while i LOVE animated they didnt do a very good job at all with the women (sari is more so a child character as a whole than a woman character, but also something something all 3 women are like biologically weird plot devices? so thats. hrm. also the oversexualization of sari when shes forcibly aged. also shes south asian and so the oversexualizing hits harder etc etc) basically its a whole can of worms but a good scene setter to talk about prime with.

so animated is cancelled because "the hub" network is making its own transformers show, but this ones written by the live action movie writers. uh oh. those arent written very well at all. i believe their intention was "you can write a movie but way longer and do more stuff" which isnt really... how that should work. anyway the way both minorities and women are represented by those bad movies is really bad, theyre very pro military anti minority conservative garbage that i genuinely think has warped a lot of young minds at the time and its a problem now. human women being objectified and placed as reward in the narrative and all that. robot women WE CANT DO ROBOT WOMEN THATS TOO CONFUSING!!!! oh ok you get one. ok she died. are you happy women? now a show written by them.

now on its surface, here we finally have a girl transformer in the main lineup, thats good! on its surface, arcee is a main character, a badass warrior. if youve been on my blog ive talked before about this weird mid 2000s switch up to making girl characters becoming less girly and more like. idk tomboyish? more cool and into guy stuff, that kind of comes about from the ALL MALE writing teams going "well we dont know how to write a girl/we dont wanna be sexist" but they dont actually know how to write women. so arcee's characterization is like. oh shes cold and serious and has a tragic past. its like a dude character, how do we write tragic backstories for dude characters? we fridge their women. so we just do that in reverse. what they did with her was give her TWO tragic backstories, one being that her "partner" cliffjumper dies and shes mad and wants revenge. and the other is that her "partner" tailgate dies and she wants revenge. basically her motivations allllll revolve around men. its not about what she goes through, its all about that she's a "woman scorned". its not even that it implies romance, the show never gives you a clear picture of what "partner" actually means in either context. this is topped off by pairing her with a teenage boy. in fairness, three of the transformers get paired off with a kid, but oh boy do a lot of problems arise from this specific pairing.

so number one: women being objectified is a problem in general, but it comes across worse when the woman can turn into a literal object and you dont think about the repercussions of that. jack darby sees a cool motorcycle parked and he just... he sits his ass down on it. it violates her personal space, and then he continues to use her body to show off to teenage girls. this is the basis of their relationship, that she looked like a cool vehicle he wanted so he claimed her. yes, he didnt know she was a person, but narratively we do. this will continue to be a thing over the series, arcee is jacks object now, he owns her and thus can use her to show off. what does arcee think of being used this way? not important. outside of her relationships with jack cliffjumper and tailgate, we dont really know a damn thing about arcee. its all about her traumas over MEN. be it romantic or platonic, the show cant tell the difference, because jacks MOM enters the picture like "you seem to be out late with some GIRL who is she" and thus there is beef between the two. because... you know women.

speaking of jacks mom: she should have been in the show as a regular paired off with ratchet. shes a nurse and hes an ambulance. are the writers stupid? its so fucking obvious. but no, she exists to have beef with arcee on behalf of being jacks mom. which makes it more clear that they're trying to say..... SOMETHING weird about jack and arcee.... aaaaaand then as a romantic interest for fowler. shes here because of her son and romance partner.

arcee is this cool warrior whos done all this stuff and is trying to keep the world safe and her people a secret, BUT JACKS MOM THINKS SHES IN THE GARAGE! so she better get back there for his sake! also shes so cool and level headed and doesnt want to drag race a punk kid who's making fun of jack BUT THEN HE SAID SHE WAS FAT SO NOW SHE CANT HELP BUT BE MAD! thats basically her personality as it stands throughout the show. oh she also makes fun of bulkhead for showing emotion one time. cuz like.... girls! being! sexist! to! show! theyre! cool!!!!

anyway. theres an issue with the writing of all the kids, cuz their plot relevance is really weak and felt super forced to keep them all in the story, many other versions of tf have done this better, but they basically force a relationship between characters and say "yep thats it thats the set up every child has their own pet robot, done and done"

one of these kids is MIKO. oh miko. in a world in which this show was good they would have combined the child characters and just had it be miko, because this poor girl is so disrespected by the narrative. she's presented as a "wild child" and thus paired off with bulkhead, whos a big bruiser who now has to act as her handler. she gets into trouble with the transformers a lot, like sneaking on missions and not taking the disguise part seriously. cuz like....shes stupid or something! haha isnt that funny! shes an exchange student from japan, she offhandedly says things about getting detention and things about her home stay parents being afraid of her. we get NO ELABORATION. we meet jacks mom, we see raf's family, THIS PART NEVER COMES UP AGAIN. miko clearly has no support system outside of the transformers, and she is often disrespected and made fun of by jack specifically and the narrative never makes him feel bad about it. each kid feels ownership over their robot, and the most change she ever gets to go through is having bulkhead almost die and so she's sad about it (also this is the only time she has a heart to heart with arcee. ABOUT A MALE CHARACTER) like if we could combine all the kids traits into one kid and have it be miko, a wild child whos good with computers and make june darby her home stay mom who eventually notices she keeps being missing that would make it way stronger of a character. also shes suffering from that alt asian girl colour streak syndrome, cuz she wouldnt be characterful enough if she wasnt also alt. if she didnt like punk music and monster trucks who would she be? the writers dont care.

and then for our LAST girl character we have blackarachnia I MEAN AIRACHNID. totally new character. uh. okay so you know how blackarachnia in animated was just like.... a succubus? which felt bad there? its worse here. shes a very one dimensional villain, which is fine, but they couldnt even keep her as being arcee's arch nemesis without literally redoing the same backstory they had just given her with cliffjumper. first they write cliffjumper as her partner and he's killed by starscream. then okay, arcee has an old nemesis from cybertron and thats airachnid what did she do? kill her PREVIOUS partner tailgate.

o_____O

you just....... you did it again? are you serious? they could only think of ONE way a woman would have any motivation and they just. did it two times. and they made that the basis of the whole beef, so even though this story could be the one to give you some toxic yuri ass relationship between these two women, it literally ends up being about men. AND THEN it's "shes gonna kill jack, arcees NEW partner"

do you see what im getting at? every woman revolves around men. they cant have motivations outside of men. they cant have any traits that make them interesting on their own. and even then, they dont know what to do with airachnid when she joins the decepticons so they just have megatron try to get her killed and she fucks off for a while, coming back to be turned into a LITERAL. LIIIIITERAL SUCCUBUS at the end. im not joking, they make her suck the energon out of men and shes on moon somewhere just doing that and thats how her story ends. like you can tell they casted a lot of bigger voice actors and had to get rid of them somehow but JESUS. double down on the issue with animated blackarachnia here ffs

aaaand. im pretty sure thats all the women. but yeah. none of them are well characterized, none of them have much agency if any at all. and on top of that, they are NOT allowed to be girly. arcee isnt pink PURELY because it would be weird to have a boy ride a pink motorcycle. arcee actually HATES pink (even though she is partially pink) and the writers literally make her say that. like why. just to show off "see shes not a GIRLY girl. shes just a girl"

like prime is bad for many reasons, like its depiction of disabled characters, turning bumblebee into raf's pet robot (who raf can magically understand without ANY explanation) without a care in the world for what he thinks or feels until he can speak again. like theres smalllll amounts of times he gets some good characterization, but for the most part he has no agency (see speed metal, an episode where jack asks RAF's permission to use bumblebee in a race, not bumblebee cuz he cant talk how could he have a choice). theres also weird characterization of bulkhead, which didnt really hit me until seeing him in RID alongside that grimlock, its only 2 black voiced characters who are very violent and clumsy and not very smart. uh. thats not good! there's also levels of homophobia to its depictions of starscream and knockout, things we can look back on now like "haha its camp" but at the time like. no they were writing it that way cuz its funny that they're queer. starscream being a complete fop IS the joke. calling him a "stiletto heeled freak" IS the joke. its a really bigoted show on top of just being written SUPER poorly. so you can all around TELL its written by the writers of the movies.

this got ramble-y but you activated my trap card, prime is the worst show because its presents itself as super cool and serious and dark while being written by bigoted idiots who couldnt write their way out of a wet paper back. "oh we ran out of money to pay this actor so we killed their character" THEN STOP MAKING BRAND NEW CHARACTERS MAKING YOUR TEAM DESIGN MODEL AND RIG THEM AND HIRING BRAND NEW PEOPLE TO PLAY THEM EVERY 2 EPISODES JUST TO HAVE THEM NARRATIVELY DO NOTHING AND THEN DIE!!! dumb. dumb show. dumb show so stupid. so stupid and it thinks its not stupid because its so so stupid. (doing the frankie from community bit cuz this is the way i calm myself down cuz the show makes me so mad because its so stupid lmfao)