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jimlingss · 4 years

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Black Waltz [2/2]

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 [Finale]

➜ Words: 13.6k

➜ Genres: 70% Fluff, 30% Angst, Butler!AU

➜ Summary: When your parents pass away in an accident, a family secret is revealed. The only person you can trust and rely on is your personal butler, Kim Taehyung.

The train whistles. A moment later, the wheels are rolling against the steel rails. It starts slow, a gradual chug like a meander through the street that builds up and races past the town. You rest your throbbing head against your propped up hand, enduring the nauseating nature of the train. Each breath you take is shallow and you feel your skin warm underneath the pads of your fingers. At the same time, it feels cold and the blanket does little to help. You haven’t eaten much, not like you could even stomach it now. Taehyung keeps fretting over you — you can tell with the way he glances at you every so often, how he takes your suitcase from your hands, how he asks if you would like tea. You’re too weak to argue with him and insist you’re fine. So you stay quiet, knowing that soon enough, you’ll be home. And you bear it for six hours. “My lady?” Taehyung’s brows furrow and you merely nod as he helps you off the carriage. The coachman is paid and thanked and you’re taking Taehyung’s arm for the walk up the slope to the estate. “When we get home, draw a bath for me, Taehyung.” “Will do. You should rest—” “Y/N!” There’s a shrill shriek of your name that aches your head and you lift your eyes to find your aunt and cousin at the black gates. Aunt Marie grabs fistfuls of her red skirt and stomps over to you. “Where did you go for so long? None of your maids let me inside the house.” “Good,” you exhale and narrow your eyes at the two of them. It takes each of your laboured breaths to speak. “I thought I told you never to step onto the estate again.” “Y/N, please.” Hoseok comes forward. “I have something important to talk to you about.” “Can it wait another day?” You’re about to brush past them, but your aunt doesn’t let you. “Your father would be disappointed in how you treat your only family, Y/N. You’re not a young child who can throw a tantrum anymore, do you understand the consequences of any of your actions? Yet you have the audacity to try to sever our family ties—” “Her ladyship has spoken.” Taehyung steps in front of you, shielding you with his larger body. “If you wish to speak to her, come another day.” Your aunt’s teeth grit and venom-laced words are spat out, “How dare you speak to me this way! You’re a mere butler!” “Stop.” You grab onto Taehyung’s arm, lids becoming heavy as the seconds pass. But most of all, you’re dizzy. It’s hard to keep upright. “Sto..p.” “A guard dog!” There are shouts, but the sounds are intelligible as if they’re farther away from them. As if you’re at the end of a tunnel. Your vision dims, black closing in from all angles to the center of my eyes. The noise of hitting the ground never comes. Taehyung’s caught you in his arms. // When you come to, you’re laying in your bed, dressed in silk sleepwear with the covers wrapped around you. You’re weakened, sweat slipping from your forehead and shivering from chills. “Miss. Arden.” There’s a doctor looking down at you and once Taehyung hears him call you, he rushes to your side. “Miss. Arden? Are you awake?” The old man is noisy and you muster the strength to lift your hand mid-air. Taehyung immediately knows what you want and helps you sit upright. You lean on your weight on him. “What happened?” “You fainted,” he murmurs. “It’s good to see you’re alert.” The doctor smiles and leans down to his briefcase. He must’ve been called by Taehyung. You hear the clacking of bottles. “Luckily, your illness doesn’t seem to be smallpox. Vicious illness that is. Past the age for scarlet fever as well.” You wonder if you’ll die. You know your health has never been the greatest. “Is it measles?” He shakes his head, continuing to ruffle through his belongings. “Fortunately, you don’t have a single rash which tells me it’s not one of the sicknesses out there. Ah! Found it.” Your eyes dart to how he places a bottle on your bedside table and he closes up the latches on his suitcase. The doctor then takes a seat on the chair beside your bed. “Can I ask if you’ve been...anxious recently, Miss. Arden?” “Why?” “I suspect the symptoms are arising from your mind.” Your brows furrow. “You think I am putting on an act and falsifying my condition?” “Not quite.” The old man smiles. “I believe the anxiousness and stress from your environment is most likely worsening your naturally weak constitution. Many of my fellow physicians don’t believe that such physical ailments can arise by the mental, but I for one…” He taps his temple. “...think the mind can be quite powerful.” The doctor takes his suitcase. “I have given you medicine to help with the dizziness and your fever, but you must rest, Miss. Arden. If you wish to live a long life to be as old as I am, you must rest, rest, and rest. And perhaps….have a change of scene.” He offers a kind smile, but before he can leave, you call out to him. “Please keep this a secret. Unless you want to bear the consequences.” He nods, still with a warm expression. “I understand.” The doctor leaves and for once, Taehyung doesn’t see him out. He stays right beside you and the room simmers into a quietness. After a beat, you’re moving, shifting the sheets from your body. But he stops you, placing a hand over your hand. “Where do you think you’re going?” “My aunt and cousin were here, weren’t they? Something may have happened while I was gone. I should at least write a letter to Min Yoongi and find out if the company—” “Didn’t you hear what the doctor said? You need rest.” “He was speaking nonsense. There’s no illness that comes from the mind, Taehyung.” “He’s one of the best doctors in Trulia,” he deadpans, guiding you down against your will. Taehyung pulls the blankets up to your chin. “So stop being stubborn and listen to him. Nothing will happen if you rest.” You’re too weak to get up on your own and struggling to only make you more weary. You resort to scoffing at him, eyes pointed in a glare. “You’re stepping over the line, Kim Taehyung. You are supposed to obey my every word.” “Then punish me.” You huff out at his challenge. He wants to act like you won’t. But Taehyung can be even more willful than you and he wins when your eyes start to droop. You hear him tell you to ‘sleep’ and like magic, you fall into a deep slumber. ... Unbeknownst to the two of you, Jane is creeping outside the room behind an ornate vase, having eavesdropped on the conversation through the crack of the door. That night, when not a soul is in the corridor, the girl slips from her room and creeps out of the manor. Her steps quicken down the path leading to the black gates, holding a flickering oil lamp in hand to illuminate the way. There, outside of the bars separating the world from this estate, is your aunt shrouded in the darkness. “She’s ill. The doctor said the sickness is from her mind.” The thin lips of the older woman curls and she snickers before it breaks into a full laugh. “It won’t be long before she’s sent to a madhouse then.” She looks at the maid. “Very good. You’ll be greatly rewarded for this.” “Thank you, madam.” // For the coming days, Taehyung doesn’t allow you out of bed except in times for a bath. If it were anyone else, you’d reprimand them. You hate feeling like a child. You despise being coddled like one. But Taehyung is Taehyung and even he knows that you won’t go against him for long. Sometimes you wonder who the real master and servant is. “The cook made you porridge. I told them not to add in any thyme. If you don’t want it, I’ll ask them for something else.” “It’s fine.” You know Taehyung won’t leave until he sees you eat, so leaning on the headboard, you deadpan to him, “Feed me.” The corner of his mouth tugs. “If you insist.” He holds the silver bowl, lightly blowing over the spoonful before it carefully meets your lips. “It’s bland.” “Too much seasoning will upset your stomach and you won’t be able to take your medicine.” “I want that doctor dead.” Taehyung smiles. “If that’s what you’d like, mistress.” He blows over another dreadful spoonful and extends his arm. Your lips part to eat and he watches you with a tender expression. “The household funds need to be looked at.” “I’ll take care of it tonight.” He feeds you another spoon. You swallow it gingerly. “The company?” “I sent a letter to Mr. Min. Your cousin’s taken bigger means to try and take over, but as you let Mr. Min deal with it as he chooses, your cousin went away after a police report was made. It’s been quiet for the past few days.” “He’ll be back,” you sigh when the spoon is at your mouth, but Taehyung doesn’t give up, so you part your lips. He makes sure to carefully wipe the corner of your mouth with his thumb. “And my aunt?” “She hasn’t returned. I’ll send her away if she does.” “I need to speak to Detective Jeon.” “Then I’ll set up a meeting in the week.” Once you’ve finish the porridge, Taehyung smiles and leans in close to briefly press the back of his hand to your forehead. “What would I do without you, Taehyung?” you murmur, gazing at him. “Nothing would change. I’d find you anyhow,” he says. “Now sleep.” You nod and lay back down with your stomach warm and full. Your lashes flutter shut and Taehyung slips out with the tray in hand. Taehyung knows you’ve gotten better. But he needs to keep you from being upset, from having to lash out. And he’ll do whatever it takes. After all, he doesn’t know how much longer your body or mind will be able to take it. “B-Butler Kim?” He’s stopped in the middle of the hall as Rose rushes to him. He’s always been able to pick her out in the house. Rose is the shortest and youngest, but also the one who tries her hardest — you weren’t wrong in choosing her. “What’s the matter?” The young girl’s voice drops into a whisper. “There’s a man at the front gates…” He nods, posture straightening, steps becoming firm. The end of his tailcoat slices through the air in his strides and he makes it to the kitchen before walking right out of the manor to the front. There, Jimin and another maid are at a loss of what to do. But the moment they see Taehyung, there’s almost an audible sigh of relief. “Butler Kim!” Your uncle is on the other side of the gate, exasperated. “There you are! Tell these servants to let me in! I only want to see my poor, sick niece!” Taehyung moves his head towards the pair and they take the sign to scurry away while they have the chance. He opens the latches of the gate and the older man’s eyes light up. But instead of being let in, Taehyung slips out. “My apologies, her ladyship isn’t taking guests at the moment.” “Guests?!” Seokjin is entirely offended. “I am her only uncle!” “If there is any message you would like to relay, then please let me know.” “No, I must see her in person.” He shakes his head adamantly and then dabs the area underneath his eyes with his hand. “Poor, poor, Y/N. I hurried here the moment I heard she was sick. I am the only uncle she has and she is my only niece. Who else will care for her but I?” Taehyung’s arms are placed behind his back. No one sees the way his white gloved hands curl into tight fists. Yet he maintains a bright smile. “I’ll let her ladyship know that you send your best wishes then. Although...I’m afraid she may not be able to take your words to heart after you sent a man to try to kill her.” Seokjin’s eyes widen in shock. His mouth drops. He staggers back. Taehyung’s height towers over him, his smile frightening. “Y-You!” Your uncle flounders. “You have no proof!” “But there are witnesses,” Taehyung bluffs with an unconcerned hum. “I’m sure that man would tell you, right? I may have thrown him off the train, but I believe he is still alive and unfortunately, only severely harmed. But I must say, sir, that you chose the wrong person. He confessed it was you quite easily. Who knows what he would say to policemen.” The older man is flabbergasted, lurching backwards away from Taehyung as if he’s a monster. Seokjin almost falls down, but grips the brick half-wall as leverage. “The only reason you have yet to be arrested is due to her ladyship’s utmost compassion. But I must say her tolerance is wearing thin and mine,” Taehyung chimes, “no longer exists!” “T-T-T-This is outrageous! Outrageous, I say!” Seokjin frantically turns around and hobbles away. He glances over his shoulder and flinches when Taehyung waves. Taehyung then turns on his heel and closes the gate, strolling back into the manor. For some reason, he doesn’t think he’ll see your uncle for a while. // The next day, there’s a knock at your door while you’re seated at your round table, out of bed against the doctor’s orders and much to Taehyung’s dismay. “Come in.” A certain maid peeks her head inside. “My lady.” “Jane.” You perk with a smile. “What is it?” She grins and enters. “I wanted to ask if you’d like anything.” “I’m fine, thank you. On the contrary, how are you? Is everyone in this house treating you well?” “Y-Yes.” She dips. “I’m doing well, my lady. Everyone treats me fairly.” “Good.” You look at her carefully through sharpened eyes. “If I may comment…” “Yes?” “You are quite pretty,” you praise and Jane blushes with a modest ‘thank you’. “It’s not often I have someone so attentive by my side, good work. I’ll call on you when I need you.” “Yes, my lady.” Jane smiles and leaves. On her way out, she passes by a familiar doe-eyed man beside Butler Kim in the hall. Yet neither man speaks a single word and as she turns the corner, pressing herself to the wall, the door slams shut. There’s not even a muffle or sound. She curses underneath her breath and leaves before someone catches her. “I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been well, Miss Y/N.” Detective Jeon approaches you, taking off his top hat. “Yes, well, I’ve been getting better.” You look over at your butler who already has his brows knitted together seeing you up. Your expression warms. “Will you get Detective Jeon and I some tea, Taehyung?” He bows with a hand over his chest. “Right away, mistress.” Taehyung swiftly leaves as Detective Jeon takes a seat across from you, placing his briefcase down. “I received your letter. I’m sorry to hear Arthur Kahl wasn’t who you were looking for.” “What’s done is done. Do you have anything new?” “Unfortunately I don’t have any leads at the moment. I’m still in the process of tracing your parents’ history and seeing if there is anything unusual.” “If you ever need something, let me know. I am still willing to pay a generous sum for your services.” He nods and his doe eyes pin onto you as he leans back into the chair. “I must say there is one thing I am curious about.” “What is it?” “If I may pry…” He folds his hands together, brown irises sparkling. “What is your relationship with Butler Kim?” Your brow cocks. “He’s my most trusted confidant.” The answer comes to mind without trouble. Taehyung is the only person you can rely on. The person you come to if you have trouble. The person who you know will always be there. He is your person. “Is that all?” You don’t know where he’s trying to get at and your eyes narrow. “Why are you asking?” The corner of Detective Jeon’s lip curls, melting into a pleasant expression and overly boyish smile. “It’s in a detective’s nature to be curious. It’s the reason I’m good at my job, Miss. Y/N. I just find it unusual considering butlers and mistresses aren’t as close as you two are.” Your face remains stoic. “What are you implying?” “You probably know perfectly what I’m implying.” With the vase of flowers set on the table, he leans over to fiddle with a petal. Detective Jeon doesn’t seem the kind to double-cross you, or at least he would never risk his professional name to spread rumours about your private affairs. He seems to be genuinely curious, so you entertain him. “Since my parents' abrupt passing, I’ve succeeded my father’s position and become the head of the Arden house. I’ve also become the target of countless.” “With power comes unwanted attention,” he chimes as if he’s seen it many times. “People are trying to kill me, use me, dispose of me every second of each hour. I won’t endanger anyone unnecessarily. I have to look further than such frivolous emotions.” Detective Jeon lets go of the flower petal, appearing more amused than before. “Funny. He said something quite similar.” You frown, not sure what he’s talking about. “Did he also tell you to get out and stop poking your nose into things you’re not getting paid for?” The man laughs. “Will do.” He takes his suitcase, tips his hat as a goodbye and opens the door. He passes by the man that the pair of you were just talking about, and grins. “Looks like I won’t be needing that tea, Butler Kim. I’ll come back when I have new information to share. Until then…” Detective Jeon strolls down the corridor and Taehyung looks at you. “That was quick.” “Never mind him.” You beckon your butler over with a single gesture. “Taehyung.” “Yes?” “I’m hungry.” He smiles. “What would you like to have, my lady?” // The Arden manor is distinct. Not just because of its sheer size and that it sits on a stretch of green behind black gates. Or that it’s hidden on an uphill climb away from the bustle of the city. The roof is steeply-pitched, arches pointed and the front-facing gables are laden with a wooden trim. Each part of the house’s exterior is narrow with sharp edges. It was built many years ago, yet it looks like it’ll be decades before it falls apart. Rather, much of the colour has washed away from the stone. The interior is no different, frequently decorated in dark oak or shades of maroon, from the carpet to the walls. Sunlight does little and candlelight only casts more shadows from the flickering flame. The only real colour on the estate is the gardens outside. “Jimin!” The gardener looks up, holding shears in hand. “What are you doing here, Rose?” Said girl is precariously balancing a silver tray in hand, but she still manages to grin. “I’m bringing tea to her ladyship. I just thought I’d take the path outside. What flowers are you trimming?” “Oh just pruning the rose bushes of the late madam’s.” His expression softens. “Lady Y/N doesn’t seem to care much for it, but that doesn’t mean I can let it become messy. This is the least I can do.” The twelve year old admires the older man’s earnest personality. Jimin seems to genuinely like flowers and tending to them. “When will they bloom?” “Surely in the next few weeks and when they do, it’ll look beautiful.” She can imagine it already. “Would you like me to bring a snack for you later?” Jimin’s eyes become enlarged in delight. “Really?” Rose nods with an enormous smile. “There’s leftover bread and cheese in the kitchen.” “I...I couldn’t. Isn’t that for her ladyship?” “She wouldn’t mind,” she insists. At the Arden estate, she’s eaten better than she ever did back at the orphanage. Butler Kim’s quite kind as well. He doesn’t mind what’s taken from the kitchen as long as there’s enough for you which everyone makes sure there always is. “Well alright then.” The gardener eases. “But you shouldn’t leave her waiting for too long!” “Right!” She hurries along before the tea gets cold. “I’ll come back later!” Jimin waves and Rose enters through the other door, up the stairs, and down the corridor. She almost spills the teacup at one point as it’s rattling against the tray, but she finds her balance and knocks. “Come in.” The door opens and you look up from your desk. The phonograph in the corner of the room is playing a muffled symphony of violins and trumpets. It sounds beautiful, an entrancing melody that makes her stuck in her spot too long before she snaps out of it. Rose ducks her head and comes over. “Butler Kim told me it’s time for your afternoon tea.” “He really is bothersome,” you sigh, putting down the document. It hasn’t even been ten minutes since you entered the study. You’re not sure what the point of trying to work is when he’s constantly distracting you with excuses of teatime or insisting it’s time for a walk. The young girl smiles. “Butler Kim just cares a lot, my lady.” “I know.” She places the porcelain teacup down, and her hand is shaky as she tries to pour the tea. It splashes on the outside saucer and she flinches, but you don’t say anything. “Do you like it? The music.” “It’s nice.” She admits, “I never got to listen to music much before.” “You can come in any time to listen if you’d like.” At your offer, Roses eyes become rounded and your mouth tugs. “If all your duties are done, that is.” “T-Thank you! I will!” You sip on your tea while your eyes flicker down to your paper. Then you set the cup down and direct your attention to the girl. “Do you know how to read and write, Rose?” Her cheeks burn in embarrassment as she shakes her head. “I know the letters but that’s all. Even then, it takes me a long time.” “Bring that chair over then.” The young maid is surprised, but follows your instructions, dragging the chair beside you. You smile at her, not wanting to admit that it is nice to take a break. Or that it’s pleasant to help someone as well. “Write out what letters you know for me.” She nods and awkwardly grips the fountain pen. “You’re missing a stroke. Right there.” “Right here?” “That’s right. There. You have it.” A grin spreads into her face. “Can you teach me how to write your name?” “Mine?” Your brows lift yet she bobs her head twice. You’re not sure how much time passes, how long the two of you are wrapped up, cowering over the desk with pens and papers as the handles of the clock ticks away. But then Taehyung’s peeking in through the gap of the door with a softened expression and he reluctantly knocks. “My lady,” he interrupts. “Lawyer Kim is here.” “Let him in.” You turn to the twelve year old girl who’s visibly disheartened and your hand strokes the top of her head gently. “If you have some time, then practice. Next time I’ll teach you how to write your own name and maybe we can read a book together?” “Next time?” She’s easy to read. You can see the way excitement washes over her, how she lights up as you nod and you watch her in endearment as she scurries away with the promise. // Each morning the mail is handed to Taehyung by one of the maids and he sets it on your bedside for you to go through. But today as he’s walking to your room and shuffles through them, he sees a fascinating letter from a man named Mr. Mark Carter. His brow quirks and he opens it. It’s not uncommon to go through your letters considering he writes most of your replies these past few days. But instead of being business related— To my dearest, Arden Y/N, My thoughts have been full of you in the past days. You are as beautiful… Taehyung rips the page before any more is read. There’s no need for you to waste your time. “Taehyung.” You call from the corner as he enters and he promptly places the letters down. He pockets the shreds of the love letter and attends to you. Taehyung helps you get dressed in front of the mirrors, his long fingers nimbly tying your corset before he’s draping the champagne gown over your frame. “You really shouldn’t be out of bed.” “It’s been two weeks since we came home, Taehyung. Do you expect me to stay bedridden forever?” “I could handle all of your affairs for you.” “I know.” You turn around to face him. “But I don’t want you to.” “I wouldn’t want you to faint again.” “I won’t,” you tell him with a mischievous glint in your eyes. “And even if I did, you’d be there to catch me, no?” Taehyung swallows hard and you freeze when he suddenly reaches out. His arm extends and he gingerly tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. Taehyung gazes at you tenderly. It’s much too intimate. “What would be the point if I don’t see you into your old age?” The pad of his thumb draws down your jaw before he lets go. You smile softly, skin tingling from his affectionate touch. “Would you still be attending to me if I were in my old age?” “Of course I would be.” “Wouldn’t you want to be married at some point, Taehyung?” You move past him to the vanity, taking your brush through your hair. He watches you for a moment before he approaches and steals the brush from your hand. He proceeds to your hair gently, the way he knows you like it best. “Who would I be married to?” “I could find you a good match.” “And risk not being there when you might need me?” You look at his reflection. “Then how long do you plan to be beside me then?” “Always,” he answers. Taehyung’s gaze is fixed onto yours through the mirror, his eyes softened, hands grasping the strands of your hair. Your breath hitches in your throat as something squeezes inside your chest. You swallow hard. “Taehyung.” The corner of his mouth curls into a sly smile. “Hmm?” “What’s…” He’s such a handful sometimes, but you know to him you’re two handfuls. “….that noise outside?” “I think that’s your cousin crying.” “And why is he crying?” “He wants to meet with you. Don’t worry. It’s handled. He tried to climb the gate but Jimin used his garden rake to push him off.” You sigh, pitching the bridge of your nose. “Just let him in. I’ll see him.” It’s easy to tell that Taehyung is reluctant and even surprised at your defeated response. But unlike your uncle and aunt who have some shame, you’re sure Hoseok would be there day and night sobbing on the ground. There wouldn’t be any good done if outsiders start to take notice. You leave to the parlor to have your morning cup of tea and surely enough, Hoseok runs in while panting. You sort of wish he would’ve knocked over the statue by the archway. That way, you could make him compensate you with his life’s fortune. It would be a funny story to tell in the future, but alas. “Y/N! Finally! F-Finally! Those servants of yours...they almost killed me!” “They were following my instructions.” He’s dejected and plops down on the sofa, frantically shaking his head. “I know that Uncle Seokjin, my mother and you aren’t on good terms, but please hear me out.” The taste of earl grey lingers on your palette. “You want to take over the company.” Hoseok’s spine straightens. “Y/N, Uncle Eugene would’ve wanted someone in the family to take over. I don’t understand how an outsider could be the head of the company!” “Don’t bring my father into this,” you snap. It’s easier to be direct with your cousin since he’s younger than you are. The idea of disrespect doesn’t have to play a big role in your confrontation. “He’s dead. It doesn’t matter what he wants now. What are your qualifications?” “What?” “How are you deserving of the job? How do you expect to run an entire company? What have you ever done in your life that you would be able to do those things?” you question with your arms crossed. Hoseok opens his mouth and then shuts it. He knows it himself. The fact of the matter is— “You’ve accomplished nothing. If you want the job so much, then interview for it and start at the bottom and learn.” Hoseok stands up abruptly. “That’s not what Uncle Eugene would’ve wanted—!” You’re forced to your feet. “Don’t speak about my father!” “But—!” You grip your temples that’s beginning to throb. Your head aches and you’re becoming dizzy. Taehyung immediately notices and comes to your side, but you wave him off. “Bring him out.” Hoseok is escorted by Taehyung. The former sighs lowly and walks away without putting much of a fight. Dragging his legs. Shoulders slugging. It’s not like you wanted it to be like this. Your idea of family was never an image of distrust or exhaustion. But this is what you were born into. Taehyung comes back after he’s left. He searches your expression sternly and shoulders your weight when you lean on him. “This isn’t good. You should rest.” “I know.” But as you take his arm, more noises come from the other room. In particular, it’s a familiar voice that can only belong to— “Y/N!” Aunt Marie stomps inside with Jane trailing behind her with a distressed expression. “What is the meaning of this?” Jane winces at your tone. “I thought...I thought since you let in—” “I heard you were ill,” your Aunt cuts her off, holding her head high. She must’ve run into Hoseok outside, but she makes no mention of it. He must’ve ignored her. “It was only right that I come see if the rumours are true for myself.” “Well you’ve seen me, now you can leave. I’m not taking guests at the moment.” Her mouth opens, but Taehyung’s eyes fix on her, holding an intense stare. “If you’ll excuse us. Jane, please lead out Mrs. Arden immediately.” “R-Right away, Butler Kim.” The maid bows her head and your aunt scoffs, not bothering to follow you. She stays in her spot, insisting on keeping an utterly offended expression. The room empties. “That dog of hers watches her too closely.” “Don’t worry madam,” Jane quietly whispers with a growing smirk. “He won’t be able to save her this time.” The older woman snorts. “You remember what I told you?” “Of course. They won’t see it coming.” She hums a low note. “Be careful. That guard dog is perceptive.” // The kitchen is filled with a flavorsome aroma, but it’s a frenzy as the grandfather clock chimes throughout the manor. The cook is rushing all over the kitchen with the kitchen maid, throwing in the potatoes and finishing the beef stew. Even Jane is beginning to become nervous as she watches them. That damn son of a bitch butler won’t be happy if your dinner is delayed a second and she still has to put it in. There can’t be any more delay. “Here it is! Finally, done!” The cook ladles the stew from the pot into the bowl and Jane finally moves before another maid can. “I’ll take it up for her ladyship,” she loudly volunteers. “Go quickly!” “Wait! I have to add the parsley,” the kitchen maid shouts. In the disorder, no one notices how Jane looks both ways and slips a vial out from her apron pocket. It’s uncapped and the clear liquid poured in, dissolving right into the broth. But by then, the kitchen maid is already pushing her aside to add in the parsley. “There we go.” Jane disguises her smirk and swiftly takes the tray. She begins to head down the corridor. But as she turns the corner, she nearly collides with Butler Kim. Immediately, the maid dips her head with an apology and he takes the tray from her. “There it is. What took so long?” “The cook had trouble.” Butler Kim turns and strides down the hall. The corner of her mouth pulls. Jane doesn’t notice how Taehyung looks down into the bowl for a moment. With the deed finally done, she makes her way to the small dining room next to the pantry meant for the workers to gather and eat. It’s perfect. It won’t be long now until things start to happen and she gets her reward. She smiles to herself before she’s abruptly interrupted— “Did something good happen, Jane?” The maid doesn’t know where the voice is coming from until she looks down and sees the twelve year old who she doesn’t even remember the name of. But looking at her big eyes and hearing her nosy question annoys her. Jane snaps, “It’s none of your business.” The young girl flinches and quiets. What Jane doesn’t expect is how minutes later, Butler Kim returns with the tray in hand and the food untouched. The colour immediately drains from her face. “Is there something wrong?” The cook bumbles over in alarm. “Her ladyship isn’t hungry,” he informs and Jane breathes a sigh of relief, but is still disappointed. She curses inside her head. “I see.” The cook sighs. “What a shame, it was the first time I tried to make this kind of stew. I thought I would be able to get her ladyship’s opinion.” “It would be a waste to dispose of it then.” Butler Kim smiles. “Everyone come give it a try.” Several turn their heads at one another, visibly confused at his unexpected offer but they happily follow along with his instructions. The kitchen maid is eager, anticipating their responses, and spoons are quickly passed around. But Jane stays frozen on her spot and the butler’s sharp eyes quickly take notice. “Is there something wrong?” “I...I don’t think I’ll eat, sir.” “Why not?” “I’m not...feeling well. My apologies. I’ll retire to the quarters—” “Surely a spoonful wouldn’t hurt.” Taehyung stops Jane before she can move to the doorway. Everyone’s eyes are pinned on them and she’s suddenly presented with a wooden spoon and a bright smile. “Don’t you want to give your thoughts to the cook so he may improve his dishes to her ladyship?” “I—” “It’s a part of your duties to look after her ladyship, is it not? That includes testing her food.” “Well—” Taehyung scoops a spoonful of the stew’s broth and it’s forcibly brought to her mouth. “There’s no reason why you should refuse.” “Stop—wait! NO!” Her arm comes out to bat at it away from her. “It’s poisoned!” The spoon clatters on the ground and the bowl shortly follows. It shatters, shards of porcelain spraying across the floor and the yellow liquid splattering against the wall. There are gasps and Jane’s breath heaves in and out of her chest. Sweat is gathered at her hairline and she feels the scrutinizing eyes of the entire household pinned on her. Butler Kim cocks his brow. “How do you know that?” “I...I…” Jane fumbles with her words, heat rising in her face, colour fading from her lips. “This is actually a new bowl from the pot.” The corner of Taehyung’s mouth curls. “I would never offer what was supposed to be her ladyship’s to anyone else. So why do you say it’s poisoned?” She opens her mouth, incoherent words stuttering out, but as she turns her head, searching for an explanation, some sort of excuse, her eyes meet Rose’s. Jane’s arm instantly extends and she points at the twelve year old. “I saw her put something suspicious into her ladyship’s food! I didn’t know if I saw it correctly, so I didn’t want to say anything. I-I didn’t know she could be capable of doing such a thing….” “What?” Rose’s eyes enlarge, tears gathering at her lashes. “No! I didn’t!” “Liar!” Jane screams at her, height looming over the girl. “How could you deny it in front of Butler Kim! Do you have no morals?!” “Please.” Rose looks at her and then him. “I didn’t do anything like that! Please believe me!” “What is all this noise?” The shrill cries are intercepted by you entering the room. Jane dips her head as Rose looks to you with pleading eyes. The others ease, knowing you’re here. Taehyung comes beside you, arm stretched in case you step onto the glass. “One of the maids just admitted something no one else knew.” “I didn’t do it,” Rose whimpers. You look around the room and sigh tiredly. You pitch the bridge of your nose and then wave him off. “Leave it be. Surely it’s a misunderstanding.” “Understood.” Taehyung puts his hand over his chest and bows. “I’m feeling tired. Bring me to my room, Taehyung.” He nods and offers you his arm. Two maids move to clean up the mess as Rose tries to reason with others. Jimin comes to her side, but Jane continues to glare at the young girl. There’s sweat built at Jane’s hairline and her heart is lodged in her throat. It was close. Too close. // For the next few days, you’re afraid Taehyung is becoming more distrustful than you are. Much to your dismay, he has a bite of your food and a sip of your tea before you get the chance to each time. It’s not as cute as when he did it as a kid — back when he was just trying to get a taste of what he could. Now he’s doing it because he’s overly suspicious. The last thing you want is for him to become your taster and does in fact become poisoned. There’s not much of a point if he dies and you’re still alive. But once you make your complaint, he resorts to making all of your food for you, not allowing a single person in the kitchen or to touch your dish. You don’t want to tell him that his cooking is more delicious than the cook’s for fear he’ll continue and overwork himself to death. “You’re really such a handful,” you mutter, looking up at him. Taehyung’s brow lifts, wondering where that was coming from. The pair of you were burning the midnight oil as you were looking over this month’s household expenses and what is left of your personal wealth. He didn’t want you to be here doing work, yet couldn’t protest after your insistence. But in truth, you can’t look over it properly with your mind preoccupied. You hate seeing Taehyung this way — excessively anxious, on guard, needlessly gluing himself to your side whenever he can. It’s enough that you’re already like that. But you suppose that’s the humorous part. He doesn’t like it when you’re like this either. You feel like this house is making you both lose your minds. “Taehyung.” “Yes, my lady?” You weakly wave him over. “Carry me to bed. I’m tired.” “Understood.” Taehyung leans down and collects you in his arms, an arm beneath your knees and the other around your backside. You lean on his shoulder with your arms looped around his neck, nestling close to him. He walks to the door, briefly opens it and strides down the hall that’s without a maid or servant in sight. “How long do you think this will last, Taehyung?” “What do you mean?” “Us. Being so afraid and anxious.” You wonder how long you’ll have to be fighting against your relatives and outsiders, if you’ll ever be left alone, if that day will ever come. “Even if I find my older sister or brother, then what?” “You don’t need to be anxious. I’m here.” The corner of your lips softly tug and you look up at him through your lashes. Taehyung’s brown irises meet yours in the warm candlelight lamps on the walls. “And let you bear all of my hardships? How could I let that happen?” “Then don’t bear it all alone.” The timbre of voice is husky. “You can rely on me too.” “I already do. More than you know.” If you had no one to truly trust, you would’ve been lost long ago. Taehyung is your saviour. “You don’t need to worry about what happens afterwards. I’ll go where you go.” “And if I have no more wealth to my name and I’m unable to pay you?” “You don’t need to pay me a single cent for me to stay by your side.” Your gazes meet and his steps slow. It’s much too intimate, and you notice the way his eyes flicker to lips. For a moment it feels like the distance is closing between you and you brace yourself as a kind of sweet anxiousness is sewn inside your chest. But you aren’t afraid. Then, as your lashes flutter….Taehyung turns away. His Adam’s apple bobs inside his throat. Nothing is spoken as the door to your bedroom is opened and closed, and he lays you down onto the bed. “If there’s nothing more you need from me, then rest well, my lady.” “Taehyung.” “Yes?” Your irises connect. There’s pause. A tenseness to the air. But then you wave him away. “Never mind. Good night.” The lights are blown and he leaves while you tug the covers to your chin for warmth. You’re unaware of how once the door shuts, Taehyung’s back presses against the surface. His eyes close tight and the hands that held you tenderly crumple into fists. He almost allowed his own desires to overcome his duties to you. // The following evening, Rose sits alone in her small room and sighs to herself. She’s happy that she was brought here to work on the estate. It’s all she could’ve ever wished for — a kind mistress to work for, friends she never knew she’d make, and being able to sleep comfortably with a full stomach. But she didn’t know it could also be this hard. She really didn’t try to harm you. Why would she when all you’ve been to her is generous and all she waits for are the hours when she’s allowed to sit beside you and taught how to read and write. But she can tell some of the other girls don’t believe her. She isn’t sure what to say or do to clear her name. Rose stumbles to her wardrobe and reaches towards the back. Hidden behind a lilac handkerchief is a golden pocket watch. Her thumb runs along the shiny surface and she exhales. “What should I do, mom?” The twelve year old doesn’t see the older girl in the hall, chewing on the nail of her thumb, anxious of what to do and how to gain back your favour. And Jane’s eye incidentally turns towards the gap of Rose’s door as she passes. “What are you doing?” The door slams against the walls and Rose jolts, startled. Jane’s eyes dart to the pocket watch. “What is that?” “It’s nothing!” Rose’s arms jerk behind her back, but it’s too late. The older girl stomps towards her and rips her arm back. She cries out and Jane snatches the golden watch from her grasps. “You stole this, didn’t you!” “No! Give it back!” “Then how do you have something so expensive?! You stole it from her ladyship!” “I didn’t!” “Liar. There’s no way you would be able to afford something like this. Your hands are sticky, aren’t they?” A smirk spreads into her cheek. This is it. The way she can gain your trust again. “You’re going to get thrown out tonight on my watch.” Rose cries as she’s dragged down the hall. She struggles but it’s futile against the older’s strength. Another girl intercepts, asking what’s going on, but Jane pushes them aside. She’s taken down the corridor, all the way to the study. “Say goodbye to your job, little girl,” Jane mocks and then knocks on the door. It opens it at your command and Taehyung immediately steps forward the moment he sees Jane yanking Rose’s arm and the latter sobbing. “What is the meaning of this?” Jane lets go of the twelve year old who has streams of tears staining her cheeks and steps forward. She allows the pocket watch to drop in her hand, holding it by the chain. It catches the light and looks like it glows. “My lady, I just caught this maid stealing from you. I had to report it immediately.” Upon seeing the pocket watch, you teeter to a stand. The chair screeches against the floorboards. “Bring it here.” Taehyung takes it and hands it to you. It’s a perfectly round contraption, the cover golden, reflecting against the candlelight. But it’s without any engravings, designs or even ridges on the surface. You flip it open to find handles ticking away as seconds and minutes pass. Strangely, on the inside, opposite of the clock is a picture of a beautiful woman you don’t recognize. Most of all, you recognize the surface is worn and there are a few scratches. Taehyung watches you. Your voice is kept quiet, a mere breath that releases from your lips— “Where did you get this?” Jane opens her mouth but your glare flickers to her and the words die on her tongue. Rose is the one who pipes up, hands scrunched into her dress’ skirt, head ducked down. “It...it was my mother’s.” “I have a pocket watch like this,” you tell her, rounding the desk and flipping the watch in your hand. “I can tell this is from my father’s company too. At least with the way the handles are crafted and the numbers are written. My father always liked his watches a certain way.” You continue, “He also never made many golden pocket watches. Certainly not ones without any engravings. It’s much like mine.” A rush of air escapes Jane’s nose. The corner of her eye moves to the twelve year old who’s quivering in her spot. She is done for. You step forward, inhaling a breath. “But my pocket watch is cracked.” Jane’s breath instantly hitches in her throat. Your eyes are pinned on Rose’s face. “I sent Taehyung to fix it for me months ago.” The pocket watch is not a copy, but a sister to yours. “Is this really your mother’s?” Rose nods with a sniffle, unable to understand where this was going. Taehyung comes beside you, having already caught on to your suspicions. And you lean on him, swallowing hard. “Then if that’s true….you may be the one I’m looking for. You might be my sister.” “S-Sister?” Rose’s eyes grow wide and a tear hanging off her lash rolls down her cheek. “I….have family?” It’s all lining up inside your mind and your brows knit together, but you don’t allow it to sink in. Not when you notice Jane’s mouth dropping, how she takes a step back. “Where do you think you’re going?” you deadpan, turning your head to the older maid and she flinches. “My lady—” “You’re fired. Pack your bags. The carriage will take you away.” Your voice drops an octave. “And don’t think of leaving to tell my aunt what you heard here tonight.” “My lady!” Colour drains from her face. “I...I don’t know what you’re talking about!” “Do you really think I wouldn’t know about you poisoning my food?” Jane careens backwards while you take a step forward. “I was framed!” You ignore her plea, eyes narrowing in on her. “Did you really think I would let go of an attempt on my life so easily?” She’s frightened. You can tell by the way she shakes. “Did you think I didn’t know how you would sneak out in the middle of the night to meet my aunt outside those gates?” You loom over the conniving girl. “I knew it from the moment you stepped foot into this house and knocked on my door. Did you take me for being a fool? I let you stay so I could keep my eye on you.” Jane falls down, back against the wall and puts her hands up to protect herself. You knew the entire time. After all, you and Taehyung don’t keep secrets from one another. It’s easy to fit the puzzle pieces together that way. “Taehyung.” His hand is placed over his chest and he bows. “Yes, my lady?” You swivel on your heel. “Take care of her for me, will you?” He smirks. “Of course.” // “The story fits,” Detective Jeon tells you as you flip through the documents detailing his findings. “Her mother grew up in London but went to Middlesborough to find work in 1868. The same summer your father went to Middlesborough for work. She passed away during childbirth. ” You can still remember that summer — you were eight and it was the first time your father left for three whole months. You spent your summer with Taehyung and his father. “How did she end up in Lennox?” “The orphanage she was left at shut down seven years ago and the orphans were brought to other orphanages in Trulia. In this case, it was St. Andale’s.” Your father must’ve found out, maybe through a letter the woman sent, perhaps someone told him. But it doesn’t matter. It’s enough to explain why he would donate so much to the orphanage and how she has a twin pocket watch to yours. You wonder if your mother knew. If she did, she probably wouldn’t have said anything. It’s not like your father tried to bring her home either. Maybe that’s the reason he left everything to her, maybe he felt a sense of guilt and this is his way of repenting and making up for the neglect. “What do you plan to do now,” Detective Jeon asks. You turn your head to him. “Do you think I’m going to kill her?” It goes quiet and the corner of your mouth curls. You answer your own question. “No. I won’t.” Perhaps it’s the sympathetic part of you, but she has no part in this. She has no blame. You always imagined your sibling to have lived a happier life than you, blessed with their ignorance, without the burden of status. Yet, there to receive the wealth you have spent so long protecting. Perhaps it was envy and anger that conjured such an image in your head. But you didn’t expect your sibling to be worth feeling sorry for. She and her mother were abandoned, and she’s been without family her entire life. It’s harder this way — you can’t be angry at her. The only person to blame is your father. “I’ll be sending you over a generous sum as promised. Thank you for the work you’ve done.” The detective smiles boyishly and tips his hat. “Any time. My services will always be available whenever you need it, Miss Y/N.” “Hopefully I won’t,” you quip back at him. “I’m quite tired of digging into people’s histories.” “The secrets never end.” Detective Jeon’s doe eyes twinkle and Taehyung sees him out. Once all said and done, silence fills the room and you find yourself once more at a loss of what to do. It’s not like you had a plan to begin with. You merely wanted to find who your brother or sister was and get to them before your relatives could. Back then, you didn’t know if you wanted to try to cut them from the will or give everything to them. And now, you still don’t know. There's a timid knock at the door that interrupts your thoughts and the knob turns. The gap remains small, but you see Rose peeking in. “Is there something the matter?” She wears a nervous expression, gripping fistfuls of her dress and she hesitantly steps inside the room. “I...just wanted to see you.” You’re sure this is as hard for her to get used to as it is for you. She never had a family and you never considered your relatives family. Even when your parents were alive, they were distant. To you, family has always been Taehyung. You never expected you would have a younger sister. “Follow me.” Rose’s head whips up as you brush past her and her steps struggle to keep up as you move down the corridor. You turn the corner, come to the door on the left and enter. “Do you know what room this is?” She’s been in it many times. It’s where she poured tea, where you listened to music and where you taught her reading and writing. “It’s your study…” “No. It’s our father’s study.” The words are odd on your tongue. You’re not sure if you’ll ever get used to it. “He used to work in here whenever he got home from work. If you wanted to look for him, he would be here.” If you shut your eyes, you can still see him behind the desk, never once looking up. Rose steps forward, able to look around more carefully than when she was just a maid. Her eyes trace against the books on the shelves, the clock on the table, the stacked papers and pens. “Is there something you want to know about him?” “Wh..what was he like?” You lean against the wall, humming a low note. “Everyone called him a respectable man. He was good at what he did. He worked hard, so much so that he never ceased his work. But he was an aloof father.” The young girl nods slowly and turns around. “Do you hate me?” You look at your half-sibling, eyes dimmed, expression stoic. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be honest with her. “I did.” She flinches and you look away. “I always imagined I would hate my sibling, but unfortunately, I can’t hate you now that I’ve gotten to know you.” A cold laugh emits from your mouth and never reaches your eyes. “Funny how fate works that way.” You stroll to the fireplace, arms hugging your body. “The same day my parents were buried in the ground was the same day I received the will. It promised all the assets, the wealth, the company to you. Do you know what it means to be the inheritor of the Arden family?” You swivel on your heel, eyes fixed at the twelve year old. “It means people will be coming after you. They’ll speak sweetly, let you hear everything you could ever wish for, and then stab you in the back. Some are more honest than others, but you could potentially fall in love with someone kind and generous, and find out years later it was all a front.” Her eyes grow wide and you continue, “A maid who saved you today could poison you tomorrow. People are greedy and will do anything to get a step up in life. If there’s anything you know best, it’s the pain of being poor, abandoned by everyone and how desperate that could lead someone to be.” “I...I don’t want to inherit anything.” “You have no choice. That’s the way it is.” “Then what can I do?” You inhale a deep breath, not sure how to answer. But then your mind strays to a certain man with dark hair, a warm voice and a lean frame who never fails to be by your side. “You find people you can trust.” “I trust you,” she says within a beat and it startles you. She didn’t blink, didn’t even need a second to think about it. It’s spoken with a kind of sincerity that you aren’t used to from others. “That’s foolish.” If there was anyone she should be afraid of, it was you. She’s the black sheep, the illegitimate child, the one who stands in the way of you gaining everything. There are numerous reasons why you should get rid of her and no reason why she should trust you. Yet— “I don’t think so.” Her gaze is shy but earnest. “You treated me well from the beginning before...all of this.” “That’s precisely why,” you point out in a cold tone. “I didn’t know who you were. I could just as easily turn my back on you.” Still, Rose gingerly smiles. Her eyes crinkle and her cheeks puff out. “I have a feeling that won’t happen.” Your stoic expression wanes away into guilt. She’s naive. But you wonder if it’s such a terrible thing that her world is so rose-coloured when you know what it’s like for everything to have turned gray. // Without needing to look up, you can tell Taehyung entered the room. Who else would have permission to come and go without knocking than him, and the way he shuts the door is always soft, his steps even quieter. Your ears are always listening for those small noises. “Where did you go?” “I went to pick up the pocket watch from the repair shop. They sent notice that I could come get it.” “This late at night?” “Were you waiting for me?” You can hear the sly smile on Taehyung’s lips and when eyes flicker up towards him, you’re not wrong. “No.” It’s a lie and by the look on his face, he knows it too. “You’re the one who said you would always be by my side, so I was curious to see you gone.” Taehyung is amused and you turn your head away from him. “I only left for an hour.” “You should’ve sent Jimin.” His smile softens as he approaches with a box in hand and places it on the rounded table you’re sitting by. “They said it was important and if possible, I should come soon, so I thought I would go myself in case something happened.” “What was it?” Taehyung gestures for you to open the box. It’s the pocket watch your father gave you in his will and it looks exactly the same as when you first received it. It’s heavy in your hand. “They said while they were repairing the cracked glass, they found out the clock of the watch can be pulled open. There’s a compartment at the back.” You look up at him, eyes meeting and you pop the front open to the ticking time that’s precise to the second. True as they said, with a bit of effort, the clock opens. And out falls a folded square paper, no smaller than a coin. Your hand quivers as you rush to unfold it. The letter is aged. It crinkles beneath your fingertips. You swallow hard, finding your father’s handwriting. Dear Y/N, Recently, I went to the funeral of an associate of mine. He was an old friend from back then and helped with the company when it was just myself and your mother. It’s a shame he passed away. Lawyer Kim also has come to ask me about creating a will. I fear I have gotten much older than I realized. Someday, you will come to be surprised at how quickly the years go. Your mother and I briefly discussed what we wanted for you when the time comes and we are no longer here. It truly made me realize how much of a burden things will be. Your mother reminds me that you have always been a strong child and I must agree. I hope when the time comes and your mother and I are gone, you will know that we have always thought about you. Arden Eugene It isn’t an apology letter. It serves little explanation for why things are the way they are. Your father never makes mention to the half-sibling you had to search for, doesn’t tell you why he left everything for her, doesn’t apologize or express remorse about being so distant. But the words are sincere, every sentence his own, filled with his spirit. Your eyes sting painfully as the sound of his fading voice echoes in the recesses of your mind and a lump lodges in your throat. Taehyung softly calls to you and you feel the warmth of his arms. He’s by your side as you cry. // There’s much for you to think about in the days that follow. You’re not sure how many times the grandfather clock chimes and rings throughout the house, how often someone asks you if you’d like to eat something or drink. Of course, Taehyung is the one who always draws your attention and pulls you from your thoughts, insisting that it’s time to go to bed or you should take a walk outside and look at the roses that have bloomed. Taehyung always takes care of you when you need him most. And somehow, the spitefulness sewn deep inside of you has lessened. You can feel it when you look around the manor, when you peek outside to the land of the estate, when you wake in the mornings. An exhaustion you thought of as permanent has begun to diminish. More importantly, you start to worry how you’ll protect Rose. She’s nothing but a scared child and you can only hide this secret for so long. Soon enough, they’ll turn the target onto her. “Must you protect her?” Taehyung asks. You know he doesn’t want you to take more onto yourself, to bound yourself to responsibilities that may not be your own. Just as you’d like Taehyung to be free and unrestrained, he wishes the same for you. And it is tempting. To leave her for the wolves, to save yourself, be without obligations, but... “Yes. I finally found someone stronger than me to continue carrying the Arden name, Taehyung. She can shoulder this burden with me and one day, she’ll be even more powerful than I am.” It’s simple to assume that she’s an obstacle, in the way of you achieving everything, a smudge to your existence. But after being wrapped in thoughts, you’ve come to understand that the burden of being the sole heir has been lifted from your shoulders. You don’t have to worry if your fragile state ever worsens. With her here, the uneasiness of the future has disappeared. “Call for Lawyer Kim tomorrow.” The corner of your mouth tugs. “I have a plan.” He smiles and bows his head. “Understood.” Your eyes meet again and you place your chin in your palm, arm propped on the table. A smile pulls on your features. “Taehyung.” “Yes, my lady?” “How far are you willing to help me?” “I’ll do anything,” he answers without needing to blink. Taehyung’s loyalty is undying no matter how many times you ask, but it's been too long since you’ve teased him. He looks far too calm and composed these days for your liking. “Then if I ordered you to strip naked and dance in the city square?” “I would refuse since it would tarnish your name.” You scoff lightly and he grins. “If I told you to hold my hand?” Your arm stretches out towards him and Taehyung closes the distance, coming to cradle your hand gently while he dips his head. “I would be honoured to.” “What if I wasn’t wealthy, would you still be here?” you ask, voice softening. “I would.” “How long are you going to stay here for, Taehyung? I don’t expect you to waste your entire life here.” His smile is tender, gaze affectionate. “I don’t think it’s a waste at all.” You scoff again and let go in favour of lifting your arms to squash his cheeks together. His rounded eyes blink and his lips mimic a fish’s. But rather than a fish, he’s very much like a puppy. Your puppy. “You know how to sweet talk too well.” Taehyung’s eyes are the shade of umber. Yet in the candlelight, they warm into a deep hue of honey that you find yourself tempted to stare into for hours on end. Or until midnight when the grandfather clock will chime throughout the manor. Your hands drop and you lean in to press your lips against his cheek in a soft kiss. You pull away a second later, eyes nervously flickering to him. Taehyung’s visibly taken aback and you clear your throat, diverting your vision elsewhere. “Carry me to bed.” It’s just a few steps away — you could walk. But he doesn’t make a single complaint, arms coming to loop around your shoulders and the back of your knees with ease. Taehyung strides over and lays you down on the soft bed, but before he can get far, you tug on the sleeve with a steady command. “Stay.” “It wouldn’t be proper.” “It doesn’t matter.” You muster more of your strength to pull him and he smiles. “Very well.” You let him go to blow out the candles and he tugs off his coat, draping it over the back of the chair. You realize it might be uncomfortable for him without his nightshirt, but he doesn’t once protest, so you watch as he loosens the top buttons of his shirt and the ones at his wrist. You don’t know why you feel so nervous all of a sudden. From time to time, the two of you slept in the same bed as children. But you suppose it’s been a long time since you were children. The sheets of the bed shift and the bed dips with his weight. You turn your head, vaguely able to see his silhouette with the moon’s cool light coming through the curtains. You grip the edge of the covers. “Taehyung?” “Yes?” “Shall we tell scary tales?” You savour the sound of his laugh. “So you can’t sleep and I’ll have to be here for the next few nights?” “That doesn’t sound so bad,” you murmur and turn your body fully to face him, hand pressed underneath your head. “Taehyung?” “Yes, mistress?” Your brows furrow and you deadpan, “Call me by my name.” It’s silent. His breath hitches and you nibble on the bottom of your lip. When you first met, he called you without restraint until he was taught otherwise. It’s been years since you’ve heard the syllables of your name with his husky timbre. “Properly,” you add. “Y/N.” Taehyung shifts his head to look at you in the comforting darkness. He enunciates it carefully, in a murmur, as if he’s afraid there won’t be another chance. “Y/N.” Your chest warms and heat is brought to your cheeks. The quietness simmers and your lashes flutter, eyes becoming heavier and heavier. “You don’t have to worry about my reputation or tarnishing my name, Taehyung.” “I don’t want to cause you harm in any way,” he says. “I know.” Your fingers come out to gently brush the strands of hair away from his forehead. “But soon, we won’t have to be under the scrutiny of so many or worry what will happen tomorrow. Those things will cease to exist. When that happens, will you still be by my side?” “Of course.” “Then it’s my promise to you.” He smiles faintly, trusting in your promise. “I’ll be patiently waiting.” The two of you doze off and fall asleep. Throughout the night, Taehyung’s arms reach for you and you nuzzle into him for warmth. It’s the best sleep you receive since you can recall.

The room is large. You’re not sure if it’s because all the furniture is being taken, or if it’s from the bright sunlight coming through the windows now that the heavy curtains are gone. Perhaps it was always this large and the clutter was simply too much. “Please watch the vase.” Jimin, the good-natured man, is fretting over the men. “It is very expensive!” You never liked this house much. It’s always been dark. The wallpaper is a deep shade, black trim that matches the hardwood. Every inch of this place is ridden with wealth, the golden chandeliers, the ornate carpet to the glass cabinets full of antiques. It’s quite unnecessary. While each room is filled with memories — from your childhood spent with Taehyung chasing your giggles and your parents striding in and out of rooms — you’re glad to leave it all behind. You can finally let it go and free yourself from its binds. “Y/N!” There’s a stampede, the familiar voice of your dearest uncle. You come to the entrance where your aunt and cousin are fervently following after him. A maid has a panic-stricken face but you lift your hand, allowing her to be dismissed. They must’ve seen the movement, heard the news. “What is happening?!” “I’m selling the land.” Your aunt steps forward, mouth fallen agape. “What?!” “I’ve decided this estate has gotten old.” You stand tall, arms behind your back and for once your stoic expression is marred by a smile. “Trulia’s not where I want to be anymore either.” Hoseok’s brows are furrowed deep enough to wrinkle permanently. “How?!” You look at Uncle Seokjin. “It might be time for you to reconsider who your favourite niece is.” You turn to beckon Rose over who’s peeking out from the corner of the other doorway. “It’s okay. You should meet them at least once.” She approaches timidly, dressed in a fine pink gown that only wealth could buy and your relatives furrow their brows in confusion. She steps beside you and you finally give her a proper introduction. “This is my younger sister, Rose.” “Hello. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Aunt Marie’s eyes widen. “Impossible.” “No. It actually isn’t.” You squeeze your sister’s shoulder and she glances at you with a small smile. “I managed to find her and I’m handing all the assets and the land to her as planned. I should fulfill my parents’ last wishes, no?” The surrounding furniture continues to be lifted and taken out by the shuffling workers to be sold and auctioned — from the paintings to the sofa. All you’ll have by the end is a suitcase packed of some clothing and the pocket watch your father gave. You don’t need anything else. “But it’s still not possible.” Hoseok’s voice quivers. “She’s not married and of age!” A man you know well interrupts, coming from the dining room. He clears his throat and everyone turns to regard the suited lawyer. “It is quite possible.” Your aunt meets him within a single stride. “Lawyer Kim! Explain this immediately!” Lawyer Kim shifts uncomfortable in his spot, putting his weight from one foot to the next. “Well, it wasn’t particularly complicated, but Y/N, here, has become the legal guardian of her younger sister, thereby, allowing her to collect the inheritance. She can liquidate, remove, expand or withdraw as she chooses. That...includes selling the estate and moving elsewhere.” Aunt Marie swivels on her heel and practically seethes, “She is still unmarried!” “We’ve gotten married.” It’s a husky timbre with a certain warmth to the tone that speaks. The room spins around at his voice, commanding the attention of each person, old and young. But Taehyung’s eyes are met with yours and the corner of his mouth is quirked as he descends the stairs, hand skimming along the banister. For a second — the thinnest handle of the grandfather clock being taken away ticking — no one breathes. But then Uncle Seokjin breaks out into laughter. Aunt Marie abruptly turns to Lawyer Kim to confirm what was just said. “Is this true?!” “Yes, I was there as a witness. They wedded three nights ago at the church. It was a brief but intimate ceremony, I must say.” Your aunt is completely appalled. She blanches, features crumpled and her head slowly turns to face you as if you’ve committed the greatest sin. “You really dared to marry a mere butler? Y-You should be ashamed of yourself! What would your parents say, Y/N?! What would they do?!” “It doesn’t matter. They’re dead,” you state blankly. “And he is more reliable than any man I would ever come to know. I would appreciate it if you would treat my husband with more respect. He is a member of the Arden family now.” Taehyung comes to your side and you take a glimpse of him, a small smile emerging on your lips. Aunt Marie shakes her head, violated and exasperated at your presumptuous behaviour. “I have no words...absolutely...no words. How dare you.” “I learned from the best.” You smile at her. “Sometimes you must do dire things when the circumstances call for it. Am I wrong, Aunt Marie?” But really, this is far from dire. You feel like this is the best decision you’ve made since your parents passing. It will be a new start. All the workers will be paid generously for their time spent here. You know many are sad to part, but they’re happy to see you lively again — at least that’s what Jimin told you as he held his hat to his chest and smiled gently. “And what about the company?” Hoseok rushes to ask. You shift to him. “There’s no one more suitable than Mr. Min to carry on. So I’ve sold it to him. I trust that he will do great things with the company and he’s promised me to do so as well.” Hoseok instantly pales. Your Uncle comes forward with feigned worry. “Where are you going?” “I haven’t decided. But it will be a place where you’ll never be able to find me.” You want to go far away to a place where no one knows your name. Where they’ll be no scrutiny, no newspapers. Where you’ll be free of the responsibilities that have plagued your mind and made you ill. “If you wish to contact me, you’ll have to go through Lawyer Kim first,” you deadpan. “I can’t assure my letters will be frequent as I’ll be somewhere distant, where no one will be able to take advantage of my precious younger sister until she becomes of age and naturally marries. They’ll inherit it together without worry that the relationship was built on greed. I’ll make sure I see myself to that.” You look at your aunt directly. “I’ll ask as well that you not try to plant someone under my roof as I’ll find out.” Her mouth draws open, face reddened. “You ingrate!” Her hand raises, arm extending back. But before she can slap you like she wants and knock your head to the side, Taehyung snatches her wrist. He’s faster than anyone can blink and he clutches her back, glare boring into her skin. Her teeth grit and she rips back her hand to her chest. You turn on your heel, looking out the window. “I hope you don’t take this all to heart. I’ll always wish the best for you, Aunt Marie, Hoseok, Uncle Seokjin. That’s what my father would’ve wanted.” Your aunt shakingly exhales, “I can’t believe this.” At the same time, Hoseok collapses against the wall, entirely stunned and your uncle presses his hand to his forehead. Your hand comes onto Rose’s shoulder, giving her a reassuring squeeze. You look at Lawyer Kim who smiles and then your smiling eyes meet your husband’s. Today’s the brightest morning since you can remember. The grass is verdant, air is crisp and the sky is a strong shade of azure with the sunlight piercing through the wispy clouds. It’s noisy, but you don’t mind so much.

The train whistles. The wheels are rolling against the steel rails, chugging along. There’s a bustle inside the cart, families and lovers sitting together, children rushing past. But you watch the storm of verdant out the window, the fields and trees flashing by. You’re not so sure if you’ll stop at the first platform or the second. But when you do, you’ll take your packed suitcases from overhead and be on your merry way, disappearing into the crowd. Your eyes stray from the window to the pocket watch in hand. You’re loosely holding the golden chain of the watch, studying it as it swings back and forth. It’s like a clam, but without any engravings, designs or even ridges on the surface. It’s heavy, perfectly new and polished, the time precise. It’s your most prized possession. It brings memories of the times your father did look up from his desk at you, when your mother would turn with a smile, how that manor allowed you and Taehyung to run through its halls. Rose is asleep across from you, eyes shut and breaths leaving her parted lips. She’s much too unguarded, but you’re not sure if that’s something you should try to change or protect. She tired herself out after being excited to leave Trulia. It is her first time leaving the country after all and she was practically pasted to the windows with wide eyes. You’re happy that you can be here to watch her. It’s still difficult for you to get used to the fact that she’s your sister, but you’re sure with time, she’ll become one of the most important people to you. She is your family. With a soft smile, you stand and slip the pocket watch into your pocket. You walk down the cart of the train to the door. It’s heavy to open, but once you do, the wind whisks through your hair and Taehyung turns around. The three of you chose to sit at the end of the train where there’s a proper place to stand outside and watch the tracks fade away over the curves and horizon. But there isn’t anyone out here aside from, probably because of how chilling the wind is. You wrap the shawl around you tighter. “What are you doing here?” Taehyung asks with furrowed brows. “Aren’t you cold?” You shake your head and join his side at the railing. He looks at you. “Are you feeling nauseous?” “A little at the beginning, but it feels a lot better today. Maybe I’ve gotten used to it.” Taehyung smiles, traces of relief on his expression. Your eyes gaze into the profile of his face, from the dark strands of his hair brushing his forehead to the slope of his nose and the dip of his cupid’s bow. Sometimes you wonder if you’re in a daze, but you realize you married this man. You held Taehyung to the promise that he would do anything for you. And in return, you’re fulfilling your own promise — by going to a place where you can be together. Where it won’t matter what he was or who you are. “I didn’t marry you just to get the inheritance, Taehyung,” you tell him while looking ahead at the passing trees. “It was a way to protect everything I care about. Including you.” His soft smile is heard in his voice. “I know, my lady.” You shift on your heel, facing him with a hardened expression. “But that’s not all. I married you, Taehyung, because I wanted to go somewhere new with you and escape the titles that have bounded us to our duties. I don’t want to be treated as the lady of the house anymore. I want us to be equals.” Taehyung sighs lightly and steps closer to you until your bodies are practically pressed together. He has no hesitance. There’s no longer a worry of anyone watching. “That’s impossible.” Your face falls. He continues, “I’ll always feel a need to serve and protect you, Y/N. My father left me with that responsibility. It’s a part of my legacy to care for the Arden family.” You desperately search his expression. “Then is it impossible to be together? Everything that we’ve gone through together. All this time. Everything that I did — is it really impossible?” “It isn’t,” he murmurs in a warm voice that you’re taken aback by. Taehyung’s face softens and he lifts his finger to gingerly brush away a strand of hair that tickles your cheek. “Those two things don’t have to conflict. And if that’s what you wish for, then I’ll follow you until the end.” The corners of your lip tug. “Is that a promise?” “It is.” You hold out your hand. “Then join me in making my wish come true.” Taehyung smiles and his plush lips kiss against your knuckles, swearing his loyalty to you. Not just as a butler, but also as your husband. The two of you gaze at one another as you lean into him and Taehyung’s arms hold you. It feels warmer than you could’ve imagined and it’s all because he’s here by your side forevermore. The train rides off into the distance until you’ve blended into the scenery.

#bts fanfic #taehyung fanfic #taehyung scenario #taehyung fluff #taehyung x reader #taehyung x y/n #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts reader insert #hope y'all enjoy this final instalment #the romance is much more subtle than I'm used to writing #but it's nice to change it up

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dancingazaleas · 3 years

Text

𖨆. 07 / all for us

summary: it feels as if god is blessing you personally when levi decides to spare you. but as the day goes on, you can’t help but notice things and ask questions, some of which you didn’t ask.

note: why was this chapter so hard to write

taglist: @voltairelesecond @baelo80 @the-sun-baby @uniquepickle @ascybous @messyhairday-me @stupid-stinky @saturnalya @megumitodoroki @kouyume @quacksonlover81 @gipumar

word count: +3.0k

warnings/notes: cursing, mentions of murder, mentions of drinking and driving, vomiting, mentions of blood, mentions of ocd, the reader is confused

LEVI ackerman knew he wasn't a good person. he knew from the moment he watched his uncle slaughter a man in front of him at the age of eight.

levi knew the moment he killed a man for theft. he knew the moment people would cower before him in highschool when he'd walk through the halls. he knew the moment he was sucking the smoke from a cigarette into his mouth.

he knew the moment he found himself fighting police officers. he knew the moment he was pushed against the hood of a car with his hands cuffed behind his back.

he knew the moment when erwin smith sat down in front of him with no emotion written on his face. the moment when erwin said he knew levi had done it, but he would be defending him either way. the moment when levi disobeyed the oath as he spat out his testimony. the moment the gavel was slammed down along with the verdict of 'not guilty'. the moment he stepped into the sunshine, erwin's hand in his, for the first time in months, knowing damn well he didn't deserve it.

but levi didn't care, he never did. the world he was born into was cruel. he had to fight for his place at the top, for his food, for his clothes, for everything. if no one cared about him, then why should he care for others.

but as he stares down at you trembling from fear on the floor, he can't help but think that he's incorrect.

"please don't hurt me again," you plead in a whisper, tilting your head to the floor.

levi only sighs, walking in and shutting the door behind him. he crouches in front of you, hand now awkwardly stroking your head.

"what happened," he asks, and it's something that comes as a shock to you. you were slightly prepared for a beating.

you snap your head up to look at him in shock.

"what have you got in your hands," he points at the scrapbook held to your chest.

"oh!" you fumble to show him, "i saw this earlier... i wanted to look but i didn't think you'd allowed me. i'm sorry, please don't hurt me."

"i would've let you, i barely look at this thing anymore. can you tell me what happened now," he scoffs at the front cover of the scrapbook.

"when i was going to put it back, a book on the shelf fell. then another book on the top shelf fell off, so i used the lower shelves as a ladder. as you can see, it didn't work," you look ashamed while you gesturing towards the shelf.

he just huffs, "go sit on the couch. we can look through that book after i clean."

you obey and watch levi heft the bookshelf back onto its legs. his fists clench as he looks down at the pile of books surrounding his feet.

hastily, levi's picking up the books by the color and placing them back onto the shelf. when he's finished, he takes a step back to look at it. he's unsatisfied, instead more frustrated as he starts to take all of the books off of the second bookshelf he has.

but in the middle of taking the books off the shelf, he twitches and taps the book against the wood five times. he's putting the books back onto the shelf, going back to the other bookshelf and taking all the books off of that.

you stare in absolute bewilderment. the shelves had looked perfect and identical to you, not to mention clean. as he's in the midst of taking the books off the shelf, he taps the book against the wood again.

and with that, he's placing it all back onto the shelf again. he sighs in relief after he's checked everything, finally trotting to you and plopping down next to you on the loveseat.

nervously, you scoot closer to him in order for you both to be able to see the scrapbook. he watches you flip it open past his baby picture, instead turning to the page that showed his mother feeding him.

"that's my mom, kuchel," he gently rubs his finger on the photograph, "think i was around a year at this point."

humming, you flip to the next page. when you realize it's the picture of levi at his mother's funeral, you try to flip the page but levi stops you.

a sigh, he explains, "my mother always had a very weak immune system, according to my uncle. because of where we lived, we both ended up getting deathly ill and we were too weak to get any help. i had to watch her die and wait for someone to come check up on us."

"i'm assuming it was your uncle," you tilt your head.

"it was. he took me in afterwards, gave me food and a shower. he even taught me how to hold a knife and how to fight for future reference. he had some work to do while i would fight for food."

you point to the one of levi standing in front of a building. to which he replies with, "first day of kindergarten. my mother was still alive back then so she decided to take the picture."

he turns the page for you, a relieved look in his eyes at he stares at the next photograph. it's a picture of levi, in high school, wearing a tux while standing next to another man with a bubbly girl holding onto levi as she holds up a peace sign.

the boy, who's also wearing a tux, has ice blue eyes and wavy dirty blonde hair that obviously hasn't been styled. he's got a gentle smile on his face while he looks at both the girl and levi, someone who levi was obviously fond of.

the girl has dark red hair in low and loose ponytails with freckles painting her tan cheeks. her eyes shine an emerald green along with her pearly white teeth.

"that's... isabel and farlan. met them in 8th grade, and we were at junior prom in this. farlan took me as his date while isabel went stag. i'm glad i still have this picture."

you resist the urge to fight back the joke of his type in men, instead asking, "are you not friends anymore?"

levi stays quiet for a moment, "they died in a horrible car crash a month later. some asshole decided to drink and drive while driving a semi. rear ended them at 45 miles per hour and killed them on impact. isabel was slouching in her seat and farlan was hunched over the wheel apparently. it was gruesome."

"i.... i'm so sorry," you reluctantly touch his arm.

he waves his free hand up and down in dismissal, despite hurt he actually was, "it's fine. happened years ago."

he turns the next page in order to distract himself from the sheer awkwardness that bathes the room. the next picture is of him, around the age of 24, standing in the sunlight while he smiles softly to the sky.

"erwin was my attorney, before he became a prosecutor, when i went to jail. he proved me not guilty and this was the picture he managed to take of me right after we left the courthouse. it was the first time i'd seen the sun without handcuffs on in months," he huffs with slight annoyance at the memory, something that surprises you just a bit.

"why'd you get arrested?"

"nothing you need to worry about," telling you would only make you fear him more. and that would be a pain to deal with.

the next page after is blank, along with the rest that follow.

"i stopped because i thought it was stupid," he crosses his arms, nudging the back of the scrapbook with his knee.

"i don't think it's stupid," you shake your head, fingertips gently tracing the grainy and textured paper.

"why's that?"

"well," you smile a bit while your mind wonders to the scrapbook pieck made you one year for your birthday, "it shows you the good memories that you might've missed as the time passed. reminds you that there's something in every little small day. it helps you keep the memory alive, even if some of it is upsetting, and i think it shows how much you've changed as a person."

levi stares at you, slightly flustered at your words as you relook at the photographs with gentle hands.

he stands up, "i just remembered the tea." ah, a sound excuse. if only levi had made tea.

you watch as he seems to rush out of the room, something you shrug off while gently putting the scrapbook on levi's desk and laying back down on the couch. you play another movie on the television that hangs on the wall, perking up when levi walks back into the room with a tray. it holds finger sandwiches and some lettuce mixed with some fruit in a small bowl along with tea. cracked sunflower seeds sit on a small plate on the side, and you feel yourself droll when you realize at there's cheese, lettuce, and ham on your sandwich.

levi places it on your lap, simply nodding at your kind, "thank you, levi."

he doesn't answer and just goes back to his desk, while you chew quietly.

it stays that way until erwin comes home.

————

it isn't until your eyes are fluttering open that you realize you've fallen asleep. you flinch at the sight of erwin's face close to your's, but slowly relax when he pulls away.

"i'm sorry, i didn't think my kiss would wake you," he places a loving hand on your head.

"'s fine, probably needed to get up anyway," you reply groggily while rubbing an eye, "how long have i been asleep for?"

"levi said since a little bit after lunch. it's only three o'clock at the moment," he sits on the edge of the couch, smiling at how you shuffle to accommodate him.

"sandwiches must've been tasty.... did you just get off work," you sigh and snuggle up under the thin blanket that's been laid on top of you while you were sleeping.

erwin lays his large hand on your cheek, which has you tense for just a moment and then relaxing.

"i got off a little while ago but i needed to run errands," a thumb strokes at the apple of your cheek, something that you disgustingly find comfort in.

"where did levi go?"

"went to make himself some tea," he chuckles with a shake of his head, "he claimed that he felt withdrawals."

you shake your head while laughing, "i doubt he said that. how was work?"

"i guess i can say it was adequate. i missed you and levi the whole day, but would often get distracted by my clients and their necessities. i'm dealing with a kidnapping case at the moment. a girl around your age named ymir was recently found by her girlfriend, historia. i can't say anything more," he pulls his hand away from you and uses it to pinch the bridge of his nose.

you feel yourself get the chills.

he's.... working on a kidnapping case.

he's prosecuting.... a kidnapper.

he's punishing someone who's doing the same thing as him. someone who took away a girl and kept her trapped for months. god knows what the man did to the girl.

and here you are, letting erwin hold your cheek and looking through an old photo album with levi.

you feel sick to your stomach, shooting up while slapping a hand to your mouth and grabbing at her's shirt.

"i'm gonna throw up," you barely are able to speak without the feeling of your food coming out of your stomach.

startled, erwin stares, "what?"

"can... need a can," you gag and lean over the edge of the couch.

erwin gets up when he realizes just what it is you're asking for, rushing across the room only for you to spill your guts out onto the floor.

it's been forever since you've thrown up, minus when levi kicked your stomach, and it has your whole body shaking. the intensity of it all has your nose dripping with blood and tears falling from your eyes, forcing you to seal your eyes closed.

"what happened here," levi sounds scared as he stands in the doorway, but before erwin can even finish his sentence levi is slamming the door behind him while he storms out.

erwin sighs with frustration, helping you scoot down the couch so he can place the trash can in front of you without the bottom being dirtied. with shaky hands, erwin's pulling all of your hair out of your face while you sob and gag into the trash.

it's ten more minutes before you're able to lay back down. blood and tears stain your face and you dazedly stare up at the ceiling.

"i'll be back with a towel and some water, levi will be back soon with an avalanche of cleaning products," erwin reassurances while he stumbles out of the door.

just as erwin leaves, levi enters. he's got a mask that covers his nose and mouth and rubber gloves that match with his cleaning apron. he's carrying a sponge, some spray, a towel, a broom/dustpan, along with some breath mints.

levi squats on all fours, scrubbing at the floor aggressively as he rides the room of the stench and the stain.

"s... sorry," you croak and levi grimaces.

he ignores you in order to keep scrubbing at the floor just as erwin rushes in with a warm towel and some water. he wipes off your blood, tears, and the mouth to rid you of your vomit. you look at him dazedly as he helps you drink the water he's given you.

levi passes a few breath mints to you when you're done drinking the water, which you eagerly take. you plop them into your mouth, sighing as you rest back against the couch cushions.

"take her to her room," levi orders erwin while spraying the spray onto the floor and couch.

erwin does so in silence, carefully carrying you to your room and laying you on the bed.

"levi won't hurt me will he...? please tell me he won't," you grit your teeth while holding onto erwin's shirt sleeve, tears welling up in your eyes.

"no, he won't. he's just scared," erwin grabs the hand on his sleeve and holds it in his own.

"of what?"

"uncleanliness. a while after he started living with me, i took him to a psychiatrist as i had noticed strange behaviors. he ended up getting diagnosed with ocd, and the psychiatrist thought it had to do with his upbringing in poverty. if things aren't a certain way or clean enough, it causes him to spiral," erwin explains carefully, trying to find the correct words and meanings as he speaks.

"doesn't that... give him more of a reason to hurt me...?" you squeeze his hand tightly and pulling it closer to you in fear.

"it doesn't. why are you insistent at how levi might hurt you," he bunches his eyebrows up in concern while scooting closer to you.

"he's done it so many times before... remember? if i say the wrong thing... i'll get slapped. if i make a mistake, he'll beat me.. i just don't want to hurt anymore," you sob hysterically, bringing your free hand up to your face to cover your eyes.

erwin stares in bewilderment. he hadn't realized just how much levi's beatings effected you. of course, they were supposed to affect you in some way, but not enough where you were terrified of making a wrong move.

"he won't hurt you unless you've deserved it, and you've done nothing in a while. he loves you," erwin stroked his thumb across your skin.

you raise your hand from your eyes to stare at him, heat swarming your face, "he does? he doesn't act like it.."

"of course he loves you," erwin smiles, "i love you as well. we'd never hurt you unless given a reason."

something about his sentence makes your head throb in pain. maybe it was the secret confusion that lingered in your head. they said they loved you, even though they kidnapped you and beat you half to death. but then again, they did provide you with things you'd mentioned to them before in order to keep you happy. they even bought a grand piano for you.

it has your heart speeding up and your body hot, bashfully looking to the side.

you loved them back didn't you? they'd treated you with such care, hadn't they? bathing you, feeding you, dressing you, and even visiting you. anytime they were around you, your heart would speed up and you'd get a weird feeling in your stomach.

that meant love, did it not?

subconsciously, you furrow your eyes and grit your teeth. they didn't love you. they were just crazy.

well, maybe they weren't crazy, maybe just misled. you've yet to learn about erwin's past, but based on the way he acts, you assume that it might be a sensitive topic. that had to be the only logical solution, right?

but if they weren't crazy, they'd let you outside, right?

but then again, the outside world could be dangerous at times. when you went outside last time, you did get scuffed and bruised because of the concrete. maybe they just wanted to protect you? that had to be it.

you open your mouth to reply, but the sound of your door opening and closing has you slamming it shut.

"she's still crying," levi asks while walking closer, frowning at how you grip erwin's hand tighter.

"it's best if i let you and her speak about it," erwin says sadly, letting go of your hand and making his way to the door, "alone."

you gulp as soon as erwin shuts the door behind him, staring at levi anxiously. he plops himself next to your body, just like erwin did before.

"please don't hurt me..."

sighing, he lays himself down next to you and pulls you close to him.

"i'm not going to hurt you," he pulls your head into his chest and wraps his arms around you, "not unless you deserve it."

"but...," you quiver, "you were so angry earlier."

"i wasn't angry. i was just... nervous, i guess. and it wasn't at you, or because of you, it was at the mess."

a silence floods the room as you relax in levi's embrace, heat once again spreading to your cheeks.

"what made you puke? i know lunch wasn't that bad," levi grumbles while rubbing your back, arm slightly stiff.

"erwin... was telling me about his case. the one about the girl getting kidnapped...," you tense up again while levi sighs.

"why would he tell you that? i swear he's gonna end up shooting himself in the foot one day," he shakes his head, "you're not like that girl."

"how so..."

"we did it because we love you, not because we wanted to use your body," he scoffs, "surprised you think of us that lowly."

"n-no! i-i don't," you exclaim.

"i know, i'm just teasing. but don't doubt us like that. we want to love you and care for you, not use you," you trace your finger in a circle at levi's sentence, embarrassment washing over you like a wave.

"you love me?"

"yeah, wouldn't do what i did otherwise."

"i think..." you furrow your eyebrows, unaware of the slightly shocked expression of levi, "i think i love you too..."

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #levi ackerman #snk levi #levi x you #levi x reader #erwin x levi #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi aot #erwin x you #attack on titan erwin #erwin smith #aot erwin #erwin x reader #sorrels.allforus💒#sorrels.darkcontent👛

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astridthevalkyrie · 4 years

Text

summer rain: chapter 4

Your days in the Training Corp aren’t too out of the ordinary. You make friends, you train hard, and you eat dinner every day.

Oh, and you’re also hellbent on getting revenge against Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.

Chapter 3, Chapter 5

i have finally found the two perfect songs for this series and that’s everytime by chen & punch and talk love by k. will so go give those a listen because damn if it isn’t these two idiots.

anyways, enjoy the chapter!

Nothing is right anymore, and yet people are so quick to adapt to any sense of normalcy they can. It’s marveling to watch how, in two measly days, the refugees have quieted down and stopped fighting for food. Stopped fighting, period. Now they seek comfort in one another, a sense of camaraderie in knowing that they’ve all gone through the same thing. And holy hells are there a lot of them.

Because soon after Shiganshina was torn through because of the monster they were calling the Colossal Titan, Wall Maria itself fell. Ploughed straight through by something called the Armored Titan as though it was made of feathers. The refugees here are safe - for now - but there are countless of people who weren’t lucky enough to get behind Wall Rose, and they’re out there dying right about now. No one knows if Rose is going to hold either. No one knows anything. So with the kinsmanship comes a heavy pretense of safety, in which everyone ignores how scared they are in favor of counting themselves lucky that they get to live even a single day longer.

You’re doing what you can. Obeying orders without so much as a single complaint. Of course all rations are to be given to the refugees, so you’ve only had one eighth of a potato in the past twenty four hours, but it’s better than nothing. For once, you can’t find any fault with your situation, because no matter how terrible or hungry or scared you’re feeling, there is undoubtedly someone feeling worse.

Such as Ricky.

His mother and old sister managed to get to the boats. His father and younger sister weren’t so lucky.

The two of you had been stationed inside the base together, to watch and hand out resources to the refugees, but you’d immediately taken full responsibility and told Ricky to stay with his family. He’d pulled you into a bone-crushing hug and ran off, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Unfortunately, they’re pretty unpleasant.

Captain Erwin Smith is famed for bringing home soldiers who are still alive. That and Levi’s raw skill with his ODM gear makes you hopeful enough that he’s alive, so you try not to think of him. Frankly, it’s selfish to worry about a single person when there’s so many people at risk, so you bury the troublesome thoughts and focus on your job.

The Garrison has done a good enough job with the resources they have, but the Military Police’s presence is aggravating more than anything. They’re here to keep order, not to keep people safe, and everyone knows it. You wonder if your mother would prefer if you joined with these bastards instead of the choice you’ve made for yourself.

There you go again, being selfish. It’s always been about your life, and your absolute disdain for boredom. Out there, good people are laying down their lives. And you? You enlisted in the Training Corp as some form of self-fulfillment. It’s the first time you’re feeling this overwhelming guilt, as you realize just how ignorant your point of view is. You’ve never even so much as seen a titan, and yet you fancy yourself a soldier.

What a stupid girl you’ve been.

A tug on your uniform makes you snap out of your thoughts, and you look down to see a small girl with black hair wrapped in a scarf that’s too big on her. You blink, and try your best to smile reassuringly.

“Hey. You need something?”

The girl’s voice is quiet, soft, as though she’s trying her best not to be a bother. “They said you were giving out blankets here. May I have four of them, please?”

You nod, leaning down to check the crate by your feet. Unfortunately, you’d been swarmed by people asking for blankets just a few minutes earlier, and you’re just one short of how many the girl needs.

“I only have three left,” you begin apologetically, biting your lip, “but wait here, I’ll go check with someone else.” But you know that’ll be pointless, all the other stations have probably run out too, and if they haven’t, they’re saving for themselves. Calling them out won’t make them give it to you, that much is for sure.

Even the little girl seems to know that much. She shakes her head, taking the three blankets you offer her. “It’s alright. Three is enough. I’ll give them to the others.”

You frown. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter much. But you know that you would hardly be so selfless in the same situation. Hell, you would have wanted two blankets to yourself - these thin sheets are only going to do the bare minimum to keep people warm. The girl piques your curiosity.

“What’s your name?”

She hesitates for a second, then says, “Mikasa.”

You hum as though you’re thinking about it. “Pretty name. Who are the blankets for?”

She smiles faintly at the compliment. “My friends, Eren and Armin, and Armin’s grandpa.”

Not her parents. Your heart breaks for her. You’re not going to pry, the girl has probably seen enough, but you admire her maturity and willingness to spend the nights cold. It must take a lot to love some people so dearly that one would give up basic comfort. To risk getting sick, which, given the circumstances, may just be a death sentence. Yes, that kind of love is truly special, and you wonder if you’ll ever love someone that much.

You want to be a little selfless, too.

“Here.” You shrug off your uniform jacket, draping it over her shoulders. “I know it’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.”

Mikasa’s eyes widen. “But don’t you need it, ma’am?”

“Eh. They can make me another one.” You shrug. “Besides, to tell you the truth, orange isn’t really my color.”

Her eyes shine tiredly at the unexpected kindness. “Thank you.”

You watch her run off, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. One person helped, out of thousands. It shouldn’t matter - you’re probably never going to see that girl again, you wouldn’t even know if the dumb uniform would do her any good. But there’s a part of you that can rest just a bit easier now, knowing that a child won’t be completely exposed to the harsh winter coming in. If the conditions of Wall Rose are anything to go by, you know that the refugees will be put to work in the fields very soon. It’s going to be a cold season indeed.

There’s been no time to process anything, which you’re almost grateful for. If you stop to think about the effect this is going to have on the fate of humankind, you might scream. There’s too much to think about, and there may be no time to think about it if things get even worse. For now, all you can do is try to help as many people as you can.

As Grumman always tries to drill into your head, it’s about dedicating your heart.

____________________

The new base and training areas are nice. That’s about all you can say for them. Losing the old one was akin to losing your home, and you know your comrades feel the same way, considering how awkward and depressing the shift has been. It feels stupid to start training again like the world hasn’t gone to shit, but you suppose it’s more necessary now than ever.

Everyone’s usual hijinks have stopped. Ophelia doesn’t cross her eyes and make faces whenever Grumman turns his back. Gunther’s habit of making finger guns every time he successfully slices a cardboard titan’s neck has ceased to exist. Even Traute, never one for jokes, seems even more morose and serious than usual. Everyone feels the loss keenly.

Ricky’s gone silent.

You don’t know how many people everyone has lost, and the worst feeling you’ve ever experienced is the relief that you haven’t lost anyone. It’s an ugly impulsive thought, but it trumps all the others in your head. Just overwhelming, horrible comfort.

It gets even worse when the Scouts return, almost three weeks later. There’s no cheers and hollers this time. Each and every single one of them is drenched in guilt and shame along with the blood coating their capes. Titan blood evaporates, you realize with a deep shudder.

The commander carries the same pain as the rest of them. Already, there’s been whispers of Commander Erwin, murmurs that Shadis is losing his touch and a younger, more clever man is needed. You don’t see how it matters who leads - titans are fucking titans, and they certainly don’t care. There’s no tactics that will make them stop being giant man-eating monsters.

You’ve been waiting for days to see Levi, but when you finally make him out, you quickly look away. The horrifying relief blooms in your chest again, and you curse and bless the circumstances that have brought you here. So he’s alive. So the constant anxiousness that has kept you up these last few nights is soothed. So what? Not everyone is as lucky as you. Things will never, ever go back to normal. You have no right to be happy about this.

When you glance at him again, you suck in a sharp breath when you see he’s gazing right back at you. There’s no brightness in his eyes, the rare spark that you’d seen in the moments the two of you shared is long gone. It seems like it was centuries ago. He’s seen too much. They all have.

There’s a question he seems to be asking you, but you have no idea what it is. You want to walk up to him, but a heavy force keeps your feet planted right where they are. All you can do is give him a confused expression, brows furrowed. It’s not like you’re telepathic. If he wants to ask you something, he’ll have to actually ask you.

But he doesn’t. He just looks away, seemingly conflicted, and continues to follow the others. When everything around him is hell, you wonder if you’re even important enough to be worth more than a couple of seconds of his attention. Thankfully, the thought isn’t painful like you imagined it might be. In fact, it’s a bit freeing to let go of this stupid, ridiculous, pointless plan. Your grudge against the lieutenant is about the least important thing in the world right now, so insignificant that you wonder how you ever thought it was worth your time in the first place. There’s no need to make yourself feel more like the foolish, self-centered bitch that you’re realizing you are.

The only problem that comes with letting go of this plan is that you’re letting go of Levi, and it’s a serious problem that the thought gives you such an aching pang in your chest.

____________________

Stephen is gently shaking you for a good ten seconds before you snap out of it, looking at him with a bewildered expression.

“Aren’t you going to go for your walk?”

You look around. Dinner is nearly over, and a few people have already filed out to go back to their dorms. You must’ve zoned out, like you have been ever since the Scouts came back earlier today. You’ve never been so unfocused in your life, simply because you didn’t like not knowing what was happening around you. This is so unlike you, but you’re not sure what to do to stop it. A dark cloud has settled over your shoulders, and you have absolutely no idea how to get rid of it.

“Yeah.” You sigh and stand up, squeezing his hand in thanks. “Ricky went to bed already?”

Stephen nods, with a concerned frown on his face. “I know you’re worried about him, (F/N). I am, too. A lot.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to have to worry about you too.”

You wince apologetically, running a hand through your hair. “Shit, I’m really sorry. Look, I’m fine, I am. I’m just...thinking a lot lately, that’s all.”

The last thing you want is to have your friends take time out of their day to schedule an intervention for you. You’re not the one who needs it. It’s as though everything just makes you feel worse and worse - it’s just that you feel fucking useless all the time, and now you’re an emotional burden to Stephen, who just has to be sweet to everyone.

“You don’t need to apologize,” he says kindly, “just take care of yourself, okay?

“Yeah. You too.” You squeeze his hand again and then head out, beginning your aimless walk around the grounds.

The moon is shining brightly, an unwanted beacon to the despair brewing inside you. Truthfully, you’re spiralling, and you haven’t spiralled in years, not since you decided to take control of your life. There’d been no trigger then, or maybe life itself had been the trigger, and you’d holed yourself up in your room as your head spun out of control. Cheesy questions like what am i doing here and what is my purpose and am i ever going to do anything meaningful rose to your mind then, and they do again now.

Back then, you’d decided that the answer simply lied outside of Stohess. You still believe that, to an extent. Going back isn’t going to solve anything, but...what did leaving accomplish? Your desires are fulfilled, but there’s no purpose to any of this. Not when people were and still are dying out there. Is the only way forward to dedicate yourself to the noble cause of saving humanity? There mustn't be a person alive who can give themselves that goal and actually hope to achieve it.

Well, except one.

This time, you’re the one who finds him.

He’s standing by his horse, stroking the fur gently. Somehow you’ve walked all the way to the stables without realizing. You take a step back, intending to walk away, but the selfish part of you that you’re starting to loathe doesn’t let you go any further than that. You’ve missed him, so much. You’ve missed his bad attitude, his amused smiles, his tantalizing gaze. You want it back, selfishness and selflessness all be damned. Now that he’s here in front of you, it’s too hard to resist.

“Lieutenant.”

Levi looks at you, and his shoulders droop as he stares wearily. He looks like he’s aged several years, and you consider that he probably doesn’t want to see you right now.

“Sorry to disturb you.” You take a deep breath, willing your hands to stay still by your sides and stop clenching. “Were you going for a ride?”

“Yeah.” He takes in the sight of you and then lets out the slightest of sighs. “Do you want to come?”

“What?”

Never in a million years did you expect him to offer going on a horse ride with you, and never in a billion years did you expect yourself to want to accept. You’re so taken aback that it doesn’t occur to you to note the little stool he’s using to hike himself up (as though he can’t pull himself on - it’s a formality more than anything). Levi’s looking at you, waiting for an answer, hand outstretched like he’s actually trying to live up to the fucking prince charming title you’ve given him.

“Okay,” you agree softly, not really knowing what the hell else you’re supposed to do.

You take his hand and he helps you on - really unnecessary, you can get on a horse by yourself - and you swallow when you realize he’s placed you in front. If he wants, he can observe your every reaction to him, and see...well, you don’t know what he’ll see or what you’ll do, but you know it’s not anything you’re willing to show him.

He gets on behind you, an arm snaking around your waist before he instructs you to hold onto the saddle tightly.

Neither of you speak. The horse trots peacefully, never going too fast. The poor thing’s probably done enough running to last it a lifetime. You caress the fur gently as you enter the forest, the moon now cloaked by the towering trees, stealing away your capacity for sight. It’s not something you inherently mind, honestly, it feels good to just close your eyes and relax.

But deep under the guilt and midlife crisis (probably more than midlife given the world you live in), you’re still you. And you get restless easily, not to mention you’ve been craving a conversation with Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, and you don’t want to pass up the chance.

“How bad was it?”

Okay, maybe not the conversation started you should have chosen.

“Bad,” Levi answers without much hesitation, “really bad.” He releases a shaky breath and on impulse you place your hand over his, immediately feeling awkward right after. Do you grip his fingers? Pat him in a show of solidarity? You don’t know, so you don’t do anything, but you don’t remove your hand either.

After a beat, he says, “I was wrong.”

You wrack your brain about what he could be wrong about. Maybe about asking you to come with him just now. Your company hasn’t exactly been what you would call pleasant.

“About what, sir?”

When Levi responds, you feel his hot breath on your neck and you barely stop yourself from shuddering. He shouldn’t be in such close proximity to you. Doesn’t he know what he does to you when he gets this close?

“I said I wanted to see the day that smile got wiped off your face. Now that the day’s here, I wish I could take it back.”

You whip your head around, not even bothering to make sure you don’t accidentally hit him. Luckily you don’t, even though he’s not far from you at all, just a centimeter closer and the tip of your nose would touch his. In the dark, you can barely make him out, but the grey eyes that have fascinated you for so long are discernible even without any light. He’s watching you, so intently that your face burns up, and you pray to whoever’s up there that he can’t see you too well without the moonlight.

But can anyone blame you? Lieutenant Levi, the man who’d punished you for smiling, was now claiming that he missed the very smile that had made you the bane of his existence. You can’t chalk it up to his usual mood swings, because you know it’s not that. You know he’s trying to tell you something, and you’re so close to figuring it out.

You don’t even flinch when his finger curls under your chin and tilts it up just a bit so he can appreciate the view properly.

Even in the dark, you know his lips are just a mere inch away from yours. You wonder what he tastes like.

No.

You turn back around, heart pounding wildly in your chest. It’s wildly inappropriate to think about doing something like that. You can’t, not when he’s your trainer and lieutenant and humanity’s savior. Whatever this is, you have to reel it in control.

“I can’t,” you say, and then quickly clarify so he doesn’t get the wrong idea, “I can’t smile. Not when so much has happened. How can I smile when people...when they’re out there...when you and the rest of the soldiers have sacrificed everything and I’ve done nothing?”

It’s not as though you expect him to give you the most motivational speech in the world, but when he answers, “You’re going to sacrifice plenty in the future,” you feel overwhelmed with guilt, and you just want it to stop. He doesn’t know. Doesn’t know your plans, your motivations, or why you’re here at all. He thinks you’re someone that you’re really, truly not.

But you’re not brave enough to tell him any of that. So you opt for the other truth, the less relevant but equally as pressing one.

“I’m not strong enough.”

“No,” Levi murmurs in agreement, “but you’re going to be.” Both his arms are curled around you, and there’s something uplifting in his tone when he says, “4 AM tomorrow, understood?”

Just like that, your goal changes.

If the lieutenant thinks that you can actually be useful, then maybe...maybe you actually can. You’ve somehow gotten in the top ten without even meaning to, so it’s not too much of a stretch to think you could be really good if you actively tried. And he’s still willing to train you - even after all that’s happened, he doesn’t consider you an added bother to his already difficult life. And you plan to value that, now. You’re going to get better, stronger, faster. No more passivity. And maybe if you do this, you can ease the guilt brewing inside before you completely drown in it.

“Yes, sir.”

Determination has risen back inside you, but a ghost of a smile only reappears on your face when you hear him yawn, something you’re one hundred percent sure you’ve never seen nor heard before.

“Are you actually sleepy, Lieutenant?” you tease quietly, “it’s not even 11 PM yet.”

“You should be happy,” he mutters, “all your efforts trying to chase away my insomnia and it’s finally worked.”

If not for the trees providing you safety in the form of the absence of light, you wouldn’t be as bold to do what you do next. Closing your eyes, you lean back and hunch down, resting your cheek against his chest. He stiffens a little at the close contact, but doesn’t say anything or push you away. You won’t kiss him, but you can allow yourself this much, just to seek comfort in the safety he provides just by being there. He’s so, so warm.

The horse rides on, and Levi keeps his arms around you and on the reigns.

Truthfully, as you listen to his heartbeat, you don’t think you’ll ever know who comforts who most tonight.

____________________

The next morning, you’re there before he is, on your fourth lap by the time he walks up. If Levi’s surprised, he doesn’t show it. He only takes his new spot on the new grounds at this new base, and watches you from afar.

Naturally, he still barks at you that your stance is sloppy when you start doing your squats, asking you snidely how many times he’s told you that you need to squat down at a ninety degree angle and just what you did in your early mathematics classes if that’s what you think ninety degrees is. He still presses you into the ground with his foot when you attempt to do a push-up without going all the way down. And he absolutely still withholds your water privileges until you’re practically dizzy from your activities.

Except this time, you have no complaints. You do what you’re ordered.

And maybe stop to give him one or two pointed glares.

When he dismisses you, you find that you’ve still got a bit of energy left. You’re certainly not sleepy.

“Will you spar with me?”

Levi raises a brow, unimpressed. “So you can get your ass handed to you again?”

“I’ve improved!” you cry out indignantly.

“Oh yeah, you’ve made great strides.” He snorts, digging his heel into the ground and raising his fists. “Okay, (L/N), give me your best shot.”

With Lieutenant Levi, the thing that matters most is the element of surprise. Last time, you went for his legs, so he’ll see that coming. You quickly scan his stance - how is it that you two have spent so much time together and you still haven’t located a single weakness of his? Not that that’s what you’re doing anymore, but it would sure be helpful in a fight. Needless to say, you need to think fast.

So before either of you can move, you cry out in pain, clutching your side. “Shit! I - I think I pulled a muscle - ow, fuck -”

Levi’s beside you in an instant, hand reaching down to inspect your stomach. Damn, you’re a better actor than you give yourself credit for. As soon as he reaches out, you grab his bicep with both your hands, plant your feet, and yank up as hard as you can.

No, you probably can’t throw him over your shoulder. But you can at least try to whirl him around you and then tackle him while he tries to regain his balance.

Well, you could if Levi didn’t twist his arm out of your grasp within a single second and grab you in a chokehold.

“Playing dirty, are we?” he whispers in your ear, “naughty girl, I should keep you here an extra hour just for that.”

Gasping for breath, you pat his elbow repeatedly in defeat. Surrender, you surrender! After holding on to lord his victory over you just a little longer, he lets you go, and you suck air into your lungs desperately.

He doesn’t make you stay any longer, but nonetheless, you certainly lose your brawl. How disappointing.

“I’ll...get you...next time…”

Levi’s lips quirk into what can be taken for a smile. “No, you won’t.”

“Yes I will!”

____________________

You lose the next time.

____________________

And the next time.

____________________

And the next.

____________________

It’s a whole two months later when Ricky laughs again.

There’s nothing funny about the situation at all - everyone is freezing their ass off in the middle of nowhere and questioning just how surviving a snowy mountain is going to improve their combat skills. No one was brave enough to ask this question before, though, so now all they can do is deal with it. The problem is that your group is definitely lost.

“Well, this is great,” Gunther groans, sinking on his knees into the snow. You wonder how he can handle the cold biting past his clothes and into his skin.

Ophelia, who’s been pessimistic since the beginning, seems to take this as her permission to sling her bag off and completely give up. “We’re going to die up here.”

You huff. “We’re not going to die, but yeah, we’re gonna lose some merit. They’ll probably send a search party by morning.”

“T-tell us, (F/N),” Gunther says in that smarmy tone of his that makes you pity his parents, “how exactly are we going to make it till morning? You got a fur coat hiding away in those custom boots?”

Ophelia snorts and you narrow your eyes at him. “If I did, I wouldn’t share it. And they’re not custom, it’s actually a very popular brand item.”

“Well, mind trading with me? All I have are these ratty ones.”

“I do mind, actually.”

Ricky hasn’t said anything, only observed your interactions with a blank expression. You let out a pained breath, filled with disdain at seeing your precious oxygen visibly. Yeah, you’ve decided you’re not a fan of the cold, not one bit. You’re already one of those people who is cold all the time, and this isn’t really helping. Apparently no one has any idea, and although Gunther was assigned team leader, you decide to step in.

“We have two options.” You hug yourself, rubbing your arms in an unsuccessful attempt to warm up. “We could try to find some shelter and stay alive till morning, or…” You sigh, not really a fan of all the work that goes into option two, but it’s still the one you’re leaning towards. “Or we get our shit together and find out how to get back to the cabin tonight.”

You’ve got something to prove, after all.

Ophelia’s teeth are chattering as she says, “W-where the h-hell will we find shelter out here?”

“Nowhere. That’s why we’re gonna go with the other idea.”

“Someone’s eager to hold onto her position,” Gunther accuses, “even if it means sacrificing her team!”

“Oh my God, who am I sacrificing? Who have I sacrificed so far? No one!”

“Yet!”

You make a rude gesture and stalk off on your own. The others call after you, but only Ricky follows, grabbing your shoulder before you misstep and tumble into the icy ground. You groan loudly, this is so not how the night was supposed to go. You have to make it back.

“You’ve changed,” Ricky says all of a sudden. “I’ve known that for a while, and I know that we all have, but you’ve done a complete turnaround. I mean…” He hesitates, considering his words carefully. You wonder if he knows that just by doing that, he’s showing that he’s changed quite a bit too. “You would have decided to give up on this by now. So what’s the deal?”

Honestly, it’s surprising that it’s taken him this long to ask. Nonetheless, these days you’re glad to hear Ricky speak at all, so anything he says is welcome. That doesn’t mean you know how to answer his question, though.

“Like you said, we’ve all changed. I just decided to…” You trail off and shiver, rubbing your hands together.

“Give a shit?”

You give him a weak smile. “Yeah.”

Ricky nods, looking satisfied enough with the answer. There’s a slight shift in his expression as he peers at you. “It’s not out of pity, right?” When you look confused, he clarifies. “Not out of pity for me. I know I don’t matter that much to you - I just mean, if you feel bad for everything that’s happened, to everyone, you shouldn’t.”

Scoffing, you glare at him, with crossed arms. “Who said you don’t matter to me?”

“Do I?” He grins, looking genuinely surprised. “Me, the outer city peasant?”

This time you allow yourself to speak without thinking. Sometimes, the moment just calls for it. “Yeah, well, we rich folk have to do some charity work sometimes.”

That’s when Ricky laughs, and oh, how you’ve missed the sound. He throws his head back, looking up to the sky like he’s praying. Snowflakes coat his cheeks, and when he looks back at you, his eyes are bright, and he’s gazing at you in the same way you’re sure he once gazed at his poor, lovely little sister who couldn’t make it long enough to see her brother step up and become a hero of humanity.

Then he grabs your arm, yanking you forward.

“Come on, twerp.” He ignores your protests that his hand is freezing. “Let’s get you off this mountain.”

____________________

Okay, Petra definitely knows that you’re trying to compete with her for the number one position. She’s just too nice to say anything, so the two of you just silently try to outdo each other in every which way. Teacher asks a question in class? Either your hand or her’s will fly up right away. Grumman walks by? Well, the two of you are saluting faster than anyone else can even ball their fist. There’s an advanced exercise at 2 PM? You both finished your exercises early and are there at 1:30.

You’re not even sure when you started competing with her, but here you are.

And to be fair, you’re neck and neck with the star student. In classes, you’re basically equal, her because she works hard and studies and you because you retain information well and can play suck up rather well. As for hand to hand combat, you pretty much top your entire Cadet Corp except maybe Traute. When people are paired up to train to steal the knife from each other, no one ever wants to partner up with you (which both hurts and is rather flattering). Yeah, in a fight, you’re pretty much secure. It’s the 3D maneuvering where Petra has you beat.

Now, you’re not bad at using your ODM gear, not by any means. She’s just a damn natural. Any maneuver that takes you five days to pull off is one she can manage in three. A part of you wishes that she actually was a horrible person - then you could at least use your dislike of her as a motivator to beat her. Alas, you’re quite fond of the other girl.

These complaints are what you find yourself telling Levi one morning, after requesting that he watch you fly through the forest. Nowadays it wasn’t entirely unusual for you to stay past 6 AM, either doing extra training or just talking to him. He’d complied, and you’d gotten gear for the both of you to use in the forest.

Seeing him in action only serves to make you even more grouchy about your own skills. Levi’s already fast enough on his feet; with the ODM gear he seems nearly invincible and you have an inkling he’s not performing to the best of his abilities just to monitor you. When you finally tire yourself out, you grumpily toss the gear off, head out into the grass, check for bugs and flop down onto your back once you’re sure it’s safe. “I don’t get it,” you moan unhappily, “why can’t I do it as well as you can?”

Levi steps in front of you, his head blocking out the rising sun. Ah, perfect. “It’s because you enjoy it too much.”

“Oh, is that your professional diagnosis?”

He sucks in a long breath, which you know translates to you’re so fucking difficult, damn shitty brat. “My professional diagnosis is that you’re a dumbass.”

“Aww, thanks, sir! But I only take medical advice from licensed professionals.”

Levi notes your position and moves out of the way to allow the sun to blind you. You wince, squinting in the sunlight, and your hand comes up to shield your poor eyes. Averting your gaze, you peer straight up. In the middle of spring, from the open grounds down below, the clouds have never looked more beautiful.

“Wanna lay down with me? It’s therapeutic. The grass feels great.” You beckon him down next to you, but he shakes his head, instead choosing to deliver a small kick to your side. You hiss - someone seriously needs to do something about the lieutenant’s violent tendencies.

“Do you think I’m doing this so you can look at the pretty sky?”

Tossing your arm over your eyes, you say, “No, you’re doing this because you’re interested in me.”

The sound that Levi lets out is so strangled that you immediately look at him, concerned. He turns away from you for a second, scoffing with his cheeks tinted slightly red, and that’s when you realize he took your statement in an entirely wrong way. You’re a bit offended nonetheless, he doesn’t have to act like it’s disgusting to even think about you in that way. People have been interested in you! It’s happened, you’re a delight! He’s just blind, that’s all.

“I meant interested in me as a subordinate.” You sit up, knees hunched to your chest. “Now that Commander Erwin is in charge, everyone knows you’re going to get promoted soon too. Get a whole squad all to yourself.” Grinning at him, you let your palms rest on the blades of grass beneath you. “Hunting for your own lieutenant, Captain Levi?”

Huh. The title rolls right off the tongue. It suits him pretty well.

He looks at you strangely for a second, before holding his hand out. As you tug yourself up, he mutters, “Please, if I was going to have a lieutenant, I’d need someone competent.”

“Well,” you drawl, not bothered, “I’m not interested anyways.” At least there, you’re being truthful. Even if the thought makes you feel ashamed.

You and him continue to bicker as you walk across the grounds to put the gear back in the shed. While you don’t exactly walk slowly, you don’t go at your fastest pace either, itching to prolong the time that the two of you share. A stark contrast to the first few weeks you trained with him, when all you could think about was going back to bed. Now, nearly a year and a half later, you’re not sleepy, you’re not angry, and you don’t hate him.

When it’s time to part ways, you pretend as though you’re studying him carefully.

“What?” Levi snaps, but there’s no bite to his bark.

“I stand by what I said earlier, about you wanting a lieutenant.” A small smirk spreads on your lips. “But I also think you just have a crush on me.”

He stares at you. A second passes. Two seconds.

Three seconds.

You burst out laughing, hitting his shoulder. “You should see your face! Did you think I was serious?”

He looks at you with his eyes narrowed crossly, only serving to make you laugh louder.

“Minx,” he finally says, shaking his head, “a fucking minx is what you are, (L/N).”

____________________

“It’s raining!”

The excitement with which you squeal those words has nearly everyone rolling their eyes, but they follow you out anyways. It’s nice of them to abandon their lunch for this momentous occasion, rain during the summertime. You feel a rush of love for your fellow cadets, specifically for the three people who are right besides you. Of course you’ve always considered Millie your best friend, but Ricky and Stephen had filled a piece of your soul that you didn’t know was empty. This is your family, and you love them.

“Stephen!” Millie’s voice comes, scolding next to you. “Are you serious?”

“What?”

“He still doesn’t know what regiment he wants to join.”

“Leave him alone,” Ricky asserts, taking a swipe at her that she ducks.

“I know what I want to join,” Stephen mumbles, “I’m just not sure…”

Somehow, you know exactly what he’s considering. The rain gives you courage.

“The Scouts are wonderful.” Stephen turns to you, surprised, and you let out a giddy laugh. “They’re amazing. Brave, and heroic, and they kick ass. You’d do really well there, Stephen.”

You’re rambling, but by some miracle, Stephen takes your words to heart and makes his decision.

“Okay,” he says, with a wide smile on his face. “I’ll join the Scouts.”

Ricky coughs into his fist, something that sounds suspiciously like kiss ass. You’re too enthralled by your current environment to notice that, or Millie’s disapproving glare.

Bathing in the rain, you spin around until you’re dizzy. Droplets pour down your face, soaking your hair, your uniform, and you couldn’t be more thrilled. This, really, is what happiness is. The chance to fool around in the rainfall, to throw your hands up and feel precisely just how little of a speck you are in the vast, wide world. Slipping a hand into your bun, you let your hair down, closing your eyes as you soak up the thrill.

Everyone is chattering in groups around you. No one is mourning the lunch that has been long forgotten in the mess hall.

There’s grey eyes watching you when you open yours, a fond smile that you think he probably let slip past the tough exterior on his face. No one can resist this weather.

Maybe third time’s the charm. Even if it’s not, it doesn’t hurt to try, right?

You raise your hand and wave at him.

From the distance, still watching you closely, Levi sighs softly and then waves back.

Something you’ve never felt before bubbles up in your chest. It threatens to consume you as the others become a blur in the precipitation around you. You feel light on your feet, almost as though you’re not even touching the ground anymore. Affection? Adoration? For him?

Maybe it’s because of the stupid way he holds his teacup. Or maybe it’s the way he looks at you like you’re the funniest, most ridiculous person he’s ever met. It might be how his touch always lingers, how he’s always warm, and how he never fails to catch you when you stumble. How about that dumb cravat, why is he always wearing that?

His sarcastic quips, always ready to fire back at you. The way he brushed your tears away that time he’d found you crying. How he never pushes you to open up more than you want to, and how truthful he is. The feeling you get when he smiles or laughs at you, knowing it’s a rarity for him. His eyes, a blend of silver and charcoal that you could stare into for hours and still never get tired of.

It’s here, dancing in the summer rain, that you realize something that really should have been painfully obvious. There’s a reason you notice all these things. There’s a reason your heart is fluttering right now. There’s a reason that time has frozen, and there’s a reason you feel like you’re floating a thousand miles up in the air.

It’s because you like him. You really, really like him.

Oh, shit.

reader on her first day: wow levi’s eyes are beautiful

reader whenever levi is in front of her: damn he is so alluring

reader every time levi so much as glances at her: does he like me?

reader for two years: if levi asked me to have sex with him i would

also reader: omg i have a crush on him??? how is that possible?????

falling for a guy just because he finally waved back at you after like sixteen months is kinda weird but you do you girl.

one chapter left! :O

#aot #attack on titan #aot x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #valkyrie stories

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alpacaparkaseok · 4 years

Text

Lost & Found - 13

Pairing: Park Jimin x soulmate (oc)

Warnings: Insecurity, anxiety, abandonment, oc feels like she’s gonna puke which, honestly, same

Word Count: 5.3k

a/n: we’ve only got a few chapters left!!!! *cue the screaming*

Chapter 13. You Never Walk Alone

series masterlist

I’ve never been one to follow the rules.

In fact, I’ve wondered many times if I came into existence for the sole purpose of breaking as many rules as possible within a short amount of time.

However, as I sit here staring down at my phone and listening to it ringing without someone answering on the other end, I find myself promising whoever is listening to my prayers that I’ll obey every rule to come my way for the rest of my life as long as someone just answers me.

For hours, no one does.

By the time the moon has risen, I’ve finally dozed off on the couch with my phone still in hand and a very confused Elle on my stomach. When my phone begins to ring, I jump, nearly falling off of the couch in the process.

Without even bothering to see who is calling me, I bring the phone up to my ear.

“Yah, hyung. I’m already- oh...Jolie?”

I blink, wondering for a moment if this is all some cruel dream. “...Jimin? What’s going on- what happened?”

“You’re safe- she’s safe, hyung.” There’s chatter in the background, but my ears perk up at a familiar voice. “I’m so sorry, you must have been worried sick- hey!”

“Jolie?”

I jump off the couch, eyes wide. “Chung-hei?! What’s going on? Why haven’t you been answering your phone? I- I thought…”

I don’t quite know what I thought. Obviously, that the worst had transpired. Chung-hei knows exactly what path my thoughts have taken, as she’s quick to explain.

“I’m so sorry, Jolie. When we left your place Sunmi noticed that someone was tailing us,” my breath comes up short. “I think they thought you were with us, they might have been tailing the car for the past couple of days to make sure it was yours. And then they probably saw Christina…”

She doesn’t need to explain that to me. No doubt whoever was tailing them saw Christina with her severed thread and automatically assumed that she was Jimin’s estranged soulmate.

“So what happened? Is everyone ok? Is Christina alright?”

There’s some fumbling on the other side of the phone, and I swear I hear Chung-hei’s annoyed sigh but it’s quickly covered as another familiar voice breaks through the phone.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me!” Christina shouts a little unnecessarily.

“I- how did you hear me?” I ask, furrowing my brows. “Am I on speaker?”

There’s a long pause in which I know that I must be on speaker, especially as a voice that sounds mysteriously like Kim Seokjin shouts “Yeah you are we wanted to know what you sound like!” There’s a muffled grunt in which I can imagine someone giving him a firm elbow to the ribs.

“Hang on, let me step outside-” Christina’s suggestion is met with a load of whining, but she must ignore them because a second later all is silent save for the sound of wind. “There. I needed to get out of there- I’m freaking out. I’m so dying right now.”

“I’m sure you’re rattled, you were literally just tailed! How did you lose them?”

“Oh, yeah. That sucked, but I was talking about the fact that I literally just met BTS. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but Park Jimin is so much more handsome in person. I couldn’t hardly think straight in there-”

“Yeah, yeah,” I groan, burying my face in my hands. “Save it for later. I was a mess over here, thinking you’d died or something. Can you please explain what went on?”

Once she subsides in her giggling - and I get over the strange butterflies that have somehow come to life in my stomach - Christina gets to the point.

“Right...well, we’d only made it a couple of blocks before Sumni noticed that someone was following us. She’s been trained to pick up on that kind of stuff, you know. She said that they’d been hiding out near your apartment earlier, and that it looked like they’d been waiting the entire time while we’d been inside.”

“So how’d you lose them?”

“She drove straight toward the Bighit building and contacted the security there. By the time the people tracking us knew that she was leading them into a trap, it was too late. They got pulled over, security took them over to the police department a little while ago.”

I shiver thinking about them lurking outside of my apartment, waiting for an opportunity to strike.

“And...why didn’t you answer my calls, then? I seriously was about to go running around Seoul looking for you.”

Christina barks a laugh. “That’d be a sight to see. We were told to power off our phones, they’re being looked at right now to make sure they weren’t able to somehow get a way to track us through there. We should get them back pretty soon.”

Taking a seat and then slinking down to sprawl out on the couch, I sight at the ceiling. My eyes well up tears of relief, but I close my eyes to stop them from escaping. “I’m happy you’re safe.”

“Me too. The boys were already at the Bighit building, you should’ve seen Jimin. He was-” Christina lowers her voice as though suddenly realizing that she’s not that far from the man in question, “You know how the boys say that he can be really scary when he’s angry?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I believe them now. I think it was a good thing security took those people away before he could see them. He probably would have killed them, he looked so pissed off.”

I snort out a laugh, throwing my hand over my mouth. “Let me guess, that only made him more attractive to you?”

“You know what, it totally did.”

It feels good to laugh after the stress of the day, so I let it out. Giggling up a storm with Christina who admits that she may be wavering in her undying devotion for Jimin simply because of the fact that Taehyung offered her a glass of lemonade.

“Oh, oh! He’s looking at me- oh. He’s telling me to come back inside.” I let out another guffaw at Christina’s massive crush on Taehyung. “Hey, I have to turn you back over to your soulmate now, but I’ll let you know when I get my phone back. Ok?”

“Ok,” I mumble, suddenly going quiet. There’s some static as the phone is exchanged, and suddenly Jimin’s speaking to me.

“Hey...you doing ok?”

I blink, taken aback by his question. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Then, when he doesn’t respond, “Are you...alright?”

From the way the voices in the background are fading, Jimin must be moving away to find a more private location. Indeed, I again hear Seokjin’s teasing voice in the background however it’s too muffled to understand.

“Yeah. All good over here.” I hear a door click shut. “There’s something I need to talk to you about, though. About everything that happened today. You might not like it, but...well, it’s for your own safety.”

This has me sitting up straight, bracing for whatever it is he’s about to say. “Ok…”

“We need you to stay inside, don’t leave your house. Just for a couple of days, maximum. We don’t know if these people had more that were trying to track you, and until we can round them all up…”

I stare blankly at the wall in front of me. Stay here? No work?

Honestly, it doesn’t sound that bad.

Except for one little thing.

“...Jolie?”

“I...I’m not sure, Jimin.”

“I know. I know, and I’m sorry,” it makes it so much worse, because I can hear just how sorry he is. “But please, just for a few days. We need- I need you safe.”

How can I say no to that?

“Alright.”

“You’ll do it? I’ll have groceries delivered, just text me what you need-”

“I’m pretty sure I can pay for my groceries, Jimin,” I say with a strained smile, eyeing the calendar on the wall and the circled date just a couple of days from now. Hopefully all of this will blow over by then. “Don’t worry.”

“Honestly, if you don’t send me a grocery list I’ll just end up sending random food to your apartment. So take your pick, I guess.”

Rolling my eyes fondly, I give an over exaggerated sigh. “Fine. I’ll compile a list.”

✂

The girls get their phones back not long after I finish my conversation with Jimin. Sunmi is quick to send me a play by play of Christina’s growing crush, which helps to ease the worry growing in the pit of my stomach.

The next morning there’s a pile of groceries waiting outside on my doorstep, making me smile softly. Jimin had clearly added a few items to my small list, because I don’t remember requesting a bag of chocolates or a bag of Doritos. Either way, I’ll take it.

There isn’t a whole lot to do with my day off, other than find a new show to watch and different ways to annoy Elle. Jimin texts me throughout the day, and I find myself itching to call him.

If only to just hear his voice for a moment.

However, as my fingers hover over the call button, I find myself hesitating. It scares me just how quickly I want to interact with him. After all that I did to distance myself from him, I’ve been reduced to an insatiable fangirl after a bouquet of flowers and some slipped chocolates.

Staring at my phone, I try my best to control my breathing. Then I send off a message.

Me: Ok, help. I’m freaking out.

Christina is quick to respond.

Christina 🍯: hahahahaha

Me: what.

Me: I come to you for help and I get laughed at? 😡

Christina 🍯: no, it’s just...when are you not freaking out?

Christina 🍯: think about it

Christina 🍯: you always are lol

Me: Ok. Not helping. Remember, I came to you for help?

Christina 🍯: right right, what’s up

Me: I think this is all happening too fast

Christina 🍯: I’m assuming this is about Park Jimin?? Who, might I add, looked fiiiine in his sweats yesterday

Me: QUIT IT

Me: I’M GROWING WEAK

Christina 🍯: are you feeling things?!! 😱

Me: YES OK I AM PLS HELP

Christina 🍯: I don’t see why you need help…?

Christina 🍯: isn’t this a good thing?

Me: is it?

Christina 🍯: ...yes.

Christina 🍯: what brought this on?

Me: I want to call him.

Christina 🍯: ….

Me: We just talked last night.

Christina 🍯: ….

Me: well, isn’t it all a bit much? I mean, I literally was trying to be completely separated from him just a few weeks ago and now I’m suddenly having to remind myself that I don’t need to constantly talk to him! Isn’t that like a bit...idk, a bit sketchy??

Christina 🍯: no.

Christina 🍯: idk if you remember this, but he’s your soulmate. And sometimes when people start to meet their soulmates, they want to talk all the time.

Me: isn’t it going to annoy him? I mean, I already kinda feel like a pity case…

Christina 🍯: first off, no. you’re not a pity case, so stop thinking that. If anyone’s a pity case, it’s me because I was invited to lunch today with Chung-hei nd the boys and I’m gonna ride this out for as long as possible

Christina 🍯: if I could sneak you a picture of Tae without looking like a creep, I totally would 😰

Me: ok, I don’t know how to respond to that lolll

Me: have fun at lunch though!!! Don’t drool or anything

Christina 🍯: yeah, let’s move past that 😂

Christina 🍯: just, call him. Honestly, he’s been checking his phone constantly anyways. And, don’t you think he deserves it? Call him. You know I don’t mean this in a rude way but...he’s done everything in this weird relationship-that’s-not-a-relationship so far. Time for you to return the favor.

✂

“...Jimin?”

Jimin blinks, looking around the table until his eyes land on who was just calling his name. Chung-hei smiles at him from her spot beside Namjoon.

“Yes?”

It’s when everyone starts to giggle that he realizes he must have missed something.

“How’re you doing over there?” Chung-hei asks. Jimin frowns.

“...good. How are you?”

Namjoon places his arm on the back of Chung-hei’s chair, and Jimin notices the way her cheeks automatically redden.

“You seem a little distracted today,” Namjoon croons. “That’s all.”

Looking around at everyone’s amused faces, Jimin notices one face that isn’t looking in his direction.

Christina is smiling slightly at her phone, fingers flying across the screen as she texts out a message.

“Christina’s distracted too!” Jimin points to the girl like a kindergartener, a sly smile on his face when she looks up at him with raised brows.

“Hey, it’s for a good reason,” she says.

“Oh?” Taehyung leans forward, resting his chin in his hand. “And what would that be?”

Everyone notices the way Christina looks at Taehyung before quickly looking away, as though looking at him for too long could burn her. Like a moth to a candle, though, she can’t quite stay away.

“His soulmate,” she finally says, pointing an accusing finger right back at him. “I’m helping her through an existential crisis or something.”

Jimin automatically scoots forward, concern written across his face. “What’s going on? Does she need something?”

Christina snorts as a text - a text from Jolie, apparently - comes through on her phone. “No. She’s fine. Just needs to get out of her head. I suspect that sitting cooped up in the house isn’t helping.”

Ah.

It had hurt to have to order her to stay home, he knew how much that could hurt. Sure, some people might not have a problem with it. But something told him that there were only so many distractions in Jolie’s small apartment that could keep her entertained. Hopefully it would all be over soon.

And then what?

That was the question that had been plaguing him today. How long would he be forced to run this same track over and over again? How long until they were both ready to face each other?

They were going to face each other, right?

Christina sits back in her chair with a satisfied sigh, looking quite pleased with herself.

“What are you so happy about?” Jimin asks, leaning back and crossing his arms. Christina merely looks at him and then down at his phone which sits atop the table.

Just like magic, it begins to ring.

“O-oh, uh…” Jimin scrambles to his feet, nearly tipping over his water in the process. Grabbing his phone, he looks for the quickest exit.

“Why don’t you just stay in here?” Jin asks, ever the prying one. “We can all chat.”

Jimin pays him no mind, heading straight for the door and bringing the phone to his ear. “Hey, what’s up?” He prays he sounds nonchalant.

“Aish, he’s already so over-protective,” Hobi calls out loud enough for Jolie to hear on the other side of the phone.

“Hyung! At least wait until I’m out of the room!” Jimin shouts back, finally slipping out into the hallway. Jolie’s laugh is enough to make him smile.

“Sounds like you’re having fun,” she teases.

Jimin sighs, leaning his head back against the wall. “So much. How are you? Have you gone stir-crazy yet?”

There’s a moment’s silence. “Yes. Definitely. I think by about eight o’clock this morning, actually.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine.”

Another moment of silence, in which Jimin scrambles for something - anything to say in order to keep her on the phone.

“Did you, uh, get the groceries?” It’s a pointless question; he was notified this morning when they were dropped off.

“Oh! I did! And I saw some chocolate…? And Doritos. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

Jimin grins. “Nope. No clue.”

“Huh. Interesting. I could have sworn you’d added them in there. What are you trying to do, make me fall in love with you or something?”

Of course, the answer is yes. Can he say that, though?

Aren’t they supposed to be taking this slow? Why did nobody tell him that it would be this hard to do something so simple?

“Sorry...was that awkward?”

Jimin starts at the sound of Jolie’s voice, realizing that he never responded. “Er, no. Sorry, I was just thinking.” He chuckles awkwardly. “Is chocolate all it takes, then?”

He swears he can hear a gasp on the other side of the phone, but then again that may just be wishful thinking.

Either way, he temporarily throws caution to the wind. He knows he’s toeing the line, but he can’t find it in himself to back off. Not when he can hear Jolie’s soft laugh on the other side of the phone and wonders if she’s wearing that same smile he saw for a fraction of a second all those weeks ago.

“Well, it’s a good start. Obviously the chips were a bonus.”

“Ah, yeah. I thought those might be a nice touch.” He pauses. “Hey, are your flowers still doing good? Or are they dead?”

“I feel like I’m in danger of receiving more flowers if these ones are dead,” Jolie muses.

“Danger? Really?”

“You know you don’t have to keep me in constant supply of flowers, right? Besides, I’m planning on drying the ones I have now.”

“Consider it a present for making you stay inside for so long.”

Jolie hums on the other side, and Jimin finds himself nodding along to the sound. “About that...any updates? Do I have any more stalkers?”

Jimin shivers at the thought. He’s dealt with his fair share of stalkers over the years, he’s had quite enough of them. “Nothing yet, but we should know more by tonight at the latest. I’ll be sure to call you as soon as I know.”

It’s quiet on the other side, but Jimin allows some time for the quiet to settle. When he doesn’t get a response back for a while, he quietly speaks.

“Hey, you alright over there?”

There’s a long sigh, one that he thinks he wasn’t supposed to hear. “Mm? Oh, yeah. All good. You good?”

Jimin smiles. “All good.”

✂

House arrest doesn’t suit me. It’s going on day three, and I’ve found that the thrill of television isn’t what it used to be. Especially not as the pile of empty chocolate wrappers grow.

I told Jimin as much last night before I went to bed. I also accused him of trying to make me gain weight. He only cackled and told me he’d send over healthier foods in the morning.

I should have known it sounded too good to be true. This morning I checked my porch to see a suspicious grocery bag with bananas and apples on the top. Upon further inspection I found that the fruit was only a cover for what lay underneath.

Two more bags of assorted chocolates.

Oh, and a note that Jimin must have added for the deliverer which was left on the bag. It simply said: delivery request: please hide chocolate under the fruit.

“I can’t believe it.”

“Wow, so are we past saying hello when we call? I don’t know how I feel about that.”

I try to ignore how easy - how right - it feels to just grab my phone and call Jimin up. There are still a fair amount of nerves going into it, but over the past few days we’ve grown accustomed to it.

“You sent me more chocolate!”

“Buuut I countered it with fruit. Isn’t that good?”

I roll my eyes. “Sure, but the fact that you’re forcing me to practice self-restraint is absolutely horrible.

“Ah, I see. So next time I should just send the apples?”

“No…”

I find a comfortable spot on the couch, staring at the calendar before me. Staring at the date, with a little circle around it.

Nothing to celebrate today. But certainly something to remember.

Jimin’s rambling - he rambles, I’ve come to learn this - about his day and how they have an interview coming up this weekend, however I find that I’m struggling to listen. Especially as the calendar grows larger and larger in my eyes.

I wait until it’s dark to slip out.

With my pre-ordered train ticket shining on my phone, I keep my head down and my hood up as I rush to the station. At this time of night on a weekday, there aren’t nearly as many people about. That being said, it’s still Seoul. There are still plenty of people on the sidewalks, and I can only pray that they don’t notice my lack of a red thread amidst the sea of threads adorning the roads.

Thankfully, I make it to the station without much of an issue. It isn’t long before I’m settled and holding the dried hydrangeas close to my chest.

It isn’t a long ride to my hometown, only about twenty minutes by train. Throughout the entire time I remain on high alert, knowing that if I somehow wind up in trouble that Bighit may very well murder me in my sleep.

I watch as the train rolls to a stop at my destination, and I hurry off before anyone can notice me. Once I’m outside, I let out a sigh of relief.

It’s been too long.

One year, actually.

The cemetery isn’t far from the station, and I don’t dare risk a taxi. So, with my flowers still in hand, I begin my silent pilgrimage.

✂

Not much has changed here. I peeked the same family that runs the sweet shop I used to adore, constantly begging for just enough won for some sweets. The streets even look the same, only a few small changes here and there.

It’s the fact that this was my home but that I don’t quite belong here anymore that makes my feet all the heavier. When the cemetery finally comes into view, I take a deep breath and trudge onward.

Coming to a stop before a small tombstone, I groan and kneel before it. It was a longer walk than I remembered.

“Hey Mom,” I whisper, taking care to gently separate the bouquet in half and lay some flowers on either side. “Dad.” Once the flowers are in their proper places, I lean back on my hands.

“I’m not really supposed to be outside right now...but, I promised I’d visit every year, didn’t I?” I look expectantly at the tombstone, but receive no answer. The stone is cold and unwavering, but I find that I don’t mind. The moon is bright and full, shining down enough light to see clearly. “Well, I’m here. I would have brought you some fresh flowers but...well, things are a little complicated right now.”

Inhaling deeply, I chew on my bottom lip before exhaling. As I do, my vision blurs a bit with unshed tears. Finally, bringing my left hand forward, I look down at the severed thread.

“Mom, you wouldn’t know who he is, but I met my soulmate. Well, not officially, I guess. That’s where things get complicated. But I’m trying to fix it.” Looking heavenward, I watch the stars winking down at me. “Dad, you’ll know him. His name is Park Jimin.”

✂

“What do you mean she’s not home?”

Jimin is currently pacing in the living room, listening to Sunmi’s voice on speaker. The others sit in various spaces around the room, each mirroring a look of concern.

Sunmi had been cleared to head over to Jolie’s, which Jimin had deemed a tender mercy. He felt horrible for her, knowing that she was probably going crazy. So, Sunmi had gone over to surprise her.

Except there was one little problem.

“I’m telling you, she’s not here,” Sunmi responds, struggling to maintain her composure. “I got here about ten minutes ago and knocked, but all the lights were off and it looked like nobody was home. Nobody’s answering. She’s not here, and she won’t answer her phone.”

Jimin looks around the room in horror. Automatically his mind conjures up the worst-possible scenarios. “Where would she go? There’s no sign of a break-in, right?”

Chung-hei frowns on the other side of the room, pulling her phone out. “I’ll check her location right now,” she reassures.

“No, everything looks normal. Should I ask around? See if anyone’s seen her?”

“No, not yet. That will only raise suspicion.” Jimin says, watching with bated breath and Chung-hei tries to locate his soulmate.

When Chung-hei’s expression changes from confused worry to stunned understanding, Jimin isn’t sure how to react.

“What is it?” He asks, impatient.

“I didn’t realize,” Chung-hei mumbles. “What’s the date today?” She answers the question herself, confirming it. “She’s back home.”

“What do you mean? Sunmi just said-”

“No, not that home.” Chung-hei flips the phone around to show him. “It’s been a year. And she promised him she’d visit every year.”

It takes a moment for Jimin to process the information, already thinking about how quickly he can convince someone to tail him while he drives out to Jolie. She can get in the other car to return, obviously so she doesn’t have to see him-

“One year.” Jimin blinks, suddenly remembering what Jolie mentioned in her letter. “It’s the anniversary of her father’s passing.”

Chung-hei’s solemn nod is answer enough.

Jimin stumbles back to sit in the nearest chair, rubbing his hands over his face. “I need to go out there-”

“No, you know you can’t do that,” Namjoon immediately rejects.

“I wasn’t asking for your permission.”

Namjoon grinds his jaw, glancing at Chung-hei as the two share a silent conversation. When Namjoon’s shoulders relax, Jimin finds himself hoping. There’s no way he can leave Jolie to go through this alone.

“Bang Sihyuk will kill us if he finds out,” Namjoon begins.

“I don’t care-”

“I do.” Namjoon sighs. “So don’t get caught.”

Jimin blinks. “What?”

Namjoon shrugs, looking around the room. “Don’t get caught. Make it look like you snuck out.”

Leaping to his feet, Jimin hardly has time to grab his jacket before he’s flying out the door. “Send me the location!” He shouts out before the door closes.

He doesn’t know what possesses him as he sprints down the street, but he’s reminded of the last time he went running toward his soulmate.

This time, he knows that he’s been through the heartbreak. Surely he’s been through the worst of it. Now, all that’s on his mind is the fact that his soulmate is alone and she shouldn’t be.

He’s tired of being alone.

It’s been years since Jimin last took the train, but Chung-hei explains in her text containing Jolie’s location that it might be his best bet.

Without a second thought, Jimin boards the train and heads toward his soulmate.

✂

My eyelids are drooping, but the walk back to the train station seems daunting. “I need to get going,” I mumble.

My voice is a little hoarse from all the talking I’ve done over the past hour. Even in death, my parents can’t escape my rambling.

Not that I think they mind.

I rise to my feet, taking one last look at the flowers that my soulmate gifted me before leaving them there on the tombstone.

“Goodnight, Mom and Dad.”

Despite my exhaustion, I remember to walk briskly back toward the gas station. I keep my head down with my hands in my pocket.

My heart feels a little heavy tonight. I shoot a melancholy smile toward the stars, who act as my solitary companion tonight. I can’t shake the feeling that I would really rather not be alone tonight.

Nobody deserves to mourn alone.

My fingers itch to call Jimin or Christina or anybody, but I put it off. I had my phone on silent, and the last thing I needed was bringing attention to myself by talking loud enough for everyone to hear. If Jimin found out that I was out here…

He’d probably stop sending me chocolates. At the very least.

Yes, it would be best to wait until I’m home and in the warmth of my bed before calling him.

Like a dream, my feet carry me toward the train station. It’s downhill for the most part, making it easier than I thought it would be. A tender mercy, I suppose, for a day like today.

Thankfully, it’s late enough now that the station is empty for the most part. Only a few stragglers wander about, all of which are too tired to pay me any mind. However, as I near the ticket booth, I feel it.

Almost like something pulling on my thread. It’s a similar feeling to what I felt as the thread had been cut, but there’s no reason for it to be acting up again.

“That’ll be 26,000 won,” the person on the other side of the booth drawls, looking for all the world like they’d rather walk across hot coals then have to spend another moment here.

“Oh, right.” I pull the money from my wallet, sliding it under the little window. “Sorry about that, I got distracted-”

“Here ya go,” they interrupt, clearly not very interested in what was distracting me. All the better, I suppose.

Thanking them, I pocket the ticket and make my way to a bench before the platform. The train should be here in about fifteen minutes.

But there’s that annoying tug again, nearly pulling my hand off my lap. I frown down at the thread, too tired to put that much thought into it. I’ll have to ask Christina if she’s ever known a thread to act up.

There’s a cold draft in the station, one that only gets worse as an incoming train pulls up and comes to a stop. I keep my head down as the doors open and people begin to file out.

At least, I try to until I’m practically thrown off my seat as my thread pushes and pulls at me. It’s starting to cause a scene, so I hurry off to the side and half-hide behind a pillar. Hopefully nobody will question why I gave up my perfectly nice seat.

Burying my hand in my pocket, I look around to make sure nobody is coming my way when my eyes catch on something- or rather, a lack of something.

Someone walks off the train, however the typical red thread doesn’t accompany them.

That’s not the only thing that alarms me. It’s the fact that I know them.

Park Jimin glides off of the train and looks around, trying to deduce which exit to take. He pulls his phone out to look at something when he drops it due to a sudden jolt.

I watch, utterly paralyzed as he stumbles forward. Almost as though pulled by some invisible thread.

His eyes are wide and he’s practically buried under the large, puffy jacket he wears. It’s brown, to match his brown hair, which is ridiculously ruffled. He’s chewing on the inside of his lips as he lifts his head to look around yet again.

From across the station, our eyes meet. Slowly, so slowly it burns, I see the recognition register in his eyes as he trails from my face down to my left hand and back up to my eyes again.

Jimin freezes, and I realize that it isn’t because he’s afraid or nervous.

This is my choice to make. Even now, after all that’s happened, he still allows me to choose.

So, with a tentative step forward quickly followed by another, I choose him.

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boop-le-snoot · 4 years

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PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 14

FIRST TIME READER, click here

TWs / Summary: Petrolhead dorks! Just Rich People Things. Car sex with daddy Tony! Poor cop LMAO. Snark snark snark. Unsafe driving - don't drive like that unless you know what you're doing! As for the inspiration for this chapter, thanks to @persephonehemingway and her deliciously filthy fic on AO3. Y'know, the one with Beck and Tony and stuff... 😏

@miscmarvelwritings is a lovely beta. Baby gay 🥺✨

Soft, steady rumbling of the engine; it reminded me of a lion's purr. I could feel it under me, reverberating through the driver's seat, whirring beneath my hand as I put the car in drive. It was such a shame Royce had an automatic transmission. Unlike most people, I actually enjoyed driving stick, the option of controlling the speed one gear by one gear was exhilarating.

My face felt hot. I pulled out of the parking lot evenly, driving through the city streets at a moderate pace, not the speed limit-because in a car like this it would be a crime-but not dashing around madly either. The beast under me was to be savoured and savour I did.

"You're enjoying this," Tony quipped cheekily, having made himself comfortable with his feet on the dash. His sneakers laid in a haphazard heap halfway under his seat. A picture of lavish comfort. "Take a left, go on the highway. We can afford to go a little crazy."

Not the one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I followed his instructions, accelerating in excitement. A little past ten o'clock, the cars on that particular stretch of road were few and in-between. The streetlights blinked their greetings, the speedometer surely and steadily climbing over the 80MPH mark.

I laughed. I couldn't keep it in even if I tried; with a car of this size, this weight, such a relatively low speed felt twice as exciting.

"Go faster," Tony ordered, sitting up straighter. "Faster."

"Yes, daddy," I snarked, flooring it. The g-force took hold of us briefly, flattening our backs with the seat. I laughed again, adrenaline pumping throughout my body, giving me that extra attention boost. I easily maneuvered around a couple of minivans around the 110 MPH mark. The engine sang and roared. "Wanna see something cool?"

Tony's pupils were blown wide, the amber irises nearly invisible in the sea of black. He was turned on, incredibly so. "Yes, baby girl," He groaned.

I was familiar with the road just enough to pull off a stunt with the barest bit of luck. Karma was on my side that evening, I wasn't going to waste any more time. My blood sang, demanding a release of the pent-up tension. Another two miles and I spied the dimly lit exit on my right side; not a soul in sight but Tony's wide-eyed wonder, I went in for the kill.

Tires squealed, obscuring my happy little noise and Tony's shocked exhale as I steered into the narrow opening, missing the railings by a mere few inches. The Royce went into full drift, it's wheels automatically locking, and I had no doubt the tires would need a change after this - but we pulled through, the car evening out just as a straight stretch of road appeared again.

The multiple lights flashing were disregarded by me along with quiet angry beeping, I was overtaken by my own bravado. Not once I hesitated but my hands still shook, tiny little tremors. Tony saw it, too, I noticed - gaze hungry, he eyed my left wrist nonchalantly hanging over the steering wheel. We were still going steadily at 100 MPH.

"Tony?" I asked, proud and happy.

"Princess," He answered, breathless. "Pull over, over there," pointing somewhere to my right.

Confused by his sudden change of attitude, I nonetheless, complied, parking on a small patch of concrete. It looked like an abandoned gas station or some creepy shit.

"Come here," As soon as I shut down the car, I felt myself roughly pulled into his lap.

Tony's hands were everywhere, on my hips, on my tits, under my dress. His own arousal in constraints, he positioned me right on top of it, grinding slowly and desperately into my center. I was right there with him, hungry for the way his mouth immediately attached itself to mine, tongue plunging straight into my throat without finesse.

Agile fingers toyed with my breasts and I raked my nails down his throat in retaliation; neither of us knew who moaned first into the kiss. We swallowed the breathy sound, shared it between us. The smell of adrenaline and arousal seeped into the space between us, thick, foggy.

Fumbling around his pants was, probably, not very sexy, but neither of us cared about the article of clothing after pushing it down his hips. There wasn't much space to work with. We managed just fine, the brief moment of discomfort paying off with the delicious stretch of his cock inside me.

"Oh, fu-u-uck, so-o go-o-od," I was ready to pray to any God, as long as I could keep riding the tidal waves of pleasure.

"Yes, fuck me, Princess," Tony parroted the sentiment. His narrow hips stuttered, blunt rip of his cock brushing inside of me, hitting a sensitive spot. Sparks burst from within, urging me to move.

Bracing my knees on the outside of his thighs, I gripped Tony - his shoulders, his hair - for leverage. He loved the tug of war I played with his locks as evidenced by the immediate groan and the tightening of his hands on my ass. He squeezed the flesh without mercy, pulling, sheathing himself as deep as he could within me.

The grinding, the drag of my clit against the soft happy trail on his tummy did it for me. Uncharacteristically quickly, I was coming, arching my back and pushing my tits right into his face where the wet heat of his mouth sloppily, greedily made a trail of hickeys and left the tender flesh stinging in between whispering dirty praises.

Tony's girth felt that much thicker as my inner muscles spasmed. I began bouncing rapidly, chasing that fleeting feeling that turned me into an incoherent, babbling mess and made my spine feel liquid. The man under me matched the vigour, meeting me halfway, fucking up into me as much as the position allowed him to.

"Fuck, Tony, so big," The angle changed as I bent down to devour his mouth once again. The silky tresses between my fingers became a tangled mess.

One of his arms slid under my dress, holding it up and wrapping around me, pressing me close. Tony was getting under my skin. I felt the slick of him through his shirt. The faint glow and scratch of the arc reactor solidified the experience for me - it was so Tony, the most obvious part of him, perhaps, when he wasn't smiling.

His mouth was occupied with ravenously consuming every noise that left me. I was loud, always have been, and there wasn't a situation where it's been as blatantly on display as then - in a dark car, in the middle of nowhere. We shared those noises like a gourmet meal.

"Baby, baby girl," The tell-tale tightening of his abs was an obvious signal to his incoming orgasm. "Fu-u-uck". He seemed beyond words.

"Tony, please, I'm so close," I begged him to hold on, just a moment more, my own release a glimpse on the horizon. He moaned, deep and low in his chest and I felt it - right there, burying my face in the crook of his neck.

Suddenly, a sharp sting blossomed on my backside. My pace stuttered at the sudden pain; and the following thrill had me increase my pace, pussy squeezing around his cock, clutching at it in hopes of finding release. The need ached.

"Baby girl, come for me," Tony ordered, winded and stuttering, causing me to grip his shoulders, nails digging into taut, tan skin. I was nearly there, the fall approaching inevitably. How did the man manage to sound so cheeky whilst being ridden to near-death, I didn't know, but his next words had me muffling a scream into the pristine, expensive fabric of his blazer. "Come for Daddy."

I wasn't sure of the sound that I made while my body involuntarily obeyed his orders. I shuddered momentarily, following with another curl of my toes as I felt the hot seed of his release spill right into me, curses being muttered in my ear and his arms, his hands, him bodily holding himself as close to me as humanly possible. We stayed like that - maybe it was an hour, or maybe it was just five minutes. It felt heavenly.

"My jeans are FUBAR," Tony suddenly snorted.

"I think one of the straps on my dress is somewhere in the backseat," I parroted him. "Good times."

"Indeed," He stretched under me, gently, as to not dislodge me too much.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the driver's side window. A faint outline of a flashlight shining behind the glass - I was very much grateful for the fact that all the glass on Tony's car was tinted.

Of course, both of us were unprepared: startled, we jumped, spreading the mess from between my thighs all over the place. Groaning, I climbed over the console and rolled down the window a couple of inches, noting how Tony had one of his gauntlets shining - and a police officer's equally shiny badge greeted me. Grumbling, I rolled the window the whole way down.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask your license and regi-whoa, um, I'm- good evening, Mr. Stark," The cop was young and very obviously hadn't slept very well. The words he mumbled on autopilot and stopped only when Tony's face popped up somewhere around my lap.

"Hello, officer," Tony smiled, bright and shiny public smile. "Don't mind us, just enjoying a quiet evening." The engineer's smile was cheeky. His pants weren't even done fully up and I, no doubt, spouted some serious case of sex hair, not mentioning the torn dress. I had to discreetly check if I didn't accidentally flash the poor cop.

"Uh, umm, sorry Mr. Stark," The cop - officer Charles, I checked - nervously stammered, obviously privy to the situation at hand. "Is everything alright here?"

"Absolutely. We were just about to leave."

"Well then. Uh. Can I ask - a picture?"

Really, dude? REALLY??? I was about this much away from just starting the car and driving the fuck off. But Tony was calm.

"Sure," He looked at me mischievously. "Let's swap, I'll drive us home."

His penchant for trouble knew no limits. I rolled my eyes, but it was just for show, really. The littlest worm of malicious compliance had already started squirming in me. My coat lay forgotten in the back seat - I proudly displayed the torn dress strap and the array of lovemarks leading up to my throat as I stepped out of the car. The crisp autumn air barely affected my sex-heated body outside of the warm car, doing only as much as to stiffen my nipples.

The way officer Charles did a double-take, I'm sure he understood my and Tony's previous activities and re-evaluated his own life choices. Let the boy learn a lesson. "Bye-bye, officer," I smiled my biggest, girliest smile and made a point at slowly turning around and sashaying to the other side of the car where Tony stood, discreetly checking his belt.

He met me with a smirk, chivalrously holding the door open and making a show at helping me into the car. We shared a muted chuckle.

"Ugh, I gotta go home, all my school shit is there," I rolled my eyes to the skies. Tony drove. AC/DC sung sultry tunes in the background quietly.

"Pack a bag, I'll wait," The engineer's warm hand found my own. He said what he said without even missing a beat. Such an unexplainable circumstance, all these new feelings I was feeling. It was a lot to process.

And I was cock-drunk. Packing my bag was an absolute ten minute disaster. I was pretty sure my socks didn't match and I had forgotten my make-up, but I triple checked for the most important - homework.

"I'm starving," I announced, hanging off Tony in the elevator. For all purposes, we were a perfectly poised domestic portrait. Disheveled, my coat and Tony's blazer loosely draped over my left arm, my backpack hanging off his right shoulder. He hadn't bothered with putting on his shoes and my neck, face and hair looked like a crime scene.

The elevator doors opened at the same time Tony gathered his wits: "Bye-bye officer? Really?"

A dozen confused eyes stared at us from the common room couch. Surprised for the second time that evening, all we were capable of was owlishly blink in their general direction, words dying before they could have made it to the surface.

I snorted first, towing Tony in the direction of the kitchen. "What was I supposed to do, pray tell? Flash him?"

Behind us, I heard a thud. Then Steve's voice cursing. Then Bucky's.

"You could've. If you wanted to," Tony mused. "You have great tits."

"Aw, thanks. You have a nice dick. It's got a great curve."

"Aren't you the nicest?" Tony kissed my cheek, hiding the upcoming laughter as we both heard more swearing and moaning coming from the living room.

"I need a broom," Bucky appeared in the doorway just as I was pulling out some pizza slices to reheat. The super-soldier made no move for the supply closet, however, instead openly staring at my state of dress. His face bore the tell-tale signs of a person trying to hold in their cackling.

"Did you see a ghost, Elsa?" Tony quirked from the coffee machine.

"Can I flash this one, then?" I suddenly had an Idea. And when I had an Idea, I was unstoppable. "He might not be an officer but technically he's a Sargent, so..."

"Okay," Bucky began to inch backwards, step by step in the direction of the living room, holding his hands up. "Y'all crazy. I'mma head out."

"Good call," Tony saluted Barnes' retreating back. "As for you? You're in so much trouble, Princess," The arm that wasn't occupied by a coffee cup wrapped itself around my waist, grip firm and unyielding. Blindly groping for a moment, it found my boob, squeezing it twice for good measure as Tony slurped his holy bean juice. "Mine."

"Yours," I agreed simply. Meaning it. Then, I leaned backwards to whisper into the shell of his ear with a snicker: "Daddy."

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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 4 years

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Ablaze ~ S.R.

A/n: Haaaaaaaaaa so y'all liked that Spencer Reid fic I did huh? lol I'm glad

Request: "Could you do a Reid x male reader where the team is in Cali following an arsonist and the readers a firefighter (and Reids bf but the team doesn’t know that) and somehow the reader gets into a confrontation with the arsonist and has to use what Reid has “taught him”/talked about to try and deescalate the situation" by @sheepfather

Word Count: 2400+

Masterlist

They met when Y/n's team was putting out the fire and Reid's team was rushing to the scene to see if their arsonists was still around. The BAU had been dragged to California because it seemed that a killer was on the lose. They couldn't figure out the connections of the victims, but they were all dying in horrible fires. It turned out that someone wasn't setting fires to kill people, just that they were setting fires that happened to kill people. There wasn't a killer on the loose. There was an arsonist.

When I say "they" I don't mean Y/n and Reid by the way. The two boys actually went way back. They'd met in Vegas at a party neither of them wanted to be at. Y/n had been going through a rough time and Reid wasn't good in social situations and they'd ended up in the same corner and just enjoyed the mutual silence. After they'd found peace in each other Y/n had rested his head on Reid's shoulder and Reid was surprised to see that it didn't bother him. They'd run into each other again at the local library of all places. There they'd exchanged names first and then numbers soon after. After that, they'd spent more and more time together. They had to work around work and school schedules (only Y/n went to school anymore, but it was still an issue) but eventually it went from hang outs to date and then suddenly they were boyfriends instead of best friends.

The "they" I meant was actually Y/n and the rest of the BAU. None of Spencer's friends knew about Y/n. It wasn't like he was ashamed or hiding anything, it was just that it never came up. Everyone assumed Spencer was single and would always be, and Spencer didn't care enough to correct them. He wasn't into PDA either so the team didn't figure it out themselves. What they could tell was that they knew each other. It was nice to see Spencer be comfortable around someone outside of work, but Spencer hated talking about his personal life so people tried to ask as little as possible.

Working together was fun though. Y/n knew him very well, down to every micro sign of each emotion. Whenever Spencer got anxious or confused or was really focused and needed to be alone, Y/n always reacted appropriately. It came with knowing him for many years. It was also very helpful when Spencer was profiling and giving information to the other firefighters to keep a look out in case they arrived when the arsonist did. The firefighters, of course, were who made up Y/n's team, as Y/n was a firefighter as well. They had lots of questions though, and even more doubt. Y/n showed very early on that he knew Spencer's capabilities, so when they got too dubious or went to interrupt him, Y/n was quick to cut them off. It made JJ, Emily, and Morgan smile.

One day Morgan prodded. He walked up to Y/n, leaning against the wall next to the boy. "How far back do you and Reid go?"

Y/n was drinking water so he finished his gulp before answering. "Further back then Reid being in the BAU," Y/n responded. "I was still in high school He wasn't, of course, but-" He shrugged, chuckling. "We both lived in Vegas for a while. The relationship carried even when we moved away."

Morgan nodded. "You like him?"

"I'd like to think so." Y/n tried to hide a smile. He could tell them that he was Spencer's boyfriend, but what was the fun in that? "I'd even say I was in love with him."

That seemed to surprise Morgan. "Oh." He looked at Reid and then Y/n, obviously confused. If Y/n was so sure of his feelings, why did it seem like they were just friends? "Does Reid feel the same?"

Y/n considered that. "I don't know. I don't think Spencer and I have ever been on the same emotional playing field. Usually when I feel one thing he's feeling something else... But even then, no one ever seems to feel the same way about each other." Y/n shook his head. "I'm a psychology major, ignore me. What you want to know is if Spencer loves or likes me or whatever. But I can't speak for him." With that, Y/n left and Morgan only had more questions. Were they together or not?

His question was answered on one very bad night that almost cost Reid everything.

Lina Mare was a local sweetheart. She was kind of quiet and shy, but she liked Y/n. They were friends at least - Lina was in college. Y/n seemed to have a knack of befriending awkward, shy, or quiet people. People that couldn't quite get along with anyone else. So when she came into the fire station that day, it wasn't totally weird. She'd never visited Y/n at work before, but that didn't stop Y/n from greeting her when she came in. Nothing else was going on- why not?

She looked upset though. "Hey, you okay Lee?" He asked, touching her shoulder.

The girl leaned into his touch and his eyebrows came together, wondering if maybe she felt dizzy. Her eyes were clear though and her expression was set and clear. Her features were sharp and her gaze was like someone running a knife along his skin. Dangerous and seconds from doing damage. "I'm not," she told him. "I need you to stop, Y/n."

Y/n looked at one of his teammates behind her head. They made eye contact and the other man stood at the ready in case he needed to act. Y/n had a very bad feeling about what was happening. He didn't know why, he just felt like something bad was about to happen. "Stop what?" He asked her softly.

Lina looked right into his eyes, seeming to see something amazing. Her gaze softened, but didn't become any less dangerous. Just a little more uncontrolled. "The fires. You can't stop them. You have to stop putting them out."

It clicked immediately in Y/n's head. He looked at Lina's hands, still in her pockets. "Why don't we go outside and-?"

"No," Lina snapped, tugging out of his reach. "You have to stop putting them out!"

"Okay," Y/n cooed, putting both of his hands up so she could see that he was unarmed. He recalled everything Spencer had ever taught him. Anything he'd been told about in stories, or things Spencer had complained people often did wrong. "Can I at least let my friends go outside?"

She considered that a second before nodding. "But we stay."

"Okay," Y/n assured. He looked at the other fireman he'd warned before. Daniel. "Take everyone outside, will you please? Make sure everyone is there that needs to be." Daniel nodded before running off. Thankfully people trusted Y/n's judgment. Soon the building was empty. "Why don't you take your hands out of your pockets, Lina?" He knew they'd call the police. If he stalled long enough no one would get hurt. He'd gotten as many people safe as he could. Now he had to keep Lina calm until they could solve this.

A sigh came from the younger girl but she agreed. In one hand she had a lighter. Now that it was free of her pocket, she flicked it on and off every few seconds. "You're so oblivious, you know that?" She moved further into the fire station, toward the back of the truck. Y/n followed, wanting to keep her in sight so she couldn't do anything too stupid. "You don't get anything."

"What did I miss Lina?" Y/n asked, trying to stay casual.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm in love with you." Y/n froze, both because of her word and also because she'd stopped down and hooked her fingers around a canister of gasoline. She vegan to move back into the building and when he didn't follow, she snapped, "Come on." He swallowed before obeying. She was getting agitated and he didn't want to set her off. She began to pour out the can all over the floor.

"Wait Lina-" She turned on her lighter and let it hover over the pouring gas. Y/n stopped dead in his tracks.

"You know Y/n I've tried for months." She let her lighter out, but kept it at the ready. "I tried everything to get you to realize how I felt about you. But you just kept laughing and it was so frustrating. I thought, it wouldn't help to be mad at you all the time. I'd have no time that way. So I did something I haven't done in a long time. I managed to keep myself under control for years. But you made me so angry, I had to let it out some way. So I burned. Little things."

Y/n's jaw hardened. "You killed people."

"I KNOW!" Lina sneered. "It wasn't on purpose! But fire is alive, Y/n. And it has wants and needs. And it grows. Who am I to stop it?" Y/n felt his stomach turn. "Then you made it even worse. You came rushing in every time and put them out. And suddenly I had a new reason to be angry. I'd almost forgotten about you. Until I saw your stupid, pretty face through the window and realized you were one of these stupid people putting my fires out. Of all people, OF COURSE it had to be you, huh?" She scoffed and Y/n's mind raced as he tried to figure out how to stop this. Lina went back and got three more cans, pouring those out too. Y/n could do nothing, as she kept her lighter at the ready. The whole floor was covered in oil now and her lighter was alight. "So I figured, get rid of the problem you know? No more fire fighters. No more you. No more me."

Fuck.

Y/n began moving to her. She tried to move away, but he forced a smile. "What, you're scared of me now? What am I going to do? I'd never hurt you Lina, you know that." She relaxed again. "I was just thinking, you know, I feel the same way." He tried not to cringe at the words. He was like seven years older than her and had a boyfriend but SURE, he liked her too. He knew that he had to get her to calm down. Trust him. He'd heard it a million times from Spencer. You give them what they want until you find your opening.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You do?"

Nodding, Y/n chuckled softly. "Of course I do. I just thought, I'm too old for you. Of course you'd never like me back. If I had known... Well, like you said, I'm completely oblivious."

She giggled, her eyes watering. "I knew it. Everyone said that you were into that- that- that weird guy from the FBI. But I KNEW we were made for each other." They were close now. The lighter was out and Y/n was inches from getting it out of her hand. Then she did something that totally knocked him off of his feet. They heard sirens and she ignored them, because of course why would the police be after her? She ignored them and she kissed Y/n and he was so stunned that he almost forgot about the lighter.

Finally Y/n's fingers closed around the lighter and he yanked it from her grip. She pushed him away and they parted. She shoved the lighter in his back pocket, moving to her quickly and wrapping her arms around her to force her to be still. She thrashed and kicked until they ended up with Y/n on his back, arms and legs all wrapped around her to keep her firmly in place even as she screamed and moved her head. It meant, unfortunately, that Y/n's face was nearly completely in the oil.

When the door finally opened and police came in, Y/n was relieved to let her go. His head was spinning and his vision was blurring as his eyes burned. She was handcuffed and taken away and he ignored what she was saying as she screamed at him.

It was Morgan who pulled Y/n to his feet and out of the oil. Who questioned him and got him a towel to wipe off as much oil as he could. Who got him outside and to clean air and who kept everyone back as Y/n processed what just happened and got real air into his lungs.Morgan finally got the story piece by piece and then took it to the others. That was when Reid finally got to his boyfriend.

Y/n leaned away from his touch. Then he started crying, his head full of images of him burning to death. Or Lina burning to death, screaming for him as she did so. Or, even worse, both of them burning to death together. Holy shit...

"She kissed me," Y/n choked out, covering his mouth.

"What can I do to help you?" Spencer asked softly, his eyes wide with worry.

Y/n shook his head before looking at him. "How can you forgive me?"

That seemed to confuse Spencer. "Forgive you for what?"

"She kissed me," he reiterated. "I let her."

Spencer tried not to laugh. "Y/n you were in a stressful situation and because of that, you got the lighter away from her. Because of it, you're safe..." He shook his head, moving closer to take Y/n's face in his hands. "Listen to me. I know I don't say it enough, but I love you, Y/n. Kissing her didn't mean anything other than you being safe today and that is all I care about. I don't even know who would ever consider that cheating. Don't be an idiot." He smiled and Y/n did as well. Spencer wiped the tears off his face. "Now can I take my turn and kiss you or do you need more space?"

Y/n laughed before pulling his boyfriend close by the belt loops. Their noses brushed a second before they finally kissed. It lifted the weird imaged out of his head and the weight off his chest. He was okay. Everyone was okay. That's all that mattered.

"So you guys ARE dating then?" The men looked over to see Emily there, JJ next to her.

"Yes," Spencer answered as if it was the most obvious thing ever. Emily looked at Y/n and then at JJ and then JJ and Y/n looked at each other and suddenly they were all laughing. After the stressful showdown from before, it was nice to laugh. It made Y/n feel better, and everyone seemed to sense that. Unfortunately, just because Spencer understood the laughing helped, he couldn't get why they were laughing at all. "I don't get it. What's so funny?"

They just kept laughing.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #male reader #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #matthew gray gubler imagine #matthew gray gubler x reader

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606writings · 4 years

Note

Ok I’m not sure how far you’ve gotten in mystic messenger but,,,, how would the RFA (and V and Saeran if you wouldn’t mind) respond to mc randomly asking them: if you got stabbed, (and lived to tell the tale) would you keep the knife? 0_0

HC: If you got stabbed, would you keep the knife? [RFA + V & Saeran]

A/N: I felt a bit inspired while writing this so maybe it wasn’t what you expected, but I really hope you like it! If someone wants this hc for obey me, mlqc or mha, let me know and I’ll gladly do so!

Warnings: Minor spoilers for Seven and Jihyun’s.

Yoosung

“W-What kind of question is that, Y/N?!”

“I’m just curious. Because I think maybe I would keep it…”

“Well, it would be pretty scary, don’t you think?” He asks rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I would be so scared; I wouldn’t want to remember something like that…”

“But it would be so exciting!” You replied laughing.

He stood serious for a moment looking away from you.

When you were about to ask what was wrong, he said:

“If I got stabbed to defend you, maybe I would keep it… Because it’d remind me that I’m strong enough to protect you, and that that I shouldn’t be scared when it comes to do anything for you…”

He gazed at you ashamed, his blush covered completely his face and his golden hair stood out in contrast.

You pouted moved by his words and jumped over to embrace him tightly.

Even though your boyfriend seemed to be a shy a coward person, he actually was very brave and fearless when it came to protect others.

“Ohhh, Yoosung, baby!” You filled his face with small kisses while smiling. “I love you!”

“I l-love you too… And, Y/N…?” He asked hiding his face under your chin.

“Yes, baby?”

“I’ll always protect you, you know that, right?”

“Of course, I know it. Thank you, you’re the bravest person I know.”

Zen

“Hey, Zenny, if you ever got stabbed, would you keep the knife?”

You asked him while you two were watching a horror movie, cuddling on the sofa.

Without taking his eyes away from the T.V., he said jokingly:

“Why, honey? Do you want to stab me?”

You pushed him laughing and then with a more serious face asked again.

He now was looking at you, thinking thoroughly about it before answering.

“Mmm, I don’t think so. It would give me chills if I ever had to remember something as scary. It would bring bad luck to our home!”

You nodded lightly and after another question appeared in your mind, you asked:

“And if I was the one getting stabbed, would that be different for you?”

He froze for a brief moment but then relaxed again. He placed his eyes back on the T.V. screen.

“No, it wouldn’t. Bad memories like that will never be forgotten, but, Honey…” He now looked directly at your eyes, and with determination he continued:

“I want you to only remember the good things. I would want protect you from remembering something hurtful, because you’re an angel to me, who deserves only happiness in her life.”

You didn’t move an inch, and instead kept looking at his eyes. Your heart full with love was pounding like crazy.

He raised his left hand and slowly caressed your cheek. With hints of a smile he spoke again, slowly.

“Please keep only the good memories, honey.” He smiled and leaned to kiss you lightly.

Jaehee

“I think it wouldn’t be possible, Y/N. If I got stabbed, the knife would now be evidence for the police.”

“Well, let’s pretend they didn’t need it, would you keep it or throw it away?”

“I’m not sure. There wouldn’t be a need for me to keep it, but it’d be a waste to throw it away.” She had a serious look on her face while thinking about your question.

“Wouldn’t you be scared about it?” You asked surprised of her coldness about the matter.

“Why would I be scared about it? Is the person behind the knife that’d hurt me. The knife itself is harmless.” She tilts her head to the side, slightly confused about your question.

“Mmm, you’re right, but wouldn’t it bring you scary memories?”

“Maybe, if it were an extremely traumatic experience. But if we’re talking about a simple theft that went wrong, maybe that memory would hold something for me to learn about.” Jaehee continued what she was previously doing, without paying much attention to her words.

“What do you mean?” You asked for a further explanation from her.

“Experiences like that always teach us something, or they make us stronger. I don’t mind going through something scary if it means I’ll become more mature and stronger after that.”

“Why?”

Jaehee paused her tasks and stared back at you.

“Because that means I’ll be a better person, someone worthy to protect you, Y/N.”

Unlike the other guys, Jaehee didn’t stop to have a cheesy moment with you. But her words were honest enough to let you know how much she cared about you, making you smile and mutter a small:

“Thank you, Jaehee.”

Jumin

“I would keep it, obviously. Just to file a complaint with the police. The weapon is an important clue to any case, I would make sure to run fingerprints test before doing so, of course, to have my own investigation.”

“Ok, ok, honey. But I’m asking if you would keep it to yourself.” You interrupted your husband, before he kept blabbering.

“Keep the weapon just because I want?” He raised an eye brow at you, perplexed. “No, it’s dangerous to have something like that in the house, Elizabeth the 3rd could hurt her little paws if she tried to play with it.”

“What if you kept it in a safe place?” You rolled your eyes, from your husband’s response.

“It’d still be dangerous. And not to mention if I ever got stabbed, I would make sure you’d never be alone. What if they tried to get revenge by hurting you?” Jumin shook his head and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“If someone stabbed me, I’d keep the knife.” You muttered without thinking too much.

“What are you talking about, Y/N? If you got stabbed, I’d make sure to destroy the knife without thinking it twice.” Jumin replied, anger emerging in his features from your answer.

“Eh? Why, honey?”

“If someone ever dares to hurt you, I’d want to destroy them and make them vanish completely from earth, so you’d never have to be afraid ever again.” He answered frowning. “Doesn’t matter if it’s people or just an object.”

“Whoa, that sounds scary, Jumin.” With wide open eyes, you stared at him surprised.

“Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but still.”

“The only thing I’d want is for you to be always safe.”

Seven

“Actually, I was stabbed once!”

“EH?! REALLY?!”

“Yeah, I was stabbed in the heart…” He sniffled and cleared fake tears from his face while pouting.

“WHAT?! How is that pos—?!”

“Stabbed in the heart by your beautiful looks, I almost died the first time I saw you, you know, Y/N?” He recovered his dorky tone and bright face holding back the laugh.

“AHHH! I’m gonna kill you, Seven!” You pushed him back, recovering from the mini heart attack you got after hearing his words.

“But I think it’s a bad idea to keep something like that! What if they put a chip on it to track you down?” He shook his head in disapproval.

“I don’t think it’s likely…” You laughed.

“If it’s a simple knife, maybe I’d keep it. I’d be fun to have a collection of all the things that almost killed me in the past!”

“Wait, how many times someone has tried to kill you, exactly…?” You weren’t sure if you’re boyfriend was serious, but knowing his past as a secret agent, it wouldn’t surprise you if it was true.

“A million times! And all of them I survived!” He said proudly, lifting his glasses with his middle finger.

“You’re scaring me, Seven… I don’t want anyone to hurt you ever again…”

You frowned and hugged his right arm tightly, burying your face in his clothes.

“Ohhh, Y/N, you don’t have to worry about it!” He reassured you calmly.

“As I said, I always survive. And now more than ever, I want to stay alive for a loooong time.”

You raised your head slowly to give a peek at him, not sure what he meant.

He turned his head around to look towards the photo framed on the wall.

A photo of the RFA sitting together on the couch, with Saeran and Yoosung at both your sides, and you embraced by your smiley boyfriend.

“I have so many things to fight for, now that I have you and Saeran with me.”

Saeran

“I’d definitely keep it.”

He didn’t hesitate for a single second before answering your random question.

“Well, that’s the answer I expected from you, but why?”

“It’s a free knife, why not?” He shrugged careless.

“A free knife…?” You laughed at his response.

“Yeah, and I’d probably use it to stab them back.”

“What? NO! You should never stab someone, Saeran! It doesn’t matter if they stabbed you first!” You hurriedly scolded him.

“I know, don’t worry, Y/N. I won’t stab anyone.” He rolled his eyes, as you didn’t notice the sarcasm in his voice.

“But yeah, I’d keep it. As a reminder that even if I met some good people like you or the RFA, there’s still bad people out there, like my father…”

You stayed in silence for some time, before replying to him:

“Instead of trying to remember the people who hurt you, why not better remember the people that love you?”

It was an innocent question you did, but it your words hit him hard.

He stood quiet for a minute, and then looked at you and smiled lightly.

Caressing carefully your head with his hand, he said:

“Yeah, you’re right. I should do that instead.”

“W-Why you ask that, Y/N?” He asks, taken aback by your sudden question.

“I saw people talking about it on the internet, and I was curious.”

“Well… If the person that stabbed me was someone important to me, I think I’d keep it.” He said with a low voice.

“Would it be important to you?”

“Yes, maybe they stabbed me because I hurt that person. The knife would remind me of my mistake.”

“Jihyun, your bad habit of blaming yourself is never gone, is it?”

He let out a light laugh, nodding in agreement with you.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” He placed a kiss on your cheek.

“Baby, you’re the sweetest person I know, how could you hurt someone to the point they’d want to stab you?” You sighed.

The two of you locked eyes for a moment, remembering a certain blonde girl who made a lot of damage to your boyfriend.

“Umm, forget that.”

He laughed again, with innocence.

“Even if you hurt someone, I would help you recognize your mistake and make up for it. And I’d never let anyone hurt you.”

“You’ve spent most of your life trying to protect the people around you. Now it’s YOUR turn to be protected.” You assured him.

Jihyun just stayed silent digesting your words.

The old him, would feel bad to have you protect him and not the other way around, but now he wasn’t afraid of letting other people help him when needed.

And he loved you more than anything else, so of course he trusted your words.

“Thank you, Y/N. Let’s protect each other.”

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krabstick32 · 4 years

Text

It’s The Little Things We Remember (collab)

We’ll Do It All Over Again - A Modern/Reincarnation AU with @trueblueoceaneyes

Welcome to the second part, or the “head” of the We’ll Do It All Over Again (Modern!AU) Collab! This Modern!AU collaboration is divided into two parts, @trueblueoceaneyes’ “It Took A While, But We’re Home Now” and mine “It’s The Little Things We Remember”. It’s about you and Giyuu meeting in a new life where the Corps and the Demons still exist, armed with the memories and experiences of a past life. Although both of them are set in modern times, and technically within the same timeframe, they are not direct sequels or immediate continuations, so it can be read alone. (Although, we would appreciate it if you read the other’s part UwU)

NAVIGATION:

PART 1: It Took A While, But We’re Home Now by @trueblueoceaneyes

Novelist Giyuu Tomioka passes off his past life as a fantasy series but shit goes down when the main heroine of his book shows up in front of him.

PART 2: It’s The Little Things We Remember by @krabstick32 (You are here!)

You’re tasked to go on a mission with the Water Pillar. He was a bit of a jerk, but despite meeting him for the first time, you already knew that - among a couple of other things.

header was made by trueblueoceaneyes and image used was by @/sinba_ on twitter

Pairing: Hashira!Giyuu x Hashira!Reader (mentioned Mitsuri x Obanai)

Synopsis: You’re tasked to go on a mission with the Water Pillar. He was a bit of a jerk, but despite meeting him for the first time, you already knew that - among a couple of other things.

Tags/warnings: There is some light angst, swearing, a semi-graphic depiction of a fight scene, and a bit of blood. If you’re not comfortable with that please do read something else uwu

Word count: 14.1k~

A/N: I honestly can’t believe I was able to work with the one and only @trueblueoceaneyes. Like literally, all of this was possible by their wonderful and amazing self, and would not exist without them (i still can’t believe how we literally wrote a grand estimate of 23k words) UwU working with her was so fun, and her writing is beautiful and i am willing to sing her praises day and night, so go check them out!! <33 BECAUSE BOTTOMLINE IS: SHE’S GREAT.

To be completely honest, both of us were freaking out with how long this is, and were crying over how we would cut it, until we said fuck it, let it be 14k words long. We thought that theirs was long, but we thought wrong lmao. Anyway, we hope you like our labor of love, and enjoy it as much as we did writing it. Please Enjoy~

NAVIGATION:

PART 1: It Took A While, But We’re Home Now by @trueblueoceaneyes

PART 2: It’s The Little Things We Remember by @krabstick32 (You are here!)

Thursday 9:37 PM

From: Headquarters

9:37 PM

Head to Ubuyashiki Tower—Oyakata-sama’s office at 10:00 PM. Meeting Assignment.

Taking note of the short message, you shut your phone and tucked it into a shirt pocket before heaving a sigh and standing up from where you were perched at the edge of a building.

Ensuring that both your Nichirin blade and Nichirin gun was tucked well onto your person, you turned around and leaned your body back, letting yourself fall as you grabbed a stray railing to hoist yourself back up.

Despite the late hour, the city was loud as you jumped from building to building. From the height you were on, it was relatively easy to hear the sound of cars and sirens, and the faint thumping of music from the bars that dotted the streets. You made sure to keep yourself hidden in the shadows and on top of the rooftops to avoid detection as you were rushing to get to the Ubuyashiki Tower in the few minutes you were notified to arrive. Thankfully, the building wasn’t far from your previous assignment, so you were able to arrive in record time, landing at the top with little difficulty as you walked towards the lone structure settled in the middle for those like you, and entered the elevator inside to go down a few floors.

Exiting the metal contraption, you were greeted by a welcoming lobby with an adjacent garden open to the crisp night air, filled with wisterias and designed with a respectably sized koi pond. Nodding to the young girl at the receptionist table, you continued walking to a brightly lit hallway cushioned with lush carpets, and wall-mounted lamps.

As you walked, you composed yourself for a moment and brushed off your skirt, using your fingers to lightly comb over your wind tousled hair. When you finally reached the large door at the end of the hallway, you took a deep breath before knocking three times and entering.

Upon your entrance, you quickly noted Oyakata-sama sitting on his desk chair and Giyuu Tomioka, a fellow Pillar, standing tall in front of the master. As per protocol and to show respect to the leader of all demon slayers, you quietly bowed and greeted the master as soon as you were in front of his desk.

“Good Evening Oyakata-sama. I apologize for being late, I got caught in a mission.”

“Raise your head.” You obeyed, and saw him smiling calmly at you, easing your nerves. “It’s alright my child, you aren’t late. In fact, you arrived at just the right time. Giyuu himself just got here.”

“Thank you Oyakata-sama.”

The master gave a small nod and gestured to the chairs the two of you were in front of. “Well, now that (F/N) is here, I have something to discuss with the both of you. Please, take a seat.”

You tossed a quick glance at the man beside you and mirrored his actions as the two of you took a seat. Upon your and his movement, Oyakata-sama clicked a button, and the room instantly dimmed as a projector dropped down behind him.

“As the both of you know, we’ve been getting reports about disappearances focused around Natagumo Prefecture.” The screen showed a sizable map with a specific area highlighted in red. “Specifically the town at the base of the mountain. It seems to be acting as the base of operations of the demon.”

He clicked at a small remote and the screen showed fifteen humans aged around ten to sixteen years old. “It’s been a month and over fifteen missing cases have been reported to the police.” The slide changed and showed seven people wearing demon slayer uniforms. “Seven of our own haven’t returned after that mission.”

Immediately your stomach twisted into painful knots upon hearing the deaths of so many innocent lives - you felt sick unto your very core. No matter how long you’ve been a demon slayer, it never gets any easier hearing a death count.

“Could it be an upper moon?” The Water Pillar asked after a moment of silence.

“I’m afraid it’s possible. I hate sending any of you into the battlefield, but I need the two of you to handle this as quickly as possible, to avoid more lives from being taken.” Oyakata-sama replied somberly. “Take the necessary supplies. You can leave at dawn.”

The two of you stood and bowed in respect to Oyakata-sama.

“We’ll update you on any major news.” Giyuu spoke, and you added “Yes, We’ll take our leave now.”

The two of you left and walked back out into the hallway, and through the reception area. The girl from before was nowhere to be seen, so once the elevator doors opened, the two of you rode in silence down to the swordsmiths' floor. A mission such as this would require the two of you to have your weapons checked and to grab any necessary items.

On the way down, you decided to engage in a conversation with Giyuu. Despite being a Pillar for a few months now, this would be the first time you were paired with the raven-haired man, or spoke to him for that matter. You wanted this mission to go as smoothly as possible.

Taking a deep breath, you started, “So, Tomioka-san, this would be the first time we're on a mission together, yeah?” You broke the silence and gave him a smile, only for the silence to stretch on uncomfortably after your words left your mouth. Thinking that maybe he didn’t hear you, you were going to repeat it until the doors opened and he spared you a quick glance.

“Uh, Tomioka-san?”

“Stay focused. This is an important mission.” He spoke, in a strong yet quiet voice, and exited with a brisk pace until he disappeared behind a corner, leaving you standing alone in the elevator to gape at his response.

You were dumbfounded. “He did not just…” you asked yourself, because how rude was it to ignore your coworker and leave them hanging? Those were the first words you spoke to him - apart from the compulsory introduction of you being the new Thunder Pillar - and yet you were promptly snubbed. Even Obanai replied to you when you spoke to him.

In your stunned silence, the doors started to close until you reached out a hand, and exited as well. Briefly, you heard a small shhk that signaled it closing, but didn’t care as you were absorbed in your thoughts, carefully picking apart the situation.

There was nothing wrong with what you said. You were only trying to engage in a conversation - trying to get along for the benefit of your mission, because nothing was worse than a tense atmosphere between a team. But then he goes and slaps your metaphorical face by insinuating that this was all a big game to you, that you’re not taking any of this seriously? You were a Pillar; as if talking to a handsome man would distract you from doing your job and exacting vengeance for those poor souls killed in cold blood.

Letting out a dignified huff, you continued walking, and resisted the urge to stomp your foot down at the Water Pillar’s unfriendliness.

In the back of your mind however, you were barely surprised. He was always like this—always putting up a front in the presence of others, always acting cold as ice, always pretending like he didn’t care even though he did care, he cared so much, all because he felt that he didn’t deserve to be happy after—

“Don’t come closer.”

You were losing breath as you tried to catch up with the raven haired male after a Pillar meeting. How was he even walking so quickly? Not to mention it didn’t look to be as taxing to him as it was for you. He was practically strolling when you were full on sprinting. He was a Pillar, sure, but so were you!

“Hey! Don’t ignore me,” you gasped as you stumbled over the uneven path, but you quickly regained composure. Giyuu doesn’t even pause for a second. “I just wanted to-”

“No thank you. Please leave me alone,” he gruffly replied. How come he didn’t seem the least bit tired? You heard he trained at a mountain, fine, but how the hell was he this fast in such a thick forest? You still couldn’t go around that quick without tripping over some root or getting hit in the face by a random branch!

Making up your mind, you go as fast as you can and tackle him. It doesn’t look like he ever expected you to do that, because he loses balance and you both go crashing into the forest floor.

Whatever you were on top of shifts and you’re forced to move. You groan as you get up, only for the breath to hitch in your throat as you find yourself staring into blue eyes.

Gods above, he looked absolutely divine.

“Why?” he grumbled as he softly pushed you off of him and sat up. “What were you trying to accomplish by doing that?”

“It’s not my fault you were walking so quickly! Who does that when you’re talking to someone?” you huffed, your cheeks feeling incredibly warm at how close you both were. He probably caught how you had gawked at him.

“Fine. What do you want?” he groaned, frowning at you. He doesn’t miss how red your face had gotten and how you couldn’t seem to look him in the eye. “Why do you keep following me?”

“We’re going to be friends.”

“...What…?” Giyuu stares as you smile brightly at him. You were practically sparkling. “You’re joking, right?”

“Of course not, you idiot. Do I look like I’m joking?” you huffed again, before getting up and dusting your kimono and uniform free of dried leaves. “We’re going to be friends even if it’s the last thing I do.”

Giyuu is completely dumbfounded, until you reach down and pull at his hands to get him up on his feet. He takes a mental note of how your hands looked so fragile and soft compared to his own, but you had pulled him to his feet with strength that did not match your smaller body frame.

“Why… are you doing this?” he whispered. He couldn’t understand.

“Well, I don’t like seeing people alone. Especially when they don’t look like they want to be,” you grin at him as you both find your way back to the village. Giyuu is quiet, both by your words and because you haven’t let go of his hand. “First off, let’s have lunch! My treat, of course.”

When you blink, you feel like you just took a sudden breath of air and the room comes back to view. What just happened? What the hell was your subconscious on about? Where did those thoughts even come from?

You barely knew the man. You didn’t know where he came from or what his circumstances were. You tell yourself to get your facts straight and effectively push back whatever that was, only leaving the memory of the conversation you just had - or the lack of a proper one, to be exact.That small thought quickly dampened the fire of your irritation, because admittedly, you believed that first impressions aren't everything - to always take them with a grain of salt. Despite how plain rude he was, you had no right nor the sufficient amount of experiences to be able to understand his character and pass judgement.

Slowly, you took a deep breath, and exhaled.

Maybe he just had a rough day, or maybe he was just shy and socially inept, a farfetched and random thought may it be. Perhaps that was just how he really was. Regardless of his personality though, you can’t deny the fact that he must be an exceptional demon slayer to be granted the rank of a Pillar, and because of that, you’d try your best to at least be respectful to him, even if he didn’t return the same courtesy.

Shaking your head, you resumed walking, and turned the same corner he did to reach the weapons room.

You wouldn’t say it out loud, but you were willing to admit to yourself that he was amazing.

The way he moved and handled the sword was absolutely unparalleled, you noted as you watched from the side. His actions were like water - the way he dodged was perfectly calculated, his slashes fluid, and precise. It was like no movement was wasted because everything was precise and deliberate. It almost seemed like he read the battle in the blink of an eye before executing an attack.

You couldn’t help but feel awed as you watched his fight. He truly was something else.

“Hey, am I really that pathetic to you? How annoying are you to turn your back on an opponent to ogle your comrade?”

From your periphery, you felt the air vibrate, and without batting an eye, you unsheathed your blade and cut off the approaching appendage with little effort. “I was enjoying the show y’know. It’s not everyday I get to see him fight,” you sighed as you turned, and slashed at air to get rid of the blood on your sword. “But you’ve ruined my fun. Might as well get this over with. So, what’s your name?”

“Are you stupid? You don’t even know me, the great upper moon six?”

“Frankly, no. Not really.” This wasn’t upper moon 6. It was strong yes, but no matter how many humans a demon ate, this was nowhere near the strength of an upper moon. Although with it’s impressive blood demon art of replicating multiple limbs, you wouldn’t be surprised if it was a lower moon.

It seemed to pause, before screeching out a loud “How annoying!” as a dozen arms lunged for you.

You quickly jumped out of harm’s way and up a decently sized branch. “That’s a pretty cool blood demon art you got there. Imagin—!” You leaped off the tree before a large snap cut you off as the demon broke the branch you were previously on. “Hey! I was talking!”

“Annoying! You’re so annoying! Shut up, shut up, shut up!”

“Ugh, is that all you really have to say?”

Crouching on the branch, you pushed your feet, and catapulted yourself into the sky. You shut out the world as you breathed deeply, focusing and positioning your body into one of your breath forms.

“Thunder breathing, First form: Thunderclap and flash.” And in a flurry of movement, you landed deftly on your feet before hearing a loud thump sound from behind you.

“Well.” Dusting off your skirt, you stood and faced the demon. “That should do it.”

“How annoying!”

Immediately, you turned around and was surprised to find the demon floating 15 feet off the ground.

“Not so pathetic now, am I? A Pillar like you can’t even kill me!” It taunted, before raising his hands and the ground beneath you crumbled.

It all felt so real. You felt the ground shake and how the earth seemed brittle - only instinct made you twist out of the way as the forest floor seemed to cave under you. A tiny mistake on your part caused you to land quarter of a meter short from what was supposed to be the edge, but once you felt a completely intact forest floor, you immediately knew that multiplying elastic body parts was not its Blood Demon Art.

You need to talk to Tomioka. This could get ugly fast without knowing which was real and which was an illusion. Your eyes immediately found him fighting, but widened in horror as you watched the demon he was fighting pushed at his shoulders and slammed his head against the ground. You felt your heart freeze as you screamed his name, not even noticing that you used his first.

“Giyuu!”

In your haste to reach Tomioka, Giyuu’s vision suddenly slowed as he watched one of the demon’s limb aim for you.

You were distracted from seeing him hit his head, and in a moment of weakness you didn’t notice the demon preparing for the kill.

It was too familiar; it felt like he’s seen this before, like he lived through this. His vision overlapped with a visage, of you wrapped in a painstakingly familiar haori, your skin pale and painted with red, his hands wet and drenched in your blood…

“Giyuu, stop, please,” you begged, your voice barely above a whisper. It hurt having to be moved around so much. You felt really tired, despite being carried.

Red. Red. So much red.

“No, no. Just shut up, please,” Giyuu could feel his lungs constricting. He was so panicked he had forgotten how to use his breathing technique. He felt like his whole chest was on fire, legs only moving due to adrenaline. “Please. We’re close to Shinobu, just-”

“Giyuu…? You’re still there, right?” your voice was so small, so unlike how he usually heard it laughing or calling for him. “Why…? Can’t I see you…?”

It was like something in him snapped.

No, I'm not letting you die again!

“WATCH OUT!” Giyuu screamed as he moved so fast that only your fellow pillars would be able to see how he grabbed his gun from its holster and aimed at the hand reaching for you.

Upon hearing his warning, you immediately flipped back, using the forest floor as a springboard to push yourself out of the way. When you landed, a solid arm got a hold of your waist and you felt yourself being pulled to a strong body, as the air brushed past the two of you.

Quickly, he pulled the two of you behind the cover of a massive tree, Giyuu only letting go of you when he took a quick glance at where the demon was cradling its hand and screaming its head off. You were breathing heavily, immediately aware of how close you were to death’s door.

“Are you okay? Did you get hit?” He turned to you as he asked, gently holding your shoulders and inspecting your uniform for any blood. Whatever he saw just now felt so real, he had to check for himself if you were alive.

You shook your head, dazed as you saw the worry cloud his eyes. “No.”

He breathed out a heavy sigh, feeling relief flood into his system before scolding you lightly. “You need to be more careful! You almost got yourself killed!”

“Sorry, sorry. But that’s besides the point. How are we going to kill it? It’s blood demon art shows some pretty damn convincing illusions.”

Tomioka thought for a moment. “We need to distract it, keep one of us at the front while the other takes the kill from the back.”

You nod in affirmation. His idea made sense. “I’ll be the distraction.”

“What? No, i’ll do i—“ Giyuu stopped talking once he noticed the sound of a clashing sword and found that you weren’t there in front of him anymore. “Sure,” he sighed before gripping his sword and jumping on the trees’ branches for cover.

He didn’t notice you fighting earlier, but as he jumped from branch to branch all around the opening, he saw that you were incredibly fast. Even with his enhanced senses, you appeared to be a blur as you weaved in and out of the demon’s clutches, laughing all the while taunting it.

“Ahh, this is fun! You should’ve put on a fight like this with me back then!” Squealing, you darted out a hand and slashed at its neck. Unfortunately for the both of you, the demon was nearly as fast as you were, and you only managed to land a scratch on its skin.

“Annoying! The way you’re jumping around is annoying!”

Giyuu wanted you to stop talking so badly, because you weren’t supposed to rile the demon up like this! Distract it sure, but not bait it to want to kill you more!

“Oh, are you getting mad already? You seem a little red there.”

“ANNOYING! STOP! MOVING!”

“Ah, would you prefer me to stand still? I wouldn’t mind! You should have said so earlier.”

And when Giyuu saw your eyes dart to his for one quick second, he immediately knew what you wanted him to do.

In an instant, he launched himself off the branch he was on as you pulled back your sword and jabbed it at the demon’s forehead.

“Water breathing First Form: Water surface slash!” Quickly, he extended his sword and slashed at its neck before it could move a muscle as he twisted his body to avoid hitting you. The leaves crunched under his shoes as he landed on his feet a couple of feet away.

“Annoying, annoying, annoying! Put me back on my body so I could prove to you that I’m not pathetic!” The demon wailed as it started to disintegrate on your sword. “He would’ve let me move from Lower Moon 1 and let me join the Upper Moons if the two of you didn’t meddle! You two will pay for this!” It threatened, as the last of its body turned into ash, and its clothes fluttered down to the ground.

The clearing was quiet save for the wind whistling past and the tree leaves rustling by.

“That was the real one right?” You whispered, slightly anxious that another one would pop up in the silence.

“It is.”

Heaving a sigh, you looked back at Giyuu and saw him walking towards you.

“Are you okay? You hit your head right?” You asked him, surprise coloring your face when he tore a portion of his suit. “What are you doing?”

Gently, he took your arm and inspected a decently sized laceration settled neatly in between your shoulder and elbow. It was deep, but it was a clean cut and it wasn’t too bad, considering that you’ve had much worse such as broken bones and dislocated joints.

“Worry about yourself first, will you?” He turned your arm carefully, making sure that his actions were slow and steady before wrapping the piece of cloth carefully and with practiced ease.

You frown. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“I feel fine. Now focus on yourself. This is pretty deep. It might need stitches.”

Though it was unlikely, you hoped that it was too dark for him to see your face clearly—it felt too warm for your liking. “I… didn’t notice.”

He tied the bandages off neatly, before answering, “You will soon. The adrenaline will probably wear off in a few minutes.”

“I’m not the best at first aid, but this will do for now. Try not to move so much until we get to Shinobu?”

It felt oddly nostalgic, seeing him worry like this a little, almost like a distant dream or a distant memory. “Thanks.”

Giyuu nodded before pulling out his phone from his coat pocket. “I’ll be updating HQ. Kakushi should arrive in a bit. Do you want to wait for them, or head back?”

You weighed the pros and cons before responding, “I wouldn’t mind waiting for them. The fight was fairly easy, but I feel drained. We could get checked too.”

“That’s a good idea,” he said as he typed another message while you sat down slowly beside a nearby tree trunk. Once he shut his phone, he followed your lead and leaned down on a tree a few feet from yours.

After a few minutes of a slightly tense silence, Tomioka decided to break it, and be the one to start the conversation.

“That… was the first time I saw you fight. You’re pretty fast (L/N)-san. It was amazing.”

“Oh?” You tried to mask the surprise in your voice. Hearing him initiate unnecessary conversation was something you weren’t used to, especially after your first conversation (if it could even be considered one) back at the Ubuyashiki tower. Was he offering an olive branch?

Regardless, you couldn’t deny the warm feeling in your chest as you looked up and automatically smiled up at him. “Well, you were doing really good yourself. I’ve never seen someone move that gracefully in a fight like that.”

At your compliment, he looked down at the ground as he tried to hide his nervous habit of fiddling with the hilt of his sword. “I’m not.”

“Oh don’t be modest now Tomioka-san! You looked amazing!”

“I was complimenting you; don’t turn it around on me.”

Laughing lightly, you let out a breathy “Okay, okay.” After deciding to not push your luck and that you’ve bothered him enough, you raised your hands in defeat before bringing them back down to your lap.

The silence that followed was definitely nicer compared to before, until he broke it again with a near inaudible whisper.

“Giyuu.”

“Hm?”

“Just… Giyuu. Giyuu is fine” he added, rubbing a hand on the nape of his neck.

Smiling widely, you turned to him, “If that’s the case, just (F/N) is fine too, Giyuu.”

“(F/N) it is then.” he spoke, feeling a sense of warm familiarity as he tested the way your name felt on his tongue.

Truthfully, he noticed when you called out his first name even in the heat of battle. It wasn’t much of a big deal back then, because the two of you were focused on staying alive and doing your job, but as he processed the fight in his head, he found that he didn’t mind, and that he actually liked how his name sounded in your voice.

As if on cue, the cracking of dried leaves and branches alerted you and Giyuu, instinct driving the two of you to grab onto the hilt of your nichirin blades. The tight grip on your swords only eased up when the familiar uniform of the kakushi moved into the clearing. There were around ten of them, seven surveying the area and taking down any evidence of the demon’s existence while there were three holding medical kits who walked over to the both of you.

They stopped once they reached a reasonable distance before bowing slightly. “Tomioka-sama, (L/N)-sama, please excuse us. We’ll be checking on your injuries.”

You muttered a grateful thanks as the kakushi attending to you started cleaning the wound Giyuu wrapped earlier. It was wrapped pretty well, so they only applied an ointment before replacing the cloth with gauze. “I apologize (F/N)-sama, I can’t suture your wound here because I’m not trained. We’ll immediately take you in the medical wing of the tower once you and Tomioka-sama head back.”

“Thanks,” you smiled as the kakushi bowed in front of you. “Hey, no need to bow, I really appreciate your help…?”

“...Tanaka Ayaka.”

“Really, thank you so much Tanaka-san.”

“O-Of course (L/N)-sama!” Tanaka said, bowing deeply in gratitude for your kind words.

As you and Tanaka argued on why she should or why shouldn’t bow, Giyuu watched discreetly, feeling the warmth pool in his stomach from the kindness you displayed. He was brought out of his thoughts when he felt the pain on his head multiply as the kakushi tending to him started wrapping gauze on his bleeding wound.

“Please bear with it for a bit longer Tomioka-sama, you have a concussion-”

Immediately, your gaze darted to the side. You weren’t eavesdropping on his conversation - truthfully, you only overheard - but when your eyes landed on a stream of blood coating patch of his hair and a portion of his pale skin you didn’t notice before, you absolutely flipped because how dare he tell you to worry about yourself first, when he was the one with a head injury!

“You idiot! You told me you were fine!”

The kakushi watched on in wide-eyed surprise (and slight fear as well) as the mighty Water Pillar looked everywhere else except at you, the fuming Thunder Pillar, who were scolding him (fairly lightly) for not telling you about his injuries.

Ayaka didn’t even argue with you afterwards.

Arriving at your estate after a mission used to be a nice moment for you, because you could rest and train at the comfort of your own home, but hearing the silent clunk of your keys resonate through the walls… you couldn’t help but feel a little cold and lonely.

It’s been a week since that mission with Giyuu back in Natagumo Mountain happened, and only a couple of hours since you left Ubuyashiki Tower. After your initial report to Oyakata-sama, he suggested that the two of you stay and take a few days off to heal your injuries at the medical floor. The two of you didn’t even resist as you were both led to adjacent rooms, showering immediately before dropping dead at the futon laid in your respective rooms. Now, you were as healthy as you could be, the laceration, bruises and scratches all healed thanks to the week of rest. Before you left, you made sure to inform the master of your recovery and thank Tanaka-san who took care of you and kept you company.

Taking off your blazer and loosening your blouse, you passed by your living room and walked into the kitchen to try and make something to appease the grumbling of your stomach. You did occasionally have your home cleaned on a schedule when you weren’t around, but moments like these were when you were a bit regretful of not hiring any at-home help.

The fridge was a welcome sight as you grabbed the handle to open the door; the contents however - or the lack thereof - weren’t as appealing because it was empty save for a wrinkled lemon, a few bottles of water, and a quarter-filled jug of milk.

“This is pathetic,” You grumbled as you recalled the moment you ate the last bit of leftovers without restocking your kitchen. Whyy.

“I hate myself,” you moaned to your empty kitchen.

Deciding to put yourself out of your misery, you walked up to your room to store your weapons and to change into a pair of jeans, and a hoodie. Once you were in something comfier, you grabbed your phone, your keys, your wallet, and a small nichirin dagger - for safety, at the off chance of getting ambushed by a demon or a human - and put on some white sneakers before locking your door and leaving your estate.

Taking a deep breath, you felt the cold night air nip at your lungs and the exposed skin of your face. The difference in temperature shook you a little, as you broke out into a jog. Pulling up your hood, you tug the strings tighter and into a cute little ribbon to prevent it from falling.

The walk to the convenience store would normally take fifteen minutes, but with you jumping on roofs and taking shortcuts you knew by heart, you were there in record time, and feeling hungrier than you did before.

The convenience store was a sight for sore eyes as the familiar ding sounded upon your entrance. Smiling at the clerk, you grabbed the largest basket and moved around the store, grabbing everything that looked appealing and piling them on as best as you can.

Once you were satisfied, you proudly walked back to the cashier and presented your precious loot to the boy in front of the register.

“Stocking up huh?” He smiled as he rang up your items.

“Yup. The lone lemon in my fridge was feeling a little lonely.” You joked as you grabbed your wallet.

The two of you chuckled as he bagged your food, pointing to the little screen of the cash register once it was done. “That would be 6,854 yen.” You gave a light nod and handed him a ten thousand yen bill. “Here, you can keep the change.”

His eyes bugged out of his sockets at the large tip “Yo, thanks, dude!”

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed familiar black hair, and a quick glance behind you took you by surprise.

“Tomioka-san! Why are you here?” You asked in surprise.

He eyed your overflowing bag and your silly attire. “Same reason why you are.” He answered. At his surprisingly sarcastic response, you quickly pulled back your hoodie, and looked him over to note that he was in a similar attire to you, though he was wearing a sweater and a cap, instead. “Although i’m just getting dinner, not the entire store.”

The remark caused you to flush red in embarrassment. You didn’t want him—or anyone really!!—to see you pig out. “Oh, um. Well, I’m just… restocking.” He seemed skeptical, but there was a ghost of a smile settling on his face.

“Okay,” He said casually as he moved past you further into the store.

Nodding at the cashier and grabbing your bags with both hands, you walked after giyuu, instinct ruling over rational thought.

“Hey,” you called after him. He turned back to look at you, causing you to stutter in your words a little. Why did you call for him? What could you say to make him stay for a little bit without making yourself look like a total fool? “I—… um, i mean, uh would you like to share my loot? I think i just bought most of their stock, and I… still haven’t thanked you for saving my life back at Natagumo.”

He raised a brow at you. “Loot?”

“The food I got,” you mumbled as you dropped your gaze to the ground and felt your face burn at your choice of words, because who in the world calls their groceries ‘loot’, except you? Ah, how embarrassing!

While you were wallowing in your misery, you missed the way Giyuu turned his face away from you and the way his shoulders shook from containing his laughter. You just looked too cute, all flushed and flustered like that, but he did his best to hold it in because he didn’t think you’d appreciate him laughing in your face.

After a moment, he composed himself, and went back to his cool and normal facade before replying a short, “Okay.”

“Great!” You beamed at him, trying to squash the butterflies in your stomach. “Want to head outside for the tables?”

“Sure. Lead the way.”

Unconsciously, you grabbed his hand after moving your other bag. You didn’t notice his face warm at your casual touch, but the cashier did, and he gave a thumbs up to a flustered Giyuu as the two of you passed by.

“Ah shit. I forgot to get drinks!” You exclaimed as you rummaged through your bags.

Giyuu watched you with a small smile. “With the amount of food you bought, I’m surprised you didn’t raid their drinks too.” He was joking, but he really was surprised. It’s like you bought everything in the store - The two of you already ate two bento boxes each, five bread buns each, three rice balls each, and had a cup noodle… each.

There was even another bag of chips open at the table, and your bags were still full!

“Is that a joke I hear?” You smiled, leaning back in your chair as you popped a chip into your mouth. “Well I didn’t expect to meet you here. I was originally going to eat at home.”

He nodded before standing and stretching a little.“Don’t worry I got it.”

“Wai-“ you were going to hand him spare change, but he was already at the vending machine two houses down the street.

You sighed and used your hands to prop your head upright. How unfair.

As he inserted a few bills in the slot, you couldn’t help but admire his profile. You always noticed him back at work. He was extremely professional, nearly passive as he was assigned missions and at the rare times you catch him training at headquarters. But as the two of you were here together in a convenience store, all of it felt so… so normal. In this short moment, you could just pretend that demons weren’t real, that you still had a family waiting for you back home, that you were just a normal twenty-one year old woman hanging out with a friend from work who you wished was a little more than just a friend.

“Cheater.” You pouted as he walked back within hearing range.

He ignored you, passing you a bottle. “Here.”

“Thanks.” You said, taking the bottle and looking at the cover. “Oh! Yuzu Juice! I didn’t know I told you about my obsession with these.”

“You didn’t.” He answered taking a seat, as you rummaged through your pockets for a bit of change.

“Really? Huh.” You didn’t seem to notice how he scrunched his eyebrows and looked at the drink carefully.

Normally, buying a drink for someone wouldn’t be a big deal, but he didn’t just randomly guess. It was almost second nature for him to pick that drink. He could almost hear a voice in his head that sounded so much like you.

You couldn’t come with Giyuu to Natagumo Mountain because you were hurt pretty badly from the last mission you went to. He had come to visit you at the Butterly Estate.

“Why are you so excited about a fruit?” Giyuu asked incredulously, as your eyes shimmered at the basket of yuzu fruits he brought. “It’s just a fruit right?”

You gasped as you hugged the basket away from him. You looked so offended that Giyuu was taken aback for a second, halfway considering an apology.

“Just a fruit? JUST a fruit?” you gasped again, more dramatically than the last, but you don’t think Giyuu understands you’re pulling his leg because he looks even more worried. “Am I actually hearing this from my own lover?”

“Why? What’s so great about it?” he asked, but you don’t miss the hidden panic underneath his voice. “Am I missing something?”

“It’s a yuzu fruit, Giyuu,” you lean in and whisper, like the greatest of secrets were being shared between the two of you. “And do you know what that means?”

Giyuu shakes his head slowly, entranced. He leans in as you motion for him to come closer.

“It means,” you whisper, before pecking his cheek and grinning as he blushes. “We can make my favorite drink.”

You laugh as Giyuu groans, burying his face in his hands as he fell for another one of your stupid jokes.

“Don’t forget, Giyuu,” You toss him a yuzu fruit from the basket before leading him to the kitchen of the Butterfly Estate. Hopefully Aoi and the other girls wouldn’t mind if you borrowed it for a bit. “I can never turn down some good yuzu juice.”

Giyuu blinks, and suddenly he can’t remember what he was thinking about just a second before. He felt like he was forgetting something very, very important.

“I… just took a wild guess.” he muttered. There was no use pondering about it now, no matter how hard he tried to grasp at the straws of his memory.

“Well, you made a pretty good guess.” Placing a hand over the cap, you opened the bottle and took a hearty sip “Ah, I love this so much! Here’s my share.” You said, offering a hand with the money.

“Oh please, as if I can’t afford to get you juice. Think of it as thanks for sharing your food with me.”

“Okay then,” because If he wanted to treat you, who were you to argue?

“Meeting adjourned. Stay alert, the issues we’ve talked about will be sent later as a mission to some of you.” The room was once again bathed in light as Oyakata-sama pressed a button which shut down the projector and automatically drew the meeting room curtains back open. You and your fellow pillars stood as Amane-sama grabbed the handles of the master’s wheelchair. “I’ll be seeing all of you at the next meeting. Take care, my children.”

All of you bowed deeply as Amane-sama closed the door shut, before the nine of you stood from the chairs situated around the large table, moving to talk to the others.

“(F/N),” you immediately felt your heartbeat faster. You would’ve kicked yourself for reacting in such a way when he called for you, but damn it if it didn’t make you feel nice.

I think my heart is broken, what the hell.

“Ah, Giyuu, are we still on for training later?” you smiled politely at your co-worker, and Giyuu faltered for a second too fast for you to have noticed before he had already recomposed himself.

“Yes, but don’t expect me to pull my punches just because it’s training,” Giyuu felt the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly as he watched your face flush.

“I’ll have you know that I hardly break a sweat from fighting off demons alone, so I should be the one to tell you that,” your cheeks were puffed from indignation. The words pour out of you without thinking and you don’t even realize what you’re saying anymore. “Besides, when have you ever pulled your punches? You said you’d always spar with me using everything you had so I wouldn’t die out in-”

“What…?” Giyuu’s voice knocked you out of your rant. He had a funny look on his face, like you had said something odd. You immediately backtrack to your little spiel in search of something wrong - something embarrassing - you might’ve said. “When did I…?”

When has he ever pulled his punches? I mean, it’s true, I’m sure of that, but…?

You stop. How would you have known that? This was your first training session together. What were you going on about? By the thoughtful yet confused look on Giyuu’s face, you could tell the words had not gone unnoticed.

“N-nevermind that,” you tried to salvage your pride, despite your ever glowing face. “I, uh, I don’t know what I’m saying. Sorry, I just…”

“No, it’s fine,” Giyuu shook his head and waved away your apology. There was a pause before he seemed to make up his mind. “Actually I was—“

“Tomioka-san!” You and Giyuu jump as Shinobu suddenly pops up between the both of you. You’re confused whether to be thankful for her cutting in or not - on one hand, she had saved you from more embarrassment, but on the other, you wanted to know what Giyuu was going to say. “Sorry to cut your conversation short, but we need to borrow (F/N)-chan for a little bit. This won’t take long!”

Without even waiting for Giyuu to respond, Shinobu’s already dragging you away from the black haired male. You turn to look back at him apologetically.

“Sorry, I’ll meet you in the training hall,” you see him wave at you in goodbye before Shinobu makes you turn a corner and you both enter an empty meeting room. Well, it was mostly empty, save for a couple of people.

“So, Shinobu, Mitsuri… Uzui and Kyoujuro? What’s up...?” you ask hesitantly. You don’t like the knowing looks and the mischievous grins they have on their faces.

“You tell us.” You don’t like the glint in Shinobu’s eyes as she stares you down. “I don’t think we’ve ever seen Tomioka initiate a conversation on his own.”

“Or smile for that matter.” Mitsuri added, barely suppressing her grin. Shit, didn’t she live for this kind of thing? You were definitely fucked. You need to get out or you’re dead.

Uzui hummed before getting all up in your face, making you take an involuntary step back, but Kyoujuro blocks you from taking another step. You were surrounded on all sides. “Yeah, it was weird. Did you do anything flamboyant to him?”

“Excuse me?” Did they think you pulled some sort of magic trick over him? A sort of spell? “I did nothing!”

“Nothing, she said!” Mitsuri squealed, before turning back to you with eyes glittering. “Did you see the way he looked at you? He looked like he was on cloud nine!”

He… he did?

Brushing it off, you wave off their words, because the very thought of him being genuinely happy while talking to you made you ridiculously happy. And you didn’t want these idiots to see it. You were not going to give them the pleasure of seeing you turn into a bumbling, blushing mess.

“Oh, please, if anything It’s m-” You cut yourself off once you realized that finishing that sentence would lead to an entirely different ballpark you were not willing to enter. “You know what? Nevermind. Giyuu’s waiting for me so I have to go.”

“Oh, so it’s ‘Giyuu’ now huh?” You catch their words before you make up your mind to book it. You thought you were free because you only had to take one more step to get out of this cursed room, but a strong, yet slender hand darted out to grab your wrist, effectively preventing you from walking out of this room and out of this conversation.

“Nu-uh, not until you answer us,” Misturi grinned, locking you into a hug to make sure you didn’t try to run away again.

“Guys, I swear, we need to train.” you grumbled, feeling the sweat gathering over your forehead.

Uzui tsk-ed, and placed a hand over your shoulder. Great, just what you needed: another restraint. “Look, we’re just curious. Tomioka’s flamboyant, but he’s a pretty quiet guy so we’re worried for him.”

“Aw... well, tough shit, I’m going now.” You say, finally prying yourself free from Mitsuri’s soft albeit annoyingly strong grip.

“(F/N)-chan, you don’t have to deny it.” Placing a hand over your shoulder, Misuri smiled softly at you, and you didn’t like how you could practically see the hearts flying around her back.

“Deny what?” Maybe, if you acted like you had no idea what they were talking about, they would drop it, and you can leave, and you can train with Giyuu.

But such things in life would never happen, and you were doomed the very moment Shinobu snuck up on your conversation. You didn’t like the thought of him waiting for you while your coworkers hounded you.

The four of you turned when you heard a light sniffle come from Gyomei. “Ah, to be young and in love.”

“Wh-? No, it’s not like that at all!” you tried to defend yourself, but by the look on their faces you knew you were fighting a one-sided war. They were convinced there was something going on. To be honest, the more time you spent stuck in the room with them the more you were slowly coming to terms with your own feelings. And that was not good. “Besides, we only went on one job together, so why-”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’ve never heard of love at first sight~” Mitsuri giggled, and by the look on her face you had a guess she was already planning the wedding.

“Love at first sight, my ass,” you groaned, recalling your first assignment together. “He basically told me to shut up the first time I tried talking to him. What’s supposed to be cute about that?”

“The first time,” Shinobu emphasized, and you buried your face in your hands at her knowing smile. “But from what we just saw, not only did you talk again, but he even initiated the conversation himself.”

“Not to mention you’re going to be training together,” Kyoujuro nodded vehemently. “And as far as I can remember from my time as a Pillar, Tomioka has never trained with anyone because he preferred to train on his own.”

“And I guess now I’m never going to find out what training with him is like because you guys insist on keeping me here,” you were honestly proud of yourself that you haven’t punched someone yet - but you were oh so painfully close. If not one of them, then you might just punch yourself just to escape the shame. This felt oddly claustrophobic and it was making you slowly lose your mind. “Also, when have you guys turned into detectives?”

“(F/N)-san, we would’ve let you go already if you’d just admit what was going on between you and Tomioka,” you stared dumbfounded as they all nodded, waiting patiently for your answer.

If you guys think I’m going to crack first, you’re dead wrong.

“It’s nothing, okay?” you sighed, exhaustion over this whole ordeal finally setting in. Would you even be able to train with Giyuu like this? “He invited me to train with him after I almost messed up during our mission. That’s all there is. You guys have just been looking too much into it.”

The room goes quiet, the other Pillars taking turns to look at one another, unsure of where to go from there. You shake your head as you pass by them and make your exit.

“NO! I refuse to believe that!”

Oh my god, no, please.

You look incredulously at Mitsuri as she blocks the door in front of you. You feel your eyes twitch sporadically, your hand that was already holding on to the doorknob tightening and your knuckles going white.

“Mitsuri, come on,” you groan. You weren’t too keen on saying anything (too) bad at the pink haired girl since she was honestly really nice, just ever so slightly airheaded, and getting into bad terms with her husband Obanai didn’t sound too appealing. “What more do you want from me?”

“How about the flamboyant truth, (F/N)?” your head whipped back at lightning speed at Uzui, who merely laughed at the dead-eyed smile you gave him.

“What ‘truth’? I already told you guys, I-”

“(F/N)-san, one last thing,” your head turns to Kyoujuro, who shares a look with Shinobu. You watch as something passes between them, before the Insect Pillar nods back at him with a sweet smile. Kyoujuro grins as he turns back to you. “Just do this one thing for us and I promise we’ll let you out.”

Shit. I don’t like that.

But you stand your ground. “And that would be…?”

“Can you look into my eyes and tell me that there’s nothing going on between you?” he raised an eyebrow, challenging you with his wide eyes that seemed to stare deep into your soul.

You lower your head, mentally preparing yourself. You pray to whatever higher being that could hear you to give you the strength to get through this unscathed.

Please, for the love of my sanity-

You look back to Kyoujuro, head held high. He holds your stare - his eyes were intimidating as hell - but to your relief, he backs off first after a good few seconds. He sighs, as does Shinobu.

“Fine, fine. You win, (F/N)-san,” Shinobu grumbles.

“For now,” Uzui throws you a mischievous grin as you pass by. You scowl at him.

“Whaaaaat? We’re letting her go?” Mitsuri wailed as Kyoujuro practically pried her off of the door.

“A deal’s a deal, Mitsuri-san,” Kyoujuro said.

You’ve barely taken a step out the door when a hand is placed over your shoulder. You don’t bother to turn around, scared you really might punch someone this time.

“(F/N), one last thing,” Sighing, you turn back heavily, because it feels like they’ll never let you leave, but when you see Gyomei smiling kindly at you, you can’t help but return it too. “Remember, there is no shame in admitting your feelings. Face them head on and find strength within it. You can only run from your problems for so long until you loop back to where you started, because you can never stop things that were set in stone by fate.”

Despite how drained you were feeling, you manage a genuine smile. “Understood, guys.”

Letting out a sigh, you were finally able to breathe after your nosy coworkers got all up in your business. You were glad that you were alone in the elevator, because at least now you could take a moment to compose yourself and get rid of the blazing blush before you faced Giyuu.

“Can you look into my eyes and tell me that there’s nothing going on between you?”

Kyojuro’s words echo in your head. You were unbelievably lucky for being able to keep your poker face before he cracked, because if that stare-down lasted a second longer, you would’ve burst, and confessed your feelings to them instead of Giyuu.

Snapping out of your thoughts, the doors opened to a bright wide room that smelled of wood and steel. The training hall was one of the many floors in the building and the Corps spared no expense in getting it look as it did with high ceilings, and large areas divided into varying sizes. Some areas were even designed after different types of terrain.

You spot Giyuu with his back to you, warming up in the center on the biggest mat of the entire hall. He was doing practice swings with a wooden sword.

“Hey, sorry I'm late,” You say, causing him to pause mid-swing as he turns to see you grabbing a wooden sword on the far wall and depositing your own blade beside his. He watched, slightly mesmerized as you gathered your hair into a high ponytail on top of your head. “Want to get started?”

He shook off his daze before he raised a brow at you, setting his sword tip down against the ground and leaning a bit of his weight over it. “You’re not going to warm up?”

Smirking, you say “Oh please, this is my warm-up.” You don’t give him a chance to reply as you move straight for him, sword held high.

In one effortless swoop, Giyuu had his sword in front of him blocking your swing with ease. “That’s cheating, in case you weren’t aware.”

“I know.” You smiled, before retracting and swinging again. “But I prefer to call it strategy.”

“Haaaa,” You breathed out before dropping on the floor. “I’m glad we’re on the same team. Fighting you is crazy exhausting.”

Walking towards you, he offered you a water bottle and once you took it, he sat down beside you. He was so close, you could feel the warmth radiate off him. “Likewise. You’re ridiculously fast.”

“And you’re ridiculously strong.” You smiled, taking a sip from the bottle he gave you.

The two of you were quiet, keeping each other company as the other regained their breath. In the silence, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander back to the conversation back in the meeting room.

“I don’t think we’ve ever seen Tomioka initiate a conversation on his own.”

“Did you see the way he looked at you? He looked like he was on cloud nine!”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’ve never heard of love at first sight~”

“But from what we just saw, not only did you talk again, but he even initiated the conversation himself.”

“As far as I can remember from my time as a Pillar, Tomioka has never trained with anyone because he preferred to train on his own.”

“Remember, there is no shame in admitting your feelings. Face them head on and find strength within it. You can only run from your problems for so long until you loop back to where you started, because you can never stop things that were set in stone by fate.”

All of their words passed by your head like a snapshot. It was slightly disorienting hearing the others comment on your relationship with the Water Pillar. You liked him, but you already planted it in your head that you had no chance. Because who were you kidding? One look at him, and you knew that you were out of his league. He was good-looking (though that was more of a bonus than anything), dedicated, strong, and had a dry sense of humor that could rival your own. A guy like that was bound to have someone waiting for him at home. He was too much of a catch for you to believe otherwise.

“(F/N)?”

“Yeah?” you hum distractedly, still completely submerged into your own head.

“Do you-” He started, and abruptly, your bubble of fantasies popped.

He was looking at you weirdly, an expression you’ve never seen him make, and somehow your mind managed to mix that up with him being able to read your thoughts. You just panicked, your mouth spouting off nonsense before you could process anything, trying in vain to protect yourself from rejection. “No! I don’t like you!”

“Oh.” He looked back at his folded hands before adding a short “I’m sorry.”, before you realized what you just said. Regret immediately washed over you.

“No, I mean, I don’t not like you, I-I’m not making any sense-”

He interrupted you gently before standing up and dusting off his clothes. “No, it’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself. I understand. Sorry if you felt forced to train with me.”

Oh my god, you’ve never wanted to slap yourself harder in your life than you did in this moment.

You fucked up. You fucked up so bad.

You reach for him, trying to explain, “Wait, don’t misunderstand please, I was jus-”

“Really, it’s fine. I know I'm not the easiest person to like. Especially with how I treated you back on our first mission.”

“Giyu-”

“I’ll be leaving now (L/N)-san. I’m sorry again.”

And that was the last straw. Hearing him call out your name in such a cold voice hit you so deeply that you tell the consequences to fuck off as you stand up, and pull him back to you.

“(L/N)-san, I swear, it’s fine-” Neither of you get to hear how he ends his sentence, because you grab his shirt, and pull him closer, until your lips were pressed against his.

You felt your resolve crumble as your lips moved against his own, and as his hands reached over, cradling your face closer to his. It was so soft, so warm, and your heart ached as you felt your eyes start to sting. After a moment, the two of you pull away, bringing your foreheads close, before you spiral into a wild spiel.

“You idiot! If you would just listen!” You whisper lightly, afraid of what his reaction would be. “I like you. I really, really like you. I didn’t mean what I said. I only said that because you caught me off guard and I didn’t think you’d like me back! I’m scared of being rejected by you because you're smart, you're funny, you're nice… ”

“I didn't want to tell you but I got caught up in my thoughts, and I just… I know what I said, and I’m sorry, I'm really sorry. It might sound like an excuse to you, but you really did catch me off guard. If I could take it back I would.”

“I’m really sorry, Gi...Tomioka-san. I hope you could forgive me.” You say, before you untangle your arms wrapped around his neck, and walk yourself to the elevator, not even waiting for the inevitable rejection you’d get from him.

Pushing the doors open, you didn’t notice how the other pillars - namely Mitsuri, Shinobu, Kyojuro, and Uzui - were still situated around the room, because your only goal now was to get the bag you left earlier, leave straight for your home, and sleep.

When they saw your puffy eyes however, all of them looked amongst each other, before pushing Mitsuri closer towards you.

“(F/N)-chan, are you okay?” At Mitsuri’s soft voice, you jumped out of your skin, cradling your bag to your chest as a shield.

“W… What are you guys still doing here?” You ask, before furiously wiping at your eyes.

“You’re avoiding our question. Why are you crying?” Normally, you would’ve brushed them off, and replied in a snarky comment, but you were tired, and you just wanted your bed.

“I... Tomioka and I got into a little fight, is all.” You replied, not even looking up from fixing up your bag.

Mitsuri immediately looked back at the others upon hearing you say ‘Tomioka’, before rubbing your back consolingly. “Do you want to tell us what happened?”

You sniffed. “No, not really. I’m just tired and I want to go home.”

A quick look passed between Mtsuri and Kyojuro before the Flame Hashira walked over to you.

“And home you shall go! C’mon, (F/N), I’ll drive you back.” Kyojuro said, grabbing a hold of your bag while Misturi took your hand, leading the two of you after Kyojuro. “Yeah! I’ll make you some pancakes, and lots of other food!”

Once the three of you left, Shinobu looked up at Uzui, and nodded.

Shinobu and Uzui found Giyuu splayed back at the center training mat.

For a good second the pair thought that the Water Pillar had fainted, or something of the same degree. But upon getting closer, they noticed him looking up, dazed, with a hand over his lips. Making their way over, they sat at either side of him, waiting for him to acknowledge their presence.

“What are you two even doing here.” Giyuu blinked as he realized he wasn’t alone in the room anymore. They were looking down at him with a mix of surprise and amusement. “Did you just come to stare at me?”

“We should be the one asking you that,” two seconds into talking to Giyuu and he was already testing Shinobu’s patience. “(F/N) went back to the meeting room.”

“Yeah. She was crying flamboyantly, by the way.” Uzui nodded briskly, arms crossed and eyes closed in thought.

Giyuu couldn’t deny how his chest had tightened at the memory of you walking out earlier, “I know.”

When he didn’t speak for another few seconds, clearly having no plans to elaborate until prodded, Shinobu sighed. “Care to tell us what happened?”

Do I have to…? Giyuu scowled softly. But he might as well, since he was lost ever since you left, with no clue what to do next.

“... She told me she didn’t like me, so I apologized and moved to leave,” Giyuu’s voice was no louder than a whisper, as if he was scared someone would overhear. But the other Pillars heard him nonetheless. “But then she kissed me and told me she liked me before leaving me here.”

Shinobu would be lying if she didn’t admit she felt victorious. So you were lying. HA! But that’s a conversation for another time. Right now, you left the other half of the party lying down on the training room floor and it seemed they needed to drag him back to his feet if they wanted a straight answer from you.

“And? How do you feel about that?” Shinobu poked the side of Giyuu’s cheek, but it’s like the male was still lost somewhere they couldn’t reach as he failed to give the slightest reaction besides words.

“Confused.” Giyuu muttered mostly to himself. “Really confused.”

“I feel like there’s a flamboyant ‘But’ in there...?” Uzui honestly felt like he was getting his child to admit what he did wrong - except he had no child, he was talking to the Water Pillar, a grown man who should’ve been easy getting answers from.

Giyuu’s eyes softened at the idea of you, and the kiss from earlier, and the look didn’t exactly escape the surrounding Pillars. “I like her too. A lot.”

Shinobu suddenly stood up, surprising both males. “Well, then, you’ve got your answer. So what are you lying around here for?”

“She left, I doubt she wants to speak with me now,” Giyuu muttered, disheartened - which was the exact opposite of what Shinobu wanted to achieve.

She remembered something odd she noticed when you had left earlier, so she looked around the room and felt like she struck gold.

“Oh, she did leave, it’s definitely too late for that,” Shinobu says, brushing aside Giyuu’s sarcastic “gee, thanks”. “But I have a hunch that she’ll be returning soon.You’ll just have to wait.”

Shinobu pointed to the far end of the training room, forcing Giyuu to muster the energy to sit up to see where she was pointing to. There on the wall was your Nichirin blades among the rack of extra training swords.

“I can’t believe how stupid I am today.” You grumbled before exiting the elevator.

You were on your way home with Mitsuri and Kyojuro, when you noticed that the sword strapped to your waist wasn’t your nichirin blade, but the wooden one from the training hall. Kyojuro was nice enough to turn the car around back to the building, and pressed the hazard button on the car as he pulled up in front of Ubuyashiki tower.

“Take your time (F/N)-san, Mitsuri-san and I will wait here.” Lightly, you smile at him before grabbing the wooden sword and going into the building.

And this is where you find yourself. You were back in the training hall, warm orange light filtering through the large windows as the sun began to set. You were glad you noticed your missing sword when you did because not being prepared for a mission could cost someone’s life. Running your fingers through the wall, you open the lights and feel a slight disappointment at how empty the hall was of people - or rather one raven-haired male.

You messed up once already, (F/N). Why add to that by wishing he was here?

Letting out a sigh, you move to the wall, to where your sword was supposed to be, and jump out of your skin when you notice the Water Pillar leaning over and facing away from you towards the window.

Of course. Of-fucking-course. Because why not?

Quietly, and in hopes to avoid him seeing you, you creeped carefully along the wall, clutching your nichirin blade to your chest, as you exchanged it with the wooden sword. You turn around, thankful that he didn’t seem to notice your presence before walking to the ele-

“Why did you leave earlier?” He asks, not moving an inch from his position.

Of course he noticed you.

“I didn’t think any of us had anything else to say.” you fiddle with the blade in your hands, refusing to turn and face him. Your hands haven’t shook this much in years, the last time being when you had first fought a demon.

“Well, I had something to say,” You cringe as he turned to you, his face as beautifully stoic as you had always known.

Okay, wow. You knew he had a bit of a mean streak going on, one that died down when it came to talking to you but you didn’t really think he was mean enough to roast you for having a stupid crush. Sure, you did accidentally say you didn’t like him, but that was a lie - obviously, since you kissed him like the suicidal dumbass that you were.

“Well, I’m here now, so we might as well rip the bandaid,” you say that, but as his eyes bore into your own, you realize that you’re not ready for what he has to say and you cut in as he opens his mouth. “Before you say anything though, I just wanted to say that I completely understand if you want to stay away from me and-”

As you rambled on, you didn’t notice him walk closer. Giyuu had a determined look on his face as he grabbed onto your hands that were nervously playing with your sword, and held them in his own, softly running a thumb over your knuckles. You immediately drag your gaze from the floor and into his eyes, seeing warmth and gentleness in his blue irises.

Giyuu’s eyes never leave yours, even as he asks, “I do have something to say… If you would listen?”

You swallowed, your mouth feeling dry, as you give him a slight nod.

He breathes deeply before he speaks. “I’ll admit. I don’t really care what others think of me, as long as I’m doing my job and they’re doing theirs. I’m used to people saying I’m cold, and unlikable, but for the past few weeks, I found your company comforting, and I thought that we’ve been genuinely getting along with each other. So when you said you didn’t like me when I was going to ask if you wanted to have another match, I was really confused and hurt.”

“I’m sorry-” You interrupt, before he shakes his head and asks you to let him finish.

“So, I was really surprised when you pulled me back and kissed me. Then you go off telling me that you like me, not even 5 minutes after you told me you didn’t, and then you leave, not even letting me process anything, or telling you what I had to say.”

Giyuu stops for a moment, opening his eyes and looking deep into yours. He seemed to debate something for a moment before he decided, and took a short breath.

“If you would have waited, I would have told you that I like you too.” Your knees felt absolutely weak as he placed his forehead over yours. You could feel the rough calluses on his hands as he squeezed yours softly.

“You would have?” You ask. He nods. “Do you really?”

Your heart melts when you see his face change into a soft smile, a smile he only put on for you. “I do. I really like you (F/N).”

It felt so surreal hearing him say that he liked you too. You felt like you could fly.

“I like you too.” A small watery laugh bubbles up from your throat, and a warm giddy feeling swirls around your stomach, easily replacing the heavy feeling of regret.

You could feel the tears fall from your eyes and the blood rush to your face. You pull your hands off from his as you use it to cover the raging blush on your cheeks. “Ugh, stop making me cry. This has to be the most I've ever cried in my life.”

“And it’s the most I’ve ever been confused in mine too… but I hope it’s happy tears now?” He takes both of your hands into his left, using his other to wipe at the tears and cradle your face, like you were a priceless jewel.

“Yeah,” You hum, moving closer and letting his left hand release your hands as his arm wraps around your waist. He pulls you closer and you revel in his warmth. “Can you say it again?”

“I like you.” His smile grows fonder as you lean into his touch, and wrap your arms around his shoulders. Giyuu has never felt so content in his life.

“Again?”

“I really, really like you.” He says softly, and your mouth stretches into a smile that mirrors his.

“Prove it?” You ask, faintly hinting at what you wanted him to do as your faces move closer and closer until you were an inch apart and could feel his breath fan over your face.

“Okay,” He whispers, before he finally leaned in and kissed you again.

BONUS:

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Obanai groaned as he rolled over in the large training room floormat. You might have used wooden sticks, but it still hurt like hell.

“I didn’t know the training room floor was so cozy,” Muichiro mused, staring up at the ceiling as he was splayed on the ground. “I don’t think I’ve ever been knocked down before. (F/N)-san, help me sit up. My spine feels tingly ever since you hit me.”

You laughed sheepishly, crouching beside the Mist Pillar before helping him sit up. Giyuu, on the other hand, was standing over Obanai, looking down at the Serpent Pillar with a bored gaze.

“You told me not to hold back,” Giyuu deadpanned, bi-colored irises glaring at him from below.

Word had travelled fast that you and Giyuu were going out. And of course, since you had always been dragged into the Pillars’ shenanigans, you had decided it was time that Giyuu be a part of the group. So to warm up a bit to the idea of having him around, you had offered the idea to have a training session with everyone, doing pair up battles to save time and promote teamwork. They agreed, since they have never seen Giyuu train with you, much less have trained with him themselves.

But the idea backfired hard.

“Tomioka and (L/N) win,” Gyomei announces, a small smile on his face. He looked amused more than anything. “That’s 3 wins.”

You decided the pairs by letting four people write their names on scraps of paper and letting the other four pick from the pile. Gyomei had decided to sit this one out and be the moderator, so the numbers balanced out. And since Giyuu was the so-called “guest of honor”, the others had allowed him to pick first.

“You guys rigged it. I know you fucking did,” Sanemi grumbled.

Giyuu had miraculously pulled out your name from the pile. Sure, there were only four names, but it was still a one-out-of-four odds.

“You can check if you want, Sanemi,” you sighed in exasperation. “I didn’t do shit to that paper.”

“Bullshit,” he roughly grabs the scrap from Giyuu and inspects it, the other Pillars laughing as he nitpicks your paper.

You stand next to Giyuu, who was leaning on a wall away from the Pillars, and ask in a soft voice so no one else could hear. “Alright. How’d you do it?”

You see him smile for a fraction of a second from the corner of your eye. “You press down on your pen too much when you write, so I just felt around for the paper that had the most indentations.”

“How the fuck…?” Sanemi exclaimed, and you laughed again.

“You’re so amazing!” Mitsuri squealed, bounding up to the training room floor and glomping you. “You guys worked together flawlessly! ”

“That’s putting it too lightly,” Uzui laughed. “They flamboyantly wiped us out.”

“Yes! Truly amazing!” Kyoujuro nodded. “I’m aware of both of your prowess, but this was truly overwhelming.”

“You fuckers cheated!” Sanemi growled, walking over to the training room floor and pointing his wooden sword at the two of you. “How did you-”

“Your attacks are mostly mid level swings, aimed at the stomach,” Giyuu answers passively as he sits down beside you and Muichiro on the floor.

“Wh…?” For the first time, Sanemi is caught off guard, and so are the other Pillars, but you nod at Giyuu’s words. You don’t notice how they stared at the both of you weirdly.

“Yeah, you do,” you laugh softly, before making a slow sweeping motion with your wooden sword, Giyuu parrying it once it’s within his distance. “You swing, and then when your opponent curls up, either from pain or to try and dodge, you go for a thrust.”

When you stop talking, you and Giyuu turn to the other Pillars, who were mostly looking at you with gaped mouths. Shinobu and Kyoujuro had frozen smiles on their faces and Obanai and Sanemi were looking at you like you had force fed them rotten food.

Was it something you said…?

“Hey, (F/N)-chan,” Shinobu suddenly cut in through the silence, smiling as pleasant as ever. “How did you beat me? Tomioka-san uses hard force to deflect but-”

“You usually do thrusts. I guess because of your sword style, right?” you answer, almost impulsively. “It ends up leaving too many openings, especially if someone hits you from the side.”

“You only do slashes when you’re close enough,” Giyuu adds. “But you thrust when you’re too far away because it helps with your speed and momentum.”

You blink again, the room coming into view again, and find the others staring at you, more confused than anything.

“Tomioka-san? (F/N)-chan?” Shinobu asked, the smile gone. Shit, did you say something you shouldn’t have? “What are you talking about…? I only use a revolver because it carries my poisons better. My sword is usually reserved as a last resort, but I haven’t used it in a long time. I was a bit off today since I’m not used to it anymore, but...”

“Not to mention,” Sanemi grumbles to the side, looking at the both of you suspiciously. “I haven’t gone on any fucking mission with you guys. How the hell do you know how I fight? You stalkers, or something?”

You turn to Giyuu, and he turns to you with a confused look that probably mirrored your own. The other Pillars stared, waiting for your answer. But you blanched.

How the fuck do I answer that?

Finally, Giyuu breaks the stare and turns to the other Pillars, “Mission and Training videos.”

You blinked. And so did the others. Every single one of you had the same confused looks on your faces.

Mission and training… videos?

“Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of them?” Giyuu raised an eyebrow at the Pillars, who looked at one another, expecting someone to know. He sighs as he points up at a surveillance camera at the corner of the training room. “They’re a collection of videos in the Corps archives, mostly of the Pillars during joint training sessions or battles with the Twelve Demon Moons. They’re captured using the crow-drones or the cameras scattered inside and around the building. Demon Slayers can ask to view them for educational purposes, like learning a new breathing technique.”

You gape at Giyuu and Pillars in turn, a frown slowly etching over your face. Something told you that wasn’t the whole truth. Maybe the videos were real, but on how you knew about the other’s battle styles, well…

“There’s such a thing…?” Shinobu mutters thoughtfully, looking at you and Giyuu.

Uh-oh, looks like she doesn’t buy it.

“EEK!” Mitsuri suddenly exclaims, and Shinobu and the others jump from the shrill sound. “What if my videos are super embarrassing? I have to check!”

And she’s out the door, followed closely by Obanai who was trying to reassure her that it was okay. You’re rather surprised Obanai got up so quickly when he was just on the floor earlier.

“Shit like that exists? And I’m only finding out about this now?” Sanemi grumbled, his aura carefully getting angrier and angrier. “What if the fucking demons get a hold of those videos?”

Sanemi was out the door in the next second, yelling about giving away the corps’ battle strategies. Kyoujuro and Uzui followed, interested about seeing the videos. Gyomei took Muichiro to the clinic with Shinobu. The Insect Pillar cast you a questioning look before trailing behind the Stone and Mist Pillars.

And then it was just you and Giyuu again.

“Giyuu?” you called out softly in the silence. When you hear him hum, signalling that he was listening, you push on. “I’ve never seen those videos before. I didn’t even know they existed.”

You turn to him when he lets out a soft laugh, “I haven’t either. I read about them in a report a long time ago, but I never felt the need to see them.”

Wordlessly, Giyuu lies back down on the training mat, arms crossed behind his head. He stares up at the ceiling, looking deep in thought. There’s a question at the tip of your tongue, something you’ve always wanted to ask, but could never muster the strength to actually say outloud.

“It’s odd. Shinazugawa was right. I’ve never been assigned to go on a mission with him,” Giyuu started, still staring up at the ceiling, seemingly muttering to himself. “But I knew how he was going to move. It was almost like-”

“Like you’ve fought with him before?” you finished, and you turned to Giyuu to find his eyes already staring deep into your’s.

“That’s the thing, though,” Giyuu scowled, your image blurring at the edges. Was that a kimono you were wearing? “I’ve never trained with any of them before today. But it felt like I knew what to do. Like I’ve seen it before. Not in a video, though.”

“More like muscle memory,” you mumble, lost in Giyuu’s eyes. Has his hair always been that long? “Like my body already knew how to move on its own.”

The silence stretched on, but it was almost like time had stopped for the both of you.

“I’m not ready,” you sighed shakily, your hands wringing around as you paced in the room before the Ubayishiki garden. You could hear the yells and grunts of your fellow Pillars, mixed in with the clash of swords. “Sanemi always looks at me like I’m a demon and I think this is his chance of actually cutting my head off.”

“Relax, (F/N),” Giyuu sighed, taking your hands into his and rubbing them, trying to get the blood circulating again. “On the bright side, at the very least, he still sees you. I think he sees me as an annoying fly.”

You manage a shaky laugh, and Giyuu takes it as a small victory before making you look him in the eye.

“You’ll be fine, but if you need help,” he smiles softly and you don’t miss the mischief in his eyes. “These are just some things I’ve noticed when he tries to attack me…”

You blink, and you're back in the training room. Where were you just now? There wasn’t a room like that in the whole building. It was old, like the traditional Japanese houses you’d see on T.V. and books. But Giyuu was there, and so were you and the other Pillars, apparently. Your eyes find Giyuu’s face again, and he looks just as confused. Did he see that, too…?

“You know, (F/N), there have been moments where I feel like I’ve seen them happen before, especially when I’m with you,” Giyuu starts hesitantly. You wouldn’t think it weird, would you? “I know for a fact they haven’t, Shinazugawa and Kocho was proof of that, but they just feel so real. And I couldn’t explain them.”

You think of his words for a second - they were exactly what you felt - and nod for him to continue. “But now I wonder - I always push them away because I don’t remember them happening, but now that I think about it, just because they haven’t happened from what I remember, doesn’t mean they never happened, at all.”

“Don’t remember...but doesn’t mean they never happened…?” you whisper, the question you’ve wanted to ask threatening to break out. But looking at Giyuu’s eyes, the wall you’ve been building around to keep your thoughts in place are broken down. “...Like in another life...?”

The question hangs in the air for another second before Giyuu’s face breaks into a small smile and he lets out a small laugh. He turns away from you, and you’re left confused all over again.

“You should see the look on your face right now,” he says, and you turn red at the realization he’s laughing at you. “It’s priceless. Sorry, but you’re really cute.”

“You…!” you tackle him, straddling him and lifting him by the collar of his shirt. “Were you just making fun of me?”

Giyuu stares at you fondly, basically confirming your question. Your blush gets darker as you stand up wordlessly and pack up your belongings. You couldn’t believe he was just pulling your leg! And you fucking fell for it!

Your cheeks are puffed up in anger as you walk out of the training room. You hear Giyuu’s footsteps and his voice calling out for you, but you don’t make the effort to let him know you noticed him.

When you step out of the building, Giyuu finally catches up to you, holding on to your hand.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” he said. You frown at him hard and he responds by raising his free hand in surrender. “I really am. Sorry for laughing.”

You pout, before returning his grip. You suppress laughing at the relieved look on his face. “You’re paying for dinner, I’ll have you know.”

The two of you walk in tranquil silence on your way to your favorite restaurant. You don’t notice Giyuu’s loving stare as you walk hand in hand. For a second, you’re both walking back from a mission. Your kimono and uniform were battered pretty bad, and you had a bruise at the corner of your mouth, but you look up at him and smile.

You turn to Giyuu in surprise when he suddenly squeezes your hand. “Giyuu…?”

“If it really was another life,” he whispers, and you had half a mind to tell him off for trying to pull your leg again. But at the misty look in his eyes - the same one you stared at earlier in the training room - you shut your mouth. “I’m glad I found you again.”

You smile softly, squeezing his hand back. “Yeah, me, too.”

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magicalthoughtsendinterriblefics · 4 years

Text

Fangirl, Interrupted - Becca’s Saturday

Summary: Have you ever felt like you’re too far up your fandoms that you’re not really living your real life? Well, that. But more.

Word Count: 1,817

Pairings: Dean x reader, Sherlock x reader

Warnings: You’re not gonna like it. Sudden fandom changes, bit of smut which is not really smutty, lazy writing, suicidal attempt, usage of drugs and alcohol, OOC scenes.

Original A/N: Because of who I am, I like to exaggerate everything. With that being said, let me tell you that this is how I felt for many years, with multiple fandoms. I have lived a tortous life, therefore I was always seeking to live somewhere else. Almost all of my childhood and teenage years were an on-going loop between my fake life inside my fandoms and my real life. I barely remember anything now outside that make-pretend life I created for myself. Now I am living my life, in a way that I can no longer hide inside that fake life. Call it what you want. Anxiety is coming back to me, fyi, and I tried to hide there but I just can’t. This is my way of expressing it. The Girl, Interrupted theme is because I watched it yesterday after performing Lisa’s monologue at my acting class - a way of giving therapy to myself through art. Anyway, I hope you don’t read this fic. I didn’t like it at all, but I feel the need, nonetheless, to share it somewhere. To have evidence that I went through that. Probably, someone out there has too. Idk.

New A/N: I wrote this MONTHS ago, long before I got diagnosed, and I got scared of posting it because it could be too depressing. But I hate leaving drafts all alone so here goes nothing.

Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought you were moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy… Maybe it was loneliness…

“Put her in restraints!” A woman yelled. “Withdraw blood… Give her five milligrams of Valium, IV”

“Turn her head so she doesn’t aspirate,” another woman advised. I felt my head being turned by a pair of terribly warm hands.

I was attacked. I had been attacked.

“You should check my hand. There’s no bones in it anymore…”

“What were you thinking?” The first woman asked.

“I was trying to save the world…” I replied, “Don’t worry, you’ll thank me later.”

Sometimes it’s hard for me to stay in one place.

“Hey,” I opened my eyes at the familiar voice. The image at first was blurry, but I could recognize the colors of their flannel shirts. My back was killing me, and my arms felt numb. “(Y/N) are you okay?”

“Yo, sweetheart! Wake up!” A rough voice called out. I could see his red flannel.

Red flannel. Dean was wearing a red flannel, and Sam had the green one. That could only mean one thing…

I looked down at my own clothes, I was wearing a brown flannel.

I smiled childishly, and my vision finally cleared. Both men were staring at me, worried. “I’m home,” is all I could say.

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes, Sam smiled back at me.

“Yes, you are,” he said, “you’re home with us. Where else would you be?”

“At a hospital or some shit,” I replied.

“We don’t do no hospitals, sweetheart,” Dean reminded me from afar.

“Did we get him? The djinn?” I inquired, with wide eyes.

“Yup,” Sam nodded.

Dean appeared back again, handing me a cold beer. It was closed. Sam took my hand and guided it to my forehead, so I could press the bottle to my forehead. I was probably wounded there too.

“We Jafar-ed the shit out of him,” Dean snorted. Sam inhaled profoundly, as an attempt to not slap his brother. “I Jas-min that we almost didn’t make it…” Dean continued, “but enough Abu me,” he giggled, “how was your daydream, sweetheart? Where’d Iago?”

“Please, stop,” Sam begged. Dean tried to argue but Sam was already looking back at me. “But do tell us where did you go?”

“I…”

“Where did you go?”

“(Y/N)” a strong light blinded me for a second. I suddenly felt something in my eyes, pulling them open. “(Y/N), we’re calling you!” The voice chanted. “Hello, Earth requires Ms (Y/N)...”

“Wha-what?” I stuttered, pulling away from the light.

The scenery had changed. I was no longer at a motel room with awful wallpaper, but instead at a very nice living room, though the wallpaper was still awful.

“Are you okay?” The man that had been calling my name asked. He kneeled in front of me.

“Are you real?” I tilted my head to the side, and he smiled tenderly.

“As real as your nose,” he said and booped my nose. His touch was soft and warm.

“What happened?”

“You fainted,” another voice answered. I looked back, only to see the familiar figure of Sherlock sitting on his desk, typing furiously on his computer. “I told you not to get too close to the evidence, but did you listen? No, why?” He gazed back, “Because ‘oh Sherlock, don’t be so stern, it’s just a flower bouquet!’ but I was right, as usual.”

“Let her breath,” Watson commanded. “We both smelled it too and nothing bad happened.”

“Yes, but so did the police officers… All male, I must remind you” Sherlock snapped. “The flowers were sent to a woman who, where is she now? Oh, yes, DEAD!”

“I don’t get it,” I interfered.

“I suspect the flowers are poisoned with some sort of chemical that only affects women, by reacting to their production of hormones.” Sherlock informed me.

“Right… And what does that have to do with your intoxication?” The female voice asked again.

I suddenly snapped back to the hospital. I was laying in a hospital bed, with lots of tubles connected to me. There was a woman in white, sitting by my side with a notepad on her lap.

“Well, obviously I’ve been affected… It’s the flowers, you see…” I spoke.

“Flowers? What flowers?” The nurse, she was a nurse, asked again.

“The poisoned flowers!”

“Do you see them now?” She inquired.

“Of course not!”

“No?”

The djinn stood behind her. “Say no,” he said with an ominous voice.

“No,” I obeyed.

The nurse looked behind her and the djinn disappeared instantly. “Are you seeing anything out of the ordinary at the moment?”

“No, why would I? I’m not crazy,”

“At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were…” Dean sighed. He was sitting by my side, in bed, and was connecting his phone to the charger. “I am a little crazy too, you know?”

“Oh, yeah?” I trembled.

“Yeah,” he muttered and finally let go off his phone. He turned to look at me for a second before cuddling me. I was the small spoon, he was shirtless. “I’m crazy about you.”

“Smooth,” I replied sheepishly. I could feel the ghost of his arms around me… Ghost, because I couldn’t really feel him. He was hot, yet cold as if air was blowing over my skin.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked.

“I am.”

I wasn’t. I’m not okay.

“Good night, sweetheart,” he whispered and pecked my shoulder. Again, I felt it but not quite.

“Dean?”

“Huh?” I closed my eyes, not wanting to see what would happen after I said what I wnated to say.

“I feel like I’m still inside the djinn’s daydream,” I confessed.

Dean sat up and fixed a lose strand of hair that was falling over my eyes.

“You’re not inside a djinn’s daydream…” He said, calmly.

“How can you tell?” I asked, still not opening my eyes.

“Because djinns don’t exist, that’s why,” he said.

I finally opened my eyes. Black locks and blue eyes were all I could see for a moment.

“Djinns are mythological, and that is all…” Sherlock continued. I could hear his voice turning from Dean’s to his own. “I understand that maybe the toxins from the flowers could affect your perception of life, but there is nothing to fear. The effects will pass and you’ll be good as new.”

“I don’t feel good as new.”

“Clearly,” he grunted.

Noticing my state, he decided to go a little further from his usual behaviour. He pressed his head to my arm… I was still laying on my side, as if I was still being the small spoon.

“I will be here, by your side, as long as you let me.”

My heart fluttered, but not in love but rather in pain.

“I can’t control that.”

“The pills are having a positive effect on her now, we can get her to be conscious for a bit longer than before…” I heard a voice coming from the hall.

“What is that?” I asked. Sherlock tilted his head.

“What?” He furrowed, “I don’t hear anything.”

“Well, I do.”

I got up from bed and opened the door. At the other side of it was a hospital hall rather than Sherlock’s. All white, with blinding white lights. The nurse was talking to what I assumed was a doctor.

I felt like I would faint again.

Sherlock got up as well and dragged me back to the bed, closing the door behind us.

“You know what could help?” He smirked. “I know… Because I know you.”

He got me back in bed, facing up to the ceiling. I was about to talk, when I felt him pulling down my pijama shorts. A sigh left my lips, as I felt his tongue rubbing my clit in circles. I closed my eyes, filled with pleasure, and tried to keep it quiet so neither Mrs Hudson nor Watson could hear us.

“Come here,” I begged after a while.

I opened my eyes and saw Dean crawling up to my face. His tattoo was covered in sweat and his hair was ruffled.

“You thought I would just leave it there, sweetheart?” He flirted and, without a warning, he thrust inside me. “You feel good today… Tight, and so wet for me…”

I moaned, getting lost in his green eyes. I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn’t.

I didn’t even feel his weight over me.

I blinked.

TARDIS.

I blinked again.

Dean was looking at me, dumbfounded as he made love to me.

I shook my head and closed my eyes again, letting my body fall back into the pillows as I succumbed to the pleasure he… they were giving me. I called both of their names in between whispers until I climaxed.

I sighed and opened my eyes.

I was in my room. Darkness surrounded me. I was alone, and my fingers were still between my legs.

I wiped them quickly with the bed sheets and took my phone to googled Dean Winchester’s name, only to find out that he was not being looked at by the US government, but rather a fictional character. Not only that, but I saw pictures of him in the most intimate moments… Moments I could recall from living them with him.

I clicked on one of his pictures.

Jensen Ackles… Married.

I clicked on Sam’s.

Married.

I clicked on Castiel’s.

Married.

They were all married. Click by click I undercovered the lie I was living in.

“But what about Sher?” I thought to myself.

I googled him. Fictional character, based on the books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

There he was, my Sherlock, next to others who had also played him.

“I thought I was in a hospital,” I whispered.

“Maybe it’s just your unconscious mind asking to be treated by a professional.” Castiel’s voice spoke.

“Maybe it’s because that is where you’re going,” Sam gestured to the side of my bed. A bottle of vodka laid there empty, next to empty sets of aspirins.

“Is there an end to this?” I asked.

“I’m afraid not,” Jim Moriarty spoke from the darkness. “But aren’t you having fun?”

“What if I die?” I insisted.

“You won’t,” Sherlock said, “you still got enough energy to call an ambulance for yourself.”

“Please do,” Watson begged softly.

I grabbed my phone and dialed the number.

“I need an ambulance…”

“We’ll see you on the other side, sweetheart.” Dean smiled with a glimpse of sadness.

“I love you, guys.”

No tags for this one.

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abouldersbxtch · 4 years

Text

Innocence

Just two days had gone by since the poor idiot had tried to rob Sirena and since then, she had disposed of all the wallets he had so graciously given to her and pawned off any of the jewelry that she didn’t want for herself. She finally had a day off, so she took advantage of not having to wake up early and slept in a little bit before she eventually got up and started her day. Luckily enough for her, she didn’t necessarily have anything she had to do today, so she was free to take her time so that’s exactly what she did. After making herself some tea, she carried her mug to the small table in her kitchen that was right beside a window and set her mug down. She pulled the curtain on the window back to let more of the sun shine through before she sat down in one of the chairs at the table. Lifting her mug to her lips, she took a few sips while picking her phone up and unlocking it. She answered a few texts, checked a couple of notifications and then opened up an app that posted the local news. Just after a moment of scrolling a soft sigh left her lips as she saw the headline; ‘Mystery Woman Catches Criminal’. How annoying, she thought to herself. It wasn’t the first time she had done something like that. She had sent a handful of criminals and villains to turn themselves in if they were causing trouble for her or in the general area of where she lived, but none of them had ever said anything about her. It was surprising to her that this one had. Most of them had bruised egos and didn’t want it to be known that they had been so easily defeated by a fragile and innocent looking woman such as herself. As she read further into the article, it was clear that the man had only somewhat described what she looked like and said that all she did was sing. Thankfully for her, the alley he had encountered her in was dark, so the beauty mark on the left side of her face just under the corner of her eye wasn’t mentioned at all and he didn’t give them a clear description of her eye color, saying that they were simply dark in color. A small smirk came to her lips and she continued drinking her tea, unphased and confident that she had nothing to worry about. The police were asking this ‘mystery woman’ to come forward so she could be talked to, but Sirena had no intention on doing such a thing. They were either going to reprimand her for using her quirk for ‘vigilante’ type things or they were going to try and convince her to help them. Regardless, she was going to keep living her life the way she wanted. She never had any desire to be any kind of Hero and it was going to stay that way.

Once Sirena had finished her morning tea, she got around to doing some chores around her apartment; doing some dishes, throwing her laundry in the washing machine, and making a grocery list. After all that was done and taken care of, Sirena threw on a pair of form-fitting jeans, a light blue crop top and a brown faux leather jacket. Once dressed, she made her way to the door, grabbed her purse and her phone, slipped on a pair of ankle high brown boots and left her apartment, locking the door behind her. After leaving her apartment complex she headed towards the flower shop she worked at, humming to herself as she went. Even on her days off, Sirena made it an effort to stop by the shop anyway just to check in and see if Mrs. Lin needed any help. If she had it her way, she’d work every day, but Mrs. Lin always said it was important for her to have to days to herself and insisted on her having at least three days off. As she approached the shop and noticed a police cruiser parked not too far away, her brisk walk became a bit slower. From the large window in the front, she could see a couple of officers inside talking to Mrs. Lin so she hesitated slightly, but decided to go in anyway. There was no way they would be able to take her in for anything. She just needed to keep calm. As she walked in, the two officers were still talking to Mrs. Lin, but once the older woman saw Sirena walk in she smiled and pointed towards her. “Oh, well she’s right there. Sirena dear, it’s your day off.” The officers turned to look at her and the look on their faces when they saw her was a mixture of confused and surprised. Regardless of their expressions, Sirena continued making her way towards them with a bright smile on her face. “Of course. You know I always want to make sure you don’t overwork yourself Mrs. Lin.” Sirena spoke in a sweet and calm tone, making sure to keep her composure and not give any kind of sign that she might be nervous. “Good afternoon officers.” She smiled as she addressed them both and one of the officers finally managed to speak up. “Hello Ms. Misarako, was it?” Sirena outstretched her hand to the officer who had spoken to her, offering to shake his hand. “Yes. That’s me.” The officer took her hand and shook it and then she offered her hand to the other officer politely. “Is there something I can help you with?” Before either of the officers had time to say anything, Mrs. Lin was already explaining. “Sirena, these officers here are looking for that mystery woman from the news who sent in some criminal from around here. Apparently you’re close enough to the description the man gave that they think it might be you.” Sirena’s heart nearly skipped a beat, but she managed to keep a calm and cool exterior. She had been in a similar situation before and lying to save herself was something she had been doing for nearly twenty years. She could handle this.

The same officer that had spoken before sighed tiredly and focused his attention on Sirena. “Yes, Ms. Misarako, could we speak to you? Privately? We’ve got some questions we need to ask you.” Sirena nodded her head and motioned with her hand towards the door. “Yes of course. Should we step outside?” Both officers nodded in agreement and walked outside of the shop with Sirena leading the way. Once they were outside Sirena turned to look at them both and the second officer who had been pretty quiet so far was the one to speak first. “Mrs. Lin seems to strongly believe that you have nothing to do with what happened, but she didn’t get the chance to explain why. Do you know why she would vouch for you so strongly?” Sirena giggled lightly and a sheepish smile came to her lips. “I apologize for her. She’s like a mother to me, so she’s always defending me. Aside from that reason, I assume the most likely reason is that I don’t have a quirk. I never developed one unfortunately, but it’s something I don’t let define me or bother me anymore. However, before we continue with your questions, I feel I should say that the man who turned himself in did in fact rob me that night.” Both officers seemed surprised at the confession and the first officer spoke in a confused tone. “Did you report it to a hero or an officer?” Sirena nodded firmly. “I did. I’m sure the report is there at the station. I went to report it the next morning before I came into work. I would have reported it the same night but after having someone hold a knife to my throat, I was too shaken and it was dark, so I went straight home.” Both officers seemed to believe her but the second officer pulled a small notepad from her pocket and looked down at the page that it was already opened to before handing it to Sirena. “Well, one last thing before we go. Could you sing this to us?” The first officer interjected, holding his hand out towards Sirena. “You don’t have to do that.” He turned his attention to his partner. “She just said she’s quirkless.” “I know, but we have to be thorough. Chief said so.” Sirena reached out as the officers spoke and took the notepad gently from the officers hand. It seemed that the man, despite his not so great description of her, had also told officers her little song she had used on him. Lifting her purple eyes from the notepad and to the officers, she smiled. “It’s alright. If it will help with your investigation and clear my name, I don’t mind at all.”

“ 🎵 Hear my song Succumb to me Your mind is mine So do as I say and obey 🎵 “

After finishing the song, she handed the notepad back to the officer and they both stared at her for a moment before looking at each other. “Anything?” “Not at all.” The second officer then turned her attention back to Sirena while putting the notepad back into her pocket. “Well thank you for answering our questions Ms. Misarako. Sorry for wasting your time.” Sirena shook her head with a bright smile on her face. “Not a problem at all officers. I’m happy to help. I hope you find this mystery woman.” She waved to the officers as they made their way back to their cruiser and once they were gone, Sirena headed back into the shop to find Mrs. Lin watering some of the plants. “Thank you for vouching for me mother. I appreciate it.” The older woman stopped what she was doing and turned to face Sirena, smiling at her warmly. “Of course dear. I knew it wasn’t you. You’ve always been such an innocent girl for as long as I’ve known you. Now go on home. I’ve got this place under control. Enjoy your day off for once.” Sirena simply smiled at the older woman, finally deciding to listen to her. “Alright, alright. If you need anything though feel free t-” Mrs. Lin cut her off. “Feel free to call. I know dear. Go on and enjoy your day.” She made a ‘shooing’ motion with her free hand towards Sirena which elicited a small giggle from her. Rather reluctantly, Sirena turned and made her way out of the shop, but instead of heading straight home, she made her way to the nearest grocery store. It only took about half an hour for Sirena to find and buy everything on her list and once she was done, she made her way home with two bags in one hand and one bag in the opposite hand. Once Sirena was home, she kicked off her boots at the door and hurried into the kitchen so she could finally put the bags down. With the groceries put away and her laundry switched over to the dryer, she decided to finally relax for a bit. Laying across her couch with a book in hand, the time seemed to fly by. By the end of her book, it was getting later into the evening hours. She stretched as she rose from her spot, putting her book away before retreating to her bedroom, locking the front door and turning off the lights as she went. As she was about to start getting ready for bed, she heard something in the back alley behind her apartment complex from the window she had left cracked open. Looking through her window that looked down into the alley, her purple eyes strained to see in the dark, only a singular lamppost illuminating the alleyway. She was about to dismiss it and go back to what she was doing, but that was when she saw them. Dabi and Mr. Compress, if she was remembering their names correctly, sticking to the shadows as they walked through the alley. Narrowing her eyes she glared at them as they seemed to escape into one of the buildings behind her apartment complex. The fact that more and more villains had been showing up around the area made sense now that she knew the League of Villains was nearby. With all of the villains around her plus the police now looking at her, whether she convinced them of her innocence or not, Sirena was starting to grow angry. Not only angry, but also a bit worried. She enjoyed the way things were and how she was able to lay low, but if she continued to have to use her quirk, it would draw more and more attention to herself. If more people had their eyes on her, things would change and not for the better. With a heavy and irritated sigh, Sirena closed her window and lowered the blinds as she mumbled in an aggravated tone. “They need to go.”

#mha original character #mha oc #mha fanfic #mha fanfiction #my hero academia oc #my hero academia #bnha oc #bnha fanfic #bnha fanfiction #bnha vigilante #boku no hero oc #mha vigilante #league of villains #lov #Innocence #Siren

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masked-buffoon · 3 years

Text

Chapter 14: Truthful liar (Part 4)

Warnings: mentions of drug addiction

Author notes: quite a long part... I have to admit, I did not pay attention to its length ^^” I hope you enjoy nonetheless!

It was impossible for us to question the victim. As soon as he had set a foot in the nearest hospital, he had collapsed and had been immediately taken care of by the nurses. And he had not yet woken up… The white corridors smelled like medicine,but it was not unpleasant. Perhaps it was because I was used to the infirmary… My fingers clutched around my box of pills. I could not show a single health care professional that I was an addict, unless I wanted to be brought to the psychiatric unit… However, that stressful situation did not help with my withdrawal, and I was starting to grow uncomfortable. I sighed, and covered my hand to hide the fact it was trembling. Soon enough, Dazai reached me. He was coming back from the doctor's office, and his serious face did not reassure me the least.

"His condition is bad, isn't it…?" I frowned.

"Yep. He isn't going to wake up anytime soon." He stood next to me "We should find another lead."

"... I'm tired, already…" I groaned.

"Don't, the case has just started."

He took my trembling hand into his, and pulled me up suddenly. Then, he brought me towards his chest and used his taller body to hide me from anyone's eyes. I looked up at him, ready to question him, but he was quicker and grabbed the box in my pocket.

"Take that opportunity. Hurry."

"But people —"

"Who cares about what people believe? No one knows us here, anyway…"

He had rarely been that firm since my entrance in the Armed Detective Agency. Quietly, I nodded, before shoving up to three pills on my mouth and swallowing. It was burdensome to be an addict… I was glad that this pitiful life would stop soon. Soon… I closed my eyes a moment, before glancing up at him. He had not budged and, from an outsider's point of view, that scene must have looked like a hug… But to me, who had just drugged myself, it was just a convenient hideout… Gently, I cracked a smile and put a hand on his chest to push him away. Slightly…

"It's alright, now… We can go…"

"Really? Good~" He regained his usual playful smile.

"Should we head to the police station?" I suggested.

"That's not a bad idea." He pulled away from me.

"... Your hand…"

"Ah. My bad."

He had casually left it on my shoulder.

"Dazai… I'm fine, really. Besides, you've seen me take morphine countless times, already." I assured him.

"I have, yet that doesn't mean I am used to it. Every single time…"

"It's almost over. Don't worry… I'll never end up in such a state again…"

"Did you read my mind? That's surprising…~"

"I couldn't possibly… Not that I wouldn't want to…" I looked away.

"Mine will remain a mystery for you~"

"If I can't use my ability to understand it, I'll just strive to know you better…" I muttered.

"... You're right…"

I looked at him softly, and tugged on his sleeve to get him moving.

"We have some work to do. The case won't solve itself."

He chuckled, and we both headed out of the hospital. In front of our colleagues in the Agency, Dazai always behaved strangely, constantly acting like a buffoon, making a joke of himself. I had secretly resented him for putting on such a mask, and it hurt even more to know that everything was a lie. However, at the moment, there were only the two of us, and there was no need for him to keep playing the tragic story of the sad clown who was never allowed a single tear. In front of me, weakness was allowed, and I hoped he was aware that I would never judge him nor take advantage of him… Somehow, I felt special. I was the only one alive who got to see the sadness hidden beneath his mask… That in itself was exceptional enough, coming from Dazai, and it brought me back to our days in the Port Mafia. Thinking about it, he had been less secretive than he was these days, more willing to show his emotions, perhaps… I wondered if that was because of his mistake, because he felt as though he owed me, because he had hurt me… I was most certainly putting too much thought into that, anyway.

The policemen we met told us that they had never assigned any guards for Suda Hiroshi — that was the name of our client. Immediately, they deployed troops to arrest the imposters, but when we arrived, they had already disappeared.

"That's a fishy story…"

The detective in charge of the case put his cigarette out in the ashtray, and sighed.

"We were aware of the many assassination attempts on Suda-san's life, but we had received words that he was already guarded… That's why we never made a move…"

"What do you know of his research?" I questioned him.

"Wasn't it something about oil…? I have to admit that, as a proud citizen of Sapporo, I wasn't too pleased to hear about it…"

"So false information was spread about him… Why would anyone want him to be hated, though…?" I thought out loud.

"Is there anyone who would benefit from Suda-san's fall?" Dazai asked.

"Not that I know of… The only prominent family around here is the Ogawa family. However, they've come here around twenty years ago to retire. I heard their granddaughter lives with them, too." He told us.

"So, they aren't involved in business anymore…"

"No, not at all…! The granddaughter goes to school with my own children. She's well-behaved and polite, really, a kind girl…! They won't create any troubles."

We exited the police station, without much more information. At the very least, I knew that my grandparents were not involved in the case, which relieved me, in a way. I would not have to come into Ruriko-chan's life to destroy it once again… On the other hand, I had no idea about the motive of the criminal. Why would they sequester the man and let him die a slow, painful death, while running his reputation in Hokkaido? If there was nothing worth Suda-san's downfall, then it was surely…

"A passionate crime. A revenge." Dazai completed my thoughts "That's the only thing I can think of."

"I agree with you. It's the only option left, anyway. I'll call the Fox to get his background checked."

"Such a troublesome case… It doesn't help that the victim is a friend of your friend… Will you tell him?"

"Tell him what? That his friend is wounded, in a hospital between life and death…?"

"Wouldn't you want to know, though? If I was in this state, wouldn't you want to be aware?"

"... You have a point…" I conceded "I'll tell him…"

The call was short. My informer was upset and regretted taking so long to inform me about the situation. Although he had not been in contact with Suda-san for years, he was still his friend, and, knowing how he cared about the people close to him, I could only imagine how terrible it felt for him to know the researcher was hurt. He promised to work on the case, but I could perceive how disheartened he sounded. I did not insist and simply hung up. It was not my fault, yet I felt guilty; the Fox had entrusted me with his friend's life, but I had not managed to save him in time.

"Let's go back to the inn." Dazai suggested, slowly guiding me towards a car.

"Mmh… I want to rest…" I muttered, shoving the phone in my pocket "I don't want to hear about that case anymore…"

"You know we'll be back on it tomorrow."

"... I want to quit…"

"Don't be nonsensical, you're simply tired. A long bath in the onsen will make you feel better."

"Maybe you're right… I hate personal cases. Being emotionally involved doesn't go well with me… I should have asked Kunikida to take care of it." I regretted my choice.

"But the Fox made that request to you, his friend. You couldn't have refused either way."

"So, I was trapped from the beginning… Ah… That's the last time I go to Hokkaido."

"So it isn't entirely about the case." He noted.

I stayed quiet, unable to answer. I had not told him about my dream, after… Would he understand? Would he brush it off and call it "weird"? Would he laugh at me…?

"I'm bothered… By my sister…" I murmured "I'm torn between the wish to see her and my reason telling me that it would destroy her even more…"

"I see…"

As I was wondering if that would be all and if he truly did not care about my issues, he leaned towards the driver and changed our route.

"Where are we going?" I frowned.

"It's a surprise~ Do you have your sunglasses?"

"... Sure…?" I took them from my handbag "Why?"

"Wear them when we arrive~"

I did not question him, used to his strange yet meaningful behaviour from time to time, and obeyed him. Although the sun was playing hide-and-seek behind the clouds, I hid my eyes behind the darker glasses and followed him out of the vehicle. After walking a few meters, we arrived in front of a school, and I immediately understood which trick he had played on me. I grabbed his arm, rather brutally.

"Dazai…! You know… You know I can't…!" I protested "Let's leave this instant…!"

"No." He easily removed my grip from him "You want to see her, don't you? Then, at least, look from afar and check for yourself that she's alright."

"... Isn't that stalking her…?"

"Was gathering information on her via the Fox more legal?" He retorted.

As though I were scared they would fall, I readjusted the sunglasses on my nose, and leaned my back on a wall, waiting for the bell to ring and for Ruriko-chan to come out. Would she have friends? Most certainly… How many? I wished for her to have a lot of them… Would she see me? But she would surely mistake me for a stranger… She would not mind my presence too much, since she would not know I was her sister… In fact, I was terrified to meet her, and feel her look full of disgust on me… I was afraid she would scream "murderer" in the street and attract the police… Yes… I was scared that she would destroy my own life, the normality I had gained through so many hardships. In the end, it was the selfish side of myself which was frightened by Ruriko-chan. Unconsciously, my hand brushed against Dazai's, hoping desperately that his ability could cancel my feelings as well, where I knew it was simply impossible. Even so… It gave me the courage I lacked to face my precious sister.

The bell rang — an unfamiliar melody I was hearing for the first time, since had never attended school — and it did not take long before a flow of students came out of the building to head towards the gate. However, I did not see Ruriko-chan. I waited, and waited. My friend did not leave my side, despite the minutes passing and the sun slowly going down behind the buildings. I was disappointed. After bracing myself so hardly, all of my efforts had been in vain… I did not feel ready to experience such an unpleasant time ever again.

"Some clubs end later." Dazai spoke, out of the blue "Let's wait a bit more…"

"Even so, if she comes out alone… She'll be more likely to see me…"

"But will she recognise you? To be honest, you've changed…"

"How? Except for my clothes, I'm still Ogawa Yōko. If it weren't for my sunglasses, do you think these eyes of mine will go unnoticed? Sometimes, I hate them…" I crossed my arms.

"You can be so childish, sometimes~" He teased, wrapping an arm around my shoulders "These eyes are a part of you, as recognisable as they are, and I, for one, like them."

"Y-You do…?" I stuttered, turning towards him "I… Well… Thank you…? I suppose…"

Many people had already complimented my mother's eyes, but never had they paid attention to mine. The fact that it was Dazai, above anything else… It was… Surprising, to say the least… And oddly pleasant. It was impossible for me to suppress the smile from my face after his unexpected words, and even the nervousness I had felt upon waiting for my sister had faded away. Instead, it had been replaced by a strange mixture of warmth and contentment. Was receiving kind words always this agreeable…?

"There she is." My friend broke my train of thoughts.

Time seemed to stop as my eyes fell on the young girl who was Ruriko-chan. Unmistakably, it was her. The uniform of her high school seemed to fit her perfectly, the pleated skirt gently flowed around her legs as she walked, and her face had gotten thinner, more delicate… She had grown into a fine lady, although she was not yet an adult. And her clear blue eyes… They did not have the lavender colour of our mother's, but their blue, alike precious lapis lazuli, shone even brighter under the sunlight. My heart panged painfully in my chest as I refrained myself from running towards her. I could not…

"So that's her… She's cute~"

I could not repress a glare.

"Don't you dare even get close to her." I warned him.

"I'm not into younger girls, don't worry~" He laughed at me.

"Whatever…" I mumbled.

"She does resemble you, though…" He remarked.

"... Does she…? Are you blind…? Look at her gentle, pale face…! She is just like a doll…! And her long, jet black hair… Mmh… She's so beautiful, you really should get a pair of glasses…"

"Oh, really…~?" He smirked at me "I don't think so… But anyway, since she looks so good, I'll just have a word of two with her~"

"Dazai…! I forbid you…!" I ran after him "Come back here…! You're doing this on purpose…!"

However, he was much faster than I was, and he quickly reached Ruriko-chan in front of the gate. There, he put on his brightest and most seductive smile, and bowed slightly in front of her.

"Hello miss~ I saw you from afar and couldn't resist greeting you, since you're such a beauty~"

Her face expressed disgust, and she took a step back.

"I'll report you, sir…" She threatened.

"I apologise on behalf of my coworker…!" I moved in between them "Don't mind him, he's always like that, but he doesn't mean any harm…"

"I see… Well, I suppose I'll let you go, then."

My sister looked me up and down.

"It's strange… I'm positive I never saw you around here, yet you seem familiar, somehow…"

"Is… Is that so…?" I cleared my throat "We're detectives from Yokohama. We're here on a case. This is Dazai Osamu, and I am Fuyuno Kasumi."

"Oh… You're here for Suda-san…? The man whose life is constantly threatened?" She realised.

How smart she was… Was she truly my sister?

"Indeed… We hope to solve it soon."

I noticed the case she was holding.

"You play an instrument?" I asked to change the subject.

"I do." She smiled "Since you're a detective, why don't you try guessing it?"

"Sure… May I hold it?"

She handed me the case, and I took a quick look at it. Then, within a few seconds, I had my answer.

"The violin." I stated confidently.

"That wasn't too hard, was it? That's the most common one after all." She shrugged.

"It could have been a trumpet. But I mainly looked at your hands, and most particularly your fingers. They are a violinist's." I grinned.

"... I see…"

"Is there a problem?" I inquired.

"No, just… For a moment… Your smile… There is someone whose smile I've never seen… I was just wondering… If it would look the same… But that's impossible, you're not her… And… She's possibly already dead…" Her face darkened.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to remind you of that person…"

"It's not your fault. She was very sick… Perhaps it was for the best, after all…"

I clenched my fists. If Ruriko-chan believed I was dead, then perhaps I should let her live thinking that way… Even if it did not seem like she resented me for my deeds.

"You seem to like her a lot." Dazai said softly, taking me aback.

"Yes! She was my precious older sister, after all… Although I once held a grudge against her… No, maybe everything is better this way, after all…" She whispered "Anyway, it was nice to meet you two. Good luck with your case…! I have to go back home, otherwise, my grandparents will be worried."

"Yes, it would be wiser to go back, indeed. Be safe on the way." I waved lightly.

As soon as her back was turned, I sighed slightly. Did she not hate me for killing our parents…? Did she not want me in jail…? Or gone from this Earth…? Ruriko-chan truly had a gentle heart… She did not resemble me at all, her hands were pure, and produced beautiful music, unlike mine which only provoked screams of agony. We were different, and, despite the fact that I had gotten accustomed to living in a lighter word, it did not change the fact that I was tainted. I should not approach her anymore…

"Ogawa…!"

His sudden call, along with the screeching sound of a car's wheel on the concrete, made me act before my brain could even register what was occurring. I grabbed Ruriko-chan from behind, and pulled her out of the road before the vehicle could hit her. Her musician's hand did not let go of her precious instrument, even as we fell back on the sidewalk, which would have amused me if her life had not been in danger. Unable to help it, I wrapped my arms around her a moment, and kept her close to me, feeling my heart beat even faster at the thought of losing her so cruelly.

"How… How did you know my name…?" Her small and shocked voice reached my ears.

"That…" Dazai clicked his tongue, looking away.

He had made a mistake when calling me… Even so, I was grateful — the fraction of second gained when she stopped, hearing her name, had allowed me to save her.

"You must have misheard." I lied "Can you stand up?"

"Wait, Fuyuno…" My friend prevented me from moving "Your sunglasses…"

They had fallen from my face, and the car had crushed them, adding to my misfortune.

"Shit…" I cursed.

"Are you alright?" My sister turned towards me "I must be heavy…"

I immediately closed my eyes.

"Y-Yes… I… Just… I'm sensitive… To the sun, so… It's hard for me to see without my glasses…" I invented an illness.

She did not say a thing and, since I had deprived myself from my eyes, I could not see her face.

"You know… I'm not a detective, but… If you truly were sick, you would take better care of these glasses… You could have tied them, for example… And you should own a spare…"

She really was too smart… It was my defeat, and I had to face its consequences.

"You're right… I'm not sick… I was just… Hiding."

I opened my eyes, and glanced at the shock in her look, before helping her up. Then, I smiled — or smirked, it seemed like a weird way to lift the corners of my lips up.

"It's been a while, Ruriko-chan…"

"Ah… I see… It was one of your horrible tricks…" Tears fell onto her cheeks "You're the worst… The worst…! Even after everything I told Fuyuno Kasumi, even after losing your only way of hiding, you're still dishonest… Why are you always, always lying…?!"

"Ruriko-chan…"

"Don't touch me…! You're a liar…! I don't… I don't want to see you again…!"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have… But… I thought you hated me… So, I… I just… I just wanted to know… How you were doing…"

"If you truly wanted to check on me, you would have come in person, instead of lying, as always… As expected…"

"But you said you didn't hate me —"

"I don't hate you, but I don't trust you either. Go away, now. Don't… Don't try to reach out to me anymore. My sister is dead to me."

I was not able to hold her back and, powerless, stared at her silhouette fading away in the remnants of the sunlight. Being alive, yet dead in another person's heart, felt like the ground had shattered beneath my feet.

"... It was a mistake…" I breathed out "A terrible one…"

"Ogawa, that was my fault… I should have given you more time… Or maybe I shouldn't have insisted in the first place…" Dazai sighed.

"Yes… It is your fault." I cried "Everything… It is your fault… If only I had waited more, I would never have hidden myself, had I been ready…! But you had to butt in and convince me otherwise… Why did I even follow your lead, in the first place…?! This is my business, my sister, yet you interfered again! You always do! And now… And now she… Whereas she didn't hate me…"

"Ogawa…"

"I'm dead to her…! Do you understand…?! I do not exist anymore…!! I stopped living in her mind…! She might as well have killed me, I would have suffered less… That's your fault…" I sobbed, falling to my knees "I've lost my sister… Ruriko-chan…! Ruriko-chan…!"

"... I'm sorry…" He crouched down to face me "I'm sorry that it turned out so badly…"

I reached for his collar, and pulled him towards me to bury my face in his coat, to hide my pitiful tears. Even when he had left, I had not cried this much. Why was this one loss so painful…? Was it because I had expected something…? What was the point of desiring and hoping, then, if these feelings only brought pain by crushing my heart…? What was the point of longing, if the person I wanted to see did not want me by her side…? I should have known and abandoned these useless emotions long ago, I should have learnt from my experience with Dazai, but I was as ignorant as I had been years ago.

"It's alright… Blame me all you want, if it alleviates your pain…" He murmured "I did miscalculate, this time…"

"... I'm sorry…" I sniffed, slowly calming down "I got carried away…"

"I said it's fine."

I looked up at him, but far from a face matching his comforting words, his expression was… Well, he was expressionless. Or perhaps annoyed. I had vexed him.

"There is something I've come to understand, with time…" I pulled away from him "Human feelings… Are kind of unpredictable. You can manipulate them, you can play with them, but at the end of the day, you'll always end up surprised… Besides, you made a mistake because you're not familiar with Ruriko-chan…"

"And what's your point?"

I grabbed his cheeks and forcefully pulled them up to force a smile on his face.

"A genius strategist can make mistakes. And, you're a human too. You have a brain, and emotions, not a chessboard which pieces you move thanks to calculations." I told him.

"I don't have enough ego to be angry about failure." He avoided my eyes "Rather…"

His fingers tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear, and he sighed again.

"Nothing… The night is falling, let's really go back now." He took my hand to help me up.

"Mmh… There is no use crying, anyway… What's done is done, and I can never go back. I'll just have to live without her." I wiped my tears away.

"... But you have me…"

"... Did you say something…?"

A car had passed right while he was talking, and I was afraid to have misheard. He cracked a smile.

"Nothing at all. I'm just excited to try the onsen, that's all~"

"True." I giggled "We do deserve some rest."

#bsd #bsd fanfic #bsd oc #bungou stray dogs fanfic #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs oc #dazai #bsd dazai #dazai osamu

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

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Mount Everest Ain't Got Shit On Us, Part 20. (Fezco x fem!reader) - The Aftermath, Part 3. (Ending)

Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you’ll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like a scary example of what will happen when you don’t obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.

A/N: Inspired by Cinderella by the man of the greatest, Mac Miller for two reasons (and Talk by Khalid slightly in the end).

He truly is a great rapper in my opinion (and not because his life ended up so soon, sadly). I like the beats of his songs, the energy, they have thoughts in them (like Cinderella or Self Care).

Cinderella is a break-up song, but also, Mac says that he’s waiting for that girl no matter what.

Also, it should end up way different, but I was too sad, so I made it a bit sweeter. Still sad tho.

Warnings: Angst, ending of the series. You're gonna hate me, folks. Also a lot of Khalid mentions. And ma being right once again.

Word count: 4.1 K

Read the rest here, babe: PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 PART 6 PART 7 PART 8 PART 9 PART 10 PART 11 PART 12 PART 13 PART 14 PART 15 PART 16 PART 17 PART 18 PART 19

Masterlist and declaration: H E R E

Tagging: @charmed-asylum, @jeyramarie, @pantherxrogers, @analia-analia-analia

There's no such freedom as letting the bike ride down from the hill on its own, nothing is better than riding down with your ass up just as your hair flies around you and you close your eyes, smiling to the sun as songs rush through your earbuds.

For the first time in forever, you could feel happy and calm, a smile appearing on your lips basically on its own. The last few months were a fucking ride, you couldn't put it in other words. Your heart broke many times as you broke down in tears, sliding down leaning into the wall. There was a lot of screaming at your home, a lot of curse words falling down; from you and Fran, not from your parents.

She needs to go on rehab, your ma said when she saw you for the first time in hospital. There was no such terrible news for Christian parents than knowing that their child is a drug addict. Or a lesbian. They could somehow handle Fran like that problem kid, at least for the first time she got into a rehab, but when you ended up on a hospital bed for the first time as well, they were so disappointed.

Also at that moment, Fran was on the same hospital floor with recovering from cuttings under her neck, her ankles, and her palms. She was out. Sleeping. Fighting for her life. In the end, you couldn't blame your parents for their reactions. One of their kids ended up in the hospital, drugged and almost dead, and when the kid had finally woken up, the other one tried to kill themselves. It was just too much to take in.

Of course, you were forbidden to see Fezco when they learned what actually happened, or what occurred according to the witnesses. If they knew that the man with a red beard just appeared in the same room as you did, they would kill you both. Regardless of what happened, they made Fezco the bad guy, even if the police found him completely innocent. For further restricting the contact between you two, they even took your phone away.

Your man almost couldn't handle that shit - and he didn't even hear the worst part at that time. He sat by your side almost every evening since you were in a coma, holding your hand, sometimes even sleeping by your side - and when his little angel had finally woken up, he was restricted to see her.

Thank God, the teen-agers who were saving his ass have done a really good job - part of that was that Nate had got a good record with manipulating crimes and he was from a well-respected family. And the other part was done thanks to Jules, who took all his drug-dealing junk into her room until the situation got quiet. They were working to save him a good time and they knew that they would be able to manipulate a murder - which didn't mean that they would like to kill for business from that moment on (even if Rue persuaded that idea many times).

But in the end, Fezco wasn't arrested or rotting in jail, which made you happy. But even if he was legally cleansed, that didn't make a difference for your parents at all. He was a criminal - and he could damage your life and well-being.

Of course that as soon as they released you our of the hospital, and they also told that there's no need for rehab since you're not a junkie, you ran off in the night. It was a cold January night, it was snowing and the roads and pavements were covered in a thin layer of ice.

As soon as your lips touched his, your body started to undress before you even realized any of it. There was no need for words. You only needed him and his dick. You slowly realized that you're naked when his warm skin pressed on yours and started to heat it. The truth was that you only barely realized what you were doing as you felt all those things after a few months. You wished for his taste never leaving your lips, for his skin to warm you until the day was over and to smell him when you close your eyes.

Fezco wanted to make you feel love and to make you feel like a princess, yet it didn't end up like that at all. It was passionate, it was almost violent at whiles. You started on the bed and when he was finally naked, you somehow ended up on all fours, ass up for him, yelling to the floor as you felt the skin on your knees burning.

He always told you that you look like a beautiful, tender angel. That night was somehow different - you wanted and needed to be broken by him. Fez basically destroyed you that night - just as you mesmerized him by slow, tender lovemaking - you rode him like he loved to and to feel you after such a long time was like a dream coming true. Unreal.

When it was all done, you laid down in his bed, holding him just as if he belonged to you - your hand around his hips, your leg entwined between his thighs with your forehead on his chest. You felt safe. But you know that it wasn't for too long.

"I heard rumors." - Fez started slowly, drawing circles on your naked shoulder, kissing the top of your head.

"Oh yeah?" - You wondered with a low chuckle, kissing the small sweet spot between his flat breasts. - "What did you hear? Do you want to share with the class?" - You mumbled as you continued up to below the line of his beard, your hand slowly traveling down, thinking of round three.

"About you movin' out of da town." - Fezco whispered, watching you with his blue eyes. He was... Hurt. And about to cry. Which mad you inclined to crying as well. It was like an instant connection.

"I am afraid... That those aren't only rumors, Fez." - You sighed. The man under your body just shifted for a second before he closed his eyes as he smoothed his face with his fingers. - "I need to. My parents want me to. And they wouldn't leave me alone."

"When ya leavin'?" - Fezco gently pushed you on his body, leaning his head down to kiss you.

"On Monday." - You mumbled to his lips and felt, how he tensed. And practically pushed his lips off yours. - "I have already packed everything."

"And when you planned on tellin' me? Huh? A short call at a gas station?" - He got up from the bed, taking some underwear on, leaving you naked between the blankets. Everything inside you strangely hurt, it felt like if you let your man down, because he wasn't even able to look in your direction.

At that moment, he didn't think about loving you like anybody else on the whole planet, he just thought about you being gone from his day-to-day life in just two days from that night. That just wasn't fair - how could someone love somebody else so much only to let them go?

“Fezco, you know that it's not like that.” - You sat, covering your own body with a blanket. You felt as tears slowly crept into your eyes. - “You know how complicated my life is right now. You do.”

“Whatever, man.” - He leaned his palms into one of the cabinets in his room, looking into the mirror as you dressed up. You felt the need to leave immediately. Before knocking on his door, you were willing to give him both the nights that were remaining to you in the town. Now, you just wanted to get away from that place.

And so you did. And didn't come back after that, not hearing a single word from Fez again. You took it as a break-up. He hadn't tried to contact you after that one last passionate night. It felt cold. So you acted cold as well, you didn't stealthy left your room or went to his and Ash’s gas station. And it hurt like hell; it hurt so much that you only laid in your bed and cried until you fell asleep, not leaving your room for food or toilette.

And this time, you hadn't got Fran by your side to tell you that you will do just fine - with Fez or without him.

Rue and Jules came to visit you just before it was your time to leave, both of them were crying like hell. Rue held you for a ridiculous amount of time, so tightly that you giggled. Then you sat at your room, a rap song playing from Jules’ phone.

“We’ll miss ya, idiot.” - Rue said and nuzzled her head into your upper thigh so you could massage her scalp.

“If you can behave and you will stay clean, you can come to visit me to Minnesota on spring break.” - You smoothed her cheek with a small smile. - “Granny has a place for all of us there. It will be fun because Minnesota is beautiful.”

“Yeah, I heard somewhere that its wilderness is great. We can go hiking.” - Jules exclaimed happily, holding your other hand.

“Only if missy here on my lap will stay clean. Can you promise that?” - You asked the beauty on your lap and she nodded lazily with her eyes closed and a sad face, she was smelling you, so she remembered your favorite perfume or antiperspirant.

“Anything new about Fez?” - You mumbled with a sigh.

“He’s still refusing to speak with us. He tries to get me clean again and I think that we are remindin’ his ass of ya. You know that it still means that he loves ya?” - Rue played with your fingers childishly. Of course, he was in love with you - because you still couldn't get him out of your head or heart as well.

The question was if you will be ever able to forgive him. Everything was screaming his name to you - like the small things on your bedside table, an empty frame where your photo used to be, weird hoodies that reminded you of his style, that tone of his voice whispering you dirty little jokes whispered to your ear, him making you laugh whenever he felt you're stressed that you could hear in any song you’ve listened to, his smile and blue eyes in the color of the sky. No. No, you knew you could hardly move on from that intense relationship. And even if you eventually do, there will be a part of you still in love with that man.

No other boy will ever take your panties off, damped as hell, the way Fezco did. Nobody brews coffee the way he did and nobody else will watch you perform concerts only in your lacy bra and bathrobe.

“He will be fine. He always is. Let him take his time.” - You nodded, crying again, but smiling at Rue sadly.

“And about ya?” - Rue asked seriously and you just looked away. After that, Jules changed the topic fast, because she knew that you're about to scream in frustration.

One thing was crossing your mind again and again - why people who are the closest to be actual angels are the most corrupted ones? You took a good look at Rue, the girl with heart of gold - a drug addict, irresponsible woman with OCD, ADD and so many shits to add to the stock. Jules, such an incredible sweet - also a kind of slut for older men. Fezco, literally the best boy you have ever met and basically the love of your life - a dropout highschooler and a dealer who killed a person.

The people around you were the literal angels - and the most fucked up of all people youve ever met and you knew that you will never meet anyone like them in your life.

So naturally, when it came to saying goodbye, there were so many tears that it couldn't be counted. Rue was telling you dumb jokes and promised to send you letters every once a while, Cal couldn't even speak in his terms because he was sobbing so much and Jules... She was just sadly smiling at you and even if she wasn't crying at all, you could feel that she is sad.

But you only laughed when your ma started the engine and Jules and Rue followed you on their bikes until the Hope you'll come to visit you again and you only could laugh because they were yelling stuff at you the whole way while you were leaning from the window and looking at them.

When you left the town, you closed the window, seeing those two still watching your car disappear. You sighed and started to play with the few rings you had on both hands.

“How you're doing?” - Your ma asked silently. You disappointed her really bad, but you were still her daughter and you knew that sooner or later, she will start trusting you again. But you also knew that you needed to take small steps at a time. Same with dad. You fucked up, that was for sure - but there was still a comparison to Fran, so your fucking-up bar wasn't as high, you thought to yourself.

“I'm doing just fine.” - You said quietly, not looking at her. - “Thanks for your concern.”

“Y/N, stop acting like Fran. This is...-” - Your ma gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. - “For the sake of my own health and well being, I know, I know. How I said, thanks for your concern.”

“Look, I know that this whole attitude thing is about Fez. And I get it, totally.” - She started quietly. That was when you turned off the radio and turned your face to her a bit.

“He isn't a bad person and you know that.” - You mumbled with the breaking of your heart being pressed into every letter of that sentence.

“And if I remember correctly, I and neither your father ever told that. Never. Not even once.” - She sighed and after a long time, she started speaking again. - “He is a wonderful man when we are speaking about his character only. All I needed to know is that he makes my daughter happy and that he is honest and serious with her. And I swear to God that I've never seen anyone looking at someone else like when he watched every move you ever made. I liked having him over for dinner or movie marathons. He was kind to me and nice under any circumstances. Fezco is a good, loyal and loving person.” - She told you. You were sitting there like a hot pile of shit, looking in front of you without any word coming to your tongue.

“And I know you left your room on Friday and I am not dumb. But you two needed to talk to each other for the last time. I needed you to do it, because it doesn't matter if he is a nice guy or not when he shot a guy with a gun, regardless it was self-defense or not. A mother doesn't want to see her child with a man like that.” - She stopped the car on the right side of the road and she watched as your cheeks have filled with tears. But she didn't stop the engine.

“And I know that if you want, you can just be with him again when you are an adult. But I think that now it just isn't your time to be together - things happened to him, thing happened to you and... I know it hurts, baby. I know. But give it some time. Let both your lives settle down, grow up a bit, grow as a person and someday, maybe, if you want, you can save the man you're so blatantly in love with now.” - Your ma took your hand to her palm and kissed it slowly, letting you cry.

She was right, just as always. You’ve done wrong - but just as you did, he did too. And she did even know that if you would want to continue the relationship in the future, you could and she couldn't stop. But this was her way of making you stop for a while, so you could get out of Fezcos drug world she didn't even know about.

“We have broken up... The night I have sneaked out of my window.” - You confessed quietly and she just closed her eyes and exhaled out loud. Your ma was the wisest woman you have ever met. She did antagonize Fezco - but on the other hand, she was able to tell that he has a kind heart and that the relationship you had was an unusually strong one for the first one in your romantical life, at least openly.

She even liked that boy. He helped with the dishes, laughed at her dumb jokes and brought her some nice pieces of dishes and flowers when he had an opportunity. Naturally, she was a little sad that you called your romance off. Or, more likely, he called it off.

“You will be fine, baby. You will do just great.” - She promised and kissed your forehead. She was mad at you most of the time - but the mother does nurse their children when something happens. Plus, you already showed the will to turn the things around.

Even if it was without an internet connection and extremely far away from your own home, you loved your granny’s big house in Minnesota. It was a big and old one and you loved spending time there since you were small. It was kind of a bummer to start school all over again without anybody, but you managed.

Your mom got you a new phone number and made sure to give it to Leslie and to Jules’ dad, so they could call you from time to time when you weren’t doing anything at the moment. The town was pretty small and you knew most of the people - but nobody knew the true reason why you moved there. They were glad for you nonetheless.

You found new friends sooner or later and one day, while you’ve been sitting at a coffee, waiting for your studying partner, you’ve hidden all the photos and stories you had with Fezco on Instagram. It felt strange, yet the memories in photos of you and Rue, Leslie, Gia, Jules, and other girls made you genuinely laugh.

In this town, you had a good reputation - you were a pretty good student, the nice person helping on local events for children. To say at least, you’ve been good.

And just as Rue promised, she wrote you letter every two weeks. She bragged herself about being clean so she could visit you with Jules - she also wrote the number big and colorful, so you couldn't miss it at all.

Over time, small notes were delivered in the letter for you - for example, a polaroid of your and Fezco’s favorite restaurant and when you turned it, there was Do ya remember? written in big letters.

For the first few times, you thought of Rue doing weird Rue shit - but over the time, the photos got more and more intimate - the place where you sat and made love under the stars, the pool where it all has started, a small spot on the counter in his shop which you marked as yours with a heart drawn with a glitter pen. Later, you started a small collection and you were smiling every time youve opened up the book to save another polaroid there. It was like he was speaking to you with small sentences like I remember everything or This place ain't da same without ya singin’ Talk (*by Kalid, author’s notes) and the sweetest was when you received a photo of his bed with This space empty without ya, just like ma heart.

And that’s what got you to that one April afternoon where you drove the hill on your bike, listening to some good old Khalid, as you did with Rue. Thanks to her, you knew a few of his songs by your heart. Rue loved him.

Just as you entered the house, you kissed your grandma on her cheeks and went to your room to clean up your things. The phone was laying on your bed and still playing songs when it started to vibrate and play the ring bell tone.

You were surprised - it was neither Rue or Jules, Fran was calling from rehab every Wednesday, ma called on Friday. When you read the number, your brain recognized it as if someone snapped next to your ear. You got anxious and you almost threw up - you never tried calling him, you weren't seeking photos of him or exactly threw up yourself in self-pity and melancholy, only the first week you’ve been in Minnesota was like that.

Did you want to hear Fezco actually? Wouldn’t it just hurt you more? You knew how cold he was when you told him that you’re leaving... Three months ago. But since then, he was slowly making you fond of those memories you had with him. He was apologizing in his very own way.

But the true question was if you were ready to hear him again. You were nervous, sweaty, shaking like hell. The first call fell into a black screen and you exhaled slowly. No, you weren’t. You definitely weren’t.

Just as you threw the phone back on your bed so you could continue with the stuff you had to have done, it started to ring again. You closed your eyes, leaning into the wall. So Fezco was serious with the call? It made you only more anxious and angry. He was acting like such a douche the last time you’ve seen him and even if he took you cute polaroids, he didn't even apologize.

That evening was mostly Fran’s fault, yes, but he technically shot Mouse down. And he did so for a good reason - Mouse was scared that you will disclose their location to the police. You could be the corpse. But exactly was also a reason why you had to leave. And he didn't exactly have the decency to neither explain himself or say sorry.

You were basically sure that you are done with him - backing up all those photos you had so you still had them, but not in your gallery, archiving every post on socials you had with him. You guessed that you weren't simply a thing anymore.

And you even tried to date a guy in Minnesota. But just the way he held your hand didn't feel right. Fezco always held it like if you were a princess, gently playing with all the ring it had, kissing your knuckles or fingertips while he was bored or listening to what you were saying. And the way Minnesota boy was kissing? N O W A Y. It wasn't right at all. His clothes weren't as cozy as Fezco’s, he didn't smell as good as your former boyfriend did. He didn't touch you so you would feel like a goddess - that was a no-no situation for you.

And you realized that Fez might have set the standard bar for other boys who tried to win you for themselves too high. He truly was spoiling you with every look and every touch.

But that didn't mean you would just run to him when he calls you like a dog. He was doing some fucked-up things and you acknowledged that especially since you weren't mesmerized by him every day.

So you told yourself that if he calls you for the third time in a row, you will pick the phone up no matter what. No matter how angry or nervous you would be. The second ringtone ended and you watched the screen with anticipation. The phone was silent for a minute, then for two, three... You sighed and shook your head.

“Y/N! Dear! Can you come and help me out here with something?” - Your granny screamed at you from the first floor. You slowly went to the door, still glued to the screen of your phone as you held the door in your hand. You almost closed it, but it rang again - and to your surprise, a big smile grew on your lips as you went to pick it up.

“Gimme five minutes, grandma!” - You yelled back at her and sat down on your bed.

And you picked up.

FIN

#mount everest ain't got shit on us #hbo euphoria #rehab #rue bennett #fezco euphoria #fezco x reader #fezco x fem!reader #here we go again #the last part #I will miss it tbh #jules vaughn #drug addition

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