#the great tragedy of my life is i love america

[eachmostremembering]

i'm thinking about travel and if i bust my ass i can finish undergrad by the summer and scrape together some grants and loans and beg i can maybe go to germany

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Do you have a list of good sex ed books to read?

BOY DO I

please bear in mind that some of these books are a little old (10+ years) by research standards now, and that even the newer ones are all flawed in some way. the thing about research on human beings, and especially research on something as nebulous and huge as sex, is that people are Always going to miss something or fail to account for every possible experience, and that's just something that we have to accept in good faith. I think all of these books have something interesting to say, but that doesn't mean any of them are the only book you'll ever need.

related to that: it's been A While since I've read some of these so sorry if anything in them has aged poorly (I don't THINK SO but like, I was not as discerning a reader when I was 19) but I am still including them as books that have been important to my personal journey as a sex educator.

additionally, a caveat that very few of these books are, like, instructional sex ed books in the sense of like "here's how the penis works, here's where the clit is, etc." those books exist and they're great but they're also not very interesting to me; my studies on sex are much more in the social aspect (shout out to my sociology degree) and the way people learn to think about sex and societal factors that shape those trends. these books reflect that. I would genuinely love to have the time to check out some 101 books to see how they fare, but alas - sex ed is not my day job and I don't have the time to dedicate to that, so it happens slowly when it happens at all. I've been meaning to read Dr. Gunter's Vagina Bible since it came out in 2019, for fucks sake.

and finally an acknowledgement that this is a fairly white list, which has as much to do with biases with academia and publishing as my own unchecked biases especially early in my academic career and the limitations of my university library.

ANYWAY here's some books about sex that have been influential/informative to me in one way or another:

The Trouble With Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life (Michael Warner, 1999)

Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences (Laura M. Carpenter, 2005)

Virgin: The Untouched History (Hanne Blank, 2007)

Sex Goes to School: Girls and Sex Education Before the 1960s (Susan K. Freeman, 2008)

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex (Mary Roach, 2008)

Transgender History: The Roots of Today's Revolution (Revised Edition) (Susan Stryker, 2008)

The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women (Jessica Valenti, 2009)

Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex (Amy T. Schalet, 2011)

Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality (Hanne Blank, 2012)

Rewriting the Rules: An Integrative Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships (Meg-John Barker, 2013)

The Sex Myth: The Gap Between Our Fantasies and Realities (Rachel Hills, 2015)

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Tranform Your Sex Life (Emily Nagoski, 2015)

Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men (Jane Ward, 2015)

Too Hot to Handle: A Global History of Sex Education (Jonathan Zimmerman, 2015)

American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus (Lisa Wade, 2017)

Histories of the Transgender Child (Jules Gill-Peterson, 2018)

Revolting Prostitutes: The Fight for Sex Workers' Rights (Juno Mac and Molly Smith, 2018)

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex (Angela Chen, 2020)

Pleasure in the News: African American Readership and Sexuality in the Black Press (Kim Gallon, 2020)

A Curious History of Sex (Kate Lister, 2020)

Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity (Peggy Orenstein, 2020)

Black Women, Black Love: America's War on Africa American Marriage (Dianne M. Stewart, 2020)

The Tragedy of Heterosexuality (Jane Ward, 2020)

Hurts So Good: The Science and Pleasure of Pain on Purpose (Leigh Cowart, 2021)

Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs (Ina Park, 2021)

The Right to Sex: Feminist in the Twenty-First Century (Amia Srinivasan, 2021)

Love Your Asian Body: AIDS Activism in Los Angeles (Eric C. Wat, 2021)

Superfreaks: Kink, Pleasure, and the Pursuit of Happiness (Arielle Greenberg, 2023)

[mrcavill88]

A twist in time

Pairing: Captain America Chris Evans x Male Reader x Superman Henry Cavill

Summary: A sudden ravaging force made its rampage through space and time, causing an unwanted rupture within the greater omniverse. The citizens of earth are left broken, sorrowful, and desperate as it seems all hope is lost. The only faith left in humanity stands within two veteran superheroes, both from different timelines. They two are on the verge of giving up as Earth is expected to reach its end, but a certain someone might be the last thing keeping them going

Word count: 3.3k+

Warnings: 18+, Heavy angst, mentions of family loss, mass poverty, hunger, depression, slight dirty thoughts, kissing, mugging, mentions of sexual assault, fluff, death, crying

A/N: Hey everyone! Back with another fic. I decided to try something different, this one is definitely more emotional and heavy than my other fics. Please let me know, in the comments, if you guys like this style! Thanks!

*FLASHBACK 6 months prior to the tragedy*

"Three, two, one- Happy birthday dad!" you exclaimed as the people around you cheered and hollered in celebration of your wonderful father's 55th birthday. The atmosphere was ebullient and blissful. You were surrounded by all your friends and loved ones, what could possibly go wrong?

Your life was quite typical, nothing eccentric ever happened, you just lived a normal American life.

A bright smile emerged onto your father's face as he blew the candles out on his cake, such a campy, traditional method of celebrating a birthday. "Oh thank you everyone! You guys have truly made this such a memorable day for me! God bless you a-" your dad couldn't even finish his last word before the ground beneath you violently flipped and the world around you collapsed in mere seconds.

A boisterous cacophony filled the air as a great, morose darkness consumed the world as you knew it. An immense dizziness poisoned your head as you arose from the coarse ground. A feeling of deep disparity and confusion puzzled your brain as your eyes slowly became crystal pools.

How quickly the atmosphere changed

The most beloved people in your lives were all happy in one place, celebrating a great event; the next thing you know, those same people lay beside you, their bodies lifeless, clothed in debris. You tried to stand up but a stinting pain penetrated your skin, right below you kneecaps. You could only crawl your way through the endless amount of rubble and bodies that surrounded you. You made your way out the door of the party venue to see the most intriguing, yet absolutely horrifying landscape you've ever seen in your life.

Absolutely pandemonium

Skyscrapers crumbling into the ground, children frenetically running around - trying desperately to find their parents - , the sounds of screams and cries scattered across the city as fear consumed everybody's souls. The wind brushed your face as you watched the city you grew up in, fall to ruins in an instant.

"What the hell happened?" you thought to yourself, witnessing absolute global destruction.

"What exactly caused this? A natural disaster? Terrorist attacks?"

None. What happened was beyond any human's comprehension. A force of mass hatred, destruction, and hunger powered through space and time. A pan-dimensional entity, fueled by enmity, was on a quest to consume the infinite cosmos, and it has just reached Earth.

But in the midst of all this chaos, two blue figurines caught your eye as they blazed through all the commotion and falling buildings. A sudden ray of light in the ever-growing darkness, a spark of hope in an infinite pit of sorrow. You tried to make out who the two beings were, they were moving so fast, they looked, inhuman. You limped over to a stop sign, trying to make out what it was.

A more clear sight of the heroes stunned you as you could finally make out the two images: what looked to be, Captain America and Superman of all people.

But it couldn't be, right? They only existed in fiction and were just a simple idea of mankind. But it was real, it was so real. They were humanity's last hope, their only hope.

*FLASHFORWARD to present day*

You finally woke up from your everlasting slumber. After everyone you loved was gone, taking your life seemed to be the best option to end the endless cycle of pain and loss you felt. The shelter you stayed at wasn't amazing either; all the citizens of your city crammed into one facility, trying to make ends meet.

And this morning was no different from any other, the unpleasant smell of expired food painted a sour expression on your face.

You slouched off the bed, dragging your limbs to the door of your bunk. A tear staining your cheek as you reminisced the days where you were happy, when you had people you could turn to; all that down the drain, and now, you had no one.

It's been days since you left your bunk. You practically trapped yourself here, never wanting to interact with another human ever again. But your body was calling out to you: you were so fucking hungry.

Even though you grew extremely distant from the world, something fueled you to keep going, almost like, a fire igniting deep inside you. You opened the door, greeted by the cold, smoky air; something everyone was quite used to at this point.

You walked over to the bathrooms, the stench that grew on you starting to really bemuse you. The door opened and, there he was. The ever-so-infamous Captain America.

You stared into his cold blue eyes, his blond hair elegantly quaffed.

"Can I help you?" he asked, staring down at your much smaller figure.

You were completely taken aback by his daunting appearance. He was tall, around 6'2", stacked with muscle and chiseled to the bone. His eyebrow raised as he waited for your response, crossing his arms, showing off his biceps that were accented by his white tank top.

"Chris Evans?" you said, still suspicious of who the man really was.

"Who? I'm not really sure who that is. I'm surprised you don't know me" he said, questioning what you just said.

"Steve Rogers, Captain America, some might say, pleasure to meet you" holding his hand out for you to shake it.

You hesitantly shook his hand, still not completely sure what was going on.

"Pleasure to meet y-you too. H-how exactly are you, real?" you asked, staring into his eyes.

"Haha yeah I know this whole get up seems funny, but I'm 100% real. I know the muscles and the good looks are a lot, but I'm just a kid from Brooklyn, a really, really lucky kid from Brooklyn" he chuckled.

You didn't exactly know how to feel. You felt like you were in some kind of virtual reality, what else could it be? You were talking to Captain America of all people! But little did you know that reality was nothing but a concept, a toy for a greater entity to play with.

Besides the fact that you were talking to a literal superhero, something else was puzzling your brain. A feeling that coursed through your brain, the feeling of, love. You just met this man, but you wanted him, you absolutely needed him.

"Uhm, it was nice meeting you. It's great to talk to someone else that isn't Superman, oh that selfless log. But uhm, yeah, I'll see you soon. And what was your name again? I don't remember if you told me?" he said, putting on a tight muscle shirt.

"Y/N" you said, cheeks flustered bright pink.

"Y/N, I like that name. Well, see you soon, Y/N"

You watched as the man walked into the facility base, completely awestruck by his charm. If only you knew that those same feelings were rumbling inside his stomach.

You washed up, put on a new pair of clothes, and made your way to the dining hall. You were so beyond hungry, a simple bowl of cereal could fulfill your needs. You got in line at the kitchen as the lunch ladies put some gray porridge onto your plate.

The fresh look on your small face disappeared at the sight of maggots and flies crawling around your "breakfast". You sat down as you forced the muddy slop into your mouth; you felt your tastebuds begin to suffer and cry as you continued eating it.

That's when you felt a strong hand grab your shoulder, its grip tight and sturdy.

"Hey Y/N! It's me again, haha. I'd like to introduce you to my friend. This is Clark, I'm sure you know all about him, but the people in this world are pretty different from mine."

"Hey there Y/N, Clark Kent, you probably know me as Superman"

"Hi! Huge fan. But, I'm confused. I know things are pretty crazy, but how exactly did you, come to life? I mean on this Earth, I don't know about your earth, Captain America and Superman are just fictional characters" you said, still completely puzzled by the two heroes' existences

They both looked at each with great confusion and ambivalence.

"Listen, Y/N. We're just as confused as you are, nothing really makes sense right now. We've lost so many lives, lots of good people, but there's no solid explanation. From what we know, there's something, out there. We're not quite sure what it is but it's slowly destroying reality as we know it. I guess this thing caused a rift in the space time continuum, that's why we're on this planet. Everything is so, unfamiliar" Clark said, his voice a little raspy and shaken.

"We're trying everything we can to save the world but, nothing's working" Steve said, his hand rubbing his chin.

"Well I think it's best for you two to stay strong! Come on! The world's Earth's defenders can defend Earth! I believe in you guys" you said, full of optimism. You farewelled the two men before leaving the dining room. Clark's eyes immediately scanned your ass, his x-ray vision seeping through your pants.

"Oh someone's got a little crush" Steve giggled, cleaning up some of the tables.

"H-hey! That's not true! I'm loyal!" Clark yelled, sounding furious.

"Loyal to someone who's dead? Yeah that doesn't exist anymore"

All Clark saw was red, he grabbed Steve's neck, gripping it tightly as he looked Steve deep in the eye.

"You wanna repeat that Captain?" he said, his eyes starting to glow a scarlet red.

"H-hey hey! Easy man, I was just playing, don't take it personally"

Clark let go of Steve's neck, still a little irritated by Steve's ignorant comment.

"Sorry, it's just Lois' death, I can't live without her" Clark said, his eye sockets beginning to fill with tears.

Clark never talked about his feelings, he was Superman, after all. Steve was the only person who knew of Clark's depression after Lois' death.

"Hey, you have a lot to live for! You're Superman! You're my best bud, I lost my family, my best friend, my colleagues, and I still stay with my head up. And besides, Y/N is mine" Steve said, with slight sarcasm in his voice.

"Yeah right. He'd choose me in a fucking heartbeat. Like you said, I'm Superman"

"Oh please! Y/N has known me for longer and don't forget, I'm Captain America!"

"Fuck you" Clark murmured under his breath.

"In your dreams"

*FLASHFORWARD 30 minutes later*

You decided to take some time outside of the facility, take a trip down memory lane, if you will. You walked out of the gates and into the city, tears filled your eyes as you saw the city you loved, smashed to pieces.

You walked on the sidewalk, the same sidewalk you took on the way to school, the memories bringing an immense bittersweet feeling.

You lived in the heart of NYC, the city was bustling with people everyday. Now the city has become a dour ruin, nothing more than debris, rubble, and smoke.

You turned the corner of a run-down building and crossed a dark alleyway. But the sight of the alleyway left you completely frozen in fear and anxiety.

Seven cloaked men were huddling up when they noticed you, their eyes went from bloodshot with drugs to lustful.

"Oh look who it is? A beautiful little doe? What're you doing in these parts?" the tallest man said, his large figure terrifying you.

You instantly ran out of the alleyway and started running back to the facility. Your adrenaline kicked in as the men chased you, getting closer and closer with each step.

You turned the corner of an abandoned hospital and just your luck: a dead end.

The men cornered you, rubbing their hands together, prepared to do horrible things to you.

"Oh what a beautiful thing you are!" the tallest man said as the men grabbed you and pinned you against the wall. Their cold, grimy hands removing your pants from your body. Slapping and fondling with your cheeks, ready to remove your last layer of protection.

The big man's hand groped your thigh as he stuck his hand down your underwear, tears streaming down your cheeks.

"P-please, hel-" you yelped out before a seeming gust of wind whipped past your face; and in an instant, the men were gone.

The daunting nightmare you were living in all disappeared.

"W-what was that?" you thought to yourself before a tall blue figure slowly descended to the ground.

"You really shouldn't be here, Y/N. There's dangerous people that might hurt you" Clark said, the slightest bit of sarcasm in his voice.

You rolled your eyes as the man nonchalantly stood there.

"Oh not even a thank you, Y/N? Come on!" he scoffed, crossing his arms.

"Thank you, Clark" you said, trying to walk out of the alleyway before a large hand strongly gripped your waist.

"I think I deserve a bigger apology, Y/N. I saved your life you know?" he whispered, his face practically inches away from yours now.

"W-what do you want from me? Are you gonna mug me too?" You tried to squirm out of his grip, your efforts completely useless against his otherworldly strength.

Your crystal blue eyes sunk into his before he connected his smooth pink lips onto yours. The atmosphere around you completely changed as the warm and tender feeling of absolute love filled the air.

He softly grabbed the back of your neck, stroking your hair as he caressed your soft, black hair. You were so in love. Delicate butterflies swarmed your stomach as the most powerful being on Earth, was passionately kissing you.

Minutes passed by, seemingly hours, nothing could ever separate you two. He pulled out, making you whine, desperate to feel the man again.

"Let's go home, baby" he kindly gestured, grabbing your waist before flying back to the city, you, completely safe and secure in his grip.

But little did you know that you and Clark had a small audience present at your love filled show. Steve

Absolute anger and envy consumed his body as he stood there, hidden behind a mailbox. Tears jerked from his eyes as his new best friend was kissing the love of his life.

"Damn it! DAMN IT!" he yelled out, kicking a trash can next to him, completely enraged. But not even Steve was alone, the city was filled with poverty; the people who ended up trapped in the city were left hopeless. Unfortunately their guardian angel never showed up.

Steve was a mess. A pit of sorrow planted in his stomach as he walked back to the facility. But a certain woman ran out from the corner, her clothes ragged and dirty.

"P-please help us! I-if you can't take me, please take my baby! I beg you!" she cried, holding up a crying baby to Steve's face.

"Get away from me! You dirty hag!" he screamed, pushing the woman.

Steve's sudden change in attitude left a toll on him; the new Steve wasn't interested in saving people, he just wanted to be with you, forever.

*FLASHFORWARD 30 minutes*

You sat in your bed, still jovial about your little moment with Clark, you really loved him.

*knock*

"Who could it be?" you thought, opening the door.

It was Steve. His angry eyebrows and tall figure scaring you as he walked into your bunk, locking the door.

"Do you know why I'm here, Y/N?"

You gulped, sweat accumulated on your forehead as you stared at the man.

"N-no"

"Why you little-" he scoffed, grabbing your collar, pulling you toward him.

"Listen, you little slut. I know what you and Clark did. Don't think he loves you, Y/N. You really think he does? He just needs a filler because Lois is gone. Don't be stupid, Y/N. You're mine! Alright?" he said, his breath hot and heavy.

Your eyes became pools as the man you trusted, respected, loved, called you a slut. You ran out of your room, your feelings hurt and betrayed. At this point, who could you turn to?

"W-wait! Y/N! Oh Fuck! What have I become?" Steve cried, his hands holding face as the love of his life just ran away from him.

You ran into Clark's bunk, knowing he was the only person you could trust right now, and hugged him.

"Y/N? W-what's wrong baby? I hate to see you cry" he said, caressing your hair.

"I-it's nothing. Steve, he's, upset. I think he saw what we did."

"Steve? Oh you're kidding!" he laughed out.

"I knew he liked you! But I didn't know he liked you, that much. Don't be sad, Y/N. Steve is just, very emotional. His emotions take over his actions and I guess he was just not feeling it. I'm sure he'll apologize, take my word for it" Clark said, hugging you tightly.

Coincidentally, Steve walked into Clark's bunk, a pile of dead flowers in his hand.

"H-hey, Y/N. Sorry about earlier. I, I don't know what came over me, I was just, really, really jealous. If you two are happy together, I shouldn't come in the way of that. I want you to be happy. Please forgive me" he kindly apologized, awkwardly giving you the flowers.

"Aw, thanks Steve. Don't stress it, I guess why you would want me" you giggled, holding the withering flowers.

"Thank you, Y/N" he said, tears falling down his cheeks as he hugged you, his grip firm and tender.

Clark watched as you two made up, a warm smile drawn on his face as happiness filled the air.

*FLASHFORWARD 2 weeks*

Things couldn't have been better between you three. You weren't necessarily dating but, you were hopelessly in love with the two men.

"Hey, Y/N! You wanna come help me serve dinner?" Steve said, gesturing his hand to you.

You walked over to the kitchen, the food quality definitely improved from back then. Everything was perfect. Even if the majority of the Earth was in ruins, you were in love.

Then it happened.

The ground flipped beneath you and Steve, the walls of the facility crumbling down, debris falling from above.

"Y/N! Y/N! Are you okay?" Steve cried out, searching for you in the midst of all the concrete.

"S-steve! I n-need help!" you groaned, as your skinny body was trapped beneath a large refrigerator.

Steve rushed to your aid, effortlessly prying the fridge off of you, scooping you up before you two ran out of the facility.

The horrors you faced outside were like none before. Whatever ruined the Earth before, was back, and it was back for more.

Everything was being sucked in. All the last remnants of Earth being eaten by this demonic force.

Steve tightly held onto you, not wanting to be separated. Your screams broke his heart as the world was nearing an end.

"Y/N!" Clark yelled, flying down from the sky, holding onto you and Steve.

"Y/N! We can't hold on much longer! We have to help the other people! We, we love you, Y/N!" they cried, before letting go of you. However safe you felt earlier, was all gone as they let go of you.

"Clark! Steve! Where are you guys! Please! Answer me!" you yelled, trying to find the two men, running around the destroyed facility.

You've been through plenty of trauma; you already witnessed the first end of the Earth but nothing was quite like this.

Your eyes looked up as the ambiguous image of the sky filled your eyes.

That's when you saw it

It was Clark and Steve. Their bodies were being hopelessly sucked into the primordial force, their efforts to fight back, completely useless.

"Y/N! We, we love you!" they yelled, before their bodies were sucked into the abyss.

"Why should I live?"

"What did I do to deserve this?"

Thoughts that filled your head as you fell to your knees. Your heart shattered into countless pieces as you just witnessed the death of the only two people you loved.

Love is bittersweet. It's good while it lasts, but, when it's gone, it hurts.

You hurt

THE END

[conejita-canelita]

Sorry but one of the dumbest things I see fans get excited about is when they say how “iconic” Portia was for not abandoning her daughters to fuck off to the Americas with Cousin Jack as if it’s not the bare minimum for a mother to actually care for her kids, an expectation so low that the bar is in hell. Portia is a complex female character and I could write essays on how Portia is a very realistic and raw portrayal as a woman who is the product of her environment and a dysfunctional mother. I love that about her characterization and I think the dynamic between her relationship with Penelope is a great execution of that. But my issue with interpretations of her character comes when people take her complexities and pass them off as some sort of “girlboss”-isms when the point of showing the things that Portia does and thinks is to show how a lot of the time the people we love (in this case a mother) can and do hurt us deeply, and we can acknowledge that while also not excusing the pain they cause us. Violet and Portia are supposed to be foils of one another: a story of how tragedy, trauma, and circumstance affects each woman and her relationship to her kids, but different in how they deal with that. Where Violet is able to recognize and adapt herself to what it is each of her kids need (violet is also able to validate, take accountability, and apologize for the pain she caused when Edmund passed), Portia on the other hand is entirely ignorant of this at best and at worst actively dismissive of it.

Portia so often fails to adapt to provide what it is Penelope, her most sensitive daughter, actually needs from her. At her worst, she belittles and demeans her daughter for who she is at her core and it is so cruel and heartbreaking to watch. Even with her daughter at her happiest (engaged to the love of her life) Portia is still unable to do the bare minimum (keep her mouth shut) and finds ways to drag her daughter down. That’s why Penelope snapping at Portia by ep.4 is so sad to watch: it’s Penelope’s last straw, her last cry out in holding out any hope for a relationship with her mother that is meaningful and fulfilling to her.

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 40 – Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin

Okay, 40th book of the year! And yes I’m going to be smug about that, no matter how pathetically it pales in comparison to some of the rest of you. To commemorate the occasion I decided to acquire some actual Culture of the kind I can talk about reading to older relatives and have them nod approvingly. I’d say I wish this had been assigned in some English class I took, but honestly I’d have just ended up skimming and using sparknotes and generally ruined it for myself.

Baldwin, as it turns out, really does live up to the hype. This book was absolutely sublime. I feel like it’s going to be impossible to be fair to whatever I read next.

The book follows David, an American expat in late ‘50s Paris. Specifically, a queer man with truly apocalyptic levels of internalized homophobia and lack of self-awareness spending his late 20s valiantly pretending not to be gay while contriving every possible excuse not to go back to his father and the rest of his life in America. The book takes place while his girlfriend is taking an extended vacation in Spain deciding whether she wants to marry him, and he meets Giovanni, a gorgeous Italian man who’d left his village and ended up in Paris under unclear circumstance, while he’s working at a gay bar David views with visceral contempt even as he visits it. They have a passionate romance, and unsurprisingly it all falls apart in a mess of a tragedy that ruins just about everyone involved (Giovanni most of all).

This was the most beautiful thing I’ve read all year. I’m not even sure it’s particularly close. Every single page had a line or two of incidental narration or dialogue that struck me enough to want to save it – I’d given up trying to note them all by the end of the first chapter. The narration has the sort of elevated, literary quality where everyone is two or three times more eloquent and articulate than they really should be, but when the things they say are so lovely it’s hard to mind that minor offence against verisimilitude – the constant peppering of French into everyone’s dialogue is honestly much more of an annoyance, if only because it keeps making me wonder what language all the other dialogue among these French Parisians is supposed to be in. The exact details of their speech (and tendency to monologue about the details of their psychology) aside, just about every character felt really, achingly real, all broken by the world in one way or another and dealing with it with whatever self-destructive coping mechanisms they have to call their own. Insert your favourite Richard Silken quote here.

Tangentially to the actual content of the book; I of course know Baldwin was one of the canonical Great Authors of the 20th century (I knew this before I knew literally any other fact about him), but my god does the edition I have of the book lay it on thick. There’s a 17-page forward that seemed to be an incredibly dryly written English essay talking about his influences and the role of Paris in American literature and etc (I skimmed the first few pages and skipped the rest, as is my habit with forwards by people who had nothing to do with actually creating the book and whose name I don’t recognize), followed by several more pages of a timeline of the authors life. I swear it’s like they’re trying to make reading this seem as much like homework as possible.

Even more tangentially; I was aware that Baldwin was gay, before reading this, and more vaguely aware that some of his work explored this. But I was expecting more, like, Great Gatsby-plus levels of subtext, not just explicit and unsanitized portrayals being the focus of the entire book. That came out in ‘59! Not exactly an obscure or reviled one either. I feel like I could go back and retroactively give myself permission to sneer and roll my eyes at a lot of ‘grounbreaking queer representation’ now. (This is a sign I have spent altogether too much of my life reading discourse on tumblr and tiwtter).

Trying to talk about the themes of Giovanni’s Room is probably just wasted effort – spend five minutes and I’m sure you can find an extensively researched essay by someone whose devoted years of their life to the subject. But it did really strike me how, like, fundamentally inegalitarian the book’s vision of romance is? Aside from David and Giovanni themselves I mean (and even then, David’s internalized homophobia expressed itself in large part through a terror and resentment of being made the woman (domestic homemaker) to Giovanni’s man (breadwinner)). David and Hella’s relationship is just drowning in ‘50s patriarchy, of course, with the future they sketch out for themselves both baldly hierarchical and just incredibly bleak, and David’s parents and upbringing aren’t exactly inspirational reading either. But Paris’ gay underground isn’t exactly portrayed as a liberated and welcoming space – it’s disgusting older men blatantly exploiting and being exploited by desperate younger ones, everyone involved pretending they don’t know what they’re doing and hating themselves and each other for it. All just incredibly unsentimental and anti-romantic.

David as a character and as a narrator really was fascinating, too. In that he’s such a fucking mess with zero awareness of his emotions who keeps making everything worse and seems to almost cause as much heartache for everyone around him as he possibly could. If he wasn’t the protagonist he’d be the most loathsome character in the book, or at least close to it. Was great.

Though one thing that really does drive home how historical the setting is is just how coincidental so many social meetings are. The cast is largely a bunch of bohemians and vagabonds and expatriates without real fixed addresses, and so much of their interaction revolves around just happening to run into each other as they frequent some of the same locales. Which, like, yes, that is just how socializing worked for most people until a historical ten minutes ago, but still very alien to me, someone with an electronic correspondence planning and scheduling ~90% of social things I’ve done since I left school.

Anyway yes, this isn’t an easy read – most emotional and heartwrenching thing I’ve read all year by far, and the only thing last year I can really think of that might beat it is the final chapters of The Making of the Atomic Bomb – but it really is a beautiful one. Five stars.

[nordleuchten]

Ah, Tumblr. Why would they hide my question from you🥲? Here is the rather long question that I wanted to ask.

I've been wondering about Lafayette's interactions with his in-laws—not the Noailles, but his children's. What did he think about his sons-in-law? Did they get along? How did the marriages take place, or anything related to them?

I'm currently in the very long process of writing a novel about Adrienne, now entering the French Revolution, still having a long way to go before any of the Lafayette kids get married. But my God, the French Revolution is stressful as hell to write☹️. I just want my girl to get some rest… And so, I guess I just want to skip ahead to the lighthearted part. While Adrienne’s thoughts and interactions are pretty much all in Virginie’s book, and maybe some in her sister’s memoirs, Mister Lafayette’s is a bit confusing for me because he has so much information from all different sources. (Which brings me to my next question: What book do you recommend for referencing information about Gilbert? It’s too stressful to always go from one source to another for him.😭)

The information on this blog has been immensely helpful! I would have been lost as to where to find the sources that I needed. hope you have a good day, and hold on to your historical passion! 👍☺️

Dear @daydream-247,

first of all, that sounds like a very interesting project! When you come around to publishing something, I would absolutely love to read it! And thank you for your kind word, it is always nice to hear that other people can take something away from what I post and are not annoyed by me. :-)

As to the partners of his children, La Fayette had a very good relationship with all of them. I am actually quite happy that you asked about that part of the family, since this topic is quite dear to my heart. I think there is not enough talk about that – as it is with so many things in La Fayette’s life that have nothing to do with Revolutions and America. The La Fayette’s and their family and friends were so tight nit, so intimate and loving. La Fayette – and also Adrienne, while she was still alive, loved being grand-parents and in La Fayette’s case later great-grandparents. While their children were able to go their own ways in live, they and their families always remained very close to their parents. The children’s marriages were happy ones – not without personal tragedy of course, but they all weathered the challenges thrown at them. To the best of my knowledge, there were no affairs, mistresses, and betrayals in that generation.

But enough of me being fascinated by family dynamics, lets us get to your question! La Fayette wrote on December 1, 1802 to James Madison:

I Live in an Agreable place, About forty Miles from paris. My Children are With me. Georges Has Married the daughter of Tracy whom Mr. Jefferson Has known in the Constituent Assembly and Who is One of His Warmest Admirers. My Elder daughter is the Wife of Charles La tour Maubourg the Youngest Brother of My Olmutz Companion and Has two Lovely Little Girls. My daughter in Law is Within a few Months to Encrease Our family. Georges is Now at turin Where the 11th Rgt of Huzzards Has its Quarters. Virginia, My Younger daughter, will, I think, Be Married Before Long.

“To James Madison from Lafayette, 1 December 1802,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Madison/02-04-02-0176. [Original source: The Papers of James Madison, Secretary of State Series, vol. 4, 8 October 1802 – 15 May 1803, ed. Mary A. Hackett, J. C. A. Stagg, Jeanne Kerr Cross, Susan Holbrook Perdue, and Ellen J. Barber. Charlottesville: University Press of Virginia, 1998, pp. 166–170.] (01/25/2024)

La Fayette was right concerning Virginie. She married on April 20, 1803. She would probably have married sooner, but La Fayette slipped on the icy pavement that winter and broke his femur close to the hip bone – an injury that is no laughing matter, neither in the 21st nor in the early 19th century. The wedding was postponed, giving La Fayette time to recover.

Let us now have a closer look at the marriages and resulting families of each of Adrienne’s and La Fayette’s children. Anastasie, their oldest surviving child, was the first one to marry. She married Juste-Charles de Faÿ de la Tour-Maubourg. Charles was the younger brother of Marie-Charles-César de Faÿ, comte de la Tour-Maubourg. César was one of La Fayette’s dearest friends. Do you remember this heartbreaking letter La Fayette wrote after Adrienne’s death? That letter was addressed to César, and I have never again seen La Fayette lay his soul and emotions so open – not even in front of Washington.

Charles was for a very, very short time imprisoned as well but quickly freed. After all the prisoners of Olmütz were set free, they settled at Wittmold and were reunited with their respected families. It was there that Anastasie met – or at least fell in love with, Charles. They were married on Mai 8, 1798 in the private chapel in Wittmold by the Abbé Luchet (and oh this blasted certificate of marriage! One day, one day …) They soon started their own family, and it was here that tragedy struck. While both of their twin daughters survived the birth, one died only a few weeks later. Sadly, the little girl is often forgotten and not at all mentioned when La Fayette’s grandchildren are discussed. I will not say much about the grandchildren here in general because firstly, this post would get even longer than it already is (I am so sorry!) and secondly, I have a post in the making going through all of the grandchildren and possible some great-grandchildren – including the ones that died young or were stillborn/miscarried. I feel they should not be left out. Anastasie lost at least two, if not more children and Georges lost at least one daughter. So, different topic for a different post if you do not mind.

What is interesting about Anastasie’s marriage – especially her Noailles relatives appeared to be less than enthusiastic about the match. Anastasie’s aunt, the Marquise de Montague wrote in her own memoirs:

Frau von La Fayette fand die Parthie nicht allein sehr angemessen, sondern auch wie man damals das Recht hatte zu hoffen, sehr vortheilhaft. Der General war von ganzem Herzen damit einverstanden. In Witmold aber schrie man laut dagegen, wie nur das Projekt zur Sprache kam. Herr von Mun behauptete nur bei den Wilden Amerika‘s könne man sich so verheirathen, und Frau von Tessé bestand darauf, man hätte seit Adam und Eva nichts Gleiches gesehen. Die Sarkasmen nüßten Nichts, Frau von La Fayette hielt sich fest, und als Alles unwiderruflich entschieden war, sah man, wie sich die Unzufriedenheit der Frau von Tessé in eine zärtliche und liebenswürdige Sorgsamkeit auflöste.

Marquise of Montague, Anna Pauline Dominika von Noailles, Marquise von Montague – Ein Lebensbild, Münster, Aschendorff, 1871, p. 204.

My translation:

Madame de La Fayette not only thought the match very appropriate, but also, as one had the right to hope at the time, very advantageous. The General was wholeheartedly in favour of it. In Witmold, however, they protested loudly against it as soon as the project was brought up. Mr von Mun [I have no idea who he was] claimed that only among the savages of America one could marry in this way, and Madame de Tessé insisted that nothing like it had been seen since Adam and Eve. The sarcasm was of no avail, Madame La Fayette held her ground, and when everything was irrevocably decided, Mademe de Tessé’s dissatisfaction dissolved into a tender and amiable diligence.

As you see, Adrienne’s and La Fayette’s primary concern was the happiness of their daughter. La Fayette wrote on May 20, 1798 to George Washington:

We Have spent the winter in Holstein, on danish territory, in a Hired Country Seat about Sixty English miles from Hamburgh—My friend Latour Maubourg and His family were with us—we had visits from france and other Countries—(…). Here My eldest daughter Anastasie was Married to Charles Maubourg my friends’ Youngest Brother.

“To George Washington from Lafayette, 20 May 1798,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Washington/06-02-02-0213. [Original source: The Papers of George Washington, Retirement Series, vol. 2, 2 January 1798 – 15 September 1798, ed. W. W. Abbot. Charlottesville: University Press of Virginia, 1998, pp. 282–285.] (01/25/2024)

I am honestly not quite sure what the problem here was. Since the Noailles part of the family voiced their criticism, the problem seems to lay primarily with Charles. The critics very much still belonged to the “arranged-marriage-for the advancement-of-the-family” generation and I suppose that was the issue. The marriage was not arranged and both the La Fayette’s and the La Tour-Maubourg’s were “ruined” during the French Revolution. There was not much for both parties to expect – beside a happy marriage based on mutual love and affection.

La Fayette at once started to include his new son-in-law in his letter:

My wife, my daughters, my Son in law Beg the tender Homage of their Affection, Gratitude and Respect to Be presented to you, my dear General, and to Mrs Washington (…)

“To George Washington from Lafayette, 20 May 1798,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Washington/06-02-02-0213. [Original source: The Papers of George Washington, Retirement Series, vol. 2, 2 January 1798 – 15 September 1798, ed. W. W. Abbot. Charlottesville: University Press of Virginia, 1998, pp. 282–285.] (01/25/2024)

The next one to marry was Georges. He married Françoise Émilie Destutt de Tracy. Just like with his older sister’s husband, there was already a connection between La Fayette and his new in-laws. Émilie’s father, Antoine Louis Claude Destutt de Tracy, was one of La Fayette’s oldest friends. They became friends prior to the French Revolution and both later served in the Chambre des Deputes and had similar political views, they both opposed Napoléon’s rise to power.

Based on his writings alone, Émilie might have been La Fayette’s favourite. He wrote to Thomas Jefferson on January 20, 1802:

My Son Has Returned to His Regiment in Italy—I Expect Him in the Spring, and probably to Marry a Very Amiable daughter to the Senator tracy Whom You Have known as a patriot Member of the Constituent Assembly

“To Thomas Jefferson from Lafayette, 30 January 1802,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Jefferson/01-36-02-0305. [Original source: The Papers of Thomas Jefferson, vol. 36, 1 December 1801–3 March 1802, ed. Barbara B. Oberg. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2009, pp. 480–481.] (01/25/2024)

He reported on November 1, 1802, again to Thomas Jefferson:

With me they Now Are Retired into the State of Rural Life Where I am fixed Among the Comforts of An United Loving family—it Has Been, Encreased, as I Did in time inform You, By the Happy Acquisition of an Amiable Daughter in Law (…)

“To Thomas Jefferson from Lafayette, 1 November 1802,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Jefferson/01-38-02-0551. [Original source: The Papers of Thomas Jefferson, vol. 38, 1 July–12 November 1802, ed. Barbara B. Oberg. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2011, pp. 616–617.] (01/25/2024)

He wrote on August 18, 1800 to his friend Masclet:

My whole family is now collected at this place, where my aunt had been for many years despairing ever to see us. It has been also for me a great satisfaction to present to her my beloved daughter-in-law Emilie Tracy, now the wife of the happy George, and in whom I find every amiable quality my heart could wish for. I intend conducting the young couple back to Auteuil towards the middle of Fructidor, my return there being hastened by the news of the intended journey wherein General Fitzpatrick and Charles Fox are to meet at Paris.

Jules Germain Cloquet, Recollections of the Private Life of General Lafayette, Baldwin and Cradock, London, 1835, p. 110.

Here is what La Fayette wrote about Émilie to Thomas Jefferson on February 21, 1825, right after the death of her mother:

We intend to Come again from Boston to Newyork, Philadelphia, Washington and to pay you a Visit at Monticello Before we Embark By the Middle of August for france Where We Are Recalled, Sooner than We Expected, By the most lamentable death of mde de tracy george’s Mother in law. I Have urged My Son to Return immediately But His generous wife, who is a tender daughter to me, Had on the first moment of the loss, adjured Him not to leave me, and it is a Great Motive for Me to Make as much Haste As We Can With propriety do it.

“To Thomas Jefferson from Marie-Joseph-Paul-Yves-Roch-Gilbert du Motier, marquis de Lafayette, 21 February 1825,” Founders Online, National Archives, https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Jefferson/98-01-02-4986. [This is an Early Access document from The Papers of Thomas Jefferson: Retirement Series. It is not an authoritative final version.] (01/25/2024)

La Fayette wrote much about Émilie and all that he wrote was very positive. What he wrote about his sons-in-law was different – not to say that there was less affection, but it was, at least on paper, expressed differently. Now, why was that? It could be for personal reasons, La Fayette simply “clicked” better with Émilie. It could be because Émilie spend much more time with and around La Fayette than his sons-in-law did. It could be because, by social convention, you would and could write differently about your daughter-in-law then about your sons-in-law. Lastly, and that is just a hunch of mine, Émilie, as a woman, was the one to bear the children. For La Fayette children were definitely in the female domain – not because he necessarily thought that childbirth should be a women’s only purpose but because I think he understood and valued that the birth of a child was the result of a great deal of pain and work on the women’s side and a, while biological important, negatable part on the man’s part. In short, I like to imagine that the thanked and valued Émilie for her hard work in making him a grandfather.

La Fayette addressed and described Émilie as his daughter, he wrote about having “three daughters” (to James Madison, August 28, 1826). While the same sentiment was definitely present in the relationships with his sons-in-law, I think he never put it quite that distinctly to paper. But enough about Émilie, let us move on to the last couple.

As I have already mentioned Virginie married Louis de Lasteyrie du Saillant, Marquis de Lasteyrie on April 20, 1803. I believe that Louis was a nephew of a friend of La Fayette but I would need to check that again. Louis died quite young, aged 46 in 1826 and he was buried on the ground reserved for the La Fayette family on the Picpus Cemetery. He was buried there after Adrienne and before La Fayette.

Things were looking pretty good on the domestic front for La Fayette. Within five years, all of his children were happily married and two of them had already little families of their own. What was probably most important, despite her failing health, Adrienne saw all three of her surviving children marry.

In letters to his friends, particular to Thomas Jefferson, La Fayette never forgot to give updates not only about himself but also about his children and their families. He often asked for them to be remembered to people just like he wanted to be remembered. He gave also updates on the military careers of his sons-in-law. Louis entered the Light Dragoons in 1804, leaving the army as a Colonel. Charles and George often served in closely related positions. They both realized that being attached to La Fayette would make advancement in the army difficult and so both of them left the army eventually. Neither of them seemed to hold any grudges.

That much in “short”. Now, as to books – the unsatisfactory answer is: It depends? Are you looking for a general overview, an overview about a specific topic, a political analyses, a character analysis, something critical, a personal account, something contemporary or something that was written much later, a collection of anecdotes to flesh out La Fayette’s character? There are sources for all of this, but they all serve different purposes.

I hope I could help you out and give you a starting point for your research. A chapter about the love lives of Anastasie, Georges and Virginie could definitely serve as a little cheer-up chapter between the French Revolution and Adrienne’s death – both for the readers and your characters. Happy writing and I hope you have/had a lovely day!

[thoughtfulfangirling]

2024 Reads

Another human invented marker of time has passed moving us from one year to the next. It's a good reason to start over my lists right?! XD 2023's list can be found here! 2024 starts below!

You Made a Fool out of Death with Your Beauty - Awaeke Emezi

Pussypedia: A Comprehensive Guide^ - Zoe Mendelson & Maria Conejo

The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek -Kim Michele Richardson

Meru - S.B. Divya

The Cadaver King and the Country Dentist: A True Story of Injustice in the American South^ by Radley Balko & Tucker Carrington

Watching the Tree: A Chinese Daughter Reflects on Happiness, Tradition, and Spiritual Wisdom^ - Adeline Yen Mah

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous - Ocean Vuong

The Last Days of the Romanovs: Tragedy at Ekaterinburg^ - Helen Rappaport]

Pride and Prejudice* - Jane Austen

Fresh Girl - Jaida Placide

Butts: A Backstory^ - Heather Radke

The Girl Who Chased the Moon - Sarah Addison Allen

The Silent Patient - Alex Michaelides

The Blue Sword - Robin McKinley

In the Heart of the Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex^ - Nathaniel Philbrick

A Wicked War: Polk, Clay, Lincoln and the 1846 U.S. Invasion of Mexico^ - Amy S. Greenberg

This Nonviolent Stuff'll Get You Killed: How Guns Made the Civil Rights Movement Possible^ - Charles E. Cobb Jr.

This Is Your Mind on Plants^ - Michael Pollan

The Silent Patient*~ - Alex Michaelides

Finding Me^ - Viola Davis

Wuthering Heights# - Emily Bronte

Exit Strategy~ - Martha Wells

The Girls Who Went Away:^ The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades before Roe V. Wade - Ann Fessler

Bowling Alone:^ The Collapse and Revival of American Community - Robert D. Putnam

Fugitive Telemetry%~ - Martha Wells

The History of Wales^*% - History Nerds

The War on Everyone^% ~- Robert Evans

Searching for Black Confederates:^ The Civil War's Most Persistent Myth - Kevin M. Levin

The Great Influenza:* The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History [2004] by John M. Barry

Network Effect~ - Martha Wells

Zelda Popkin:^ The Life and Times of an American Jewish Woman Writer - Jeremy D Popkin

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay - Michael Chabon

Medical Apartheid:^ The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present - Harriet A Washington

The Assassination of Fred Hampton:^ How the FBI and the Chicago Police Murdered a Black Panther - Jeffrey Haas

The Death of Vivek Oji - Awaeke Emezi

Mutual Aid:^% Building Solidarity in This Crisis (And the Next) - Dean Spade

Passin' Through - Luis L'Amour

The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store - James McBride

Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro

Histories of the Transgender Child^ - Jules Gill-Peterson

Birdseye: The Adventures of a Curiosu Man^ - Mark Kurlansky

When I Fell from the Sky:^ The True Story of One Woman's Miraculous Survival - Juliane Koepcke

Dear Senthuran:^ A Black Spirit Memoir - Akwaeke Emezi

Emma* by Jane Austen

Lud-in-the-Mist - Hope Mirrlees

Woman:^ The American History of an Idea - Lillian Faderman

System Collapse - Martha Wells

A Dark and Starless Forest - Sarah Hollawell

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love^% - Bell Hooks

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks^ - Rebecca Skloot

Charity and Sylvia: A Same-Sex Marriage in Early America^ -Rachel Hope Cleves

The Gay Revolution: The Story of the Struggle^ - Lillian Faderman

The Woman in Me^ - Brittany Spears

Reclaiming Two-Spirits: Sexuality, Spiritual Renewal & Sovereignty in Native America^ - Gregory Smithers

Being Huemann: An Unrepentant Memoir of Disability Rights Activist^ - Judith Huemann

The Unthinkable: Who Survives When a Disaster Strikes and Why^ - Amanda Ripley

The Writing of the Gods: The Race to Decode the Rosetta Stone^ - Edward Dolnick

Utopia for Realists:^ How We Can Build the Ideal World - Rutger Bregman

The Echo Wife - Sarah Gailey

To Believe in Women:^ What Lesbians Have Done for America - Lillian Faderman

Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon

Tribe:^% On Homecoming and Belonging - Sebastian Junger

Freedom^% - Sebastian Junger

Our Wives Under the Sea - Julia Armfield

Nonviolence: 25 Lessons from the History of a Dangerous Idea% - Mark Kurlansky

Bridehead Revisited# - Evelyn Waugh

The Witch Elm - Tana Frencyh

Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin

HumanKind: A Hopeful History - Rutger Bregman^

Autumn at the Willow River Guesthouse - C.P Ward

From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World Find the Good Death^ - Caitlin Doughty

(last updated 9/19)

Currently reading: On Killing (print), Plain Bad Heroines (print), A Study in Drowning (Audio), Gideon the Ninth (with spouse), and Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell (audio to fall asleep to)

Key: * = Reread ^ = Nonfiction ~ = Read with Empty % = Novella #= Doc book club

My goal for 2024 is for 40% of my reads to be nonfiction. I've had two years within the recent past where I managed 20% of my reads to be nonfiction, so I'm aiming to double that. THIS WILL BE HARD FOR ME! Not because I don't enjoy nonfiction but because I enjoy fiction a lot more and have a lot more practice reading it. Haha Also for me, I am in circles where I'm just going to have more awareness of fictional books that I'm likely to enjoy more so than nonfiction. I'm kind of hoping that this years journey will change that a bit too!

Okay, below the cut I'm putting the nonfiction books on my tbr, most of which I have the lovely people of Tumblr to thank for the recommendations!

1968: The Year that Rocked the World

The Age of Wood; Our Most Useful Material...

The Assassination of Fred Hampton

Behind the Scenes: Or, Thirty Years a Slave and Four Years in the...

Being Human

The Big Oyster: History on the Half Shelf

Birdseye: The Adventures of a Curious Man

Bowling Alone

Brave the Wild: The Untold Story of Two Women Who Mapped...

Butts: A Backstory / Evermore Recommended

The Cadaver Kin and the Country Dentist / Automatuck9

Charity and Sylvia: A Same-Sex Marriage in Early America

Dancing in the Glory of Monsters: The Collapse...

Dear Senthuran

DisneyWar

Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with...

Finding Me (Viola Davis)

The Five: The Untold Lives of the Women Killed...

The Food of a Younger Land

The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women...

The Glass Universe

The Great Hunger: The Story of the Famine...

The Great Influenza

Helping Her Get Free: A Guide for Families and Friends of an Abused Woman

The History of Ireland

The History of Scotland

The History of Wales

How to Hide an Empire: A History of the Greater United States

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

The Indifferent Stars Above

In the Heart of the Sea / ecouterbien

In the Wake of the Plague: The Black Death...

The Last Days of the Romanovs / Automatuck9

Manhunt: The 12-Day Chase for Lincoln's Killer

Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical...

Mutual Aid: Building Solidarity During the Crisis...

A New World Begins

Nonviolence: The History of a Dangerous...

This Nonviolent Stuff'll Get you Killed / Empty

Radium Girls

The Road to Jonestown

Paper: Paging through History

People's Temple

Pussypedia / Bookstagram Rec

Salt: A World History

Say Nothing

Sea Biscuit: An American legend

Searching for Black Confederates

This is Your Mind on Plants

Unmasking Autism

The Unthinkable: Who Survives when Disaster Strikes - And Why

Watching the Tree / found all by my little self

We Wish to Inform You that Tomorrow we Will be Killed...

A Wicked War: Polk, Clay, Lincoln and the.. / Rose

The Writing of the Gods: The Race to Decode the Rosetta...

I will actually add to this list as I get more recs and whatnot. And I still have some coming which I ordered from Thriftbooks. Once those are here, I'll add those. I'm a little sad there aren't more memoirs, but there's plenty of time for that yet! This is already 37 books, and given lately I've been reading about 70 (nonfiction may slow me down tho), these should give me plenty of ability to reach my 40% goal. Now it's just a matter of if I do it XD

[luciusspriggss]

listen, this is a whole other level of upset i have experienced when it comes to being disappointed and confused.

to me it felt obvious that something was wrong. i have only felt this way in my NIGHTMARES

where i feel lulled into safety and then completely thrown around, back to safety, and then it gets even worse

there were things i liked and things i did not like

the call-backs were TOO on the nose

why did jamie and roy turn into teenagers fighting over a crush? where is the roy that needed to tell keeley she is a boss ass bitch and to never let anyone make her feel any different? where is the jamie who was so sad and apologetic about the leak?

why did nothing get wrapped up for sam??? oh he is playing on the nigerian team? cool? HOW???? with a billionaire actively against him? what happened to the restaurant????? what happened to the CHEF at the restaurant???

what the fuck is up with trent?????? where were ted and trent's heart to heart??? i refuse to believe that the only criticism ted has is to change the name because...what??? ted is the reason for everything??? his hardwork??? the impact he made?????? he cultivated an amazing environment full of trust, honesty, and connection?? i just...where is the trent crimm monologue regarding the last chapter???

WHY IS TRENT ALONE in the end??? it seems like he was longing for connection and to be accepted as he is, to be part of a family, and he is ALONE?

we NEVER find out the boat guy's name????

rebecca finally understand the psychic's predictions about how richmond is her home and her family??? how she is a mother to everyone at the club?????

and then throw that all away to be like "haha just kidding it was actually about boat guy and his kid"

i just....everything feels disjointed

everything feels off

so much so i don't even believe it was just a dream on the plane, i feel like this whole episode was a nightmare scenario

and i acknowledge that part of me feels this way because of how i project my personal issues onto this show, it just...doesnt feel right

ted is with his son. his wife is there, who knows if they are together. but what we do know, is that ted is alone with no support network

ted is back to america, which isn't a great place (especially in kansas no offense), we never hear ted explain WHY he can't bring his family to london. we never see henry show any remorse or sadness for ted being at richmond?

be a goldfish???

okay so forget all the love and support you built and carry on in life with people who think you are "too much" and that you need to be more quiet and palatable for people to accept you back home???

all i see happening with this ending, and no resolution whatsoever, is ted becoming incredibly depressed

and eventually committing suicide, just like his dad

i'm sorry but resorting your happiness only to being a good father, is not fair to the kid

the ending is a tragedy to me

i genuinely have no idea what the fuck is going on

[jolivira]

DW POSITIVITY DRIVE

in case you havent seen it, theres this initiative going around by taka to share stuff we love about doctor who!

so heres my list of stuff, in no particular order:

thasmin

I could write for hours about how important thasmin is to me but to spare all of you I wanted to focus on how the ship happened on the show, how chibbs, mandip and jodie saw our love for the characters and how much we related to them and decided to make it happen for us! and ended up gaving us one of the most beautiful wlw storylines ever

series 5

the whole crack in the wall plot is so well written and so mysterious and fun, honestly for me s5 is a capsule of everything good in doctor who! I loooove the fairytale/peter pan storyline sprinkled through amy's character, the humour, the episodes, river coming back, thE VAN GOGH EPISODE????

the van gogh episode

(I thought it deserved its own topic thingy because its that good)

PRAXEUS

its such a good episode, the visuals are stunning, the character parallels are great, the humour is good, it has so many iconic lines ("did she say brains" "thats why you smell like a dead bird" "Im a sucker for a scientist"), DID I MENTION BRAZILIAN QUEEN GABRIELA SPEAKING PORTUGUESE, the episode also takes advantage of the tardis potential and we go to new places outside europe/north america, gay kiss, its just such a good episodeeeeeee

him

missy what a beautifully complex character... sillyness combined with terrifying seriousness, danger, unpredictability and tragedy, with a potential for good just under the surface. basically I really like her and I will defend her to the end of times

yasmin khan god where do I even start. I think yaz has one of the most beautiful character arcs Ive ever seen, subtle and gentle, just like her. yaz is a character that at first glance people dont really get, and youre not supposed to, slowly she grows inside of you, opens up and develops. her journey from struggling with bullying and mental health issues, to desperately looking for something important to do and then meeting the doctor, falling in love with her, repressing her feelings to then finally come to terms with it and love her life like she never thought possible before (I need to stop here otherwise Im gonna bawl my eyes out) ((but you get the gist))

just any time the doctor speaks/pretends to speak with animals, aliens that dont speak english or babies, thats my shit right there

coatless 13 in the magenta shirt (I love her so much)

anytime the doctor Fixes or Builds Things and they are surrounded with steampunk tools and helmets and shit, like yes little nerd go make something explode

this one is a bit of a cheat cause its not about the show itself! but I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who creates stuff as well as supports stuff being made here in the fandom! in special I wanted to thank fanfic writers yall are fucking incredible and those masterpieces have helped me a ton, they also truly inspire me, so yeah keep on being amazing!!

I think that's all for now at least, and if you reached the end of this enormous post make sure to make your own, go go go!

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (21-27 Jul 2024)

it is objectively 50% more hilarious when alex comes for someone's neck. them deciding to kick izzy's character when she was down was *chef's kiss*

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🙂 Look sometimes you just wanna spend a hot Sunday reading porny omegaverse crack. The heart (or whatever organ) wants what the heart wants. I went thru 3 Lacey Daize KU offerings (all novellas): Team's Omega (Gimme MMMMMore #1) [15K] & Neighbors' Omega (Gimme MMMMMore #2) [18K], both porny omegaverse poly crack and Breedable Boys from Outer Space [20K] which honestly? not enough breeding of Boys from Outer Space! like, girl, we're here for one thing!

🥰 (i'll keep) my tongue behind my teeth (greatunironic) - 40K steddie modern AU where they both move back to Hawkins for their 2nd acts in life - REALLY LOVED THIS - loved the backstories! loved the supporting characters esp Heather (hilarious). You can see the miscommunication/angst coming but it's so right for the character I wasn't mad about it! (miscommunication done badly is one of my personal bugbears). The reconciliation was equally believable. And the sex was super hot: visceral, wet, messy.

🥰 from love, obviously (bizarrestars) - 52K drarry - very funny, great characterizations, stayed up too late to finish which is always a compliment to a fic

😊 The Queen of Poisons (The Marlow Murder Club #3) (Robert Thorogood, author; Nicolette McKenzie, narrator) - still loving the characters - I am fully 75% of the way to becoming Judith tbh. didn't love the fatphobia element, even as the text made an attempt to rebuke it. like. just don't. but wasn't enough to spoil the experience entirely.

😍 I'll Light Your Way Home series (BeaArthurPendragon) - 61K, no powers Vietnam era au - just fucking love this series; both characterizations are incredible, their journey together is great -

💖💖 +174K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

Frost Caught Fire On Our Lips (the1918, author; kocuria-arts (kocuria), artist) - MCU: stucky, 7K - short, hot, Bucky works at a diner, Steve comes thru on the regular

in the heat of the summer (you know that you should be my boy) (greatunironic) - Stranger Things: steddie, 17K - LOVED THIS - rockstar Eddie thirsts on main for Olympic swimmer Steve

the valentine experience (greatunironic) - Stranger Things: steddie, 15K - "In which Mike and Eddie have a bet, Steve is the victim of circumstance, and he's not super mad about it."

baby what's the scene? (carbonbased000) - Stranger Things: steddie, 8K - great fic! - "Horny in Indy. 5’11’’, long hair, tats, Top wants bottom, 20-30. Into athletic types, good boys, roleplay, bondage. Tell me your fantasies & let me hurt you just the way you like. Write to: Ed, Box #2177 . Or: Steve responds to a personal ad and has an extremely casual hook-up."

Savage God (LenneWithMilkAndHoney, PottersPink) - MCU: stucky, 36K - absolutely fantastic alt timeline AU where 2014 WS Bucky spends 3 days in 1936 with preserum Steve

Let Me Be Your Good Night (indelicate) - Stranger Things: steddie, 9K - "Or, Steve interrupts Eddie’s hookup and comforts him through a subdrop after. That's how it starts." (OMG they were ROOMMATES)

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Taskmaster - s12, e6-10; s13, e1-2

Make Some Noise - s3, e3

Dropout Presents: Bigger! With Brennan and Izzy

Thousandaires - s1, e5

D20: Never Stop Blowing Up - "Double Death Doggy Style" (s22, e5)

D20: Adventuring Party - "Ziggy Zany Yeah" (s17, e5)

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

99% Invisible - The Power Broker #07: Sec. Pete Buttigieg

Overinvested - Ep. 302: AMC's Interview with the Vampire

Consider This - 'Twister,' 'Twisters' and the actual practice of storm chasing

You're Dead to Me - LGBTQ Life in Weimar Germany

Re: Dracula - July 22: Rough Weather

NPR's Book of the Day - Griffin Dunne's memoir chronicles fame, art and tragedy in his Hollywood upbringing

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Meet the Man Who Sets America’s Living Rooms on Fire

The Sporkful - Cookbooks That Need ‘The Grandma Disclaimer’ (Live)

Imaginary Worlds - Fantasy and Fascism & Fantasy and Fascism Part II: When Democracy Fails

Short Wave - Outer Space Changes You, Literally. Here's What It Does To The Human Body

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Three great karaoke songs

Switched on Pop - Is country the new hip hop?

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - The Arrow Stork

Re: Dracula - July 24: There Will be Some Trouble

Vibe Check - Hold Onto Your Wigs

Short Wave - Dancing Yeti Crabs, Morphing Cuttlefish, Other Stories From The Deep Sea

⭐ Code Switch - The return of the U.S.'s oldest drag king

⭐ It's Been a Minute - 'Cats: The Jellicle Ball' gets 10s across the board

99% Invisible - The 2024 Olympics Spectacular

NPR's Book of the Day - Khushbu Shah's cookbook 'Amrikan' honors the Indian American diaspora

Pop Culture Happy Hour - In The Decameron, the Black Death makes for black comedy

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Our Lives Through Hollywood’s Eyes

Shedunnit - Christianna Brand's Impossible Crimes

You Are Good - Do the Right Thing w. Ify Nwadiwe

Our Opinions Are Correct - Dinosaurs and Furries, with Riley Black

Re: Dracula - July 26: Just Starting for Home

What Next: TBD - Is Silicon Valley Trump-Vance Country?

Dear Prudence - My Brother-In-Law’s Girlfriend Wore A Transparent Dress To My Wedding. Help!

Dear Prudence - Prudie Plus: I Came Home From Errands and My Fiance Got A Dog. Help!

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Deadpool & Wolverine and what's making us happy

It's Been a Minute - Olympic hurdles for women athletes; plus, big trucks and big questions

Today, Explained - Breaking the Olympics

Endless Thread - The American Lean

Re: Dracula - July 27: No News

Hit Parade - The Bridge: Getting Hot in Herre

Re-Creative - Tanya Davis and Dirty Dancing

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Shaun Cassidy Radio • Upbeat

Soft Rock Ballads

Rob Zombie

Rock Sugar

Iron Maiden Radio • Popular • Familiar

Reinas

Old-School Reggaeton

The Go-Go's

The Donnas

[justjudethoughts]

I'm at that stage of life where my small hometown is a little lonely, but in the summers I caretake for a lovely elderly gentleman who was friends with my grandparents. This job has given me a renewed appreciation for the culture of where I grew up, and the values it has instilled in me. So here are things I have learned from growing up in a small midwestern German-Catholic town in America:

• The Importance of the Faith. I grew up in a community where almost everyone I knew was Catholic, and most of them pretty serious Catholics. The church's youth center doubles as an icecream shop, run by youth group kids, so that they have a hang out in town. I grew up getting icecream there all the time, and looking at the pretty pictures of Jesus and Mary on the walls.

• Work ethic.

• Resourcefulness.My grandpa was a farmer. His father was a farmer (during the Great Depression) and his father was a farmer and back and back and back. They didn't waste anything. Even my dad tries really hard not to waste anything. Try to fix something before you throw it away.

• Lending a hand to someone in need. Every family emergency we have had filled out fridge with soups and casseroles. As I kid, I was never worried about getting lost in town because I knew I could find a familiar adult and ask to use their cell phone.

• The importance of remembering loved ones, and where you came from. Visiting the cemetary was a normal childhood experience for me. It was right next to the playground, and Dad would take us and show us our grandma's grave, and then find the REALLY old ones, like our 5x great grandfather who came over from Germany. Every year, my town has a "cemetery walk" where members of the community are remembered and reenacted by one of their descendents. I got to play my great grandmother this summer!

• This one's a little deeper, but your presence changes things. Our town is small, everyone knows everyone. And we can all list the tragedies that happened in the last 25 years. There was a car accident when I was a baby that killed 2 college kids — I can tell you the names of all of the kids in the car. I still think about them, and a lot of other people we've lost, ones I knew and ones I didn't. Because people matter. You are seen, and you are known, even if you don't think you are. Even if you don't live in a small town. People will feel your loss and will think about you and wish you were still here. Even if they never even knew you. Please, please don't leave. Even when you think you don't matter. You do. Please stay.

[reallyhardy]

anyway my mula sa buwan thoughts!!! 🌕

and before i go any further there's one last day to stream today, march 26th 2023! go to mulasabuwan.com/tickets for info!

really loved it! i enjoyed the humour and i thought myke salomon as cyrano was a great charismatic lead, and ofc he had great chemistry with his Real Life Actual Wife ms gab pangilinan as roxane... i really enjoyed the cute 1940s costumes and hairstyles, i also really enjoyed phi palmos' in-drag role as rosanna. i love seeing pinoy theatre champion LGBT performers and characters especially in not making them the butt of a joke (tbh a good contrast to the portrayal of phi palmos' character in ang huling el bimbo musical too, he seemed more like his character WAS the butt of the joke sometimes in that show)

songs good. loved ikaw the most, i'd been really waiting for the full version since they dropped the teasers. i loved the reprises too especially with cyrano+ christian together, beautiful harmonies there, very kilig

when we got to the absolutely crushing emotionally devastating act ii where we get Right In to the horrors of war... fhhfhf very visceral i won't linger on it but let's just say if you know your filipino wartime history they really Went There.

the whole cyrano de bergerac love triangle situation is highkey always frustrating but never more so as when christian is like... kind and likeable AFDHDGHFHD also tbh markki stroem is SO handsome out there on stage with his captain america physique giving full himbo absolutely tearing my heart to shreds!!!!???!!?!!? everything about That Scene after roxane and rosanna meet the soldiers at their camp hahahaha could NOTTTT stop sobbing like from the moment christian has his realisation up until the end of the whole 'at war' scene... 😩😫😭😭

tbh the last couple scenes DID drag a bit but its pretty in keeping with the filipino dramas/tragedies ive ever watched before, they love to really milk the angst. just think maybe we didnt need one longass sad solo from roxane, then, following cyrano's monologue... another sad solo from roxane.

THAT BEING SAID i cannot get ENOUGH of the symbolism of the ghostlight at the beginning and the whole play bookending roxane in the present day like... summoning everyone's ghosts to tell the story, and the final visual of cyrano taking his place on the stage as like this immortalised figure.... very beautiful very powerful i WAS crying again loved it

[bobemajses]

One side of my family is from Lithuania & Ukraine, my mom's grandparents immigrated to the US in the early 20th century. Our last name is common in Jewish communities in south Africa who immigrated from the same part of Lithuania, but unusual anywhere else.

The other side of my family is from Germany and Poland. We actually received a letter from the descendants of the people who brought my grandfather's family food and supplies in the late 1930s so they didn't have to leave the house to run errands. They were the only Jewish family in their village.

The synagogue my grandmother went to as a child escaped being completely destroyed during kristalnacht. We attended the rededication of it several years ago, they still hold services to this day. This side of the family came to the US after WW2.

Hey, I actually have a Jewish friend who was born in South Africa with grandparents from Vilnius. Being largely descendants of Litvak Jewry, South African Jews are a fairly homogeneous group, unlike those of the United States of America.

I think it's very interesting to look at the early Lithuanian migration to South Africa. What caused the Jews to leave to a place so far away, geographically and culturally? Despite the hardships of life in Lithuania the very thought of breaking the bonds of family and community was to the Jews in the 19th century a major tragedy. Contrary to popular belief, these Jews of Lithuania were not ‘wandering’. They hoped to spend a few years in South Africa, save up sufficient for their rehabilitation at home, and go back to the village for which they had a nostalgic longing. In the end, however, the lure of South Africa was too strong for many and they only came back take their families with them.

In common with the rest of the immigrant population during the diamond- and gold-rush period, there were occasionally black sheep among the Lithuanian Jews, men who forgot their families at home, succumbing to the temptations of a new gold-crazy land. As late as 1904 the proportion of males to females among Jews in South Africa was around 26,000 males to 12,000 females. Sometimes a bride would be sent out to a single South African immigrant whom she had not met before.

By 1884 a Hebrew correspondent from the little Lithuanian town of Neustadt-Sugind, was able to report that extensive emigration to South Africa was taking place from the towns and villages of Lithuania. In 1884, there was already a number of Jews who had come back to their homes either on visits or for good from the fabulous South Africa. Many of them, he wrote, "returned to the land of their birth bringing with them sizeable fortunes." He went on to say, in the flowery Hebrew style of the day:

"These migrants gave me mighty and exciting news about South Africa, that it is a land blessed and happy, where nature bestows upon its inhabitants its bounties with a generous hand, and with great and generous abundance. Every man attends to his labours diligently and finds a reward for his toil.

Most of our brethren who come there by the skin of their teeth, naked as on the day of their birth, are being shown mercy by the existing Jewish settlers the moment they put their foot on the shores of Africa. With the help of this generosity they acquire a few pounds’ worth of goods and little trinkets and they begin to trudge round the towns and villages with their merchandise. The natives who own the lands are by nature very human and love everybody. After they (the Jews) save a little sum they turn from peddling on back to trading on a bigger scale, travelling in wagons drawn by ten oxen, from place to place and from village to village. They buy ostrich feathers, sheep and cattle."

Last image: Oudtshoorn, the ostrich capital was known to the Jews of Lithuania as “the Jerusalem of Africa”. The road leading there was nicknamed Der Yiddishe Gass.

[septembersghost]

Folie a deux!

my favorite lyric: DIFFICULT actually, but i forever have strong feelings about: so boycott love/detox just to retox/and i'd promise you anything for another shot at life/and perfect boys with their perfect lives/nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy. also: i wanna scream "i love you" from the top of my lungs/but i'm afraid that someone else will hear me

my favorite song: i have love that cannot be explained for she's my winona and tiffany blews, but it still might be disloyal order of water buffaloes. the whole record though! the whole thiiiiiing

the song that makes me cry: what a catch, donnie

the song that’s a fucking bop: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK AS LONG AS IT'S ABOUT ME THE BEST OF US CAN FIND HAPPINESS IN MISERY

the song i most dislike/least love: hmmm, america's suitehearts maybe? but it's another case of it's still a great song and i never skip it, because folie is skipless!

honorable mention to pavlove too because it's a not as well known bonus track, but i love it so much. i'm the invisible man who can't stop staring at the mirror!

[morethanafanstuff]

Red Dead Redemption 3 - My thoughts no one cares about, but I want to share them anyway

Playing once again Red Dead Redemption 2, my hope for a third game remains strong and with high hopes. Having no one to talk about, I will post my thoughts here, where probably no one reads it, no one cares about, but yet here I am. If there actually is someone who reads this, beware of spoilers, because this post will include them. Red Dead Redemption 2 is one of my favorite games ever, if not THE favorite game of mine. I love it deeply and in my eyes Arthur is truly the best written, most perfect male protagonist of any game ever created. Yes. I said that. And I stick to it. Now the game also gave us some opportunities for a third game. So I just want to share these options here. Sadie Adler I think Sadie is one of the characters that is perfectly set up for both a sequel and a prequel. I personally love her character, her writing. Though we have some idea how Sadies life was before she was rescued by Dutchs gang, there is still some potential for a prequel to be told. How she got this life far up in the Grizzlies, if there might be more to the conflict with the O'Driscolls. We did not get to see her life with her husband that she truly loved, so his dead is the perfect tragedy for a game like this. On the other hand, the epiloge of RDR2 set up a new story for her in South America. It would not only give us a complete new map to discover, the writers would have some freedom here for a story. But also there is a chance that her past with the Van Der Linde Gang plays a role, since she is one of the very few left alive. It could even play simultaneously to RDR1, which would make sense, since the wild west is also still at it end in this one. I think there is potential for her here.

Hosea Matthews There is no need to say what a great man Hosea is. Is there actually anyone who hates him? Of course this is only possible as prequel to RDR2. They could tell the story more in-depth on how he met Dutch, how the gang formed, lastly until we reached the Blackwater heist. In that case the story would follow him over many years, but imagine if we get even more background on how they met everyone, seeing them form and care as a gang. Based on the ending of RDR2 it'd be heartbreaking. If they follow the epiloge scheme we could play as Arthur again, just like we played John at the end of RDR2. Maybe during the journey to the Grizzlies, but I guess that wouldn't make much sense, since Hosea is alive during this time. Jenny I think this might be a very far reach, but her me out. We don't know a lot about her. We only know that she was a young woman that got shot during the Blackwater heist. And since the main character died in both games, wouldn't that be something to build a story on? Because we don't have full details on her death there is a lot to build around. Maybe her dead helped to let Arthur escape? Maybe just like Arthur with John, this was her redemption. Saving Arthur by taking a bullet. I know that in this case is not mentioned by Arthur in RDR2, but Arthur isn't even mentioned in the first game - obviously, since he was not a fully written character there. So this could work here, too. I honestly think this could be a good story. We could see how she went from a maybe innocent woman to an outlaw. The same goes for the Callander Brothers, who also died during Blackwater. But I am not sure about them since Charles viewed them as bad, which says a lot in a group of outlaws. Again, they could give us a chance to play Arthur in the epiloge, which would make sense here. Since Jenny would die at the end of the game, it'd follow the same scheme. Dutch Okay. So this is actually one I like the very least. Eventhough it might make sense. Experiencing his story would give us some more insight on the leader of the Van der Linde Gang. But truly I personally do not really like him and rather view him as an antagonist of the series. I am not sure if that is an unpopular opinion, but I do not like him due to his behavior towards the end. Dutch is an opportunist. He takes every opportunity to at first save his gang, but at the end his own ass. I lost respect for him and I don't think a game focused on him would change that. Of course he does not have bad qualities only. He surely is honest. I don't think he ever lied about loving Arthur as a son. But the one thing he loves more than Arthur is himself. The one thing he loves more than anyone is himself. He asks for loyality, but is not loyal to his people. He is not truly evil, but I can't see him as a protagonist of a game, but I see why some people might. Bus there is no place for a redemption arc for him in my eyes. Jack Marston I only include him, because I think people might think this is the most obvious option. For me, I don't see it, but this is only due to preference. We know that he got his revenge for John and it might not be without consequences. But giving the time Jack is a grown up man, the game would be set after the wild west is over and most likely during one of the World Wars. And for the Red Dead Redemption series I personally can't see the game working during times like these. I also think it would lose the heart of the game. I don't think we need another game set during one of the wars.

A new story Not sure if I want to leave the story of the Van der Linde Gang, or at least one of the members. But it could work. Maybe set during the peak of the wild west with a new gang, new people and so one. Maybe even as a leader of your own outlaw gang, simply something completly new that plays simultaneously to our beloved Gang. So, I know Charles might be an option. We know that Charley went to Canada to find a wife and build a family. I personally find this to be a good ending of his story. He deserves this. So I am not including him here.

So those are some options that I can think of. Some might be far fetched, but I hope in some way they sound logical. I would say add your own ideas, so I can read them, but honestly I doubt someone read this far. If someone did, thank you.

[creativefya]

THE CREATIVE URGE : Mental Health & Creativity

CREATIVES JOHN COLTRANE & ALEXANDER BOYCE

JOHN COLTRANE. John Coltrane is a famous jazz musician noted to be a genius. His works are transcendental and mind blowing to those that dare to explore and are considered to be critics of fine art. John passed away at the early age of 40 due to cancer, but his known alcoholism and heroin addiction affected not only his health, but his personal spiritual beliefs, endeavors and relationships. Some or perhaps most people feel that the psychotropic drug use was what enhanced his creative expression, but he definitely displayed mental health issues including impulsive neurotic behaviors and practicing nonstop. His character type is coined to be an obsessive creative.

Coltrane did quit heroin cold turkey, and later said he had heard the voice of God during his brutal withdrawal. “I experienced, by the grace of God, a spiritual awakening which was to lead me to a richer, fuller, more productive life,” Coltrane said in the liner notes of A Love Supreme. He went on to create even his album Giant Steps and more of America's finest art form.

Coltrane expressed his virtue of creativity in a letter that “Innovators always seek to revitalize, extend and reconstruct the status quo in their given fields… Quite often they are the rejects, outcasts, sub-citizens, etc. of the very societies to which they bring so much sustenance. Often they are people who endure great personal tragedy in their lives. Whatever the case, whether accepted or rejected, rich or poor, they are forever guided by that great and eternal constant — the creative urge.” Coltrane has gained followers after his death and is declared a saint. The Saint John Coltrane Global Spiritual Community holds A Love Supreme Meditation each month.

ALEXANDER BOYCE. Another current visual artist, by the name Alexander Boyce of Harlem, just woke up one day and decided to paint. A musician, and former leader of a band, Boyce now creates art and fashion accessories for people who love art and want to make a statement. His IG profile reveals a Puff N Paint art therapy event. Boyce answered my DM and told me that weed is in fact legal in NY and that in those art therapy sessions they smoke weed, and paint self portraits, and then examine how they see themselves based on the work. The psychotropic drug enhances the activity and artistic creative experience. It is most common to see Sip N Paint but due to legal allowances other drugs can and will receive welcome with creative/artistic experiences that prove to be therapeutic.

Boyce’s purpose is to unfold the feelings of self hate and inferiority imagery has inflicted on black people. His mission is feel good art that makes people happy, on everything and everywhere. Boyce found interest in art as a high school student and now gives his influence to Basquiat, Picasso, and Big Daddy Kane. Not sure what mental health change occurred but Boyce, literally woke up with the urge to paint, so he picked up his son’s little paint set and started painting. Notable changes occurred in his mind. His vision experienced a transformation as well, he went from seeing lines and shapes to seeing light and shade. Before that day, Boyce spent a lot of time composing jingles and music for reality t.v. Now his mind had a hunger for painting, and he spent most of his time doing so. He became fascinated with faces, and would stare at people in passing, realizing the beauty in each difference. This wild awakening was unlike anything Boyce had ever experienced and it led him to become more aware of others and himself. For Boyce painting is like music, it is about feelings.

CREATIVITY & EMOTION. There are many mental health benefits to being creative or participating in creative activities. Participation can include just enjoying fine art events. After experiencing trauma, artistic and creative activities can help us to relieve stress, release anger, lessen shame and deal with depression. According to the Collins dictionary a creative is defined as a person who has the ability to invent and develop original ideas, especially in the arts. Urge is defined as a strong wish or desire to do or have something. Emotions play a pivotal point in the development or advancement of our day to day activities. Those emotions, negative or positive impact the creative urge to explore. The main personality type associated with creativity is openness to experience.

Emotional traits of our personality have creative impact. Having an extroverted personality will enhance these experiences but all personality types will benefit from creativity in the arts. Emotional traits can also impact the type of domains creatives choose to partake. The domains of music and visual arts are linked to people high in neuroticism. Musicians, especially jazz performers tend to have a lot of ambiguity, which makes a lot of sense because jazz is based on a lot of improvisation. (Prof Rodriguez) Their traits, along with visual artists; are less likely to be emotionally stable (Fiest, 1998).

Arts therapy is finding a creative outlet for our trauma in a safe space for emotional expression. The long-standing view in psychology is that positive emotions are conducive to creativity because they broaden the mind.(Harvard Business Review 2015) Emotions can be traits or states of being. The creative process is fueled by our emotions.(Prof Rodriguez) Creative process flows of motivation, domain, idea generation, roadblocks, and product.

The creative urge can inspire creatives to find solutions in frustrating situations. Having the creative urge to do something and create something novel provides motivational intensity to produce art. Motivational intensity is playing an instrument like John Coltrane, or painting like Alexander Boyce. Both artists used their emotions to express. The art they provide is therapeutic for the artist and those that experience it. Coltrane about his music said "the emotional reaction is all that matters." They are two creatives that light the fire of their own creative urges.

CREATIVITY & MENTAL ILLNESS. Creativity is beneficial but has been linked to mental illness. Through time Plato and Aristotle described the creative genius as mad. Freud thought creativity was driven by repressed desires. In our time, humanists deem creativity as a pinnacle of healthy human psychology. During the romantic era, people believed that “madness” could free the imagination from constraints of conformity. As a result it was actually pretty popular for intellectuals and creatives to show signs of mental illness. (Prof Rodriguez)

Studies suggest that there is some elevated risk for mood disorders and highly creative people. One serious mental mood disorder is Schizophrenia, in which people interpret reality abnormally. People high in this trait do not progress well as creatives, but studies show that perhaps inheriting part, but not all of this genotype may be beneficial to creativity. This personality type called Schizotypy, are often described as odd or eccentric and usually have few, if any, close relationships. Negative effects of this type have a diminished ability to produce, but positive schizotypy adds something unique or weird to their behavior that make them stand out as creative. People high in schizotypy tend to score higher on creative tests, vs people clinically diagnosed with schizophrenia that score low. (Prof Rodriguez)

New evidence points out that only normal range differences in mood and perception may have some benefit to creativity, but not full blown mental illness. It is always best to keep a healthy body and mind for the creative urge. Coltrane is called a genius and his name is more recognizable not only to the arts community but the psychology community as well. Coltrane practiced nonstop but his openness to experience led him to be an icon. His creative urge was so strong it feels like you're baptized with the holy ghost when you get hit with his sound. The artist Alexander Boyce just woke up one day and something changed in his mind, he became obsessed with painting all of a sudden. He literally woke up with an urge. The creative urge.

CREATIVITY & SUBSTANCE USE. Substance use has an effect on mental capacity and creativity. Research has found that some use can actually enhance our creativity and openness to experience. Over 80% of the population uses some type of psychotropic drug. Caffeine being the most widely consumed psychotropic drug in the world with 85% of adults consuming at least one caffeinated drink daily. (Zebelina & Sylvia 2020 ) Other common drugs used by creatives and the general population include alcohol, marijuana, and hallucinogens. The substances can decenter the artist while offering new and unique perspectives that facilitate creativity but their ill effects must be balanced in the exchange.(Prof Rodriguez)

There is a greater prevalence of alcoholism among creatives. Full blown alcoholism will not result in creativity, but usage can be related to trauma and self expression. Experimental studies have found that low doses of alcohol enhance idea generation and insight. Positive beliefs about alcohol and creativity make it normal to find alcohol within the creative community. Musicians are mostly performing at events that serve alcohol, and it is more popular to attend a Sip N Paint event where you drink alcohol, listen to music and paint. Marijuana use is related to openness to experience, the main personality exhibited by creatives, but negative effects can occur on long term users.

The process of creating music, art, or literature, could be so cognitively demanding that artists may seek to dissociate from reality as a way to release stress, not as a tool for their art.(Neurology Live) The psychotropic substances shift their typical frame of mind towards a creative product. Alcohol, and drugs are used by creatives like musicians and painters to alter their state of consciousness. Ways to counter using drugs and decenter from the cultural norm include meditating, or exercise as a way to alter the state of consciousness and develop the creative process.

Holistically, alcoholism and drugs can be detrimental to your health, and it is always best to avoid anything that can lead to addiction and inhibit the creative process. Overall healthy individuals have the highest capacity for creativity.(Prof Rodriguez) Musician John Coltrane quit his addiction to heroin, and found his creative process to be liberating through meditations, prayers, and awakenings. Artist Alexander Boyce uses a psychotropic drug to enhance his creative experience. Both creatives have found substance not in the usage of drugs but through their own creative urge.

CREATIVITY & HEALING. Both Coltrane and Boyce experienced an awakening and call to the creative urge. The use of psychotropic drugs is common among creatives and can have some mild benefits on the creative process. The many benefits of creative/artistic expression such as playing an instrument like Coltrane or painting like Boyce, help relieve mental health issues. Using art as a therapy can help creatives cope with trauma and serve as creative outlets for others to do the same. As quoted by John Coltrane," I want to be the force for good”, both creatives John and Boyce are using their creative force for good. Both artists relate being rejects, outcasts, sub-citizens, and their artforms serve as advocacy for change. Drug use adds to the stereotypes that artists, creatives or most users face, yet we don’t see much research about the everyday and common use of caffeine which may help with achieving convergent thinking tasks like solving problems. (Zebelina & Slylvia 2002) It's very common to toast or partake in “spirits” or wine at social fine art events. The Puff N Paint event seems like a bold move but the marijuana is used to enhance the arts therapeutic experience. The effects of psychotropic drugs on creativity are still being explored, but as laws change so may stereotypes and the common use for enhancement in the creative process. The virtue and the value of creativity has allowed both artists to improvise and act in innovative & novel ways. Creativity provides healing. People who engage in cultural or fine arts activities have a lower risk of developing chronic pain, dementia and depression.

Creativity provides a better mental and physical outcome no matter the ability. Genuine findings point to the short and long term benefits of creativity.  The creative intensity of Coltrane and Boyce could be a troubled psyche but their push towards creative expression was an urge to heal.  Using art to thrive beyond survival is healing as, Coltrane says, “they are forever guided by that great and eternal constant — the creative urge”.

By: Andria Jones - Psych 365 - Professor Rodriguez   UNCG SPRING 23 -  Psychology of Art, Creativity, & Genius

References 

Chasing John Coltrane’s God Dream From A Love Supreme To “UltraLight Beam” - Okayplayer

Coltrane Church

Creative urge definition and meaning | Collins English Dictionary

Drugs and Creativity: Fact or Fiction?

Meet Alexander Boyce - CanvasRebel Magazine

The Emotions That Make Us More Creative

The Mental Health Benefits of Creativity