#the journey to get this pizza (see: i will eat the leftovers of this one. i will not do that w the frozen ones) was fucking horrendous but

[lovphobic]

first meal of the day at a humble 10pm. #adulting

[silent-raven13]

Quenepas!

(If ya'll never try Quenepas/Mamones/Mamoncillos or in English term Spanish Limes, ya'll are missing out. They are so good! 🤤)

(Warning: Hobie 18 and Miles is 17 and they do a bit of touching. I put a warning bc I know some readers don't like reading high school stuff like this. You been warned.)

"It's amazing my brother was able to find a whole bulk of Quenepas!" Rio smiles widely having one of her favorite fruits in the sink to wash them, "These are amazing healthy snack for you papi!"

Jeff saw the two large boxes of Spanish Limes, "Wow, there's a lot of these things. Are you sure we can finish this?"

"Mi amor, I've been carving for these for the longest." Her small baby bump shows her three month pregnancy. "and they are a way better snack than your donuts."

"You know, not all cops like donuts." Jeff pouts at his wife.

His wife side eye him, "I know you eat at least five of those Dunkin' donuts. You need to start watching what you eat! You're gonna be having another kid and you need to be able get old till you're eighty!" She went to fix her husband's Chief uniform, noticing his tie being off. "You have to be ready for this long journey." She smiles.

"I know. I know. I'll pack some." The middle age man said having to rub his neck, "But will that cancel out a burger?"

"Jeff! How about a salad! Look I already pack your lunch." She handed him, his lunch bag, "The doctor said you need to watch your cholesterol and blood pressure. Less fat, and more greens."

"Awwwe, but is burger Wednesday!"

His wife gave him the death glare that made him shut up real quick. "Okay, Salad Wednesday! I'll eat all this, baby. Love you." He nervously said giving a kiss on the cheek. "Your always right."

"That's what I like to hear!" She smirks widely in approval.

Miles came out of his room being surprised from the boxes of his favorite fruit. "Whoa! Tío brought all these! Yummy!" He happily went over to the clean batches to take one, he first bite around the hard peel then pop the round fruit to suckle on it. "Mmm, so good!"

Quenepas are these green oval balls covered in a thin layer with an orange transparent pulp wrapped around the seed inside. It has a sweet citrus lime taste perfect for the summer, it's refreshing and addicting to eat by its unique flavor. Miles love them so much he tends to eat most of the bag without a thought. It's so delicious that him and his mom always ask their relatives to buy bulks in areas around heavy Puerto Rican/Latinos fruit sellers.

Luckily Miles' uncle was able to find a good deal with two boxes full of Quenepas! Now, he can eat them without worrying about leaving some to his mom. "Mmm, these are so good!" He hops up and down finish suckling the pulp leaving the seed, spitting it out to throw it in the trash.

Rio happily eats one, "These are better than the last bulk. Your tío knows how to pick them. Now, I'ma take some for work. Miles, there's leftovers from last night and pizza from Thursday, okay? If you want to order food tu papà left money on the table."

"Twenty five dollars, right here, son!" Jeff put the cash on the dinning table.

"Okay, thanks dad." Miles smiles being happy he's all alone today. The perfect Saturday, where he can be Spider-man for the day and night just chill.

"Okay, I gotta head to work. See you guys later. Rio take it easy at work. You're pregnant remember." Jeff kisses his wife on the cheek.

"I know. I know." Rio laughs then kisses her husband's cheek. "Bye, mi amor." Then she went over to give Miles hugs and kisses, "Bye, mi vida. Mi bebé!"

"Mamí!" Miles getting his mother's kisses being smothered.

"Be good, okay! Also lock the doors and don't go to the fire escape!"

Miles rolled his eyes. After his parents left, he ate his breakfast and finished his report early. Then he went to spend all day as Spider-man, fighting off some villains here and there. It was a simple day, when he got home he took the twenty five dollars to put in his wallet. If he doesn't order anything with it, his dad let him have it for safe keeping.

The seventeen year old got a bowl of his favorite fruits to enjoy for the night. "Gonna watch some Full Metal Alchemist with some chips, soda and Quenepas!" He happily skips over to his couch and grab his remote to turned on his television to put on his stream. He sips on his soda, "Mmm."

He wore a white tank top with some lime green shorts being barefoot with his hairy legs kicking back and forth. "Mmm, these are so good." He suckles on his favorite fruit.

Unaware of someone coming inside through Miles' fire escape window, with heavy thick combat boots stepping inside with a heavy thud. Miles relax in the living room watching his favorite show and texting Ganke about the episode he finished. "Episode was dope. I'ma try to finish the season tonight."

Ganke texted him with a smiley face. The figure walks carefully not triggering Miles' spidey sense, but his other senses, "Baby, what are you trying to do?"

"Awe, I thought I was giving you a scare, luv." His punker boyfriend pout at him.

"Your boots always makes a loud sound. I'm Spider-man for a reason, bae." His Sunflower's doe eyes looks up at him with a small smirk on his face.

"Yeah, you're right. And you possibly knew I was coming by, huh?" Hobie jumps over the couch to sit next to his cute boyfriend. The cushions bouncy up and down making Miles move his bag of chips away from his boyfriend's side.

Hobie grins widely as he lay on his Miles, "Duh, you're my boyfriend. I know, you always want to visit me whenever I'm free or my parents aren't around." His cute darling smirks at him while eating an odd fruit.

"Darling, what are you eating?" Hobie asked being confused.

Miles set his empty glass bottle of cola on the ground, his mouth suckling the sweet citrus fruit, "Quenepas!"

"What?"

"Quenepas! Oh right, that's what Puerto Ricans call these. Um... I think Central Americans call them Mamones." Miles pointed out, as he let Hobie hold the small oval shape fruit. "They're like little gum balls."

"Yeah, and you call them what? Queen-Quene-passe?" Hobie tries to pronounce the word. His fingers hold the fruit like a piece of gem to study it.

"Quenepas! Jamaicans called them, Ginep or Guenepa."

"Ooh, I've heard of these before." Hobie heard it from his childhood friends that use to visit their relatives in Jamaica. "I never tried them."

"Make sense, these are mostly from the Americans. You wanna try it?" Miles asked.

"Yes, luv. How do you eat it?"

"Easy. You just do this," His boyfriend put half of the oval shape fruit in his mouth, he snuck his teeth hard enough to rip open the thick leather-like cover. "Then, you just open the half part." He uses his mouth to take off the peel to reveal the pretty pulp. "This is the pulp, the good part and it covers the seed. So you just pop it in your mouth and suck on it."

"Suck on it?" Hobie's face froze, he turns pink thinking of dirty thoughts.

"Yeah," His boyfriend being naive as always with his honey-brown eyes glued on his show. "These taste like sweet limes. So good. Try it!"

Hobie hold his fruit in his hand to do what Miles did. First, he bit around the peel then pull it away. His dark eyes saw the light orange pulp covering the seed, his mouth opens wide as he pops it inside.

Miles watches his boyfriend's eyes lit up by the fruit. "Good, huh?"

"Luv, these are delicious. It got that bitter taste to it from the lime, too."

"Right, it gives it a nice flavor!" Miles spit the seed out of his mouth to put it in a separate bowl were all the discarded seeds and peels went to. "These are one of my favorite fruits."

"Mmm," Hobie spit the seed out of his mouth letting his tongue tingle by the sour sweet taste of the fruit. It's delicious, but not as delicious as watching his Sunflower suckling on them. The way his beautiful plump lips pucker as he eats the fruit. This gives Hobie an idea, a delightful idea that a wide smirk spread on his face.

"Sunflower, these are good, but I want to try something with these?" The eighteen year old punker hold another fruit quickly opening the peel to put the fruit in his mouth.

"What?" Miles face his boyfriend being caught off guard by Hobie's lips. "Mmmm!" Honey brown eyes widen when he felt his boyfriend's tongue and the Quenepas rolling around between they're tongues.

"Mmm," Hobie groans as he got on top of his Sunflower as they have a heated make out.

Miles' cheeks felt warm being bashful, almost turned on as his tongue plays around with Hobie's. They were still in the beginning of their relationship, so tongue kissing isn't something Miles is good at. He's still shy about their heated kisses and hand holding, because he believes Hobie can do so much better without him.

Their first kiss wasn't as romantic as Miles wanted it to be, because of his lack of experience Hobie gave him a peck on the lips. From the beginning all they did was a simple kiss on the cheek or hand hold, all because the Black Latino isn't use to anything else. This made him more upset with himself, he wants to prove he can try new things instead of being coddle or treated like a delicate little flower. He wants to be daring, sexy and pleased his boyfriend the same way he does with him.

Their tongues play with the fruit having drool coming down their corner of their lips, the sweet taste of the fruit gave a euphoric pleasure running through their bodies. "Ohhh," Miles groans in the back of their throat, "Mmm."

"Mmm," Hobie purrs, letting his tongue flap around his pretty Sunflower's delicious mouth. Their plump lips suckle on the fruit letting their tongues push the seed back and forth. The sounds of their lips smacking got their bodies hot, their lower region a bit harder.

Miles' tongue was a bit weaker, more submissive than Hobie's dominant mouth. His boyfriend is hungry for him, so hungry, Miles could hear his heart beating rapidly. Their Spidey senses kicking high gear, it's nothing they ever felt before.

They could feel it trying to bond with one another, understand each other without saying a word. It's like their Spider senes are communicating based on instincts. Miles' eyes met dark beautiful brown eyes as if they were trying to understand that each other in a much deeper level. They could feel their Spider senses clicking after Hobie gently let Miles take over their kiss.

Click.

Miles'a own hands pulled Hobie into that deep kiss again, this time his teeth nibbling on his man's bottom lip. Their Spider senses now in tune. "Mmm!" They felt their cheeks warm, Miles' eyes being teary from all the feel good pleasure and want from his partner. His legs wrapped around Hobie's waist, letting his hips grind against him.

The punker's hands gripping on couch trying to support himself while Miles' hands wrapped around his face. They keep kissing till they felt the need to pull away. "Mmm!" They both moan again, the sound of the couch and television play in their ears.

Their teeth would nibble a bit of their lips and tongue. Miles felt Hobie's teeth sinking in a bit harder making him shiver with delight. That feels good. The young teenager tries to copy every movement to get better at kissing, he was tired of pecks and small kisses. He wants this.

When Hobie finally pulled away to catch his breath, he could feel his crotch hard, his breathing heavy. Their tongues left a trail of salvia as Miles lay his head on the couch with his teeth holding the seed. The sight of the young Spider-man's swollen plump lips being wrapped around the seed was to tempting for Hobie.

It made him want to do something more. "Hobie..." Miles muffled his words.

"Luv?" Hobie leans over to kiss his cheek, "I overdid, didn't I."

Feeling Hobie's warm breath on his left ear made Miles shudder again. "Mm-Mm." He shook his head. Their bodies were needing each other, they were begging to go further, but- There is always a but, Miles wasn't ready.

Hobie can tell his precious Sunflower is nervous. After all, this is their first time tongue kissing like this. "Miles..." He finally said before he sat back up to help his Sunflower sit back up.

The seventeen year old spit out the clean seed in his hand, he felt bashful, again. "Hobie, we kissed!"

"We always kiss, luv."

"No, we... tongue kiss." He shyly said, "My lips feel weird." He touch them feeling the soft soreness, it doesn't hurt.

"Heh, did you like it?"

Miles turns to him, "Hobie, I wanna kiss like that again!" Then he pouts, "But its okay we only take it slow."

"Sunflower," Hobie's hand caress his beautiful boyfriend's cheek, "You can take as long as you want."

Miles' eyes gleams with love, he quickly took another Quenepas with the peel off. Popping the fruit in his mouth. Then tackle down his boyfriend for another kiss. "Your mine, Hobie Brown!"

"That's what I like to hear, luv." Hobie purrs as they kiss again.

Ever since that day, Quenepas had became Hobie's favorite fruit.

[recoverywithgh0ul]

Hey there! Ghoul here, so these last couple of days I’ve been trying to be super productive when I can. Also something kind of awesome happened yesterday, I was planning on getting takeaway for dinner because I was just craving it- looked at all the options and just lost all want for it. I don’t know If I just couldn’t justify the price or something? Lol but hey, it’s progress nonetheless~ I’ve also been trying to incorporate more coping skills into my day lately, like crocheting, and journaling. Overall been pretty successful. So with that little update, let’s get into the day~

Breakfast~

Breakfast wrap, potatoes, and frozen blueberries

(These next few days is going to be a struggle to make more balanced and full meals since I don’t have a lot of produce in the house currently, and since I’m leaving in 5 days I can’t really justify buying more in fear of not finishing it lol)(I didn’t finish the blueberries rip)

Snack~

A blueberry, spinach, and apple protein smoothie, with some cheese cubes and chips(I swear this smoothie tastes like a muffin >.< )

Lunch~

Veggie burger on bread, with a side of potatoes with cheese and broccoli

Snack~

Fiber one bar, trail mix, and a cup of a protein shake

Dinner~

Leftover pizza, broccoli, peppers, rice salad (leftovers basically)

Snack~

Chips and cheese

Drink~

Protein coffee

Water throughout the day

Strawberry protein shake(1/3 of a bottle)

So today as you can see, wasn’t the biggest win in the health department. Though at the end of the day it was eaten in moderation, I honored my hunger cues, and I still got some fruit and veg in. Of course eating like this everyday without balance isn’t ideal, but an off day isn’t a bad thing <3 Well, I hope being completely transparent helped a few people on their own journeys, as always, good luck on yours, and until next time~

[ieatsurveys]

77.

Are you a dreamer or a do-er? I'm a do-er. You can have dreams, but you can't achieve those dreams without being a do-er.

Do you think people get what they deserve? No.

Does it take a lot of physical pain to make you cry? I have a pretty high tolerance of pain. Sure, it hurts, but to cry? Nah.

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): I don't think I've ever played a strange game.

Do you like sitting in the front, back, or middle of the classroom? I don't know. Probably front.

Do you ever see commercials for restaurants that aren’t even in your area? No.

Do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before? No. Which is better: living where there’s lots of tornadoes or lots of hurricanes? Both are terrible.

Would you pay if your dog needed an operation? Yes.

If you’re a girl, what’s your favorite color of eyeliner? Black. But, I have used purple eyeliner and it made my eyes pop out.

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? No.

Why did you ignore the last person you ignored? I don't remember when I ignored a person. I know I have, but I don't do it often.

What’s your favorite pizza place? A local franchise pizza place near me, Salvadore's. So. Dang. Good.

What’s at the top of your to do list in life? Get into college for ASL Interpreter. Still looking at schools. Do you ever eat leftover pizza cold? Just had a conversation about this - yes!

Where are you the most ticklish? Oh, that's my secret. Guess you'll just have to find out :P

Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? I feel like it's probably easy to say "yes" to this. But it'll be harder in real life. I feel like if it's someone who's really close to me, I wouldn't even think about it. I'd just put my life in danger. For a stranger, I might have to stop and think about it. It makes me sound like a bitch, but *shrugs*. Just being honest. When you’re wanting a midnight snack, what do you normally get? I don't keep snacks at my place, so it's probably a random piece of turkey meat haha.

Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Hm.

Do you like marshmallows? I don't.

What is your favorite flavor of candy cane? The regular.

Do you have any shoeboxes full of old photos/letters/other memorable stuff? Just one.

When was the last time you felt seriously embarrassed? Ha. I embarrass myself a lot. When I threw up in the parking lot with my friend. She handled it so well, though.

Have you ever liked a song, looked up the lyrics to it, then hated it? Yes.

What’s your favorite Christmas song? Hm.

Did you like the show Invader Zim? I've never heard of it.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in a grocery store? When I went to China, I saw some pretty random and weird crap.

Do you prefer to pull off band-aids slowly or quickly? Slowly.

Have you ever met any bands/band members before? YES.

Do you enjoy riding around town looking at Christmas lights? I used to do that when I was a child. My parents would make a night out of it.

What states have you been to in the past year? KY.

Have you ever sleepwalked? Yes.

What’s your favorite superhero movie? Spiderman.

Do you struggle with acne? Ever since being diagnosed with PCOS (I am VERY open about my journey, especially on Instagram), I have been getting acne. Even though I wash my face twice a day.

Around what year did you start using the internet, anyways? 2000.

What did you do for your 16th birthday? I think there was a surprise party for me.

Have you ever fostered an animal? No.

What’s your favorite form of exercise? HIIT. Do you have a back pack in a shape of an animal? I'm not 7 years old.

Do you still take hot showers when it’s hot out? Yes.

What’s your favorite type of cake? I don't like cake.

Name something you thought was cool when you were younger but don’t now? Bak packs in a shape of an animal ;)

What was the last song you downloaded onto your computer? I don't remember.

What color are your headphones, if you have any? Black.

Do you honestly like The Beatles or are you just conforming? I do.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? No one sends me video messages :( Let's actually make that a thing. I will give you guys my number JUST to get video messages.

Who did you last talk to in Facebook chat? Dustin.

When writing $ sign, do you draw one line through the S or two? Two.

Do you feel bad for people your age who have never had a significant other? If it's their decision to be single, no. If they want to be in a relationship and haven't been able to be in one, yes.

When do you plan on moving out? If you’re already moved out, how old were you? 21?

Would you kiss the last person you texted? It's a girl and I'm very straight, so no.

What do you think of guys wearing colored skinny jeans? Yes please.

Where do you normally get your hair cut? Debbie.

Would you trade last names with your best friend? Why?

Would you ever get blonde highlights? I have.

Will you go to your high school reunion? No.

Have you stayed up past 3 in the morning this week? No.

Do you ever not speak to someone because you’re afraid you’ll annoy them? Yes. Sometimes.

Personally, do you think you have a nice smile? Yes.

What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? Golden retriever.

[whltlock]

CHAPTER ONE / MASTERLIST / Subscribe on AO3

Pairing: Jason Todd/Non-binary!Reader

Summary: Something hunts Jason from the shadows and its wearing the face of that God forsaken clown.

Running from trouble, you just want a moment to catch your breath and lay low.

But life’s a tricky thing, isn’t it? The stars above Gotham align just so, throwing you into the path swathed with moody red and wicked sharp tongues.

And too be fair, you’ve never been good at staying on the straight and narrow.

Tags: Non-binary Reader, Dick and Reader are Roma, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Fluff and Angst, Body Horror, Post Arkham Knight, jason goes to therapy fr, do i project my disabilities onto everyone? yes i do, i make dc and marvel kiss a little, i just love writing about jason learning to give and accept love

Word Count: 8432

“So, do you want pizza as a thanks?” you offered. “Although we’re even now.”

Jason tapped his helmet.

You frowned. The look you gave almost made him laugh, too—it rivalled Alfred’s are you fucking stupid? face.

“I know,” you said, your brows still furrowed. It was shaken off as you reached up to the bedside table and pulled down a wad of tissues. Laying them out, you placed a few slices onto the ‘plate.’

“Take the box.” You held it out to him.

Unbeknownst to you, Jason’s expression pinched. “Don’t eat on the floor,” he muttered, crossing the small space to claim the leftover pizza. You rolled your eyes.

“Sorry, I’ll just go get my finest china out of my backpack.”

The two of you stared at each other in silence for a moment, scrutinising one another. A few seconds passed before you smirked and ducked your head, finding your own joke funny. He wouldn’t admit it if he did too.

A/N: I've been working on this baby since Dec 2020, so I'm glad to finally release it! I hope you're able to enjoy the journey as much as I have.

I'm just editing chapters now, so that means weekly updates for you all! I'm thinking Sundays so we all have something to get us through Mondays. But for this week, there's a bonus chapter to kick things off.

I want to mention that for the first part of this story, Reader is malnourished and it features in the text at times (not an ED). As the chapters go on and they are able to gain weight, it isn't discussed beyond self-image issues.

Catch you again soon!

Yet another echo of distant, growling voices slapped against the brick-laid walls. It spooked you and you clung to your bag a little tighter, as if it offered any safety. The rats that scuttled out of the corner of your eyes made your disgust well-up. You swallowed, seeing the dried blood splatters both on the ground and the empty high-rise buildings. That was a reoccurring, skin-crawling sight tonight.

So far, you’d wandered from worse to bearable to bad, or was it the other way around? You weren’t sure anymore. You'd hoped, at one point or another in your travels, that something would click. You needed a lightbulb moment to guide your way.

Continuing along the dark streets, you did your best to ignore the stench of trash and the cold that gnawed at your brittle bones. A measly woollen sweater hung over your shivering frame, shuffling to and fro with the wind.

Abruptly, your senses set alight, paranoia chasing goosebumps up your arms and neck. At once, you heard boots stomping against cement. It approached rapidly, one thump after another. You held onto your bag and whipped around.

A figure clothed in red flew past you as you both stumbled into an alleyway on impact. It was an ungraceful collision where your limbs hit wall painfully. A belting roar ricocheted into the narrow street within seconds. Whatever it was merely tossed you aside with its enormity and speed and went after the crumpled crusader.

For a moment, you remained folded against the brick, gulping down a lungsful of air. Unfortunately, adrenaline forced you to scramble upwards to watch the disaster happening before you.

The stranger barely had time to roll away before the giant was pummelling down. Its fists were misshapen; barely passable stumps that looked like they were made of mud and rot. Between them, boisterous heaves filtered into the suddenly-stuffy air. You realised that thing was probably about to win.

With a rattled breath, you raised your hand. Nothing happened. A sick feeling drowned the contents of stomach.

Again, you mustered your will and honed in on the dreadful beast. With a second shake of your wrist, the creature jerked sideways a touch. Almost like you’d bitch-slapped it.

The piece you carved from it sloughed off its body and melted into the ground, becoming just another dark stain. It still shocked you to see your ability in action. However, the dash of hope was snuffed out as the perturbed creature swivelled its head to you. Its nostrils flared.

“Shit.”

It lunged, bounding over the pavement in what you couldn’t describe as being on either two or four legs. You stumbled further backwards, palming for purchase along the disgustingly sticky brick. “Shit, shit, shit!”

You almost cried when it happened. With your arms raised defensively in front of you, the creature swept away with a jarring metal clang, hitting one of the buildings that lined the dead-end street. It let out a wail but didn't attempt to get up, though it writhed on the spot.

“Woah,” came the voice of yet another figure appearing by your side. Your eyes snapped to him, jittery from the ordeal. This one was clad in blue.

Tentatively, he passed you your bag that had fallen in the scuffle. When you didn’t immediately accept it, he tried again, voice placating. “That was cool.”

You snatched the bag but stayed mute. You eyed him, and then the red... man, you supposed. He was still splayed on the ground, helmet intact despite it all. Strangely, it almost seemed like he was speechless too, with the indents of his eyes peering up at you—calculating. They had matching bat symbols plastered across their chests, which prompted: “Are you brothers?”

“What? No!” the blue one sputtered. “Why would you say that?”

“Shut up,” Red grit.

“Right,” Nightwing said.

You realised the red man’s voice was... warbled. Like a robot trying to communicate. It set you on edge again.

After a pause, he spoke up, sounding frustrated. “I didn’t need your help.”

You weren’t quite sure if it was directed at you, although the words seemed to ignite something in Nightwing. He hurriedly moved to help Red Hood up from where the beastly thing had pounced on him originally. “Dude, why’d you run off? Look at this mess.”

“I was handling it.” Jason ignored the arm held out as he stood up. He shoved Dick’s hands away, then snapped, “Stop following me.”

You broke their argument with a soft whisper, watching the creature who was stirring. “What is that?”

They both turned to look at you.

“Who are you?” Red demanded.

You didn’t know what to say. They didn’t seem coordinated enough to do anything bad to you, but...

You slumped against the wall, curling in on yourself, unsure of this whole situation. You’d just revealed a dangerous thing about your person.

“My name’s Nightwing,” Dick offered gently. His careful eyes trailed over Jason, before saying, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

That little action had you reeling. “Is he?” you asked warily, following Nightwing’s diligent gaze to his brother. Red snorted, but it sounded odd through the helmet.

He was staring at you again. With what little determination you had left, you glared back. You didn’t trust the faceless man not to tackle you on a whim, especially when his fingers twitched on the guns holstered to his upper thighs. The air between them felt heavy with the unsaid.

“No,” Dick assured. He looked away from you. “Did you alert the GCPD?”

You noticed the tiny movements of Red’s posture and helmet, the tells that his attention had been redirected elsewhere. “Yes.”

Dick looked over from them to the odd being in question. “It’s contained?”

Jason didn’t reply. Instead, his fists clenched tighter.

“Okay,” Dick murmured, trying to walk back the doubt he’d cast on his brother. “Okay. That’s good. Good job.”

“Relax, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle,” you muttered to yourself. Nightwing stifled his laughter into his shoulder, but Red’s head snapped to you.

“What?” came the mechanical voice, and it felt like he tried to burn you with his deadly stare.

“You’re welcome, by the way,” you retorted. You were probably testing his patience, but he’d done nothing but try to intimidate you.

Nightwing stepped in then, blocking you from his sight. “Come back to the Manor later, please?”

“Take them home,” Jason said, tone slicing like dropped steel that barely missed your toes.

Dick raised his hand to place on his shoulder, but it floated unsurely. “Please, Ja—”

The words were cut off as Jason grabbed the collar of Dick’s suit, forcefully pushing him backwards and closer to you. Dick swallowed the rest of his desperate plea. The regret was obvious in his clenched jaw. He knew he shouldn’t have said Jason’s name but it had escaped before he could think about it.

You wanted to inch away, but they’d basically blocked you into the alley. You leaned away from the kafuffle, scarcely avoiding the heat of Nightwing’s body.

“Don’t,” Jason ground out, knuckles still stretched taut near Dick’s neck. “Take. Them. Home.”

With that, he let go. As he stepped back, he risked a glance at you over Dick’s shoulder.

Man, did his attitude need retuning, you thought.

Dick deflated. Then, he nodded.

Jason didn’t waste any longer in the alleyway, needing to put distance between the three of them. He was suffocating under his brother’s despair. He spun around and briskly disappeared into the darkness of the decaying street. You lost sight of him within a few steps, but you heard the rungs of a nearby ladder drop. It blended into police sirens.

You finally peeled away from the dirty wall, uncertain of what to do next. Running and screaming sounded fun.

Nightwing sighed loudly. It was quiet for a few more moments, the both of you absorbing what had just happened. You—your first encounter with something inhuman—and him, well, whatever the hell that had been between Jason and himself.

He wanted to be mad. He undeniably was, but—it was crushing to see the state of his brother. Dick wanted to be angry and resolve it the way normal families did. His mind flitted over Bruce and he couldn’t help but think this is your fault. He felt the volatile thoughts capsizing, white heat spreading to his limbs.

Stop, he told himself. Dick choked it down to stew about later.

“Spurned lover?” you said, tone obnoxious. You deserved a slap upside the head for that comment.

The corner of Nightwing’s mouth lifted.

“No. He’s just not a...” Dick settled on, “People person.” He sighed again, then tried to resume his cheerful character. “Let’s get you somewhere safe, yeah?”

You remained silent. Even if you allowed him lead you some place, where were you going to go? The nearest cardboard box in a sheltered side street?

Your blinking tipped him off. “You’re new to town?”

You bit your tongue and nodded.

“Okay. I can take you to a motel?” Nightwing proposed.

God, you’d already laid half your cards on the table. What was a little more? you thought bitterly. “I don’t have the money for that.”

“It’s alright. I’ll take care of it.” Nightwing started walking, urging you to join him with a wave of his hand. “I know you don’t trust me, but... consider it a ‘thank you’ for tonight.”

You snorted. At least someone was grateful for your shitty help. Though that meant the two men were definitely known to each other. Your mind wandered off on that tangent for a few minutes as you trailed after him, pace slow.

You were no longer cold after that excitement, but you kept your belongings tight against your body. You kicked a pebble as you walked. Occasionally, you’d hum an anxious note under your breath. You hoped you weren’t stupid enough to let yourself be lured to an early grave.

While it didn’t seem like you were going to get an explanation about that hellish monster, you were relieved that the stranger didn’t ask about your weirdness. You knew he had been looking you over, searching for an answer in the strained silence. You shied away when his eyes lingered on the scars that peeked out of your billowing sleeves.

Nightwing’s voice displaced the eerie hush then. “What brings you to Gotham?” he asked, turning his head again.

You mulled over your next words carefully. “Finding somewhere to live.”

Dick nodded. “Where are you from?”

“Europe.”

He accepted it easily. “Staying long?”

You frowned, uncomfortable with the twenty questions game. You turned it back on him after an awkward beat. “Are you friends?” you blurted out, “with the grump?”

A long pause, before, “We used to be.”

You didn’t push beyond that.

As you walked, Dick became aware of the presence following them from above. A red uniform that glided along the top of the buildings, attempting to stay out of sight.

He tried to stifle the hope that thrummed alive from beneath the murky depths.

With a quiet, “Thank you,” you closed the door as gently as you could as not to cause offence. However, you triple-checked the locks.

You took a few moments to breathe. Really breathe—deeply—and exhaled face down into the mattress. For the first time in perhaps weeks—you’d lost count—you felt a little bit safe. Enough to relax for a few hours. To sink into the barely-made covers of the bed, with four grimy walls to keep the weather and other atrocities at bay.

For a while you lay on your stomach, just trying to release the from pressure deep within your muscles. However, a grumbling stomach alerted you to the fact that you were still human.

With a sigh, you sat back up and spilt the contents of your sack onto the bed. The few dollars you had left tumbled out, along with an apple, a snack bar of sorts, an old phone, two t-shirts, and your water bottle. You settled for the bar.

Staring hopelessly at what little money you had, you knew you were going to have to steal sooner or later to survive. You didn’t even have regular scraps at this point.

You wished your phone would ring with a solution.

The morning brought a soft light speckling over the bed. You wanted to stay there a bit longer, in this simple luxury you hadn’t had in so long.

But no, you would have to keep looking for a sanctuary. Nightwing had given you a night’s reprieve and you were not going to test your luck with the bizarre vigilante when he had bestowed you with something nice. Besides, you didn’t have the money to pay him back or continue your retreat there.

Bag slung over your shoulder, you eyed the bed and the bathroom, savouring the memories of warmth one last time. Closing the door behind yourself was hard.

You trailed up to the shoddy front desk, gripping the key. Filled with dismay, you placed the card on the counter with a sullen, “Thank you.”

“No refunds for the remaining nights,” the woman monotoned, peering over her novel.

“What?”

“That... gentleman said you were staying the week,” she sighed, discontent with your obliviousness.

You managed to stammer out, “I... It’s paid for?”

She just raised her eyebrow.

Pondering the situation, you weren’t sure what it meant if you accepted that key back. What did Nightwing want?

Your shadow hardly proved a nuisance as the clerk went back to her book, ignoring your internal debate. Another night, much less a week, was beyond tempting.

You rubbed at your eyes, feeling like this would be trouble down the line. However, you snatched back the key. This time, a little more confidently, you parted with an, “Alright. Thanks.”

Walking briskly down the cold Gotham streets, you snatched a piece of fruit from a passing grocer’s stall.

Jason Todd decided he was going to have a Peaceful Fucking Morning. Not the texts pouring in from Dick, or the aching in his spine, knees, shoulder, etcetera, would deter him from his mission.

He sunk into the cushioned loveseat that was rammed into the far reading corner of Gotham City Public Library. Considering the infernal realm that this city was, the library was cosy despite all the evil forces it had going against it.

He opened up My Year of Rest and Relaxation, careful to avoid imparting more damage to the spine of the already heavily-used book. He sipped at his coffee and continued on from where he last left off.

Jason wasn’t going to think about how he ran away from his brother and the smartass victim, or the weird thing that had attacked him. The tenacity in which it had pursued him in—wanting a chunk of his deranged hide.

Well, get in line, he blew air out his nose.

Jason’s head jerked up when he spotted the same ratty bag that he’d seen last night. And attached to it, the same stranger that had gotten in the way. Fear swiftly pounded in his ears and he cast his face downwards.

The only reason you’d notice him was for his tattered face, Jason reminded himself acrimoniously. He’d been wearing his helmet, he reasoned, in an attempt to quell the anxiety. Nonetheless, he tugged at his hood until his cheek was hidden, shielding the scar from prying eyes.

With a harsh swallow, he peeked at you again. He noted how you’d sat down at a nearby table, back to him. You flipped through newspapers rather rapidly. Jason’s eyes narrowed at that. Why hadn’t you hightailed it out of Gotham already?

Jason decided to keep an eye on you. His gaze flicked from the words on the page, to your form and back, several times over.

It caught his interest when you stopped on one page for too long. He put down the book and slowly got up. His butt-fucked joints led him behind the desk. Peering over your shoulder, every muscle in Jason’s body stiffened.

He was looking back at a photo of himself and the bloodshed he’d caused.

Stepping into the library, you made a beeline for the newspaper stand. Taking today’s copy of the Gazette, and a few old ones, you hastily scooped them into your arms. Your eyes swept over the large room, looking for somewhere to sit. You decided on a table near the reading nook. It was secluded, save for the body looking comfortable on an overstuffed lounge.

You paid him little mind. Your focus was on the newspapers and the secrets they held. Who was Nightwing? And the red one?

You thumbed through the pages, glancing over headlines and photos. You read through a couple of stories. Clearly, the crime rate was high in this city. The list of vigilantes and mob bosses seemed endless.

An image of Nightwing came up first. He’d saved a group of civilians from a shoot-out.

Next, you found the one that interested you most: ‘Red Hood Intervenes in Arms Deal, Weapons Go Missing.’ Your jaw tensed. That didn’t sound good.

A sudden tickle ran up your spine. The sensation of a presence behind you caused you to whip around. Paranoia wasn’t something to be so easily ignored—especially now in a place like this, you realised. Relief overwhelmed you when it was just the other library-goer. He rushed past you, book a-tow.

You refocused on the newspapers, your thoughts going haywire.

Were these people like you?

You leaned back in the chair. Chewing your lip absently, you recalled what you’d read and your experience of the night before. Arms crossed, you sank into yourself, and in turn, the distant hope that pulled at your gut.

Were there more?

Damp. That’s how you’d describe the cell if anyone ever asked. The walls, the floor, even the bed sheets always felt sodden under your fingertips. Maybe it was from all the crying you had done or from those that came before you. Ghosts inevitably carving their mark into this hellhole.

Your eyes drifted to the stone walls, fleetingly curious about whether anyone had ever bothered to leave their name or initials hidden. As a reminder that they existed—that they were here once.

That could be a project for another day when you weren’t so troubled, you decided.

The men behind the see-through screen seemed to take note of your roving eyes. You felt them. Upon realising that, you retreated back into yourself before they came forward to observe further. You weren’t a freebie.

You scooted behind the bed, trying to hide from the leering stares of your so-called saviours. Day and night, someone would be watching you, guaranteed. You tugged the blanket closer, trying to build a soft, protective wall. It too felt waterlogged.

You rubbed at your pruned skin, wondering if you could get trench foot this way.

You assumed it was night time. They turned the lights off at night, resorting to pointing torches into the cells, finding it funny to beam them straight into your eyes. Toying with you when they could, especially when you weren’t entertaining enough.

A pained wailing came from further down the hall, signalling that there were at least a few others trapped like you. You weren’t sure if that made you feel any better.

With your eyes screwed shut, you bounced your head against the wall in frustration. A migraine was starting to seep into your brain from the screaming that hadn’t stopped in the last hour. What had happened to them? Were you next?

You tried to count the threads on your raggedy excuse for clothes, searching for a feasible distraction.

When that didn’t work, you resorted to digging your nails into your palms. The pulsing in your head was beginning to make you nauseous. You considered clawing at the barely healed wounds on your arms. Maybe it’d drown out the noise. But, being sick or wounded meant scrutiny and physical contact. Two things best avoided in this place.

Suddenly, an electrical shock in your brain meant your head accidentally smacked against the stony wall.

“Shit!” you yelped, slapping a hand to the spot that throbbed. Because of it, you almost missed the eerie voice that spoke beneath the pulsing sensation.

“You are suffering too, yes?” it asked.

Your chin whipped around, searching the cell. You even peeked around the blanket. No one out of the ordinary was there.

“Yes?” you spoke into the air timidly.

Abruptly, the shrieking ceased. You heard a soft whimper from behind you through the thick wall. Almost immediately, the migraine eased back to a bearable level.

Quietly, you asked, “Did you do that?”

It was a few moments before you received the disembodied, “Yes.”

You gulped nervously. You hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to anyone in your time here. However long that was. The guards were religious about the captives being kept separate from each other. No chance of escape then.

“Are you next to me?” you cautiously whispered.

“I am,” they said. The voice was deep but quite feminine. The accent was the same as yours. You felt a bit more confident knowing that. “Are you alright?”

“Better, now,” you said. You leaned your head back against the wall, grateful for it to be finally quiet, except for the weird tingles that vibrated throughout your brain.

“Are you telepathic?” you murmured. It was weird to have a conversation like a normal person. Usually, you were begging for them to stop and leave you alone.

“Something like that,” she explained. You nodded to yourself, accepting the answer.

There was silence for a long time before the voice said more. “Don’t hurt yourself, not for them.”

You wanted to speak but the sickly spotlight shone upon you in that moment. Your blood turned cold. A gruff yell came from outside the cell: “Wakey, wakey, sunshine—!”

*

That familiar shock startled you awake. A buzzing traversed your nerves, from your fingers to your toes. It was a strange kind of comfort; slightly warming in its path.

You pulled your phone off the table, longing for a soothing message or notification. Nothing.

You sighed, realising it must have just been your brain overreacting. It wasn’t quite a nightmare, you thought. More like a memory playing out.

You missed your friend’s face. Wishing it had appeared in the dream, you tried to conjure it up for your own sake. When was the last time you saw them smile?

Too long ago.

You realised then that you’d fallen asleep with the old, tiny TV on. It reminded you of the more war-torn parts of your home city where they were common. There was another pang of yearning for something that no longer existed—that would never be the same.

The static fizzed; random, muffled voices breaking through every so often. Much like those ghost detector machines you’d seen on YouTube. You continued to lay there on the cosy bed, listening to that sound. It was snug in the sheets, so unlike the clammy ones you had to endure back there. You scratched at your arms, finding them itchy now.

It was endless, the worry your safety could be breached at any moment. Anxiety chewed at you, gnawing its way into your weak soul.

But your friend’s words echoed in your mind:‘Don’t hurt yourself because of them.’

It was enough to suppress any urge for the rest of the night.

*

You hadn’t ventured far that day, only leaving your room to visit the vending machine for a lemon soda. Cracking it open in the tiny courtyard, you soaked in some of the gloomy sun. Still, it rippled past you and warmed your freezing skin. You felt a little more alive.

The journey back was short. You glanced at passersby, wondering what had lured them to Gotham. Not a weird calling like you, surely?

You stopped, eyes falling. A neat pile of something laid at the foot of your door.

Warily, you leaned down and poked it. It seemed to be all cloth. You looked around as if you were going to find the culprit waiting behind the nearest corner. It was obviously meant for you, right?

With a sigh, you scooped it up. Since Nightwing was the one who dropped you off, you supposed it had to be a gift from him. Another one? you thought incredulously.

A couple pairs of socks, a t-shirt, and a box of assorted snacks. Hm.

“Call me poor to my face next time,” you muttered, stuffing the bundle into your arms. Contrarily, you were grateful on the inside. You unlocked the door and snuck back into the room.

You noticed a slip of paper wedged between the goodies. A handwritten phone number was on the top side. And when you flipped it over, it read, ‘For when he gets in trouble next.’

At least Nightwing was funny, you mused.

Squinting, you brought it closer to see, ‘Or if you need help!’ had been messily scribbled out.

*

The absolute divine cloud of cheese and herbs that wafted from the pizza box practically carried you back to the motel. You were absolutely starving, having eaten very little in the past few days. You’d anxiously splurged on a whole pizza and justified it by knowing you could save the rest in the mini-fridge. Which was a shocking luxury for the scrap-heap room you were headed to.

Chin propped, you did your best attempt at a leave-me-alone stride along the Gotham streets. The chilly air prickled at your skin but you tried to channel the burning heat from the box into the rest of your body. The cracked cement tripped you up every so often. Why the hell were you still here?

You huffed with relief when you passed the last building on the dingy street, spotting the glowing VACANT sign in the motel’s car lot. There were a few vehicles scattered at their owners’ pleasure. Walking by the front office, you noticed the clerk was asleep. It wasn’t the same old bat; this time it was a teenager.

Unsteadily, you shuffled the pizza box to balance on your left palm, while the other rummaged through your pants pocket for the room key.

A voice standing entirely too close, and entirely too breathy, made you freeze as it hit your neck.

“Hiya, darl.”

You kept your fingers clutched around the key, unsure of your next move. Slowly, you peered over your shoulder. An older man leered at you, cigarette hanging over his lips. It spat ash into the breeze. He smiled when he had your attention.

It felt disgusting. His patchy beard was sprinkled with sweat. Alarm bells in your head screamed. You didn’t want to let him into your room, but staying outside didn’t seem any wiser.

You weren’t losing this fucking pizza.

“You lookin’ for company to share that feast with tonight?”

Still keeping your eyes on him, you inched closer to the door. “No.”

He let out a guttural laugh. “Come on, darl. Don’t be like that.”

A glint from the waist of his jeans made your heart drop into your ass. That sure looked like a weapon. You swallowed thickly, voice stuck.

The purr of an engine ripped the breath from your lungs. Your eyes darted upwards, watching the nondescript van roll into the far side of the car park. Tears stung your eyes.

No, it couldn’t be them—no!—how did they find you?

You couldn’t believe what was happening. One more word out of his mouth and you were going to start hyperventilating. The heat of the pizza that seared your hand was no longer grounding enough. The man seemed to sense your distress and his grin widened.

“Feeling shy?” he crooned, reaching for you with crinkly palms. You immediately slapped him away. The man let out a tsk. For a moment, he turned to the van with his arms raised; the opening act for his audience.

You pressed the pizza to your chest and took the opportunity.

You launched your fist at him as hard as you could, hoping some of your ability would propel it. Without staying to watch his face snap six ways to Sunday, you bolted across the threshold, praising whatever higher power that had installed the electronic lock and key. You tossed the box onto the ground.

However, a foot wedged in the doorway stopped you from slamming it entirely shut.

“Oh darl, now you’re just being nasty,” he snarled, attempting to force you back. You threw your weight against the door frantically. You barely kept it in place as he pounded on it.

Homeless and starving: two points, and you: zero.

Suddenly, a deep thump sounded against the door, followed by a cacophony of swearing. You were shoved back with the brute force of it.

And then, the man flew through the gap, having received a boot to the chest. You let out a strangled noise, falling to the ground, almost squashing your pizza. Your eyes roved upwards, trailing after the figure that marched into the room.

Red Hood. Like he owned the damn place.

He picked up the man by the scruff and dragged him up. The man’s knees dangled dumbly as he clawed at the vigilante.

“Read the fuckin’ room next time, buddy,” Red warbled, stubbing out the cigarette on the goon’s face. At that, he cried and thrashed angrily, only for Red to drop him face first.

Your would-be attacker tried to roll over. He didn’t get far as swiftly, he received a pistol whipping with his own gun. There was a distinct crack on the second blow. He fell back with a pained moan but lapsed into silence.

Red hauled the unconscious man by his jean leg straight through the doorframe. He didn’t spare you a glance until he was done zip-tying the man to a post outside.

The screech of tires had both your heads jerking up. The van was escaping.

“Shit,” Red groaned. Finally, he inclined his head towards you in acknowledgement. “I’ll come back.” When that made you stiffen, he amended, “For him.”

“Oh,” you whispered, pretending to understand. Brain completely fried, you uttered the only thing you could manage: “Do you want some pizza?”

Red snorted. “Lock the door,” he said as he pulled it shut.

*

Seated on the floor by your pizza, you had your knees hugged to your chest. At some point in the past forty-five minutes, you’d stopped shaking, but you couldn’t get over how you were almost snatched. Back to them. Your fists clenched until your knuckles were white and pins and needles took over.

A knock against wood interrupted your self-pity session. Heart lurching, you shuffled backwards in a pathetic attempt of self-defence.

You remembered then that Red Hood said he would come back. You still did nothing but hide behind the loose sheets. You watched the door handle jiggle, feeling panic rising in your gut. Wasn’t this supposed to be your safe space for the week?

You wanted to vomit as the heavy, black combat boots of the vigilante entered the room. You looked past his feet and out the door, hoping to not find the man who’d tried to attack you. Thankfully, he was gone. Only a small smattering of blood was left behind on the pavement. A shallow breath escaped you.

You felt Red’s piercing eyes on you as he shut the door behind him.

“I told you to lock it,” he said, helmet whirring. He stopped a few paces into the room, but it felt like his presence loomed above you.

The invisible clock ticked in tandem with your pulse. Slowly, you met his waiting gaze. You didn’t know what to say. He was still kind of an untrustworthy asshole, right?

*

Jason watched you attempt to process the events of the last hour. Your energy was lacking, mismatched to the first time he’d met you. He stayed plastered to the farthest wall, trying to keep some space between you.

Shit, why did he say he’d come back? It was Dick’s thing to check on civilians. He was pretty sure whatever came out of his mouth next would make the trauma worse.

“What did you do with them?” came your quiet question.

Jason hadn’t meant to look down, but as soon as he did, your eyes landed on his gloves. The ones spotted with blood. It flaked off each time he clenched his knuckles.

“Took care of it,” he said. He crossed his arms, feeling the scars on his hands burn under your assessment.

Whatever answer you found in between the lines had your form relaxing slightly. Some of his discomfort diminished with yours, although he remained stock-still.

Jason watched you awkwardly pick at the invisible lint on your sleeves. In the back of his mind, the actions felt familiar. He took a moment to observe his surroundings. It was a normal motel room, aside from the person huddled in the same position as before he left. Guilt gnawed at the frayed edges of his mind about how bad a job he was doing to soothe you.

Not that anyone would expect better. He wrenched away from the thought.

You rested your chin on your knees before hesitantly asking, “Do you know who they were?”

That caught him off guard. It was both a hope and a horror to acknowledge that crime like this wasn’t as widespread elsewhere. “Sex traffickers,” he said charily.

“What?”

A wince overcame your face, like you were confused by his explanation. Interested, Jason’s head tipped and he leaned a little closer. The movement made your skittish eyes snap back to him. He paused but continued to regard you quizzically.

“Oh... right,” you said, attempting to keep him in place. You weren’t good at hiding whatever bothered you.

Carefully, he tried again, aiming for an even tone. “Did you... know him?”

“No!” you said, all too quickly. “I don’t think so...” you muttered to yourself, chin dipping as you got tangled in your own mind.

Jason was definitely put off by this answer. Disgust churned in his stomach, considering the worst. Were you a victim before this? It would make sense, he thought, looking over your sunken cheeks and frail body. Maybe that’s why you’d been getting into trouble? But how’d you get into it—in Gotham—in the first place?

Feeling his rising apprehension, you promptly changed the topic. “So, do you want pizza as a thanks?” you offered. “Although we’re even now.”

Jason tapped his helmet.

You frowned. The look you gave almost made him laugh, too—it rivalled Alfred’s are you fucking stupid? face.

“I know,” you said, your brows still furrowed. It was shaken off as you reached up to the bedside table and pulled down a wad of tissues. Laying them out, you placed a few slices onto the ‘plate.’

“Take the box.” You held it out to him.

Unbeknownst to you, Jason’s expression pinched. “Don’t eat on the floor,” he muttered, crossing the small space to claim the leftover pizza. You rolled your eyes.

“Sorry, I’ll just go get my finest china out of my backpack.”

The two of you stared at each other in silence for a moment, scrutinising one another. A few seconds passed before you smirked and ducked your head, finding your own joke funny. He wouldn’t admit it if he did too.

Jason retreated to the wall again. He was starting to feel the familiar ache in his body that said it was time to call it a night. “Are you staying long?” he wondered aloud.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” you retorted. He met you with another stare until you said more. “I don’t know. It seems like a good place for an adrenaline rush.”

“S’not a good place,” Jason warned. “You won’t be safe here.”

Shrugging off his concern, you munched on a pizza slice. Inwardly, you contemplated his grave words.

He watched, finding you strange. Not even ten minutes ago you’d been afraid of him, but now you were eating in his presence, eyes barely moving his way. You wilfully ignored his advice, as well. And while he hadn’t forgotten your very first encounter, you didn’t scream willing superhero.

For the first time since he’d arrived, Jason noticed the time flickering on the inside of his helmet, along with a barrage of emergency notifications. Two AM, and he was still here, arguing with you. He heaved a sigh.

“I’m leaving now,” he said abruptly. But it sounded too much like a question to his own ears. He bit his tongue, wanting to correct himself—to sound more in control. Your eyebrow raised.

He breathed deeply, in and out, and then expanded, “I’m needed elsewhere.”

Your jaw moved to agree.

Awkwardly, his eyes dropped to the pizza box in his grip. He tilted it in his hands. “You sure about this?” He wasn’t usually in the habit of accepting gifts.

“Take it.”

Swallowing clunkily, he admitted that it did smell good, even after an hour. With a curt nod, he peeled off the wall. He headed for the door, taking a moment to inspect it for damage as an ode to being dutiful.

Jason only made it out a couple of steps before he realised you’d stumbled after him.

You called out a, “Hey.”

He stopped, inclining his helmet in your direction.

“Um...” you started. When you said no more, he turned around, worry etched into his features. He didn’t voice his concern but his gaze didn’t waver either. He watched you tuck your hands under your armpits uncomfortably.

He was starting to choke on the silence. Usually this was his game. He finally bit out, “What—?”

“Thanks,” you interrupted. I think.

Red looked down at the pizza box. “We’re even, right?” he said lightly.

You laughed. Actually, really, laughed at that.

The adrenaline wearing off, probably, he thought. But his head cocked, absorbing the genuine sound and the curve of your smile that matched it. It’d been a long time since he’d heard someone laugh innocently. It was usually tears and screams and begging.

Jason stifled the nostalgia that began to envelope him. He didn’t—didn’t deserve that. He wasn’t allowed to miss things that were long ruined. Especially when he’d contributed to its downfall.

“Yeah,” you said, returning to your shell. “Yeah.” Even in the ghastly dim lights he saw you scratch nervously, but a small smile remained. “See you never, I guess.”

He nodded in understanding.

*

This time, as soon as the door closed behind Red, you checked the locks. A third incident for the week might cause you to have an actual meltdown.

You kneeled onto the floor to pack up the rest of your food and stuff it into the minifridge. You wiped your greasy hands on the leftover tissues.

You flopped onto the bed like an exhausted snow angel. Frazzled thoughts bombarded you as you stared at the pimpled ceiling tiles. God, you had basically told the Red Hood you were staying in Gotham, right?

Were you? Had your heart made a decision before your brain? Why? It had been nothing but trouble so far.

And more importantly, why had you given away your food?!

It might be easier if one of the tiles plonked you in the head while you slept.

Something occurred to you then. He hadn’t looked even a little bit hurt. The blood hadn’t been his. Was he superhuman?

You pushed away the onslaught of potential rumination.

Throwing off your shoes and jumper, you were tempted to slip beneath the covers without brushing your teeth. You sighed. That wouldn’t be the responsible choice.

Looking over at that pile of donated goods, you eyed the number that sat atop. Deliberating a nonsensical idea, you swooped your phone off the floor. You typed out a message.

Then deleted it.

And re-typed it.

Backspace. Backspace. Backspace.

This was stupid.

You sighed and knuckled at your tired eyes. You settled on a message and hit send. Tossing the phone aside, you got up to fulfil some kind of a bedtime routine.

YOU: He saved me tonight

YOU: Poor bedside manners tbh))

You didn’t like how vulnerable that message was, but... it was the truth, wasn’t it?

The second part was just for your sanity.

*

NW: What happened?

NW: R U OK?

NW: Is he?

That was just a few of the many texts you’d woken to. Your phone had buzzed next to your pillow for who-knows-how-long as you ignored it in favour of keeping your eyes screwed shut.

A tired yawn escaped as you curled onto your side. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you mulled over replying. Nightwing’s impatience had nearly killed your phone battery, so you fished for the cord and plugged it in.

YOU: Yes

YOU: Sex trafficker at the motel. Idk anything else

Just as speedily, you received a response.

NW: Glad ur OK. Sorry about that

YOU: Not yr fault)

God, were you really chatting up a vigilante right now?

It was too early for this.

You put the phone aside even though you itched to talk more. You hadn’t had a good conversation in so long. Your mind lingered on the friends you hadn’t seen in ages.

You snapped back to reality. Second on the agenda was a shower.

*

You emerged fresh from the steam to find you had another text from the masked stranger.

NW: I looked that ) up! I thought it was a mistake

NW: R U Russian?

NW: ))

You snorted at his attempt to figure you out.

YOU: No

He sent you a string of emojis that didn’t make sense but nonetheless put a smile on your face. Was your first friend in Gotham really someone you couldn’t even hang out with? Figures.

Right. Well. Time to figure out something to do with your day.

*

The tumbling of the driers beckoned you towards the peacefulness of sleep. You considered it, slumping into the chair that poked the shit out of you. You sighed, shaking it off. Sleeping was a good way to get what little clothes you had stolen.

You stretched as you stood up. Your bag dragged along the floor as you wandered up to the notice board. Peering at the assortment of things pinned to it, you read over a lost cat and a panty snatcher… You snickered at that. Gross.

Furniture sales, rooms for rent. That one made you stop and think. You needed a room.

With what money? You frowned. You had to figure something out before your luck ran dry—or rather, Nightwing’s generosity.

A headline caught your eye. A crumpled newspaper clipping read ‘Copplepot Hung Out to Dry, Loses Millions Thanks to the Red Hood.’ Underneath was a description of a drug trade turned bloodbath. Interesting. His penchant for violence was becoming obvious and it unsettled you.

You continued scanning. ‘HELP NEEDED’ drew you in next.‘Page required for GC Public Library. Apply within.’

You had no idea what a library page was, other than in the literal sense. You tittered to yourself about the stupid thought. But a library was quiet—safe, right? You could keep your head down and hopefully out of the way of vigilantes with an affinity for catastrophe.

You hoped the ad wasn’t old before you tore it free and stuffed the paper into your bag. Looking over the clothes you wore, you decided that a change into something without holes was necessary before venturing off.

So, you sat back down, knees pulled up, anxiously pawing at your pants. There was still another fifteen minutes on the timer before the load dried. With your wistful gaze staring out the foggy window, you tracked the people that shuffled by.

*

Surprisingly, the library had a line-up. You eavesdropped, praying it wasn’t about the job. Karma was on your side as it seemed people were just disgruntled over their overdue book loans.

A few more queries passed before it was your turn. You tried to plaster a friendly smile across your face and stepped forward.

“Hello,” you said as the librarian helper looked up. They raised an eyebrow, caught off guard by the not-Gotham accent. It wasn’t even in the realm of American.

“What can I do for you?” they asked after a brief pause.

You introduced yourself, then pulled out the flyer. “I’m interested in this position, if it’s available?”

They looked down at it and hummed. “Oh, yes. It’s still open.” They looked back up at you. “Have you ever worked in a library before?”

You had completely forgotten the part where you might need a résumé. You grew nervous but held your arms at your side without fidgeting. “Not recently, but I used to work in the library during university,” you answered. A slight lie. You’d never actually gone to any classes before… everything. But you had helped at least once in a previous lifetime.

The desk person tapped their nails thoughtfully, looking you over. You felt them inspect your face, probably wondering if you were even old enough to trust. “And you know how to sort?”

“Yes,” you said, absolutely full of shit. But that’s what Google was for anyway.

They nodded, seemingly content with that. “Alright. It’s only part time and eight dollars an hour,” they warned. “But paid weekly.”

You smiled again gratefully. It was definitely lower than you expected but you needed it. “That works for me,” you reassured.

“Good,” they nodded again. “My name is Dorothy. Please come in tomorrow at ten.”

“Okay,” you agreed, “thank you very much! See you then.”

With parted goodbyes, you decided to grab a celebratory snack.

*

“Now if that isn’t the saddest sack of shit meal I’ve ever seen!” came a voice suddenly bellowing into your ear. You squeaked, almost falling off the wobbly stool. You turned your head to see a giant redhead man at your side, baseball cap worn backwards.

“What the hell is this, Francine?” he continued to shout at the waitstaff.

First of all, you were confused, and a little offended. It’s not like you’d gotten a signing bonus to spend.

Francine—you assumed—rolled her eyes at him. “Customer’s always right, Roy.”

He scoffed. “Get them a proper thickshake.” He winked at you then. “My treat.”

You were taken aback. What kind of dream sequence was this? Were you still sedated? You pinched yourself.

“Ain’t no dream, baby! Just the Roy Harper experience,” he winked again, making your mouth press into a line. However, his face crumpled into shock as he received a backhand from behind. “Hey!” he cried, turning around to face the woman who hit him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Roy?” she started. The woman had a tall, menacing stature about her, accompanied by an all-black outfit. “Again, seriously?”

He pouted. “I’m being the change Gotham needs.”

“I ought to commit you to Arkham one of these days,” she muttered. “Stop harassing strangers.” She gave him another look before heading back to their table. It was a few metres away from where you sat.

You watched, amused, until your attention was brought forward again. A large glass filled to the brim with whipped cream, sprinkles, and a pretty red cherry was slipped in front of you. Roy handed a cash note over the counter and smiled at you, a little less crazed.

“Shit, I shoulda asked if you’re lactose intolerant,” he mused.

“It’s fine,” you said, still caught off guard. “Um, thanks?”

He beamed. “Not a problem!” When you didn’t say anything else, he said, “Come sit with us if you’re ever feeling lonely.” He shrugged a shoulder in the direction of the table where the woman sat.

You weren’t sure what you were feeling exactly, but any annoyance dissipated when you realised he wasn’t hitting on you. He just had natural anarchic energy. Worse had been said about you, you surmised.

“Cool,” you replied, unsure. “Maybe later?”

“Like I said, any time.” He knocked the table with his knuckles assuredly and then spun around to meet his companion once more.

You re-focused on eating your toast and soup. It was pretty damn delicious, in spite of Roy’s insults. You listened to the fuzzy jukebox music and quiet chatter. The strobing, yellow overhead lights pulled your wandering eyes this way and that. How Gotham had shown you the absolute best and worst of itself in a week was beyond you.

When the toast was done, you stared at the shake. Maybe you could take it over. The offer was real, surely. You peeked over at their table. Roy immediately waved, looking ready to haul ass back over to you at the first pique of interest.

God, that was a little embarrassing. You pulled your sleeves tightly over your hands and stood up. You committed to an air of confidence as you marched on over with your glass.

“Hi,” you said when you reached them.

“Hello, again,” Roy greeted hastily. “C'mon, sit,” he pleaded, scooting over.

You eyed his friend, not wanting to invite yourself in poor taste. She nodded.

“You’re welcome to sit.” She added, “Excuse that golden retriever of a man.”

Roy seemed to take that as high esteem and beamed. You sat down.

“I’m Donna,” his friend introduced herself.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you said, looking between them. You let them know your name and finally took a sip of your drink. That seemed to make Roy even happier. “Is everyone always this generous in Gotham?” you reflected aloud.

Donna looked between you two, brows furrowed. “No, definitely not. I would usually warn against trusting friendly strangers.”

Roy glared at her, then turned to you, eyes inquisitive. “What do you mean ‘always’?”

“I’ve had good luck with the people since I got here,” you said with a one-shouldered shrug.

“That's unusual,” Roy murmured, scratching his jaw. “Guess my movement’s catching on!”

Donna scoffed, hiding the smile that fought to show. The small spat made you smile too. “So, what brings you here?” she asked. You knew they meant to Gotham, but you redirected it.

“Celebrating.”

“Oh, yeah?” Roy piped up. “What are we celebrating?”

“I got a job,” you answered, somewhat modestly. It wasn’t anything special.

“Hell yeah! Money!” Roy boomed, holding his glass up for a cheers. With a roll of your eyes, you copied him, enjoying the enthusiasm that didn’t feel loaded. Donna joined in a little less excitedly, but congratulated you nonetheless.

[shtern-and-art]

Back again with more questions about the au!! XD

And don't worry, we all love your long responses!! The more you say about the au the more interesting it becomes :D

Do Skeppy and Bad need to eat? If so, do they have favourite foods and can they cook?

Does Skeppy have pets of any sort? Does he like animals or have any that he particularly fears? I find the idea of Bad comforting him after a not so nice encounter super cute!

It's pretty obvious they hate the littering teens but what about little kids. Does Bad often lure then deep into the forest to see all the prettiest flowers and cute animals? Has he ever tried to adopt one before realising that wouldn't be a very good idea.

Does Skeppy get defensive about the forrst when he's in the town, like cutting off people who try to say it's a horrible place, or is he good at controlling his emotions?

Do either of them actually need sleep or is it just for fun (or in Bad's case a way to pass time). Does Skeppy ever sneak into the forest depths to nap alongside Bad? Is Skeppy considered short by humans? I assume Bad teases him for being tiny since he's pretty damn tall/large (defending on form) himself.

Also do you have a favourite animal? N who's your favourite to draw in this au?!

Once again, so many questions '>_<. I always look forward to updates for in the dark, all the extra bits are so cool to learn about! I'll probs have even more after a while too haha. Hope you have a great day!! <3

Oh, that's a relief! Gonna ramble freely now :D

And, yes, hello, the questions! (with doodles now!)

1) Food.

Bad doesn't really need rest or nourishment (his health is connected to the forest), but he indulges in both. Sleep, yes, he uses to pass the time (or have dreams, for the heck of it). And the desire to get food or hunt is part of the instincts leftover from all the times he connected to the forest animals for a long time. Desire to eat food though is purely his own, as a person and not a spn creature :D

Back when he was a human, he could cook pretty good, and I bet his favorites were pastries and steak. Nowadays, in the forest, he can eat meat pretty much any day, raw or otherwise. So, after being awake and coherent for long enough time, and reconnecting with himself a bit, Bad will miss eating baked stuff way more than any other food.

And, yes, getting fresh muffins is one of the reasons/leverages Skeppy might try to lure Bad to hang out in the town.

Rat eats and sleeps too, but Bad isn't sure if she does it out of necessity or habit.

Skeppy, oh, he is one of those people who can burn water. In part, the blame goes to his nature - or his lack of control over it - chaos inducing tendencies do not go well with following recipes.

Which is unfortunate, seeing how he does need to eat, and sleep, and so on. Sure, he can last way longer without any of those things than a human would, but he still needs them to survive.

So, his favorite food is pizza, and all home-cooked meals stayed in the past, when Skeppy still lived with his family.

2) Sleep.

So, yes, Skeppy needs to sleep! But I'd say he will not go out to the forest at night for it. Not at first, at least.

First time, he just stayed out for a long time, very far back from the forest's edge. And the forest is so dark, it’s hard to judge the time in it at evening hours… By the time Skeppy noticed that it got very late, the whole journey back would’ve taken him too long to get a good rest at home. But, really, he didn’t have to make it. Nothing in these woods would hurt him, as long as Bad is around, and he’s… here, Bad’s around. And he knows the best moss-covered nooks between the roots, and is very, very warm all the time, and is kinda worrying anyway… Bad knows his woods are safe for Skeppy, but he doesn’t want him going around town at night when Skeppy is distracted and tired.

And this is how the first sleepover happens: with Skeppy declaring he’s stealing Bad’s cape to burrito himself in for the night, and (after the pretend-fight about it), doing so while Bad is still wearing it. It turns out for the better though, because the cape is not that warm, even if cozy, but Bad very much is. Enough to sleep nicely through the night, and dream of the vastness of the forest, the quiet peace of earth underneath, and of the tree branches reaching for the sky, to pass on the wishes tied to them further.

Bad doesn’t sleep that night, just watches over the snoring cape-caterpillar snuggled to his side (in a very not-creepy way, oh no). He puts some old dry leaves in Skeppy’s hair to make fun of him in the morning, and totally doesn’t scare him, when Skeppy half-wakes up early in the morning to a glowing milky white eyes of not really human looking Bad staring right at him.

Next time Skeppy stayed out in the forest for too long, and had to spend the night, he maybe did it almost kinda half consciously on purpose. Because he wasn’t sleeping well, and the loneliness and the stress of life were getting to him a bit, and. He is very much touch starved. And the dreams he had in the forest last time were pretty nice too. Like resting so close to Bad let Skeppy feel what he feels, perhaps? Anyway. It was nice. But he couldn’t just ask for stuff like that right upfront then, so the shame and creativeness lead his way.

At some point he will ask to sleep near Bad upfront, though (:

3) Kids.

Oh, little kids Bad doesn't mind. Also he remembers too much about being human to lure kids away, or think having one at the forest will be a good idea :D I'd say, if some little kid gets away from their parents or a common walking path, Bad could lead them back instead. Send them to chase after a bunny or a pretty butterfly, leading the child back to safety.

Bad never shows himself to the kids, and there is a bit of self-deprecation in this. Just like there is a bit of kindness in the way he treats people, despite always showing how angry and done he is with them.

That is a weird, interesting contradiction Skeppy is very fascinated with.

4) Height.

Skeppy is short by human standards :D And his less human form is even shorter, so Bad absolutely makes fun of him for that. Oh, I'm sorry "lightly teases him, with no mean intent to it at all" (c) Bad, smiling with all his long, sharp teeth

5) Skeppy and the townsfolk.

After knowing Bad for a while, knowing how Bad sees the forest, and how, despite his anger, Bad still can't help but watch out for some people of the town too... Yes, with all that, Skeppy will find himself getting angry at times over people bad-mouthing the forest.

But he can't really talk back here. After all, it was him, and his mischief that reawakened old rumors, old fears, made people more paranoid about the forest than they were before.

Skeppy's little pranks took hold, and him being in town and going around the forest doesn't let people forget how scary and dangerous this place can be.

So yeah, before he lets himself properly call out someone about being mean to the forest, Skeppy gotta face all that. Fun times :D

6) Favorite animal and fav. character to draw.

I think I like to draw Bad more, because he can shapeshift, and the horns/branches are fun to twist around :D But I liked doing Skeppy's reality breaking effects too!

And idk if I can pick one favorite animal :D I just really like snakes, cats, orcas, and all corvids.

Thank you, this ask really made my day! Even if it took me a bit to answer it XD

---

In The Dark - masterpost

[wychive]

𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 — 𝙡. 𝙟𝙮. (#𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙠𝙛𝙣)

fic type // oneshot — 3.9k

prompt // when an individual is born, their magic aura makes itself present indicating what magic they would be using. very few were born with a dark magic aura and died within their first breaths, you were one of the two recorded births that made it. now you were searching for the other one

pairing(s) // juyeon x gn!reader (pltn.)

genre(s) // PG18 & adventure, fluff, angst

warning(s) // knives, stabbing (in a dream), nightmares, mention of food, depiction of anxiety, description of smells, being drunk, deceased major and minor characters, blood, corpses

author's note // it's finally here! i've been working on this for a few weeks already and that's why it's so late :'( thank you to @omigogames for proof reading this ily queen 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 this was for @kpopficsnetwork' s halloween event that they held last october <3 please read the rest of the member's works on the event! i recommend listening to wandering and as the world caves in (at the angsty parts) while reading this as it really sets the mood. i hope you enjoy!!

you wiped the drop of sweat off your forehead as you approached the top of a hill. you sat down on the grassy floor and took out a flask still full of drinking water. you downed a quarter of it, feeling your body re energize as you do so. you never thought it would take this long to search for them.

how many months has it been? five? six? you've lost count, having to travel miles across the world just to find the hidden treasure you've been seeking for years. see, you were born with a 'unique' aura. everyone has their own which determines what kind of magic they would be using for the rest of their lives. your family had the common ice or water elementals but you turned out to be the black swan in a ballet full of snowy white ones.

you were born with an aura that was powerful enough to cause a black out, in other words, you had a dark magic aura and somehow managed to survive throughout the years. your mother was no different from the rest but she tried her best to guide you on controlling your powers or even combine your magic powers with hers to make an elemental combo. she died two years before you went on this journey to find the one only other person who successfully survived their own birth of having this magic aura. the only things you knew about them were that they were at least 20 years older and that they were born as a female.

the fact that only you and one other person have this magical ability made you think about them day and night. were you their soulmate? or did they think of you too? were they a kind or evil person? did they ever confuse people like you did? were they affected by society's comments that they're now shut away in some dungeon? you could go on and on for days about this special person even though you haven't met them yet. you were eager to find them, even if it took you years to do so.

as you wondered about the unique person, you stared into the dark abyss with shining dots, not realising your eyelids were shut soon after. that night you dreamt of all the possible outcomes this journey would end, mostly happy endings where you would find the person and be their friend or you get to spend the rest of your life with them. you did not want to think of the sad ones, yet your mind wanted to see you suffer. nightmares were common as they came with your dark powers but you still hated it when they disturb your perfect sleep. with that, you woke up from a nightmare just as the person was about to strike a knife in your chest.

the pain felt so real that as soon as you woke up, your hand clutched onto your chest. luckily (or not so) you heard the uniform paced heartbeat from your eardrums. this caused you so much as you did not even see that the sun was just above the horizon, greeting the earth a good morning. you sighed in relief as you thank the universe for not getting you eaten by a wild animal.

you stood up, stretching your arms and legs after another night of sleeping on a thick cloth. you packed up your things and placed your sturdy backpack on you before starting your trekking journey. you checked your phone for any updates or news of the world that was not so boring as you began to walk south towards a small town. once approaching the main road, you slipped your phone back into your front pocket before following the flow of cars.

a smile appeared on your face, looking at how idle the town was at eight in the morning. it wasn't so noisy as most of the cars had stopped at diners or cafes for a tasty breakfast. the only things you could hear were people greeting each other with a simple 'hello' and the birds that had just been awoken from their slumber.

you checked the amount of money you had left; apparently, it was enough for you to last three days for all three meals and then it was downhill from there. you shook your head, thinking of ways to earn at least a little bit of money before moving to another town (if you needed to). your eyes drifted from the trees to the bakery that was on the opposite side of the road.

you could see the silhouette of a person placing buns in their respective containers. the person was in chef whites, with their sleeves rolled above their elbows. you really didn't want to catch feelings for anyone at the moment, especially in this state of being homeless and short on money. nonetheless, you were hungry and so you decided that you wanted some fresh baked buns on a saturday morning like this.

as you walked into the cozy bakery, you noticed a variety of desserts and buns arranging from croissants to baked pizza buns. the aroma in the air made your stomach growl. you took one of the pick-up trays and a pair of tongs and immediately went for the custard and red bean buns.

"oh my god," a voice exclaimed followed by a bit of coughing. "why do you smell so bad?"

you brought an arm to your nose, smelling yourself. you actually didn't smell half-bad. it only has been a day since you showered properly, how could it be that bad? you rolled your eyes as you looked in the direction of the voice. ah, it was the silhouette from earlier.

"is this how you greet customers?" you shot back, raising one of your eyebrows.

"no, of course not," the person said. "but your stench is unbearable." they scoffed and shook their head, giving a smug expression.

"well, i'll only be here for just a bit. don't worry about it, i'll be out before your regulars arrive," you said, assuring that you WOULD be out before anything else happened.. but you did not. as you didn't expect the prices of food to be that high.

"look at this place," the employee said, leaning his palms against the edge of the counter. "what did you expect?"

he was right, the place looked like it was straight up from a renaissance painting with its mini chandeliers and pink roses on the sides as decorations. it did look like a modern cafe twisted with some hint of the classics.

"is there anything i could do? to pay for this i mean," you asked them, hiding your embarrassment of the lack of money.

"depends… what kind of element do you use?"

"...ice," you lied. no one would want a rare dark element in their place.

"hm.. i guess we could use some ice making help," they thought, then looked back at you who seemed desperate for the job. yes, it would hold you back on a few days but you really needed the money.. and a place to stay if they let you.

"okay, then. you're hired," they said as they lent out a hand for you to shake. it was covered in leftover flour and smelled like yeast. you grabbed his hand and shook it.

"the name's juyeon, and you?"

"y/n… i'm guessing you're a fire user?" you replied. it was obvious as he was cocky, yet a charming fella. you could say a demon in disguise.

"clever, i like that in people," he smirked, his face looked smug and it really pissed you off- but he might be your new manager or boss so you stuck up to it and let out a simple fake chuckle. "any other questions?

"do i get a place to stay along with the job?"

"no but you could stay over at my place," he acknowledged. your eyes dart around the room before they landed on him, as you let out a laugh.

"excuse me?"

"you heard me. i have a spear bed and everything," he said. you were baffled, it seemed like he didn't care if you were a serial killer, plus, he only knew your first name and what 'element' you responded to. what were you going to do?

"fine," you said, already looking forward to the comfort your body was going to feel once you finally sleep on a mattress.

"alright then, let's get to work barista."

as you both get to his apartment, you gazed at your surroundings. everything looked neat, and not a spick of dust were to be seen. you look at the mini hallway in the studio apartment of his and see two doors, opposite of each other and another at the end of it. before you could even step foot in the kitchen, the male pulled you aside. your reflexes almost caused you to punch his stupid face when you remembered that you were just a guest at this comfort place of his.

"rules," he said, in a stern voice. "one, not too much noise between eleven at night to six in the morning. two, don't use too much of the hot water because i'm touched starved too-"

you rolled your eyes at his last remark, acknowledging that it was a cruel true joke. "-three, save some snacks for me if you're planning to eat it all and four, we leave the bakery together and come back together. i'm not sure who your guardian is but, i'll make sure you're in one piece once you return to them"

"i'm my own guardian, excuse you."

"still, your safety is guaranteed when you're with me," juyeon claimed. you thought it was rubbish but still, he had a bigger brother vibe with the way he spoke and so you went with the flow.

"the left one's mine, the last one's the bathroom," he said, referring to the hallway of doors you were staring at. the muffled sound of news reporters from the television drowned itself in the background when you close the door behind you. a smile appeared on your face as you got to have your own room, without juyeon ever bugging you.

you place your heavy army backpack beside the door as you lay on the bed that was neatly made. you smiled, finally having a proper place to sleep. you thank god for the (annoying) co-worker that you met that day. you didn't even have a chance to shower before your thoughts drifted away, causing you to sleep.

the next morning, juyeon woke you up by shouting your name from the kitchen multiple times. you groaned at the sound of his voice at seven in the morning when you were used to waking up at nine. you sat up and started your day from there. thankfully, it wasn't too exhausting.

a morning walk to the cafe bakery was thankfully peaceful with the both of you not being the big social type nor the small talk type. the warm rays of sunlight made your morning so much better. you began working at the bar, where you produced many types of tea and other refreshing drinks. you managed to conjure up ice easily with some tricks your mother taught as a child.

you introduced yourself to the regulars as a new employee at the place and they politely welcomed you to the town and cafe. their smiles were genuine and sweet, they gave off a motherly feel whenever it appeared. yours, too, was genuine. you missed being in a community like this, so dearly that you almost teared up at the sight of a child being kind to you.

the night was better. the walk back to his place was filled with stories about the regulars that juyeon had been told. you had inserted some dull dad jokes here and there, making him let out a chuckle at least once.

once you both arrived at the apartment, you immediately went to get your shower supplies and headed to the bathroom. while showering, you thought of ways you could find her faster. you have tried multiple ways but still couldn't find solid proof of her whereabouts. you sighed scrubbing the bubbly shampoo onto your scalp. you could ask juyeon for help but your identity would be revealed and he might just kick you out for that. maybe, just maybe, you could keep this act up? for a little longer. at least until you get enough money to live on your own.

that was what you did for the next few months, keeping your act up for the rest of the world. you were careful not to reveal too much of yourself, not spreading too much information across to other people, not even juyeon. even if you had secrets, he still treated you as normal as everyone else. though, he did seem weird at times as if he could read your thoughts. this scared you as it wasn't impossible to learn occlumency even if it took time. over time, you and juyeon developed this best friend bond with each other; protecting and having each other's backs when needed. of course, he was the same person as the one you met on your first day around town which left a sense of comfort in you.

a nightmare dressed as a daydream was what you were as you would sneak out on nights before non-working days. you had to let out a piece of your dark powers out somehow. even if you knew how to conceal them, it didn't mean you could control them forever. you found a cave in the far east where no one would hear nor see you, and so that became your little relaxation cave.

not so long after, you found out that there was a man who could find things you couldn't. some say he had connections to the deeper net or even that he was related to some who were part of an underground gang. nonetheless, it didn't stop you from seeing the fella once a week or two. this method made itself a purpose as he gave you more information than any general person could; her hometown, her family members, and so much more.

it seemed like a miracle, though you never thought that she would have children, more than that of a son and a daughter. a fact that surprised you was that she had the same surname as your roommate. that was all the information he had, it was not much but you still thanked him for it. your night-ventures continued on, exploring the town and gathering bits of information through drunken folks at the tavern.

you would get home just before dawn and sleep until noon. of course, the male you lived with would nag you on waking up late but he never really cared either. he loved to see your bite back with your poor choice of words. everything felt right and everything felt okay, you were in peace with the world.

"where are you going?" his voice emerged from the darkness, causing your body to jump.

"i'm just gonna get some drinks," you answered, in a confident tone as you bit your inner bottom lip.

"are you going to go see him again?" juyeon asked, snickering along with his words. "don't think i don't know what you're up to."

his statements and questions made your mind run wild; how did he know? why didn't he ever stop you? did he understand what you were doing? did someone tell him? you became a still worried mess, not knowing what to say nor do. you were stuck in a pose as if medusa were to turn you into stone.

"please, just tell me where you're going tonight, or bring me with you," he said, his voice groggy as if he had woken up from a short sleep.

"no, i'm sorry, juyeon," the words flew out of your mouth as your thoughts re-organized themselves. "you can't"

"why not?" he asked, once again. at this point his questions seemed like an endless stream of cloth.

"because- you just can't," you sighed, relaxing your shoulders and going up to him. you didn't have any excuses because you weren't used to lying so much to someone who you cared for. "it's dangerous if you do, please just listen to me."

he sighed deeply as he always does before he nags. "i want to listen to you, y/n, but you going off in the middle of the night and coming home late isn't… so you. do you need to talk? or something. i know i'm not good with comfort but i'm here for you if you need to let out anything at all."

you felt broken, because you knew how much he longed for this type of relationship. he had told you about his sister that passed not so long ago and how much he adored her. you were about to say something when he placed his hands on your arms and gripped them, as a sign to not leave him.

"could you just tell me? please? i promise it would be a secret," he pleaded, truly worrying about what became a routine.

"you should sleep, juyeon. you have work tomorrow," you tried to avoid answering the question as much as possible but he made it so hard.

"i just want to know-"

"juyeon, you don't need to know. it's nothing important. you don't need to worry about me, alright? i promise i'll be okay," you said, in a sensible tone. you heard sniffles from the male that stood before you, as his grip on your arms loosened. he cracked a smile which held in pain mixed with joyful memories.

"you sound just like her," he said, in a shaky tone. he sounded weak, and you could see the pool of tears around his eyes. in that moment, you felt your breath turn shallow. you closed your eyes and immediately embraced the bigger man into a tight hug. you knew who he was referring to as he would do it so often when you opened your mouth to say anything. "you're like her" or "you act like my mother, you know that?", he always stated these in a cheery manner, but seeing him shatter like this made your heart wrench.

you decided to skip your night shenanigans when you lead him towards his room. you've never been in it but stepping into it, felt so cozy as if it were a cold breeze on a hot summer day. you sat him down on the edge of his bed, seeing his tears turn into a gold-ish colour. you sighed, seeing this side of him. you always saw the bright sunflower yellow but not this burnt out maroon red. you sat in silence as his sniffles calmed down.

the balcony door let in a ray of moonlight which shone on the boy beside you. you turned to look at him, and saw a grin emerge from his lips.

"thank you," he said in a whisper-tone. "for being here, y/n."

juyeon stared at the pale full moon that was on display for the people of the earth. "i'll always be here," you say, holding his hand. it was a nice intimate moment for the both of you. the state of serenity made you think about the things that led up to this right here and it was all because of a person whom you've never met.

"y'know.. she had the same powers as you," juyeon said, sipping his hot chocolate. you both were seated at the kitchen island with hot cocoas and mini marshmallows. it was almost four in the morning and so you both decided to stay up a little bit more, as if the sands of time didn't take precious hours of rest.

"she was a frost user as well?," you asked him, eager to know his family background.

"no," he said, chuckling before stuffing a few marshmallows into his already rich drink. you sat there, with one lifted eyebrow. "what are you talking about exactly?" you asked, warming your hands as it cupped the mug in front of you.

"you know what i mean," he said, holding in a deceiving smirk. your eyes widened and your hand gripped onto the mug handle. it wasn't the fact that he had discovered your hidden powers nor how he had hid the information that he knew your powers but it was the fact that the person that you were looking for all this time had died.

all the traveling and suffering lead you to this moment had been for nothing? you did all of this for her, and yet you turned into a sobbing mess when you visited her grave. juyeon held you close as you weeped when you saw her headstone. it absolutely broke you even if you've never even seen her nor heard her. he stayed strong for you when your head was buried into his chest. he could even feel the mix of rage and sadness as your powers seemed to leak from your tears.

"i miss her too," he spoke up, still caressing your weak state. "i'm sure she would have adored you so much, y/n"

your feelings got the best of you and soon every noise stopped, with only an ever-lasting ring in your ears. your tear-filled eyes opened to see a ring of dark purple surround you like a globe with your feet dangling in the air. it was a new, unspoken sight to see but what had happened outside the bubble was a new horror to you.

juyeon was laying on the ground, upon the many other graves. his skin covered with burnt marks of some kind, and his chest area covered with blood spots which may came from bullets. your bubble disappeared as you jumped down on the ground, going over to his lifeless body as fast as you could.

"y/n.." he said, breathless. "i'll be okay."

"but.."

"they'll be here soon."

you were confused on what he was referring to - not until you heard police and ambulance sirens coming from a distance. you cupped his face which managed to give you a small grin even in his hurtful state. "don't leave. don't leave me please."

"you need to run, y/n"

"stop. stop.. saying that," you pleaded, with some of your leftover tears dripping onto his burnt clothing. you could hear his last breaths too, which made it harder for you to ever leave his side.

"i'll see you later.. alright?" he asked, as his final words. his body fell to limp in your arms, when your tears started flowing like a never ending river. the sirens were coming closer at the scene of the crime, and there you sat, clutching onto him with your last hope of humanity. you didn't care about the police nor the property you destroyed, you lost him. you lost HIM.

in that moment, the world stayed still with no promise that it was going to spin again. your head felt dizzy as your limbs felt numb. you knew it only had been a few minutes but it felt like centuries with your silenced screams. you didn't want to be outcast, you were already alone in the world with no one else you could call for help. everyone else had their counterparts but all you had was yourself. you hated the thought of being lonely and so you stayed there, weak, just to feel something worth living for.

[samingtonwilson]

Apartment 8C - Chapter 4

The First, First Date

SERIES MASTERLIST // PREVIOUS PART

Summary: college au. you and bucky are the closest of friends, the most functional of roommates, and… exes. but just because it didn’t work out romantically doesn’t mean he has to move out! it’s not like he’s so deeply in love that he can barely breathe. totally not in love. at all. not even a little. maybe.

Pairing: bucky x reader

Warnings: LANGUAGE, the use of marijuana/pot/weed/reefer/that loud

A/N: i had a bad thought while writing this chapter and i’m not going to share it with y’all because that might put y’all off this story. actually fuck it, i’ll share the thought. isn’t it so weird how obsessed we all are with love? like these are college students with so much more happening in their lives but they’re sitting around and always talking about love. and a lot of us do that shit too. weirdos. 

There’s a knock at the door and Bucky replies to it with a groan. A loud, I don’t give a fuck if the neighbors hear me kind of groan. 

Slumped on the couch, phone balanced on his stomach and remote control set on his thigh, he very nearly snarls. He doesn’t bother to pick up either electronic as he stands, letting his phone fall face down on the area rug while the remote knocks against its corner with a clang. 

His journey to the door is comprised less of steps and more of a slide, a glide, a bit of a skate. He’s thankful he kept his socks on and unlocks the door, eyes half-lidded and heavy head tilted back. “The delivery instructions said to text and leave the bag at the door, not to knock and make me get up.” 

“That how you talk to delivery people? They should ban your sorry ass from Doordash.” 

He straightens his head and glares at Steve— smirking, smug, smart ass Steve who holds a large brown paper bag in one hand and a six pack in the other. It somehow makes Bucky frown deeper. “You intercepted my delivery?” 

“And brought you beer,” he holds the cardboard case up and shakes it, smiling. 

That smile fades, however, when he pauses in thought for a moment. He frowns then, indignant. Pushes Bucky out of the way to cross the threshold into the apartment. “So, you know, you’re fuckin’ welcome, you ungrateful jerk.” 

A sigh and Bucky shuts the door. He watches as Steve appraises the room and feels no shame at the look of disgust on Steve’s face. Instead, he rolls his eyes when Steve fully faces him. “I don’t want to hear it.” 

“You clean out your fridge? It broken or something?” Steve asks. He sets the bag and beer onto the coffee table, shuts Bucky’s dead laptop that he hasn’t bothered to charge. Steve then places Bucky’s phone and the remote control on the couch and begins to gather the empty take out containers still cool from the refrigerator. 

Bucky grits his teeth at the sight. “Steve, just— What the hell are you doing?” 

“Picking all this shit up so we can eat and watch the game,” there’s a cheerful lilt through his words. He sends a smile Bucky’s way, humor in the blue of his eyes, as he passes to toss the containers into the trash. “Thanks for asking, Buck. What the hell are you doing?”  

“I—” Bucky still stands by the door. His arms are crossed over his chest, his brow furrowed in incredulity when Steve crosses to the couch once more and falls into the cushions with a sigh of relief. “Steve, I’m not in the mood today, man.” 

“In the mood for what?” The volume of the television is turned up, Steve hugs the elephant cushion to his chest. “You were gonna watch the game anyway, so was I. Might as well do that in the same place and eat a li’l somethin’ while we’re at it.” 

Bucky’s sigh is one of defeat. He takes steps back to the couch rather than skating over, and sits beside Steve with a mumbled, “I didn’t order anything with your fat head in mind.” 

Steve leans forward to pull the bag open, paper crinkling as he pulls a sandwich from the depths. He tosses what remains in the bag onto Bucky’s lap. “Stopped at a deli on the way here. Don’t know what the fuck you’re eating but it smelled like dog shit.” 

He smiles to himself. Wryly. “What deli you stop at?” 

“Shelsky's.” There’s pride in Steve’s voice. Arrogance in his posture. “I didn’t want to cheap out and settle for something worse.”

“That’s where I ordered from, you fucking snob.” 

“Must’ve ordered something nasty then.” 

A sarcastic hum of agreement and Bucky shakes his head. He narrows his eyes at the television as Steve flips through the channels in an attempt to find something more entertaining than the advertisements currently airing on Fox. “Why’re you really here?” 

“It’s Thursday night,” he replies, using a keychain to pop the cap on a bottle of beer. “Titans are playing the Jags.” 

“You don’t care about either of those teams.” 

Steve drops his smile now. He scowls and settles back on Fox, unsatisfied. “Can’t a guy eat a sandwich, drink a beer, and watch a game with a friend without the third degree?” 

“Couldn’t have done that with Sam?” 

“I do a variation of this with Sam almost every night. Wanted to spend time with you today.” 

“But—” 

“Buck, for shit’s sake, let me be here for you without making us both live through me saying why.” He reaches forward to pull another beer from the carton, placing it in Bucky’s lap, and slouches back against the soft grey velvet. “And if you wanna talk about it, I’m here for that, too.” 

“What’s there to talk about?” Bucky asks, more rhetorical than expecting an answer. 

There’s a pause as Bucky gazes at the television with practiced focus. His arms fold over his chest again. His knee bounces.

“She’s on a date,” he continues after the lull stretches for too long. “She was going to start dating eventually. I’m okay with it. Happy for her. T’Challa’s a good dude. Good looking, good soccer player. Smart. It’s nice. Good for her. I’m happy for her. She deserves someone like him. I’m happy for her. 

“He actually came to the door. Didn’t text her to meet him downstairs, didn’t show up empty-handed. We both know how uncomfortable she is with actual romantic gestures and I guess he knows, too, because he gave her a Ziploc of peaches like she had in class the day they met. It’s nice. He’s a good dude. I’m happy for her.”

Through the thick silence that falls over them, Steve blinks. “Christ, you know you just spoke for a minute straight without taking a breath? I think you said ‘I’m happy for her’ thirteen times.” 

Bucky’s inhale is loud and pointed, his exhale a huff. He’s no longer interested in eating the sandwich he’d ordered, suddenly full from all the leftovers he’d tucked into just minutes ago. All he wants is for Steve to leave. 

Well. That’s not all he wants. 

But it trumps his other desires. Momentarily. 

“I know you’re happy for her,” Steve says as Bucky parts his lips to tell the former off. Bucky shuts his mouth now, though. And just listens as Steve’s voice grows softer, eyes no longer dancing in humor. “But I know you’re fuckin’ miserable, too.” 

He knows there’s no point denying it. No point denying what’s so plainly written across his face. 

But he tries anyway. “M’not miserable. I’m ha—” 

“You can be both.” Steve, unwrapping the parchment from his sandwich, keeps his eyes on the television. “It’s possible to be happy for her but miserable at the idea of it all deep down. S’why I thought you might wanna move out.” 

“She’d still go on dates if I’d moved out.” 

“You wouldn’t have to watch her going on them.”

“I’m okay with her dating.”

“I’m okay with a lotta things, too. Doesn’t mean I wanna see it all happen in front of me.”

Bucky watches as Steve takes an impossibly large bite out of the sandwich, Russian dressing smearing over his lips. “I’ve got a date, too.” 

“Buck,” Steve’s mouth is full. Horribly so. And Bucky scowls at the sound of his thick voice. “This ain’t a date. Don’t know how many times I gotta tell you. I just don’t feel that way about you, man.” 

A sarcastic smile and even more dry laugh. “Shut the fuck up. I’m talking about Connie.” 

Steve scowls as he swallows. “That perky little brunette from the bar?” 

“Perky?” 

“I can just look at her and tell she was on her high school cheerleading squad.” Around another bite, he adds, “Seems nice enough, I guess.” 

“She is nice.” He pauses only to mumble more to himself, “And emotionally available.”

Steve cocks an eyebrow and briefly looks at Bucky in skepticism. “What, you determined that from just a few days of talking?” 

“On the second day she told me she’s liked me since freshman year orientation.” He sighs your name then. Slowly. Laboriously. “She was somethin’ else entirely. You know how long it took her to admit she liked me?” 

Steve nods upwards and flips the channel when the commentators on the pregame show begin to argue. 

“Took her three months after we started dating to admit she liked me. And she never said it again after that.” 

Steve drags the back of his hand over his lips, wiping off a bit of stray dressing. In visible disgust, he wipes his hand on the discarded butcher paper. “Some people show their feelings rather than say them.” 

Bucky seems to smile at that. Unbeknownst to himself, there’s a slow grin spreading over his lips. 

He thinks of instances. Instances when silence would act as a wall but actions a wrecking ball. 

The morning after your third date when you’d tried your best— despite your absolute inability to cook— to make the breakfast he always orders at the diner in Astoria. 

The eggs were runny in places, burnt in others and the bacon was traumatically floppy under a layer of not-even-close-to rendered fat and added oil. You’d apologized as he scrubbed the pan and plates, bright yellow dish rag waving as you insisted repeatedly that you couldn’t live if you’d given the guy you’d only just begun to date salmonella. 

Independence day when you’d Irish-goodbyed from Steve’s birthday party only twenty minutes after arriving to steal away to the rooftop of Mama Wilson’s brownstone in Harlem. 

You’d said something about fireworks and pizza, a six-pack of beer already snagged off the kitchen counter. Played it off as Sam’s idea, his house keys in the pocket of the navy blue bomber jacket you’d “borrowed” from Bucky. Nothing about Bucky’s hatred of parties at the Rogers-Wilson residence, though. Not even a hint until he overheard your apologies to Sam’s mother for the intrusion— an apology you later denied, kissing him silly to make him forget any further questions. 

The week before you’d broken up— a week Bucky remembers less for the distance you’d successfully created— when you sought comfort in him after a long day. 

Your boots had been kicked off by the door, your bag and its contents scattered beside them. You’d tearfully slurred words together, words he barely caught, in explanation. Something about work, and school, and your mother’s unnecessary opinions about your major and future. Something which forced sobs from your chest as you set your head against his. You’d wrapped your arms around him tightly, the two of you huddled together on his worn barcalounger as he stroked your hair and pressed kisses to the crown of your head. 

It’s well after the game has ended— Steve vengefully chowing down on your once-hidden stash of This is for when I have my period chocolate, Bucky barely paying attention to the episode of The Office the two had resorted to watching— when you come home. 

Hair mussed, lips swollen with gloss smudged every which way, you stumble through the doorway with a laughed, “No more rule-breaking on the first date, T’Challa.” 

The door is shut and locked just as T’Challa begins to respond. You spin and press your back to it, still laughing but quietly, more to yourself. You open your mouth to greet Steve and Bucky, both looking at you in either confusion or amusement, but shut it as a knock at the door cuts you off. 

“I’ll call you,” T’Challa promises through the wood. There’s a chuckle laced through his words, a smile in his voice. 

Exaggeratedly, you scoff. Still grinning however. “Who calls?” 

“I do,” he replies without concern that your neighbors may complain about his volume. “And you’re gonna pick up.” 

“Oh, am I?” 

“Yeah, you are. ‘Night.”

You don’t respond beyond a hum and stand at the door until you’re sure he’s gone. A nod to yourself and you step away as you remove that navy blue bomber jacket to toss it onto the counter. You also toss a smile over your shoulder to Bucky. “You here just to eat my chocolate, Rogers?” 

“No,” Steve says without a glance in your direction. “I ate your ice cream, too.” 

You shut the freezer. Empty-handed. Frowning. “Your stomach’s just a bottomless pit, huh?” 

“I’m a growing boy.” 

“Have I told you how uncomfortable it makes me when you call your grown-ass self a boy?” you remark, settling for a bottle of water from the refrigerator. You pause before shutting the heavy steel door. “You clear out all the leftovers, too?” 

Steve peers at Bucky, the latter stuck in a thoughtful, sad stare, and nods. “Yeah. We’re all out of food at my place and I don’t get paid ‘til tomorrow night.” 

You’re frowning in consideration as you walk to the barcalounger and fall into it sideways, legs swung over the opposite armrest you’ve set your back against. “Fair enough. How was your day, Buck?” 

The question breaks him from whatever daze he’d fallen into and he blinks. Averts a steady gaze when you shift a bit to look at him. “The Jags won.” 

You smile. It’s warm, a little honeyed. “Is that good or bad?” 

“Neutral.” He can’t help but smile himself. It doesn’t even falter as he asks, “How was your date?”

A shrug. Your eyes narrow at Michael Scott as he attempts to toss pizza dough. “T’Challa got a large popcorn at the movies.” 

“Damn, he’s got money.” 

You laugh, startled. Bucky grins when you do, too. “That’s what I said! I also beat your high score at pinball in the theater arcade.” 

“Went on a date with a guy who’s got money, beat my pinball score. You’ve just had a magical day, haven’t you?” 

There’s a softness and affection in the way Bucky speaks and looks at you, your responding giggles just as sweet. Steve, sitting between the two of you, almost feels as if he’s intruding on something, an empathetic ache in his chest as he watches. “Explain the pinball thing.” 

“Bucky and I went to the movies last month and fucked around the arcade while waiting for our showtime. And he got so competitive.” You roll your eyes at the memory. “We ended up missing the movie because he was determined to beat the high score this poor kid had just set when we got there. Took him hours and, like, forty bucks in tokens.” 

“It didn’t take me hours.” 

“We got there in the afternoon and by the time we left, the employees were cleaning the popcorn machines,” your expression and tone leave no room for argument. “Only took me two hours.” 

Steve looks between you two, fighting the urge to scoff at the satisfaction in your eyes and the combination of annoyance and so much adoration in Bucky’s. “Two hours? You miss the movie again?” 

“No, I snuck out before the movie ended. Said I had to pee and went straight to the machine so none of the kids in our auditorium could take it before I got there.” You ignore Steve’s disappointed gaze. “T’Challa was confused and probably unhappy I made him sit there for so long while I played.”

“Probably unhappy?” 

“I didn’t ask.” A nonchalant shrug and you flash them a knowing smile. “Beating Bucky’s score was my priority so I could come in here and casually mention it like I’m not bragging only to bring it up everyday for the rest of his life.” 

Your eyes meet Bucky’s and, at the look you’re giving him, Bucky has to remind himself that the two of you are no longer in a relationship and he can’t just kiss the arrogance away. “Sucker.”

—

It’s a makeup caboodle. 

Pale pink and lime green. A tropical flower sticker pasted to the clasp. There’s a ribbon tied to the handle— deep magenta velvet in a neat bow. 

It’s unassuming. A little innocent looking. Like it should belong to a seventh grader in the nineties just learning how to use glitter eyeshadow and lip balm palettes. 

It’s when you pop it open, the mirror attachment springing up only to reflect Wanda’s skeptical features, that the pungent smell permeates throughout the kitchen and small living room. Skunky, but a little floral. 

A speckled glass pipe, multicolored glaze splattered over a white base, sits in the top compartment alongside a few toothpicks and a package of rolling papers. In the compartment directly below rests a round steel grinder, three-tiered and emblazoned with the engravement of a manufacturer’s name. 

The biggest compartment holds many small glass jars. Tiny mason jars you’d bought at a flea market. All different colors, all labeled with white circular stickers. 

Wanda sits up in her stool at the sight, pulls the caboodle toward herself and sifts through the jars. She removes three of the jars and looks at you with widened eyes. “You’re insane.” 

You shrug and take the grinder when she hands it to you. “I like being organized.” 

“You should see her room,” Bucky says as he shuts his bedroom door behind him, shoes in hand. He smiles at the two of you, beard freshly trimmed to just barely above stubble and eyes a bright blue. “Most organized mess I’ve ever seen.”

You nod, tearing a bit of the sour diesel bud apart to place carefully between the metal teeth in the topmost chamber. You smile at her from your spot atop the counter, legs folded and back pressed against the shelves behind you. “There’s a method to my madness, Wan. Hand me a toothpick.” 

She complies and removes a blue jar without a label. “What’s in this one?” 

“Blue dream. Jar’s blue and I ran out of stickers.” There’s a click as the lid is magnetically snapped back onto the grinder. You twist it to the left twice, then to the right once. “You picking her up or meeting her there?” 

Bucky, leant against the wall as he slips his shoes on, looks up. “What says ‘This is a real date, not a hookup’?” 

“Going to dinner and not having sex after.” 

He replies with a dry laugh and narrowed eyes. “Which of the two options— picking her up or meeting there— says that?” 

“Picking her up.” You tear the stem off the bottom of the bud and place it as a barrier over the hole in the pipe’s bowl. “Might be too late to tell her that now, though.” 

“Already told her I’d pick her up. I was just making sure I did the right thing.” You see his lips spread into a self-satisfied smirk when you finish filling the bowl. “Looks like I did.” 

You smile back, though sarcastically. “Girls like a little humility in the guys they date, you know.” 

“She’s liked me for three years now,” he says. He pulls on a jacket and pats every pocket on him to make sure he’s got his wallet and keys. “She knows what she’s herself getting into.” 

“Bucky, baby, I live with you and I had no idea what I was getting myself into.” 

Wanda snorts a laugh at that, taking the pipe and a bright pink lighter from you. 

Bucky’s eyes fall into a glare. “So normal first dates don’t end in sex?” 

“No, they don’t. Most people actually wait until after the third date. It’s, like, in the dating manual for successful relationships.” 

“Huh,” he breathes. He takes his phone when you remove it from the charger to pass it to him, smiling up at you. “Looks like we were doomed from the start.”

“Maybe.” You watch as Wanda exhales a steady stream of opaque smoke punctuated by a soft cough. You slide her bottle of water to her. “Or maybe we’re the exception to the rule. Apart, we should follow normal date conventions. But together, we were too hot to wait that long.” 

Wanda hands you the pipe and lighter. “What happened to humility?” 

Before sparking the lighter, you answer, “I’m not dating a girl.” 

Your next inhale, once you’ve adequately charred the top layer of pot, burns in your throat and you hold it in your chest. You smile at Bucky when he shoots you a sly grin, lips in a cirlce as you exhale. “Have fun. Don’t order the tiramisu. They skimp on the espresso.” 

He nods once and straightens his jacket. You watch as he unlocks the door, opens it, and steps through with a simple wave. Your eyes remain on the door even after it shuts. 

It isn’t until Wanda’s fingers brush yours that you break your stare. “What?” the question is nearly barked when she offers you a look of something eerily similar pity. 

“Nothing! You just— You look a little lovelorn.”

Your features crumple. “Ew. No, I don’t. I look amazing, you look lovelorn.” 

“Okay, Queen of the land Defensiva,” she mutters once she’s exhaled. “I’m just saying. You were staring at that door like you want to take it home to meet your mother.” 

“Maybe I do. It’s a nice color. I picked the yellow out myself.” 

“Nat told me about that night at the bar. About how Bucky flirted with that Connie chick right in front of you.” She watches as you take a hit and your head lolls back against the shelves. “That must have sucked.” 

“It did.” You trace the bumps on the ceiling and sigh. “But it’s okay. Larger picture, broad scheme of things. It’s okay.” 

“What’s that mean?” 

A shrug. You take a sip from your own bottle of water. “We’re both okay. We’re both moving on, we’re still able to be friends and roommates. I can sit here and watch him go on dates with her if that’s what it takes. A little pain for the larger cause.” 

There’s a beat of silence as Wanda takes a long drag. You break it as you muse, “Do we talk about this shit too much?” 

“Yeah, maybe. Should we order a pizza?” 

--

CHAPTER 5: ARE YOU OVERCOMPENSATING?

[akinnie75]

White Hibernation

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Word Count: 31k...lol

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Extreme Slow Burn, Fantasy

Summary: The tale of the Winter Bear is about a grizzly bear that’s the only bear in the entire world who doesn’t hibernate during winter. He’s considered strong for being able to fight sleep. However, being the only bear awake during winter gets lonely. So during every winter, he makes friends with children and takes their soul to be with him forever. And somewhere down the line, you get involved into the fable.

“Are you fucking kidding me, (Y/N)?!”

Your agent, Lee Suniya, screams from the top of her lungs on the other side of the call. You keep your phone at a safe distance from your ears. You sigh exasperatedly, standing in the center of the living of your cramped, one-bedroom apartment.

Despite Suniya’s aggressive scolding, you only focus on your apartment. It’s early in the morning, never realizing how blue your apartment is. It isn’t necessarily a bold blue, more so a faint blue, naturally peeking through your blinds due to the sunrise barely at its peak. All of your furniture—couch, coffee table, vase, lamp—is white, so it only makes the baby blue stand out more.

Maybe I should change my place up a little, you think to yourself.

However, your plans for redecorating your place are disrupted by the continuous rampage coming from Suniya. Her anger only worsens your annoyance toward her. “Did you not hear a single thing I said?! Is your head empty??”

“No, can you repeat everything?”

Suniya groans frustratedly then goes silent for a few seconds before returning. “Never mind. Did you at least look online?”

Your eyes move down to your laptop that’s sitting by the edge of the white, pristine coffee table. It’s on, and it’s an article called: ‘Winter Bear’: Profiting off of a Child’s Innocence. Underneath the title is the author, (Y/N), (L/N).

“Yea, just a few minutes ago.”

“So. You knew not to write that. But why did you go ahead and do it anyway?” Suniya tries very hard not to grind her teeth, but you can clearly hear it.

You take a seat on the couch right across from your laptop. You set your phone down, putting it on speaker as you scroll through the multitudes of angry comments. There are some that catch your eye, such as ‘How could you write garbage about my daughter’s favorite movie?’, ‘You didn’t even watch the movie so your opinion is fucking pointless without proper research’, and another one being, ‘Go die in a shithole, you fucking mood-killer’.

You’ve always heard about internet figures getting a lot of online flak these days, but your article exploded out of nowhere that you haven’t gotten the time to process the negative comments. Even your email is spammed with anonymous accounts calling you degrading terms.

But another reason why it doesn’t impact you as much as it should is because it was somewhat expected. Winter Bear is a beloved, rated-PG movie that people of all ages should enjoy, but your article made it very apparent that you detest it.

“Yea, I knew not to write it, but what’s the point of me making it my career as a writer when I can’t even share my own opinions?”

“You—” But before your agent can lash out any further, she catches herself. “You’re not a writer, you’re a journalist. Writers create from inspiration, journalists rephrase what they see. Are you seriously trying to give the publication a bad rep?”

“You’re not getting the point of the article. No one is. It’s a cash-grabbing movie using a dangerous folklore—”

“I get it, I get it. But where I’m coming from is that the publishing company has no time to be dealing with a bad image at this moment. They were just getting recognized, and you just had to blow it off like that.”

“That wasn’t my intention. Look, why are people even getting pissed off over one person’s opinion? They don’t have to read my shit if they don’t want to and go enjoy their half-assed children’s movie.”

It’s at this point where Suniya has completely given up on arguing with you. Both you and Suniya are stubborn to the core, and this is how you two clash often.

“It isn’t just about a bad public image for the company, but for you. You’ll have a hard time signing deals and publishing more articles.”

That comment was like a prick to your skin. There was something about that that ticked you off, more than what the internet is saying about you.

“What the hell is wrong with me sharing my thoughts? If these faceless assholes are allowed to leave comments on my article, then I can say and do whatever too!”

“(Y/N), calm down! Why are you getting upset?! Listen to me when I say this: I know where you’re coming from. I know that movie is a sensitive topic for you, but that still doesn’t mean that you should—”

“Don’t bring it up.”

The line goes silent for a while before she returns. “Alright, fine. On the bright side, this seems like a short-term consequence, so the most we can do is wait for this to die down. I gotta go, I’ll call you later.”

She hangs up, and you get the urge to throw your phone across the room. However, you don’t have the kind of money to break your phone and get a new one, so instead, you throw it against the couch pillow. It’s irritating when nobody understands you. If the general public weren’t sheeples, then it would be easier for you to explain your side. Not even Suniya truly knows where you’re coming from.

You go back to your laptop, your article receiving new comments by the second. You want to respond to them and tell them to go to hell. There are more controversial topics out there in the world, so why go to your article and attack you? You’ve already caused enough trouble for your agent, so it’s better to leave it alone.

You lay down on your couch when a sudden chill runs up your spine. You check the temperature on your phone, and it’s been getting colder lately with winter getting closer.  What sort of first-world struggles are those angry commentators going through to give them the right to downgrade you?

Regret begins to play with your head, suggesting that you should call Suniya back and apologize to her for exploding. You turn on your phone, seeing four contacts on your phone: your parents, Suniya, and your publication site’s office number. You press on Suniya’s number, letting the line ring before directing to voicemail.

With a sigh of disappointment, you get off of the couch with that feeling of regret going to eat you up for the rest of the day. You try to forget about it, pushing your mind to think about something else than to focus heavily on it. You repeat to yourself over and over that you need to eat breakfast.

You look through the fridge that’s filled with only microwavable food, some vegetables, soda, and that one vegan mandarin chicken pack that you promised to eat when you were still dieting. On the bottom shelf is leftover pizza from last night. You close the fridge then rummage through the white-painted cabinets. You hand maneuvers around the canned corn and beans, packaged dry pad-thai noodles, and shoving the Maruchan cup noodles away. You grab the rainbow, fruit-flavored cereal box, opening the top to check if there’s still some. You pop one into your mouth to check if it’s still in edible condition. Although a bit stale, you can eat it.

You couldn’t decide whether or not you wanted to eat leftover dinner or cereal for breakfast, so you ended up picking both. Rushing back to the fridge, you take out a slice of cold pizza and the half-gallon of milk, putting the pizza on a plate and into the microwave. It’s not the healthiest meal, but you’re not in the mood to be thinking about your weight.

As it warms up, you grab the remote from the living room, turning on the TV. You skip through channels with the press of a button until you get to a decent enough channel that’s playing a rerun of a sitcom show. It’s about a group of poor college graduates struggling to live in New York.

Your attention is taken away by your microwave beeping when it’s done reheating your pizza. You poke the pizza to make sure that the cheese has melted, then you take a bite of it. It doesn’t taste as fresh as when you first got it, but it still tastes savory.

“This...is...awesome!” A child’s voice shouts from the TV.

Dramatic drums and high-pitched violins play after the show goes on a commercial break. You turn around to see a trailer of a kids’ movie.

“Who...are you?” the child continues.

Each scene of the trailers lasts for a few seconds to keep the viewers’ short attention span engaged. On the screen is a young child who seems to be around eight or nine years old in a snowy forest. The child is on its knees, face-to-face with a shadowy monster before displaying itself as a fun, lovable grizzly bear licking the child’s face.

“I have to return home. Can you help me?”

“Come with us...on an epic journey,” A narrator voices over. “Filled with fun...”

The child and bear jump over rocks as they laugh.

“Adventure…”

The pair find an entirely undiscovered part of the forest, though it’s just a more expanded version of the same setting that it takes place in, just brighter lighting and more sunlight.

“And friendship.”

The next scene is when the child and the bear are cuddling together late at night to keep each other warm from the freezing temperature.

“Bears are supposed to be sleeping during winter, but you’re not,” the child ponders. “But...I’m glad that you’re awake. I don’t feel so lonely anymore.”

“Critics say ‘it’s tender’...‘entertaining’...‘everything my child has always wanted in a movie’.” The narrator continues as five yellow stars would be slapped onto a frame of an overview of the forest. “Winter Bear. Coming soon on December 20th.”

The next thing you know, you throw the pizza at the screen out of impulsive anger. The tomato sauce splatters all over the carpet, TV, and some on the coffee table. It instantly slips off the TV, landing and staining the carpet more. It felt good at that moment to lash out on the movie trailer, but not anymore after seeing the mess that you created. But once rational thinking sets in, you’re frustrated with yourself for what you’ve done. You hurriedly look for wipes then run to the TV to clean it.

As you wipe with tenacity, some uninvited memories seep in. You go back to when you were a child, holding the hand of a child whose face you can’t see, or at least, don’t want to see. The environment that surrounds you is a white forest, silence freezing every noise possible, just you and the person standing side-by-side.

You rest your forehead on the sauce-stained TV, sighing heavily as you try to forget what happened long ago. You turn to the fallen pizza, glaring at it with disdain as the red, bloody sauce soaks into what was once a white carpet that blended into the blue morning.

“He doesn’t help kids...he steals them.”

———

“Jesus Christ, (Y/N), you really need to start eating healthier food. Look at your stomach, I’m beginning to see a muffin top.” Suniya jokes as she playfully hits your stomach with a pepperoni sausage.

Suniya is walking ahead of you as you push the shopping cart. She decided to tag along with you to go grocery shopping, implying that this get-together is to make up for the argument that unfolded days prior to this.

“I would eat better if the healthier options were cheaper and tasted better.”

“Hey, there are healthy foods that are cheap too, you know. You just choose not to eat it. Plus, you’re not a kid anymore. Suck it up and eat gross shit for the sake of being in shape,” This is ironic coming from Suniya, since she isn’t in the best shape either. “Maybe you should get a gym membership and start working out. Who knows, maybe you’ll start attracting people.”

“Mm-hmm,” You faintly listen to her as you’re trying to decide on which graham cracker brand you want to buy. “Oh yea, which pizza brand do you think has the least amount of tomato sauce?”

Suniya sulks, a little annoyed that you aren’t listening to her, but this is typical for you to be like that with her. “I dunno. Figure it out yourself. Why?”

“Eh,” you shrug your shoulders. “The sauce is the messiest part of the pizza. Do you think I should start eating hot pockets?”

She raises an eyebrow at you. “I don’t fucking know. Pick both if it makes it easier.”

“No, but pizza is messy. I wanna know if hot pockets are not as messy with the sauce.”

“Why does it matter? Just use a napkin or don’t eat like a toddler!”

“...I’ll go with hot pockets.”

You push the cart ahead of Suniya as she stares at you with a look of disbelief. No matter how long you two have known each other, she will never understand how your brain is wired. She shakes her head, shrugging it off as one of your unusual habits again.

“By the way, your mother called me. She said you weren’t picking up the phone and she wanted to know if you’re doing alright.”

“I’m fine.”

“...Why don’t you just call her back and tell her that?”

“I have you to pass on my message.”

“You know…” her tone deepens. “Your mom wants to talk to you directly. She wants to know how you’re doing in your voice.”

“What difference will it make? She’ll just pretend that she’s worried about me but all she’s gonna do is yell at how I can’t take care of myself and I need a new job.”

She sighs. “But she’s still your mom. You can’t forget that she raised you.”

“I’ll call her later. I have some more articles to write and I don’t need the distraction.”

But she knew that you meant never, you just wanted to end the conversation. She looks through the aisles, clearly frustrated with your lack of keeping a conversation going.

“You know, you shouldn’t worry about work so much.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s all you ever think about. Don’t you have anything else that you’re passionate about? Like, I dunno, making friends, going out, finding a boyfriend?”

“Not really. I haven’t put much thought into any of those. They’re a waste of time and money.”

“(Y/N),” she puts her hand to her hips. “Your isolation is only going to drive you even more insane. You won’t have anyone to rely on, and you’re just going to be miserable.”

A vein protrudes from your forehead, but your expression remains stagnant. “But I have you, don’t I?”

She rolls her eyes. “You can’t just rely on me. I have a family to take care of. And you should also.”

Even though you behave as if you’re ignoring her, her words bleed into your brain. You know too well that you’re getting closer to the age of settling into a life of family-hood, but it isn’t Suniya who decides what you have to do with your life. Still, what she says makes your chest ache, the desire to deny her claims of your spiral to insanity, all the while being completely aware of her concerns.

Suniya’s phone rings, so she takes it out from her purse to see an unknown number on her screen. She accepts the call, putting it to her ear.

“Hello?”

A feminine voice can be heard from the other line. Other than a ‘hi’, you can’t make what she’s saying, and Suniya’s lack of expression doesn’t help either.

“Uhm...yes. She is with me.”

An eyebrow raises, your curiosity peaking. You stare at her, squinting your eyes. She does look at you, but she doesn’t say anything to fill in the blanks.

“Sure.”

She hands the phone to you. You’re confused, looking at the phone and wondering what to do with it. She nudges it to you, so you take it.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Is this (Y/N)?”

“Yes, who is this?”

“Hi, my name is Kim, and I’m calling because I read your article the other day.”

Assuming that this is an angry reader, you’re about to hang up the phone when Suniya raises her hands up, signaling for you not to. You silently sigh, putting the phone back to your ear.

“You did?”

“I did! And I absolutely loved it!”

“Oh, really?” But it takes a few seconds for you to let that sink in. “Wait, really??”

“Yes! I reread it hundreds of times, and everything you said accurately portrays exactly how I feel about the movie as well.”

You glance at Suniya, and she smiles, nodding to let you know that this isn’t a prank. You’re at a loss of words that there’s someone who genuinely enjoyed your article. No one’s ever reached out to give you compliments, so you don’t know what to say.

“Uhm, thank you.”

“It’s no big deal. I saw the feedback you received, and it seems like not a lot of people liked it. You see, I’m a mythologist. I study extensively on the Winter Bear folklore. Based on the information on your publication’s website, it doesn’t seem like you know anything about it, but you nailed every detail of the myth precisely.”

“...Yea.”

“What I wanted to talk about is that I would like you to help me with my research on the Winter Bear.”

You crease your eyebrows. “...Excuse me?”

“You see, even though I study myth, I have a strong feeling that this isn’t some mere local folklore. You seem to know a lot about it, and I would like to get to know you more. Perhaps even go to the town to investigate more about it.”

“No.” You’re about to hang up again.

“Wait, wait, wait!”

You give her a third chance, putting the phone back to your ear.

“I can compensate for your help in return! We can help each other. I’m trying to write a book and get it published before the Winter Bear movie comes out. I want to expose the real story behind, not the watered-down, kiddy version of it.”

She piques your interest. “Go on.”

“In return, I’ll help back up your article, I’ll even reference and credit you for aiding me in the research. As long as we’re able to complete the book before the release of the movie, then it’s going to be a hit. Imagine all the clicks you’re going to get in your article after my book is published. You’ll definitely make more than you can ever imagine with any ordinary article.”

“I’ve already received enough criticism as it is with just the trailer. How is a full-length movie and your book going to benefit me?”

“It’s going to be a bit...greedy of me to say, but you aren’t paid by the number of nice comments you get. You get it by how many people click on your online articles. If you ignore the negative comments, didn’t you notice that your pay got relatively higher than normal?”

As much as you don’t want to admit it, it’s true. “Yes.”

“That’s what I’m saying! That’s why we gotta get this finished before the movie. What do you say?”

You fall silent, and it makes Kim think that you actually hung up this time. Talking about the town where the tale of the Winter Bear brings up the memories again. You remember looking down at your small hands, pressing it on the snow as you knelt down. The stiffness in your hands from the cold perfectly describes how you’re feeling right now. It’s strange, when you look back to the time when you were there during winter, it was dead silent.

Your numb hands, stuck in the unforgiving snow, not a sound to comfort you in this recycling memory. It’s strange, it’s only your hands that are cold, not your knees, not your face, nothing. Are you ready to go to that place that you tried so hard to forget? Can you unveil those childhood memories?

You recall that toddler. It was only a split second, but every detail of her is vivid. That baby blue-striped dress, wearing a pink parka over it. Her tiny brown boots treading through the snow, being matted by the pure white. She turns around, and she resembles you a lot.. Her nose red and runny, yet the brimming smile on her face is the only sunlight of that gray memory. The silence is filled with her childish laughter that’s devoid of flaws, as she had yet to be tainted by the world.

“Annie.” Your past-self calls her.

“I’ll do it.”

“That’s great! Then I’ll send you an email and we can set up a day to go to the town. I look forward to working with you in the near future.”

“Yea.”

She hangs up.

“So, what did she say?”

“She wants to work with me.”

“Really?? That’s great! So, how is it going to work out?”

You aren’t entirely sure. You agreed to it on a whim without putting much thought on the consequences. Now you’re a little regretful for saying yes, especially since you don’t want anything to do with it, but since you dedicated an entire article on it, it must mean that a part of you wants to return. You don’t know how your brain works sometimes, like you go into autopilot and another force makes the decisions for you.

“We’re going to the town where that movie took inspiration from, Little Bare.”

———

At the bustling train station, Suniya helps push you through the tight crowd. You keep looking down at your phone, squinting at a picture that Kim took of herself. You’ve never met her in person and most of your conversations with her took place through phone calls and text messages. This will be the first time you’ll see her in person.

“Why the hell is the station so busy on a Tuesday?!” Suniya whines.

Standing right under the ‘Station E’ sign is Kim. She’s a lot shorter than you thought, standing at approximately 4’10”. Her black-framed glasses and messy bun along with her back slouching really gives the impression that she spends a lot of time sitting down, probably reading or researching, and you’re not far from your assumption. She’s focused on writing in her notebook, not paying attention to her surroundings whatsoever, not even caring when a salaryman bumped into her.

“Excuse me, are you Kim?”

She looks up and immediately closes her book. “Hello! You’re (Y/N), right?”

You nod.

She extends her hand out for a handshake, and you take it, taking notice of how sweaty they are. “It’s nice to finally meet you! Is that your agent?”

“Hello, I’m Suniya. We spoke on the phone before.”

“Right, I remember. It’s nice to meet you, too.”

Suniya nods. “Yes. The train should be arriving soon, so do you mind if I talk to you for a bit, Miss Kim?”

“Sure.”

She pulls Kim aside, far enough from you. You know that she’s going to be talking about you, but you don’t pay too much attention to it.

“What is it that you need to talk to me about privately?”

“It’s about (Y/N).”

“Hm? What about her?”

Suniya looks at you, seeing as you’re looking down at your phone. “You see…since I’m not coming on this trip with you guys, can I request you to take care of her?”

Kim is a little taken aback, as you seemed like a fully grown adult who is capable of taking care of yourself. “Sure…”

“You see...she’s a bit...disconnected.”

She wrinkles her eyebrows. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s hard to explain, but I think she has selective memory loss. She experienced some trauma that still affects her today—so much that she tends to block anything that stresses her out too much because that’s how she’s always dealt with her problems. So if she’s spacing out, then that’s why.”

From the distance, you blend well with the crowd, no different than a modern citizen focused on her phone. You don’t look lost—you look so sure of yourself like nothing disturbs you. Your outward appearance doesn’t make you sound like the description that Suniya gave.

“Selective as in, she can willingly forget things?”

She nods. “I don’t know what happened, but whatever she went through as a child, it must’ve been that bad that she doesn’t have any recollection of it. I don’t mean to scare you, but if she behaves abnormally, don’t be afraid to call me.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take good care of her. If I feel comfortable working with her, then I would’ve long since canceled our plans.” She smiles.

Still, Suniya is unsure. It feels wrong, talking about you in this way.

———

On the train, you and Kim are sitting across from each other. The slight bumps create a rhythmic sound as the train speeds to your destination, and there is a lack of conversation from other passengers with the only voice being the overhead of an automated woman alerting the passengers of their next stops. You sit by the window, watching the bushes pass by faster than the mountains from a distance. Kim is on her laptop, typing at the speed of light.

“I might be prying a bit too much, but there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask.”

“Hm?”

“Have you been to Little Bare before?”

You don’t respond—you don’t even look at her.

“Sorry, I stepped over the line. I was just curious because you seem to have more information than your typical person—”

“Yea, I went there once.”

She wasn’t expecting you to answer, so she stutters with her next line of words.

“My family and I went on a road trip during winter break. We got stuck in a blizzard and stayed at the inn there until it died down.”

“Oh, that’s very interesting!” She puts it down in her notebook. “Do you remember what you did there?”

“...Not really.” You lie.

“Oh…” She clears her throat to get rid of the uncomfortable atmosphere she created. “Well...it’s a good thing we’re going back. It’ll help you regain those memories again.”

“How did you know that I went there before?”

“I just assumed because you seem to know a little more about that folklore, not the watered-down version of it.”

“Yea.”

After that, neither of you say anything. This must be what Suniya was saying when she said that you don’t look like you’re paying attention, or you’re distracted by something else. She keeps herself busy by going back to her notebook.

———

At Little Bare, you and Kim exit the train. The wind blows against your hair, giving you the chills. You put your hands in your pocket while you stare at the town that haunts you. Every building is made out of wood, and the newer ones are built from bricks. The town is so small that you can see where it ends from the other side.

“It’s so cold! It’s supposed to have its first snow tonight, so it makes sense. But holy crap...I already can’t stand it.”

The train leaves, leaving you and Kim in a town nearly desolated. It lacks human contact, not a single person in sight. And there it is again—the dead silence. It was there before, and it hasn’t left. You wouldn’t describe it as nostalgia, but a boogeyman welcoming you back to your nightmare.

“Where do we even go?”

“I think down here.”

You walk down the staircase, hearing dead leaves being crushed beneath your feet. You enter through the main entrance of the town with a tall sign towering over you and Kim that reads: ‘Welcome to Little Bare’. You inspect the town, and the buildings made out of wood have turned dark brown after soaking in morning fog and rain. Resting your hand on the walls seems like it’s enough to give you splinters. It isn’t only the buildings that show after-signs of rain, but the streets as well. There are wet patches in the street, giving off the strong scent of wet black tar.

“Is...this the right place? It looks like a ghost town.”

You shake your head. “It’s exactly the same as I remembered.”

The general store is still there the last time you were here, one of the first buildings you’ll see when you enter this place. Directly across the street is the bar, just as empty as it was in the past during the day. The only difference is that everything has aged dramatically, those twenty years taking a  toll on the town.

“Where is everybody?”

You shrug your shoulders.

“There’s no reception here because of the high elevation, so I can’t pull up a map. There’s no physical map of this place either.”

You and Kim creep into the town more, with her peeking through the large glass windows of the general store. Her eyes light up when she sees someone standing by the front cash register. An elderly man, sitting on a chair with his back slouched, reading a newspaper.

“Oh, there’s somebody there,” you point at the man. “Let’s ask them for directions.”

You both move closer to the store, and once you’re close enough, the old man notices you two. When making eye contact with you two, Kim waves her hand as a means of greeting him. Rather than returning the greeting, the elderly man grabs a broomstick and walks out of the store, raising the broom over his head and jogging right toward you two.

“Get the hell outta here before I beat your asses myself!”

You and Kim step back, raising your hands to defend yourselves. She grabs onto your arm, and you cling onto her sleeve.

“Wait, wait, wait!” She shouts. “We’re just tourists!”

“I said get outta here! We don’t need no city people here to take what’s ours!”

“We’re not here to take anything!!”

“I said get out!!”

“What’s going on?!” An overweight woman runs out of the room. “Honey! What the fucking shit are you doing?!”

The man stops and turns around, seeing his wife marching after him. She slaps him on the back multiple times, so much that he drops the broom and waves his hands as a means of protection. After hitting him until he’s tame, the woman turns to you and Kim.

“I’m so sorry for my husband. We just had some unwanted guests come by a few days ago givin’ us some papers to sign thinkin’ we can’t read shit, so we’re all on guard,” she puts her hands to her hips. “The name’s Margaret, and this brainless man is Gerald. So, what brings two beautiful, young women here?”

You two look at each other, then back at the woman.

“Uhm..My name’s Kim. We’re here to research the myth of the Winter Bear.”

Upon bringing up the name, Margaret’s smile disappears. “Oh god...you really are just like them. So then, you girls better give me one good reason to welcome you guys in. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to kick your asses outta here.”

And just like that, someone who you two thought was civilized quickly turns sour. Knowing the amount of pain that she can enforce, you and Kim are faced with a ticking time bomb. Kim desperately flips through her notebooks, seeing if she can show any of her records to impress her.

“Uhm...wait, please, Mrs. Margaret! We don’t know who you’re talking about, but w-we have no intention of hurting anyone. I-if you look at my notes, you can tell that I’m genuinely interested in writing about this myth! Y-you see, I’m an author, and Miss (Y/N) is a journalist. We’re working together!”

But this doesn’t convince Margaret at all. She glares at you two, picking up the broom Gerald dropped. Kim freaks out more, seeing if she can find anything to offer.

“We have money! We can pay for anything!!”

That doesn’t work either. For a writer, she does a poor job of persuading. You try to think of anything to support Kim. You look around, biting your nail as sweat begins to form. You hate this—being put on the spot to problem-solve. It makes you dizzy, making you want to escape as soon as possible.

You squeeze your eyes shut, thinking of the first thing that comes to mind. “I’ve been here before!”

Margaret stares at you, raising an eyebrow. You got her attention, so you take this chance to breathe.

“I came here during winter...when I was a child.”

The fury burning underneath Margaret’s eyes turns into sympathy. She lowers the broomstick, tears forming in her eyes as if she reunited with a long lost relative. To your surprise, she wraps her arms around you, catching both you and Kim off guard.

“You poor girl.”

Kim is absolutely confused. She looks at you in hopes of getting an explanation, but your expression is blank. You’re overwhelmed with multiple emotions, coming all together at once unsure of how to express them at once. It’s like when all colors come together to make white. The only thing you can do is hug her back.

———

On the second floor of the general store, you and Kim are sitting in their almost run-down kitchen. The flowery wallpapers are peeling, brown and yellow stains running down until it hits the dusty floorboards, and age-old grease stains and black food chunks occupying the stove. There’s also a gigantic hole in the ceiling.

Margaret sets down a tray of hot chamomile tea on the table. “Sorry for our shitty first impression. Things have just been so heated lately that we’re stressed out of our minds.”

You and Kim take a cup, blowing it before drinking, but Kim drinks it without issue. You want to rest your arms on the table, but it’s so sticky that it makes you quiver just thinking about the last time it was ever cleaned.

“It’s okay! From the looks of it, you guys went through a lot,” Kim replies in an optimistic tone. “What happened?”

Margaret grabs a nearby chair and sits down, placing her elbow on the table without hesitation and running her hand through her gray, curly hair. “We got these big companies, Dismaland or whatever the fuck their name is, demanding that we turn our town into a tourist attraction for a  movie they’re making. You know, those family-friendly kinds. I dunno much ‘bout it since the mayor is the one who spoke to them, but we turned it down. Since then, they’ve been harassing us to sign their papers, so every young-lookin’ person dressed almost like you guys, we try kicking them out.”

You never realized how bad it’s gotten here. It was just as hostile as you remember in your memories, but a little worse since your parents were there to defend you.

“I swear to God, we’re nice people, but we gotta put up our guard if those bastards keep on coming back,” she sighs heavily. “But to be brutally honest, I really do think we need the money. As you can tell, our place is a shithole, and those big guys are willing to give us a small portion of the money.”

“But it isn’t really about the money, is it?” You ask.

She doesn’t respond immediately. Rather, she nods.

“You’re damn right. Those corporations don’t realize that they’re creating the biggest graveyard in history.”

Kim’s eyes widen, covering her mouth as she stares at you and Margaret. “No way...you mean to tell me…”

Margaret nods again. “This ‘Winter Bear’ ain’t no fable. It’s real.”

Kim places her hands flat on the tables. “Kids actually go missing?! I knew it! Everything was just too suspicious to be simply a story.”

“Yea, so even if we need the money to keep the town going, we ain’t gonna risk some kids’ lives for it.”

“Wait,” Kim pauses. “So then...if the disappearances of children are real, then what’s the actual cause of it? Don’t tell me it’s actually a bear.”

She shakes her head. “We don’t know either. All we know is that once the kids go into the forest, they don’t come back.”

Margaret glances at you, but you avoid her gaze. You act as if you have nothing to do with the conversation, sipping the tea.

“But that doesn’t make sense. Bears hibernate during winter and these disappearances happen around this time. Wouldn’t it make more sense that it’s some other animal or a person? Not a bear. And only winter?” Kim scratches her head.

“Not to sound like a smartass, but bears actually don’t hibernate.”

“What?? Really?”

“They sleep longer during the winter to save energy, but they wake up in case of danger or hunger. It is possible that you can still encounter a bear.”

“So then...do you think it’s possible that bears eat the children due to the lack of food?”

Margaret shrugs her shoulders. “That could be it, but let me ask you this: wouldn’t you think a bear would leave traces of the child? Clothes? Blood? Something? They disappear into thin air, almost like they never existed.”

This sends chills down Kim’s spine. She’s heard of this many times, but hearing it from an actual resident who has lived through children going missing is terrifying...but also intriguing.

“That means that we have to check the forest! Wait, Miss (Y/N), you said that you came here before. If kids go missing, then how did you survive?”

You stare at the wall, noticing how particularly yellow it is. Judging by how dirty the place is, it makes you wonder if the wallpaper was white but got stale as time went by. You’ve been very quiet, not bothering to put your input, and this concerns Margaret. She knew that Kim was stepping over her boundaries.

“...(Y/N)?” Kim asks. “Are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yea, I’m fine.”

“After your tea, I can show you young ladies where to go for the inn.”

Kim doesn’t read the atmosphere, not seeing how uncomfortable you’ve become. You clench onto the teacup, pinching the handle with all your might. You were confident when the thought of coming here sprung up, but being physically here is more demanding than you could’ve ever imagined.

———

Some time has gone by since the visit to Margaret’s place. She showed you two around the place, introducing you to some of the residents. Some of them you remember, but others you don’t. They don’t recognize you either, and Margaret is kind enough not to share your name with them. Once she’s finished showing you two around town, she eventually leads you two to the inn.

In the room, Kim is taking a shower while you sit by the edge of your bed. Despite struggling to find reception, the inn miraculously has some, although a bit slow. You have over fifty text messages from only two people—Suniya and your mother. Both of their messages are asking how you and Kim are doing. However, you turn off your phone, sighing as you toss it aside. You lay on your back, staring at the ceiling fan blanketed with dust. The fan itself looks like it’ll fall any second, seeing as it shakes even from the lightest movement.

You were naive to think that your problems will be solved if you stepped into Little Bare again. It’s more complicated than you expected, and now you want out. However, you’ve already promised to work with Kim; you can’t break the deal. You wish Suniya was here to yell at you, to tell you that you’ve made a dumb decision. That way, it would at least sound like she cares. Even though you’ve gotten to know Kim a little more, it still feels like you’ve stranded yourself on a foreign land.

And that image of the little girl, Annie, continuously appearing every time you close your eyes. Every corner of this town reminds you of her, like a ghost haunting you. You can sense her presence in the corner of the room, purposely watching you with hollow, blackened holes for eyes. She’s standing there in her pink parka and blue-striped dress, waiting for you to make your next move.

You groan, rubbing your eyes. You apply enough pressure that your eyes are being pushed back, rubbing so fast that your skin turns red. No matter how much you try to push the thoughts away, she just keeps coming back. Just as Kim exited the room, you get off the bed, taking your jacket and heading straight to the door.

“Where are you going? You look like you’re in a rush to start a mission.”

“It’s too small in here. I need some fresh air.”

“O-oh, okay...but please stay safe! Who knows what kinds of creeps are out there.”

“I will. Thanks.” You open the door and close it behind you.

———

You walk around, hands in the pockets of your jacket. There is no wind, but the drop in temperature stiffens your muscles. Just like in the morning, no one is occupying the streets. It’s just you, alone, with your bothersome thoughts. It manifests into a black aura, clinging onto the back of your head.

You thought about heading to Margaret’s place just to get things off of your chest, but you change your mind. She never directly stated it, but she knew who you were and what you went through. It was an odd moment that she sympathized with you without knowing exactly what had happened.

A flashy neon sign catches your attention. It’s in the shape of a brown beer bottle, pouring bubbles into a glass wine. It’s the bar that’s across the street of the general store called Bar & Grill. You’re not a drinker, but when your stress gets overwhelming, you tend to be persuaded by the lust of alcohol. Wanting to get rid of this black aura looming, you make the decision to enter the bar.

———

Your head is on the counter table, your arms around it to hide your red face. The inside of the place has very few people, only a few men who just came back from work, but even these men are barely whispering a word. The bartender stands on the other side of the counter, cleaning the glass cups with a white cloth.

“Hey, Miss. Do you have someone to take you home?”

You groan.

The bartender sighs. “You’re a young woman. Do you know how easy it is to be preyed on?”

“I can...handle myself,” you raise your head up, one eye open. “I practically raised myself! What makes you think I’m irresponsi...ble? You dunno me.” You slur your words.

The bartender sets the cup down, putting her hand on her hip and leaning on the counter. She isn’t sure if your red, watery eyes are because you drank so much or if you’re becoming emotional.

“You’re one of those researchers that came here earlier today, huh? Marge told me,” she shakes her head. “Jesus Christ, you city people really don’t know the limits to drinking.”

Next to you are five empty beer cups with the foam sliding down on the sides. You snicker at how much you drank, followed by a hiccup. “Wow, you’re right. I’m usually good at self-control. I know how to control my problems, but tonight is not one of those times.”

“It’s not that you’re good at controlling your problems. You’re just good at avoiding them. Marge told me about you, and no offense, but she thinks it’s fucking strange that you don’t look like you’re bothered that your sister was taken away by that monster. But I disagree. You’re pretending like it ever happened.”

“Excuse me? Who are you to assume how I feel??”

“Our place is practically off-coordinates with maps, but we still have those runaways who come to the bar every so often. You’re no different from them. So…”

“What?”

“Do you want to talk about it?” She crosses her arms. “I won’t tell anybody. We pretend that tonight never existed.”

You rummage your hand through your messy hair, calming down. It might be the toxication persuading you, but you’re not comfortable telling her.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Oh really?”

“I don’t want to, and it’s because I don’t know how to talk about it. If I can’t even talk to my mom about it, then why the hell do you think I can tell you? When I did want to bring Annie’s disappearance up, my mom would change the subject. It’s not only that, but it was like...she wanted to make me disappear too. And I know it’s because she fucking blames me for losing her, and seeing my face reminds her that she lost her baby. She always favored Annie anyway, so it wasn’t surprising that when she went missing, she...she said…”

You have a flashback of when you were a child during the aftermath. You and your parents returned safely home but without Annie. Your six-year-old mind thought that if you stared at Annie’s cradle in your parents’ bedroom every so often, she would magically return. But to your dismay, your efforts were in vain, and she never appeared.

One night, you woke up from a repeating nightmare of the day you lost her, so to soothe your racing heart, you jumped out of your bed and ran to their bedroom to look at her cradle, praying that she’s there. But rather than seeing your parents asleep, they’re sitting by the edge of the bed. Your mother is curled into a ball, sobbing profusely while your father makes attempts to comfort her with shallow pats on the back. In between her cries, you heard:

“Why couldn’t it have been (Y/N)?”

Returning from a trip to the past, taking your wallet out and paying with cash. You put on your coat and head straight to the exit.

“Where are you going?” The bartender asks.

“To sleep.”

You march right out the bar, massaging your head. After opening the doors, you step out and nearly tripped. For a second, your foggy mind thought you stepped through a hole, but it turns out to be snow. Some time has gone since you’ve been holed up in the bar that it already began snowing and it’s piled up.

You wobble to the empty forest, leaving a trace of your footprints. You despise being anywhere near the empty forest that surrounds Little Bare, but with alcohol, you think you’re invincible. You stand in front of the forest, being unable to see into the distance with the fog blocking your view. But amongst the fog, there is an apparition.

You squint your eyes, but they fail to make sense of what stands far away. But what you can make of the figure is that it’s small and crouched over. It’s alive, moving around but at the same time, staying in the same spot. It isn’t far, but it isn’t that close either.

Your mind immediately draws to that apparition being a bear. That bear that took everything away from you--your little sister, your chance at a childhood, a shot at a proper adult life, everything. Anger spurs within you, no longer having that rationality in your fragile mind. Within a spur of impulse, you pick up a rock the size of your hand, pulling it back and throwing directly toward the bear.

“FUCK YOU!” You shout from the top of your lungs.

Despite the influence of alcohol, you nailed the apparition right at its head. It falls to the ground, the sound of a ‘plop’ echoing. In that brief act of revenge, victory overcame you. You nearly raise your hands up in celebration, thinking that you defeated your arch-nemesis. But you manage to return to your senses, realizing that the apparition isn’t a figment of your imagination...but an actual person. Then your adrenaline fades away.

You trek through the thick snow, hopping through it until you enter the forest, whilst tripping and stumbling. You lean over the black figure, rubbing your eyes to make sure that what you’re seeing is real. Unable to stand straight, you fall backward and land on your bottom. After blinking, dread sets in when you realize that it’s a child.

“Oh my god...oh no...help...”

You try to stand up to look for help, but once you do, your vision turns black and you become light-headed. Nausea hits you, wrapping your hand around your stomach to control your gag reflexes. The alcohol, lack of food and water, combined with the high elevation comes altogether, making you fall down again.

As your eyelashes flutter, there’s a flashlight illuminating from the direction where you came from. Just when you’re about to close your eyes, the young boy’s body grows exponentially, growing to an exact size of a fully-grown adult right before you.

———

“Mom! Dad! I made a best friend!! He lives in a cave in the forest with the black trees...No! I’m not lying. He really does live there! He’s six years old like me...What? He’s real!! He doesn’t live with a mom and dad, but he said that he lives with kids like me and him too…

“And I told him that I would show him Annie, too...”

“Don’t…!” You sit up in an unfamiliar room in a cold sweat and heavy breathing.

You’re on a clean bed, made of pure white. On the walls, there are drawings of the human anatomy, motivational quotes plastered on a piece of paper with words such as ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’ and ‘be calm and exercise’.

Next the bed is Kim, startled by you suddenly waking up. “(Y/N)?! Are you okay??”

You look at your hand that’s trembling violently, but now that you’re conscious, the hangover hits you hard like a bullet. That massive headache and your stomach twisted in a knot. There’s a lump in your throat with the urge to throw up, but there’s nothing that’s coming out.

“Where...is this place?”

“It’s the clinic. The bartender found you unconscious with a man in the woods and thought that he was trying to take advantage of you.”

“A man…?”

You search through with what very little that you remember last night. You went to the bar to waste away, then you walked out. There was someone in the forest—a young boy. It was too dark to make sense of the boy’s details, but you just knew based on his shape that it was definitely a male.

“No...no…” You squeeze your eyes shut, enduring the pestering headache as you shake your head. “It...it was a boy. A kid.”

“What?” She raises an eyebrow. “There were no kids around, just the man. They’re interrogating him right now.”

You don’t recall a man being there. You must’ve been that fucked up to mistaken a man for a child. Even though it shouldn’t be an issue, it’s bothering you a lot. You remove the blanket, attempting to get out of bed before Kim stops you.

“What are you doing??”

“I have to see the man.”

“No! The doctor advised that you sit. You haven’t been eating, so you’re light-headed.”

“Let me see him. I need to.”

“Stop being crazy and just rest! They made food for you, so just eat and sleep.”

She puts her arms on you, but you gently push her hands away. “I will after I see him.”

You get out of bed, trying to stand but the light-headedness sets in. Your vision turns black briefly, causing you to stumble over your feet. Kim comes to the aid, helping you balance.

“See? I told you. Just rest.”

“No...I’m good. Do you know where this guy’s room is?”

Seeing how adamant you are about it, she decides to give in. “He’s in the room next to you.”

You head out of the room, walking slowly so that you don’t fall, then exiting the room. In the halls, there’s nobody, making it easier for you to head into the other room without any interruptions. You twist the doorknob, swinging it open to find the doctor and policeman, assuming by the uniforms that they’re wearing for their designated jobs. They turn to you, caught off-guard by your entrance.

The man that you’re looking for is on the bed, tilting his head when you two make eye contact. He has a long face, void of a smile. His black hair is frizzy and curly, strands of it flying all directions as if he just woke up. There are bandages wrapped around his head. After that short contact, he looks away, grabbing the doctor’s sleeve and using it to hide his face.

“Miss (Y/N)? What are you doing up?” The doctor asks.

Kim follows from behind.

“Miss Kim, I told you to watch over her.”

“I’m sorry...but she was persistent in seeing him.”

“Him…?”

Now that you have gotten your opportunity to meet with the man, you don’t know what to do. You stand still, at a loss of words when you meet the man that you ran into the forest. Perhaps you really did run into a man, not a child. You were under the influence, after all.

“Miss (Y/N),” the policeman starts. “Since you seem well enough to be standing, can I have a word with you?”

“Sure…”

———

“Amnesia?”

Returning back to your room, the policeman explains what they were discussing earlier. Kim had returned to the hotel room to give you and the police some privacy, and the doctor is staying with the man.

He sits with his hands folded on his lap, giving you a serious expression. “Yes. It’s a minor blunt-force trauma to the head, like something no bigger than a rock.”

“Oh my god…I was the one who hit him.”

“Did he try to assault you?”

You shake your head. “I did out of anger, but not at him. I was drunk and wasn’t thinking clearly.”

You fear that you’ll get in trouble, but you’re more fearful of the condition that you left the young man in. You weren’t expecting your throw to be that strong. The policeman scratches his beard, figuring out what to do in this situation.

“For all I know, you could be lying.”

You gulp.

“But hey, you could also be telling the truth. We don’t know until we check out the scene and hear his side. He doesn’t remember crap—not even his own name. For now, we’ll continue the investigation.”

You sigh in relief, but that still doesn’t deter the guilt from you. The man is a victim of your outlash, and it’s natural for you to want to make up for what you’ve done, even if it’s minor.

“Uhm...how is he…? The guy, I mean.”

“Other than the total amnesia, he’s in a healthy state. It’s strange, though. Other than a large coat, he was wearing a thin layer of clothes, but his body temperature wasn’t affected by the cold. We don’t have young people living here either, so it’s a mystery where he came from.”

He stands up from the chair, walking to the door.

“Well, it’s nice meeting you, Miss (Y/N). If you remember anything, then don’t be afraid to come to me. My name is Sheriff Tusk, and I’ll be in the police station often.”

“Okay, thank you.”

Sheriff Tusk walks out, leaving you alone. You fall back, resting your head on the pillow as you exhale. So much has happened in a short amount of time that it’s difficult to believe that all this actually happened. Even if you got away with being put to jail, you feel immensely guilty for hurting him.

———

The next day, you’ve been discharged from the hospital, suffering only from lack of nutrients and a hangover. Kim is in the room with you, helping you pack your things. Neither of you say much, focusing on putting your belongings away. You keep thinking about the man next-door, wondering how he’s doing. You keep stealing glances at Kim, wanting to ask her if you two can visit him but never gathering enough courage to actually ask her.

“Are you ready?” Kim asks as she puts the last folded shirt into your luggage.

“Hm? Oh, yea.”

You take the luggage from her and head to the door. Kim looks at her phone, once again, seeing that her phone has low reception. You pass by the man’s room, stopping in front of it and nearly causing Kim to bump into you.

“Whoa, what’s going on?”

Without a response, your eyes lay heavily on the door, struggling with the debate of whether or not you should enter.

“...(Y/N)...?”

Eventually, you make the final decision, approaching it and your hand grasping the doorknob. You pull the door open, making Kim confused, but not stopping you from continuing.

Inside the room, your peer at the bed, seeing the man sitting upward with a movable table that has a tray of food on top. He holds a cup of pudding in his hand, eating the chocolate-flavored dessert faster than the sound of light. He eats as though he hasn’t eaten in days, the pudding smearing on the corners of his lips.

It takes a moment for him to sense your presence, jolting and freezing when he sees you. You blink profusely, looking around the room nervously. You wanted to see him again, but you didn’t think about what, or if, you wanted to say something.

The man holds the end of his blanket and pulls it up.

You scratch the back of your neck, looking only at the corner of the room. “Hi, uh...I don’t think I’ve ever formally introduced myself. My name is (Y/N).”

You move closer and extend your hand out, but it makes the man flinch. Seeing that he doesn’t want to accept your hand, you pull it back.

“I don’t know if the doctor told you but...I’m the one who threw a rock at you, which is why you have that injury. I came in to say that I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t respond to you. Rather, he stares as if he’s fearful for his life, his pupils shaking from seeing you. You take one more step, wanting to get to know him, but it makes him flinch.

“I hope you—”

“S-stay away from me…” He whimpers.

His voice is deeper than any man’s voice, and yet his tone is like a scared child. Even the way he pronounced each syllable is with a lisp and not proper, as if he’s slurring. Despite his masculine outlook with his broad shoulders, tall height, and sharp eyes, underneath that shell, he’s fearful and small.

On the right side of you is the bathroom, the door open. You face the mirror, looking at your reflection. You see yourself as an ordinary person, but this man probably sees you as something, not someone, else in his reflection.

Kim puts her hand on your shoulder, pulling you back gently. “Miss (Y/N), I think it’s better to leave him alone.”

You know it’s better to do that, but there’s an urge within you, pushing you to stay. There’s an internal battle between you and yourself, the desire to stay and talk to him but leaving him alone to rest. Ultimately, you choose Kim’s suggestion.

You take a few steps back, your courage slowly being broken down with each step. “S-sorry…”

Breaking from a blanked trance, you abruptly pace out of the room and to the lobby. Kim is left confused, her head turning back and forth between you and the man.

“Sorry about bursting into your room. I pray for a healthy recovery.” Kim runs off to find you.

———

You stand just outside the small and aging medical building, Kim eventually catching up to you.

“Hey! What was up with that?”

No response.

“Miss (Y/N)...? Hello?”

“I...I don’t know.”

You couldn’t quite understand it either, unsure of what it was that made it okay to visit him. Despite his amnesia, it seems like he’s aware that you’re the one who injured him. With your behavior worrying her, Kim puts her hands on your shoulders, shaking you slightly.

“Do you know that guy?”

“No...no, not really.”

This is the first time you’ve met him, but there’s something about that man that you can’t put your finger on it. Perhaps it’s the guilt talking to your rationale or the urge to talk to somebody who’s close to your age. You just can’t let go of this.

“Well, you shouldn’t worry about it. The sheriff let you off, so you don’t have to take care of him.”

What Kim says floats over your head. You’re not doing this to appear like a law-abiding citizen. There’s this unconscious instinct that’s pulling you to him. It sounds unrealistic and dramatic, but there’s no other way you can describe this feeling. You turn around, staring at the medical building.

———

“What do you mean I can’t visit?”

In the main lobby, the doctor is sitting behind his desk, reading the newspaper. He lowers his glasses to give you a hollow glare. It’s the next day, and you decided to visit the man a second time but your visitation has been turned down by the doctor.

“Visiting without the patient’s permission, especially consistently, is harassment. I’ve been notified of what happened yesterday, so to protect each patient’s safety, I advise that you leave him alone.”

“But I’m not doing anything bad. I just want to talk to him.”

“I know you don’t have malicious intentions, but he’s still recovering from the head injury. Plus, the police are investigating, so it’s better if you leave him alone to avoid trouble.”

“I know, but…” You trail off.

“And you should be resting as well. You’re slightly anemic and are lacking some sugar in you. I’d say run to the store and buy some ice cream.”

Despite that, you stand still. Eating for your physical health’s sake isn’t your priority, but to see the man again. The desire to see him is just as haunting as seeing delusions of your little sister.

He raises an eyebrow, folding his newspaper up and leaning over his desk. “Why are you so persistent in talking to him? From as far as I can tell, you two don’t know each other.”

He’s asking a question that you don’t know the answer to. He waits for a response, but nothing. You seem hesitant, figuring out why it’s your first instinct to see him. You just have to, but if you tell him that, then he’ll most likely kick you out anyway for an absurd reason.

Seeing as you won’t say anything, he leans back, returning to his newspaper. “Well then, I’m sorry but without a proper reason, I can’t let you see him.”

“But…!”

He sighs, losing his patience with you. “I will call Sheriff Tusk if you don’t leave us alone.”

With the threat of police involvement, it pulls you back. You turn to the door, your shoulders raised up.

“Damn city people, thinking they can do whatever they want.” The doctor whispers.

You stop in your tracks. Normally, you don’t let insults like these get to you, but his tone made it seem like you’re scum. You’re not being stubborn because you think you’re superior to the rest of them, but he paints it that way.

With your eyes filled with red, you spin around, marching right back at the doctor. He notices right away, lowering the newspaper and preparing for an attack from you. You clench your fist, getting ready to let him know what’s been in your mind and conveying that through a punch.

But you purposely look away from him, looking at the corner of the room, your inner voice telling you to stop. When you get to his desk, you nearly slam your hand on it before the last nanosecond, pulling the force back and your fists making a soft landing.

You stare straight into the doctor’s shaking eyes. You exhale heavily, cooling down your temper. “Sorry. I just wanted to say that mold is growing in the corners. You should give it a look.”

He raises an eyebrow, questioning your mental state. Absolutely nothing made sense, not even to you. You turn around and pacing out of the building. He fixes his glasses, having no clue what just happened. He looks at the corner, seeing the black mold growing.

———

Outside of the medical building, you crouch into a fetal position, hiding your face in your knees. You don’t know what’s going on with you. You don’t have full control of your body, and it’s scaring you. One second, you’re oddly pulled toward that strange man, the next second, you let your anger take the driver's seat. You’re beginning to think that you belong in an insane asylum.

“Oh my, what in the devil’s name are you doing?” Margaret jogs to you.

She crouches over, rubbing your back. She takes your arm and helps you stand up. You’re confused, not knowing who’s touching you or where you’re at. You come back to your senses when you see Margaret’s face.

“Don’t be sitting in the snow like that, you crazy woman! Look at you, dressed like a whore out here in the cold and only wearing a thin layer of clothes!”

Calling you a ‘whore’ was a bit uncalled for, but you don’t get angry.

“Jesus Christ, that damn doc discharged you early. That scum of a doc probably let you go early because he’s too lazy to take care of you. C’mon girly, come to my place.”

She holds onto you, letting you lean on her to her place.

———

In her kitchen, Margaret sets a tray of cookies from a tin box in front of you with a warm cup of coffee. You sit with your knees close to your chest, curled up in a ball. You pick up a cookie, but the edges start crumbling. After a bite, it practically falls apart in your mouth and makes your throat dry. You take a sip of the coffee, clearly tasting the stale flavor of the grounded beans and sink water combined. You try not to make a bitter look, but you can’t help it.

“That boy has been stirring shit up even though he’s the one being holed up in that den. The whole town has been talking about him.”

She takes a seat next to you, putting sugar in her coffee and mixing it with a spoon. She takes a sip, smacking her lips after tasting her awful coffee calmly as if this taste is normal to her.

“But seeing a young man is definitely a breath of fresh air. Like with you and your Kimmy friend, it’s rare to see youngins here. Maybe he was with those contractors from the other day and got separated from them.”

It’s the most sensible explanation, but it doesn’t explain why he was alone in the forest. If he was a part of those businessmen, then he would’ve long since gone into the town and asked for help.

“What were you doing there, on your knees like you were prayin’?”

Once again, there’s that hesitation. She looks at you, ready for you to spill your heart out, but two decades of being a closed book, it feels way too strange to share. Just from your silence alone, she can tell that you’re not comfortable yet.

“You know that by clamming it into your brain ain’t gonna make it better. Even if you don’t tell me, I know exactly why you’re freaking out like your ass’s on fire.”

It’s a weird simile, but you take it.

“I know your struggle, but it ain’t like I understand it though. That’s why you gotta explain it.”

You hold the cup with your two hands, looking down at your reflection in the coffee.

“Don’t think that just because you’re all grown up now that I don’t remember what happened to you and Annie. I’ve lived here for thirty years, and every single kid who went missing here has been imprinted in my head. If there’s someone you want to talk to, don’t be afraid to talk. Or…” Margaret wipes imaginary dust off your shoulders, raising her eyebrows and smiling widely like a cartoon character. “I’m wrong and you crushin’ on that boy.”

“What the…? No.”

“Lady, don’t hide it. I saw how much you were beggin’ to see that young lad. I know young love when I see it.”

“It’s not even remotely close,” You don’t know how this turned romantic suddenly. “It’s normal for someone with decent morals to make sure that the person they harmed is okay.”

“Whatever you say, girly.”

It was so long ago, but now you remember. That time when you first came here, Margaret also told your parents to scram. Being no taller than your mother’s waist, she looked like a giant—a real-life monster scaring you to death. You can’t recall the exact words, but she must’ve been just as hostile as she was with you and Kim on the first day. But with the lens of an adult, now you know that those shouts were for concerns. She must’ve seen you and Annie and knew what ill fate was about to occur.

You look out the window and at the clinic. That man is still in his room, doing God knows what. “Margaret, don’t get the wrong impression, but how much are your flowers and candy?”

———

One of the good things about this clinic is that it’s open 24/7, but the doctor sleeps at his desk. You open the door carefully, making sure that you don’t make a noise. You keep your eye on the doctor, nervous that he’ll wake up. In your hands is a bouquet of flowers and on the other is a grocery bag. You move your hands as little as possible, holding two of the loudest objects in your arms. Luckily, you manage to pass by without waking him up, your feet lightly making its way up the stairs and to the man’s room.

As you sneak through the halls, you’re beginning to think of yourself as a creepy person. You really went through the lengths to see a man who you’ve harmed once and spoken to once. You’ve always been questioning your mental stability, but this is pushing it. A part of you wants you to run out, but you’ve already put yourself deep into this mess to leave.

You make it to his bedroom, a single light coming from behind the curtains. You knock on the door, and although you don’t get a response, you can hear the sheets fluttering. You put your hand on the doorknob, but then you pull back, the reality of the situation hitting you hard. Sighing heavily, you think it’s best to leave. At this rate, what you’re doing can get you into massive trouble.

Just as you turn around, you hear a loud bang in the man’s room, followed by the ringing echoes of metal objects dropping. You scrunch your shoulders up, nearly screaming at the sudden loudness. This prompts you to open the door and check what happened.

In the room, you look around, but only darkness wraps around you, taking seconds for your eyes to adjust to it. On the ground is the man, squirming around, entangled in the blanket. You’re unsure of what to do, placing the grocery bag and bouquet on the bed. You attempt to pull the sheets off of him, but his kicking and punching creates a struggle for both of you.

“Hey, you don’t need to move so much…!”

After a while, you’re able to pull it off. When he sees you, he freezes, and you as well. You move back, on your knees, but having no idea how to explain why you’re here, you scratch the back of your neck.

“So uhm...what were you doing on the floor?”

Why did you even ask that, you idiot?! You want to slap yourself, but you remain cool. The man stares at you, having no idea how to answer you. If anything, he seems more frightened than shocked to see you. You try to think of anything to reassure him that you’re not a threat.

You grab the bouquet from the bed and show it to him. “This is for you.”

He stares at it curiously, like he doesn’t know what it is. He reaches over to grab it, but he pulls his hand back.

“Wh...where did you get this?”

“...I got it from the store…?”

Since it’s winter, most of the flowers have been shipped from other areas, but Margaret’s shop didn’t have that many, so the bouquet is rather small. He eyes it in awe as if he’s never seen these before. He pulls a rose out, inspecting every angle. He bends the stem, then picks a petal off. He does it again, and again, and again until his lap is surrounded with red petals. What’s left of the rose is the crooked stem, and the thorns.

He sweeps the crimson petals into a pile, finding the smoothness of it satisfying, pinching them in between his thumb and index finger. He raises his head, giving you round, innocent eyes, pointing at himself. “Are these for me?”

“Y-yea…”

You almost forgot about the second half of the gift. You grab the grocery bag, spilling the content all over the floor. It’s different kinds of candy—chocolate bars, jawbreakers, and gummy worms.

“When I came here last time, you were eating that pudding to death, so I thought you’d like to have more sweets.” You don’t even know if he’s supposed to be consuming this much sugar, but you thought that you just had to buy him these.

You give him a watermelon-flavored hard candy. He tilts his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. That’s when he pops the candy into his mouth, not bothering to remove the wrapper.

“Ah! What are you doing?! Spit it out!” You sit up, pulling yourself closer to him.

Startled by your raised voice, he flinches at first, raising his arms up like you were about to hit him. He spits out the candy immediately, that childish curiosity disappearing. You move back, wondering if your loud tone scared him.

“You...you can’t eat it like that. You have to take off the wrapper first.”

You wait for him to pick up the wet candy, but he doesn’t. Not wanting to pick up the saliva-covered candy, you pick up a different one, showing it to him.

“Copy me.”

He picks up the one he spat out, pinching the wrinkled edges just like you. You pull it outward, the wrapper spinning and loosening. Once the twists come off, you unpeel the plastic, showing him a hardened sphere. You put in your mouth, letting the sweetness soak in your mouth.

“Like that.”

He does what you do, the candy twirling until it’s untwisted. He takes it out, eating it, and that’s when his eyes widen, astonished by how sweet it is.

“It’s sweeter than pudding!” He exclaims.

His enthusiasm for how sweet candy is is absolutely weird...yet endearing. For a man who’s around your age to behave like he’s experiencing sugar for the first time is abnormal, but it makes you feel...warm inside.

He tries to bite the candy, but he wasn’t expecting it to be this difficult and ends up hurting his jaw. “Ow…but it’s not soft like pudding.”

You hold back the urge to laugh. He definitely has been living under a rock if he didn’t know that he can’t bite it down so easily. That’s probably why the doctor gave him soft foods.

He reaches for another one, but you stop him. “What are you doing?”

“I want to eat another one.”

“I-I know it’s for you but...you should wait to have more in the morning. It’s not good for your teeth.”

He’s saddened, but he obeys. He folds his hand, but his eyes won’t leave the candy that you dropped everywhere. Unable to say no to his puppy eyes, you give him candy that’s easier to chew. Not letting him unwrap it himself, you open it for him.

“This is taffy. It’s strawberry flavor. I think you might like it.”

You give it to him, and lights sparkle behind his eyes. He eats it, savoring the taste. Seeing his smile makes you feel fuzzy, like seeing how genuinely happy he is for something as simple as getting candy makes you want to smile too.

“Uhm...I don’t know if I ever got your name,” but then you recall that he doesn’t remember his name. “Actually, wait...never mind.”

“...Taehyung.”

Taehyung? It sounds out of place for a town like Little Bare. He definitely isn’t from here, which only brings more mystery as to who he actually is. Other than that, it’s a unique name foreign to you.

“I’m...sorry for hitting you on the head. I wasn’t thinking straight and did something really stupid…”

“Yea, it really hurt,” he points out blatantly. “Just promise me that you won’t do it again. Not just to me, but to anybody else.”

It felt out of sorts that somebody as immature as Taehyung would give you a lecture, but you nod. “Promise.”

“Okay.” And just like that, he continues eating the taffy.

He scoots closer to you, losing the tensity in his muscles. Your determination to see him has finally died down, and now the timidness is entering your body. It’s impossible to distract yourself from him, watching him eat with absolute happiness, glad that you ignored the urge to run away and stayed.

You stare at the candies on the ground, the sensation of nostalgia overcoming you. You ate these when you were a child, and you ate these a lot with Annie, especially the watermelon-flavored candy. Since her disappearance, it was difficult for you to consume these again. But times have changed, and you bought these impulsively for Taehyung.

You bite the candy that’s in your mouth, breaking it into pieces to swallow, then putting the watermelon one in. Eating it was like going back in time, being that six-year-old, naive girl. You even ate this when you were here, fighting with Annie and not sharing one until your mother yelled at you to share. It’s such a trivial memory, but one that you remember vividly.

But this is the reason why you avoided anything relating to this town. It brings back memories that you tried so hard to bury deep in your head. You don’t want to be re-attached to emotions that you cut the strings to. You flutter your eyelashes, raising your head at the ceiling to stop the tears from falling. You can hear Annie’s laughter, holding her small, chubby hands as you two run through the snow. You exhale slowly, but it’s shaky, and your chest feels heavy.

“(Y/N)...are you okay?” Your trance is broken when you hear Taehyung’s voice.

You return to your senses, surprised that he remembers your name. “N-no...I’m just...I just haven’t...it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Taehyung tilts his head to the side, observing you fighting back the tears as you rub your eyes. With your eyes closed, he extends his hand out, reaching for your head, but when you open them back up, he pulls it back immediately.

———

“Oh no, Tae, what happened this time??”

“They were pushing me around again. They were throwing snowballs and telling me to go away. They kept telling me that they don’t play with immigrants. What does that mean?”

“...Ignore them. Tell me where they hit you.”

“My head...they kept aiming there.”

“A snowball is not supposed to hurt. Oh dear God...you’re bleeding again. Don’t tell me, did they put rocks in the snowballs again??”

“I don’t know...but it really hurts.”

“My poor child…”

“...Mom…”

“Yes?”

“...Am I an alien?”

“What? No! You’re Kim Taehyung, the strongest boy.”

“But...I’m skinnier than the rest of the kids. Plus...they keep saying that I have small eyes. I can never beat them at racing.”

“Taehyung. Do you know what’s the strongest forest animal?”

“What?”

“A bear. They’re huge and can beat up anything that stands in their way. But you know what else makes a bear strong? Not only physical strength, but their will power to stay alive too. You may be a cub right now, but when you grow up, you’re going to be the strongest bear in the entire world! You’re going to be so strong that you won’t need to hibernate like the rest of the grizzlies. That’s why, no matter what, Taehyung, you’ll always be my baby bear. When you’re in trouble, call for me and I’ll be there. I promise I won’t leave you. Now, let’s get you treated at the clicnic.”

———

“Are you insane??” Kim’s booming voice echoes across the inn. Kim’s hands are on her hips, like a mother scolding her child.

You’re by the edge of the bed, startled by her voice.

“Did you really think that the doctor wouldn’t see the things you left for that guy? The doctor told me everything this morning. What the hell were you thinking, sneaking into his room late at night??”

You sigh, unbuttoning your coat. “His name is Taehyung.”

“His name doesn’t matter. What matters is that you broke into his room. It’s already enough that you nearly got in trouble for injuring him, but this? This is pushing it!” She wants to say more, but letting her anger out on you won’t do anything to ease it.

The way she lectures you reminds you of Suniya, and it might be because Kim is beginning to understand what she meant when she said that you’re disconnected. Logic does not correlate with you and you do things erratically.

“But I didn’t hurt him this time. We had a little chat, and I gave him a few things.”

“But did it really have to be during the middle of the night?”

It didn’t, but there was no other way if the doctor was going to keep you away from him.

“Is it because you felt bad?”

“...I guess? He’s a really nice guy. You should talk to him. Everything he says is interesting.”

You don’t need her to tell you that what you did was wrong, but perhaps she’s doing it because of how nonchalant you are.

“Miss (Y/N)...you can’t forget about why we’re here. This isn’t a vacation, we’re working, and we both haven’t even jotted down a single word. Fooling around with a stranger—”

“Taehyung.”

“...Taehyung...Talking to him is going to waste more time. He’s not paying for our meals.”

You fold your hands on your lap, glaring at it. She can tell you feel a little guilty, so she tries figuring out how to talk to you without you becoming withdrawn. She takes a seat next to you, but makes a clear gap between you and her.

“Remember why we’re here. There’s a story that we have to tell, right? To warn people that this place isn’t meant to be lived in.”

You pick on your fingernails, fully aware of your purpose for being here...but seeing Taehyung was almost like a calling...That night, talking and eating candy on the floor, it felt like an eternity since you last spoke to someone that didn’t have anything to do with work. Even though you’ve never met him before, it felt like you’ve known him for years.

“Yea...yea, yea. I know.”

“If you know, then let's start our work today. We’ve gotten comfortable with this place, so let’s start by interviewing the townspeople.”

“Okay.”

———

Laying on his back is Taehyung, raising his arms up and staring at the candy wrapper. He covers the ceiling light with the wrapper, and he smiles while thinking of you.

“Taehyung, focus.” The doctor snaps his fingers.

Taehyung flinches and crunches the wrapper in his hand. Sitting on a stool next to the bed is the doctor with a clipboard.

“Answer my questions. Have you recollected any memories since your stay here?”

Taehyung shakes his head.

“Nothing?”

He nods.

“So is it really your name that you only remember?”

He nods again.

“And you have no idea where you’re from? Not a clue?”

He shrugs his shoulders. His lack of vocal response irritates the doctor slightly, but forcing Taehyung to answer won’t solve anything either.

“Well then, your health is improving exponentially, so you’ll be discharged soon. If you still can’t remember who you are, then we have to figure out where you can stay.”

The doctor gets up and leaves the room. Waiting in the hallway is Sheriff Tusk, his arms crossed. They look at each other, disappointed looks on their faces.

“Anything?” Tusk asks.

The doctor shakes his head. “I can’t get anything out of him. He’s got the mentally of a child stuck in a man’s body. Despite that, he’s recovering at a rapid pace, faster than an average person. His internal injuries are practically gone and all he has left is for his scar to go away. But...something did happen last night.”

“What?”

“That city chick, (Y/N), snuck in here.”

Sheriff Tusk throws his head back. “What in the hell…? For what?”

“To drop off some gifts for him.”

“...You don’t think she’s tryna coerce him? She is the reason why he’s here.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I have no clue. I’m not sure if you remember, but she’s the one with the missing sister.”

“Oh, that’s the girl? Why the hell is she back here for?”

“From what Margaret said, she and her friend are here to write a book.”

Sheriff Tusk sighs, running his hand through his beard. “Fucking shit...It’s already enough that those goddamn contractors keep coming back…”

“Well, technically the girls aren’t causing harm, so far. I can have Margaret keep an eye on them.”

“Alright...I’ll continue with the investigation. For now, make sure that that young man doesn’t leave. Once I get things together, I have a few questions for him too.”

The doctor nods and Tusk walks off. Once the sheriff walks out of the building, he turns around and returns to Taehyung’s room. But when he opens the door, he nearly has a heart attack from Taehyung, who stands inches away from the door.

“Jesus Christ…! What are you doing out of bed?!”

“I heard you say (Y/N). Is she here?”

He thought that he and the sheriff were speaking quietly, so he wasn’t expecting Taehyung to eavesdrop, but he forgot that the walls are thin. He’s worried that he might’ve heard what they said, but he simply stares at the doctor with curious, naive eyes.

“No, she isn’t.”

“Do you know when she’s coming back?”

“No idea. Just go to bed.”

The demand from the doctor saddens Taehyung. He drops his head, slugging his feet across the room and back to his bed. Just like what Tusk said, the doctor is concerned that you might’ve influenced him to ruin the investigation between you and him, but it seems like he really likes you.

He puts his hands in his pocket. “Taehyung, be truthful with me. Did (Y/N) say anything to you?”

Taehyung rummages through his pockets and shows the doctor a handful of plucked petals and candy wrappers. “She showed me how to eat candy and gave me flowers. When you eat it, you have to take off this cover-thingy…” He pinches the wrapper.

“Mm-hm, okay. Anything else?”

“...Hm...oh, she also seemed kind of sad.”

“She what?”

He tries copying what you did last night, raising his head up and staring at the ceiling. “She wasn’t crying like a baby, but her eyes got watery.”

It’s no surprise. When the doctor first saw you, you seemed like a broken person upon first glance. But he didn’t want to say anything, believing it might’ve been too sensitive of him.

“...I think she hates me.”

“Hm? What makes you think that?”

“You said that she told you that she threw a rock at me and was angry, then she looked sad when she was with me. I think I hurt her before I forgot my memories.” He has a sullen look on his face.

Pitiful is what the doctor would describe Taehyung. His way of thinking is too pure...too black and white. There’s no complexity in him, so if the doctor were to discharge him, he would have no chance of surviving out there.

He leans over and pats Taehyung on the back. “She said that it was an accident and is sorry. Forget about it.”

“...But I can’t...How do you make someone forgive you?”

“You can’t make someone forgive you. Even if you’re the one who made the mistake, it’s up to the other person if they can fully accept what you’ve done,” he pokes Taehyung’s forehead. “Sometimes you think that seeking forgiveness comes from others, but it’s also forgiving yourself with what you’ve done.”

It’s too confusing for Taehyung to grasp what he means.

“But that’s saying if you really did something awful to her. Do you know if you actually hurt her?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I...don’t know. I think I did, but I can’t remember. I just don’t want to see her sad.”

The doctor can see the clear self-frustration in Taehyung. He’s convinced that he wronged you, but the real challenge comes from how he did it. But seeing him battle with himself, it leaves the doctor with a lingering thought… “I know you told her not to see me...but is it okay if I see her again? I want to say sorry to her.”

The doctor hums, thinking about that request. “I can’t make promises, but we’ll see.”

“Okay, thank you!”

———

“Don’t bother seeing him again.”

“What?!”

Later that day, the doctor came to visit you and Kim at your inn to drop the request. “You trespassed into private property and caused mental harm to my patient. And don’t you think it’s smarter to leave him alone, especially when you’re being suspected of physically harming him?”

“…I know what this is about.” You clench your fists.

“Miss (Y/N), please don’t…”

“You’re just doing this to spite us! You hate people from the city, so you’re treating us like shit!”

“Miss (Y/N)!”

“That’s what you think. But you shouldn’t be talking to someone who took the time to nurse you back to health.”

“Don’t use that excuse to justify your shitty behavior!!”

With your face turning red, Kim gets up and pulls you back from the doctor. You jerk your hands off.

“I don’t need an excuse when we have people here taking advantage of my town and the people living here for money. If you want to make money somewhere else, then do that instead, not my home.” He walks away.

“WAIT! COME BACK HERE!!” You shout.

“Miss (Y/N), stop it!!” Kim aggressively pulls you back, shutting the door to prevent you from running out. “What the fuck is going on with you?!”

“Don’t you see it?? He’s just doing that because he fucking hates us! I’m not doing shit to Taehyung!!”

“But he’s a doctor, you should listen to him!”

“Degree or no degree, you don’t need a Ph.D to be a complete asshole.”

“I can tell! Talk about yourself!” She blurts out suddenly.

However, she covers her mouth, regretting immediately with what she said. Her words pierce your heart, but in all honesty, you needed that slap in the face. You weren’t looking at yourself to realize how much trouble you were causing for others.

“Miss (Y/N), I’m so sorry I…”

“No...it’s okay. I needed that.”

“...But please...stop lying that you’re fine. You make it very obvious that something's bothering you.”

You sigh. “...I hate feeling guilty. It’s like...it’s all I could think of, and I hate it. That’s probably why I really want to see him. I can’t let this go.”

That heaviness in your chest caused by guilt is unfathomably painful—so heavy that it’s suffocating. You’re aware of your obsessive nature, and you’d like to control it, but it’s been so deeply rooted into your blood that even if you try to get rid of it, it’s almost impossible. That’s why it’s easier to pretend that the problem never existed rather than solve it.

“I’m sorry, Kim, for dragging you into this.”

Unlike the other conversations that they had before, it truly feels like you’re fully present. Your mind isn’t floating somewhere else, but here.

“It’s okay...people are bound to have their slip-ups. Just...listen to the doctor. I don’t want us to be kicked out.”

You bite on your thumb, not exactly agreeing to Kim, but just as she said, you don’t want to be forced out of town either.

———

Late at night, Taehyung is laying in bed, staring out the window as he counts the number of stars, even though he can count as far as ten. After hitting ten, he restarts and would end up counting the same stars repeatedly.

He hears a knock at the door, then the door creaking open.

“Hello…? Taehyung, are you here?”

Your voice brings a smile to his face, straightening his back. “I’m here!”

“Shh…” You peer over the corner of the wall. “The doctor is asleep.”

“Oh, okay. Did the doctor tell you to visit me again?”

“Ah ha ha...yea.” You avert your eyes.

He hears the rustling of the grocery bag in your hands. Curious, he looks down. “What’s in there?”

He bounces up and down excitedly. You take out the components in the bag, showing him some fruits and drinks. He’s in awe at the different foods you display on the bed, making his mouth water.

“Peaches!”

He picks up the pink fuzzball, almost taking a bite out of it before you take it away from him. “Wait!”

He slumps his shoulders, pouting.

“I didn’t get the chance to clean it, then I’ll cut it for you.”

You rush to the bathroom, rinsing the fruit before returning. In the bag, you take out a small pocket knife, cutting the skin and slicing it into pieces. He stares at it with wide eyes in awe, impressed by your cutting skills, even though it’s nowhere near astonishing.

You give him a piece, and he takes it, shoving it into his mouth and overwhelmed by the sweetness. “This is better than candy.”

“It’s more refreshing, isn’t it? I thought that since last time I brought you some unhealthy snacks, I’d give you healthier options. Well...that’s what I thought...but I couldn’t help but buy something else.”

You wipe your hands down on your jeans, but the stickiness from the fruit juice remains. You take out a can of soda, showing it to him, but leaving him confused. He creases his eyebrows, scratching his chin as if he’s trying to interpret what he’s looking at.

“...This is cola. You’ve had them before, right?”

He shakes his head. “I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never seen it.”

You open the can, the click of the carbonated fizz leaks out from inside. He’s so impressed by it, moving closer to the drink and smell the faint flavor of the cola.

You put it into his hand, and he hesitantly takes a sip. However, he gives a distasteful look, his face cringing from the strong fizziness of the drink. The face he makes makes it impossible for you not to laugh.

“It’s nasty…”

“I’m sure that if you keep drinking it, then you’ll love it for sure.”

He shakes his head, eating more peaches to get rid of the taste. Throughout the night, you show him the many different fruits, and he takes a bite with each one of them. No matter what it is, it will always astonish him, so keen to learn more.

Before you know it, hours have gone by, but it feels as though it’s only been minutes.

“How’s your head?” You ask.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore, but the doctor is always asking me if I remember anything,” he makes a raspberry noise with his lips, falling onto the pillow. “That’s all we talk about.”

“Well...do you remember anything?”

He looks around suspiciously as if he’s making sure that there’s nobody else in the room. He leans over as if he’s going to whisper a deep, dark secret. “Don’t tell anybody, but I do remember a few things.”

“You do?”

He nods. “I remember them in frames, like still pictures. It’s foggy, but there are parts that came back to me.”

“What do you remember?” You lean closer.

“There’s a lot of snow, and I was sitting on the ground. It was really...really cold. Also, everyone looked taller and angry.”

Although it’s great that he has some memories come back to him, they’re vague. His memory is no different than how some of the townspeople treat you.

“Anything else?”

“...Oh, yea. There’s also a large cave in the forest too. I went there a lot.”

The mention of a save makes you shudder, and that’s when a wave of memories return for you. You know exactly which cave he’s talking about...the one you and Annie went to. You hug yourself, trying to forget about it.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay?”

You blink profusely, nodding your head. “Y-yea...I’m fine. Taehyung, I have to ask you something.”

“Hm?”

“Did you...by any chance, ever run into a bear? Or a child? At the cave?”

He stares at the ceiling, shaking his head. “No.”

“...Do you even know about the Winter Bear story?”

He shakes his head again.

“...It’s...about a grizzly bear who’s the only bear in the entire world that doesn’t sleep during winter. Because of that, he gets lonely, so he kidnaps kids.”

Your knee begins shaking violently, motioning up and down at rapid speed. Taehyung’s eyes are fixated on your anxious knee.

“He...took my little sister a long time ago, and...it’s my fault. He...paid attention to me, and I liked it. And truth be told, I loathed my sister as much as I loved her.”

His eyebrows crease, not quite knowing what ‘loathed’ means.

“My parents, especially my mom, loved her to death. I still don’t know why. It might be because she was the baby of the family or if it’s ‘cause she resembles my mom a lot, but she was always favored. And imagine the horror that unfolded when they heard that their favorite child went missing and their least favorite child is to be blamed for.” You laugh at yourself.

You will never forget the look of terror on your mother’s face when you returned with your clothes torn and freezing. It wasn’t because of the state that you were in, but the fact that you returned without Annie. She immediately went around town, asking for help, and everybody searched to no avail. Your mother never directly stated that it was your fault, but the way she looked at you like she was going to throw up.

You so desperately wanted to apologize to her, but each time you tried it, she would change the subject. If you were insistent in talking about it, she would become violent. Items being thrown to the floor, her blood-curdling screams, those wide, gaping eyes glaring down at you like you’re vermin. It made you afraid of your own mother. That’s why you tried to bury your memories, and when you did, you either emotionally detached yourself or changed your thoughts to something else, just like how your mother did.

But every time you did think about your sister, you felt that immense guilt gulping you up. You would become manic—wanting to do anything possible to seek forgiveness. You would return to that fragile, little girl who wanted her mother’s love.

Taehyung searches through his pockets, giving you one of the candies that you gave to him. Some of the wrappers fall out of his pocket as well, but he ignores them. You raise an eyebrow, but he nudges for you to take it. It’s the watermelon flavor candy.

“The candies are so sweet there’s no room for bitterness. That’s what I learned after eating so much of it.”

You take it from his hand, unwrapping it and putting it in your mouth. And just like what he said, your tongue is overflowing with the sweet, sweet watermelon. When you look up at Taehyung’s face, making proper eye contact with him for the first time, you notice something odd. His expression is blank, but tears are falling.

You let out a single laughter. “Why are you the one crying?”

He didn’t need to say anything for you to know that he sympathizes, maybe even empathizes, with you. It always felt like when you said something, you got attacked in return. Whether it be Suniya nagging at you, Kim criticizing your rash behavior, those faceless comments on your article bashing you, or even your mother neglecting you when you tried mending the relationship, it felt like everything you did was a mistake. No one wanted to listen to you, and it made you scared to be honest.

He brushes your bangs away to get a better look at your face. Even though you barely know him, it feels like he’s been your longtime friend. Without thinking, you drop yourself onto him, hiding your face in his chest. You hold him tightly, silently crying on his shirt. He’s confused, as stiff as a rock. He slowly sets his hands on your back like an amateur hugger. But you’re no different either since you’re just as awkward as he is.

“I’m...sorry.” He apologizes.

You laugh through the sobs. “Why are you apologizing? It’s not your fault.”

He doesn’t reply.

You forgot how sticky your hands are—Taehyung’s lint gets stuck on the palm of your hands. You rarely talk about yourself, but with Taehyung, it feels oddly comfortable around him. Just the look of his eyes alone, you knew that he wasn’t going to judge you. You didn’t need to get defensive because you felt safe.

“Thanks for listening to me.”

———

You peek through the crack of the door, waving at him one more time before leaving. He waves back, mouthing the words, ‘please come back soon’. You nod, gently closing the door. You sigh, slightly embarrassed for breaking down earlier. It’s not every day that you have a heart-to-heart conversation with someone, so it was new. But you can’t hide that little smirk on your face, like some of that weight on yours has been alleviated.

“Seems like no matter how many times I tell you, you think you’re superior to me.”

Startled, you nearly scream when you cover your mouth. You spin around and meet eyes with the doctor who seems unsurprised that you’re here.

“Uhm...I can explain.”

“No need. I give up on trying to convince you.”

“...Really?”

“I don’t know what you want from that kid, but it doesn’t seem like it’s bad. Just don’t pick on him.”

“I’m not.”

“Even if I did tell you to stop, you’ll just continue breaking in late at night.” He walks off.

That felt...a bit too easy. You thought that he was going to put up more of a fight, but it might be because of old age or because of your stubbornness, he was quick to throw in the towel. However, you aren’t complaining about this and if anything, plays in your favor.

———

For the next few days, you have been visiting Taehyung. You two wouldn’t do much but talk, and these conversations would go on for hours. For once, it didn’t feel like your life was single-colored, and his liveliness was contagious. You found yourself laughing and smiling a lot more than usual. But it isn’t as if you two are doing anything spectacular, just talking.

There are traits of him that you’ve noticed. He has these moments where he’s easy to read, like a child, but there are other times when he’ll blank out and you have no idea what’s in his mind. He’s always curious about the world and whenever there’s something that he doesn’t know, he would ask you. He doesn’t ask the doctor and always goes to you first.

“Taehyung?” You peek through the doors.

No reply. Instead, you hear the shower going off in the bathroom, so he must be taking a shower. You thought about waiting in the lobby, not wanting to scare him when he’s out of the shower, but you also think it’s better to stay. Even though you and the doctor came to terms, it’s still uncomfortable being in the same room as him since he hasn’t let go of his distaste for city people yet. Despite treating you horribly, the doctor isn’t harsh with Taehyung. There are times when he loses patience with him, but never gets angry.

And speaking of Taehyung, you’re startled when you hear a thud in the bathroom. Alerted, you rush to the room, twisting the doorknob and seeing him on the ground, completely wet. You get down on your knees, placing your hands on his shoulders.

“Oh, (Y/N), you’re here.”

“Are you okay?! What were you trying to do?”

“I tried turning on the water faucet, but I couldn’t turn the handle. I think I put too much strength and slipped after it turned on.”

“You should’ve asked the doctor for help,” you brush his hair. “Geez, your bandages are wet.”

“I do ask him, but he always looks like he’s annoyed at me every time I ask. I don’t wanna bother him anymore, so I wanted to try and do it myself.”

You groan. That damn doctor, only thinking for himself. “Don’t force yourself to do things especially since you’re still recovering. You should be resting instead.”

“...I’ve always done things by myself,” Taehyung slumps his shoulders. “Whenever I asked someone, they would always get angry.”

“Says who?”

“...Says everyone.”

‘Everyone’? You don’t know anyone other than you, Sheriff Tusk, and the doctor who visits him. Margaret would ask about him from you every so often, but you aren’t sure if she comes by either. Whatever it is, it’s bothering Taehyung, so much so that he’s so gloomy.

“Hey, you can always rely on me.”

He stares at you with wide eyes, but then he looks away, defeating himself before he gets the chance to smile. “But...you aren’t here all the time.”

“Well...good point,” you contemplate. “It’s not always possible, but just call my name and I’ll come to the rescue.”

It’s unrealistic. Obviously, you’re no superhero who can pop up to save the world with a single cry of help. You don’t want to give him hope and be disappointed when you don’t fulfill it. You feel like a parent—giving shallow promises just to shove his worries away, but at the same time, you’re being genuine.

“It’s a small town. I’m sure I can hear your voice. Besides, you were in trouble and I came in time to save you,” you pat him on the shoulder. “Come on, let’s change your clothes.”

You grab him from under his arm, helping him get up. You walk with him to his bed. Once he sits down, you look through the cabinets for towels,  finding a white hand cloth folded on the third shelf. You go back to him, using the cloth to massage it over his wet hair, but not too aggressive to affect his injury. Whenever you wipe too hard, Taehyung’s face would scrunch up and he would put his hand on your wrist.

“(Y/N), do you have a family?”

“Hm? What’s this all of a sudden?”

“I’m just curious about you.”

“I do. I have a mom and a dad and...that’s it.”

“...Do you live with them?”

You shake your head. “I live alone.”

“Why?”

“It’s because...my parents and I don’t get along. After Annie went missing, my parents got divorced and I lived with my mom for a while. But I couldn’t stand living with her anymore so after I graduated high school, I moved out and lived on my own.”

“What does divorce mean?”

“You don’t know what it means?”

He shakes his head. “I heard people use it, but I never really knew what it meant.”

“It’s when a married couple doesn’t want to be together anymore and decides to separate.”

“Oh…”

“What about you? Do you remember your family?”

“A little bit. I don’t remember my dad, but I do remember some things about my mom. I think my mom left my dad when I was very young, so I lived with her. But we ran away from home and moved to a new place. I don’t know how she looks, but she always took care of me. And she always had bruises, too. But I don’t remember why.”

Your ears perk up when he brings up the notion of bruises. It definitely stands out. It makes you a little worried about what sort of environment Taehyung lived in prior to losing his memories.

“She also dressed differently from you. Actually...everyone from my memories doesn’t dress like you or the doctor or the policeman.” He tries to recollect his memories, but it only frustrates him more.

“Okay, okay. Don’t give yourself a headache. Take your time to remember everything.”

You continue to dry his head until you think it’s done. But just as you were about to leave, Taehyung places his hands on your waist to stop you from leaving.

Your cheeks turn red. “Tae-Taehyung? What are you doing?”

“Thank you…(Y/N), for visiting me all the time. Even though I’m a good-for-nothing, you keep me company.”

You scoff. “No one called you a good-for-nothing. And if anyone did, just ignore them.”

Without thinking, you pat him on the head, running your fingers through his damp hair. He peeks one eye out to look at your face, but when you two make eye contact, he quickly hides back into your stomach.

“You won’t leave me? I don’t have to be alone anymore, right?”

There’s no reason for him to question you, and you know full well that that can’t be the case. After all, you’re here for work, not to make friends. However, you can’t bring yourself to break his heart. The way his voice deepened, his tone sounding so...solemn. Like he experienced trauma that he never wants to go through again.

“I promise.”

And with that vow, he raises his head up, grinning from ear to ear. His eyes become smaller from how wide his smile is.

“I really like you, (Y/N), you know that?”

Your heart nearly skips a beat, then your ears turn red. You fan your face, telling yourself not to misread what he said. “Me too. I’m glad we’re friends.”

He raises his head up, a little upset. “That’s not what I mean.”

“What?”

“I mean…never mind.”

———

“Count very slowly to twenty, okay honey?”

A younger version of Taehyung nods his head.

“Close your eyes and cover them with your hands. Don’t peek because if you do, then you’re cheating. People don’t like cheaters.”

He nods again. “Are we playing hide and seek like the kids?”

In the middle of the forest, the woman has Taehyung stand against a dead tree. The woman cups his cheek with her icy hands, brushing his curly bangs back as she looks like she’s trying to fight the urge to cry. Her lips are curled inward, and she opens her mouth to speak. But finding difficulty in letting one word out, she lets out a shaky sigh, averting her eyes from Taehyung.

He can’t keep his eyes off of the purple and green bruises on her frail arms. His mother is so thin that she doesn’t have any fat in her. She doesn't even have muscles—she’s skin and bones. Her eyes look sunken, like her eyes are shrinking. However, Taehyung didn’t think too much about her mother’s malnourishment because his body looks just like hers.

“Y-yes. You know that I love you, right?”

He nods for the third time.

“O...okay...if you love me,  th-then close your eyes and don’t peek. And remember: you’re a strong bear—so strong that you can withstand the winter cold.”

He covers his eyes with his hands, counting from one. His mother waves her hand in front of him. When he doesn’t jolt from her hand, she takes this chance to flee. He keeps counting even after being the only one in the forest.

“Eight...nine...ten...elevephen...twelve...fo...four...four…? Fiveteen...si-six…” He loses count, though he thought it was strange that his mother made him count to twenty even though he can barely count to ten. “...Mom?”

———

“I came from Korea.”

In the room, the sheriff is keeping record as Taehyung continues.

“I think...my mom and I immigrated here a long, long time ago. She said that we had a better chance of living here than there.”

“By ‘long time ago,’ can you give me a specific time frame?”

“...I can’t. It was too long that I don’t know.” 

While he tries to recall his past, he looks out the window and notices you with Kim. Unlike the stoic faces he made, his eyes light up, losing interest on the sheriff and onto you. Tusk glances over to you, clearly sensing the light-hearted vibe coming from Taehyung.

He walks over to the window, raising his eyebrow. “You and that girl have gotten quite close.”

“I like it when she’s here.”

“Even though she’s the reason why you’re here in the first place?”

His smile disappears. The doctor and policeman are always dragging him down with pessimism, so he doesn’t like it when they talk to him.

“She did hurt me, but she’s trying her best to make it up. What she did is wrong, but I forgive her.”

But Sheriff Tusk doesn’t seem convinced. He sighs, closing his notepad. “Well, this is definitely a step forward. It looks like I’ll let (Y/N) off the hook, and I’m confident that you didn’t harm her either that night. If there’s anything else that comes up, then update me whenever you can.”

“Okay.”

———

You glance through Taehyung’s window, only able to see the top of his head. You aren’t sure what he’s doing, but you pray that he’s resting. You’re so distracted that you weren’t watching where you were going and nearly tripped over a rock hidden in the snow.

“Be careful!”

“I’m okay…”

“What were you looking at?” Kim looks up at the direction you were staring at, then she understands. “Is it Taehyung?”

You nod.

“You two became fast friends. I would’ve never thought that it’d be possible.”

“I guess it is.”

“What do you guys even talk about? You’ll go visit and be gone for hours.”

“Anything, but he likes talking about food mainly. Though, he likes almost everything that I bring in.” You smile unconsciously.

Seeing your cheeks turn red, that’s when it hits Kim. She smirks, elbowing you on the arm. “I get it.”

“What?”

“You like him, don’t you?”

“H-huh? What? N...No! Not like that.”

Not this again. You already went through this with Margaret, and you don’t want another misconception...right? You’re actually embarrassed to hear that in contrast to how indifferent you were when Margaret brought it up.

This is the first for Kim to see you in this state. You always appeared calm and collected—making almost every decision without hesitation. Having your more vulnerable side present makes you seem more human.

“If you try to deny it in that tone, obviously I’m going  to assume the other way around! You two hit it off pretty well in the beginning…I mean...You two got along great. You were even begging to see him.”

“Th...that…!”

“Why are you getting so shy? You’re a grown woman, no need to hide how you feel. You act like this is your first crush.” She laughs.

But when you don’t laugh along with her, that’s when she knew that her joke was true.

“Wait...you’ve never liked someone before?! I don’t mean to judge but...of all your years, you’ve never once dated??? Not even had a crush on someone??”

“Yea, I’ve never liked anyone before, but why are you assuming that I like Taehyung…?”

“You make it more obvious than the sky being blue. I’m not gonna lie, Taehyung is pretty handsome. Maybe if he didn’t act childish then I would’ve probably liked him too.”

“It’s not that he’s childish...More like, he’s very curious. But as I  said, I don’t like him in that sort of way.”

“Mm-hmm, you can deny it all you want. It seems like Taehyung’s into you, too. Well...no doubt since you’re the only person to ever talk to him and is around his age.”

You like being around him, but you’re not sure if you like him in that sort of way. You two barely met a few weeks ago, so it’s too premature to be walking through romance territory. Despite it being a few weeks, it truly does feel like you two have known each other for a long time though.

“Well, don’t be in denial for too long. We don’t have much time here until the train comes back, and I don’t think you would want to leave with regrets.”

“I know.”

You don’t like thinking about that. It’ll dishearten him, as well as you, when the time comes. But eventually, you have to tell him that you’re going back home.

“...You said that you’d like him if he wasn’t childish...What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Why are you so curious? I meant what I said.”

“So you’re saying you have a chance with him?”

She’s confused, but it takes her a while before realizing your intentions. She elbows your ribcage, laughing. “You’re jealous!”

“I’m...I’m not! I’m just wondering…!”

Kim never realized how easy it is to read you at times. You and Kim continue your conversation until you two return to the inn. As you two walk off, Taehyung watches from his window.

———

“Who’s the lady with you?”

“Lady?”

You’re in the hospital room, peeling the skin of an apple with a knife. The snow has been getting heavier these days and it’s been like this for a while now. The sky has become cloudy, and there’s no sign of the sun anywhere.

“She was with you when you first came here, too.”

“Oh, Kim? We’re acquaintances. We barely know each other.”

“Really?”

“Yea.”

“Oh, okay. I thought you two were friends.”

“No, not really. She’s a nice woman though. Why do you ask?”

He keeps quiet, picking on his blanket as he sulks.

“I don’t have that many friends. The only other person that I talk to is my agent.”

His eyes widen.

“Hm? What’s wrong?”

“I thought you didn’t have anybody…”

You aren’t sure where he’s going with this. You set the sliced apples down on a plate, giving one to him to which he takes.

“I know a lot of people. It’s a part of my job as a journalist.”

“Are you...close with any of them?”

You’re confused with why he’s interested in your personal relationships. That’s when you get the hint, making you smile. “I’m not close with any of them.”

He sighs in relief and you laugh. Surprised by your laughter, he becomes embarrassed. “Wh-what??”

“Are you trying to make me feel bad about not having that many friends?”

He seems confused, so you realized that your initial assumption was wrong. His cheeks turn red, pouting. “That’s not it.”

You tilt your head, confused.

“I thought you didn’t have any friends or close family, so I was surprised with how close you were with that lady.”

“I know a lot of people, but it doesn’t mean that I’m close with them,” after Taehyung finishes one apple slice, you give him another. “Every relationship that I have with someone is different from the other. Like you and Kim for example. Kim is like my current work partner, and you’re…like a friend.”

It’s unusual to call somebody your friend. It was so easy for you to push others away, but Taehyung is the first person that you want to be close with. There was something about him that attracted you—like a fly buzzing toward a light.

And like an attractive light, Taehyung’s smile is just as bright. “I’m glad that I’m your friend.”

“Yea...me too.”

You thought about what Kim said, about how you feel about Taehyung. Of course, he’s a joy to be around—that bubbly yet curious personality of his is hard to dislike. It’s the sort of trait you don’t see too often in adults, especially in the big city, so it’s a breath of fresh air.

You peer over at the window, and it doesn’t seem like the weather is going to calm down. If anything, it looks like it’s going to get worse overnight. It’s so bad that you can’t even see a few feet in front of you.

“Oh no, it looks like there’s going to be a blizzard.”

The inn isn’t that far, and if anything, it won’t be an issue crossing over. But that isn’t the problem. Just the thought of going through a blizzard makes you feel...uncomfortable. Unwanted emotions return, the kind that darkens your mind.

Taehyung can sense the tension, so he thinks of something to bring you back. “Will you be okay?”

“Yea...I think so.”

But he isn’t convinced. Your face says it all, and you don’t want to go out there. He contemplates, then a light bulb turns on when an idea sparks.

“How about you stay here for the night?”

“Huh? No, I’m fine. It’s just snow, and this is a place for patients. I don’t want to take up space.”

“No one comes here and it gets a little lonely at night. If you go out tonight, you might get sick, then you’ll have to stay here for sure.”

“What are the chances that I get sick? Besides, the doctor might not—”

“I don’t mind.” The doctor shouts from the lobby.

His voice catches you by surprise. You didn’t think he could hear you two talk, so now it makes you conscious about how much he’s eavesdropped. The walls truly are thin here.

“See? Stay here tonight.” He reaches over, grabbing your hand.

His thumb strokes your knuckles and he gives you puppy eyes. You can’t say no to him when he gives you that look. You cover your mouth, hiding your burning cheeks as well.

“Okay...I’ll sleep in the room next door. Do you know if the doctor has any spare toothbrushes?”

“Yes, I do.” He shouts from the lobby again.

You sigh, wondering how much he’ll keep listening. “Thanks…”

———

You and Taehyung are brushing your teeths in the same bathroom. While you’re looking at yourself in the mirror, Taehyung is fixated on you. He’s trying to copy how you brush your teeth. Whenever you brush your right teeth, he does the same. When you move to your left, he does that as well. When you spit out the foam, he does the same.

After washing your face, you head to your room, and Taehyung follows. You look behind, stopping, and he stops as well. He’s holding a pillow and blanket, giving you the hint that he wants to sleep with you.

“What are you doing?” Even though you know, you still want to ask.

“I want to go to the same room. I don’t like sleeping alone.”

“But isn’t your room fine as it is?”

“Yea but...it doesn’t have you in there.”

You blush. “But sleeping in the same room is…”

He tilts his head, puzzled. With that innocent look on his face, you don’t want to say any further.

“Anyway, we shouldn’t sleep in the room.”

“But we stay in the same room during the day, and for a long time too. What’s wrong about sleeping in the same room?”

“It’s just…”

You know that he won’t do anything to you, but just the thought of sleeping in the same room is a bit too much. You truly are immature—being a woman in her mid-twenties and is still conscious about sleeping in a room with a man, not even the same bed.

“Is it because there’s only bed? You can sleep there and I can sleep on the couch! If you don’t like that, then I can move my bed into your room and—”

“That’s not it. We’re just going to be next door, so if you ever need anything, then just knock.”

He looks disappointed, but he doesn’t push further. “Okay…”

“Then...good night.”

“Good night.”

You walk to the room, and you look behind one more time, waving. He smiles and waves back. It’s saddening to see him look forward to sleeping in the same room as you, but you don’t want to push boundaries. You keep telling yourself that this decision is for the better.

———

The children are having a snowball fight. Just on the outskirts of the small  town, the kids build fortresses out of snow, using it as a shield to avoid the offense team. They’re running around and laughing, thankful for it to be snowing so they can play.

But approaching them with small steps is Taehyung, still as a child, his hands clasped to his thin jacket. He’s shaking violently, his skin so pale and frozen cold. His hair is a mess, dirt marks smeared all over his skin. His bottom lip trembles and has turned blue, but he still smiles.

His stench can be smelled from the distance, disrupting their fun. The smell of sweat is Taehyung’s signature scent, like a foreboding sign that he’s drawing near. He’s gotten skinnier since the last time he came to Little Bare. Bags hide underneath his eyes, his round cheeks absent.

“It’s Taehyung. Run away!”

The children hide behind the fortresses, and this hurts Taehyung. However, he remains determined and keeps smiling. “Can...I play with you guys?”

But his request isn’t heard. The children are occupied with making snowballs, combining it with the rocks on the ground to create spiky snowballs. They make enough to form a pile. They start throwing them at Taehyung, and although the first few miss, some hit his body.

He raises his hands up, using his hands to block his face. He runs off, but right at the last moment, one child is able to nail a snowball perfectly at the back of his head. THACK! Only he heard the impact to his head. It was hard enough that he fell forward, his face landing first.

The children laugh. “Hurry! Run before the hungry boy eats us!!”

They skip away to their homes. He loses consciousness for a few seconds before groaning. His head pulsates, touching where it hurts but immediately pulls his hand away because of how painful it is. Underneath his breath, he calls for his mother. He calls for her many times, but no matter how many times, she doesn’t return to rescue him.

Still, he wants to believe that his mother will return. She’ll return to him to make him a warm meal under a roof. He’ll finally get to eat candy like the rest of the kids, and maybe, just maybe, the kids will let him play with them. But for now, he has to prove that he’s strong in hopes that his mother will want him back.

As he gets up, limping as his desire to conform with the kids slowly turns into disgust. The animosity grows as strong as the dizziness that blurs his vision. He limps for what felt like hours until he returns to his new home—a large, ominous cave. The mouth of the cave is dark and hollow, like it can suck anyone of any size in.

He leans on the rocky walls, scratching his arm while dragging his body deeper into the darkness. He places his hand on the wall, leaving bloody handprints and smearing them as he moves. He falters, landing face first, which worsens the damage to the head. He turns his head to the left, and there’s a mysterious marking of a grizzly bear with strange symbols around it. It’s been there ever since he found the cave.

His vision blackens as his eyelids become heavier. One tear drops from his eye, apologizing to his mother that he couldn’t be as strong as she hoped for. Within two weeks of her disappearance, he’s giving up. Fighting became a chore, and now sleeping seems like a better option.

And thus, he closes his eyes for good. And the last thing he thought of was a wish. A wish that he could’ve made at least one friend.

But before he does, the drawing of the grizzly bear on the wall begins to glow.

———-

Taehyung gasps for air, clawing at his throat. He felt pressure on his chest, and it was so clustered that he could’ve sworn that he stopped breathing. He sits up, not realizing that he had been crying in his sleep. Looking down at his pillow, there’s a large puddle of tears and on his eyes as well.

He brings his knees closer to him, covering his ears as he squeezes his eyes shut. Stop it. I don’t want them anymore, he repeats in his head. His memories are terrifying, as if every time he goes back in the past, all it ever becomes is jumping straight into a nightmare. Waking up from an unwanted dream makes this damp room seem scarier, like there’s no one to protect him.

“(Y/N)...” You’re the first person to come to mind. But when he calls for your name, you’re not there. He recalls that you’re sleeping in the room next door.

He gets out of bed, grabbing his pillow and blanket as he walks out of the room. He drags his feet to your room, knocking on the door.

“(Y/N)? Are you asleep?”

There’s no response. He looks at both ends of the hallway, paranoid that some evil ghost is going to appear in either direction. He clutches onto the pillow tighter.

“(Y/N)?”

The calm snow has turned into a blizzard again, and the gales whistle in the cracks of the windows. The wind shakes violently against the window, almost like a robber trying to break in. It scares him more, so he lowers his head, praying that you heard him.

“(Y/N)? Are you there?”

It reminds him of his childhood after his mother left. After wandering in the forest for a long time, he found a cave. While he was excited to live there, nighttime was never his favorite. The large opening left him vulnerable to wild animals to potentially attack him. And standing at the center of the hall reminds him of that, that exposure of his body to the cold world, his life taken away at any second.

“I’m scared...so please…”

The doorknob twists, startling him. He gasps, holding his breath in, but he lets it go when it was you that opened it. You’re rubbing your eyes, yawning. “Taehyung? What are you doing up so late?”

He hastily enters your room, closing the door for you. “Is it okay if I sleep here?”

You don’t make an immediate response, which scares him that you’ll decline.

“I had a nightmare.”

It might be because you’re half-asleep, but it doesn’t take that much persuasion to let him sleep. “Alright...but sleep on the couch.”

“Okay!” He takes baby steps to the couch, placing his pillow by the arm rest and lays down. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Sleep tight.” And just like that, you go to bed.

Taehyung watches you sleep, seeing as you’ve already knocked out within seconds. He tries to fall asleep as well, but no matter how many times he tosses and turns, he can’t sleep. He’s gotten comfortable being the person he is now, happy to be here and seeing you every day, not the depressed child who was abandoned by everyone.

Some time has gone by, and he still can’t sleep. He’s staring at the ceiling, listening to you breathe steadily. The nightmare he had is as vivid as ever, experiencing the phantom pain that came with the head injury.

“(Y/N)? Are you still awake?” Without a response, it tells Taehyung that you’re not.

He sits up, staring at you. He gives it a few seconds before getting out of bed. He stands over your bed before making the rash decision to sleep next to you.

He lays down, his face just mere inches away from yours. Despite being so close, he finds your face mesmerizing. He’s so close that he can feel your breathing.

Taehyung wanted to lay next to you just to see how it’s like to sleep next to someone. It’s so comforting knowing that there’s someone next to him, like the paranoia has been swept away. The longer he stares at you, the redder his face turns. Even though it’s the middle of winter, his face feels hot. He sees you every day, but he can’t understand why he’s nervous now.

He wants to move closer, but your hand is in between your and his face. Rather than move it away, he bites his bottom lip in contemplation. He’s already crossing the line, so he’s afraid that you’ll push him away if he tries too much.

He puts his hand over yours, intertwining his fingers. Your hands are smaller than he thought, his palm already engulfing it. Not only that, but your hand is so warm. Your fingers jolt, which nearly made him pull his hand away. But after that, you’re still. He sighs in relief.

Laying next to him is you, the person who’s taken care of him since the beginning. Judging on his fragmented memories, you’re the first person to ever fight to be with him. It doesn’t matter the reason, he’s just happy that someone thinks that he’s worth it. But at the same time, you’re the person who got him into this mess. You’re the one who threw that rock, just like the other kids. You made his head bleed like how they did. And yet…

He forgives you.

He gently presses his forehead against your forehead. He wished you could stay with him forever so that he can never experience abandonment again. Taehyung is afraid that you’ll end up being like his mother—crying for your name but you never coming to his rescue.

———

The blizzard has died down, and the blaring sun blinds your eyes. You flutter your eyes open, using your arm to cover them from the light. You sit up, exhaling as your vision adjusts to the morning rays.

“Good morning!” Taehyung exclaims as he opens the windows.

You had forgotten that he slept here last night. Even though it’s early in the morning, Taehyung is as energetic as usual.

“Did you sleep well?” You rub your eyes.

“Better than ever.”

You barely remember what happened last night. You know you got up to open the door, but after that, it was a blur. Taehyung also looks chirpier than usual, though you don’t know why. It could be because he got what he wanted and sleep in the same room as you. Whatever the reason, you’re glad that he’s smiling.

As you get out of bed and into the bathroom to wash up, he glances at you. His smile is gone, contemplating some thoughts in his head.

In the bathroom, you splash water in your face after brushing your teeth. You look at yourself in the mirror and massage your cheeks, feeling a little conscious about making weird faces in your sleep. You hope that you didn’t make any noises during the night either.

You walk out of the door, startled when Taehyung turns out to be just by the entrance. “Whoa! Sorry, did I almost hit you?”

But he ignores your question, folding his hands together. “(Y/N), I was just wondering...but you live in the city, right?”

“Yea, I do.”

“...When are you leaving?”

“Uhm...we’ve been here for a pretty long time now, so I think I have a few days until our train comes to pick us up.”

He looks pained just hearing that. “Then...if it’s okay with you, can I show you something before you leave? I think I finally know who I am, at least, the more important parts of myself.”

“This...came out of nowhere, but I’m glad you remember everything. What do you want to show me?”

“It’s...where I used to live. It’s not that far from here.”

You raise an eyebrow. “You live near here? Sure, I don’t mind, but are you even allowed to go out?”

“...Yea. The doctor gave me permission to leave. Is it possible to go later tonight?”

Tonight? You’re unsure about it. It’s too dangerous, especially if you two stray too far away from the town. “Can’t we go tomorrow morning? It’ll be too dark if we go later.”

“I know, but I’m afraid that if we wait in the morning, then i’m going to forget. Please! It sounds crazy...a-and stupid, but I don’t want to sit around and wait anymore. There’s...something I want to confirm with myself. My memories are jumbled up, and I feel like if I go as soon as possible, then everything will make sense. If not, then can we at least go when the sun’s setting?”

You’re still hesitant about it. But seeing the desperation in his eyes, it’s apparent that with or without you, he’s going to go on his own. The tale of the Winter Bear is real, and if Taehyung is taken by it, then it’ll be blood on your hands. If not that, then a coyote can eat him too.

It’s that feeling of responsibility coming back again. If you say no and he’s in danger, you have to live with guilt. You can’t bear to lose another person because of your selfishness.

“O...okay, I’ll go with you. But only in the condition that we go back as soon as you show me.”

“Thank you so much!”

Even though he seemed happy earlier, there’s an air of seriousness. You thought it was strange that he lives near here, and despite Little Bare being so small, no one knew he had been nearby all this time. Although he’s vague about it, it does make you curious about him.

———

“You’re going out again?” Kim crosses her arms.

While back in the inn, you’re putting on your coat. The whole day has already gone by, and you’re going to meet Taehyung just like you planned. However, Kim isn't impressed by it.

“Is he even allowed to go out? It doesn’t seem like he completely recovered.”

You shrug your shoulders. “Apparently, the doctor said that it was okay.”

However, Kim doesn’t seem to agree with your answer. She creases her eyebrows, putting her index finger to her chin as if thinking.

“What?”

“You know...you’ve been seeing him a lot lately. More than actually doing work.”

“Oh, I’m sorry for not helping. Is there anything specific you wanted me to do?”

“No...it’s okay. I already have a basis for my book. Besides, if this was to help you reconcile with your past, then it’s alright.”

“...I feel horrible, like I didn’t help at all.”

She shakes her head. “No, you did a lot more than you think.”

You crease your eyebrows, not entirely sure what she means by that. Regardless, you’re glad that you somehow helped her, though not sure with what and how.

“But...I’m really curious. What relationship do you have with Taehyung? I know you told me that you just met him, but to be frank, whenever I do see you two talk, it seems like you guys have known each other for years.”

You don’t respond. This should be an easy answer, yet, you struggle.

“Miss Suniya told me about you. Mind if we chat for a little bit before you go?”

“Sure...” You sit down on a chair, then Kim sits by the edge of the bed. “What did she say about me?”

“She told me that you have selective memory loss.”

You’re not surprised that Suniya told her about your condition.

“I’m sure there are things that you do and don’t remember about this place, which is why it probably wasn’t so hard to convince you to come with me. The reason why I never bothered you to help me with the book is because I wanted to give you the chance to regain the repressed memories naturally.”

You don’t know where she’s going with this. “...Why is it important that I remember?”

“Well, I...this...you…” she stumbles with her words. “I just want to tell you that you’re a really special person.”

“...Where is this coming from?”

“I don’t think you understand how hard it was to get into contact with you,” She steps closer. “Miss (Y/N), you’re the only person who’s ever seen the Winter Bear and survived. You’re the reason why I became intrigued with this myth in the first place, but those blockbuster people paid news outlets to get rid of articles written about you to sell this myth as a friendly story, so I hit a dead end until I read your article and knew that I found you.”

Things are beginning to click, but you don’t like where this is going. “This...isn’t only about the myth...is it?”

“Do you not realize how big this story is going to be when I write about your encounter with the bear?! People are gonna go crazy over it, then people won’t look down on me for studying mythology. So that’s why, Miss (Y/N), I want to know your relationship with that Taehyung person. My instincts tell me that there’s more to him than what meets the eye.”

“So...you’re doing all this to make money?”

“Why else are we here?” Kim crosses her arms. “Miss (Y/N), don’t pretend to be a hero when we both know that you tagged along for the money, too.”

“This doesn’t feel right...and what about Taehyung?”

The misery that you went through only to be exploited for money is one thing, but for her to use Taehyung, it’s a different story. You’re so infuriated with her that everything in your vision turns red. You thought about punching her, but you manage to control yourself.

Kim gets on her knees, right before your feet. “Who cares about what he thinks? Miss (Y/N), we are writers trying to survive, aren’t we? No matter how many people compliment our writing abilities, words aren’t going to put food on the plate.”

“Stop it…”

You have a flashback of being a kid again, but in the hospital, being checked for any injuries. You didn’t show any physical pain, your mentality however…

“No, I don’t want to…”

“I need you to go back in the past and try. It doesn’t hurt to remember Annie, right?”

The image of your mother crouching over a chair, her face buried in her hands as she cries her heart out. You two are in the police station, waiting for any updates to Annie’s disappearance when a policeman broke the devastating news that they won’t continue the search.

“Don’t you want justice for your baby sister? So you need to come out and describe how the Winter Bear looks like.”

You cover your ears, fragments of your memories that you tried so hard to bury are returning to the surface. You remember the forest, knee-deep in the snow, meeting the friend you made during your stay here. You remember intertwining your pinky finger with your friend’s finger, promising that you’ll be friends forever. A childish vow that you wished you never committed. Because you also promised that friend that you’ll introduce Annie.

“So please, remember—”

“Stop it! I should’ve never come along with you!”

You get up from the chair, marching right for the door and slamming it behind you. Now standing on the other side of the door, you lean on it, rubbing your eyes as you grunt. You don’t want to remember; it’s better if they never come back. You like the way things are. You have nothing to worry about, you want to feel like there’s nothing to worry about. For now, you just want to see Taehyung.

———

At the front of the inn, Taehyung is already there, wearing a thick jacket but is still in his patient uniform. It’s already dark out, but you can see him clearly. When he sees you, he smiles and waves. However, you seem fazed with what Kim said. He’s quick to catch on to your discomfort, so he wraps his hands around yours. It catches you by surprise, but it goes away when he beams.

“How are you?”

“Great, how about you?”

“Good! It’s a lot colder than the last time I went outside.”

You chuckle. “Yea, you’ve been locked up in that hospital.”

“The hospital isn’t that bad. Anyway, are you ready?”

“Sure. How hard is it from here?”

“Not too far,” he takes you by the hand. “Come on, it’s already getting dark.”

He drags you to the direction of his supposed home. You look back at the inn, your senses finally returning and realizing that you’re really going to Taehyung’s residence late at night. You know you can trust him, but there’s something off about this that lingers in the back of your head. Yet, you don’t want to go back either, especially after hearing Kim’s real motive. You want to stay with Taehyung because you feel safer with him. Unlike many adults you’ve encountered, he’s transparent.

———

“Taehyung...are you sure you know where you’re going?”

As you two head deeper into the forest, the lights that came from the town disappear. You hold onto his hand tighter, fear crawling up your skin. It doesn’t help that it’s night either. In contrast to you, Taehyung is undisturbed.

“Yup, it’s beginning to look familiar.”

You regret choosing to go later in the day. If anything, you feel like a complete idiot for agreeing to go this late. It might be because you’re older and know the dangers of the world, but the woods seem far scarier compared to when you were a child.

“I don’t like this…! Let’s go back.”

After saying that, you hear a branch crack and it startles you. You let out a yelp, instinctively grabbing onto Taehyung’s arm. It doesn’t frighten him, so he’s clueless about why you’re afraid.

“If you’re scared, then hold on to me.”

Now conscious about your actions, you pull away, your cheeks flush with red. However, Taehyung doesn’t give you a chance to reconsider and drags you back into his arms. He wraps around your shoulders, squeezing you closer to his chest as he gives you a cheeky smile. You avert your eyes, sulking, but he’s not wrong about you being scared. You hold onto his shirt as you two continue walking.

To distract you from your fears, he changes the topic. “What kind of house do you live in?”

“Mine? Hm...well...it’s nothing fantastic. I live in a one-bedroom apartment.”

“That’s it?”

You nod. “It’s probably a little bigger than your private room back at the clinic.”

“Really?!”

“It’s small but so expensive...How about your home? I never got to ask if you live with anyone.” Though, judging by how no one that he knew came by to pick him up, he most likely lives alone.

“I live alone...and my home...is a little different from a normal home. It is big though.”

“Oh really? That must be cool. And to have it all for yourself too.”

“It was, and I thought it was cool because of how roomy it was...but it didn’t take for me to dislike it.”

“Oh...I’m surprised nobody has ever mentioned that you lived nearby...But speaking of your home, I was wondering, how long have you been living here?”

“Ever since I was a kid.”

“Really? And you’ve never ran into the Winter Bear?”

He shakes his head. “I rarely see bears in general.”

You thought it was strange how he’s lived here since he was a child and yet, he has never been kidnapped. If he’s lived here since he was young, then he would’ve been long gone.

“...My mother always told me that I’ll grow up to be strong. She said that I’ll be so strong that I won’t need to sleep like a bear who hibernates. And I believed her.”

Your ears perk up, listening to him attentively. You recall when Margaret that bears technically don’t hibernate.

“But a part of me thinks that it was mental training to prepare for when she abandoned me.”

You raise an eyebrow.

“That’s when I found a home to live. It was hard living by myself. Kids from Little Bare made fun of me for being a dirty boy and threw rocks at me until I ran away.”

“What are you talking about…? Little Bare doesn’t have any kids…”

“I hated living alone because it was scary, and all I wanted was a friend, or anybody who was willing to keep me company.”

What he’s saying is beginning to sound suspicious. You slowly pull yourself away from him, and it doesn’t seem like he minds.

“You know...travelling through my memories...I’ve always seen snow. Little Bare is always snowing no matter what year it is.”

“Taehyung...Little Bare doesn’t snow all the time. You know that...right?”

“Yea...so I wonder how the other seasons look like. It’s been so long. I learned that snow soaks in all sounds, which is why it’s always quiet during winter. I hate the silence more than anything. I want to know how it’s like to live where it’s filled with laughter.”

Taehyung draws near to his home, which is located in the middle of the forest. Horror slowly seeps under your skin when you start noticing how...familiar this place is. It was difficult to see the resemblance because of how dark it is, but once your eyes adjust to it, it looks as clear as your memories.

“So...it’s a little disheartening to hear that you’re leaving soon, (Y/N). I was hoping you could be here longer.”

You know this place all too well. Your legs begin to tremble, mortified that you have returned to the place that you desperately tried to keep buried in your subconscious. Standing before you is a large cave, towering over you and Taehyung. It’s like a gaping mouth ready to swallow anyone that comes in.

You fall backward, your hands buried in the freezing snow. You can’t get your eyes off of the cave as you hear haunting cries of children’s souls trickling from the depths of the hellhole; one of them sounds exactly like Annie.

Taehyung sees the pure terror in your eyes, crouching over as he tries to help you up. However, when he reaches his hand out, you finally remember exactly who Taehyung is. It makes sense why it was so easy for you to get along with him and why it felt like you’ve known him for so long. Back when you were six years old, this very person is the cursed Winter Bear—the monster who took Annie away.

You swipe his hand away, so shaken that no words are expressed. Your breathing becomes unstable, panic sets in, and your mind goes all sorts of directions. You think about one thing, but your mind heads the other way. You see Taehyung’s mouth moving, but you can’t hear it, only muffles. You can only hear a static ring fly across your ears. Even in the freezing temperatures, you’re sweating bullets.

“(Y/N)...I—”

“S-STAY AWAY!” You crawl backward, swinging your hand side to side to defend yourself from him.

It’s that innocent look in his eyes again that you vividly recall. He was able to transform into a bear and a kid, but when you first met him, he was a child just like you who found you playing in the snow by yourself. He lured you in with fictional affection, promising that he’ll never let you be neglected. It was all a ruse to lock you in that cave, just like the hundreds of souls in there, including your little sister’s.

He looks hurt, but he understands. Right as your memories are coming back to you, it’s returning to him as well. The screams of his victims, the scared look on their faces as they try to escape, and his vicious obsession of chasing after them. He pulls his hand back, knowing full well the crime that he committed twenty years ago. Just one glance at you and he knew that you won’t forgive him. So when you fled, he didn’t bother to chase after you.

All you hear from behind is the aching cries of a young man.

———

Keep running.

Don’t look back.

Focus in front of you.

You run through the forest without a light source. You don’t even know if it’s the right direction back to town, but anywhere is better than there. It was just like that time when you narrowly escaped Taehyung’s grasps. He was so occupied with your sister that he lost sight of you. Just like history repeating itself, you barely escaped his grasp.

You hate yourself for falling into his trap for a second time. Like a pied piper luring children, it was like his curse never uplifted. No wonder it didn’t take a lot for you to turn down the chance to come back to the town. You never learned from your mistakes, and that’s because you kept running away. You ran away so often that you even forgot his face.

Tears blur your vision, so you use your forearm to wipe them away. Despite the revelation, the resurgence of painful reminices, you feel awful for running away from Taehyung. You can’t forget the times spent with him, sharing personal stories of yourself and vice versa, and your friendship deepening. You promised him that he can rely on you, but you already broke it. But...how do you keep a promise with the monster who not only took your sister, but also took away your childhood?

You’re so focused on wiping the tears away that you bumped into someone and fell down. You scream in terror, kicking your feet as you try to get up.

“Hey! (Y/N), calm down!”

The person tries to grab your flailing legs, but you only kick harder. “STOP IT! LET GO! HELP!”

“(Y/N), (Y/N), it’s me! It’s me, relax!!” You feel two hands cupping your cheeks so you can look at the person. “It’s me, Suniya.”

You stop panicking. But your mind feels foggy, and for a moment, you’ve forgotten where you’re at.

“We work together. You’re a journalist, and I’m your agent. You’re twenty-six years old and live in the city. You graduated from the University of Redlands, and you’re the daughter of two parents who live miles away from you. You came here with a researcher to study the town called Little Bare. I came here because I was worried since I couldn’t contact you, then Miss Kim led me here.”

Your breathing becomes steady, regaining control of your unstable mind. It all comes back to you, and now that you got the chance to process what’s happened, your body becomes weak. The only thing you want to do now is cry. You hold onto Suniya, burying your face in her arms as you wail like a child.

Suniya is in shock, never seeing you cry this much before. She knew how much the Winter Bear affected you, but not to this extent, and it breaks her heart. She hugs you back, tears streaming down from her eyes as well.

“Suniya...I...lied. I lied to him again. I ran away. I got scared...I-I couldn’t think...then I left him there...An-Annie...I heard her cry. She was crying so much…”

“It’s okay...you’re safe. Don’t cry.” She hushes you.

She rocks you back and forth as you continue to sob. Your sentences are everywhere, but to question you in this state isn’t going to help. For now, what you need is to hide in somebody else’s arms until you’re okay.

———

“I shouldn’t never fucking agreed to this!” Suniya shouts.

In the room that you stayed in, Suniya is arguing with Kim. You’re sitting in the fetal position in the halls, your back against the wall. Even though the doors are closed, you can hear Yesosang’s voice as clear as day.

It’s the next morning, and you couldn’t sleep a wink. You and Suniya stayed in another room from the inn, not letting Kim know that you returned. The moment the sun rose, Suniya went straight to Kim’s room and has been arguing with her since.

“I thought I had to worry about you because (Y/N) can be a handful but...it was her that I should’ve been more concerned about. You're an absolute scum.”

“Please, try to understand from my viewpoint. Miss (Y/N)’s story needs to be heard—”

“‘Heard’? You mean use?! You don’t give a fuck about what she went through. I should’ve known better and not leave her in the hands of a stranger.”

“You didn’t need to word it that way. I was just trying to help her. I feel like, as a scholar in pursuit of knowledge, she has every right to remember every second of her memories.”

“Oh, don’t give me that scholar bullshit!! You’re no different than those Hollywood people exploited this damn town for money, and you’re not even different from us who are trying to live each day trying to make money. (Y/N)’s repressed memory is not your textbook!”

You can’t handle all this shouting anymore. You’re upset with yourself to make Suniya come all the way here, wasting her family time just to find you. Even though she blames Kim, you feel accountable for agreeing to go on this trip. Suniya can blame your mental instability all she wants, you’re still an adult, and you still said yes.

You wonder what Taehyung’s doing right now. Hopefully, he isn’t cold.

“We’re leaving tonight. You can stay stranded here for all I care. When we get back, we’re going to make sure that every publication doesn’t want to work with you,” Suniya stomps out of the room, taking you by the hand and dragging you with her. “Let’s go, (Y/N).”

As you two walk down the halls, she can sense the immense amount of guilt you’re carrying. She knows you’re blaming yourself, so she slows down and holds both of your hands.

“It’s not your fault, so stop worrying.”

You want to stop, but the guilt won’t leave. Once again, it’s suffocating thinking about what you could’ve done to prevent this from happening.

———

Outside, a gust of wind nearly blows Suniya off of her feet. She was only able to keep still because she was holding onto you. “Holy shit, is the weather always this bad??”

“It became like this recently.”

“Ugh…if this continues, then we might not be able to leave. Sorry, (Y/N).”

“It’s fine.”

Just as you two were returning to the inn, Magaret chases after you two. “Hold up just a minute! (Y/N), can I have a word with you?”

“Who are you?”

“It’s okay, Suniya. Margaret’s been taking care of me.”

She hugs you, almost making you break your back. “Oh dear god, I’m glad you’re alright. I heard that you went off into the forest with that young man. He didn’t touch you, did he?”

You shake your head.

“Thank god. Sheriff Tusk is currently looking for him and will make sure that his ass goes to prison.”

“Wait, what?”

“You can never fully trust men. They’re deceitful and only strive for one thing, and that’s—”

“Is there something important you wanted to say to (Y/N)? We’re in a bit of a hurry to leave.” Suniya saw how disturbed you became when she mentioned Taehyung.

Margaret scoffs. “In this weather? Lady, you’re gonna die if you go today.”

“Why?”

“It’s gonna be ‘nother blizzard happenin’ tonight, and it’s crazier than it’s ever been before. You outta stay one more night.”

But Suniya doesn’t have the patience to deal with another person. “Look, I know you guys don’t have that many outsiders, but I know when locals are trying to make tourists cough out as much money as possible. We’ll be taking our leave.”

What Margaret said about Sheriff Tusk going out to look for Taehyung, so it worries you that he’ll get in trouble. But knowing how quickly Suniya wants to leave this place, she won’t want to stay.

“Wait...I think you should listen to her…”

“You too??”

“The weather here can be pretty bad. We should stay one more night.”

“...Will you be fine…?”

You nod. “I’m not a kid.”

But she seems hesitant, but seeing as the weather is getting worse, it might be for the best. Besides, you’ve been here longer than she has, so she has no choice but to abide by your request. “Okay…”

Margaret’s eyes haven’t left you, clearly showing how worried she is for you. However, she doesn’t say anything as she knows you might want to brush it off. “Yea...it might be for the better.”

———

Later that night in the inn, you’re laying in bed while Suniya is taking a shower. And just like what Margaret said, the town is going through yet another blizzard. This time, it’s heavier compared to the first one. You’re still thinking about everything that happened the night before. You don’t know how you were unable to recognize Taehyung since the beginning.

Did you really repress your memories that much that you forgot his face? The cries from the children’s souls are still imprinted in your mind. Perhaps in the back of your head, you had a hutch that it was him, but his purity made you doubt yourself. Maybe you were keen on going back to him to confirm that it isn’t him from twenty years ago that you ignored the red flags.

Despite the tragedy that he caused in your family, you can’t forget the times spent together. Exposed to the reality of the world made you disregard that there are kind people like Taehyung. He’s caring...but you keep going back to when he lured you and Annie to his cave. It’s conflicting, like two sides of him that you know are real, yet they challenge one another. On one side, he’s your antagonist, but on the other side, he’s like a savior.

There’s a knocking at the door, alerting you. You get up, wondering if you should open it, but seeing as the knocking won’t stop, you get out of bed and open it. On the other side is Kim.

“Hi, Miss—” You nearly slam the door in her face, but she put her weight on the door just in time. “P-please, just give me a minute to explain! I just want to apologize for my selfishness!! I should’ve known better than to take advantage of your trauma.”

You take a second to rethink before opening it for her. You glance at the bathroom, hearing the showerhead still going off.

“You have until Suniya finishes showering to tell me.”

“Thank you…uhm...Again, I’m sorry...I was caught up with my own goals that I lost myself for a second. But...there are a few things that I’ve been doing way before I met you…” she shows you a vanilla folder in her arms. “Here’s some information that I’ve gathered from the town’s archives. It was not an easy task to obtain, so please take good care of them.”

 She passes the folder to you. When you open it, it’s filled with records that look so old that it’ll crumble at any second. Some of these papers feel like it’s decades old too.

“What’s this?”

“My research. I hope this is enough for you to forgive me...I think it’ll really help you with figuring out who Taehyung is and what this curse is.”

And just like that, Kim leaves. You close the door and set the folder down on the desk, spreading every individual paper out for you to read. Some of them are extremely old—going as far as the late 1800’s. The papers on top of the stack are about every recorded disappearance in Little Bare, even some that came after Annie’s. In total, there are a little under sixty child disappearances. As you go through each article, from most recent to oldest, you notice that at some point, the Winter Bear lore became big in the news in the 1950s when a wealthy child went missing. There was even an attempt to make a film out of it but was cancelled due to how controversial it was. To some extent, there was a children’s book in the 1940s about the bear as well.

But as you go back in time, there tends to be less coverage in the early 1900s, most likely due to new coverage of the two World Wars being more favored. A majority of its timeline has been skipped over, and now you’re in the 1880s with newspapers with titles like Exclusive!! Small Town Cursed with Black Magic or Real-Life Witch Doctor Lives!! Cave is an Accessway to Hell. The columns come with pictures of supposed real cave drawings, all are shapes resembling animals, some are birds, dogs, fish, and...bears. There are outrageous claims that the one responsible for those drawings used their blood.

However, as you skim through the articles, it explains what the purpose of those drawings are. Each one resembles the strength of each animal, bird = flight, fish = underwater breathing, etc. There are also theories that the etchings give the holder the ability to shapeshift, though it’s limited. In the third and last article, the title says, Breaking News: Immortality Exists...Or Does It?

Once you go through the papers, you make it to the last few papers. It’s been clipped together with a paperclip, and it’s a record of residences who previously lived in Little Bare. As you flip through them, some pages stick out to you. Some names in each year are highlighted with yellow, and it doesn’t take long for you to learn the pattern. Every name that Kim has colored in are Korean immigrants, and, in particular, there’s a large spike in Korean names in the 1910 records. In that exact, there’s only one name that has been highlighted and circled.

The name is Kim Taehyung.

After 1910, the Korean population here decreased significantly, to where there were no more. And the paper at the bottom of the stack is a black-and-white copy of a photograph with all the Korean immigrants that moved into Little Bare in that year. One there’s a pair that stands out to you. It’s a younger version of Taehyung smiling, and standing behind him is a woman, presumably his mother.

That’s when everything clicked for you. And in that moment, you take the picture from the folder, put on your boots and scarf, and take your thick coat before running out through the doors. You can’t wait for this blizzard to die down, and you have a feeling that it won’t if you don’t go now.

But you stop in your tracks, returning to the room, almost forgetting something. You look through the drawers to grab something small before putting it in your pocket before dashing back out.

———

The blizzard is more intense than ever before, even to the point to where you can barely see anything. Even opening your eyes wider already feels like they’ll freeze. You trek onward to the cave, praying that he’s still there. You’re fully aware at how ridiculous and idiotic this is, like you could’ve waited until it calmed down. But deep down, you know it won’t die down until you find him.

Thankfully, you made it to the cave without any problems. You pick up the pace as you enter the cave, shivering almost to death. Even with multiple layers of clothes, you’re freezing to the point where you can’t feel your feet. In front of you is the black hole that belongs to the cave. The cries of the childrens that Taehyung has taken lurks on the other side. You gulp, clenching your fists to stop them from trembling. You look over your shoulder at the blizzard. You can’t turn back now, so you have to push forward.

You turn on the flashlight on your phone and continue walking. The deeper you went, the louder the cries became. The walls start closing in, and on there are also the same animal drawings from the newspapers. The sound of water droplets complements the hollow cries. It’s getting so loud that it’s beginning to unnerve you. You want to cover your ears, but even if you do, the dreadful cries won’t leave.

But you know that the kids are trying to warn you to leave. They don’t want you to make the same mistakes they made. They’re children—pure souls who lost their young lives. They don't have any intentions to play tricks on you, so that’s why you have to keep pushing through because you have unfinished business.

“(Y/N)...” A young girl’s voice calls out from behind.

Even though you haven’t heard that voice in years, you know exactly who it is. Turning your head around, an apparition of Annie forms. There she is—in her blue-and-white striped dress and pink jacket with the brown boots. She hasn’t aged a bit, but she’s crying.

“Don’t go. Go back home where you have a warm house and people who care about you.” Annie whimpers.

Hearing her speak weighs heavily on your chest. You can’t hold back the tears, so you let it out.

She extends her hand out. “If you don’t hurry, then you’ll freeze to death here.”

Your knees almost gave in, nearly making you fall. Even though you know full well that she can’t be alive, a part of you feels relieved to see her again. It may not even be her, just a recreation that Taehyung made. She has to be his recreation because a two-year-old wouldn’t know to say this.

You approach her spirit, crouching down to her level. You wipe your eyes, exhaling while you smile. “Hi Annie, thanks for warning me. You’re just trying to look out for your older sister, aren’t you?”

She continues to cry, nodding her head.

“It’s okay, you can trust me now. Your big sister is now a grown up. I’m just going to talk to our friend.”

“But! That’s not a friend! He’s a monster who’s done bad things. It’s his fault that I died and that Mom and Dad hates you. He’s made you miserable. He’s the problem!” She cries even louder.

You tilt your head, your grin not once leaving. “I know, but sometimes people do things because they’ve been wronged, too. They won’t know that they’re doing something bad until they learn the good in the world. Our friend was just lonely because he left his homeland, then his parents left him, and no one wanted to be his friend.”

Annie finally stops crying.

“So when he finally made a friend, he wanted it to last forever. That’s why he took their souls. It didn’t help when he had more bad luck and became immortal and has supernatural powers. I just know that deep down, he’s a good person who’s been on the wrong path for a very long time. Right...Taehyung?”

You stand up, turning around after the spirit of your sister disappears. The cries from the children dissipate, and the only one left crying is Taehyung. You approach him slowly, and as you get closer, you can hear him repeatedly mumbling, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ under his breath.

“Am I right, Taehyung? It just got out of hand, and your fear took over you.”

“...I hate opening my eyes to this empty cave. Because I know that whenever I went to town, everyone else would have friends or families to return to when I had nobody. And I never asked to be cursed to live forever either! Why couldn’t I have died a long time ago?!”

He continues to wallow in his own misery.

“And it’s worse when I’m only awake during winter. I don’t even remember what spring, summer, or fall looks like...”

A bear who doesn’t sleep during winter isn’t strong, but a lonely animal because he’ll be the only one awake. Taehyung may be able to live for a long time, but in exchange, he has to hibernate for nine months because the curse is too strong to hold.

“I don’t want to be attached to you. I’m afraid that I’ll try to take you away, but I’m also scared that I’ll never see you again. (Y/N), you’re the only person who’s ever showed me kindness after a hundred years...and I’m afraid that I’ll never experience that again. So please...leave me when you still have the chance. You have a life out there.”

“You don’t have to stay here! You can live with me and—”

“You think I haven’t tried leaving? I’ve tried leaving so many times, but each time I try, I feel like I’m on a leash. The further I go, the more suffocating it gets. An invisible rope is around my neck, but I don’t die. You don’t understand...I’m stuck here forever.”

You don’t want to think about the many attempts he’s tried to end his life. You can’t imagine how you’ll turn out if you were stuck in his position. You’ll probably become insane like him, too. Waking up to the same snowy setting with no one to be there for you. After all, the color white can make people go insane if you see it too much.

You tighten your fists. “Then...then I’ll stay.”

“What?!”

“Let the children’s spirits free and I can stay with you.”

But he shakes his head. “No...don’t give me hope. Just go! Don’t waste yourself with me.”

“No, you listen to me. I’m willing to do it.”

“But...why?! I’ve made your life horrible, and I selfishly took your sister away. I’m the cause of all your problems! I don’t deserve anything from you.”

The pressure of the lives he’s taken away is beginning to weigh down on him, and it’s so much that he can’t handle it. It’s a complicated conflict where he took away so many loved ones from their family, including Annie, but the world was so unfair to him before he fell under this cave’s curse. He didn’t kill because he enjoyed it, but because he didn’t know how to handle his emotions and ended up releasing it in a way he never consciously meant to happen. No matter how hard you try to forget what he’s done, it’ll never leave. It’s engraved into your memory regardless of how much you’ve tried to repress it. You can’t forget but…

You scour through your pocket, showing him the watermelon-flavored candy. He’s confused, but in exchange, you beam. “This is my favorite flavor, and it’s yours too, isn’t it?”

You unwrap it, giving the candy to him. When he doesn’t accept it, you nudge it to him, then he hesitantly takes it.

“Eat it and let the bitterness go away.”

He stares at it, unsure of what your intentions are.

“Almost every kid loves candy, and it’s because of how sweet it is. It’s so sugary that it distracts them from their sorrow. But...it’s also special because of how short-lived the candy is. At some point, it’ll melt in your mouth, and then you’ll want another one, and you can’t keep eating it, otherwise your teeth will rot.”

He clenches it in his fist. “...Why are you going so far for me?”

“Because I like you.”

His eyes widen, almost as if he’s never heard of from somebody else. He thought he heard you wrong. Taehyung is so starstruck.

“I know I can never forget what you’ve done to Annie and what happened after...and honestly...I’m still conflicted. But after getting to know you, I realized that you’re a victim like anybody else. You can’t bring back the kids, but what you can do is learn from your mistakes. So...let the kids go and promise to never take another person’s life.”

You kiss him on the forehead for good luck. After pulling yourself back, but while you were caught off-guard, he leans over to give you a peck on the lips. He feels your chapped lips, which you find embarrassing, but doesn’t matter to him—only that his feelings have also been conveyed to you too.

He pulls back, too timid to look at you in the eyes. “I don’t want to disappoint you, so I vow to never take another person’s life, not even yours.”

“What…? T-Tae…”

“Like what you said, I can’t always be looking for ways to be in an infinite paradise. It’ll just leave me miserable, and I don’t want that to happen to you. What we had was special, and I’ll never forget it. So...it’s okay, you can go.”

From behind, you can hear children laughing. Small hands reach over, grabbing you by your jacket and dragging you away from him.

“Wa-wait, Taehyung! What are you doing?!”

He watches as you try to fight the children’s grasp, knowing full well that if they weren’t there to help him, then you wouldn’t leave. You have a feeling that this will be the last time you’ll see him, so you become choked up in your tears.

“No, don’t do this!”

But he doesn’t respond, afraid that if he says something, he’ll break down.

“Taehyung, I promise I’ll be back! I won’t leave you again! When you open your eyes for winter to come again, then I’ll be there to wake you up. And...even if I’m long gone, then I’ll make sure that you’ll never, ever, have to be alone,” You reach your hand out, extending your pinkie. “I promise.”

With one last look in your eyes, he saw hope. Over a hundred years later, he saw light at the end of the cave, that maybe one day, the curse that had been laid upon him will become a blessing. Maybe this time, he can see someone precious again without taking their life. Even if you don’t fulfill your side to the promise, just the facade of hope is enough to make him look forward to next winter.

Within a blink of an eye, he reaches over and wraps his pinky around yours. He’s so thankful that he’s crying uncontrollably.

“Thank you, (Y/N).”

And with one swift move, the children’s spirits pull you out of the cave, separating you from him. Before you close your eyes, you could’ve sworn that you saw Taehyung in his child form, eating the candy that you gave him.

———

You regain consciousness after feeling someone shaking your shoulders. The first person you see is Suniya, bawling like a baby. When you opened your eyes, she froze, not sure about what to do next.

“Sun...Suniya?”

“Oh, thank god!” She hugs you tightly. “I was so scared that we lost you.”

You’re still in the woods. Though, the snow is beginning to melt and the sun is blaring down on your face. You look around to find all the townspeople surrounding you, including Kim.

“Jesus Christ, you gave all of us a fright, girl.” Margaret wipes her tears with her sleeve. “Goin’ out during the middle of a brutal blizzard. Are you insane?”

You look down at your hands, and they’re not trembling anymore. “I guess I am.”

It felt like a dream. In fact, every second you spent with Taehyung felt like a dream because of how fast time flew by. What you experienced in the cave, you don’t know if it actually happened.

You turn around, seeing that the cave is hollow. It’s a lot smaller than what you last remembered. The entrance is like a black hole, but it isn’t empty. But what’s better is that you don’t hear children crying anymore. You look back at the crowd, glancing at Kim who’s crossing her arms. One look and she knew that you overcame your trauma.

Suniya helps you up, putting your arm around her neck. Though your body is fine, your muscles feel weak.

“Come on, let’s go back and get you warmed up.”

“What the hell were you doin’ here, by the way?” Margaret asks.

“There’s just something that I needed to do...and I’m not done with it yet.”

[The End]

———

EPILOGUE

“Alright, next, I’m going to teach you how to make a campfire.”

You are standing in a circle around a bunch of kids. They’re wearing thick jackets with badges on them and have dark green hats with the symbol of a brown bear over a snowflake over them. They’re hugging their arms, shivering to the old.

“Do we have to make one now?”

“It’s too cold to do anything, Miss.”

“Can’t we just learn it back at the cabin?”

You shake your head. “The whole reason to make a campfire is to build it outside. Not only is the fire meant to keep you warm, but it also helps cook food and used as a light source.”

You grab some branches from the ground, wiping the snow off of it.

“You see how wet it is? It won’t make a good fire. It’s going to be difficult, but you need to find dry wood like this.”

You compare and contrast between the two, kicking snow off of the ground until you see dirt. You place the wood, taking out two rocks and creating friction to spark them. And just like that, you’re able to create fire. The kids stand around your campfire, awing at it as the flames rise.

However...the flames go out within seconds. “Oh…”

The children laugh. “What was that?”

“That was terrible!”

“Hold on, just give me one second…” You grab the wood to make a second attempt. “I swear it worked the first time.”

“Miss (Y/N), why are we camping during winter? Doesn’t girl scout camps happen during summer?”

“Yea! All my friends go during summer. My parents kept saying that this camp saves more money...but it’s unfair.”

“Well...let me tell you something. They can teach you all the methods of surviving during the summer, but almost every tip is thrown out the window when it’s snowing. I have a friend who used to be your age and didn’t know how to survive on his own in the winter. His mother abandoned him a long time ago and no one wanted to take care of him. So he was on his own.”

This gathers the attention of all the girls, so they surround you as you continue the story.

“He was starving and cold because he didn’t know the basics of survival, like making a campfire. He didn’t know how to fish nor did he know how to build a tent.”

“I hope she went to jail for abandoning her own child.”

“Why would his mother leave him?? That’s so messed up.”

“Sometimes, it’s not because they want to, but because they can’t. We’ll never fully know why she left him, but I think she did love him.”

“What? I think she hated him.”

“Because before she left him, she told him that he’s a strong boy. Maybe she left him because she knew that he'd survive. Of course, this is by no means a good method of parenting, but she had faith in her own son that he’ll make it through the winter.”

“I don’t think she cared about him,” one of the girl scouts crosses her arms. “Couldn’t he go to the police for help? They’re always there to help him find his home!”

“Yea, but it wasn’t that simple. You see, he was considered as...different, I guess you could say. People many years ago thought completely opposite from us, so no one wanted to help him.”

“Is he still alive?”

You fall silent, and this builds anticipation for your response. They draw closer to you, unable to handle the suspense.

“He’s still alive.”

They sigh in relief.

“Do you girls want to meet him?”

“Wait, can we??”

You nod. “He’s a little shy at first, but he’s super friendly.”

“How does he look like??”

“Hmm...he’s super tall,” you raise your arms up in the air. “And he has broad shoulders. His hair is so curly that it almost looks like cotton candy. He also has a mole under his nose and the most charming smile anybody has ever seen.”

You stare at the sky with dreamy eyes, and that’s when the girls understood the subtle hints. They elbow each other, giggling and covering their mouths.

But you’re clueless. “What’s so funny?”

“Do you have a crush on him, Miss (Y/N)?”

Your cheeks turn red, and they squeal with excitement. You press your knuckles on your lips as you become more flustered.

“Keep it a secret, but he’s my boyfriend.”

They scream, stunned that their leader has someone in her heart. You shush them, worried that their voices would disrupt the town’s peace.

“Di-did you guys do things...like kissing??” One girl whispers.

You nod, and they hide their screams behind their covered mouths. Then, you rub your stomach, feeling a lump. “Pretty soon, we’re gonna be a family.”

The girls have no idea what you meant, but they’re not at the age to learn about that yet.

“He’s the most important person in the entire world to me. He sleeps a lot, so I don’t get to see him that often, so every second I have with him matters until I get too old. Because of that, he’s afraid that one day when he opens his eyes, I won’t be there anymore. So, even if I’m gone, he’ll have enough friends that he won’t ever have to feel alone anymore.”

From behind a dead tree, you can see Taehyung hiding behind it. You snicker, certainly knowing that he heard the entire conversation. He’s probably trying to fight back his tears. Every time you visit him during winter, he would sob and express about how much he doesn’t deserve you. But since he went through decades of suffering, this is the least you can do to ease it.

You raise your head, pointing your direction to him. “Taehyung, would you like to sit with us?”

He peers his head over the tree, holding the bark gently while staring at the ground. He raises his eyes, trying his hardest to hide his smile.

“...Thank you.”

[End]

A/N: Thank you for everyone who read this, especially considering how long it is lol. I wanted to get this out during winter, but it took longer than expected ha ha. I hope you guys are all safe and healthy!! Don’t be afraid to leave any comments :) Have a beautiful day. ^^

Masterlist

[reclaimingmyself-finally]

I’m going to hide out here awhile and think about fitness plans and details.  The rest of life is just too heavy right now.

I have a few more days of P90x3 and then will be sharing overall progress photos.  Because I don’t want to create a massive post, however, I thought maybe I’d talk a little bit about food today?  Specifically. I will say that I had my lowest weight in yet this morning at 146.8.  Down from almost 180 in early May.

I think all of us on a fitness journey has heard the rough statistic that weight loss starts in the kitchen / or your food is 70% of the journey.  It’s true for me.  I’m just sharing what has worked for me; there are many beautiful people on here who have done Keto, Paleo, Whole 30, Intermittent Fasting, etc.  I so respect all of our journeys.   I personally followed the Beachbody Nutrition Guide (available online if you google), which is timed macronutrients.  Breakfast, snack, Lunch, snack, dinner / combining specific servings of proteins, carbs (they clump together veggie and fruit carbs with other carbs), and healthy fats.  Portion control counts.  This works for me because I LOVE the idea of fueling my body with the nutrition it needs to work hard and grow more MUSCLES.

But then I also started running, right?  And then I needed more food.  So I took the guide, and when I felt hungry, I increased the portions.  More proteins and more veggie carbs, namely.  (Intuitive eating, ftw.)

A typical day looks like this:

Am:  Wake up at 5, preworkout drink (supplement, guys, not wine - I’ll get to supplements below.)

Breakfast:  Egg white omelet with feta, turkey bacon, spinach (I don’t stray from this because I’m boring and it works and it’s fast)

Snack:  Banana and almonds (substitute fruit / healthy fat)

Lunch:  Huge salad with 2oz of deli turkey (or leftovers, since dinners have been on point, too)

Snack:  Carrots or Grapes and hard boiled egg or reduced fat cheese stick (substitute veggie or fruit and protein)

Dinner:  Chicken or steak or pork tenderloin, lots of veggies, usually some cheese for healthy fat.

If I’m still hungry at bedtime, I’ll eat half an english muffin with peanut butter.  If I wake up hungry at night, I’ll eat a Kind bar or Luna bar.  That would definitely not be in the Beachbody guide, but at that point, if my body is so hungry it’s waking up?  Just give it food!  Also it’s 2:00am and I don’t want to make it complicated.

When you do a program with a nutrition guide, their advice is always going to be “don’t stray, don’t cheat.”  And I get it.  If you were only going to do the program and the nutrition for the 90 days, or whatever, you probably would need to stick to it to see results.  But if you’re in it for the long game?  Well.  That means if you want a bite of a brownie, you eat the bite of the brownie.  Or if you want the piece of pizza you eat the piece of pizza.  There have been lots of times since May that I ate Rice Krispy Treats, ice cream, pizza, chinese food .... and I still lost almost 30 pounds, and my muscles are saying HELLO!  Portion control and balance.    Because I’m also obviously into the psychology of everything, I also took, as posted about previously, good long hard looks at my “whys” and when I had cravings or was emotionally eating, practiced a lot of mindfulness.

And I still had quarter pan Rice Krispy Treat incidents.  Well, one.  (Also grace here, because parenting during a pandemic, no childcare, wildfire smoke on top of that, somebody please get us out of 2020.)

Considerations:  I have a family that doesn’t quite eat like I do.  Preschooler is fully 3.5 and we just take it day by day with her.  Husband will eat the protein, but I usually end up throwing together some white rice for him.  If he wants something else for a side dish, that’s on him.  We talked about this and it’s what works for us.  Because I don’t mind eating Zoodles instead of pasta, I will bake some of those up for myself really quickly while their pasta is cooking.   And on shit show nights where we have work days from hell and preschooler is really feeling her 3?  Takeout night.  And I just try to be as mindful as possible:  burgers without buns, sub salad for fries (but also eat a couple fries because yum.)

We do the best we can, and as long as we keep at it, play food does not tank you.  I’m looking at the numbers and I can tell you it doesn’t tank you.  (That’s how we talk about it in our house.)  Play food has a place and it’s yummy and we love it.

I’m open to questions people have about food, or sharing my favorite recipes or cookbooks.  Just let me know.  We’re all in it together, because we can all support each other.

<3

[tinytourist]

Two More Skip One

On the morning of the 3rd, we awoke to grey skies and the threat of rain. We were meant to go to Mt. Aspiring National Park, stay in the hut, then head to the West Coast, but there was a severe weather advisory for the rest of the week. Evan’s friend got trapped in Franz Josef for 2 weeks last year around the same time and had to get helicoptered out. We weren’t so keen on that so we decided to call an audible and go towards the nicer weather in Mount Cook.

Before leaving Queenstown, we had to make one last stop at Ferg. Greg had just bought new climbing shoes and was itching to try them out, so we went to the QTN location of Basecamp and did a mix of bouldering and top roping. Afterwards, we grabbed an early dinner and a few beers at Altitude Brewing Co before hitting the road again.

We got to our campsite on Lake Poaka late at night. It was right past Twizel and had minimal light pollution, so we were able to see the Milky Way. We played a few rounds of Spicy before bed.

The next morning, we got up and drove straight to the base of Mount Cook where we found a cute cafe with the most incredible view of the mountain. We sipped our coffees as we took in the sights. Then, we took off on the Hooker Valley Track which follows the Hooker River, crosses over 3 suspension bridges, and ends at a glacial lake. It was a crowded trek, but understandably so. The effort to reward ratio was off the charts.

We pulled off the main track and sat by a secluded alpine tarn to eat our smooshed PB&J’s. Greg spent a while getting the perfect pictures & time-lapses. I’d say he succeeded.

When we finished, we set up camp at the White Horse Hill Campsite at the bottom of the mountain where we had a quick snack and then tried to find a crag nearby to climb. This was an unsuccessful journey consisting of a sketchy bush hike lined with spear grass. We ended up turning around and heading back to camp before reaching the crag.

We threw together a random dinner with whatever leftovers we had in the van. It turned into a pretty solid rice noodle stir-fry which we took turns eating out of a big metal bowl. The irony of doing this in a pandemic world is not lost on me. We had yet another night of playing cards in the van before we went to bed.

The next morning we drove to the carpark for the Blue Lakes and Tasman Glacier Walks. Al showed me how to make pour over coffee while the guys slung the frisbee in the parking lot. Once we were caffeinated, we went to the not-so-blue lakes walk. The lakes are no longer blue because instead of being fed by glacial melt like they were when they were named, they are now fed by rainwater which hosts green algae. It was a bit sad to observe such a distinct consequence of climate change.

We did another short walk to the Tasman Lake which actually had the crisp blue glacial water we were hoping to see. Unfortunately, this glacier is shrinking by about 480 to 820 m a year. I felt lucky to see it at this point but disappointed that it wouldn’t be the same for future generations to observe.

Next, we got in the cars and drove to Lake Tekapo. Along the way, we stopped at the alpine salmon shop to pick up some sashimi and smoked salmon. When we got to the lake, we walked around and looked at the sheepdog statue and the Church of the Good Shepherd. I got carried away building my first rock cairn on the beach.

Eventually, we made it to Christchurch and got to take showers! For dinner and drinks, we went to Cassels & Sons Brewing where they had a 2-for-1 pizza deal. The pizza was quality and the vibes were hip.

The next morning we had brunch at another super hip spot called Addington Coffee Co-op which had a quaint shop attached to it. Once we were well-fed, we headed to the Cattlestop Crag for outdoor climbing with Evan and Al’s friends, Ryan and Kath. I struggled on some overhanging walls with tough starts but eventually completed a few (if you don’t count stepping on Ryan’s knee as cheating...).

Everyone was keen on getting Greg and I to try lead climbing. We were both terrified, but intrigued. It felt like we couldn’t say no so we went for it and it was a success! I’m so glad I tried it. It felt like such an authentic way of climbing. After leading the 10, Greg went and lead climbed a 13! So much progress in one 4-hour session.

For dinner, we all went to Ryan and Kath’s beautiful house for a BBQ. The night consisted of frisbee slinging, kitty petting, gear discussions, and chess playing. Shoutout to the Queen’s Gambit for being an inspiration.

The next day we had some smoked salmon on fresh Alourdough before hitting up a frolf course. Later, we went to Hagley Park and explored the botanical gardens. For dinner, we went to Eruption Brewing in Lyttelton and shared laughter and and good burgers. We popped into Wunderbar afterwards and what do you know, they had chess boards! We played a few rounds before going back to the house for our “two more skip one” night of spicy uno.

For our last meal of the trip, Evan and Al took us to the Mediterranean Food Co., which is a store and Italian restaurant. This was heaven to Greg. If only we brought bigger suitcases! We enjoyed some high quality pizza, pasta, and gelato before we said our goodbyes and made the trip back to Auckland.

[lindoig8]

And so, the journey begins.....

Welcome back!  We are now in Alice Springs but as I always say ‘the journey is better than the destination’ so I will relay our trip day by day.  (But having said that, there is nothing wrong with the Alice as a destination – we both really like it.)

Tuesday 13 April

We left home on 13 April and it was quite a day.   Heather had to attend the surgeon who did her facial surgery a week earlier and had most of the stitches removed – and got the required medical clearance for us to head off into the wide blue yonder.

We returned home so she could take a long-overdue shower while I put the last few things in the car and we were off to collect the caravan in Burwood a little after noon.  We had to put the roof-rack on the car and loaded that up with our ladder, bog-mats, shovel and related tools – as well as several big bags of firewood.  (There are so many places where you are not allowed to collect wood so we took a good supply with us – but we are yet to use any of it.  Hopefully in Gemtree, in about 3 weeks’ time.)

We finally got away at 3.20pm after only about 90 minutes getting ready in Burwood and it was off to Numurkah where we shared pizza with Karen and Dave.  It was great to see them again but Dave had an early start next day and we were pretty exhausted too so it was not a late night – but at least we were finally ‘on the road’ and very happy about it.

Wednesday 14 April

We started the day with cold leftover pizza for brekky – with more for lunch and Happy Hour.  We had intended to visit Kate and the boys in Shepparton, but she had a doctor’s appointment with son Theo so we missed her.  We did catch up with Tom and Laura and Tracey at Picola but I was keen to get a few more kilometres behind us in the relatively well-known areas in case we wanted to use some extra time later in the trip.  We actually surprised ourselves by doing 400 kilometres to Robinvale, carefully staying on the Victorian side of the border in case a Covid outbreak in New South Wales caused us angst at the South Australian border. We stopped in Gunbower to eat our sangers beside the lake as well as couple more stops during the afternoon.  We were trying to take a break at least every 2 hours even if only a short one.

I photographed a few moths (including the giant Bardy-moth, aka the Rain Moth) and posted them on iNaturalist – my first ever posts there.  I didn’t know what the species were, but other experts subsequently identified them for me and they are now up there as Research Grade pics – at least 3 people have to confirm the identification before they are classified a Research Grade.

We finished a seemingly interminable audiobook during the day and started another.  (We are now almost finished our fourth for this trip.)

We sat outside the van with our drinks and watched the sun set in Robinvale, feeling that we had ticked off around 650 kilometres in 2 days and could take it a little slower for the rest of the trip to Alice Springs.

[searching4shadows]

A FEEDEE’S JOURNEY #2

My Second Stuffing - Things I want to remember and take with me.

1. Pizza, no matter where it’s from, is definitely easier to stuff then sweet and sour pork. AND it is with great pride that I can say that I CAN finish an entire large pizza in one sitting (Aus size large ;)

2. Snack sized or mini chocolates are fantastic! Their size is the perfect way to trick your brain into continuing to eat after a stuffing, as they are easy to chew and swallow. And they’re even better when hand fed by your feeder.

3. Bloating CAN be achieved by Diet Coke alone...at least for me it was. Just expect to be sitting for a good twenty minutes after you’ve completed it. And even though it may be a little uncomfortable, the roundness that occurs is so worth the discomfort.

4. Outside circumstances that interrupt the flow of your planned evening can see you dropping from your feedee high pretty quickly. Take a deep breath. If you can, get some reassurance from your amazing feeder, and remember that everything will always work out. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time, it really will work out. And a bag of leftover snacks to take home is not a bad substitution. (Just for me - also, remember that your feeder is one hellova stand-up guy and you are very lucky to have such a great time with him)

A letter to me, from me ;p

-S4s

[despair-tummy]

some chub Mika.n and Gund.am for a trade

[[MORE]]

Mikan was more than relieved when her shift at the hospital ended, she was terrified of running into someone she knew back from Hope’s Peak whenever she worked. It especially didn’t help that she tended to work when the hospital was at its busiest. It was her worst nightmare she would stumble into Hiyoko again after all these years, the dancer would surely subject her to an all too familiar round of bullying.

It wasn’t like Mikan intended for it to happen! She blamed all the budget cuts towards the hospital, which meant fewer staff, leading to herself and the others have to take on extra duties. Mikan originally wouldn’t have minded, she loved her job! She liked taking blood samples, x-rays, doing ultrasounds, CTs, and many other duties that came along with her job. Seeing as she was an ultimate she was a bit of a jack of all trades in her medical field, so it only seemed right she takes on the bulk of the duties (that and she was a pushover) to help through these hard times.

However, spending so much time on her feet and working long hours left little time for meal prep. She was simply too sore and tired to cook, so she often ate out or relied on frozen dinners... not to mention Mikan developed a habit of snacking on candy while at home. It was just easier to than preparing an actual meal! Not to mention the her coworkers and grateful patients would often bring in pizza and baked goods for the hospital staff. And with not knowing if you have enough time to microwave some leftovers because you could have to treat the victims of a car accident, you learned to eat when you can and fast.

But of course, the long term effects of a poor diet eventually started to show. Mikan had no idea how the other hospital staff managed to stay so skinny! Meanwhile, she had ballooned out like crazy. Oh, the world must hate her so for giving her such an awful metabolism! She was on her feet all day constantly running samples to the lab, shouldn’t that had burned off all the cupcakes and pizza she had at work?

Judging by her plump figure with a pair of thunder thighs that rubbed together uncontrollably with each step she took (hence why she started wearing leggings to avoid the infamous chub rub), a taut little tummy that especially liked to make its presence known after a big meal or junk food binge in the break room, and had resulted in a few ‘when are you due?’ from her coworkers and patients. The sleeves of her uniform felt so tight from how chunky her arms were, Mikan absolutely hated the idea of having to get a bigger uniform but they felt so uncomfortable. Then there was her face, that second chin was developing steadily and her cheeks had rounded out, making her resemble a hamster with cheeks stuffed to the brim with sunflower seeds.

“Oh, come on.” Mikan groaned, attempting and failing miserably at hailing down a taxi to return home. Of all the days she had to forget her bus pass it was when the weather forecast called for rain! “O-oh, excuse me! Over-“ she was cut off when the taxi she was trying to get zoomed passed her and straight through a puddle, drenching her in dirty rainwater. “here...” she finished all too late.

Her heart raced anxiously as she shivered, how was she going to get home? It was her day off tomorrow and she originally wanted to curl up in bed and take it easy. Mikan sniffled, blinking back tears. What she wouldn’t give for a hot bath right now, or better yet, be magically transported to a warmer place with a comfortable bed with plenty of fluffy blankets. But unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen, she was stuck in the cold rain trying to desperately get a taxi to notice her.

“Ah, wait!” Mikan cried out, deciding to run towards the car despite seeing one of the passenger doors shut, signalling it was occupied. “C-could we please share? I’m sorry I smell like a wet dog, bu-but I just want to go home! I-I’ll pay for both our fares and-“ She stopped, eyes wide as the passenger window rolled down. Oh no...

It wasn’t the infamous Hiyoko like Mikan feared she would run into one day, but that was only a step below the worst-case scenario, the passenger was still someone she went to school with. She could recognize that scarf and scar tattoo anywhere, it was the ultimate breeder, Gundam Tanaka.

“My, my, Mikan Tsumiki... the ultimate cleric of healing,” he spoke, his gaze locked onto her. “You wish to partake in a journey with me through these unforgiving realms?”

“I-if it’s not too much trouble.” Mikan twirled a choppy lock of hair around her finger anxiously. Sure Mikan always feared running into someone she knew since her weight gain, but staying out in the rain wasn’t an ideal either. And Gundam was never one of her bullies, so surely he wouldn’t point out what a blob she had become.

“Heh, but of course not! It is always an honour to travel with someone of your capabilities.” he grinned. “Now, enter this gateway through this cursed realm!”

Mikan nodded and immediately yanked the taxi door open so hard she nearly fell backwards. She wasted not a single second getting into the cab and out of the cold rain. It wasn’t until she shut the car door and buckled up did she finally get a good look at Gundam after all these years.

At first, his scarf concealed it, but the breeder was sporting a full-on double chin. But that wasn’t all, he took up a big chunk of the cab, leaving barely enough room for the portly nurse. Mikan was practically a twig compared to him. The cab driver up front had his seat as close to the wheel as possible to make room for just how large Gundam was. His gut sat comfortably on top of his pillar-like thighs, nearly obscuring them completely from her view. He was as wide as he was tall, wider even! An absolute blob of a man! Could he even walk?

“It’s been quite a few years, oh great healer,” Gundam said.

“Y-yeah, indeed it has.” Mikan tried not to stare.

“What quests have you been undertaking since our departure from the realm of knowledge?”

“I...been working at the hospital.”

“Working at such an advance castle! You must be quite proud of the healing abilities you possess, I must admit I am rather envious.”

A smile touched her face, even after all these years, she could still understand Gundam and his eccentric manner of speech enough to know he was praising her! Her insides became all warm and fuzzy at his words, it’s been so long since someone actually complimented her abilities as a nurse! Being in the medical field she felt often overworked and under-appreciated.

“Thank- ACHOO!” Mikan sneezed directly into her elbow.

“Hmph, it would appear the storm gods decided to curse you.” Gundam’s thin lips straighten as he unravelled his scarf and offered it to Mikan.

“I couldn’t possibly-“

“There is no need to fear, this garment will not hurt powerful beings such as you and I.” he reassured.

Mikan hesitated for a moment but in the end, accepted the scarf and wrapped it around her. Wow! She didn’t expect it to be so warm and soft!

“We must remove this curse immediately,” Gundam spoke, crossing his fat arms. “Gatekeeper of the realms, take us to the sanctuary immediately!” he ordered at the taxi driver, who remained completely unfazed by his orders. Mikan guessed Gundam took taxis a lot so he must be a known regular.

The drive wasn’t a long one, she guessed ten minutes at the most. The taxi parked in front of what looked like a restaurant establishment.

“Oh... I don’t have enough money on me to eat out and pay for a ride,” she confessed, originally she intended to do up some instant ramen when she got home. “ I’m so SO sorry!”

“I assure you, I have more than enough wealth,” he said, opening the door.

They both unbuckled and exited the car... well one of them did.

“Gundam, are you...” she trailed off, averting her eyes awkwardly.

“This but a mere part of my journey, nothing to dwell over.”

Mikan would beg to differ, but she kept her mouth shut as she tried not to watch Gundam struggle to get out of the taxi, his blubbery body kept him stuck tightly within the car door frame.

“Do...do you need any help?” she asked, feeling her cheeks turn red at the sight.

“Your concern is thoughtful but unneeded, I have faced this trial many times!” Gundam reassured with such confidence for someone who was trying to squirm their way out of a car.

Mikan just stood there and twiddled her thumbs awkwardly as Gundam struggled, she tried not to stare but she always found her eyes would end up lingering on him with every jiggle and bounce of his fatty frame. It was almost comical when he managed to finally get out, Mikan could have sworn she heard an almost cartoony pop, but she didn’t know if that was in real life or in her mind.

“Now, onward!” Gundam commanded and waddled on ahead with Mikan following from behind, trying her hardest not to stare at his massive rump that sagged behind him.

The inside of the building revealed it was an all-day breakfast buffet. Mikan’s mouth watered instantly at the sight of waffles, bacon, sausages, breakfast pastries, eggs and countless fruit varieties.

“Well, I accept all forms of power sources, this one I find I tend to desire the most,” Gundam said as they got a table to set their stuff down. “And it burns deeply with enough dragon fire to help you fully recover from your curse.”

“It is rather to-toasty in here.” Mikan took off Gundam’s scarf, carefully folding it and set it aside.

“Now, let us engage in supply our forms with the healing prophecies from this sanctuary of recovery!” Gundam announced, squeezing himself out of the booth and shuffling to the array of food.

The combination of sweet and savoury smells was hypnotic to Mikan, she lost interest in watching Gundam and wasted no time grabbing a plate and getting her food. Two fluffy blueberry pancakes, six rashers of crispy bacon, four juicy pork sausages and a bowl of fruit.

The irony was not lost on her, Mikan was a nurse. And when most people thought of doctors and nurses they were normally under the impression that they ate extremely healthy. But that was the furthermost from the truth, incredibly their diet consisted of takeout and instant meals. But Mikan supposed the only difference between her and them was an awful metabolism.

After getting a tall glass of orange juice, she returned to the booth. Hopefully, Gundam wouldn’t think she was gross for eating so much, but she had such a long day and-

Her eyes went wide as Gundam set not one, not two, but three plates on the table. One piled high with fried ham, sausages and bacon, another with a stack of buttermilk pancakes that towered high, and the last one dangerously close to overflowing with fried eggs. He drenched everything in a thick layer of butter and drowned it all in enough maple syrup to fill the ocean.

“Now,” he began as he unfolded the napkin to tie around his thick neck. “let the healing ritual begin!”

They both tucked into their meals, the food tasted just as good as it smelled, better even! It immediately warmed Mikan up both inside and out and have it not been for the sound of the downpour outside, she would have completely forgotten about the rain.

“So, um... what have you been up too after graduating?” Mikan asked as she chewed on a chunk of juicy honeydew. Figuring she should try and start a conversation with him.

“I have been expanding my empire of course!” he answered, licking the runny yolk off his lips. “With so many wild and dangerous beasts in the world, my job is far from over and will probably be eternal for as long as I am in this vessel.”

“Ah, glad to know you’re still t-taking good care of animals.” Mikan smiled. “I’ve known how much you care for them.” she nibbled on a piece of bacon. “M-maybe I should get a pet... it gets kinda lonely in my apartment.”

“Be warned, beast ownership is no small task!” he warned sternly.

“O-of course!” she stuttered. “I know it’s not a decision to take lightly! I uh, promise to really think about it and-“

“Please, crease your worrying.” Gundam interrupted. “I must apologize, tis a bit of a curse I have yet to control. I have seen many attempts the quest of taming these creatures but failed and I had to carry on their failed attempt. It is no easy task and required so much of my time and energy. I need to remember you are no mere mortal considering your ability.”

“A...apology accepted.” she gave a small smile.

“Speaking of your abilities, how is your life in this realm?” he asked through a mouthful of sticky syrup covered pancakes.

“I work at the hospital not too far from here,” she said. “we’re rather understaffed at the moment, so I’ve been busy. I don’t mind... kinda.” Mikan sipped her drink. “Umm... it’s just it doesn’t leave much time for anything else if I’m completely honest. I just go straight home after a shift.”

“Ha, I too understand your endless suffering,” he spoke. “We’re in Nemean lion season, I have been summoned to offer my power and influence to try and get through this challenge.”

Nemean lion? Weren’t those some kind of mythical creature? It took a moment to figure out what he was going on about, then it clicked. Gundam was taking about kitten season. The time when most kittens were born to unsprayed cats whether they were outdoor cats (which was a big no according to Gundam) or feral cats. Naturally, this meant a lot more resources being needed from shelters and whatnot.

“You must be busy too, I haven’t been able to cook in awhile unless it’s instant,” she spoke, idly dragging the chunk of blueberry pancakes she speared with her fork through a puddle of syrup. “Probably why I’ve gained weight.”

She said it without even thinking, at first she felt guilty. Gundam has gained so much more than her, would it make him self conscious? But when he chuckled she internally let out a sigh of relief.

“I too understand the circumstances your form is going through,” Gundam said. “I have found myself in a similar position as you.”

“Oh... I hardly notice.” Mikan lied.

“Mikan, you are many things,” he began. “a skilled healer, a dear companion who I regretfully lost contact with, but you were never a good liar.”

“Sorry!” she instinctively blurted out.

“Do not dwell on it, there is nothing worthy of begging for my forgiveness currently,” Gundam reassured. “I am content with my current form, you don’t need to fret so much.”

“Ah... thank you!” Mikan spoke. “Umm, if it means anything. I think you carry it well.”

Eep! Was it weird to say that?! Did it sound too forced? It was true though! Gundam just reminded her of one of those giant stuffed teddy bears at toy stores. He looked so soft just like one, and not to mention he probably felt like one too.

“You as well,” Gundam replied.

Her cheeks flushed a soft pink as she immediately shifted her gaze from Gundam to her plate. Did Gundam see her as one of those giant teddy bears too? She only hoped her blush would eventually fade. All these years and she still wasn’t used to compliments.

As soon as they are their fill and made a few trips back to the buffet, they were comfortably full. And not only that, the rain had stopped.

“It would appear the gods had let their grip on this realm go at long last,” Gundam spoke as they exited the restaurant.

“Yeah, it’s ni-nice and warm,” Mikan said, taking a moment to soak up the warm sunshine.

“Shall we find a gatekeeper and travel back to our kingdoms together?”

“Actually... my place isn’t too far from here.” Mikan began. “It’s not you! I promise! I-I just want to enjoy the sun after all this ra-“

“You don’t need to justify enjoying this enchanted moment if I had a sufficient amount of mana I would have too.” he smiled. “However, I lost contact with you once and I rather not have this be the last time fate has us cross paths. May I offer you a way to summon me?”

“You’re phone number? Sure... I... I would love to see you again.” she smiled as Gundam scribbled his phone number on a scrap of paper.

“I think you are worthy enough to see the newest descendants from the four dark devas of destruction’s family line,” he said.

“I would love to see them.”

“Indeed, perhaps you are worthy enough to take on the quest of owning one?”

Mikan’s eyes lit up. “You...you want to give me one of them?”

“Only if I and the latest generations of the four dark devas think so!” Gundam stated. “It would involve a long series of riddles and gazing into the deepest depths of your mind to see if you are truly ready for such a task.”

“I’m free tomorrow if that works?”

“And the stars perfectly aline.” he grinned, handing her a scrap of paper with his number written down.

“May-maybe we could grab a coffee and work out the details?”

“Very well then, I accept your offer!” Gundam grinned before finally managing to get a taxi. “I look forward to it and any other future endeavours!” he called as the car drove off.

Mikan couldn’t help but smile as she looked down at the paper in her pudgy fingers. She got a number, she actually got a number and something to do on her day off! Her grin grew as she began the walk to her apartment, basking in the warm sunlight.

[sunny-day-sky]

Tagged by @elinaline 💜 thank you for this! I like these things!

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush?

Pink

2. name of a food you never eat?

Bananas 🍌 generally, I’m not too picky, but I can’t stand banana at all! 

3. are you typically too warm or too cold?

Too warm! I am a Furnace 🔥

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Looking at memes and replying to a few messages!

5. what’s your favourite candy bar?

I don’t like candy that much, so probably just a plain dark chocolate bar that isn’t too big or sweet

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event?

Like semi-professional, I guess? My mom got free tickets through work, and I hated every minute of it

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?

“Tomorrow, they will take my blood.” (I have to get a blood test done for one of my medications LOL)

8. what is your favourite ice cream?

Strawberry or coffee, but if it’s frozen yogurt, then cookies-and-cream!

9. what is the last thing you had to drink?

A Monster energy drink (the pink one). But actually, I should probably have some water. What a good reminder!

10. do you like your wallet?

Yes! It’s a little red designer wallet that one of our family friends gave me as a graduation gift after my senior recital in high school, and it makes me look like I have more money than I do unless you open it! :D

11. what was the last thing you ate?

Leftovers from dinner, but it was breakfast food, because Emily and I are ADULTS and ANARCHISTS 😤

12. did you buy any new clothes last week?

okay yes but it only cost a few pounds, and I hardly ever do, like this is the first time in a long time, so please don’t judge me :(

13. last sporting event you watched?

I actually don’t know! I don’t tend to watch sports! I think the last one I was even near was the televised horse race with robot horses, but I was cooking at the time, so I didn’t absorb much!

14. what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn?

I have to say, nothing really beats classic salt and butter, but tajin is a good addition 😋

15. who was the last person you sent a message to?

Chanel!

16. ever go camping?

Not willingly.

17. do you take vitamins?

I take vitamin D when I’m reminded to 😅

18. do you go to church every Sunday?

Not unless I’m performing or with family

19. do you have a tan?

Nope! I did once, when I did outdoor PE in summer to get it out of the way before my sophomore year of high school, but it r e a l l y didn’t suit me LOL

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

Chinese food all the way! Especially “real” Chinese food (like, the kind I would cook for my relatives, you know), but commercial food is delicious too!

21. do you drink soda with a straw?                      

No, I drink it with alcohol 🧐

22. what colour socks do you wear?

Black, because then I don’t have to sort them, and Emily and I can just grab! I have some cute socks from Daiso, but I left them in California by mistake

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit?

Only like 20 miles above if someone is riding with me, but when I’m by myself, all bets are off 🚗🌬

24. what terrifies you?

It’s a good question! I feel like I’m afraid of really random stuff. I also don’t want to make this post too depressing or Deep, so I’ll just name one! I’m afraid of dark windows at night, especially when I’m looking out through them.

25. look to your left what do you see?

My water bottle, neglected all day 😭

26. what chore do you hate?

Washing dishes. It’s the worst! Even cleaning the bathroom is better!

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

To be honest, when I hear any accent that isn’t mine, I sort of linguistically analyze it and think to myself how cool and awesome it is. I like to hear linguistic variation, and it makes my ears so happy to hear other people talk!

28. what’s your favourite soda?

Probably ginger ale, but I don’t really drink soda unless it’s a mixer

29. do you go into fast food places or drive thru?

It depends on what I’m ordering, if I have a coupon, or if I’m in a hurry (or wearing an ugly outfit LOL) but I usually like to go in!

30. who was the last person you talked to?

Emily in person; Natalie over text!

31. favourite cut of beef?

It’s hard to say! I think it really depends on how I’m cooking it, and for whom. Brisket is great for slow-cooking, but if I’m making a steak, I’d rather use a more tender cut. Probably the best is strip steak, because it’s cheap 😅

32. last song you listened to?

Anywhere by Rita Ora

33. last book you read?

I’ve been doing really bad with reading lately, unfortunately, so probably Proust?

34. can you say the alphabet backwards?

If I tried, I probably could! But when you really think about it, why is the alphabet in that order? Does backwards really mean anything? 🤔

35. how do you like your coffee?

Cream, no sugar

36. favourite pair of shoes?

That’s a tough one! I love shoes! Maybe my black heels that I got just before the lockdown (they were on sale), or else my pink pumps

37. the time you normally go to bed?

When I’m on a healthy (for me) schedule, around 11 or midnight, but lately, my sleep cycle is all kinds of messed up, and it’s been closer to 4AM :/

38. the time you normally wake up?

I prefer to wake up at around 6:30 or 7, but recently, it’s been... not that.

39. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?

I think it depends on my mood. I love both, but for different reasons. Sunrise feels fresh and beautiful, while sunset feels exciting and cool. But right now, I think I would like to see a sunset!

40. how many blankets are on your bed?

Just the one

41. describe your kitchen plates?

We all sort of use each whatever is to hand, so there’s no cohesive theme. I do want to buy a matching set for me and Emily when we move out, though!

42. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

Whiskey all the way!

43. do you play cards?

Not well, but my siblings and I do like to play together when we hang out, especially on holidays. There are four of us, so it’s convenient for dealing!

44. what colour is your car?

Black! But I had to leave her in California-- unfortunately, it’s frowned upon to bring cars on international plane journeys :(

45. can you change a tire?

I know how to in theory, but I’ve never done it

46. your favourite province?

I’m going to interpret this as “state” because I am but a simple American :/ California is the best, of course!

47. favourite job you’ve had?

Violin teaching 🎻 unless you count working at the psycholinguistics lab in college, but I didn’t get paid for that LOL

48. how did you get your biggest scar?

Most of my scars are not fun, but I do have a cool crescent-shaped one from my one and only car crash!

49. what did you do today that made someone happy?

I told Cesar where to read the Hunter X Hunter manga, and I feel like that should count for something 😛

I’m not explicitly tagging anyone, because this is very long! But if you see it and want to do it, just go right ahead and say that I tagged you :D You can even list me as “an anonymous source who tasked you to do their bidding” if you want :D

[samsexualdeancurious]

Thanks For Listening | Chapter Five (Finale)

Square: Free Space

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Words: 1,480

Warnings: hurt!Reader, pining, eventual smut, dirty talk, voice!kink, unprotected sex.

Summary: Sam hosts two podcasts - a secret one for hunters called the War Room and a public one with fellow hunter Y/N called Criminal History. Y/N and Sam have never seen each other, let alone met, but that doesn’t stop Sam from worrying when Y/N suddenly goes missing.

Betaed by @manawhaat​

Written for @spnkinkbingo​

Header by me and Mana

Masterlist - AO3

--

You're woken by Sam's mouth leaving a trail of kisses across your shoulder. His body is spooned up behind your own, strong arms looped around your waist.

"Mmm, good morning, Chief," you sigh, turning to catch his lips in a soft kiss. You brush his hair back. "Didja sleep okay?"

"Always do when you're here," he says.

His mouth starts a journey along your jaw and down your throat, sending jolts of arousal through your core as it goes. You catch a glimpse of the clock on the nightstand, though, and reluctantly push Sam away. He pouts.

"We slept late," you explain. "If we want to get all the recording that we need to done, we gotta get going."

Sam groans but acquiesces. You both dress quickly before heading down to the bunker kitchen. You're glad Sam didn't go on his usual morning run and is here to guide you through the maze that is his home. Even after a month of staying in the bunker, you still get lost sometimes. Part of you feels like the bunker is a giant, ancient creature who just likes to mess with you, moving hallways around like the staircases in Hogwarts. Part of you thinks that's crazy. Then again, how crazy would it really be?

Sam's hand linking up with yours breaks your train of thought. He finds the kitchen with ease. Dean is already sitting at the table, armed with a mug of steaming coffee. He gives you both a little salute as you enter, clearly not quite awake yet.

Sam pours two mugs coffee while you start getting together the ingredients you both like in scrambled eggs.

"Sam, can you get the medium skillet down?" you ask, digging through a drawer in search of a few forks and a spatula.

"Anything for you," he replies, easily retrieving the pan in question from its hook above the center island. "Do you need butter to grease it?"

"Knew I was forgetting something. I think it's behind the leftover pizza."

Sam makes a face as he pulls the pizza in question from the fridge. "Dean, this is disgusting."

"Hey!" Dean protests as Sam tosses the pizza in the trash. "That was a perfectly good pizza!"

"Dean, that wasn't pizza. That was Darwinism."

You roll your eyes at their bickering, letting the obvious love between them warm your own heart. They may not have the healthiest relationship on the planet but it's clear to even you, a newcomer to their little bunker family, that there's nothing they wouldn't do for each other.

"Here ya go," Sam says, pulling you from your thoughts.

You take the stick of butter he's holding out, cutting off a chunk to grease the pan with. Dean got new pans recently - the old ones were, well, old - and he's extremely picky about what goes into them. Cooking spray specifically has been banned from the kitchen.

Sam returns the butter to the fridge and gets a small bowl from the top shelf of the cupboard without being asked.

"Mind reader," you tease, taking the bowl.

"Maybe I just know you really well." Sam presses a kiss to the top of your head.

"Ugh. Someone shoot me," Dean grumbles, though you know he doesn't mean any harm by it.

"Why?"

You glance over to see Jack standing on the top step, rubbing at his eyes in a way that makes him look just like the two-year-old he is. His golden locks are a tousled mess.

"Good morning, Jack," you say, beckoning him over. He comes willingly and you straighten his hair out with a few brushes of your fingers.

"Morning, Y/N." Jack eyes the eggs and such you have laid out. "Scrambled eggs?"

"Yep. Do you want some?"

He nods. "Yes, please. You make them the best."

"Excuse you." Dean clutches his chest dramatically.

"You make the best burgers," Jack says with the brutal honesty of a child. "But you always overcook eggs."

Dean sputters indignantly but doesn't form an actual reply.

"Get a few more eggs out," you tell Jack as you crack the first egg into the bowl.

While Jack gets his eggs, Sam sidles up behind you to curl his arms around your waist. He tucks his face down against the side of your neck with a happy sound.

"Hello," you laugh, reaching up with one hand to pat the side of his head. "You gonna be helpful and start cutting things up? Or are you just gonna hang all over me?"

Sam hums softly and presses a kiss over one of the many hickeys he left the night before. "I like it right here."

"I like it too," you reply, turning your head to catch his lips in a kiss. "But the sooner we eat, the sooner we start recording, the sooner we can get to… other things."

Sam's eyes darken with lust and his grip on you tightens a little. Pink tongue darts out to wet his lips.

"What other things?" Jack asks innocently, setting three more eggs next to the ones already on the counter.

Sam blushes, cute little splotches of red on the apples of his cheeks. "Um, we uh - we wanted to watch some TV."

"Oh!" Jack, of course, is totally oblivious. Thank God. "What're you gonna watch? Can I join you?"

You exchange a glance with Sam before answering, cracking more eggs into the bowl as you do. "Not tonight, Jack. We kinda want to just have a little night to ourselves. How about we watch a movie tomorrow night, though? We can even get some snacks and stuff."

Jack dimmed a little at your refusal but he brightens again once more when you suggest a movie night. "Okay! That sounds like fun."

You add milk and start mixing up the eggs, adding the other ingredients as you go. "Maybe Dean and you can go to town today for some movie treats."

"Can we?" Jack practically begs, whirling to face Dean where he still sits at the table.

"I suppose," Dean grumbles into his mug. "We're running low on toilet paper too so I was already planning on making a run. Should just do a full grocery run."

Jack does a little happy dance.

The eggs cook up quick and soon you're dividing them up onto three plates. Jack snatches his plate up, mumbling a "thank you" around a mouthful of food as he heads to the table.

"He's been spending too much time around Dean," Sam says for your ears only, his soft smile telling you that he really doesn't mind.

After breakfast, you and Sam fill your water bottles and head down to the office. This is quite possibly your favorite room in the whole bunker after Sam's room. You love the cozy lighting, Sam's dark wood desk, the "Quiet Please. Recording in Progress" sign above the door.

Sam has added a second desk so you have somewhere to do your own work from the podcast but you've decided to just share a microphone when you're together like this and you happily wheel your super comfy desk chair over to sit beside Sam.

"Got your notes ready?" Sam asks out of pure habit - he knows you always have them.

"Do you?" is your teasing response as you flip open your laptop and find the tab with your notes file.

Sam just chuckles, reaching over the arms of both chairs to weave your fingers together at the same time he flips on the sign outside the door. "Ready when you are."

"Start the recording, big guy."

He does just that and you see the waveform on the recording software begin. Both of you stay silent a moment and then Sam gives you a nod.

You lean in a little closer to the microphone, Sam mirroring you on the other side as you say, "I'm Y/N-"

"And I'm Chief-"

Your eyes meet his over the mic and he gives your hand a squeeze before you continue with, "And this is Criminal History."

Sam glances over at his notes. "Today we will be discussing the case of the Servant Woman Annihilator, a serial killer from early Austin, Texas that history has, for the most part, forgotten. Y/N, you travel a lot. Have you ever been to Austin?"

"I haven't," you answer honestly. "But I've heard great things and I really want to visit."

Sam's smile softens a little and he brings your hand to his lips. "Maybe we could visit together?"

Warmth fills you, starting in your chest and making its way out to the end of every finger and toe until it feels like your whole body is glowing. You have a feeling the two of you are going to be doing a lot of things together for a very long time and you can't wait.

"I would like that, Chief."

--

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--

Team Forever: @mrswhozeewhatsis @books-and-icecream @laughing-at-the-darkness​ @tumbler-tidbits​ @imsuperawkward​

Team Sam: @saxxxology​

Team TFL: @wonderfulworldofwinchester @kickingitwithkirk @muchamusedaboutnothing @ellen-reincarnated1967  @linki-locks11 @sydneytea