#the left foot could be better but aside from that

[rayveewrites]

Drew an enderman bc I felt like it!

Kinda experimental, There's a lot of me messing around here. It was fun, though!

Dunno why they have those fin-things, it just looks neat. Maybe it's related to the dragon's wings?

[yandere-daydreams]

tw - sex doll au, implied dub/con, unhealthy relationships, possessive behavior, and generally depraved behavior.

You're starting to wonder if you should've gotten a different pair.

You knew what you were getting into when you decided that, of all the androids in Teyvat's stock, you were going to be one of the few brave souls that dared to put two members of the Akademiya Collection that weren't Tighnari and Cyno under the same roof. The salesperson had cringed as you made your selection, your more tech-savvy friends pursed their lips and asked if that was really for the best, and you couldn't mention your specific preferences on any public message board without being berated off the platform entirely. You didn't care, thought. The heart wants what it wants, and apparently, your heart wanted two burnt-out post-grads to rail you into next week.

That's what you told yourself until you got Alhaitham and Kaveh home, at least.

The bickering, you were prepared for. You weren't surprised by the constant passive-aggression, the subtle pokes at Alhaitham's arrogance and Kaveh's bleeding heart, and you managed to stomach it the first time your dreams of a multi-major threesome were dashed because Kaveh mentioned some ancient philosophical principle and Alhaitham couldn't resist the opportunity to correct his wording and you were left bouncing yourself on Alhaitham's cock while he dispassionately flipped through a textbook you haven't opened since you were an under-grad. Minor hiccups, nothing you couldn't forget about when Kaveh buried his face between your thighs or Alhaitham split you open on his fingers while reading your latest research paper aloud, denying you an orgasm for every grammatical error. That part, you wouldn't trade for the world.

The jealousy, though - you could live without that. You've heard that there's supposed to be fail-safes for this kind of thing, measures the developers take to make sure any companion droids can co-exist without tearing each other apart, but their mutual distaste seems strong enough to overwhelm whatever barriers their creators put in place. You've lost count of the number of times there's been a false-alarm in some other part of your apartment while you're on your knees at Alhaitham's feet, how many times Alhaitham's flawless hardware has suddenly 'malfunctioned' while Kaveh has your ankles propped on his shoulders.

Not getting laid, you can deal with, but it's a little hard to be so forgiving when Kaveh spends the better half a day pouting because you took Alhaitham to work and left him at home, when Alhaitham deletes your registered commands from his memory bank because you had the nerve to take Kaveh to a farmer's market that that he'd rather die than step foot in. You've tried to be fair, to divide your time evenly, but they're not happy with that, either. Neither of them would ever say it out loud, but it's clear enough that they both want to be the center of your attention. It'd be cute, if they weren't so spiteful.

The only thing worse than their jealousy is when they put aside their spitefulness, their petty arguments, and decide to agree on the only thing they can ever agree on: that their beloved 'master' should be the one to make up for all those hours of neglect. It's a little like your fantasies, but not quite; your chest pressed against Alhaitham's Kaveh's chin resting on your shoulder, the former inside of you while the latter whispers sweet-nothings against the curve of your throat. It's more violent than anything you ever would've expected from two men so scholarly, more aggressive - teeth buried in your skin, bruises in the shape of their palm painted across your thighs, fingers forcing their way past your lips whenever you so much as consider using your safe-word. You're left strung-out for hours after they're done with you, and Kaveh's free to press himself against your side while Alhaitham tries to pass himself off as the caretaker he so clearly isn't. It's the only time they don't waste their breath on bickering. It's the only time they ever get along.

It's the only time you don't have the strength to focus on anything but your two precious, precious androids.

[leaentries]

Riding High | nico hischier

summary: when his girl decides to take charge, whose he to object?

warnings: marking, slight handjob, hair pulling (m. receiving), unprotected sex, riding, creampie, slight cockwarming, sub!nico, more porn with little to no plot, swearing

wc: 1.6k+

the captain’s girl masterlist

Stumbling through the front door, your lips found any part of Nico they could latch onto. Hands snaking up the tight tank top that clung to his rigid body. The slight scar that remained on his cheek flashed in your vision as you kissed up his jaw. 

Nico Hischier’s existence was truly unfair to other men.

“Fuck, schatzi.” He panted as his foot managed to kick the door closed. 

Nico’s body pounded against his sweaty skin, still riding high from the team's win over Philly. His mind went hazy the second your hands began to roam once you reached the elevator. His heavy breaths were the only sound that escaped into the crisp air. He was putty at your feet, but he preferred it that way tonight. 

Truth be told, Nico loved it when you decided to take control over him. It gave his mind a break from “Captain” mode. Normally, Nico would bend you over and have his way with you, especially after a win like this, but all he could think about was the way your nails felt against his toned abdomen. 

And the shockwaves it sent to his cock.

His head tilted back as your mouth began to leave hot red marks down the column of his throat. Nico squeezed his eyes shut, pulse beating rapidly against your lips. His chest heaved with anticipation.

“Please, baby,” Nico whined. 

A small smirk found home on your face, relishing in the whimpers that left your boyfriend at the slightest touch. He was so sensitive, yet it just fueled your libido that much more. Pulling your mouth away from his body, Nico’s eyes shot open, immediately seeking your own. His bambi eyes were blown out, pupils so dilated they were practically black. 

He swallowed the complaint bubbling up, “Why’d you stop?” 

It was almost endearing, the meekness in his voice. Nico was so driven by the pleasure you were bringing him that he couldn’t form a coherent thought about anything else. 

You remained silent, simply pulling his wrist as an invitation to follow you to the living room. He let you guide him without hesitation, body desperately craving your touch. You quickly kicked off your shoes, discarding them somewhere between the kitchen and the living room. 

Once you reached your desired destination, you moved Nico till you could walk him backward towards the couch. He felt his calves hit the soft cushions, falling down to them as you gently pushed his chest.

Straddling him, you brought your hands to his swollen biceps in an attempt to balance yourself. Nico’s warm eyes peered into yours, patiently waiting for your next move. He traced every inch of your face as you reached down to grip the bottom of your sweater. Nico felt his breath hitch the second your breasts popped into view. 

The sound of his uneven pants was music to your ears, but the feeling of his thick cock pressed against your core was even better. Throwing aside your sweater, you began to slowly grind yourself down into him. Nico’s head fell back, exposing his marked-up neck. You brought your lips back to where they were earlier, this time lowering your trail. 

The slight red tint of your lips marked their territory on his white tank, no doubt staining it. You dragged your hands over his chest, smirking at the stutter of his hips as you brushed over his nipples. You continued your journey downward, only stopping once you reached the hem of his shirt. You gripped the edge, urging Nico to help discard the material. He leaned up, swiftly removing the unwanted layer. 

As he leaned back, you let a single finger dip through the faint lines of muscle on his stomach. Nico’s chest was covered in a sheer coat of sweat as your teasing got worse. He opened his mouth once more but was quickly silenced by your lips. You swallowed any sounds he attempted to make, licking into his welcoming mouth. Nico hummed in approval.

You slowly untied the sweats he had on, dipping your hand into the waistband. You pulled away to look at his flushed features.

“No boxers, Neeks?” You teased.

Nico blushed a deeper shade of red, crimson now spreading down his neck. The words he once had died in his throat.

He shook his head slightly.

You felt a wave of adoration wash over you at the sight of your big, hockey player boyfriend getting all shy. Nico wasn’t typically like this, it was a welcomed change to your sex life.

You tsked, “Such a naughty boy, Nico.”

Although he knew you were joking, his cock leaked at your sultry tone. You wasted no time in pulling down his pants just enough to pull out his dick. Wrapping your hand around his shaft, you slowly began to pump him.

“Oh fuck,” Nico’s eyes screwed shut, “Just like that, schatzi.”

You continued pumping him, letting your thumb rub over his swollen tip in the process. In spite of his protests, you remained at a torturingly slow pace. You took the time to admire the slight curve of him and the way Nico would buck his hips when you applied pressure to the vein on the right side of his cock.

“Such a pretty cock,” You cooed, “So pretty, all f’me.”

Nico whimpered.

You thought his moans were hot, but hearing him whimper from just a basic handjob was a whole other ballgame.

You continued to stoke him, beads of precum beginning to stick to the tips of your fingers. Nico’s body began to tense as you squeezed the base. 

“S-shit,” He cried.

You knew he was close, but the throbbing that each of his whines sent to your clit was enough to have you pulling back and stepping off of him. Nico looked at you pathetically, desperation and need filling his dark eyes. 

“I know, I know,” You soothed, “I just need you inside of me, pretty boy. That okay?” 

Nico couldn’t agree fast enough. He attempted to help remove your leggings, only to be swatted away. 

“Nuh-uh. No touching until I say so.” 

Nico swore he almost came right then and there. Something about the authoritative edge in your voice had his mind reeling. The only thought he could process was you sinking down on him until his cock was so deep he wouldn’t be able to remember his name. 

You rushed to discard your bottoms, your own desperation now taking over. You straddled him once more, biting your lip as his hard-on pressed into your sensitive clit. You ground yourself further down, spreading your arousal all over his length. 

“I can’t,” Nico’s hoarse voice snapped you back to reality, “Please, schatzi. I need to be inside you.” 

You leaned to press a sweet kiss on his lips. 

“Okay, baby.” 

Giving in to his pleas, you carefully line his tip with your soaking entrance before slowly sinking down. Your eyes nearly roll back at the delicious stretch of him. Nico struggled to regain his breath as your tightness made his cock weep. 

You both sat for a moment, too worked up to move yet. Placing a kiss on his scar, you gently began to move your hips. Nico’s hands flew to your waist, gripping the meaty flesh. Too consumed in the way he felt dragging along your velvet walls, you couldn’t even bring yourself to reprimand him for breaking your “No Touching,” rule.

Your hands wrapped around his neck as you tangled your fingers in his soft hair. Nico’s moaned as you tugged slightly.

“You, fuck,” You gasped as you you continued to bounce, “You like that, Neeks?” 

He nodded, giving you his infamous doe-eyes. 

“Yeah? You like it when I pull your hair?” 

You pulled again, this time slightly harder. Nico’s hips bucked up, a deep groan bubbling up from his chest. Satisfied with his reaction, you moved your hands to his shoulders. You braced yourself, quickly increasing your pace. You tried your best to ignore the burning sensation in your thighs as you rutted against Nico.

Nico noticed your pace faltering, his hands moving to your thighs to hold your weight. His hips began to thrust upwards at a brutal pace, a loud cry escaping your mouth. Your hands scratched at his muscles, clinging to the back of the couch as the searing pleasure began to build in your tummy. 

Nico, lost in his own pleasure, began to mumble incoherent German in your ear. His husky voice sent pulses of electricity through your veins, finding enough strength to push back against his pelvis as he thrusted. 

In his mix of languages, you were able to make out hsi faint chant of begs.

“Keep doing that, schatzi.” 

“Oh, don’t stop.”

“Gonna cum, please.” 

You swiveled your hips forward, Nico’s cock edging deeper into your cunt. You convulsed around him, coaxing him to his orgasm. 

His head fell back, deep whines leaving with each thrust as you milked his cock. The feeling of his warm finish filling your spent pussy was enough to tip you over. You screwed your eyes shut as you felt the waves of orgasmic bliss blind every sense you had. 

You could barely make out the feeling of Nico’s thumb rubbing encouraging circles around your clit. 

Coming back to reality, you collapsed into Nico, his strong arms wrapping around your soft figure. You both relished in the post-sex glow, enjoying the feeling of each other's bodies pressed so close together. You let your eyes shut, Nico’s fingers running down your spine lulling you into relaxation. 

“You ready for bed, baby?” 

You smiled at the change in his demeanor. It was just like him to immediately take on his protective and caring nature once more. Not that you were gonna complain. 

You shook your head, “Want to stay here for a minute. I like you inside of me.”

Nico let out a groan, “Can’t say things like that, schatzi. You’re gonna make me hard again.” 

You simply laughed, placing a kiss on his collarbone.

[moonstruckme]

hi lovely! would you consider writing part 2 for reader that is remus' roommate and sirius, where they are freshly together? if you don't feel like it that's fine, have a good day darling

Thanks for requesting honey! Hope this is alright :)

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

modern au

Sirius Black x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

When Remus opens the door, he banishes his surprise at finding Sirius there almost as quickly as he knows he’s not here to see him. 

“She’s in her room,” Remus says, stepping aside. 

Sirius grins at him, beelining down the hall. He’d been coming around a lot more often lately, and though Remus would like to be annoyed, it’s hard to deny how sweet the two of you are together. After your first meeting, Sirius had begun showing up every weekend, allegedly to hang out with Remus, though you somehow always ended up coming along. Then he started popping in on weekdays, claiming he forgot something at the apartment or was in the area and “thought I may as well stop by to see the two biggest nerds on campus.” According to you, he started showing up at your cafe a short while after that, acting surprised to see you and like he only vaguely recalled Remus mentioning you worked there (after he’d bribed Remus with chocolates for the intel).

You’d only gone on your first date the week before, and Remus had to meet Sirius nearly twenty minutes away from campus afterward to avoid any possibility of running into you as he gushed about the dress you’d picked out (Remus had seen it before you left; it was adorable), how smart you were (Remus knew), the book you were in the middle of (Remus had lent it to you), and did Remus know this and that and that about you? (he did). Sirius spoke like you were the most fascinating creature on the planet, and Remus wasn’t sure he’d ever seen his friend so happy. 

When he got home, you weren’t much better. It had taken you awhile to build up the courage, a few days of Remus catching you smiling at your phone or staring off to the side of your book with a dreamy glaze over your eyes, but finally you’d asked Remus (trying to be casual, as if he didn’t know better) about Sirius. It had started with questions about what kind of music he preferred, then what he’d been like when they’d been in school together, and soon Remus was telling you everything he could recall from the moment he met Sirius when they were eleven, surprised and a bit endeared by how eager you were for every story. 

The day after that, he’d started getting texts from James asking about the girl that had his best friend so smitten (“Moons, I’m telling you,” James had said, “I keep walking into his room to find him texting with his feet kicking behind him. It’s alarming”). It had begun to feel like all Remus did lately was relay information about you and Sirius to anyone who asked. Frankly, he felt lucky to have a first-row seat to the show, endlessly amused to watch as two of the most self-assured people he knew devolved into giggling fools in the other’s presence. 

Now, he can hear you squeal as Sirius bursts into your room, followed by some scuffling sounds, and then Sirius drags your blanket-wrapped form across the floor and out into the living room by your ankle. You curse and twist about, grinning with the sort of animation Remus hadn’t known you possessed until you’d met Sirius. 

“Alright,” Remus says in his bored, I’m-so-done-with-your-lovebird-shit voice (he’s had plenty of time to practice it in these last few weeks), “unhand my roommate, Sirius.” 

Sirius drops your foot, and you sit up, shaking your head in entirely faked exasperation as you straighten your rumpled hair. 

“Moony, do you know she’s been dodging my calls for days?”

Remus quirks a brow. “I heard you on the phone last night.” 

“Some bullshit about an exam,” Sirius continues as though he hasn’t spoken. “Can you believe it? You know me, I won’t stand for this sort of treatment.”

“I know you’re needy, Black,” you say, standing with the grace of a monarch despite your polka-dot pajamas and the blanket wrapped around your shoulders and going to sit on the couch, “but I can only afford to feed your ego every so often when my strictest professor’s exam is coming up.” 

Remus hums in recognition. “That’s tomorrow morning, isn’t it?”

You nod, brushing a greasy piece of hair behind your ear self-consciously, and Remus watches you sympathetically. He’s not sure how much you’ve let Sirius know, but it’s hard to live in such close proximity to someone and not pick up on their moods. You’ve been horrendously stressed about this exam all week. The coffee maker has been running nearly non-stop, the shower running not at all, and Remus has seen light coming from under your door at all hours of the night. 

“Maybe the two of you should go to a park or something,” he suggests gently. “Enjoy the nice weather, relax for a while.” 

You look anxious at the prospect of abandoning your textbooks for a few hours, but Sirius is assessing you, putting the pieces together of what this week has done to you. “Good idea, Moons,” he says, and Remus doubts he has to fake any of the enthusiasm in his voice. “What do you think, lovely girl, want to go on a little adventure?”

You hesitate, but in the end time with Sirius is too tempting to pass up. “Let me just get dressed.”

“Ugh,” Sirius complains. “If you have to.” 

A few minutes later Remus is watching you both warmly, feeling oddly like someone’s dad, though he’s not sure whose. He can’t help but smile as Sirius fawns over you, telling you how pretty you look and insisting upon tying your shoes for you (“Gorgeous thing like you, doing things for yourself? Don’t be ridiculous, sweetheart. Give me a few weeks, and you won’t remember how to tie your shoes or open your own door.”) before opening the front door gallantly. You’re all coy looks and feigned annoyance at his flirtation, but there’s more color in your complexion than Remus has seen all week, and you lean into Sirius when he wraps an arm around your shoulders. It’s all very sickeningly sweet. 

“Have fun,” Remus says, waving you out the door. “And Pads.”

Sirius looks back, gray eyes practically sparkling. “Yeah?”

“She’s got an exam in the morning. Don’t get her home too late.”

[bugboioli23]

Swerve x Human!Reader

Disclaimer: I haven't written fic for a few years so my skills are gonna be a bit shit to be honest, any criticism is welcome and id love to hear what you guys think 💚

THIS IS 18+ - size difference, valveplug, oral sex, fingerfucking, doggy style, riding - 2911 words - AFAB reader but no pronouns are used

You and Swerve had been friends since you stepped foot on the Lost Light. Something about his chatterbox personality and sitcom-like humor had you beaming whenever you were around him. The best nights were spent perched on the edge of the bar counter, rambling for hours on end with Swerve. Tonight was one of those nights. It was after the doors had closed, the bar empty and silent aside from the laughter ricocheting from the both of you. 

“Really?!” You yelped, eyes wide in surprise as you stared at the grinning minibot.

“I'm telling you! You wouldn't believe the amount of mechs who come by here asking for you!” Swerve replied with a chuckle, shaking his helm in shared disbelief. “Not only that but they actually think they could frag you! I'm probably one of the few bots on here who could frag you full sized.” Swerve paused, face freezing for a second as he quickly backtracked on his statement. “I mean- not that we would- NOT THAT I WOULDN'T WANT TO- I'm sure you’d make a lovely frag- NOT LIKE THAT- I JUST MEANT- im sorry- ” Swerve seemed to shrink in on himself as he continued to mumble to himself anxiously.

Your face burned red at the idea. The thought of a bot being stuffed between your folds, trembling at the foreign sensation of the wet flesh of your cunt. You wondered about the anatomy that laid hidden under the panels of your metallic friends. How similar are you compared to them? Just how compatible are your species? You already had gotten an enlightening talk from Brainstorm about Cybertronian anatomy after you explained human anatomy to him. (For his holoforms of course. No other reason.) You knew what you could take, but the fresh reality that this could happen left blood rushing south. 

“Uhm…  ____? You good? I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything. I should’ve kept my mouth shut, I’m sorry.” Swerve looked at you apologetically. His light pout and the puppy eyes you could barely see behind his visor brought forth images that made warmth surge through your body once more. How would Swerve act if you asked him to fuck you? He seemed like the type of Cybertronian who wouldn’t mind a little experimenting with humans. He seemed like the type to whimper; the type to beg. 

Heat flushed through your face as reality caught back up to you. You flashed him a bright smile and waved your hand dismissively.

“Don’t worry about me, I’m alright. Just thinking.” You glanced at Swerve, who looked unconvinced. “Hey, weren’t you and Blurr going to open a bar before you came here?” You asked out of nowhere, hoping to turn his attention onto something else. It seemed to work because he was already telling you about how Blurr was secretly his best friend. While the bartender was distracted, you let your thoughts turn back to the ideas at hand. You found Swerve to be adorable, the way he seemed to always work with a smile despite people talking poorly about him. His fascination with your species’ tv and music and how he would light up when you offered another film for movie nights. After tonight’s conversation, you decided it’s now or never to shoot your shot with him.

“Swerve?” You looked him up and down with a smile, interjecting his speech on Blurr’s latest record break. “Do you think fragging a human would be possible?” You spoke sweetly, letting your voice fall an octave to emphasize your intentions. 

“Uhm, wouldn't Ratchet be better at answering that than I would?” Swerve thought he was hearing things. In his mind there was no possible way that you just asked what you had asked. His head must've made that up. It had to be some kind of self inflicted auditory hallucination. The way you smiled softly and rested a hand on his arm before leaning closer must also be a trick of the optics.

“Swerve, darling. I asked you for a reason.” You replied coyly, glancing up at him with an endearing grin. He felt his intake hitch and a sliver of charge run down his frame. 

“Oh.” He choked out, face tinted with the rush of energon. His cooling fans kicked on with just the mere suggestion of what tonight could entail. “I- I suppose we could- figure it out…” He grinned shyly.

“That’s a good mech.” You purred, wide grin never faltering as you hopped down from the counter. You sauntered out of the bar with a new sense of confidence, only pausing to gesture to him to follow before the doors closed behind you. Swerve had to take a minute to collect his thoughts before practically sprinting after you.

Your habsuite was uniquely modified for your species. Instead of a hard metal berth, you had a cushy soft bed adorned with a mass of plushies, pillows and blankets. Soft lighting glowed from lower points in the room instead of one harsh light from above. It had your special charm to it, and Swerve wanted to spend every moment he could in there with you. 

“So,” You started plopping yourself down on the edge of your bed, patting the spot next to you, “I’m going to skip all the pleasantries here, I want you to fuck me.”

Swerve let out a whine, feeling a surge of arousal flooding through his systems. His spike pressurized quickly, becoming heavy behind his panels with an embarrassingly loud thud. “Did you have to be so bold about it?” He hissed through clenched dentae as you gazed at him with desire. 

“I think it’s more fun to watch your reactions.” You hummed contentedly before climbing into his lap, “Can I kiss you? Would that be okay?” You spoke softly, but your eyes never left his face. Swerve nodded hastily, servos hovering above your body anxiously. His intake opened to start a flood of questions but you cut him off with a kiss, exploring the foreign texture of his pliable metallic face. The strange rubbery feeling of his glossa felt wonderfly new against the soft muscle of your tongue. You let out a soft noise of pleasure against his mouth before you were interrupted by a snap of panels retracting and an enticing pressure laying heavy on your thigh. 

“Oh- Slag, sorry I- you’re so- I wasn’t able to-,” Swerve began, but you pressed a finger to his lips as you looked down to study the new part of him. It was about 8 inches long, the red tip of it already leaking prefluids. It was mostly white, with a stripe of red along the underside decorated with biolights which pulsed needily. You trailed your hand lightly along the length, your fingers barely unable to touch around the girth of it. You looked back up at Swerve who was hiding behind his servos, face tinted pink with energon. 

“Listen… I know I’m not as big as other bots but please… don’t stop whatever you were planning to do.” Swerve mumbled shyly, peeking at you between his digits.

“Oh, hun. You don’t have to worry about anything. You’ve got more than enough for me to enjoy.” You smiled, sliding off his lap to kneel between his legs. “May I?” You asked, wanting to explore his anatomy further. 

He let out a shaky exvent with a nod and you ran your fingers along the grooves and panels of the Cybertronian anatomy. It wasn’t until you had gotten eye level with his spike that you had noticed his valve. It was dripping with transfluid and the hooded node was glowing a beautiful blue. You looked up at him from your position, eyes full of lust. 

“Change of plans. Lean back for me, I’ve gotta taste you.” You purred, firmly pushing against his midsection lightly as he rested his back against the wall of pillows. You gently pushed his thighs open and trailed two fingers against the slick folds of his valve, coating your fingers in the sticky substance. You studied your digits before popping them into your mouth. The pink fluid was metallic and sour, but addicting in a strange way. You wanted more. Spreading his folds with one hand, you delved into his valve. Swerve watched, entranced by the way you slid the flat of your tongue against him. The sensation made him let out soft groans, which encouraged you more. You took your other hand and gently circled his anterior node, ghosting the edges of it teasingly. Your tongue dove into his entrance and you felt the inner calipers twitch and throb with need. 

“Oh frag… you’re good a-at this. I’m- hnghh… I don’t have enough stamina for t-this!” Swerve whined as you moved the hand separating his folds and you backed away from his plush valve.

“Don’t worry, you are doing so good. Just lie back and let me take care of you, okay?” You cooed and went back to lapping at the transfluid that fell from his folds. One hand finally gave his anterior node pressure while your other hand went up to stroke at his spike lazily. The result of your combined actions had Swerve clawing at the sheets, his intake falling open as he gasped and mewled out so many words you couldn’t tell what he was saying until it was too late. 

Warm fluid gushed over your face as he overloaded while you were still tongue deep in his valve. His spike throbbed in your hand as you felt more transfluid land in your hair and shoulder. 

“FRAG- Ah- hah…!” Swerve whined as his frame trembled through the aftershocks. “Oh slag im so sorry!” His visor came back online just in time to witness your mouth and jaw covered in dripping pink fluids.

You licked your lips and wiped your face with your shirt before taking it off and tossing it aside. “Hey.. hey no worries. It’s okay. You’re okay.” You kissed his cheek, patting his thigh softly. “You did amazing. I’m so glad I could make you feel good.” 

Swerve let out another high whine, seeing your chest bare before him. He slowly raised his servos to graze the flesh around your nipples. You sighed softly and raised your hands to press his servos more firmly to your skin. Swerve was still panting from his previous overload but he leaned in to press his lips gently against your sternum. His servos wandered up to press and massage at your nipples, circling them like you did to his node earlier. Your back arched, pushing your chest further into his servos as your mouth fell open softly. Swerve looked up at you, visor glowing with excitement and awe. “You’re stunning. I mean- frag, look at you, coated with my overload. Mine…” He breathed out, eyes trailing down your body to rest at your pants. He seemed to swallow before shakily continuing. “D-Do you still want me t-to..you know.. t-”

“I still want you to fuck me, Swerve.” You finished for him, moving your hands to swiftly undo the buttons of your pants, pulling off your undergarments at the same time and tossing them behind you. You grabbed onto his wrist and guided his fingers up towards your wet folds. Swerve got the hint and gently worked one finger into the tight heat of your cunt. He could feel the gentle pulse and pull of your walls around his digit, and he could barely imagine what it would feel like around his spike. After he felt you loosen up a bit, he slid in a second digit. You let out a gasp and a soft groan at the stretch, knowing that this was just the beginning if you wanted to be prepared to take his spike. 

Swerve gently curled and flexed his digits, exploring your sex thoroughly as his processor worked overtime to memorize which movements felt the best for you. His audials turned to max sensitivity to be sure he could hear every whine and murmur of praise that fell from your lips. He could feel the second rush of energon repressurising his spike the more he pumped his digits into you. You glanced down between the both of you to smirk at his array before leaning in and pressing another kiss to his jaw.

“Awh, look at you,” You cooed, lifting your hips up to grind the tip of his spike against your clit. Swerve let out a strained whine as his hips bucked up involuntarily. Your smirk only grew. “You’re such a pretty mech for me.”

“Hnf s-stop…” Swerve whispered bashfully, turning his helm away as energon rushed to his faceplates once more.

“I mean it.” You continued, slowly easing yourself down on his spike as you guided his gaze to meet yours. Swerve’s intake fell open and his spinal struts arched as your body enveloped his length. His servos flew to your hips when he finally bottomed out inside you. The heat of your cunt pressed upon every sensor and node on his spike with such certainty that he could barely concentrate on your words. 

“Hhoh fraggghh, how are you s-so- so-ooHHFRAG-” Swerve had started to speak but you decided that now was the time to lift your hips and slam yourself back down. You started to ride the mech like an animal, your hips popping up halfway only to quickly push him back inside. Swerve let out a chorus of moans and yelps as his servos twitched against the soft plush of your thighs, squeezing every now and then to ground himself. It wasn’t until your legs started to burn that you were reminded of something. You quickly stopped your movements and grinned down at Swerve as he abruptly gasped and looked at you with a beautiful expression of desperation. 

“Wh-why- why’dya stop?” Swerve asked, his speech slurred from the sudden absence of pleasure.

“Sorry, but I just remembered that you’re the one who’s supposed to be fucking me.” You pulled yourself off of his spike and he let out a pathetic mewl at the loss of your body. His pout was quickly wiped from his face when he witnessed you getting down on all fours and slyly shaking your hips at him. You turned to smirk over your shoulder at him as he gawked at you. Not another second had passed before Swerve was on top of you, his spike easily finding its way back into your slick folds. He started pounding into you, the weight of his body pressing down nicely on your back as he mounted you.

“Mnh, there you go, good boy Swerve.” You moaned out as his spike pistoned in and out of you, shoving your body into the mattress. Swerve was brought to a mindless ramble as your pussy sucked him in deeper and tightened around him.

“Ahfraggingprimusyouretight-“ Swerve whimpered as you clenched around him harder. Your body trembled as you felt his spike throb inside you. Swerve hovered over you, intertwining his servos over your fingers as he thrust into you rapidly. “F-Frag, ____ I’m not gonna l-last much longer-“

“Good, keep going. I want you to fill me with your transfluid. Overload in me like the good mech you are.” You grinned against the mattress, turning to look at him smugly, reaching down between your legs to rub at your clit. Swerve leaned down to mewl and whine against the back of your neck as he chased his own pleasure, pushing your hips further up with every pump of his hips. 

“Fuck, Swerve- I’m-!“ You felt your eyes roll back at the drag of his thickness against your walls and you let out a filthy moan as you hit your climax. You felt the slick of your cum coat his panels as your sex tightened  around him. The whimper that left his vocalizer was angelic as he let his spike empty itself within you. Thick ropes of transfluid coated your insides, the warm sensation of sheer fullness bringing you back down from your high. Your body continued to pulse around his spike, milking him of the last of his overload as he gave a few final lazy thrusts. 

The two of you lay there panting for a while before he slowly pulled out of you, watching in awe as his cum started to slide down your thighs. You slowly turned and sat up, feeling your combined fluids seeping out of you and onto the sheets. 

“Ah… that was… let me get you a towel.” Swerve gasped, stepping to the closet to grab a towel to wipe you down with, wetting it with warm water before gently cleaning you. He lifted and placed you on the other side of the bed, putting the used towel over the wet spot after cleaning and closing his panels. 

You stared at the red and white mech with unveiled adoration as he finally sat next to you again. You leaned in and peppered his face with kisses as he gently rubbed your thigh. 

“Swerve, you do know how to keep your mouth shut about some things, right?” You murmured sleepily, hoping the bartender could keep his mouth shut for at least a week or two before word got out that the human is a mechfucker.

“Uhuh, yeah. Definitely.” Swerve nodded with determination. You sighed with a small smile, already accepting that your next appearance in the bar would not be the same after this.

[outsideratheart]

Bees land on the prettiest flowers (Lia Wälti x reader)

A/N: A Lia fic? You’re just a surprised as I am. Also, 10 points to the first person that can tell what tv show a scene in the fic is from.

After the rush of the summer that was the World Cup and the devastation that came with crashing out the champions league before it even began, you found the air around Adidas' HQ in Germany quite refreshing. It would be your home for the next couple of weeks as you and the rest of the team focus on preparing for the upcoming season.

You had a plan this year, one which you was determined to follow if you stayed healthy. Something that wasn't part of this plan was Lia Walti. 

The swiss woman caught your eye the moment she step foot in Colney yet despite the encouragement you got from your team mates and the urge to ask her out, you couldn't, in fact you would go so far as to say you bailed at every opportunity. By the time you were ready it was too late because she started dating Caitlin and you knew you couldn't let your selfishness get in the way of her happiness. It’s why you put Lia in the what if box in your head and sealed it shut. Only now the light started to shine through the box and the reason for that was because Lia and Caitlin had broken up.

It seemed that the higher powers had given you another chance but a lot had changed over the past couple of years. You and your heart wasn't the same and you weren't sure if you were ready to care about someone on a deep level.

A knock on the door brought you out of your daydreaming and as you opened it you saw Lia stood on the other side with a nervous expression on her face.

"Hello you, come in" you step aside allowing enough space for the Swiss to enter.

"Actually I was hoping you'd come out"

You both knew what she meant but the way she phrased it causes you both to burst into laughter. Once you both catch you breath Lia rephrases her sentence.

"Would you like to go for a walk with me?" Lia asks still standing on the threshold.

Her intentions wasn’t clear but you couldn’t turn down one on one time with her. The feelings that you once felt were still there, they were simply buried down deep. 

“Sure, let me grab a hoodie and we’ll go”

“There’s no need for a hoodie. I haven’t got one” 

That she hadn’t. Lia was dress is a pair of sweatshorts and a tank top. If her attire was anything to go by then it was a nice evening outside. 

The weather was perfect. Not too warm but not too hot. The sky was pink but turning into a burnt orange and here you were with one of the most beautiful girls you have ever met. It made you wonder what you did in your past life that allowed to have a moment like this. 

You walked past the pool saying hi the players that were watching a movie. Those on the loungers knew better than to tease you so they left you be but made a mental note to ask you about it later. 

You knew Lia well almost too well because as you walked you saw her chest rise and fall but it would hitch before it falls, she was hesitating. Another tell of this was the way she opened and closed her mouth unaware that you could see the action out the corner of your eye. 

It is when you walked through the perfectly maintained garden area that you decide to confront her about it. You could smell the fresh roses and you got distracted by the bright colours of each flower but it only lasted a second then your attention returns to Lia. 

“What going on that head of yours?” You ask as you both stand admiring the lilies.  

Lia is about to respond but the buzzing of a bee causes you to freeze. Your heartbeat doubles in pace as you watch the yellow and black insect land on her exposed chest. 

“Don’t move. Stand still” you beg her. 

“Y/N, what are you doing?” 

Lia follows your eyes which are fixed on her chest. There she sees the reason for you concern yet she doesn’t have the same response. This alone lets her swat away the bee with no hesitation. 

“No! Don’t do that” the desperation in your voice and the panic in your eyes scares Lia more than the possibility of a bee sting. 

“It’s only a bee” 

Lia’s actions had clearly agitated the insect and you hear a buzz at a high volume before it flew away. 

“Ow” Lia says calmly.

“Are you ok? Can you breathe?” You asked her but it was your shortness of breathe that was an issue. 

“It’s only a sting”

“Are you sure?”

Fear consumes you as memories of the past flood your mind. Your chest feels like it’s on fire and you try and fail to bring your breathing back to a steady pace. 

Lia can tell immediately that something is very wrong. In hopes of calming you down she takes your hand and holds it over the sting on her chest. She then takes her own hand holds it over your chest. It forms a connection between the two of you. 

“I’m ok Y/N. It’s just a bee”

“Don’t say that!” Your concern was replaced with anger because Lia refused to see the severity of the situation “go get checked out by the doctor. Now” 

You felt helpless and you knew you were no longer in control of your emotions. You needed to leave even if your heart wanted to stay with Lia. 

The Swiss had no option other than to watch you walk away. She wanted to go after you but your words are loud in her head. She knew it was best for her to go see the team doctor.  

As she walked back into the facility, Lia tried to make sense of your reaction. Never had she seen you react like that and even though she saw it first hand she could believe it herself. 

“Did you enjoy your date?” Beth teases. 

“It wasn’t a date. I just wanted some alone time with Y/N” Lia corrects the blonde forward. 

“Isn’t that the definition of a date?” Jen adds. 

“It doesn’t matter now. She ran off and left me by the flower beds” 

This made no sense to anyone at the table especially the two blondes who you play with on the national team with. 

“What happened?” Leah asks. 

“We went for a walk and ended up in the gardens. I was nervous, she picked up on it and I thought she was going to ask me about it but then there was a bee and she freaked out. I think she was having a panic attack and it only got worse when it stung me” 

“You got stung by a bee while Y/N was next to you?” Beth asked. She made eye contact with Leah who nodded her head, the defender would go check on you whilst Beth made sure the Lia was ok. 

Leah stood in front of your door taking a couple of seconds to figure out how to handle the situation. She remembers the moment you showed up on her doorstep and went on to tell her that you had just experienced the worst day of your life. 

She used her room key given that you were sharing for the trip and the sight she is met with isn’t one she could prepare for. You are laid on your bed in a fetus position. Your eyes are dry but the puffiness in your face told Leah that you had been crying. 

“Y/N” she speaks in a hushed tone. 

“Lia’s going to die, isn’t she?” 

To anyone outside your immediate family that which included a handful of your England team mates, they would have called you dramatic. Leah was one of the select few which understand why your mind went to worse case scenario. 

“She’s fine”

“I thought my dad was fine next thing I know I had these two fingers on his neck trying to find a pulse” you hold up middle and index finger. 

“Y/N what happened to your dad was devastating. Nobody knew he was allergic”

“And you don’t know that Lia isn’t. I was the reason my dad died and now I’m going to be the reason she dies”

“It’s wasn’t your fault” Leah sit nexts to you on the bed “As for Lia, she is ok. She came back in to us and was going to see the doctor. Something that I’m guessing was your idea” 

You nod your head. Your worrying stopped for a mere second knowing that Lia had listened to you and was hopefully getting the help she needed. 

“Y/N you like Lia and have done for a while. You told her to go see the doctor but didn’t go with her, why?” 

“I didn’t want to see her in pain” 

“She isn’t in pain. Come with me and I’ll show you. We don’t have to talk to anyone but you need to see with your own eyes that she is ok”

Reluctantly, you agree and follow Leah through the halls of the HQ. Each step you take feels heavier than the last because in your mind you have seen how this story ends and you don’t want to see it, not again. So you took your time, you pretended to check in every room that you passed even though the blonde beside you knew exactly where the Swiss was.

Turns out Lia was in the exact same position as when Leah left her only now she has a white patch where the bee had stung her and she had some company. Out of the players one stood out to you; Caitlin.

You and Leah stood at the entry way. Just as Leah was about to walk towards the table you pulled her back.

“What? She’s fine, look” Leah tried to pull you towards your team mates despite her prior statement about not talking to anyone.

“She’s fine — with Caitlin” you could see Lia was ok but you couldn’t bring your self to watch her interact with the Aussie even if they were no longer together.

Knowing that Lia wasn’t going to face the same fate as your father lifted the crushing weight off your chest. You walked with no destination in mind. You didn’t want to go back to your room so you settle on a sun lounger by the pool. A staff member asking if you want to play the next movie the team had lined up and you saw no reason not to; a movie by the pool didn’t sound too bad.

Pitch perfect played but whilst your eyes were glued to the project screen, your mind felt like it was a million miles away. That is until you see a shadow cast over the lounger you were sitting on.

“Do you mind if I sit?” Lia asks.

You had chose a double lounger so you didn’t have an excuse not let her. 

“Ok” your voice is quiet and although you don’t turn to face her, you do pat the side next to you.

The two of you watch the movie. The only sound to be heard is when you both laugh at the same part.

“Are you really ok?” You ask, still with your eyes on the screen.

“I am. Thank you for making me getting checked out, I wish you would have come with me”

When you turn you see that Lia is already looking in your direction.

“I — I”

“You were mad at me” Lia thinks she is finishing your sentence and but you been mad at her wasn’t the issue.

“I was scared” you take a pause because you know the only way for Lia to understand your reaction is for you to explain why seeing her get stung by a bee worried you so much “My dad was stung by a bee”

“And he was ok” Lia said, always the optimist.

“He went into anaphylactic shock. I didn’t know what to do and by the time I did it was too late. He died in the botanical gardens near my house”

“Y/N I didn’t know. Is that why you panicked? Because you thought the same thing that happened to your dad was going to happen to me?”

You can only nod. The admission itself brings back the worry that you had only just managed to settle. 

In a similar way to how she did in the gardens, Lia reaches for your hand and places it over the patch. She pulls it a little so that you weight shift and your head in now resting on her shoulder.

“I’m ok. I went to the doctor, he asked me a couple of questions, cleaned the sting and gave me the all clear”

Silence yet again becomes the third wheel to the movie night you are Lia are accidentally having.

“I don’t want to lose you. It’s already happened once and now I’m just getting you back” you admit.

“Y/N I’m not going anywhere. There’s a reason why I wanted to take a walk with you, why I wanted to spend time with you and only you”

“Because you want us to be friends, like we were before”

“I never wanted us to be friends. Life got in the way and I spent too much time loving the wrong person when I knew she wasn’t the one I wanted to be with”

You knew what she was insinuating, the context wasn’t hard to decrypt. 

“Am I that one?” You needed to hear her say it so that you knew this moment wasn’t a dream.

“You are but I know now more than ever that your heart is still healing so we’ll go at your pace”

How do you reply to that without opening an emotional can of worms? After thinking for a few seconds you decide not to say anything at all. Instead you turn deeper into her so that your head is resting on her chest, close enough so that you can hear her heart beat, her healthy heart beat. 

[soapskneebrace]

Obviously if your asks aren’t open then feel free to disregard this- (love your work btw I just- I cant- 🥰)

Do you think they keep the dog tags *ON* during sex? How do you think they’d wear them during it? Would they have you wear them?

You don’t HAVE to answer for each individual character obviously if you would rather just do it as a whole or just one that’s fine! Whatever works for you 💕

*cracks knuckles* I’ll do ‘em all. (Sorry for the long post, I’ll put it under a readmore when I get home 🙏)

Do the Tags Stay on in Bed?

Ghost wears his tags because, like the mask, they just don't ever come off. He is two people when he is with you--Ghost is the creature that can protect you, that can do the things Simon Riley would have been too weak for when it comes to your safety. But Simon is the man that could have loved you properly. Simon is the man Ghost believes could make you coffee in the morning, could rub your neck at the end of a long day.

It isn't initially why he wears his tags when he fucks you, but it is now--Ghost holds you in an iron grip, looms over you as he thrusts into you hard enough to bang the headboard against the wall, and feels the tags with a dead man's name clink against his chest. They remind him that you deserve whatever is left of the man who would have been far better for you than Ghost ever could be.

Soap wears his tags fully out of pride. The SAS is his life, is a massive part of his identity, and while he knows not every mission he's sent on is wholly for the good, he holds onto his conviction to act with integrity and compassion no matter what. The SAS might not always do good, but he will, as much as he can.

He wants you to be proud of him, too--he's really doing it all for you, after all. When those tags hang between you as your legs are wrapped around his waist, as they come to rest on your chest when he leans down to kiss you, he wants you to know that when he wears them he's thinking of you.

Gaz has no preference, but more often than not they stay on because he forgets to take them off. Usually, it's because the moment you're both free with enough time to actually have sex, he isn't going to bother with silly things like getting completely undressed--he wants you, now.

So, they've whacked you in the face a couple times as the two of you have gone at it. It's too funny to get mad at, and Gaz always uses it as an excuse to "make it up to you." Sometimes he'll take them off, too, and put them around your neck instead. "Keep 'em safe for me, eh?" he says with a grin.

Price takes his tags off. Over 20 years of service have left him wanting something that exists apart from violence and bloodshed, and every moment he spends with you is that something. He doesn't want to be the Captain with you, not unless he has to be--putting his tags aside gives him permission to just be John with you.

Besides, they'd get in the way. John does his very, very best to please you, to satisfy you beyond any expectation you may have of him, and sometimes that leaves you needing to bite down on his neck to keep from screaming. You’d probably not prefer to break a tooth on the tags’ chain.

Alejandro also takes his tags off, although it’s less about keeping work and pleasure separate and more about the annoyance they can be. When he is with you, Alejo is focused wholly on you, and does not appreciate distractions of any sort. He doesn’t want to have to fling his tags around to get them out of the way, or let them hang to be caught on an errant foot or wrist.

He does, however, love to see you wear them. It’s totally a possessive thing, but in the best way—Alejo worships the ground you walk on, and seeing his name around your neck inspires the same awe usually reserved for the divine. He thinks you could have anyone you wanted, and is humbled daily that you continue to choose him.

Rudy doesn’t care either way if the tags are on or off, and if the topic ever comes up he leaves that up to you. It’s an attitude that is very in-character—Rudy’s satisfaction comes from ensuring that you are satisfied, no matter what. Rudy’s love language, hands down, is acts of service.

Similarly to Alejo, however, he does enjoy seeing you wear his tags. “They belong to you anyway, mi vida,” he’ll tell you, lining your neck with gentle kisses. “All of me does.” (He has been known, however, to forget where he puts them if they do come off. So it’s probably better if they stay on.)

Bonus: Valeria gave hers to you a long time ago. She asks very frequently to see them, to make sure you keep them with you at all times. She promised herself she would never, ever carry their weight again, but she also can’t quite bear to throw them away, so now they stay with the only person in the world that she trusts.

If you wear them to bed, it will inspire a frenzy in her that will leave you limping the next morning. Those tags are a past version of her, a version she emerged from like a snake shedding its skin. While she is never sure how to feel about that previous self, seeing you take care its vestiges satisfies an ache in Valeria that she will never acknowledge.

Bonus: Graves has mixed feelings about his tags overall, being that he is technically not required to wear them anymore. They don’t mean the same thing to him now that they used to. That doesn’t mean they aren’t always on him, of course—he keeps them tucked into his boots. So you never see them.

If you were to ever find them, bring them into the bedroom? It could go one of two ways. On the one hand, you could end up benefitting short-term from the frustrated agitation those tags inspire, with Graves using your body to relieve an old, invisible hurt you never knew about. He will withdraw from you afterwords, though, too caught up in himself to really connect with. On the other, he could just withdraw immediately, recede from you, and the tension of that encounter will linger for days. It’s best not to involve his tags at all.

[credince--writes]

Hands (1)

God, you dream of those hands.

Original Prompt:

Size Kink & Breeding Kink with Konig.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - AO3

Konig x Fem! Reader

(A/N): I accidentally fuckin deleted the original post while trying to add links to the other 2 chapters, so reposting LMAO. I'M SO SAD BC IT WAS ONE OF MY BEST PREFORMING POSTS.

Honestly? It started in a very innocent way.

"I'm taking off your gloves."

He sat in front of you, tapping his foot on the cold tile. Currently under the attention of you from the intended use of his hands in combat.

Which is why you were inspecting for broken knuckles.

Most of his gear had been taken off, set aside along with the hood that donned his head on missions. Now, you were pulling the gloved that clung to the asking of his hands off. Inspecting the pale skin beneath them.

"You know, I'm starting to think you do dumb shit like this on purpose." You glance up at him.

"I'd never." He replied.

"Because I'm lookin' at these hands, and I'm seeing a whole lot of unnecessary bruising."

"It was necessary."

You quirked a brow.

"You just, happen to lose your gun there soldier?" You pulled back, leaning back against your seat and shooting him an amused glance.

"Sometimes, things are better done by hand."

"mmhm." You mumbled.

Eyes trailed up his hands, finding stray scars and following the veins leading up to his forearms.

Man,

those were some big hands.

"Is everything alright, doctor?" He asks, amusement twirling around in his eyes, sparking out in his voice.

Maybe he was catching on to your oogling.

"Just making sure nothing broken. Can't imagine it would be fun to work with broken fingers."

"Nein."

"This hurt?" You ask.

"Nein."

"Then you're fine. I'll give you some meds and send you off on your way."

"Danke!" He shot up, clamping a hand down on your shoulder, man near enveloping your entire left side.

You started to imagine what it would be like if that big hand wrapped around your neck.

"Be careful, please."

"Of course." He shot a sideways, toothy grin. The side that his nose crooked over to and the side with the one crooked canine that made him look like a dog ready to chase a bone.

He turned, starting to walk away.

"You know, König." You stated. He stopped a turned around. "If you want to visit me, you don't need to have an injury."

His eyebrows raised, and you could swear there was a blush that tinted his cheeks. "I'll consider that for next time."

Before turning and leaving.

And he did visit you.

One visit turned into two.

Then four.

Then he just popped in so often while he was not on a mission he became part of your routine.

Have a cup of coffee with König in the morning, maybe even join him for dinner and enjoy it in the sanctity of your quiet and private office.

Just so happened that the longer you spent with him the more your thoughts were clouded.

His hands,

his thighs,

fuck, you can't even imagine how big his cock would be.

You'd like to think you were better than this.

Pressed up in your shower thinking about the huge man, wondering what his bare chest would feel like curling up over your back.

You closed your eyes, trying to picture just how good it would feel.

It would be right after he comes back from a mission, the dark look in his eyes still clouding his consciousness as he's still in the mindset of a soldier, a killer.

His steps would be heavier- you'd hear him walk into the bathroom, the rustling of clothing as he strips the cloth covering his flesh discarded down to the ground without a second thought.

He'd slip into the shower, with your head placed under the stream of hot water. Almost comically so, his head would be unable to reach the stream of water without immensely bending at the knees.

You'd hum, leaning back into him as he'd reach his arm around your waist, pulling your wet body closer to his. Head dropping down for his mouth to latch onto the nape of your neck, biting and sucking on the sensitive skin.

Gasping throwing your head back farther and allowing it to bump against his shoulder, letting out a light whine that he'd love to harvest from your throat.

One hand would drift down, widening his palm as it flattened and slid down your tummy, nearly covering the expanse of your abdomen before it dipped down, lower.

His other hand would grab your chin, pulling your head back to meet into a feverish kiss. Pressing your back up against the cold wall of the shower, holding it up against it.

On a normal occasion, you'd be terrified to slip, but you just know with his arm slinked around over you waist toying dangerously close to your cunt that there was no chance of slipping.

No chance of him letting you go.

A digit would brush up through your folds collecting the slippery production of your arousal, dragging his finger ever so carefully up until it traced around your clit. Circling it, dangerously so.

Applying pressure as the rough pad of his finger pushed against your clit, mouth devouring any noises you let out.

It hurt, in a way.

One that was so delicious you only wanted more.

His large finger pressing down on your clit felt heavenly, the feeling of his tongue pushing against yours as you swapped spit in the most degenerating fashion.

Your hips unconsciously pushed forward against his hand, bucking as he pressed you firmly against the wall.

He'd tsk, giving you a light scolding before removing his mouth from yours completely, allowing a thin strand of spit to cast its way from him lips to yours.

God.

You could just die.

He'd snicker, that snicker that made his lip quirk upward revealing his crooked tooth. All before he'd lean in and ask,

"What do you want me to do, Schatz?"

"Fuckkkk." You'd whine, letting your head bump against the shower wall. "Please." You'd whisper out.

"Hm?" He'd ask, still toying his finger around your clit.

"Finger me- fuck, please. Please finger me."

His finger would leave your clit, diving back down and just barely poking into your entrance.

The digit was long and thick- it felt like nearly two of your own being stuffed inside you. Even more so as the single digit could curl up in such a delectable manner pressing up against the spongey roof of your core.

You'd breathe harshly, ducking your head up against his neck and arm gripping at the expanse of his back and nails digging into the pale and freckled flesh.

He'd add a second digit, and you felt like you were on cloud nine.

No,

You felt like you were on cloud nine as he removed his free hand from you, bringing it down and rubbing on your clit as his other hand pumped mechanically in and out of you, curling his fingers forward and circling the pad of his finger against your clit.

It would feel like your legs would give out first, but he'd keep you upright as you came, his mouth would latch onto yours. Shoving his tongue into your mouth claiming you in the best way possible.

Body draped over yours, his large hands pleasing you to the point of competition-

Blinking, you realized there was no man draped behind you.

The water in the shower had run cold a long time ago, but the pleasant buzz in your head from your shameful masturbation numbed any embarrassment for a few moments.

You sighed, turning off the water and glancing down at your fingers.

For now? Thinking of his large hands would have to do.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Dirty Work 36

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.

Characters: Loki

Note: we made it to friday so yall can eat up.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

You hold back another yawn, your cheeks puffing out as you flutter your lashes. Odin tilts his head as he props his chin into his hand. He grins, "I've worn you out."

"No, I..." you try to roll the fatigue off your shoulders, "I'm okay."

"Don't trouble yourself," he stands, "dear, you go get some sleep. I've kept you a while."

You rise hesitantly as he comes around the desk, "I don't mind."

"Oh, you say that a lot, perhaps you should mind," he turns you to the door with hand on your back, "it isn't so bad to say what you want. Or don't want."

"I wasn't..."

"I am not reprimanding you. I am giving you advice," he opens the door, "but I expect no one's ever listened when you did say so."

You look down meekly and shrug, "well, I could... speak up."

"And you blame yourself," he says, "you deserve kindness. Especially from you." He rubs your back and nudges you ahead, "go on, I won't keep you any longer."

"Thank you, Odin," you smile, almost teary-eyed. You're just tired.

"Good night, dear," he says as you step into the hallway.

You turn back to return the nicety. He leans on the door as he eases it towards the frame, pausing before he closes it fully, "should you fancy another chocolate, you know where to find them."

You thank him again and he shuts the door. You turn down the hallway and stop short. You're not alone. Mr. Laufeyson has a hand on the doors to your room as he leans on one foot, a toe dug into the rug as he narrows his sights at you.

"There you are," he greets curtly.

"Mr. Laufeyson," you scurry forward, "I'm sorry, I was only--"

"With my father, yes, I can hear," he interjects, "you sound like you get along."

"I... I think so. He was very nice."

"Was he?" He scoffs and twists a door handle, swinging the door open, "get inside."

You bow your head and swiftly enter. He follows, the lock clicking loudly behind you. You turn and hug yourself as you watch him pace before the doors.

"He invited me-- I didn't--"

"Yes, yes, my father is demanding, don't I know it," he snips, "you think I am unhappy because of that?"

"I don't... I don't know, Mr. Laufeyson," you murmur.

"I am not unhappy," he insists as he stops, jabbing a finger upwards, "I was only waiting a rather long time for you to appear."

"I'm sorry," you repeat.

"My room is the next, to the right as you emerge," he explains, "so it isn't very far." He shrugs and tucks his hands into his pockets. You notice his shoulders, how he holds them rigidly. He's tense. "Did you encounter anyone else, then? My brother?"

"No," you shake your head vehemently, "only Odin. Your father, sir."

"Hm, fortunate," he remarks, "I shouldn't have left you but I thought my mother would keep a close eye."

"She did, I only... was tired and came up here."

"Tired," he nods, "certainly, me too."

You stand in silence. His tone softens with his last words, as if you can hear the weariness in him. You can see it in his eyes. After all, he did drive for hours.

He exhales and strolls forward. You move aside as he nears the foot of the bed and sits. He leans his head back and closes his eyes. He runs his hands over his face and groans.

He leans forward and rests his elbows on his legs. He slumps there, silently glaring at the floor. If something is wrong, he refuses to say it. Maybe it's this place. You know well how home can fill you with dread.

You move slowly around, hesitant and unsure. You near the side of the bed. He doesn't flinch as your weight dips into the mattress. You don't know what you're doing, you're not sure if you should.

You walk on your knees across the bed and place your hands on his shoulders. You feel the tension wrought in him. You squeeze and knead, uncertain. You never done this before.

He sits up but you keep your hands on him.

"What are you doing?" He growls as he cranes his head.

"You uh... a... massage?" You offer dumbly, "you were in the car all day and... I thought."

"Mmm," he turns forward again, letting his elbows once more rest on his thighs, "you may go on.”

You shift, trying to get a better hold on him. You feel the tightness nestling in the muscles along his neck. You follow the natural grooves of his muscles with your fingertips, encouraged only by his groans 

“Pet…” his voice is as weak as you've ever heard it.

You let up, tickling down so he shivers, then quickly work the knots again. The busy work of your hands keep your nerves from boiling over. He puffs out and lifts his head, pushing it back.

“Where has this come from?” He asks in a wisp.

“I… don't know,” you answer honestly.

He straightens and picks at his collar. He unbuttons his shirt and sheds it as you withdraw your touch. He reveals his bare skin and jostles on the mattress, planting himself firmly.

You touch him again. His warmth seeps into you as goosebumps prickle his skin. The tender calm of the moment has you speechless.

“Yesss,” he purrs, once more bowing his head. “Pet…” he grips his thighs.

You run your fingertips further down his back and drive your thumbs into the muscles along his sides. He growls and you ease up, scared you might have hurt him. He reaches back, pointing over his shoulder.

“Like that,” he directs, “I can take it.”

You obey. You aren't used to be so rough. Everything you do is with a degree of fear. Your hands are never forceful or firm.

He sighs and snarls. You drag your hands up and back down again. He shivers again and stands suddenly, frightening you. You sit back on your heels and stare at him.

“Did I…”

“You,” he wiggles a finger at you.

“What?”

He shakes his head and steps towards the bed. He beckons you closer. You inch forward on your knees. He grabs your blouse, quickly pulling it out of your skirt. He peels it up and you barely get your arms up before they're tangled in the fabric.

He strips away the fabric and snakes his arms around you to unhook your bra. You kneel before him paralysed as he undresses you to the waist. His eyes are smoky as he takes you in.

“Down,” he points to the mattress, “on your stomach.”

You lower yourself down as you slide back. You bend your arms up around your head and put your cheek to the blanket. He skirts around and climbs over the side, straddling you beneath him. He rests his knuckles between your shoulder blades as you curl your fingertips against the covers.

He pushes down into the muscles and you squeak. He leans his weight into his tending, tracing his thumbs down your flesh. You gasp as you feel tension slake from your muscles, tightness you never even noticed.

His long fingers explore your naked back, framing your hips as he kneads. You mewl, unable to stem the release as it rolls from your throat. He snickers and keeps his hands working.

You close your eyes, melting under his touch. He is much better than you, more confident. He must have done this before, maybe with his wife. Maybe it was even romantic, with candles and rose petals. 

He tickles along your sides and sets his hands on the mattress. He lowers himself over you and presses against your bottom, chafing the raw skin beneath your skirt. You moan as his hard length rest firmly against you.

He brings a hand under your chin, lifting your head as he keeps it twisted. He angles to press his lips to yours. He kisses you sloppily as his other arm hooks beneath you. He gropes your bare chest, his thumb flicking over your budded nipple.

“Pet,” he parts with a groan before once more devouring you.

He rocks atop you as his breath hitches. Your heart beats wildly as you brace the bed, arching awkwardly to meet his hungry kisses. His lips trails along your cheek and down the side of your neck. He nuzzles your neck and bites into the muscles along your shoulder. You cry out at the pinch.

“I could have you just like this,” he breathes against your skin, his hips still tilting. “Is that what you want, hm? Is that your trick, pet?”

“Trick?” You eke out, “what do you–”

He lifts himself and flips you over harshly. You bounce on your back and yipe. He grabs your wrists, pinning them above your head.

“You’re trying to distract me,” he accuses, “what did you and my father speak of, him?”

His muscles pull taught under his skin straining in his chest as he leans over you. You whimper and squirm, kicking your feet as his grip aches in your wrists. What have you done?

“Mr. Laufeyson, please, I wasn’t… we didn’t…”

“Tell me,” he demands.

You bat your lashes, “he… he gave me some chocolate.”

“Chocolate?” He echoes derisively.

“Yeah…” you croak, “he… he asked me what music I like. And if I read–” your voice crackles.

“And what did he say of me?” He hisses.

“N-nothing,” you sniff, “I swear.”

“And what did you say of me?”

“Nothing,” you repeat. “Please.”

He narrows his eyes and curls his lips, “hm, I believe you. You’re not clever enough to lie that well.”

He lets you go and sits up on his knees. He looks down on you, his eyes slowly trailing down to your exposed chest. You lay, paralysed and prone. A knock comes at the door, jolting both of you.

“Darling,” Frigga’s voice wafts through, “is everything alright?”

Your eyes round as Laufeyson scowls. He shakes his head and huffs, pushing off of you. He climbs off the bed and swipes up your blouse, tossing it at you.

“Get rid of her,” he hisses.

You grab the shirt and throw it over your head. You stand as he retreats into the bathroom, closing the door only halfway. You go to the door as you tug the blouse straight.

“Everything’s alright,” you say through the wood.

“Are you sure, dear?” She tries the handle.

You peek back and gulp. You flip back the lock and push down on the handle, inching back the door until you can see through, “yeah, I was getting changed and… I couldn’t find something. Think I forgot it.”

“Oh, well, if you need, you can always borrow from me,” she offers.

“Nothing important,” you insist, “thanks. I’m just about to lay down.”

“Of course, honey, so sorry to disturb.”

“No worries,” you smile and gently shut the door. Your hand lingers and you gently turn the lock back into place.

“Perhaps I was mistaken,” Laufeyson emerges, “that was rather convincing.”

“Mr. Laufeyson,” you murmur, “I wouldn’t lie to you–”

“Certainly you wouldn’t,” he sneers.

You flutter your fingers at your side and teeter on your toes. He goes back to the bed as he undoes his fly. You furrow your brow and stare past him at the wall. What is he doing?

He drops his pants and kicks them away, “well, undress.”

Your heart leaps and thumps violently. Your hands tremble as you lift the blouse again. You let it drift to the floor and touch the top of your skirt. Is he… going to do it? Are you? Both of you?

You look down, opening and closing your mouth as your jaw threatens to lock up. Your ears feel ready to pop. You feel along your skirt and unzip the back. It slackens and you wiggle free of the fabric. You roll down your panties and watch them fall to your ankles. You step out of the fabric, only in your stockings as the bed frame softly creaks.

You dip a finger under the top of your thigh-highs and Laufeyson growls. You peek up, frozen, and find him watching you. He’s completely naked, his hand around his dick as he tilts his head.

“Keep those on,” he commands, “come here.”

You stand straight and pad towards him. You reach forward tentatively and climb up onto the bed. He gestures you closer and you stretch out next to him. He curls an arm around you and settles you in.

He drags his hand from his arousal and trails over your thigh, along your hip, and up your side. You quiver as he cups your chest and leans in to kiss you. He fondles you, tweaking and squeezing, groaning into your mouth as his tongue delves further.

He draws a line up your chest and across your shoulder. He brushes down your arm and takes your hand. He pulls it toward him and circles it around his length. He snarls as he squeezes your grasp tight on him, guiding it up then down. As he lets go, you continue to pump him.

He continues to smother you as his fingers tickle the vee of your pelvis. He dips down and touches the patch of hair there. He urges his fingers between your folds, sliding along the slickness gathering there. You squeak as he plays with you.

You work your hand in tandem with him. You match his rhythm as he toys with you, swirling then pushing his fingers back, only to spread your wetness around. Each time his fingers poke back, he gets closer to your entrance.

You lift your leg, opening yourself to him as a storm brews in you. You shudder as you grip him tighter. He groans again, the rocky noise sending a thrill through you. He rubs you fast and glides back again. He pokes against you, bending his fingers and dips a fingertip into you.

You gasp and pull away from his mouth. He catches the back of your head in his hand and eases you down to your back. He stays close, leaning over you, as slips his finger in deeper. You whine and he hushes you.

“Pet, relax,” he coos, pulling his finger in and out. Your bite down on your lip, your hand still as the shock of his intrusion stuns you. “Does that feel nice?”

You can’t speak. You don’t know. It feels… different. Tingly and hot but cold at the same time. He presses the heel of his hand against you, pressure flurrying beneath his touch. He rocks his hand as you splay, your grasp slipping from him and circling around his wrist.

“Pet…” he presses his nose to your temple, breathing down your cheek, “don’t tell me you’re going to cum?”

You whimper and curl your fingers tighter. He shakes his hand and you sink into the mattress. Breath mewls escape your lips.

“Tell me then,” he slithers, “tell me when you cum.”

Your eyes roll back and your head lolls. You puff out through a pout. Your chest thrums and your core swells. You feel the peak ahead, just within reach. Your thighs clench and tremble, the muscles uncoiling all at once as you cry out.

“Tell me…” he growls.

You choke as you spasm, “cum– I’m— cumming.”

“Yes,” he coaxes as he fucks you with his finger, “yes, pet, say it.”

“Cumminggggg,” your voice unravels, “oh–”

“Say it, say my name,” he growls.

“Mr.--”

“Loki,” he demands, “say it…”

“Loki!” you whine, “Lo-ki…”

“Mmm, yes, what a good little pet,” he drags his nose around your cheek, “my pet, yes? All mine.’

[calypsocolada]

WINNER WINNER | r. zoro

(click here for part two)

synopsis: a stoic swordsman helps you figure out what your type is. authors note: hi :] i like zoro. no other notes. cw: violence, fluff, small bit of angst, clueless!reader, kissin :*, zoroxreader, small bit of sanjixreader wc: 4.4k

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Zoro’s wooden practice sword swung in an unpredictable arch, you knew you couldn’t avoid it so you turned, letting it smack hard against your shoulder. Pain zaps through your body, the hit more annoying than painful. 

“Ow!” You growled, eyes narrowing. Zoro danced around you, you never knew how light-footed he could be, how quick and precise his sword play was. Zoro was a huge man, he was easily two feet taller than you, built like a damn freight train and somehow still quicker than you. Zoro’s mouth quirked up in a smart ass smirk, his brows raising tauntingly. 

“I thought you said you were getting better.” He jested, obviously trying to get a rise out of you. You took the bait every damn time. You swing your sword in anger. 

“I am!” You yelled, he dodged your assault with ease, playfully hitting your back as you stumbled forwards. You gained your footing and spun back around, swinging again but he just bats it away lazily. 

“Come on, killer, swing with purpose not with anger.” He says listlessly, like he’s bored with this. 

Of course he was bored, he was probably the best swordsman in the world, you were just some idiot pirates daughter. It had been a few months since escaping your fathers crew and although you were one of your fathers best fighters you fought more close combat style, with knives mostly. Swords were long and heavy, especially the ones Zoro used. It was like he made them out of boulders rather than steel. But right now you were using practice swords because you’re sure that if this was a real fight you’d be dead and buried. 

You grip the handle of the sword hard, knuckles turning white. You weren’t used to defeat, it left a sour taste in your mouth. Zoro’s stretched a bit, yawning. The anger always took you over. You were your fathers daughter after all. You pretended to swing the sword again, with clumsy maneuvering and when Zoro went to bat it away you chucked the sword aside, dodging his blade, hitting him square in the stomach with your shoulder. It was meant to take him down but he didn’t budge against you. It was as though you were pushing against a damn tree. You remembered just then how it felt fighting your father, how unmovable he was. You were raising your knee before you could even stop yourself as he knee him square between the legs. A rush of air leaves his lips and the way his body shifts you know you finally caught him off balance. You sweep a leg out from under him and with all the force in your body you shove against him. You both slam against the forest floor, your hips straddling his abs as you jam your forearm down against his neck, successfully pinning him beneath you. He looks up at you with immeasurable annoyance. 

“You’re a dirty fighter.” He huffs, groaning in pain. You nod your head, a proud fact you already knew. 

“You’ve met my father, right?” You jest. This was something new you were learning. Since joining up with Luffy’s crew there were a few things you had to learn. 

They weren’t out to get you. 

You were raised by a killer, his crew were a bunch of killers so naturally you grew up always keeping watch of those around you because the moment you slacked out someone would have their hands around your neck just waiting to extinguish your fire. 

2. You had to soften up and learn to work as a member of a team. 

This one you were still working on. You were alone most of your life, your father never spared you a kind word and sometimes at night you’d lay awake, knowing you were just like him sometimes. You guarded every part of your heart so well that sometimes you could trick yourself into thinking you never had one to begin with. But it beat the day you met Luffy’s crew. They saved you, even when you were good, they knew who and where’d you’d come from and still accepted you for who you were. That meant to you that you had to change. If you wanted to stay a member of this crew you had to let them in. You couldn’t push them away because one bad day would come and they’d stay away. You didn’t think you could survive that. Knowing that there was warmth in this world that you turned cold. 

3. Lastly, how to protect someone. 

You could protect yourself just fine because you’d been left behind in wakes your entire life. But you wouldn’t do that to them. You’d stay and fight because that’s what they did for you. You weren’t just looking out for yourself anymore, you had people, possibly a family, it’d take the devil himself to pull that from your grip. 

“Yeah I met him, he’s an asshole, like you.” Zoro grunts, his pinned hands escaping from your fingers as he turns the tide, swinging you to your back, pressing you into the dirt. You’re not sure where his sword came from but the wooden edge of it was pressed gently against your throat. He beat you. You groaned out a sigh as he cocked his head to the side. 

“I had you.” You fume as he purses his lips, he’s heavy against you, it feels like ten men rather than one. 

“For a second.”

“That’s all a killer needs.” You dared. He must’ve seen that look in your eyes before because he presses the sword ever closer to your neck, but not hard enough to actually hurt. 

“We’re done for today.” He says and suddenly his weight is lifted off you and you feel as though you could finally breathe again. You didn’t know you were holding your breath. Zoro extends a hand to you, narrowing his eyes. “No funny business, I’m hungry.” He warns because for someone who’s only known you for a few months he knows you pretty damn well. Knew that look in your eye, that you would take his hand and end up trying to pin him beneath you again. He knew you hated to lose. You took his hand and did nothing of the sort because you were hungry too. He pulled you to your feet with ease and kept hold of your hand for a second as he spoke. “You’re a good fighter, don’t give up on practicing.” He says and the look in his eye is intense, he meant it. He lets your hand go and bends to grab the practice sword that you tossed aside. 

“I don’t see the point in it, I fight better close.” 

“You can fight better any way you choose. You master the sword and you give yourself more options.” He says, tossing it to you, you catch it with ease.

“More options?”

“To survive. You want that don’t you?” He asks over his shoulder, walking back towards the camp that the crew had set up near the beach. You never thought of it like that before. You learned how to fight because your father needed someone unassuming to kill. Who’s more unassuming than a young girl? You always fought to kill, to end lives, you never cared much for your own. Who could care for a killer after all? Zoro slowed, tossing a glance over his shoulder at you after you took too long to answer.

“Of course I want that.” But your words sounded hollow. There was still that nagging voice of your fathers. There was only so many times someone you looked up to could call you worthless before you started to believe it. It was ingrained in you. To live but not feel worthy of life. Maybe you did want to live, but that didn’t mean you felt like you deserved to. You’d done wrong your entire life, killed and followed in the footsteps of someone you knew was bad. Didn’t that make you guilty of something? 

Zoro’s eyes dissected you, that face you made and the tone of your voice. He was a smart man and for all his faux uninterested stare he read you like a damn book. Like he’d cracked open your mind and read your innermost secrets. It was strange, having someone who you couldn’t fool. Someone who could look at you and call bullshit. 

“Do you just want to survive for the sake of others or for yourself?” He asked, slowing to a stop. Crickets chirped around you, wind picking up, swaying the leaves of the trees gently. You stopped too, mindlessly turning the practice sword over in your hands. 

“Is that a trick question?” You asked and watched him shake his head. You turn the question over in your head. “Surviving for yourself is quite selfish right?” 

“Not necessarily.” He breathes out, walking and plopping down listlessly on a stump, he stretches out his legs. “You charge into things head on, you don’t wait for others to act.”

“That’s a good thing.” You cross your arms defensively. “How else would you catch enemies by surprise?”

“By others I meant your crew. When you charge into things you could end up getting hurt.” He countered, you kick at a raised root and toss your head back a bit dramatically. 

“But if I kill the bad guys first you guys have nothing to worry about.” 

“We’d still worry about you.”

“Why?” You questioned as though someone worrying about you was way out of the realm of possibility. 

“Because you aren’t a martyr, we don’t need you throwing yourself on the knife.” Zoro argues, it’s one of the first times he seems interested in what he’s talking about. Passionate even. “I know what you’re used to. That’s why I wanted to train you.”

“So I can fight with a long blade instead of a short one?” You quipped. 

“So you can fight next to me.” He says as though you should’ve known. You look up from the ground over to him. He has this strange look in his eyes, the kind of strange look Sanji gave you sometimes, though Sanji looked at every girl like that. But not Zoro, the man was inexpressive usually. 

“Fight next to you?” You echo, as if trying the words out loud would give them a different meaning. Zoro nods his head. 

“Wouldn’t it be nice? Not having to wonder who has your back?” He asks. You look at him, something stirring inside you. 

“Is that what you want?” You start. “Someone who can keep up with you?” 

He nods his head. 

“Don’t you?” You ponder it for a moment. 

“I guess, yeah.” You say softly. “I feel like I keep up with you just fine.”

“You could be better.” Zoro jests, pushing off the stump he sat on.  

“I took you down, big man.” You growl, jogging to catch up with him as the sun starts to set. 

“You cheated.”

“I was being… resourceful.” You said and heard Zoro laugh, a warm laugh coming from his chest. You never heard him laugh before, probably in the same way he’d never heard you laugh. You both were somewhat serious types. 

“Sure, let’s call it that.” He intones. 

Back at the campsite the first person to greet you and Zoro was Sanji. Ever since landing on this island Sanji had been acting somewhat differently to Zoro, almost colder. You had no idea what that was about and honestly you didn’t care, not presently because they always bickered anyways. 

“There you guys are!” Sanji all but growls, shooting dagger at Zoro. “We’ve been waiting for you.” He says, giving you a kind smile.

“We didn’t mean to keep you guys, you could’ve eaten.” You say as Sanji shakes his head, guiding you with a gentle hand on your back towards the food. 

“Nonsense, it was no trouble.” Sanji croons as you look towards the rest of the crew. Luffy has his hands crossed against his chest tightly, his face scrunched in annoyance. 

“It was a little trouble.” Luffy grumbles as Sanji shoots daggers at him. You sit down, Sanji occupying the seat next to you as Zoro plops down in the sand across from you. It's quiet as everyone digs into their food. 

“How is it?” Sanji asks, eyes watching you. You’d just filled your mouthful, unable to answer right at that moment.

“It’s a little salty.” Usopp chided as Sanji hurled a dinner roll at him.

“I wasn’t asking you!” Sanji ranted, the roll hitting Usopp square between the eyes. You and Luffy both snort in laughter. You laugh, almost choking on your food which serves to make you two laugh even harder. Sanji turns to you with a worried expression, lightly hitting your back as you're able to swallow your food properly. You bite your lip to keep from laughing as you give Sanji a small smile. 

“It tastes good, Sanji, thank you.” You say and Sanji practically melts. 

“Usopp’s right,” Zoro starts, a mischievous look in his eyes. “It’s a bit salty.” Sanji’s eyes turn to slits as he grabs another roll, hucking it at Zoro who catches it with ease, grinning before taking a bite out of it. 

“I don’t care what you think because my dear Y/n likes it.” Sanji proclaimed, turning to you. “Would you like some more, dear?”

“Sure.” You shrug as he practically stumbles over himself to grab you more. Your eyes meet with Zoro’s, he gives you a wink and you roll your eyes. Zoro liked messing with Sanji and most of the time it was pretty funny. Sanji took a big liking to you and Zoro liked to tease him about it. You weren’t sure what it was that Sanji liked about you but he was always quick to give you anything you asked for. Sanji fills your plate and as the night winds down Luffy, Nami and Usopp take off for bed. 

You sit by the fire next to Sanji, your legs pulled to your chest as he leans back, eyes staring at the stars. It’s quiet, just the sound of the fire crackling and the waves of water crashing nearby. Your eyes watch the fire as it slowly lulls you into comfort. Suddenly a blanket is placed over your shoulders as you blink, eyes watering. You turn to see Zoro as he plops down near you. You silently thank him, pulling the covers closer to your chest, shielded from the cold. Something burning hotter was the look you caught sight of from Sanji, he looked as though he was seconds away from challenging Zoro to a duel. But when he noticed you his face morphed into a smile again. 

“Is a measly blanket gonna be enough to keep you warm, my dear?” Sanji asks. “I could scoot closer to you?” He offers.

“The blanket’s good.” You answer, unaware of the implications. Zoro snorts beside you, amused at something you weren’t sure of. 

“Do you have something to add, Zoro?” Sanji hisses as Zoro, face unphased as he shrugs his shoulders. 

“Sanji?” You start.

“Yes, dear?” He asks, voice all soft, way different from the tone he was using a second ago. 

“Did Zoro do something to make you angry?” You ask, making Zoro snort again. Sanji shakes his head.

“Nothing more than usual, dear, no need to worry.” He says and you nod your head, satisfied with that answer, eyes sliding back towards the fire. “Could I ask you something?”

“Hmm?” You hum, watching the flames flicker and dance. 

“What’s your type?” He asks. Zoro doesn’t snort this time, he fully laughs, gaining an angry stare from Sanji. “Shut your mouth you damn idiot!” Sanji yells across the fire at Zoro. “You’re ruining the moment!”

“My type of what?” You ask cluelessly. Zoro can’t help but laugh even more. You look over at him, confused but he’s laughing so hard his eyes are closed. You look back at Sanji.

“Ignore that damn fool, dear. Your type in a partner.” He explains. 

“Type in a partner?” You echo, Zoro slowly quiets down next to you. Sanji nods his head. You purse your lips, thinking. You and Zoro fought pretty well together the few times you had to, it was just mere hours ago that he told you he liked the idea of fighting with you and you had to admit you didn’t mind that also. “I guess Zoro would be my type.” You say, completely unaware of the havoc you just caused. Sanji clamps a hand to his chest dramatically over his heart. You look at Zoro, his cheeks blushing a moment before he begins a fit of laughter all over again. Understanding the miscommunication before you and Sanji do. 

“You hear that, Sanji? I’m her type.” Zoro boasts jokingly, throwing an arm around your shoulders, loving the effect it was having on Sanji. Sanji looked like a deflated balloon. Sanji sinks back into the sand as you cock your head, confused. Zoro gives your shoulder a small squeeze as you look back over at him. “He meant romantic partner.” He whispers just to you. Your eyebrows raise, mouthing the word ‘oh’.

“I’m sorry, Sanji, I thought you meant fighting partner.” You corrected and Sanji shot back up, hopefulness on his face again.

“It’s okay, dear, you scared me there.” Sanji sighs wistfully, running a hand through his hair. Zoro’s arm moves away from you as you look back at him. 

“Keep it there.” You order softly. “I was getting warm.” Zoro’s brows raise in surprise but he does as you ask, even scooting a bit closer to you. When you look back at Sanji his jaw is practically touching the sand. “What?” You ask innocently, he shuts his mouth instantly, shaking his head. 

“N-nothing.” He turns away, kicking sand at the fire. You feel Zoro laugh softly. You had no idea what sort of nonverbal conversation these two were having and honestly you didn’t care to know. You close your eyes, leaning into Zoro’s warmth. Romantic partner. You were thinking about it now because you’d never thought about it before. There was no love where you came from, no positive role models, no romantic tension. That stuff was way out of your realm of understanding.

“How do you know your type?” You ask, turning to look at Sanji. His eyes meet yours, his eyes glancing at Zoro’s arm around your shoulders then back to you. 

“That's a hard one to explain.” He says, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Is it something you just know?” You ask and Sanji nods his head. 

“More or less, yeah,” Suddenly he lets out a big yawn, stretching. “Boy am I beat. Are you tired?” He asks you.

“Not really.” You say and watch as he pouts. 

“Maybe you should head off to bed then.” Zoro says. Sanji’s eyes glare his way as he grumbles, pushing up from the sand and dusting himself off. 

“Night,” He says sharply, trudging across the sand back towards the ship. You watch him go. 

“He is so strange.” You whisper, earning a warm laugh from Zoro. 

“You're clueless, you know that.” He remarked with another soft laugh. You turn to look at him.

“Why?” You ask, his eyes slide to yours. 

“He likes you, killer, a lot.” Zoro explains. You furrow your brows, you already knew he liked you, he treated you very kindly. “And I know what you're thinking. It’s not that kind of like.”

“What other kind is there?” This garners another laugh. “Stop laughing at me!”

“I’m sorry,” Zoro chuckles, smiling warmly. “He likes you… romantically.” He emphasizes and suddenly everything starts falling into place in your mind. He was always going out of his way for you, giving you extra food, following you around like a lost puppy, practically begging for your attention. 

“Hm.” You hum, turning back to look at the fire. 

“Hm?” Zoro echoes. “You sound mildly uninterested.”

“Eh, I don’t- I guess I don’t understand.”

“Which part?”

“Why would he like me? That makes no sense.” You say and for a moment Zoro is quiet, you turn to look at him, his cheeks pink, probably from the heat of the fire you guessed. 

“Do you really want me to answer that?” He asks. And when you just look at him quizzically he pities you a bit. He inhales, sighing. “You do know you're gorgeous right?” He asks as though you did know that. That was not what you were expecting him to say. You can’t remember the last time someone referred to you in a positive connotation. 

“I-- I don’t think so.” You say, your cheeks feel hot under Zoro’s stare, you feel slightly nervous suddenly, but not a bad nervous, you're not really sure how to explain it. It’s completely new to you.

“Well you are. And you're strong, men love strong women.” Zoro goes on, he’s leaning back slightly, his arm still around you as he gazes up at the stars. You bite your lip, your mouth feels dry. Were you getting sick or something? 

“Do you?”

“Hell yeah I do, I’m not an idiot.” He says, amused. You nod your head. 

“Hm.” You say and he looks at you with that amused expression. “But what does him liking me have to do with you? He looked angry with you all night?” You ask, piecing things together in your mind.

“He’s jealous, killer.” He says. 

“Jealous, huh…” You trail off. “Because you're a good partner?” You ask and he scoffs a laugh, shaking his head.

“Sure, let's go with that.” He intones. You lay your head back down on his shoulder, settling against him. You always found your way to Zoro, you two had grown pretty close in the past few weeks. He was a calming presence, one you always seeked out. You liked sitting near him, talking with him and training with him. You liked when he talked and when he looked at you. It was strange, you’d never felt that way before meeting him. Never let your guard down but he just felt like a calming, safe presence to you. 

“What’s your type?” You ask and you feel Zoro tense up slightly, you turn slightly to look up at him. “Something wrong?”

“No, nothings wrong.” He says, recovering smoothly. “Are we talking about fighting partners?” He jokes, earning a laugh from you.

“Apparently not.” You answer. Waiting for a reply. Zoro’s arm slightly tightens around you, pulling you just a bit closer as he fixes the cover that had fallen off your shoulder. 

“I think I might keep that a mystery.” He answers as you huff out a laugh. 

“Keep your secrets then.” You say, letting your eyes drift closed. Sanji’s words float back into your mind, when you asked if liking someone was just something that you knew and he said more or less. It was something you just knew? That was harder to understand for you. “I think I’d like someone who I feel safe with.” You find yourself saying aloud as you try and imagine what that means, you were still kind of getting fighting partner mixed up with a romantic partner because both options you felt you needed someone you could trust.

“That’s a good thing to look out for, killer.” He says softly. You think hard. You felt safe with Zoro, you felt comfortable enough to rest against him. You couldn’t see yourself doing that with Sanji although you trusted him you didn’t want to be that close. Your mind was reeling now. So you liked being close to Zoro? Did that mean anything or nothing at all? You squeezed your eyes shut.

“Romance is confusing.” You find yourself saying. Zoro chuckles, nodding his head.

“Damn straight.” You lift up slightly as he turns to meet your eyes.

“How do you know you know, you know?” You ask as Zoro’s brows raise.

“I don’t know?” He asks as you purse your lips. 

“Sanji said your type was just something you knew,” You puzzled. 

“Killer, I think you may be overthinking it.” Zoro says. 

“What if you think you like someone but you're not completely sure?” You ask as Zoro hums slightly, thinking up an answer for you. 

“I guess- I guess you could kiss them.” He offers and you nod your head, leaning forwards to press a quick, searching kiss to Zoro’s lips. For someone so rough around the edges his lips are surprisingly soft against yours, cold from the night time wind. When you pull back Zoro’s eyes are closed, his cheeks as red as cherries. He slowly opens his eyes, he’s stunned to say the least. 

“I’ve never kissed someone before.” You say, eyes glancing back down at his lips. You kissed him too quickly to tell if anything came from it. “I’m gonna try again.” You say and he stammers but doesn’t object as you scoot closer and lean to press your lips back against his. You leave them there for a moment. You’d seen people kiss before but trying it now you were completely unsure of the correct way to do it. You feel something bloom but you're pulling away before you can put meaning to it. “I suck at this. You do it.” You say as Zoro finally finds his words. 

“You kissed me.” He says shocked and you nod your head. 

“It was bad, I don’t know what I’m doing. This is like training with a sword all over again.” You grumble, pouting and crossing your arms.

“You just need a good instructor.” Zoro’s hand slides up from your shoulder to your cheek, moving your face to face him. You have no time to access the way your stomach bottoms out at that before he’s bringing you flush against his lips this time in a delicate embrace. His fingers tangled in your hair, a shock zaps through you at the contact. Zoro knew exactly what he was doing, he was skilled in more ways than fighting it seemed. You burned all over, your breath catching in your throat. Sanji was right, you knew right then. Right as he pulled you impossibly closer and kissed you with fervor and confidence. When he pulled back your lips chased after him slightly as you stopped yourself. You swallowed dryly. 

“Was that good for you?” He asks, his voice all breathy and hoarse. 

“Uh huh.” You exhale. It's quiet for a beat. “I think,” you start, clearing your throat. “I think maybe you should try again.” You whisper and you don’t have to say anything else because Zoro understands. That and he’s kissing you before you can utter another word.                         

[blackswan446]

Can i request for yan! fae jk who lured the mc towards the fae realm and decided to have kids with her but yeah no smut but just the mc (reader) trying to escape from time to time until she birthed twins

sealed fate.

→ pairing: yan!fae!jjk x reader

→ wc: 2895

→ cws: mc gets knocked out, kidnapping, implied non-con/forced pregnancy

→ notes: ahh another ask! i hope you like it and thank u for requesting :)

m.list

the rain poured down, hitting your hooded head almost painfully. the trees did little to protect you, barely stopping the rain from soaking through the thin fabric of your jacket. it was cold and dark, and no doubt dangerous, but even this was better than staying inside your house for a second longer. anything was better.

the cool raindrops soothed your hot and tear-stained face, and the wind provided some relief from the sweat that had managed to build up on your neck and forehead. though it was odd, you felt a strange sense of comfort when you entered the woods, even during a storm such as this one. this storm was no match for the hurricane that tore through your home, leaving shattered plates and a broken family in its path.

ever since you were a little girl, you felt an odd connection with the woods. you found solace in the trees, with their twisted roots and vibrant leaves, you felt most at home when you were amongst the serenity of the forest. whenever reality became too much for you to handle, you would go and just sit in the woods, and inhale the sweet, woody air of it. you envisioned yourself living here, in a cute little hut, where you drank plant teas and grew flowers and ate delicious soups by a roaring fire.

if you were being honest, the only reason you hadn't ran away to live out your dreams was because of your little sister. she was a tiny thing, only three years old, and you knew that if you left your house, then she would have the weight of your parents constantly fighting on her little shoulders. she would have to face the constant screaming, the blaming, the pain, all by herself. she didn't deserve that, and at her young age, it was likely that she wouldn't live long enough to be able to adapt. she couldn't protect herself from the harm that came to you, and one day, it was bound to be the end of her if you weren't there to protect her.

sure, you could take her with you, but it wasn't that easy. securing a job, a place to live, and staying in school would be impossible with a child to take care of. besides, the world was a dangerous and unforgiving place, and a young girl and her even younger sister would get eaten up by debt and injustice before they could even get their foot in the door. so you were stuck, and as soon as your father stormed out of the house, you knew he wasn't bound to return for days, so you took off for your safe space, just for the evening.

through your vision, obstructed and blurry from tears and rainwater, something caught your eye. it was a flower, a tall, purple flower. it was unlike anything you had ever seen before, and you would probably would have never seen it if the moonlight didn't hit the petals so perfectly. spikey, purple leaves sat in a bunch on the ground. these leaves surrounded the long stem, which had more pointy flowers blooming from it. aside from its unique appearance, there was something different about this flower. perhaps it was because of the alluring colors and remarkable shape, but something about it had you spellbound.

your body acted before your mind, and you felt your legs moving across the muddy ground towards the bewitching blossom, before you could think it through. of course it was beautiful, but there was another side of this. beauty was only skin deep. the flower could be poisonous, even just to the touch. another animal could have its watching eye on it, captivated by its moonlit glow, and might not take kindly to someone approaching it. but nothing was stopping you, nothing was going to stand in the way of it.

as you drew closer to it, you could see the raindrops roll off the velvety petals of the flowers, almost taking the violaceous fluorescence with it into the dirt. kneeling down to get a better look at the enigmatic flora that illuminated the black forest. just as you reached out to take the stem between your fingers, you heard the sound of mushy footsteps behind you. before you could do anything, a powerful force met the back of your head, and the violet radiance in front of you blurred before disappearing completely.

stirring from your state of unconsciousness, you immediately noticed how warm you were. the last thing you remember is being out in the frigid, pouring rain, and stumbling upon an mysterious yet enchanting flower, before everything went dark. as the remnants of oblivion started to wear off, the reality of your situation set in. panic struck in your chest as you sat up hurriedly, kicking off the knit green blanket that laid over your lap.

looking around, the place you were in enticed you almost as much as the flower from earlier had. it looked to be someone's home, and oddly enough, it resembled the same home that you had fantasized about spending your days in, and you couldn't help but feel weirdly comfortable in the unfamiliar place. it was tiny, but you didn't feel physically trapped inside. you were laid down on a small couch, adorned with wooden trim and a floral fabric, with two matching chairs on either side. on the other side of the room, opposite you, was a stone fireplace, which had a fire aflame inside, eating away at logs of wood. various little knick-knacks and clutter collected on the walls, the shelves, and the tiny coffee table, like books, and pictures, and even more plants.

looking at the light that flowed through the thin, white curtains, you could tell it was early morning, when the dew drops gathered on the blades of grass and the birds began to sing their songs. as you went to stand up from the couch, you heard some various shuffling and clinking noises come from another room, and you sank back down into the soft cushions. almost as if you were hiding from whoever or whatever had brought you here. you felt your heartbeat pick up as the sound of footsteps on creaky wood drew closer to you.

"is that you, my flower?"

whipping your head around, you scanned the once-empty room to find the source of the sweet voice. you found it, or rather, you found him. he was tall, much taller than you, and strong, too. his hair was sleek and black, and suited him well. the clothes he wore looked, well..worn. but not in a bad, falling apart way. in fact, they looked like they were high quality and comfortable. a brown leather vest, a soft, white shirt, and loose pants that matched the brown of the leather, hung from his rugged form nicely. he was handsome, his facial features were well proportioned and elegant. he smiled softly at you, and walked over, setting down the two mugs in his hand before sitting next to you.

"here," he said, reaching out an open hand and revealing a strange, vibrantly pink berry, "for your head. i know it hurts." you looked at him, confused, but took the berry from him anyways, fiddling around with it in your hand. "who are you?" you asked, the question coming out quiet and curious. he laughed shortly, shaking his head.

"you're asking me that in my own house?! you're a funny one, angel, i knew i'd like you." he chuckled. you furrowed your eyebrows at him, the questions in your mind growing stronger and louder as you got further away from an answer. "no, i'm serious! who are you, why am i here, what's going on here?!" you demanded, heart pumping frantically as he looked at you, amused.

"first off, my name is jungkook. i would ask your name, but i already know it, and you'll be changing it soon anyways, so i won't bother. besides, i think i'll stick to calling you angel, if that's alright. second-"

"wait, wait." you interjected. "why would i have to change my name? why am i here?!" you repeated, scoffing at the ridiculous words leaving his mouth. "i was getting to that, but then you interrupted me. and if that attitude keeps up, then you are in. for. it. got that, my angel?" he asked, facial expression not matching the sweetness in his voice. you nodded slowly, biting back from asking again what was going on here.

"good girl. now. the reason you're here," he paused, shifting himself to face you, your legs criss-crossed and back against the couch arm, "is because we're getting married, and we're going to start a family. it's that simple. and the reason you-"

"-what?! why the hell would we do that?! i mean-"

without saying a word, jungkook placed his hand on your knee, tightening his grip until you stopped talking. "you didn't already forget what i said, did you, flower?" he asked innocently, looking you in your eyes and smiling again, as if he was asking a simple question. "and the reason you would have to change your name is because it's a human name. human names are much too different than the names we use here. don't worry about it, though, i have plenty of name books if you need help." he finished, taking his hand away from your knee as you sat there, dumbfounded. first, you were trapped in this shed of a house. then you found out this stranger was all of a sudden, just going to marry you and have kids with you. and now, that stranger was suggesting that he wasn't even a human?!

you took a deep breath and blinked slowly. "what do you mean 'a human name'? are you..not..a human?" you asked slowly, nervous to trigger another one of his scoldings. he shook his head. "that's what they all say when they find out. i got lucky, though, it's not all of us that look this good." he answered cockily. "so, what are you then?" you inquired, speaking slowly once again. he sighed thoughtfully, looking around the room as if he would find the answer written on the lines in the green wallpaper.

"to put it shortly, i'm a fae. humans call us fairies, or pixies, and they compare us to tinkerbell. but i have a book that would explain it much better than i ever could. besides, there are more important things we need to do right now." he hinted, raising his eyebrows cheekily. a sick feeling arose in your stomach as you shook your head frantically.

"please, no. i'm too young to have children. i can't stay here. i need to go home, i need to be there." you beseeched, voice going low and desperate. jungkook shook his head. "you don't, though, is the thing. listen to me, [name]. i didn't just grab you randomly from the forest last night. i've been seeing you for years now, i've studied you, i know everything about you. i know why you come here, i know why you're so eager to get out, and i know that you don't really want to leave. don't lie to me, angel. if it weren't for that little, helpless sister of yours back home, you wouldn't be trying so hard to change what was obviously meant to be." he snarked, his voice firm and confident.

"if you know me so well, then you should understand why i can't stay here. she's just a child, for god's sake. she'll get killed if she stays in that house with them." you argued. he shrugged his shoulders unsympathetically, eyes cold and uncaring as you pleaded with him. an idea sparked in your head, a far-fetched one, but it could be the ticket to your escape and your sister's safety.

"what if she lives here with us? she's only three. we can raise her, and that way, she's safe, we're together, and i don't have to have children. that'll work, right? please." you suggested, practically begging as you clasped your hands together in front of you. he gave another thoughtful look, lighting a small fire of hope inside of you, only for it to be set out by the arsonist who started it. "it's a good idea, it really is, angel. you're smart, i like that. but it's a bit late for that. your parents have already been taken care of, and your sister was sent off to safety. nice try, though." he explained, speaking as if he were talking about the weather, so casually and normally.

tears dripped from your eyes, down your cheeks as your breath stuck in your throat. "what are you talking about? where is she?" you asked, barely able to get the words out as you choked on the grim thoughts that dripped their poison all over your mind. "don't worry, flower. like i said, she's safe. she's alive. i promise, she is not going to be stuck with your parents, all by herself. i love you too much to hurt you in that way. your parents, on the other hand..." he trailed off slowly. you knew immediately what had happened, and he knew you figured it out, so instead of continuing the story, he caressed your cheek with his thumb, wiping away the tears that dampened them.

"see how everything's falling into place? don't you see that, flower? this is your destiny. this is where you were always going to end up." he asked, looking lovingly into your eyes as he stroked your cheek. "why can't you just accept your fate?"

the various noises of spring filled your ears as you inhaled the clean, fresh air next to the open window. little birds chirping to one another, the rushing water of a nearby stream, and the occasional footsteps of an animal crunching the leaves and grass. the sky was a stunning blue, with perfect white clouds dotting it in all the right places.

you glanced over to the small cot, bedecked with frilly pink lace and a long, white piece of fabric wrapping around the bassinet and cascading down to the floors. the two infants inside were sound asleep, swaddled in pink knit blankets with various little toys sitting around them.

your heart swelled when you looked at them; similar to how it swelled when you looked at the land across the tiny stream, but for all the opposite reasons. when you looked at your children, your heart was warmed and overwhelmed with affection, with pure adoration. but when you looked across the stream, you felt trapped, and disappointed, almost as if the current washed over you and brought a storm of sadness and heartache with it.

of course you had tried to escape, twice, to be exact. the first time, you just made a run for it in the middle of the night. you didn't bother to plan ahead, or be cautious, so it wasn't really a shocker when you tripped on a rock and twisted your ankle. your cries woke jungkook, who came storming out of the house and picked you up by the torso, swinging you over his shoulder as you cried and pleaded with him. luckily for you, all you got was a slap on the wrist and a heavy warning.

the second time didn't turn out as well for you. and like salt in the wound, what made the fallout even worse for you is that you had a plan. you were careful, thorough, and even set up a distraction for jungkook, so you could slip away in the midst of chaos. if only the fire had burned a little brighter. a little hotter. even if it were just a little more powerful, you could be back with your sister where you belonged. but no, the measly flames were too weak to do any real damage to anything. so one pot of water and a missing person in the house led to jungkook catching up with you, just as you were about to cross the stream to freedom.

that time, he didn't play so nice. he threw you down roughly, spat venomous words at you, and did what he thought was necessary to put you in your place and cement you there, with him, forever. despite your prayers, and pleas, and everything in between, your fate was sealed as soon as he kissed you goodnight when he was done.

one baby would've been different. maybe with one baby, you still had a fighting chance to get out. not only was your fate sealed by the touch of his lips to yours, but you knew it, too. and everything fell into place as soon as you laid your eyes on the two babies in front of you. twins. jungkook was overjoyed, of course. and in a way, you were too. they were your children, after all, and all parents loved their children.

well, almost all parents.

sometimes you wondered about your fate. was this really it? even if you had no reason to go running into the woods, even if you had peace at home, is this still where you would end up?

was your one safe space playing against you this whole time?

[unholybacon355]

Adore You

Male Reader X Jihyo

Word Count: 2.1K

A/N: Your wife JiHyo came home early and receive a lovely massage.

It was an unusually warm day at the end of summer, the sun was setting on the horizon, tinting everything with its reddish-yellow glow. There was a slight breeze outside, barely coming through the open window, but it was enough to blow the curtains in your room. You rubbed your hands to better spread the cream over them, and you approached the king size bed that was in the center of the room. Lying on the bed was your wife.

Park Jihyo was wearing nothing more than an ordinary underwear, which was swallowed up by her butt making it look more like a thong. She was otherwise completely naked from head to toe, but since she was waiting for a massage she didn't need any more piece of cloth. The evening light defined her luscious curves and powerful muscles contoured her form.

That day she had come back earlier than usual, so you decided to help her relax a bit. You helped her take off her clothes and left her lying face down while you looked for some cream to lubricate your hands. You approached her and began to massage the upper part of her back, immediately receiving a small moan of relaxation from her part.

You continue massaging now from her neck to the lower part of her back, feeling each muscle between your fingers, kneading and releasing the tension accumulated in them. "Yes, keep it up honey." you hear her say in a low voice, much more relaxed now than when she got home.

"A little further down." She asks after several minutes running down her back and neck with your skillful hands "My back already feels better." And without waiting for you to answer or say anything she lift her butt, you understanding the hint, grabs her underwear from both sides and takes it off, leaving her now completely naked. You bring the garment close to your face and give it a furtive sniff before putting it aside, the delicious aroma of your wife floods your senses for a few seconds and you feel how the blood concentrates in your crotch. But quickly your hands return to her body.

You apply a little more cream and start to go over her body once more. Your hands don't miss an inch of her plump buttocks, threatening her trying to hide your pleasure. “My love, you should get off work early more often. I don't mind giving you massages like ther once or twice a week. “You hear a slight laugh from your wife before she answers you. "I don't know who would enjoy that more, you or me." She made a small purr as you left her arse and moved down to her powerful, well-defined thighs. "But it sounds tempting, I'll try to run away from work more often."

With a wide smile on your lips you continue to massage her thighs, occasionally going down to her calves. If Jihyo's thighs were shapely, her calves were even more so. You could almost see her gastrocnemius part away, making it so obvious that she was working out. That was something you loved so much about your wife, how her body could be fibrous and well defined, yet still look soft and loose enough to be kneaded. It was a strange but comforting mix.

As you massaged her thighs and got dangerously close to her crotch you could feel the heat building up in the area, so you had to actively fight the urges to touch your wife. Maybe later in the shower or after dinner, or over dinner, you could have some fun of a different kind. But right now it was just an innocent massage, so you preferred to get away from her crotch and go massage her feet.

As soon as you put one of your fingers on the sole of her foot, you felt how a small layer of sweat covered them, and you were able to catch her slight aroma with your nose. Apparently the remedy was worse than the disease because now you had an erection that you couldn't control. You massaged her feet as best you could, resisting the urge to put them in your mouth and clean them with your tongue, of course occasionally giving her little kisses on her fingers or resting them on your nose.

“Honey,” Jihyo says with a small laugh, “You can put them in your mouth if you want it, you've earned it.” You feel your erection throb before her words, but you're still not sure. “I come home and I get a wonderful massage, you are a great husband. The least I can do is let you eat my feet." Then you feel how she presses her fingers against your mouth. You open without protest letting her fingers in, while you hear a small giggle from your wife.

You instantly begin to gobble up her foot while continuing to massage the other. Your tongue skilfully ran through the space between her fingers collecting all the sweat that covered them. That thin layer that added an extra flavor to her feet. Meanwhile, she let out small moans of satisfaction.

You put the other feet in your face and inhale all the aroma that you could. You loved everything about your wife, even the smell of her feet after a day of work. Then you also put that foot in your mouth to eat it, and you ended up licking the soles of both of them.

Not having enough but not wanting to distract you from the massage, you went back up her legs massaging her sore muscles until you reached her hips, you were sure you still had a lot of work to do there. You could feel how tense and hard her muscles were in that area, and how they were practically melting with your touch.

The other thing you could feel was the scent coming from her butt. It was a combination between her sweaty ass and the normal smell of her vagina. The scent blend was driving you crazy, so much so that while continuing to massage her you started giving small kisses on her lower back to get more of that scent.

"Honey, I know what you're doing." Apparently your wife had noticed your hidden intentions. "If you want it you have to ask for it." She giggled a little after that because she knew you didn't want to bother her.

"But this afternoon is about you." You really did love her very much, but it made you feel guilty to bother your wife with something like that in the middle of her massage.

"You say that like I'm not going to enjoy it." She gave another little giggle as she wiggled her big ass as if she were encouraging you to ask the question.

"Love, My Honey. Can I eat your big and delicious ass? I promise to leave it very clean." You got another giggle as your first response before she spoke. "Of course, you earned it too. But… don't stop massaging. Keep those hands moving."

You gave her a light spank in thanks before making signals to her to lift her hips up. You put some pillows under her body so she wouldn't have to strain and she can keep resting.

Now you had in front of you the perfect and round ass of your wife raised by the pillows. Her cheeks were parted from the position, allowing you to see her holes. A wave of your wife's aroma flooded your senses as soon as you approached her ass, what a great delight.

You rested your forehead on her cheeks and took in all the scent you could from her vagina. As much as you were dying to eat it, you had also only asked permission to gobble up her asshole, and you didn't want to get in trouble now. After what was a too short eternity for you, you used your hands to separate her buttocks and finally pay attention to the jackpot.

In front of you was the most delicious and beautiful anus in the world, wrinkled and also covered in a thick layer of sweat. Right now it was the most appetizing delicacy you could imagine. So you stuck your tongue out and licked her from below, as close to her vagina as you could without actually touching it, to practically where her back ended. Then you kissed her entrance and raised your hands to continue massaging her body.

Jihyo instantly reacted by letting out a moan. You knew her crotch should already be getting wet, and that made you salivate more, but today you didn't have access to it. The frustration of that idea made you stick out your tongue and start drawing circles in her anus.

In a pattern that only you understood, you made circles and then licked her, drawing small but noticeable moans from your wife. It was obviously true that she was enjoying it too, the tremors in her body confirmed it. Those moans encourage you to go for more. Like a starving dog that hasn't eaten in days you lick her ass fervently, as if it were the latest and most delicious delicacy on the face of the earth.

Wanting more and more, you began to insert your tongue into her anus, going as deep as the anatomy of your bodies allowed you. The taste and aroma overloaded your senses, blinding you to anything but eating your wife's ass, your tongue going as deep as it could while she raised the volume of her moans.

At this point you had stopped massaging and had moved your arms under her thighs. Your hands gripped both cheeks tightly, spreading them as far apart as you could, giving you more access to her anus. You had disobeyed her because you were no longer massaging, but you thought it was worth it. And judging by her moans she also agreed.

Your tongue and lips worked at a frantic pace to get as much of her as you could. Your hands kneaded her huge buttocks as if trying to compensate for the lack of massage, but you knew that the mere fact of leaving your soul in that ass eating was compensation enough.

You felt your chin wet from the natural lubrication of your wife. You were dying to try a little, but you were clear that today was forbidden territory. Even so, the aroma mixed with that of her ass and made you reach ecstasy.A nirvana in your senses that you are grateful to have for yourself every day.

Your wife's little movements told you that she was close to her climax. She moved her hips back and forth as if trying to get more of you, or wanting to ride your face. Soon you begin to feel the spasms in her body and the breathlessness of her moans.

"Yes, Honey. Yes, yes yessssss." It's the last thing she says before reaching orgasm. You feel your chin even more wet and you imagine the stain of fluids that she has left on the pillows. You continue to lick her ass more slowly this time, accompanying her in her orgasm until she calms down. When she finishes you give her a small kiss on her anus, almost chaste if it weren't for what you just did, but full of love.

Once again you look at her perfect ass and now you can see the stain she left on the pillows, judging by the size of it you would say you did a great job. You remove the pillows so she can return to a normal position, before lying down next to her. She turns to lie on her back and now you can see how her eyes are full of love towards you.

Your wife comes over before you can do anything and kisses you on the mouth. One kiss full of love, one that conveys how grateful she is to you. "Thank you." She says once you separate your mouths. "It really was wonderful." You can see the biggest smile you've seen in a long time from her on her face. Before you can react again she hugs you and hides her face in your chest. "Thank you for helping me release the stress, I really needed it. It was all great, even tasting my ass on your lips" You both laughed wrapped in each other's arms while the last beams of afternoon sun bathed your bodies. One of you completely naked and the other fully covered by clothes.

[zepskies]

Good Morning

Pairing: C.J. Braxton x F. Reader

Summary: Your attempts to get your boyfriend out of bed don’t go as planned.

AN: Here's my first ever story for CJ! Hope you enjoy. 💜

Word Count: 1,400

Tags/Warnings: Implied smut, fluff, tinge of angst.

You managed to close the door very carefully behind you while making sure the mugs of coffee you carried didn’t spill. Once one of these old dorm room carpets stained, there was no getting it out. 

You turned to find your boyfriend rolled over in his sleep, onto his stomach. The sheets had pulled down to his waist, but a few of his toes were peeking out as his foot hung out from his side of the bed.

Smiling, you went back over to your side. You set down the mugs on the nightstand and, slow and smoothly as you could, you slid in behind him. You laid a hand between his shoulders.

A sleepy, muffled sound reached your ears. You bit your lip in amusement. You sidled in closer, until your head was resting on his bare shoulder.

“Morning, sunshine,” you said quietly.

CJ’s face peeked out from under the messy flop of his brown hair, but his eyes were still stubbornly closed. His groan was more petulant this time.

“It’s not daytime yet, is it?” he muttered.

“Unfortunately, yes,” you replied, though you encouraged his waking with a soft hand drawing up and down his back. “But I’ve got coffee and a kiss waiting for you…after you brush your teeth.”

With a tilt of his head, CJ finally cracked his eyes open.

You laughed a little. “That’s what I thought.”   

You sat up and brushed strands of his wild hair away from his forehead. It allowed CJ to get a better look at you in your chosen PJs. AKA: His dark blue sweater from yesterday, and possibly little else underneath. It was a better reason than most to get up.

He let out a sigh and turned over onto his back. He stretched out next to you in bed with another groan as he rolled the kinks out of his neck. But without warning, he hooked a hand into the front of your borrowed sweater and yanked you into his arms.

You yelped in surprise and landed on his chest. His arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you in close, until you were once again staring down at his amused face.

“This isn’t exactly getting up,” you said, playfully chiding. “You’ve got class in an hour.”

CJ gave you a lazy smile that had a note of cheekiness.

“Plenty of time,” he said.

You quirked a brow as you felt his hands wander, down your sides and hips, and under the sweater. He found the lacy hem of your underwear.

“Time for what?” you asked, despite knowing the answer all too well.

“To have a really good morning,” he replied, squeezing your hips, but your fingers stopped his lips from approaching yours. You smirked.

“I was serious about that toothpaste,” you said. CJ pouted, leaning back against the pillow.

“Fine. Don’t kiss me, see if I care.”

You laughed at his bout of childishness.

“Come on, don’t be lazy.” You pushed off his chest, but before you left him completely, you looked down at him with a smile. “If you stop wasting time, I promise, we’ll have a very good morning.”

Raising his brows, CJ finally rolled out of bed after you sat back and got off of him. He stumbled a bit on his way to the bathroom.

You shook your head, huffing in amusement. It seemed that after a couple years of celibacy, the promise of any kind of activities was too good a motivator.

“We've gotta respect the sun,” CJ jokingly told you one morning, right before he turned you onto your back and slid down the length of your body and…

You’d barely taken a few sips of your coffee when you felt the bed dip behind you. A familiar pair of plush lips brushed along your neck, after a hand swept your hair aside.

“Why’re you staring into your coffee so intently?” CJ asked near your ear. It almost had a shiver running down your spine. You smiled.

“Nothing,” you lied. He hummed in response. His warm hands swept up and down your arms and massaged between your shoulders. You let out a pleased sigh.

“Hmm, you’re a little tense. Knots all up in here,” he remarked, though you heard the smile in his voice. “I think we need to work these out.”

You giggled. And you set down your coffee mug, because you knew what was coming. CJ pulled you back into his arms, where you leaned back and met him with a kiss. He tasted minty fresh.

You soon stopped him with a hand on his cheek. “Hey, before I forget. Would you want to go to a party this Friday? Joey invited me.”

CJ’s expression fell, just a little. You paused, biting your lip.

“But I’d get it if you don’t want to go,” you said. “It’s this thing at Jack and Pacey’s apartment. I know he’s the guy who kind of…introduced your face to a brick wall and all.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t fun,” CJ replied. He was already frowning at the memory, of not only Pacey, but of Audrey, and Jen, and how messy that had been. That whole episode had happened before he started falling for you…but it didn’t mean he wanted to dive back into all that “fun-filled” drama.

“Audrey won’t be there, obviously,” you said. Audrey was back in California, in rehab.

“Yeah, but Pacey sure will,” CJ dryly pointed out.

And Jen, he thought. He knew she still had something of a crush on him, but he’d been able to maintain his distance, especially since things started to get serious with you.

You stroked his cheek, breaking him out of his thoughts and earning his gaze.

“Joey already talked to him. I’m sure Pacey’s chilled out by now,” you reasoned. CJ was still frowning though.

After a beat of hesitation, you leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” you said at last.

And yet, CJ knew that look on your face. He prickled with guilt inside, seeing your well-hidden disappointment.

“But you do,” he said with a sigh. “You like them, don’t you?”

You smiled, giving a little shrug. CJ released you from his arms so you could turn around and sit across from him on the bed.

“They’re the first real friends I’ve made here in Boston,” you admitted.

You came up to Boston Bay College from New York last year. Joey had been your first friend, not only because you were assigned to be roommates (along with Audrey), but because you two were in the same major.

You and Joey often had the same classes together. Over the past few months, you’d gotten friendly with Audrey, Jack, Pacey, and even Jen, before she started acting a bit stiffly around you.

You grabbed CJ’s hand. “Look, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. Like I said, we don’t have to go.”

CJ shook his head and squeezed your hand back.

“No, it’s okay. We can go,” he said. He was just glad you didn’t try to drag him to this thing without telling him all the angles first. He wasn’t one for surprises.

“Are you sure?” you asked, your brows furrowing. CJ smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, why not,” he said. He didn’t want to be the reason you missed out on something, even if it had the potential to make him very, very uncomfortable.

It was worth it to get your smile though. You leaned over to wrap your arms around his neck in a warm hug.

“Thank you, thank you!” you said, giggling in his ear.

It made him smile. With a soft groan, he turned you over and laid you back down on the bed. You let out an oof at the way he half smothered you with his weight, but you didn’t let go of him.

“You’re gonna be late for class at this rate,” you reminded him.

CJ was studious and a more responsible student than most, but today, he didn’t really give a shit if he was late to his Philosophy class.

Instead, he kissed his way up your neck until he found your lips. There he drew it out slow, savoring the feeling of you underneath him, of swallowing your breath with each new kiss.

Meanwhile, his hand once again found its way under your stolen sweater and teased both sighs and moans from your mouth. He parted from you, just for a moment, to see the fairly dazed look on your face. He smiled and stroked your cheek with his thumb.

“Well, good morning,” he said.

Your resulting laughter shook both of you. You buried your fingers in his messy hair and wrapped your legs around his hips.

“It’s about to be,” you nodded.

AN: And there we have it! Short and sweet. Let me know what you think. 😘

Read the Sequel!

Ready to read on to the sequel? Check out One Exception:

Summary: Joey has invited you to a party at Pacey’s apartment, and CJ has agreed to go, despite the contentious history between him and your new friends. He doesn’t want to be the reason you miss out on a good thing, but it also means he’ll have to hide his apprehension (and his alcoholism).  

▶️ Keep Reading: One Exception

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@kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @ades106 @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @roseblue373 @brianochka @branj19 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog

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@jackles010378 @jessjad @pieandmonsters @deans-spinster-witch @idiotdyslexic @heartlessdelusions

[fantasy-anatomy-analyst]

Making Humanoids Less Human

I did make a small post on this, but now I've got the art for a much bigger and more detailed post! so here we go.

I had several anonymous asks that all came in quick succession weeks ago. Every single one of them was basically just a variation on "how would you take (typically humanoid) fantasy being, and make them look less human?"

This blog does not exist for me to just give people original designs for free, my goal is to show off my own personal thoughts about fantasy design and help people figure out how to adjust their own designs to fit their vision better. That means when people ask me questions about how to do something, I want to give them things to think about so they can come to their own conclusion. I don't mind making original designs to illustrate concepts, but a whole flood of "show me how to make this specific thing look different" all at once like that was too much. I'm not answering them all individually, it's just not what I want to do.

But what I can do is show my own thoughts and ideas about how to take any fantasy design and push it further away from "human", and you all can look at my ideas and figure out your own way to do things!

So here are the main 4 methods I've come up with to make humanoids look less human.

(image description: a simplified drawing of a humanoid face surrounded by four altered versions of the same face. clockwise starting from the top left, they are:

Speculative, drawn as a cat person. Additive, drawn with horns, pointy ears, sharp teeth, and a second pair of eyes. Subtractive, drawn with blank eyes, no nose, and no eyebrows. Exaggerative, drawn with a long face and huge eyes, as well as a wide mouth, narrow nose, and big ears.

end description)

I am personally a fan of the speculative route, which means exploring an alternate root of evolution to create a new design. Through this method, I've created monkey elves, frog goblins, and pig orcs.

the additive option is the most common, I think. adding new feature or doubled features to a humanoid form is a very intuitive way to change the design and make it look less human. you see this in most fantasy and scifi designs, like star trek aliens and the dnd player races.

subtractive and evaggerative are the most common options for people that like the uncanny valley. it's really easy to make uncomfortable designs by removing or exaggerating recognizable features, and they're often used together. Slenderman, for example, removes all facial features and skin color but also exaggerates the limbs and body.

Combining the four methods will give you a really interesting design as well! So for practice I decided to explore an alternate design for Tieflings, the part-demon player race in dnd.

(image description: four examples of differnt tiefling designs using the previously described methods. the additive example is just offical dnd art of a tiefling woman with purple skin, horns, and a long tail.

the subtractive sketch looks very alien, with a bald head, empty eyes, and no other facial featuers aside from a small mouth. it has three fingers per hand and two toe per foot.

the exaggerative sketch shows a hunched humanoid figure with huge eyes and big ears. the neck, limbs, and digits are all long with claws at the ends of the fingers and toes, and the limbs are also quite muscular.

the speculative sketch shows a bipedal figure with features similar to a giraffe, including a long neck, ossicones, and hooves.

end description)

now, because tielflings have such a distinct look to them, obviously my new sketches don't really look like tieflings, do they? the only one that comes close is the giraffe. relying only on one type of alteration to the human form has left the designs rather empty and lacking in the more iconic traits of the original concept. so i tried a sketch that combined my ideas! it came out looking like a completely different creature lol, like it could be a kobold or something, still not really a tiefling.

(image description: a sketch of a creature with a giraffe-like head, long tongue, and sharp teeth. it appears to be roaring at something and stands in a half-crouch. it has long limbs with hoof feet and clawed hands, as well as a long tufted tail curled behind it. end description.)

didn't work out. too far into the animal side of the speculative evolution, I think. so I tried again and got a design I liked much better!

(image description: a digital painting of a tiefling leaping back and casting a glowing orange spell. she is wearing a tunic with a corset and detached sleeves, as well as several pieces of jewelry. Her skin is purple with dark patches like a giraffe's spots, and she has a giraffe's ossicones as well as hoof-like hands and two-toed hoof feet. Her tail is long with a tuft at the end. She has glowing eyes and a flat nose, and there is a single sharp tooth visible poking out of the side of her mouth. end description.)

Brought the face back into slightly more human proportions and that helped a lot. Sometimes designs just take a few tries! that's normal.

and hopefully this is helpful to all of you! there are so many ways to alter humanoid designs to come up with something original and unique to you!

[socksracoon10]

Being an Elf and falling in love with Thorin

Headcanons below the cut!

When Gandalf had first summoned you, it wasn't a very easy decision to make.

Being a Sindar elf yourself, the choice of having to derail from your own beliefs bruised your ego... especially since you were entrusted with overseeing Thorin and his company.

"My dear (Y/N)," Gandalf sighed, "I can not trust any other elf with such an arduous task. I know you are capable of setting aside your prejudices and aiding these dwarves."

"You saved my life once from the Uruk-hais. I am indebted to you for that, Gandalf. But I believe that this will be the one time I shall repay you for your kindness in this manner. Do not expect more from me." You muttered with a bitter tone.

"I do not plan on it." Gandalf reassured you.

When you first met the company under Bilbo's roof, there was silence. An eerie amount of silence.

The hobbit before you seemed enchanted by your presence.

You learned his name was Bilbo; he was the most sensible out of the bunch at the moment.

Your eyes traveled across the room and landed on Thorin, who had a nasty scowl on his face.

He wasn't expecting you to actually show up. He had hoped that for once that elvish pride would've saved him from having to face another individual of the same kind that had betrayed him years ago.

The silence continued, and you made your presence known. You were here to help the dwarves, nothing more and nothing less. You would accompany them to The Misty Mountains, but you would not step foot into their sacred lair. Not out of respect, but out of the sheer disgust you had for the dwarves.

Not even Eru could force you to enter their dwelling; it seemed as if death was the better option.

The journey there was not an easy one.

And Thorin didn't make it any easier.

He'd pass sly remarks every so often about you, try to demean you in front of everyone. He was constantly fighting a battle to ensure that you were beneath him in every aspect, despite being one of the most skilled elves to traverse Middle-Earth.

"Ah, it's best not to anger (Y/N), Thorin," Gandalf would quip from the background, wanting to ease the tension.

It did nothing.

There was an instance where you had left the group to gain more ground and a safer pathway for the dwarves through the forests.

Yeah, biggest mistake ever and Thorin wouldn't stop nagging you about it.

Those stupid trolls had gotten to them and Bilbo had managed to stall them long enough before Gandalf used the sunlight as a weapon.

"I left for one day... forgive me, I was merely trying to secure a safe path," You hissed at Thorin as he shoved past you.

"A safe path will only do if the company itself is safe first, elf," He spat, glancing over his shoulder. You so desperately wanted to spear your blade through his heart.

The rest of the trip resumed its unsteady silence. You glared at the other dwarves, not wishing to say anything to them. Occasionally, you'd offer a helping hand to Bilbo.

That didn't go unnoticed by Thorin. He didn't really like Bilbo as much, but compared to you? Bilbo was far better, and the stupid burglar was mingling with the wrong person.

However, his concerns of Bilbo shifted to his two nephews - Fili and Kili.

While they still harbored some resentment towards you for being a Sindar Elf, they were still young. They were naive, they did not experience that devastating day when Thranduil's forces abandoned Thorin's desperate cries for help.

And so what did they do?

They talked. Talked, and talked. Especially, Kili. Fili would add a joke once or twice, but if he ever caught Thorin's watchful eye, he'd gulp his words and nudge Kili to quit.

And then slowly, one by one... the dwarves were opening up to you.

Balin was more sympathetic, he was a very kind and wise dwarf. You actually enjoyed his presence.

Bofur was a bit reluctant to talk to you at first, but slowly came around. You noticed this when he asked you if you needed more food on your plate when you were dining in Rivendell. That was enough to tell you that perhaps there could be friendships between the dwarves and the elves.

You saved their asses a couple times, especially with the Goblins. Killed some orcs led by Azog. And then watched Azog brutally wound Thorin.

And then something switched in you. For a moment, you felt your breath hitch at the sight of him, dazed and unconscious. Something began to stir inside of you, and you couldn't place your finger on it. It almost felt... unworldly.

And that feeling continued... even when you ended up facing Thranduil, who was so puzzled at the fact that one of his own kind was helping those dwarves...

"I am repaying a debt that I owe to Gandalf," You explained, your head jutted up high into the air.

"What a terrible way to repay it, (Y/N)." Thranduil grimaced, "If you wanted an opportunity to keep yourself occupied, you could've turned to Legolas and he would've found you a wonderful position among my kingdom. We could use elves such as yourself, you know."

"Ah, but I could not say the same for you," You bit back, noticing the way his eyes widened at your audacity.

Word of your defiance quickly spread to the dwarves as the elves guarding them gossiped about it with such eager interest.

It fell onto Thorin's ears.

He almost thought they were lying to him. He couldn't believe it.

And as you passed Thorin's cell to enter your own, much farther away from the dwarves, you noticed something different about him.

He was smiling at you, a twinkle in his eyes. He seemed... proud? Ecstatic?

When the company and you had escaped via the barrels, you had almost hit a rock down the river. It was surreal to see the way Thorin's hands stretched out to warn you.

It seemed as if he cared.

You took a daring risk to climb off the barrel to kill some orcs, almost slipping across the branch in the process as you jumped back into your barrel.

"Be careful, elf!" Thorin cried out, "You could've gotten yourself killed!"

"And what does it matter to you?" You snapped, furrowing your brows.

He did not respond.

He did not need to.

Because you sort of knew the answer by the way he glanced back at you with a soft smile.

You mattered to him.

More than reclaiming the Mountains? The answer was obviously no.

But when you climbed up and watched him excitedly open the hidden entrance to the inside of the Lonely Mountains, his eyes flashed towards you for a split second.

As if he was waiting to see your reaction as well.

And when you gave in and smiled.

With or without the gold, the Arkenstone or the throne,

He felt as if he was the richest dwarf to ever live.

You mattered to him.

He mattered to you.

And thus began, the love between an elf and a dwarf.

[seat-safety-switch]

There's this super fancy steakhouse near my home, and I've always wanted to eat there. Their salad bar is beyond excellent, a friend informs me, and their grated cheese is actually from Italy. Expense aside, you'd think this would be an easy trip for me. You're wrong.

You see, this steakhouse is so fancy that they have a special employee whose job it is to park my car. As far as I can tell by watching their parking lot with high-powered binoculars, their "valet" will take your car from you at the entrance, park it for you, and retrieve it for you when you're done eating. This, presumably, saves you the dinner-ruining stress of gently turning your vehicle to place it into a parking space.

Personally, I don't mind parking. My own backyard is full of cars packed helter-skelter, with mere millimetres of space between them. I could probably park a bus in here, if I really had to, but it would take me a couple of hours to get it back out. That's not the problem. The problem is that the valet would have to drive my car, which means I'd have to explain how to drive my car to them.

In case you think that's not a problem, allow me to explain. Most carbureted cars have a single choke, which you pull out when the car is cold in order to help it breathe a little better. Mine has sixteen, which must be pulled, bagpipe-like, in a specific order as the engine is running in order to keep it from dying at the lights. Could I fix it? Not until they create a bottle of head-gasket fix that also cures giant holes in the block.

Sure, I could park a few blocks away and walk there, but the valet will smell the desperation on me. If I have a rusty, propane-spurting 1970s Chrysler product, maybe I'm an eccentric. There's fewer of those left than Ferrari 458s, which makes me a "vintage collector," at least in the eyes of the super-rich-people yacht-owning magazine I tricked into doing an interview with me last year. All that goes out the window if I show up on foot. Same goes for letting my dinner date drive me there: her Hyundai Tucson is, well, a Hyundai Tucson. Not eccentric at all. Practical. They hate that there.

Ultimately, I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and do things the hard way. I've already applied for a job as their assistant valet. There's an employee discount, and I'm pretty sure that I'll be head valet once the bossman sees that I can fit like 700% as many cars in there as the old guy. It's just going to take a few weeks to get them back out again, which is even better for business.