#the man was ousted because he was JUST AWFUL

[birdsthatsingaftermidnight]

Today, in UK Politics

I'm going to have to start putting a date on these things. I'm referring to 20/10/22.

The Prime Minister resigned. She lasted nearly nine Jane Greys (8.889 if you want to be exact), or 4.4 Scaramuccis.

So anyway, Liz is out and this means there's someone new to come in. Yay! Hopefully this is the last new PM before Christmas.

In the July leadership contest, when the Tories finally realised that maybe, just maybe, Boris was a terrible Prime Minister, a candidate has to be nominated by 20 Tory MPs to be included in the first round of voting's ballot. They then held the vote, and anyone with less than 30 votes was withdrawn from the competition. Voting continued with the MP with the lowest number of votes being withdrawn (and others withdrawing even if they did scrape in) until two people were left, and then all Conservative Party members, that's MPs as well as paid up members, then voted. It's obviously a lengthy process (this started in July and ended with Liz Truss the winner in September).

This time they've decided it'll all get done by the end of next week. Nominations close on Monday, and anyone with 100 nominations goes through. Given that there's currently 357 sitting MPs, that obviously means a maximum of three people going through. "If three candidates reach the threshold there will be an vote of Conservative MPs. The top two will then be subject to an indicative vote of Conservative MPs before going froward [sic] to an online vote of Party members. This will be completed by 28 October 2022. If only one candidate secures the required nominations there will be no confirmatory vote of Party members and the candidate will be confirmed leader on Monday 24 October 2022."

In case the last two bullet points were too lengthy, here's the TL;DR - I've had colds last longer than this leadership contest.

But why take your time over an important decision like who should run the actual country. It feels like something you should rush, right?

Jeremy Hunt says he doesn't want to be in charge. Probably very wise of him, honestly. (Seriously, though, remember when he was the worst Tory MP you could think of?! What sweet summer children we were!).

Neither does Michael Gove (remember when he was also in the running for worst Tory MP you could think of? Ah, the naivety of trusting vaguely to the political process).

Jacob Rees-Mogg, allegedly the Business Secretary, but we all know he's really the Minister for the 18th Century / a Victorian scarecrow haunted by a dead Victorian industrialist, is said to be encouraging people to nominate Boris Johnson, who apparently does appear to be in the running.

Boris Johnson.

The good news is, the suggestion of nominating Boris has immediately split the party. Because that's what they need. More divisions.

BBC political correspondent Ione Wells said that some senior Conservatives have said they would consider standing down and thus triggering by-elections if Boris gets the job back. On the other hand, Cabinet Office Minister Brendan Clarke Smith insists that the former prime minister was a proven winner who could restore his party's fortunes. This must be true, because everybody's favourite Boris fan, Nadine Dorries, says he's a winner! Her credibility - for want of a better term - is currently a little shot right now.

Penny Mordaunt, currently the Leader of the House, appears to be in the running, and so does Rishi Sunak, who was Chancellor of the Exchequer until he resigned in July and kicked off the whole getting rid of Boris things.

Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer said his party was on an election footing, with a manifesto at the ready. I imagine they've been getting it into electioneering-ready status amidst the surprise that the Tories, handed a metaphorical rope by Labour's tabling amendments on the fracking legislation that had to be voted on, put said metaphor around their own necks and started shoving each other off the equally metaphorical battlements.

Also demanding an election is Liberal Democrat leader Sir Ed Davey, Scotland's First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, and Wales's First Minister Mark Drakeford.

Not that they can force one, unless Labour can convince enough Tories to vote with them in a vote of no confidence, which they're unlikely to try for anyway. It's so much more useful for them if the Tories keep shoving people who cannot do the job into the PM job and burn their own party down from the inside.

Which will make a nice change for Labour, who over the last few years have been cheerfully engaging in the left wing's favourite hobby - schisming. Gosh, but the left love a good schism.

The next general election is not required to take place until at least 2024 (and by January 2025 at the latest) and, at this stage, it looks unlikely that date will be brought forward.

Because we're British, this is also happening, and it is magnificent.

[shiplessoceans]

Moments in House MD that made me absolutely feral as an O.G fan that watched it as it aired back in the naughties, shipping House/Wilson hardcore and not realising I was queer:

1. Wilson loudly reciting a poem to House as he enters the hospital lobby which contains the line: "His manly chest, his stubbled jaw, everything about him leaves me raw.'

2. The look on Wilson's face when a random clinic patient gives House advice about his date with Cameron.

"Do her....or you're gay."

*cue Wilson looking to the side like...wait a minute...*

3. House: "They were not Prada! you wouldn't know Prada if it stepped on your scrotum."

4. Wilson: "House I believe you're a romantic, you didn't just believe him, you believed IN him! Wanna come over tonight, watch old movies and cry?"

5. House (yelling across a crowded lobby to Wilson): "How long can you go without sex?"

6. The look on Wilson's face when he gets a masseuse for House (!) and she massages his hand, causing him to begin moaning orgasmically.

7. Stacey: "What are you hiding?"

House: "I'm gay... Oh that's not what you meant! But it does explain a lot thought. No girlfriend, always with Wilson..."

8. House watching Wilson sleep on the couch in his apartment, then quietly erasing a voicemail from a real estate agent saying Wilson's apartment application for a new place went through.

9. Wilson, explaining his infidelity during his previous marriage, to Cameron when she's feeling awful because she considered cheating on her husband while he was dying:

"Well my wife wasn't dying, she wasn't even sick. But I met someone who made me feel...funny. Good. And I... didn't wanna let that feeling go."

The lack of pronoun haunts me to this day.

10. Gay male patient harassing House and questioning why he won't treat him:

Patient: "Because you're a closet case?" (Eyeing House and Wilson who have just emerged from House's apartment)

Wilson: "Uh...we're not...together..."

House: "He is so self-loathing."

11. House nearly kills himself to attempt to prove there is no afterlife, Wilson waits over his bedside and then calls him an idiot and orders him extra pain medication. House's response is:

"I love you."

12. House: "Big romantic weekend in the Poconos could change everything."

13. Wilson refusing to participate in a board vote to oust House from the hospital and consequently losing him job for House. Wilson's furious with him over being put in that position but forgives House easily.

14. Wilson (speaking to House about dating a woman eerily similar to House): "Why not? Why not date you? It's perfect! We've known each other for years, we put up with all kinds of crap from each other and we keep coming back. We're a couple!"

House: "Are we still speaking metaphorically?"

15. (Less than a minute later when House keeps trying to convince Wilson he and Amber are a bad idea).

Wilson: "Wait a minute, every time I agree with you, you come up with a new argument. What are you trying to avoid?"

House: *Stares at Wilson with the most meaningful eye contact to ever eye contact*

Wilson: "Oh! Well if you'd looked at me with those flashing eyes before I was involved (clicks tongue)."

16. To Wilson's new girlfriend in a threatening, 'stay away from my man' voice:

House: "Give him back his sweatshirt... Pit stains don't become you."

17. House: "This isn't just about the sex! You like her personality! You like that she's conniving. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves..."

*tense pause*

House: "Oh my god. You're sleeping with me."

*flees restaurant*

18. House: "I have really gotta get you laid. If I have to plough that furrow myself, so be it."

19. Wilson: "I have a headache."

House: "We don't have to have sex, sometimes it's nice just to cuddle and talk."

20. (To a bellboy at a hotel House is staying at, while gesturing to Wilson)

House: "After he and I have sex, I'm gonna slit his throat and disembowel him in the bathtub."

21. House going to interview all of Wilson's ex wives to figure out how best to break him and Cuddy up when they aren't even dating. The look on his face when Bonnie explains how good at sex Wilson is? Priceless.

22. House: "Probably my deep and very unconscious desire to get Wilson into my bedroom."

22. House: "If you're coming back because you're attracted to the shine of my neediness. I'd be fine with that."

23. House borrowing money off Wilson in increasing amounts to test the limits of their friendship. He later admits to Wilson that: "Maybe I don't want to push this til it breaks".

24. House being convinced the male CIA agent who approaches him in season 4 is a stripper and sitting on a bench saying:

House: "You wanna close that door?"

CIA agent: "Why?"

House: "Well I assume you're gonna drop trou at some point during the dance, I don't see why I should share."

25. Wilson: "I want a threesome"

House: "Shouldn't we try a twosome first?"

26. All of that episode where House is talking to Dr Nolan and says Wilson is not a consolation prize. Legit became convinced halfway through that this was going to be House realising he's in love with Wilson and wants to keep living with him.

27. House hiring a P.I. to stalk Wilson after they've had a falling out to see if he misses him. The P.I. clocks this immediately and treats the case like that of a scorned lover needing to know if the other party is pining and if theres anything that can make him come back.

28. Wilson proposing to House in a restaurant to throw a wrench in his plans to date their neighbour.

29. Wilson got mad that Cuddy hurt House. So he bought her dream apartment out from under her in sheer spite and moved into said apartment with House.

30. Wilson being indecisive and unable to buy furniture for himself because of a flimsy sense of self and an inability to figure out who he is and what he wants. House teases him about this and challenges him to buy one peice of furniture that says something about who Wilson is.

The peice of furniture Wilson buys?

A piano organ for House.

31. House: "You were thinking about Wilson while were were having sex? That's cool so was I."

32. Wilson: "If things go wrong, I just want you to know..."

House: "If you're gonna say that you've always been secretly gay for me? Everyone just kind of assumed it."

33. Cameron: "Where do you put the cane?"

House: (referring to Wilson) "If he buys me dinner he can find out."

34. That gay as fuck ending, fuck I'll never be over it.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Hi! So this just a thought but I loved your villain deku series so much, I wondered wouldn't it be interesting if in some alternate universe the story being the same that the wife was a vigliante. There both to busy with work or in deku's case villainy to notice, and y/n is to busy tracking down deku with shinsou that she doesn't even realize it's her own husband. Imagine the scenario if deku thinks the thorn in his side vigliante kidnapped his wife to lure him, their the only one qualified enough to get away with it, bold enough to try, what he doesn't know was that his wife forgot to make up an excuse for working to late and now his wife is masked tied to a chair being tortured for own absence. And deku doesn't realize until he takes off the mask for the grand reveal all while the wife doesn't know. Deku is speechless and the wife goes "What's with the stare, I thought you were married?"

Vigilante Reader | Yandere DekuWife Reader

Pees his pants

When he sees your sweat-beaded face and fiery gaze

He wants to pee his pants

In hopes that maybe he’ll relieve himself of this awful feeling 

He–in the best world–wouldn’t have gotten into the deep torture

Only kicking, maybe punching but nothing that requires seeing your skin

Because honestly if he even saw an inkling of your skin he’d pause 

He’s that in love 

And he’s that dedicated

Before you put a ring on it he would have his closet (not his walls because you visit) Filled with pictures of you 

He’s got your image memorized

So he’d know if he’d even got a glimpse

So when he sees your face finally uncovered and spitefully shouldering the pain

Whatever you say is muffled by the ringing in his ears as he realizes just how terrible he’s been to you

How much he’s hurt you

It honestly depends on how far he got into hurting you

If he did happen to go pretty far without seeing your skin or face he’s near having a mental breakdown

And you can crack a joke or two about your face

But he’s just gone 

he has to leave to compose himself where he’ll rack his brain on what to do

He has two choices revert to Izuku, a man worried about where his wife went 

or the villain that will oust himself and run away with you (whether you want to or not)

It honestly depends on how badly he’s hurt you

In the best-case scenario, he’ll have caused minor damage enough to continue his villainous persona

Leak wherever he’s going to dump you’re ‘weakened’ body where he’ll watch from afar as Shinsou and the police collect you 

Picking up whatever fake evidence he purposefully left behind

But if he’s really screwed up and hurt you badly 

He’s sorry but he just can’t let you go

He’s going to reveal himself where he’ll beg for your forgiveness

Crying like a baby while he rests his head on your lap

“I so sorry honey! I didn’t know it was you! Pwease forgive me!”

Even if you frantically try to calm him he’s just so busy crying he won’t listen to anything you say

Enacting his absolute plan Z 

which means eliminating the entire city while he and his crew fly out of range

So he’ll pack up your house while you relax in his lavish temporary quarters with quirk-killing cuff and a chain to make sure you can’t leave the expanse of his room without alerting him

Even when he’s finished crying he just can’t be talked out of it

You’re already mad at him so destroying the city is the least he can do 

He’s honestly willing to look into memory wiping quirks 

That or a marriage counselor that’s going to convince you otherwise

[perfectfangirl]

notes after rewatching fallout s1 ep3

• almost certain that is sugarfoot cooper is dismounting in the scene from the movie he is filming 🥲 • the film cooper was filming here is called "the man from deadhorse", a clear play on the concept of "beating a dead horse" • just realized he [presumably] shot the bad guy character twice • i also noticed that the duster the bad guy character is wearing looks an awful lot like the duster cooper wears as the character he “plays” in the wasteland to cope. is... cooper playing a bad guy character based off one of his movies?? • saw a couple of different variations of "feo, fuerte, y formal" [all saying mostly the same thing] cooper says "he was ugly, strong, and had dignity" wikitionary says it denotes a conception of masculinity. very curious about this these words and the scene because cooper is obviously viewed as a concept of masculinity in hollywood, to the point where he's being asked to essentially engage in statecraft via propaganda as this movie scene is making his character do something completely antithetical--- killing the bad guy instead of solving another way, he basically says a line about "commies" then shoots the him in the head

• what's more is that some are viewing the three concepts of "ugly, strong, dignity" to mean either a variation of cooper, lucy, and maximus or of cooper himself, didn't even think of this and it's a particular interesting trichotomy of cooper pre and post war • "well, joey, i'll give you two out of three on that front" and now i don't know which two out of three • cooper goes out of his way to thank the actor jorge for playing the bad guy in his film • cooper presumably read the script, probably had a table read, rehearsal, and still didn't want to film his good guy character killing the bad guy [perhaps after cadillac bob got fired, there were rewrites and cooper was not told until then] out of context, this is charming, he values his characters so much that they mirror his own values [walton has argued with writers, directors, actors about his characters too!] but in context, it is either the beginning or yet another chapter is cooper's conflicting and morally challenging struggle of "right" and "wrong" in this show • need to know more about cadillac bob! he was doing the moral good type of writing on cooper's programs and i am curious if the firing was an ousting [as being labeled a communist is career over here] because the wiki says he was fired for refusing to write this storyline for the "new america" and then they wrote this character change for cooper to have a firmer anticommunist stance to influence the public. cooper wants to change the scene so bad, he asks for a writer and i find it amusing the director thinks doing a 180° on his character would be good because "the audience knows you're a good man. they want to see that even a good man as yourself can be driven too far sometimes" idk but this is about all the horseshit i can take • [this is precisely post war cooper's arc and character if that wasn't obvious enough] • enter barb. i love the sensual "married couple flirting like strangers" energy behind this scene • lavender flowers are supposed to represent purity, silence, grace, devotion, serenity, calmness--- just a little something for you romance girlies to think about with this scene • "tastes like someone touching you for the first time" and they make it a point to show cooper and barb's hands and cooper purposefully touching barb's fingers as they exchange the candy • hands and fingers seem to be important motifs here and it also seems like hands and fingers are particularly worthy of note for cooper • they kiss each other and they're like "sorry, makeup" and "sorry, lipstick" 😭 • looks like barb secured cooper some vault tec contracts • cooper winds up on siggi's headless body and i can almost see the algebra and trigonometry floating around his brain trying to make heads or tails of this shit • from my understanding, there's no chems that keep a ghoul from going feral within the game universe but there are chems that can and have turned people into ghouls, i see speculation that cooper may have a chem addiction and what we see are withdrawal symptoms, as when lucy finds him outside the super duper mart, he's still on the ground and not acting much feral but [of course coughing, drooling, etc could be the show's symptoms for ferality] i digress • almost think because it's dry and arid af out there, that's why he need a chem

• literally howling because of how lucy was handling siggi's head, she got over the shock and disgust quick 😭 • lucy is crazy for lighting another [camp]fire at night like that • lucy putting a tracker on siggi's head was smart though • lmao did the brotherhood of steel not know lord titus' regular speaking voice or • maximus lying to the brotherhood of steel, maximus selling his teeth for caps instead of literally anything else, maximus thinking he can leave his power suit uncovered and unattended without it being pulled for scrap--- like lord, maximus, please make a sensible step 😫 • the voice modulator mechanic person was very sci fi though • took me a second watch to realize maximus' tooth extraction resulted in a bit of a lisp glfgd • not maximus getting bullied again 😭 • maximus getting a wrench and toilet seat and beating the shit out of them wastelanders with them rotf • crushed that man's head like a watermelon❤️ • thaddeus being sent to inadvertently squire for someone he helped bully is his karma lol • "remnant from the old world" directly implying the enclave is a continuation of the us government • lucy arriving on the serene scene of a fawn near a lake where hollywood boulevard once stood [lucy being a parallel of the innocent doe, doe eyed, and this is bambi ok 🥲] • an undamaged, normal appearing fawn representing beauty and purity can grow in the wasteland and then it being snatched by a gulper likewise demonstrating that it can all be taken away in a blink of an eye • lucy once again being crazy for walking around with the barely contained rotting head, like of course the abomination snatched that too 😭 • cooper conveniently appearing with a cocked gun in her face and she just smiles and says "hello again" like excuse me?? 😭 • cooper's head tilt gets me every time, oof • he ain't have to lightly pistol whip her like that 😭 • lmao poor chet • betty to some degree i keep wondering if she knows extensively about the vaults of 31, 32, 33 or if she is just doing what she is told • norm using the word "escape" instead of perhaps "leave" when describing lucy's departure from vault 33 is intriguing, i think • it took me a minute, and i don't think i've seen much talk about this but i legitimately think norm's lack of enthusiasm and drive for life in the vault is directly connected to his mother's death but i have seen no clear age for him--- they don't show his memories like they do lucy's and i would want an explanation or exploration on his lore here because... he already uncovered vault 31's secret but i don't think he knows what hank has done and him finding out will be huge as well like for lucy • norm is rightfully angry at the raiders for what they did but i am almost willing to bet he might be implicated in their poisonings as a diversion tactic by someone like betty but it's all just a theory [a film theory gldfgldfl] • because someone in the fucking kitchen and handling the food poisoned them raiders... • ghoul prejudice being loud and clear and amongst the brotherhood of steel 😭 • ghouls leaving radiation trails is insane • lmao maximus and thaddeus coming upon siggi's headless body and then trying to compare his mugshot • maximus thinking it was the ghoul who beheaded siggi when it was lucy at siggi's request lol • dogmeat barking up a storm because she wanted cooper's foolishness upon lucy to cease • "you know, they use to do these things called "studies"" like lucy doesn't know what a study is? she's a teacher! 😭 • rads going up because of the water or cooper or both? • ok so i now get why when lucy told cooper torture was wrong that he went into a whole spiel--- not only was cooper in the military but for thirty years post war, dom pedro kept him in a coffin confined on an iv drip to keep him alive but would dig him up and slice pieces of him off and then put him back. cooper's behaviour using her as bait [but not torture] is of course not excusable but cooper is coming from a deep place of hurt and bitterness, this monster was whittled

• cooper goes on to say "it made sense. i mean a man hurts me, i wouldn't want to do him any favours. and yet the practice of torture failed to vanish from the earth. in fact, as time marched on, i've personally noticed a decided uptick in the amount of torture being doled out across the board." oh, cooper 😞 • he says this as he picks what looks like giant leeches off lucy [didn't have to do that] • "well, i ain't torturing you, sweetheart" here go the first instance of familiarity with a patronising pet name in the style of cowboyism and southerness gldgldlf • almost looked like lucy started cooperating when cooper told her he was using her as bait gldgldl • ok so it looks like cooper cut the rope? so lucy could get free i guess idk but then the gulper got ahold of the anchor so he couldn't reel it back? [not sure, anyways, he botched this lmao] • he starts striking at the gulper with what looks like a harpoon i guess when it catches lucy's leg [could've definitely let her get ate but didn't] • lucy basically saves herself with dogmeat biting the gulper and scaring it off • cooper empties lucy's bag and destroys her stuff so it's only right cooper's karma is his vials getting smashed in the process of using lucy for bait lol • cooper getting mad and taking out his gun and cocking it at lucy like it was her fault his shit got smashed 😭 • "oh, i'm sorry, i should just let you use me as bait in the poison river!?" the way she says it always almost brings a tear to my eyes like get his ass 😭 • for the first time in the show, cooper realises he was wrong and/or messed up [and to his detriment] • lucy protests her treatment, "do unto others as you would have done unto you" and cooper starts mumbling to himself "those gulpers digest real slow. you got time." because he already going through withdrawals, help • so he ties her up like a dog and says the wasteland got its own rule and it's "thou shalt get distracted by bullshit every goddamn time" 😭 this is so a reference to gameplay and how they themselves are going on a fucking side quest lmao • lucy asking about dogmeat 😢 dogmeat staying because that gulper has siggi's head ☹️

• lmao maximus masquerading as lord titus asking thaddeus to say something about him • you know? it's good writing to me to explain why a [secondary] character would bully or behave as thaddeus has to maximus--- he's not merely a side character and wanted to say nothing but nice things about maximus when he thought he died, i'll give him that • "we can judge a person and a society by how they treat their enemy" goes boom because of the game lore and also because somebody kills all those raider prisoners lol • this disconnect between the vault dwellers and wastelanders--- they're talking about teaching these people shakespeare when some of them eat people for survival • norm wants the raiders to die and they keep showing steph and this might be a red herring but i think she poisoned them mfs, personally • hmm why does steph know what hank would do in this situation like that flgdlgdl • maximus trying to protect thaddeus from danger • thaddeus calling cooper an abomination because he's a ghoul 😭🖐️ • the little scream thaddeus makes as the gulper gets him ❤️ • dogmeat really loved siggi ☹️ • cooper and lucy walking near an incinerated hollywood tour bus is so lmao why cooper walk past that • at first i thought cooper was displaying cruelty by not letting lucy drink his water but then it occurred to me it might be irradiated, the next scene with water like this, she gets sick from radiation from drinking water • lmao when he emptied the last drops of water in his canteen out in the sand in front of her 😭 • "ain't much stays clean up here, vaulty" he is talking about himself • lucy gazing at a billboard of vault boy, cooper shooting the face, then they cut to vault boy's origins being cooper--- • symbolism and parallels like this can kill a man but i did want to just say there's so many layers to this. to be short he has such contempt, shame for what he thinks he's done, people hundreds of years later worship this thing that represents the end of civilization and he feels responsibility because he was deceived as well. lucy none the wiser. she just thinks he's crazy and horrible for no reason. if only she knew. • the road to hell is paved with good intentions

[bucknastysbabe]

Hi, I am literally awful at making requests and I really hope you’re currently taking requests but I read your fic about Chubby!Bucky and was wondering if you could reverse it, like a short plus size reader and normal movie like Bucky , but not one where he just accepts her body because looks aren’t important but one where he worships her body, he doesn’t just think curves are okay for a woman he loves curves on a woman, you can make it an established relationship or a not, I prefer it not to be an established relationship but just write whatever flows. A smut story would be what I am asking for, some light dom!bucky sub!reader. If it’s not too much to ask can you throw in a kissing/spit kink, not too much focus on spitting but about slobbery messy kisses. Sorry if this is a rambling mess but I hope you can work with it, thank you, love your writing. 💜

YES I GOTCHU!! Always taking requests. Also I got what you meant don’t put yourself down DAMMIT *angry pointing*!! Sorry for the wait had a writers block moment this week but hope you enjoy :)

Big softie buck luvs his chubby gf

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1,830

Tags: V!fingering, rough sex, pnv!sex, sloppy kissing, dirty talk, fluff and smut, Bucky is Babie, plus size!reader

A/N: Idk where the breeding kink hopped in but y’know how it be folks.

Bucky had a skip in his step going down the street. He was done with all of the bullshit paperwork in the Flagsmashers aftermath. Sam was taking over mantle of Steve amazingly, Walker was ousted and shamed, and they even got Sharon back into the states. Although he wasn’t completely sure about her.

Regardless he could breathe and go see his sweetie. Perfect, patient, lovely, and owner of the most wondrous curves. Bucky had to keep his dick in his pants for now. He carried a bouquet of roses and some chocolates, hustling down the row of brownstones. His girlfriend was very talented in her career and managed to buy one for herself.

He fought back his giddy grin when rapping on the red wooden door. It slowly opened to reveal her pretty face, mussed hair, and adorable huge t-shirt. The man had to shove down his intense desire knowing that was his shirt. She yelped in surprise, practically launching on the super-soldier.

Bucky laughed and grabbed her under the ass to keep the crying thing from falling. He chuckled, “Hey, hey, you’ll mess up the chocolates hold on.” She grabbed the package blindly and tossed them on a side table. She nuzzled into his scruff, arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

She sniffled, “Don’t need em- I got you.” The super soldier shook his head with a toothy smile, placing the flowers on another surface while leading the pair to the living room. He stroked her back in an attempt to quiet her crying. Bucky did not need to have the usual happy-go-lucky woman crying over the likes of him.

Sitting back onto the plush couch he murmured, “I’m back now, done, you’ll want to kick me out before the end of it.” His flesh hand thumbed away a tear and tipped her chin up. The girl wiped at her eyes and half-giggled and sobbed, “I know, I was so worried during it all. The news aren’t good for my nerves.”

Bucky wanted to sappily get lost in her watery eyes, framed by long clumped lashes. He murmured while stroking along her lush sides, “I can give you first hand doll,” he absently waved, “Tell me about you.” She rolled her eyes and replied, “Work, worrying, watching Alpine, I started a new project.”

As soon as the white cat was mentioned she appeared, purring and snuggling up to the pair. Bucky felt his eyes slightly water as he croaked, “There’s my sweet girl.” The cat let out a little ‘mrow?’ and promptly bit his hand. The couple busted into guffaws, Bucky snarking, “I guess that’s what I deserve.”

He leaned back, pulling his girl onto his chest.

“So tell me about that project, baby.”

He was listening to her talk about work and the project, really, but other things were starting to rear their head. She was so soft against him, lovely curves and pillowy breasts. The woman seemed sleepy recounting the latest news, words slightly stumbling. Bucky figured it was time for a wakeup call. So he grabbed a handful of ass, smirking lecherously.

She squeaked and bolted upright, gaping at Bucky. He snickered, “What?” She narrowed her eyes and groped his half-hard dick in return, the brunette’s eyes rolling with a breathy laugh. Bucky rumbled, “Sorry sweetheart, y’feel so good I lost control.” He squeezed again and nosed along her jaw— drawing out a gasp.

“Imagine how I’ve felt, toys don’t do the trick when I have a sexy super hero saving the world.”

Bucky grew jealous. He didn’t care if they were inanimate— only Bucky gets to watch his sweet girl lose herself in pleasure. He growled, “Oh yeah? What did you try?” She bit on her lower lip, eyes darting to the side, face flushing with embarrassment. Bucky ground his heavy cock against her thin underwear to goad her along.

She mumbled, “The vibrator, mm, then the shower one, y’know with the suction.”

He could’ve taken her right there imagining his girlfriend whining frustratedly on the dildo in the shower— curves slick, soapy, and bouncing with her movements. Bucky nipped her bottom lip sharply, relishing in her whimper. He cooed, “Didn’t do ya’ a lick of good either huh baby? Needed this to treat you right.” He rutted again for good measure, cock throbbing insistently. She shivered on his thighs, eyes growing glossy in desire.

She whimpered, “B-Buck, please.”

He growled, “Open.”

The girl did so obediently, widening lax lips. Bucky tilted her head back and dropped some of his spit onto her tongue. He commanded, “Swallow.” She whined thinly, throat bobbing as she did so. Her plush thighs were practically vibrating on his toned ones.

“Please, fuck, fuck,” she cried, tears pricking.

Bucky grabbed a soft cheek forcefully and claimed her lips. She pressed forward clumsily, heavy tits on his chest and little hands wrenching his jacket. Bucky dominated the kiss, his baby too overcome to do much except weak kisses and drooling. He laughed while sucking on her tongue, plundering the cute thing’s mouth.

It was sloppy. Bucky was in heaven. He liked knowing he could reduce her to tears and careless kisses without even getting in her pants. She mouthed against his lips, practically rutting to get closer. Which on that note, he snuck a hand down her plush tummy to get at her pussy. She cried out again, gasping hotly into the super soldier’s mouth.

Bucky slid two flesh fingers across her weeping slit and groaned, “Fuck- sweetheart you’re so wet.” She warbled, “Missed you, please.” In a fitful movement, Bucky flipped her around on his lap. Full ass thickly against his cock and now all of her soft parts for him to grab freely. She seemed too dazed to register, whimpering at the manhandling.

Nibbling on her neck Bucky hummed, “Can you take my shirt off for me baby? Hm?”

She flushed and nodded shyly. He hated when she got shy, thinking her extra padding wasn’t the sexiest thing he’d laid eyes on. Bucky was a man, he wanted something to grab on when he fucked a girl stupid. She shucked off the shirt, almost curling in on herself.

“No- no- you better stop it. Still like ya’ curves doll,” he tutted.

An annoyed whine was his response.

So Bucky ripped off her underwear with his vibranium arm, donning a shit eating grin. The woman yelping and jolting on his cock. Bucky snickered, “That’s what ya’ get, now I get to see it all.” Her face flushed even prettier, swollen lips lax and wet. He grabbed handfuls of her soft tits and groaned deeply, massaging and tweaking the tender flesh.

Her head fell back again the brunette’s shoulder, brokenly whimpering his name. Bucky murmured, “So sweet, missed my baby.” He thumbed at a peaked nipple and circled around it, sending her ass rocking back against his throbbing cock. Regretfully leaving her breast, he slid his other hand to grope at plush hips and belly before drawing fingers against her slick cunt.

She urged breathlessly, “Oh, c’mon touch me bear, oh!”

He sucked a dark mark behind her ear while delving two vibranium fingers into her slick channel— hot, pulsing, and oh-so-soaked. He grunted in arousal, thrusting and curling his fingers. Bucky growled, “Be a good girl and ride my hand.” She nodded vigorously, mewling and canting her hips against the heel of his palm.

Bucky gritted his teeth to hold back from her ass rubbing perfectly along his strained dick. He had to compartmentalize. Objective one, make his Angel cum. Then he can have a go. She squealed on a perfectly timed curl of fingers on the g-spot and his smooth palm against her clit.

The man used his other hand to grab and pull at her bouncing breasts, mouth leaving a mess of marks all over her neck. She began to tremble, hands twitching to find purchase. His sweetie wailed, “Buck, oh goddd, m’so close baby!” The former assassin paused his bite to growl, “Let go, I know it feels s’good. Then I’ll fuck ya’ raw.”

That did the trick. She loved fucking raw. Bucky had an inkling his girl had been wanting him to knock her up. He wouldn’t mind, more tits, more curves, and a Junior. But Bucky was selfish and wanted her to himself for now— no sharing. Her gushing all over his hand brought Bucky out of his fantasies.

She sucked in deep breaths, exhaling with moans, body wracked with pleasure. Bucky cooed and eased her down, drawing his hand out of her. He could bust right now at the slick coating his pants. She turned and begged for a kiss silently, eyelashes fluttering.

They kissed again, softer this time, softly intertwining their tongues. She whispered into Bucky’s mouth, “Your turn, old man.” Bucky snickered and rolled his eyes dramatically, nipping her upper lip teasingly. She reached behind blindly to help him unbutton, lips sealing together with wet smacks.

Bucky moaned when his achy cock hit the air, her slick center so close to where he needed it buried. She mewled, “Take me, use me baby, get it out.” Later, the man would deny the absolutely pathetic noise he made. Bucky aligned the ruddy tip of his cock to her and gritted his jaw at being sheathed. Her back arched at the intrusion, mouthing at Bucky’s scruff.

He gripped onto her wide hips and lifted her up and down on his cock. Basically a cocksleeve at this point with the way Bucky was slamming his angry cock in. She cried and babbled at the rough treatment, incoherent slurs. Bucky choppily grunted and moaned, veins pulsing with sheer need. She felt so fucking good.

Bucky hissed, “That’s my- hah- best girl, bein’a good little fucktoy.”

She nodded deliriously, drool running down a corner or her gaping mouth, tits bouncing wildly as she held onto Bucky’s hands for dear life. The brunette was going to blow quick at this rate— his girl was sucking him in too good. She seized up and squeezed his dick like a vice.

She had cum again, only a shrill yelp and Bucky’s cock being throughly milked as the indicator. His baby fell limp against him, nuzzling into his sweaty cheek. His balls were full up and pulsing, ready to release. Another one, two, three pumps Bucky came with a loud cry of her name.

He slumped into the couch, still seating inside of his girlfriend while riding out the aftershocks. He could vaguely hear her whimpering about being full under the blood rushing in Bucky’s ears. He wrapped his arms around her soft midsection, suddenly very tired. She hissed, “Not there.”

Yawning, Bucky snorted, “No way in hell baby. Can’t a man hug the woman he loves who just made him see stars?”

She narrowed her eyes for a pause then pecked his lips. The woman murmured, “Fine. Since you’re the man I love who made me see stars two times.”

“Well I could count two since you’re in my lap.”

“Hush.”

[b0nebat]

Sorry if this is a weird ask but honestly your artwork of guys who are girls (sid in particular tbh) has actually helped me come to terms with my butch identity and ig 'transition.' I'd been struggling with wanting to go on T for a while because "at what point do I stop being a wannabe butch lesbian and start just being a man" as i also use he/him exclusively, its sucked feeling dysphoric all because i didn't wanna potentially face ostracization and ousting from my local les community. The way you're willing to draw lesbians who have small tits and broad shoulders and never doubt or question their existence as lesbians has been incredibly gender affirming and its helped me a lot in exploring what my lesbianism means to me & how I want to explore it going forward with my gender presentation. Thank you so much!!!

Aw man I wish I had the energy to talk about gender stuff online like I used to back in the day, but just know this is quite the common sorta feeling that's been happening since at least the 90s with lesbians!

Stuff I read is from the 90s anyways, but it has been a thing for much longer since even the 70s but I haven't had the chance to find and read stuff yet since then! (Very much helps and makes me feel less crazy in my feelings hearing stories and reading from lesbians way back then)

But very neat to see how many people take in my work! I never expected to have an impact on anyone

(Fun fact but Sid's actually not my oc btw she belongs to @teiknu)

[assortedvillainvault]

heyy I know I sent in a request already that you haven't gotten around to so feel no pressure to rush to get this one done or anything, but would you mind doing headcanons for Hook and Hades (seperately) with an s/o that struggles with anxiety and ocd (it can cause a lot of depressive episodes and emotional outbursts ie. excessive tears/panic bc of the toll that intrusive thoughts can take on someone) ? Thank you ❤

Heya Bee, oh absolutely can do, soft villain headcannons incoming:

(also pls look after yourself, you're a lovely bean and I'm well aware the stress these thoughts of things can put us through. Big hugs across the screen from me)

Hook x Anxious/OCD S/O:

Oh love-

He knows, he knows exactly what it is you're going through. He spirals similarly enough, afterall.

You have activated Soft Gentleman, Supportive mode.

The crew are quiet, anybody making ...excessive noise is subject to Hook miming their innards being pulled out with a tuning fork. A threat he will act on if the disturbance continues.

He's wrapped you in his softest blankets, he's settled in as the big spoon, and you're free to talk about it if you want, no judgement. If you don't he understands also, he doesn't like to voice his worst days either.

The pet names are coming in thick and fast, as though through sheer force of sentiment he can oust the dark thoughts from your head. It's a 50/50 success rate, but you love him all the more for it.

He wasn't always this good at being your rock though.

When you first started being together, some of your outbursts took him by surprise, and his panic response is to match the energy. There was. A lot of shouting. He took some things personally when he shouldn't have, you said things you didn't mean, and it was a rough road for a while as the crew kept out of their irate captains way and you pointedly avoided anyone and everything.

Smee had to get firm with both of you.

The older man pointedly told Hook that he should have learnt from his own panic attacks and Smee's own treatments that escalating the situation only makes everybody feel awful. He, more gently, told you that Hook nor the crew are mind readers and better communication was needed between you both to ensure that your feelings were properly addressed without risk of sinking the Jolly Rodger.

The first proper talk was like pulling teeth on both sides.

Hook is not used to being someones emotional anchor, but rose to the occasion tremendously once you haltingly explained what exactly your emotions were doing to you. He even asked about anything he and the crew should avoid, thinking of his own triggers with Pan, Ticktok and long, dark nights of phantom pain.

His aquiesence and understanding immediately put some of your greater fears at ease. The more long lasting ones are dealt with as they rise, and it gets easier and easier to ask for help as you two go on.

You often fall asleep together after an outburst, curled on the bed in a blanket nest that is forbidden from being disturbed.

Hades x x Anxious/OCD S/O:

Hades is a bit slower on the uptake.

For all that he's an excellent manipulator and able to pick up your reasoning very intuitively, this isn't a 'reason' based thing, and gods often struggle to relate to mortal fears and feelings.

It's not something he can waft away with a couple glib jokes and a quick snuggle.

That doesn't mean that he isn't willing to put the work in to figure out how to help you once he realises just how serious this is.

He snaps you both to his 'resort' by the styx (officially the most relaxing place he's tried to make down there) and sits you both down. You end up basically in his lap, head on his chest, taking advantage of his space - heater warmth as he wraps both arms around you and sighs.

"Ok babe. Talk to me."

You start, stuttering and embarrassed, forcing words into the open even as tears come and he wipes them away with one gaunt finger.

It's terryfying to say it out loud, because saying it makes it real, but saying it also shines a different perspective on such thoughts. They take on a decidedly more insubstantial air when echoing in the vast patient expanse of the underworld, vs whirling around your cramped noggin.

Hades also has a very analytical way of looking at things, which helps you rationalise thoughts that you've been stuck on for days, weeks or months. You find you're more able to put them to rest once you've seen Hades turn the thought around in his mind like a puzzle, come to a conclusion, and say so out loud with a shrug and a squeeze.

You have to remember this as well - Gods literally have forever. They're patient, and view time very differently from mortals, who tend to cram so much into their brief lifespan that they barely leave room to think. Hades can and will sit with you for hours, Underworlds schedule be damned, and while there you finally take notice of how nice it is to slow down, properly take time to think, and appreciate being snug in his arms.

You talk until you start to feel sleep creeping up on you, your head lolling against his chest, limbs like lead.

Hades chuckles, and you find smoke curling along your sides and around your back, solidifying into a blanket the same weight and shade as his own himation (the black cloak pinned at the shoulder over his chiton).

"You should wear my colours more often babe, ya make sleepy look salacious."

You snort and flick him in the chin. He cackles and plants a kiss on your forehead. With another snap of his fingers you're both teleported away for a night of well deserved rest, content.

I hope these are ok for you Bee, I'm living for Soft Villain times. Thanks so much for the request and I hope you're having a lovely day!

[ilmarin]

really really wish they dragged out the sauron/celebrimbor scenes much more: it’s different from annatar!sauron yes, but i’m also enjoying the possibilities in how the show flipped it. instead of sauron showing up claiming to be an actual emissary of the Valar, pretending to be a human blacksmith who is simply awed by celebrimbor still feels sneaky in a very sauron-y way (look at how he butters up ar-pharazon while egging on the invasion of valinor). the way his demeanour just flipped from being more prideful and sometimes snarky with galadriel— to being outright wide-eyed, admiring and reverent with celebrimbor was some delightful chameleon shit. 

and because it’s like. book canon celebrimbor has a great friendship with the dwarves, he’s not from grandpa fëanor’s “we ALONE shall be the masters of the beauty and bliss of arda! no other race shall oust us!!” school of thought. of course, celebrimbor would be warm towards an admiring human blacksmith who is as enthusiastic about forging and crafting shit as he is. i would’ve ate up a whole episodes’ worth of this deceptive master-apprentice dynamic between celebrimbor and sauron lol. poor brimby genuinely being attracted to and enjoying giving a young mortal man the rare opportunity to learn about elven smithing! delighting in how “halbrand” finds even the stuff elven smiths might take for granted fascinating and wonderful! while sauron is both legitimately enjoying being back in his element and manipulating celebrimbor by recycling his greatest ‘im just a wide-eyed student’ hits from when he was an apprentice of Aulë. one could even throw in some fond, melancholic celebrimbor thoughts about “halbrand’s” supposed “mortality” and how he will never have all the ages celebrimbor has to refine his craft for garnish, lmao. the eventual betrayal vibes would’ve been so delicious. 

[blackjackkent]

Poor Hector is not at all feeling optimistic at present, and I don't really blame him. The zaith'isk ordeal really did a number on him and he's completely unsure what the right and wrong actions are here, or who is a friend and who is an enemy.

The deep recesses of the monastery here appear to have been dug out of a sort of cave or canyon area. (Odd choice for a monastery devoted to the god of dawn.) It's full of bats and (I assume) bat dung and just generally very ominous-feeling.

And there he is, the man himself:

Sir, your office looks fuckin' awful.

Honestly surprised he didn't oust Therezzyn out of her office rather than take this super cracked-up area.

"Ahhh...our esteemed guest," he says as Hector approaches. The door behind them clangs shut with a heavy, uncomfortably final sort of noise. "Please approach. We have much to discuss."

The gith inquisitor has a surprisingly gentle voice and looks them over appraisingly as they move into the room.

"My ardents spoke of one of our kin that escaped a crashing ghaik slave-vessel."

"Ch'r'ai," Lae'zel says reverently. "Vlaakith's justice in flesh."

The man's sharp features twist in a slow smile. "You have accomplished much, child. I am pleased to finally meet you." His gaze shifts to Hector, and the warmth falls away, replaced by a piercing intensity. "I hear there is so much goblin blood on your hands that it soaks their children's nightmares."

It is not a description that brings Hector any pleasure. He frowns, flinches back slightly, and the inquisitor smirks tightly, knowingly. "To business. I suspect you plucked something precious from the ghaik ship. Something that belongs to us." The smile fades, replaced by a firm authority that expects no disobedience. "The weapon. Give it to me."

"Don't do it..." wails the dream guardian in Hector's mind. "The weapon is how I protect you!"

"Do it," Lae'zel insists in counterpoint. "Do not disobey the inquisitor."

Hector hesitates, puts his hand on the artifact in his pack...then pauses, and tries a different kind of truth. "I can't," he says honestly. "It protects me."

He has gone along with everything thus far because he hopes... desperately... that Lae'zel could be right. That the gith purify their infected. That those who have already responded otherwise were part of some conspiracy. That this man is their ally.

And if all those things are true, telling him of the artifact's power over their safety is not only valid but necessary.

And if they aren't...

The inquisitor's expression goes hard. "Indeed? And what does it protect you from?"

"The voice of the Absolute," Hector says. Honest. Steady. Direct...

And his worst fears are confirmed. All around him, the guards in the room draw their crossbows and sight down on the group, and W'wargaz draws the enormous greatsword from his back with a single, lithe movement.

"If you hear that voice at all, you are infected," the inquisitor snarls. Any pretense of welcome or good humor has vanished. "And it is my people who need protecting from you! Hta'zith!"

Shit.

[news-of-the-day]

5/25/23

Putin announced Russia would be sending nuclear weapons to Belarus. It would maintain control of them but they would be housed there. Yevgeny Prigozhin, leader of the Wagner mercenary group, announced they were withdrawing from Bakhmut following Russia's victory, and added 20K of his troops died in the battle.

Floridian Governor deSantis announced his candidacy for the 2024 presidential election. People have been talking about him running for president for so long, I hadn't realized he hadn't actually officially launched his campaign yet.

The announcement was streamed live on twitter but there were many technical difficulties, which people like to point out as Musk's failures after his takeover of the company. Musk has been vocalizing for a bit that he wants to step back from twitter to return focus on Tesla and SpaceX, and last month he announced a new CEO, Linda Yaccarino, head of advertising and partnerships at NBC.

I'm trying very hard to keep on top of the Pakistani elections but the situation keeps changing regularly. You may remember there's a big hubbub regarding former Pakistani Prime Minister, Imran Khan, who was ousted a year ago after a no-confidence vote. My general sense is the existing powers that be are trying everything to keep him from running again, from throwing antiterrorism or bribery charges at him. In the past week the government has considered banning his party altogether after there were clashes with police when they tried to arrest Khan or just protest in general. Thousands of members of his party have already been arrested and many high-profile leaders have resigned. It's a very tense situation. The backdrop to all this is Pakistan is running out of money and is on the edge of a default, trying to convince the IMF to bail it out.

US jobless claims rose slightly to 229K last week, and unemployment fell to 3.4% in April. GDP was 1.3% annualized rate in Q1.

The Supreme Court handed down a ruling limiting the EPA's ability to regulate wetlands under the terms of the Clean Water Act.

Richard Barnett, the man who was pictured putting his feet up on Pelosi's desk during the January 6th riot, was sentenced to 4.5 years.

I apologize, yesterday I forgot to mention the fire that killed 19 students was in Guyana. It's also come to light the student's phone was confiscated because she was texting her older boyfriend, who is now expected to be charged for statutory rape since she was under 16, so the entire situation is awful and terrible.

1) Politico, Guardian, WSJ 2) Miami Herald 3) NYT, Barrons 4) WSJ, Al Jazeera 5) Reuters 6) USA Today 7) Washington Post

[valkyrie-night-103]

"I can fix him. and myself. but mostly him." Sounds quite intresting!

This is the second longest of my WIPs! Well, calling it a WIP is a tad misleading- it was a mostly revised piece that I had mixed feelings about and so I never got it up to posting quality! I took a look at it for the first time in months and decided to polish it up! If any of you, even just the one person, would like to see this on the archive, please let me know!

Kenny/Hangman with (past) Golden Lovers - set approximately 2 days after Hangman was ousted from the Elite for interfering with Matt and Nick’s qualifying match.

Content warnings for Alcoholism, suicidal ideation, general mental illness, mild violence/threatening behaviour toward a friend/loved one

Disclaimer: mobile formatting sucks

Word Count : 2.9k

Kenny doesn’t know what he was expecting, but he does know he wasn’t expecting the door to actually open.

Adam is pale and gaunt from lost sleep. The bags under his eyes are heavy and deep, his face as grave and unreadable as the moment he interfered with the qualifying match.

“You look awful.” Kenny blurts, like a total dumbass.

Adam, understandably, scoffs and slams it shut. Kenny jams his foot in the gap to stop it closing completely, making a strangled and frankly embarrassing noise as Adam tries to force it to close. He seems to realise that Kenny’s foot is the obstruction, because he hears a loud sigh from the other side of the door.

“I just want to talk.” Kenny tries, voice softening like Adam’s will to resist him. “I’m not here to shout at you.”

“What is there to talk about?” He sighed. “I fucked up.”

“Well, yeah.” Kenny mumbled. “You’ve been in there for days. I’m worried about you, man.”

Kenny wishes he could say that the Bucks would get over it, or some other comforting bullshit. They both know that they don’t forgive easily. Matt especially tends to hold grudges and be angry for far longer than is strictly necessary, Kenny knows that much firsthand.

Adam says nothing in favour of looking down at his feet. After a long moment, he steps aside, allowing Kenny to enter the room.

“You’ll always have me.” He promises. Even now, it feels a little empty. He knows Adam will see right through it. After all, if he broke it twice when promising to the person he loved- loves, more than anything, why would this be different?

Adam just looks at him with an expression he can’t quite identify. Skepticism, perhaps.

“I’m not going to leave you.” He repeats, that same hollow sentiment.

“You say that now.” Adam said, gently pushing the door with his free hand, letting the door swing closed on it’s own. “I give it a month until the wheels fall off, we’ll see how you feel then.”

Kenny wants to shake him and tell him to stop being so ridiculous. He reigns himself in, glancing away, eyes trailing toward the bed, which is a mess. His gaze falls upon the whiskey bottle on the nightstand. It’s partially empty, maybe about a quarter full, and Kenny knows it probably wasn’t completely full when Adam got hold of it, but still, that’s a lot of alcohol over about a few days.

He feels so stupid. How did he not see that something was wrong?

“Why did you do it?” Kenny asks, gently. Adam sends him a sharp look and he raises his hands in front of him in surrender. “I’m not criticising. I just want to understand.”

“If we stepped in that ring with them again, we’d be risking more than just our titles, we’d be putting everything on the line. They’d do anything for those titles, even ending our careers. The Elite wouldn’t survive that. I couldn’t put you through another civil war.”

Kenny know he’s not wrong. He’s been having very similar anxieties himself. He loves the Bucks, of course he does, but their driven nature has it’s downsides.

He notices the wording, the use of you rather than us. Was Adam trying to protect him? That doesn’t sound right. Maybe in a roundabout way he wanted to protect Matt and Nick, too. That sounds a little more likely, but only a little. Kenny knows better than anyone that emotions run high wherever the Bucks are involved.

“How long have you been feeling this way?” Kenny asks, changing the subject. “How long have you been-“ his eyes flicker over to the bottle and Adam looks away again.

“I’m not sure” he admits, mumbling slightly as he speaks. He’s embarrassed, but seems to think he owes it to Kenny to be honest or something. He looks away. “I don’t really remember when it started.“

Fuck. That’s scary. Not to mention deeply upsetting. He’s glad Adam is still looking down at his boots, because he knows that the expression on his face could be read as pity, and he knows that Adam would probably kick him out immediately had he seen.

“Everything after losing to Jericho is- not blurry, but- spotty. So I guess that’s when it started. Either that or I need to stop hitting my head and actually, y’know, be a good wrestler.”

He wheezes out a laugh like the self-deprecation is funny, shaking his head like he can’t even understand how Kenny can look so unamused. He knows what it’s like to be in that headspace, where you feel like a joke, an impostor.

God, he’s the world’s worst tag team partner. The world’s worst friend. How could he have missed this? Granted, the Bucks have too, so he’s not completely alone in his idiocy, but it’s not like they’ve ever made any claims to be perceptive of the feelings of those around them.

Without much thought, he closes the distance and hugs Adam tightly. It takes him less than a second to realise that was probably the worst thing he could have done. Adam stiffens, and Kenny is already backing off and apologising as Adam shoves his chest with both hands. Kenny lands right on his ass.

“You’re so full of shit.” Adam scoffed. He almost snarls the words out, but there’s no vitriol to prop them up. He’s smiling bitterly, shaking his head as he speaks.

“Maybe,” Kenny admits, trying desperately to be patient. He’s not known for his honesty, never claimed to be. “But I still think I know what you’re feeling right now.” He says, keeping his voice gentle as if he knows the words are more than a little risky. Inflammatory, almost.

Adam just looks down at him, his eyes more world-weary and sorrowful than hostile. He looks closer to Kenny’s age, almost 10 years older. Kenny knows, at least in some capacity, that the Elite is the reason.

“I know how it feels to mess up a title shot for someone you care about.” He says, and he can’t help the melancholy regret that seeps into his voice at that admission. “If anyone understands, it would be me, right?”

Adam looks away, posture softening, but only a little. He knows Kenny is at least somewhat right. There’s a silence, and they each take the time to breathe, thankful that it won’t escalate to a shouting match. That’s not what Kenny came here for, and Adam locked himself in here to avoid conflict. Adam sits on the edge of the bed, and Kenny rises to join him, sitting cross-legged.

“Was it ever the same again, after that?” Adam asks. He knows he’s on fragile ground. “I mean, he forgave you, right? You looked so happy.”

“No.” He says immediately, shaking his head. “No, It was never the same.”

Adam looks even more upset, and now he feels like a total dick, honesty or no. He’s a little confused, as far as he was aware Adam hadn’t been comfortable with the way things were, but he also gets that it’s hard when you realise that things will never be the same. It’s like they say, you can never really go home again. The places and the people have changed, the old mall torn down, the playground abandoned, the childhood friends moved away. In Kenny’s case, he supposes he was the one who moved away, who made that town feel empty and hollow.

The metaphor is running away from him, he knows it, and he tries to organise his thoughts. The words come with the same ease as always, if a little frantic.

“He was different after it all. I was too. Not always bad different, we were happy, in the end. In some ways we were better because of it. It took time to build things back up, and it wasn’t easy sometimes, but it was worth it. He was always worth it.” His voice falters, he can feel himself choking. There’s a lump in his throat he can’t swallow down, and it’s getting hard to breathe.

It’s the most he’s talked about him since he left with the rest of the Elite to start AEW. He can’t even remember what he was trying to say after realising he can’t even bring himself to speak Kota’s name when it had once felt so familiar on his tongue.

“What are you trying to tell me, Kenny?” He asks, and Kenny can feel the slight frustration in his voice. Kenny is frustrated too, about a lot of things.

“You won’t find what you’re looking for in gold and leather, Adam. Take it from someone who’s been there.”

“You think you know me.” Adam said. “You think you know me but you don’t.”

“Who are you now then? Edge?”

Adam couldn’t help it. He laughs, shaking his head at the ridiculousness of it all. Kenny gave a fleeting smile, but it fell away just as quickly as it appeared, and the divide between them seems to stretch ever-wider.

“What I’m trying to say- is there’s some things you can’t fix. If you can, it’ll take years of waiting and working at it and even then it’ll never be exactly the same. That means working on yourself too. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but torturing yourself over what could have been is not going to change anything. You’ll just make yourself feel awful.”

“I deserve as much,” he thinks, before realising he said it aloud.

“You don’t!” Kenny snaps, before taking a deep, calming breath. Tries to think of what he wished someone would have told him, tries not to lash out in anger. Matt’s done enough of that for everyone.

“You made a mistake, Adam. What you did was wrong, and you hurt someone. But you don’t deserve to suffer just because you made the wrong choice. What you deserve is to grow and learn from it. Everybody fucks up, I know I have. If we ponder every what-if, we never stop, so where do we draw the line?”

“Are you, uh, done with your little speech yet? Because it’s getting more generic by the second.” Adam says, like a snowball rolling down a hill, gathering anger like speed and mass. “I don’t need your pathetic shounen protagonist monologues. I don’t need your advice. I don’t need you.”

Kenny’s open arms make it so much easier to shove him harder and harder. But he doesn’t fall or waver, doesn’t stumble or fight back, even though Adam’s voice is harsh and his words are worse. He just balls his hands into tight fists, knowing Adam doesn’t mean it. He’s just trying to force a reaction, get him to go away.

It still hurts to actually hear the words that ring through his head, that nobody needs him. The thought that he’s not wanted either is never far behind.

He just wants to help. Why can’t Adam see that? Why can’t he see that Kenny cares, that he cares so much it’s beginning to frighten him? That he’s so afraid, expectant, expecting Adam to break it any second out of fear.

God, how did Kota do this for so long?

He wants to scream, to yell, to hit out, but he knows that Adam wants that too. He wants to fight, he wants Kenny to push him away. He wants Kenny to join the cacophony of voices telling him he’s just not good enough. He wants to isolate himself completely. He doesn’t want to get better, he’s completely given up.

Kenny knows what that feels like, and he’s terrified, because he knows just how close he could be to becoming a singles wrestler once more. He’s been at rock bottom, barely getting through each day. He’s not far from it now. He’s falling again and there’s no slowing his descent. It’s only a matter of time until he hits the ground and becomes a mockery of himself all over again.

It looked a lot different for him than it does for Adam. Drinking replaced with getting more and more reckless in the ring, in the hope that maybe it’ll make him feel worthy.

He knew even back then, that it’ll never be enough for him. Nothing ever will. Not titles, not accolades, not the love of the fans. Not even the love of his friends. Only one man’s love has ever been enough to sate that emptiness inside him, and he has never been worthy of that either.

Every time he leaps into that perfect Terminator dive, he finds himself hoping that he’d fuck up and it’d all be over in a blink. It’s vivid in his memory, the way the notion of such an abrupt end had soothed the ache in him for just a moment. He’s felt that way for a long time now. It was manageable for a while, but now it just feels so impossible.

He knows he shouldn’t be thinking like this, so he just looks down, tries to collect himself, sort out his breathing and get rid of that sick feeling in his chest. Adam is on his feet now, he’s after the high ground. Kenny won’t let it matter.

“Maybe you don’t, maybe you do. Either way, I’m not just going to let you dig your own grave over here, so-“

“You want to help yourself.” Adam spat. Kenny squeezes his eyes shut, tries to withstand it. Adam knows his buttons, he’s always worn them on his sleeve. Adam, like most people, usually tends to dance around them like his life depends on it. Now he’s just pressing shit to see which one gets the result he needs.

“You need me to keep those titles you love so much. You care about titles more than you’ve ever cared about anyone, more than you’ve ever loved anything!”

Kenny goes quiet, jaw tightening. He can feel that familiar anger seeping into his bones, can feel his hands coiling into fists. Adam knows his words have found their mark.

“You, Matt, Nick, I know what y’all do. You take and take until you can’t anymore, ‘til there’s nothing, fucking nothin’ left. Even Ibushi knew it, why else would he st-“

Kenny is on his feet before he even realises he wanted to move. Adam’s back is slamming into the wall before his brain confirms that any movement had occurred. Kenny is almost vibrating with nervous, frantic energy that seems to distill into anger. His eyes are charged, an electric blue that seems endless. His blood is surging, forearm braced across Adam’s collar from shoulder to shoulder, pressing but not quite hurting. But he could, if he wanted to.

Adam stops mid sentence, knowing that if he keeps talking he’s going to lose a tooth or several. Either way, he couldn’t talk if he tried. The impact drove the wind out of him.

Kenny’s always been unflappable. Light hearted, with a goofy sense of humour and a demeanour to match, the most any opponent could get out of him when outside the ring was an amused, unbothered promo that still picked apart the subject, or maybe a petty act of defiance. When it came to his friends, maybe they would have to endure a brief period of Kenny’s sulking, but Kenny is good at taking things on the chin. You have to be, to be in the spotlight for so long.

“I don’t want to hear his name out of your mouth ever again.” Kenny says, calm and methodical, with a tone so low and dangerous that it barely sounds like his voice. “Do you understand?”

Adam’s never seen him like this before, not even close. Adam can hardly look away, he feels frozen, stuck. Every slow breath that Kenny takes seems like a threat. A few moments pass, and Kenny still hasn’t broken the intense stare. There’s something volatile in the air, an explosion feels inevitable, it’s all coming to a head and-

Kenny relents, taking a step back without waiting for an answer, as if the rational part of his brain took the wheel. He’s blinking quickly, trying to hide it by angling his face away. After a few moments of dreadful silence, Adam abruptly realises that Kenny is fighting back tears.

Why is Kenny always so good to him? Even in blinding fury, he was patient. At least Matt and Nick are easy to hate, but Kenny is just so endlessly kind that he can never maintain the feeling. Guilt begins to creep in at the edges of his awareness, spreading like roots of a fast-growing plant. Kenny had willingly exposed his most vulnerable parts in an effort to help him. Kenny had shown him the heart that he guards so closely even when it’s on his sleeve. And Adam had hurt him. Adam made him cry.

He doesn't want to hurt Kenny. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone, but horrible things seem to follow him wherever he goes, like a cloud of acrid smoke. He can never hold his breath long enough to evade it, the more he runs from it the more dust he kicks up, the more this sickness spreads.

“I’m such a prick.” he says, the closest he’ll ever get to an apology. “I’ll get it together before Saturday.”

Kenny nods, quietly. It’s enough.

[creativealmonds]

Steve Rogers: What Was and What Is

Warnings for mention of rape. It’s mentioned and used as an example. I’m not saying the person was right; he was wrong, and nobody deserves that and never will deserve that. 

Modern Steve Rogers and Steve Rogers 1930s addition meet. 

It could be a dream, or it could be time travel bullshit. Endgame or pre-civil war shenanigans

Steve, 6’2, 240 lb, strong and healthy as an ox and horse, respected and admired; meets Steve, 5’4, 95 lb, a disabled, sickly scrap of a kid with too big a mouth and not enough sense to step down.

The way I see it, in the first movie, Steve wanted to be somebody more than himself. Somebody that people would listen to. Bucky tells him, “You’ve got nothin to prove.” But in Steve’s eyes, he wants to be respected without having to kick and fight for it. People see him and see a weak man; to those people, the weak are not respected. 

Post serum Steve has that respect, but it’s respect for Captain America. The personality and persona of the first Avengers movies, “Language!”, of that white, American man, not from anywhere specific to America, just America, that stands up for American beliefs. The people like Coulson want him to sign stuff and speak on behalf of their causes, not because they want Steve Rogers’ opinion but because they want Captain America’s backing. 

Steve gets the respect he wanted, along with hero worship, awe, and someone who is not a person but a title, a set of ideals. 

In Greek mythology, Zeus sleeps with moral women, with and without their consent, and Hera punishes the women and their children for this. On a moral, human level, Hera would be a victim-blaming shrew, and Zeus would be a serial rapist. 

But the Greeks weren’t interested in what these people would be as people. Zeus and Hera are mouthpieces that the authors are using to get a story across. The gods in ancient Greek myth weren’t good; they weren’t ideals to strive for; they were a reflection of the world they lived in. 

The Ancient Greeks didn’t treat women well, and Zeus reflected that. Hera was the goddess of marriage. Anyone breaking their marriage vows would have desiccated her domain. 

Captain America is like Zeus and Hera in the way his image has been used for years to oust certain ideas and beliefs. He’s respected, and people listen when he speaks. 

There’s a purity to Steve in the first movie; he’s an idealist who believes in the good of others. By the time he goes back in time and steals the tesseract from himself, he’s tired and worn out. Slowly, we see him change from an idealist to an idealist that knows that ideals can’t change things on their own. 

He knows he has power. In civil war, all he has to do is ask people to join him, and they do. Some of that is Captain America mystique, but once the rose-tinted venire comes off, people see the same Steve Rogers from 1930s Brooklyn.

I wonder sometimes what he thinks about. “Would they listen to me if I didn’t look like this? If the serum had kept me the same size, but I still got the strength?”

Because he was disabled. He wasn’t given the time of day. Some fans speculate that he was premature, and his mother might have been told to let him die. That he was too much trouble, that he would have too many health issues, that he would cost too much money, and that he wasn't worth keeping alive. Some fans speculate that he is an Irish Catholic, the son of immigrants. In that time, being an Irish immigrant was bad enough; add Catholic on to it, and he’s fighting an uphill battle starting at the bottom of a creek. A poor kid, disabled, and part of a marginalized group would crave respect—to be looked in the eye and not seen as some bug under someone else’s shoe. That type of thing isn’t easily forgotten. 

I can see pre-Steve seeing his future self, what he could be, and asking questions. How did this happen, when did it happen, and what changes? The man he wanted to be is standing in front of him.

Post Steve is seeing who he once was. A kid that doesn’t know what the world can throw at him—the world war, fighting best friend, dying, getting thrown in the future, several alien invasions, super hero shenanigans—is green, naive, and hopeful, and he sees how far he’s come. He’s still Steve “I can do this all day” Rogers but that shine has come off the world. He knew it was there before; he lived in America during the Great Depression and World War II and didn’t take shit from bullies. He knows that the world is cruel. And that sometimes you can’t stop people from being hurt, that you can’t fix things, and that no matter how hard you fight, you can lose everything. 

I want to see how future Steve would see his past self and how past Steve would see his future self. The wonder and not quite belief that this person is you. The nostalgia and reflection of what made you who you once were. 

If a fanfic got written about this or something in this ballpark, I would read it immediately.

[inkwell-intermission]

could you talk more about your ideas/story for innovator?

yes ok i wont go too crazy but i will share some more yess

Innovator was made the head witchunter seeking out heretics who were trying to bring horrorterror worship onto Prospit based off of his symptoms initially, but as the rapid increase in respect and quality of life began he started leaning into it and coming to enjoy his job, eventually coming to expect that kind of respect and enjoying his power over people and the prestige. He starts imagining things instead of waiting for an actual hallucination to occur and lying about what he sees, because he makes commission and gains further notoriety and prestige whenever he makes an arrest, he starts sending people he knows are likely guilty to sometimes execution and often exile, he loves the performance in court, he loves being dramatic as hell and acting like hes having visions like someone in Ancient Greece who would be labeled a prophet for having an epileptic fit

He's actually personally responsible for Scofflaw's exile. Scofflaw comes up in a case that crosses him- an unusually large sect attempting a horrorterror communion is uncovered and stopped, with Scofflaw at the center. He isn't the leader however, who is uncovered to be another man, but he was at the center of the ritual circle to be channeled through. Scofflaw insists he isn't at fault and was coerced and forced into it, but Innovator doesn't feel like it would look good to let him go regardless. He doesn't feel bad or guilty when he orders Scofflaw be marked as a heretic- carving a scar into his barcodes- and exiled.

He moves to Alternia with the rest of the remaining Prospit-Derse officials after Derse wins, the mass evacuation and migration occurs and they all show up on Alternia to find Scofflaw leading a budding city-state. The Prospit-Derse governing bodies soon to become the Metropolis Central government take over the place, which is expected and somewhat welcomed, but Scofflaw is ousted from any kind of leadership position and isn't allowed to be a civil servant because of his Heretical status, so he turns to the followers who are still loyal to him and turns to crime. Innovator is getting sick of blind adoration at this point and joins him, eventually making himself indispensable, and Scofflaw inevitably believes that he cannot complete his own goal of an undying legacy without Innovator, and that he is nothing without him on his side. Also: Innovator takes a horrorterror patron after finding a book in Alternian ruins, an ancient deer of life, putrefaction and decay. During the analogous events to the Problem Sleuth comic, Rather than simply become god, an imaginary version of Pernicious Innovator replaces his own deity, consuming the foul deer, and becoming: Demonhead Pernicious Innovator, The Loathsome Ooze, The Soul of Conceit, The Patron of One. It isn't GPI in nature- rather DPI. Ironically, as GPI is meant to be the master of all universes and not simply the one the comic takes place in normally- GPI already exists in this alternate universe, but has no personal connection to Innovator, creating a near paradox that makes them (DPI and PI) sick to think about. He can also do nearly anything within reason with his horrorterror magic because he is his own patron- so as long as DPI agrees, he can pull a LOT of power from him, considering he's in a committed 1 on 1 patronage and all that power can only go to him- DPI wouldn't take another disciple under just about any circumstance.

He's smart and capable enough of running the Twilight Scoundrels himself but he doesn't want to, he wants to run his funny magic shows and do whatever he wants, not make deals and contracts and worry about paperwork and legalities and trade negotiations! That's awful boring pointdexter shit. Which is why Scofflaw does it (he doesn't trust anyone but himself to do it because what if he gets betrayed and cheated, or someone else fucks it up). So he just has a really good time doing big crazy magic, and takes specific pride that his magic is REAL and NOT A TRICK and he's NOT a fake at all.

Unlike PI he's at this point, intentionally and consistently medicated for his schizophrenia, has a lower alcohol tolerance, and no top surgery. He does still stutter and have some anxiety issues, but they're much easier for him to push through and he lives for the stage. His posture is also really good in comparison. His health improvements counterbalance with his horrorterror patronage however- so he's about the same weight as PI. scoff and innovator have an absolutely nightmarish codependent-adjacent little relationship and drive each other nuts and i like them soooo much. Also Innovator is REALLY on that Hannibal shit with Deadeye and tries to convince him that his regular intrusive thoughts about graphic violence are his secret real desires and that he's fucked up inside and he should embrace it and be cool like him and they should get married and kiss and stuff. God they're all so awful and compelling

hope this was a substantial chunk to chew on :]

[scribble-dee-doo]

uuuh ffvii/trigun crossover go

Cloud discovers the only man on the face of Gaia with worse danger bait than him in a bar on the edge of the Midgar Wastes where it butts up against the endless sand of the desert. If the desert has a name, he's never heard of it - there's not much call to travel this way, anymore, and he never wandered so near a place that could swallow him without a thought before the Midgar Wastes were just Midgar. Deserts in movies are usually golden, and there are streaks and striations of gold peeking up from the ground as it gets sandier, so the blanketing gray is probably dust from the Waste side. It's absolutely fucking dismal. After three days of rocketing across the Waste and straining his eyes to shit trying to figure out where the awful gray sky and awful gray land meet, he's starting to feel itchy all over. Because there's dust in his clothes and Fenrir, for all its many benefits, doesn't carry a shower, sure. Also because the absolute absence of life and the sense that, no matter how fast he drove, he never got anywhere, it was just. A little too close to unreal.

There was a rough second where he saw the buildings - also gray - rising out of the formless horizon and felt like he was waking up from a nightmare. He's telling the next anxious granny with a stupid child "trying to make it" in the devil's asscrack that she could deliver her letters herself.

He's never been quite as conscious of the way Fenrir's engine sounds amongst buildings compared to flat openness as when he rolled into those dust-coated buildings on the dust-coated plains on the rim of the dust-coated desert, and he hopes it's a knowledge he'll forget and never learn again. Room for the night isn't hard to find, Fenrir is too heavy and plain bizarre for anybody to steal it without making an unholy racket and possibly killing themselves, and Cloud finds a fuckoff big sword is a great way to enforce his boundaries without much effort no matter where he is. There's a rangy blue chocobo of a subspecies he's never seen before in the stable, with a narrow neck and face and broadly-splayed feet like snowshoes. He says hi and takes a quick look at what appears to be a dust mask for the bird hanging on the wall, makes a mental note to try finding its owner to talk shop, and beds down in a gray little room he's hoping is too arid for lice or fleas.

He comes down for breakfast the next day and discovers the chocobo's owner and his new best friend was bedded down across the hall from him. He learns this later. When he comes down the rickety stairs of the inn hoping against all hope that they'll have coffee strong enough to oust the headache he's been battling for days, the violently red coat at the bar is the first and only impression he has for a very long moment. Then he notices how the room has more people in it than strictly should be at just after dawn in the middle of nowhere. Last is the way that the overpowering gray even of the interior decorating has been livened up by the brand new scars of a scuffle revealing the underlying color of the wood.

That's probably why he came down with his swords strapped on, even though he's barely conscious for the first five minutes after he's ambulatory. The red is a ridiculous coat, obscuring most of a bloodied body draped backwards over the bar at an angle that makes Cloud's hips twinge. He knows better than to get involved in small-town scuffles and makes for the door.

He narrowly dodges a heart attack when the red coat jolts in the corner of his vision and he's suddenly joined the entire room in pointing swords, clubs, pitchforks, and the remnants of a shattered chair at the body that just sat up like a jack-in-the-box.

"That was way too close," he says, and does a backwards flip off the bar that shouldn't be possible in pants that tight or covered in useless belts.

[harrison-abbott]

Having read many books, I often find bits of language which I find offensive, as a man living in 2023. There are many classic authors who use racist vocabulary, which I’ll notice, and usually tend to ignore – because I try to look for the good linguistic parts instead.

 I get that many older authors (who are now dead) were ‘living in different times’ and that they would not write like that if they were living today. If you agree? There are snippets in Moby Dick where Melville is flagrantly racist. Charles Dickens had the odd moment, too. John Don Passos’ U.S.A. trilogy is filled with it. They were all great writers; and it’s when there’s a slur or a dig at another nationality or skin colour you just think ‘urgh, that’s not cool’.

 So. ^ I was reading this earlier today. And it has a nice premise for a book, and it was quality writing. It’s set in Budapest, in the aftermath of World War II. I was liking it. Then in the first or second chapter, I noticed this anti-Semitic phrase used. I chose to brush it off. And kept reading … Until I got to page 35, where the narrator said thus:

 “The thought of being fed from some knick knack that had belonged to a destitute stranger bound for the gas chamber would have made him leap out of bed, half dead as he was.”

 Wow. I thought. That’s just brutal. The narrator is referencing a Jewish person that was ousted from Budapest and, umm, indeed, sent to a camp where he was murdered. And I stopped reading the book.

 There was that initial slight against the Jews, and then the above quote. I just couldn’t think of a good reason to continue reading the novel, if the writer makes that kind of remark. That’s a Holocaust jibe: awful – you don’t say stuff like that.

 And, do you know: this is not an old book. It was published in 1987. The author was fully aware of what she was saying and it was as crass and crude as that.

 I may have totally misunderstood the context in which these remarks were made – but I don’t think I’m wrong. Writers are supposed to be moral artists. Good people, with strong voices. Literature is supposed to be a power for goodness. And not the opposite.

 This is why I champion William Faulkner (again) because he was a white man from the South in America, who wrote throughout the 1920s – 1960s about anti-racism. He spoke up about the horrors that black people faced in his part of the world. When few other people were doing that. He was wise and moral enough to do that.

 Anyway. Just a thought. Feel free to disagree. I’m sure Magda Szabo is an ace storyteller; but she can count me out when it comes to the racist stuff. I have no interest in that.

[hotgirlmythology]

The Lime House

I thought I should note this information down because it has turned into a pretty sprawling world.

The centrepiece of the world are the Houses of Parliament, that have been filled with limes. The limes go six feet deep throughout. Trying to clear them away is physically impossible, because they simply reappear. I think a timeline will be useful here.

A very irate middle-aged James Bond (who is actually called Timothy) is let go from MI6 after they outsource their pet contract murderers to some eastern european militia groups. Following this, he decides to recreationally take 19 benadryl, which as we all know, summons the Hat Man. The Hat Man is one of five Clothes Men, who are extradimensional entities covering a variety of different qualms people have against the world. The Hat Man for his part enjoys flair and drama without an awful lot of substance, hence the hat. Thus in response to Timothy's drug-fueled rant about the woes of government fund allocation, he concluded that the best course of action was to fill government offices with limes. Boris Johnson is very nearly ousted via a vote of no confidence, but Special Agent Liz Truss' assassination of Queen Elizabeth the Eternal and the violent retribution of her Majesty's undead hordes proves that the leadership candidates just aren't up to snuff.

Once it becomes clear that the houses of parliament are indeed filled with limes, self replicating, imperishable limes at that, most of the government wants to move somewhere less squishy to hold parliament. The attitude of the public however is that they should "Stick it out," so they do. It lasts about a week until ministers begin to resign in droves and half the civil servants working there also hand in their notice. Massive by-elections sweep the country, with people looking for independents who don't seem likely to toe the party lines in trying to leave the traditional home of government. Around this time, the job listing for the LDS (Lime Disposal Squad) is posted, which is seized upon in about a day by a forum of bored internet addicts who fill up every remaining spot as a joke, to see if they can make this the workplace of their dreams. The result depends on whose dream you are judging with.

The first new MPs begin filtering into parliament. Among them are Daen, Liverpool MP who got in exclusively by being able to prove he had never told a lie in politics, and Jamie, MP for Shitting-on-the-Wold, who got his position by being the only person in town with an a-level in politics, which probably makes him more capable of running the country than most actual MPs. A popular new debate method is to hurl limes at someone whose point you dislike to try and unbalance their footing on whatever they are standing on. The LDS is kept very busy constantly scooping up limes and winching around their gantries to dump them - given the limes will try to reach six feet up from the highest non-lime object, this usually means overenthusiastic individuals collide with mps regularly on their way to clear up the mess.

Parliament's ability to pass and record any kind of information is severely hampered when their computers are inundated by crushed lime juice and blow up, a la guy fawkes. Mobile devices are obviously worse than useless when you have to get in by jumping in a window, so most secretaries quit in protest, barring Hayley, a cali girl ex-yacht thief turned illegal immigrant when her prospective mark decided that he would in fact report the unidentified hot woman on his boat to the police rather than trying to chat her up. As she was only here because of the girlfriend of one of the MPs snagging her the job, she was unlikely to leave and expose herself to being caught undocumented. Don't think about how she got a civil service job without documentation.

Valerie returns from her sojourn in Paris. Hayley's old employer and the only woman Jamie will ever allow to be referred to as his girlfriend, the paris trip was to allow her to recover from the various cybernetic augmentations she underwent as a result of enlisting in the Royal Environmental Response Commission. This is an organisation under the direct supervision of the king that is responsible for developing the Oil Tycoon Obliterator 3000, a rather large mech designed to, as the name suggests, obliterate oil barons. And most anyone else who gets in the way of green energy. Valerie acts as a guard for the Palace, under whose fake plastic exterior the work is unending. Before this she was an alcoholic art thief with the attitude of a coked up ferret trying and somehow succeeding to sip wine in a refined manner. Before that, she was a covert MI6 operative in afghanistan, responsible for mining a variety of roads, murdering random people on sketchy information, and telling other people sketchy information that would make them murder people she didn't like. As one might imagine, this trauma made her go into alcoholic art theft. However, she is now trying to work through it with Jamie to support her.

News bulletin elsewhere in the world

America pretended to invade itself to try and wipe out its debt. Somewhere along the line, the ruse got hijacked by dissidents, and a mass killing of prominent politicians was organised by sympathetic revolutionary minds already in the military. After this, and the short and very bloody petty warlord period, General Octavia blew her way into the White House with the nations' missiles at her back, and installed a nice comfy new chair. Octavia, named after hers truly, is a country where everyone can be what they want to be, provided that when they get told to go and work on something they do it immediately. What they cannot be, however, is a mermaid, who have realised that they can hijack ship comms systems to sing their songs through. Mermaids cause enormous multi-ship pileups by doing this,before swimming into the sinking ships and looting them. Octavia relies quite heavily on sea trade, and so there are now three rather enormous Orbital Sex Change Operators in perpetual geostationary orbit. These radiation cannons cause the instant alteration of a single X chromosome to Y, or a single Y to X, in each cell of the target organism blasted. Mermaids, being exclusively female, die instantly if they get a Y chromosome. Many transgender people are very excited about the prospect of such an efficient sex change operation, and it is now a tradition that on trans visibility and remembrance days lots are drawn to see which 3 trans people get beamed. The reason it's so infrequent isn't the cost of the orbital lasers, but the fact their hospital bills for acute radiation poisoning need to be covered by the state.

There is a giant kitten that wanders through the void of space and enjoys playing with stars. The kitten itself is made of starlight, but not stars themselves, which confuses the only four "cosmikittists" in the world when they get together in their discord server to discuss it. They are not sure how it exists, or anything about it except how to summon it. If one thinks very very hard of a pretty star, the kitten will pick up on it. Distance isn't the problem, as time and space are immaterial to such a creature, but one must match the kitten's wonderment in relation to stars. If done correctly, you will shortly be visited by an enormous kitten the size of a large moon, whose effect on air pressure and displacement usually causes toppling and flattening of anything nearby. This usually distracts the summoner from the star, and the kitten leaves in a huff, but one of the four did manage to stroke it once. It felt very soft and fluffy and cool to the touch, though it's to be expected when you regulate your temperature based on nearby stars. Currently some scientist in antarctica is accidentally developing a mental image suitable for calling in the space kitten, and the cosmikittists are going frantic trying to identify where the person causing all these near misses by the kitten is.

Britain is now the europe's primary exporter of limes, given they have infinite and always available limes being produced on a huge scale in parliament. Their cuisine has become very influenced by limes, too, with lime juice being used to season many dishes.