#the moral of it is also 'if you feel terrible take a shower and be nice to your skin' which makes me laugh now

[mabith]

Some days you look up the author of a favorite picture book and learn that she also did the translations you read of We by Yevgeny Zamyatin and The Master and Margarita.

Cheers, Mirra Ginsburg.

[izzytheloser12]

~~~~ More kaishin incorrect quotes~~~~

*kaito trying to flirt with Shinichi*

Kaito: Dom or sub?

Shinichi: I guess Domino's, since I don't go to Subway that much. Don't see why you'd put them in the same category though.

~~~~~~

Kaito: You look good in that hoodie.

Shinichi: You know where else I'd look good?

Kaito, zero hesitation: My bed.

Shinichi, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Kaito: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

Shinichi: WHAT

~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute.

Kaito: Shinichi, that’s gay.

Shinichi: We’ve been dating for 2 years—

~~~~~~~~

*kaito trying to flirt with Shinichi part 2*

Kaito: I like your new pants!

Shinichi: Thanks, they were 50% off!

Kaito: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*

Shinichi: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.

Kaito: Thats’s… not what I meant.

Shinichi: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Kaito.

~~~~~~~

Shinichi: You know, Kaito, when you generalize, you tell general... lies.

Kaito: ...

Kaito: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: Shinichi, why are you crying?

Shinichi: This book is so sad!!

Kaito, picking it up: But this is my diary-

Shinichi: your life is really sad kaito

~~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.

Shinichi: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.

Kaito, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Kaito: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Shinichi: But you’re always acting stupid?

Kaito: ...

Kaito: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Did it hurt when you fell-

Kaito: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-

Shinichi: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.

Kaito: ...

Shinichi: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Shinichi: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out in bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Bonjour, Kaito. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?

Kaito: No, I don't want to sleep with you.

Shinichi: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.

Kaito: WHAT

~~~~~~~

Shinichi: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Kaito: This is a lie.

Kaito: I'm literally dating him. This is a lie.

Kaito: HE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: I'm at a loss for words!

Kaito: Despite being ‘at a loss for words’, Shinichi yelled at me for the next 45 minutes.

~~~~~~~~

Kaito: Why are you like this??

Shinichi: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

~~~~~~

Kaito, singing: He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's on thin fucking ice

Shinichi, also singing: Santa Claus is calling you out!

~~~~~~

Shinichi: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...

Kaito: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?

Shinichi: Holy shit-

~~~~~~

Kaito: Shinichi and I are no longer dating.

Shinichi: Kaito, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

[clavissionary-position]

What Emma Would Do

Ignore me. This is just me working through my own thoughts and feelings on this. Also I'm an idiot.

***BIG EDIT: I misread and misinterpreted. Azel was nearly drugged and SA'd, so his reaction, however cruel, makes complete sense to me. If he was real I couldn't apologize to him enough.

Moving @/caffedrine's billion-dollar comments up here.

My original, misguided post is below the cut if you're interested.

I have to ask myself what Emma would do. Within reason. And only within the scope of this fictional game, because I'm not about to touch this topic as it exists in the real world. That's for people much smarter than me.

But for the game, my dismissing of Azel as a cruel misogynist without seeing his circumstances and worldview shuts down the conversation the same way it does when Azel dismisses a woman as a slut without seeing her circumstances and worldview.

(Did he actually use the word 'slut' or did google just translate 痴女 like that for me... I should double-check... edit: oh my bad, he calls her a "female molester", which... I can't say he's wrong considering she tried to give him an aphrodisiac...? The word also means "stupid woman", so he could very well have meant it that way too, especially for some reasons I get into later in the post.)

Soooo, he didn't actually call her a slut. I'm an idiot 😌 I'm sorry, Azel. Dunno if any of my points below mean anything, but I'll leave it here anyway:

The running theme in Ikepri is to look beyond the beast and see the human inside. To meet them halfway. To see their heart. And that heart is always so very terribly scarred. All these guys have gone through their own traumas and come out the other end behaving in ways designed to be armor, to protect themselves from any further pain.

I can only speculate about Azel this early in his story arc, but being showered with the same adoration and reverence that people only show a god, day in and day out, probably fucks with your mentality a bit if you are still only human at the end of the day. Having women try to seduce you only because you're The Living God, well, we saw what that kind of shallow treatment did to Silvio. Women see you as an object and so women become objects to you. You want to be loved, but you don't want to be hurt.

That might only be scratching the surface with Azel, though. He's also clearly jaded from listening to the same old interpersonal problems people have when in relationships. Love is actual trash to him, not even worth a single penny. It's trash because the very people who follow him prove it to him on a daily basis, I imagine.

Yet that's still not the full picture. I mean, we obviously won't have the full picture until his main route drops, but there's another key factor to consider with Azel.

He quotes Pascal in Licht's sequel. "Man is only a reed, the weakest thing in nature; but he is a thinking reed." The full quote goes onto say:

"All our dignity consists, then, in thought. This is the basis on which we must raise ourselves, and not space and time, which we would not know how to fill. Let us make it our task, then, to think well: here is the principle of morality.”

(Did I read the entire context of the quote? HA! What do you take me for? A scholar or something?)

Free will and independent thought is arguably the most important thing to Azel. He has no respect for the sheep who flock to him for direction (though he'll happily take their money and tributes). Even with the dancer who tried to seduce him in the prologue, when he tells her to lick up the food she dropped after he tripped her, he presents it as a choice. Nevermind that the staggeringly unequal power dynamics at play made it so this was nothing short of coercion in the end; there was no way the dancer was in a position to stand up for herself and say no, even if that's exactly what Azel wanted. But from his perspective, defiance would have been welcome. That's why he phrased it as a choice. That she started licking up the food only solidified in Azel's mind that this woman is an unthinking reed without dignity. If you're going to act like trash, he'll treat you like trash... maybe that was part of his thinking.

On a slightly different note, I think another reason he hates the idea of love so much is because love makes people lose their ability to reason, to think. I believe he outright says as much, iirc.

In the end, I don't know from where exactly Azel's fury and cruelty comes from. It could be all of these things, it might be something else entirely. All I can think is, you can't be 'God' everyday and not be scarred by humans.

In conclusion, I can't excuse Azel's behavior. I don't excuse it. But I think Emma would try to understand the why of it, like she does in any other route. The other running theme in Ikepri is that, as a certain someone would put it, the essence of all people is love. It's their environment that twists them. Somewhere in Azel is the purest kind of love. A kind that would make any god look away in shame. That's what I want to believe in, anyhow.

Also, I need stress that I was SO wrong about whether he actually called the dancer a slut or not. Google fucked me over by translating it that way! Ah, Azel, I'm so sorry!

[m-to-z-andbackto-m]

Bitty Dust Headcanon Time!!! I didn't do a good job at deciphering the lil' bugger-

Bitty!Killer HeadCanons

Bitty!Cross HeadCanons

I feel that he's. Awful at social interaction (at least at first) so he's a great choice if you're out of the house a lot!

Actually don't leave him alone-alone for too long, I feel like he has attachment issues so at first he'd be okay with alone time... apart from being emotionally unstable-

Once he warms up to you he'll probably stick around more and you'll probably start to understand what he likes and stuff, despite his lack of verbal responses

He probably doesn't like his face touched? I personally don't go with a no face Dust but I adore the idea/look so if you do, he probably doesn't want you touching his head

Maybe he'll let you pat it gently as long as you don't tug his hood off, you'll have to gain his trust first though, you can hold his itty bitty hands instead 🥺

Don't touch his scarf, if it needs cleaning he'll do it, probably in the shower or something

Most compatible with a well tended to Horror, maybe he'd be on edge with a Papy bitty so I wouldn't advise that pair up, unless you throw in a Horror!Paps, the difference is enough and similarities still comfortable, plus Horror would love his baby brother to be around and Dust could feel like this is his personal second chance (Like how Geno vibes with Papy!), though he won't say it

Edit: I think he'd be okay with Geno too actually, I don't see enough positive interaction between them D:

He'll probably vibe with Cross too but don't expect much interaction between them, again, good bitty choices if you're out of the house a lot!

If you want, you can try to pair/group him up with a Blue, he's tolerable, but make sure he doesn't overwhelm the tired man

You know these headcanons are if they potentially had their pasts played out, but if you don't wanna think they have backgrounds as bitties that's up to you

I think he'd like soft things (likes being wrapped in them for a sense of safety and support) and hate dirty places like the back of the microwave where Killer would venture into lol, only because the dirt and grime reminds him of bad stuff

Ketchup. He might want it spiked though, still, don't let him develop an addiction/habit-

I keep thinking it'd be cute if he hugs your hand/finger(s) (depending on the size you're imagining)

Probably watches TV and sleeps a lot, sluggish due to bad mental health/low motivation and poor quality sleep, this can be improved overtime if you emotionally bond with him and help him work out confronting his feelings which he tends to invalidate in his mind, he just needs some kindness guys

He's low maintenance, but he also forgets to take care of himself sometimes, you gotta make sure he's not stinky and hungry, actually, if you pair him up with a Horror bitty, he'll make sure Dust doesn't starve because that's just his moral compass y'know

Also he probably prefers hoodies and won't wear anything new/unfamiliar, especially if it makes him feel exposed

If you do get him to do more than just lay around sulking, maybe he obsesses over routines to feel a sense of predictability and has terrible paranoia, especially of unknown humans, bitty or not

Sensitive to change and may cause panic so tell him what will happen and when

For a small example, don't scoop him up without asking or warning him first

If you'll get home late, leave him a voicemail on the home phone so he's less anxious waiting

And don't invite people over or adopt new bitties without him being prepared for a new variable in the house, this might cause him to distaste the new person and be avoidant

Definitely not outgoing at all, but maybe a couple of times he'll accept some time outside the house

He'll want to protect you depending on how well you've bonded <3

[charlat-anne]

So just then I was re-watching Disney's underrated "Dinosaur" (2000), and there happened to be this scene where they've reached the watering hole just to find out it dried up, shortly after, Aladar found a way to get them water with Baylene's help.

Without hesitation, he called out to the rest of the herd.

and unfortunately, had to deal with a pretty rough, unexpected backlash when he tried containing their reaction, and basically got flooded.

That was when someone called him "stupid"..? I couldn't get where that came from so, I asked, and was answered with:

" He should've waited for the older ones to be done drinking first before calling others, to avoid this kind of situation."

So, what makes him stupid is basically lacking your knowledge ..?

If we shall take a look back on his life ..

Aladar was the unchallengeable creature on his island, meaning that he never really had to experience opposition, that along with the way he was raised, never fed the "potential threat" he could've become.

° °

Though it's also obvious that before the catastrophic meteor shower, he never went through scarcity of resources, which would lead us to remember that even when he did, it'd only shown his true nature;

(He was the last one digging, though he wasn't any less thirsty than the rest, but look at his proud smile! and him stepping back for them to start drinking first)

He'd proven to be an altruist..

time and time again.

Hence, clashing against self-seeking behavior was rather perplexing to him.. (not like he knows what that even is..)

° °

Knowing that already should naturally interpret that he wasn't "stupid", but inexperienced..

If we'll be setting that way of ignorant thinking, we'd easily ignore his motives & assume that Aladar staying behind with the "weak" was because he's an idiot. (Deliberately ignoring that it was out of benevolence)

And Bruton's death was an illogicality.. not at all sacrificial or noble

° °

The issue with setting that behavior irl is ignoring facts & passing judgment without taking the other side's morals, characteristics, knowledge, and motives into account. which wouldn't only make them feel misunderstood, but makes you terribly misinformed!

You managed to know everything but somehow ended up knowing nothing. How unfortunate.

[southern-belle-outcasts]

Okay I tried to do a quick scroll before I went back to work, I already walked 8mi today and it took a lot out of me but I need to do flats so it was literally just a uber fast ‘what might be important’.

I see a lot of y’all getting sick and I’ma put on my big sib hat for a moment (I’m the oldest of 9 okay I did earn that title), and also these are just good reminders in general (read: Tagg fucking take your own advice ffs). It might get a smidge lengthy so under read more.

Getting sick isn’t a moral failing, it’s literally bugs’ job to fuck with us but to help you dodge this shit since I myself have a crappy immune system and cannot fucking afford being sick (and apart from that fucky business a few months ago have mostly dodged contagious stuff in the last few years)….continue reading.

Stay hydrated. I’m fucking terrible at this with plain water in the winter because who the fuck wants to drink water that MUST be cold when you’re already struggling to stay warm right now? Not me. So add some lemon (yay vitamin C). I can’t buy fresh lemons. I forget them and they go bad. BUT the bottled stuff while it does not taste as good imo, still has the good shit. So flavor and vit c. Or add it to herbal tea! Something that isn’t monster or dark soda or coffee (yes I’m aware those are part of the major food groups I don’t care you dehydrated walking plant). Broth soups also count- chicken soup is the cure all for a reason- veggies and hydration in one!!!

Eat. Something. You can’t run on nothing. Fed is better than not, period. Eating what you can afford is doing yourself better than going hungry for the sake of those two nights of ‘healthy food’.

If you stopped masking, go back to it. No seriously don’t stop. Buy one with a print you like with the slot for a filter and wear that shit. I’m sure most of my dodging illness during the height of lockdown while being not able to isolate in high trafficked places was the masking. That and the hand washing and hand sanitizers.

Speaking of- the one brand I used to buy is a boycott but there are lotion hand sanitizers out there if you’re like me, and you can just look at hand sanitizer and your hands crack. Highly recommend. 13/10. Not going back.

Indoor clothes/outside clothes- keep your ‘been everywhere all day’ cooties off the bed and your furniture. Will also reduce allergens embedding in the places where you’re laying down. Even if you didn’t shower, you’re doing yourself a favor changing the clothes. Yes I know this is more laundry, so there’s also clothing/fabric sanitizer. It’s like 8$ for a can but that’s an option if extra laundry is a Herculean task of which I understand the trials and tribulations.

If you can afford it- get some elderberry supplement. It’s not as difficult to find as it was in 2020. Ideally you take it just regularly, in a pinch, start taking it as soon as you feel ick to lessen it.

Lots of garlic, pepper, and ginger in your food. That is all. Season your food. Good food, better immune system, no notes needed.

Here is where you’re going to laugh at me and tell me to fuck off- SLEEP. Look, I am well aware okay, I know. But even if you have insomnia like me, your body will get more rest just by laying down and closing your eyes than it will by not doing so even if you didn’t even hit light sleep let alone REM.

Okay that’s it. That’s the post. I am not going to call it no brainer stuff because all of these things I had to learn and some were definitely as an adult, so just in case nobody told you, it’s for you. If you’re adhd and forgot, this one’s also for you. I’m not claiming to be a health expert, I ain’t a doc, just an expert at trying to dodge urgent care while living in a dystopia with no health insurance and I don’t like seeing people down and feeling crappy. :D

[mad-hunts]

it may be too soon for me to talk more about jack mathis after just posting about him, BUT idk, i just want to emphasize just how different he is compared to the rest of the mathis family. because although jack is certainly not perfect himself, and can arguably be pretty immoral himself, i think a big part of why jack does what he does is his desire to be loved by barton / make his father proud of him despite the fact that... well, he is debatably treated the worst out of all of his siblings, along with the fact that barton is not at ALL a good example of a guardian. and quite possibly also because he is afraid of barton. so yeah, uhhh, that's really kind of sad whenever i think about it. like jack honestly is STARVING for warmth not just from his father but in general. and this translates to him confiding in his sister, matilda, most of the time because they have one of the closest sibling relationships in the whole mathis family. but even that is not enough sometimes as having your emotional needs neglected makes you feel terrible constantly.

so jack will try to get rid of this touch starvation he has and try to feel less metaphorically cold by taking extremely hot showers until his skin turns pink and raw. plus, he even has an outdoor cat that he secretly befriended that he'll let in sometimes through his window as well as cuddle with to alleviate his need for warmth, since both of these thing's seem to help with it (even if it's just a little bit). but anyhow... on a less sad note, jack knows how to play the electric guitar and is a ballet dancer; the latter of which he is trying to pursue professionally. so, he is also different from the rest of the mathis family in that way. they all seem to want to get into medicine, after all, but jack himself DESPERATELY wants to get away from it even if he won't express that out loud and go into the arts instead. this is due to all of the horrible things going on related to it that he witnessed while he was growing up. thus, like i said before in my previous post, jack does in fact appear to have some sort of moral center and doesn't like to kill people but sees it as something that is unavoidable in the case that he has to protect his family / someone learns that he does have a bit of blood on his hands — albeit, much less than the other's in the mathis family. though this is not to excuse any of the bad things that he's done, of course, because everyone has to take responsibility for their actions regardless of what the circumstances might be.

i just wanted to highlight that, even amongst a family that seems like they are one of the most immoral and deprived in gotham city, that there could be slivers of hope + morally dubiousness in them.

[drdemonprince]

How can I think about my submission kink differently? the only time I get like, on-another-planet turned on is imagining or playing out intense submission, but after I orgasm I’m left feeling kind of icky, like it was shameful or embarrassing. It feels so trite to say because consciously and intellectually I know I shouldn’t feel ashamed and that my thoughts and kinks don’t reflect my morality. Yet after a particularly kinky sex sesh, I’m left feeling like I ate a whole cheesecake: kinda sick

Might it be the case that the feelings of shame and embarrassment that come afterward don't have to be a problem? Instead of seeing these negative emotions as a failure to be fully liberated on your part, can you come to just expect them as part of the process of fulfilling your fantasies?

Experiencing a mood drop and some negative thinking following an intense scene is pretty normal and common, and not only because of an endorphin crash or anything that has physically happened in scene. People experience drops in all kinds of ways, for all kinds of reasons, and suddenly feeling disgusted or disinterested in sex and kink immediately afterward is a common one. So are feelings of shame or patheticness or as if you have been wasting your time or doing something very stupid or bad.

Hell, you don't even have to be doing especially kinky or overpowering shit to go through that kind of sudden shift in feeling and thought. what vanilla people call "post nut clarity" is also a sudden decline in interest that can go all the way to outright repulsion and shame at times. Crying after sex is common enough to be remarked upon and speculated about by lots of non kinky people and kinky people alike. And many folks report an emotional and psychological "drop" following non-sexual yet intense and fulfilling experiences as well, such as after a convention.

People's moods shift following sex and intimacy, and they often need help down-regulating from it; that's why people smoke after sex, cry after sex, take long hot showers, cuddle, snack, masturbate, and take naps. If it's pretty normal and common for even vanilla people to have a low mood and some negative thoughts after sex or even following a fun trip, then it's entirely reasonable for you as a kinky s-type to expect drops nearly every time you get to have the kind of sex you want to have.

I know straight cis people who have to get drunk just to even bring themselves to have any sex at all, that's how intense the shame they've internalized is. and i know lots of kinky people who crave all kinds of adventurous wild play but cant quite get over the shame or anxiety hurdles to enjoy them in real life yet. you on the other hand appear to have a really good grip on your shame, enough to be actively having and enjoying the kind of power-dynamic-driven sex you crave. so congratulations on having mastered a hang up that many people never overcome in their lives! feeling a little shitty after the fun has been had isn't really so bad, all things considered. especially if you're coping with those terrible feelings pretty well, not hurting yourself or lashing out at play partners, etc.

I think riding out those bad feelings and knowing that they are just part of the process will serve you better than trying to change how you feel. And given the paradoxical and self-defeating nature of  emotional repression, the second you stop trying to make yourself feel good, the less the shame will probably sting. you can think of it as an emotional hangover and figure out what your personal Gatorade/Pedialyte is for recovering from it rather than swearing off drinking ever again metaphorically speaking 

[weakeninghope]

Clean freak (Chapter 2)

Pairing: Joseph Joestar/Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli

Rating: Explicit

AO3 link here

Summary:   So. Uh. Maybe Caesar Zeppeli wasn't that bothered by Joseph being a sweaty bastard. By smelling like a sweaty bastard. Not that Caesar had a habit of smelling people, but spending countless days sparring with someone else (a muscular guy) does certain things to you. And you do notice, for instance, that your sparring partner definitely doesn't dress in nice-smelling clothes, doesn't use cologne and/or rose-smelling lotion. But saying "ew Jojo, you smell gross don't get close to me" was both a nice pretense  for upholding Caesar's clean freak reputation and way easier than admitting that he may have absolutely nothing against the mix of Joseph's corporal scent, his sweat and his cheap 3 in 1 shampoo + conditioner (what does he even need conditioner for?) + body wash. 

Notes:  

I'm!!!!! back!!!!!! I'm so sorry it's taken me literal years to upload the second chapter but life has been terrible these past years. Anyway, if anyone remembers this story, feel free to read the closing chapter, that I have not, by any means, written during my working hours because I was alone on the reception desk.

Come scream at me about Caejose or anything!! I'd love to talk to you gus. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and the overall story, this was really self indulgent not gonna lie, the ending is a little bit off because I didn't know how to wrap everything up. But I'm so happy this is finally complete!!

Comments and kudos are much appreciated! Thank you for sticking (hehe) with me ♡♡♡♡

Twitter: @/Kashiikas

fic under the cut!

Caesar was a guy who really cared about cleanliness. He liked seeing his surroundings clean and gleaming. Of course, his personal hygiene was no exception. He’d had enough of living in dirty, abandoned and rusty places back in his hoodlum era. Whether wandering around the streets because he had nowhere to belong anymore or living somewhere where he couldn’t even take a decent shower was the worst that had happened to him, Caesar doesn’t know. What he does know is that since Master Lisa Lisa took him in and, despite the arduous training he had to endure, he had access to showering in human conditions, and that  he felt as though the happiest man on Earth. 

It seems though that apparently, he was the only one in that island excluding Master Lisa Lisa and Suzie Q who cared a little bit about hygiene and manners. Well, there were like, four people in the island, so ruling out these exceptions, there was only one person left who didn’t abide by Caesar’s morale.

Joseph Joestar.

Joseph freaking Joestar.

Caesar didn’t even know how to feel about that guy. Sure, their first encounter wasn’t how you start a friendship (or whatever it is that they… have going on) but at least the blonde considers that he’s gotten to know Joseph pretty well. 

The first thing Caesar noticed about the other was his lack of any politeness, manners or, in overall, sense of dignity. That guy allowed himself to be outright goofy and undistinguished in front of other people, and didn’t seem to feel any remorse at that. In all honesty, a part deep inside of Caesar’s psyche was jealous of his ―apparently, yet again, that was his first impression― carefree personality. But maybe it was also because he was carefree that Caesar’s animosity towards that guy was so powerful at the beginning at least: as far as he was concerned, he was totally clueless in regards to his family background. Caesar’s fixation towards clean things wasn’t his most defining trait. It was definitely the pride he harbored towards his duty as a Zeppeli. Family was the most important thing to him; his father died sacrificing himself for him even though he didn’t recognize him as his son. And then his grandfather died protecting Jonathan Joestar. 

The second thing Caesar noticed was that Joseph wasn’t dumb at all. He pretended to be dumb so the enemy would take him lightly. But deep inside he was a cunning bastard. His hamon may be weak, but he knew how to come up with a plan in the direst of circumstances. Technique against lack of restraint. Both were a great asset in battle and different perspectives aimed at the same goal. Caesar’s way of handling things has been proven effective (or at least since he began training under Master Lisa Lisa’s wing) but undoubtedly, merging his combat style with Joseph’s surpassed his expectations. At first he didn’t think he’d take it seriously, Joseph could just have defeated Santana by chance. But Caesar was proven wrong. During his first encounter with Wham, Joseph protected everyone. Not only that, but also showed a fighting spirit that made Caesar feel enamored by it. It was captivating. He could sense his will to fight. That was probably the turning point. 

But the turning point for what exactly?

It was against all odds that Caesar could feel attracted to someone like this.  But apparently, life was full of surprises.

The third thing he noticed about Joseph was… 

Damn, even having to admit it to himself felt like too much of an ordeal.

Joseph Joestar was hot. Like, an annoying type of hot. Starting-to-affect-him-way-too-much to-keep-his-cool-and-composure-hot. There was no helping it anyway, Caesar could appreciate beautiful people. He had an eye for beauty. And apparently for hot studs. Equally Dumb and Hot studs. And Joseph fit right in. Not that Caesar’s physique paled in comparison to Joseph’s, but still. He had… a thing for muscular guys. Joseph did not disappoint. He always seemed to be proud of his “handsome face” (he was right) but his body? a whole other level. Admiring it from a far distance was already too much, but they were training together, after all. It didn’t help either that his comrade dressed in a likely way Caesar did. Those tight tops that he wore all the time did justice to his pecs. His abs. And well, he hadn’t seen the other in shorts but he feels like those legs could crush his head and he’d gla-

okay. Enough is enough.

Caesar’s horniness and attraction towards his companion wouldn’t have been an issue if he could… unload his sexual frustrations normally, but there were a few counterpoints. They had separate rooms, but Joseph liked loitering in his far more time than needed (thank god he had the mask on, had he been mask-less Caesar’s eyes would have lingered too much on his mouth) and, even at night, he could try jerking off, except for the fact that he couldn’t. One would expect that Lisa Lisa’s Mansion had top tier construction with amazing, sound-proof like walls. 

That was not the case though.

The walls separating their rooms were paper thin. He could hear all the sounds coming from Joseph’s room. The music. His laugh when reading those absurd comics he liked. Every time he stumbled off bed and hit himself with random furniture because he was clumsy in the mornings. Overall, this was a nice routine and change of pace for Caesar. He was used to danger, to ugly noises, to the sound of people screaming, the sound of his fists hitting other hoodlums like himself. But hearing Joseph like that was almost homely in a newfound way. However, this had a downside. If he jerked off in his room and a moan escaped from his mouth even if he tried to stifle it with a pillow, Joseph would know. 

Caesar was loud when it came to this kind of stuff. And Joseph seemed to be loud as well. He could almost hear those noises if he closed his eyes.

So the only choice left was the bathroom. They had to share that one, but, well, Joseph wasn’t one for long showers. He wasn’t one for showers, in general. Caesar had enough self-control, so he was able to avoid getting hard from having Joseph under him in training. He felt so pliant underneath him, the close contact, the sweat lingering in the air… everything made Caesar so dizzy he had to relax somehow. And since he had the classic clean freak reputation he took long showers everyday both to get rid of the sweat clinging to his body and the lust clouding his brain. Showers were a ritual for him anyway. He liked taking his time to get undressed, sensually undressed, as if someone, a specific someone, were looking at him through a hole on the wall he didn’t know was there. He took his sweet time during the actual showering process too. His golden locks didn’t look as soft and glittering just because; Caesar actively took care of them, massaging his scalp in slow, pleasant motions to make sure his shampoo was well spread. Same thing with his body. He wanted to look clean and smell nicely since he had a routine after all.

He had managed to keep his urges in control for a while, until he was basically on edge. Joseph had called him his Personal Hygiene Reminder because day after day he would tell the brunet to take a shower already because he smelled gross.

Well, that was the surface excuse. The actual plan went deeper than that. And there was probably an ulterior motive, one that Genius Strategist Joseph Joestar hadn't managed to unravel yet. Unless he has, but Caesar is better off trying to convince himself otherwise. That would make Caesar an open book. Which he never was and will never be, period. 

So. Uh. Maybe Caesar Zeppeli wasn't that bothered by Joseph being a sweaty bastard. By smelling like a sweaty bastard. Not that Caesar had a habit of smelling people, but spending countless days sparring with someone else (a muscular guy) does certain things to you. And you do notice, for instance, that your sparring partner definitely doesn't dress in nice-smelling clothes, doesn't use cologne and/or rose-smelling lotion. But saying "ew Jojo, you smell gross don't get close to me" was both a nice pretense  for upholding Caesar's clean freak reputation and way easier than admitting that he may have absolutely nothing against the mix of Joseph's corporal scent, his sweat and his cheap 3 in 1 shampoo + conditioner (what does he even need conditioner for?) + body wash. 

That's why, for self-preservation purposes, Caesar has decided to pester the bastard until he gets a fucking decent shower. Not a 2 hour long ritual (though he should) nor a quick scrub and that's that. Somewhere in between. Perfectly balanced, as everything should be. That way, he won't have to think about how turned on he actually is and he can have some, as he's sure Joseph would name it, "stress relief". 

But who would be the one relieving stress?

Joseph?

Caesar?

Maybe both?

Probably both. He's not as dumb as to believe that Joseph hasn't had the surprisingly bright idea to jerk himself off in the shower. That would explain why the past few days the brunet has been extremely annoying about the amount of time Caesar spends in the shower walls.  That, and when Joseph said "I bet you put a nice show there'', the easy response was "I'm not allowing your dirty disheveled self anywhere near my shower ritual, Jojo", but if the bastard wanted a show, fine, he would have a show. A private one, at that. But it would abide by Caesar's rules. He was the levelheaded part of the duo after all. His extreme horniness since their training started had nothing to do with this. 

Every great plan needs some preparations that need to be taken care of beforehand. He’d learned that from Joseph. Of course this doesn’t mean that Caesar didn’t plan his strategies in advance, in fact, he did spend much more time on them than Joseph did. The brunet had the skill to come up with a brilliant plan on the spot and pass it as a sudden and silly idea that popped into his head by chance. But it wasn’t by chance at all. Anyway, now it was Caesar’s time to shine.

The first step was the usual “go tell Joseph you’re going to use the shower”, but with the addendum of some horny intent, and Caesar wearing only a towel covering from below his waist was the icing on the cake. What could go wrong? 

For starters, Joseph’s door was shut, which was unnatural coming from the brunet because he gave a damn about privacy (not only his, but everyone’s) and had claimed multiple times that “he had nothing to hide”. So, if the door was shut this time, did that mean that there was something he didn’t want others to see? Time to test the waters. 

He knocks once. No response. Now that’s odd, he’s usually eager to answer when someone knocks, the few times his door is shut.

He knocks again. Still, no response. The room sounds surprisingly quiet and that’s where Caesar started to feel annoyed. Was Joseph avoiding him on purpose? Did something happen to him? It was unusual for his room to be this quiet, so why?

This time, Caesar decides to speak.

“Jojo!” Caesar's voice comes through the door. He’s demanding, too riled up for pleasantries, and it’s Joseph anyway it’s not like he needs to act polite around him. “Since you’re not answering, I’m going to come in to make sure you’re here and that you didn’t remove your mask or do anything funny.”

 God bless the mask excuse. While it wasn’t technically a lie, if Joseph had his mask off right now because he had succeeded in taking it off, that wasn’t Caesar’s problem. But it did give him the perfect alibi. There weren’t hidden intentions anywhere, he just wanted to check up on his training partner. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Caesar hears some fumbling in the room, the rustle of bed sheets― just what the hell is happening in there? Fuck it, no more waiting.

When Caesar steps into the room, Joseph is, indeed, wearing his facemask, but something feels off. He’s laying face down on the bed (a little bit of an uncomfortable position if you ask Caesar). This means his ass is full on display. Oh, god. Don’t stare, don’t stare. Just look for a topic to start a conversation; this was to provoke Joseph, not to greet him with a boner. 

“Oh, so you’re reading one of those lame comics of yours” Caesar chastises, trying to make Joseph to turn around to look at him, plus stepping closer to him so now he’s standing close to his face, but for some reason, Joseph seemed adamant on not looking Caesar’s way. Realizing that his training partner is flatly ignoring him, the blonde decides to play his cards. If Joseph wants this to be a game then it will be one.  

“Jojo, are you going to ignore me for much longer? Are you angry because you lost again today? Oh, come on, I didn’t take you for such a baby” Caesar taunts. The usual “picking up a fight stance” usually works on simple-minded individuals. So it’s not much of a surprise when Joseph tilts his face slightly and takes the bait.

Not enough for eye contact, though.

Not that it was the blonde’s intention to boast, but he did have a great body, and Joseph was in front of it, taking in every single patch of skin on display (basically everything except his nether region, but one has to leave something to the other’s imagination to make matters more exciting, isn’t that right?). He is aware that he’s sweaty. He doesn’t like how he smells, and horny intentions aside, Caesar is indeed in desperate need of a shower. God, he’s dying to see Joseph’s face. Is he flustered? He definitely should.

“So, you can’t bother to even look at me?” Caesar inquiries, he may need to play the annoying bastard part today, but it was for a greater good. After all, one wrong (or right) move, and the towel bids farewell to this world. 

“I have already had my fill of your ugly face, thank you.” Joseph breaks the silence that feels eternal and heavy, but he still has his eyes fixated on that dumb comic book. Just a little bit more.

Then Caesar crouches besides the bed, and that’s when Joseph turns upon hearing his knees crack.

Their eyes crash. Joseph’s eyes look more enticing than ever today; he almost has a shroud of insecurity and vulnerability around them. Before Caesar can even think what to say next, Joseph’s eyes dart away from his.

“Your next words will be ' ‘I’m going to use the shower, make sure to wash your dirty body when I come out’' Joseph retorts. And theeeere he goes. He’s taken the bait, and he’s being his usual self again. Caesar decides to keep the game going. 

“I’m going to use the shower, make sure to wash your dirty body when I come out” Caesar lets go in the sultriest way he can manage. After that, he exits the room, celebrating the fact that he has pulled through this exchange without getting a boner. 

That was about to change in a matter of minutes, though. 

He knew that Joseph didn’t peek when he was in the shower. Probably because he’s too lazy to move his ass off the bed, but he will peek this time. Caesar will give him a show he will never, ever forget. He obviously doesn’t lock the door today, and he knows this works enough as an invitation to take a look (or two). The lock is rusty-ish so when someone locks the bathroom door pretty much everyone nearby knows. 

The plan is crafted on the basis that Joseph is as much a wishful thinker as Caesar. A pretty risky bet, nothing can be done about it. He can almost hear what his training partner is thinking: “Just a peek won’t hurt”. He knows. He hopes. 

The door is not blatantly open (it’s not funny if you make it that obvious) but just the small amount that lets you get a glimpse of what’s going on inside if you squint hard enough. No sounds of anyone approaching the door are heard, but Caesar begins the show anyway. Pants go off first. Slowly, carefully, his plump ass facing the door. He even touches one of his cheeks not-that-accidentally to make his one person audience ache for more. Meanwhile, he’s humming one of his favorite songs, something he usually does when he’s in a good mood. After a little bit of effort, all the clothes are off, and when he first steps into the showers he hears someone dashing through the corridor and the tell-tale sound of said person bumping into the wall. 

Heh, there it goes. 

Wait… if this person was definitely Joseph, and he was in such a hurry that he’d been even more careless than usual… Does this mean that during their little exchange in Joseph’s room, he was avoiding his gaze and lying face down on the bed… because he was trying to conceal a boner? 

Screw logic. To hell with morale. Fuck the plan, he’d had enough. He feels himself starting to harden from his thoughts alone, so when his hand touches his neglected cock from the first time he’s pretty sure that the moan escaping his mouth is by far one of the most lascivious ones that has come from his vocal chords in the past. 

 But that’s not enough. He wants, no, he needs more than just this. His eager hand grips his cock with maybe more force than usual, but he doesn’t care. His actions reflect how desperate he is and how raw his desire for Joseph Joestar is. The plan was to make Joseph horny but, here he was. How could he ignore that the brunet was obviously hard a few minutes ago? He can’t. It’s time to go all out. 

“Jojo”... Caesar moans softly. There is no scheming this time. He is indeed imagining that it’s the other’s hand pumping his cock in earnest, with those calloused hands that would probably feel too rough and inexperienced but perfect anyway.

“Jojo!” He moans again after thumbing his slit, precum already gathered there. 

God, he wants to cum. But he wants to cum in front of Joseph. Watch the other cum in front of him. No walls tearing them apart, no stupid games, no pretenses to just fuck the shit out of each other until they run dry. 

Perhaps it is uncharacteristic of Caesar Zeppeli to leave the bathroom in his slightly wet state, naked, and an erection he definitely couldn’t disguise even with that tiny towel on. It’s not necessary now. 

Joseph’s door is open. Perhaps on purpose, perhaps a slip-up, it doesn’t matter now.

The object of his desires is on the bed, completely naked, legs spread facing the door and fist wrapped tightly around his dick. He is still wearing the mask and it’s making Caesar turn red with anger, and that’s not what he wants at the moment. 

He doesn’t let Joseph speak before taking a few hurried steps toward him and unclasping his mask using his full hamon strength.

“At least have the decency to take this thing off if you’re going to do something like that” Caesar growls. He wants to convey the urgency in his voice. He wants the other to be acutely aware of how he craves this, for how long he has been craving this. He pulls away from Joseph’s face and stands up again from his crouching position. He’s expecting Joseph’s next actions. Will he engage in their usual banter? Or will he take another approach? 

“Weren’t you the one who said I should wear it at all times, no matter what?” Ah, so the banter it is. Sure, he could do that just fine. Just focus on the banter and try not to keep his eyes glued to Joseph’s inviting cock.

“You do realize that it’s dangerous if your breathing is this ragged, though? Do you want to choke to death?” It’s likely that his training partner was as fixated on pleasuring himself that he totally forgot what happens if his breathing isn’t stable enough.

“Maybe you want to choke me, Caesarino?” Joseph’s comeback sounds hot. Too hot. Caesar’s thought of a few different things he’d like to do to Joseph and vice versa, but that was not on the list. Now it is, for sure. What kind of expression would the other make? Would he have a pleading look on his glassy eyes on the verge of tearing up, flushed cheeks? 

“You forgot the ‘to death’ bit’” Caesar snaps. The banter is a top priority (for now).

“Nahhh you want me alive, or at least that’s what it sounded like when you were in the shower” Joseph sounds confident. He must think he can control the other’s reactions just because he’s heard him moaning his name (it’s partially true though).

“So you did take a peek” Caesar confirms.

“Yup! And don’t fuck with me, you wanted me to” Joseph states with his usual beaming smile that make Caesar feel week in the knees-

“Your next words will be ‘Oh, I will fuck with you, Jojo’.” Huh. So he will keep doing that even in this kind of situation. 

“Oh, I will fuck-” He doesn’t get to end the sentence. Not when a clearly needy and desperate, maskless Joseph Joestar pulls him down with his trademark brute force and smashes his mouth against Caesar.  The angle is terrible. It’s awkward and let’s not forget that Caesar is still wet, naked, and hard, so they should probably get comfortable for their own benefit. But Joseph Joestar is impatient, inexperienced, and has probably had enough of dancing around Caesar. So the blond gives in to this awkward excuse of a kiss that, albeit being just a desperate bump of lips, feels heavenly. It’s not the kiss per se, but Joseph’s mannerisms. How he makes these tiny sounds when his lips are close to his partner’s, how he suddenly brings his hand to the golden locks and p-

“Ah, fuck!” Oops. Sensitive hair.

“Wow Caesarino, that was even louder than what I heard before” Joseph said, his usual wide smile now turned into the smirk he has on his face when he feels he’s in control.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, but can you please make room for me on the bed? This position is uncomfortable”  Caesar bites back, there’s not really an ill intent behind this remark, but he’s about to get off for the first time in what feels like ages, and it sure as hell it’s not going to be something half-assed.

“But you’re wet!” Joseph exclaims, and along with his pouty face Caesar finds it almost adorable.

“Well, I’m certainly not the only one,” Caesar replies. Get the hint already, Jojo. 

“Ugh, fine” Joseph complains, though it doesn’t sound menacing at all. He probably is just as tired as Caesar of pretending that nothing is happening between them. That they’ve been wanting this since they met. That they do not just want to jack off on their own and forget about it, they want this. 

Joseph does, indeed, make room for Caesar in the bed, but not as he had expected the other to. In fact, he doesn’t move from his position on the bed, he’s still laying on his back, but his eyes stare deeply into Caesar’s and he raises his hand as a sign to motion Caesar to come closer.

“Is this ‘making room’ to you, Jojo?” The question is genuine, he wasn’t imagining this after all.

“Well, there is plenty of it. On top of me.” Joseph states with a glint of mischievousness lacing his voice, and who is Caesar to say no to that, really.

“Heh, desperate, aren’t we?” He asks anyway.

“Says the one who’s left the door on purpose for me to see you naked. You’re such an exhibitionist.” That’s not technically a lie, but…

“But you love that, don’t you?”

Joseph tries to snort or maybe come up with a witty remark, but Caesar beats him to it. They kiss properly this time. Caesar is taking the lead, and Joseph isn’t shy at all to follow all the silent instructions his training partner is giving him. When Caesar darts his tongue on his bottom lip, the younger one complies. As soon as their kiss turns open mouthed and messy, the brunet starts getting louder, not holding back anymore. He might be in fact so enticed that he has probably forgotten how thin the walls are and why they wanted to jerk off in the shower in the first place. But Caesar loves these little moans and is determined to coax more of them from Joseph. Then, without breaking the kiss, he brings one hand to one of Joseph’s nipples. They are already stiff, so twisting the bud in his fingers feels amazing, for both of them, if Joseph breaking the kiss so he can moan in full force is anything to go by. 

They don’t speak about what to do next. They know.

Caesar takes both of their cocks in his hand and starts pumping in slow motion. 

“Fuck, feels so good…” The brunet moans, he seems way too into this already, but it can get better than this. Way better than this.

“Do you want me to go faster?” The blond asks, still stroking both of them at a tortuously slow pace so he can taunt the other a little bit.

“You don’t even have to ask” Huh, once a cocky bastard always a cocky bastard.

“But you do.” Caesar replies, trying to get a reaction out of the younger boy.

“Go faster.” Joseph commands, except he shouldn’t be the one doing that.

“I said ask.” He then breaks their contact. Instead, he brings his hand to Joseph’s mouth and slips his fingers inside. God, his mouth feels so good… Joseph’s tongue is so eager swirling around them and coating them in a generous amount of spit, it’s driving Caesar crazy. It doesn’t last long though, the other tries to speak and Caesar decides that he may have something interesting to say.

“Please… go faster… I need more…” Joseph pleads. Damn, is Joseph hot when he begs. 

“Good boy” These words seem to have an amazing effect on Joseph, because his cheeks flush even redder and the lust clouding his eyes is even more apparent now. 

“Say my name.” Caesar orders. His hand is back on both of their dicks, but remains static.

“Caesar. God, Caesar, I want this so much, I want you so m- Ahh!” The brunet’s words turn into a long, hot moan when Caesar speeds up his pace. The contact feels so, so good. Not even the greatest quick handjob he could have given himself in the shower feels as this does. They are both moaning now, there’s no point in concealing that both of them are actually desperate sluts for each other, wanting to be seen, wanting to be touched. 

“A-ah Caesar, you’re making me sweat!” Odd, to be complaining about that. Maybe Caesar is not the only one turned on by strong scents, because precum is already leaking from the tip of Joseph’s cock.

“Yeah, that’s the idea” Caesar inhales the smell in the room. Both of their sweets combined with the rest of Caesar’s shampoo aroma in the air. It’s both an addictive and dangerous mixtures in all fucking ways.

“You smell amazing, Jojo” Caesar coos. He’s close, and by how tightly Joseph has just the eyes, the other must be too.

“C-caesar, I’m close!” And he comes without another prior warning (Caesar I'll make sure to punish him for not asking for permission later), and it takes a few more strokes of their dicks covered in Joseph’s cum to climax as well. They’ve made such a mess on the bed, and mostly, on their bodies, but god was that good. 

“We’re dirty.” Caesar states, matter of factly. He’s still panting and gasping for air, that was more intense than anything he could think of.

“Well, that was to be expected.” Joseph chuckles. He looks spent, but he has a shy smile on his face. 

“Shall we clean ourselves up?” Caesar offers, bringing himself closer to the other and kissing his lips gently.

“Wait, ‘ourselves’?” The other asks.

“Yeah, moron, I’m telling you I want to shower together. You really need to clean your dirty body.” The blond states, they are in no condition to slack off.

“You seemed to love my dirty body before.” Joseph flirtfully replies, of course he was going to bring that up.

“Oh, shut up” Comes Caesar’s response, but it’s playful. They kiss again for a few seconds. “We’re going to get ourselves clean, we're even going to glow brighter than the sun” Well, that was sappy, but after all, there’s no point in denying he has romantic feelings for his…training partner? at this point.

“You know what else shines brighter than the sun?” He doesn’t give time for a response “My love for you, Caesarino”. 

And in other circumstances, the blond would have rolled his eyes and ignored the remark, but now he’s just so blissfully happy that he can’t think straight, so he just asks Joseph for tissues and they head to the shower hand in hand.

[opinated-user]

So like. Lily having kinks and fetishes, even "gross" kinks, is okay. Like, if Lily wrote Aliana to have a kink for Rey having bad hygiene, that's not on its face bad. Having a kink is morally neutral. HOWEVER, the problem there is- take Aliana again. Her being into Rey having bad hygiene is okay AT FIRST. But the way it was HANDLED is bad. Forcing Rey to participate in that kink is gross and weird! And the fact that Rey apparently has no sexual motives of his own, he's just Aliana's wife who does what she wants, up to having a CHILD even when he does not want one, just because Aliana wants it. Rey never gets to express his own feelings and desires about their relationship, it's just all about Aliana.

That's the problem with the "Aliana has a fetish for Rey having bad hygiene" part. It's not the fact that she has a fetish at all, even a "gross" fetish. You can write characters having piss kinks for all I care, AS LONG AS IT'S CONSENTUAL. And if it's not, let it be shown to be negative. And that's the problem- it's the fact that Aliana forces her wife to partake in that fetish, and Rey doesn't have any needs of his own. He's just the perfect wife for Aliana, and that's it.

(The fact that "black women are more sexual than white women" is in fact a negative stereotype should be brought up here.)

i personally have an issue with the way LO wrote this particular kink because it feels like the fetishization of a symptom of severe depression or disfunctionality. remember that in many posts LO made a point to talk about rey going out of her way to smell bad (by buying a especial cologne he doesn't care about, but alaina likes), having a bad hygiene because he needs alaina ro remind him to shower him and generally being... well, not able to do anything else but work on ships if alina isn't there to guide him about it. she's so sheltered and ignorant, even as a full grown adult married to the most powerful woman in the whole galaxy, that she can't even explore her gender without the approval and knowledge of alina before hand. everytime LO has written anything about rey, whether she intended it to or no, rey comes off as a terribly empty person who in general has no other aspiration, desire or hope for the future than her wife don't abandoning her. if that we add the little bit about rey just letting herself die when alina dies too... that's a severe kind of depression that gets romanticized and treated as a good thing. not to mention, rey wasn't like this before meeting alina. many of us have pointed out many times that, for whatever flaws the new trilogy had, at least rey had something going on in her life, she had a drive, she had dreams of her own, and continue on to live that life even after her romantic interest is gone. the rey that LO made of her after being with alina is nothing but an empty shell. kinks are neutral, but writing about such one sign of such depression being a literal fetish for the partner that already absorbed the whole personality of the one suffering the condition... that's vile. it's the equivalent of someone romanticizing self harm scars, right after being the cause of someone to self harm. that's how i feel about it.

more than that... i also do not appreciate that LO seems to tie "smelling bad/bad hygiene" with masculinity. it's just another one of those times in which her weird ideas about gender essentialism come out that make me very uncomfortable.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Wall Sex (2) Masterlist

part one

As You Please (ao3) - worriedpeach (skeletonflowers)

Summary: In which Dan ruins the mood during sex. Except he doesn't.

Bang Me Like Those Drums (ao3) - Analphancones

Summary: Phil is the drummer of a band, but how will the lead singer, Kevin, feel when he walks in on Phil banging his younger brother Dan as hard as Phil bangs his drums?

First Night (ao3) - Spring_Haze

Summary: The couple moves to a new flat, and all they want to do is to take a shower ... together. Phil appreciates Dan's forethought at the end of a long day. Both men find the energy to enjoy each other in their new walk-in.

Give Me A Try - danfanciesphil

Summary: Dan, a bartender at ‘Habenero’, Brighton’s hottest gay club, has been obsessed with AmazingPhil, the openly gay Instagram model for a long time. In all the fantasy meet-cute scenarios Dan has imagined for he and his semi-celeb crush, none of them involved him being at work, being soaked in various liquids, or being halfway through a Saturday night hell-shift. Sometimes, life doesn’t wait around for your plans.

I Like the Flower Crown (ao3) - aby55al (abyssa1)

Summary: Pastel Dan wants punk Phil's attention so he dresses in dark clothes. Then they have sex.

Phil Lester : A Sinner (ao3) - rowan_e

Summary: He never wanted this to happen, but life isn't always what you think it'll be.

He never meant to hurt the one he loved, but Phil never ceased to surprise himself.

He fucked up. Would you ever believe that Phil Lester himself would be a sinner?

Sexercise (ao3) - elusive_eventuality

Summary: “Confession: My friend is working out and getting bigger. I can’t help but think about him topping me and pounding me looking at his new muscles.”

Stardust - echohowell

Summary: When Phil Lester sees a star fall from high up on a hilltop, he vows to do the impossible. Cross the wall and bring back the fallen star in exchange for Victoria Forester’s hand in marriage. When Phil finds the star, he is surprised to find it very much alive.Dan is a tiny bit pissed at having fallen from the sky. He’s even more pissed at the blue-eyed idiot who finds him lying on the scorched ground. Injured and with nowhere else to go, Dan agrees to accompany Phil to the wall.However, events are closing in around them. Rumours of immortality and power beyond imagining sweep the land, stirring terrible forces that are best left alone. Forces that will stop at nothing to get what they want.The shining heart of a fallen star.(Also known as the one where Dan is a star, there’s a bunch of witches who just want to devour his heart, Phil is a lovestruck fool and the moral of this tale is to always avoid Faerie Wine.)

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | The Slumber Party Massacre (Jones, 1982)

Probably the most famous scene in this movie comes pretty early. The heroines of the movie, a group of teenage girls, have just finished up gym class, overseen by a teacher who frankly doesn’t look that much older than them (although that’s mostly be because of how old “teenagers” in movies tend to look) and they hop in the shower. Now, gratuitous shower scenes are a mainstay of horror movies (I’ve seen a few this month, most notably the Psycho homage in The Funhouse), but this one is almost pornographic in its studiousness of the female form, methodically moving from student to student, making sure we get views both from the back and the front (although apparently some of the cast members taped their nipples so only the rear view could be used), and panning up and down just to make sure you map out the geography of their bodies correctly. When I first saw this movie years ago, I had gone in with the knowledge that the screenplay was written by notable feminist Rita Mae Brown (although I was unfamiliar with her work), and that the movie also had a female director in Amy Holden Jones, so I noted the subversive intent in this sequence and appreciated it on that level. Seeing it again now, the line between satire and indulgence is not so clear, but I don’t know if I hold it against the scene. One, I am a sad little man with abject viewing habits and will rarely hold nudity against a movie. Two, the way the camera pans is pretty funny.

The other most famous scene is where the killer prepares to off one of his victims, and we see her frightened face framed between his legs, and he lowers a drill, his weapon of choice, also framed between his legs. The idea behind this scene is pretty obvious, although I’m curious how the audience reacted during its initial release, when the relationship between sex and violence in slashers was seen more as a reason for moral panic, than something to be studiously ruminated on. I’m not trying to dismiss this element as I do think it’s a clever image that offers a pretty succinct expression of one of the movie’s central ideas, but it’s not something that quite lingered with me this time around. What did stay with me is the pervasive sense of banality that colours the movie. The girls participate in gym class. They plan a party. They bicker over whether or not to invite a less popular girl. The sneak in some “Maui Wowie” and “sodie pop”. The less popular girl stays at home and does her sister’s hair. The sister does “biology homework”, which apparently involves a copy of Playgirl magazine with Sylvester Stallone on the cover. (I do not remember Stallone coming up in my high school biology class, but we did take a trip to the zoo, which is briefly suggested by a minor character in the first Rocky.) None of these things are terribly exciting, but they do feel true to life. Even the killer is boring, a man in a Canadian tuxedo who kills because...well, that’s what he does. There’s a level of naturalism here that distinguishes it from its sequel, where the movie’s bubblegum atmosphere is punctured by the arrival of a rock’n’roll killer who “can’t get no...satisfaction!” Slashers from the latter half of the ‘80s tended to be campier than those from the earlier half, but the contrast in tone between these two movies is especially severe.

There’s a hangout quality to the proceedings, that slowly accumulates into dread as the bodies start to pile up. I wonder if I am getting soft these days. Earlier, I would enjoy slasher and splatter movie violence purely on the level of energy and style, but lately it has been getting further and further under my skin. When I rewatched Inferno and The House by the Cemetery earlier this month, I found more emotionally affected by the deaths in the movie than I expected. There’s a certain bleakness that colours those movies and the viscerally cruel fates they dish out to their characters. It’s a quality that I think carries over to these early slashers, who were often criticized for their shallow characterizations, but perhaps are actually strengthened by them. We spend time with these perfectly ordinary and uninteresting characters, who perhaps are not without faults, but we see how violently they’re killed, and how the movie cuts abruptly like an echo of despair during an early scene, and we see how little motivation the killer has for doing what he does, and it all seems like such a waste. I do not mean to make this movie sound depressing, as I think it’s a clever and well crafted entry in its genre, but I found myself unexpectedly moved by it during this viewing.

[narcissa-black-supermacy]

re your post about the dif ways the blacks tried to meet/rebel against/avoid their families expectations and some of them were driven to insanity because of it:

as I’ve talked about a thousand times I hardcore hc sirius as bipolar and seeing as that kinda thing is inherited it’s v likely a lot of his family members had the same if not similar disorder, esp bc of inbreeding

so combining that with all you said in your post, I think it’s very easy for all of those pressures and terrible family ideals plus mental illness to push bella and walburga into insanity

and then that makes me think about narcissa and sirius specifically watching that. narcissa doing her best to follow the rules partly out of fear that not doing so would crush her. the hyper-strict control kids with mentally ill parents exert over their own lives. and then sirius also seeing that and being terrified he was going to end up like them - not just their morals and darkness, but their insanity. in my experience at least you’re always aware of that danger within you when you have a personality disorder, even if you can’t put it into words. I think he saw his mother, saw bella, and was scared of that happening to him, just as much as he wanted to get away from whatever level of abuse was directed towards him

*inhuman squealing* you are approaching very dangerous territory of subjects i am incapable being normal about

so like...this is purely headcanon area now, right? because i don't think it's actually possible to diagnose a fictional character, at least not with the little information we have. so. putting this out as a disclaimer.

i think that with the Blacks, they do have some kind of mental illness running in the family, more predominantly in women (like it can be clearly seen in Bellatrix or Walburga, pushed to the extreme by Azkaban for the first and grief over losing her sons and husband for the second), but also in men, which could include Sirius.

now... i don't want to say anything about diagnosis because i am not familiar enough with any mental illness except for PTSD. so it's foreign territory for me - i think this is where you could possibly provide some insight? whether it's the same illness (bdp) for them all, or it could be some different variants?

if we push off the assumption that the Wizarding World does not really deal with mental illness unless it's an extreme version of it (like the Longbottoms), especially in the 70's, then they are probably all undiagnosed either way, which makes it worse - it's something that's not acknowledged or talked about in their society, and when muggle borns try to bring that up, it's like a tabboo.

I think that Narcissa and Regulus (both being the younger, softer, more sensitive siblings) felt that on some kind of unconscious level – they never knew what it is and never knew to put a name to it, but they felt subconsciously that the occasional anger outbursts and episodes are more than them just being difficult, that they don’t really control it.

So unlike Sirius and Andromeda, who I think always took that as a personal attack and tried to stand up to that, I think Reg and Cissy took a quieter approach (don’t provoke the angry bear) and kind of circled around them like “yes mother you’re right he’s a disgrace, now give me that glass it’s your fourth for the day” and “I know Bella, we will show him later, I promise, let’s just go take a cold shower first alright love?”

so like...they know their behavior is wrong. and they want to help. but they don't know how to. and they don't know what's wrong. so they're stuck justifying their siblings/parents to everyone around them like "yeah i know it's fucked up but she doesn't mean it, she can't help it" and they don't know how to explain it, because they don't understand what it is, they just feel that something is wrong. so they can't bring themselves to leave no matter what.

and it's all just really heartbreaking.

and i think that maybe, when Andromeda married Ted (maybe his muggle parents were therapists, it's a hc i've been entertaining, which is why he's so calm and understanding and Andy is drawn to that), and after Sirius leaves, when he meets him, they talk and Ted is like... that has a name in the muggle world. it's treatable. there's nothing wrong with you.

and it's all just... a lot. i have some snippets here and there in my drafts exploring this. i would really love your input on this because you seem to be much more knowledgeable than me in this department.

[elderkale]

Anything for Eames or Arthur, now that you’ve mentioned them? Was Arthur a child actor lol

thank you for enabling me it means a lot

my hcs are pretty in line with fanon for these two. very gay. arthur and eames working in the military is a tired but wired headcanon and i will stand by it until the end. i also really like the idea of them meeting post-military in extraction through the cobbs.

a personal favourite hc: they are not good people. neither of these men have ever had a single honest bone in their body. their particular shade of morally grey is basically black, but like in a fun way yk. they do terrible things for fun and profit, and keep doing it even when they don't need to. they get giddy drunk and spend the whole time talking about where they've hidden bodies.

next hc adds to that, which is the (kind of widely accepted i think?) consensus that dreaming and somnacin, as a drug, are highly addictive (e.g. arthur and cobb's knowing reactions when ariadne leaves and come back, like there was never any doubt), and that they're hooked. i read a fic once (don't remember the name or author unfortunately, but it's probably somewhere in my bookmarks) where arthur talked about people not being able to live without dreams after experiencing them, and i love that as a concept for them. and same deal as saito and cobb in limbo, my personal belief is that arthur and eames have been in dreamshare for so long that their consciousnesses are way older than they are in reality.

moving onto individual stuff. arthur: office slut. smooches ariadne. smooches eames. probably smooches cobb and saito too. smooches yusuf and kicks him into next year for the sedation bullshit. the whole cobol thing was just the fallout of his and nash's breakup. i also hc him as being related to mal somehow (younger cousin is a good bet). loyalty as arthur's main personality trait is something oft-remarked upon in fics, and i love the idea of his devotion to cobb being the transfer of his dedication to mal.

while i'm lowkey in love with eames being 30-somethingeth in line for the throne, the background i've concocted for him personally is that he was born outside of england and moved there as a kid (parents expats maybe). got into petty crime as a kid for Reasons and it all spiralled from there. secret math genius, probably even a certified math teacher for some reason. i just think he's neat.

also i know the ship name is dream husbands but i find i don't really see them as married? or even living together/having a steady relationship idk. very in love but not the vocalized kind. their lives are based around bending reality, and that's gotta change a person's understanding of relationship dynamics. just that closeness and the surety of being in each other's corners. i particularly like the idea of them being the only people who can find each other when they really purposefully go to ground/vanish. eames camps out in the parking lot of a siberian supermarket while hiding from an extradition request and wakes up to arthur tapping on his car window. arthur's escaping korea on a fishing boat and eames accidentally sinks the whole thing the next day because he tries to land his helicopter on it. eames gets shot once and arthur's convinced he's dead until he gets home a week later and find him taking a shower with his Very Expensive Bath Products. all fun couple things.

another favourite hc i toss around is that these two never get a happy ending. not that all their stories end in doom and gloom, but i just don't see any non-au where they do anything but die in dreamshare. idk it just feels right.

(also while arthur being literal jgl would be so fucking funny, please consider—arthur actually being tommy from 3rd rock. dream crime just seemed like the most reasonable career path after graduation. the solomons are so proud.)

ariadne headcanons

[tearsasmascara]

primrose— how long does it take for you to get ready for the day what does your routine usually consist of?

tigerlily— do you have any favorite quotes from any movies, tv shows, books, or poetry? (or from people in real life)

zinnia— would you say you think more with your head or with your heart?

hey echo!! i missed u

primrose: it doesn’t take very long, maybe an hour tops. i usually shower first thing in the morning, brush, deodorant and perfume, do my hair, yk the basics. nothing really special.

tigerlily: umm not really. i feel like quotes are a very small passing thing, nothing to live by. also i have a terrible memory :p i rely more on the morals i learn from movies and the things that happen.

zinnia: i’m a pretty logical person i’d like to say. i will admit my anxieties are fueled by my heart though.

thanks for the ask!

[hotofficejunho]

Squid Game characters coming home to f!reader cooking dinner

I always wanted to write my own characters x reader headcanons, so here I go!! Feel free to send submissions, I’d love to write more if you like it! 

Also, sorry for the heteronormativity in some, I was in a cooking mood yesterday and felt these vibes, I don’t mean to encourage some ultimate gender roles, it doesn’t mean reader a housewife if they don’t wish to be so :D (This is aimed at fem reader but it may work just fine as gender neutral)

(other) warnings: some NSFW implications

Seong Gi-Hun

- Gi-Hun had a really shitty day and felt pretty down when going home, but the moment he saw you in the apron, cooking in the messy kitchen with music on and humming/dancing, his mood immediately skyrocketed

- he’d tune in with the atmosphere instantly, sing or dance with you, hug you from behind and ask what he can do

- he’s not good at cooking or baking and you know it, so you give him tasks he can’t really mess up, he tries his best but he’s mostly a moral support and makes you laugh

- he might rant about his day but more light-heartedly now, because you make him feel like everything is going to be just fine

- then he asks you about your day extensively, with lots of questions, he likes to listen to you and to mutually share everything about your lives

-you’ll probably end up in a dim light on a sofa, slowly nibbling on desserts or sipping wine, chatting, eventually making out... Everything was going to be just fine

Cho Sang-woo

- Sang-woo can occasionally seem unappreciative of what you do for him as he’s under a lot of stress

- he LOVES when you cook for him, and this love language works so well for him, but sometimes he forgets to thank you and generally struggles to find ways to let you know how much he values you

- some days he’s so stressed he downright refuses to eat and retreats to private, he might need this alone time sometimes

- that can cause friction between you - you leave him alone and wait for him to eat on his own, or you listen to his problems the entire time when he actually sits down and eats with you

- only later does he realize how terrible insensitive he is - sometimes it takes a shouting match or even tears

- then he works really hard to fix it, he holds you and kisses you lovingly, he caresses your hair and apologizes. He actually realizes repeatedly he could lose you and that secretely makes him panic.. he tries to be better

- maybe you have intense make-up sex afterwards, he’s thorough with both foreplay and aftercare

- next time you come home, he is the one cooking. he thanks you for looking out for him and swears to do the same for you

Kang Sae-Byeok 

- sometimes the sight of you cooking makes her smile widely, sometimes she just quietly comes to you and gives you a slow kiss on the cheek or on the mouth

- she has a bit of trouble to receive acts of kindness like this, she gets flustered and humble but she’s quietly appreciative

- when the circumstances are just right, she joins you and you have a lot of fun - Sae-Byeok has an undiscovered talent for cooking/baking and she gets absorbed in the task when she’s focusing...you often silently admire her

- sometimes you get distracted in the middle and don’t finish cooking - you may  happen to tease her in one way or another and she presses you against the table with the serious look that turns you on... or when you sit on the counter, she gets between your legs, presses you against herself and kisses you

- usually you eat on the sofa and maybe watch a film while you eat, and afterwards cuddle or hold hands

Hwang Jun-Ho

- honestly, he’s usually the one to cook. even if he comes from work exhausted, he cooks - he loves to see you enjoy what he makes and cooking also relieves his stress

- he prefers to have his own space when he does it himself, but when you beat him to it, he offers to help. you often decline so sometimes he takes a shower meanwhile or he makes cups of coffee/tea and chats with you

- he also “secretely” watches you when you cook. he’s really good at being discreet of course, but he mostly he knows you know he’s looking.. which is why you are dressed the way you’re dressed while he’s waiting for the meal so he can get a preview of his dessert...

- furthermore, he eyes you over dinner. he has these intense gazes which make you blush.. he frequently has this serious look that’s supposed to hide he wants you, but the eyes give it away

- sometimes, during of after dinner, this makes you come over there and sit on his lap.. sometimes that makes him take you in his arms and carry you straight to bedroom

The Salesman

- you know it: he gives you one of those wide grins of his...like you’re some obedient girl who’s exactly where he wants you to be. You don’t get offended, you know he respects you deeply, it’s just a game you play, and he’s smug like that

- he slowly sets down his briefcase, washes his hands and then watches you for a while

- maybe he pours himself a drink. he likes to observe what you’re doing. He’s often the one doing the shopping, or at least pays for it when you do it together, that’s on the nights he doesn’t treat you to a fancy dinner

- occassionaly he helps you, if you let him (he knows he’s good at cooking but he wouldn’t insult you by interfering if he thought you wouldn’t appreciate it) and he’s very focused when he does help

- let’s be honest...sometimes you have a quickie while you wait for something to cook, right there in the kitchen, and then get right back to it like nothing happened...

Jang Deok-su

- he loves when you cook for him, it’s one thing he doesn’t like doing himself but he does plenty other things for you instead

- he usually doesn’t comment on you cooking and sits down as you chat about your respective days, or he waits in silence

- when he comes home angry, which happens, you know the best thing to do is to let him cool down, have a shower or rant.. 

- he feels so much better after he eats, he’s so much easier to talk to. the thing is, he forgets to eat during the day and you know it’s what can make him so irritable

- afterwards, he’s like a different person. he smiles at you and admires you.. he can’t get enough of the food either, often going for seconds, and he asks about specifics about the meal sometimes

- he tends to have a drink and/or a cigarette after dinner, and he might take some time to relax after a busy day, watches TV or reads something... he likes when you come to him first, he likes the attention, so when you join him, most of the time he stops what he’s doing and makes it worth your time

Han Mi-nyeo

- when she comes home, usually she’s pretty loud. she talks about the latest thing that upset or enthused her. she raids all the cupboards and makes a noise, puts the TV on, gets changed into something baggy and comfortable and tries to eat snacks, which you sternly take away from her, pointing out you’re cooking

- she pouts, opting for a couple of cigarettes instead, sitting with her legs crossed and continues chatting or ranting

- she gets pretty excited about food she likes or when she happens to be in mood for the particular one and she thanks you, also often going for seconds

- when she isn’t in the mood, she might thank you but take her meal to privacy or refuse it. Eventually, though, she humbly comes back for it and is snappy when you point this out

- she often expresses her gratitude later, on random ocassions and in different ways. nearly always she washes up and tidies the place

- often when you leave after dinner, she comes over and crawls to the bed with you or joins you in the shower, she tells you you’re the best and she’s a bit obsessive about you, and if she’s feeling frisky (perhaps from alcohol she drank with dinner) she won’t keep her hands off you for the evening, you know she won’t

- sometimes she promises she’ll cook next time, but rarely does, she finds it boring and doesn’t have the patience.. but you appreciate the effort when she fixes up something mediocre because the proud look on her face is worth it