#the names are also procedurally generated

[seilon]

I just realized I didn’t really announce this despite it being a Big Deal but. finally got a top surgery date and secured it with a big ol deposit. august 5th. kinda hard to process in a way

[eldritchlittleblackdragon]

Just found out they're apparently doing a remaster of the first PC game I ever played on the first (non-ancient) computer my family owned.

[mylordshesacactus]

on endlings, and despair

Hey, y'all. It's...been a rough couple of weeks. So, I thought--better to light a single candle, right?

If you're familiar with wildlife conservation success stories, then you're likely also familiar with their exact polar opposite. The Northern White Rhino. Conservation's poster child for despair. Our greatest and most high-profile utter failure. We slaughtered them for wealth and status, and applied the brakes too slow. Changed course too late.

We poured everything we had into trying to save them, and we failed.

We lost them. They died. The last surviving male was named Sudan. He died in 2018, elderly and sick. His genetic material is preserved, along with frozen semen from other long-dead males, but only as an exercise in futility. Only two females survive--a mother and daughter, Najin and Fatu.

Both of them are infertile. They still live; but the Northern White Rhinoceros is extinct. Gone forever.

In 2023, an experimental procedure was attempted, a hail-mary desperation play to extract healthy eggs from the surviving females.

It worked.

The extracted eggs were flown to a genetics lab, and artificially fertilized using the sperm of lost Northern males. The frozen semen that we kept, all this time, even after we knew that the only living females were incapable of becoming pregnant.

It worked.

Thirty northern white rhino embryos were created and cryogenically preserved, but with no ability to do anything with them, it was a thin hope at best. In 2024, for the first time, an extremely experimental IVF treatment was attempted on a SOUTHERN white rhino--a related subspecies.

It worked.

The embryo transplanted as part of the experiment had no northern blood--but the pregnancy took. The surgery was safe for the mother. The fetus was healthy. The procedure is viable. Surrogate Southern candidates have already been identified to carry the Northern embryos. Rhinoceros pregnancies are sixteen months long, and the implantation hasn't happened yet. It will take time, before we know. Despair is fast and loud. Hope is slower, softer. Stronger, in the end.

The first round may not take. We'll learn from it. It's what we do. We'll try again. Do better, the next time. Fail again, maybe. Learn more. Try harder.

This will not save the species. Not overnight. The numbers will be very low, with no genetic diversity to speak of. It's a holding action, nothing more.

Nothing less.

One generation won't save a species. But even a single calf will buy us time. Not quite gone, not yet. One more generation. One more endling. One more chance. And if we seize it, we might just get another after that. We're getting damn good at gene editing. At stem-cell research. In the length of a single rhino lifetime, we'll get even better.

For decades, we have been in a holding action with no hope in sight. Researchers, geneticists, environmentalists, wildlife rehabbers. Dedicated and heroic Kenyan rangers have kept the last surviving NWRs under 24/7 armed guard, line-of-sight, eyes-on, never resting, never relaxing their guard. Knowing, all the while, that their vigilance was for nothing. Would save nothing. This is a dead species--an elderly male, two females so closely related that their offspring couldn't interbreed even if they could produce any--and they can't.

Northern white rhino conservation was the most devastatingly hopeless cause in the world.

Two years from now, that dead species may welcome a whole new generation.

It's a holding action, just a holding action, but not "just". There is a monument, at the Ol Pejeta Conservancy, where the last white rhinos have lived and will die. It was created at the point where we knew--not believed, knew--that the species was past all hope. It memorializes, by name there were so few, the last of the northern white rhinos. Most of the markers have brief descriptions--where the endling rhino lived, how it was rescued, how it died.

One marker bears only these words: SUDAN | Last male Northern White Rhino.

If even a single surrogate someday bears a son, we have erased the writing on that plaque forever.

All we can manage is a holding action? Then we hold. We hold hard and fast and long, use our fingernails if we have to. But hold. Even and perhaps especially when we are past all hope.

We never know what miracle we might be buying time for.

[idiopathicsmile]

you know what really grinds my gears?

okay, bear with me: so as you may know, harry houdini and arthur conan doyle were friends, at least for a while.

by the early 1920s, both arthur conan doyle and acd's wife jean, aka lady doyle, believed whole-heartedly in spiritualism, talking to ghosts and all of that. (sidenote: this was of course right on the heels of a devastating world war and a devastating pandemic, both of which had created a huge population of grieving people, so spiritualism was having a moment.)

lady doyle sincerely thought she had the ability to go into a trance state and pass along messages in writing from the dead. she offered to do this for houdini. houdini agreed.

lady doyle attempted to channel houdini's late mother. she basically drew a cross at the top of the paper and filled it with generic platitudes addressed to "harry." houdini's mom was jewish and didn't talk like that, so houdini knew the jig was up, even if lady doyle didn't. but not wanting to make the situation awkward, he kind of went along with it to their faces.

then acd decided to publish a glowing account of the seance, and since both he and houdini were super famous, it got a lot of attention, and letters started pouring in for houdini, asking if this was true. ultimately, houdini couldn't lie about it. so he essentially said, like, "yeah, i think lady doyle THINKS she can talk to ghosts but she absolutely can't." and it ruined his friendship with acd forever.

and then of course a lot of the people running seances weren't even well-intentioned like lady doyle, they were just simple charlatans taking advantage of traumatized people mourning loved ones. in houdini's youth, he and his wife had traveled the carnival circuit where he did an act pretending to commune with spirits, so he knew all the tricks of the trade AND he had lingering guilt over having done this, AND he was infuriated by this increasingly popular wave of con artists so he decided to assemble a team of anti-grifting grifters and together they went on the road exposing whichever spiritualists were preying on the locals.

houdini's best agent was a young woman named rose mackenberg, who donned disguises to visit the fraud de jour and then importantly sussed out what non-supernatural thing was actually happening, and then houdini would demonstrate the techniques onstage to packed audiences.

(if you want to know more, check out episode 175, "ghost racket crusade" of the podcast Criminal or read Tony Wolf's book The Real-Life Ghostbusting Adventures of Rose Mackenberg.)

but yeah, what really gets my goat is that all this happened and as far as i know, we still don't have like four seasons of a Leverage-style historical procedural about rose mackenberg and the rest of the crew having adventures in the 1920s as they unmask craven hucksters all over the united states. (what we do have, apparently, is one season of a show called "houdini and doyle" which is about the oddball friendship of two contrasting men solving sometimes-actually-supernatural mysteries, and whose premise does i think at the very least a real disservice to houdini's whole quest and also totally erases rose, who is arguably the most interesting part of this story to me.)

i am just steamed about this. steamed.

[weaselandfriends]

Ender's Game (novel)

Is Ender Wiggin (pictured above as the little brother from Malcolm in the Middle) guilty of xenocide?

Actually, let's first answer a different, but related, question:

What game does the title "Ender's Game" refer to?

It's not as simple a question as it seems. There are three games that have a prominent role in the plot, all very different from one another.

The obvious answer is the Battle School zero-gravity game, where teams of competitors play glorified laser tag in a big empty cube. In terms of page count, most of the book is dedicated to this game. It's also the game depicted on the cover of the edition above.

Yet this game vanishes during the story's climax, when Ender is given a new game to play, a game he is told is a simulator of spaceship warfare. This "game" turns out to not be a game at all, though; after annihilating the alien homeworld in the final stage, Ender learns that he was actually commanding real ships against real enemies the whole time, and that he just singlehandedly ended the Human-Bugger war forever via total xenocide of the aliens. This is both the final game and the most consequential to the plot, despite the short amount of time it appears.

There's also a third game, a single-player video game Ender plays throughout the story. The game is procedurally generated by an AI to respond to the player's emotional state, and is used as a psychiatric diagnostic for the players. Of the three games, this is the one that probes deepest into Ender's psyche, that most defines him as a person; it's also the final image of the story, as the aliens build a facsimile of its world in reality after psychically reading Ender's mind while he xenocides them.

Because all three games are important, the easiest answer might be that the question doesn't matter, that the story is called Ender's Game not to propose this question at all but simply because the technically more accurate "Ender's Games" would improperly suggest a story about a serial prankster.

Fine. But why does the title use the possessive "Ender's" at all?

He does not own any of these games. He did not create them. He does not facilitate them. All of these games, even the simulator game, predate his use of them as a player, were not designed with him in mind, were intended to train and assess potential commanders for, ostensibly, the hundred years since the last Human-Bugger war.

It's in this question that we get to the crux of what defines Gamer literature.

These games are Ender's games because he dominates them into being about him. He enters a rigidly-defined, rules-based system, and excels so completely that the games warp around his presence. In the Battle School game, the administrators stack the odds against Ender, thereby rendering every other player's presence in the game irrelevant except in their function as challenges for Ender to overcome. The administrators acknowledge this in an argument among themselves:

"The game will be compromised. The comparative standings will become meaningless." [...] "You're getting too close to the game, Anderson. You're forgetting that it is merely a training exercise." "It's also status, identity, purpose, name; all that makes these children who they are comes out of this game. When it becomes known that the game can be manipulated, weighted, cheated, it will undo this whole school. I'm not exaggerating." "I know." "So I hope Ender Wiggin truly is the one, because you'll have degraded the effectiveness of our training method for a long time to come."

In this argument, Anderson views the game the way games have been viewed since antiquity: exercises in acquiring honor and status. This honor is based on the innate fairness inherent to games as rule-based systems, which is why in ancient depictions of sport the chief character is often not a competitor but the host, who acts as referee. In Virgil's Aeneid, for instance, the hero Aeneas hosts a series of funeral games (the games themselves intended as an honor for his dead father). Despite being the principal character of the epic, Aeneas does not compete in these games. Instead, he doles out prizes to each competitor based on the worthiness they display; his fairness marks him symbolically as a wise ruler. The Arthurian tournament is another example, where Arthur as host is the principal character, and the knights (Lancelot, Tristan, etc.) who compete do so primarily to receive honors from him or his queen.

In Ender's Game, it is the antagonistic figure Bonzo Madrid who embodies this classical concept of honor; the word defines him, is repeated constantly ("his Spanish honor"), drives his blistering hatred of Ender, who receives both unfair boons and unfair banes from the game's administrators, who skirts the rules of what is allowed to secure victory. Bonzo is depicted as a stupid, bull-like figure; his honor is ultimately worthless, trivially manipulated by Ender in their final fight.

Meanwhile, it's Ender's disregard for honor, his focus solely on his namesake -- ending, finishing the game, the ends before the means -- that makes him so valuable within the scope of the story. He is "the one," as Anderson puts it, the solipsistically important Gamer, the Only I Play the Game-r, because the game now matters in and of itself, rather than as a social activity. In the Aeneid and in Arthur, the competitors are soldiers, for whom there is a world outside the game. Their games are not a substitute for war but a reprieve from it, and as such they are an activity meant to hold together the unifying fabric of society. The values Anderson espouses (status, identity, purpose, name) are fundamentally more important in this social framework than winning (ending) is.

Ender's game, as the Goosebumps-style blurb on my 20-year-old book fair edition's cover proclaims, is not just a game anymore. Its competitors are also soldiers, but the game is meant to prepare them for war; the spaceship video game is actual war. And as this is a war for the survival of the human race, as Ender is told, there is no need for honor. The othered enemy must be annihilated, without remorse or mercy.

This ethos of the game as fundamentally important for its own sake pervades Gamer literature beyond Ender's Game. In Sword Art Online (which I wrote an essay on here), dying in the game is dying in real life, and as such, only Kirito's ability to beat the game matters. Like Ender, Kirito is immediately disdained by his fellow players as a "cheater" (oh sorry, I mean a "beater") because he possesses inherent advantages due to being a beta player. In an actual game, a game that is only a game, Kirito's cheat powers would render the game pointless. What purpose does Kirito winning serve if he does it with Dual Wielding, an overpowered skill that only he is allowed to have? But when a game has real stakes, when only ability to win matters, it is possible to disregard fairness and see the cheater as heroic.

This notion of the "cheat power," a unique and overpowered ability only the protagonist has, is pervasive in post-SAO Gamer literature. To those for whom games are simply games, such powers can only be infuriating and obnoxious betrayals of the purpose of games; to those for whom games mean more than just games, for whom games have a primacy of importance, these powers are all that matter.

That's the core conceit of Gamer literature: the idea that the Game is life, that winning is, in fact, everything.

What sets Ender's Game apart from Sword Art Online is that it creates the inverted world where the Game matters above all, but then draws back the curtain to reveal the inversion. The Buggers are, in fact, no longer hostile. They are not planning to invade Earth again, as Ender has been told his entire life. The war, for them, is entirely defensive, and Ender is the aggressor. And due to Ender's singleminded focus on Ending, on winning, on disregarding honor and fairness, he ultimately commits the xenocide, erases an entire sentient species from existence. He wins a game he should never have been playing.

The obvious counterargument, the one I imagine everyone who has read this book thought up the moment I posed the question at the beginning of this essay, is that Ender did not know he was committing xenocide. The fact that the combat simulator game was not a game was withheld from him until afterward. Plus, he was a child.

Salient arguments all. Ones the book itself makes, via Ender's commander, Graff, to absolve him of sin at the end. They're probably even correct, in a legal sense (I'm not a legal scholar, don't quote me), and in a moral sense. In real life, it would be difficult to blame a 10-year-old in those circumstances for what he did. But in the thematic framework of Ender's Game the book, these arguments are completely inadequate.

Ender has been playing a fourth game the entire story. And this is the only game he doesn't win.

A game is defined by its system of control and limitation over the behavior of the players. A game has rules. His whole life, Ender has been playing within the rules of the system of control his military commanders place upon him.

Their control extends even before he was born; as a third child in a draconian two-child-only world, his existence is at the behest of the government. Graff confirms this to Ender's parents when he recruits him to Battle School: "Of course we already have your consent, granted in writing at the time conception was confirmed, or he could not have been born. He has been ours since then, if he qualified." Graff frames this control utterly, in terms of possession: "he has been ours." He does not exaggerate. Since Ender was young, he has had a "monitor" implanted in his body so the army could observe him at all times, assess whether he "qualifies"; even the brief moment the monitor is removed is a test. "The final step in your testing was to see what would happen when the monitor came off," Graff explains after Ender passes the test by murdering a 6-year-old. Conditions are set up for Ender, similar to the unfair challenges established in the Battle School game; he is isolated from his peers, denied practice sessions, held in solitary confinement on a remote planetoid. It's all in service of assessing Ender as "the one."

Ender wins this game in the sense that he does, ultimately, become "the one" -- the one Graff and the other military men want, the xenocider of the Buggers. He fails this game in the sense that he does not break it.

The other three games Ender plays, he breaks. Usually by cheating. In the single-player psychiatry game, when presented with a deliberately impossible challenge where a giant gives him two glasses to pick between, Ender cheats and kills the giant. "Cheater, cheater!" the dying giant shouts. In the Battle School game, Ender is ultimately confronted by insurmountable odds: 2 armies against his 1. He cannot outgun his opponent, so he cheats by using most of his troops as a distraction so five soldiers can sneak through the enemy's gate, ending the game. At the school, going through the gate is traditionally seen as a mere formality, something done ceremonially once the enemy team is wiped out (there's that honor again, that ceremony), but it technically causes a win. Even Anderson, the game's administrator, sees this as a breach of the rules when Ender confronts him afterward.

Ender was smiling. "I beat you again, sir," he said. "Nonsense, Ender," Anderson said softly. "Your battle was with Griffin and Tiger." "How stupid do you think I am?" Ender said. Loudly, Anderson said, "After that little maneuver, the rules are being revised to require that all of the enemy's soldiers must be frozen or disabled before the gate can be reversed."

(I include the first part of that quote to indicate that Ender all along knows who he is really playing this game against -- the administrators, the military men who control every facet of his life.)

Ender beats the war simulator game in a similar fashion. Outnumbered this time 1000-to-1, he uses his soldiers as sacrifices to sneak a single bomb onto the alien's homeworld, destroying it and committing his xenocide. Ender himself sees this maneuver as breaking the rules, and in fact falsely believes that if he breaks the rules he will be disqualified, set free from the fourth game: "If I break this rule, they'll never let me be a commander. It would be too dangerous. I'll never have to play a game again. And that is victory." The flaw in his logic comes not from whether he's breaking the rules of the game, but which game he is breaking the rules of. It's not the fourth game, Ender's game, but the war simulator game, simply a sub-game within the confines of the fourth game, a sub-game the fourth game's administrators want him to break, a sub-game that gives Ender the illusion of control by breaking. When Ender tells his administrators about his plan, the response he receives almost taunts him to do it:

"Does the Little Doctor work against a planet?" Mazer's face went rigid. "Ender, the buggers never deliberately attacked a civilian population in either invasion. You decide whether it would be wise to adopt a strategy that would invite reprisals."

(And if it wasn't clear how much the administrators wanted him to do this all along, the moment he does it, they flood the room with cheers.)

Ender wins his games by cheating -- by fighting the rules of the game itself -- and yet he never cheats at the fourth game, the game of his life.

In this fourth game, he always plays by the rules.

In the inverted world of Gamer lit, where games define everything, including life and death, it's a common, even natural progression for the Gamer to finally confront the game's administrator. Sword Art Online ends when Kirito defeats Akihiko Kayaba, the developer. In doing so, Kirito exceeds the confines of the game, not simply by ignoring its rules and coming back to life after he's killed, but by demonstrating mastery against the game's God. Afterward, Sword Art Online truly becomes Kirito's Game, with nobody else able to lay claim to the possessive. Kirito demonstrates this control at the end of the anime by recreating Sword Art Online's world using its source code, completing the transition into a player-administrator.

(Though I wonder, how much of a class reading could one give to this new brand of Gamer lit? If classical games were told from the perspective of the one who controlled them, then is there not something innately anti-establishment in Kirito overcoming the controller? This is the gist of many other death game stories, like The Hunger Games, though none of them may be the most sophisticated takes on the subject, more empty fantasy than anything else.)

Ender never fights or defeats his administrators. He never even tries, other than rare periods of depressive inactivity. He doesn't try even though the option is proposed to him by Dink Meeker, an older student whom Ender respects:

"I'm not going to let the bastards run me, Ender. They've got you pegged, too, and they don't plan to treat you kindly. Look what they've done to you so far." "They haven't done anything except promote me." "And she make you life so easy, neh?" Ender laughed and shook his head. "So maybe you're right." "They think they got you on ice. Don't let them." "But that's what I came for," Ender said. "For them to make me into a tool."

Instead, Ender finds comfort in the control exerted on his life. When sent to Earth on leave, he seeks out a lake that reminds him of living in Battle School.

"I spend a lot of time on the water. When I'm swimming, it's like being weightless. I miss being weightless. Also, when I'm here on the lake, the land slopes up in every direction." "Like living in a bowl." "I've lived in a bowl for four years."

Because of this, Ender never cheats against Graff. He could; Graff states several times that Ender is smarter than him, and the fact that they have Ender fighting the war instead of Graff is proof he believes it. But Ender never considers it. He never considers gaming the system of his life.

If Gamer literature emphasizes the inversion of the world order, where games supersede reality in importance (and, as in Sword Art Online, only through this inverted order is one able to claim real power by being a Gamer), then Ender's Game acknowledges both sides of the inversion. For Ender, the games he plays are not simply games anymore. The psychology game, the Battle School game, the war simulator game; all of these he must win at all costs, even if it requires disrespecting the foundational purpose of these games. But his real life? Ender wants that to be a game, craves it to be a game, can't live unless the walls slope up around him like a bowl, can't stand it unless there is a system of control around him. He does what Graff tells him, even though he recognizes immediately that Graff is not his friend, that Graff is the one isolating him from others, rigging things against him. He does what Graff tells him all the way up to and including xenocide, because Ender cannot tell game from real life. That's the core deception at the end: Ender is playing a game that's actually real and he doesn't know it -- or refuses to acknowledge it, since nobody has ever tricked the genius Ender before this point.

Actually, that's not true. They tricked him twice before. Ender twice attacks his peers physically, with brutal violence. The administrators conceal from him that he murdered both his foes; he simply thinks he hurt them. The only way to trick Ender is to do so in a way that insulates him from the consequences of his actions. The only way he will allow himself to be tricked.

So, is Ender guilty of xenocide?

Under it all, Ender believes he is.

The dying Buggers, after reading Ender's mind, recreate the psychology game in the real world. The story ends when Ender finds this recreation, yet another blurring of the lines between game and reality.

The psychology game is different from the other games Ender plays, because nobody expects him to win it. Its purpose is not to be won, simply to assess his mental health. Yet Ender approaches it like the other games, cheats at it and systematically kills all his enemies until he reaches a place called The End of the World. (Another End for Ender.) His drive to win, to dominate, does not come solely from the pressures of the system around him, but from deep within himself, which is what Ender fears the most. But it is here, at The End of the World, where Ender finds atonement, both in the game and in the game-made-real. In the game, he kisses his opponent instead of killing them, and reaches a resolution he is happy with. He stops playing the game after doing this, though the game seems to continue (when an administrator asks him why he stopped playing it, he says "I beat it"; the administrator tells him the game cannot be beaten). It is through this act of love that Ender can escape the game-like system of control that puppeteers him no matter how smart and clever he is or thinks he is.

In the game-made-real, Ender finds his atonement in the same place, The End of the World. The Buggers left for him here, in this place that they (reading his mind) understood as the location of his mercy and compassion, an egg that can repopulate their species. Through this egg, Ender is given the chance to undo his xenocide. But that chance is also contingent on what The End of the World means to Ender, an end to the game, not simply the games he plays but the fourth game, the game of his life. Ender's Game.

[ithebookhoarder]

Special Delivery (Spencer Reid x F!Reader)

Description: Something's different about Reid and no-one knows what. However, a surprise delivery to the BAU may just have the answer...

Warnings: Food references, mentions of mental health, mentions of medical procedures, references to smutty behaviour, Spencer being adorable

Masterlist

“Ok. Am I the only one who’s noticed something’s different with Reid lately?” Morgan remarked, watching as the said boy-genuis made his way across the bullpen and over to his desk. 

“Yeah,” Emily hummed, watching the young agent over the rim of coffee cup. She had to admit it - as much as it annoyed her - Morgan was right; Spencer has definitely been acting different. If anything, she was surprised it had taken them all this long to say anything. 

Normally, they were all over each other the moment they noticed anything even remotely different about each other. Hell, she’d barely taken a step off the elevator, after getting an extra few inches cut off at her latest haircut, before the team were quizzing her about possible life changes and whether or not they needed to be worried about her. 

It was a hazard of working with profilers for a living; it was almost impossible to keep anything a secret. No wonder they were all intrigued and slightly confused by the fact that none of them had been able to pinpoint what was going on with their friend. 

The most notable difference was the gradual disappearance of the dark circles under his eyes. Reid also seemed happier in general, less quiet and reserved when talking to others, and it was starting to make agents talk. 

Morgan and Emily stood up straighter as JJ walked over to join the unofficial gossip session. She took one look at the pair and knew immediately what they were whispering about. 

“Are you talking about Reid?”

“Oh yeah,” Morgan grinned, “my money’s on him having finally found someone.”

Emily choked, seemingly as a result of inhaling her coffee at the grand statement. “What?”

“Oh, come on, Miss ‘super spy’. Just look at him,” he teased. “He’s been distracted. He’s all goo-goo eyed and he’s been leaving this place at a normal hour. Like… tell me that doesn’t scream ‘I got a date’.”

“What? It could be loads of things. It doesn’t have to be a date, right JJ?”

“He’s probably just happy. We’ve all been getting more sleep lately and our paperwork is non-existent at the moment,” JJ murmured, reaching past the pair of them to grab for the coffee pot. She was clearly doing her best to try and put this line of questioning to rest. She’d always been the first to protect the younger agent she now saw as a little brother. “Besides, we all know he’s not interested in dating, he hasn’t been since…. Well, you know.”

Morgan groaned. “But what about the secret texts, JJ!” he protested, ignoring the look Emily shot him in return. “He’s been glued to that phone of his and keeps giggling like a school kid. Then there’s the lunches! I know he’s always been organised and likes things a certain way, but damn. His lunches have been like next level - and actually healthy? And I swear he’s had jello like every day.”

JJ rolled her eyes. “You’re basing your profile on jello? Is that it?” 

“Well, no I mean… did you not hear the part about the texting and the taking secret calls and the fact he didn’t come out for drinks last night-”

“-Can’t we just be glad for him? Whatever is going on, it’s good for him. Let’s just drop it, ok? He’ll tell us when he’s ready if there’s anything to share.”

“JJ’s right,” Emily echoed. “Reid’s just … happy. End of.”

By the way Morgan frowned it looked like it definitely was not the end of this conversation, but he never got the chance to argue. In fact, he was interrupted as the main doors opened next to them and a rather lost looking receptionist hurried through. 

Normally, this wouldn’t have been worth noticing but all three of them spun around at the sound of him calling out the name, “Agent Reid? uh… Is Agent Reid here?”

“Oh, uh, here!” Spencer shouted, soundly vaguely like he was taking roll call. It didn’t help that he shot his arm up in the air too, almost falling off his desk chair as he lurched to his feet and hurried over. “That’s… that’s me - and it’s Dr Reid, but it doesn’t matter. How can I help?”

“Oh, uh, there’s a Y/N at reception for you,” the unfortunate messenger managed, gesturing back the way they’d came. “I told them to wait whilst I came to check with you as they’re not on your visitor list-”

Spencer didn’t even let the poor man finish. He was already racing for the door before the man had even made it to the end of the sentence. Needless to say, the others were quick to follow, with Morgan smugly boasting “told you soooo” as he went. 

There was no way on earth they were missing this and considering Hotch and Rossi hadn’t arrived yet it wasn’t like they were about to get their asses handed to them for missing their briefing either. 

Despite the amount Spencer had told you about the BAU, you were still surprised by how different the FBI offices were to what you’d imagined. 

The offices were larger and the sheer number of people walking about in suits and carrying a side arm made you feel even more nervous, and that was already a problem considering you were stood there wearing neon blue scrubs, embroidered with jungle animals on the pocket. 

You were like a walking, flashing sign, screaming ‘outsider - does not work here’.  Thankfully, you weren’t going to be there long. You were only swinging by on your way to work, hoping to catch your utterly perfect - and utterly forgetful - boyfriend, before the start of your shift. 

Speaking of Spencer, you had only been standing there for possibly five minutes when you saw him barreling through the doors towards you. 

“Hey, Spence-“

“Y/N? Honey? What’s going on?” he gushed, hurrying over and taking your face in his hands. You could see his wide eyes frantically scanning every inch of you, looking for some kind of problem or sign that you were not ok. “Is everything alright? What are you doing here?”

You felt your cheeks warm at the sudden display of concern, very much aware of the scene your wonderful boyfriend was making. Spencer wasn’t normally the most affectionate in public, preferring to save those rare moments for when the two of you were alone. The fact he was so worried about what might have brought you to the FBI on a Tuesday morning was touching and made your heart swell. 

“I’m fine, Spence. Don’t worry-” 

“Then what are you doing here?” 

“You forgot something,” you soothed, pulling back and reaching into your satchel. It was impossible to miss the way his face reddened as you pulled out a neatly labeled Dr Who Tupperware by way of explanation. “I’m here because you were in such a rush this morning that you forgot your lunch.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, ‘oh’,” you teased. “I couldn’t exactly let you go hungry so I thought I’d drop it off on my way to work. I don’t start till later as I’m covering Amelia’s shift as she’s visiting her sister in Boston, so I thought I’d swing by.”

Sure, Spencer was an adult and you could have let him just buy something from the cafeteria or order something in for lunch, but considering how much effort he had gone to to cook with you the day before you felt bad letting it go to waste. 

He’d been so proud of the way the recipe had turned out, following the instructions and your guidance with extreme precision and care. The result had been a rather tasty looking dish - and it had the added benefit of being healthy too. You were always worried that Spencer seemed to think fast food, like Pizza, was a food group. Then again, he had been forced to be an adult pretty fast and had been in college so young that it wasn’t a surprise that no-one had been there to teach him about cooking and eating right. He had been too focused on his studies to even think about anything else.  

It was something he had been working on since you’d got together and now cooking had become one of your favourite date night activities. It didn’t hurt that you often ended up spilling food all over yourselves and needing to shower together - it was just a lovely bonus. In fact, your screensaver was now a picture of you and Spencer, covered in flour, and beaming ear to ear. 

“Thank you, that… that’s so nice,” Spencer stammered, “but I feel bad. You didn’t need to go out of your way and bring it to me.”

“As I say, it’s on my way to work. It’s no trouble.”

“Well, still-“

“Hey, pretty boy!” 

Spencer froze. 

“You gonna introduce us to your friend, or what?”

Spencer opened his mouth but instantly closed it again. You knew by the way he rolled his eyes and began muttering under his breath that whoever had shouted that had definitely been talking to him. 

You couldn’t help but giggle. “Pretty boy, huh?” 

“Don’t ask,” he whined, taking a deep breath as you looked over his shoulder and saw a small group of people now making their way towards you. “I should probably mention that I wasn’t sure how comfortable you were with me mentioning you, so I haven’t told anyone about us yet and those idiots are some of my team and I would say ‘run’ but they’re all faster than me.”

“Ah… I see. So I’m guessing that one is Morgan?” 

“Yes.”

“Well, no time like the present,” you cheered, turning and waving at the approaching trio. “Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N - Spencer’s girlfriend.”

“Wow. A girlfriend?” cooed Morgan, reaching over to pull you into a hug before the other two could stop him. To their credit, they looked slightly embarrassed by the display but they were clearly too interested in your identity to care. “And a doctor to boot? Didn’t know he had it in him. I’m Derek Morgan.”

“Oh, I worked that out. It’s good to finally meet you all.” 

The others were quick to echo the sentiment, with JJ and Emily quickly introducing themselves in tandem. They were also quick to invite you inside the office for some coffee, but thankfully you weren’t lying when you said you had to get to work. 

“You know how it is. People to take care of, medical cases to solve, lives to save - same old, same old. All I’m missing is a snazzy badge and I could be an FBI agent.” 

“Ha ha.” Spencer’s smile was genuine as you stole a kiss before making a dash for your car. However, you could see the nerves in his eyes at being left alone to face the great inquisition that now awaited him following the discovery of your existence. You were pretty sure the entire BAU would know about you before it even hit lunchtime. “I’ll see you later, ok?” 

“Of course. Just let me know if you’re coming home or if you’re off saving the world in another state - otherwise I can’t promise I won’t eat all the leftovers before you get back.” 

He chuckled. “Will do.” 

With that, you bid the others goodbye, making sure to agree when they asked (more like insisted) that you came to their family dinner on Friday night at none other than Rossi’s house. The rest of the team were going to be begging to meet you after this, and they were all bringing their families along too. 

If Spencer wasn’t comfortable with you going you were pretty sure the team would believe it if you said you’d got called into a last minute surgery, but you’d check later when you both returned to the apartment you now called your home. Either way, you were going to have to make something to take with you, just in case. 

As your grandpa had always said, there was no quicker way to someone’s heart than through their stomach. Or, as in Spencer's case, with an unlimited supply of Jello...

[unintentionalseductress]

Natural Breeding Clinic - Prologue

warnings: MDNI, breeding kinks, general sex, mention of infertility and insemination methods

a/n: It's here. Finally.

Teaser - Prologue - Patient 1

You take a deep breath and sit down in front of the laptop, waiting for the other person to join the call. Never in your life had you heard about such a unique reproductive center but lately, you’d been feeling the pull to start your own family. You’d discussed this with relevant people in your life. Everyone had said if you really wanted a child, then you should go with the options you thought were right for you.

You’d done the research, looking into different doctors and fertility clinics, but this one just stood out. There were testimonials from several happy families, saying their methods, though unconventional, were effective, and the doctors showcased on the website were all incredibly striking, each one handsome in their own way. But it was the success rate that caught your eye. A 98% guaranteed rate that you would be pregnant, and that pregnancy would be healthy. The site didn’t go into too much detail on their method, but the wording caught your eye.

“A natural breeding clinic” they’d called themselves. You’d finally bitten the bullet and called, requesting an information session. The screen suddenly lightens and you focus your attention as an attractive woman with shoulder-length brown hair comes into view. She smiles in a welcoming way before speaking.

“Hello. Am I speaking with Mrs. L/n?” You nod and smile back, trying not to look awkward or uncomfortable. 

“Perfect! My name is Shoko Ieiri, I’m the main coordinating nurse here at Jujutsu Fertility. Thank you for scheduling an information session with us.”

“Yes, of course. I just needed more details before I booked an appointment.”

“Indeed.” Shoko claps her hands together before continuing. “Let me start by telling you a little bit about ourselves. We’ve been around for almost 6 years now. What sets us apart is that we focus more on women’s comfort than most other clinics. And we are sought out by people who are willing to use a sperm donor. We do not perform insemination services with sperm that are not from our own stock.”

“Your own stock? Are you associated with a sperm bank? And screen all the donors yourself?”

“Not a sperm bank in the conventional sense. We have 5 doctors who keep excellent health and their sperm is regularly screened to ensure quality. They are the only stock we allow for insemination.”

You blink to make sure you haven’t misheard. “The…doctors? Are you saying the fertility doctor I’d be meeting with will also be my sperm donor?”

“That is correct.” Shoko nods her head to confirm. “You will be meeting with the doctor of your choosing for at least 5 sessions. They will need to be at least once a week. Some women take the week off and come in 5 days straight.”

“5…sessions?” you ask, confused by the wording.

“Yes. It’s to ensure the insemination process has occurred an optimal number of times.”

“Wait…so…I’m going to be inseminated multiple times? How much downtime do I need in between each insemination?”

“Hardly any. Our method isn’t like a typical clinic. Most women leave feeling very normal and a lot more satisfied than when they came in.”

“Not like a typical clinic? So…you don’t use the catheter method?”

“We use minimal medical equipment in our inseminations.”

“Minimal…so what does the procedure entail?”

Shoko clears her throat and continues. “So it begins with you choosing one of our doctors. We highly recommend spending some time on this part. It’s essential that you feel attraction towards your doctor. Once you make a choice, they will reach out to discuss how your insemination experience can be optimized for you. You will receive a biodata on their sexual profile, their preferred methods of arousal, and other relevant details.”

“I’m sorry, but what?” You are at the edge of your seat wondering if you’ve entered an alternate dimension. Surely, this was all being made up? “Arousal, sexual profile- why would I need all these details? I thought sperm donors only gave information like height, weight, medical history and stuff like that.”

“Why wouldn’t they? You’re choosing to be bred by them. They would have to make sure their patient is satisfied with the experience.”

“Bred?” You bleat the word stupidly.

“Yes. We are a natural breeding clinic. We use the method nature has provided to us to ensure a pregnancy.”

The gears in your brain start turning and something finally clicks.

“Are-are you saying…I would be having sex with my doctor?”

“That is correct.” Shoko smiles gently at you, pleased that you have finally caught on.

“The human body doesn’t necessarily enjoy having medical equipment inserted into it. All that cold plastic, and the mechanical methods of insertion. It puts the body in a state of stress. Not good for implantation. So our doctors will inseminate you through the process of intercourse.”

 Her words fall like a fog around you. You can feel your heart racing, a flush creeping into your cheeks. It was…insane. The doctor of your choosing was essentially going to fuck a baby into you. As your mind starts pulling up the images of their doctors, each one impossibly handsome and striking, you feel a familiar throb starting between your legs. Wetting your lips, you try to talk to continue with the information session.

“I see. And…there are benefits to this?”

“Yes. Intercourse allows the body to relax, releasing happy hormones. In this stress-free state, in addition to the knowledge that your doctor is someone you’re attracted to and trust, the chance of an implantation doubles.”

You gape at Shoko, your mind reeling from all the information.

“And…when you say the insemination process will be optimized for my best experience…?”

“The doctor you choose will ask you extensive questions about your preferences. What turns you on, positions, dislikes, toys. It’s to determine if they will satisfy your breeding experience. If they feel they might not be a good fit, they’ll recommend another one of our doctors.”

You swallow, your mouth going dry. “I see. And…what else do I need to know?”

“We will start by collecting your medical history and run some blood work to make sure your body is ready for an insemination process. Women who have a domestic partner will need to get both a waiver and a consent form signed by their partner that they have been informed what happens for the insemination.”

“Of course. Makes sense.”

“You will be assigned an emotional support companion during this process. It will either be myself or Mr. Ijichi Kiyotaka. We are there to help ease your nerves and ensure you enjoy the process. And all patients must think of a unique safeword to use during the insemination process.”

“Safeword?” you parrot back, still processing.

“Yes. At any point during the process, should you feel uncomfortable, your safeword ensures all actions cease and your doctor will give you some space to breathe and reassess the situation.”

All you can do is nod along. Shoko gives you a look of reassurance. “I can guarantee that most women are pleased with the results. And our doctors are quite skilled in what they do. It’s natural to feel a little shy and embarrassed but at the end of the day, we all share a common goal- a healthy baby.”

Despite your initial shock, you feel some of your trepidation fade away. Shoko continues.

“If you are ok with all of this, I can send you the forms to get the process started. Once those are filled, you can take some time to decide on your doctor. Then we’ll set up a call with them.”

“Thank you.” You make a split-second decision. “Please go ahead and send the forms.”

“Excellent. I’ll send them to the email you put in your inquiry. Was there anything else?”

You shake your head no. “I think I have all I need.”

“Great! I look forward to assisting you again.” Shoko ends the call and you immediately go the the website again to look at the doctors, one of which will end up fathering your child. Such a hard decision. How will you ever make the choice?

@thesunxwentblack @kentocalls @actuallysaiyan

@belle-oftheball34 @jesssicapaniagua

@figmentforms

© unintentionalseductress original work | no copying, plagiarizing or translating

[skzophreniic]

⍣ ೋ cw: explicit sexual content. use of vibrator. bit messy.

⍣ ೋ notes: hullo guest of room 801. i see you have requested a personal communication line with our general manager christoper. i'll have to forward him your request and see. don't worry though, i'm not sure he is capable of denying you anything :)

INTERNAL INVESTIGATION REPORT Filed by: Concierge Aeryn Subject: Staff Conduct – Unauthorized Use of Executive Amenities Staff Member Under Review: General Manager Bang Chan Requested by: Guest (Room 801)

[Location: General Manager Christopher's office, 2:12 p.m.]

The door to General Manager Bang Chan’s office clicks shut behind her—quietly, purposefully.

It always unnerves Aeryn, how the soundproofing works. How the outside world cuts off so cleanly, as if the very walls themselves conspire to protect him. Or hide him.

She’s holding the letter in one hand—folded precisely once, no wrinkles, no smudges—and a soft pink clipboard in the other. Because aesthetics matter, even in war.

Bang Chan looks up from his laptop, brows raised slightly, not in alarm but in a kind of cool anticipation. He’s in his tailored charcoal suit, shirt unbuttoned just enough to suggest he’s had a long morning—but not long enough to explain the state of his tie (missing) or the faint imprint of someone’s lip gloss on his jawline (left side, cherry red).

“Concierge,” he says smoothly, standing. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Behind her, the door opens again.

“Sorry,” Seungmin mutters, stepping in with a deadpan expression and a steaming cup of black coffee. “Figured you’d need this.”

His gaze flicks to Aeryn’s clipboard. “Ah. Suite 801.”

A pause. Bang Chan exhales through his nose and reaches for the coffee, the very picture of composed.

“I take it this is about the... formal enquiry?”

Aeryn offers him a smile far too polished to be kind. “That’s correct, sir. The guest has raised some questions regarding the nondisclosure terms surrounding your last... engagement. Specifically as it pertains to any equipment added mid-stay.”

Seungmin coughs.

Chan’s lips twitch, dangerously close to a grin. “Is that so?”

“She’s also requested a formal investigation and a full reconstruction. For documentation and research purposes.”

There’s a silence. The kind that only exists in a very expensive room, built to contain very expensive secrets.

Chan sets his coffee down. Rolls up his sleeves. Unbuttons his cuffs.

And then—finally—meets her eyes.

“Well,” he murmurs, voice low and just a little rough. “I suppose I’d better walk you through it.”

[Location: General Manager Christopher's office, 12:12 p.m.]

It starts with an extension request.

A polite one. Professional. You even knocked on the General Manager’s door like you hadn’t shown up in nothing but a barely-tied robe and a mischievous smile. As if the slight sway in your hips wasn’t deliberate. As if your bare legs weren’t a test he was already too aware of.

He opens the door himself—of course he does—and looks at you like he knows. That stare of his: sharp, calculated, interested. Always in control.

“Come in,” he says, stepping aside. His tone is polite. Neutral. But you catch it—the flicker of something darker beneath the words. Something curious.

You sit. He doesn’t.

“What can I help you with, Miss…?”

You tell him your name, lips twitching.

There’s a pause. A muscle ticks in his jaw. “Right.”

You explain your request—wanting to extend your stay, preferably in the same suite. He listens attentively, nodding, folding his hands like a proper manager. But his eyes… they never leave your thighs.

“I’m afraid there are procedures for that sort of thing,” he says finally, walking around his desk. “Especially if it’s… a special room like yours.”

And then, almost casually: “Have you signed the NDA yet?”

You blink. “I—no?”

He nods like he expected that. Like this was part of the script.

“Then we’ll need to take care of that first.” His drawer opens. A sleek document appears on the desk, printed on pale pink letterhead. “Sign here.”

The pen he hands you is gold. Heavy.

You sign without reading it.

“Good girl,” he murmurs, quiet enough you almost miss it.

Then: “Would you mind standing for a moment?”

You do. Confused, but intrigued.

He circles you slowly. Looks you over like you’re an art piece. No, a luxury amenity. Then, he brushes your robe off your shoulder, lets it fall slightly—no resistance from you. He hums when he sees the lack of anything underneath.

“No undergarments?” he asks, voice silk.

You smile. “Is that a problem?”

“Not at all,” he says. “In fact… I think it helps speed up the process.”

Before you can ask what he means, he nudges you gently backward—until the backs of your thighs hit the edge of his desk.

“Lie back,” he instructs, already loosening his tie. “We’ll keep this… efficient.”

You’re halfway reclined before he reaches for something in another drawer—velvet-lined, discreet, and utterly not standard issue. He holds up a slim, blush-pink vibrator. High-end. Sleek.

“Just a small evaluation,” he says, tone mock-professional. “To assess your suitability for extended accommodations.”

And then he turns it on.

The first contact is a whisper against your clit—barely-there, maddening. He watches your hips twitch, listens to your breath hitch, and smiles like a man who has all the time in the world.

“This setting is for guests requesting late check-outs,” he murmurs, dragging the toy in slow, steady circles. “It’s gentle. Teasing. Nothing too disruptive.”

You’re already panting, your thighs falling open wider for him.

He presses a button. The vibrations intensify.

“This one’s for those staying more than three nights. More persistent. Demands patience.”

You gasp, legs trembling, fingers digging into the edge of the desk.

He leans down, mouth brushing your ear. “Shall we see what happens when we activate the ‘executive suite’ tier?”

He clicks it again.

It pulses deep. Relentless. Your hips buck, and he places a hand firmly on your stomach to keep you still.

“Now, now,” he soothes, voice low and cruelly calm. “Stay still for me. You wanted to extend your stay, didn’t you?”

You try to speak—try to say yes—but it breaks into a whine, breathless and high. He slides the toy lower, dragging it up and down your soaked folds before circling your clit again with a precision that makes you see stars.

“You’re soaking my desk,” he remarks, almost fondly. “I should write you up for that.”

You can feel it building—fast. Too fast. You lift your hips for more, chasing it.

He pulls the toy away.

Your whole body arches in protest. He tsks.

“We’re not done evaluating.”

He brings it back, lower speed this time. Draws it up slowly. Watches you squirm.

Then—without warning—he slides two fingers inside you, slow and deep. Your body shudders, clenching around him instantly. He groans low, the sound almost reverent.

“So responsive,” he mutters, pumping them in time with the toy. “You don’t even realize how much you’re giving me.”

You’re close. So close.

But he doesn’t speed up.

He keeps you right there, on the edge—over and over, until your body is trembling, sweat slicking your skin, whimpers spilling from your lips.

“Please,” you gasp.

He raises a brow. “Please what?”

“Let me—fuck, please—I need to cum—”

“Hmm.” He leans in. “I suppose we can add that to your amenities.”

And then he does it—cruel little circles with the toy while his fingers curl just right and your whole body locks up, pleasure crashing over you like a tidal wave. You sob out his name as your legs shake, thighs clenching around his wrist, your back arching off the desk.

But he doesn’t stop.

Keeps going through your orgasm, holding the toy against your overstimulated clit as you twitch and moan and try to wriggle away.

“Too much?” he asks, feigning innocence. “Then maybe we need to reconsider your extension—”

You whimper something incoherent, begging, panting, desperate.

He finally clicks the vibrator off.

Removes his fingers. Watches your slick drip down them.

Licks them clean.

“I’ll approve your stay,” he says, straightening. Adjusting his cuffs. Then, without hurry, he reaches for the top button of his shirt. Undoes it. Then another. His eyes, dark and knowing, never leave yours.

“But I’m going to need a more… thorough evaluation.”

A pause. His tongue flicks over his bottom lip, and he smirks.

“Let’s discuss the premium package.”

______________________________________________________________

🗒️ INTERNAL SERVICE MEMO From: Concierge Aeryn To: SKZotel Staff – All Departments Subject: Incident Debrief – Suite 801 / General Manager Conduct Classification: Staff Eyes Only / Group Chat Archive

Team,

Per guest request (and because Seungmin couldn’t keep his mouth shut for five minutes), below is the transcript of this morning’s staff group chat regarding the… situation in Suite 801 involving General Manager Bang Chan.

Please note: The following messages have not been edited for professionalism, confidentiality compliance, or emotional damage. Names have not been redacted because frankly, if I had to be in that room with him and Seungmin, you all get to suffer with me.

Proceed accordingly. – Aeryn Concierge, SKZotel

series taglist: @nightmarenyxx

[shalfeis]

😳Hey I really like your cat headcanon , wonder if you will do it again with another character like mydei,anaxa and the other character from amphoreus or other character from other planet 🤔

I'm glad you liked it. It's been a while since I posted something, so you gave me some inspiration, I'm sorry if it took a long time.

possible ooc, and that's all, ig

reader x anaxa, mydei, march 7 (separately)

part 1, part 2, part 3

Anaxagoras

A fairly calm and non-confrontational cat. If you have other pets, then he treats them neutrally. Anaxa also generally doesn't make you uncomfortable.

He treats water procedures quite normally. He understands the need for it himself, even if he doesn't always like it.

Definitely picky about food. God forbid you give him the wrong brand of food, you'll get the most judgmental look in the world. He will pointedly turn away after that and go somewhere.

Anaxa watches various courses and webinars with you, and very carefully. He expresses his displeasure if he notices that the "teacher" is saying some nonsense unrelated to the lesson. For example, he will wag his tail irritably or snort.

And yes, you won't be able to shirk work with him. He starts looking at you so disapprovingly that you start feeling guilty. But hey, look at it this way! You just don't have deadlines, because all the work is done on time, and from time to time you get a pretty good bonus for it.

He's not the most talkative, but when he wants to get your attention, he meows softly and waves his paw. When he does that, your heart melts, he looks so charming. Bonus points for an eye patch.

He has a habit of coming to you late at night and going to sleep next to you and purring softly, and early in the morning he gets up and returns to his couch. You wouldn't even know about it if you hadn't woken up in the middle of the night one day. You were sure he was spending the whole night on the couch! What a tricky one.

Anaxa is not the best in terms of comfort or support, but nevertheless he will be there for you until you feel better. While you're spilling out everything that's bothering you, he listens to you carefully. After that, he will snuggle up to you a little, making it clear that he is near. It helps tremendously.

Anyway, either you have a bad memory, or he has too good a memory. He's constantly helping you find things, like house keys or a second glove, which for some reason is always missing. And he ALWAYS finds the things you need.

As for strangers in your home, it's a little difficult. He usually stays away from the guests and remains neutral. But if they call him Anaxa, then I feel sorry for them. He's proud of the name you gave him, Anaxagoras, so it makes him angry when someone distorts his name or doesn't pronounce it in full. The privilege of calling him Anaxa belongs only to his mistress (to you).

In general, he is not against the move. All that matters to him is that the house is comfortable and you like it. And sometimes a change of scenery doesn't hurt.

It may be difficult, it's not always clear, but Anaxa loves you. There's no way he's going to trade this life for a life with someone else.

Mydei

A big and calm cat. Easily gets along with other pets.

Not fussy about food at all. He'll eat everything, and yet he likes your cooking more than the food.

He loves cooking with you. Well, you don't let him get close to the stove, afraid he'll get hurt. But you let him be with you. His presence alone makes the cooking process more comfortable and fun.

Like Anaxa, he is calm about water procedures. He waits patiently until you finish combing his hair, washing and drying his fur.

Helps you with the cleaning. Yeah, he can't do much with his paws, but, he brings and takes away small objects, for example, a cloth or remote control, his toys, and so on. It's cute.

He's also quite good at consolation. If you're sad, he'll butt his head, sit on your lap, and start making cookies, while purring to everyone. Do I have to say that in a moment you forget why you were sad?

You swear that you won't find a partner because of your cat. Seriously, if they're not going to be the same as Mydei, then why are they needed at all? He's too good.

As for the guests, he treats them calmly. Prefers to watch them from the couch in the living room, or being next to you. Some of your visitors with children are afraid that such a big cat might harm them. But as you know, nothing like that happens. On the contrary, he seems to enjoy messing with them.

Mydei, like Anaxagoras, doesn't really like it when guests call him Mydei instead of Mydeimos, but he's already come to terms with it.

You go for a walk together from time to time. You have a lot of photos in which Mydei looks majestic, as if he is a very rare breed of cat, knows about it and is proud of it.

He may seem inaccessible, but in fact he's a sweetheart, the gentlest and kindest cat you've ever had. He loves you very much, just like you love him.

March 7

If the first two seemed pretty calm to you and you wanted someone more active, then get a walking hurricane, not like a Trailblazer, but still. You will never feel bored. She quickly establishes relationships with new pets.

She is very active and playful. You bought a lot of toys for her, and she likes them. Especially a big teddy bear, she can even fall asleep on it.

Also not exactly picky about food. She just likes some brands of food less than others, that's all. She eats your cooking with pleasure too.

If we are talking about water procedures, then three things must be observed: the first is that the water should be warm, not hot, the second is that some toys are needed, and the third is photographs. Although the latter is already being done, you just can't resist taking a couple of photos.

Speaking of photos. March is VERY photogenic, just really. You have a whole album dedicated to her. And she also somehow learned how to take photos herself on your phone. They're so funny that you can't help but laugh. You even started a blog for her on one of the social networks, and she quickly gained popularity.

She likes to watch you when you're doing something. Whether it's cooking, cleaning, or working on a project, she's interested in everything you do.

You're sleeping with your arms around each other. Of course, she has her own couch and stuff, but she prefers to sleep next to you.

She likes it when you have visitors. She examines them with interest, allows herself to be stroked. However, she doesn't really like it when someone starts teasing her with other names, like April 9 or September 4. But anyway, she's happy to have guests.

You can say that she will wholeheartedly support your decision to move, if there is one. She will miss the old house, of course, but she will also be very happy about the new one. So many new memories await!

She's very attached to you. You are inseparable, you love each other very much.

[vixensdungeon]

Alright, time to talk about one of the hot button issues in D&D today: skills, and how they've evolved over the 50-year lifespan of the game. We'll start, of course, from the beginning.

Dungeons & Dragons (1974)

So there actually isn't a skill system here. But the primordial origins are there, in the various neat little procedures of adventuring. Firstly there are languages. Humans know the "common tongue," which at this point isn't a single language, it just refers to the local Lingua Franca. I think all non-human player characters are assumed to be in 20% of other creatures who speak the language along with their own one. You also know an alignment language (Lawful, Chaotic, or Neutral), and one additional creature language for every point of Intelligence above 10.

NPC reactions. This is rolled on a simple 2d6 table for recruiting hirelings. Another 2d6 table is for monster reactions.

Surprise rolls. There are no stealth or perception skills, and adventurers are simply assumed to be sneaking around while in dungeons, with surprise rolled when monsters are encountered.

Doors can be listened at and secret doors found, with simple d6 rolls.

There's also a chance of getting lost in the wilderness, which sort of implies a general ability to not do so in most situations.

And that's basically it! You can already see several different skills we know today forming in the primordial soup.

But you feel like something is missing, right? Ah, of course! We must take a little detour to

Greyhawk (1975)

Did you know that in the original game, the only classes were fighting man, magic-user, and cleric? That's right, the now classic thief would not be introduced until the first supplement! And with them came for the first time actual named skills.

Thieves could open locks, remove traps, listen for noise, move silently, pick pockets, and hide in shadows. Additionally they could read languages, treasure maps, and even magical scrolls at higher levels.

Now, these skills are only for thieves, so what are other characters to do? Well for most of them, nothing. It simply is not a fighter's job to pick pockets, or a cleric's job to open a lock. Certainly an item can be forcefully taken from an NPC, and a door bashed open, so they are not completely helpless in these tasks. But the thief simply excels at doing such things with superior ability and grace. And of course any character can hear noises behind doors, thieves are simply better at it. Moving silently and hiding are two slightly odd skills, as they overlap with surprise rolls but don't interact with them. It can be assumed that a thief moving silently can scout ahead and report back without actually encountering the monsters they find, and a hiding thief can let wandering monsters pass by even when there isn't sufficient cover (as only shadows are needed, other characters can obviously still hide behind cover if they are aware of the need to do so). Other characters can also climb using ropes and other tools, but won't be able to climb sheer surfaces unaided like thieves can, so again the thief can simply do something general in a superior manner.

There are many classes with their own skills to be found in various magazines, but I'm not going to dig through them. So let the totality of original D&D skills be the above.

Next time: we get Advanced

[infinitepunches]

Monolith's Wonder Woman game has been cancelled.

I’ll tell you why this is a terrible tragedy.

It would have been an open world single-player game set on Themyscira.

It would have involved Diana returning to Paradise Island to protect her home from an attack from an army of monsters. This would have created an interesting dynamic between Diana and her sisters, as she is now assumedly a member of the Justice League and very familiar with the world of men. Perhaps they would doubt her loyalty at first after her time away from home.

You would have been able to recruit other Amazons to fight alongside you in battle, Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood style. The concept art shows one of Diana’s allies using futuristic armor and weapons. It’s unclear whether or not these are other Amazons who have returned from the outside world or mortal women coming to the aid of the Amazons.

You would have fought manticores, orcs, Minotaurs, and various other creatures all being controlled by the evil goddess Circe. Concept art also shows Cheetah allying with Circe.

We would have likely learned about Circe’s history with Hippolyta and the Amazons and why she would want to destroy their paradise. After coming more into the public eye in Creature Commandos, this game could have shown the scale of threat that Circe represents as she conquers a nation of superpowered immortals.

This game would have been made by Monolith, a company I’ve loved since they made Tron 2.0 in 2004. They are most famous for making the Lord of the Rings game Shadow of Mordor and its sequel Shadow of War, which in in my top 3 games of all time. These games have beautiful open world maps that give us a bit of an idea of what Themyscira may have looked like. One of the coolest things I’ve ever done in any video game is to tame a dragon and ride it around an open world Middle-Earth.

The most unique thing about Shadow of War is the Nemesis system. Every villain you encounter is procedurally generated with unique aesthetics and abilities and immunities. Any time a villain defeats you, he gets a name, he grows more powerful, and he moves up in the ranks of the hierarchy of the enemy’s forces.

Killing enemies merely opens up their spot for another enemy to fill. But defeating them nonlethally and forcing them to pledge loyalty to you allows you to take control of all the forces under their command. The Wonder Woman game would have implemented the Nemesis system for Circe’s army.

Citadel strongholds are where the most powerful enemies fortify themselves. With the former enemy commanders and armies under your control, you lead assaults and take over these citadels, assigning one of your own commanders to be its new leader.

The combat system of Shadow of War is somewhat similar to Arkham Knight. Fast-paced and combo focused. Taming creatures also adds a fun layer to fighting large groups of enemies. It has my favorite sword combat in any video game and it would have been interesting to see how they would have incorporated the Lasso of Hestia into the gameplay.

We would have likely seen skins and customization for Diana.

Ferdinand the Minotaur could have been your first new ally to abandon Circe.

Kangas could have been a tamable creature type you could ride around the open world.

The Invisible Jet could have been used for fast travel.

We could have gotten some great exposure for some of the lesser known characters in the Wonder Woman mythos.

Rocksteady killed Wonder Woman unceremoniously in their suicide squad game. (And then said every other character who died was just a clone.) The failure of that game and the $200 million profit loss that it caused is the primary reason why Warner Brothers decided to kill Monolith Productions, a company that has been producing games since 1997.

Meanwhile, Rocksteady gets to make a Batman Beyond game.

This is one of the most regrettable missteps in gaming history.

[atrologynuances]

astrology observations pt 3

these are based on personal observations as well as acquired knowledge from books, websites, and other observation posts.

(some of these are brutally honest and some are very very general)

all signs included!!

⚜️ aries mercury are the type of people whose intelligence you don’t hear because their voice is too loud. oftentimes they’re described as hardheaded or bold when in reality they’re the reality check not everyone is ready to cash out. they’re also fairly messy, too many thoughts with no clear direction.

⚜️ aries men make for irresponsible fathers. the ones that are present but in reality they aren’t.

⚜️ libra placements can be very charming! however, this charm can become obnoxious and overstimulating very fast.

⚜️ I never hear anyone talk about how beautiful the eyes of scorpio risings are!! not only captivating and mysterious but they look like they hold the weight of the world in them and with that comes the secrets of manipulating you without you ever finding out. like an online library with an organized database and when they look for your name there, they know all your secrets.

⚜️ talking about scorpio risings, do any of you have weird experiences while you sleep? sleepwalking, sleep talking, people being scared of you when you’re sleeping?

⚜️ natives with north node in the 4th might have more conflicts at home when they find a full time job. it is hard to find a balance between the home and work life. this is more prominent if the north node is aspecting a malefic planet.

⚜️ a specific placement that will love their pet like a mother loves their baby is moon in the 6th!

⚜️ natives with pluto in the 10th house have to change jobs often because their coworkers subconsciously feel these people are overqualified for the job and envy them or envy how fast they were able to get promoted so they start hating on them. this creates a tense energy within the workplace making the pluto native to just quit the job and move onto the next. I find that there is nothing a pluto in the 10th house can’t master.

⚜️ natives with chiron in the 11th house attract friends with the same sun sign chiron is sitting on. this might be true with other chiron placements but it is especially true with chiron in the 11th. the sun sign person will bring challenges and leave the chiron native in the cold. the sun person also tends to belittle the chiron person a lot, thinking they are better than them.

⚜️ most taurus women have long torsos and short legs. I find that they’re also more prone to getting plastic surgery or cosmetic procedures. also, they have a very standardized beauty, like they don’t have a specific feature that sticks out, their face just blends together very prettily to the eye. i’ve also noticed they like gold or gold colored jewelry.

⚜️ gemini risings have gapped teeth. they also tend to have a bigger head than the rest of their body and be on the skinnier side. one thing i’ve noticed is that their energy feels light and familiar but also unknown. like a new friend whose vibes you like but you don’t really know much about them.

⚜️ unevolved gemini moons have a need to be liked by people; they want to feel and be included. in general, when you hear about them from other people they sound mean and intimidating, but when you get to know them they’re actually pretty cool to talk to. they also make for great listeners, and will have you saying things you wouldn’t have confessed to other people as easily or fast lol.

⚜️ sagittarius mercuries are story tellers! what I love about them is they know how to identify the interesting points with the ones that aren’t so their story is always fun to listen to. the thing with them is they’ll tell you the same story multiple times lol.

⚜️ I have personally noticed that cancer mars MEN are more likely to commit domestic violence. this is a very broad accusation I know. it is just an observation i’ve made with celebrities and men with this placement around me. they tend to act out on their current emotions. on the other hand, cancer mars women are veryyyy passive aggressive lol.

⚜️ venus in leo always attract people that get them better jobs, better deals on something or an upgrade of some sort lol. or they tend to be in good terms with a superior which later helps them get promoted.

⚜️ virgo mars are hard workers!!! I love love love this mars sign. they can come off as know it alls sometimes but sometimes they do know it all lol. a lot of actual life experience. they’re the ones you should call if you’re looking for a job, because they always know of a place that is hiring lol. if you ever need something done efficiently, call a virgo mars! not only are they willing to do it, keep if between you two, but they also do it well! three for one deal.

⚜️ a lot of capricorns make bad friends. they’re not the type to embarrass you in front of people type of bad friend, I find that brings embarrassment to them as well and they can’t have that. they are the type to belittle you throughout the friendship to check off their competition list though lol.

⚜️ aquariuses fall in love with their friends a lot! even when they are in a relationship, they still fall in love with other people. they’re very individualistic and if they think being with someone else will bring them happiness they will pursue that without caring about their current situation. that’s why they’re more prone to “sleep around” lol.

⚜️ pisces risings daydream a lot, sometimes they’re ashamed of how far they go when daydreaming. also, pisces risings might look like they’re on cloud nine, but nine times out of ten, they read the room before stepping a foot in it. i’ve also noticed that sometimes they act gullible just to see how others react to it. like you think you’re manipulating them but they’re the ones manipulating you by letting you think they’re actually getting manipulated lol.

guide

[lovely-hani]

hi, hi!! so...i have this idea for a (gender neutral) non-mc x sylus fic!

—

basically, you're a third year surgical resident at akso hospital, who has been pining over dr. zayne li for years. he had been your classmate in medical school for a brief period of time before he graduated early, and while he respects you as a co-worker, he has never seen you as anything more than a friend. you also notice how he speaks with a certain deepspace hunter whenever she visits the hospital. his longing glances, his gentle touches, his patient voice: you were very familiar with what a man looked like when he was in love. and so, you love him from afar.

one late night, however, zayne and ms. hunter stop you right before you leave the hospital. they explain that one of ms. hunter's "friends" had been critically injured and needed surgery. the "friend" in question was slung between the two of them, extremely bruised and bloodied, and though zayne seemed extremely distrustful toward the white-haired man, you know that he would always follow ms. hunter's requests.

they also explain why they need your help specifically:

the man is a wanted criminal, and they know that you could be trusted with a covert surgery.

he had been injured in the back of his head, and even though you have yet to finish your general surgical residency, you have more knowledge about this kind of procedure than zayne. (you were planning to specialize in neurosurgery, after all.)

so, instead of going home to watch another episode of your favorite k-drama, you were stuck at the hospital at three am, half-assing an illegal surgery for the man you love and the woman that he loves.

you volunteer to house the man in your apartment, and he eventually introduces himself to you after sleeping for nearly a day. before he leaves, sylus—who you learn to be the leader of onychinus—strikes a deal with you. he needs your help to convince ms. hunter to resonate with him, and in exchange, perhaps dr. zayne li would have a bit more free time on his hands. you initially reject his offer, but sylus explains that he would also pay for your medical school tuition.

so, cue you and sylus attempting to woo ms. hunter and both your feelings and his feelings becoming messier and messier.

—

anyways, if u guys want to read this, pls lmk if u want to be tagged, hehe! also, i need help figuring out what name to give ms. hunter because it might be pretty awkward trying to call her several nicknames for the entire fic series.

another note: it will be slightly canon divergent because sylus does not entirely remember his past life with mc.

as for a title...i am currently thinking about naming this series "to be your first choice" :) i think that this title gives a little bit of a hint as to what the overarching theme of this fic will be, hehe.

[justabeewithapen]

Right, I m going to go insane loredump about something but I need to say if you haven't read THIS post by @was-that-a-pun you're going to want to read it first, then come back to what I am doing.

Done that? Great! Venture under the read more at your own peril.

Right, so just re-summarizing what pun said, this is basically an AU where the toy experiments are not just underground work mules, but a genuine attempt to help children who are suffering from incurable ailments. This is where I expand even further. Elliot Ludwig, while deeply invested in the creation of toys, also had his fortune invested into the medical advancement.

This is because his daughter Poppy, who they named their popular Poppy dolls after, was diagnosed with a type of heart cancer that was rapidly growing as her quality of life steadily increased. Studies on reviving dead rats using a mixture of poppy flowers and several other ingredients had been very successful, but generally the rat would die again shortly after due to underlying issues in the body itself. This was when Dr. Harley Sawyer, head of the team, suggested they attempt to move the now functional organs to a different body. Before they even had a chance to begin tests Poppy began deteriorating to a degree where she wasn't going to make it, and so they started with her.

She was an unprecedented success, and an un-replicable one. Almost immediately Playtime Co. had both staff members with ill children and ill staff members offer themselves up to test, after of course more testing had been done with animals to ensure it wasn't a total fluke, and quickly everyone realized this was actually possible. Playtime Co. medical division was given government funding to continue to work on this research (all children and adults who are tested have volunteered for this) and they quickly established a hierarchy of what works best and what doesn't.

Initial tests with shells called Miss and Mister Delights (named after Amelia Delight who is an employee at Playtime Co. and due to chronic strokes offered herself up for testing) determined that the more human like a shell is, the harder the transfer procedure is. Of the 15 attempted, only 5 survive currently, though 7 in total were successful. (Two ended up passing away shortly after due to organ failure). All were adult volunteers from both factory workers and outside.

Each of them suffers from rather severe mobility issues and health conditions, requiring them to live on the property. This was when Playcare was established and some proper work could be done!

Playcare was a lot like a care center combined with a hospital. Patients that are currently waiting to be operated on, alongside patients still recovering from operation all live there (and their parents if they so choose). Set up with several common areas, specialized outdoor areas (see the big dome in the back) so toys and patients can get out while still being supervised, and many more, it is meant to be a home away from home for these kids! The whole place is run by Stella Greyber, with Dr. White as the head Physician. Dr. Sawyer, while he mainly works in the labs does frequently visit to advise and monitor progress. Speaking of Dr. Sawyer, you’ll notice here he is in fact a robot still! This is because Dr. Sawyer began developing his own health conditions while working on the project, and as such began to work on their most experimental body by far in case things got too far. After a severe stroke that lead to even more severe brain hemorrhaging, Harley was forced to be transferred into his robotic body.

While very functional he suffers from a lot of phantom pains, and has a very difficult time eating and drinking. However he is a very stubborn man and he is actively improving his body as he lives in it. Unlike canon he is not a sadistic monster, but he is still totally a drama queen. He is very uptight and super invested in his work, coming across as a total hardaft douche at first glance. He really just doesn’t know how to talk to people, especially children, and tries to avoid them if possible. While he mainly exists in one robotic body he is capable of of plugging himself into the lab’s mainframe system and existing like he does in game, but it is very labor intensive and causes migraines. Dr. Sawyer is constantly trying to push for improvements, his goal would be to one day be able to make little robotic or plastic replicas of the children’s bodies that are actually capable of housing the kids AND growth, allowing an almost normal life. It is a long ways away but he is determined to get there.

Jumping back to the toys! After much study and testing they have figured out roughly which toys are most effective and provide the safest procedures, and which toys are more risky! Of all the toys the easiest and safest procedure would be critter toys. For some reason they have the highest success rate of every other toy type. The biggest downside though would be the quality of life post the procedure.

Critters are very small obviously, they have done bigger ones (different from the bigger body critters, think large Baba Chops) but often the critter bodies can be very unbalanced. While updates to the critter designs have allowed for flexible mouths and fingers they still require a lot of help in everyday tasks such as eating and bathing themselves. Despite that, with a proper care guide (and time spent in Playcare with their parents being properly advised) they can generally return home even if going to school and work on their own would be difficult to impossible.

Mini Wuggies, plastic shelled toys, and long legs all have their own pros and cons that are discussed out with parents and their children before anything is done. They all have a very similar success rate though!

After that would be the bigger bodies (quad toys are generally avoided unless the child and parents are both fully informed of how that can impact quality of life, but some kids really really want to be a specific toy and Playtime tries to honor that when possible. Anyway, Bigger bodies have the lowest success rate, the most diversity, and generally the highest quality of life in terms of what they are capable of.

You’ll notice every kid has a tag around their neck or name tag, alongside a bracelet around their wrist! This helps identify them to doctors who work in playcare (all bigger body toys live at playcare as of now but work is being done to have them and their families return home permanently) that way the doctors know what health conditions they have and what room they need to be in. This is probably one of the few times you’ll see me draw the dough boys, and where I differ from Pun! I think Jack WAS still an accident, but the three of them went through the dough procedure separately. However it was quickly determined that dough was not stable enough to use as all three of them have difficulty keeping their forms solid for very long, and struggle with a lot of memory issues. The trio just ended up becoming fast friends being some of Playcare’s permanent residents. They can combine into Doey, though it is hard (really really hard) and they can’t hold the form for long, but that is just a side effect of how unstable they are. Susan and George live at Playcare alongside Kevin’s mom. Matthew’s parents don’t live in Playcare but do visit frequently.

Memory issues are common in bigger bodies, Kissy has them pretty badly and has to have an escort as she will end up in rooms and not remember how to get back fully. Like Pun said Poppy is somewhat a celebrity inside Playcare and she gets a lot of attention from other toys (which she doesn’t like) but she does like hanging out with Kissy!!

Many of the Delights (even those who didn’t previously work at the factory) have taken up jobs at Playcare, helping toys adapt to their bodies alongside the doctors and educators they have on staff! While not focused on it, Playcare does still have some involvement with local orphanages, trips to and from Playcare and the factory are common for both sides to make!! Playtime Co. is making a concerted effort to normalize the existence of living toys while they try and perfect a more humanoid body for the kids, trying to ensure as normal a life as they can for these kids!!!

Think that’s all I have besides a bunch of random interactions and character details I have in my head haha. This was very much a one off post bc I used to do roleplays with like “mutant/super power kids living in an isolated school/hospital/lab and living their lives” all the time growing up XD it is a concept I am very fond of, and was happy to ramble about a bit!!!

[httpuckdrop]

ashes – day 5

series masterlist

it really was a coincidence that you already had his number saved in your phone when he texted you.

jack: hey

one of your best friends, jenny, had another friend who came along with you all that night. she was a loud woman with blonde curls called anna and she was, you had now learned, engaged to a hockey player in the local nhl team. you'd never cared much for sports in general, and especially not hockey. anna was quick to catch up on that fact the morning after you met jack, when you were supposed to go out for brunch with jenny and anna happened to tag along.

the boy you were chatting to last night, jack, she had started, sipping her orange juice before continuing. you did get his name, right? he's a good friend of my fiancé, a great player too.

you had thought and hoped that she would be able to read from your uninterested expression that you wished for the conversation to end as soon as it started. however, she had not been the quickest to pick up on your hints.

i've never seen jack look at someone like that before, you should totally hit him up! he's single, you know.

you'd sure hope so, considering the things you were up to in his apartment.

you had told anna that you didn't want anything to do with him, but she had insisted; at least save his number, you never know!

jenny had agreed, going off for a moment about your (empty) love life and how you haven't really looked happy since you broke up with that boyfriend over a year ago. the whole conversation had made you nauseous, and you had eventually agreed to add his number to your contacts just to shut them up.

since then, you'd forgotten about it, until the moment he texted you. you spent about fifteen minutes trying to figure out some kind of response – what even do you say to "hey"?

you: how did you get my number? lol

you felt a little guilty right after sending it, the tone maybe a little harsh; you usually greeted people back when they texted you. but maybe it was for the best. you didn't want him to get any false hopes.

your phone pinged again just a minute later.

jack: from anna! she said you two talked abt me, that i should hit you up

jack: well, i WANTED to hit you up also. :)

it kind of scared you how quick your heart was to flutter in your chest. this was not supposed to happen. before you could even answer, yet another message appeared in the chat.

jack: you free for dinner tonight?

a man not afraid of a triple text should've excited you. instead you shook your head and typed a quick response.

you: dinner?...

jack: i want to take you out for dinner, is that okay?

you shouldn't even have considered it. you never before even considered meeting a one-night-stand again, especially not for dinner. maybe it was because the other part was never interested in it, maybe it was because you thought it was against all and any code of conduct. either way, it was just easier like that.

so why did your fingers suddenly live a life of their own? why was there a message from you saying yes to his request when you looked back down at your phone again?

he surprised you that night. you knew from the first time you met that he was a good listener – though, you had assumed it was just because he was trying to woo you enough to go home with him – but he was a great talker, too. not in the sense that he talked a lot, but in the sense that whenever he did talk, you found yourself realizing he was more complicated than you initially thought. he wasn't just trying to win you over; he was trying to let you see him, piece by piece, each one carefully chosen.

you didn't know what the procedures or rules were when it came to this kind of meeting. was it a date? was it just a pre-hookup meal? was it something more? nonetheless, you weren't surprised that the dinner ended with you following him home to his apartment.

he wasn't just good at listening and talking, but at making you feel good, too. you knew you were already walking on the fine line between a regular hookup and something else – not that you were sure what the other thing would be. friends with benefits (could you even be friends with benefits if you weren't friends to start with?), fuck buddies (is there even such a thing these days?), or something completely different?

curled up into his side with a duvet lazily thrown across your stomach, you distracted yourself from your many thoughts by drawing shapes into his chest. little stars, quirky stick figures, ugly cats. "something on your mind?" he asked, a chuckle rumbling beneath his chest at the sight of you cuddling closer to him.

"this... hockey thing," you started, gazing up at him for the first time in a long while. "you're pretty good, aren't you?"

there was a shrug of his shoulder, though his expression stayed plain. "i guess so."

"you have your own wikipedia page. and you were some kind of first pick, whatever that means." this, however, forced his lips into a grin. "that's not just pretty good. that's amazing."

"i guess so."

he yelped at the feeling of your hand slapping his chest, a groan slipping past his lips. "why didn't you tell me? when we first met?"

"you didn't seem like you cared," he said honestly, and you pushed yourself up a little on the bed to look at him better. "so i didn't think it was necessary. besides, it's a job like any other."

"i told you all about my studies, and you just said that you work with hockey!" you exclaimed, fingers forming quotation marks in the air. "that's hardly fair, and it's not a common job!"

"i was wearing a team cap! i assumed that if you knew, you'd say something!"

you merely shook your head, pausing for a few moments to just stare at him. "i'll forgive you for now," you say, puckering your lips. "for the low price of five kisses."

"taken."

the thing that surprised you the most was how much you enjoyed spending time with him, how easy it felt. he was handsome and had a sweet smile and he was a great lover, sure, but you still hadn't expected to have this good of a time with him. it was almost enough to make you spend the night.

almost.

[rekino2114]

Death devil x male reader scenarios

A/n:this is a collection of some small scenarios I had in mind for death that weren't long enough for a full fic some I had in mind ever since she was still fami. Genuinely the more I write for death the more I love her

Disclaimer for this one: I don't know Japanese, and I am probably very wrong, so blame Google translate. Also, don't question the logic of this cause they're supposed to be speaking Japanese so it really doesn't make sense

"We need to find you a human name"

Your girlfriend put down the food she was eating and looked at you with those piercing pink eyes of hers

"Why?"

"I can't just go around saying that my girlfriend is called death"

"I've heard humans with weirded names"

"I.....can't deny that, but don't you think people are gonna get suspicious if they know your name?"

"And why should that matter? If someone starts bothering me I can just scare them until they give up and if they're really persistent I'll just deal with them"

"But you don't have any paperwork and you need to find a human name for those"

"And what would I need paperwork for? Boring human procedures don't interest me"

"To get married for example, you can take my last name but for that you need a human first name and that can't be death"

Death looked lost in thought for a while before resuming to speak in her usual emotionless tone

"......so I can't get married to you unless I get a human name?"

"I guess-"

"Alright then, I'll come up with one'

".....o-oh ok, I didn't think it would be this easy"

"Please I'd do much more to continue being with you"

"Alright, so you got any ideas? oh, and the name can't be fami. I'll admit calling yourself fami when you actually weren't famine was a genuis move, but you need to find another one"

"I wasn't going to use that anyway"

"Then what is it going to be?"

"I.........do not know"

"Really?"

"Sorry, I am not fully familiar with human names, also it's weird to think about changing your name......well I suppose I already did that once but still"

"Oh yeah I get it let me think"

She nodded and resumed eating while you sat opposite to her with your hand on your chin thinking hard about the name for some minutes, until you had an idea

"How about shin?"

"Hm?"

"Doesn't shi mean death? And shin is an actual name right? So it still works do you like it?"

She looked at you even more enigmatically before nodding softly

"Shin......I like it"

"Oh really?"

"Yes its nice"

"OK alright then shin it is"

"Alright........but still call me death in private"

"O-oh of course"

You deadpanned at the sight of your girlfriend dumping in the entire box of cereal she had in the much smaller bowl causing a mountain of small chocolate flavored circles to stand inside and on top of the bowl but it was way too early to deal with her weird tendencies plus you had gotten used to them

"Worthless"

That caught your attention as you took another sip of your hot drink and looked up at death yeeting the box at the wall and starting to eat the cereals spoonful after generous spoonful

"I suppose the cereals are good at least"

"What's wrong?"

"Hm?"

"You looked disappointed when you opened the box"

"Oh yes, I was looking for the toy"

"...........what?"

Death picked up another box of the same brand of cereals and turned it around to reveal the back showing an announcement in bold brightly colored letters that advertised an action figure of a cartoony mascot hidden in some boxes of the cereal

"However when I opened the box the cute toy was nowhere to be found. I will have whoever is responsible for this decapitated"

You were like......65% sure she was joking, but it's always hard to tell with death's lack of expression or any emotion, so you didn't want to take the risk

"C-calm down, it says it's only in some boxes looks like you just got unlucky"

"Oh......I suppose it's true, but it's still disappointing"

"Why are you interested in that toy anyway? I didn't take you as the type to like stuff like that anyway"

"It's cute plus I like his attitude"

".....what do you mean his attitude?"

"His determination to do anything to get the cereal is inspiring, even if all of his plans always end in failure he never lets go of his objective and relentlessly pursues it. It's inspiring really, a representation of humanity's relentless spirit and determination that I admire"

".........death did you......watch the ads for this cereal?"

"Yes, once they came on the tv and I got interested so I watched all of them"

".............you got actually invested.....in cereal ads?"

"Yes, it's one of the better human shows I watched"

You blinked twice genuinely wondering if the woman in front of you actually was the strongest devil in the entire world who was literally this close to ending the entirety of humankind before she met you, but just sighed again and decided to start your own breakfast

You dropped some of the same cereal in your bowl now, understanding why death had been so insistent on buying that specific brand the last time you went grocery shopping but stood shocked when you saw a small plastic toy coming out of the box and resting on the cereals in the bowl

"..............."

You looked up and saw exactly what you expected death staring right at the action figures, once again you sighed and handed her the toy

"Here take it"

"..........really?"

"Yeah of course, it's not like I like it that much anyway"

She quickly grabbed it and started playing with it, twisting its arms and moving it around the table, it was actually kind of adorable to watch. After a few more seconds of playing, she put the toy in front of her chest and hugged it protectively

"Thank you so much, I will treasure your gift with my life, just like you"

".........i-it's nothing"

The next two ideas were given to me by: @michaelaftonhasjoinedthechat thanks

"I'VE GOT IT!"

You put the plate aggressively above the table making sure bot to break it, death moved her pink glowing gaze between your exhausted form while you were trying to catch your breath and the food in front of her

"More food for me? Thank you, you're really been spoiling me with meals lately, is there something special going on?"

You continued breathing heavily, taking a drink of your energy drink before speaking almost yelling in between breaths

"I've spent *breath* these past two weeks *breath* making the perfect dish for you"

"...?"

You took a deep breath and calmed down, wiping sweat from your forehead and now being able to talk in full sentences

"You know how I've been taking cooking classes?"

Death nodded

"And how I've been feeding you food for these past days and asking what you thought of it?"

Another nod

"Well now I have done it! I have made the perfect dish according to your tastes, I took everything you told me you liked and made you the most perfect food possible"

"......I see, can I try it?"

"Obviously, if you couldn't then why would I have done it in the first place?"

Death was taken aback by your unusually aggressive tone

"Oh....You're right I apologize"

You sighed and took another sip of your energy drink

"No it's fine I'm sorry....I'm just.....it took me way too long to make this and now I'm sleep deprived, I'm not complaining mind you, I'm doing this because I love you it was just.... tiring, I hope you like it at least"

"I don't have a shadow of a doubt I will as they say"

Death grabbed the utensil and took a bite out of the dish you made and.....she gasped and her eyes widened it was genuinely the most surprise you had seen out of her in a long while

"So.....what do you think"

After she finished swallowed death started drooling, looking at the food. She ignored your question ans started scarfing down all of the food on her plate without thinking about etiquette or getting her clothes stained or anything else really

Once she finished eating in record time she placed the silverware down before grabbing a napkin you placed next to her, expecting this exact result

".......I.....assume you liked it?"

She finished wiping her mouth and looked at you with her usual emotional stare

"It was the best thing I have ever tasted in my immortal existence"

You sighed in relief, took another energizing sip, and bowed, death, slightly misunderstanding the gesture, started clapping......stopping when she heard a thud and saw you collapsing out of pure exhaustion

".......oh"

Death got up and started carrying you bridal style to bed, you stirred and woke up seeing her staring at you

"....death?"

"Please don't overwork yourself"

"...o-oh yeah sorry"

"It's alright, I just don't want you to be exhausted like this, if cooking that delicious meal causes you to end up like this everytime then I'm more than willing to never eat it again"

"N-no, it's not that. It's my fault. Really, I just worked too hard trying to make it perfect"

"Well it was perfect so at least you reached your results......however"

She lowered her head to kiss your forehead

"I truly dislike seeing you in this state, so remember to take breaks alright? Not even the greatest food in the world is worth seeing my boyfriend like this"

"......thank you"

"By the way how old are you?"

"Hm?"

"Since you're the death devil and all I was curious, I mean i always assumed you were pretty old every since you told me you were a devil but isn't death supposed to be like the oldest fear every living being has in common?"

The devil stopped eating and looked up for a second before her gaze came back to you

"May I tell you a story? It's about how and when I was born"

"Sure"

You sat on the pillow in front of the table and locked eyes with her as she cleared her throat ready to start speaking

"An immeasurable amount of time ago the first being that considered itself alive realized something.....one day it would no longer be, it would cease to exist like the leaves in trees that didn't exist yet, be forgotten by being whose idea wasn't even born yet only existing as an idea a concept of the first life in the world and nothing else......once it had that realization it started living differently, it took the smallest precautions, started taking less risks, whatever those may have been been, all because of one simple idea, a law of nature that every single living thing, human, plant, devil, animal follows with incredibly few exceptions......everyone wants to live as long as possible and die at the latest possible opportunity, some even do not want to die at all despite how impossible that is.....and the first living being followed that rule as well.......even the progenitor of everything around us....was scared of death and once it realized its own mortality....."

Death finally breathed, having not taken a breath during the entirety of her speech. She raised her eyes now, looking at you again with a gaze that made you freeze for no real reason

".....that's when I was born"

You know death didn't mean it but her sheer presence made it hard to breathe you only relaxed slightly once she finished the story because she had resumed eating

".................."

"I don't exactly remember when that was but if I had to take a guess I'd say i'm......around 810 billion years old"

"................really?"

"Approximately so"

".......i guess I'm into older women then"

Warning:this one is pretty suggestive and is probably the result of the many dirty thoughts I had about her. And also my writing sucks even more than usual cause again I don't know how to write smut oneshots

It all started when death came over to you and started kissing your face for no apparent reason, sure it was weird that she did it so out of nowhere but death was such a good kisser that you certainly didn't complain to receive more

Then the kissing moved to your lips, and you two engaged in a heated make-out session for a while. You saw death's face go red, which was unusual considering how muted her skin tone usually was, she was the pale rider after all. But what caused you to become even more surprised is that she quickly started straddling your hips and breathing in your ears

"......y/n.....what I'm feeling right now.....it's the first time I've ever felt anything like it, it's something more than normal love"

You blushed even more. Her closeness made it so you could feel all of her curves pressing against you and her hot whispers made you feel just as turned on as she was

"...d-death"

"Please y/n I want to make you happy in any possible way, please let me make you feel good"

She planted a bite on your neck, however it didn't hurt at all it felt more like another one of her amazing kisses, she continued leaving hickeys across your neck until she reached your lips pulling you into another passionate kiss.

When she pulled back, she looked at you again and then, without warning, started to remove her shirt. You blushed even more at that and looked away for a second but death grabbed you by the chin and turned your head to stare at her face

"Y/n....don't be shy, look at me, at my body, do I......look beautiful?"

Your blush deepened, but you did as said and started scanning her torso. She really did look stunning

"You look more than bea-......WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"

Death blinked looked at herself and then you before having a realization

"Oh have you never seen a woman naked before y/n? It's alright there's nothing to be embarrassed-"

"NO I MEAN WHY IS THERE A GIANT GASH ACROSS YOUR BODY!?"

She looked down again and emitted a sound of understanding while you continued staring at the giant cut that was present from below her chest all the way to above her crotch

"Did I never tell you about this?"

".....n-no you didn't what the hell even is that?"

"Some time ago, before I met you, I tried to remove all of my organs from my body to see if I could die......as you can see i was unsuccessful"

"................"

"Do not worry though, I have put all of my organs back in their original place.....I'm fairly certain of that at least, I'm not completely familiar with human anatomy and the internet can be unreliable at times so I can't guarantee everything is where it should be.....not that it matters anyway"

".......s-so you're just ok with living with that forever?"

"Why not? It doesn't hurt.......or does that make me less attractive in your eyes?"

For some reason she sounded more worried about the possibility of looking less attractive to you than the gash actually hurting or being an inconvenience

".......no it's fine, to be honest I should have expected something like this when I started dating a devil, you still look beautiful with it it's just......gonna take a while to get used to"

"I understand, I'm sorry for not telling you earlier"

"It's alright just......whenever we go to the beach or the pool....please wear a one piece swimsuit"

"Alright........could we resume what we were doing earlier?"

"........yes"

And with that she kissed you again and placed her on top of you making you fall on the couch and starting to take off your shirt while you were still making out

You don't know exactly why you agreed to go with her, maybe cause you were hungry too or just wanted to stay with her but probably it was because you really did love her so much but no matter the reason you are not sure if it was worth standing in a McDonald's parking lot at 3:54 AM with little to no sleep

Death had woken you up and demanded a midnight snack, the problem was that you had planned to go grocery shopping the next day so your fridge was rigorously empty of any edible things so the solution was obvious, drive to the closest fast food and grab some pick up

You rested your head on the wheel as you turned around and saw death getting into the car with two bags of food in her hands, she gave you one and placed the other on her lap

"Thank you again, I really needed this"

"Yeah alright whatever"

"I promise I'll make it up to you"

You sighed and grabbed one of the burgers from the bag as death did the same

"It's really fine, I don't mind.....just next time let's do this during the day"

Death nodded and took a bite out of her burger. You were about to do the same until you noticed something in your burger, causing you to sigh

"......dammit"

"Hm? Whats wrong?"

"No it's nothing, I just don't like pickles but they're still in the burger"

"........what?"

You turned to see death looking at the burger with what you assumed was indignation

"I specifically asked that yours should have had no pickles.......and they still didn't listen"

"....i-it's fine really, I wasn't hungry anyway"

"....I'll fix the issue"

"Wha-"

Before you could finish your sentence, death wasn't in the passenger seat anymore, you don't know if she teleported or was so fast that you genuinely didn't see her but you quickly ran out too and entered the restaurant to see her arguing with the overworked underpaid teenage girl at the register

"I don't see anything wrong with the burger"

"There are pickles"

"And?"

"My boyfriend doesn't like them"

"So what am I supposed to do about his baby palate"

Death narrowed her eyes at his comment but tried her best to maintain her composure

"I need a new burger"

"I am not making another burger at 4:00 am cause you ordered wrong, you're lucky I even made you the first one, you know I shouldn't even be here, my stupid boss-"

"I could not care less, I need a new burger and you are going to make it"

"And the hell would I do that?"

"Because I ordered one without pickles and you still added them, You made a mistake so now fix it, isn't that common human decency?"

"Fuck off weirdo, I'm not making your stupid boyfriend another burger just because he can't handle a little bit of pickles"

In that moment you knew the poor girl was fucked, as soon as she finished her sentence death grabbed her by her uniform making her look up at her while she was glaring at the girl with her piercing eyes

"Apologize to y/n"

"W-wha-"

"I don't care if you called me weird or whatever, what I care about is you insulting my boyfriend because of his tastes, apologize and make him a new burger, do you understand?"

"...........i-i-"

"Do you understand?"

"I-i'm sorry"

Death let go of the girl's uniform as she started running to the back to make the food while you approve your girlfriend sweat dripping down your face

"And give us free fries"

"Y-yes ma'am"

"........did you seriously just scare to death a teenage girl cause she put pickles on my burger?"

"No......I did that because she disrespected you"

"...I.....I see"

"Don't worry I'll give her a tip later for the good service"