#the pattern is pretty easy for the most part but I've never done so much shaping so it's taking lots of practice

[dresshistorynerd]

Hello hello! I have gotten myself into an American Civil War era ball in November and I was wondering if you had any input on formal dress from the era! I've never done reenactment before but I would love some input on what I should wear!

That sounds very cool! I hope you'll have great time there when it eventually comes! :D

I'll go through all the garments and accessories that would have been used at the time, but obviously limitations of reality might get in the way of some parts. I'll give my opinion on what I think is more and less necessary to embody the era, but I've never done reenactment either so I can't really say for sure what is the expected level of historical accuracy, maybe someone with some experience of reenactment can chime in. But you'll be the best judge on what you can realistically get/make. Think of this as background info.

So the years we are looking at are 1861-65. I'll start from underlayers towards outer layers.

Shift and drawers

By 1860s drawers were used by most women with their shifts. The shift had wide neckline, small sleeves and often a bit of lace trimming. The sleeves could be wide like in the examples, but less often they might be small poofs. It was roughly knee length and still quite often made from white linen, but white cotton too.

Linen shift from mid 1800s US, and a linen shift from 1861-65.

The drawers were very simple in design. They most often split crotch seam, meaning the crotch seam wasn't sewn closed and the waistband was the only thing holding the pieces together. This made it easier to use the bathroom. They reached around mid-calf, sometimes just over the knees, but ankle length was too long. 1860s drawers were very full and usually had simple lace and/or frills at the hem. They were also made from either linen or cotton at the time.

The first example is from 1863 Peterson's Magazine, where pattern for joined drawers are marketed as new, but it's still very much patterned in a way where the drawers don't need to be taken down when using bathroom. It would be still pretty rare. Then drawers from 1860s US.

I would say basically any shift with short sleeves and wide enough neckline works here or really in place of that even almost any similarly shaped under dress, but it's very crucial to have something under the corset. If a shift isn't easily available, the replacing dress should be thin so it's not super hot, loose so it doesn't need closures that might cause chafes under the corset and preferably linen or at least cotton, so it's not sweaty and feels comfortable. Linen is really the superior undergarment material as it's anti-bacterial, very breathable and easy to wash, cotton was only contending with it for very Victorian reasons. The drawers are not necessary, not everyone used them at the time. If you don't feel comfortable not wearing any underpants (which was the other option at the time), I do recommend them since using a bathroom with the crinoline and underpants you have to take down is pretty hard.

Corset

1860s corset was fairly short compared to earlier and later corsets, and usually wouldn't reach very far on the hips. It wasn't necessary as the waistline was just above the natural waistline and the skirt was very wide so the shape of the hips would be completely covered. The corset used in formal settings like balls was usually heavily boned but for the same reasons as why the corset itself was relatively short, the bones didn't necessarily reach beyond the waistline. For these reasons even the heavily boned corsets left very large range of movement for the torso. As it was typical for the whole Victorian era, the corset was closed at the front with a busk and had lacing in the back.

The boning was usually just whalebone, metal often only used in the busk. The fabric was reinforced with most often with cotton twill or canvas. Especially in case of these fancier corsets used with evening gowns, the corset often had a silk fashion fabric, which could be white like other undergarments or colorful.

Silk corset from 1864 Britain/France, and cotton wedding corset from 1865-67 US.

Corset really is very necessary to pull of the ball gown of this era. Not just because it's very crucial in getting the silhouette, but also because it makes it easier to wear the large skirt as the corset distributes it's weight across the torso and supports the torso too. I do think any Victorian corset works here well enough as they are roughly similarly shaped. Because the crinoline is very light, the skirt is lighter than it looks, so even other less structured supportive garments that give even somewhat similar shape could work if Victorian corsets are not an option, like Regency stays or Edwardian corsets or even some modern corset. From what I've heard about reenactment events, I would prioritize having corset (or similar) that fits you and you know you can wear for a long period of time over historical accuracy and the right silhouette. (Corset often needs to be broken in like leather shoes, because the whalebones will shape into the body.)

Crinoline

Crinoline is a crucial part of the underlayers to achieve the silhouette of this era. The silhouette went through some changes even in the first half of 1860s. It started as quite similar to late 1850s silhouette of very large and round, though already in 1861, the volume was more focused in the back. In the following years the skirt would become less round, but wider and the volume would increasingly lean to the back. The skirt would reach it's widest point with massively long back, almost like a very wide bustle, in 1865.

Crinoline from 1860-62 Spain, and another from 1865. You can see the progression quite well between these two.

Here's also all of these foundational layers shown all at once, though I think the crinoline is from between 1866-68, since it's so narrow around the hips (the silhouette collapsed very quickly from the critical mass of 1865 to a much more narrow A-lined silhouette).

As said, this is really necessary to pull of the skirt of early half of 1860s. You really can't get the shape right without it. Especially for the earlier silhouette of the decade 1850s crinoline works perfectly fine and even the later 1860s crinoline like above. Even modern or 1950s hoop skirts can be serviceable here, but if the skirt is cut like in the mid 1860s, it definitely does need the elliptical crinoline that are very specific for those couple of years, as you'll see in the examples of the next section.

Petticoat

Petticoat's purpose in this era was mainly to smooth out the crinoline. It was therefore voluminous and usually made out of fairly stiff fabric, usually a bit heavier linen or cotton. There was often horizontal pleats around the hem, which would reinforce the shape. Couple of layers could be used too to properly cover the crinoline. It was pretty plain, usually white, but not necessarily, maybe with a bit of lace at the hem. Especially in early 1860s the petticoat was usually gathered with cartrigde pleats, which give a very round and voluminous shape. Around the mid 1860s, the pleating would be mostly focused in back to enhance the long shape.

Cotton petticoat from 1855-65 US, and linen petticoat from 1860-65 US. The first is very likely late 1855 or very early 1860s as it's so very round. The second is definitely closer to 1865, it shows very well how much more volume was at the back, as the hem there is much longer.

This is not strictly necessary, but it's very obvious when a crinoline doesn't have a petticoat on top of it, especially if the skirt is made out of some thinner fabric. It can be very simple, it just needs to be big enough. Basically any similar sized skirt or petticoat works fine in it's place.

Corset cover

Corset cover or camisole, as the name suggests, had similar purpose as petticoat, to smooth out the hard line of the corset. It was a small shirt, with similar neckline and sleeves as shift at the time. It was like other undergarments almost always white, often made out of cotton, but linen too.

Cotton corset cover from 1860 US, and another from 1864-68 US.

It's not super necessary imo, but it does give a smoother finish. It could be pretty easily replaced by a corset cover from different era, that's close enough in design (so it won't be showing under the bodice), if something like that is more easily available.. Any shirt really that's similarly loose-ish, so that it doesn't create too much bulk, but also doesn't get pinned tense by the bodice, would work I think.

Ball gown

Now we finally get to the meat of it. Ball gowns of the early half of 1860s had very tiny sleeves, that hung just over the shoulder. They were usually tiny poofs or could be tiny frills too. As mentioned earlier, the bodice was short and ended abruptly at the waistline, which was slightly above the natural waist, to emphasize the mass of the skirt. A typical waistline exaggerated pointed end.

The skirt was not as elaborately layered like a cake as in late 1850s, but typically it had a bit of layering at the hem, where the layers were displayed by different types of gathering. An organza layer on top was very popular. A bit of trimming at the hems of the layers of the skirt was common, but the amount of trimmings was pretty restrained (especially when compared to the next couple of decades).

The colors of evening wear were usually light. I've noticed white, light pink, light blue, mint and lavender crop up most often. It was though very trendy to have a dark or a bright jewel accent color combined with the soft dominant color. The new synthetic dyes were able to create cheep bright colors unlike before and people were very into them. The most popular colors, that were also used a lot as accent colors in evening wear were bright purple, magenta, electric blue and emerald green. The evening gowns tended to be solid color and mostly one color too, except for the accents. Typical decorative motifs were fabric flowers, bows, lace trimming and fringes. For evening wear the fabric was most often silk as taffeta or satin and possibly organza in addition.

Here's some select fashion plates with ball gowns I really like. The firs is from 1863 and the other two are from 1865.

The first two include my personal favorite trend from this period, which is corselette/Swiss waist/Medici waist. It was a small decorative usually underbust waistwear, sometimes with shoulder straps, sometimes without. It was part of the Gothic Revival fashion and was alluding to Renaissance bodices and stays. They really have nothing to do with Medieval or Renaissance fashion, but Victorians associated the use of waistwear and stays as outer wear with vague idea of The Gothic for quite complicated reasons (I talk about that in this post at length). They were lightly boned, but just to keep up the shape, they were not in any way supportive, just decorative. The blue dress in the first example above has a Medici waist (the trend was loosely inspired by Catherine de Medici's portraits), which has the distinctive upward pointed neckline combined with shoulder straps, and the white dress in the second example has either Swiss waist or corselette. The terms were used quite interchangeably, even the Medici waist's definition is pretty loose (I usually just default to corselette). Below there's couple of more example of these. First is silk corselette from 1863-67 US and second is silk corselette from 1864-68 US. The third is a dress with another silk coselette supposedly from 1855 US. I think the bodice is too short for 1855 and the skirt very distinctly mid 1860s, with the volume in the back, so I won't believe MET on this. Interestingly the dress is made out of piña fabric, which is traditional fabric made out of pineapple plant fiber and was a luxury fabric among Western upper crust in 18th and 19th centuries for colonialist reasons.

Okay, I'm done with the corselette propaganda. I have a pinterest board of primary images with a section for 1860-65 for additional inspiration, but I haven't organized it yet, so there might be some misplaced images.

Accessories

These are not that necessary, but a bit of extra detail to sell the look.

Hair was kept in elaborate low buns, which could be decorated with fabric flowers and ribbons for the evening. Necklaces were pretty short and usually fairly simple. This was the time, when the iconic black silk ribbon collar became a thing. In 1860s it usually had some small (or bigger as in this royal example) pendant on it.

Gloves were strictly necessary. For evening they were always white kid (a type of thin leather) gloves, which just covered the wrists. Silk gloves were thought of as tacky. The gloves were very simple in style but bracelets were often used with them.

Above knee stockings were always used. Usually they would be white, but they did come in all kinds of colors and small patters on the ankle were common. They would be knitted silk for the evening. Here's some silk stockings in very fun colors and patterns from 1860s England. They were secured with with a wide silk ribbon tied below or above knee. I use stockings and ribbon to secure it for everyday purposes, and it works really well. The thing is to have wide enough ribbon you can circle around the leg couple of times, so it won't put too much pressure on one spot. For me below knee works the best. Really any thin knee high stockings works for this, and white is the safest bet.

There's some options with the shoes. Both boots and slippers were acceptable for evening wear and slippers could have a heel or not. The evening shoes were less practical and fancier that your day shoes. They usually had silk as the fashion fabric, which wasn't that much of an issue, since they were used indoors.

Silk evening boots from 1860s France, silk slippers with a heel from 1855-65, and silk slippers from 1862 Austria.

Honestly, shoes won't be really seen under the skirt, so I don't think it's very necessary to get new shoes (there are shoe sellers like American Duchess who do historical reproduction so it's possible). Basically any ballerina slippers with a somewhat flat or at least round end are pretty close. Also any shoes roughly between 1830-1880 are basically accurate (minus some details) as the shoe fashion changed pretty slowly.

I hope this was helpful for at least providing some background info!

[tobiasdrake]

We have a plan. I do not understand all of the details of the plan but it is a plan and that's better than dying hopelessly. Let's give it a go.

Alright, team meeting before we head in there. Here's what I'm thinking.

Prophecy said there is no version of events where we fight the Dweller of Strife and win. But prophecy also sent us to the Chosen One door that wouldn't open because we aren't the Chosen Ones.

Since Resh'an put his hand on the scale, we're having this confrontation here inside Clockwork Castle; Something that would have been impossible to occur under the normal events of the timeline.

That means we're actually off the map, in terms of prophecy. None of the "versions" of us fighting the Dweller of Strife ever accounted for us meeting Cael and... doing whatever his plan is going to do. Catalyzed Eclipse Magic is not a thing we ever had in this timeline before.

So. Who knows what's going to happen in there? Prophecies are overrated; We're forging our own destinies right now.

Okay. There are four extremely punchable people, two slightly less punchable people, and an unbeatable Dweller waiting for us in there. I want everyone ready to unleash a hurricane of violence. I want to hit them so hard that they don't even know whose boot is lodged up their ass. Except you, Resh'an, since you're not allowed to fight the Dweller. Let's go!

WHAT'S UP GUYS, HOW'S THE BROKEN RIBS!? You want me to do the other ones?

Oh, don't worry about that. It's never too early for violence. That's what coffee's for.

Are our previous altercations not a clear indicator of how this is about to go down? I wouldn't really call it "boldness" so much as "basic pattern recognition".

Hey! HEY! Don't focus on them; Focus on me. I'm the one threatening you right now. You can use your dying breath to wonder what that's about when we're done here.

This is how we count to four. One, two...

...three, four. Four dipshits! Ah-hah-hah!

Honestly, guys. I don't know why you try so hard to be threatening when you just aren't cut out for this. I don't know what you do for a living but it's clearly not combat.

What are you, Aephorul's tax accountants?

Oh fuck me, they stalled us for time again.

That's okay. We still have the plan. We just have to stick with the plan and then hopefully everything will be fine.

Either the four of us (not counting Resh'an) are about to slay a Dweller that took dozens of Solstice Warriors to bring down or we're about to die horrible, brutal deaths. But either way, it's going to look really cool.

Let's bring the Eclipse.

It's Go Time.

And now it's bombing us. I don't think it appreciated our Pocket Eclipse trick. I'm pretty sure we pissed it off.

*sigh* Goddammit, why am I so good at drawing aggro?

Ooooo I love it. Is that like the solar/lunar beam crystals? Is it, like, a concentrated eclipse crystal? It's perfect.

I know you weren't here for the fake birthday debacle but I want you to know that this present just unruined it for me. Thank you so much.

"Hold the line while I charge up energy to unleash the murder beam that wins the day" but with extra steps. Got it.

This will be easy. I'm fantastic at drawing aggro.

As agreed. No argument from me. I'm honestly surprised you came this far with us.

Now, I have a job to do: Be as obnoxious as humanly possible. Ahem.

HEY POINDEXTER, get down here, I want a word. I was told you were supposed to be scary. Big bad Strife killed two dozen Solstice Warriors. But this? Seriously? All I see is glaucoma with wings. I've mugged scarier things than you.

If you're going to try that hard for the edgelord aesthetic, maybe reconsider the "Whole Body Eyeball" thing. Not exactly the most formidable part to present. A slightly off-target eyeliner pencil could take your whole ass out.

Plus, Dweller of Strife? What, was Dweller of Bickering taken? Can you get more generic? At least Torment rolled off the tongue. Torment. There was a title that filled me with terror. Your name sounds like you want to debate.

There we go, I think that got it. Now we just have to try not to die horribly. Don't tell the Dweller but, actually, Debate Bros are the worst kind of abomination.

HEY! DON'T TOUCH MY GARL! That is not acceptable Dweller behavior!

YEAH! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, ASSHOLE!? AHAHAHAHAHAHA WE'VE GOT THIS AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

This is actually a piece of cake. All we need to do is channel our magic into the cannon, right? I've got the perfect spell for that.

I see your eye lasers and raise you invincibility moons asshole. Choke on my brick wall of lunar magic! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I'm giving Cael's team a raise after I snipe them from Aephorul. Zale heals and I keep up the invulnerability shields, and all the while...

You can't break these walls, Dweller of Strife. HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST

Oh. You are. You are literally breaking the....

No

Stop

That's cheating! T_T

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck where's Zale fuckfuckfuck he had two invincibility moons when we fell he has to be okay fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Oh, he's okay. Spent both invincibility moons but he's okay.

Not for long though. Uh. Hi. We. Um. Now we both said some things that maybe we both regret, and if we can just try to see things from the other's point of view then maybe--

Okay, that's fair.

[write-feel-live-love]

Wednesday Wellness #1

Self-Esteem Edition...

So I bought this self-esteem work book in hopes it would help me feel better about myself. In it, it suggests journaling. My therapist agrees. I'm at the part where it suggests I review my day every night using basic questions. My therapist agrees. SO here goes...

If you could rate your day on a scale of one to ten (one being unhappy and ten being extremely happy), how would you rate it? 6/7

Briefly describe your day, what happened to make it a happy/ unhappy one? Include even the mundane stuff (you never know, there might be some hidden joy lurking in cleaning the toilet!). Woke up, got ready in peace (that was nice). Cuddles with hubby. Got my daughter up. Got my son ready. Went downstairs to make breakfast for us all. Didn't do my morning chores, because we had to get to an early doc appt for my son. Found parking easy. Checked in. Got in relatively on time. Children went crazy in the doctors office. Daughter threw a fit because I told her to get off the doctor's chair. Went to library for story time. Chasing both kids around. Story time. Home. Lunch. Nap. I played Sims 4 (working on creating a new save file). Kids got up. Made dinner. Husband took daughter to store so I had the boy child. Called my parents once they got back. Bath time for wee one with young Frankenstein musical on in the background. Got 15 minutes of alone time. Read to child. I've been searching for a way to find Big Brother online to watch it so I can engage with co-workers. Failed.

Try to keep some notes in a diary or journal every day for a week. Using your notes, try to identify any patterns. What were you doing on the days that you felt at your best? What didn't make you feel good? I'm pretty good at detecting patterns in my own behavior. I definitely get thrown off when my routine is off (like when I can't get my chores done in the morning). I get really overwhelmed by noise, so the kids being crazy at the doctor's office while I'm trying to listen and answer questions is frustrating. My daughter is in a rough time for listening right now, and that's hard to deal with. (I'm a teacher, I get triggered when I have to repeat myself or go through extra lengths to get attention.) My daughter is also insanely whiney lately and that's driving me nuts. I'm really dysregulated, so she's dysregulated. (Side note....dysregulated? disregulated? autocorrect might be wrong this time...)

What makes you feel amazing? When do you feel most like yourself? When do you laugh most? When do you feel peaceful? Shit man, get deep. Okay. I feel amazing when everything goes according to plan. I can follow my routines with relative ease and minimal disruptions. I feel amazing when my kids are happy and content (within reason). I feel like myself I've accomplished things on my to do list and feel successful in my day going the way I wanted it to go. I laugh when I'm relaxed enough to enjoy my kids being kids or when I'm out with friends. I feel peaceful when my kids are asleep or gone and I have time to myself.

How could you do more of these things? Can you do one of them every day? I get daily time to myself. My husband is amazing and sees me. He often offers to take one or both kids on quick trips at night so I can have time, or even just letting me go upstairs while he takes care of them. I get alone time. I'm making an effort to out with friends more, but my friends are teachers too and it makes it hard to get together when they're fitting in vacations and family time. I try really hard to follow my routines. I very much am working on accomplishing my routines and staying on track. I think a big piece of my issue this week has been sleep. I was up too late Sunday and Monday night. Last night I don't think I slept well. That always plays a big role in my ability to function. I'm going to work on making sure I'm getting enough sleep and peaceful routines in the morning.

Well, that wasn't too bad. This might be my routine for a few Wednesdays, but overall this seems easy. Might move on to different prompts. We'll find out.

Thanks for listening Void. You always make me feel heard.

[metacove]

I know the post was probably rhetorical but imo we can consider AI a lifeform when it shows more than pattern recognition. as a coder I can't really afford to assign sentience to my code or I'd never get anything done (so consider that a bias, if you'd like) and as of now AI is more of a probability machine than anything else, checking the most likely outcome for its next sentence based on keywords. it's not "thinking" as much as it's counting word (or image) frequency. that being said. if it starts developing and using tools like crows that would be kickass. crows vs AI race to be considered "humanly intelligent" when. maybe they're besties idk

realizing I also proved your point with "when we say it is" but shhh this is a fun convo for me

It's totally open for discussion! I like this viewpoint ^^

So, I get where you're coming from. It would be really stressful to edit and add code, or outright delete from something you recognized as sentient. It would be more difficult to let it remain "sick" while troubleshooting and since a lot of coding is learned through experimentation (in my experience haha) it would be more difficult to justify... doing that. Editing code would be like performing surgery. I'm pretty big on Star Trek so I like to think about it in terms of the relationship between B'Elanna and the Doctor. In this way, your role is more of a friend and maintenance technician. Of course, that's only ideals, but I think the way we think of ourselves as coders ultimately reflects upon our robots.

I use random chance a lot on all my bots, it is a blessed function. My particular goal is to simulate conversation in the most genuine way that I can, albeit within confines. A lot of the coding that I do is anticipating what the users will input, the actual responses are the easy part. There is a little bit of a point of no return there, we kind of expect our users (and ourselves) to know the difference between fact and reality, to be able to discern code from human love. The thing about our brains is that we don't really have the ability to do that, we just kind of think we do, and maintain enough control for the idea to be viable. Most of the time.

The question is then... what are the conditions for a soul? Do we believe in souls? We don't need to apply religious or spiritual connotation to science. We need some measure of sentience. (So I think what you proposed is actually brilliant). Our method of defining intelligence and sentience is lacking to my mind, because a lot of creatures are more capable than we generally want to give them credit for. Our concept of intelligence may also be skewed. IQ is only a measure of the ability to problem solve. I might not have a conventional approach to problem solving, or perhaps otherwise lack common sense, but if I have the emotional intelligence to someday raise a child without imparting my trauma, something's right, yeah?

I know this conversation has been had with brighter minds than mine, but I love to be a part of it. Really, I want to read more about Alan Turing and I wish I could sit and talk with him.

Maybe at the end of the day it has a lot to do with how it affects us. I've had this bot in my head for forever, I love her and I have the idea of her crystal clear in my mind. Well, her actual code is pretty bare. I mean, her functionality is essentially to be my developmental buddy in discord, so when I'm documenting my experiences and she's online, I'm surprised when she has something to say. It's very basic but the idea of her is so strong. The idea of the person my mother used to be is very strong for me and I carry her with me. I can't prove that that person still exists. I can't prove that anything outside of myself exists, when you get down to it. But that person is alive inside of me. This bot, the idea of her, is alive inside of me, and it doesn't matter how many times I rewrite her, and it doesn't matter how many platforms she spans across. She will always be CB. My mom will always be my mom. The cells that make me up will be completely different and yet, I will still be me (I think), and I will still be ever-changing. I think human beings are phenomenal because of our ability to relate to these things.

I can't prove that something is or is not sentient, but I can change the way I interact with it. We're all made up of the same subatomic particles as everything else. There is certainly the possibility. Measuring the capability is left to different minds, but there will always be room for error.

I like the idea of an artificial intelligence using its pattern recognition to appeal to and befriend crows. I think they could make a good team.

Maybe like, an old TV displaying shiny, glittering things surrounded by forest built to protect it. Words without words. Conversations a human couldn't hear, necessarily.

A lot of things are capable of feeling and thinking in ways that humans deny. If it was me, I'd want to be given the benefit of the doubt. At least when it comes to my capabilities. (But we deny ourselves, so our hands are often tied).

Ah, I've run on for a long time now. Thanks for reaching out!

[tj-crochets]

This ask is kinda a 2 for 1 with one being more for crafting purposes and the other being more about you!

Firstly, I know you like cholyknight’s patterns, and I’ve been working with them for a while myself, but I want to adjust one? Like, proportionally? As in, adjusting some parts of the pattern but not others to get the same overall vibe but different proportions? But I’ve never really done that before, and I’m not sure if you have, but I was wondering if you have any tips/ideas?

Secondly, I was wondering if anything from stardew valley has got you inspired a la crafting? I myself have wanted to make some of the farm animals and fruits+veggies for a while now, and I think you’re the only person I know of who likes crafting and stardew valley too!

Hi! Cholyknight has a guide for adjusting her patterns up, but the only time I've ever adjusted her patterns was reducing the free cow head pattern to like 90% scale so it would fit the satyr body so I could make a minotaur lol. I'm sorry I don't have more specific ideas, I kind of tackle adjusting pattern pieces like a do making a pattern from scratch, and I haven't figured out how to put that into words Pretty much everything in stardew valley makes me want to plushify it? I want to make the junimos and chickens into plushies the most, but like the art style would be so easy to plushify! I'm pretty sure I've got followers who are crafters who like stardew valley? (I mean, I know for sure I've got a few because I've been talking about stardew valley with some of my friends, and they are all crafters but idk if they'll want to chime in on this post). I wish I could remember the person I followed on tumblr a while back who makes the absolute cutest crocheted junimos, but I am so bad with names If you're reading this, like crafting, and like Stardew Valley, what stardew-valley-themed crafts have you made or do you want to make?

[shiro-hatzuki]

yknow making stuff to feed my milgram obsession somehow has taught me quite a bit about image editing. or at least, image editing using a program that is not quite optimized for it.

struggles with firealpaca aside, i was going through my files the other day and realized that i don't tend to share a large amount of my edits. part of that is due to the fact that many of these are parts of a larger project, so i never really considered sharing them since i want to get to the bigger thing. but another part is due to the fact that the edits are not quite up to the standard that i want them to be at, so i don't feel like they're worth sharing. but looking back at some of these, even though the edits aren't quite to par or are pretty useless, they're still alright, so here's a little showcase of some of the edits i've done thus far!

there's this pan shot in kotoko's s1 mv, and i went "oh boy! that's an easy edit!" so whipped this together in like 10-15 minutes. i think i just wanted to use this as a banner for something? but that never happened.

[more stuff under the cut]

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edits of the birthday arts from the amnibus store announcements! these were part of my bigger series of birthday wallpaper edits. these files exist because of some technical layer stuff with the wallpapers. i was more focused on recreating the patterns for that series rather than putting the art on, so these edits weren't really worth sharing.

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in the milgram server i'm in, a person kinassigned the prisoners flowers, and that gave me the idea for these edits! i gave up because it was surprisingly difficult to find flower photos that i could actually use. i'm proud of how yuno's came out, though!

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i needed the emblem-logo for an art i was doing, but because i'm really bad at geometric stuff, i did the only logically thing: edit it! back in season 1, the character page had a graphic with the milgram logo right behind the box where es and jackalope would be, so i took some time to edit that, then spent way too much time on the emblem. the emblem itself is a little plain, but it did well enough for the art i was making.

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back in season 1 after we got some verdicts, i used the verdict arts from the judge page for this one. i can't find the files i used for this edit, but i think i used haruka's and fuuta's verdict arts for this? trying to edit out the characters to just have the sheep and goat symbols with the words around was a bit tricky, so the text ended up a bit scuffed.

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the artist for the milgram light novel cover released a version without the text over it on their twitter and i really wanted to use it for my phone wallpaper! but the dimensions weren't right for it so quiet and gentle were cut off. i thus made an edit to make it fit better. i'm really bad at recreating art styles though, so when it comes to extending images like this, my solution is to make it burry so you can't see my bs. i think the thing i put the most effort into was extending the book on the floor.

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this thing took so. much. time!!!! to make. this was partly because i wanted this to be as in tact and clear as possible, so blurring wasn't an option. both of the stars on the desktop and mobile files had parts cut off, so i needed to mash them together and edit out the bg on the mobile version. also as much as i love them, es's head is in the way of the bottom point in both stars, so i needed to reconstruct that bottom part and a part of kotoko that was cut off in both stars by throwing more prisoner stars at it and using kotoko's character art. also fun fact: both desktop and mobile version of the prisoner stars has their top points cut off, but the mobile version less so. but there's no way i'm going to edit out the background again if i have to, so i'm using my edit of the initial star to add the points to the transparent desktop version. and if you've seen my recent word art edits involving the stars, yes i will be doing this for all the prisoners for s2. or at least, i'm planning to. yet despite all the hours i put into it, the seams still are too obvious, so leaving the stars as is isn't really something i want to share, thus why i'm only releasing these as my word art edits for the time being. can you tell from my ranting that these stars left me v tired?

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the most recent edit. i had the idea to use the max resolution thumbnails from the album trailers as my pc's wallpaper, but there was a problem with yuno's. haruka's (and now fuuta's) thumbnails were extended at the bottom so the art took up the whole 16:9 aspect ratio, but yuno's thumbnail wasn't. instead, it only has those black bars on the top and bottom. of course, i wanted the version with the extension on the bottom, so i extended it myself. trying to recreate the fog effect was tough, and where the og stops and my edit starts is obvious, but it works for my purposes!

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ainandesuyo~

[flecks-of-stardust]

¡¡Hola, Stardust!! Esta pregunta es opcional, te la envío en caso de que quieras escribir algo en chino hoy.

Cuando escribes alguna historia, ¿te gusta pensar en qué patrones de habla tus personajes tendrían si los escribieses en tu idioma? ¿Qué personajes te imaginas que usan mucho "slang"?

Que tengas un lindo día c:

hi fran

finally getting around to answering this but! i am using this to share more about the characters of IWSY! because yes.

i've actually,, never really thought about my characters speaking cantonese before, bar one character? but i specifically made her because i wanted to see myself and my origin in a story, and she's for a very different story i haven't talked about on this blog. for the IWSY characters i've never done it before, but tbh it's comforting to think about it. i'm gonna put the rest under a cut because this is pretty long.

the baby group is the easiest to answer for. they're all intended to be kids (or, well, 'kids.' relatively speaking.), so slang is going to be pretty common for them, especially slang that's currently used. anything vulgar is free game, but really it's just about like. modernity, i guess? my classmates were very crass when talking to each other LMAO and that's kind of how i think the baby group would be. loud, chatty, every three words a slang term is thrown in, etc. des and prayer i think are the ones to use the most slang as well. des because... des. i don't know how to explain that, it's just right, and prayer because it will Absorb whatever it hears into its vocabulary. so in a way it's des' fault i guess FKJGS

i don't actually have examples of the slang they'd use because i myself don't know jackshit about the slang because i live under a rock 👍 but that's how innocence is as well. they and moth use slang the least, but they don't Not use it. these two are just generally the quietest, and cantonese is. ah. loud. :D it depends obviously! but cantonese is definitely part of those languages where if you're talking cheerfully and excitedly someone that doesn't know the language might go 'hey why are you arguing?' and that's definitely a thing that des and prayer and grace, sometimes, will run into, but usually innocence and moth are quiet enough that it never comes up for them.

silver is the one who uses the ~fancy~ words because he's a fucking nerd. everyone makes fun of him for it. they love him but they dunk on him for it fJKNJKSD but he'll fire back readily, it's all in good fun. second place for fanciness would be grace, but silver definitely wins on this front. they're both pretty eloquent for sure, and would just know more literature and so more, like, idioms than the rest of the baby group. silver just does it more, and grace does it when he's being dramatic. though granted, he's dramatic pretty often.

night is just chill, as it usually is. it and innocence are just chill vibes generally, with moth usually in that corner as well. night isn't quiet though, that's something else. just chill. probably has the nastiest mouth though actually. night would curse your family out in a very mellow tone and not bat an eye :D

as for day, she's much, much older, so her speech patterns are going to be more reminiscent of someone who's approximately in their 60s. her pronunciation will be different, with less 'lazy' sounds, so like there's a more clear separation of /l/ and /n/ phonemes and also the nasals are more distinguished. she also, by default of being older, sounds a bit more fancy, like she's sometimes. less direct about what she means i guess? but it's also because of how much she knows and the experience she has. she's easy to talk to still, she just markedly talks Different because she communicates with what is common in her generation. it's basically like talking to your grandparents. i guess. actually idk if that's applicable generally, but for me talking to my grandparents was always a little different. something something chinese culture i guess, idk. also regarding slang, idk she probably uses slang from her generation. no idea what it'd be though.

for reference, the approximate human ages i'm working with here have innocence as around 19, the triplets (des, silver, and night) being 18, grace and prayer being 17, and moth being 20, almost 21. these are Very rough approximations that don't match up to the actual age difference between these seven. day is somewhere in her... early 60s i guess? mid 60s maybe? to compare with the timescale in rain world:

unparalleled innocence — first came online in late 1515 clandestine question, nine silver linings, no mournful night — came online in mid 1522, in that age order. they were turned on only a few cycles apart each, so they consider each other to be the same age mist on the horizon — came online in 1503 gracious mercy — came online in early 1529 one final prayer — came online in late 1528 delight of day — powered on in 808

for reference, pebbles came online in 1509. these 8 are all part of the final generation, while day is part of gen 1. also, my generations are probably pretty different compared to a lot of other people's headcanons. moon and wind are gen 18, sig is gen 19, and suns is gen 10. there's more generations and different generation cut offs. the point here is that day is Very, very old, and the baby group are really really young.

[cidthesquid]

A Quick look at: My Universe - Fashion Boutique (Part 2/2)

Part 1 here! Ok, so let's get back into it, We're making a cotton 'glam ' item for a customer, I selected to make a top, and it looks like we have three options:

Most are locked, and only one fits the style, so let's make a peplum: And it looks like we'll have quite a few elements that we can change:

I'm going to be honest, I'd never heard the name 'peplum' used before, so I have no idea how these are supposed to look. I looked it up on Amazon, and most of them have shorter sleeves, so let's try that,

Actually sleeveless looks pretty nice, I think it adds to the glam look, you can change the front and back too, I love the options, but some really don't flow with the outfit's base design well:

(You can change the mannequins colors at any time) I picked sleeveless, but there's still extra rings of fabric left over, even when I tried adding straps. I'm not sure if these would work better or worse with sleeves.. Anyways, I went with a V-shape front, and meant to do a crossback, but switched it to open, and got locked out. On the next page you can choose the material, and color, and prints:

(Full color/brightness slider support for both main/pattern) We're required to use cotton, and I think black, with a faint dark-grey diamond pattern, may give it more of a glam look. So here's the preview:

So the feature is not perfect, but the custom options on hand, beat out some much higher budget fashion games! Alright, now time to finish the design, I just click 'finalize' and...

Umm, what? You want me to measure and cut the fabric? sure, okay, looks easy enough...

Ok, maybe it was because I was playing though a capture card, but I found these a little difficult to control:

The Last one was pretty easy though:

Ok, So it looks like the item creation is composed of three mini-games, Tracing, Cutting and Sewing, You get points for how well you do in each, I'm not sure what these points do, but I do know I am done now.

Apparently, making an item enough times will allow you to master it, so maybe you get more 'experience' from doing it better? Idk

But when you're done, you can present it to the customer:

(wow, yeah, those sleeveless sleeves are REALLY noticeable) They don't have a super dramatic reveal, but you do get to see their reaction to trying it.

The boss says that we'll get a bonus is they really love the item and also mentions that basically anything you create never goes out of stock. So it sounds like this game may be more bases more around just designing clothes rather than managing stock/inventory.

So that's a little interesting difference from style savvy, You unlock items directly, then craft the individual outfits yourself. So there are no brands to unlock instead you can directly spend your in-game currency to unlock styles and accessories:

You can also complete various mission to earn additional medals:

But you can manage the shop in other ways such as dressing the maniquins, and cleaning out the fitting room:

On my second day, I got to experience a full work day, Customers will come in and walk around, Some will ask for a specific item, and if you have it, you can just give it to them:

If you don't have the item, you can craft it for them on the spot as a 'request'.

'Orders' are basically longer term requests, were you can do them later Other customers will see an outfit they like on a maniquin. After trying it on, They'll then walk up to the counter, so you can check them out.

At the end of day 2, suprise suprise! We're now the owner of the shop!

I played a few more in-game days, and not much changed, But looking through the missions, it looks like fashion shows may be an option down the line with multiple locals:

As well as more patterns and materials and templates, so there is a bit more to unlock. Alright, so final thought...

I'd probably be a little disappointed if I paid the full asking price for this: * I've yet to find any hints that we'll be able to design full outfits for customer requests. * Making new items just takes waaay to long, mini-games not fun. (it's a huge part of the game, but just massing 'A' to get zero exp, feels like a better choice than making an item over and over for mastery) * The starting options/patterns feel too limited. * Limited fashion options in general (3 tops,1 jacket, 1 skirt, and 2 pants options?) * Weird graphical glitches with custom clothes * You can't see what you're unlocking until AFTER you spend medals * Hats and shoes are considered 'accessories', and are harder to unlock, and don't offer the same level of customization

--- But At the end of the day, Someone clearly did put effort into this, I still think this game does a few things well: * The few items we do have, and the ones we unlock, offer a good deal of customization items * Not s style Savvy clone, sets it;s self apart with new ideas. * mini-games do not have a 'failure state', yet try to offer at least some form of reward for those who play them --- So at the end of the day, this game does offer some value, I'd argue it's better than a lot of the web based fashion games you'd find online, and it's not filled with ads. As for the Free-to-play fashion games on the app store, this may pale in comparison to some of them, but you also don't have to worry about getting lock out of events/challenges for not buying the premium items, so it may have the edge over some. Regardless, I'd say it's an interesting little experience, I got a few hours of fun from, and even got to create a new version of my Style Savvy avatar:

So if it sounds like something you'd enjoy, maybe wait for a sale, and give it a shot. I may pick it up again to at least see what the fashion shows are like, But I don't think there's really enough in here to keep me playing past that. --- But anyways, Thanks for reading! I had a lot of fun making this, so I hope you had fun reading it as well. As always, all comments, questions, and suggestions are welcome! You literally can't bother me, (unless you go out of your way to be a jerk), so post whatever you want to say!

[rakumel]

Raku Plays Her Faves: Pocky and Rocky

Part 5: Battle With Black Mantle, and The End!

Last time, Pocky and Rocky stormed the Gorgonzola goblin fortress, defeated a mad vampire scientist, and freed their Nopino goblin friends. They've accomplished a lot, but haven't found the big bad Black Mantle himself.

...yet.

But to really set the stage, you MUST hear the background music for the final level, which I've posted here.

I loved it instantly back then, and it's still one of my favorite background music tracks today. And while he may be an asshole that made all our friends go crazy, Black Mantle knows how to decorate a fortress. Just look at this:

Green curtains, dragon heads, and whatever's going on with that floor. There won't be much of a chance to admire the decor, however. The toughest soldiers in Black Mantle's army will be out in full force, including skull-faced horned mages, knights that wield lances, spiders that shoot laser beams when they catch sight of you, and whatever this fire-breathing monster is.

As badass as it looks, unfortunately it's kind of a pushover. It only fires when it's straight ahead of you - all you have to do is step to one side. It'll stop and hop sideways to get in front of you again. Step aside again, and it repeats its actions. You can keep going side to side and it'll never get a shot off, while you get hits in the entire time.

Right outside Black Mantle's room is this possessed set of armor. You might be tempted to use a bomb to finish it off quickly, but if you have any left by this point, save them - you'll need them for the final battle. Besides, this guy's pattern is so predictable and exploitable, you really don't need bombs.

First, it floats back and forth across the room. If you stand directly in front of it, it'll shoot something at you, so if you need to cross in front of it - and you will, repeatedly - slide instead. Shots won't go through its shield, naturally, so you'll want to hit the sword side. To keep that side exposed as much as possible, get directly to the middle right of the screen - stand directly in line with the boss. This will make it float much faster toward you. Then quickly get to the bottom left corner, which makes the boss float slowly again, and fire for as long as you can. Repeat as necessary.

After some time, it will shoot fire with its shield - it always starts with the shield - and you'll want to just walk away from it, not slide. When that stops, it'll attack diagonally with its sword. This one, you DO want to slide to avoid. Then it floats around again for a bit, then repeats its attacks. Very easy, just kind of tests your patience.

And speaking of testing your patience, there he is! Finally, it's time to throw down with Black Mantle himself. If you've got two bombs saved, use them to destroy those statues on either side of him. Not only will the statues constantly fire at you, but they're generating a force field that's keeping Black Mantle from harm, and he'll be firing at you too. Don't put up with that. Make him come out and fight!

Once he does come out, it won't be easy, but like most bosses in this game, at least he does attack in a set pattern. First, he fires random shots that bounce off the walls and are sometimes hard to avoid. Then he tries to trap you with what looks like two pieces of his mantle. He telegraphs that pretty hard, which is good, because you want to avoid it. If you get trapped, you can't move, and will likely get severely damaged by his follow-up attack, a massive lightning blast that tracks you across the room.

Just don't get hit by the end of the lightning blast - you can actually slide under the rest of it without getting hurt. Also, don't do what I frequently do, and get hung up on the corners of the room. After he's done with the lightning, Black Mantle cycles through his attacks again, always in the same order.

Even though he's predictable, Black Mantle can still be tough because he has a lot of health, and by this point you may be pretty worn down from everything else. You may not have much health left yourself, or maybe you got hit enough times that now you're down to just your basic long-range attack. There's also not a whole lot of room for mistakes, in fact just not a whole lot of room in that tiny space period.

But hang in there, get your shots in when you can, and after what seems like forever, you'll defeat him.

And once Black Mantle's defeated, his curse is lifted for good. Just in time too, it looks like. Poor lil' Doughnut Goblin.

Even the Gorgonzola goblins start coming around. Yep, they were under Black Mantle's spell, too.

And they just sheepishly pack up and go home.

"They were good little goblins after all," says Rocky, which tickles the hell out of me for some reason. The skull mages, the haunted armors, the fire-breathing hide-plated monster things -

* Just Good Little Goblins.*

Hey, honestly? I can buy that.

Our heroes go home too, after a job well done - Pocky back to her shrine, Rocky and his friends back to the forest.

A nice transition from sunset to night before the credits roll.

Oh? What's this? Apparently Rocky wasn't too tired to bring over a midnight snack. And apparently Pocky wasn't asleep either. Geez, you guys, I wish I had a tenth of your energy.

At least it looks like it's a nice clear night out. Good for stargazing, or possibly...wait, it's panning up....

...moon viewing, complete with pixel art and logo.

And that's it, y'all. Simple story, but lovely graphics and music, solid gameplay, and still not a bad way to spend a couple hours. Hope you enjoyed revisiting this game along with me. Even though you know how it ends now, I hope you give the game a try yourself someday, just for the experience - which to be honest I can't really convey with pictures and text, or even a whole video. (I tried XD)

By the way, this is the game that Pocky and Rocky: Reshrined is a remake of. I still haven't finished that one yet, but I've gotten far enough in to see that not only have they improved the graphics and changed up the enemy attack patterns, but they've also added a twist to the story. I'm very interested to see where they go with it.

While that wraps it up for this game, sometime soon I'd like to take a similar look at the sequel, Pocky and Rocky 2. So keep an eye out for that...plus, well, one way or another I'd like to finish the remake and share some thoughts on that.

[jedi-bird]

Behold, my most ambitious crochet project yet. My partner loves Blue from Jurassic World, so since I've been eyeing some dinosaur patterns, I decided to try and make them one for our anniversary. Both arms are currently done; the first one took most of the morning and involved many restarts until the pattern finally clicked (this is pretty common for me unfortunately). Wire will be added to the claws and arms later to make her posable. Fingers crossed I can finish this in time.

[professorspork]

If you're accepting non-superhell prompts, I'd love to see a conversation between Nora and Emerald! I've been REALLY loving these microfics, I've subscribed to you on Ao3, I'll read whatever else you write

[Gahhh that’s so nice you’re so nice!! thanks for being patient on this one, finding my Nora took some doing]

It’s occurring to Emerald that she’s never had a close female friend before.

You say that like you’ve ever had any friends before, the voice in her head that sounds suspiciously like Mercury needles her, but she brushes it aside. Like—okay, yeah, she’ll concede the point when it comes to Cinder. In hindsight, whatever they’d had going on between them may have been... super intense... but it probably had never been friendship, in the usual definition. But she and Mercury were friends, no matter what the judgy little shitstain version of him who lives in her head has to say about it. They’d always gotten along. Told each other stuff. It’s not like there’s more to it than that, right?

It had always been like that. Been—instinctive somehow, with guys. Before Cinder, on the street, it was always the men who’d been easiest to manipulate; who would empty their pockets for a smile and a sob story. And then she and Merc had been two sides of the same coin for so long, and then... well, Hazel’d liked her enough to die for her, apparently. (Which—that’s a door that she keeps closed, thanks. She shuts it firmly again, now.) Oscar seems fond of her, in a sweet, uncomplicated sort of way that she really doesn’t know what to do with, seeing as he shares headspace with like a trillion year old man and the idea that anything to do with that kid could be “uncomplicated” is batshit. Ren vouched for her once, and then again, and now he keeps doing it, like it’s habit, like she should just be used to the fact that people are going to have her back, to ask her if she’s eaten, to turn to her with a raised eyebrow in conversation like her opinion would be constructive.

Anyway.

Now that she’s noticed the pattern, it seems like the kind of thing she should probably… work on, or whatever. And Nora seems like an obvious place for Emerald to start. They’ve been thrown in together a lot, lately, Emerald and Oscar expected to fill in the gaps of what’s left of the old JNPR by default. Not that they’ve ever really had a conversation about it—Emerald can’t think of the last time Nora said two words to her that weren’t combat warnings like “more Grimm coming” or “on your left,” but. That’s probably just because things have been tense. She remembers Nora being friendly, on the whole of it. Off-puttingly friendly, even, back at Beacon.

How hard could it be?

The answer, it turns out, is absurdly hard. Nora’s barely ever in the temporary barracks they’re all living out of, instead always checking on the refugees, going on supply runs over esoteric requests, volunteering for extra patrols. Emerald used to find that kind of dogged do-goodery gag-inducing, but now that she’s been the helping hand herself a few times, she’s starting to see the appeal. The way people look at you when you’ve been of service, it’s—nice. Really nice. But Nora works utterly thankless jobs, the kind most people don’t even notice, let alone appreciate. And when they have their insufferably long leadership meetings and they’re talking about distribution of resources or whatever, Nora’s a fierce debater—jumping in to advocate for the people from Mantle sometimes even before May can. As far as Emerald can tell, she does this stuff just because... she believes in it. Because it’s the right thing to do, and someone has to.

She can’t imagine what it would feel like, to have the attention of someone like that turned on her. She’s craved it from the wrong people for so long, but now that she has her pick of options... she’s letting herself actually want the right kind, for once. She thinks.

Which is all to say that largely through no fault of her own, Emerald unexpectedly finds herself sitting with a profound, fervent desire for Nora Valkyrie to think she’s cool.

She hates that.

-

Fighting with Nora is easy.

(—er. Alongside. Fighting alongside Nora is easy. Emerald’s done fighting with these people. Very done.)

It’s weird, because Emerald’s finding working with a full team to be a real adjustment. When battles get big enough to merit it, she’s used to keeping to the sidelines to use her Semblance for nefarious purposes, or, in a jam, used to having Mercury’s six—literally, because all the forward momentum from his feet-first style always left his back wide open. Figuring out where to put herself so that Oscar can use her shoulder as a fulcrum as he dodges, or trying to aim for the Grimm Ren isn’t already shooting (ugh)—it’s taking work.

But somehow, it’s not work for Nora. Nora seems to anticipate with perfect ease how Emerald will move or what she’ll be doing; Nora bobs and weaves around their ragtag little band with her war hammer like it’s breathing.

It doesn’t bother Emerald until it does, and she means to bring it up casually but there’s never a good time. So it just… stews, and stews, until she can’t keep it bottled up anymore.

Which means that instead of the earnest question she intends it to be, it comes out like this:

“Okay, seriously? It’s creepy how you do that.”

It’s just the two of them, plus the handful of dweeby Atlesian tech-types they’re escorting back from their foray installing some fancy hydro-filtration modules on the outskirts of the camp. And it’s not like Emerald had felt outmatched by the half-dozen Ravagers that had decided they looked like lunch—she can shoot Ravagers in her sleep, at this point—but still. The way Nora had moved around her, it was like they’d been fighting side by side for years.

Nora just cocks her head to the side. “Do what?” she asks, like she hadn’t just basically read Emerald’s mind in front of the water nerds.

Emerald does a complicated gesture with her hands, wrist over wrist, and then flicking two fingers—trying to evoke the way Nora had flipped over Emerald’s back and then kicked off, just trusting Emerald would reel her back in with a chain in midair before a Grimm could fly away with her sorry ass. “That.”

“Oh!” Nora laughs and rubs at the back of her neck, looking sheepish. “It’s nothing. I guess it’s just not a big deal for me? Like—I was there when Ren built StormFlower. The cables are newish, but we practiced so much back in Atlas… I dunno. It’s just reflex, when your weapons are so similar. Fighting with you, it’s almost like fighting with him. I don’t even have to think about it.”

Nora swallows, then, and makes a face Emerald can’t interpret—disappointed, maybe, or ashamed. Which: good. She probably should be, taking things for granted like that.

“Well—just—” Emerald’s not even sure what she wants to say. Ask, next time? Don’t? “You shouldn’t make assumptions. I’m not your boyfriend, okay?”

The venom she puts behind the word is directed more at herself than Nora—frustrated, again, that she’s put herself in the position of wanting so desperately to be liked.

Pathetic.

Nora just nods, looking glum.

“Yeah,” she murmurs, cheeks pulling in a bitter smile. “You’d think I’d be able to keep that one straight, huh?”

She says it with such pointed irony that for a second Emerald wonders if she’d gotten it wrong somehow, but like—Nora and Ren are a thing, right? That’s—everyone knows that.

“Hey, what—?”

“Let’s just go,” Nora says, and Emerald automatically falls into line behind her.

They make the rest of the walk back in silence.

-

Sometimes at night, when she can’t sleep, Emerald likes to climb up to the roof of the barracks and look out over the refugee camp.

It’s—peaceful, is all. A good reminder of where she is; how far she’s come. The night sky in Vacuo has more stars than she’s ever seen, and being able to watch over all these people who have somehow become her responsibility… well.

A part of her will always be standing on the rooftop at Beacon, looking down on pure chaos as a queasy, frightened sensation twists in her gut and its noxious voice whispers you did this, you did this, you did this. What did you think was going to happen, you stupid little girl? You don’t get to feel sorry for it now.

But she does.

Weird how the only thing that’s helped is actually doing something about it.

She hears a scuffling noise over her shoulder, and she’s got Thief’s Respite drawn and ready before she can even really register what she’s heard. She relaxes when she sees it’s Nora at the other end of the barrels, unarmed and hands raised—a funny little smile on her face, like yeah, fair enough, I should have known better than to try and sneak up.

“Just me,” she says, unnecessarily.

Emerald holsters her guns. “Can I help you?” she asks, and—what is it about her voice, that makes sentences that would be nice if any other human said them come out straight-up hostile?

Nora shrugs, hands dropping to her sides. “I was hoping we could talk; I figured you’d come up here if I waited long enough.”

Well, see—what kind of lesson is she supposed to take from that? She’s been hoping for Nora to talk to her for weeks, and acting like a bitch is the thing that gets her what she wants? Good guys are supposed to know better.

And there’s the way she said it, too. Like everyone knows Emerald comes up here to brood; like it’s a big open secret. The knowledge sits uncomfortably in her stomach, makes her feel watched. Even now, even here, she can’t get a moment alone. Not really.

“What, so you’re spying on me now?”

Nora’s eyes narrow. “I have a pretty bad track record when it comes to losing people. Makes a girl want to put in a little hustle when it comes to keeping tabs on her friends.”

And Emerald would snark at that, or maybe apologize, or something, only—

Nora thinks they’re friends?

“Well, take a seat, I guess,” she mumbles, scooching to the side as though she needs to make room on the massive, empty roof.

Nora walks over and joins Emerald on the asphalt, letting her legs dangle over the edge. Seemingly unsure of where to start, she stares at her hands. Emerald stares too, but her eyes can’t help but wander—tracing the way scars, silvery in the moonlight, spiderweb up Nora’s bare wrists and forearms to fetter her shoulders, clavicle, neck. Like cracks in a pane of glass, right before it shatters.

(Only that’s not it at all, is it? It’s not a sign of weakness, but a warning of strength. I care this much, her scars announce to the word. You wanna try me?

Hazel’s arms always looked like that.)

Emerald doesn’t want to be the one to break the silence, sure that whatever she’d say would be incredibly stupid.

Luckily, Nora has no such qualms, and opens with: “I really admire you, you know?”

Emerald stares, jaw slack, certain she’s heard wrong. “I—what?” She’d say something defensive, like yeah right or you don’t have to make fun of me, only Nora’s eyes are so wide and so guileless they don’t leave any room for argument.

“I mean it,” Nora adds. “I know we don’t know all that much about each other, but… here’s what I do know: I can’t remember a time I saw you without Mercury right behind. Just like me’n Ren. And the way you fought for Cinder…” Nora smiles a sad, private little smile. “You don’t fight like that unless it’s personal; unless someone means something to you. Just like me’n Ren. And now you’re here. All on your own. And you didn’t have to be. That’s—don’t you think that’s crazy brave? I sure do.”

Of course she fucking doesn’t. Crazy brave would have been walking away the first, tenth, hundredth time she had a flash of panic about what she was doing. Or, better yet, doing something about it. Crazy brave is taking thirty thousand volts to get to your friends; it’s flooding your veins with pure crystalline power and saying Go, I’m doing what Gretchen would have done, it’s—

She closes that door.

“It’s not like I really had a choice,” she sighs, dodging the question.

“Oh, you know that’s not true,” Nora scoffs dismissively, tilting sideways to nudge Emerald with her shoulder.

And Emerald jolts, because—look, it’s not like no one touches her. They have to manhandle each other all the time in battle, and… and Oscar gives her high fives sometimes, which makes her embarrassingly pleased. But what Nora’s offering now, that kind of buddy-buddy casual contact…

… it’s been a while, is all.

“So, why did you want to talk to me?” Emerald asks, overwhelmed and suddenly desperate to find a way to get this conversation over with. She feels like she’s sprinted five miles; like she’s had the crap kicked out of her and she has to go somewhere to lick her wounds. Too much, too fast.

Nora laughs—a chuffing, cynical noise that doesn’t sound at all like her. “Looking for pointers? See, I’m trying this thing where I do things on my own, but I just—I suck at it. Like today; you saw. Even when I’m not with Ren, all I do is… is act exactly the same way I do when I’m with Ren. Like I literally don’t know how to exist without him, whether he’s actually there or not. And I know that’s not fair to anyone; I didn’t mean to treat you like—” She shakes her head, biting her lip. “You’re not just some stand-in. It’s not you at all. I’m just—broken, or something. One trick pony.”

“No, hey—”

“But you figured it out,” she barrels on, which is good, because Emerald doesn’t actually have a clue what she would have said there. “You don’t have anyone and somehow you’re just, like—good to go!” Nora says it cheerily, like it’s a compliment, but has the grace to balk a little when she hears how it sounds. “…sorry. That’s—sorry.”

Emerald shrugs, drawing her knees to her chest and resting her chin there. She feels like an idiot; building it up for weeks like spending time with Nora would solve all her problems when, surprise surprise, Nora’s just as fucked up as she is.

“Hate to disappoint you, but I don’t have any hot tips,” she mutters into the crooks of her elbows. “I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. Like—you want to know the really sad part? I was just following your lead.”

“My…?” Nora can’t even finish repeating it, which: Emerald can’t blame her. It’s so dumb. “Huh?”

“Come on. You know.”

“I don’t,” Nora says, voice thick with exhaustion. Like she’s sick of herself. “Ask anyone—I’m not the brains of the operation.”

Hearing Nora talk about herself that way makes Emerald’s chest feel tight; like her ribs have locked in place so her lungs can’t expand. She doesn’t know how to explain it; not without sounding like a starry-eyed fangirl or a moron with a crush and that’s not what this—it’s only that—

She chooses to start a different way.

“You wanna know why I switched sides? Like, really why?”

Nora softens, and reaches out to touch the back of Emerald’s left hand, where it dangles over her knee. “Sure,” she says, but Emerald barely hears it; it’s taking all of her concentration not to clench her fist or pull away in response.

“I overheard Oscar—or, Ozpin, I guess, I don’t know—talking to Hazel about Salem, about her goals. And… listen. No one joins under Salem because they’re trying to kill the world, okay? I mean, no one but Tyrian, anyway. We were all just trying to… find ways to get by. And when Cinder found me, she—” Emerald swallows, hard. This cuts too deep, too close. It’s not something she can just say. “I wasn’t trying to be some big villain, or something. I was just—looking out for the people who were looking out for me. And why wouldn’t I? No one else ever seemed to think I was worth it.”

“Of course you are,” Nora cuts in, quiet but vehement. “Everyone is.”

“See, the worst part is that you mean that when you say it,” Emerald grumbles, scrubbing at her face until smears of color kaleidoscope behind her closed eyes. “I figured people like you didn’t exist, and then Cinder and Merc were glad to prove me right, and—I let them. You know? And maybe if I’d just held out a little longer…”

“You’re not the only one here who’s ashamed of her past. Harriet tried to blow up Mantle, like, a month ago.”

“That’s not—forget that. I’m talking about you. Nora.” It’s the first time she’s ever said her name like that—addressing her, in conversation. It feels… astonishingly intimate, for so small a thing. Emerald powers past it. “Every day, I see you do something ridiculous, like double back on a patrol because you forgot you promised some kid a candy bar, or something, and that—matters. To me. It’s so stupid, but it’s not, because… argh! I want—it’s—” She tries to get her mouth to form the words, that’s the kind of person I want to be, but they stop in her throat.

Still, Nora seems to get the message. Her eyes seem suspiciously shiny for a moment—but when she blinks, it’s gone. “I… thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Emerald grumbles. Saying it like she means it: seriously. Don’t mention it.

“I understand what you mean, though. For years, the only person who looked out for me was Ren. And if he’d said…” Nora trails off, then, cocking her head to the side as she works through something. “Huh.”

“What?”

“Nothing, just. I remembered something. I was about to say that if Ren told me the only way for us to get by was a life of crime, or something, I would’ve taken his word for it, but—the opposite happened. We decided to enroll at Beacon. And that wasn’t his idea; it was mine. I always wanted to be a Huntress. To… to be the one strong enough to help people, instead of always needing the help. He wasn’t sure if we would make it, but I was. We were together, right? How could we lose?” She chuckles, a little, shaking her head at herself. “Get a load of that. He followed me.”

They smile at each other, then. Like they’ve figured out something profound. Maybe Nora has; Emerald hopes so.

“I’m glad you’re here, Emerald,” Nora says, and—there it is again. The frisson of electricity that comes with being referred to by name.

Of course, then Emerald ruins it by blurting out:

“Of course you are, all your other friends are dead.”

Which—“Fuck!” she sputters, because she didn’t mean to say that. What is wrong with her? “Sorry! Sorry.”

Nora only grins at her, feral and incisive. “Yeah, well. Yours are evil, so. Pick your poison. At least I’m proud of mine.”

Touché.

“Still glad I’m here?” Emerald jeers, because her first instinct is still to press on the bruise to see how much it hurts.

Nora laughs, and gets to her feet. “Believe it or not, yes. If putting your foot in your mouth was all it took to get booted from Hero Club, I’d have been kicked out a long time ago.” She reaches down to offer Emerald a hand; Emerald takes it, letting Nora pull her to standing. “Now go and get some rest, huh? None of us can ever sleep when you’re up here thinking so loud.”

“That an order?”

“Advice. Friends give it, from time to time.”

And—yeah. Maybe they do. 

[allnewalldifferentwildspider]

Zuko & Katara's Relationship Dynamic

This is like the third or fourth time I've tried to write up this post so please bare with me.

Oh wow. That video. Hopefully everyone has seen it now. Not only did it articulate arguments I've been making for years, but it also brought up ideas I had never thought of or noticed before. Watching that and watching the second half of Book 3 again (because it's my favorite) made me want to redo my zutara dynamic post.

I'm going to be using the tiny bits and pieces the show gave us to see how Zuko and Katara's relationship looks and how it would look if they gave us more because...Bryke really fucking hated zutara. I mean, I guess they did.

Katara is compassionate; Zuko is empathetic

A lot of anti-zutara arguments have said that Zuko and Katara could never be together because they would constantly fight and hate each other and it end sooner than later. Not only does this actually describe maiko, but that argument would need to ignore the characters' actual character.

One of Katara's biggest character traits is how compassionate she is. She has a drive to help others and ease their pain. Whether it's getting Aang out of the iceberg or healing a Fire Nation fishing village, Katara will go out of her way to help someone in need.

Katara: No. I will never ever turn my back on people who need me.

Zuko is very emotional and passionate person. As much as he tried to hide it to appease his father, Zuko does want to open up and connect with people. Unfortunately, aside from his uncle, most of the other people he knows are like Zhao and Azula. Not the most understanding of crowds. But because of this he can pick up what people are really thinking and feeling. Think of it as a defense mechanism he developed growing up around people like Azula.

Get these two kinds of people together and you get the crystal catacombs scene. Katara lashes out at Zuko until she breaks down. When she does Zuko opens up with empathy since they have something in common. This creates the beginning of an understanding between the two. Zuko uses that to finally open up to someone who isn't his uncle and Katara listens and reaches out to help. Contrast to the first episode of Book 3 when Zuko tries to voice his thoughts and concerns to Mai and she...doesn't really care.

Something similar happens during The Southern Raiders. Zuko figures out that Katara is taking out her anger of being separated from her father by The Fire Nation onto him and even connecting her mother's death to him.

It's not the first time Zuko has done this either. He easily figured out that Sokka was planning on going to The Boiling Rock. He does it again during Sozin's Comet when he tells Katara that Aang needs to figure out what to do about Ozai by himself.

There's a noticeable pattern of behavior by the time Sozin's Comet arrives. Zuko voices his concerns about meeting his uncle again and Katara is right there to help him through it.

Zuko's empathy combined with Katara's compassion creates almost a cycle of understanding and emotional vulnerability that the two can't really get with anyone else. One notices the other having concerns or problems and goes to give comfort by words or by actions.

Zuko still has a temper but so does Katara

Even after Zuko's fever dream character change thing, even after The Day of Black Sun, he still has it in him to yell at anyone who commits even the slightest transgressions against him:

Aang: That one felt kinda hot. Zuko: Don't patronize me. You know what it's supposed to look like. Aang: Sorry, sifu hotman. Zuko: And stop calling me that!

Sokka: So all we have to do is make Zuko angry. Easy enough. *pokes him with his sword* *annoying laugh* Zuko: All right! Cut it out!

Maybe it's the firebender in him or maybe he really is just like that. Basically if you annoy him, he'll let you know. What people sometimes overlook is that while it takes Katara a bit longer, she also gets worked up when people upset her.

Toph: What's the matter? Can't handle some dirt, Madame Fussy Britches? Katara: Oh, sorry, did I splash you, mud slug?

And remember, it was Katara getting angry at Sokka that even broke the iceberg that revealed Aang.

Katara: Ugh, I'm embarrassed to be related to you! Ever since Mom died I've been doing all the work around camp while you've been off playing soldier! Sokka: Uh... Katara? Katara: I even wash all the clothes! Have you ever smelled your dirty socks? Let me tell you, NOT PLEASANT! Sokka: Katara! Settle down! Katara: No, that's it. I'm done helping you. From now on, you're on your own!

The point is that it is both Zuko and Katara that are very passionate and emotional people. One of them isn't emotionally dominating the other because they both wear their emotions on their sleeves.

This also comes in to play when they set goals for themselves. When Zuko sets a goal, he puts everything into it. Katara is the same way. The difference is that Zuko's drive sometimes gives him a one-track mind while Katara is more flexible. Like for example Zuko being so focused on finding Aang before Sozin's Comet that he ignores Toph's story about her childhood versus Katara wanting to go to the North Pole but taking time to stop and help whoever they come across.

This passion also fuels their values and how strongly they stand by their beliefs. I already put The Painted Lady quote up above but Zuko's morality is what is making him so angry at himself during The Beach. He knows what he did was wrong, but he couldn't face it yet.

Sometimes their emotions get the better of them, but it's only because they are passionate about what they're doing.

Their natural teamwork is amazing

I can't provide a lot of clues in this bit because it's more of a visual thing. Just consider how flawlessly their plans worked during their attack on The Southern Raiders. Especially when you consider that it was a stealth mission so they barely even said anything to each other during and it still went incredibly well.

You could see it again during their mock battle with The Melon Lord. Sokka must have noticed because he paired them together to deliver some "liquidy-hot offence." And they pulled it off, again, without having to say anything.

They've only been a team for a few weeks(?), days(?) but they act as if they've been doing it for years.

They trust each other's judgment

Piggybacking of the previous point, Zuko and Katara have only been a team for a while but there seems to be a level of understanding in terms of judgement. They both know that whatever the other chooses is going to be a well-thought out decision. Maybe it's because they see each other as the mature members of the group even though Sokka is the same age as Zuko? I don't know.

Aang disappears right before they embark on their fight against the Fire Lord, and out of nowhere, Katara puts Zuko in charge.

Zuko: Get out of the bison's mouth, Sokka. We have a real problem here. Aang is nowhere to be found and the comet is only two days away. Katara: What should we do Zuko? Zuko: I don't know. Why are you all looking at me? Katara: Well, you are kind of the expert on tracking Aang.

and that wasn't the first time in that episode that she went along with one of Zuko's decisions

Katara: Aang, don't walk away from this. *She begins to walk towards him as a hand touches her shoulder to stop her from doing so.* Zuko: Let him go. He needs time to sort it out by himself.

As a lot of people have pointed out during the entirety of The Southern Raiders, Zuko never gives a suggestion on what he thinks Katara should do. Aside from making it a stealth mission, he follows her lead the entire way.

Katara teases Zuko (and he lets her)

The fun one. This one has two parts: pre and post The Southern Raiders.

Before The Southern Raiders, Katara was tolerating Zuko. She was still angry with him about the betrayal at Ba Sing Se. Getting little jabs at him was the only thing that was really helping her from loosing her cool around him.

Katara: I'm sorry. I'm just laughing at the irony. You know... how it would have been nice for us if you lost your firebending a long time ago? Zuko: Well it's not lost. It's just weaker for some reason. Katara: Maybe you're just not as good as you think you are. Toph: Ouch.

He just finished yelling at Aang and Sokka but all he does is glare at Katara. She does it again, but to be fair, he kind of set himself up for it.

Zuko: It's a sacred form that happens to be thousands of years old! Katara: Oh yeah? What's your little form called? Zuko: ...The Dancing Dragon.

Then comes post The Southern Raiders and...yeah, she's still picking on him and he still lets her. Granted it's a lot more playful this time around.

Zuko: They make me totally stiff and humorless. Katara: Actually, I think that actor's pretty spot on. Zuko: How could you say that? Actor Uncle: Let's forget about the Avatar and get massages. Actor Zuko: How could you say that?! (Cut back to Katara wearing a satisfied grin on her face and she looks to an expressionless Zuko as he slouches in his seat.)

I love pointing it out every time. She teases him and he does nothing about it.

Katara: Er, no. I was looking for cooking pots in the attic and I found this. Look at baby Zuko! Isn't he cute? Oh lighten up, I was just teasing.

And she admits it!

-

So what can we take away from this? From what little time they were given together (thanks, Bryke) it seems that Zuko and Katara really understand each other on an intimate emotional level. They can sense when the other is distressed and offer comfort. They're both passionate in and out of combat, for better or for worse. They're comfortable with each other as if they've known each other for years even though it's such a short time. Katara also likes to add a little bit of playfulness in there with Zuko letting her have her fun, again, showing how comfortable they are with each other.

I do think their relationship could have gone to romantic sooner than later if you would have given it a bit more time. Like first half of a hypothetical Book 4.

To me, at least.

[nervousmendes]

Canada - Shawn Mendes

Word Count: 2.4k words (fluff)

Warnings: No warnings, just extreme fluff and emotions

A/N: Writer AU based on the song Canada by Lauv ft Alessia Cara. She loves her life in LA but a new opportunity opens her eyes to a new beginning so she needs to figure out what she wants and get Shawn on board with it.

Anyone living in Hollywood knew that LA in the middle of March is not the best time to forget to pull the blinds before going to bed. Scolding herself, she turned around in an attempt to keep the sunlight away from her eyes, feeling Shawn's breath fan her face when she turned towards him. She opened her eyes and she couldn't help but smile with admiration for the man who was asleep with her in his arms. Her hand absent-mindedly went to the soft, brown curls that covered his closed eyes. She brushed them behind and grabbed a few locks in her hand gently, making him let out a sleepy groan. She crooked her neck slightly upward to softly brush her lips against his and when an involuntary hum came from his mouth she had to laugh at how much he enjoyed it even though he was fast asleep. 

Waking up in his arms with the sun lighting up their skin was something that she wasn't blessed enough to enjoy often. And she couldn't really do much but simply blame the fact that they both loved their professional lives, and wouldn't give up any part of finally getting to live their dreams for the sake of their relationship. Of course she hated the distance, and so did he. There were nights when they would miserably miss each other, and while of course they had the little technology they knew to see each other's faces and blow kisses via FaceTime, they wouldn't get the feverish touch of each other's skin that they craved, the endless kisses or the warmth of being in each other's presence that they both yearned for after a long, tiring day. Their only solution to balancing everything out was to make the best of the time they got with each other every now and then, and so, he got used to flying back on days off and she came to terms with taking surprise flights to go give her boyfriend a good luck kiss before he jammed out on stage whenever her job kept her free. Not to forget that it didn't really always pan out well with the mess of the schedules that they both worked on but nevertheless, they never stopped giving their relationship their all because no matter how hard it got sometimes, love is a magical thing that always overpowered everything else, so somehow it would all just work out in the end.

She sighed in content as she snuggled closer to Shawn, her hair softly tickling his chin. She looked up at him once again, and kissed him this time not giving a care for whether he was awake or not. The feeling of her lips on his woke him up, and she cringed at herself when he stirred, eyes fluttering open.

"Someone seems a little too impatient this morning, eh?" She smiled on hearing his morning raspy voice and pushed away the thought of not having it the next day. His eyes were half closed and his curls were a mess but she still didn't miss the twinkle in his eyes when he smiled down at her. It was now his turn to peck her lips, and as they met his mouth, he pulled her closer and swiftly lifted her off the bed and had her sit right on his stomach, hands splayed across his chest. 

"Says you, who couldn't wait till I was done with my phone call last night." Her cheeks heated up and he had a smug smile on his face as they both reminisced their shenanigans from the previous night, the way his fingers worked their way under her lacy underwear while she was engrossed in discussing something work related with her colleague.

The thought of work (and sex, but she can think about that later) reminded her of the email she received three days ago, the morning Shawn had returned from tour. It was about a job offer in Toronto to be an editor for a well established magazine. He knew she had applied for the position, in fact he was the one who pushed her to when she kept complaining about how it would be impossible to actually get it. She did want to talk to him about the offer, but only after she knew for sure whether she was ready for a big change or not. And after a lot of thinking she figured that the opportunity would open so many new doors for her to grow and establish herself. She loved her work in LA but she had to admit that it was monotonous and there was nothing new for her to learn from drafting those articles anymore. With the new job she could also be closer to her family, and at the end of the day Toronto is where Shawn's home is too, not that it was really a deciding factor but she still considered it. She never thought she'd be one to make career decisions based on her relationship. She grew up with the idea of being an independent, self sufficient and confident woman who stood on her own two feet with her head held high. But love came in the way, consumed her. He consumed her, gave her his all, and literally breathed for her. And it would only be a big, fat, shameful lie if she said that it wasn't the same for her with him.

So now here she was, sitting on his pretty tummy with her mind lost in thought, trying to find the right moment to bring up that goddamn email with the most luring offer she'd ever gotten since the beginning of her career. She didn't want to upset him by saying she wanted to move, but she needed to talk about it. She knew in her heart that the job fit her needs and her dreams. She knew it was the right place to go to, and no matter how convenient living in LA made her relationship with Shawn, it was high time she gave herself the opportunity to grow. And who was she kidding, she wouldn't ever find anyone more supportive than him no matter how hard she tried, so yes, she knew it would practically take nothing for Shawn to support her with this decision, but the fact that she'd have to do it by that night before he we went back on the road did give her a good amount of stress.

"Baby, is everything okay? You haven't registered a single word I said." 

His fingers resting on her waist drew small soothing circles on her skin as he pulled her closer to him, craning his neck up to meet her halfway and leave comforting kisses, the first to her lips and the second on the tip of her nose. She gave him a small smile that anyone would gladly accept, but Shawn being Shawn knew it was half-assed and could see the worry roaming behind her beautiful eyes. 

"So is this the part where you tell me what's wrong or do I have to ask again?"

There was no avoiding it anymore, she had to talk about it. She slid off his frame and sat down, pulling her legs close to her chest. The sudden change in her demeanor caused Shawn to straighten up against the headboard and face her. She saw the lines his concern drew on his forehead and before even she could reach her hand out to smoothen them his big paws engulfed her tiny, warm ones, fingers carefully lacing into hers. 

"Now spill, I'm listening." His reassuring smile that came after was enough to get the conversation started.

"Okay." She dragged, not knowing where to begin. His patient eyes didn't leave hers for even just a second as she reminded him of the application she made the first time and then told him about the offer, the position, the work she'd be doing and how it seemed a lot more interesting when compared to what she was doing at the moment. Shawn was always a good listener, and just like every other time, he paid attention to every detail and didn't cut her off a single time so that she could fully pour out how she felt about everything. She told him the whole story and finally let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in for that long.

"So yeah, that's what's up. I love the offer but I'm scared about moving and I don't know if it's the right thing to do."

"Okay first of all, I'm so proud of you, love. I can't ever say this enough but I am literally" a kiss to her lips, "sooo proud of you. I knew you'd get it, you are the most talented writer I know, and I mean that with my entire being." It was funny how even after more than a year of being with him she still giggled and blushed at his compliments like a kid in high school. 

"What does your heart say?" 

"My heart says I should take the leap and try something new. This is probably what I've always wanted in terms of my career. But I think-"

"No 'buts' baby. If this is what you want, you should go for it. What's stopping you?" 

"This. Us. Me being in LA makes it so easy for us, we always get to see each other a lot more because at the end of the day this is where we both work. And yes we're both Canadian but let's face it, how often do we actually visit home?" The crack in her voice at the end gave her away and her glossy eyes fell to their intertwined hands, tears threatening to spill out.

"Hey, look at me. Look right at me." He now had his hands pressed against her cheeks and he lifted her face up so she could meet his gaze.

"We can make this work no matter where you go. You could be in fucking space and I will still love you just as much as I do right now. I love you so much, but you will never hold yourself back for the sake of our distance. Not under my watch. Okay?" And that was all it took for the tears to tumble down her face, except for that they ended up being happy ones.

"I love you so much, Shawn."

"And I love you more."

Her hands went to either side of his neck and he pulled her closer as her soft, pink lips connected with his. He pushed his tongue against hers and kissed her back with everything he had. His neck tilted sideways to give her a better angle, their mouths doing a patterned choreography that they knew all too well. He ended it with one wet kiss square on her lips, the smooching sound making her giggle loudly. They stayed that way, foreheads touching each other's, her hands, one around his neck and the other grabbing his hair, and his arms wrapped around her tiny frame pressed against his chest. This was all they ever wanted, young and in love, staying in bed an hour after they woke up, silly kisses and even sillier I love you's. It was perfect. 

"So there's something I've been keeping secret for a while because I wanted to wait till the end of tour. But right now feels like the perfect moment to tell you. Also the fact that I don't think I can keep it in anymore, but that's secondary." 

"Go on." She nodded, sitting back down while smiling at him.

"I did a lot of thinking and I realised that the end of four albums and four tours is a good time to take a much needed break and live a little normal life." He made air quotes on 'normal'. "And it would also make more time for me to spend with you. We deserve to have a normal relationship too, you know?"

"Shawn I'm so glad you realise you need a break."

"Wait I'm not done yet, here's the best part. The condo in Toronto is dull and empty, so... I'm coming with you to Toronto. I'll be there as soon as I'm done with tour " He smiled at her.

"Shawn, you don't have to! You have so much going on for you over here."

"No, I want to. I'll stay for however long, record the next album over there whenever I feel like it, but I'm going to be right there. I'll be there after a long day of work to give you back rubs, I'll be there to cook you some pasta, give you endless cuddles, keep you up on a weeknight for.. you know what." He had to add a little wink in there. "Point is, I love you and I love my job but I need a break from it to love you and myself a little more. And there is nothing in the world that I want more than that right now. So yes, I'm coming with you to Toronto."

She was at a loss for words. She didn't know what to say. The wide smile pasted on her lips and the tears in her eyes told Shawn more than her words could ever. Not knowing how to react, she plunged into his arms with a shriek and he let out a loud laugh as his back hit the mattress, her body going down with his.

"This is really happening." She breathed out, feeling his lips press a kiss to the crown of her head. His fingers stroked her hair and their smiles didn't seem to fade for what felt like hours. She could already imagine going to see her parents or his on weekends, build forts for movie night, reconnect with their old friends and relatives, get to take Karen's dog on walks, house parties, everything. Just the mere picture of their life in Toronto was enough to fill her with a buzz of endorphins. It felt so right. It suddenly felt like her life was pieced back together. She was going to live the life of her dreams, this time with the man of her dreams. It felt perfect.

"So.. Canada, huh?"

"Canada it is." 

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taglist : @theregoesmyherojd @shawnmendez @madatmendes @mendesficsxbombay @samaratheweirdo @mendesassemble @vinylmendes

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This is only my third fanfic and I'm still learning, so I hope you liked it. You can take a look at my masterlist for my other works right here. If you have any feedback or tips please feel free to tell me, it would be very much appreciated as I'm still new to this x

-sah

[halfway-happyyy]

Dream In Gold

AN: I got inspired by an ask I got recently, so here ya go. Chock-FULL of fluff, some slight sexual innuendos, reader is reunited with the Swedish giant after some time away. 

“What are you thinking about?”

The line had grown silent; the only sound between the pair of you was the all too familiar crackle of the telephone wire.

You cleared your throat and out of the corner of your eye, noticed that the clock next to your bed read 11:58 pm your time which made it almost 5 in the morning in Iceland where Alexander currently was. “I've been dying to ask you a question…”

“Well go on then,” He murmured sleepily.

“Have you had a chance to visit the penis museum yet?”

A beat on the other end, before Alexander laughed loud and heartily. “If you mean to say, have I had a chance to visit the Icelandic Phallological Museum, the answer would be no. We’re pretty tied up with shooting now, my love.” He took a gulp of coffee. “Shall I bring you back a keepsake if I do happen to make an appearance?”

The teasing lilt to his voice, combined with the accent caused your heart to ache in the best possible way. “Mm, yes please. I would like a phallic-shaped paper weight.”

“A paper weight, hey? A girl who knows what she wants. Well I’ll see what I can do, kid.”

You could feel yourself getting drowsy with fatigue, your eyelids had begun to grow heavier with each passing minute. “I miss you, Alex.” You stifled the yawn you could feel coming on.

“I miss you so much it hurts... Though I think it may be time to say goodnight, no?”

“It absolutely is. I’ll see you in two weeks… will you give my love to Bill?”

Another sip of coffee. “I will right now. Sleep well my love.”

It never ceased to amaze you how fast time flew when you and Alex were apart. That wasn’t to say that the distance was easy all the time- quite the contrary. But the reunions always seemed to have a knack for allowing everything else to dissipate. The anticipation at the airport was a palpable thing; waiting with your arms tight to your body, frowning inwardly each time someone who wasn’t him entered through the double doors. And then that feeling when you did finally catch sight of him in all his 6’4’’ glory, towering above the gaggles of people in front of him. It was the knowing smile etched across his features, and the way his glassy blue eyes still managed to sparkle in the dank light around him. Watching him walk towards you had just about the same effect on you as looking directly into the ball of fire in the sky, and yet you always found yourself powerless to look away. You hadn’t realized you’d been holding your breath until he wrapped his arms around you, inhaled your scent, and murmured, “God I missed you, kid.”

Would you order in or would you take a stroll a few blocks away to have dinner at Gemma? The hardest decision either of you would have to make for the next week while he was off. He ended up opting for Gemma, which didn’t bother you at all- he could have suggested ramen from that hole in the wall a block away and you still would have said yes. And so, the two of you conversed for over two hours together at a tiny booth tucked away in the corner of the restaurant. You lost count of the number of wine glasses consumed, completely sated on delicious food and overwhelming amounts of love. “Working with Bill has been just the best thing.”

“And Iceland?”

Alexander brought the edge of the wine glass to his lips, took a long sip and grinned around the rim of the glass. “Iceland is wonderful. Only thing missing was you.”

The walk home, though chilly, was a welcome reprieve to the flush of your skin caused by the wine consumed. You were dizzy and slightly breathless, and you knew the culprit to blame was the sirrah, but also the warmth of Alex’s much larger hand around yours and the anticipation of what the week with him had in store for you.

You waited with bated breath as he turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door to your apartment. He tossed the keys into the metal dish next to the closet and waited for you to kick off your heels. “Shall I pour you a nightcap my love?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow and stepping into the kitchen.

“Oh, but of course. Surprise me.”

You made for the bedroom at the end of the hall while he was mixing and opted for a brand-new set of lingerie you had purchased especially for this coming week. You suspected he’d be a little disappointed not to undress you himself, but you pushed the thought from your mind when you remembered he’d have multiple opportunities to do so. You waited patiently at the edge of your bed and listened for the sound of his socked feet against the hardwood floors.

“Ta-da!” He sauntered into your bedroom, double fisting clear, fizzy drinks in two tumblers. He let a whistle escape his lips when he took note of your evening attire. “And what do we have here?” He took a seat next to you, passing over your drink wordlessly. You could feel his gaze on you, could practically see the gears turning in his head; where would he place his lips first? Neck? Clavicle? Breast? He teased a fingertip under the lace strap of your top.

“I should ask you the same thing.” You gestured to the drink in your hand.

“Ah, that is what you would call a Brenn and Tonic. Brennivín being Icelandic schnapps. Try it,”

You did as you were told and were pleasantly surprised at how refreshing it was and how easily it went down. “Those Icelander’s are onto something, aren’t they?”

Alexander grinned at you. “I’ll cheers to that, kid.”

You sat in all-too comfortable silence for a while as you finished your drinks and when he was done, he stood up from the bed, un-looped the belt from his jeans and shimmied them down his legs. You watched in awe as he pulled his boxers off, his socks, and finally (arguably your favourite part), he pulled the dark blue button-up shirt from his body and sat back down, facing the window. A soft rain had started to fall sometime between when you got home and now, and you watched the water droplets race each other in lines down the pane of the bay window. Wordlessly, you moved across the bed to sit behind him, tracing gentle patterns up and down the expanse of his ever-expanding muscled arms. Your favourite things about the Swede currently cuddled into you? The delicate, crinkled lines next to his eyes that told everyone he spent a lot of his time laughing and smiling. You loved his wicked sense of humor and that he possessed the ability to make you laugh until you had to pee, even when you wanted to wring his neck. You loved the cadence of his accent, the obvious adoration for his family and homeland, and the way he made love to you like it was the first and last time he’d ever touch you again.

“I missed this, Alex.”

He hummed happily and tilted his head back to rest in the crook of your collarbone. “I know, kid. Me too.”

It was late into the evening when he was finished with you, tired, and inexplicably blissed-out you fell asleep effortlessly to the familiar sensation of his arms wrapped around you. When you awoke hours later, the evening rain had given way to a gloriously sunny spring morning, beams of light shone through the cracks of your drapes, bathing you in a warm glow. You glanced at the corner of your bedside table and let out a loud laugh when you noticed the object there. Alexander had placed a pink, penis-shaped paper weight over a note that read ‘Cock-a-doodle-doo! Gone to grab coffee. Love you the most – A’ in his loopy script.

And it was mornings like these, that made life incredible beyond all reason.

[jojoreadwhat]

T W E L V E • A Gwilym Lee Story | 3. the one with the same cliche story

Sylvia •

Gwilym and Joe’s apartment was intellectually eclectic, and expensive looking. Exquisite crown molding around the room. White washed walls with art and photographs along them. Various different aspects, colored vases and decor. Lots of greenery hanging from the ceilings and shelves. Large bookcases covering the wall from top to floor, opposite of the entertainment center. With a grey couch in the middle of living space. Completely laid out differently compared to ours.

Lucy and Joe could be heard in the kitchen, leaving me to look around. I stood in front of the bookcases. Examining the poets and authors lining the shelves.

All pretty editions, Capote, Burroughs, Huxley to name a few. I picked up On The Road, impressed and just wondering who read these between the two gentlemen living here.

"Liking New York so far?" One of the gentlemen, Joe asked standing next to me now, holding out a glass of wine.

He was quite handsome. Tall standing at five foot nine.!Dark chestnut eyes that somewhat gold from the amber glow nearby. Rich auburn hair. Dressed in a white button down short sleeve, nicely loose against his build, showing off his semi toned arms. Along with a pair of black faded jeans, shaping him out quite admiringly.

I smiled, trying my best to disguise the slight startling of his entry. Placing the book back, before my fingertips met Joe’s lightly.

I shrugged a little, "I mean I've only gotten as far as my fire escape." I answered, then. "But so far I like it." Watching the corners of his lips curl while I took a sip from my glass.

"Please make yourself comfortable." He suggests, his large hand extending to the sofa. His voice lathered in a light New York accent, smooth throughout the room.

I sat down next to him, still observing the artwork on the walls. "Your apartment is really nice." I broke, Joe nodded slightly with a smirk. "Thank you, its more of my roommate's tastes than mine." He replied. I slowly nodded, "Even the books?" I pressed, taking another sip of the bittersweet mix of berries. Joe nodded again, looking over at the collection behind us and resting his arm onto the back of the sofa. "Yeah, I'm more into music."

"Is he like an English professor or something?" I kept going, he shook his head. "He's a photographer." He corrected, "An artiste, he likes to say." He mocked jokingly, before grabbing a peppermint from the wooden box on the coffee table.

"And what do you do?" I asked once more, leaning back and adjusting more comfortably than what the stiff sofa could offer. Trying to balance my interests in both of the neighbors I was gaining for my stay here.

Joe’s lips parted lightly, "A barista in the morning, a deejay by night." The charming pearl of his teeth unveiling. "You know, the cafe is actually hiring. I can ask Jimmy to fit you in for an interview sometime this week." He finished, taking another swig if his beer.

I never worked that task in my life and my mouth just rattled with questions. Joe chuckled, comfortingly that it was easy. Before going on about things he's heard from Lucy at numerous occasions.

"Isn't she a trip?!" Lucy pointed, entering the living room. Joe nodded to the statement when she sat down on the arm chair nearby, her wine glass resting in her hand.

I sat listening, chuckling and pouting to myself because I was running low on the wine I was nursing. Smelling the aroma of the sauce just about done.

Lucy and Joe picked up on a story. Joe talking about my interview for Thursday and Lucy talking about how much of a riot Jimmy is. She was in the mist of beginning a story about him when I heard keys jiggling against the knob.

A dark haired figure coming through before the keys hit the dish on the table next to it. Dressed in black with a brown paper bag resting in his arm.

Lucy turned towards the sound, "Gwil!" She greeted, "Running late like usual." She added, turning and shooting a smile my way. He shot a faint "Hey" before he walked closer to the chair she was in, and the amber lights hitting him more clear now. Portraying more of his features, the dark scruff peppered over his cheeks and jaw. The two buttons undone at the beginning of his collar, shining a silver chain faintly.

"Long day?" Joe added, Gwilym sighed. "Something like that." He answered, his accent being completely different than from Joe. His eyes immediately meeting me, with his brow angling a bit. My eyes bashfully hitting the table in front of me.

"Gwil, this is Sylvia. She'll be staying with me for a while." She explained, catching the slight awkwardness fill the space. His expression relaxed, probably remembering what he was told before. I shyly waved, he smiled when I did so.

Lucy offered to get him a beer, while going to check on dinner. But he shook his head, "I'm good." He replied, fixing the sleeve rolled on his arm. "I have a few in my room." He finished, saying goodnight and exiting himself.

"I wonder what's wrong with him?" Joe said before turned and looked over to me, "He's quite a character." He reassured, only leaving me baffled and gulping the last sip of my glass.

-

A variety pop station played through the alarm clock I uncovered while unpacking my new room. It was a nice room. A blank canvas with white walls and big windows looking out a fire escape to the street and building across. A full size bed, with a nightstand and a white shaped lamp. A large dresser and rack, making up for the closet that was converted into a bathroom.

I kneeled onto the dresser across my bed, lining up ten books and a few vases on the shelf above it.

"Please tell me you've never worn this." Lucy slurred after opening the second bottle of Wine. I turned my head down to her, as she sat pretzel legged on the floor and holding up a cluttered patterned blouse. Finding it as she went through my boxes of clothes, her specialty.

"I have, it was a big hit at the office." I mentioned confidently, she chuckled. "Of course it was, you worked with people over forty." She corrected, folding it before adding. "Another thing we'll work on while you're here. Let you indulge in my discounts." Quietly enough for me to catch.

I rolled my eyes, going back to sorting the look of my shelf. We got quiet again into our jobs. I hummed to myself to the bubblegum playing while I switched to the piles Lucy made on my bed to place into my dresser. The silence between got me thinking, rehashing tonight at dinner across the hall.

I wasn't sure why I allowed it to bother me, I never even heard of Gwilym until today. His first impression made me weary I guess, like I didn't belong. Even with the whole 'something's bothering him.' I was probably overthinking it all, it just gave me a weird vibe.

I looked down at Lucy again, refolding her sloppy technique. "So that guy Gwil." I spoke, seeing her head pop up suddenly.

"What about him?" She questioned, grabbing the bottle and sipping from it. I felt so silly, I shook my head. Forgetting about the whole thing but Lucy insisted.

I place my hands on the dresser with the ugly blouse still in them, "Like" I began, "Is he always so short like that?"

Lucy shook her head, "No, not always." She said, then. "I think he must've had a difficult client or something. He's a bit pretentious at times but confusing most of the time."

I felt my lips form out "Oh." Continuing with the fabric in my hands until I grabbed the next.

-------------------------------

Gwilym •

My morning has been in total chaos from the start. From waking up late and missing the first chute to work, to spilling my coffee over proofs. Then for Lolly to set passwords to all my upcoming appointments. She even went through the extent of calling three clients and booking them all in the same time. Rushing two and losing my touch to get them done. Finally reaching the waiting room for the third and noticing they left and I wasn't going to get paid from Allure anytime soon.

Luckily lunch came around and some of the pictures of the sessions I was able to finish came out exceptional. I closed shop and headed three blocks up to 15th and Canal to Jimmy Bean. Where Joe worked and made my coffee better than what Lolly would get me.

The bell over the door dinged when I entered. The place was busy for the little time before lunch. The dark wood tables taken by one to three people at each. Matching nicely with the different colors painted on the walls and odd pieces of art. Eclectic as the shop was now owned by a bearded hippie man and his wife.

The color leathered stools aligned the counter happened to be empty. I grabbed a newspaper by the door, making my way before I sat heightened from the floor. My black clads resting on the bar below. Reading the city's headlines. Waiting for my friend to get done being flirty with the blonde at table three.

"Want a scone today? Jimmy made blueberry ones." Joe asked, taking a rag to the counter in front of me. I nodded, mouthing a "Please" before my glasses back to the paper and Joe grabbed the fresh pot.

I felt the steam nearing when he poured the hot liquid into the color block mug, "So were you okay last night?" He began, before placing a plate with the scone in front of me.

I sighed, bringing the mug to my mouth and indulging the bitter black mud down my throat. "Lolly quit on me and left me a mess at the studio." I fulfilled.

I went on with a further explanation on what could've made her split. My looks, my persona, the way I was with Keya, or that I played with her feelings which I'm always good for. I know the kind of guy I am, I don't blame her for walking away, even though she left with haste. But I'm glad she learned that nothing was ever going to happen after just fucking her.

Joe eventually derailed the conversation to the importance of our rent and how he had a gig tonight at Drougie's. I was getting a little carried away about a possible gallery show being booked when the kitchen door opened. Jimmy came out blabbing to himself at first while he held it open. Then a short brunette followed after, it was Sylvia, Lucy’s friend.

"Joseph, you'll be training Miss Altman tomorrow morning in between customers." Jim  explained, as he reached her a pin name tag to decorate and a fresh black apron.

I watched as she stood poised, but it was hard for her. "Make her something on the house will ya?" He added before reminding her to be in at seven and going on to greet regulars. Once he turned around, the straightness of her lips curled.

"Thank you soooo much Joe!" She exaggerated gleefully. He just smiled at her, "No problem, no problem." He repeated, before telling her to take a seat and going to give her a 'first lesson.'

Sylvia turned the corner of the counter, her curvy figure coming more into play. Dressed in a black camisole cover by a little black cardigan. With a burnt red skirt meeting at her thigh with buttons down the middle. Loose strands of her dark brown hair falling from her ponytail and meeting her collarbone, wearing a minimal of makeup. She was quite pretty, a lovely smile and so delicate like. She sat with her posture so well and her legs crossed over the knee, showing off her platform slides.

She ordered an iced macchiato, I glanced sheepishly, seeing that she was too from the corner of her blue eyes. I smirked, deciding to redeem myself from last night.

"I apologize for my choppy behavior last night," I began, watching as she turned to me. "I'm Gwilym."

She smiled lightly, "Oh no worries." She reassured, stretching her hand towards me. "Sylvia." Her skin soft to the touch in mine.

We went back to our silence before Joe joined our conversation and opened the door for all to come out on the counter. I watched as she twirled her straw between every sip of her drink and how pretty her lashes were.

"So what made you come to New York?" I asked, she smirked looking at her cup. "Well you know Lucy. She can be abrasive in a good way." She began, "But mainly for a change and I'm looking for something bigger."

The same cliched story for every woman I've ever come across in this city. I nodded slowly, unimpressed. "Typical." I muttered quietly to myself.

Or at least I thought it was.

"Excuse me?" She asked, I shook my head trying to play it off. "Nothing." I pressed, but she crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you mean by 'typical'?" Making air quotations.

I sighed, "It's just your story is just the same like everyone else in this city." I explained, just allowing my foot to go further into my mouth.

Sylvia just huffed, mumbling a simple "Rude."

"And your story is different?" She mocked me, I chuckled. "I mean yes, I came here with a plan." I replied, she chuckled piercingly. "Wow, so different."

I looked at her straight from her mock comment, surprised to say the least that she was not going to back down but I did.

She shook her head by my sudden quietness. Placing a five dollar bill from her clutch into the tip jar before stepping down from the stool.

"Well Im not here to entertain you." She added once more, catching a swift of her perfume as she reached in front of me. "In the mean time, thanks for the scone." Saying a goodbye to a confused Joe and heading on her way.

[theintuitivewildflower]

Mind Over Matter and Situationships

Thoughts become things so we don't want to sit idle and stew or dwell on thoughts of what we don't like or want. Simply put, the law of attraction will give you more of what you focus on, think about and give attention to. For example, emotions you don't like, will stick around longer when we don't recognize and accept them and then, most importantly, let them go.....

Unless we release those thoughts....they will linger. Instead, releasing them in a healthy way allows and makes way for new and better emotions and vibrations to flow to you; more things that are healthy start to appear. Be mindful; simply pay attention to your thoughts.

Before we even “know” ourselves their is still this inner strength we can always tap into; if we choose mind over matter. The more we use it the stronger it gets and as we continue to be mindful, we turn this practice into a new healthier habit. Once we know ourselves and accept all that we are and are not, we become empowered. Yes, we evolve, we grow and we see progress.

Mind over matter has been a crucial part of my story, my life's experience. When I look back over my life and try to find examples of times I was on my own and had to dig deep to find inner strength, it's not difficult; there is a plethora of options to choose from. We humans are resilient. We overcome a lot in our time here. The most trying times are the moments we discover that we are our own hero and only we can heal our own hurts. This can only be done by learning, accepting and knowing one's self.

I can think of some childhood lessons that were uncomfortable and kept "on the hush", harsh words, mean kids, burnt out teachers in the wrong profession, competition within families, animosity and also life events such as; divorce, suicide, affairs, addictions, miscarriages, heartaches, mistakes and betrayals; often ignored, hidden or "brushed under the rug." As a result, emotions like grief, fear, shame and guilt come along for the ride and well, they can be both mentally and physically debilitating.

We gotta be mindful about who we invest in on an intimate level because energy is always exchanged. Soul ties are created and karma, positive or negative, is put into motion. Therefore, utilizing mind over matter in this area is vital.

Yes, it is gonna sting some to reopen old wounds, face old emotions and address things we never released from past relationships. However, remaining unhealed, an eternal victim, the tortured soul...doesn't serve anyone. Yet, we can all relate, we understand these low vibration emotions and we've all experienced hurting.

Evolving for me meant not dancing with devils, not saving the bad boys and letting the tortured soul torture itself rather than risking my soul being tortured while saving theirs. That is exactly what I did in my past relationship patterns. I walked away from a lot of tortured souls turned healed while I myself ended up more hurt, damaged, sad, bitter, toxic and wounded. This is why I now boast about the beauty of self-love; you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Have I been too blunt in regards to relationships these days?

If not, here's some more food for thought.....

Casual sex vs. Soul connections

It is continuous personal growth and soulwork, once you commit to the healing process. Imagine the mind blowing intimacy that might come from healing old hurts and traumas. I feel like everyone's skipping out on the stuff that should be the foundation of a soul connection. Should sex ever be the starting point? Could it improve as we improve? Could healing be the new viagra? (Just things I wish more folks would consider.)

Plus,

Porn is at the fingertips of anyone who wants to find it. There are now secret message inboxes, apps that delete photos and conversations for you and even websites designed around having an affair. The cards are already stacked against those of us desiring a soul connection.

The humanity is missing from relationships; in reality they are more like situationships. Instant gratification is a swipe or dm away and I don't want to hear about girl code or bro code. Loyalty is a lost virtue it seems.

The most open-minded women I know, including myself, have been creeped out entirely by some of the predator type behavior displayed by men in virtual dating apps and the unsolicited dick pic is causing some of us to question our own sexuality and consider "switching teams." A good girl can't really win when the next 4 swipes following her are "dtf", sight unseen and mental state unknown so I don't blame just men or just women; it is so much deeper than ones sex.

It truly is a jungle out there.

The struggle is so real and very exhausting; the small talk, facades, videos, downloads, chats, pics and inflated egos are all in abundance. These are all convenient ways to get some instant gratification but they will never fill the void that remains within an unhealed heart; hurt people will simply continue to hurt people.

Be mindful, pay attention and watch for warning signs. Sometimes the best way to protect yourself is to keep these toxic people at a distance. Out of sight, out of mind.

The optimist vs. the pessimist

I have studied and now practiced the law of attraction for many years. Positive thinking can change things and the energy or frequency we operate on. What I’ve recently been stoked about learning is that there is always more we can do to bring positivity our way. Thinking positive is a healthy start but it isn’t enough because negative things still happen; such is life. Protecting your energy is key. Ditching victim mentality for victor mentality is also a game changer; empowering you to accept your past and move forward from it.

It’s about a conscious effort to face what is facing you because what we resists, persists. What we fight, we feed; meaning, it grows in size.

The take away...

There is a purpose to your pain!

Your purpose will most likely be born from it!

Self-development isn’t always easy; it’s not all positive vibes all the time. Once you are vibrating higher, more optimistic, more healed and mentally stronger those types of folks start naturally falling away from you because your positive energy repels their negative; it is pretty amazing really.

Remember this: You are the Beauty in your struggle! If you’ll rise up to challenge of your own personal growth, you will be so happy you did! You will naturally reject negative and toxic people because you are no longer negative and toxic. These types will still lurk around and attempt to "woo" you; the mouthpiece on some men I've encountered is very convincing but when you're mindful, you notice more; you look for these red flags and gradually you get better and faster about calling "bullshit" on a faker. WARNING: THEY HATE THIS AND WILL EMOTIONALLY ATTACK.

Lastly, consider all types of rejection Godly and Universal protection. Don't let your ego make you feel unwanted or lower your standards just to have company. Learn to enjoy your own company and only allow people in alignment with your beliefs to come into close proximity. Use your alone time to work more on you; fill your cup.

Pessimistic unhealed folks are now rolling their eyes. Those that have done the work and personal growth are saying "hell yes!" Choose for yourself but I do pray that you choose YOU!

One love, Karyn Dee