#the power of good TV people. I am blown away every week but this was just. holy shit.

[imwritesometimes]

absolutely wild that I have had my entire brain re-wired and been made to cry like a hysterical bitch over a hand brush first by Pride & Prejudice (2005) and now by Shogun (2024)

[bookshop]

A correct amount of words about wang yibo

I keep trying to indoctrinate the good people of Post.news who have the misfortune to follow me into joining the Wang Yibo fandom. And that's hard to do given that this is a whole-ass sea of like white Gen X MSNBC liberals who probably only think about China as politics, but I am doing my LEVEL BEST, and the result is this absolutely enormous post about Yibo that most people reading this on Tumblr don't need to know, but which I am going to put here anyway, because I need to feel Seen.

I wish to talk about Yibo's beautiful New Year's Eve performance, but first some context.

actually no, first, a picture because isn't he lovely

Over the last four years, this has become a holiday tradition: Eagerly awaiting Wang Yibo's release of a huge song on December 30 — his only single of the year — that he then performs live on an annual New Year's Eve concert the next night. Every year, when he does this, it's a huge deal and the songs always become the bestselling single of the year on the last day of the year, which is the kind of massive flex that compels me to yell about it a lot.

So in 2019 he released "Wugan" (which he wrote) on 12/30, and it became the bestselling single of 2019. At the end of 2020 he released "Rules of My World," which he also wrote. That then became the second-bestselling single of 2020. (More on the single that beat him in a minute.)

The next year, he released his 2021 end-of-year single "Nian" completely for free, probably in response to the Qinglang restrictions I wrote about here, in which, among other things, China banned multiple mass sales.

Yibo is known primarily as an (extremely good) hip-hop dancer, so since "Nian" was more of a power anthem everyone was anticipating something more upbeat for his end-of-year song this year. Instead, Yibo surprised us all with a gorgeous love song, "Like the Sunshine" (像阳光那样)", which immediately became not only the bestselling single of 2022, but the first single to top 2 million sales in China since the CCP banned mass sales 18 months ago.

And then he paired it with this incredible modern dance performance at Dragon TV's new year's eve event.

Please watch it; he cut his hand and his feet while dancing barefoot on stage but kept performing, and this gives you such a good glimpse of what a heartfelt and mesmerizing performer he is.

What you wouldn't know just from watching this is that Yibo has rarely if ever danced modern dance before onstage, only hip-hop and other dances blending modern dance elements, but never anything like this. And yet he looks completely at home and in his element. The climax and fully the last 60 seconds show so much control and power, combined with his ability to be completely immersed in the flow and feel and emotional dynamics of of a song — which you get both from his movements and his vocal expression. He's just. So good. All the time.

It will be three years at the end of this month since I first discovered Wang Yibo, and I still feel every day like I just discovered him for the first time, because I'm continually blown away, not only by how tremendously talented and gifted he is at whatever he picks up, but by how unapologetically passionate and pure-hearted he is about loving dance and loving acting and music and racing and competition and all his geeky quirky little hobbies, about loving people and loving life.

Everyone who works with Yibo just winds up raving about about how talented he is, whether it's his acting or dedication or dancing or singing or that time he just fucking did this what the fuck, and you can see so clearly from all of this, and especially this new NYE performance, that it's not just that he's incredibly talented and skilled enough to master a totally new skill in weeks, but that he goes full-throttle in every performance, makes himself completely raw and vulnerable. Yibo eschews method acting, is arguably not neurologically suited for method acting, but instead has this wonderful ability to slip in and out of character, become whoever he's asked to become in any given moment. And when he's dancing as himself on stage, he consistently shows us his heart and his pure emotion, whatever it is.

He is just, above all things, a consummate entertainer: He prioritizes the mood and the moment of the art he's creating, and he delivers that consistently, each and every time. Case in point: let's enjoy him performing "Pick Me" for Produce 101 in 2019, when he served as dance mentor to women competing for a spot in a girl group. Every time Yibo gets asked to dance "cute" dances — and probably the reason he keeps getting asked — is that he commits to the cuteness without any posturing or machismo and just, again, lets his performance serve the dance/song without letting his ego get in the way.

Or! Or! This next song! I love this performance because it's completely inexplicable at a glance but SO fun and just, happy. What's happening here is: He's a special guest on a variety show where the object is (wait for it) to SING SONGS WHILE SPINNING ON A LITTLE SPINNY THING.

And one of the judges of this show is Da Zhangwei, who's both a well-known like, comedy/variety songwriter and Yibo's good friend (they hosted a variety show together for years). So Yibo makes a surprise appearance to perform one of Da Zhangwei's own songs, "Pop Rocks Candy," while spinning around on a little spinny thing!!!! (China!!!!)

And this should be absolutely absurd, like, cringey beyond belief, over-the-top excess, right. But because Yibo is so committed to this performance, without a hint of embarrassment, it somehow just becomes this joyous, endlessly delightful gift of Wang Yibo performing one of his friend's songs and turning it into a celebration of fun and whimsy.

OR! here he is being dragged into a silly dance battle in 2018 while filming the rom-dram Gank Your Heart. Nothing at all going on, he's just hanging with the other cast and dancing for fun, except Yibo is just so excellent that the camera eventually gives up following the other cast members and just zooms in on him. Everyone always winds up zooming in on Wang Yibo.

To return to 2020: Yibo was second in song sales that year only because the top spot went to his best friend Xiao Zhan's song "Spotlight," which was/is the biggest selling single of all time, as in, in world history, as in this song outsold both the Beatles and "White Christmas". You will assume I must be exaggerating until you click that link and learn that this is actually a well-verified fact.

The reason you have never heard "Spotlight" is because the combined impact of the CCP's isolationist tendencies and the tendency of other countries to treat China like a sealed vacuum means it's easy to ignore/write off whatever's happening in China, even while entertainers like Yibo and Xiao Zhan are making major inroads and breaking through international culture divides.

But I think that might be changing sooner rather than later, and Yibo is a big part of the reason. In Q3 of 2022 his studio, Yuehua, was preparing to go public (they eventually withdrew) basically fully on the strength of Yibo's popularity: They released an investor report claiming he was responsible for 80% of their overall revenue in 2022. (I saw a later claim that in Q4 that # jumped up to 90% overall but I couldn't find a source. I believe it, though, because YIBOOOOO.)

Yibo has three films coming out in 2022. One of them I've already discussed in this Post post (lol), without mentioning the fact that in the scenario where Born to Fly is China's version of Top Gun, Wang Yibo is Tom Cruise as Maverick. (At age 24, by the way — just a year older than Cruise when he first played the role.)

The other two are equally eye-catching. One is One and Only, a street dance movie created and scripted entirely around and for Yibo, clearly inspired by what an absolute phenomenon he has been as a captain on Street Dance of China. This movie won the Weibo award for most anticipated movie of 2022 (back when we still thought it was coming out in 2022, sob). The director stated on the awards red carpet, "If there's no Yibo, then there's no movie." Brb sobbing into my tea.

The final film drops on 1/22 and it's called Hidden Blade (previously titled Anonymous) and he stars alongside Tony Leung, YES I SAID TONY LEUNG, and it's also one of the most anticipated films of the year. And, listen, I would go a long way just to watch Tony Leung, but the trailer, along with the latest just-released poster, each make it clear that Yibo is every bit the co-star:

Sooooo this movie will probably land on the international radar — hell, it already has — and if I know Yibo, he won't be easy to overlook.

Because that's the thing, always: Eventually, no matter the context, you always wind up zooming in on Wang Yibo.

[drerin-blog1]

How to Coach Narcissistic Abuse | Recovery Series

Hi Spiritual Superstar! 

There I was, on stage in front of about 150 women, when I asked the question...

How many of you have been in a toxic relationship?

Almost every woman in the room raised their hands!

I was blown away...

Did you know that some researchers believe that as many as 9 out of 10 people have been in a codependent relationship? 

Years ago, after healing from my codependency and narcissistic abuse, I realized how insidious toxic relationships were in our culture and globally. 

So, as a coach (whether you are coaching your clients or yourself), you are going to need to understand the levels of dysfunction within a toxic relationship to be able to get radical results. 

In this week’s podcast, I am sharing the How to Coach Toxic Relationships & Narcissistic Abuse

In this episode, I'm talking about my personal story of healing and some important distinctions to help you become a powerful coach. 

What You Will Learn: 

The One Thing that finally healed my Narcissistic Abuse

How to distinguish the level of the Toxic Relationship 

How to coach any client, regardless of the label of their Dysfunctional Relationships or Narcissistic Abuse Trauma

💎 If you’re NOT already a member of Soulciété, join me for a LIVE Wednesday Breakthrough Call to discover how to make your dreams a reality and to find out more about our community. This is not a high-pressure sales pitch >>> Register Here: www.soulciete.com

WEEKLY COMMUNITY UPDATE:

This week in Soulciété, we are embodying the Universal Law of Harmony

We are beginning to showcase our community trauma healing wins on the Dr. Erin Podcast & in the E4 Book and Documentary Project - I will be discussing how you can be a part of the E4 Project at the end of our call within the community this week. 

We are getting ready for the fall Graduation Ceremony for levels 4 & 5: Spiritual Psychology Coach & E4 Trauma Method® & Spiritual Psychology Master Practitioners!

And, we are officially going to be holding LIVE Events! (TBA)

  WEEKLY TRAINING AND CERTIFICATION UPDATE:

Level 1 Spiritual Warriors: This week, we are doing E4 Trauma Method® 1:1 Coaching in our group call – transform your trauma transform your life ⚡

Level 2 Spiritual Entrepreneurs: This week, we are learning how to Launch Online – It’s time to take a quantum leap! 🚀 

Level 3 Spiritual Psychology Coach & E4 Trauma Method®: This week, we are learning Trauma Informed Coaching.

Level 4 Spiritual Psychology Master Practitioner: This week, we are diving deep into Practitioner Sessions and learning Spiritual Mind Treatment! 🤯

Level 5 NTG Teachers-Speakers-Ministers: This week, we are learning how to teach Metaphysical Mastery! ⚡

Level 6 Doctors of Divinity: Taking applications

P.S. Binge my podcast series on Money Breakthrough

P.S. If you're a member of Soulciete and you'd like to monetize referring people to our community >>> click HERE

With Love, Dr. Erin

Dr. Erin is a World-Renowned Doctor of Divinity, Founder of New Thought Global & Soulciété, Metaphysical Teacher, TV Host of Good Morning LaLa Land, Creator of E4 Trauma Method®, International Best-Selling Author, 2020 Walden Wisdom Award Next to Oprah, Self-Made Millionaire, Top-Rated Podcast, and Mother.

Her mission is to awaken a billion people globally by developing, training, and certifying accredited Spiritual Entrepreneurs, E4 Trauma Method® Coaches, Spiritual Psychology Master Coaches, Spiritual Practitioners, New Thought Teachers, and Doctors of Divinity.

Dr. Erin is committed to bridging spirituality, science, and psychology. She is forging ‘New Thought Wisdom’ in the study of Spiritual Psychology; the study of how everything is created from Source at a soul level.

“11 Most Inspirational Female Entrepreneurs To Watch On Instagram” - Forbes

www.Soulciete.com

www.DrErin.tv

Disclaimers: Earnings and income representations made by New Thought Global and Soulciete, Erin Fall Haskell, and their advertisers/sponsors are aspirational statements only of your earnings potential. See our Terms 

Transcriptions:

(00:00):

There I was on stage in front of about 150 women. When it asked the question, how many of you have been in a toxic relationship? Almost every woman in the room raised their hands. I was blown away. Did you know that some researchers suggest that as many as nine outta 10, people had been in a codependent relationship? Wow. Years ago, I was absolutely in a codependent relationship, an abusive narcissistic abusive relationship. And I'm here to say years and years later, that there are definitely things you need to know, whether you are dealing with a toxic relationship or whether your clients are in a toxic relationship, whether they're codependent or whether they're dealing with narcissistic abuse. You definitely wanna listen to this podcast. I'm gonna break on down everything from my own personal story and how it was a final one thing that healed my narcissistic abuse and how I distinguish the levels of toxic relationships. 

(01:00):

So I can understand whether I should be working with this client or referring them to intervention and how to coach any client, regardless of the label of their dysfunctional relationship or narcissistic abuse trauma. You definitely wanna listen to this. And I would suggest that you share this podcast with all of your friends that are dealing with toxic relationships. Let's do this thing. Welcome to the Dr. Erin podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma birth, your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams. Hi, I'm Dr. Erin, Dr. Divinity. I'm committed to bringing you the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I'm here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life. I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are, and I believe in you together. We're awakening the world. 

(01:57):

Hi, my soul family and community. I am super excited to be with you today to break on down how to coach narcissistic abuse, but not only that, but really how to coach anyone that is dealing with a dysfunctional relationship or toxic relationship. As stated earlier, some science is suggesting that as many as nine outta 10, people are dealing or have dealt with codependency. And so it's really important as coaches, or if you are just trying to coach yourself and trying to break through some stuff that we break this on down. So today you're going to learn the one thing that finally healed my narcissistic abuse and how to distinguish the levels of toxic relationships so that you actually can figure out, should you be working with this client, or if you are your own client, right, should you be putting yourself into an intervention, right? 

(02:48):

And then lastly, how to coach any client, regardless of the label, whatever they've been labeled, because spiritually we don't believe in labels. We believe that everyone is whole and complete of themselves and that anything that's out picturing in their life, in their dysfunctional relationships or in any kind of a label is really just the cause and effect of what we've chosen to create and all the trauma and programming and everything. So let's break this on down. So first before we begin, I just wanna say that I love you guys so much. Our community is so extraordinary. And this week in our community, we are learning and embodying the law of harmony universal law of harmony. And every week in our community, we embody one universal law. And in fact, the universal law, Oracle cards are coming out. Um, I think in a few more weeks on Amazon, I'm super excited. 

(03:39):

You guys, and also we have an accompanying book with it as well for the 52 universal laws. But so this week with the law of harmony, we're gonna break that down at the end. And I also just wanna say that I'm super excited because we are excited to have our graduations this fall in our community. And we have, of course, all of our weekly live coaching calls with myself and all of our teachers in our community. So I just wanna acknowledge our community and how amazing, how extraordinary, how just profound life changing everything is. And my life would never be the same without you guys. So I wanna say thank you. And if you're new to our community or new to this podcast, I would recommend a couple things I would begin to binge this podcast. There's series on everything from money breakthrough, to relationship, breakthrough trauma series and metaphysical series and all kinds of things. 

(04:28):

And what we found is this is a lot of people that binge this podcast end up coming into our amazing community called society. And you can check out the links below here, but let's break this on down. So how to coach narcissistic abuse, that's the title of this podcast? And the reason why is because people need to go to extremes to get real and to get coached. Okay. And my personal story, as a lot of you guys know, and I'm not gonna get into too much because my goal on these podcasts actually is to have them stay under 30 minutes, more like 20 minutes so that you can binge them, go on a little walk to whatever, get your mind right. And then move on. Right? So my story, as you guys know, probably is I was extremely codependent. I was raised by a mother who was codependent and she would be in and out of relationships up and down in her relationships, an emotional mess when it came to relationships. 

(05:22):

So that was my patterning, all my trauma, of course. And we won't get into that, but I found myself years ago in a narcissistic abusive relationship with a Grammy winning rock star. And it was, uh, the hardest master class lesson I ever had to go through in my entire life. I actually think it was harder than having a stillborn son at the age of 22. I believe it was actually harder than being date raped in high school or stumbling and falling down into spiraling, down into bulimia from 17 to 20, the actual experience of, of narcissistic abuse, which really is codependency. It's just the out picturing of the perfect, you know, experience of my own belief that I'm not worthy of love. And so here I was, years ago, I was in a very narcissistic abuse relation, abusive relationship. And there was a moment I'll never forget it. 

(06:20):

He had been on and off the wagon. He was an alcoholic drug addict, always trying to get sober. And I was in the role of, let me try and fix you and heal you and, and save this love, making the love, my higher power. And I'll never forget. One night he called me asking for me to come help him. He had fallen off the wagon and he was in a bar over on kind of the east side of Los Angeles. And I drove across the city thinking, oh my gosh, I get to actually save him. He's actually not gonna fall off the wagon. It's not gonna be this terrible thing. And I went to go pick him up and he was totally drunk. And he was obviously yelling and abusing me along the way as we drove back. And when we got back, cuz he was staying over at his mother's house. 

(07:10):

And um, he, I brought him inside, got him showered up. And then he began to go into a rage and was yelling at me and was like, no, you get outta here cuz you're gonna go through my phone and then you're gonna, you know, it's all you, you are crazy all stuff. And guess what I was, this is how my, this was my low you guys. Okay. And sure enough, I began to leave the place and right, well, as I was leaving his mother's place, his phone was sitting on the kitchen counter and I grabbed his phone and I went, let me just see what's going on here. And don't ask me how it wasn't locked or anything. But I began, I drove off, I pulled off on a side road and I literally went through his phone and I saw pictures of his, his privates, two other women. 

(08:04):

I saw about 10 different texting to 10 different women of telling them that I love you. We're gonna spend our life together. Meanwhile, I was engaged to this man and I sat there for an hour in the middle of the night with the reality. It was like the universe just like punched me in my stomach. And I saw all of the conversations, all of the sex sexing, all of the manipulation, all of the lies. And I literally wanted to throw up, I was so ill and in that moment I realized something's gonna change and it wasn't him anymore. I realized how delusional I really was. But that story, I only tell you that story because that was one of, probably 20 stories that were that intense in that. And I was so humbled by that because I had been doing my inner work for years before that I had even had clients before that. 

(09:11):

And I was so embarrassed. I literally, what happened was I ended up shutting down my entire, uh, social world because I was so I had so much shame here. I was, you know, doing all this work, doing all this spiritual work coaching and being going down this track. And yet I was still dealing with a level of it, total insanity in my life. And so what happened is, as we have shame, I began to basically get smaller and smaller and smaller in my consciousness and re and basically repel from everyone and anything. And this is the true definition of, of a dis disease is you begin to, you know, as I say, we get as sick as our secrets. So I didn't mean to go that far into that story, but I think it's important to have something that's relatable for you to know that no matter where you are, whether you are in a narcissistic abusive relationship or whether you have some toxicity and you're having some big upsets in your relationships and it's beginning to actually have some trauma, you know, triggering trauma within you and things like that, regardless of where you are. 

(10:23):

I wanna say today with such incredible honor in my heart, I am fully healed from my codependency. It's been years and years and years, so many years. Oh my gosh. And it has been such a blessing in disguise. I realize that when I look back, I realize that I chose that situation from a spiritual perspective because I decided I wanna be the greatest leader and a spiritual, you know, badass to be able to deal with anything with my clients. And I could never ever be the leader I am today without having going, gone through codependency and narcissistic abuse. So let's break this on down. So first of all, we have to distinguish, you know, and I wanna finish with my one story. The one thing that finally healed my narcissistic abuse. So of course I had to surrender and take responsibility. Okay. Absolutely. I could never, I could no longer point the finger at him. I had to re begin to realize that he was simply a projection of my own limit to beliefs of my unworthiness and my lack of understanding that I really did not believe that I was worthy of love. Okay. But that was not what fully healed me. Of course, that was the beginning. Then going into the trauma work, going into all that was imperative. Of course, that absolutely stopped the energetic cycles. 

(11:46):

But the one thing that finally healed my narcissistic abuse like experience was I realized that I still loved him that at core, after I'd done all my trauma work, after I didn't, I had neutrality around it, I would go into meditation. I would go into spiritual mind treatment and into prayer. And I would begin to communicate because there was something that wasn't fully complete for me in my heart. And I realized it wasn't until I admitted that I still loved him at some level, I would not be in a relationship with him, but there was still a part of me that had love for him. And this was the actual one thing that actually shifted the final thing for me to be able to love him fully. And I love him to this day because there was parts of that relationship that were absolutely things that I could never exper I could never explain. 

(12:43):

There was profound love there for me, whether there was for him, it doesn't matter. There was profound love for me with him. And until I admitted that I still loved him. There was still a lie. And therefore there was a separation, a division in mind, and therefore it was actually keeping me in a lie and in a limited perspective. And so when I went into the space, sent him love and also know that I couldn't be in a relationship with him. That's when I finally healed fully from my narcissistic abuse. I realized that everything he did, all the line, all the cheating, all the manipulating, all the insanity was just because he had his own abuse. He had his own traumas. He had his own insanity in his lineage and his karma and in his, you know, ancestry. Right. So I don't have to take it personal. 

(13:36):

I didn't have to take it personal anymore. I get to just love him and know the perfection of where he's at and his cause and effect of this lifetime. Okay. So this is important. And this is so important because this is how to coach somebody, you know, in our coaching program. Obviously I can't teach you everything here, but I'm gonna break on down what you really need to take a look at for yourself or for your clients to understand the level of toxic relationship you are in or your clients in so that you can decide, are you somebody that can coach somebody or do you need to help them get intervention? And so I'll never forget when I was going through my codependency, some of my friends that had gone through codependency said, you are going to be codependent and stay in this relationship as long as you need to not one day more and not one day less. 

(14:26):

And so part of the thing is this is that I realize that I needed to be in app. And the same thing with your clients, your clients may say, they're ready to be healed and they may not be ready yet. They may need to go through some, a lot more dysfunction to hit their low, to be able to finally surrender. But so if I'm working with somebody, these are some of the basic things that I wanna take a look at for what's the level of their toxic relationship. And one thing you guys need to know is this is a podcast based in what we consider spiritual psychology. I'm not a psychologist, I'm a doctor divinity. And we actually do study the soul. That is our entire thing. The doctor divinity actually, and spiritual psychology coach and everything that we train in, uh, spiritual psychology master practitioners is really diving into the actual soul, traditional psychology, um, more deals with the cause and effect and the external world and measures the trauma and measures the results of all the trauma informed stuff. 

(15:23):

Okay. From a spiritual psychology spirituality is a reality that everything comes from spirit, your true self consciousness and psychology is the study of the soul. So we are actually looking at what's actually happening within somebody when there's trauma, not what happened to them. So we don't believe in big traumas or little traumas. We look at what happened within the subconscious. What happened? What did you decide? What were the commands and limited beliefs that you decided that energetically set the patterning into your soul and tagged your epigenetics and has you have this energetic experience of narcissistic abuse or traumas or whatever the, the title might be from a psychiatrist perspective? There is what's called the N CBI, which is the national library of medicine medicine. And so we have to take a look at narcissistic personality disorder is a manmade concept. It's a manmade concept. The truth is that even my ex is a divine, spiritual being. 

(16:27):

And just like you, you are not codependent or a narcissist, right? You are, you are a divine, spiritual beam. We don't believe in labels. Um, within our work, we believe in being able to heal by self, through energetic, um, patterning and through transmuting, the energetics on the soul level, clearing out the soul. That's our core work. Okay? So if you're somebody that is dealing with a toxic relationship and you want to actually heal, you can actually come into our community. And even in our coaching accreditation, we actually have practice calls and you actually do your work and you receive the work and you witness the work it's called triads and you do all three perspectives. So you're having breakthrough expanding consciousness and becoming really profound coach around all this work in our practitioner, you are actually holding consciousness. It's a, it's a real high, high level of work where you actually can create miracles just by holding neutrality for your clients and be able to spot the limited beliefs and be able to do spiritual mind treatment, which is also called spiritual scientific prayer. 

(17:30):

Okay. So we have processes for coaching. We have trauma work E for trauma method, as you guys know why I got the 20, 20 Walden wisdom award next to Oprah Winfrey and Greg Braden and Michael Bernard Beckwith is for these processes. Okay. But you, as the coach need to distinguish, should you work with this client or not? Or if you are in the toxic relationship, do you need to get help? Okay, so let's break this on down. So when a client comes to me and they are, you know, dealing with whatever, and oftentimes people aren't coming for the relationship, sometimes they're coming to deal with relationship, but most of the time people are coming to me because they wanna monetize their spiritual gifts. They wanna get trained and everything. And this is what we found about nine outta 10 of the women and men in our community are actually dealing with co a level of codependency. 

(18:16):

And actually the one thing that's holding them back from having success in their life and beyond the actually have a successful career in spirituality is their codependency. Because when you're codependent, we know what it's like. I remember what it's like. I couldn't show up fully. I was a disaster. I was emotionally drained. I was just all the above. So how can you have success in all areas of your life? If you're still in a toxic relationship, imagine the butterfly effect of the negativity that's happening in your life because of your toxic relationships. So we need to break the sun down. So say a client comes to me, say they are trying to heal their relationship or say they are coming because they wanna make more money. Okay. It doesn't matter because the thing is in what we train in is it doesn't matter what anyone's dealing with. 

(19:05):

The same. We do the same processes, no matter who it is, no matter if I'm working with a big celebrity, no matter if I'm training somebody in the methodology, no matter if I'm dealing with somebody dealing with narcissistic abuse or if they are doing whatever the processes are exactly the same, but there are things that I'm looking for. Okay. And that's one thing as someone comes in and I discover that they are in a toxic relationship because it's gonna come up, trust me, consciousness will come forward. And they begin to talk about how they're having big upsets. Maybe they are in a narcissistic abuse, abusive relationship, or whether they are dealing with just regular toxicity. This is what I'm gonna look for. I'm going to have them recognize one thing. If they are in an environment where they are in a narcissistic abuse relationship or toxic relationship, if they're in that relationship still then, and they're getting, you know, so upset, then it is retriggering their traumas. 

(20:01):

And what we say is it's kind of like having a wound, right? So you have a scab, a wound and it's scabbing over. And every time it's about to heal, you pick off the scab and it starts bleeding again. Okay. You can't heal a client. If they're still in that environment, you can't heal somebody. If they're still in that environment, if they're not able to do their work, if they're not in an abusive narcissistic, abusive relationship. And they're just in kind of a, somewhat of a dysfunctional relationship, it's possible, it's possible in any of the areas that they could stay in that environment and heal if they really did their healing work. But I'm here to say that majority of people won't be able to, because we are habitual human beings in these bodies and in our subconscious right, we're divine spiritual beings, but we're having the experience through this particular, you know, soul, which is all the epigenetics in your lineage and all the patterning and all the programming and everything. 

(20:58):

So what I would do is this is I first discover the level of where they're at. If they're in a narcissistic abusive relationship, they most likely are probably gonna need to have daily, daily recovery calls. They're also going to need to maybe even have an intervention and get out of the environment they're in. Okay? You guys need to know that domestic violence and narcissistic abuse ruins lives. I'm gonna say that again, domestic violence and narcissistic abuse, ruins lives. It is dangerous. You guys, it's dangerous. People take their lives by suicide because of these different diseases, right? This is an extreme level of life. And I can speak from a personal level. I remember a point in time where I did not wanna live because the abuse in that relationship was so bad. It was so dysfunctional. It was so hurtful that I, I didn't even see the point in life. 

(22:03):

And, and I would never have taken my life by suicide because I have a son, but I literally was that low. So you need to know if you are dealing with narcissistic abuse, please seek medical and professional help. Okay. Our programs are for group. Okay. If somebody's in a narcissistic abusive relationship, they need one-on-ones, you can come in and hire our practitioners and our coaches for that. Okay. But you need to get some one-on-ones if you're in that of an extreme case. Okay. So if I'm dealing and the title of this podcast is how to coach narcissistic abuse. I'm gonna tell you something. I don't, I wouldn't say it's the truth. It's not an absolute truth, but from a human perspective, it is the majority. If someone truly is a narcissistic, a narcissist, they actually most likely will not get help. And the reason why is because they are so extreme in their habitual things and all their trauma, that the only way that they can actually survive is by being right. 

(23:08):

And so most narcissists will not get help. That's not saying that all narcissists will not get help, but the reality is they probably would not get help at the level. They probably go into an intervention, or most likely they're sitting in the rooms of drug addicts and alcoholics in those rooms. Okay. That's nothing bad or not to judge that. Okay. But that's just the truth, because the only way that they generally, in a general perspective from a spiritual perspective will get help, is if they go so far low in taking them out, and we are such actual good spiritual beings, that the, if we don't use our energy for good, we take our own powers away. So most of the narcissists will take their own powers away via alcohol and drugs or extreme, um, gambling, extreme porn, addiction, things like that. And they will end up actually going into rehab. 

(23:56):

That's the majority of the place. Okay. If you are in how to coach a narcissist abuse, meaning you have been abuse, you are the quote victim of this. And the reality is that you are dealing with codependency, okay. Or your client is dealing with codependency. So we have to know that that this is possible to heal, but the codependent, the only way the codependent actually heals is by realizing that they can no longer point the finger at the narcissistic abuse abuser. The only way that you or your client is going to heal and get help is if they're able to admit that they have the problem, that they are the one that needs to held, they're no longer looking to fix change or help, or, you know, crucify the narcissist. They're actually ready to take full responsibility. So if I have somebody in front of me and a, are they willing to take a hundred percent responsibility and heal themselves and not look at how they're gonna fix the situation or the person, okay, that's the number one thing the other one must have for me to coach somebody who's gone through narcissistic abuse is they need to not be in the environment or the relationship. 

(25:08):

Okay. So say they are, when they come in, then I might have an agreement. And the agreement is that in, you know, the next 30, 90 days, that if they are still getting upset and getting retried and retraumatized, that one, they will not be working with me anymore. They'll have to put their, their contract on hold or they, um, will, they will make an agreement that they will go out of their environment. They'll go stay with their family or go into intervention, whatever that is. But I will not work with somebody for more than say, I won't do it personally at all. I don't, I wouldn't do that at this point in my career. But back in the day when I did work with high celebrities, um, and addicts and things years ago, I used to work, um, doing that with some AA plus celebrities, by the way that I can't disclose, cuz I send, I, I, uh, signed NDAs when I did it, but a plus big, huge, huge celebrities. 

(26:04):

Okay. Um, and the point is, this is that I wouldn't work with somebody dealing with an active addiction at this point because I, I train in group, but we do have practitioners that will and coaches that will. So if you are somebody who is a coach, you would already know this. Cuz I train all of our coaches on what they, how to deal with somebody that's dealing with narcissistic abuse or not. So obviously narcissistic abuse looks like this, right? Somebody who's manipulating somebody who is lying, somebody who's in fantasy. So one of the things I realized when I was in that narcissistic abuse relationship that I was like, trying to figure it out. I was like Googling, like what is a narcissist? What is borderline? What is a bipolar, what is going on? He didn't understand what was going on. And for my ex, he kind of fell into a, a bunch of the categories. 

(26:53):

He was absolutely narcissistic in that he would manipulate and do whatever it took for him to get wherever he needed in his career, in his relationships, whatever it is that he wanted, he would figure out a way to get it. And it didn't matter if someone got hurt, harmed, you know, did anything. Um, he would do whatever it took for him to get whatever he needed. Okay. He was also somewhat borderline in that he would, he had no identity. Like his identity was in his rock star role. He had no identity. In fact, he would just get attached to the next project, the next person. And that is what he would get excited about. He couldn't get excited with just being with himself. He had to actually morph into whatever the project was, whatever the person was for him to even have an identity. And when he'd be in one side of the identity, he would make the other project or people wrong because he was also afraid of life. 

(27:44):

Cuz he had so much trauma, right? He was also what we'd call a, you know, a bipolar and we don't do any of these labels spiritually, but from a traditional psychologist, psychiatry world, you would label him all these things. Okay. He was also borderline. He would, I mean he would also bipolar. He would get really, really depressed and go into his addiction and then he'd come out of his addiction. He'd get, you know, start getting sober and he would get actually high on life. So high on life that he'd have so much energy and he'd wind himself up so tight that he would again, snap into his, falling into the demise of, of his addiction and falling all the way back to the bottom. And it was like a big up, a big down, a big up, a big down. Okay. So these are all the distinctions and inside of our coaching, we're gonna dive way, way more into all the, um, trauma informed work, doing all the processes, how to distinguish these things further and further. 

(28:40):

But today to just complete the cycle, how to coach narcissistic abuse, you've got to first discover. What's the level of abuse. What's the level of toxicity in you or your client. You've gotta make that distinction so you can decide, is this something that can even be helped if they're still in the environment, they generally cannot be coached until they're out of that environment because they're just getting retraumatized and retried all the time. And then what is the answer? How do you actually deal with somebody when they're ready to heal? When they're not in the environment anymore, they're ready to do their work. And it's absolutely a hundred percent trauma trauma trauma E four trauma method. For sure. Getting all the energetics clearing out all the, I had total PTSD after it. Right? Doing all the PTSD work again. If you have extreme PTSD, please go seek medical help first to make sure you're okay. 

(29:30):

Okay. All that stuff. So they want to be able to, you wanna coach through E four trauma work you wanna coach and getting all clearing out all the soul, all the energetics and clearing off, off all those tags on their epigenetic DNA so that the client can become neutral and become cause over their life and no longer needing to have some perpetrator come in their life for them to keep having the identity of I'm not enough. I'm a victim. Something's wrong with me. All that stuff. Okay. And in this, I hope that you got something out of this. May you share this with your friends so that you can all heal together and have more, more wisdom and knowledge to know that you are divine, spiritual being, let's take a deep breath in together in the nose, exhaling out, doing a spiritual mind treatment, expanding our consciousness into the one divine consciousness, your highest consciousness, the consciousness. 

(30:19):

That absolutely is one with everything. It's one with that narcissistic abuser. It's one with all of it. It's here to say, I'm here to reveal the truth. I know no matter what you've gone through, no matter what upsets and breakups and manipulations and all the insanity, I know no matter what has gone through whatever your past is, whatever your your traumas are. I know that right now, right here, you have the ability to heal by self. You have the ability to become unrecognizable. You're here to become the highest version of yourself. And in this I know no matter what's happened that you are the creator. You're one with the creator, the force within you, the source within you is the same source that lives and breathes in everything. That is the one source that's created all of life. And in this field coming into that neutrality, I release all discord and I say, thank you suffering. 

(31:17):

Thank you, abuser. Thank you all that. Because without my narcissistic abuser, I would never be the woman that I am. The leader that I am today. Thank you for being my teacher. Thank you for being my guru. Thank you for leading me cuz I know love is the way. And the love always is the teacher love is a teacher. Maybe we know that we are love that we can never seek love out there. That we're the one that we've been waiting for. We are the love of our life because when we fully love our life, we fully love ourselves. We're able to love another. When we see ourselves unconditionally in love, we're able to unconditionally love another. And in this I'm knowing profound healing of codependency, of, of narcissistic abuse, of toxic relationships, of all of those things, all the relationship goals that we have in this spiritual psychology and in knowing the truth of our one divine love. 

(32:05):

And in this I say, yes, yes, yes. To you healing and knowing the truth as together we say. And so it is amazing. You guys, okay? If you're all not, not already in our community, there's a couple things you can do. Number one, you can go right below here. There's links into our free community on Facebook. There's also all, uh, you can come binge all the different podcasts in here so you can get your mind, right? And then also you can come into a Wednesday call right now, I'm doing a call. Um, if it's not Wednesday, it'll be on the website. If you go to soul society.com, S O U L C I E T e.com. It's right below here. Also we update that link. So even if I'm not doing a Wednesday breakthrough call, wherever, wherever I am live, cause I always have live events for free for people to discover breakthrough and discover more about our community. 

(32:52):

We do not do high pressure sales. But what we do is we're gonna really help you get clear of what your goals are and what it's really gonna take to get there from a spiritual perspective from, from doing all your inner work and from whatever it is. If you wanna monetize your spiritual gifts, we work with people that don't wanna turn their love for spirituality into a career. We work with all different dynamics of people doing their spiritual awakening and transformational work. And so I will see you there hopefully on Wednesday. Be amazing to get to know you dive deep and let's do this thing. Okay. Have you beautiful day have bless. And Hey, if you've listened to this podcast and you have not already subscribed and given a review, do it, come on, you gotta give back girl and guy seriously do it. Okay. I love you guys have a beautiful blessed day and may you live your truth?

New top spiritual podcast episode!

[let-it-raines]

For catch me if you can, I'd really love to see something about them having a second kid since I know you mentioned it before. Maybe something about how Emma's pregnancy is different now that Killian's retired! Thank you for all of your wonderful words!!!!!!

I am forever and always amazed by the love and support that the Catch Me If You Can universe receives, and I love that you guys let me get these words out of my head and onto the page...or the screen. 

So here’s just a day in the life for these two that definitely alludes to some things that happen in their future!

on ao3 | here | if that’s more your jam. 

-/-

July 2025

Killian doesn’t know what to do with himself.

He’s cleaned the house. Every damn floor. That includes dusting the shutters and scrubbing the baseboards and running the vacuum twice before cleaning all of the hardwood and tile.

All of the beds are made, which is not an easy feat for how many pillows Emma likes to put on their bed, and all of Jace’s toys are in their containers. Killian knows that they’ll all be dumped out later, probably as soon as Jace wakes up from his nap, but it’s nice for once to not be worried about stepping on something and for his living room to not be a disaster.

Jace is one of the best things to ever happen to him, but Killian is still not used to how everything is beyond messy all of the time.

But not now.

Though, if it was still messy, at least he’d have something to do.

He’s cleaned the house, worked out, paid bills, set out chicken to defrost for dinner, and now, all he has to do is watch the game.

That’s not necessarily what he wants to be doing right now.

Not when he’s not the one on the mound or in the dugout and not when he still recognizes over half the faces in Yankees uniforms.

He could still be playing. He could. His arm hasn’t hurt in awhile, but that’s because he hasn’t been pitching several days a week and doing training and playing games. He has given his body the rest it needs, but damn if he doesn’t still ache.

It was his decision. He wanted it. It’s for the best.

Watching this season, though, not having any kind of regular job or connection or part of the team, is fucking weird.

But he watches because he loves the game and loves Will and Eric and Robin and all of the other guys on the team.

He watches because he likes to listen to his wife kick ass as a commentator.

She does every single time. Sighing, Killian puts the vacuum on its dock in the closet and then walks over into the living room, plopping down on the couch and turning the volume up. They’re in the bottom of the sixth, the Yankees are winning, and he hears Emma telling some story about Will that he knows is one of the age-old tales that publicists feed commentators so they have something to say to fill dead air-time.

Emma hates having to use those, but she tries not to let too much of her own personal connection with the players in.

That doesn’t really work when fifty percent of what she’s asked about has to do with him. She says it doesn’t bother her, that she’s proud to be his wife and to get to tell stories of all of her seasons with him, but there’s this small part of him that will always hate whenever anyone makes her career about him. They’re intertwined, yes, but Emma has always stood out.

His phone rings in his lap, and Killian slides his finger across the screen.

“Hey, A.”

“Hey,” Ariel says, “did you get any of my emails today?”

“I haven’t checked. Why? What’s up?”

“I sent you some stuff about interviews. Fallon and Meyers both want you on. GMA and Kelly and Ryan want you and Emma on.”

“For what? We’re not promoting anything, and you know we’re keeping Emma away from as many cameras as possible.”

“She’s literally on TV right now.”

“You know they only shoot from the shoulders up most of the time, unless it’s a rain delay or something.”

“They can do that on these shows.”

“With all of the crew that’s on those sets?” Killian clicks his tongue and stretches his arms above his head. “I don’t know. I have to talk to Emma. Why do they want us on, again?”

“It seems the two of you have become very popular on the internet because of a Buzzfeed article.”

“What the hell?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know it’s weird, but it’s one of those where they talk about reasons to watch sports, and then they list a bunch of attractive athletes. You’re on the list, and the author attached a link or whatever to some article about you, Emma, and Jace. It’s kind of blown up into its own thing. How have you not seen it?”

“Woah, woah, woah, do these people not realize I’m retired? They can’t watch me play unless they want to watch old games.”

“You’re literally missing the entire point.”

“No, I got it, A.”

“So will you do the shows?”

“Eh,” he groans, running his hand through his hair, “that sounds a little too gimmicky to me, especially the morning show ones, and I told you I have to run it by Emma before I let you run with it.”

“Look, I get it,” Ariel sighs, and he has a feeling she’s about to do some of her famous convincing. “You’re a manager’s dream, Killian Jones, but you’re also my worst nightmare. I know you don’t like actually saying it, even though you just did, but you’re retired now. You’re going to have money coming in forever no matter what, but it wouldn’t help to grease the wheels a little bit, keep your star power alive while you stay under the radar figuring out the next big thing for you. I’m just saying that this could be good for the both of you. I’ll even make it so that the questions can’t be too invasive.”

“How are they not going to be invasive? They’re literally asking about my personal life. That’s why they want me on the shows.”

“I have my magic ways.”

Killian groans and leans back on the couch, running his hands through his hair and pinching his nose. “We’re keeping this pregnancy quiet as long as possibly can. The only way either of us would possibly agree to it is careful camera angles and no mention of the pregnancy.”

“How would they mention the pregnancy if they don’t know about it?”

“Well, someone could see. Look, I don’t know. I’ll run it by Emma tonight, okay?”

Ariel’s sigh is deep on the other end of the phone, and he knows that she gets it, even if she’s exasperated with him. It’s been happening a lot more lately with her trying to learn to manage him when he’s not always in the clubhouse or on the plane, and the adjustment period is still new.

All of this is.

“She’s going to say no.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know the two of you, I do. Is there any way I could convince you to do it, just you?”

Killian chuckles and rolls his eyes. He wouldn’t be opposed to going on a few late night shows. Those were always a good time. He’s just not going to have his life be put on a public platter without talking to his wife first. “Bye, A. Go bother your husband.”

“He’s kind of in the middle of a game right now in case you haven’t noticed.”

“I’m sure you can still find a way to bother him.”

She scoffs. “I will hear from you by the morning, you asshole. Goodbye.”

And then the line goes dead.

Bloody frustrating woman.

Emma’s voice echoes from the television, and Killian turns his attention back to the game. From all accounts, this seems like any other run of the mill game where everything has been average. It’s not a blow out, there aren’t any spectacular plays, and it’d be a good game to put on for a nap.

Maybe that’s what he should be doing with his free time.

He should have done that earlier, though, because he knows that Jace will be up soon.

“My husband won three World Series in what a lot of people consider a very short career for a pitcher. I don’t think you can say that’s normal. There’s only a handful of men born in the last few decades that can say that, actually.”

“Of course,” Isaac adds, “but with the way you say it, you act as if he won all of those on his own.”

Oh fucking hell. Isaac and James need to go to another team or another network. Killian’s never listened to them much since he used to watch games on mute, but damn, it’s like they don’t know how to talk positively about anyone. Is that what viewers want?

“I have never once said that,” Emma corrects, tense. “It’s always been a team effort. The starting pitcher doesn’t even play the entire game, but you implied that my husband was a mediocre player when he was anything but. Of course, he had help. Will Scarlet, for instance, helped Killian in every game. These teams are like puzzles, and you have to have all of the pieces to get the end goal. But, I mean, damn, can we go one game without you interrogating me on Killian’s stats? He was a damn good player, and nothing is going to change that.”

“You don’t have to get so emotional about it. I’m simply doing my job.”

Fuck you, Isaac.

“Alright,” Emma sighs, the camera now showing them in the booth. She’s smiling, and to the rest of the world, she looks like she always does, but there’s a tightness in the tug of her lips that he doesn’t like. “Let’s look at a play of the game presented by Chase.”

And then the screen cuts to a double play from earlier, and Killian mutes the television and stands up. What just happened isn’t going to go over well with the network, and he already knows Emma isn’t going to be home late.

Killian sighs and walks upstairs until he gets to Jace’s room. Jace is standing up in his crib trying to climb over it, and when he looks up and sees Killian, he plops back down and pretends that he wasn’t just trying to do some kind of Mission Impossible escape. They’ve got to think about moving the kid to a bed soon. All of the books say he needs to be a little older, but Killian thinks Jace might be ready.

He and Emma likely are not.

“What are you doing there, lad?” Killian laughs, leaning against the doorframe.

“Sleeping.”

“With your eyes open?”

Jace giggles and closes his eyes, cheesing like he does every time Emma tries to get him to pose for a picture. The blue of his eyes disappears into thin lines. “We play ball?”

“How are you going to play ball with your eyes closed?”

One eye slowly opens before the other joins in. “I play baseball.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Killian sighs, walking into the room and reaching into the crib to grab Jace, kissing his cheek before brushing his curls off his forehead. “We will go and play baseball, and then we’re going to cook some dinner for Mommy. Does that sound good? Dinner?”

“Pizza?”

“No, lad, not pizza. We can have some chicken though.”

Jace pouts.

“Yeah, I know. Pizza is better than chicken, but it’s all about balance, my boy.”

Killian and Jace go through their post naptime routine before Killian grabs the soft baseball they use with him and they walk out to their back patio. They have a little bit of green space back here, would have more if Killian would take the time to landscape and reorganize their furniture, and the thought has him making a mental checklist of that being his project for tomorrow.

Scratch that. Today is the end of the series, and Emma will be home for the next few days without having to go into the office or into the stadium. They could do it together, but he told her they’d have a day where they do absolutely nothing.

He intends to stick to that promise even if it’s nearly impossible for him to sit still.

He plays catch with Jace, which mostly consists of Jace tossing the ball up at such an angle that it immediately hits the ground and then drops dead. It’s that over and over again, but this tires the kid out and is something he genuinely enjoys. Killian will do absolutely anything in the world to make his son smile, and if that means chasing after a ball for an hour, he’ll do it.

That also means that when Jace gets exhausted while Killian is cooking dinner that he’ll deal with the meltdown and try to calmly explain to a toddler that it’s okay that the blue marker isn’t anywhere to be found because he can color with all of the others.

That doesn’t really fly when all he wants is a blue marker.

Obviously, he’s really knocking this whole dad thing out of the park.

The alert on Killian’s phone goes off, and he pulls up the camera to see Emma pulling into the garage. He opens his mouth, about to tell Jace that Emma’s home, but he decides to let it be a surprise. Maybe that way the kid will get out of his funk for a moment and be happier.

Or he’ll have a meltdown in front of Emma.

At this point it’s really a guessing game.

In a few minutes, Killian hears the sound of her footsteps on the stairs, and then she’s rounding the corner and moving into the kitchen. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, loose pieces around the front framing her face, and she’s not wearing any shoes. When she left the house today she was in heels and her hair was cascading down her back in waves, and if he couldn’t see the bags under her eyes and see the tightness in her smile, he’d know she was tired from her change in attire.

“Mommy,” Jace squeals when he looks up and sees her. Killian steps away from the salad he’s fixing and helps Jace down, and then he’s running toward Emma and waiting for her to pick him up. “Hi.”

“Hi, baby,” she sighs, kissing his cheek and brushing his curls back. “I missed you. Did you and Daddy have a good day?”

He eagerly nods his head, and Killian lets out a little sigh of relief. Maybe he’s not fucking this whole parenting thing up as much as he constantly thinks he is.

He’s not Brennan. He’s never going to be Brennan. But damn if he doesn’t still think he’s going to find other ways to screw his kids up.

Killian goes back to cutting up strawberries and Emma and Jace talk, and before he knows it, she’s walking over to him. He twists his head in anticipation, and Emma brushes her lips over the corner of his mouth before managing to plant a firmer kiss.

“Hi.”

“Hi. How was your day?”

She rolls her eyes. “I’ll tell you about it later. What are we having for dinner?”

“The Italian chicken and some salad. I can pop some bread in the oven if you want me to.”

“I really need the carbs.”

“Then bread it is.”

“Thank you,” she sighs before adjusting Jace on her hip and then setting him back down on the barstool. “Look at this beautiful drawing. You know, I found a blue marker in my purse today. I think it might belong to you.”

Emma Jones, always saving the day.

They eat dinner, exchanging their normal small pleasantries, talking about their days without really talking about them. It’s not unusual for Emma to still take awhile to figure out how she wants to phrase things and open up about them, but it’s been awhile since it’s been like this, especially because he knows she didn’t have a good day.

Maybe she doesn’t want them to have to talk in front of Jace.

So they don’t.

They eat and do the dishes and then settle down in front of the television. Jace will only watch the Trolls movie at the moment. It doesn’t matter what iteration, as long as it’s got brightly colored singing creatures in it, and Killian tries to pay attention. He really does. But he’s distracted by a group text with the team as they discuss dinner plans for tomorrow on their day off. He’s still included in the group, even when most of it doesn’t pertain to him anymore, and he gets caught up trying to convince them to all go for pizza since Jace mentioned it earlier and it sounds damn good. He doesn’t need to be eating that, but for all that he still works out, he might deserve it.

Emma will definitely want it.

Or maybe not. He’s not sure when food is going to repulse her or not.

“Hey, sweetheart, do you – ”

Killian looks up from his phone, and he sees that Emma’s slumped down into the couch cushions, her chest rising and falling, and she and Jace are asleep.

She’s going to kill her neck if she falls asleep like that.

“Love,” he whispers, nudging her until her eyes blink open. “Hey, let me have Jace, and I’ll put him to bed. You can go upstairs, yeah?”

She nods and helps get Jace off of her until he’s in Killian’s arms and Emma is sleepily walking upstairs. He follows, turning for Jace’s room while Emma heads to theirs, and even though it only takes him five minutes to get Jace down, Emma is already in bed when he makes it to their bedroom.

Silently, he crawls onto the mattress, raising the comforter and settling underneath it as he inches closer to Emma until her back is pressed into his chest and her feet are tucked between his calves. She’s got socks on, thankfully, so it’s not like there’s ice against is skin for once. Emma sighs back into him, reaching back and grabbing his arm to wrap it around the slight roundness of her stomach. It’s a feeling he’s not quite used to yet, but it’s something he’s searched for since the moment Emma’s test came back positive.

This time he feels much more prepared, like he knows far more than any book or class can teach him, but it doesn’t stop the ache in the pit of his stomach the contradicts the warmness of his heart.

Killian sighs and presses his lips to the side of Emma’s neck while his fingers trace against her stomach, his hand moving until he can maneuver himself under her shirt and feel the heat of her skin.

Emma places her hand over his, squeezing, and for awhile, he waits for her to speak, for her to set the pace and unfurl what’s on her mind.

As her breathing evens, he’s not sure that time will ever come.

“I am so tired,” she finally whispers. “I am tired down to my bones and keep waiting for that fucking second trimester energy to start, but it hasn’t. So I’m tired but I get up anyway because I have things to do here and a job, which I swear is sucking my soul out of me.”

“What happened, love?”

“Did you watch the game?”

“Bits and pieces, but I heard enough.”

She scoots back, more firmly pressing herself into him, and her hair tickles his nose, the scent of her shampoo surrounding him.

“Was I wrong to want to do this? Should I have stayed where I was? I had so much more control there. Yeah, I was basically just the pretty face they used for men to stare at, but I had a say in what I said and who I worked with. When people hated me, I didn’t have to hear about it because I wasn’t sitting in the booth next to them. How long am I just going to be the woman who doesn’t belong? The woman who is only there because of who her husband is? And I just know it’s going to go over fantastic when I finally tell everyone I’m pregnant. I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to hide it from anyone but Jace soon.”

Killian swallows and strokes her stomach as he kisses her neck again. He doesn’t know how to make this better. He never has.

“You got that job without me. You know that, right? You already had your foot in the door.”

“Killian, I know, but no one has ever seen me that way. I might as well be a star on the Real Housewives of New York.”

“That would technically be me in this situation.”

Emma laughs, and God, that’s a good sound to hear. “Ah, yes, I hear quite a lot about you being the one who is at home with our kid. It’s almost like you’re a dad.”

“Shocker, isn’t it? A dad spending time with his kid? Raising him? Being there?”

“It’s revolutionary,” she chuckles, turning and twisting around until she’s facing him and her nose is brushing against his. “I know I got the job on my own. I know I’m smart and capable and a damn badass, even if saying that makes me a little less of one. But sometimes I just wish that things were a little easier, that I worked with people I liked again. Babe, I think I would do horrible things to have you in that booth with me.”

“Hmm?”

“I mean, would it be so crazy?” She runs her hands up his side until she’s caressing one side of his face, nails curling back into his hair. “We’ve talked about it before. You expressed interest in it. And come on, I know you love staying home with Jace, but you can’t tell me you’re not itching to be doing something else.”

“Well, Ariel did call and ask if we’d go on several talk shows today.”

Her brows pinch together. “Why?”

“Apparently there was some list about attractive baseball players – ”

“Did that stroke your ego?”

“Eh, maybe a little,” he teases, kissing her nose. “But it’s something about the two of us now being in the spotlight again and a few people had reached out to her. I said I’d ask you, but I figured the answer would be no. Then today happened, and I knew it would.”

“Yeah, I’m not doing anything extra. You can go if you want.”

“I might like it, depending on what they ask and who the other guests are. Maybe I can go on one of the shows and see if they’re doing a cooking segment that day.”

“Oh, can you bring me back food?”

“Yeah, Swan, I can.” Her eyes flutter closed and Killian leans back a bit. “I will think about it, okay?”

“About what?”

“Seeing if the network would have any interest in me working with you. Not this year, I think. I want to be home with Jace and whoever this new little one is as much as I can. And Ariel has me doing events and still working with charities, and most weeks, I’m busy enough. I mean, today I was bored out of my mind, but I think working with you would be bloody wonderful. That way we’d be on a similar schedule and still have time for our family. And I guess it could keep me connected to the game, since I still haven’t quite figured out how I wanted to do that.”

“Whatever makes you happy,” Emma promises opening her eyes. “Don’t do it for me, yeah?”

“Emma – ”

“No, I’m serious, don’t do it for me. I only want it to be something you want. Killian, if you want to spend the rest of your life knitting with a group of old women, you can do that. Your career has allowed us that, but if you want to stay in this world of baseball, we can find a way for that.”

Killian blinks, swallowing the lump in his throat as his hand brushes over Emma’s hip, holding her close to him. “Are you happy, sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” she whispers, “I am. I’m also still exhausted. I think I’ll have to conquer sexism in sports tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow is your day off.”

“Then the next day then.” She pats his cheek and dips her head down to lightly brush her mouth of his, a feeling as familiar as anything else in the world. “I love you, Jones. Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For being there for me, no matter what. I have a lot of people who are like that for me now, but I haven’t always. I mean, you know. You get it.”

“Aye, I do.” Killian hugs her closer and feels her stomach press against his. It won’t be so small soon and so much will change, but for right here and right now, that’s a worry for another day. “Thank you for being that person for me, Emma. Are you ready to go to sleep? Or would you be up for some brownies I made earlier?”

“I would be up for you bringing me some brownies in bed.”

“You’re going to get crumbs on the sheets.”

“It’ll be worth it.” She kisses him again, this time slower, softer. “I’ll do the laundry.”

Killian lets out a low whistle. “You really know how to convince a man.”

-/-

-/-

@mrtinski @bluewildcatfanatic @killianswannn @sherifemma @onepunintendid @authorarsinoe @stunningswan @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @galadriel26 @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury @superchocovian @sals86 @iam2307 @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings @carpedzem @tornadoamy @captainkillianswanjones

[h2ojustaddmako]

My Thoughts After Re-Watching Season 2

Hiya everybody. Sorry for the long times between posts. Working two jobs and keeping a social life, while also trying to sleep, eat healthy and get hydrated is taking a toll on this account. Bright side is, that because of the whole Corona situation, I might spend a lot of time home soon. So head-up, another headcanon/theory is coming this week, but just to break the hiatus, I decided to write today.

Every now and then, I decide to re-watch one of the three seasons of the show, just so I could have something to fill my time. So, recently I decided to watch season 2 again, and, as I like, pick up on some details, ideas or thoughts I didn’t get during previous binges. I’ve watched this season, like the others, around four or five times now since release, maybe more - and yet I’m still genuinely surprised at the things I notice or realize every time. So I figured I might turn it into a list of the good, the bad, and the plain interesting.

This list is in no particular order, I just write my thoughts as they go.

1. I am still BLOWN AWAY by how good the writing is on this show. It may not be an Oscar-winning script, but for a teen show of the early 2000′s it’s amazingly deep and well thought of, from every angle. That what makes my theories so fun to make, because they planted so much information throughout the shows that I genuinely enjoy picking out details and information from it.

2. To go into more depth, I really enjoyed all the different storylines they brought in throughout the 26 episodes. Look, twenty-six episodes is a lot for a TV series. Most shows release around 10, since long storylines are hard to follow and are easy to get messy. But while they added so many side stories (Max and the original mermaids, Ash and Emma, Cleo and Lewis’ breakup and Charlotte getting in between),. each of these stories merged with the main plot so well, and actually added depth to the story, making it more complicated for the characters, and more interactive for the viewer.

3. While the main focus for the season was the Cleo-Lewis-Charlotte  relationship, both Emma and Rikki had their romantic paths taken as well. But unlike season 1, where the couples fought for screen time, this time those relationships were put to the side in favour of the main plot, which made them more slow-paced and interesting to watch. I enjoyed the fact that Emma and Ash stayed in the dark throughout the entire season, and that Zane only appeared when he was needed. Both are good characters, but not needed every time.

4. On the other hand, Cleo and Lewis’ relationship was handled very maturely all through the season. From when they dated, through the post-breakup, and all the way to managing being friends, the relationship was very well looked into and explored.

5. Might be a side thing, but I loved that Ash was actually figuring out something was off about Emma. One of my favourite lines by him was, “You realize none of this is natural. But you already knew that.” (Ep. 26) Mostly in shows like these, the character either never questions the weird occurrences around them, or the curiosity fuel the storyline (like Zane in season 1). The writer really wrote out of pure logic and not out of plot requirements, and I dig that little detail.

6. This one is felt throughout the entire show, but was most dominant during this one. The show is not about mermaids at all. This is written as a show about three girls and their coming of age process, and the things they have to deal with, one of them being turned into mermaids. But it’s far from being the only problem these girls have, and it’s showing when some episodes really struggle to squeeze in scenes of the girls in their tails for pure rating, even when the plot is not in need of any mermaid action. The girls have a very full and normal lifestyle aside from being mermaids. They go out, go shopping, have other friends, work, study and fail, deal with personal issues at home or with partners. The tails are just another part of their lives and I love it.

7. Episode 23 is a turning point for Charlotte’s character arch. I’ve spoken greatly before about how I feel like Charlotte is seen in our minds as the “bad guy” while she was a nice character most of her time on the show. And she was! Up until episode 23 when was never trying to hurt the girls. She may have acted out of jealousy before towards Cleo, but she was insecure and worried about her boyfriend. What should she think when her boyfriend spends a whole lot of time with his ex and fails to explain to her exactly why? The show did a great job showing the point of both sides in the argument between the girls and Charlotte, and showed the entire process of how their relationship turned into what it was.  A lot of ego, assumptions, and false worries, and a lot of unfortunate events. Episode 23 was really a turning point because that’s where both sides of the fight were really right in different ways, things that led Charlotte to want to go on her own, and the girls to stay away from her. Charlotte acted the way she did because she felt like the girls were treating her badly (which she was wrong about sometimes, but they too hold the blame, mostly Rikki). From episode 24 and on, she started acting as the “bad guy” the show built her to be, and even then I can see her side. But enough on that.

8. Lewis is hot. Idk what’s up with Charlotte’s eyebrows.

9. One thing that feels off every time is how quickly Lewis started dating Charlotte. I don’t blame a guy for moving on quickly, I do find it weird that during the post-breakup from Cleo, he not only protected Cleo’s respect and jealousy by not flirting with any other girl, but also didn’t really seem like he was into Charlotte at all. She was a good friend at the beginning, then Cleo got in the middle, and for some reason, Charlotte did her best to rub it in Cleo’s face that she wants Lewis. But he never, for once, showed interest back until Cleo gave him permission to move on, and all of a sudden they’re dating. What I'm saying is that Lewis never seemed to like Charlotte romantically, like she liked him. So that was weird, they just never felt right together.

10. The reason Charlotte mastered her powers so quickly, at least in my eyes, is because that a) she had the girls to explain her at least the basics, and b) she didn’t put herself into a box of ‘this is what I was given’, bc she wanted to be better than Cleo at every cost. Her will power helped her master her powers. While the girls dealt with learning their boundaries and abilities and adjusting into the new life they got, Charlotte learned about mermaids before her transformation and knew what she was getting into.

11. The show never shied away from real-life issues, that may be considered inappropriate or harsh to the audiences the show is targeted at. Handling with divorce (and the outcomes of it!) and parents starting dating again (true story, Cleo’s way to handle with Sam’s introduction into her father’s life helped me cope when my mother started dating men a couple of years ago), while also showing signs of LGBT references (Nate mentioned people think Lewis is gay, in other words) or even sexual harassment and consent (both when Rikki was mad at Zane for kissing her against her will, and when Ash’s apology to Emma when he believed Lewis thought he was trying to have sex with her/spy on her showering, which to remind y’all, she was 16 while he was 18). It’s so brief I never noticed it before, but once I did, it was hard to miss.

12. And lastly, I just love how this show treats science. So much real life and true scientific information is included in the lines of the story, mainly by Lewis, but also by other characters like Will, Cleo, Lowrey, Max and Dr. Denman. When they wrote the entire base to what mermaids are and how they exist, they didn’t care it was a show for goddamn 9-year-olds, and that what makes it so interesting. If you’re not into science, let me tell you that every scientific blurb or word you hear on the show is 100%% real and makes sense within its context. From talking about marine biology, to referring to mermaids groups ‘pods’ (which is a group of marine mammals in scientific terms), to the science of “magic” and mermaids as a whole, the show knows what it’s doing is within the realms of possibility from a scientific point of view, meaning none of it is real, but it could be, in another life.

Anyways, if you have anything else to add, feel free! This is your list as it is mine. I just really love this show and I wish people appreciated it the same way we do. When I tell people I like this show they remember it as just another kids TV show, and it’s so much more than that.

Hope you’re having a great day, be safe, and wash your hands (just not in front fo people, keep the secret safe!)

Until next time, maybe not as far as you think. xx

[hockeylvr59]

What Ifs, Part 2 || Jeff Skinner

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: And I am back on my Skinner bs after seeing him play live this weekend. Enjoy part two which has been a year in the making. 

Warnings: um some playful sexual innuendo/cursing, alcohol consumption. 

Word Count: 2,546

_____________________

As you’d expected...your chance encounter and beach ‘date’ with Jeff had led to a million questions by your family, questions that for the most part, you didn’t have answers to. What you hadn’t expected to come from it all was regular contact, let alone a budding friendship. Yet, you were reminded of it all on a daily basis as texts from Jeff filtered into your phone. As the summer progressed, he’d send clips of his training or comments about how his sisters were driving him crazy and how he needed backup to handle them. 

By the time school was starting back up, in mid-August, you’d started having at a minimum a weekly conversation with Jeff. And if you were honest there was nothing you loved more than hearing him laugh as he told stories about his preparations for the upcoming season. It was crazy that you’d spent one afternoon with him and yet you found yourself missing his touch, his scent, and his attention in general. 

You’d been talking about your university’s football season and trying to get to as many home games as possible when Jeff suddenly stopped you, his excited tone of voice exclaiming that he had a fantastic idea. 

“I should come visit you and you can take me to a game…” His words were rushed and it took a moment for your brain to process them. 

“You really want to come here?” You found yourself asking, once again blown away at the fact that Jeff considered you a friend, and not just a friend but that kind of friend that you would cross state lines to visit just out of the blue. 

“Of course I do!” He exclaimed. “I won’t really have the chance to make a trip once the season starts so this would be perfect. I can spend time with you and you can teach me about your school’s football team.” 

With Jeff’s mind totally made up, plans were made in short order for Jeff to come down in less than a month. You didn’t have classes on Friday’s so he’d come down late Thursday so that you could go do something on Friday before the football game on Saturday and he’d leave Monday morning, taking in all of the time that he could without distracting you from your own priorities too much. 

In the week leading up to Jeff’s arrival, you worked not only to secure him a student guest ticket but also to get all of your classwork done so that there wasn’t anything to keep you from enjoying his visit. By the time he arrived Thursday evening, you were practically bouncing with the excitement of seeing him again, your body filled with more emotions than you could dissect. When his arms finally wrapped around you tightly in a hug, it was like everything was right in the world again and you clung to him for far longer than was probably necessary. 

Thursday evening was spent simply, curled up on the couch, tucked into Jeff’s side while a movie played on your tv. By the end of it, your head was resting in his lap and his fingers were carding gently through your hair, putting you to sleep. You’d insisted that Jeff didn’t need to pay for a hotel, that you could sleep on the couch and he could have your bed. He was too much of a gentleman for that though and so after bickering for a moment, the compromise was made that you were both adults that could share a bed. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d slept so well.

Friday was spent showing Jeff around your college town, pointing out your favorite hang-outs, the best restaurants, which buildings you’d had classes in and stories about the campus’s history. He’d insisted on trying one of the restaurants and swore he’d pout if you even attempted to fight him about paying for the meal. A pouty Jeff, while adorable, was the last thing you wanted so needless to say you didn’t put up a fight. 

With a 1pm kickoff Saturday morning, you were pulling Jeff out of bed shortly before 8am, giggling as he groaned and protested getting up so early. Still...there was tailgating to be done so you insisted, retreating to the bathroom to get yourself dressed before returning to find Jeff tugging a t-shirt with your school’s logo on. 

“When did you get that?” You inquired, secretly touched that he’d go to the effort to fit in and support the school that you attended and loved. His answer had been a casual ‘after we made plans’ that merely left you nodding as you grabbed your phone and headed to the kitchen to find something to eat. Within a half-hour, you were in the section of the parking lot belonging to your program’s tailgate with some wine coolers and beer bottles tucked into a disposable bag. 

The look on Jeff’s face as he took in the crazy environment was priceless and you handed him a beer before grabbing a drink of your own. Music was pumping from tents all around you, there was every type of food you could think of and alcohol was everywhere. It didn’t take long for you to find some of your regular classmates and you were quick to introduce your friend Jeff to them. Here, especially with people already on their way to drunk, it wasn’t likely that anyone would recognize him and he could just be a simple Canadian boy and not a hotshot hockey superstar. 

Though you hadn’t doubted that Jeff would fit in just fine here, it still amazed you to see just how seamless it really was. You’d each had a few drinks before heading inside the stadium, just enough to be buzzed really, but the way that his cheeks flushed was really too much for your heart to handle as you reminded yourself repeatedly that as attracted to him as you were, you were just friends. 

As you curled up in bed that night, Jeff went on and on about how much fun he’d had and how he’d never met a girl that knew as much about sports as you did and how impressed he was by your passion for the sport. You’d joked in return that you had to make up for your lack of athletic ability somehow and you’d fallen asleep to the sound of Jeff’s giggle in your ears. 

~~~~~~

With a weekend that had flown by too fast in the rearview mirror, you were back to strings of texts and the rare phone call as both of your schedules got busier. If you had thought you’d missed him before, it didn’t come close to how much you missed him now. You knew that you were in way over your head with your feelings for him but you were determined not to screw things up because he’d given you no signal that he felt the same way. If you could only have him as a friend, well that would just have to be good enough. 

Still...you were counting the days until Jeff played in Pittsburgh. 

As the game approached Jeff hinted at you coming to the game but as it was a Tuesday night game you led him to believe that you had an evening class and wouldn’t be able to go. Of course, that wasn’t true but you wanted to surprise him. You also didn’t want him paying for your ticket but that was another matter entirely. 

With your ticket secured and just a few days to go, you messaged Jack Eichel on Instagram (he was the only one on the team who knew who you were) and asked him if he could arrange for you to see Jeff after. You’d explained how he couldn’t tell Jeff because you wanted it to be a surprise and with Jeff’s captain on board you had nothing to do but count the mere hours until you’d see him for the first time in two months. 

Arriving at the arena with your Penguins jersey covering your body, you made your way down to the glass near the bench side corner of the Sabres warm up end. You had no problem getting right by the glass since the sabres were the away team and once again all you had to do was wait. You couldn’t help but wonder if Jeff would spot you on his own, you certainly weren’t opposed to that idea, you just didn’t want to be pointed out to him. 

As the Sabres took the ice, you couldn’t help but notice the grumpy look on Jeff’s face as he skated around a few times before crossing to the circle opposite you to stretch. On the other hand, Jack spotted you immediately as he passed and the smirk on his face at your shared secret showed that he was clearly enjoying waiting for his teammate to notice. 

For the first half of warm-up, Jeff was completely oblivious to your presence and the grumpy look on his face stayed there as he had the equipment manager look at his glove by the bench. With Jack just a few steps to your right you decided you’d finally had enough and tapped on the glass to get Jack’s attention. 

“What’s up with grumpy?” You screamed through the glass, your cheeks flushing as Jack yelled back ‘what do you think....he’s upset a certain someone isn’t coming…’ You hadn’t realized that leading him to think you couldn’t come would affect Jeff so much. Sighing, you shook your head before mouthing ‘go get him…’ 

Though you weren’t happy that anyone in the immediate vicinity of you was now aware of what was going on, as you didn’t want to be the center of attention, you couldn’t bear seeing Jeff look so upset when you knew that it was something you had the power to fix. The moment you had given him permission, Jack went off to track Jeff down, chasing him into the corner where you were standing. Jeff seemed beyond confused but when Jack turned him around to face you, you watched as it all clicked in Jeff’s brain and suddenly a wide smile showing off his dimples took over his face. 

With his mission accomplished Jack skated away but Jeff stayed for a moment more, pressing his gloved hand to the glass in front of you as if he couldn’t believe that you were real. He motioned to your jersey with a critical expression and you couldn’t help but shrug, smirking back at him through the glass. Your eyes stayed fixed on his for a moment longer before you smacked the glass in front of you. 

“Get back to work!” You yelled through the glass causing Jeff to skate away, this time absent a grumpy look. 

As warmups ended and you headed up to your seat it was with a light heart. There was something different seeing Jeff smile and then knowing that it was there because of you. 

By the time the clock struck zero in the third period, you were feeling slightly conflicted emotions. You were disappointed and a little annoyed that the pens had lost but at the same time Jeff had scored and the pride you felt because of that and knowing you were so close to seeing him had you bubbling with excitement. Waiting in your seat as the arena started to clear out you slipped out of the jersey, leaving you in a white long sleeve shirt with a buffalo on the front and the number 53 on the back. Your jersey now tied around your waist, you headed to the elevator to meet the Sabres employee Jack assured you would be waiting there for you. 

From the hallway outside the away locker room, you could hear the hollering and celebratory energy from inside and it only helped to fuel your own anxiousness. You weren’t sure why you were feeling this way but over the past 4 months, you realized that you were closer to Jeff than you’d been to pretty much anyone else in your life and it felt like there was something more to your relationship. Today, seeing the way he reacted to you only made you wonder more if he felt the same way, though you would never bring it up because you were too scared to lose someone you cared about so much. 

You were suddenly pulled out of your jumbled thoughts by the sound of the locker room door opening and when you looked up Jeff was coming through it, dressed to the nines in his suit. 

Unable to help yourself you dashed across the few yards separating you and threw yourself at him, your arms wrapping around his neck as he quickly caught you. 

“You scored!” You exclaimed, words quickly silenced as his lips pressed against your own for just a moment before pulling away. You didn’t have a chance to even think about the fact that he’d kissed you before he started speaking. 

“You’re here….I thought you had class tonight?” The awestruck tone of his voice made your heart skip a beat and your fingers teased at the curls at the base of his neck as you made a guilty face. 

“As if a measly class would keep me away…” You started before quickly continuing. “But really...I don’t have class. I just said that to mislead you because I wanted to surprise you.” Jeff’s jaw dropped in shock and he pulled away just a bit. 

“Wow...fuck you.” He teased, pretending to be far more offended by that than he really was. Without a second’s hesitation, you leaned closer, stretching so that your mouth was just below his ear. 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you.” You teased back, and when you pulled away again Jeff’s cheeks were bright red and though he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, no sound came out. 

Thankfully, before you could question whether maybe that statement had been a mistake, Jeff had composed himself and his hands at your waist were pushing you away from him just a step as he gazed down at the clothing covering your body. 

“Wait...is this?” He questioned, turning you a bit to confirm the answer to his own question before a satisfied grin took over his face. “It is.” He declared. 

“What…?” You shrugged. “You may never get me to root against my team...but I will always root for you.” You could feel the grin radiating through Jeff’s body as he held you close for another few minutes, soaking up what little time he had before he had to get back on the bus. 

When the time came that he did, in fact, have to leave, your bodies both sunk a little as he pulled away. “I’m so glad you came.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. Trying not to cry, you simply nodded at him and kissed his cheek before stepping back to watch him walk away. Just before he was out of sight he stopped and called your name. 

“Oh...and to answer your question. I would very much like that.” 

Maybe he did feel the same way after all...

[travasourus-rex]

DC’s Stargirl soars high and shines bright! (Spoilers.)

I logged into my DC Universe account last Monday totally ready to my hopes surpassed by the service’s newest original program Stargirl after I was pleasantly surprised by the complete balls to walls delightful wackiness of the Harley Quinn Animated Series. Now, I confidently say that DC Universe has hit another home run with Stargirl’s pilot episode, and I’d like to explain why. To say that I was simply interested in Stargirl by the end of the pilot is a vast understatement. No, I was completely captivated by the show’s superhero world and sophisticated action by the time the pre-credits sequence was over, I couldn’t to see what else the show had in store throughout the episode, to the point where I was actually sad that I had to wait a week when the end credits rolled.

 The pilot begins ten years ago on Christmas Eve with Luke Wilson’s Pat Dugan racing down a Los Angeles street in a retro red and white Chrysler as his superhero partner Starman/Sylvester Pemberton fights alongside the Justice Society of America battles against the evil Injustice Society of America led by the villain Brainwave in a knock down drag out fight for the ages,which the JSA is desperately losing. Unfortunately Pat arrives too late with Sandman, the Golden Age Flash, Dr. Mid-Nite, Wildcat, and Hourman dead or currently dying, meaning Pat has no time to worry about the rest JSA as he searches the battle site for Joel McHale’s Starman, who’s busy kicking the ISA’s asses with his Cosmic Staff, but Pat’s presence at the battle causes Starman to become distracted and be fatally wounded before Pat is able to drag to him to safety in his car, which is capable of more than meets the eye, because it can fly for a hot second until Solemen Grundy forces it down. The night ends with Pat’s car totaled and Starman dying in Pat’s arms, but not before telling his soon to be former sidekick that the JSA’s legacy must live on, and someone with honor, strength, grace, and heroism must carry the Cosmic Staff. 

Elsewhere in LA, a young five year old named Courtney Whitmore waits to give a Christmas present to what later will be confirmed as her absent father by Courtney’s mother Barbra played by Amy Smart, as the present remains unopened even up to the present day ten years later when Courtney and her mom are about to move cross country to Blue Valley, Nebraska with Barbra’s new husband Pat Dugan and his son Mike played by Trae Romano. Courtney mopes about missing her friends in LA and pretty much ignores her family in the process, especially Pat’s attempts to bond, until lunch time of her first day at Blue Valley High School when Courtney sits with a table of outcasts right before the school’s meathead jock Henry King Jr. begins slut shaming a girl who will become the new Wildcat alongside his band other meatheads, they even go so far as to steal the girl’s phone until Courtney steps for her and pushes Henry into a juice tray, an act that lands Courtney in detention on her first day, which isn’t a bad thing when you do it for the right reasons. and it’s shows Courtney as being someone with strength and heroism to stand up for others like Starman said, 

Long Summary kinda short, Courtney continues to mope about the move and be frustrated with Pat’s attempts to be fatherly to the point where she takes her frustration on a box of Pat’s stuff in the basement, where she discovers box of his old JSA stuff, including files on the ISA  a picture of the entire JSA team as well as Starman’s costume, which causes the Cosmic Staff to become  sentient to Courtney’s command, leading her and the Staff to teach the meatheads by kicking their asses and blowing up their ride home after the group is bullying some other kids at the town drive-in. Pat is able to catch Courtney and the Staff in the act as they return home through the basement window, which brings me to my favorite parts of the episode as Courtney and Pat confront one another about the secrets they hiding, and the two are finally able to bond over the lameness of Pat’s code name Stripesy, I do hope their bond continues growing in future episodes

The action-packed episode doesn’t end there, because Henry confesses that the car was blown up by a masked person with a glowing staff, catching the attention of Henry's father who just so happens to be Brainwave, still alive and even aniger. Another thing that I love about the first episode is the relationship between Courtney and Stafie, as I'm calling it, Stafie clearly adores Courtney and follows her around like a little puppy who is ready to take her on superhero adventures, even if that over excitement leads them directly to Brainwave before he easily trounces the girl with mastery of his telekinesis powers against the relative inexperienced Courtney, who struggles to get away from the villain, until Pat comes to her aid while sporting a gigantic robot mech suit in a cliffhanger to end the episode.

Now that the overly long summary is finished, I'd like to give some positives and negatives that I haven't mentioned yet. First, the positives.

Geoff Johns: It's clear that getting Stargirl on the air was a passion project for the character's co creator, Geoff Johns, who based Courtney off of his own sister of the same name after she tragically passed away in an airplane accident. Johns also has an affinity for the JSA, I mean, it's pretty obvious since he had notable runs writing about Stargirl and JSA, but that love doesn't hinder his ability to write a gripping episode of TV that pays respect to the past comic books with clever easter eggs, yet tells a new origin story for Stargirl than the one seen in the comic books, which is friendly to those unfamiliar with the character. Plus, some of the jokes in the script got an honest chuckle out of me, like Michael Dugan asking what sports team Gerald Ford played for and Pat's response.

Brec Bassinger as Stargirl: I was pretty unsure how to feel when DC Universe cast a relative unknown actress as the lead of one their shows. If you asked me what my reaction to the casting news was, I'd say that I was cautiously optimistic and wanting to see more, as it turns out, I wouldn't have to wait long for a first look, because Stargirl and The JSA had cameos at end of Crisis on Infinite Earths. Now that the show has premiered, I have nothing but positive things to say about Bassinger's performance of Courtney, she plays the character with an understated confidence which she grows into as the episode continues, and she also plays the role with a great deal of physicality and physical reactions to things happening around her, such as the reaction Courtney has in school ID photo, as well as the reactions she has when Stafie tries to drag her along for the first time. It will be interesting to see how the character will evolve over the first season.

The production and the world building: Maybe it's because the show is co production between DC Universe and the CW Network, but the budget has put to good use by the production team, I mean, they built an actual S.T.R.I.P.E robot for use in certain shots, the show should be commended for that alone. The costume design and special effects are all top notch, as usual in any superhero show nowadays, but I want to bring special attention to spectacular background details used in things like ISA's criminal files, the photos of the JSA, and the photo between Starman and Stripesy, pretty much everything in Pat's box of JSA memories gets a nerdy chief's kiss from me.

Luke Wilson as Pat Dugan: To put it simply, I can describe the way Wilson plays Pat Dugan as a good dad who rolls with the punches life throws at him and tries to do the best thing in every situation to keep his family safe, even when he's overwhelmed, but he doesn't let that fact dampen his positive and charming attitude. Honestly, I'm rooting for him to succeed as much as I am for Courtney.

Now, the negatives.

The New JSA: I wish the kids who will eventually become the new generation of JSA had more to do in the two episodes of Stargirl released so far, or at least had their characters set up. Only the new Dr. Mid-Nite played by Anjelika Washington has a small handful speaking lines over the two episodes and any character establishment as a girl named Beth Chapel, who is in need of friends so much that she talks with her parents over video chat at lunch instead of the other kids, while the new Hourman played Cameron Gilman only has one line before leaving the scene to probably get in trouble because he's in detention in the following scene, so I guess he's the bad boy/powerhouse of the team. The same one line treatment wasn't given to the new Wildcat played by Yvette Monreal, who must sit in shy silence as the meatheads bully her until Courtney steps to her defense. I know the new JSA members will become more confident and open up emotionally once they adopt their superhero personas, but I would've liked a hint of the heroes that the kids would become during these two episodes, or at least have the new Wildcat work up the courage to thank Courtney for what she did for her.

Travis: One of kids in Henry King Jr.'s band of meatheads has the audacity to besmirch the good name Travis with his repulsive douchey behavior, putting other people who just happen to have the same name to complete shame, but I want to tell you that not all people named travis are the alike.

For the last section of the post, I'd like to ask some questions brought to my mind after watching the first two episodes of Stargirl, which I hope will be answered in the remainder of the first season.

Is Sylvester Pemberton truly Courtney's Biological father? Sylvester seems like an obvious red herring, but I wouldn't be surprised if the show decided to change Courtney's Bio Dad from who he is in the comics, they changed Courtney's sport of choice from cheerleading to gymnastics.

If Sylvester isn't Courtney's Bio Dad, and Pat said the Cosmic Staff only worked for Starman, then why does it also work for her?

What's up with the janitor of Blue Valley High? Something's up with that bearded janitor who gave Courtney weird looks during her first day of school, like he knows more than he's letting on, maybe he's an old JSA member. My guess is he's Doctor Fate because he wasn't one of the confirmed dead on the night the original JSA team perished, I think he used his magical powers to peer into the future on that night and saw what Courtney and the new JSA would become, so Janitor Fate planted himself in Blue Valley to watch over them. Either that, or he's just a crazy man

Does Rick Tyler know what his father did with the JSA? In the second episode, it's revealed that the original Hourman, Rex Tyler also survived fight against the ISA, at least long enough for him and his family to follow the villains to Blue Valley before he and his wife are killed in a car accident, so does Rick have a clue about his father's superhero life, or was it hidden from him like Pat tried to do with Courtney? Does Rick become the new Hourman to get revenge for/honor his father?

What else could Pat be doing in Blue Valley? Is he following in Rex's footsteps and completing his mission to stop the ISA, or it just a fresh start for his family?

How will the different members of the new JSA assume they're superhero roles, and how they help Stargirl stop the ISA?

How does "The American Dream" initiative to help Blue Valley prosper factor into the ISA evil plans?

Do the ISA's children factor into their parents' plan as well?

Will the new Wildcat finally get to speak in episode three?

Suffice to say, I love the new Stargirl TV series quite a bit, it has quickly become my favorite thing DC is producing right now and it's even gotten me interested in the comic books Stargirl is based on, which I believe is the job of any adaptation from page to screen after delivering a compelling story and characters.

Thanks for your time.

[love-fireflysong]

Day 5: Storm

Fandom: Until Dawn Character(s): Josh Washington, Chris Hartley, Ashley Brown, Sam Giddings, brief appearances by Hannah and Beth Words: 2164 Rating: M (Mortal Kombat fatality descriptions, it only the second paragraph though I swear) Author’s Notes: Holy shit. Day 5 you guys. 1/6 of the way through and I can’t believe I’m still somehow managing these. I didn’t think I’d make it past day one honestly. Timeline wise, I’m imagining everyone circa 2011-2012 range in this so keep that in mind. Also that I have never once played the Mortal Kombat games in my life.

“I seriously cannot believe that you’re doing homework right now.”

The wind howled outside as Josh lounged on one of the couches in the main room of the lodge, PlayStation controller in hand as he just stared disappointed in the direction of Ashley. Who, true to his word, was currently working on what looked like her English homework at the coffee table.

“I mean, c’mon Ash, it’s our February break! I was nice enough to invite you and Chris up my swanky family lodge—” the sound of the a deep voice interrupted him with a cry of ‘Finish him!” and he returned his attention to the TV with a cry of horror. Just in time to watch as Chris’s character called up a double and both grabbed on to Freddy Krueger’s legs and pulled. The lodge now filled with the sounds of a bones cracking and breaking as the body was methodically ripped in half with shower of blood. Chris had the gall to actually snicker from where he was sitting next to Ash on the couch. It wasn’t nearly enough to cover the taunting ‘Noob Saibot wins. FATALITY!’. “What the hell, Cochise? That wasn’t fair!”

Chris shrugged as Ash shook her head in exasperation and a vague expression of disgust. “Not my problem, man. Should have been playing closer attention to the game. All’s fair in love and war.”

“Love my ass! You cheated. There was no way that Noob could ever beat Freddy in a fair fight and you know it! I demand a rematch! But first,” Josh turned his attention back to Ashley. “Do you have any idea of the things I had to promise Beth in order to convince her to give me her friend invite? I have to be her personal chauffeur for the next month and this is how you repay me? By doing homework?”

“This report is due next week, Josh! You may be able to not care about any of that, but I certainly do. I can’t afford to fall behind!” Ash made a wide sweeping arc with her hand, Chris frantically grabbing at the pen clenched within before she almost stabbed Josh in the eye with the end of it. “Wait. What do you mean you had to beg Beth?”

“Parents’ only allowed each of us a single plus one. Not important.”

Chris took over for Josh, almost like they had planned it. “Exactly. What is important is the fact that there is no way you can fall behind from being late on a single book report. What, you scared you’re 4.0 is going to drop into a terrifying 3.9?”

She shoved at Chris and tried to steal her pen back, but he was holding behind him out of her reach. “Not funny Chris. Only reason I was allowed to come was if I promised to finish all of my work before we got back.” The two of them began to play an entirely childish game of keep away with the pen, Chris appearing to lower his guard before yanking his hand away just out of reach and Ash scowled as she started to practically climb over him. “Seriously Chris, give me back my pen.”

“You’re gonna have to take it from me Ash.”

“Oh my god, what are you? Five?”

“I know you are, but what am I?”

Next to the both of them Josh debated on giving Chris a hand for roughly five seconds before turning back to the game, intent on giving him a taste of his own medicine. Maybe with the boiler? He wasn’t sure yet, the pit of hell was always a goodie after all. He would unfortunately never be able to find out what his choice would have been though, as with a loud bang from outside, the electricity went out and entire lodge was cast into darkness.

There was two shouts and a scream from the couch (and no, Josh was definitely not the one scream, no matter what Chris and Ash would say later) and Josh frantically dived to the coffee table in front of him. Blindly, he smacked his hand around on the tabletop until he finally found the familiar rectangular shape of his cellphone. Sighing in relief, he turned on the flashlight function and moved the beam towards the others.

“Alright, I think that the wind may have blown out one of the power lines nearby and—” he paused a moment to simply take in the image in front of him. It seemed that in response to the sudden outage. Chris and Ash had grabbed at each other in surprise. Except since they had been fighting only seconds before, she had ended up straddling his lap with her arms around his neck, while he had his arms wrapped quite firmly around his waist. If there had been any space between them, it was purely microscopic. “Well, if I knew that a simple power outage would be enough to finally drive you into each other’s arms, I would have done this ages ago.”

With the phone quite literally casting light on their situation, the both of them seemed to realize their position and they frantically began to push away from the other with apologies and burning faces. Except in their struggle to try and untangle themselves, they both managed to fall off the couch with a surprised yelp, thankfully missing the coffee table in doing so.

“Well, I’m going to go and check on the girls, make sure that they’re alright. Once you two lovebirds figure yourselves out, try to find some candles or flashlights or something.” With that, Josh stood up among the embarrassed stammerings and frantic fumbling and walked towards the stairs. He stopped, and turned his head to yell over his shoulder, “Oh and try to find something to start a fire with, and some blankets. There should be some in the linen closet by the storage room. With the power out, the heats gonna be out as well.”

He walked up the stairs, catching the way the both of them practically ran in opposite direction of the other with an unrestrained snort. And ran into Sam once he reached the top of the stairs on his way to Hannah’s room where he had last seen the blonde and his sisters. Though he squinted painfully at the light from her own phone’s flashlight shining directly into his eyes.

“Jesus Christ Sam, lower that a little will you? I think one half-blind Washington is more than enough for this family thank you very much.”

“Josh? Oh, right. Sorry.” Dutifully, Sam lowered the beam coming from her phone. “Is everything okay? I heard a scream coming from downstairs.”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, that was just Ash.” Josh shrugged nonchalantly. “You know her, easily spooked and all that.”

“Uh huh.” Sam said slowly with disbelief and looked over his shoulder, and was surprised to not see Chris and Ashley right behind him. “And where are Chris and Ashley now?”

“Well it’s quite simple. You see, in the darkness they flew into the other’s arms and got so caught up in each other that they fell off the couch.”

“Uh huh,” Sam repeated again, with impossibly even more disbelief. “Sure. Whatever you say Josh.”

“Sammy, is that disbelief I hear in your voice?” Josh placed his unoccupied hand onto his chest scandalized. “I swear to you on my third aunt four times removed grave —bless good old Aunt Prudence’s soul— that every word I have just said is one hundred percent true.”

Sam rolled her eyes but even in the low light from his phone, he caught the growing smile on her face. “Okay, okay. I get it. What are you doing up here anyway?”

“Just came to check on you and my sisters. Make sure that Beth didn’t strangle one of you in fear, really.”

“Well you’re not wrong about that. I just managed to pry her off of Hannah before I ran into you. Though I think it was the blood-curdling scream from downstairs that got her if you ask me.” Sam turned to stare out one of the windows nearby on the second floor and frowned. “Jesus, that blizzard really came out of nowhere didn’t it? Did your parents make it back from town yet?”

Josh looked over her shoulder and was surprised to see nothing but a thick sheet of white blocking his vision from seeing more then a foot out of the window. “No, not yet. They’re probably just gonna spend the night at a hotel or something until the storm clears up enough for them to make it back up here.” He turned to look back at Sam. “Speaking of, I think that there’s a couple of flashlights or something up here. I think they’re further down the hall towards Hannah’s room. I’ll help you look for them, but then I should probably get back downstairs. Make sure that Chris and Ash didn’t manage to knock themselves out by walking into a door or table in the dark.”

"They’re not really the most graceful of people are they?”

Josh sighed wistfully as he once again placed a hand over his chest, this time in extreme fondness. “Bless their dorky little hearts, but they are as awkward and clumsy as a newborn deer.”

“Well, lead on then. Bring me to these rumored flashlights oh great and all knowing one.”

With that, Josh spent the next several minutes with Sam helping her to locate and bring back the flashlights and extra blankets when they managed to find them. After confirming that his sisters were fine, if not a little annoyed that their brother had thought the need to check up on them, he recommended that the three of them sleep in one of the guest room’s on the main floor, as it was the only bedroom other than their parents’ that had a fireplace. He then had to spend another couple of minutes reassuring them that he would be fine, he would just spend the night sleeping in front of the fireplace in the main room with Chris and Ash. Then, and only then, was he was finally able to go back downstairs to confirm that neither of his best friends had managed to lose a limb by running into the sharp corner of a table. Only to stop at the bottom of the stairs and raised his eyebrows.

“Wow, I know that both of you have a weird idea of romance, but I think doing homework by candlelight is a little nerdy even for you two.”

Chris turned from where he was trying, and failing fantastically, to light a fire in the fireplace. “I told her that she was insane for doing it, but she refused to believe me.”

Ash turned to look at the both of them, eyes catching first on Chris before moving to Josh on the other side of the room. “I meant what I said earlier, I really need to get this report done.”

Josh groaned as he went to go over and help Chris out with the fire. “And I meant what I said too: we are vacationing in a ski lodge and you are doing your homework. You are a killjoy of the highest degree.” He and Chris fumbled with the fireplace for another few seconds and gave a shout in victory when a flame finally managed to catch onto the dry timber and newspapers.

Walking over to Ashley, he noted the quite frankly insane amount of blankets that covered nearly every surface of the couch and the pile on the floor. While he was relieved that they, or more likely Ashley, had figured out his plans, had they they looted every single bedroom in the lodge or something? He hadn’t even been aware that there were this many blankets in the building to begin with. 

He sat down next to Ash on the floor, Chris not far behind, and began to take away her papers, making sure that they were well away from candle flames. As much as he joked about getting rid of it sometimes, he didn’t actually want to burn any of it.

“What the—? Josh!”

“Ash. Ashley. Ash-oh-ley Bu-row-nuh. Let’s be honest here. Your kids are already gonna be getting terrible genes in the eyesight department, we don’t need to add yours to the mix.” Ash face’s colored a bit, but she let him remove and give the papers to Chris who carefully tucked them away.

“Now that that’s dealt with, you know what’s just the thing to do on a dark, stormy night when the power’s out?” Josh grabbed a flashlight from off the table and flicked it on, making sure that his face was cast in shadow from the beam of light, and gave a wide, toothy grin. “Scary stories.”

Honestly, the two pillows that came from either side to hit him in the head was just rude.   

[imyourliquor-youremypoison]

A Girl’s Best Friend (Peter Parker x OC) - Part 11

Synopsis: Diamonds are man’s best friend- or dogs are girls’ best friends, wait… how does the saying go again?

Warnings: Family issues; Peter has a crush and it’s complicated; mention of assault; good dogs; College AU; aged up! characters; TONY STARK IS ALIVE AND WE ALL LIVE IN A HAPPY PLACE CALLED DENIAL

Word count: 2.9k

Part 10 <<< >>> Part 12

MASTERLIST

“Are you sure?” Peter asked again, for the tenth time in a row, except with a different intonation.

“I am one hundred percent sure, yes,” Ned told him, for the tenth time in a row, with a slightly different phrasing each time. “If you ask me one more time, so help me, I will make the call myself and tell her embarrassing stories about you.”

               Peter scoffed and tried to act confident, fists on his hips in a failed demonstration of self-assurance.

“What embarrassing stories?” he huffed, pretending he didn’t know exactly what Ned was talking about – there were many to choose from. “I don’t care, I’m not ashamed of anything.” That was the fattest lie he had ever told anyone, by a long stretch.

“Would be a first. But fine, I guess I can tell her about your twenty-first birthday part-“

               Peter all but lurched forward to slam his hand over Ned’s mouth, despite being alone in his dorm room with no witness to hear the horrible story of his birthday party. To celebrate him becoming legal, his friends went… a little overboard, to put it nicely, and things quickly escalated from slightly over the top to out of control.

               It was a night Peter hoped to forget one day.

               Just then, Peter’s phone rang, and he knew who it was without checking the caller ID because he had put a personalized ringtone for four people: Ned, who was currently smiling under Peter’s hand, aunt May, Tony, and Emmeline.

“She’s calling!” Peter exclaimed, suddenly withdrawing his hand from Ned’s mouth. He put it on his head instead and pulled on his hair, feeling his heartbeat pick up pace. “What do I do?”

“You answer! That’s what you usually do when your phone rings!” Ned said, pointing out the obvious for his anxious friend. “Take a deep breath, don’t let her know you’re nervous, everything’s gonna go fine.”

“How do you know that?!” Peter whisper-shouted although there was no reason to keep a low voice.

“You just said the date went fine!” Ned whisper-shouted back, starting to feel Peter’s panic rub off on him. “What are you worried about? She’s calling first, it’s a good sign!”

“After two days of radio silence,” Peter pointed out, his phone still ringing.

“Maybe she was waiting for you to call first!” Ned replied. Peter gave him a blank stare, which then turned into guilt with a dash of embarrassment.

“It could be about our assignment too!” he deflected, stubbornly refusing to consider she was well and truly calling him simply because she wanted to talk to him.

               Ned took things into his own hands and snatched Peter’s phone out of his hand to answer the call before he could take it back. Peter made wild hand gestures that were undoubtedly meant to stop Ned from doing just that, but it was too late.

“You’ve reached Peter Parker’s office; how may I help you?” Ned said before Peter could do anything about it expect rake him fingers through his hair to the point of hurting himself a little. He was going to change name, move out of the country, and lay low for the next ten years until Emmeline forgot about this.

“Ned, is this you?” she laughed into the phone. Peter could hear it all because Ned put it on speaker so he couldn’t miss a second of it.

               He mouthed “I’m going to kill you” to his friend, who merely shrugged.

“No Ned here, only Peter’s secretary,” Ned said into the phone, holding Peter at a distance with his free arm and one leg too.

“Well, can I talk to your boss then?” Emmeline asked, playing along.

“Oh, I’m afraid he’s busy at the moment. He’s locked himself in the bathroom an hour ago, I don’t know what’s taking him so long in the shower-“

               Peter had put on one of his web shooters and taken his phone back before Ned could finish his sentence.

“I’ll get back at you for this,” he whispered to Ned before attempting to kick him out of his dorm room.

“Hi? Peter, are you there?”

“Uh- h-hi Em,” Peter said in the phone, quickly turning off the speaker mode. Peter resumed his hectic arm-moving and mouthed angry things at his friend until finally he shooed Ned out of his dorm room. “What’s up?”

               Ned was all too happy to leave now, he felt his mission was accomplished.

“Nothing much, just checking in,” she told him, and he could tell something was off by the tone of her voice. “No, that’s a lie. I wanted to ask you something, sorry.”

               Something was definitely off, he had never heard her sound so nervous or apologetic before, so out of her depth. He felt like he was hearing himself.

“Sure, just ask,” he encouraged her, already knowing he would agree to anything she wanted. He didn’t have the kind of confidence or the will power it took to play hard to get. She got him already.

“It’s gonna sound weird,” she warned him. “I meant to ask you way earlier but kept delaying, it’s a little embarrassing actually,” she admitted. He could picture her pacing around her pristine white living room, rubbing her neck, maybe biting her nails. No, actually Emmeline Gerard would never bite her nails. “Also, it’s worse now that we’ve been on a date, like, I genuinely don’t know how to ask that without making it sound stupid, so I’m just going to say it. Are you still there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m all ears,” Peter assured her, sitting down to prevent himself from anxiously walking back and forth in his tiny room and most likely tripping on some discarded clothes at some point.

               There was a sigh on the other end of the line, and Peter braced himself, not knowing what to expect. What could she possibly want to ask him that required this much introduction?

“Would you mind accompanying me to this year’s Christmas celebration at the Town Hall?”

               His mind went blank, the gears in his brain working as fast as they could to figure out what exactly she was talking about.

“It’s a horrible idea, I’m sorry for asking,” Emmeline immediately said when he didn’t answer right away.

“No- no wait, what is this celebration thing? I-I’d love to come with you, I don’t have any plans!” He jumped from his bed, unable to stay still any longer.

He needed to stretch his legs, and also, he face-palmed himself for the way he had said that last part – as if he only hung out with her because he didn’t have anything better to do.

“Oh, it’s an official thing. There’s a dinner, a gala of sorts, followed by the mayor’s speech on TV. You know, it’s live every year on Christmas Eve,” she explained. “It’s a bit awkward to ask that, I know. My entire family will be there, and I don’t want to sound like the crazy girl who introduces a guy to all her relatives after one date, I just- I swear I meant to ask you weeks ago, and I don’t know who else to ask, and I really can’t do this on my own…”

               The desperation and the hope were clear in her voice, which cracked a little towards the end. That she had a difficult relationship with her family was nothing new, and Peter couldn’t say he was surprised that she didn’t want to attend this event alone. He had never thought that being in the public eye was such a pain before becoming the target of paparazzi himself, although it was his alter ego and not himself that got all the attention.

               But half of his brain was still stuck on the ‘first date’ part, pointing out that it implied a second date was to be expected. Peter’s eyes settled on Tessa’s sleeping figure in the corner, and he thought about all the reasons why he should say no, stay away from the cameras and the mayor, and what if Emmeline brought Bella? His entire cover might get blown up by her dog. How was he planning on dating her without ever meeting her dog? He hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“You don’t have to agree, I’ll just find another way to push through this evening. I get it if it’s too weird, or if it’s not your thing. God, it’s not even my thing, and I’ve been going since childhood-“

“You want me to meet your parents?” Peter cut her off when his brain finally caught up. The tiniest of smirks appeared on his face.

               Emmeline frowned a little, only half sure he was pulling her leg.

“No! I mean yes, I guess, but that’s not the point. Fuck-“ she swore under her breath, obviously holding the phone away from her mouth for a moment. “I’m not asking you because I want to introduce you to my parents, I’m asking because I want you there and they just happen to be a part of this event too.”

“I’m just teasing you, Em,” Peter laughed, picturing the blush on her cheeks quite well.

He didn’t know what was up with that, but she blushed like crazy when he was around, yet he had never seen her get flustered by anything else. Maybe it was another superpower of his. Then again, he wouldn’t be so smug in front of her parents, in front of the mayor of New York city, who was going to glare at him because he was his daughter’s date.

“So what do you say? You’re allowed to say no, I wouldn’t hold it over your head. Trust me, if there was any way for me to get out of this, I would too.”

He swallowed thickly, glancing at his spider-suit hanging on his open closet door. Suddenly, he recalled what Tony had told him days ago, something about the mayor receiving death threats.

Truth was, Peter hadn’t imagined he would spend his Christmas Eve accompanying the girl he liked to an official event broadcasted live on TV while being on the watch-out for possible threats to her father’s life, but then again, nothing ever went according to plan. May wouldn’t like it, but his mind was made.

“Alright,” he said before he could come up with enough reasons to justify saying no – when really it was simply because he was scared. “Wait, it’s official you said, so there’ll be important people. Does it mean I have to wear a suit? I need to find one. Should I bring something? Wine? I don’t know anything about wine but I can ask around-“

               He rambled on about wine for a minute or so, unable to shut his mouth although his brain told him that nothing he could afford would do the trick to seduce Emmeline’s parents if her apartment was any indication of the kind of money they had. Also, should he really be worried about winning over her parents when she so openly talked about her hostile relationship with them?

               He only stopped talking when he heard Emmeline laugh.

“What is it?” he asked, smiling to himself.

“Nothing, I just…” She didn’t finish the sentence, but he heard her chuckle a bit. “Never change anything, Peter.”

 *

 “How do I look?” Peter asked, smoothing over his shirt while looking at his reflection in the mirror.

               Tessa tilted her head then barked.

“Thanks!” He grinned, satisfied though nervous. This brought back awful prom memories with Liz and her father. Hopefully Emmeline’s father wouldn’t turn out to be a villain too, he wasn’t sure he could handle another. “Wish me luck, I’ll need it.”

               When he was sure his Spider suit wasn’t sticking out of his clothes, Peter nodded to himself and put on his coat, ready to go. Opening the window, he fastened his web shooters and jumped off his building.

               On the other side of the city, Emmeline was sitting on her bed, slipping on her heels and scratching Bella’s belly when she rolled on her back to ask for pats.

“It’s the first time I look forward to attending,” she mused to herself. “I just can’t wait to see mom’s face when she sees me; and when dad sees Peter! I hope their champagne goes down the wrong pipe,” she giggled, fully aware of how petty she sounded.

               Truly, they had put her through so much during her childhood, she wished them nothing but a life full of tiny, minor inconveniences that would gradually drive them both crazy, being the control freaks they were. She was done being one of the things they controlled.

               Without thinking much about it, she got up and walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, her eyes darting towards her balcony.

               Spider-Man hadn’t shown up in a while, and she was beginning to think maybe superheroes went on Christmas breaks too. A part of her wished he would just swing by so she could give him her best wishes and thank him again for what he did for her – not just saving her that night in the alley but also pushing her to talk to Peter.

               She still hadn’t mentioned her aggression, and maybe she never would, but it had done her the greatest good to open up to someone. To someone she liked a lot.

               Just then, the doorbell rang, fortunately for her – because she didn’t want to venture on this path at the moment. Emmeline would never admit to having ran to the door, but she did. It swung open to reveal a very pampered Peter Parker that she had never seen before but what glad to meet.

“My, my, if I knew you cleaned up this good, I would have told you to wear a suit after all,” she said as a way of greeting, crossing her arms and letting her eyes scan him from head to toe to take it all in.

               She had told him to drop the tux and suit and rather go for a clean, elegant shirt with jeans and dress shoes. He looked fantastic, and she didn’t spare the compliments despite the blatant pink of his cheeks and the way he avoided her eyes. Emmeline smiled larger and chuckled, gently smoothing over a wrinkle on his collar.

“Stop it,” he chuckled, stepping aside to let her through when Emmeline grabbed her coat and bag and closed the door behind them, ready to join that horrid party they would attend. “How can you say that about me when you- you look-“

               He gestured vaguely at her while mouthing a ‘wow’ but didn’t finish his sentence, having no adequate word to describe her. She had outdone herself both for him and to stick it to her parents. They couldn’t act like she was twelve and New York’s sweetheart anymore. Emmeline had grown into a fine woman and she wanted them to finally acknowledge it. She wanted more people to start looking at her and see her, instead of her parents’ daughter.

               Pastel and crème colors had been banned from her wardrobe. She wore a stunning knee-length wiggle dress whose black material caught the light and shimmered slightly. It was plain and elegant and she looked graceful and feminine and Peter’s jaw was hanging slightly open in a totally ungraceful manner until she shrugged on her coat, which made him came back to his senses.

“You’re right on time, as always,” she congratulated him. “I hope your aunt isn’t too mad at me for stealing you on Christmas Eve.” Emmeline winced a little but Peter brushed off her worries.

               Peter blinked a couple times, thinking of the way May had first been upset and argued about the sudden plans, but quickly changed her attitude when he told her it was for a girl – everyone around him seemed desperate to hitch him up.

“She’s fine with me going out,” he said with a shrug.

“You’re a terrible liar.” She laughed. “It’s a quality. Now, off we go.”

“Will you be able to walk in these shoes?” he asked, worried already when he saw the vertiginous heels.

“We’re not walking, silly.” She swatted him with her purse. “A car is waiting for us outside. Dad’s way of making sure I don’t arrive in metro and ridicule him.”

“Would you do it if given the change though?”

“Without a second thought,” she told him, beaming at him as she exited the elevator. The employees all nodded at her on their way out, and Peter felt like he was walking with a celebrity on his arm.

“Anything I should know before we go into the shark tank?” Peter asked her, eyeing suspiciously the man who held the car door open for Emmeline and gave her a sweet little smile.

“Don’t look my mother in the eye and be ready to shake a lot of hands.” She placed a hand on his thigh when they were sitting, and the door was closed. There was a tainted glass window between them and the chauffeur to guarantee privacy.  

               He felt the engine start and the car pull into traffic.

“Yeah, I think I can handle that,” he said, puffing out his chest to make her smile when he felt the tension in her hand. She gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Hey, relax,” Peter tried to reassure her.

               She had been right in saying she was a good actress. Emmeline looked impeccable, confident and ready to conquer the world, but if you took so much as a second to really look at her, you could see the cracks in her façade.

               It came naturally to take her hand in his and bring it up to his lips and kiss her knuckles. She stared with wide eyes, lips slightly parted in astonishment.

“Everything will be fine. I’ll stay by your side all night.”

.

.

.

.

Reblog to save a writer

Taglist: @of-virtuoso @the-freefeather @justanothercynicalgenzkid

[onestowatch]

Del Water Gap on Smash Mouth, Quarantine and “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat” [Premiere + Q&A]

Photo: Angela Ricciardi

Some music is just so vivid that when you hear it, you see it. In the same vein, some songs are so personal that when you listen, it’s like peering into someone's innermost thoughts. Each one of Del Water Gap’s songs possess that power. The artist’s newest single, “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat,” effectively peels back the curtain on a wandering mind’s thoughts.  

“Ode To a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat” explores feelings of apprehension and angst at the possibility of a lover finding love somewhere else. Frontman S. Holden Jaffe’s soft-hearted vocals flounce over folksy guitars with rock-leaning layerings. The song’s undercurrent is akin to Del Water Gap’s previous classic singer-songwriter style displayed on his Don’t Get Dark EP. But Del Water Gap’s 2020 sound is becoming more and more accented by contemporary touches and heightened tempos. 

We caught up with the man behind the project to find out more about “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat,” his obsession with Smash Mouth, and how his quarantine is going. 

Ones To Watch: So you’re from rural Connecticut, but moved to Brooklyn during your young adult years. How have or haven’t your surroundings aided in creating your sound?

Del Water Gap: At the time I moved to the city, there was still a really vibrant indie scene happening. CMJ was in full swing, and I was out every weekend seeing bands like The Virgins, Public Access TV, The Drums… The Arctic Monkeys, The Antlers, Diet Cig. Bands and bands. Running into Fabrizio Moretti by the NYU library. I was spending a lot of time at St. Dymphna’s and borrowing electric guitars from my friend Dylan. I loved the music I was ingesting and the scene that came with it.

Did you choose music or did music choose you?

Music chose me - but I was an ardent enabler. I remember standing on my living room table and playing harmonica along with the radio as a kid. Everything in C major sounded decent...? I figured out what one-four-five felt like years before I knew the words for it, just staying quiet and listening. My relationship with music has been a bit of an abusive one in recent years, but I know I’m here for life. I’ve fantasized about quitting and doing something simpler hundreds of times, but i know that's not going to happen any time soon. 

What was it that made you decide to grow Del Water Gap from a personal project into a full blown touring band?

I put out an EP in 2012 under the name Del Water Gap because all of my heroes at the time were solo artists using monikers; Bon Iver, Tallest Man on Earth, St. Vincent… and so on. I moved to NYC without any aspirations of being a performer, but the record started performing a bit on local blogs and my best friend at the time basically forced me to play a show. She said “these are songs to fall in love to.” I refused and refused until she offered to play the show with me, and I finally gave in and booked a slot at Sullivan Hall in the village. I think we nearly sold it out.  

Who would you say your music is for?

People who have run out of podcasts. 

You’ve released “My Body,” featuring Claud, and now “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat,” both of which admittedly sound a little different from your previous work. The newer singles still have a folksy charm but seem more electronic-leaning or even more pop-leaning. What’s leading this explorative venture?

As I was finishing college I started producing some indie pop artists with my friend Mike Adubato. It was really just a way to help make ends meet, but I spent a year looking over Mike’s shoulder as he built out arrangements. I really got a holistic education in pop production that way. As artists, I think that our work is defined both by our strengths and our limitations, and as my limitations broke open, my work changed. I would simply sit down to make a song and reach for different colors. I also started consuming more indie pop records, and I eventually made the realization that I could take influences from those records without sacrificing any part of myself as a writer or protagonist. 

We love how tender “Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat” not only sounds, but actually feels. There’s a ton of intimacy there. It feels like we’re reading a diary entry. Can you give us some more insight into the song’s origin?

The song came out of a slow night in the studio with my good friend Gabe Goodman. We had been in a secret boy band that broke up in 2017, and it was our first time really writing together since things ended. I programmed some drums, and Gabe put most of the music together - we were just getting into a flow when a friend invited us to dinner with one of our musical heroes. We looked at each other and said “Should we go? Do we stop now?” “No, no, no we stay,” we decided. So we kept writing and had a spiked seltzer or two. 

I came back to the studio the next day and moved a few things around and wrote most of the words. I was seeing someone at the time who I really liked, and we had both been walking up to the line of asking the other to be with each other and no one else. Finally, we were sitting together one day and it got all quiet and she goes, “I’ve had this stuck in my throat all day…” And that was the start of our togetherness and the inspiration for the song. 

We were creeping on your Twitter. What’s going on with you, bowl cuts, and Smash Mouth? 

I thought you’d never ask - a few months ago, I was having a coffee playdate with my friend Charlie Burg and he was sketching me from the across the table. He’s really a very good artist, so I was feeling a little competitive and decided I would try my hand at sketching as well. So I grabbed a pen and a napkin from the table and drew this ridiculous line drawing of a horse with a bowl cut and a human face. It looks like something a six year old would draw in art class. It also has this disturbing and surrealist quality to it. We were laughing and laughing at my ridiculous creation and I turned to Charlie and said, “Do you think I could sell this online?” So I threw the napkin on my web store and it sold in five minutes and the whole event was so delightful to me that I made “commemorative” t-shirts and a Horse With Bowl Cut fan club account on Instagram. So a lot of bowl cut content makes its way to me these days. 

Not much to say about Smash Mouth other than the 2001 Smash Mouth self-titled LP is one of the greatest records ever made, and I will gladly teach a college level course on it if any university will lend me a classroom space. 

I read that you draw inspiration from what you eat, But when it comes to flavor, how would you describe your musical palette?

I would describe a musical cheese plate; sweet and savory. Trou Du Cru, a truffle Moelleux des Alpes, a hard Beaufort. Some honey and jam on the side, olives and cornichon. With a generous pile of those really expensive fig crackers they have at Whole Foods. 

What’s been one of the defining moments of your artistic career so far?

My dad FaceTimed me the other day from quarantine wearing a Del Water Gap mock turtleneck and listening to my song “Theory of Emotion.” That was pure power. 

What’s next for you?

I’m putting out the best work of my life so far - a few songs now and a few over the summer and into the fall. I’m touring with girl in red. I’m surviving this pandemic and everything that has come with it. I am trying to be a better friend and take better care of my brain and my body. 

We of course hope you’re staying safe during this time. But how are you keeping quarantine interesting? Or are you?

I am very lucky to be safe and comfortable - I’ve run away to a friend’s house by the ocean, so I have some fresh air and light, and I get to say hi to a seal once in a while. I’ve been journaling and cooking and trying to run twenty miles a week. I’ve been coloring a lot and watching Nashville. The excess of free time has not led to an excess of creation, but I’m trying to be gentle on myself. I think the collective anxiety has taken a toll on all of us. We’ll be writing about this for years to come, but we may have to wait a few years before we start. I shot a music video for “Ode” from quarantine, and have been finishing up my record remotely with Mike and Gabe. One of my best friend’s dad is a practicing buddhist, so he’s been sending me some really powerful literature each day, helping me move towards a more organized spiritual practice. All we can do right now is sit in this and keep in touch with the ones we love, so that’s my work. 

Lastly, who are your Ones to Watch?

I love Rosie Tucker’s record Never Not Never Not Never Not. Miss Grit played one of my favorite shows of the year opening for Daisy the Great at Rough Trade in August. Briston Maroney is making really powerful records. and Claud of course! One of my friends has a new project called Honeywhip, which I have been literally playing on repeat.

[mandowh0re]

The Universe Takes, and It Gives

CH 1

Summary: The war with Thanos is over, but some sacrifices still need to be made. Will Steve and Tony ever get their happy ending?

Warnings: language? Look you should know by now that all of my fics have that. Angst, unhealthy coping habits, mentions of suicide, eventual fluff.

A/N: In this fic, Thanos happens earlier, Civil War didn’t happen, and Peter is a baby. I also made up the name of the orphanage because I didn’t want to do research. The irondad part of this will be in the next chapter okay thanks for coming to my ted talk.

Word Count: 1554

Happy reading!

In order to destroy the soul stone, someone had to sacrifice themselves.

Steve and Tony stood on the edge of the cliff on Vormir, with Red Skull and Strange waiting behind them.

“A sacrifice for a sacrifice.” Skull had told them.

They had been standing there in stunned silence for the past two minutes. Finally, Steve spoke up.

“It should be me.”

Tony’s head snapped up, his eyes meeting Steve’s.

“What?? No. It needs to be me-“

“The world needs Tony Stark,” Steve interrupted, “It needs its best defender. It doesn’t need Captain America anymore.”

“But I do, Rogers! You can’t just… You can’t just leave! I can’t lose you!”

His voice broke at the end, and by this time tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was choking back sobs.

“Tony,”

“What about everything we wanted? What about the future we talked about! I- I had a ring, dammit! I had a ring for you when this was all over with and I… I can’t do this! Please, you can’t do this,” Tony was full on sobbing now, no longer caring who saw him.

Steve was doing his best not to cry. He didn’t want Tony to see him cry, to see that he was scared. Or that he too, had a ring.

Steve opened one of the many zippers on his pant legs and pulled out a small black, silk bag with a red string that kept it tied shut.

He gently placed a hand on Tony’s cheek, the smaller man leaning into the touch, and kissed his forehead, then his lips. He placed the small contraption Tony had created to hold each infinity stone into his lover’s hands, along with the tony bag.

“Keep the world turning. Because it doesn’t stop without me.”

Tony’s eyes flew open, “Steve, no, please-!“

Tony reached out with his empty hand, but it was too late. Steve had let himself fall back off of the cliff. He watched with horror as the love of his life fell to his final death.

A world war, a fight with a psychopath with a tesseract, a plane crash, seventy years in ice, a fight against aliens, a fight against a HYDRA super soldier and the rest of the murderous group, only to die by his own sacrifice.

The next thing Tony knew, he was sitting in the water, a ways away from where he had previously been a just few seconds ago. In his hand was the purple infinity stone, shattered and no longer glowing.

Taking a few moments to gather what had just happened, he tossed the pieces into the water and opened the bag that was now soaked.

Tipping it upside down, a beautiful silver band tumbled out onto his calloused hand.

Tony’s breath caught in his throat.

Carefully turning the ring, he caught sight of inscription on the inside.

You have been in every way, all I could ever want. I love you.

Strange ended up having to come get him, opening the portal and the cloak carrying most of Tony’s weight as they walked back to Earth.

As soon as the pair came into sight, it was immediately obvious that Steve wasn’t coming back. Nobody spoke a word.

Bucky did, however, fall to his knees. Natasha and Sam went to help him.

Strange handed Tony off to Rhodey, who took him back to the compound to try and sleep, and told the others to meet up there later.

Of course, Tony didn’t sleep. He didn’t eat. He didn’t tinker. He stayed in bed and cried, sometimes showering, and only because Rhodey threatened to use sedatives and give him a sponge bath.

After two weeks of unhealthy habits, starving himself, little to no sleep, and hardly getting any sunlight, Tony’s body shut down.

He was sitting at the table in the dining area, attempting to stomach the noodle soup Rhodey made for him when his vision began to blur and his hearing began to ring. When he tried to say something, he fell to the floor.

The first time he came to he couldn’t open his eyes, and his hearing was muffled, like he was underwater.

“-blood sugar is way too low… gurney up here…”

“-carry him…”

“-heart attack?”

Then he was out again.

The second time he came to he was laying on something softer. But he still couldn’t manage to open his eyes, or even move, to attempt to figure out his situation.

And to make matters worse, this time his hearing wasn’t even clear enough to make out any words around him.

Just an annoying rapid beep.

And what seemed like shouting.

Then he was out again.

The third time he came to, he woke up on the shore of the most beautiful beach he had ever seen. The sand was pink and the water was crystal clear. The sun was high and glittering off the water. There were shells scattered about. But not the tiny, broken, malformed shells you usually find. No, these were fully shaped, brightly colored shells, along with sea glass and sea dollars.

He looked around, finding he was the only one there.

“Hello?” He called out.

“Hello.” Answered an angelic voice.

He turned back around towards the water to see a woman walking out of the water onto shore. She was glowing, literally. Her dress was tan and seemed to flow with gold. Her hair was loose down her back, and a tiara sat on her head perfectly. Water droplets glinted off her dark skin.

For the first time in a long time, Tony was rendered absolutely speechless.

The woman smiled at him, stopping a few feet away.

“I have been so excited for this day. To finally meet the great Anthony Edward Stark. The mortal who defied all odds.”

Tony cleared his throat, his brain finally kicking into gear.

“I- I’m sorry. Who are you?”

“I do not have a name. Nor am I a being. I simply am.”

“That… Actually is the furthest thing from an answer.”

The woman chuckled.

“I am everything. I am the universe. But for the sake of making things easier, you may call me Celeste.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, “You’re the universe… Like you control all things and are all things?”

Celeste shrugged, “In a sense. I am here to help you-”

Tony scoffed, taking a step back, “Help me? Help me?? I’ve been suffering my whole life; I lost my parents, was blown up, tortured, ripped open, backstabbed, poisoned, beaten, lost the love of my life, and now you want to help me??” By now Tony was pacing, his heart pounding in his ears.

Celeste sighed, “Please believe that none of that was my doing. There is good and bad in the universe. As you already know. I am in control over the good. My brother is in control over the bad. Since you were born, we both knew you were destined for greatness, but we both wanted your greatness to amount to something different. When you became a hero, he became angry.

But when you destroyed the infinity stones and defeat a monster who was out to destroy half of of our being, he gave in. I can finally give you what you want most.” She spoke with confidence and power. She outstretched her hand and a white light moved from her palm to Tony, manifesting itself into Steve’s Captain America helmet.

“Steve,” Tony whispered.

But it seemed too good to be true.

“There is just one thing I ask in return,”

“Anything,” Tony looked back up at her.

“There is a boy. He is just over a year old. He lost everyone in this war. He needs someone. You and Steven will adopt him. Raise him as your own. This boy is special, and will grow up to change the world.”

Tony deflated, “Are you kidding me? I can’t just, become a parent! I’m not built to be one! Have you seen me lately? My boyfriend commits suicide to save the rest of us and I’m nearly killing myself.”

The woman only nods, “In time, it will come to you. Just like fighting, it is all in your instincts. You are a smart man, Anthony. You have many people by your side. And you would have Steven as well.”

Tony pulls at his hair and squeezes his eyes shut.

Get Steve back, and adopt a baby?

Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad. They’d finally have the little family they’d always joked about.

“Fine. Fine. I’ll do it. Just, please, give me back-“

***

“Steve!” Tony sat straight up clutching at nothing.

“Woah, Tony, calm down.” Bruce gently pushed Tony back against the medical bed.

“But S-Steve he sh-should have-“

“Yeah, he’s in the next room. Cho’s checking him right now.” Tony relaxed and Bruce made himself busy with checking his vitals, asking him basic questions, and checking his reflexes. Finally, he brought up the elephant in the room, “He just… Appeared out of nowhere. I thought you said he was dead?”

Tony stared at the wall, then at the TV which was displaying the news on mute.

At that moment, the name Queens Heart of Children Orphanage came across the screen, making Tony’s heart squeeze in a way he didn’t quite expect.

“Yeah,” he replied, “He was.”

***

Iron Dad tag list: @tranquility-or-chaos @a-black-pegasus @phiauniverse @justsomeone-notimportant @do-you-downey @ididntdothatnope @marvelbased @superlock-dispatch @terriblygoodrockandroll @love-every-fandom @starkaroos2034 @prism-opals @howisavebrainspace @multifandom-slytherin

Permanent tag list: @a-place-to-blog-marvel-stuff @yaarthoetree @yes-iamironman-blog @paradoxicalblueberry @irondadstan5687 @the-regal-warrior @transparentparadiseglitterzombie @marvelgem @propertyofmarvel @avngrsinitiative 

Strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you.

[scribeofred]

2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47!

2. Whatis your latest fandom?

My latestfandom is Batman in terms of fic. There’s a wealth of reading material in it,and it is almost perfectly suited to my preference for brothers-relatedmaterial. There are also some very very very good writers to be found, and I’menjoying being able to consume in a large scale again, at least when I’m notsick of reading due to work.

3. Whatis the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

In termsof “this is my ideal place and I am never leaning,” absolutely Thunderbirds. It’salso a… very small fandom, and for a choosy consumer such as myself, that’sbeen a serious problem over the last year or two, what with the departure of alot of my favorite writers. Nevertheless, the world and the characters have embeddeddeep in my heart, and I’ll always be around somewhere in the fandom in one iterationor another.

5. Whichfandoms have your written fanfiction for?

A few! Ihave published fics for TRON: Legacy, Assassin’s Creed, FFVII, Star Wars, Sherlock,Thunderbirds, FFXV, and VLD.

As far asentirely unpublished fandoms… I have an enormous Merlin AU completelyoutlined, but I only wrote snippets of it. Too bad, because it was going to beSO GOOD. Alas, I am no good with monster projects, so it languishes, probablyforever. Unless I post the outline here. Hmm. I could do that…

7. Listyour NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

Oh man. Well.Let’s see. Automatically anything incest or slash, they’re just not my mug ofpomegranate juice. Other than that, I’m relatively fluid when it comes topairings and tend to go in for anything that’s well-written and has dynamicsthat are to my taste, so I rarely hit upon pairings that make me nope entirely out.I tend to just not care about anything that doesn’t strike my fancy.

11. Whois your current OTP?

As notedabove, I am not a hardcore shipper. Favorite pairings come and go depending onmood and whether they’ve become boring due to overuse/overexposure/passage oftime or not. If I had to pick, I’d say I still default to Scott/Penny, though,because I’m still writing ’em.

13. Goon, who are your BroTPs?

Mostrecent fandoms only, in no particular order: Shiro & Pidge, Shiro &Hunk, Keith & Pidge, Keith & Hunk (VLD); Scott & Virgil, Scott& John, insert-all-possible-bro-combinations-here (TB); Dick & Jason,Jason & Stephanie, Jason & Cass, Cass & everyone, Jason & Damian(Batman).

17. Whatship have you written the most about?

I am stillinfluenced a ton by TOS, so as of the last five years, it’s Scott/Penny. They’rethe ultimate power couple, both heirs to enormous fortunes, and let’s face it:they look incredible on each other’s arm. The dynamics are lovely between them,very arch, very clever, and finding ways to make them relax around one anotheris just genuinely my favorite.

19. Anyships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Nyx/Araneafrom FFXV came out of the blue. I think I saw someone had written it once duringone of my only glances at the fandom’s AO3 section, and it lodged in my brain. Imean. I’ve read exactly one (1) fic for them and have written an equal numberof fics with them, and I don’t really think about them on my own time nowadays,but they did click with me, at least very briefly. I also super wasn’texpecting to like Shiro/Allura from VLD, but they touched hands in S2, and Idid that little flappy hand thing and made The Noise, and I knew I was InTrouble.

23. Whatfic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

See, I dothis thing. Where once I’ve posted a fic, I am disinclined to reread it withoutsome serious—usually external—prompting. Not because I hate it! But because I’vejust moved on to new ideas—that one has had all the hooks it had in my brainreleased by way of posting the story, and I don’t need to think about it anylonger. I’m not very interested in rewriting old material, although last week Idid reread Three Towels and a Tracy for the first time in a couple years, and Imade a few tiny tweaks to the AO3 version for improved readability. I edit soheavily while I initially write a story, though, that I really don’t leavemyself much room for editing/rewriting at a late date.

Arealistic answer would be “probably the first ten or so stories I posted becauseI know So Much More about writing, especially the technical elements, now thanI did then, and there are undoubtedly many missing/misplaced commas int them.”

29. Whatinspires you to write?

Sometimesit’s vivid mental images that I Must Put Into Words (an upcoming FFVII story);sometimes a piece of art or a song compels me to put words down. Imagery is abig thing in my writing, so it tends to be something visual that sparks aproject, although occasionally combinations of words just *sing* to be put downsomewhere. Truth told, I write for SS and no one else, so yeah, she’s myinspiration.

31. Doyou listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which bandor genre of music does it for you?

Music inand of itself rarely inspires me these days, with one notable exception, but I dousually listen to it while writing. Anything instrumental gets at least tried,but I lean toward film/game/TV scores (Hans Zimmer yaaaaaasssss), smooth jazz, epicproduction music, and some electronic music. If music is too much for onereason or another, I will pull up a soundscape generator—myNoise is amazing; I’vebeen all over the Black Hole soundscape recently—and let that run on animatefor an hour or two.

37. Doyou use established canon characters, or do you create OCs?

I alwaystry to write canon characters unless it’s necessary to create a person for aspecific scenario. OCs can be hard to connect with unless you’re very good at makingreaders care, so they’re a bit risky. I know I prefer to read about canoncharacters, though, so that drives my thinking when I create plots/scenarios.

41. Listand link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

@preludeinz is just… one of the best writers you’re ever going to find. The way she’sable to take literally any scenario or characters and make them interestingbaffles me even years into knowing her, and you will not find a better writer todescribe clothing. She’s as brilliant at handling character interactions as sheis at describing lasagna food. Also, her dialogue is A++

lurkinglurkerwholurksis another complete package. Everything about their writing is engaging andfeels so polished, and they have an enviable ability to capture characters’ voices.I’m constantly blown away by the quality of their work, and I’m waiting withbated breath for the next chapter of Nature and Nurture.

@headspacedad writes some of the best stream of consciousness I’ve encountered. The firstchapter of their story Falling took my breath away, and subsequent updatescontinue to knock the air out of me. Writing a character who’s lost a primarysense is no easy feat, but they make it incredibly easy, and indeed the storyis so rich with details that it’s 100% better that way.

If youwant a writer who’s going to challenge you with each chapter, each scene, eachparagraph, each sentence, pollywantsa is absolutely the writer for you. I’mperhaps a tiny bit traumatized by one particular work, but in general every storyis worth reading. There’s a sense of weight to each piece, a gravity that goesbeyond fandom trappings and sinks into your very bones, lives like mercury inthe bottoms of your lungs, dragging you down into the unshakable truths that areinescapably human. Real people make wrong decisions, destroy other people orthemselves; they are crude and profane and selfish and so very beautiful intheir imperfections, and polly will remind you of that with each tone-perfectword they’ve laid down.

Roundingout the list is @velkynkarma. Unusual stories and unique situations that I neverwould have considered reading are some of my favorite stories because of VK’sskill at finding the engaging threads to pull into the light. Space mouse vsCoran? Amazing. Keith + space mouse shenanigans? Incredible. Zarkon + eldritchhorror? Terrifying but so engaging. Slav and Sven AU? Worthy of popcorn. Heapsof Shiro angst? Sign me up. The high quality of both storytelling and technicalskill are not to be missed, and every new story and chapter updated is a TREAT.

(honorarymention: @deepwaterstars for being the sunbeam to my moonbeam

43. Whatship do you feel needs more attention?

Uh… I’mnot sure tbh. I’m not a “shipper,” and I tend to read gen fic as a wholesalerule. I wouldn’t mind seeing a bit more Virgil/Penny, I guess?

47. Doyou leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/why not?

Mmmm.See. This is the thing I’m trying to get better about. Because I tend to go ALLIN when I comment and drop a solid 300–500 words, and that takes time, even ifthe words are flowing. I find it hard to write something more modest, because Iknow exactly how much I drool over the writers who leave me enormous comments,and I want to give them the same feelings. I tend to only comment whensomething has truly moved me, especially since I’ve tried to move on from the unasked-forcritique-style reviews. Maybe one day I’ll find a happy middle ground.

ask me about fanfic!

[asterinjapan]

the end of a journey

And that wraps up my collection posts for this trip. How time has flown by…

As always, I like to do a final post in which I look back on my travelling, before I close this blog until my next trip. I am going to do that this time as well, but my reflections on Okinawa will be slightly different than expected, as in the early morning of October 31, the main buildings of Shuri Castle were destroyed in a fire. Thankfully there were no human casualties, but the loss of the castle cuts deep for Okinawa, and it would feel odd to just cheerily babble about visiting the castle without touching upon what happened a mere 4 weeks later (to the day, I now realize).

I uh, might have postponed this entry so that I could pretend I didn’t have to close the chapter of this trip, haha. But with my photo album done, all that’s left is my final words.

Now without further ado, the final post for Japan 2019!

  One would think that after eight previous trips, another flight to Japan would feel like routine, but the start was already different since I needed a domestic flight transfer. However, being able to see the islands of Okinawa from the plane awed me, and definitely set the tone for my enjoyment of the main island. I arrived with fairly high expectations, and I got to say that Okinawa more than delivered. Although I confess it was slightly odd to stay along the Kokusaidori main street, as it’s so touristic and feels like a shopping street in Tokyo, but it still has its own Okinawan flavor. And I was so close to the ocean! I couldn’t believe how quickly I reached the shores, and even with a highway road above my head, it was great to trail through the water on my day of arrival.

Visiting Shuri Castle was on the top of my wish list, so I did that right on my first full day. Reading about the beautiful reconstructions and seeing the pictures definitely didn’t hold up to the real thing, and I could only admire the love and dedication that had gone into reconstructing this centuries old castle. It felt so completely different from the other Japanese castles, which it of course is, but I hadn’t expected to feel that so acutely. You could definitely tell how proud the people here were of the castle, and I can only hope that those whose livelihoods depended on the castle can get by now. It still feels surreal to think that the buildings are no longer there. There are logistical problems for rebuilding, although I don’t doubt they will get there in the end. It burnt down before, and rose from the most terrible of ashes. It will likely take decades, but considering how big a symbol this place is, there will definitely be something new. I do confess I kind of skipped war memorials during this trip to Okinawa, but the scars of the Battle of Okinawa was visible everywhere; and yet it was also noticeable how the people have come back from it. I can only hope their spirit will continue from hereon too and that this symbol will rise again.

Of course, I had no idea while I was there what would happen four weeks later, but I’m glad in retrospect that I took my time and uh, took as many pictures as I did. Nearby Tamaudun Mausoleum impressed me deeply as well, although I must confess that was due to the full package: the castle and the history and the mausoleum together, plus the pathway leading up to the building was short but absolutely lovely.

After that, I saw so many sights. I climbed the mountain to find Nakagukusu castle, where I had a blast feeling like I was in some weird limbo between a gothic European castle in ruins with crows flying by and, well, a subtropical island, with beautiful blue seas on both sides. Weirdly, it really looked like only the castle was clouded that day, as the sun was shining on both sea sides, but it just added to the atmosphere.

I went from super touristic but cheerful Okinawa World with its gorgeous caves to the genuine and wonderful museum, teaching me so much more about the islands, explored gorgeous gardens, and to top it all off, I got to spend a day on Tokashiki island, which really was the icing on an already delicious cake. The weather was lovelier than I could have even hoped for, the views were amazing, and I was honestly jealous of myself while I was there. This really was the picture perfect ‘tropical holidays’ right from the travel brochure, and although I think I’d get bored of it if I were to spend a whole week just chilling on the beach, it was an amazing way to end my week down south. Not to mention the submarine ride! I’m really glad I was tenacious and eventually lucked out and got on, because I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. It’s one thing to see coral reefs on tv or in an aquarium, but seeing them in the wild is awe inspiring. Luckily the Kerama Islands (which Tokashiki is the biggest of) are a national park and under protection, and I can only hope that we can all protect amazing sights like these all around the globe.

 After a week of exploring something completely new, it was time to return to an old friend: Fukuoka, which I had stayed in for a week back in 2015. I had fond memories of staying there, and this week didn’t disappoint. The flight was so relaxed I would almost say I got rid of my fear of flying (not entirely, but it definitely diminished from here on), and then it was time to explore the places I had missed out on before! It was my first time seeing a typical conical and active volcano, and Sakurajima definitely didn’t disappoint. Karatsu had caught my eye in recent years, and I’m so happy I went there, because I had a delightful day and I was thoroughly charmed by this city. Beppu was highly touristic, but I had a good time exploring the hells anyway, and I’m easily amused, so getting to say ‘I went to hells and back’ won’t get old soon. The typhoon made me stay in Fukuoka for a day since I didn’t want to risk getting stranded, but I don’t regret it one bit as I finally got to see Kushida shrine in the sun and had a blast in Canal City. It was safe enough to go to Yoshinogari Historical Park next, and wow, there was so much to see and do that I definitely have to go back here sometime. And hey, I got to be crafty and made a mirror! I’m still unreasonably proud.

With the weather continuing to smile down on me, I hit Okayama next, where I finally got to dress up as a princess in the castle (I’m easily pleased) and saw the sights we sadly had to miss out on last year due to floods. Gorgeous sights and castles greeted me as I finally got to see more of Shikoku, and although I am definitely a bit weary of temples now (sorry, Onomichi), the views over the Inland Sea continue to impress. The weather was exceedingly kind to me and gave me blue skies over all castles, and so I happily checked off number 7 on the list of 12 original castle towers still remaining. Past the halfway point! I do love castles, haha.

My luck hadn’t run out yet as on my final day in Okayama, KOKIA was performing in Osaka. It was just an hour away from Okayama, the closest I was to Osaka the entire trip, so that left enough time to visit Universal Studios beforehand. And of course, seeing KOKIA live is always a magical experience (which is a nice bridge from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter I guess, haha). I’ve said it before, but even live recordings and DVDs can’t compare to the live experience, and I feel so privileged and blessed that this is my seventh time (!) getting to see her live. And this was my third time in a row getting to meet her for an autograph! I might get spoiled at this rate, haha. It was wonderful to hear songs from all those years ago as well as some newer favorites.

And although I hadn’t been looking forward to the long trip to Tokyo, this was in fact a very relaxed experience. I had so much leg space that my suitcase in front of me was no big bother, and the seats next to me stayed empty anyway. Getting back to Tokyo, and more specifically Ikebukuro, felt like coming home again, and I enjoyed soaking into the familiar sights (and uh, shopping, I have to admit).

This was the only part of my trip where I actually noticed the typhoons that had blown over or were on their way. Japan has taken quite the battering this year, with typhoons forming very late into the season, being more powerful than ever, with Hagibis being the tragic record. It had given me quite the scares, but all it really meant for me was a few windy days, two days of rain on 4 weeks total, and making it risky to leave Tokyo for the mountainous areas. The people here have suffered far more. I can only hope they recover well from this natural violence and that they can catch a break for a while.

 Anyway, you can easily dump me in Tokyo for months on end and I will still have a great time. This city is so massive and there are plenty of places worth a second (or third, or ninth) visit, so it’s hard to imagine I’d ever get bored here. And since many of the series and games I like hail from Japan, I definitely took the chance to stock up on merchandise and go to cafés to let out my inner fangirl. Look, I grew up on Pokémon, I’m not gonna ignore the chance to have dinner with Pikachu. Rainy days aren’t so bad if you get to spend them in a museum so big that even a full day is barely enough to see everything, and I got to spend some extra days with my friend on top of it.

I have to admit I felt a bit bad about not using my JR pass much in that last week except for the Yamanote line, but that in no way diminished how much fun I had, and I confess to having cried a couple of times in my final days in Tokyo due to my impending return home. Of course, going on holidays is different from living somewhere, but I still feel like a piece of me was left behind in Japan way back in 2010, and so it hurts to part every time. That might sound dramatic, but that metaphor does explain why I feel so strongly about it.

 The flight back gave me one last treat with the Fuji showing up through the clouds, marking the first time in all those flights when I actually got to see it from the plane. Sadly the picture I took on my phone isn’t super crisp, but it’s the best I could do at the moment, and really, there’s something about that mountain you can’t quite catch on camera anyway. The flight was calm and hardly affected my nerves, and though I didn’t sleep much, I managed to get home safe and sound without even falling asleep on the train or bus.

Of course, the jetlag was waiting for me with a big ol’ hammer, and it took a while for me to recover. A bit longer than expected, actually, although I suspect part of that was caused by just how much I’ve seen and done over those past 4 weeks. Look at how long this entry is getting, and I barely even touched on some days and impressions! I can’t believe I got to check off my entire list of places to visit until I got to Tokyo. I hadn’t thought my body could handle it, but I was pleasantly surprised, and I definitely feel in a better condition than ever. Seeing all these wonderful sights for sure invigorated me, so I don’t doubt it helped, but the relative ease with which I climbed those mountains also surprised me. Not that I’m complaining!

And that brings me back home. I’ve had two weeks to recover now, and I think my body has adjusted to being back in the Netherlands again. I’ve collected all my reports from this blog (and have apparently done NaNoWRiMo writing challenge a month early, as I surpassed 50,000 words written in a month, oops), my photos have been sorted out, I’ve put together a photo book for the collection, and… well, all that’s left is closing off this blog until the next trip. That won’t be this year anymore, haha, no more last-minute Christmas trips to Tokyo! Although I won’t deny it’s tempting, but I’d rather take the time to plan out my trip for next time.

I don’t know when that will be. Part of me really wants to see the cherry blossoms, but it’s a busy season, so I should be looking into flights and hotels already if I am set on doing so next year. Summer 2020 is out, though. I’d rather avoid the height of summer in Japan if at all possible, and well, with the Olympics and Paralympics next year, I think Japan really doesn’t need any more tourists in the mix, haha. So, who knows! I’ll have to wait and see where next year takes me, although I’d love to return to Japan as soon as possible. I still haven’t visited Hokkaido, after all, and I did plan out a lot of day trips from Tokyo that I didn’t get to do now.

 I keep saying it, but I don’t think I’ll ever be done with Japan. Despite hardships, I am so happy I decided to study its language and culture, over a decade ago now. It really broadened my horizons, allowed me to meet new people, and introduced me to an immensely interesting country. Although I’m far from fluent (I really need to pick up my study books and at least increase my vocabulary, yikes), it still really helped finding my way here and getting in touch with people. Of course, I saw everything through a tourist’s eye, but I do my best to read up on the places I visit and get a better sense of the culture and history through first hand experience. Speaking the language to a degree definitely helps with that.  

And so, I will now close this blog again until my next trip, which hopefully won’t take too long. Whether it’ll be a short hop over to Tokyo or a longer cross-country travel remains to be seen, but I can’t wait to find out!

Thank you for sticking with this blog and for reading all that in case you made it here, and see you soon!

[erisgregory]

Satellite Call Chapter 8

cross posted to AO3

or start with chapter one

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019) Relationship: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes Characters: Michael Guerin, Alex Manes, Maria DeLuca, Isabel Evans, Max Evans Additional Tags: Michael is an Escort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Shameless Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added Summary: Alex is home from the air force but finds he is as lonely as ever. He engages an escort one night under a pseudonym and when the escort arrives it’s his high school love, Michael Guerin. Thankfully for both of them Michael is a professional. However one night couldn’t possibly make up for all they’ve missed. Can they keep an ongoing relationship professional? Can they learn to trust that there is something more than this transaction between them?

The first thing Michael does is send a quick email to the escort company that he won’t be expecting payment from “Rick”, the balance should stay at zero. He knows now that he only asked for payment out of anger. They’d had such a great night together, one that Michael thought was hopeful, and then that hope had been dashed to the ground. Alex was still in the closet, and as of last night wanted nothing to do with him. The least he could do was cut ties as cleanly as possible and not accept money for something he’d considered serious.

The next thing he does that morning is answer Isobel’s call. He thumbs open the phone to answer. “Hey.” He says.

“We have to check on Max. I have a feeling he’s behind the blackout.” Isobel tells him. She sighs into the phone, clearly concerned.

“I have a feeling you may be right.” He agrees. Max’s troubles have been building and this may be some kind of pressure release, though Michael wouldn’t know until they saw him. “I’ll come pick you up, we can drive over together.

“Thank you, Michael.” She says. Michael doesn’t get very many thank yous so he accepts this one as best he can.

“See you soon.” Then he thumbs the phone back off.

If Max was behind the power outage then they were going to have to figure out some things and fast.

He drives to Isobel’s house and she’s already outside waiting for him when he gets there. Isobel hops in, buckles in, and they are off. Going the speed limit, but only just. Michael has a bad feeling and if Isobel does too, well then, something is definitely up.

When they pull up to Max’s house, Max is outside loading some water bottles into his jeep. He looks tired and worn out and not in the good kind of way. More like he hadn’t slept all night.

“Whew, you going on the run deputy?” Michael teases trying to diffuse the tension of the moment. Max already looks like his guard is up.

“Gonna bring these supplies into town. It’s just water, food.” Max starts, clearly avoiding the obvious.

Michael isn’t going to let him get away with that. “Yeah, we assume you’re the reason every transformer in town’s blown. Did you rage out again?”

Max huffs. “Yeah. But, it’s gone now. I’ve been raging out for days and I caused all this destruction and I feel better.”

Isobel is looking through the contents of Max’s jeep. “So you’re, uh, donating Catcher in the Rye to assuage your guilt?” She looks at him skeptically.

“TVs are down, figured the hospital could use a few book.” Max says.

“Yeah, well, when you resurrected Liz or healed her or whatever, you must have absorbed some kind of destructive energy. Now that you released it…,” Michael drops his voice to a whisper, “You’re better.”

Max doesn’t look amused, but then Michael isn’t joking.

“So, what happened? To piss you off again. She didn’t like your mixtape?” Michael asked.

“Wait you guys, you guys didn’t get my voicemail?” Max asked, taking off his sunglasses and looking at both of them.

Isobel shakes her head. “Cell service is down.”

“Liz confronted me last night. I don’t know how she found out, but she knows. She knows that rosa was killed by an alien.” Max tells them.

“Dammit!” Michael says, kicking at the ground. It causes a short burst of energy that lifts the back end of the jeep off the ground several inches.

“Okay,” Isobel says, holding up her hands, “Alright, so what’s the plan?”

“Look, this blackout is my fault, okay? So let me drop these off and then I will find Liz and I’ll confess.” Max throws his hands up in defeat. “Look, she already thinks I did it. And if she keeps digging, eventually she’s going to learn everything. I am out of options here.”

“Well, I’m not.” Isobel says. “I can use my abilities to influence her to go.”

They look at each other for a moment in silence wondering if that is the right move, if it can be done.

“We should talk about this.” Max says. “Let’s sit.” He offers. The three of them go to sit on his patio and it’s tense. No one says anything at first and all Michael can think is that they need to get Liz out of town soon before the truth really does come out, about Rosa’s death.-

“So what is it like exactly? When you get into someone’s head?” Max is the first to speak, directing his question at Isobel. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself.

“No it-it doesn’t hurt. It’s umm… It’s a place where I have ultimate power. I make a suggestion and someone else’s thought or memory just kind of floats to the surface. If I’m strong enough, I can change it. Influence it.” Isobel explains.

“I don’t know if I want you to violate Liz like that.” Max says, cencern clear in his voice.

Michael and Isobel share a glance. “Maybe it’ll help her. Remind her what exists outside Roswell. Make her stop pressing an old bruise.” Michael suggests.

Max sighs at that and looks away. “Will she forget me?” He asks quietly.

“No.” Isobel shakes her head. “Just how she feels about you.”

“Well, she feels like I’m a murderer, so…” Max tells them.

They all stop talking as Cam pulls up in a patrol car. “Playin’ hookie Evans? Been covering for you with Valenti all morning.”

“Sorry.” Max says. “Was a rough night.”

“Yeah, well, when people are denied AC and cold beer in this town, they start committing crimes for fun, so grab your boots and your badge.” She doesn’t wait for his answer, but rolls up her window and pulls away.

“What do you want to do about Liz?” Isobel asks him once it’s safe.

“What I wanted stopped mattering a long time ago. Do it. Get inside her head. Send her away.” Max says and then he turns to head into his house. He does exactly as Cam asked him to do, because he comes back out in uniform a few minutes later and hops into his jeep with just a backward glance at Michael and Isobel.

Once he’s gone, Michael leans back with a sigh and looks at Isobel. “I thought you weren’t strong enough to change Liz’s mind last night.

“That’s why we’re going to the Wild Pony. So I can practice.” Isobel explains as she stands.

Michael stands up too. “You didn’t tell Max how Liz really feels about him.” He says.

Isobel looks off into the distance down the road where Max just drove away. “It’ll hurt less if he doesn’t know.”

Michael rubs a hand over his face. He’s not so sure about that, but he trusts her judgement more than his own right now. He’s not been making the best decisions lately as it is.

The drive to the bar is mostly quiet. He lets Isobel pick a radio station because he knows it makes her happy and he doesn’t mind her music so much. Not that he would admit to that under any circumstances. Though the sly little satisfied smile she gives him says she already knows he doesn’t mind.

Driving gives Michael time to think and lately that hasn’t been the best idea. He thinks a lot about the danger they are in with Liz. He thinks a lot about Alex and what a mess he’s made. If only he’d refused the money to begin with then he wouldn’t be in the situation his in now.

Somehow he needed to reach out to Alex, but it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. Alex had made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with Michael. And that hurt. He believed the very worst about Michael and Michael let him. How do you come back from something like that?

When they get to the bar they are pleased to see it really is still open despite the blackout. The parking lot is already full. Michael parks and gives Isobel one last look.

“Don’t worry.” She says. “I have everything under control.”

“Fine, but if we’re going to do this, then we’re drinking.” He says.

“You can, but I need to keep my wits about me.” She tells him.

“Fine.” He agrees.

The bar is lit with candles all over the inside and Isobel hangs back as Michael walks to the bar. Maria is serving another customer so Michael tries to sneak a bottle of liquor while Maria’s back is turned. It’s only a half hearted theft and she catches him at it anyway.

“Hey, that’s a health code violation.” She calls out from the other end of the bar.

“Ohhhh, yup. Thought it would go well with your disregard for the fire code.” Michael says as he takes a swig straight from the bottle.

“Didn’t I ban you for life?” Maria asks, wiping down the bar.

“Mm, you did, about twice a week.” Michael reminds her.

“You enjoy that?” She asks, motioning to the bottle in his hands.

“So good.” He tells her.

“Good.” She smiles at him. “You owe me eighty four dollars. You think I don’t know your game? You come in here when you’ve drunk enough to kill that dramatic cowboy angst, you start a fight, so you get kicked out before you pay. You can’t swindle a mercenary Guerin. I keep a tab.”

She says all of this leaning closer and closer as though telling him a secret. “But I got one thing you can do for me to pay off your debt.” Maria tells him.

“Oh yeah?” Michael asks.

“Get Regina George out of here, and make sure she never comes back.”

Michael turns to look at Isobel who appears to be deep in conversation with Hank of all people. She must have begun her practice already.

“Wow. I’m jealous DeLuca. I thought I was your least favorite customer.” He says turning back around.

“You know. Stiff competition.” Maria says with a grin.

Hank comes up to order then and Michael pours himself a glass from the bottle he’s still holding.

“Another beer, Hank? Maria asks.

“Raspberry Cosmopolitan with a twist for me and a water for the lady.” He said and Michael has to bite his cheek to keep from laughing. He shoots Isobel a quick glance before turning back to Maria.

“Right. Coming up.” Maria looks skeptical, but turns to make the drink all the same.

Once Hank has his drink in hand, Isobel steps out from where she’s been sitting and sways a bit on her feet. Maria goes to her and Michael lets her. He watches from a safe distance wondering just what Isobel plans to look for in Maria’s mind. Apparently she’s already got Hank making charitable donations over the phone, so there’s no telling what she has planned for Maria. In the meantime he drinks and tries not to think about the way Alex sounds when he’s being thoroughly kissed.

Michael is deep into this train of thought when he realizes things might be getting out of hand with Maria and Isobel.

Isobel is laughing humorlessly. “Real? You’re a bar psychic.”

Michael gets up from his seat and heads toward them. “Okay, hey, let’s all just…”

“If you say, calm down, I will remove your liver and sell it for pennies.” Maria tells him in no uncertain terms. “I gotta make Hank a daiquiri. When I get back, be gone.”

When she leaves, Michael turns to Isobel. She still isn’t looking very steady on her feet. “You alright?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just… I don’t get it. It’s like she can make nice with Mr. All Lives Matter over there, but she thinks I’m the devil?”

“Don’t, don’t, don’t do this. Don’t get distracted.” Michael tries to get her back on task. They were here for one thing.

“No.” She says. “I’m completely on mission here. I just need a more complicated target than Hank. Maria DeLuca will do. She’s hiding the truth about why she doesn’t like me. Let’s see if I’m strong enough to pull it out of her.” Isobel gives him a twisted smile.

So Michael leaves her to it and goes to set up a game of pool with his bottle of whiskey. He’s going to keep an eye on them though, make sure Isobel doesn’t need him to step in again. The game keeps his mind off of Alex but it only lasts a few minutes because Isobel passes right out behind him.

“Isobel!” He runs to her, cradling her head and checking to see if she’s okay. “Izzie,” He says, shaking her ever so slightly. Her nose is bleeding, she’s clearly overextended herself.

“Alright, I think she’s had enough, Michael.” Maria says helpfully.

“Okay, come on.” He says when she opens her eyes and looks at him. He’s so relieved that he doesn’t even say anything to Maria as he takes her out of there.

Isobel is unsteady on her feet so Michael keeps his arm around her on the way to the truck. He gets her into the passenger side and buckled in, then goes around to the driver’s side. By the time he climbs in, Isobel is back out. She stays that way all the way to Max’s place. So he carries her in and lays her on the little sofa, covering her with a blanket. Michael checks her breathing and her pulse before going to find a bottle of nail polish remover for her to drink.

Then he begins to careful wipe away the blood from under her nose. She comes around and looks up at him.

“Why did she hate me?” She asks, her voice sounding strained and sad.

“Here, drink this.” He says, retrieving the bottle of acetone and holding it out for her.

“No.” She says, pushing it away.

“Drink it.” He tries but she shakes her head.

“I need to know why she hated me. Rosa Ortecho. She was avoiding me on the day she died and I don’t know why.”

“You can’t get inside the mind of a dead girl, Isobel.” He tells her. “Besides, we made a deal remember? We never talk about that night. We never ask questions.” He adds in a whisper.

Isobel doesn’t answer him, but closes her eyes and slips back out, asleep. It takes about thirty minutes, but when she wakes up again she drinks the bottle of nail polish remover and is more herself.

“I could use some air.” She tells him. So they go together and sit on the back of his truck and look at the night sky, waiting for Max, but not really knowing when he’d be there.

“I used to look in the sky, when we were kids and hope something up there would save me.” He admitted, leaning back.

“I used to look around at the people of this town and hope for the same thing.” Isobel says.

“We have each other.” Max tells them as he walks up. “That’s it.” He looks down at the ground for a moment. “Kyle knows about me. Never should have told Liz the truth. Now our secret is gonna spread.

Michael runs a hand over his face and Isobel stands, shaking her head. “I don’t think I’m strong enough to change Liz’s mind, Max. And we tried, I just, uh… I think we need more time.”

“We don’t have more time.” Michael says sadly as he shakes his head.

“We’ll figure something out.” Max says.

“No.” Michael tells them. “We’re not gonna do anything. Kyle, Liz, Grant frigging Green. They all want the same thing, a little green man that they can put in a cage.”

“You’re right.” Max agrees. “I’ll tell Liz it was me.”

“No, but thank you. I’m not going to let you martyr yourself. You got a good life, Max.”

“Yeah.” Max scoffs.

“You do.” Michael says. “Isobel, you got Noah. I got nothing besides some old scrap metal and an escort service that's just as empty as you both believe it is. There is no point in all three of us going down when only one of us did the deed.”

Isobel kneels before him, the worry clear on her face. “No, Michael, we stick together.”

He shakes his head at her. “Liz Ortecho’s looking for a murderer. Let’s give her one. I’m gonna confess. After all… I’m the one that killed those girls.”

In the distance the lights of roswell blink on like a sign.

When no one has anything to say, Michael hops up. “Come on.” he says to Isobel. “Let’s get you home.”

Isobel goes with him willingly, still shocked at his words, he thinks and Max tells them they can talk about it again tomorrow. Michael doesn’t plan on continuing the conversation. He’s got a plan and he’s going to stick to it. It’s the best thing for all of them.

The drive to Isobel’s house is silent. They don’t talk and they don’t bother with the radio. He waits outside her house until she’s in then drives back to the junkyard alone. It’s late when he gets back and he’s tired, but there’s an email alert on his phone so he pulls it up as he’s laying down in bed. It’s from the service.

Rick/Alex has gone ahead and put money on his account, even though Michael said there was no balance. That means Michael now owes him and it gives him a weird feeling to be in that position. Maybe they could just refund the money, refuse to take it, but Michael knows the company doesn’t really work like that. They would rather see a repeat customer than one taking his money and going elsewhere.

So Michael takes a few breaths that are meant to be relaxing and pulls up a new email.

Alex,

You really didn’t owe me that money for the other night. I was being cruel when I said you did.

A new email comes in ten minutes later.

Michael,

I want things to be even between us.

Michael didn’t have an answer to that. Things weren’t even between them. Things were totally unbalanced. That’s what happened when one person pays another for sex. Michael is used to it, though, and really, soon enough none of this was going to matter. He was going to go to prison for killing those girls, probably for life. Things like who owes who money for sex weren’t going to matter any more.

Alex,

Let’s just say I owe you and leave it at that.

Michael turned off his phone after that. It was a stupid thing to say because it wasn’t clear if he was going to try and pay Alex back or if he owed him sex, but that’s how Michael felt anyway. He felt unclear and uncertain and mostly like he wished he could turn to Alex during all of this bullshit going on. What would Alex really think if he knew the truth about Michael. Would he be among the first to line up and study the freak? Michael liked to think he wouldn’t, but the truth was, he didn’t know Alex as well as he’d thought or they wouldn’t be having such a major miscommunication now.

He couldn’t sleep that night, but lay in his bed thinking of all the ways he’d fucked up his life and how now, at the end of it all, he was going to do the only right thing he could do, and turn himself in to save Isobel and Max. He had one good thing, he could give himself up for them, for the people he cared about. That was all he had.

[mrsimoshen]

Fic: Take A Bet On Me

Title: Take A Bet On Me

Link: Take A Bet On Me on AO3

Square filled: Friends to lovers

Ship: Charlie Bradbury/Rowena McLeod

Rating: Mature

Tags: friends to lovers, mentioned flogging, this is fluffy af

Summary: Betting on who will end up in whose bed after the Christmas Party leads to revelations both Rowena and Charlie enjoy very much.

word count: 1065 words

Created for @spnkinkbingo​

tagging @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell​, @silvaxus, @blakechaos08, @princerusso, @masterpieceofturkeycleverness​, @buggre-alle-thisss-ineffability​, @brieflymaximumprincess​, @captain-winchester-27​, @s-c-o-o-b

Fic below the cut:

Rowena MacLeod takes a deep breath when she finally closes her office door behind her and is surrounded by blessed silence.

Christmas parties at the firm are always interesting, and she always enjoys the first thirty to ninety minutes of them, until the many people, the music, the loud voices become too much.

Up until a few years ago, she’d silently disappear, go home and curl up in front of the TV with her cat.

These days, she has Charlie.

 Back then

Charlie started working for them as a secretary, because they needed someone in a hurry and she needed a job. It took Rowena about three days to notice that the other redhead was so overqualified for the job as a secretary that it wasn’t funny.

A bit of maneuvering saw Charlie get a job in the programmers’ part of IT within a few weeks, and Rowena thought nothing more of it – until the morning she powered up her computer and found a new software for setting up room layouts she’d mentioned in passing she wished existed a few days earlier. There was a pop-up when she first started it, simply saying Thank you. C.

Rowena promptly send their brilliant new employee a cupcake from her favorite bakery for lunch – and found a frankly delicious bagel on her desk the following morning.

That’s how their friendship started – a little help, a custom software, and baked goods. A few weeks later, a snowstorm hit the city in the middle of the day, and Rowena, who owns a four-wheel-drive for a reason, offered to let the other woman crash in her guest bedroom when public transport ground to a halt within half an hour. Charlie accepted gladly, and they found themselves huddled up in blankets and pillows on the rug in front of Rowena’s fireplace later that night (the storm had blown out the electricity grid, and the fireplace provided warmth and light) talking about everything from work to family to past lovers.

By the time the storm had passed and the world around them slowly returned to normal, Rowena and Charlie had forged a fast friendship.

 Now

Rowena walks over to the comfortable sofa she has in her office where she usually sits down with clients to hash out details. It has a more personal feel than her desk and offers enough room to spread out plans and paperwork. Charlie keeps joking about building her a computer table with a glass top she can use to display the plans, and Rowena knows she’ll do it, too. Charlie is nothing if not inventive.

She’s also a good and loyal friend, and slips into Rowena’s office just a few minutes later, carrying a small bag and a tray with food from the buffet at the party going on a floor up.

“Here we are,” the younger redhead grins and sets the tray down on the table. “Food and drink for two.” The bag yields a bottle of champagne and two glasses, and Rowena laughs and takes the glasses while Charlie opens the bottle.

“Perfect,” she praises and watches as Charlie pours them both a glass and curls up next to Rowena, her high heels dropping to the floor with a relieved sigh from Charlie.

They eat and gossip and share the champagne, placing bets on who’ll be drunk first, who’ll end up in whose bed, and who will throw up in the bathroom.

They agree on Castiel as first drunk, as every year. Rowena bets on Jo, who’s doing an internship right now for throwing up in the bathroom, while Charlie bets on Dean from IT services. Rowena bets that Lucifer from the legal department will end up in the bed of Michael from architecture, and Charlie hums, nodding.

“Entirely possible,” she agrees, “they’ve been flirting for the better part of the year already… but I have a counter-bet.”

“Oh?” Rowena tries to think of who else might have been flirting while she takes another sip of champagne. She comes up empty. “Who, then?”

Charlie takes a deep breath and bites her lower lip, and something in Rowena suddenly knows what the other woman is going to say before she says it.

“I bet,” Charlie says slowly, “that I am going to wake up in your bed tomorrow morning.”

Rowena breathes in, then out, and allows that sentence to ring in her mind for a moment. She smiles and holds out a hand.

“I think you’ll win that bet,” she murmurs, slipping back into the Scottish burr she’s all but shaken when she’s working. But Charlie shivers a little hearing it, and Rowena files that knowledge away for later use. “C’mere, darling.”

Charlie slides closer, and Rowena tugs her into her lap with gentle hands and brushes a soft kiss to a mouth she’d watched speak or laugh or nibble on a pen a lot more often than she’d ever admit.

 Sneaking out past the party still going strong is surprisingly easy, even if they can’t seem to keep their hands off each other for longer than a minute at a time. The drive to Rowena’s place passes in a blur, and then they’re stumbling up the stairs and into her bedroom, already leaving a trail of clothes behind. By the time they stand in front of Rowena’s bed, a pair of black silk panties is all Charlie is still wearing, and Rowena is down to a pair of panties, her camisole and a single stocking.

Charlie laughs, and Rowena has to chuckle, as well. “Get rid of those,” she murmurs, pushing the stocking down her leg before stripping bare. She watches hungrily as Charlie complies and crawls onto her bed, stretching out comfortably. “What do you want, hm?”

“You,” her friend-turned-lover whispers, smiling as she arches her back in invitation. “We can get kinky tomorrow.”

“Oh, can we?” Rowena crawls up her bed to settle on top of Charlie and kisses her again. “Got anything specific in mind?”

Charlie hums and spreads her legs to cradle Rowena between them. “Still got that flogger you told me about?”

Rowena moans quietly. “I do,” she murmurs and reaches out to tease a nipple. “I bet you’ll look so pretty when I use it on you, Charlie.”

Charlie moans and arches up again, and Rowena leans down and takes the nipple between her lips.

 She wins that bet, too.

[jensenscomedyelbows]

SUPERNATUAL 21 QUESTIONS

(THE INCREDIBLE HEATHER, AKA @sammichgirl, did this and tagged me as one of her favorite blogs, so I’m giving it a go. Thanks, doll.)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural? 

On September 19, 2012. I was recovering from surgery and had binged all there was to binge on Netflix at that point, and I asked my BFF James what I should watch. He immediately said “Supernatural!” I was skeptical, and I asked him exactly what it was about. He told me brothers, Sam and Dean, who were “slayers,” probably because he knew I loved BtVS and that would interest me. I thought hmmm, maybe. That same day my other BFF, Angel, called to check on me, so I asked her if she had any recommendations—and she said the same thing! She, like James, had watched every episode live since day one. So I watched the pilot, and was immediately struck by the twin images of Mary and Jessica burning on the ceiling. I HAD TO KNOW WHY. Three weeks later, I finished season 6, just in time for Netflix to add season 7, and not long after I finished that, season 8 began airing live, with me right in front of my TV every Tuesday night, dying to see what would happen next. AND I’M STILL HERE (and have been to THREE conventions, lord have mercy!)

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

Like Heather, I never really thought that was a thing. It was a line put in for a laugh in one episode that got blown up into a big deal, but I never felt invested in the concept. But if you’re asking me which character is my favorite among Sam, Dean, and Castiel, my favorite will always be Dean. You can’t love him without loving Sam too, however, and there are episodes in which my sympathies are more with Sam, and episodes in which I identify/sympathize more with Dean. I rarely sympathize with Castiel because he’s not human.

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

Castiel. I haven’t much liked his character since season 5, but I do recognize that’s entirely the writers’ fault.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs.

The ones I turn to again and again for gifs (and which have been particularly useful in illustrating my 2019 rewatch) have been: @sensitivehandsomeactionman @secretsandgreeneyes @saucynewf @demondetoxmanual and @spn-idjits-guide-to-hunting. I also love @lipglosskaz @sammichgirl @lemondropsonice @whiskeycherrypie and @misswhizzy. I am a thousand percent sure I’m leaving out at least fifty I love and adore 🥰, and it will drive me nuts thinking about it!

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Bobby Singer, no contest, hands down.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

Ellen Harvelle. A calm, steadying presence with the knowledge and skill to back up her formidable courage. Tough when she needed to be, loving when the people she cared about were in trouble. Heroic.

7. John or Mary?

Neither or both. If you erase the Dabb era resurrection of Mary, then both. Both John and Mary had profound impacts on Sam and Dean’s personalities and views of the world—John’s by his presence and Mary’s by her absence. They made our boys who they are. But if you count Mary’s resurrection and terrible new character arc, then John of course.

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

I thought it was commendable for Sam to want to go to law school, and tragic what happened to Jessica and his plans for the future. I loved how open he was with Dean (early days!), how much trust he had in him, and how easily victims responded to him. Also: book smarts are a turn-on of mine.

I fell in love with Dean’s beauty by Wendigo, and his everything else by Home. The brave face, the stiff upper lip hiding the vulnerability and insecurity from his little brother because he feels he has to be strong for him—all that just made me love him more. Also: a wicked sense of humor is a huge turn-on of mine.

Castiel has a great character entrance. Emotionless. He burned out Pamela’s eyes. I thought that was unnecessary. He and Uriel were alien beings whose motives were the opposite of pure, so I feared his power and questioned his interaction with Sam and Dean.

Jack: Oh, I get it—the CW needs to compete with Riverdale and its other shows featuring teenagers, so they invented Lucifer’s son to boost ratings. *shrug*

9. What’s your favorite season?

2, 4, and 5–there are just too many good ones to have just one favorite. I also love 1 and 3. LOL.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Season 12 just about broke me. Let me count the ways: Lucifer possessing the President of the United States (oh please, I watch this show to ESCAPE real life, tyvm), Sam and Dean MURDERING him in yet another failed attempt to kill Lucifer, being sent to “Supermax” which, again, PLEASE, do you even know what would happen to the assassins responsible for killing the POTUS? Not even Sam and Dean would be able to bust out of that lockup—no effing way—yet they did. And how did they do it? By murdering a shitload of HUMAN BEINGS just doing their jobs, running around with AK-47s while yelling how they’re the guys who saved the world 🙄 I can’t see either Sam or Dean EVER bragging about that, and since then, they have, many times, and it always sets my teeth on edge. SEASON TWELVE DOESN’T EXIST TO ME.

11. What’s your opinion on Destiel?

It’s a fan ship that is popular among the younger, less experienced viewers of our show (many of whom haven’t even seen any seasons/episodes without Castiel in them), so my opinion isn’t very high. It’s like Dean and Cas are two dolls, and the Destiel fandom’s chief delight is mashing them together any way they can. And forcing the rest of us to hear them lecture us on how it’s “real,” how it’s “going to be canon,” and generally alienating everyone who doesn’t ship those two characters. I ignore anything to do with it.

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

I’m not queer, so bearing in mind that I wouldn’t necessarily see it if it did, I’ve tried to look at it as impartially and dispassionately as possible, and I believe that Misha has been guilty of it, on occasion. (Sure, it’s all in good fun, he’s only kidding, he’s having a laugh, etc.) Ben Edlund has as well. Robbie Thompson was perhaps guilty of it a time or two. But this is all supposing that it is impossible for A TRUE PLATONIC LOVING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO MEN to be portrayed on television. I mean, Dean/Castiel is the only “baiting” I’ve ever heard people yell about, so I’m sticking to this one possible pairing as the one responsible for this question. I personally have no trouble accepting a platonic same-sex relationship...but queer fandom seems to have a lot of trouble with this concept?

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

Hahahaha, obviously 1-7. KEEP 12 AWAY FROM ME.

14. Who’s your favorite villain?

CROWLEY. He was so awful before his redemptive stuff at the end. Never forget that as of the end of season 8, he was murdering all the innocent people Sam and Dean had saved (including Sarah Blake!), then in season 9, he was the one responsible for getting Gadreel out of Sam. After that, he wasn’t really a villain anymore. But he was so irredeemably evil for four seasons!

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

THEY HAVE!  Now they just need to end the NICK plot line.

16. Who do you think has been through more trauma—Sam, Dean or Cas?

Sam and Dean have been through the SAME traumas, almost exactly, so I call theirs dead even. I wouldn’t want to measure or quantify “trauma” in any case. Castiel isn’t human, so I never thought of him as undergoing any trauma.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

Mystery Spot, 3x11. It’s the one I would show someone new to the show. It’s the one I watch when I’m down. I LOVE stories with the time-loop trope ❤️ The acting is phenomenal. It’s funny, it’s tragic, it’s everything.

18. Do you like the case episodes?

All of season 1 is comprised of “case” episodes. Looking for John and Sam’s connection to “the demon” are secondary in that season, and I loved it enough to fall in love with the entire series, so YES. I’m a horror/mystery buff at heart.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

It will come as no surprise to anyone reading this that my answer is Dean.

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

Honestly, it’s the only place I can see the Winchesters do their thing—make their choices, fight their battles, and live their lives. They DO lead eventful lives!

21. If you could bring back one character and kill another off, who would they be?

I’m gonna interpret “bring back” as “never killed off” and go with Bobby—the Bobby we knew and loved, the Bobby who had the boys’ backs and was always there, dispensing wisdom and advice. “Bring back” means an entirely different thing now that there’s an AU—they can (and have) brought back EVERYBODY in an effort to appease fans and boost ratings. I think it’s a failure of imagination, personally, and I’ll give that version of bringing back a hard pass.

I would definitely kill Castiel off, or send him to Heaven for good. And then I don’t want to hear another word about Heaven or Hell again, the end. He hasn’t done anything but give pep talks and occasionally perform a miraculous task when the writers need him to. His character has already been killed, and it was a slow death by a thousand cuts. Very sad.

OKAY. I’m not tagging anybody either, but here’s your chance to get your opinions out there and on the record, so do it! (if you do it, please tag me!)