#the sandman funny headcanon

[melancholypancakes]

Morpheus & Desire Headcanon

Morpheus: Watching Desire investigate the paranormal is like watching a WOUNDED deer try to investigate a theme park.

Morpheus: It doesn't matter what happens, They are going to be terrified.

*Desire being scared opening the door*

Desire: Oh my Gods, what was that?!

Morpheus: Just unlocking the DOOR to their room is almost enough to send Desire packing.

Desire: This is creepy as fuck.

Morpheus: It's a normal hotel room.

[ennas-aesthetic]

Hob "I worked in the printing industry since its conception, and I keep rare bible misprints for sentimental value" Gadling

vs

Aziraphale "That Mr. Gadling better stop hoarding the Rarest Bible Misprints to himself or so Help Me God" Fell

[landwriter]

hob gadling being so goddamn normal compared to his anthropomorphic husband, in-laws, and husband's social circle that he circles right back around to being the more sus/shady one OR hob gadling keeps accidentally derailing dream's attempts to be King of Nightmares by horny vibes/going "joke's on you, i'm into it"/"promise?" to any and all threats

Hob isn't normal, is the thing. He's not. He never was. He was smouldering with strangeness and hunger long before his future sister-in-law took one look at him and decided he'd be good for her little brother.

He asked her, once, bit drunk, if that was why she chose him: if she'd heard him forswearing her in the White Horse and looked at him, peered into the contents of his soul, and thought: well, there's one at least as stubborn as my brother - maybe they'll be good for each other. She'd just smiled and waited for Hob to take another sip before saying, "Good? I just thought it would be interesting," and twinkled at him when he sputtered. Hob said older sisters were terrors, and they'd toasted to that.

Whether she'd intended or not, they were good for each other, him and Dream. It took them a little bit to realize, a small handful of centuries holding one another at arm's length for fear of what would be seen any closer. Then they'd crashed together anyways, and it had turned out they were matched not just in that bloody-minded stubbornness to keep a decent thing going, but also in all the intensity they'd tried to smother to do so, the roaring hunger and devotion and need; the both of them strange creatures capable of giving so much and greedy enough to take just as much in kind.

On the outside, though, others see Dream, his distance, his power, the thunder of his voice, and don't see it as the armour it is, the necessary carapace protecting the sort of tender feelings that could scorch the entire earth, because he is a vessel for human emotions that are strong enough to live on in stories and dreams, because he is, in that respect, - and Hob gets choked up about this, if he allows himself to think about it too much - fundamentally more human than him, than all of them, the embodiment of every fantasy and fear and tall tale of men, tending to them each night, taking no rest for himself.

On the outside, others see Hob, his banal humanness, and other humans assume the rest of him is the same, and so do most non-humans, except they're baffled by it, baffled by why he is Dream's husband. So he plays it up, because it's funny, and if they're too incurious or gullible to figure out what lays beneath, then that's alright, because his husband figured it out, and loves him for it, and that's all he needs.

Dream didn't understand at first why Hob acted extra human whenever they mingled with other capital-e Entities and inhuman sorts, but now he finds it so amusing as well that Hob wonders how the gig isn't up from the moment anyone sees his twitching smirk. His husband has a terrible poker face, Hob thinks.

He's much better at pretending. In fact, he's so good at performing the petty normality expected of him that it goes full circle and becomes, somehow, magnetically strange to all the fantastical creatures in his husband's social circle.

He had not realized the heady effect of normal human upon non-humans until the time he had gone to a Samhain 'do in the Underhill, in his formal role as Prince Consort to the Lord Morpheus, Dream of the Endless, first of his name, et cetera, and, rather comfortable with those sort of events by then, which were really not that dissimilar to interdepartmental faculty parties, with all the posturing and alcohol, only far better outfits, had, a bit soused on the fantastic elphin mead, accidentally started talking with a member of the faerie delegation about the football tables. At first he thought he'd committed a faux pas when the faerie just stared at him, slack-jawed, but later that night, he'd found himself surrounded by a cluster of wide-eyed dryads and undine and fae, gratifyingly holding court on why Billy Wright had been such a shite Arsenal manager. Apparently, it was the highlight of the evening.

It also helps grease the wheels of immortal statecraft, which Hob thinks of as something of a secondary benefit to making his husband smile. He would be a fierce bodyguard and soldier for Dream, in a heartbeat, he would curry favour on his behalf with pretty words and eager gladhanding, but what works out best, he's realized, is when important folk approach them to talk shop with Dream, to head it off with warm conversation about things like Tube construction, ABBA, and sausage rolls, until they look thoroughly disconcerted, before gracefully handing them off to his husband.

Whenever the occasion allows it, he'll skip on the finery too (another thing, he thinks, that he only cares about his husband seeing). Once, a baku ambassador, himself arrayed in glorious golden robes that matched his sharp gilt claws, had been so baffled by Hob's appearance on the arm of Dream, in his ratty old jeans and a United jersey he got as a gag gift once (and, on principle, refuses to wear in the Waking) that the chimera had absently agreed with Dream's suggestion for revised quotas on devouring nightmares.

Dream had been so delighted by that victory that he'd pressed Hob up against the front door of their flat in Islington, the moment they got back in, and laid kisses all over the hideous jersey, murmuring that Hob was a fearsome diplomat, and Hob had laughed and said he was only a distraction, then let Dream drag him to the bedroom anyways to thank him for his contribution.

Some see what's underneath, of course, and Hob's just as glad for that too.

The second time they'd had dinner with Crowley and Aziraphale, well past the food and making excellent headway on the rest of the wine, Dream had been called away on urgent business. Hob thought the night would end there, but the moment Dream left, Crowley had leveled an unsober finger of accusation at Hob and said, "Don't think I can't tell what you're doing."

Hob hadn't needed to try and look confused, but then Crowley leaned in and said, conspiratorially and only accidentally hissing a little, "This 'regular bloke' thing, but you're worssse than him, aren't you? Bet you are. Bet anything," and Aziraphale had genuinely emitted a tiny gasp of affront on Hob's behalf, and Hob was too busy laughing to say that he wasn't wrong at all, while Crowley gleefully swiveled around and said "I told you so, angel. S'obvious. Humansss. Not a normal one among 'em."

It was a lovely thing to say, actually, and all too easy for Hob to forget sometimes, being a particularly abnormal human leading a particularly abnormal life. But Crowley knew what he was talking about. He spent far more time with humanity compared to most of the inhuman lot. When Hob had made him promise to keep his secret from the rest of them - humanity's secret, really - and explained why, Crowley had laughed and laughed and laughed. He thinks it's the moment they became proper friends.

Hob isn't normal, is the thing.

But it's fun to don it like ceremonial garb and be an ambassador of humanity twice over: in truth and performance both. It's fun to be exactly what's expected and still disconcert.

And most of all, it's fun to go back home with his husband, to their terribly normal human flat, and curl up together in their terribly normal human bed, and watch Dream's face flush with pride or amusement as he debriefs Hob on what chaos he's wrought this time, intentionally or otherwise, with his terribly normal human presence, and Hob just laughs, then smiles until his face hurts, because Dream is his husband, wholly apart from humanity and still the most human creature Hob has met, and he knows all the ways that Hob feels like both, too.

[sluttyboisbringmelife]

Oh man I love Good Omens!

[mysticcopfriendegg]

[theactualrogue]

Shit post but i obviously practice- study the occult and ive been going to this magic store at the beach for a while and i dont mean one of those crystal places..

And I brought my bf in it and they pulled that card out and all the girls were freaking out and stuff.. and my bf was like okay cool.

Dude who was doing it knew that i knew what was up-

Once you start learning reality tricks. You can fuck with people

[chaoticsoulsword]

Hey. Hey. Quick question.

How can you be an ofmd AND a Neil Gaiman fan when you’re a TERF? Are you sure you’re consuming the proper media or are you plain stupid?

In any case, too many TERFs on my dash today, so let’s wrap it up for the night because I’m tired.

Block these two users here:

/neiltheyrehomosexuals

/vintage-bentley

A quick scroll and you’ll see: transphobia, biphobia, aro/ace erasure/bias and tons of other stupid bs.

Neil Gaiman and David Jenkins would hate you 👍

[fandomfaeofveryfewf4cks]

Thinking of how Merlin would interact with different forms of a personification of Death from other shows.

Especially if death showed up every time Arthur almost died before getting saved by Merlin.

I just like the idea of the whole destiny, Old Religion stuff in the show clashing with other powers in other shows.

So, destiny might know that Arthur isn't supposed to die yet, but not everyone else does.

Plus, Merlin is a being of magic created to protect Arthur, and I like to think maybe he just doesn't show up on Deaths' radars.

And, well, maybe we'd get something like this:

. . . . .

Good Omens' Death

Death: It is time for Arthur Pendragon to meet his doom.

Merlin: ...

Death: *tilts head that implies an eyebrow was raised even though they don't really have eyebrows*

Merlin: ... *magic blast*

Cue magic fight until someone looses.

. . . . .

Supernatural's Death (either the first one or Billy really. Billy would just be less tired and more fed up)

Death: Alright, time to take another one-

Merlin: Who the hell are you?

Death: That depends. Who the hell are you?

Merlin, noting the large sythe and the fact that no one's tried to kill Arthur in almost a whole week: some say that I am the most powerful sorceror to walk the Earth. That I am magic itself. And I am destined to protect Arthur Pendragon at any costs.

Death: Seriously?

Merlin: *eyes glow gold*

Death: *sigh* yeah, no, I'm not dealing with this today. Bye bye. *wooshes away*

Merlin: Huh. That was easy.

. . . . .

Sandman's Death

Death: Hello! Oh.

Merlin: ...Hello?

Death: oh, this is interesting. You're not supposed to be here.

Merlin: really?

*long talk about who they each are and figuring out what's going on."

Death: Well, I think that means I'm not meant to be here for him yet, then.

Merlin: yet?

Death: Oh, Merlin. With life, there must also be death. But there is still time left for you both to enjoy it.

Merlin: As long as it's not for a long time off.

Death: ...Enjoy it, Merlin.

Merlin: ...alright.

[libraryleopard]

the cat king being desire's son is a great headcanon but also given that the other child of desire in sandman is part of a multi-decade scheme to topple dream of the endless i think it would be funny if desire considers him kind of a family disappointment because he just seems to hang out in this one town in the pacific northwest being dramatic. yeah this is my son he hasn't gotten close to destroying reality even once. he lives in an abandoned warehouse. he's hung up on an uptight edwardian ghost who won't even give him the time of day. cringe.

[funkinmadnesss]

Throws these here finally KDMDHSSK

I was. Hoping to have posted more original art of literally anyone else but Mysterio before these saw the light of day but uuuhuuhghhg that didn't happen got bless <3

But huzzah! Earth-4918's Sinister six (Vaguely) TSSM styled (and by Vaguely I mean I put way too much detail in them, there just TSSM shaped)! (+Tinkerer, he's not a member but I'm posting him so it's even. The last member is Sandman but he belongs to my best friend and we haven't got around to making him a TSSM ref like these yet </3)

All references/orginal images I used came from here (x) (x) !

Little facts below cut for those itchrested :]

General info: They were all Human at some point and bonded over the fact they became this way by Norman's hand. Every inhuman feature about them is purely genetic now (Excluding Myst+Tink+Sandman). The whole group bonded over their shared hatred for Osborn in general though.

Adrian: He's an Egyptian Vulture. Tall as HELL, he's the second tallest. He's technically the leader and carries the burden of having a team made up of traumatized mutants while also being a traumatized mutant-

Lizard: Trans woman, Her name is Camila :] She has exactly 5 different lizard species in her DNA (5 points for anyone who can guess them all just from her design)

Rhino: It no longer identifies with anything from its life before getting mutated in an attempt to have some control over its life. Rhino strictly uses It/Its. Aside from Rhino DNA, It also has wooly mammoth DNA.

Lizard and Rhino fuckin HATE eachother. It stepped on her tail ONCE and she never forgave it. Mysterio often has to split the two up with his Alien form.

Electro: Graffiti artist. Has somewhat control over his bio electricity, Gloves and chestplate (which is what that tube attached to the back of his head is connected to.) help maintain that control.

Tinkerer (bc he's there): (My silly, my skrungly, my funny lil old man blorbo hehheghem-) Trans man :] Has a cat he rescued off the streets (bc i kept seeing people give him a cat and its like. Its a good headcanon) He and Beck met during his stuntman days (He was technical support on a movie Beck worked on), He isn't very fond of alot of the sinister six (Him and sandman are chill tho) but he tolerates them for Beck.

Okie thats all mwah/p

[melancholypancakes]

I really love this meme XD I wanted to draw it 👀👀

[aster-petrichor]

Sandman x DBD Crossover Headcanon #1

So what if at some point the building where the Dead Boy Detectives have stolen an office closes. So they set out to find a new place. And what place is better than the White Horse? It's a building that is permanently shut, but also can't be demolished due to various laws and has some kind of supernatural air about it but also somehow no other ghosts haunting it.

It's oddly perfect and while Edwin wasn't sure about claiming somewhere as uncooth as a bar ("it's an Inn!", insisted Charles), they had the whole building which had various rooms they could make use of. He could cultivate a proper library.

Idk if this would just be a oneshot or eventually bleed into the Sandman universe but if I went further I suppose I would have Hob sneak in (as he does every once in a while) and come to the conclusion that two (living teenagers) are squating at the building and keeps trying to secretly feed them no realising that they are dead and they decide they can wait it out and ignore it but eventually clock that Hob isn't really ageing and assume Hob is also a ghost and it gets funny.

[skylie-spiderlillis]

8, 3 and 5 from the dbda asks game! 💚

(writing this during small breaks at work because this is more important, also I'm bored. I'm so glad I got more asks!)

8. Headcanon!

Well you didn't specify any character and since I already did Charles then I'll pick a character myself-

Niko!

Niko would've been bff with Delirium of the Endless. When I saw Niko for the first time I was sure she was going to be related to Delirium somehow. The colours in her brain?? Her whole personality?? She's such a Delirium coded.

Turns out the colours were only from the sprites, unrelated to Delirium. It really disappointed me because Delirium is my favourite Sandman character and I really hoped to see something related to her.

So yeah Niko and Delirium would be besties, I really think they would really get along great and understand each other. They share the same side of the 'tism spec.

If Edwin can have an Endless bestie (or to be more accurate, an Endless that decided they like him and he's their friend now), Niko also can have an Endless.

3. Favourite client:

Oh damn. Well I like Monty, the cute tragic mommy issues little crow boy, so I guess it's not really a contest. Even if he was just a ruse. I also like the lighthouse keeper that was a reference to Neil Gaiman it was pretty funny character choice.

5. Favourite case:

The develin house murder. There's no question in that. I rewatched this episode so many times. I wanted to cry with Charles. He made me feel so much stuff. That episode hit me deeply and made me understand better some stuff about my own trauma.

I love Charles and I was glad I got to see that side of him, that wasn't so pretty. And I loved to see Edwin and Crystal's relationship developing.

[snapghoul]

Songs I think Johnny Cage actually listens too.

✰ Note: I love “International Love” being his unofficial theme song, it’s funny. This is just a collection of songs I think represent him and songs he has on his playlists. Some have headcanons for funzies.

✰ Head cannon: Johnny gets his music taste from his mother, It was one of the only ways to bond with him because of her job. Favorite memories are him singing with her in the car. Has old cassettes his mom made for him, refuses to get rid of them.

– ⭑ –

Head Over Heels & Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Tears For Fears

Voulez-Vous, Money, Money, Money, Super Trooper & Slipping Through My Fingers - ABBA

✰ His mother played Slipping Through My Fingers on their way home from his high school graduation, and they both ugly cried.

Blue Monday - New Order

Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart

Bohemian Rapsody, Another One Bites The Dust, We Will Rock You, Killer Queen, Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Paint It Black & Sympathy For The Devil - The Rolling Stones

Girls On Film, Hungry Like The Wolf, Rio & The Wild Boys - Duran Duran

Sabotage, Fight For Your Right, Intergalactic, No Sleep Til Brooklyn - Beastie Boys

✰ Listens to BB while he is training. Something about them make him want to beat the shit outta his punching bag.

Enjoy The Silence & Never Let Me Down Again - Depeche Mode

Devil Went Down To Georgia - The Charlie Daniels Band

Sunburn - Fuel

Love Shack - The B-52’s

✰ His mother's favorite song. Listens to it when he’s feeling nostalgic.

Black Betty - Ram Jam

Enter Sandman, For Whom The Bell Tolls, One, Master Of Puppets & Lux Æterna - Metallica

✰ Johnny is a sleeper Metalhead; one would never know he is until someone walks in on him listening to it. He had his wrist broken in a pit. Will white girl dance to metal and rock music.

Lonely Day, Chop Souy!, Sugar & Violent Pornography - System Of A Down

Welcome To The Jungle, Sweet Child O’ Mine & Paradise City - Guns N’ Roses

The Chain, Go Your Own Way & Dreams - Fleetwood Mac

Super Massive Black Hole, Knights of Cydonia & Starlight - Muse

Punk Tactics - Joey Valence & Brae

✰ “I am the King and You’re just a pawn. Who’s got the high ground now, Obi-wan?”

[punchoutheadcanons]

An au where all the boxers are doing a different job (any job but boxer) What job will they do?

This is me just going off on a mindless tangent so some of these may or may not make sense <3

Doc Louis: Honestly I would see Doc Louis as a recreational leader/fitness instructor at your local YMCA or community center. He's really down to earth and gives lots of encouragement.

Little Mac: Besides being a student (I personally headcanon him as being an exercise science major in uni), I just think he'll probably work at his local gym as a personal trainer.

Glass Joe: Joe gives me fine artist vibes! He would definitely work as an art gallery director or I could see him as an art dealer!

Von Kaiser: Besides being a boxing instructor, I definitely see him working as a postman/postal worker.

Disco Kid: A choreographer or a back up dancer for a musician/music artist.

King Hippo: The King of Hippo Island, duh!

Piston Honda: I don’t know why…But…A massage therapist. Just going off of vibes.

Bear Hugger: I could see him working with animals, maybe a vet tech?

Great Tiger: I could see him as a professor, I dunno what he would teach though.

Don Flamenco: Television personality of some kind—Maybe a weatherman? I think he has the looks and the charisma to pull it off!

Aran Ryan: Tattoo artist. Also—He’s absolutely covered in them.

Soda Popinski: This was hard. He’ll probably be working in the storage/transportation industry?

Bald Bull: I’m not sure, but definitely a career/job that doesn’t involve the public. Maybe just like a corporate office job of some kind. He still dislikes his coworkers.

Super Macho Man: Reality television personality/Adult Entertainment star! He’s on shows like Love Island, The Bachelor, and Survivor! He makes FANTASTIC television, really funny, really shady, I mean, cmon now, he IS the moment! And uh yeah, he may or may not have been in a couple of x-rated movies…

Mr. Sandman: Something chill and cozy, maybe streaming? I could see him streaming himself playing video games and interacting with the chat.

I’ll do the Super Punch Out cast soon <3

[ohshy]

random punch out headcanons (theyre a little king hippo skewed)

- aran ryan is really good at rhyming. he uses this to annoy people. One time, he wrote a purple prose joke letter to don flamenco which he thought was a genuine exclamation from his lover Carmen, only to find it signed ''(...) my stalwart bullfighting lion, you shine brightly like the mighty orion -> love, aran ryan ♥''. Needless to say, hell broke loose. Aran thought it was worth it though.

- because of aran's rhyming abilities, disco kid has asked him to do a music collab. big mistake, aran only wanted to create sea shanty inspired diss tracks.

- von kaiser is a polyglot !!! he knows almost every language every person speaks in the WVBA. He's not fluent in all of them, but he'll still happily translate for them, if their english is not the best, or if they simply feel more comfortable communicating in their native tongue.

- all the boxers have fanart walls. bear huggers fanart is either wholesome art of him holding or taking care of animals or scribbles of him eating a big raw fish. he thinks the latter r very funny.

- king hippo loves collecting little sea critter trinkets !!! he WILL infodump to you ab them. his favorite fish is the gulper eel, he looked at that fish and thought Hes just like me fr.

- glass joe is a disgruntled fashion snob. he WILL insult his fellow competitors' fashion tastes under his breath. army clothes? in a boxing ring? unfitting! leotards?! out of fashion! Even if other's overhear it, they just leave him be. He's the lowest ranking boxer of the WVBA, hes gotta release his frustration somehow, right?

- great tiger sometimes talks to his own clones if he needs advice or otherwise just wants someone to talk to. It helps him regulate his thoughts and emotions when hes overwhelmed.

- king hippo is the type to unintentionally spit some real wisdom. He even once (unintentionally) gave the materialistic super macho man an existential crisis w/ a pineapple metaphor. Don’t ask macho how, he’ll just spiral again.

- aran ryan, great tiger and piston hondo are in a constant prank war w/ eachother. if things go really awry, either bear hugger or mr sandman step in.

- king hippo's original ring name was ''the human hippo''. he changed it to ''king hippo'' after he became the minor circuit champion though. he, in a way, became king of the ring :)

- bald bull is quite the introverted guy, the press notwithstanding. he has a lot of energy that he can't always release onto a sparring partner. because of this, he's often an emotional mess that outs itself in pent-up aggression. additionally, most social situations are too overwhelming to him, even without the press, and the only opponent he can really equally spar with are his world circuit opponents and his punching bag.

- king hippo, bear hugger, great tiger and bald bull share a companionship for naming themselves after animals. They once tried to get super macho man to change his name to ''super macho shark'' and have mr sandman adopt a sheep gimmick.

- super macho man has ambitions to become the next us president. After he retires boxing, though.