#the things addiction can do to a person are fucking horrific

[inkykeiji]

i was just completely blown away by your post about agnes and what you said, it really really really resonated with me. i relate to everything you said and i remember reading in a post a while back that he was in the hospital and you felt conflicted about seeing him. i understand that. i also have a complicated relationship with my dad and i just love him so much but i could also be so upset with him because of the things he's done to me and my sister and my mom. oo i can't type too much!! -🧁

oh wow cupcake, thank you so much for this!!! i really appreciate hearing your thoughts, and it’s once again super comforting to hear that there’s someone else who can relate to it as well <33

tw: mentions of drugs + abuse

family in and of itself as a concept can be and often is so incredibly complex, especially when there’s something like drugs and/or abuse thrown into the mix. a lot of people (esp people online, i find) like to act as if these relationships are black and white, as if these feelings and these experiences can be easily and neatly sorted into defined categories when the fact of the matter is, they aren’t, and they can’t. obviously, abuse is bad—this is an objective fact we can all agree on. but when that abuse comes from a family member, a parent, someone who was supposed to be there for you and raise you and love you, it really muddies things.

i love my father, but i do not like him. i am hoping i can find it in me to forgive him for what he’s done to us before he dies, but i’m not sure it’ll happen. i still hold so much anger and bitterness and just generally negative feelings towards him, and in my twenty-something years on this earth i have only JUST begun to work through this shit. and he doesn’t have much time left.

[xzaddyzanakinx]

Part two thoughts on an ani x bpd reader? Like, when things get that bad, does either of them wake the fuck up and realize things need to change? Remorse or guilt? The reader leaving? Ani leaving or falling into a self loathing hole, doing bad stuff again and again whether to himself or reader) and not taking care of himself?

It’s interesting to read some of your takes on BPD relationships, because I obviously have no idea what that’s like, but you do. You can make it seem very addicting, but also very terrifying and unhealthy, depending on which way the pendulum swings (I hope you take that as a compliment. Tone is hard through text. Lol. 😅).

I personally do not believe abuse is justified in any situation, whether you have a disorder or not. There’s lots of ways to deal with feelings without taking it out on someone else. On the other hand, I know some BPD’s have described feeling horrified with themselves after an episode like that, and so I’ve never really known just how much ‘control’ someone has in that moment. Either way, I still believe it’s the person’s responsibility to find a way to deal with it. Nobody deserves to be miserable around them just because they can’t handle something.

Anyway, I kind of went off on a rant. Apologies. Lol. My main request was for a part two of Ani x BPD reader! ❤️🫶✨

Not offended at all bby.

I think after I’m done with stalker!ani I’ll write a fic on this. Just cause so many people have asked about it.

100% BPD X BPD would be a terrible pairing. Coming from me as a bpd gal.

Now, personally, I’ve never physically abused anyone during an episode. But I HAVE done lots of property damage and I also broke my hand when I used a concrete wall as a punching bag. I split a wooden bat at the tip from whacking a fence once.

When it gets that bad, I don’t really remember what I said or did. I just feel really jittery, almost like an extreme caffeine high you know? (Imagine old cartoon character drinking coffee and their whole body vibrates, eyeballs and all)

But if it doesn’t get to that point, which it rarely does now that I’m medicated correctly and have a good support system, I IMMEDIATELY feel regret. Like horrible sorrow. Bpd means big feelings and when I feel regret, which isn’t often, it feels like I’m grieving a death that I’m to blame for.

For the smaller, more snappy or short outbursts:

My mouth works faster than the logical part of my brain that tells me not to say something mean.

Sometimes I catch myself in the middle of saying something awful and then I just have to finish it because the damage is done and I may as well spit it out. Then I’ll lock myself in the bathroom for an hour until I’ve hyped myself up enough to apologize, then I’ll go back to the bathroom until the big feelings from my apology die down. I’ll be quiet, basically selectively mute for the rest of the day and be super irritable.

It’s exhausting. But it’s even more exhausting to have to continually remind myself not to spew the first thing that pops into my head or not to chuck the bag of shredded cheese at the wall because I can’t get the ziploc to open.

It’s so stupid that something so small as getting my hairbrush stuck on a knot in my hair could set me off into a teeth gritting, foot stomp and shriek. Like wtf? That’s embarrassing. But it happens before I can even think about what I’m doing.

The best way I can describe it is: I’m a bratty toddler when it comes to emotional regulation.

But you’re so right tho, your illness doesn’t give you an excuse to be an ass. It just proves the person doesn’t want to put in the work to get better if they use it as a justifying reason.

BPD might cause my reactions, but I’m in charge of my actual actions. Sometimes it takes a long time for them to recognize that though. I’m an adult now, I’m medicated, I’ve spent my fair share of days in the loony bin. Looking back at my teenage self? It’s horrific and sad. For me and everyone around me back then.

[the-writing-mobster]

Because I constantly get hate for WDYW Chapter 49,

(I get it, it's polarizing) allow me to like,,, explain why I went with the plot point? I don't really owe anyone an explanation, and literally fuck any of my haters, they're ants, but I think my readers/people who actually like my writing would like to know the lore behind my choices.

So, context, in chapter 49, Frisk is drugged into obedience by Muffet and Muffet, being the money hungry cunt that she is, sells Frisk's body on the black market. It's a really uncomfortable concept, and when it happened it caused a lot of readers to drop the fic or rant at me in the comments, talk shit about my fic in private forums behind my back, or even imply a bunch of horrible things about me as a person lmao.

So why did I decide to go with this plot?

Well, for one, it all stems from two books: The Hunger Games, Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins and the Empress by S.J Kincaid.

In both of these books, there is a pivotal character who is drugged, manipulated and used for political gain by a dastardly authority figure. In The Empress, this plot point was ESPECIALLY devastating, because it completely changed and corrupted the character into a horrific shell of their old self to where they were actively antagonistic and irredeemable!

This plot device has intrigued and fascinated me ever since. Drugging a protagonist to make them wholly dependent on their abuser/villain, manipulating them, having them at rock bottom is, in my opinion, one of the worst things that can happen to a character... And seeing how the character can overcome it is the greatest triumph!

Ever since reading these books, this plot device has buzzed in the back of my mind and there is a part of me that always tries to recreate it, but I can never come close to perfecting it.

Either I always miss on the addiction part of the manipulation, or I can never commit truly to character corruption. Either way, the closest I've ever gotten to scratching this itch has been in WDYW part 3, but even then, I barely came close to getting it right.

My second reason for choosing the route; In WDYW, Frisk's whole arc is about having control over her own agency/autonomy/fate. What happens to her in Part 3 is the culmination of everything she's ran away from, fought against, and her greatest nightmare come to life. It was the lowest point I could bring her character, and make her face her past demons in a horrifically evil way. But my plan had obviously been that despite all of the torture she survives, that she not only survives but fucking WINS!

That was the whole point, but when I wrote it I was like,,, 17/18 😅, so there was definitely things I wasn't as graceful about.

With that said, would I change anything? Yes. If I could change anything I wrote about part 3, I would do a couple things:

1. Take out that obedience spell Muffet puts on Frisk. The reason I made that was because it was like a catch all spell to keep Frisk in Muffets clutches? But it was pretty OP and seemed like a hand wavey excuse to brush aside plot holes. I should've just simplified the spell to where she was simply tethered to Muffet's soul so Sans couldn't kill Muffet, or teleport Frisk away.

2. Frisk's "obedience" to Muffet should've been entirely addiction based, which would make the plot point of Frisk using determination to burn out her addiction in Part 4, and then eventually Determination becomes the addiction instead, (because overcoming addiction is really fucking hard actually and a constant struggle) a lot stronger.

3. I would probably be much more careful with my word choice in chapter 49. Some of it comes off as sexualization. Not my intention, but it was because I was writing in the creepy photographer's pov and he was objectifying her. In my head I was like, "surely people can read between the lines right???" (They can't. Only a select few fanfic readers have media literacy apparently)

So, TLDR, No chapter 49 was not some author's barely disguised fetish (that's honestly a really gross way to think about my writing and about me as a person) it was my genuine worst nightmare as a woman, and one of my favorite plot devices from two of my favorite books 😭 Please lay off me about chapter 49, and Part 3.

Last but not least... Some art is meant to disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed.

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[hazshit-hotel-hater]

What theories do you have with season 2 or what do you think is going to happen hazbin hotel?

None of my theories are super fleshed out but I do have some concerning theories that I really hope do not happen, the biggest is how Vox’s character will be written.

Warning for stuff about Raphielle and their grossass fetishes

Judging by a “fan animatic” they did to that Valentino fansong, I’m worried their portrayal of Vox is going to bleed into the show, aka where he jerks off to Angel Dust being raped. Genuinely if they do this I don’t know what I’m going to do. Vivzie and Raph can’t seem to think of any other way to write a villain rather than make them a rapist or make the character have a rape fetish themself. It’s horrible and lazy writing. If you can’t write an interesting villain, you’re a bad writer. If you can’t keep your fetishes out of your shows, you’re a bad writer. If you can’t handle genuine criticism of your insanely offensive show and characters, you’re a bad writer.

I hardly believe I’ll canonise much of anything from S2 for my rewrite when it comes out. My version of Vox will not ever stoop to the level of whatever the fuck Vivzie does with him. Even the way I write Valentino isn’t absolutely trash. Yeah, he’s still horrid, but I’m not treating him like some silly background character with mildly scary scenes and shock value. Treat him with the severity he brings from the actions he does. End of story.

Somewhat aside from the Vee’s, I hope they do fun things with Sir Pentious. They set up that whole double agent thing for him just to drop it the same episode and yeah I guess to be like “but people can be redeemed guys.. 🥺” okay? Thats a real fuckin mundane thing to focus on for his redemption though? Talk about like. Actual bad shit. Like all the murder. Seems a bit more important? Anyway, I think having Pentious somehow be a double agent in Heaven and provide information to the cast down in hell would be cool. No idea how they’d do that but I’d the idea is fun.

I also have a suspicion that Angel might be the second person to be redeemed although I hope not. For as much “character development” as he’s gotten for some reason, it’s all been incredibly half-assed. He’s hardly fixed himself at all and all of his progress was offscreen. There’s no way he sang a song with Husk on the street and that just suddenly stopped his drug addiction. That’s not how addictions work. Trust me I fuckin wish I could’ve sang a song and been cured from that kinda shit but unfortunately it just is not like that.

Photo I made to express my grievances.

Husk and Angel are also likely gonna date or whatever, personally I’m horrified if this is true because Vivzie is Vivzie and I don’t think she knows what slowburn actually means. I’d wait for like a third season before even starting that stuff but like I guess as long as it isn’t horrifically abusive??? Idk.

Dropped my wallet while writing this and im blaming it on the shows existence

Oh also I think Valentino might die, thats about it

[susandsnell]

For the character ask game 4; 8; 21 for Daniel Molloy and 10; 20 for Madeleine Eparvier? If that's too many, just pick which ones you're most interested in obviously :)

Hi anon! Finally sitting down to do these. Thank you for your patience with this, and double thank you for being the first person to ask me things about that old man and that spectacular queen. Let's go! I'll put it under the cut because boy I'm about to get long-winded -- I blame you for giving me so much to work with!

CHARACTER ASK GAME!!! 💫

Daniel Molloy

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

You do not want to know the crossovers I've envisioned for this old man. Because of his meta role as the narrator, the messenger, and the archivist of the story, he fits surprisingly well into so many other pieces of media with the premise "what if he was the one investigating/interviewing the survivor". There are many other vampires I'd like him to interview (especially the ones from Tanz Der Vampire), and I'd love to see how a younger Daniel would fare in Fright Night (we all know how The Lost Boys would end for him..). But mostly, final girl that he is, I think he'd rock it in other horror media; the thing that has plagued him and enthralled him all his life. The thing he has begged for and run from. I wonder if The Ring's Rachel Keller was a former student or colleague of his, and if she'd enlist his help with respect to breaking the story on cursed video tapes. I want to see him in a Se7en or Longlegs type of neonoir slasher, sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, and yet coming through when it counts. I think that I would want to personally beat him to death myself for the things he'd say to Dani Ardor (Dan to Dan communication), but he's actually proven himself to be solid at deprogramming someone subjected to intense gaslighting (and very good at ruining relationships, including those that aren't his own!), and if he can keep the insanely misogynistic comments to a minimum for more than five minutes, he might've been able to get her away from the Harga by talking sense.

And finally, in what must make me the greatest parody of myself fathomable, yes, I think Daniel Molloy should investigate and probably write the retrospective on the Black Prom of Stephen King's Carrie. I've frequently joked that for all the addiction trouble, marital and familial trouble, and insanely out of pocket offensive comments, he's a Stephen King author avatar guesting at Manderley or perhaps Wuthering Heights.

But all seriousness, you have Sue Snell, who wrote her own autobiography of the horrific and targic events for which she wound up both scapegoated and disbelieved. Given his nose for the supernatural/preternatural, Daniel would follow where that thread leads and maybe help her find some peace in the process. The two certainly have a lot in common; both did fucking horrible things as a teenager for which they later faced an insanely disproportionate retribution, both have curly hair (usually in Sue's case), both are heavily coded to be repressing queerness leading them to unfulfilling heteronormative relationships/plans for unhappy family life, both take the role of the archivist and messenger to shape the horrors they lived into a narrative - their narrative - before the world will make of it what it will. Both fell in love with their monster(s). Both are fucking SURVIVORS.

(I kind of want to write this now...)

8. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Honestly, I don't want to rehash bad discourse from twitter, so I'll just say exaggerating his very apparent flaws to thoughtlessly trigger people in the interest of winning a morality contest in this of all franchises. On the flipside of that, reducing him to his ship with Armand -- I've been very vocal regarding how much I despise the Armand Is Alice theory, and so long as it persists I'll continue. Not because of this or that headcanon, but it's phenomenally misogynistic to erase women we haven't even seen onscreen yet for slash because eewwww no girls allowed. Like what in the circa 2007 misogynistic yaoi livejournal, TJLC ass theory are we doing here. But also because it would be terrible writing. The emotional impact of old Maniel as a character concept is that he's lived a full life, accomplished incredible things, and had relationships that were meaningful and that he also destroyed. He has these things because of Louis' rescue of him and Louis' words, and when they see each other again in 2022, the tangible impact of his great deed are written in every line on Daniel's face. I don't mind 'the Chase happened' truthers at all, but my God, you undercut everything when you suggest that it's Oops, All Armand, meaning Daniel never had a life fully lived and failings and triumphs he carries with him. You also ironically make DM less interesting by making him the only person in Daniel's life of any significance. Just. Take the character as we got him, my god.

21. If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like?

I have a whole Thing about how I'm a strident feminist who somehow hitched her wagon to this geriatric misogynist, but it is a part of his very distinctive voice, so I do like to dig deep with "what's the thing a man could say that would piss me off the most", and then I run it through the canon content (since his character voice is very particular and distinct), plus some meta works with Eric Bogosian, to see if it fits, sprinkle in some Freak Shit, and bada bing bada boom, we've got our favourite asshole. It's weirdly cathartic in a way? Exorcising demons of shitty men I've dealt with or known of I guess lmao. I would say in sappier moods I like looking for the gentleness and the silver lining underneath the ten layers of Having No Limits, and when I hit on what's tender but still plausible, aka my favourite Daniel moments? No better feeling.

The flipside of this, being what I don't like, is that keeping that voice up is hard and it is a challenge to stay as sharp and ten steps ahead as he is. Need to brush up on some Columbo, I think...

Madeleine Éparvier

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

My heart would really, really, really love to say yes, but my gut and my brain say a definitive no. For one thing, while they make it very, very clear she's not a Collaborator or antisemitic in the slightest, the way her wartime affair came about and her later actions betrays an amorality in those circumstances that I probably wouldn't be able to look past, outsiders though we both may be. I'm also one for obsessive morality-related thoughts in general, so I don't think this would jell especially well with her survivalist mentality. I'm also fluent in French but it's not my first language, so that would likely get on her nerves. And while we'd share an interest in fashion and I'd commend her for her tastes in both clothes and women, I feel like she'd see me as a bootlicker for my legal education lolol.

And most importantly - Madeleine is incredibly mean. It's hot, it's funny, it's sexy, but I am profoundly oversensitive, and she would absolutely make me cry several times lmao. I don't really know if there's any character on this show I'd be able to get along with because everyone is so delightfully awful and also, you know, murderous. But that's why it's fun!

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn’t matter?

Well, Claudia is her companion and soulmate, so that's the easy answer; they complete each other in a way that no one ever quite has. Two outcasts, two people brutally mistreated in societies to which they were supposed to belong, two women carrying pain and humour and brutality and softness, and growing flowers over the corpses they leave in their wake. She is the X at the end of Claudia's long journey, the reason she doesn't leap in the fire who did not think twice about burning at her side; she is the only one who reads Claudia's diaries with permission. Claudia is her window to the wider world, her rescuer twice-over, and the only person who meets her where she is, in strangeness and violence and joy, in sucking the marrow from the bones you leave behind you.

So...'best friend' is probably a very light way of putting it lolol.

But also? I genuinely think she'd get along with Daniel. Two unapologetic amoral assholes who defiantly faced their past trauma to sacrifice themselves for the one they loved. And they both bully Armand, too!

Thank you so much for this! Apologies again for the length.

[boywifesammy]

s5e11 sam, interrupted is THE EPISODE. it’s a fucking cinematic pipe bomb. watching it is like chewing on glass and swallowing propane. it is wonderful, it is amazing, it is EXCRUCIATING and i love it. allow me to explain.

(under the cut because i ended up rambling lol)

like, yes… it is extremely ableist. it is extremely offensive. it is an overdone harmful caricature of psych wards and horrific to watch but that is EXACTLY what makes it so good. i’ve never seen spn as a horror show but man this episode?? the psychological distress of it, the unease, the dereality??? it has me frothing at the mouth.

as someone who has tics and PTSD i have first hand experience being labelled as Crazy so that’s the lens i’m coming at this from. this episode is most definitely not a reliable source for mental health info but the way they portrayed martin’s character kinda got me. him stuttering over certain words, his general paranoia, how they clearly address that he went through a deeply traumatic event but that he’s still useful as a hunter even though he can’t do the things he used to before. i don’t think the writers intended for this episode to be viewed the way i did but man i am shaking it around in my cranium like a snow globe.

just the first few minutes of it is insane. dean acknowledging that sam was high on demon blood and that the apocalypse wasn’t his fault. seeing the absolute absurdity of the show in perspective with real life. dean admitting to his psych doctor that he's an insomniac, alcoholic, and incapable of holding long-terms relationships with his usual blase nonchalance, then immediately clamming up when she hits him with the "let's talk about your father." ??!!! i know dean is The daddy issues character but i love when they call him out like that.

and how can i Not point out the blatant assault and objectification… wendy forcefully making out with both sam AND dean. them both getting probed by the fucking monster of the week not even 10 minutes into the episode. SAM BEING TIED DOWN. i cannot explain to you how much i love seeing him restrained. the moment i saw sam tied down and angry i literally vibrated out of my skin that boy must be helpless and restrained more often it is beautiful.

on a sort of related note: high sam. yes. just yes. the little nose boop. him telling dean I Love You. getting all emotional about how much he cares about his brother. the themes of his autonomy being stripped. him being drugged up against his will when he’s a recovering drug addict????? INSANE.

also one thing that really stood out to me was dean being diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious delusions. which, yes, is inaccurate, but seems more like a misinterpretation of his PTSD symptoms. dean isn’t schizophrenic but he IS paranoid and he’s trained himself so thoroughly to weaponize his feelings that even to HIMSELF he seems narcissistic, when he’s really just scared and desperate. he externalizes his self-hatred as this overfed bravado but it’s because if he was honest about how he felt about himself the guy would simply fall apart.

expanding on that note… sam&dean meta on how they react to trauma & grief. dean immediately clams up and becomes anxious and terrified. he shrouds himself in so much false confidence but he genuinely hates himself so fucking much. so much that he just sits with his pain because he thinks he deserves it, while sam wants to externalize. he’s angry and that scares him because of what’s in his blood but the truth is that he has every right to be angry. he wants to be gentle but he has so much repressed rage that it bursts out of him and leaves him terrified in the aftermath. dean on the other hand wants to be angry but he’s so scared and critical of himself that he shuts down.

and the ending. my god the ending. dean telling sam to wrap it up and stuff it down. it’s excruciating to watch because dean’s advice is fucking shit but it’s also heart-breaking because it puts into perspective just how much these boys have on their conscience.

they PHYSICALLY cannot deal with their trauma. it is so awful and overwhelming that they could not function if they remembered it, so they forget about it. they push it down. they hide it away, and it’s so fucking refreshing to have an episode that acknowledges that they do that because THAT IS A TRAUMA RESPONSE. it is quite literally a SURVIVAL tactic. people who are severely traumatized will wipe their memory of traumatic events because they cannot function with it in the peripheral. this is a clear manifestation of sam and dean’s PTSD and how when they’re faced with these problems, their emotions take over and they completely lose themselves, whether that’s due to fear or rage.

the horror of this episode isn’t the wraith. it isn’t the silly little monster sucking out people’s brains. it’s the thing inside you. it is the imagery of these people hanging or with slit wrists being passed off as suicidal because they’re mentally ill. it is the ugly truth of trauma and the ways it twists your memory and self-worth. it is the inherent belief that someone is worthless if they are psychotic or paranoid. it’s the way the episode puts that perspective on sam and dean, shows them what it’s like to hallucinate and drags up their own repressed memories and puts them on full display. it is TRULY horrifying and it is GRIM and NASTY because it is about the human psyche and the horrible ways it can be twisted. it’s a fucking phenomenal episode if you can read the subtext and get past the whole “scary psych ward bad” wrapping.

[irregularbillcipher]

hey sam I apologize if this gives you psychic damage but your lisaposting always makes me think about how I first heard of the game recently because someone on twt was like oh the game is about a strong manly father providing for his child only to have people correct them on the game actually dealing with parental abuse and ive been curious about the game ever since

NO IT'S OKAY i have. seen that post. that person does not understand the game, to put it lightly

the game makes it really clear that while brad, the main character of the central game in the series, thinks that what he's doing is protecting his daughter, he is, in reality, perpetuating the cycle of abuse

tw for discussions of abuse below

brad is a deeply pitiable character, whose childhood was defined by physical, emotional and sexual abuse towards both him and his little sister, the titular lisa, at the hands of their father. brad's main goal as an adult is to protect his adopted daughter from the abuse he and his sister faced, which his sister did not survive-- so in his mind, when his daughter buddy goes missing in a (genuinely very dangerous) apocalypse, where she is supposedly the only girl left in a world of horrifically damaged men, he's protecting her by going after her. he's protecting her by teaching her to defend herself through any violent means necessary, he's protecting her by withholding physical and emotional affection, he's protecting her by completely isolating her from the world. and it's sad! it's pitiable! you can trace so easily how a man who went through what he did would come to the conclusion that this is the only way to protect his little girl, especially in a world where she can so easily be hurt

and the game doesn't even say he's wrong about the fact that buddy is vulnerable, and could be abused. the game never physically shows the worst acts of abuse, but it's clear that brad and lisa went through hell as children, and that buddy also goes through hell. she is abused after she leaves, people are disgusting to her, and even more "well-meaning" people still strive to take her autonomy away for the "good of the world"

... but she's also abused before then, even though brad never once lay a hand on her and would have rather killed himself than done so

because at the end of the game, (SPOILERS,) you kneel at your daughter's feet, dying a horrible death as your addiction consumes you in the most literal possible way, begging, telling her you only ever wanted to make it so nobody could ever hurt her, and she looks you in the eyes and says "you're the one who hurt me most." because you were supposed to be her fucking dad, and you kept her holed up in an affectionate-less home, down in a basement, training how to kill a man in case one ever tried to hurt her, refusing to even let her call you "dad" because of your own trauma around fatherhood, so trapped that she didn't even know what the sky looked like until she was like ten

and the last choice of the main game is you as buddy, trying to figure out if you want to hug brad as he dies, and his last words are asking you if he did the right thing

brad is a deeply sad character. he's a man who loved his daughter and wanted to do whatever he could to mitigate the harm that could come to her, to make absolutely sure she did not suffer in the way he and his sister did growing up... and he broke some of the cycles. he is not the type of monster his own father was, he really isn't, but he did abuse buddy, and that's the point of the ending. buddy didn't want to go back home, she couldn't go back home, because you never made it a fucking home, and you never acted like an actual parent

as a side note, there are other fathers you can pick up as party members in the game, none of which have still-living children. they are mad dog, olan, and birdie. thematically, i think they're incredibly important

mad dog is an abuser, full stop-- a man who killed his son for not being "strong enough," who hates his children deeply, whose views on parenting are the most social darwinist "survival of the fittest, we need a strong bloodline" bullshit on the planet. a lot of his deal embodies some of the horrible fears brad has about his own parenting, that he will become an out-and-out abuser, and some of the actions that brad really does take, in forcing buddy to kill to become "stronger." his reasoning is different from mad dog, but the abusive action is there, and the conversation you can have with him in the newest update is framed as if you're being welcomed into hell. it's hopeless, bleak, deranged and cruel. it's one of brad's worst fears for himself

olan is a genuinely pleasant, likable guy, who had two daughters before the end of the world. olan did not kill his children, he did not hate his children, he did not seem to ever lay a hand against his children... but he neglected them. he neglected his girls, he neglected his wife, "even when he was there, he wasn't really there." he would have rather spent his time in his garage, downing whiskey and practicing archery, and in the newest update, he tearfully tells brad that his daughters never needed him anyway, that girls never really need their fathers. brad was also neglected, his father was an addict, he is an addict-- olan is another facet of brad's family trauma, another fear of what he could be. someone who never knowingly hurts his children, who is never cruel, but someone who fails his kids anyway. we never learn olan's daughters' names. he talks about them, some of their traits, but he never names them. after more than a decade, it's possible he doesn't even remember them-- he's not responsible for their deaths, but god did he fail them

birdie was, as far as canon implies, a decent dad. (and my favorite character, he's my icon.) birdie is, in his current state, a sweet but incedibly messy alcoholic mourning the deaths of his boys, but pre-apocalypse, he was a single father struggling to pay for his sons' medical treatments. there is nothing in birdie's backstory that implies in any way that he abused them, was cruel to them, or that he ever purposefully neglected them. his son joey died to a serious illness "that couldn't be treated on a dock worker's budget." his son jimmy killed himself after the death of his brother. (i think it's notable to mention that brad's sister, lisa, also killed herself.) birdie could not cope with the loss of both his boys, and it kickstarted his addiction. brad, who grew up in poverty, who is raising a daughter in a world where nobody can know she exists, has never had resources. birdie also never had resources, as a single dad with a tight budget, and no other family ever mentioned. birdie, in modern day, eats himself up with guilt, does anything he can to numb the pain-- it's pretty easy to draw a parallel between his addiction, spurred by his inability to save his family, and brad's addiction, fueled in large part by his inability to save lisa. birdie did care, he didn't do anything wrong, but he also failed his kids, and he's also now been defined by that

mad dog is brad's fears that he will be an abuser. olan is his fears that he will be neglectful, (with fears due to his addiction being sprinkled in as well.) birdie is his fear that even if he technically does everything right, chance, a lack of resources, and things beyond his control could still make him lose his daughter anyway. (birdie also plays into his fears about addiction, i think, because while birdie's time struggling with addiction never overlapped with the period where his boys were alive, brad's still being faced with an alcoholic father, and someone who uses alcohol and drugs to cope with the loss of young family members and the guilt over being unable to save them. it's also worth mentioning that birdie has design similarities to both brad and to brad's horrible father marty, despite being the only "good" dad in the game)

there is no father in this series that saves their child. from the horrible, no-gray-area-about-it abusive monsters to the shitty-but-never-cruel deadbeats to the guys who seemed to genuinely be doing their best with the cards they were dealt-- none of them, none of them save their children. none of them, including brad, and the idea that lisa is about some righteous quest to save your daughter is so insane that even brad doesn't fully believe it by the ending moments of the game

[northlight14]

Ok so while it’s not my least favourite episode (cough cough happy campers cough cough) I genuinely really hate the episode Western Energy of Helluva Boss. It has a lot of potential definitely and a few good moments but for me that was kinda where season 2 noticeably fell off for me and only recently has it started to come back and I’ve started to enjoy Helluva Boss again, though admittedly not as much as season 1. So in the sincere hope this post isn’t going to result in me getting sent death threats, I wanna share how I personally would improve the episode

Mine and other people’s biggest issues with that episode from what I remember is that the pacing is just honestly horrific because they tried to fit in too much into one episode. And then also just that the B plot was boring, ridiculous and made Luna into a literal dog. I know that Luna’s voice actor was dealing with some stuff at the time which is why she wasn’t in a position to do any voice acting which is fair enough but there was such a better and easier way to get around that which I’ll get to in a minute

First things first, I’d have the episode split into two separate episodes, the first episode being released focusing on Blitzo and then the second focusing on Moxxie and Millie rescuing Stolas. The first episode starts where the I.M.P gang are gonna go and do an assassin mission (I say this because at this point in the series, the Imps haven’t been on a killing mission since Ozzies and even then it was just a throwaway thing at the beginning. The last time we saw them actually do their jobs was Cherubs or arguably Truth Seekers but I don’t really count they since they weren’t hired to kill D.O.R.K.S). We maybe then get a throwaway line about how Luna can’t help because she’s doing something else, doesn’t want to, or my personal favourite, she’s with Octavia for the day because she got told that Octavia’s parents are out talking about their divorce and she’s being her emotional support for the day. That way, even though we aren’t seeing it, we get some subtle development of their sister relationship behind the scenes.

Anyway, just as they’re about to go, the Imps get a call from Stolas about how he’s being kidnapped and Blitzo is just like “ok I’ll go deal with the killing, you go deal with him”. The rest of the episode follows Blitzo on the assassination mission and all that, potentially getting some subtle hints about things not going great with Moxxie and Millie but Blitzo is obviously too wrapped up in his own shit to notice and also we maybe play on those insecurities about him being alone, or scared of losing people. Maybe some aspect of the mission makes him run into an addict and that makes him think about his sister, hence why he’s so eager to find her in Happy Campers.

Anyway, Blitzo gets the mission done and everything is good except he and then the audience sees Stolas being rushed to the hospital, and we get the line “he can get hurt?” And boom end of episode. No one knows what happened or if he’s ok

Cut to the next episode which follows Moxxie and Millie saving Stolas and we’re finally allowed to know what happened. A few details I’d change though would be keep Strikers intimidating presence rather than just making constant jokes and comments about how cool and hot he is or whatever. Some of that is ok but in this episode when Striker is literally kidnapping one of the main cast, and he’s the only one who has the ability to actually kill that character, it shouldn’t feel like the show itself is in love with him.

Second, use this opportunity to focus on how well the M&M’s work together and their individual strengths. It’s such a minor detail but it annoys me, why the fuck was Millie the one distracting a dude in one scene while Moxxie was going on a killing spree in the background when it’s been shown multiple times that their strengths are when that’s reversed. On top of that, there can also be some hints about what their weaknesses are while working together etc. idk I just want the M&M’s fleshed out more in terms of how their differences work as a couple as well as when they’re apart

This second episode would go back and forth between the M&M’s and Stolas and Striker but for the most part everything else would be the same. The M&M’s obviously save Stolas and he gets sent to the hospital. That’s when we get to see the text messages between Stolas and Blitzo, then end of episode

Hope this made sense and obviously this is just my opinion. Remember, just because you like something doesn’t mean you can’t critique it or say how it could be better. And you’re allowed to disagree with me, this is just how I would’ve went about it

[tabithatwo]

“Why do you keep watching the show if you hate it so much?”

Not publishing one of the asks because I’m not rewarding the bad behavior lmao but this is such a consistent refrain for me (still!) in asks AND reblogs AND comments etc and I’m gonna get real with you in hopes people chill out (not just in my inbox but in others), because last time I answered one of these it did slow for a while. This is going to be my don’t make me point to the sign post, I’m not going to talk about it again but I will likely reblog when it comes up.

I’m a nurse and I worked through the worst of covid. I’m not going to get into the details of that because ifykyk and if you don’t I can’t begin to describe how fucking horror movie trauma fest it was. Take whatever you’re imagining and multiply it by a hundred. I was working constantly in horrific conditions being retraumatized daily and having no way to deal with it AT ALL. I’ve had addiction issues in the past. I started smoking again. I could feel other shit trying to creep it’s way in.

Enter: yellowjackets. I hadn’t hyperfixated on a show or movie or book in years (since childhood really) but it CLICKED into place for me. So this show (plus writing for it—learning to write, having something to think about that was creative and not destructive because when you’re surrounded by death you start to feel destructive, practicing hours and hours a week) actually stepped in and took that place. I even stopped smoking cigarettes eventually.

Then my other favorite comes in: “actually you can enjoy things more if you stop obsessing over them”

I have adhd. My brain goes HARD. That’s literally NOT how my brain works. I LIKE obsessing over details. I don’t CARE if it’s meaning making from nothing. I intellectually UNDERSTAND when it is. I interact with the world this way. I promise you that I know the limitations, but I also promise you that it doesn’t ACTUALLY make my experience negative. I don’t think having critiques of things I’m obsessed with hurts my experience and quite honestly, I don’t have a BRAIN that has EVER allowed me to not think critically and analytically about ANYTHING. So I don’t know what I’m missing out on and I can’t just make myself experience it lmao like this is who I am! I’m used to operating this way and it’s my only setting tbh.

I DONT hate the show. I LOVE it. Like so very fucking much. I see a stark difference between s1 and s2, I personally liked the things in s1 that are not present in s2 more, I personally hope that s3 ties in some of the old theme, vibes, editing styles, and narrative build of s1. You do not have to agree, you can think they’re the exact same or even that s2 is 100x better. But I’m probably going to continue being hyperfixated on this show. I’m going to continue caring deeply. I’m going to continue analyzing deeply.

Is that healthy? I don’t care! I would rather be addicted to a tv show and writing about my little lesbians than actual substances! It positively impacts my life, even if I’m feeling a lot of disappointment right now. I’m upset because I care, I care because that’s how my brain is hardwired, and I wouldn’t want to change that if I tried because this show and learning to write and actually sticking to a healthy hobby for once in my life is really fucking amazing to me.

If you don’t like ever seeing any criticism of this show, I would invite you to ask yourself why it upsets you so much that you need to try and push someone into leaving their own space. If nothing comes to your mind or your heart or you simply don’t want to reflect, block my fucking blog. It’s a fucking button. Press it. You’re not going to make me shut up lmao trust me, I don’t function like that <3

[melrosing]

How are you doing? How's your dad? How did that date go?

I hope you're doing well and that your dad is doing better. I'm sorry you got pulled tangentially into the cycle 264615 of 'which pre-teen stark girl is better' but you handled it like a champ!

Keep up the good work! Praying for you, your dad, and your family!

Aw anon thank you for checking in that’s really sweet ❤️ I am okay as things go!!! I think finally getting out of that job (and getting out with money as opposed to getting fired or feeling forced to quit) feels pretty fucking good so I’m on a bit of a high from that and thriving off of the schadenfreude for all the work I’m leaving them with 👹

and dad literally just finished radiotherapy today 🙌🏻 he’s doing really fucking well tbh, like as grim as the prognosis was I think everyone in the family and everyone at the hospital is v impressed with just how well he’s doing mentally & physically, he’s way ahead of the curve

AND the DATE idk my brain may have switched slightly on that guy LMAO he didn’t even DO anything wrong I’m just like. over it a bit. I’ve agreed to see him again but kind of not feeling it. laugh in my face if I marry him in a year

but yeah you know what when your dad’s got fucking brain cancer it’s difficult to take the stark girl stan war too seriously. anyone else struggling with an addiction to asoiaf discourse I recommend just getting a bit of genuinely horrific personal news and then u can be just like me, in my lane, screaming

anyway THANKS anon you are very kind xxx

[gorbalsvampire]

Hope it's still okay to send you asks for that VtM character meme?

For Penny: Life 4, Death 14?

For Sorcha: Death 13, Clans 4 (but specifically for the non-Giovanni precursors)?

It's always OK.

Did they have any vices, addictions, or mental illnesses? Which carried over into death?

Besides her Catholicism, and the chip on her shoulder the size of a small house? Not really. Penny was quite horrifically depressed when she died, but her life had been systematically ruined from outside for the last three years. Her general personality - the haughty posh girl who knows she's cleverer than almost everyone and isn't quite clever enough to shut up about it - was acquired young, though.

Have they ever Frenzied? What happened?

Heheheehe... yes. Yes she has. And Penny's frenzy is a cold fury, a shaking, snarling, stalking state of dissociation that's surrounded by so much meat. Her quarters in the slaughterhouse haven are the old meat locker, and she keeps carcasses slung up as much for stress relief as study. Battering the shit out of a frostrimed corpse must teach you something.

Do they believe in Gehenna? How do they feel about Thin-bloods, and do they believe they’re a sign of the end times?

... does Sorcha believe that everyone believes the world's going to end somewhere, somehow, sometime? Absolutely. Does Sorcha believe in a lot of what she's heard about Gehenna? Absolutely not. Sorcha's planning ahead, for the world as is and as she wants it to be, and if it ends in the meantime, that's not something she can do fuck-all about.

As for the "time of thin blood" - Sorcha is a thin-blood, and recently got clued in to the "it's not thin-bloods existing it's you eating them" interpretation of that particular bit of prophecy. So the elders are setting themselves up to fail by bringing about their own apocalypse? Fuck 'em, then.

Being a thin-blood is all potential to Sorcha: her emergent fusion of necromantic and alchemic practices is going to break Oblivion wide open if she can just get a clue about where she's going. Thin-bloods are the wave of the future, baby - the next step in Kindred evolution - and if the sects don't see things that way, Duskborn just gonna have to represent.

(She talks a big game, but she's still very much under the protection of her family. It's possible that her whole neutrality kick is Hecata supremacy by another name... but two of her best friends and mentors are hardcore Duskborn activists, and knowing that she came in later than them and hasn't lived the hard life they have is either a spur for her ambition or a rod for her back. Depends how insecure she's feeling.)

…Clan Hecata (or their predecessor clans, Giovanni and Cappadocian)?

Cool as shit. She's only met a couple of Harbingers, at arms' length, but she's fascinated by them as these ancient death entities that seem as far beyond Kindred as Kindred do people. She knows the Naysan San Am exist but hasn't had much contact with them (yet, that's gonna change in... about a week's time). Sorcha was adopted into a post-Reunion clan, and as far as she's concerned this is the way it ought to be.

[the80srewinders]

this anon sent hella misinformation so I'm going to debunk all of it.

first off I never had an iPad? I hate apple, I only had an iPod touch bc it was someone else's old one and I didn't want it to go in the trash bc it's a collectors item. I don't even use it anymore.

and sure I hate the outdoors, but you don't need to go outside to have sense and be a decent person. people put too much emphasis on going outside and less emphasis on learning how to be a good person.

and most of my time indoors isn't social media time. I'm researching a lot of topics and learning a lot of skills that I can with my mental and physical disabilities. I want to be worth something and help people, so I learn how.

a lot of people with DID use social media because we're just like you? we deserve to have normalcy too. and social media hasn't done near the damage Hollywood has to us. ask any "real" did system.

npd and DID can be co morbid. in fact most people I've met with DID have npd. where did you get this opinion from, the narc abuse believers?

I never revealed too much about my trauma. I have kept much more secret than you know, the trauma I've shared is just the mildest or the safest to share. there is much more nobody will ever know.

my younger cousin wasn't my first abuser and you're acting like I said she was my only abuser. hell no if that was true I wouldn't have did because her abuse didn't happen in the DID development time frame. and you can be abused by people younger than you. what you said just erased elder abuse.

also two minors can't consent even if they think they do, it's not right for two innocent kids to fuck and it shows that the kids have been abused and need help.

and the fact I have disabilities makes what she did even more so abuse.

also, I never blamed a child for my disorders or all my trauma.

I never said I hated the ramcoa community. I said I didn't like how they make it seem like it's all cult abuse. there's other forms of ritual abuse besides cult abuse, and there's people who've been sex trafficked without RA or MC. there's survivors who are sensible and know that the ISSTD and dated stereotype that "ramcoa is mostly the most unimaginable cult abuse" is unrealistic and you'll find many of those. I just wish the ramcoa community focused less on cult abuse.

you can be trafficked in your own home. the person who sexually abused me first did so by making me their prostitute *and* they were being paid to do so with money they used to fuel their drug addiction. that, even if I was never "dramatically ripped from my mom's arms, sold and abused more horrifically than you can imagine" it legally counts as child sex trafficking because it's fucking prostitution of a child. and there are ramcoa survivors who have callback programming and feel worthless unless they're being abused. that's a fucking normal part of RAMCOA. that's what I have been expressing, that and invalidity caused by people in the "trauma survivor" community who say things like you.

also, abuse is not love. it might feel like it to a programmed system, but it is *not* love and I have alters who hate it and tell me how much they hate me for wanting abuse. these alters have made me cut and caused me to attempt suicide because we can't stand to be in the same brain with each other.

also, people with developmental disabilities, especially intellectual disability get abused more often. they're so naive that abusers use this.

and as far as hoping I get r@p3d again goes, I have been raped once again this year, and I've been sexually assaulted as recently as a few days ago. I felt hurt, scared and sad all of those times and thought "why did I want this to happen? maybe I deserve it. why am I not enjoying it like I thought I would?" don't fucking say shit like that because you don't know how much it can push a victim over the edge.

and I've been fighting suicidal thoughts like hell lately. I've came so close to attempting but haven't, I've self harmed a lot and go back and forth between planning suicide. reading that almost made me really do it.

also, I'm not Internet addicted? I rely on Internet to have a life because of how mentally and physically disabled I am. id love to put my phone and coloring books down and ice skate, ballet, hang out alone w friends irl, work, yk be a normal human and not a waste of space? unfortunately the Internet is the only place I can matter or be worth anything to anyone, I've tried making friends irl and have trauma with it bc all my irl friends left except one. I also put the "iPad" (that I never had LMAOOO) down and do other things, like paint, draw, make jewelry, write and therapy which you should get.

you've spent too much time on systemscringe. real systems are nothing like what systemscringe makes did/OSDD out to be. they spread misinformation just like ENDOS.

and no I ain't gonna kill myself, I wanna stay alive and spite all the haters.

[onedayimgonnasnap]

Characters Whom I believe that would be that one person “You got games on your phone” if MC brought a working phone with a charger and some how wifi-

PT: 2

Featuring: Dia, Tino, Jasper, Knight, Grayson, Sherry and Violet

Warning: Crack and Cursing

———————————————————————————

Dia: Good luck, he subscribed yourself to a Netflix, Disney +, Crunchy roll, Hulu, Amazon Prime etc. Knowing damn well you don’t have an income to pay for all of those apps-

He also likes learning from social media the differences between both of your worlds. But we’re here for crack so cut out the wholesomeness-

He started rage playing those stupid adds where the player purposely does bad to get you to download and guess what? He did download and now he’s huffing in gas breathing heavily playing it.

So now you have a lot of unnecessary games and Dia is now saying movie references and pretends not to know that it was while your freaking out.

—-

Tino: He goes on Facebook like an old lady and giggles at minion memes, he didn’t even watch Despicable Me on the apps that fucking Dia downloaded and got a membership on 💀

He goes out of his way to show it to you and Lynt and it’s really cute except it’s not funny what so ever

“:0 Look MC they’re little yellow monsters they look cute ☺️ This is so funny.”

That’s the minion meme he showed you. The laugh you pretend to give him was a lot more funny then the meme itself-

He also likes looking at cooking videos. And he saw the Duolingo memes everyone probably knows about the; “Looks like you forgot your Spanish lessons-“ and Tino took it seriously and started freaking out especially when he saw it downloaded and you had a notification on your phone.

He almost through it out a window but luckily Lynt was there to stop him 💀

—-

Jasper: bro made a Tinder and An Omegle account and thought it was a type of place to make friends but the dumbass was then greeted by those weird freaks on there

he also was roasted tf out of by lil ass kids because they said and I quote. “HA LOOK HE HAS GRANNY GLASSES-“ Bro cried.

Bro also likes to listen to rap song and likes rock music, he also saw the Emo style and ran with it. Bro became and edge lord over night.

He also likes to make those horrific IMovie movies. They’re low quality but everyone has fun. He does post it so- Now he’s a meme on the internet

—-

Knight: Good luck your fyp is now full of cat memes, cat videos and your camera roll? Cat pictures.

It’s really cute how he laughs at them.

Also bro download Fortnight- “TOA COME GET YOUR MIDGET-“

He learned so much curses and insults from playing with 5th grades and you can hear the yells from another fucking building- It’s scary how much anger he has locked in. 😦

Another thing is he likes Pokémon Go and animal Jam

—-

Grayson: He doesn’t use it that much but when he does, I like to imagine bro is a fanfiction writer 💀-

The other consorts pay him to write fanfiction about them and you. He has a Wattpad and tumblr account. He also has used your hard earned money for fan art commissions.

He also got disappointed when he found out you don’t have a printer for that monstrosity he’s been paying for 💀-

He also learned how to do TikTok dances and him, Roy and Sherry have all been making tiktoks.

He got addicted to Girls go games 💀

—-

Sherry: She learned instinctively how to use your phone it’s amazing how everyone else was like fucking Dinosaurs.

Also now has a TikTok Cult fan base and has more followers than Charli Damelio it’s amazing-

She also likes to go on Reddit and is now a Reddit user and it’s scary because she no has a high quality sense of humor.

—-

Violet: Immediately made a Tinder account for a date, is sad that they’re from another world. You’re jealous.

She payed Grayson to write fanfiction about you and her

She started giggling, kicking her feet, twirling her hair and while reading it and Fenn walks in to join her on reading “MC x reader” smut.

The look on your face when you got your phone back after one whole day was concerning.

She also likes to look at you camera roll and social media accounts and it all fun and games til she got a notification from one of your relatives with your old baby pictures.-

[possessionisamyth]

Original post for context.

Okay. @11cool​​ So I’m officially done with being polite. It is extremely ableist to say NO ONE would be happy with their disability and that they all wish they could fix it. Your grandfather’s personal experience does not represent the opinions of every single disabled person.

There are people who are disabled who are fine with their disabilities, and the main thing all disabled people want is to be treated medically with respect to their limitations so they can receive the help/support they need, to be treated with respect by society as people who don’t have to be inspirations or a tragic case in order to earn sympathy, and to drastically improve assistance they need to live because currently the government does fuck all to help them. How people feel about their disabilities depend entire on who they are and their quality of life. To say that all disabled people want to fix their disability and be able bodied is literally eugenics. So, whatever toxic opinions you’ve formed about disabled people, you need to unlearn them. And then you need to take the time to understand that everyone’s quality of life is different, you need to figure out what outside forces make them different, and you need to learn why those outside forces make them different.

As for the case of fictional scientists fixing their disabilities. You obviously haven’t read enough media in the horror genre, which Resident Evil is in, because if  horror scientists do not already have body prosthetics, they do FAIL in fixing their disabilities. 9/10 they become horrific mutations of themselves that they’re terrified of and angry about, or they become extremely dependent on their “cure” like an addict. In their efforts to preserve their own humanity, they circumvent it and are forced to deal with the  NEGATIVE consequences. And this isn’t even a new concept. The only exception to this is the opposite end of scientists who revel in their mutations and/or prosthetics. And Luis is no longer trying to be a mad scientist, he’s someone who wants to help people, so no. He wouldn’t fucking heal his disability. If anything. he’d look at all the lives he ruined and would take living with a disability as a fair trade where he got off great! He wouldn’t re-infect himself with the plaga after going through so much effort to remove it from Ashley and Leon and HIMSELF. He also CAN’T be re-infected with the plaga due to the removal and the antigen he took. That’s why Saddler is so pissed when he tries to control Leon at the end and fails, because he knows Leon can no longer be controlled meaning he must be killed.

Finally, the notes you’re talking about.

This one very obviously implies Luis plans to take his knowledge of how to safely remove the plaga with him once he is in safety. He would then give that information to federal parties dedicated to the cause against B.O.Ws like, idk, the fucking BSAA! He’d have to most likely perform under an alias since his ties with Umbrella would have him at best arrested in his home country or at worst executed before he could be of any help.

This literally states what I told you in that he was going to give the amber to Ada, so he can get the fuck away from Saddler BEFORE taking any action against him.

And this! Literally shoots your personal interpretation of how he was going to use it to beat Saddler , because he was going to use the amber to RESEARCH IT. With a sample that’s stronger than Saddler’s plaga, and since he is physically unable to re-infect himself, Luis would research the best ways to KILL the damn thing like he was already doing for the regular plagas.

He plans on getting himself out ALIVE. He then plans on getting away from the organization he’s put his hands into ALIVE, because he knows all the research and the knowledge he’s attained is what’s the most valuable about him, and he wants to use his knowledge for good. He would not nor ever go freaking monster mode. That’s the last thing he’d ever want.

So in summary, go fuck yourself.

[hella1975]

I think you’re gonna understand this just based on how you’ve written tams so far so I’m saying this to you because I’ve known so many people who are just awful about this but one group of people I’m more fiercely protective over than any other are homeless people. I’ve known so many people who are so hateful towards them and blame them for being homeless or think they’re all drug addicts or crazy which is still like. At that point there should be systems to prevent people that are addicts or mentally ill from ever facing homelessness but either way no one should be homeless, it’s not their fault and it’s a huge punishment for things like “not budgeting”. On top of that I worked at a store where our most stolen product was baby formula at the height of Covid when the prices for them skyrocketed. All of my coworkers were always so infuriating saying that they’re stealing it away from moms to cut their drugs with, none ever considered that maybe they were moms doing anything they could to feed their babies. Anyone who steals food, I never reported or look down on them, they are doing anything they can to feed themselves and I’m not going to stop that. I know how bad homeless shelters are and food banks, I know how common it is for things to be stolen and to get beat up just for being there or raided by police. Sometimes they’d sit outside our store or even shop and my manager wanted me to kick them out. They were never doing anything, most never even asked for money! They needed shade, a roof and ac for a few minutes from the heat or rain! There was a tropical storm once and we were forced to keep the storm open but when homeless people came in they wanted me to kick them out then too, to go where?? They wanted me to throw them back onto the streets in dangerous weather and for what. We got stolen from all the time, genuinely it would’ve made no difference. Most people who stole looked like rich tourists stealing our alcohol or teens stealing makeup but they never said we could kick them out. Likely because they could defend themselves, if nothing less than in court. Maybe it’s because I almost ran away as a kid and I researched into being a homeless child at like 10ish and saw how horrific it was from people who’ve been there before so I stayed home out of fear but I can’t imagine having no sympathy for other people. Even if they steal, how could you blame them? They are just trying to survive. Especially if they steal from Walmarts or targets or whatever, they is about as “ethical stealing” as you can get. I can’t imagine looking at someone who has nothing and does what they can to not starve and just making it to the next day and deciding you hate them and being filled with rage over them being in public. No one would choose that life, I promise they’d love to work and make money if only anyone would hire them. Nothing makes me more filled with rage and sadness than seeing someone hate or be mean and aggressive towards homeless people. The same people have more sympathy over a stray cat than a homeless person and I genuinely don’t understand that

no i completely agree with you on ALL of this it's the basic 'you're closer to becoming homeless than you are to ever becoming a millionaire' like it literally just takes one bad financial turn and that could be you. it really baffles me that if people can't at the very least empathise with homeless people from a humane perspective of the fact they're, oh i dont know, real life actual people with feelings, then you could at least empathise from a self-preservation standpoint because that could be you. that could be you so fucking easily. homeless people have not failed morally to get there. they didn't get judged by some higher power and were found lacking. they are just people. and the same way money breeds money, poverty breeds poverty. if you're homeless, you dont have a home address, which means you can't apply to jobs, which means you can't get an income to GET a home, on and on in a hundred different cycles. it's called the poverty TRAP for a reason.

[ilikeyoshi]

me, i'm a stubborn piece of shit who NEEDS to talk my shit out, but who has issues that scare and upset friends Even When they know i won't do anything or hurt anyone. like. a good therapist can just WITHSTAND the raw, vitriolic shit that is human trauma better than any friend, even if that friend literally is also a therapist. i don't think it's POSSIBLE to not be affected when someone you love is telling you how angry/sad/scared they are.

but my best therapists were always the ones that were sympathetic, like a friend would be, while also visibly not daunted by my shit. like. the ones that know feelings =/= morality. the ones that don't shut me down, but help me actually look at the feeling and understand it. and i just don't think you CAN get that with friends, even the bravest ones, because the weird effect of having a good therapist is...

when they're not scared of you, YOU'RE not scared of you. it's surreal, but like, i can tell my therapist the most horrific shit i've experienced, whether from another person or from my mental health, and it's a lot easier (with time! it's not at all immediate; you have to build trust and they have to prove they can handle what you trusting them reveals) because i can't scare her. she knows i'm a good person who doesn't hurt people or break things, even though i have those urges. she knows my feelings aren't my morality; my delusions aren't my morality. what i FEEL, what i THINK and what i DO UNDER THE DURESS OF MENTAL COLLAPSE are not my morality.

and my friends know that too—i hope—but it's hard as fuck to hear a loved one struggling and not be affected. and for me, seeing them affected, that makes everything worse. i don't like scaring or worrying my friends. i don't like asking them to help me through something neither of us are equipped for.

but like. anyway. i'm a stubborn piece of shit who needs to talk it out, so i looked for as long as it took. i got lucky with a couple GOOD therapists first, then i had a SLEW of awful ones. ones that demeaned me for anxiety (yknow, that thing even bad therapists are supposed to be good at), called my past good therapists idiots, treated me like a drug addict (as if that would be warranted or appropriate even if i WAS an addict)—made me question if good therapists EXISTED in bright red states.

and then i found one! and then, when she realized she wasn't equipped for what i was dealing with, she recommended me to an EVEN BETTER ONE.

and like. it's fucking hard. i won't sit here and tell you you definitely won't struggle to find a good one. but i think, if you need to talk, if talking helps you, and especially if talking to your friends makes you feel worse most of the time, you could benefit from a good therapist. and for me, i knew it'd be worth it to find a space i could say All The Shit and finally not scare or worry or affect people.