#blame shifting

[balkanradfem]

religion will be like, it's because women talk to animals and eat fruit that childbirth is so painful, and the soil so hard to work! Not because we took away all of the midwives and created horrendous agriculture practices

[darkpoeticsoul]

Gaslighting flips the script. They hurt you, lie to you, manipulate you—and then when you react like a human being with emotions, suddenly you’re the problem.

They won’t talk about the disrespect or the chaos they caused. Nope. They’ll zero in on how you cried, how you are hurt, how you shut down. It’s all designed to shift the blame, erase the original wound, and make you question your reality.

This isn’t just toxic—it’s calculated. And once you see it, you can't unsee it. Your reactions aren’t the issue. Their refusal to take accountability is. Reminder: You're not the problem!

[dougielombax]

Rewriting this since tumblr DELETED (or misplaced) the draft!

Somehow.

Anyway.

One thing I’ve noticed that colonizers, imperialists and their proxies tend to do with people they subjugate, is to shift blame for their own atrocities onto them.

“You did this to yourselves.”

And often saying that they deserved it.

Usually delivered with sneering condescension, an air of disciplinarian fury, and righteous indignation.

Followed by accusations of the subjugated people being “self pitying” and having a victim complex.

Which is usually followed by generations of denialism. Whether from the oppressor or their stooges.

Many such cases!

I’ve seen this thinking applied regarding atrocities committed against my own people (Ireland), Palestinians, Kurds, Armenians, Assyrians, Ukrainians, native Americans, and MANY other peoples both in the past and today.

It’s sickening.

[thepopoptic]

Just like Johnson in '68, Democrats destroy America, blame others, then drop out.

[mrkmciver]

#Haters

[messedupinfjthoughts]

#blame

Criticize me

Paint my wings black, and I will still fly.

Twist my words until they die.

Vilify me

Make me the villain in your story

Make me repeat to say I’m sorry.

Demonize me

Your therapists echoed she’s bad (she’s bad) (she’s bad)

To stay in this friendship would be utterly mad.

Antagonize me

You used my trauma as your weapon

While saying you have to protect yourself, I reckon.

Pacify me

Claim your words, were in good spirit.

Stabbing my wounds the next minute.

Come crucify me.

[bwhitex]

Democrat Party is The Party of Collective Narcissism

Recent footage from a CNN interview provides a compelling case study for the analysis of collective narcissism within group dynamics or political entities. This clip, serving as visual evidence, encapsulates the quintessential strategies that are indicative of such collective behavior. Specifically, it illustrates tactics such as changing the subject, blame-shifting, projecting, playing the victim, gaslighting, minimization, and rationalization. These strategies are emblematic of a group’s or political body’s tendency to mirror the behavioral patterns commonly associated with individual narcissistic personalities. The application of this framework to the observed interaction within the interview offers a deeper understanding of the underlying psychological mechanisms at play in collective narcissism.

Introduction

Collective narcissism is a psychological phenomenon where a group possesses an inflated self-conception, dependent on external validation and praise. Members of a collective narcissist group often exhibit selective outrage, particularly sensitive to criticism aimed at their own group while readily pointing out faults in others. For example, in the political realm, one might observe a collective narcissist group emphasizing historical racial injustices perpetrated by whites, holding white individuals or groups to rigorous standards of accountability for past and present racism, while simultaneously dismissing or downplaying the group's own racial biases or instances of discrimination. This is and has been manifesting into a one-sided narrative that all societal issues stem from historical white mistakes, often ignoring or minimizing the group's current missteps or potential for prejudices.

Democrats as Collective Narcissists

In-Group favoritism, collective narcissists exhibit extreme partiality towards their own members. It’s called identity politics and if you don’t vote instep or “identify” as such, well you’re going to have at minimum subtle forms of social control applied to you. Out-group erogation, they disparage heterosexual white folks, largely targeting the male population, who challenge their superiority through diving and showing up at their houses with borderline aggressive protests, and some actually call for acts of violence. For example the severed Trump head, by a former famed actress a few years ago.

They act with aggression in response to threatened ego, they react defensively, sometimes aggressively, when their group's prestige is questioned. Then there is this denial of reality and facts, they frequently deny or distort facts that do not align with their self-image. They seek constant admiration and affirmation for their “social justice” activism and beliefs. They crave and actively seek affirmation of their group's perceived grandeur.

Changing The Subject

The first strategy used is changing the subject, it is a common deflection technique to avoid uncomfortable topics. Holder reimagines a scenario in the conversation where the Republican Party acts like the Democratic Party's and instead of Democrats asking AG’s to investigate Trump. In this reimagined of what is really happening to Trump. Democrats are now the victims, these actions serve entirely different, purpose. It distracts the audience from reality of what is actually happening to Trump. Avoids highlighting their policy and related issue with the Trump administration.

Blame Shifting

Holder then blame shifts, after he re-imagines a real life political scenario where Democrats are weaponizing the Justice system and doing everything they imagined in this real life scenario to Trump. Instead Trump is doing it to them. The blame shift is so subtle and clever, but serves his agenda to shift blame away from any personal or Democrat party's past misdeeds, suggesting that it is actually the other party (in this case, President Trump and his administration) that is engaging in corruption. This blame-shifting moves the spotlight from his own actions or those of his political affiliates to the opposing side.

Projection

Holder may then project, accusing the Trump administration of engaging in the very behaviors for which he or his party are being criticized. This projection serves to muddy the waters, casting aspersions on the opposition while deflecting from his or his party's actions. Holder reimagined a scenario where democrats are not only victims, and saviors of Democracy but everything is actually happening to Trump now, is now being reimagined and projected on to the oppositional party as happening to them. This evident when Holder explains the relational scenario where high ranking officials ask a “compliant” AG or DOJ to investigate people they don’t like. This is exactly what happen to Trump.

Playing Victim

Which brings me to the next strategy, playing the victim. The interview on CNN (2023) demonstrates a classic instance of collective narcissism, where the interviewed party employs tactics such as changing the subject, blame-shifting but now plays the role of the victim, reflective of the patterns observed in groups with narcissistic tendencies. To Holder, the Democratic Party is the “real victim” here. This evidenced by Holder imagining the Democratic Party positioning themselves as unfairly targeted by Trump's camp, suggesting that they are the ones suffering under false accusations or partisan attacks. Nothing of real world evidence is being suggested as happening. For example, what is happening to Trump, now, like the law-fare, the lack of evidence to support two Trump impeachments, the Russian collusion of which the FBI agents involved in those investigations were convicted of actual wrongdoing, meaning the agents themselves who were in charge with investigating Trump, were actually the ones colluding with Russian Oligarchs.

Gaslighting

With a subtle display of gaslighting, Holder manipulates viewers by casting doubt on the integrity and intentions of the Trump administration, subtly diverting attention from concrete evidence of their actions towards President Trump. Former Attorney General Eric Holder commented on the issue, "Hunter Biden charges wouldn't have been brought in normal scenario" (CNN, 2023, 00:15). Before the blame shift, projection and playing victim, there was the truth. He’s correct these are not “normal times”, everything happening Trump now, is unprecedented. No one has used law-fare, to prevent an opponent from running for office. Why wouldn’t that rising political opponent not seek accountability? He reframes the discourse, suggesting that such criticisms are nothing more than partisan tactics aimed at discrediting the Democratic Party. This strategic narrative shift paints the Democrats as casualties of an "unjust" electoral process, besieged by authoritarian figures, rather than confronting the reality of the situation. The truth, as Holder veils it, is obscured by a narrative that avoids acknowledging the Trump administration's legitimate efforts to enforce accountability. This includes the invocation of program F and the dismissal of individuals who are excessively aligned with a regime characterized by pronounced collective narcissism. In essence, Holder is redirecting the conversation, insinuating that the push for accountability is an act of political aggression rather than a response to actual mismanagement or malfeasance.

Minimization

Which brings me to my third symptom, minimization. Minimization is evidenced when holder downplays the significance of any wrongdoing that he or his party might be accused of, which leaves the audience to assume that what he and the Democratic Party do are minor issues compared to the alleged corruption, and “authoritarianism”, within the Trump administration. When confronted with the notion of President Trump's reelection and the hypothetical appointment of a corrupt Attorney General, a figure like Eric Holder deflects the criticism by attributing the very issues present in the current administration to the hypothetical future one. This deflection serves as a mirror, reflecting the accusations back onto the accuser, a common tactic seen in political discourse.

Rationalization

Holder might conclude his defense with rationalizations, portraying any controversial actions from his term as unavoidable necessities dictated by the political environment. He asserts that these actions were the lesser evil compared to what he predicts would be the far more detrimental consequences of President Trump's potential appointees. Within this justification narrative, Democrats are depicted as the unwavering defenders of democracy. Conversely, Trump is labeled a racist, an accusation Holder presents as a clear-cut example of collective narcissism, implying that such a flaw could never exist within the Democratic ranks. This is underpinned by a mythology that claims people of color cannot be racist as they lack the systemic power to enforce such racism, a belief that shifts focus from individual prejudice to systemic injustice.

In this context, rationalization takes a more extreme form: the assertion that the Democrats must "save America from its voters." This is done through legal maneuvers and any means deemed necessary, painting the party as protectors in a dire situation. Such narratives echo classic Marxist ideology, which Holder suggests is also evident in the actions of the Chinese Communist Party. Both are seen as authoritarian entities that argue their overreach is in service of protecting the working class, the proletariat, from the resurgence of the bourgeoisie's dominance. In Holder's discourse, the collective narcissism of the Democratic Party is framed not as self-interest, but as a noble struggle to uphold the greater good against prevailing class enemies.

Conclusion

By deploying these tactics, Holder would be engaging in a form of collective narcissism on behalf of his political affiliation, effectively defending the group's image by deflection rather than by direct refutation of the claims presented. In this charged exchange, a CNN posed with a question regarding the impact of President Trump's reelection and his choice of a potentially corrupt Attorney General, someone like Eric Holder, with his contentious history, might instinctively employ collective narcissistic deflection tactics. This form of deflection would involve shifting scrutiny from his own past actions to the hypothetical scenario, thus avoiding direct confrontation with any personal allegations of corruption. By mirroring the current criticism onto the future possibility, Holder could artfully navigate the conversation, effectively accusing the opposing side of the very transgressions being discussed. This method subtly shifts the focus from his own controversies to those of President Trump, implying a "they do it too" narrative.

This maneuver is designed to sidestep direct accountability and instead redirects the conversation toward a critique of Trump's potential decisions, thus maintaining a strategic defensive stance. The suggestion here is that the hypothetical corruption of a future Trump-appointed AG is not only possible but is, in fact, a reflection of the current state of affairs — a tactic that serves to normalize and diminish the gravity of Holder's own past actions by comparison. Holder could respond with a variety of strategies typical of narcissistic deflection but tailored to a collective or political narrative: blame-shifting to other political figures or entities, projecting the administration's faults onto its adversaries, gaslighting the public into questioning the veracity of any criticism aimed at them, and rationalizing any questionable actions as necessary or misinterpreted.

References:

Golec de Zavala, A., Cichocka, A., Eidelson, R., & Jayawickreme, N. (2009). Collective narcissism and its social consequences. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97(6), 1074-1096. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0016904

Golec de Zavala, A., Peker, M., Guerra, R., & Baran, T. (2016). Collective narcissism predicts hypersensitivity to in-group insult and direct and indirect retaliatory intergroup hostility. European Journal of Personality, 30 (6), 532-551. https://doi.org/10.1002/per.2067

Marchlewska, M., Cichocka, A., & Kossowska, M. (2018). Addicted to praise: The role of positive feedback in collective narcissism's link with intergroup hostility. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 114(3), 374-393. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000117

CNN. (2023, December 8th). Eric Holder: Hunter Biden charges wouldn't have been brought in normal scenario [Video]. CNN Politics. https://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2023/12/08/hunter-biden-eric-holder-reaction-sot-lcl-vpx.cnn

[littlebellesmama]

The Quiet Game of Office Politics

In every workplace, beyond tasks, deadlines, and job descriptions, there’s something quieter but just as powerful shaping daily life: office politics. Whether subtle or overt, internal politics influence how people behave, who advances, and who feels stuck. It can be hard to spot at first, but its effects are lasting. What Is Office Politics? Office politics refers to the informal,…

[xxdreamscapes]

you don’t even gotta finishing your lil blame shifting sesssion— trust I’m already halfway out the door . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ been there done that byeee

[bsahely]

The Problem Isn’t You — It’s the System: An LVOA Reflection on Personal Blame and Systemic Injustice | ChatGPT4o

[Download Full Document (PDF)] Modern systems of power have mastered a subtle but devastating psychological sleight of hand: they tell people that their suffering is a result of personal failure rather than systemic design. This narrative — the myth of meritocracy — serves to neutralize dissent, isolate the suffering, and uphold life-disabling structures under the guise of fairness. Kasper…

[nicksoulace]

I’m putting this post together for myself. For preservation, for validation, and because I deserve to tell my story in my own words.

This will be a list of the ways I was harmed, manipulated, and abused over the course of my relationship with my ex. It’s not for pity. It’s not for drama. It’s simply the truth; a truth I lived through and survived.

Everything will be under the cut to keep it respectful to people’s dashboards. If you need to step away at any point, please do.

TW: emotional abuse, gaslighting, sexual coercion.

�� He watched my Twitter for “a long time” before he even began engaging with it and with me, learning about my personality, my wants, desires, hobbies and interests to be able to mimic them back to me and so I’d fall for him as “the perfect partner” - basically he groomed me from the very beginning and none of it was an accident; it was premeditated and highly calculated

• Told me I was “pulling away” or “splitting” quite often because of the responses I gave (short - sometimes I was just fucking tired and didn’t wanna text like I’m fucking human gimme a break)

• Told me I was projecting my feelings and trauma/triggers onto him (I wasn’t and never did)

• Told me I was dramatic and “emo” for having emotions and finding ways to cope and ground myself (going for a walk, running, listening to music, taking a bath)

• Placed unnecessary and unhealthy expectations on me and the relationship and in the same breath tell me he held no expectations at all…

• Would tell me he doesn’t expect me to respond with long paragraphs of texts but would get upset and say he felt ignored and unwanted if I didn’t respond in the way he wanted (long paragraphs, responding to every single point he made without missing or skipping any, always using affectionate language and terms of endearment)

• Told me himself the reasons why I wanted to break up with him or that I was “splitting” when I tried to walk away (he managed to convince me to stay each time citing that it’s not what I really wanted, that I wasn’t in my right mind to make such a decision and that we were soul mates and fated to be together in some way anyway - I felt really fucking trapped and as if I had no way out)

• Asked for an unreasonable amount of affection imo and gave so much at one point I felt smothered and suffocated

• If I went to visit friends, family or go on holiday conversations would always devolve into an argument because my responses were much shorter and fewer and I wasn’t showing him as much attention during those times

• Similarly if I went to see friends, family or on holiday there would always be some sort of crisis or another that would immediately divert my attention back to him - for example he would “gluten” himself and make himself sick and he did something like this every single time without fail

• Love bombed me and bought me random, unexpected and unasked for gifts, then expected gifts in return or as an apology for an argument even though he knew I had no money to spare at the time (saving for a surgery privately)

• Asked for an unrealistic amount of reassurance so much so that it never felt like enough, like his need for it was a bottomless pit. I often felt that I had to micro manage his emotions for him as well as trying to keep the peace and avoid arguments. It would placate him for a while and then the cycle would repeat

• Said he didn’t expect or need sex but if I stopped initiating and didn’t want it he’d tell me he again felt unwanted and confused by my lack of affection etc (I thought I was ace at the time, dealing with body dysmorphia and just generally didn’t feel attractive battling with my own self image and identity as a gay man)

• Performed stealth non consensual acts while on call/cam and then would tell me after or let me see/hear him finish to “surprise” me with no prior consent

• Told me he’d ignore my safe word unless said twice and ignore body language (thank fuck it was long distance)

• Attempted to coerce me into sexual acts when I wasn’t ready, comfortable or enthusiastic. Would force ** roleplay in text even if I was busy, working, out in public/with friends or family and would ask me to sneak off and masturbate so I could send him pics/video/audio

• Would repeatedly tell me what he wanted to do to me if/when I visited and immediately entered his bedroom or in the Uber ride to his house just after stepping off a 12+ hr plane journey; which just made me extremely uncomfortable

• Wrote me into a sexually violent smut novella where I was the aggressor assaulting him “consensually” - I did not consent to being written into this fucked up fantasy

• Told me he wanted to mark me by cutting near my collarbone with the knife he sleeps with under his pillow

• Convinced me to be really vulnerable and submissive during intimacy where I ended up crying bordering on a panic attack and had me fully convinced that this was “healthy” and “healing” and “a deep emotional connection” when it actually went against my boundaries, wasn’t what I really wanted (in hindsight I was coerced) and it caused further trauma around trust, sex and intimacy - he did not stop by the way he finished and I don’t remember if he even asked me if I was okay I ended up throwing up and not eating that night

• I felt at times I was forced into role of submissive because that’s what he assumed of me and assumed I wanted without asking or clarifying - I think he saw me as more of a sex toy/sexual object than anything else

• Tried to use certain kinks to justify certain behaviour/actions even outside the bedroom which I wasn’t comfortable with

• Asked me not to talk to or treat him like a child but forced me into role of parent/caregiver at times (which played into one of his own kinks)

• Tried to get me into other certain types of kink and persuade me that it would help with my “trauma” and be a “healthy way to cope/heal” but in hindsight I don’t think it was about me or what I needed more that he just wanted that from me and used kink as a ways to get it and get me to comply but think I was autonomously choosing it for myself

• Told me he once kicked his cousin in the stomach out of anger as a teenager and for some reason I brushed it off as him being “young and stupid.” He might not be physically violent anymore but it shows in other ways

• Told me he kissed and made out with the same cousin growing up… make of that what you will

• Constantly contradicted himself (would often say he never said xyz, that he said abc, that I must have misinterpreted, or that he meant something else entirely, keeping me in a state of near constant confusion and never understanding what he meant or what he wanted) and then gaslit me to a point where I felt as if I didn’t know the truth or what was based in reality anymore

• I started having to use Google to look up basic words/phrases/meanings to check I was using them correctly and what they meant as I started to eventually second guess myself and what I was saying way more often than not, it completely killed the little self confidence I had

• He used my own words against me and would save and forward my old messages out of context back to me to prove himself “right” or prove me “wrong”

• Disrespected and disregarded boundaries and got upset, offended and emotional if I ever tried to set or affirm any which would lead to even bigger arguments and then gaslighting and deflection would occur and I’d feel guilty for even asking and trying to set any in the first place

• Would say he heard me and listened but would talk over me and re-explain himself/his actions all over again in order to defend his point further leaving me feeling cornered and confused

• I couldn’t show emotion because as soon as I did it would be made a mountain out of a mole hill but he would tell me I was “cold”, “shut down”, “masking”, “pulling away” etc if I didn’t show emotion at all or the appropriate emotions that he expected

• Would change his own opinion to match mine even if a few sentences ago his stance was completely the opposite - just another glaring red flag amongst a sea of others I missed

• Would emotionally manipulate me so that I either gave the “correct” response to end the disagreement or to drop my point entirely and just agree with him. If I didn’t some arguments would last for hours keeping me awake at times until 3-4am until he felt it was “resolved” but sometimes it would just pick up where it left off the next day

• Would not leave me alone during arguments even if I asked or begged

• Made jokes or tried to flirt immediately after or even in the middle of arguments as if nothing had just happened, it was incredibly disorienting and confusing. It was like a switch went off and it gave me emotional whiplash every single time

• Faked crying for sympathy and to get me to stop or drop my point/not break up with him. Even though it only happened a few times it would turn on at the drop of a hat, not last very long or peter out but instead just immediately shut off all at once. Every time I was left wondering if I had really just witnessed what I did..

• Bought me a journal/book to “work through my emotions” because he believed I was “struggling”, “splitting” and “pulling away” every time I went quiet, every time I had anxiety/bad body image day but again I don’t think it was ever actually about helping me but putting me in my place and having some semblance of control over me

• After a surgery he didn’t even wait very long before he was asking me to cam regularly again. I think he started asking around week 2-3 after I had the dressings removed but I was still sore, groggy, not sleeping well, and just needed some rest. He put his own wants above my needs (this is when things started to click for me and I distanced myself emotionally)

• Steamrolled over my friendships and asked explicit, sexually charged questions and made really weird, crude statements in a group chat with my mates who were asexual, uncomfortable with such a topic and pregnant - I messaged them all privately apologising for his behaviour

• Somehow managed to convince me to cut ties and end friendships with people I cared for, even people I’d known years prior to even meeting him. He’d tell me things like “they’re being inappropriate/vulgar with you because abc and xyz” or “they’re only doing/saying that because they want something from you/want sex.” When they were just hyping me up or paying me a compliment or whatever. And I was totally OKAY with people flirting with me or being affectionate as a friend. He kept me completely isolated and to himself in order to better control the narrative he was feeding me

[judiawoods]

Deflecting Reality

Have you ever noticed that when someone can’t face their own faults, they make you the problem instead? It’s easier for them to paint you as the villain than to confront their mistakes or take responsibility for their actions. By shifting the blame onto you, they create a convenient distraction from the truth they’ve been avoiding. But no matter how much they deflect or twist the narrative, it…

[robinwoodsfiction]

Writing Manipulative Characters

Let’s face it, writing manipulative characters is so much fun. Unfortunately, people do this in real life too. This post will help you build your deceitful character (and also help you identify when you are being manipulated in real life). Manipulation is a form of aggression. We all understand it when it’s overt, but covert manipulation is harder to detect. And, when the person doing the…

[xxdreamscapes]

diary 033025 | 10:47 am

on Western therapy;

I think it's rotted a lot of people's minds. This sort of rampant hyper-individualism, deeply ingrained, in full force.

I got really lucky with a someone who didn’t enable me when I took the wrong steps. One who, while honest, was kind and pushed me to choose better for myself. I wouldn’t have made it into adulthood without her guidance and support.

A lot of people go to therapy and cherry-pick the things they want to hear. They want to be validated when they perpetuate harmful or attention seeking behaviors. They’ll hide the details that reveal more of their nature and pretend like they’re the ultimate victim. I don’t want to end up like that, only listening to the people who tell me I’m in the right when sometimes I know I’m definitely not! 

We're not infallible creatures. We're imperfect, bound to make mistakes. Whether we learn from those mistakes is our own personal choice. & I for one, don't wanna live like some of you bitches

[gospelborn]

Are You a Victim or Villain?

When I lived in Kentucky, our next door neighbor was a woman in her eighties who had raised her children, raised her grandchildren, and was now in the process of raising her great-grandchildren, two scrappy boys; eight and ten-years-old. Their faces were often covered with Cheetos dust; her’s were lined with decades of care and woes. The rope of her family had frayed through the successive…