#the whole point i have for rewriting anything is because i think it's bad and i can do better to prove it

[incognit0slut]

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

Behind Closed Doors 2

You welcome Spencer back to the team with a special gesture of your own—and find yourself falling even harder for him after he opens up to you.

Warnings: (18+ MDNI) sub older spence my beloved, handjob, oral (m), spit kink?, semi-public (they are FREAKY), and idk if we can call this angst but we get to know how he feels about returning to work ~3.9k words

A/n: I didn’t plan for a part two, but rewriting scenes with specific looks of him is growing on me. Also, this happens before Emily tells him to teach seminars on his leave. And tell me what you think!!

He looked good in pink.

That was an understatement, the man looked good in pretty much anything. But today? Something was different. Something looked different. His whole appearance seemed to be on point than usual. You noticed his typically tousled hair was styled and swept back, which was a very rare sight, and it was hard for you to look away.

“…as you have obviously heard, Dr. Spencer Reid has been fully reinstated,” Emily announced, snapping you back to reality. “Welcome back, Spence.”

“Whoo-hoo! Yes!” Penelope cheered, only to be met by Emily’s pointed look. “That’s not the end, is it?”

Your boss shook your head and then proceeded to continue with another announcement. You stole a glance towards him again.

Maybe it was just really his shirt that made him look good? It wasn't even overly tight, but snug enough to accentuate the lines of his broad shoulders. Has his shoulders always been that wide? Now that you think about it, he did seem to be putting on a little weight. Not that it was a bad thing, and not that you didn't like how he looked before, but you couldn't help noticing how he filled out his shirt, and for some reason, it was doing something to you. 

Probably more than something because now you wondered what other places he filled out.

A sudden round of applause filled the room, and you joined in, tearing your gaze away from him only to find Matt Simmons grinning at you. You looked away and followed everyone as they shuffled around the room, making sure to sit as far away from Spencer as possible, although luck wasn't on your side when Matt settled into the seat beside you.

"You don't seem too thrilled about me joining the team," he murmured, leaning in close.

“What do you mean? I’m always open to new faces around here.”

“Not as excited as having an old member back, though,” Matt remarked, prompting you to snap your head at him, a slight frown forming on your face. He winked teasingly, and you groaned, shoving his shoulder away. 

“Ugh, do not wink at me.”

His laughter filled the air, but it quickly faded as the atmosphere in the room turned serious. Penelope began briefing everyone on the new case, and you did your best to mask your grimace every time a gruesome picture flashed on the screen. By the time Emily called out, “Wheels up in thirty,” you rose from your seat.

To talk to him or not talk to him?

You weighed the pros and cons, sneaking a quick glance at Spencer, who was deeply absorbed in studying the case files. The logical part of your brain told you it wasn't the best time to strike up a conversation, especially with only thirty minutes left until you had to leave. But there was something about him, it felt almost instinctual, like you were naturally drawn to him, and like a magnetic force, you couldn't resist.

Oh, fuck it—you decided to approach him.

Taking a deep breath to steel yourself, you made your way over to where he was sitting, trying to ignore the flutter of nerves in your stomach.

"Hi.”

"Hey," he greeted, looking up with a small smile at the corners of his lips. "What's up?"

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

"Sure," Spencer replied, his expression curious yet amused. He set aside the files he had been studying and turned his attention fully to you.

“In private?”

There was a brief pause, and you swore you could practically cut the tension with a knife. Then, with a deliberate slowness, he rose from his seat, his gaze never wavering from yours. You tilted your head back to look at him as his presence seemed to fill the room,and you couldn't help but hold your breath as you waited for his response.

“Of course,” he finally agreed, his eyes lingering on yours for a moment longer before he turned, leading the way to a more secluded spot, past the bullpen, past the glass doors, and down the hallway.

Once you were both out of earshot, he leaned in. “How private are we talking about?”

You nudged his side before guiding him towards the nearest office. As you stepped inside, your heart pounded in your chest, and you quickly glanced around the room to make sure it was empty. When you confirmed it was unoccupied, you turned back to see Spencer closing the door behind him.

Then everything snapped.

You weren't sure who made the first move, whether it was you or both of you acting on instinct, but before you could process it, his lips were on yours, his arms pulling you close, tongue colliding with your own. You gasped at his eagerness and wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him closer to you as you pressed yourself against him.

With a boldness you didn’t know you possessed, you pushed him against the nearest wall, your hands tangling in his hair as his hands found their way to your ass, squeezing lightly. A soft moan escaped your lips and he responded by deepening the kiss further. It felt like time stood still as you lost yourself in the heat of his mouth against yours, until you finally pulled back, your lips brushing against his jaw.

“What…” He gasped when your mouth trailed lower. “What’s gotten into you?”

“I don’t know,” you groaned into his neck, his scent filling your senses. Why did he have to smell so good? “I think it’s your hair.”

“My… hair?”

You pulled back slightly, your fingers tracing along the collar of his shirt, your eyes roaming over the exposed skin of his chest where the top buttons were left undone. “Or maybe it’s the shirt.”

“My shirt?”

“Yes!” You half-exclaimed, half-whispered, trying to keep your voice down. “I think I’m ovulating and you’re not helping.”

Spencer's eyes widened in surprise, a flush creeping up his neck as he processed your words. "Oh," he managed to say. “I didn't expect that.”

"Sorry," you apologized, feeling your cheeks warm with embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to—”

But before you could say anything else, his expression softened, and his grip on your hips tightened. "Hey, it's okay," he reassured you. “It’s common for women to experience changes in their hormones during ovulation. It's completely natural and nothing to be embarrassed about."

You looked up at him, your hands sliding down his chest. “Yeah?”

He nodded. “Yes, it’s just your body doing its thing,” he said reassuringly. "And honestly, it's kind of flattering to know that... I have that effect on you."

A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips as your palms drifted lower. “What else do you know about this stuff?”

“Well, around the time of ovulation, a woman's body produces more estrogen, which can increase libido—”

His breath hitched when his eyes fell on your hand resting over his pants.

“What?” you prompted, a playful glint in your eye. “Why did you stop?”

Spencer's cheeks flushed slightly as he met your gaze. "I, uh…” He cleared his throat. “I was just going to mention that… increased estrogen levels during ovulation can also lead to heightened sensitivity in erogenous zones—”

But his words trailed off into a sigh as you palmed his arousal over his pants, feeling the hardness beneath your touch. He was undeniably aroused, and the way he responded to your touch only fueled you even more. With a mischievous grin, you ran your palm up and down his length, feeling him throb in response before letting out a playful giggle.

You didn’t realize it would be this fun to be the one doing the teasing.

“Tell me more, Spence.”

He swallowed hard before managing to speak. "W-Well,” he stammered. "Increased estrogen levels can also... enhance blood flow to certain areas, leading to heightened sensitivity and... uh, increased pleasure—”

But before he could finish his sentence, you applied a little more pressure, causing him to let out a low groan of pleasure. His words faltered, his focus shifting entirely to the delicious sensation of your hand stroking him. Your eyes traveled down, watching the way his cock pressed against the fabric of his pants, noting how thick and hard he was. 

But as your gaze lingered, you caught sight of the time on your watch, and reality came crashing back in. You reluctantly pulled your hand away from him, and Spencer blinked at your sudden withdrawal, his desire-clouded mind trying to focus on you.

“What's wrong?” He whispered. “Why did you stop?”

“I… I kind of got carried away, I’m sorry," you noted. "We should probably get back before they start to wonder where we are."

He went still, and so did you. The room’s air conditioner hummed softly, filling the silence as you both simply stared at each other. When he didn’t respond, you slowly backed away and moved toward the door, but his grip on your arm stopped you. You turned towards him, eyebrows raised while he seemed to hesitate to say the next words.

After a moment, he sighed, his gaze softening as he finally found the words he was looking for.

“The other day, after we… you know,” he emphasized, and you nodded, urging him to continue. “I had to deal with this myself.”

His eyes flicked over the bulge in his pants and you stifled a laugh, amused at his sudden fluster. “Yeah, you said you were going to ignore it.”

“I didn’t,” he replied. “I couldn’t.”

“And?”

“And…” he hesitated, his gaze flickering away for a moment before meeting yours again.

There was a moment of silence until you realized what he was implying. You gasped, the hand he wasn’t holding covering your mouth in shock. “Here?” you asked in disbelief. “At work?”

His cheeks flushed, but he nodded sheepishly. “Yeah,” he admitted. “In the bathroom.”

“Spencer,” you exclaimed in a hushed tone, “That’s...”

“I know, I know,” he cut in, his tone self-deprecating. “But in my defense, it was all your fault.”

You giggled. “Me? I barely touched you!”

"Exactly, but it was enough to drive me crazy,” he said, and when he saw you laughing, he gave you a deadpanned look. “It’s not funny.”

“Oh come on, it kind of is.” You shook your head in amusement. “Why are you telling me this?”

He hesitated for a moment, his eyes searching yours. “Because I don’t want to leave this room and deal with it by myself again.”

Your eyebrows shot up. “Is this your way of asking me to touch you?”

His eyes widened almost cartoonishly wide, the flush creeping up his cheeks contrasting against the paleness of his skin, making his reaction all the more apparent.

“Please?”

You couldn’t suppress the grin that tugged at your lips. “Spencer, we only have…” You glanced over your watch. “Fifteen minutes left.”

“I can probably finish in five.”

You bit your bottom lip. How did you end up in this predicament all over again? Although this time, you felt like you had the upper hand, and somehow, it was strangely exciting to see him so affected, to have him practically begging for your touch when you were supposed to be in a hurry.

He looked at you expectantly. How could you say no when his eyes were wide and pleading? 

“You know what?” You turned to him fully, taking a step forward. “I think you deserve it. It’s your first day back, after all.”

Before you could second guess yourself, you reached for him again. His breath hitched slightly as you undid his belt and slowly lowered the zipper of his pants. His arousal strained against the fabric and you briefly met his gaze. Without a word, you slid your hand inside his pants, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips.

He felt full in your hand and painfully hard. When his response was nothing but his ragged breathing, you reached for the waistband of his briefs with your other hand, pulling down slightly until his cock was freed from its confines. 

“Spence, you’re so…” Your voice trailed off, eyes fixated on him. The tip was thick and bulbous, a deeper shade than the shaft where pulsing veins ran up the long length. You were mesmerized by his size; it wasn’t too big nor too small, just perfect.

“You’re so pretty.”

His eyes fluttered closed for a moment before he looked back at you. “You think so?”

You nodded, feeling the heat and the weight of him in your grasp. A droplet of wetness glistened on the tip, and unable to resist, your thumb brushed along it, earning a sharp intake of breath from him as his hips instinctively bucked against your touch. With a newfound confidence, you wrapped your hand around him, feeling his hardness pulsating against your palm. 

The skin was soft as you’d expected, warm to the touch, but his length was stiff and throbbing when you squeezed. If you stayed still, you were sure you could count his heartbeat. As your hand moved up and down tentatively, trying to take in every detail of his member, you couldn’t believe you were finally feeling each vein that bulged up his shaft.

“Do you mind if I spit on it?”

He let out a low groan, his head falling back against the wall. “No.”

“Really? Coming from someone who’s germaphobic?” You smiled amusedly. "I thought you'd be more concerned about hygiene."

"I'll make an exception for this."

You couldn't help but laugh at his response. Trusting your instincts, you craned your neck down and let the liquid spill from your mouth, coating his tip in a steady flow. Your saliva glistened in the light, slowly trickling down the length of his cock. Then you began to stroke him gently, you felt him respond eagerly, his breaths growing heavier and his hips rocking gently against your hand.

His head fell back against the wall, his breath coming in ragged gasps. “God, that feels…” 

Feeling a surge of pride at his reaction, you couldn’t resist teasing him further. “Is this how you touched yourself in the bathroom?”

He swallowed hard, his breath hitching as he met your gaze. 

“Were you thinking of me?” You pressed on. “Did you imagine me touching you like this?”

His response was barely a whisper, but you caught it. “Yes…”

His breath was warm against your face, and you looked up, taking in the way he was looking at you through half-lidded eyes, lips parted as soft moans slipped out of his mouth. Who would’ve thought he made the prettiest sounds? You knew he was trying to keep his voice down, but the sight of him struggling to suppress his pleasure only made it more thrilling.

“Or did you imagine me getting on my knees, taking you in my mouth?” you teased, your voice low and sultry as you traced your tongue along your bottom lip. “Did you picture yourself deep inside of me, how tight and wet I would be?”

His forehead dipped until it was resting against yours, breaking the self-control he was desperately trying to maintain. “Oh god—I-I can’t hold it any longer.”

Your response was simply to increase your speed, your fist moving in fast short strokes up his leaking cock. He was slick with arousal, and you focused your attention on the sensitive tip, prompting even louder sounds of pleasure from him.

“Wait—" he gripped your wrist, forcing you to stop. “I’m so close.”

You frowned, watching the conflict play out in his expression. "I thought you wanted this?"

“I know, it’s just—“ His brows furrowed, a hint of desperation in his eyes as he struggled to maintain control. Then, with a defeated sigh, he admitted, “I don’t want to make a mess.”

You scanned the room, your mind racing for a solution. The office offered no privacy, and there was nothing around to help clean up the mess he would definitely make, so you needed a different approach.

Without hesitation, you got down on your knees.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

“You’re gonna—” he gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing nervously. “I can’t let you do that.”

“Shh,” you hushed, lightly hitting his thigh. “Just help me hold my hair up.”

He hesitated for a moment, but the desire in his eyes was undeniable. Slowly, he reached out, gathering your hair in his hands. You felt the warmth of his fingers against your scalp, his touch gentle yet firm. You leaned in, your mouth hovering just inches from his swollen tip as you glanced up, meeting his eyes one last time before you took him into your mouth.

The taste of him was intoxicating, and you could feel every twitch and throb as you wrapped your lips around him. His grip on your hair tightened, a guttural moan escaping his lips, your tongue swirling around his tip, tasting the salty bead of arousal that had formed there. His hips bucked involuntarily, and you took him deeper, jaw stretching wide as you struggled to get every inch of him inside your mouth while wrapping your hand around what was left.

You moved slowly at first, getting used to the feel of him in your mouth. It didn’t take long until your mouth was working in tandem with your hand, creating a rhythm that had his body shaking. The room was quickly filled with the sounds of his ragged breathing and soft moans, and you couldn’t believe this was actually happening. There you were, hiding behind an empty office with the potential of getting caught. 

But you didn’t care, nor did Spencer, as he held your hair and bucked his hips into your mouth. You could feel the tension building in him, his breaths coming in short, desperate gasps. He was so, so close, and you wanted to push him over the edge. You quickened your pace, your mouth moving up and down his length, hollowing your cheeks to create a tighter seal.

His moans grew louder, and you could tell he was struggling to keep quiet. “Please,” he whined, his voice strained. “I-I’m gonna…”

A choked gasp cut off his words as he reached his climax, his release hitting the back of your throat in hot, pulsing waves. You swallowed him down, savoring the taste of him, the warmth spreading through you as you looked up at him, your eyes meeting his. His expression was one of pure ecstasy, mixed with a hint of disbelief and awe.

As he slowly came down from his high, his grip on your hair loosened, and he gently helped you to your feet. "That was..." he trailed off, still catching his breath. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to. Besides, I think you deserved it,” you said before pointing a finger at him. “But we can’t keep doing this at work.”

He looked at you, amusement and disbelief dancing in his eyes as he adjusted his clothes. You could almost read his thoughts: you were the one who initiated this, not once, but twice. The first time might have been out of panic, but this time, it was all you.

“I’m serious,” you said, crossing your arms to emphasize your point. “Now that you’re back, we should keep a certain distance between us. No more sneaking around.”

He raised an eyebrow, a teasing smile curling at the corners of his mouth. But then you watched as his expression suddenly shifted, as if he remembered something and his smile turned into a frown followed by the furrow of his eyebrows.

“What? What’s wrong?”

He glanced at you, his hands sinking into the front pockets of his slacks. “I haven’t told this to anyone but… there’s a condition to my reinstatement.”

“What do you mean?” 

He took a deep breath, his eyes locking onto yours. “For every hundred days that I spend on the field, I’m required to take thirty days off.” 

You blinked, processing the information. “Wait, what? So you’re not fully back?”

“Technically I am, just not how I want it to be.”

You watched as his shoulders slightly fell. “You’re not happy about this, are you?”

“What am I supposed to do on my days off? A whole month of sitting around in my apartment doing nothing?”

You took a step closer, placing a comforting hand on his arm. “You’re not going to be sitting around doing nothing. Think of it as an opportunity. You can catch up on your reading, maybe even take a trip somewhere.”

He shook his head. “That’s not the same. I want to be out there, doing my job, helping people. It’s what I’m good at.”

“I know,” you said softly. “But you can’t give your best if you’re burnt out. These breaks could help you recharge, keep you sharp.”

He sighed, looking down at the floor. “I just feel like I’m being benched, like they don’t trust me fully.”

You tugged his arm, forcing him to meet your gaze. “Hey, they trust you. This is about keeping you safe. After everything you went through… Spence, you deserve this break. They just want to make sure you’re at your best every time you’re back in the field.”

When he didn’t seem to fully absorb your words, you pressed on.

“Think about it, you have so many options. You could pick up a new hobby, spend more time with your mom... or finally visit those places you’ve always talked about. Like that museum you mentioned before, what was it called again?”

His gaze softened as he listened to your suggestions. "The Smithsonian," he replied after a moment, a small smile playing on his lips. “I've always wanted to spend a whole day there without rushing.”

"Exactly! Now you'll have the time to do that."

He nodded slowly, the tension easing from his shoulders. "I guess you're right.”

“See? It’s all about perspective.”

His lips curved into a smile as you both fell into silence. Then, he studied you, his eyes scanning your features as if trying to decipher the thoughts swirling in your mind through the subtle shifts of your expression.

“Will you come with me?” 

Your heart skipped a beat, and your breath caught in your throat at the unexpected question.

“You want me to come with you to the museum?”

"Yeah," he murmured, his voice soft, almost quiet. "Will you?"

It was a simple question, but it held a weight that you couldn't ignore. You had spent plenty of time together, grabbing lunch, chatting at the coffee shop down the road. But this felt… different. More personal. More intimate.

And suddenly it came crashing to you. You were so absorbed in what was happening between you, the stolen kisses, the physical attraction, that you didn’t realize your friendship was never going to be the same again.

On one hand, the idea of spending more time alone with him was undeniably tempting, but the rational part of you wasn’t sure if it was the wisest thing to do. He was your friend, a good one at that, and getting emotionally involved with friends could either strengthen or strain the relationship.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair as you searched for the right words. But before you could answer him, both of your phones vibrated with a notification. You both looked at your own devices and read the message.

“We’re leaving now,” Spencer announced, shoving back his phone in his pocket. “We should go.”

You nodded slowly, your gaze lingering on the door for a moment longer before you turned towards him. “You know what? You should head out first. I need some time to myself.”

He furrowed his brows slightly. You could tell he wanted to ask more questions, but he didn’t press on. “You sure?”

“Yes,” you replied. “Just give me a minute and I’ll follow behind.”

His eyes lingered on you for another second before he nodded, offering you a small, reassuring smile. “Sure, I’ll save a seat for you.”

You returned his smile, though it felt more like a grimace as you watched him exit the room. The click of the door closing behind him seemed to echo in the sudden silence, leaving you alone with your swirling thoughts as the rush of emotions flooded over you. It felt as if you were standing at the edge of a precipice, unsure whether to leap or retreat.

With a deep breath, you pressed a hand to your chest, trying to calm the fluttering inside. But the truth was undeniable—you were falling for him, and you were falling fast.

[redysetdare]

"just don't think you can write anything better than the show runners" no, i KNOW i can write better than the show runners just watch me -

[abditorial]

I would sell my liver for you to write inumaki x reader smut where the reader teaches inumaki how to drive (or vice versa) and they end up fugging in the back seat 😩

Don’t worry mousie, you can keep that liver! I would write this for free. I will write this for free!

You didn’t specify reader gender… So I’m picking AFAB reader, but if you wanted AMAB I will HAPPILY rewrite, just let me know!

YOU NEVER BEEN WITH NO ONE AS NASTY (as me!)

SPICE UP YOUR LIFE, COME GET A FREAK…

FT. Inumaki Toge

X F!READER

WARNINGS: 18+, AFAB reader, They/Them pronouns, non-curse AU, Inumaki can speak normally but is very quiet overall, established relationship.

An abandoned grocery store parking lot where was you had learned how to drive initially. It was a discreet location where no authority bothered to check, as it was a waste of time, so they typically wouldn’t say anything if someone without a license was taking a car out for a little test drive to pick up a few new tricks. This is why you had chosen to take Toge to that same empty parking lot so that he could understand what it was like behind the wheel.

For about a week now you had been teaching your boyfriend how to drive. He was way too old to still be asking for rides everywhere, and eventually it came to a point where you had to scold him a bit before coming to the agreement that you would teach him and he’d eventually take himself places without needing you to do it for him. Toge was an excellent learner; He picked up on things quickly, and seemed to be a natural at the whole driving thing. In fact, he probably would have been good enough to go get his license already…

If it weren’t for you distracting him every two seconds. You weren’t doing it on purpose, but you had to understand that the way your lips would curl up into that cute, innocent smile whenever he did something good and complimented him on his work that the tent in his pants was not just from the way he was sitting. Perhaps it was also just the risk-factor— Abandoned or not, having sex in a parking lot was still semi-public and the thought of someone hearing or seeing you two was a big turn on for him.

Every night, after your little lessons with him, he’d have to rut his hips up into the makeshift hole he created with his hands, gasping and whimpering out your name so quietly as to not disturb his roommates. The shame flooded his body whenever cum spurted all over stomach and palms, but at the same time he felt so much better after releasing all that pent up arousal. Of course Toge felt bad for turning such a wholesome act into something twisted and dirty, but what could he do about it? Stop thinking? Right.

Today was the final straw, though. The time where he had to genuinely question if you were doing all of this on purpose or not because the way you palmed the top of that stick shift couldn’t just be a coincidence. Your well manicured fingers drifted down towards the shaft, dancing along the surface before wrapping around its cylindrical form and pulling back to put the car in park. The entire display had Toge mentally groaning, burying his face in his hands with frustration.

His hand reached out to cover yours on the shift, muttering your name in a rather soft tone to get your attention. You turned your head with that same innocent smile, but it melted away as soon as you saw the genuine passion burning in his eyes, like he was undressing you in his mind. It made your heart hammer against your rib cage, your throat became suddenly very dry before eliciting a nervous laugh.

“Toge—?” You were cut off when he leaned forward to press his lips against yours. It wasn’t the hot, passionate kiss you had expected based on the way he was burning his gaze into you, but it was gentle and tender. His lips slowly moved against yours, grunting into your mouth while one hand trailed up to the hem of your shirt, tugging on it lightly. The other ran over your inner thigh, the tips of his fingers brushing against the crotch of your blue jeans that hugged your hips nicely.

You don’t know how, because you were so caught up in such a passionate moment, but eventually the pair of you had drifted to the back seat where he finally let his urges take over. Lanky, thin hands were eager to yank your shirt off like it was the last think they’d do; they fumbled around with your bra afterwards. He tried to unclasp it with one originally, but eventually he discarded the item of clothing after using both. Goes to show how being too desperate will get you nowhere.

He was quick to play with your pretty tits. Toge even pulled his mouth away from yours, letting his saliva-soaked lips leave a trail of sloppy kisses from your jaw to one of your nipples, latching on to nip and suck at it lightly. You gasped and threw your head back slightly, staring down at him through hazy eyes while your fingers clumsily tugging his shirt off over his head. He was a skinny twig of a man, but you didn’t mind. You loved running the pads of your fingers up and down his stomach, feeling every ridge and bump along the way from the dips in his skin to the hammering of his heart.

“I want to feel all of you,” He muttered in a daze, his voice almost coming out like a pathetic whine against your perfect skin. Toge’s mouth had now made its way to your neck and collarbone, sucking just hard enough to let a dark purple mark form that would definitely show the next day. You didn’t care in the slightest. “All of you… Around me so tightly.”

Your back arched when a shiver ran through it. Toge was a man of few words, but whenever he spoke it never failed to make you feel all giddy inside. Right now your stomach was full of butterflies begging to be released, and he had every intention to help let them out. “Toge, please…”

“Please what?” He answered without hesitation. He knew what you wanted, and he delivered with how he pulled you up onto his lap after desperately yanking your jeans off. Both of you wrestled with the simple pair of pants for a moment, but as soon as they were off his hands were grabbing you like his last meal. “Use your words.” He mumbled in your ear from behind, chest pressed against your back while his arms were wrapped around you to gently squeeze your breasts.

“Please fill me up…” Your cheeks had grown warm. Usually you were not quick to fluster, but this was a side of him you had never seen before and it, in turn, brought a new side out of yourself. He nipped at the lobe of your ear whilst his palms traveled down to your panties, rubbing you through the fabric just to feel how wet you were. Your cunt clenched around nothing and caused you to give a desperate whine. “Don’t tease me.”

“Don’t boss me around,” he rebuked almost immediately. Though, despite his disapproval of your bossy words, he did just as you said and quit with the teasing. Toge was eager to get what he wanted, so he wasted no time pushing those panties to the side and sliding the mushroom-like tip of his perfectly carved cock into your aching hole. He hissed, letting out what seemed to be like a mix of a gasp and a groan into your back, which his lips were pressed up against. His stomach contracted and his hands gripped your waist tighter. “F-… Fuck!”

Meanwhile, you were grabbing onto the headrests of the front seats for dear life while he sunk his dick into you at an unbearably slow pace. You could feel yourself stretching out to welcome him inside, but it was so blissful to be filled to the brim again. Once he bottomed out, he lingered for just long enough to let you fully adjust. He even allowed your hips to wiggle around on his lap.

It wasn’t long before, with the help of his hands on your hips, you were bouncing up and down on his lap. Mind you, you started at a snail’s pace as to not harm yourself, but with a bit of practice you were soon practically slamming yourself down onto him. Every upwards thrust of his hips made you cry out with ecstasy, eyes going cross at the sensation of his tip rubbing against every sensitive spot you had.

The lewd sounds of his balls slapping against your ass filled the car, and could probably be heard from the outside too. If anyone was passing by, they’d certainly know you were being treated well based on the hardcore shaking and intricate noises coming from within. “Toge,” you panted out. “I want to cum- Please…”

“Can’t deny my girl… Of her orgasm,” he grunted in between soft moans. Toge’s hands held onto you tighter, nails digging into your skin in order to lift you up and then pull you back down onto his length. “Cum for me, then.”

You clenched around him before your walls started to spasm. With one last thrust, you bottomed out again as a cry came from deep within your throat, climbing it’s way out just as your orgasm did. You were covered in sweat when you came down from your high, hands loosely holding on to the front seats now. Inumaki had lazily bucked his hips up into you a few more times before he pulled out, shooting his load all over your back rather than inside.

Pulling you tight to his chest, he slumped against the back seats. Both of you were panting, sweaty messes as you sat there silently trying to recover from that session.

“I learned a lot today,” he finally spoke, making you laugh weakly.

“I bet.”

Guys I. heheh. I felt good writing that.

Side note… I think I would NOT be opposed to people sending in requests for Genshin characters too? I don’t know, I saw this one Tartaglia cosplay that made me go absolutely feral, I’ve been reading and writing so much filth lately. HEHE!!

As always, requests are open. Find more information here…

[sabertoothwalrus]

hi !! just curious because i was looking at your adventure time episode guide and i love hearing other peoples adventure time takes !! how come you don't like finn's characterisation in together again?

I've talked about it before here and here!

But also I'm gonna say more and share some art I did in 2021 for a rewrite comic that I never got around to doing

So again to reiterate: Adventure Time is usually VERY good at making it feel like time passes, even when you're not watching. It's something about what they don't show that tells you everything you need to know.

Together Again did not do this.

It really really felt like they were avoiding showing Finn as an adult, as if they wanted to leave his post-show life ambiguous. Which, now that Fionna and Cake has shown us literally that, it makes Together Again feel even more wrong?? Like. imagine you have to pick a moment from your life that represents You™ the most. Together Again said that Finn, after living his whole life and dying as an old man, feels most represented by how he was at 17. I do not buy this. I am 25, and I cannot fathom identifying by my 17 year old self. I was a completely different person then, I was still cooking. I can imagine most people feel the same. And ok, so maybe Finn DOES for some reason feel stuck at 17? Explain to me why!! What needed to happen to him that made him feel that way?

And before you just say "it's because Jake died," there's still too much that was left out. How old was Finn when Jake died? What was Finn like, at that point? What else had they accomplished? What was he doing at the time that was on the forefront of his mind? Where/with who did they spend most of their time? Where were they living after the treehouse got destroyed?

It was like,,, it was like the story Together Again actually wanted to tell was about Finn's grief, and how poorly he copes, and how too much of his identity is tied to Having Jake, and how he struggles to move on. But that's not the story we got. I honestly think-- as interesting as it was-- everything with New Death and Tiffany and Lich just did a disservice to the focus, which was Finn trying to get over Jake.

I think Together Again should have gone like this:

Finn and Jake had always planned that whoever died first would wait in the dead world for the other to die so the two of them could reincarnate. Jake dies first. Jake would be able to "watch over" Finn as he lives the rest of his life, so Jake wouldn't miss Finn as much as vice versa, since he'd feel like he's still there with him. Eventually, Finn dies.

Finn's appearance would change with his emotional state. I thought it'd be interesting to show different phases of his life through the stages of grief.

There'd be a room where they could watch Finn's memories. Finn would walk Jake through the events of his life. We SEE exactly how Finn dealt with grief, with heartbreak, with love, with friends, with community. All the good and all the bad.

By the end of it, Finn is quiet. "Jake... when we reincarnate, will we.. lose all of this?" "Well, do you remember anything from any of your other past lives?" "No.. But that's the point. I don't want to forget you." Finn, despite their promise, despite Jake waiting for him all this time, declines reincarnating. He doesn't want to move on, because that would mean forgetting everything. He wants to say with Jake!! He JUST got Jake back!!

“What if— in the future— what if they forget about us? What if they don’t know about all the stuff we did?” We see Ooo in its current state. It’s changed, but it’s clearly been affected by the two of them. Every person they’ve saved, every civilization they helped build, every hero they’ve inspired. They’ve left their touch everywhere. “They’ll know,” Jake says with certainty. “We’ll know.” We see the future, with Shermy and Beth. We see the Finn Sword, and BMO with all their old belongings. Everything stays, but it still changes. Will happen, happening, happened. These have always been the themes of the show. They reincarnate, together.

[marnikula]

Can u do early seasons spencer x reader who has a lot of problems and they let people walk all over them and they dont set boundaries and they struggle with their emotions. Reader likes spencer a lot but doesn't seek him out bc they feel like he deserves better! And u can decide what happens but make it happy ending :)

Oh my word, I literally spent like 2 hours writing this because I wrote something and then my internet cut out when I posted and now it's lost, so I had to rewrite it. Hope you enjoy!

Cw: gn reader, people dumping work on reader, Spencer being cute

Enjoy!

You were a doormat. You knew it, your friends knew it, everyone knew it. You tried to set boundaries, to say no, but it never seemed to stick. Saying no made you feel guilty, it made you feel like a bad person even though you knew you weren't.

Being a doormat, people tended to walk all over you, requesting ridiculous things of you. That is how it came to be that you were sitting alone in the bullpen, the clock ticking away, showing you that it was around midnight and you still had a whole stack of papers to go through. You felt yourself about to fall asleep, and truly, you were too tired to fight it off when a ding signaled the arrival of someone.

Without even turning to look who it was you knew it was Spencer Reid. You recognized his footsteps, and even if you didn't, the smell he brought with him would have alerted you. It was the smell of coffee mixed sweet undertones, almost as if he had spent his whole day in a café. It was intoxicating. "What are you still doing here?" "Working, I have a lot of stuff to finish before tomorrow" "you mean today" looking back at the clock you could see he was right, it was now officially the next day.

"Do you need some help?" without even waiting for you to decline Spencer took half of the pile you were working on. He moved fast, knowing you well enough to know that you hated asking for help, especially from him, he just could never figure out why.

"Spencer, you really don't need to, I've got this" reaching your hands to take the files back only to be swatted away by the doctor was something you did not expect. "I'm not saying you don't have it, I'm just going to help you so you can go home earlier"

Sighing you admitted defeat and went to go make coffee for the two of you. With Spencer's help you managed to make it through the massive stack of papers on your desk in less that an hour, something you would never have been able to do on your own.

"You, doctor Spencer Reid, are amazing, what can I do to thank you?" it was a slight tease on your part. You didn't expect him to ask you anything return, it wasn't like him, he was too nice . That was one of the things you loved about him, and one of the reasons you willed the crush growing in your heart to shrivel up and die. He deserved so much better than you. Someone with a mind as amazing as his own, someone with kindness rivaling his and someone who knew how to say no. You were none of those. At least not in your own eyes.

"You could go on a date with me" Spencer surprised himself with those words, he really hadn't meant to say them out loud, but he really liked you, and in a moment of confidence inspired by sleep deprevation, he decided to take a chance.

"Really? You mean it?" the both of you were blushing hard at this point, him thinking about how he could have possibly screwed this up and you thinking about how this could possibly get any better.

"I-I mean, only if you want to, you really don't have to feel pressured, I know I said I would take it as paiment, but honestly spending time with you was enough of a payme-" grabbing his face in your hands you turned him to look at you, shutting off his ramblings with the movement and shutting off his brain with your words

"I would love to"

[ohcorny]

hey corny. so i always see people recommending to outline their story before starting it, but could you talk a little bit more about what that means? what is an outline and how do you structure one? how long are the ones you write, depending on the project? do you focus on plot beats or feelings? how specific do you get? can u recommend any readings for learning more?

up front i don't have any resources for this, only experience. and outlines feel like one of those things where it's like... there are a million ways to do it and the way that works for me might not work for you. i have a friend who writes out all his ideas on index cards and that, for me, is insane. but he's also a better writer than me so who can say what is right or wrong.

anyway an outline is essentially a sketch but for a story. you go through the whole thing, start to finish, and figure out what goes where and what happens when. the idea is that this is the stage where you work out all the big picture stuff and make sure it all fits together, now, and not after you've drawn twenty pages and suddenly go "wait shit that doesn't work" and have to do it over. it is much easier to delete and rewrite a paragraph than to redraw several pages.

doing anything more, ie including dialogue or feelings, depends entirely on how useful that information is to you at that point in the process and whether the purpose of the outline is for your own guidance, or so somebody else can tell what you're trying to achieve.

this got really long with multiple examples

here is an excerpt from the original outline i used to pitch Hunger's Bite to publishers. this one had to be polished to a professional standard, because somebody else was going to read it and decide whether they wanted to give me thousands of dollars to tell this story. (also several of the details are no longer accurate. for instance it now takes place 9 years earlier lmao)

this paragraph represents the first eight pages of the book. the final book is 264 pages long, and the outline was 12 pages of paragraphs as dense as this one.

it establishes where we are, who's there, and what they're doing. i describe their conversation, but i don't commit to the dialogue. i will occasionally include snippets of literal dialogue, but usually only if it's Important Dialogue, or i just don't want to forget a good idea i had while outlining. it's not expected at this step.

an outline written as part of a pitch to a publisher should tell the whole story, with all the important details, and leave nothing ambiguous. they need to know the tone, shape, and the arcs. no secrets! all the spoilers. outlines for yourself should do this too, but outlines for others need to be as clear about your vision as possible. again, an outline like this exists for the purpose of getting you paid thousands of dollars. you should write it like that.

in comparison, here's an excerpt from the outline i wrote for revisions to my WIP prose novel, so i could show it to my agent (who already read the draft) to be like "do these changes sound good?" i'm not selling it to anyone yet, just making a guide so i can have a conversation about it. so it doesn't need to be neat, it just needs to be functional and clear. the first chapter was entirely new stuff. the second bit was just writing down what was already in the chapter that existed.

i have historically been very bad at outlining things when i don't think i "need" to, and only wrote this one after having written like 60k words of the book without any overall plan. i gave what i had to my agent for feedback and then sat down and figured out how i could apply it. it's made the whole revisions process significantly less daunting. now i have a checklist for things i need to do! this one was a paragraph or two for each chapter, with the ones that needed a lot of rewriting given a bit more detail.

lastly, here's a bit of the outline for the first roger crenshaw book. i was the only person who had to see this, and since the story was planned to be very short i didn't have to worry about a whole lot. as long as i knew what was supposed to go where, it would work. honestly it's not a whole lot different from the previous example.

this one was like five paragraphs and it did the job, and this story was like 15k words. you only need as much or as little as will actually help you on the page.

basically if you take nothing else from this, it's that there are multiple ways to write an outline, that it does not need to be perfect if you're doing it for yourself, and that it only needs what you think is important (unless it is for other people. then it should have everything). and also it's a good idea to do it earlier in the project than after you've written 60k words or drawn--jesus christ i got up to 12 chapters in never satisfied? it's amazing i didn't quit sooner

[sakura-chan-25]

Dizzy Day (Rewrite)

Pairing: Lucifer x MC

Summary: MC feels dizzy, hates that feeling, so Lucifer stays with them until they're better.

Word Count: 620

Warning(s): dizziness, a small bit of swearing (literally ’fuck’ just once), pet names (honey), a lot of groaning in annoyance

"I'm dizzy", MC mumbled tiredly as they let their head drop onto the table with a quiet 'thud'. Lucifer looked up from his paper work, worry in his eyes. The human was in his office right now, sitting opposite him and doing some homework. They still hadn't moved their head and Lucifer was starting to think that they may have passed out, so just in case he called out their name.

"Mhm?", they responded with the same tiredness lacing their voice from before.

"Explain to me.", he said and MC groaned in annoyance, lifting their head again. MC just told him they were feeling dizzy! What is there to explain?!

They groaned again and almost yelled: "It's just so annoying! I don't pass out! I have to feel every single thing! I have to feel my heart pounding in my rib cage, I have to feel how air is so fucking hard to get into my lungs, I have to feel my hands shaking, I have to see the room spinning around, I have to feel the weakness of not being able to hold up my body! But does anyone listen? OF COURSE NOT!", the human smacked their head onto the table with a very loud 'thud' and a silent 'ow' leaving their lips. Lucifer was quiet the whole time and listened. He waited a moment before talking, waiting for them to say anything else, but he didn’t expect hearing the softest "sorry" he's ever heard leaving their mouth and his eyes widened. He whispered a little "okay" before standing up and walking to where MC sat.

"Why are you apologizing?", he asked softly as he sat down on the table and cradled their head in his lap. The human didn't answer and buried their head deeper into his lap, appreciating his hand playing with their hair. "There is no need for you to do so. I'd rather hear you yell than seeing you bottle up your emotions."

"Lucifer, honey. That's exactly what you're doing, too. Bottling up emotions, I mean. I don't want to hear you yell though!", they said, quickly snapping their head up and just as quickly lowering it again and closing their eyes while grabbing Lucifer's arm for stability.

"Are you alright?!", Lucifer asked uncharacteristically panicked, MC’s comment completely forgotten as if they never mentioned it to begin with. The human nodded and put their head into his lap again.

They didn't hear Lucifer's question the first time, so he had to ask them a second time. Only to realize that they couldn't really make out the words right now.

They were awfully pale and their eyes unfocused. Lucifer sighed, thinking about another way to ask them.

He poked at their shoulder until the human slightly moved their head and pointed at the couch. MC squinted their eyes, trying to figure out what that spot of blacks and reds (was there something bright/yellow-ish, too?) could be. It took them some time but they guessed that it had to be the couch with the window behind. (The colours wouldn't fit anywhere else in this room)

The demon still pointed and patiently waited for their answer. MC hummed in confirmation after a while, so Lucifer slowly picked them up and carried them over to the couch.

Once they laid there comfortably, he began to play with their hair again, making them feel even more drowsy than before. This time however it was because of sleepiness. Lucifer slowly put the spare blanket over their body as MC quietly whispered in slight confusion: "But... work?"

The only response the human got from him was a gentle kiss on the forehead, soothing them a bit until sleep finally took over them.

A/n: It's so funny to see how my symptoms developed with just reading my fics! When I wrote this the first time (I think pretty much a year ago) that was a pretty bad day, but nowadays I would consider that an okay day (not great, but also not bad). Anyways I hope you enjoyed and have a good day/night! :D

[aspenaspenaspenaspenaspen]

I don’t like how the Sokeefe confession went down, because it felt so abrupt compared to the build up of the series.

I think this because the whole series it’s Keefe who’s loved Sophie since the beginning, Keefe who hinted his feelings and flirted with her, and Keefe who couldn’t confess. And it was Sophie who couldn’t figure out her feelings and was oblivious to his. So it felt strange that though Keefe technically confessed first in the letter he left, it was Sophie who initiated the actual confession.

I understand that all the build up for Sophie confessing was in Stellarlune, but it just didn’t fit with the rest of the series, and honestly, felt unfair to Keefe (from a readers stand point, I’m sure he’s very happy in cannon). He should have been the one to confess.

I’ve heard people complaining that Chapter 42 was written like a fan fiction, and I disagree with this statement for two reasons, one that I think this is supposed to be insulting the actual writing of the scene, and I would never insult Shannon Messangers writing, and two because I don’t like to spread that fanfic writing is bad because fan fiction can have some amazing writing.

However I can see the similarities to Chapter 42 and fanfiction. As an avid reader of fanfiction, a reader can tell when the fanfic author is just writing a confession as a way to get the characters to kiss, the confession may be abrupt without a lot of build up, but also may just be very easy and quick. And that’s sort of how I felt reading the Sokeefe confession. It felt too easy for all the build up and angst and unrequited but eventually requited love that is Sokeefe.

Keefe should have been the one to confess, and Sophie should of had a harder time accepting feelings instead of pining for Keefe the entirety (?) or Stellarlune, and it should have been more difficult. Also Ro shouldn’t have been peer pressuring Sophie….

….And that’s the real controversial take here. Because, I do genuinely believe Sophie likes Keefe in cannon. I’m not a big Sokeefe shipper but I saw where this was going throughout the series. However in cannon, to the reader, it looks like Ro had to convince Sophie that she liked Keefe, and even if I think she does, it still feels like peer pressure when reading it. And I think Keefe would also be disappointed if he heard that it was Ro who convinced Sophie that she like him, because it should have been Sophie battling with her own feelings, not Ro telling her how she feels (regardless of if she was correct).

If I were to rewrite the Sokeefe part of Stellarlune, I would’ve have Sophie understanding that part of the letter, but pushing down her feelings and choosing to be oblivious in order to avoid facing her feelings when she already has so much going on. Have her think about Keefe while he’s gone, and be jealous of Biana (or suspicious whatever you’d call it) in that one scene but have her obviously be falsely justifying it in order to push down those romantic feelings.

Then when she does find Keefe, make her avoid mentioning the letter at all costs. Have it hang over their heads at every moment their alone together, have it be awkward. Then, on accident have her mention the letter. Let there be a pause.

Let Keefe be a bit bitter about Sophie refusing to acknowledge anything. Have him be all like “oh so you did see the letter.”

Have Sophie still refuse to talk about it. “yeah, I guess I was so distracted with trying to find you I didn’t really think about it (lying). was there anything important in there?”

Have Keefe’s eyes turn dark “no, I guess not. (lying)” and have him rudely stalk of.

Then later have them doing something for the black swan with their friends, looking over scrolls, idk research or something.

Have Sophie be frustrated after the scrolls don’t tell them anything important. “why can’t the author of these just tell us what this means?” She should grumble

And Keefe should say “well maybe you should read between the lines to figure out what they mean.”

Sophie throws down the scroll in her hands “well maybe people should just say what they mean instead of writing it down in a way that can mean anything!!” Keefe sets down his scroll, walking off outside. No one else knows what’s going on but Sophie sighs and follows him out.

“Keefe! Wait!” She shouts. Keefe would whirl around, tears in his eyes.

“Don’t you think I’ve waited long enough?”

Sophie stares at him, surprised that he’s crying.

“I’ve waited this whole time to because I didn’t want to pressure you. But you can’t even acknowledge it.”

“Because I don’t know what “it” is! You left, and you leave me this note, and I’m just supposed to understand what it means?”

“You know what it means! Why else would I write it?”

“You wrote it because you were leaving-“

“I WROTE IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU”

“YOU WROTE IT BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!”

Suddenly there are tears in Sophie’s eyes too. “You’re accusing me of avoiding all this but you were just as willing to! You didn’t want to confront me with your feelings so you wrote down your confession, but now you’re back and all you can do is shout it at me.”

Keefe takes a step closer, his eyes wide.

“How am I supposed to know you mean it if you don’t say it?” Sophie looks down, tugging at an eyelash.

Keefe takes another step closer, taking her hand in his. His voice is croaky and wet but each word is clear.

“Sophie Foster…I love you.”

And that’s when it all hits Sophie, because that’s everything she needed to hear and all the things she’s been stuffing down comes up and hits her all at once, and she physically stumbles into Keefe.

“Foster?” Keefe asks, catching her. Sophie looks up and makes eye contact with him.

“I think I’ve just fallen for you.” (The joke is that she actually fell over. In case it wasn’t clear.)

[bbyboybucket]

Beds

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: While sharing a hotel room with Reader, Bucky has a nightmare.

A/N: Surprise. Bet y’all didn’t expect a fic from me. How longs it been? Too long. Anyways, I’m rewriting one of my old fics, or more so taking the same concept but doing it more in character. Also I think this is the first time I’ve written something where we don’t see Bucky’s pov, so I think that’s kinda fun. Btw I’m rusty so don’t judge me if it shows. Also I think this is gender neutral but I’m not sure?

Warnings: language, sexual references, nightmares, ptsd, panic attack (not too intense), allusions to some hydra stuff but nothing graphic, hurt/comfort, frenemies to lovers, Bucky is moody, the one bed trope™️, no use of “y/n”, kinda sappy

—————————

A loud sigh came from the left of you just before the elevator dinged and the metal doors creaked open. You ignored him, you chose not to engage in his passive aggressiveness. You weren’t going to accept the invitation of a petty rant hiding behind that sigh.

You walked down the hallway with Bucky stalking behind you, like an angry pitbull trailing after its owner.

“I don’t even know why we got a fucking hotel in the first place.” Bucky grumbled, and you could practically feel the weight of his eye roll, even though you couldn't see it.

“Here we go.” You muttered under your breath. “What did you want? A safe house? It’s not like we’re on some high stakes, undercover op. Anything more than a hotel would be excessive.”

“Anything more woulda had better sleeping options.” He whined. “Coulda at least got us separate rooms.”

“My god, give it a rest Bucky, you’ve been complaining all day about this.” You we’re exasperated, it was about the third time you’d heard him gripe that day.

“Well, I’m not a fan. Us sharing is the stupidest fucking idea Sam’s ever had.”

“Bitching about it isn’t gonna change anything. And, it’s not like we have to sleep together or anything, I’ll be in a whole different bed.” You said, unlocking the room door. You had been looking forward to chilling out and resting, but as soon as you entered the room, you realized that your night would be anything but restful.

“Fuck.” You laughed, humorlessly, knowing you were about to hear an endless rant. “I take that back, there isn’t different beds.”

Surprisingly that rant didn’t come. Bucky weirdly seemed calmer than he had before and merely shrugged. “‘S fine. I’ll take the floor.”

“Well, one of us can try the couch?”

“That thing could fit a toddler at best.” He gestured towards the small leather love seat as if it was the most ridiculous suggestion he had ever heard, and in all honesty, he had a point.

You pinched the skin between your eyebrows. “Sam said he booked a two person room.”

He shrugged again and then blankly said. “This is why he shoulda booked separate rooms.”

“My god Bucky, I’m not that bad of a roommate. I don’t snore, I don’t sleep walk, and it’s not like I’m gonna kill you in your sleep. It’s one fucking night. Just-“ You took a deep breath and tried to mellow out. “You can have the bed.”

“No, you can have it.”

“You’re obviously more tore up about this than me, so it’s yours. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“No.” He refused, his eyes held an odd stubbornness. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“I literally don’t care, I’ve done it a million times. Plus, your grumpy ass probably needs some good sleep.” You half teased, trying to do the nice thing. You unzipped your bag and pulled your belongings out. “I’m gonna go change clothes.”

When you came back from the bathroom, Bucky was already in his boxers and a T-shirt, positioning a pillow and blanket on the floor.

“I told you the bed was yours.”

“Okay, and?”

“Why are you getting down there?“

“Why the fuck are you arguing?”

“Because you’re all pissy about this whole situation, so I’m trying to make your life easier and give you the bed.” You didn’t understand his defiance and odd aversion to the thing he’d been complaining about restlessly: the better sleeping option.

“I don’t want the goddamn bed, just shut the fuck up about it!” Bucky snapped. His outburst caught you off guard, he acted as if you had been purposefully pushing his buttons.

“Damn, fine.” You held your hands up in defeat, almost offended at the way he lashed out. “I get you’re trying to be all gentlemen-like but ya know, the aggressiveness defeats the purpose.”

“It’s not about being a gentlemen. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not being nice, I-“ He grunted. “Never mind I don’t owe you a fuckin’ explanation. Just get in bed.”

“I will, thank you, cause I’m tired. Especially tired of whatever the fuck is up your ass and has you so bitchy.”

You said it with full sincerity, of course you were used to bickering with Bucky but it always was in a playful manner, even when annoyed with each other, it was always friendly fire. There had been no sign of that all afternoon, Bucky was purely hostile and treating you like his greatest burden.

“You running your damn mouth and arguing isn’t helping anything.” He spat as he turned off the lights.

“Wow, sorry. Didn’t know offering you the bed was so fucking rude and offensive.”

“Shut the fuck up.” He groaned.

You muttered “fucking dick” under your breath.

“I heard that.”

As you settled into the bed, you couldn't help but roll your eyes in frustration. You found yourself pondering what you could have possibly done to provoke such a strong reaction from him. You couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't entirely about you. Maybe something else was going on and you were standing in as Bucky’s punching bag, just being the unfortunate catheter for his anger.

It didn’t matter. You had to force all the worry and aggravation out of your head because his attitude wasn’t worth losing sleep over. The last thing you need was to be exhausted on a mission.

—————————

You were jolted awake by a sudden, loud gasp, followed by a soft groan emanating from his direction. Rubbing your eyes, you opened them to find him sitting upright, his knees drawn close to his chest. He looked so small, a stark contrast to the huge stature and borderline intimidating presence you’d become so familiar with. His breathing was audible despite the distance between you, it was quick and shallow.

“Buck?” You concernedly called out to him but he didn’t answer. You then got out of bed, and flicked on the nightstand lamp.

“Bucky?” You tried again when you were closer.

Out of all the time you’d known Bucky, this was the first you’d seen him vulnerable. He was trembling harshly, hyperventilating too. He seemed equally dazed and terrified, but also distant as if he were lost in his head. You always thought Bucky had rather sad eyes but right now, the way they were widened with fear and slightly watering, took it to a whole new level.

You knew what was happening and seeing it felt like a stab to the heart. You slowly sat down in front of him, keeping space between you as to not worsen his panic.

“Buck, it’s okay.” You cooed. “Can you hear me right now?”

His gaze shifted to you, finally making eye contact, which gave you an answer.

“Okay, can you try to breathe with me? Deep breath…in 1…2…3” You exaggeratedly took large, slow inhale to lead him. “Out 1…2…3…”

You repeated the example, guiding until he finally started to follow along with you. “Good, you’re doing good. Do you know where you are?”

“….hotel. We’re on a mission?”

“Good, that’s right, good. It’s okay. You’re safe.” With a gentle and caring tone, you spoke to him, hoping to bring a sense of peace to the turmoil that was raging within him. Your heart felt heavy as you seen the pain that was laced within him, and you wished so badly that you could erase it all. You’d been scared you weren’t doing the right things, but his increasing improvement made you more confident.

“Can I touch you?”

He nodded.

You supportively placed your hand on top of his, stroking your thumb over his skin in a soothing manner. He initially flinched but didn’t pull away. “Starting to calm down now?”

“Yeah.” He released a long heavy breath and wiped the wetness off his eyelids with his free hand.

You sat silently with him, providing that tender, tactile support as he as he worked to regain his composure and steady his breathing. As he gradually calmed down, you noticed the shame creeping over him, causing his cheeks to flush red and his gaze to avert from yours.

“I didn’t want you to see this shit.” He finally said after minutes of silence.

“It’s fine-“

“Fuckin embarrassing is what it is.”

“No, stuff happens. I’m not gonna judge, ya know? I understand. I know what having panic attacks is like.” You revealed in attempt to make him feel more seen.

He slightly shook his head, at himself instead of towards to you, but he stayed silent.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” He paused for a moment, he licked his lips and hung his head even lower. “‘M used to it. Get ‘em bout every night.”

“The panic attacks?”

“Nightmares. Those sometimes comes after though.”

“Oh.” You whispered, feeling like something in you had just shattered. “About hydra?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna talk about it?” You offered carefully.

“Nothing you should hear. My head’s a fucked up place.” He laughed humorlessly.

“Try me.”

He hesitated for a moment, you assumed he was debating on wether or not he should trust you with such a heavy part of himself. “Basically all memories. Not so much dreams, more so just stuff that’s already happened. Flashbacks I guess.���

As his mouth parted to speak, only to close again, you knew that he wasn’t finished so you waited patiently, allowing him the time he needed to gather his thoughts.

“Most of the time it’s…you know…what I’ve done. People I’ve killed. It’s….of course it’s horrible. Pretty gruesome but uh….I’ve gotten better at dealing with those, it’s still….I just get em so much that I can calm down faster now. But sometimes…it’s the shit Hydra did to me and it’s just….I’d get punished a lot. Some kinda torture or beatings, I’ll spare you the details.”

You continued to stroke his hand and stayed silent, not wanting to push him.

“But uh…they had this chair. Um, I’d get strapped down and they’d electrocute me. That’s how they’d…ya know. And I’d always end up there for a wipe after I fucked up. Or even if I didn’t. I don’t what’s worse honestly…the sick twisted shit they’d come up with or the wipe but…but reliving all that….”

“That’s fucking terrifying.”

“Yeah. Yeah, terrifying is an understatement. Sometimes…it’s hard to feel safe after that.”

His breathing started to pick up again. The cracks in his voice made it clear he was starting to get overwhelmed.

You then firmly grasped his hand, giving it a supportive squeeze. “It’s okay, you don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t like to think about all that. I try to never actually. It’s like…obviously it’s…I can’t describe how fucking awful. But at the same time, if I do think about it, it’s like I’m ignoring all the evil shit I’ve done. And that’s not fair to everyone I’ve wronged. So then….if I never think about or deal with the torture….when I have to relive it in these goddamn nightmares…it just fucks me up worse. And my fucking luck is one of the few times it happens is when I’m sharing a room with someone.”

Your heart sank to the floor, your own eyes were watering at this point from getting just this small glimpse of his pain. “I’m so sorry, Buck. Hell, I don’t even know what to say right now. I wish I could do more to help.”

“You’re doing enough.“

“You didn’t deserve it, ya know? I don’t know everything that went on but you never deserved to suffer like that.”

“Half-debatable. At certain point it had to become karma for the suffering I was causing myself.” He shrugged solemnly.

“That’s not true. You had no control.”

He sighed exasperatedly, filled with a sad frustration directed at himself. He put his face in his palm. “We’ve had that conversation. You already know I don’t see it that way.”

“Yeah but I hope one day you will. And I’ll die before I stop trying to get it through your head that you’re innocent. You know you’re strong, right? So damn strong to be holding it together right now. After going through all that pain and to still be here and be a good man? To come as far as you have. I’ve never met anyone as strong as you.”

“We can agree to disagree but I appreciate it….and thanks sitting with me and calming me down and all that.”

“Of course.”

“I’m sorry about earlier. This is why…I didn’t wanna share. And this is….one…of the reasons I don’t like sleeping in a bed. Makes the nightmares worse sometimes. That’s not your fault though, so I shouldn’t’ve…I just didn’t want you to know.”

“It’s alright. I get it now.”

“I shouldn’t’ve took it out on you. I really am sorry.”

“Buck, I get why you were upset. Well kinda, I honestly can’t imagine even a fraction of what you go through.”

“Goin a little far with the pity.” He grew a tiny smirk.

“Compassion.” You corrected. “And I can’t help it, I mean…not to get all sappy, but I care about you. A lot.”

His smirk morphed into a smile and you mirrored it. You wrapped your arm around him and laid your head on his shoulder, Bucky then slowly encircled you with his own arms. You knew the hug was Bucky's way of wordlessly affirming that he cared about you too.

“Didn’t know Mr. Grumpy was capable of hugging.”

“Consider it a one time gift.”

You chuckled in response but then an idea entered your mind.

“You think it’d help if I slept with you?” You asked softly.

He gave you a cheeky grin. “Could at least take me out to dinner first.”

“You know what I meant.”

He sighed. “Not to be an ass but I literally just told you I don’t like beds?”

“No dumb ass, I mean down here.”

He tilted his head and gave a tight lipped frown. “You don’t gotta do that.”

“No. But if it’d help you feel more comfortable, then I want to.”

He didn’t answer at first but because his face had always been an open book, revealing every emotion with striking transparency, he wore an expression that was etched with heartbreaking gratitude.

“Yeah…we can try that.” He whispered, as if he was in shock.

With gentle movements, you plucked the blanket and pillow from the bed and nestled yourself beside him. As you lay towards him, your faces drew closer, until they were mere inches apart. You could feel his warm breath caressing your skin. In that moment, time seemed to stand still as you both gazed into each other's eyes, it was almost hypnotic. There was no awkwardness when it should have been expected, instead, a comforting feeling washed over you. You were consumed by excitement, tinged with a soothing calmness. Sure, it was paradoxical, but it was consuming and left you lost in the moment.

“Um…” Bucky started hesitantly but then cut himself off, he bit his bottom lip nervously.

Before you had a chance to even consider the words, they spilled from your lips. You were surprised with your own spontaneity, but the question had already slipped. “You wanna cuddle?”

It was as if you read his mind, you could practically see all the anxiety melt off Bucky before he pulled you into his chest. “This okay?” He asked.

“Mhm.” You replied, allowing yourself to sink into the comforting warmth of his body, all while listening to the soft thumps of his heart beating. It was a new intimacy that strangely felt familiar and natural, like everything had suddenly fallen into place.

You heard him yawn and you hummed fondly at how cute it was. “Goodnight, Buck.”

Tenderly, he leaned in and softly placed his lips upon your forehead, holding them there for a fleeting moment before settling his chin atop your head.

—————————

Bucky straddled your lap, his hand cupping your face as he devoured you in a passionate kiss that unraveled you with each flick of his tongue. His other hand roamed to less innocent regions of your body, exploring them with a touch that was both bold and tender.

He repositioned and pressed you down onto the couch, towering over you as his tongue continued to dance in your mouth. You were both breathless, and desiring more. He proceeded to plant kisses on your jawline before moving down to nibble on your neck.

He suddenly stopped, muttering against your skin. “You wanna move to your room? Have a little more space for this?”

“You know what’s funny?”

“Hm?”

“How before we got together, you hated beds, but now you want in my sheets every damn second.” You teased.

“Well…feels a lot more pleasant now.”

“Weird way to say ‘I’m always horny’.”

“I’m making up for 80 some years. And like you aren’t, you’re worse than me half the time.”

“Definitely worked up now, so get me to the bed and we’ll go as many rounds as you want, pervert.”

“Fuck you.” He laughed.

“I’m waiting for it.”

[itsbansheebitch]

How to Word THIS

I tried rewriting this post so many times. I'm going to try bullet points instead.

I think all of these are good/true:

From my experience as an afab person raised similarly to a boy due to my father wanting a boy, I can confidently say that the emotional suppression that men and boys experience on a daily basis is frankly, inhumane.

Parents shouldn't speculate their kid(s) gender/sexuality/etc just because their kid is showing certain behaviors/having certain interests that aren't stereotypical for their assigned gender.

Parents should allow kids space to explore gender/sexuality, but make sure not to push them into anything.

Parents should allow their kids space to explore gender/sexuality, but make sure that their kid is first and foremost SAFE and HAPPY.

Emotional suppression is expected of men/boys, but science agrees that emotional suppression is in short, BAD FOR YOU.

"Be a man" is often used as a slap in the face to keep men/boys in line. You can imagine this isn't ideal if a boy is reporting bullying in school or a man is trying to bring up unsafe working conditions.

A lot of women have trauma about men (including myself), but this doesn't mean that a whole marginalized group should be excluded from sports (We're not going to re-segregate sports just because some people have trauma related to black people, are we?)

Men & boys' emotions should not only be accepted but ENCOURAGED!

Black men's emotions have been demonized for CENTURIES. Make sure to raise an eyebrow when you hear a black man experiencing anger described as "animalistic" or described with any other dehumanizing language.

Stop expecting men to do things you don't expect women to do! If you don't expect women to chase CEO positions, don't ask why a man isn't a CEO yet! Just like how you shouldn't expect a woman to be a wife and mother by 25 if that's not what you're expecting of men. And if you are having those kinds of standards then maybe lower them because both sides and both genders are extremely unrealistic!

Men aren't given the tools to describe their emotions! If you are wondering what a man thinks about a topic, a decision, etc, give them time to respond and let them know they have time to think! Give them time to think about their answer. If they want (ASK) you can offer an Emotion Wheel or a few (metaphorical) Mad Libs for them to start their answer with.

Alexithymia (also known as emotional colorblindness) is a phenomenon when someone has trouble describing their emotions. They feel all their emotions normally, but they struggle describing them or giving them detail.

Normative Male Alexithymia is a type of Alexithymia. It is called "Normative Male..." because in a lot of cultures (specifically western cultures) it is normal for men to suppress their emotions to the point of having trouble recalling names of emotions or describing them in detail when asked.

Alexithymia/Normative Male Alexithymia is a BIG reason why a lot of men struggle in therapy. It is also the reason why I, myself struggled (to communicate my thoughts) in therapy. Because I was raised to suppress my emotions and not communicate my thoughts.

I truly believe that if my upbringing was even a HINT a SLICE a BREATH a WHISPER a TINY BIT of what the average boy's upbringing is like, then our collective, societal treatment of men and boys is inhumane and inexcusable.

I know any boy or man that makes a post even hinting something like this would be attacked. This isn't me being a pick-me, this is me telling you that my dad was prepared to raise boys, he got girls, and I got a VERY different perspective because of it. I'm telling you right now that if how I was treated was even a hint of what the average boy gets growing up, then we owe men an apology. I'm not joking. This is not satire.

People talk about intersectionality, but rarely actually NAME boys and men as being a part of the discussion (unless they're the "villain"). I think we should do so more often. They are ALSO getting the short end of the stick. (Expecting to be part of an "Atom Family" and work ALL DAY??? NO THANKS)

[sapphicseasapphire]

Sorry for the many questions I'm about to ask but its been driving me insane.

How exactly does the story of Hyrule Warriors work with your cryptid au? Does Wars have a personality during those events or do the events of Hyrule Warriors not happen at all?

Your au is great and l really want to know how Wind, Time, and maybe Ravio interact with Wars. I am considering writing a short story with them, and I want to stay as loyal to the au as possible.

Also I love your art.

Hello!! First of all I’m SO SORRY it’s taken me this long to get back to you!! Sincerely I apologize!! But this question made me do a lot of deep thinking and I wasn’t exactly sure how to answer. I’m gonna break this up into sections under the cut because it’s gonna get pretty long.

How does Hyrule Warriors fit into the au? Gonna be completely 100% honest here, I’m kind of sort of rewriting the whole story I think. There’s a lot that I’m still figuring out, but (in the briefest of terms as this is all subject to change) here’s what I’ve got so far: Cia is still enamored by the Spirit of the Hero, and Ganon still takes advantage of that desire and purges her of her light, corrupting her. She still opens the Gate of Souls(s) and launches an attack on Hyrule, opening portals across time. However, in this era, there is no hero. (There was no Ganon either, before she showed up, so Link was never born. There was still a Zelda, since Hyrule’s princesses are always named Zelda. But yeah, Link just doesn’t exist). Not until Cia’s attack, that is. When Hyrule is threatened, Zelda and Impa decided that they need a hero. And so, they make one. They physically pull the Hero’s Spirit from its resting place in the Sacred Realm and manually place it in a sword, thus creating Wars.

They don’t call him Link, as he’s not a person. In this era, he’s always been called the Hero of Warriors, as that is his purpose. He was created solely to fight. To win the war and save Hyrule.

After the war is won, he is placed deep within a temple and abandoned. After all, he’s a literal weapon. A weapon without a wielder is dangerous- anyone could take up his sword and be accepted as his new Master. The temple that he’s placed in is a typical Zelda Temple TM, like a dungeon, and it’s where he will wait until he is discovered by the Chain.

Does Wars have a personality in Hyrule Warriors? Short answer: no. He is a freshly created sword spirit and bound entirely to his Master. (Which, at this point, is his Zelda). With the War of Eras still ongoing, his purpose hasn’t yet been fulfilled. At this point, he is very very similar to how Fi was in Skyward Sword: mostly residing in his sword and giving power ups to his Master, only manifesting outside of the blade when called upon. He doesn’t speak unless spoken to. He shows absolutely no emotion. Ever.

… which leads me to the bad news. How do the others (Time, Wind, Ravio) interact with Wars? Generally speaking, they don’t. Like. Not even a little bit. With Wars constantly in his sword, he’s pretty inaccessible. Plus, they don’t really have any reason to. Any of Wars’ advice is heard only by Zelda, who relays the information to the group, they don’t think to ask where these strategies are coming from. And they really don’t think much of the sword at Zelda’s back.

That’s not to say that nothing is happening between the Links, though!! I’ve been having a field day thinking of little Time, a godling, fresh out of Termina and trying to comprehend the weight of his fate while also being a kid and now fighting in yet another war he never asked to be a part of. He’d appear to the others as Child Link (and go by Mask), using his god powers to change his appearance. He doesn’t have to be Child Link, but with how new his powers are?? He’s scared to be anything else.

And WIND!!! Wind and Ravio interactions!!! I have been thinking about this for WEEKS, ever since you sent this ask. Wind, the chaos gremlin of an Aquili. And Ravio, the violence hating Mer whose whole family and everyone he knew was killed by the corrupted Aquili in his own world. Ravio witnessed his whole pod being murdered, he narrowly escaped. He was a child, alone and afraid. If Legend carries bias against Aquili, imagine the scope of Ravio’s trauma. I wouldn’t be surprised if he avoided Wind at any cost.

(I will be making a lot of Ravio content in the future. He’s just. He’s my little guy).

I’m having a very fun time thinking about these interactions, even if it’s a bummer that Wars isn’t a part of it. (Remember! The only one who knows what Wars is is Sky. Wind and Time never had the chance to meet him. Although, after they discover that he’s a Sword Spirit, I bet a lot of things suddenly make a lot of sense haha!)

ANYWAY. This is one of the less organized lore posts I’ve made but I wanted to get this answered. Like I said, I’m still workshopping this, but I hope this helps? You’re welcome to make a story (as long as you tag me)! I’m sorry if this was a bit of a let down, but even if Wars’ role isn’t very big, I already have so many ideas about the others! I hope this gives you ideas as well

[v-arbellanaris]

PLEASE share about the Cullen Cult Arc

sighs. this is my second time writing this post ;~; literally why does the autosave option exist if tumblr doesnt actually bother to autosave anything, i dont fucking get it.

this is going to be much briefer than the original post i wrote because im still REELING over how tumblr just ate the entire fucking post. its fucking gone. and idk if i have the energy or mental capacity rn to rewrite the whole thing. basically, this arc - which is the arc i developed for him in vee verse - is the arc i think cullen should've had in dai.

firstly, i'm not retconning anything he said or did in dao or da2. this is because those things serve a narrative purpose. cullen is a good templar - that's the entire crux of the problem. he exists in these two games as a narrative tool; he represents the views of the chantry. as such, anything you do with his character arc cannot be divorced from the reality of the mage/templar conflicts, and the glaring issues of the chantry and must, actually, address and involve those things, because cullen is a product of his surroundings. i'm not saying this to minimise or give him excuses for anything he's said or done, but that is made true for him by his very positioning in the narrative as being the chantry's voice. for most of my playthroughs, which lean pro-mage, cullen is an antagonistic force - he has to say and do horrific things, and it would be stupid for me to retcon the horrible things he did.

secondly, my main issue comes from his writing in dai - probably to no one's surprise. i am not unopposed to having a redemption arc for him in dai - this is villain-fucking the blog, sorry not sorry - but the problem is that he does not have one. to have a redemption arc, the following two things needs to happen:

the realisation/acknowledgement/knowledge/whatever that he caused harm to people with his actions/inactions

addressing the False Belief that he has embraced that has previously justified his harmful actions/inactions in order to accept the Truth (this is just basic character narrative construction).

and dai fails to do both of these because the writing team in inquisition is physically incapable of admitting the chantry is wrong and has done wrong and will continue to do wrong. they are physically incapable of looking at fucked up power dynamics and clear cases of oppression and not going "but what if the oppressed people. wanted to be oppressed. NEEDED to be oppressed, even."

which leaves his character arc - whether you want to consider it redemptive or not - confusing. he's trying to shake a lyrium addiction? sure, okay. but why is he addicted to lyrium? why is being addicted to regular ol' lyrium bad? it's not blue lyrium that killed meredith, it's not blue lyrium that corypheus and samson are using.

you get confusing things like cullen's entire character arc being centered around lyrium addiction... but no one seems to give a shit if the inquisitor takes lyrium and becomes a templar, except cullen. you get confusing things like cullen's entire character arc being centered around recovering from lyrium addiction and the templar route in dai and you get to the scene where all the templars get their lyrium draughts. the ceremony and chanting and celebration around getting the lyrium, when barris takes his draught, which is frankly revolting. but it highlights the inconsistency - lyrium, this scene tells us, is good. because the templars are good, and they use it for good. yet cullen's entire arc is about overcoming his lyrium addiction, but don't worry!!!! templars are still good and lyrium is still good. its fucking INCOHERENT!!!!!!

he is addicted to lyrium because that is how the chantry maintains absolute control over its templars. it is a mind-altering substance that causes paranoia, which the chantry specifically takes advantage of and feeds with their all mages are inherently dangerous rhetoric, which is a false rhetoric, as i've pointed out before. but instead of acknowledging any of that, dai's writing goes "lyrium is Bad because [mumble mumble] and its So Important that he doesn't take it so that [mumble mumble]".

because the story is physically incapable of uttering anything even vaguely critical of the chantry.

so, this covers my main issue with his writing in dai. i would ideally try to fix it - without retconning anything he did in dao or in da2. this is what the cullen cult recovery arc is referring to.

i'm not going to go into it in too much detail but the templar order - inclusive of the seekers - fits a lot of the parameters of a cult. specifically, the BITE model, but also this checklist, and a whole bunch of other parameters i found when researching into cults for this specific reason. (which. makes sense. seeing how the orlesian chantry is was also technically a religious cult that becomes the main religion of the lands by actively slaughtering all the other sects)

but what's particularly interesting about it specifically is that, in-world, no one else seems to think it's a cult. for all of cullen's views, he is not the extreme end in da2 - alrik is. meredith is. what's particularly disturbing to me about cullen's point of view is that because he's a product of his environment, because he's a narrative tool representing the chantry's views, cullen's opinions and actions are actually a normality test. people in thedas don't find cullen's views repulsive because most average joes in thedas agree with him. i think it's easy to forget cullen isn't the outlier in-universe - we are.

but, canonically speaking, this is what happens: cullen, like most good antagonists getting a redemption set up, misses his chance to Embrace Change at the end of da2. he sides with meredith too late for it to matter or make a difference - mages (who you learn on the templar route, he's not exactly eager to kill) who he's supposed to protect are already dead. but what happens in kirkwall shakes him to his core and he looks to leave the order entirely - a good step.

the problem is that he leaves the order to join the inquisition. the inquisition, which is headed by the left and right hands of the divine. the right hand of the divine is a seeker herself. the inquisition is spearheaded and justified by the divine, who he has been trained for most his adult life to be subservient to. the divine who formed the inquisition to replace the templar order and hired him to essentially train and recreate the order.

worse, still. no one thinks he did anything wrong. kinloch was not his fault, it was the fault of greagoir and the older templars who were simply not vigilant enough, meredith told him. how he acted to keep order in the circle and the city after the viscount was executed is admirable, cassandra tells him. he was only following orders, leliana admits grudgingly, he stood up for what was right when meredith went too far. no one thinks he did anything wrong, because he is a good templar. because all the atrocities he committed were not committed against people - they were committed against mages, who are not people, not like you and me.

cullen hops from one cult to the next. the inquisition is the exact same thing he's always done and known, just repackaged - quite literally, considering the inquisition's symbol. but canonically, he thinks it's something different. he wants it to be different.

it's not, though.

so, the thought process behind my thoughts for him boils down to this: how does he get the language to describe exactly why this is wrong? how does he get the language to describe why it matters, why it's important, that he hurt real people? how does he get past the Lie that he believes - that he has to be a good templar, to stop anything like kinloch from happening again, since kinloch happened because they weren't vigilant enough, because they were too sympathetic to mages?

his arc shouldn't have just been about overcoming lyrium addiction. his arc should have been a story about recovering from being part of a hate group, a story about recovering from part of a cult.

there's several ways to go about it, i think. and if you want to specifically know how i'm going to do it, you guys should encourage me to write vee verse 😌

[obey-me-disaster]

Hi i was wonderinf if you could make a fic about ghe om charactess reactind to MC doing sh or sum causr im in teh moos to cry rna nd i cant dind ahy good angstfisc lmqo

/not forsce

A/N:Sorry for the long wait! I have decided to brake it into smaller fics for every character instead of one big fic. I will have to do separate posts for it most likely.

CW: self harm, self depricating thoughts, suicidal thoughts, starving as a self punishement/as a way to cause harm

Disclamier: This is inspired from personal experience, so I may not be able to capture the full depth of this topic or how it affects different people. I may rewrite parts of it in the future.

Lucifer x gn!MC

Mammon x gn!MC

Lucifer, Mammon x gn!MC that self harms

When the exchange program first begun MC's safety was regarded as something vital for Diavolo's plan. No one was expecting the way the human exchange student would become so beloved by so many people.

As time went on everyone was so captivated by MC that they failed to realize that they have put them on some sort of pedestal. Sure, the angel, sorcerer and the demons were observant of the way MC was acting but no one wanted to expect something bad was happening to them, especially when they were quick to reassure everyone that nothing was wrong with them.

There were times when the human would be withdrawn from everyone. Times where they looked like they have no energy left and were lost in their own world or times when they were quick to getting annoyed, wanting to be away from everyone. Excuses such as 'I am stressed because of exams' 'I have not been sleeping enough' 'Just one of those days' could only get them so far with beings older than their entire bloodline.

"I know there is something bothering them but every time I try to ask them, they always hit me with one of those lame excuses!" Huffing Mammon stops pacing around and sits on the couch.

"That's exactly why everyone gathered here today. MC is obviously hiding something from us and it has been going on for longer than it should." Placing down the tray full of snacks Simeon continued. "I would love to think we are just overthinking it and MC is fine, but it has become clear that's not the case."

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat Leviathan decided to join the conversation. "MC also stopped joining me for our gaming nights. They were always looking forward to our nights but now every time I ask them to join me, they just dismiss me.." the last part was barely above a whisper.

"Levi does make a point. MC's mood changes have become more frequent and their body language has also changed. It's like they're trying to hide their body from us." Satan tried to make heads of the whole situation. "We could rule out the attack from another demon. They don't smell of blood and their body doesn't seem to be affected by a wound."

While Satan was mumbling to himself, everyone was thinking of MC's behavior, anything that could give them a clue on what's wrong with them.

"If I stay and think about it, they are also refusing to eat as much as they used to, even when they are clearly hungry. I have left some snacks for them so they won't get hungry, but I don't know if MC ever ate them or not." Beel tried to recall all the times MC refused to eat, but just thinking about it made him lose all his appetite.

"Now that we're putting together all of these 'new' habits of MC makes it clear that there is something going on." Diavolo ran a hand through his hair as he sighed. "Solomon, you're the only other human in the whole exchange, maybe you have a better idea of what's happening to them..."

All eyes turned towards the sorcerer, waiting for a response that would help them understand the whole situation. "I actually may suspect something but none of you will like it.." Solomon waited to see if any of them would make a comment, but when that didn't happen he continued on with his explanation.

"As Satan said, their body language has changed and they are trying to cover their body more. The idea of an attack or a curse can be ruled since that would have been observed by now." Everyone nodded, everything he said up until that point was already established. "I am not gonna beat around the bush but I think they may be self harming in some kind of capacity. It's not to the point where it draws blood so we can rule out any kind of cutting. It still doesn't make the situation good but there is at least that..."

"Now what?! We can't let then continue, can we??" Mammon snapped at them out of frustration over the situation. "Going over to MC to confront them about the whole situation won't help them either." Lucifer said as a matter of fact. "For now we will act as if we don't know until we come up with a way to approach the subject."

Seeing as there was nothing else to add to the discussion everyone decided to end things there. Luke could distract MC out of the Purgatory Hall for so long after all.

Lucifer

After the group discussion he decided to watch over MC more closely. Lucifer would often invite them in his study room to talk about their day or if anything was bothering them and every time MC would try to retreat away from everyone, he would take them out on a walk or on dates.

This went on for a little under two weeks before he decided to finally have a talk with them. While MC seemed to be more relaxed than before it was clear that they were not going to open up with him any time soon, and he refused to sit by and let them hurt themself in any capacity.

"So, what did you want to talk about? I am not in trouble, am I?" MC was sitting next to him on the couch. Lucifer has called them a bit earlier into his room with the excuse of 'talking about some recent problems'.

"You are not in trouble, no." Taking a sip from his cup of demonus. "I am not about to waltz around the subject now that you're here." Setting the glass down he took one of their hands in his own and started to gently rub his thumb over their knuckles. "There is something bothering you and I don't want to hear any of your old excuses. Please, tell me the truth so I can help you." From the look the avatar of pride gave them, they knew there was no backing out of this discussion.

He could feel MC's whole body tense up at his question. They stared at him for a while, opening and closing their mouth every time they would try to come up with some sort of excuse only give up. Lucifer waited for them patiently to find their words. If anyone knows how hard it can be to let yourself be vulnerable is him, so he was not gonna rush them. He already approached the subject in a not so gentle manner, to demand more, at least for now would only push MC away.

Finally giving up on coming up with excuses or trying to find a way to make the situation seem less bad than it is, MC leaned their head against Lucifer's shoulder. "Was it that obvious? The way I've been acting.."

"Yes, it was quite obvious, everyone is worried about you" He didn't need to look at MC to know that they winced at the knowledge that everyone knew. "They won't swarm you with questions, I will make sure of that."

"Thank you, Lucifer, I really don't want to deal with all of that, not yet at least.." Despite being more relaxed they still squirmed in their place every so often.

"No need to thank me, we're here for you after all" Kissing the top of their head, both of them settled into a comfortable silence, mainly to give MC time to gather their thoughts.

"I...I guess for starters you want to know for how long I've been feeling like this." Lucifer merely gave them a nod. "Well...I guess not for long. At least since me coming to Devildom. You see, before coming here I didn't have the best self esteem and wasn't that satisfied with my life. When I got chosen for the exchange program, I didn't mind it that much, I saw it as an opportunity to turn over a new leaf."

MC leaned over, their head leaving Lucifer's shoulder, in an attempt to put some distance between themself and Lucifer "And it worked for a while, I met people that care about me a lot, I got better as a person and I was kept busy by the ongoing shit that happens around." Remembering all of the shenanigans they went through brought a smile to MC. "But it's not like my problems disappear. Sure I made progress, but worries that I had in the past came back, past problems transformed into new ones and little by little I got into bad past habits."

Letting out a shaky sigh they continued. "Little by little I got into self destructive habits, such as refusing to do things I would, hiding myself from other to even starving and doing things that would cause me some kind of pain."

Lucifer could only curse himself for not noticing how his lover felt sooner. He put his arms around MC and pull them close to him, making sure to rest their head on his chest as he lowered himself to lay on the couch. While they still couldn't look at him directly they at least didn't push him away. "How about you stay the night in my room? You can talk about what's bothering you in peace, no one will dare to just walk in my room."

Wrapping their hands around his waist, MC made themself comfortable on top of him. "I'm warning you, it might take a while before I fully open up." Chuckling at their words he tighten his hold on them. "Take your time, we have more than enough."

Mammon

Mammon has always been the one to look over others without being really noticed. When they fell from the Celestial Realm he was the one that looked over his brothers and reminded Lucifer that everyone followed him for a reason. He was the one that decided to look over a girl from the human world and help her financially until she is old enough to do it on her own. He was the one assigned to look over MC, to make sure they are safe and well and yet here he was. Pacing around his room, trying to think of a solution on how to approach them.

He couldn't help but be reminded of the whole attic incident, more exactly how MC hid their true reason on why they were making pacts with his brothers. He didn't know what hurt more, the fact that they couldn't trust him or the fact that MC is suffering and he can't do anything about it.

Frustrated he decided to go see them, he didn't exactly have a plan but he was damned if he wouldn't try something. Even if nothing could be done today he will make sure to at least make their day better.

Barging into their room Mammon tried to call out to them but stopped when he heard MC weakly groaning from beneath their bed sheets "Can you tone it down a bit? I've got a nasty headache."

Frowning, the demon made his way next to their bed. Even when he took a sit next to them, MC made no effort in turning around to face him. "What's gotten into you? Ya look all sick and frail" Mammon tried to put his hand on their forehead in order to check their temperature but they shied away from his touch.

Looking at the state of his human, any and all plans of taking them out to town fell apart. "MC, talk to me, what's wrong? And don't give me the 'I'm just sick' excuse, it won't work." Looking at MC, he tried to see if they would react in any way but they only shifted uncomfortably.

"It's nothing serious, I am just tired from catching up with all the homework from RAD, so I need a little bit of rest." MC tried to explain themself but it didn't fool Mammon one bit.

The last of his patience about asking MC about the truth finally disappeared after hearing their overused excused. Lying in bed next to them he put his arms around their waist. When MC made no move to try and get out of his hold, he pulled them closer to him. While they still faced away from him at least it didn't feel like there was such a great distance between the two of them.

"We both know that's a bullshit excuse.." Mammon's voice, while sounding unimpressed, it held no malice. Still, it didn't stop MC from tensing up in his arms.

"Come on, it's me Mammon, you're first man, you can tell me everything don't you? What's bothering you?" He mumbled while burying his face into their shoulder.

Guilt was starting to eat MC up after hearing Mammon's words. They could feel tears trying to come out so they opted to turn around and burry their face into Mammon's chest.

" You're right, I am sorry..." they said trying to hide the fact that they were on the verge of crying.

Relieved at seeing MC starting to open up he continued to press on the issue at hand. "It's ok, you've got me here, why don't ya start from telling me how you're feeling right now?"

The human took a few moments to come up with a way to explain their situation at the moment. "You see, I wasn't lying when I said I have a headache. It's just that, it's a result from me skipping meals for a while or so. In fact, my body feels so weak that I can barely move..." They internally winced at their explanation but they didn't have much time to dwell on it when Mammon sat up looking alarmed.

"What do you mean by that?! Why's that? Don't tell me you're trying one of Asmo's crazy diets?" Looking down on them, he tried to see if there is anything else he should take notice off, besides their nasty glare.

"Nothing of that sorts, don't worry." Turning on their back they stared up at the ceiling, looking right past Mammon. Being relieved at their words he decided to make himself comfortable in bed next to them.

"You see, it's an old habit of mine to skip meals. But when I get stressed or start to feel overwhelmed I start taking that habit to an extreme." Hearing them talk, Mammon is able to take note of how weak their voice sounded

"I lose all motivation to eat, and when I start feeling nauseous and the pain in my stomach starts to get worse, it pushes me to do it more and more until I am left lying helplessly in bed. The more pathetic I feel, the more reasons I have to skip meals and make this feeling of helplessness last longer." Sighing, some silent tears rolled down from the corner of their eyes.

Kicking himself mentally, Mammon decided to take a mental note to watch their eating habits more carefully in the future. "But what set you off? Was it the workload from RAD?" He asked them hoping to get a better understanding of what was bothering them.

"I honestly don't know...it's a mix of that and some other stuff, but I don't want to think about it now." MC's voice held some resentment as they explained. That was the cue for Mammon that he won't get any more information out of his human for that night.

Still, he couldn't leave them in that sorry state, not as long as he was there to take care of them. "I am going to make you one of my famous instant noodles just for you, so ya better be thankful!"

Just as he was about to leave the room he turned one last time towards them. "Afterwards be prepared to go on a ride with me, I will take you to some places in here Devildom you've never seen before."

MC merely gave him a nod but that was more than enough confirmation for him as he went to prepare everything he needed.

A/N: So, this is getting way too long so I will stop it here for now. I will come back to update it in the future for the rest of the characters, but I don't want it to sit in my drafts any longer.

[theliterarywolf]

1/3 Honestly, I remember the side of gamergate that was actually advocating to actually support women in gaming. Especially after a woman took and ran with the money from a "for women developers" funds, and then 4chan pooled money for a game and made Viv. I also remember... Bree Wu? Who was incredibly hypocritical about female designs, but made a complete trashfire with characters that wore skin tight latex looking stuff. I even remember how Anita Sarkesian? made those god awful "gaming review"

Vids, where it turned out she lied about gameplay, the mechanics, story and even about having played it herself. I remember how she completely shat on Bayonetta, and called her a "single mom"? Or how she lied about "In Hitman you get bonus points for killing women." while you could literally see the penalties on the (stolen) gameplay footage. I also remember how she started a gofundme? to make a bunch of those videos, got more than the goal, and then didn't deliver most of the videos. I'm not saying Gamergate was completely peachy and the knights in shining armor and righteous, I'm well aware there were trolls and actual harassment going on, but seeing people twist history to make it "the bad stinky gamers vs the poor innocent waaahmen" is honestly gross. Especially when it was revealed that gamergate did uncover a lot of bullshit in the gamin journalism branch, which you can't refute, but is now being sold as "That had nothing to do with anything, they just hate women."

Because certain groups of people would rather move Heaven and Earth to make themselves look like the victims of a culture-war that they themselves triggered than admit that they ever did anything wrong.

I think the perfect testimony to the dichotomy of those were for Gamergate and those who were against it stands in how most of those who were for it in the past can look at themselves and say 'Yeah, there were some things that could have been done better/differently' whereas those who were against it don't do anything but try to rewrite what the whole ordeal was about in the first place.

[dnpanimationstudioclone]

Rewrite Ideas for Lila Rossi

I know there’s been a lot of criticism about Lila’s lies and how Marinette’s friends and other people trust Lila’s word over hers, especially Alya her best friend and journalist. What if Lila wasn’t just more careful with her lies(telling more believable lies with fake proof or atleast have benefit of the doubt, more cautious about threats and frame ups), but instead of telling negative lies about someone people should know better about, she instead uses already known truths against them. Does still manipulate certain things but also make those are unto her or see as a threat, dig their own graves, expose their own issues.  Ex, Like how Lila made Aya think the issue was just Marinette having a crush on Adrien and being jealous.

I think it would’ve worked more if Lila actually played into this more. Not just using Marinette’s crush on Adrien but her and the other’s biggest flaws(overthinking things, insecurity, digging herself deeper into her problems, etc) Using their issues and past mistakes to manipulate things in her benefit or atleast make people consider past issues that would make people have to also consider.

Marinette if she decided to just come out and say why she doesn’t trust Lila when she comes back as a new classmate, similar to when she talked to Alya and Nino.

Lila-I really dont get where all this skepticism’s coming from. I was only here one day and I don’t think we even got to meet, let alone talk, so how could you know anything I did-

Marinette-BECAUSE I FOLLOWED YOU!

Class-What!?

Lila-I’m sorry, what?😈

Marinette-I said I…oh boy. Realizes how bad that sounds and can’t really tell them the stuff she’d have to known as Ladybug.

Adrien-Wait I don’t get it, why follow us?

Class knowing Marinette’s huge crush on Adrien and the crazy things she has done involving him-…nervous coughs.

Ayla who also knows this and who Marinette told she was gonna follow them-Oh boy.

Later

Ayla-Listen Lila I’m really sorry, I should’ve stopped her. Are you gonna bring this up with the teachers?

Lila- Hey, don’t worry about it. I mean you’re her friend, not her mom, it’s not your responsibility to watch what she’s up to. I’m just happy this was simply because she likes Adrien and not because she really thinks I’m some “evil manipulative mastermind”, this doesn’t feel like anything I need to involve a teacher with, not like anyone got really hurt. I’ll be honest I have a problem sometimes being fully honest, I may exaggerate or tell a few white lies just simply to fit in, I’m not trying to hurt anyone. But seriously, we've only hung out like only a few times, he really is just a friend to me at this point. I’m sorry for all the trouble.

Alya- Don’t worry about it, honestly this isn’t really ur fault.

Lila-Well thanks and seriously, this isn’t really your fault either. Alya- Thank you. Still, maybe I should’ve been more concerned.

Lila- I mean these things happen, We’re teens, sometimes we might let our hormones get the better of us but I doubt this stuff happen all the time, she seems like a good person. Besides if she did do something that really crossed the line, as her best friend, I’m sure you def would call her out or atleast make it clear u don’t support it, right?

Ayla-…

Lila-Do you think I should talk to Marinette?

Alya- No, no don’t worry about that. Maybe I should though.

Lila-Yeah, I’m sure you’re right. she’d probably listen better to a friend anyway 😈

and doesn’t just do this kinda stuff with Marinette but can pit the whole class against eachother If she plays the cards right, full on Mean Girls Watch The World Burn🔥🔥🔥. All while, looking completely inconspicuous and whatever she could’ve done would be seen as simply indirect or unintentional and certainly no way she could’ve known it would lead to such an outcome…right?

Lila-As such a great designer Marinette, I’d figure you’d understand that rather try to make something completely new, better to make the best out of the materials you already have! And there is just so much to work with, especially with you😈

And rather Marinette not trying to expose her because of Adrien's advice but rather her own self doubt. “What if I really am just jealous and overthinking this whole thing”, “I technically was in the wrong first for following them, granted I had to for the book but I didn’t know that at first”, “what if I make things worse and Alya…won’t be my friend anymore”…”she’s probably right, maybe Lila’s just harmless and it really is all in my head”…”maybe it is just me”.

I just like antagonists who make the protagonists consider their own moral character and actions, if they’re really as good as they think they are. Even if they’re manipulative liars who are trying to be dishonest, there’s always that certain part of what they say that can’t be fully brushed off as entirely wrong, sometimes even being the ones to call out the protagonists’s less moral actions and mistakes.  And I think Lila could’ve really had that sort of potential with Marinette. For better or for worse, her impact could make Marinette reflect on herself.

Lila-You’re the type of person who sees themselves as the hero in their own story and that everything you do is right, but truth is you can just as easily be the villain! You think my lies are bad? Half of what I say is just calling you out on your own mistakes. You just can’t handle the TRUTH!😈

what do u think? How’d u wanna rewrite Lila? I’d love to know💖

[ficfinder-general]

I'm new to Codywan. Doyou have a list of Must Reads or Fandom Classics or anything like that? (Bonus points for longfic!)

Funnily enough, I'm not sure I'm an expert on Fandom Classics, but I do think that the long Clone Wars rewrites/fix-its are a perfect way to start! (And then you can move on to shorter fics and crazy AUs haha) So these are all longer, and can be fit into TCW continuity, even if they diverge at some point because the writers can't help themselves and will fix canon (as they should).

{recs under the cut, please mind the tags listed on ao3}

in our hearts some ancient song by whimsicalimages (@keensers)- Fives discovers the chips, he's on the run and gambles his life on the assumption that there's something going on between Cody and his general, so they would help him. Some amazing lore in this fic. 40k words

Golden Shield of Brightness by NerJetii (@nerjetii)- Soulmate AU, your soulmates' (romantic and platonic) names are written on your wrists. "Only" 15k, but I would recommend it even if you're not a fan of soulmate AUs (=they don't fall into each other's arms just because they're soulmates). Focuses on Obi-Wan, mostly, but we also learn a bit about how the Kaminoans treated the clones.

I am teaching myself how to be free by tattooedgreenhouse (@gershwyndl) - this might be THE Clone Wars rewrite for me because the author has taken upon themselves to literally retell the whole series from Cody's AND Obi-Wan's POV. It's ambitious, I'm pretty sure it's technically canon compliant, but we do get our happy ending. Appropriately, it's 113k long.

i'll orbit your flickering star by sunskippa (@sunskippa) - Also a Clone Wars rewrite (by this I mean that it goes through the events of the series from Cody's POV), also canon compliant, 78k words. Might be my favourite ending in the genre, beautiful. I don't even know how to sell this, but it's a must-read imo

|to failure sweet victor| by littlekaracan (@cillyscribbles)- 20k words. In case you've read all those rewrites and you just want to skip to the part where Cody leaves the Empire and they find each other again on Tatooine *with a twist*

you read my mind, I'll read yours series by sospes - This is very much canon divergent. Starts off as a mission fic, Cody and Obi-Wan discover an artefact that creates a Force-bond between them. Misunderstandings ensue. Look at the tags/ratings, some of the works later on are spicier/angstier. But you could also read the first one and call it a day if those aren't your jam. (The whole thing is 166k long at the moment.)

will you be an anarchist with me? by a_alene (@birdiedoessw) - an outsider POV (Rex's) on Cody's and Obi-Wan's relationship. With the extra twist that they can't stand each other at the beginning of the war. This is something I would've loved to read when I was getting into codywan, it's a great way to start. (25k words)

shoulder the sky series by Night Fury (@shootingstarpilot) - Last but not least, an ongoing series (all but two works are finished, more than 200k words atm). You'll have to "get through" the first work to read the more codywan-focused fics (and I don't mean this in a bad way because the story is a m a z i n g. Just so you know.) To be honest, I think it might be a bit confusing to read at the moment because as far as I can see a work was removed from the series, but it's still up? I'm not sure what happened there, but I suppose you could simply read all the author's works in chronological order :D This series is pretty much Obi-Wan AND clone troopers focused and relies a lot on the Jedi Apprentice series (which isn't canon anymore) but you're gonna be fine if you haven't read it.

(If anyone reads this, please feel free to add your own suggestions!)