#the-out-of-time-soldier

[vaxxman]

Could I request Medic having The Mom Grip on Scout’s shoulder after the speedy moron almost let a mercenary secret slip while they weee getting groceries?

Three Europeans and two Americans walk into a grocery store in New Mexico.

I hope this is the right meme.

More silliness below.

This comic is the antithesis of the "wtf is a kilometre" joke.

The faces they make when they can't quite identify the type of brown bread in the bread aisle.

You don't know how [insert nationality here] you are until you go overseas and things are different.

Spy obviously has no problems with pretending to know how much a gallon of milk is, he just peeks into his conversion chart notes, pretending it's his shopping list.

I want to think Heavy is completely fine with having to readjust to a new unit system, he just eyeballs most practical things anyways by holding them up and mumbling about how they approximately weigh like a chicken or his kettle bell etc. He's always been living in practical ignorant bliss.

Medic has a peer reviewed meltdown the first time he realises there's no uniformity in "a cup of ____" because every object has different densities. He's diligent about memorising the conversion rates for ounces, pounds, the most common things etc., and recovers ok. He goes through the same stages of grief rage when he finds out about distances and lengths.

Just remember four inches are 10.16 cm and pray no one asks you to specify anything bigger than inches.

Everyone does a mental victory lap when they manage to guess how much Celsius the weather is because they keep forgetting it's Celsius*5/9+32=Fahrenheit, Engineer reminds them patiently.

The true victories are the correct temperature guesses we've made along the way.

One time, a friend asked me if I actually knew how much a tablespoon of flour was in gramms to convince me that metric users also make use of volume based units without thinking about them. But little did she know a heaped spoonful of 405 flour is about 15g and a level tablespoon is 10g.

They claim Oolong just tastes better when it's boiled to 80°C exactly with a Bunsen burner.

You only asked for one scene but somehow I came up with a bunch of other things. This post was drawn across 2 months so the artstyle is all over the place. Thanks for your ask!

[lucabyte]

A belief in Nominative Determinsim

[pocoyo-yo]

'𝐈 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐂𝐫𝐲, 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐭'

SUMMARY: pls hear me out.. but yeah, dilf jake fucks you like he's young again.

WARNINGS: smut, size kink, avatar/na'vi!jake, dilf!jake, fem!bodied reader, omaticaya!reader, fingering, squirting, creampie, unprotected sex, breeding kink, praise, degradtion, manhandling, hair pulling, overstimulation, doggy style (pos.), dry humping (until shit ain't dry), pet names (baby, pretty thing, pretty girl, whore just a lil bit, ...babygirl)

PART TWO

"babygirl.. fuck— just a minute."

you pouted and continued to kiss on jakes neck, leaving dark blue and purple kiss marks on his stripped skin.

"you're always so busy, ma jake," you whined. "..we never get time to ourselves."

jake clicked his tongue, glancing over at you with a scoff, "we get plenty of time to ourselves, baby. it's just under the wrong circumstances because the kids are never in the village— and when they're not here they're doing shit they shouldn't be."

you caressed his shoulders and nipped at his ear while he sharpened his knife for a later hunt.

"you used to be such a animal when were young," you whispered as you laid a kiss on the crown of his pointy ear. ".. 'used to leave me crying, begging for more— that is how we ended up with so many children."

you gave jake's shoulders one last rub before you stood up— you weren't going to pester him. you understood he had responsibilites as olo'teykan just as you had your own responsibilites.

"used to?" he murmured— his voice was quite harsh, but it sounded more of disbelief.

you tilted your head to side, not hearing what he had said.

jake set his knife of the ground and slowly stood up, his eyebrows furrowed as he turned around to face you.

"so you're sayin'... i don't fuck you like that anymore?"

your fangs sunk into your bottom lip as he walked towards you— his golden eyes sharp and his strong jaw clenched.

"jake.." you mumbled breathlessly. your eyes flickering between him and the open entrance to your hut. anyone could walk by and see.

his large hand gripped your jaw— forcing your cheeks together as he made you stare right at him.

"i don't make you feel good anymore?"

you placed your hands on his chest, feeling up his broad pecs.

"no no no you make me feel good," you hummed. "you make me feel so good.. I just—"

jake released your face from his grip and a grin spread across his lips, "I get it now.."

you looked him up and down, even though you both were so tall he seemed to tower over you, "you do?"

he nodded and said simply, "my pretty thing just wants to get fucked like a whore again."

you felt your cheeks grow warm at the vulgerness of his words. a whore. back when you were young, jake explained the meaning to you after letting it slip.

he swiftly cupped your ass which made you whimper before he set you flat on his table. it was covered in radios, monitors, maps— shit he made sure the kids never touched. yet right now, he didn't care that they were being knocked to the floor by your whoosing tail.

"spread your legs," jake pressed his forehead against yours, staring deep into your eyes— waiting until you did what was told. "don't be like that— you like don't being called a whore, babygirl?"

you looked away, licking your lips.

"it's okay," he kissed your forehead, his rough palms massaging your thighs. "just spread your legs for me.. I guess I won't call you that anymore."

"no.. no ma jake," you let your legs spread and held his face. he chuckled at your desperation to be degraded by him— most would beg for praise. "I want you to use me— like you used to. pretend that right now we're not husband and wife, we are not mates— just here to feel good." you explained quickly— ashamed at how badly you wanted him to revert from his husband like ways back to teen who would fuck you anywhere that he could. leave you shaking and gasping for air— that had you clinging onto anything for stability because his thrusts were so powerful.

"now what do you say?"

you begged, "please.."

he grinned and shoved his pelvis in between your spread legs, pressing his thin lips against your plump ones. you gasped as his teeth tugged on your swollen bottom lip— hot tongue finding your own as you tugged on his locs.

jake groaned as he rolled his hips against you— his covered erection rubbed roughly against your clothed cunt.

"jake," you rasped, your cunt drooling at the intense friction. "oh my— oh great mother—"

he pulled back, still humping you while you let you head fall back between your shoulders.

"holy shit you're drenched, baby." he chuckled, feeling your slick seep into his own loincloth.

you felt embarassed at the sound of your sticky loincloth being rutted against— it made you slightly ashamed that you were so wet so easily— that your slick was escaping onto your inner thighs.

"take it off," you pleaded, jake's buldge pressing right up against your avoided clit. "oh fuck—"

jake covered your mouth and squeezed his eyes shut as he rubbed his large buldge over your clit again. you moaned into his palm, clawing at his scalp while he let out a sigh.

"feels good huh," he grunted, your muffled whines caused his ears to twitch upwards. ".. I don't about you but i'm lovin' this, pretty girl."

"jwake..jwake plwease.." your attention focused on his hand, clawing at it while you moaned.

"one sec," he kissed your nose. "don't you dare cum either."

jake huffed, "listen to that," he rubbed himself against you slowly— not making a sound. your legs trembled at how agonizingly slow he was going. and the only thing that could be heard was the wet squelch your pussy made. ".. so damn wet 'nd I haven't even stripped you yet, baby. you really are a whore."

jake pulled his hand away and you gasped— lips wet and shimmering with spit. heavy pants left your mouth as he backed away his buldge. jake then gripped the waistband of your loin-cloth and pulled it down until you were able to kick it off onto the floor.

"ma jake, I need you.." you whimpered, bucking your hips toward him.

"i know, babygirl," he rubbed his long fingers over your slit, gathering your slick while he admired your glistening cunt. ".. I know ya do."

he kissed your temple and spread apart your folds before he sunk two fingers into your cunt. you sucked him in easy, but clenched tightly around them.

"jake," you whined, legs locked around his mid-back so that the harsh thrusts of his fingers could reach deeper. "ma jake— fuck! j— jake.."

"shh," he murmured, his thumb working your clit while his two fingers curled and stroked your warm insides. your arousal gushing out onto his hand while you reached for his broad shoulders— deperate for stability. "relax, pretty thing— relax."

your eyes widdened as his fingertips curled and pressed firmly against that gummy spot in your walls. a string of moans fell from your swollen lips as jake attacked your g-spot with a semi-unreadable expression. 'semi' because you could see how much lust was growing inside of him just be looking into his eyes— eyelids hooded but his pupils dialated.

"..m—more! please.. 'need more." your eyelashes fluttered, teardrops rolling down your hot cheeks.

"you want another finger, baby?"

you nodded quickly, "please ma jake." his fangs tugged on his bottom lip at how eager you were.

jake pulled his two fingers out and pushed back in with a third. your pussy twitched at the feeling, your jaw hanging as a loud moan left you. jake glared up at you, not slowing his pace one bit which already had your legs shaking.

"they're gonna hear you." he cooed.

you stared up at the ceiling of the hut, a slight grin forming at the corners of your open mouth.

"feels s'good," you sobbed. "i don't care— don't care.. just lemme cum, ma jake— gotta cum.. don't care!"

his eyebrows rose at your words and his cock was so hard in the restraints of his loincloth that it was beginning to become painful.

so this is what you meant.

now he truly understood your want for him to fuck you like he used to. no lovey dovey shit because, fuck, he missed when you acted like this. to him you still looked like the eighteen year old he met all those years ago even though you disagreed at times— but now when you made that face, said those things, all he could see was that version yourself— that you both left behind when more and more kids started coming around.

he chuckled, "my perfect lil whore," his lips sloppily kissed, sucked, and nibbled at your neck. "you're mine, baby— you and this messy lil cunt."

his fingers were knuckle deep and every thrust felt so fast that everytime they sunk back inside, it felt like his palm was slapping your cunt, which was now stinging and sore.

"m'gonna cum.. please let me cum.." you cried out and dug your nails into his his skin, chest heaving rapidly.

"say it." he groaned, gulping at your now bright and bruised pussy.

"jake please.." you whimpered, thigh muscles tensing as your orgasm built up deep in your abdomen.

"thats not it," his movements growing harsher. "fucking say it."

your eyes flickered back in your head as you whimpered, "m'yours, ma jake!"

"and?"

"me.. an— and my cunt are yours forever— only yours.." you sniffled.

"that's right," he pressed his forehead against your once again and you wrapped your arms around his neck. "go on, cum on my fingers babygirl."

your toes curled and stomach churned as you the thin thread that was holding your composure together snapped— a silent scream was all you could muster as you gushed around his fingers, a stream of your release splashing against your lower stomach, jake's forearm, and his stomach.

"look at you," jake hummed, his eyes wide at the sight while your mind faught between embarassment and pleasure. "such a pretty sight— should've been recording."

you gasped and hit his chest as he pulled out his soaked fingers.

".. w— we," you could barely form a sentence. "do not record such.. such intimate things on that— that—"

"— the camera?" he finished with a chuckle.

"yes.. the camera," you mumbled with a pout. "that is a sky-people thing."

"I know.. I know I'm just teasing," he sucked on his wet fingers and hummed pleasantly. your cheeks grew warm at the sight. "fuck, I wouldn't want to risk other guys seeing you like that— only I can see you in that way." jake muttered, his eyes focused on your lips.

".. fuck, I guess i'm going with pussy." jake shook his head and slid down his loincloth, letting his thick cock finally be free. the mushroom tip was fading from blue to a cotton-candy pink as pre-cum dripped from the slit. a vien ran down the left side and splotches of starry freckles covered the base.

"hm?" you questioned, dragging your finger-tips down his hardened cock as he leaned over you.

"I was deciding whether I was going to fuck your face," he kissed your lips softly. "or fuck your pussy— pussy won."

jake rubbed his cock over your slit, trying to coat it in your wettness.

"ma jake.." you whispered breathless.

he paused, staring deeply into your eyes.

"get up," he ordered. "get up and bend over the table."

you frowned at jake and he took a step back, (your legs falling back to the floor) giving you room to do what he asked. you reluctantly scooted off of the table and jake rolled his eyes, picking you up and flipping you over himself.

he pressed his hand into your back, forcing your stomach onto the table and your back into an arch.

your tail whipped around, expressing your excitement or nervousness— you didn't know anymore.

jake tugged on it playfully and you squealed— whipping your head back to look at him. he let it go, now holding his dick and rubbing the tip over your slit. you bit down on your bottom lip and grinded yourself against him, trying to gain friction.

"don't," he tugged at your tail again then guided his fat cock into your weeping cunt. "..'you pull shit like that and I'll stop." he grunted.

you hid your face in the table and moaned, clawing at the wood as his cock sunk deeper and deeper inside of you until the slight upward curve allowed his tip to press firmly against your g-spot. your ears perked up at jake's breathy pants as his hands carressed your ass before they dug into your hips.

"oh fuck," jake mumbled, inhaling a sharp breath as he pulled back slowly before slamming back inside of your puffy pussy— earning a sob. ".. you really are wet, babygirl. warm 'nd wet.."

you whimpered as jake's nails peirced your skin, his cock drilled into you repeatedly. your legs were already weak from earlier and right now they felt even weaker with is cock splitting your cunt in two. you had taken jakes dick plenty (obviously), but you could never get used to his size, so he would usually let you adjust— but not now. now he was just fucking you— fucking you to get himself off.

you whined, "j— jake I can't—"

"yes you can," one hand left your hips and gripped your hair, avoiding your queue and yanking your head back. "you wanted it, you take it."

"ma jake!" you let your jaw hang agape, whimpers and moans spilling out constantly. "so big.. s'big," you hiccuped on cries and jake leaned down— his cock to kissing your cervix with each hard and calculated thrust. his heavy balls slapped against your wet pussy and gave your clit just a tease of stimulation. "oh great mother.. o—oh great mother! jake please!"

your cunt was squeezing him tight. every time he he pulled back it was like you didn't want to let him go.. and jake liked that. you could cry all you want, but that alone told him you were alright— just babbling on words.

"please what?"

you tried to get the words to come out— to even think properly about what you wanted to say. your mind was growing foggy, the only thoughts being pleasure and jakes dick bruising your insides.

you gasped, "tsaheylu! please.. 'need it so bad, ma jake.."

jake left open mouth kisses on your neck, still gripping your hair tightly. "what happened to we aren't mates right now?" he chuckled.

you sniffled, "w—wanna," you whimpered while jake sunk his fangs into your shoulder. "wan—"

he murmured, "come on, spit it out, baby." he peppered soft kisses over his bite mark.

"wanna feel you.. feel good." you finished, looking back at jake with a set of eyes and a pout that he couldn't refuse.

"alright." jake huffed and he let go of your hair to pull his braid from over his shoulder (his pace not letting up one bit while fucking you). you shakily lifted yours and he brought his closer, allowing your queues to intertwine.

both of your pupils dialated immensely, a long moan leaving your lips as your cunt squeezed around jake even tighter. you could feel how good he felt down to every pleasurable jolt in his nerves.

jake thrusts slowly became more rapid but also very sloppy— he was panting heavily, gulping every few minutes.

"damn.. d— damn," jake let one arm rest on the table hold himself up while the other left your hip and slid under you to play with your breasts. his entire body covered you while he rutted messily into you, your slick now wetting his thighs. ".. holy fuck, baby— I make you feel this good, huh?"

you nodded quickly and licked your lips at the tight knot that was forming in your belly.

"jaaake, more please," you sobbed, throwing your head back onto his shoulder. "m'gonna cum— it feels s'good."

"yeah? if I let you cum right now, you let me cum inside? let me give you another brat," he kissed your cheek. "i don't like three— lets make it four, baby.."

"want it inside," you cried out, squirming in his hold as your orgasm approached. "want another one, ma jake."

"I know, I know," he grunted, breathy moans leaving his lips. "I can feel it— 'just wanted to ask."

you bit down on your bottom lip— at this point it was so swollen that it hurt when whimpers tried to escape, that tight knot unraveling once the tip of jakes cock pressed firm against your cervix. your eyes squeezed shut as you creamed around his dick, his name seeping from your lips.

jake groaned, cock twitching at the feeling of the pleasure of your orgasm flowing through him.

he hid his face in your neck, whimpering, "oh fuck.. oh fuck.. oh fuuck.."

jake pressed his body as close to yours as he could before he painted your gummy walls white with his thick cum. you moaned at the feeling his own pleasure consuming you both, and the feeling of jake rutting inside you until he was sure he had nothing left to give you.

"ma jake," you panted. "..are you alright?"

he slowly lifted his head from your neck and kissed your temple. "never better." he answered, out of breath.

"you happy now," jake pulled out and turned you on your back, his cum leaking out from your puffy cunt and onto his table. ".. 'can't believe you said I used to fuck you like that.. hah, I can fuck you however I want. I just choose to make-love to you now," he kissed away your tears before finding your lips. "because your my mate.."

you smiled up at jake and cupped his cheek, "y'know.. you used to fuck me over and over again— until I passed out."

jake clicked his tongue, ".. if you want to get manhandled just say it— you don't have to make me angry, babygirl."

you traced your hands down jakes chest and pouted, "..but you fuck me harder when your angry, ma jake."

jake stared at you, and you could feel something stiff rub against your thigh— his lips curling into a eager grin that reminded you so much of his younger self.

"then let's get it done."

- I can't believe I'm almost at 400 followers.. thank you all so much!!! -

[umbrace-rambles]

Woe kidkiller be upon ye

[elleniemae]

Rewatched CATWS, fell down the Bucky Barnes Brainrot rabbithole again, and discovered, for the first time (somehow), that in the comics, BUCKY HAS A FREAKING CAT.

WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME???

Anyway, I ask forgiveness for my lack of Comic Bucky knowledge with this drawing of Bucky and his (emotional support) cat.

(Manifesting, PLZ MCU give him a cat)

[bizarrelittlemew]

Jim, treetop assassin 🔪

[s0fter-sin]

soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart

sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers

and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure

the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish

soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down

he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill

we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan

he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost

he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them

he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted

he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much

[pudgiewudgie]

umm... EXPLOSION

[ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously]

You can't tell me she wasn't the cool babysitter for at least some time

[damnyoucully]

Rewatching TFATWS for the first time in ages and my stupid internet really froze up on me at this exact moment what the hell this is emotional terrorism

[racmune]

heavymed for @hisprocedure

i hope tumblr doesnt eat the quality .-.

[karuuhnia]

You probably know the game! Put something into Google Translate and translate it back and forth into various languages until you get a funny result. I decided to do it with the TF2 mercs. :D

ALSO, today is the 15th anniversary of TF2, so I just finished this in time!!! Here’s to at least 15 more years! 🥳🎉

_______________

Please do not alter, repost/reupload or redistribute my artwork anywhere! (Reblogging is perfectly fine, of course.)

[paranorahjones]

I'm rereading Lockwood & Co. and I just started The Screaming Staircase and. the thought of little 8-year-old Lucy Carlyle walking around in an agency uniform actually makes me so sick to my stomach.

[suntails]

the general’s son

[bluebird-ascended]

LESBIANS YAAAAAY

[deserthusbands]

obi-wan, approaching cody who sat, propped against what he thinks is part of the at-te's leg, battered and bloody, placing a gentle hand on his arm: you did well out there, cody.

cody, grimacing but chuckling: ‘e couldn't have done it without you, general.

obi-wan: oh, i did the easy part.. the difference in appearance really proves that, hm?

cody: mmf.

obi-wan: we need to get you to the medic, my dear.. helix won't be pleased to see either of us again, but you won't be getting away with walking this one off.

cody, managing a small pained smile: yes, general.. permission to rest?

obi-wan, fondly, and ever so gently pressing a kiss to the clones forehead: permission granted.. you deserve it.