#their genders aren’t confirmed so we’re gonna call them all ‘they’ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

babydollmarauders · 1 year

Note

i absolutely love the el!hughes series. What about a blurb of them telling ellen and jim, luke and quinn and the team?

i got very carried away with this one. it’s not even a blurb anymore, it’s a fic 😭

it’s been a week since Jack and i found out i’m pregnant, and Jack has been itching to tell everyone.

i was able to hold him off until i could make it in to a doctor and get an ultrasound done, just in case the tests were wrong. but that happened yesterday and our results confirmed what we already knew. i’m pregnant.

now, Jack has spent the past twenty minutes just staring at the ultrasound pictures while i get ready for the day. i can hear the guys all yelling around the house, Ellen scolding them to be quieter.

my thoughts spiral as i think about how everyone will react when we tell them.

“hey. where’s your head at, pretty girl?” my eyes shift in the mirror to look at Jack’s reflection. he lays in the bed, sitting up against the headboard with the ultrasound pictures clutched in his hand, but rather than the pictures, he now looks at me through the mirror.

“are they gonna be mad?” i whisper, my hand coming down to lay on my stomach, already feeling protective over my unborn child. i obviously haven’t started showing yet, but it’s insane to me to think that someday soon, i’ll have a baby bump there.

“is who gonna be mad, baby?” he stands from the bed, pacing around it to reach me. he steps behind me, his hands flexing along the sides of my waist.

“your parents. your brothers. everyone.” i mumble, slightly embarrassed over my insecurities. “i mean, your parents didn’t even have Quinn until they were in their thirties; are they gonna look down upon us for having a baby when we’re so young? we’re not even married yet.”

“hey.” he coos, using his grip on my waist to twist me around. my gaze settles on my feet, afraid to face him. “look at me.”

i lift my eyes to look in his, the blue instantly easing some of my anxiety.

“they’re not gonna look down upon us. we’re young, sure, but plenty of people start families at our age. or even younger.” he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, smiling down at me now. “besides, the marriage argument is kinda moot seeing as we only have five days until you become Mrs.Hughes.”

my face heats at the reminder. the idea of vowing to love him until death do us part only seems more exciting in this moment. i’ve waited for this moment for three years, and before that, i could only fantasize about dating my best friend. and now here i am, five days away from our wedding day. if someone told fourteen year old y/n that she would be marrying her hot hockey player best friend, i surely would’ve thought they were insane.

“they love you, and they love how happy you make me. even if they aren’t too supportive at first, once they see how happy i am about this, i promise they’ll be even more excited for it than we are.”

“did you just call our baby an ‘it’?” i laugh, lightly smacking at his chest.

“well, we don’t know the gender yet! i don’t wanna assume!” he replies, pulling me flush against his body. “you feeling better now?”

“yeah, i think so.” i admit. i crane my neck, pulling him into a soft and slow kiss. applying all my love into this kiss. pulling away, i brush my hand against his cheek. “let’s go tell them, yeah?”

“really?!” his eyes light up in excitement, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he pulls back to properly look at my face.

“yeah, babe. let’s tell them we’re having a baby.”

it’s no more than five minutes later that Jack and i stand in front of the living room couch. having successfully kicked Trevor and Cole, who were cuddling, off of it in order to seat Jack’s family. Trevor, Cole, Alex, and a couple of Quinn and Luke’s friends who are in town, stand behind the couch.

“you guys aren’t calling off the wedding are you?” Ellen’s voice is frantic.

“Hughesy, if you let that woman go, i will single handedly kick your ass.” Trevor raises an eyebrow at my fiancé, making me laugh. i blow a kiss to my closest friend since high school, after Jack.

“what? no! we’re not calling off the wedding.” Jack rolls his eyes, smacking my still outstretched hand away from my lips. he glances over at me and i steel my nerves, giving him a single nod.

“y/n is pregnant.”

the room is silent for a moment and i’m forced to scan people’s facial expressions for reactions; Jim and Ellen are stoically blinking at us, Quinn wears a smirk while Luke wears a slight frown, Trevor and Cole grin from ear to ear, and Alex smiles softly at us.

i clutch Jack’s hand in mine in order to ease my nerves.

“does anyone have anything to say?” i mumble. sensing my feelings, Jack turns his head and presses a kiss to the top of mine.

“i- um-” Ellen stumbles over her words.

“are you guys happy about it?” Jim cuts in, which makes Jack smile, nodding his head.

“yeah, we’re really happy.” he tells his father.

“scared! but happy.” i confess.

“then we’re happy for you!” Ellen cheers, standing to pull us into a hug. “oh, my baby is gonna have a baby!”

her reaction causes me to let out a deep exhale, letting the stress leave my body.

Jim hugs us next, bidding us a congratulations before Quinn swoops in.

“congrats, guys! and thank you!” Jack and i exchange a look, our faces scrunched in confusion.

“thanks! but what are you thanking us for?” Jack questions.

“because Luke and i made a bet on when you’d announce it. i said before the wedding, he said after. i won!” my eyes widen at Quinn’s words.

“what do you mean, when we’d announce it?” i ask him.

“when did you guys find out?” Jack chimes in.

“well we didn’t know know. we just googled y/n’s symptoms and pregnancy was the first result that came up.”

“you two couldn’t have waited a week?” Luke calls as he walks over to us, followed by Trevor, Cole, and Alex.

“i could barely get your brother to wait the week that we did wait. i don’t think he would’ve been able to handle another one!” i joke, patting Jack’s chest lovingly. the guys all laugh and Trevor throws an arm around Jack’s shoulders.

“congratulations bro! you’re gonna be a dad!” Trevor cheers, patting Jack’s chest a bit rougher than i just did.

“hey! i’m here too! ya know, the woman with the human growing inside of her!” i laugh and Trevor drops his arm from Jack’s shoulders, instead opting to pull me into his arms and pick me up in a hug.

“congratulations, y/n/n! hope you don’t get sick too much.” he tells me as he sets me down. at the mention of getting sick, i start to feel slightly nauseous.

“oh, you asshole!” i look towards the ceiling, swallowing and willing it away as Jack starts rubbing my back. the other guys all tell us their variations of ‘congratulations’ and ‘happy for you’ as we take a seat on the couch.

telling Jack’s family was the nerve-wracking announcement, but now Jack and i are back in New Jersey for training and we’ve decided to tell the team.

most of them were there for our wedding over the summer, but we opted to wait to tell them until a little later when the entire team could be together. besides, i know the other WAGS will want to throw me a baby shower, and our gender reveal is extremely soon.

“you ready?” Jack asks as we stop in front of the tunnel of the practice rink. the day just ended for them, but everyone is still out skating laps and talking with one another, making this the perfect opportunity for us to tell them all.

“yeah.” i shrug. “i’m not nearly as nervous for this as i was for telling your parents. besides, at least one person in there already knows.”

i point to Luke who stands on the ice watching us.

“you’re being weird!” i call out to him, causing a laugh to bubble up his throat.

Jack takes my hand, pulling me onto the ice. i shuffle behind him, not wearing skates.

“hey, y/n/n!” Nico cheers, grabbing my other hand to help me across the ice.

“hi neeks, thank you!”

“whatcha doing here?” Dawson asks.

“actually, we have an announcement to make.” i tell them, speaking just loud enough for all the guys to grow quiet, turning to look at Jack and i.

“oh Hughesy, don’t tell us you’re retiring already.” someone groans.

“what? i’m not even twenty-five, dude.” Jack scrunches his face in confusion, looking around the rink.

“no, no one’s retiring. or at least, not Jack.” i laugh. “i’m pregnant!”

it’s silent for barely two seconds before the entire practice rink erupts in cheers. the guys are quick to skate over, piling into a group hug around us as if we just scored a hat trick.

Jack’s hands grip my hips, making sure i stay upright on the ice.

“congratulations you two!” “congrats!” “happy for you guys!”

a chorus of different congratulations of every kind is thrown at us from all different directions.

“wow you really wasted no time during that honeymoon, huh?” Bratt jokes.

“actually, they wasted no time before that.” Luke pipes up. “they found out two weeks before the wedding.”

“and you waited until now to tell us?!”

#el!hughes au #ask faithlynn ✨#jack hughes x reader

383 notes · View notes

hacash · 1 year

Text

Ok, I’m gonna vent on this before the next episode and we get anything more confirmed, but the fandom’s approach to what I consider the ‘gay > bi/pan/queer issue’ is still leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

Bi/pan identity seems to be jumped on by fandom as a last resort. Sure, if we like a character and it’s canon that they’re attracted to people of the opposite gender, we’ll probably headcanon them as bi/pan because fandom wants its characters to be queer; but when canon dialogue indicates that a character is attracted to multiple genders, often that’s not enough. You need ‘real confirmation’, you need relationships and receipts and 100% solid proof. It’s like nonmonosexual identities are the last resort - sure, we’ll headcanon them as a way of making our faves LGBTQ, but only if we’re forced to, we don’t really want to. (Just look at Keeley and all the times people have said they wished she was ‘actually confirmed’ as queer, despite...everything.)

It’s the same as in real life, all the time people dismiss the identity of bi/pan folk - particularly those who a friend calls ‘non-practicing bisexuals’, and particularly bi men. So many bi men have said the overall message they get from both the straight and queer world is that they can be straight, or they can be gay, but those are the only two options available to them. And I struggle to think of more than a couple of bi/pan fictional male characters, because people just don’t believe that men can be nonmonosexual.

Which brings me to Trent and Colin. It’s only been confirmed onscreen that Colin fancies men and Trent appears to be queer-coded, but nothing else: they could be easily gay, bi, queer, or pan. Yet the overall decision from fandom seems to be that they have to be gay and couldn’t be anything else. I’ve seen posts mocking the idea that either Trent or Colin could be attracted to women, or that headcanoning either as bi or pan is a cop-out, as if being bi/pan would lessen a queer identity in any way. And that’s pretty shitty.

Just think: people like Ted and Jamie are headcanoned as bi, because we already know they’re attracted to women and that’s the easiest way to make them queer; but people like Colin and Trent aren’t because fandom has no ‘reason’ to. And once again, its as if bi/pan was a lesser flavour of queer - sure, we’ll take bi/pan characters, but only if we have to, only if it’s the only way to make our characters LGBTQ. Not for any other reason though.

Now, I do think that if labels are confirmed then neither Trent or Colin will end up being bi, pan, or distressingly ambiguously queer. Because those kind of male characters don’t appear much in mainstream media. And if they’re both gay that would be a great story to tell! But it’s a shame to see so many people in fandom indicate that they didn’t really want to see any other kind of story.

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #trent crimm: the independent #colin hughes #keeley jones #queer stuff #I want them all confirmed as bi/pan just because so many #people would clearly have an issue with it

212 notes · View notes

aetherarf · 3 years

Note

omg im love w your blog!!! 😭😭😭 (you won me the moment you said you like heavy angst bc i LOVE it. 👌🏻) can you write something angst with childe, zhongli, kaeya and diluc where the reader finds out shes pregnant and is happy and excited to tell her partner but he doesn't take it very well? as if the baby was going to spoil his plans or they were not comfortable with the idea. (and yes, please, you can exaggerate the sadness if you want)

> and as im a lover of sad and painful things, if you can skip a time later where the reader loses the baby and how they would react to it. (It's ok if you don't want it!! I'll love what you can give me!) anyways, have a nice day and be safe!! 🥺<3

Of course! However, I'm going to have it be AFAB!Reader, and using gender neutral language... not everyone who can get pregnant is a girl, you know? Plus gender neutral language can refer to anyone ever.

But ty for your kind words, and here you go <3!

[[ WARNING: ANGST, PREGNANCY, MISCARRIAGE, INJURY ]]

[[ Summary: You're pregnant! And you're so happy to be bringing a little bundle of joy into the world with your lover... but they aren't so happy. Worse still, it turns out that little bundle of joy never get to see the light of day, not even for a moment.

Total Word Count: 2'521

Childe Word Count: 680

Diluc Word Count: 809

Kaeya Word Count: 528

Zhongli Word Count: 504 ]]

Childe

When he had come home, there was a meal cooked, his favorite alcohol, and you were dolled up, dressed up to look perfect--He could tell you were preparing something. Seeing you standing there, back to him, he walked over and wrapped his arms around you, resting his head on your shoulder,

"So, what's the occasion? Or are you just so madly in love with me you have to spoil me?" He teased. You grabbed one of his hands, pulling it down to your stomach, leaning back a little bit into him--his eyes widened before you spoke, and you confirmed the whirlwind of thoughts in his mind-

"You're going to be a father."

In a fit of excitement, he scooped you up, holding you close and pressing kisses to your face, nuzzling up to you in excitement--"I'm gonna be a daddy!" He chirped, "Oh, oh, if it's a boy we're calling him lil Ajax, promise me he'll be my little Ajax Junior?" He asked, excited.

Through the night, the two of you had already been gushing out with countless ideas, about names, about the possibility of twins, more than a few crass jokes from Childe, until the two of you went to bed...

And when you were sound asleep in his arms... he was given a chance to think.

And it hit him.

He was not only making you more of a target to anyone who despised the Fatui, or himself personally... But...

Was he ready to be a dad?

He was gone all the time.

Was he... ready...?

His excitement turned to dread. Only after the initial shock, did he realize that... no, no, this was awful.

As quietly as he could, he sobbed into your shoulder, desperately trying to not wake you up. He was... terrified.

He had not known terror before, because this was not something he could kill and be done with.

Desperately, he tried to delude himself into thinking everything would be okay, to keep a smile on his face. When you called him out for his oddness, he confessed only a fraction of the truth, "I guess there's just.. a lot of feelings going on, you know?" He asked, the shrugged to himself. "I just need a little time before I'm settled with the idea."

He wasn't sure if he'd be okay with it at all. He felt like a child himself... Could he raise anything without destroying it? Even his own siblings... he stayed away just to keep them sane. He was nothing but a danger to them. He couldn't neglect his own child...

One day, he came home...and you weren't there. Probably just doing something on your own, he didn't really care, just sort of minding his own business, doing some cleaning since there was always something he could at least polish up when trying to burn time.

And there was a knock on the front door. He opened it, and there was a panicked Fatui messenger.

"Your-Your, uh, partner. They-They got into a bad fight, and they were... hospitalized."

Never had he run so fast in his life to find you. When he saw you, you were covered in bruises, black and blue, and a few bandaged cuts. He sat beside your bed, holding your hand, "... Talk to me," he pleaded, unable to hide his cracking voice.

"It's dead," you said, weakly. He shook his head, not understanding,

"What do you mean?"

"I'm... okay. But... Ajax," you whimpered, looking at him, having already cried every tear out of your body, "Our baby."

It hit him.

"I got hit in the stomach."

"Oh... Oh no, babe, love... nono..." He tried to hug you as best as he could without hurting you...

But... was it bad of him to be relieved? He knew this would happen... he knew you were in pain, but... he'd rather have an unborn infant he had never met die compared to a child he held and loved.

He'd still stay there with you, but he only wished he could fix it. Not everything could be killed with brute violence.

Diluc

"Diluc... I'm pregnant. You're going to be a father."

Diluc's face paled. The first thought that hit his head was his death, leaving you and your currently unborn child to suffer alone... or worse.

He couldn't be a father, he-he... He wasn't mean to be part of a family. He lost his father, his mother, Kaeya... Even the Knights, that at one point he could have called family, have left... Or he left them, knowing that he simply couldn't exist around them.

Your once ecstatic and happy face fell... Sure, the two of you only, idly, had spoken about the possibility of children... and you didn't mean to get pregnant, but you wanted a child.

It seems Diluc did not exactly share your feelings.

"I'm going to bed," he said, standing up suddenly, feeling like he was about to fall over.

"Is this news... really so horrible?" You asked, no small amount of pain... and he sighed.

"I... don't know how to deal with it. I need time to think."

You knew it was a big thing... you'd give him time. After all, in the end, Diluc was a good man. He did the best he could and took care of those he cared for, even if he didn't want a child, he would take care of them... and, of course, you.

The next day, he was no better, he looked at your sleeping form, your stomach, and from pure distress and terror, he had left to go to the bathroom, just to vomit pure acid, trying to hide how tears poured under the guise of being sick, of being in pain.

How could he be a father?

The next few weeks were tense, and his gaze would linger on your stomach...

By the end of the first month, he set his hand on your stomach... with a small, vulnerable smile.

"I'm excited," he finally said, rubbing your stomach that was barely any larger than normal... "I'm afraid, but... I'm excited for our baby."

You cried, and he did too, holding each other as you cried. Exciting, concerning... hopeful, there was so many emotions, but in the end, you slept happily.

Things would be okay. Diluc would make a family he couldn't lose.

Each month, Diluc would fuss more and more. He desperately tried to help when you were sick, from morning sickness, giving you massages when your body was aching from the new weight, the new life inside you.

Whenever he was sitting next to you, or lying beside you, especially as your stomach grew, he always had a hand on it. On the fifth month, when he felt the baby kick, he looked at you with a smile wider than you had ever seen before, excited like a young child getting its first toy.

He spent the next two hours pressing kisses to your rounded belly, whispering to the baby as though it could hear him.

By the sixth month, was when it happened. The two of you were talking, standing in the kitchen as you talked about what to make for dinner, and you felt it-Water flushing from you, soaking your clothes and making a mess on the floor. Diluc stared at you, shocked, and you felt the worst pain in your life--

"Diluc," You half collapsed in his arms, "I-I think I'm in labor," you said, with no small amount of horror.

It was supposed to be three months, but Diluc didn't question that, even if he was aware something very, very wrong. He brought you all the way to the Cathedral, and the Sisters, too, were in shock when you had told them. Moved to a back room, away from prying eyes, Diluc didn't let go of your hand as you tried to push...

For hours, you sat there, tears in your eyes, "Diluc," you sobbed, weakly, "I'm so tired."

"You can do it," he reassured, "I promise you, you can do it."

Finally, the baby was out. However, the sisters had taken the baby somewhere, you and Diluc sitting there, you exhausted, and Diluc terrified. Finally... Barbara walked in, tears in her eyes.

"... Your baby is dead." She said, "I'm sorry for your loss. Would you-Would you like to see them, or..."

You only began to cry, weakly.

"No," Diluc said, not wanting to look at the corpse of the child he failed to father, "But... can the Sisters arrange a burial?" He asked, trying to stop himself from losing it. Barbara nodded.

"Of course," She said, "I will leave you two be." She walked off, leaving the room as she tried not to cry for your loss.

He held you, and you both sobbed.

Once again, the Family that Diluc could never have, one he fought for with tooth and nail, was taken from him again.

At least he still had you.

Kaeya

"Fucking paperwork," he grumbled, detesting how everything had an absurd about of work to do. No wonder they were always overworked...

He'd rather be, who knows, hunting some monsters or getting some time off, sitting in the Angel's Share with you on his lap...

Huh.

That sounded really nice right about now.

Just as he returned to his work, ceasing to think of you, you knocked on his office door and practically burst right in, an excited look on your face.

"Oh, what's got you so happy?" He asked, leaning back in his seat and he grinned, watching you walked around his desk, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I have some news~" You said, in a singsongy voice, and he tugged on your hips, pulling you onto his lap. "So, tell me, don't make me wait with baited breath, I'll probably suffocate," He teased, sweetly.

You tugged him close, speaking in a low whisper right into his ear-- "I'm pregnant."

He was glad you weren't looking at his face, with the horror on his face. He was able to put on a mask of excitement, as fake as it felt, when you leaned back, looking at his expression, and he held you close, pressing his lips to yours.

"I'd say let's go celebrate, but I guess you can't have wine anymore."

You huffed, "We can celebrate in a different way."

In the end, the two of you went to the Angel's Share, the two of you deciding to keep it a secret for a little longer.

That night, while you cuddled up to him, he lie in bed, unable to close his eye, staring blankly...

Terrified.

As time passed, you had hit halfway through your second month. Kaeya still insisted that you keep it a secret-- "It's more fun if some people have a suspicious feeling, and then it's so exciting when you do tell them."

He was just too afraid to tell the world thus far. You had mostly agreed, but you were excited... you wanted to tell.

"I want to talk about this more," you admitted, "But I need to get a check-up for our little baby," you patted your tummy gently, and he pressed a kiss to your temple,

"Alright," he dreaded that conversation, "You go be safe."

"I will."

He sat silently, on the bed, blankly staring forth. What was he supposed to do...? To even think?

He was so scared.

He was able to hear you before he saw you, hear the sounds of your sobbing, and as he turned to see you, you jumped into his arms, openly crying. Somehow--he could tell your stomach was... smaller. If only a little.

"You were right to not tell anyone," you whimpered, weakly. He gently rubbed your back,

"What do you mean?" He asked, softly.

"I... I had a miscarriage."

He felt elated, but also so, so terribly guilty.

But he knew, with everything... It was for the best.

"I'm so sorry," he said, softly, holding you close, "Tell me--what can I do to make this better?"

"I don't know, I don't know," you sobbed, broken and weak.

For now, he'd just hold you.

Zhongli

With a wide smile and bright eyes, you told him: "I'm pregnant!"

Zhongli gasped in surprise, for a brief second, he was only pleased, his hands almost touching your stomach... then he recoiled, pulling back, hesitant... And he looked down and away.

"... Love," he said softly, "You are aware I am still an adeptus." He said, gently. You didn't understand,

"Of course, but... there's Ganyu, and Yanfei, they're both half-adeptus, half-human... Isn't this fine?"

He was quiet for a moment, sighing. "Yanfei's and Ganyu's adeptus parents were mammals. I... Was not-You understand, I was one a dragon of the earth, correct?" He asked,

"Of course, I wouldn't forget anything like that."

"Normal half-adeptus children already have problems, but one who is a dragon..."

He looked away, thinking.

"Are you sure you're not just afraid? It's okay to be afraid." You reassured, reaching out and holding his hand.

He was not afraid.

He was simply certain. The idea-The idea of having a child, a little bounding bundle of joy that would giggle as he tickled them, seeing their beautiful, adorable little smile that held features of you and himself...

How idealistic. But he had endured tragedy before, and he will endure it again.

This will only be another agony. If, perhaps, he was in his original mating season, having gone through it delicately how it was meant to, rather than pure chance and accident... Then there was hope.

He pressed a kiss to the back of your hand.

"Perhaps I am."

The days passed, and he would admit, he was shocked to see that your menstruation cycle had stopped--oh, period. People called it periods more commonly. Good to know.

And your stomach grew, you demanded him to touch your stomach, of which he would not argue, listening to your hopeful words.

You felt a pain in your stomach--naturally, you would be in pain.

You had left to go get it checked, to see why there would be pain, and what issue there would be for your child.

Alone, he curled up in bed and sobbed, unable to save you from this tragedy, sobbing pathetically in desperation, where no one, not, even you, could see his pain.

You did not come back that day, but you returned the second, pale and sickly, with bandages around your stomach. You collapsed into your arm,

"They... they had to do an emergency surgery," you wept weakly, too exhausted to sob, "It was... dead... and hurting-killing me."

He nodded. He knew this.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, softly, "I'm sorry, love."

"I just... I just want a family... Something to call my own."

Zhongli was quiet for a moment. Both of you had time before his original cycle would come in line...

Maybe-maybe, through an odd union of human and dragon, you could give him this family. But it would be a long, long conversation, and you would need to wait well beyond your wounds.

Oh, but your pain... how could he endure.

He would have to find a way.

577 notes · View notes

ye0ncore · 3 years

Text

it’ll always be you - yang jungwon

hello loves! i’ve really been missing writing so here i am trying to get more fics up for you guys. i have school, work and a sport to juggle so updates may be a lil slow but just bear with me lol. also, this fic took way too long to get together, my tumblr is fucking high. anyways, love you guys <33

>> pairing: jungwon x female reader

>> synopsis: you and jungwon have always been best friends. and that’s all you saw each other as. or so you thought. that was until you got an outside perspective.

>> rating and genre: pg, fluff

>> warnings: kissing scene, a few curse words,

>> word count: 1834

“so y/n, is there any special boy in your life right now,” your new friend daeji asked, a mischievous smile on her face. you giggled and shook your head at the question, the smile staying on your face. you had only met daeji a few days ago but you already loved her. she was a transfer student from another district and the both of you had gotten very close, very quickly.

both of you are still in the process of getting to know each other, hence why the question was asked in the first place. “what?! how is there not, i’ve never seen anyone as pretty as you. is there anyone you’re into, though,” she continued, making you smile once more at her kindness.

“no there’s not,” you confirmed, making her slump in her seat. you laughed once more, and as if on cue, jungwon walked up. daeji perked up at someone of the opposite gender walking up to you, a small smirk on her face. you had mentioned jungwon once, but only as a close friend. she had never actually met him, and she was not disappointed. you’re pretty, he’s pretty so why weren’t you dating?

“hey y/n,” he said, his eyes bright and his smile wide. you greeted him back and motioned for him to sit down, which he immediately did. he set his backpack down and his eyes landed on daeji. “who’s this, y/n?”

“oh, jungwon, this is daeji. she’s a transfer student and one of my new friends. daeji, this is jungwon, my closest friend at this school,” you said with a smile, it widening when you turned to jungwon. daeji smiled and waved, and glanced at you, noticing how close you and jungwon were sitting. ‘there’s no way they aren’t dating,’ she thought.

the three of you sat there for a while, speaking about anything that came to your heads. that was until jungwon had to go and meet up with jay. apparently they were partners for a project and needed to work on it. “alright, it was really nice to meet you, daeji. bye y/n,” he said, leaning down to give you a hug. you two hugged the same way you always did, your arms around his neck, his arms wrapping around your waist. he gave you a small smile before rushing off to find jay, leaving daeji awestruck.

you looked at her and laughed at the shocked look on her face. “what,” you asked, still giggling.

she looked at you like you were insane. “y/n who the fuck is that, and why aren’t you dating him?” now it was your turn to give her a weird look.

“jungwon? no no we’re not like that. he’s my best friend,” you assured her, but she clearly didn’t believe you. which was understandable.

“best friend my ass, y/n. you’re in love with each other and i can see it! the way you looked at each other… holy shit i’ve only ever seen that in movies.” did he really look at you like that? “and you look at him the same way! a few other guys have come up and talked to you within the past few days and you didn’t look at them anywhere near the same way you looked at jungwon.”

“i told you daeji, he’s my best friend. we’re not like that,” you said once more, but that doesn’t mean the thought didn’t creep into your brain. all she did was laugh and call you crazy once more, saying her final goodbyes to you for the day. you made your way home and you couldn’t help the fact that what daeji said was stuck in your head.

she had a point. you and jungwon were always close. you had been best friends since you were little, so he always had a special place in your heart. did jungwon really look at you the way she said he did? and did you look at him the same? you tried to shake off the thought. there’s no way it would work. but you still felt that little bit of hope.

the next day at school, you met up with jungwon like you always did. every morning, without fail, you and him always met up by your car so you could walk into the school together. when he walked up to you, you took notice of the way he looked. really took notice. he was wearing a black and white striped sweater, and black sweatpants, his hair a perfect mess atop his head. your breath got caught in your throat. he looked amazing. how have you never noticed this before?

oh who are you kidding. of course you noticed. you always noticed, you just never wanted to admit it. he walked up to you, a big smile on his face. you greeted each other the same way you always did, a hug and a small ‘hello.’ except, this hug was different. you hugged the same type of way, but it just felt different. he lightly squeezed you, making you laugh and the only thing going through your head was how badly you didn’t want to let go.

unfortunately, he did let go, and led the both of you into the school. you two walked in with huge smiles on your faces, daeji giving you two a smirk when she saw you. you walked up to daeji, jungwon glued to your side, daeji immediately taking notice. ‘the only people who don’t know how they feel about each other is each other, this is just sad,’ was exactly what was going through daeji’s head.

so when the first bell rang and you went off to your class, hugging jungwon goodbye, she decided she needed to do something. after you walked off, jungwon continued to watch you for a moment, not turning back until daeji pretended to clear her throat. after she did, he whipped his head back to her, acting like nothing had happened. all she did was give him a knowing look, and he visibly deflated. “why are you looking at me like that,” he asked, still playing dumb.

daeji simply scoffed. “you like her.” jungwon froze in his spot, immediately tried to deny it. “don’t even try to give me the whole ‘she’s my best friend’ thing, i hear it enough from her when she tries to deny her feelings for you.” jungwon’s heart dropped to the floor, as did his jaw. did he hear her right?

“i’m sorry, one more time. what???” daeji laughed at his reaction.

“you both are so oblivious. everyone can see the feelings you both have for each other, except the two of you,” she explained, jungwon still looking like a deer in headlights. he simply couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

daeji was right. jungwon had developed feelings for you a very long time ago. he had seen you at your best, when you turned 16 and got your drivers license. and he had seen you at your worst, when your first boyfriend broke your heart. he stuck with you through all of it because he loved you and he never wanted to be without you. did you really feel the same?

“go find her, jungwon. i’m tired of seeing the both of you pine after each other. even if i’ve only known you for a day.” jungwon only nodded, running in the direction you left in, frantically searching around to find you. then he remembered exactly where you would be. the art room. that was the class you had just gone too, and he knew the teacher. they were cool with each other and you and the teacher were also very close.

he rushed to the art room as fast as his feet would carry him, the only thing on his mind being you. when he finally arrived he pulled the door open and his eyes immediately locked with yours. you smiled softly at the sight of him, stopped what you were doing and walked up to him. “hey. what are you doing here, aren’t you supposed to be in chemistry,” you asked, your tone soft and playful.

“uh….yeah i am supposed to be in chemistry… mrs. fleming might kill me, but there’s something i need to tell you, and i don’t know how much longer i was going to be able to wait,” he explained, his nerves building every second. you simply nodded, grabbed his hand and pulled you into the empty hallway. the small touch sent waves of electricity through you, bringing a wide smile to the both of your faces. if only you two knew what was about to go down.

“alright, here goes nothing. i was just talking to daeji and she called me out for staring at you…” his tone was soft and comforting, calming your nerves immediately. but as soon as the words left his mouth about daeji, you knew she had said something.

‘great, now he knows. he’s just gonna tell me he doesn’t see me like that. oh god let’s just get the rejection over with,’ was the only thing spinning through your mind. your mind didn’t even process that he said he got caught staring at you.

he seemed to notice your hesitation, but he knew he had to get this out in the open. “y/n i know this may be overwhelming and a lot to take in but i really need you to know how i feel.” he took a deep breath, and relaxed when you took his hand in yours.

“you can tell me anything, jungwon.” your calming voice was enough to give him the confidence to finally get the words out.

“alright so… y/n i really really really fucking like you. you’ve been there for me through absolutely everything and you’re genuinely the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen. you make me so damn happy and i’m so thankful to have you in my life. whether that’s you as my friend or something more. i just wanted -”

you cut off his rambling by pressing your lips against his. you supposed he wasn’t expecting it because it took him a second to respond, but eventually he was kissing you back. one hand found it’s way to your waist and the other cupped your cheek. both of your arms were wrapped around his neck, pulling the both of you closer to one another. the kiss was soft and passionate, making it clear the both of you had been wanting this for a while.

when you finally pulled away, both of you were breathing heavier, but there were wide smiles on your faces. his hands stayed on your waist as he pulled you into a hug, you nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. “the feeling is mutual, jungwon.” you felt like you could hear him smile, him pulling you even closer if that even possible. “it’s always been you. it’ll always be you.”

218 notes · View notes

choicesenthusiast · 3 years

Text

Representation at Pixelberry: The Follow-Up

One year ago, on June 15, 2020, Pixelberry released a statement regarding representation at the company. Here is the LINK to the original blog post, and here was MY RESPONSE. Oh, how naïve and optimistic I was. It contained a list of goals and promises they hoped to accomplish within a year. Well, a year has passed, and here is my attempt to hold PB accountable. I'll be going over the five main points of their representation plan and if they achieved what they promised. All criticisms are about content released after June 15th. Long post beware, but I'm not putting it under a read more because I feel like it's important for all to see.

1. Commitment to diversity of Love Interests - FAIL

We’ve already been moving towards having Love Interests have customizable skin tones. We will continue to do this with some stories, while also having some characters with clear ethnic identities. At the same time when we have multiple love interests of different ethnicities, we are aiming for those Love Interests to have equal game time.

"LIs with customizable skin tones" mean they come in three flavours: white, black, and ambiguously Asian/Latinx interchangeably. So far I have rarely seen an LI as connected to their culture/ethnicity as Rafael Aveiro, and he just talked about his Vovo's food if he ever were on screen. They had many chances with the other OH LIs as well. Even Ayna Seth and Tatum Mendoza were confirmed to be Indian and Filipino, respectively, though FA gets a little leeway, as it was set in a fictional west-European continent.

As for equal game time? I'm sure the biggest example we can all think of was the mess that was Open Heart 3, which was written during the hiatus (which only existed because they were going to straight up kill Rafael in Book 2). Game time was not equal among LIs, and the white male LI was heavily favoured. PB also continues to pay female LIs dirt by giving them no screen time. In addition to that, LGBT+ players, who are consistently underrepresented, receive one (1) unprepared pride month survey, prpbably only because someone asked them about it on Twitter.

This is the meat and potatoes of everything because it's what they're outputting to their audience. It's what the people see. Given that things haven't been going so well lately in this department, consider this promise a big fat fail.

2. More authentic and diverse hairstyles for people of color - QUESTIONABLE

Our team will focus on providing more authentic and representative hairstyles. We are prioritizing these hairstyles outside of our normal book processes and will introduce them in new books as they are ready.

While, yes, they have added two new hairstyles in WEH, they also just took Jade Bonet's hair and recycled it for LoA F!MC. PB recycles all their hair more often than not.

3. More diverse book covers - QUESTIONABLE

This is an initiative we started in January of this year. As a result the number of Black, Latinx, Asian, Native American, Pacific Islander, mixed, and other characters on new book covers increased from 35% of characters in 2019 to 60% characters in the first half of 2020. However, the number of black characters is still not high enough this year. More are already scheduled for books later this year. We will make sure that Black characters are well represented on our covers in the future.

"Diverse" does not just mean by race, but also gender, sexual orientation, etc. FA has the only recent MLM cover. And don't tell me that the FA and LoA covers are any different from each other. The only black characters on covers are Zoey Wade (QB), and Black!Gabe Ricci (LoA) and Bastien (WB), which aren't even their canon races unless you choose them to be. This is the case for many single-LI books, such as Cassian Keane (W:ABR, which technically premiered on Mar. 16, but the sentiment is the same), Sam Dalton (TNA), and Dakota Winchester (WEH). Not to mention the customizable/multi LI books like DS, RT, BaBu2, MTFL, etc. Majority of these covers are just cishet couples delicately cradling each other's bodies or whatever. And we're not even gonna get into how PB literally put the Open Heart LIs in order of their favouritism on Book 3's cover.

4. Writers/Staff - QUESTIONABLE

We will be engaging in professional training on historical and current racism for our writers to ensure more of them have a better understanding and more context for views of diverse characters in Choices. We will also create a program that gives more authority to people of color in the studio to advise writers and artists on more authentic portrayals in both writing and art of black, brown, and minority characters.

A story with a Black-led cast is something I have asked for in the past, but failed to follow-up on. We will very likely start this with a Black-led cast story led by Chelsa, one of Pixelberry's Black writers.

We will increase the number of diverse writers we source for new stories, starting with hiring more Black and Latinx writers to lead the charge.

For all teams at Pixelberry we will actively work to bring in more Black and Latinx candidates with the goal to increase the number of Black and Latinx employees at Pixelberry. Although Pixelberry is over 50% female, on teams where females are not at 50% we will actively work to source more female candidates.

This promise seemed like a copout from the start because we have no way of knowing who works on what at PB unless we very meticulously stalk their LinkedIn or Twitter or whatever. We have no solid statistics except for what they feed us. I do know, however, that they recently let the Ms. Match writers go and were hiring for external writers, but there really is no way of knowing what's going on behind-the-scenes with their 112+ employees, and of course there would be NDAs involved. We are yet to see a book with an all-Black cast, and receive rare development updates with new books. Actually, I think a really good way to promote diversity is to do staff showcases on their social media. Just a way to show the public who's responsible for what. Writers, game devs, the art team, etc. Don't think it'll happen, but it's always a good idea.

5. Donations - QUESTIONABLE

Pixelberry will also be making $100,000 in donations to Black Girls Code, the Black Writers Collective, and the Latinx Writers Collective at Techqueria. Rather than as a lump sum, we will be making these donations over the course of a year to remind us that we are not making short term changes, but are committed to long term sustainable actions. We’ll also be donating up to an additional $100k from profits for this week, 6/15-6/21.

There has been no proof, no receipts, no evidence from PB that they have donated anything to anyone, and as far as we're concerned, their word doesn't mean anything. No news or updates news about it. I would love to believe that they did something, but as you can see, I've become quite the pessimist. BWC still uses PB's old logo (like, pre-Choices) on their sponsors page, and the last interaction they've had with BGC was in 2013. They don't even follow each other on Instagram. In fact, BGC received a huge donation from MacKenzie Scott, formerly Bezos last July. Yes, that billionaire Bezos, and that got coverage from them. Obviously donations don't need to be for publicity, but in this case I think it's important there should be proof. Again, it's really hard to tell with these behind-the-scenes things, but given how PB loves to gloat and hates to keep promises, we can assume that none of this happened.

~~~

So, what's the takeaway? That PB's fallen down the drainhole of shitty content and empty promises and has no intention of climbing out as long as they still make that bank? Seems counterproductive, because good representation gets good feedback and income. They pump out bad books with barebones "representation" if you can call it that, then drop their precious merch and pretend all is fine and dandy. But just as I suspected one year ago, none of this matters, because people forget things, and people move on, and shit gets swept under rugs. Yet, here I am, yelling at a company in a post I for sure doubt they'll see. Because if not me, then who?

@playchoices Your move. It's been your move for a year now. When will you actually make it?

#playchoices #choices stories you play

167 notes · View notes

thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Not Alone

Valkyrae (Rae) x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Mention of death of a pet, Grieving

Genre: Fluff, Comfort, Angst

Summary: When Y/N doesn’t join the scheduled stream of Among Us with some cheap reasoning that everyone else falls for, Rae is far from convinced. She goes on to check the situation on her own just for her suspicions and worries to be confirmed further - something is off about Y/N and Rae is nothing if not determined to find out what.

Requested by @alex3atsbugs Hello dear, consider this my farewell to the adorable little Marceline, I hope the cutie is looking down at us from heaven right now. Marceline, I might not have known you but I miss and love you regardless. You have a special place in our hearts and you will never be forgotten. All my love, Vy ❤

“Ok so we’re only waiting on Lily now, right?“ Sykkuno asks, adjusting his earbuds as he scans over the settings for the game since he was the one to create the lobby which is now almost complete - lacking one more astronaut before the game can start.

Rae, who’s been scrolling through Instagram, looking at fanart and edits, snaps her head up to look at her computer monitor with confusion written all over her features, her brows furrowed, “Wait, what about Y/N? Aren’t they coming?”

This sudden change has surprised Rae more than someone would consider reasonable. But, in her eyes, it’s perfectly reasonable and justifiable considering Y/N has never skipped a stream nor have they ever not reported to her even for the tiniest of things such as running late. Even if they are not joining today, which is a huge oddity in and of itself, they would’ve definitely told Rae about it.

“Oh, no they won’t be joining us today. They said they were experiencing some technical troubles.” Sykkuno replies nonchalantly which aggravates Rae a tiny bit. She cannot comprehend how no one else is seeing anything odd here. Maybe it has something to do with how attentive she is when it comes to Y/N - she’s not sure why, but she is - or maybe it’s just a gut instinct but regardless, she can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. Not to mention that in all their years of streaming together on Twitch and now on YouTube never has Y/N dealt with technical difficulties that led to them not being able to stream.

Y/N is the type of organized person that is constantly on top of things. They’d never let a technical difficulty get between them and providing their fans with entertainment. Chances are, if there really was an issue, it would’ve been fixed by now and even if it wasn’t...

Y/N would’ve let me know they wouldn’t be joining, Rae’s mind screams, almost altering her calm facial expression.

“Hey can you give me about five minutes? My router’s acting up, I’ll restart it.“ Rae blurts out without as much as a second thought. Her thoughts are elsewhere right now, she’s got more important things to worry about. Luckily, her ability of rational thinking pushes through to the surface even without her guidance.

She mutes her in-game and stream mics, takes her phone and rises from her chair, giving the camera what she hopes is a more apologetic rather than distressed smile before walking off-frame. Once out of view, she dials Y/N’s number, tapping her foot anxiously as she waits for her call to be picked up.

“Hello?“ When it does get answered, she’s met with a sniff before the weak voice utters the hesitant greeting word.

“Hey Y/N! What’s up?“ Rae tried to balance her question between a ‘what’s up?‘ in the ‘what’s wrong?‘ sense and the usual cheerful greeting she uses it as. She doesn’t want to end up seeming paranoid.

“Oh, hey, Rae. Nothing much. Aren’t you supposed to be streaming right now?“ Y/N’s tone raises a bit as they try to apply a bit more energy and enthusiasm into their words, presumably to erase any suspicion that sniffle might’ve caused in their friend who appears to have a sixth sense for when things are up with the people they care about. Or with Y/N specifically.

“Um...“ Rae spares the stream set-up a skeptical look, buying herself time to think of an excuse to partner her negation. She doesn’t want to lie to Y/N but she’s aware that they’ll be quick to ditch the conversation and postpone it if she admits to indeed be streaming. “Um, no, not yet. We scheduled it a bit later. Will you be joining us?“

“Uh, no, sorry, I won’t be able to. I’m sick and feeling like absolute crap so...“

Rae automatically stops listening, not on purpose, she just can’t hear Y/N’s voice over the alarms going off in her head, screaming at here that there’s something SERIOUSLY wrong. The stories not adding up - neither of them making sense to begin with - the lack of any authentic energy in Y/N’s voice, that sniffle she heard at the start of the call. It’s all so scarily wrong that it sends Rae one second away from entering full panic mode.

“I thought you were having technical difficulties.“ She blurts out without any thought of it’d make Y/N feel or how it would change the course of the conversation.

Y/N inhales sharply as if caught completely off-guard and backed up into a corner, “Oh, yeah, that too. My computer keeps crashing.” Being backed up into a figurative corner doesn’t stop them from trying to further pursue this lie they’ve come up with. A lie so blatant and obvious there’s really no point in them trying to keep it going. Yet they choose to do exactly that.

“Y/N, you’re BSing me, you should know better than that!“ Rae whines almost desperately, “Please, tell me what’s going on? We’re friends, I don’t deserve to be kept in the dark, Y/N!“

There’s silence on the other end, loud silence that almost sends Rae into a breakdown. Some may consider it an overreaction, but let me ask you - wouldn’t you be upset and worried if someone you immensely care about was acting oddly and completely out of character.

“You’re going to think it’s ridiculous.“ Y/N’s voice cracks, letting it be known, clear as day, that they are barely balancing on the edge between keeping it together and crying.

“Of course I won’t, baby! I would never! Talk to me.“ Rae pursues, her heart breaking a little at the sound of her friend’s sadness. It’s taking a really big toll on her, not being able to hold Y/N in her arms instead of trying to gauge out their answers over the phone which is proving to be not at all effective or helpful to either of them.

Y/N sniffles again, “My hamster, Marcy...” She inhales to prevent a sob from escaping her lungs, “...died this morning.”

Rae has heard enough to be sent into action.

* * *

“Thank you so much, Rae. I would’ve probably stayed in bed all day with no effort to keep living whatsoever. You’re an amazing person, I hope you know that.“ Y/N gives the hand of Rae’s that’s holding hers a small squeeze, “I’m so lucky to have you.“

The two friends have been sitting on the couch in Y/N’s living room, the atmosphere a mix of melancholy and comfort. The comfort Rae’s been offering Y/N for the past hour or so has been almost entirely silent, in the form of physical affection, to be exact - hugs, soothing backrubs, gentle abstract patterns drawn on their arm, playing with their hair etc. Needless to say, it’s been far more effective than the attempt of calming them down and helping them out over a phone call.

“Don’t ever thank me for being your friend, Y/N. The honor’s all mine“ Rae rubs Y/N’s shoulder reassuringly, resting her head against theirs.

“Rae, you ditched a whole damn stream for me! Of course I’m gonna thank you! Who else would do that for me?“ Y/N protests, their glossy eyes looking up at Rea, lit up by the small smile that has managed to make its way onto their face.

“Only someone utterly stupid and heartless WOULDN’T do that for you.“ Rae says firmly, holding stern eye-contact with her friend.

Y/N looks away almost shyly, smile growing wider, their cheeks becoming rosier. “You have a way with words, you know...” They bite their lip nervously, “Could you help me express my emotions in the post I’ve been planning to make all day? My fans loved Marcy and I’m sure they’ll be as crushed as I am, I just want to appear strong so they don’t worry about me, you know?” They shrug their shoulders hesitantly as another tear escapes their eye.

Rae carefully and gently wipes their tear away with her knuckles, “Of course, Y/N. You don’t have to do this alone - you don’t have to do ANYTHING alone. Because you are never alone - you’ll always have me.”

Something about what Rae just said and the way she said it has struck a nerve in Y/N that has provoked a few more tears to spill out of their eyes as they somehow manage to whisper a: “Thank you” before throwing their arms around Rae, enveloping her entirely in the warmest of embraces.

Meanwhile....

“Yo guys, how long does it take for a router to be reset?“ Sykkuno asks his fellow ghostie buds out of the blue.

“Less than five minutes. Why?“ Lily replies.

“Cause Rae said she’d reset her router and be back but she’s been gone for two hours so....“

168 notes · View notes

tamagochiie · 3 years

Text

pairing: timeskip!kenma x fem!reader synopsis: You come home late from your cousin’s funeral, and though Kenma didn’t expect much from you but perhaps a few leftovers you’ve managed to steal away from the dinner, he finds you with a surprise: a sleeping child cradled around your neck and a teenage boy hovering behind you. Your poor boyfriend wondering what in the hell it is you’re plotting… tags: angst and fluff, time skip!, slight spoilers if you squint warnings: mentions of death, mentions of depression, cursing, mentioned homophobia w/c: 3.6k

tagging list: @angrylittleriri @chims-kookies @gooseyhouse @kiyokoscunchie @unhappyraspberry @elianetsantana

a/n: welcome to the THIRD chapter of the fic! i hope you’re all doing well since i’ve last posted. I genuinely apologize for the delay! a few personal things kinda popped up, and it kinda derailed the process of posting this fic, but at least we’re here now! this is a bit longer compared to the other chapters, but i hope you all enjoy! please ignore any grammar mistakes, i proof read this to the best of my ability and it’s currently 5 in the morning :’)

see you all next week for the final chapter. p.s. I do have a smol surprise, so stay tuned for next week!

back to master list

<< life as she’s known it | life as they’ll know it >>

Kenma had always been aware of the common misconception people had of him, and the lack of interest they had to confirm it: that he had the inability to express his thoughts and feelings let alone identify it.

In a way, he did find it rather difficult to open up. Being bullied as a child silenced him into the dreading assumption that anyone who was kind to him or showed any interest in him were only doing so just to mess with him.

It took Kuroo quite a lot when he first met Kenma. He bent his little body over and under, jumping through hoops like a show pony just to get Kenma to even blink his way. And though all that effort strained him, he wouldn’t hesitate to tell you he’d do it all again if he could.

But it wasn’t a question of whether or not Kenma could identify what he was feeling and thoroughly express it. He had the right words, all of which were hanging off the tip of his tongue. He just didn’t know how to say it without sounding insensitive or heartless.

So as he stares at Yuki twirling in a dress you found digging through one of your old childhood clothes, his lips run dry. His words tuck behind the swell of his heart because though Yuki does indeed look like the cutest child he’s ever seen, his thoughts are full of concern, worried about what people say to a little boy showing up in a jean overall dress with purple and yellow flowers embroidered at the hem.

His eyes gape onto the sight before him, flickering over to Eiji when he hears him clear his throat. He seems just as troubled, quieter than usual while he watches over his brother. Not a single trace of amusement is seen in Eiji’s face. He doesn’t seem happy at all, and it phases Kenma; he’s usually stoic if not smiling in the presence of Yuki.

Yuki continues to giggle himself, gripping onto the material of his dress to have it flow in the air. He looks up to meet your eyes, oblivious to the two boys muddled in their own distress.

“I’m sorry, Yuki-chan,” You huff, smiling down to the little boy running circles in the middle of the living room. “If I had known the preschool was gonna accept you so soon, I would’ve brought you to the mall...But this should be fine for now, right? Is this okay with you, Yuki-chan?”

Yuki disregards your apology, holding up your old frog raincoat as he beams at his “new” found clothes.

“Plus, these don’t look so old, and it doesn’t look too girly, don’t you think?” You turn to Kenma who spares you nothing more than a nod. You follow his gaze and find it etched into the embroidered hem.

It doesn’t pass off as boy clothes, he thinks, letting your words breeze past him.

Kenma isn’t shy with breaking gender norms; he’s worn a few skirts and dresses himself, all that are still sitting in his closet to be worn again. His qualms aren’t with Yuki wearing a dress, but the treatment he’s expected to get when he shows up to his first day of school. He’ll be bullied into the same silence Kenma faced, and he’ll amount to nothing more than rubble beneath their judgement.

They say times are changing, so the people must be too, right? But there’s a persistent constricting feeling building up in his chest as if it comes as a warning sign. And the fact that Eiji looks just as uneasy as himself hints that maybe Yuki should change out of something less...worrisome.

“Mmm, Yuki,” Kenma clears his throat, trying to subside the build up of his uneasiness, “maybe you should wear something else…?” Yuki’s smile falters at his words as confusion colors away his joy. “I think you should wear the pants with the little frog shirt you picked out instead.”

He doesn’t mean for his words to come out bitter and cold, and the momentum of his panic leaves a lump in his throat he isn’t too sure he’ll be able to swallow if he keeps his silence.

Yuki looks up to him, blinking away at his words with glistening eyes. “I don’t look pretty?” Yuki’s voice comes out small--smaller than his fingers and toes. Smaller than his ability to comprehend where Kenma’s truly coming from. “You don’t like it, Kenma-san..?”

Oh no, he thinks to himself. Panic rises from his stomach and climbs up to his chest; a tightness in his throat soon follows when Yuki begins to blubber, telling him how mean he’s being. I didn’t mean to make him--

“Kozume.” You chide, looking at him quizzically. He meets your eyes and he instantly freezes up, thinking you, too, have come to misunderstand him. “What are you doing? Do something.”

But he can’t. If he opens his mouth, he’ll only sound meaner than before, and he’d rather not add any more confusion or any more pain to the little boy.

“Say something,” You push, glaring at him. “Kozume.”

His throat goes dry as well as his lips, and when he finally does gain enough courage, Eiji takes a step forward beating him to the punch. “Yuki, I think it’s better you just wear pants. Dresses are for girls, and you shouldn’t be wearing this kind of stuff.”

Your eyes widen and so does Kenma’s. Eiji’s is stern and clear in contrast to all the other times he’s spoken since he’s arrived. You watch as he kneels to meet Yuki’s eyes, placing a hand on his shoulder before running it up to his cheek to wipe away his tears.

“There might be some problems if you wear a dress to school, Yuki-chan. And didn’t we promise each other we wouldn’t cause them any trouble for Oba-san and Kenma-san while we’re here?” Eiji’s voice is a lot soft, yet his words are still firm. Yuki quietly submits to his brother, hanging his head low as he continues to cry.

You stand there both stunned.

You want to speak up, but you’re still unsure of your place; who you are and what you can say. So you stand there with Kenma tightlipped at your side with tension hanging above your heads, watching as Yuki quietly sniffles to himself as he hugs the pile of clothes he’s picked and carries it into their shared bedroom.

Needless to say, everyone goes to bed tucked beneath the covers of their guilt.

❁ ❁ ❁

Quiet mornings with a steaming cup at hand while treading lightly through the endless sea of emails in his iPad brought Kenma an odd sense of peace, and he looked forward to it every morning. But much to Kenma’s dismay, the apartment is too quiet and the coffee bitter; the chill in the atmosphere is unsettling as he falls into deep thought.

He thinks back to the events of last night; Yuki’s crying face, your contorted look of confusion, and Eiji’s words. It all comes pouring down on him like a bucket of cold water.

Not even his coffee can spare him from the chill down his spine.

He mentally kicks himself, thinking of all the other ways he could’ve said it better. How he could’ve prevented him from breaking Yuki’s little heart and avoided your cold shoulder as you left in a hurry to take the kids to their schools.

Kenma sucks in a breath as the stinging spreads across his chest. The weight of his cup grows heavy and he shifts his grip to a more comfortable hold. Nothing about the morning is comforting, and it leaves Kenma in distress, the feeling spilling into his work as he continues about his day.

He can barely read a single line of an email let alone write one; his senses aren’t as sharp as he struggles to smoothen his hand-eye coordination during gaming; and he catches himself zoning out in the middle of his online meetings, barely humming responses to questions he pretends to hear.

Kenma wonders how Yuki’s doing, and what he could do to apologize and gain his trust back. Maybe he’ll get some strawberry milk on the way to fetch him, or buy the little duck umbrella he caught him eyeing at the convenience store.

Kenma isn’t good with words if one were to ask him to be gentle and kind. He’s blunt and straight to the point, and it took him more than just a while to get used to softening the blow of his words and how he delivers them.

And now, as he muddles in his misery does he ingrain those habits deeper into thought until it becomes muscle memory to his lips.

He’s only then pulled from his squabbles when the doorbells rings throughout the apartment. His feet drag him to the door as his mutters in his resentment. What in the hell could be here--

“You’re shitting me.” Kenma grimaces at the sight of the cheeky grin plastered across his best friend’s face as he opens the door; his hair tousled to the side and his usual business attire unkempt. “What the hell do you want?”

Kuroo pouts, pretending to be wounded by the bitter greeting as he holds a hand to his heart. “Is that how you greet an old friend?”

“Not now, Kuroo-san.” Despite the bite in his words and his half-hearted attempt to shut the door, Kuroo welcomes himself in, kicking his shoes to the side before trailing behind him.

“I miss your calls,” Kuroo teases, eyes wandering about the apartment, “you don’t even text me back anymore.”

“I don’t have the time.” Kenma grits as he pinches the bridge of his nose. A drunken, dizzying feeling whirling in his head; probably because of all the coffee he’s downed and the little water he’s consumed. “Whatever it is you’re here to pester me with, please save it for another time and leave.”

“Why? Stay at home daddy roles keeping you occupied?” The cushion of the couch bends beneath Kuroo’s weight as he leisurely raises his feet to the coffee table, arms relaxing over to the arm rest. “I wasn’t so surprised when you became a CEO, but this--fatherhood was something I’d imagined you’d do much later...”

Irritation seeps through Kenma’s skin in the form of tense muscles and a clenched jaw as Kuroo continues on to pass cheap jokes and badgers him. He swipes a bottle warm from the fridge before joining Kuroo on the other side of the couch, kicking his foot off the table on the way.

“You’re so cold to me.” Kuroo whines, ruffling Kenma’s pudding head hair, earning a disapproving tsk. “Seriously, how’s it someone like you skips the step to marriage and dives straight to having kids? I’m a bit hurt. I had to hear it from Shoyo. Like, seriously? Shoyo? I thought I was your best friend?”

“Self-proclaimed.” He corrects, unbothered by Kuroo’s sore expression as he untwists the cap from the bottle before chugging the water down in one breath. “Will you leave now?”

“Why are you so keen to push me out?” Kuroo lifts himself off the warmth of the cushions, moving closer to his evidently troubled friend as he picks off the seal from the plastic bottle. “Kenma, are you okay? Kyanma?”

Pinching the bridge of his nose once again, Kenma shakes his head as he leans his head back. Kuroo tilts his head, watching as his friend unravels in his pain; manifesting both metaphorically and physically.

“I’ve said something mean to a little boy and he didn’t even deserve it.” Kenma fiddles the empty bottle, tossing it to the side before anxiously fiddling with his fingers.

“What happened?”

A deep and heavy sigh escapes him, “He was wearing a dress and I told him he shouldn’t. A-And, And it’s not like I didn’t want him to. I don’t mind it all, but people are mean and the thought that he might face the same kind of treatment I did--Kuroo-san, I don’t want that.”

“You only meant well,” Kuroo places his hand on Kenma’s shoulder, rubbing circles against the material of his old Nekoma sweater. “Though, you could’ve said it better--”

“You know damn well I’m not good at that!” Kenma spits, cutting him off.

“But the point is, you meant well!” He reiterates. “Might’ve come across as a lil douche-y, but the intentions were there. But I think you of all people know that no matter what, there’ll always be someone mean. And I don’t think you can shield him from that. Maybe temporarily, but not forever.”

“I don’t want that kind of pain for him!” Kenma abruptly stands from his place, frustration tingling at his fingertips as it spreads throughout the rest of his body. “He’s so small, Kuroo-san. You should’ve seen him. I said one thing and it already looked like he was gonna break. What happens when he hears words worse than mine? What’ll I do then? What can I do for him?”

Sniffling. It is the sound that follows after Kenma’s voice breaks and causes Kuroo to raise his brows. At first he thinks his ears have tricked him, but when he finds tears pooling down to his chin as he collapses back onto his seat.

And it is at this moment, after all the time that has passed, has he seen him break.

“I-I don’t know how to do any of this. I’m so confused.” Kenma babbles on, stumbling on his own words and choking in between his sobs. And all Kuroo can offer is a soft, rhythmic pat on his back to try and calm him down.

“I’ve been doing some reading about how to understand children or how to raise one, but it's so different. There’s all these theories and guidelines, but no one tells you that you forget everything you read the second they appear in front of you…”

Kenma holds his head in his trembling hands, crying even harder. All the while he wonders what the child version of him would think if saw him as fragile as the fallen leaves that’d crunch beneath his feet. He’d wonder if he had known the stress he’d fall prey to, would he have continued?

But as the image of you bleed through his worries, he’s more than sure of his answer.

Yes.

Yes, I would.

Over and over again in one breath.

“You will be to that child what you needed when you were bullied.” Kuroo’s words are steady, matched with an endearing smile to comfort Kenma’s crying as he meets his glistening gaze. “You needed someone to reassure you that all you heard were nothing but lies, so you do that for him.”

“Ah, my dear friend, have you not heard of the phrase ‘It takes a village to raise a child’?” Kenma merely blinks at him quizzically as Kuroo snakes an arm around him to bring him close. “What I’m tryna say is: stop acting like you don’t have me, and Shoyo, and the rest of your friends who’re just within your reach. No one ever said it was only just going to be the two of you.”

Kenma swallows thickly, nodding in agreement as he wipes away the snot dripping from the tip of his nose. He says his thanks that’s quieter than a whisper, it comes airy and a bit croaky from crying.

The words of his best friend doesn’t immediately fill his heart with peace, but it does lift a little weight from his shoulders. It does give him the sense of security he’s been searching for. And all Kenma wants to do now is apologize to Yuki--

“Speaking of,” Kuroo clears his throat, wandering his eyes around the expanse of the apartment. “Where are the kids…?”

“Oh, shit.”

❁ ❁ ❁

Kuroo and Kenma’s feet click clack against the pavement as they run down to Yuki’s preschool. The cool afternoon air winds past the pair; Kenma’s chest is heaving in pain while Kuroo barely breaks a sweat.

“I can’t believe you forgot the child!” Kuroo shouts behind him, laughing at Kenma struggling to catch up. “How could you forget a child?”

“I was pretty preoccupied today!” Kenma countered between ragged breaths. “If your ass didn’t show up I would’ve remembered!”

“Not with all that crying!”

“Don’t you dare bring that up ever!”

Kuroo’s hyena laugh carries two blocks over. Head turn as the two continue to bicker all the way down until they arrive at the preschool. Children clamoring before the gate, mingling with their parents and Kenma’s hooded gaze sweeps through the crowd to find a familiar tousled head of hair.

“What’s he look like?” Kuroo towers over Kenma and the children, squinting his eyes and looking around as if he’s got any clue.

“He, uh, he should be wearing jeans and a frog shir--” Kenma’s attention is pulled from a string of voices singing praises to find Yuki proudly twirling in his embroidered dress, basking in their compliment.

It becomes clear to Kenma you dire need to leave the house immediately was because of this. Because you were being coy.

But Yuki’s joy is short-lived, locking eyes with Kenma huffing for air after all the running. But to the young boy gaping up at him, it looks as if he’s ready to yell. So he stops his twirling, his smile slipping away as the rest of the kids’ turn to face him.

Yuki straightens himself, adjusting the straps of his backpack as he carefully walks towards Kenma with his head hung low. Kuroo elbows his side and nearly knocks out the little air he has left.

He swipes his tongue across his lips before he speaks, But before he can even utter a sound, his train of thought is pulled from him once again.

“Disgusting.” An abrasive, disembodied voice grimaces. Not a single care if they’re heard.

“Why the hell is he wearing a dress?” Says another.

“Honestly, this generation…”

“Boy’s aren’t supposed to be wearing dresses.”

The chattering picks up and soon all the parents are ogling at Yuki who can hear them all so clearly, and Kenma notices him shrinking into his froggy raincoat, trying to hide from their judgemental stares.

This, Kenma thinks. This is exactly what I mean.

Kenma is not an emotional person, and not once did he ever raise his voice or act on what he was feeling without thinking it over. And as much as he’d like to throw his hands and cause a scene, he remembers Kuroo’s advice.

“Who’s child is this?” One of the mothers questions. “Who does this child belong to?”

“He belongs to me, Miss.” Kenma rasps, taking Yuki’s hand in his before turning to the woman. “I am the guardian and this is my child.”

“And you allow your child to wear a dress?”

“Yes.” He answers, finding the footing in his confidence to talk back to a woman who can easily tower over him if she steps closer. “Yes, and what does that have to do with you?”

“Have you no shame?” She glares at him in disgust, sighing. “He’s a boy! Boy’s shouldn’t be wearing dresses! It’s for girls! What kind of message are you trying to teach him?”

“And what about you, Miss? Are you proud to show your kid and all these other young minds that its okay to be a bigot? That it’s okay to be uneducated?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Then beg.” Kenma spits, his cat eyes burning holes into the mother’s skin. He’s completely unphased by the growing whispers exchanged between the parents. Kuroo watches proudly in the background, quietly cheering him on. “Skirts were worn by both men and women during the prehistoric times, and biologically speaking, it makes more sense if men were to wear skirts. They only stopped because people as close minded and uneducated as you feared femininity.”

“So I should ask you the same question, Miss: have you no shame? Telling a small child he’s disgusting because we wanted to wear something that made him happy and comfortable. Is he hurting you?”

The woman’s lips fall to an ‘o’ as she’s at a loss for words, and Kenma relishes in his growing confidence, bending down to Yuki to pick him up and rest him onto his hip.

“You have no right to talk to my child that way.” Kenma clears his throat, taking a step back as he maintains eye contact with all the parents at sight. “Let me make this very clear: should you feel the need to take my place as his guardian and try to speak for me, I suggest you don’t.”

Kenma let’s his words linger in the air and begins to walk away, Kuroo slipping through the sea of parents to walk alongside him.

A smirk slips across his lips, looking down to Yuki clinging his around Kenma’s neck.

“Wow,” Kuroo breathes, amusement lacing in his tone. “I didn’t think you had it in ya.”

“Oh my god, I never wanna do that again.” Kenma twitches the cringe out from his body before pressing Yuki closer to him. “I hate talking to people.”

“But you did a very good job, I’m actually super proud.”

“Shut up,” Kenma mutters, locking his eyes onto the pavement ahead of him.

He’s still shocked, unable to believe what had just transpired. He hated the feeling of everyone’s eyes fixed on him, and how quiet it was when he spoke. He hated having to speak up.

But if had to do it again, he would.

He’d do it again and again in one breath.

205 notes · View notes

howldean · 3 years

Note

stfu just say you're a snowflake. they them isn't singular and your "identity" labels aren't even real, like seriously you're gay or straight or a girl a boy or a tranny stop lying to yourself and see a fucking therapist you dumb faggot

Hello there, anon!

See, usually, I’d simply discard your message and laugh about how pathetic you are to my friends over discord (some can confirm that I’m doing this there too <3) but fuck it! I’m feeling combative tonight and I’m procrastinating, so I might as well waste my time making you feel special like a snowflake

Let’s break this down in order of appearance:

1. Pronouns!

Singular they IS in fact proper grammatically. Singular they is used for some nonbinary individuals, *like myself* as well as in context to an unknown person (i.e. someone left their phone here, if anyone saw who they were, please give it to them)

(official Merriam-Webster dictionary def)

so yeah, fuck off about that <3

2. Identity

I... *inhales* YOU DON’T HAVE TO UNDERSTAND LABELS FOR THEM TO BE VALID! ADDITIONALLY you say it’s boy/girl/trans-spec but then what about intersex people? Intersex individuals have biological factors that aren’t catergorized as male or female sexes. (XXY, XXX, XXYY chromosome anomalies, as well as hormone imbalances, and discrepancies in genital development) //for the lovely humans reading this, please look into intersex youth rights and protections, as some can undergo forced genital mutilation surgeries at a young age to “better align” with M/F sexes. InterACT is a great advocacy resource btw//

✨Biological sex isn’t binary either✨

Also, fun fact! Attempting to invalidate my identity isn’t going to change anything. Why?

This is the happiest I’ve ever been about who I am

Gender and sexuality are fluid, and one packet of gelatin isn’t going to harden the Thames

my partners and I will happily engage in a swordfight with you and your partner (if one is present) mind you, there’s three of us and at most two of you, and two of my team are skilled with the blade. And we’re all highly motivated

dude, I’m just as confused as you are, I’m just vibing with what’s comfortable

oh... and also?

That shit’s fucking legal. Feel free to look at my State ID, my gender is legally marked ‘X’

soooooo yeah have fun with that

3. Lying to myself

Honey, of the pair of us, I’m the one that’s speaking publicly. Did I have to post this? Nope. Am I doing it anyway? Yep.

I lie to myself about a lot of things, this ain’t one of them, babe.

4. Therapy

I am actually seeing a therapist! She’s awesome, and I’ve been going for about a month and a half now. She specializes in working with LGBTQIA+ youth, and has a really compatible mindset with how I process trauma and things that I’ve held onto.

Moral of the story, therapy is absolutely amazing, especially with someone that can understand you. 11/10 would recommend.

Thanks for the advice there, though.

5. Dumb f*ggot

*rubs my grubby lil hands together with enough force to generate static electricity*

Welcome to tonight’s Everything Was Fine But You Just Fucked Around... Time To Find Out segment

Intelligence is entirely circumstantial, so honestly not sure how to reply to that. But if I’m dumb, and you’re the one that doesn’t comprehend basic usage of common words and phrases... what does that make you?

As for your tasteless and unoriginal phrasing, all I can say is I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed in you. There are SO MANY big and beautiful monsterous phrases for you to call me! Hell, make your own.

You might actively GAIN respect from me for some. SO MANY OPTIONS. There’s a whole bank of potential for you, I mean Niobium? The element for one of my names, it’s a transition metal you’ve got so many fucking choices there, and each is as epically transphobic as you could possibly dream of. Talk shit about bees, idk. Hell, call me a cuckolding bleach-drenched shitstain!

Finally, to my followers and mutuals

Hey loves! Sorry you had to read all of that, people suck, huh? But hey, I was honestly looking for a good chance to word-vomit about a couple things, so this worked out nicely. I’m fine. This genuinely had me laughing and giggling at the sheer dumbassery exhibited by that anon! Btw, drink some water for me! If you want to show me support, or make me feel better, get a good night’s rest soon, or send me opossum photos. If a Pity Party means I get opossums, then I might pretend like these words affected me in any way that didn’t make me cackle maniacally

P.S.

I’m gonna have to go digging through my archive for a lil post because ummm

Sorry anon, I really am, because JJ is going to fucking murder you, Ash is going to damn you to hell, and every single one of my mutuals will lunge to harm you in their own special lil ways.

And I can’t save you from that ❤️

tl;dr singular they exists, attacking my identity won’t change that - also I can fence, and I’m legally nonbinary, intersex people deserve love, I’m genuinely happy with who I am, THERAPY IS FUCKING WONDERFUL, anon is an unimaginative doofus, and all of my followers and mutuals deserve the world... and the anon fucked with the wrong people

#baby's first anon hate?#tw homophobia #tw transphobia #answering anons #tw slurs #fuck around and find out

38 notes · View notes

xanderwithanx · 3 years

Text

A Casual Queer Theory Reading of "What We Do in the Shadows" (the series)

I had the idea to write this after rewatching the "Superb Owl" episode, where the vampires go to a Super Bowl party held by their stereotypically heterosexual neighbors. Of course, they come under the pretenses that it's a party for the Superb Owl. This is a really funny episode, but it got me thinking about a queer theory reading of the series.

Now, this is not to say, "Ooo, the vampires are queer, and I'm gonna prove it." Although Nadja and Lazlo were confirmed bisexual in the first episode, that's not the focus here. Queer Theory isn't just about LGBTQ+ representation in media. It also contains an ability to analyze straight sexuality, through the eyes of the Other.

I mean, the vampires are clearly identified as the Other throughout the series. Through their ridiculous and ambiguous accents, they're all from some unspecified place other than America, where they live. (Nandor is even from a long-extinct kingdom!) Their dress, mannerisms, beliefs, and their species all create an exotic reality.

This is why most of the humor comes from their interaction with our own world. It reveals the ridiculousness of normative-life through their clumsy engagement. The audience becomes anthropologists of their own reality.

Of course, Guillermo, our viewpoint character, is absent for this storyline. He is an audience surrogate. Through his familiar eyes we entertain the exotic Other of the vampires. He is absent, so we are brought along by the in-universe camera crew, as we identify with the group of vampires around us. While they seem absurd, we become the Other, like them, as they observe the strange world of heterosexuality.

Heterosexuality is best stereotyped as Strange through the party, as we explore this new world with the disconnected vampires. Nadja and Lazlo are in a loving heterosexual relationship, but they see the gendered war between the straight wives and husbands, and are confused.

This confuses Nadja, until she theorizes that, as men age (closer to death), they become worse partners (and people). To her, her husband's immortality is what keeps him from becoming like these stereotypical straight men: husbands who despise their wives. It seems that mortality (human-ness) is the enemy of a stable, heterosexual relationship. Nadja and Lazlo's loving relationship bears contrast. It asks, "Isn't straightness so "human"? We aren't part of the in-group, because we're the Other. How can we fall out of Straight Love, if we were never included in Straightness to begin with?"

This idea that straight relationships are formed through identifying within the "in-group", is the first theory posed by the episode. The conclusion of the episode reinforces this idea, while problematizing it.

To prevent the straight husband from discovering that they're vampires, Nandor and Lazlo hypnotize him. But, they go overboard. He's left confused and semi-lucid due to what the vampires call "the brain scramblies".

It's clear that, while this mental state leaves the man outside of normal humanity, he still fears death. He's still mortal, or, "not the Other", like the vampires. The vampires, due to their ignorance regarding mortals' fears of death, try to give him the best night of his life, before they attempt to "mercifully" kill him. One example is throwing him a "puppy party", by using their domain over animals to attract a pack of rabid stray dogs, who swarm him. He is, of course, afraid of death, and still mortal, although he no longer identifies with the in-group of common humanity.

This makes the conclusion all the more interesting. Instead of killing him, they return him to his wife. Removed from the context of his straight identity, as a blank slate, his heterosexual love for his wife is apparent. It's clear that removing the man's identity as being in the in-group of straightness allowed their heterosexual relationship to flourish.

That erasure of straightness was only caused through magic: the magic of vampirism. Or, the magic of dissassociation from humanity/straightness and identification with the Other.

I don't think this is a stretch. I mean, the comedy of the episode comes from the idea that normative straightness is silly, and must be removed by any means necessary.

Of course, I haven't even spoken on Colin Robinson. Colin Robinson is a psychic vampire. He blends into straight society through what I can only describe as a cartoonish Drag of normalcy. He uses his overbearing straightness to exhaust, anger, and depress the rest of the normative world, so he can feed off of their psychic angst.

I think Colin Robinson's straight-man-drag is really, really interesting. It's a parody of normalcy, one that points out the flaws on the viewer's own society. "Isn't straight normalcy feeding on your psyche? See how it oppresses you. Don't you want to escape?"

In that way, I obviously can't read the vampires as being an allegory for the LGBTQ+ community, that would be ridiculoud. However, it's impossible to see this episode and not envision them "queering" straightness.

Also, if you've made it to the end of this, congrats! I'm using the terms "queer" and "queering" here in a very specific academic sense, as I focus on Queer Theory in Art History. It may not be your personal definition of the term! This is by no means a comprehensive or perfect analysis-- I did it in one draft on a whim. I did this instead of writing my paper, so thanks for reading. :)

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits #queer theory #superb owl #mine

27 notes · View notes

genderfluidlucifer · 3 years

Text

Response to being asked to give an opinion on Connie’s calout by residentevil-4

(Tw: CSAM, rape fic, incest fic, predatory behavior, racism, ableism, kink mention, nsfw mentions. Minors should probably dni.)

“Connie and I know each other irl and went to school together for 3 years, although they now live in a different state and have cut contact with me. We went to a private therapy school in Manhattan as we're both disabled and were deemed unable to attend public school. Even though we were pretty close, Connie didn't like having photos taken of them, so I don't have any selfies of the two of us; however, these are from our sophomore and senior yearbooks which at least confirms that we were in the same year at school. People who have seen Connie's selfies should be able to confirm that that is what they look like. First and foremost, Connie is not TMA. They are intersex and the two of us have discussed intersex issues both in person and online, but they are still decidedly CAFAB.” Ok so first off, I want to address this part of the callout. To be honest...was it really necessary to literally doxx Connie ehre? Because this textbook definition of doxxing. Yes Connie’s done some shitty things but I freally don’t think that what they’ve done warrants this level of doxxing. Or...even better, any doxxing. This feels like a really unnecessary breach of privacy, revealing sensitive information on Connie’s childhood that they choose to confide in you with. I really don’t agree with this aspect of the callout as it feels very invasive and bordering on stalkerish. Btw when I say bordering on stalkerish I’m not directly calling you a stalker Bonnie. Just so we’re clear. I am not defending Connie supposedly faking being TMA. Because faking being TMA is a very serious issue. HOWEVER since I don’t know Connie irl and to be quite frank it’s none of my business what the nature of their agab is. Were not close and I’m certainly not going to like lead Connie onto thinking we’re friends just to confirm this with them because that would be creepy. So to be honest I’m going to take this part of the callout with again of salt for now.

[ID: A cropped screenshot of a numbered list Connie posted to their blog hadrosaurs in response to an ask.

“3. I’m TMA And that’s completely irrelevant. I’m not accusing them because of their gender I didn’t even know their gender when they said that to me saying that they said that because they fucking said that and the reaction to it was incredibly alarming. Don’t fucking say that stuff to people.]

I mean I”m not a trans woman so take this with a grain of salt if you want but...I don’t see how this is really proof of Connie being deliberately transmisogynistic? Yes Connie gives iffy retellings of mistakes they’ve made in the past. I’ve seen that on their blog before and I won’t pretend it doesn’t happen. BUT here they sound genuine enough and to be honest a growing issue I’ve seen with callouts as of late is. A person confirms they in fact did not do the thing they were called out for. And then the people who make the callout choose to see it as proof of incriminating behavior anyways. To be honest it’s a big problem and it’s also incredibly unfair to the person being called out. If you’re so determined at that point to see the person as bigoted no matter what they say then of course anything they say can be seen as proof. So I’m going to have to pass on this bit of evidence. “Connie responded: “Final note: I have spoken extensively with several trans women about using TMA to describe myself. I will not be getting into discourse about that on this blog again. All that leads to is people demanding my medical records and calling me slurs. If you wanna have a thoughtful conversation about it direct message me cause it’s not happening again here.” Again this really doesn’t seem all that self incriminating. Connie mentions here that they’ve talked to rl trans woman about whether or not they can be considered TMA. Connie really doesn’t have to disclose that personal information to people for any reason. Yes even when people are e including this ask response in a callout. And considering lots of people DO get invasive about Connie’s medical history ans general personal life over matters like this? I feel their reaction is pretty understandable here. “Connie has constantly compared “exclusionists” (or anyone, really) to TERFs, even when the people in question are not transmisogynistic, trans exclusionary radfems, or are even transmisogyny affected themselves.

“ Gonna have to disagree with this part of the callout too. Lots of ace inclus blogs, even some run by trans women , have proven that the ace exclus movement was started by swerfs/terfs. But the blog that has the most evidence for this is courteousmingler on tumblr. I suggest you check out that blog’s archiving of the history of ace exclus rhetoric before rushing to call me a transmisogynist for disagreeing with this part of the callout. I looked through all of the evidence for Connie being racist and tbh as a black ndn it all feels incredibly flimsy. It’d be one thing if Connie was using their experiences to derail and invalidate the discussions about how black people are oppressed But they weren’t doing that there at all. This part of the post feels incredibly biased. And like OP is looking for things to be mad about. Going to have to pass on this list of evidence. Also uh I seem to recall that residentevil04 got called out for some questionable behavior as well. “Both me (insepsy, hi) and ezrat have had really weird spikes in activity on our Statcounters, both on the same day. (Saturday, 4/17/21) For both of us, majority of the pages looked at by these visitors have been related to or about Connie, or have been posts that Connie would find "problematic" such as the f slur untagged or something related to "panphobia"/aphobia. I’m sorry but...none of the proof of cyberstalking holds any water. Visiting someone’s blogs and rbing posts to disagree with them is not cyberstalking. Keeping tabs on urls that an abusive person who has harassed are using so you can block them (in this case with kyoshi) and warn your mutuals is not stalking. As a victim of rl stalking it’s...really weird to call this legit stalking at all. Much less claim that you have damning proof of it being stalking when no such evidence exists in the callout. Besides after Connie and nonbinarydave called out one of kyoshi’s buddies for sending a death threat hate anon to nonbinarydave’s toddler st4lker partly admitted to doing it a few times. Then other mutuals in kyoshi’s toxic social circle clearly began joining in. Making side accounts where they tried to spin a false narrative of nonbinarydave’s daughter being one of their alters (ableist as hell.) And also trying to do it in such a way that they thought would trigger nonibnarydave’s psychosis (also ableist as hell.) If you’re going to drag Connie for their mistakes and never let them move on from those mistakes then it’s only fair to do that to people you agree with who also do toxic/bigoted things. ALso the fact that your wording here suggests that you think panphobia and aphobia aren’t real makes me doubt this claim even more. Exclus and their allies are notorious for mislabeling inclus disagreeing with them as stalking. “connie said that they would release that info at a later time and the minor began to argue with them that they had a responsibility regardless of their complicated relationship with age. in this argument connie for a time kept their age ambiguous and at one point told the minor (who confirmed in a later ask that they were severely traumatized by adults) that they obviously weren’t traumatized. connie quickly deleted this ask and any mentions of it and the next post they reblogged was about how wrong it was to try and quantify or discount others’ trauma. on my old blog i @ed them in the replies and asked if they had just done that. connie admitted to it and said it was fucked up but quickly blocked + deleted my comment. i can’t remember whether or not connie apologized to the minor, they may have? but yeah. i thought that was pretty weird.”] I do agree with some of the concern here that adults shouldn’t over expose minors in discourse. I’ve been contemplating this for awhile myself. And trying to figure out how to take better steps to avoid including minors who are triggered by discourse in discourse, especially. HOWEVER I have one little issue with this addition to the callout. If that is the case then exclus and their allies need to practice this as well. You cannot ignore the fact that the reason a lot of minors are getting involved in exclus discourse is due to adult exclus and their allies forcing minors to pick a side in the discourse. Y’all are not at all exempt from this problem. I still remember an ex mutual of mine trying to convince a minor to agree that aces can’t face corrective rape. And based on how aggressive it got with me when I tried to avoid giving an opinion on the matter, I can’t imagine that it would’ve reacted better to the minor refusing to give an opinion or to the minor outright disagreed. Refusing to put these standards on exclus and their allies is both hypocritical and quite frankly very transparent. The claims about them glorifying dark topics on AO3 through their fics also seems unfortunately legit. I mean those asks of shaming people who ask their viewers to not romanticize or glorify abusive relationships in their works is very damning. I’m very disappointed to see that Connie has taken being an inclus to the point of validating antis anti culture wholeheartedly. I can’t think of much more to add to my opinion on that part of the callout. As for the issue of Connie interacting with pro shippers in the past, I do know that this claim is legit. I’ve seen it before and so has Breeze. This was why for a brief time we decided to stop following their blogs. Because it was triggering to have pro shippers put on our dash. And sometimes we just don’t feel it’s worth it to always let people we’re platforming know they’re rbing triggering stuff. So sometimes we just quietly unfollow and choose to not interact until we’re sure they’re filtering what they do and don’t rb in some way. I definitely don’t agree with that behavior. And if they’re still doing that I”ll deplatform again. “The anon asks: “A weird question but do you know any other stimboard blogs with your follow criteria? (No radfems, racists, fandom antis, etc.) I was hoping to find more through your “similar blogs” but a lot have no anti-antis for their DNI or allow truscum/transmeds and exclus. :(“

The user responds: “I know of @turtle-pond-stims, @outofangband, and @kinaesthetics! 🍂🍄" “[ID: A cropped screenshot of an ask sent by Connie from their now-deactivated blog, butch-with-a-tortoise.

Connie says: “hey anon I have safe stim blogs. dm me if you want them. And radfems/bigots aren’t allowed to interact. For my own safety (because the community is honestly terrifying) I can’t publicly say on my blogs that I’m safe for proshippers/kinky people but I try to spread word how I can.”] [ID: Screenshot of a post by evilwriter37, which reads, “I’ve been seeing posts about fandom police leaving ao3, and it’s like: Good. We don’t want you here anyway. Go find your own fanfiction site.”

The post is tagged “#Fandom #AO3 #Antis #Purity Culture” and has 87 notes. It was posted on December 21st, 2020.

There is a reply from main-to-outofangband-andothers saying: “there are Silm antis on that site who are against Russigon (Maedhros and Fingon) not because they’re cousins but because they’re both male (coded)”] [ID: A screenshot of an anonymous (though signed off as being from outofangband) ask sent to evilwriter37, which says, “Melkor and Viggo solidarity is ‘Look there’s nothing wrong with keeping my enemy chained up in my personal chambers at all times so please just focus on the war efforts and I’ll focus on the boy* in my chambers’ -@outofbangand.

*boy used figuratively @ antis”

The user responds: “Pfft!!! Hahaha! You’re absolutely right! (And Viggo does refer to Hiccup in canon as ‘my boy’).”] I can’t really say anything to refute this. Because these are all posts of Connie outright stating that they disagree with antis. And not only sympathize with anti antis but are fully against antis. Looks like very damning evidence. Although ngl I’m not entirely against kinky blogs as a whole? Just so long as they truly stay in their lane with their kink content. And don’t force it on others in any way. Or shame people who are triggered by their kinks. It is true that being entirely against kinky blogs no matter what is dipping your toes into swerf rhetoric. Tbh I’m not going to look at the rest. This is pretty much all I need to make a decision on whether or not I”ll continue platforming Connie. Though I will try to get some more perspective from people who I interact with as well. Because I feel better about making a more definitive decision after doing that. Also in general please don’t not try to get an opinion from me on how I feel about syscourse. A lot of the claims about Connie’s age weirdness and them using their alters as a shield feel like syscourse to me. Especially if this callout was written by one or several singlets. Singlets should never be trying to judge how legit someone’s system is ever. Even if their system friends encourage them to. You can call out a horrible person with a system without trying to insinuate that they’re lying about their alters in some way. Doing otherwise is ableist ESPECIALLY if you’re a singlet. Also in general the reason I stay out of discussions of judging how someone is handling their systems is because it’s syscourse and syscourse is triggering for my system and I. If this post was an attempt to get me to give an opinion on the validity of Connie’s system I don’t appreciate it. And I would appreciate not being dragged into such matters again, thank you.

In general there’s like a few parts of this callout that feel legit. Which is unfortunately cluttered with obvious bias and obsessive hatred of Connie. I’m not here to stan or coddle Connie. I know they are not a perfect person. Especially since no human being in the world is perfect. But I feel the way this callout was created was very sloppy since a lot of the evidence was messy at best. And some points were very hypocritical as well as there being some no true scotsman moments from OP. In acting like exclus never do any of the thing that they tried to call out Connie for. Which is behavior that I am not a fan of. This is why people need to be more careful about callouts and like make roughdrafts and have a more unbiased person helping them if they don’t feel they can do it on their own. I’m even trying to make a resolve to do better at that myself. So it’s not like I’m unwilling to put my money where my mouth is. Anyways those are all my thoughts on this messy callout. And tbh I’m not going to get too much more heavily involved in this. Because I need to focus on more immediately serious rl stuff more often, like doing what I can to get out of the hellish landscape of a house I currently am stuck in.

8 notes · View notes

365days365movies · 3 years

Text

February 18, 2021: The Danish Girl (2015) (Part 1)

The list of movies I’ve seen is a little...limited.

And I mean in general, not just this month. Now, don’t get me wrong: I’ve seen a FUCKTON of movies, to say it lightly. But in terms of the diversity of films I’ve seen...it could use some updating, I’m not gonna lie. So, because of that, I haven’t seen too many LGBT focused films, which is one of the reasons I wanted to add them this month.

So I REALLY haven’t seen films that prominently feature transgender people, and Ace Ventura pretty obviously shouldn’t count for various reasons. But I have seen one major one, which I think has been recently somewhat forgotten. Which is a shame, because I actually really liked it!

Tangerine, directed by Sean Baker, is a comedy drama film about two transgender women who are sex workers on the Hollywood strip, and it’s a look at a few days in their lives. It’s all shot on an iPhone camera (yes, really), and yeah, I really did like this movie! Saw it in theaters in early 2015, when it came out, and around the time I was starting to diversify my tastes, movie-wise.

Look, all of this is me saying that this project of mine is an attempt to watch more films, and to expose myself to new and different perspectives. So, even though this is the only transgender-related film on my list (yeah, sorry about that), there will be more in the future, I promise. If you have any good ones that fit into other genres, and that I should’ve seen by now, let me know! I’m definitely interested. Anyway, with that said: The Danish Girl.

Directed by Tom Hooper, who...wait. Tom Hooper? Like, this guy?

Neat! That movie wasn’t bad, as musical adaptations go. Had its issues, but for Hooper’s biggest and most recent musical, that’s a good staAAAAAAAAH

OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT CATS

...Ahem. Well, other than that movie that I saw in theaters NOT A JOKE I SWEAR TO GOD, Hooper’s 2015 biographical film about real-life transgender person Lili Elbe made quite the critical smash when it came out, and was considered (and won) several awards, including some Oscars. So, I’m looking forward to seeing this one! As long as there’s no James Corden and Rebel Wilson in it...or the mice...

...

...SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Einar Wegener (Eddie Redmayne) is a newly successful landscape artist in Copenhagen, in 1926. His wife, Gerda Wegener (Alicia Wegener), is a portrait painter, although obviously a bit stifled by gender politics of the time. The two are pretty obviously very much in love.

Einar goes to visit Ulla Paulson (Amber Heard, and we’re not gonna get into THAT massive-ass controversy, NO SIIIIIIIIR), a ballerina and a prospective godmother to any future children.

At a portrait painting with a seemingly VERY uncomfortable gentleman, Gerda does some musing on the female gaze vs. the male gaze, and dude is FRAZZLED. Also some talk about submission going on there, so THAT’S interesting. These portraits are viewed by a gallery owner, Rasmussen (Adrian Schiller), who believes that portraits aren’t her forte, and she needs to find another subject matter.

That makes her understandably upset, and she takes it out on Einar when she comes home. This is made far worse by the fact that the two are trying to get pregnant, but that doesn’t seem to be working either. Despite this, she asks for Einar’s help with a portrait of Ulla, and needs him to put on her stockings, shoes, and dress in order to pose for the painting. And that’s when the first realization hits.

As he starts to realize something (which he obviously can’t quite place), Ulla arrives and hands him a bouquet of flowers, joking that they’ll call her “Lily.” He brushes this aside...mostly, I assume. That night, Einar comments on Ulla’s new night garments, and the two embrace lovingly. Still, though, you can tell that Einar’s percolating.

At a party that Ulla’s throwing, there’s a mostly ironic discussion about Gerda dressing provocatively by showing off her ankles. And yeah, it’s meant to be a joke, but the fact that they’re making a joke in this movie that I would 100% make in real life is so delightfully meta to me, and I love it.

That night, after some more sexy, sexy ankle talk, and THAT leads to the revelation that Einar is wearing the new undergarments of Gerda’s. And, to my EVERLASTING surprise and delight, Gerda’s TOTALLY COOL with this, and the two make love. Afterwards, Gerda draws Einar in a more feminine state, which Einar quite likes.

Two two speak about another upcoming party, Ulla’s Artist’s Ball, to which Einar doesn’t want to attend, as...they...feel like they’re forced to perform as themselves. Gerda half-jokes about going as someone else, and while that’s not really an option they’re considering, the two do begin to craft a separate female identity for Einar, with makeup and clothes, as well as lessons on more feminine behaviors.

Einar, as Lili, accompanies Gerda to the Artist’s Ball. It’s very awkward at first, but that changes with the introduction of Henrik Sandahl (Ben Whishaw), who’s immediately attracted to...well, “Lili.” I’ll explain the quotes in a minute, I PROMISE. “Lili” first rejects his advances, but then...HOLY SHIT, they kiss. And Gerda sees this, and it understandably goddamn upset.

The next day, the fallout comes, and Gerda and Einar have a discussion about the kiss, and Gerda says that Lili shouldn’t “visit” anymore. However, Einar’s not as certain of that even being a possibility.

That seems to be further confirmed by the obvious strain Einar is feeling afterwards, and in a frantic rush, he heads to a studio that they use and looks at himself in the mirror. And as Einar examines himself in the mirror...I think this is the right time to explain the quotes from earlier.

See, here’s the thing: up until this point, both Gerda and Einar thought of this as a lark and a curiosity, respectively. But now, in the mirror, Einar’s realized that it’s something far more than that, as has Gerda. And it’s at this point that it’s time to switch names and pronouns, at least to they/them. Because up until now, I don’t believe that they truly understood themselves.

And now they’re starting to. Hasn’t outright said it, yet, but the mirror scene seems to cement it for me. In the meantime, Gerda also seems to realize it, subconsciously at least, as she completes one of the portraits that she drew of Lili. She brings this to the art dealer from earlier, and he surprisingly takes it!

But Lili’s doing something...less than totally OK, as she goes to meet Henrik, who continues to show attraction towards her. A self-confessed romantic, he happily lets her into his place, but I’m not certain whether or not he’s aware of the full situation.

Whether he is or isn’t, it doesn’t quite matter, as he wants to go further in their relationship physically, with Lili is NOT ready for. She goes home, where Gerda finds her, surprised. Lily admits everything, and while knowledge of the affair hurts Gerda significantly (GODDAMN IT MOVIES STOP THE INFIDELITY), another revelation emerges which is more important.

See, Lili and Einar seem to be dissociating, as Einar is now assigning Lili’s feelings to a separate person, and is essentially dissociating. These feelings include a past childhood kiss shared with a boy names Hans, which are now associated with Lili. But as all of this is coming to light, Einar suddenly collapses.

Einar goes to see a doctor, Jens Hexler (Pip Torrens), who believes that it’s all caused by a chemical imbalance, and decides to treat it with...radiation. That...that can’t have actually been a treatment for “chemical imbalance”, right? I mean, it’s certainly fitting with the time, but this would DEFINITELY make hormone problems and infertility WORSE, not better.

But despite this, Einar and Gerda go through with this (almost certainly didn’t happen) treatment, after which Einar says that the doctor “hurt Lili.” Deemed unsuccessful, the doctor calls Einar insane, and leaves them and Gerda, who are both upset. And that’s not made better by the fact that the doctor has reported them, and someone will take Einar to the asylum...unless they leave.

Good thing, then, that Gerda’s been asked to exhibit the paintings of Lili in Paris! They get the FUCK out of Copenhagen, and head to Paris. But with all of this, Einar’s beginning to unravel, losing even the painting side of themselves, as their relationship with Gerda also begins to change.

And I think that it’s at a Paris peepshow that Einar officially assumes the role of Lili in her own mind. So, I’m going to end the first part with the following statement:

Her name is Lili, and I’ll be referring to her as she/her from here on out. See you in Part 2!

11 notes · View notes

phcking-detective · 4 years

Text

Baby I Can See Heaven in Your Eyes

Rating: E

Tags: dirty talk / voice kink, heavy petting, dry humping, delayed / denied orgasm, hair pulling, light pet play (Nines is called kitten and told to "sit"), oral fixation, crying, kissing and cuddling as (brief) aftercare before the scene continues, sexual possessiveness, fingering, sub space

TW: sexual roleplay that Gavin is Nines’s “owner” and Nines is his “companion model,” like an at-home Traci; no kink negotiation beforehand, but Gavin checks in with Nines frequently for explicit consent; Nines has a vagina (no gender play)

***

Nines cannot wait for his human to return home, so that he can test his most recent experiment. Thus far, he has tested a phallus, a vaginal component, two dildos, and a vibrator.

He is looking forward to also gathering data on Gavin's dick.

"Hello, detective," he greets the moment of the human's arrival.

Thing One and Thing Two greet him as well, One by rubbing against his legs and purring, and Two by screaming for attention. They have both been fed, and Nines plans on giving them their favorite electronic mouse to hunt as a distraction so he can have the human to himself for the evening.

"Hey, baby," Gavin says. He kneels down and pets both cats. "Hello beasties. Yes, hello. Are you lying? Have you been fed?"

"Yes, they have," Nines answers for them. "Please ignore their wails of alleged hunger."

"Dirty rotten liars," Gavin calls them affectionately.

Nines remotely deploys the mouse with a swirl of his LED. It is big enough to contain a small amount of wet food inside, and the "beasties" quickly chase it into the kitchen.

Gavin stands up with a snort. "Oh, did you want attention too? What've you been doing today?"

"Yes," Nines says shamelessly. "I spent the afternoon thoroughly masturbating myself. How was work?"

Gavin tries to hang his jacket on a coat hook that does not exist and drops it on the floor. "You—what?"

"I spent the afternoon thoroughly masturbating myself. How was work?" Nines asks.

"Not as fun as that," Gavin mutters as he picks up the jacket and tries again. "Did you … uh. Have fun?"

"Yes. I should really thank Connor," Nines says.

Gavin pulls a face. "You fucked Connor? In my—shit, OK. Well. Our apartment? Not on my bed though, right? That's still mine."

Nines rolls his eyes in return. "No, Gavin. I did not fuck Connor. He simply informed me that sex is not merely for reproduction and that it is not hyperbole when humans say they want to fuck someone."

Gavin stares at him. Nines understands. This is all very new information that seemed dubious to him as well.

"Apparently, humans really are out there 'fucking' one another," Nines explains.

"… yeah," Gavin says.

Nines analyzes him, noting his elevated heart rate. "Did you know about this, detective?"

"I—don't scan me!" Gavin snaps. "My sex life is none of your business."

"Oh." Nines feels his LED circle yellow-yellow-red. "But you are sexually attracted me, and Connor said that is not merely an annoying physical response on par with hiccups. Do you not want to have sex with me?"

"On par with …" Gavin stops and rubs his hands across his face. "Phck. We're really going to talk about this, huh? We're just gonna have a whole goddamn conversation about it."

"Yes," Nines says. "Detective."

Gavin puts his hands down to glare at him. "OK, just because I got drunk one time—"

"You get drunk fre—"

"AHT!" Gavin cuts him off with the no-noise he uses on the cats. "One time and ordered a companion android, who—"

"You did not," Nines reminds him. "You googled 'tall smexy anboid' 'want hot robo friemd' and 'am robots gay question-mark question-mark question-mark' before passing out."

"I hate you."

"You think I'm pretty."

"AUGH!"

Gavin stalks into the living room and throws himself onto the couch. Nines does not understand why his human insists on making everything so emotional and difficult and emotionally difficult.

He clearly desires android sexual companionship, given his drunken attempt to order a companion model — [confirmed].

He is sexually attracted to Nines, given that he mistook the RK900's first appearance at his apartment the next morning (entirely coincidental; Captain Fowler assigned them as partners) to be the companion model he attempted to order — [confirmed].

He did not reject the "companion model," despite all commentary from other humans (Cyberlife employees; DPD employees) indicating Nines is [creepy], [inhuman], [terrifying], et cetera, et cetera. Gavin instead labeled him a [big pretty bitch] and [all my phcking wet dreams come true, goddamn].

"You think I'm pretty," Nines repeats.

Gavin finally lifts his head out of his hands. "Yes. You're the prettiest fucking sass bot ever produced."

[confirmed]

"You find me sexually attractive as well, and it is true that humans actually act on those physical desires, yes?" Nines asks.

Gavin sighs and lets his head drop against the back of the couch. "Yeah."

"I have installed a vaginal component, and I—"

"Oh my god," Gavin whispers at the ceiling.

"—have confirmed I enjoy penetrative stimulation," Nines continues. "You are in possession of a phallus, correct?"

Gavin looks up at him. "OK, so you're bored of dildos and you want to try out my dick?"

"Is anyone other than your hand making use of it?" Nines replies.

"Phck off."

"Gladly."

Nines takes a seat on Gavin's lap. This is his [favorite] spot. Now he knows why it flusters the human so much, and also possibly why he enjoys it so much. Could he have been experiencing [sexual arousal] even without a genital component? Interesting.

"Baby," Gavin groans.

Nines relocates the human's hands to his thighs. Gavin obligingly begins rubbing them, almost reaching up high enough to cup his ass. He has sat in this spot before, firstly to mimic the cats, because they seemed to enjoy sitting on Gavin's lap and being petted. Then for [cuddling] and telling each other about their day.

Of course he had noted Gavin's reaction to this; he simply did not categorize it as relevant. The human's stomach also sometimes growled while around the cats, but that bodily reaction did not mean Gavin literally wanted to or would ever eat either one of them. Human bodies sometimes just do things.

But now Nines can recognize he is the [cause] of this particular reaction.

(And also note his new genital component's reaction to his human rubbing his thighs and calling him baby in that tone of voice.)

"Detective," Nines says in return.

Gavin huffs out a growl. "Dammit, Nines. You should—you can … go get another human. Or android, I guess. Just. Someone else."

Nines pulls back enough to ensure he can fully scan the human. Arousal — [confirmed]. No detection of [fear]. Gavin wants this and presumably is not coerced or intoxicated.

But admittedly, Nines did not have a social module pre-installed. He has learned from experience, observing humans in his new profession as a librarian, and … mimicking Gavin's cats.

(Not that he's told that last fact to Connor.)

"Clarify," Nines demands. "Do you not want this?"

Gavin, much like his cats when told to get off the counter, looks away and pretends not to hear him.

"Am I sexually assaulting you?" Nines asks.

"Wha—" Gavin finally gives him a reaction. "No! Fuck, god."

"I am requesting that you fuck me."

Gavin gives him a slow look up and down. "Closest I'm gonna get to heaven, huh?"

Nines preens under his gaze. Question answered, now reassured that his actions are not harming the human, he deploys another helpful tactic he has learned from Thing One and Thing Two.

He repeatedly butts his face into Gavin's to request attention.

"Kiss me."

"Nines, I—"

"Kiss me. Kiss me."

Gavin grabs a fistful of his hair and yanks him into a kiss. Nines ignores the notifications of a mission successfully completed as they scroll across his HUD in order to focus on the experience.

For how roughly Gavin maneuvered him into it, the [kiss] is surprisingly gentle. His lips press insistently against Nines's, drawing back slightly and then pressing again, but it is nothing like the people on TV who seem to be eating each other's faces.

It is … very nice. Warm. The human's lips aren't quite soft, due to chapping from the cold Detroit weather, but the texture is so [interesting]. And the contrast between lips and stubble and the slight pull of the hand still gripping his hair makes his internal cooling fans kick in to abate the sudden rise in temperature.

Then, just as Nines lets his guard down, Gavin bites his lip.

It does not [hurt] or cause any damage of course, but Nines still opens his mouth to ask why—and the human uses that split second to delve his tongue inside.

Analysis explodes across the android's HUD. Gavin's DNA, the hormones present in his saliva, traces of coffee. (And when was the last time he had a meal? Nines should be detecting actual food as well [reminder: my human has not yet consumed his daily caloric intake])

Gavin pulls back and separates their mouths. Unacceptable. Nines pushes forward and puts his own tongue inside the human's mouth to continue his analysis.

For some reason, Gavin pushes him away.

"No tongue until you learn how to kiss," he's told.

Nines does not pout. He presents a perfectly reasonable argument. "I was analyzing you."

"Yeah, that's why I made the rule," Gavin replies. "There's a difference between kissing and analyzing. Also, I need to breathe."

Well. The second fact does hold some merit …

"We can still make out." Gavin shifts his hand from Nines's hair to cup his face. "Just let me lead, all right baby?"

Nines nods and obediently holds still until Gavin guides his face back down. The kiss starts slow again, and the next nip at his bottom lip only tugs on it slightly before Gavin lets go and kisses him again. Nines tries to follow the pattern of when to press forward and when to tilt his—

Gavin's hands slide over the tops of his thighs and then inside them, thumbs pressed close to his groin. Nines barely has time to process this change (he is still being [kissed]) before the detective uses his grip to pull his thighs wider over his lap.

"You wanna show me what I'm working with?" Gavin asks him, his voice low and rough and … very unfair.

Nines leans forward into the human's arms, dropping his head down to rest on his shoulder. He needs less stimulus to process all of this. He restricts his audio input to ignore any sounds outside of the apartment. The mouse program gets abandoned, so the cats will likely be able to bat it out from under the fridge soon. All he needs is Gavin, Gavin, Gavin.

"Touch me," he asks.

The thumb slowly drawing circles on the inside of his left thigh lifts up to stroke over his pubic plate, currently equipped with a vaginal component. It only takes a gentle press to push the fabric of his yoga pants into the slick mess Gavin has made of him.

"Your cunt all wet for me, baby?"

The profanity shivers through him, and Nines nods against his neck. That answer apparently was not [adequate] though, because Gavin takes his thumb nearly away, resting so lightly atop the fabric Nines can only feel his human body heat.

"Need an answer, Nines."

Nines works his mouth silently for a few seconds before remembering to activate his vocal unit. "Yes, Detective."

Gavin hums and it's almost a groan. Nines presses closer and licks his neck. That is not [kissing]. This analysis of his sweat and skin should not be forbidden.

"I'm going to touch you," Gavin tells him.

Nines lifts his head to exhale a cloud of steam. It does very little to lower his rising core temperature, not when Gavin's thumb swipes up to pet across the crotch of his yoga pants until he finds his clit, grown swollen and plump. He chose a larger model, and he had very reasonable—

"Gaaav …"

—reasons. Reasonable … reasons. Yes. Many of them. Aesthetics and—and—more sensors to—

"Oh, baby," Gavin murmurs in that voice. "You need it, kitten? Look at you, you're trembling, and I'm barely even touching you."

That is an unfair assessment. Nines tries to formulate the argument but blows out steam again instead. Gavin has his voice, and the way he spread Nines's thighs so wide, he can clearly see the growing damp patch he's making.

The way that also leaves Nines's [cunt] spread wide, lips separated and hole clenching around nothing.

It feels … [filthy]

[embarrassing]

[exciting]

"So good for me." Gavin pulls Nines's face out of the crook of his neck by his hair. "Let me see you."

Nines goes with the motion. The human has a firm grip on his hair, right at the root, so the tugging doesn't actually [hurt], although the complete lack of resistance likely helps.

But he can hardly see his detective past all the error notifications crowding up his HUD.

Gavin apparently likes what he sees. "Beautiful. My pretty baby."

He doesn't stop circling his thumb around Nines's clit as he says it, and Nines whimpers. He tries to push his hips forward to get more pressure, more touching, more of anything, but Gavin takes his hand away entirely to still his hips.

"Please," Nines gasps.

Gavin gives him a stern look. "Behave."

Nines shudders all over, a full body malfunction. His core temperature has risen almost to dangerous levels. Gavin tugs his head back, forcing his chin up. Nines doesn't understand why (is he no longer allowed to view his human?) until a prompt flashes in red to exhale.

He releases a burst of steam that would have been too hot for human comfort, but Gavin has already preconstructed that. He is allowed to lower his head again once he's completed a few breathing cycles. His temperature and stress levels begin a slow descent as he settles into the knowledge that Detective Reed will take care of him.

"Please, Detective." Nines blinks several times to clear all the notifications. "I will be good."

He saves several still images of the way Gavin looks as he considers: his eyes more black than grey-green, the slight flush across his cheeks, the obvious press of his erection inside his jeans, yet he still remains in control.

(Of them both.)

Gavin lifts up the hand on his hip and offers Nines his thumb. Nines gratefully lets his mouth fall open, thumb gently pressing inside to rest heavily on top of his tongue. His eyes drift shut to focus solely on the analysis he receives.

All too soon, the thumb is withdrawn, but he doesn't have time to protest before it's pressing back into his clit again, even wetter than before, the damp fabric hardly even a barrier at all.

And then does not move.

"What do you say," Gavin asks lowly.

"Th—" Nines gasps. "Thank you, De—Detect—ohhh."

Gavin's own legs underneath him prevent him from closing his thighs around the hand between his legs, and the hand in his hair holds his head hostage so that he cannot look away. He doesn't know what to do with his hands until he realizes that at some point, he put them behind his back, an old program partially activated to stand at parade rest.

This is much better.

"You like this baby?"

Nines tries to nod against the hand in his hair and forces his LED to flash blue along the yellow and red.

"Good boy," Gavin praises. "Just gonna check when your light's been red for a while, all right?"

Nines doesn't answer this time. He just sinks down into it, the obedience of holding perfectly still, the care Gavin shows him, letting someone else have control for once. He enjoyed the way masturbation made his awareness of physical sensation temporarily overtake his thoughts, but he did not expect … this.

Except just when he feels his orgasm approaching, Gavin takes his hand away. He must make some sort of distressed noise, because his detective immediately reassures him.

"Shhh, shhh, I've still got you. You're good, so good for me, baby."

Gavin rearranges their legs as he speaks, holding both hands on Nines's sides to help support and balance him with his hands still gripping his wrists behind his back. The relocation stops with their legs staggered, Nines kneeling with one of Gavin's legs between both of his own instead of straddling his whole lap.

"You wanted to sit in my lap, didn't you kitten?" Gavin says. It is not a question. "So sit."

Nines doesn't understand, but he lowers himself back down anyway to [sit] on top of—

Oh.

Both of Gavin's hands go to his hips this time, showing him how to grind down on the thigh between his legs. The pleasure is not as [focused] as being petted with his thumb, but he finally gets pressure against his entrance as well.

"C'mere."

Nines doesn't realize he's broken posture to slump forward until Gavin pulls him in all the way, carefully nestling him to rest against his chest—although the android does still have to bend slightly to put their heads on an even level due to the height difference.

"Is this what you wanted?" Gavin turns his head to speak softly in his ear. "All those times you crawled in my lap, sat here like this, knowing how goddamn hard you get me?"

Nines whimpers and takes it, almost like a punishment, but so [good]. He only moves his hips as Gavin's hands direct them, as his leg pushes up and his hands pull him down.

"I shouldn't even be this nice to you." Gavin lets out a sigh. "But fuck it, you're cute. Go ahead and take a freebie, baby."

Nines tries to make his next whine sound a bit more questioning, to indicate he doesn't understand the meaning of that either. Luckily, Gavin pays attention. He always pays attention to Nines, in a [good] way, not afraid or gossiping about him behind his back.

"I'm going to let you come this time," he explains.

Gavin drops a kiss against his temple as Nines fixates on the very specific phrasing [this time]. Now he's the one a little scared, but not bad, not bad, it's too [good] to be [bad].

"Wh-when?" Nines manages to ask.

Gavin laughs, deep and almost mean. The not-fear shivers through him again.

He does not receive an answer.

***

Gavin knows he's a bad man. He's a very, very bad man, but goddamn if the universe hasn't rewarded him for it.

"That's it," he tells the gorgeous android rubbing off in his lap. "Next time I won't even have to show you how. Leave my hands free so I can have a smoke."

A cigarette is damn near the only thing that could make this any better. If this isn't a one-time curiosity experiment for Nines, he'll really have to try that the next time.

But for now, he focuses on the present, the absolute goddamn gift Nines is.

"Been waiting for this all day, haven't you?"

He doesn't give Nines time to answer. His thigh flexes underneath the slick cunt desperately grinding into it, and his android whimpers out static.

"How many times have you come already?" he asks.

"S-s-seven," Nines answers through a glitch.

Well. Gavin has to at least work him up to his own number, doesn't he?

"And no refractory period. Goddamn." Gavin sighs in mild envy while petting through his hair. "I could keep you here, just like this, all evening long. Keep you coming and begging for hours."

Nines lets out a grinding noise that might be the android equivalent of a sob. His hips finally lose their rhythm under Gavin's hand, just chasing his own pleasure now. He really shouldn't allow that so easily, but then again, Nines is a virgin who's never done kink before. Or anything else, actually.

So Gavin lets him have it.

But since he's a bad man, not an altruistic one, he pulls Nines's head back by his hair to see his pretty face, eyes wide and unfocused, lips slightly parted. There's a soft blue blush across his cheek's he's never seen before, and his LED practically strobes in his temple.

"Good boy, gonna make you come every time you sit this pretty little pussy in my lap."

Nines squeezes his eyes shut and whines. That's all right. He's too fucked out to make eye contact anyway, but one thing that isn't allowed …

Gavin presses his thumb inside the android's lips, pushing down on his tongue until his mouth drops open. He rubs the pad of it back and forth against the soft muscle for a moment, then down to smear the wet faux-saliva across his bottom lip.

"Keep your mouth open," he orders. "You're only allowed to come if you open that pretty mouth for me."

Nines gives a jerky nod, and Gavin sits back to enjoy the show. He pets his free hand across the android's chest and sides, feeling him up through the thin t-shirt as he rides his leg like he downloaded a Traci program to do it.

Eventually, the android starts spinning more red than yellow, hot air pushed out of his mouth with nearly even exhale, and he pushes his tongue out farther over his lips to show that his mouth is open.

And ohhh, Gavin is so bad. He rubs his thumb over that soft, pink tongue until it's nice and wet, then reaches up underneath his shirt to rub circles around one hard nipple.

Nines starts letting out shuddering sobs that Gavin lets wash over him, feeling them go straight to his dick like the android is being a good little companion and licking up his shaft. Next time, next time …

Finally, he scrounges around deep down in his soul to find some mercy.

"Come on my leg, baby."

He barely gets to "my" before Nines obeys, face dropping slack and LED pulsing a steady Yellow. Red. Yellow. Gavin gets to watch as his tongue gives the tiniest little flexes, like he's sucking cock in a dream.

If he were nice, he'd press his thumb back inside and help his orgasm along by giving Nines something to suck on.

Instead, he waits it out. Good training requires the sub to be just as desperate for it as you are, and he's going to let Nines work his way through a few orgasms with his mouth open and searching, so that when he finally presses the head of his cock into those sweet pretty lips, his android won't feel anything but gratitude.

When Nines finally slumps forward and begins crying against his neck, Gavin lets go of his hair and rubs both hands up and down his back.

"Shhh, hey, I got you," he says softly. "You were good, so good, baby. It's OK, just let it all out."

Nines sniffles, then begins studiously licking up his tears. Gavin would be a little concerned about his sub getting too deep into the headspace for their first time, except Nines licking his face, neck, and any other body part he can reach is pretty typical.

"Did that feel good?"

That gets a slow sigh of air that's just warm, not scalding hot. Gavin rubs a hand up the android's chest next, and Nines starts up a rumbling purr. Blue light spins in the corner of his eye. So he'll take all that as a yes.

"You want kisses?" he asks next.

Nines immediately butts his face against Gavin's cheek. He shouldn't have let the asshole learn how to be social from his fucking cats.

"All right, all right," he grumbles.

Gavin scoops up the lanky android in his arms as much as he can and turns them to the side so they can lay down on the couch, with himself on top of course. Nines lounges back against the cushions, black hair fanning out around his head like a dark halo. He reaches for Gavin and tugs on his shirt when he spends too long admiring the view.

Since he's already so spoiled anyway … Gavin obliges him with kisses. Nines hums and purrs throughout it, LED now a gentle baby blue.

"Did you like that?" Gavin asks quietly between the two of them.

He should have started this scene with that—some rules and a safeword at least—but he'll try to make up for it now with the aftercare.

Nines nods shyly, presenting his face for more kisses. Gavin gives them to him, but he keeps each one light and short to help them both wind down. They need to talk about if this will be an ongoing arrangement, and if Nines just wants to sub or if he wants to really dig deep and roleplay as Gavin's personal companion android.

Gavin tries to open up that conversation. "What do you want now, baby?"

Nines slowly opens his eyes and blinks up at him. His LED turns a slow, lazy yellow for a moment while he glances down.

Then he looks back up and clearly says, "Dick."

Gavin reflexively looks down at his own crotch—which is apparently where Nines was looking, not just demurely averting his gaze, the thirsty little bitch. He meets Nines's eyes again and sees the android watching him expectantly, like a pillow princess waiting to be serviced.

"Don't know how anyone mistook you for a detective," Gavin tells him. "When you're obviously such a slut."

Nines blushes and closes his eyes, but he doesn't bother to hide his preening smirk.

"But you're gonna have to earn that, baby," Gavin continues.

Nines opens his eyes to shoot him the wounded look he learned from their little beasties when being removed from the bed so Gavin can get some goddamn sleep without an eight pound cat laying on his face.

"I can be good," he promises. He glances down between them again. "I do not have a refractory period."

And then he looks up at Gavin from underneath his lashes with those big blue eyes, and all thoughts of kink negotiation and safe words take a running leap and crash through the window.

"I'm going to take off your pants and play with that pretty pussy of yours until you start crying again."

Nines nods eagerly. He even lifts his hips like a good boy to help Gavin peel the yoga pants off him, a sticky strand of lubrication stringing between his lips and the crotch for a moment before the thread breaks. That gets the android blushing and whirring again, but Gavin just chuckles.

He lifts the t-shirt too, but instead of taking it off, he tucks it behind Nines's neck. It's a pitiful restraint, especially against an RK model, but Nines obligingly tucks his arms back behind his back, then waits obediently for Gavin to begin.

And this had better be a long-term thing, because Gavin doesn't think he can ever let anyone touch his android after this. Not with how Nines is looking at him, so open and sincere, without a single doubt that whatever happens next will be good and safe.

He might be a bad man, but shit. At least he knows that. And he also knows how many losers and assholes are out there, sociopaths and abusers and people who are honestly just too dumb and selfish to notice when they hurt someone.

No, his Nines is never going to experience any of that.

"Did you think about me when you touched yourself?" Gavin asks.

He runs his hands up the insides of Nines's legs while he asks the question. That's unfair enough, but rubbing his thumbs right at the creases in his thighs as Nines tries to answer borders on mean.

"I—I, yes. Did." Nines stutters.

Gavin skirts his hands up higher, just barely resting on the outsides of his flushed lips. His clit is big enough to push out past them, a teasing little peek-a-boo that makes Gavin's mouth water. It looks just as fat and swollen with arousal as it had felt when he'd petted over it through the pants.

"Do you like having something in your cunt, baby?"

He gets even meaner when he punctuates this question by using his thumbs to gently pull his lips apart and watch the way his exposed hole clenches and flutters. Nines manages to make his moan sound something like please.

"You have to tell me if you want it," Gavin says sternly. "I'm not just gonna guess about something like that."

Nines frantically nods, his mouth working silently around gasps. He's so worked over just having his legs spread and his pussy put on display. Gavin decides to have mercy—mostly on himself.

"Shhh, OK. I'm going to play with you now."

He circles his thumb around the android's clit gently at first, just watching what kind of reaction partial stimulation to it gets him. Nines shudders out an exhale and his thighs tense.

"That's right, you need to keep your hips still," Gavin tells him.

Nines nods again, blindly, his eyes shut and mouth agape.

"Do you want it like this?"

Gavin slides his other hand up Nines's side, over his chest, to rest lightly on top of his throat. Nines slowly opens his eyes, LED sluggishly spinning yellow. Gavin times the slow circles around his clit to it.

"With rules and taking orders," Gavin explains. "Where you need to obey and behave."

"Yes," Nines breathes out.

He doesn't take that as his real answer right away. "Or do you want it more casual?"

Nines blinks hard, twice, and cocks his head.

"Where I tell you what to do, since I've got more experience. But," He lets go of the android's throat. "You can do what you want. You don't have to hold still or—"

Nines shakes his head no for the first time. "I … I want … to be … good."

"As a good boy, or my own personal companion android,"

Gavin strokes his thumb directly down the length of Nines's swollen clit for the first time.

"That I can pet,"

He keeps his thumb where it is and shifts his fingers to tease the tip of his index against the entrance clenching at it.

"And play with,"

"Yes, yes, please," Nines chants.

Gavin presses the finger inside and it goes so easy. Enough for him to believe Nines really has spent the entire afternoon doing nothing but fucking himself in Gavin's own bed.

"And fuck,"

He adds a second finger without any resistance and gets those tears he promised. He really can't stop a grin from spreading across his face at that, just as sharp and vicious as any of the RK's interrogation protocols.

"Whenever, and however …" He pulls his hand out entirely, leaving Nines gasping and wrenching his eyes back open to stare up at him in pleading confusion. "I want."

Nines sniffles and starts to shift his hips to seek out any stimulation he can. Gavin stills them with both hands, and tries to keep his voice soft and free of judgment for the next part.

"Do you still want to behave?" he asks.

He watches as Nines realizes what that really means. What he would be promising Gavin—just for this scene. They really do still need to have an actual talk before he'll accept anything as a permanent, serious answer, but he can't resist at least throwing this option out there for now.

Nines tilts his head back to release steam, but then he settles back down. His whole body eases in a way Gavin has never seen before actually—even though he rejected his programming in terms of working for either Cyberlife or the DPD, it always still shone through in his perfect posture and too-formal speech.

This is the first time he's ever seen the android look … relaxed.

Gavin waits, but he doesn't even attempt to hide the way he sweeps his gaze over Nines's body, appreciating the thick chest, pecs well-defined enough to almost give him a bust, nipples hard and begging for attention, and his legs still spread wide, showing off a perfectly manicured triangle of soft black curls right over where his cunt drools onto the couch.

He drags his eyes back up to meet Nines's soft look, utterly relaxed and blinking slowly. He already knows what the answer will be just from that, but he still waits for it.

"Yes, Detective."

***

this was commissioned by @gavinisqueertbh and you can find my commission info pinned to the top of my blog! subscribers to my patreon get early access to all my commissioned fics two weeks before they’re posted here and on AO3 for free ^^

#reed900 #gavin reed #dbh #dbh fic #detroit: become human #my writing

70 notes · View notes

korgbelmont · 3 years

Text

Newsletter 22/01/21

In the midst of the difficulties and uncertainties happening around the world, we're pressing onward to produce books we hope you'll fall in love with. As we continue to support one another within our studio, we can truly say that your thoughtful feedback has encouraged us during these challenging times. While we can't predict what'll happen next, we hope our 2021 books will provide you an outlet to smile, laugh, and relax during these times...

Book Updates

Without further ado, we wanted to take the time to update you on the various books to expect in the coming year. Hopefully, these will answer your most pressing questions!

With Every Heartbeat

Aching for another heartfelt Choices story? We're releasing this VIP book to all players at the end of the month. (Eagle-eyed fans might notice we've even updated some of the main character hairstyles!) Be sure to follow our official social accounts for more previews...

So It looks like WEH MC will have some new hairstyles, I know for a fact that this book SOOOO good, can’t wait to see peoples reactions to it.

Open Heart, Book 3

This February, make the most of your third year at Edenbrook and reunite with your favorite medical crew in Open Heart, Book 3! Will the heart of Edenbrook remain the same in Leland Bloom's hands?

So it looks like they are setting up the plot to have Bloom as the villain and the gang finding a way to get rid of him whilst keeping Edenbrook open. I am still wary of this book, but will see it through as I do believe it is the final book of the series.

#ChoicesCookbook

Calling all food lovers! Our team is whipping up a new dish of choices in the kitchen. Get your pots and pans ready for this exclusive Choices VIP book! We'd love to see you all participate with recipes of your own... What delectable dish can you make with these ingredients? Let us know using #playchoices and #ChoicesCookbook.

So this is a part of their branching out into new genres, I have no clue what to expect, I will keep an eye on it. and see what it’s like

Laws of Attraction

Bring your A-game to beat out the competition in this brand new title set in one of New York’s premier law firms. With high-profile cases and a hard-driving, mysterious boss, you’ll be in for dramatic days… and steamy nights!

So it looks like we are getting another book that’s potentially gonna be on the more... mature side. I am curious to see how this will play out and what the premise is going to be.

Crimes of Passion

We’re hyped for this book, and although it won’t be out until later this year, we couldn’t resist sharing a little peek at what you can expect from this thrilling, unpredictable, and jaw dropping mystery book.

So I haven’t exactly been quiet about my excitement for this book, and this image gives off some SERIOUS culty vibes. Crimes of Passion is definitely my top book for this year to keep an eye on.

The Nanny Affair, Book 2

Book 2 of The Nanny Affair is in the works and will be releasing later this year. Can't wait to find out what's going to happen next? Here's the latest hint:

"We have a lot of exciting plans in the works for The Nanny Affair, Book 2 (and trust me, the art team is outdoing themselves). We don't want to give away too much, but let's just say, you may not be the only nanny in town this time around..." - Megan

As I said before, I enjoyed book 1 and am looking forward to book 2. I am curious as to how it will all play out, by the sounds of this, maybe Sam gets another Nanny in whilst they and MC work to sort out the fallout from the wedding??

Zombies

We know plenty of you have been dying for a zombie book. (Yes, we see those tweets and messages!) Until now, we were only able to share a zombie emoji… But we can make this official: zombies will be taking over Choices later this year, so stay tuned!

So I’ve been playing a lot of Resident Evil recently, and the creatures on the right give me serious RE vibes. I am now curious as to what the premise of this book will be and how it will all play out.

The Royal Finale

As mentioned in our last Choices Insiders email, the final book of The Royal Romance series will air later this year. Here's a quote from the Book Lead to tide you over until then:

"In The Royal Finale, you'll uncover new secrets, unravel old mysteries, and experience new heights of royalty with your family!" - Olivia

I hope the “unravel old mysteries” is in part, reference to what part Jackson played in Liam’s mother’s second child. And with the whole secret society thing, who knows what’s gonna happen.

Queen B, Book 2

You just can’t get enough of us, can you, newbie? Enjoy that high of being Queen B… Because what goes up, must always come down. - Kisses, the T.

Oooh, we're excited! Writers Chelsa and Maya have sent us this cryptic message:

🤫🙈✉️👑🐝🔥❌🎧🐍💋

What do you think it means?

Emojis and I have a terrible history so I ain’t gonna try and decrypt that (leave a reply if you do). As for the book itself, I am looking forward to it, aside from the forced Kingsley romance, I enjoyed book 1. I looking forward to the mystery element and hopefully seeing Zoey get her proper LI treatment, and hopefully see Veronica & Carter become LIs.

More New Books in the works!

We are continuing to work on more multi-gender books, including Blades of Light & Shadow 2 launching 2022.

More books. Yay (in theory (depends what they are))

News about Other Sequels

Many of you have asked when or if your favorite books would continue. We want to make sure we inform the community with confirmed and finalized details regarding sequels. To explain a little more in depth about how Choices sequels are decided, our Head of Content Max took some time to give us that insight:

After a great deal of consideration and discussion, we have decided that officially these series will not be getting additional books: Most Wanted, Hero, Nightbound, the It Lives series, The Elementalists, Distant Shores, and Ride-or-Die.I know this may be disappointing to hear, and the truth is, we’re always disappointed when we have to make this decision. I’d like to share a little bit of our process to help you understand why this happens.

Whilst it is a shame, it is nice to have clarification, especially with Most Wanted & Hero. I was surprised to see that Ride or Die won’t be getting a sequel, but sometimes these things happen. As for It Lives, Distant Shores, Elementalists, and Nightbound, I knew they wouldn’t get sequels, but it is a bit of a heart punch to see some personal faves get an official status of concluded.

About once a month, I, along with a small group of Pixelberry's senior staff, make the hard decisions about which books will be written next. Deciding whether or not we make a sequel is an evolving process that we've refined over the years. But even today, it remains ever-changing, and it's never simple.

So I don’t really know what to say here, it’s rather self explanatory. So, yeah.

Sometimes, we want to do a sequel but the Lead Writer is no longer available because they’ve moved onto another project or even left the company. We've tried changing Lead Writers in the past, only to watch sequels struggle, losing sight of what made the original great. This is what happened in the case of Ride or Die; we simply don’t have the team now with the passion and vision to give fans the sequel they crave.

I saw a post by @thefirstcourtesan that OH and ROD share a book lead and after what happened to OH2, it is understandable what happens, and sometimes these things will happen. As for ROD, it works as a standalone, and I am okay with there not being a sequel.

Sometimes a book is a critical darling, beloved by both fans and Pixelberry staff... yet the player numbers aren't there to justify doing another one. This is what happened, for example, with Nightbound, Most Wanted and Distant Shores; while these books were beloved by their players, simply not enough players were starting them to begin with. And these are the ones that hurt the most. We genuinely love these books, but if they haven’t found enough of an audience with our players, then it’s very hard to argue for making a sequel. Believe me, I can't think of a single writer on my team who isn't passionate about their book, but ultimately we are one company in an extremely competitive space, and we have to do whatever it takes to keep running well. If a Book costs significantly more to make than it brought in, it’s very difficult to justify a sequel.

Again, I don’t really know what to say here, again it’s rather self explanatory. Given how long it’s been since Most Wanted, it was safe to say BK2 weren’t happening.

Other times, everyone online seems to hate a book, but the numbers disagree. It's hard to believe, but your most loathed book -- the one that you feel no way deserved a sequel -- might actually be the one that's keeping the lights on for us. And without those books (and those players!), half a dozen other beloved titles may never have existed. We're thankful for sequels. They help us fund future books and projects to try new things. If it weren’t for the success of sequels to books like The Royal Romance and America’s Most Eligible, we would never have been able to try a risky experiment like Blades of Light and Shadow.

This comes across a tiny bit boasty, but it is kinda true, their more generally released romance books are why we get the big ones such as Blades, and I know people diamond mine the quicker released books for the big ones. So, yeah, I don’t really know how to say it, sorry.

We love our online fandom, and your passion, creativity, and art. At the same time, the most visible parts of the fandom sometimes represent a smaller percentage of our players, many of whom might have completely different taste. We have a vast varied player base, and our job is to try as hard as we can to create interesting stories for all of them.

Finally, saying no to one book almost always means saying yes to something new. And without new there is no Pixelberry. When we said no to Most Wanted, much of that team went on to write Endless Summer. When we decided to stop making sequels to Rules of Engagement, that team went on to create The Royal Romance.

With every new book we create, I hope against hope that it'll be our next hit, the start of a ten-volume series that fans will love and support! Some of them are. Some of them aren't. Either way, I hope you stick with us. Sequels are great. So are new things, and I hope most of all that your true favorite Choices book is still out there, waiting to be written.

The fandom is going to make up a small section of it and at the end of the day, they are a company, so the numbers are gonna be what counts. And in saying no to a sequel, it means they can go on to experiment with new story ideas.

Looking Forward

Internally we've been working on the representation promises that we made in June 2020. We've implemented some new Black hairstyles into With Every Heartbeat, and will continue to add more new hairstyles in our upcoming books. We plan on posting a representation blog in the coming months to share a full update of our progress.

So I am curious to see how VIP players would react to updates to With Every Heartbeat, but I am glad to see representation being shown and that they are working on it.

Last but not least... We appreciate you <3

We’ve seen a rise in constructive criticism in our social channels and want to personally thank you for all of your honest feedback. We read all of your concerns and continue to evolve our thinking and processes based on your feedback. At the same time we take our responsibility of crafting stories very seriously. Sometimes we disagree with suggestions or due to constraints can’t enable changes we agree with, but we do try to improve over time and learn from your feedback.

We also continue to ask that you communicate with each other respectfully. And keep in mind that just like with other parts of the internet, just because someone posts something doesn’t mean it’s always true. To everyone who helps keep our community a safe place to freely share your thoughts, opinions and love - thank you. Your respect and kindness goes a long way, and we are looking forward to spending more time with all of you in the coming year.

We’re looking forward to a great 2021 with you!

Finally, I’m glad that they’re reading what people are saying, it is understandable that there will be disagreements with suggestions, that’s just life, it’s human nature. I am curious to see what will be released in the coming year and how they will play out.

In summary

I had a feeling that books they said won’t get sequels weren’t, especially Hero and Most Wanted. It is sad to see that It Lives won’t be concluded, and I knew Nightbound & Distant Shores weren’t going to get sequels (unfortunately).

Glad to see them making more multi gender books, hopefully we will get more like Foreign Affairs with the different pro-noun options.

I am curious about Laws of Attraction and very much looking forward to seeing how Crimes of Passion will play out. I will post my thoughts and theories as we get new information

Stay safe everyone :)

#playchoices #thoughts and theories #very long post

10 notes · View notes

here4theheartbreak · 4 years

Text

Found My Place Chapter 1: Secret

AO3 Link Here!

Relationships: main YoonJin, side VMin (mentioned) Rating: Explicit

Genres: angst, smut Tags (for entire fic): idol AU (canonverse), transgender character, transgender Seokjin, FTM Seokjin, transphobia, pre-debut, misgendering, bisexual Yoongi, supportive Yoongi, discussion of gender confirming surgeries and HRT, virgin Seokjin, sex anxiety, first time, vaginal sex, anal sex, oral sex, generic and scientific terms for female bodied genitals, squirting, barebacking, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, angst with a happy ending

Summary: Jin has a secret that could ruin BTS before they even had a chance to debut. To make matters worse (and better) Yoongi is determined to pursue him to the ends of the earth. Is balancing his secrets and his life possible, or will it all come toppling down around him?

Chapter Word Count: ~3.2k

“Hey, do you wanna go grab dinner tonight? My treat.” Yoongi’s voice was soft. Jin glanced up from his phone. Yoongi was chewing his bottom lip, looking far more timid than usual.

“Something wrong?” Jin worried.

“No. Just. Hm.” Yoongi frowned a little, his brows furrowed. He settled onto the floor across from Jin and put his arms around his knees. The dorm was surprisingly quiet, a rarity with seven boys living in a confined space.

“You look like something’s up.”

“Do you like me, Jin-hyung?”

“What? Of course.” Jin smiled a little. “Why would you think I don’t?”

“Not as a friend. But more.”

Jin hesitated, tilting his head a little. The question sent painful daggers of anxiety straight to his stomach. “What’s bringing this on, Yoongi?”

Yoongi huffed, scrubbing his hands through his hair and ruffling it. Jin bit back the chuckle at its messy state, reaching out and flattening it. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t get it. You’re… So damn perfect,” Yoongi mumbled. “I’m not good talking about this shit.”

“You can tell me anything.” Jin touched his arm instinctively, offering a small smile.

“I want to kiss you,” Yoongi blurted, biting his lips immediately after and diverting his eyes. “I want… I mean I want to date you. We’ve shared a space for a while now and some days I feel like you feel the same way. But then other days you seem so weirdly standoffish and I get confused. And I know you don’t want to risk the group but… Jimin and Tae are dating and we’re all fine with that.”

Jin sighed softly. “Yoongi,” he said softly.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Give me that pitiful sounding voice. I misunderstood, didn’t I?” Yoongi curled in on himself a little more, his shoulders sagging in.

“I’m not pitying you. I do like you, Yoongi.”

“Then why when I ask…” Yoongi shrugged.

“Because things are more complicated for me than they are for Jimin or Tae. You don’t need that stress.”

“Why do you get to decide if I need it?” Yoongi asked, perking up a little. “I’m an adult too. If you were here I’d be the eldest of the group. I’m not some child for you to baby like the maknaes.”

“No, of course not.” Jin sighed, wanting more than anything to fix this. “But this isn’t something simple. It’s not like dating in secret or being gay in our industry. This is bigger.”

“What is it, hyung?”

“I can’t.”

Yoongi’s injured expression shifted to anger. “Why not? Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you.”

“Then why can’t you just tell me? What’s stopping you from dating me? From telling me the truth? You talk big about taking care of us but you keep secrets!” He snapped.

Jin winced. “Don’t yell, please.”

“I’m not.” Yoongi huffed and rose from the floor. “Forget about it.”

“Yoongi—”

“No. You can talk to me when you’re ready. Or don’t. Forget I said anything.” He stormed out, slamming the door loud enough that Jin winced.

Jin dropped his face into his hands, groaning softly. He really did like Yoongi. They’d been flirting on and off since he moved into the dorm with them. Yoongi was so different than him, but a perfect complement. He’d spent more time than he’d like to admit daydreaming about how Yoongi’s mouth would feel, how nice it would be to hold his hands non-platonically, to cuddle with him while they all watched a movie. He was mildly envious when Jimin and Taehyung admitted they wanted to begin dating – He’d have given anything to be able to ask Yoongi out. But it was too scary. And too dangerous. The secret that Jin held so close to himself was one that could wreck them before they even debuted.

***

Nearly two weeks passed without incident after their argument. Though Jin tried his best to refrain from flirting with Yoongi – and Yoongi seemed to be doing the same – there was no bad blood between the two. Between choreography practice, vocal lessons, and recordings, bad blood would have been difficult to hold anyway.

The group was just finishing up their choreography practice for the day when the door opened. Their manager entered, looking stern.

“Jin. CEO needs to see you.”

Jin felt his heart leap into his throat. He bowed regardless. “I’ll be right in, let me clean myself up.”

“He said now.” The manager motioned toward the door, making no move to leave before Jin followed. Jin could feel the eyes of every other member on him as he made his way to the door, struggling to regulate his breathing both from dancing and from fear.

The walk up to the CEO’s office had never felt longer. A thousand possibilities raced through Jin’s mind. Was he going to be let go? Told not to debut? Did something happen to a family member? Did someone outside the company find out… The final one was the worst thought. And it was the one that stuck with Jin even as he stood outside the door.

“Get in here, please,” Bang called.

Jin entered, bowing as low as he could manage remaining upright. “Good afternoon, sir.”

“Here.” Bang held out a small stack of paper. “I’ll cut to the chase. We lined up a surgeon for you.”

Jin’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t help the smile that tweaked the edges of his mouth up. “Really?”

“Mm. You’ll leave tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow? That’s so soon.” Jin said, taking the papers from Bang.

“We need it done soon. He informed us you could take a few months to recover and we can’t afford that. We want the group to debut in under six months time and I won’t have it held up because of your surgery. You need it done immediately and you will start working out as soon as you’re able.”

“Of course.” Jin bowed. “What do I tell the others?”

“Family emergency. Break. Injury. Don’t care. You’ll need two weeks at least, maybe an additional two if you heal slow.”

Jin nodded. “Thank you. Family emergency sounds the safest.”

Bang waved his hand, signaling the end of the conversation. Jin bowed once more and hurried out, heading toward the changing room.

He peeked in, checking to make sure the other members weren’t in yet. Coast was clear. He headed to the locker he’d shoved his things into and put the papers into his backpack before stripping out of his shirt. Another nervous glance around. He hated the expectation to change in a group. It had made him nervous in school and now made him nervous for entirely different reasons.

The room seemed to still be empty, so Jin undid the tie on his pants and let them drop, sitting down to remove his sneakers and the sweats. He tugged off his binder, drawing in a deep breath as the pressure on his ribs relaxed. Two weeks off or not – he would be relieved to not have to try and exercise normally in one of those again. He glanced down in disdain at his chest. Even after fifteen odd years, he still found looking at himself without the binder disturbing and painful. That would be over soon. He smiled softly at the idea and reached for his clean binder, hidden in his backpack.

A soft gasp broke the silence in the changing room. Jin’s throat closed in a panic and he grabbed his shirt, slamming it over his chest as he looked around wildly. “Who’s there?” He called softly, pulse pounding in his ears. There was a soft rustle and Yoongi stepped from around the lockers, his eyes diverted. He laced his fingers together in front of him, looking sheepish.

“Just me.”

“Were you spying on me?” Jin spat, squeezing his arms even tighter over his chest.

“I wasn’t meaning to.”

“Get out!” Jin’s voice broke. “Don’t mention this to anyone!” He turned his back to Yoongi, struggling to tug the clean binder over his head. His heart was pounding and his nose burned as frightened tears threatened to fall. He was ruined. The group would find out, and then Bang would find out that they knew and they might never debut. It would wreck their lives and it’d be all his fault.

Jin blinked away the tears, fixing the binder. He turned back around, surprised to see Yoongi still there, now looking politely at the floor. “I told you to go away,” Jin croaked.

“Is this your secret, hyung?” Yoongi whispered, looking up carefully. Seeing that Jin was covered, he looked up fully.

Jin remained silent, chewing his inner cheek. He felt his entire face burning, his vision blurring with tears. “Please,” he finally whispered.

“Hyung—”

“Stop it,” Jin muttered, turning to face his locker. He sniffled. “You know I’m not.”

“Not what?” Yoongi stepped forward. “You’re Jin-hyung. You’re the eldest of Bangtan, aren’t you? Shoulders gangster and best cook in the dorm. The big brother.”

Jin broke, whimpering softly at the tears slid down his cheeks. “He won’t let us debut if anyone knows. Please… Forget you saw this.”

Yoongi reached out for Jin. He flinched away instinctively, and Yoongi winced. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Jin wiped his nose angrily and grabbed his clean shirt, yanking it over his head. He dug around for his jeans.

“What surgery was he talking about?”

Jin hesitated, glancing over at Yoongi. “You were spying.”

“I was worried,” Yoongi admitted. “You looked so scared leaving the room… I told the guys I was gonna see what was going on. I was going to call out to you after but you hurried in here so fast looking like you were scared. I wanted to see what was wrong. I see now—”

“That I’m a fucking girl?” Jin snapped.

Yoongi blinked. “I see that you aren’t shaped like a boy, sure… But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a girl, right? You’ve gone this whole time as our brother…”

“I’m trans.” Jin mumbled the word as soft as he could, shame coloring his features further. Yoongi nodded.

“I figured. The company knew? When they hired you?”

Jin nodded. “Turn around,” he said. When Yoongi tilted his head in confusion, Jin held up his clean boxers and jeans. “I’m sweaty and gross. Let me change. I won’t run away.”

“Right. I’ll change too.” Yoongi went to his own locker a few feet down, busying himself with digging out clothes. Jin changed out of his sweaty boxers and into his clean clothes as quickly as he could. He was surprised to see Yoongi changing as normal, not bothering to hide his body as he tugged on his clean items.

“Yeah, the company knew,” Jin finally mumbled. Yoongi fixed his jeans and sat down, pulling his sneakers back on.

“That’s what you meant when I asked you to date me. About it being bigger.”

Jin nodded. “Aren’t you glad you dodged that bullet?”

Yoongi looked over, confusion coloring his features. He tilted his head. “Dodged… What bullet?”

“Me. I mean, if you’d kept pursuing me. Finding out I’m…”

“What?” Yoongi rose, approaching Jin slowly. “You think I like you less because you’re trans?”

Jin shrugged. “Probably. You pursued me to date a guy.”

“I pursued you to date you, idiot. If you said this very second you wanted that date I’d make plans for dinner tonight. You really think I’m that shallow?”

“No, I just—” Jin shrugged. “I’m a freak.”

“You’re not a freak. I’m sorry you feel that way… I’m sure we haven’t done a great job of making you feel less like one either.”

“You guys aren’t at fault.”

“You should have felt comfortable telling us the truth. Like we’d have your back.”

Jin shook his head. “It’s in my contract. I can’t tell any of you. We could lose our shot of debut if I did.”

“That’s fucked. This is a vital part of you. Even if we had to hide it from the public, this is you, hyung! Why couldn’t you tell us?”

“Come on. A girl living with six boys? Even if the public didn’t find out, think of how it might seem.”

“But you’re not. You’re just another boy. Who cares if you don’t have a dick?” Yoongi paused. “I mean—You… Don’t?”

Jin shook his head, hanging it. “No. Still girl parts.”

“That was the surgery Bang was talking about?”

“Top surgery. To reform my chest. I can’t debut wearing a binder, fans would notice.”

“And the shirt lifts, yeah… I get it.” Yoongi sighed softly. “I don’t like that they told you to hide something so important from us… But I won’t tell anyone. Not until you’re ready to.” Yoongi reached out and grabbed Jin’s hand. “Then I’ll stand with you when you do.”

Jin closed his eyes, fighting back tears once more – This time ones of relief. “Yoongi—”

“Hey, hyung…” Yoongi smiled when Jin opened his eyes. “Don’t be scared. You’re a part of our group, okay? You’re our eldest. We’ll never let you fall.”

Jin drew in a shaky breath, his face twisting a little as he struggled not to sob. He went forward, hugging Yoongi tightly.

Yoongi gasped and Jin pulled back, embarrassed. He instinctively crossed his arms over his chest. “Sorry. I know that’s… Probably different now. Knowing… Thanks anyway.” Jin turned, shoving his clothes into his backpack. It was his turn to tense when Yoongi snaked his arms around his middle, hugging his back.

“It’s not different. I just wasn’t expecting it. Don’t be different around me just because I know, hyung. That would break my heart.”

Jin turned, still in the circle of Yoongi’s arms. He looked down at him. Yoongi smiled crookedly.

“I wasn’t lying before… I do like you. I just know someone like me has so much baggage… That’s so much to handle.”

“What is?” Yoongi shrugged, still not letting go. “I’ll keep your secret whether you were dating me or not. I might fuck up. I’ve never had a friend who’s trans, so I might make mistakes. And I want you to correct me if I say something insensitive. But it doesn’t change anything. And it’s not too much baggage. So, if that’s the only thing keeping this from becoming something more… Please don’t let it. I’ll be waiting for you if you want me.”

Jin nodded. “I can’t… Not… Not with so much coming up. Please just… Give me a while to think?”

“Always.” Yoongi squeezed his middle. “So, are you really leaving tomorrow?”

Jin nodded. “The travel plans and stuff are what they gave me today.”

“You’ll text me, right? Tell me when you’re going under and how it went?”

“I—”

“What’s the good in having a friend who knows if can’t share? And selfishly…” Yoongi shrugged, letting go of Jin. “I’m scared for you.”

“It’s a pretty simple procedure. And I don’t have a huge chest, so it should be pretty successful.”

“Will you change with us? After? The guys do notice… That you never share showers or change with us like everyone else.”

“Does it bother them? What do they think?” Jin worried.

“They don’t know. We figured maybe you had scars or something ugly, something you’re ashamed of.”

“Well… They’re not wrong, but… Not exactly scars.”

“Still.” Yoongi rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry you’ve gone through this alone this whole time, Jin-hyung. I wish I could have helped.”

“You guys are always helping. You make me feel good about myself.”

Yoongi sat on the bench. “So the company… They knew you were trans right away?”

“Not right away. When they scouted me I was already transitioning and passing. I confessed right away but they liked my look enough to give me a shot. I knew it would be harder and there were stipulations. No coming out, no telling a soul, even my parents are required to have non-disclosure agreements.”

“What about after debut? Won’t kids recognize you from school?”

“Not many. I’ve been wildly fortunate enough to have parents that really supported me, even transitioning. They moved my schools once I changed my name and started my hormones. So almost anyone that knows me knows me as a boy. I never dated and no one ever saw my body. My dead name was fully different. I’m sure if people dug hard enough they could find it, but I’m not worried.”

“You’ve never dated? You’re a virgin?”

Jin shrugged. “What? Did you think my arrogance was real?” He chuckled. “Yeah, I’ve… I mean I’m disgusting. And gay. Who would want to date me? No gay guy in his right mind wants a boy with a vagina.”

“That’s stupid,” Yoongi argued. “Anyone who cares more about that than you as a person isn’t worth your time. They should be dating you for you, not for a dick.”

Jin shrugged. “Either way. I got signed on as a boy, with the agreement to keep silent about what was under my clothes. The company has gone to great lengths to keep it a secret.”

“The surgery…”

“Out of country. I’m flying to Japan for it.”

“I wish I could come with you. You’ll be all alone…” “I’ll be okay.”

“Jin-hyung—” The door opened and the remaining five members poured in, laughing and being generally noisy. Jin smiled and shrugged at Yoongi.

“What the hell was that about?” Namjoon asked as soon as he spotted Jin.

“Nothing serious. I have to leave for a few weeks. Emergency.”

“When are you going?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“But what about practice?” Jungkook worried, peeking over Namjoon’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I’ll still practice,” Jin teased, shoving Jungkook’s head playfully.

“Good, you need it,” Jimin teased.

Jin glared and threw his sweats at Jimin’s head across the room. “Hey! Be respectful. I feed you.”

Jimin cackled and threw them back at Jin, turning to change. Yoongi rose again, setting a hand on Jin’s lower back. Their gazes met and Jin smiled softly, nodding once. He turned back to Namjoon.

“It shouldn’t be too long. Two weeks, three at most. I’ll keep you updated, and I’m sure the company will too.”

“Okay, sounds good. It’s not too serious, is it?”

“No, not at all,” Jin said, smiling brightly. “Just something that needs to get done before we debut. No time after.”

“Sure. Of course. Let us know when you leave?”

“It’s early, like five. You’ll all still be sleeping, I’m sure.”

“Can I come with you to the airport?” Yoongi asked softly.

“I—” Jin hesitated. “I’d be okay with that, but you have to ask our manager.”

Yoongi nodded. “I’ll do that.”

“Let’s go get dinner, I’m starving,” Taehyung whined. Jimin leaned on him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“You’re always starving.”

“True. I’m a growing boy!”

“You’re a fluffy boy,” Hoseok joked, poking him in the tummy. Taehyung batted at him, laughing. They gathered up their bags and headed out in a group, loud as the majority talked over one another on the way to their van. Jin hung back, watching his group with a soft smile. Even with his secret, staying quiet, this was his family. He wanted only the best for them. No matter what. Yoongi turned, meeting Jin’s gaze. He smiled broadly at Jin, falling back a little to walk with him.

“We’ve got your back, hyung.”

“Thank you,” Jin whispered. He knew there might be some hurt feelings, and some confusion if he were to come out to the group as a whole, and he was sure not everyone may be immediately okay with a trans member. But the sentiment was there, and that was what mattered to him.

37 notes · View notes