#theme: to tell a story is to re-open a wound

[lucidloving]

Richard Siken, "The Torn-up Road" // Lora Mathis, "If There's A Way Out I'll Take It"

[hexedwinchester]

Early seasons of SPN are superior

so I'm re-watching Supernatural (I'm always re-watching SPN, don't mind me) and I realised why the early seasons are so freakin good whereas the laters ones are a complete mess...

Horror was the core theme of Supernatural (yes, I'm not discarding the brothers' drama, I'll get to it in a minute). These beautiful scare tactics that they employed were amazing: the crib mobile toy rotating, shadows moving out of the corner of the eyes, toys going off, subtle bloody Mary reflections in the mirror, creepy skulls dug from the ground, the ghosts flickering. Hell yea they nailed 'Scary just got sexy' with these.

Don't get me started on the background music. Whimsical music crescendo, building up the anticipation. The rock music blaring through the Impala. What happened to the cool ass music in the later seasons? They just played this weird, sad tune like someone's blowing raspberries to show grief and that's it!

Monster of the week theme and the lores/legends in early seasons were much, much better than S12's Foundry or the later season episode with bizarre tentacle porn thingy (you know which one I'm talking about). It just didn't feel the same. The stories were poorly written and even more poorly executed.

Early seasons used to be purely about Sam and Dean (as it should have been throughout) Them against the world, heaven and hell. No dumbass angel lurking in the background like a pathetic third wheel. No king of hell bitching about his sad childhood for two whole seasons. No Soccer mom half assing their way into hunting.

Foreshadowing was done so beautifully! Everytime I re-watch the early seasons I find a few bits that connects to something that happened initially in say S1-2. The parallels are done beautifully and writing is good, and I mean 'I wanna use this quote as a wallpaper' good.

The struggle for the boys was real. They had to do their own research, save their own asses, stitch their wounds, pop their dislocated shoulders back in the place. Later seasons? Bunker has answer to everything, angel healing wounds with a flash of light, Lucifer bringing Sam back from the dead without asking for anything (and no, taking him to Jack is not a good enough bargain), Jack healing wounds or whatever. Where is the damn struggle?! Where is the hero's journey?!

I miss the beautiful, colourful motel rooms that had its own personality. I HATE the bunker (yes I know a lot of people love it because Dean has a good shower, they have a home etc, etc) but no! Bunker is lame and boring and monotonous. There isn't a single thing I like about it. Gimme back my motel rooms with the sunburst mirror!

Story arc or lack thereof from S12 onwards. The main plot just got duller and duller from S12 onward and it felt like the writers got lazy and stopped putting efforts. There was no build up and the plot felt forced. The main arcs didn't feel exciting enough. BMoL and Kelly's pregnancy: the who and why? Jack: predictable. Other Micheal and Micheal Dean: meh, next! God as the big bad: interesting but I don't think they have it in them to execute this correctly.

Irrelevant/Unnecessary characters and their mini plots. S1-5 focuses purely on the brothers and that's what I'm here. I don't care how and why an idiot angel opened purgatory. It sounded more like a dull spin off plot than main story arc. I don't care about prophets and their lives (yeah Kevin is in Advance Placement, what am I to do with that?). I don't care about the different angel garrisons at war (again a plot for a lame spin off). I don't care about Crowley, his son or his relationship with Rowena. Tell me how this affects the boys. If it doesn't, please let's move on. Whatever was going on with Cole Trenton was pointless. I don't care about Mary and her hunting escapades with BMoL. I don't care about Kelly's pregnancy. The multi-universe and all characters they vomited back in the show with this. Not needed! Let Charlie, Gabriel and Bobby's memory rest in peace. Nick's killer storyline and wayward sisters. Enough said. Empty and the deal with Cas and Meg 2.0? Boring! Billy playing the bad cop, the whole death's library? Poorly executed and it turned into a bowl of cold spaghetti. In the end, the focus moved from the boys to useless characters and mini plots. Fuck that! Supernatural is about Sam and Dean and that's about it.

The direction. Later seasons lack the beauty of scenic shots of the landscape, close on up the boys' faces, the lights hitting their faces to show their beauty. Camera angles and slow panning shots. I miss the beauty that were the early seasons.

[firespirited]

NOPE 2022. Review with spoilers under the read more

Nope didn't quite work as horror for me but was a decent action flick, I'd have enjoyed the experience better if it wasn't under "sci fi" and "horror": spent the time expecting something else instead of properly being in the moment - I was tired, had specific ideas about what might happen, then immediately wanted a rewatch because I'd missed the good stuff looking for other stuff (will do that rewatch as soon as possible)

It didn't work (as sci fi horror) partly because I'm a know-it-all/super nerd who gets all the sci-fi references and knows all the tropes and partly because Peele really doesn't do subtle.

Entertainment chimp chaos + ufo + horse wranglers = space chimp chaos, it was clearly a people and horse eating creature from jump so no build up there. I'm totally used to aliens being either creature based or beyond our understanding.

// or that wonderful balance in between that films like Arrival and Annihilation (or Evangelion) found where there's a logic but it's larger than we are, we're space dogs compared to their space humans.

That's my jam. The existential horror/wonder of encountering something advanced enough we can interact but to understand it? That's beyond us: might blow our minds or change us forever or leave us without answers because we're just not good enough. Yeah. Tangeant over lol //

- The second very specific thing is the sound of screams. I have trouble telling the difference between good and bad ones, I have had dissociative freezes at fairs and theme parks looking at people clearly enjoying themselves. For some reason that I cannot rewire or logic away, my brain assumes 1 of the people on the ride must be in genuine distress. Occasionally it happens with playground screams too. It's something I've had to work on as I lived close enough to hear fairgrounds every summer from age 15 - 30. I've heard them on the wind in july here for ten years. I cope well nowadays, a brief shudder then it's fine.

Anyway, Nope also didn't work as horror for me for two very specific personal reasons:

-the first that I won't really expand on here is trauma turned into a good story: dealing with something bad (and also very much NOT dealing with it) by having a good story to tell. The fact that this story dropped that into the narrative then didn't follow up meant that I briefly thought there might be something to break my heart in two... but that wasn't the point being made, the point clearly was a childhood exploitation turning into a pattern of exploiting everything.

// If you know of stories about trauma turned into a story to avoid confronting it directly or giving a good end send me reccs I'm ready to pick at that wound (okay okay maybe not 'I May Destroy You' final episode levels of ready, Michaela Coel is too powerful). //

So I was looking for that and it didn't happen.

So I knew exactly what the opening sound was, what the faint sound in the wind was. So the only reveal was that it wasn't mimicry or psychological tactics by the alien (i was still in the mode of thinking of various sci fi beings who used/enjoyed fear instead of just a wild creature. I was primed to puzzle solve and there's no puzzle just layers of meaning).

But I did love OJ the cowboy hero and his sister Em on the motorbike. They had very believable sibling energy despite one of them being in a deep funk at the start. And yeah the Akira bike slide was awesome. I really liked the alien design, starting with something we think we know but actually more of a sand dollar then popping into the jellyfish form but with the non-organic, not quite working within our physics square.

If it's an action film, it takes its time to really start which is why I was stuck on slowburn dread sci-fi mode for so long but that could be western film pacing. I honestly have no understanding or knowledge whatsoever of westerns: the whole genre stank as ahistorical attempts at myth making.

// It's one of the reasons I don't watch war films, often about myth making, post hoc justifications, glamorising a life of 95% boredom 5% hell. //

But yeah my expectations were a little too high: it hit me way too late that it was a 1:1 chimp metaphor not a more vague tampering with something we can't control and really thought the creature would be playing with fear or have somehow been formed by fear (like the boar in Annihilation having taken on its victims traits).

Also suffered from way too dark syndrome. I loved the well lit final action, if it'd been well lit during the creature choking over the house scene that would have been so much cooler. I have a low tolerance for ooh it goes bump in the dark for half the movie, I'm just squinting and cursing you for padding the film with anything but character moments in the aftermath or in dread that would make the human impact feel more real.

Solid action flick: We need dashing Daniel Kaluuya on a horse in more films. Keke Palmer is a scene stealer I look forward to seeing more of her. I liked the emo tech guy. Film dude was wack without being funny. Why did they give him so much screen time? Steven Yeun does what he can with what little he had. I would have liked to have lingered a little longer on his conflicting relationship to fame.

My review? No yet rated. Gonna rewatch it as an action flick in the dark and enjoy it for what it is. Something tells me it's very rewatchable! And... I need to stop making assumptions based on genre expectations.

[krispdreemurr]

theories that I've posted scattered around this blog but haven't really put into a master post or anything, collated bc I'm bored and want ppl to talk to me abt them or something. im very prepared for none of this to be canon but there's elements I expect to at least be themes or something

-deltarune is a reset timeline. we were not directly present in the original, but maybe were indirectly present.

-basically I think the angel/the player is at least seen as like... imposing narrative and drama and Plot onto a world. demanding to see and know and have their heartstrings tugged and everything else a reader wants from a story. just as the dark worlds exist to provide compact stories for the lightners, so the light world exists for the angels to watch, etc

-in the original timeline, Dess died.

-gaster and kris met in the aftermath of this, in the bunker. at the time, gaster was a normal-ish darkner who had gotten a glimpse of the light and heaven beyond. he argued to Kris that Dess died to sate the angel's needs, to make a fitting story for Noelle and so on, and convinced them to help him in bringing the roaring and taking down the angel

-so yeah they were the knight. they at least knew some of the secret bosses and worked in uneasy concert w them before they all got too fucked up. meanwhile they met Susie, rekindled friendship w Noelle, etc etc etc

-over time they started thinking more that like. hey everyone pursuing ending heaven is like wildly unhappy and meanwhile I'm making friends and moving on and if like there's some intangible entity demanding a story from me like... how do i even... tell that's happening...

-(it wasn't that they were 100% comfortable ever to be clear it's just more the balance of "live a life with my friends and loved ones" vs "end the world and probably hurt or even kill a lot of people" shifted)

-so when it came time to open the last fountain, within the dark world, they hesitated.

-gaster took their blade from them and tried to open it himself - but he was a darkner, and the world was so fragile, and the wound he cut lead to nothing, nothing after nothing pouring out, and he fell into his own creation

-kris was badly wounded in the chaos and made it back to their light world room before collapsing, leaving a stain that wouldn't fade and the echoes of Susie's pleas.

-the world ceased to exist.

-gaster, in the nothing, was able to poorly patch together the world, but not quite as it was. he was not present in it, and those he spoke to talked to shadows, to garbage noise on the phone, to empty rooms.

-he was not able to entirely spare Dess, her fate already written, but he was able to... hide her. she vanished, instead of dying. she is still being hidden while he waits until after the story has concluded

-he spent some time testing methods of influence, ways to guide and design and use a human soul (leading to strange hazy nights for Kris)...

-and with lures and bait and promises of a world to make their own, he connected the angel itself to the world, trapping a piece of them there. this was both to use to re-steer the narrative according to His designs and also kind of out of spite.

-his original plan was to leave Kris out of it, making them a minor character temporarily while the vessel took their role. Someone Strongly Disapproved lmao and so we ended up w the current situation

-this time, if gaster has his way, they won't have the choice to hesitate, and the angel's heaven will be banished.

[satancopilotsmytardis]

I don't think you've had a headcannon so far that I haven't also shared and it's great. Honestly I'd love to hear anything about your headcannons and/or reasonings behind your Shigadabi and (Shigadabihawks) relationships. And also Duster is the superior nickname and I can't remember were I first saw it either.. huh... I'd just like to let you know I still haven't gotten the dog teeth series off my mind so I've been re-reading everything you've written (in bnha, I still haven't finished all your gravity falls fics I'm getting there tho), I've gotten stuck on your talk to me series as it's probably my favourite at the moment but I can't figure out why? It's just so feely? So if your open to it, sharing anything about those particular fics or I dead would be greatly appreciated. Also every time I read or re-read another one of your fics it seems to become my favourite, your writing is just so compelling :)

Howdy, so! Thank you for the kind words on my writing overall, but I'm about to show my whole ass because I'm gonna be really, really honest over both Talk To Me and Dog Teeth. We're gonna start with Talk To Me and Dog Teeth will have a little aside for triggering content before I get into that one later on!

Talk To Me was entirely written because I wasn't satisfied with the amount of Shigaraki's dirty talk in Say Something Nice. Like my main goal with Say Something Nice was to play with praise kink and dirty talk and while that piece was fine, I didn't feel like I pushed it far enough. So A Way With Words was created in response and I just pushed those themes harder.

As for them being 'feely' I think that just comes from the fact that my writing focuses a lot on introspection. Like for pieces that don't have a strong external conflict, which a lot of my smut centered fics don't, the conflict in the story needs to come from somewhere internal. Since I'm playing in a sandbox with established characters it then becomes a matter of looking at their personalities and then picking what to heighten or what would clash with the world/desires of the other characters around them that would push the plot forward. In A Way With Words specifically I heightened Dabi's desire to not get too involved with the rest of the League. This creates an emotional conflict on two fronts. The first is that Shigaraki obviously and actively wants to be involved with Dabi and is seeking him out. But it also creates a secondary conflict internally with Dabi who wants attention and connection very badly, but has been denied it by himself and others for years. This is why I can even tell the story at all because obviously if he was just like 'yeah let's bone' from the start then there wouldn't really be anything but the smut to write, and I personally don't think that's as satisfying. I think that when stories use internal conflict as the backbone of the plot, that puts a lot of emphasis on the inner world and emotions of the character(s) and that may be why it's more noticeable in the stories where I use that as a major form of conflict. (Spoiler, if you've noticed this tone across almost all of my writing, it's because I almost always include an internal conflict and give it significant weight in the story even if there is an external one happening too.)

Internal conflict is actually also the reason that this went from a one-shot to a duology. I really wrote A Way With Words not intending to do anything else with that world but after it sat with me for a little while I realized that while Dabi and Shigaraki were together, Dabi's internal conflict still hadn't fully resolved. He was still struggling to accept the depth of emotional intimacy that Shigaraki clearly had been broadcasting, and there was opportunity to show his struggles to be emotionally honest with himself about any kind of positive emotion. Hence him throughout that entire fic trying to 'protect' Shigaraki by tearing open a wound from his past and starting a frankly unneeded and kind of ridiculous investigation for months rather than just have a conversation about his feelings. This man does not know how to express himself without doing The Most and this was such a fun idea to add into play to go with the threads still hanging from the first part, this fic earned itself an unintended sequel.

Now we're gonna talk Dog Teeth and I probably won't be going in depth about all of these elements but please be aware that this series contains explicit sexual assault, physical/psychological torture, graphic descriptions of violence, and abusive relationships, so if you want to dip on this post here, then that's completely valid and please take care of yourself!

This series was really just born of "What if I wrote something really fucked up?" That was the main thought. I really emphasize consent and communication in my fics, what would it look like if I did the opposite? From there I just kind of busted out some psychology stuff like specifically how cults indoctrinate people and started to formulate how that would look if applied to my favorite son, Dabi. Then I just wanted to make sure I was keeping an internal logic so that nothing in the story was included for the sake of shock value or anything like that. Like throughout the story there are several explicit scenes of sexual assault, each one established a significant setup or had a payoff that was foreshadowed by earlier scenes. The very first establishes that assault will be a consistent threat and violence inflicted on him, and there are quite a few times Dabi mentions being 'used' that the readers don't see because I didn't feel the need to retread scenes like that which didn't actively contribute to the plot. I found it very interesting to play with the idea of what it would take to tear down someone's sense of identity in All Over Me, and in A Matter of Perspective it was very fun to explore how the abuse was being hidden as well as show that everything done throughout the first story was an active, methodical, and deliberate manipulation by Shigaraki-- even if the final results were 'better' than he'd expected.

In my opinion Dog Teeth is definitely one of the tightest series I've written and while it has some very uncomfortable content, it's definitely in my top three of things I've written.

Phew, okay, that was so long, sorry! I mean, you read my fics, you know I'm horribly verbose, but that was more talking than I'd planned on, whoops. Hope this was? Interesting? Informative? I have no idea, but I hope you got something out of this!

[frozenwolftemplar]

🌈for the ask game?

Lol, every partially-finished thing still languishing in my drafts 😅

Seriously though, looking at the fics I've posted, that one's a little tricky to answer. The first one that comes to mind is my Carmen Sandiego fic '3 A.M.,' where I had to fight tooth and nail for pretty much every word, but I literally wrote that in the endnote for the final chapter, so everyone knows it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thinking harder about it, two more come to mind. First, 'Memorable.' (the one with Cass and the lighthouse). I don't often write multi-chaps, so pacing and plotting and just writing something of that length is something I find difficult on a good day. The fact that most of that fic was written through a pretty bad case of post-covid brain fog and fatigue, i.e. a series of not good days, made it all the harder.

The second one would be Koll Island: Insanity. That fic is based on an AU PocketProtector created (I highly recommend any and all her 'Tangled' fics, especially 'Decay'), where the Moonstone drives Cass insane and her and Cap live on a tropical island now (there's more to it than that, but that's the gist). On top of wanting to make sure it honored Pocket's vision for the AU, the story I wound up telling dealt with some pretty heavy themes of Cap coming to terms with his and Cass's new situation and accepting that new normal. I knew where Cap needed to go, mentally, and wanted to make sure I conveyed it in a way that really communicated the change he goes through; it wound up being harder than I anticipated (really happy with the result, though!).

For some more isolated themes or scenes I struggled with:

-the opening scene of 'Once Upon a December;' I was so anxious for that fic to live up to the idea in my head that I gave myself writer paralysis and re-wrote it three or four times.

-Cass's worries about her future that make up the second half of 'Burned but not Broken.' I had (and still have) so many thoughts and feelings about Cass's Burned Arm, organizing them all into something coherent while still making sure the fic clipped along at a nice pace was quite the challenge.

-Chapter 13 of 'The First Night.' It just would not come together for reasons that I still can't figure out.

Thanks so much for the ask! This was fun!

[defenestratte]

Was listening to the everything everything discography on shuffle (i have spotify poor only ok sorry) and Bad Friday came on right after Violent Sun and it felt like a revelation??? Because ok. Re-Animator ends with Violent Sun, and then Bad Friday is the first new music we hear from EE after that, and I wonder what story that tells??? I feel like a lot of people were drawing parallels on fb when this happened also...

Thematically both songs are similar - something about a relationship taking you out of reality, and while on one hand, violent sun feels a whole lot more positive than bad friday - "and she's saying you don't have to be a lunatic or an error or a prisoner of your terror" - there's violent imagery in both of them.

VS: obviously the violent sun, the violent arms, "the flesh in the machinery jams" - a fairly visceral image (but also i wonder if u could ponder cough cough's cog next to a cog next to a pit???? Someone should do webweaving for machinery imagery), "they come to take away the rest of our hands" - removing part of your body is quite violent? But also maybe the removal of agency....

In BF, the violence feels less abstract and more ominous... "looking for me"/"coming for me"/"hunting me down" vs "running for my life"... and "bust me out of my head" both as a literal statement of a wound but also the sense of becoming unconscious or unknowing - you're no longer you when you don't know what you're doing... and of course the "blood all over me!"

And theres this concept of not being able to put your finger on it -some vagueness in VS's explicit statement of "and you realise you don't know how long", and the almost slurring imagery in listed items: "dreams and the colour and the moment" "and the tears and the venom and the plasma". In BF, there's the repetition of "I could not remember in the morning" "I'm wondering" "I can't remember", "You must have" (where it's more of a guess than a statement), the lack of surety of whether it was a Friday or a Saturday night and the fact that the speaker keeps asking questions...

Also the key-est parallel in 'you know this will be gone in the morning' vs 'i could not remember in the morning'?? One feels like youre still in a dream and havent realised whether its bad or good yet (the fact that at the end of the day despite the tender imagery of her taking [you] into her arms, they're still 'violent'), and the other really feels like youre waking up from a (potentially lived) nightmare...

I guess these songs are so interesting to look at in parallel because they have pretty similar imagery but are executed in such different ways - i think the sonic choices have a lot to do with it but i do not have the expertise in analysing music to bring that into the argument. (Somehow they're sister songs to me - there's something about the driving rhythms and the feeling that you're running (toward? Away??) from something) and also the fact that theyre on the poppier side of ee's discography???)

Violent Sun closes off an album that deals with feeling in a more abstract sense with so much monster imagery - making it feel a whole lot more fantastical. Bad Friday, while not the album opener, does bring us into the world of Raw Data Feel - one where personal/interpersonal relationships are dealt with more directly (see the Kevin/Jennifer/Raymond narrative situation) and also life in the digital age (think about how the only way the speaker in BF has proof is the photos theyve got on their smartphone? Though it's not the most obvious theme in the song) which kind of brings us back down to earth... (and away from the sun???)

[buginacup]

Hi I want to become an indie game maker, any tips/advice/etc.?

Thanks for the ask! ^_^ This is a broad question and I wound up actually going way overboard. If you or anyone else has a more specific question feel free to hit me up! I’m not like a mega-successful gamedev. The game I’m most known for is one that’s been funded and is currently in development, and the only full game I released was a physical arcade machine that no longer exists. With my grain of salt granted, I do have a lot of strong feelings on how we can better take care of ourselves as gamedevs and as artists. Hopefully this doesn't come off as haughty lol.

Think Small

A lot of the best advice I can offer anybody looking to make a game is to be kind to yourself. Unlike many other mediums of art video games have been corporate from their inception, so the natural instinct is to compare your art to the work of these expansive teams. If you go into making games trying to hold yourself to the standard of AAA or even “Indie Darling” games you’re going to rob yourself of a lot of necessary patience and satisfaction.

Something I recommend is spending some time browsing (and then playing!) generally unknown games on Itch.io. It’s a great way to set some reasonable expectations for how your work will be received, and has the added bonus of re-calibrating your idea about what games can look like!

When I sought similar advice a few years ago I had several people tell me to “think small” and “make things I can finish”, they would always chip away at the parts of my ideas that were asking too much or unrealistic. It was impossible for me at the time to take this criticism as anything but a challenge. I wanted to prove to them that I was the gamedev savant that everyone dreams of being.

But I wasn’t. Nobody is!

Culturally, at least here in America, there is this push to frame indie games as these products of visionary brilliance. We want badly to believe that there are special people of extraordinary talent and vision who effortlessly produce these monumental games out of thin air, and there is an internal pressure to deny having any sort of difficulty or limits – because that would mean that you’re not that auteur gamedev.

But none of these games are truly made alone, (and I don’t mean this to devalue the work of brilliant gamedevs, their presence as designers and writers is felt in their work and it would not exist if not for them.) art is responsive, and games especially lean on the established languages of interaction that games have been establishing since the 80s. All of our work is on the shoulders of giants, and there’s no amount of creativity or skill that would completely subvert that, because even access to the medium requires some interaction with and response to those systems.

All this to say, the reason people tell you to make small games is because it is as important to learn how to finish something as much as it is to know how to make it.

Don’t Be Afraid to Make Things That Feel Weird

With so many games on the market and games easier to make than ever, it is very tempting to aim to make games that are frictionless. It is easy to think that making an experience that never gets too challenging, never runs the risk of rubbing someone the wrong way, is the way to have the biggest staying power in the attention span of your players.

But all kinds of friction can be flavor!

Narratively, mechanically, things that make your art crunchy or awkward can sometimes be a key “handle” for people to latch onto. It’s true that you will be criticized for making a story with dissonant theme-ing, or a platformer with janky jumps, but to people who like what you like that will become a defining element of your game, something they can use as a wedge to crack open to your decisions and develop a deeper relationship with your work.

Take Breaks, and Make Solid Goalposts

I think for most people there is never going to be a moment where things will organically “click” and you’ll know you’ve “made it”. I’ve met quite a few people with more success than me who still feel like they haven’t found their big break, yet. It’s hard! There are cultural mechanisms for pushing us forward, pushing us back into work – but not many for actually basking in what we’ve accomplished. Respect yourself by writing down key goals. A finished level. A game you can share. Your first mention on a gaming website. Slow down and celebrate these things as they happen! You deserve it.

[hwitzr]

general themes and ideas for my portrayal of katsuk.i:

a broken prototype: "then turn selfishness into a weapon. make things yours, make other lives and dreams hopes yours." / "it feels like i'm sad for an infinite number of my selves." / "it has to be perfect. to make up for it, to make for the fact that it's me."

butterflies:  re: metamorphosis, "you listen and you know you could live a better life than you do, be softer, kinder. and maybe this year you will be able to do it." / "i act and react, and suddenly i wonder 'where is the boy that i was last year?'... what would he think of me now?" / "mostly, i want to be kind."

fear of insignificance: "i want to try and be terrific, even for an hour, i feel like a time traveller: summer dissolves in my mouth and i can’t remember what it tasted like" / "it terrifies you. that you missed out on something."

without body and mind: "could i just ... let my molecules separate while you keep an eye on the burner? the flame's fickle. here's hoping it doesn't go out." / "i feared a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind."

guilt as an open wound: "i want to tell you this story without having to confess anything, i want to tell you this story without having to be in it." / "the enormity of my desire disgusts me." / "the strength of my desire, the speed with which it flowers, shocks me; i flinch and startle."

anger as someone else: "i began to realise that although the violence was over, i still carried it with me." / "let the current carry the body away. let it sink. let yourself grieve and learn from this: learn to love." / "violence does not always take physical forms."

and anger as all you are: "aside from luck, what has driven your career? rage. i'm fucking angry, man. about everything." / "i know if i had not discovered art, i would have become a criminal." / "he plays very badly, but it stops him from destroying things."

sometimes people can understand you better than yourself: "to be a monster is to be a hybrid signal, a lighthouse: both shelter and warning." / "i was taught to desire nothing, to swallow other people's misery, and to eat my own bitterness."

a study in shame: "mother please believe me, ... i'm ashamed of the things i've been put through, i'm ashamed of the person i am." / "another morning and i wake with the thirst for the goodness i do not have." / "the horror of myself, and the meanness of myself.” / "isn't all that rage so ugly? and isn't it mine, still? good god, isn't it mine?"

you don't look to the past but drown through it: "when you leave your home and wander really far, you always think, ‘i want to go home.’ but then you come home, and of course it’s not the same." / "time passes, memory fades, adujusts, conforms to what we think we remember." / "it eats and tears away at me."

mother and son and the complexities that brings: "mother, i have pasts inside me i did not bury properly." / "i am a reflection of my mother's secret poetry as well as her hidden angers." / "i am my mother's child, and it terrifies me."

the ghost of who you were: "you are twenty-one and you know there are too many things out here. you're so afraid of becoming a ghost, but you are more afrai of what will happen if you don't." / "yes, i believe in ghosts, but we create them. we haunt ourselves."

[zyzennie]

Treacherous 01.

Treacherous (adj.)  guilty of or involving betrayal or deception.

Warnings: vulgar foreign language/ foul language, sexual and suggestive themes, betrayal/ betrayal between Johnjae, Illegal drug dealing, mention of blood and wounds, use of gun, smoking, mention of death/ murder, minor character death. This is my first time writing a kind of detailed smut and it`s badly written I`m sorry. I don`t know much about law but I tried since this is kind of Vincenzo au a little far from it but kind of like that and I`m amateur when it come`s to writing again I`m sorry. All Italian/foreign words came from google translate.

► Part 2

Word Count: 10.1k 

Disclaimer: All characters and events in this story even those based on real people are entirely fictional.

"Envious causes jealousy and jealousy causes hatred, hatred turns Treacherous causing sins to one another,"  you said letting out a sarcastic chortle.

 "Revenge, you said you want your revenge and I`m more than happy and dreadful to help you" his eyes are flaming and burning fire the beast inside him threatening to come out as anger forms and creeps inside him.

"I`m still not satisfied" you retorted emphasizing each word that is coming out of your lips. 

Takara Nakajima is one of the most corrupted Lawyers under Gongpyeong law firm has the dirtiest secret and dirt under their family`s name, the enemy of Ferrante`s. One of the cases you need to solve without any of your relatives knowing except for your one adopted cousin Johnny Jun Suh also distinguished as John Ivano Ferrante American/Korean, an Italian citizen.

"Where are you at 10:00 PM when the victim is rape?" His lawyer asked pacing back in forth waiting for the employer to answer.

"Again I will ask you where are you at exactly 10:00 PM when the victim is rape?" the lawyer questioned the employer again you can see that the employer is fidgeting his fingers and his eyes wandering the room one of the signs that he can be guilty.

"I-I`m home that night I didn`t do anything I didn`t put drugs in her drinks," the employer asserted.

"Objection your honor, Under sexual violence prevention and victims protection act, article 36 any person who dismisses a victim from employment or takes any other measure unfavorable to a victim, in violation of Article 8, shall be punished by imprisonment with labor. In the sexual violence prevention and victims protection act, article 8 No employer shall dismiss any victim or take any other unfavorable measure against him or her on the ground that he or she is the victim of sexual violence and this is what exactly what the employer doing now" you glance at the employer who is accused of doing sexual assault and attempted rape still contradicting what he has done.

"And let me ask one question please allow me your honor" you face the judge waiting for his approval.

"Let`s hear it" the judge simply said and you bow at him.

"No one, not even the police or anyone talks about you putting drugs on her drink, or perhaps you really did?" you ask the employer with anticipation waiting for him to reveal the truth and justice will be served.

"I didn`t, I said I didn`t! byeongsin saekki" the employer said and you glare at him for swearing.

"Your honor this footage from the witness will prove that he's guilty of the accusation that he`s getting" you fight back and you give the flash drive to them and insert it.

"Your honor we decline to accept this evidence!" the lawyer of the defendant said.

"It`s still evidence from the witness you have no choice," you said crossing your arms.

"Quiet! let`s watch the evidence" the judge proclaims making you all stop.

They watch the video of the girl being hauled in a dark place and how the employer does something very unpleasant and the video finishes again and now you still have the victory.

"Employer 5890 will be punished with imprisonment with labor for not more than three years" the judge announces and finalize it with the victim's family crying for winning the case. You walk out of the court with the cold aura you have going back to your office again.

"Congratulations Y/n or should I say, Chiara Allesandra Ferrante," the person said sarcastically you look at your mortal enemy worst of the worst Takara Nakajima daughter of Nakajima Hiroto owner of Nakajima Enterprises.

"Shut it Nakajima Takara" you rolled your eyes at her purposely bumping your shoulder to hers making her huff.

"Just accept it that you can`t win a single case without bribing the judge how pathetic of you Na.Ka.Ji.Ma" you emphasize her surname with a mocking tone making sure she heard it even though you`re not facing her.

"What did you just say? Apologize now!" Takara is a partner in the Gongpyeong law firm and one of the bossiest ones.

"Mi dispiace, patetico moccioso" you purposely said it since she`s Japanese and she won`t be able to understand that you say "I`m sorry you pathetic brat." you leave her with a teasing grin tainted in your lips.

"What did you just say!?" Takara said stomping her feet to the ground.

"Goodbye," you sing while walking away from her.

You open the door of your office startled by Johnny who is admiring your office, you promptly ran in his direction and hug him as tight as you could. Johnny Suh or John Ivano is not just someone who is adopted for you, you see him as an older brother and a best friend. He is one of the best lawyers in the country and also known worldwide, renowned, and acknowledge as John Ivano Ferrante. Raised by two Italian couples at the age of 3, his parents died in a car accident the cause is still not solved after years of striving for justice to be served. But there is one saying in the Ferrante clan; Never trust anybody because you can find faults and sin even in the most righteous person.

"Ivano!" you jumped to him making him carry you in his arms while you`re clinging to him like a koala.

"Johnny, just call me Johnny" he let out a breathy chortle removing you from his tight grasp shuffling your hair the height difference didn`t help at all.

"Don`t mess up my hair my hairstylist is not available right now, you know Ivano" you emphasize his name teasingly because he doesn`t like to be called Ivano in private unless you called him John.

"Then stop calling me Ivano I`m Johnny okay? want me to spell it out for you?" Johnny raised his eyebrows at you while crossing his arms.

"Fine, fine sorry" you grin at him and shove him off of your chair to sit in it comfortably.

"So? when did you come back? you should have told me you know" you rant at him opening your laptop to explicate to him the new plan that you two have been plotting for approximately 5 years.

"I just got here yesterday night, what`s with the change of plan?" Johnny asked, making his self comfortable on the couch in front of you.

" We can`t stick to the old plan it might affect the others if we continue it so I change it, here look" Johnny stood up from his seat to move to your table and check the new plan.

"Illegal drugs transaction to sexual attraction?" Johnny read it with a furrowed eyebrows analyzing all of the pictures.

"Yes, Nakajima has been selling and importing drugs tricking their clients to buy it by using sexual attraction it`s been going on since the 2000s there are 5 lawyers who fight for this case but Nakajima is always playing the game dirty" you explain to him solemnly, showing him different files and pictures.

"I did some research about them last week the drug dealing is still going on around, we`re still finding Tajimamori Yamamoto one of their oldest lawyer and the most trusted. In the year 1998 Tajimamori fight for the Nakajima case until in the year 2000, Tajimamori just suddenly disappear out of nowhere without any traces. He`s the ace card that we need to find" Johnny explains tapping his fingers on the table, eyebrows furrowed.

"We don`t have much time left, we need to finish this within 6 months we can`t afford to lose this time" you lean back to your chair pinching your nose bridge.

Once this case opens up and once you win the case the Nakajima will fall, Takara Nakajima, you better get ready.

"Revenge is a dish best served cold," you said while clasping your hands together.

"Va servito freddo, that`s the spirit Y/n" Johnny smirk and so did you, without Johnny, this thing will be absurdity and nothing.

"Since you win a new case today lunch is on me c`mon let`s go," Johnny said and you take your purse and clung your arms to his, flashing him a bright smile.

Johnny drives into a nearby restaurant pulling up his car to the parking area when your phone opens by itself with a vibrate. Sign that someone is calling you, you look at Johnny and he nods at you as a gesture to answer the phone. He still didn`t turn off the ignition so you stay in the car and answer the phone.

"Hello? who is this?" you stated through the phone pretending that you don`t know the person calling you.

"Hi, I`m the Information hacker that you`ve called last week I just landed in Korea, can you tell me where I can meet you? I`m in your office right now." the person answered you playing along with your silly joke.

"Oh yeah, I`m in a nearby restaurant I`ll send you the address please feel free to join us for lunch," you said politely to the phone and ended it, you send the address and you go in with Johnny.

"Is that the Information hacker?" Johnny asked with a little off tone in his voice.

"Yeah, I invited him for lunch" you answered him and he only nodded.

"Ms. Ferrante?" you and Johnny heard someone called your name and you stood up from your sit to greet the person.

"It was nice to meet you" you greet him and he gives you a smile showing his whites pearly.

"The pleasure is mine," the guy said back and you smile at him.

"My name is..." the guy was about to Introduced himself when Johnny hastily cut him off.

"Ten Adriano Rossi" Johnny said while wiping his lips with a napkin.

"How did you know him?" you look at Johnny curiously, gesturing Ten to seat with a jaunty grin.

"Don`t you recognize him? he`s ten!" Johnny said calmly.

"Ten lee!?" you exclaimed acting like you don`t know him and he smiled at you opening his arms for you to hug him.

"I`m still here you know?" Johnny cleared his throat and rolled his eyes at you and Ten.

"Okay, okay no more funny business and let`s proceed to the plan," Ten said.

Johnny explained all of the new plans to Ten including the outline of the goals, objectives, measurements, action steps, and responsibilities for each step and negotiation.

"Here`s the information that you need about Tajimamori Yamamoto, he`s seen last week at Osaka and Tokyo and he soon flies to Toronto, Canada." Ten spoke and he settled the brown envelope on the table making sure no one is listening or looking at your conversation.

"Also, yesterday I was hacking the system of Nakajima enterprises but when this confidential file suddenly showed up, I think it`s the record of the money they have been Illegally pocketing," Ten said, sipping the coffee from the cup. The serious look never fading from his face.

"We should keep all of this evidence in a private place where we can easily find it but no one can, once we puzzled this informations and evidence we can open up the case against them with solid evidence that can make them fall," Johnny responded.

Get ready Nakajima the person who will destroy you is already plotting your worst nightmare, Il karma è un boomerang, il mio amato nemico; "karma is a boomerang, my beloved enemy."

Johnny and Ten excuses themselves for a minute to talk about something more private leaving you alone to clear your mind, when renjun`s number pops up on your phone screen. You didn`t answer it at first maybe he was just gonna ask you to buy something on your way home, it`s the 5th time he`s been calling you and it`s like he doesn`t want to stop until you answer. So, you finally answer the phone.

"Y/n!? what the fuck!? I`ve been calling you!" Renjun said through the phone the stress and nervousness in his voice are obvious.

"Watch your language Renjun, what is this time?" you asked him with a stern voice.

"Y/n, you need to get home we have a problem it`s hard to explain just go home right now okay?" Renjun said and he quickly cut the call.

You texted Johnny that you will go home first and he replied "Drive safe" that`s enough for you, you quickly drive to your home it`s a minute drive from the restaurant to home but you could care less how fast you`re driving right now. You know Renjun more than anyone, by just the tone of his voice you already know that something is off. Getting out of the car, you open the door of your house with Renjun behind Doyoung while pacing back and forth biting the tip of his finger.

"What`s going on!?" you asked them, sitting on the couch with heavy breathing.

"Doyoung, Hyung accidentally hack our own system, and the tax evasion record of Tremblay corp is locked and can`t be open" Renjun explained while Doyoung is fully focusing on the computer his finger tapping it so fast.

"What!? Kim Doyoung!" you said his name a little louder making him face you.

"Eojjeorago!? If Haechan is not being an ass and if he didn`t annoy me earlier I wouldn't have accidentally hacked our system!" Doyoung said, asking you what do you want him to do about it a little louder than yours.

"Geuraeso mwo!? I was telling you about the codes but you keep shoving me off!" Haechan fight back and Renjun and you sit there pinching your nose bridge in unison.

"Yah! you two come here now!" you exclaimed a little higher and louder than usual, the two of them stand in front of you and you stood up from your sit grabbing your handbag. At first, you calmly smile at them before hitting them lightly with your bag making them ran away and you chase them.

"Kim Doyoung! Lee Haechan! get your ass in here!" you yelled at them and their playful laugh is only what you heard.

"Y/n, calm down!" Renjun yelled while the three of you, Doyoung, and Haechan is running around the living room.

"Wait, let me explain okay!? Mianhe" Doyoung stops running holding his hands to his chest breathing heavily with Haechan. While Renjun is just standing there his hands resting on his hips stifling his laughter.

"Fine! and you two Johnny and Ten!" you glare at them, Johnny gulps and so did Ten awkwardly scratching their neck.

"You said that you`re just gonna talk in private but why are you two here!?  you two went here first leaving me there!" you grab the pillow and throw it at them luckily they dodge it.

"Now explain" you sat back on the couch a sigh escaping your lips while rubbing your temple softly.

Doyoung explained everything about the system and how he can claim it back in just a few minutes and that`s enough to ease your worries. Of course, you trust Doyoung so much he`s like your sibling but losing all of the confidential files is different.

"Yun-o, this is the information we gathered about Chiara Allesandra Ferrante she`s also known as Y/n," Yuta said and he leaves the office when another person enters the door.

"Stop investigating her, you will get nothing" Johnny glares at Yun-o who is peacefully sipping the wine.

"Why? is it because she`s your cousin or maybe something else?" Yun-o dropped the envelope on the table chuckling at his response at Johnny.

"Stop putting any malice about me being protective to her will you? Jaehyun il ragazzo innamorato" Johnny tease him by calling him il ragazzo innamorato;"The lover boy"

"Well, stai zitto Ivano" Jaehyun tease back making Johnny glared at him again. stai zitto Ivano; "Shut up Ivano"

Jaehyun or Yun-o owner of Neo tech enterprises, one of the most successful men in South Korea, a pile of girls ready to get in his pants and ready to risk everything just for him. Jaehyun has a visual like Goddess if you`re gonna describe perfection many will use him as an example. Looks, style, professionalism, maturity you can see it all in him.

"I`m warning you Jaehyun," Johnny said seriously taking another sip of wine from his glass.

"I won`t do anything I swear" Jaehyun patted his best friend's shoulder going back to his seat.

"How`s the branch in New york going?" Jaehyun brought up the conversation about their joint company.

"It`s doing good, nothing bad so far but we might get ready we don`t know what will happen. I guess you know what I`m talking about since you`re investigating Y/n" Johnny responded, leaning to his seat with eyes shut. A lot is going on in his mind these days, and half of it is you.

"Well, we are well prepared for that. Just tell me whenever you need my help and by the way, I met Mr. Tremblay last week he seems like he`s in a hurry so we don`t have much time to talk" Jaehyun said staring into a space in his room going deep in his thoughts.

"Yeah, and I heard that his son is hitting on Y/n, his son is an amateur piece of shit," Johnny said letting out a "tsk" gulping down the wine he's drinking making Jaehyun sneer at Johnny.

"Jealousy, dude" Jaehyun tantalized.

"Shut up!" Johnny groaned.

"Ms. Ferrante you need to go with us!" The door of your office suddenly opens with a loud bang making you jolt in your sit and so did Kun.

"What!? this is absurd" Kun defended you holding your wrist preventing the officer from dragging you away.

"No, Kun it`s okay just call Johnny it`ll be fine," you said calmly before grabbing your bag, the police officer assisting you to follow them.

"I`ll come with you," Kun said keeping up with your pace of the walk.

Everyone outside the building is looking at you, sparing you one glance whispering to their partner's ears. Is gossiping a new trend now? it`s funny how people will talk about you and judge you easily when you just show them the part of you that you want them to see and they will act like they know the whole story of your life.

Arriving at the station the officer asked you to sit down so the interview will start.

"We`ll go straight to the point Ms. Ferrante, someone pointed out that you have been selling drugs and there`s one found in your car yesterday. We can finish this up if you cooperated with us" the police interrogated you, showing the evidence.

"I don`t sell drugs, I don`t do drugs, I never keep one," you said rolling your eyes.

"Then what is this then? a laundry powder?" the police ask sarcastically.

"Guarda, I`m not here so just you can tell and ask your not so lame jokes I said what I said, and can I possibly know who reported this bullshit?" you ask squinting your eyes at the officer, you`re not really like this but since you`re stress and for a woman who has a lot of works to do. This interview is a burden.

"Pick up, pick up, fucking pick up!" Kun grew impatient when Johnny is not answering his calls and messages after trying and trying Johnny finally answered the phone.

"Kun take it easy I`m with Jaehyun right now" and Johnny can feel that Kun has an irritated emotion written on his face right now.

"Yeah, you`re with Jaehyun right now while Y/n and I are in the police station right now uhuh," Kun said.

"Come here right now we need you" and then he ends the call waiting outside until the interview ends.

Hours have passed and the interrogating is still going on and Kun is still waiting for you. Johnny finally arrived, fixing the suit that he`s wearing he asked Kun where you are and he assists Johnny inside.

"John Ivano Ferrante, I`m Y/n`s lawyer," Johnny said full of professionalism.

They settled the problem after almost another 1 hour they finally let you leave. Out of curiosity and frustration wondering who decided to frame you. Of course, Takara is one of the options but maybe there is someone else.

"Can I ask who reported me?" letting out a hiss you ask the officer that arrested you.

"No" the officer simply responded to your question and Johnny holds your right arms. Johnny and you are ready to leave but you still want to know who it is so you turn around again.

"won`t you really gonna tell me?" you ask one more time and that`s enough for Johnny to drag you along with him.

"C`mon let`s go" Johnny drag you along with him but you keep removing his grip.

"One last question, please?" you look at Johnny with puppy eyes but it didn`t work so you stop it and stand straight walking out by yourself but before that, you punch his arms lightly enough for him to hold his arms before walking out.

"I hate you" and Johnny only smiles at himself like a fool before following you outside.

You walk outside and took a deep breath, you look for Kun only to see him leaning in Johnny`s car. You walk to him and he smiles at you.

"Thank you," you said at him.

"Kun, can you drive Y/n home for me? I gotta go somewhere," Johnny said giving Kun the key car. Sparing you a glance but you didn`t bother looking at him back, as if he`s not in front of you.

You go home with Kun the two of you use Johnny`s car and you`re worried about him you really do. The rain keeps pouring and it`s getting darker, more hours pass and you grew more worried the rain is getting heavy. You`re thinking how Johnny will get home in this weather, you lean your head against the windowpane the raindrops sliding outside of the pane when you see a glimpse of a familiar figure.

You ran downstairs as fast as you could grabbing a soft towel with you before opening the door. It`s Johnny, Johnny is soaked wet his hair sticking out in every direction possible, a cut in the lips, and bleeding knuckles. You look up at him with worried eyes and he smiled at you. You don`t know what to say but your next action makes him feel at ease, you hug him your chest touching his. The skin contact that makes him feel comfort.

"What happened?" you asked, you don`t know why you are tearing up when he`s the one in pain. He caressed your face softly and he still didn`t say anything. You invited him inside because it`s his home too. You hold his wrist guiding him in one of the rooms, you don`t know if it`s your room but you could care less until you put an ointment and bandage in his wounds. You make Johnny sit on the bed and handed him a towel while you go in the bathroom to get the things you needed.

You slowly applied the ointment on Johnny`s lips where the cut is while your hands are slightly shaking, not minding the tears that are brimming out of your eyes. You next hold his hands to yours softly and more tear brim in your eyes, you`re so weak when it comes to Johnny and you don`t know what to feel about it.

"I-I`ll do it," Johnny said removing his hands from yours before you grab it again.

"No! I`ll do it!" you said through your sobs, wiping your tears away.

"I can do..." you didn`t let Johnny what he was about to say because you know what it is.

"No! I`ll do it, you said you`re just gonna go somewhere but why do you have this cut and wounds in your body!? I hate it!" you said letting it out as your sobs get louder and Johnny only stayed silent. You covered his knuckles with a bandage softly while he let out a loud hiss.

"You`re strong but why do you let your body take all of this!? you know I hate it when something like this happens to you" you exclaimed tears are still falling from your eyes, you touch the cut on his lips again making him hiss.

The two of you stare at each other for a brief moment and Johnny brushes away the strands of hair that are covering your face when your emotion took over you. Your lips landed on his soft ones with your eyes closed he didn`t kiss back, you`re about to pull away when he holds your nape kissing you back. The two of you stay like that for a fleeting moment.

The two of you pulled away forehead resting on one another when the bedsheet cover suddenly moves revealing Ten with a teasing grin making you pull away from Johnny.

"Is it necessary to make out in my room?" Ten asked still wearing the annoying teasing grin on his face.

"S-shut up!" you said and you walk out of the room leaving Johnny and Ten alone.

"How is it?" Ten didn`t stop teasing Johnny so he grabs the pillow and throws it at ten softly before plopping down at the bed letting his body sink in it.

You open the door of your room and you straightly go to your bed burying your face at the pillow out of embarrassment, tossing around the bed messing it up.

"Did you just kiss your cousin? did you just kiss Johnny Suh? It`s okay, right? the two of us are not blood-related anyways so nothing to worry about yes? no?" burying your face on the pillow once again letting out a muffled scream.

The boys decided to have dinner all at once at home so they ordered food for all of you they start calling you, you just keep answering "Okay" so they decided to stop when your stomach makes a grumbling noise. You open the door of your room only to see Johnny`s fist in the air may be to knock? and you look down.

"A-about earlier" you`re about to apologize to Johnny when he cuts you off.

"It`s okay don`t flutter yourself," Johnny said with a smile and you go downstairs with him.

"Don`t Flutter? who said I`m fluttering myself!?" you scoffed and walk past him closing your eyes for a moment from embarrassment.

"Hey, wait up!" Johnny said grabbing your shoulders.

"Let me walk with you" he added.

The rest of you gathered in the dining room. Laughter, warmth, comfort, are filling up the whole room. Oh, gosh you know how much you miss this after almost a year of not being complete you on the times where you only have Renjun, Jaemin, and Haechan besides you.

"This pizza tastes delicious don`t you think so?" you nodded and giggled, your cheeks stuffed with pizza. All of you are laughing that you didn`t even realize who`s the person beside you, you stay silent for a moment before y`all turn your head once again to the person beside you.

"Mark Lee!" you exclaimed locking him with a tight hug.

"Dude, I can`t breath," Mark said tapping your back lightly and you back away.

"Sorry I got carried away" you beam at him and every one of them hugs him what a beautiful and pleasant event.  

"Announcement! we`re all having a party tomorrow so don`t miss out, I`ll tell y`all the location" Mark happily announced, and y`all cheered stuffing your mouth with food.

You excuse yourself to talk with Mark in private, the two of you sat in the living room looking around before proceeding to talk. Mark looks at you with confused eyes.

"So, what`s going on with Mr. Tremblay?" You asked Mark and now he finally understands.

"About that, he`s company is not doing well plus his son keeps asking me about you that I can`t even go on with a day without him asking me things about you since I sign a partnership with them," Mark answered with a sigh before pulling you into a hug and you rest your head to his arms.

"Is Takara invited to the party?" you ask him while you stare at the ceiling and he plays with your hair.

"Yes, she`s Invited" Mark simply responded.

"Can I ask you a favor for tomorrow?" you asked while looking back up at him.

"Sure, what is it?" you smiled at him for agreeing at first he didn`t buy the idea but there`s no way he can say no to you.

"Thank you, Mark!" you cheered.

"Papà! you should`ve decline! out of all people why Takara!?" you barged in your father`s office throwing a tantrum as soon as you go face to face with him.

"Don`t raise voice at me Y/n! I`m still your father" your father defends which makes you more frustrated.

"Papà! you know that we can`t have any connection with them when it comes to running a company! this might ruin my plan why did you let them sign the contract!" you can`t help but raise your voice frustration is creeping inside you and you can`t help but let it out.

"Trust me Y/n this will help you sooner or later you will realize it," your father said. How can he be so calm when you`re out here in front of him letting your frustration out.

"Cazzo! this is ridiculous!" you fight back.

"Watch your language Y/n!" you had enough and you don`t think you can go on with this conversation.

"I`m done okay? I`m done!" you left your father`s office angrily closing the door walking fast not caring if anyone is looking.

Your father just makes a contract of partnership with Nakajima`s that makes you infuriated early in the morning. How can he sign an agreement with them?

"Did I just mention the plan to my father!? No, don`t worry Y/n he won`t get it" you talk to yourself taking a deep breath before entering your car, you called Johnny and tell him to meet you in your office in an hour.

"Why did you call me here?" Johnny asked while leaning in the doorway.

"Nice timing let`s go and help me find a dress to wear" you dragged him with you.

Johnny keeps whining about how you can ask for Wendy`s help but you keep shutting him from talking, you tried so many dresses and he keeps saying no which makes you pissed off. You choose a dress a long one and a short one for an option you bought it, it was color red you choose the long one with a deep sidecut that shows the skin of your legs.

Arriving at the party it`s fabulous and it`s full of people around your age mid-20s and the ones in their 20s you spend the whole night drinking when this beautiful handsome man approaches you.

"Pleasure to meet you I`m Jung Jaehyun," He said offering his hands for you to shake it.

"Ciara Allessandra Ferrante but I`m more comfortable being called Y/n plus don`t act dumb I know you. I`m not a fool I know you hire someone to follow me and investigate me, I know by this time you know all of my plans but don`t worry I know you're trustworthy, and you`re friends with my friends." you took his hands to yours and you gladly shake it.

"Jaehyun? I`ve been looking for you" you heard a familiar voice and you`re completely sure it`s Johnny.

"Chill," Jaehyun said with a smile.

"Ciao Y/n I hope you will like my April fools surprise," she said slipping away the wine your holding.

Takara already left and the whole place gets full and crowded with businessmen, suddenly everyone becomes quiet when the news starts playing.

"Breaking news the well-known CEO and Founder of Phoenix corporation have been found dead at exactly 8:30 PM in his house there`s still no answer what is the cause of death" everyone gasp and you can feel a tear escaping your eyes.

"Papà, this is not real!" you said and you walk out of the party going to your dad but Johnny prevented you from doing so.

"Let go!" you said removing his grasp and he holds you tight to his embrace.

"Your father asked me a favor to not make you see him, he wants you to see him when he`s in the coffin" you didn`t hug him back but you keep crying.

"He`s still my father Johnny I want to see him!" you fight back pushing him through his chest but he won't budge. Of course, he`s stronger than you.

"Let`s go home tomorrow you`ll see him" Johnny whispered at you and you can see Jaehyun looking at you with pity in his eyes.

"You!" you point at Jaehyun.

"Me?" he answered.

"Yes, you who else?" you talk.

"I want you to join us I know that`s your whole point of investigating me anyway," you said sternly and they all look at you.

"What?" you rolled your eyes at them.

"Tomorrow we have something to do, we`ll make our first move of the plan starting tomorrow I can`t tolerate this anymore after what Nakajimas do to my father.

You throw the glass of wine you`re holding in the wall staining it red, your hands holding tight the table with fire eyes in your eyes throwing daggers anger, guilt, and sorrow that`s all you can feel right now.

"It`s hard to enter that place unless you`re a guess they will let you in mostly couples. So, we need you and Jaehyun to pretend like the two of you are a couple" Jeno spoke you`re about to complain but Johnny already did.

"Couple!? them!?" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, anything wrong with that?" Jeno questioned.

"Nothing" he responded almost whining.

The whole planning already finishes and you`re in your room with Johnny laying in your bed comfortably tossing around.

"I don`t get it out of all people in this house why you and Jaehyun?" Johnny complains while you dry your hair.

"There`s nothing wrong with that plus I think Jaehyun kinda look handsome" you try to test the water and how he would react.

"Yeah, right whatever do whatever you want"  Johnny rolled his eyes and you giggled at his response.

"Jealous now are we?" you teased.

"Me Jealous? no way" he said facing the other side of the bed.

"How about we date? I mean it`s not like we`re blood-related we can easily cut ties and we can announce it for the world to know after we make the Nakajimas fall. Sounds good yeah? no?" you ask him seriously and he faces you.

"Really? like for real? but I`m 2 years older than you thought" he said caressing your face softly.

"It`s not like we have a big age gap, why don`t we try it?" you talked scooting closer to him.

"I don`t see why not?" he replied and you smiled at him.

"Does this mean we`re official?" Johnny asks you.

"Yes, baby," you said teasingly.

"Call me that again," he said back.

"No way" you replied and he hugs you, you spend the whole night with Johnny and the two of you surely have fun. It`s doing okay until Kun decided to barge in your room without even knocking.

"We found Tajimamori Yamamoto he`s currently in Tokyo right now, Johnny we need to fly to Tokyo this might be the last chance that we have to find him," Kun said showing the taken picture of Tajimamori leaving his car.

"We`ll fly tomorrow morning we need Jungwoo to come with us, get everything ready" Johnny responds as you stay quiet.

"Go and pack your things, Kun I`ll book you a flight" you talk and Johnny looks at you before standing up.

"I`ll help you pack your things" you added and he gave you a peck on the lips.

"How many days do you think you will stay there?" you ask him.

"For at least 5 days or 7," he answered.

"Take care make sure you come back without any scars I don`t want to lose you like my dad" you softly said, caressing his face to your hands.

You helped Johnny pack his things and you already book them a flight that will leave tomorrow morning. You slept in Johnny`s room and you make sure to embrace him because you can`t see him personally for at least 5 days or 7.

You wake up without Johnny by your side instead you wake up with Doyoung and Haechan bickering outside the room door, you tried to cover your ears with the pillow but you decided that it`ll be better if you stand up and stop them.

"Finally you wake up! go and take a bath we have a lot of things to do today" Ten said pushing you to your room as you watch the house gets chaotic every second.

"Tax evasion, Illegal drug dealing, murder, sexual assault. We can sue them by using this plus we have Tajimamori as a witness" you explain, gripping the marker your holding too hard that it makes your palms white.

"I can`t hack the system of Nakajima the file that holds their tax evasion can`t be open I need to be somewhere close to them," Ten said along with Doyoung, all of you think of a way to hack their system.

"Tremblay, Tremblay corp! we can enter Mr. Tremblay's office easily since he`s in Canada I heard that he will be back this Saturday. Mark, you can help us right? you're the only one who is closest to him" you talk as you wait for Mark`s answer.

"Yes, that`ll be easy since his secretary knows me. After that, we can finally file the case and go on, but the only problem is that Jungwoo texted me that they`re having a hard time since they land in Japan. Tajimamori seems to notice that they`re following him" Mark let out a sigh and so did you.

"Can we stop this for a moment there`s nothing but a problem here since I arrived," Mark said which makes you slightly offended at his statement?

"What did you just say?" you asked him with a stern voice.

"Look, Im tired okay?" Mark groaned.

"Neither am I but did you ever hear me complain!?" you fight back.

"Everything is not about you! not everything revolves around you so please if you don`t mind I`ll excuse myself for a moment" Mark leaves the room frustrated, he doesn`t know what`s wrong with him but he knows it`s wrong to let out his anger and frustration at you when you feel just the same way as him. He`s not been himself this fast few days because of what happened to your late father who treats him like he is his own son.

"Y`all can rest if you want, you can leave too if you want to, just say it you all know that I`m not forcing y`all into this," you speak softly before leaving the room with a small smile but deep inside you`re hurt.

You took a deep breath after leaving the room you saw Mark in the living room, you tried avoiding his gaze scared that he`s still not in the mood to talk. He`s watching the TV and you stop in your track when you heard the news, you look at the TV and you can see Wendy`s house and they blurred the body, you know it`s Wendy just by the body you know it`s her out of all people why does the world decide to be cruel to you.

"No, no, not her please tell me it`s not her" you broke down in tears as Mark catches you in his arms, you fell to your knees as your sobs et louder while Mark tries to comfort you. Jaehyun watch what`s happening in front of him, he does feel bad for you. You ran upstairs and grab your keys going outside with others trying to prevent you from leaving.

"Y/n, stop!" Mark`s hold your wrist while you look at him with teary eyes.

"No, Mark I have to see my best friend please, please let go" you remove his grip and he stays quiet as he watches your small figure enter your car.

You arrived at the hospital where you see your best friend's cold and pale body.

"How can they be so heinous!? why do they have to kill you!?" you cry in front of your best friend`s lifeless body.

"Just let it out" you look at the person beside you and it`s Jaehyun, did he follow you? you wiped your tears away standing back up.

"Why did you follow me?" you asked.

"Because you`re not in the right condition right now and I know there`s a lot more going on in your minds" you look at him, his side profile is surely attractive and also comforting.

"Thank you Jaehyun I know I just met you personally last week but I mean it" you spoke softly and he smiled, facing you, he holds you by your shoulders crouching down a little making an eye to eye level.

"It`s okay, I know you for a year now because of the investigation thingy I hope that doesn`t make you uncomfortable that I brought that up," He said showing his attractive smile.

"Forget about the couple thingy that we have to pretend I already talk to Mark, just like what he said earlier we can easily enter Mr. Tremblay`s office so try to worry less okay?" Jaehyun tries to comfort you as much as he can. The two of you go around the town making you forget about everything, you wish you can be with Johnny at a time like this but you know he`s in Japan.

Three days have passed and you grew closer with Jaehyun, you expect Johnny to arrive tonight because they finally persuade Tajimamori to be the witness.

It`s past midnight and still no sign of Johnny so you decided to wait a little more until you just decided to go to bed and welcome him tomorrow morning.

"Babe? baby wake up" you slightly open your eyes because you feel someone poking your cheeks, your eyes are still blurry so can`t see the person clearly.

"Johnny?" you whispered.

"Yeah, it`s me sorry for waking you up I just need to hear your voice" you smile at his sweetness before going back to sleep.

"Go inside I`ll wait here," Mark said, looking left to the right to check if anyone sees you and Jaehyun entering.

"Doyoung, Ten? we`re in" you said connecting the device they gave you to the pc. They started doing what they have to do as you watch closely when you can feel the cold metal in your neck.

"Jaehyun, what are you doing?" freezing at your position.

"Nothing, it`s just so funny how you trust me so easily Y/n" He let out a chortle.

"What do you really want?" you question with your eyes close.

"I`m the one who should ask you that, you said you want revenge but your revenge is too boring why don`t we spice it up a bit hmm?" Jaehyun spoke while you stay still.

"What do you want me to do then? Kill Takara?" you don`t where you get that kind of braveness because these days you`ve been down.

"Exactly, how about we do that just the two of us?" Jaehyun removes the blade that threatening to cut your skin.

Doyoung and Ten finish what they`re doing and you leave the building along with Mark, everyone that there`s something very different from how you`re acting since you leave the building but they didn`t mention it.

"Make sure to keep your promise" you whispered at Jaehyun.

"I love you" Johnny whispered at you.

"I love you too," you said back.

"I want the world to know that you`re mine, you want that too baby?" Johnny said kissing your neck, softly marking you.

"Johnny please," you said with temptation in your voice.

"Please what baby?" Johnny asked you with a seductive voice.

"I want you inside me, I want you to touch me and make me feel so good" you whine making him let out a breathy chuckle at your eagerness.

"Will do princess" he answered.

That night you and Johnny take your time with feeling each other as if there`s no tomorrow for it.

After that night you have been very distant to Johnny and almost everyone in the house can perceive it. You want to distance yourself because you don`t want him to be hurt so it`ll be better this way, it`s better this way. You keep convincing your day every single day that almost every day you argue with him because that`s the only way you can push him away, you want him not to love you anymore.

Today you saw Johnny with a girl and you can`t help but get jealous but what can you do? he`s still your boyfriend. Of course, you will get jealous but why now when you`re pushing him away.

"I told you already she`s an old colleague! nothing more!" Johnny said with a pissed voice.

"Yeah right, an old colleague who loves touching you did you even see yourself earlier you just let her!" you fight back with a loud voice that the boys outside can hear the two of you arguing.

"What kind of boyfriend do that!?" you continued.

"Woah, then what kind of girlfriend accused his own boyfriend of cheating when it`s not even real!" Johnny retorted making you quiet because it`s true and you don`t have anything about that.

"See? I`m right you keep pushing me off! you can`t even look me in the eyes these days and it`s making me sick, thinking what I have done to make you act like this. It`s so fucking tiring!" he retorted as he slammed the door when he leaves your room.

Everyone keeps themselves busy as if they never heard the argument between you and Johnny. Yes, they`re shocked about the relationship between you and him but it`s not their business to interfere.

You cry yourself to sleep while Johnny gets drunk to sleep, tomorrow is the day where you`re gonna meet up with Jaehyun in the place where the two of you talked about.

"I don`t get it! she keeps pushing me away and it hurts! do you know what I`m fucking saying Jaehyun!?" He said drinking beer to beer nonstop as Jaehyun watch his friend get drunk not even stopping him but why?

"Just give her some time maybe she`s tired" Jaehyun responded.

"I always do that but why is it not enough!?" Johnny cried out.

"Envious causes jealousy and jealousy causes hatred, hatred turns Treacherous causing sins to one another," you said letting out a sarcastic chortle. 

"Revenge, you said you want your revenge and I`m more than happy and dreadful to help you" his eyes are flaming and burning fire the beast inside him threatening to come out as anger forms and creeps inside him.

"I`m still not satisfied" you retorted emphasizing each word that is coming out of your lips. 

"You drag me into this, this heinous sin that you`ve started is burning inside me. Now, everything doesn`t satisfy me anymore" you yelled the tension getting thicker and thicker. 

"Even though you`re gonna kill me you will get nothing, justice is in my palms in this accursed world," Takara intruded your arguing with Jaehyun, writhing her tied body on the chair. 

"Kill me!" Takara said shooting you a bloodshot glare that only makes your enjoyment alive as you slowly walk towards her with a gun in your hand. 

"Takara, Takara, Takara, you see this? this Russian pistol is what I`m going to use to kill you so don`t try me. Now, what part of your body should I shoot first? back of the head, chest, or maybe your mouth it`ll be more enjoyable that way honey. Oh, another idea maybe I should just strangle you to death" you give her face a few taps on her cheeks the leer in your eyes never leaving hers while she hitches her breath scared that any minute you can pull the trigger on her. 

"You have no conscience, do you?" Takara spoke again with a smirk forming on her lips making you more annoyed and tempted to kill her. 

"Of course I don`t, because you know what? It`s a pity the law doesn`t allow me to be merciful that`s what Javert said in Les Miserables and that`s literally me right now you Figlio di puttana!" you cursed breathily giving her a devilish grin making her slap you with her one free hand holding your face you glare at her, anger building up inside you. 

"Merde! do that again and I`ll kill you!" you hold her side to side eyes widening but Takara only laughs at you and you slap her too before you turn your back at her. 

"fuzakeru na! kill me so you can live longer and live in sorrow, happiness doesn`t exist in the world we`re born but the pain does" she shout with anger in her voice and now she reaches your limit.

"I know, want me to end your pain? then I will, I`ll make sure you suffer and Roth in hell! I will let you know what it feels like to be ripped every single day just like what you did to my best friend when she`s the only one who can understand me in this accursed world! you won`t be here if isn`t for your family`s greed, jealousy, and hatred towards mine!" You shout back pointing the gun at her turning back around to face her.

"A fanabla! Takara" you pull the trigger and shoot her straight at her chest making you fell on your knees with tears brimming in your eyes.

"Why am I even crying?" you wiped your tears away as you slowly stood up and spit to your side. 

"You want it, you get it. Ciao Takara" you laugh smirk is drawn on your lips as you walk out of the abandoned place with Jaehyun while whistling like a psycho.

"Nice shoot out there" you`re startled by Jaehyun`s voice you thought Johnny was the one using your bathroom but when you turned around you`re eye to eye with Jaehyun water droplets falling from his abs with a towel covering his torso down.

"What the fuck are you doing here!?" you said eyes widening.

"Using your bathroom obviously" he answered coming closer to you.

"and who permitted you to use it!? get out!" you pushed him away but he put his shirt back on luckily his wearing his shorts under his towel only to come closer dangerously close that you can feel his hot breath panning to yours.

You back away until the back of your knees hit the bed making you fall with Jaehyun hovering above you, you know this is wrong and you need to stop Jaehyun.

"Stop!" you keep moving away from him but before you can push him the door suddenly burst open with Johnny looking at the two of you his eyes screaming anger, jealousy, hate, and sadness he feels betrayed. He drops the bouquet on the floor grabbing Jaehyun by his collar.

"I trusted you, you bastard!" Johnny was about to throw a punch on Jaehyun when you stop him.

"Baby no it`s not like that, it`s not what you think it is" you plead, holding his arms.

"So, this is the reason why you`ve been so distant to me lately huh?" Johnny glares at you, this is the first time you see him this fuming mad.

"What the fuck!? of course not!" you defended.

Within a second he throws a punch at Jaehyun which Jaehyun gives back at him you tried to stop them but they are much stronger compared to you.

"Johnny please stop" you shout at them making them stop from gripping each other.

Johnny fixes his clothes giving you a painful glance before leaving, why the fuck are you crying when Johnny is the one in pain right now. You quickly follow him not giving a fuck about Jaehyun.

"Johnny please wait, listen to me please, just please" you plead as you grab a hold of his wrist there`s also a tear escaping his eyes which breaks you more.

"Stop! stop okay? I don`t need any of your explanation" he said coldly before shutting the door of his room.

You stand there dumbfounded with your eyes brimming in tears you go back to your room Jaehyun is trying to apologize but it angers you more, irritating you more, hurting you more.

"Get the fuck out of my sight!" you exclaimed as you push him away.

"I don`t want your apology, your sorry won`t fix anything okay!? now live me the fuck alone!" you`re livid and you`re in your pain. Why are you always the one receiving the pain?

Jaehyun doesn`t say anything anymore leaving you alone, you cried your eyes out. You lost your father, you lost wendy, you lost Johnny. What else do they want to take away from you? sometimes you just wanna sleep and get deep in it so you will never wake up in this realm.

"Johnny listen to me! what you saw there is nothing I swear please, just please at least talk to her. I`m sorry" Jaehyun rub his face using his palms out of stress and frustration while guilt is creeping up in his body.

"Quit with your bullshits! what do you want me to do? believe you after you deceive me by using Y/n? do you think I didn`t know that the two of you killing Takara? Well, fuck this because Y/n didn`t really kill her! It`s Kun" Johnny retorted. Well, Jaehyun is not shocked about Kun killing Takara since he`s an International agent. He glares at Jaehyun who`s speechless at his older friend's outburst.

"Okay, that shit is on me but don`t let it out on her for fuck sake Johnny the one you witness earlier is not what you think it is! I use her bathroom and decided to tease her not seduce her" A sigh escape Johnny`s lips throwing his head back out of mixed emotion.

"Get out I need some time alone" Johnny spoke without looking at his friend, he let his body fall on the mattress running his hands to his face.

You`ve been lying in your bed for a few hours now and so did Johnny making everyone worried and they didn`t even see a single glimpse of Jaehyun. You`re ashamed so ashamed to talk and face them, you`re the one who plans this revenge but you end up ruining it. Of course, you know it`s not you who kill Takara, you heard it from Johnny and there`s nothing more to deny it.

You really want to see him, you really want to feel him, you really want to apologize. Gathering your courage getting a little bit shameless you got up from your bed opening the door you flinch slightly when you see Johnny standing in front of you, his fist in the air maybe he's about to knock? there`s an awkward tension between the two of you. His eyes that full of love every day is now emotionless.

"D-do you want to come in?" you manage to let out but he didn`t say anything.

He cups your face landing his soft lips on yours pulling you back inside your room. He closes the door using his feet, you pull away from him avoiding his intense gaze. He softly touches your chin making you look at him before kissing you again this time it`s passionate and slow. You want him to stop, you really do but you can`t resist him. Within a moment you`re kissing him back too.

A soft moan escapes your lips as you and Johnny let your body fall on the mattress. Johnny hovering above you makes you feel small underneath him it awaken your inner desires. Johnny leaves traces of wet kisses on your neck making you yearn for his touch. He removes his shirt and so did you, throwing it somewhere in the room.

Tongues pressed together in a hot open-mouthed kiss as he kneaded your breast his other hands slowly making it`s way to your clothed core slowly removing it he rub your sensitive clit.

He stops for a moment before pulling away making you whine lightly at the sudden loss of contact. He removes his pants and boxer tossing it somewhere in the room again before positioning himself in between your legs, pushing in slowly his thrust is deep and slow making you moan in pleasure.

"I-I`m sorry" you let out breathily.

His thrust getting a little bit faster making you grip the sheets as he buried his face at the crook of your neck. You know this will be the last time you can feel him this close to you, the last time you can feel his love for you, the last time he will make you feel loved.

"D-don`t stop please" you stuttered out as tears fall from your eyes.

"Don`t cry you know it hurts me too" he kisses your tears away, his thrust getting sloppy as you can feel yourself about to reach your orgasm.

"Baby I`m gonna cum" you moaned gripping him tightly throwing your head back.

"Neither am I, cum for me," he said softly.

He goes to the bathroom to clean you up and getting a shirt in your closet which is his shirt.

"Is this the last time?" you asked him as he slid the shirt in your body before covering you with the blanket.

"Please, I`m sorry. I`ll do anything for you just please don`t leave me you know you`re the only one I have" you cried. You know you still have the others who treat you like their own sister but Johnny is different.

"Y/n our love it`s not just about holding on sometimes it`s about letting go too it`s treacherous if we love each other in this time it can lead to something else" He manages to speak despite of the lump forming in his throat. You sob in his shoulder clutching his shirt not wanting to let go.

"You need to rest, I want you to close your eyes until you heard the door close. Promise me to not open it" you nodded removing your grip on his shirt, you softly lay in your bed. Johnny kissed you on the forehead, you cry more when you can`t feel his warmth close to you anymore.

You heard the soft click of the door closing, you keep your promise you didn`t open your eyes. The memories you made with him flashes in your mind as you fall asleep.

Johnny stops midway before getting his luggage in his room "I love you" he whispered while looking at your room`s door. Proceeding to do his thing with tears brimming out of his eyes.

It`s currently 2:00 AM now and Jaehyun is accompanying Johnny to the airport.

"I`m sorry for what I`ve done I didn`t mean it as that" Jaehyun asks for forgiveness which Johnny gives back with a smile.

"It`s really not your fault and not Y/n`s fault I really have to do this" Johnny said but Jaehyun didn`t get it.

"Do you really have to leave?" Jaehyun asks once again Johnny nodded before leaving his friend alone the smile on his face quickly fades away as sadness took over it.

“I let go because I want you to hold on a little more longer I`ll promise to be back” Johnny said while tears slowly fall from his eyes, looking at the picture the two of you took together.

‘It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves’ - William Shakespeare

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Reboot: Analytical  Overview of the Anime

Fruits Basket’s reboot is one of most successful anime reboots since it has:

Amazing story that celebrates human weakness, digs into the depths of human identity & doesn’t shy away from depicting child trauma & abuse. Teaches the values of letting go & walking forward.

The author’s blessing, nostalgia factor from loyal fanbase.

Fixed scheduled 3 season comeback with 63 eps in total planned from the very beginning.

Finished source material with its ending approved by manga fans.

Anime follows the official manga ending.

The “slice of life/shojo” genre doesn’t need budget for fight scenes or big scale realistic animation for its lore.

All these factors contributed to its success, however, this doesn't mean the anime was a masterpiece. It is very good but had issues aren’t in the writing, but rather in the format, overall vision & its effect on characters’ depths.

1. Format:

a. ( Is Fruits Basket an episodic anime or a plot-driving story?) 

-The anime couldn’t decide how to adapt the manga content, should it follow it literally & combine two chapters together each time, or take the core plot & drive it by character, or focus on its vision or what? they KNOW that can’t adapt everything. They have 63 eps in total so they have good number of eps to do any choice. However, since the anime is advertised as “ a faithful adaptation” they wanted to cement this announcement in se01 & chose “character of the day” format. Once, the manga fans are assured & hooked, they can drive the rest wherever.

-Se02 was slightly less episodic (minus the beach arc which had perfect pacing). Afterwards, the yuki content was approached similarly to se1 but centered around “ episodic themes”.  Lots of characters arcs are pushed to se3 to keep the “mother” theme of se2. that’s why all eps ended happily minus few eps such as tohru’s nightmare ending in isuzu’s ep.

-Se03 is where the anime really had the biggest issues & couldn’t decided between keeping themes or rolling like a true well-written drama-infused story. Thus we see them trying to keep the episodic themes as long as possible in 5 eps & once ep 6 starts & they can no longer label a flowing plot into themes, they rolled into the climax. The entirety of tohru’s neglected issues outside of her role as a mother was condensed in one ep via audio narration, since ep 7 should drive akito into the climax spot, ep 8 is kyo’s & ep 9 is female antagonist vs female protagonist clash. The rest of the eps focus around wrapping the growth arcs of kyo, akito, yuki & tohru.

I wish they kept the episodic forma for se01 only. Se01 is episodic by design since you can’t maneuver around character introduction, but they should’ve let season 2 & 3 flow smoothly without imposing episodic themes that a junior high schooler could detect, simply because the theme will choose which character fits this ep & which must be cut. Hardly a smart decision for a drama-focused story. Example: Se02 post-beach arc, being “mother tohru” themed meant the cut content of any “teenage girl tohru content”, focusing only on her role as a mother & shoving the rest of “tohru” into the unbelievably packed se03.

b. ( How the seasons are divided & which one is best?)

Lots of fans believed that: se1 (kyo focus), se2 (yuki focus), se3 (tohru focus), I don’t think this is the correct official anime format at all, but rather the fans wishful thinking, here’s why:

se01 isn’t kyo’s focus at all.  Kyo has ONE focused ep each season: se01:ep24, se3: ep9, & se03: ep8. He gets more screen time in se03 to deal with the aftermath of ep8 & to mark his growth & close his arc. But, yuki had more focused eps in se01 than kyo. Example, se01, ep 12, yuki tells the audience abt his dream of new friends, home & new self, sth he achieved gradually ever since that ep ended, thus, Kisa’s ep is a yuki centered ep as well as it marked the beginning of (a) “mother tohru” issues, (b) him deciding to join student council & get out of his comfort zone which is the beginning of “ new yuki”.

se2 is indeed a yuki centered season.

se03 is not a tohru’s focus at all, we still had (akito, shigure, kyo, kureno, momiji, isuzi, haru, machi, motoko, & more yuki) to start or finish their arcs & it is 13 eps only. tho, Tohru had a self-focused role at last which is good.

-I believe the following format better describes the anime’s seasons’ division since it is driven by themes:

se01: Life teachings for the youngsters, due to the direct format of advise given by mother kyoko thro her daughter to the characters/ audience.

se02: Life teachings thro a coming of age story. The trio are struggling to choose a future, afraid & burdened by their trauma’s. Yuki with the help of “mother tohru” , leaves the nest “youngster stage” & sets his foot into the future & struggles to: have fiends, express himself, face his parents, be honest with himself, form an identity & understand himself.

se03: Life teachings of mature issues to those who have already chosen wrong once or twice. bigger issues are presented such as: guilt, death, trauma, extreme self-loath, self-destructive tendencies (kyo), grief, lack of self-esteem, refusing to let go of the past, abandonment issues, constructed polite girl identity with false happy mask (tohru), superiority complex, false forced identity, sins & misdeeds (akito), other themes such as adultery, manipulation, passiveness & enabling can fit the other characters.

So, naturally, season 3 is the richest in content, extremely entertaining story-focused, plot-driven, multi characters depth, plethora of themes, issues & variety of fascinating character writing to distinguish between various arcs & wrap ups. Honestly, se03 carries the whole success since it IS the story of Fruits Basket ( a basket of different fruits & we get to hear/see them all, including the rice-cake!). Still, se03 suffered from the issues of pacing & format I mentioned above, plus condensed content due to short number of eps dedicated to 12 characters.

2. Overall Vision:

Tohru being the main protagonist carries the story’s vision, however, I think Taklaya-san wanted the vision to expand to all her characters. I duno abt the author’s true vision since I haven’t read the manga, but if I were to guess based on the overall story: it is “the acceptance of human weakness”. Yuki isn't the perfect prince, tohru isn't the angelic mom, kyo isn't the horrible monster. These assumptions are the OTHER characters’ perspective of them. Not their true identity or reality. We later even learn that the abusive akito herself, chose a healthier identity, the atoned family head. However, in the anime, characters’ weakness isn’t the center of the anime’s vision, rather its vision is abt the “nurturing effects of the mother figure”, which is supported by the writing as well, but shouldn't be the core driving plot. The anime is more centered around mothers & more narrowly guided. The characters’ weaknesses takes a second seat until the focus on the mother role is over. This does not affect tohru only, but all characters including yuki himself.

-Tohru being the female protagonist shouldn’t be angelic as this contradicts the core theme, thus tohru is given her own set of (human aspects):  trauma, frustrating character traits, faulty coping mechanism: the fake happy mask. Her role as yuki’s mother is only ONE part of her, as big as it is his life & as huge as it is from his perspective. It should NOT be what the audience can only see & feel from tohru. If it is, then Tohru is forever the 16 year-old mother of her peers, sth a normal teenager shouldn't, contradicting the basic existence of the human aspects mentioned above.

a. How does the overall vision being focused on “tohru’s motherly role” affect characters’ depths?

-For Tohru: In the anime, tohru being yuki’s mother lasted for 2 seasons, during that time, we are ONLY allowed to see HER from HIS perspective. Everything abt her human weakness is either vaguely hinted “ few scenes here & there” or pushed to se03. In se01 & 2, tohru is only allowed to act as a “teenage girl” in front of two male characters: (kyo & momiji):

How is tohru depicted in front of kyo & momiji? If you re-watch the anime, once tohru is around these two, her character is very different & she stops giving advice & instead “listen” to them. She is shown more lively & drawn younger & girly, asking more than talking, receiving advice, they both look at her as a normal girl with burdens on her shoulder rather than “savior/care taker”. Kyo complains to her few times abt that & calls her out on her self-denying antics, momoji takes a different approach & subtly provides chances for her to be a “teenage girl”: going to a hot spring & vacation. She opens up to kyo slowly in all her scenes with him, but while she doesn't open up to momiji, she allows herself to show vulnerability & throw her mask a bit in front of him (se01, ep12: she listened to his talk abt his mom, related to him, cried & hugged him with NO advice even tho she didnt tell him abt her mom), se02, she listened to his talk abt his sister, related to him, cried & gave NO advice even tho she didnt tell him she thought abt her mom).

The anime’s heavy focus on her “motherly”side, contradicts showing her as vulnerable & traumatized, hence her backstory lasted for 4 minutes in her own ep, se03, ep6. Later when she faces akito, tohru’s growth kicks in & she starts relating to her issues of abandonment but all this growth came from those 4 minutes of backstory in ep6. In ep9, in front of akito, tohru was depicted just like how she is depicted in all yuki centered eps, ( giving an advice, smiling, a hallow of light around her, the sun rises, the rain stops & she shines her kindness to heal the wounds). 

-For Yuki: In the anime, Yuki is shown seeking a mother & all the right monologues & issues are perfectly presented. However, his weakness isn’t only wanting a mother!! yuki is depicted as a prince by others, so a huge part of his growth is to leave the princely persona behind, which is sth that was not focused on in the anime. Outside of his issues on viewing tohru as a mother & wanting friends, yuki continued to be depicted as prince & wasn't much allowed the freedom of being “a normal teenage boy”. Machi narrated that part of his growth, motoko too, but it wasnt depicted much on screen & yuki continued to have dashing bubbles, sparkles, hair flowing on wind & extreme focus on beautiful face. Him becoming a dynamic character outside of his “finishing my tohru-mother confession to my friend” is very short lived. This would’ve easily been fixed if less attention was given to his “mom tohru” phase. He is more than “I used to look at tohru as my mom”.

-For kyo: In the anime, kyo never looked at tohru as a mom, hence from the beginning kyo didn’t fit the overall vision. Hence, all his issues are pushed into se03 when tohru’s “mom role” is finished. There is a reason we have ONE kyo centered ep in se1 & 2. it IS contradicting the current tohru-image of being a mom. Also, kyo’s thoughts are blocked completely for dramatic purposes but he didnt need to be absent from tons of eps which he was, even his growth ever since se01 finale is very subtle in order to not derive from tohru’s image as a mom. We have some scenes of kyo & tohru interacting, but they should be sparse se01, ep 23 (soup ep) or se02, ep2, or short scenes such kyoto scene or tohru’s worried abt her grandpa scene in se2, ep14. Most of kyo’s & tohru’s scenes aren’t solely romantic in their nature but they provide in depth peek into their true personality & identity as humans. With her kyo isn’t angry or annoyed & with him tohru isn’t bubbly with the “I’m okay” mask.

Side Notes:

There is no doubt that the anime was made with respect & love to the source material & the author. I can see this clearly & I don’t deny it at all. This isn’t meant to ridicule them at all. I respect them all plenty.

There is no doubt that the anime team were trying their best & if you like everything, then good for you, if you like some parts & don’t agree with others, then that’s fine. Criticizing is a form of loving, too. Just be respectful.

Preferences, tastes, visions, & outlooks, all differ from one human to another. This is normal & healthy.

The director or decision maker in the anime having different vision from the author is fine, too. After all, he’s a different person. His perspective & understanding of her characters is different. Disagreeing with him is fine. All medium of art are exposed to the audience perspective. I disagree with him on lots of creative decisions such as reliance on monologues, wide shots on intense moments, lack of zoom on facial expressions, most parallel scenes are very in the nose, need for exaggerated drama & over dramatic drawing of tohru & akito at times.

You can even differ with the writer herself on some parts of her writing, that’s fine, too.

I enjoyed this anime lots, it helped me make new friends, discuss lots of fascinating content, & practiced writing short critical reviews, which is sth I’ve missed from my college days!

I love the writing for the main male characters: Yuki & Kyo. I love their arcs so much! Yuki got the best focus on his core issues. Kyo, in particular surprised me as I used to think, due to the minimum content on him, that he’s only the secondary rival of the main male protagonist. But kyo’s story turned out fascinating & very psychological informed. 

Still, the anime is lacking to me for its depiction & presentation of women. The main female characters (Tohru & akito) are lacking realistic depiction of their core issues & time dedicated to that.  The focus on tohru’s mom role steals from realistic existence as a character on her own right. Akito is a villain for so long & her atonement is quick & her love story is quicker. Both females didn’t get to tell us their traumatic backstory in detail like the boys & they didn’t have enough focus on their human side.

Altho kyo had (1) way less screen time than yuki or even tohru, (2) his true backstory was only revealed in the climax, (3) his inner thoughts were blocked for suspense, he was written wearing his emotions on his sleeve from ep1, so, we grew to feel for him & dreaded what could’ve broken such endearing boy, hence, once it was shown we understood the psychological trauma that destroyed him. One third of the puzzle of his story was revealed each season gradually. (1) se01 (true form), (2) se02 (his bet with akito, knowing kyoko & loving tohru), (3) se03 (His whole backstory including the abusive father).

I wouldn’t say, I wish tohru was given the (yuki treatment) cuz then we’ll need more than 13 eps for se03, I just wished her story & emotions to at least be given the (kyo treatment): Divided into clear thirds (parts).

The anime is a lovely treat that I can recommend to lots of ppl with ease. You dont have to be into shojo to get into it, but it’ll undoubtedly trick you into its subtle main love story that subvert most shojo tropes. The other love stories are good as well, there’s a type of love for every fan!

There’s a number of platonic friendships which is very refreshing! 

My Final Verdict of the anime: Very Endearing as it tugs at my heart!

[elminx]

Energy Update: September 2021

Happy September!

Numerologically, September is a 5 universal month [9 (September) + 5 (2021) = 14 = 1+4 = 5] in a 5 universal year. In numerology, the number 5 represents the pivotal moment in the middle of it all. It holds the vastness of all futures – both good and ill. 5 represents freedom and adventure. A 5 month is, in general, a time to tap in and go with the flow – it’s not a time to make your lists and check them twice; instead, it’s a time to think big and say “yes”. We’ve been sitting in 5 energy all year so this may feel like a bit of a homecoming for some or very nerve-wracking for others. This will have a lot to do with your own personality and comfortability with 5 energy.

Astrologically, the month of September is a mismatch for our 5 universal energy. We spend most of the month in Virgo season and may have to spend quite a bit of time putting in the work to catch up on things that we fell behind on during summer vacation. Whether it’s back to school or back to work, Virgo season always has a feeling of settling into your routines again or perhaps finding a new and more healthful routine.

The Setup

The Sun is in Virgo for most of the month, Mercury spends the entirety of the month in Libra, Venus finishes her stint in Libra and moves ahead into Scorpio, and Mars enters Libra at the midway point in the month. As our planets transit through Virgo, they are squaring off with the lunar nodes, trining retrograde Uranus in Taurus and Pluto in Capricorn, and opposing retrograde Neptune in Pisces. As they transit Libra, they are reactivating our Saturn-Uranus square through a trine to Saturn, trine to retrograde Jupiter, and opposing retrograde Chiron in Aries. Venus whose the head of our pack will be squaring off with Saturn and opposing Uranus once she enters Scorpio.

We are still under the effect of our Saturn in Aquarius square to Uranus in Taurus – this is our Unstoppable Force meets immovable object energy that is in effect throughout the rest of the year.

Additionally, we are deep into retrograde season with all of our outer and transpersonal planets in retrograde. Mercury will join these planets later this month for its third retrograde of the year in the sign of Libra.

For a sneak peek of October: Mercury, Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto all station direct from 10/6-10/18 – this is the Green Light you’ve been waiting for. Now we just need to get there.

The Nitty Gritty

September is filled with contradictory vibes and may feel like a roller coaster. One day you may feel invincible and full of the highest highs but it is worth keeping in mind all month that what goes up must come down. We are all subject to gravity – plan accordingly. In particular, the first and third weeks of the month look fairly rocky while the third and fourth weeks have promise and moments of sweetness. This is a month to tidy up – to work smarter rather than harder. To pair down your responsibilities and make sure you are maintaining healthy boundaries around work, play, and excess.

The 5 energy may give the impression that it’s go time but it’s really not. Not yet. We will have six planets and Chiron retrograde by the end of the month which is always an indication that our energy is best expressed in an inward fashion.

Two of our personal planets (Venus and Mars) change signs this month which will personalize the energy with some emphasis on the relationships in our lives. While Mars is in Libra, we may be called to balance out the relationship energy we share with our others in some way – early on Mars will make an opposition to our wounded healer Chiron in Aries – there is pain to go through to get to the other side. Venus in Scorpio can be harsh and unyielding but also deep and seductive. These two energies do not sit well together, Venus may try to control (especially with emotions – using toxic tactics like the silent treatment or double binds) while Mars just wants everybody to find peace and get along. The more space you can give your others, the better off you will be.

Relationships may be especially tense around the new moon in Virgo on 9/5-9/6 as Venus in Libra squares of with retrograde Pluto in Capricorn while Mars in Virgo makes a trine. This year is all about transformations – first, we need to transform internally, but then this transformation needs to ripple outward and into our realities. There may be some break-ups and breakdowns during this time – it is likely that some long-term partners (Capricorn rules marriage, let’s not forget) are starting to realize that their connection has run its course.

In a year when it feels like we need to hold onto everything (influenced by our long-term Saturn-Uranus square in the fixed signs), this may feel catastrophic. Uranus in Taurus has a big lesson for us now: nothing lasts forever and retrograde Pluto in Capricorn is reinforcing this lesson. Now is the time to release what you have outgrown. It will likely feel very uncomfortable this month to continue to wear your mostly shed skin. As you navigate this energy, make the choices that are best suited for who you would most like to be, and you alone.

Herein lies the secret to navigating this month and really the energy of all of 2021: give up the illusion that you can control or “help” other people, and instead work controlling and “helping” yourself. As Anne Lamott says “Help is just the sunny side of control.” We are being pushed by our Saturn-Uranus square towards an ever-deepening understanding of this lesson and, since Virgo is a sign concerned with service and helping others, this will be especially accentuated as our sun transits the sign of the virgin. The lesson may come due on 9/14 as our Sun in Virgo opposed retrograde Neptune in Pisces – this is a day to give up the illusion (Neptune in Pisces) that we can control (Sun in Virgo) our Others.

Especially right now, our Others may be on an internal journey that is impossible for us to reach or understand. We’ve all had to make hard decisions and recalculations since the beginning of 2020 – beware of following your Others to a place that feels uncomfortable to be AND most especially of demanding your Others follow you to a place that feels uncomfortable for them. Be especially aware of projection and the illusionary stories that you tell yourself – especially as we approach our full moon in Pisces on 9/20 that is conjunct Neptune retrograde. As we enter our month to finally get shit done in October, we want to do so with our eyes wide open. See things as they really are, not as you would like them to be.

The entirety of September and October will be overshadowed by our Mercury retrograde in Libra cycle. Mercury enters its shadow on 9/6, officially retrogrades 9/27, stations direct again on 10/28, and doesn’t exit its post-shadow until November. The standard Mercury retrograde things apply: get your car fixed before the retrograde (change your oil, too!), double-check your work, save often, and watch out for miscommunication and upsets involving technology and travel. Because Mercury Chthonia is transversing backward through the Venus-ruled sign of Libra, this is another indication that this time will be spent re-thinking, re-imagining, re-editing things that have to do within our most personal relationships.

Mercury Chthonia’s path spans from 10° to 25° of Libra which means that it will trine retrograde Jupiter, just barely miss an exact trine with retrograde Saturn, square retrograde Pluto, and opposed retrograde Chiron not once but thrice through its retrograde journey. This will likely be the densest retrograde cycle of the year but potentially the most rewarding. If the message seems murky and unclear, write out your experiences for review after Mercury stations direct – you may find that there were hints of your lesson that you were too “in it” to see.

The lower energy of Libra is prone to emotional entanglements and codependency so it’s likely we will be revisiting these themes in our own lives during this time. Watch out for where you are not allowing your Others to differentiate or be themselves. Watch out for where you are stifling yourself to please your Others as well. Chiron in Aries is always a lesson in putting on your own mask first BEFORE you step up help an/Other put their mask on. Again, see above about maintaining strong boundaries this month – do less but make what you do count for more.

Balance truly is the way through this month but it may be hard to find. Practice your very best self-care and make sure that when you say “yes” to things, you really mean it. This is a month that could easier run away from you if you’re checking out on yourself or trying to do all of the things with no hand on the brake petal. Breath and put one foot in front of the other – slow and steady will get you to the finish line. Once our planets station direct in October, we will be able to move faster.

Below, I’ve broken down the important daily aspects of the month. Please keep in mind that the days listed are just the days that these aspects go exact in EST – strong aspects can be felt anywhere from 2-7 days (or more!) in advance of their completion and for a number of days afterward. I have bolded the most important aspects.

The Aspects

9/2 – Mars in Virgo opposed Neptune retrograde in Pisces, Moon in Cancer square Venus in Libra – this could spell relationship troubles. Mars is off in daydream land while Venus is feeling triggered. Lie low and try not to put undue pressure on your Others during these transits.

9/3 – Mercury in Libra trine N. Node in Gemini – watch out for Ah-Ha moments and signs that show you a way forward on this day.

9/4 – Moon in Leo squares retrograde Uranus in Taurus – here we see one of our four monthly days where the moon reactivates our Saturn-Uranus square. Lie low. Stay aware. Caution.

9/5 – Mercury in Libra trine retrograde Saturn in Aquarius – the energy is volatile – expect breakdowns and breakthroughs especially involving communication about long term things

9/6 – New moon at 14° Virgo, Mercury enters their shadow, Venus in Libra trine Jupiter retrograde in Aquarius, Venus in Libra square Pluto retrograde in Capricorn, Mars in Virgo trine Pluto retrograde in Capricorn – Pluto’s influence on this new moon (through both Venus and Mars) is unmistakeable – something has got to transform. With both and Venus and Mars involved, it may be a change within your relationships. Remember to reach for balance (Venus in Libra) and compromise if it is available.

9/7 – Sun in Virgo trine retrograde Uranus in Taurus – expect (and embrace) the unexpected during this time. What you hold onto too tightly may break. Stay away from the illusion of control during this time.

9/8 – Moon conjunct Mercury in Libra, Moon in Libra trine retrograde Saturn in Aquarius, Moon and Mercury opposed retrograde Chiron in Aries – this is an air grand trine which means that we are supporting in learning something during this transit. This re-activates our Saturn-Uranus square and Chiron – the lesson is likely to be heavy. Avoid using your emotions as a copout to understanding.

9/10 – Venus enters Scorpio, Moon in Scorpio square retrograde Saturn in Aquarius – this is our first hint as to what it is going to feel like to revisit our Saturn-Uranus square during Scorpio season. Take note.

9/13 – Moon in Sagittarius square retrograde Neptune in Pisces – something may be revealed today and it may feel like a major setback. Pivot your attention and focus on things that you CAN change.

9/14 – Sun in Virgo opposed retrograde Neptune in Pisces, Mars enters Libra – a repeat on 9/13 – you may not have all of the information. All that glitters is not gold. Watch out for “helper” behavior that isn’t helpful and victim/savior complexes.

9/16 – Moon conjunct retrograde Saturn in Aquarius – this is another of our four lunar activation points to our Saturn-Uranus square. Make sure the weight of the responsibility you are carrying is actually yours.

9/17 – Sun in Virgo trine retrograde Pluto in Capricorn, Venus in Scorpio square Saturn retrograde in Aquarius – in a month that begs for transformation, this is one of our powerhouse days – level up. Change may be uncomfortable but it will be even more uncomfortable to stay in your too-tight skin. Watch out for the control through emotional manipulation because this again activates our Saturn-Uranus square and Uranus is not having any of that shit.

9/20 – Full moon at 28° Pisces, Moon conjunct retrograde Neptune, Mercury in Libra trine Jupiter retrograde in Aquarius, Mars in Libra trine N. Node in Gemini – where are you going? do you have a path forward? Things may seem foggy and immutable at this time. Watch out for your boundaries and projection. The Mercury-Jupiter trine repeats during Mercury retrograde on 10/3.

9/22 – The Sun enters Libra, Mercury in Libra square retrograde Pluto in Capricorn, Venus in Scorpio opposed retrograde Uranus in Taurus – Happy Autumnal Equinox! The seasons are shifting but there’s a metric fuckton of tension in the air. Tamper down the emotional volatility – not everything needs to be a struggle. Tap into the Libra ideal of peace and balance for all. The Mercury-Pluto square repeats during Mercury retrograde on 10/01.

9/24 – Moon conjunct retrograde Uranus in Taurus, Moon in Taurus opposed Venus in

Scorpio – there’s a lesson here in letting go of control. This reactivates our Saturn-Uranus square…again. Step away from the Venus in Scorpio impulse for revenge.

9/25 – Mars in Libra trine retrograde Saturn in Aquarius – this is a good day to put in the work.

9/26 – Moon in Gemini trine Sun and Mars in Libra and retrograde Saturn in Aquarius. – another air grand trine. Show up for your own life – what you focus on grows.

9/27 – Mercury retrograde at 25° Libra – go slow. check your work. save often. Mercury retrograde 3-4x every year since this is normal Astrological Weather but still important to pay attention to. In the sign of Libra, Mercury will likely help you to rebalance something about your relationships.

9/29 – Sun in Libra trine Saturn retrograde in Aquarius, Venus in Scorpio trine retrograde Neptune in Pisces – you may want to work but it’s likely that your head will be in the clouds. Watch out for emotional dysregulation. The Sun activates our Saturn-Uranus square so caution would be advised.

9/30 – Moon in Cancer square Mercury retrograde in Libra, Moon in Cancer opposed retrograde Pluto in Capricorn, Venus in Scorpio square retrograde Jupiter in Aquarius – go slow, emotions are high. Misunderstandings will have a lasting impact during this time.

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[chalkrevelations]

OK. Ep 26 of Word of Honor.

(As always, spoilers, so scroll past and come back, if that’s not your bag right now.)

You know what? Let’s defy expectations and start with Xie’er and his Awful Yifu for this one, since apparently we’re going to spend the obligatory mid-episode extended emo-porn scene on Awful Yifu spinning, spinning, spinning his web of lies and deceit as he works his hardest to keep gaslighting the hell out of Xie Wang. Oh my god, Xie’er, you know the truth already, you don’t have to get Tragicomic Ghost to confirm it, you just don’t want to believe it. No, things will never be settled, and you know it. YES. Yes, he IS humiliating you. He also murdered your yimu, who you appear to have had some affection for, if your tone of voice when you said “Yimu …” means anything, and it probably does, with someone as affection-starved as you are.

So, all of this booted me straight back into the parallels between the Zhao Jing-Xie Wang relationship and the Prince Jin-Zhou Zishu relationship. Zhao Jing has effectively eliminated literally murdered any competing relationship in Xie’er’s life, just as Prince Jin was willing to let Zhou Zishu’s sect get entirely killed off, leaving ZZS alone and isolated. Awful Yifu explicitly compares the Scorpions to Tian Chuang, which touches on a comparison of Xie Wang and Zhou Zishu that’s always just lying around to pick up, as two young prodigies heading mega-successful assassin organizations (plus the fact that they seem to have crossed paths enough in the past for ZZS to know something about the Scorpions and to be very interested in going to their lair and messing up shit, even when he’s worked so hard at leaving everything else from his palace life behind). Zhao Jing also talks about how he relied on Xie Wang above everyone else and presses hard on themes of secrecy, anonymity, and darkness – “I had you support me in the dark” – that echo the motto of Tian Chuang: “Shadows without traces. Entry without exit. Know everything. Be everywhere. Prince Jin requested me to accomplish these four things when I created Window of Heaven,” Zhou Zishu said back in Ep 1. And now it’s also the poor yifu stories, about how Zhao Jing was in a terrible situation and just trying to help, but this unreasonable woman wouldn't let him, just like Prince Jin was in a terrible situation but couldn’t do anything because the previous Prince Jin wouldn’t listen to reason. Oh, and the hugs. We’re doing the hugs, just like Prince Jin when he really truly no really needed his cousin Zhou Zishu’s help so badly because who else could he depend on. (Stop touching them, you scumbags.) We’re family, you know, and that makes you special to me. Zhao Jing: Don’t abandon this relationship. Prince Jin: How can you leave me when everyone else has left me?

So, all that happened.

Meanwhile, we’re getting the repetition of the theme “Don’t fail me and I won’t fail you,” in the Xie Wang - Zhao Jing – Luo Fu Meng storyline, and I don’t know if this is worded as a mutual pact or as an “if, then” scenario (i.e., mutual agreement to just not fail each other, vs. if you don’t fail me, then I won’t fail you), and I think it’s been translated both ways in the subtitles. At any rate, I submit that it’s the ZZS/WKX relationship (and possibly the Cao Weining/Gu Xiang relationship, as its parallel) where we’re actually seeing this exact theme of faith and loyalty play out, although I don’t know if that will ever be made explicit in the text of the show. I’d actually go even further and say that, at least for Zhou Zishu, at this point, it could be said that “Even if you fail me, I won’t fail you.” I mean, let’s look at this: Just as Gu Xiang does in a previous ep, Wen Kexing’s response to the new big gossip in the jianghu re: Ghost Valley is NOT to tell his fiancé anything about his past, but to beat it out of town for home before Zhou Zishu (Cao Weining) can hear anything about it. Just as Gu Xiang does, Wen Kexing continues in stealth mode, and wow, ZZS’s face when he walks away after WKX claims he couldn’t find the painter in town, but don’t worry, he totally heard about this other guy he’s gonna go see eventually. Wen Kexing. He knows you are lying and yet he continues to respect the boundaries you are setting anyway. (He’s not happy about it, though. He’s kind of pissy at dinner. Poor Chengling.) He’s opened up to you about his deepest darkest secrets and failures and awful deeds, without blinking, trusting that it wouldn’t scare you away, with absolute faith that you’ll continue to be there. Maybe instead of waxing poetically mournful about the sunset (of your relationship), you could return that faith and let him know who you are. I realize you continue to be terrified of getting what you want, so terrified that all you can do is mentally and emotionally curl up into the smallest target possible, protecting all the tenderest and most vulnerable places, but we are in the place for healing wounded animals, and I really need you to get off the mental hamster wheel and THINK.

Anyway, while I don’t think ZZS could have gotten away with this lack of poker face as head of Tian Chuang – although who knows, maybe that’s actually the reason they cover their faces – I appreciate the acting/directing choice to have these expressions happen anyway, to clue us in that ZZS is a really smart guy, and he (unlike Cao Weining) knows what WKX (A-Xiang) isn’t telling him. (Also, it means Zhang Zhehan’s face, doing things. Anything. Whatever he wants to make it do … Anyway.)

Something’s got to break loose soon. Meanwhile, a few random thoughts:

Does … does that opening scene of Wen Kexing dreaming of protecting his puppy from those little brats have shades of his adopting A-Xiang, with related shades of his own shixiong-shidi relationship with Zhou Zishou that maybe possibly influenced his adoption of A-Xiang? I now have this mental image of him telling this story over family dinner, and A-Xiang as Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally: “I’m the dog?” Meanwhile, a mysterious stranger enters, and baby WKX is already smart enough to recognize Stranger Danger and not give out his name. If Drunk-Like-A-Dream shows you your greatest desires, what tf does all this mean? (Also, I think at the point where everyone in your household needs downers to sleep, it might be time to consider some therapy.)

If Tragicomic Ghost actually did go to the Healer Valley for treatment, it would explain that odd comment about not being able to saving WKX’s dad in a previous ep.

Finally, I know, Fan Shishu, A-Xiang is delightful, isn’t she! Nevertheless, you’re giving her some strange looks over dinner that I find possibly a bit concerning. However, in the dictionary under “cinnamon roll” there’s a picture of Cao Weining. I CANNOT with the way he and Gu Xiang look at each other. I love them so much, it makes me actually, literally clutch my chest with joy.

[pynkhues]

(1/2) Hey, I'm the anon from the last request. Just have a few follow up q's if you're alright with that (dont have a tumblr to message directly rip)? With Gerri, its strange that she's Shiv's godmother yet both Shiv and Roman dont really know her in the pilot- was there a prior schism? Also did not know about St Andrews, if its not a military school then do you think it adds another layer to the dog kennel story?

(2/2- sorry!) I get what you mean when you say he also coddles Roman but to me its the emotional detachment thats striking. Like in the car post-slapgate, its obvs awks from the slap but they also don't seem to have natural connection or conversation vs Logan and car scenes with the others. There's also the references to him beating Roman (not to say he didn't beat the others but its only Roman mentioned). I think in s3, his new status as fave son might bring up some old wounds for Roman.

(x)

Hey! Ooo, these are really great follow ups, thank you! I hope you don't mind me breaking them into sections!

Is it strange that Shiv and Roman don't really know Gerri well in the pilot?

It is strange, but I also think it's just the result of a few things being shuffled around post-pilot. Pilots are usually shot months if not a whole year before the first season is as the point of them is to sell the network on the show. In that sense, they're effectively proof-of-concept tools and so it's common for things to change. I'm not sure if you're a crossover anon, haha, but I talk a lot about Good Girls as well, and the pilot of that even had a completely different lead actress they had to do re-shoots around for 1.01.

Jesse Armstrong, the Succession showrunner, has said that a few things were shuffled around after the pilot – one of the biggest things for instance is that Roman wears a wedding ring in the pilot and Grace is supposed to be his wife (she's even listed as Grace Roy in 1.01 on IMDB!) and Isla their daughter together. They changed that after the pilot though because they thought it worked better with Grace as just his girlfriend, and Isla as Grace's daughter, not his.

I think Gerri's role in the show really bulked up between the pilot and episode 2, and that's why there's more distance between the Roy kids and Gerri in the first couple of episodes than there is later in the season. Gosh, even the fact that she's not at Logan's 80th birthday party in the pilot feels so weird now with how much they've shifted her role in the family, haha.

Rest of the answers under the cut!

Does St. Andrew's not being a military school when Roman attended add another layer to the dog kennel plot?

Yeah, I think it does, but I also think more than anything, it's reiterating what's already there. That entire subplot is really steeped in how Kendall, Roman and Connor all have different memories of this same game. For Roman it's formative, for Kendall it's just a memory of a childish game, and for Connor, it's seen as through older eyes and, more than anything, an insight into their father, not an insight into Roman and Kendall.

In a lot of ways, Roman stressing that St Andrew's was a military school when it wasn't undermines his own memory of the game, just as Connor telling him it wasn't dogfood it was chocolate cake does, just as Connor telling him he asked to be sent away does. Does that make it any less real for Roman? I don't think so. It's obviously something he's remembered as traumatic, and it resulted in a very real, tangible removal of him from Manhattan, where Kendall and Shiv stayed and went to school. Regardless of whether or not it was military school, it was a boarding school, and I think that feeling of distance and isolation was likely very real.

I'm really curious though about Connor's different stories to Kendall and Roman. He tells Roman that he asked to be sent away, and Kendall that their dad sent Roman because you separate fighting dogs and you send the weak one away so that everyone knows the hierarchy. The interesting thing though to me is that I think Connor was telling the truth in both instances, but the former does make the latter read differently.

If Roman wanted to go, it undermines Connor's memory of Logan, because Logan was not only giving Roman what he wanted, but he was giving Roman greater freedom, greater independence, greater agency at an outdoorsy boarding school that wasn't actually a military school at all. So does that mean that Logan saw Roman as the weak dog, or Kendall? Who he kept close and on a short leash in the comfort of home?

Kendall obviously takes Connor at his word, but I'm not so sure that we're supposed to as an audience. I think the story can be read in a lot of different ways, and more than anything, I think it can be read as Logan understanding that Kendall and Roman were not (and are not) the same, and needed different things as children. How that can be spun though is anyone's guess.

Are Logan and Roman emotionally distant?

That's an interesting point about the emotional distance there. I think there is and there isn't? Logan obviously dotes on Shiv and pendulums between coddling, controlling and bullying Kendall, but I think both of those things are more just indicative of really different dynamics. Roman's clearly got a 'class clown' sort of personality that Logan obviously doesn't appreciate and struggles to deal with, particularly given he's a pretty humourless guy (gosh, I think a lot about the fact that one of the only times we've seen Logan actually laugh was when the kids didn't want to see their mum, haha).

In that sense though, I think Logan doesn't understand Roman. It comes back to what I said in the other post – I actually do think Logan sees Roman's strengths, and the fact that Roman doesn't utilise them is, I think to Logan, unforgivable. Logan had to claw his way out of abject poverty through whatever it was he could get, and while Shiv, Kendall and Connor lack, I think Logan looks at Roman and sees waste.

It's why he doesn't have a stomach for the jokes, or the immaturity, and I think contributes to this failure to connect emotionally because he doesn't understand Roman in the way that he understands Shiv's rebellion and Kendall's foibles.

The aftermath of him hitting Roman is interesting too, because I actually think Logan's not trying to create distance in the aftermath, I think he's trying to re-write history to preserve his sense of self. He offers the untruth to Roman as an opening – a map for them to navigate unstable and uncertain terrain, and Roman takes it and follows his lead because he doesn't know how to navigate it either.

Does that make it right or forgiveable? Absolutely not – Logan hit his son, and trying to make everyone pretend that that never happened is an awful example of gaslighting – but I also find it really indicative of the cycle of abuse. We know that Noah was horrifically abusive to Logan, as seen by the scars on his back, and I actually get the impression that Logan tried not to be abusive to his children, but sometimes was because of his temper and his health.

Like, I think when he struck Iverson in the thanksgiving ep it was the first time he'd ever raised a hand to one of his grandchildren, especially given the reaction of people, and even hitting Roman summoned a pretty huge reaction from people, and seemed not to be something Roman was prepared for. It also I think stems back to that point of Logan not knowing how to handle Roman (or Iverson!) and resorting to violence he very quickly regrets because for a man who runs the news, he very rarely utilises words.

Logan was raised in violence, and I think it's a language he's both fluent in and has tried to reject, but one he falls back on when he can no longer communicate.

It's wrong, and awful, of course, but I think it's really interesting because I think it's deliberately a part of this broader theme with the Roy's about how fractured their communication with one another is. They don't know how to connect or talk to each other, and so frequently that breaks down into violence, whether to each other or themselves or to the collateral damage - the NRPIs.

I totally agree though that I think some Thoughts around all of this is likely to resurface for Roman in season 3, especially as Logan no doubt starts to lean on him as the new heir.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Left and Right Back Pockets, Red and Green, Black and White

Most of the credit for these observations goes to @wdway, but I have some @frangipanilove in here, too. We’ve had detailed discussions about these things.  😉 And I think you all will find some interest here. It’s a great example of how these symbols all intertwine.

@wdway:

I'm going to share a rabbit hole I went down almost two weeks ago. I've been spending a little time each day looking at a few episodes and this may be hard to believe but what I thought would be straightforward and fairly quick turned out to have several side tunnels. Who would have guessed? 

Daryl a year from when we first saw him at his river camp. He just passed the two iron steaks in the tree and is taking drinks from his green water bottle when Dog runs up to him. My eyes went to the red rag in his back pocket. I got to thinking about the fact that we have not seen the rag in a long time. Or at least, I didn't think we had, but here, in Daryl's memory of the past, he has this red rag which to me screams RED FLAG. 

That rag was part of his costume from the beginning of the series. It was always hanging out of his right back pocket. I believe tptb decided to feature it in s4 and to use it as a half of a symbol representing Daryl & Beth. Daryl's red rag & Beth's green journal.

(Ignore the bit about Aaron. This is from a different theory and I was too lazy to take another one.  😉 )

The shots of Daryl on the path in FM reminded me of another similar shot from Alone. I'm going to do a comparison of the two shots 1) will be from FM. 2) will be from Alone.

1) Daryl carrying a Green backpack. 

2) Daryl carrying Beth Greene. 

1) Daryl with a Green water bottle. 

2) Beth Greene = water. 

1) Red rag in Daryl's right back pocket. 

2) Red rag in Daryl's right back pocket. 

1) Daryl's left back pocket holds a map (paper) of his journey for the last year(s). 

2) Beth's left back pocket that above Daryl's holds her journal (paper) of her last year(s). 

1) Dog=Beth. 

2) Beth.

I asked myself, how long has it been since we've seen Daryl with the red rag in his back pocket? I did an episode search to find out. We last saw it in what I think of as a two-episode storyline that ended season 6, Last Day On Earth and began season 7, The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be.

The first shot is from s6e16. We barely see the red rag in Daryl's pocket as he's taking a swing at Negan which leads to Glenn's death. The second shot is from s7e1. 

Again, we barely see the red rag in his pocket as Dwight is loading Daryl into the van to go to the Sanctuary. We never see the red rag in Daryl's pocket again. Until the flashbacks in FM.

We have seen Daryl with something in his right back pocket starting in s6 through the present: a black and white bandana. 

The funny thing is, that too, or one just like it, was featured in S4. We saw Daryl wear it as a mask when he was digging graves. 

We then saw him give it to Beth in Inmates. She put grapes in it and wore it tied to the left side of her belt. Which ties both the red rag and the black and white bandana to both Beth and Daryl.

Thinking of the red rag as a half symbol representing Daryl & Beth, there was another symbol of Beth that Daryl wore on his left side that we first saw in s4, Beth's knife. She wore it on her right side in Still and then in Alone, they found a gun for her and she switched it to her left side. In s5e10, Them, Daryl started wearing her knife on his left side, his knife on his right. The last time we saw him wear the knife was in s6e11, Knots Untie, just a few episodes before the red rag disappeared from his costume.

Like I mentioned before, I've been searching through episodes. I did not search every episode from S4 through the present, but I searched quite a few and I didn’t see the red rag again. At least, not Daryl wearing it, and that really bothered me because it seemed like I had seen it recently.

The other day, I watched s10e10, Stalker. This was an episode that we had high hopes for because of the 10/10 paper clock in Beth's room at Grady. There was hope of seeing Beth, or at least having some major clues about her, and yet there didn't seem to be anything major. We saw symbolism of her, of course. Especially in the garage scene, there is a white T-Bird with an open trunk, red fire extinguishers, an open roof. Then, when I watched the episode the other day, it clicked and things just fell into place. Things I had seen so many times in my re-watches suddenly had new meaning and new symbolism.

Daryl hiding behind a tool chest. On the other side is the open trunk car. Look what's hanging from the cabinet door next to him, or more importantly, to the right side of him. It's a RED RAG, just like what he wore in his right back pocket until a few episodes after Beth's knife disappeared. 

Speaking of back pockets as in seen from the back. If you had any doubts of tptb's meaning this one was the major hints we were looking for but just didn't see.

Ever so convenient that there happened to have been a piece of the cabinet cut out and we can see Daryl eyes peeking over from the back with the RED RAG on his right side. Also in this shot is a yellow mop bucket, similar to the ones that we saw both with Beth at Grady and with Daryl at the Sanctuary.

It's pretty obvious that tptb wanted us to see the damn knife in Daryl's left leg along with the red rag just behind his right side. I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but I'm going to point it out, anyway. It was Beth's left leg that was hurt in Alone and she switched her knife from her right side to her left, which is also the side on which Daryl wore her knife.

Another thing I want to point out is that starting in s9, Daryl wore 2 knives, one on each side. We saw him after the time jump in e7, Stradivarius wearing the 2 knives along with the black & white bandana in his back right-side pocket. If you go to s9e14, Scars in both the present time and the flashback set 9 months after Rick's body went missing, Daryl is wearing 2 knives and the black & white bandana.

In FM, Daryl is only wearing one knife on his right side, no knife on his left. A red rag in his right back pocket that he hadn't worn since s7e1, in his left back pocket a paper Journal I meant map haha. One more note, he's holding his Greene water bottle in his right hand. What does all of this mean?

My theory is that the red rag represents Daryl and the time when he was part of a couple with Beth. He was the red to her green. Even more importantly than that, I believe the writers are using the red rag as a red flag that what Daryl remembers is not correct. What we're seeing in his telling of his story to Carol is intensely colored both figuratively and literally by his PTSD, his self-inflicted loneliness and desire to belong to someone. His wounded plea for someone to find him. I'm not crying, you're crying. Who am I kidding? We're all crying for Daryl.

This is from e1 of this season, Lines We Cross. It is the scene where Carol has just got off the boat and is talking to Ezekiel and in the background, we see Daryl and Connie talking. The camera focuses on Daryl and Connie, so it's obvious that tptb wanted us to focused and on his back pockets. (I certainly do not have a problem with them focusing on his sweet behind haha.)

The writers’ goal would be for the general audience to realize that Daryl has a book on sign language in his back pocket. This makes a very sweet statement about Daryl taking the extra step to find a book so he could communicate with Connie.

For me, this is showing a lot of other things. First, it is drawing attention to his back pockets which will be a theme through this season, especially at the end of e21 when tptb somewhat more subtly focuses on Daryl's back pockets, where he has the black and white bandana that I believe represents Beth. That part I've already talked about before, so let me just make a couple of statements about this scene, this particular shot.

Yes, there is a sign language book in the left back pocket, the back pocket that Beth carried her diary and where she put the Washington DC spoon. This is a very significant, symbolic, purposeful decision the writers made. Anything that Daryl carries in his left back pocket symbolically ties to Beth.

The way I interpret what I am seeing is that the book is obviously a representation of Connie. It means that there is a tie or will be a tie between her (remember this is the first episode) and Beth in the season. In hindsight, Connie was in the cave and possibly dead. Then she was just gone/missing, and there has been a search for her. 

The other thing I want to point out is you can see a little bit of the black and white bandana in Daryl's right pocket in this shot. He originally carried his red rag, and now he has carried this black and white bandana. The most important thing that comes away from this is that the writers made the decision at the beginning of the season about his bandana and which pockets were used to tie Daryl to a particular character.

@frangipanilove:

I want to thank you for tracing the red rag, because that was something I wanted to do, but never got around to. I share your opinion on how it stood out when it appeared again in his flashback. And I do agree that it’s a red flag.

There are other red flags as well. I think they all point to resurrection. I believe the red plastic bag hanging from an antenna of a car in Coda is a RED FLAG. I feel like red flag = red flag, like the ones you get when you get signals that something not quite right.

So, you say it’s showing that Daryl’s not remembering right, I’d probably choose different words to explain it but essentially, I interpret it in a similar way. Backpack and back pocket = “come back”, return, resurrection, Sirius symbolism.

Map is synonymous with Beth’s DC spoon, which she put in her back pocket and later in her backpack. We also see a representation of this symbolism when Daryl shows up in 10x1 with an ASL book in his back pocket. It’s a reference to Beth’s green notebook she kept in her back pocket but also a reference to Daryl’s “the signs are all there, you just gotta know how to read them.”

The backpack symbolism is something we saw when Daryl carried Beth piggyback style across the cemetery, a parallel to Carol throwing the backpack across the river in FM. The wings on Daryl’s BACK are also a part of this symbolism. We saw how the vest was laying in the ground on the episode where Denise died. He also drank the Danville bridge whiskey, which is a reference to the bridge symbolism about crossing over the river/crossing over to the dead side.

About the red rag in 10x10, we did discuss it, and it stood out, but to me I didn’t know where to place it in the greater scope of the symbolism back then, and honestly I’d kind of forgotten it since, so thanks for bringing it back around again. Again, I believe it stands for resurrection, and we saw it in relation to the t-bird(BIRD) with open trunk. Bird = helicopter, trunk = resurrection. Helicopter + resurrection is a reference to how Rick survived (remember, he fell of the BRIDGE between the realms of the living and the dead, he was washed up on the bank of the river, rejected by the death realm)

@twdmusicboxmystery:

The only thing I want to add to this has to do with an edit I made quite a long time ago. As @frangi already said, this left/right theme extends to Daryl’s wings. So it was significant and purposeful that when Beth hugged him in still, she laid her cheek against his left wing. That’s the one that represents her, so it’s only fitting.

In thinking about this, I got to thinking about how Daryl lost one of the wings on his vest. We’ve always assumed that represented Beth because, clearly, he lost her. But I’m rethinking that a bit, now. Especially given that at the beginning of FM, when he sits by the river, his wing is still present on his vest.

Judith made him a new wing in Morningstar and sort of “gave him back” his lost wing, right?

And I’m not saying this ISN’T a foreshadow of Beth. It very well may be. But we also find, again and again, that these symbols have multiple meanings. Based on this left/right evidence, I simply want to put another interpretation forth.

Based on what’s been pointed out above, which I think is 100% accurate, Daryl’s right wing is more likely to represent…Daryl. His left wing represents Beth and he never lost that.

So I’m wondering if the message is that he never lost Beth, even if he doesn’t know it (“I’m not gonna leave you.”). But in his grief and PTSD, he lost himself. That’s why the wing is still present at the beginning of FM, but has disappeared by the end, and we don’t see how.

It was taking care of Judith, after the time jump, that really brought Daryl back to himself, his family, and civilization at large. Her making him a new wing represents her helping him find himself. And only after he finds himself again will he find Beth.

Thoughts?

[kd-holloman]

Writerblr (Re)Introduction

I've seen quite a few writerblrs do some re-introductions posts lately and since I have been pretty inactive for the last four months, I thought I should do one too!

Hello, everyone, I'm K.D. Holloman. I like to read and write a little bit of everything! I'm always looking to make to writer friends, so feel free to reblog, introduce yourselves, and tell me about your WIPs!

I only write one project at time because if I try to do more than that, my brain gets overwhelmed and nothing gets accomplished. With that being said, here are my WIPs (if you would like to read snippets / learn more click on the title). Please let me know if you'd like to be added to any taglists!

The Traveler's Gift

Rating: M for violence, language, crime, etc.

Summary:

Louis Mahoney has always considered his ability to teleport a gift. Amid a battle for power among Chicago's most nefarious mobsters, his "gift" transports him from 1923 to present-day Chicago.

Trapped in an unfamiliar era, Louis learns the mobster scene is still alive and well when he is kidnapped for his superhuman abilities. Just when things look bleak and he's nearly given up hope, he's given a choice. He work for Chicago's most notorious mobster, Rick O'Shea, or die.

After agreeing to work for O'Shea, Louis is forced to bear witness to a true injustice and makes a promise to himself to take O'Shea down for good. However, his plan for revenge is sidetracked when he ends up under the watchful eye of the mobster's most dangerous weapon, a volatile and murderous young man known as The Reaper.

TTG is a 76k speculative fiction novel with LGBT themes. I queried a few agents, but ultimately decided the novel would be too complicated for an agent to market and have decided to self-publish it once it's ready.

Currently, TTG is waiting for me to save up enough money for a cover design and formatting before publishing.

The Reaper's Curse

Rating: M - Violence, language, crime, etc.

Summary:

Slater O'Brien and Louis Mahoney are paired up together with a common goal. They're going to take down Rick O'Shea. The problem is they can't do it alone and after years of making enemies, everyone who could possibly help would rather put Slater in a grave instead of offering extending a helping hand. With his powers on the fritz and backed into a corner with nowhere to run, Slater and Louis agree to work together with an unlikely ally.

Getting the best of O'Shea isn't the only mountain Slater and Louis will have to overcome. Slater is going to have to allow old wounds to heal and open himself up to people from his past, even if he's afraid of putting them in harm's way. Louis will have to come to grips with the terms that he may never return back to 1923 and he may be stuck in the twenty-first century forever.

As you can see, my summary is still a work in progress. TRC stands at 67k in its second draft. I'm hoping to boost that number up about by 10k or so in the future. I started re-writing it a few weeks ago. I basically scrapped my previous drafts and started from the beginning. I'm not plotting this draft. I'm going to see where the story takes me.

Oh, Hell

Rating: T+ - Mild language, violence, blood, scars, demonic and angelic possession, mentions of death, mentions of abuse.

Summary:

The only thing Israfil wanted when he was cast out of Heaven was to have his wings back. Now that he has them, he just wants to be left alone. He makes a few friends and seeks solace in a small college town in the middle of nowhere called Wakefield. Thanks to the help of a few local witches, Israfil is able to hide from his brothers in Heaven if he stays within the towns protective wards. His reclusive life gets a little more interesting when he lets his best friend, Tabbi Depraysie, talk him into attending Wakefield College.

Young witch, Tabbi views college as the start to a life of independence. Though, it’s a little hard to prove she’s ready to blossom as an adult when her Aunt Maggie has her under her watchful–and seemingly all-knowing–eye. When a spell book with the potential to bring Hell to earth goes missing, she’s determined to prove that she isn’t a child any longer.

For as long as she can remember, Nyssa Dean has the voice in her mother from her past-life in her head. It convinces her that Wakefield is the place she needs to be if she wants to be together again. The cost? Learning that fellow freshman, Israfil Jones isn’t who he seems to be and intentionally opening a portal from Hell.

Oh, Hell is an urban fantasy novel with an intended forty-five chapters. I'm still on the first draft and it is currently on hiatus.