#then after having a panic attack she's just like...... what the fuck am i supposed to do now???

[coffee-bat]

i haven't been having the best time lately

[albatris]

no camp nano update today...... I am still behind but tomorrow I'll be with friends for our monthly laze around on the couch and be lazy day and I always get some good writing done there while we're watching movies and lazing and being lazy......

I did get a bit of writing done today though

a very confusing phone conversation between nat and yvonne about the current situation (yvonne has impulsively beaten her manager to death with a shovel and now needs help disposing of a body) and how to handle it, where they both for entirely different reasons are trying extremely hard not to actually name the situation out loud (that yvonne has impulsively beaten her manager to death with a shovel and now needs help disposing of a body) in the fear that someone will overhear and be like um????? this conversation sounds an awful lot like someone has impulsively beaten their manager to death with a shovel and now needs help disposing of a body???

so they are talking in Metaphors that are just getting increasingly out of hand

[moonalumi]

arguing with ellie n it goes too far

idk if this has been done but um be ready y’all i’m bouta cry

warnings- guys this is kinda sad um, angst, arguing, crying ig, ellie being easily agitated n mean, mentions of death, reader comfort el at the end guys trust!!

“el what’s wrong?” you ask as sweetly as you can. worried about how your girlfriend has been ignoring you and other people all week. she’s just been in her own little world writing and drawing the days away. every now and then you heard little sniffles coming from her direction but choose to ignore it; thinking she’ll come to you when she’s ready to talk but it’s only been getting worse day by day.

she ignored your question again. flinching at your touch and cursing herself in her head for that.

“ellie please talk to me, i made you some food” you comfort once again, reaching out to brush out some tangles in her hair with your fingers.

“i don’t want it.” ellie mumbles out coldy. not even taking her attention away from her drawing.

“okay well i’ll leave it here in case you change your mind okay?” you kiss ellie’s head and unintentionally glance at her sketchbook. somehow she notices and slams it shut. pushing you away from her as well.

“cant you just leave me alone for two seconds?” ellie snaps. her tone of voice taking you by surprise.

“el— i’m sorry i didn’t look—“ you fumble your words. not knowing whether to look at the closed sketchbook or your angry girlfriend.

“i don’t care stop hovering over me constantly, i’m fine stop worrying.” ellie stands up to walk past you but not before you stop her.

“how am i supposed to know you’re fine? you certainly don’t seem fine when you haven’t even had a conversation with me in days!” ellie turns to look at you and you swear her eye contact with you could kill, you forget how mean she can look without trying to.

“drop it i don’t wanna argue with you” she trys walking away again but you grab her wrist.

“please talk to me, what’s wrong??” you beg, and lift your hand to push strands of her hair away from her face.

although ellie pushes your hand away, not roughly though, her touch is still soft unlike her words, “don’t fucking touch me just leave me alone i don’t want to be anywhere around you, just go.”

it hasn’t been the first time ellie had snapped at you like this and said awful things she didn’t mean. for some reason it’s in her nature to just lock away her feelings and attack anyone who tries to push their way in. unfortunately today you seem to be her victim. and after a year of being in love with her, you know her very well by now.

“you really want me to go ellie? cause i’ll go but who’s gonna be taking care of you like i am right now?” you raise your voice at her while picking up things of yours from around her room.

ellie just watches as you pick up your items. sitting there with a lil pout on her lips not saying a word as you stuff more stuff in a bag. but before you can even touch the doorknob to leave she stands up, “wait..” she whispers, if you listened carefully enough you would’ve heard her voice cracking.

“what is it?” you ask rather harshly. opening the door and stepping outside.

ellie panics, her eyes widening and her legs unintentionally making their way towards you in a rush, “wait don’t go” she whimpers.

only then do you turn to see ellie’s eyes filled with tears and her panicked expression. her tough angry demeanor changing in a matter of seconds. n that pout on her lips turned into quivering lips.

your own eyes soften at the sight. you can’t help but feel the pain and guilt for making her cry but you knew she needed a wake up call. you needed to let her know you won’t stand there and just take her hits.

“oh el i’m so sorry” you bring her in for a hug. letting her burry her face in your neck and squeeze you into her hold.

“n-no i’m so sorry i—shouldn’t have been so mean to you. don’t leave me” ellie hiccups and sniffles between her crys. getting your neck all wet with her tears and snot but you don’t mind.

“i’m not leaving you baby i just needed to teach you a little lesson i’m so sorry” you leave kisses all over her hair and scratch her back as she calms herself down.

lifting her head up, you kiss her cheek that’s all flushed and puffy n lead her back to bed. cuddling her and forcing her be little spoon.

a comfortable silence over takes you too as you just lay together, “you wanna tell me what’s wrong now?” you whisper breaking the silence.

you feel ellie take a deep breath and intertwine your hands together, “it’s— around the time of joel’s death date, i think that’s why i’m being like this.”

“i’m so sorry ellie” you try and comfort but you know there’s not much you can say or do to make her feel better about it other than being here with her like this.

“can you scratch my back? it felt good earlier,” ellie smiles at you as she asks the question.

“of course, c’mere” you sit up and let ellie lay onto of you as you lift her shirt up to scratch her back until she falls asleep <33

free palestine !!

[ghouljams]

Friend.

Viking!Ghost with a huge wolf-dog.

Or, even better : shepherd!reader with a huge wolf-dog, or two ; big, ferocious babies who absolutely love the guy, smothering him in kisses and floof every time he visits his darling. Huge balls of fluff who are absolutely delighted when he picks both of them up as if they were still puppies. Reader falling a little bit more in love with him every time she catches him interact with them, gently talking to them as their tails wag and wag and wag. And Ghost who has to suck in a breath when he finds her asleep in the barn after she spent the night helping one of her sheep give birth, the two dogs acting as really big and warm blankets, along with all the other sheep ; just a huge pile of snuggles that won’t let any kind of cold wind through. Just utter cuteness, and the huge, powerful viking is smitten.

My period has been acting up since yesterday, and last night was a nightmare. I’m a little bit better, but I can’t eat otherwise it’s gonna start all over again. I am not hurt, I AM the hurt. I really wish I had a big doggo or one of my cats to snuggle with, or a partner to help with the panic attacks this shoot always comes with (or all of those, I need warmth and cuddles and love).

I wanna write, by I can’t, because brain not braining properly. So I’m imagining fluffy scenarios while listening to the rain outside.

The birds are singing in harmony with the rain. It’s a cozy melody.

Lots of love, Friend.

Mii, out (like a light, soon, probably).

You're getting used to the visits. The giant of a viking that hovers just at the edge of your fence, watching like he's got something to say only to turn away when you ask him to say it. The dogs like him, galloping over to the man every time his shadow crosses your fence. They wiggle and jump like puppies, pushing their big paws against his chest and stretching long with their heads back, the only man that hasn't been bowled over by them yet. You can't blame them for their affections.

Your guest scoops up one of them and cradles the overgrown mutt against his chest. Your dog, for all its ferocity, licks at his mask like the tamest pup in a litter. You get your flock settled before making your way over. It's a fair assumption the viking won't walk away with your dog, so you're guessing he's worked up the nerve for a conversation. You manage to get all the way to the fence, though he takes a step back when you lean against it. You switch your attention to the dog still on the ground and scratch under her chin. Her big eyes stare sadly up at you, as if you could pick her up like the viking.

"Ghost," he says, and you're struck by how rich his voice is, deep and smokey as a dwarves cavern, "you can call me Ghost," he explains, apparently having realized his attempted start at a conversation wasn't going to go anywhere.

"There another viking hidin' his face like you?" You ask him, the introduction is lovely (if a little awkward) but everyone in the village knows Ghost. Or, they know of him. Nobody really knows him. You figure that's what the mask is for.

"Suppose not," he replies, and there's a touch of humor in his voice you hadn't expected. It makes you think he's smiling. Somehow that makes your cheeks feel hot. Strange.

"What do you need Ghost?" You ask, leaning against the fence. He leans to put your dog down, and the other one goes to nose his hand. He scratches her head lightly before straightening up.

"Just came to pet the dogs," he tells you. You smile. "No show this time?" He asks.

"No wolves," you nod towards the pasture, your flock safe and sound as they graze. Your eyes land on the wolf fang sewn to his leather. It's familiar enough to make your heart squeeze. You wish he'd come for you.

-

You're not out in the pasture, or answering the door when he knocks. It's early but Ghost didn't think you'd be that sound a sleeper. Fucking hell it's early, he shouldn't even be here but he wanted to see you before he left and- and he couldn't stop himself. He was delaying leave for his own selfish desired, but he couldn't stop himself from coming out to your little pasture. He had no excuse for it, nothing he could tell you, but he didn't want to talk to you he wanted to see you.

These are two different things.

He wanders around the fence you've put up, sturdy, well maintained. He wonders if you fix it up yourself or ask someone else to do it. You could ask him, he'd fix it for you. He'd fix anything for you. As long as it was you asking, he could do anything.

He stops outside a little covered barn, the hay leading into it is fresh, the doors slightly ajar. It's a good bet if he's ever seen one. The hinges don't stick when he inches the door open to look inside.

One of your dogs lifts its head from your lap, and stares at him, it's fluffy tail wagging softly against the hay. You're asleep, of course you're asleep. Sprawled over the hay, your dogs cuddled around you, the rest of the sheep settled to huddle close to their shepherd as well. You're surrounded by thick wool and wirey dogs, hardly bothered by the animals and straw as you sleep through the wee hours of the morning. You don't even look cold.

Ghost unhooks his cloak, the black leather and wolf's fur feeling ominous in such a pastoral scene, and drapes it over you like a blanket. Your dogs sniff it inquisitively, nosing it until he pushes their heads away with gentle pats. He tucks the fur against your neck and strokes his knuckles against your cheek. You're so beautiful, soft and vulnerable even under your fangs. He would have taken you to bed last night if you'd let him. Stayed up to watch the ewe and her new lamb while you curled up under the pelt blankets to sleep. How safe must you feel? How safe would he feel?

His thumb strokes against the fur and he stands. You'll still be here when he gets back, maybe not in the barn but here. In the village, in your pasture, right where he knows he can find you.

And hopefully, you'll be wearing his cloak when he does.

[ladamedusoif]

able

(Joel Miller x disabled F!Reader)

Pairing: Joel Miller x Disabled F!Reader

Summary: "I just don't think she'll be able for patrol". But then it's just you, Joel, and your trusty walking stick in the middle of nowhere...

Content/warnings: Reader is disabled (she has rheumatoid disease/arthritis in addition to panic attacks, she uses a walking stick as necessary); Reader had a sister; Reader is an art teacher; strong violence; blood; description of panic attack; references to impact of chronic illness and disability; references to medication; references to disease and death; non-canon compliant; Jackson!Joel; strong language; ableist language and abusive language

Rating: Mature; 18+ MDNI

Word Count: ~3.7k

A/N: After making a plea earlier in the week for people to actually write disabled Reader fic, as opposed to forcing writers to feel they have to tag literally everything in an able-bodied Reader story, I knew I had to put my money where my mouth was as a disabled, neurodivergent writer with various mental health things going on here and there. And this one-shot is the result.

This one is a little personal. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid disease about ten years ago, and Reader’s experiences are informed by my own (though, thankfully, I haven’t had to contend with an apocalypse that meant I couldn’t access the medication that has kept me going). She’s also inspired by @agentjackdaniels, who acted as consultant extraordinaire on walking sticks and panic attacks, and suggested the Joel picture for the moodboard. Thank you, Luce, for this, for fighting the good fight for representation in fic - and for beta-ing the story. 

(A note on terminology: rheumatoid disease/arthritis are sometimes used interchangeably. ‘Arthritis’ often sounds like it’s ‘just’ osteoarthritis to people who don’t know the difference. Rheumatoid, unlike osteoarthritis (which is shitty in its own ways), is a systemic, lifelong, chronic illness and an auto-immune disorder that affects the entire body, not just bones and/or joints. So personally I use ‘rheumatoid disease’ as it conveys more of the impact of the condition. It's also often seen as an 'old person' disease but this simply isn't true - not that this stops mobility aids being modelled by people in their 80s all the time...)

Please follow my writing blog @ladameecrit and turn on notifications to stay up to date with my work.

Dividers by @saradika - moodboard by me

You weren’t supposed to make it.

Twenty-odd years in the apocalypse with your fucked-up joints and no steady supply of the meds that kept you going, pushing through the cycles of fatigue, and fighting off your own goddamned immune system as much as you were fighting clickers and raiders. 

You really weren’t supposed to make it. But you had Annie.

You were sharing an apartment when the outbreak happened, a quirk of shitty personal circumstances - she’d just broken up with her long-term boyfriend - that probably helped save your life. Annie was the all-action sister - the kind of person who thinks there’s nothing weird about spending your weekends doing triathlons and “Tough Mudder” challenges, who had a perfect bill of health your entire lives, who bounced out of bed in the mornings while you cracked and creaked and stiffly manoeuvered yourself into being. 

The good days generally outweighed the bad in the years between your diagnosis with rheumatoid disease and the initial outbreak - or maybe you had just gotten used to the aches and pains and the occasional flare-ups of fatigue. You invested in a walking stick to help on those days when mobility was particularly bad: solid, heavy, and carved in a pale yellow wood. It felt like a comfort in your hand, more a sign of strength, to you, than of weakness. 

Annie helped you through the panic attack that consumed you on outbreak day, working with you to regulate your breathing and relax your tense muscles until you could finally say what was on your mind.

“My meds. What am I going to do without my meds?”

Nothing a quick smash and grab at the local pharmacy couldn’t fix. It was the first of many, stockpiling the little yellow tablets you relied on and taking as many packs of over-the-counter painkillers as you could carry. Useful currency in the apocalypse, as it turned out.

All-Action Annie was never going to cope with life in a QZ. She got the two of you out after months of planning, nights of whispered talk about a town out west that was normal - or something close to it, anyway. She hadn’t entertained your protestations about you slowing her down, holding her back.

“You think I’m leaving behind a girl who’s so handy with a weapon?” she’d teased, pointing to your walking stick. “Be real. We’re busting out together.”

The infection took hold in her about three days from Jackson. Fuckin’ barbed wire, tearing a jagged line through Annie’s hand and leaving behind an old-fashioned kind of threat to life, the kind penicillin had mostly dealt with. But that was then. This was now. 

She died in an abandoned farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, you holding her hand until the end, talking to her about your childhoods and trying to keep smiling until she closed her beautiful eyes. 

It took all your strength to dig her grave. And then, somehow, you found more.

You weren’t supposed to make it. But you did. 

Jackson stands before you. 

He sees you for the first time in the community dining hall, talking animatedly to Maria as you hungrily devour the food set in front of you. Eyes wide, face grubby, clothes ragged. Half-wild, he thinks, like most of the new arrivals. Like him and Ellie, once upon a time. He returns to his bowl of soup and his own thoughts - at least, until he’s interrupted by Maria.

“Joel? Want to introduce a new member of the community, just arrived.”

He doesn’t quite know why he’s surprised when he realises you’re leaning on a sturdy hand-carved walking stick in a solid, light yellow wood. Maybe it’s because he knows how physically hard it is to get here. Maybe he just assumed folks who needed a stick wouldn’t have been able to manage the journey. 

For a second he can hear Sarah’s voice in his head, chiding him for focusing on what a disabled person can’t do instead of what they can. 

“Joel?”

He snaps out of his reverie and looks from Maria to you. “Uh, hi. Sorry, just…sorry. Forgot my manners.”

“I was just saying how glad we are to have someone who can offer some art education in the town, isn’t that right, Joel?”

Your eyes are warm and mischievous as you meet his gaze, silently conveying your amusement at Maria’s rather brusque manner. It’s all Joel can do not to laugh.

“Sure is. You’re an artist, then?”

You shake your head. “Not a real one. I was an art teacher, before. Long time since I created anything, though, so I hope I remember how.”

He smiles softly, his gruff exterior receding a little. “Bet it’s just like riding a bike,” he says, before his face falls as he looks at your walking stick. “Oh, shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean… Shit. Hope I didn’t offend.”

“As it happens, I can ride a bike, Joel. The apocalypse just doesn’t give me much cause to.”

You leave him with a smile and a wink as Maria ushers you to meet other townsfolk. He watches you as you walk away, the tap-tap-tapping of your stick beating out a new rhythm in the heart of Jackson.

You think of Annie every morning when you wake up in the little house you’d been assigned. Sometimes, as you potter around the kitchen, still revelling in the novelty of making yourself morning coffee for the first time in two decades, you even talk to her. You tell her about the town, the townsfolk, your work in the community vegetable garden, your art classes. 

“Honestly, An, you wouldn’t believe how popular they are,” you tell the Annie who, in an alternate universe, is sitting at the kitchen table with her own mug of coffee. “I’m setting up extra sessions to cater for demand.”

There’s something uplifting in how hungry the people of Jackson are to make art, no matter their experience or existing skill level. They’ll draw stuff from memory, they’ll dutifully work on a still life, they’ll even traipse outside with you, wooden sketching boards in hand, and make rapid-fire sketches of the goings-on on Main Street. 

Joel doesn’t join a class - but the teenage girl Maria refers to as “Joel’s kid” does, all potty-mouthed and enthusiastic and pretty damned talented, to boot. Ellie tells you how she’s pinned up the drawings she’s proudest of in their home, “like our own fuckin’ art gallery or some shit.” 

You pull up a tall stool and sit beside her, resting your stick over your thighs. “Joel’s got his guitar and those dumbass model figures he paints,” she continues, leaning around her easel and squinting at the woman who’d volunteered to act as a life model for this week’s classes. “But this shit? This is real art.” She adds a little highlight to the woman’s sweater and leans back to assess the work.

“You probably got exempt from patrols, I’m guessing. On account of the stick, an’ all.”

“Maria asked, and I signed up happily. I got all the way here, didn’t I? I’m sure I can manage patrols. And it’s the least I can do - they’ve even found me some of the medications I need.”

Ellie nods, somewhat convinced, and returns to sketching out the contours around the model’s jaw.

The day of your first patrol arrives. You bundle up and set out early for the stables, allowing extra time to get there on account of the flare-up you’d been experiencing the day before. 

You arrive early - just in time, in fact, to overhear a heated conversation between Joel and Maria.

“She’s doing enough, ain’t she? I just don’t think she’ll be able for patrol.”

“You’ve seen her out and about, Joel. She’s mobile. She’s competent. She’s good with the horses. She got all the way here, the last stretch on her own. What more proof do you need?”

“You’re seriously gonna send a woman with a walking stick out on patrol?”

“I seriously am. Sent you and your bad back out, didn’t we?”

“That ain’t the same and you know it.”

“Just saddle the horses, Joel. And, in case you’re wondering - yes, I paired you together deliberately, just until she gets settled.” You hear her footsteps recede as she leaves him.

You had misjudged how much your already-limited grip would be further impeded by the gloves you’re wearing. The stick clatters to the ground.

“Who’s there?”

You emerge from the shadows. “Me. Sorry.”

Joel rolls his eyes and gruffly points out the tack and supplies.

The first patrol passes in silence. You wonder what happened to the softer man you’d caught a glimpse of the first day you arrived.

On the second patrol, you ask him questions about himself. On the third patrol, he asks (fewer) questions about you. By the fourth, you’re having something approximating normal conversation. 

“Sarah loved to make all kinds of stuff,” he ventures, leading the way on his chestnut horse. “Those beaded bracelets, that girly Lego in the pink and purple, all of that. My girl had enough Magic Markers to supply a whole elementary school. Maybe two.”

You can hear him smile, even without seeing his face. His shoulders relax a little as he recalls the memory.

“So she was a creative kid?”

“Creative, sporty… she could do anything. Made the school soccer team, she was so proud. Just a…” He pauses. “A great kid.”

There’s a few beats of silence, punctuated only by the sound of the horses snickering and the steady rhythm of their hooves on the ground. 

“What about your sister, was she arty like you?”

You’d told him about Annie on the last patrol. This was the first time he’d asked about her explicitly.

“She was the sporty one. I think that’s why I survived so long, truth be told. She was so strong and fast and tough as fuck.”

He chuckles, the burr of his voice resonating in the cold air. “Sounds like a good balance, though.”

“It is - it was. Was.” Your voice grows quieter as you repeat the word to yourself, chest starting to tighten. The horse slows, responding to the tension of your body, as Joel continues to trot on, not realising you’ve come to a halt behind him. 

And then the tell-tale snapping of a twig, the sound of footsteps, and the realisation there’s someone else there, emerging out of the woods. Two someones. 

Raiders. 

The panic attack that has been building inside you gives way. An innate fight or flight response kicks in as you roar his name. 

Joel turns and charges back towards you, just in time to see you take out one raider with a crack shot from your pistol. He slows the horse and readies his rifle, staring at the other man who is now trying to haul you off your mount.

“Get the fuck off me, motherfucker!” You flail against him, desperately shifting your weight to the other side of the saddle to try to shake him off. 

Joel takes aim. 

You think you’ve kicked the raider off. And that’s when you hit the ground.

He can’t take the shot now, not with her half-hidden from his view and audibly fighting off the man who’s dragged her to the ground. Joel is still a little distance away, slightly too far to see exactly what’s happening. 

Why didn’t he hear her slowing? Why didn’t he realise she was further behind than she ought to be? Why did she slow in the fuckin’ first place?

Joel quickly dismounts, rifle in hand, moving closer so he can get a clearer shot at the guy who’s now standing over her. The horse’s elegant neck obscures the raider’s hands from Joel’s vision - he has no idea if he’s pointing a gun at her or not. 

He thinks he has a clear sight on the guy’s head, provided he stays in the same position. He readies the rifle. 

Suddenly, the raider disappears, letting out a primal roar before he hits the ground. 

“You fucking cunt!”

Joel can see she’s standing now, the man prone before her. As he rounds the horse he sees her lift her cane, hands securely gripping the pointed end of the stick. 

She brings the solid, weighty handle down on the raider’s leg with a sickening crunch. Even Joel recoils a little at the sight and the sound.

“F-f-fucking…c-c-cunt!”

Thwack. The other leg. 

Fuck. She knows exactly what she’s doing.

”Keep calling me that, and I’ll keep the blows coming.”

Holy fuck. Who is she?

”C-c-c-cripple.”

”Excuse me?”

The raider props himself up on his arms. “I said, cripple. Fucking crippled cunt.”

“You shut your fuckin’ mouth.” Joel cocks his rifle. 

The stranger sneers at Joel. “Awww, he’s actin’ the big man now. Weren’t too quick gettin’ back down here to save your cripple woman, were ya?”

Before Joel can react, she swings her stick over her head and brings it down on the man’s skull with a furious scream that seems to come from the very depths of her being. 

She screams and screams as she hits him, over and over, eyes wild in her blood-spattered face. Joel recognises this: in himself; hell, in Ellie. It’s the moment when the floodgates open and all those years of pain blend together and zone in on this convenient target, an avatar for everyone and everything who had forced loss and trauma upon you. 

He roars at her to stop, but knows she can’t hear him. It’s just her and the raider, now: her rage and fear and grief finding their expression through a walking stick turned cudgel.

A single shot ends it. She turns sharply, as if snapped out of a trance, and sees the smoke leaving Joel’s pistol. 

“Hey. Hey. You alright?” His broad hands grip your biceps as he looks into your eyes.

Yes, you tell him, yes. You’re fine. But Joel keeps asking. 

“Talk to me. Are you okay? I’m worried about you. Please, just talk to me.”

You are moving your mouth, but no sound is coming out. The familiar vice is tightening around your chest. You look down at your blood-stained hands and you struggle to breathe. 

“‘M dying, Joel. Can’t breathe. All the blood. So much. Why can’t I breathe?”

Oh, he realises with a pang. She gets these things too. And I know how to help.

“You’re okay, you hear?” He’s rubbing your arms gently, keeping his gaze on you. “You’re alright. Breathe along with me, okay?”

It’s difficult to find the rhythm, at first. Joel’s hands find yours and squeeze them in time with his breath.

”In through your nose, that’s it. Slow and steady. Now out through your mouth.”

He can see your muscles starting to visibly relax. A wave of relief courses over him.

”Yeah, that’s it - you got this. You got this, good girl, you’re just fine. Gonna be alright.”

When he’s confident your breathing has settled and the panic attack receded somewhat, he gently guides you away from the body of the dead raider, one hand holding your horse’s bridle and the other holding yours. 

“Why don’t you have a seat for a minute, huh?” Joel gestures to a long, low tree trunk lying near the forest’s edge and opens his saddlebags, rummaging until he finds a cloth, a battered hip flask and a bag of dried apple slices.

”Here.” He wipes the blood as best he can from your hands and proffers the flask, settling his substantial frame beside you on the log. “Have a sip or two, just to relax you a little bit more. Got a snack, here, too.”

You flinch at the taste of the liquor, but take a second sip regardless. The apple slices barely taste of anything in the afterburn of the moonshine. Joel nibbles on some jerky and stares into the middle distance. 

You take a break from patrol, agreed with Maria, and a few days off your art classes. It was tempting to keep going, to return to the light and airy studio and to your students. But you feared a relapse.

And your body needed to recover physically, too. You ached from head to toe, fingers and toes puffy and swollen and movement seriously restricted. You ration out the supply of medication you’ve secured since getting here, and use hot water bottles and plenty of rest to try to ride out the flare in your arthritis.

Three days after the incident, there’s a knock on the door. You hobble to answer it, leaning on your trusty stick for support.

”Came by to see how you were doing. Got you some things if you needed ‘em.”

Joel is standing on your front porch, holding a jute grocery bag. He pauses, as if waiting for you to give him permission to say more.

”That’s so very kind of you, Joel. Come in, won’t you? I was able to set a fire so it’s nice and cosy.”

He watches as you lead the way into the living room, noting how much slower you were today. Guilt laps at his conscience. He said she shouldn’t go on patrol. He knew.

”You want me to bring these into the kitchen for you?”

“That would be a great help. Thank you.” He’s glad to see you smile, after the trauma of the patrol. “If you want a drink, I’ve got some tea and coffee in the cupboard just to the left of the sink.”

He pops his head back into the living room. “What would you like?” 

“A tea would be perfect. Mugs are in the cupboard to the right.”

You wrap yourself back up in your blankets on the couch, making room for Joel when he returns with the drinks and a couple of cookies, sent over by Ellie as part of his care package for you. The mug feels like a comfort in your aching hands, its heat assuaging the inflammation ravaging your joints.

He sips his coffee and you sit in silence for a little bit, watching the flames dance over the firewood. 

“Have you, uh - you been okay, doing okay, since…”

Joel stares into his coffee cup and then looks at you, a little awkward. You smile, hoping to reassure him.

”I’ve been okay. Just the physical pain and exhaustion, mostly. And - well, you saw it. The panic. It can leave you drained.”

He nods and takes another swig of his drink. “I know. I - I’ve had times like that, too. Real fuckin’ scary, when you’ve never gone through it before.”

You study his face for a moment or two, noting the little scar on his temple, the lines on his face, the stern expression completely undermined by the warmth of his deep brown eyes. For an instant, he seems so vulnerable, this strong, tough man sitting on your little couch. 

“I haven’t had an attack like that in a while. But then, I hadn’t done anything like that in a while.”

This time Joel turns to look at you properly. “Not your first rodeo, huh?”

You giggle at the turn of phrase. “Not quite. Let’s just say my stick did a lot of work over the last twenty years. He wasn’t the first to feel the brunt of it.”

Joel nods, and you feel strangely relieved that he doesn’t seem surprised. “Doesn’t get easier, though, does it?”

“It does not. Which is why it’s better to avoid having to do it.”

”I agree. Gotta say, though, I - I was worried you wouldn’t be able for patrol, y’know?”

You arch an eyebrow at him. “I know. I overheard you, remember?”

He blushes. “Aw, shit. Yeah. I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t want anything happening to you, what with your - condition, and all.”

You sigh softly, not really noticing the affection in his voice. “Most of the time, I’m fine. Y’know? I’m slower, but I do okay. I get tired more easily, but I manage. I didn’t come here to be a drain on the community.”

”You aren’t.”

”I know, but I want to keep it that way. I want to pull my weight. I’m able, Joel.”

He huffs in agreement. “Not like I’m a perfect specimen these days, either. Knees, fuckin’ back, deaf in one ear…” 

You chuckle. “And you thought I wouldn’t manage patrol? Anyway, you’re not doing so bad, are you?”

He gives you a little smile, but that constant sadness still haunts his eyes. He stares at his coffee for a moment.

“You knew what you were doing, though.”

”I did. But I didn’t feel like I could stop.” You sip your tea, swallowing hard. “And I’m scared that makes me some kinda monster. You know?”

Oh, he knows. He knows it too well.

”You aren’t a monster.” Joel resists the urge to put an arm around you. “You just… something snapped, I guess. All that - well, all that hell you’ve gone through. It… it changes you. But it doesn’t make you a monster.”

He realises you’re crying before you do, spotting the fat tears that roll down your cheeks. He finds a clean handkerchief in his jeans and offers it to you. 

Fuck it. 

“Can I - can I put an arm round you? Just for some support?”

Your eyes light up, tears or no tears, and you nod enthusiastically. Joel is warm and comforting, his broad chest and strong arms a kind of anchor in the emotional storm. You nuzzle against him, and he gives you a little squeeze on the arm.

”You’re a really brave woman, you know that?”

His voice is quieter, more intentional. You look at him quizzically from under your lashes, unused to praise of this kind. For an instant you think about asking him what he means. But the safety you’ve found in the broad arm draped around you is all you need right now. 

You nuzzle a little against his chest, and watch the fire dancing for the rest of the night. 

[igotanidea]

Walk down memory lane : AK!Jason Todd x fem!reader

Warnings: mention of self harm and suicidal thoughts.

You can find other AK!stories on point 4 here: Jason Todd masterlist

***

She was just so tired.

Tired of fighting, of keeping up that fucking hope, of carrying the excessive weight on her shoulders.

She just couldn’t anymore .

Maybe it was time to finally accept that Jason didn’t care about her. That he would never care again. Not in the same way he used to before all this shit hit them. Before Joker, Harley, Arkham…

But she still needed, wanted, craved his love.

But how long can a girl be strong and live in a delusion?

And for the first time in a year she started crying.

What Harley could not achieve, happened because of a boy. No amount of torture and mind games and tricks she was subject to in Arkham, not once broke her. But the indifference and cold treatment from her former boyfriend, the one who she still loved got her on her knees, sobbing and shaking on the bed in her little, cold Asylum cell.

He was right. She was completely alone, no one was coming to help her, safe her from that void that finally found a way straight to her heart. Nothing more than a playtoy, unlovable, weak, pathetic, developing a heavy case of Stockholm syndrome.

Poor girl hugged herself in a foul attempt to calm down, but it was for nothing. Tears were falling freely down her cheeks, turning her into a puddle of emotions she couldn’t hold back. It was like the old wound and the feeling of being used opened and uncovered all the layers she cut off before.

Some people call it trauma, but she couldn’t care less about the terminology.

Maybe it would be better to just end her own life right now just so she wouldn’t have to suffer through another day of such lousy existence. It was Arkham, she was pretty sure she would find something to help her execute her plan.

On shaking legs she stood up from the bed, moving towards the bathroom. The mirror that Jason broke violently after their last encounter was still not fixed and the sharp pieces of glass poked on every side.

Perfect.

Gathering all the strength she had left, she reached towards the splinter and pointed it towards her wrist, assessing the “best” place to cut……

***

She woke up feeling sore and in tremendous amount of pain like never before. Both of her wrists were patched up with the clean bandages and she wasn’t even in her own sweatbox. Honestly, she couldn’t for the love of God recognise the place where she was, until the familiar, slightly muffled voice threw her off her confused state and brought back to reality.

“WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!” Jason hissed with unconcealed anger and she shivered. “WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO DO!?” in a blink of an eye he was right next to her, grabbing her chin and forcing her eyes up.  

She was just completely silent, the tight grip of his fingers on her puffy, hurting cheeks causing a few more tears to flow down her eyes.

“I’m sorry…..” she whispered, slightly panicking. He was never supposed to find her, let alone to save her. And why did he? Was it only because he needed her for release in the future? “I’m sorry…..” her whole body shook violently.

“Y/N…….” her name in his mouth sounded almost sweet and the touch got far more gentle, sudden change in behaviour making her freeze. What was going on?

“I……” her mouth fell agape and it was impossible to say a word.

“Did you forget what I told you last time? You’re mine. You can’t just go and decide to hurt yourself this way. I cannot allow it.”

“Why?” she sobbed “it’s not like you care. I am just a reminder of the past, of all those lies you were fed by Batman and your family. Of someone you once were and could never be again.”

“Stop it!”

“Please, please, just let me go. Just let me finish it, please.” Her desperation and panic attack coming out in waves in the form of the aggressive tugging on the dressing, trying to reopen the stitched wounds and cuts. “I’ll do it myself. You won’t even have to lift a finger.”

“Stop it!’

“You can even watch it, I know you’ll enjoy the show. You wanted a show, didn’t you?”

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE STOP IT!” finally he managed to get a hold of her hands, pinning them down to her sides, precluding her from moving, even though she still struggled against his hold.  “Is that what you think of me? That I will enjoy that?”  she nodded shakily “fuck!”

“I’m sorry…..” she whimpered again. She was still here and he was now mad which could only equal to another punishment. And this time it was not going to be intimate. He could really hurt her at any time.

“Baby…..” he whispered, almost without thinking, closing his eyes “princess.”

“Wha….. what did you say?” her eyes grew wide. Did he really use those words or was it just an imagination?

Jason was completely inside his head now, memories flooding his brain like a fucking Niagara. He remembered the past. The moment, when while still being Robin, someone came after her, attacking her and almost eliminating her from the equation. He recalled the hours spend in the medical bay, watching her pale face and the heart rate monitor, praying to whatever entity was up there to bring her back to him. All those little heart attacks caused each time she took a sharp exhale. Falling asleep next to her bed, holding and caressing her cold hand, whispering pleas and promises to keep her safe in the future if she just woke up. Brushing up on how he felt when she finally opened her e/c eyes, looking at him with so much love and concern, asking if he was all right.

He remembered how she cared about him…..  And how he cared about her.

“Ja…. Jace?” she swallowed the lump in her throat, taking the risk to use his nickname, ready for another anger fit, but instead she met his honest gaze, so different from the one she was used to in his Arkham Knight version.

“Don’t ever do this again.” He gasped, brushing her cheek, putting a strand of hair behind her ear “you hear me?  Ever.”

“Jason?” he bottom lip trembled because of that sudden display of emotion from his part.

“Ever.” He emphasised.  “I don’t want to see you in pain.”

“Ok……”

“Anyone who hurt you deserve a punishment and that applies to you hurting yourself. Is that clear?”

“Anyone, but you?” she blurt without thinking and immediately covered her mouth in fear of the words that came out her mouth.

Jason tensed a bit, his muscles flexing but he didn’t move.

“Get some rest. Need you recovered soon. Big plans for you.” He just said and with one final look into her eyes left the room, leaving her completely speechless.

…..

[spidybaby]

Wenasss✨ Not me sneaking into your inbox🤭😅 to kindly ask for Bad Kind of Butterflies part II, please and thanks!🤣🫶🏼

Bad Kind of Butterlies | Part Two

Summary: Pedri regrets his actions and tries to get back to you.

Warnings: fighting, cursing. Physical fight. Part one

"Pedri, the ball. Keep your eyes on the fucking ball." Xavi yells. "God, what's going on with you today?"

Pedri can't even look at Xavi in the eyes, he has sis eyes glued to the floor. He can feel the looks of his teammates burning him.

"Miss that ball again, and you're benched." Xavi says, stern tone.

"I'm sorry, Mister."

He tries his best to focus on the ball, trying not to miss it or not miss the goal to the net, but he can't keep his mind on the field.

Gavi, playing with the other half of the team, stole the ball from him, making Oscar sound the little whistle.

He just observes the way Xavi is yelling. Tired and really not that interesting, he can't seem to understand a word that's coming out of his trainers mouth.

The training goes on for another half hour, and then they're all reunited in the salon to plan the next game.

The "Real Madrid vs Barcelona" typical classic.

He focuses all his attention on speech Xavi is giving the team. Turning his head to see Ferran typing something on his phone.

He makes the lining, Xavi kept his promise and bench him for the next game. Leaving the possibility of getting back if he improves in this next two trainings.

"Estas bien?" Ferran asks, taking him to the side for them to be alone.

"I'm not sure." He sincerely says. He can't keep secrets ti Ferran. "I just need to keep my head around what's important."

"And she's not?"

"The thought of her is making me be benched. I think I had enough of her for the rest of the week."

He turns to the dressing room, ready to collect his belongings and leave. No shower, no nothing.

But to his bad luck, Ferran is quicker and stops him by the arm. "You can't keep doing this. This is not healthy, Pedro."

"What am I supposed to do?" He angrily says, removing his arm from the hold of his friend. "She won't listen to me, she changed her number, she changed her apartment building. It's like she disappeared."

Ferran was holding the bitter "I told you" He had been keeping since after the party.

When a very angry Gavi told him about the words Eric said to his date and then to Pedro, he was pissed, he wanted to fight him. But, like a rational person, he calmed Gavi down and helped fixing the situation.

What he could help was the disaster Pedri did, yelling at you and fighting with gavi over the words of Eric. Words he warned him about.

"Just please call me if you need anything." He pats Pedri on the back and walks to the showers.

He nods, grabbing his stuff and walking back to his car. He wants to run away from everything and everyone.

Once he makes it to his car, his head feels like it's going to blow up. He'd dizzy and tired.

The way his heart is pounding like crazy and he feels like passing out scares him. This isn't news to him. He was having a panic attack.

He tries to breathe, counting things like you thought him. Five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

Once he's calmed enough to at least drive himself home, he calls Fer, asking him to be home "I need you, Fer." He says crying.

His brother was worried, his whole family was. He wasn't the sweet, happy and very enthusiastic boy they known. He was now this confused and sad looking boy.

Pedri can't even seem to move upstairs to his room, he can't help the tear falling down, he can't help the blame he feels.

His relationship with Pablo was broken, his relationship with Eric is almost non existent. All thanks to him.

He can't blame Eric for it, he was the one who did all the bad stuffs, hitting your friend, hurting you by not trusting you.

He remembered your words like if you were just telling them to him.

"You're not dumb. You're such a smart man. So I need you to use that intelligence to understand that if you keep doing this shit, you're losing me."

But did he lost you?

He wanted to heard you voice, wanted to hear about that interview you told him about the day of the wedding. He wanted to hear about your new workout routine.

But he can't, because everytime he calls you he hit voice-mail. Everytime he goes looking for you he remembers that a new person lives in that apartment. Everytime he tried to look up for your social media profiles you weren't there.

"And that fucking sucks." He tells Fer, not knowing how else express his feelings.

Fer understand the struggle you both are going through, from his brother side is the blame of making you leave and not being the man you deserved. And he also understand that you want Pedri to change and to fight for you.

Ferran and Fer tried his best to talk to you and convinced you to give Pedri a chance. Thing you denied, you made a promise to yourself, he needed to prove to you that he changed.

You wanted the relationship you had before, the trust, the unconditional love. You wanted to feel joy again, to feel like you could be with him again.

You can't say you had it worse, but you were struggling as well. Sira had to force out of bed and to a local park. You cried like a child in her lap, telling her how much you needed him.

"You don't need someone who can't make an effort of changing. You need to understand that."

She was right, you needed someone who will be there for you in bad and good. During hard and easy.

"Good morning sunshine." Sira yells opening the curtains. The sun hit directly to your face, making you groan and turn around.

"oh, no ma'am." she pulls the duvet in a quick motion. "I made breakfast, get up."

She gave you five minutes to wash your face and brush your teeth. You can't help to feel a little annoyed at the wake-up call Sira pulled.

"Eat, please." She serves the breakfast to you, giving you a fork and a kiss on the cheek.

The day was bright, the sun was shining so much, the view from your apartment was breathtaking, making you feel happy instantly.

"I can't believe we're going to graduate tomorrow." Sira yells while doing a little dance. "I'm so happy for us."

"I am too, thank you for sticking up to me after all this time."

You walk over to her, giving her a big hug. She separates a little, reaching for the grad hat you have in the corner, putting it up on you.

When you broke up with Pedri you had a very bad time, you were in denial, somehow blaming yourself for the things that happened.

Then was the rage, it was not your fault, it was Eric's and Pedro's fault. He was the one believing the disturbing mind of Eric.

Then came the sadness, you were crying like crazy, in the shower, at the movies when Sira and Kyle took you out, at the parking lot of the building.

And now you're just blue.

"We have to go get the dresses, eat and let's go."

When the lease for your apartment concluded. You wanted to move to a smaller place, wanting something more "home like"

Sira was not okay with the decision, she convinced her parents on sharing a Apartment with you while you both figure your life out.

The moving was heartbreaking for you, specially because you couldn't run away from the memories.

"When you graduate, we're moving together. We can remodel the house, giving it your touch, make this place our home."

You used to laugh, thinking it was crazy for him to think about settling down at barely twenty one. "You'll change your mind, Pepi. "

But he cut you off, telling you that there was no other thing in his mind. He can't picture a future without you in it.

"I invite Pablo to the ceremony, and Fernando." You confess.

"Are you sure about that?" She asked worried. "I mean, Pablo I guess but Fer?"

"My family isn't coming, so I have the tickets and the closest thing to a family here is you, your family that is already attending and the González."

"Okay, if you think that's the right think to do, I'm not saying anything."

🪷🪷🪷

"Squish, all of you, let me take a picture." Luis Enrique says. "Okay, in three, two, one, cheese!."

You smile, arm around Sira and Karla.

After what felt like a whole photoshoot, Sira was ready to greet some family members that joined the ceremony.

"Y/n!" you heard at the distance.

You turn around, looking for the voice. It was your favorite angry bird. The big white bouquet of flowers doesn't go unnoticed.

"Felicidades, preciosa." He hugs you with one hand, the flowers getting in the middle of that. "Oops, sorry. This is for you."

"Thank you, Pablito." You hug him carefully this time. "Thank you for coming."

"I was happy when you sent me the invite, Sam says hi and congratulations."

"Are you coming to my party?"

Pablo was about to answer but someone calling you name again interrupting him.

"Fer!" You say, happily about seeing him again. "Thank you for coming." You say, getting squish between his arms.

"Felicidades, hermanita." He kiss your cheek. "Mom and dad are so proud of you, they send their congratulations to you."

You smile at him, the warmth your heart is feeling is making you blush. "Thank you." You whisper. "Pablito and you need to tell me if you're coming tonight."

"I will, what about you, Fer?"

"I can't wait."

PabloGavi has added to his story

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🪷🪷🪷

"Okay, it's game day time. Let's finish preparing ourselves, and let's go warm up." Oscar says, excited about the match against RMA.

"Pedri, can I have a minute outside, please." Xavi calls.

He was trying his best to concentrate, head in the game. Even if that sounds like a high school musical thing to say.

"Mira, I know I said that I was benching you." Xavi began, making Pedri nod. "I'm going to make an exception, I'm making Marc play for twenty minutes then you're in."

"I promise that I won't lose the ball." He smiles like the cat in Alice in wonderland. "Gracias, Mister."

Xavi pats his back, smiling back at him. He knows that Pedri has the range, he just needs to take it out in the right place. The field.

Pedri has added to his story

"Finally, a game that was worth to watch." Kyle says, eating the remaining pop corn from the bowl.

This game was very important for the Barcelona, they needed this game to keep themselves at the top of La Liga.

And they did it. They won.

Pedri scored a game thanks to Pablo's passing the ball to him.

"He played really good." Karla comments.

"Yeah, he did." You whisper.

You were proud of him, he was your golden boy after all.

You remembered the first game you went to. He gifted you a shirt with his number. He sent a car to come get you.

That was the first gol he ever dedicated to you. You remember the way you felt, the smile on his face, the aura of the stadium. It was simply magical.

And now you're supporting him from the comfort of your home. Because no matter what, he was all that to you.

But where you still all that to him?

You always kept those thoughts for yourself, your friends were done with you talking about him. Always ending up crying.

"So are we going out tonight?" Karla asks, turning the TV off.

"I don't know if I want to go out guys." You say, washing the dishes from the dinner. "I'm not feeling well."

"A Tylenol and were out and about, my lady." Sira says laughing at your face.

"Fine, but I don't want to he out till five in the morning, please."

"Deal."

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The party was good, you ended up not inviting Kyle because you were feeling like having a girl's night out.

Karla got invited to a vip club that was on the way of your apartment, you were on your way there.

"We're going to the vip section." She says to the bodyguard at the entrance, showing him a picture. "Thank you."

The club was way fuller than the last one, the aura was way better too.

"Y/n, let's get a drink." Sira yells.

"Let's just take Karla to her friends table and we can go, okay?" You yell back, she nods.

Karla was seeing this dude that was a manager of some new footballers, they were young like in La Masia.

The other dudes at the table invited you to different drinks, since they got special treatment because of their vip status.

Karla has added to her story

You were thankful with your friends, they were making you have so much fun.

"Girls, I'm going to the bathroom." You say to your friends, getting up from your seat and walking to the little outside bathroom they have for the vip rooms.

You got knocked up a little by someone, hitting you shoulder with the door frame. "Fucking idiot." You say to yourself, smoothing the hurt area.

You were washing your hands when someone moved the doorknob, knocking desperately at the door.

"Wait, I'm almost done." You say drying your hands with a paper towel. The person on the other side keeps knocking like crazy. "It's been five seconds like wait." You say.

You open the door and to your surprise the face on the other side of the door is a familiar one. "Y/n?"

"Ferran, hi!"

He walks inside the bathroom, making your way out impossible since he closed the door. "Joer', it's so good to see you." He hugs you for a few seconds.

You can smell the alcohol in his breath, making you scrunch your nose. "Are you alone?" You ask him.

"No, I'm with some friends from Valencia."

"Okay, take care Fer, I need to go back to my friends." You wanted to leave so he can use the bathroom.

"Wait, I want to talk to you." He stops you from opening the door. "Please give me your number."

You think for a few seconds, not sure about the proposal. "What if I wait for you outside?" You smile at him.

"You won't run away?" He asks, you shake your head no. "Pinky promise?" He elevate his pinky finger over to you.

"Pinky promise." You smirk while intertwining fingers with him. "Hurry up." You say, walking outside for him.

A few minutes later you see Ferran dance walk over to you, you smile at this goofiness. You missed that.

"Tell me, Mister paella." You joke, mentioning his nickname you and Pedri gave him.

"I wanted to tell you, more like ask you for a favor." He says breathlessly. "I know you might say no, but I want to try."

You knew where this was going, but you let him continue with his speech. Nodding your head to let him know you heard him and to continue.

"I know that you probably are in a better place and you are moving on, but please heard me out. Pedri is not alright, and you don't own him nothing after the stupid shit he pulled, but please you need to talk to him."

You sigh, you know that he was not having the best development during training or at the matches. Fer told you that already, but he didn't asked for you to reach to him.

"I know I'm asking for too much." He continued. "I'm just out of ideas of what to do with him. Xavi is about to beat his ass, Oscar too, Gavi and him don't even look at each other. We almost beat Eric to the ground with Gavi."

"He deserves that." You scuff. "But I'm not sure what you expect me to do?"

"Can you maybe call him? Or text him?" He asks. "Or I don't know, send him a dm if you don't want to share your number with him."

You think about it for a good minute, you knew that he was struggling, you were too, but you wanted to maybe help him even when he didn't deserved that.

"I'll reach out to him." You finally say. Making Ferran jumps from excitement. "I'll try to find a good time, okay?"

He nods excited, hugging you and giving you a quick kiss in the side of the head. "Thank you, if you need a ride home you can tell me."

"Thank you, I'm good, my friend is driving us." You wave him goodbye. Both of you go back to each vip rooms.

🪷🪷🪷

"Look at this cd" Pablo says, passing the 1989 cd. "What are you doing this December?"

"Well, I was thinking about spending my December here in Barcelona." You say, helping him organizing some pictures. "Aw, young Pablito." You say, showing him the picture.

"Stop that." He laughs. "So you're not going back home?"

"I mean my family is not going to be there, so I might as well be alone here."

"You're welcome to spend time with Sam and with me. Also with my family and me."

"Thank you, crunchy guy." You joke with him.

Now that he's in recovery you can visit him more often. You love watching new movies and shows with him because you have the same taste.

"I want to ask you something." You say, not sure how to approach the topic of Pedri. "But you can tell me if it makes you uncomfortable."

"Okay?" He says, eyes scrunched.

"Ferran and I were at the same club and we find ourselves in the bathroom." You began. "Long story short, he asked me to call Pedri."

"Y/n, I'm not the best to give you advice on this."

"I just need guidance, Pablo." You confess. "I'm not one to ask you anything but just be honest with me."

"Joder" He sighs, hands on his face. "What do you want me to say?"

"How is he?" You ask worried. "Is he doing okay?"

"He came to see me at my recovery the other day." He says, hand scratching his head. "He asked me to forgive him."

You let him take him time to tell you everything.

"We talked and it's not like we are on speaking terms like we used to but we are better."

"That's good, I think you both needed that." You say honestly.

"Now, to answer you. I think he's doing better little by little. He's not the best at hiding his feeling and you know that, he tents to get quiet and death looking." He laughs at the last part. "But, if you want my opinion, I think he needs to fight for you. A call or a text will not harm anyone."

You nod, taking everything he says into consideration. He was right, Pedro had to make some sacrifices for you.

"But, you can do what you think is best." He says, hands in the air.

"Thank you, angry bird." You hug his body, careful with his leg. "Love you."

"Can you show me love in a form of a sandwich?" He asks, batting his eyelashes like a little kid. "Pretty please."

"Just because you're my little baby." You tap his nose with care. Making him laugh. "I'll be back."

Yourusername has added to their story

"I was thinking about doing a baking course." You tell Sira, you're at the pool at her parents house. "I want to learn how to do Christmas cookies."

"My mom knows how to, you can ask her to teach you."

"That's better, you're right."

You keep looking at your phone, it's been three weeks since the talk with Ferran and two since the talk with Gavi.

Today they announced that Pedri was feeling some pain in his muscles, so he wasn't training. You know how much that affects Pedro mentally.

"Hey, what if we go change? I kinda want to go shopping." You say, getting out of the pool and walking over to the towel. "You coming?"

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Siramartinezc has added to her story

🪷🪷🪷

"I'm going to take a shower and we can eat, okay?" You say, hands full of bags. "Chao bella, take a shower please."

You leave everything on a chair next to your bed, the phone in your pocket feels heavy, you know you want to make that call.

You dial his phone number, sitting with your legs crossed on your bed. Your heart is beating like crazy.

"Hola"

Your breath is gone, you suddenly lost the ability to talk.

"Hola?" He repeats.

His raspy voice, his heavy breaths when he's trying to catch air. Simply him.

"Hola." You whisper.

Now is his turn to lost the speech ability. He's frozen. It's been months.

"Y/n?" He asks, not believing you're the one on the line.

"Hola." You repeat. "Te llamé en mal momento?" (Did I call you at a bad time?) You ask, bitting your nails.

"No, de hecho no estaba haciendo nada." You can hear a door closing. "How are you?" (No, I was actually not doing anything)

"I'm good, dealing with life. What about you? I heard about your muscle pain."

Your voice is low, you feel scared of saying something wrong. Even though you're barely at the beginning of the call.

"I've been better, I'm missing the Dallas game." He sighs. "I just feel like every time I'm feeling confident about coming back, my body gets fucked up."

You humm in response, letting him vent his frustration.

"I'm tired honestly, Xavi and Oscar are at the edge with me and I think that with the team. Frenkie barely came back, the team sucks, Gavi is hurt."

"I'm sorry this is going like that." You say, being honest.

"I don't even log into social media anymore. On Twitter and on Instagram the haters keep comparing me with Jude, with Vini, with Rodry. I'm so done, Y/n."

"Ay Pepi, I wish I can say something to make you feel better. But you know I suck at that." You laugh, making him laugh too. "You know you're amazing, and that if Xavi and Oscar get frustrated they don't feel your pain, that's why you have to be open with how your body feels."

"I do, believe me that I do, but I can't help but think that every time I say my muscles hurt, they gave me this disappointed look."

The way his voice break makes your heart hurt. You know from past experiences that his mental health goes down day by day if he overthink about the topic.

"And my parents and Fer try to tell me off of this ideas and I don't think it's working. I just wish I can turn my brain off for the night so I can sleep well tonight."

His breathing is getting heavier by the second, you can pick what's going on. He's overthinking and about to have a panic attack.

"Oye, tell me about that game you wanted to buy." You ask out-of the blue, making his mind think of another think.

"Game? What game?" He asks, voice breaking.

"Yeah, the one you wanted to buy. That one with the cars on it." You explain. "And what about that drink you wanted to try, did you tried it?"

"The green one?"

"Si, that one. Did you tried it? Was it good?"

"It tasted weird, and the game I never bought it. Lost interest on it."

"Okay, what about your mother croquettes?"

"They're so good, I broke diet the other day at Adrian's birthday party."

You can hear the breathing being hard but not as heavy as before. You relax, laying fully on your bed.

"Te amo." He says. "I'm sorry about everything, I'm so dumb. You told me that I was losing you and I never changed. It's my fault you're not next to me, that you're not at my games."

"Pedri, let's not do this." You interrupted him.

"Let me say it, Y/n." He begged. "I need to get this out of me, it's eating me alive."

"Okay, keep going."

"I know Fer went to your graduation. I cried myself to sleep that night, and every night after I lost you. I can't think of anything else." He sobs, making your heart hurt. "And my parents are so fucking mad at me, because how could I lost the girl of my dreams?"

"Pedro." You tried to make him stop.

"And my father told me how disappointed he was of me. He was so mad when I told him the truth. I can't keep doing this without you. You were supposed to be laying next to me, calling this place your home. I'm sorry."

"This is not why I called."

"Tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me." He begged again. "Tell me how can I fix this. Please."

"Pedro, stop."

"Please."

You wanted to hang up, not wanting to give up on all the progress you've made. In the promises you made to yourself.

"I think we both need to take a breath." You laugh nervously. "Please, breathe."

All you can hear was the heavy breathing from your and his side of the call. Your mind running a mile per second.

"Can we met, please?" He asks. Your heart was saying yes, but your mind was more coherent.

You were about to answer when Sira stormed into the room asking you to try something. Pedro heard the voice of her and wondered if you were at his parents house.

"I have to go." You say, hanging up the phone quickly. "What?" You ask Sira, she's looking at you with narrowed eyes.

"You okay?"

"Yes, I was about to take a shower but my mom called."

"Was it bad?" She asked worried. "Do you want to talk?"

"I'm fine, I'm just getting in the shower and then we can have some of that green thing you have in there." You tap her nose and walk quickly to the bathroom.

Pedro was laying on the couch he has in his room, his head pounding like crazy, the tears falling from his eyes, wetting his face.

He walks to his bathroom, he needs to wash his face. He needs to relax and breathe like you told him to.

The way he feels lighter after telling you how he feels was refreshing, his shoulders don't have the weight they used to five minutes ago.

His reflection is like a stranger to him. His dark circles under his eyes now darker, his weight every day less. He can't keep doing this to himself.

You feel the same way as you look at your reflection. The tears pooling that you don't want to let wet your face.

You take deep breaths, the sound of shower and the steam makes you be back from your thoughts. You got into the shower, sliding down the bathroom wall while hiding your face into your hands.

Pedro can't seem to find a way to stop his tears, knees on the floor while the sounds of his painful cry interrupt the peaceful silence of his home.

🪷🪷🪷

"You sure you're okay with me going to this party?"

Ferran invited you to his sister's birthday party, you and her were good friends thanks to Sira. Sadly due to the breakup, Sira didn't wanted to come but sent her a gift.

"Yes, go and have fun. I'm fine here with my book and with my coffee."

You kissed her on the cheek and went on your way, you asked Fer if he was coming but he told you that he was about to leave to Tenerife.

"But if you wonder or not." He says with a funny tone. "Pedri will be home."

You knew that Ferran sister didn't invite him, she told you herself. So you were fine with at least not having to tip toe around.

The party was at this club that Ferran rented for her party, you loved the pink and white theme she chose.

Yourusername has added to their story

You were enjoying yourself, finding some in common friends you haven't talk to in a while, the vibes were good and the night was refreshing for you.

You were retouching your makeup at the bathroom. You heard knocking on the door, thinking that maybe they found that the downstairs bathroom was full.

You take the last look at yourself in the mirror. Adjusting you jacket and opening the door, you find the person you wanted to dissappear from this earth.

The way he roll his eyes makes you angry, he was annoyed at your presence? You should be the one that's rolling the eyes at him.

"Move, please." You say, stern tone.

"You're leaving so soon?" He smirks.

You don't think twice and push him to the side, you can hear him fall over to the little sofa that was outside the bathroom.

You walk downstairs, finding the birthday girl and saying your goodbyes to her and to Ferran, who was next to her.

You were walking to your car when you feel someone grabbing you by the arm and throwing you agains a car door.

You groan at the pain that's growing on your side. You put your hand against your ribs, you find hard to breathe.

"You really think you can treat me like shit?"

"Are you out of your right mind?" You whisper, not fully recovered from the impact. "What the fuck."

"You're such a fucking bitch, making my friends be against me, making my team be against me."

"What the fuck are you talking about? You did this to yourself, Eric"

You tried to walk away from him by pushing him but he grabbed you back and stamped you back again. Making the car alarm sound.

"Eric, what the fuck?" You hear someone yell.

You notice how Ferran was running to where you are. Pushing Eric away from you. He shield you with his body.

"Why is everybody defending her?" Eric yells, getting closer again.

"Don't fucking dare."

"I just don't get why everyone believes she's the innocent girl she pretends to be."

You scuff, he's the one mad at you as if he didn't ruined your relationship. "You were the one telling Pedri shit and making him doubt me. You ruined my relationship"

"Oh no, I ruined your little gold digging act? Are you not able to afford rent now?"

"Fuck you." You spat, feeling rage grow inside of you. "Maybe if you use that mind inside the field you would be a good player and not the trash you are."

"Enough!" Ferran yells. "You, go away." He points at Eric. "Now!"

He grabs your arm, making you walk away from the scene. You keep your hand on your side, trying to smooth the area where is hurting.

"Can you drive?" He asks, you nod slowly. "What the fuck, what the actual fuck?" He whispers.

"I'm fine, you can go back to the party, Ferran." You whisper. "Thank you."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm in shock but I'm fine, don't worry about me. Please don't let this ruin the party." You hug him, his hands on your back trying to calm you down.

Even when you don't cry or show any emotion, he knows you're not okay.

"Tell me when you're home"

"Yes, I'll dm you, thank you."

He's back inside once you're on your way at the driveway. You're on autopilot, feeling hazy from all the emotions you're feeling.

You don't even notice the turns you make until you're outside his door. You turn off the car, taking your phone to text him.

You waited for barely two minutes, the door of his house opening. You take your seat belt off and stretch to the passenger door, opening it for him.

"Hola, preciosa." He says, worried expression on his face. "Are you okay?"

"Want to go for a ride?" You ask, ignoring his question. He nods, asking you to wait for him.

Once he collects his keys and a sweater, he hup up your car and you began the drive. You have a destination in mind.

Hes quiet, not sure if he's supposed to ask you again if you're okay. He's just enjoying seeing you after so long.

"It's too cold for just that jacket." He says, eyes up and down your body.

"It's fine, it keeps me warm." You say, the stern tone of voice worries him. "Seatbealt on." You say when the annoying alarm goes off.

"Yours is off too." He points at your chest, you just groaned, putting the seatbelt on.

Your drive to the highest part of the park. The beautiful view of Barcelona at night welcome you. You turn the car off, getting out as soon as you can.

You wanted to scream.

All you wanted was peace. You wanted to feel like you used to feel before all of this. You wanted to be able to go home and find your boyfriend there or go to his place and share things about your day, share moments with him.

The hands of Pedri on your shoulders feel heavy, you take a step, making the contact break.

"Do you trust me?" You ask on the verge of tears.

"With my life." He answer, not wasting a minute.

"Then why did you do that to me?" You let the tears fall down your face. "Was I not a good girlfriend?"

"Y/n, don't say that." He shake his head no. "You were the best thing I ever had."

"Then tell me, what it was?"

"It wasn't you, it was me. All me." He elevated his voice. Not at you but at the heat of the situation. "It was all me, I was the one who got those stupid ideas in my head, I trusted you, I knew Kyle was nothing but your friend, I knew you were just friends with Pablo, I know you would never do nothing to hurt me."

"What about the day I left?" You ask, the aftertaste is bitter on your mouth.

The thought of that day bring nightmares to his mind. The things he told you, the shit he provoked. They way he pushed you over the edge to the point of making you leave.

"I don't have a problem with the way you dress, I love your style. I don't have a problem with how much you love your friends, I love your way of acting, the way you love everyone, I don't have a problem with you being friends with Pablo, I love you and I love how my friends are your friends."

He take a deep breath, feeling like the air in his lungs is not enough. Feeling like the cold air is making breathing hard.

"And I'm sorry about the way I treated you, the way I was acting, I never meant to make you feel bad about my insecurities. I was the problem. I was the one who let someone else get into my head, I was the one who made the mistakes, and i was the one who made you feel like I didn't love you."

He gets closer to you, hands on your cheeks, drying the tears. Your hold his hands with yours. "But I love you, don't ever think that I don't." He whispers, kissing the top of your nose.

You nod, grabbing his face with your hands, caressing his cheeks. You pull him towards you, pressing your foreheads together.

"I love you too." You say after a while, pulling away from him. "But I have to love myself first. And I need to see that you changed."

Even when your words burn his heart, he understand. He wanted to prove himself to be what you needed, the person you can trust. He wanted to be all that to you again. Because you're all that to you.

"I'll do anything to prove to you that I changed. I'll wait as long as you need to, I want you to trust me again."

"I miss you." You hug him, arms locking behind his neck. His hands don't miss a minute to intertwine behind your back.

"I miss you more." He kisses you neck. "I promise I will prove you that I can be the person you deserve."

You enjoyed the warmth of his body against yours. You can't help but think of how he was right and your jacket was definitely not enough. You giggle a little.

"What's that?" He asks, smiling.

"You're right, it's too cold." You sniff, feeling the cold reach every part of you.

He separates and undo the zipper of his sweater, hands on each side opening the sweater for you to hug him and get more warm.

"Now that's better." You say, kissing his collarbone, making him smile against your hair.

🪷🪷🪷

"Last christmas I have you my ass, but the very next day you fuck my best friend, this year I'm fucking you dad and I'm also fucking your cousin."

You laugh at Fer singing Cardi's remix of the Christmas song. He was helping you with baking christmas cookies over FaceTime.

Pedro and you have made amazing progress, he was proving himself day by day.

"To think that a year ago today you guys were at the top of a cliff at the park solving your issues." He jokes, making Pedro give him the finger while laughing.

"Good thing your bother knows how to redeem himself." You second Fernando's joke.

"Joer, hablan de mi como si yo no existiera y estoy aquí parado, no me imagino cuando no los pueda escuchar." He laughs, making you smile and shake tou head at him. (You guys talk about me as if I'm not standing right here, I can't imagine what you say when I'm not present)

"only good things, mi amor." You kiss his cheek.

"Bueno, yo los dejo, I have to help mom with some things at la Tasca." (Well, I'm out) he waves you goodbye and cut the FaceTime.

Pedri has added to their story

Yourusername has added to their story

You two spend the rest of the day decorating and eating the cookies. Making Pedri break his diet, but he was okay with that.

"Oye, ven pa'qui." (Hey, come here) he calls you.

you walk over to him, he's sitting on the couch. A elf hat on his head. You can't help but smile at his cuteness.

"Yes sir?" You ask.

He possess his hands on your waist, pulling you towards him and making you fall on his lap. "Do you like how the house is looking."

"Very much, I love our home." You say, hugging him. "And I love you."

He smiles at you, looking around. He can't help but feel proud of himself. He proved you that he was worth a second chance. That he was your person and that he loved you more than anything.

He was happy you were happy with him. And that was something he knew he couldn't lose. Not you, not your love and not your future together.

"I love you more."

✨️✨️✨️

🏷: @gulphulp @jack1n @girlidekanymore @gadriezmannsgirl since you asked for part 2 🤭✨️

[heavyhitterheaux]

Drive Safe Part 2

First Lady of Private Garden Fic (Alternate Universe)

AN: 😉😉😉

Synopsis: Jack has to deal with the aftermath of releasing Drive Safe and you learning that the song was about you. He is trying to do anything to make you forgive him, including confronting your best friend about something that happened between the two of them

Pairing: Ex-husband!Jack Harlow x Ex-wife!Reader

Read Part 1 First

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

After you told Jack to get out the house, you went and locked yourself in your studio so that he was able to get all of his belongings out of your shared bedroom. 

But you knew he wasn't going to leave without a fight and kept knocking on the studio door and pleading with you to open it.

“Baby, please let me fix this. I'm going to fix this. Just open the door so we can talk.” Jack pleaded with you as you had a steady stream of tears running down your face.

When you were quiet, he spoke up again.

“I know I messed up, but I'm going to prove to you that I deserve to have another chance. I love you and that’s never going to change. I fell in love with you when I was fourteen and that's not going away anytime soon.”

Once you heard his footsteps walk away from the door, you waited a few minutes before calling Urban. Because at this point, you didn't know what to do anymore.

Of course he picked up on the first ring. 

“Lil Bit…”

You couldn't even get any words out and Urban immediately just heard you sobbing.

“I'm coming, okay? Be there soon.” He said and quickly hung up. You were simply sitting on the floor and trying to stop yourself from going into a full blown panic attack. 

You sent him a text to let him know that you were in the studio and did your best to get up off the floor in order to be able to open the door for him. The tears continued to flow as you sat on the couch and simply stared off into space in disbelief. About 20 minutes later, Urban was walking through the door and simply came and sat next to you while he wrapped his arms around you and you cried into his chest.

“I know and I'm sorry my best friend is an asshole. He didn't even warn me before he did it either.” 

Every time you tried to talk, it just came out as sobs and he got nervous knowing that a panic attack was going to follow.

“Y/N, I need you to breathe. Not only for yourself, but for the babies. Take slow deep breaths for me.”

It took you a few minutes to even your breathing, but once you did you finally spoke.

“Urban, what did I do to deserve this?” You whispered while starting to play with the end of your curly hair.

“You didn't do anything for him to talk about you the way that he did. You've given him chance after chance but he keeps fucking it up.”

“My ex-husband writes songs about me and bashes me all while accusing me of doing something that I had no intention to do from the beginning, my supposed friends took his side when I filed for divorce and basically said I was a shitty person, but would have done anything for them, my so called other best friend probably fucked my husband but both of them steadily deny it, and I'm pregnant with three kids. How the fuck can I bring them into the world when my life is a dumpster fire? I am literally in this by myself because everyone has turned their back on me. Well, except you, which I'm very grateful for.” You said being completely honest as the tears were starting to slow down.

“I'm never going to turn my back on you. You are going to be the best mother to the three of them and that goes without saying. I can't speak for everyone else in PG, but we all know how wrong Jack was and I told him off about it. I said from the beginning before he even got signed that I would cuss his ass out if he ever did anything to hurt you. I was like she's been there since forever when your ass didn't have a damn thing to your name and not to switch up when he got famous, but of course that went in one ear and out the other.” As soon as that came out of his mouth, his phone started to ring and he looked down to see that it was Jack.

He looked back up at you as if he was asking for permission and you simply shrugged.

“You're his best friend too.” Was all you said before he decided to answer it. When he did, you could tell that Jack had actually been crying.

“Jack.” Was all Urban said before Jack started having a full blown meltdown.

“Urb, I fucked up. I fucked up bad. She's literally never going to forgive me for this.”

“Hmm, so why did you do it in the first place?”

“I overheard her talking to Taylor and I… accused her of going to file for full custody when that was never her intention. I thought that she was agreeing with her. I got pissed, started distancing myself, and then that's when I wrote it.”

“Instead of actually talking to her?”

“Look, it wasn't my best moment, okay?” Jack answered as he ran a hand through his curls, clearly frustrated.

“You've been having shitty moments ever since you separated from her. And didn't I tell you to never forget that she was actually there when you didn't have a damn thing to your name?”

“I know…”

“Be honest with me for a second.” Urban started to say before sighing.

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Did you cheat on her with Taylor? Or cheat on her at all?”

“Urb! Why the fuck would you ask me that!?”

“You know the fuck why so answer the question.” Urban fired back and you were sitting there simply listening.

“I have never cheated on her with Taylor or anyone else. She is literally the only person I want. I admit that when I went to see Taylor when I was upset it wasn't my best idea because when I finished explaining to her how I felt about the whole situation, she tried to kiss me, but I immediately pushed her away from me. That's why I haven't really been around her. I’ve hurt Y/N enough and I’ll be damned if I cheat on the person that I’m trying to get to marry me again.”

Both of your mouths were hanging wide open.

“And why didn't you tell her this!? So you just let her have fake ass friends around her!?”

“I… Y/N loves her! I didn't know how to tell her that and besides if I had told her at that time, she probably wouldn't have believed me!”

“She needs to hear that from you as soon as possible.”

“How? She doesn't want to talk to me.”

“Then you better have a good ass plan to get her to. I’m tired of this and I’m not even in the damn relationship.”

“Do you think that she'll ever forgive me?” Jack asked hopeful, but all Urban did was look at you. When you didn't give him an answer, he came up with the best response that he could.

“You want me to be honest? No. I don't think she ever will. But only time will tell.” 

A few days had passed and Jack had simply been moping around his condo in his feelings and trying to think of a way to get you to talk to him. He wanted to tell you about Taylor, but he didn't know where to start or even how to bring it up in a conversation. He always told you that he would never cheat on you and the thought had never crossed his mind even when you did file for divorce. He felt as if she wasn't actually being a good friend to you and actually driving the two of you apart even further. That was when he sent a text to her since his thought process was if you had actually heard it from her, then maybe just maybe you would talk to him.

Jack- Taylor, you need to tell her

Taylor- Hi to you too and what are you talking about?

Jack- Don’t play dumb

Taylor- Nothing happened so there's nothing to tell

Jack- But it would have if I didn't move and the fact that you even thought it was okay to do that is a problem in itself. She adores you, but you decided to try and kiss her husband

Taylor- And you're the one who would come to me all times of the night and talking shit about what she had done looking for sympathy. Does she know that?

Jack- I needed someone to listen! I would NEVER cheat on my wife. She's my first love. 

Taylor- Ex-wife, remember?

Jack- Either you tell her or I will

Taylor- You honestly think that she's going to believe you?

Jack- Don’t make this more difficult than it has to be

Taylor- Oh how the tables have turned. I recall you REJOICING when she brought up divorce but now you're begging her to take you back?

Jack- Because that's what I thought I wanted, but I don't anymore. I want my wife and my kids. And what the hell was up with you telling her to file for full custody?

Taylor- I was just giving her options. That's all.

Jack- Sounded like you were trying to drive a deeper wedge between us.

Taylor- Think what you want, but my intentions were never to hurt either of you. I'll be honest and I'll tell her knowing that she's never going to forgive me

Jack- Well your ass should have thought about that. She's been nothing but good to you.

Taylor- And I can say the exact same thing to you

Jack- Look just tell me when you talk to her

Jack then threw his phone on the couch beside him and let out a sigh. He had no idea if Taylor was actually going to go through with It, but if she didn't he would have no choice but to tell you himself. He knew that you had another doctor's appointment in about two weeks and was hoping that you would at least talk to him before that. He looked at his phone again before grabbing it and sending you a text.

Jack- Baby, I just want to talk. Please.

He saw where you had read the text and nothing more came after that.

Meanwhile, you were at home when you decided to make peach cobbler cheesecake since you had been bored out of your mind. Ever since the song came out and you kicked Jack out of the house, you had been keeping to yourself and staying inside with Urban, your parents, Jack's parents, Clay, Dani, and your best friends checking on you. 

Even your so-called best friend Taylor

You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but something was off with her and she had been acting differently ever since you told her that you wanted to divorce Jack. She didn't really say that she supported you, but didn't exactly say that she didn't either.

But in your heart of hearts, you knew that something happened between them but you just didn't know what.

You wanted to believe Jack, you truly did, but you just didn't know.

There was movement detected on your ring camera and you looked to see that it was Neelam and quickly rolled your eyes. You already knew that she wasn't here to check on you and probably only showed up for her own benefit and anything concerning Jack.

Unblocking her number quickly from your phone, you sent a quick text.

Because ever since the song came out, everyone associated with Jack got blocked. Including everyone in PG except Urban.

You- Please leave immediately 

Neelam- Y/N, I just want to talk

You- Yeah, you and everyone else. You don't like me, remember? And you were glad that in your words, ‘Jack got rid of her’

Neelam- Not my best moment, but I wanted to apologize 

You- Let me guess. Apologize for your own benefit. In other words, Jack has been in his feelings and not wanting to work and you need me to talk to him so that he does.

Neelam- Well…

You- No one gives a flying fuck about me despite everything that I have done for them. And not ONE PERSON has asked me if I'm okay except Urban. I am not talking to him and I'm not talking to you so fuck off and get the hell away from my house.

Neelam- Y/N, I really am sorry

You- You can shove that apology up your ass

Blocking her number again, you put your phone faced down as you continued to make the cheesecake. You figured that Urban would probably help you eat it since you weren't talking to 2fo. Once the cheesecake was put into the freezer to harden, you picked your phone up once again to send Jack a text.

You- Tell Neelam to fuck all the way off and leave me alone 

It took a matter of three seconds to get a response from him.

Jack- Wait, what happened?

You- Ask her

Jack threw his head back in frustration as he quickly dialed her number.

“Hello?”

“What did you do to my wife?”

“Your ex-wife and I went to see her.”

“For what? You don't like her and you've always made that clear. Even though she hasn't done a damn thing to you.”

“I…. Because even though there may be some truth to that, you were at your best when you were with her. And I wanted to see if she was okay after everything that happened, honestly. Because I see how you were after it and she told you not to come back home so….. I actually went to see her to try to convince her to talk to you. But, she wasn't having it and I get it. I was just trying to help.”

“Well don't. I've already made a big enough mess and I don't need anyone else making it worse. You should have known better, now she REALLY isn't going to want to talk to me.”

“Don't get mad at me for something that you did. No one held a gun to your head and made you release the song. And are you coming to the studio?”

“Bye Neelam.”

Jack hung up without another word and attempted to call you, but of course it went straight to voice-mail.

Wanting to take your mind off of everything that was going on around you, Urban came up with the idea of you having a maternity shoot. He was trying to get you out of the house to do it, but you steadily declined. The only time that you ever left was for your doctor’s appointments and was trying to keep your stress level non-existent.

“Y/N, getting some fresh air would do you some good.” Urban pleaded with you, but of course you shook your head no.

“No. I’m fine being in here. Hardly anyone knows about the pregnancy and I want to keep it that way until I decide to announce it.”

“But you literally don’t leave the house unless you absolutely have to.”

“What am I leaving the house for? I have food and my streaming accounts and my studio downstairs. There is literally no reason for me to leave.”

“Being by yourself all the time cannot be a good thing.”

“I don’t really have any friends anymore as far as I’m concerned. When I have them, they are going to be my primary focus. I might not even make music again. I’ll write and produce, but that might be it.”

“But you love performing, so that doesn’t sound right.”

All you did was shrug in response.

“And I love my ex-husband and look how that turned out.”

“I… wait…. As in present tense?” Urban asked while raising his eyebrows at you.

“Urban, don’t be stupid. Of course I still love him. Besides, he’s the father of these three.”

“Then can we just forgive and move on? You know he didn’t cheat on you with Taylor or with anyone else.”

“Because it’s not that simple. Time and time again he has thrown me under the bus so to speak so if he wants me to forgive him, he needs to work for it. But they both act weird when I mention the other person so something definitely did happen between them and no one wants to say anything, but one way or another I’m going to find out.”

“One thing at a time. Let’s get this shoot done first.”

“And I have the perfect outfit to wear for it.”

—

Liked by danivalentine, claybornharlow, urbanwyatt, jackharlow, saweetie, theshaderoom, theestallion, and 10,273,965 others

y/ninsta: it's you and me until the end of time. All three of you 💕

photo cred: godfather urbanwyatt 😘

jackharlow: 💖 saweetie: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL THREE OF YOU?!?! jackharlowsource: oh shit and she's pregnant on top of everything else happening urbandjack25: oh my damn allthingsy/n: MUVA!!!!! danivalentine: cannot wait until they get here! taylorrooks: my best friend is prettier than yours and is going to be one amazing mother! 2forwoyne: oh shloob_: I feel like I was the last to know about this quiiso: congratulations first lady yungskylark: jackharlow ummm???? jackharlowsource: sooo he wrote that song knowing that he got her pregnant? WITH TRIPLETS? normani: AHHHHHHH SO EXCITED FOR YOU claybornharlow: one is named after me right? urbanwyatt: thank you for allowing me to do this for you 🥰 y/ninsta: urbanwyatt only the best for me and my babies

After you had basically broken the internet with your pregnancy announcement, you felt as if you were suffocating and that the walls were closing in on you. That was when you decided to go to your beach house in Miami for a small getaway and you were going by yourself. You and Jack still really weren’t on speaking terms and the most interaction that you two would have would be at your doctor’s appointments. You knew that he had been annoyed with you because of you posting the announcement, but you could tell that he didn’t dwell on it because he knew that it would be another thing to be pissed with him about. 

The amount of messages flooding in from everyone wanting to apologize for how they treated you were steadily being ignored and you would answer them whenever you felt like it. Because as far as you were concerned, they thought that you were making a big deal about how Jack had been treating you and that any other girl would have been lucky to be in your place. However, one thing that you didn’t tolerate was disrespect and they were simply going to have to learn the hard way. They made their bed and now they have to lie in it.

Liked by jackharlow, taylorrooks, danivalentine, urbanwyatt, generationnow, neelamthadhani, and 6,281,902 others

y/ninsta: Didn’t know how much I needed this little vacay. Countdown until extraction date is on 😂

jackharlow: can't wait for that allthingsy/n: sooo are yall back together or? danivalentine: you are literally glowing jackandy/naremyparents: I would have kicked his ass for what he did

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It was now around eight in the morning when your phone suddenly went off and you looked down to see that it was Taylor.

Taylor- Hey, I’m in Miami doing coverage for the game tonight. Do you want to grab lunch so we can catch up? 

You- Sure, what time?

Taylor- In an hour? Does that give you enough time?

You- Yes, just send me the address

That was when you decided that you were determined to get answers out of Taylor, no matter how much of a fight she put up. You needed to know what happened and you needed to know now because you were tired of this hanging over your head. 

There the two of you were with Taylor sipping on a mimosa, when you just had straight orange juice and was looking over the menu. She had been eyeing you since the two of you sat down and you could tell that she wanted to say something.

“Taylor, would you just spit it out already? I know that there is something that you have to tell me, so why are you stalling? Just get it over with.”

“I… did he tell you?”

“Did who tell me what?” You asked as you looked at her confused and sat the menu down on the table.

“Did Jack tell you?”

“Taylor, I don’t even know what you’re talking about. The two of us aren’t really on speaking terms right now.”

“Oh.”

“Well, are you going to tell me?” You asked and she began to play with her bracelet that was on her left wrist.

“I…. never meant to hurt you. You have to understand that. It was just, Jack was coming to me and telling me how he was literally waiting for you to divorce him and then two days later came to me a crying, snotting mess and asking me if I could help him in getting you to change your mind. He would talk shit about everything that you did that he didn’t like and me being me trying to comfort him...”

“What the fuck did you do?” You whispered to her so that the people around you wouldn’t be able to hear.

“I tried to kiss him, but he immediately pushed me away from him. So I wasn’t lying and neither was he. He didn’t cheat on you. I’m sorry that I broke your trust. I don’t know what came over me to do that, but what’s done is done and I can’t take it back no matter how much I want to. Jack wanted to tell you, but he didn’t think that you would believe him.”

You simply sat there and stared at her. It was already common knowledge from his conversation with Urban that he didn’t cheat on you, and he had no idea that you had been listening, but the fact that your so-called best friend made a move on him instantly made you get a sour taste in your mouth.

“Y/N? Please say something.”

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[yannaryartside]

Why did Claire convince Carmy to drop HIS ideas for the menu?

So, did somebody else get upset when Carmy explained to Sydney that Claire made him realize "there are things I don't really care about...anymore" about the menu?

Like, wtf dude, this is YOUR menu, the whole point of your restaurant, why the fuck do you now think you don't care?

On Claire changing the menu

I think that Storer was really smart for not showing that scene, where Claire is comforting Carmy after his panic attack. Now, from what we can gather of the actual events, Carmy got a panic attack, then they talked about Donna driving a car through the wall of their house, and sometime before or after all that, they talked about the menu. A couple of things that, if they happened, could have been big red flags about Claire:

Why was Claire's solution to tell Carmy to forget about his original ideas for the menu? that is like "Oh honey does this cause your anxiety (you know, because you care about it) why don't you just drop it? Maybe then you will be happy" You have to treat the anxiety, not avoiding the things you care about because of it.

Did Claire dismiss Carmy's intentions on the menu, because it had to do with Syd? Like, did she actually recommended to drop it all because it would mean that Carmy and Sydney won't collaborate anymore? because Claire felt threatened? We all saw the way Claire looked at Syd.

Even if you could justify all this by "she was doing the best she knew to help him" I think the audience wouldn't have appreciated her talking Carmy into forgetting his vision for his own restaurant. That is the equivalent of Mary Jane telling Peter not to be Spiderman.

Now, and this is the really weird part, at this point Carmy is trying to make all the dishes his family made, but change them a little, recontextualize them. To make them "his own" and he told Claire about that, he part that is not clear is why he dropped the "thoughtful chaos menu" and just left the "chaos menu" My interpretation of this, again, is because thoughtful chaos can only be made by Carmy and Syd's collaboration. So Claire agreed with the things relating to the Berzatto traditions, but not, idk, Carmy's original vision for the restaurant, which may have not so much to do with her mother's recipes, and wanted to explore more to create something unique with Syd ideas too?

On Claire comforting Carmy.

Just a little last note. They had sex. Like, Claire and Carmy had sex after he got a panic attack, and the next morning he was still stressed as fuck. While just the memory of Sydney was able to calm him down from a huge panic attack (while he was thinking of Claire). Jejejeje.

Now...being serious. Idk if you think that offering sex for calming someone down is cute...I don't think it is. Even if they have already calmed down and you just want to "make their night better" or whatever.

Some people get really into sex while they get stressed, but a panic attack is more of an "I am dying' feeling, and it can depend on the person, Carmy is the kind who gets frustrated, exasperated, and violent while trying to handle his anxiety. So trying to make somebody not feel any of that that by asking them to be in the mood for fucking...Like "Oh, the trauma that you are trying to process right now honey, just don't feel it, but I want to fuck, and I know it can make you feel better" Personal opinion: gives me the ick, like 'Oh, my affection must be the answer to all your problems, my love is the only medicine you need" It all gets worse in my mind when I remember this woman is an emergency doctor, she is supposed to know some recommended procedures to help people with panic attacks, maybe she used them before they got into bed, but still, she can only presume that he is in a different head space just a few hours later, and you kinda look like and ashole if she offers and you say no.

I just don't like the idea of forcing mood changes on someone by offering them affection, especially sex. That can be really toxic for both parties.

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Perfect For You : Part 3 (H.JS)

Word Count : 2.3k

Warnings : swearing, food mention, arguing, mention of suffocating (not physically)

A/N : What? You mean to say this series isn't discontinued?! It is not! I am back with the third part and the epilogue (hopefully) coming soon. I hope you enjoy!

            Jisung was wrapped around her like a koala. She could barely move when she woke up, trying to roll out of bed, and go make breakfast. His grip only tightened when she moved, a small whine coming from him. “If you’re awake, let me go.” She giggled, but again his grip only tightened.

            “I missed holding you like this.” He opened his eyes, meeting her softening stare. He took in this moment. The way she looked with her messy hair, eyes still half closed because she’s still tired. Stunning. He thought to himself. And I almost let her slip away. He reached up to smooth her hair before pressing a small kiss to her face. “Should we go out for breakfast today?”

            “Sungie you have work.” She wanted to stay angry at him. But he made it so hard. He’ll do something that upsets her but the next second, he’s being cute, and looking at her like he doesn’t want to be anywhere else. And he doesn’t. Beside his girlfriend is where he belongs, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

            “I can be late. I want to take my girl on a date.” She gave into him so easily, just like she always did.

            They stood in the bathroom together, going through their morning routines together. Brushing their teeth, doing their hair, washing their face. They did it all together, laughing over whatever funny face they decided to make in the mirror at each other. And things were falling back into place.

~

            “I just want her to yell at me again! Why is she letting me get away with everything?” Jisung whined as he collapsed beside Changbin on the couch. Chan swivelled around in his chair to look at the pair on the couch.

            “Is it possible she heard our call the day you were complaining about her?” He asked as his mind started putting the pieces together. How she began to act different after their call that day. Jisung started to think about it, putting the same pieces together in his mind. But he wanted to deny it, didn’t want to believe that his girlfriend, his beautiful, perfect girlfriend, heard him complaining about her to his best friend. Because he knows had the roles been switched, he would be devastated, heartbroken, inconsolable.

            “No. No. No.” He began to shake his head as he repeated the word. “No. She couldn’t have. Absolutely not.” The tears started welling up in his eyes as he stood from the couch, now pacing around the studio, still repeating the word no. “Fuck!” He screamed. “How am I supposed to fix this? Did she hear us the other day in the studio talking about guys night?” He thought about how bad it would have sounded, overhearing him agree to cheating on his girlfriend, something he would never actually do. “Shit. Fuck. Dammit! Fuck!”

            “Okay, okay breathe Jisung. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” Chan said, reaching his arms out and placing his hands on Jisung’s shoulders. “Focus on your breathing.” Jisung nodded and Chan led him back to the couch to sit him down. Chan continued to coach him through the panic attack.

            “Thank you.” He said meekly. Chan just handed him a bottle of water and told him not to worry about it.

            “Listen dude, even if she did hear us the other day, you didn’t do anything. You left after half a drink and went straight home to her.” Changbin explained. “All of us will vouch for you if she asks. Even given the chance, you stayed loyal. That’s what matters.” Jisung nodded. Surrounded by girls that were begging for their attention. Jisung would still choose Y/n. No questions asked, no hesitation.

            He realizes then just how much he’s pushed her away. How she’s practically a shell of the woman he met and fell in love with. It was killing her to go along with everything he wanted, but she kept smiling, kept allowing him to do whatever. He felt disgusted with himself, hated himself, for being so happy, so excited, about it. Thinking his relationship was better than ever when in reality it was falling apart. “Hyung I need to fix this.” He said, looking at Chan, tears still in his eyes.

            “Go.” Was all Chan said. Jisung didn’t waste a second running out of the studio, into the streets, hailing a cab, and spitting out his address as fast as he could. He wasn’t sure how he was going to fix it, but he would do absolutely everything to do so.

~

            She was in the kitchen doing some baking when Jisung came barreling in, not bothering to take his shoes off, and wrapped his arms around her. She froze her actions, slowly melting into his touch. “What are you doing home already?”

            “Wanted to spend some time with my baby. We weren’t doing much.” Jisung pulled away from the back hug and leaned on the counter next to her so he could see her face. “So pretty. Look at you. Oh you’re blushing. Looks like I still got it.”

            “What you got is my foot up your ass if you don’t take your shoes off.” She joked as she lightly kicked his leg.

            “Kinky.” He replied as he went back to the front door to take his shoes off and put his slippers on. “Do you need help baby?” He asked as he walked back into the kitchen.

            “Well I was originally trying to surprise you, but you came back early.” She giggled as she continued working through the recipe. Jisung just stared at her, taking in everything about her. It was like his world was going in slow motion as he watched her. Even after everything he did, she was still trying to do things for him. To make him happy. To make him feel loved.

            “What did I do to deserve you?” He asked softly, wrapping his arms around her again, resting his chin on her shoulder. She turned her head to press a kiss to his cheek.

            “You exist, Sungie. That’s all you need to do.”

~

            “Come on. We don’t want to be late for dinner with our parents!” Y/n called up to Jisung, who was fixing his hair in the bathroom for the tenth time.

            “I’m coming.” He repeated over and over as he ran down the stairs. As he got to the bottom, he saw her, and he froze. Standing there in a dress that fit her oh so perfectly, her hair done, makeup done. He couldn’t stop staring, falling in love with her all over again. She was the most beautiful girl in the world to him. It was like time slowed down as she stood there. Like those prom scenes in movies but he’s the one walking down the stairs meeting her at the bottom. And if they didn’t need to meet their parents for dinner, he would be carrying her up to their bedroom.

            “Let’s go.” Jisung was starstruck. He knows there’s no way he’s ever going to love anyone else the way he loves her. And he regrets almost ruining it. Promises himself he’ll never make the same mistakes and continue loving her the way she deserves.

~

            Jisung was telling stories about the members, making them all laugh at the antics they get up to. She couldn’t help but stare at him whenever he was talking, loving the way the suit fit him. Thinking about all the things she could do to him once they were home. It’s been way too long since they’ve been intimate, with all the arguments, and then her distancing herself as to not have her heartbroken had he decided to walk away.

            But ever since he came back early from work, no before that, since he came back early from guys night, he’s the Sungie she fell in love with. Loving her the way he used to. She wakes up in his arms to him pressing kisses all over her face. He watches her as she cooks them breakfast. Comes home to her, wrapping her in a giant hug every single time.

            She unpacked the suitcase in the closet, no longer feeling the need to run before he got home. Everything is falling back into place.

            “So Jisung, when are you proposing?” Her mom asked. Jisung let out a breathy chuckle as he reached to grab Y/n’s hand.

            “Marriage isn’t in the cards anytime soon. I’m too busy for that.” He explained before jumping into another story about the boys. And she felt her entire world shatter once again. The embarrassment she felt had her nauseous, so she excused herself to the bathroom.

            Hovering over the toilet in a stall, tears streaming down her face as she wills the food to stay down. After the feeling passed, she cleaned herself up, hoping no one would notice that she cried. She took a couple deep breaths before exiting the bathroom, Jisung stopping her from returning to the table. “What?” She asked coldly.

            “Did I say something wrong?” He asked with a pout. Did he seriously not know how humiliated she feels right now?

            “We’ll talk later.” Was all she said before walking back to their table. And Jisung just smiled to himself, knowing she was none the wiser to his plan.

            “You feeling okay, pumpkin?” Her dad asked. She just smiled and nodded, explaining that there was a small line in the bathroom and that’s why she took a while. Jisung returned shortly after, grabbing her hand as soon as he sat down, running his thumb over her empty ring finger. It felt like salt in the wound so she took her hand back.

            Conversations continued on, but she didn’t contribute much. Trying her hardest not to cry again. It felt like she was suffocating and there was nothing she could do. Like she was sinking in quick sand, clawing her way up just to be sucked further down. Like she’s sinking to the bottom of a pool and no one is coming to save her.

            “Oh dear it’s getting late.” Jisung’s mom said. “Shall we pay and head out?” She looked directly at Y/n, giving her a small smile. It was as if she could see the suffering she was feeling and gave her a helping hand.

            “It’s on me, don’t even worry about it.” Jisung explained. Her parents and his parents thanked him for the dinner. And after he paid, the six of them headed out, going in separate directions towards their own vehicles. “Baby please talk to me.” Jisung pleaded, stopping her before she could get in the car.

            “You want to do this here?” She asked and he could tell she was upset. Something he hasn’t seen from her in months. Despite him trying his best to piss her off enough that’d she’d yell at him the last few weeks. Nothing seemed to work, she was determined to not start any fights. All because of that stupid phone call he had with Chan who knows how long ago. He doesn’t even remember what he said, but he knows she does.

            He knows she definitely has every word committed to memory and it haunts her every single day. And he wishes he could erase her memory of the call, but he can’t. He has to allow the words to haunt her and there’s nothing he could do about it. The things he would give up if it meant she wouldn’t hear those words.

            “You’re impossible.” She sarcastically laughed, tongue in cheek as she ripped her arm out of his grip and tried to get into the car once again, but he stopped her again. “Jisung please let’s just go home.”

            “Stop holding things in and just yell at me dammit!” He exclaimed.

            “I don’t want to do this here.” She said as she looked around. Some people were heading into the restaurant, some people were leaving. But there were people everywhere and she didn’t want to disturb their evening with some petty fight that will just end with him going to the dorms. Running away from their arguments like he always did.

            “Well I do. Tell me what I did to upset you.”

            “Fine.” She said before taking a deep breath. “You humiliated me Jisung. I understand that you’re busy and getting married anytime soon definitely isn’t happening. But really? Not in the cards? And then you continue talking about the members as if my mom asked about what you had for lunch? Fuck Jisung, they were all you talked about tonight. Maybe marriage isn’t a big deal to you, but it is to me. I want to get married. I want to marry you. If you don’t feel the same, tell me right now. Let’s end things before it’s too late.”

            “What? Baby no. No absolutely not. I’m not letting you go. Not now, not ever. You are my end game. My everything. I’ve made some mistakes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to marry you. In fact-“ He paused for a second, reaching into his pants pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. With a smile on his face, he knelt down on one knee, opening the box to reveal a ring that was a dream. “I am so in love with you it’s not even funny anymore. I couldn’t picture living my life with anyone other than you. I’m sorry I said it wasn’t in the cards, but I couldn’t have you figuring out I was planning on proposing. So Y/n, baby, will you marry me?”

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[jacksdinonuggets]

~ T r a u m a ~

Summary:Lucifer is trying to spend some time to get to know Vaggie but she ends up in littlespace so Lucifer takes care of her.

It was rough keeping a big secret from Charlie. Even though she accepted her now and they were on good terms, things were still very stressful. Her wings contributed to that factor as well. They reminded her of what she did before Charlie found her and it gave her a lot of guilt. A few panic attacks later, she decided to talk about it to Charlie one day, hoping that she’ll feel better.

“Maybe you should talk to someone about this,” Charlie suggested, “I’m not exactly qualified and there aren’t many therapists in hell, but maybe you could talk to my dad,”

“Why Lucifer?” Vaggie asked, a little bit nervous. She didn’t exactly want to talk about all this heavy shit to her girlfriend’s dad. What if she makes herself look bad and he’s unaccepting of them? He did know she was an exorcist but never knew why she fell in the first place. It was too heavy to talk about in their little time together.

“Well, he’s also a fallen angel, he might understand how it feels,” The princess prompted.

Vaggie bit her lip, wondering what she should do. Finally, after a moment of hesitation, she sighed and agreed.

A day or two later, Vaggie stands in front of Lucifer’s room. It was just one of the nicer hotel rooms, so it wasn’t supposed to be as intimidating. But it was. She took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

“Mr Morningstar?” She called out, slowly opening the door and entering. He had one of the suites so she assumed he was just in one of the bedrooms.

“Ah, Maggie! Good to see you!” He popped up to her side and gave her a hug. She flinched, but then relaxed.

“It’s Vaggie, Sir,” She calmly corrected him.

“Vaggie, got it. Anyways, what brings you to my humble abode,” He asked, leading her to the kitchen area where he poured himself a glass of water.

“I- uhhh, I was hoping to talk to you about something,” She nervously looked around the room, trying to avoid eye contact. She really didn’t want to make this more awkward and terrifying than it already was.

“Oh, alright, let's sit then,” he walked over to the couch and gestured a hand to the one in front of it so they sat facing towards each other.

“So, I- Uh, Charlie wanted me to talk to you about some struggles I’ve been having that have to do with being a fallen angel,” she began, “I don’t even know how to start,” 

She thought about it for a second and took a deep breath.

“What do you do when… you feel so ashamed for being an angel that you think it would be better if you were gone?”

“That’s a tough question. Mind telling me why you feel ashamed first?” he asked. He would probably have to tell Charlie about these thoughts. It definitely wasn’t healthy.

Vaggie’s memories and reasons why she was guilty flashed in her head. The people she’s killed. The souls lost. It's all her fault. 

“I- I- I-,” She stuttered.

“Hey, it’s okay, take a deep breath,” he instructed. After she took a couple, she felt a bit calmer.

“I was an exorcist for years. I killed so many and hurt many more. I lied to Charlie, I lied to my friends, I even lied to myself. I kept saying that it was okay but it wasn’t! Nothing is okay! I’m not fucking okay! I’m a murderer.…” she confessed. He sucked in a breath but she wasn’t done.

“I wasn’t even punished! I- I deserve to feel hurt and pain. I deserve agony but no one will give it to me. My stupid wings are a constant reminder of the monster I am,” She began to stumble on her words as her lip began to quiver. She’s held so much in that she was an absolute mess now that she was talking about it. It made her headspace immediately fall like a bag of sand being thrown off a cliff. 

Before she knew it, she started crying, sobbing even. Lucifer got really worried and moved to sit next to her. He wrapped his arms around her shaking body. She was very much ugly crying. The hiccuping, hyperventilating kind too. Why was he giving her comfort. He should be upset with her.

“Vaggie, you don’t deserve any pain. You’ve changed. You’re not deserving of a punishment anymore. You deserve comfort and help,” He told her in a calm, gentle voice. It was quite nurturing too.

Being a caregiver, he could notice easily when a headspace dropped and he could tell hers went deep down fast. He gently pulled her into his lap and began to rock her, trying to calm the baby down.

“Shh, shhh, you’re okay, we all forgive you, shh, shhh,” He spoke soothingly into her ear. 

He made a rubber duck appear and held it in front of her.

“Look! It’s a ducky!” he sqeaked it, trying to get her attention. She looked up at it, still crying but not as many hiccups. Lucifer moved it around and made little quacking noises to entertain her. It seemed to help.

He gave the ducky to her once she stopped crying. She immediately tried to put it in her mouth.

“Ah, ah, ah, you don’t know where that’s been,” he took it out of her mouth and made a pacifier appear in her mouth. She sucked on while playing the rubber duck.

He lifted her up and placed her on the second couch. He snapped his fingers and her clothing changed. She was now in a thick diaper and onesie. Lucifer had babysat enough times to know what clothing helped her feel safe. 

He brought her over to the bedroom and laid her down in bed before he took off his shoes and climbed in too. She seemed very clingy so he definitely would need to cuddle with her.

She snuggled up close to him as he massaged her scalp. He felt bad that she had to deal with all of this guilt. It was upsetting to say the least. Even though they weren’t very close, he still cared and worried about her.

He felt content once he heard soft snoring coming from the girl. It was a peaceful sight, knowing that she was no longer fighting her inner demons. He slipped out of the bed without waking her up and went back into the small living room area.

He brainstormed what kind of toys Vaggie would like. He wanted to make sure she had something to do when she woke up. After summoning a couple of blocks, a shape sorting game, and setting up a cute purple tent and filled it with a bunch of pillows and blankets, he sat on the couch and scrolled on his hellphone. He contemplated calling Charlie but he didn’t want her to think he wasn’t good enough to take care of Vaggie.

He sat there for a while until a scream erupted from the bedroom. He shot up and scrambled towards the sound. He followed it and opened the door. The sight he was greeted with was sad to say the least. The poor girl was shot up in bed, bawling while clutching the blankets. He could easily see sweat beads rolling down her forehead too. Using context clues, he realized that she must’ve had a nightmare.

“Sweetie,” he sat down next to her on the bed. He rubbed her back and kissed her forehead, waiting patiently for her to calm down. He wiped away her tears and held a tissue to her nose, which she blew into, clearing her sinuses. She cried for a minute or two until she was feeling a bit better.

Lucifer summoned a bottle filled with cold water and pulled her into his lap. A diaper change was in order afterwards but for now, he fed her the water, knowing that it would help. Once she finished it, she mumbled a “t’ank you,” 

“You’re welcome, Little ducky. Do you want to talk about your bad dream?” Lucifer asked. 

“Dun wanna think about it,” She told him. “Scary,” 

“It’s okay, baby, you don’t need to talk about it. I have a small surprise for you but do you need any help getting your diapy changed?” He asked. She nodded, feeling way too small to do it herself. 

He laid her down on the ground and began to make quick work of the change. Vaggie played with a small fidget cube so it wasn’t so overwhelming. Once he was done and taped everything up, he carried her on his hip into the living room where watched her play with blocks and sorting games.

Lucifer never realized how intense her trauma was. He was glad that he now knew so he could prepare for any future mishaps. It made him determined to be the best caregiver ever. He would make the small and scared fallen angel feel happy with herself again.

[jonahmagnus]

How I think the TOH characters would react to you asking their pronouns:

1) Luz Noceda

Start of season one: "Uh, she/her! I think."

By the end of season one: "She/her! For noww~..." *double pistols and a wink*

Season two: "She/they baby! What about you?"

Season three: "She/they, but I dont really care."

Post show: "Ehhh, call me whatever. Follow your heart! See where the wind takes you. Look into the sunset. Listen to the whistle of the sea breeze. The answer lies within your heart, you just have to listen" *leaves before you can figure out what the fuck that means*

2) Gus Porter

"He/they, thanks for asking!" Hes a gay ally at the start of season one, but only because he learned about how humans are opporessed for "being happy" in their realm and that broke his heart so much he swore to stand by any "gay" human he ever found. So he self-identifies as an ally dispite being literally bisexual. Luz considers explaining what gay means in human modern context, but decides this is funnier, and then forgets about it.

3) Willow Park

Start of season one: "O-oh! She/they, thanks for asking! What about you?" A little unsure of herself gender wise but is coming into it

By season two: "They/She! What about you?" *Winks* By this point shes grown into herself and identifies as nonbinary. However, hes still not ready to peer into the depths of his soul and acknowledge the true hidden truth at the bottom there. No little plant boy dont internalize that!!!!

Post-show: "She/he/they, thanks for asking!" This is still fully a lie but he plays cat and mouse with his own gender for a couple years after the show. Literally refuses to think about it. He has other shit going on (he doesnt).

Finally, post-post-show: "He/him! Yours?" He is a nonbinary butch womanthing. Thank god he finally figured that out. Amity and Gus quietly exchange their bet money. Amity won.

4) Amitt Blight

Season one: "She/her. What do you want." I loved her bitch era it was so fun.

Season two: "She/they! Uh, thanks... for asking? Am I supposed to ask for yours now?" Still figuring out the proper etiquette. God bless her soul.

Season 3: "Oh, she/they. You?" This social script is so ingrained in her autistic speech patterns and mind that she acidentally said it to a cafe worker once and she almost turned herself into goo. Rip autopilot girlie......

Post-show: "She/they! :) What about yours?" She is secure in her answer now 👍 a certified category five nonbinary woman moment.

5) Hunter Noceda

Season one: "My..... whats?" You try to explain what they are to him and he says "My uncle says gender is a sin and I should never fall into it lest my soul be lost. And I dont know what that means but I dont want him to be mad at me so. Bye" and then he would flee the scene at 300mph and have a panic attack about in the closet.

Season two: "Oh... uh.... he... him?? I think??" *remembers youre supposed to ask something back* "Why do you need to know that" he sounds increasingly desperate as he realizes the social script for this conversation is slipping from his grasp, much like his current sanity.

Season 3: "Oh, oh, uhm, he/him, I guess" He sounds VERY unsure about that. You eye the book in his shoulder bag, and he shuffles awkwardly.

Post-show: "They/he!" They say, still a little haltingly. You nod like you believe it.

Post-post-show: "They...he... it? I mean I like they and it the most but Uhm he is still fine its fine like Im still a human. Im still a human... man" okay Hunter, for sure.

Post-post-post-post-show: "she...they?????" Sure Hunter

Post-post-post-post-post-show: "she/IT???" she shoulds desperate. Okay hunter.

Post-post-post-post-post-postshow: "It/its, but she/her is fine as well. Uh, thanks for asking. Uh. You?" There we go. Glad you finally came to this realization. The Murderbot Diaries would have irreversible affects on its gender.

[ladykailitha]

Oh For a Muse of Fire! Part 7

I love writing this story so much I am constantly going back and rereading my favorite parts. And when I write really, really good bits I want to put it up immediately so you all can squee with me. But I also know that it’s better to give each part some time between each one so the chapter can get the love it deserves. It’s ongoing battle I tell you.

This is the start of what I’ve been calling in my head the dark chapters. This is where we get to the tragic backstories that drove these two boys apart. TW: for panic attack in this and brief mention violence.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

*

Chrissy came over to where the boys had sat down with Wayne after they had put their equipment away. She slid the beers over to each of them with practiced ease.

“So...” she began. “You’ve got history with my boy, Garnet.”

“Who the fuck is Garnet?” Jeff asked.

Chrissy giggled. “My boss is weird hipster who has all off of us go by gem names to keep up the mystic of the place. Jewels of the Queen’s Crown as it were.”

Gareth laughed. “And what do they call you?”

“I’m Opal for now,” she explained after taking a swig of her beer. “But Garnet says that before he leaves, I’ll probably be Sapphire or Emerald.” She thought for a moment. “Considering Diamond’s sense of humor? Probably Sapphire.”

“Why Sapphire?” Eddie asked, frowning in confusion.

Chrissy laughed. “Because I’m a lesbian?” The boys just stared at her with blank faces. “Sappho is the first lesbian? Another word for lesbian is sapphic? Sapphire, sapphic?”

Suddenly they got it and started nodded.

She turned to Eddie. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you avoiding the question. You and I are going to have nice long talk about it later.”

Eddie straightened up and looked guiltily at his beer. “We just aren’t in the same universe is all.”

Chrissy looked over at Garnet and sighed. “I think you guys are closer than you think.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eddie growled. “In what multi-verse are me and that man even in the same hemisphere?”

Chrissy sighed. “I’m not one for spreading rumors around but from what I’ve heard, Garnet’s dad threw him out when he came out as gay.”

All four boys turned to look at Steve slinging cocktails like he was born to it in shock.

“He’s gay?” Jeff asked. “There’s no way. He was a known ladies’ man in high school. Him and his girlfriend were like the king and queen of Hawkins.”

Chrissy just hummed. “Trust me when I say that I’ve been working with him for almost two months now, and the dude ain’t straight. He never flirts with the girls. Like ever. And yeah, sure some of it can be marked down to Garnet being a consummate professional. But when guys flirt with him, he gets all flustered and turns pink.”

Eddie sat back. “Huh.” He shrugged off the gnawing feeling in the back of his mind of what it would have been like if Eddie had known that sooner. “Still, I wouldn’t have thought that pretty, rich boy Garnet would deign to work at a bar, even one as upscale as this one.”

“What the fuck you talking about, boy?” Wayne growled, speaking up for the first time. “I didn’t teach you that classist bullshit.”

Eddie ducked his head. “Sorry, Uncle Wayne.”

Wayne jutted his chin Steve’s direction. “I know you’ve been calling him something different because of the rules of the club or whatever, but if you lot are talking about that boy at the bar, then you need to check your bias. He worked at the plant for a year on the weekends trying to save money for college.”

Everyone turned to Wayne in shock.

“He worked at the plant?” Gareth said. “But I thought he was earning money babysitting. He used to babysit my sister Clara after school when I had to work or had band practice.”

Jeff shook his head. “Nah, man. He was working at Family Video that year. My mom would gush about how sweet and helpful he was when she was trying to find a good family movie.”

Wayne took a sip of his beer. “That boy did all three at the same time. He told me he’d work the video store during the time the kids would be at school and then babysit after. Then he’d work weekends at night at the plant.” He glared at Eddie. “Did such a good job, Ken wanted him to take over as foreman of the night shift when he retired.”

Eddie looked over at Steve and furrowed his brow. “Sorry, Uncle Wayne,” he repeated with more conviction.

Wayne nodded and the topic changed to what songs they should preform next time and in what order.

Sometimes Eddie would catch himself looking over at Steve in a new light.

*

Steve was having a bad week. There was no getting around it. He was trying to get to class, but the beemer wouldn’t start.

It ground and ground, but wouldn’t start.

“Fuck!”

He pounded on the steering wheel. He was going to have to take the bus, which meant he was going to be late.

He threw open his door and popped the hood. Maybe he figure it out. He checked the oil and the other fluids, but they were all at least decent levels. He check for any loose cables but everything seemed to be connected.

Steve was about to slam the hood back down when someone stopped him.

“What seems to be the trouble, Harrington?” Eddie asked, hand on the hood preventing its closure.

Steve sighed. “No fucking clue. And I’m going to be late for class. And since the midterm is due today, if I’m late, I’m fucked.”

Eddie hummed. “I’ll call someone to come get the car and I’ll drive you in.”

Steve stared at him wide-eyed and slack-jawed. “Why? You don’t like me.”

Eddie cocked his head to the side. “No, I don’t. However, I’m not going to let someone like you mess things up for Joyce.”

Steve wanted to protest and scream but he knew that’s what Eddie expected him to do. So he just shrugged. “Whatever, man. Just get me the number for this auto shop of yours and we’ll consider the transaction complete.”

Eddie slammed the hood down and Steve went to pull the keys out of the ignition. He kept the windows rolled up, but the door unlocked. He placed the keys under the visor and then grabbed his bag.

“The tow truck will be here in five minutes,” Eddie said, putting his phone back into his pocket, “so it shouldn’t be too long.”

Steve sighed heavily and followed Eddie to his van.

Once they were on their way Steve turned to him. “What did you mean that I might mess things up for Joyce?”

Eddie looked at him briefly before turning back to the road. “I thought you knew her.”

Steve sighed again. “Yeah, four years ago. Which is what I tried to tell Dean Ortega. Yes, I used to babysit her youngest son. Yes, I did that for a year. No, I haven’t spoken to her in the last four. Been kinda busy, you know, going to school.”

Eddie hummed. “There’s been so much trouble with the course the college is thinking of dropping it. And if that happens...”

Steve threw his head back against the headrest. “Then she’s out a job. Great. I was there for those two major fuck ups. I don’t know what happened with the last teacher, but the first professor was a real piece of work.”

Eddie licked his lips thoughtfully. “According to Joyce, Professor Martin was found sleeping with the live model.”

Steve blinked. “The basketball captain?” he asked, his voice squeaking in shock and outrage. “Holy fuck!”

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed. “Joyce said that she was surprised that they even gave the class one more chance.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, I guess. Jesus Christ.”

They got to class and Joyce looked at them with a big grin on her face. “Oh, I didn’t know you guys were friends!”

Eddie and Steve shared a glance.

“Oh we’re not,” Eddie said and Steve winced.

“We just live in the same apartment complex and Eddie came to my rescue when my car wouldn’t start this morning,” Steve explained.

Joyce smiled fondly. “That was sweet of you, Eddie dear.”

Eddie blushed and turned his head. “I was just being a good Samaritan.”

“Well, thank you,” she murmured.

Steve nodded. “Yeah, thanks Eds.”

Eddie bit his lip at the new nickname. “You’re welcome.”

Steve grinned and went to sit down.

Eddie blushed and got into position, striping down to his underwear. He kept his eye on Steve like he always did. But today, instead of the count of one, two, three and look away, Steve’s gaze lingered, drawing in shorter spurts and longer looks at his body.

He didn’t know how he felt about that, or rather his brain didn’t. His heart and libido were one hundred percent onboard with the heated regard. His brain told them to shut up.

*

It was an unseasonably warm day for March. The sun was finally starting to do more then hang in the sky and look pretty. Robin and Steve were on their way back to their apartment after a rare Sunday meeting at the bar. They were dressed for work. Robin all in black and Steve in his white button up.

They were a block and half from their place, having had to take the bus with Steve’s car still in the shop, when suddenly a storm rolled in and opened up above them.

Instantly they were drenched to the skin. Robin broke into a run to try to get to their apartment faster, but soon realized that Steve wasn’t with her. She looked back to see that Steve had sunk to his knees, his arms wrapped around his shoulders. As if he was trying to cover his back.

“Shit!” Robin hissed and ran back to his side. “Steve? Come on, Steve. We’re almost home.”

He shook his head and began to rock back and forth. “They’ll see! They’ll see.”

“Steve, there’s no one around,” she reasoned. “I’ll even walk behind you if that will make you feel better. But we can’t just sit out here in the rain, dingus.”

But try as she might, she knew it was futile. Steve was firmly locked inside his head and she didn’t know how to get him out. Even after years of seeing him like this, she hadn’t found a tried and true way to make him come out, except to wait them out and hope it didn’t take too long.

She sat on the cold wet pavement and settled down to wait out this nightmare.

Just then a van slowed down beside them and Eddie called out, “Hey, Buckley, everything okay?”

She looked down at Steve and then back at Eddie. She had a choice to make and it wasn’t an easy one.

“No,” she said, forcing out the best response for Steve in that moment. They needed help and if Eddie was willing, she’d be a fool to turn him away.

The van came to screeching halt and Eddie was out onto the pavement in an instant.

“What happened?” he asked, not sure if he should get close in case it was seizure again.

“It started to rain and his scars started to show through the white fabric,” Robin explained.

Eddie walked around to Steve’s back and cursed. “What the fuck?!”

Robin frowned. “How the hell do you not know about Steve’s scars? Like literally everyone in the whole god damn country knows how he got them.”

Eddie’s head reared back. “Um...not me. When did it happen?”

Robin stared at him aghast. “What do you mean when did it happen? It was literally a nine day wonder on all news outlets.” When Eddie just continued to stare at her as if she was mad, she said. “His senior year of high school? He was gone for like a week, how did you not notice?”

Eddie pursed his lips. “Probably the same reason you never noticed I was gone for that same fucking time period.”

She looked down at Steve who was still rocking back and forth. “Steve, hey can you hear me?”

Steve just continued to be lost in his own world.

Eddie took a step closer to see if he could help but Robin held her hand up. “Stay back! When he gets like this his fight or flight response is heightened and he’s been known to pack one hell of a punch.”

Eddie blinked rapidly. “Come again?” His hand came up to his jaw instinctively.

Robin rubbed circles along Steve’s back trying to get his to calm down. “There was once he had a panic attack in public and this guy came up and tried to help him, thinking he’d fallen or something,” she explained. “Steve lashed out not knowing what was happening. He said he woke up with a vague memory of the hit and bruised knuckles. Of course by then, the guy had booked it.”

Eddie took a step back. “That...that was me.”

Robin’s head shot up. “Oh fuck.” She looked back down at Steve. “You thought he hit you because you tried to help him.”

Eddie snarled, “He dislocated my jaw. I couldn’t sing for six months.”

Robin was on her feet in an instant. “Shit, shit, shit. He doesn’t know what he’s doing when he’s like this. That incident haunts him.”

Eddie took another step back. “It haunts me too.” He yanked off his jacket and threw it at her. “For his modesty. He can return it at the next class.”

He turned on his heel and ran to his van. He peeled away from the curb, like the hounds of hell were on his tail.

Robin stood there watching Eddie go, her tears blending with the rain. She didn’t even bother to wipe her face. She walked back to Steve and put the jacket around his shoulders.

The combination of the warmth of the jacket and the covering of Steve’s scars, he slowly came out of his panic attack.

She helped him to his feet and the made it the rest of the way to their apartment. She let him have the first shower and put him to bed.

They were going to have to have a long talk when he was sane enough to handle it.

Part 8 Part 9  Part 10  Part 11  Part 12 Part 13  Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17  Epilogue

Tag List: @artiststarme @allbymyselfexceptformycactus @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @itsall-taken @m-owo-n @zerokrox-blog @runyousillydetective @grimmfitzz @wonderland-girl143-blog @sapphirecobalt-1 @scheodingers-muppet @victor-thee-corvid @apricottree @bookbinderbitch @sleepyboosstuff @biatcgh @pixiefallingupthestairs @grtwdsmwhr @thepainisspicy @carlyv @eboyawstenn @bisexualdisastersworld @bidisastersworld @abstractnaturaldisaster @evix-syne666 @nerdsconquerall @lololol-1234 @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @a-little-unsteddie @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @elluminis @tailsfromthecrypt @danili666 @plyerice27 @alittlegreyfish  @n0-1-important @no-upper-limit-to-stupidity @maya-custodios-dionach @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @heaven428

[kaylinlmao]

Fight PT 5 *Edited*

This was HIGHLY requested. Hope y'all like it! :) Collaboration with @heaartzforcupid

I bolted and got to my car before the boys caught up. I drove home quickly, locking all the doors and windows. I was freaking the fuck out. I had to tell someone! But I promised that I wouldn't. What if they kill me next? And I'm no liar. I decided that I wouldn't tell anyone about what happened. I just didn't understand why they killed him. When I went to the hospital, the injuries weren't even that bad!

My mom and sister got home and I ate dinner with them. I think my sister realized that something was up because she kept looking at me weird. That night when I went to sleep, I could've sworn I heard my mom and sister talking about me.

The next morning, I begged and pleaded with my mom to let me stay home because I felt sick. She just wouldn't have it. "No. That's my final answer. If you still feel yucky tomorrow, then you don't have to go but today you have a quiz in English. Go get ready hun." I groaned loudly. "Fine!" I walked off, got ready for school, grabbed some breakfast, and drove to school, dreading seeing the boys. They were gonna be so mad that I bolted.

My first class I had with all the boys but only Robin showed up. He sat next to me right before the bell rang. He slipped me a note after the teacher started talking. The note said, "get your fucking ass to the bathroom after I go. Understood?" I was shaking. I'm just not gonna go. "No" I wrote back. "Y/N. I'm not fucking kidding. We'll be even madder if you don't come" I looked at him and nodded. What can I say? I don't want to die!

He raised his hand and asked if he could go to the bathroom. 5 minutes later, I did the same. I went to the 2nd floor bathroom where he said to meet him at. All the boys were in there when I got there. They all stood menacing around the room. "So Princesa, why'd you run?" Robin said. "I don't know." I said looking down at the ground. "You don't know? That's the fucking answer you're going with?" "What am I supposed to say? I ran because you guys are fucking murderers!" I yelled. All of a sudden Billy went into the biggest stall and Vance shoved me in there.

"Sit down, peach." He said. "Why should I?" "Fine, don't sit. We all love you very much but you're getting on our nerves." "YOUR NERVES? YOUR FUCKING NERVES?" He kissed me on the mouth and walked out while Bruce walked in. "Sweetheart, please don't tell anyone what you saw. Then we'll all have to leave you alone again." Bruce said, kissed me and walked out. Bruh. I'm bouta have a damn panic attack. I just got kissed by two goddamn boys in 2 minutes.

Then Finney came in. "Hey baby. Come here." He said, sitting on the floor and pulling me to sit between his legs. "I love you more than anything in the entire galaxy baby. I don't want to leave you." Kissed me, then left. What the hell. I'm starting to feel like a damn slut man. Robin came in, pulled me down to straddle his lap. "I love you so much, Hermosa. You won't tell anyone what you saw yesterday right. And you won't pull that stunt again. Understand?" I was still in a daze so I mumbled "Yes." "Good girl, Princesa." He said, kissing me then leaving. Last who came in was Vance. "Did you listen to them Dollface? We love you so much. We did it for you! And when you run away from us or call us murderers then it makes us so sad. Ok, doll? Lets make everyone happy." Kissed me then left.

They all went to class while I sat on the bathroom floor in pure shock. They all loved me? They did it for me? Snap out of it Y/N. They're manipulating you. Just play along for now until you get a chance alone. But that wasn't gonna happen. Finney and I were in the first class together. Then as I was going to math, Finney passed me off to Griffin, who had the class with me. At lunch, they didn't let me leave their sight. I wanted to eat with Donna that day so they were pissing me off by not letting me. Next class I had was English with all of them. Last class was Spanish, which I had with Billy.

The next day went the same. I never realized it but every class I have has at least one of them in it. First class the next day was chemistry with Vance. Not that he was paying any attention. Then I had history with Robin. Then I had art with Finney and fucking psychology with Bruce! I never got a second alone unless I was at home. It was infuriating! I was so overwhelmed! And on top of that, everyone was calling me a slut and a murderer!

"Wasn't she just with Vance? Why is she with Robin now?" "What a slut whore." Bethany and her friends spoke to each other loudly. My face turned red as I stared at my desk. "Did you hear that she was the last one to see Moose?" "She must've murdered or kidnapped him!" "Y/N Y/L/N please come to the office for questioning. Y/N Y/L/N please come to the office for questioning." Huh?

Ooh. Another cliffhanger. A longer one because I fell asleep so I posted late. Let me know in the comments if you want PT 6! Love y'all! :) -Kaylin

[cookiesupplier]

Every Rose Has Its Thorns - Part Twenty-Six

pairing: Ricky Olson x ofc x Chris 'Motionless' Cerulli

warnings/tropes: slow burn, soulmates, strangers to enemies to lovers, betrayal, angst, fluff, smut, language, panic attack, stalking, online bullying, mental health issues.

summary: In a world where soulmates inexplicably receive a tattoo that will match that of their soulmate the moment they turn eighteen years old, being famous and covered in very visible tattoos can make finding your true soulmate a questionable fate. For everyone involved.

❗❗ author’s note: This chapter includes serious mental health situations in the past of a character, involving being unwillingly committed into a mental facility. Please beware of this potential trigger. Also, I am in no way a medical professional.❗❗

tags: @tearfallpixie @cncohshit @jordynyingling0219 @faceless-mirror @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @witchyweeb34 @black-damask1999 @jilliemiw86 @ilovesamkiszka @lyschko666 @lacktoesandtoddlerants @bngurngheart @collapsedglasshouses @laurpartyprogram @sunsshinesunny @malerieee

Tag List is Open, please let me know if you would like to be added to it or in general.

Thank You.

She was thanking him, what, Rick as happy as he was that she wasn’t mad at him, she was thanking him, again, for something he didn’t think he deserved. It pained him that she thought she had to thank him for this, thank him for trying to look out for her. Especially when, a moment ago, he thought she was going to destroy him for invading her privacy.

“Sweetheart, you don’t-”

But before he could tell her, again, like this morning, that she didn't have to thank her for treating her with human decency, something he should have done from the start. Chris was reaching for his shoulder to stop him, fingers gripping him with a light squeeze to get his attention and cutting him off.

"It's okay, JellyBean, it's okay.. We're here for you."

When Ricky looked up over her shoulder at him confused, Chris just shook his head, and that gesture just made the feeling even worse. He didn’t get it, what wasn’t he understanding here, was he so out of the loop that he was just missing something entirely? Chris seemed to take pity on him after a moment, especially when it didn’t seem like Talia wanted to let him go yet, wanting to give her a moment to just breath..

Grabbing his phone, quickly working his fingers over the keys, typing out a message, and Rick picked up his phone to silence his messages before it came through and alerted her, assuming that was why Chris sent the message instead of just talking. His phone vibrating when the notifications started coming through, he glanced down to the screen.

Chris: she’s been fucked over by almost everyone in her life Chris: realised she can trust you to have her back with this at least Chris: just let it happen

Looking up from his phone at Chris, letting his face go completely slack for a second, he had got to be kidding him, just let it happen? Really, that was his advice right now, how was that supposed to be helping him, at all? Chris, however, was just smirking, his face all kinds of amused at the pure look of nothing but incredulity on Ricky’s face.. And Ricky just glared at him for it before he felt his phone vibrate in his hand, Chris had sent more..

Chris: don’t be stubborn Chris: trust me

This time he just rolled his eyes, he’d fucked her over in so many other ways though.. And yet, this one thing, just this, the thought of hurting her like this, made him feel fucking sick. Another glance at Chris.. Trust him.. Shit.. he had been right before.. Dammit, okay. Setting his phone back down, his hand moving back to rub down her back.

“We’re here for you, Sweetheart, no matter what.”

So they found himself holding her much like they had been this morning, sitting on the couch. Talia between them, not wanting to let go of Rick, but seeming to enjoy the comfort of Chris because when he’d gone to sit back from her, she’d made a strangled noise into Ricky’s shoulder prompting the other man to glance back at his friend and Chris to move closer to the pair again.

Still, she was far calmer than she had been this morning and so it took a far smoother time than it had then.. And Chris was grateful. Not because of how long it took, but because he never wanted to see her in so much pain like that again. It was soul-destroying to see anyone in that much pain, let alone someone he cared about, and Chris cared about Talia, so much. She had a delightful spirit, and even if she wasn’t Ricky’s soulmate, she was still Ava’s best friend, her sister, and the beauty in her heart, it was just… he swallowed, glancing at Rick over her shoulder. Smiling to him slightly as Talia sat up straighter now. 

She shifted so she was no longer facing Ricky with her back to Chris, glancing to each of them on at a time,

“Maybe we should sit up at the table now, make this conversation easier to have, while we can look at each other more clearly?”

Chris raised his eyebrow, funny that she said it like that, considering while she was talking Talia was dead set on not looking at either of them, just staring down at her hands in front of her, twisting her fingers, avoiding both of them entirely. 

“If that’s what you want, JellyBean.”

He glanced to Ricky, and sure enough, the other nodded, seeming to agree with him. Whether her reasoning was valid, considering she was the one that appeared to be the most uncomfortable right now, if she wanted to move from the couch, then they moved from the couch. Sure enough, soon they were relocated sitting up at the dining table, so they could all see each other easily, just like Talia had suggested, even if her eyes were still a little downcast towards her hands, but it was a start.

Talia took a deep breath, twisting her fingers in front of her, going over in her head what she needed to tell them, but needing to figure out how..

“I’m sorry I freaked out on you Ricky, don’t stop me, I know your opinion on my apologies. Just listen okay.”

Looking across the table at him, he was the one that had the most trouble with her apologising, she knew Chris told her she didn’t have to, but scolding her, and making her tell him off, he’d never gone that far!

“This is going to be hard enough for me to get out, so I need you to just listen, please?”

She took in a shuddering breath when he seemed to nod in agreement, and she smiled, nodding back, grateful that he was willing to accept that she wanted to do this her way this time.

“When I told Ava, Kyle and Jordan that my father tried to commit me, for a short time.. For a short time, he succeeded. Well, six months.”

“Six Months?!”

It wasn’t Ricky who burst out in surprise, and Talia glanced over at Chris who had been the one to speak up right then, only to see Ricky reach out to press a hand to his arm, seemingly as a means of comfort.

“How did Ava and the others not notice anything? I’m sorry, if my best friend disappeared for six months, I’d damn well notice.”

Talia smiled softly, he was so passionate about protecting those he loved and seeing Ricky press his hand tighter against his arm, holding onto him, showing how much he cared for Chris there, she nodded a bit to herself. He might seem so very difficult to deal with, but it was obvious that he had a softer side in there, somewhere.

“Um, well, we were in college, and my family took ski trips to Europe every year. I always hated it, its lavish, and pointless because I couldn’t bring any of my friends, family only and all of that. Usually its only about two months, but that year, instead of leaving for Europe, my parents intervened on my part of the trip.. And as far as my friends were aware, I was off having a wonderful love affair with the gorgeous sights and beauty that is Europe..”

Swallowing, she took in a deep breath,

“And you never thought to correct them.”

When she looked towards Ricky at his question.. She paused, words caught in her thought..

“It took me six months to get out of the facility, six months of being convinced I wasn’t your soulmate.. Six months of therapy and conditioning in how to live a more open and free life.. It was so painful, because the worst part was that, you see, there comes a point.. Where you start to believe it. You start to wonder, would you really be in there with all these people, these people with delusions, if you don’t have delusions either? Would a sane person really be stuck in there?”

Shuddering, she just shook her head for a moment, needing a second to just soothe herself,

“Once I was out, and I moved into Ava’s apartment before my parents could stop me, Ava was too excited to see me to ask why.. Sometimes I wonder if maybe she at least suspects the truth, or something like it, but I don’t dare say it out loud for fear of triggering something, like... like yesterday.”

Her eyes shifted back down to her hands, considering how Ava had pushed for dinner, but then backed off, she wasn’t sure either way anymore whether she thought Ava knew or not.. Maybe she didn’t, maybe thinking she knew was more wishful thinking in the hopes someone, anyone had noticed something had changed her. Of course, there were some people that knew, but the problem was the three friends who knew her well enough, had been excised from her life during the process, and fed so many lies, the web her family had woven, and Talia so easily continued rather than think about the pain after the fact.

“So when you, Ricky started talking about finding out about what was going on about the tattoo, I flashed back, I had been considering talking to my father about the people in the facility thinking the sensations were connected to my claimed delusions and for a moment, I thought I should tell you about talking to them. The moment I thought that I started spiralling, and after that, I just kept slipping further and further the more I tried to come back from the initial kick in the metaphorical gut.”

She took a deep breath now, not looking up from her hands as she talked about her episode that morning, still feeling so drained despite her nap during the afternoon.

“While that admittedly isn’t the start of my trauma, the nuke that dropped, as it were.”

Rick, all he wanted was to move around the table and wrap her up in his arms, but knowing that touching her was a dangerous game right now. Yes, the hugs on the couch had been fine, but that had been while she had been in tears, or near tears, and now she was neither. He did however reach across the table and rest his hand over hers that was clasped in front of her on the table.

When she looked up from her hands, he could almost feel the way her breath caught, and the shock of the sting of his tattoo was of little surprise this time when her wide eyes met his.

“It’s alright Talia, I promise, whether we’re together or not, I won’t let you have to go through any of this alone again.”

Chris looked between the pair,

“Would it help, if I could confirm, that you two are, without an absolute doubt, soulmates.. Because doctor's false diagnosing, parents' stupidity, and fake tattoos, it can all happen, but this effect from your tattoos can’t be faked right here, and you two are struggling with it something awful..”

Chris half cringed at the look Ricky gave him then,

“You knew?!”

“I suspected. I still can only suspect really, there is no proof for this kind of thing. It’s only theoretical, the theory, is that it's a trauma response for soulmates. Your soul bond has responded to both of your suffering, once you met, it must have triggered something, and now it's gone into massive overdrive.. Theoretically, it’ll calm down once the bond has formed naturally.”

And before Talia telling them what she’d gone through, he had no idea her side of it.

“Theoretically?”

He cringed again when Talia asked softly,

“I don’t know anything for certain, JellyBean.. I only know the theory, I have read everything I can get my hands on about the bond between soulmates, ever since.. Well..”

“Ever since when?”

He sighed as he looked at her, now it was his turn for a bit of a confession, wasn’t it? Glancing at Ricky, he knew the story, but Talia didn’t, and it wasn’t an easy one to tell. He supposed she might know of some of it as a fan, but a lot of it was missing, a lot of it never got out, thankfully.

“From my own time being committed.”

Dividers by @saradika-graphics (roses) & @cafekitsune (trigger)

[footballfanficwriter]

Calm down

Summary:where the reader is stressed out and  Kylian calms her down

I'm at my mother's house right now and we've just had an argument

My relationship with my mother is one I don't like discussing as it's on the rocks, heck on the rocks is an understatement

"We all know why you married Kylian" she says

"Just leave me alone" I say trying to walk away from her

"You're a gold digger, you had nothing, absolutely nothing and now you have everything, you didn't even need to work that hard to get where you are"

Now I'm pissed off, I tried walking away but keep getting provoked , I turn around and reply to her stupid comments

"You have no right, ABSOLUTELY NONE TO SAY THAT, I put myself through school, payed my own school fees, became a lawyer, graduated with honors all around and you didn't even have the decency to come and support me on the day of my graduation

"Hell you didn't even come to my own wedding, you are the only parent i have left, I had to walk down the aisle on my own, even though I don't have a father, I would have thought you would have been there to give me away, so don't  you EVER IN YOUR LIFE say that I never worked that hard to get to where I am in my life" I say feeling tears on my face

"This is what you always do, cry and paint yourself as the victim and manipulate people, that's probably how you got your so called husband"

"My husband has done nothing but stand by me and support me more than my own family, my own mother, when I felt like giving up he's the one that pushed me to keep going, where were you then, when I hit rock bottom, huh?

"I was living my life, what else"

"I can't be here anymore, you know I came here to try and make amends but it's pretty clear that's not happening, I wanted to give you one last chance to change you views and ways, and by the looks of it that's never going to happen,  ever, goodbye mother"

I walk out of the house and sit in the car and call Kylian

"Cheri  ça va ?"

"Kylian, I-I-I-I can't breathe I can't breathe"

"Honey, are you having a panic attack again?"

"Mhm I feel like I'm dying"

"Ok my love, I'm on my way, Just stay on the line with me alright?"

"Ok, I'll stay"

After 10 minutes kylian arrives

He gets into the passenger seat and

"Cheri, parles avec moi"

"I-I-I can't breathe"

"Shhhh, I'm right here"

He pulls me onto his lap and whispers that I must hold onto his hand and listen to his heartbeat

"You're ok, I'm here"

"Ok" I say still shaking

"What happened?"

"I tried like you said I should and she disregarded me, saying how I'm a gold digger, she says I married you for the money"

"She said that?" He asks looking angry , he gets out the car and starts making his way back into the house and walks into through the front door to find my mother in her kitchen

"What is your problem?, your daughter came her to try and make amends and you take a piss on her like she's some dog from the street, you are suppose to be her role model, her first best friend even, but here you are bringing her down, I can't believe you"

"Oh so you're the sugar daddy I see" my mother says

"Your daughter never married me for the money, she was there way before it, you need to get that through your head, she paid for own school fees with no one's help"

"Oh really, and where exactly did she get it from"

"She worked hard for it, taking on double shifts at a cafe that treated her like shit, yet she still continued"

"Whatever, anyone can work, she's not even that special"

"Listen you can insult me all you want but as soon as you get to my wife that's where I draw the line, if you can't see how amazing of a person your daughter is then you're fucking blind"

He says and grabs my hand and we walk to the car, where he opens the passenger door and he gets in the driver's seat and starts driving us home

"You're amazing babe, don't listen to her"

I just nod and stay silent

We eventually get home and Kylian helps me out the car bridal style and walks us into the house

"Let's get you to sleep, shall we"

I love this man so much, he knows how exhausted I get after my panic attacks, he always knows how to calm me down

He helps me undress and gives me one of his big shirts and I slip into them then slip into bed as well

He takes his shirt off and gets into bed then he makes my head lye on his chest

"Just listen to my heartbeat"

"Ok"

"Are you ok, Amour?"

"Yeah, I will be, thank you for standing up for me, I really appreciate it"

"I meant what I said, If anyone hurts you best believe I'm coming for them"

I slightly grin and whipe a tear that's fallen on his chest

"I love you" I say

" je t'aime aussi ma cherie"