#then i saw the clip and understood what they meant but he’s so different in foolishs pov it’s crazy

[kiwioala]

i think it’s so funny that agent 18 looks like the devil in everyone else’s povs but in foolishs he’s such a sweetheart like the whiplash going from seeing him hand foolish gifts and help him in his investigation to that one convo he had with phil was crazy

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Imagines: A Day In The Life

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Summary: You do a mini TikTok vlog of a day in the life with your boys while pregnant. (Pregnancy announcement to the public!)

Warnings: Fluff

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine Universe: Into The Mystic

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January 10, 2024

After posting some more pranks I've done on Joe, surprisingly, my following on TikTok has grown significantly.

Usually, posting Joe on my socials garnered negative attention, AKA hate. I did it because social media apps were meant to share your life, and Joe was a huge part of my life.

I never meant it in a braggadocios way, but that's what people seemed to take from my family photos and post-win pics with my husband.

That's why I was so surprised to see that everyone loved my Joe pranks.

The comments held a consensus that I’d never seen under a post of mine, they loved Joe and I’s dynamic.

I didn't need the public fan validation to make me feel secure in my relationship with Joe, but for once, they understood how special our relationship was, and some even apologized for past statements.

“They love us, Joe.” - you

“No, honey, they love you.” - Joe smiled

After those words were shared, Joe pointed out how all the comments were mostly praising me.

“take back everything I said abt her.”

“stop she matches joe’s energy so well…”

“the way he can’t stay mad at her, they’re so in love”

“actually such a cute couple”

“they compliment each other so well!”

“i see why joe married her! 🥹”

“i want y/n to be MY mom.”

“who gave y/n the right to be so adorable.”

“she’s so fun!”

“the way joe looks at her.. 😭”

“still jealous, but he loves her sm.”

“MY PARENTS.”

“i bet y/n’s the best mom and wife”

“Everyone’s switching sides now, but they never deserved hate. Joe wouldn't marry her if he didn't love her, and I'm glad that you guys can see that now. She makes him really happy!!”

“See? Some are even requesting more videos, baby. Do you see how many new followers you've gotten?” - Joe

“It's just because I posted content of you…” - you

“No, don't say that. It's because you showed your personality, and they love you. They see why I love you.” - Joe

“Do you really think so?” - you

“I know so. Everyone thinks your pranks are hilarious, you're funny, and you handle me super well.” - Joe

“I do handle you super well.” - you laughed

“The best.” - Joe winked

——

That was two days ago, right after we put the twins to sleep and right before we went to bed ourselves.

Currently being nine in the morning, I just woke up.

It was off-season now, but that still meant early mornings.

This morning was a little different, though, because I was making a ‘day in the life’ TikTok.

Since my pranks had become a hit, I've gotten quite a few video ideas from fans in the comments. Most wanted to see more of our everyday lives and wanted to know what it was like as an NFL wife and mother.

So, I decided to do a short video to show what our family day routine was like on an average off-season day.

The thing is… Joe didn't know it was happening.

Joe loved that I was finally being seen the way he saw me but was still weary of what I was posting.

He wasn't a huge fan of social media, and being super public with our relationship and kids, he detested it.

I respected it, but sometimes Joe would ask to participate in a video unprompted.

Lately, that has become a bigger case, so I was hoping he wouldn't mind taking part in the mini-vlog.

Joe was still asleep when I got out of bed, so I discreetly walked into the bathroom after grabbing my phone.

I wouldn't be talking in the video, just showcasing the sounds of the background and whatever I was doing, while the text that I would put over it later would describe what was going on.

After making little clips of me brushing my teeth, washing my face, and brushing my hair out, I walked back into the bedroom.

Next, I recorded a little snippet of me picking out my outfit - leggings and one of Joe’s hoodies - before turning my phone off to get changed.

Now that I was ready, I headed downstairs to start breakfast.

I pulled ingredients out of the fridge for Joe’s smoothie, omelets for me and me, and some of the ingredients for the boy's pancakes.

Just as I was starting the blender, a sleepy-looking Joe with raging bedhead shuffled into the kitchen.

“G’morning.” - you grinned

Thankfully, he put on sweatpants and a T-shirt, and I was glad of that because he'd complain about being shirtless on camera.

“Hi.” - Joe mumbled

“You good, buddy?” - you laughed

“Mhm. I just don't like waking up to see that you're not next to me.” - Joe

“Awe, I'm sorry. C’mere.” - you

I opened my arms to Joe, and he immediately was in my embrace. My arms were around his waist as I squeezed him, and his head lay on my shoulder.

When he pulled away from me, Joe’s eyes landed on the recording camera and immediately went wide-eyed.

“Why are you recording?” - Joe

“I'm making a ‘day in the life' video. I won't put anything in it that you aren't comfortable with, like what just happened.” - you

“Oh… ok. Yeah, don't put that in, though, because I sound like a baby.” - Joe

His grimace made me laugh because I thought our interaction was cute. Then again, I loved Joe’s needy, soft side. It was purely adorable.

“My baby.” - you grinned

“Stop…” - Joe

Joe was trying to hide his smile as his cheeks turned pink, and I couldn't help but giggle. I loved knowing I could make him blush, even after all the years we've been together.

“Do you need help recording anything?” - Joe

“Not at the moment, but if I do, I'll ask you.” - you

“Okay. Want me to make the pancakes?” - Joe

“Sure! Can I get a clip of you flipping them?” - you

“Of course.” - Joe smiled

Shortly after that, Joe got started on the pancakes, and I recorded a little video to get audio of the sizzling from the hot pan.

When I got a short clip of Joe flipping a mini pancake, I didn't put his face in it, but you could very clearly see it was him. His easily recognized bracelets and hands gave that away, along with the laugh the speaker picked up when he executed the flip perfectly.

“I should be a pro cook.” - Joe

“We both know that shouldn't happen.” - you

Joe busted out laughing and told me to put that in the mini-vlog.

“Will do.” - you giggled

——

Later in the day, I had gotten most of the wanted content filmed, including waking the boys up, breakfast, and playing/cleaning around the house.

Now, Joe, Me, and the boys were on our way to the reason for the entire video.

AKA the ultrasound that I'm having today.

It was a hard launch of my pregnancy, but Joe and I thought we'd include it in the video since my maternity photoshoot wasn't for a couple more weeks. The reason we were announcing it before the shoot was because it was getting hard to hide my growing bump. We’d much rather announce it ourselves than someone screenshot a picture of me in the background with a round belly.

When we got sent back to the ultrasound room, Joe sat in the chair next to where I was. Tyson was in Joe’s lap while Miles sat in the chair next to them.

“You ready to see sissy?” - Joe

Tyson and Miles both nodded, causing Joe and I to both smile.

Soon the ultrasound tech walked into the room and before I knew it, the familiar feeling of cold gel on my stomach made me hiss.

“Okay, Mama?” - Joe

“Gel’s just cold. I'm fine.” - you smiled

Joe made sure to get a good video of you watching the monitor, and he felt tears pricking in his eyes at the sight of his baby girl.

He would never get tired of being called, girl dad, Joe wore it like a proud Boy Scout who had just received a new badge.

“Baby Girl is doing great, measuring how she should be, and is very healthy.” - Tech

“Good.” - you and Joe in sync

After a few more minutes, she wiped off my bump, and I was set to go.

Joe helped me off of the chair and pulled the hoodie back over my stomach.

“I love you.” - Joe grinned

“I love you too.” - you

——

I spent the first thirty minutes back home editing together the clips I already had, getting approval from Joe for each one.

It surprised me how much feedback and “Oh, this would be cool!” Joe was giving me. He liked this more than I thought he would.

We ate dinner just shortly after that, and the rest of the afternoon was slow, as it usually was.

Tyson and Miles went to bed earlier than usual, so Joe and I spent the majority of the evening watching space documentaries that Joe had been wanting to watch.

The last video of the day routine vlog was of the TV in front of us, Joe’s hand on my bump in view, as well as our legs tangled together.

I never truly appreciated the little things in my everyday life till they were pointed out in a video, like how Tyson always looks at Joe for approval before doing something or how Miles's eyes crinkle up when he smiles, just like his daddy’s.

Watching back at the completed TikTok while tucked into my handsome husband’s side as he rubbed over my baby bump and drew little shapes on it with his thumb had me thinking something I seem to always find my mind drifting off to. Oh, boy, was I one lucky girl.

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Authors note: cutie family fluff for Sunday

Request for this fic; thank you anon! 🫶

Hope you enjoyed! 💕

[edapparently]

James Somerton Sucks For Many Reasons. But Also His Opinion On Heartstopper...

Ok so I was watching Todd in the Shadows' video on fact-checking James Somerton's vids (of course after having watched Hbomberguy's video). And a clip played of James lying (again) about straight white women complaining about a gay show. Except he mentions at the end of the sentence that these supposed people were "exposed to gay content for the first time in their lives via Heartstopper".

19:18 - https://youtu.be/A6_LW1PkmnY?t=1158

Now idk if that was supposed to be a joke or if that reflects any of his actual opinions on it (it's not like he's known for telling the truth anyway now tho)

But I'd just like to say anyway [this ties back into James I swear just bear with me]

I'm 18 years old now and I'm still dealing with issues cause by the homophobia I experienced in high school. And one of the few things that got me through it was when I got the first volume of Hearstopper when I was 16. And that actually was MY first real exposer to properly gay content. ME. Another gay boy. Not a straight woman.

And not only that, but it was the first time that I took in a piece of media and could honestly say "I see myself in this"

It was the first time I felt really seen and felt like I had my issues understood. And even as I've gotten slightly older through the two years, they've still been able to help me.

My friends will know that I've been struggling a lot with certain mental health issues that affect my physical health too. And I only realised how bad my problem really is and how much its been affecting me when I read volumes 3 and 4 and saw Charlie dealing with almost the exact same problem. I had been in such denial about it and worrying that it wasn't even real that I hadn't even considered it. But reading about him suffering from and eventually admitting to his problem and trying to get help made me think about what I had been experiencing. And gave me some perspective as to what exactly was happening in head and to my body.

The reason I'm saying all this is because I'm trying to show that these books about gay teenagers are REALLY good at portraying the experiences of gay teenagers. (At least based on my own personal life, Ik it could be very different for others and that's still valid) and they made me understand that what I had been through and am still dealing with because of that; are not isolated incidents and that I am not alone.

And James... someone who tried to give off the impression that he knows a lot about queer culture. Used it as an example of mindless romance fluff...

Which I think shows:

His lack of understanding of what it is actually like growing up as a gay boy in our current time. (Again, not trying to speak for everyone but it's very accurate to my own life)

And

2. His unwillingness/disinterest to look into what the books actually contain and how readers may respond to it.

[Also I just realised after typing all this that he could have meant the Netflix show, which imo wasn't as good but I think my point still stands?]

[mademoiselle-cookie]

On BBH calling people « uncultured »

(Here the link to the clip, it's the only one I found)

In summary, during a friendly gathering, BBH called other streamers, including 2 non-Americans whose native language is not English, "uncultured" for not knowing an American expression. And the last person he spoke to before saying that, is someone who rightfully said he didn't know bc it's not his culture.

I saw a lot of people getting angry about it on Twitter X while I usually miraculously escape this kind of drama, and I'm still lucky to have only seen people talking in their corner without (really) directly attacking BBH or worse, harassing him. So obviously, it's Twitter X so it blown out of proportion, but I still wanted to come back to it.

It is important to specify

IT’S A JOKE.

BBH didn't intend to hurt anyone and it's apparently a common joke in the US. Insulting and teasing each other is very common among friends, which is what QSMP streamers are. They were all roasting BBH just before that. The people targeted didn't seem upset (Étoiles loves to be dramatic) and they're adults wjho talk to each other outside of QSMP. If they have a problem with a joke, they discuss it.

And after that BBH tried to find the equivalent in different of the expression. I don't know about Portuguese, but it didn't really work in French. There is no equivalent to "jumping the shark", since it's a reference to a old american serie which then became a (apparently niche) expression. The frence equivalent BBH found was "passer du coq à l'âne" which means abruptly changing the subject, while "jumping the shark" refers to when a series becomes bad/absurd.

The intention is still cool tho.

All this to say that this is not an attack on non-Americans, BBH also "insulted" Tina and Foolish, not just Bagi and Etoiles.

BUT

I understand why people get worked up about it (doesn't mean I tolerate harrassment. BBH doesn't deserve any of that).

First, the lack of reaction from streamers is not necessarily indicative of what they think. When Cellbit joked that Etoiles' team didn't listen to him (suggesting he was a bad leader) in Purgatory, Etoiles just laughed the first time and didn't say anything when Cellbit doubled down. Except that the fact that no one listens to it on day 1 is one of the reasons why the stream was an absolute nightmare to watch, so I don't imagine for Étoiles himself. Even Fit seemed to be dying of frustration even though he wasn't the target of this disrespect. And that’s not to mention that Étoiles was being harassed on social media at the time, and one of those accusations was that he was a bad leader. The joke really made me so uncomfortable.

It's very likely that it was discussed with Cellbit later since no one ever brought it up afterward, but no one said anything about the joke itself on stream.

Also, one thing I thought was stupid about people being personally hurt by Aypierre and Antoine's joke about Mike looking like Hitler was that they were joking about Mike's Minecraft skin. The target was very specific and Antoine had already called Mike a dictator in his face earlier, and Mike didn't have any problem with that (he literally had the political program of a dictator).

Whereas here, BBH calls a group of people "uneducated" because they don't know an expression. Which concerns a lot of people in the chats. Personnally, I've already heard about it but bc my passions gave me the opportunity to know it. And even like that I only see it TWICE in my life, and only one of them explained what it meant.

Unlike Aypierre and Antoine, who spoke in French – which means that only people who know the kind of dark humor that we are so fond of should have understood – BBH said it in a language that everyone understood, since it wasn't an aside but something everyone needed to hear.

These people in the chat are not friends with BBH so being insulted by him is significantly less likely to be taken as a joke. They don't necessarily know that it's a type of American humor and that there is no attack in his words. Being insulted by a friend and a stranger is a completely different experience, especially if you don't know the context behind it.

Because it's also another problem

The context

We have an american telling 2 people who are not american and which native's language is not English that they're uncultured for not knowing an american expression. The US has a bit of history being condescent with other culture for not being the same as them. The cliché that Americans are arrogant, nationalistic and insensitive to other cultures is still present and persistent. And we can't say it's not true, we just have to see the QSMP fandom.

(I know it's not only americans but Baghera's harrassment because she dared to use the word "retard" once, which means late in french, is a good example of people who refuse to aknowledge that non English speakers have a life and culture outside of the English language)

It is therefore not really surprising that the viewers didn't take well the remark.

Especially since this isn't the first time BBH has pissed off someone over something like this. The time he was debating with Forever and he got fed up because he couldn't defend himself properly since it wasn't his language - which let BBH have the upper hand and let him wrongly think he was totally in the right – and decided to speak in Portuguese and let BBH deal with the translator. I remember seeing comments under the clip on Youtube expressing how happy they were that Forever was putting down BBH's cackle by fighting on his turf.

Even if he is very nice, BBH is a very stubborn person who does not give up and with whom arguing is quite difficult. Whether he likes it or not, want it or not, he takes advantage of the lack of vocabulary and fluency that non-English speakers have when they speak English.

This isn't helped by the fact that BBH seems to be one of the few on the server to put very little effort into learning/speaking other languages. Foolish practices Spanish with Leo, Philza asked Tallulah to speak to him in Spanish (I don't know if he continues), Tina learns French with Etoiles, etc... (ofc I'm not listing the Non English speakers, it's obvious)

BBH has a French child and was adopted by the French as a whole, but I don't remember seeing anything remotely close to him learning/speaking French (apart from the "t'as les cramptés?" but it's on the same level as Aypierre and his "caralho mano") I don't watch Foolish but I know he's progressed enough to be able to translate into Spanish for Leo something BBH said they didn't understand. And I don't forget the gathering of 3 french (Baghera, Aypierre, Étoiles) with Ironmouse and they decided to speak spanish for her.

Apparently, BBH is learning spanish but is too shy/insecure to speak it on stream

And honestly, I have no problem to believe that. But that's also mean that the vast majority of people didn't know that. We're not likely to guess it on our own, and we French know a streamer who had major insecurity problems in the past, and yet who is now trying to speak in public what is probably his fourth language* (meaning that he has not mastered it at all and is currently busy improving himself in another language). So there is very little chance that we will make the connection alone. QSMP is the perfect place to improve and learn another language, if someone want to lean, we'll assume they will do that here.

(*I have no confirmation that Étoiles speaks Arabic but it is extremely likely, hence the "probably")

Like, yes, Etoiles speaks several languages so it's easier to be confident and daring. But that's the thing, isn't it ?

We have a someone who knows one (1) language telling someone who speaks rather fluently at least 2, who has a daily general knowledge show, who often plays general knowledge games, who organizes visits to museums/castles/operas for his streams, that he's "uncultured".

The irony

[julie-su]

A Time Called The Great Peace - Chapter 1

Somewhere, a long time ago, in a zone far from our ‘prime’ zone, rests Moebius - the ‘anti-mobius’, if you will. The inhabitants of this zone are each much different from the Mobius we all know, a much more hostile and harsh land. If Mobius is full of brave-hearted, loving souls aching to lend a hand, then Moebius is its stark opposite. Cold, hateful nobodies, cowards looking out for Number One. And in the middle of this anti-Mobius, sits in his living room one Anti-Sonic, known just as ‘Sonic’ to his world, just seven tender years old. At this time, he is waiting for his father, Jules, to return home.

For a being of pure speed, minutes seem to stretch and pool into torturous lengths. If only he could stretch his legs, he thought… Unfortunately for the boy, his mother was at home today; Bernie, his strict, unfeeling, underbearing mother. He was strictly instructed to stay put. You see, with super speed, comes super messes - his mother very much liked her house to stay pristine. He was ne’er allowed to do so much as listen to the radio, for the sound might disturb her. He wondered what the point of even having a radio was, if nobody was allowed to touch it. He wondered for a while, probing the thought with everything in his brain, stretching it out for entertainment fodder, crucially aware of the slowing, maddening seconds. He wondered why he was cursed to be so fast, in a world that forced him to be so slow.

CLACK. K’CHINK. The door! The boy perked up on the sofa, attuned to the sounds of the door unlocking - his father was finally home! He watched as his pops proudly strode through the entrance hall, disrobing his coat and laying it on the coat stand. Jules wandered through the living room, marching on straight past his son. “Dad-” Sonic began, clambering off of the sofa, excited to see his father - it had been a whole month since he had seen him; he didn’t quite understand politics, but he knew that it was supposedly an important tour for his father, spreading peace and goodwill. ‘Beloved Jules, the kindest sweetheart of our time’, Sonic recalled reading on a newspaper clipping. He watched him walk on by, as if he hadn’t heard him. He wondered if his father had trouble hearing, sometimes - dad had never seemed to notice him, until the moment he was tugging on his arm practically begging for attention.

He followed after him, tilting his head. “Dad?” he walked next to him, peering up at him, trying to catch his attention - to no avail. This was swiftly getting old. Impatient, he sped up, running circles around his father, forcing him to pay attention to him. A good plan, really - until, of course, just at this moment, who else but his mother rounded the corner. Of course, of course! She wouldn’t come a minute later, nor a minute earlier - not even in the long time he had spent sitting still, would she walk in, and witness how restrained and patient he had been. She only ever saw him when she deemed he was misbehaving, even though he tried his hardest to be good. “SONIC T. HEDGEHOG. What do you think you are doing to my carpets?” Bernie didn’t quite yell, but to him, it felt like it filled the whole room- no, the whole WORLD.

His feet stopped. His heart stopped. He did not turn to face her. “But, mum…” He began, feeling thoroughly slighted by the world. Why was he always punished for everything? If being a ‘kind sweetheart’ meant so much in this family, how come he never witnessed anyone following suit?

Jules stretched his back, seeming tired. “Dear, can’t you just send him to his room? I’ve had a long day already…” Sonic looked up at him, in disbelief. Why would nobody ever talk to him like he was a person?! He understood that his father was busy, but couldn’t he at least acknowledge his presence? But, his astonishment only lasted for a second, as his mother approached him. Backing up a little, he covered his ears, so that they could not be tugged on. “I CAN TAKE MYSELF!” He hurriedly blurted out, still cupping his ears with his hands. At least, he reckoned, it hurt a lot less to be dragged by the arm, than the ear… Bernie stopped, folding her arms. “You’ll be taking yourself towards a smacked bottom, if you don’t hurry off to your room, young man.”

That was enough for him, walking slowly, as to not further incur her wrath - she hated him running, right? So, he reckoned that walking slowly would make her happy. Wouldn’t it? He stared at the ground, still holding onto his ears. “Boy…” Bernie began, sounding it out as a warning. “If you dare sass me like that,” ENOUGH! He gave up! Anything he could possibly do is the wrong answer! He sped off to his bedroom as fast as his legs could take him, slamming the door. 

Cowering under his bed frame, little Sonic waited in fear. His heart pounded in his throat, ears diligently perked in case he may hear the footsteps of his mother following him up the stairs. But, they didn't seem to come. He waited until his bones ached from crouching, until the wooden slats imprinted marks onto his skin, just in case even so much as a creaking floorboard might sound the change in her decision to leave it be. After what felt like an age, he finally, slowly crawled out, his heartbeat regulating out. He didn’t quite feel safe, no - but, he felt the closest thing to it.

He sat on the floor of his room, biting his lip and trying not to cry. ‘Boys don’t cry’, they’d tell him. So, he didn’t cry. No matter how much he wanted to cry, he wouldn’t. He looked out at his window, face red hot. Whatever ‘freedom’ his father was fighting so hard for, he wanted the opposite of it - if that meant that he would be out of this stupid bedroom, in this stupid house. He cracked the window open, slipping out onto the roof, climbing down onto their vacant doghouse, which acted as a step. He reckoned that they wouldn’t even notice his absence - they obviously didn't care for him!

He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, working it all off. He wished his head wasn’t so full of thoughts. He rubbed his eyes, his face full of — SMACK. Forget that… His face was now full of somebody else’s face! “OW!” A young girl’s voice sounded off, now tangled with him. “Watch it, dummy!” Sonic scowled, OF COURSE THE UNIVERSE WOULD THROW SOMEBODY IN FRONT OF HIS EYES WHEN HE TOOK A SECOND TO WIPE ‘EM! “You watch it! I’ve been watching where I was going this whole run, why shouldn’t you?!” He untangled himself, stomping his foot, standoffish.

“‘Cuz I don’t move like a gnat on caffeine!” She giggled a little, finding his insults funny, down to the mannerisms. “I’m Sally. Don’t cross me, my daddy can throw ya in the dungeons! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!” she grinned, mimicking a guillotine with her hands. Sonic pouted, not finding it so funny. “I’m Sonic, and I’m NOT a gnat.” He glowered, lowering his head. “I’ll throw YOUR dad in a dungeon! He’s a dumb, stupid king, and I hate him.” he stuck his tongue out, having NONE of this.

She tilted her head, prodding him inquisitively. “Wouldja? Couldja? Wanna do it with me?” she circled around him, skipping as she went.

“What, bump off your da?!” Sonic squinted, not quite following. He didn’t like her already, the poking and prodding was REALLY getting on his nerves. And now she was playing some weird game with him, that he had no interest in following along with. Sally nodded. “Yeah! Really! You’re that speedster kid, right? You have super powers! I hate my daddy.” She clasped her hands behind her back, suddenly pouting herself, drawing circles in the dirt with the toe of her boot solemnly. “I wanna be queen already. It’s not fair! Daddy says I’m too big for my boots, or whatever.” Sonic squinted. “And why should I care about that?!” he raised his head, trying to look down on her, though she was a touch taller than him. “Oh!” Sally looked up, with a sudden grin again. “Cuz you can be my king! C’mon, I can’t do it on my own!” she held onto his arm, pulling it a little. Sonic wrinkled his nose. “Eeeew. And what makes ya think I’d wanna do that?!” he pulled his arm back, in half a mind to run away as fast as he could. BUT, this was the first proper conversation he’d had since he’d lost a battle of wits to the boy down the road again last week, so he reckoned he’d stay a little while longer. “Welllll…” She grabbed his arm again, thinking about it as she leaned up against him. “Your dad is Mister Jules, right?” He squinted sceptically at her, wondering where she was going with THIS, now. “Yeah, why? What’s it to ya?” She looked around, then back at him. “Don’t ya get sick of him? Don’t ya wanna tell HIM what to do?” He half-shut his eyes, bored with this conversation. “No.” He thought a little more, thinking such a thought, that he was sure he would be punished when he got home. “... But I do wanna tell my ma what to do.”

Grinning with near malice, Sally tugged on his arm. “Kings can tell anyone what to do, right? Ya get what I’m sayin’?” Sonic’s eyes widened. “What?” he felt like he was being bestowed too much power, all at once. Could she even do that? The chipmunk girl in front of him CERTAINLY was the princess. Would the universe even allow this for him? “...Are you always this stupid, or did you just get brained knocking into me?” she looked sarcastically at him. He scowled. “No, not that! I get it! But-” he himself looked around, nervous. “Is that… Allowed?” the edge of his mouth was showing the start of a grin, but he wouldn’t allow it just yet.

“I mean-” she put a palm to her face, as she had seen her own father do when he was especially frustrated. “It’s treason, dude. That’s the point.” Sonic growled with frustration, getting very tired of this. “Why do you keep making me out to be dumb?!” he scuffed his shoe on the ground, kicking up dirt at nothing in particular. “I mean, like - I don’t know… It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t get ANYTHING I want, ever. Why should I get to be king?” his voice cracked a little. He also wasn’t entirely sure what a ‘treason’ was, but he felt he could infer. Sally shrugged, looking around. “Cuz we spent our whole lives listening to dumb adults, so we should get to make them listen to us!” She posed triumphantly, still just seven years old.

He thought about it, pondering what that’d mean. It felt TOO good, too much power … And he was ready for it. It was about time, he reckoned. “..Alright, I’ll join you.” he grinned, putting his hand out. She looked down at it, grabbing it with a grin, pulling him onto the ground and forcing him into a headlock. “Great! Meet me tomorrow night, same place?” she giggled, crushing him just a little. “GAH!!” He tried to throw her off, irate. “Fine! Sure! Whatever! Get OFF of me!” He finally succeeded, dusting himself off, grumpy. Sally stuck the landing, clasping her hands together as if nothing had happened, giggling sweetly. “Okay, cool! See you then! Also by the way, there’s already other guys in my group, so you’ll have to fight for the position of king. OKAY BYE!!” She skipped off into the woods, leaving him all on his own.

“Blech.” Sonic stuck his tongue out, sitting down by the tree. “That girl has issues.” he hugged his knees, not quite ready to go home yet, thinking on his lonesome about everything that had just transpired. His head spun a little, toying with the idea of becoming a king. It made him as nervous as it did excited - was he allowed to want such grandiose things? He couldn't quite see it working out just yet, it felt to him as if there was a missing key somewhere. But he did prefer the presence of someone else, even though she'd left him with a sore neck, and a wounded sense of pride.

He thought about it, the weight of it in his mind, and the bizarre sensation that just a while before this, he was sitting on the settee, squeezing the most mundane of thoughts for a droplet of entertainment. That sounds just about right - you wish for something to think about, and, well - the universe complies, doesn't it?!

He yawned, looking around at the falling twilight, deciding that it was time enough that he headed home, to his bed. He kicked off his run, making top speeds through the path, ready to have a lie-down. His mattress might be old and worn, and the springs dug into his back so that he had to lie on his duvet to get any solace at all - but, it was HIS bed. And right now, that was just what he needed.

Soon enough, he was outside of his house, scaling that same empty doghouse. He pulled himself up onto the window sill, surprised to be met with the glass pane that he was certain he had left open. Uh oh.. He felt hot and sweaty all of a sudden, his stomach swirling and brain flattening out. He tried to pull the window up, reasoning that perhaps the wind had closed it! Alas, the catch was drawn, and the window would not budge. Of course, the ONE night he chooses to head out, they’d come to check on him! He kept pulling it out of desperation, nervous to meet his mother right now - he would likely have to ring the doorbell, and, well - he’d rather postpone the inevitable. He could see his bed, it was right in front of him - but, through all of his fear and frustration, it was just tantalisingly out of reach, just like everything seemed to be.

With his heart in his throat, he slowly climbed back down, trying to will his way out of his situation as he sat on the empty doghouse. He looked down, musing to himself. They still had the old doggy door in the back of the house, perhaps he could sneak through…? He wandered around the side of the house, peering into their backdoor window, checking the coast. Scanning the kitchen, he could see the yellow light emanating from the living room… His parents were no doubt in there discussing what they’d do to him, which filled him with a newfound sense of dread. Oh well - if he played his cards right, that’d be tomorrow’s problem. He felt out the outskirts of the doggy door, relieved to feel it give. He slowly pushed his way in through the door, creating an opening just small enough to squeeze his way through. Now inside, he could hear his parents talking. They didn’s hardly on his way to attempting treason.”

Perching himself against the wall to the living room, Sonic could clearly hear his parents talking. “-That boy is fast headed to ending up just like your brother, dear.” “What, Charles? The boy may be misbehaving, but he’s hardly on his way to attempting treason.”

“Yes, well you had better see to it that he isn’t - both of our reputations are at stake already, keeping it hush-hush about ‘dear’ Charles.” Sonic thought about that, blinking. He’d heard hushed mentions of his uncle, but his parents refused to let him visit the man. Treason, huh… There was that word again, the one that chipmunk girl had used that word earlier. Was this his key? He gulped, putting that to the side as he tried to plan out the best path to his room. His ear swivelled atop his head, still listening, although he’d already heard more than enough.

“-He’s your son as much as he is mine, Bernie, what do you expect me to do about it?” “I don’t know, beat it into him! I can’t be parenting the boy the whole way, he needs to hear it from his father. He looks up to you, you know.” Pausing, Sonic stuck his tongue out in the direction of his mother - not that she could see it. He was now listening intently. Dad would defend him, surely. He’d put this whole stupid thing to bed. Maybe dad would even get him off the hook! He’d spent so long hearing about how great of a man he was in the media, after all - and he believed it all. Sure, he was always exhausted when he came home, but he was a courageous man. He had to be!

“I don’t know, Bern..” “Honestly, Jules. Don’t you care about how that boy turns out?” “I’ll be frank, at times I feel that I don’t care for him at all. He’s been nothing but trouble, and I don’t know what we did wrong as parents to be saddled with that nightmare of a boy.” “Come now, Jules! … Well, I can hardly say I don’t agree, now and then. But, you shouldn’t say it!” Sonic looked behind him at the silhouettes with horror. He looked up the stairs, his pulse starting to race. Did his father really just– and his mother- “...Dad?” Sonic peered around the corner. He didn’t care about blowing his cover - he needed the confirmation. Did they really think that about him…? Both of them turned around in surprise. Sonic was shocked to see the look of remorse in his mothers’ eyes. This only made his stomach turn as he looked into his fathers’ eyes, and saw nothing but apathy. Did he not regret it? “Son-” Bernie began, standing up with a gentler cadence than usual, which only riled Sonic up even more.

“I WANT DAD TO TELL ME.” He yelled, louder than he thought that he was ever capable of, directing all of it towards his father.

Jules met this with the same unmoving apathy. “Go to bed, son.” He sounded tired, and perhaps even.. Bored. He looked exhausted. Sonic’s ear twitched, looking back to his mother once again, horrified and full of rage. What was this…? He ran through his options rapidfire in his head, cold sweat pouring down his face. His uncle, his uncle.. Oh, bugger it all, he was going all-in with that confounded chipmunk girl! As far as he was concerned, hearing of his uncle here and now, was more than enough of a hint. This time, he had REALLY heard enough. There was nothing left for him here now, and he had no intention of sticking around to see this one through. His face darkened as he looked at his parents just once more, before speeding out back through the path he’d come in through, ignoring the surprised yell of his mother - he was too fast for them, nothing could make him turn back now. Damn them! Maybe he might just ‘disappear off into the night’. Out, out into the cold dusk, keeping on until he could no longer hear the shouting of his mother; not in his ears, nor in his mind. He felt as if he were in a dizzying trance, not allowing his mind to awaken enough to query that his father had not reached to stop him - just his mother, out of a sense of obligation rather than genuine affection. No, nothing. Not a thought should penetrate his quiet contemplation as he ran. Step, step, step; a rhythmic beat, his mind free from any other thought.

Sonic finally came to his senses in the centre of town, panting heavily, though he was more so mentally exhausted than he was physically. No force on earth could make him face his parents now. He looked around, starting to feel the loneliness sink in as he shivered. He realised now that he had little clue where his uncle lived. He was alone and small, in such a wide and hostile world - and nobody would care if he were to vanish.

[froggbones]

Bird in a Cage

A story I wrote about an old abusive relationship.

I’m not a professional. I just have a lot of feelings.

You told me to clip my wings, so I did.

I did everything you said.

You told me how wrong I was all the time,

And how right you were instead.

I saw that you were different.

If only that I knew,

That “different” was a raging tiger,

Set loose in the zoo.

I thought your claws were out with love,

Reaching for my heart.

I wish I’d known the truth before,

You tore my life apart.

For so long I did only,

What you wanted me to do,

I lost myself and understood,

All your lies to be true.

When you were gone I found myself needing your two cents,

I wish I’d realized sooner you were putting up a fence.

That fence was meant to keep me on the outside looking in,

I didn’t know that was when the real pain would begin.

When I stepped back and realized the walls that you had made,

I understood that you had made me a bird stuck in a cage.

Trapped with wings that would not work and nothing I could do,

I found myself alone and sad, submitting just to you.

So when you plucked and pulled my feathers, asking to do more,

I let you have your way with me, just like you did before.

I hid your marks when morning came, put on a little show.

I trusted that you loved me, so no one else would know.

As weeks went by I started to feel crazy in my cage.

The time you spent with other birds filled my heart with rage.

My anger boiled beyond what you felt was cool,

So you moved on to a new bird and left me like a fool.

For nights on end I weeped and felt as jealous as can be,

Until I came to realize you never deserved me!

Now what am I to do, with my clipped wings and broken heart?

I guess I can learn to love again.

I guess that that’s a start.

But who will love a bird without the means to fly?

Who will love a bird that a tiger left to die?

Left for scraps with broken wings, I’m not sure what to do.

I wish I’d never let that tiger get loose in the zoo.

The other birds who know me say that I’m not to blame.

They say it was the tiger’s fault for playing his mean game.

So “What now?” I ask, while I hop out of the zoo.

Now without the tiger’s love, what is there to do?

I know! I think, while I exit through the gates.

I really would love to learn how to skate!

So that is what I did when I was finished with the tiger, you see.

I left the pain behind and began to focus on me.

“So what of the tiger?” you ask with confusion.

He’s off with other birds and living in delusion.

But I don’t care to know what he does.

I have moved on, and there’s a new bird I love.

I hope that my tale can inspire you too.

No one should ever get to hurt you.

And if you wonder what became of my wings,

I travel the world on my feet,

Excited to see what the universe brings.

D.B.

[thechaoticfanartist]

still hope

Angstpril Day 13: Recovery

Fandom: Star Wars

Gen

Characters: Grim Kennet (OC), Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master Yoda

Relationships: Grim Kennet & Obi-Wan Kenobi & Master Yoda

Additional tags: Post Order 66, Post Mustafar

Summary: The Jedi have lost everything. Yet hope remains. The newly knighted Jedi reminds the Masters of this.

They were staying longer than Grim had assumed they stayed in canon. She had a feeling it was because of her. They were allowing her time to recover from the loss of her limb, and get a feel for her new metal replacement. Something she was thankful for.

Yet she still felt she did not deserve this. Or the new rank she now held, which meant nothing in this new galaxy but everything to her. Master Kenobi and Master Yoda had made her a Jedi Knight. Despite her failure to change the ending. Despite that she never stopped the Sith. She felt undeserving of it, but she also welcomed it. She knew the significance of it.

Grim also knew she would not be allowed to be a Jedi Knight. The Empire, the SIth, had taken away any chances of her to be so. Soon, Grim would not even have the right to her name. Because to survive she would have to change that too.

But for just a moment, before even more could be stolen from her, she would be Grim Kennet, Jedi Knight.

Obi-Wan and Yoda watched from afar as the newly knighted Jedi practiced with her lightsaber. Going over all the simple movements she had been taught during The Clone Wars. “She knows we can’t use our lightsabers anymore. Why is she practicing?” Obi-Wan asked Yoda.

“A Jedi Knight she is now, Master Kenobi. A Jedi Knight, she can not be,” Yoda replied. “Allow her this, we should. Soon, no longer will she be able to.”

Obi-Wan knew he was right. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like for her. To be knighted only to never be a Jedi Knight.

As Grim fell into the simple dance she always loved, she could forget about the darkness that had overtaken the galaxy. She could let herself be free of her grief. The Force was her guide, as it always was. Although now it was dark, Grim found the light deep within and connected to it. A small peaceful smile found its way onto her lips.

Obi-Wan smiled too. She was much different now from when he started training her. She had grown and become such a wonderful Jedi. Even now despite the dark, Grim shone with light.

Only hours ago the dark had threatened to kill that light. He remembered what she had said at the Jedi Temple, before leaving to kill Anakin in a pursuit of revenge. He remembered how hopeless she had been in the hours before they had lost everything.

He now understood why she had felt that way, she had known this would happen. Of every life they would lose. It would be hard for anyone to remain hopeful in the face of that.

Yet, despite the hope she had lost in the hours before they had, Grim had seemed to recover it.

Her hope seemed to spread to the Jedi Master, who had felt his own begin to fade. So much had changed in only one day.

“A great Jedi she has become,” said Yoda.

Obi-Wan smiled softly, “yes, she has.”

Grim deactivated her lightsaber, the last time she would do so for many years. She saw the two Jedi Masters watching her. She gave them a sad smile as she clipped her lightsaber to her belt and walked over to the two of them. “Masters,” she greeted, with a bow.

“Grim,” Obi-Wan replied. “I am so very proud of you. You have become a greater Jedi than I, and I am sorry this is how things ended.”

Grim smiled sadly at the man who up until an hour ago had been her Master. She embraced him in a hug. “Don’t be sorry, it wasn’t your fault, and you didn’t know.”

“You fault it also is not,” Yoda reminded her.

“I know, but it’s hard to not feel like it is,” Grim replied, letting go of Obi-Wan and looking at Yoda. She touched her metal arm, it was cold and she was unused to it still. “I knew it would end like this.”

Yoda shook his head and gave the young Jedi a gentle smile, mixed with sorrow. “An ending this is, young Kennet, but over our story is not.”

“Yes. Our story is far from over,” she agreed. She understood exactly what he had meant, perhaps she understood more than the Jedi Master himself.

Hope still lived on.

Tag List (let me know if you want to be added or removed) : @padme--amygdala @soclonely @mrfandomwars @jgvfhl @starlonkedd @milfspectre1 @togrutanduin @jedi-valjean @one-real-imonkey @traygaming @roseofalderaan @keoxus  @tranakin-thighhighwalker @veiled-in-stars @sentineljedi @spicysucculentz @amelia-song-pond @kohtoyah @saturnsokas @thejediprincessqueenofnaboo @veradragonjedi

[unreadablehandle]

Ok! So I saw the FIRST LINE CHALLENGE running around there probably like more than a week ago (I always am late :D) and I just though I'll try and see what my first lines are - just for me. Started a draft I never even meant to post, because I genuinely just wanted to see for my personal research for patterns.

But then Imogen and Josie tagged me. (ty, @imogenleefic and @thinlinez! :))

It took some time but I clipped the original list down to 10 and even added some links so you can just click and read if you feel like it. :)

PS: I chose the works I wanted. And in some cases, I'm not sure if it can be took as only one line... but I do perceive it like that. Also, there are only the finished works on the list, you don't have to worry. ;)

Here it goes:

... Breathe: “I’m sorry,” Harry squinted his eyes suspiciously, when the automatic door locked behind him and as he looked around, he understood that there was only one other person in this room with him (who, by the way, was definitely not a doctor, because he had a hand band, just as Harry, only it was one of a different colour, which was also weird, because usually, every participant of the experiment had the same colour on – and only the numbers differed), “…what is this?”

Beats per minute: It's been a year since Harry has arrived to the city. 

Meringues: “But... are you sure - sure?“ Harry asked the receptionist and leaned closer, so close that he could see what was on the screen of the computer behind the counter.

Breaking: Harry was laying in the bathtub, feeling sleepy, eyes closed, the skin on his sinewy body gradually losing colour and turning pale.

Ashore: All it took was a phone call.

Under surface: The whole thing about soulmates? It was shit.

Rearview: In the afternoons, the store wasn’t usually this crowded.

On Bathroom Walls: Liam was quiet for a second. 

When pigs can fly: Once upon a time, somewhere behind the high mountains and the deep woods, there was a cute little kingdom of colours.

Love is the thing with feathers: “Oh. Sorry,“ someone said as he slipped through the door and closed it.

...

I am convinced there is literally no-one else around here who has not already participated in this if they wanted. But if I'm mistaken and you do belong to that cathegory, take this as if it was your handle tagged here! ;) xxx

[freckledhylian]

Why I think Riku’s heart is Sora’s light and called Sora, twice even;

So, I was writing a rant about something else and by doing so, I needed some clip from KH. I then saw this.

This is what Sora see when he reach out for Riku’s hand, when the island is falling, before getting the keyblade.

Feels familiar enough? This is what Sora saw in KH3, after seeing Riku’s death for the second time and calling his name, begging for him to answer;

Now, let’s put them side to side because it’s even better, especially for people who love denying anything that relate Sora and Riku.

Yup, literally almost the same, only difference is how bright the light is. Isn’t that odd that the only difference is the light being brighter and somewhat warmer? After all it’s not as if Riku got a character development, and in KH his heart was swallowed by darkness, right??

You got it; Riku’s not manipulated by darkness anymore and thus, his heart, light, is way brighter and warmer.Even more interesting in this point of view, and what I mean when Riku’s heart called Sora;

In KH, the light only appears in a flash. As if it was one last effort, a call made out of desperation. And what was passed to Sora during that desperate call?

Something that should’ve been Riku’s, but his heart knew he wouldn’t be able to have it in the state he was in. Something that Riku kept close to his heart ever since he met Terra, since he understood that it would help him become stronger to protect what matters.

And to who did that precious thing of his got passed in that desperate call? The person who matter the most.

In KH3 the light is already there when Sora still has his eyes closed, as if it was keeping an eye on him. And when Sora wakes up, the first thing he does when seeing the light, is calling for Riku. And not with question in his voice, as if he was unsure; he knows and is calling for Riku. Nomura literally gave us a parallel in addition of showing Riku’s sacrifice a second time, literally just before this scene.

The light seemed faint at first, as if it was somewhat unconscious or asleep.

And I’d like to insist on those terms because it’s only when Sora talked to it more than once, as if the person he was talking to wasn’t in a state to understand it well the first time, that the light became brighter; as if recognizing who was talking to him.

And by becoming brighter and showing him the way, is what I meant by Riku’s heart calling Sora. And where did Sora arrive? Where Riku’s heart was.

And the second time Sora is seen in that tunnel of light, Kairi is there, waiting for him. They both continue to follow the light who is now fully bright, as if now fully conscious. That’s where a lot of people get confused but in my opinion, Kairi wouldn’t be able to be there to guide Sora, and at the same time doing it as a light like she did in KH, that wouldn’t make sense.

And when they finally arrive, everyone is here meeting them, but, the only person fully opposing them, like the light they were following, is Riku.

I’ll end this rant by saying that ever since KH, Riku has been through a lot, learned a lot, and changed a lot. He now listen and follow his heart, something he wasn’t able to before.

His heart (and literally him) is the light we see in all this. Sora’s light. He went from unconsciously giving a desperate call to Sora, to being the light that would guide him. That’s how much Riku has evolved, he became what he promised to be; strong enough to protect his precious person.

Edit: spelling mistake and better wording

[when-worlds-end-archive]

I Almost Lost You

A/N : The first thing I saw when I opened Tumblr was a Star Trek meme sooooo... Star Trek story! It’s been a really long time since I’ve watched it so this is based of the script of Stark Trek 2009 and movie clips. Might do a Sulu one later, same part of the movie but slightly different plot, we’ll see.

Day 2 of Writer’s Block Challenge

Pairing(s) : Leonard McCoy (Bones) 2009 x Reader

Summary : You, Bones’s girlfriend and James’s best friend, sustain a near-fatal injury during the rescue mission to Vulcan resulting in a lecture from him about how he almost lost you.

Warning(s) : Injury(not graphic), says “thank fucking god” once, swearing (it’s Bones and Kirk).

Word Count : 2,897

“I need officers who have been trained in advanced hand-to-hand combat.” Captain Pike states, two hands going up, yours and Sulu’s. Sulu was the pilot and you were another ensign working with Chekov, you were an unlikely pair. While you hadn’t fought in a few weeks, your training was muscle memory, you could repeat the movements in your sleep if asked to.

“I have training, Sir.” You both state in unison.

“Then come with me. Kirk, you too, you’re not supposed to be here anyway.” He then turned to Chekov.

“Radio the engine room, have Chief Engineer Olsen meet us at Shuttle Bay Five.” He directs.

“Aye, Captain.” Chekov responds back, turning to his computer after received a peace sign from you.

“Let’s go.” With the orders given, you four, plus Officer Spock, hurry through the Enterprise to the shuttle bay. It’s chaos all around you, officers running back and forth along the corridors trying to get to where they needed to be, trying to transport what they needed to transport, and the likes.

“Without transporters, we can’t beam off the ship, can’t assist Vulcan, can’t do our job. I’m creating an opportunity. Mr. Kirk, Mr. Sulu, Mx. L/N, and Mr. Olson will space-jump from the shuttle. You’ll have chutes, you’ll land on that machine they’ve lowered into the atmosphere that’s scrambling our gear, you’ll get inside, disable that thing, then beam back to the ship.” As he says that, you, Kirk, and Sulu share a look, one saying “oh shit.”

Neither of you three had expected what you were about to do when you stepped onto the ship, not even under the circumstances that it was in response to a distress signal. But you hardened your resolve and nodded, accepting your given orders.

“Mr. Spock, I’m leaving you in command of the ship. Once we have transport capability and communications back up, you’ll contact Starfleet and report what the hell’s happened here. Something you’ve got only precious few minutes to figure out. If all else fails, fall back and rendezvous with the fleet in the Laurentian System.” He commands, Officer Spock for once not looking so compiled together for a split second before it’s once again masked by the emotionless Vulcan exterior.

“Kirk, I’m promoting you to First Officer.” You quickly grab his hand, giving it a squeeze when he reacts with shock. This was what he’d been waiting for, longing for since he stepped onto that shuttle those years ago where you’d both first met bones. He’d strutted past Commander Pike telling him that the four year plan he’d put forth, he’d do in three.

Spock tries to argue with the Captain but he puts it to a stop with a quick rebuttal.

“While I’m gone, we need to keep the chain of command. And you two make a swell team.” You couldn’t tell if he was joking, but you really didn’t think he was. Maybe a part of you even understood what he meant. The two men were polar opposites but everyone always said “opposites attract” and how they “cover each other’s weaknesses” for a reason.

You’re interrupted from your train of thought by a shoulder nudge from James, helping you tune back in to what people were saying.

“Once we knock out that machine, Sir, what happens to you?” James asked, the billion dollar question everyone was dying to ask.

“I guess you’ll have to come get me,” he responded, then to Spock, “Careful with the ship. She’s brand new.”

With the plan formulated, you have nothing else to do but what Captain Pike said, “Suit up.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You stand on the loading dock, zipping up your suit when James speaks up.

“Have you told Bones you’re dropping with us?” To which you shake your head, gaining a dirty look from him that’s cut off as you put on your com set, followed by your helmet.

“No,” you responded, “I didn’t. I don’t need him worrying about me right now, he’ll be busy enough with everything else going on.”

“He’s your boyfriend,” James fired back, “he deserves to know.” “And I deserve to not have my love life discussed over comms where other people can listen in. No offense, Mr. Sulu, Mr. Olson.” You finalizes, pulling the parachute pack over your shoulders, tightening the straps, and focusing on the thin lines along the wall between you and the shuttle you’d would be taking.

When the doors finally open, you step inside, Mr. Olson grinning like he’s about to go on a rollercoaster. You however, don’t share his enthusiasm. Actually, you were dreading it. When Pike asked who had hand-to-hand combat training, you assumed you’d be stepping onto the Romulans ship with him, not free falling onto their drill. You were dreading it because you have a fear of falling.

You knew James wanted to comfort you, knowing your fear of falling quite well due to some childhood accidents, but he was still too disappointed in you for not telling bones to actually do anything comforting.

“I am pumped to kick some Romulan ass. No joke. Bring it on.” Olson exclaimed, Kirk, Sulu, and you once again sharing a look, one that said “this guy’s a fucking idiot.”

“So, what kind of combat training do you have?” James asked, turning to Sulu, choosing to ignore the Engineer who obviously had an incorrect impression of what this mission required you to do.

“Fencing.” Sulu stated proudly.

“You do remember that he said ‘hand-to-hand’ combat, right?” You chimed in, giving Sulu a grin to say that you fully supported his complete disregard for that part of Pike’s statement.

“Didn’t pay much attention,” Sulu grinned back.

With that, the shuttle shoots out of the ship with a lurch, sending you towards the drill’s cord. Despite your disagreement, you and Kirk do the handshake you’d started when you were seven, neither of you being petty enough to not do it considering the circumstances.

“You ready?” He asks you as you take a deep breath in, the point of no return long since over if you had wanted to chicken out.

“No,” you respond softly, quietly, “but it’s now or never.”

Pike’s voice pipes up over your headset, cutting off your conversation, “You have one shot to land on that platform.”

“They have defenses so pull your chute as late as possible.” He tells you, furthering your terror as it means you’ll be breaking your fall much later than you would like.

“Pre-jump on one : Three, two, one.” The second he said one, the four of you slammed into the ceiling of the shuttle, the gravity in the shuttle dying instantly.

“Remember, the Enterprise won’t be able to beam you back up until you disable that drill,” he states.

“Good luck.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few seconds later, the bay doors open and the free fall begins. You feel panic rising in your chest but you shove it down deer, choosing to instead position your body so that you have the least amount of drag.

You spend a few seconds, the only seconds you have to spare, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath to pull yourself together. You’re okay, you’re going to be okay, Len is okay, James’s going to be okay. Pull it together. Your team needs you.

“Away team’s entering the atmosphere.” You hear Chekov’s voice as you reopen your eyes, staring at the drill hurtling towards you at a velocity you never wanted to experience again. You could make out the general shape of the drill, from this distance, a circle with lots of cutouts and outcroppings. As you were coming in from one side, you could see the blinding plasma beam peeking over the other edge.

You angle your hands and feet for control, guiding yourself towards the drill, following the cord connecting it to the Romulan’s ship. You were waiting for the moment to pull your chute. In the background you can hear Kirk and Sulu telling the Enterprise the distance between you and the platform. At 3000 meters, Sulu pulls his parachute first, followed by you and then Kirk. You jerked upwards hard, something that would definitely leave bruising under your arms.

You shake off the thought as Mr. Olson shoots past you, still not deploying his parachute. You wondered if it was a malfunction but you knew it wasn’t when you heard the sound of his excitement through the coms.

“Pull your shoot Olson.” You yell into the headset, hoping, praying that he does what you say. Something in you however knew that he wouldn’t, he was enjoying himself too much.

 50 feet, 40 feet, 30 feet, finally his chute billows out behind him but even you, someone who’s never used a parachute before, knew it was too late. The result was you watching in horror as he slammed harshly into the drill, his body being dragged by his parachute over the edge and into the plasma beam, his scream ending suddenly as he was instantly incinerated.

“Olson is gone sir.” You hear Chekov say over the intercom, panic once again rising in your chest as you continue falling towards the platform, your fear of falling worsening as you neared impact.

Kirk makes contact first, slamming into the platform before being pulled out of view by his parachute. In your panic, worried for your best friend, you turn your head to try and find him, ignoring the obstacles hurtling towards you. A bad choice. A very bad choice.

You slam into one of the many outcroppings, a sharp piece of metal piercing your side and keeping you connected to the drill. You gasp out in pain, vision going black as you hit the button on your chest that slits your parachute and pulls it back into your suit. You don’t waste a second more as you notice Kirk fighting with three Romulans.

Pulling yourself off the piece of metal that impaled you and yanking off your helmet, you lunged for the closest Romulan, wrapping your arms around their neck and dragging them backwards, away from Kirk.

Your adrenaline kicked in as they unsheathed a knife, widely stabbing around them, trying to hit you. You twist their other arm behind their back with one hand while blocking the swiping arm with the other. You twist their arm painfully before using one of your legs to kick the back of their legs, making them buckle at the knee. They fall to the ground and you manage to pry the knife from their hands, stabbing it into their neck and letting them fall to the ground.

You turn around to see James dangling over the edge of the drill with a Romulan overlooking him, the strong feeling of fear causing you to falter as you run towards him. Luckily for you, and James, Sulu makes it in time, running his sword clean through the Romulan, killing him before he can kill James.

As the Romulan tumbles over the side, you and Sulu reach down, pulling James back up onto the drill. You’re all gasping for breath when Sulu manages to point out that Olson had the charger.

“What do we do?” You yell over the wind, watching as James dives for one of the 3 blasters still on the drill. Catching on to his plan, you and Sulu follow suit, the three of you shooting at the drill, destroying it enough to disable it.

A few seconds later, as your still catching your breath, a device hurtles past you. It’s heading straight for the hole the beam had drilled.

“Kirk to Enterprise. They just launched something toward the planet.” James spoke into his communicator, alerting the crew on the Enterprise about what had just happened as you all look over the edge, waiting to be beamed up.

Right as they’re beginning the process, the drill lurches sending James to the ground and you and Sulu tipping over the edge. You let out a scream as James yells your name and then nothing.

You can see Sulu falling just below you as you begin to get an idea, the adrenaline from before paying off. You bring in your arms to reduce drag as you maneuver your body towards him, slamming into him in mid-air.

“I’ve got you, Sulu. Pull my chute.” You yell, to which Sulu does. You feel it open behind you but before the feeling of relief can sink in for either of you, the chord snaps due to the velocity at which you’re falling.

“Enterprise, we’re without a chute. Beam us up. Beam us up now.” You yell into your communicator, closing your eyes as you hurtle towards the surface of the planet, doing your best to come to terms if this is where you die.

“You’re moving to fast-,” the Transporter Chief starts before she’s cut off by the most beautiful voice you’d ever heard, besides Len’s of course.

“No, I can do that. I can do that.” He shouts before you begin to hear movement.

“I can lock on. Give me manual control. Quick.” Chekov commands, and if you made it out of this alive, you’d hug the boy the second you saw him regardless of the time and consequences.

“Enterprise, where are you?” You ask into you comm, your franticness building inside you as you continue to fall towards the planet, getting closer and closer. To the side of you, a large wall of lava shoots up from the planet’s core, so close you can feel the heart.

“If you’re going to do it, do it now.” You scream.

“Compensating gravitational pull and, gotcha,” Chekov stated, and right before you slam into the ground, you slam onto the transported pads with a laughing Chekov in front of you and a worried Jim standing beside him.

“Chekov,” you breathe out, “thank fucking god for you.” Without a second thought, you drag him, James, and Sulu in a bone-crushing hug, happy to be alive. As you hug them, you begin to feel your side aching, giving way to the most agonizing feeling you’ve ever felt.

“I’ve got to find Len,” you mutter, weaker than you thought as you begin to collapse.

“Y/N,” is the last thing you hear out of their mouths before your vision goes black.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You finally regain consciousness with the fluorescent lights of the Enterprise’s Med Bay glowing above you, a blanket pulled over you, and a pillow underneath your head. To your left was your boyfriend sitting hunched over in a chair, his hand gripping yours, to your right was your best friend.

“What happened?” You ask the two men, watching them frantically stand up when they realize you’re awake.

“Easy now,” Kirk told you, Len and him both helping you to sit up, passing you a glass of water to sooth your parched throat.

“You, missy, passed out from the wounds you received during the rescue mission,” Len told you, his voice turning harsh, “a rescue missing you didn’t tell me about.”

“Len, you were busy,” you begin to explain yourself.

“Fuck being busy.” He cut you off.

“I’m your boyfriend. You’re my girlfriend. We’re partners. It’s not a thing where one person rushes off to do something dangerous while the other person stays in the dark. We do things together.” He continued, emphasizing the word “together.”

“I told you,” James said smugly. But you knew that underneath his smug exterior, he was hiding the fact that he was extremely worried about you.

“James, shut the fuck up.” Len states, not playing any games.

“Next time, tell me. I don’t care if I’m busy, I don’t care if you’re busy. You fucking tell me.” He states.

“But,” you tried to argue.

“But nothing. You almost died, Y/N, you almost fucking died.” He exclaimed.

“We all did.” You fired back, defending yourself, your confrontational side showing.

“I’m not talking about fighting Romulans, I’m not talking about the freefall, I’m not talking about any of the shit I can’t control. I’m talking about the fact that you got impaled and could have fucking died on this table.” He yells and you finally realize what this is all about. It wasn't about risking your life for the team, he knew you’d do it again without hesitation, this was about what happened when you slammed into the drill.

“I almost couldn’t save you,” he whispered, so lowly that only you and James would ever hear him.

“Your wound was infected and you didn't even realize it, James and Sulu didn’t even know you were injured,” he continued, his anger fizzling out.

“I almost lost you.” With those last words, you moved forward, getting up off the table and wrapping your arms around him.

“I’m sorry, Len,” you mumble into his chest as his arms wrap around you, letting him hold you for a few minutes, just so he could feel you breathing, to solidify that you were there, alive and well.

“Really, I am,” you say as you pull away just barely, giving him a loving smile.

“You know who else you should say sorry too?” James said, finally speaking up when he knew it was acceptable to crack jokes. He may be terrible with reading the room most of the time, but with his two best friends, he always knew.

“James,” you start.

“Yes?” He responded.

“Fuck off.”

[violetrainbow412-blog]

I was meant to be yours [A. C]

Adrian Chase x reader

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: this is literally something I wrote because I'm obsessed with that song and wanted to indulge myself. I'll leave you the clip below (I think she had a good time on tiktok, maybe you know it) it's very good and I can imagine Adrian singing it. I hope you like it!

Meant to be yours

"I'm home, my love!" you said to nothing. It was late and surely he would already be home, since he had promised you not to do patrols that night and instead spend time with you "Adrian?" you insisted, without hearing any answer. You had begun to resign yourself to the idea that surely one of his friends had an emergency and had asked for his help, as usual, when suddenly you heard music coming from your shared room. You knew what song it was, the same one he had been listening to for almost the past week.

You chucked me out like I was trash,

For that you should be dead—

You could hear in the distance. They were the opening lines of the Heathers musical song 'Meant to be yours'. Adrian and you had gone to the theater to see him a few days ago and he seemed to have become obsessed with the songs, something you didn't imagine could interest him. He regularly put them in the background when he was busy doing other things, but this time it was different. You sneaked up the hall and saw the door to your room ajar, so you peeked inside a bit and you could see the boy in a long trench coat that surely belonged to you. You smiled slightly as you understood what was happening.

But! But! But!

Then it hit me like a flash, the boy moved with both hands, deftly opening them to resemble the flash of a camera and you tried to contain your laughter.

What if high school went away instead' he continued, taking a dramatic turn and facing you. He wasn't wearing his glasses, looking younger.

You suddenly froze, afraid that he would be upset that you were spying on him, but instead he grinned and pointed one of his fingers at you as if he had just had a revelation.

Those assholes are the key!

They're keeping you away from me! carefully he walked up to you and pulled you by the hand, to take you into the room, without ever leaving his role.

They made you blind, messed up your mind

But I can set you free! he promised you. You had begun to understand where things were going and had already smiled in anticipation. You had only seen the musical once, but you remembered very well the development of the scene.

You left me and I fell apart,

I punched the wall and cried—

Bam! Bam! Bam! the volume of his yelling made you jump in place a bit and you didn't notice how steady his voice was until this moment.

You liked that side of him, he was a little... unhinged. More than normal.

Then I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside!

And so I built a bomb

Tonight our school is Vietnam!

Let's guarantee they'll never see their senior prom!

The chorus was coming, you knew, and when he started to sing, he took you by the hand again and looked at you with his eyes shining, completely in love.

I was meant to be yours!

We were meant to be one!

Don't give up on me now!

Finish what we've begun!

I was mean to be yours!

So when the high school gym goes boom with everyone inside—

Pchw! Pchw! Pchw! he had already released you and did a little dance accompanying this that made you laugh.

In the rubble of their tomb

We'll plant this note explaining why they died!

Adrian gave the speech of what those students were supposed to have written in the petition they had signed, perfectly remembering the words and with a lost look. You started to get a little scared because he really sounded like a murderer, although you knew perfectly well that it was your boyfriend. I mean, he was a killer, but he seemed a little more psychotic.

We'll watch the poor smoke out the doors.

bring marshmallows,

We'll make s'mores!

We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!

Again he sang the chorus, with the same passion and love as before, but this time when he took your hand you felt how he pressed it harder than it should, almost hurting you. Then he pulled you roughly towards his chest and this scared you away because his breathing was heavy and his eyes were a darker green.

You were meant to be mine!

I am all that you need! in this second verse you tried to let go, but he didn't let you.

You open my heart!

Can't just leave me to bleed!

After this, you finally broke free and ran to the bathroom to lock yourself in there. You still didn't know if it was to keep letting him do his little act or because you were seriously scared.

You felt how he hit the door, hard, and again you jumped in fright.

Y/N, open the—open the door, please' he began, voice strong and demanding. But soon it faded to a gentle voice.

Y/N, open the door.

Y/N, can we not fight anymore, please he sang, almost in a groan. When you had seen the musical, you had sworn that you would never have let JD in, but now that it was Adrian who was begging behind that door the situation was completely different.

Can we not fight anymore'

Y/N, sure, you're scared,

I've been there. I can set you free!

Y/N, don't make me come in there!

I'm gonna count to three! he had gone back to that serious and angry voice as if you really refused to let him in.

One! Two! Fuck it!

You thought maybe he would be more dramatic, but it was enough for him to slide the goatee in his hand and he could meet you. You were there, standing in front of him, but when he saw you, he put his hands over his lips as if he were looking at a corpse. Though of course it was supposed to be.

Oh my God! Do not! Y/N!

Please don’t leave me alone’ he sobbed, while he came closer and tenderly held your face with his hands. It looked like he was about to cry.

You were all I could trust

I can't do this alone… he whispered, his voice broken and pleading. You had really forgotten that it was all about one of Adrian's antics, you were feeling like Veronica herself under his desperate touch.

Probably if Adrian had asked you to go with him to bomb a school, you would have thought twice before saying no.

Still I will if I must! he broke away again and sang the last line, barely missing the notes. Then you heard him sharpen his voice considerably.

Y/N! he said, making you smile at his imitation of the female voice 

I brought you a snack… Y/N? he asked. He then pretended to scream while the soundtrack did and finally it all ended, leading to another song that he had put on Youtube autoplay.

You didn't want to say anything, because you were stunned. You never thought you would see such a show.

“You know, I expected to see a lot of things when I got home, but this definitely wasn't on the list” you managed to say, while he laughed and picked up his glasses from the table where he had left them “I didn't know you could sing so well"

"I have many talents that you don't know about yet," he said coquettishly, as he approached you and took your waist with both hands. Now he wasn't rough anymore, he was just tender like always.

“Have you ever thought about being an actor? Trust me you're convincing” you complimented him, making him blush “For a moment I freaked out. You looked really… crazy”

"I am. I'm crazy about you” he smiled at you, leaning closer to steal a kiss from you. It was different from his normal kisses, this one was a bit more mischievous and deeper. You felt him bite your lip, hard, and you bit back a groan. A little pleasure, a little pain “You're so pretty when you humor me,” he said, affectionately.

"You almost always look cute when you do stupid things, so I can't help it" you replied, in the same way "By the way, is that coat mine?"

“Maybe,” he murmured, innocently, “But that doesn't matter now. Let's go outside, you must be tired from your day. I will cook you dinner and in the meantime you can tell me how it went”

“By ‘cook’ do you mean heating something from the refrigerator in the microwave?”

"Yes, but it sounds more romantic when I say I'll cook you dinner, don't ruin the moment" he snorted, as he took your hand and brought it to his lips to kiss it.

“My cute little psycho,” you told him lovingly, while you kissed his nose.

“I'm not a psycho” he answered, almost offended “I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research”

“That's from Sherlock, I know. I will never leave you the television again, nor take you to any play. You absorb the personality of every character you see” you laughed, kissing him again and then being led into the kitchen for him to pamper you.

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[lily-drake]

Fantasy/Twin AU

Sorry for being late and not posting for a bit. Was a bit burnt out and had writer block. I will go back to write the other days soon though. Also, sorry, I suck at writing wing aus, this is my first time doing it.

Earth J-236, an earth full of mystical life.  An earth where everyone is born with wings.  Your wings represented who you are; well not really, but that’s what people believed.  If your wings were bright and colorful then you were obviously an amazing person, but if your wings were darker or had little color, then you have great evil in your soul.  Marinette was born seconds after her twin, Damian.  It takes a few years before your wings fully grow in, usually to about 6.  But with the accelerated growth serums used in their artificial wombs, it took them till they were three for their feathers to sprout.  Damian’s were black like their father’s with subtle hints of red like their mothers.  Marinette’s were pure black, devoid of any color, and her mother was so proud of that.  She was the League’s charm, for it’s believed that anyone with pure black wings was pure evil.  Her only purpose being to protect her brother, nothing else was more important than her brother’s safety.  She would die for him, because if he died she might as well have died as well as her only purpose for living would be gone.

Damian glared at his sister, his wings ruffling in annoyance.  She was hovering close to him again, and she never said anything to him ever unless she was completely sure they were alone.  He did not believe that his sister was or could ever be, “pure evil” just because of her wings.  In fact, her mannerisms are the exact opposite of what people believed.  She, in her own ways, is caring, sweet, and protective.  He had seen, and helped, her nurse a baby bird that had fallen from its nest back to health.  She would often place little things around the base for only him to find such as some extra baklava, a throwing knife, a drawing of someone, beads, or other random objects.  Grandfather had always been extra hard on her, making sure she wouldn’t betray them, she wouldn’t become “evil enough to lose herself”.  Sometimes she would sneak into his room at night, and it tore him apart to see silent tears run down his little sister's face as small black raven feathers fell onto the floor from her days worth of training.  He had been learning how to fly, her wings had been clipped every two or three months so she could not leave the base.  She had learned long ago to control her facial and wing expressions, but he could always see the droop in them and the sad shine in her eyes as she stood on the ground while he was in the air.

________

Marinette looked up and watched as the fiery Phoenix flew through the air setting Nada Parabat aflame.  She didn’t feel much as she watched her grandfather get blown up.  She only felt great anxiety and fear as she could not find her brother.  She loved her brother, and if her job was to cause chaos, she would make sure she could prevent it from hurting him.  Grandfather had told her about how cursed she was, it’s why they had to be extra tough on her, and she understood that.  They couldn’t have her hurting anyone they needed, only the people they wanted gone.  She was angry at grandfather yesterday for taking some of her feathers for failing a task, this must have been her fault.  She didn’t want to hurt her brother, her wings had only proven nothing but destruction.  She had to leave now, then she could go where no one else was, and she wouldn’t have to hurt anyone else.  So like a coward, like the disgrace she was, she ran.  She kept her wings tight against her back making sure that no one could grab them as she ran.  An arrow hit one of them, but she didn’t have time to think about the burning pain as she ran and ran and ran farther and farther and farther away.  Tears ran down her cheeks as she silently prayed that her brother would be okay.

She didn’t know how long she ran, but she knew it must have been a really long time as she had just collapsed from exhaustion in the woods.  She looked back at her wings and slowly and carefully spread them out and hissed in pain from where the arrow had pierced her left wing.  Drops of red slowly dripped down her feathers and dropped on the ground.  She quickly closed them and made sure they were as small and put away as possible.  She looked up at the trees made of brass with different colored jade leaves.  Pearl-like apples growing on a few.  She watched a baby griffon follow it’s mother in the distance, turtle ducks waddling to a pond somewhere nearby, deer nibbling on plants, she could hear the rustling of leaves and branches from unseen creatures and everything was getting more blurry and dark.  She was cold, it felt very cold.  She slowly unwound her wings from around herself and closed them tightly around her, but that didn’t stop the chill that went deep down to her bones.  She was a failure, a mistake, she would only cause harm.  Here she wouldn’t be able to do that, and if she died here, then no one would be hurt by her again, and wasn’t that such a nice thought.

________

Tom and Sabine had finally been able to hire some trusted employees and explore places in Tibet.  They had made lots of money over the years with their successful bakery, and they thought now was a better time than ever to go on a real honeymoon as they hadn’t been able to afford it before when the bakery had first started.  It was during one of these forest explorations when they saw a trail of little drops of blood and felt they needed to follow it.  What they discovered broke their hearts.  There lying on the cold forest floor was what appeared to be a child hugging their very black wings around them.  They knew of the rumors and myths of black winged people, but they did not care.  They believed that their wings were not what made them evil, but rather situations put into their lives.  Sabine quickly checked for a pulse, and though it was slow she sighed in relief when she felt it.  She quickly handed the small unconscious girl to Tom and they both quickly went to the nearest hospital.  How could someone leave such a small child all alone to die like that?  It looked as if she had been injured if the dried blood on the small fragile wings said anything.  And worst of all, upon closer examination, they had been clipped, recently too.

As soon as they arrived they carried the small girl to the front and demanded that they take her in.  They waited until the doctors were done and gave them permission to visit claiming to be the girl’s adopted parents.  It wasn’t technically a lie, they would be soon even if Sabine had to force it to happen.

When Marinette woke up she knew something was off.  She was under a blanket, she’s never been given a blanket before.  The sent of bleach and chemicals were everywhere and it hurt her nose.  There was a beeping noise next to her that was giving her a headache.  She didn’t know where she was, and that was bad.  She opened her eyes a small fraction so nobody could see she was awake and looked around as much as she could.  The entire room was white and there were bright lights.  There were two strange people waiting in chairs near where she was laying.  She wondered if they were the ones who brought her here.  Slowly she opened them up all the way and silently sat up.  It’s best to make no noise, then she wouldn’t disturb anyone.

“Oh sweety, I’m so glad you’re awake.”

The woman said in a cheery and relieved manner, but she just continued to watch and study them silently.  Her wings felt stiff against her back, though she made sure they didn’t move or give anything away.

“How are you feeling dear?”

Silence greeted them, and her face remained as impassive as ever.  They wanted something, why else would they save a freak like her?  What were they aiming for here?

“Did your parents hurt you?  If so, we can take you away from them.”

Marinette’s eyes widened only a fraction.  These were randoms, innocents if you will.  They obviously had no idea who she was, and they seemed unafraid of her and her wings.  Did they not know how dangerous she was, didn’t they know that black wings meant she was cursed?  The man and the woman looked at eachother and spread their wings.  Marinette was shocked, but she wouldn’t show it.

The large man had light brown eagle wings while the small woman had white and black woodpecker wings.  She wanted to reach out and touch the feathers, but then something bad would happen to them, so she held her hands together.

“We don’t care what your wing color is.  Your wings don’t define who you are, it’s what you do with your life that does.  Can we please help you?”

The woman said sincerely as she gripped the man’s hand in hers.  She felt a pull to them, something telling her to accept.  She didn’t want to hurt them though.  But maybe she could protect them?  Maybe she could find a way around her curse and make sure they don’t get hurt?  Slowly she nodded and they both looked so happy when she did.  She hoped that she wouldn’t hurt them, they didn’t deserve to be cursed.  Maybe if she didn’t touch them things would be ok.  If she didn’t let them touch her then it wouldn’t spread.  She could do this!

________

Apparently she couldn’t do it because this is a very affectionate family, and the first thing that happened before they let her sleep on their —super fluffy, pure Heaven— bed was give her a hug.  She had made sure that her wings were tucked under her clothes and tight against her back the entire time though.  So they didn’t touch her wings, so maybe that meant they wouldn’t be cursed.

It was strange, because the next morning they went to a courthouse, and she was adopted.  She hadn’t said anything throughout the entire event, she just watched and observed what people did.  They stayed in Tibet for another few days before they flew to Paris, France.  This was supposed to be her new home.  The city of light and love.  Maybe here, it would stop her curse.  It was so bright that it had to block out her darkness.  She still always carried one of her knives with her, she felt naked without one.  Tom and Sabine seemed to understand somehow, and said that it was her business and that was enough for them till she was ready to talk about it.  It was strange not to be interrogated for now wanting to tell someone something.

Marinette had lived with the Dupain-Chengs for about a year now.  It was strange really, they were honest business people and their joy was always sincere.  They didn’t question much of what she did even though it was probably weird to them.  They didn’t punish her for messing up like the league did, and they never went near her wings without permission.  They never plucked her feathers, and they would often ask if they could preen her wings.  She would refuse every time, but she would often wonder what it would be like to have someone else touch them.  Think of what it would be like if she weren’t cursed.  When it was time for school she would always wrap them around herself then tape them so no one would see or be able to touch them.  Things were finally going well, she couldn’t risk it now!

There was a blonde brat that liked to act like she was above her, and because her wings were always hidden with no explanation she made sure everyone knew that she was “wingless”.  She didn’t care though, being wingless was better than being evil winged.  She never really said anything in class or to other students, she never gave much reaction keeping her stoic face up.  The brat left her alone soon after for being a, “ridiculous!  Utterly ridiculous freak.”  And nobody was the wiser.

Being Lady Chaos was….the best thing that ever happened to her if she was being honest.  Even with pure black wings, people still thought she was a hero.  She never flew, she was scared she’d fall and die.  She was never allowed to fly before, and even if she technically can do so now, it’s not worth the risk.  Her partner though, Mr. Bug has gold, red, and black wings.  He can fly through the air with ease she wished she desperately had.  Sometimes after patrol she would go to the very top of the Eiffel Tower and just stretch her wings out as far out as she could.  She would close her eyes as the wind blew past her and ruffled her feathers and pretend that she was soaring through the air.

________

Year three of living with Tom and Sabine she was comfortable talking to them more, and with Plagg there to control her chaos she finally let them touch her wings.  It was strange really, she never took care of her wings, never cared enough to.  When she first felt the hands on her feathers she had to will herself not to draw them back for fear of them plucking or ripped out.  But Sabine’s hands were so gentle and smooth that they seemed to move on their own and go closer to her touch.  Sabine would smile and hum as she gently preened the dark raven feathers that were soft and smooth.  Maybe she could finally tell the class that she wasn’t wingless soon, and maybe they would be okay with it.

No, they would not as she learned from listening to her classmates talk to the new student, Lila Rossi.  To them Lady Chaos was the only good black winged person because she was chasing after Mr. Bug to earn his affections.  Lady Chaos was obviously evil before she met Mr. Bug and she would always be evil no matter what she did.  Marinette felt nauseous that she ever thought about telling them the truth.  She had never felt more betrayed than she felt now, because she had given them her trust, and they broke it without even knowing it.  After that day, she made extra sure that her wings were hidden and wore a bit thicker clothing just in case.  Tom and Sabine are a little worried about it, but she calmed them pretty quickly.  She was fine, it wasn’t like they were all great friends to begin with.  That’s probably why everyone sides with Lila and decides that she’s a terrible person.

She had tried leaving her past behind, pretending that she didn’t hurt and kill people.  Pretend that she wasn’t a weapon.  She tried to push it far away, but it wasn’t enough.  It was never enough.  She had abandoned her brother.  She betrayed the league.  She did unspeakable things to please someone who would never care about her, just her use.  The city of lights seems duller than usual, it was probably her fault Hawkmoth came to be in the first place, afterall she was cursed to bring ruin everywhere she went.

________

Lila and Chloe thought it would be a great idea to bring everybody to the Crime Capital of the World for their senior trip.  Probably to watch people flounder and worry when things go wrong, which they definitely would.  She had stopped Hawkmoth a month before the trip, but Mr. Bug took all the credit for it. The arrogant self centered bas*.  Adrien kept giving her side glances that always made her feel uncomfortable and slightly disgusted.  During school he would try to touch her with every chance he’d get.  He almost discovered her wings at one point.  She couldn’t do anything about it before because of the stupid your-rich-so-do-whatever-the-heck-you-want treatment.  Now that Adrien’s family fortune is gone, and people don’t trust him because of what his dad did, so he has to be more careful.  He now kept some distance, which she was extremely grateful for.

She would have broken his hand, she had imagined it plus other things more than once.  But then Tom and Sabine would get in trouble by Gabriel for her actions.  They didn’t deserve that, they had been nothing but good to her since they found her abandoned in that forest.

She would be fine though, as long as Lila had a grip on his arm and she was in the back, away from him.  She listened to their tour guide, Richard Grayson, talk about the history and importance of WE.  The architecture was brilliant really, and you couldn’t blame her for having to draw and sketch it.  She often thought of Damian when she sketched.  She used to leave drawings for him around the base, little things that expressed her adoration for him without getting too close.  She wondered if he was still with the league, had he escaped, did he die?  She hoped that wasn’t the case, she hoped that he would be alive and well.  Bright orange and white wings nearly slapped her in the face if she hadn’t stopped right before the movement had occurred.

“Oh my gosh!  I’m so sorry Marinette!  Sometimes my wings just spasm out of control like that!  I didn’t hurt you did I?”

Marinette just silently rolled her eyes and took a few steps backward and watched the class glare at her waiting for her to comfort the liar.  She would never lower herself to do that.  She was still an Al Ghul afterall, even if she did leave it behind when she fled.  She was thankful when lunch came, she waited far away from the line and watched silently from a dark corner to make sure no one would hurt her.  Then she felt it, a hand touching her back feeling for something.  She quickly and instinctively grabbed the arm and twisted it behind them pinning it behind their back at a painful angle.

“Ukhti, let go.”

Marinette knew that voice.  She remembered that name and she could feel her heart stop.  The lunchroom was silent as they watched the small bluenette silently and quickly release the “Ice Prince”. Everyone watched with bated breaths to see what would happen next.  The boy’s wings were ruffled in agitation and fear.

“Where are they?”

He demanded.  Marinette knew what he was talking about, she simply wrapped her arms around herself and turned her head away definitely.

“Why are you hiding them, Malak?  Please.”

Marinette could feel her wings moving in defiance to what her brain was saying.  They wanted to be shown, they wanted to be touched by her brother again.  She looked down and slowly uncrossed her arms from her body.  Damian gently took her hands in his and looked directly into her eyes.

“Everything will be ok, Taw'ami.”

She slowly nodded and with shaky fingers reached under her hoodie and began to slowly unwrap the tape that kept her wings confined.  When all the tape was in her hands she hesitantly removed her hoodie and let her wings unfold from around herself and into the open.  She had made shirts that let her wings slip through slits in the back that were tailored to her wings specifically and were most comfortable.  Damian marveled at how big her raven wings had grown and how shiny they were.  He reached out a hand slowly and gently ran his fingers down the inky black that was her wings.

Shouts of fear and accusations were thrown at her, mostly from her class.  She didn’t listen though, she just observed.  The tour guide was coming over now, probably to kick her out.  He had such lovely wings though,  they were a deep navy blue that looked similar to black with dark red and light blue running through them.  They looked so well kept and soft.

“Damian, what’s happening?  Who is this?”

“Grayson, meet my twin sister, Marinette.”

“You have a twin?!”

Richard exclaimed loudly, drawing even more attention.  The insults and jeers stopped after that.  She looked over at the class and smirked when she saw their shock and confusion.

“Yes, keep up.”

Damian said brusquely.  They must know each other well then.

“Come, we must take her away from these imbeciles and take her to father.”

Damian grabbed her wrist and tugged, her quickly falling into line like she used to when he did this.

“Now tell me Ukhti, have you been taking care of yourself?”

She nodded as they came to an elevator and walked into it with Richard right behind them.  Marinette felt her feathers fluff up nervously.  She wasn’t in control of them right now, and she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Damian ran a hand gently down her right wing trying to smooth it down.

“Things will be fine Marinette.  Just watch, father will be glad to meet you.”

She looked him in the eyes and squeezed her hands together.

“No, I have not told him about you.  Things will be fine though.”

He seemed to understand her weird way of communicating, she still didn’t understand how he did.  Richard cleared his throat and both turned to look at him.

“Sorry to interrupt, but um…I’m Dick, I’m Damian’s, and yours I guess, oldest brother.  It’s nice to meet you.”

He spread his wings in a welcoming way that meant and showed safety and peace. Her wings involuntarily rose up as well to reciprocate his greeting.  When the door to the elevator opened again she quickly forced her wings to hide on her back trying desperately to keep them from sight.  Damian didn’t seem to like it, but he just grabbed her wrist and dragged her to a large office room.  The plaque on the door read “CEO Bruce Wayne”.  Their father was Bruce Wayne?!  She couldn’t go in there, she couldn’t curse him and ruin his life.  No, she had already messed up at the league, and she was just barely not messing up with Tom and Sabine, she would definitely ruin Bruce Wayne’s life, and she would not allow that to happen.  She tugged at his grip desperately trying to get away.

“Marinette, stop.  Your wings are not cursed, that was a lie.”

Marinette shook her head and kept trying to escape the iron-like grip.

“Do you not trust me anymore?”

She froze at that and quickly shook her head.  Of course she trusted him, it was her that shouldn’t be trusted.

“Good, because we’re going in now.”

And that was that, because the door was now open and she was being dragged into the office room where their father and another boy with large bags under his eyes stared at them.  Damian puffed up his chest and feathers letting his strong, big, and brilliant wings rise into the air.

“Father, this is your daughter, my twin, Marinette Erebus Al Ghul-Wayne.”

They both stared at her in shock and Marinette slowly and cautiously raised her despicable black wings into the air.  Both stared at them in awe before looking back at her, but she didn’t meet their eyes.  She didn’t want to see the disgust and hatred in their eyes.

After a few moments she looked up and saw their wings greeting hers like Dick’s had.  Their father’s wings were a mix of black and dark grey alternating the color in each row of feathers.  The other boy’s were black at the top and slowly turned to red at the bottom.  But they were welcoming her openly, so that must mean something!  Well, it was time to get to know her father, she guessed.

[yourtamaki]

the broken melody of us

matsukawa x f!reader

word count: 4k

request: mattsun hurt/comfort + neglect?

warnings: hurt/comfort, neglect, body worship, praise kink, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, cockwarming

it was a song and dance at this point. a well rehearsed play with a blinding spotlight on the exhausted actors onstage. both of you go through the motions, no life behind the words you’ve spoken so many times they held no meaning anymore. you don’t know why you keep up the charade. you never expect a different result yet still you pick up the phone everyday and call your boyfriend. 

“you think you’ll be home in time for dinner?” 

sometimes you get a different, automated message. “maybe. might have to stay late,” or “can’t, i’ve gotta finish something up,” or your least favourite. a simple, clipped, “no.” 

“don’t stay out too late.” you should cut this part from the script, he never listens. 

“i’ll try.” 

“i love you.” this line is always to be spoken quietly, followed by holding your breath while you wait for his response. it’s the only reason you make these calls. this is your only chance to hear him say it and pretend he means it as much as he once did.

“love you too.” the line goes dead, the lights dim and he’s gone. you’re alone on an empty stage staring out at a bored audience. bored of the foolish protagonist who keeps them locked in the theatre, playing the same ending over and over and expecting something to give, to change. they watch on, silent and judging while you barter away what little dignity you have left. 

let them watch. 

the rejection doesn’t sting as badly as it used to. you’ve learned to bear it, swallow down the hurt that sits like a stone in your gut and go about your day, filling it with any meaningless errand that would stop your mind from wandering back to him. 

mattsun was subtle, you could give him that much. the way he slowly pulled away from your arms until you could hardly remember how he felt beneath your palms. the realization that you don’t really know your boyfriend anymore was slow to hit you but it knocked the air out of your lungs when it did. it crashed down on you when you woke in the middle of the night and turned to stare at his back gently rising and falling with every breath. his hair is longer then you remember and you don’t know why the thought has a lump forming in your throat. you focus instead on the broad expanse of his back. he’s tense, even in sleep, shoulders rigid and you’re sure if you could see his face, his brows would be furrowed. subtle changes that are enough for you to realize you’ve been shut out of his life.

you used to know him. when you were university kids who thought the future would never catch up to them and spent countless days in each other’s company. it wasn’t so much you knew him, it felt like you were him. and he was you. less attached to the hip and more intertwined with one another. you two were of one mind, to the point where you knew what the other needed before they’d even say it. 

your mattsun who was always just a text away. 

your mattsun who would indulge your late night drives, who would look at you with a permanent crooked smile on his face and love in his eyes. 

“you think we’ll always be like this?” you said one night, straddling him in panties and a baggy hoodie in the backseat and lazily kissing beneath the stars. and because he was yours and understood every little anxious thought that crossed your mind, he didn’t question why you were asking, didn’t make you explain what you meant, didn’t try to make a half assed joke about it. 

his hands trailed up your sides as he contemplated his answer, sending shivers up your spine. “probably not. things always change. we’ll change with them.” 

“what if things get worse?” 

“they might. but what if they get better? just cause it’s different doesn’t mean it's scary, angel.” 

“i know. but i hate thinking about it cause things are so good right now. i want it to last forever.” 

“we got time. let’s make the most of it, yeah?” he gripped your hips, slowly grinding you against his growing bulge and pulling you back into a kiss, sighing as your lips slotted together. you took control of the pace and grinned against him when a groan spilled into your mouth. 

“is that your way of saying we should hurry up and fuck?” 

“it’s working, isn’t it?” before you could pull your sweater up over your head, he cupped your face and brought your forehead to his, sincerity shining through his dark eyes. “i’ll always love you. that’ll never change. got it?”

“got it.” you managed to push the words out despite the lump that formed in your throat. he kept his eyes locked on yours as he slid your panties to the side and sank inside you, the familiar stretch a welcome one. 

it was nothing special, one night of many spent panting into each other’s mouths with an unspoken promise still hanging from your lips. but it was a memory you circled back to often, so often you could hear the echo of his vow ring through your head. 

your fears came to pass not long after that. life caught up and tore him from you, leaving you a shattered mess in the aftermath. you tried to fit jagged pieces of yourself back together in an attempt to remake the person you used to be but what stared back at you only left you keenly aware of the empty space he used to reside. 

these days, you like going to the roof of your apartment and letting the wind blow through those countless gaps in your soul. you feel whole for a short while as it whistles through you, the air filled with the broken melody of you, of the relationship that slips past your grasp more everyday. it’s shrill and ear piercing and leaves goosebumps littered on your skin. 

you can’t stop listening to it. 

it’s where you were now, staring out as the sun dipped below the horizon and listening to the haunting sound that’s been your only company in recent memory. later, you’ll go home and crawl into bed desperate for any warmth and no time to miss the heat of a body next to yours. your phone lights up bright in contrast to the darkening sky and it takes you a few moments of staring blankly at the screen for it to sink in that mattsun is trying to call you. 

this isn’t part of the script. 

you don’t know your lines. 

and yet you find yourself answering anyway, hitting the green button before the call drops and you raise your phone to your ear silently. 

“are you okay?” his voice comes out rushed and strung together almost before your phone is pressed to your ear. 

“why’re you asking?” 

“remember that time you failed that essay? i think it was third year and you hid in your room all day and wouldn’t answer the phone?” you did remember. how you couldn’t bear to face the world that day with the crushing weight of failure hanging over you and how shocked you were to see mattsun standing at the front door. “did i ever tell you why i checked up on you?” 

“no.” 

“the whole day i felt, in my gut, like i needed to see you. i can’t describe it, it was like a stab that just dug deeper until i went to your place. would you believe me if i said i have that feeling right now?” 

“i- i would.” you say quietly, wondering if he could even hear you over the roar of the wind. 

“are you okay?” he repeats. there’s a weight behind his words that has tears springing to your eyes. 

“no, issei ‘m not.” 

“i’m almost home, i’m parking right now. i’ll be up in a few minutes, okay? wait for me, angel.” 

you were always waiting for him, weren’t you? what's a couple more minutes? you hang up and try in vain push down the wave of anxiousness that hits you. it’s just mattsun, you try to remind yourself. even if it’s been awhile since you’ve really felt like a part of his life, he’s still the person you fell in love with. right?

even if the issei from the past would never have made you feel so alone. the issei that was free from the hardships of real life, of 9-5s and bills due and rent to pay. you miss that issei, mourn for him on empty rooftops everyday. maybe he’s still alive somewhere within this new issei but it’s not like you would know. 

you head off the roof, shivering slightly as you make your way home. the days were only getting colder, you should’ve known not to stay out for so long. you were trying to get your shaky hands to cooperate and unlock the door when you hear the elevator dings open and your name being called out. 

“you weren’t home?” he asks, gently prying your keys from your grasp and opening the door for you both. as soon as he locks it behind you, his hands are covering yours once more. “baby you’re freezing.” 

words. where were your words? you couldn’t call up any as he brought your joined hands to his mouth, blowing hot air on them and rubbing them between his to warm them up. this is the closest you’ve been to him in who knows how long and you couldn’t summon up a single sentence. it’s not your fault. his attention has always stunned you into silence. 

he thought you were painfully shy the first time you met and though that was half true, you mostly found yourself silently panicking about the handsome man that suddenly sat beside you. the professor had paired the class off to discuss the readings for that lecture and your interest had only come to life when you saw the dark haired man make his way to you. 

“i’m gonna be honest.” he said as he plopped down beside you and showed you the blank document open on his laptop. “i have no idea what we’re supposed to be doing right now. do you?” 

it was his eyes, you decided much later, hugging your pillow and staring at the text you just received from a new number. you came alive under his gaze like you could finally catch your breath, everything dull until his eyes landed on you. you don’t believe in love at first sight, this was something different. it was the dust of collapsing stars finding each other once more. it was strings of fate being braided together. it was more profound, more important than love and it all happened in a moment. 

you nodded in response to his earlier question though it was clear neither of you were paying any attention to what was going on in class, too caught up in the small bubble that surrounded you and drowned out the rest of the world. 

“matsukawa. i’m- my name’s matsukawa.” you must’ve given your name in return judging by the smile he gave you in return. “so what’re we doing, partner?”

this time, you forced a proper response, intensely aware of how you held yourself in a way you’ve never been before. “yeah, she just wants us to talk about today’s reading.” 

matsukawa watched you pull up your notes, resting his head in his hand while you began explaining the general concepts. you paused when you noticed he was still looking at you and not at the notes you had angled towards him. 

“am i explaining it okay?” 

“we’re a month into the semester, how have i not noticed you before?” 

“guess you don’t notice something you’re not looking for.” 

just then the professor grabbed everyone’s attention, the student’s quietly migrating back to their seats but matsukawa stayed where he was. instead, you could just hear him speak under his breath, more to himself then to you but you still managed to pick it up, your face going hot as it echoed in your head. “trust me, i’m looking now.” 

the memory leaves you more vulnerable than you expected, soft in his arms as the numbness finally fades and the shaking stops.

“where were you?” he says.

“the roof.” his brows furrow, lips pulled down in a frown. it’s strange feeling yourself falling back into reading him so easily, not needing him to ask to know he wanted you to explain why. “i like going up there. this place is too quiet with just me in it.” 

the longer you watch him, the more you pick up from his body language. the confusion then understanding that flits across his face, the underlying care you’re so familiar with as he smooths his thumb over the back of your hand. but more than anything you start to see his guilt. his muscles are rigid with it, it swims in his eyes that never quite seem to meet yours. 

“i’ve fucked up, haven't i?” he finally says when he realizes you won’t be the one to breach the subject. 

“issei…”

“no, i have. things have been so endless, i feel like i’m half awake and i’ve hurt you because of it.” 

you squeeze his hands, trying to reassure him. “just talk to me. please.” 

“i hate it. work is nonstop, everyday is the same shit over and over. it’s just a wave that keeps knocking me down and i can barely get my footing before it pushes me down again. and every day i think about quitting just to get ready the next morning. 

“if i was alone, if… if i didn’t have you i would’ve quit so long ago but i want to give you the life you deserve and i can’t do that if i’m broke. and it all might be for nothing cause i might’ve lost you already.” 

the confession ends with mattsun clearing his throat, blinking fast and concentrating solely on your laced hands. you can’t seem to catch your breath, struggling under the weight he had carried silently until now as he finally shares the burden with you. 

“you haven’t lost me, issei. look at me.” you wait until his eyes meet yours before dropping your voice to a whisper. “you haven’t lost me.”

“i don’t deserve you.” 

“it’s not about deserving, i chose you. i chose to love you, i chose to stay when things got bad. yeah, you hurt me.” it’s impossible to miss the full body flinch at your words, “and i’m not ready to forgive you just yet. but that doesn’t mean i’m giving up on us. i don’t want you working yourself to death for me. i don’t care where we live or how much money you spend on me. i don’t need all of that, i just need you. got it?” 

“got it.” you see his adam’s apple bob as he swallows down whatever feeling overcomes him, “i’m sorry.”

“i know.”

“tell me what you need, please. i need- i need to make this right.” 

you answer by leaning forward and mattsun meets you halfway. the kiss is soft in contrast to the way you bundle the front of his shirt in your fists, afraid the moment might end before it’s even begun but mattsun takes his time cherishing you. there’s regret and gratitude and love that dances across your tongue and the taste has pressure building behind your eyes. 

it isn’t enough. you need him closer, need him to line the cracks of your soul with his touch. you pull just far back enough to break the kiss and mumble against his lips, “more, ‘sei please. i’m so cold.” 

“anything you want, pretty baby. let me make you feel good, yeah?” 

his lips crash back down on yours with renewed eagerness. there’s a desperation that wasn’t there a moment ago fuelling you both and urging you to stumble blind into the bedroom, barely letting your mouths detach as you fumble and undress each other. 

it’s not until you’re naked before him that your head clears a bit and shyness comes creeping in. he cups your face as though he could sense you curling into yourself and simply says, “beautiful.” 

the utter conviction in his voice is enough to dispel any insecurities before they have a chance to latch on and you turn your head to kiss the center of his palm, silently telling him you were all right. together you land in a tangled heap in bed, his half hard cock resting on your thigh. mattsun kisses his way down your neck, licking and sucking at every sensitive spot he had mapped out over the years. 

“issei…” you say, impatience tinging your voice as you feel your core throb with need. 

“i’ll get you there, angel, you know i will. let me take my time, i missed you.” 

true to his word, he began kissing every inch of skin he could reach. your tits, your stomach, your thighs all the way down to your ankles, he made sure to shower with affection. it’s nearly overwhelming. you knew you were starved for his attention but it feels like something breaks loose inside you the longer his mouth trails over your body, whispering declarations into your skin that left you tingling in his wake. by the time his fingers dip between your legs, your thighs are sticky with arousal, clit thrumming and begging to be touched. 

“look at my pretty baby’s pussy. all wet just for me?” 

“mhmm ‘s all for you, issei.” 

he hums, swirling his middle finger around your entrance and pressing the thick digit inside with ease. it’s only a few pumps later he adds another, stretching out your gummy walls. his other hand drifts over your mound, his thumb finally giving your clit some attention as his fingers graze over a spot inside you that has your hips rising off the bed. 

“stay still. you want to be my good girl, right?” the quiet authority that radiates from mattsun has you clenching around him, doing your best to do as he asks and keep your legs spread for him. “there you go. you’re taking me so well, baby. you’re close, aren’t you? i can feel it” 

mattsun loves showing off how well he knew your body, how it never took long for you to crumble beneath him. a few more idle circles with the pad of his thumb and your orgasm washes over you, rising gently and leaving you relaxed in its wake. 

that state didn’t last long as he replaces his thumb with his mouth, sucking at your clit that twitches against his tongue, still sensitive from your high. “issei! w-wait please give me a sec-” 

his glare is enough to cut through your babbling, his fingers never slowing in their strokes against that sweet spot. you let out a low moan as he adds yet another finger, the stretch just shy of uncomfortable but it’s quick to fade into pleasure once again. the flame in your gut is far more intense this time and you can’t stop the whimpers he pulls from you. you thread your fingers through his dark curls, tugging on them and pulling him deeper into your folds.

“that’s it, princess. cum on my tongue and i’ll stuff you full, i promise. you can do it, c’mon baby.” 

the encouragement has the coil in your gut tightening once more and the lewd sounds of mattsun lapping up every drop that escapes you is enough to snap it. when the blood stops ringing in your ears, you realize he’s shifted your positions. he’s sat cross-legged on the bed with you pulled into his lap, legs locked around his waist. his cock is pinned between your stomachs, smearing precum on your skin and your mouth waters as you catch sight of the blushing tip. 

he whispers your name to grab your attention, naked devotion plain on his face when you gaze up at him. “i love you.” 

this. this was your breaking point. the words you longed to hear every time you picked up the phone for those dreaded calls. your vision blurs with tears that well up and spill down your cheeks before you could blink them away. “you do?” 

“i do, baby, with everything i’ve got. i-“ he falters for a moments, visibly steeling himself for what he wanted to say. “i want to spend the rest of my life with you. there’s not a future i can picture that doesn’t include you. you’re it for me.” 

“i want that too ‘sei.” you hiccup, more tears trickle out faster than you can wipe them clear. 

you feel his whole body relax, hands rubbing at your sides to soothe you. “don’t cry, angel. wait till i’m inside you at least.” 

“shut up.” your laugh comes out watery but it feels good to smile. “how do you go from sweet to nasty so fast?” 

“just wanted to see you smile.” you try and fail to suppress another grin that only widens when mattsun peppers your cheeks with loud kisses. “so pretty and all mine.”

“all yours.” you repeat, grinding your soaked folds along the underside of his cock. “and you’re mine, right?” 

“that’s right, princess. go on, take what’s yours.” 

sinking down on mattsun feels like coming home, the empty ache finally gone as he fills you and you both moan when he bottoms out. there’s no way for you to bounce in this position but you find that you don’t mind. you feel closer to him like this, what little space there is between you vibrating with how vulnerable you both were. 

it’s relaxing, slowly rolling your hips against each other, not building towards anything and indulging in the other’s touch. your hands roam across his broad back, sucking dark marks into his neck while he grabs at your ass, kneading and groping so possessively you clench around him. 

“fuck.” he groans next to your ear. “keeping squeezing me with that princess cunt, you feel so fucking good. just like that, good girl.” 

“issei…” you whimper, pressure gradually building in your gut as your grinding gets sloppy and legs grow weak. 

“what is it, baby? use your words.” 

“want more, ‘sei i want your cum.” 

“yeah? want me to fill up this greedy pussy and keep you warm with my cum?” he leans forward, keeping you cradled in his arms as your back hits the mattress, your legs still crossed around his waist keeping him as close to you as possible. 

you nod, half delirious with need and mattsun begins thrusting in earnest. his cock is so thick he nudges against every sensitive spot along your walls, his tip battering just below your cervix and hitting so deep you swear you can feel it in your throat. his hands pry yours open from where you had been gripping the sheets and laces his fingers with yours. a swell of love rises in you and has you gasping for air as he fucks you into the mattress. you can’t even hear your own moans over the squelch as you grow wetter and wetter and the smack of his heavy balls against your ass.

your orgasm takes both of you by surprise, ripping through you so violently you’re left a shaking mess. mattsun’s hips stutter, bucking wildly into you as he nears his own high and you stare in awe as he reaches it. it’s a sight you’ll never get enough of, how beautiful he looks as he spills endlessly inside you, mindlessly grinding it deeper with his softening cock. 

“you okay, angel?” he asks, pulling you in for a sweet, lingering kiss. 

“mhmm. can we stay like this?” you weren’t ready to put any space between you, not so soon after reconnecting.

“‘course we can.” he settles over you, knowing exactly what you need. his weight a reassurance that grounds you in a way words never could. it’s a conversation in its own right, one that could only pass between two people who knew each other as well as you knew each other. in the quiet afterglow he tells you that he’s here with you. that you were going to work on being okay again. that he wouldn’t let you feel that lonely ever again. and you believe him with every fibre of your being. 

dedicated to: @honeykeigo @ohno-otome @keigobaby @saintdabi @toshidou @sawam0chi

[anonymousfiction211]

Escaping the TVA

Summary: Based off a chat request, I changed some minor things. But during the first episode of the Loki-series, Loki escapes and ends up alone in the room where Mobius showed him the clips of his life. He finds a tape with (Y/N)'s name on it, his former best friend and love-interest. Curiosity got the better of him and he decides to play the tape, which lead to something even Loki hadn't forseen.

Word count: 2.864 words

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort

Escaping the TVA Loki walked back into the room he just was, being interrogated by some guy from the TVA. He could handle the words, they meant nothing to him. But not the clips they showed him. Clips of a life he has and hasn’t led at the same time. Of things that would happen if they hadn’t caught him. He knew he was a person that brought destruction and chaos with him, but somehow for the first time he finally saw what the consequences of his behaviour were for other people.

He walks over to the side of the desk where this guy Mobius was sitting earlier. He looks at the machine that showed him the clips and try to turn it on. It did turn on and Loki scrolls through some of the clips he saw earlier. Next to the machine lay multiple tapes that showed stickers with different part of his life. He could read the labels clearly ‘Frost Giant’, ‘New York’, ‘Asgardian Prison’, ‘Death 1’, ‘Death 2’ etc. But then his eyes fell onto a label with a name on it. A name he hadn’t seen or heard in quite a while ‘Y/N’. He was doubting if he should play it, it had been a long time since he had seen you. Seeing your name on the tape made him realize how much he had missed you. But if he saw something of you he didn’t want, you with another men, you hating him or even worse, he couldn’t unsee it. Curiosity got the better of him and he put the tape in the machine.

After a few minutes of working the remote, he finally understood how to fast forwards, play backwards, and pause or resume the tape. The first clip it showed was of a day he remembered by heart, the day the two of you promised to stay best friends forever. He was so excited when he woke up, which kid wouldn’t be if it was his or her birthday? But nobody had congratulated him, got him a present or even mentioned his birthday. There wasn’t even a party or anything. You would think that at least his mother, a woman who carries a child and gives birth to it, would remember such a day. Of course, later Loki found out that she hadn’t. They didn’t know the exact day he was born, so they had chosen a day when they had ‘adopted’ him. But his family had forgotten it when he turned 8.

The clip showed him crying in his room when you entered. A small cake behind your back, which you had stolen from the kitchens.

‘Loki?’ you whispered.

‘Go away!’ he yelled back.

Instead of leaving you walked towards him and sat down on the bed. He turned around and watched you through his teary eyes. Loki remembered crying about, but not so hard as he saw now. He smiled when he watched his own face turn into a smile when you pulled the chocolate cake from behind your back and yelled ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’ to him.

‘You remembered?’ he asked

‘Of course, I did!’ you feigned insult.

‘You are the only one’ he whispered towards you.

‘Well, then the rest is stupid! Come on, let’s do something’

Loki had no interest in going out of bed, but somehow you had dragged him with you. The two of you ran through the castle to your secret hiding spot. It was a forgotten closet which had been empty at first. The two of you had put up a light and fillet it with cushions, books, and snacks. After sharing the cake, the two of you spent the whole day coming up with your own book, about two friends that stuck together and fought monsters together. Of course, the two of you didn’t knew back then that there was an actual monster in the closet.

Loki fast forward to the next clip. It showed you weaving the friendship bracelet he always wore. Seeing it he instinctively pulled up his sleeve and rubbed his wrist. But there was nothing there. They had stripped him over everything when he entered this place and put him in some kind of prison jumpsuit. Sadness overwhelmed him when he realized that he didn’t even know if he would ever get the bracelet back. He had put it on when you gave it to him, and never took it of ever since. It was such a part of him that he hadn’t even notice he was still wearing it sometimes.

After seeing more of his childhood memories through your eyes, the time the two of you had horse riding lessons together, or playing hide and seek, and that one time the two of you ran away to start your own kingdom, the best memory he had of you came up. You were young adults and Loki was already being groomed of possibly taking over the throne one day. You, however, needed to get an education. You were smart and would easily have aced the study to become a healer, something everyone had expected of you. But you were deadest on becoming a history teacher, one of the most valuable professions of society, in your opinion. Before you could, you had to ace your entry test. And to ensure you did, you had studied days on end. Loki was getting slightly worried, but you ignored his advice to take a break. One evening he woke in the middle of the night and decided to take a walk through the castle, before heading back to bed. When he passed the library he noticed a light and saw you still working yourself to death.

He couldn’t resist, you didn’t hear him come in, he snuck up on you and startled you. After a friendly chastising of you he had taken your hand and pulled you from the chair. He had made a music box appeared and start to sway with you on the music. After some resistance you finally gave in and danced with him. He couldn’t help but keep his gaze on you and seeing it through you eyes he saw that the love in them were obvious. Loki thought he had kept his feelings for you expertly to himself in that time, now he saw how that wasn’t the case. At the end of the song, he kissed you, it was slow and his lips didn’t want to leave yours. He saw himself blush and he remembered the smile on your face and the way your eyes sparkled when he finally had to break the kiss to get air.

That still was the best night of his life. After that it all went down hill. He learned of his true heritage and had pushed everyone away, letting go of his sceptre, falling to his death – or so he though at the time. Of course, things turned out differently and led to New York and him sitting here. To his surprise the tape didn’t end there. The happy warm feeling was replaced by dread. He saw you crying in your room on Asgard. It breaks Loki’s heart to hear you in such a state. You were sobbing your eyes out. He didn’t remember this, it had to be after he was gone. He wondered why you were crying and hated himself right now that he wasn’t there to comfort you. The whole clip was just you crying, and Loki watched every second of it. Trying to spot a clue of what happened to bring you in such a state. And with every second he started to hate himself more and more for not being there for you.

By the end a few tears were streaming down his face. He was slightly relieved that the tape went onto the next memory, hoping it was a happy one. He always hoped that you were happy, even if the two of you were estranged. The next clip showed you in the throne room with Odin, his mother, and his brother. He chuckled a little, thinking back at all the times he had gotten you both in trouble and you always getting them out of trouble. The countless times the two of you pretended to be completely innocent towards his parents. It was good to see that you were still getting into trouble, even if it was without him. But his heart ripped apart when he heard you yell,

‘No, I haven’t gotten over his death, I NEVER WILL!’

HE was the reason or your sleepless nights, for your tears and your sadness. Loki never thought about how his death would affect you, he was selfish, only thinking about himself. Thor told him that his whole family had mourned him, but he never mentioned you to also mourn him. Loki thought that you didn’t care that much after all.

‘You have failed him! Failed to see what kind of men he was, what kind of men he could be. Failed to save him!’ you kept on yelling towards his family. Through the pain in his chest Loki did admire your courage to stand up against them, something he wished had done more often.

‘If that is true, then you have also failed’ Odin said harshly to you, clearly to hurt you. If this was happening right now, Loki would barge into the throne room and strangle that men with his own two hands. How dare he say something like that to you? If there is one person in the universe he could always count on, it was you. He had failed you, not the other way around.

‘I have failed him’ you whispered before falling to your knees and crying again.

‘Take her out of my sight’ Odin commanded a guard who carried you away. Loki paused the video, he couldn’t handle it anymore. He couldn’t handle you crying over him, blaming yourself for something that was clearly his own fault. How much he had hurt you. He waited for his own emotions to get under control. He stared at the frozen image in the room and forced himself to play the rest of the clip. If you had hurt this much because of him, it was only fair Loki shared a little of your pain. He watched as the guards take you to the Bifrost. Before you could even question it, Heimdall turned the sword and you were pushed through. That was when the clip ended, the screen turned black.

Loki shot up from his chair. Frantically pushing the buttons of the remote and trying to find another tape with your name of it, but there wasn’t. Were you dead? Where did Odin send you? How were you doing? Did you hate him? He walked towards the black screen, suddenly it showed a hallway. A very familiar hallway. It was the same hallway he had to walk when he entered this place. Were you still here? How did you even get here? How long ago is this image? Loki looked intently at the screen and saw your hand open the door of the same room he was in. He froze when he heard the door open and saw his own back on the screen.

‘Hello Loki’ a familiar voice said. The screen turned black again and Loki turned around, only to see you standing there. Wearing the same suit that Mobius guy was wearing. You looked more determined then ever. Closing the door behind you walked towards the desk and motioned him to sit across from you. After Loki got of his shock, he sat down. He had so many questions, but thought it was better to let you start. That was the least he could do.

‘I have waited a long time for you to come here’ you said.

‘How are you doing? How did you end up here?’ Loki asked.

You raised your hand to prevent him from firing a load of questions. The look of determination faltered a little, and Loki saw you were holding back your tears and keep your expression as blank as possible. A tactic he normally would apply himself, but not after the tape, not after being without you, not with you. He let his tears fall freely from his eyes, and he knew that the love in them were as visible as it was the night you danced and kissed for the first time.

‘You watched my clip?’ you asked.

Loki nodded ‘I don’t understand why it was with my clips’ he said.

‘That is because I put it there. I needed you to see’ you said.

Loki raised an eyebrow. Apparently being apart for so many years, you had changed. ‘I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you, for everything’ he started, but you stopped him.

‘To answer your earlier questions your father banished me to some unknown realm, after roaming around I learned of the TVA and realized this was my best chance to meet you again’ you said.

‘You wanted to meet my again? Why? After everything? I failed you!’ he said.

‘You did’ you said. ‘For a long time, I thought it was the other way around. But I know it’s not’

Loki averted your gaze and looked towards the ground. ‘I’m so sorry’ and that was the moment he decided it was enough. He wouldn’t escape, he wouldn’t try and take over New York, he would comply for you. Because after seeing you again, he realized how empty his life had been and how empty it would be if he had to leave you again.

‘So, are you guilty?’ you asked.

‘Guilty of a crime I didn’t know I even committed? I guess’ he said.

‘Why even take over New York?’ you asked.

Loki grimaced at the recent memory. ‘It’s complicated’ he said.

‘Try me’ you shot back.

‘I- I didn’t exactly want to. I was forced, it’s a long story. But after I fell from the bridge I woke up..’ Loki started to explain when he was interrupted by loud banging on the door.

‘(Y/N), we know the two of you are in there. Just come out, before you make a giant mistake’ Loki recognized the voice as Mobius. And looked questioningly at you.

‘What mistake?’ he asked. ‘Why have you locked the door?’

‘Like I said, I started to work here, because I wanted to find you’ you said. ‘I just needed to know that the same guy I once knew was in there. I was shocked to learn everything you did, and I wonder how much you changed’ you said.

‘I changed a lot’ Loki shamefully admitted. ‘But one thing hasn’t, I will do anything for you. And I will comply with whatever punishment you see fit for this circus. But at least, hear me out. Give me a chance to explain and after I tell you everything, can I ask you a favour?’ he asked hopefully.

You eyed him up and down, probably trying to see if he was playing a trick or not. ‘Dance with me one last time’ he whispered. If this was indeed his final hour, for real this time, at least he would die with a happy last memory, dancing with the woman he loves.

‘Deal’ you said. And suddenly you threw the friendship bracelet that was taken away from him on the table. Loki immediately grabbed it and looked questioningly at you. The banging on the door was getting louder, but you seemed to ignore it. Suddenly you shot up and pressed some buttons of a device on your wrist. A door opened and you walked towards him, extending a hand.

‘What are you doing?’ he asked.

‘I said, I wanted to find you and I needed to know that the guy I once knew wasn’t entirely gone. Don’t go back on our deal, you owe me an explanation and a dance’ you smirked at him.

‘I thought you were working for them?’ Loki asked confused.

‘So did they. But I can see one thing hasn’t change, you are always the one to get us into trouble and I have to get us out of it. Are you coming?’ you said, still extending your hand.

Loki grabbed it and followed you towards the see-through door. The door on the other side of the room burst open and Mobius walked in with a lot of agents around him. ‘(Y/N), what are you doing?’ he roared.

Before Loki could do anything to protect you, you walked through the door and dragged him with you. The two of you were standing inside a house and the door closed behind him. In one hand he was holding the friendship bracelet tightly and in the other hand your hand. He didn’t want to let go of neither. To his surprise you pulled him towards you ‘I missed you’ you whispered before planting your lips on his. Loki was confused and still didn’t understand what was going on. But he couldn’t care less, he had you back and you were kissing him. Whatever was going to happen, he was finally happy after a long time.

Permanent taglist: @delightfulheartdream @theaudacitytowrite @the-best-phineas @pescadoavocado @theestorm @justacripple @taurusbeing

[fireladybuckley]

It Isn’t in my Blood

Fandom: 9-1-1 Prompt:  Inspired by @kitkatpancakestack‘s “what if Buck finds the pamphlet“ post Pairing: Implied future Buddie - Evan Buckley (Buck) x Eddie Diaz Word Count: 2,330 Summary:    SPOILERS - A 5x01 missing scene - Buck finds the pamphlet on anxiety and panic attacks given to him by the cardiologist at the hospital and encourages Eddie to tell him what happened. Eddie breaks down and admits that maybe not everything is okay.

Beta’d by @firemedicdiaz​ Thank you babe <3

Read it on Ao3

             “I’ll just be a minute, you staying here?”  Eddie asked, hopping out of the truck and looking over at Buck.

              “Sure, sounds good,” Buck said, yawning.  Eddie nodded and closed the door, hurrying up the sidewalk as Buck settled back in his seat.  It had been such a long, chaotic shift and Buck was exhausted; Eddie just had to drop off a form at Christopher’s school and then they were going for breakfast.  Buck figured he had time for a short nap and shut his eyes, but sleep wouldn’t come.

              After a while it became apparent that Eddie was going to be longer than he’d said, and Buck was getting restless.  He grew bored quite easily of late, so he began poking around Eddie’s truck - changing the radio station, fiddling with the air freshener.  Absently, Buck hit the button on the dashboard that opened the glove box in front of him and looked down into it, wondering if there were any travel brochures left in there from a previous road trip that he could look at.   Instead, he pulled out a very different kind of pamphlet that looked like it had been shoved in carelessly and as he read the front, his eyebrows contracted with a small frown.

              Understanding Anxiety and Panic Attacks - Recognize the Signs and Symptoms

              Underneath the pamphlet were a couple of folded sheets of paper.  Upon quick inspection, Buck saw that they were discharge papers from the hospital dated a few days earlier with Eddie’s name in the patient field.

              Buck’s heart squeezed painfully as he stared at the slightly crumpled papers and then back at the pamphlet, realizing what it must all mean.  Buck had been startled earlier in the shift when that doctor had called out to Eddie, but Eddie had been very resistant to talking about his trip to the hospital.  Buck had dropped it for the time being as they had been chaotically busy the entire shift, but he had always intended to grill Eddie about it later.  Now, he suddenly understood what must have happened.  He knew from experience how scary panic attacks could be, how they could feel like a heart attack, especially if a person had never had one before.  

              He remembered how uncomfortable Eddie had looked when Buck had tried to confront him.  Buck knew how much Eddie relied on everyone thinking he was this stoic, unmoving rock, because it allowed him to hide his feelings and keep everything bottled up.  Buck was well aware that he himself and Bobby were the only two people that Eddie ever opened up to, and it made Buck’s heart hurt as he considered how shaken up Eddie must have been by the whole incident to be so resistant to telling him about it.

              Buck sighed, wishing he had known, thinking about how he could try to help Eddie as he skimmed the pamphlet.  He wanted to help, hating the idea that Eddie could be going through this alone.  He distinctly remembered how Eddie had tried to drag Buck out of his horrible depression and anxiety after the fire truck had crushed his leg and he wanted to be there for Eddie in turn.  Buck knew that Eddie had Ana, but if Buck was right about their relationship, he suspected that Eddie would be uncomfortable talking to her about his emotions.  He’d always had the feeling that while Eddie clearly liked Ana and they got along well, their relationship wasn’t particularly deep and Buck knew that Eddie had to really trust someone before he would open up.

              Lost in his thoughts, Buck was still looking at the pamphlet in one hand, the discharge papers held loosely in the other, when Eddie returned.

              “Alright, that’s all done, let’s go t-- Buck, what the hell?”

              Buck jumped as the driver’s door opened and Eddie swung himself inside, only to freeze when he saw what Buck was holding and reading through.  Buck started to stammer as Eddie snatched the papers and pamphlet out of his hands and threw them back into the glove box, snapping it shut and staring straight ahead, his chest rising and falling quickly, his jaw set.

              “Eddie, I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop, I just found that in the glove box and I couldn’t help looking at it…”

              “It’s fine.  It’s nothing.”  Eddie’s voice was clipped, and Buck could tell he felt vulnerable and was not pleased about it.  

              “I mean, it’s not nothing,” Buck replied cautiously in a coaxing tone.  He hadn’t been planning on talking to Eddie about this before breakfast, but then there was no time like the present.    “Is this why you were in the hospital the other day?”

              Eddie shot him an annoyed look, because it was obvious that Buck had seen the discharge papers so the question was redundant, but then he sighed and nodded.

              “Yeah.  I’m fine though.”

              “Eddie… you’ve been through so much.  There’s no shame in having a panic attack--” Buck began, but Eddie started the truck and cut through his words sharply.

              “I don’t panic.”

              Buck frowned as Eddie pulled away from the curb and began to drive without saying another word.  Deciding to give him some space for a few so he could collect his thoughts, Buck stayed silent as they moved through the streets.   To his surprise, Eddie pulled up in front of Buck’s apartment building and parked, still looking straight ahead.

              “I… thought we were going for breakfast?”  Buck asked slowly, not sure what to expect.  Eddie seemed to steel himself, then glanced towards the building and shut off the truck.

              “I know you’re not going to let this go, and I don’t want to do it in public.  Let’s go up to your loft.”  

              Eddie’s voice was gruff, but Buck was grimly pleased that he wasn’t resisting.  Buck knew that Eddie knew Buck would not let this slide, would not let it rest until he was sure that Eddie was okay.  Taking his lead, Buck agreed and hopped out of the truck, following Eddie up to his building and then leading the way into his apartment.

              “Let’s get this over with,” Eddie said in a resigned voice as he moved into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, Buck pulling himself up and sitting on the counter across from him.  “What do you want to know?”

              “What happened?” Buck asked simply.  “I know you went to the hospital, you were seen by a cardiologist, and now you have a pamphlet on panic attacks.  What actually happened?”

              Eddie gnawed the inside of his lip, still refusing to look at Buck as he mulled over what to say.  He was staring at the lower part of the counter in front of him, Buck’s shoe dangling in his line of sight, though he wasn’t seeing much.  All he could see in his mind was that damn suit store, the feeling of the tightness in his chest making him feel claustrophobic and deeply uncomfortable.

              “I don’t know.  We were trying on suits, and then I just… collapsed.  I thought I was having a heart attack,” Eddie summarized it as succinctly as he could, but he knew it wasn’t going to be enough for Buck.

              “Okay, but what triggered that?” Buck asked, his voice gently prodding.  “Did something upset you, or…?”

              Eddie shifted uncomfortably, and Buck’s lips curled in a small, sad smile.  

              “Eddie, it’s just me.  You can talk to me.  You know you can trust me.  Please tell me what happened.”

              For a brief moment, Eddie lifted his eyes and met Buck’s gaze.  Buck’s expression was earnest, concerned, and Eddie knew he was right.  If there was anyone in this world he could trust, it was Buck.  Still, he hated talking about his emotions, especially ones he felt like he couldn’t control.  And yet, he felt like if he didn’t share it with someone he may explode because he was starting to seriously wonder what was going on in his brain.

              “I… you know I’m not good at this,” Eddie muttered, and Buck nodded.

              “I know, but… you were there for me when everything with my parents was going on.  You told me it was okay to feel what I was feeling, and to share it.  I want that for you, too,”  Buck told him gently, and Eddie sighed.  He felt like a hypocrite; he had told Buck those things, and he had meant it.  But for some reason when it came to himself, he had different rules.

              “The last time Chris and I wore suits was at Shannon’s funeral,” Eddie said, averting his gaze once more as he began to speak.  “I guess that was already putting me on edge.  I couldn’t stop thinking about her death and everything that had happened right before she died.  I just wanted to get out of there.”

              Eddie paused but Buck didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt.  Buck had a feeling that if Eddie stopped talking he wouldn’t start again so he waited patiently, keeping his mouth shut.

              “I think Chris was feeling it, too, but I was too distracted to notice.  And then… then the sales guy called Ana Chris’s mom.”

              Buck tilted his head to the side, looking over at Eddie, slightly confused.  Eddie and Ana had been together for nearly six months, it was only natural that at some point she would be mistaken for Chris’s mom.  But Eddie seemed shaken and Buck wasn’t sure he was going to continue.

              “What happened then?” Buck asked quietly, trying to gently prompt Eddie to speak again without spooking him.  Eddie had gotten a somewhat haunted look in his eyes and Buck could tell he was getting upset.  He was tempted to tell Eddie to stop, not wanting him to be distraught, but he sensed Eddie really needed to get it out there, so Buck would do everything he could to coax it out.

              “I- I genuinely don’t know,” Eddie said, shaking his head.  “Hearing that, it just… it intensified my thoughts about Shannon, and thinking of Ana as Chris’s mom is just - just so far beyond where we are in our relationship, and I- I…”

              Eddie was starting to get visibly upset and Buck slipped off the counter, moving over to stand beside him in case he needed support.

              “It made me realize that m-maybe I don’t want-- maybe things aren’t going so great, or something.  I don’t know.”

              “And then?” Buck prompted gently, feeling his heart break as Eddie glanced at him, clearly upset.

              “And then… I don’t know.  I don’t panic,” Eddie said stubbornly, though as he thought back to what had happened, he let out a long, unhappy sigh.  “But… I guess I panicked.  I don’t know.  I felt overwhelmed, and my chest got tight and I couldn’t breathe… I got really dizzy and fell over, I thought I was having a heart attack.”

              “Panic attacks can be really scary,” Buck told him, trying to reassure him.  “They can definitely feel like heart attacks.”

              “I don’t panic,” Eddie repeated, scowling at the floor.  “I never panic.  Not in the military, not when Shannon died, not when you nearly died several times…”

              “Eddie, you’ve been through a lot,” Buck reasoned, trying to brush off the last part of the sentence, as though it wasn’t a big deal to him that his near-death experiences were one of the things Eddie considered most upsetting.  “Do you think the shooting could be part of this?  Or is it just your relationship?”

              Eddie shifted uncomfortably again, not responding, and as Buck watched him, he saw tears start to pool in Eddie’s eyes, despite Eddie continually refusing to make eye contact.  

              “Are you okay?” Buck asked quietly, reaching out and touching him, gripping Eddie’s forearm lightly in a gesture of support.   This one little touch seemed to have caused him to come undone, however, and Buck saw his expression contort, his lips pressed together tightly as he tried and failed to stop himself crying.

              “No,” Eddie finally blurted out, seemingly completely against his will.  “No, I’m not okay.”

              Buck’s heart broke and he immediately reached out to embrace Eddie, giving him a chance to pull away if he wanted.  When he didn’t, Buck wrapped his arms around him and held him as Eddie choked into his shoulder, trying desperately to stop himself from outright sobbing.  It was rare that Buck had seen Eddie cry - he hadn’t seen it since Shannon’s death - and Buck wished he could take Eddie’s pain away, wished he could make the world right for him again.  

              After a few moments Eddie squirmed in his arms and Buck got the message that he was uncomfortable so he pulled away, but he didn’t go far.  Eddie seemed determined to not meet his gaze, furiously wiping at his eyes, and Buck gently rubbed his back, sensing that he really wanted comfort but was trying to stop himself from allowing it.  They stood like that for a while, until Eddie’s attempts at stopping his tears dissolved and he took a shaky breath, letting them slip down his cheeks as he pulled himself together.

              “It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.  You’re going to get through this,” Buck told him, his hand stilling in the middle of Eddie’s back.  “And I’m gonna help you get through it, if that’s what you want.”

              Eddie swallowed, sniffing, as he listened to Buck speak.  He’d always gone through things alone.  He’d always thought that was the best way to do it.  But in that moment, standing there, knowing he had Buck’s full love and support behind him, Eddie started to wonder if maybe having Buck at his side would be a much better option than going it alone.   Eddie nodded slowly, glancing at Buck for a moment before looking away, nodding again.

              “Yeah,” Eddie took a shaky breath and looked over at Buck, feeling the tiniest flicker of hope in his heart.  “That’s what I want.”

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[petite-ely]

Afraid // JJ Maybank

Seven- Mommy Issues

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem routledge! reader

Warnings: mommy issues, mother abandonment, anger, maybe some mistakes, tell me if I missed anything

Description: y/n has always wanted answers about her mother, but the truth seems more harsh than what she had in mind.

A/n : hello, hello friends. Sorry for not updating sooner. I had absolutely no inspiration, lol. Anyways, hope you enjoyyyy! :) (also I know the gif is terrible quality but I really wanted to put this clip and I couldn’t find any cleaner option to make a gif)

Previously

Afraid Masterlist

Song recommendation

Gif made by me!

As a child, y/n never realized how her family was different than the others. A lot of kids on the cut had single parents, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Her mom had left when she was only three, to go pursue her dream job in Colorado. It wasn’t a bad thing in the girl’s eyes. It didn’t feel like she was missing out on anything.

As she blossomed into adolescence, y/n finally understood how unconventional her family was. She heard the other girls at her school talk about their mothers. About the cakes they made or the precious moments they spent together. Mother-daughter bonding moments. She had to admit it she felt jealous. Or maybe was it envious?

She had lived all her life without a mother to kiss her scraped knees or braid her hair before going to sleep. And she would have given anything to experience it, even for one single night.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her brother or her father, far from it, she adored them. They were both so precious to her. Still, she felt as if something was missing from her. Or more like someone.

She didn’t remember her mother, she was so young at the time, but she cherished the stories her father had told her. She fed her imagination on these stories. Making up fake memories where her mother was still there. In her heart it was all real. Reality was bitter compared to the sweet comfort of her imagination.

By the time she was 12, she’d heard the famous story enough to know it by heart, each word of the letter engraved into her head. She begged her father again and again. She wanted more stories, even the smallest anecdotes, she wanted to hear them all. Anything to improve the sketch, constantly redrawn, of the woman she didn’t remember. The woman she couldn’t really call a mother.

She knew the story by heart and yet it felt incomplete. She’d heard enough fairytales and read enough books to know when a story was complete. This one wasn’t.

And she was right.

A week after the twins’s 13th birthday, their dad gathered them around the kitchen table. He wanted to talk. It was very important. Y/n had to admit, this was quite strange, as her father was never the one to bring up important issues. In front of him was placed an envelope, yellowed with the years.

The girl knew this envelope all too well. Every scratch, every little bump, she could almost feel them on the tip of her fingers. It was her mother’s letter. This time, when he pulled out the folded pages, a third paper came out. The missing part.

Big John didn’t say anything, only slid the pearl white sheet to the twins. And though no words came out of his mouth, a million could be seen in his gaze. He wore an unfamiliar expression on his face. It was mix of sadness, fear and regrets. It was the expression of a man who only wanted to protect his children from being hurt.

The missing paper read as so:

“This is my dream, John.

And I know you might think there’s a way for us to fix this, but there isn’t. This time you can’t fix it.

When I got pregnant with the kids, I was so scared. And when I told you, I saw this glimmer in your eyes. This flame suddenly being lit inside of you. You were so excited to have your first child and it was twins! You seemed so happy. It was beautiful.

Then I thought that maybe we could do this, maybe I could be a mother. I had you, so everything would be fine. My friends kept talking about this amazing connection that felt with their babies when they were carrying them. But I never felt it with the twins.

And I thought that maybe once I held them in my arms I would finally feel it. That motherly connection. It never came. And I tried, John. I tried so hard. But I just can’t.

I do love them, I love them so much, but not the way you do. Not the way a parent loves their child It can’t do it, I’m sorry. I wasn’t meant to be a mother. Life is cruel that way sometimes.

If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that you were meant for this. I can see it in the way you look at them. You can do this, John. I know.

Be the parent I will never be able to be.”

Y/n’s curious eyes scanned the paper excitedly. Her face showed a variety of emotions in the span of a few minutes. First, excitement and joy, then, confusion and finally, anger. The tip of her ears burned red, her hand shaking beneath the table.

John B. placed the paper on the table, a loud sigh escaping his lips. Though, compared to his sister, he seemed relatively calm.

Y/n couldn’t contain it anymore. She stormed out of the house, her feet shoeless and her shoulders bare. She had no idea where she was going, but she ran.

It didn’t matter. As long as she was going somewhere. As long as she was moving and running, then she wouldn’t have to think. And if she was thinking, then her mind would take her to a bad place. She didn’t want to go there. So she ran.

The Routledges were never reputed to be angry people, much less violent. They were generally very calm, maybe a bit arrogant, but always composed. Of course, when a Routledge was after something, they would do anything in order to obtain it.

But y/n was one of the exception. She was the first Routledge woman in nearly 150 years. For generations, every Routledge man had sons, who had sons, who had sons until her father. He had a son and a daughter.

She wasn’t an angry person or mean in any way. On the contrary, she was kind and gentle. But compared to her brother and her dad, she felt emotions deeply.

And maybe it was her mother’s side and not the Routledge in her. It was so intense, sometimes. Almost blinding, at some moments. It was like the emotions took over her. It didn’t happen very often but it felt like she didn’t control her body anymore.

When she finally came back to her senses, y/n was standing on an empty beach. She hadn’t realized how far she’d gotten until she felt the warm sand under her feet. A cold breeze wrapped itself around her shoulders. She was so far from home. And so alone.

She walked to the ocean, letting her toes dip gently into the water. The water was cold but calming. Her anger slowly disappeared with each breath she took, until finally she could see everything clearly again.

Y/n turned away. She thought of going back home, when a wave of emotions hit her. She fell to the ground. It was like the air had been sucked out of her lungs.

Her chest burned, she felt like she had swallowed fire. Her shoulders shook and loud sobs escaped her lips. She dug her hands into the sand, trying to ground herself. It didn’t stop her tears from crashing onto her shirt.

A shadow appeared in front of her and she recognized its shape in a matter of seconds. It could only be one person.

“Are you hear to laugh at me?” She said through tears.

“No, not this time,” said John B. He sat down beside her, his eyes looking into hers. “Oh, y/n.” He wiped the tears off of her face

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “It’s just that, that,” he placed his arm around her shoulder, she took a deep breath. “Part of me always thought that she would come back.”

“That she’d come stay with us and finally be our mom. But she’s never coming back, ever,” her tone was almost accusing. “I lost so much time making up scenarios for her and she doesn’t even love us.”

“You know that’s not true,” reasoned John.

“Yeah, but it feels like it.”

“We don’t need her anyway,” stated the boy. “We’ve got dad, surfing, plenty of fish and well, each other. It’s not that bad is it?”

“No, you’re right.” She looked at him. “I just feel like I’m missing out on something. Like I’m,” she paused, looking for the right word, “incomplete.”

“I get it. If the roles were reversed and dad wasn’t there, I guess I would feel that way too,” confided her brother. “But don’t give her this much power. She doesn’t get to make you feel this way. You’re whole on your own, y/n/n.”

“Thank you, bird.” She slid her arm around his shoulder, letting her head rest on top of it. “You know, you can be an amazing brother sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“Hey, bird?” “Yeah?”

“How did you find me, anyway?”

“You always come here when you wanna be dramatic.”

“I do not!”

“You so do!”

And slowly, the imaginary memories fell apart and disappeared. Y/n didn’t need them anymore. She’d be better in the real world.

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