#there was a third one and only THEN did they show a tutorial on how to slide through under them...

[relto]

it has occurred to me that they literally give you a crossbow with tranq bolts, so you can, yk, not get cornered by 4 or 5 watch guys eager for the glory of capturing the escaped assassin themself. now i want to redo the sewer sequence.

[rhyrhy]

Kiss the chef

[warnings]: chef! Abby, unserious, suggestive mentions, headcannons, wc 1k , part 2

Chef! Abby’s! first viral video was around a year ago. A simple clip of her making cacio e pepe. The video was beautifully shot, a warm coloring complementing the glossy dish. but what really got everyone’s attention?

The way her forearms tensed while she cracked fresh pepper. Veins showing themselves along her freckled skin. Comments often reading:

@ “ok but how do i get the pasta to look this good?”

@ “i have something to say but i want to go to college”

@ “ma’am, i’m trying to focus but your ARMS?????😣”

@ “looks SO good💕..and the food i guess”

Chef Abby! had always loved cooking, growing up in a kitchen with her dad, who ran The Cordova, one of downtown Washington’s finest restaurants. But she liked the no pressure vibe of TikTok—just her and her food. She decided she wouldn’t show her face much, if at all. Letting the small flex of her muscles when she kneaded dough into a floured surface be the main visual. While comments? They were only half focused on what she was making.

Naturally, her account gained traction. No face, no voice—just hands, muscles, and literal food porn. Every video felt like a Sunday afternoon in a kitchen. @buffandbasil, now sat at 2.5 million followers.

Chef Abby! tried to ignore the thirst in her comments. How could she? It was honestly a small ego boost, even if it was a bit over the top at times. Like the second pinned video on the top of her page—where all she was doing was making bread.

@ : “knead ME like that.”

@ : “both lips are smiling rn”

@: “need her to bake something in me, respectfully😇“

@: “we need to chill in the comments… *saves video*”

Chef Abby! wasn’t a huge fan of putting her face in her videos. However, the occasional face slip would happen. A quick shot of her golden hair in view or a reflection in a clean pan.

The third and final pinned video? The one sitting at a few million views and a comment section that out-ratioed it?

Her hair draped over a fitted black Henley shirt, the top button undone. Sleeves rolled up to her elbows. And when she reached up for something overhead in a cabinet? A small sliver of her torso—those abs?

Yeah. They lost it.

@ “niagara falls just relocated”

@ “MY CLOTHES, WHERE’D THEY GO!!?!”

@ “her strap drags, for sure. touches the floor.”

@^ “mind you, i would take it.😊”

@ ^^ “y’all are TOO freaked out 💀”

And trust—Chef Abby! loved it. Really. Laying in bed, straight cackling on FaceTime with her best friend Manny, sending him screenshots or full-blown screen sharing. She didn’t reply. Not really. But she absolutely posted a few videos after. No shirt, just her “Kiss the Chef” apron and vibes.

And the one time she did reply?

@: “Do you do weddings?”

@buffandbasil :“Yes, actually.”

Harmless, right? Simple. Straightforward. She had catered weddings before. Large events, alongside her father, but—

@: “As… the bride?”

She saw it exactly three minutes after posting her reply. And in those three minutes, her comment had already tripled in likes. The replies? A war zone.

@ “ANSWER THE QUESTION!”

@ “HELLO???????”

@ “bro air balled.”

@ “ok so u free next saturday or???”

She paid it no mind. Mostly. But sometimes, a few profiles caught her attention. She was human, after all. Chef Abby! had seen your likes. You didn’t know it yet.

For you? It was originally just another cringe or brain rot video being sent by your roommate, Dina. But when you clicked the video of @buffandbasil all laughter halted. Typing back—

You: “Dee, hear me out..😭”

Dina: “Oh my god. OH MY GOD. Lost the plot.”

Chef Abby! considered reciprocating the engagement but saw how many views you usually received on GRWMs and storytimes and decided on a more… exciting approach. Wanting to see if you’d bite.

No aesthetic instrumentals—this time, a voiceover. Her voice, soft, steady Tutorial style.

“So today, we’re making sourdough from scratch. You wanna make sure your starter is active, and then we’re gonna knead it—”

@: “OH SHE TALKS???”

@: “it’s all over the screen ngl 🌊”

@: “asmr videos when?”

@: “great now i have a crush on a faceless chef, thanks.”

@: “I’m ovulating rn please chill 💔💔”

But the only comment she was looking for? Yours.

@ you: “Me next🫦!”

You typed it. And went to bed. She had so many comments—she probably wouldn’t even see it.

But as the sun poured through your curtains the next morning, your stomach flipped. A notification.

Followed by @buffandbasil. 2 hours ago.

Legs swinging the blankets off, then you were sprinting down the hall, launching yourself onto Dina’s bed like a feral animal let loose.

She groaned, blindly swatting at you. “Dude, what the—”

Without another word, you shoved your phone in her face. Dina squinted, blinked a few times, then—loud, cackling.

“Dee. This isn’t a ‘hear me out’ anymore—this is a hold me back.” You said, falling next to her dramatically, smiling.

Dina wheezed, shaking her head. “Nah. You are in the sunken place now, sister.”

[jnw1813]

Courtship

The many ways Conquest courts you, feat. Viltrumite headcanons. No warnings except mentions of violence and a dead moose.

Upon coming to the startling realisation that he saw you as mate material and wanted you that way, Conquest had been mentally reviewing all previous interactions, seeing them in a new light.

And now that he officially lived with you, he needed to take things up a notch and properly court you. How else was he supposed to get you to agree to be his mate?

… which was easier said than done. See, Viltrumite courtship rituals– back when Viltrumites still courted each other to have partners and not just to mate– are… specific and hard to do when one half of the courting pair… can't do them.

Viltrumite courtship rituals have changed throughout the ages before falling out of favour, as even the simple act of having a committed partner to rely on and be loyal to was deemed a weakness– something about how it would cause attachment, which, obviously. But before they did, however, there were a good few steps to proper courtship.

The first step was, of course, making one's intentions known. This was done bluntly and honestly.

—

"What's the term humans use when they're seeing each other romantically, again?" Conquest asks abruptly.

"Dating." You answer simply, still doing your own thing.

He hums, nods, then says, "I want to date you."

You choke on your spit.

—

Hold their opponent down for a full twenty-five minutes,

The second step was– not all that surprising, really– battle. If a Viltrumite was going to take someone as a partner, they needed to make sure who they'd potentially be mating with wasn't a complete and utter weakling. And so a duel would occur from sunrise to sunset, the two Viltrumites giving it their all. If the approaching person (the one who proposed the courtship in the first place) managed to:

Knock them unconscious,

Break all their limbs,

or

then they'll have proved their strength to the other and everyone else.

—

Which, obviously, Conquest couldn't do with you.

He looked at you as he mulled it over, eyeing your arms, your legs, eye sweeping over other parts calculatingly.

If Conquest even flicked you on the forehead, you'd die.

Yeah, battling is off the table.

It's not like he needed to prove his strength to you anyway.

—

The third step was more common and expected: acts of service, proof they could provide to their mate, and future young. Back before Viltrumites just took what they wanted from each other and only mated for offspring, this was a necessary step as, even then, it was every Viltrumite for themselves (except when it came to outside 'threats'– then the whole empire would unite). So, this show of effort and care meant a lot. Especially since, again, back then, Viltrumite couples did stay together for the agreed upon duration– which could just be until their offspring grew to adulthood or even go on indefinitely. It depended on the couple, truly.

—

And this was the step you had fulfilled immaculately since the very beginning. Caring, polite, providing for him, talking to him and hearing, listening to what he was truly saying; the food you fed him as rich as ambrosia, the moments of play and fun as fulfilling as staining his fists with the blood of a strong enemy, the simple moments of domestic bliss simply spent in one another's vicinity easing something cold in his chest.

Yes, you've fulfilled your end of this courtship ritual and have proven yourself more than worthy of him.

Now it's time Conquest proves himself worthy of you.

The thing about Conquest is that he's a quick learner. Sure, he's better at adapting to a fight and learning a new opponent's physiology and abilities than anything else, but in the end, it's all the same.

He sees. He learns. He adapts. Not always in that order, but you get the point.

So when you complain about your tap leaking? He looks up tutorials online– the human's Internet being one of the more impressive parts of their technology if he's being honest. So much stuff, and it's not even all useful!– and, once you've left the house, he gets to work.

Gentle, he reminds himself, gentle. He uses a scanner he'd retrieved from his ship (hiding on the dark side of the moon for the time being) to find exactly where the issue was and then assess it himself. A simple fix, from what he's researched.

It's fixed in less than ten minutes. He almost finds himself disappointed, for some reason having expected it to be more difficult, to require more strength, to not need such a delicate touch from him.

Hmm.

He goes in search of more things to do.

The house has a fireplace; he spends a good twenty minutes outside chopping wood for it. He finds he likes the feel of an axe in his hands, even if he can do it with his bare hands. It's oddly fun and satisfying.

You have a few bird feeders hanging around, so he tops them up. Then he checks your garden, plucking a grasshopper off of your young lemon tree. He flicks it into space. Then, almost humiliatingly, he finds himself tidying up. Even as he makes sure your home is clean and warm for your return, he wants more. This isn't enough! These are common tasks! Not fit for courtship!

But what else is there? As much as he's learned about you and humans in general so far, there is still so much he doesn't know. And how can he appropriately prove himself if he doesn't know what you lack for?

But Viltrumites are blunt. Viltrumites are straightforward. Viltrumites aren't cowards.

Conquest ain't a damn coward.

So he asks.

"C'mon, darlin'." He exhales in frustration. "There must be something you want! You've been doing all sorts of things for me. Let me do something for you now!"

You'd already rejected his offer a few times, claiming you had all you needed and that you couldn't ask him for anything.

Pah, humans and their customs! What, did you feel guilty at the thought of asking for something? At the possibility of being a burden? You were going to be his mate, ask him for stardust for all he cares! He'll get it for you, just– please, ask him to do something, anything!

Conquest hates feeling useless. And that's how he feels right now. Because despite how you thank him, despite how praises fall from your lips and make his heart ache, it's not enough. He doesn't just want to make you happy with these acts. He wants to awe you. He wants to surprise you. He wants to shock you.

He feels frustrated that he just can't. He wants to hit something, but shockingly, doesn't want you to see it, see him, as a brute. So he swallows his frustration and thinks.

What can he do for you that you can't refuse, that'll mean the world to you, that'll prove he's the perfect mate for you?

The answer comes when you make a random comment under your breath about how much everything costs. It makes something ding! in his brain and Conquest is quick to go, leaving you with a quick promise he'd be back soon and a brief kiss on your head.

Oh-ho, this was going to be perfect! He was damn near giggling with how excited he was! Flying into deep space, he shot off, eager to fix this little issue human society had forced upon all its people.

Within the human's own solar system were quite a few planets with some interesting things to be found. Such as gemstones. More specifically, diamonds.

Rare and expensive on earth, but on Neptune and Uranus?

Conquest grinned, beginning to collect some at random. Oh, you'd be so happy!

—

A few hours later, you stared at the large clump with wide eyes, stunned.

"I…"

Conquest preened.

"This enough to have you living comfortably?" He asks, like he didn't just deliver five diamonds the size of bowling balls to your house.

"... yeah." You said, feeling faint. "Yeah, this– yeah." You say, voice sounding high and pinched. God, this– you needed to be careful, lest you crash the economy!

While you were worrying, Conquest just looked proud, all puffed up and feeling satisfied he'd dealt with such a big issue for you.

—

While you figured out how to sell the diamond (only one) without crashing the economy, Conquest sought out other ways to impress his mate-to-be. 

He got his answer while checking the food supply.

Sifting through your freezer, he finds it lacking in meat. There's a bunch of pre-made meals, packets of vegetables, and way too much ice cream, but not a lot of meat.

Conquest seeks to fix that.

Which leads to you coming outside after hearing a loud thud, and nearly shrieking in surprise because there's a fucking dead moose on your doorstep.

Your eyes are wide as you look from the carcass to your… something.

"Conquest! What the actual fuck." 

He stood with his hands on his hips, looking proud. "What? Don't you like meat?" He asks, gesturing to the body and– and…

You sigh. "Yes, but… God, is this even legal? I'm not sure hunting moose is fine…" Not that there were any moose near where you lived. Just how far had he gone to hunt for you? If it wasn't so shocking, you'd be flattered.

…

No, you were definitely flattered. How could you not be, when Conquest had spent the last week doing so much for you?

Conquest watched you patiently as you clearly mulled something over. His expression softened a bit as you walked past his newest gift, coming to a stop before him.

He arched his brow, heart oddly speeding up. "Darlin'?" He asks, uncharacteristically soft. But he was getting used to it, getting used to the way he was beginning to soften his hard edges for you, make himself something more than just a weapon of conquest.

He was moulding himself into the perfect mate for you, somebody that actually deserved you, even if it was difficult for him to do so.

You break the silence, shifting your weight from foot to foot, looking up at him with those mesmerising eyes of yours.

"You said you wanted to date me. Is everything you've been doing a form of… courtship?" You ask, needing to be sure; needing it to be stated plainly.

He inclines his head. "They have been, yes."

You take a breath, feeling… unbalanced, flustered in a way you haven't been before. You've never…

"Well then." With a smile, you reach for his hand, bringing it up to your lips. Pressing a kiss to his knuckles, you give him a soft look, hoping you convey your growing affection for this alien man clearly. "I accept."

Conquest's expression becomes one of sheer joy and pride, grin wide and happy. You shouldn't be surprised when he picks you up and hugs you, but you are, yelping as he (gently) squeezes you.

Laughing, you hug him back, not expecting a display of affection like that from him, but… maybe you've had more of an effect on him than you initially thought.

"Though… please don't bring me any more dead things." You tell him with a slight grimace. "The grocery store is literally five minutes away."

Conquest practically purred when he hummed in response. "No promises."

You sigh. "I'm dating a damn cat." You mutter, idly wondering how you're going to deal with his 'gift' to you.

Hopefully Conquest knew how to field dress animals. You certainly did not.

[jerryandersonsdaughterinlaw]

wholesome / soft!abby learning how to do things simply because she loves you. (modern au) ✿

━━━━━━━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━━━━━━━━

It was late, just past midnight and the apartment had gone still. You had gone to bed an hour ago, after gently insisting Abby didn't need to stay up finishing the laundry.

But Abby had stayed up anyway.

Not because of laundry.

Because earlier that evening, while brushing your hair out after a shower, you had said offhandedly,

"I've always wanted to learn how to do a proper French braid, but I can never get the hand placement right."

You hadn't meant it as a request. Just one of those things people say when they're sleepy and relaxed, idly untangling their hair in the glow of lamplight.

But it had stuck in Abby's chest in that quiet, persistent way things did when they mattered.

And now she was sitting on the living room rug, her laptop open in front of her, a tutorial video paused on a smiling woman holding a mannequin head.

Abby's fingers were wrapped awkwardly around a sad-looking practice braid made from yarn she'd pulled out of an old craft box. Her brows were knit together in deep focus.

"Under, over... no-under again? Shit."

She rewound the video, watching the woman's hands again. Her own hands were big, too clumsy, and this yarn was too slippery, but she was determined. You deserved something soft.

Something delicate. Something that said, I listen. I care. I want to do this for you.

Eventually, after the third or fourth video and countless redos, she got the rhythm. Her fingers started to move with more confidence, more grace.

It still wasn't perfect, but it looked like something.

Like effort. Like love.

She stared down at the wonky braid, a quiet smile tugging at her lips.

A shadow appeared in the hallway- you, sleepy and wrapped in a blanket, blinking at the light.

"Abs? What are you doing?"

Abby froze. "I-nothing. Go back to bed."

You pad closer, crouching beside her and squinting at the yarn.

"..Is that a braid?"

Abby rubbed the back of her neck, sheepish. "I was... practicing. You said you never learned, so l thought-maybe I could. So I can do it for you."

You stared at her for a beat too long, eyes glassy with the kind of affection that makes your chest ache.

Then you leaned forward and kissed her-soft, sleepy, so full of warmth it almost hurt.

"You're ridiculous," you murmured against Abby's lips.

𓂃₊ ⊹

Later that same week, you walked into the living room to find Abby half-inside the laundry closet, surrounded by the scattered innards of the dryer.

"Should I be worried?" you asked, setting your keys down.

Abby's voice echoed from inside the machine.

"Only mildly. It was making that squeaky noise again. I watched like, five repair videos. I think it's just the belt."

You squint at her. "You hate mechanical stuff."

"Yeah, well. You said you hate calling repair guys even more." Abby slid out, grease smudged across her cheek. "Figured I'd try."

You crossed your arms, trying not to smile. "I’m starting to think you can fix anything."

Later that night, the dryer spun without a sound, just the hum of warm air and fresh laundry.

There were no grand declarations. No elaborate gestures.

Just glue, orbit wires, a silenced squeaky dryer, and the quiet, steady rhythm of loving someone by showing up - over and over again.

[krystalsturns]

even line my lips just to match my nipples - c.s.

fem!reader x friend!chris

smut

-

“even line my lips just to match my nipples, leave me alone bitch i wanna have fun,” the sound spills from your phone as you replay the tiktok you just posted for the third time, maybe fourth. you’re lounging in front of your vanity, lips parted slightly as you admire the way you moved. slow, confident, a little teasing, while tracing that deep mauve liner around your mouth. the color did match your nipples, and the smug little smirk you flashed at the end of the video made it very clear you knew exactly what you were doing.

your phone keeps buzzing. likes, comments, reposts. the video’s blowing up faster than you expected. a few girls are asking for the lip liner shade. a few guys are clearly not watching for the makeup tutorial.

you toss your phone onto the vanity with a grin, leaning in to blend out your highlighter, still glowing from the reaction. but then, a new buzz. different vibration. not tiktok. you glance over.

chris sent you a message.

you open it, curious.

he sent you your own video.

and under it:

chris

i would do insane things to find out if it actually matched.

you snort, covering your mouth with your hand. there’s no way. no way that message was meant for you. it’s bold. too bold. your fingers type quickly, giggling.

y/n

wrong person? 😭

he replies almost instantly.

chris

oh my god.

you laugh even harder, heat blooming on your cheeks. poor chris. he must be mortified. and yet… you feel that familiar little thrill in your chest. you’ve always had a tiny, inconvenient crush on him. never acted on it. but now? now he’s basically handed you the perfect opening.

you bite your lip, rereading his message, then type out a response before you can talk yourself out of it.

y/n

it does match btw.

find out for yourself ;)

a pause. then:

chris

you’re fucking with me.

y/n

nopee 🙃

chris

i’m coming over rn.

your heart stutters. you drop your phone, suddenly very aware of how little time you have. you finish your makeup in record speed, lashes curled, glossed lips perfect. then you scramble to your closet, tugging on a soft little outfit. something cute, easy to take off. you smooth it down with a shaky breath just as there’s a knock at the door. three, firm and fast.

you open it.

chris is standing there, hair a mess like he ran a hand through it a thousand times on the way over. eyes locked on yours, burning with curiosity and something heavier.

you lean against the doorframe, cocking your head. “sooo… who was that text really for?” you ask, voice lilting, playful.

he rolls his eyes and steps inside like he owns the place. “matt,” he mutters.

you blink. “matt?!”

he shrugs, looking suddenly sheepish. “yeah. but… now i really wanna know.”

his gaze drops, lingering at your lips. and lower.

you smile slow, “guess you’ll have to work for it.”

he takes one slow, deliberate step toward you, eyes locked on yours like you’re the only thing in the room worth seeing. his hands find your waist, fingers pressing in as he pulls you flush against him, bodies fitting together like they were meant to. his voice drops, thick with something between awe and lust.

“i would’ve never fucking guessed i ever had any chance with you.”

he looks at you like you’re some kind of forbidden treasure he’s finally allowed to touch. it sends a little spark down your spine. you tilt your head, lips quirking in a teasing smile, eyes glittering.

“so…” you purr softly, dragging a finger along his chest, “you gonna show me those insane things you’d do to find out?”

his pupils blow wide, that look in his eyes turning dark and dangerous in the best way. before you can blink, he’s leaning in fast, crashing his mouth against yours. the kiss is hot, unfiltered, a little messy. all teeth and tongue and want. like he’s been starving for you and finally got a taste.

you let out a quiet, breathy moan as he walks you backward without breaking the kiss, every step sending you deeper into the moment. then your back hits the wall. hard enough to feel it, not enough to hurt. your gasp escapes into his mouth, and he smiles into the kiss like he loves it, like he needs to hear that again.

one of his hands slides up, rough and sure, until he’s gripping your jaw, fingers holding you in place as he tilts your head back. and then he’s moving. his lips trailing along your jaw, then down your neck, kissing and sucking, his breath hot against your skin. he’s careful, but just barely. no marks, but you feel every second of it.

you arch into him, hips twitching forward like your body’s got its own agenda. your hands find the hem of his shirt, tugging with a silent question he answers instantly. he pulls back just long enough to yank it over his head and toss it aside.

your fingers barely get a second to explore the warm skin of his chest before he’s reaching for you too. eyes asking permission, but his hands already at the edge of your top. you nod, heart pounding, and then it’s gone too.

you stand there for a second, chest rising and falling fast, both of you half-dressed and completely breathless.

his gaze drops, shameless and slow, drinking in the sight of your bare chest. his eyes linger on your nipples. hard, needy from the cool air and the heat rolling off him. he bites down on his bottom lip, teeth sinking in as his hand grazes lightly down your side, stopping just short of touching.

then his eyes flick back up to your face, full of something warm and wicked. they pause at your lips. still perfectly lined, just a little smudged from kissing. he smirks.

“you didn’t lie,” he murmurs, voice low and teasing, like a secret meant just for you. his smile is lazy, pleased, a little smug.

you giggle, soft and breathless, heat crawling up your neck. “told you it matched,” you whisper, biting your own lip now, playful.

he leans in, lips hovering close, nose brushing yours, fingers finally brushing over your nipple like he’s testing the truth for himself. “yeah,” he murmurs, barely audible, “i can see that.”

you shiver at his touch, and the way he looks at you makes it feel like your whole body’s under a spotlight. admired, wanted, devoured slowly with his eyes.

he crashes into your lips again, hungrier this time, like kissing you is the only thing that matters. his hands roam, greedy and firm, like he’s still trying to convince himself this is real. he shifts, sliding one leg between yours, pressing his thigh right against your heat. firm, deliberate. the friction sends a soft gasp tumbling from your mouth, and he swallows it eagerly, deepening the kiss.

“fuck, y/n,” he mutters against your lips, voice thick and strained like he’s holding back. like he’s on the edge and you’re the one keeping him there.

your hands are already working at the button of his jeans, fumbling just a little from how badly you want this. want him. you push his jeans and boxers down in one motion, and when his length springs free, your breath catches in your throat. he’s bigger than you expected. thick, hard, flushed at the tip. you don’t even try to hide the way you stare.

his lips pull into a smug, crooked grin. “like what you see?”

you hum, eyes flicking up to meet his, playful. “guess i underestimated you.”

he lets out a low, dark chuckle as his hands move to your waistband, yanking your pants and underwear down in one quick tug. then he grabs the back of your thighs, hoisting you up effortlessly. “jump,” he says, voice dripping confidence.

you do, wrapping your legs around his waist as he presses you against the wall. the cold of it makes you shiver, but he’s so warm, so solid, you barely notice. your arms loop around his shoulders, fingers tangling in his hair.

you reach between your bodies, guiding his length to your folds. your touch is slow, teasing, slick with anticipation. he watches you, wide-eyed and dazed, like he’s never seen anything more beautiful. he groans low as the head of his cock slides against you, then gently pushes inside, inch by inch.

he never looks away.

his eyes stay locked on yours, watching every flicker of your expression, every soft gasp that falls from your lips as he fills you up completely. the stretch is deep, intense, toeing the line between pleasure and overwhelming. but you take it. you want it.

once he’s all the way in, buried to the hilt, he stills for a beat. just enough for the two of you to breathe, to feel. then he starts to move, slow at first, but with purpose. each thrust sending your body gently into the wall, each roll of his hips pulling a quiet moan from your throat.

“you feel so fucking good,” he groans, pressing his forehead to yours, sweat already starting to gather at his temple.

your nails dig into his back just a little, dragging downward as he picks up the pace. steady, deep, relentless. your whole body is wrapped around him, clinging to him like he’s the only thing holding you together.

because right now, he kind of is.

it doesn’t take long before that familiar heat coils low in your belly, winding tighter with every deep thrust. your breath starts to hitch, soft little moans spilling from your lips as your body begins to tremble.

“chris.. fuck, i… i’m so close,” you gasp, voice barely a whisper against his skin. “faster.”

he doesn’t even pause. his grip on your thighs tightens, and he starts to fuck into you harder, faster. each thrust hitting deeper, rougher, the sound of skin on skin echoing through the room. your head falls forward onto his shoulder, forehead pressed into the crook of his neck, lips parted, eyes rolling back.

you can’t even think straight, words spilling out of you in broken, breathy sounds, none of them making any sense. it hits you hard, sharp and sweet all at once. your body spasming around him as you reach your peak, legs shaking, nails digging into his back.

“oh my god,” you whimper, voice barely audible, completely wrecked.

he groans low in your ear, breath hot and ragged. “fuck, y/n… i’m gonna cum,” he chokes out. and then it happens, just as the words leave his mouth. his hips jerk forward with one last thrust, deep and desperate, and he moans loudly into your neck, fingers digging into your thighs like he needs to anchor himself to reality.

he stays inside you for a moment, still moving just a little slower now, more tender. riding out the last few pulses of pleasure. then finally, with a shaky breath, he pulls out, chest rising and falling fast.

his forehead rests against your shoulder, his whole weight leaning into you, pressing your back deeper into the wall. he lets out a breathy little laugh, still catching his breath.

“that was…” you start, voice dazed and warm, “fucking amazing.”

he lifts his head, lips brushing your cheek as he grins. “to say the least,” he murmurs, laughing softly, still breathless. his hands slide gently down your sides, no rush, like he’s not quite ready to let go.

neither are you.

-

inspired by: @delilahsturniolo

(this is all my original work. all characters and actions are fictional. don’t steal, copy, or repost this work without my knowledge and consent. reblogs and love is appreciated.)

[simplydnp]

WAD: Cover Art

dan is still working on selling the distribution rights for We're All Doomed! so i decided to make some DVD/Blu-ray disc jacket art!

this is my attempt at a traditional jacket design! none of the images used are mine, but i did create the concept and design:

as i was making the first one for myself, i was struck by the fact that 'well, it's for me, so it doesn't have to look like a stereotypical jacket cover' which led me to be more artsy in my approach for the next one:

i was really enjoying the creativity and space to explore, so i went looking for more inspiration for a third design. this led me to dan's favourite Muse album: Origin of Symmetry, which i paid homage to:

after the first Muse album, i looked at their catalogue to see if there was more inspiration there. i was just thankful dan's favourite was easy stylistically to mimic, unlike say, 2009's The Resistance...

thank you @danielhowell for the inspiration!

nerdy stuff & reference pics below the cut!

General notes

i don't know how to use photoshop! i entirely brute-forced my way through the whole project, and the only tutorial i looked up was for the gradient text in the 4th cover

this wasn't even the original project i was working on! you'll eventually get to see that though

and this one also inspired art for the disc itself so stay tuned 👀

i will do anything for authenticity so these are Full of intentional details

matching fonts is a nightmare

the traditional cover

took the longest, as it was the first.

the barcode numbers are the date of the first video he uploaded on dinof, and the last tour show date (in m/d/y)

i changed 'iceland' to 'poland' on the front cover, as he never actually went to iceland, and poland wasn't ever on the list even though he did go there

the orange may look a little off-center in the front, but these designs need to include space for a spine between the front and back cover, i promise it's right 😂

the black and white cover

inspired by the 'i want to believe' aliens poster

the cover art comes from his metal band merch shirt design

i had to manually shrink the text, line by line, and ensure it all lined up on the back!

i even made the logos on the back greyscale

the Muse: Origin of Symmetry cover

a shockingly perfect style for a WAD cover. i'm so glad i used the cubes, even if they couldn't be orange.

there's some versions of the art online where the sky is even more orange and it baffles me how i haven't seen any parallels like this before

the Muse: The Resistance cover

this cover was never supposed to see the light of day! i meant it when i said i was grateful i didn't have to try to adapt this complex design... and yet, i tried anyway.

i did all the grid lines by hand, including the jagged/broken edge parts, shading each section, and then drawing every star.

the hardest part was getting the gradient on the back text to cooperate. photoshop's gradient settings are surprisingly limited

gotta shout out @amazingphil for being the reason i knew what this cover looked like--it's the only muse album i knew the art of before embarking on this quest!

obligatory sob story:

i've been extremely and suddenly ill for 6 months. it is difficult to function moment to moment, but especially in doing little things just for me. this is the first and only art project i've been able to feel inspired to not only work on, but to finish, and despite the pain and long hours, i enjoyed every minute of it. thank you, dan, for creating this space for me to explore, and thank you, everyone here, for being wonderful support during this time 💞

[diyaokonel]

Wakfu Drawings 2024-2025 Part 2 :

And again Hi! This is another selection of drawings, in the first part I forgot to mention that they are taken from two different sketchbooks! (Just now you know) The format is the same - I post a couple of drawings,Then I comment on them..I hope we have fun!

[I've been drawing a lot of Wakfu-themed art lately, I need to understand how this style works, so if someone is good at it, a tutorial would be a REAL help!! I'd be very grateful]

Well, what a good start! The first picture shows Percedal and Otomai, they are just good, the first one is very funny and the second one is very serious.. I like it! With the second one, everything is a little more complicated, firstly, it is a drawing W/S .And I LOVE Welsh and Shedar !!In order not to expect it so much, I came up with something... large-scale. And then... something... EVEN larger-scale. But you will most likely find out about it a little later.Most likely when I finish with Wakfu Drawings! By the way, let's return to it - the second picture... just imagine that they were offered to choose absolutely any weapon in the world, even the weapons of the gods!...They chose a fishing rod and an oak tree.🫩😐

On the third picture I tried to go for a cartoon style from concept art...it turned out poorly but I like it! I like looking at old works and noticing mistakes and progress!

Next up is me. And yes, I am NOT a one-eyed cyclops! (Unbelievable😅) Okay okay, I don't really know what amuses me more, the joke about the eye or her face... Let's just not distract her,She's probably watching season 3-4 now!

[I really like how I did the text on this picture]

Wow! Percy again! He looks... Like a sticker! In a good way, like a really, really cool sticker that you just want to stick somewhere! Which I apparently already did! 💗✨

Last for today.. I tried again in style, Welsh in the last photo seems VERY GOOD to me! But with Joris I had difficulties, and not only in this style but in general, but I will tell about it When will we talk only about drawings with him! And there is A LOT OF CONTENT...

The cheerful Joris and Kahn are exactly what we have already talked about - they are masters of choosing the most unusual weapons!

Well...I have nothing more to say to you! I hope this was fun, see you later!

[very interesting drawing with Yugo coming soon]

🎆💗✨

[okwonyo]

can you do a tutorial on how to to do your themes?

i have got this ask i think .. an hundred times and i think i never answered properly to it. so, let’s go ! today, i am giving you the complete and detailed guide how to do a theme like mine ^_^

HOW TO MAKE A THEME, OKWONYO STYLE, 101

first step. choose an icon ! before even choosing the pictures for the theme, i choose the pictures for the blog’s icon and the header. usually, i find them on the idol’s instagram, twitter and pinterest.

second step. look for pictures ! to be honest, i rarely search for “[color] aesthetic” on pinterst. i usually just look into my “themes&aesthetic” board on my own page.

what i recommend is to take time to scroll on pinterest and always save pretty images that you know will be great on a theme. it can also really helps for work’s layout.

when you want to make a new theme, you just have to tap on the images you want and pinterst will show you pictures that have the same vibe / color scheme.

when i make a theme, i try to put pictures that go well together. i don’t look for pictures with all the same color, but i look for colors that go well with each other. as colors have different shades, i think it is harder to make a theme with only the one color.

after finding what i want, i put theme next to each other— in a way that sits right with me.

third step. add your own touch ! what i like to do is to modify my pictures (add my name, add cursive letters, put a black and withe filters). the applications i use for this are phonto, picsart, capcut and ibispaint.

i find the fonts on pinterst. as for the pictures, i have a board just for the fonts as well. if you need a tutorial for how i do my header here. however, this is an hold one, i don’t really do headers like this anymore ^^

for the gifs, i use pngs from pintersts that i keep in a board and use ezgif.com to go from video to gif !

forth step. put texts ! to link my navigation, moots and carrd, i need to add texts. i mostly take bios from song lyrics or create my own like i did for the texts on my pinned currently.

to modify the fonts, i use yaytext.com ! and to find the symbols i go on accounts like @/espuor or @/oatelier.

fifth step. to finish, i incorporate colors in my theme.

sometimes, color the texts on pinned with studdbydavid.com. here is a quick little tutorial on how to use.

these days, i also like to change the background and accent colors. for this, i use ibis paint to take colors from my theme directly.

to add a lick on my account, i use this : <a href="insert link">insert word</a> and put in on my blog’s settings on tumblr. com !

i also add the links for my navigation on places that look good. i don’t put two different links and words that are next to each other ^^

and that is all ! that’s how i make a theme step by step >< don’t forget to give credits from the person you take inspiration from 💋✨

[deepdreamnights]

Assembling your Cast in Vidu: "My Reference" First Impressions and Tutorial

(Disclaimer: I am in the Vidu Creative Partner Program)

For a long time, one of the major barriers for any kind of generative video is character consistency. The solutions were either using image-to-video for start frames or having a general reference option, usually the former, sometimes both.

Vidu uses both, but have recently updated their reference system. We're starting to get to the level of complex interface that I've been talking about in previous blogs.

Vidu's reference-to-video and other similar features were a good start, but with important limitations: You only had three images to reference per generation, and the AI had to guess who was what based on your text prompt. Combined with some quirks around how it handles model-sheet type images (more on that later) and it was a good start, but required a lot of finagling.

Vidu updated with a major improvement to the reference tool, one that lets you build profiles for each person or location you're using, consisting of up to three images, a short style prompt (about 1 line) and a description-prompt. These are saved to your profile so you can call them up at any time (saving a lot of redundant prompting of character details).

The robot will fill in the description for you, but I suggest editing it to your needs.

You can use up to three references per shot (scale between references is a little tricky), and, in a very helpful feature, you reference those characters by tag in the prompt body.

In the old reference system you'd tend to have to use a single shot for a character, then a model sheet, because if you did just the model sheet the characters would tend to "twirl" while animating in chaotic and unnatural ways, meaning you'd generally lose two slots to one character, but here you can load everything in one place.

I've only played with it a little bit thus far, but here are my basic recommendations:

The first image should be a single shot of the character, and the second and third images can be model-sheet character assemblages. If you're doing a reference specifically for talking head shots, you'll want the face-shot in the first slot, and full-body reference in the latter ones.

Try and use multiple-angle reference where at all possible. This just increases stability of the character in general, even if they don't show the alternate angles being shown. I have a tutorial for using Vidu to produce this kind of reference here.

Use the extra prompt space for specific visual instruction. The more direction you give, the less chaos and weirdness you get. (Assuming that's your goal.)

[yukirayu]

this new translation, whilst i was super excited at first, honestly seems overly verbose. and some parts are just blatant plagiarism. i don't understand, if these people were going to go to the effort to "retranslate" in secret for over a year, why they wouldn't have completely thrown out JAST's script and started from the original. what do you think?

The patch is retelling the game by following the JP text more closely, so if it's very verbose, then that was how it was also worded in the original game. I even pointed out a few examples (albeit with MTL, which is more intended to give the closer gist of the sentence, than anything else) that does hint at this same verboseness. That, and the fact that there's far less slang and cursing, and while I can't read Japanese, I am familiar enough with the spoken version to notice a lot of worded lines (in the localization) that do not match the voice llines themselves.

And as for the claims of plagiarism, it is another version of an English translation of the game. I wouldn't expect every single sentence to be worded differently. If someone stays "Stop doing that" or "Stop that", then that's usually the best way you can word it. Or if the reply is a quick "Sure", then that's fine. It's impractical to think that for another translation to avoid the accusations, every letter is retyped and every single word (adverb, verb, preposition, adjective, etc.) is replaced.

And any posts that claim they barely edited anything only showed sneak peeks from the tutorial, and I have shown screenshots from when you're far enough into a route that show how whole sentences were changed. Even if you generally can see where either version of the same scene is getting at, wording and tone play an important role in how people understand the context, except that the localization got overly crude and memey and that can really affect one's perception of the characterization and the themes.

And they did say it's a patch. Patches like this function similarly to game mods, where you use the base file of the game and tweak it in a way that more features get added, or even refine parts of the game's coding to fix any potential bugs and whatnot. Since they explicitly stated that the patch works with the localization, it'd make sense that the do use the localization's files to insert their translation of the text.

One can only guess why they didn't patch over the JP version of the game, but if I am to make my own guess, it may be because this is their way of sidestepping the potential accusations of copyright infringement, since Slow Damage is still officially licensed by another company.

Another funny thing I have to share is that before the localization itself was released, there was a translation of the VN's demo, which was told in third person (much like this patch is). But that demo, which technically isn't the same as the licensed game and is also free property since that's what demos are for, got mysteriously deleted all of a sudden, and I've seen hints that it had something to do with JAST not wanting people to notice the change in narration POV (whichever you prefer is up to you, but the fact remains that they changed it, something that they didn't do even in the other N+C visual novels they licensed).

[ac-liveblogs]

"What did the abyss order accomplish beyond generally attacking the city" watch my brain blank in real time bc YOU'RE RIGHT???? gosh I'm SO used to thinking of Mondtadt as the only city in which the abyss does ANYTHING (before natlan but I haven't played that yet lol) that I completely forgot to think and realise there actually ...wasn't any perceived endgame for What the abyss was doing in mond....... they just want the city very badly see, they tried to uhhhh invade it in diluc's quest, and wanted to keep TWO of its gods to themselves, and specifically fuck up their statue, anddd. A book. For some reason.

Maybe the Abyss specifically has beef w Mondstadt bc they're jealous. Mondtadt is as close as it gets to Khaenriah under the eyes of the heavens, after all...

Talking about tutorials, that reminds me—would there be a way to sneak in an explanation for some of the terminology? Bc in the original chinese "visions" and "gnosis" are literally "eye-of-god" and "heart-of-god", and "genshin" are the allogenes (vision bearers) and it just baffles me that in a game with So Much Flipping dialogue they couldn't sneak in an explanation somewhere? There is so much stuff that comes up that has to do with this! ("the gods will LOOK upon you with favour", Scaramouche's whole plot about his HEART). They've been adding little text clarifications whenever they're referring to previous lore in other words (e.g. "higher power" ^^Istaroth) but they really should have explained some basic terminology man. Maybe something like what venti said in the comic about his lire. "Der Himmel, or The Heavens in common tongue" "Visions, which in days of old were called Eyes of Heaven" or something like that.

Also! I forgor to add Ursa the Drake amongst the contradictory stuff akdkdhd are you getting rid of it? Substituting it with a more plot-relevant monster that ain't bonkers to STILL be alive?

"What did the abyss order accomplish beyond generally attacking the city" watch my brain blank in real time bc YOU'RE RIGHT????

😎 THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR

But no really, trying to logic chain together the stuff that happens in Mondstadt and (especially) Liyue is an exercise in sheer masochism. I have no idea what the Abyss Order is even up to until the Loom of Fate thing (the upside down statue? mechanical god? the thing with andrius? eh?) In retrospect it kind of just seems like HYV needed them to be doing SOMETHING but had nothing for them to do, so it just gave them some vaguely 'unsettling' goals that didn't go anywhere…

There's presumably something deeper going on with Venti in canon (something something hexenzirkel), or at least one would hope, but I don't have much use for the rest of it so.

Genshin (and Star Rail's!) habit of just THROWING WORDS AT YOU and not explaining is INFURIATING given how much they overexplain a bunch of other things! But I hadn't been thinking about clarifying their original meanings, I'd been more focused on expanding/explaining their narrative role... but I do agree, the changes are misleading (Delusions from 'Evil Eye' too, geh. The amount of ??? changes in the localisation... which likes to go 'highlight>right click>thesaurus' as often as possible anyway...)

Can you believe I totally forgot that they were called 'magical organs', not foci, and Gnosis was 'Heart of God' when I made the Pyro Gnosis Lumine's heart? Totally unrelated! And, thinking on the Third Descender's Fate, the original names make waaay more sense.

now i'm imagining a 'hey they said the name of the game' moment. this truly was our genshin impact

Theoretically, no issue in assuming things get clarified more? I don't think I'm ever going to be scripting this (realistic assessment of my own abilities) I ran into the thought that... the first three party members don't really use Visions, even Xiao's is mostly just for show. And Diluc hasn't reclaimed his yet, he's using his Delusion. I was going to bring up Visions in the context of Lumine... not having one, and Venti suggesting she get a fake one to avoid complications. Discussion of this stuff should come up in canon as we learn more about them/Celestia's goals in general. I don't think the Archons actually know that much about why Celestia wants them handed out, or at least Venti, Nahida and Furina/Focalors definitely don't.

Re; Ursa the Drake… for the purposes of Diluc's backstory it probably doesn't matter what kills Crepus. It just needs to be stupid strong. If its a monster that's been around awhile and the Fatui can take advantage of it for their own political goals, maybe it's one of Gold's stronger creations, and Dottore's been experimenting on things like them for awhile. I wanted to have more of them wandering around the overworld anyway.

(don't… don't get me started on the chain of events around crepus' death. it was ursa, but the fatui arranged it with a… metal bug tracker thing? huh? genshin, explain? the fatui can influence OP ancient dragons to attack people explain please genshin?)

[sceebybeeby]

Love your art dude! Was wondering what program you used? (and also how you get that painted look in your art? Some of your digital pieces look like paintings to me sometimes and it’s so cool, but I totally get if explaining it would take too long or if it’s complicated to explain 😅)

THANK YOU !!!!

i use procreate for the ipad for my drawings (it's an apple exclusive and it costs money though 👎) i will always reccomend ibis as an alternative

short answer for the painting question; it's mostly just a mix of brushes and never soft shading

long answer; Procreate's brush software is different than most art programs. instead of blending their colors together, the colors layer on top, unless you want to use the smudge tool. base program brushes from procreate, medibang, and ibis for example

[ID: A showcase of blending brushes from the art programs Procreate, Medibang, and Ibis paint. Under Procreate it's showing off acrylic, wet acrylic, hard blend, and larapuna. Under Medibang it's showing off watercolor, watercolor wet, and acrylic. There's a bullet point under acrylic that says "important to note, acrylic isn't set as a blending brush. it's a texture brush. Under Ibis it's showing off watercolor (wet), fade watercolor (wet), and oil pen (soft.) Procreate is shown again with smudge tool added to their brushes. End ID.]

the thing is, i hate procreate's smudge tool and for some reason their actual blending brushes blend with the background, even if it's on a separate layer (you can see that in hard blend). it's ugly and i hate it. so, i never use their blending brushes or smudge tool

I only use 2 brushes when shading. flat brush and tinderbox. if you look closely at some of my pieces you can see that most of my shading edges are hard and kinda messy. that's those 2 brushes

[ID: Four close-ups of digital illustrations. One a face. The other a chest. The third of hair. and the final of a hand. End ID.]

this technique is common in both traditional and digital paintings. it makes things be less muddy for me and i mostly was inspired by artists that use acrylic. sometimes instead of battling time and blending with paints that are actively drying, they'll wait and just block in colors instead, leaving hard edges. (thats what i did before a switched to gouache LMAOO) i really like that look so i used it for my digital paintings. along with some hatching, it creates the illusion of softness when you look from afar.

it's all mostly just experimentation. but i'll bring out ol reliable for how my process usually goes

[ID: A step by step guide on my shading process using a pink circle. The text says "Step one 1: Get your base. Step 2: Find your light source and block in colors (I use flat brush.) Step 3: Darken edges and add some desaturation in the dark (mimics color reflection.) Step 4: Refine and add texture and fun bits (I use tinderbox.) Step 5: Color balance and TADAA you have a 3D object. kinda." End ID.]

although this is the technique i do, i recommend using references and better drawing tutorials that explain things in much more detail than this one photo. (and references don't just have to be lighting references, you can look at other painters and try to mimic that digitally.) there's so much nuance with lighting that this one picture is barely scratching the surface. i've been doing this for a decade and i'm still learning and deciding what i want to "do." maybe next year i'll only be into cell shading with purple multiply. play around with brushes and layer modes to see what sticks. that's the fun part of experimentation.

if you made it this far, thank you for listening to my ramblings and mini procreate brush software rant. happy drawing !!!!

[balketh]

Third game of our new first-ever PF2e Campaign: Oblivion Deep.

(I don't recap every sesh/post heaps about it, but I've tagged it uniquely if you wanna mute~)

I'm a player; custom setting of DM's design, second campaign in this world. First campaign was 5+ years in 5e, ended with my Warforged Arcana Cleric accelerating the heat death collapse of the known universe while outside it, so he could use the unlimited potential of the early magic of the new empty universe that appeared in its place to bring the old universe from the past forward, but with a few slight alterations to how Time and Entropy work. (He a thousands-strong spies'-murmur Simulacrum hivemind user - he was literally starting to see the limitations of the universe, always contained within six second intervals. He was starting to see the Ruleset as the underlying problem of the whole setting, and so his end goal was to change it. And he did. To PF2e.) In our current game, I'm playing a Kashrishi (short psychic crystalhorn rhinoman, cool as SHIT) Alch Studies Investigator. Real sherlocky/batmany type. We've been dumped out of the playable intro cutscene - our trial-at-sea ship being attacked by a kraken, after we managed to successfully exonerate ourselves, no less - and murdering the crew trying to steal the lifeboat... So we could take it ourselves.

We were dumped out of this onto what I'm now guessing is the Tutorial Island Dungeon - an island wreathed in shadow, a world plot connected situation that we cannot easily escape from, and likely must solve to handle.

But I say tutorial island dungeon, because, so far, the two games we've spent on this island have been:

grappling with the very powerful but woefully inconsistently designed FoundryVTT (some things: drag and drop, works every time, flawless. others, of the same complexity: you need three modules and a custom bit of code and even then, it's only 80% of the desired solution.) Today it proved its worth by letting us undo a hugely misinterpreted enemy ability that was ruining the fight

we have mananged to kill 1 (one) grippli archer. This would have gone much better (and did, after fixing), if the DM hadn't been using its special multi-attack ability without any Multi-attack Penalty. One of us was still downed, in spite of that.

Rolling like absolute dogshit. I, rolling with +8 at level 1, have only hit, I think, one target, once. If it weren't for the benefit (and sometimes strong drawback) of Devise a Stratagem basically letting me 'preroll and decide' before wasting my attack action, I'd have been the most useless- oh, wait, I have been the most useless member of the party in combat so far; I've literally critically failed MOST of my attempted non-attack combat actions. I think the FoundryVTT roller just hates me.

It's taking a LOT of getting used to; we're definitely improving, but we're still very much in the run-up-and-attack mindset of 5e, and it shows, because a single grippli archer was such a fucking problem for us.

Ugh. Ah well. We actually started getting somewhere, so, things are looking up.

Can't wait to get out of this fucking Shadow darkness, though. Only one member of our party has Darkvision. Shit suuuuuucks.

[somerandomrover]

Stop Making Doors to the Grocery Store

Please stop making doors to public places like grocery stores, gas stations, and malls. For the love of God, you can take a bus if you can’t drive and catch a taxi if you can’t ride. Using doors for little inconveniences has never been a good idea especially when they’re unregulated.

Now, I’m no public official, but I am very experienced with doors and what too many of them in one place can do. Being able to walk twenty feet to get to your favorite hangout spot may seem cool but it's not. In fact, it could cause another hundred or so missing persons posters to be plastered around town. To rot away in the rain as a third of said persons are never seen again. 

The number of times I’ve been in a grocery store just shopping around. Only to notice someone peeking around a corner that wasn’t there before. Is astronomically higher than it was a few months ago. All because of some video shared around the internet for the past few weeks. With steps on how to create a “shortcut”. I can hear all of you complaining now. How this little discovery could change the world forever. It already has. There’s a reason why it's not used. Now, initially the problem won’t stand out to you if you’ve created one of these shortcuts somewhere in your house. After following all the steps to make one you’ll open it only to find a plain room or hallway. They usually lead around a corner at some point or are long with an adjoining door at the far end. Which will lead to the desired location.

The issue arrives when more than one door starts showing up. Or maybe an extra branch in the direction of the hallway. That leads to more passageways and more doors. Or god forbid a staircase. 

This might cause you to panic a bit. This isn’t what was shown in that video. There's not supposed to be this many ways to go. Why are there weird sounds coming out of it at night? This isn’t what you signed up for. But you did, and that stupid video doesn’t show a way to undo what you did. So now you’re stuck with the spooky maze door. Without a lock, living in your closet. 

I don’t know off the top of my head how to undo the door ritual, but will share a tutorial if I manage to find one. If I don’t just know you shouldn’t trust the first one you see. More often than not they’re made by individuals who want to make your problem worse.

In the meantime, I’ll list some dos and don’ts:

Do try and leave a trail behind you even if you’re not going that far. Thick yarn or rope works best. Make sure to keep one end secure on the side of your original door that’s in your house. Tying it around the doorknob and leading it through is one of the best ways to do this. 

Do keep the door open behind you when you enter. It’ll lower the risk of something going wrong if it turns out you’re not alone in there. 

If you feel like you’re not alone, you’re not. Leave immediately and close the door behind you.

Do barricade the door if it's not in use. Doesn’t matter if it locks or not, just do it. Chair under the doorknob is a great start.   

Do mark both of your doors with permanent marker, paint, or anything else that will not come off. Sticky notes or duck tape won’t work. 

Don’t open the door if you hear anything from behind it. 

Don’t open any other doors besides the two you know you made. 

Don’t go down any of the branching hallways.

Don’t go looking for your other door if you’ve lost it. Sucks to suck.

Most importantly; do not go down the staircase. If you see a staircase. Turn around and go back home. Doesn’t matter if it goes up or down. Or if it just so happens to be an escalator. Do not interact with it. Don’t even look at it. Whatever made it may be looking back.

[neontoad]

“Ouch.”

“Oh, stop whining, you rabid dog,” Dazai says, pulling the thread through the loop and tightening the knot. She takes one last look at her stitchwork and hums, brushing her hair out of her eyes and finally making eye contact with Chuuya. “You wouldn't have been injured at all if you paid attention to your surroundings for once.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Chuuya snaps, sceptically looking at the stitches. As always, Dazai did a perfect job patching him up. That doesn’t mean he won’t bitch at her. “I’m the reason why your ass doesn't have a single scratch.”

“Yadda-yadda,” she says and theatrically yawns. “I would have dodged the attack. But how would you know that, right? I’m only the best strategist of the Port Mafia. No way I would have predicted that ambush, yeah?”

Chuuya grits his teeth and turns away. So what if she’s right? Maybe when Dazai calls him a dog, she’s not too far from the truth. Blindly protecting people around him is what Chuuya has always been doing. He’s not planning to stop, even though the person he’s protecting is the most annoying lanky mackerel in the world. 

“Whatever.” Chuuya looks around the safe house. It’s a decent one. As opposed to the ones they are used to, it’s pretty spacious, there’s a kitchenette, a working shower and even a TV, a luxury for a place that’s only used in extraordinary circumstances. “Wanna watch TV?” he asks, prodding Dazai’s foot with his.

“How fun.” Dazai rolls his eyes, but still, she gets up and grabs the remote control. “I’m choosing,” she says and brushes her unruly hair out of her eyes.

Chuuya nods and plops onto the couch. He doesn't really care what Dazai picks. He just needs some kind of background noise, as well as long-awaited peace and quiet. As long as he’s getting that, he’s content with whatever horrid TV show is gonna be on TV for the following few hours. 

Of course, as expected of Dazai, she opts for some bizarre obstacle course gameshow, bush as much as Chuuya hates to admit it, it’s really fucking fun to watch. Two cans of beer materialise out of nowhere and the evening gets somewhat tolerable despite throbbing pain in Chuuya’s chest where he got hit.

As he watches the show, Chuuya keeps seeing Dazai’s hand darting to her hair from the corner of his eye, brushing it out of her face and behind her ear, only for the unruly locks to fall back a few seconds later. 

“Wanna tie your hair?” Chuuya asks when Dazai fixes her hair for the millionth time. 

“Do I look like a person who owns a hair tie?”

“Uh. Yeah. You don't, actually.”

“Mind your business then,” she says and tucks her hair behind her ear, an uncharacteristic curse leaving her mouth when it falls on her face again.

“Ok, here,” Chuuya says, his hands acting faster than his brain, and rips off a strip of fabric from his t-shirt. It’s ruined, anyway. Won't hurt to make it into a makeshift hair tie for his slob of a partner. 

“It’s not gonna help,” she says, without ripping her eyes off the TV. “It’s still gonna be everywhere. It’s annoying.”

“Cut it, then.”

“Eh.”

“Or I can cut it for you.”

“Nah.”

This is so Dazai - being obviously uncomfortable but doing absolutely nothing to fix it. Sometimes he wonders what’s happening in her brain. Sometimes he’s too afraid to know. 

“I have an idea,” Chuuya says. “I can braid it.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Didn't know you were an undercover barber. Then why is your hair so shi-”

“I don’t fucking know how to do it!” he snaps, regretting he offered it in the first place. “I’ll follow a fucking Youtube tutorial. Or whatever.”

For a few seconds, it’s silent. 

“Ok,” Dazai says. “Fine. It’s gonna be hilarious. I just know it. Go ahead, Chuuya. Unleash your inner stylist. Try not to rip my head off, though.”

It’s gonna be hard not to, Chuuya thinks and opens the first braiding tutorial that pops up. It’s the most basic braid. He just can’t fuck it up, right? 

Needless to say, the third time he has to start again, Dazai is laughing and shaking so hard, Chuuya feels like her hair strands are reigns and Dazai is a particularly insufferable pony on crack. 

“I need a fucking hairbrush! Don’t you have a hairbrush?!”

“What do you think, Chuuya? Does it look like I have a hairbrush?”

In a way, Chuuya is glad there’s no hairbrush, otherwise, it might have become a murder weapon. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “Stop fucking moving, shitty Dazai. I can do it. Give me a minute.”

“Of course, you can,” she says in the sweetest voice which makes Chuuya want to smack her. At least she stops moving.

“Maybe you should practice on yourself.”

“My hair is too short for braids if you haven't noticed, you blind mole.”

“Maybe you should grow it out. Like a mullet.”

“A mullet my ass,” he hisses through his teeth, trying his best to focus on crossing the hair sections in the right order. A fucking mullet. Never in his life. He’d just look like a moron. 

Finally, the braid is ready, and, feeling content and accomplished, Chuuya ties it with the strip of fabric he’s been holding between his teeth. 

He looks at the finished work. 

He swallows. 

It looks fucking horrendous.

“Uh,” he says, scratching his head. 

“What?”

“Uh. Nothing. Wanna see it?”

Instead of an answer, Dazai hands Chuuya her phone and he snaps a quick pic of that abomination of a braid. 

He mentally braces for another taunt (or probably a lifetime of taunts), when Dazai finally speaks.

“I love it.”

Chuuya blinks. 

“Thank you,” she says and moves to her seat on the couch, eyes fixed on the screen, a light blush gracing her cheeks.

“Uh. No problem,” Chuuya says, taking a sip of his beer. 

When they go back to the Port Mafia headquarters the next day, Dazai is still brandishing her ridiculously crooked braid. 

She still has it the day after. 

And the following day as well, even though it has gotten way too messy. 

Dazai still seems to like it. Chuuya likes it, too - although Dazai doesn’t have to know about it. 

“Wanna braid my hair?” she asks him the following day, handing him the strip of the ripped t-shirt, her hair messy and unruly. 

“Sure,” Chuuya says, opening the tutorial again. 

Hairdressing might have just become his new passion.  

Thank you for reading! Check out this lovely femzai art by Aimi on twt! I'm in love <3

[yanaleese]

How-to-Ask 101!!!

Alright. This tutorial is quite simple (well...to be debated on).

#1: When doing an ask, you can do it in third person or first.

Examples:

"Is Karma's favorite food spaghetti?" - 3rd person

"Karma, is your favorite food spaghetti?" - 1st person

Another way of asking is just...saying your reaction.

"AAAAAAAA KARMA BE MY WAIFU FOR LAIFU"

"Karma could bury me 6 ft. down and I'd thank him"

Also be careful in adding too much questions in one ask (especially if it's not related).

What NOT to do:

"Does Karma love cats? Does he work a 9-5 job? Does he love cinnamon rolls?"

In this ask, it is speaking about multiple subjects - cats, occupation, and food preferences. This would be the type of ask I would not respond to.

What TO do:

"Does Karma love cats? What type of cats does he like, and does he have a cat of his own?"

#2: You can make your ask a prompt! But please note that this prompt can only involve ONE OC. It should not be overly detailed, but rather open for creativity and discussion.

Examples:

"Karma, you did NOT just ruin my tuna sandwich!"

For Karma: "Did you see what Aleese said about you in the last post?"

You can even reference past posts in hopes to get a reaction out of the characters.

"Karma, how could you kill that woman like that? Why?"*

#3: Now sometimes there are prompt lists that I may use to spice up the inbox (e.g. lists like this and this). In that case, feel free to choose what sticks out the most to you. You can also recommend some lists for me to choose from.

However, asks related to prompt lists will not be answered unless I have reblogged them on this blog + made it clear that I'm using that specific prompt lists. This applies even if you link or @ me in posts.

If you see no reblogged prompt list, do NOT do this:

Prompt #23 from fanfic_regina (original link): "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm exhausted and tired but I still love you."

@ yanaleese, prompt #23 from fanfic_regina please!

If you do see a reblogged prompt list, do this:

"Hey Aleese, I got this sick prompt that I want to show you (reblogged link)"

Can I have Prompt #23 from (reblogged link)?

If you need help with any of this please send a message to my inbox! Thank you!