#there’s no growth without pain but i want her to never ever hurt

[daisyjohnsn]

give her peace or give me death

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff: Bluey's The Sign

Bluey is still great and I don't need to go into why again. What's most important is that even in such short time of knowing this cartoon, you can see the growth of it all. Joe and the crew share how the world of the Heeler family gets to learn, adapt, and grow without rapidly warping the status quo. You go through and see how everyone is able to work through rough and weird times with sincere maturity. Season 3's Finale is where this all comes to a head and it's as beautiful as I expected, MORESO.

Brandi got to be happy would've been enough for me

The Sign deals with the idea of hard ideas. Those hard ideas that aren't inherently about change, but issues that when faced with initially, it feels like a bad ending. A bad ending which can't be easily fixed and you don't know where to go from there, and it hurts. It hurts when hard ideas swoop in, ruins your mood, festers your mind, and leaves you aimless. Bluey shows that it happens, this is the rare time where a ton of crap hits the fan in one day and it's not something Chili or Bandit or any adult can fix right away. I've never experienced this, but I felt the pain Bluey, Bingo, Frisky, and Chili went through where they're bargaining, burying, and avoiding confronting a potential reality they didn't want. This is where the real hero of the special comes in...

Haven't said before, but Calypso is a masterful teacher

The parable of the farmer works as an incredible seedling thought for Bluey when she reveals her moving. It's not a story I ever heard, but known the message all too well. The message of not just accepting bad things that happen to you, but know that it'll never be the end of the world because of them. Don't think of it as deep, but a natural motif to grow with. This is where a debacle regarding the episode churns with me. It can seem like a cop-out that every character gets what they wanted by the end, as I said before the cartoon can be more idealistic than what our real life allows. Then again, the true beauty of Bluey I believe has always been if it's possible, the family will find a way and do it responsibly.

If happiness can be achieved, they'll know how to get it

Beyond all this, the special is great. They waste no minute here in art and storytelling, and as said before, it's like Smash Bros Ultimate where everything is here. There are great callbacks to episodes you probably wouldn't have thought about, on top of getting to see the whole Heeler family on Chili and Bandit's sides like that blew my mind. Plus I love seeing weddings, dude, like I wish I was there with them. The feels are tsunami-ous like it's unfair to say this is the all-time best episode of the show, but darn if it wouldn't be earned.

When else will I see the epicness of riding shotgun?

But to conclude, it's been said that after this the Ludo crew will take a indefinite hiatus from Bluey the series, especially when they have a new project underway. And honestly? I'm more than satisfied. The show could've ended here and I would've been somewhat at peace with them giving us this beautiful episode. I of course didn't get into this series since its beginning, but I came around the right time to enjoy it myself, to see others recognize its greatness, and to finally make it here. It's great to know this was only another chapter in the book, and I'll see to be around when it gets to come back. As for The Sign? What else is there to say?

It was Beautiful. Cheers to the crew for everything.

[heartfullofleeches]

I need to see Selene having a sweet morning w her neighbor(wife) so bad. She's so cute?? I just wanna see her be happy and making breakfast for/with them while the vibes are good and sleepy. Let this woman get to sleep in and cuddle her lovely neighbor after brutally murdering her husband just the other night

Selene always wanted of a spring wedding.

Beyond being a child of the season, in her eyes it was to be the most romantic - symbolic of the growth between young lovers to lifelong partners. Furthermore, both mother and grandmother had spring weddings - passing their knowledge and the gift of their wedding gown onto the next generation. Its soft emerald hue matched her eyes and the season 0beautifully. She dreamed of walking down the aisle surrounded by love, the cool spring air, and blooming roses.

So why was she here now - cold and without an ounce of love to her name. The artifical bouquet in her hands scratched at the delicate parts of her skin and hair, autumn winds biting her exposed neck and arms. Spring was too much of an inconvenience for her soon to be husband. He hated the outdoors and insects that roamed freely, and so their wedding was set for October in the confines of an old church.

Selene told herself she could be happy. This was meant to be the happiest day of her life and the start of her days as a doting, loving wife, but as she entered the chapel she'd find someone else taking her place. A beautiful soul with a smile that encapsulated everything she loved about spring. Warm and inviting - impossible to forget or ever let go. Dressed in her best, she could never dream be to as angelic as the creature standing up there with her lover. She falls to her knees, begging to be taken instead. To be loved by that angel. To be chains to that demon so he can never hurt them like he's broken her.

"Selene......"

She screams. Take me instead. Take me....

"Ms. Selene!"

Her eyes flutter open. No longer is she crying on the church floor. A gentle hand rubbing her back draws her from slumber, and the remaining tears from her eyes. The stiffness in her spine reminds her of the most uncomfortably comfort night she's had on someone else's couch.

"Ms. Selene, are you okay? You were crying in your sleep when I came to check on you."

Color darkens her pale face as she sits up, deepened by the hand that aids her. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I.... I'm normally not one to dream, and I believe that was the first nightmare I've had in... years.. "

"It's alright, Ms. Selene. You've had a rough night."

Recollection of the night prior barrel through her like a speeding train as she looks up at the face of her savior. She bawled her eyes out at your doorstep, pleading to stay just one night and be gone before down. Her husband had allegedly changed the locks before leaving town and it was too late for her to call anyone else. You offered your home and bed to her as any would do, but she settled for the couch not wanting to be more of a burden than she was.

You give her hand an affirming squeeze - unknowingly kickstarting the beat of her heart. "You have nothing to be sorry for, and you can stay here as long as you need. We'll call a locksmith later so you can get some of your belongings."

It's hard to believe someone that was a stranger only a few short months ago had shown her more kindness than her husband had in all of their years together. Your arm returns to her shoulder as more tears leak from her tired eyes, pulling her into embrace that wash decades of self loathing off her mind. All that lingers in its wake is how she'd kill to spend every morning in your arms - just like this. Even she had to relieve the pain of her past everyday, it would all be worth it to have you.

"Thank you, Y/n. I know we don't know each other well, but words can not describe how luck I am to have you. Without you I don't know where I'd be right now.."

"Ah, don't worry about it. I know you'd do the same for me. Are you hungry?"

She places a hand to her stomach, unsure when the last time she'd eaten. "Seems. Maybe i should make something for us. You've done enough for me already."

"Nah, don't think like that, we can do it together. I have some pancake mix and some fruit in the fridg if that sounds good."

Selene smiles. "That sounds wonderful, dear."

"Cool." Sporting a smile of your own, you lead Selene into the kitchen. You grab a cutting board and knife, placing both on the table as you digging around for the produce in your fridge. Cutting the fruit, Selene has never known more bliss from slicing anything than her husband's throat.

This truly was her new happiest day.

[bananakeiky]

This isn't about Hoyo I just needed to vomit some AFTG thoughts into a public space and I just finished ToS and I'm rabid. I have no idea how many of y'all even read this series but spoilers. And trigger warnings. Anyways.

Okay what the fuck ever the thing about ToS isn't just about of the extra trigger warnings and things that made me wanna throw up and cry at the same time. It's about how horribly, tragically awful it is that Jean is full of so much love. He always has been. It's not just haha what a pansexual no. Jean craves affection so fucking much. He's weak to pretty people and devastated by kind people. He clung to Kevin. He clung to Renee. He even clung to Thea, who affectionately called him Paris as he trailed her like a little duckling. He spits and rages and claws at them all, calling them every rabid name in the dictionary and beyond. He has a laundry list of insults for Neil, who freed him, one of the only people he truly trusts. It's just that he never expects it back. He never wants it back because it hurts so much worse when it's gone. People hurt him when it's gone. He says "I can take it" and "this is normal" because he would burn if he couldn't.

This is why he rejects the Trojans. Every "don't you see" and "why do you look away" is well-meaning but twice as hurtful because accepting it would mean Jean didn't hurt because he deserved it. Without that crutch it means he suffered for nothing. He hurt for nothing. Accepting it would mean that Jean would have to open up and fully comprehend the absolute horrors that were done not just to his life but to his personhood. To him. He was a child and a victim and he deserved to be saved and he wasn't. Not until it was too late. All of those years after being sold by his parents, yearning, aching to be loved by somebody and used as a toy and a scapegoat in return by anyone who touched him. Love is painful. Trust is painful. And Jean will love and love and love until it kills him and he knows it.

But this is why Kevin sent him to the Trojans. They may not understand survival and suffering the way the Foxes do, but they're genuine. They may be misguided with some of their efforts and need to take time learning how Jean works but they try and try and keep trying. They understand their own faults and healthy coping mechanisms and how to treat your worst enemies with respect. Hell, nearly the entirety of Jeremy's inner circle are in queer relationships with each other except for himself because he's too busy thinking about other people to work on that. This is what Jean needs to learn, that people can give without asking for anything in return. That people can be selfless and care for one another without ulterior motives. That love can be healthy and beautiful and not cruel.

And listen. I've been rooting for Jerejean for eight goddamn years. You have no idea how hard I fell when I realized that the ship that embodies the entire idea of healing, self-growth, and respect had been actualized and it's everything I ever wanted and more. The fact that Jeremy helps Jean buy his very first possession. The fact that he's so protective of Jean and thinks he's more important than exy, that Jean will be his success story. When he holds his hands and begs him to open up and backs off when Jean needs space, but never leaves and never gives up. How he spends so much time organizing people and schedules and events just so Jean can feel safe walking around campus. He never pushes too hard, but he never stops pushing. He's so patient. He wants Jean. He wants him so bad, but more than that, he wants Jean to love himself above all else. He's there when Jean has a panic attack at the pool, and sticks around as close as he can after Jean gets attacked. He stays up by the door all night when Jean goes out with Neil to an unknown location. All of this on top of revitalizing the Trojans, dealing with his shit family and the shittier rumors, having to train Jean out of killing his team and teaching his team to trust Jean in return.

Even after all of that his number one priority is always Jean, his head is filled with Jean, making the world comfortable and safe for Jean. It's making sure all of his friends know Jean. Never letting Jean be alone. Getting another twin bed so he can room with him. Always correcting himself, slowing down and speeding up so he can match Jean's pace. Fucking Barkbark. And yes, Renee could have done this too. She was the right person, and yes, the wrong time. But Jeremy found Jean at the right time, a time where he would dedicate everything to Jean. And if Jean one day turns around and wants to give that back, he'll be there, but he'll be just as happy knowing Jean is going to be okay.

ToS is a story about healing. It's about growth and battling the consequences of a life you did not choose. It's about unfairness. It's about what happens after a tragedy, and how to cope with yourself as much as you cope with the outside world. It's about becoming. It's about demons. It's about loyalty. It's about love. It's not about romance. Not yet. But it's about a romance that couldn't exist without it. It's setting up a story about someone who learns to accept that, tragically, he deserves to be treated like a human being. With love. And that he can still have it. That it's right there, waiting for him, when he's ready. He just has to reach out and take it.

[istoleyoursk1n]

How would they (Origin + Halsin) react to a Tav that's taller than them? If it's even possible to be taller than Halsin lmao

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How would they react to a Tav that's taller than them?

( Added the possibility of your Tav/Durge carrying them so I have more to work with. All for more content tho lmao )

.

.

: ̗̀➛ ASTARION

“Why not ask our walking street lamp if they can see anything from here? Gods, with all that height they ought to do something useful with it.”

Irritated.

He’s already shorter compared to the others in their camp, what more when he's standing next to you?

If anything he's frustrated that he has to break his neck every time he needs to speak with you.

Demands that you Crouch/get on his level instead if you both need to talk. He’d rather you get all the neck aches than him.

He only gets mildly defensive when he senses you looming over him but he eventually becomes accustomed to it, and soon enough, he learns to like it.

Having someone tall enough to reach things for him without having to exert so much effort is a lovely little advantage for him.

And if you have the ability to ever so easily lift him up? He’d love it even more. Now he doesn't have to walk! Plus being in your arms is something he finds oddly comforting. He wouldn't admit it out loud just yet but being encapsulated by your warmth does something to his undead heart.

: ̗̀➛WYLL

“Nothing wrong with having a particularly height-boosted companion tag along in our exciting misadventures! Though I do hope we manage to find some armor to fit you.”

Surprised but he didn't find it all too bad. People come in all shapes and sizes after all.

He doesn't exactly treat you any differently because of your height, he’ll make the usual playful remark here and there about it but nothing more.

A small chuckle would come out of him every time your height causes you to bend your head to fit through doorways or if you accidentally hit something but he’d be there to make sure you weren't too hurt.

Similar to Astarion, he's grateful for your height advantages since you can grab things for him or even run longer distances.

Would be a laughing mess if you do manage to pick him up, he's never actually been picked up from the ground so easily that it startles him in the best way possible.

Would playfully call you his knight in shining armor just until you put him down.

: ̗̀➛GALE

“I’m not quite sure if this is the result of some sort of magic elixir or if you were given the extra growth spurs by chance.”

‘Well alright then-’

It's not as if he hasn't seen people taller than him, sure the neck pains are going to be bothersome but it's not something he wants you to feel bad for.

Depending on the species you are, he’d question how you’d somehow come to be so tall.

Nothing but harmless questions honestly, he’d probably ask a story in regards to your height at some point but he wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

Besides, if he wished to be tall too he could have used a spell on himself but he doesn't need to.

Your imposing height can be used to intimidate enemies so there's that. Regardless, he sees your height as something that has its own perks.

Baffled when you manage to lift him up. He spends at least five seconds struggling because he doesn't quite understand what just happened and he doesn't know what he should be holding onto. Somehow his hand ends up on your face at some point.

Relaxes soon enough and happily stays in your arms for however long you wish to keep him there. Now he won't stop talking your ear off and praising you as per usual.

: ̗̀➛KARLACH

“And just when I thought I was tall, in came you! I mean just look at you! I bet you can see damn well anything from up there!“

WHOA. <—Her inner reaction

She's the one of the tallest in your little group so of course she's surprised to see someone who towers over her.

She can't get over the fact that she has to look up at you every time you both speak to one another.

With your permission, she refers to you both as ‘ Tall buddies ‘

I mean hey! The taller you are the more huggable you must be right? At least that's what she thinks.

Surprised if you do manage to lift her off the ground, practically squealing and laughing out loud from the mere fact that someone had managed to lift her even an inch off the ground.

She'd have the time of her life in all honesty.

If your body could manage it, she’d be so on board with going on a piggyback ride. She hasn't had one since she was a mere little tiefling! You haven't seen her laugh so loudly in such a long time, it's wonderful.

: ̗̀➛SHADOWHEART

“And your height proves what sort of concern for me? Unless you're bumping into doorways I doubt we’d have any trouble.”

She isn't bothered by it in the slightest, she hardly even cares about the fact that you're taller than her.

While it is sort of tiresome to constantly frame her neck so that she's constantly looking up at you, it's not something she ever complains about.

She won't make a single comment on it unless you’re visibly struggling to get through door frames and or average-sized spaces (if you are then how tall must you be lmao)

It’s more of her asking a single question as to how you manage with your height and if there is anything that could be done. Other than that, she’d move along.

A bit tense if you ever do decide to use your height advantage to pick her up.

She doesn't know what to do nor if this is something she’s comfortable with but she slowly eases into it, even holding you properly with a warm smile carefully forming across her face.

She takes this time to look around, noticing how much she can see from being lifted up by a taller person. She’d thank you for such a lovely little experience after you put her down.

: ̗̀➛LAE’ZEL

“Tsk’va, must we really bring this istik with us? Any charith could spot them from a mile away.”

She doesn't really care either unless your height proves to be some sort of perk in the coming battles.

And hey, if you can somehow intimidate your foes with your height advantage, she’d be impressed. Good for you.

Though at first, she does get out some harsh jabs about your height proving to be a disadvantage when stealthing. However, she’d slowly warm up to you and cease to make such comments.

Would probably punch you if you ever tried picking her up without warning her beforehand (0/10 do not recommend)

Like others mentioned before her, she hasn't been picked up before. She tenses the moment you lift her and it takes a while for her to relax.

She’d probably have to be softly talked out of her tension in order to properly relax in your grip and take a moment to look around.

The moment she does, she finally lets down her guard, taking a moment to look around now that she has a better view from above.

As soft as this little moment is, she now sees this as a way for to get a better advantage whenever she's using a bow. She can see her foes from afar from this height. Now you two can work even closer in combat!

: ̗̀➛HALSIN

“Hm. It has been quite some time since I've encountered someone as towering as you. Not that I mind. Simply one of nature’s many gifts. I find that it only adds to your charm.”

What?

I mean have you seen this man? He’s towered over everyone the majority of his life, he's only met a select few that were actually taller than him.

It was a pleasant surprise for him when you first met. He isn't quite used to having to crane his neck upwards. It aches the first few times but he eventually gets used to it.

Similar to Karlach, your height is something that constantly comes to his mind. It simply baffles him but he doesn't comment too much about it after the first time he brought it up.

He finds it kind of amusing if anything.

Watch this man’s life flash before his eyes the moment you manage to lift him up. Who has managed to lift him up before? Apparently you now.

He stays silent, shocked, and confused for about five or more seconds till he finally lets out a chuckle.

He can't believe it! He's being carried! He can’t stop himself from grinning from utter disbelief.

He’s even more enamored by you now, utterly delighted by this otherworldly experience.

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[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

"your top 15 favourite tv shows can say a lot about your personality!"

Thank you so much for the tag @morkofday 🥰

How could I rank my top shows? They all mean so much to me and are all from different times in my life and from different genres... I can't compare Gilmore Girls to Moonlight Chicken! So without a rating here we go!

Gilmore Girls

The show I watch to feel cozy and comfy! Most of the times I do a rewatch of my favorite episodes in autumn/winter and just enjoy Stars Hollow and all the quirky characters. And I am a huge fan of Lorelei... not her love life, but she is a strong and independet woman and I love that.

Moonlight Chicken

What can I say? I love EarthMix and GeminiFourth! And the story was more of a family drama and something different than the usual GmmTV stuff. The story of letting go of the past and starting a new future, which is scary with all its obstacles, really captured me and I still think of it from time to time.

Pushing Daisies

I love this bitter-sweet story of the unlucky pie baker and the love of his life never been able to touch each other but love each other nevertheless. The criminal cases were interesting and I enjoyed the colorful scenery, but nothing could top my love for Lee Pace. This man...

Unknown

My new favorite show. I loved it from beginning to end. And I don't want to let go of them. The hurt is still too fresh to talk about them 😭 Their story was so well written and the actors were so good in portraying the characters and their inner monologues and thoughts and I love it so much!

Love for Love's Sake

The one show I will never be able to get over. The feelings I felt after it ended were not normal! I was heartbroken! This series means so much to me and Myungha will be forever one of my favorite characters ever! The story is unique and beautiful and so deep! Damn, that is such a good show!

It's okay to not be okay

This show that broke me on so many levels. The amount of tears I shed! It was really a journey and I loved the characters and their growth.

Queer as Folk

I was obsessed with this show and him, Brian Kinney! The topics they showed were, and still are, so important and relevant. It is not just some gay men fucking, but different stories about the community and their problems, fears, breakthroughs and their every day life. And Debbie will be forever this iconic mother figure for all of them and for us too.

The Untamed

I don't know how many shows broke me, but this one... this one hurt so good! It is such a masterpiece of a series. What is good and what is evil and aren't there multiple ways to get to the same goal? There is so much love in this series and so much pain. At its peak I cried for 15 minutes straight... One of my all time favorites, but I couldn't rewatch it yet. The pain is still too real. I convinced my best friend to watch it and now she is mad at me and can't go on with it, because the same scene broke her too and now she is afraid of more pain to come. I understand her so well!

A Breeze of love

Most of the times there is this one show a year that blows me away and I can't get a grip in life afterwards. This year is somehow different as there are already two shows that had this effect on me, but for 2023 it was this here. It is such a simple story and there was nothing special about their story, but I adored it to the max and I rewatched it multiple times. I can't really tell why I love it so much, I just do.

Eureka

This is one of the shows that can easily play in the background when I am doing other things, because I know it by heart. The amount of times I rewatched that is not normal and even though I don't really like the last season that much, the first three are hilarious and just so good!

Friends

And another one I know by heart and could rewatch all the time. This show feels safe and there are so many memories connected here. I watched it after a bad breakup to give me some comfort or when I had a huge fight with my best friend, those friends were there for me. And even now I watch a few episodes when I feel down, because they can lift me up so easily.

Once Again

Aaaand we have another one that broke me! Hurray! Guess I love cozy and comforting shows and those which totally destroy me. Great for me! This one had me sobbing during the whole last two episodes. I have my problems with time travelling, and I don't say it was a good execution here, but I just don't care, because the story is unique and special and I love it.

Be My Favorite

The one that broke me and healed me withing hours. The beginning might be a little bit cringy, but it easily became one of my favorite shows out there. It feels so good to see the character growth and all the love that comes within. I still think about them very fondly.

A Tale Of Thousand Stars

This back hug alone made it one of my favorite shows of all times. But for real, this started my EarthMix-love and I am still not over them. The story is beautiful and the scenery is stunning and the pining is perfect and I have so many emotions about them and this show!

Star Trek - The Next Generation

Since I can remember I am a little trekkie, but only TNG. I love the cast and their adventures. I had a huge crush on Wesley when I was a kid. I watched his episodes so many times, it would be embarrassing, but that was what little Josi's heart wanted... Favorite character is by far Q. All of his episodes are hilarious and brilliant!

It was really difficult to break it down to only 15, because I love TV shows and there are some that I wish I could have put up here, but the rules are the rules.

I am as always lost who did this and who did not, so feel free to ignore me, if you don't want to or already did it! I am tagging @wen-kexing-apologist @pose4photoml @twig-tea and @troubled-mind

[hislittleraincloud]

Fandom fic thoughts no one asked for:

I am highly, highly against Wednesday having any dialogue in which she speaks like her parents to her loved ones, i.e. all of that "Mon cher!" garbage towards Enid. It's cringey:

1. It's traditionally romantic and excessively cheesy, and [Ortega's] Wednesday is not. She just isn't, and y'all should know better. ETA: In regards to love, her parents are like Pepe Le Pew and a willing/enamored skunk (I forget if Pepe ever found his equal, but I do remember the girl cat got 🧠 'ed into behaving like Pepe usually does, which gave him a taste of his own psycho stalker medicine...ah, we had some fkd up cartoons back in the day). Wednesday would be like Michigan J. Frog...animated with only one person, in private...and that's still not a guarantee that she would ever want to emulate her mother, with whom we know that there are severe issues between them. Ridiculous, exaggerated displays of affection define Gomez and Morticia. To have Wednesday behave like that would be sacrificing the one thing that keeps her from turning into a total clone of them.

She can end up wanting to have love and a partner, and even a family, but that does not change the public mask [of a narcissist], and the notion that she would be perceived exactly like her mother upsets her. Direct reasons aren't given by the show, but by how they interact, we can see that Wednesday believes that 'everything is a competition'...but it's not [Morticia's] accomplishments that she rattles off that are the problem; it's somewhere, Wednesday picked up some terrible, terrible "I'm not good enough, I will never be as good as she is" blows to her psyche. From Wednesday's POV, she believes her mother is a narcissist (her self-awareness of her own narcissism is for its own post); only a narcissist would purposefully break someone else's chances of either being equal to or surpassing their greatness, and they get envious (and ego hurt) when it happens.

(...God, now I wanna program Ortega's voice to sing the fkn frog's song 🤣💀)

2. She doesn't want to be like her parents, and that would just...make her be more like her parents. This is the most major personal growth theme in the whole of the show, and it can't be ignored, otherwise it just turns Ortega's Wednesday into a generic iteration of a 'Wednesday character'. If it were one drabble or fic, alright, that's AU, but I see it in nine out of ten Wenclair 'drabbles' (if you can call straight-on dialogue shorts drabbles...we did not, back in the day) that clog up my fyp.

3. Her parents are extremely cultured and speak those love languages/romance languages as a whole together, to each other. Enid is not that kind of cultured at all (she can't spell, has bad grammar, and is just not interested in the same things Wednesday is). Enid would think it was cute, too, and Wednesday doesn't do cute, either (ever! EVER.**).

4. Again, Wednesday doesn't want to be like her parents, and it would be unfunnily mortifying to her to speak like that in public and in front of other people, even if she were fucking Enid. In private? See #1 and 2.

5. In Afterburn: It pained me to have her let slip the Spanish to Donovan on her birthday, but I did it because it was an unintentional slip, it was in private, and it wasn't a pet name, it was a command. She is very much like her mother in bed, but she also knows that Donovan isn't as cultured as her parents, and thus, she will refrain from that "mon cher/mon amour/whatever non-English pet names" crap.

6. There are so many other things Wednesday could call Enid (or Tyler, or Xavier, or whoever the Hell's she's paired with) without becoming a clone of her mother. Resorting to Gomez and Morticia's horribly cloying phrases is not charming, it's laziness. *channeling my inner Bianca here*

7. Now this goes back to #2 and #4, but on that note: There are obvious issues between Wednesday and her mother, and sounding like her disturbs the Hell out of her (or behaving like her, which is why Wednesday's eyes just about shit themselves in different directions when Fester said that her "death stare of disapproval reminded him of her mother").

It's almost like she has a glass eye.👀 It's there bc the AI picked it up hard I guess & it affected my outputs.

There is no way in Hell, no matter how juicy-tasty Enid's furry twat is, that Wednesday would suddenly decide that she should mimic Morticia.

I know all of this is gonna piss off a whole lot of people, but I don't care. It's not Wednesdaying right to have her call anyone by the same pet names her parents use, no matter how fluffy the relationship is. She just doesn't do relationships the same way her parents do. It's far more OOC to do that than even my pairing her up with Donovan is (which needs its own reasoning, probably in a different rant).

Rant over, and y'all can keep goin', but that's not gonna make the dialogue sound any less terrible and embarrassing.

**Afterburn Wednesday does do 'cute' with Donovan in private, but it's because of the fundamental differences from N/Canon attached to her core personality, i.e. she's hypersexual and has some regression issues here and there. Even still, she has a very hard time calling him any pet names because once again for those in the back: She does not want to be like her parents or associate her love with her parents' love, even as she recognizes that she is a lot like her mother. 🤷🏽‍♂️

(Also, I just read an incorrect assumption. Morgues have blood samples. They don't keep whole ass blood bags like blood banks/hospitals do. Get that right before you write me some Yoko & Wednesday.)

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

person i got the image from did a great takedown but i’d like to hear your thoughts. apologies for the long link.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/311f7b4b715f10b0348b193a4052d2d7/d15b73343c42378a-bb/s1280x1920/0275e731e2a174150f41ca47438558bf3dad1684.jpg

"Violent tantrums" what an odd way of saying "emotional breakdown due to intense grief, and that Katara is upset by not because she feelts threatened but because SEEING HER BEST FRIEND IN SUCH RAGE AND PAIN HURTS HER"

And yeah, Katara never reached out to comfort/soothe Zuko when he was in battle mode - because he was an enemy. One that was constantly attacking her, and not because of a fit of rage (even though he was prone to such behavior) but because he was supporting the systematic oppression and murder of anyone that wasn't on his side because that's how he was raised.

Of course Katara didn't try to calm him down, because Zuko was not acting out of anger but out of RACISM and INDOCTRINATION. She didn't try to reason with him because Zuko simply could not be reasoned with, at least not by a conversation with someone he saw as inherently inferior. There's a reason his arc had him being banished, then becoming a wanted fugitive, and finally a refugee in Ba Sing Se - if he had never been forced to truly experience the damage his nation was causing he would have never realized it was wrong.

It doesn't matter how much zutarians try to lie about it, only one of those two characters ever knowingly, deliberately put Katara in harms way, only of them was TRYING to be a threat, to intimidate her into obeying him, and it wasn't Aang.

If they want to ship Zutara, they need to either deal with the fact that it started out as two people being enemies because one of them literally couldn't understand that other races are not lesser people, or they make a modern AU in which there was no war so that element can be dropped. Trying to pretend Zutara was not rooted in violence and intimidation (at least at the start) but freaking Kataang was is ridiculous, pathetic, and proves that for all their talk about "liking a more complext dynamic" is nonsense because they're TERRIFIED of engaging with the one narrative element that would actually make their ship complex.

They want the "hate turns to love" aspect without going into WHY that hatred existed, because it wouldn't be the typical "both sides had something to learn", but rather "one side was actively racist and thus hostile, and the other was just reacting to it." They want to praise Zuko for learning from his mistakes, but they insist on sweeping said mistakes under the rug. They want to put him in the role of Katara's hero and hope for a better life, when he actually spent 5/6 of the show being the bad guy ruining her life, putting her and her loved ones in danger.

This is why the fanon dynamic of Zutara is racist and even misogynistic, while the canon one isn't, even though both involve Katara forgiving Zuko and growing to care for him: the show was interested in using Zuko's warped world-view to deconstruct it and make him change for the better, but the zutara fandom at large only seems interested in making up excuses for him, and thus robbing both Zuko and Katara of their complexities, as Zuko's growth is negated and Katara's righteous anger is not allowed to exist.

Zuko and Katara's canon friendship is about a bad person being forgiven when they realized they made a mistake and genuinely changing into someone worth admiring. Zutara's fanon romance is about a bunch of enablers pretending Zuko wasn't ever racist, hostile, and violent towards Katara.

[arabaka]

hello everynyan !!!!!!!!!!!!!! how are you !!!!!!!!!!! (jokes aside) i missed you all! i wanted to give an update on this blog and my wellbeing. but i also wanted to be transparent! i’ll include a TL;DR so if you want more info, please look under the cut!

LOVE  YOU ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

original pinned post

TL;DR:

ill be going by my first name now! names jackie, pleasure to meet everybody!

i have bpd and that resulted in me having a terrible breakdown that ended up hurting my friends. i have since made amends and strengthened the bonds with SO many people. 

there is someone i engaged with frequently on my blog i have since blocked. i ask that you be mindful of sending me mp100 fanfic/fanart. i won’t disclose this person’s identity.

i’m BACK! so expect to see me <3

as some of you may know, i suffer from BPD and am believed to be on the spectrum. BPD stands for borderline personality disorder. some quick notes on this disorder and what it entails:

Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that severely impacts a person’s ability to manage their emotions. This loss of emotional control can increase impulsivity, affect how a person feels about themselves, and negatively impact their relationships with others.

People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves. Their feelings for others can change quickly, and swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike. These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain.

People with borderline personality disorder also tend to view things in extremes, such as all good or all bad. Their interests and values can change quickly, and they may act impulsively or recklessly.

now people with bpd experience something called splitting and this is:

BPD splitting is a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD). It’s when a person sees everything as black or white, good or bad, or best or worst. Splitting is a defense mechanism people living with BPD use to deal with emotions (such as the fear of abandonment) that they cannot handle. 

this past week, i had the worst episode ive had in a long time and some of you may have seen it going by the last few posts on my blog. i was incredibly volatile, distrusting, and upset but worst of all, i let that affect my relationships. i vented to some people, very similar to the sentiment i was posting on here, but i also said some pretty hurtful things that made these people feel like i discredited their love by saying i didn’t feel that way from anyone. but the thing with bpd, and a lot of other mental illnesses/disorders… it warps our perception and our view on reality. 

all these people wanted to do, like many of you, is help and i pushed it all away preemptively due to past trauma was rejection and abandonment. but this hurt one of the most important people in my life and on top of that, i subtweeted that person on a venting insta for the purpose of hurting them. it’s a big regret of mine and i’ve vowed to NEVER let that happen again to ANYONE. 

mental illness/disorders can explain your reactions and actions but should not excuse it.

i have since made amends with my best friend and everything is back to normal, if not better because i have a new appreciation for her and our unbreakable bond.

but i can’t say the same for someone else, someone that i engaged with pretty often and someone that was special to me.

but i learned that this person… was never a good friend. 

they showed their true colors and showed that they were not as supportive as i thought. now, that’s not to absolve myself of any blame! because i did hurt them too! but instead of being open to communication and growth, they said i had hurt them several times without ever bringing this up to me. they expected me to listen to their venting but suddenly couldn’t when it came to me. that they didn't have the capacity to do so. yet, were upset that i didn't confide in them?

this person is out of my life now. i’ve blocked them on everything. i won’t disclose who this person is but i will be triggered by their art/writing for a long time. again, even though this person has disappointed me greatly and hurt me in turn (with other things i will not go into), i do not wish any hate on them. with that being said, please let me know who the creator is before you share any mob psycho fanart/fanfic with me and i’ll let you know if it’s okay or not.

fortunately though, this taught me a lesson. a lesson in appreciating my friends (AND ALL OF YOU!!!), trusting their word, AND watching what i do and say so i don’t hurt people.

moving on to my content, i am going to be BACK!!! back and posting!!! so expect my ass B) 

we’re back to normal, we’re healthy and we’re striving for growth!!!

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Longass Crop Circles Notes (I Don't Think I've Changed Chapter Two):

I don't want to talk about how many weeks these notes have been sitting in my notes app because I couldn't bring myself to go through them yet. My sincere apologies @spicymiilk

-Ah that incredibly relatable feeling when you want to get to one part of your story and you have to force yourself to slog through to get to it. It happens to us all.

-KIRI AND LO’AK GOING TO SPECIAL SCHOOL WHILE NETEYAM IS REGULAR IS SO FUNNY TO ME. Poor Lo’ak I’m being so mean to him. But you really want their asses GONE gone.

-Calling Jake a white man and saying he can’t understand their hair is so funny. Dude NEVER helped with ANY of his kids hair ever??? He’s never done Neytiri’s for her because he’s her bitch? Come on Jake, I expected more. Even I’ve done my cousins hair a few times. Maybe Spider will fare better?

-Obsessed with the way Neteyam is about his morning routine and solitude, it jives so well with my opinion of him. He’s got to have things his way, and under his control. Taken care of well. He’s going to have a field day with Spider. I see we are already leaning heavily into Neteyam’s "I can fix him" complex. Even when he wants to help Jake, which I know is something wheelchair users don’t often want if it’s something they do all the time themselves. It’s the innate feeling of standing by and doing nothing while watching someone struggle, when it’s their day to day life. And if that isn’t Neteyam’s whole thing? I’m obsessed with how he just cannot handle anyone else’s bad vibes without trying to fix it right away. Speaking of;

-If there is not a moment where Jake allows Neteyam to help him when he needs it, I will throw myself off a bridge, Andrei. ~growth~ the opportunity is there and it’s ripe.

-JAKE AND NETEYAM BANTER, I did not realize I was in a drought until I got a little bit of rain and I realized I was DYING OF THIRST. PARCHED FOR THEM.

-Jake “Detective” Sully: You are gay, son, try not to be too gay to the new foster kid you stalk at the local Micky Ds.

-I am literally obsessed with My Father Jake Sully who was neglected and hurt as a child being the most desperate man alive to connect with and heal kids in the same situation he was in. It fits so so well in his character for me. I feel like he spends most of his life trying to heal old wounds and make up for the past, in a way.

-Neteyam “I thought this kid was named Miles for years but I guess legally on his birth certificate it def must say Spider because it couldn’t be a nickname, that’s for sure” Sully

-I am CACKLING at them both lying to each other about McDonalds as though they both don’t know exactly how often the other one is there because they both find the other hot I’m dead.

-Spider mad at Norm for enforcing child labour laws has me wanting to make memes about it. The children truly do yearn for the mines.

-All the tiny little details of how Spider focuses on the people around him, on their moods and their movements and the way his brain works is so well done. That survival mindset takes years and years to unlearn, if you ever can fully. It’s well done as always.

-OH MY GOD EVEN NEYTIRI ALSO THINKS NETEYAM IS BEING TOO GAY THIS IS AMAZING.

-Justice for Jake, I will get him one of the cars paralyzed people can drive. Also his joke about driving Neytiri up the wall? HE’S A COMEDIAN. GET HIM A NETFLIX SPECIAL.

-Spider can’t look at Tuk because he was close with a little abused foster girl, where is the nearest bridge. NO REST FOR US, ANDREI?? ALL THE PAIN AND TRAUMA POSSIBLE CRAMMED INTO ONE EPIC.

-God the line about Spider’s therapist saying that his habit will lead him down a dangerous path, but he doesn’t understand why because he only ever hurts himself because he doesn’t see damage to himself as damage because he doesn’t see himself as worthy? Not worthy of the phone, of food, of attention or love? Truly my fav paragraph of the chapter. You are a master at establishing a character in a few subtle lines. It's a tactic that I only get after a few rewrites; instead of saying "Neteyam wants to fix everyone" you show us him in a situations where he wants to and can't help. Instead of telling me Spider doesn't care for his own safety, you tell me he's confused by his therapist saying his coping is dangerous. Instead of saying emotion, tell me something that would make me feel that emotion. Writing 101, and yet so hard to pull off properly.

-I laughed out loud at Neteyam trying not to look at Spider’s muscles I am dying. Neteyam should ask him out loud.

-EVEN TUK HAS IT ON LOCK, SHE SAYS NETEYAM HAS A THING FOR PEOPLE WHO SOUND A LITTLE SAD. This is so not funny but so funny because it’s all specifically for me.

-Neteyam later in life is like that dumbass gum commercial where the guy reveals he’s been keeping the gum wrappers every time the girl gives him one and drawing on them when and where she gave it to him? That’s Neteyam when the piles and piles of smiley face receipts fall out of his trench coat pockets.

-“I didn’t realize that was you” filthy liar. Spider’s smiley face drawing rizz is crazy. You bet your ass he wasn't doing that to every fuckers receipts.

-WHAT ON EARTH IS LO’AK DOING AT SMART PERSON SCHOOL, EVEN YOU DON’T KNOW ANDREI.

-THE CUTE BOY AT THE WINDOW ASKED FOR HIS NUMBER? AS IN, SPIDER, PHONELESS SPIDER, OR ANOTHER SNEAKY BASTARD BUTTING IN.

-Also these people have real memory problems, I’ve never forgotten any awkward interaction I’ve ever had in my entire life, especially not with a crush. I couldn't hear my crush at a party last year and I just laughed and said yeah and she was like "no I asked what you think" and not a single day goes by it doesn't play behind my eyelids like the DVD in The Ring. So, unless Spider has asked every single man at McDonalds out, he remembers when he asked a guy out and the guy sped off like he had a warrant out from Dominic Toretto.

-Oh my god, it was Spider. And this man sURVIVED that encounter? This man who can’t survive a strong breeze rn? What was he going to do with number, call him from phone booths? Send smoke signals to the write telephone wire? I am cackling at the idea that he had rehearsed this so many times and yet never actually thought through not having a phone.

-The smiley face on the paper. That revived Spider from his death post awkward encounter. There will be smiley faces on the invitations to their wedding and only Tuk will understand.

[kiisaes]

Thoughts on Endeavor?

i think he's a horrible guy but a great character. he reminds me a lot of my own dad (minus all of the. erm. unforgivable abuse and all. it's mostly vibes and motivations in my dad's case, none of the actual heinous shit) so it's hard for me to genuinely like endeavor, but at the same time i'm drawn to how his character develops. he's like a little case study for me. a little lab rat in the lab of my mind, if you will

pairing bakugou up with endeavor in terms of similar arcs was both a blessing and a curse imo. they both deal with atonement and not necessarily requiring any forgiveness from whom they hurt, and i think the emphasis on such an arc really benefits both characters. they're both introduced as unlikable individuals who have hurt others for seemingly no reason, but we learn through time their reasons for their actions. so that's why it's a blessing — really cool character writing that also aligns with the series' themes of always wanting to get better and to be a proper hero without the arbitrary status that comes with it. both are given ample time to change their worldviews and their interactions with others too

but it's also a curse because though bakugou and endeavor have similar arcs, they are so WILDLY different in scale. i wince every time i see someone compare bakugou's middle school bullying era with endeavor's LITERAL REPEATED AND INCREASINGLY WORSE ABUSE, and even worse, when they use that as justification as to why bakugou can never become a better person. as if bakugou at his silly ages of 5-14 could EVER do something as horrible as endeavor abusing his entire family and emotionally scarring all of them, which includes his eldest son straight up turning to villainy, his only daughter growing up too fast by trying to keep her broken family alive because there isn't a mother in the house anymore, his middle son straight up hating him and his youngest son refusing to use his fire side in order to get back at him. his wife grew increasingly less emotionally stable and burnt her youngest son due to the pain endeavor was causing her, and had to get sent to a mental institute in order to recover. all bakugou did was bully a little too many times for comfort, which is unfortunately rather common for kids and young teens. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME.

the thing is, i genuinely think endeavor is an interesting character and i want to see where horikoshi is going with him. it's obvious that his entire family does not forgive him yet, and they may never will, due to the withstood damage he's done. he may work towards atonement but may never be redeemed and might even face his crimes in the court of law (which i think would be funny over everything. imagine endeavor in a courtroom.)

but i do think a lot of people very easily disregard his characterization and development because of his sincerely awful first impression. it's hard to empathize with an abusive father who has repeatedly hurt not only one family member, but all five of them. and it's pretty common knowledge that we shouldn't give abusers the time of day, because they'll take it and run

which is absolutely true in the real world, but turns murky when you apply it to endeavor who is clearly trying to better himself. and we know that because there's this fun thing called "looking at a character's POV as an omnipotent reader instead of as another character". we aren't rei, shouto, or anyone else who had the misfortune of being endeavor's family. we're able to see his growth completely detached from his self, so the whole "abusers can never become better, they will just keep abusing" argument works far less for us. we can apply it to real abusers, because we're not in their heads. but we are in endeavor's head sometimes. and it makes his interactions with his family, who clearly don't trust him yet, all the more interesting. like this is one of my favorite pages in the manga for a reason

IT'S SO AWKWARD it's so funny there's so much unaddressed family issues that all stem from endeavor being a piece of shit. like the fact that bkdk are there and have no idea what the fuck to even say, because they're outsiders in this family drama. it's a no-brainer that endeavor was a terrible father and all but it still leads to scenes like these, where the reader can indulge in just how uncomfortable he makes his family. it's so silly

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i think endeavor is a character worth existing and analyzing, especially because of his purpose in the narrative and its themes. he sucks, yeah, and i will probably never grow to actually like him as an individual. he will never scrape the top 10s or even 20s or even 30s in my favorite character lists. but i think reducing his character to just "shitty abusive father who everyone should hate by default because he's a shitty abusive father" detracts from the overall worth he provides. you can hate him, but you can also, regardless, enjoy what he brings to the table. at least that's how it's like for me

it does, however, annoy me when some endeavor apologists just. don't recognize that he abused anyone at all. like bruh are you for real. what do you think his arc is even about

[b2emo]

jyn x cassian and the quote "there's so much more I wanted to tell you" before getting either blasted by the death star or seperated indefinitely.

rIP my heart out why don’t you

ah okay… i couldn’t resist writing the latter. here you go, anon!

~

Cassian thought he would feel more… triumphant. With the war over, there’d be not much more work to go on. He could settle, peacefully.

With Jyn.

And now, he realizes, it could happen, it will, but not in the way he had hoped. It was happening in the way he always suspected… dare Cassian say the way he was cursed with since the day he was born.

“Cassian? Please, just hold on a little longer.” Jyn.

She was everything. Looking at her now, he realizes that too. He knows the way her hair falls when she takes it out, why she got that scar on her left thigh (vibroblade accident). He knows that she cries at the ends of books and watches too many holos when she gets the time to. He knows how to make her laugh… and he knows how to make her cry. And yet, they still have so much to learn about each other.

But no time to do it.

Have they ever had an abundance of it? Cassian would be foolish to think so. He’s always been logical, straight to the point, honest to an extent. Maybe they did, there on Scarif, and they used up their chances before they even knew they had any. He should’ve left with Jyn then. Full throttle, no comms.

Jyn brushes back his sweat-soaked hair, tears making streaks down her dirty cheeks. There’s chaos around her; he can see it. Dirt is flying, people are screaming. Battle wasn’t always his cup of caf. He liked the sidelines. Endor came without much prenup or warning, and they were always the impulsive type. It was another battle to hide behind; Cassian wasn’t ever considered a hero and he liked that. He thinks Jyn did, too.

He’s fading.

“Jyn?”

It hurts to talk. He tries to swallow, but it aches like he swallowed surabat grain straight. It’s not the nice, slow-pour whisky burn. He’ll miss that.

Her eyes are wide as she gazes at him with what he can see— no, feel— as all the love in the world. They were always so welcoming and open, even when he thought he couldn’t stand the sight of her in that damn U-wing. She looked at him and saw who he really was, because they were the same. That was why. So many times had he tried to deny it, but there wasn’t any reason or justification to. It was just that the mirror always, always hurt.

And yet, through Jyn he learned to forgive himself. To move on. Growth doesn’t happen without pain. There’s no forward without a push. He struggled, but she was there for him to guide him, love him, hold him.

His arm raises and she holds it, carrying its weight so he can place his hand on her cheek. With a weak, subtle gesture, he wipes her tears away and manages the softest of smiles; distant, but there. Jyn can’t help but return it.

“There’s so much more… I wanted to tell you,” He manages. His mouth tastes like iron.

Jyn already feels so much weight already behind that conjunction of words, having heard them once before. Funny, how loss always finds her.

Them.

She sniffles, frowning and pouting the same way she did when she was a little girl. She knows they don’t have time.

They never did.

[hail-gail]

Peoples, writers, gremlins of the fandom variety, please for the love of the craft and characters, please let them laugh. Not dark little laughs or morose chuckles (even though those make me weak), but actual laughs. Let them feel something other than the oppressive darkness or constant pain. Ease their pain and let them breathe.

In my experience with some really dark times, I laughed, and I smiled, and it was all genuine because for the life of me I could not conjure the energy or ability to fake that sort of thing. And when it was over, when I was left alone with myself, it hurt all the worse. You don't realize what kind of pain you were in until you spend some time without it, and your resistance to it, your tolerance, it weakens and the darkness is soul-crushing, the pain intolerable.

This not only applies to the characters but also to the readers. If the character is constantly suffering and whining, then the reader will become used to and even jaded to the pain. You get the picture, yes?

Now, originally this was going to be a more wholesome post, but it turned dark. Now I will say on the side that even if you aren't trying to kill your readers with the feels, this is still something that should happen. Being around the people that are in my circle makes me laugh most every day. If you have a funny character, the people around said character should at least sometimes laugh. If there is good banter between characters, let someone laugh, even while in agony. Laughter is medicine, and laughter is how many people chose to cope with life's dark side. We make jokes and poke fun and laugh at some of the most morbid things, and we do it to alleviate the pressure. You either laugh or you cry. Now, I know some people would never dare make dark jokes, just take it as an opportunity to add diversity to the story. It won't kill either of us if you do.

And yes, not everyone is like me, surrounded by good people who make them laugh, and I say to that, reflect that in your writing. That is a great way to show the difference in people's backgrounds. Character A might be a somewhat sensitive person who can't take person B's jokes, and person B doesn't know why A is always upset at him. B could have grown around people who liked to roast each other for fun in a more good-natured way while if A had ever received comments like those from B from people in her circle they were always intended for the worst. A situation like this can offer many opportunities for you including character growth or inter-personal contention.

Additionally, laughter shows pieces of what a person is. I speak this literally and not just fictionally. The way someone laughs, what they laugh at, when they laugh, and the attitude with which they laugh all show them for what they are. I do not think I need go into much more on this point as most probably have filled in the blanks already.

Laughing is a big part of human nature, and to leave it out is to leave out one of the most human characteristics you can give your characters. I don't want to sound like no one lets any of their characters laugh at all, far from it. I just want to bring the subject to your collective attention for consideration as it is a tool that I personally feel is underutilized and kind of underappreciated. This post turned out different from what I intended...

[moonspirit]

When Armin sees the scars on Annie’s back wont he connect the dots back to her father? Won’t he feel angry that Annie continues seeing him even after he made her life a living hell as a child?

Hi anon! I'm assuming your questions are framed in context of VBEOW.

An excerpt from Time Falls like Moonlight:

And Annie’s father - he doesn’t really like him, because he’d seen the memory of a small, timid boy following Annie home one afternoon after he’d become curious about the angry red marks - welts - on her shoulders during training, and, hidden behind a wall, watched her getting kicked by an angry father. She’d taken it without complaint, without a single noise, without a single tear. Those kicks were harsh. Cruel. Painful. The timid boy had done nothing, just continued to watch. And this memory would never, ever, leave Armin. Armin doesn’t really like him - but he’s Annie’s father, who she’d wanted to come back to for years, who she’d struggled to stay alive for. It’s not his place to say anything for now.

From this it's obvious that he's seen Bertholdt's memories of following Annie home one day and watching her get beat up. So he knows about the scars. Armin does know how she got them and who gave them to her. He knows exactly what her childhood was like.

In this series, and now in VBEOW, Annie has a... 'functioning' relationship with her father (you'll bear witness to this in Ch 9). It's no longer frightening, but it's also not very warm. While Annie has to deal with her childhood abuse through Aoife's issues, she's not going to be beaten/abused by her dad again - I'm not taking this story down that route (for several reasons). Annie's journey of change and growth will be different.

Armin's role in this aspect, on the other hand, is one of respect for Annie's decisions. What Armin wants to give her, as he mentions in his letter in Time Falls Like Moonlight, again:

"... Love her in all the ways it is possible to love her and maybe someday, the pain that rests in the scars on her back will no longer be a bad memory."

This is his priority. To give her a happy life in her (their) future as opposed to a hellish life back in her childhood. Freedom for Annie in her life, her choices, her time, because she never had freedom before. In this fic, he respects the decisions she makes and won't interfere with what she does or doesn't do, unless of course, she gets hurt. And she's not getting hurt by her father anymore here (as I said, not going that route).

As for her scars, he can't get rid of them, but he hopes to instead, overwrite the pain they carry, with love and care.

(However, I will say that we'll see a very angry Armin much later on, for something else. Personally, I'm dying to write this moment as well T//////T)

[loquaciousquark]

domesticity meme!!! 13 & 37

37. what would they do if the other one was hurt?

Ohhhhhh heavens! Let me dig into the ...how many words do I have on AO3 right now? WHAAAAAAT LET ME DIG INTO MY APPARENTLY 1,184,730 WORDS when in the world did I break that million word marker!! Oh--probably with the backlog I posted from early FF.net days--though now that I think about that, that's probably not more than 80k words. Incredible!

Anyway. The answer is they fucking hover. Both of them, clingy as limpets. Hawke hovers and tells bad jokes; Fenris hovers and gets mad. They're both protective to a fault--and I mean that, it's really not healthy for either of them. Fortunately, they don't get hurt much, and when they do they mostly heal quickly. At least the way I hurt them, anyway. Mostly.

Part of the problem is Hawke's determination to prevent pain for all others by taking all of it herself. She's the richest, the most socially powerful, the one apostate beyond Meredith's reach; if anyone poorer or weaker or shabbier than her gets hurt in any way, that means she, personally, failed to protect them and balance out the pain scales. Is that healthy? No! Is that going to make anyone else happy to avoid that pain? No! Does that matter? No!

So in contrast, Fenris's "keep your head down, protect yourself first" attitude provides some of that necessary counterbalancing. Also, if Hawke getting hurt would cause Fenris pain, it's no longer a perfect preferable option, so she can't default to that as her first response anymore.

Is this healthy growth? Ehhh, close enough.

13. favorite sexual activity?

Under the cut, just in case!

Also, fair warning: going to discuss Danarius pretty frankly here. That said, I think they're both reasonably adventurous! Hawke only had one long-term partner in Lothering and a few stolen kisses during the Meeran year before Fenris shows up, so I don't think she's nearly as experienced as Fenris is. I think she'd enjoy anything that prolongs the experience of the intimacy (edging) or relies heavily on intimate trust (light bondage, blindfolding). She also unashamedly loves being the center of attention and is perfectly happy to entertain herself while Fenris watches.

She doesn't get a lot out of spanking/flogging and would not find giving up all of her control a pleasurable experience, not just because of her personality, but because as a mage losing control of herself is possibly her most fundamental horror. I don't think she could ever let go in a sexual context (especially to a non-mage who will never really understand that struggle) without breaking part of her mind in the process. She's also completely incapable of taking a roleplay scene seriously, though I'm sure she'd try if Fenris asked.

That said, anything that Fenris likes is very, very high on her list. She very seriously wants him to enjoy everything they do, preferably with very little pain involved, and I think in the early reunion days she's almost overly focused on him to the point it makes him uncomfortable. Still, she's got enough natural selfishness that doesn't last overly long, and they find a pleasant equilibrium soon enough.

Fenris is so much trickier. I have some extremely complicated headcanons about whether the things he likes are things that Danarius trained him to like vs. his own natural preference and his struggles to figure out if that matters over the years, and I definitely think that extends to his sexual preferences. I think at the start with Hawke he's deathly afraid of bringing in anything he ever did with Danarius (because if Danarius enjoyed it, what kind of monster would it make him if he has some of those fantasies too? If he gets pleasure out of the same act Danarius did, is that not poisoning Hawke in the same way Danarius poisoned him?).

And the thing is, I don't think the things that interest him are even necessarily that exotic! I think he likes being pegged so long as he can see Hawke the whole time; I think he likes very mild D/s (both sides); I think he likes giving oral. I think he knows he's incredibly good at it on both men and women (see again: my beliefs about how Danarius deployed his abilities), and I think he finds tremendously empowering pleasure in applying these skills in a way he has chosen for himself, on a person he cares about, rather than on some object of his master as part of a dispassionate political manipulation. I think Fenris also knows he is very, very good at this in general and likes having that honed skill recognized by his partner; that it's someone he loves and who loves him is a new bonus layer to the experience. I even think he'd be okay with light binding eventually, though neither of them is ever going to be interested in shibari or anything like that. Still, it takes a long time to get him to even begin opening up about some of this stuff, even with Hawke.

I do think he has a major praise kink, on that topic. But God, it has to be done such a specific way to ring true for me; for me, the idea of Hawke calling him any nicknames which infantilize him or force shame is just an instant hard stop brick wall. Any banter, nickname or otherwise, anything that implies shameful inexperience (or shameful EXperience), lack of control, extreme youth/naivete, or otherwise undermines his dignity and pride, is just--ugh, please no. (I read a fic once where he was called "baby boy" for most of it and I just couldn't get over how much it made my skin crawl. It may work for other Hawkes & Fenrises, but man, not for mine.) He's scraped his pride out of absolutely nothing and for many years it was literally the only thing of worth he had, and even in play I don't think Hawke could stand to see him humiliated. On that note, I think Danarius used to call him "my dear," and Hawke never calls him that as a result. Pretty much other pet name is on the docket, though.

Other than that, I think Fenris also just gets a kick out of sex where he gets to enjoy himself. His control is immaculate and I think he likes exploiting that against Hawke; I think knowing he's going to for sure have a good time at the end regardless makes him more interested in holding out as long as possible some nights.

I do think Hawke has a marginally higher sex drive than Fenris, but again, she's perfectly happy to take care of herself when Fenris is either out or not in the mood. Thankfully, he's also completely okay with this.

[sunnywalnut]

Who does one believe? The one who's known and cared for you for 19 years, removing you from the outside world when it has been deemed too dangerous, or the one who has known you for weeks but her job is to help you create sustainable growth and opens up new possibilities, ones that might prove to be very dangerous?

What is more harmful, in this case? The lack of choice, or the possibility of making the wrong one(perhaps devastatingly so)?

Is one ever really truly an adult if every big choice they have made has backfired on them?

Is one ever really truly an adult if they are not allowed to make big choices on their own?

Is one even really an adult if they do not do adult things, yet have the mind to fill the space?

Driving, working, living.... All things that mean becoming an adult. Yet stripped away by disability.

Disabled adults are adults, yes?

So why don't I feel like one?

Why do I feel like I am sixteen, hanging around with sketchy friends and sleeping around when all I have ever done is possibly walk down the street at 10pm for next mornings breakfast?

I wasn't even allowed to be sixteen.

The pandemic stole that from me.

Instead I was seventeen, kissing girls in green rooms and making memories and dancing with strangers at school parties and becoming a sensation.

Isn't it sad?

The brightest moment in my entire life, where everyone loved me was one singular night on my senior year of high school when I hadn't touched nobody.

I was just dancing.

I had finally let go of everything.

The homophobia, transphobia, the fear of standing out, the wanting to fit in, the anxiety, the everything. And everyone loved it. I loved it.

And now here I am.

Nineteen and a jobless bum, chasing answers for health issues I've never had before and right back where I started. Depressed. A shell of who I want to be. Wanting out with no way to. One wanting to protect me from the world, others wanting me to join in their freedom.

Except freedom isn't forever.

Freedom costs money.

Freedom costs time.

And I have neither.

What even is freedom, to one who is unable to weather the storm without another's wing to shield the rain?

How do you even begin to tell someone that they are hurting you, when all they've ever wanted is to protect?

How do you even begin to fix what has been broken because you've tried?

How do you explain that you still love, but you need to breathe?

How do you even begin to try to explain that your crushed lungs and splintered ribs are in pain from hugs that only meant love?

How do you even agree that this isn't abuse, but it's still hurtful, when all pain she's ever known is abuse?

How do you get over being a villain in the eyes of the one who adored you from day one, just because you dared to step foot outside?