#these are criminally fun to make

[snouse]

another one bc im a little sad theres no canon bagel creature...savory sprinklepede variant :>

[ikiprian]

Ghost Kitchen (brought to you by criminal entrepreneur, Red Hood)

Danny’s got the easiest job in Gotham.

He works as a fry cook at a shoddily-run, independent burger joint. Hardly anyone comes in, despite prices being criminally low, and portions insanely large, and while the manager looks like the average tough-as-nails ex-con, he lets Danny mess around in the kitchen whenever the place is empty. (Which is often. This place has to be the city’s hidden gem or something!)

Mr. Manager’s the only one ever there with Danny, except for sometimes when his buddies come over to smoke and play cards. Danny would find it shady, except part of his job is not to ask questions. Literally, he was told during the interview.

(It was a weird interview. Why would they need to hire someone who’s been in a gunfight before? Like, he has, but Gotham’s idea of “hirable qualities” is so bizarre.)

So instead he whips up some killer burgers with the frozen ingredients, and basks in the praise as the guys tell him he shouldn’t have, he does too much for this joint, ain’t that friendly!

Now, Danny’s a chef on the newer side. As a teen he’d preferred the look of Nasty Burger over anything with Michelin stars, and he only really took up cooking after Jazz moved out for college. But just like ecto-exposure used to turn the groceries sentient, Danny’s low-level ecto signature imbues all his food with something historically haunted Gothamites just love! And Danny’s never been one to half-ass a job when it makes people happy.

With fresher produce, real meat, Danny’s sure he can take his dishes to the next level. It takes a couple months of badgering, but his manager finally agrees to contact the mysterious store owner, who keeps the place going, despite profits Danny knows have to be in the red.

Danny spends the morning prepping. He pours his heart into his food, eager to impress. The big boss will be here soon, and he wants to prove that despite the dangerous location, this place has real potential!

It isn’t until the Red Hood shows up that Danny realizes he’s been working for a money laundering scheme.

[spectral-honey]

AU where Jason gets his revenge by becoming a lawyer and getting joker sentenced to the death penalty

Bruce is conflicted about it but any time he tries to say anything on the subject Alfred just talks over him like "oh we're so proud of you master Jason you finished college and you didn't even use your father's extensive resources that could've easily gotten someone in this family a degree aren't we so proud master Bruce that Jason got himself a respectable profession--"

[thekidthesuperkid]

No Bruce is not "fine with being friends with people who kill all the time"

1) if you're referring to Diana she doesn't kill people all the time, she only kills in very extreme circumstances when she's forced to bc theres no other option, and it's only happened like three times total

2) Bruce very much is not fine with it when Diana kills. When she killed Maxwell Lord, it was written for the sole purpose of breaking up the Trinity for Infinity Crisis drama reasons, and Diana killing was chosen because Bruce (and Clark) would not be fine with it. At all

3) if you're referring to Ghostmaker, Bruce also isn't fine with him killing people and tries to stop him

4) if you're referring to Oliver Queen, they're not friends

5) if you're referring to Talia, Bruce also isn't fine with her killing people, and continuously has conflict with her about it

6) if you're referring to Helena, they're not friends and also Bruce treats her almost worse than Jason

7) if you're referring to Jim Gordon, Bruce still isn't fine with it, but also the copganda around him kinda makes consistent moral characterization a lost cause for Bruce in relation to him

8) I know you're not referring to Clark because nobody making this argument actually reads super comics let alone 80s super comics so none of you know about the Zod storyline, but Bruce didn't even know about that therefore its irrelevant

9) in case you might be referring to Harvey, Bruce also hasn't been friends with him since he became Two Face

10) I can't think of any others right now but whoever you're thinking of I can guarantee that if Bruce knows they killed someone and thinks its possible to influence them, there has been a storyline about him disapproving of them killing

11) if you're referring to Harley Quinn for some reason, they also are not friends

Like I dont get where you're coming from and also Bruce Wayne is very much not fine with his friends killing people

[dmitryanya]

haven't even been in the fandom a week and im making dumb memes

[royalarchivist]

Baghera: Hee hee hee!

Jaiden: The edits are coming! Where it's like- wait, let me get a good- a good like, shot of like- [starts singing a hardcore song]

Baghera: Oh yeah, and now I need to put this on on my [mumbled] Oh, yeah yeah yeah! I love this.

[Jaiden and Baghera start singing and rocking out together and laugh]

Jaiden: Yeah! You're so cool!

Baghera: [Unintelligable voice-cracking] Oh, you know-

Jaiden: [Circling around Baghera like she's a camera person] Just getting the 360...

Baghera: It's just- I'm used to be like that. Just because I don't care. Yeah, I never care about anything!

Aypierre: Is it... K-pop?

[anonymouspuzzler]

you know what? fuck you (heartbreak gulch's my own guys)

(@heartbreakgulch courtesy of the inimitable @strangegutz & collaborators, also miscellaneous Thoughts under the cut bc it's my blog no one can stop me the doors have closed behind you)

HEARTBREAKER BULKHEAD:

Probably does not have superpowers anymore but still came from a family of considerable influence and was under pressure to inherit, pressure which he very much Broke Under.

Turned to a life of crime, definitely got in over his head with it, and essentially got rescued by Eddie, who he is Utterly Obsessed With And Heartsick For.

Has spent literal years as one of Eddie's attack dogs and generally jumping through hoops for him for Whatever Scraps Of Affection He Can Get, though he's still kind of squeamish around Literal Murder and thus tends to be assigned to supply runs and such most of the time.

Amateur mechanic and car enthusiast. Probably did a lot of McGyver-ass fixes around the Gulch-slash-generally assisted Ami til Davey was recruited.

Speaking of, was still the guy who recruited-slash-rescued Davey. They fell for each other hard and are in a committed relationship now, which has helped Buck take a little bit of a healthier step back with whatever the hell he and Eddie have going on (and helped him be a little less jealous and curmudgeonly about the Hot Young Things In Town, ie Zeki and Felix).

Absolutely not prepared to be a guardian to Minnie which has led his and Eddie's whole Relationship to enter a fun new stage of "hey man can I ask you for parenting advice nothing weird"

HEARTBREAKER DYNAMO:

Pretty similar backstory to the Villain-Coded version. Civilian turned criminal, lost his arm when he got in over his head on a job and Buck rescued him.

Has a bunch of different prosthetics he swaps out for different purposes, ie. one for combat, one to use for mechanic work, a kinda general use/everyday one, etc. That said, he goes without a lot to make sure he's prepared for a situation where he doesn't have access/one breaks or fails on a job/etc.

An alarmingly good recruit; I feel like originally Eddie kind of let him stick around as a kind of "gift" to Buck, but now that he's actually got him on jobs he's become a real rising star. Real good in a scrap and is a little more flexible with his moral lines in the sand compared to Buck. Outside of that he works with Ami a lot doing mechanics and repairs - probably interested in learning CompanDroid maintenance/repair but figures it'd be skeevy for him to push that point too much.

He and Eddie have a complicated relationship I think. They'd be kinda suspicious/distrusting of each other but also have a LOT of similarities and work really well together. To say nothing of their respective relationships with Buck.

I don't think he's Trying to Uncle the younger recruits in the Gulch but he definitely Does. He likes White a lot. He and Ami would also definitely get along really well. He is being The Bigger Man and Mature Adult and not giving Felix a wedgie no matter how badly he wants to

HEARTBREAKER(?) MINNIE:

From the same family of prominence as Buck and is currently very much on the run after a failed attempt to kill her own dad.

Extremely a city kid and is Not necessarily adapting well to Middle Of Nowhere Self Sustained Living.

Knew Of Buck but never met him before this so his whole Life and Little Criminal Commune featuring Multiple Guys He's Got SOMETHING Going On With is. it's a lot

Would like to do some crime actually but is A) still a little traumatized and adjusting to the whole Situation and B) 13 Whole Real Human Years Old.

Fascinated by Zeki's whole deal and his work but I think they would absolutely bring out the worst in each other they would fight so much. Autism to autism hostility

Having a very complicated response to White and Ami wherein she thinks they're SO cool but interacting with them at any length would make her realize Things About Herself that she's not consciously ready to confront so just like. Imagine being White and looking over your shoulder and that 13 year old is just Intensely Staring At You Unblinking from around a corner and as soon as she realizes you've seen her she turns around and runs off as fast as she can directly into a wall

Zarita absolutely hitting that Cool Just Slightly Older Kid niche for her.

[ssamorganhotchner]

ask and you shall receive. back on my comparison-meme-making bullshit again 😌

[hotchnerbau]

dating aaron hotchner headcanons: 🩷

•aaron loves being called pet names like sweetheart, honey, or love but he gets a little embarrassed when you use them in front of the team because they tease him for it

•for example, derek finds out that you like to call aaron ‘hot stuff’ and aaron never hears the end of it

•aaron is true gentleman. he brings you flowers every date night, opens every door for you, and pulls out your chair for you to sit down

•aaron loves having his hair played with especially when he’s stressed or tired. his favorite thing is to close his eyes and feel your fingers running through his hair

•you both love to play mario kart together and aaron secretly lets you win because he loves how excited you get

•aaron says he doesn’t like to fall asleep cuddling because he gets too hot but you always wake up to find his arms and legs wrapped around you with his head on your pillow

•aaron keeps a polaroid picture of you in his wallet and looks at it when he’s away on a case and missing you

•aaron knows you miss him when he’s away on cases so he’ll leave his sweater on the bed and pretend that he forgot it but really he just knows you like to sleep in it

•aaron hates dancing and you tease him for being as stiff as a dried spaghetti noodle but you find out he secretly took dance lessons so he could do a good job during your first dance at your wedding

[hrokkall]

ULTRATOBER DAY 16 /// FERRYMAN

[PREVIOUS] 🪙 [NEXT]

Bonus version without the background so Ferry is a bit clearer :]

[mxssingmemories]

your instagram, but you're friends with the bau

═════════════════════════════════════════════

yourusername

liked by boygenius, chocolatethunder and 134 others

yourusername he found a goat. everyone run and hide, we're all fucked

boygenius his name is is edgar

yourusername for the last time, HE DOESN'T HAVE A NAME

keepitpg please tell me you kept him

yourusername we did not and now spencer is mad at me

boygenius @/yourusername we could have kept him!!!

chocolatethunder reid in his natural habitat

boygenius that was uncalled for

doublej henry saw this and wants to meet the goat, you're screwed @/yourusername

yourusername

liked by doublej, prentiss and 145 others

yourusername i did what i had to do.

ahotchner I'm pretty sure this qualifies as workplace harassment.

yourusername sorry dad

doublej y/n terrifies me

chocolatethunder same

prentiss same

boygenius same

italiandad same

yourusername i'm flattered

keepitpg it had to be done

yourusername EXACTLY

yourusername

liked by keepitpg, boygenius and 156 others

yourusername welcome to the family of weird ass profilers, roo :)

keepitpg I AM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH

chocolatethunder i want to meet this animal now.

boygenius did you know that world war one made german shepherds famous ? in other words, i can't wait to meet this guy

ahotchner Are you able to bring Roo to the office tommorow?

yourusername that can be arranged, boss

doublej me and @/prentiss are requesting custody of this angel

yourusername permission granted

prentiss SHIT YEAH smd @/chocolatethunder

italiandad I might have made some dog treats for Roo

yourusername you know my address, just knock and roo will love you forever

yourusername

liked by ahotchner, italiandad and 198 others

yourusername i love our dysfunctional little family

boygenius i forgot my socks were purple

chocolatethunder wtf is with reid's socks

ahotchner I appreciate all the work you do for this team, Y/N. We all love you.

yourusername dude you can't just say that i'm crying in the club rn

keepitpg i love you guys :)

doublej <3

prentiss stop i'm feeling things

italiandad Love you guys.

[incorrect-jojolands-quotes]

that one panel in chapter 3 gave me ideas.

[fangirlsovertoomanythings]

Can you imagine what being Professor Moriarty's student was like? You have a very dedicated Mathematics professor, who also has a degree in Astronomy, and he tries his best to make everyone understand what he says despite the limitations of having a bunch of different students with a bunch of different learning styles, and he's just so nice; a bit overly strict with schedules, but he never humiliates you for forgetting an assignment. He probably donates his money to associations that seek to help immigrants or something. His eyes lighten up whenever you show interest in one of his areas of expertise outside of lecture hours, and he infodumps about how the Sun will die one day to you. He takes jokes well despite the resting bitch face he carries around.

And then one day you hear he was killed by Sherlock fucking Holmes and that he was a mobster.

[souporsaladnatural]

Will never understand people who in terms of destiel characterize cas as the "normal" and "well-adjusted" one. Like what show did u guys watch

[cerise-on-top]

Hii you know how you wrote about reader getting hurt because of their job please could you write that with graves or nikolai x

Hey! Sure I can!

Graves’ and Nikolai’s S/O Gets Hurt Because of Their job

Graves: On the outside he may seem calm and collected, but on the inside he’d be seething with rage. However, he won’t show you how angry he actually is, keeping it all to himself instead. He needs to be the big, strong man in your relationship, so he needs to keep his cool in front of you, no matter what. I don’t think he’d be too surprised you’d have gotten hurt, though. While he may have hoped it would never happen, that was just wishful thinking. You’ll either be on Shadow Company’s medbay or in the best hospital he can find nearby. Either way, you’ll be well taken care of. If you’re at Shadow Company, then he’ll station some of his most competent and trusted people to take care of you for the time being. You will be protected by them, and you will get whatever it is you may need from them as well. Or anything you may want, really. No cost is too high for Graves while you’re in recovery. While he may try to make time for you as well, he really does, he will also have someone track down whoever hurt you. This person will then be abducted to Shadow Company for a rough time. Graves himself would take care of them, and he can be pretty effective when he wants to be. However, if you’ve recovered by then, and are among the more vengeful people, then you’re more than welcome to do as you please with the bastard yourself, Graves has no qualms about that. In fact, he’d welcome you doing what you need to do. An eye for an eye. I think he’d become a bit more protective of you afterwards. If you’re okay with it, then he’ll leave you in the hands of some of his Shadows since he can’t always be there for you. If it was up to him, he’d combine you with his work and have you just live on base with him so he could always keep an eye on you, but you likely wouldn’t agree to that. It may seem a bit overbearing, but he will reach out to you more often and does expect you to respond within a few hours, or else he’ll get worried and send someone to check up on you, even if you’re alright.

Nikolai: While Graves may be furious, Nikolai is entirely calm about all of this. Yes, you got hurt, but seeing him panic would likely only worsen the state you’re in. He is well aware of the fact that you will pull through, he made sure of that himself. However, he won’t do anything drastic until you’ve recovered completely. That way your perpetrator has enough time to kill themself before he has to take action. Naturally, you mean the world to him, so any violence against you will not be excused. Nikolai runs a PMC, so he knows what he’s doing, he knows how to deal with violence. Violence for violence is the rule of the beasts and Nikolai’s cruelty is akin to that of a starved animal. However, that can wait until you’re alright again. He’ll visit you every day, even stay at the hospital, and bring you gifts, tell you stories and keep you company otherwise. But he won’t mention the plans he has for the sorry fuck who hurt you, those are for him to know and for you to never find out. Once you’re home again, going about your day, he will seek out the bastard himself and drag him to some place in Siberia. As mentioned before, Nikolai can be cruel when he wants to be, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he let that person run aimlessly around Siberia for a few days, hunted down by him and his people, only to capture and torture them later. Death is a kind of mercy that is not for them, though, so he’ll keep them alive for the time being. They almost took you from him, there’s nothing they could ever do to make up for that. They’ll be a new chewing toy for Chimera until they die for one reason or another. Nikolai won’t get too overprotective, but he will be keeping a closer eye on you. He won’t station one of his people in front of your home when he’s away, but he will try to make more time for you. Calls become more frequent and he will try to find some excuses to spend more time with you, even if it’s just by video chatting with you when you have the time. He won’t freak out, but he won’t forget about that incident either.

[j4mboree]

🎶🎶Give me all your poison, and give me all your pills🎶🎶

eewwwwwww emo🤮🤮 so dramatic and emo yuck yuck yuckkkk /j