#these are topics that i have ALWAYS posted about

[vonabel]

when i read aizawa/reader fics i cannot help but notice the majority are age gap relationships. and ofc i am but a girl and love me a gruff older man, but i always think about the more realistic aspect of it. aizawa and his younger partner walking on egg shells around the topic until something finally breaks their bubble and they fight abt it. because aizawa isn't embarrassed, really, but maybe a little ashamed? not bc of who his partner is but bc he doesn't want people to talk. it's inappropriate, it's irrational. he doesn't want people to know, you know? and reader cannot comprehend bc they're both adults and who cares what anyone thinks. but he's a hero and reader is young and pretty and the whole picture would easily be painted very very badly.

i have a wip going with this premise but i'm scared to finish and post it LMAOO idk i feel like people will get mad or smth

[ckret2]

Ya know, as someone who suffers from a physical disability myself who read your recent post, i'm sorta curious for more details on how both Scalene and Bill viewed their shared condition. Scalene in particular, by your post, seems to have had a weird combination of pride in it (how it made her exotic and all) but also, being ashamed of mentioning it and going out of her way to medically correct it in her own child...How would you describe her, and, for that matter, Bill's, feelings?

(For anyone arriving late, this is a follow up on this post here.)

You know how some disabilities end up with a public perception where they're adored for certain "positive" aspects but people still don't understand (and are ableist about) the less positive aspects? Like how depression is romantic when it's "brood romantically like a goth heroine" but gross when it's "can't get out of bed, shower, or meet social obligations"; autism is cute when it's "hand-flapping stimming and getting super interested in a topic" but annoying when it's "noisy stimming & body rocking, won't stop talking about a topic I'm not interested in, and poor social skills"; or the face of albinism is "supermodel with porcelain skin, snow white hair, and crystal blue eyes" and never "cross-eyed sunburned dude perpetually squinting in the sunlight"?

I imagine that her condition is like that, and that she zealously latched onto the positive perception of her condition and worked that for all it's worth; but she wants to be perfect, she wants to be admirable, she wants to be beloved, so the parts of her condition that aren't "popular" have to get hidden and dealt with privately as much as possible. The pageant stage is for showing off her curves; standing funny to try to relieve her side pain is for when people aren't watching.

It's okay to have a disability, but god forbid you look disabled.

Though I wouldn't characterize the medical treatment she got for Bill "going out of her way" to try to correct it. For the most part, things like braces & physical therapy weren't for aesthetics or public perception, but actual quality of life improvements. Without that early intervention, he'd be dealing with serious chronic pain & mobility issues before adulthood.

It's like how if you have significant scoliosis as a child, wearing a back brace during your puberty growing years helps protect you from getting such a crooked back as an adult that you need spinal surgery for the pain. Even if you have no negative feelings about having scoliosis, avoiding a major invasive surgery in 30 years is probably a sound medical decision.

... It just turned out with Bill that more benign issues got swept in with the actual problems.

For Bill's part, the condition is something he'd been led to believe as a child would be a much bigger problem in his life than it ended up being. For one thing, the way the condition presented in him made him a squishy baby, but not as flexible as his mom as an adult. (Though she also worked to increase her flexibility, against every single doctor's advice ever.) And for another, he got turned into an energy being more or less at peak health, after all his childhood medical interventions did their job and before his condition inevitably started to decline in adulthood; and when he doesn't age, doesn't change, doesn't even have a physical body, the condition doesn't progress. He got the best possible outcome, and he feels weird about it.

He'd never claim he's unhappy to not be dealing with chronic pain—that'd be a dumb thing to be unhappy about, and anyway Bill is sooo happy and mentally healthy and nothing ever bothers him ever!!!—but, unspoken, he has a strange sense of loss around it. Another thing missing from the life he "should" have had. Caught in a perpetual limbo where Health Problems™ are always looming 10-15 years in front of him, and have been looming 10-15 years in front of him for a trillion years.

[plaguedocboi]

(Heyyyy this is a very personal post that includes discussion of mental illness, mentions of suicide and related topics!! I don’t usually post things this personal!)

Over the past three years since I read Moby Dick, I’ve obviously been absolutely fucking enamored by my horrible little man Ahab. Recently, with whale weekly ending and my dashboard being filled with posts about it, I’ve been thinking even more about him and considering exactly why I relate to him so much. I can’t diagnose what’s wrong with him due to the fact that I don’t know him personally and also he’s fictional, but I’ve (at some point in my life) had almost every mental illness symptom he displays over the course of the book. I’ve been severely depressed, paranoid, anxious to the point of having disabling panic attacks, irrationally angry at the universe and lashing out at everyone around me, developed insomnia due to the terrifying nightmares and hallucinations I was having, and even had delusions that I had been to hell and was sent back to fight god (yes I’m being serious). My life felt out of my control and I couldn’t imagine my future because I was blinded by my own pain. I never expected to survive this long either because I imagined something horrible would happen to me or I would eventually kill myself. And, honestly, that thought didn’t bother me very much.

The main difference between Ahab and I is that I was a teenager in the 21st century so I got professional help and medication instead of fucking off the sea and trying to kill god. Watching him get worse and die during the story is like watching a horrifying alternate version of myself. I absolutely understand why he made the decisions he did, even if I know logically that they were the wrong decisions. If I hadn’t had access to modern mental health resources, would I have followed a similar path, eventually destroying myself and everyone around me? If he had lived today, could he have found peace? Maybe. But we will never know because our circumstances were different, regardless of how similar we may have been. I don’t think I’ve encountered another character to whom I relate so deeply and see so much of myself in and that’s why I will probably never be normal about this stupid 200-year old book, but it feels so strange to admit that because he is widely regarded as a raging lunatic and not exactly someone you “should” relate to or even particularly like. Maybe I’m more like Ahab than is socially acceptable to admit. I survived and I’m better now but that will always be part of me, and it’s not a part I’m ashamed of. Let’s get this whale, boys.

[taegimood]

— call it what it is (c.sb) ♡

pairing: choi soobin x fem!reader genre: smut, fluff, best friends to ? lovers? rating: nsfw, mdni wc: 2.5k warnings: virgin!soobin, idol!soobin, softdom!reader?, oral (m receiving), unprotected sex, messy cumshot, cum eating, brief use of petnames (baby, handsome), brief masturbation (m), some finger sucking, lowkey body worship? (m receiving), soobin horse cock but what else is new

a/n - trying to find some other fucking soob pictures to match the middle one was just impossible so i gave up lmao i’ve been reminded of why i never add photo headers.. i got lucky finding yeonjun’s within 30 seconds for the last fic 🙂‍↕️

──────────────────────

the lighting in soobin’s room is dim, the glow of his gaming setup situated on the desk in the corner offering just enough low light to cast the room in an unfamiliar new atmosphere, one that you haven’t ever felt in the countless times that you’ve been here before.

maybe it’s the quiet lull of having the dorm completely to yourselves tonight, or the clock ticking into single digit territory on the hour hand; maybe it’s the sudden vulnerability of this moment and the ones that led up to it.

maybe it’s the manner of what you’re about to do together; or maybe it’s the glow in the near-darkness that silhouettes your best friend so sensually as he stands in front of you while you’re leant back on the edge of his bed — his handsome face nervous and outlined by soft shadows as your eyes trail down his neck to the contours of his collarbones, past his chest and quick-beating heart to the gentle curve of his abs that stiffen slightly from the attention, or perhaps from the hesitant ministrations of his hand further down.

maybe it’s all of the above.

when you had come over earlier that evening for one of your typical hangout sessions, seizing the fact that soobin had no schedule tomorrow, you think it’s pretty safe to say that neither of you imagined it ending up like this.

the two of you were post anime binge and bingsu feast flopped across his bed, talking about anything and everything when the topic shifted to relationships and your conversation took a very interesting turn.

as close as you and soobin are, he’d never mentioned much about his sex life, and now you knew why: he didn’t actually have one.

you honestly weren’t too surprised when he, while talking about the difficulty of dating with his crowded idol life, somehow accidentally let it slip in frustration that he was still a virgin; and as red-faced and stuttery as he became while then attempting damage control to salvage his dignity, you were quick to reassure him with understanding words and a nonchalant smile.

and, as it turned out.. with an offer.

if he’d prefer his first time to be with someone he could trust, someone who would take care of him…

you don’t know what came over you when you carefully presented the idea.

you’d be totally lying if you said you had never considered what it’d be like to be with soobin physically; he was strikingly gorgeous from head to toe, after all. his gentle demeanor and dimpled laugh never made it any easier for you, either, but whenever your mind dared tiptoeing the line into romantic territory, well, you were always very quick to reel it back in.

until.… now.

you suppose there’s no other way to explain it as fondness blooms in your chest when you look at him, his trembling hands having fumbled over the buttons of his shirt until you’d replaced them gently with your own and did it for him instead — butterflies in your tummy at the sound of his quiet, shaky breaths every time your fingers brushed his skin — his face so close to yours, swallowing hard when you smiled softly up at him in reassurance.

there’s no other way to explain the affection that washed over you as he melted into your lips when you asked if it was okay to kiss him; or his breathy moans as your lips then made a home across the soft expanse of his neck after guiding his hands to begin undressing you in turn.

there’s no other way to explain the way that your heart swelled when he shyly turned off the overhead light and allowed you to trace kisses down his body as you sat on the edge of his bed and worked his sweatpants down with careful hands.

each time you moved to take things to the next step you’d look up at him for confirmation; and each time you were met with yearning, a trusting anticipation in soobin’s brown eyes that made you want to give him everything you could and more.

even in the near-dark you could still make out the rosy hue that colored his cheeks when you moaned at the sight of his cock, thick and long and pretty and just plain big as it came up to slap against his tummy once freed, leaking tip now eye-level with you from where he stood in front of the bed.

sensing the tension in his body, you’d slipped off the rest of your clothes so that he wouldn’t feel so vulnerable;

leaning back on your hands to gaze at him, watching the way his widened eyes flitted across your naked figure, lingering several times on your tits — you noted this for later — and you couldn’t help the pace of your own heartbeat as your pussy throbbed from the sight of him.

“you’re beautiful, bin.”

your soft words had startled him out of his trance, his eyes even wider then as they flickered up to meet yours;

“so are you,” he breathed, a whisper, cheeks reddening further in the dim light, and you could see the desire pooled in his stare.

“binnie.. can you touch yourself for me?” you’d asked carefully, voice sweet like honey, and the premature twitch of his cock was enough to send wetness leaking down between your thighs.

so now, as you watch him hesitantly stroke himself, large hand almost making his large cock look normal-sized until you remember that everything about him is just big, your body betrays you as your legs squeeze together and you can feel the drool threatening the corners of your lips at the expectancy of having something to wrap them around.

he’s biting down hard on his plush bottom lip as his eyes travel over you again, and you can tell that he’s trying not to breathe too heavy as they stay glued on your tits until you slide forward to the very edge of the bed.

the movement of his hand falters as the sudden proximity of your face so close to his cock sends a fresh bead of pre-cum to his tip;

“you don’t have to be nervous,” you murmur gently, looking up at him with a comforting smile. “can i touch you?”

his breath catches as he hesitates only for a second before he’s quickly nodding his head with a shakily-whispered “yes.”

his eyes follow your every move as you slide your own much smaller hand over his bigger one to remove it from his length — you shiver at the size difference — and when you gently wrap your hand around the thick base of his cock and lean in to place a feather-light kiss against his lower abdomen, the soft sigh that leaves soobin’s lips is suddenly the prettiest sound that you’ve ever heard.

you stroke him slowly, soon figuring out the amount of pressure that he likes judging from the staggers in his breath when you apply it; you have nothing on your mind other than to make him feel good as your lips trail over his skin, placing soft kisses along his abs, suckling a pretty mark onto his hip bone as your thumb caresses the head of his cock.

he moans, embarrassed at first until you look up at him through your lashes in a way that tells him you’ve never found anyone more sexy than this; and after that he doesn’t try holding back as much from the pretty sounds escaping his throat.

and when you finally lick at his tip before your free hand comes up to cup his balls and your lips slowly sink down on his shaft, soobin’s head is tipping back into a deep groan as his hips twitch forwards, your throat constricting around him at the sudden added length and your pussy gushing a fresh wave of arousal between your legs from the lewdness of it all.

god, soobin, you’re so fucking hot.

you’d tell him as much if your mouth weren’t stuffed full of his cock.

you haven’t even taken him half way yet when his tip nudges the back of your throat, your spit sliding down his shaft as you use your hands to pump whatever you can’t fit in your mouth; his own hands have flown to your hair now as he watches you with parted lips and half-lidded eyes, breathing heavy around moans and whispers of incoherent curses, grounding himself in the feeling of your strands between his fingers as he fights to control his hips from bucking forwards.

“s-shit-! oh my god-”

it’s only a couple of minutes later that you can tell he’s already close to bursting as you pull off of him for air with spit stringing from your lips, hands pumping steadily up and down from base to tip as you watch his face, feeling a mix of pride and affection at how fucked-out he already is as his eyes meet yours.

“you’re close, baby. do you wanna cum now or wait ‘til you’re inside me?”

you shouldn’t have said that.

the visual you just gave him shoots straight down to soobin’s cock as his abs tighten and his shaft twitches in your hands, a strangled moan that you think was supposed to be a curse flying from his lips as he cums, thick ropes of release covering your neck and chest and dripping down your tits, his mouth hung open as he watches and only cums harder — you get over your surprise quickly as you wrap your lips around him and suck, coaxing the rest out of him as he cries out with a tightening grip on your hair that makes you keen.

he cums more than any other guy you’ve been with and you swallow every remaining drop that you can, finally pulling off of him as he’s left trembling, making sure he’s watching as you look up at him and slowly swipe your fingers through the thick pearly liquid that drips down your skin, bringing it up to your lips to suck clean.

“fuck,” he whimpers, completely dazed, chest heaving, eyes dancing over your face and down to your cum-stained tits.

you lean in and give one last slow lick up the underside of his cock and over the tip; he hisses at the sensitivity, abs clenching, and when you place a gentle kiss to the head before moving back with a smile, soobin swears he’s seen heaven.

you take his hand and guide him to sit down, which his jelly-like legs are thankful for, urging him to lean back against the headboard as you soothe your thumb over the love bite on his hip and brush his hair out of his face with your free hand.

“how was it?” you ask playfully, tilting your head to the side, and now that he sits at this angle the glow from the desk illuminates his face instead of shining from behind him; your eyes trace the details of his hazy expression as he rests his head back against the wall and watches you.

“you’re fucking amazing…” he mumbles, still slightly catching his breath, face flushed and fucked out and beautiful.

“so are you,” you whisper teasingly as you lean in to capture his lips in a slow kiss, which he gratefully accepts, and you’re not sure how you’ve ever made it this far before tonight without the feeling of his lips on yours.

you push away the possibilities and consequences of tonight’s actions to the back of your mind.

right now, all that matters is him.

“s-sorry that i…” he’s suddenly shy as he looks away from you, and you already know what he’s trying to say when his voice trails off awkwardly, “i didn’t mean to.. you know…”

“why are you sorry for being sexy as hell?”

the surprise on his face makes you laugh, and his lips curl into a bashful smile when you continue, “i mean damn, soob, i knew you were hot before but seriously..”

you coyly poke at one of his dimples. “i’m flattered that you came that fast to the thought of fucking me.”

you can see the effect of your words in his eyes as he bites his lip.

“about that…. i still.. i mean, if you still want to, i….”

his voice grows quieter. “…i still want to.”

you can hear the vulnerability and hope in his tone that he probably thinks he’s better at hiding than he is.

“soobin…”

you take his hand in yours, and his eyes widen when you slowly guide it down between your legs, his sharp inhale a clear indication of the gushing wetness he feels there along with the warmth of your cunt.

you lean in closer, his hungry eyes flickering back up to yours; “what do you think, handsome?” you tilt your head again.

“think i want it too?”

his stare locks onto your every move when you bring his hand back up and wrap your lips around his wet fingers, swirling your tongue around them as you suck them clean and release them from your mouth with a pop.

“hm?”

his eyes shoot back up to yours.

he doesn’t trust his own voice as he swallows thickly with a nod and you find that he’s rock hard again when you straddle his lap, sighing in relief as you finally feel some friction from the way your wet folds glide slowly over his shaft.

you wrap an arm around his shoulders, taking his hand in your free one again to bring it up to your plush chest, his eyes honed in there immediately, and he lets out a quiet moan at the feeling of your soft tit in his grasp as he squeezes.

“you trust me?” you ask gently, and soobin looks up at you.

the glow from his desk makes his eyes shine.

his free arm circles around you and his face is so close to yours that you can feel the warmth of his breath fanning over your lips when he whispers,

“yes.”

and when you lift your hips with a smile to line him up at your entrance, promising “i’ll take care of you,” as you press your forehead to his and slowly sink down on him, watching the way his brows pinch together and eyes flutter shut, his lips parting in a breathy moan as he clutches you closer and whispers your name —

well, there’s no other way to explain the feeling that explodes in your chest like fireworks than to just call it what it is.

it must be love.

[crimsonhydrangeavn]

(For those wondering, Rita's Birthday is actually September 19th. )

Ironically enough, the reason why I wasn't able to post something on her birthday was because I was swamped with work thanks to an unrealistic deadline.

But hey, better late than never right?

As an apology to Rita and to you all, I wrote a "little" birthday story detailing how her "Birthday Cookies" came to be!

It was almost two weeks before the date when you found out Rita's birthday was coming up.

It was purely unintentional. You see, you spotted her open planner when she asked you to grab something off of her desk. Most of the days on her calendar had a note or two written in black text, however September 19th was the only exception. She had used a cute little birthday sticker that, you presumed, came with the planner.

At the time you made a mental note of it before fetching her the document she requested and getting back to work. However, that was the moment you knew you wanted to do something special for her. Like you, she had recently moved to the island and had really only focused on getting the bookstore up and running before getting consumed with work. From what you had seen she hadn't really socialized much outside of work, so the chances of her actually having birthday plans were slim.

However you intended to fix that! After all, she was the best boss you had ever had. She was kind, patient, hardworking, responsible, understanding, and made it a point to check in on how you were doing often. It was hard NOT to want to do something special for her given just how much you appreciated her.

During the following two weeks you made it your mission to learn as much as possible about her preferences. You didn't want to outright ask her, otherwise it would be too obvious. So, you would make sure to subtly bring it up with customers whenever Rita was within earshot so she would, hopefully, join in on the conversation, or you would be able to naturally follow up on the topic later that day.

Admittedly it was a pretty round about way of collecting information, but you really wanted to make sure your plans were a complete and total surprise

You also invited her out to the local bakery one day during lunch when she seemed to have a particularly rough day dealing with a bunch of annoying teenagers. It was then and there you had learned that she actually hated cake.

Marcelo, who was in ear shot when she made the comment, couldn't help himself and asked why.  According to her, she was never a fan of the "cakey" texture and she HATED frosting. Marcelo couldn't hide his surprise and began listing a variety of cakes, most of which you had never even heard from before. However Rita had not only tried all of them, but disliked each and every one.

Poor Marcelo had to return to work defeated while Rita and yourself remained seated sipping on your respective drinks.

" If not cakes, cupcakes, or pastries, then what kind of sweets do you like?" You questioned, praying that she would give you something, anything, to work with.

She took a sip of her black coffee as she considered your question. After a few beats she finally answered.

" Chocolate chip cookies."

" Really?" You questioned, surprised by the simplicity.

" I know, I know, It's a pretty basic answer... but I can't help it. It's always been a bit of a comfort food for me. Nothing beats a warm freshly baked chocolate chip cookie. " She paused for a moment before continuing, a soft wistful expression on her face.

"Growing up my grandma would make them for us on Sundays and... Well, it was the highlight of my week." She answered with a warm smile as she glanced down at her coffee.

" I mean, I can't really blame you. After all chocolate chips cookies are a classic for a reason." You commented with a smile, only to earn a gentle and affectionate look from the woman before you.

Fast forward a week later and you and a handful of coworkers quietly arrived at work nearly an hour early. Thankfully you had a key to the back door and was able to slip in without much effort. You all spent the next hour quietly decorating the break room without alerting Rita of your presence.

So when she finally descended the stairs an hour later, she was surprised to find you all standing in the dimly lit break room shouting " HAPPY BIRTHDAY RITA!"

She nearly fell down the stairs in shock as she stared at all of you wide eyed.

" W-what on earth...?"

It was then you stepped forward with a wide grin, pleased that your birthday surprise for Rita had been a success.

Well, at least the surprise part was anyway.

" It's your birthday isn't it? We wanted to do something to celebrate! Now why don't you sit down? We have a few surprises up our sleeves." You said with a smile as you grabbed her arm and gently led her over to the couch to sit down.

It was then all of your coworkers presented their gifts and cards to her, thanking her for being such a great boss and how they'll miss her once they returned home for the winter. Fortunately Rita had recovered from the shock by then and politely thanked them all, chuckling along and having a wonderful time.

Once everyone else had given her their gifts, you were up to bat.

" There's one more surprise, so make sure to close your eyes okay?" You said with a smile.

Rita raised a brow before doing as she was told, a playful smirk on her lips. " Oh? What's next? A piñata?" She teased gaining a few chuckles out of your coworkers.

You slipped into her office where you had hidden away a plate of freshly baked cookies you had made earlier that morning. You popped them into the microwave one of your coworkers had relocated to Rita's office right before you started decorating.

Once they were rewarmed, you placed a little candle in the center cookie, thankful that the warm temperature allowed it to stick.

Once they were ready you finally headed out to Rita, carrying the plate of cookies. Placing the plate on the coffee table in front of her you told her to open her eyes before singing happy birthday as your coworkers joined in.

When Rita's eyes finally opened she was surprised by the lack of cake, only for her features to soften considerably once she realized why you of all people had given her cookies instead of a cake. Your coworkers had initially teased you for your choice, however after seeing her tearful and grateful reaction, it was clear that you had made the right decision.

The rest of the gathering went smoothly and despite it all, you all were still able to open up on time. Then most of your coworkers ended up leaving once the festivities were over since it was technically their days off.

It wasn't until nearly everyone had cleared out or gone to the front that Rita finally approached you.

" You know Y/N... I've never gotten birthday cookies instead of cake before." She commented playfully as her eyes shined with affection and mirth as she looked over at you.

" I know I know, an unconventional decision... You have no idea how much everyone roasted me once they realized what I brought instead of a cake." You chuckled remembering their reactions.

"but... I wanted to make sure the birthday girl enjoyed her birthday treat." You met her gentle gaze, a small knowing on your lips.

"Well, I'd say she more than just enjoyed it. Thanks Y/N. This is one of the best birthdays I've had in a really long time." And with that, she wrapped her arms around you in an incredibly warm and thankful embrace.

[bigfatbimbo]

Hey there! @hazbinhotelmollykisser here yet again, with the promised bill rambles :)

Forgive me if the following words sound like nonsense, I'm trying lol

SO. I'll be covering the bill with a more powerful reader and sub bill because your works have changed my brain chemistry, masochist bill because I'M GOING INSANE AN I NEED TO BE SEDATED, and bill with a reader that likes to tease him (with a more powerful reader version and a just a human version) because I need to study his reactions to teasing like I'm Stanford studying like... Science + math = triangles or something.

・Bill x More powerful reader

So I actually made an entire oc for this literally as soon as I finished reading the og post, which I will refrain on ranting abt, but the idea of a reader that's more powerful than bill is fascinating to me.

Because like, he's bill so he's obviously gonna try to get under your skin, but imagine a reader that sees his attempts to annoy them and just... Like laughs? A reader that finds his attempts almost endearing? Reverting whatever bill did back to before with just a snap and maybe a passing comment about his mischief.

It would drive him mad I think, he'd be rlly annoyed and pissy about it.

Or alternatively, a reader that does get angry when he tries to annoy them, (a loud and aggressive angry or a quiet festering angry both yielding different reactions from bill) and Bill takes it as motivation to keep annoying you (and it's definitely only because he thinks it's funny and totally definitely no other reason).

(Holy shit this is already getting long)

・Sub!Bill

So obviously a brat right? Like very obviously? We all agree on that.

And this next bit will probably just be regurgitating your points because I can't stop having the same opinions as you,

I personally need to see any + every version of bill cipher getting taken down a peg. Like I need to just. Ruin his life a little. Like I need to cause him mental peril and make it up to him (but actually it's only for me) by making him beg for what he wants and not giving him anything unless he asks out loud because "well I'm not a mind reader" (more powerful reader probably IS but shhhh..)

I want him to cry and beg (as do most people who read your blog honestly)

・masochist bill

Thinking about the way that bill literally talks about going out of his way to inflict pain onto the bodies he "possesses" (? Idk if that's the word I should use) made me think. Like too much thinking too many thoughts, to the point that I at multiple points almost wrote a small drabble in my notes app about it. (I would've if I could think of any words to write down when I need them 😭)

But like he's definitely some kind masochist right?

I can't think of any scenarios for human reader he made a deal with and bill for this category but imagine with me pls, a HUMAN reader, that he made a deal with (is actively trying to manipulate), causing him PAIN somehow (directly or indirectly), and he... DOSENT MIND? because 1. He's gonna have a mental breakdown because of it probably, and 2. He dosent JUST not mind. It's like EXCITING but not normal exciting.

So basically he'd be freaking out.

And with a reader that's more powerful than him? I think it'd be clear as day. Going hand in hand with the angry reader that's more powerful than him thing above, he would absolutely get off on annoying them until they snap at him (specifically the snap at him part). And when reader notices, they're obviously gonna make fun of him because hes being pathetic lol.

I think I have run out of masochist bill words now so onto the next topic.

・tease reader (human) x bill

My main reason for bringing this up is I love the idea of the powerful bill cipher being.. Well, flustered.

Like maybe when it's triangle form bill its easier to hide for him but if it were human bill reader would be able to tell almost instantly probably.

And more opportunities to make fun of bill for being a pathetic little creature are always good :)

・tease reader (more powerful) x bill

OOWOWHEOEJEIEBSJBSISNDH I love this idea so so SO SO SOSOSOSO MUCH!!!3&:28&:9.

SO MANY MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO TEASE AND NOT GET KILLED :)

Like imagine with me, your teasing bill and he gets all "upset" and probably threatens you, you don't gotta back off, you infact can tease him even more for thinking that he can threaten you. Shheheheheheheh.

I think that's all my words, I seem to have run out.

I hope that big lump of nothing text (800-ish words 😰) was enough to make up for my sudden dissapearence after promising to talk about bill TWO WEEKS AGO

Forgive my probably dogshit spelling and grammar pls

and hope you have a good day/night/whatever!

IUAHAHSHSHSHSHHSHDHSHAHS I LOVE THINGS LIKE THIS IN MY INBOX!!!!! Because it’s like wow, you did all the work for me! 😊

Ugh, this is so good tho. I always love to hear your thoughts, you are one of my FAV anons!!!!!

[lemotmo]

Some of the questions that you all get 😅😅. Bless all of you who have to deal with this stuff.

Q. I don't understand why Oliver feels like he can't talk about Tommy/Lou? He's been brought up to him a few times and you can see that he clearly wants to talk about him but won't let himself. It's part of Buck's story. He can and should talk about him. Ryan being present shouldn't have mattered. Tommy is part of Buck's story and Oliver should get to talk about him.

A. Oliver didn't edit his response because Ryan was there. Oliver didn't want or need to talk about Tommy. The Tommy topic has been handled pretty consistently by both Tim and Oliver in recent interviews. They're talking AROUND him instead of ABOUT him. And they both quickly shifted their focus to other things. Tim made it about Eddie, for obvious reasons, and Oliver shifted to talking about how poorly Buck is handling the Gerard situation because I think that's what's ultimately going to lead to them parting ways. That's clearly a deliberate choice. They're not talking about him because there's nothing to say. He isn't the point of anything happening within the storyline. They have to talk around him because the plot point that Tommy was serving has not yet been resolved on screen. But I'm guessing his part is finished and closed by the end of episode 2 at the latest. If he was sticking around for any length of time both Oliver and Tim could have said that we would see their relationship continue to grow. That's a very simple answer to give. It doesn't require any additional details but would at least let the audience know that their relationship was going to get some kind of focus. Instead they both just said it was still at the early stages and no real time has passed from last season to this season. Then Oliver flat out said they don't yet know what a relationship 'could or would' look like. But Ryan telling the interviewer that Buck and Eddie will be leaning on each other is the biggest tell. If the Tommy relationship was a priority of any kind they would be having Buck lean on him not Eddie.

I think the golf photos we saw are a Buck/Eddie/Tommy outing and they just happen to run into Gerard. If that is the case then that scene is going to be used exactly like all of Tommy's scenes last season were used. To highlight the difference in the way Eddie and Tommy talk to, listen to, react to and regard Buck. If the Eddie story is going where most people, including many jurnos, now think it is they need Tommy out of the way fairly quickly and the Gerard plot is the easiest way to do that. And, in spite of what his fans are currently shouting, makes perfect sense given Tommy's canon history. He's going to tell Buck to keep his mouth shut, his head down and ignore everything. Buck is not going to be capable of doing that, this is something you all would know if you had bothered to watch any of Buck's history. Even if the golf thing turns out to be something different I still think Gerard will be the reason they split. If Buddie is the plan, and that looks increasingly likely, they need Eddie and Buck in some kind of story position before Christopher returns. Given everything that has happened between Eddie and Christopher he's not going to want to keep secrets from him. So even if they aren't ready for Buddie yet they need Eddie in position to open up to Christopher about what's changed for him while he's been away. They don't have time or frankly need to drag out the Tommy part. They need that plot point closed to move forward with the bigger story.

Thank you Nonny! As always, I appreciate you dropping these asks in my inbox.

This post kinda speaks for itself, doesn't it. All of this makes perfect sense when we step back and look at all the things that have been said about BT, Buck and Eddie so far.

Whether or not the Gerrard-situation will lead to their break up, I do expect a break up to occur pretty early on as well. It will be used to propel Buck's story forward, while simultaniously influencing Eddie's story as well.

As for the details? Pffff... who knows? We'll just have to tune in, watch and hope they'll do this story justice. 🤞🤞🤞

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[twst-hottest-takes]

Tweel Anatomy Discussion!

Part 2.

(Finally getting around to this! Link to part 1 here: https://www.tumblr.com/twst-hottest-takes/759029788153446400/tweel-anatomy-discussion?source=share )

And first off a big "Thank You" to everyone who encouraged me to write the first part and who seemed to have enjoyed it. I'm happy my pseudo-scientific ramblings about fantasy anatomy make you happy!

As always: The following post will be almost purely conjecture based off of a combination of reality and fiction. None of what I say should be taken as law, but rather a fun series of hypotheticals, as that is what the game gives us to work with.

Before getting to the promised screed on "throat teeth" I'll be addressing a couple of subjects people asked about in the comments of the first post! I'll be paraphrasing, but if the people who asked wish to be credited directly, let me know and I will tag you!

First: What does Floyd mean when he threatens to "squeeze" people?

As the comment pointed out, eels (moray or not) don't seem to constrict their prey. The word "constrict" is often associated with how many species of snakes trap and suffocate their prey before swallowing it whole. In this manner, morays do not constrict anything to speak of, BUT THEY DO TIE THEMSELVES INTO KNOTS!

Commonly this behavior is used when an eel has a piece of prey that is too big to swallow all at once, so they tie themselves into a knot to get a better "grip" on their prey and tear it into more manageable pieces! A knot can also be a defensive measure to hide or protect an eel's head from potential enemies. (Looking up "Moray Eel knots" should give you a much better idea of this behavior.) In the case of Floyd Leech, I think that the term "squeeze" is meant to reference Flotsam and Jetsam's behavior in The Little Mermaid. They "squeeze" Flounder and Sebastain to prevent them from stopping Ariel from making her deal with Ursula, and also wrap around Ariel's arms to restrain her later in the movie when the deal is up. These are pretty cartoonish behaviors that wouldn't be seen in real eels as they appear in the movie which seems to treat them a lot like "sea snakes" in this way. I think Floyd's "squeeze" is meant to be a serious threat when considering what eels do to things they tie up in their knots, but it does seem to evoke a mental image of a python rather than an eel.

Secondly, the user questions how Floyd would manage to build up his arm muscles so much.

Simply speaking, Floyd's bare arms are only a matter of fanservice. He's not really "buff."

The muscles are just very well-toned. While Floyd's "mercurial moods" don't allow him to commit to things like workout routines, he's still more active than not. Doing things like basketball, dancing, or parkour with any kind of regularity will give his arms that toned look, at least as far as his human form goes. In regards to his merman form, Floyd probably did similar things that shaped his muscles this way, but didn't build them up much past average.

Thirdly, another user asked me to touch on the boys' habitat as them being residents of the apparently cold and dark Coral Sea doesn't line up with the natural habitats of moray eels in real life that live in tropical waters.

Unfortunately, I don't have any particularly fun insights into this topic because I think that's just something added to better suit the part of the game based off of The Little Mermaid. Azul and the twins are meant to be intimidating and a little mysterious, so they come from a deep, dark, cold part of the ocean that holds scary and mysterious things. Bearing in mind that merfolk are fantasy creatures, I don't find the contradiction of where you would find eels versus where the twins are from to be especially bad in terms of world building. It may not be entirely thought through, but they are taking inspiration from the Disney movie, and keeping true to it's inspiration probably came first.

(Honestly, the thing that gets me is how they said they couldn't go home because the sea froze over. As if the mirror couldn't transport them directly into the ocean underneath all the ice! I swear the writing in this game sometimes.)

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: LET'S TALK ABOUT PHARYNGEAL JAWS!

Quick explanation: Pharyngeal jaws are a second set of teeth in the back of a fish's throat. They are notable on moray eels, but they aren't the only fish that have them. The function of the throat teeth is for them to jut forward and grab onto whatever food the fish has bitten into and then retract and drag the food down the esophagus far enough for peristalsis to take over and continue the swallowing normally. (Yes, I used the first picture that showed up on the web search. It's from Wikipedia)

Do I think the Leech Twins have pharyngeal jaws?

The short answer is unfortunately: "NO."

The long answer involves more of our favorite subject: Discussing how realistic anatomy and fantasy physiology can coexist. (Spoiler alert: The long answer is still unfortunately: "NO.")

Logically and anatomically speaking it makes no sense for Floyd and Jade to have them. First and foremost, even if they did somehow have them in their merforms (which is far more plausible) they wouldn't have them in their every day human forms. The shortcoming of human anatomy is that we have a windpipe, and a second set of teeth back in our throats would suffocate us any time they would need to be used. Instead, we, like most of the animal kingdom, have tongues that push food back to be swallowed and have no need for extra jaws to crawl up and pull food down. Likewise, the twins clearly have tongues, and although they keep their primary teeth in tact between their two forms, have no need for a secondary set. Furthermore, I would posit that pharyngeal jaws in their human forms would be just plain dangerous as in the case of accidentally crushing your own windpipe. They breathe air, therefore they don't have gills, therefore they have lungs and a trachea for gas exchange, and therefore no room for throat teeth.

If the twins were to have pharyngeal jaws, it would make the most sense for them to have them exclusively in their aquatic forms. Because they breathe through gills around their ribs (see part 1) there would be much more room for a second set of teeth and the accompanying anatomical equipment. However, again, I am forced by my own logic to concede that they would still be unnecessary. Between all of the visual proof and the fact that the twins speak the common language fluently enough to have no communication issues with the land dwellers, we know for a fact that they have tongues--much like in their human forms--and that would negate the need or use for pharyngeal jaws. Moreover the humanoid head and neck structure on them in both forms would make the use of pharyngeal jaws pointless, if not explicitly dangerous (having a curved esophagus, as opposed to a straight line as in fish).

In conclusion; as much as this is a disappointment to admit, it would seem that the twins do in fact only require and as a result have a single set of teeth.

However, I will end this particular essay off with one sliver of hope.

It is implied in the text of the game that the twins were hatched from eggs. If their formation from egg to "adult" merman is anything similar to a fish's then it is possible that they once had a second set of jaws. Perhaps in an earlier stage of their development their bodies and mouths were positioned differently and they hadn't quite grown tongues yet, so a pair of extra jaws would have been particularly handy. As they became fully developed these jaws would have been lost, reabsorbed, or simply become vestigial remains as a result of no longer being of use. So while it's not logical to imagine that the twins currently have pharyngeal jaws, there's nothing that says we can't imagine that they did at some point.

(A small consolation to those of us who really would have liked that addition to their characters because we just think it would have been really really cool. Logic be darned, I still love to see fanart that depicts the two of them having throat teeth.)

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed a bit more of my obsessive ramblings regarding fantasy anatomy!

This one took a while to put together because I wanted to make sure I had a visual representation of what I was talking about regarding the placement and effect of pharyngeal jaws in a humanoid form. . .so you guys get to see a very rough drawing of what I was talking about (along with a sample of my awful handwriting). I hope that was helpful and not too difficult to understand. I have been very tired lately and ended up putting a few ask responses on hold because I REALLY wanted to get this part out. A good number of people have apparently been looking forward to this, and I felt bad for making everyone wait for so long.

Will there be a third part?

Well as of right now I don't have one planned. But if some fun conversations start regarding what I've said here, there may end up being enough stuff to include in a third post. I didn't have much to say regarding things like warm or cold-bloodedness, or coloration and bioluminescence. However, if people want to talk about those kinds of things I will gladly delve more into them as long as there are people to talk to about it. But for now, that'll be all for this subject!

Now we can get back to the inbox!

(Once again going to sleep thinking about how awesome these mer-eel designs are and how I love all the sparkles!)

[scentedpeachlandcreator]

subconscious mind, divine power, awareness, you |

!Note: this post is not mine, credit to vanilla on amino! (The original post is here)

hello and welcome to my post! it's another "vanilla explain's" where i will talk about "you". what is there? what do you do? what is your job? how many important parts are there?

note: divine power = common term in the multiverse,describes something like "the universe" here.

     |Г table of content.       

                   i. intro.

                  ii. what are we.

                  iii. what's your job.

                       - part's of you.

                       - job's.

                       - shifting.

                  iv. "everyone shifts constantly".

                  v. outro.

                           i. intro.

our topic today is, surprise surprise, awareness.

what is that? what does it mean, and for what is it responsible? all things that i will talk explain in this deep detail post about what we actually are.

it's something pretty important in the multiverse and can definitely and overall in your general life.

what is there beside you? different part's with different jobs, taks, and abilities.

please make sure to read everything and to ask whatever you want to know!

ii. what are we:

from my post "comfort version's" an explanation what part of "you" you are:

"what are we? and no, we are not humans, we are not even human-like. in fact, we are nothing. we are, what is called, an "awareness". you are part of a huge construct that builds up the whole "you". that what you always are, were, and will be. you can not change it, you are the awareness and will continue to be it for the rest of your existence. but that's nothing bad! what does it actually mean to be an awareness? as an awareness you just live a bit, have fun, do whatever you want, that's your whole purpose. how do you do it? you, the awareness, are

aware of things. you are currently aware of the physical plane, you see it, hear it, smell it, test it, and feel it.

you are always aware, even in the void. the void is, as you can read here, your tiny awareness home.

so long story short: you are an awareness that is aware of things, nothing more, nothing less."

⁣⠀⁣⠀ ⁣so we, every single one of us, is an awareness. you read this right now, you are aware of it, that means you are the awareness. you are connected with the other parts of "you". the subconscious mind and the divine power (here often called "universe"). these are basically the two main part's (awareness + subcons) and the supporter (divine power) of "you".

it is like that in every single reality in the whole multiverse because it does not happen on the 3d, the physical plane. your subconscious mind and the divine power are living on the 4d, the reality. you, the awareness, are the only one that is supposed to be

able to live on the 3d. of course you can be in a reality where your subconscious mind is also a person, but the 4d is still it's home. like yours is the void state as an awareness.

iii. what's your job:

but what are you supposed to do? what are your responsibilities? what does your subconscious mind or the divine power? before we answer that question, we take a better look at the other part's of "you".

part's of you:

the subconscious mind: definitely the part with the most misconceptions! who of you heard the term "reprogramming"? everyone? delete it, now. the subconscious mind is the smartest and most powerful part of you with the most things to do, and it masters everything of it. all the time. it is so much smarter than you will ever be, it is pure perfection, not improvable. there is nothing to "reprogram". many here think of the subconscious mind like a useless baby, something you have to "train" or to "impress"and believe me, it laugh's itself to death- it knows more about everything. it knows you better than you do, your desires, your reality, that's also a part of it's job's. it is so powerful, constantly navigating your reality, it genuinely loves you and that will never ever change. you could hate it with your whole heart, be disgusted, angry, frustrated. and your subconscious mind would understand you, everything of it. it would still love you, take care of you, and your reality. there is no case where this could ever be different. but why is "reprogramming" so popular? easy answer, humans are human and need something to blame. no matter if it's nearly logical, the more believe in it the better.

it is already for a long, long time a thing so here we are to finally stop this nonesense.

divine power: the divine power, here often called "universe", is your subconscious mind bestie (second bestie after you of course), and also lives on the 4d. we all know by now that the divine power/universe is also not this weird thing that "decides" when you shift or not. for now you can think of it like a cheerleader. your own, personal

one job's:

subconscious mind: a lot. let's start with the basics.

it always knows everything, all your desires, all your wishes, likes and dislikes, interests, it's just the smart part of you. then you, the awareness, exist, and that means you feel, think, assume and all of them go to the 4d. there sit's your subconscious mind day and night and sorts every single feeling, thought, assumption you ever had, into the categories "is good" (everything that serves your desires, that you like and enjoy) and "bullshit" (every doubts, limited belief, negative thing, everything you don't want).

only the good ones get used in your reality. if you f.e. think that you want a dog, this thought will go to the 4d, your subconscious mind see's it, thinks "we like dogs", and then adds a dog to your reality. the rest, the "bullshit" category, get's instantly kicked out. like immediately. no limited belief, no doubts, no unwanted thought, feeling, or assumption get's even near your reality. they have no power, they are worthless, unnatural, useless. your subconscious mind knows that, remember, it knows more than you do so of course also what you do not want. don't worry about "every thought manifests", that is simply not true.

your subconscious mind does everything for your reality, that means to take care of the things that enter it.

besides that your subconscious mind's job is to shift you. it does it every moment. it does it your whole existence, no matter what. it edits your reality constantly, it changes, corrects it, all that shifts you.

and i mean that besides the things you do (blink, breath,moving, thinking, feeling, assuming) that causes you to shift. when i say "you rush through the multiverse" you can take it very, very literal.

divine power: it's your cheerleader, your lucky charm. while your subconscious mind is hard working at everything, all the time, the dive power is like a puppy walking around searching whatever you want. like "uhh, we liked donuts, and, a yes! the chair was pretty, HEY, DO WE NEED ANYTHING ELSE??" while attracting positive things. as you can see, very wholesome. that's all it does. its pure existence brings you positivity, nothing else is needed. it is also really, really powerful without even noticing. it keeps the constant harmony in your reality, and literally brings you luck on accident.

it is very adorable and loves to work with you and your subconscious mind!

awareness: so, what is your job? what are your tasks?

what is your purpose? nothing. not really nothing-nothing

but you don't have a "hardworking, constant" task like your subconscious mind for example. your job is to exist. that is all. no matter if on the physical plane or not, your existence is your whole purpose. besides that you just have to enjoy life, the physical world, explore, do whatever makes you happy. your subconscious mind and the divine power do not work for thin air. they work for YOU. they work for the awareness. they wanna make sure you are happy, safe, and healthy. if that's not the case, let them change it. you don't have any other tasks, any other jobs, you don't have to move a single finger. remember how often i say "your birthright is happiness, you don't have to earn it because you always deserve it, it is your purpose in life". that is exactly what i mean. if you wanna do stuff, experience things, do it. but happiness is your only number one priority in the multiverse. nothing else.

your job is to exist, that's all you ever have to do.

shifting:

you probably heard the sentence "shifting is not your job" from me A LOT. i think everyone understood the basic point now, shifting is a law, it's the reason the multiverse exists bla bla bla. but now imagine this is not the case, okay? you don't shift for some reason, it doesn't exist as ultimate right now. shifting is still not YOUR job. you do nothing at all, it doesn't matter if you attempt or not. even when you do, there is nothing YOU, the awareness, change. you lay down, do a method, this all does not shift you. you do not shift yourself. but what happens is, that your subconscious mind runs up and down on the 4d, screaming "WE ARE IN OUR DR, WORK FASTER 3D!".

even then, when YOU do the "work", when YOU attemp, when YOU spent your time with "shifting yourself", you do nothing at all, it is just your subconscious mind. if you say "i want to shift" or attemp for 3 hours, there is no difference. the same thing happens. you, the awareness, are not supposed to do anything. what's your job? right, existing.

now we also know that the need "to do something", is extremely human, it is normal, you can't help it. so attempt as often as you want, your subconscious mind will love to receive such clear, obvious commands.

but what you also see in this community, are people that get their mental health ruined because of the "failures". it is not bad to do nothing, it is not lazy, it is not "not caring enough", it is your job. don't make yourself responsible for something you have no control over.

imagine you shift on command, immediately, the same thing happens. YOU say "i want to shift", your subconscious mind hears it and gives a command to the 3d, the 3d changes. you still don't do it yourself.

and when the 3d doesn't change right away, like it's often the case here, don't make yourself responsible for it nor your subconscious mind. you two did everything you had to do, your job is done. no need to worry. so if you want to attemp, do it. but if it hurts you, it's nothing bad to stop.

even if you "give up", you'll still shift. in fact, you also do your job then. you just exist, that's all. just because you don't hyperfocus on shifting, it won't change ever. you will shift no matter how much or less you do, it is completely unimportant.

iv. "everyone shifts constantly"

in this part i talk about "shifting constantly", a thing we already saw in kaiotic's post here where they started to talk about the topic so you're probably familiar with it! we agreed it would be fitting to explain the detailed "how" behind it here

⁣⠀⁣⠀ ⁣⠀⁣⠀we shift constantly. everyone of us. and no, i am not talking about "shifting is a law", you probably can't hear it anymore. we shift, you shift, i shift, your mom. you saw infinite versions of your mom, but are they different? did you have a whole other mom than yesterday? did you ever know her?

i use my little bathtub example again:

every single being in the multiverse has their own bathtub. it is always the exact same. you have one, i do, your mom also. in every bathtub are infinite bubbles. bathtub = 3d multiverse, bubbles = 3d realities. we can be in the EXACT identical bubble, 100%, but you are in YOUR bathtub and i am in MY.

and we constantly shift in our little bubbles, still always in the same. and a rule that always applies

"3d's can not effect each other". that means, you don't know what my 3d is like and i don't know yours.

we will never know. you can't know if i have a pokemon, you don't know if i look exactly like princess diana, you can not know. so we live in the same bubble, with two different 3d's. you shift all the time, i shift all the time. yes, we constantly change but that doesn't mean that we are randomly not in the identical bubbles anymore. the "you" in

my 3d changes all the time, but i still interact with YOU. just because you think i have blue hair, i don't have automatically blue hair in MY 3d. they can not effect each other. so you continue to interact with your mom, even if she changes constantly in your 3d. you do the same in hers.

this is very important to understand. it is nothing scary, it is nothing weird. you always interact with the same person. it is exactly the same with you, you shift all the time too but does that mean you are randomly a different person? just because our 3d's change separate from one another, it doesn't effect us directly. you still read this post here, don't you?

and i wrote it. like i did it with my other 50 ones. we are both very real, very equal and valid. so please don't overthink this, most of you come to very

out-of-context outcomes, so don't complicate it even more please, do it for yourself you won't be happy with spiraling. just remember, you are real, i am, your friends, and they won't magically change.

v. outro:

i hope i could introduce you to some things you didn't know about before! what you are, the part's of you,

your job's. always keep in mind that the things you want will come, there is no other possible outcome, no matter what. whatever happiness means to you, you'll receive it. always.

Note from me: i wanted to share this post cause i just found it useful, and this lovely vanilla have many incredible post on amino, she literally have so much experience in shifting.

[hermitw]

I've been thinking about this reblog of yours for months and I finally figured out how to respond to it.

I went and read No Longer Human by Junji Ito and it was a very upsetting thing to go through. I don't think I can read it again. However, I came out of it thinking that Gege was probably inspired by it.

When Yozo is first introduced, I noticed that Takaba's backstory was very similar. Feeling isolated from others, he decided to become a clown to gain acceptance from others. (Citations in Image Captions)

And later when Yozo was caught "cheating" (it's in quotes because those women are child rapists), I noticed that her face was really similar to the one Higuruma's client made when he felt betrayed by the trial outcome.

There's probably a lot more to say about how themes surrounding CSA and suicide in this work are echoed in JJK, but I'm not able to make the post myself. No Longer Human is too far out of my comfort zone in terms of graphic depiction to delve into it deeper.

But you seem strong enough to handle it, so... Idk maybe run with this some more.

Ohhh this is so interesting! I could definitely read No Longer Human again - tbh I read Junji Ito's version years ago. This year I listened to the audio book and bought a copy - but it's like, a draft in the author's handwriting (bc I thought it would help me study Japanese and if I had an English translation that I'd read it on repeat lmao). But you're real for that - I forget how disturbed people tend to be trying to read through it, I'm sorry that was rough.

I did go back to read the reblog and idk how relevant all that was - I've reread the manga since and felt like, oh I might have been misremembering some things like Uraume - idk if they actually had a freeze response in ch. 219, since they did tell Yorozu to back off though it took a minute - but it's also interesting how their CT deals with ice. Like to have a fight response, they freeze others? It's so interesting but I can't be sure whether it's there at all. (ik that yap II inspired some more coherent posts, like how it influenced Choso's self-image, etc., I linked but didn't tag you back then bc I felt Annoying especially w heavy topics but I can definitely go back and find them if you'd like.)

On a twin peaks note (without spoiling it), I feel like it inspired jjk to some extent - I've been feeling like the last chapter will end the way s2 did. Or at least - with the weird dreamy themes, "we are the dreamer who dreams and who lives inside the dream", etc...

But you're right - Yozo and the others' reactions resemble more jjk characters than I would think to connect. Takaba's jokes are truly a shield... And now I have an excuse to read Junji Ito's version again? Thank u so much (also isn't it funny how September 28 Uzumaki airs and September 30 jjk ends?).

I think gege gets inspired by the most tragic stories, I wonder how much of that is accurate but I can't always be convinced otherwise.... Especially when anime / manga series that he's confirmed as influences often deal with autonomy in ways that I couldn't handle (Evangelion, the night beyond the tricornered window).

By the way - ik we've mentioned elfen lied before, but in the first episode, you know that coffee mug? How it looks like jjk foreshadowing? Even has snail head Mahito - cut off-, the baseball, Panda, the worm (also cut off).... and later the newborn babies that look just like Yuuji...

I swear that elfen lied, Kagewani, and banana fish influenced jjk. It seems so obvious w those, maybe Vampire Princess Miyu as well.

Sorry for getting off topic - I've been looking into why Momotaro keeps coming up in jujutsu kaisen, and in the end it came back full circle to that damn coffee cup. Invest in a baseball team? A zoo? I'm going insane.

All this to say - rereading Junji Ito's version and seeing if I notice similarities between manga panels is so exciting. Gege even made a note that he asked for permission before drawing - I think it was the Uzumaki CT - So we know he's a big fan of Junji Ito. And it seems like there is a rly good chance No Longer Human inspired him as well (though I feel like characters with similar traumas having similar reactions is inevitable to some extent, if they're written in a believable way, it should be clearer when I'm reading both stories in the same format) based on the stories he has officially referenced.

[boozeforbrains]

You say you’re sober, but a lot of your posts are about disregarding limits or POS friends who enable drinking or talking sober people into drinking. Is it a fantasy of yours for your sobriety to be broken? Or do you see yourself as the enabler pushing the sober person in these kinds of scenarios?

Warning very serious and not so serious approach to this topic

Hmm yeah difficult psychosexual situation for me.

I do fantasize about being like bullied or forced into having my sobriety broken and it turns me on like very few other things, i always had the fantasy of forced intoxication/accidental intoxication/pushed/tricked/etc, ranging from being subtly manipulated to being literally tied up/kidnapped/whatever and for all intents and purposes forced, mentally and physically.

It became sort of more specific after i decided to be sober. I think if i genuinely had this happen to me, specifically if the other person got off on it as well and was very focused on getting me drunk id probably get off on it forever, literally a wet dream come true.

Sometimes i wonder if its a way out of being responsible for my own sobriety, or for drinking „just one more time“ im thinking its probably many things including this but also a life long fantasy.

Im always torn on the „do it or dont“ i genuinely do not believe there is truly a way to decide between right and wrong here. Only the time i have on this earth and what i decide to do with it. And again, ive had this fantasy since before puberty, at this point i wonder if its more of a need than a wish.

On the other hand i am an extremely responsible and health conscious person, i have a very full schedule, not a lot of time off and high expectations for myself in regards to my physical, (inter)personal, academic and work performance, all of which are pretty big contraindications to indulging myself as much as id like. (And presumably also the reason i tend to drink so heavily cause i cant get my brain to stop pushing myself to doing better and better and more and more)

Im also not a casual drinker at all. I dont drink often, i dont drink just one glass and i dont enjoy the taste of alcohol tbh, i never was a one beer/glass of wine to unwind type guy. I usually go for pretty long periods of time not even caring about alcohol at all and then drink very hard for a shorter period of time (it has to be worth it style) which is also why it took me a while to realize that my behaviour is not healthy regardlng alcohol tho again, Alcohol is just not healthy, no not even one glass, this has been proven by multiple studies at this point. its a neurotoxin that very much kills and cripples people, if were looking at it from a very sober (haha) perspective. (And since i work in healthcare i have seen the very real consequences of consistent, heavy alcohol abuse)

I dont know that i would feel comfortable pushing someone else into breaking sobriety, it would be a very individual decision for sure, mainly depending on how informed the other person was, how much they were consenting etc. i definitely wouldnt dare do it on a whim for purely my own pleasure, tho i could see myself indulging someone who was giving me a clear „go“ and enjoying it.

Even working the bar ive felt uncomfortable serving someone who after a couple drinks let drop to someone they were chatting with that theyd been sober for the last seven months. It made me sad because i know how much genuinely hard work it is.

On the other hand awooga drunk hot and sexy. That part is very implemented in my brain as well.

Not sure if this is the answer you were looking for, its definitely a complex topic for me, i hope i could sort of explain my feelings and thoughts on it to your statisfaction.

[martiandmichelle]

Answering You and Other Stuff

I (Marti), as well as the other ladies of Mountain Media, are doing our best to answer your messages, mail, and comments. I do think we're doing better. But be patient with us; we're still going to miss some things. Our priority of response is (1) mail to our inbox; (2) comments to our posts; (3) messages; (4) reblogs. We'll occasionally write to new followers or to someone who reblogs a lot of our stuff. (Reblogging will ALWAYS get you noticed!) We won't engage in a long list of your write us; we respond to you; you respond to our response; we respond to your response of our response - you get the idea, right? We get A LOT of communications and we'll do our best to respond but our "jobs" can sometimes keep us busy day and night.

On another topic: our blogs have always had lots of descriptions about our sex lives. On this Tumblr blog, we're going to reduce that in favor of more photos/gifs. However, we're going to open a secondary blog where we'll go into more of the details of our sex lives, especially mine.

We also plan to start populating our long dormant Blogger (Blogspot) site which will be reposting stuff from Tumblr. Also, Blogger used to let us post more X rated stuff (think blowjobs and nipple sucking) that Tumblr censors. We'll let you know when this is active again.

Lastly: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE MESSAGES, MAIL, AND COMMENTS RECENTLY! That's what keeps us going. Please, PLEASE keep it up!

Love you guys,

Marti

[deans-queen]

Repairing Hearts 👷🏻‍♂️❤️‍🩹

New Mini Series

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader (Y/N)

Summary: Reader (Y/N) is a single mom, struggling to fix her leaky roof. She posts an ad on social media desperate for help. When local repairman, Jensen Ackles offers to help, the two grow an unexpected connection that grows.

Warnings: SMUT (p in v, wrap it up kids), other mature themes, mild language, emotional topics. (If there is any that I missed please let me know) I will label the warnings in each part!

Part 5: Reader’s POV

Warnings: language, arguing/angst, light smut, and fluff.

The air was crisp, with a soft breeze carrying the scent of freshly popped popcorn and cotton candy as we made our way through the zoo. Aria skipped ahead, her excitement practically radiating off her in waves as she tugged at Jensen’s hand, pulling him toward the direction of the elephant exhibit.

“Come on, come on!” she squealed, her little voice filled with pure joy. “I want to see the elephants first!”

Jensen grinned down at her, letting her lead the way. “Alright, princess. Elephants it is,” he said, his tone playful as he glanced back at me with that familiar warmth in his eyes. It still took me by surprise sometimes—how naturally he fit into our lives, how easily he had bonded with Aria.

We had spent the whole week planning this trip to the zoo, and Aria had barely contained her excitement the night before, chattering on and on about the elephants. They had always been her favorite. She loved their big ears, their gentle eyes, and the way they moved so slowly and gracefully despite their size.

When we finally reached the elephant exhibit, Aria pressed her face against the railing, her eyes wide as she stared at the giant creatures.

“Look, Mommy! They’re so big!” she exclaimed, pointing at the elephants as they slowly lumbered across the enclosure.

I smiled, leaning down next to her. “They are, baby. Aren’t they beautiful?”

Jensen knelt down beside her, his hand resting gently on her back. “Did you know elephants are one of the smartest animals in the world?”

Aria’s eyes lit up with curiosity. “Really?”

“Really,” he said, nodding. “They can remember things for years, and they even have their own way of talking to each other.”

I watched them interact, my heart swelling with affection. Aria hung on Jensen’s every word, soaking in everything he said as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. And the way he looked at her—with such patience, such care—it made my chest ache in the best way possible. He even bought her a stuffed animal elephant that she’s going to love and cherish forever.

The day passed in a blur of laughter and excitement. We explored every corner of the zoo, from the giraffes to the penguins to the big cats, and Aria loved every second of it. Jensen carried her on his shoulders when her little legs got tired, and I couldn’t stop smiling, watching the two of them together. It felt so easy, so right—like we were already a family.

As the sun started to dip low in the sky, casting a golden glow over the zoo, we decided to head home. Aria had fallen asleep in the back seat before we even left the parking lot, exhausted from the excitement of the day. I glanced at Jensen, his hands resting on the steering wheel as he drove, his eyes soft as he watched the road.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, reaching over to rest my hand on his arm. “For today. It meant so much to her.”

Jensen smiled, his hand covering mine, squeezing gently. “It meant a lot to me too, Y/N. I love spending time with you both.”

I smiled back, feeling the warmth of his words settle into my heart. “We love spending time with you too.”

When we got home, I tucked Aria into bed making sure she had her stuffed animal Elephant close to her, which she decided to call him “Dumbo” from the Disney movie. Jensen and I were sitting on the couch, basking in the glow of the perfect day, laughing about Aria’s excitement over the elephants and how she had tried to convince Jensen to adopt one as a pet.

But then we heard a knock at the door — wondering who it could be at this hour. And to my dismay, standing at the front door, leaning against the frame with a scowl on his face, was Aria’s dad. I hadn’t seen him in months—hadn’t heard from him since the day he decided being a father was too much responsibility for him. And now, here he was, showing up unannounced like he had any right to be here.

I felt my stomach twist with a mix of anxiety and anger as I looked at him. Jensen’s eyes were immediately on me, his expression hardening when he followed my gaze and saw who was waiting for us.

“Y/N,” my ex said, his voice dripping with annoyance. “We need to talk.”

I straightened my back, trying to keep my voice calm. “What are you doing here?”

He shrugged, pushing off the doorframe. “I figured it was time I saw my daughter. I’ve got rights, you know.”

My jaw clenched. The audacity of him showing up here after all this time—after abandoning Aria and me—was almost too much to handle. “You don’t get to just show up out of nowhere, acting like you care.”

He rolled his eyes, stepping closer, and I could see the anger in his expression. “Don’t act like I’m the bad guy, Tianna. You kept me out of her life.”

“YOU abandoned me when I got pregnant! And now all of sudden that’s my fault that you’re not part of her life!?” I say, frustration and anger in my voice. I couldn’t believe the bullshit that was coming out of his mouth.

I could feel the tension building, my chest tightening with the familiar hurt and frustration that always seemed to follow him. But before I could say anything else, Jensen stepped forward, placing himself between me and my ex. His presence was solid, protective, and the look in his eyes was cold as steel.

“That’s enough,” Jensen said, his voice calm but dangerous. “You’ve got no right to talk to her like that.”

My ex narrowed his eyes, clearly irritated by Jensen’s presence. “Who the hell are you?” he snapped, looking Jensen up and down like he was sizing him up.

Jensen didn’t back down. “I’m the one who’s been here for Y/N and Aria while you’ve been off doing whatever the hell you’ve been doing. You want to talk? You do it with respect.”

My ex let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “Respect? You’re just some random guy she’s messing around with.”

Jensen’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t rise to the bait. Instead, he took a step closer, his voice dropping low. “I’m the man who’s taking care of your daughter and the woman you walked out on. So, unless you’ve got something useful to say, I suggest you leave.”

There was a beat of silence, tension crackling in the air. My ex stared at Jensen, clearly trying to decide if he wanted to push the issue, but something in the way Jensen stood—calm, steady, unflinching—made him think twice. With a scoff, he turned his back on us, muttering under his breath as he walked away.

I stood there, my heart racing, watching as he disappeared into the night. It wasn’t until he was completely out of sight that I let out the breath I’d been holding.

Jensen turned to me, his eyes softening as he took my hand. “You okay?”

I nodded, feeling a wave of relief wash over me. “Yeah... I just can’t believe he showed up like that.”

Jensen pulled me into his arms, holding me tight. “He won’t bother you again, sweetheart. I’ll make sure of it.”

I melted into his embrace, feeling safe in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time. “Thank you,” I whispered against his chest, my voice shaky with emotion.

Jensen kissed the top of my head, his hand stroking my back. “You don’t have to thank me, sweetheart. I’m here for you. For both of you.”

Later that night, I stood by the window, staring out at the street, still shaken from earlier. My ex’s sudden appearance had dredged up so many emotions—anger, hurt, fear. Even though he was gone, the memory of his harsh words lingered like a dark cloud over the perfect day we had spent at the zoo.

I hated that he had this power over me, even now. I hated that he could show up and stir up all that hurt after being absent for so long. He had no right to disrupt our lives like this, especially not after everything I had built with Aria on my own. And now, with Jensen in the picture, things were different. We were different.

I felt strong, but in moments like this, that strength wavered.

“Hey,” Jensen’s voice was soft as he walked up behind me, his arms slipping around my waist. I leaned back against him, closing my eyes and letting the warmth of his body calm the storm inside me. “You’ve been quiet since he left.”

I sighed, my heart heavy. “I just can’t stop thinking about him—how he thinks he can just show up and disrupt everything. It’s like he thinks he has some right to Aria, when he’s never been there for her. Or for me.”

Jensen turned me around to face him, his eyes filled with understanding. “I get it, babe. He walked away when you needed him the most, and now he wants to pretend he’s entitled to something. But he’s not. He doesn’t get to just come in and make demands.”

I looked up into his eyes, grateful for the reassurance, but still, a part of me couldn’t shake the fear. “What if he tries to come back again? What if he causes trouble? I don’t want Aria to be hurt by him.”

Jensen’s expression hardened, his jaw tightening. “He won’t, I promise you that. I won’t let him near you or Aria. He had his chance, and he blew it. I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”

The intensity in his voice sent a wave of comfort through me. I believed him. I always did. Jensen wasn’t just saying those words—he meant them. Every touch, every look, every moment we’d shared had proven that he wasn’t going to leave. Not like my ex had.

I reached up, brushing my fingers along his jaw, feeling the stubble beneath my touch. “I’m so glad you’re here,” I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.

Jensen leaned down, his lips brushing against mine. The kiss started soft, but there was something deeper there—something more urgent. His hands tightened around my waist, pulling me closer, and I felt that familiar spark ignite between us.

“You have no idea how much love you, Y/N,” he murmured against my lips, his breath warm as his hands slid up my sides, teasing the edge of my shirt. “Every time I look at you, I fall harder.”

My heart raced, the weight of his words sinking in as his mouth moved to my neck, leaving a trail of heated kisses down to my collarbone. His touch was intoxicating, making me forget everything but him—forget the pain, forget the fear.

“I love you too,” I breathed, my fingers tangling in his hair as I pressed my body against his. “Jensen…”

He lifted me easily, my legs wrapping around his waist as he carried me toward the bedroom, his lips never leaving mine. The air between us was charged with that electric pull, that undeniable need that had been building since the moment we met.

Once inside the room, he laid me down on the bed, his body hovering over mine as his gaze locked onto me with a fierce intensity. “You’re mine, baby. All of you. I’m never letting you go.”

I shivered at the possessiveness in his voice, feeling the heat in my core build as his hands slid down my body, tugging at the hem of my shirt before pulling it over my head. “I don’t want you to,” I whispered, my breath catching as he kissed me again, deeper this time.

Every kiss, every touch was filled with that unspoken promise—that no matter what happened, Jensen was here to stay. And as his hands roamed my body, exploring every inch of me with a burning desire, I knew that he was right. We were building something real, something lasting, and no one—especially not my ex—could take that away from us.

Jensen’s POV

Watching Y/N underneath me, her lips swollen from our kisses, her breath coming in soft, ragged gasps, I knew there was no turning back. I’d never felt anything like this before—this all-consuming need to be with someone, to protect them, to make sure they knew just how much they meant to me.

She looked up at me, her eyes dark and full of trust, and it hit me right then and there—I didn’t want to spend another day without her. I wanted to be the man she and Aria could rely on for the rest of their lives.

“Y/N,” I murmured, my hands sliding down to her hips as I kissed her again, slower this time, savoring the way her body responded to mine. “There’s something I’ve been thinking about.”

Her eyes fluttered open, her breath catching as she looked up at me. “What is it?”

I paused for a moment, feeling the weight of the moment settle in my chest. I’d never done this before, but with her, it felt right. Hell, it felt like the only thing that made sense.

I sat up, pulling her with me until we were both sitting on the edge of the bed. Her shirt was gone, and her hair was a mess, but she looked so damn beautiful, it took my breath away. I reached into the pocket of my jeans, my heart pounding in my chest as I pulled out the small box I’d been carrying around for days, waiting for the right moment.

“This,” I said softly, holding up the box, “is what I’ve been thinking about.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, her hand flying to her mouth as she stared at the box in my hand. “Jensen…”

I opened it, revealing the simple yet elegant ring inside. “I know it’s fast. I know we haven’t been together for that long, but I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. You and Aria… you’re everything to me. I want to be here for you, every day, for the rest of our lives.”

Tears filled her eyes as she looked from the ring to me, her lips trembling. “Jensen…”

“I love you, Y/N. I love Aria. I want to build a life with you, and I’m asking you to marry me. To let me be the man who takes care of you, who protects you, and who loves you for the rest of my life.”

For a moment, she was silent, her hand still covering her mouth as tears streamed down her cheeks. My heart raced, waiting for her answer, but the look in her eyes told me everything I needed to know.

“Yes,” she whispered, her voice breaking as she smiled through the tears. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Relief and joy surged through me as I slipped the ring onto her finger, pulling her into my arms. I kissed her deeply, pouring every ounce of love I had into that kiss, knowing that from this moment on, everything was about to change.

She was mine, and I was hers. Forever.

Reader’s POV

And in that moment, I knew without a doubt that he meant every word. Jensen wasn’t just part of my life—he was part of our family, and nothing, not even Aria’s dad, could change that.

Authors Note:

Hope you enjoyed this part because I certainly enjoyed writing it! The way Jensen stepped in to protect her from Aria’s dead beat dad like 🥵Y’all they’re gonna get married!!! 🥰🥹😭😭 Let me know if you want me to write the wedding/honeymoon part! 🫶🏻

Feel free to let me know what you think! I always love reading feedback!

Like & follow for more !! Xoxo

Want to read more? Check out my other stories!

Master list 📝

Tag list

@kr804573 / @deanscherrypie420 / @reignsboy19 / @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx / @riah1606 / @deanwinchestersgirl8734 / @thoughtfullyfurryangel / @10ava01 / @jackles010378 / @winchesterwild78 / @ladysparkles78 / @whimsyfinny

If you would like to be added on my Taglist for stories please send me a message or comment on this post !

[genericpuff]

Was your Kore/Persephone portrayal inspired by dissociative disorders? I interpreted it more as her dark internal monologue that she was suppressing. Like when you have dark thoughts of know things inherently, but try to rationalize your way out of thinking them. I figured it was just a more dramatic way of portraying intrusive thoughts.

Ahh this isn't really a question I can answer with a simple "yes" or "no". Especially when considering everything you just listed are often inherently symptoms of many interlinked mental disorders like DID and BPD haha (especially when it comes to the suppressing).

As I mentioned in my previous post I've been writing these types of characters for years. Uzuki is a big one that comes to mind. I love writing conflicts of the self, mind vs. reality, identity vs. instinct, past vs. present, etc.

CW: BLOOD/GORE, GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, DEPICTION OF TRAUMATIC BREAKDOWNS AND DISSOCIATION AHEAD!!!

(note the black and grey pages are read right to left like a manga, this was from my weeb days LOL)

It wasn't until years later after I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism that I realized my love for those tropes was rooted in something far more internal. Sure, sometimes a trope is just a trope, but now I fully understand why I've found myself pulled back to that trope time and time again, because I myself have struggled with a lot of the same internal conflicts that characters like Uzuki and Kore have struggled with. It wasn't just me loving a trope, it was me finding solidarity and representation in characters who shared my experiences, even if they were largely hypothetical or for the sake of creative expression.

That realization came long before Rekindled, of course, but it hit me like a sack of bricks when it did, as any realization of an undiagnosed disorder tends to do after years of thinking you're just "broken". That said, it's allowed me to explore these topics with even more nuance and understanding, while also pointing out my own weaknesses and blind spots in the pre-conceived notions I had about myself that I was then able to challenge once I knew what was really going on. It was still challenging as it was so personal, but it ultimately made me a stronger person and a stronger writer.

Skip to the future though with Rekindled, everything I just explained is why I was so interested in LO's AoW plotline to begin with, because a lot of it played to my own interests in those sorts of characterizations - consequently, it was one of the plotlines I wanted to overhaul the most when I started coming up with the basis for Rekindled, as I was disappointed that it was forgotten about over the course of S2 and completely retconned by the trial arc. In a weird way, it almost feels like all the time I spent working with characters like Uzuki was preparing me for a character like Kore/Persephone. And conversely, writing about Kore/Persephone has helped me harness my skills more which I can take back with me when it comes time to continue Uzuki's story.

All that said, mental disorders and neurodiversity were never "inspiration" to me when I was learning how to write and/or designing these characters, but that didn't make them any less intersectional. It was more like something that just came naturally to me as someone who is neurotypical and has diagnosed mental disorders (I am my own worst inspirations LOL) and I wanted more characters like that who weren't just automatically "villains". I try to always treat them with care to ensure that I'm being kind to both the characters as well as myself as someone who heavily relates to these experiences, but I'm also not really afraid to express the more "ugly" sides of those experiences either. Especially with characters like Uzuki who are largely problematic to their core in their actions - much of those actions, as I would learn about myself in my own healing journey as well, are often spurred on by a lack of care, empathy, and understanding in their unique struggles.

There is so much I'd love to say about Kore and Persephone's characterizations and what led them to this point, but I got about a paragraph in before realizing that it would be WAY too massive of a spoiler LOL I'm really, really excited to get into it - though nervous too - but I hope that, at the very least, readers can have patience for her as she goes through everything that's on the horizon. There are times it may get ugly, even outright bleak, but that is simply one side of the coin that represents her duality as a goddess - the dreaded Bringer of Destruction, and the merciful Goddess of Spring.

[syndrossi]

On the topic of Jon getting more comfortable to relax and being vulnerable in this life; I do wonder if you've given any thoughts to Jon exploring his sexuality? In the books, you see him just push his attraction to Satin to the back of his dead, and obviously, we don't have any resolution. Here, I can almost guarantee that Daemon will love and support his children, always. And I bet getting the support of Rheagar too would be a relief.

And of course, Jon slowly giving in to comfort and allowing himself to be vulnerable and have prefrences (like the cake scene you shared, which killed me).

Can you tell I absolutely love Jon?

I'm pretty sure that Aegon will ensure that all the royal children explore their options. 😅 My position on societal views of sexuality at least in Resonant (but seems to be somewhat true even in canon), is that the more power/station you have, the less anyone cares about your preferences, so long as you do your marital duty and are either capable enough at your job, or fearsome enough. There are quite a few canonically gay/bi (or highly implied gay/bi) characters who don't seem to be viewed negatively. Princess/Queen Rhaena and her many beloved female companions is one of the more notable ones, though obviously there are more. Lady Jeyne Arryn is described quite similarly to Rhaena in terms of beloved female companions.

Heck, when considering Rhaenyra's options, Laenor's sexuality was openly discussed and literally amounted to "who cares which he prefers if he does his martial duty?" And his favorites seem to have been well known at court.

Things do seem to be trending less tolerant by the time of Robert Baratheons rule, so perhaps it was a shift over generations (either influenced by the Faith or the general lack of stability post-Dance).

Regarding canon-Jon's attitudes, I do wonder if the southern kingdoms of the time just tend to be a little more open than the North in regards to such matters? (There were the men urging him not to take Satin as a steward due to his past, after all, though I forget if we know where they hailed from.) And obviously it will differ person to person, even amongst highborn and smallfolk. Because meanwhile, you've got canon!Rhaegar's whatever with Jon Connington. It may or may not have been wholly unrequited, but you can't tell me Rhaegar wasn't aware and clearly still considered him a dear friend. And it did not seem that he was shunned by others in Rhaegar's friend circle.

[marengogo]

Are You Sure ?! - #4: I Hate that YOU Love Hate You but, I Love YOU, so ...

I’m listening to a Mellow/Angsty Love playlist - (yes) it has BTS/ solos BTS songs as well

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

Hello My Sentimental Girls, Bois and Enbys,

Please be kindly warned that I am going to be overpoweringly sensitive as I write this. Not necessarily because Are You Sure?! has unfortunately come to an end, but because, as I try to write this post, as always, “through” my TwinFlame’s JK emotional lens, the last two episodes really were so full of so many feelings that I am trying my best to order my thoughts and do them justice. Like, let me tell you, this boy really felt plenty, or better yet he allowed himself to truly feel a lot hence, as always, through respectful speculation and educated guessing I’ll try my best to convey my related observations. 

Towards the end of the post I’ll also have a little confession to make about something that I have been so determinedly ignoring, because the mere thought always makes me so uncomfortable, sad, and a tiny bit scared, so there’s also that.

All that being said, here I am, concluding this physical/sentimental journey, with my unrequested thoughts but with a hopeful sense that perhaps writing this down will somehow lessen my emotional weight, because let’s be for real, I am going to have AYS withdrawals on Thursday. So, is this post going to be long?  … 🤡 I mean, you should know me by now. For those who don’t know me, yes, it will be a long post 🙏🏾.

Truly free things are hard to come by nowadays. Undoubtedly, money has effectively found its way into our everything. Yet, there is one thing that hasn’t changed in its acquired value as in, how you get by it, and how you get it, etc. This one thing is still available free and you can find it anywhere, LITERALLY. However, whether or not you’ll be able to acquire it, and eventually keep it, is, to this day, one of the most debated, discussed, joyed over, cried over, mused over, etc, topic. 

Yes, you’ve guessed; it’s Love. 

I don’t believe I was actually ever taught about just Love in all its forms. Not at home, not at school school talked about famous people in love, sexual education, popular love … basically they beat around the bushes 🙄, or amongst friends, and if I had, I do not recall it, at all and y’all, I have one heck of a good memory, I will not be humble about that. I think that my first notions and ideas I formed about the concept of Love came through books and films, and let me tell you, there is an infinite related archive out there, which can be as exciting, as much as dangerous. Regardless, even though it was never really explained to me same for everyone most likely, as I grew up, EVERYONE loooved to talk about it, ALL THE TIME, so somehow, I made my own understanding of it. 

One of the things I understood was that some day, when I would become a woman, I would find an adult man, have a family, children, and live happily ever after because I would fall in love and some man would fall in love with me. I understood it as a given; Everyone, of a certain gender, falls in love with someone, of the opposite gender, because there is someone out there, of a certain gender, for everyone, of the opposite gender, just waiting to find you or to be found. Basically, Everyone will eventually find, and forever keep, mutual heterosexual romantic Love.

Spoiler alert: It wasn’t not true.

In fact, the true state of things is actually the very opposite. The minority of people on this planet, heterosexual or not, will experience, and live with true mutual romantic love, and will be able to keep it for a very long time, and even fewer others will be able to take it all the way to the day they die, those are at the Legendary Level ones. And I am not saying this because I am jaded or bitter or any other hurt and/or hater-inclined-behaviour, you can really miss me with alla dat. This is just that one very helpful, and hard, to accept and you don’t have to accept it by the way! reality that should hit everyone at some point, but not always does. When it doesn’t hit, people may end up tormenting themselves sometimes to death when and/or if they can’t “find love”, wondering if they are unloveable, what is wrong with them, etc etc etc.  

Reason why, it is paramount to love yourself first and foremost. 

Because it might be true that someone is “unlovable” or that there is “something wrong with them” but, if true, this is principally hindering one’s well-being because, finding and trying to fix whatever might be amiss with one's self, may not guarantee a successful mutual romantic love, but it does guarantee a happier life in general. I mean, listen, if in the scope of things, you might end up having to spend the rest of your life without a mutual romance, meaning, you have to spend infinite time with you, yourself & YOU, how is that going to work, if you don’t love yourself …? And, just in case it wasn’t common knowledge, Loving Yourself is not easy, like any other relationship, it takes work. The reason why therapy ain’t cheap ✌🏾💰💋but needed, honestly.

So, let’s make no mistake; alas Love, in any of its forms btw, if it is harmful, it is not Love is needed. In fact, as it turns out, human beings were “programmed” in such a way that having it in one's life would make their existence progress less painfully, or even painlessly. In addition, self-love is one of the purest, satisfying, and incredibly useful types of love out there.

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID, for those lucky enough to find & keep romantic love regrettably, thus far, I am not one of those, trust me when I tell you, it is not at all smooth sailing. There are just so many factors to be factored in and the bear thought of it all can honestly be enough to make anyone not want to be bothered by it.

Yet, my beloved and most precious, TwinFlame seems to have found it. Now, I can’t guarantee it to be romantic as always, despite me believing it to be so but he sure as hell is fighting his darn life to keep it. So, yes, hm, I think

JK is in Love.

If it wasn’t clear enough in episode 1 all the way to this finale, JM is a person whose presence JK particularly wants in his life, and whose absence kinda makes him feel sort of … unsettled? … but I’ll dive deep into this, later on in this post. For now, it is important to point out that my TwinFlame not only actively looks after JM, but he actively seeks JM’s attention, he actively wants to be sought by JM, he actively tries to make JM happy, he actively wants to level with JM, he actively wants JM to be comfortable around himself JK and for JM to be comfortable with himself JM. Basically, JK cares, in his own way, quite loudly for JM. And I say “his own way” because I believe JK’s emotional intelligence (EI) to be somewhat different from the common ones. I actually received an ask about his EI, which I plan to answer very soon 🙏🏾, so for now, I will not dive into that in this, cos I really ain’t trying to compete with the length of dictionaries with this post 😬. 

Japanese people, traditionally, have a fascination for sad love stories, and ever since I got into 875, I’ve been wondering if Koreans feel the same way but in their case, it is likely to be just Sadness period. You see, in the West, we “all” love a heartbreaking and passionate love story, the reason why Romeo and Juliet will probably be eternally famous. Yet, we don’t believe that true love is love, because it is brought about by unbearable suffering, so it must be real. We are more of the true love, is love, because it leads to immeasurable happiness kinda style. Basically we Westerners love Romeo and Juliet because of what they could have been, but Japanese and maybe Koreans would love Romeo of Juliet because of what they were to each other. So when a person like me watches a movie like 5 Centimetres per Second and swears to never watch it EVER AGAIN which I haven’t and refuse to, a Japanese person might think that is probably one of those movies they’ll find themselves watching over and over again and let me tell you, it was great, I just don’t think I can handle a second viewing, no thanks.

So if I am correct in thinking that Koreans feel similarly as Japanese in this matter, JK, like many other Korean folk, loves to sing sad/angsty/melancholic songs. Either by himself, or in company, like he used to with Tae probably they still do as well as watching sad movies, like JM’s favourite being The Notebook and JK’s being Titanic. Yet, here is where the glitch in the matrix happens; JK was most likely not that serious but wasn’t he? 😬 when he brought this up however, he seemed to be a little bothered by the fact that JM really liked “Hate You” out of all the song in his album. JM sang Seven, 3D and Standing Next to You this particular one he kept bringing up like there was no tomorrow, throughout all 3 trips, yet, when he played Hate You in the car, for the second time because he had as well in episode 6 JK was like; “Why?”. 

Let me tell you something.You know how I usually skip Spring Day, cause I can’t really handle it? Before AYS Ep. 8 I used to skip Hate You as well for the same reasons as Spring Day; it was too sad for me to bear as it felt closely related him singing it alone makes me relate it to him in my flowed brain, even though he didn’t write it 🙃 to people I love, people being the Tannies. Lovely by Khalid and Billie Eilish in comparison is MUCH SADDER but because I am in no way emotionally connected to either Khalid or Billie I don’t mind listening to the song at all I love that song. 

Anyways, Long story short, it looked like it bothered him a tiny bit. It felt almost as if “Sure, we are Koreans and we like sad love songs, this being an excellent one, but I don’t want MY love story to be sad” kind of bothered “also this better have NOTHING to do with the fact that Shawn Mendes wrote this song!” - perhaps nervously thought JK 🤡🤣😂. In fact, there are a few situations that came up, involving him and JM, which “bothered” him and he had no qualms in bringing up with JM right away, which by the way is healthy AF. JK seems to be the type of partner that wants to confront you right away and will not let it be until he hears the words that make him know that the “conflict” is cleared to his own satisfaction, or until he senses you don’t want to talk about it any further in that particular moment.

Those are all examples, during AYS, where JK was satisfied with the answer that JM gave him to the legit concerns/silly questions he brought up. JK’s reaction right after all of those answers was him being content/happy, by laughing, singing along, or something else, hence moving on. Below is an example where he wasn’t satisfied with the answer:

Did he just drop it? Did they talk it out? As always, we will never know, as this part cuts into another scene. Only JK, JM and the editors will know and this is a fact we should never forget. Never forget about editing limitations, and this is a very good moment to add that even though whoever translated this show did a shitty ass job, the crew that went with them, to film in Sapporo specifically, seemed to be quite familiar with them, their dynamics almost like friends, which I think contributed with JK and JM feeling as comfy as they did in Japan.

Japan.

By the looks of it, this is the country that holds special meaning to both myself and my TwinFlame and, NGL, this kinda makes me happy and feel special LOL 😜. BUT, I DIGRESS! Didn’t JK seem a bit more … relaxed? Besides the very romantic fact that he wanted to go back to Tokyo because it was their first trip, didn’t JK seem a tad flirtier, a tad cuter, a tad more annoying, a tad comfier and just so fucking happy? He, and I’d dare say JM as well, truly let their guards down, even if just a tad. The fact that JK & JM wondered how the crew would have edited the content tells me that they were fully aware about the fact that they were being filmed, but didn’t want to think too much about it, because they wanted to also have a sense of freedom. Because of that, perhaps, they tried to give us as much realness as they could, restraining themselves in some instances, while also saying Fuck it! in few other cases during which they perhaps forgot about the fact that they were being filmed, confidently relying on their trusted crew to properly edit the footage in the best way possible. But back to the main point,

JK is in Love.

JK is probably the type of person who wishes he could have an answer, and/or remedy, to any problem his significant other may have. Yeah, he is probably the type of man that wishes he could take away all their pain, or feel it for them instead, and it is exactly because he seems to be willing to do anything for his loved one’s well-being that I think that sometimes he does struggle with some of their societal boundaries, such as; age hierarchy. Without getting too much into his EI, the part in episode 7 where he brings up how things would have been if he and JM would have been born the same year really stood out and stayed with me.

In this particular instance, for the first time I finally got to see him kinda mind about their age difference, almost troubled and not because he might think it to be a lot which it isn't at all, but because according to their societal practices, he theoretically should constantly be mindful about it, limiting greatly the actions he can do, not that he’s ever heed to them, but the fact is that he should, and in certain situations, he must. If we think about it properly, right from their debut years, JK has struggled a lot with referring, and treating, JM as a hyung, which is actually quite weird considering that the person he treated more like a “chingu” friend of the same age in this context was is Tae, even though, to my knowledge, he’s never dropped honorifics with him and had no desire in doing so, as explained during the first In The Soop which in hindsight, I’m sure must have confused Tae a lot who has been trying to be his cool hyung for as long as I can remember  (the following pictures are not from In The Soop, but Festa 2021). 

Like, it is honestly so peculiar how, back in the day, JK had never really treated JM as your typical “chingu”, nor a hyung, yet found himself sticking by JM’s side a lot, off cameras, filming him a lot, acting stand-offish just to apologise right after, staring at him a lot, learning all his likes and dislikes, studying his body and habits, doing questionable things such as focusing rather often on his lips and butt through a camera lens, which eventually evolved into JM being the first member he’s ever bought a gift for, as well as being the first member he’s ever travelled alone with… basically, as I’ve stated, JK has really never seen JM as his hyung or friend though he does try to remind himself of it. 

So if JM is not a hyung, or a “chingu”; then what is he? 🙄… 

Wanna know what’s even funnier? JM clearly cares about JK enormously and though he likes most of all of his sides cos JK can be annoying when he wants to 🤡✌🏾 the side he likes the most is his cute side; but here comes the catch. It would seem that from their debut days, JM truly became fond of that cutesy, happily skipping, side that JK shows with his hyungs in particular and the fact that they are ALL his hyung, including JM, just made writing this sentence so weird NGL …, that cuddly, super-maknae aura he has many a time, with literally everyone but the 95s, because Tae, as speculated, he seems to see as a chingu and JM as a … charming person?? Whatever that means.

Now JK does give JM “cute”, sometimes, but it is not the little brother kind of cute. It’s that “don’t go without me…” kind of cute, “let’s buy the same one” kinda cute, “you didn’t show me first, so I am hurt” kinda cute, “how do I look?” kind of cute “I can film you, but don’t film me” kind cute, “... spend time with ME!” kinda cute … you get the jist, don’t you? Cause, repeat after me; He a simp, he a simp, he a simp! And there is nothing wrong with being a simp tbh, as long as you own up to it, and JK does own up to it marvellously 💋.

And remember when I mentioned about him feeling sort of unsettled when JM isn’t around? I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days but doesn’t it almost feel like a sort of … separation anxiety? Through the whole episodes it sometimes felt like he tried to do as much as possible, of anything, with JM as if he would just take off and leave at some point. This could also explain him always popping up on WEVERSE whenever JM took a flight, or trying his darn best to get him to come around even though they had just spent so much time together in the US. But who knows right? Perhaps he just really loves to spend every hour, every minute, every second with JM because, like crazy,  

JK is in Love.

So in love that he thought it important for himself to drive them to the airport, hence he didn’t drink that last beer I know he was dying inside, as well as taking a flight to Korea with JM, when he really could have just flown to the US from Japan. So in love that out of all the trips he's been to in his life, Are You Sure?! is the best trip he’s ever been on and he wishes to reboot when they come out of the military, where, by the way, they presently are together 🤡 . So in love that he wasn’t going to have JM get sad and lost in his own thoughts while in his presence, no, reason why, like a knight in shining armour, he “went and saved” him from his slump and not because JM was a princess in distress, but because prince charming also needs saving every once in a while If you ask me, the main “princess” in this relationship is my TwinFlame, no doubt, cause I also fo happen to think that they do take turns, for sure. Hence, the main “prince charming” is most definitely JM, and btw, frequency of a certain behaviour is not a factor that determines who is “main” 💋. 

Marengo Confession-Time!  😬- here it goes: I love watching people react to ANY 875 content, but I haven’t been able to watch anybody react to Are You Sure?! Because to put it plainly I am scared. I’m scared that people will question their relationship, or have homophobic reactions, or feel uncomfortable watching them when they do what they do. I just don’t want them to be hated for something they can’t help and are comfortable with. For the most part I am sure they would maybe nt comment, or chalk it up as “brotherly behavior", but what if they don’t? In fact, I am also so apprehensive of the reaction the world would have if they are a couple if they ever came out, it genuinely terrifies me.

I don’t want them to be looked at like freaks, or worse, so I am not able to bring myself to watch people react to them, in the same way I turn off when people have unwarranted shit to say when reacting to 875’s music. If they are a couple, I truly want them to be happy, safe, and become part of the Legendary Level ones. So, even though the world may not be fully ready to want their chapter in their history books, I hope it will someday,  because theirs would be such a motivating and enthralling chapter at that. 

I don’t know what will await them when they come out of ME. It is interesting though that JK made all these memories during the trip to take with himself and think about while serving. The snow he watched with JM, the restaurants they ate at, the time they tried skiing for the first time, the antics in the sauna and the “scuzzi”, the tuna-mayo gimbap he knew JM would love, the good afternoon and good night whiskey, and more. Now that I think about it, in some way, JK has a similar Love background to mine, he most likely wasn’t taught that romantic Love can come from someone of the same gender and he wasn’t exactly taught that not having children or a traditional family can be okay. 

Yet, I have a feeling that just like me, through movies perhaps, songs, or other means he’s figured out a thing or two. I have a feeling that he will decide for himself what Love is to himself, all the forms of Love he will need, who embodies Love for him, and what role Love will take in his life, and whether or not JM turns out to be that person MAKE NO MISTAKE: JM is an incredibly important person in his life. So, it is a strong feeling I have, but then again when has JK ever not taken control of his own life? When has he ever not followed his instincts and/or succumbed to what people want him to do? Same for JM really. 

These are two boys who found themselves in Seoul even though they were born in Busan, like, the universe wanted them to meet. They are two boys, who, along with the other five, made the phrase impossible Is Nothing feel real. After all, these are indeed two boys who really can’t be told to do anything. There is a very famous quote, which kinda makes me think of them:

I am the Master of my Fate, I am the Captain of my Soul.

So yeah, the future is uncertain but one thing is for sure, no relationship that took so long, so much care, and so many trails to build, can be so easily destroyed. So, fighting TwinFlame, whatever it is you want, you got this! 👊🏾.

Always respectfully yours 🫰🏾💜,

Marengo.

PS - Dammit! I miss them so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭