#they are to me the great platonic ideal. what if you were best friends but also a disgusting old baggage

[cosmicrhetoric]

do you think granny weatherwax and nanny ogg were in love

haha. esme and gytha are like a perfect representation of what it wouldve been like if gilgamesh and enkidu were platonic. they r both the closest thing to soulmates in the whole universe and also just what happens if you hang out with someone for 60+ years straight. professional haters. so no but also nanny literally fed granny an aphrodisiac pudding once and granny refused to let it affect her out of spite soooooo whatever that means i guess

[general-fanfiction]

Hopes And Fears. (Wally Clark x Reader)

Summary: Y/N’s death is traumatic. So traumatic in fact, she can’t even look at Wally without reliving what happened to her.

Word Count: 3,073

Gif Not Mine. Requests are open!

Warnings: Violence, Swear Words, Hints Of Rape?

I’m not too sure how I feel about this to be honest but it’s my first fic since coming back and I would love to write for Wally more so please send requests! I might continue with this if people like it, I’m not sure yet though.

“Homecoming game tonight. Are you nervous?”

Closing my locker, I look to my left to see Abby, my best friend since elementary school. We’re inseparable. People find it odd that we look like we are complete opposites and yet we are the platonic loves of each other's lives. She’s a very loud and extroverted theater kid, I’m quiet, shy and introverted. Though in a weird turn of events, I became head cheerleader. Kind of ironic right?

“I’m not too worried. We’ve been rehearsing everyday, sometimes twice a day. I think we might actually have our best routine yet, I just hope we can pull it off.”

“You’ll be great, you always are. Besides I heard Spencer is going to ask you to be his date for homecoming.”

Abby’s words catch me off guard. Spencer is the Split River High quarterback. While typically the head cheerleader and quarterback are perfect for each other, I’m way below his level that the thought of us being together is ridiculous. I couldn’t even imagine it, that’s how ludicrous the idea of us is. Not that I would complain, Spencer is model level attractive, an academic genius and of course, insanely popular. Any girl would die to be his homecoming date. Me included.

“Don’t be stupid.” The blush on my cheeks is a vibrant red as I speak, leaning against my locker with my books clenched against my chest.

“I’m being serious. Some of the other football guys were talking about it in study hall. Apparently he’s got some sort of big surprise planned.”

Her grin is wide, clearly happy for me, though I can’t match it. I still don’t believe it, that sort of thing does not happen to girls like me. Guys aren’t interested in girls like me. That’s just the way high school works, maybe I’ll blossom when I head off to college at the end of this year but for now, guys keep their distance. My mom always told me that high school guys like girls that are easy and that because I know my worth, guys don’t even attempt it. I’ve always hated that idea though. If nothing else but for the slightly sexist and anti-feminist ideals that it pushes.

“Not to alarm you Y/N but he’s walking down the hallway.” Abby tells me, grabbing my forearm tightly, obviously excited. “I think he’s headed this way so that’s my cue. Have fun, text me all the details!”

With that she scurries away, flashing me a cheesy smile over her shoulder as she speeds down the hallway. Almost bumping into several other students as she does so. I laugh slightly, always entertained by her antics before hearing the metal of the locker next to me clang at the sound of somebody leaning against it.

“Mind if I steal you for a second Y/N?”

Spencer’s voice is charming and smooth, a relaxed smirk on his face as he stares down at me. His eyes are intoxicating and I feel as though I’m drowning in them. There’s no way Abby could be right. God, if she is I’ll never hear the end of it. Maybe I could live with that though, especially if it does result in Spencer potentially being my boyfriend.

“Sure, yeah, okay.”

Spencer’s smirk grows wider, and as he leans in to take my hand in his, I catch a whiff of his cologne. A dark musk that matches the darkness of his eyes and hair perfectly, it takes everything in me not to collapse right then and there. My senses are completely heightened and I can feel the roughness of his hand against my palm. The butterflies in my stomach make me feel as though I’m about to explode from my nerves and before I know it we’ve made our way to the old block of showers that were closed in 2004, following an incident involving an inappropriate relationship between a student and gym coach. New showers were remodeled and these were left to decay.

Spencer takes my books out of my hands, placing them on the bench that sits in the center of the room before turning to face me. His hand gently cups my cheek and although his smile is soft and loving. His eyes hold a mischievous glint. Without saying anything he leans down to kiss me, unprepared and a little shocked I step backwards.

“I didn’t know you wanted to kiss me. I didn’t even know you liked me.” I tell him, shuffling backwards again as he continues to approach me.

“Everybody likes you. I’ve just been wanting to save this for a special occasion, and what better time than homecoming?”

With my back pressed against the wall, a soft smile forms on my face as he cages me in. Though it doesn’t feel threatening, it feels new and exciting and my insides are on fire waiting to see what happens. I feel as though I finally understand what the cringey teen movies are talking about when they discuss sex and love and passion.

“I really like you Spencer.” I whisper, voice barely audible, gazing up at him through my lashes.

He laughs, pushing his hair out of his face before leaning down once again. This time his lips do touch mine and it’s nothing like I imagined. He’s rough, hands moving down to grab my breasts , almost painfully. The softness from before clearly disappeared. As much as it is a dream come true to be making out with the guy of my dreams, I’m still disappointed that this is how my first kiss turned out. His tongue forces its way into my mouth and its uncomfortable, I know this isn’t how it is supposed to go. As I try to pull away, to allow myself some air, his hand grips my throat, holding me in place. Continuing his almost aggressive movements.

“Yo Spence, did you get the bitch?”

Finally, he pulls away. I manage to take in some air despite his hand still wrapped around my neck. He’s looking over his shoulder, nodding his head. The rest of the football team stands in the doorway, menacing looks on their faces as they see me in such a vulnerable position. I hear the click of the door lock, and the butterflies in my stomach don’t feel so good anymore. The energy in the room shifts to one of darkness and evil, no trace of kindness and love.

Spencer looks at me, and for the first time in my life, I fear for my safety. This is not the same guy that I was obsessed with. There is no sign of human emotion on his face, no sympathy or pity. Gripping his hand to try and pry it away from my throat, I feel the tears begin to prick in the corners of my eyes and upon seeing my reaction, he smiles. My pain is his pleasure. Despite my attempts at removing his hand, his grip only gets tighter and I’m pushed further against the wall.

“Let’s have some fun boys.”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A dull ache radiates through my body, pushing through the pain, I force myself to stand up. Staring at the room around me, I wonder if I was dreaming. However, with no sign of my books on the bench, I take that as confirmation that what I experienced did truly happen. Blood splatters the walls and floor but with no sign of injury on my body, I refuse to believe it’s mine. Sure, what happened was bad, but not that bad.

Not wanting to stay in this room any longer, I quickly make my way to the exit, pushing open the door with more force than necessary causing it to slam against the outside wall. Making the shy looking boy who happens to be standing outside jump. I smile apologetically, about to make my way past him when I notice what he’s wearing. Clad in double denim with round glasses, he looks straight out of Friends.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to come in because I thought you might feel kind of exposed but I wanted to introduce myself.” He says quietly, holding out his hand for me to shake. “I’m Charlie.”

Shifting my gaze between his hand and his face, my mind can’t really comprehend what is happening. Why am I suddenly meeting someone new? By the old shower block of all places, especially after what has just happened to me. The confusion on my face must be obvious as he smiles before revoking his hand.

“You haven’t worked it out yet have you?” He asks, almost as though he doesn’t want to push me.

“You’re dead, cherry pop.”

Looking to my right, I spot a girl sat against the wall, blue lollipop between her lips that has stained them ever so slightly. Wearing a black turtleneck with a matching cap and pinstripe pants, she’s the kind of girl that would intimidate me had I seen her walking down the street. Who am I kidding? She still intimidates me.

“Rhonda, Mr Martin told us to be gentle with her!”

“I’m sorry, I actually have somewhere to be but you two look great.” I tell them, beginning to walk away and head towards the main school building.

“Did you not hear me? You’re dead, you don’t have anywhere to be.” The girl, I’m assuming Rhonda, shouts after me, causing me to stop in my tracks.

“Look I don’t know what sort of joke this is, but it’s not funny. Seriously, go find some other kid to pick on.”

As I walk into the school building, I begin my mission of searching for Abby, hoping I can find her in the auditorium or even the costume department. My search doesn’t take too long, as my assumptions proved correct. She is sitting on the stage, the theater club’s newest script in one hand and her phone in the other. Our text thread open on her screen, as I sit myself beside her, she doesn’t even acknowledge me, eyes flicking between her phone and the script.

“Abby, I need to tell you something but you have to swear you will not tell anyone.”

She completely ignores me, flipping the page of her script. Its as if I’m invisible to her, a joke that isn’t funny. Waving my hand in front of her face in an attempt to get her attention also proves futile as she doesn’t even look up. Glancing at her phone I notice she’s messaged me multiple times asking me of my whereabouts, telling me she’s seen Spencer but she didn’t see me with him, asking me if I am his homecoming date.

“Abby, seriously? This is important, your show can wait.”

“She can’t hear you.” Charlie says, him and Rhonda standing in front of me, arms resting on the edge of the stage. “Or see you, we’re invisible to them. Nothing you do is going to change that.”

“I don’t get it, why isn’t she answering me?” I ask, panic starting to set it as I grow more and more confused at my situation.

“Oh my god, do I really have to tell you again? Are you that fucking stupid? You’re dead. D-E-A-D. Deceased. Not living.” Rhonda speaks slowly, using a voice you would use for a child.

“I can’t be dead. There’s no way, it’s just not possible.”

“Yeah it takes some getting used to, but we’re all friends and you’ll come to terms with it soon enough. Mr Martin’s support group helps too.” Charlie tells me, smiling encouragingly as I watch Abby walk away with some of the other theater kids.

“Support group?” I ask, hopping off the stage to stand with the only two people that can see me.

“Come on, we’ll take you.” Rhonda states, almost as if it's more of a chore and not like she offered to take me.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sitting in a circle with the rest of the group, I can’t help my heart racing as I spot the football player sitting amongst everyone. He reminds me of Spencer and that’s what makes me nervous, or maybe it’s just the fact that he plays football. Either way I can’t help but feel on edge, hence why I placed myself in the furthest seat from him.

As I take in the rest of the room, I notice the basketball team playing further down the court. Not aware of the existence of the group of ghosts sat in a circle like they’re in an AA meeting. It feels so surreal, almost like an intricate nightmare that I will wake up from at any moment. Yet everything I’ve seen so far has been pretty real.

“We have a new student, would you like to introduce yourself?” The only teacher, who I am guessing is Mr Martin asks, as I feel all eyes divert their attention towards me.

The football player has a gentle aura around him, smiling at me as he waits for an answer to Mr Martin’s question. I look away quickly, unable to face the feelings of sickness in my stomach that I get when I look at him.

“I’m Y/N.”

The group mumbles a chorus of welcomes as I stare at the floor, still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I am actually dead.

“It’s hard at first, but I’m grateful that you decided to give the group a shot. It helps us all to move forward instead of focusing on our deaths and the past.” Mr Martin tells me, offering a look of sympathy. “Charlie, Rhonda, thank you for being Y/N’s guide, I’m sure it was very helpful.”

“So how did you die? In the old showers clearly, but that’s gotta be an interesting story right?” Rhonda asks, her eyes piercing into me as she places the lollipop back between her lips.

“Rhonda, you can’t just ask people that. Let her get used to us at least.”

His voice startles me, it’s as gentle as his aura. Soft and ever so charming. The protection in his tone is obvious as though he doesn’t wanna frighten me away and I glance at him for a moment. His football shirt sits perfectly against his toned chest and a gold chain hangs delicately from his neck. He’s beautiful. Truly beautiful.

“I’m Wally by the way, Wally Clark.” His voice is directed at me, staring at me intently.

At that moment, I can’t help but be transported back to before. Remembering my screams and pleads for them to stop. Praying someone would hear me and come to my rescue. They never did. They never stopped.

Jumping up from my chair, I feel myself getting worked up as I sprint out of the room. Terrified of reliving the past. Finding myself in an abandoned hallway, I slide against the wall until I’m sitting on the cold linoleum floor. Staring at the lockers as I try to calm my breathing.

“Hey, hey, are you okay?” Charlie asks, crouching in front of me with a concerned expression on his face. “Wally’s shitting himself thinking he did something wrong. I told him to hang back while I spoke to you.”

I let the tears fall down my face as I stare up at Charlie, feeling guilty that I’ve potentially upset an innocent boy because of my own trauma. I can’t go back to the group, I know I can’t. It would be in the best interests of every other ghost if I do my best to simply avoid Wally. That way nobody gets hurt.

“I’m sorry Charlie. I can’t do it, I can’t go back to the group. I can’t see him in that fucking uniform. I just can’t, I’m sorry.” My sobs are uncontrollable and I feel bad even just for putting Charlie through this when he’s known me for all of two hours.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. Is it the uniform, we can get him to change I’m sure, I know it’s not the best look but it is all he had since he died in his shoulder pads and all.”

I can’t help but let out a small laugh, wiping the tears from my face with the sleeves of my jumper. Charlie offers me his hand to help me stand up which I take graciously. He places a hand on my shoulder as a sign of encouragement, along with a gentle smile.

“I mean it Charlie. I can’t go back to the group. I don’t want to relive the memories.”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“She’s adamant she’s not coming back.” Charlie tells the group, all of them awaiting the answers he has for them as to why the new girl ran away. “I don’t think it’s anything personal Wally but she said she can’t see you in that uniform and I think she may have had something happen regarding the football players. I don't wanna speculate though.”

“So, what? Her footballer boyfriend cheated on her and now she can’t look at poor, innocent Wally because it reminds her of him?” Rhonda asks, unimpressed by the lack of answers Charlie has.

“No, I think it’s something more than that. Something deeper. I’m sure she’ll tell us when she’s ready but for now, I would stop wearing the uniform Wally.”

The footballer didn’t need to be told twice, he instantly pulls the shirt over his head leaving him in only a tight, white tank top. Charlie smiles in appreciation, while Rhonda scoffs slightly upon seeing his muscular arms.

“Okay, so I’ve ditched the uniform, should I apologize or what?” Wally asks, looking at the group to gauge their reactions.

“Maybe now isn’t a good time Wally.” Mr Martin states, trying to think rationally. “I’d give it a day or so.”

“Or maybe just leave her alone for a while. Let her come out of her shell a bit first.” Charlie interjects.

“Yeah, let's not hurt cherry pop’s feelings.” Rhonda replies sarcastically, staring directly at Charlie.

As the rest of the group session continues, Wally stays silent, playing with the football uniform in his hands as he attempts to figure out different ways to apologize. To help her feel more at home in her new life, and potentially help her overcome the trauma of her death. Despite not managing to come up with a good idea, he does decide one thing. He will do whatever it takes to make her feel safe and become her friend.

[megumiswife4]

More than just friends - Kento Nanami

Summary: You and Nanami had a great friendship, although he new you were looking for a companion who could make losing your virginity worth while; but would having him as your first be a great idea or would it ruin your guys friendship?

CW: 18+ only, Smut, fingering, slight masturbation, foreplay, penetrative sex.

WC: 4.5k

*ART WORK DOES NOT BELONG TO ME*

Being a virgin all throughout your young teenage years and into young adulthood having not yet been touched by a man. They say it's easy to be a woman, she can pick and choose who she would ideally sleep with; but in reality it was the opposite. It was even hard for you to find that one partner who could make something so intimate truly special. That’s when you met one man… Kento Nanami. One random evening at your favorite local coffee & bakery shop, it sure was a strange occurrence but needless to say it might’ve been one of the best encounters in a lifetime.

You've become such close friends with him that he even knew your deepest darkest secrets. Women around you knew who he was and were envious of the friendship you had with one another. Nanami could sense the jealousy and envy of the other women but paid no mind, you were the first woman to only feel platonically towards him and he respected that and your friendship with him. Nonetheless you both would spend day and night with one another, he would even offer to stay the night or have you stay in his penthouse at times due to you feeling a bit worried about being alone in your apartment. Nanami would often hear your scary encounters with perverted and disturbing men following you back home after a night out with friends, grocery shopping, or even just a late night walk. He was always by your side, regardless of what others had to say about the friendship.

Every week Nanami would meet up for your morning coffee date hearing the endless amounts of terrible Tinder dates; in hopes of coming across a man who would actually take you seriously, let alone sleep with you. Every single one of those men had proved you right and were just not a fit to what you were looking for in a one night stand or a potential partner. You wanted a man not a boy, especially at your bedside, one who will learn how to caress you just right, one who would treat you like a woman and not an object to smash and dash on the spot, and who will take pride in aftercare. As it being your first ever experience with a man you wanted it to be absolutely spectacular and once in a lifetime experience, but you’re just too afraid to pick the wrong man to do it with.

“Y/n you understand that these are all the wrong men right? I mean you’re on a dating app that mostly specifies for hookups that usually ends terribly.”

“Well yes, although that is what I’m looking for, I need a partner that will take sleeping with one another serious and treat me as a woman not just a quick fuck.” You scoffed in irritation.

Nanami let out a miniscule laugh, “Well it is safe to say, you haven't wasted that opportunity on a questionable man especially from Tinder.”

This topic had been ongoing for quite some time, you both knew one another well enough to talk about such things it almost seemed as if you two were dating at this point, and if it wasnt that then they would have already assumed you both would have been sleeping with each other.

“You know Nanami, you’re the only sensible man in this world who actually understands a woman and her desires.” Sipping your cup of coffee.

He leans back, one arm on the armrest, both legs crossed as he is holding his drink. “ To be honest with you, I am not one to share my personal experiences but because we are now close enough to disclose these kinds of things. I may or may not have some encounters with women myself.”

“Oh? Is that so Mr. Kento? So I'm sure you’re quite the ladies man then.” You playfully state.

“You’re not taking me seriously are you?”

“Well to be honest with you no I’m not, I mean you never even tell me how these dates even go?” You giggled.

You and Nanami began to hear a buzzing sound coming from the table, both of you checking your phones only to realize it was his, “It's a business call.” Standing up from the chair he paced back and forth speaking eloquently serious. The call soon ended as he made his way back to your table.

“I have a business meeting right now, would you mind having dinner tonight at my place? I’ll come by to pick you up after I’m off, be sure to have an overnight bag packed too.”

As he zoomed off, you were left with just yourself and your coffee.

—

It's now 5 P.M. and you’re wondering if he's off, constantly checking your stove top clock. An uncontrollably loud buzzing sound began, reaching for your phone. It appeared to be Nanami.

“I’m right outside your door, did you have your things packed like I asked you to?”

“Yes, all that was taken care of, I’ll be right out.”

Quickly opening the door, there stood Nanami towering over you. He was in his blue button up, a pair of beige dress pants, a brown belt and lastly a nice accent to the outfit; was his yellow tie that had black splattered detail. You held your bags ready to head out the door proceeding to walk ahead, you felt something similar to a brick wall hit your face.

“Who said you’d be carrying your own bags?” Nanami stated with an arched eyebrow.

You growled in annoyance, “It’s okay for me to do things by myself without help you know?”

Without hesitation he grasped hold of the bags before you could even pass through the door entirely.

“Thank you for trying, but I got it from here.” He clamored carrying your bags without a sign of struggle, if it was you, you might've made a fool out of yourself with your items at hand.

You followed his lead, locking the door behind you. He gracefully opened his passenger door wide open for you to enter the vehicle, as Nanami made his way around to the driver side after placing your luggage in the trunk; your view of him was nothing but his strong torso, and his muscular arm with his hand around the gear stick. Looking away as you catch yourself from the awe of his mere presence.

Both of you arrived at his penthouse, as he assembled your overnight bags in his room. You began to walk around curiously as if you haven’t been there more than a million times before, yet each and every time you still find it remarkable at how beautiful his sky view is from the main living room windows. Staring into the distance hearing a deep voice from behind startles you.

“It’s interesting enough that you always take a liking to that spot in particular, every time you visit me.” Nanami chuckles, removing his reading glasses placed onto the countertop.

“Back home I don't get such a beautiful view like this. Why wouldn’t I want to see this view everyday for the rest of my life?” You smiled, turning to face Nanami.

“Well If you still want to take that offer up, you’re more than welcome to end your lease at your apartment and live here with me. I have that spare room.” He stated.

“You know I can’t do that, I don’t want to feel like such a burden living in your place I…”

“You’re not a burden, I think we’ve established a great relationship and enough to know that we both feel comfortable with one another. Regardless I respect your decision, and if you decide to change your mind you know where to reach me y/n.”

Nanami’s kitchen consisted of a barstool area in the center. He offered to make a nice dinner for the both of you as you had offered the last time you spent an evening with one another. It was a beautifully medium rare steak with a buttered rosemary glaze over it, a dollop of garlic mashed potatoes as a side and sautéed asparagus as the second and final side. Your eyes widened seeing how gorgeous this entree came out, ready to stuff your face with such a delicious looking meal.

“Oh my god, this looks phenomenal Mr. Kento!” Teasing him but appreciative of his skills in the kitchen.

“I’ll only take your compliment if you finish your entire plate of food, I know you haven’t eaten all day since I’ve been at the office.” His face plastered with a serious look.

“Okay officer, my apologies.” You said sarcastically, raising both hands up signaling a truce. He couldn’t help but chuckle, hovering his fingers over his mouth. Knowing how you were, you were always getting a kick out of Nanami with your sarcasm and jokes. He never knew such a woman with a non-serious demeanor, always taking a liking for your sense of humor.

Nanami brought both plates to the small dining room near the kitchen, proceeding to pull a chair out for you to be seated as he slowly pushed you forward to be much closer to the table. You both sat across from one another enjoying the meal, you both talked away through the evening during dinner.

You both hadn’t realized the time it was, Nanami had a movie in mind for you both to watch until it was time for bed.

“Would you still like to watch a movie? It’s always our tradition to do so. But if you’re exhausted I understand.” He clamored.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I want to miss a great cinematic experience with you? Should I get the popcorn started? Possibly a nice shot of whiskey on ice for you?” You pointed at him with a finger gun hand gesture.

Nanami couldn’t help but chuckle and nod in approval, you knew him too well. Ever since you both grew closer to one another, it progressed into both of you being able to stay at one another’s homes, endless dinner nights, to coffee dates, and lastly even for minuscule shopping dates whenever he needed a new suit for work; you were always beside him.

Nanami always had special items placed for you around his penthouse. His guest bathroom included a space with hygienic items, from specific hair and facial care items to your own special soaps; he had bought out of his own curious observation from your apartment back home. He was a detailed man, he truly was enticed at your choice of products and he took initiative to be attentive without your knowledge of what you favored and didn’t. Some days you’d prefer to sleep in your guest room and other days you’d crash in his, but of course it was normal you both were close it didn’t seem abnormal for this kind of encounter. People from the outside would have thought you both were in a romantic relationship but that was far from the truth or is it really?

Both you and Nanami plop onto his modular couch, grabbing a hold of your favorite soft plush blanket over yourself. He switched the channel onto a streaming service to get to the film you both were anticipating to watch. Nanami had great taste for each type of genre for a cinematic film, and tonight was a romance/drama movie. Surprisingly he had a niche for romance drama films but rather he was discrete about it.

As time had passed you both were on your third film, one scene in particular appeared where the main character she was struggling to find a perfect guy to have her first time with, it landed between her and her best guy friend; of course it lead to confessing their built up feelings for one another and one thing led to another and the next scene included them having an intimate moment.

You began to wonder, if having your virginity taken away by your close friend who happens to be a guy is a good idea? As your mind wandered in thoughts of Nanami being a potential sleeping partner, it was so wrong but yet it felt so right in your heart and mind. You both understand each other to another extent that no one else would get, and here you are having none other than possible sexual thoughts of this man caressing your naked flesh on his bed.

Immediately your train of thought was disrupted by none other than Nanami. “Y/n are you feeling alright?” He calmly questioned.

“Y-Yes I’m okay.” You laughed nervously. You adjusted yourself sitting much closer to him; noticing the remote lying on his leg you proceed to grab it and pausing the film right in the middle of a steamy intimate session.

“Ugh! I mean how amazing could it possibly be having your virginity lost to your friend of the opposite sex?” You claimed, rolling your eyes laughing.

“I don’t believe it would be all that bad, generally it could be a good thing just because you both entrust each other and already have a great relationship at hand.”

He had a good point, the bond is already there between two friends, the feelings and tension however isn’t as close to the surface as you would think it would. You curled your legs up from the couch, leaning on your side to face him as a single arm was placed on top of the couch as you nervously looked up at him.

He questioned, “What’s wrong?”

“Can I ask you something?” You mumbled, as he nodded for you to proceed.

“This might be a weird request but… as you know I’m still a virgin.” Lowering your head in embarrassment.

“And… actually just forget I even ask-”

“So what you’re asking of me is if I could be your first time?”

Your cheeks flushed with a shade of red, bright as a cherry. You couldn’t hold back from feeling such shame, for asking such a thing but you knew he could be your best encounter for your first time.

“As long as you are completely on board with the idea, I’ll agree to make your first time as comfortable as possible for you.”

You nodded your head in agreement in hopes that this was a good decision on your behalf.

Not long after the awkward silence you immediately felt his large hand press against your lower back, and the other on your shoulder leaning you down on the couch he was now hovering over your innocent body.

“Is this okay with you?” He questioned making sure you were okay and consented with his actions.

“Y-Yes that’s alright with me.”

You felt your heart beating fast, was it loud enough for him to hear it too? The only light that luminated throughout the living room was the tv screen, nothing else. Nanami continued to loosen his tie as he was still hovering over your body, but nothing stuck out more than those large muscular biceps. Without a single thought your hand traveled up his arm copping a feel, all this time you only ever admired his muscular build from afar but this time you couldn’t help yourself but to touch him up.

“You know I never thought I would be able to finally touch your muscular arms.” You shyly chuckled.

He couldn't help but give a small smile, “Oh, is that why I would catch a glimpse of you admiring me almost every single time we would spend time together?”

Embarrassed, you propped both hands to cover your face to prevent him from seeing you smile. He knew your tactics when you became shy, it was clear that both of you might have unresolved feelings that began to surface.

Nanami took both of your hands gently pushing them aside as he leaned in closer to your face, softly brushing your cheek.

“May I?”

You nodded, “Anything you do from here on out is okay with me Nanami.”

His lips inched closer to yours as he kissed you so softly, your hands wrapping around his neck pulling him in closer for more. His lips slowly tugged onto your lower lip, they traveled below your chin and made their way to your neck. Nothing else could have ever prepared you for that feeling that you craved more of Nanami.

“If you don't mind, I will take this to the bedroom. It wouldn't be proper for me to have your first time on a living room couch.” He kindly chuckled, scooping you into his arms.

He entered into his bedroom as he placed you gracefully onto his cold sheets, as he began to slip his dress shoes aside his bed and unbutton his shirt a tad bit more. He motioned for you to sit at the edge of his bed upright guiding you with his hand, he leaned down to kiss your lips once again grabbing your cheek caressing it pulling you in for more. His hand finally pushed you into his bed once more as he hovered over your precious body, his hands grazing over your neck down to your chest, his fingers unbuttoning your white button up as your bra and torso now exposed. His lips met between your breasts leaving wet soft kisses everywhere, your whimpers enticed him more to make the crevice between your legs ready for entry.

“P-Please N-Nanami…” You moan as you begin to move your hips, turned on by his mere presence and foreplay you tried to remove the excess clothing on your body. You wanted him more and more, your hands traveling to your breast as you cupped it in one hand as the other was trying to remove your bottoms as it exposed the hemming of your thong.

“Let me take care of you y/n, you shouldn't have to worry about anything when I am here. It is my job to pleasure you the best that I can.”

Nanami slowly removed your shirt and bottoms exposing just your undergarment and bra now, you leaned upward unbuttoning his shirt helping him remove it, as it was your time to return the favor of exposing his body. Your breathing becomes heavy as time goes on, your heart beats faster and your pussy feels wetter. Your hands grazing his chest as you bring your face closer to it leaving miniscule wet kisses making your way up to his neck.

He brought you closer to his chest as he began to unhook the bra strap as it fell gracefully, your nipples were hardened and exposed he laid you back down into the cold sheets as he kissed the crevice between both breasts as his hand softly squeezed it. It soon traveled down your stomach, hips and finally your inner thigh, he softly rubbed the outer opening of your pussy making it throb; you pressed against his hand knowing you were craving more. Nanami continued to place kisses all over your body, he traveled down leaving soft kisses on your hips down to your inner thigh. Licking your thighs kissing them as he gently rubbed his hands on your leg, squeezing your hips as if he wanted you all to himself.

“Just relax princess, everything will be alright.”

He began to come back up for more kisses, his fingers pressing into the entrance of your pussy lightly rubbing it as you began to moan. Biting your lower lip as both of your eyes met, bringing your hand up to his cheek then quickly pulling him in for a kiss. Your tongue making an entrance as he tried to match your consistency, he noticed the lips in between your legs grew wetter after each rub. Nanami smiled in between each wet kiss you both engaged in, retracting disengaged your lips from his you couldn't help but gravitated your attention to the bulge pressing against his beige dress pants.

“Take them off for me.” You moaned, biting your lip.

He gently removed his bottoms and undergarments exposing his hard-on. Reaching your hand to grab it, Nanami groaned at the touch of your hand around his cock. As you began to slowly motion it up and down you felt it harden with each stroke you gave him.

“Mmm” his deep groan was so sensual you were ready to take him on. He adjusted your body to make you feel as comfortable as possible on his bed.

“I’m ready, I need you inside me p-please” you yearned, your face flushed red as your eyes glistening and your desirable whimpers, Nanami’s cock and heart were throbbing at the thought of being inside you. Afterall you were a beautiful woman inside and out he enjoyed your friendship with him but he would have never thought that you both would be uncovering a deep desire for one another in his own bed.

“Are you sure?”

“Y-Yes I’m ready for you.”

“As you wish, just know I’m taking it easy on you if you don’t like something just tell me darling.” Rubbing his finger against your cheek, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead making you feel at ease.

Your body relaxed, Nanami began to slowly spread your legs apart as he slightly spit into his hand and began to massage his cock preparing it for entry.

“Keep your beautiful eyes on me princess, I’ll guide us the whole way.”

“Okay.” You nervously said, grabbing his shoulders.

He slowly began to make his way inside your wet throbbing pussy, you felt immense pressure against your inside walls feeling euphoric but so good. Letting out a loud moan, pulling Nanami in your arms as you wrapped around his large back, lightly digging your nails into it at every thrust his hips made into you. Nothing but groaning and whimpers filled the entire bedroom, with every kiss he gave, your moans traveled its way out of your mouth. Your hands moved up running through his hair as you craved him more and more, he took hold of your wrists and pinning them alongside your shoulders. Your anticipation grew more with each withdrawal and re-entrance of his cock.

“Go…f…faster Nanami”

“Of course beautiful.” Brushing your strands of hair to the side.

As his cock kept at a minimum pace, he engaged much more, thrusting faster and faster. Your breasts began to move erratically with every entrance he was consumed by your beauty and the way you were just submissive to him letting him take the lead.

“Goddamn” Nanami groaned, cupping a single breast leaning over to lick and softly suck on your nipples. Sweat dripping from his forehead, his hair was no longer fixed up as it was now drooping over his face. You thought to yourself, he looked so captivating it was a new look that was never seen before. He was always having his hair fixed away from his face but it was different this time… you loved it.

His pace had slowed down as he grew a bit tiresome of how his speed increased at such a fast rate. Retrieving his soaked cock from your luscious folds, he took his time penetrating that precious pussy of yours. Nanami entered inside of you slowly as you whimpered and continued to slowly withdraw it back out feeling pressure from his long hard cock filling your lower abdomen. Nanami never failed to make you feel reassured and appreciated, someone he took his time with; rubbing his thumb across your cheek leaning in for passionate tongue kissing and never ending compliments that valued you as the woman you are.

“You’re doing so good.”

“You look as beautiful as ever.”

“I can’t take my eyes off you, you’re so captivating.”

“I love being inside of you, I can’t stop fucking you.”

You wanted him more and more just as much as he craved you, you grazed your hands over his abdomen and chest planting small wet kisses, guiding him to now be underneath you as you wanted to be on top. Your legs spread apart each one on either side of nanami’s waist, you pulled his hands touching your breasts to squeeze them and leaned down for him to massage and suck your nipples. Your hands touching every crevice of his muscles from his biceps, chest, and his abdomen, your tongue traveling all over it making its way to his neck and back to his lips. Your hips began to grind against his large shaft as your juices began to cover all over it, this wasn’t over. He slowly planted you accordingly on him as he brought his hand over his cock adjusting for re-entry as you grinded one last time you felt a shiver run through your entire body. Cupping your breasts in the palm of your hands as you lean your head back moaning, you proceed to lean forward and backward movements for Nanami’s cock to slide in and out. It was smooth and felt good.

“That’s it princess, keep doing that.”

Nanami couldn’t get enough of you, he needed more. He wrapped his arms underneath yours to reach your shoulders pulling you in quickly as his pace began to fasten, he was now taking over as his cock penetrated you. His hips thrusting up and down as one of his arms reached down to feel your ass, then traveling back up running his fingers through your hair. Instantly he withdrew his cock, as he grabbed you pulling you underneath him, he promised he’d be the one to please you and do his job diligently to make your first time the best experience and the only man to make you cum. For one last time putting you in missionary, and before you both finished he slowly thrusted his cock inside of you increasing his rate of speed more than usual that you both were panting and whimpering, one hand playing with your hair as he moved it downward to rub your rosy red cheek, he chuckled knowing even at your most vulnerable and being aroused you still were indefinitely a beautiful and charismatic woman in the flesh and fully clothed. That same hand reached up to his mouth as he licked it applying a generous amount of saliva, finally reaching his fingers down to your clit as he massaged it stimulating your nerves as he continued to thrust his wet cock fully covered in your wet pussy juices.

“Keep going Nanami I feel like I’m going to cum.”

“Awe fuckkkk” he began to say, as your pussy was too good he was close to cumming with you.

Leaning your head back into his pillow moaning loud, he couldn’t get enough of how beautifully sexy it was for you to enjoy him being inside of you; being overstimulated by his wet fingers touching your clit and his wet cock covered in juices from your throbbing pussy coming in and out. One hand of Nanami’s on the headboard as the other was right beside you as he had a few more thrusts left in him, sweat was dripping from his face. Finally one big thrust as he released inside of you oozing a warm fuzzy feeling, your body shivering and covered in goosebumps from hitting your peak of the orgasm. You couldn’t help but to pull him in for one last kiss as you both breathe heavily smiling at one another.

You both laid beside one another, Nanami turned over to pull you into his tight embrace brushing your hair and holding you tightly.

“I love you…” you quietly admitted.

Nanami pulled away to take a good look at you, to your surprise he indeed returned the favor.

“I love you too, I’ve been waiting to hear that for quite some time now. I couldn’t be too sure if your feelings were the same.”

You both couldn’t help to be in one another’s embrace, your first time was unforgettable.

[narutocharacterpolls]

ROUND FOUR

ROCK LEE vs HATAKE KAKASHI

Reasons for submission under the cut

Lee

ROCK LEE VS GAARA

kind as can be; willing to jump to action to help his fellow comrades even after going through a life-threatening, major surgery

practical and fashion-forward with his bright green onesie. Function over form, and is prepared at all times by carrying around a spare onesie he will give without question to anyone - even complete strangers

has a surprising edge to him at the beginning of the series; he was ready to severely maim anybody that he saw as a genius

more dedicated than anyone. Was forced to face his own mortality and make a life-or-death decision in the name of his dream, after a literal crushing defeat, and he chose to fight for it. Inspiring

embodies the ideals of original series Naruto. True underdog, had nothing going for him, came from nothing with no legacy or powers, was so disadvantaged that he physically could not meet the bare minimum abilities of his peers. But he worked harder than everyone else and proved that he can be a great shinobi despite all the adversity he faced

Sasuke had to copy Lee’s moves with his Sharingan to succeed during Chuunin exams

cute as a button. Come on.

his fans are dedicated and make amazing work, fanart and fanfic

Kishimoto said he was his favorite character to draw. Boom. Favoritism. Love to see it.

pairs well with everyone. Platonic or romantic, Lee has a great dynamic with other characters

his summer outfit from Guardian of the Crescent Moon Kingdom was the best outfit in the movie

gave us Metal Lee! Blessed us with Metal Lee, really

was the character to beat in the early series if you wanted to show how strong you actually are

Gaara vs Rock Lee was one of the most iconic fights in the series, and everyone remembers where they were when they first saw Lee drop his weights. He owned that fight so hard that people forget he lost.

was wronged by the series. He deserves to win as justice.

got [submitter] personally through the worst times; his ability to persevere face of adversity convinced me I could do it too. He wasn’t special and neither was [submitter], but we didn’t need to be. We can make ourselves great. If no one else got me, Rock Lee’s got me

he’s one of the first non-jutsu using ninja so make such a big impact

was the first person to actually harm Gaara

played a huge part in Gaara becoming a better person

he’s one of the only people that can catch up to Sasuke and easily rivals Naruto in Taijutsu

his kind, determined and cheerful attitude is a joy to watch

Rock Lee removing his weights is easily one of the most iconic moments in the entire anime

has helped several submitters feel better by simply thinking about how he wouldn’t want them to think like that

objectively would’ve made a better protagonist based on the themes alone

KICKS MAJOR ASS

wrecked Sasukes shit, I like Sasuke but that was really funny

he looks like a frog. Who doesn’t like frogs

inspired Sasuke

fights are always entertaining, they’re very well choreographed

he forgave Gaara for nearly killing him and nearly ending his dreams; he was never even mad at him

Rock Lee vs Sasuke was iconic

his heart is so full of love

never did anything wrong

had a squirrel befriend him

hard worker

good friend

rises to any challenge

when he does diss people they are the most brutal yet entertaining disses you ever hear

positive, weirdo, energetic, enthusiastic, joyful, chivalrous, motivated, dedicated, sweet

Lee and Neji had something homosexual going on

YOUTH !!!!

Kakashi

relatable as an adult

he is just an overworked guy who was told to watch some kids w LOTS of issues

needs therapy

good presence and guidance in Narutos life

interesting

cares about and is dedicated to his students very much

he is just cool

he is trying his best despite what he has been through in the past

is up for having fun but still knows when to be serious

was a narcissistic shit but grew out of it

has good intentions

sexy

wonderfully complex and well developed character

incredibly resilient and supportive

a sad and deeply broken man

always willing to give his life to protect them and his other precious people

just wanted everything to be ok for once in his life

hated Danzo

his friendship with Gai is adorable

the way he teases Tenzo is fun

he’s known as cool and aloof but in reality he’s a huge dork

Gai would want him to win

[experimentfae]

Requesting a lute x reader whos a fellow exorcist with slight reservations about the exterminations. Lute encourages them and reader gives into her “virtuous” ideals

Lute x Exorcist Reader

Oneshot / platonic

⋆⭒˚｡⋆♱𓆩♡𓆪♱⋆⭒˚｡⋆

When you have been created you, you felt like kid inside a adults woman’s body it’s felt nice to see the other exterminator cheer to see a new sister join the team feeling the emotional warmth of the others made you feel welcomed. The first thing you learned that your creator is Adam the fist man, I guess he seemed to nice to you and the others even when he does questionable things.

You had to eventually learn what you were created for you felt uneasy by the revelation. “I’m supposed to kill?” You asked unsure “yes kill sinners, I know you were born this week but come on sweetheart pick up the pace.” Stated Adam.

“Yes sorry sir.” “There ya go baby steps, alright lute I need you to give her the exterminator talk or whatever, give her all the details.” Adam left without another word which left you and lute. “Alright newbie this how it is, you kill any exterminator no matter if it’s a man, woman or child as long is a demon you kill it.” “Wait an even a child.” That last part stuck to you.

“Yeah and do it we don’t want another vaggie incident, I feel great potential from you.” This made you felt special “really.” She smiled “of course I can see you being a great warrior of course practice is needed.”

You nodded your head “you’re right I should practice.” She smiled as she let you go the sword fighting room to practice.

It’s been a month now and you practice with other exterminators and lute herself, other helped you practice basic fighting skills lute really helped the most she taught you tips and tricks on how to kill a sinner sooner.

Despite you practicing and bonding with the others you still didn’t entirely feel comfortable with extermination just imaging the blood over you made you feel nauseous didn’t help that any angel friends you made you couldn’t tell them about due to sera wanting to keep that exterminator’s kill sinners under the rug. Made you feel that you and other exterminations were doing something you weren’t supposed to.

“I don’t know lute are you sure we are doing the right thing?” “For last time (y/n), angels never make mistakes that means what we are doing isnt wrong it’s necessary.” She answers very confident in her opinion “but why do we hide then?” You questioned further “because (y/n) angels are too sensitive They can’t even handle the idea of crushing a bug by accident.”

“Huh, I guess that makes sense.” “Of course it’s correct and that why we come in to protect heaven and the angels within it.” This confused you “protect them from the demon, but how would they be able to do that.” “(Y/n), I know you’re young so let me put this in a simpler way Demons are bloodthirsty and love destroying good things by nature they will kill any chance they get, especially towards angels due to their envy of seeing them live in paradise. So we must protect not just the angels but heaven as a whole. Now do you understand.”

You nodded your head “well if you put that way, I wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt especially the people I care about.” You agreed which made her smile “exactly I’m glad that you’re a fast learner (y/n), you remind me when I first was created I also questioned things but I learned and now I and you know what we must do to protect our home.” You nodded your head again.

“No worry lute I’ll be the best exterminator I can be!” You cheered she smiled wider proud that you were getting in line “I’m glad now continue to train.” “yes lute.” You ran to get ready to train, to try to be the best.

Adam then appeared behind lute “so you think (y/n) is ready? She smirked “yes mentally she is there but physically she will need more training but soon she will be a killing machine.” And she wasn’t wrong, you now believed that demon needed to die and deserved to die to protect you’re home, the thought of blood, demons blood a matter of fact now filled you with pride and in excitement for you’re first extermination day.

<- Back to MasterList or back to Hazbin Hotel

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part 53)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Age-Gap, Triggers, Smut

Over the next few days, this was exactly what Mark did and what he found was something Sean knew would upset you greatly. 

"It looks like your girlfriend's ex is a serial cheater  and he has been for quite some time," Mark divulged, as Sean listened intently, taking in all the information with great interest. He already didn't like Cillian but this, this just confirmed it all for him.

"In early 2009, he cheated on his ex-wife with Sianna Miller, then in 2010 he hooked up with some model from Brussels when they were attending some kind of event. He also had a few flings while filming, one with Annabelle Wallis in 2014 and another with his assistant Julia. Then of course he went on with your girlfriend and knocked her up, but who's counting?

"Fuck me," Sean gasped as his face blanched at this revelation and he felt disgust building up within him. 

"Do you think she knows?" Mark  asked, looking at Sean with curiosity written all over his face.

Sean sighed heavily, "I doubt it. She's too engrossed in the whole idealized perception of this man to actually see who he really is," he told his friend impassively.

"You still want to play this game, then?" Mark taunted, grinning at his friend's reaction.

"I think so," Sean replied flatly.

"Good because I called that woman from Brussels, and she confirmed the affair," Mark said proudly, wondering how Sean could possibly break the news to you now that he had some proof.

"And what now? Am I just going to tell her about it or, -?" Sean  pondered aloud to himself before rubbing his temples with his thumb and index finger, feeling a growing sense of urgency brew within him.

Having spent hours on end gathering the information on Cillian's alleged infidelity, Sean couldn't help but feel a strong compulsion to confront you with the evidence, forcing you to make a decision regarding your future with this man.

But, at the same time, Sean also knew that his actions could potentially cause the two of you to drift apart as well. Revealing dirt on your ex would make him look bad and jealous, which was something that could be detrimental against winning you over. 

Thus, Sean spent several days mulling over the best course of action, coming up with various scenarios and schemas until, eventually, he hit upon a seemingly flawless plan.

Mark had agreed to write about it to you, anonymously, seeking your comment on these allegations before publication would take place. He knew that this would prompt you to discuss the matters with Cillian and thereby creating a conflict between the two of you just before the wedding without Sean actually having to get involved.

Sean thought that this was the best way to go about it and make you question the wisdom behind your ongoing platonic and yet conflicting relationship with Cillian.

And, of course, the plan worked when, on the Monday morning, a few days before Siobhan's wedding, you received an email with the subject line "Unverified Allegations Against Cillian Murphy - Invitation to comment" sent from a reporter at the Irish Times, from an email address you didn't recognise. 

"Dear Miss Y/LN

I am writing to invite your comment for an article that is currently being put together here at the Irish Times. The article deals with unverified allegations of extensive infidelity of the Hollywood actor, Cillian Murphy, with whom I understand the recipient of this email had an affair during 2023. 

The allegations relate to incidents reported between 2007 to 2024 respectively and whilst we have already received statements confirming these allegations from some of the other women involved, including model Alana Simmons and two others, we would also welcome and appreciate any relevant comment you would wish to make.

I look forward to receiving your reply, which we will ensure is included in its entirety in our article.

Kindest Regards

Mark Schulze

Reporter

The Irish Times"

You squinted at the screen, feeling a strange mixture of shock, anger, and confusion. What the fuck was this?

You stared at the email, your heart beating fast. You couldn't believe what you were reading. It couldn't be true, could it? He had always been adamant that you were the only one he had ever cheated on Danielle with and you wondered whether it was all a lie.

Was all that you had together a lie? Did he ever love you? Could he ever love you?

Tags:

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[everythingmp3]

𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐞

𝐓𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐨𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

you´ve been living in Jackson for a few years and things are not looking great; you are bored, lonely, and have very little to look forward to but your feeling of numbness stops all of a sudden when Tess and Joel arrive in town. you feel an intense pull towards Tess that makes it impossible for you to remain a loner.

author´s note: this is an alternative reality where Tess and Joel went to Jackson as a platonic duo with the plan to live there indefinitely. Joel has a few appearances with dialogue, him and Tess give off middle aged bestie vibes, reader is kinda depressed about her situation but nothing heavy. also this isn’t about the game, never played it, this is just what Anna’s Tess inspired in me. hope u enjoy! (part 2 can be found here)

warnings: minors dni! smut (reader receiving, fingering), there´s a slight dom/sub vibe going with Tess and reader but only if you squint, not dark at all, spit is involved briefly

word count: 9.5k

honesty was not something you could afford anymore those days. you knew that if anyone had a clue about how you really felt about your life in Jackson, you´d have been called ungrateful or worse, so you kept it to yourself but the ugly truth was that you did not feel grateful, not at all. most days you felt nothing, there was a vast emptiness inside of you and no way to fight it, no way to reach a sense of fulfillment. on paper it was an ideal situation: community based living where everyone feels responsible for everyone, decent food and fresh air, the option to spend time with animals, to take care of kids or elders, to spend evenings drinking tea or having a drink with other people your age, celebrating holidays together, peace, quiet, tranquility. 

it was all ideal in theory, but in praxis it had slowly but surely sucked the life out of you over the years. you´d grown up in a QZ in the south, which was hard in its own right, but you were used to that lifestyle: the tall buildings, the wide spaces, the anonymity, the ability to walk for miles and not reach city limits. living in a small town, a space that confined and regulated, it was wearing you down; you hated that you could never just walk outside without being recognized, without everyone knowing your name and greeting you, expecting a bright smile in return for theirs, you hated the weird cheerful vibe that hung thick in the air at all times, the odd sense of satisfaction that everyone seemed to carry with them despite living through the end of the world, the families that took up the whole town with their domestic sweetness, it all began to piss you off a few weeks into your first year there, but instead of turning cruel or mean, you decided to zone out as best as you could and just keep to yourself. you were not made for that kind of life, you yearned for more, for excitement, for big cities and anonymity and the freedom to move around amongst strangers, you wanted the thrill of something dangerous and surprising, but day in day out, you were bored and lost in your dreams of a different life. 

Jackson didn´t get new arrivals often, so the few times that the town gates opened up to strangers, everyone was highly curious; kids hoping they´d get some new friends their age, a few sleazy guys hoping that hot girls were part of the group, others who were more pragmatic about it just hoping that the newcomers were strong enough to help out with physically demanding jobs. you never really cared, they were all the same to you, but when you heard that Tommy´s brother and his friend were coming, you had to admit you were intrigued, since Tommy and Maria were two of the few people you felt comfortable around. 

you were subtle about it, keeping your distance, but you watched them being toured around town on their first day and you found yourself looking at Joel´s friend more than at him, even though you´d assumed that he was the one you´d pay attention to, considering your interest in seeing who Tommy was related to, but the moment you saw Tess she stuck out you, immediately. it was impossible to explain why, but seeing her confident walk, her stern look, the air of mystery that surrounded her, it was such a contrast to all the other women you´d come across, your whole body had a reaction the sight of Tess. the first time you heard her voice from afar, you thought oh wow. that´s a good fucking voice, the voice of a woman who doesn´t take anyone´s shit. truthfully, it kind of turned you on. 

the first few days of them settling in, it was impossible to get a chance to say hi, people swarmed them wherever they went, so it took about a week until you found yourself nursing a drink at the bar and saw that Tess was standing all alone, just looking around, so without wasting any time you got up and walked over, a little shy, but eager to see what she was like, to hear that voice up close. 

once you were a few feet away from her she locked eyes with you and gave a nod, you almost felt your cheeks flush from the eye contact and tried to act casual as you introduced yourself, followed by “so, how are you liking it here so far?” a little mischievousness in there, like you were trying to get her to admit that it wasn´t all rainbows and sunshine. 

Tess could tell what you were trying to do and it amused her but she chose the diplomatic answer, unsure whether she could trust your discretion, “oh you know. it´s a lot to adjust to after all that time in the QZ. we also had one hell of a journey here so yeah, still processing. but so far I can´t complain” you nodded, “right, you guys must´ve gone through some shit out there. I remember when we came here a few years ago, almost froze to death a few times”, she agreed “yeah it was pretty gnarly. and obviously Joel and I aren´t the youngest anymore, I think we complained about our backs hurting at least 100 hundred times a day, kind of a miracle we didn´t just kill each other honestly”, a laugh from you then.

“well, it´s better now I hope? they gave you a good house, nice beds? I´d assume Tommy saw to that”, she nodded, “oh yeah for sure, listen, after all that, anything seems like a fucking five start hotel to me, I am easy to impress in that regard”. you found yourself standing closer to her than you usually did while talking to people, looking at her with more interest, she was exactly what you´d hoped she´d be: funny, charming, but not in a way that was particularly soft or endearing, a distinct hardness was there, unwavering, and it pulled you closer, you had respect and admiration for that kind of temperament, not just that, but a deep attraction too, you couldn´t remember the last time a woman had had that effect on you. 

there wasn´t much else you could bring up or say, you kept it brief for your first encounter, “anyway, I just wanted to say hi, wish you guys a smooth moving in process and all that. we´ll see each other around I´m sure!” she nodded, something about you was charming to her, “right yes, and thank you. see you around!”. 

you set down your glas on the counter and made your way out of the bar, Tess didn´t think twice about it but an older man who had just gotten his glass of whiskey and overheard the exchange leaned closer to her, “how´d you manage to do that?”. she was confused, “how did I do what?”, the man watched as you walked out of the door, she did too, “I don´t think I´ve ever seen that girl initiate small talk with anyone, and she´s been here for a few years so, you must´ve done something right”. she was taken off guard by that, “really?”, he nodded, “yeah that one´s not a talker, keeps to herself. not that she´s rude or anything, not at all, but socializing.. yeah not her thing, she´s a lone wolf.”, the more he said, the harder it was for Tess to believe him, why would you be more inclined to talk to a random stranger who usually doesn´t seem very inviting, than some nice person who you´ve lived with for years? “okay. and what´s her deal?” she asked, intrigued, he smiled, “well, I´m not one tell people´s business. but from what I just saw, I´m pretty sure you won´t have to try hard to get that info out of her” she nodded, “right. sure. if you say so”

the man took a sip of his drink, muttering “funny girl” as he left Tess standing there, wondering what you´d seen in her that had driven you to start a conversation. next to Joel, she was often keenly aware of her lack of charm, he had no trouble fitting in with everyone in Jackson, that southern hospitality reminiscent of his old life, the Texas Joel coming out again, whereas she could tell that some people were a little intimidated by her, by her potential judgment or lack of enthusiasm over her new home. Tess knew she was not the best at first impressions, so the idea that someone in that town might have taken a genuine liking to her just by looking at her, she had to admit, it felt really good. partially because you were one of the only women she´d seen so far that she´d consider her type. 

the next morning in the dining hall Tess sipped her black coffee, glancing over at you a few times, before setting the cup down and clearing her throat. “hey”, she tapped Joel on the shoulder, who turned to her, mumbling his words because his mouth was still half full, “yeah, what is it?”, “what do you make of her?” Tess asked, pointing at you. you sat a few tables away from them and had no idea you were being watched, Joel studied your expression for a moment, “hm. I don´t know. seems kinda tired. and I don´t mean from a lack of sleep” Tess nodded, “yeah, seems that way”, she paused for a moment but she trusted Joel, so she continued, “this thing happened yesterday, she talked to me and apparently she hardly talks to anyone. strange huh?”, he considered it, “interesting. well, if you ask me you should see what that´s about. I mean, what do you have to lose, hm? seems like she could use a friend. or you know…”.

she knew what that last part was insinuating and threw him a look that said very funny, he teased her a little, “oh, don´t act like a saint Tess, I know you wouldn´t pay attention like this to any random person. and I don´t blame you, she´s very pretty”, “okay, watch it old man” she said, a sudden harshness to her tone. Joel knew exactly how to rile her, he laughed, patting her on the back as he stood up, “don´t worry, she´s all yours. come on now, let´s go, we´re on for patrol, you can continue your ruminating out there”, she waved him off “you know what, forget I ever mentioned it” but part of her enjoyed it, it had been ages since anyone had caught her attention, since there´d been banter like that between her and Joel over breakfast. 

the next night, there was a bigger get together, most people either drank or danced or sat around tables in small groups, and you tried your best to join in on it but after about an hour you felt the urge to leave, so you stood outside on your own for a short while, debating whether to go back in and say goodbye or just do an Irish exit. about 10 minutes after you went out there, someone else followed: Tess. she had the same issue, not really being one for parties or large gatherings, so it was a pleasant surprise for her, to see someone else standing there. 

“air got a bit thick in there” Tess said as she approached you, taking a deep breath, hands in her pockets, standing to your side, you looked at her, making a “hm” sound of agreement, she continued “oh by the way, I might be totally wrong but I thought out of everyone here you might be the one who´d appreciate this thing I found in my bag yesterday” she pulled something out of her jacket pocket, at first you couldn´t see but then you realized she was holding out a pack of cigarettes to you, “take it, I don´t need them. but I have a feeling you might”, you smiled, “do I give off that energy?”, “kinda yeah” she admitted, you took the pack, pulling one out, “and you´d be right. hell I´d take any drug at this point but this is a good start”, she got out a lighter, stepping closer to you, holding out her hand to shield the flame, “come here”, you liked the sound of that, the tone of an order, you blushed as you leaned closer to her, you didn´t make eye contact but she took in the sight of your face up close, your lips, before you stepped away again and took a drag, exhaling slowly with a sound of pleasure, “yeah this is good, thank you”, after a moment of silence you met her eyes again.

 “so, I heard you and Joel did some pretty fucked up shit back in the QZ”, that got the first genuine laugh out of Tess in a good while, everyone else in Jackson had danced around the topic, never explicitly mentioning their past as smugglers, probably to pretend that they were just a normal middle aged man and woman, but there you were, getting straight to the point, and it was refreshing, to hear someone speak that frankly. somehow she felt like you shared a language, “you could say that yeah”, you were curious, “ever killed someone?”, “of course” she responded without thinking twice, and for a moment she regretted it, scared of your reaction, but when she saw that you were grinning she thought oh no, I don´t have to censor myself at all around this girl at all.

“do you still have a gun?” you asked, raising your eyebrows at her, daring her to say the truth. she eyed you, debating whether to lie, knowing that it wasn´t encouraged to have weapons like that in Jackson, since it didn´t mix well with the pacifist vibe, her voice giving away that it was a clear yes, “but shh”, holding her index finger to her lips, you nodded, smiling “sure I won´t tell. that is if you let me hold it sometime”, she crossed her arms, impressed by your audacity, “oh I see we´re negotiating now, are we?”, you shrugged, “hey, I´ll give you something in return, anything really, just ask”, she turned your words over in her head for a second, wondering if they were as suggestive as she hoped they were.

 “right, okay I´ll think about it. have you ever fired one?”, you shook your head “no, we left the QZ when I was 17, too early to get into any of that”, she perked up, “right, I meant to ask you about that. what´s your story, how´d you end up here?”. you tried to summarize it well, not wanting to bore her with the whole thing, but from the way she was looking at you then, you realized you had her undivided attention, “the short version is this: my parents died a few years before I came here. I was too young to live on my own back then, like 14, so this girl I was friends with, her parents took me in. then when I was 17 they said they knew people here, that our life be better. they didn´t force me, I had a choice, but I would have been on my own and I was scared so I came here. we got along fine but I could tell they were sort of relieved when I suggested I should live on my own here, so yeah, that´s what happened” she took the words in, “I´m sorry. all of that must´ve been rough at that age” she felt a pain her heart, imagining you that young, already confronted with that much loss and change, it was starting to make sense, why you seemed sort of numb to everything, why a happy-go-lucky outlook didn´t really suit you. but she also respected you for it, knowing what it took to rebuild your life after a rupture like that. 

“can i say something really fucked up?” you said, taking another drag of the cigarette before flicking it away and rubbing your hands together to stay warm, she grinned, increasingly charmed by you, “please do, I´ve had enough polite chit-chat today”.

that encouraged you to be really honest, “I regret coming here. I wish I´d have been brave enough to stay back, make my way on my own. I am miserable here in ways I never was back then. it´s fucked up I know, considering all this” you gestured towards the fairy lights hung on a house across the street, the snow, the peaceful air of the moment, “but it´s the truth” a shaky exhale, like you were physically releasing tension by confessing that thought. 

Tess instinctively got closer to you, she was very interested in your thoughts then, “what do you miss?”, you had a wistful look in your eyes, “everything. minding my business and being left alone, walking for hours without seeing anyone I know, the wide spaces, the way nobody pretended that life was great, the fact that people were allowed to be openly frustrated with shit. here it seems almost blasphemous to say that you´re pissed off or angry about how your life turned out, back then it was a shared feeling of well, we´re in this hell together, you know? I don´t know man, I just don´t fit in here I think”.

it made sense to her what you were saying, she could feel some of it to be true for herself, “yeah I´ll be honest you don´t seem like the rest of them here”, you looked up at her then, “I don´t?” she shook her head, “no. if none of this ever happened I´d imagine you to be the type to end up in New York or some other big city with some cool friend group, going out a lot, hanging out in cafes all day, something like that” you groaned, “jesus don´t stay that you´ll make me cry”, she laughed, placing a sympathetic hand on your shoulder, her grip stronger than you expected, a heat where her fingers pressed into your skin through your jacket, “sorry, I´ll stop. but you get what I mean”, “yeah, I do, thank you. feels good to say it all out loud for once”, “well, then I´m glad. also I won´t lie, Joel is better fit for this place than I am, so you´re not alone. but then again, I´m older, I get that for someone your age it´s especially shitty to be stuck in this suburban kind of living, with no way out”. she was spot on. 

“well, I might have to ask you to tell me some stories about your life then, to live vicariously” you smiled at her, batting your eyelashes for dramatic effect, she was not immune to it, “right, some lovely stories about breaking people´s bones during fights” she joked, your eyes had a twinkle in them then, she clocked it and wondered for a second if the idea of her violent past might actually be part of what made you like her, find her attractive. “tell me more..” you said, your voice clearly signaling that you weren´t shocked but intrigued, Tess thought about what she could share, “well most of it is the same story of dumb luck mixed with slightly above average shooting skills, but one time I somehow managed to win a fight when the guy had a gun and I only had a knife. one of my sweeter memories” she joked, you nodded, “impressive. I´d like to see that” you meant it, she shook her head, “believe me you wouldn´t, it´s not glamorous, sounds much cooler than it looked”. you looked at each other for a moment, the night air was cold, you were both shifting your weight and clasping your hands together to stay warm, since apparently neither of you wanted to suggest going back inside or home.

Joel was the one to interrupt the moment. he swung the door open, looking around and seeing Tess standing there with you, giving you both a nod, waiting to see if Tess was gonna leave with him, both of you could feel that it might be time to call it a night, “well, I think that´s my cue” she said, you nodded, “yeah, I should get going too”, pointing in the direction of your house, “but it was nice talking to you” she agreed, “I´m sure we´ll run into each other again soon, would be pretty hard not to in this small ass town” you laughed, glad that she was willing to engage in some light shit talking “exactly, see you around”. 

“sorry, didn´t mean to cockblock you there” Joel said with a smugness about him as they started walking, Tess slapped him on the arm for that one, muttering “shut up” under her breath. “but on a real note, I asked Tommy about her and he couldn´t tell me shit. only that it took a while for her to warm up to them and now they´re friends, sort of. apparently she´s real smart, has read about every damn book in town, good on horseback, other than that he couldn´t tell me much.” that description didn´t mix at all with the fact that you´d just been so open with her, that you´d had no issue telling her about your deep feelings, it was dawning on her that you actually did behave differently around her, that you seemed to trust her for some reason. 

“we talked a little. she´s cool” she said plainly, trying to sound casual, he let her believe she did, “Tommy said people are kinda intimidated by her” Tess looked at him, “really?”, to her it seemed absurd but she could see why others might feel differently, “hmm” he said, “reminds me of someone else I know” nudging Tess in the side as they kept walking, she smiled to herself, not letting him see it, but he was right, something about you seemed surprisingly familiar, it kind of impressed her that your instincts had been sharp enough to pick up on it that quickly. part of her was grateful, it was good to know that regardless of where things would go with you, she´d always be able to count on having someone to have a good chat with, to be her true self with for a moment. 

the next few days you saw each other a few times, on the street in passing, in the dining hall, and Tess quickly realized why others might be hesitant to approach you; there was a stark contrast between how´d you acted that night talking to her, compared your vibe during the day. your expression was not grumpy but not inviting either, there was a clear distance that you kept between yourself and everyone else, you were polite, but whenever she saw you interacting with people there was none of that charm that you´d had with her, your eyes didn´t sparkle, your face was way less expressive, you seemed mellow, a little depressed to her, like you´d rather be on your own. she kept thinking back to how you´d smiled at her and it haunted her, the fact that you didn´t do it for anyone else. she didn´t want to admit it to herself but she wanted to talk to you again, she was dying for some excitement herself, the domestic life in Jackson wasn´t making her yearn for more as well, so about a week later she gave in. Tess had an idea about how she might get some genuine joy into your system. 

by the time Tess knocked on your door it was about 09:30 pm. it took a while for you to answer but she saw that a light was on so she was patient, standing there until you cracked the door open, a few visible marks from a pillow on your cheek, “oh fuck sorry did I wake you?” you shook your head, glad to see her, trying to fully wake up, “no, I mean.. kind of, I fell asleep on the couch” she laughed, “falling asleep before 10, huh? how old are you again?”, you squinted your eyes at her, “did you come here to make fun of me, or-?”, clearly not really bothered by her razzing you, “not strictly, no. I have a surprise. go put on a jacket, and a scarf too while you´re at it, it´s fucking cold” you nodded, trying to understand what her plan was, “a surprise?”, “well don´t think too big it´s nothing crazy, but yeah”, “okay wait, give me one second” you left the door open and quickly got dressed, a smile on your face then, you had no idea what was happening but you were just happy to see her again, to be sought out by her, so you hurried out and shut the door, following her. 

as you started walking you exchanged a few formalities, then you asked “where´s your buddy?” in a sort of teasing tone, she threw you a look from the side, “my buddy” she imitated in a low tone, “he´s with his brother. Maria isn´t feeling well, and I don´t need to be the only woman at that table, I really don´t” you laughed, “right, I get that. so what are we doing?” you asked, trying to suss out where she was leading you but it looked like you were heading towards the stables, she didn´t bother answering your question, “people won´t bother us there at this hour right?” she said, seemingly worried you might get caught doing something. you knew she wasn´t shameless or desperate enough to just lead you somewhere in public to hook up with you, but still, part of you liked the double meaning of the sneaking around, trying to find a place where you wouldn´t be disturbed, “no, I actually sometimes go to the horses at night when I can´t sleep. it´s kinda relaxing” that was an endearing image to her, you amongst those big animals, maybe petting them or talking to them, “yeah, I heard you´re good with them”, a prideful smile flickered across your face for a second “I guess yeah. I never really got the craze about dogs, I like them more, they´re strong but quiet about it”, that way of putting it amused her, she met your eyes; it didn´t escape her that that description also fit her. 

once you reached the stables and went inside, she walked over to you, close enough to face you. that was the first moment that night you actually took a good look at her; she looked hot even though barely an inch of her skin was visible, a forest green flannel was peaking out of her brown oversized jacket, she was wearing jeans that looked worn in, fit her perfectly, her face was flushed from the ice cold air, her long hair falling down her face in waves, the wind had messed it up a little, you were staring as she spoke, “so, I´m gonna need you to close your eyes and hold out your hands for me” you were clearly confused by that “huh? are you joking?”, she shook her head, “no, go on, do it”, so you did, not arguing about it, and she liked it, seeing you take her instruction without much questioning, your palms open, facing up, Tess could´ve done anything, she almost reached out and took your hands in hers, but she got her mind back to what the actual plan was before she could slip up and do it.

you could hear her reaching for something inside of her jacket, “okay, don´t be shocked it´s a little cold and a little heavy” you were out of ideas, no clue what was gonna be placed in your hands, a moment later you felt something that was clearly metal of some sort, holding it tentatively at first, “okay, open your eyes” she was standing a bit further away then, watching your reaction, and it was worth it: you jaw dropped when you realized she´d placed her gun in your hand. 

“you know, keeping up my end of the deal” you recalled that you´d jokingly told her to let you hold it but you didn´t think she´d actually do it. it wasn´t a small one either, you started tracing its features with your index fingers, inspecting it up close, fascinated, she watched you, a grin, “you like it, don´t you?” it was clear from your expression that you did, her suspicions about you not being easily shocked by anything confirmed, you nodded, “is it loaded?”, “hmm” she confirmed, and that really surprised you. she had basically handed you a lethal weapon that she knew you had no practice with, enough trust in you to believe you wouldn´t put her in danger, even though she hardly knew you. 

Tess moved to sit down on a stack of hay, keeping her eyes on you, “okay, now give me your best pose”, “huh??” you said, staring at her. “you know, show me how you´d yield that thing. just pretend I am some freak who is about to attack you”, you lowered your eyes, “right that should be easy”, she smiled, leaning back against the wall, manspreading, “I´m waiting”, an authoritativeness to her tone that made it impossible to deny her request. 

you felt a sense of embarrassment, hyper aware of your body because of her unflinching gaze, but it wasn´t entirely unpleasant, there was a heat to it too, so you relaxed your muscles and actually thought about how you´d behave, getting a feel for the gun, holding it out, not pointed at her but next to her, shifting your stance a little, closing one eye, a nod of approval from her, “not bad, not bad at all actually. I might have just recruited you if you´d been back in my QZ”, you grinned, dropping your arms, standing more naturally again, “then you don´t have very high standards if this is all it would take”, Tess stood up, “yeah, maybe I don´t”, moving closer to you, “do that again please”, she watched from up close then, “there´s just one thing I´d change, and then you´re good to shoot the shit out of something, or someone. here”, before you knew what was going on, she knelt down next to you and used both of her hands to roughly push your leg into a stance that would support your weight better, that would make it harder for someone to push you over. the feeling of her manhandling you like that shot a wave of adrenaline through your whole body, you almost asked her to keep her hands on your knee because it felt so good, even thought there was a thick fabric between her skin and yours, it felt just as thrilling as if she´d touched your bare leg. 

“yeah that´s better” she said, glancing up and down your body, “suits you. you should get into some shady business if you ever leave this place” she said, only half joking, admittedly a little turned on from seeing you like that,  “you´re really corrupting me here, huh? and you didn´t see me shoot yet, I might be god awful” she shrugged “oh we could work on that. maybe we´ll end up on patrol together one day, you could go off on some trees, practice” you laughed, “sure, sounds great”, the idea actually did seem pretty good to you, being out there far away from everyone with her for a while, doing something sort of forbidden, there was a clear intrigue in you and she could sense it, a pride swelling in her over the fact that her plan to get you to loosen up and have some fun had worked, she´d gotten through to you again, that smile back on your face that she hadn´t seen all week, that she´d admittedly missed and daydreamed about a few times. 

Tess was at a point in her life where she rarely felt angry about her circumstances, she was way past that, there was a general philosophy of it is what it is that she subscribed to, but because of you it was different all of a sudden, there was an anger about the world that you had reawakened in her. all she could think of the days after first talking to you was that she wished that the outbreak had never happened, that you´d have gotten to live the way people in their 20s lived back then: going out to bars with friends, spending hours out and about, studying, walking around town, going to see films in theaters, going to concerts, taking road trips, traveling, the list of things she wished you could go out there and experience was endless and it pissed her off, that someone clever like you was destined to just wither away, nothing to look forward to, no big dreams to go after. Tess could tell you´d have built a beautiful vibrant life for yourself if you´d have just gotten the chance, and she knew she couldn´t give you a miracle, but she knew she could give you something. you evidently saw something in her that you wanted, and she would try to do her best to give it to you. pulling you out of your house at night to have some stupid fun was a start. you sat down next to her on the stack of hay then, fidgeting with some pieces of it, the gun resting in your lap.

“so, you must have been pretty bored if this was your idea for a Friday night” you said, teasing, she raised her eyebrows, looking at you from the side, you were sitting close enough for you to see her eye color for the first time, “well, if there´s a secret exciting nightlife around here that i could have explored instead, please do enlighten me” you laughed, “yeah no, staying up past 12 am is as about as wild as nights can get here”, she nodded “sounds about right”, busying her hands with rubbing her legs that had gotten a little cold. “you know I get it, what you said, about having that kinda fucked up nostalgia for the QZ. I would never say this to anyone here because I really am grateful for their kindness but yeah. I do miss a few things about our old life” she seemed lost in thought, you felt for her but you were also relieved to have some comradery for once, after years of only thinking about these things, never sharing them with anyone, you spoke up “yeah I´ll be real with you, at this point I even miss the fear of walking around darker secluded parts of the city and possibly ending up in a fight. I would take a punch right over another night of not knowing what to do with myself” she let out a genuine laugh, your honesty was refreshing, attractive even, she´d never been a fan of sugar coating things.

“I hear you, I also miss the thrill of certain things, I am not great at just being content and settled. maybe I was when I was younger but yeah. things changed”, she was staring into space but you were looking at her, enjoying the feeling of being close to her, it was a peaceful scene, you two surrounded by silence, only the faint sounds of horses moving, the smell of earth and fresh air and hay, something comforting and serene about it, you patted her leg sympathetically, “but you´ll be fine, I can tell, you´re tough” she turned to look at you then, the feeling of your hand on her instantly pulling her out of her thoughts, your expression was soft, it had been a while since someone had looked at her like that, “that I am, yes” she said, a slight grin. 

she pointed towards your chest “okay that jacket really isn´t warm enough, you´re shivering”, you hadn´t realized because you were so lost in the joyful feeling of being with her, but she was right, your body had quickly grown cold from just sitting there, “do you have a fireplace in your house?” she asked, “no, just some heaters that only work half the time. wait, do you?”, “yeah, I think Joel left it on earlier so the rooms would warm up a little”, “damn, it really does pay off to come here as a relative of someone in town huh? they gave you the fancier kind of house”, “guess so. so much for everyone being equal around here, right?” she joked, you smiled, “I mean I´ll share our luxuries, gladly, you could come warm up if you want. jesus your hands are red” she said, holding one of your your hands in both of hers, shielding it from the icy air, your breath hitched as you felt her skin on yours, she rubbed your hand a little in attempt to get the blood flow going again, “yeah no, we´re going inside, I won´t be responsible for giving you fucking hypothermia out here, come” she said, pulling you up, the word “we” swirling around in your head, all those details you pick up on when you like someone, the first time of her referring to the two of you as a union, as “we”. 

you almost felt dizzy from that whole exchange, by the sudden tenderness, her worry for your well being. most nights you could have sat there for hours and nobody would´ve come to bother you or check on you, but there she was, watching out for you, paying attention. after so many years on your own, day after day of floating around, never being tethered to someone, it was almost overwhelming, to be touched, to be seen, taken care of in some small way. 

you both walked fast, clouds of smoke from your breath in the air, the streets empty, indirect light from a few windows illuminated the snowy road little, “okay almost there” Tess said as you approached their house. she was relieved that it was dark, since it meant Joel wasn´t home yet and she would have hated nothing more than her one on one time with you being cut short. 

once you were inside, she turned on a few smaller lights in favor of the big overhead one, “don´t be shy, make yourself comfortable” gesturing towards the fireplace where a medium sized flame was slowly burning away, the couch only a few feet away from it, “want a drink?” she asked from across the room as she made her way towards the kitchen, “uh, sure yeah” you answered, while scanning the room. it was clear that they´d just moved in, but it was cozy nonetheless, lots of old wooden furniture, a few clothes thrown over the chairs, a few pretty pink flowers on the dining table, probably a housewarming gift from someone. 

you got rid of your jacket and crouched down in front of the fire, warming your hands for a second, feeling the heat on your face, which almost hurt since your body temperature was a sharp contrast, but very shortly after you could feel your cheeks flushing, your hands getting less stiff, your muscles relaxing. as Tess walked back into the room she smiled to herself, the view of you doing that endearing to her, “nice huh?”, she asked, “yeah I think I could fall asleep on the floor right here” you mused as you got up to join her on the couch. she held out a drink to you, which looked better than you´d expected: a few ice cubes, a slice of lemon, you didn´t bother asking what was in it, you just leaned on the armrest of the couch, pulled your legs up onto the cushions and took a big sip as she did the same. you both exhaled at the same time after, “damn, this is better than the drinks at the bar” she was flattered, “well, I´ve learned a thing or two about improvising with whatever ingredients I have access to. she was quicker than you with downing the contents of the glass, clearly not a lightweight, you set yours down too after a few more sips. she had also gotten comfortable, her arm lazily thrown over the back of the couch, an achingly hot pose for her to be in, the way a lot of guys usually sat, it had been a long time since you´d come across a woman like her and it was waking something in you up, slowly but surely.

“you should be careful with being a good host. I might start showing up here more than you´d like. you know, that thing of not feeding stray cats because otherwise they´ll wait on your doorstep every day” she laughed, amused by that comparison, “well, I happen to like cats, so” there was a longer, charged pause after she said that in a tone low enough to make it clear she wasn´t just saying it plainly, that there was a clear double meaning in there. you both just looked at each other, neither of you breaking eye contact, but also not growing nervous either, it was comfortable to share a wordless moment of connection, the light of the fire drenching your facial features in a golden hue, not helping either of you with your painfully intense attraction. “can I ask you a question, and you promise to answer it honestly?” you smiled, tilting your head, “sure” you had nothing to lose, you´d tell her whatever she wanted to hear. “why are you so different with me than with the others?” she asked, a seriousness to it, not letting you off the hook, her eyes remaining on yours.

you thought for a second, the truth seemed simple to you, “well, I like you”. she shook her head, “no, that´s not a good enough answer, try again. I´m not daft, I can tell you like me, what I asking you is why”. you pointed at her then, “well there is one reason, I like that you tell me to do things, that you aren´t timid or weirdly careful with me” she nodded slowly, something dawned on her, “okay I see, you like when I boss you around, huh?”, you shrugged, “perhaps”. she was alert then, her posture shifting to a more upright position, instinctively leaning a bit closer to you since the conversation had turned in a way that was affecting her on a deeper level, “I mean-” you continued, “on a more heartfelt note, when I saw you interacting with people I just felt that there was a strength to you that I´d rarely seen in anyone else, makes me feel at ease. I guess there´s something secure about you, something solid and.. I don´t know calming. I like being around people who are stronger than me, not just physically, I don´t always need to be the tough one in the roomm you know, I really don´t” you leaned your head back against the cushions then, turning to face her, looking up at her, and she was in awe of how your entire physicality had changed, how pretty much all of your walls had come down, you looked almost angelic to her in that moment, she shook her head a little, a gentle smile as she spoke in a quiet voice, “they all got you so wrong, huh?”, “how so?” you asked, remaining in your comfortable position, without hesitation she reached out and caressed your cheek, softly, “you´re such a sweet girl. and they have no idea”. you were entirely hers then, it was done, the feeling of her fingers on your face, the deep affection, the way she´d figured you out completely, you were melting right in front of her, hardly anyone had ever called you sweet, she could see in your face that she´d hit you right in the heart, “not for just anyone” you said, earnestly, weight to her words, wanting her to know it was special for you, to let someone in.

she nodded, her hand still on your face, “you want me to take care of you, hm?”, you nodded, your eyes like you were looking up at a god, pleading for mercy, for light, for love, her whole body was flooded with warmth and not because of the fire, “nobody´s ever given you what you really need, right?”, it was like she was reading you, saying all the deepest most intimate things you´d never dared to express, to anyone, pulling them out of you, she brushed her thumb over your lower lip, watching every last bit of composure leave your spirit. the moment her hand left your skin you looked devastated, a satisfied smile on her face as she leaned back, letting you sit in the feeling that had just crashed over you because of her, before giving you a gentle order, “come here” she said, her hand waving you closer, and the moment she said it you climbed over to her, reaching for her but before you could decide what to do, she already had her hands firmly on the back of your head, eagerly pulling you in for a kiss, fully in control, you didn´t have to do anything but lean into it, her lips warmer and softer than you expected, but a clear force in there, she kenw you didn´t need it to be slow and chaste, she knew you needed it visceral and intense, your hands found her neck as you opened up for her, the kiss turning sloppy and needy in an instant, the taste of her hot and sweet, a residue of liquor on her tongue, you didn´t even try to suppress any sounds as her tight grip slowly turned you into a desperate mess, once you seperated to get some air you just stared at each other, out of breath, skin on fire, faces glowing, eyes lowered like you were fixing prey.

without much time to lose you pulled your shirt over your head, you wanted her to see you, it had been ages since anyone had admired your naked form, and you were dying to give yourself over to her, for someone to make use of your body, to derive pleasure from it, once you were left topless, only your lower half still clothed, Tess felt a deep reverence for you, leaning closer to slowly run her hand from the top of your chest down over your tits, resting it there, marveling at you “god. you´re fucking perfect..”, your breath was shallow, an impatience growing in you, so you closed the distance to kiss her again, feeling her grab your tits rather hard, yet somehow the passion was not enough for you yet even though you were already practically devouring each other, so you pulled away, your lips still apart as you said something you had never said before.

“spit in my mouth” you practically begged her, your tone not playful or provocative but earnest, an urgency to it, she was barely inches from you and realized that you weren´t asking her to degrade you, you were offering up total submission to her, it was something of an honor, to be the sole witness of your surrender, so she placed her hands on the sides of your face, looking down at you, almost cradling your head, your tongue flat, like you were waiting to take communion, she didn´t do it with force or malice, letting her saliva drip into your mouth slow and thick like honey, watching you take it, without any hesitation you closed your mouth and swallowed, it felt natural, right, to try and become one with her like that, to feel some part of her running down your throat, Tess was staring down at you with nothing but pure adoration by that point, she didn´t even have to tease you or edge you to give yourself up, nothing, you had done it out of your own want, which turned her on even more than if she´d had to push you, “such a good girl, aren´t you?” she cooed, fingers in your hair, your hands on her back, your eyes went wide as she said that, it didn´t escape her, that she´d hit gold, “say that again” you pleaded, a smile from her then as she leaned close to your ear, her voice sultry and deep, a whisper “good girl”, one of her hands lower on your body then, your chest flushed from arousal.

“I thought about this all week” you confessed, feeling her mess with the waistband of your jeans, “yeah, what did you do while thinking about me?” she teased as her hand slipped into your underwear, a sharp breath in from you, it was hard to speak, so she pressed further, “something like this?”, her fingers finding your wetness then, getting coated it in, slowly moving them up and down, teasing you, you nodded, moans starting to leave you, “feels better when I do it, hm?”, “yes” you uttered, before another desperate sound escaped you, her movements were steady and skilled, not erratic, creating a delicious ache in your core, your nails starting to dig into her back as she had you pinned to the couch, “please Tess..” you begged, it was clear that you needed more, she could feel her fingers practically dripping from your slickness by that point, so she pushed two of them into you, not too fast, but her fingers were bigger than yours so there was a moment of pain, but you took it, letting her go knuckle deep, she could tell you´d winced a little at first, “look at you, all quiet and behaved” she praised, “you can be louder sweetie, it´s okay” she encouraged, not minding a little whining, you relaxed a little as she started figuring out how best to fuck you, finding a rythm that would suit you, to get you to unravel, a heartfelt “fuck..” from you as she hit a certain spot, she leaned down to kiss your neck then as she kept her fingers at that angle, hitting your weak spot, drinking up all the sweet sounds you were making for her, the scent of your skin driving her crazy as she left kisses all over your throat, easy access since your head was thrown back. 

your moans were turning into cries as you felt yourself throbbing around her fingers, the heat at your core growing more intense each time she pushed into you, the feeling of being trapped beneath her, her lips and teeth on the side of your neck, her hand drawing out a pleasure unlike you´d ever felt, it all left you helpless and shaking in the face of your approaching climax, “fuck Tess” you got out, she could feel you clenching around her fingers, “it´s okay, I got you”, she pulled back to watch you then, a vulnerability to it as your hips moved up more violently, a few harder thrusts into you got you to claw into her back and shudder as you came around her fingers, a deep satisfaction in her as she saw your face twist in pleasure, your mouth open, your hair all messed up; it was all she needed to almost cum herself, that sight, burned into her mind already.

 once your muscles went slack she moved her fingers from inside of you to your clit, a few last lingering touches as you felt the aftershocks of the orgasm until Tess let go of you, slowly moving to her side of the couch, knowing that some people need a little space after they cum, but in that moment, with her, you didn´t; the second you regained some strength you got up and moved over to put your hands on around neck and look at her up close, not a care in the world about the fact that you were still topless, an exhausted but bright smile on your face, she shook her head, hands on your bare waist, “god, you´re fucking killing me..” she admitted, you cocked your head, “am I? I haven´t even returned the favor yet” you said, a grin, “no need, I got what I wanted, trust me”, she said, caressing you, “makes two of us then” you whispered before kissing her again, slower than before, a laziness to it, it was late, you were both tired, but blissed out, content, holding onto each other. 

after a moment she urged you to put your shirt back on, not wanting you to get cold, even though she missed your skin the second she moved her hand away from your back. once you were dressed again you came back to your senses a little, a giddiness to you then, both of you almost shy for a second, laughing at the same time, sitting there next to each other, a little in disbelief, “you know having no friends and no relatives around here has its perks, I won´t have to justify this to anyone” you joked, she raised her eyebrows, “well good on you sweetheart, me on the other hand, I doubt Joel would love to explain to his brother that the friend that he vouched for is messing around with the girls here”, you feigned shock, “girls? i´m one of many, huh?” she laughed, “you know what I mean”, you nodded, “sure, I get it, you could try blaming it on me, just say I relentlessly pursued you”, “right, so kind of the truth, hm?” she teased, “fuck off” you said, pushing her in the side, but smiling still, “you were the one who showed up late at night, not me” she couldn´t argue with that, “right”, “I mean, not that I´m complaining, do it again any time you want please”, she nodded, smiling “if you insist”. you both just sat there for a moment, absentmindedly holding hands, until you realized how late it had gotten and that Joel must be getting home soon, “I should probably go, I doubt you wanna explain this to your roomie”, an ironic emphasis on the last word, she laughed, “right, no, let´s save that for another time.”

Tess wished she could have told you to stay, but she knew it would have been awkward as hell for all three of you to be in the same house, so she let you get up to go put on your jacket and shoes, watching you from the couch. before you could leave, you went back over to her once more to lean down and kiss her goodbye, a tender gesture that you wouldn´t have just done for a hook up and she could tell, still in awe of how willing you were to be like that with her, “I´l see you tomorrow then?” she asked, obviously counting on it, “yes, and if not I´ll find you”, she caressed your cheek “good. but have a good night first, sleep well”, you turned to leave as you said “you too. and thank you, for.. well everything”, feeling her loving gaze on your back as you went outside, the cold air hitting you in the face so hard you didn´t even realize that Joel was approaching the house until you were only a few feet away from him,, too lost in your feelings for Tess to feel embarrassed or weird about it, giving him a nod, he suppressed a grin, opting for a polite smile instead as he made his way past you up the stairs, “have a good rest of the night” he said, “yeah, you too!” you answered, barely aware of his presence as the feeling of Tess all over you was still clouding your mind. 

the moment he walked through the door, Tess was a little scared of his reaction to having seen you come out of their house at that hour, but he dropped his jacket over a chair and said “well you sure as hell didn´t waste any time, huh?, his tone giving away that he was amused, relief washing over Tess as he flopped down onto the couch next to her, that familiar groan from him at the end of a long day. “so I take it this is your way of telling me you´re okay with me having her over?” she asked, eyeing him, he realized she´d been unsure whether he´d be mad or not, it was a funny thought to him, since Tess was so rarely timid around him, “I don´t mind, you can have her here. I mean, she´s not bad to look at, so I won´t complain”, she shot him a glare “you keep your eyes to yourself when she´s here, got it?” he laughed, “god that poor girl has no idea what she´s in for, with your possessive ass”.

she grinned, “oh please, she loves it”, he considered it, stretching out his legs, getting comfortable, “guess she does. man, you really found your match in her, huh? you two are a bit insane for this, but hey, I respect it, gotta find joy one way or another” she could tell he meant it, “exactly. maybe you should give it a try too, I saw at least a handful of women turning to look back at you the past few days” he shook his head, “no, thank you. I´ll leave the midlife thing of dating young girls to you”, shedidn´t fight him on it, “fine, I´m better at it anyway” she teased back, “judging from that smile that was frozen on that girl´s face you might actually be right”, she liked hearing that, “oh really?”, he nodded, “you should feel really good about yourself my friend, two weeks here and you already cracked the supposedly toughest one of them all” she leaned back, closing her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the fire and the familiar vibe with Joel and the memory of you, thinking about how only she had gotten to see your true core, that beautiful look on your face, only for her. she knew she´d have to show you just how grateful she was for making her arrival in Jackson that much better than she had dared to hope for.

Tess was not a spiritual person, but somehow it did seem like fate of some sort, that you two had ended up in the same place and understood each other so instinctively, that both of you slept much better that night knowing someone else in that town would always see you for who you really were. 

[arabellavernierwrites]

For Spencer Reid x reader request (if u still want)

What about reader has to give a speech or something for the press (for some reason JJ couldn't, maybe it was meant for the unsub or something and reader fits his type or whatever) and she's like really nervous because she hates talking to such a large public. Spencer comforts her but when she stood in front of all those people she just frooze and got a meltdown. Just Spencer comforting reader (maybe autistic reader but doesn't have to) :)

Thank u in advance!

public speaking. s.r.

summary : in an especially difficult case , you are asked to hold a press conference. having to face your fear of public speaking , spencer helps encourage you. (could be read as platonic , as well as autistic reader if you like !)

word count : 2022

warnings : anxiety attack , overstimulation (could also be read as autistic overstimulation , i wanted to include themes of both), mentions of feeling sick (vomit) , extreme fear , descriptions of panic

a/n : hello guys ! oh my gosh thank you so much for sending in a request ! they are so much fun to do , and i am so grateful that you all like my work enough to want me to write something for you. it really means a lot to me. i’ve been really in the mood for writing lately , so i will be getting around to putting more out , so please send requests if you have any ! you guys have been so wonderful to me i really am so grateful for the treatment that i have received from you all , you are so sweet ! have an amazing incredibly wonderful day ! love you guys !

when jj left for maternity leave, you were more than happy to step in for her. a good friend and a good coworker, you wanted to make her proud.

you were great at your job, more organized and efficient than anyone at the bureau on most occasions. case files would fly in and out of your office on the daily, stacks forming and diminishing with each passing hour that you worked.

you were praised by your superiors often, making everyone’s taks easier for them with just how skilled of a liaison you were.

when it came to conferences, or communicating with large groups of press, you struggled. the idea of standing in front of dozens of bright, flashing cameras, men and women barking at you from all angles with questions and accusations, and having to make sure you speak to the public in a matter that satisfies them, all while not revealing more than allowed, petrified you.

your body shook at the possibility of getting tongue-tied in front of everyone, messing up, tripping over your words, or misspeaking and costing yourself a career. the very thought of walking up to a podium to make an announcement for a case detrimental to someone’s livelihood made you freeze up and panic.

when jj had returned, your mind was at peace knowing that you weren’t going to have to hold down vomit in front of a meeting hall of untamed journalists again. or so you thought.

“look, i know that this isn’t ideal. but you fit the type that this guy is after,” jj spoke sincerely, “i talked with hotch, and we both agree that we think that it’s best if you hold the conference. it may draw him out”.

all oxygen had left your body. an icy chill shuttered down the length of your spine, your fingers and toes falling numb. the way the hairs stood on the back of your neck was sickening, making you feel like prey being hunted for sport.

“jj, i-” you started, preparing yourself to turn her down in a professional manner.

“trust me, i know how scary it is,” she stroked your arm, “but if we don’t do this now, this case is just gonna drag on and we are going to continue to lose more people”.

weeks into a gruesome case, everyone was exhausted and worn thin. you all wanted to put a criminal behind bars and return everyone home safely, but you felt miles away from that possibility.

the police station you had been working at was overflowing with officers, everyone flying in and out of rooms, falling all over each other with stacks of paper and coffee cups in hand, anxious to get this case solved.

“okay,” your hands shook, “i’ll do it”.

you and jj spoke for hours. she coached you on what to say, how to act, and what to do if things went awry. you two wrote and rewrote outlines for your very public announcement.

what was supposed to make you feel more prepared for the meeting later, ended up sinking fear and doubt deeper into your skin.

the team was waiting in an empty classroom at the local elementary school. heat radiated through the windows under the mercy of the summer sun, journalists and reporters flooded into the gymnasium in hopes to get a seat to witness the fbi’s latest statement.

you sat on one of the desks in the small, uncomfortably warm classroom. your mind was racing, your heart beating in competition to keep up with it. you tried to breathe deep, to fill your lungs with confidence and release the doubt that plagued your thoughts. but the more you inhaled and exhaled, the more you found yourself coming up short of breath.

the thick air of the classroom laced itself around you, pulling itself tighter until it suffocated you. beads of sweat threatened to form on your forehead as you felt your vision tunneling. you hopped up off the desk, shaking your hands out as you hurried into the empty hallway.

the sound of your heels clacking on the floor reverberated off the walls as you paced. the pattern on the linoleum was dizzying as it moved beneath your feet.

“are you alright?”

your head turned. spencer approached you from the end of the hallway, his tall, lean figure highlighted by the obnoxiously fluorescent lights above you.

“spencer, what do i do?” your voice teetered on cracking as you slid down the wall next to you, your back brushing against the lockers as you pressed your face to your knees.

“may i ask what you’re afraid of?” he spoke genuinely, taking a seat next to you.

“i’m afraid of messing up and saying something stupid, or forgetting what i’m supposed to say and sounding stupid,” you ran your fingers through your hair, gently tugging at the roots, “i’m afraid of saying the wrong thing and getting another young woman killed. i’m afraid of this guy coming after me. i’m afraid someone is gonna ask a question i have no idea how to answer. i’m afraid of freaking out and embarrassing myself in front of all of those people”.

“hey, he’s not gonna go after you,” spencer stopped you from pulling at your scalp, “and you’ll do great. you know more about this case than anyone else, you’ve been reciting information about it to the precinct for weeks. you shouldn’t worry about stumbling over a word, you’re an eloquent speaker. and if this does add another victim to our board, you know it won’t be your fault”.

you lifted your head to look at spencer, your hands still in his. his big, brown eyes bore into yours. a painting of worry, and sickening sweetness, framed his face. care and kindness poured from his soul in a way that almost made you nauseous to think about.

you groaned, throwing your head back against the lockers behind you, “stop making me believe in myself. it’s corny”.

spencer laughed, feigning disbelief, “i just gave you an uplifting speech!”

a door at the end of the hallway creaked open, hotch peaked his head out and called to you, “it’s time for you to go”.

you pressed your forehead to spencer’s shoulder, “you’re sure i’ve got this?”

he smiled, “i’m sure”.

“thank you,” you sighed deeply, “i feel like i’m gonna throw up all over your shoes”.

“come on,” spencer stood up, reaching his hands out to pull you to your feet, “we’ll walk you in there”.

the elementary school gym was filled to the brim, guests overflowing through the doors into the parking lot. loud chatter occupied the space, the air buzzing with heat and anticipation.

you took a deep breath, entering the double doors to stand behind the podium.

shouts erupted from the audience. people struggling to refrain from jumping out of their seats, cameras flashing, shuttering, spewing clacking sounds that mocked their owner. the already loud room grew with noise, voices climbing up walls and swinging from the ceiling, pummeling your sensitive eardrums.

a wave of cold rushed over you, your body tensing as you stood behind the small black microphone. a small yelp of feedback echoed as you placed your hands on the sealed wood of the podium. you tried to control the fear in your eyes, needing to put a mask of professionalism on in front of a crowd of animals.

“good afternoon,” you started, “as of 5:00pm today, we are still looking for the subject that has committed these heinous acts”.

the crowd erupted once again. insults were thrown at you, and you wouldn’t be surprised if chairs were to join that mix soon.

“we have been utilizing every force of manpower we have for several weeks now. our officers are spread thin, but we are working overtime to make sure this we can get this case closed and bring everyone home safely,” your hands were shaking in front of you. a sense of false confidence had gotten you this far, but as the atmosphere of the gymnasium started to sink in, your breath caught up with you.

“we have no further updates at this time,” you cleared your throat, trying to remain unbothered by the incessant yelling and flashing lights, “but we are continuing our search”.

a queasy feeling started to overtake you as the volume of the crowd became unbearable. shouts became deafening, camera clicks echoed the kickback of a gun, and you had to blink to make sure the walls weren’t actually closing in around you.

you knew that your silence had gone on for too long now, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a tightening rope around your neck. your mind went blank in a white, hot explosion of panic.

“we,” you tried to breathe deep, but it came out sounding more like a hiccup, “we will not be taking”.

you cleared your throat again, feeling like the floor had just opened up beneath you, “we will not be taking any questions at this time”.

you rushed yourself off of the stage, bursting through the double doors again, pulling at the ends of your hair as you choked on hot tears.

the fabric of your blouse fluttered at the pace of the rising and falling of your chest. you unbuttoned it slightly, tearing off your blazer as you practically fell into the nearest classroom.

your ears burned, your face burned, everything burned and stung and started to shut down as you stumbled your way through the room, catching yourself on a desk.

you hunched over, panting, trying to pull your mind from the depths of the sea of thoughts it was drowning in, but no amount of deep breathing was going to keep it afloat.

“hey,” spencer hurried in after you, running over to hold you up, “are you okay?”

“i screwed up,” you gasped, his touch the only thing reminding you you’re still alive.

“breathe,” he ordered, turning to face you, “breathe with me”.

you gripped his forearms tightly, locking eyes. he was worried, but his gaze remained calm, grounded here with you. he slowly breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, keeping a steady pace that didn’t feel as much like a wild animal thrashing around as before.

the room around you began to return, no longer as dark and blurry as before. you felt real in your skin again, the sensation of spencer’s pulse beneath your fingertips gluing you in reality. the fear of looming unconsciousness escaped you as oxygen filled your lungs once again.

as you came back to yourself, the guilt and embarrassment set in. you fought the tears welling in your eyes.

“i messed up, spencer,” you choked back a whine, looking to the floor in shame.

“it really wasn’t as bad as you think,” spencer leaned in, pulling you to his chest, gently, “towards the end you froze up a little, but i don’t think anyone would have noticed”.

“i forgot like half of what jj instructed me to say,” you sniffled, “that girl could die because i didn’t inform the public of necessary information”.

spencer ran his fingers through your hair, “you told the public all the information that could be potentially helpful. there’s not all that much we can go on, and that’s not your fault”.

you swore under your breath, feeling yourself breaking in his arms, “i feel awful”.

the tears flowed as fast as they came, hot and ugly and full of embarrassment.

spencer’s hand rubbed soft circles on your back, “i don’t want to tell you how to feel, but it shouldn’t be awful. regardless of how you think you did, i’m proud of you for getting up there and doing it. so, please, don’t beat yourself up over it”.

“we both know that’s a promise i can’t keep,” you tearfully chuckled, looking up at spencer, “thank you. for those few seconds that i felt like i stood a chance, that confidence came from you”.

“so my uplifting speech was uplifting?” he asked, smiling bashfully.

you jokingly smacked his chest, “i guess you could say that”.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  dartlekey! @dartlekey has 11 fics in the Stranger Things Fandom and 9 of them are in the Steddie tag!.

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @dartlekey:

If you were church (I'd get on my knees)

RUSH! (T4T REMIX)

At a medium pace

With great power

"I read the "with great power" series not long after I got into the Steddie fandom and was instantly like "I need to raid this author's other fics" and subscribed to them. No regrets for that choice!!" -- Anonymous

Below the cut, @dartlekey answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

For me, Steddie hits that sweet spot of strong characterization but woefully underexplored details, both for the individual characters but also their dynamic with each other in canon. That makes their relationship the ideal writer's sandbox - since they're both so fluid, you can explore the characters through each other, showcasing many different and even conflicting facets of each other while still retaining their original characters and behaviors. Either of them can be rich or poor, famous or an everyguy, Gay or Bisexual, Dom or Sub, Top or Bottom, Trans in any direction - the details are up to you! 

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love a good slowburn friends-to-lovers fic. It needs to be a specific kind for me though - I'm not much one for prolonged pining, but I love it when the friendship is explored in such depth that the next step feels like an inevitability. Watching that deep platonic affection turn not-so-platonic, that's the good shit. 

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

My specialty as a writer, I think, is crack treated seriously, or crack with a twist. Usually the first question that sparks one of my fics is “If X happened, would that be hilarious or what?” and then the second is “But if it was because of Y, would that be fucked up or what?” I think you can see it best in If you were church I'd get on my knees (what if Steve was a stripper at Eddie's stag party BUT it was actually a social commentary on queerness and sexuality in the face of religious oppression), but it's in At a medium pace too (what if Eddie couldn't move his arms because of injury so Steve “has” to jerk him off, but it's actually about how growing up queer can warp your perspective on healthy sexuality) , or even in Don't look back (What if Eddie had to dom Steve for plot reasons, but it's all body horror and trauma and spiraling codependency). 

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

I don’t think I could name one all-time favorite, because what I enjoy most about fanfic is that different writers bring different character interpretations, storytelling styles and plot ideas to the table, which I find incomparable. I have enjoyed many of the well-known classics, of course (pukner I owe you my life--), but let me use this chance to give a shout-out to some less well-known masterpieces! My top three underrated fics are Three Days on the Red Planet by CaptainHoney/@grandmastattoo on tumblr (retro scifi, gritty but humorous hopepunk, every single fic of theirs is a certified banger but I love this one the most for some reason!!), Love dirty men alike by wrenowich (chef au, an ode to kitchen culture in all its griminess, I love a detailed backstory plus Steddie being wonderfully weird about each other), and That’s just wasteland, baby! by fastcardotmp3 (post-s4 apocalypse survival, sweet and aching and tired and yet hopeful, made me cry in the best way). 

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

One that's pretty unique to the steddie fandom, or perhaps general stranger things fandom, is “if canon event x had happened differently/hadn't happened at all/had happened to a different person, how would the rest of canon change?” I still need to work out a lot of details in my head, so that's all I'll say for now, but it's something I'm very interested in exploring.

What is your writing process like?

Much to the horror of fic writers everywhere, I don't do first drafts, I just write out everything in detail, scene by scene in chronological order. I edit as I go, and consider the many-numbered, often unplanned writing breaks an important part of my process - when I let the written portion sit for a while and the unwritten ideas percolate in my brain for a bit, I often end up with new plot points or solutions for problems I've been having! And when that inspiration strikes, I can write anywhere - on the train, during lunch break at work, in the vegetable aisle of the grocery store… I have gdocs on my phone and I use it liberally; I'd say I write at least 80% of any given fic on my phone. 

Do you have any writing quirks?

Apart from the hot mess I just described, I'd say it's that I never use Beta readers. I'll occasionally ask friends to help with specific details if I need an expert on certain subject matter, but I've found I get very grumpy and fussy if someone pokes at my plot (even if or rather especially if they’re right lol), and I don't want to subject anyone to that. 

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

For oneshots or series comprised of single-chapter fics I like posting as soon as I'm done, but for multi-chapter works I've recently found that starting to post only after I've finished most (if not all) chapters beforehand improves the quality of the story! Since I tend to integrate new ideas or shift around plot points a lot while writing, I often end up in completely different places than my original concept, so if an early chapter isn't posted yet I can retroactively edit it to add foreshadowing or tone-match the end of the work, remove loose threads and suchlike. Don't look back is a good example of how this has worked out for me; comparatively It don't bite (Yes it do) - which I wrote and posted chapter by chapter - is tonally all over the place. 

Which fic are you most proud of?

Naturally I love all my babies, but I consider Don't look back my magnum opus - both because it is the longest fic I've ever written (13 chapters and 90.000 words in total, that's practically a novel!) and because it's the most plot-rich, labor-intensive, and overall serious in tone. I even worked in subplots about the rest of the cast, so it almost reads like its own season. I wrote it for last year's Steddie Bigbang, which means there's also a gorgeous accompanying artwork by @the-chilly-kat. 

How did you get the idea for With great power?

At the time I'd seen a few marvel AUs floating past me on the tumblr timeline, usually with Steve as Spiderman and Eddie as the human component of Venom, and having just recently seen the Venom movie depicting the rich relationship between Eddie Brock and the symbiote, it surprised me that most left the symbiote as its own character, and not substituted one of the ST main cast. The symbiotic relationship of Stobin immediately came to mind, though I also still loved the idea of Steve as Spidey - then I remembered that in the Toby McGuire movies, the two are not mutually exclusive, and it all spiraled from there. Eddie as Deadpool just made sense - immortal wild-card with a dubious moral code but a heart of gold? Obviously! Plus Spideypool is, of course, a classic ship. 

When writing With great power, what was something you didn’t expect?

I actually got several curious comments about the sex toy Steve uses in Because the night - a grindable or grinder, which is a flat-ish silicone structure, usually ribbed in an interesting way, that one can grind against to get off (as the name suggests). I thought it was pretty common, but apparently it's not very well known!

What inspired  RUSH! (T4T REMIX)?

Oh, it's my time to gush! Because the idea for the first work actually came about from a late night conversation I had with the beautiful, amazing, wonderful @maikaartwork, back when we were, how should I say, in the courting stage? Seeing as we met through the Steddie fandom, I decided to write Baby Said basically to seduce them - and I am happy to say it worked, as we've been dating for over eight months now and are planning to move in together next year! Both works from RUSH! - T4T REMIX (and the secret new WIP, shh) are thus somewhat inspired by our conversations and our t4t relationship, but also by the many interesting and different trans people I've met over the years, and trans solidarity and relationships in general.

What was your favorite part to write from At a medium pace?

The small-talk in between position changes - no, really! I love a mindless marathon-fuck story as much as the next person, but there's something very sweet and intimate about those little breaks in sex, the pass the lube, move your leg a bit, what's for dinner later of it all. That's where you see that emotional connection - there's no admission of crushes or big love confessions in this fic because it's right there in the details.

How do/did you feel writing RUSH! (T4T REMIX)?

Honestly, it's just really really fun and self-indulgent. The Steddie dynamic in it is so bitchy, all the bickering makes me laugh even as I'm writing it. It's also just really fun to write about the trans experience in a way that is curious and loving, and reflects all the very different and yet similar ways people experience living in a body that defies expectation. I've loved all my fellow trans people sounding off in the comments about their own transition experiences, it's wonderful to have such a fantastic community!

What was the most difficult part of writing If you were church (I'd get on my knees)?

Curiously enough, not the many religious trauma bits! Much like Eddie in the fic, I'm only church-freak adjacent - I grew up in a non-religious household but with extended family that were extremely catholic, so the odd juxtaposition of being occasionally close to but definitely not involved in what is pretty much cult behavior inspired much of this fic. The most functionally difficult part to write was actually the wedding - as an aro-spec & trans relationship anarchist, church weddings have never been relevant to me, so I had very little idea what actually goes into one! Very little of the research I conducted on the topic actually made it into the fic, but hey, the more you know. 

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

People keep asking me that, and I never know what to answer! If I had to pick one, though, maybe the last few paragraphs of Don't look back - where you can see the tragedy coming, but there's no way of stopping it, because it was always going to end this way. And then Eddie's last words before the end of the fic call back to the title as well as the general theme of the fic - it just all comes together for such a crescendo of an ending. 

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Yes, actually! Coming soon in the SteddieBang'24, me and my lovely artist @hawkinsleather have been working hard on a 20k post-s4 fic called A glimpse of your canvas, which is about closeted transfemme!Eddie, women's solidarity, and Steve's very confusing no-good trip to the gay bar. Both With great power and RUSH! (T4T REMIX) have another WIP pending which I'll eventually finish (I promise, I'm just easily distracted!!), and for those who are still mad about Don't look back’s open ending, I'm almost done with the sequel, which features a lot of bad decisions by all characters involved, the healing power of community, and a bit of accidental child acquisition. 

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Given the chance of this platform, I would like to notify my readers that I'm a terrible procrastinator when it comes to replying to comments, but I read and cherish every one of them - and repeat commenters, I see you, I love you, I am chewing on your arm like a dog with a bone!! I would also like to thank the steddie fandom in general for giving me the hottest partner known to man or God, and for the many friendships I've been so fortunate to build here. Talk about transformative works, am I right? <3 

Thank you to our author, @dartlekey, and our anonymous nominator! See more of dartlekey's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[softxsuki]

Heyy, I have an urgent request. So I have an eating disorder (restrictive type anorexia) and it was caused because of my mom and how obsessed she was with my weigh and what I ate. I’m getting help but I’m relapsing so can I request Dabi x fem teen! Reader platonic who is struggling with this? Ty in advance! Have a nice day!

Dabi With Anorexic Reader (Platonic)

please don't read if you struggle with and E.D and reading about it will do you more harm than good. thx

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: mentions of anorexia, food, being thin, unrealistic weight goals, unhealthy relationship with food, some aggression from Dabi, toxic parents, mental health, trauma

Genre: Comfort??

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 630

Summary: In which Dabi finds out you've been starving yourself and tries to help you out in his own way

[A/N: Helloooooo. This was a tricky one because I can't imagine Dabi being soft and truly very helpful especially since he has his own issues, but I tried my best. Still not that great at writing for Dabi though, so if this triggers you or anything let me know and I'll delete it right away. Hopefully you enjoy it though :) ]

Dabi:

Dabi is blunt, he says things as he sees them and he doesn’t hold back

Having his own problems though, he’s definitely not the person you should go to for help about anything

But you were friends and after noticing how thin you were getting, he had some suspicions

“What’s up with you?” He’d gruffly ask, noticing how sickly you looked

You’d try to play it off, but he pushes you for an answer, he’ll make sure he gets one

You were like a little sister to him, someone he wanted to protect, yet you looked like you were going through a tough time

Knowing he’d never relent unless you give in and express what you’ve been going through, you tell him

“Just trying to lose some weight, no need to be worried”

Yeah, telling him not to worry isn’t gonna cut it. He’s flabbergasted that as thin as you are, you’re saying right to his face that you’re trying to lose weight

For the first time in his life, he tried holding himself back, not wanting to blow up at you because of his worries and possibly make you feel ever worse

But he can’t help it, what exactly is he supposed to do in this situation? Force you to eat? Wouldn’t that make things worse?

He was stunned in silence for a while, trying to collect himself before he said anything he might regret

But like I said, this man is blunt, and as someone who’s younger than him, and treated him like the older brother he always wanted to be, he can’t help but act accordingly

He’s furious as soon as you say you felt this way because of your mother. Why couldn’t parents mind their own business? He sure had his own struggles with parents, not that he wanted to get into that…

But he’s also upset at you for doing such a disservice to yourself, how could you let it get this far? How could HE have let you continue right under his nose without saying anything?

All he knows is he isn’t letting it continue

He’d do whatever he can to help you, which may seem aggressive at first as he refuses to allow you to leave his sight without eating something

He wanted you to know there was a difference between starving yourself and eating healthily

Being thin was one thing, but he wanted you to be healthy yet still being able to fill whatever body ideals you had for yourself in your mind

Perhaps those standards were warped, then he’d try and convince you to be healthier and to aim for a weight that was deemed healthy for someone your age and height

The last thing he’d want if for you too take it to far and to keep lowering your ideal weight since he knows that mental health issues like these get worse over time as you’d never be satisfied with any weight you reached

He hears out your concerns, knowing you’d fight him on a lot of things, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was getting you healthy. He didn’t care if it led you to hating him for the rest of your life, he was used to being alone and hated anyway

But for your sake, he takes things as slow as he can, slowly helping you improve and making you see that there are better ways to stay healthy and have a body that you’d be happy with without putting yourself at risk

So have a little patience with him, he means well. He’d never put this amount of effort in helping anyone, so that just goes to show how precious you are to him–his friend, someone who accepted him as he was, he’d make sure to protect you

REQUESTS ARE OPEN (i accept the ones that inspire me to write)

Posted: 10/1/2023

[the-guilty-writer]

A Little Tachy

Request from anon: Hiya, could you possibly do something with Morgan x platonic!bau!reader who has pots, or if your not comfortable just faints? X

Derek Morgan x platonic!BAU!reader

GN!reader

Summary: Reader’s tachycardia is flaring and Morgan helps them through the day

A/N: What a great way to kick off Disability Pride Month!

I don’t have POTS, but I’m educated on the condition. One of the things I believe is important to acknowledge is that not everyone with POTS faints, so while the reader comes close to fainting and it’s implied that they have fainted in the past, the reader does not faint during the fic. This fic contains the symptoms and form of POTS I am most familiar with and hear about most often, but it effects everyone who has it individually.

CW: reader almost faints, reader has tachycardia but specific condition is never stated, liquid IV (yes it deserves a warning)

---

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Your smartwatch went off, disturbing the already awkward silence of the elevator. Quickly, you pressed the button to silence it and looked down at the screen that read a number much too high for your liking. The line on the screen climbed with the elevator. Your vision began to fog at the edges and tightness spread across your chest.

Just a few more floors… you thought to yourself, but even that thought was a little hazy. Your grip weakened ever so slightly on the accessible bar. Please, not first thing in the morning… The doors opened onto the sixth floor.

“-scuse me,” you managed to say to the person blocking your way to the door. They scooted to give you room to escape and you managed to dizzily shuffle out of the elevator and into the familiar hallway. With weak limbs and a foggy head, you sank against the closest wall, breathing rapidly.

Keeping your head lifted felt all too much like a chore, so you tilted it back against the wall and allowed your eyes to close. Instead of trying to control your breathing, you allowed yourself to heave with every exhale; it wasn’t worth the extra energy to try to control the muscles of your diaphragm. The alert on your watch went off again, but it wasn’t worth it to turn it off. The sound was annoying as hell, but you didn’t have the strength to turn it off. It should have been alarming to have someone take your wrist while you were in such a vulnerable position, but the touch was so familiar, you knew who it was without looking.

“Thanks,” you managed to get the entire word out without slurring - a good sign.

Derek Morgan sat down on the floor next to you, sighing. “You need me to take you home?” Your best friend’s voice was filled with sympathy.

Sometimes you hated that he worried about you so much, and other times you were grateful you had someone that cared enough to accompany you on the ground.

“No,” you said, your strength coming back to you. “I’ll be fine in a minute.”

Your heart came down to a normal (but still less-than-ideal) rate. The pain in your chest faded and the dizziness began to clear. Morgan got up first to help pull you to your feet.

“Thanks,” you said, checking your watch to make sure your heart didn't spike.

“You sure you're okay?” He looked at you with concern.

With your heart staying steady, you cracked a smirk. “A little tachy, but okay.”

The joke was bad, but you still managed to pull a smile out of Morgan. “Take it easy today,” he said.

“I will.”

You walked towards the bullpen, your heart rate rising just a bit as it always did when you were on the move. Derek stood in the hall and watched you carefully for any signs of stumbling. It wasn’t until you were safely through the glass doors, surrounded by people that could catch you if you fainted, that he felt it was okay to go down the hall to his office.

---

You had a few dizzy moments and foggy incidents since your initial extreme tachycardic episode in the morning, but nothing too far out of the ordinary: some lightheadedness when you went to turn in some files and needing some deep breaths whenever you reached down into your bag. It wasn’t technically normal, but it was your normal, and you made it work.

Eleven o’clock rolled around, and just like everyone else in the office, you started to crave caffeine to keep you going. The old coffee maker struggled to keep up with the high demand of it's job. A small line had formed for the chance to grab a mug. You were beginning to wonder if you could convince the section chief to budget for an entire coffee bar.

You saw Morgan at the front of the line, taking his sweet time adjusting his coffee to the exact way he liked it. When he turned to leave, he stopped by you at the back of the line.

“Now, what do you think you’re doing?”

“Trying to make sure I don’t fall asleep,” you replied.

He raised his eyebrows, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a packet of liquid IV.

“Morgan…” you whined. “Please?”

He shook his head. “Nope.”

His stubborn attitude was nice, but also annoying. You rolled your eyes a bit, but accepted the packet. “Thanks,” you said with a heavy sigh.

“I’d rather have you passing out because you need a nap than caffeine induced tachycardia,” he said with enough humor to make you smile, but enough seriousness for you to believe him.

You went back to your desk, added the liquid IV to your water and took a sip. It didn't matter what the flavor was, the sharpness of the electrolyte mixture always made you wince at the first taste. “Better than straight up salt packets,” you commented.

Morgan chuckled. “Don't give me any prank ideas.”

“Wouldn't dream of it,” you said, then looked over at the rest of the BAU. “For me at least.”

The two of you shared a smirk before he left the bullpen and you went back to work. The great prank planning would have to wait till later.

---

By the end of the day, you were beyond exhausted. Between your heart rate acting up, a lack of coffee, and actually taking a break for lunch, you didn't get as much work done as you planned. Even Hotch had managed to leave the office before you.

You finished a file and put it on the finished stack, then looked at your to-do stack and sighed. With a weak hand you went to grab one.

“Uh-uh.”

You startled, more alert than you had been for hours, but relaxed when you heard Morgan's familiar laugh.

“Are you trying to send me into a medical episode?” You asked him as he leaned on the edge of your desk.

“Come on,” he didn't answer the question. “I'll drive you home.”

You shook your head. “I've gotta finish-”

“You've gotta sleep.”

With exhausted eyes, you looked back at your friend. His gaze was gentle and caring as always.

After a quiet, “Okay,” he helped you pack up your bag and stand up from your seat. From the time you exited the bullpen, until he helped you into the car, he steadied you through every dizzy episode, kept a light hand on your arm to help you walk straight, and gave you gentle reminders to breathe.

It didn't matter if you were having a good day or a bad day, your best friend would always be there to make sure you got through it.

[stressedbisexualtm]

This Time, I'll Stay

a short desert duo confrontation one-shot set at the end of double life that I wrote in an hour and barely beta read

ALSO! I did imply /r desert duo, but it can be read as platonic... probably (I checked it can I'm just silly)

____________________________________

"What would your secret soulmate think?"

...

"What?"

Unfortunately, this was a regular occurrence. It's not as if Grian never expected for it to come up, but he had not been expecting it at this moment.

"You heard me." Scar's voice is tinged with bitterness as he stares at the floor.

They're standing in the remains of the Red Velvet Keep, the smell of ash and smoke still fresh in their minds. "I don't know what you're on about." He does, though. Grian had been talking about their plans to take out the rest of the server now that they were on red. It vaguely involved a warden and some sort of trap, not that Scar had been listening anyway.

Instead of deflecting it like he usually does, which Grian would have preferred, Scar's brow furrows. "Yes, you do."

Grian sighs. "Scar, now's really not the time-" "Then when is it the time?" He cuts Grian off, finally moving his gaze from the ground. Grian doesn't really know how to answer that. Ideally, it would never be the time, and they could move on from it like it had never happened. "I- I don't-" he starts to say.

But Scar is steamrolling ahead. "If now's not the time, then when? Because I've been waiting, G, this entire time. But nothing! No, 'oh by the way Scar I'm cheating on you with someone else's soulmate'," he spits out in a poor imitation of Grian's voice. "No, 'hey, I don't love you, leave me alone so I can hang out with BigB,' absolutely nothing! I've been trying to talk to you, but every time it's 'not now Scar' or 'I don't know what you're talking about' or-" His voice cracks, and Grian can imagine his heart cracking a little too. Grian's mouth hangs open lamely.

"Scar, I... I just need you to trust me on this." He whispers. Scar lets out a laugh with no mirth in it. "Trust ? I just need to trust you? Oh, that's rich coming from you." He smiles, all jagged edges and crooked corners. "I have done nothing but trust you. And what do I get in return? No trust from your end, I assure you. Just a broken heart and empty pockets to go with all of your broken promises-"

"WELL IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER NOW THAT HE'S DEAD, DOES IT?!" Grian shouts before he can help himself. He's tired of holding it all in. "Pardon me if I'm just the slightest bit frustrated with the man who's been trying (and has succeeded twice!) to kill me all season! Pardon me if I'm not the least bit upset that I wasn't paired with a good friend of mine! That's all he was, mind you! He was a great friend and I killed him and Ren for you!" He points at Scar. Scar tries to speak again, before being cut off by Grian.

"Gods forbid I'm scared that I'll kill you again! And gods forbid I'm afraid to watch you die at all, even if we are linked! I have cared about you all damn season Scar, and I'm not saying that going off with BigB was the best choice, but at least I didn't leave you like Scott did Pearl! I have been here this entire time, even if you hadn't realized it!" He's breathing heavily, and he can feel hands shaking. He's still looking at Scar. Scar, who looks grief-stricken and heart-broken. He almost takes it all back once he sees that look on his soulmate's face. But Scar's face hardens. "Okay." Grian manages to hear him whisper. Scar turns around, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

Even in his angered state, all Grian can see when Scar turns away is a man in a purple cloak, dark against the blinding snow of the mountain.

"Fine, if that's how you want it to be," he had said. And Grian didn't go after him, because it was pointless. Scar was alone, and he was teamed with Joel. So he pushed away the dull pang in his chest and walked away as well.

Grian can't let that happen again. Scar is right here, in front of him, and they weren't really standing that far away in the first place. Grian grabs Scar's hand before he gets too far away. He doesn't look at Scar, afraid of what he'll do, but he does hear the man freeze. Grian isn't looking, but Scar is. He's looking the way Grian had lightly tangled their fingers together, an invitation to stay with the freedom to leave.

There are tears running down his cheeks in earnest now, and he can spot a few on Grian's as well. He's still upset - about the secret soulmates, about Grian lying to him, about the argument they just had. But he's not going to let this go. So he holds Grian's hand tighter and pulls him I'm close. They're holding onto each other for dear life. " 'M sorry," Grian mumbles onto Scar's shirt in between sobs. "I never meant for it to- to be-" he breaks off.

"It's okay," Scar says, even though he knows it isn't, and Grian knows it too. Even if it isn't okay, they need to be strong enough to win. "...I do love you," Grian whispers. "I promise I never stopped loving you, even when I was hanging out with BigB." And Scar sighs. "I know," he says. He did know, and he knew the whole time, even if he didn't want to admit it to himself. Because why would someone leave if they loved you? He doesn't have the answer to that. Maybe he will one day.

And when he dies, he thinks he can hear Grian's whispered "I'm sorry,"  through their broken soulbound.

[likeadevils]

Rank Taylor songs which are titled starting with The?

a lot of these probably change day by day but for right now:

The Archer (song of all time cried for four hours listening to this on repeat the day it was released and almost cancelled plans with friends because i didn’t think my mood could recover)

The Black Dog (i’ve said it before but platonic ideal of a taylor swift song. woman has a talent for revealing heartbreak in small everyday moments that seem simultaneously intensely specific to one person but are in fact universal)

the 1 (don’t have words for how good this song is because like. it’s just self evident. it’s a good song)

The Story Of Us (you ever see me listening to this and the plagues from the prince of egypt on repeat assume i am plotting murder)

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived (the BRIDGE?)

The Bolter (avoidant attachment style representation!!!!!!!)

The Outside (i feel like it’s revealing how high this made it on the list)

The Best Day (again just self evidently a good song idk what to say)

The Last Time (fun fact one of my dad’s favorite taylor swift songs. so. i guess this is the parent part of the list)

The Way I Loved You (BOP. BOP OF ALL TIME. FEARLESS DESERVES SO MICH MORE LOVE IN THIS FANDOM)

the lakes (good song!)

the last great american dynasty (if i can be evil for a second. i knew this was about her house the second she said “rhode island set”. so there’s my intensely niche intensely weird spot of pride)

The Manuscript (the perfect way to end the album tbh)

The Prophecy (“a lesser woman would’ve lost hope. a greater woman wouldn’t beg.” is one of her best lyrics it’s understated it’s efficient it packs a hell of a punch good job taylor)

The Great War (DISEL IS DESIRE YOU WERE PLAYING WITH FIRE)

The Very First Night (bop. lyrics make no sense but i forgive her because they make me chuckle)

The Other Side Of The Door (i will never turn down taylor ranting)

The Lucky One (might be my favorite intros of hers. like just production wise? gets me hooked every time)

The Moment I Knew (good song. ajay’s reaction to this means everything to me. personally don’t listen to it a ton)

The Albatross (again i like it i just dont listen to it a ton. but the verses are fantastic)

The Man (a weird case because most of the time i actively dislike it but i’ll listen to the bridge sometimes because like i said, will never shun a taylor rant)

The Tortured Poets Department (i don’t. like this song. i dont dislike it. but its a skip)

The Alchemy (again i don’t like. dislike it? it’s just kinda there.)

[frostise]

🐶 + 🦒

𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒   ┇   accepting ♡

🐶 ---- Does your muse get excited easily? Is there someone (or particular people) that make them excited?

louise is a hard person to appease as far as i can tell. if anyone is going to fit her ideal type—be it platonic or romantic—they better be ready for a hot pursuit. there's far too many characters to name that make her feel a certain type of way. so i'm sticking with plastique (bette sans souci), firehawk (lorraine reilly) and deadshot (floyd lawton) as the three primary examples of louise's genuine crushes, obsessions and sexual interests based on canon evidence.

the first person she had a crush on was plastique when she was beginning her criminal career. frost was pretty expressive and shameless in her pursuit, yet backed away whenever bette displayed disinterest. they barely knew each other and kf was already in awe of her upon their first meeting after she got saved and plastique 'killed' firestorm. she seemed to get over the abrupt rejection and went after firehawk who was sorta similar to bette in terms of their appearances.

the thing that stands out to me the most is that killer frost always had a thing for redheads because she also flirted with firehawk and these were tough women on opposite sides of the law. arguably enough, louise was in a mourning state and probably wanted a distraction away from the inducing pain she felt from crystal's death.

unlike with bette, louise unleashed her sadism onto firehawk and it was more about trying to snuff the flames rather than pursue an actual love interest. she developed a weird, hate obsessive streak and it's mainly rooted with the fact firehawk was allies with firestorm. the only excitement is just the thrill of the kill and the thought of firestorm being devastated by his friend's death. plus, firehawk's blue flames trigger a euphoric response from louise since she thrives on heat source. blue fire burns the hottest does it not?

next we have deadshot. a great example of a healthy friendship she had in the comics. no matter what race he was depicted as, they're shown to be close friends in the suicide squad. floyd and frost had a knack for killing people, their banters were on point and even wholesome at times (in their own twisted way) and more importantly she holds floyd to a high regard when it comes down to their contract jobs. later in the suicide squad run she expressed sexual interest towards him and offered to hook up when they knew each other for a long time, but he turned her down because he didn't see her that way. she took it well and moved on rather quickly. they are still close friends to this day.

in conclusion, louise prefers intelligent, strong-willed, witty and stoic characters. if the person she's interested in is a redhead then it makes her sexually excited. she won't bother them if they show signs of disdain. with heroes like firehawk, frost will never hold back from being a creep. there's been times where she would be disrespectful on purpose and cause firehawk discomfort. i would call this 'one-sided mock flirting' at best. it's the sole reason why i don't like shipping frost with heroic characters because she will be the most unhinged bitch you've ever seen lmfao

🦒 ---- How does your muse feel about height? Do they like their height or are they ashamed of it?

her height makes her incredibly insecure because she got chubby as a teenager from eating fast food and suffered from body issues from how much of a fat slob she felt, which was accompanied by chubby short legs and muffin top pouring out whenever she wore tight jeans. it was obvious because of her shortness. even sucking her stomach in or wearing baggy clothes couldn't prevent from being viewed as a 'bloated beach ball' if you will.

louise got bullied by the popular girls in her school and developed low self esteem issues ever since. unfortunately it's how she got obsessed into incorporating workout routines everyday by playing sports such as netball or tennis until she finally slipped into the ideal image society wanted her to be: petite and adorable with a trim figure. nobody wants a chubby pig for a friend. it's been ingrained into her brain ever since.

most of the time louise wears high heels, platform shoes and boots with thick soles to seem taller than she actually is. loves to tower over people (mostly the men) when it comes to staircases. it's all about the power trip she receives from it, growing tired of getting picked on or underestimated just because she's 5'3''. she stopped growing the moment she hit her teenagehood and had to make up for her lack of intimidation in appearance by resorting to boosting her personality up. even before her criminal career she felt powerless and unheard among others.

living in nyc isn't for the weak willed and as a result to that, become louder than the city ever could be and i mean that in a "you listen to me! not the bustling of the city streets and cars passing us by!" kind of typical nyc attitude. it worked for her and others would usually notice her volume first before her height came in second place.

i would also like to incorporate that louise stands on her tippy toes whenever she's angry without even realising it until someone pokes fun at her for it. it's funny af.

[jasontoddiefor]

I absolutely adore your Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sanren just being friends posts so much because my personal theory is that they were great friends and people were weird about platonic-male female relationships and shitty about how a beautiful, renowned women married someone insignificant in their eyes. It’s so nice and refreshing and I’m tired of the whole he’s creepy and obsessed with a dead woman instead of his two best friend died and he’s trying to give their son a good life. Let the man be complex! Is he is a great parent? No, but he was arguably a better dad than attic wifer and lecher, a C level parent and someone who was kind to common folk and let their kids play with his disciples, that making him into this villain character that’s either super creepy and gross or apathetic and completely neglectful and letting Madam Yu do inhumane abuses in front of him without retort is so weird.

Sorry for the tangent, I just love you having a platonic friendship of two souls both a little bit in awe of each other’s worlds. Let him be a lowkey depressed man with his two best friends gone and dead and is now just trying his best to be a good Sect Leader and still failing at times. Let him have some complexity.

Anon you made my day with this ask.

Like, I think the "grieves the idealized version of someone he loved (romantically)" is fine, like, whatever, but it's also kinda basic?

And if they were genuine platonic friends only, it would also add to the narrative IMO? MDZS very much works on a "things left unsaid and left unacknowledged" kind of theme, and a friendship that isn't allowed to be seen as such would fit just right in. From what we see, JFM is a very mild man as well, so of course there'd be questions, misunderstandings and such messy ugly rumors.

And I think the fandom also just generally exaggerates JFM? Like while reading and watching either adaption, I mostly got a sense that this is a man who has resigned himself to living alongside his wife and mostly doesn't know how to parent any of his kids in a way that doesn't infuriate YZY so he decided that being more hands off in general is better. But not this mess of obsessive to neglectful?

Like, thos interpretations can be fun, love me a good dark fic, but that's just not what canon gives me?

But yeah!!! you're right!!! Let him be a lowkey depressed man with his two best friends gone and dead and is now just trying his best to be a good Sect Leader and still failing at times.

Also here take a snippet of friendship bc I couldn't find much on AO§:

Cangse Sanren knocks on his door until Jiang Fengmian drags himself out of bed. He doesn’t know it is her or he wouldn’t have answered the door in his sleeping robes. She doesn’t notice, of course she doesn’t, and Jiang Fengmian is relieved that nobody else is up this early.

If he didn’t know any better, he’d claim Cangse Sanren only got up early to spite Lan Qiren and his expectations of her, but she came with the habit.

“Fengmian, I need you to go shopping with me,” she declares boldly. He knows that her expectation is now, although most shops won’t open for another two hours most likely. She probably wants to go exploring the area early – and ditch the disciples accompanying him, except maybe Wei Changze. She behaves even stranger around him and Jiang Fengmian is glad to have finally found something to tease Wei Changze about.

“And why do I need to go with you?”

“I need someone to tell me when the sellers are ripping me off!”

He knows that she has gotten a much better understanding of average prices now, and doesn’t have the heart to tell her that he knows as little about the prices of average street food stalls as her. Sect heirs, generally speaking, do not go shopping in the places Cangse Sanren finds her most favorite trinkets.

Still, she grins at him and Jiang Fengmian finds himself smiling back. He kicks her out of his room to get dressed, for his sense of propriety more than hers. Cangse Sanren has a rather tolerant view on partial nudity, even to a Yunmeng native. He considers waking another disciple to tell them that it is not last night’s curse that made him disappear, but settles on writing a quick note instead.

“Where are we going?” he asks Cangse Sanren the moment they’re out of the door.

She grins again, tellingly, and takes him by the hand to drag him into a street of craftsmen he’d have never seen without her. She hardly shuts up, praising every piece of art, the food, and Jiang Fengmian whenever he points out a piece of jewelry that would be particularly unpractical for nighthunting. Most of them look like gifts one of Jin Guangshan’s terrible cousins had tried to give her.

He thinks it’s the closest he’ll get to having a sister, but he’ll keep that thought quiet, least of all it betrays something else.

[ohsocheesiness]

Played both Cyberpunk 2077 Phantom Liberty Endings

Both are super good in my opinion for V, Reed, and So Mi. Needed somewhere to post my thoughts.

My Natural Instinct

I did not trust So Mi at all, bro. Even from the beginning.. the thing with the chimera was suspect. Disappearing like that after I saved myers... idk bro. However, I do empathize with her circumstances. She's stuck somewhere where she's being abused. She's dying and she just wants to be free.

Don't trust Myers, but seemed the type to keep her end of the deal.

I didn't necessarily trust Reed either, but I believed in him. A man of principle who stuck by his team and country even if they did him dirty. I felt like So Mi only fake cared about me, but I felt like Reed truly did care about me and my life. He saw V as another of his comrads to protect. However, I knew it was his government that he'd unfortunately follow till his wheels deteriorated.

Following Reed

I believed that Reed 100% wanted to help So Mi escape. I told So Mi I only kind of trusted her and that I think Reed wants what's best for her.

Gameplay wise I think it's cool that following the FIA turned into a freaking horror survival game lmfao. I love the secret agent style shit in PL

Anyway, only in this ending do we learn that ROGUE AI are basically attacking her and using her as a fucking link to the physical world through the real net. She mentioned she felt like somebody was over her shoulder her whole time. It was THEM. I wonder what Alt would've had to say about it if I asked her tbh.

In the end though, there was a great moment with So Mi who was at her end. I had a save point and played out both instances if I killed her or if I let Reed take her. I don't really remember what my first instinct was to do... but after knowing both endings it would've been best just to kill her and give her freedom man. However, saving her gives us a bit more to Reed's character.

Reed is freaking depressed bro lmfao. He is the one keeping so mi in chains. He is the one locked in chains. He knows he's just a dog, enslaved to ideals he doesn't think truly matters, but it's all he has. The only thing he can do is lean into it, despite knowing it's flaws. "All that matters is that So Mi is still living." I think that's why Reed never comes suicide despite seeming so empty, he's strong enough to carry everything.. it's his duty even.

Ofc I accepted the offer to save my life, it made sense to me that they could really help and that Reed would do right by me.

FUCKING HURT ME that Johnny had to get destroyed so abruptly like that. I know he didn't want it. He accepted it though, his true death. Just Rogue and V being his last remnants of life in NC.

If you tell Reed thanks, he says something like "there's nothing to thank me for, V" and leaves, head hung down. Another life Reed took and ruined. Got So Mi on life support, enslaved by Myers, Alex killed, V some kind of wonky life so different than before. Coma for 2 years.

Also my Panam romance 💔💔💔💔 damnit! Panam is definitely the type to fucking be done with it cause she thinks I broke her heart but dang. Wish somebody would've went through my contacts and gave them the heads up 😐 but I LOVE what happened to Judy after this. She deserved the peace man. She's such a cool homie if you guys are platonic.

Following So Mi

I tried to play a lot more empathetic with So Mi and her circumstances, instead of just it being mutually beneficial. V was the only one who can understand what was happening to her.

& Since I played this second, I felt guilty asking her to use the black wall to hack shit and kill people while we were escaping from Hansen's spot. It's lowkey best to play this ending as a netrunner. You help So Mi a lot more directly.

So Mi is really just like V, kind of. She just wants to live, so she'll betray and lie to her friends and simply just have to feel bad about it afterwards. For the most part, V won't sell out to a corp, but So Mi kind of sold out her friends. Her character flaw I guess.

This is also the only ending where a diologue option will tell you MR BLUE EYES is the one who contacted her for NUSA info and hooked her up with a deal to get to the moon! This is the only time i remember hearing about him before you do the Sun ending. He definitely a major player in the next game and there's something he's trying to do involving space. Which is why i assume he sends V on a mission to the crystal palace.

Anyway, So Mi eventually reveals that she was lying to me the whole time. She knew it was only a one use kind of deal.... prick. But I told her I would've helped her anyway if she just told me.. which maybe I would've tbh.

I carried her to the rocket thing. Reed was waiting for you. You two are at odds now and he means business. He lowkey tries to butter you up about protecting So Mi, but call him on his bullshit. Then he switches up, he wants to take care in to answer for her crimes. I said I didn't want to have to shoot him. He said "neither do i" 🥹 but yea I popped his ass after he gave me no choice. In a certain regard I was happy he found peace. Killing reed is the best thing to do in this ending 100%

You hook So Mi in the rocket to the moon and talk with Johnny as you two watch her go into space. Real.

Wait long enough you get a mysterious message to go find a package. The package has evidence that So Mi is alive on the moon. Very cool! She lives in this ending. And she's free. I was actually super happy about that tbh.

Also with this ending, Alex lives. PL tried to give you a relationship with her... in the ending where she dies I was sad about it but got over it. In this ending where she lives you get another chance to chat with her. She calls you up to the bar and basically wants to ask about Reed's last moments and to say goodbye. I really liked Alex's character and appreciated this goodbye.

A while after this, you get a postcard on your megabuilding apartment door from Morocco. Alex is free too. A very good ending. Now it's up to V to find out how to survive (lol)

Which is better?

You get to see into So Mi's past with the first ending. First hand. You get some conversations with Reed that give him more depth, but So Mi either dies or might as well have died. Reed lives on avoiding his very clear regret, but may have found purpose. If you choose to take the help here V becoming just another face in the crowd... a bit of a shame if you played into the 'become a night city legend' but kind of deep and real considering now he has a new life, but had to go through a lot and lose a lot on the way.

With the second ending, Alex and So Mi live & them and Reed are free from being dogs to the NUSA government. You get your farewells... at least somebody gets a happy ending. With this, you also get your farewell with Johnny in one of the base endings. You can digest the weight of a life and choosing your own way to go. There's some moments in this, the conversations inbetween, in big fights, hand in hand with So Mi that make this worth while. Digesting it all with Johnny means a lot too.

So idk