#they deserve a fucking beach vacation or something give those three a break

[moldisgoodforyou]

i’ll be waiting (part one)

disclaimer: this would never actually happen and is NOT canon to my lil charlie & jj verse that I’ve created. but I needed to get it out of my system. 

part two here!

warning: cursing, breakups

wordcount: 1.6k

____

She was supposed to be enjoying her vacation, but instead she was doing anything but. Three million thoughts raced through Charlie’s mind as she sat out on the porch of her family’s rental house in Savannah, staring out on the beach. It was supposed to be one last vacation with the Walker family all together before she moved all the way across the country to work in Berkeley, California. 

“What’s going on, Charlotte? You’ve been spaced out all week. We’re supposed to be celebrating your graduation.” Her dad interrupted her thoughts as he stepped out of the house. 

“Nothing.” She barely got out, her voice cracking. 

As she glanced up with teary eyes, he frowned right away and took a seat next to her on the steps. He nudged his knee against hers. “Tell me what’s wrong, Charlie.” 

She fidgeted with the hem of her sleeve as she spoke. “I think I need to break up with JJ.” 

Her dad reeled in shock, leaning away for a moment. “You need to - what did he do?” 

“Nothing. That’s the problem. He’s perfect.” She sighed, burying her face in her hands. 

He wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders. “Talk to me, kid. I don’t understand.” 

She lifted her head after a moment, leaning into his touch. “I just...I don’t think I’ll be able to be there for him like I should. After I move, I’m going to be so busy with work, and the time zones, and it’s expensive to come all the way home or for him to visit and -” 

“Hey, hey, slow down.” Her dad chided gently. “You’re scared?” 

She nodded, tearing up again. “I’m scared. He deserves better. It’s not fair to him.” 

He frowned, squeezing her shoulder. “You think he feels the same way?” 

“No, not at all. He’s going to hate me.” 

He laughed. “He won’t hate you, the boy is in love with you.” 

“He will!” She cried out, nudging him away. “But I need to do this, I can’t hold him back. He needs someone that can be there for him, all the time.” She sighed, a look of defeat crossing her face. “And I can’t do that.” 

Her dad dropped his arm from her shoulders, shaking his head. “I don’t think you’re right about this, kiddo, but if you’re really meant for each other, it’ll work out.” He got up, knowing she was too stubborn to change her mind once she had a set idea in her head. “Just make sure you’re absolutely sure about it, okay?” 

“I know.” She nodded. “Can...can you just tell mom to give me some space today?” 

“Your mom’s gonna be heartbroken about this.” He joked, trying to ease the tension a little. 

Charlie just shook her head, resigned. “It’s not going to be easy.” 

“It won’t, you’re right. So just make sure.” Her dad left her with those parting words, heading back inside. 

_

A day later, she called JJ, her stomach twisting in knots just as she dialed. She had hardly texted him throughout the week, trying to distance herself to make the call marginally easier on both ends. JJ picked up right away as she expected, his voice bright. “Hi Charlie! How’s vacation?” 

“It’s good. Um. Are you busy?” She tried keeping her voice neutral as possible. 

“No, what’s up? I miss you.” He replied, some concern seeping into his tone. 

“I - oh god.” She breathed out, deciding to just rip off the bandaid. “I need to talk. And I just want you to listen. Please.” 

Back in his room in Columbia, JJ slowly sat on the edge of his bed, completely unaware of what was about to hit him. “Okay...what’s wrong, sweetheart?” 

Just hearing the pet name was like a stab to the heart, a reminder she would never hear that again if she followed through with it. But apprehension still clouded her brain and Charlie pushed forward, steeling herself. “I...I think we should break up.” 

Silence. 

JJ’s knuckles on the hand wrapped around his phone grew white and he just stared ahead, not believing his ears. Charlie bit her lip so hard she drew blood as she waited for his response, tearing up as she braced herself. After a couple minutes, she spoke again. “J, please say something.” 

Her words shook him out of his trance - no, he felt like he was living a fucking nightmare. Or a cruel joke. “You don’t think that.” 

She frowned, knowing he would protest. “I do.” Charlie heard the jingle of keys in the background, and stomps down the familiar creaky Beta house stairs. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m coming to Savannah.” JJ replied firmly, his other hand curled in a fist so tightly he was shaking. 

“No, J - that’s two and a half hours, and it’s getting dark, that’s not safe -” she pleaded, but was cut off quickly. 

“No. I’m coming to Savannah and I’m going to talk to you, in person, because you’re clearly fucking delusional right now.” JJ bit out, a harsh edge to his tone. 

“J. Please.” She was clearly crying now, anyone could hear it through the phone. 

“I’ll see you soon.” He hung up on her, determined. Surely she didn’t mean it. She was drunk, or high, or on molly or possessed by a fucking demon. He grasped at any explanation to understand why Charlie could possibly say that, but came up empty. He nearly bent the key as he jammed it into the ignition, driving out of the parking lot feeling a range of emotions. Two and a half hours was just enough time for him to come up with an argument to convince her otherwise, he decided. 

Down in Savannah, Charlie stared at her phone that was now covered with her tears, disbelieving of the conversation that just occurred. That was exactly what she didn’t want to happen - but also exactly what she expected would happen. Of course JJ wouldn’t accept no for an answer, he was going to make her say it to his face. So she took an unsteady seat out on the edge of the dock and waited - following his tiny dot on the Find My Friends app the entire way there to ensure he made it safely.  

He made it in two hours and five minutes, foot like lead on the gas the entire way as he zoned out. (It was a miracle he wasn’t pulled over.) He pulled up to her house, parked, and slammed the door loud enough that she could hear the echo from down on the dock. Charlie didn’t dare turn around, knowing she would give in the second she saw him. 

JJ stormed down the dock toward her, stopping a few feet away. “Charlie.” 

She took a deep breath, swallowing hard, then slowly turned. “JJ…”

His face was unreadable. “I thought you loved me, Charlie.” 

She bit her lip hard, trying her best to keep her composure. “I do love you, J. That’s why I’m doing this.” 

He threw up his hands in exasperation, angry. “That doesn’t make any fucking sense! Talk to me!”  

She cracked at his yelling, tears starting to stream down her face. “I - I don’t think I can do it, with long distance. I can’t be there for you like I should.” 

JJ crossed his arms, though he wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort her. “Well I’ll be excellent at long distance. So why does it matter? We’ll call, and facetime, and we can visit each other too.” 

“It’s not the same, JJ!” She hiccuped, pressing the heels of her palms hard against her eyes. He took the moment to step forward, going to wrap his arms around her  - but she stepped out of his reach. That was enough to crack his anger. 

“Charlie.” He faltered just on her name and swallowed hard. “Work with me, sweetheart, please. I’ll do anything, we can make it through this.” He pleaded brokenly. As she shook her head, his face crumpled and he allowed a few tears to fall. 

“I’m sorry, J, I really am.” She apologized, blinking hard. 

“Can I just -” He started forward again, arms outreached. She took a hesitant step forward, gently slipping her arms around his waist, and he wrapped her in a tight hug, starting to shake as he cried harder. He buried his face in her hair as he cried, trying to take in every last second of the hug. 

She clung to him, nuzzling her face into the base between his neck and his shoulder. “Please don’t cry, hon. This only makes it harder.” 

“My girl is leaving me,” he muttered. “How would it be any easier?” 

“I don’t - I don’t know.”  She mumbled, tears streaming down her face. 

He just held her tighter. 

Charlie lifted her head to meet his eyes, trying to take in his piercing look. “I can’t be here for you, J. This is it. You deserve better.” 

“Fuck that.” He shook his head insistently. “I hardly deserve you as it is.” He pressed a firm kiss to her lips, needy. “I love you, Charlie.” 

She barely puckered her lips back, trying to keep her resolve. “I love you too. Always.” With that, she stepped out of his grip, though JJ fought it. “I should go.” 

“I’ll be right here.” He promised. “When you change your mind, I’ll be waiting.” 

Charlie nodded, biting her lip as she took in the sight of him, illuminated by the moonlight. “I’m so sorry.” 

He shook his head, unwilling to hear it. “I’ll be waiting.” 

With that she walked away, leaving behind the better half of her heart - completely shattered. 

[zigtheeortega]

PLATINUM WEEKEND PLAYLIST

in a spurt of energy i decided to finish the playlist i’d been working on for a while! this turned into a raleigh playlist, and i’m a little sorry about it but not really :/ this playlist is nsfw and all of the descriptions are under the cut! [there’s a line separating the spanish-language songs’ explanations]

1. anywhere

we can make love on the bedroom / floating on top of my waterbed / i'm kissing you / running my fingers through your hair / in the hallway / making our way beside the stairs / we can do it anywhere

most singers are influenced by their predecessors, so i have no doubt that raleigh listened to old r&b groups and practiced lead vocals, background vocals, & harmonies to them in the shower. this one stands out to me because i think it captures just the right amount of smooth sensual energy that raleigh exudes at all times. 112 is immaculate and no doubt one of raleigh’s favs.

2. nasty

promise I'ma give it to you like you never had it / i do it so good, it's gon' be hard to break the habit / you're like a whole constellation / swimming like you on vacation / promise i'm still gonna love you when you wake up in the a.m.

you can’t convince me that raleigh didn’t listen to ariana’s album when it dropped and went absolutely wide eyed when they heard these lyrics like “she really went there...” – but then it became a staple of every ~secret playlist to do the horizontal polka to~ 

3. sex money feelings die

all my lights off when i wake up / tears under my makeup / your lips will stay shut / wanna wake up, break up / i don't wanna think about, think about you / drink up, drink up / i'm so fucked up / all i want is you / no, i don't wanna think about, think about you / sex money feelings die / baby don't you cry

so this is the song i’ve latched onto for my mc dom. i have a headcanon (i think i’ve said it on main a lot, and i’ve even made edits for it) that after the breakup, which everyone else thinks is real, but they think is fake, but is actually real, dom drives to the studio super late at night and just belts out the lyrics while sobbing just to get them off of her shoulders. and it accidentally becomes a hit! which makes raleigh feel even more like shit 

4. facetime

back up all that shit you talking / facetimin' my baby tonight, oh / bet you wanna cop a feel / bet you wonder if it's real / facetimin' my baby tonight / and when you coming home / i'm gon' give you all of my love / i'm gon' put it on you / i said ooh you a hell of a drug

not to get too in detail but raleigh is an ~active~ individual, so i have no doubt that during long tours, they’re facetiming mc for some quality time. and this one’s just sensual and sweet like raleigh’s relationship is so!  

5. only 1

i know all the competition that's after you / so i get to thinking, is this too good to be true? / i can't, be your, only one / no i can't, be your only one / 'cause you look twice as good as anyone i ever met / and your love is three times better / how could anyone forget? / as I'm layin' down, with you every night / it still gets to me, that you remain by my side / i ain't saying that i'm not deservin' of you / but i was dreaming, bigger than i ever knew

raleigh’s convinced they don’t deserve someone as good as the mc and this for sure seems to be one of those songs that they heard when ari’s album dropped and they were like “jeez this is sappy” then they turn out to relate to it super hard like the clown they are

6. kissin’ on my tattoos

now i ain't ever been the jealous type of guy / but i want you to myself, i can't lie / i know we ain't on no one on one thing / but baby, it should change / 'cause when i be out with other chicks i be thinking 'bout you / and when you be out on dates you be texting me too / i don't want nobody but you / kissin' on my tattoos / i don't want nobody but me / talkin' to you / until you fall asleep / we better stop playing (we better stop playing) / before we mess around and someone gets hurt

now this... this is THE quintessential raleigh song for me. like when i think of raleigh this is THE first song that comes to mind. the entire song beginning to end is raleigh singing about mc. like i am convinced if this existed in their universe, they ghostwrote it for mc. genuinely the MOST raleigh song in existence and i cannot be convinced otherwise

7. life of an outlaw

not gonna put the lyrics but this would absolutely be on one of raleigh’s playlists that they play pre-concert to get hyped up, or a workout playlist. i just feel it in my bones that their fav music is from the 90′s ok

8. watch ‘n’ learn

i'ma do it, do it, do it / on the bed, on the floor, on the couch / only 'cause your lips say make it to my mouth / just because i can't kiss back / doesn't mean you can't kiss that / baby all i need / all doing on me / like you aimed to please / show me how much you mean it / by the way that you please me, baby

another song on their freaky deeky playlist ! i know raleigh’s prob tried to get with rihanna at least once in their lives

9. freaky girls

i'ma be your freak any time or place, any day of the week / said i'ma let you hit it, i ain't scared, i ain't shy, it's cool with me 

yet ANOTHER song on their freaky deeky playlist ! sorry im not taking this more seriously im just daydreaming ab the songs that raleigh would add to their secret playlists

10. thinkin’ bout you

thinking bout ya, dreaming bout ya / i don't wanna be without ya / pillow talking, heaven walking / been about ya, still about ya / you ain't gotta worry bout it, baby girl, you know i got you / drinking out the bottle to deal with all my problems like / i should call / i thought i had the right one the last time around

god this is post breakup raleigh through and through. i have a hc that raleigh ghostwrites a lot of songs for people especially ones that fuck with their brand – they collabed on this with micah and a popular rapper and micah was like :/ come on now raleigh i KNOW who this is about

11. un-thinkable

moment of honesty / someone's gotta take the lead tonight, who's it gonna be? / i'm gonna sit right here and tell you all that comes to me / if you have something to say, you should say it right now / you give me a feeling that i never felt before / and i deserve it, i think i deserve it / it's becoming something that's impossible to ignore / and i can't take it / i know you said to me / this is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be

raleigh’s confession!!!!!!!! lord this reminds me of when they were on the beach together just talking and vibing – or really any time that they took

12. kiss it better

been waiting on that sunshine / boy, I think I need that back / can't do it like that / no one else gonna get it like that / man, fuck your pride, just take it on back, boy / take it on back boy, take it back all night / what are you willing to do? / oh, tell me what you're willing to do? / kiss it, kiss it better, baby

i think raleigh would cover this omg and maybe im biased bc it’s my fav song of all time but it just exudes raleigh energy!! plus i think this might be on their freaky deeky playlist LMAO

13. unrequited love

lost in the flames of love / unrequited love / time won't always heal / and it eats at my mind / because you're the one that got away / sometimes i feel alone / tried to hold my breath / somewhere deep in space / and i felt like you understood / what it truly means to be in love / now i'm wide open, it's so hard to focus / now that it's the end, i guess you'll always be / the one that got away

you know raleigh was super in their feelings after the breakup – i don’t think they knew how fast they’d fall for the mc. even if they didn’t admit it out loud, i think they were convinced they wouldn’t find someone like the mc again. anyways this song is sad as hell

14. you’re mine

come a little closer / let me tell you something / eat your ego honey / honey swallow your pride / i spotted you the second you walked in the building / i knew that you had let me get you high / i wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening / no one's gonna save you / use you up and break you / i'm the one who plagues you every night / 'cause you're mine.

so the song itself is ab a toxic relationship, but tbh i can picture my mc dom and raleigh singing this duet on stage together and the chemistry would be absolutely off the charts oh my god. 

––––

[disclaimer, i do not speak spanish, but i grew up listening to it and a lot of them have a lot of significance to me – i hope the rough translations i found online will do! some of them are very rough so i’ll just put the spanish lyrics]

so with all of these spanish songs im convinced that raleigh would cover any of these! most of them are really romantic and have the same vibe as what i imagine raleigh would have !! not gonna do a lot of explaining here because i think this explanation speaks for itself

15. viento

préstame tu peine / y péiname el alma / desenrédame / fuera de este mundo / dime que no / estoy sonándote / enséñame / de que estamos hechos.

lend me your comb / and comb my soul / untangle me / away from this world / tell me i'm not / dreaming of you / show me / what we’re made of

16. visita

que no es gusto, no es mi voluntad / que es lo que te digo / que aunque no me veas yo voi a estar / siempre contigo / la semana me parte en dos / de viernes a domingo / tu visita me repara cuando nos conecta entonces / quiero que te vengas a vivir, todos los dias conmigo

do not have a translation that makes a lot of grammatical sense for this one, but it’s generally about wanting to be closer to each other and move in together rather than visiting! it’s a really sweet song and the distance aspect reminds me of raleigh and mc

17. te quiero

te quiero / no, ya no me llores / no me vayas a hacer / llorar a mí / dame, dame tu mano / intentalo, mi niña / quiero verte reir / necesito verte / donde quiera que estes / te quiero, te quiero, te quiero / y no hago otra cosa / que pensar en ti / solo vivo y respiro / para ti 

i love you / no, don’t cry for me anymore / don’t make me cry / give me, give me your hand / try, my darling / i want to see you laughing / i need to see you / wherever you are / i love you, i love you, i love you / i don’t do anything else / than thinking about you / i only live and breath / for you

imagining raleigh singing this for mc......... swoooooon

18. maría

not offering a translation, but it’s a sad song that i think raleigh would potentially cover!

19. efímera

nos miramos a través del cuerpo y la piel / se conectaron nuestras almas / es que tus ojos de miel deslumbran mi ser / cuando la oscuridad me atrapa / cuando me besas / me siento en otra parte / me hierve la sangre / me derrite el corazón

we saw each other through our bodies and skin / our souls connected / its cause your honey colored eyes dazzle my being / when the darkness traps me / when you kiss me / i feel like i’m in another place / my blood boils / it melts my heart

“it’s like every song i’ve ever written was about you” this is one of em for sure

20. obsesion

son las cinco de la mañana y no he dormido nada / pensado en tu belleza en loco voy a parar / el insomnio es me castigo, tu amor será mi alivio / y hasta que no seas mía, no viviré en paz

it’s five in the morning and i haven’t slept at all / thinking bout your beauty, i’m gonna end up crazy / insomnia is my punishment, your love will be my relief / and until you’re mine, i will not live in peace

raleigh and mc would duet this!!!! the lyrics themselves aren’t really about their relationship but i think the vocals would be perfect for them

21. quiero ver

quiero ver tu risa todo el día / escuchar la melodía de tu voz / quisiera ser el brillo de tus ojos / el peine que desnuda tu esplendor / la esquina que te ve cuando caminas / y quiero ser tu último dolor / te pido que me cures esta herida / yo sé muy bien que no es tu obligación / tan sólo si amortiguas mi caída / será mi salvación

i want to see your smile all day / listen to the melody of your voice / i wish i could be the brightness of your eyes / the comb that undresses your splendor / the corner that sees you when you walk / i want to be your last pain / i ask you to heal this wound / i know very well it’s not your obligation / just only if you cushion my fall / it’ll be my salvation

this one makes me so soft oh my god and its another “it’s like every song i’ve ever written was about you” type of song

22. más que tu amigo

es un secreto / que tan solo quiero compartir / con esos ojos / que le han dado luz a mi vivir / y en esta noche no hay más luna / que como tú me alumbre más / que en mi alma crece una fortuna / por tanta dicha que me das / te quiero, te quiero / se oye en mi pecho / es el grande amor que me has hecho / latido a latido / te siento conmigo / yo quiero ser más que tu amigo

it is a secret / i just want to share / with those eyes / that give me light to live / and tonight there is no more moon / that shines on em as brightly as you do / in my soul grows a fortune / for such happiness that you bring me / i love you, i love you / you can hear in my chest / it’s the great love you’ve made me / heartbeat to heartbeat / i feel you with me / i want to be more than your friend

god i can just imagine them singing this to mc teasingly during their fake relationship and she’s like “sounds pretty i love your voice” but it’s really a confession AHHH

23. peligroso pop

no explanation on this one either! i just think this spanglish song would no doubt be on a playlist of raleigh’s !!! i’m also imagining raleigh dancing to this or going to this artists’ concert or something. idk it just reminds me of him !!!

24. eres

aquí estoy a tu lado / y espero aquí sentado hasta el final / no te has imaginado / lo que por tí esperado, pues eres / lo que yo amo en éste mundo, eso eres / cada minuto lo que pienso, eso eres / lo que más cuido en este mundo, eso eres

here i am by your side / and i’ll wait here, sitting, until the end / you haven’t imagined / what i’ve waited for you, because you are / what i love in this world, that’s what you are / every minute in what i think, that’s what you are / what i treasure most in this world, that’s what you are

this entire song is raleigh singing to mc, but like this little section is just SO sappy. that one line i keep mentioning? yeah that’s this song

25. locos

estoy contento de tenerte cerca / muy cerca de mí / que me digas loco / que me des besos / y que te rías de mí / y sé que nunca te lo he dicho / y me da miedo confesar / pero antes, quiero besarte / que llevo loco, tratando de decirte / que ya no puedo vivir sin ti

i’m happy because you’re close / very close to me / cause you call me crazy / cause you give me kisses / and laugh at me / and i know i’ve never told you this / and i’m afraid to confess / but first, i want to kiss you / i’m crazy, trying to tell you / that i can no longer live without you

god this reminds me of raleigh so much like ??? ok i dont know if this makes sense but imagine raleigh not being able to quite say the words they’re feeling so they just sing a song in spanish instead because they one, express their feelings through lyrics better and two, they know mc doesn’t understand spanish (this is specifically for non spanish speaking mcs)

26. no te puedo olvidar

sé que nunca me equivoqué / en lo que siento / y cuando me tocas la piel / me desvanezco / sé que miraremos a la última estrella / así nos conectaremos / yo te necesito más de lo que piensas / más de lo que puedo creer / vives en mí y en mi materia / no te quedo olvidar

i know i was never wrong / about what i feel / and when you touch my skin / i vanish / i know we’re gonna stare at the last star / that’s how we’ll connect / and i need you more than you can imagine / more than you can believe / you live in me and in my matter / i can’t forget you

this is one of the most romantic songs i swear to gooooddddd i think if raleigh and mc ever broke up this would be what they wrote afterwards – but also i think in general he’d write this about her without the breakup ! idk i’m just in love with this song. anyways

OKAY I’M DONE RAMBLING I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS PLAYLIST !!!! this is what i’ve been listening to while i’ve been reblogging posts today !!!

[yeojaa]

didn’t know me.

pairing.  jhs x reader.  rating.  general!  we are family friendly.  tags.  this is just... cute.  there’s a bit of swearing, teasing, mentions of beer, etc. but nothing bad.  wc.  2k.  beta reader.  my beloved @hobi-gif​ and my wofe @periminkle​!  💖

You’ve always been one to take the things you want, pursuing them with a ferocity your mother calls intense.  You have no qualms about decorum or bashfulness.  To you, if you’re not the first - you’re the last. 

You’d done it all your life.  First, in kindergarten, when you’d taken the orange blocks because they were your favourite colour.  Then, in high school when you’d tried out for three varsity teams and made it onto all of them.  More recently, at work, where you’d demanded (read:  gently requested) a raise after you’d consistently been covering for your less-than-reliable manager. 

If you wanted something, you went for it.  There was seldom anything that could stop you - including your soft-spoken best friend. 

“I’m gonna do it.” 

It being asking the cute guy waiting in line for his number.  It being embarrassing your poor best friend who’s got her face hidden behind your shoulder, soft blonde bangs brushing your cheek as she shakes her head in a poor attempt to deter you. 

“Don’t make it weird,”  she whispers into the collar of your coat, denim rough against your neck. 

“You’re the one making it weird!”  The hiss is quiet, gentle.  More coaxing than reprimand or displeasure.  This is a usual occurrence for the two of you. 

Whereas you were relentless, unrepentant - rays of sunlight on the hottest day of summer - she was the softest breeze, barely a ruffle of leaves.  You complemented and completed each other and had for the better part of your lives.  Exactly why you’d opted to take this trip with her and only her;  she was the one person who didn’t drive you absolutely insane after a certain number of days together.  She filled all the empty spaces of your puzzle, rather than smothered you with her own shape. 

Still, you sometimes had disagreements.  Now was one of those times. 

“What if he doesn’t speak English?”  

She’s being far too realistic, of course, in her patented Ivy way.  You have to admit - she has a point.  The likelihood of this random stranger even understanding you is slim but you figure it doesn’t hurt to ask.  When in Rome Okinawa, right? 

“Then I’ll use Google translate,”  you retort around a mouthful of laughter, the sound buzzing around your teeth.  You’d think they’d stung her by how Ivy recoils, grimacing at you in the same instance you advance a step.  “Wish me luck!”

She doesn’t.  You don’t care.  

A hand reaches out, two fingers poised. 

And then he - the cute fellow customer with jet black hair and expensive sneakers on - faces you, but not because you’ve spoken.  He turns because his companion has caught his attention, jerking his platinum blond head toward you.  At least, you think it’s blond.  You really can’t tell with how his bucket hat is pulled so low over his ears, the bottom half of his face obscured by a plain black mask. 

The words die on your tongue, suddenly stolen by the sheer beauty of cute guy’s face.  He’s disarmingly handsome, with high cheekbones and a perfectly upturned nose.  His mouth splits - heart-shaped around bright white teeth - and you can’t help the little tumble your heart takes when he smiles.  It brushes itself off before falling all over again, nearly launching itself out of your chest and at his feet. 

“Hi?”  There’s something lyrical about his voice, like summertime and riding in the car with the windows down.  It’s also accented - peculiar in a way that’s strangely familiar.  You can’t quite place it. 

“Hi!”  You all but chirp, probably with the dumbest look on your face.  You hope your smile offsets it.  “Could I have your number?” 

Sunshine - because that’s his nickname for now and it feels terribly fitting - blinks at you, head tilting in a way you can only describe as adorable. 

“My number?”  It’s an echo, in less of a what the fuck way and more of a did-I-hear-you-right way. 

You nod once, twice, a hopeful laugh rolling off your tongue.  It slots into the spaces between you and settles, strangely nervous.  You’re not used to the anxiety that’s thrumming through your veins and causing a ruckus in your ears. 

There’s just something about him. 

“Yeah, your number?”  As if to illustrate your point better, you raise your phone and wave it about, tapping against the back of your fluorescent pink case.  “To text you?”

Realisation dawns, passing in pretty rays over his face.  “Oh!”  For a moment, he seems ready to give it, every inch of his expression wide open. 

Then, all at once, it falls - blinds dropping across a window.  He seems deep in thought, his gaze jumping to the blond that’s now made himself comfortable at a table a few feet away, back hunched and attention focused solely on the screen of his Samsung.  Your stare follows, traipsing the narrow ridge of the other’s shoulders before swivelling back to the ball of light before you.  

God, you can’t get over how good looking he is.  It’s almost hard to look at him, yet somehow harder to look away. 

“You want… my number?”  

“If that’s okay,”  you murmur, with your most disarming smile.  You know it’s a solid effort - you’ve won parents and bosses over with it.  Three years of braces had done you good.

He’s seemingly stuck, torn between giving into the strange girl in front of him and something else you have no idea about.  You can practically feel Ivy burning a hole into the back of your skull with each moment that passes.  She’s definitely going to hold this against you for at least an hour. 

“I can have yours?”  A sleek iPhone - no case, to your horror - is fished out of his pocket and offered to you.  You can’t help but admire his hands, the way his knuckles wrap around the slim device.  “I’ll take your, um, number?” 

It’s not what you’d expected.  Truthfully, a part of you wonders whether this means he’ll take it and never use it.  You hope not.  

“Sure,” you agree readily, nodding with a delight that feels a little much for a chance meeting in a random mochi donut shop.  You try not to dwell on it as you enter your contact details, passing the phone back over with two hands. “Don’t forget to use it!”  It’s meant to be flirtatious, friendly without being too forward.  You’re unsure if it’s lost on him.  You think it might be by how he beams at you, offering nothing in return. 

“Gaja.”  

The interruption breaks the stillness between you, spoken so quietly you almost miss it.  It comes low and swift from the blond that’s joined Sunshine’s side, stealing his attention from you.  You try to hide your disappointment, though it’s quickly replaced by wide-eyed wonder. 

You don’t mean to stare - you probably look like a fish out of water - but realisation brings with it unflattering expressions.  It’s a simple fact of life.  

“Kamsahamnida.”  Your Korean is rusty - clearly without practice and uncomfortable on your tongue. For not the first time, you wish you’d been more receptive to your parents’ insistence that you learn.  

Surprise flips across Sunshine’s face, thrusting his eyebrows to disappear behind his fringe.  Then he grins, so big and unreserved that it really is blinding - like staring directly into the sky on a day without clouds.  He looks on the edge of speaking - as if all the words are balanced right behind his teeth, ready to spill out with the same abandon as his joy - before Blondie repeats himself, this time with more urgency.

You’re holding them up.  Oh god. 

With a swiftness usually reserved for the volleyball court, you sidestep, nearly knocking a lurking best friend over in your haste.  Your head is bowed - a decidedly strange gesture for you - and you glance up through a curtain of swept bangs and thick lashes.  “Mianhaeyo.”  You want to say more but you’re fumbling, trying to find the words you’ve never taken the time to properly study.  “I… um...”  

There’s a hand in yours, squeezing in reassurance. Or maybe frustration.  It isn’t always easy to tell with Ivy.

“It was nice to meet you” is what you settle on. 

“You too,”  Sunshine returns, far too kindly, with that same brilliant smile that has your jaw aching with the intensity of your own.  He’s all but ushered out the door, though he turns at the last minute to wave - a sweet thing that makes you laugh.  “I will call!”

Waiting isn’t something you do well.  As evidenced by your go-getter attitude, your patience tends to run thin.  You want things and you want them now - but it seems that isn’t in your cards.  Shit hand, you think.

So you sit and you wait and well, you’re not really sitting and waiting.  You’re still living your life and enjoying your vacation.  You’ve been to the beach - there’s a neat underground tower Ivy had dragged you to that had you gaping at the fish swimming by at eye level - and you’ve had probably too much taco rice than is strictly speaking necessary.

But you haven’t been able to get him out of your head and it’s driving you more than a little crazy on the third day that you haven’t heard from him.

“Are you listening to me?”  It’s Ivy, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed with two intricately woven bracelets held aloft.  They’re both pretty and hardly discernible in their differences.  One’s blue and the other is… a slightly darker shade of blue?

“Huh?”  Your thoughts are a million miles away, focused solely on the memory of a certain Sunshine boy.  

“Which one!”  She’s exasperated, flailing her wrists just enough that one trinket whacks you right between the eyes.  Okay, so you deserved that.

You’re rubbing at the red mark, turning away in the same instant you speak.  “That one.”  

“That one?” 

“The one on the right!”

She grumbles something that sounds awfully like I hate you but you’re too busy checking your phone to really call her on it.  No new messages, save for the three group chats you’re in that absolutely refuse to shut up.  You don’t count those.

“A watched pot never boils,”  she hums from somewhere behind you, before lapsing into stilted Japanese with the kindly old woman behind the counter. 

You know she’s right but that doesn’t change a thing.  You check your phone twelve more times between exiting the small jewellery shop and stepping into the karaoke bar.  It’s not really that often, you tell yourself.  Most millennials sit on their phones for hours!  You’re a step above, truly.

Until Airi’s husband is grilling you, poking fun at the fact that you can’t seem to tear yourself away from the device in your hands.

“Don’t forget you’re out,”  he teases around the rim of his beer, arm slung comfortably across his wife’s shoulders.  “Live in the moment, y’know?”  

If you weren’t so close - if they weren’t hosting you at their apartment for this leg of your trip - you’d probably ignore him.  As it stands, he’s like an annoying older brother and receives a swift kick to his shin.  You grin just as he grimaces, nearly spilling his glass of Sapporo all over his front.

“Hey— you brat!”

“Takes one to know one,”  you retort, tongue out and mischief wrapped into every syllable.  “Don’t know how you’re married.  Didn’t think kids were allowed to.”  

Across from you, Airi stifles a snicker and the rest of your group breaks into laughter.  You’re in the middle of throwing middle fingers at Sunny when a hand clasps your forearm with an aggression you can’t ignore. 

Ivy’s staring at you with eyes the size of saucers, mouth curled into a perfectly shaped ‘O’.  A part of you wants to shove a limp fry into it - until you follow the line of her arm, the length of her finger. 

Because on the screen - serenading your ragtag group of friends in the terrible voice of Airi’s little brother - is cute-guy-from-donuts.  Sunshine. 

What the hell?

tag list.  @neverthefirstchoice​​​​ @youwannabelostandnotbefound​​​​

[yetanotherreader]

Useful—4

Genre: College AU

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N Y/L/N, slight Dean x Lisa

Summary: The school’s most popular boy wants to be friends with Y/N, out of the blue. It definitely doesn’t have anything to do with her hot best friend, though.

Word Count (For the chapter): 2,627

Warnings (For the chapter): Language, self deprecative thoughts.

[For some reason, some of the tags aren’t working. I’m sorry about that.]

[[ Also I’m sorry for the no Read More thingy because it doesn’t happen on the phone app :-(]]

Useful Masterlist

Chapter 4

Chapter 3

Time flew by faster and in no time, it was the last week of the semester. Winter breaks were going to begin and you didn't know what to do with your life during the vacation. Lisa was going to be spending it with her family, Dean was going on a road trip with his friends and you had no plans whatsoever. You had no funds to go visit your family, overseas. You were saving for an apartment, and your parents understood. You were, in fact, surprised that they did without any clashes but again, maybe, living away from each other did mend your relationship with your family better. You missed them and, hopefully, they missed you too.

Right now, though, you were trying to figure out how you were going to survive the holidays, browsing the library for some books you could use for your time alone. Older times, you would have enjoyed it. Would get bored, might go into overthinking drives, beat yourself up for things of the past, but still somehow enjoyed the undisturbed two weeks. Now, it was different. Everything was. You were not used to being alone all the time anymore, there was a certain green eyed idiot who made sure to be around you as much as he could. The idiot you've started to dangerously feel for. He introduced you to Cas and Jo, and they were amazing people. Lisa had started spending time with you, too. It was funny. A few months ago, you had literally no one to talk to and now, you barely got to be alone.

"There you are! I've been looking for you."

"Well, I'm honored. Hey, Lis."

"Gotta say your sense of humor has worsened more," she said with a laugh, "Hey. So mom is going on a holiday with her fiancé for the new year. So had to cut the trip short. They invited me but I bailed out"

"I'm sorry," You knew Lisa and her mom's new boyfriend didn't get along all that well. The previous guy her mom was with, though, treated Lisa like her own, and she missed him. For some reason, they broke up and that was why Lisa  moved here for college from Michigan. Her mother's new fiance was a nice man, according to Lisa, but she just couldn't give him that place in her heart.

"Yeah. So, yeah, I'll be here a week earlier."

"That's cool. We can catch up on some movies then."

"And bars and parties and hot boys at the beach."

"Oh, Lord." You laughed, and she soon joined you.

"Hey Y/-" You heard Dean stop, abruptly before continuing, "H-Hey."

You looked up at him to see him looking at Lisa, only to realize it was her he actually greeted, "Um..hey, Dean."

He practically tore his gaze away from her to look at you, "Oh, hi, Y/N. You didn't tell me your friend was going to be here with you."

"Uh, you didn't tell me you were going to be coming here, Dean." You laughed awkwardly trying to cut the tension in the air.

"Oh, yeah, actually I was looking for you. Well, I was wondering if you-"

"Y/N, won't you introduce me to your friend?" Lisa chimed in, practically eye-fucking your best friend—and you hated to notice, it was coming right back at her.

"So, you don't know who I am, huh?" Dean smirked, flirting. You couldn't help but roll your eyes.

It was like you weren't even there while they continued to make filthy comments and it was disgusting, you audibly groaned making your way out of the library, "God, ew."

For the rest of the day, you were supposed to be busy. You had assignments to submit before the vacations started, but it seemed like you dropped your concentration somewhere on the road. You couldn't stop wondering what Lisa and Dean were doing right then. Did they kiss? Or were they planning somethi-

You shook your head, shaking away the thoughts. They were your friends, you should be happy for them if it came to something like that. What you felt for Dean was a tiny, little crush which would fade in no time. You weren't going to make things between you two awkward by acting on it. This friendship was important to you, after a long, long while you were willing to put your trust in someone. You didn't even remember the last time you ever talked to someone like you talked to Dean. He was starting to become the closest friend you'd ever had, so yeah, you were going to be happy for him no matter who he dated.

The only thing was...you weren't.

You typed furiously on the computer, trying to ignore the insecurities that were creeping inside you little by little. Dean is going to leave you too. No one will stay. Everyone leaves. Your fingers danced across the keyboard smoothly yet faster than before as you hurried to get the work done so that you could get the hell out of the premises and take a nap. Because you deserve it. You're not worth any love. You're a disgra- You typed the last words and emailed yourself the document, not bringing anything that was going on in your mind show on your face.

"Y/N!" You stopped at the familiar voice, turning around as Lisa made her way towards you, "Guess what?"

"What?" You asked, not surprised by her happy attitude. She was always so happy, it made you wonder what was wrong with you that you couldn't be.

"You never told me you were friends with that hot snack!"

"Um.. actually. I did." You said, rolling your eyes. Obviously she wasn't paying attention.

"No…" you gave her a long look, "you did?"

Exhaling heavily, you made your way to your room, "Lis, I've had a busy day. I'm really really exhausted. Can we gush over how hot Dean is later when I've had some shut eye?"

"No, I didn't stop you to tell how hot Dean is. I mean, yes he is but I wanted to tell you he invited me to the road trip he's going on with his friends." Your eyes shot up to her face, searching for any signs of it being a joke. It wasn't. Dean, actually, did ask her. They met...like...just now?

Lisa must have gotten an idea of your discomfort 'cause her eyes saucered in realization, "oh my god...I'm so sorry, Y/N! I completely forgot about you and the plans we made. I can drop going, I'm so sorry."

"No..it's..it's okay. Really. Go enjoy your holiday. I was, anyway, going to spend my time alone before we made those plans."

She looked at you, guilty, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah.." You smiled in understanding.

"I can always ask Dean to let you tag along."

You chuckled at the irony. You were his best friend, you didn't need anyone else to ask him anything for you. And you even felt a little insulted by the statement. You could do without this favour. You could definitely do without anyone 'letting you' tag along, "Braedon, really, go. I'll be fine on my own."

She went away without another word. The pit in your stomach only seemed to grow as you did your best to drag it aside. You, somehow, managed to stop the slumping of your shoulders as you walked into your room. You changed out of your jeans into your pajamas, ready to call it a day. You made yourself a peanut butter sandwich and was done with all the chores that you settled down on the bed. Switching off the lights, you pulled the warm blanket over your head. It was then that all the thoughts you'd been pushing aside started making appearances.

Your friend 'completely forgot' about you and the plans, your best friend didn't even bother remembering that he forgot about you. It was like you didn't even exist. You knew it was stupid, in fact it was really childish to think like this. Them people have gotten their own lives which DID NOT have to revolve around you. And pretty honestly, you knew no life revolved around you, not even your own. No one would give two shits if you suddenly disappeared, including you. Still, you weren't supposed to feel this way. You weren't supposed to be so much affected because of something like this. Being left out was not something that was happening for the first time to you. But this time, it hurt a little. The thought of you getting replaced bothered a little when it shouldn't. It wasn't a crime or anything. What did you ever do to make a lasting impact in someone's life anyway so that they'd want to keep you forever?

You woke up to constant pounding on your door. Groaning, you got up to open the door.

"I was about to knock the door down, sleepyhead." Dean ruffled your hair playfully as you slapped his hand away annoyed.

"I was sleeping, asshole."

"Shocker."

You looked at him, bored, for a while before widening your eyes and pulling him inside and locking the door behind, "What the hell are you doing here? If the warden saw you, she'd rip me two."

"For a second I thought you were going to kiss me," he snickered sheepishly. "I called you to inform, you didn't pick up." He made his way inside the room, putting the box of pizza and a backpack on the couch. You scrunched up your nose at the action.

"Pizza? Why?"

"Why are you surprised?"

"It was Tuesday. Did I sleep for three fuckin' days straight?!" You said, flabbergasted for a moment until you saw Dean making the most annoyed face ever.

"Y/L/N. It is still Tuesday. Wednesday, actually. And our Friday night outs are at my place, not here where your warden is ready to eat me alive."

"Your point?"

He sighed, "We didn't spend any time together today, Y/N. I saw you earlier, you didn't look well."

You frowned before the memories made their way back, "oh…

"Well that's exactly why I was trying to sleep, Winchester." You scolded, trying to not sound too cold.

"What is it?"

"What?" You turned away from him, walking to your bed, Dean following suit.

"What's wrong? And don't give me there's-nothing-wrong-i'm-okay shit. Tell me." He sat himself beside you as you crawled under the blanket to the other end.

"There's nothing wrong, I'm okay." Dean rolled his eyes as you pulled the covers over your head.

"You know I hate it when you do what I tell you not to."

"Then don't tell me what to do." Your voice came out muffled, as you replied back sharply. He sighed.

When she walked out of the library, groaning as Lisa and him flirted, Dean had noticed. He thought it was just the playful best friend reaction seeing them two flirt with each other, so he let it pass. Later that day, he went to meet Y/N and saw her working on the computer. She would look normal to anyone around there, but Dean had secretly picked up on her habit of doing her work extra smooth when she's stressed. Her shoulders were tensed and eyes sharp. Yep. She was definitely bothered. What he was about to tell her would have to wait, first he needed to know what was bothering her. He decided to talk to her after his class, but by the time his class was over, Y/N was already out of the campus.

"I never got to tell you why I came to talk to you this morning."

"Oh, you came to talk to me? Didn't think I was so lucky." Was that what it was all about? Was she... jealous? But why would she be jealous? She was so darn confusing, it frustrated him sometimes.

"You need to talk to me, Y/N. What's going on?" He said, pulling her blanket to him before she pulled it back.

"Nothing is going on Dean, really. It's nothing. I'm just tired is all."

"And grumpy?"

"And grumpy."

"I need you to know no one is going to take your place, sweetheart." He felt her stiffen just a bit, not enough to be noticed but enough to be noticed by him.

"Stop thinking you're that important to me, Winchester. You're not." He flinched. He knew Y/N didn't mean that, it was just her defence mechanism with some extra sass but it still painfully tug his heart a little bit. She made a lot such comments, mostly playfully, with that serious face but playfully. Maybe it wasn't the comment but the fact that she was hurt that was bothering him? He wouldn't know. One thing he knew, though, was whatever was bothering her, he needed to make her smile. Maybe she noticed his sudden pause because she immediately spoke up, "Sorry. It came out harsher than I intended."

"S'okay. So you're not gonna tell me what's bothering you?"

"Nothing is bothering me Winchester."

"Whatever you say, Y/L/N." He gave up. It bothered him that she had still not opened up to him even when they'd been 'best friends' for so long. Every time he thought she would, she would close off and change the topic. She still was the mystery girl he met at the beginning of the college, a mystery he didn't know how to figure out "So, you coming?"

"Where?"

"The road trip?

"So Lisa did that after all."

"Lisa did what?"

"Nothing. And well, I've got some work so I can't come."

"Yeah I know what work you got. Come on, Y/N. Be easy on yourself sometimes. It's gonna be fun."

"But-"

"Great. So it's a 2 weeks long trip. Pack accordingly and now we have that pizza." He stood up before she could protest and got the pizza.

"How many times are you going to watch this show, Dean? Don't you get bored?" You said taking your third slice.

"As many times as I please, babe. It's Dr. Sexy M.D, it never gets boring." He said casually, thankfully missing the pink that dusted your cheeks at the nickname in the dark.

After a couple more episodes, you were starting to doze off, and so was Dean, "Alright, let's sleep. We have classes tomorrow.

"There's no morning class. Just one more epi." He said, clutching the remote in his hands, like a child, "please?"

"No." He pouted at your response, defeated.

"Okie." He said letting out a small yawn. Sleepy Dean was always adorable, "So it's settled that you're coming with us?"

She paused for a moment before shrugging slightly.

"I guess...yes," he smiled cheekily as she said that, "but, why did you want me there all of a sudden?"

"Because I want you there? It's gonna be fun. I've heard girls need their girl-friends on these tours for some 'girl-company' thing. I invited Lisa, so-"

He stopped abruptly as she stood up and made her way out of the room, "I'll go and throw these boxes, you change in here."

"- that you could get some company." He whispered mostly to himself. What the hell just happened? He shook his head, too sleepy to think about it right now and stripped out of his clothes into his pajamas.

Obviously. There it was. The reason he wanted you there, it's all here. It's because he didn't want Lisa to be alone around people she didn't know. You stood by the sink and chuckled to yourself, feeling a sting in the back of your eyes. Wow.

"Same old easily replaceable Y/N." You whispered.

-------

Chapter 5

A/N: alright. I know I know. I'm a terrible author who do not care about her readers but it's not that. I'm really, genuinely sorry. Life's been really rollercoastery and I've been dealing with stuffs lately. I promise I'll be better next time. And if you could take out a minute of your day and pray for me and a lot of people who need it, please, I'll be really grateful. They say prayers are powerful and I think I can do with them a bit.

Also, please don't do something wrong with yourself. You're worth every effort you make for a better life. Each minute of your life counts, just make sure you keep yourself and others as happy as you can. Be kind to you and others, I'm rooting for you. ❤️

And show some kindness to the animals too, they deserve it. ❤️

.

.

Tags for useful:

 @fandoms-fiend @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @itsjaybro16 @mml232 @blablatiti @stilltoomuchafangirl @bat-shark-repellant @bluebell-24 @shortwinchester @always-money-in-the-banana-stand @ima-be-a-mongoose @soullessbabee @infinityspacesuniverse @vicmc624 @roonyxx @fandoms-fiend @slythermyg

[irrlicht-writes]

in front of windows

Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester

Pairing: Castiel/Dean

Summary: He could still save him. It’s what they did: they fixed things. But they were running out of time. Dean wished they could have more. They were supposed to go on a beach vacation together. Castiel would wear bumblebee-swimshorts and they’d be happy. If they could’ve had more time... maybe he could’ve said it to Castiel’s face then, instead.

A/N: my second coda to yet another episode I have not seen. @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover (I feel so weird tagging people because even when they request it it feels like I’m bothering themmm)

Coda to 15x09 “The Trap”

________________________________

Dean busted through the door, hoping against hope that he wasn’t too late. His breaths came hard and fast and then – he stopped.

Castiel stood in the middle of the room, right in front of the window. He wasn’t facing the door Dean just slammed open and everything was quiet. The room was dark; and Cas obstructed the only light source, illuminating him. That was an angel, right there, amidst the dead, because he killed them all. Dean looked at the ground. Around his feet, there were corpses, slaughtered. It reminded him too much of who he used to be and seeing it now, knowing the cause for it – it hurt.

His friend turned his head to him and Dean still believed he could be saved. Even if he could barely see Castiel in these blue eyes anymore, he still believed the angel could be saved. He had to. Nobody else believed in it anymore and he wasn’t ready to give up.

“Dean”, Castiel said.

He looked around the room and there was no remorse in his voice.

“I believe I got them all. We should leave now.”

Dean couldn’t say anything, and he also couldn’t move when Castiel came his way. That was his friend. These lifeless blue eyes were his friend. It was his fault. Everything was his fault and he didn’t know how to fix it. He lost Castiel more and more every breathing moment and he feared the day nothing would be left of him. His hand was shaking and he was still grabbing the doorknob. He didn’t know what to do.

He knew.

“Dean”, Castiel said again and reached out to his hand, removing it gently from the door. Castiel was still there, in these rare moments. Dean swallowed down, hard, and resisted the urge to hug his friend. He didn’t have the right; he’d never have the right again.

“Are... are you okay?” He asked instead.

Castiel nodded.

“I am now.”

Yes... he’d be fine now, after killing all these people. It didn’t matter if they deserved this. It mattered that there was no remorse in Castiel’s heart after the act. Castiel left the room and Dean, having his head hung low, followed him. There was nothing else to do.

He mourned every moment he never got to have.

~

“Dean.”

He tried so very hard not to listen. He was fixated on this stupid book-page; it didn’t matter if he had no clue what it said. His hands were shaking and he wished he could have a drink. Hell, he wished he could be drunk all the time these days. But he would never forgive himself for that. Being drunk in possibly the last moments he’d ever get? He shouldn’t even be reading this book, but maybe – just maybe – there was a way to fix it in there. Because they would fix this. That’s what they did.

“Dean!”

Sam tore his book away from him and Dean stared at him angrily. He hated Sam. He hated Sam for his level-headedness. Fuck, he hated Castiel for the same reason. He knew both of them were right, but he didn’t want to hear it.

“What?” He barked at Sam.

“Dean... you know it’s what we got to do.”

That motherfucker even did the puppy-eyes. They had worked so many times, Dean couldn’t even count. But not this time. Not about this.

“What, Sam? We fix this, this is what we gotta do! That is not fixing it!”

Sam shook his head.

“Dean, Cas himself said –“

“Well, fucking Cas can go suck my dick then!”

Sam shut up. Dean stood up and stormed away. He was delaying the impossible, he knew that. But what else was he supposed to do? He couldn’t... he just couldn’t.

He threw himself on his bed and curled up on it. The thought alone made him sick. There had to be a way to fix this. They always managed. They always fixed stuff. So why couldn’t they fix Cas? And why was Sam so ready to just... give up? He thought they were friends. They were all supposed to be brothers! You didn’t just give up on family!

“Dean.”

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and sat up. “Hey, Cas.”

His friend moved quietly, and then sat down next to him. Dean looked over. It was Cas. It’d always be Cas. He could do this. He could save him. It’d all be alright, and then they’d go take that beach vacation. Castiel would wear swim-shorts with bees on them and they’d play ball on the sand together. Yes. That’s what they’d do, once this nightmare was done with.

“I really wanted to kill Sam when I passed him by.”

Dean didn’t know what to say. “You didn’t, though.” It was barely a whisper.

“No. But it’s getting harder to resist.” Castiel turned his head. “It’s also getting harder to resist killing you.”

He reached out and took Dean’s hand. It was nice. Castiel’s hand was warm, and a solid weight. They should’ve held more hands before.

“I think about it a lot. I could take your hand like this and just... break every finger on it. Bend them backwards, just to hear you scream.”

Dean was paralyzed. He knew these thoughts. But Cas was supposed to be stronger than this. Nothing was supposed to touch him. Castiel raised his other hand and put it on Dean’ cheek. That, too, was nice. They should’ve done that more often.

“I also think about pushing my finger into your eye and pop the eyeball out. I think about putting my fingers in your mouth and rip it open, tearing your jaw off. I think about putting my hand in your chest”, his hand left his face and was now rubbing over his chest, “just to tear your heart out. Breaking every rib you have, pierce your lungs and see the terrified look in your eyes.”

Castiel then straddled his lap, looking down at Dean.

“I think about tearing your arms off, to hear you scream. I think about ripping your legs off and tie them together.”

He held Dean’s face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together.

“I want to do all this, and I want Sam to watch. I want to hurt Sam and I want you to watch, powerless to do anything about it. I want to rip and slice and stab and kill everything. I want to hear you scream, I want to end your lives in the most painful way possible. And I can’t...”

His voice broke and he had clenched his eyes shut. Dean could just stare. He understood. He understood exactly how Cas felt. He would fix this.

“I’m gonna fix this, Cas, you just wait and see.”

Castiel shook his head and something akin to a broken sob escaped him.

“Dean, you can’t. And even if it was possible, I don’t have enough time. You know that. Dean, please. Please. I don’t want this. I don’t want this to become a reality, Dean, please...”

Dean hugged his angel. They were shaking. He knew. Of course he knew. Castiel had been so strong resisting for as long as he did.

“Stay with me tonight”, Dean whispered. He needed Cas to be with him until the end. He didn’t know how he’d cope after his friend was gone.

“I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

Castiel’s eyes were big and blue and there was the angel he’d always known. The one that’d been with him for so long; that has died for him. He could never be afraid of this Castiel.

Dean shook his head. “You won’t, angel. You won’t.”

“Your faith in me is astounding.”

“Cas... you’re the only thing I’ve ever had faith in.”

They huddled together and Dean held tight on that trench coat. He didn’t want to sleep, but Cas would watch over him, one last time. He wished they’d had more time. More time to hurt each other again and again; and find each other again and again.

~

The next morning, Cas was still here, watching Dean. He smiled. “Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean.”

It was the last time he’d hear these words and it hurt. He searched for Cas’ hand and squeezed it. This couldn’t be happening. Surely, Sam would bust in the room any second and proclaim he’d found a cure. But Sam never came. Castiel kept looking at him with these unwavering eyes. He’d miss those most of all. He scooted closer to Cas and hugged him tight – it was weird while they were laying down, but what did it matter? What did anything matter anymore?

“Let’s go.”

Castiel nodded and Dean’s heart broke.

~

Dean couldn’t let go of Cas’ hand. Sam was standing behind them and he was snivelling. Normally, Dean would tease him for that but – not now. It took everything he had not to break down crying. The monster sat right there, as innocent as a table – the Ma’lak Box.

Castiel was oddly composed but then again; Castiel always did what needed to be done. It didn’t mean that Dean could. He was shaking and Castiel squeezed his hand tighter. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. It was supposed to end with the three of them together. Him, Sam and Cas. Team Free Will.

Sam put a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “Cas, I... I’m going to miss you.” That was all? Castiel turned to Sam and hugged him – Dean hated that he let go of his hand for that.

“I’m going to miss you as well, Sam. I hope you can forgive me one day.”

Sam shook his head: “There’s nothing to forgive, Cas.”

Castiel stepped back and looked at Dean. Dean couldn’t return the look. It meant good-bye, and he’d never be ready for that. Castiel’s hand was soft on his back.

“Dean, you know it must be done.”

He stepped forward to the box and stepped inside. Dean didn’t want to look. He wanted to run and when he came back, he wanted everything to be fine. Cas and Sam would be sitting in the library, talking about ancient texts and chastise him for just going out like that.

Castiel was sitting inside the box now and he looked up at Dean, smiling.

“It’s going to be fine.”

He lay down and looked at them again. Dean took a step and put his hand on the lid. If he closed it, that would be it. Castiel would be gone. His hand was shaking and there were un-spilled tears in his eyes. He couldn’t do it. But he couldn’t let Sam help him. It had to be him. This was his box, his angel and his responsibility.

Castiel smiled with warm eyes. Dean wished for more time. He wished for a sudden cure. Anything. He’d gladly give his own soul to whoever would take it if it meant he wouldn’t have to close the lid.

“Sam. Dean. I love you. I love both of you. And I’m so proud to have known you. I’m so glad our paths have crossed and that I was able to stay with you. I want to thank you. For everything you’ve done and for everything you will still do. I want you to know that I’m forever proud of you. Dean”, his tone was softer now, “please. I want you to remember me as me. But could you... do me one small favour?”

Dean just nodded silently. He couldn’t speak. What was there to say? He wiped the tears out of his eyes because this was the last time he’d be able to see Cas. He was smiling.

“Please, Dean, I... I want to see your smile, just one last time. Can you do this for me?”

How could he deny that wish?

So he smiled. Not his cocky, charming grin, no. Castiel wouldn’t want that. Dean couldn’t stop the tears, but he smiled. Castiel smiled back and he was shining. Dean closed the lid and he kept smiling and the very last moment.

He locked the lid and then he broke down.

He didn’t wail. He just cried.

At some point, he told Sam to leave him alone.

Castiel was gone.

Castiel was gone forever.

He wished he wasn’t so much of a fool.

 “I love you, Cas.”

[squirmymochi]

Another commission for a lovely customer who requested a man who gets desperate at the waterpark with his girlfriend! Thank you so much, and I hope you enjoy it!

Read it on Ao3

“Are you having fun, babe?”

Alex grimaces, doing his best to smile as he turns around in the pool, ignoring the way the cool water brushes up against his chest. He’s been at the waterpark with his girlfriend Nadia for four, maybe five hours now--it had been her idea, as a final end-of-summer activity before the two would have to return to their last year of university together--and for the first three and a half or so, he’d been having a great time. It’s sunny out, the perfect weather to go to the beach or the pool or a waterpark, they’ve already knocked all of their summer homework out of the way, and he’d just turned twenty-one earlier in the summer, meaning he’s finally legally allowed to drink.

Nadia has made sure to celebrate that last part over the course of the day, always ushering him back towards the bar at the far end of the park to grab more drinks. They’re not trying to get drunk--Alex is pretty sure he’ll want to remember what happened today when he wakes up tomorrow, and with his past experience with alcohol, anything past a few beers will probably make it so that he won’t remember a thing--but Nadia had been so convincing, always offering to pay and promising that she’ll stay sober enough to drive home without getting pulled over by the cops. And besides, it is their last week of summer break before school starts again. Doesn’t he deserve to live a little, get a little tipsy and have some fun?

That had been his mindset two hours ago, anyway, when he’d drank with no precautions. Now, he’s not thinking about having a good time before school starts. Now he isn’t thinking about anything that isn’t the throbbing ache coming from his bladder, reminding him every second of exactly how much beer he’d had throughout the day. Four big, viking-worthy glasses, probably closer to half a pitcher than a mug, plus the water he’d insisted on having alongside it to keep himself from going too far too fast. God, no wonder his need is so strong. He can’t even remember when it was he last went to the bathroom, either--was it all the way at the beginning of the day, so many hours ago?

“Alex?” Nadia sing-songs, snapping him out of his trance as she swims closer to him, pressing a hand to his chest. “Are you having a good time?”

“Of course,” Alex says automatically, squeezing his legs tight together under the water. They’re situated roughly in the middle end of the wave pool, where they’ve been wading for about a half an hour, diving under the water and chasing each other around, having races to see who’s the faster swimmer. (Alex, being on the swim team in high school, usually won, but sometimes he let Nadia win just for fun.) The waves are turned off right now, but he’s pretty sure they’re gearing up to come back any second now, as they’ve been coming and going in fifteen minute intervals since they arrived.

It’s fairly easy to move around right now, too; the water is calm, the floaties and foam toys spread around the pool are all at a standstill, and there aren’t many children darting around in the shallow end, blocking the path to get out. It would be a perfect time to excuse himself to the bathroom and take care of his rather pressing need, which is pretty much the only thing he wants to do at the moment.

But Nadia is here, smiling up at him happily as she treads water (it’s cute that she’s so short she can barely stand in the deep end, but he can’t focus on that right now) with an expectant look in her eyes. She’s having fun where she is, in the pool with him, and the last thing he wants to do is ruin it for her over some silly need he should have more control over as a twenty-one year old man. He can hold it for just a little bit longer, if it means she’ll have a few more minutes of fun.

“I bet I can beat you to the deep end!” Nadia exclaims, her mouth curling into a little grin as she pushes her dark hair, sleek with water, over her shoulder. “Come on, before the waves start up again!”

“What are you, five?” Alex laughs tightly, even though he’s the one in the childish situation. He feels more five than he has in a while, all thanks to the urges coming from his abdomen. There’s no way he’ll be able to race her again without making himself seriously desperate, but he doesn’t want to flat-out say no to her. (Saying no to Nadia is probably his least favorite thing in the universe, and it shows.)

“Scared you’ll lose?” Nadia taunts, eyes glimmering with mirth as she does so. “Come on, it will be fun!”

And it’s that sight, the look on her face which she’s given him a thousand times before, that finally makes Alex put aside his uncomfortableness and agree. “Alright, fine,” he sighs, playing along with her challenge. “Last one to the deep end is a rotten egg.”

“Yeah!” Nadia crows triumphantly, before running a hand across the surface of the pool towards Alex, splashing him in the face with drops of cool water before she takes off. Alex laughs, diving into the water and chasing after her, putting all his strength into kicking beneath the surface with his muscular legs.

Fuck . If he’d thought treading water with a full bladder was hard, it’s nothing compared to actually swimming. With each kick he feels like he’s about to leak, his legs spreading apart and muscles growing tired with every stroke. Having his legs forced apart over and over again is borderline painful, and since his arms are busy propelling him forward in the water, there’s nothing left to keep the pressure on his crotch from the outside. God, he can feel the pee just sitting there, begging to be let out.

But he can’t pee in the pool! There are so many other people there, enjoying their family vacations together in the same body of water that he’s in. It would be more than rude to contaminate the water they were swimming in with his body’s own type of water, regardless of whether anyone else could tell or not. And besides, he wouldn’t want to be swimming in it, either.

“I win!” Nadia cries as he surfaces, his hands shooting up to hold onto the wall when he wishes they could shoot down to hold his penis instead. He settles for crossing his legs under the water and moving his hips back and forth as gracefully as he can, hoping that the wave of pressure he’d just felt goes away as quickly as it had come. “You know what that means. Loser buys another round of drinks!”

“Ah,” Alex pants, glancing warily towards the bar as he continues to fidget underwater. “More drinks? I’m not really thirsty, you know…”

“You don’t drink beer because you’re thirsty,” Nadia points out with a pout. “You drink it ‘cause it’s fun. Besides, it’s hot out! Don’t you want to stay hydrated?”

I’m plenty hydrated enough, thank you! his mind protests. I don’t think I could put more liquid in me if I tried!

“I’ll buy something for you,” he reasons instead, hoping his voice doesn’t give him away. “I’m already feeling buzzed enough.”

Nadia’s pout deepens, but she moves on fairly quickly as the water around them shifts. “Oh, the waves are starting again!” she exclaims excitedly as the pool around them begins to fill with movement. “Come on, let’s swim back to the other end so I can stand!”

With that, she turns around in the water and kicks off from the wall, gliding through the waves effortlessly, like some kind of Grecian goddess. Her long, dark hair trails behind her, clinging to her back when she resurfaces, but Alex doesn’t have the capabilities to appreciate his girlfriend’s figure right about then.

His entire body is frozen against the wall as his head fills with the sound of water splashing against water, crashing upon the sides of the pool and lapping at his chest. All of a sudden the only thing he can hear is dripping, churning, running water, and the noises seem to be going straight from his brain to his bladder.

God, he hadn’t realized how seriously bad he needed to go until now, with waves upon waves of liquid moving around him. His bladder feels so full and heavy inside of him, like a water balloon that’s overfilled and ready to pop at any second. All those beers, all that water… It’s all still inside of him, and he’d bet that there’s even more still traveling down from his kidneys into his bladder, ready to overinflate it even more than it already is.

He sucks in a deep breath and presses the front of his body further against the wall, trying his best to create pressure against his crotch. He doesn’t dare grind down--the wall of the pool is rather gritty, and he’d prefer not to harm his genitals in any way if he can help it--but it’s a tough battle to fight. He wishes the water weren’t so clear so that he could reach down and grab himself without anyone there to judge him, but the waterpark is so crowded, and he’s sure he wouldn’t be able to get away with it. (Oh, but holding himself sounds absolutely heavenly right about then.)

Nadia, who had already swam a few feet away, turns back to give him a questioning look. “Aren’t you coming?” she asks, thankfully not noticing his strange body language, his hunched shoulders or gritted jaw. “Come on, my legs are getting tired.”

“C-Coming,” Alex says, thrusting his hips forward against the wall one more time before pushing off towards the shallow end. He doesn’t dare front crawl his way over this time--that would be much too much for his poor, swollen bladder to handle. Instead he doggy paddles towards the shallower side of the pool, trying his best to appear normal in front of the families that are watching him.

Inside his body, his bladder throbs agonizingly, demanding that he release its contents as soon as he can. He sucks his lip between his teeth as he paddles over, clenching his sphincter muscles as hard as he can until he makes it far enough that he’s able to stand. As soon as he does that, he crosses one leg over the other and bobs up and down in the water, breathing heavily as he shifts his hips from side to side. He needs to get to a bathroom as soon as possible or he’s going to get wet in an entirely different way (one that will be much less fun for everyone involved).

Reluctantly, Alex uncrosses his legs and moves forward, but every step sends tiny vibrations up his legs and across his abdomen. He gasps as a strong urge hits him, bending forward at the waist and locking his knees together under the water to fight against the throbbing pressure. His hands ball into fists at his sides, nails digging into the skin of his palms as he does his best not to let them fly to the front of his swim trunks. If he was worried about people seeing him in the deep end, there’s no way he’d be able to go unnoticed in the shallow side.

He’s just deep enough for the waves to crash straight against his abdomen, water licking at his bladder from the other side, tempting it to release without his permission. “ Ah, ” he gasps, grabbing the front of his thigh and hooking one knee over the other in an attempt to keep himself from going right then, right there. He needs to get himself under control, and soon, before his desperation reaches uncharted levels. Unsteadily, he staggers forward, only to suck in a sharp, pained gasp as his lower body leaves the water.

If he thought his need was bad before, it’s absolutely nothing compared to what he’s feeling now. It feels as if another pint of beer has just been dumped straight into his bladder, filling it to the brim and stretching it to its utmost limit. He realizes with a start that the water from the pool had been the only thing keeping him on the safer edge of desperation--it had made the gravitational pull on his bladder feel lesser, creating a buoyant effect on the poor organ without him noticing, and now that the pressure of the water isn’t on him, gravity is catching up.

His hands begin to fly to his crotch, only to flutter away at the last second as he uses his last bit of willpower to keep them at his sides. Insteadhe sucks his lip between his teeth and stifles a moan, half-falling back into the water around him and sighing with relief when the agonizing pressure goes away. He can still feel hot, throbbing pain coming from his abdomen, but now that he’s surrounded by the pool water again, he doesn’t feel on the verge of exploding anymore.

Still, he needs to get to a toilet as soon as possible, and it’s not likely that he’ll be able to hold it if he lifts himself out of the pool again. What is he supposed to do now? The nearest bathrooms are on the other side of the waterpark, and there’s no way in hell he’d let himself be seen hobbling around a family gathering area with his hands between his legs like some kind of pervert. Besides, he isn’t even sure he’d be able to make it to those restrooms without completely losing control along the way. He’s so desperate, he can barely think straight, and he knows for sure his face must be all red and twisted up in pain by now.

As much as he hates to admit it, he’s pretty sure that he’s only got one option left: he’s going to have to pee in the pool. It’s something he’s never done before--even as a child, he’d always held it in long enough to get to the bathrooms, even though he’d thought they were pretty gross. (And doing that had sure given him some close calls, and a few extra wet spots on his swim shorts, but hey, it’s probably best not to think about those right now.)

So, he’s going to contaminate the pool with his own bodily fluids. It should be easy--the sound of roaring, splashing water surrounds him, teasing him with the premise of relief every second, and the pool water itself is cool enough that it’s making his bladder more than a little uncomfortable. But it’s hard , trying to consciously pee where he’s not supposed to, when he knows it’s taboo, especially for a full-grown adult such as himself. He sighs again, squatting down in the shallow water and doing his best to relax, unclench his muscles, and think of the promise of relief he’s only seconds away from…

And at last, he feels a dribble of urine escape from his bladder and trail through his urethra, creating a tiny spot of warmth in the pool water at the head of his dick. He sighs, letting his head fall back and his arms float to the surface of the pool as his stream picks up, his bladder just starting to become a bit less swollen, a little bit emptier. He can feel the water around him, still rocked by waves, growing warm with his own piss, and… To be honest, it’s a little bit hot. He’s always been a bit of a stickler for the rules, but now, doing something so naughty as peeing in a public pool, without anyone else knowing that he’s doing it… He’s just starting to enjoy the feeling when he feels a pair of arms wrap around him from behind.

“Ah!” he exclaims, jumping forward, but the arms around his middle stay secured. His body freezes, locks up again, the stream of urine stopping abruptly as he stiffens up under the touch, and immediately he misses the relief he’d only just begun to get. His penis throbs, aching in time with his abdomen, and he hisses in pain as the arms around him tighten.

“Alex,” Nadia whines, pressing her front side against his back, molding herself to him. “What’s going on? You were just standing there with your eyes closed.”

“Nadia…” Alex breathes, shifting his weight from foot to foot underwater. He’s uncomfortable, he’s so uncomfortable , seconds away from peeing full-force into the pool again, but he can’t, not with Nadia so close to him.

“Aren’t you having fun?” Nadia asks, and he knows her so well he swears he can hear the pout in her voice. “You seem so stiff, babe. What’s wrong?”

With that, she tightens her hands around his waist, pulling him closer to her body… and subsequently squishing his bladder under her fingers. Alex gasps sharply, curling in on himself and finally letting his hands fly to the front of his swim shorts to hold onto his crotch. Even with the added external pressure, he can feel the water around him growing warm, the pressure on his bladder far too much for him to handle.

“Stop, stop!” he pants, but doesn’t dare push her away. Even if it cost him his own life (or in this case, his dignity) he would never even consider pushing Nadia away. Instead, he shifts his hips from side to side, leaning forward so far his chest touches the water and hooking one leg over the other, bobbing up and down urgently as he does.

Thankfully, Nadia picks up on the problem quickly. She loosens her arms around him, keeping one hand pressed to his chest while the other sifts through the water in front of him. “Oh?” she questions, and this time Alex is sure he can hear mischief in her voice. “What’s this? The water’s all warm over here…”

“I-Is it?” Alex repeats, keeping his hands glued tight to his crotch as he stems off the flow. (It hurts, he’s still so desperate, but now that he’s been caught, it just feels morally wrong to keep going.)

“It is…” With that, Nadia lets her hand trail down to the front of his stomach and pushes down once again, just once. Her other hand comes down to cup over his fingers as his breath hitches and he lets out a short spurt of pee. It takes an immense amount of effort to cut himself off once again, and his bladder protests with a series of agonized pulses, but he refuses to let himself continue to go.

“I see what’s going on,” Nadia says coyly, and Alex thanks the heavens when she removes her hand from his stomach to glide around to his other side. “Alex… You’re being a bad boy, aren’t you? Doing something like that in a public pool?”

“I-I couldn’t help it,” Alex stammers, biting at his lip until it turns red.

“Couldn’t help it?” Nadia repeats teasingly. “Couldn’t help but get all of us in here dirty? The waves are on, you know. That stuff you’re putting in here is gonna spread.”

“I’m s-sorry,” Alex gasps, hooking his knees together and bobbing up and down once again. “I just- I needed to go, and-”

“No, no,” Nadia shushes him, sticking a pool-slick finger to his lips. “No excuses, babe. You’re a grown man, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you be able to hold it until you get to the bathroom?”

“But I-”

“Shh… Come on, you know I’m right.”

Alex inhales shakily, his whole body still tense and rigid from desperation. The warmth of his piss has been washed away by the waves at this point, but he can still feel the urine inside of him pushing to get out. “You’re right,” he says, hoping that she’ll leave it at that and finally allow him to finish what he’d started.

“Did you let go completely?” Nadia asks, her gaze dropping to the area just above his swim trunks. “Are you empty now, you little rulebreaker? It certainly doesn’t look like you are.”

“I- I’m not,” Alex admits, his voice going high-pitched as another wave of need overtakes him. He whimpers, clutching his dick tighter between his hands and pressing the front of his left thigh into the back of his right with all the force he can muster. “I still need to go, bad .”

“Well,” Nadia says, sounding all too pleased. “I certainly can’t allow you to keep going here , of all places. You’ll need to make it to the bathroom if you want to finish relieving yourself.”

Alex jerks his head up to meet her gaze, his eyes going wide. “But- But-” he stammers, a protest half-formed in the back of his mind, but one look from Nadia has him biting his tongue instead of continuing his sentence. The game is afoot now, and no matter how much pain and embarrassment it might bring him, he knows he’s going to play along anyway, for her sake.

Still, it doesn’t make the idea of walking to the bathrooms any more appealing. He already feels like he’s on the verge of spurting again, and if he gets out of the water and forces himself to walk normally, he’s sure he’ll have a full-on accident within the next minute.

“Isn’t there any other way?” he asks shakily, staring off in the direction of the restrooms. If he were in his normal condition, it would probably only be a three or four minute walk, but with the ball of hot, acrid piss inside of him controlling his every move, it’ll probably take at least double that to even reach the other side of the park. And what if there’s a line? Is he supposed to stand there and wait when he’s on the brink of pissing himself for all to see?

“Do you see any other bathrooms around here?” Nadia challenges, raising an eyebrow at him. “Come on, come on! The sooner you get out of the pool, the sooner you get to go!”

She grabs him by the arm and pulls him just a tad too roughly towards the shallow exit of the pool, where the water is just beginning to settle down from the waves. Alex reluctantly lets go of his crotch, and immediately lets out a strangled groan as he experiences the effects of gravity on his body for the second time that day. He wonders how the hell it feels exactly the same as it had before he’d “contaminated” the pool, despite how much he must have let out. Is his last beer hitting him already?

“Nadia, can you… slow down a little?” he manages as his girlfriend struts ahead, beads of water dripping down her body from her one-piece swimsuit. Normally, Alex would take this opportunity to stare at the amount of skin she has on show, but he’s too distracted with his own body. Every muscle he has is clenched tight, his arms and legs stiff and rigid, thighs pressed close together with every step. It’s absolute torture, having to walk like there’s nothing wrong, when it’s all he can do not to grab himself and dance around like a little kid.

They’ve made it maybe ten steps, and each one has sent extremely unpleasant vibrations up through his leg and straight into his core, jostling the liquid inside of him each time his foot lands on the ground. He winces, keeping his eyes trained on the floor to avoid any strange looks people might be shooting his way, and attempts to take a larger step to make it to the bathrooms as fast as he possibly can.

His foot lands on a particularly cool puddle of water, and all of a sudden he feels a hot jet of pee squirt out of his dick and onto the floor. He freezes in place, eyes going wide as he draws his legs in quickly and presses his thighs against each other, doing everything he can mentally to keep himself from breaking out into a full-out dance of desperation. Warmth runs down his legs from inside his shorts, and he barely manages to cut off the flow this time, so paralyzed by fear that he can barely get his body to listen to him.

“Nngh… Nadia, ” he hisses, eyes squeezed tightly shut. “I can’t…”

He hears footsteps pad back towards him through the shallow puddles on the floor, and then a hand comes to rest gently on his shoulder. “Come on, babe,” Nadia says, half-encouraging, half-commanding. “You can make it. Do it for me, okay?”

“But-”

“I’ll be so happy if you make it all the way,” Nadia says, her hand reaching around to curl at the back of his neck. “Won’t you at least try? Just for me?”

And fuck, if that doesn’t strengthen Alex’s resolve just enough to keep him going despite the raging need overtaking him, he’s not sure that anything will. With a muffled moan, he straightens up from his twisted, bent-in-half posture, takes a few shallow breaths, and opens his eyes. The sight of water flowing all around him does nothing to help his current situation, but he determinedly fixes his eyes on a dry spot on the wall and takes a shaky step forward, ignoring the wetness beginning to cool and become sticky on his legs.

He will make it to the bathroom, if only just to get far enough to wet himself somewhere private. If Nadia asks him to make it, he’s determined to do as she says, no matter if he thinks it’s within his capabilities or not. Even though his bladder is straining out from the waistband of his swim trunks, sending urgent messages increasingly quickly that he needs to let go now , or else. Even if he feels five seconds from exploding on the spot, so filled with beer and water that he isn’t sure how in the world he’s still hanging on. There’s nothing he won’t do for Nadia--he’s sure of that.

Another jet of hot, wet piss escapes him, but he grits his teeth and clenches his sphincter muscles together with a groan that gets lost in the sounds of the waterpark, and cuts it off once again. He can’t help but pause mid-step and shift his hips around in small, quick circles, and wish as hard as he can that he could put pressure on his crotch, even for just a few seconds . Any outside help would be much appreciated at the moment, but he knows if he lets himself grab his dick now, there’s no way he’ll be able to let go without losing the battle entirely. So instead he clenches his fists at his sides and bites down hard on his lip, taking another step towards the bathroom, a step towards release.

“That’s it, baby,” Nadia encourages him, her voice dropping low and smooth as she guides him through the crowd. “Just a little longer, and then you can pee to your heart’s content.”

“Ah… Ahh… ” he pants, eyes fluttering as they pass another section of the park. This one he’d noticed when they first walked in--it’s the kid’s area, complete with a wooden play structure and several buckets that fill to the top before tipping out onto the ground and the children below it. Were he in a better state, he’d compare his bladder to the buckets, as full as it can get and seconds away from wobbling over and spilling all over the ground in a loud rush of warm, sticky urine, coating his legs and his feet and spreading into a huge puddle on the ground.

“ Mmh !” he gasps, catching himself on Nadia’s shoulder as he bends forward. His knees turn inwards, locking together like magnets as he curls an arm protectively around his stomach, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he tries to rid himself of the mental image. Thinking about relieving himself, wetting himself at that, is a definite no-go right now. His body surely won’t be able to handle thoughts like that while battling a bladder this full.

“You have no idea how good you look right now, Alex,” Nadia says breathlessly, close to his ear. He feels her breath ghost over his cheek warmly, and raises his head just enough so that he can look into her eyes.

I’m doing this for you, he thinks passionately, too unsteady to trust himself to speak. It will all be worth it, when I make you proud…

“Come on,” Nadia says again, lower this time. “Let’s get moving. I want to get there as much as you do, you know.”

It’s a strange sentiment, but Alex can’t bring himself to think much about it right now. Instead he hobbles forward, taking smaller, more delicate steps to keep his bladder from being jostled around too badly. “Okay,” he agrees hoarsely, his voice shaking from want. Nadia smiles at him, secretive and seductive, then turns back around and continues on towards the bathrooms, her hips swaying back and forth as she moves. Alex stumbles after her, keeping one hand wrapped around his stomach. Maybe if he looks sick enough, people will move out of his way and leave him alone, and he’ll be able to get there faster.

They’re maybe a minute’s walk away from the bathrooms now at the rate he’s going. Every step is torture, feeling the slickness of tiny puddles under the pads of his feet, and hearing the rush of water, seeing it splash and flow everywhere he looks, but the look in Nadia’s eyes when she turns to check on him keeps him going. He’s not sure why, but he feels like she’s promising him something, if he can make it all the way there.

He counts the seconds to keep his mind from turning traitor on him, and just when they’ve reached fifty-two, he raises his eyes and almost starts to cry from relief. There, right in front of him, is the sign pointing to the bathrooms, located just around the corner. Finally! he thinks, a smile melting across his face. I can finally go! I’m so close! I just need to round the corner, and then I’ll finally be able to…

Oh.

No.

As he turns the corner, his eyes land upon the men’s bathroom, just a few feet down the hall… And the line that trails out of it. His bladder screams in horror as he takes in the dozen or so boys and men who are waiting patiently for their turn in the bathroom in varying levels of discomfort. He can see a few young boys shifting their wait around awkwardly, and even one or two of the men have uncomfortable grimaces across their faces, but none of them seem to be in the state of pure, anguished distress that’s wracking through him at the moment.

“No…” he whimpers, eyes beginning to water as hope seeps out of him. He’d been so close , so close to relief, to finally being able to empty himself… Now there’s no way he’ll be able to make it into the bathroom with his dignity still intact. And here, far away from the roaring water of the pool, everyone will be able to tell if he lets go and re-wets his swim trunks where he isn’t supposed to.

“Don’t worry,” Nadia says, and then a cool hand is sliding around his arm and pulling him in a different direction. “I have other plans for you, baby. Come with me.”

At peak desperation, Alex has no choice but to follow limply. His eyes light up as he notices where she’s dragging him; he can make out a sign proclaiming Single Stall Family Bathroom further between the walls of the park’s end, and if the little green tag on the door is anything to go by, it must be vacant. His bladder practically gives out the second she throws open the door, his eyes immediately hooked on the toilet in the corner of the room, and he can’t help but reach down to squeeze himself with all his might to keep the flood at bay for just a few seconds longer…

But before he can rush forward and whip himself out, Nadia is closing and locking the door behind him, and immediately pushing herself against him, locking her lips with his as she presses him into the door with a bang . “ Oh ,” Alex moans, eyes fluttering as he clutches himself through his shorts. “ Oh, Nadia, stop… I’m going to wet myself, I’m going to have an accident! ”

“No, you’re not,” Nadia says in a voice that screams sex. “Here, I’ll help you.”

With that, her hand dives down and joins his at his crotch, her fingers brushing up against his penis through the saturated fabric of his shorts, and the sensation of his girlfriend’s hand on him combined with the unbelievably urgency of his bladder is almost too much for him to handle. He lets out a cry of need, louder than he’d ever want to in a public space, and bucks up into her touch frantically, searching for more, more, more .

“Nadia, please,” he begs, a tear forming in the corner of his eye. “Please, I need… Oh… Ahh!”

“Shh,” Nadia shushes him, her other finger coming up to press against his lips as she continues to fondle him delicately. Her hand slips around his dick, fitting it within her fist as he starts to fill out despite his body’s needs. “I know just what you need, baby. Let me give it to you.”

“ Mh… Ah- Ah! ” Alex moans, surprised to find that he’s actually becoming quite hard. He’s never really tried to get hard while he’s desperate to go before; normally, Nadia has him hold it for her, and then they have sex. He’s also surprised to find that he kind of likes it, the experience of being full to the brim, bursting at the seams, and being touched like this at the same time.

“That’s right,” Nadia coos, then presses her lips to his again, fitting her body flush against his and grinding her leg against his crotch. Alex manages to tear his hand away, if only to get more friction from his girlfriend’s thigh against his cock. He doesn’t even care that there’s a toilet less than five feet away from him… He’s so turned on that the need to pee has come second in his mind’s ranking of what’s important right now.

In fact, he can feel himself start to lose it once again, his bladder rejecting the urine it’s been forced to store for so long. He moans hotly into Nadia’s mouth, and she clenches her fist tight around him, cutting off the stream as soon as she can feel it on her hand.

“Who said you had permission to go yet?” she murmurs seductively, her lips brushing his. “Come on, babe. You know better than that.

“S-Sorry,” Alex pants, eyelids fluttering as Nadia trails her fingers up his body, stopping at his bladder. “Please, no… If you do that, I’ll-”

“Don’t worry,” Nadia whispers, “I’m not that cruel. But I do think you need a punishment for letting go without permission.”

“Wh- What?”

“Hm…” Nadia taps her finger against her chin a few times, before her eyes light up once again. “I know,” she says decisively, and begins to move even closer, pressing her body against his. His hardness slots between her legs perfectly, the insides of her thighs warming the tented fabric of his swimsuit. She must be standing on her toes to get this angle on him, and even through the haze of desperation and arousal, he can’t help but find it cute.

“Wh- What are you d-doing?” he manages, but Nadia doesn’t reply. Her body is molded to his, chest pressed against him, legs squished up against his. Her weight settles lightly on his bladder, and he flinches back further against the door, but she doesn’t put any more pressure on it than she’s putting on the rest of his body. For one holy second, he wonders if he’s safe from her teasing, if maybe his “punishment” isn’t going to be so bad after all.

That’s when he feels the wetness start to collect in his swimsuit.

Alex gasps, his hand flying down to the front of his shorts to clutch himself, cut off the flow of hot, golden piss that’s somehow escaping him--only it’s not . It takes him a second to realize that he isn’t the one who’s peeing; Nadia is. Crushed up against him, with his dick between her legs, she’s the one letting go, getting her fluids all over the floor of the bathroom, and all over him. He lets out a strangled moan as the sound of splattering fills the room, as urine soaks the fabric around his incredibly sensitive penis. His bladder contracts harshly, and he can’t help but add his own little burst of piss into the mix, but being as hard as he is, it’s not as easy for him to let go as it might have been a few minutes ago.

Somehow, despite being the worst kind of torture he could possibly imagine, the idea of Nadia releasing herself onto him is almost… kind of hot, as well. He’s never really been into this kind of stuff the same way that she has, but something about her giving him a punishment for disobeying her command reminds him just how much he wants to please her, to make it up to her. He sucks in ragged breaths of air as she continues to go, pressed against his body so that the urine runs down both of them, and squeezes his eyes tightly shut, biting his lip against the need to relieve himself with her.

It feels like the moment never ends, and yet within half a minute, Nadia’s stream is tapering off, and she’s pulling away from him, using her pointer finger to trace a line down his cock, which is still straining hard inside of his shorts, oversensitive to the touch. He’s pretty sure his erection is the only thing keeping him from losing control of his body entirely, making him needy and desperate in a different way from before.

“Keep going, please ,” he pants, lip caught between his teeth as his eyes flutter open to meet Nadia’s. She smiles at him sweetly, and for a split second he’s sure she’ll indulge him just this once, but instead she steps back a few paces, drawing her hand away from his body and towards her own.

“I would,” she starts coyly, “but where’s the fun in that? I mean, what kind of reward would that be if I didn’t even give you a challenge?”

“ Nadia ,” Alex groans, reaching down to stroke himself without thinking. He’s so hard, so painfully erect, and combined with the fullness and sensitivity of his poor bladder, he’s pretty sure he won’t last another minute without coming or peeing, or both.

“What about this?” Nadia grins wolfishly at him, and he just knows something bad is coming. He can see it in the way her eyes sparkle mischievously, in the curve of her smile. “If you can make it back to the car, I’ll give you something even better than a handjob. You know what I mean?”

She winks, adorable, terrible, and teasing. Alex whimpers as she reaches out to remove his hand from his penis, where he’d been stroking it up and down almost without meaning to. He’s so overstimulated, he feels like he’s going to combust if he doesn’t come soon… But the idea of having sex with Nadia sounds all too tempting in the moment…

“C-Couldn’t we just do it here?” he asks shakily, eyeing the all too inviting toilet over her shoulder. He’s pretty sure he’ll start pissing the second he’s allowed to come, and he’d prefer to have somewhere to go nearby for when that happens. Plus, he really isn’t sure he’d be able to make it to the car--the parking lot is just outside the waterpark entrance, which is on the other side of the park. Walking past all that splashing, flowing water again… He shudders violently just thinking about it.

“Absolutely not,” Nadia says, mock offense in her voice. “There’s not enough privacy here! What if some family is standing outside right now, waiting to use the restroom, and they hear somebody moaning and panting from inside?”

“B-But-”

“It’s either in the car or not at all, Alex,” Nadia tells him firmly. Her voice has that kind of subtle command to it that most people don’t notice, but most people aren’t Alex. He’s had years to learn all about Nadia’s subtly voiced commands, and he’d consider himself an expert on this tone in particular at this point.

He must be absolutely insane, to give up the chance for the release he’s been craving for almost an hour and a half now, just to chase a different kind of release he hadn’t even wanted up until five or ten minutes ago. Any sane person would have kindly declined, let their body decide which need was more important, instead of letting what’s between their legs think for them. But Alex is so incredibly turned on right now, hard and straining visibly through his swim shorts, and every breath makes the fabric brush up against his dick so tantalizingly… He doesn’t think he can handle not taking Nadia up on her offer.

“Okay,” he pants, completely out of breath. His face feels flushed redder than a ripe tomato, and he’s sure he looks like a total wreck, even to people who don’t know he’s seconds away from exploding in more ways than one… But he doesn’t have it in him to care anymore. Even if he has to clutch himself all the way to the car, even if he has to stop every few seconds to dance around like a little child… He’s determined now more than ever to make it through the parking lot, and get his reward.

Nadia draws closer, leaning up on her tiptoes to press her lips against his one last time, before she pulls him away from the door and latches onto the handle, holding it open and swinging herself around to the other side. Alex takes as deep a breath as he can, trying his best not to squish his bladder any further, and casts one long, wistful glance back at the toilet sitting mere feet away from him, practically calling his name. He must be insane… But if there’s anything that sounds better than pissing his need away right now, it’s having the hottest sex of his life with his girlfriend.

With his mind made up, he turns and exits the bathroom once again, his bladder absolutely screaming in protest as he once again denies it the release it craves. He glances down and catches sight of the gentle swell of his bladder poking out from his stomach, as well as the not so subtle tent at the front of his shorts. He grimaces at both sights, hoping no one will pay him much mind as he hobbles out into the passageway behind Nadia. They must seem suspicious, a young couple walking out of a single-stall bathroom together, one with a clear erection and the other with an air of satisfaction about her. It’s crazy that they seem like that before they’ve even had a chance to have sex.

Alex has never been much of an exhibitionist; usually, his logic prevents him from doing anything as risky as this, but he finds that he doesn’t have it in him to care at this very second. Half of his mind is focusing on not coming in his shorts, the tantalizing brush of wet, saturated fabric against his most sensitive area a kind of torture he’s never known before. He’s pretty sure he’s never been this hard before, never needed sex so urgently. He feels the same way actors pretend to feel in cheesy pornos, where they beg and plead for their partners to let them come this very minute , or they’ll simply explode.

The other half of his brain is having relatively similar thoughts, although these are coming from his bursting bladder rather than his raging erection. His mind is occupied with keeping every liquid he can inside of his body, denying himself even the tiniest of leaks. He feels seconds away from losing the battle and flooding the floor around him with warm, golden urine, creating a pool of his own and at last feeling comfortable and empty again. The thought is so tempting that he feels himself spurt, despite his hard on, and has to bite his tongue hard to keep him from gasping out loud.

Uncaring of what anyone else thinks anymore, he shoves a hand into his crotch, squeezing his cock as hard as he can and hooking one leg over the other, making low whimpering sounds in the back of his throat as he tries to regain control. It feels like he’s holding back a literal ocean, and he’s reminded once again of the pints and pints of beer he’d ingested earlier, without ever once considering the desperate state they might leave him in. God, he can’t imagine that there’s even an ounce of space left in his poor, overfilled bladder. What if all of the beer hasn’t made its way inside yet? Can he possibly fit another drop?

He doesn’t ever remember being this desperate before, and there have been plenty of times when he’d lost control from less. Nadia likes to make him hold it at home, although she usually drags him into the shower with his clothes still on before he reaches this level of need. And even before he’d met her, there had been times when he’d been too busy at work or studying to get up and take care of his situation, which had left him feeling plenty full. Still, he doesn’t think he’s been this bursting in his entire life, in all twenty-one years of existence.

“Come on, babe,” Nadia says from above him (he must have hunched over at some point, because she’s usually about a head shorter than he is). “You’ve gotta keep going if you want your reward. Don’t worry, I’ll walk fast. I want to get there, too, you know.”

Alex can’t decide if it would be better for her to walk fast, and get him to the car quicker, or walk slow, and give his overworked body a break. He settles for clamping his mouth shut and hobbling after her, half-bent over and with a hand clutching his penis through his shorts. With every step he takes, the friction from his hand and swimsuit drive him crazy, and he feels tiny drops of urine escape from the head of his dick at the same time. Positively sure he can’t stop them, he settles for clenching his jaw tight and praying that the little dribbles don’t become a stream anytime soon.

They’re almost at the entrance to the park, and Alex is starting to regret letting his dick do the thinking for him. Sure, he’s still incredibly horny, and slipping inside his girlfriend would probably feel like heaven right now, but he’s pretty sure wetting himself in front of a thousand strangers at a kid-friendly waterpark would kill any erection he might have had before.

And oh , is he close to wetting himself. His abdomen feels like it’s been filled to the very top with water, and it’s all racing to get out, filling out his dick both with blood and with a thin stream of pee. He feels a longer jet escape and moans embarrassingly loudly, letting his other hand join his first clutching at his penis as he bobs up and down on one leg. He feels like a little kid, forced to hold it until he has permission to go, with a tiny bladder and a one-track mind. (Well, he supposes he’s a little more evolved than that--he is focusing on both not peeing himself and not coming, after all.)

With his hands between his legs, bent over forwards with his legs locked together at the knees, he presses on. People must be giving him the strangest looks, but he doesn’t pay them any mind, intent on getting to the car and finally taking care of his still raging erection. His eyes focus on the shape of Nadia’s body as she leads him out through the gates and into the massive parking lot, trying to keep his mind off of his bladder and think about his incredibly sexy girlfriend instead.

His foot hits the pavement, and immediately he’s hit with a gust of cold air as his body leaves the walls of the waterpark. Alex feels a full-body shudder and gasps as his bladder contracts sharply, eyes widening as he feels a long, three-second burst of piss explode past his sphincter muscles and re-wet his previously cold bathing suit. His legs, already sticky from half-dried piss, wobble under his body, and he moans once again, clutching himself as tightly as he can to get the flow to stop.

  “Nadia, Nadia !” he whisper-shouts, eyes practically crossing with the power of his desperation. “I need to go, I- I need to pee , now! I- haaah- can’t hold it!”

Nadia turns around, one hand on her hip, looking thoroughly unimpressed, yet he can tell from the spark in her expression that she’s still just as turned on as he is. “What, you can’t make it to the car?” she challenges, raising an eyebrow at him. “We parked so close to the entrance, though. It’s only what, thirty or forty feet away?”

“I can’t ,” Alex cries, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “I- I need to go so bad , I- haah, I have to go!”

Nadia steps forward and reaches down, pressing her own hand against his penis, and Alex moans again, torn between wanting friction and release. “Come on, baby,” she says, her voice low and sultry. “Don’t you want me? You know you can only have me if you make it.”

“I’m trying , b-but I’m so full ,” Alex gasps, panting, eyes rolling up to meet Nadia’s. “ Please, just let me-”

“No,” Nadia says. “You don’t have permission. You can’t go yet.”

With that, she removes her hand with a single upwards stroke, sending Alex’s mind into overdrive once again. Shakily, he takes a step forward, and feels a long gush of pee burst into his shorts and splatter tellingly onto the ground. He takes the shallowest breaths he can, feeling as if anything deeper than a short huff of air will cause him to burst on the spot.

He should have just taken the opportunity he’d had before and pissed in the family restroom when he’d had the chance. Now he’s out in the open, holding himself for dear life and mere seconds away from disaster. He’s not even sure if he’d be able to have sex with Nadia in his current state, no matter how aroused he is. What if he really does piss himself in front of everyone, all the innocent kids and judgemental parents? How will he ever live it down?

He supposes there was a reason why Nadia wanted to come to the furthest waterpark away from them, after all.

Another step sends another burst of pee splashing down onto the ground, and for all that Alex has leaked and spurted, he certainly doesn’t feel any better. He has to pause, bring one leg up off the ground to press his thighs together and bob up and down, shifting his hips this way and that as he makes quiet little panting noises, doing his best not to moan and sob out loud. He’s so full, he’s much too full , and he knows he won’t be able to last much longer at the rate he’s going.

But Nadia wants him to keep going, to push himself further than he has before. She’s fixated on him, he’s sure, even though it might not seem like it right at that moment. He can tell from the little looks she shoots him over her shoulder as he stands behind her and squirms frantically, and he knows the only thing on her mind right now is him.

It’s this thought that motivates him to untwist himself from the human pretzel he’d become and inch forward, trailing after his girlfriend with a string of pathetic, embarrassing whimpers and gasps falling from his lips. He thanks the stars that they actually did park relatively close to the waterpark’s entrance, only a few rows away from the gates. It gives him at least a little peace of mind, that he won’t have to stagger through the entire parking lot with two hands on his dick, vigorously avoiding eye contact with confused children and their scandalized parents as he goes.

He’s panting now, from the strain and effort his body is putting into staying upright, standing normally, and clenching every muscle he has control over. His body is shaking all over from the stress he’s putting it through, and his jaw is clenched so tightly that it hurts, but he hardly notices. All of the focus he has left is spent putting one foot in front of the other, and over, and over again, until he catches sight of the car about twenty feet away, just one row over.

He’s sure now, that he won’t be able to make it through sex. As painfully hard as he still is, the tiny part of his brain that’s still thinking rationally reminds him that he’s still leaking every few seconds, and that the pressure sex would put on his bladder would ultimately be his end. His new goal is to make it to the privacy of his car’s row, where he’ll be hidden between 

Finally! he thinks, relief washing over him all at once. Finally, he’s at the car, the final destination, the last goal for his tired, tortured body to work through. Soon he’ll be there, hidden amongst the tightly packed cars, and he’ll finally have the privacy and time he’s been denied for so long, he’ll finally be able to relax, let go, and let it all out…

It’s the thought of relief after hours of holding in so many pints of beer and glasses of water that ultimately proves to be too much for him, the final straw on the camel’s back--or rather, the last drop to make him overflow. He lets out a startled cry as he feels his muscles weaken for just a second, and a long, forceful stream of piss is suddenly flooding his cupped hands and splattering onto the ground noisily.

“ Ah! ” he gasps, squeezing his dick as tightly as he can and dancing about wildly, lifting his left leg to curl around his right and hunching over as he rotates his hips in frantic little circles, but it’s no use. As soon as he thinks he has the first stream under control, a second, longer spurt re-wets his hands and continues to puddle around him.

“Nadi- nngh, Nadia!” he exclaims, hunching over as more piss splatters onto the ground. “I’m- I can’t h-hold it anymore! Ahh, haah, I have to go!”

“Wait!” Nadia commands, whipping around and darting forward, one hand outstretched like she wants to help but can’t. “Alex, we’re in public. Don’t you want to make it back to the car?”

“I-I can’t ,” Alex sobs, letting out a shuddering breath as his body convulses. He’s too full, too filled, there’s too much water inside of him and it needs to get out now , or he’s going to explode.

He clenches his muscles as tight as he can, cutting off the third stream, and pain spikes through him from his abdomen into his stomach. Gasping, he falters, and urine gushes out of his cock like a faucet’s been turned on. “No, no no no ,” he pants, eyes wide as he crushes his cock between his hands, doing everything he can to stop the flow of pee from coming out. But it’s no use. His body is too tired, too overworked to even entertain the idea of holding it in for another second .

With a final pang of agony, his bladder contracts once again, and this time there’s no stopping the torrent of piss from splashing out of his still hard penis and onto the ground below him. He lets out an absolutely devastating moan of pleasure as his legs give out beneath him, landing on his knees on the rough pavement of the parking lot as urine pours out of him in buckets. The relief he feels is absolutely overwhelming, whiting out his brain and making him forget where he is, forget that people might be looking at him, forget everything that isn’t him focusing on the all-encompassing pleasure wracking his body.

He’s never felt this kind of release before, never experienced something so intense and mind-numbingly good . Even some of the best of his orgasms have never felt as wonderfully pleasurable as this moment, pissing to his heart’s content after over two hours of holding it in. He feels his flagging erection start to grow harder once again as the relief hits him head-on, leaving him loose-limbed and with an almost high feeling as he goes. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registers Nadia’s hand on the back of his neck, her hip against his shoulder as she stands in the puddle forming around him, but he can’t bring himself to open his eyes and apologize just yet.

After what must be over a minute of him going and going and going , his stream begins to weaken. Alex sighs, squeezing experimentally to get the last few drops out so he knows he’s completely and blissfully empty, and one by one his senses come back to him. The first thing he feels is rapidly cooling, sticky wetness from the crotch of his shorts all the way down his legs, pooling under his feet as he kneels in his own bodily fluids. The next thing he realizes is that he’s kneeling not only in a puddle of his own piss, but also in the middle of a public parking lot, with families and couples all around to see his shame.

His face flames red as his eyes fly open, and he makes horribly embarrassing eye contact with one or two shocked waterpark goers before his head turns to meet Nadia’s gaze. She’s smiling down at him, looking somewhere between exasperated and pleased, and that expression alone makes up for all of the embarrassment he’s suffering at the moment. She strokes his sweat-damp hair back from his face and bends down to press a kiss to the corner of his lips, but she pulls away when he chases after her for more.

“Not yet,” she tells him in the same sultry voice from before. “You’ve been bad, Alex. Bad boys don’t get any rewards, now, do they?”

“N-No,” Alex replies, eyes darting down to meet his own gaze in the reflection of the pool of piss. “I’m sorry, Nadia. I really couldn’t hold it any longer.”

And he really had wanted to please her, too. He’d tried so hard to hold on just for her, to be a good boy and do as she asked him to. He’s disappointed in himself that he couldn’t make it just the littlest bit longer, just to make her happy.

“It’s alright, baby,” Nadia whispers, brushing her fingernails against his cheek. “You’ll just have to try again once we get home, won’t you?”

“Try again?” Alex repeats, perking up just a little bit. Nadia giggles and reaches out a hand to help him to his feet. Cool urine rushes down his legs and he shudders from the feeling, as well as from Nadia’s touch against his chest as he rises.

“It’ll be even better when we’re at home,” she says lowly. “I’ll be able to make you hold it for as long as I want to, and we won’t have to hide from anyone anymore. You’ll be able to squirm and dance and moan as much as you want to… Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Despite the ache in Alex’s abdomen, and the overall bone tiredness throughout his body, he feels his dick react just the littlest bit at her words. His face is still flushed with embarrassment from having an accident in front of so many people, and he’s still sore and exhausted from coming down from such a long, tiring hold, but surprisingly enough, he finds that the scenario she’s describing sounds rather nice.

“Y-Yeah,” he agrees shakily as Nadia leads him to the car, a promise on her face. “Sounds good.”

Now he really can’t wait until they get home.

[miss-noo-na]

Sit Next To Me ( BM/Jae smut)

Title: Sit Next To Me

Featuring: BM (Kard) x Jae (Day6) x Reader

Rating: NC-17. Drinking & threeways!

Summary: You’re on vacation, staying in a summer home with two of your best friends. Things get a little too relaxed after a night of booze. 

Note: This story was a commission. If you would like one of your own, see the “request” link in my info!

When you entered the beach house you dropped your bags immediately, heading for the large windows at the other side of the living room, throwing open the curtains and taking in the sight of a blue ocean and pale sand. You sighed as you pressed your forehead against the glass, drinking in the beautiful scene.

As you listened to the waves crashing outside, you realized how quiet it was inside.

“I must be the first one here,” You thought, standing up straight again. Before you could turn, you felt a pair of arms encircle your waist and hoist you off the ground as you shrieked.

“Surprise!” A familiar voice said, and when you recognized it you started to pry at the hands.

“Matthew put me down!” You demanded as he carried you away from the window and dropped you on the couch.

“Nice to see you, too.” He smiled down at you.

You had been friends for a long time, though you hadn’t seen much of each other lately. You were both busy, him for obvious reasons, but you having your own things going on. It was rare you ever found yourself in the same city at the same time, so you couldn’t even meet up for coffee like old times. When he told you he was renting a vacation home for a week with some mutual friends, you jumped at the opportunity, not just to see him again but also to get away from work and life.1

“This place is great,” You commented, standing to fetch your bags. “Where’s my room?”

“Anywhere you like, you get first dibs,” He gestured down the hall and you bounded away before he could even finish the sentence. You went for the master, naturally. It had an amazing view and a private bathroom, everything you could have ever wanted.

“Have you talked to the others?” He called down the hall, and after dropping your things and staking your claim, you came back into the living room.

“I was texting with Jae this morning, I think his flight got in about a half hour ago.” You said, pulling your phone out of your back pocket to see if there were any updates.

Through someone as charismatic as Matthew, it was only natural you would come to befriend those he befriended, and since Jae ran in the same circles as you both, it was no surprise you clicked with him right away. The three of you didn’t get to spend time as a group that often, but you were constantly hitting each other up online and had probably one of the best group chats on the planet, they both constantly had you laughing out loud in inappropriate places. Knowing you would all be in the same house together soon filled you with ecstatic, happy butterflies.

“Oh cool, he’s on his way,” You smiled when you read your most recent texts.

“So how’ve you been?” You asked, plopping down on the couch and inviting him to sit and chat, which he did.

“Tired.” He laughed, “Busy, but good.”

“I bet, this is just what we all needed.” You nodded, then glanced toward the kitchen, and he spoke up as if reading your mind.

“I got in early and went shopping, there’s plenty of food and booze.” He said, and you smiled wide and reached over to pat him on the shoulder.

“I knew I could depend on you.”

One or two at a time, more friends arrived, people you were familiar with and some you weren’t, friends of friends, but Matthew assured you it wasn’t going to get too crowded. Jae arrived and you jumped up to give him a hug.

“Oh, he gets a hug and I get a “put me down, put me down.” Matthew commented, making his voice higher and whinier to mock you.

“He’s nicer than you.”  You teased and Jae laughed, “Yeah, duh. We all know I’m her favorite.”

Matthew scrunched up his face in your direction before leaving to tend to his guests.

“What’s up?” You turned back to Jae, helping him take a bag.

“Same ol’. Exhausted, ready to do nothing. Hey, is that bedroom taken?” He asked, peering down the hall.

“No dice, it’s mine.” You grinned triumphantly.

“Of course it is.” He deadpanned as he started down the hall to find something for himself.

“Well, I hope you don’t mind me being your neighbor, then.” He said, kicking the door across the hall open with his foot.

“I prefer it, actually.” You said, following him in to hand off one of his bags. Jae collapsed on the bed with a sigh and laid back, so you came to sit next to him.

“It’s supposed to be a party and everyone looks like they’re ready to nap.” You laughed, looking down at him. His face was serene, eyes closed under his glasses and hair tousled.  When he wasn’t talking he looked awfully cute, in a boyish way.

“Man, a nap sounds great.” He sighed again.

“Nope, not today.” You said, standing and pulling on one of his arms as you did so. He groaned and let himself be dead weight.

“I thought I was on vacaaaaation.” He whined, not relenting or even opening his eyes.

“We’ll sleep when we’re dead. Come on,” You tugged again, and finally he bowed forward and pulled himself to his feet.

“Fine.” He said in a mock-aggressive tone. You slapped him on the back twice, “That’s the spirit!”

When you had returned, most of the guests had found their quarters and were congregating in the kitchen. Snacks had been haphazardly tossed onto the counter because Matthew was more preoccupied with making drinks. You took it upon yourself to help out, finding some bowls and setting out chips and whatever else you could find. He shot you a smile from across the way, a silent thanks for the help, and you felt appreciated for your effort.

“My co-hostess also deserves a drink.” He approached later after he had gotten everyone else squared away, handing you something mixed in a cup.

“What’s this?” You asked, sniffing the concoction, the stinging sweetness hitting your nostrils.

“Just my famous jungle juice, which is a secret.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you as he took a drink from his own cup. You didn’t trust it for a moment, knowing it was probably full of all kinds of things that could get you fucked up, but then you remembered you were secluded in a cushy beach house with friends and a bedroom mere feet away. You shrugged and took a drink.

It burned all the way down, but it wasn’t as bad as you thought, and you nodded in approval. “Okay, strong but not disgusting. Good job.”

“I’m glad you’re pleased, madam.” He bowed forward.

“Make Jae one.” You said, tipping your chin in the punch bowls direction.

“Are we sure his skinny ass can handle it?” He said with a smirk.

“Hey!” Jae yelled from across the room, which made you chuckle.

Once the glass was poured, you brought it over to where Jae sat on the couch, nudging his leg with yours so he could make room for you. He scooted, and you plopped down, handing him the cup.

“This is gross” He scowled after his first drink.

“Well I’m sorry it's not whatever fancy champagne they put in your dressing rooms.” You rolled your eyes.

“Are you accusing me of being bougie? Me?” He feigned offense, placing his other hand on his chest.

“I’m just saying, you might be getting too comfortable these days.” You gave him a sideways glance as you took a sip. You were mostly pulling his leg, but he didn’t need to know that yet.

“Whatever! I’m as down to earth as I’ve ever been. You wanna go to McDonalds? I will eat a big mac in front of you.”

You laughed, shaking your head. He always found a way to amuse you.

As the night wore on, chill music pumped from a stereo in the corner and the overall mood was relaxed, with occasional fits of laughter at a joke or a story. You felt warm, the alcohol working its way over your body to relax you and give you a flighty feeling. You stopped before you hit your limit, because you enjoyed the nice buzz you had going, still aware but a little more loose, your words and your thoughts flowing freely, tension easing.

People started to break off into groups or head to bed, and you found yourself alone for a moment, until you spotted Matthew in the room adjacent to the living room. You hadn’t ventured in there yet, but when you did you saw it was a theater room, with a couch that looked more like a bed, cushions long and wide enough to lay on, which is exactly what he was doing.

“This is so cool!” You almost shouted,  letting yourself fall down on the cushions next to him. He laughed, rolling toward you. His eyes were half open and he looked comfortable.

“Are you sleepy?” You asked, reaching up to push your hands through his hair. He closed his eyes and  hummed in response, nodding his head.

“Your jungle juice was too strong, huh?” You giggled.

“No way, it was perfect.” He mumbled, opening his eyes.

“Jae thought it was gross.”

“Jae is gross.” He shot back.

“Are you talking about me?” You heard a voice enter the room.

“Jae, come lay down, it’s so comfy.” You said happily, patting the spot next to you.

He circled the couch and much like you, let himself fall on his back on the other side of you.

“Oh no.” He said, staring up at the ceiling.

“What?”

“It’s so comfy, I can’t move.”

“I told you.”

“Who invited him?” Matthew asked, opening his eyes fully.

“Hey, you leave him alone.” You smacked him playfully, surprised then when he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against his chest.

“I haven’t seen you in months.” He breathed against your neck, sending a chill down your spine. You laughed awkwardly to conceal it.

“Well, neither has Jae. Right, Jae?”

Jae opened his eyes and lulled his head toward you, then narrowed his vision in confusion at what he saw.

“Yeah, you’re not the only one she hasn’t spent any time with.”

“She likes me more.” Matthew smiled, squeezing you tighter and burying his head between your neck and shoulder, then nuzzled his nose against you. “Right, baby?”

This wasn’t the first time he had been flirtatious with you, especially while drinking, but this felt different. It was a mishmash of feelings, complicated by how much you were enjoying it.

You reached down, pulling his hands off you and turning onto your back so you could face him, thinking it would help. Instead you were now incredibly close to him, almost nose to nose as he looked down at you.

“I like you both.” You said, trying to go along with the joke but it came out in a different way.  Matthew was smirking, and getting closer.

“How much?” He asked in a mischievous drawl. You couldn’t answer even if you wanted to, because his lips connected with yours, melting down into you and you took it in, letting him kiss you slow and deep. Your eyelids fluttered for a moment in surprise, but thanks to the alcohol and the lush feeling of his mouth you found yourself not just surrendering to it, but actively responding.

It was a kiss that made your cheeks feel hot and mind dizzy, and when he pulled back you had almost forgotten where you were, opening your eyes and peering over at Jae, who still laid stock-still on his back only now he stared, eyes much wider than before.

“That’s my queue, ladies and gentleman.” He said, pushing himself up to leave.  

You reached out and grabbed his shirt sleeve, tugging him back. “Don’t go.”

He laughed, “You want me to sit here and watch you make out with my friend? I’m good.”

You trailed your fingertips down his arm and felt a shiver go through him.

“I want you to stay.”

You didn’t entirely know why you were saying what you were saying, you just knew you really wanted him here with the both of you.

“Yeah, it’s your turn.” Matthew said in a teasing tone, yet somehow completely serious at the same time.

Jae glanced at you over his shoulder and you grinned.

“Come here,” You said softly, tugging on his arm again. He looked reluctant, but he gently laid back down facing you, blinking at you in anticipation.

You reached out and caressed his jaw and neck, and were relieved when he relaxed under your touch. Your thumb and grazed over his lips and he lowered his eyelids, swallowing a lump in his throat.

“Do you want to kiss me?” You asked quietly.

“Of course he does.” Matthew laughed behind you, and you smiled but mostly ignored the comment, waiting for his response.

It came in the form of him leaning forward, pushing past your hands and planting his mouth against yours. The first thing you thought was how different it felt kissing him than Matthew, softer and more tender, but you enjoyed both. He didn’t hesitate as much as you thought he would, already seeking entrance to your mouth, the tip of his tongue meeting yours. You almost jumped out of your skin when you felt another pair of lips against the back of your neck, Matthew’s hand laying on your hip and pulling you back against him.

A little voice in the back of your mind was screaming that this was crazy, but it was drowned out by the pleasure that rushed over your skin like warm honey, enveloped by the touches and kisses of both men at either side of you.

One seemed to spur on the other unknowingly. When Jae deepened his kiss, Matthew’s nips and sucks got more insistent along your neck and shoulders. When Matthew tugged you back against his hips, Jae’s hands found their way to your neck, falling down your chest to your breasts to be groped. Your senses were overwhelmed, but you didn’t want it to slow down, you just wanted to see how much further it would go, how much pleasure they could give.

When you were finally able to come up for some air you were panting, your entire body on fire.

“Can I…” Jae swallowed and seemed to stop himself, realizing what exactly was happening and searching your face for some kind of confirmation. You had an idea of what he wanted, by the way his fingertips fidgeted around the edge of your shirt, but he almost looked too shy to ask and that made you want to kiss him again.

You nodded, guiding his hands where you knew he wanted them, and at the same time felt Matthew’s teeth sink into your neck. When he saw your shirt coming off over your head, he laughed.

“These might as well go, too.” He said, slipping his fingers inside the waistband of your pants, but waiting for your approval. You gave him a coy look over your shoulder, and he took you by the jaw to kiss you as his other hand tugged the garment over your hips and down your thighs.

“What are we doing?” Jae laughed awkwardly, and when you turned back to him you saw the way his eyes scanned the entirety of your body, now only in your bra and panties.

“Whatever we feel like.” Matthew said, “It’s our vacation.”

Despite this, you could tell Jae continued to look unsure, more-so like he wanted so much more but was afraid to go after it. You took his hands in yours and brought them to your torso.

“You can touch me, it’s okay.” You grinned as you pecked him on the mouth.

Getting your blessing eased his anxiety, leaning in to plant kisses along your collarbone as he explored with his hands. Matthew was unsurprisingly more bold, listening and feeling for your responses and acting accordingly.  He trailed his fingertips down your spine before grabbing your ass, then sliding them under the flimsy fabric.

You gasped and arched back when you felt him brush against your folds, his index and middle finger wiggling their way in from behind. He pressed on your entrance, your juices coating his digits.

“God, you’re wet.” He breathed, like this was the realization that this wasn’t a joke anymore and he was really about to do this to you, and you both wanted it.

“It’s kind of hard-” You stopped to mewl as his fingers started to press into you, “n-not to be, oh god.”

“I’m being honest when I say I’ve never thought about what you sound like when you moan.” Matthew started, the satisfaction on his face apparent, “But I’m so glad I know now.”

There was no longer any mistaking how turned on all three of you were, throwing all caution aside and letting yourself give into it. This of course meant you wanted to be bold too, and took the opportunity when you saw the way Jae’s face flushed and he started to squirm listening to you moan while Matthew fucked you with his fingers.

You touched his chest first, dragging your hand down to the front of his pants, and he watched helplessly, his cheeks turning an even brighter shade of red.

“You don’t have to d-”

You silenced him with your mouth on his, your tongue pushing past his lips to roll over his, happy with how he groaned into your mouth as you undid the front of his pants and slipped your hand inside.

Jae sucked in a sharp breath as you wrapped your fingers around him, applying pressure as you started to stroke. You met his eyes, and drank in the sight of each other consumed in pleasure, your hands on him while Matthew worked you over from behind. He didn’t like being left out, though, and you could hear him fumbling around behind you with his other hand, though his fingers never stopped their deliberate massaging motion against your inner walls.

You knew exactly what he’d been doing when his length pressed hot and hard against your lower back, and you rocked back into him again. He brought his mouth back to your neck, kissing his way up to your ear.

“I wanna fuck you.”

You almost choked on air at his words, gripping Jae a little harder in your hand, your stomach dropping with a mixture of nerves and excitement. Could you really let him do that? Right here and now on this couch with Jae right in front of you? A small rational piece of your mind tried to warn you of the potential danger of this, how things might change, but arousal was clouding your judgement and you just wanted him inside you.

You pressed your hips back into him, using your free hand to pull your panties off. He hooked his hand inside your thigh and pulled your legs apart, nudging your entrance with the head of his cock.

“Are you sure?”

You looked back at him and nodded, letting a sly smile curl over your mouth as you rocked yourself back and forth, letting him feel it. His brow creased and he moaned, not needing anything else as he slid himself inside you.

You turned back and gasped, clawing at Jae’s shoulder with one hand and stroking him harder with the order. His eyes had fallen shut as he pushed his hips forward into your grip, falling into you and pressing his mouth against your shoulder.

The angle was awkward at first, but Matthew was able to find a steady rhythm holding your thigh and pushing himself inside you before drawing back and doing it again. From here, he was able to thrust up into a spot inside you that had your eyes squeezing shut and your nails digging into Jae’s shoulder, which he didn’t seem to mind, too lost in his own feelings.

Matthew’s hand moved, gliding over your lower abdomen before reaching around and between your legs where he could press his fingertips over your clit. He knew exactly what he was doing and you almost wanted to fight against it, that’s how good it felt.  Instead, you took it, and met him when you could, rolling your hips back and loving the sounds it brought out of him. Alternatively, you also reveled in how just your hand was bringing Jae to the edge and he was whimpering into your neck, rocking forward to seek more friction.

“I’m close,” Matthew ground out through his teeth, “But you need to come first.”

“Harder,” You insisted in a whine, and he chuckled breathlessly.

“You like it rough, eh?” He asked, clearly amused despite his mounting orgasm. With that, he pulled back and slammed himself in, picking up the pace and rubbing you faster. You could barely keep your grip on Jae now, eyes closed as you focused on your release. He didn’t mind, though, pulling back to watch your face, feeling your heat and wanting it just as badly as you did.

“Come on, baby.” He whispered to you, bringing his mouth close to yours. “That’s it.”

You pulled in a lungful of air before it came out in a long, desperate moan of release as your orgasm rocked your body. Matthew pulled your hips back and you down on his cock as he worked your orgasm out of you with his other hand. As you started to come down, Jae took your face in his hands and kissed you.

“Fuck, yes.” Matthew growled, giving a few more hard thrusts against your pulsing walls before pulling out and releasing on his lower abdomen. He pressed his forehead against your back and panted.

You took a moment to regain your breath and thoughts before you threw a leg over Jae’s hips and rolled him over you. Matthew lay on his back  next to you, breathing hard and recovering. When he glanced over he laughed at the bewildered look on Jae’s face now that he was on top of you.

“Fuck me,” You told him with a smile, and Jae blinked down at you.

“Are y-”

He was about to question you just like Matthew had, but you didn’t have patience for his dorky nice guy hesitation, even though you did appreciate it.

Instead, before he could finish the thought, you reached down and took him into your hand and guided him inside you, pressing your hips up so he would sink all the way in at once.

“You su-holy shit.” He finished in a shaky moan, which had you suppressing a giggle.

You knew he wasn’t going to last long, not with the way you’d been teasing him with your hand before, bringing him right to the edge but not letting him finish. You didn’t mind, though, and now made it your mission to make him come undone.

Once Jae got his bearings he began to thrust, and ended up dropping down, finding his favorite place nestled in your neck again. He liked being close, cocooned into you completely, and it made you feel warm and wanted.

Matthew was sleepy and coming out of his buzz, and he simply watched, intrigued as you tugged at Jae’s hair and encouraged him.

“Ah, ah,” He whined against your skin as you rolled your hips against him, pulling him deeper with your legs. Finally he jerked forward and let out a low moan, his whole body tensing up, then relaxing all at once. 

He laid there panting for a moment, finally finding the strength to pull out and fall back to his original place.

“And this is only the first night.” Matthew quipped with a devious grin.

[demaury]

As long as skies are blue

The gang and the girls are spending some well-deserved time off at the beach after the end of the school year. Read on AO3.

“I’d suck that dick right there and then.”

The statement emanated from one of the two girls before him, both no older than Lucas, as he was impatiently waiting in the queue to grab some ice cold drinks from the food truck stationed a street away from the beach front. It would have been easier if anyone among their friends had 9.50€ to spend on a water bottle from one of those many beach bars popping out every now and then, or simply if Lucas had enough strength to walk the five more blocks separating their spot on the beach from the nearest convenience store — at least, maybe he wouldn’t have been losing nearly thirty minutes of his time, just waiting for a fucking kid to pick a flavor for his morning ice-cream. 

Somehow, Eliott graduating and a string of meetings with the Demaurys had been enough to convince them that the idea of a group of unsupervised teens in their vacation house for a couple of days, a few minutes away from Marseille, wasn’t as reckless as it seemed. The Gang and the girls had flocked in at Eliott’s flat the evening after his boyfriends’ parents had agreed to the trip, and after a long debate including Daphné repeating every three minutes that they needed to get to Barcelona by the last week of July, they had managed to squeeze in ten days, between the BAC results and the girls leaving, the Bakhellals' and Demaurys’ family vacations, and the weekend Emma was supposed to spend with her mom in Italy.

“Lulu, you’re free?”, Basile had asked at some point.

He had shrugged, leaning back against the couch. “I’m pretty short on family gatherings.”

And so that’s how they had all ended up here. 

Lucas wasn’t sure that riding a hangover by 30°C was the smartest idea ever, so the thing to do would probably be to find their way back home before the temperature hit that number. They had spent the day (and the night) before at some music fest they had stumbled on by accident. Lucas and Eliott’s tipsy selves had been leading the way back, followed by the girls singing their lungs off to a tune Lucas was sure he should have been able to recognize. Then there had been Yann and Arthur, whose job had essentially been to drag a shitfaced Basile, occasionally preventing him from chasing a cat down the street or going off running in the waves. By six in the morning, everyone was too tired to make the trip back to the Demaurys’ vacation house, so they had taken a break on the shore that had been stretching ever since.

Lucas’ mind snapped back in place when the girl’s friend started laughing annoyingly, joining her in her blatant staring from behind her sunglasses. A distinctive huff of disapproval came from the elderly couple waiting in the second queu to their left, and Lucas felt a lot like imitating them. See, he was certainly no angel, and no blushing virgin. After turning 12, everyone around him had started talking about groping and grabbing, about shoving tongues in all kinds of places and twisting their bodies at weird angles just for the sake of experimenting. Basile alone had made about a quarter of those comments in the single year he had known him, and if anything, hanging out with Emma and Alexia had opened his eyes on the fact that girls could be very vocal about the matter as well.

However.

There was a line between admitting that gender equality also applied to conversations about sex, and gracefully accepting that the aforementioned conversation turned out to be about his boyfriend’s dick — the dick he was the only one to suck, thank you very much. He couldn’t decently pick a fight (if he ever did, he would never live this one down), so he did the only thing he could at the moment: he glared. He glared, he scowled, he threw daggers, so much that it felt like third grade and trying to use the Force all over again.

Neither of the girls seemed to notice him, still too focused on Eliott, who was leaning against a street barrier further down the street. From what Lucas knew he was on the phone with his parents, as part of the deal they had made with the Demaurys at the beginning of their vacation, and the small crease between his brows only emphasized the fact that he was totally oblivious about the rest of the world.

The family of three at the top of his line eventually decided on an ice-cream flavor for their stupid kid and walked away after paying, leaving a clear space between the girls and the food truck. “Can you move?” Lucas blurted out, irritated.

The two girls looked at him as if they were suddenly registering his presence for the first time.

“Oh, c’mon, chill out dude,” the blonde one said, shrugging in annoyance.

She and her friend took a slow step to the food truck and started ordering the most obnoxious flavors of ice-cream he had ever heard. When the brunette uttered the word ‘vegan’, he practically face-palmed himself, and had to reach for his phone in order to unleash some deep-rooted hatred for the human kind threatening to spill out.

lucallemant

i’m gonna die from fucking old age here

y4z4s

where’s your boo

lucallemant

busy looking like a 3 course meal

y4z4s

???

lucallemant

he’s on the phone with his mom

people stare

i hate it

He hadn’t even hit the ‘send’ button yet that the affected tone of the blonde girl made its way to his ears again, instantly giving him murder vibes.

“How much do you bet I can get him?”, she asked conversationally, as if every single one of her words wasn’t making Lucas want to rip off his own skin.

Her friend scorned. “Hands off, you’ve got Matthieu already.”

“Like he’s not doing the same in Madrid,” the blonde waved dismissively. “You let me five minutes with him I get an insta account. Ten and I get a date.”

“Hasn’t it occurred to you that he might not be interested?” Lucas snapped before he even thought about it beforehand.

The brunette spared him a glance above the metallic frame of her sunglasses. “Everyone’s interested. Ever heard of summer love?”

Lucas scoffed. “What are you, 13?”

“Don’t be pissy, someone will suck your dick someday.”

He almost laughed. Before he could answer, there was a sudden rise of eyebrows on both girls’ faces, and then someone lifting the snapback from his head, startling him a little as he spun around.

Eliott nonchalantly put it on, as if the stare of the two girls was something he couldn’t decently get bothered with — and, all things considered, maybe he wasn’t, not when you’d been looking like that all your life. “Thanks for keeping it for me babe,” he said, beaming at Lucas. “I thought I’d never get to hang up.” His boyfriend glanced around after a second of nothing. “Making friends?”, he asked, a hint of tease lingering in his voice.

Asshole, Lucas thought, barely biting back a snort. Instead he turned so that his whole body was now facing Eliott’s, narrowing his eyes with a disarming honesty he knew well enough Eliott had troubles resisting. “Of course not, you’re the only thing I need in my life baby,” Lucas said sweetly, his arms snaking behind his neck as he stood up on his tiptoes to claim his mouth.

Eliott let out the tiniest chuckle as their lips met. The world faded out when he started sucking onto Lucas’ bottom lip, his hands hovering dangerously low on the small of his back and sliding under the hem of his tee-shirt to brush at the skin.  

Someone cleared their throat and Lucas’ eyes fluttered open, breaking the kiss. Inside of the food truck, the lady was waiting for them to order, but Lucas couldn’t tell if her cheeks were red because of the heat or because they had gone full PDA-mode. Eliott coughed a little to hide his laugh, and Lucas racked his brain for a second before searching for the list he had hastily typed when everyone had suddenly started mistaking him for their slave. He ordered the bunch of water bottles and snacks they needed to stay alive for a while, then turned back to Eliott as the lady was busy going through the fridges to gather everything.

“Since when are we a ‘babe’ couple, by the way?”, he asked bluntly.

Eliott’s eyes crinkled in amusement, putting his sunglasses back. “You don’t like it?”

Lucas tilted his head to the side, pouting a little bit as he turned innocent eyes on him. “I like everything about you, baby.” Then, as Eliott started laughing, he went back to his normal mode. “No, seriously. I’m not sure I’m ready to get called out about it. They already make fun of me for being ‘all over you’,” he groaned, mimicking the quotation marks.

Eliott shrugged nonchalantly, making his collarbones pop a little under his skin. “Alright, we’re keeping it out of the way, if you stop with that… thing.”

“What thing?” Lucas turned to the food truck to pay for the drinks and grab the two kraft bags the woman was handing him from above the counter.

“Oh baby, take me right now,” Eliott said, mirroring his voice from earlier, as he gallantly took the bag with the drinks inside.

Lucas practically dropped his own. “I never said that,” he muttered, cheeks burning. 

“No, but that’s what my dick heard,” Eliott snorted, sliding an arm around his neck and ruffling his hair.

Lucas rolled his eyes. 

“And here I thought I was dating a literature student.”

[hermannsthumb]

Hey dude!! Never done this before so I’m sorry if I screw it up but love the prompts you reblogged and thought I’d give it a try. Newmann wedding fics are the cutest things in my opinion so I thought possibly write a combination of 16, 7, and or either 2 or 9. Your newmann fics are the absolute best, I read them whenever I’m having a really bad day and they always cheer me up. Your a fantastic writer and you have such and amazing personality! I Hope you have a lovely day

16: Weddings, 7: Beach, 1: Fireworks, 2: Sunburn AND 9: Stargazing, 

from summer prompt memes here

combining yours with @francissaintgermain​ for a double whammy of wedding...AND THANK U BOTH for the really sweet words :’)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Seems a bit of a hassle, if you ask me,” Hermann says. “All this bloody planning, and money, and effort—”

“It’s not a hassle,” Newton says. “I mean, it is, but—it’s gotta be worth it, you know? It’s romantic.”

It takes Hermann a great deal of effort to not roll his eyes. Newton’s idea of romantic includes necking on the couch while Ghostly Encounters plays on the television set and showing Hermann how many pieces of sushi he can cram into his mouth at once. (His record is ten, and he would’ve kept going if Hermann didn’t remind him that they were in a very nice restaurant and he paid quite a lot for the reservation.) It isn’t what Hermann meant, anyway. “I’m not talking about weddings in general,” he says. “I mean this sort. With all the—” He waggled his hand vaguely. “Extravagance.”

Extravagance did not fully encompass everything this wedding was. Hermann’s cousin and his fiance—wife, now, Hermann supposed—-had rented out a massive chunk of beach for it, with all the trappings of the sorts of things you’d expect for a beach vacation. Bouquets of tropical flowers. Bridesmaids in flip-flops. Seagulls swooping down every few minutes. Tiki torches at the end of each aisle of chairs, one of which had nearly caught the sleeve of Newton’s gaudy Hawaiian shirt (“I have to dress for the theme, babe,” he insisted) on fire when he passed it. It would’ve been nice if they hadn’t set the damned thing at midday, with the sun broiling overhead and making everyone squint and almost certainly burning Hermann alive, despite the long-sleeved linen shirt and sunhat he donned, and the fine layer of sunscreen Newton took a bit too much sensual pleasure in applying to him back in the hotel room. None of the other Gottliebs (genetically predisposed to pastiness) appear to be faring much better: Hermann spies his aunt a few rows up, who’s beginning to resemble a surly, dark-haired tomato.

Still. Hermann’s the only one of his immediate family to be invited, and his cousin paid for their airfare and hotel room, which is in some outrageously expensive resort with a spa and mimosas at the complimentary breakfasts that Hermann thinks Newton would call bougie, and they’ve got it for a week at that, so Hermann can’t bring himself to complain too much. It’s not as if he’s had the chance to go on many vacations in the last decade. The break is well-deserved and nice.

Newton leans in close with a grin and a nod to the front of the aisle, where the bride and groom have taken each other’s hands. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Gottlieb that happy in my life.”

“Nonsense,” Hermann says, and then realizes Newton does make a fair point: it’s not just Hermann’s aunt on the groom’s side of the aisle who’s surly. (Genetic predisposition to pastiness and melancholy, he supposes.) He goes for a different approach. “I’m certain I looked that happy on our wedding day.”

“You were kinda just crying the whole time, dude,” Newton says.

Hermann flushes. He had cried a little bit. “It was—er—overjoyed crying.”

“It was cute,” Newton says, grin softening out into something a bit dopier. He slings his arm around Hermann’s shoulders, and Hermann can’t help but lean in to his touch and smile back.

They both startle a moment later when the crowd suddenly begins clapping; the couple have finished reciting their vows, it appears. “Thank fuck,” Newton whispers. “I’m starving. I hope they have those tiny cream puff things at the reception.”

They don’t, but they have plenty of seafood (apt for the theme). Newton settles on filling a plate with a comical amount of jumbo-sized shrimp and some crab legs. The reception is likewise on the beach, under a great big tent lit up with lanterns and more torches only a short walk down from where the ceremony took place, and Hermann has to admit he’s beginning to see the appeal of the extravagance of it all. The oppressive heat’s dissipating, finally. The sea breeze’s picked up enough to ruffle the ends of Hermann’s hair and even make him shiver (and lean in a touch closer to Newton). The sunset’s gorgeous on the horizon. Even the live band is pleasant, and Hermann recognizes one song as something Newton’s played for him on the guitar before.

After dodging a fair number of his relatives, most of whom give Newton (with his tattoos and ear piercings and tiny Godzillas patterned on his shirt) side-eyes even before he lunges in and catches the bride’s bouquet, only to guiltily throw it back when he realizes it’s for the unwed partygoers, Hermann and Newton find their assigned table at the edge of the dance floor and sit down to watch the fireworks show overhead. Because of course the wedding party sprung for fireworks. “God, I fucking love this,” Newton says, beaming like an overeager child. “We should’ve had fireworks at ours.”

“Ours was indoors,” Hermann reminds him.

“I didn’t mean inside the building,” Newton says.

He downs a third of the frozen daiquiri he got from the bar and offers the rest out to Hermann, who shakes his head. “Do you wanna dance?” Newton says. His lips look sticky, vaguely red, and terribly inviting, so Hermann steals a quick kiss before he bothers responding.

“In a bit, perhaps,” he says. His hand drifts up to cup the side of Newton’s face. His cheeks are rougher than usual: he forgot to pack his razor, and they haven’t had the time to find anywhere that sells disposable ones yet. Hermann doesn’t mind it, though it’d tickled like mad in bed last night when Newton tried to kiss his throat. “I think I’d like to go for a walk.”

Newton nods and unhooks Hermann’s cane from the back of his chair, then, almost as an afterthought, crams several of the shrimp from his plate into the top pocket of his shirt. Hermann makes a face. “No use in wasting them,” Newton says. He holds the cane out to Hermann.

They walk, arm-in-arm, far enough down the beach that the tent becomes a dim glow and the music barely audible before they ease themselves down on the sand and spread out. Above them, stars are beginning to appear. The night sky is far clearer and far more devoid of light pollution out here than anywhere else Hermann has been before; Newton, excitedly, points out three shooting stars before Hermann’s even made himself comfortable. (Another pleasant benefit of this all.)

Newton’s shirt is unbuttoned enough to give Hermann a glimpse of the kaiju piece that spans across his chest. Hermann used to hate it. Hermann used to hate a lot of things about Newton. “I ran into your uncle at the buffet table,” Newton says. “Mustache. Looks just like your dad. He didn’t believe me when I said I was your husband. What constellation is that?”

“Hercules,” Hermann says automatically. “Do you regret it?”

Newton turns to frown at him. “Do I regret what?”

“Our wedding,” Hermann says. “It wasn’t very—flash.”

It’d been quick. In and out. Courthouse affair barely even two months after they closed the Breach. Newton wore a bow tie borrowed from Tendo, Hermann slacks with a coffee stain on the left leg. They didn’t even have a honeymoon. It seemed romantic at the time, almost as if they were eloping—they loved each other, after all, they had in silence for a decade, they saved the world together, they drifted together. They’d been in each other’s heads. It seemed foolish to wait.

“Oh.” Newton laughs. “Of course I don’t regret it.”

“You wouldn’t have preferred all this?”

“Dude,” Newton says. “We have, like, two friends, and you hate half your family. Who would we have invited?”

“Fair point,” Hermann says, satisfied.

“Besides.” Newton rolls onto his side and drapes his arm over Hermann’s waist, and he rubs his scratchy cheek against the crook of Hermann’s neck. “You gotta know I would’ve literally married you anywhere.”

“Ah, Newton,” Hermann stammers, “stop—”

“Nope,” Newton says, mistaking Hermann’s reticence for bashfulness over the public display of affection, and nuzzles and kisses at him this time. “No way. Anywhere.”

“‘S not that,” Hermann says, and winces in pain, because Newton’s stubble is suddenly feeling a hell of a lot sharper, “Newton, it’s—sunburn—”

Newton rolls off of him, giggling madly. “How?” he says. “I put a whole fucking bottle of sunblock on you. You were wearing that stupid hat.” He prods at the sunhat, resting on the sand a few inches away with Hermann’s cane.

Hermann ghosts his fingers over the skin of his neck gingerly; it’s hot and tender to the touch, as is the skin of his shoulders and upper arms through his clothing. Bloody figures. If it’s this bad already, mere hours after the ceremony, he doesn’t even want to know what it’ll be like tomorrow. “I certainly don’t know how,” he says.

The kiss Newton leaves on his reddened skin is far more delicate this time, without a hint of his stubble. “Poor baby,” he says, with a mocking pout. It turns suggestive in seconds, aided by the hand that he slips up under the hem of Hermann’s linen shirt and massages circles with over his abdomen. “I’ll just have to rub aloe all over you when we get home tonight, yeah?”

“Mm,” Hermann agrees, eyelids drifting shut. It’s nice, more than nice, and, for a moment (there’s no one around to see, after all), Hermann is considering indulging Newton in some light touching and kissing in return. Then he wrinkles his nose. “You smell like shrimp, darling,” he says. It’s killed any lust that Newton may have been inspiring in him. Newton retracts his hand.

“There’s still one in my pocket,” he admits.

[raleigh-ocean]

white light

summary: set in the new timeline; Billie still is contacted by Iris and the Devil's Night still scare the shit out of her. However, when she comes home, she realize what's really important to her even more than a bunch of ghosts.

N/A: this is a very specific setting, mostly because of the other (original) character. Dara is also a medium of some sort, and she's been Billie's lover for the last nine years or so (they started ‘dating’ when Dara was 25 and Billie 35 (circa 2010, before Murder House), now 34 & 44). I'll write more about her during this fic and in some others so you can get to know her! ✨

Billie felt her heart beating loudly in her throat, still with the nausea settled in her stomach and the uneasiness from the situation back at the hotel. It was like a never-ending pain in the back of her head and her eyes, maybe she strained herself past the line she drew for herself years ago.

Not even a cigarette could help her body feel at ease this time.

Maybe it was her conception of time or the absinthe messing with her brain, but it was taking too long to reach the apartment. Billie tried to focus in little things at first - like her fake nails, like the sound of her pearls with each bump of the road - and then she tried to hold her tears, a warm sensation pushing softly, to not spill them foolishly. 

How long she didn’t let herself cry for real? Not even when she broke her forearm a few years ago; not even when she had to stand in front of all those people at her mother’s funeral, judging her choices as if they knew her.

When her manager pulled over, Billie didn’t even bother in putting her heels on. She ran - and maybe waved goodbye, she doesn’t know - towards the front door as if someone was still chasing her. Her dress made her feel hot, her sweat making it stick to her back and her arms.

It took her four tries to open the door, each time making her more anxious and desperate to get inside. Once she was in, her anxiety skyrocketed so hard that she had to support herself in the countertop dividing the kitchen and the living room. At times other times, she used to ask herself how she felt comfortable in a tiny apartment instead of in a big house but in this specific situation she remembers.

Remembers how everything around her is at reach easily; how she could see what’s happening in almost every room from the living room, no surprises unless she was the one giving them; how being herself the one doing her chores anchored her vivid mind and powers to the ground.

As soon as she felt like being capable of moving again, she moved forward to the tiny master room. The bed took a good chunk of the room, not a single mirror there, clothes discarded in the floor from the day, the tiny ensuite bathroom’s door ajar...

...and the woman in the bed, sprawled like a big cat, stirring awake and reaching for the nightlight and filling the whole room with this orangish light, trying to get to her and make the cold go away.

“Bills?” her voice was tinted always with tenderness when she was speaking to her. Billie felt her face do this little pout, in the verge of tears again. “Sweetheart, why- Oh sweet God, you are drenched in sweat,” Billie didn’t let her finish that first sentence, throwing herself in the arms of her lover, clinging to her as if her life depended on it. “Hey, I’m here sugar...”

Billie felt bad, she always did when the breakdowns came, because she was too used to carry all burdens. She felt bad for putting her whole ‘bag of utilities’ in her lover’s arms, to let go everything without notice her first...but the younger woman always picked it up like it weighed not less than a feather. The medium let herself cry then, when she had her arms around her, cuddling in that strange sitting position with Billie’s head in her chest, her whole body cuddled against her body and the other woman’s back resting uncomfortably against the iron-bar headboard.

One thing that amazed Billie the most was that Dara Ann Lynch - the woman that was holding her tight, that was rocking her lightly and kissing the top of her head -, was still with her after almost ten years of the most bizarre shit she would ever imagine happen to her. Billie gave her a handful of motives to just walk away, forget about her, build her own life; but Dara was always there, smile in her face and what she needed to hear at the right moment. 

“Let’s get you out of this dress and get in the shower, okay?” still crying, she only nodded and let Dara to help her stand up. Her hands were warm against her skin, soothing the pulshing energy that was trying to get out of her body all at once. “I’ll make some tea while you are at it, and this time I promise I’ll let you put all the liquor you want.”

They were entering the bathroom when Dara said that, making her feel this raw sensation coming from her stomach, more like the crippling fear of being alone.

“Don’t leave, please,” Billie tighten the grip in her hand and there was something in her voice, sheer panic, that made Dara destroy in her head the idea of leaving her side. 

“Okay,” Dara smiled and then helped her...girlfriend? partner? to undress fast, getting her under the hot water and letting her to adjust. “Do you want me to wash your hair?”

That was the cue. Dara always had this kind of domesticity to handle things as to ‘hey, sweetheart, I’m making your favourite dish tonight!’ when she was having a really rough day, even when she still didn’t know about it; as to ‘do you want me to wash your hair?’ when Dara knew Billie was in the edge of her anxiety, because it soothe her to have her hair washed; as to ‘come here you starlight, I’m doing your nails today’ when she was so tired from filming and Billie didn’t want to talk, leading Dara the conversation all the time.

Thinking about all the normal things made her realize that she wasn’t in a situation where she was in danger, but it wasn’t until she saw Dara letting fall her nightgown and her panties to the bathroom floor, stepping in the shower behind her, that she actually felt the bits of white light coming back to her.

All the ride from the hotel to that moment, she really thought the white light left her forever. There were times that, yes, she didn’t consider that was a thing that was real at the very beginning; but it for sure was now.

However, feeling Dara’s hands in her hair and her humming while she was at it felt like an energy charger. 

Dara was herself a kind of medium, but she wasn’t one that wanted to brag about her gift often. Tarot was the thing she did the most, having late night shifts from a very young age and even now - even if now she had the opportunity to choose when -, but Billie knew she had actually more power than she credit it. There was something about her aura that gave her this tickle inside, as if Dara was something more she wasn’t even close to discover.

“Never thought having three in the morning shower would feel this good,” Dara’s voice brought her back, now they two completely soaked and clean just because Billie seemed to have spaced out and then her partner also helped her wash her body. “How are you up there sugar?”

Billie turned around in Dara’s arms to hug her properly, water still running over them from the shower. The white light was surrounding them now, Billie’s worries resting somewhere while the only thing she was starting to care about was Dara’s hands caressing the small of her back and upper.

They had this thing between them going for so long and they never addressed it, why?

“I want a break,” were the only words that came from the medium’s mouth. “I need a break from all this.”

“Actually, that’s going to propose to you over nice breakfast,” Dara chuckled at that, lifting always the heavy weight in Billie’s chest. “Constance called me this morning, asking if we were going to visit soon because Nora was getting whi-”

“No,” it even shocked herself when the word came out a bit too harsh. “No ghosts, no Constance, no cameras; only us, the beach and some martinis,” Billie chuckled and let the last drop of panic go like that. “We deserve this. We need time, some healing time.”

“Nora is going to be so fucking pissed off,” Dara laughed at that and she turned off the water, reaching for a towel to wrap both of them with it. “I can hear her already, sweet God.”

And when Dara made a really good impersonation of their dearest ghost, Billie felt like she got a shot of white light right in her lungs and even her heart. The cobwebs the hotel left her went away just like that, the cold those spirits left her with actually going away just with her lover’s laugh.

“We’ll visit her for as long as she wants once we are back,” Billie wasn’t one to be clingy, but she let herself for that night and search for Dara’s embrace after they were on their pajamas. Dara never joked or laughed at that hidden part of her, receiving whatever she had to offer. “But I want to spend time just with you.”

“Wow that’s really sweet, Bills,” Dara looked moved, younger even, and Billie felt a soft pang of guilty in her heart because even when her lover was happy and overall okay, she wasn’t able to see that raw emotion in her that often. “Last time we went on vacation was...after Constance asked you to help the Harmon girl, I think?”

A very long time, how did you manage to put up with me for this long?

Billie hummed in agreement, making herself comfortable in Dara’s arms while the younger woman led them to bed. When they were settled, the ‘magic’ was still surrounding them in this protective way that she learned to appreciate as years passed by. Maybe when they were alone and far away from everything she could ask Dara about this kind of stuff, Billie said to herself; maybe getting her to talk more about that part of their lives they also shared.

“Are you going to tell me what happened to you there?” Dara’s fingers made their way up and down her arm, trying to still calm her down even when Billie was feeling much better. 

She closed her eyes, leaning towards the woman to keep being cuddled and kissed and held. Of course she was going to tell her, but not now. She now had a very clear goal in her mind and thinking about the Hotel Cortez wasn’t in the road to it.

“I will, but not now,” Dara smiled at the words knowingly, being used to that kind of response. She was patient overall, so it didn’t matter to her when she was getting the answer to her question. “Can you keep the white light coming however? I think I need some refillment, honey.”

“Sure miss Howard, I have an unlimited subscription to it,” Billie kissed Dara’s cheeks, nuzzling against her after that and being kissed in the forehead fondly by her. “I love you Bills, I really do.”

She didn’t answered right away, knowing that Dara would doze off in a matter of seconds - she had that gift too, light sleeper but quick dozing off. When that happened, she let herself focus in her heart beating steadily to try and get some rest too. Billie thought that maybe when they were on vacation, she would be able to give Dara something back too like all those ‘I love you’ that she was so afraid of give back. 

Actually have a talk about them sounded like the right thing after that night.

Nonetheless Billie let herself be cocooned in Dara’s warm arms, the true white light protecting her from what had happened, and soon the tiredness from all took her away too.

The only thought left in her head was that as long she had something to come back and call home, that would be her true meaning for the white light.

[sgnolivia]

weird flex— are you okay??

two days into maybe-olivia’s eat-pray-love-crush-enemy-skulls pillage of cleveland, she’s struck by a migraine so searing that she has enough presence of mind to google psnn hesd dyig strook e ? before she’s left twitching in a trash heap behind starbucks.

two days into maybe-olivia’s eat-pray-love-crush-enemy-skulls pillage of cleveland, she’s struck by a migraine so searing that she has enough presence of mind to google psnn hesd dyig strook e ? before she’s left twitching in a trash heap behind starbucks.

it’s still light out when her brain stops trying to design, manufacture, and detonate it’s own atomic bomb. maybe-olivia isn’t sure if it’s been three hours or three days. the double chocolate chip frappe she bought t-minus five to blackout (ha!) has solidified on her pants. she can taste seafoam under her tongue.

she stares up at the sky in muted exhaustion. 

god, it’s me, she thinks. i would like to invoke my right to choose. 

perhaps if the zygote tube had been pro-choice, none of this would be fucking happening. 

the lizard takes over all executive functioning at that point, forcibly ejecting her from the drivers seat. when she blinks down at her shirt it’s neon green and has a fun i love chicago! written across a black skyline. 

maybe-olivia wonders if she saw the blue bedroom and doesn’t remember it. hopefully the lizard wrote it in the unicorn book.

not that it matters. what’s another forgotten thing in the grand scheme of it all? it’s a fifty-fifty shot she’ll remember anything she’s written in the notebook, anyway. her memory is half a step above melted swiss cheese. 

from that point on, every decision is like russian roulette with a gun that’s fully loaded. maybe-olivia has no fucking idea what’s going to set her spinning into a migraine or send her flying off the realm of human existence or remind her, hey, she fucking loves macaroons. it’s a lot of calculated risks and maybe-olivia discovers that she’s very bad at math. 

it goes on like this for an indeterminable amount of time. 

she tries to balance her world-wide assassination tour with her brain’s need to self-destruct every seventy-three seconds. it is difficult. 

after the act of dying her hair a soft brown sends her tripping into a panic attack, shivering violently and puking all over the nice bathroom of the vacation home she’s squatting in, maybe-olivia decides this isn’t working. 

the unicorn notebook is full, so maybe-olivia unpacks the glittery purple one she bought to replace it. the pen that lights up was lost somewhere in bolivia so she has to settle for a fatter pen that holds four different wells of ink. she feels traitorous for liking it more than its predecessor. 

option 1:

die. 

honestly, this is the easiest and most cost-effective route. at this point she’s ninety-five percent sentient machine gun. there wouldn’t be much lost. blackout was set to be decommissioned after operation foxtrot anyway. maybe-olivia would just be finishing what was set into motion a long time ago. 

she switches the pen into the blue inkwell and sets up a t-chart.

pros:

no more migraines.

won’t wake up in romanian hostel.

stop randomly puking.

permanently get rid of lizard.

cons:

maybe-oliva sits back in the chair. this list is marginally harder. 

agency is exhausting and confusing. some days she’s completely post-verbal and other days she can only speak argentinian spanish, despite having no memories related to argentina. some days she physically can’t wake her body up for more than six minutes at a time. most days she throws up everything she tries to eat. 

maybe-olivia wishes she was strapped back into her holding cell in the unnamed facility, twelve floors below the earth. 

this transforms her body into a wet chihuahua. it takes four hours to pull her bones back inside her skin and another two just to get off the floor. 

jesus, she thinks, and adds keep bones in skin to the pros list. 

she ruminates on her death for a bit, losing time to daydreaming about the endless sleep that might await her. none of her training covered the afterlife so this is as much a guess as everything else in her life. maybe it’s an endless blank void. maybe it’s burning in a pit. maybe it’s a another shot. maybe-olivia hopes not. she doesn’t know if her spirit can handle another go-round of this. 

but, her brain lizard pipes up, then they would win!

maybe-olivia growls out loud and pointedly tells it to shut the fuck up even if she begrudgingly admits that it has a point. 

if she dies, then director howard lives. 

this alights something hot deep in her gut. it feels like she has to puke and run fourteen miles at the same time. there’s no way in hell marcus fucking howard gets to live over her. fuck that. fuck that. 

and really, doesn’t she deserve that? doesn’t she deserve the right to drag howard out of his villa safehouse, shove a piece of rubber in his mouth, break all his fingers, and ask what her real goddamn name is?

project sisyphyus has been trying to kill her— the real her— for eleven fucking years and they still haven’t gotten it done. she wins, they lose. they’ll have to try harder. 

she writes fuck that in the scrawling, bunched together lettering she’s beginning to associate with her own personal handwriting. it’s nice. it feels like she owns something.

fuck that.

if they want me dead, they better fucking find me.

option 2:

get it the fuck together

there are no cons to this. she doesn’t need a t-chart. 

getting it together proves to be a con all on it’s own. her brain is a glorified vegetable but it’s all she’s got. it’s not like she can swap it out for a new one. it needs serious repairs though, and short of hooking her scalp up to a car battery, maybe-olivia isn’t sure how to go about this. 

google is, though.

and google doesn’t care if she has to look something up four times an hour. it points her towards helpful websites. searching how do i get my memories back and following it with who the fuck am i six times in half as many hours points her to a self-help thread which leads her to a diagnosis forum. she has acute brain trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder, dissociative episodes, panic attacks, and sometimes seizures. also, maybe arthritis. she has to ask google what dissociation means. 

maybe-olivia is struck with the overwhelming knowledge that other people know what she’s going through. there are other people who fell head first out of a plane with no parachute and have been hurtling towards the ground for as long as they can remember. sure, they haven’t been tortured and brainwashed and denied the basic human rights that are allocated pretty much across the board but she doesn’t care. she feels connected to these people who live half outside of their skin, wondering the earth like zombies chewed up in the garbage disposal. 

they teach coping strategies. ways to fake normal existence so that it seems like they’re living in the same reality as everyone else. how to breathe when her lungs collapse. how to avoid physical contact in day-to-day situations. 

a lot of them gently suggest finding creative outlets for her feelings. she tries writing but after penning an expansive four page letter in cantonese only to suddenly forget how to read cantonese, she gives that up. 

she decides she isn’t really ready to sift through her emotions. her bodies fucked up instincts are enough without trying to decide if she’s depressed, furious, or anxious on top of it. 

google assures her that recovery happens in stages and at her own pace. if you aren’t ready today, try a little bit more tomorrow. 

her brain still jerks her around like it’s the worlds most aggressive dog owner and she’s the runt of a teacup poodle’s litter, but it works to her advantage. no one can track her if even she has no idea where she’s going next. the targets come in migraines, in hallucinations, in dissociative fits, but they come and maybe-olivia dutifully follows, even if she can’t remember doing it. it’s admittedly a reckless strategy but if there’s a part of her that isn’t a screaming disaster then she hasn’t recovered that part yet. 

she reviews her notebooks every few days, now. they look like they’ve been written by at least four people, one of them being a small child. there’s a variety of languages, handwriting styles, codes, and small illustrations. one page just says fuck licorice in increasingly bold font, fiercely underlined and surrounded by aggressive exclamation points. 

it doesn’t do much except reaffirm that she has the minimal amount of control required to be a human being, but that’s okay. 

a lot of her problems sort themselves out once a helpful blog post points out that she’s eating about a third of what’s required of adult women. this is mostly because she constantly throws up anything that tastes more flavorful than wheat bread but also because she’s never really had to feed herself before. hunger is just another loud, shrieking signal her body sends at her to inform her that something’s wrong, but it sends fifty of those a minute. how’s she supposed to know where the problem is?

a steady combination of pedialyte, muscle milk, and a bottle of gummy vitamins becomes the solution. she has to set alarms to remind herself to drink them and it isn’t ideal, but it keeps her caloric intake up, and solves the arthritis issue. 

it also makes it easier to actually keep the memories she recovers which is a huge win. 

that doesn’t mean things are smooth by anyone’s standards, including her own. random things still absolutely kneecap her— a dad yelling at his son, a lawn mower starting up outside the motel, her own abilities blinding her first thing in the morning. but every incapaciting moment gives a clue. 

a car backfires on the road and maybe-olivia darts behind a minivan, seeing both the tan metal under her hand and white sand beaches. 

239948S462569W

maybe-olivia has never infiltrated a fully-staffed enemy facility on her own before. that’s alright. it can be a learning experience for everyone. 

[impala-dreamer]

Broken Crown - Chapter One

~Sam Winchester has never had the best timing. Now, as he and Dean close in on a chance to save Mary and Jack, and in turn the entire world, Sam falls in love. He can only hope this time will be different.~

Reader, Sam, Dean, Castiel, OCs

1,565 Words

Chapter Warnings:  Nothing. Show-typical opening. Possible Spoilers for s13. Nothing major. 

2018: A/N: I have been working on this for about two months and I’m ready to share. Hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think. I’ve wanted to explore the theme of this with Sam for a long while. :) Also, I wrote Dean’s comment way before the finale aired and I’m super proud of it. lol.

2020: A/N: We are coming back to finish this! Chapters 1-9 have been re-edited for grammar and such.Also a new pic :)

 Broken Crown Masterlist ~ My Masterlist ~ Become A Patreon ~ Find My Original Works on Amazon 

The hallway was dark. Y/N’s sneakers squeaked on the freshly waxed floor, the treads sucking hard against the high gloss. She danced as she walked, moved by the music in her earbuds, oblivious to the voice calling after her.

“Jackie!”

Y/N marched on, shaking her hips as Justin Timberlake cut his teeth on a catchy pop song from days past. 

“Jackie, wait up!” 

Y/N did pause her journey, but it wasn’t to answer the page. With closed eyes, she stopped mid-hallway and started to dance in full, singing under her breath as she moved. “Baby bye bye bye- oh!”

Her flailing arm had whacked something solid yet soft, and Y/N opened her eyes to see that she’d landed a pretty good jab to Brian’s chest. Thankfully, her friend was a burly fellow, and he took the hit with a smile. 

“Ouch,” he deadpanned. 

“I am so sorry, dude,” Y/N laughed over the music blaring from the tiny speakers, a little too loud for the empty hallway. 

Brian chuckled and reached over to yank the wire from her right ear. “Always with the music, Jackie.” 

Y/N sighed and rolled her eyes, taking the remaining earbud out. “What’s up, Brian?”

“Just figured I’d walk you out,” he said an innocent smile that hardly hid his true intentions. 

“OK.” Y/N turned back towards the door and let Brian walk with her. She knew he liked her; it was more than obvious, but she wasn’t interested. He was nice and all, but she’d heard too many secrets over the years, and his was a bed she didn’t want to rest in. 

“So, any plans for the weekend?  

“Nah, I’ve got some Netflix to catch up on,” Y/N said and stopped at the exit. 

Brian pushed the door open and stepped aside, allowing her to pass. “After you,” he grinned. 

“Thanks.” 

The night was cool but nice, and Y/N took a deep breath of fresh air as she stepped out into the nearly empty parking lot. 

“Well,” she said, turning to bid adieu to her coworker, “good night.” 

Brian stumbled over his tongue, trying to find the right words to make her stay and chat. “Uh, would you, I mean- can I give you a lift home?” 

Y/N shook her head and shoved her earbuds back in. “No thanks, I’ll walk.” Brian said something that wasn’t loud enough to penetrate Nsync chirping in her ears. “Night!” Y/N waved as she spun around, heading west towards home. 

Her place wasn’t far from the clinic, which was just one reason she loved working there. She walked to work every morning, stopped at the bakery for breakfast, had a little layover in the park to feed her muffin crumbs to the ducks; it was nice. Things were good.

As Y/N passed the pond, the wind shifted. The tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and she slowed her walk. She kept her head down as it was, but her eyes darted around, looking for whatever had caused the change. 

A cloud of impossible black smoke wound through the trees, whipping up the wind as if shot towards Y/N. She grit her teeth and stood frozen, watching as the apparition flew by her without pause and disappeared behind her. 

Y/N turned with it, facing the clinic once more, squinting into the dark night, struggling to see where the smoke had gone. Her answer came rather quickly, for Brian’s large silhouette began barreling towards her, and Y/N nearly tripped over herself turning to run away.

“Oh, Y/N!” Brian’s malicious tone overpowered the boyband in her head, and Y/N broke into a sprint. “You know you can’t run from me.”

“I can fucking try,” she shouted in reply, but he was right, Y/N was in no shape to out run him. 

Giving up, she skidded to a halt and took a deep breath before turning to face him. Y/N held up her hands and clenched her jaw as black eyes bore down upon her and a scream ripped through the air.

“Beer,” Dean announced, as he walked into the Library, holding up two brown bottles. He reclaimed his seat across from Sam and slid the undrunk beer across the table. “Drink.”

Sam barely looked up, just lifted his chin and cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah, thanks.” He reached for the bottle, but missed, his eyes still stuck on the text in front of him.

Dean sat back and shook his head as he kicked his feet up onto the table. “You’ve been at that for what, a week now? Take a break.” 

An annoyed breath caught in the back of Sam's throat and he scoffed. “I...we can't take a break, Dean.” He air quoted Dean's words sarcastically. “We need to get that rift open again. Jack and Mom…”

“I know!” Dean threw up his hands and then cradled his aching head, lowering his voice. “I know. I just mean, ya look like shit, Sam. Take five minutes and rest your eyes. Nothing's gonna be lost or found while you take a nap.”

Sam sighed and wrapped his hands around the bottle. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right.” He sat back and lifted the beer to his lips. “What's five minutes, right?” He smiled sadly and took a sip.

They sat in silence for exactly three and one half minutes before the big door at the top of the stairs opened and a familiar voice broke through the air. 

“Dean? Sam?”

The brothers both recognised Castiel's troubled tone and gave each other a knowing look.

“So much for a nap,” Sam whispered as he sat up and leaned his elbows on the table. “What's up, Cas?”

Castiel nodded in greeting to each man as he descended the stairs and stopped at the head of the table. He noticed their relaxed postures and half drunk beers, and his brows knitted in annoyed confusion.

“Is now really the time to be drinking?” he asked, eyeing Dean specifically.

Dean rolled his eyes and dropped his feet from the table top. “A,” he began in defense, “I'm always drinking. And two, we're stuck. There's nothing we can do right now.”

Castiel looked to Sam who sat up and coughed a bit. “He's right. I don't know where to look next. Every book is a dead end.”

A sly smirk lit Castiel's face and Sam narrowed his eyes in response. 

“What?”

“I think I might have something,” the angel offered. He reached into his coat and pulled out a newspaper, dropping it dramatically onto the table between Sam and Dean. 

Dean glanced at the paper but made no move to pick it up. “Care to elaborate? I've already read the funnies today.”

Sam rolled his eyes and snatched up the paper, scanning it quickly while Cas explained. “Two suspicious murders in Eltingville, Wyoming-”

“Victims had their eyes burned out,” Sam interrupted. “Angel kills?”

Castiel shrugged noncommittally. “Perhaps, but it doesn't quite fit. There seems to be no motivation for the attacks. Victims were both normal, upstanding citizens, no records or secret dealings.”

“That doesn't mean much,” Sam said. “They could be hiding things.”

Dean sat forward and grabbed the paper from Sam's hands. “Why is this an ‘us' problem? We have bigger issues right now than some rogue angel.” With that, he tossed the paper back to its original place mid table.

“Because,” Cas said slowly, more than a dash of annoyance filling his voice. “There's more to this.” He paused for effect, hoping Dean would be interested, but when he wasn't, Cas went on. “This doesn't seem like an angel killing, so there is something out there strong enough to mimic a smiting. Something powerful enough to look like an angel.” Again he waited for Dean to catch up, but it was taking far too long. “So…”

Sam saved the day. “So maybe whatever is doing this could help us open the rift?”

Cas nodded and crossed his arms, relieved that Sam understood. “It's worth a look at least.”

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “OK. Let's go to Wyoming.” He drained his beer and stood up, exhausted and done with everything. “When this is all done, I'm going on vacation.” Sam laughed, but Dean wagged a finger at him. “Mark my words, brother. I'm talking white sandy beaches and those fruity drinks with the umbrellas in them. I'm done. I deserve a break after this.”

“Dean, you say that every time,” Sam laughed, shaking his head. “And yet you've never been to the beach.”

Dean gasped, offended. “So it's my fault the world keeps trying to end?”

Sam cocked his head and cringed, ready to remind him that a few times, it had in fact been his fault.

“Don't answer that,” Dean snapped and spun around towards the bedrooms, heading off to pack a bag. 

Sam stood up and collected the books, clearing up his mess. “You really think this is worth a trip?” he asked Cas, who stood over him, thinking.

“I do,” Cas sighed. “There's a strong concentration of power there, and while I'm not sure what it is, it's not going to hurt to take a look.”

“OK,” Sam said, turning to shelve a book. “Road trip it is.”

[sunriseskog]

Steel PT3- Auston Matthews

Warnings: Angst, Cursing

Word Count: 1703

Part 1 Part 2 Requests are OPEN

It had officially been a year since you left. Auston kept a countdown on the lock screen of his phone. Anytime he would start smiling or joking around like he used to he would look at his phone and immediately return to the shell that Mitch had come to know. He knew it was Auston’s fucked up way of punishing himself for messing up so bad, and Mitch was the first to admit that he had messed up bad. But Mitch also knew that nobody deserved this, nobody should feel like they have to rip happiness away from themselves every minute of every day. But Auston did and at this point, Mitch didn’t think he was ever going to get his best friend back.

It didn’t take anyone long to notice the effect that your absence had on Auston, especially on the ice. He was playing, and he was playing well, but of course he was— he was Auston fucking Matthews. The thing was, he wasn’t playing safely. Hearing Auston say that he had nothing left to live for was one of the scariest moments of Mitch’s life, second only to actually seeing Auston play like he had nothing left to live for. Auston had missed more than a few games from either injury or suspension and the games that he did play resulted in him in the penalty box at least once. Honestly, people were starting to get worried, yes, of course, he was scoring and racking up assists like no player any team had seen before, but he was quickly approaching the point where he became more of a liability than an asset for the team.

It was around Bye Week that Mitch decided that something had to give. Auston had to all his head out of your ass and put it back on his shoulders, and Mitch was going to make sure it happened if he had to do it his damn self. So upon hearing that Auston planned on staying in Toronto and working out for the entirety of what little break they had, Mitch promptly added an additional ticket and an extra room to his and Steph’s reservations in Hawaii.

“You’re going and I truly, honestly, and really do not give a single flying fuck whether you want to or not,” Mitch said firmly before Auston could begin protesting, flaming the door behind himself for emphasis.

“You deserve this and you know it. Besides, I already talked to your boss and she gave you the time off so you’re pretty much stuck going with me,” your roommate insisted, turning you around and pushing you towards your closet so you could begin packing. You paused in the doorway and thought to yourself for a few seconds, upon realizing that there really was no way out of this, you shrugged and began enthusiastically picking out outfits for the trip; if there wasn’t anything you could do to stop it then you might as well have a good ass time. Your life had become completely, totally, and entirely consumed with work since the moment you arrived in Pittsburg and it had done wonders for your career. The only issue with that was that you had never really sat down and processed what had happened, in the moment it was easier to just shut everything off to deal with later, but then outside of the moment that was a hell of a lot easier as well, so you just… kept everything turned off. There was no sense in starting to feel shit again, especially with how well things were going with your job. Anytime you got a second the breathe or you felt any remnants of emotion sneak up on you, you just took on another project to keep yourself distracted. You were pretty sure you could do the same on this vacation, you’d just have to hide it from your roommate and fill any extra spare time with some resort-affiliated eye candy.

You were leaving the next morning, and while you appreciated the lack of time to mull and obsess over the work you were going to miss, you weren’t excited about only having a few hours to pack before heading to bed. You threw in a majority the casual clothes that you owned, given the move and your obsession with work, it wasn’t like there were very many. You made sure to throw in a variety of swimsuits and coverups, knowing you, you’d probably be spending a majority of your time tanning and laying out in the sand.

“Claire, i love you with all of my heart but why the literal fuck did you have to make our flight inside of the ass crack of dawn. I don’t even feel alive right now.” You groaned, leaning your head on your roommate's shoulder as the two of you made your way towards the boarding gate.

“Because this way, we get there right at dinner time, eat some fish and drink as many cocktails as our bodies can tolerate by the beach, watch the sunset, and then go back to our rooms and pass the fuck out for 12 hours,” she said with a cheer, wrapping her arm around your shoulder.

“…ya okay, that's fair,” you admitted with a shrug. “but I want the aisle.” You smirked, quickly running ahead of her to have your boarding pass scanned.

“goddamn it,” you heard her mutter, out of breath as she came up behind you at the airplane doors. “you know I cant run that fast! I buy you a whole ass vacation and this is the treatment I get?” She exclaimed, jokingly slapping you on the arm.

“Hey, I didn’t make you buy me this vacation, that was all you, b” you quipped back, placing your bag in the overhead compartment. You stood to the side with a smirk as you watched Claire reluctantly climb into the window seat. She had splurged for first class, so it wasn’t like the seats were bad, it had just been a running joke with the two of you since a work flight to Indianapolis almost ruined your entire friendship. After settling in and becoming accustomed to the altitude, you grabbed your laptop and began editing the proposal you boss had sent you that morning. Knowing Claire was already preparing some snarky comment.

“We’re not technically on vacation yet, and even when we are there really isn’t anything you can do to stop me,” you smirked, without taking your eyes off of the computer screen. She huffed under her breath but kept any comments to herself so you hummed gratefully and plugged in your headphones so you could begin working.

A few hours later, you had finished the entire assignment and managed to nap for a couple hours by the time the flight attendant came over the intercom to announce that you were beginning your descent.

“We’ve got like… less than a half hour layover and then we’re just jumping on a flight that stopped here to refuel, but there aren’t very many people boarding from here so we gotta hurry, dude,” Mitch emphasized, pushing both Auston and his suitcase so that the three of them didn’t lose all hope of making their flight.

“Planes can do that?” Auston questioned, shaking Mitch’s hands off of his shoulders and picking up speed slightly.

“well I’d fucking hope so, or we’re pretty screwed, aren’t we?” Steph sassed, pushing through the boys to walk in front of hem as she placed her sunglasses on the top of her head to try and find their boarding gate. Auston whistled at her attitude, giving Mitch a wink out of the corner of his eye. It was moments like this that Mitch had come to cherish more than was manly to admit. These glimpses of who his best friend used to be what allowed him to hold onto hope that he was still in there somewhere. Mitch’s sense of relief retreated quickly as he watched Auston look down at his phone. Mitch knew what was coming next, Auston’s shoulders would drop and his breath would shudder and his eyes would blink a couple times to keep himself from crying and then he’d retreat back within himself. Anyone who was around Auston enough to notice was familiar enough with his routine, but it didn’t change the fact that it broke their hearts nonetheless.

“no fucking way,” Claire sat up in her seat quickly. Jostled from the daydream she was forming while staring outside of the window. “(Y/N)… don’t hate me and don’t freak out,” she spoke slowly as if she were talking to a child.

“What?” You questioned with an eye roll, taking your headphone out to turn towards her.

“Umm… aren’t those Toronto Maple Leafs suitcases?” She hesitantly questioned, pointing out the window and turning her body so you could see as well.

“…no fucking way,” you breathed, feeling your heart drop in your chest.

“Okay, listen, it's probably nothing,” she rushed out quickly, attempting at some form of damage control. “the likelihood that its actually Au-“

“Dont,” you interrupted through clenched teeth. “Don’t… don’t say his name. Please.” You whispered, eyes still focused on where the suitcases were moving slowly up towards the plane.

“We’re technically in economy plus, but to answer your question, no we are not in first class, Auston,” Mitch repeated, getting frustrated with his best friend. “You go in front of us, we wanna sit together.” He pushed Auston in front of himself and Steph, wrapping his arms around her and leaning down to press a kiss on the top of her head. Preoccupied with themselves, the couple failed to notice that Auston had stopped dead in his tracks upon entering the plane. Crashing into the back of his best friend, Mitch almost missed the shocked gasp he had let out.

“(Y/N)…?” Auston choked out. Your head snapped up and you let out the breath you had unconsciously been holding since Claire had pointed out the unmistakable suitcases less than 20 minutes ago. ‘Shit,’ you thought, unable to tear your eyes away from him. ‘shit. fuck. what the fuck. what the literal fucking fuck.’

Notes: part 4 will be up by friday! As always, let me know what you guys think or if you have any requests :)

[tony-in-a-tin-can]

Starstruck Au for Sina’s Birthday!

Notes: This is for you Sina @fushibi​ this is only the starting of my Starstruck AU, hopefully I work further on it and finish it I had to change up the story to fit a bit, so instead of visiting their grandma it’s regular aunt Nat, and Steve’s the older sibling instead but it mostly stays the same at the point where Nat calls Peter something in russian it’s supposed to be little spider but I don’t actually know any russian so I had to use google translate and then for the second half of the fic my editor wasn’t really available so any spelling mistakes will be fixed when i post this one AO3 anyways HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINA!!!!!

“There’s something about the sunshine baby, I’m seeing you in a whole new light.” Steve turned in his bed, placing his pillow over his ears in an attempt to block out the voice crooning, making its way through the walls. Finally, he glanced at his previous failed attempts of headphones, and extra strength earplugs and made up his mind. Enough was enough, it was a Saturday for fuck’s sake. No, this madness had gone on long enough, it had to end. Steve irritably drew himself out of the warm comforts of his bed, and stormed over to his adopted brother’s door, angrily wrenching it open.

   “At what ungodly hour are you playing that-that”, Steve sputtered angrily. Peter didn’t even bother pausing the song just turned to give a cool glance.

   “It’s Tony Stark’s new song, and I have to memorize the words still,” he turned his attention back to his laptop. “Plus, it’s not that early, only ten aren’t you the one who’s always telling me waking up early is the key to a healthy lifestyle. Thinking back, it was true, he had told him that repeatedly but getting It thrown back in his face the first day of Spring Break, after working three seven-hour shifts, and studying for five midterm exams was not what he needed. Before Steve could muster a frustrated enough response, Peter replied.

   “We leave for the airport at eleven anyways, if you woke any later you’d be running around late,” he mumbled a “like always,” quietly enough that Steve couldn’t hear. Steve stormed out without response, crashing back into his bed and groaning. He still needed like a gazillion hours of sleep to be back to normal, positive, clumsy Steve. He was not looking forward to the vacation at all.

Sure, he’d love to visit Aunt Nat, in sunny California but he was less ecstatic about being dragged around by his younger brother looking for Tony Stark. Nat just had to live in the same state, and general area as all of Stark’s damn haunts. And of course, because Peter needed a ride, and his puppy eyes could work on the Devil he was gonna be dragged around.

It wasn’t that Steve hated Tony Stark or something, but well yes that’s exactly how he felt about him. He was on all the news channels as this arrogant narcissistic ass. Just looking at him he could tell he was as fake as half of the celebrities on TV. Normally Steve wouldn’t care but Peter idolized him and played his music on repeat any chance he got.

If Steve had his way, it’d be a lovely vacation of going to the beach and helping his favourite aunt in the garden. Groaning once more he turned, flopping over on the bed. This was shaping up to be less of the break he needed, and more of the break that would haunt him.

Tony hated meetings, they involved a whole lot of sitting there talking, and not a whole lot of anything else. Most of his attention was focused on that damn swinging stick sculpture on Pepper’s desk. He didn’t even realize the others were talking to him until a sharp voice called out “Tony,” and he jumped as he felt a sharp pinch to his leg.

Obadiah gave a strained smile while Pepper looked on in concern. “Are you alright?” He nodded and gave her a smile.

“Now as I was saying,” a gruff voice drew his attention to the video screen where one Nicholas J. Fury sat waiting impatiently eyepatch and everything. Personally, he found the whole eyepatch thing dramatic, but Pepper had made him promise not to ask. “We want you in our movie, we truly do Anthony,” and he cringed, hearing Anthony just made him feel like he was in trouble as a little kid again. “Thing is we need to know you’re grown up, and mature enough to handle working with S.H.I.E.L.D Studios so we’re going to have to ask you to prove it.”

There was a sinking feeling in Tony’s stomach “how?”

“One week, no tabloids if you can do that then we can go ahead with you as our lead.” Before anyone could respond his screen cut to black, and everyone visibly relaxed.

Obadiah barely glanced back at him as he went on his way, only pausing to tell him “don’t fuck anything up.”

Pepper scowled following after him as he left her office, Tony knew most PA’s didn’t get their own but she worked damn well hard enough and deserved it “Why you continue to let him be your agent I’ll never understand,” Tony shrugged in response.

“Probably something around he’s the closest living relative I have who gives a damn,” Pepper’s answering look needed no words.

“You know what no tabloids means though right?” When he looked at her blankly she sighed, “it means that you are going to have to skip out on your. beloved Tiberius’ birthday appearance,” she made a face as she said his name.

Realization took hold and he slumped over the desk, “Pep, you gotta help me.”

“I don’t gotta do anything-“

Before she could continue he cut her off with “I’ll get you those Miu Miu Mary Jane’s you have bookmarked, and before you ask yes I did peek through your bookmarks but only, so I know what to bribe you with.” He could tell she wasn’t completely swayed, “I’ll throw in those other Miu Miu pumps you had with the crystals on the heels.”

She reluctantly shook his hand, “fine but I’ll find a way for Rhodey to sneak you in, but only because if I don’t you’ll find a worse way to do it.”

   Aunt Nat was working in her front yard when they arrived, and she wasn't alone. Making sure she didn't fall was a tall man with long, brown hair tied up in a bun. Their mom turned from the front seat to share a look with both Peter, and Steve before stepping out of the car. “Nat!” The redhead got up, quickly dusting herself off, before rushing forward to greet them.

“Sarah, Peter, Steve!” she had her arms open for a hug from all of them. For a moment they were all squished together in each others arms. As soon as they released each other she began the rapid fire interrogation asking “How is school? How are your friends?” 

 Sarah motioned towards the man who just stood there watching, “so do we get an introduction or?” Nat started which was strange, she was usually so on top of everything.

“Of course this is James, but he usually goes by Bucky he’s my neighbour” she waved him forward.

“Nice to meet all of you, Tasha’s been talking about you forever” he shook hands with all of them, but his other arm hung by his side limply. It took a moment for Steve to realize that it was a prosthetic. 

 “Oh and Steve?” he looked at her, “I don’t really drive but I know you two might wanna go sightseeing or something so here’s the keys to the Black Widow.” He glanced in the driveway only finding a garish, ancient looking, pink car that seemed to be the ‘Black Widow’ she was referencing. Peter followed his eyes, and let out a loud groan, as the adults continued to talk ignoring the two boys.

“So?” Peter popped his head interrupting whatever conversation the two sisters had been having. “Dinner?”

Nat ruffled his hair, “of course маленький паук” and she led them inside.

A little while later Steve laid down on his bed perfectly ready to enter a food coma. Nat had never really been big on cooking, prefering to order out when needed but her new friend was amazing in the kitchen. Who knew something as simple as burgers could become so much more? “STEVE!” He groaned, was one moment of peace, and quiet really too much to ask for? “Steve where are you?!” Peter ran around looking for him, and almost passed by his open room before stopping. “Steve there you are” he immediately grabbed him by the arm and started dragging him out.

“Hold on, hold on what's this whole rush Pete?” He didn't get an answer at first as Peter gave up on dragging him, and ran around throwing his shoes and hoodies at him. “Liz told Ned who texted me that she heard on the Tony Stark updates twitter that he’s supposed to perform at Tiberius Stone’s birthday party, i need to be there.” Steve paused in between putting on the shoes that Peter had chucked at him.

“And why isn’t mom being dragged around for this?” Peter stared at him like he just said something stupid.

“Because as far as she knows we’re going last minute sightseeing jeez Steve keep up.”

“Ok, ok so when did i agree to drive you to this whatever it is?” Peter gave him one of his sad puppy dog looks. Steve looked anywhere but his face, but he broke soon enough. Only someone without a soul could withstand those eyes. “Fine.” It was like selling his soul, but it was almost worth the way Peter’s eyes lit up. 

“Here stop here Steve”

“Peter this is a no parking zone.” the puppy dog eyes were back on him within minutes.

“Just stay in the car, then it’s not parking it’s waiting.” Steve rolled his eyes at the flawed logic but it was too late as Peter scrambled to get out of the car. “Thanks Steve, you're the best big brother i ever could’ve asked for,” he rolled his eyes but still smiled.

“I think I’ve changed my mind, I’m not sure if this is such a good idea anymore Tones”

“Rhodey, honey bear, platypus...wait I lost my train of thought there.” Rhodey rolled his eyes at his best friend’s usual antics. “Seriously though it’ll be finem besides you know Ty’ll get if i skip his birthday performance.”

Rhodey frowned, “yeah we all know how he gets” he muttered under his breath. It was no secret that both Rhodey, and Pepper seemed to hate his boyfriend. It was just something they’d have to learn to deal with.  “Look we shouldn't be here, we should be at the party Obadiah’s throwing you know he’d kill you if he knew you snuck out.”

Tony rolled his eyes this time, “since when do you wanna hang out with Obadiah?”

“Dude you have got to be kidding the caterers amazing, I heard there’s gonna be steak...for dessert.”

Tony thought about for a moment before replying with “can’t say I’m not tempted but I’m not that tempted besides i can’t let a friend down, haven't let you down since we met in fourth grade have I?”

“I mean you’ve probably let me down a lot of times if i think about it.”

Tony stuck his fingers in his ears, “lalalala I’m not listening.”

“Ok fine let’s do this.”

Rhodey pulled up to the paparazzi surrounded 21&under club minus one best friend. “Tiberius my man,” he pulled the blonde into a hug.

“Where is Tony?” he demanded through gritted teeth.

He pulled back to loudly announce to both Tiberius and the paparazzi, “He’s at home eating steak, come on let’s go talk inside.” As he led him inside they were both ambushed by a brunette teen who clung to him, and followed them in.

“Do you know this kid?” Tiberius asked as they were led in.

“No idea but he sure seems to know me.”

Steve watched all this from the car and sighed. “I’m going to be stuck here forever,” he declared to no one before slumping forward.

Tony looked around carefully before knocking on the back entrance door. He wasn't waiting long, and Rhodey opened up the door to meet him. “Told you we could pull it off.”

Rhodey grinned back fro once, “yeah yeah, what would you do without me?” He handed him his stage outfit as both boys ran up the stairs.

“We have a special guest here tonight,” Tony grinned bouncing with energy, “Tony Stark!” He made his way onto the stage, where he was met by cheers. He spotted Tiberius in the crowd looking confused, but altogether pleased, and blew a kiss his way. He looked out over the crowd clapping to the beat once more before starting to sing.

“No you can't see me, No you can't meet me, Yeah I'm on my game, That's right I'm in my shades, See the cameras flashing , Anybody, any time for action, You're the main attraction, Hey, in my shades, Pull up in my spot looking hot everybody knows, Don't got no stress in my head cause stress don't fly in my fancy clothes, Yeah, they want to take my picture, Watch out those lights'll get ya , And they're calling your name, That's where I put on my frames, I tell them watch me now, Lil mama how you like me now, On the dance floor we can work it out and bring this whole place down, Gotta stand up hands up, Big boy's in a stance like hey what?, So get on the floor, Show them what you came here for, No you can't see me, No you can't meet me , Yeah I'm on my game, That's right I'm in my shades, See the cameras flashing, Anybody any time for action, You're the main attraction, Hey, In my shades,” he paused as Rhodey jumped onstage for his bit.

“Uh, Wanna watch me watch this, And when you watch TV, watch Tony, Got to have the whole place jumping, Cameras flashing and you know the bass pumping, Shades on like a rock star, And I'm busting out the best moves so far, Feel the air from the speakers, So so fresh from my head to my sneakers, Turn the beat up on the radio, I'm a keep the frames till I'm ready go, Till I'm gone I is, You ain't never ever heard a song like this, Get your brain on, better get some ideas, Maybe you should holler at your boy right here, And if the girl want to get crazy, You can find me in my shades,”

Rhodey handed the mike back to him, “No you can't see me, No you can't meet me, Yeah I'm on my game, That's right I'm in my shades, See the cameras flashing, Anybody any time for action, You're the main attraction, Hey, in my shades, No you can't see me, No you can't meet me, Yeah I'm on my game, That's right I'm in my shades, See the cameras flashing, Anybody any time for action, You're the main attraction, Hey, in my shades”

He paused for a moment, letting the sounds of the crowd overtake him, before blowing another kiss to Ty. “Happy Birthday Ty, and goodnight folks.”

Steve stared at the monitor across the street, he actually showed up huh. The more important part was that he’d been off for a good twenty minutes, and Peter was nowhere to be seen. With a sigh he unbuckled his seat belt. Peter better have a good excuse. He stalked across the busy street and stared at the long line to get in. Yeah that wasn't going to work. He made his way ‘round the building, finally finding the backdoor. Just as Steve reached it, it opened and hit him surprisingly hard. He winced holding his head, “ow.”

“Crap did I just hit you,” the stranger got down to inspect his wound.

“No the door just opened by himself,” he replied sarcastically.

“Oh crap, oh no this is not good,”

“Yeah well as the person you hit it sucks from down here as well.”

“Gahh i should’ve listened to Rhodey this is really not good,” he was talking more to himself at this point. Annoyed Steve glared at him harder, and something clicked in his head

“Wait, you’re To-” he was cut off by Tony gagging him with his hand. Oh what Peter would give to be in his shoes, and what he would give for that to be the situation as well.

“I’ll give you as many free tickets, and backstage passes to my next concert if you don't scream my name right now.”

Steve pushed his hand away, “I don’t want to see your stupid concert,” he poked his head checking for a bruise, “ow.”

“Ok so you definitely need a doctor right away,” before Steve could reply he was motioning someone over. “Rhodey!” He flinched as the bright glare of headlights made his headache worse. “Ok come on, let's go, there we go,” he helped Steve up which was harder than normal as dizziness took hold. 

 “But, Peter?” he managed through the thick fog in his head. 

 “Who?” He continued to lead him towards the slate grey sports car waiting for them. 

 “My little brother, he’s up in the club somewhere, dragged me with”

 As they approached the car’s driver got out, “Ok so this does not look good, Tones what the hell happened?”

“I’ll tell you later, just help me get him to the car I think he’s concussed.” The man - Rhodey, Tony had called him gently led him to the car opening the door.

“Wait so who is this?”

“Seatbelt,” it took Steve a moment for him to realize Tony was talking to him. “Also yeah what is your name?”

He scowled buckling himself in, “Steve.”

“Well Steve nice to meet you.”

He snorted in response, “yeah I can think of nicer ways.” Another scowl as Tony flashed a charming smile at him, brown eyes softening almost theatrically. On second thought, “I don’t feel so good,” he tried to quell the wave of nausea that rose up.

“Hey there Steve do not throw up in War Machine she’s my baby, and i just got her fixed up.”

He barely managed to mumble a, “alright then,” before he leaned out of the door, and threw up onto what he had thought was the ground. Unfortunately it wasn't the pavement.

“My shoes!” he mumbled a sorry while wiping his mouth.

“Oh fuck, um I’ll get you new ones pass the keys please,” there was a soft jingle above him. “Also can you please take care of his younger brother Peter, he’s in the club somewhere. Oh and Rhodey please don't tell anyone about this.” Rhodey groaned over the state of his shoes but nodded. And then they were off.

[ziloufs]

The slipperiest country

Summary: Dan and Phil in Greece. 

Fluffy, fluff of that time, like 3 months ago or something, where dan and phil went to Greece, and we got some prime flirting between phil and tom daley, plus a vv soft boy, ~~Shirtless~~ dan.

Rating: M (just some spicy mouth to mouth)

Word count: 3370

Read on ao3

AN: finally, after sitting on this pile of trash for 3 months I’ve curated it into something presentable. Im trying to work on my writing, and am working towards making a multi-chaptered fic. (a rlly long one)

Living so close to the mediterranean had its perks, a single plane could fly straight to a beautiful, culture rich country. Blue water, different people, new sights, new sounds. Nothing in Greece was grey and bleak. Dan and phil were looking forward to their “mini couple’s holiday”.

It had been a few weeks of preparation to get ahead of schedule on videos, but phil was working towards something he was definitely going to enjoy. A private vacation with dan; bryony and wirrow would be there too, but having them around was almost second nature; it was going to be a comfortable trip. It was Dan who first proposed the idea of Greece, and unbeknownst to phil, he and Bryony had already started planning things over coffee last week.

“Bry, it’s gonna be great, we can take a private boat out or something,  and then take a tour of the coast.” Dan said through a bite of biscotti. He held the bitten end to gesticulate the rest of his sentence. “And, since you get off work for 5 days next week--”

“It’d be brilliant! We can both take our men on a romantic getaway, away from the grey of London and into the blue of Santorini .” Bryony exclaimed, a grandiose tone in her voice.

Dan grimaced at the label, ‘romantic getaway’, but then started up with laughter. Bry joined in.

“A Romantic getaway indeed... but yeah, i’ll have to check with Phil, as I haven’t exactly told him yet.”

Bryony quirked an eyebrow.

“So this trip is just a ploy for us both to go to Greece alone, and find some hot mediterranean lads?”

This time Dan didn’t grimace. He sputtered out his coffee.

A week later they had all their videos queued, bags packed —that was a lie, Dan still hadn’t put his stuff in order, much to Phil’s dismay —and were getting ready for the early wakeup. Phil was in his pajamas, shirtless, messily combing fingers through his hair. All the while, Dan was admiring the way his back flexed and the smooth outlines of his body. They were way past the point of normal-bedtimes-for-a-six-am-wake-up, but then again, every bedtime for them was at an ungodly hour. Dan tugged at the sheets, crawling under the ten layers of fabric Phil called, “bed spreading”.

“I can’t wait to see you all shirtless tomorrow.” Dan hummed, watching Phil make his way to the bed, sporting a poignant quiff.

“I’m wearing nothing right now though?”

“Yeah, but tomorrow, it’ll be us, and the sun —plus you’ll be wearing those new swimming trunks I bought you.”

Phil made a sour expression.

“You mean the ones that I hate, because they’re too tight on my ass?”

“Yes.” Dan smirked, turning over to Phil who was reaching over to the bedside table. He snuck his hand under the duvet and groped Phil's butt.

“I mean, the trunks are fine, it’s your fault for having a big butt.”

If Dan decided to be a responsible adult, he would go to sleep. But everything was different when he had a Phil in his bed. Phil turned over to face him, fully offended. Dan gave him a peck on the lips to compensate.

“Oi! We have an early start tomorrow.” Phil grabbed dan’s hand. He didn’t want to feel like death in the morning, but fooling around with dan was getting the best of him. Maybe it was the pre-holiday excitement, or the fact that they worked their asses off for the entire last week, minimal intimacy, but Phil was slowly giving way to his desires. Dan dragged a hand up Phil's chest, and tapped it twice along his collar bones.

“Early start, early shmart Philly, I have a better bedtime remedy. Better than scrolling through twitter mentions for half an hour.” Dan cooed. He moved in closer to whisper against Phil's neck. God, it was late and Dan was really warm against him. “And it might involve my mouth.” Phil shivered. Dan looked up at him with soft eyes, his cheeks were blooming. It was still nice to be flirty and coy, even after all this time. The suggestive tones, and the playful groping were apart of the wonderful structure of their relationship. He loved Dan so damn much.

Phil pulled Dan onto himself, and grinned. “Show me then?”

_______________________________________

“Fuck.”

“We slept in.”

“ and I-- I didn’t pack yet.”

“DANnnnnnn!”

_______________________________________

They suffered the consequences of last nights activities, but in Phil’s opinion, (and Dan's by proxy) it was worth it. Last night was the bread basket to his three course meal. Dan was going to be his dinner, and Greece was the chef special; Phil immediately grimaced at the metaphor

Rushing to the taxi, they had only 45 minutes before boarding started, and the airport was 20 minutes away. Phil was feverishly calculating numbers and minutes when they threw all their stuff into the cab. Luckily, they planned on meeting Bryony and Wirrow at Heathrow and would convene in the lobby. Approximately five iphone checks later, 23 minutes had gone by, and dan and phil were bumbling out of the cab. Right near the doors to the lobby, Bry and wirrow were sat on a bench.

“Boys! Where were you?! Wirrow and I have been here for half an hour, and we bought you some coffee, but it’s probably gone cold.”

“You were also the ones who invited us, remember?” Wirrow chimned in.

“Well we uh--” Phil started.

“--I didn’t pack till this morning.” Dan said sheepishly. Bryony shook her head, and hugged them both nonetheless.

“Still glad you actually made it though.” She said. “Knowing you two, it's a miracle you guys arrive on time.”

Dan and phil were getting shit, but honestly, they deserved it. Again Phil thought, totally worth it.

_______________________________________

Contrary to popular belief, they weren't going to fly in business class —especially not with Phil in charge of their budget. It was once Phil who said, “it would be a mockery to purchase more leg room for a 2 hour flight”.

Then, it was nice sometimes. Squeezing into a plane seat, granted with anonymity around other passengers. Phil was able reach for his hand, and it would be hidden within the confines of their seat. These little moments of touch reminded him of who he was, and what he had. He felt lucky.

An hour into the flight, Phil looked up from his laptop, and glanced at dan. He was gazing out of the window. The sky was glowing, and the sun was starting to rise; Dan was very nice to look at. And, if it wasn't for that fact that he didn’t want to disturb Dan’s bubble of serenity, Phil would’ve reached out and pet one of his curls. Dan felt eyes on him. After being around someone for eight years, their little behaviors tended to be routinely. While still staring out into the bright sunrise, Dan blindly reached for phil’s thigh and rested his palm on the warm jean fabric. Phil snuck a look around the passenger cabin, it was habit. Most people were sleeping, others watching films, or gazing out the window much like Dan. Satisfied with the setting, Phil leant close to Dan’s cheek, and gave him a slow kiss. It was risky, but no one had seen and even if they did, the morning-drunkenness would’ve made them second guess their perception.

The kiss intensified the feeling. After breaking away and giving dan another glance, he looked intoxicating now: messy untamed curls, long dark eyelashes, and a face illuminated by the golden sunrise. Without hesitation he kissed him again, and when he pulled back, a little moist patch appeared on Dan’s peach-soft skin.

“What was that for?” Dan turned away from the window, his eyes flitting across the cabin. Dan stopped blushing at unexpected kisses years ago, but sometimes, Phil would catch him at a vulnerable moment, where he would be sleepy, or deep in thought. This was one of those times.

“You looked pretty.” Phil stated plainly. Somehow, in those three words, his tone reflected the illustrious descriptions in his mind. “And now you’re blushing.”

Dan was too tired to make a smart remark, so he just looked away from Phil’s stare, and let his hand on Phil’s thigh, rub softly back and forth.

“Can’t wait to get to the hotel.” Dan sighed. “I want more now, wanna kiss your neck.” He lowered his tone, and now it felt like anyone could listen in if they wanted to. Dan gave a yawn, and leaned back into his seat. Him and Phil had loads of time —that was one of the benefits of having forever with somebody— but sometimes, ‘soon’, or ‘later’ was too long a wait.

“We could go to the toilets?” Phil offered.

Dan practically snorted.

“Youre joking right? I love you, but I thought this thing we had going on, was like, going to be romantic or something.”

“Daniel howell, a romantic!?” Phil guffawed.

“Shut up, you know I’m a sap, plus our legs are too long and spindly to be pretzeled up in a plane’s toilets.”

Phil closed his eyes and rested his head against dan’s shoulder. He hummed in agreement.

_______________________________________

“Bry and I may have gone a little over-board with the accommodation, but…” Dan started.

“So you decided to book a beach-side house with a private pool!? .… and, oh my god! is that a garden terrace?” Wirrow rushed over to the neatly trimmed shrubbery and delicate pink orchids. The four of them wandered the outer property in awe. For a couple days, this was a pretty elaborate set-up.

“And the house comes with two master bedrooms, they’re on opposite sides of the house.” Bryony added. “So you know what that means…”

Phil turned a blind eye, and Dan just groaned. Wirrow was still preoccupied with the somewhat amazing landscaping that had been done to the terrace.

“Bry shut up!” Dan laughed, rushing towards the back entrance of the house. “I’ll lock you out!”

(This “threat” provided the bulk of their exercise on that trip: who could make it to the door first.)

_______________________________________

The first day had been eventful. Touring the local shops, taking a half day boat trip on the coast (which in turn provided some quality cannonball “diving” videos for Phil) and finally, mimosa’s by the pool during the sunset. Both couple’s were situated on the reclined patio chairs, Bryony lying in between Wirrow's legs, and two chairs pushed right next to each other for Phil and Dan. The sky was clear, making a perfect warm gradient of colour and the temperature was dropping, the fleeting warmth of the grecian sun washing over the terrace one last time. They all sipped their fruity beverages in silence; it had been a hot energetic day, now it was cooling, and they could wind-down like respectable adults —that being with an alcoholic beverage, and the one they loved most. As the sun left its final brilliant glow, disappearing beyond the horizon, Bryony and Wirrow stood up with their empty glasses.

“We’re gonna head inside, I won’t lock you guys out, but, I make no promises.” Wirrow said, a slightly drunk and giggling Bryony behind him. Phil looked at Dan, and then to Wirrow.

“That’s okay if you lock us out, I have dan to keep me warm.” Phil leant over the chairs and lazily pulled Dan into his grip. He peppered kisses on his cheek.

“Babe, we better leave them to their own devices, Phil is drunk drunk.” Bryony giggled.

Through the intimate onslaught of Phil, Dan looked up in bemusement.

“Right, and you aren’t?”

“Were not as drunk as you too —On sickening amounts of love, that is.” She sneered. Wirrow laughed in agreement.

“Night guys, Use protection!” they yelled from the house and in turn, Dan gave the finger in the direction of the door. So, maybe Dan wanted to make-out with boyfriend during twilight. The others had gone inside and it was too dark to make out full figures anyways. Their activities were going to stay deliciously ambiguous.

“I love being here with you right now.” Phil was kissing Dan’s neck with him on his lap.  

“Mmm, the entire boat ride I wanted to rip those shorts off of you. I don’t even care that they cost £40--”

Phil paused his ministrations on Dan’s neck, and looked at him wide-eyed.

“Dan!”

This guy, Dan thought.

“What? Also, I didn’t say stop.”

“You’re lucky I’m kind of drunk, and a little bit turned on right now.” Phil threatened, resuming the spot on Dan’s neck where he was sucking the skin lightly. They had five days, enough time for a hickey to fade, as long as he didn’t suck any--

“Harder, Phil.” Dan was really enjoying this, plus he could always wear a scarf.

Everything felt slow and wonderful, even the biting evening air was making their radius of heat, hotter. Dan dragged his fingers through Phil’s sea-water dried hair, and gently guided his face away from his neck.

“My turn.” Dan mirrored phils previous actions, while slowly dragging up Phil’s shirt. The cool night air was making everything stiff.

“Ahh it’s too cold Dan.” He whined, watching as dan pushed his shirt up to his chin, fully exposing his chest and nipples. They were definitely hard, the breeze was light, but any stimulation was enough really.

“Let me try something, and then we can go inside, yeah?” Dan asked. Phil acquiesced, then leaned in for another hot mouthed kiss. Dan ducked his head down to the pink rounds of phil’s nipples, kissing around one, and nipping playfully at the skin. Right against Phil’s chest, he could feel his buzzing heartbeat, and contracting breaths. Hopefully Bry or Wirrow didn’t decide to look out of their window tonight.

“Ahhh, too much, Dan,” Phil felt sensory numb, but he didn’t want it to stop. “We should...go...uhhh.. inside.” he said again, through broken whimpers.

With a mouthful of Phil, Dan feigned ignorance, and instead moved to his other nipple, treating it as equally rough as the last. Phil was a moaning mess.

“Now you’re just being rude, stop teasing.” Phil started.

Dan stopped and looked up at phil with wide eyes and a sultry look. His lips were swollen and slick —truly a sight to see. Even through the haziness of sex, Phil was still keen enough to admire Dan’s mussed up hair, and shining red lips.

“I want this , like right now, but not outside.” Phil chuckled, reaching out to Dan’s eager face and brushing his fingers across his mouth. He let the tip of his index finger slide beyond his lips, and Dan accepted it and sucked. It wasn’t for any particular reason, besides fulfilling his infatuation with Dan’s mouth. Dan hopped off Phil's lap and grabbed his wrist, attempting to help him up from the lawn chair. The chair caught on Phil's foot and resulted in him tripping right into Dan’s arms.

“I didn't think I could actually sweep you of your feet.” He exclaimed, while Phil was just barely holding on, clinging weakly to Dan’s shoulders.

“Fuck...you.” He muttered.

“Yeah, but we have to go inside first. You wanted to, remember?” Dan was snickering, and curving an arm around Phil's waist to lead him to the door.

“I hate you.”

“--Hate you too philly.”

Phil ducked his head to hide his grin.

_______________________________________

That was essentially how the rest of their trip went. Hot skin on skin. New freckles each day. Alcohol by the poolside and banter with friends. It was tranquility.

By the fourth day, phil was approaching poached lobster, peppered with spots, while Dan was insistently pestering him that he needed some sort of night-skin-mask, along with the “spf 200”, unless he “wanted to shed his skin in a horrible sun-frying accident.”

“Why don’t we try this one phil? Argan oil, vitamin E and… soy.” Dan offered, sifting through the entire shelf of various creams and ointments meant to aide burns on the whitest of the white. “You know, I read somewhere that soy cures burns or something, I mean it said--”

“Can’t we just get aloe? That’s good, and like, traditional.” He picked up a green bottle filled with the gelatinous plant product. “And I’m making you massage it in!”

“Fine phil.” Dan said, nudging him in the shoulder. It was a ploy for a free massage wasn’t it,  Dan thought to himself.

_______________________________________

“Y’know I heard somewhere that guys use aloe as ‘male enhancement’.” Phil said nonchalantly, as Dan squeezed the first few globs of aloe vera onto his back. They were in their room at the “villa”, situated on the luxurious white bed sheets that were soon to be dirtied.

“And why were you looking up dick size remedies?” Dan asked, spreading the gel around the most burnt part of phil’s back; the irritation was intensely bright red, and if Dan wasn’t so invested in Phil’s answer, he might have found the colour comical.

“You know I wasn’t!” Phil exclaimed, “I just went on an internet tangent, and may have seen some videos I regret.”

“Flip over I need your chest.” Dan motioned with his hands for Phil to roll. “And of course you weren’t. I’m sure this definitely wasn’t your way to get me to use aloe to wank you off.”

Phil tried to hide a blush. Dan stopped rubbing circles on his chest.

“Wait, you-- you’re not serious are you?”

“...Thats why I wanted to get it at the store,” Phil shied away. “And it’s basically lube.”

Dan moved from sitting back on his heels, to sitting over phil’s thighs, and wiped the excess aloe onto phil’s stomach. He leaned down chest to chest with phil and looked up at him.

“Babe, this is honestly not the weirdest thing we’ve done for sex.” Dan sympathized. Phil just blinked, yet his blush was maintaining. “--Besides, I thought you’d be a bit more jaded to this whole ‘let’s talk about our kinks’ thing.”

“Hey, I am too.” Phil brought his hand to rest in Dan’s curls.

“Right…. Your face is as red as your back.” Dan plopped a kiss of either of Phil’s cheeks.“-- very cute.”

“Just get the aloe.” Phil murmured, lifting his head ever so slightly to meet Dan’s lips. Dan laughed through the kiss.

_______________________________________

It was time to go home, and Dan was hanging upside down on their bed, Phil was across the room, shirtless. From a blurry view, Dan was squinting hard to count the freckles on phils back. He got to 52 before Phil interrupted him.

“Why are you hanging there in silence?”

“Procrastinating.”

“--Leaving this place you mean?”

Dan sighed, and by Phils standards, slid awkwardly out of his position on the bed.

“It’s just, when we go back, we’re going to have to do more work.”

“But it’s our new place, it’ll be nice to go home. ” Phil wandered over to Dan’s space, and put a hand on his shoulder. Dan brought him into a hug and spoke into his shoulder.

“Yeah, but you’re going to be wearing a shirt all the time now.” They swayed quietly in this dancing embrace for a little moment longer, till Phil broke away and planted a kiss on Dan’s forehead. They were looking at each other, enjoy the closeness. Dan leant up to Phil and kissed the corner of his mouth, and then squarely on the lips. He was being a bit petulant, but he really didn’t want to leave.

“As soon as we get home, i’ll do a strip show just for you.” Phil smiled, patting a hand on Dan’s shoulder.

“Phillllll.” dan whined. “I feel like I should be laughing at the idea of you doing a stripshow, but that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“Who’ve you been hanging around?”

“Only you.”

He kissed Dan hard.

“Whoa, what was that for?” Dan stepped back from the intensity of the kiss.

“I just remembered that I love you.”

“Philip Lester, a romantic?!” Dan giggled, throwing Phil’s own words right back at him.

"You know I'm a sap."  He loved Dan so damn much.

[irrlicht-writes]

in front of windows

Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester

Pairing: Castiel/Dean

Summary: He could still save him. It’s what they did: they fixed things. But they were running out of time. Dean wished they could have more. They were supposed to go on a beach vacation together. Castiel would wear bumblebee-swimshorts and they’d be happy. If they could’ve had more time… maybe he could’ve said it to Castiel’s face then, instead.

A/N: my second coda to yet another episode I have not seen. @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover (I feel so weird tagging people because even when they request it it feels like I’m bothering themmm)

Coda to 15x09 “The Trap”

__________________________________

Dean busted through the door, hoping against hope that he wasn’t too late. His breaths came hard and fast and then – he stopped.

Castiel stood in the middle of the room, right in front of the window. He wasn’t facing the door Dean just slammed open and everything was quiet. The room was dark; and Cas obstructed the only light source, illuminating him. That was an angel, right there, amidst the dead, because he killed them all. Dean looked at the ground. Around his feet, there were corpses, slaughtered. It reminded him too much of who he used to be and seeing it now, knowing the cause for it – it hurt.

His friend turned his head to him and Dean still believed he could be saved. Even if he could barely see Castiel in these blue eyes anymore, he still believed the angel could be saved. He had to. Nobody else believed in it anymore and he wasn’t ready to give up.

“Dean”, Castiel said.

He looked around the room and there was no remorse in his voice.

“I believe I got them all. We should leave now.”

Dean couldn’t say anything, and he also couldn’t move when Castiel came his way. That was his friend. These lifeless blue eyes were his friend. It was his fault. Everything was his fault and he didn’t know how to fix it. He lost Castiel more and more every breathing moment and he feared the day nothing would be left of him. His hand was shaking and he was still grabbing the doorknob. He didn’t know what to do.

He knew.

“Dean”, Castiel said again and reached out to his hand, removing it gently from the door. Castiel was still there, in these rare moments. Dean swallowed down, hard, and resisted the urge to hug his friend. He didn’t have the right; he’d never have the right again.

“Are... are you okay?” He asked instead.

Castiel nodded.

“I am now.”

Yes... he’d be fine now, after killing all these people. It didn’t matter if they deserved this. It mattered that there was no remorse in Castiel’s heart after the act. Castiel left the room and Dean, having his head hung low, followed him. There was nothing else to do.

He mourned every moment he never got to have.

~

“Dean.”

He tried so very hard not to listen. He was fixated on this stupid book-page; it didn’t matter if he had no clue what it said. His hands were shaking and he wished he could have a drink. Hell, he wished he could be drunk all the time these days. But he would never forgive himself for that. Being drunk in possibly the last moments he’d ever get? He shouldn’t even be reading this book, but maybe – just maybe – there was a way to fix it in there. Because they would fix this. That’s what they did.

“Dean!”

Sam tore his book away from him and Dean stared at him angrily. He hated Sam. He hated Sam for his level-headedness. Fuck, he hated Castiel for the same reason. He knew both of them were right, but he didn’t want to hear it.

“What?” He barked at Sam.

“Dean... you know it’s what we got to do.”

That motherfucker even did the puppy-eyes. They had worked so many times, Dean couldn’t even count. But not this time. Not about this.

“What, Sam? We fix this, this is what we gotta do! That is not fixing it!”

Sam shook his head.

“Dean, Cas himself said –“

“Well, fucking Cas can go suck my dick then!”

Sam shut up. Dean stood up and stormed away. He was delaying the impossible, he knew that. But what else was he supposed to do? He couldn’t... he just couldn’t.

He threw himself on his bed and curled up on it. The thought alone made him sick. There had to be a way to fix this. They always managed. They always fixed stuff. So why couldn’t they fix Cas? And why was Sam so ready to just... give up? He thought they were friends. They were all supposed to be brothers! You didn’t just give up on family!

“Dean.”

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and sat up. “Hey, Cas.”

His friend moved quietly, and then sat down next to him. Dean looked over. It was Cas. It’d always be Cas. He could do this. He could save him. It’d all be alright, and then they’d go take that beach vacation. Castiel would wear swim-shorts with bees on them and they’d play ball on the sand together. Yes. That’s what they’d do, once this nightmare was done with.

“I really wanted to kill Sam when I passed him by.”

Dean didn’t know what to say. “You didn’t, though.” It was barely a whisper.

“No. But it’s getting harder to resist.” Castiel turned his head. “It’s also getting harder to resist killing you.”

He reached out and took Dean’s hand. It was nice. Castiel’s hand was warm, and a solid weight. They should’ve held more hands before.

“I think about it a lot. I could take your hand like this and just... break every finger on it. Bend them backwards, just to hear you scream.”

Dean was paralyzed. He knew these thoughts. But Cas was supposed to be stronger than this. Nothing was supposed to touch him. Castiel raised his other hand and put it on Dean’ cheek. That, too, was nice. They should’ve done that more often.

“I also think about pushing my finger into your eye and pop the eyeball out. I think about putting my fingers in your mouth and rip it open, tearing your jaw off. I think about putting my hand in your chest”, his hand left his face and was now rubbing over his chest, “just to tear your heart out. Breaking every rib you have, pierce your lungs and see the terrified look in your eyes.”

Castiel then straddled his lap, looking down at Dean.

“I think about tearing your arms off, to hear you scream. I think about ripping your legs off and tie them together.”

He held Dean’s face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together.

“I want to do all this, and I want Sam to watch. I want to hurt Sam and I want you to watch, powerless to do anything about it. I want to rip and slice and stab and kill everything. I want to hear you scream, I want to end your lives in the most painful way possible. And I can’t...”

His voice broke and he had clenched his eyes shut. Dean could just stare. He understood. He understood exactly how Cas felt. He would fix this.

“I’m gonna fix this, Cas, you just wait and see.”

Castiel shook his head and something akin to a broken sob escaped him.

“Dean, you can’t. And even if it was possible, I don’t have enough time. You know that. Dean, please. Please. I don’t want this. I don’t want this to become a reality, Dean, please...”

Dean hugged his angel. They were shaking. He knew. Of course he knew. Castiel had been so strong resisting for as long as he did.

“Stay with me tonight”, Dean whispered. He needed Cas to be with him until the end. He didn’t know how he’d cope after his friend was gone.

“I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

Castiel’s eyes were big and blue and there was the angel he’d always known. The one that’d been with him for so long; that has died for him. He could never be afraid of this Castiel.

Dean shook his head. “You won’t, angel. You won’t.”

“Your faith in me is astounding.”

“Cas... you’re the only thing I’ve ever had faith in.”

They huddled together and Dean held tight on that trench coat. He didn’t want to sleep, but Cas would watch over him, one last time. He wished they’d had more time. More time to hurt each other again and again; and find each other again and again.

~

The next morning, Cas was still here, watching Dean. He smiled. “Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean.”

It was the last time he’d hear these words and it hurt. He searched for Cas’ hand and squeezed it. This couldn’t be happening. Surely, Sam would bust in the room any second and proclaim he’d found a cure. But Sam never came. Castiel kept looking at him with these unwavering eyes. He’d miss those most of all. He scooted closer to Cas and hugged him tight – it was weird while they were laying down, but what did it matter? What did anything matter anymore?

“Let’s go.”

Castiel nodded and Dean’s heart broke.

~

Dean couldn’t let go of Cas’ hand. Sam was standing behind them and he was snivelling. Normally, Dean would tease him for that but – not now. It took everything he had not to break down crying. The monster sat right there, as innocent as a table – the Ma’lak Box.

Castiel was oddly composed but then again; Castiel always did what needed to be done. It didn’t mean that Dean could. He was shaking and Castiel squeezed his hand tighter. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. It was supposed to end with the three of them together. Him, Sam and Cas. Team Free Will.

Sam put a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “Cas, I... I’m going to miss you.” That was all? Castiel turned to Sam and hugged him – Dean hated that he let go of his hand for that.

“I’m going to miss you as well, Sam. I hope you can forgive me one day.”

Sam shook his head: “There’s nothing to forgive, Cas.”

Castiel stepped back and looked at Dean. Dean couldn’t return the look. It meant good-bye, and he’d never be ready for that. Castiel’s hand was soft on his back.

“Dean, you know it must be done.”

He stepped forward to the box and stepped inside. Dean didn’t want to look. He wanted to run and when he came back, he wanted everything to be fine. Cas and Sam would be sitting in the library, talking about ancient texts and chastise him for just going out like that.

Castiel was sitting inside the box now and he looked up at Dean, smiling.

“It’s going to be fine.”

He lay down and looked at them again. Dean took a step and put his hand on the lid. If he closed it, that would be it. Castiel would be gone. His hand was shaking and there were un-spilled tears in his eyes. He couldn’t do it. But he couldn’t let Sam help him. It had to be him. This was his box, his angel and his responsibility.

Castiel smiled with warm eyes. Dean wished for more time. He wished for a sudden cure. Anything. He’d gladly give his own soul to whoever would take it if it meant he wouldn’t have to close the lid.

“Sam. Dean. I love you. I love both of you. And I’m so proud to have known you. I’m so glad our paths have crossed and that I was able to stay with you. I want to thank you. For everything you’ve done and for everything you will still do. I want you to know that I’m forever proud of you. Dean”, his tone was softer now, “please. I want you to remember me as me. But could you... do me one small favour?”

Dean just nodded silently. He couldn’t speak. What was there to say? He wiped the tears out of his eyes because this was the last time he’d be able to see Cas. He was smiling.

“Please, Dean, I... I want to see your smile, just one last time. Can you do this for me?”

How could he deny that wish?

So he smiled. Not his cocky, charming grin, no. Castiel wouldn’t want that. Dean couldn’t stop the tears, but he smiled. Castiel smiled back and he was shining. Dean closed the lid and he kept smiling and the very last moment.

He locked the lid and then he broke down.

He didn’t wail. He just cried.

At some point, he told Sam to leave him alone.

Castiel was gone.

Castiel was gone forever.

He wished he wasn’t so much of a fool.

 “I love you, Cas.”