#they should had me in the middle I would’ve solved this

[ijungberg]

Zinedine Zindane and Marco Materazzi, after Zidane head-butted Materazzi during the World Cup final (2006.)

[justalittlebitbored]

part two: willow tree | remus lupin

part two: a brand new day

pairing/au: marauders era, remus lupin × reader

summary: you've loved your best friend for as long as you can remember and loving someone who doesn't love you back hurts. a lot.

warnings: angst, unrequited love, sadness, fluff, friends to lovers, childhood best friends to lovers. drinking, mentions of alcohol and parties. no use of y/n. slightly jealous!remus I have not specified what you’ve done to your hair so you pick

this part is set in their sixth year

wc: 9.5k

a/n: sorry about the month long wait guys but here’s part 2

series masterlist main masterlist

“Thank god we’re dorm mates this year.”

Lily was pacing up and down the middle of your room whilst you were laying on your bed, your hands under your chin watching her.

It was hectic business getting her to be your dorm mate this year. She was adamant on it, saying something along the lines of ‘being head prefect does not mean I should get stuck babysitting third and fourth years. Absolutely ridiculous.’

Lily being Lily somehow managed to convince the school to allow her to move into yours. You still had the same room though, the best room in the flat in your opinion, you had an en-suite and the view of the willow tree right outside your window; so unpacking wasn’t an issue for you as much as it was for her.

“I don’t think I could handle dealing with those children for another year. And I- you’re not listening are you?”

You were in fact not listening to her, you had zoned out about five minutes into her ranting. She loudly said your name. When you didn’t respond she said clapped her hands in front of your face to snap you out of your daze.

You jumped and began to teasingly console her.

“I am. You were just saying how glad you are to be sharing with me, because I’m so amazing and smart and funny and-”

You were cut off when one of your throw pillows was chucked at you. You crossed your arms over your face as it bounced off your hands onto the floor.

“Rude.” You muttered with a smile on your face.

“I swear that hair dye must be seeping into your brain because you were much nicer last year. Probably would’ve offered to help me unpack too.” She teased, referencing the fact that you had gotten your hair done over the summer.

It was a last minute sort of thing, your mum had guilted you into it, deciding to pull the ‘you’re at Hogwarts all year and I never get to see you’ card. So mother daughter bonding this summer had been in a hair salon, but she had also spoilt you rotten with new clothes so you couldn’t complain.

When you had come home that day you had sat in the mirror looking at your self for about an hour, pleasantly surprised by the outcome. You looked… pretty.

“Shut up.” You stared at her blankly, a trace of a grin on your face. You shuffled off your bed and stood up brushing your hands against your jeans.

“Come on then, move your cute little butt. Let’s go unpack.”

—

You don’t think walking into Hogwarts on your first day of school every year could ever get old. It was an enigma, a puzzle that had yet to be solved and it just brimmed with magical excellence. Everything you could dream of was possible at this school.

As you walked through the entrance you could hear shrieks of laughter. You looked up and saw some seventh years flying on their broom sticks in circles above the courtyard. You smiled. Nope, it never gets old.

The first day buzz was hitting everyone, you could see the first years being taken on their tours, their little figures being swamped by the uniform that was three times too big on them. Everyone was catching up with their friends about the summer, talking about what they did, where they went.

The issue now was finding your group of friends to catch up with. You had said goodbye to Lily at the dorms, she had to go and talk to the teachers about her prefect duties saying she’d catch up with you later. You stood by the water fountain near the middle of the courtyard looking around for any familiar heads of hair.

“Moony you’re so tall, what did you do, decide to morph into a giraffe this summer?”

Sirius. You rolled your eyes.

Oh god you’ve missed them. Missed Remus. You hadn’t had a chance to catch up at all during summer, especially after that awkward moment before Lily dragged you away.

She had gotten everything out of you, your feelings about him, just all of it. You had talked so much about Remus that night.

You could feel the dread set in and the butterflies in your belly at the thought of seeing him. But you had to act natural, normal. The way you would usually act.

So you spun on your heels and turned about quickly walking towards the group of boys. Remus’ back was towards you, they hadn’t noticed you yet so you slowly approached.

Once you had reached them and resided behind Remus, you stood on your tiptoes and covered his eyes with your hands.

“Guess who?”

You could feel his hands come up gently grab you wrists, keeping your hands there.

“I wonder who it could be?” He said in a teasing voice and you knew he was smiling although you couldn’t see his face.

You popped your head out from behind his shoulder, initially being hidden behind his back due to how tall he had gotten.

The marauders had all gone quiet once they saw you. Peters face filled with a red flush whilst James’ mouth was open whilst he looked at you.

What was wrong?

You awkwardly looked at your feet before looking back up again.

“Um. Hi?”

You pulled your hands away from Remus’ eyes just in time for Sirius to pick up and twirl you around, his hands on your waist. As he put you down you placed your hands on his upper arms to steady yourself. He instantly wrapped his arms around you, telling you he missed you over the summer before he let go you.

James and Peter had also pulled you in for an individual hug and said their hellos.

Surprisingly, Remus hadn’t said anything yet and when you turned to look at him you found he was already looking at you.

“Hey.” You said breathlessly.

He still hadn’t said anything, you could see his eyes darting around your face his mouth opening and closing. This was really starting to get ridiculous now, you had only been gone for 2 months.

“Remus?” You called his name attempting to get his attention.

The only thing that snapped him out of it was Sirius firmly slapping him on the back, an awkward chuckle coming from his mouth.

“Moony she’s back. You’ve been moping around all summer why don’t you say hi instead of… this?”

This seemed to snap him out of it as he charged forward wrapping his arms around your middle. You curled you arms around his neck as he lifted you up and squeezed you tight, your feet just nearly touching the floor as he leaned back with you in his arms.

After a long moment he set you down.

“Hi. I- wow.” He blinked. “You look… um.” He gulped opening his mouth before closing it again. He trailed off, staring at you for a long moment.

You heard a loud, awkward laugh coming from Sirius before he intervened, stepping to your side.

“Pretty. You look pretty.” He rolled his eyes playfully, his hand coming up to ruffle your hair. “I like the new hair, nerd.”

“Why thank you Sirius. Very kind of you.” You chuckled stepping back and twirling around on one foot, your hair flying around your head.

“You look very pretty too.” You teased him.

“Of course I do, this is a known fact.” He said with a smirk on his face.

Idiot. You’ve missed him.

Before you could could say anything else you heard your name loudly being called. You turned around seeing Marlene and the girls waving you over.

You turned around and began apologising.

“I’m gunna go say hi. I will see you guys later, okay.” You began walking away backwards. “Oh and I missed you guys too.”

You said your goodbyes and spun on your heel and walked towards Marlene, you needed a deep catch up with them about the summer too.

That went well right? Although Remus acted weirdly, you acted fine. Completely normally you hope. You shook your head, snapping out of it has you reached the girls.

What you didn’t see was Sirius and James slapping Remus round the head, their laughs filling the air. His eyes were still on your retreating figure, a dazed look on his face.

“Alright, alright. You can stop staring now moony, let’s go to tutor.”

—

It had only been a couple of hours and you had already fallen back into your normal routine, it was like you had never left.

Currently, you were walking down the main corridor towards to great hall where you assumed you were to meet your friends. You all had had potions together that morning but you didn’t share the next lesson after that with any of them.

You were walking with Alexander, a new friend you had just made in your defence of the dark arts lesson. You had clicked almost instantly and had made fast friends. He was in Ravenclaw and was very sweet. It didn’t help that he was also very good looking.

As you reached the entrance of the the hall you both turned to each other and said goodbye, his hand touching your elbow for a quick moment before you went your separate ways towards your relative friends.

You threw your bag on the table and slumped down in a seat next to Lily, right in the middle of the group. The boys had seemingly settled on the left and the girls on the right.

“Who was that?”

You turned to look at Lily.

“Who was who?” Giving her a perplexed look you furrowed your brows.

“That boy who you walked in with.” She was now smirking at you, her comment had drawn the attention of both groups.

“Oh that was Alexander, we just met last lesson. He’s just transferred here from up north.” You explained this, trying to act as nonchalant as you could.

“Oh, has he now?” Marlene had chimed. Her and Lily turned and exchanged mischievous smiles before looking at you.

Oh my god. You truly hated your friends. You could not wait for Lily and James to finally get together. When they finally did, you’ll make sure that they’ll never hear the end of it.

You could feel Remus’ stare from across the table, his eyes felt like they were burning a hole into the side of your face.

“Urgh, you guys are so annoying.” You complained rolling your eyes playfully.

“Only because we love ya!” Lily threw her arm around your shoulder.

The conversation quickly switched over to Marlene and the boy she had met over the summer, with you alternating talking to the boys and then your other group of friends. However, you could feel Remus looking at you from time to time, his eyes flickering to your face before he quickly looked away.

You felt two heavy hands suddenly make their way onto your shoulders before you were shaken harshly. You let out a screech and put you hand to your chest. Hearing loud laughter you turned around to see Sirius stood behind you, swearing at him you turned your back on him with a smile on your face.

“Move over. Everyone’s favourite person has arrived.” He said in a cocky voice as he sat down next to you.

“Not sure about that padfoot, I’m definitely the favourite here.” James exclaimed with a smirk, his eyes on Lily. “Right Lils?”

She turned and gave in an incredulous look before rolling her eyes, a ghost of a smile on her face. Oh yeah, they are definitely going to get together. The whole group had a bet going. You had bet that they’d be together by the end of the year, whilst Remus, Sirius and Marlene were betting that by Christmas he would finally be able to win her over.

“Right, Jack Fullingham is having a party tonight to celebrate the beginning of the year.”

“Umm, who’s Jack Fullingham?” Peter asked timidly.

“This seventh year. Listen it doesn’t matter, I’ve managed to get us all invited so don’t worry about it. I’m ready to party so who’s in?” With a mischievous look on his face he wriggled his eyes brows.

“I swear he hates you. Didn’t you try it on with his girlfriend last year?” Remus raised his eye brows at him.

“Pffft. That’s all in the past now, don’t worry about it moony.” He kissed his teeth and leant forward grabbing the cookie from Remus’ plate.

“Well then, I guess we’re in.”

You heard murmurs of agreement from the girls. With the boys following quickly after.

“Brilliant.”

—

You had been at this party for about an hour now and it was beginning to get boring.

James had dragged Lily off somewhere trying to woo her and no matter how much the girl denied her feelings she had gone along with his antics. What morons.

The rest of the marauders had been stolen from you by Sirius claiming he needed their help trying to seduce this girl in the year above.

Although, you had seen Violet floating about and you were hoping her and Remus wouldn’t bump into each other because you couldn’t handle seeing them interact, it literally made you want to gouge your eyes out.

Not that that would matter to you, you were friends. Just friends.

You had kind of managed to distance yourself from the party and were sat on the counter in the kitchen, a drink in your hand observing the scene in front of you.

There were huddles of seventh and sixth years together, empty cups strewn everywhere with a massive herd of empty bottles by the kitchen sink.

And of course there were couples spotted around, obviously attempting to get lucky tonight and by the looks of it most of them will.

“So, what are you doing sat here alone?” A deep voice next to you spoke out.

Startled you turned to see Alexander stood next to you, leaning against the counter. He was wearing jeans with a top that fit him… nicely you could say. Well, fit his biceps very nicely.

You were suddenly grateful that Lily had dragged you into her room to get ready together, her wardrobe had been of great benefit to you tonight and you were certainly glad that you were dressed appropriately for the evening. That was made clear by the wolf whistles Marlene and your friend Janie had shot you when you’d seen them.

Shooting him a smile you responded. “I’m bored, been ditched by all my friends.”

“Ah, well they made the wrong choice.”

“Yeah I’ll tell them as much if I bump into them again tonight.”

He chuckled, his eyes darting around your face for a moment.

“I’ll stay with you until then. Hopefully they don’t turn up and who knows maybe I can keep you company all night.” He shot you a cheeky grin, his brows raised.

Was he flirting with you? No surely not. He was him and you were, well just you. Your mouth parted and you’d realised you’d just been staring at him a moment too long.

“Or not. Hey, I saw a pretty girl and I thought it was time to shoot my shot.” He said nervously.

You quickly snapped out your daze. Yup, definitely flirting.

“I never said you couldn’t shoot your shot. Shoot it and you’ll see where it takes you.”

Woah, where did that come from. That was bold. Oh god, thank Merlin you had some liquid courage in you.

Interacting with boys was never your forte, definitely not sober and most certainly not drunk.

You weren’t sure how he was going to react until he shot you a smirk. “I guess I’ll be sticking around then.”

You didn’t realise how long you had spent chatting until you heard the front door slam, and looking around the place was now half empty couples had fallen asleep on each other and the party had mainly moved into the garden.

You had been caught up in conversation, Alex was funny and witty and you hadn’t stopped laughing since he had come over to you. He told you all about his life up north and why he moved down to Hogwarts.

After the front door slammed again you both fell into a comfortable silence for a moment, not really needing to fill the gap. He was stood up at the kitchen counter leaning against your arm whilst you were sat on it.

Taking a sip of your drink let out breathe. Alex moved to stand in front of you, even though you were sat on the counter he was still taller so you tilted your chin up to look at him. He rubbed his arm before he began talking and you were now worried about what he was going to do.

He began to speak. “So, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to hang out again? Alone this time, just me and you.”

Oh my god, was he asking you on a date? He was sweet but you still had feelings for Remus and you didn’t want to lead him on. But he could have meant it in a friendly way, right?

“Like a date?” You said breathless.

“Like a date. So what’d ya say?” He smiled at you nervously.

You opened your mouth to turn him down before something caught your eye behind his shoulder. Remus and Violet had just walked down the stairs hand in hand.

You felt sick.

This was it then, you had to begin to move on. You couldn’t follow Remus around like a lost puppy forever.

Alex was a good guy, and maybe if it all went well he could be the boy that’ll help you move on.

You inhaled sharply before meeting Alex’s eyes.

“I’d love too.” You gave him a tight smile.

“Cool. I’ll be looking forward to it.” He gave you a grin and you could tell he was very happy.

Guilt instantly started to fill your veins as you were only going to be using him as a distraction and you couldn’t help feel disheartened at the prospect.

Your gaze found Remus over his shoulder again. He was now alone and slumped against the wall, he was drunk. You could tell by the way his pupils were dilated and he was staring up at the ceiling with a clenched jaw. He was beginning to slide downwards and eventually was going down o take a seat on the floor.

Just because he didn’t love you back that didn’t mean you had the right to abandon him altogether, and that was the reason you said your goodbyes to Alex. You have him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek as you told him you had seen one of your friends that you needed to look after.

Jumping off the counter you began your trek over to Remus.

He was now fully sat on the floor his head leaned back on the wall and his eyes shut.

You crouched down next to his legs and placed your hand on his shoulder as you should him gently.

“Remus.” He let out a large groan. “Remus are you alright?”

“No.”

You rolled your eyes, he was fine but sitting on the floor was not the best place to be at the moment so you began attempting to stand him up. You wrapped your arm around his back placed your other on his chest attempting to haul him up.

“Remus come on. You can’t sit on the floor, let’s go and sit on the couch.”

“No, it’s comfy here.” He half slurred his words.

“Please, come on.” You tried again and this time luckily he listen to you and began to push his body off the ground.

When he finally stood up he leaned against you full and nearly buckled under his weight. The boy had grown significantly over the summer and wan no longer slightly taller than you but rather towered over you now. As Sirius so nicely put it, he’s a giraffe now.

Managing to drag him over the the sofa, you sat him down as gently as you could but that was quite difficult when he had practically lost control of all his limbs.

You were quite out of breath by the time he’s slumped down on the sofa, you did not have the best stamina and you would rue the day you ever entered a gym.

You sat down beside him and pushed his hair off of his forehead as it had flopped down and covered his eyes.

“How much have you had to drink?” You sighed. He grunted.

“Remus, come on.”

“You’d know if you weren’t so distracted tonight.” He said with a huff.

Excuse me, who had ditched who?

“Distracted with what, huh?” Was this to do with Alex?

“You know with what.” He huffed again and crossed his arms and stared forward, a pout on his face.

“What a big baby. You sad I didn’t give you any attention tonight?” He certainly had all of Violet’s attention but you weren’t complaining about that.

He hummed finally turning to look at you.

“Yes.”

Remind you to never let this boy get drunk again, you cannot deal with his moodiness again.

Letting out a deep sigh you put your head on his shoulder and stared forward, you were too tired for this conversation right now and analysing what it all meant.

You could feel his neck tense as he stayed with his head facing you. He stared at you for a long moment before you began feel uncomfortable.

Moving away from his you looked at him with a glare.

“What now Remus?”

If this boy started again you were actually going to slap him, it was nearly 2am you didn’t have the energy for this right now.

“You’re beautiful.” He stared at you with an intense look, furrowing his brows giving you a small smile. “You’ve always been beautiful.”

You could feel your cheeks burning and your mouth softly part open in shock.

What?

“Remus, I-”

There was suddenly a loud bang coming from behind you both before you heard glass shattering. You both turned around to try and look into the kitchen through the sliver of the ajar door.

“Wormtail, I’m blaming this on you.” You heard Sirius say.

“What, no way.” Peter responded.

You heard shuffling next to you and by the time you’d turned around Remus was gone and you could hear his voice in the kitchen.

You slumped harshly back into the sofa.

What was that.

Remus thought you were beautiful, in fact apparently he’d always thought that. Was this a sign of sorts, was he trying to signal anything to you?

Surely it had to mean something? Boys don’t go around telling girls these things unless they truly meant them.

You could feel your face involuntarily turn into a smile, and your cheeks were beginning to hurt as you stared down at you hands in shock.

He thought you were pretty.

Oh god, he had to stop doing this. Dating Violet and then telling you these things, you had no idea what it all meant. It was just confusing, especially when you were supposed to be just best friends.

Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted when Lily sat down next to you, her head on your shoulder.

“Hey gorgeous, what’s got you smiling like that?” There was a teasing smile on her face as you looked over at her.

Act cool. It doesn’t mean anything.

Well it could mean something. Did it mean something?

“Nothing, just thinking about stuff.”

You didn’t want to mention it and get your hopes up if it wasn’t anything special.

She hummed. You could never hide anything from Lily, she had this ability of reading you the way no one else but Remus could and you could tell she wanted to ask about him since she must have seen you both talking.

But she didn’t say anything. Wrapping her hands around your upper arm she brought her legs up and splayed them across your lap and began ranting about James and his antics.

You smiled.

Of course. She could also tell when you didn’t want to talk about things and knew exactly how to move on swiftly and avoid the topic of conversation. How you went without her for 16 years you’ll never know.

So for now you’ll sit and listen to her talk about James, but you know that your not truly listening, your is mind elsewhere.

But you couldn’t wait to reap your shares of the group bet at the end of the year when she and James finally get together.

Sweet victory awaits.

—

“When is it?!”

Hearing squeals you looked up from your notebook. Marlene, Lily and Mary and sat down around you, throwing their bags on the table.

“Sorry, what?”

“I can’t believe we didn’t hear it from you, we’re supposed to be your closest friends.” Lily said with a huff.

Okay, now you were really confused.

“Hear what from me?”

Marlene rolled her eyes before responding.

“The date. With Alexander.”

There was a smug chuckle next to you from Mary.“See I knew there was something more there than what you said.”

Oh, the date. If you were honest you had forgotten about it until now.

“Yes.” You said in a caution voice. “Alex asked me on a date.”

“Oh it’s Alex now is it?” Lily had a smirk on her face.

“When is it?”

“I don’t really know, I think he said Friday.” Taking a bite of your sandwich you shrugged. All you wanted was to eat your lunch in peace, the great hall had finally quieted down since everyone had now left for the courtyard.

“You don’t know for sure?! This is a travesty. Why aren’t you more excited about this?” You couldn’t keep up with Marlene’s intense questioning. “This is Alexander Cromwell asking you on a date. I mean do you know how many girls are crushing on him?”

“Ummm… no I don’t. I don’t even really know how it happened. We were just talking at Jack’s party and it just happened. I honestly forgot about it.”

“You’ll have to make this up to us later for not telling us as soon as it happened.

At this point Marlene was more excited than you were about it. If she liked him so much why didn’t she go out and date him.

“Wait, how did you guys hear about this if I didn’t tell you?”

“Well, we heard from Lory who heard from Anna who heard from her boyfriend Jack who heard it from the man himself.”

You could feel Lily’s stare on the side of your face. Her unspoken question lingered in the air. ‘What about Remus?’ You didn’t want to speak about it. Which probably wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism but it was the way you were dealing with it.

Thinking too hard about your feelings for Remus could literally make it feel as if your heart could shatter. The line between friends and more than that was so blurred between you. Sometimes he would treat you in a way that had you smiling all week, and making your heart feel as if it could beat out of your chest.

Other times it cemented what you really were. ‘We’re just friends.’ was a comment you had heard him say more times than you could imagine. It was very clear to you when he would ditch you for Violet, or the fact that he didn’t come and see you during the full moons anymore.

You had been pushing your feelings as deep down as you could, but you couldn’t help but feel like this was a what if that would only ever be that. Ironic how there are 8 billion people in the world and you’ve managed to fall in love with the one person that would never love you back.

Letting out a nervous chuckle you responded. “Merlin. That’s a lot of people.” You could feel you face heat.

Lily’s pensive stare eventually turned into a question. “Are you excited about the date?”

It was a good question actually. Are you excited about the date?

Speaking to Alex the whole night of that party was the most memorable moment of the night. You could still remember how you felt when his arm brushed yours and the smiles he would shoot you.

And it didn’t help that he was ridiculously good looking. He had sharp features, a strong jaw and piercing eyes. He was quite the opposite to Remus. Where he had fierce look to him whilst Remus had softer features. He was loud and outgoing whereas Remus was quiet and reserved.

It didn’t make sense but oddly in a way it did. You need to reach out of your comfort zone and grow, and potentially that had to be away from your childhood friend.

“I think so. I mean he makes me laugh and he’s so cute. It’s all just exciting.” You could feel yourself become giddy. Maybe a part of you was happy about this date. After all your bad luck in the romantic department maybe this was your gift for waiting.

Lily’s face scrunched slightly for a moment before it turned into a smile.

“Good. You deserve it.”

You smiled back, ignoring the voice in the back of your mind.

—

The date went well. In fact it went better than you could’ve imagined.

There was not a moment that night where you didn’t stop talking, and even thinking about it put a grin on your face.

You also had had your first kiss that Friday. He had walked you home after that date, said goodbye and kissed you under the willow tree outside your dorm. Hidden under the view of all the droopy leaves, it was almost perfect.

Although it didn’t happen with the person you had wanted it to happen with the most, it was still good. Alex was sweet and kind and you almost couldn’t imagine it have happening with someone else.

Lily had forced it all out of you the moment you had stepped through the door, a smile on your face. Even though she had ruined your night by mentioning Remus. She was till weary of your feelings, with good reason, but you couldn’t go the rest of your life being weary about moving on.

Sitting in the common room, you were fiddling with the pages of the book you were reading led across the sofa, your legs crossed over at your ankles. Your mind had been in the clouds recently, I mean you did have a lot to think about.

Like for example, currently you were sat not paying attention to your book or the conversation your were supposedly a part of.

The marauders were sat on the opposing sofa with Remus sat in the arm chair by your head.

“Hey, stop pretending to read and pay attention.” Your were rudely interrupted from your thoughts by Remus knocking on the sofa closest to your head.

“Urgh if I have too.” You groaned and turned to your side leaning all your weight onto your elbow placing your book down on the table in front of you.

“What were you thinking so hard about then chief.” You hated this nickname. James had given it to you after you had taken charge of your herbology group project. It’s not your fault he’s a lazy bastard who doesn’t do anything you tell him to.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw two hands about to come down on the back of the sofa. They slammed down and Marlene leaning forward.

“Probably about Alex, and their date, and how romantic he is and what a good kisser he is.” She teased you.

She and Lily came around and sat down on either side of you whilst you sat up. You could feel your cheeks burning. This was not a conversation you wanted to have now. You had not told Remus about it yet, you had blocked that thought from your mind. If you had told him all you would done in the back of your mind would compare the night to what he would’ve done if the date was with him.

The shock on their faces was clear.

“You went on a date?” Peter muttered out, his eyes wide.

“By Merlin’s beard. Really? I thought that was just a rumour.” Sirius leaned back in his chair and smirked at you.

“With Alexander Cromwell? You said you were just friends.” Remus finally spoke out.

You finally met his gaze. His brows were furrowed a tense look on his face.

“Yeah, we were. It kind of just happened.” You scrunched your nose with a smile.

His jaw clenched tightly.

“It just happened. How does something like that just happen?” His voice was dark, he was not happy.

He should be happy for you, I mean he has Violet and you had no one. This is something Remus should encourage.

“I don’t know, we’ve spoken a couple times and it was good so we just went for it.”

What was his problem? You chuckled nervously and look around seeing Sirius and Lily staring intensely at Remus with their brows furrowed.

“When did it happen?” His frown deepened.

Fuck. Looking around you could see the awkward expressions on everyone’s faces, you almost wanted to die on the spot.

Luckily for you, Marlene responded instead. “A lady never kisses and tells Remus, come on you should know this by now.”

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Why was he doing this right here, right now.

“Yeah Remus, you don’t hear all about the feathers I’ve ruffled.” Sirius gave his input, you could tell he was attempting to ease the awkward tension and with Lily’s response the conversation moved on from your date.

“It’s all I hear about thank you very much. Sirius did this, Sirius is an ass, etc etc.”

He let out an exaggerated laugh. “What lies, I am a very nice gentleman for your information.”

Everyone began giving their input and you finally started to relax, slouching into yourself and refusing to look at Remus.

His stare was obvious along with his disapproval, and no matter for how long you refused to meet his stare you could feel him looking at you every so often with that frown you knew too well.

This wasn’t quite the reception you were expecting from him.

But you decided to do what you always do, which is ignoring your problems, so you kept your gaze forward.

You wouldn’t meet his eyes and you will most definitely pretend like it was no big deal.

No big deal at all.

—

The year had now passed by quite quickly, Easter was approaching and you finally had the chance to go home soon. Finally a change to get away from Remus.

Things had been weird between you two, there was this underlying tension that you didn’t know how to break, ever since you had started dating Alex.

Remus hated him and he constantly made this know. His behaviour often made its way into your late night thoughts. You would lie under your covers, your hand under your head think about him and he had been acting these past couple months.

The behaviour he was displaying would usually incline a girl to believe that he liked them, and the way he acted towards Alex was intriguing.

It was things like this that would get your hopes up, it would make you believe that there was a chance that he would return your feelings. However, his relationship with Violet would indicate otherwise. They had gotten back to get her around November time and had been together since.

These mixed signals he was sending you made your head spin. It would also cause waves of overwhelming guilt to wash over you. Alex was a great guy, he was smart and funny and you got along great, but there was something that was missing. A spark, a feeling, just something. You couldn’t help but ignore the fact that the thing that was really the problem were your feelings for Remus.

Lily had voiced her concern several times about this issue and you had shut the conversation down every time and ran away. It felt humiliating talking about it with her, especially when she had James in the palm of her hand. She was beautiful and a genius could have just about anybody had she ever wanted too.

It was different, she never had to deal with the pains of unrequited love.

Being with Alex was a distraction you welcomed, he took your mind off of Remus and it was good. You didn’t have to think about the pain of it anymore, it made it easier to bury it deep down. They were different enough that you couldn’t really compare the two, which helped a lot. If you had dated a Remus 2.0 you would not have been able to handle it.

Alex did however play quidditch which was a massive distinction the two boys and you were currently on your way to one of his matches. It was Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw tonight which was kind of a conflict of interest.

All of your friends were Gryffindor, as were you, so you were kind of a traitor considering you were cheering for Ravenclaw. However, this factor did mean that you could never lose, if Gryffindor won your house had succeed and if Ravenclaw won your boyfriend had succeed.

You were currently putting on a Ravenclaw scarf that Alex had asked you to wear, it was his. It was almost a way of claiming you were his and the concept of it was very adorable.

Initially he had asked you to wear a version of the robes he would wear in the matches but you thought that might be a bit too much and tip your friends over the edge, so you settled for wearing his scarves. The deep purple was a bright contrast against Gryffindor’s colours so you stuck out like a sore thumb but at least he could always see you when he was playing.

Lily and you were currently on your way to the stadium, hand in hand you had left your accommodation and were chatting along the way. The group had all decided to meet before hand and walk to the stadium together, that referred to all of you that didn’t play - which was everyone but James and Sirius.

You were currently approaching the meeting spot and you could see Marlene and Mary were already there.

“Hey guys!” They both waved at you as you walking up to them.

“Hey! Where’s Remus and Peter?” Lily had asked in a curious tone. She hated the cold and was eager to get to the stadium.

Well that was the reason she had told you but personally you think she may have an ulterior motive. Potentially her eagerness wasn’t linked to the cold but perhaps for a certain someone that she wanted to see.

Mary shrugged noncommittally. “I think they should be on their way, I mean they’re usually on time.”

“Well they’re here now so we can probably get going.”

You could see the two boys behind her shoulder, so you nodded you chin upwards with your gaze on them.

You all started walking towards them, meeting in the middle and saying your hellos.

“As much as I love this chitchat, can we please go, I feel like my hands are about to freeze off.”

“Alright, alright let’s go grumpy.” You chuckled as the six of you began your trek over.

Remus had coincidentally ended up next to you, and you both walked in stride along the pavement.

“What are you wearing?” He said your name in disgust. He was referring to your scarf, he did this every single match without fail.

“A scarf.” You played dumb because you were so done with this conversation.

“You are a Gryffindor you know.” There was a pointed look on his face as he tugged gently on one end of your purple scarf.

“Because my boyfriend is a Ravenclaw and I support my boyfriend in his endeavours.”

He let out a groan. “But you’ve never liked quidditch, I always had to drag you to these matches before.”

“I never had a reason to go before.”

Remus rolled his eyes so hard you were sure they were going to get stuck like that.

“Here we go again. I still just don’t understand why you don’t like him.”

Letting out a tut he responded. “He just gets on my nerves.”

“Sure uh huh, because that’s definitely the reason.”

He let out a huff and was quiet for the remainder of the walk to the stadium and as you took your seats in your house’s box.

Overall the game was a tense two hours, with the whole school on the edge of their seats. This was a long awaited game.

Ultimately Ravenclaw pulled through and won after the long match, neither of the teams had been able to catch the golden snitch.

As they had scored the last goal you jumped up and let a loud cheer. You heard booing behind you and you turned around to see pointed glares at you. Shrinking in to yourself you gave everyone sheepish smiles.

Well, at least Alex had won, right?

You all had began walking down towards the pitch, attempting to push past the throngs of people.

“Stop smiling, it’s annoying me.”

“Shut up Mary, it’s okay not everyone wins every time.” You smirked at her. She gave you a playful push and you stumbled into Remus’ arm. You looked up at him and he had a deadpan look on his face.

Your name was called loudly.

Spinning around you attempted to find where it was coming from.

It was shouted again.

Before you knew it Alex was in front of you and had planted a fast one on you. His hand was on the back of your head as he gave you a long kiss.

You heard an annoyed sigh coming from behind you and you decidedly ignored it knowing that it came from Remus.

Eventually, you managed to pull away from Alex. He gave you a massive hug, his sweaty body all over you.

“We won.” He had a grin on his face, his eyes sparkling. It was moments like this where you looked back at him and you felt so guilty because you knew that you could never return his feelings they way that he deserved.

You let out a breathless chuckle. “I know, I saw.” Giving him a a big smile you pushed his hair out of his face. “You played really great.”

“I had a special girl I was trying to impress in the crowd.” With a smirk on his face he leaned in to kiss you again.

Pulling away, your hand slid down from his arm to his hand. You see, Alex was a big fan of pda and unfortunately you were not. You didn’t know if it was because of the fact you didn’t have very strong feelings for him or because you just didn’t like it all together but he was a big fan of it.

He loved giving you long kisses and having his hand on you as often as he could and whilst you appreciated it, Remus’ glares on the back of your head every time stuff like this happened was clear and made you very very uncomfortable.

In fact you could feel his stare deep in the back of your head at this moment.

“Alright, alright. We get it you won, no need to show off.”

James had walked up to us in this time and gave Alex a firm pat on the back along the way.

Alex wasn’t the gloating type but you knew this match had meant a lot to him. Why this one specifically you don’t know, but it was something he was very passionate about.

“No hard feelings right, Potter?” He gave the Gryffindor boy a playful grin, his eyes lighting up. He was like the human version of a puppy.

James gave Alex a deadpan look as the corners of his mouth begun to turn upwards. Before he could smile fully he looked down towards the floor and gave a playful scoff.

“Shut up.” He muttered loud enough for us to hear.

As much as the marauders hated to admit it, Alex was a great guy. You knew how much they respected Remus but you could tell they disagreed with his feelings about your boyfriend, and each one shared a wholesome friendship with him.

Your herd of friends were currently waiting for Sirius, the boy had a habit of being late. Everywhere. His habit normally had something to do with a girl, and if he was late after a quidditch match it was definitely to do with a girl. He was seeing someone called Marcy at the moment and your top guess was that he was caught up with her.

“So did you want to do something now, or later?” You looked back at Alex after you had finished scanning your surroundings.

You were both currently holding both of each others hands, with him leaning back and forth into you and away from you, whilst his bag was on the ground next to you.

Looking up at him you gave him a shrug and kissed your teeth before responding.

“I don’t really know, what do you want to do?”

“It’s up to you.”

This boy. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“Don’t do this to me.” He smirked at you whilst his thumbs began rubbing along the sides of your hands in a calming motion.

“What ever you want to do is good.”

“Stop, you know how indecisive I am, I can’t decide. I don’t mind so you pick, please.”

Furrowing your brows you scrunched your nose and looked at him whilst tilting your head.

After a moment of you both staring each other down he smiled and began to tut at you.

“Fineee. I’ll choose, you know it’s very tiring having to hold the weight of these decisions everytime.”

“Shush now.”

“I’m sorry.” He leaned in and pecked your lips. “We can go to a restaurant and grab some food now?”

You quietly let out a long hum and furrowed your brows.

“Okay. Or we can go back to yours, watch a movie and order food in. Ares can go grab it.”

This time you let out a short hum and smiled. Ares was Alex’s owl, you loved that little guy. Particularly, when he would travel all the way for the city to get you food and come back.

“Alright.” He pulled you in for a hug and wrapped his arms tightly around your shoulders, pinning your arms to your sides and reducing a majority of your movement. “And you say I make all the decisions in this relationship.” He kissed the top of your head.

You scoffed and pulled away from him before smacking his chest with the back of your hand.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s a two way street lady, what just happened here then, right now.”

He had a point. But technically without him giving you the options you couldn’t have mutually decided which one you wanted to do.

“It was a mutual agreement, you ass.”

You let out a loud, dramatic breathe before playfully rolling your eyes. Leaning down you grabbed his bag and shoved it into his chest and stepped away from him before turning around to speak to everyone else.

“Umm, we’re going home. So we’ll see you guys tomorrow, right?”

Raising your eyebrows you let out a meek smile. Firstly, because Lily will hate you for ‘leaving her here alone with these idiots’, aka James Potter, alone.

Secondly, because you cannot stand to see Katie Jelson pine after Remus. She had recently began to tag along with your group when Remus was there and Merlin, she looked at him like he had hung the stars in the sky.

Is that how you look at him- looked at him. Reflecting back on your fifth year it must have been so obvious. All you could think about was if he pretended to not know about and ignore your feelings for him like he was doing to Katie.

Did he also complain about you to the marauders as he was doing with Katie.

It was humiliating, looking back there was no way he couldn’t have known. At least you had Alex this year as a distraction so help you move away from your love for your childhood friend.

You felt terrible, leading the boy on. It was selfish and you were a horrible person, and you knew that. Lily knew that.

But you ignored it, you ignored the guilty feeling when he smiled at you. The nagging voice in the back of your head when he kissed you. And you too, like Remus, pretended you didn’t notice. It was easier than having to acknowledge the harsh realities of his non existent feelings for you.

“I’m sorry, what do you mean your going home?” Lily instantly gave her disappointed gaze, God you felt sorry for her future children if they had to deal with that. At least you could bond with your future nieces and nephews about it, hey?

“Alex is really tired from the game- ” Said person pinched your hip as he knew you were lying. “-so we’re going to watch a movie and get some food in.”

Caught in a staring match with her you didn’t see Sirius walk up next to you.

“Aw yes. I don’t think I could go another second out here, ordering food in sounds like a great idea.”

His hair was ruffled and he had a suspicious red mark beginning to form behind his ear that you, and you assumed Alex, could see whilst stood next to him.

“No, Sirius it was just-” Alex joined in and began to defend your plans together.

“No it sounds like a great plan, let’s go.”

Remus had interrupted you and when you looked towards him, he was already looking at you. Well rather he had his hard gaze directed towards your boyfriends hand on you hip.

Again no matter how long you had been with Alex, Remus would always find be moody and find something to glare at. Alex however, no matter how hard you tried to avoid the pda in front of your fellow werewolf, would always end up doing something to piss Remus off.

It was an endless cycle. Frankly, you couldn’t tell which one of them started it and you didn’t want to have to have to choose between because you knew your answer.

You knew who you would pick.

You didn’t even have to think about it.

Both of you began protesting telling your friends it was okay, they really didn’t have to join.

Lily gave you a smug smile. “Nonsense, I’ve gotten quite tired of not spending any time with my best friend.”

“Lily.”

“Alright everyone let’s go. Our humble abode awaits.”

—

Looking back on that night, it had been a weird one.

Lily and Remus had both been acting particularly weird and you couldn’t tell why - for either of them.

Neither of them would let you or Alex retreat to your room, both adamant on keeping you in the living room with everyone else.

Remus specifically was very against it, you don’t know why. You and Alex weren’t going to do anything in particular in your bedroom, but anytime you got up his gaze would dart to your conjoined hands and his jaw would clench before protesting.

You were both just tired and wanted to sleep, he had had a long match and well you, you were literally just tired. There was no funny business happening there.

Anyways that long night had since passed and it was the beginning of summer.

The summer before your last year at Hogwarts and the nostalgia had began to hit you. You were currently sat on a rock on the side of the hill you and your friends were on.

The sun was beginning to set and the view. Well, you had never in your life ever seen anything so gorgeous.

You took a deep breath in before exhaling slowly, shutting your eyes for a moment.

It has been a long year, one that you’d hoped to forget. With Alex and Remus’ weird rivalry and then Remus’ fangirls. Lily’s weird behaviour and well… really just everything.

You heard soft steps moving towards you as some one situated themselves next to you.

“Hey.”

It was Remus, you could tell from his deep voice.

“Hi.”

You kept your eyes closed.

“Whatcha doing here, by yourself?”

Keeping a neutral expression you replied. “Just thinking about stuff.”

“About what?”

You opened your eyes and stopped leaning back in your hands, sitting up straight. Pulling your knees into your chest, you wrapped your arms tightly around your legs whilst placing your head on you knees and faced him.

“How much of an idiot all of my friends are.”

He smiled and scrunched his nose. Since it had gotten warmer and was now summer he had more freckles appearing on his cheeks, a new one under his eye and another on the tip of his nose.

“Hey, that’s what we were all thinking about you.”

You chuckled and raised your brows at him. “Sure, sure.”

He moved closer towards you and glanced at your face.

“So, where you going this summer? You leaving me alone again then?” His cheeky smile lit up his whole face, all but his eyes. You knew him so well you knew all of his expressions, bad and good.

“Nowhere actually. I told my mum I was staying here for the summer. Needed to spend time with my best friends.”

“Did you mention me? That was probably what convinced her.”

Your mum loved Remus. You don’t know why particularly, well you knew why you liked him, wasn’t too sure about your mum though. But he dangled this fact above your head as often as you could and it drew you mad.

“Yes definitely, that was the main reason why.” You gave him a mocking smile and looked down at the rock you were sat on, scratching your nails on it.

He was the reason why you were staying, he couldn’t fault you for for lying there.

“Shush, you really staying then?”

“Of course.”

The smile he gave you was one of the smiles that made you fall in love with him, it was so pure and innocent. He looked unburdened by the stress of his secret. He looked beautiful.

“Alright then. We can finally do everything I had planned to do last year. Do you still like the beach?”

You answered him and he smiled letting out a laugh.

“Of course, who doesn’t like the beach?”

“Sirius.” You chorused together with a smile.

“The sand gives his delicate skin a rash, you know.”

His comment made you laugh loudly.

God, you had missed this. Your banter had kind of died down the last couple of months, the both of you had been caught up with school and hadn’t had the chance to catch up with one another.

And that was were you both remained for the rest of the night.

Until the sun disappeared and the starts shone brightly you both sat on that rock and talked for hours, your friends leaving you both to your own devices.

It was something you had missed greatly, missed him.

The summer was going to be good. You had Lily and Marlene. All the marauders, Remus. You had to make the most of it all while it lasted.

“Look- a shooting star. Make a wish”

Hours had gone by since you had both started speaking and you hadn’t even noticed the sun go down until the boy sitting next to you had pointed it out.

You closed your eyes and made your wish.

When you opened them again Remus’ wide gaze was on you.

“What’d you wish for?” He asked you this every time and every time you had the same answer.

“If I tell you it won’t come true.”

Then he would complain about it and say that wishing on a star was just a concept, not magic related.

Then you would interject that folk tradition says that shooting stars are when gods have their eyes on Earth; they listen to people's wishes and make them come true.

He would then say ‘God’s aren’t real’, and you would argue that ‘if magic is real, why can’t God’s be?’

This debate then could last hours between the two of you but it would never get old.

Your wish had been that that night wouldn’t never end. Sadly the sun listens to no one and rose again the next morning. However, you had no recollection of how you’d gotten home or in your bed or who had tucked you in.

But you remembered a featherlight kiss on your forehead and someone stroking your hair before you fell into a deep sleep.

And you definitely remembered the smile on your face as you drifted off.

part 3

tag list:

@diorgirl444 @starkluvrr @theweasleyskettle @milkteeboba @blakeblue01 @starqwerty20 @iluvfetuszarry @raindropstearsandtea @katsuniverse @middle-of-the-earth @speedunkle @mypeace4 @garfieldsladybird @welnasynchbest @marauders-eras @4rt3m1ss @aki-chan-20 @poetsneil @stained-tea-cup @hawkinsavclub1983 @spxcekru @stars-havefallen

-

[compacflt]

Hi, big fan of your fics. I've just found your Tumblr and binged everything Icemav-related. When reading about Icemav's political beliefs, I've gotten curious. Does Bradley share the same political beliefs as Ice (and Mav)? Does being raised by them or them pulling his papers influence how he votes? Or there are other factors in the play (e.g. generations, social media)? How about Jake and the other Daggers? How does this young generation of the Navy perceive politics (elections, gender, etc.)? My apologies for bombarding you with questions. But as a non-American, American politics have always been something we must pay attention to. I've seen many interesting interpretations on Tumblr but it feels more or less wistful than realistic, but I might be wrong (again not an American) so I would love to see your perspective on this. Thank you.

a good politics roundup post before i leave this blog

icemav & their conservatism: here, here, here

ice’s NECESSARY conservatism as commander of the pacific fleet (i.e. officers who are most likely to get promoted to the highest ranks do NOT break the service line when it comes to domestic politics, so by necessity ice would’ve had to keep his mouth shut, he Cannot be both a four-star and a revolutionary, like he just can’t; and being a revolutionary is otherwise antithetical to his character anyway): here, here.

and the original “ice & mav politics post” which is being updated here: here

I’ve gone back and forth on everyones politics over the last year of me being involved with these characters, but let me just tell you where I’ve ended up headcanoning them politically, if ur interested

ice: reagan democrat. “educated moderate” who was more right-leaning pre-9/11. now just a regular ol liberal (did you SEE those gay little round glasses in tgm? no way this guy isn’t a straight-up lib) with absolutely no strong feelings about most domestic politics besides “fascism bad”. Has some foreign policy opinions that areeeee questionable at best, like all members of the military elite (hangman voice: DO NOT ASK ICEMAN ABOUT CHINA. WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE). foreign policy neoliberal favoring the dovish side of the spectrum. A force conservator (“let’s save our military assets [read: my boyfriend maverick 🥺] for when we really need them, not for any old conflict. the deterring specter of the American war machine should outweigh the risk of underperforming”). He’s in favor of marriage equality of course, but treats it like a privilege and not a right. would be sad/upset if it got repealed but wouldn’t necessarily fight for it. “well at least my marriage will always be legal in california so i just won’t leave, problem solved.” Normie median Biden voter.

mav: political wildcard tbh. original 1986 mav is DEFINITELY right-leaning (i think i’ve written elsewhere, “he fully believes bill clinton is an affront to god”). i get young republican vibes from him. Full on patriotic (but dispassionate) 1980s reaganite anti-commie neoconservative. but after the 2010s i am very confused tbh. Tom cruise’s political aura is an insanely confusing one. idk. No matter what, Mav has some Hot Takes that a.) can immediately be shot down by ice using Facts and Logic at any time and b.) are not strictly partisan. He’s registered democrat just to support marriage equality (his marriage is his top priority but he doesn’t care about Other gays’ marriages, only his own), doesn’t care about any of the party’s other lines. Votes however ice tells him to. I get real “kind clueless libertarian” vibes from 2022 maverick tbh. Especially with the “isolating himself in a hangar in the middle of the mojave desert.” that has a political connotation to it for sure. bro just does whatever he wants out there

also, ice & mav live in San Diego, which… while in blue/democrat leaning California…is famously a bastion of right-wingers & has a hitler particle level off the charts… (sorry its not my favorite place in the world). That’s why they’re both continually so disgusted by San Francisco (a metonym for effete liberal homosexuality). Theyre from San Diego, hatred of SF & liberal SF politics is kinda par for the course down there.

Bradley: as u will see in the extras i definitely hc Bradley as an activist, but because he’s… in the navy and also like in his 30s… It’s not college campus activism, it’s just “things all of us in the left wing can agree upon” activism. so, like, BLM or pride, etc. He’s an “in this house we believe” yard sign liberal. He is 38 years old. hes a solid millennial so not politically hip with the kids (me)

Bradley & ice/mav disagree on the VISIBILITY of politics. Ice & mav, who did live through the vietnam era draft/near-dissolution of American society in the 60s and 70s, are not in favor of possibly losing their job/honor they have fought and killed for, for the sake of a political statement. And they believe their relationship IS a political statement, whereas Bradley would rather encourage them to treat their relationship like, I don’t know, a relationship that has a right to exist independent of politics!

Jake and the other daggers: idk. i don’t really give a shit about the daggers sorry. They r blank slates 2 me. jake especially is canonically frat-boy sexist in a way that gives me the heebs, much like original 1986 maverick and ice. But the navy tends to be the most left-wing (or thought of as left wing in common thought) service of the military, if that helps. But it is also the most traditional service of the military, and by traditional I mean BRITISH!!!! 🇬🇧💂there’s so much pomp and circumstance and hoity-toitiness that comes from the navy’s origins in the Royal Navy. A lot of sticking to outdated tradition in the very fabric of the navy itself, while the navy’s enlisted demographics shift younger and more left-wing/“revolutionary…” some interesting conflicts there. Like that one sailor who got blasted by multiple congressmen on social media for (with permission!) reading a poem about their queer identity on the USS Gerald ford’s intercom a few months back, if I remember correctly. Hoo boy the Takes that day were wild. Younger Americans tend to be more liberal but YMMV with officers, who are by nature trying to uphold outdated traditions of the navy for the sake of keeping the navy a unified service

i am of course writing carole as a christian republican who has gay friends and a gay kid not by choice but by the Grace of God

[teaberrii]

Chapter 26: Where it Ends

You've been Cupid for as long as you can remember. You've brought countless soulmates together, yet you've never found love.

When you're assigned to bring two childhood friends back together, it should be simple until you unexpectedly catch feelings for the mysterious and cold Ph.D. student, Dan Heng, the man with a soulmate… the man with answers to your past.

Dan Heng/You

Notes:

Cross-posted on Ao3

Female reader

Chapter index at the end of chapter one

“You should’ve come to me years ago with this proposal,” Jing Yuan said flatly. “I would’ve accepted it on the spot. But now, I think you're out of your mind."

Young’s eyes flashed in the dark. “You can’t hide your real identity forever, Jing Yuan. If Mother's plan goes through, whose side are you going to take? Will you expose Mother and her ugly lies? Or, will you continue living amongst the humans who cannot accept your real identity?"

Jing Yuan sucked in his teeth. "And what about you? You're the fucking heir to the Middle Kingdom. Don't tell me no one is going notice that you just suddenly vanished."

"...Which is why I plan to erase their memories."

"Erase their...?" Jing Yuan scoffed. "You're going to erase your existence? For a woman? Pathetic." When Young said nothing, Jing Yuan sighed. "I'll hear you out. Just make it fast."

Your body is slightly shaking. Young chose to die? You already hated your parents and society, but it was Young’s death that drove you over the edge. He had been your heart and soul, and he chose to die so you could continue living in the very society that robbed you of your happiness.

“That day…” you begin quietly. “You knew that your mother used a concealment spell. You knew that she thought Jing Yuan was going to kill me. You knew…” Your voice breaks as you say, “You were going to die.”

“...When the execution happened, it was supposed to trigger a spell to eventually wipe their memories of me.”

You take a small breath as you try to keep your mind sound. “And was that supposed to solve everything? You dying… Your mother believing I was dead… forgetting about you…" A pause. "No. When she tried to kill me, she remembered you.“

“That was not supposed to happen,” Young says quietly. “By then, the spell should already take effect, but I don't know what went wrong. The plan was to keep you alive… but also have Mother slowly let her hatred go.”

“That still doesn’t make sense!” You clench your fists. “You said she wanted to enslave the humans. Fine. But how was keeping me alive and forgetting about you supposed to stop that from happening?”

“Jing Yuan.”

“...Jing Yuan?”

“Jing Yuan came to the north to take revenge for what your parents did to his father. He and Mother share the same hatred. If Jing Yuan killed them, he could take control of the north. He’s also respected in the south.”

You scoff and look away. “He’d become the ruler of the Kingdoms. Is that it?”

Young puts his hands on your arms. “That’s why I needed his help. There would be no war. You would be ali—”

“I would be alive, yes,” you say through gritted teeth. “Jing Yuan eventually made my life a living hell. Even before you two came up with this little plan. I… I can’t—”

“Jing Yuan came to the north to kill your parents. But… because they’re your parents, he put off his plan.” Young briefly closes his eyes. “He fell in love with you.”

“Do you think I’m going to thank you?” There are tears in your eyes, and you clench your fists. “I loved you… I loved you so much that I cursed people. I bet you and Jing Yuan didn’t have that in your plans, did you? You thought I was just going to have a little heartbreak and then move on?" You glare at him. "Oh, wait. I guess I was supposed to forget about you, too."

Young wants to reach out to you but the sheer anger in your eyes tells him otherwise. “...What happened was beyond anything I could’ve imagined. It was not supposed to happen.”

“Well, I guess I’m just full of surprises, huh?” You take a small breath. “It’s too late to say this now. But, we should’ve fought. The war your mother wanted to happen… it should’ve happened. Then…” You can’t stop the tears from falling now. “...Perhaps we would’ve died together. That would’ve been the best outcome.” You aren’t looking at him anymore. “Did Jing Yuan know everything? About why you tied your soul to this locket?”

“...No. He never knew about any of the magic imbued in that locket.”

“Here’s another question. You asked Pom to put a protection spell on this locket. What was the point of that if you and Jing Yuan were working together in the first place?”

“This wasn’t something we were planning from the beginning. Jing Yuan and I were still enemies when I went to Pom.” Young slowly hugs you. “...I know you’re angry, and I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. I—”

You close your eyes and exhale softly. “Do you know what I’m most upset about? You know… besides the whole oh-my-God-I-literally-cursed-people?” You pull away and give him a little, sad smile. “It’s that you didn’t confide in me. Whatever your mother was planning… She could've been planning to summon the God of Death or King of Hell, but I wished you could’ve talked to me instead of trying to protect me by yourself.”

The look in Young’s eyes tells you he understands. 

But, maybe this is also fate.

Suddenly, your phone buzzes with a message.

Pom: Found Caelus!! At hospital!!! Get chur butts ova here.

By the time you and Young arrive at the hospital, you see Jing Yuan sitting in a waiting area with a bloody bandage on his arm. When he sees you, he only nods at a door where you assume Caelus is.

“What are you doing here?” you ask.

“That’s what I’m wondering myself,” Jing Yuan mutters. Then, he sighs loudly. “I knew I shouldn’t have taken that damn shortcut today.” Upon noticing Young staring at him, Jing Yuan slightly narrows his eyes. “Is there something on my face?”

“...It’s been a long time."

Jing Yuan raises a brow. “Not long enough for you to be saying that. What’s—”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Jing Yuan slid a hand into his pocket as he stared at his half-naked brother who would be dead in the next couple of hours. “Do you know I’ve had dreams about killing you? But looking at you now…” Jing Yuan sighed. “I’ve been too into my head about hating you.”

"You say this now when I'm going to die."

Jing Yuan crossed his arms. "We love the same woman, but you're literally dying for her. I don't know if I could top that."

Young looked down and smiled. "...Hard to say."

"How did you find out? That we were related?"

"My father. If he didn't tell me his story about him and Mother, I probably would never have found out." 

“What made you ask? Something must’ve prompted you.”

Then, Young quietly said your name.

“Were you really stupid enough to say her name in front of your father?”

“I told him there was a girl I love so much that I want to marry her. But… due to circumstances, it’s impossible for us to be together.” Jing Yuan looked away. “I couldn’t tell him everything… but after all that, he said I should marry out of love, something he never got to experience.”

“...And that got you asking questions,” Jing Yuan muttered. Then, out of curiosity, he asked, “Does he hate humans as much as Mother?”

“His hate does not run as deep as Mother’s, but the pain of the war that happened many years ago… that cannot be easily erased.”

“And here we are now…” Jing Yuan sighed. “If Mother had taken a different path… things would’ve turned out differently.”

Young scoffed with a small smile. “Yes. We'd be fighting over the same girl instead of trying to save her life.”

Jing Yuan put a hand on Young’s head. “We did fight over her, and in the end, she still chose you over me. Now, here I am… making her hate me even more as I kill my brother and the fucking man she loves. What a joke.”

“It’s not like you to cry.”

“I’m not!”

“Right. I’ll pretend I didn’t see anything.”

“Smartass.” When noises could be heard outside, Young heard his brother say his name. The half-dragon looked at his brother as he said, “...She won't forget about you, you know.” A small pause. “I won’t forget.”

“I liked you better when you were trying to assert your dominance.”

Jing Yuan glared at him. “Don’t make me walk out there with your head in my hands.”

Young looked down, and with a small, sad smile, he said, “It’s time, Brother.”

Jing Yuan stares at Young in shock, but before he can say a word, the door suddenly opens. Caelus’s father is the first one out followed by a nervous-looking Pom. As soon as Caelus’s father sees you, he frowns.

“...You.” He walks up. “What did you do to my son?”

Pom quickly slips between you and Caelus’s father. “Sir, it’s—”

“You’ve said enough,” Caelus’s father interrupts. “Now, move.” You don't get a chance to say anything as he shouts, "Explain why he keeps saying you're the reason why he's sick!"

Before Caelus’s father can grab you by the shoulders, Young quickly steps in, glaring at him. “Touch her, and you’ll be sorry.”

“Y’know,” Jing Yuan says, “I’d like to know why your son attacked me at the park. You don’t see me barging in there and grabbing at him.”

Caelus’s father glares at him. “He mentioned you as well. Something about you betraying him. How do you know my son?”

“...Dad.” Stelle comes out with Lan. “Stop.”

“I just want some answers, Stelle. I’m sure you do, too. Caelus isn’t supposed to be here! He’s—”

“He wanted to keep it a secret,” Lan says. “All of us”—he nods towards you—”we were looking for ways to help him because this cannot be solved using normal means.”

“How do you expect me to believe that my son is cursed? That is utterly ridiculous! I—”

“It’s true,” you say, and everyone turns. “...I was the one who cursed him.”

◆◆◆

A scream. A slash. A thud.

By now, the curse had taken over all three kingdoms. There was chaos and destruction at every corner. There was no order, no royals, and no titles. Everyone was strangely equal, but the situation still favoured those with wit and strength.

Just as Luocha pulled out his sword from the throat of an infected, he saw three of the infected swarm on top of a guard. Having no choice, Luocha fled and eventually sought shelter in his father’s room. The room still smelled like blood.

Luocha had just closed his eyes when he heard a light creak behind him. He spun around, his sword raised, and his eyes widened when he saw… you. He quietly said your name, nearly dropping his sword. A black veil covered half of your face, revealing nothing but your sharp eyes. Your clothes, a mix of white, gray, and black, were nothing like what the other women your age wore. Yours were fit for battle.

“How… Why are you here?” Luocha asked.

“I was curious.” You glanced at an ink-painted portrait of your family with bloody fingerprints all over. “...How everyone was doing.”

Luocha narrowed his eyes. “...You knew about everything that was going on."

“Stop trying to get a confession out of me, Luocha. Just say what you want to say.”

“You used magic… disguised yourself as Jing Yuan’s handmaiden and cursed our father.”

You looked down and chuckled. “I shouldn’t be surprised that you were the one to figure this all out. How long have you known?”

“For father’s health to suddenly deteriorate like that… it wasn't normal. After weeks of trying to treat him, I had a hunch this was because of black magic.”

“And from that, you suddenly decided that I was the one responsible?”

“No. Rather, I thought Jing Yuan was the one behind it. But, when his wife was cursed, I started to think it was you. I never thought you'd give up studying magic. You also had Young teaching you when he was alive.” Luocha walked up to you. “It’s been years, Sister, but you haven’t changed. At least, your thirst for knowledge never fails to surprise me.”

“Are you going to kill me? For killing Father?”

“You should’ve stopped there.” You glared at him, but Luocha didn’t back down. “Was Young so important that you had to get innocent people involved? He wouldn’t have wanted this to happen.”

Your sword was now at the side of his neck. “...Young was my happiness. Why should I continue living in the very society that turns a blind eye to injustice? What did we do that was so wrong? Young had every right to live as much as everyone else. Yet, his life was taken away, and for what? For me? Because of the political rivalry?” You scoffed. “I doubt we’re the first, and we won’t be the last.” Your blade drew closer. “...I want to end all of this political bullshit.”

Luocha was silent for a moment until he said, “And are you happy with the outcome?”

“I’m not finished.” Luocha briefly closed his eyes. Then, you quietly said, “I trusted you. Yet… when everything was happening, you did nothing.”

He could’ve preached that he was trying to protect you, but he knew he wasn't. Looking back, all he did was follow the status quo. So, he told you to stay away from Young, knowing well what would happen if you got caught. But, it wouldn’t be his fault. He warned you, after all. You just didn’t listen. Even when Jing Yuan banished you, Luocha remembered how he wanted to say something. But, what if he ended up getting banished with you? What would become of him? His status as a doctor? Would all of his hard work go to waste? Deep down, Luocha knew that he only wanted to protect himself.

A vial appeared in your hand. “I was saving this for you.”

“...Are you not going to use it?”

Then, you smiled wryly. “I don’t know… Who do I hate more? You or Jing Yuan? If you were Caelus or anyone else, I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you.”

Luocha suddenly grabbed your hand that was holding the vial. He popped the vial open, and the mist wasted no time snaking up the glass and into the air. “I may have failed you as a brother, but know that during the time you were gone, I always hoped you were well. And…” Luocha neither flinched nor stepped back as the mist swiftly crawled into his eyes. Suddenly, he dropped to his knees, and the sound of swords hit the ground. When Luocha looked at you, the whites of his eyes were already turning blood red. “...And that I was proud to have a sister like you.”

You watched your brother fall to the floor, his mouth opening and closing as if he were a fish out of water until someone said your name.

“I found him.”

You stood just as your brother turned eerily quiet. But, instead of answering Pom, you picked up your sword. With both hands, you held it over your brother.

Before Luocha could regain consciousness without any humanity left in him, you struck the sword through his heart.

Luocha has one hand on the sink, the other is clutching his heart as he stares at his reflection in the mirror. You had killed him to spare him from turning into a horrendous creature. But the pain remains. His heart feels as if it’s engulfed in flames. When he closes his eyes, he sees you and then collapses to the floor.

◆◆◆

“...My son is dying in there,” Caelus’s father says, pointing to the closed door. “Do something!”

Then, the rest of the group walks out of Caelus's room, and March closes the door behind her. “He's finally asleep,” she says.

The doctor who had taken over for Luocha looks as white as a sheet. “I don’t know how long the sedation will last given his current state. Let me try to get in touch with Doctor Luocha and see if he can come in to help.”

“...Don’t think the guy will be much help,” Jing Yuan mutters.

“Dad.” Stelle puts a hand on her father’s shoulder. “...I can stay with Caelus tonight. You should go home, and get some rest.”

Before he can answer, his phone goes off. With one look at the screen, he walks off and answers it. “Yes… Yes… I know. I’ll deal with it…”

“Sounds like he’s got a lot on his plate,” Gepard says, watching the man round the corner while looking down.

“He’s been stressed,” Stelle says. “Not sure about what… but—”

“You really don’t know much about your father, don’t you?”

March puts a hand on her hip. “Are you saying you do?”

“I know my clients like the back of my hand, sweetheart.”

“Clients?” Gepard asks, raising a brow.

“He asked you to do something about that article about The Withering, didn’t he?” Stelle asks.

Jing Yuan smiles. "You're a smart one."

“L-Look,” March says after a sigh. “There’s too much going on right now! What are we going to do about Caelus? What happens after he wakes up? He’s not just going to… I don’t know… bust outta here, right?”

“...What can we do?” Gepard says quietly. “Let’s just wait if Luocha can do something about this.”

“Yeah, if you’re talking about the tall, blonde, pretty boy, you’re out of luck,” Nanook says, sitting on a nearby chair.

Stelle quickly looks at him. “...What? Did something happen to him?” Then, she looks at you. “What happened to Luocha?”

Jing Yuan steps in front of you and Stelle and says, “He’s fine. I can get in touch with him.”

Stelle frowns. “Don’t tell me he’s associated with you, too.”

“Take a guess.”

Stelle’s father comes around the corner and looks at his daughter. “...Stelle, we’re going home.”

“What?” Stelle looks at Caelus’s closed door. “But, what about Caelus?”

“It’s not like you can do anything if you stay.”

Gepard frowns at Lan. “Did you really have to put it like that?”

“It’s true,” Nanook says, looking at Stelle. “There’s really nothing you can do for him at this point.”

Stelle’s eyes land on you, and she walks up. “I may not know exactly what happened between you and my brother,” she says quietly. “But, isn’t that all in the past? I hope… I hope you can find it in you to help him.”

Then, she walks away with her father.

“I’ll keep an eye on Caelus,” Nanook says. “He won’t be going on any murderous rampages under my watch.”

Gepard and March are the first to leave. Then, in an attempt to lighten the mood, Jing Yuan turns toward the rest of the group and says, “Does this mean I’m officially off the radar? No more babysitters?”

Young finally turns to Pom. “You’ve been fidgeting for a while. What’s wrong?”

Pom quickly turns to Young. “M-Me? Oh, um, well…”

“I’ve noticed it, too,” Lan says. “Is there something you’re not telling us, Pom?”

Pom takes a breath and looks at you. But, before he can say anything else, they hear another voice. “Yes, Pom, don’t you think it’s time to stop keeping secrets to yourself?”

Nanook frowns at Sampo who’s suddenly sitting in a chair next to him. “How long have you been eavesdropping?”

Sampo shrugs just as Pom nervously says, “There’s a way to stop the curse.”

“How?” you ask.

Pom slowly looks at you, but it’s Sampo who breaks the news. “You die, Cupid.” Then, he stands and walks over. He leans down so he’s at eye-level with you. “...This is the choice you have to make.” When you look Sampo in the eyes, it’s as if he’s compelling you not to look away. “To live or to die.”

“...So, if she dies, the curse will go away?” Jing Yuan asks. "Everyone will live?"

“Correct.” Sampo leans upright. “You’d better decide quickly, dearie. Because time is not on your side.”

Then, he looks over his shoulder and sees Jing Yuan standing behind him. But his gold eyes are fixed on you.

“...What are you doing, Jing Yuan?” Lan asks.

Jing Yuan pushes past Sampo and suddenly grabs you by the hair, forcing you to look at him. 

“You’re at a disadvantage,” Young says sternly. “Let her go.”

“I thought we’re all on the same team here. We want this curse gone, don’t we?” Jing Yuan shoots you a look. “And now we have an answer.” Without turning his head, Jing Yuan looks at Young. “You must be the one I’ve been hearing so much about. Cold Dragon Young.”

“...If you really wanted to kill me,” you say quietly. When Jing Yuan looks back, he sees you glaring at him. “You would’ve killed me that day.”

Jing Yuan had his sword drawn. Something creaked behind him, but when he turned all he saw were the shadows of the candles on the walls. After he and Luocha split up, he ended up seeking refuge in your old room to escape the chaos outside. Ever since Jing Yuan banished you, he didn’t let anyone use your room, not even his wife. Sometimes, he’d pass by, and the night when he first tried to woo you almost always came back to him.

It was the night you had been drinking with Jing Yuan and Luocha. You had a little too much, and Jing Yuan ended up giving you a piggyback ride back to your room.

“...Young…” you’d whispered. “I miss you.”

Would his name ever leave your lips like that? Jing Yuan slid your door open, walked inside, and went straight to your bed. He gently put you down, but his hand was also itching to grab the knife hidden inside his hanfu. It would be so easy to kill you. One slash to the neck. One stab to the heart. You were completely vulnerable. Yet, before he knew it, Jing Yuan was leaning over you, his face dangerously close to yours. He could smell the alcohol, and he was fighting the curious urge to taste it on your lips.

Your eyes slowly opened, and you quickly sat up as if the sight of him made you sober.

“What are you doing?” you asked, holding the blanket over you.

“You passed out,” Jing Yuan answered calmly. “I took you back to your room.”

“...Okay, but why are you still here?”

Jing Yuan decided to take a risk. “Because I’m curious.”

“About what?” You frowned. “Don’t tell me you’re curious about a girl’s room.”

“You kept muttering a name. Young. Don’t tell me it’s Young, heir of the Middle Kingdom?” Jing Yuan knew, but it was your reaction that he was looking for. You’d stiffened and looked away. “...Looks like I was spot on.”

"Thank you for taking me back to my room, but if you could just leave—"

“Race aside… It’s not wise to waste your time on men who play with your feelings.”

Your gaze hardened. “He’s not playing with my feelings."

“So, you’re pathetically pining over him?”

“...Get lost.”

Jing Yuan grabbed your cheeks and forced you to look at him. “...I could make you forget about him.”

“You’re crazy. I think you’re the one who had too much to—”

His mouth was on yours, hard and rough. One of his hands held your wrists, and when he nipped your top lip, he raised your hand to the side of your head. He gently pulled your lip with his own and repeated the caress on your bottom lip before your lips finally parted. Jing Yuan wasted no time. The heat that began at his mouth had unfurled so fast that he needed more.

The alcohol tasted even better on your tongue. Your bed dipped when he climbed on top. Soon, his body was flush against yours until he heard you say, “...Stop.” Jing Yuan broke away. He had you on your bed, hands on either side of your head. The sight had sent his nerves on fire, but your face said a different story. " This isn’t right.”

“Who said?” You looked away, so Jing Yuan continued, “You aren’t his.”

“I’m not yours either.”

“But, you didn’t resist, which means… you also feel something for me.”

“I don’t want this,” you muttered. “Get off me.”

“...Say it while looking at me.”

You finally looked back at him. One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. Then, his mouth was on yours again.

Another creak made Jing Yuan spin around. Except this time, a sword pierced just next to his heart. Jing Yuan instantly fell to his knees. He could feel the tip of his blade scratching at his heart like fingernails on a chalkboard. This was deliberate. The placement was planned. With shaking hands, Jing Yuan put his hands on the grip until he saw you emerge from the shadows of the room.

“...We finally meet again.”

“I remember now,” Jing Yuan mutters. “You tortured me that day.”

Nanook looks at you. “Tortured and cursed?”

“No,” you say, without looking at him. “I didn’t curse him.”

Lan and Nanook glance at each other. “...Why not?”

Young has a hand on top of Jing Yuan's, and the man lets out a short scream before releasing you.

“Because once the person is dead," you say, "the curse won’t work.”

Jing Yuan couldn’t move. A small knife had pierced his hands, forcing them together. With every small movement, he felt the tip of your blade press against his heart. You were standing in front of him, your eyes cold, dead, and beyond saving. He was shirtless with blood and bruises all over.

“...I didn’t want to believe it was you.”

“And look where that got you, General.” You heard something crash outside. “Fire. Destruction.” Your eyes landed back on him. “Revenge.”

“This… This is all for Young, isn’t it?”

You twirled a knife in your hand and teased the blade down the side of his neck, drawing a thin line of blood. You walked behind him, stabbed him, and slowly dug the knife deeper… and deeper, taking great pleasure in hearing his painful groans.

“Why couldn’t we just get along?” you asked, leaving the knife inside of him and another one appeared in your hands. “...Your initial kindness was just an act.”

“...No,” Jing Yuan managed to say He took a breath. “Do you know why I came to the North?” At your silence, he forced a little, painful smile. “Your family took everything from me. My childhood. My parents. The life I could've had. And for what?” He looked up at you. “Because they couldn’t stand that my father fell in love with a woman from the Middle Kingdom.”

Was it ironic or a cruel twist of fate that Jing Yuan suffered a similar fate?

“I could’ve killed them earlier… but seeing how you were their daughter”—a small scoff—”I started rethinking everything.” Jing Yuan screamed in pain as his hand slid across the blade until it was finally free. But now there were two gaping holes in the middle of his palms. The blade fell to the floor just as he grabbed your hand with the dagger. “I want to stop this. For you. For Young. For myself.” Upon pulling you closer, he felt the tip of the dagger against his abdomen. “...My brother and I wanted to protect you, but I guess we failed.”

As if sensing it was coming, you tried to stop him, but with the last of his strength, the dagger impaled him. With the amount of force you felt, you knew he was gone.

Sampo looks at you. “Your revenge ended with Jing Yuan, but the war raged on. Nothing could stop the monsters you created.”

“Pom,” Nanook says. Then, he eyes Sampo. “Is that what you wanted to tell us? You knew she had to die for the curse to be over?”

“I had a dream about it,” Pom says quietly.

“That may have been true, but perhaps not anymore.” Everyone turns to Young, but he's looking at you. “...There might be another way.”

Chapter 27

End notes: I think a lot of people are probably wondering about why/how Cupid became a God. Well, our dear 'ol Sampo is going to reveal that in the next chapter lol now that all this revenge has finally come to light.

Tag list: @suoshiii @lordbugs @lxry-chxn @seirenspinel @nqctre @tanspostsblog @theprinceofkhaos @lunavixia @akwardbiscuit @sunsethw4 @hiqhkey @n8mareee @vintagepoetryluna

[apomaro-mellow]

Part One of Steve Disappearing

Eddie still remembers the last kiss he gave his husband. It was a soft thing. A promise. 

“I’ll be back for more later”, Steve had said, grinning. Cheeky. Eddie had appreciated it at the time. Steve was more experienced with this sort of stuff. If he was being this easy-going, then surely the job had to be an easy one, right? Just a quick in and out.

Eddie wishes he had gone too. Maybe if he did...

Sometimes he wished Steve didn’t go. There were plenty of resourceful and strong folks on their team. Sometimes Eddie would peek into Lucy’s room. He’d imagine what her life would’ve been like if neither father had returned. 

What if Eddie alone was the one that disappeared? Steve was like a professional dad. Even now, Eddie felt like he wasn’t doing enough. Like he wasn’t enough. Like Lucy would’ve been better off with someone else.

But those days she beamed at him when he made her favorite chocolate chip pancakes, or came home from school with a test she did well on, or pulled him excitedly to sit down for movie night....It was in those moments that he heard Steve’s voice, telling him he was more than enough.

Eddie had never ever EVER thought he’d have to tell his little girl about the real monsters of the world. But Steve had been gone for three years. And if they were going to hold a funeral, she deserved to know the real reason. She was about the same age as Dustin when he first found out about all of this. And his kid was way more badass than Dustin.

Lucy was about to rush out the door when he caught her.

“Hey, can we talk?”

“Can it be later dad? I really need to go see Noah.”

Eddie let out a sigh but he figured this could wait for a couple more hours. “Go on then. You know the drill.”

“Back before dark, call if I’m gonna be late, don’t talk to suits!”, she called out as she left the house.

Eddie smiled to himself. All the typical things a parent would tell their child. But he knew what lurked in the dark. He knew what a missed call could be and he knew even the nicest looking suits would shoot a kid if it meant covering up a failed telekinesis project. Well, failed in they never fully militarized El. She was very clearly a success in every other way.

Lucy went to Noah’s house, picture in her bookbag, and showed it to him.

“These are your dads?”

“Yeah, I think they were in a gang. Anyway, I think that’s what happened to my dad. Someone from a rival gang killed him.”

“They could just be in costume”, Noah said, pushing up his glasses. They sat in his living room, tv put on to something to make it look like they were watching while his mom did work in the kitchen.

Lucy looked uncertain now. “You think?”

“Why would they have gang photos? Wouldn’t you destroy the evidence?”

It didn’t make entire sense that they would have it. Or that they’d be looking at it where Lucy could find it on their own.

“Well, they were drinking. And you know what alcohol does. Anyway, this is officially a mystery. And we’ve gotta solve it.”

“Your....your dad’s murder?”

She stiffened when he said it like that, even though it had been exactly what she was envisioning. “Let’s call it his disappearance. I haven’t proven anything yet.”

“Did you ask your other dad?”

“He’s not gonna tell me anything.”

“Anyone else in your family?”

Lucy thought about her family. It wasn’t entirely traditional. Most people had a mom, dad, and then all the extras related by blood. Lucy didn’t know either of her grandparents. All of her aunts and uncles were family friends. And seeing as none of them talked about it, she knew she couldn’t get any answers from them.

There was one though. One who was removed enough that he might not tell her everything but he wouldn’t hide away either.

“I gotta call my Uncle Wayne.”

Eddie’s in the middle of deciding if they should get takeout or if he should cook, perusing delivery menus when the phone rings.

“Yup?”

“Eddie, it’s Wayne.”

“And to what do I owe the honor?”, Eddie asked, trying to think of any special events coming up that he might’ve forgotten. They had just talked last week about the possibility of a fishing trip, maybe he was trying to finalize that?

“Just got off the phone with Lucy, wanted to get to you before she got home.”

“What’d she call for?”

“She was askin’ about Steve.”

Eddie felt his stomach drop. Just hearing that name still did things to him but for the wrong reasons now. In the time since Vecna, Eddie had given his uncle an abridged story. His bat bites were all the proof he needed but he also had the alibis of everyone else. So when Steve disappeared, Wayne got the rundown so it didn’t seem like Eddie was deluding himself.

“Sounds like she’s getting curious. I’m telling her today Wayne.”

“You sure she can handle it?”

Eddie thought about the time Lucy took a hard fall of her tricycle, got a gravel-filled gash on her arm and immediately got back onto her trike; the time she got into a fight with not one but two girls for picking on her; the time she decided at 5 that she was too old for stuffed animals and gave one each to her fathers so that they could sleep at night.

“That girl can handle anything.”

[cottonfeltgembira]

[WIP] Im finally writing a full proper fic in months now... (Rolls over on the floor)

Yosuke heaved a sigh, “Something tells me while you won't press me any further, you definitely wanna figure out what's up with me today.”

Yu, who was semi preoccupied with dusting a collection of music CDs on the bottom of the rack let out a chuckle, his response slightly muffled by the medical mask he was wearing.

“How did you know? And yes, I would like to know what's going on with you and if you allow it I'd like to help.”

“God, you are too good, man. And it's… really stupid.”

Yu got up from the floor and disposed of his medical mask and disposable gloves into the trash bin, turning to Yosuke with his hand on his hip. “Yosuke, if it's bothering you then I don't think that whatever it is it would be considered stupid.”

“That's the thing!” Yosuke sat up from his previous slumped position. “Look, just promise me you won't laugh when I tell you.”

“I promise.”

After Yu promptly dusted his shirt off he made his way to the couch, taking a seat next to Yosuke. “So, what is it?”

“The truth is… I'm stuck on the fact that I don't have a girlfriend.”

Yosuke’s silver haired friend only stared blank eyed, he wasn’t sure what he expected from Yu but his poker face wasn’t one of them.

“Uh, Earth to Yu Narukami? This is the part where you either break the promise and laugh or realize it's over for me.”

“Sorry, I guess I was expecting something else.”

“Something else?” Whatever it was Yu thought of, it couldn't have been good.

“Mmm, I was thinking you forgot Teddie in the freezer in Junes and you had to defrost him for a whole day.” He knew it…

“Well actually that did almost happen once- Hey!”

“But in all seriousness,” Yu changed his tone from his light jest. “I don't think you should let that worry you, I'm sure you’ll find someone. Besides, didn't you mention before you were going on dates?”

“Those were just dates, they’re different!” And they were different, Yosuke swore he tried everything in the book of dating and romance but not a single girl he went out with considered a second date. Was he not charming enough? Was there something about himself Yosuke didn’t know that girls just didn’t like? If only it were easy, like Yu would ever truly understand his plight. Yu could say he wanted a girlfriend and 30 girls in his near vicinity would drop everything to run at a chance to be his.

“Hmm, I don’t really get it. I think love comes when it wants to, you just have to be yourself.”

“Man, easy for you to say. Aren't you dating like 3 girls simultaneously right now?”

“Snrrk.” A loud snort came Yu, “Yosuke, you believe in me way too much.”

“What?”

“Actually, I’ve never dated, not even once.”

“WHAT!?” Yosuke shouted, thank god neither Dojima nor Nanko was home. He couldn't believe it, Yu could easily be pulling his leg but he sounded genuine, there was no way and yet…

Yosuke had to confirm,”You’re not just saying this to make me feel better about my dating failures, right?”

“If I was lying to you I would’ve said I’ve only been on a date or two.”

“Holy shit, you’re serious.”

“Oh, I am serious. I’m showing you it's really not the end of the world if you haven't found anybody by now. It's different for everybody, Yosuke.”

And he was right, as displeased as Yosuke was to hear it from Yu. Maybe he was just too eager. Yeah- Yeah that had to be it.

“I guess you’re right…Hey wait, didn't you had a thing with Ebihara?”

Yu tilted his head, almost akin to a fox, “Ai-san? No, she was troubled at the time. She did suggest dating but she was doing that out of wanting validation, she just needed a friend who could understand her and support her.”

“How did that even happen?” Yu only shrugged, another mystery to the strange array of acquaintances Yu had. From creepy nurse to grieving old woman to a middle school kid he tutored, it’s miraculous how he made the time to get to know these people, hang out with the investigation team and solve the case at the same time. That was his partner alright.

“Speaking of Ai-san, I wonder if it's still in my closet.” Yosuke watched as Yu eagerly got up, walking towards his closet and began digging through the drawers. As Yu dug for whatever buried treasure he had in his closet from being reminded of a female friend, Yosuke stopped the music on his mp3 player and took his headphones off for once, placing them on the coffee table.

Love comes when it wants to, huh?

Yosuke wondered if that love will ever come, at this point it started to feel bleak. Countless failed attempts with girls, maybe he wasn’t made to ever be in a relationship. It’s silly but he can’t deny it made him feel miserable. Yosuke Hanamura, still a loser at 21 and forever alone.

At least there was his partner. Yu was the first person who he’s ever felt truly close to, he saw Yosuke in his ugliest moments and didn’t bat an eye, Yu reached out to Yosuke and he’s been holding onto that hand ever since.

Yosuke admired Yu, he was smart, headstrong, and always got back up no matter what. At the same time, envious of the same things he liked so much about his best friend. It’s an ugly feeling, one he thought Yu beat out of him years ago at the riverbank. But every once in a while, jealousy would rear its head, and Yosuke sometimes wished it would show itself as a shadow so he can whoop its ass instead of doing it the hard way.

[coro-chan6]

Somehow Supernatural

Chapter 2: It's All Starting to Feel Real

Tags: poc!oc, gn!oc, teen!oc, panic attack, heavy cursing, Dean always needs his own warning, self-deprecating thoughts, mentions of anxiety, Cas not taking a hint, Deanstiel (or whatever the fuck Dean and Cas's ship name is), general chaos

Summary: The Winchesters and Cas have a meeting about Casey. It doesn't go too well, and Casey realizes what shit their stuck in.

Words: 2,675

I kinda felt like I was gonna vomit. Not because I needed to vomit, but because my tum-tum was doing flips and turns like a fucking rollercoaster due to my crippling anxiety. Usually, I would do little exercises that helped me regulate like my mom taught me, but that just reminded me that I was in a different universe where I might not be able to see my mom - or anyone I knew in real life - ever again. These consistent, little thoughts did not help my already upside-down stomach.

I was sitting in the bunker, in the room with the table that has the big map of the world. I liked to call this room the “meeting room” when I watched the show because… they met people in the meeting room. Come on, it was like the foyer of the bunker so everyone had to pass through it to fight and argue and shiz.

Anyway, I was sitting in the meeting room surrounded by men that I never thought I’d ever meet in person. Maybe the reason for my anxious tum was because of the “omg-smexy-men-are-staring-at-me” effect. If so… give me an anxiety stomach ache every day.

Dean sat straight across from me at the map table. Even though he wasn’t in pouncing position anymore, he was still on guard; which, I mean, valid. All that shit he’s gone through definitely made him a tough cookie. 

Castiel was standing right behind Dean’s chair like a guardian angel. I mean, literally right behind. He was basically breathing down the hunter's neck. Maybe he liked the smell.

And Sam.

Oh. Sammy. Boy!

He had his ass sat directly on the table and was staring at me in wonder. Sam’s hair was hanging in his face at an angle that was just… perfect. It was also the perfect length, not short enough to make him look like he was 15 and not long enough where he looked crusty. Did I mention that he looked fucking perfect? Honestly, if I didn’t know any better I would’ve thought Sam was the angel.

No offense, Cas.

All three attractive men were gathered around the meeting table to discuss me. Me! I was kinda feeling myself and basking in the attention that I was getting from multiple hot men before I realized something a bit alarming.

Dean, Castiel, and Sam… were deciding what to do with me. I wouldn’t put it past Dean if he decided to kill me or abandon me in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. He doesn’t seem like the type to have a father instinct for just some random teen.

…or maybe whoever’s body I’m occupying is important to him.

“Y’all gonna talk or just stare?” I asked. Yes, during my whole internal monologue full of ogling men and withering away from anxiety, not a single person talked. They gave each other looks, but they didn’t utter a word. 

Someone finally decided to speak up after realizing how weird they were being.

“So…” Sam started. He had his hand thoughtfully under his chin. I thought I might mention it because it almost took me out, “You just appeared out of nowhere?”

“I mean, I guess so. I’m just as confused as you guys are,” I spin in my chair, “Honestly, I thought I was just having one of my regularly scheduled psychedelic dreams but then, I woke up with Dean in my face.”

“A dream?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, dude, a dream. I was basically floating in this void and then I started hearing someone telling me to wake up and then… Dean’s face.” I took another twirl in my chair. 

The guys looked like they were trying to solve a puzzle. They had their thinking caps on full blast, you should have seen their faces. 

“Did you try the usual holy water, sliver, cross stuff?” Sam turned to Dean in question.

“Yeah,” Dean replied.

I get trying to make sure I’m not a bad type of baddie, but he could have used his non-dominant hand so it wouldn’t be as hard cause damn. That shit really hurt.

“They didn’t try to attack you?” Sam continued.

“No.”

“Then, I think we should be good for now. We can let them stay here since they seem discombobulated,” Bless you, Sam. You’re the greatest of all these fuckers.

“But if they try anything, they're out,” Cas nodded along with Dean’s words. The angel barely even looked like he was listening to what Dean was actually saying, “And if we figure out you were lying about who you are, I will find a way to send you to hell. Trust me.” 

Go shit on a brick, Dean. And you too Cas, agreeing with Dean like a lost puppy. 

“Okay…” I muttered. I didn’t really like the idea of dying, especially if it was in someone else’s body, but what could I have done? Said no? Been kicked to the curb? I’m not really worth anything to them so-

…wait.

“You never told me, whose body is this?” 

All of a sudden, it got a little awkward. Sam’s cheeks were pink and Dean was avoiding my eyes. Even Cas looked a little weird.

“Well-” Dean started.

“We-” 

“Sam found the kid on a hunt and couldn’t help but save them. They almost died, but Sammy got Cas to heal them,” Dean blurted. Sam’s face turned a dark red now that the truth was out to the masses.

“W-well you cared about them enough to train them!” Sam retorted. Now it was Dean’s turn for a red face. 

“You brought them stacks of books!”

“You made them your big bacon breakfast…three times! I can barely get you to cook for me!”

“You eat salad. I’m not making a fucking salad for a meal!” 

“It’s good for your body! Your body will rot away from all the red meat you eat!”

“At least I’m not eating rabbits' food!”

“You know,” Cas finally piped up, “The kid was bound to die.”

Silence. Damn, dude. That was a bit harsh, wasn’t it? From what I heard just now, the Winchester brothers really liked this kid. It kind of makes me feel bad for pushing them from their own body, but… what was Cas saying?

“They were meant to die the night of the hunt. Right on the floor of their living room where you found them. It was their fate. It was a miracle I was able to heal them and it was almost impossible for them to survive a month like they did,” Sam and Dean were getting pissed. Castiel - bless his heart - didn’t seem to notice, “They were never supposed to have formed relations with you two because you weren’t supposed to meet them while they were still alive.”

Poor Cas and his sucky communication skills. Now due to his harsh words, the angel’s collar was being winkled by Dean’s man hands. Castiel didn’t look alarmed at all. I wasn’t sure if it was because Dean was a mere human or because the majority of the Supernatural fandom was right about these two.

“Shut up,” Dean seethed. Sam was hovering behind Dean either waiting his turn to get a lick in or making sure Dean didn’t take it too far. I was now feeling really bad because this was all making a bit of sense. I finally understood why Castiel didn’t seem fazed by my sudden appearance, why he’s been saying all this shit about how this person should be dead already.

Speaking of Castiel, he was just letting Dean choke him up against the table. I knew he didn’t really need my help in the situation, but I was starting to feel a little awkward just sitting there. It’s way different seeing these men fight when they’re on screen and I’m in a whole other world looking like a mole rat on my couch. 

With courage that I didn’t know I had, I muttered, “Guys… I need to take a shit. Real bad.”

Three pairs of eyes turned to look at me in… surprise? Disgust? Both? It didn’t really matter what they thought of my statement, all that mattered was Castiel’s insensitive words were forgotten. For now.

Fingers combing through his hair, Sam sighed, “Come on then,” he said, walking off. He expected me to follow him and I did. To the best of my ability. He’s got long fucking legs, so he’s got even longer fucking strides. I had to practically run and I’m of average height!

Sam finally stopped at the door to the bathroom. I didn’t actually have to shit, but I figured I could use this opportunity of aloneness to recoup, realign, and do all things zen. 

Closing the door to the bathroom, I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. Today was one of the weirdest days of my life. I wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad weird yet, but it was weird. I never thought I would travel to a different universe. I never thought I would ever meet the Winchesters. I never thought I would get to walk with my own two feet - mostly - through the bunker that I’ve adored for years. 

What the hell brought me here? I wasn’t really complaining, but I still have to wonder. Was this planned? Was this person’s body kept alive for me to go in it? Do I have to save this world somehow? Am I connected to something here? Was this fate like Castiel mentioned?

I sat on the toilet seat feeling pretty lost. I wasn’t sure why it was so bright in the fucking bathroom, but it was bothering me so I slammed my face onto my lap. It was dark and warm and what I really needed at the moment. 

I know, a really sharp change in my emotions, but that’s just how it be sometimes. Perhaps being alone right now wasn’t the best decision. Usually, being alone worked, but now it felt like there were 20-pound weights on my shoulders, and it was getting kind of hard to breathe. It was also really hot, so I started squirming on the toilet seat like that was gonna cool me off.  I don’t know what I thinking because that’s not how heat works.

Then, I thought I could sit on the floor and continue my deep ponder about how the fuck I got into this situation, but I finally realized I was having a panic attack and didn’t really want to move. I found that if I moved, I would black out or it would be 10 times worse, but who knows, maybe this body works differently.

So, I moved to the floor. The floor was nice and cool, but then I started thinking about spiders because I was on the floor in an underground bathroom and spiders here really made sense. I wanted to get back on the toilet, but my body didn’t wanna listen. So now, I was a lump of a human on the bathroom floor that was probably shivering, but I couldn’t really feel my body anymore.

I wonder why when my body’s panicking my thoughts are calmer than when my body’s not panicking. It doesn’t really make sense. Like, none of my thoughts were screaming at me or telling me to do stupid shit. They were just calmly saying stuff like ‘you should get up’ or ‘there might be spiders here’ or ‘your probably gonna die, but take your time’. 

Yeah, the calm thoughts were definitely worst.

Now I recognized the feeling of tears falling down my face and I felt pretty pathetic. I mean, what the fuck was I crying for? Nothing was wrong. They hadn’t killed me yet. I’d always wanted to travel to another world, but I guess my body couldn’t take it. Wait! This wasn’t even my fucking body!

“So goddamn pathetic,” I wheezed. My right cheek was pressed against the floor and when I talked I could feel the tears smearing all over the place and it gave me the ick, but I couldn’t stop myself from crying. 

I love to mention the fact that I have a superiority complex, but I never talk about the opposite of that. My dandy ‘you’re a fucking loser and will never do anything in your life’ complex. It always sneaks up on me at the worst times, like when I’m supposed to be enjoying myself in another universe for crying out loud, and makes me feel more worthless than - fucking - everything. It makes me wanna crawl into a hole and never come back out.

Feeling worthless and having a panic attack simultaneously isn’t the best. It means not only can you not breathe, but you also don’t feel like trying. So, I laid on the floor of the bathroom and didn’t do any of the breathing exercises that my therapist taught me. I just waited to black out.

“Hey, kid, you doing okay in there?” Sam’s voice sounded so far away. I could barely hear it. My lungs were starting to hurt from lack of air, so I curled my aching body into a pathetic little ball.

Pathetic.

“Did you hear me?” Sam sounded. I didn’t move a muscle. I wasn’t surprised when I heard his footsteps getting farther from the door. Of course, he would abandon me. Even I would abandon myself. I was so damn pathetic that I didn’t deserve to be cared for.

Bang!

“Kid! What the hell?” Sam’s voice was now closer. Was it odd that I could smell him? Was I really that desperate for someone that I was imagining things?

So fucking pathetic.

Strong arms lifted me off the floor. I was now pushed against a firm chest and not cold tiles. I don’t think I was imagining this, but I wasn’t gonna get my hopes up. I couldn’t see much because of the tears, so I just snuggled deeper into Sam’s flannel.

More footsteps approached. More voices.

“What the hell happened?”

“They were in the bathroom and I heard sobbing, but they wouldn’t answer the door.”

“Are they hurt?” 

“No, I think they’re having a panic attack.”

“A what?”

“A panic attack, Dean. I’m just gonna get them to lay down somewhere other than the floor.”

“The floor? Did they pass out?”

Sam brushed my hair back to see my face, “Maybe. They’re awake now.”

When we got to the couch, Sam put me down and crouched in front of me. He was looking into my eyes while I was trying to look at his. 

“Breathe with me,” Sam whispered gently. 

I tried to do what he said, but my lungs were burning. Every breath I tried to take would come out shaky or devolve into a sob. Sam slowly took my hands, giving me a chance to pull away, and continued breathing with me. It took a while, but soon I was breathing steadily and my crying had stopped.

“You okay?” Sam asked.

I nodded.

“You want some water?” 

I nodded again.

“Dean?” Sam turned to his brother that was standing behind him, “Mind getting them some water?”

Before Dean could move Castiel appeared with a glass of water in hand. I hadn’t even noticed he had left. The angel handed me the glass and while I gulped it down, he stayed hovered over me. He looked really worried, but I wasn’t sure why.

“Does this happen a lot?” Sam questioned. His hand was still holding one of mine. It was comforting.

“Yeah,” I croaked, “No big deal.”

“Is there something wrong with them?” The shorter brother asked.

“Nah, I’m just kinda sensitive,” I huffed, “Kind of hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with that in this body.”

“Sorry you have to,” said Sam, “I know how it feels.”

Well, well, well. One of my personal headcannons was true. 

I gave Sam a smile and finally let go of his hand. I didn’t really wanna talk about this anymore.

“So, you guys got anything to eat?”

I used my own experience with panic attacks to write the scene in this chapter, so if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

AN: loved this chapter sm. I really like the tone of this fanfiction and I'm gonna try to keep it like this so when it gets dark... well- it doesn't get too depressing.

Hope you enjoyed!

[manicpixiedreamjop]

for prompt: “we’re both always doing laundry in the building laundry room at like 3am" from @bloomrebounds

pairing: solomon tozer/edward little

cw: frequent references to ned’s mental health, including self-isolation, lack of self care and panic attacks

***

Ned did not know why his depression decided that the middle of the night on a Monday was the time he was finally able to get off his couch and get started on the chores he’d been putting off for weeks, but if it meant he would finally have clean shirts to wear instead of the same hoodie he’d had on for the last three days straight, he was just going to let it happen. Which is what brought him to his apartment building’s laundry room at just past three in the morning, only to discover all of the machines already in use, and a large man with dirty blonde hair sitting on top of one of the dryers, a small, battered paperback in one hand.

“Hi,” said Ned, still clutching his laundry basket in front of him, not sure what else to do. The fact that he wouldn’t have to see anyone else had been part of what had pushed him to leave the apartment in the first place, still dressed in his stained hoodie and old, threadbare pyjama pants.

The man jumped slightly, looking up from his book and pulling out one earbud. He was handsome, Ned realised, because of course he had to be, when Ned was dressed like this and couldn’t remember off the top of his head the last time he had showered.

“Hey,” said the man. “Sorry, didn’t think anyone would be down here this time of night or I would’ve left one open.”

“That’s okay.” Ned’s voice was rough from the last few days of disuse, and he cleared his throat quietly. “I’ll just. Uh. Come back.”

“These should be done in-” He twisted where he was sitting to look at the time on the washing machine, and Ned could see the flexing of the muscles in his side under his very tight white t-shirt. “Five minutes. If you want to wait.”

Ned didn’t want to wait, didn’t want to let himself be perceived by this stupidly handsome man at the height of his depression pit, probably smelling of sweat and coffee and desperation. He also knew that if he went back up to his apartment now, he would not be coming down again that night. He dropped his clothes hamper on the floor and leaned back against one of the washing machines. He hadn’t even bothered bringing his phone downstairs with him, so he picked a spot on the wall to stare at, and tried to brace himself for five minutes of awkward silence.

The man did not, however, as Ned had expected, go back to reading his book. Instead, he studied Ned for a few long moments, then dogeared his page and put it down beside him. “I’m Sol.”

“Ned.”

“You lived here long?”

Ned shoved his hands in his pockets. He wasn’t sure he was feeling up for small talk, but he also didn’t want to be a dick when this guy was clearly trying to be nice. “A year, about,” he said. “It’s near my job and it’s cheap, so.” He didn’t mention that it had been several months since he’d actually been to his job in person, managing to convince them to let him do his work from home when socialising had started being Too Much earlier that year.

“What do you do?”

“It’s not very interesting.”

“Try me.”

“I’m a data analyst for a tech company. Look at their inputs and outputs, figure out what they need to improve on.”

Sol let out a bark of a laugh, slightly jarring in the small, quiet space. “You weren’t kidding, that sounds boring as shit.”

Ned was surprised to find himself smiling back, just a little. He wasn’t sure he remembered the last time he smiled. It felt strange on his face. “It’s kind of relaxing,” he said, lifting himself up onto the dryer beside Sol, putting them at eye level. Sol had nice eyes, he found himself thinking, and he didn’t even try to push the thought away. “I like pattern recognition and that sort of thing. Feels like solving a puzzle or something.” He expected Sol to scoff at him like most people did when he said things like that, but instead he just nodded.

“I can see that. I mean, not for me, I’m shit at that sort of thing, but - whatever works.”

“What about you?” asked Ned, and he was pleased to realise he wasn’t even asking out of some sort of sense of obligation, he genuinely wanted to know. “What do you do, I mean.”

“Security,” said Sol. “For a fancy law firm downtown. Usually don’t mind it too much but they’ve got me on graveyard shift the next couple months while my coworker’s on paternity leave and it’s fucked my whole schedule.”

“Hence the laundry at 3am.”

“At least it’s quiet in here this late. Well, usually.”

Ned had just opened his mouth to apologise for intruding when he saw the twinkle in Sol’s eye and the smile at the corner of his mouth.

“I’ll try to be quieter,” he said, shooting Sol a grin of his own.

They smiled at each other for a beat longer than Ned expected, and something, long dormant, seemed to awake and twist slightly in his chest.

Before Ned could say anything else, the washing machine next to Sol turned off with a little chime and Sol slid off the dryer and to his feet.

“What’s your excuse then?”

“My excuse?” Ned followed Sol down off the row of dryers and walked back to his clothes hamper, ready to start filling the washers as soon as Sol was done transferring his clothes over.

“For doing laundry at 3am. From what you said about your job it sounds like one of those 9 to 5 types.”

“I’ve been working remote for a while. Health issues.”

“Nothing too bad I hope?”

Ned paused, trying to figure out a way to explain his situation without telling a complete stranger ‘my brain’s fucked and I was having panic attacks about getting out of bed every morning.’ “Chronic but not life threatening,” he eventually settled on.

Sol nodded, taking a step back from the washers. “Good. All yours.”

“Thanks,” said Ned, stepping around Sol to get to the washers. They were close enough in the cramped space that their shoulders brushed as Ned moved past him, and, unless Ned was imagining things, Sol pressed gently into the contact for a split second before he stepped away.

“Same time next week then?” asked Sol, pressing the start button on the dryer.

“I’ll have to check my schedule,” said Ned with a confidence he wasn’t sure he completely felt. “Might have something else next Monday at 3.”

Sol snorted, picking up his book and shoving it into the back pocket of his jeans. “See you ‘round, Ned,” he said, and then he was shoving open the door back into the hallway, and Ned was alone again.

For the first time in a long time, he wished he wasn’t. For the first time in a long time, he was looking forward to seeing someone again.

He put his quarters in the machine, picked up his laundry hamper, and walked back to the flat, and, once he got inside, turned on the shower.

[theteasetwrites]

I just finished watching twd’s final episode (ya i know im so late) aaand I totally agree with you. That episode was so rushed, everything happened so fast. As expected it was a total chaos.

I literally cried when Rosita died, I really wish it was Judith or RJ just to give Michone something to be guilty abt. Yaa I’m not a fan of Michonne and her leaving the kids to find Rick.

I loved the scene between Daryl and Carol in the end, it just showed how platonic their love for each other and nothing more people!

The explosion? UGHH.

The dinner after the explosion? Major cringe and very confusing, I mean not like they celebrated after the war with the Saviors? It just didn’t make sense.

And oh Maggie, my dearest. She deserves peace and happiness but I get her, if I were her I would’ve killed Annie so atleast we’re even.

Kinda disappointed. After 11 seasons we deserved a better ending. But hey, I am excited that Rick Grimes is back.

And yes, Daryl deserves a happy ending too. And thank goodness we have you to give him that! <3

Yeah it was very rushed, messy, lazy, and insulting. I mean it could've been a lot worse, but it could've been so much better if they had actually taken the time to make a good, well thought out last season instead of throwing in so many useless storylines. I mean the whole Reaper arc should've been thrown out. They could've used that time to delve into the Commonwealth stuff earlier. Also when they spent that whole episode in 11b focusing on Eugene trying to solve that mystery with Hornsby and Stephanie and all that shit... so ridiculous just give me 45 minutes of Daryl showering and I'll be happy

Anyway, Rosita dying was horrendously sad. I mean it was a beautiful death that was at least peaceful which is what she deserves, but it was still so sad. At least she died in the very last episode instead of in the middle of the series, so we got as much Rosita content as we could get.

I WISH JUDITH HAD DIED TOO HAHA. No fr what was the point of Judith getting shot if she wasn't going to die? Just to fuck with us? And to waste time? Seriously her getting shot was such a waste of time, it's insulting. She should've died and then it would at least have some payoff. But noooo they just had to do that stupid Carl/Rick parallel with Judith and Daryl. I rolled my eyes so hard man. It was just so lazy and they thought they were being so clever like ok get over urself besties

And you're so right, Michonne should feel guilty for leaving her kids! I mean tbh if Judith and RJ were my kids I'd probably abandon them too (not really lol) but yeah.

The Carol and Daryl scene was also pointless imo. I mean I guess it was cool if you like their friendship but I don't even think their friendship is that fun to watch lol so yeah. The "I love you" was definitely platonic but it read as more caryl baiting for the carylers.

That explosion was so ridiculous. How did they pull that off in a matter of a few hours? I was baffled. It was so weird and unrealistic lol. I mean I realize I am asking for realism in a show about zombies, but at some point realism is required for the show to make sense within the context, you know?

Everything was just way too convenient in that last episode. The explosion, Daryl just so happening to have the universal donor blood type (yeah fucking right), Judith surviving that gunshot wound, barely anyone in the main cast dying, everyone celebrating after destroying half the city and a ton of Commonwealth civilians dying... SUPER WEIRD.

Yeah the dinner was so cringey I'm sorry. It just felt so unearned and wrong. I mean they just faced a tragedy. Luke died hours ago and his group went from sobbing uncontrollably to laughing as they clink glasses at the dinner table like EXCUSE ME lmao. And once again, that huge explosion must've been super devastating to the structure of the city. How can the group be celebrating at a time like this? Also don't get me started on how EXHAUSTED they would've been after all of that, and yet they made a five course Thanksgiving meal in less than 24 hours after a really bad walker invasion??? And I know for a fact it was less than 24 hours later because Rosita was still alive and you can't live more than 24 hours with that fever from the bite. So stupid I'm sorry guys I wanna like it but I just can't.

MAGGIE SHOULD DEFINITELY KILL ANNIE HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

I totally agree my friend. Sorry for ranting but you made some great points that got me thinking about how irrationally mad I am at the finale lol. I just think it could've been so much better. And then after the one year time jump, it was way too saccharine and didn't match the tone of the rest of the episode or the season. I think that they still could've given them that happy ending without it being so colorful and bright and everyone smiling super big and idk it was just way too perfect and utopian looking. They could've done a way more nuanced thing that didn't make me feel as uncomfortable as it did lol. It was almost uncanny how saccharine the ending was.

Daryl is going to get the happiest ending of anyone in the series by the time I'm done with him in my series. He is gonna grow old with his wife and kids. He will know peace <3

[exittapes]

Security Guard Is Redundant

How they crucified me on a hot surface Like a rabbit in a bleeding-out pose Tied to the hood of a large luxury car Not unlike a bat trying to two-step

But even the soul was plugged-in To how many house’s electrical Losing four inches off of my height During that extended brutality

Over a stoned schizophrenic phone-call Where I was repeatedly asked About any criminal activity in the past

The melted face yet contains phallic images Of their sense of middle-school humor That was carved into the beard with the heat

Who should I have been?
Someone that enjoys pain? Adam Sandler? …That’s hilarious… They would’ve hated that…

These officers decided they had my permission To torture me in every way possible Because they were going to win as a result

Admitting at least that this is why They were successful in Iraq and Afghanistan

And as there were no laws against This kind of cybernetic violence They’d definitely only prepared for getting away clean As this was what they called their war at-home

They needed the man who prophesied Al-Qaeda would work with Republicans While being only a minute off In predicting the first tower being attacked…

“Between 7 and 9 and they’ll probably use 45’s If you can solve that code, Bush, you might deserve To be president after all…”

…To die for their idiocy That surrounded its pre-intelligence At every calculable angle

Their mind-numbing Surrealist Pig contributions To the internal dialogue Is extraordinarily over-documented On any number of websites Where I took down every word within

It was their attempt to protect America From its real obsolescent guilt In the intelligence grid that didn’t fail

Because I was there to save the day The night before the Anti-Police Holiday That I’d tried all summer to prepare them for

But where it was decided they’d take advantage Of whatever the terrorists were plotting To be their children’s heroes once again

[unitedstatesoflyssa]

ALL OF THE BOOKS I'VE LOVED BEFORE

2024 has been a shitty year for me, reading-wise. I started reading for leisure again in 2022, shortly after I graduated from my English department, because I wanted to try to find the childlike joy books had once given me in a time before pandemics and heartbreaks and boy hands. I read 43 books in 2023. I felt like all I could do was read in 2023. Now, in 2024, I went – like – illiterate there for a minute? But either way. Here it is. In all of its golden glory; a master list of the books I've read this year.

A Court of Silver Flames // Sarah J. Maas

7/10

First read of the year, to cap off the ACOTAR series, which I’d started at the insistence of my little sister in May of 2023. I’ve always hated Nesta. As an older sister, I couldn’t imagine putting my little sisters through what Nesta allowed Feyre to endure; although this book gave me a better perspective of why Nesta came off as detached and downright evil throughout the first half of the series. I relate to her in many aspects. I felt as though this was a solid fantasy, and loved the female friendship aspects of it. However, points off for gratuitous sex scenes and the fact that I still wasn’t wholly sold on Nesta as a character despite feeling like Nesta every day of my life. 

Betty // Tiffany McDaniel

9/10

Practically no notes. Ugh! What a beautiful story of childhood innocence, resilience, and overcoming generational trauma and poverty – all against the backdrop of the Appalachian Mountains. It took me a while to get into this one; I started and stopped it thrice throughout the course of 2023, but once I picked it back up and got through the first two chapters, I physically could not set the book down. It was like reading something on a collision course. Highly recommend. 

The Grace Year // Kim Liggett

10/10

My first perfect rating of the year. The religious trauma leapt out. Think The Hunger Games meets the Salem Witch Trials meets The Handmaid’s Tale. Such a quick read, too – I think I read the entire thing in one day, on two separate flights to Minneapolis and Boston, respectively. My favorite “fantasy” of the year thus far. If there’s one book on this list that I recommend you pick up, it’s probably this one. I think you’ll love it too. 

The Cruel Prince // Holly Black

8/10

This year has been all about catching up on the novels that my friends always said I’d love, but I was to pretentious to read. As the neurons in my frontal lobe snap together, I feel myself getting less proud by the day – something you should probably all be grateful to hear. This was one such read. I loved Jude. A piece of me is Jude, powerhungry and ruthless, but without the penchant for swordplay. However, I got a bit lost in the sauce throughout the middle? Maybe I can blame that one for exclusively reading it on a treadmill. 

House of Flame And Shadow // Sarah J. Maas

Did Not Finish (DNF)

Ah, the book that started the months-long reading slump. Sarah, I’m owed personal compensation for the time you made me waste on reading this. I didn’t even love Crescent City 1, but the character assassination of Bryce, Hunt, and hell, even Ruhn was PAINFUL. Would not recommend. Crescent City 1 is a fun standalone. It’s giving Scooby Doo. Hot people solving crimes with a fun pet sidekick. Read that one and be done. We don’t need the Sarah J. Maas multiverse of madness. (Sorry bestie - still love ya.)

Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup // John Kerryrou

8.5/10

I have a feeling if I’d read this before Elizabeth Holmes’s penultimate trial, it would’ve ranked lower, as a lot of the loose ends were inevitably tied up by Kerryrou’s coverage of aforementioned trial. However, one of my goals for 2024 was to read more nonfiction – stuff like this, creative nonfiction, personal essays, all of it. I want to learn things, and I’ve always had a bit of a morbid fascination with the downfall of Theranos. Kerryrou is a journalist, so this was written in approachable, relatable language; great starter nonfiction if you, too, want to brush up on your niche hyperfixation conversation topics. 

Before We Were Innocent // Ella Berman

8/10

This one ranks highly for two reasons, and not necessarily because of the work itself: 

I was laid up in bed for several weeks with two fractured metatarsals, and confined to the four millennial grey walls of my apartment, I felt like I was losing it a bit. I read this one in an afternoon outside on my back patio, broken foot elevated on a tower of pillows, as my husband practically spoon-fed me fruit salad. This, of course, made for a delicious reading experience. 

Because of the broken foot, I was on a bit of pain medication through this time, and I think it made this book glitter a bit more than it actually did. I think I was just glad to have my mind off of the things I was missing out on – like going to the gym, and going on walks, and dancing in the sun, and running laps in the rain. 

Altogether it’s a fun true crime novel reminiscent of Amanda Knox. Real ones know I went through a total Amanda Knox phase my freshman year of college, and all I could talk about was the miscarriage of justice by Italian police on that one. So sub out my motherland for Greece, and put two strange-acting girls in there instead of one, and boom, you have this novel. Reese Witherspoon never disappoints with her selections. 

8. Bright Young Women // Jessica Knoll

6/10

Ugh, such conflicting feelings on this one. You can tell I was in a bit of a true crime phase here. This one’s a fictionalized version of the Chi Omega murders, which famously brought down Ted Bundy. I don’t love that the author chose replace the real narratives of women who were actually impacted by these horrific acts and commodified this story. However, based off of the acknowledgements – it seems she had their blessing? I usually love the types of commercial fiction that feel real enough to touch. Taylor Jenkins Reid does this masterfully. However, this one felt… insensitive at its best. But the writing style was propulsive, and it quickly became another book I devoured on a travel day. 

9. Five Survive // Holly Jackson

5/10

Another travel day book. One thing about me – I really try to avoid screentime while flying, because it may be one of the only times I feel like I can really detach from whatever’s going on below. You will catch me in my Delta economy seat, legs folded beneath me, thumbing through whatever book I’m reading at record speed. I read this one on a flight to DC and remember thinking that I wished it was longer. Again, the true crime phase. I was deep in it. But yeah. Not much to say here. It’s a thriller novel. 

10. The Nightingale // Kristin Hannah

10/10

Oh, Lord. What do I even say about this masterpiece? 

Some might call it a beach read. Fine, whatever. Sue me. Lock me up and throw away the key – this formerly pretentious English major, who used to impress boys based on her knowledge of Nabokov and Murakami, LOVES a good beach read every now and then. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where, if I’m picking up a book, I want to actually escape into its pages. I’m a bit past laboring over purple prose or analyzing the quality of the text itself. This isn’t to say I won’t give what I read a halfway decent literary critique – I still can’t bring myself to finish books with terrible writing, and I’ll admit that I do still see myself as “above” most BookTok-type books – but at this point, I’m just too beat to care. Like, I can barely afford to keep a roof over my head and purchase healthy groceries, why would I spend the same mental energy that I do at the checkout line whining over prose on the Internet? 

Anyways. This one. Oh my gosh. I really, genuinely have no words. Books don’t often make me emotional. I’ve read everything I could get my hands on since I was, like, three. But this one made me full-body sob. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Kristin Hannah, I could kiss you.

Side note: I read this one in a night, too, not because I was traveling, but because I actually wanted to. 

11. The Women // Kristin Hannah

9/10

It’s hard to follow up a masterpiece like The Nightingale, although I do think this one held its own. I’m mostly just freaked out that the main character hailed from my father’s San Diego, her love interest from my mother’s San Antonio, and she ended up (spoilers!) in my beloved Garden City of Missoula, Montana. Kristin, if you are in my walls, please get out expeditiously. I’m going to have to ask you to start paying rent. 

And, as an aside, here’s all of the books I’m currently reading: 

Magnolia Parks // Jessa Hastings (which I’m loving. It feeds my Love Island UK proclivities. I never said I wasn’t a whore for reality TV. I said I was pretentious. Those are two different things.)

Everything I Know About Love // Dolly Alderton (sort of what inspired me to resurrect my Tumblr. I found myself relating to her need to do things for the anecdote a bit too much. I thought that maybe, I, too, could immortalize these things to laugh on when I am not twenty-something.)

Demon Copperhead // Barbara Kingsolver (which I think will be a bit like Betty, and I’ll have to power through the first several chapters in order to actually blitz through the rest. Fun writing style, though. Just getting bored of it fast.) 

Adult Drama // Natalie Beach (Okay, okay, I haven’t actually started this one yet, but it’s been on my list. Like I said! It’s the year of the personal nonfiction novel! And admittedly, I worshiped Caroline Calloway when I was sixteen and thought I was deep, so I’m invested in Natalie’s side of the narrative.)

And, I know what you’re thinking: here’s this privileged white girl, reading her privileged white girl books. I know, I know. I desperately need to diversify my reading list, and believe it or not, it is something I’ve been intentional about this year. I really hope to spend the latter half of the year reading books from diverse perspectives. Fiction and nonfiction alike bear such an incredible opportunity to educate and broaden the perspectives of those who read. 

So there’s that. The books from a girl who loves books. Hit my “ask” box for recommendations. I love giving the oddly specific ones. 

Xoxo

Lys

[rainsmediaradio]

Drake - You Broke My Heart Lyrics

Intro Yeah Yeah Oh, baby, don't go Don't go Look Look Verse 1 My notepad caught many bodies Screenshots solved plenty problems Voice notes bagged plenty hotties Can't just talk to me like anybody Can't just talk to me like anybody Man, you bitches know that I'm a somebody And lil' baby bad, she got a drum body Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Bunch of feelings I just couldn't shake Disrespect that I just shouldn't take You just couldn't see the good in Drake Four months not a long time, but you fucked somebody, you just couldn't wait You broke my heart, you broke my heart Interlude It hurts Yeah If you just believe Yeah Verse 2 I put careers on shelves like Amazon distribution center help Really hate to call lil' broski for the dirty work, I'd rather do it by myself, grrah, grrah, grrah My tour route'll leave a lazy nigga dizzy Got more tracks than when a hair salon is busy Flow for days like that River Mississippi Freaky nigga like I sing with Pretty Ricky Huh? Yeah, yeah Got the adlibs from Smiggy Nails done, but my trigger finger itchy Clutchin' on a blicky, shit is gettin' tricky People love to diss me out here Every single thing, man, I'm all ears like I took the fam to Disney Guess that's one way to tell me that you miss me Interlude Don't go Don't go Yeah Verse 3 You broke my heart I had my doubts about you from the start Pushed to the edge like Vert On Instagram, diggin' up dirt You wanted smoke with me first Well, this one gon'— Yeah, this one gon' hurt Down bad boys, sad boys, I been representin' since birth Yeah, I would die bad 'bout you, but I'm 'bout to have you down worse I swear you're dead to me, does Mercerdes make a hearse? Bridge Matter fact, everybody in this bitch scream out, "Fuck my ex" Yeah, fuck my ex Fuck my ex (Fuck my ex) Fuck my ex (Fuck my ex) Fuck my ex (Middle fingers up) Fuck my ex ('Bout turn this bitch up) Fuck my ex Fuck my ex (I should drop a name) Fuck my ex (Drop a couple names) Fuck my ex (Since you want some fame) Fuck my ex (Yeah, pussy niggas that you turnin' up with) Fuck my ex (In a whip, clownin' on me, yeah) Fuck my ex (Fuck my ex) Fuck my ex (Yeah, fuck my ex) Fuck my ex (Fuck my ex) Fuck my ex (Woah, woah, woah) Fuck my ex (I can't let it go) Fuck my ex (Payback a bitch) It's fuck my ex (If you ain't did this shit) Fuck my ex (You would've popped off, you would've said shit) Fuck my ex (You would've posted shit, I know your ass too well) Fuck my ex (Fuck my ex) Outro Lyin' Lyin' to my face Thought you would've shown a little grace How can I expect someone who never had they own place to know they damn place? Treatin' me like I'm dumb or somethin' Like you're runnin' somethin' Like they dropped you on your head when you was one or somethin' Fuck my ex, ayy, ayy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Fuck my ex, yeah, right, right, right Read the full article

[soft-jihoonie]

In These Coming Years Many Things Will Change, But The Way I Feel Will Remain The Same

Jimin doesn’t think he could possibly count the days that he’s been happy with Min Yoongi in his life, there are too many to count, rather he can count the days he didn’t feel happy with Yoongi around.

Yoongi x Jimin - university au - 3.1k words

Jimin doesn’t think he could possibly count the days that he’s been happy with Min Yoongi in his life, there are too many to count, rather he can count the days he didn’t feel happy with Yoongi around. Those days are very rare, so much so that he can count them all on one hand and recall them all very clearly. They were things that seemed so major at the time, but are so trivial right now, such as the day when Jimin confessed to Yoongi whilst they were still university students, and ran away before he got a response because he was so sure Yoongi wouldn’t feel the same. He spent that day feeling embarrassed and almost numb, locking himself away in Taehyung’s house with his phone off and eventually crying himself to sleep. Taehyung had told him he was being stupid and that he should’ve waited to see what Yoongi said, but it was clear that Jimin wasn’t going to listen, having already convinced himself that Yoongi hated him forever.

The next morning everything was solved though, Taehyung ratted out Jimin to Yoongi, not that Jimin would complain nowadays, and Yoongi turned up at the house refusing to leave until Jimin had seen him. Eventually, Yoongi had just pushed his way into the room, telling Jimin how stupid he was as he wiped tears from Jimin’s cheeks and kissed the tear tracks before pulling Jimin into a kiss. It was short and sweet and Yoongi repeated how much of an idiot Jimin was straight after, but Jimin would have to say it fit them so well.

For the week after Jimin kept asking, “Are you sure you like me?” It took Yoongi eventually pulling him into a kiss, in the middle of a busy corridor in their university, to get Jimin to stop asking.

There was another time when Yoongi had gotten quite jealous after seeing Jimin dancing a rather touchy choreography with Hoseok that they were practicing for a dance competition. After he’d watched them, Yoongi refused to talk to Jimin more than giving yes or no answers for the day. Jimin could clearly understand why Yoongi was acting that way, but to be ignored by his love felt incredibly painful to Jimin, who’s always been one for dramatics. Yoongi had disappeared to his studio for hours afterwards and had only come home when Jimin had texted him to say he was cooking dinner.

Jimin had hoped his boyfriend would’ve gotten over it by then as he usually does when he goes to his studio, but Yoongi kept up the walls even when he got home. It was only when Jimin had burst into tears in the middle of their kitchen whilst cooking that Yoongi had given up the act, and they spent the night cuddled up together in bed, Yoongi softly telling Jimin everything he loves about him and how he just never wants to lose him. Jimin told Yoongi how dumb he had been because there was no way he wanted anyone but Yoongi, and Yoongi apologised so many times that night until Jimin straddled his hips and kissed him to shut him up, the night’s atmosphere changing completely from there.

There are only 4 days Jimin hasn’t been happy with Min Yoongi in his life, and the third and fourth are possibly the saddest, but also the reason Jimin thinks he and Yoongi have lasted so long. It was the week before their wedding and it’s safe to say that tensions were pretty high due to the stress of trying to organise a wedding and accommodate to both parties guests. The argument had started over such a tiny thing, something like what type of flowers should be on the tables during the reception, Jimin can’t even fully remember.

Stress and tensions had been so high though that the argument had kept building up until Jimin’s stupid mouth had said, “Well maybe we shouldn’t get married then!” Jimin doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget the sad look in Yoongi’s eyes before he turned away and walked out the apartment.

Jimin had broken down crying instantly and by the time he’d rushed out of the apartment a few minutes later, Yoongi was nowhere to be seen, and Jimin had to be convinced to go back inside by his lovely little old neighbor who refused to let him go running around in the pouring rain with nothing but jeans and a t-shirt on. Jimin, drained of all the anger he’d felt in that moment arguing with Yoongi and feeling only overwhelming sadness, could not argue with his sweet neighbour so he allowed her to escort him back to his apartment.

After that his head was a bit more screwed in place and Jimin realised he could ring Yoongi, only to hear Yoongi’s ringtone in the apartment when he did, eyes fixed on the phone that lay on the counter next to Yoongi’s car keys and wallet. Immediately Jimin’s mind jumped to worse case scenario, as Yoongi was outside in the pouring rain with no phone or money, and no jacket.

He momentarily forgot his sadness as he frantically rang all his friends to see if Yoongi was with them, getting more and more frustrated with each reply of, “No he isn’t”, he got.

By the time Namjoon picked up, there were tears of frustration rolling down Jimin’s cheeks, the side of his hand wet as he tried to angrily wipe them away. All it took was for Namjoon to stay silent for a moment before mumbling out, “Uh well -”, and then Jimin was breaking down, voice cracking as he said, “Namjoon please.”

Namjoon’s next words hit Jimin so hard and all his sadness came flooding back, his stomach dropping as he heard the words, “He’s here, but - uh - he doesn’t want to see you Jimin.”

Jimin broke out into full on sobs as he forced himself to say, “Look after him please”, before hanging up. He doesn’t remember much after that, he knows he had dropped his phone, had heard the sound of glass smashing, but all he can focus on is how much he messed up because Min Yoongi was the best thing to ever happen to him and now he’s gone. He’s vaguely aware that he ended up on the floor by the couch, crying until there were no tears left, and eventually falling into a numbing sleep around 4 am. 

He’d probably only slept about 2 or 3 hours when he woke up, back and neck stiff from sleeping on the floor, Jimin thought he deserved that though, deserved any pain that would come to him. The only self-care he attempted was to drink some water and he even couldn’t do that right, his vision fogging as he lifted the glass of water to his lips and his head swimming from the sudden movement, and Jimin’s grip loosened on the glass.

It was as if everything went into slow motion as Jimin waited for the sound of smashing glass, and when he finally heard it he was just hit by more sadness because he couldn’t do anything right without Yoongi. Jimin was vaguely aware that he started crying again, felt himself sinking to the floor, and not feeling a thing when the glass cut him but staring at his hands with watery eyes as blood trickled down his arms. He spent that fourth day in that one position on the floor, tears non-stop as he watched his hands try to fix themselves and stop the blood for hours, vaguely aware of the sounds of his phone going off.

He figures his phone must have died at some point because all noise in the apartment, even if it seemed miles away to Jimin, stopped and Jimin was left in the silent darkness alone with nothing but his thoughts. He doesn’t know if he slept that night, just remembers his thoughts going to slightly dark places as he sat there in shattered glass, the cuts on his hands re-opening every time he clenched and unclenched his fists. He thinks he possibly just went into a dream state for hours, or a nightmare state rather, that was filled with thoughts of a life without Min Yoongi around.

In fact, Jimin really doesn’t remember anything he had done in the time since he’d heard Namjoon saying Yoongi doesn’t want to see him, just in the apartment but not really there as his mind tried to cope with him breaking apart. It must have turned into morning at some point because Jimin vaguely remembers the apartment getting lighter, vaguely hears the sounds of knocks on the door, but Jimin doesn’t deserve to see anyone in his eyes so he stays where he is until the knocking stops. He figures the person has given up but after a few moments and starts to drift back into his thoughts of despair before he hears the sound of the door being unlocked.

Jimin can’t even remember locking it and for a moment he panics that someone will see him in such a state but he can’t force himself to open his eyes. He hears the door open, still not fully listening, and then a voice says, “Jesus Jimin, are you incapable of doing anything? I get your whole family calling Namjoon because they’re worried about you and can’t get in touch with either of us, I shouldn’t have to deal with that right now.”

Jimin’s fully listening then because that’s Yoongi’s voice and god does he sound angry but Jimin’s never been more relieved to hear Yoongi’s voice before. Yoongi continues with, “Where the fuck even are you?”, and Jimin lets an involuntary sob because Yoongi may be angry with him still but Yoongi’s still here with Jimin. 

Jimin figures Yoongi’s heard him, doesn’t fully know because he’s still got his eyes squeezed shut as if Yoongi will be gone if he opens them. He hears footsteps before Yoongi says, “Shit Jimin, are you okay?”, and then there’s hands holding onto Jimin’s arms and Jimin’s sobbing again.

He doesn’t open his eyes yet but he reaches out for Yoongi, wincing as he finally feels the pain of the cuts on his hand opening again and then Yoongi’s grabbing Jimin’s hand and saying, “Jimin what the fuck did you do?”

Jimin opens his eyes then and Yoongi looks rough but he’s as beautiful as ever to Jimin and Jimin suddenly realises he can’t let Yoongi go now he’s here again. He uses the tiny bit of leftover strength he has to push himself into Yoongi’s touch, clinging onto him despite the pain in his hands as he sobs out, “Please don’t go, don’t leave me, I didn’t mean it, please Yoongi.”

Yoongi seems to study Jimin’s face before saying emotionlessly, “Have you had anything to drink or eat?”, and Jimin feels himself fall back, letting go of Yoongi as he shakes his head.

Yoongi stands and Jimin starts to panic that he’s going to leave for good this time, eyes squeezing shut again but then he hears the sound of the tap running before Yoongi’s roughly saying, “Here”, and Jimin opens his eyes to see a glass of water in front of him. He takes the glass, not wanting to anger Yoongi anymore, and tries to drink the water with shaky hands until Yoongi’s wrapping his hands around Jimin’s and helping guide the glass up to his lips.

Yoongi doesn’t let go until Jimin’s drank all the water, but he just takes the glass from him after it’s all gone and moves away to the sink. He isn’t even looking at Jimin as he says, “Go shower”, and Jimin begins to argue because he’s terrified of Yoongi leaving again but Yoongi just repeats himself, his tone slightly annoyed, and Jimin quickly pushes himself up to standing.

He lingers for a moment longer just looking at Yoongi before quickly making his way to the bathroom and having the quickest shower he thinks he’s ever had, ignoring the sting of shower gel and shampoo on his cuts because he’s so worried of Yoongi leaving whilst he’s still showering. But Yoongi is still there when Jimin heads to the bedroom to put on more than just a towel, clearing up the mess of glass, blood and water that Jimin’s left behind.

When Jimin returns, Yoongi is just wiping away the last of the water and Jimin finds himself saying, “I could’ve done that, I should’ve done that”, and Yoongi just gives him a deadpan look as he says, “Go sit at the table.”

Jimin figures at this point that if he wants Yoongi to stay then he shouldn’t argue with anything he says, so he moves over to the table where he and Yoongi have eaten together so many times and sits down in his usual seat. He watches as Yoongi retrieves the first aid kit from the cupboard, that they’ve never really needed to use until now, and makes his way over to Jimin, sitting in the seat next to him.

Yoongi doesn’t make eye contact with Jimin at all, just focuses on cleaning Jimin’s cuts properly, ignoring Jimin’s winces, and bandaging his hands. He’s being incredibly careful about everything he’s doing, being the same caring Yoongi Jimin’s always known, but when Jimin says, “Yoongi -”, he’s cut off by Yoongi’s emotionless voice saying, “Don’t.”

Jimin feels so silly but the tears start rolling down his cheeks as Yoongi bandages his hands, silent this time so that Yoongi doesn’t notice until he’s starting to pack away the first aid kit. Yoongi stops then, hand reaching out to wipe a tear away from Jimin’s cheek as he softly says, “Why are you crying again?”

Jimin’s voice cracks as he says, “You’re so angry with me and you’re going to leave which is all my fault, and yet you’re still taking care of me”, and he can’t even look at Yoongi anymore because he’s so angry with himself for fucking up something so good.

Yoongi’s hands reach to cup Jimin’s face as he says, “Jimin, hey, look at me”, and Jimin allows Yoongi to guide his head back up so they’re looking at each other. The older man sighs as he studies Jimin’s face before saying, “I'm not - I'm not going to leave.”

Jimin can almost visualise how shocked he must look as he trips over his words, “You - you’re not? But I - you’re so ang - angry with me.”

Yoongi looks away then and God Jimin’s so worried he’s lost him, but then Yoongi’s saying, “I'm not angry about what you said, I know you didn’t mean it, and Jin and Namjoon refused to let me believe you truly meant it. God, Jimin, I'm angry that you didn’t look after yourself, and that you worried our loved ones, what if something really bad had happened?”

Jimin realises Yoongi is crying as he chokes out, “What if - what if those cuts on your hands had been cuts elsewhere - bigger cuts? I was gone for almost 2 days Jimin, what if you had bled out? Do you know what it’s like to see the love of your life surrounded by glass and covered in his own blood?”

Jimin doesn’t care if it’s the wrong thing to do, he pulls Yoongi into a hug and doesn’t let go, whispering sorry’s and I'm okay’s as Yoongi sobs into his shoulder. Then the both of them are crying and they stay like that for a few hours, whispering I love you’s and please don’t go’s and Jimin just never wants to let go. Eventually, they do though, the position not the most comfortable and the two of them just about cried out, Jimin wipes away Yoongi’s left over tears before taking Yoongi’s hands in his.

Yoongi watches as Jimin kisses his knuckles and then looks up at him and says, “Please marry me.”

Yoongi starts laughing and Jimin’s taken aback but god does he love Yoongi’s laugh and when the laughs soften Yoongi says, “You already did the proposing part last year Jimin.”

Jimin smiles softly and says “I know but, I want to know - need to know that you still want to marry me? Because I want to be married to you, so badly.”

Yoongi smiles and leans forward to kiss Jimin softly before saying, “Of course I still want to marry you, you may be a pain in my ass sometimes but you’re my love, and I don’t want to let anyone else have the chance of having you.”

Jimin thought he was just about cried out but that doesn’t stop happy tears from rolling down his cheeks as he grins and Yoongi just calls him a dork as he pulls him into another a kiss.

They have the wedding a few days later and everything goes smoothly, Jimin telling his family that he just had a bit too much fun on his stag night and had forgotten to charge his phone. Of course, Jimin gets a right earful from Taehyung, Namjoon and Jin for worrying them all, but nothing can bring him down when he can see how happy his husband is, grinning as he talks to Jimin’s family who’s now his family too. 

That had been about two years ago and Jimin feels a stray tear rolling down his cheek as he remembers the events, standing on the porch of their house watching the sunset. He hears the door open behind him and then there’s arms wrapping around his waist and Yoongi’s resting his chin on Jimin’s shoulder. Jimin leans into his husband's touch as Yoongi says, “What are you thinking about?”

Jimin hums softly before saying, “Just that week before we got married.”

Yoongi’s arms tighten as he says, “Don’t. Don’t think about that.”

Jimin turns his head to look at Yoongi as he says, “It’s okay, it’s good to remind myself that we had hard times and yet here we are now.”

Yoongi hides his face in Jimin’s neck as he mumbles, “Still, I don’t like thinking about what could’ve happened to you”, and Jimin turns around entirely to face Yoongi.

He kisses Yoongi softly before saying, “Well then think about how I'm still here and how lucky we are to have each other”, and Yoongi hums in response before pulling Jimin into another kiss, mumbling, “I love you”, against Jimin’s lips.

Jimin pulls back, turning round to watch the sunset again, the skies coloured with blues and golds and oranges, before saying, “I love you too.”

Jimin can’t count the days he’s happy with Min Yoongi in his life because there’s rarely a day when Yoongi can’t make him feel better and Jimin constantly reminds himself how lucky he is to have found the love of his life who makes everything better.

[sarasapen]

Among the Blues and Greens

Another installation of the Little One series.

Summary: Meditation often allowed for Jedi to discover and learn about their thoughts and feelings, aiding them in solving their problems. This meditation session unfortunately reveals more than you’d like.

Or the one in which Obi-Wan’s Padawan realises she loves him.

Warnings: Language, meditation, slow dancing, yearning, revelations, forehead kisses, Past Obitine relationship mentions

Word Count: 3k

Star Wars Masterlist

-------

 You were a fraud.

 Whenever you felt particularly emotional, you meditated, as any good Jedi was supposed to do. Before daybreak, the gardens at the Sundari Royal Palace were relatively uninhabited, at least by people. You didn’t mind the plants and animals. Their energies were soothing, incorrupt, they just were. That’s how you find yourself there, for the third day in a row, trying desperately to calm the tempest that’s seen fit to take up permanent residence in your mind.

 Why were you a fraud? A fake? A poser?

 Because here you were, years of training under your belt, pretending to meditate. Fraud.

 It was an old ‘trick’ that young Padawans- very young Padawans, you added- resorted to when they were made to meditate. Sitting there with your eyes closed, trying to keep your breathing even. No actual self-exploration or deep diving into your mind, just putting up a facade that any force insensitive being wouldn’t see through.

 Unfortunately for you, Obi-Wan Kenobi was Force sensitive.

 “You’re pretending,” He muses, lowering himself beside you and crossing his legs, assuming the same position you were in. You keep your eyes closed, forcing your breaths to remain even as if he hadn’t even spoken. He sees right through it, amusement weaving into the deep blues that were his signature.

 Oftentimes you wondered what it was like, to be in the middle of all that was him. Observing one’s signature from the outside was very much different than actually experiencing it. Each individual’s signature was different, and his signature was always so wonderful… You wanted to learn more about it, about him. But you knew you wouldn’t ever dare to be brash enough to even brush your signature against his, let alone delve into him fully.

 His signature morphs, from the vibrant, rich hums to a gentle, soothing wave. He’s meditating.

 You scowl.

 He’s barely been sitting down for a minute, and he’s already accomplished what you’ve been trying to do for the past three days.

 “Focus your thoughts on something,” He suggests quietly, sending out a wash of calm over your prickling irritation. He’s guiding you, as he used to do years ago when you were a young and distractible little thing, and you let him.

 You’d let him do anything.

 You’re swept backwards into the deep abyss that’s your mind, and you fall freely, watching Obi-Wan’s signature withdraw slowly from yours. It’s like watching waves upon the shore, gently sweeping backwards and away, taking with it such tiny, essential parts of you while simultaneously shaping you into a thing to behold. It was always, before anything else, soothing.

 He didn’t like studying others’ energies too closely. It was a common trait amongst blue sabers, whilst reading people's energies were crucial for the Jedi, studying them at great lengths could often prove to be uncomfortable. But yours, he had said. He wouldn’t mind spending days traversing the inside of your mind if you’d let him.

 When you were younger, you’d asked him what your signature looked like to him. He said it was a mass of shades of green that were so beautiful he doubted the mere names of the colours or any other descriptive words would be able to do them any justice.

 Beautiful, was the word he’d always use.

 And he was…gentle, and kind, and smart. You exhale slowly, no longer stiff in your posture. He’s always been so patient with you, even with his occasional sarcastic comment. The perfect Jedi.

 Even as a youngling, you’d hear exaggerated stories from Padawans slightly older than you, or, at least, he insisted they were exaggerated. A few years into your training with him, you began to think that maybe the far-fetched stories weren’t so far-fetched after all.

 You’re so lucky, younglings would say shortly after you had become his Padawan. After all, Master Kenobi’s previous Padawan was the Chosen One. You’d have to be something special to attract his attention.

 And you were lucky. But not for the glory and the awe that sparkled in people’s eyes at the mention of his name. It was for his undivided attention on you, his genuine interest in the things you enjoyed, his efforts to shift your training to aid in what you wanted to specialise in, even if it was wildly different from what he was good at.

 Not that there was much he wasn’t good at.

 You loved the way he carried himself, not with arrogance or pride (both of which you thought would have been deserved), but with a humble sort of almost shyness. You loved that he pushed to do better, to be better, not for himself but for you and Anakin. You loved the way he conducted himself with people, even those considered to be the lowest of the lows, he treated them with so much respect and kindness.

 Perhaps it was just that he was a decent human being, but that didn’t mean you loved him any less.

 You loved the way he’d throw in a sharp remark when facing an adversary, or the way he’d stand tall even in the face of-

 Hold on.

 You loved him.

 You loved him. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-

 “What are you thinking about?” Obi-Wan calls from beside you, his voice no louder than a low murmur, and it still makes you flinch. “You’ve grown tense.”

 Play dumb. You could do that. Just… blurt out something random and leave it at that, and then you can-

 “She seems nice.”

 FUCK. Not that fucking dumb oh stars above you were so fucking screwed-

 “She… The Duchess?”

 “Yeah, your Duchess.” Oh kriffing hells, if you could just. stop. talking.

 “Duchess Satine is not my Duchess,” His force signature dips suddenly, as if he’s reeled everything back into himself. It pulls you along with it, and you can no longer pretend that you’re meditating. Not with the way your Master turns to face you, studying your features with a concerned curiosity. You tense up again, keeping your eyes trained on a lone tree, a distance away. There’s a caterpillar crawling on one of the branches, and you focus on that. You can tell that he can tell. He’s always been so good at reading you.

 “You…” He starts, but stops himself, straightening and regarding you once again.

 “Sometimes I find myself having to meditate more than usual. Even up to a few times a day, if I’m…” Obi-Wan’s gaze flickers down from your eyes for just a split second, a movement so quick he doesn’t even realise he’s done it. “Distracted.”

 There’s a stutter in your signature, one you try to hide by slamming up your walls, but the brush of Obi-Wan’s hand against your arm has you faltering. The waves of him approach slowly once again, waiting patiently beside the storm that’s your signature.

 “What’s gotten you so tense?” He probes gently, the weight of his hand against your shoulder mirroring the gentle reassuring taps of his signature against yours.

 “Do you love her?”

 You know what. There’s a ledge. Right there. You could just jump off. If you were dead you wouldn’t be facing this amount of embarrassment.

 “...I used to,” Obi-Wan reveals, and his admission surprises himself more than it does you. Not that he wasn’t aware of what the extent of feelings for Satine used to be, but admitting it, out loud? It was something he had never done before.

 “Used to?”

 “It was a lifetime ago, when I was still a Padawan.”

 It’s strange. Neither of you want to continue talking, to keep delving into dark and murky uncharted territory, between the blurred depths of what’s allowed and what’s forbidden. It scares you. It scares him too. 

 “So… what? You decided to give her up?”

 He should say something about the way of the Jedi, that attachments were forbidden, and that had anyone else known, they would’ve expected him to leave Satine. If it were anyone else asking him this, he would’ve said it, accompanied by a deserved lecture on subtlety and manners.

 But you’re the exception.

 You’d always be his only exception.

 So, instead, Obi-Wan says, “The Duchess, while a remarkable woman, has a very different outlook on life than I do, even back then.”

 There's a stretch of silence that he feels like he needs to fill. “Besides, it gave me the chance to meet people even more remarkable.”

 “Not many people can compare to the Duchess of Mandalore,” You mutter, closing your eyes to block out the sight of him when he gets to his feet.

 “No,” Obi-Wan agrees. “Although the Duchess couldn’t come close to comparing to you.”

 And with that heart-stopping revelation, he leans down and presses a lingering kiss to your forehead.

 “Focus,” Obi-Wan whispers in your ear, and then he’s gone.

 Now you really couldn’t concentrate.

——

 “Breathe,” Obi-Wan had instructed you, sitting beside your fidgety body with his own long-since perfected form.

 It was the second week into your Padawan training, and it had taken Obi-Wan twenty three minutes to get you to sit still. Not including the sixteen minutes it took to get you past the normally three minute walk from library to your room, or the seven minutes it took for you to pad over to him and sit beside him. Not for your lack of trying, Obi-Wan mused, watching you fidget once again.

 Your eyes fly open at his words.

 “If I stop breathing during meditation will I die?”

 Yeah, okay, that one was on him. It takes a lot of control for Obi-Wan not to choke on his overwhelming surprise at your words.

 “Meditation can only occur when you stop speaking, little one,” He hints, keeping his posture straight. Thirty two minutes now, he’s been sitting in this position, not meditating, but focused on your wild little signature.

 “Oh, yeah,” You concede, shifting again and screwing your eyes shut.

 Master Kenobi, the whisper-shout in his head very nearly startles him, and Obi-Wan can’t keep pretending his focus is impeccable. He turns to regard you with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. If I stop breathing during meditation, will I die?

 Again, to your credit, you weren’t exactly… speaking.

 Perhaps that’s why, with a self-indulgent smile, he sends back a quick no.

 Okay, you accept happily, shifting again in your seat. Your early days were so much like Anakin’s. Both of you, filled with a curiosity and outlook on the world that only children could view, and it baffled him to no end that both of you viewed him in exactly the same way.

 You just accepted everything he said without much thought, readily eager to believe that your Master was always right, because what else could he ever be? It was perhaps that specific period of time during both his Padawans’ training that Obi-Wan was the most stressed. The first few years were the years he felt as though he could disappoint you the most, to fail to protect you and teach you and nurture you.

 He didn’t fail. He didn’t even come close. You’d tell him if you could. Anakin would tell him too. But it just wasn’t a conversation Jedis had.

 And…there.

 You’re not meditating. Obi-Wan opens his mouth to say something, but the words die in his throat when he feels you oh so carefully reach out your signature. He follows along at a distance, careful not to alert you, and he watches as your signature gingerly approaches the plant situated outside your apartment door.

 The plant. You were connecting with the plant.

 You’re calm, he realises. Nearly ridiculously so, if he didn’t know any better he’d think your signature was that of a fully trained knight. The spurts and bursts and branches that were usually your energy flutter gently down, acting obedient and serene.

 It’s… for lack of a better word, beautiful.

 So with your thoughts centered around that little plant outside, all Obi-Wan has to do is give you just a little nudge that blocks out all other distractions for you- maybe it’s cheating, but he wants to see what will happen.

 And then you’re meditating.

——

 “It’s the first time I’ve worn a dress!” Swishing the fabrics of the skirt around you, you’re easily entranced by the movement. It’s a pretty dress, courtesy of the Mandalorian court, floaty and airy with barely there off-the shoulder sleeves. It reveals more of you than Jedi robes would ever, but you’re so enraptured with such innocent curiosity that Obi-Wan doesn’t even try to suppress the affectionate smile he gives you.

 “You look lovely,” He responds honestly, pushing himself off the couch and taking slow steps towards you.

 “I feel like a… like a…” You pause, glancing up from your skirts to fix your eyes on him, mind racing.

 “Like a?” Obi-Wan prompts.

 “Like a cloud!” You settle for, twirling around as if to emphasise your floaty feeling.

 “A cloud?” He confirms, voice laced with amusement. He takes your hand, twirling you around once more through your giggles.

 “Yeah.”

 “Well, you’re the prettiest cloud I’ve ever seen,” Folding his hand over your own, he steps into your space mid-twirl, his other hand coming to press flat against your back. He doesn’t know what propelled him to do this, to press you against him and pull you into little steps around the room. The giggles he gets from you are enough to diminish any second thoughts he gets, so he hums softly, pressing his cheek to the top of your head.

 Your little impromptu dance session is made to end as quickly as it started, a knock on his door reminding the both of you the reason for such fanciful dressing.

 A dinner.

 It was exciting to you, as most off-world mission events were, so different from the usual routine of your life on Coruscant. Your excitement is blindingly obvious, and yet Obi-Wan, who’s long since tired of having to accept invitations lest the Jedi be perceived as discourteous, Obi-Wan says nothing at all. He gives you a warm smile and gestures for you to move towards the door.

 And oh, what a dinner it was. The food was marvelous, the company a little less so, but the moments you’d glance up at your Master to find him already watching you made up for it. If only he weren’t seated so far away… and so close to the Duchess. You don’t turn your head in their direction again.

 Apparently a royal dinner on Mandalore was not just dinner, so after an hour of sitting at a table several seats away from your Master and surrounded by boring politicians, you’re ushered into a ballroom. Several ask for your hand to dance, but you turn them down with a polite smile and even politer excuse. You want to dance, you do. Just… not with them.

 Then you see her.

 She had changed her dress, and she was gorgeous. Elegant and beautiful and carrying herself with such grace even on the dancefloor, she looked every bit the Duchess she was. You sort of hated her.

 “The prettiest, huh?” You mutter bitterly under your breath, taking a moment to try to calm yourself. You take another breath when you turn to face Obi-Wan, expecting his eyes to be on her. Everyone’s eyes were on her.

 He’s looking at you.

 You immediately curse yourself out for the snide comment, hating that you’ve revealed yourself, your insecurities, that he’s going to admonish you for a silly little comment that just slipped out.

 Instead, he holds his hand out towards you, and bends down a little in a bow.

 “If I may have this dance, my dear?” The words come out as a low murmur, and even with the loud applause of everyone around you signalling the end of the Duchess’ dance, you hear him perfectly. Your cheeks are flushed and you’re trying impossibly hard to keep your breathing even as you slide your hand into his, letting him lead you to the middle of the dance floor.

 It’s strange, you think.

 The two of you have been in arguably far closer quarters than you were in now, with a decent amount of space between your bodies, joined only by your hand in his and his other hand on your waist. You’ve trained together, sparred together, been forced into close confines in the middle of missions and on occasion even slept in the same bed together.

 Obi-Wan’s grip on your hand tightens, the tips of his fingers skimming up your back and brushing tantalisingly against the skin that’s uncovered by the dress.

 No, this… this, in front of a whole room of people from all over the galaxy, this was far more intimate than anything ever before. It’s almost as if you’ve been transported back in time just a couple of hours ago, when it was just him and you in the privacy of your quarters.

 “The prettiest,” he confirms, voice low in your ear. Your breath hitches at his statement and all its implications. “It’s not even a competition.”

 Good things, as all things do, must eventually come to an end. Obi-Wan guides a slightly tipsy and very giggly you back towards your room, laughing despite himself when you trip over your own two feet. The last thing he wants after a successful mission is for you to get concussed by falling.

 He bends and effortlessly sweeps you into your arms, letting you swing your legs in the air. It’s not the first time he’s been in this position with you. Perhaps he’s carried you like this a little too often. His thoughts don’t linger on that topic for long.

 You change out of your dress and sit cross-legged in front of him, letting him brush out your hair and pull it back into a braid for you to sleep in, actions so practised that they’re not even spoken about.

 And on the floor of your room, discarded almost carelessly at the end of the bed, lay two weapons beside each other, one green, and one blue.

-----

The next one will be Obi-Wan’s revelation ;)

-----

Obi-Wan taglist:

@allinmymind @ginger-swag-rapunzel @mugoi-usagi @babymango-writes @fluffyhales @whinsical-ash @filthy-thots @altarsw @mando831 @ruleroftides @soft-and-lush @softlikefairydust @bumblegadget @stafskislava @torihester @shedobeclownin @satikryze @buwnni @mando-amando @mrskenobi19 @butch-medusae @fandomtrxshh @a-c-lee @neji85 @reejero @silverpuppi @thereluctantherosrose @shinybananapastanickel @hey-there-angels @grumpymuffinmama @hufflingpuffling-blog1 @kyle9no @qt-ane @arsowon @aesthelliec @lovelyweepingrebel @marvelranger @lovelylostminds 

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

A weekend in Quantico | Stiles Stilinski x Reader

Summary: You surprise Stiles and visit him in Quantico

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x Reader

Word count: 1.3k

-

After graduation, Stiles got accepted at the FBI National Academy - as he should. You were very proud of him and both happily cried together when he received his acceptance letter. He was finally going to put his investigating talents and heightened intelligence to good use.

It also meant being apart.

The first week was alright. You missed each other, but made sure to call every night.

The second week, Stiles started his program and fell asleep on the phone. He was tired from his new schedule and you couldn't blame him.

The fourth week, you started your senior year. It was lonely without Stiles. Thankfully, you had friends to sit with at lunch, but they kept talking about how cool it must be to have a boyfriend who was in college. Sadly, dating a college boy was one of those things that's only cool outside of the picture. When you're the one in the long-distance relationship, things are much less cool.

The sixth week, Stiles was calling you two times a week and you started showing up to school wearing one of his flannel button ups. It was soft and smelled like him.

The eleventh week, he told you he wouldn't make it to Thanksgiving because the buses were expensive and he had a lot of work on his hands and studying to do too. You were really bummed out by the change of plan, but understood that college came first. That night, you cried.

The twelfth week, a traitor, who you assumed was Scott, told Stiles how you really were doing - which wasn't too well - and a package showed up at your door coming from Quantico. You opened the box with a curious eyebrow and found one of Stiles' hoodies and a short but cute hand-written letter.

I'll be home for Christmas, the letter promised. Christmas was in six weeks. There was no way you would last six more weeks without seeing your boyfriend.

It was late afternoon when you arrived in Quantico. The crisp wind was filling through your jacket, causing goosebumps to raise on your arms. You should have worn something warmer. Perhaps a hat too? But it was too late for that.

Your bag was slung over your shoulder as you crossed the street and followed the indications on your phone that would lead you to the campus.

After getting lost three times, you finally made it to the building where Stiles had his last lesson of the day. You didn't dare go too close to the classrooms, scared someone would ask for your access card and kick you out.

Stiles saw you before you saw him. He was turning a corner, walking down the hallway to take the stairs and stopped in his tracks when he saw you, startled. ''What the hell.'' At first, he thought his vision was playing him tricks, but you looked back at him, confirming that he wasn't hallucinating.

You grinned, finally seeing him after weeks of being apart. ''Missed me?''

Instead of replying, Stiles closed the distance between you and him to pull you in an embrace, snaking his arms behind your shoulders as yours wrapped around him tightly. You felt him exhale in your hold, his face finding home in your neck and shoulder.

There was no better feeling than holding the one you love.

The hug was longer than it should have, being in the middle of a hallway, but neither of you cared that students were passing by.

''What are you doing here? Not that I'm not happy you're here, because I'm fucking ecstatic that you're here.'' Stiles smiled down at you, brushing your cheek with his thumb as if to check if you were really there. ''It's just that I suspected my dad would be visiting this weekend. Not you.''

Noah had called Stiles last night to check on him and casually ask about his weekend plans. Clearly, he had failed at not evoking suspicions from his son.

Stiles re-adjusted his book bag on his shoulder and you looked at him up and down, taking in his dress pants, white button up and tie. It was the mandatory dress code for the FBI Academy and, honestly, it wasn't unpleasant for the eyes. You weren't into men in uniforms, but he looked hot.

You glided your fingers along the hem of his tie. ''You are looking mighty fine, Agent Stilinski.''

''I'm not an agent yet. I'm just an intern,'' Stiles reminded you. ''But, I'll take the compliment.''

.

The two of you walked to his dorm, which he shared with someone named Vincent - who was currently at the library.

The bed on the left was made in a very Stiles fashion. The comforter was neatly pulled with his pillow on top, hiding the wrinkled sheets underneath. His desk was a complete mess. There were piles of textbooks and miscandelious papers and pens everywhere. You couldn't even see the wood of the desk.

Stiles dropped his bag on the floor, tired of carrying it all day. ''I'd love to give you a tour of the campus, but I have a lot of reading to do and I need to solve this new mock case for Monday. If you had given me a heads-up that you'd be visiting this weekend, I would've cleared my schedule a bit.'' His face was conflicted.

''If I told you, it wouldn't have been a surprise.''

''I know... But I don't want to confine you to my dorm all weekend because I have work to do.''

You had travelled all the way to Quantico and he felt bad for not making the weekend interesting, knowing how expensive plane tickets were.

''I don't care what we do. I just want to spend time with you.'' You snaked your arms behind Stiles' neck, your fingers brushing the bottom of his hair, and brought him down for a kiss. ''And, we can always kiss during study breaks.''

''Of course we will,'' Stiles said, refusing to break tradition.

Although you weren't in the same grade, you and Stiles would study together a lot. You'd go to his house after school and he would help you with maths - because maths is hard and he aced his exams last year. And, most importantly, you'd take study breaks - aka kissing breaks. They would sometimes last longer than intended, but neither of you complained.

''You know what? Let's go out for a pizza,'' Stiles suddenly decided, changing his mind about staying in. ''There's this Italian place just outside the campus that makes the most delicious pizza. Dad and I ate lunch there when he dropped me off.''

Getting pizza with Stiles was a classic activity. You went almost every Thursday since you started dating. Sometimes, Stiles' dad would even join in - if he didn't have too much work at the station.

''Are you sure?'' you asked.

Stiles nodded. ''Well, we gotta eat and I'm tired of the healthy food they have here. I want pizza.''

You sat on his bed, waiting as he changed out of his school uniform. As hot as he looked in his fancy clothes, you liked the familiarity of Stiles' flannels and hoodies.

He unclasped the tie from his shirt, shocking you. You gasped. ''It was fake?!''

Stiles scratched the back of his neck. ''Eh, yeah... I used to wear a real tie, but I'd feel stressed or anxious, the tight feeling around my neck was making the situation worse. But, don't tell anyone.''

Although there was nothing to be embarrassed about, you could tell by his voice that he was embarrassed. You were actually proud of him for finding a solution instead of being frustrated for the way his brain worked. Stiles had gone a long way with his anxiety. He no longer let it control him or stop him from living.

''Your secret is safe with me, babe,'' you promised.

[milkteahood]

Okay, here’s my request or more of an idea. Detective Reader have been looking into the cases of unsolved missing children with the latest one stumping her. She is inevitably lead to a village in Romania. She is quickly attacked and dragged to Heisenberg factory. After coming to and hearing her captor name, she smiles and shouts, “You’re the kid I’ve been looking for!” She shows him pictures of him with his family as a kid. And, the picture of what people have guessed what he would looked like years later. All the missing posters and the unsolved murder of his parents. She’s happy and excited to have solved the case and find him, it actually takes her almost 6 minutes later to realize implications of how this kid missing in 1920’s can still be alive in 2021.

“Yes, I have decided to look into some cold cases. There are a lot of them and honestly I am just really bored on this holiday” Y/N spoke on the phone.

“You work non stop. Shouldn’t you at least take a break? Plus, what do you even expect to find in those archives?” the voice on the other end replied.

“Well, I literally have nothing else better to do. I like my job, this is something I want to do” Y/N said.

“Ugh fine. Have it your way”. The conversation quickly drifted to something else before Y/N finally ended the call.

And that’s how Y/N found herself in a back room full of archives and cases that went cold. She went through a lot of files, but none awoke her curiosity, until she stumbled upon one particular case. “Karl Heisenberg, Missing child” it said.

She read through the case and as it turns out, the child was never found. But they didn’t find the body either and there was no lead on the case. It was as if that child just vanished into thin air. This was the first time Y/N saw such a thin case file. There was barely anything in it, some pictures and some declarations. There were also some portraits made by other detectives who tried their luck on the case, resembling how Karl would look like over the ages.

The case dated back to 1952. Y/N was about to put the file back, but something stopped her. She didn’t know what it was that made her not put the file away, but she found herself taking it home. “Well, I definitely won’t solve this, but it will be an interesting read” she thought to herself.

At home she worked on different cases, going over them one by one, until she reached the last case she brought home. "Oh, I almost forgot about you" she said to herself. Shifting on her sofa, Y/N brought the mug to her lips, eyes not leaving her newly started lecture. "I wonder what happened to you, Karl".

The night was setting outside, yet Y/N was still reading and re reading the same case. Declarations from the parents about how their baby was kidnapped and witnesses saying they saw him with a woman. All of them described the woman in a strange way. Normally, she would've thought them to be crazy, but after everyone talked about the woman growing wings and vanishing with the child, she wasn't so sure what to believe anymore. Obviously people don't just grow wings. The entire file sounded like a poorly written fantasy story. Something from a book that was never edited and published. It did not sound like police statements at all.

She sighed and put the file down. "Goodness Karl, what on earth happened to you?" she paused "wait, what if.."

Y/N stumbled across her apartment while reaching for her laptop. Upon opening it, she began searching legends about women with wings, anything that could give her a lead on the case, but of course, she found nothing.

It took a long time of research until she realized, if she ever wanted to know what happened to this child, she would have to go to the last place he was seen. To this day Y/N has no idea what exactly pushed her into solving this case. She knew the child was dead. But maybe she truly wanted to know who or what the woman described in the declarations was.

How she ended from her comfortable bed to a village in the Romanian Mountains beats her. Although it was only middle of autumn, there was already snow in the village and the air was cold, so cold it hurt. The people living there were welcoming, but still very wary of her. She didn’t know what exactly she expected to find. She didn’t even know why she came all the way there. Even if that child was brought here, there is no way any of these people would know.

She kept walking the streets, ready to give up and just head back home, until she heard a familiar name. When she turned around, Y/N could hear two women talking.

“I heard Lord Heisenberg will come in the village today” one of them said.

“Shhh! Someone might hear you! We’re not supposed to talk about the lords like that” the other hushed her.

“Excuse me!” Y/N said before she even processed she was talking “who is this Heisenberg?”

Both women went pale and proceeded to turn around and walk away.

“We have no idea what you’re talking about”

“Please leave us alone”

It was common knowledge not to talk about to lords. Don’t look at them, don’t talk to them, don’t talk about them. They are to be treated with utmost respect. Although for Y/N, these unspoken rules were nonexistent. She had no idea she was not supposed to ask about Heisenberg’s whereabouts.

Little did she know this curiosity of hers was going to be the reason she is dragged across the forest and to a factory by a pack of monsters. Her screams and kicks did nothing and just as she thought that was the end of her, they dropped her on the cold floors of the factory and retreated.

“My my, aren’t you a curious one” a man’s voice could be heard.

Y/N tried to stand up and compose herself “I’m assuming you are Heisenberg?”

“Karl Heisenberg, a pleasure to meet you” he greeted.

“They named you after the kid” Y/N said, but more to herself.

“What child?” Karl’s eyebrows furrowed at her.

“The kid that was kidnapped and brought here ages ago, I suppose I had to right lead after all”.

Karl froze at that. She was talking about him, but of course she didn’t know that. Normally, he should be dead or really really old.

“How did you find this place?” he asked, intrigued.

“Oh, it was super difficult, and it’s a long story, so do you have time?”

“I have all the time in the world, so how about you take a sit and tell me more about this child”.

As Karl finally approached enough for Y/N to see him, she let out a gasp.

“What is it?” Karl asked, raising his eyebrows.

“You look exactly like the portraits!”

His eyebrows furrowed again as Y/N searched her bag for the case file.

“Look” she handed it to him.

The more Karl looked through the case file, the wider his eyes became. There were pictures of him as a child, of him and his family. People really did try looking for him and after all this time, someone did find him.

After giving it some thought about whether or not he should tell her the truth, he decided she could be helpful. After all, she found him when no one else could.

“The child you are looking for” he paused “it’s me”.

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at that “ok ok, good one”.

“You just got dragged here by a pack of lycans” he said “one of them is a giant. So me being the child you are looking for isn’t the strangest thing, is it now?”

Y/N stopped laughing at that and looked at him, eyes widening in realization.

“I know you have a lot of questions, but so do I, so come on now, we have to talk” Karl said and began to walk away. Y/N followed close behind. This was surely going to be an interesting night.