#thinking about learning and understanding and still developing opinions about experienced and evidence

[transwrongs]

There’s so much power in empathy. There’s so much power in recognizing truth and learning from it. There’s so much power in knowing. There’s so much power in recognizing nature and adapting to it.

[alasanlain]

I finished college, here's what I learnt.

June, this year, was the final month of college for me. It took me five and a half years to finish the entire curriculum, and during those times I did learn a lot.

No, this won't be a snarky thing where I'll say: nothing valuable was learnt at all during college! Because despite the overwhelming urge of saying that, I think being dismissive of all the good things college has taught me is dishonesty.

For my first year, I thought going into college was a mistake. Everything felt really out of place for me. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone, and that everyone is out for themselves.

I was right, of course, everyone did have their own goals, they are out for themselves. This is because I am no longer bound in the "high school" environment, where the goals were set by the teachers: essentially a higher power. Because of that, I feel lost.

One thing I really held on to from my first year is the allegory of the sea. My senior told me that being in college is like jumping on a large body of water, or the sea. Whether you decide to back out, keep swimming, or stay and drown, you're wet anyhow. Might as well.

That phrase, "might as well", is etched in my heart all the way until graduation.

What I like about the allegory is that it tactfully, and unknowingly, also describe how I felt at that time: lost, not knowing what to do, and facing a huge new reality. That was until third semester rolls in. I think, because of how new I was to the experience, I expected something different. But because the curriculum for new students in my college is very similar to high school, I also have a lingering harmful nostalgia to my days in school.

I remember talking to my parents about college. I said to them that nobody in there (my campus) is worth my time. My seniors only speak in jargons, and my classmates are not friendly at all.

So, first years taught me about despair. It's something I have never truly experienced before. Thankfully, I grit my teeth and told myself that this too, shall pass. That everything is going to be okay tomorrow, and that everyone will wake up the same way.

Truthfully, I would love to return back as a freshman. Experiencing that despair again, one that made me appreciate how melancholic some things can be. I wouldn't change a thing, cringy and all. The things I did during my freshmen years were the building blocks of who I am today.

Once the third semester rolls around, we started to develop our own interests in the specifics. We take the same classes, but it is evident that our pathways are going to separate one day. This is actually a good thing, because now for the first time I actually felt like a college student.

Things were sailing smoothly for now. I learnt little things like scientific writing, organizations, and further time management. My decision of joining an organization was a good one in my opinion. It led me to understand my friends and my seniors more. They are humans after all, not some mythical creature I imagined them to be.

Complex as they are, the more I hang out with them the more I appreciate their existence. I no longer view them as tropes or characters. I think of them as human beings. Flawed, personal, subjective, and beautiful human beings.

We will now move on further to the future, passing through the fourth and fifth semester. Honestly, because there weren't any significant events happening in those two semesters, I feel like I don't need to mention them. I was comfortable, something must happen to shake things up.

Something did happen.

I don't think anything can top the slow burn of the COVID-19 pandemic. It starts slowly, news from all the way over in China, people celebrating the "two-weeks" off campus, making plans with friends on how to spend those off period. But then it hits us all.

Two weeks turns into a month, and a month turns into a semester. I still remember the literal final days of me going to a physical college class as a bachelor. It was a Monday; we were studying Plant Genetics.

The professor ended the lecture by saying his plans of teaching us something later at 13:00 or the practical period of the course, but then after we all went downstairs, he called me. He told me that the dean passed an internal note to cease offline classes for the day and that the morning class we just had is the last class, effective immediately.

I passed this message to my friends, and we were a bit ecstatic. Especially those who are known to skip classes, they were over the moon. Seems like at the time we all view the pandemic as something trivial, something that may be large but will pass as soon as it comes.

Have you ever felt like you're in a loop? Like a dream you're in where, as soon as you wake up, you manage to find yourself in another dream. The desperation you feel at that moment and the want to escape the loop. Imagine that for an entire year.

During the pandemic, I did attend classes, but I have to admit around half of the times I fell asleep. I remember it was always a hot and humid day, and because of that every time I nod off on a class it turns into a full-blown nap.

At first it wasn't a habit, but habits form out of convenience. If an action is done repeatedly enough with no breaks from the inertia, it will become a habit. My habit was sleeping in the morning.

I won't get into a weird tangent where I would condemn morning sleep and what not. But if the previous wish were to be granted, and I were to relive the pandemic again, I would definitely avoid this habit.

See, because sleeping in the morning really makes you feel groggy afterwards. You essentially feel like you're missing out on something, but you have no idea what. This is worse because since it's the pandemic, there really is nothing to do.

All of this culminated in me doing absolutely nothing for an entire year.

At the time I chalked it up to depression. A direct result of confusion and a whole new environment. But doing so for an entire year broke me. Add to that my friends are graduating one by one.

I am not one to hold anything against my friends. I am not envious of them. However, I do feel like it is unfair. Like the sea allegory before, seems like they found their islands earlier than me.

It's possible, maybe, that they have a bit of help here and there. A raft to go with, a ship sailing around them, anything to reach the other side. For me, I felt alone.

Loneliness is powerful. Because humans are social creatures by design, and your brain could be imbalanced enough to feel loneliness and experience it without the knowledge of why. This is what happens to me for two years.

The final stretch of my college life is filled with that feeling. Loneliness. I feel like a pariah because my parents kept asking me about my grades and how I'm doing. This is until I decided to just say fuck it. Might as well.

I tried to sort things up, do my thesis, and everything I needed to do in order to actually finish college. Then it happened. Like wisps of air, breezing like nothing at all.

I graduated.

It wasn't a fanfare; it wasn't much of a celebration. All I did was attend graduation ceremonies and go home. I did take pictures with my family, so that's something. We rarely do that.

Maybe it is special, in its own way. Maybe I feel like it's a breeze because I haven't had time to really let it sink in yet. Maybe it really is nothing at all.

But to be honest, five and a half years is a long time. In that stretch of time, I did a lot of things. Many of them still haven't had their proper "end" yet.

This post is meant to be an effigy I burn to let my college go. The despair I felt in the start, the happiness of the middle, and all the blur of the end. I have finished my bachelor's degree, and I may be allowed to feel a bit more relaxed than before.

Wish You Were Here, Eosolpeun.

[makeste]

“...and I bullied him.”

hello, hello, good afternoon or evening or whatever time it is. so by now we’ve all had some time to bask in those “Kacchan admitted he cares about Deku” feels (well, technically they were “All Might pointed out that Kacchan was worried about Deku and Kacchan didn’t deny it” feels, BUT THOSE MIGHT AS WELL BE THE SAME FEELS, YOU KNOW). and it’s been lovely. I’ve been having a time. it’s been nice.

but now I would like to talk a bit more about a part of this chapter which I think was even more important.

for me, this was the line of the chapter. this one panel may honestly be the biggest piece of Kacchan character development since all the way back in chapter 120. “I ended up bullying him.” okay but guys?? can we just talk?? about how absolutely extraordinary this one sentence is.

it’s self-aware.

introspection? from a kid who’s had to be dragged kicking and screaming to every character development milestone he’s ever experienced in his life? and on an emotional level that actually goes deeper, and doesn’t just stop at the surface-level anger that’s so often his instinctive reaction to everything? who are you and what have you done with Bakugou Katsuki lol.

but seriously, the level of self-analysis here almost stunned me, guys. not only does he demonstrate a very impressive level of insight into Deku (something I especially love because it mirrors the many analyses Deku has made of him, and shows that the understanding between them is actually mutual), but he also shows an unprecedented degree of insight into himself. like, historically speaking, Bakugou and Feelings have not always exactly been on the same page, you know? so for him to suddenly get so thoughtful now, and sincerely try to analyze these feelings which up until now he’s always ignored and avoided dealing with... that is such a huge step. also, bonus points: he recognizes it as a problem within himself, and doesn’t try to pin the blame on Deku in any way. he recognizes that he’s the one who reacted badly to Deku’s behavior. to be able to examine your own feelings like that and arrive at a conclusion that acknowledges that you’re not the good guy in this, that you’re the one who made the mistake -- that takes a level of accountability that not everyone possesses.

it’s self-prompted.

okay this one is a big deal honestly. no one put a gun to Katsuki’s head here and forced him to confess this. all All Might said was “you’re worried about him too” and that somehow prompted a level of emotional honesty that Katsuki has never before shown. now, based on the fact that the successors’ notebook is still fresh in Katsuki’s mind, and that All Might mentioned earlier that Aizawa couldn’t help because he was “busy at the moment”, this conversation likely took place shortly after the kids returned from their New Year’s break. meaning that this was basically right after the Endeavor internship arc, when thoughts about seeking atonement were still fresh on Katsuki’s mind. so this isn’t entirely out of the blue; it shows that Katsuki did, in fact, learn exactly what All Might was hoping he would learn from Endeavor.

but it’s one thing for this to be on his mind, and another thing entirely for him to actually confess it out loud. and I absolutely will give him full credit for that. he admits, without anyone forcing him to, that he bullied Deku. there’s no incentive for him to do this whatsoever. Deku isn’t there to hear it. he’s not admitting it for the purposes of seeking forgiveness. he’s simply just being honest, and owning up to what he did because he realizes it was wrong. and that takes a lot of inner strength, to do that. to not shy away from it and keep pretending like it never happened. this is a huge first step for him.

it’s a confession that leaves him emotionally vulnerable.

this is another big one. it’s not always evident because he makes a big effort to downplay it, but Katsuki looks up to All Might every bit as much as Deku does. he seeks his approval, he wants All Might to be proud of him, even though he very often puts on a big show of not caring about it at all. it means a lot to him. a lot.

and Katsuki knows how much All Might cares about Deku. and sure, All Might is already perfectly aware that Katsuki and Deku aren’t exactly on the best of terms, and he’s always been understanding about it; always gently compassionate and attempting to smooth things out between them without being judgmental.

but All Might also doesn’t know everything about the two of them. and even with Kacchan and Deku’s relationship never exactly being on the most rock solid of terms at U.A., there’s still a vast difference between the way they interact there, and the way that they interacted back in middle school. when Katsuki was not only hostile, but occasionally downright cruel. and when Deku was still quirkless, and very much not on equal footing with Kacchan in terms of power, and yet Kacchan bullied him anyway.

what Katsuki is confessing here puts him at risk of rejection from one of the people whose opinion of him matters the most. he’s opening himself up to the possibility that All Might might not, for once, react with his trademark understanding. he’s admitting to All Might, I did something unherolike, and I hurt someone you care about, and I didn’t have a good reason for doing it. All Might, in the moment immediately following this statement, has an incredible amount of power over Katsuki. he has the ability to withdraw his support, to condemn him, to pull away and decide that Katsuki is not someone worthy of becoming a hero after all. he has all the power in the world over Katsuki in this one moment; a rejection from him would be a blow he’d never recover from.

and Katsuki, knowing this, tells him anyway. willingly opens himself up to that possibility of being hurt, of being rejected and shunned by the person who inspired his dream. because the alternative is being dishonest with him. this is, in short, a decision made because he believes All Might deserves to know this, and deserves to hear the truth from him. he wants his approval so badly, but he can’t live with the knowledge that he’s “tricked” him into giving it. so he tells him the truth, ready to face whatever consequences might arise from that. and I think that might be one of the bravest things he’s ever done.

it’s not attempting to shirk responsibility.

this, right here, is why Katsuki is my favorite character. because even though he’s flawed, even though he’s made a lot of mistakes, when he realizes that and is confronted by it, he never tries to hide from them. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: to me, the essence of Katsuki is that he is someone who is always trying to be better. he wants to be a good hero; he wants to be a good person. when people point out to him that he’s done something wrong, he listens. it doesn’t always sink in right away, sure, and sometimes he gets stubborn and it can be hard to hammer that truth in. but once he gets it, he always makes the change. he never tries to make excuses. he owns up to his shit and does his best to course correct.

with this acknowledgement here, that he bullied Deku, there’s no attempt on his part to say that it was Deku’s fault, that Deku shouldn’t have done this or that. he doesn’t blame his parents or his teachers or try to act like he didn’t know any better. he makes no attempt whatsoever to justify it. it’s just simple, honest truth. back then, I ignored my own weakness, so I ended up bullying him. it’s a plea of guilt. no attempt to mitigate it or downplay it. the verb he uses, “ijimeta”, doesn’t water it down.

“to ill-treat; to torment; to be cruel to.” there’s no attempt here to paint this in a flattering light at all. which is good. because in order for him to really atone for it, to really go the distance in his redemption arc which we’re all rooting for him to do, the most important step is for him to take responsibility. he can’t learn from it if he’s trying to hide from it or make excuses for what he did wrong. he has to fully acknowledge his mistakes. and that’s exactly what this is.

it shows remorse.

that’s right y’all. they sent my boy out to do an internship with Endeavor over the holidays, and he came back having learned the true meaning of Christmas. his heart really did grow three sizes. honey badger does care.

there is genuine, sincere remorse for his actions here. he’s sorry for what he did. he regrets what he did. there’s real contrition there. it’s not forced or insincere. again, nobody made him say this! nobody pressured him, nobody led him on. these are his own feelings. I bullied Deku. I shouldn’t have done that to him. I want to atone for it.

I know some people in fandom don’t think this is enough. the same thing happened with Endeavor as well. people aren’t always satisfied with restorative justice; they want retribution. they want punishment for his actions. and that’s a natural feeling; it stems back to that instinct of wanting everything to be fair, which I mentioned in another meta not too long ago.

but the thing is, retributive, punitive justice doesn’t actually help anyone. it doesn’t restore what was lost. Katsuki being punished doesn’t do anything to undo what was done to Deku. it doesn’t do anything to heal the harm that was dealt. it doesn’t do anything to make things better for either of them moving forward.

but do you know what does? restorative justice. making amends. which is exactly what this is building up to now.

it shows an understanding that remorse is not enough, and that in order to move forward he has to take action to be a better person.

Katsuki understands that simply being sorry for what he did is not enough. I suspect that’s one reason why he hasn’t attempted to apologize to Deku yet; because he recognizes that after years of tormenting him for stupid and self-centered reasons, a simple apology might seem meaningless at best and self-serving at worst. it puts pressure on Deku to make a decision to either accept or not accept it. Katsuki saw the Todoroki siblings struggling with a similar conflict not too long ago. and he knows better than anyone else how selfless Deku can be. “deep down, he doesn’t take himself into account, y’know?” and so if Katsuki simply apologizes, Deku might end up offering forgiveness that he doesn’t actually deserve, just because Deku is that kind of person who puts others above himself.

and so rather, what Katsuki has opted to do for now is to put all his efforts into helping Deku. he knows Deku is in a considerable amount of danger. he knows how much Deku has on his plate with the SIXQUIRKS and trying to handle all of that. and he knows there are other potential dangers looming which they don’t even know about yet. he’s been alert and anxious about this -- you saw how quickly his mind leaped to worst-case scenarios about the past OFA users; how he was sure that All Might was hiding something from them, and how agitated and apprehensive he got thinking about what that might be.

“I’m worried for him. you are, too,” All Might said. and Katsuki didn’t deny it. didn’t even try. he is worried about Deku. he’s worried about what he has to face. he’s worried about him getting in over his head and something happening to him. and so the way that he has chosen to try and atone is to help him. with his training, with his quirks; whatever he can do. if he needs to push him he’ll push him. whatever he can do to help make him stronger. and if he needs to protect him, he’ll do that too.

atonement is not the same thing as forgiveness. atonement is about trying to make up for what you did, to try and correct your mistakes however you can. it doesn’t mean you’re pardoned from them. all it means is that you’ve acknowledged them, and are doing your best -- doing whatever you can -- to repair the harm done, and to be a better person going forward. and sometimes there is no way to ever completely make up for it. sometimes you can’t undo the harm, because you can’t go back and change the past. the only thing you can change is the now, and the future.

and so Katsuki is trying to atone. he’s trying to be the friend Deku deserves now, since he wasn’t before. he’s trying his best to make things right, and it all starts with this one sentence. that acknowledgement of what he did, of what can’t be changed. acknowledgement of the mistake, so that he can learn from it, so that it never happens again.

so yeah. BnHA Redemption Arcs strike again. Horikoshi you smooth son of a bitch.

[beepboop358]

Elmax Thoughts

(reposting b/c I found some more images and for some reason I can’t edit the original)

I am convinced neither Max or Eleven are straight. These are my own opinions since none of it is confirmed.

Max = bi

I think Max is bi because even though she and Lucas are always 'on again off again', she seems genuinely interested in him, she's just not willing to deal with his shit LMAO. But there is nooo wayyyy Max is straight. Max just gives off majorly queer vibes. Max is the only other character in the show associated with rainbow imagery/rainbow details, besides Mike and Will, (that isn’t related to the rainbow room in the lab). Not even Robin is associated with rainbows in s3 (probably because of her scoops troop uniform, and that it was decided during filming Robin was a lesbian). Max is seen wearing clothing with rainbow patterns several times in the show. Besides occasionally Will, none of the other characters really have rainbow patterns in their clothes.

Max also has rainbow bed sheets. When El and Max have a sleepover, they both sleep in Max’s bed with the rainbow sheets, which can be seen the next morning when the phone rings. Both El and Max are pictured in shots with the rainbow pattern.

So...Max has rainbow bed sheets. Interesting. Who else in the show also has a rainbow pattern in their bed sheets? MIKE.

Mike is one of the gayest characters of all time

Max = not straight, confirmed.

El = pan

Eleven definitely gives me major pan vibes. It just doesn't make sense to me for El to be straight. She was raised in a lab, away from society, so she has virtually no concept of what society deems right or wrong or acceptable around sexuality. She won't understand labels, or why people would be teased and tormented for liking someone of the same sex/gender as them. She has no reason to think it's weird, or wrong, or to stigmatize it, because she has never been exposed to any of the prejudices of society surrounding lgbtq+ people. El would have no idea why anyone identifying as lgbtq+ would be mistreated, it would not make sense to her. And since she never learned any of societies biases or stigmas, she can easily see through the bullshit of homophobia and debunk it. She has had no opportunities to internalize homophobia since she has never experienced any because she has never been in society before, which will make her extremely open and excepting of her own sexuality and of others. El also has no reason to have a specific gender preference, she can just like whoever she likes!

Eleven probably has a limited knowledge of what sexuality and preference even is. It doesn't make sense for her to have it all figured out at this stage in her life. When Max and El go shopping in s3, Eleven asks Max, "How do I know what I like?" Since we know the stranger things writers and the duffer brothers LOVE to throw in little clues and hidden messages EVERYWHERE in the show, this line obviously references more than just picking out clothes -and it's completely valid. She is still a kid after all, and she's barely had a fraction of the social development and real life experience other kids her age have. When Will is homphobically bullied in his and El's new school in s4, she will not understand what the words they use mean, or why they are even teasing him about it. She won't understand why being gay is considered "bad". While I don't think either Max or El are straight, I don't think a romantic Elmax relationship will ever be canon in the show unfortunately (although I would love if it would!). Unlike Byler, Elmax does not have the same amount of overwhelming evidence that proves they romantically like each other. I do think El and Max love each other and deeply care for each other, but as best friends. Unless we get an overwhelming amount of romantic development between the two in the upcoming seasons, I doubt they will ever be romantically canon. Max helped humanize Eleven, and showed her how to become herself. Eleven and Max were each others first real "bff". Neither of them had a true best friend in the show before they become friends, they just have their boyfriends. I think Max and El bonding was exactly what each of their characters needed: a real best friend that allows them to grow and develop as a person, but also be there to support each other. I'm sure they will miss each other greatly now that they live far away from each other, and are kind of alone again. They clearly mean a lot to each other. Max even gave El her green scrunchie at the end of s3 before El moves away, and Eleven wears it in the final scenes.

<3 Love them both. This is such a cute moment

[aminiatureworld]

Opposites

Characters: Xiao, gn!reader

Word Count: 1,594

Warnings: Swearing

Premise: In which the reader is the brain and Xiao is the brawn

Author’s Note: I wasn’t sure what the general setting should be so I put it in a vaguely college/university setting. Prolly cause that’s around my age and also because I cordially dislike highschool AUs. Hopefully that works out alright!

I had to type out almost 2,000 words on my iphone. I never want to do that again.

Xiao

Honestly none of your friends are actually sure how you two got together.

After all, if someone were to take a picture of you and your partner side-by-side then show it to people not in the know, well the prevailing emotion would be something along the lines of: “Are they classmates or neighbors or something?”

To be fair, when the two of your first met even the idea that you would ever end up in love was something laughable. Having been pushed together for a project, your knee-jerk reaction had been: Oh I’m totally going to end up doing this all by myself.

Thankfully however you’d been quickly proven wrong. Although Xiao hadn’t necessarily been the best about planning and other such things, his work was organized and he always showed up to every meeting with his parts completed.

By the end of the project you never wanted to work with another person on a group project again.

And, to be completely honest, you’d definitely developed a crush on your slightly aloof group partner.

Xiao’s reaction was much harder to read.

At first he appeared to want nothing to do with you. Work was emailed to you with not so much as a subject line; meetups passed in awkward silence broken by tentative questions on your part. You’d sort of assumed that he saw you as annoying and the group work as useless - which to be fair it sort of was useless.

So when he emailed you a few weeks later asking for your number and if you wanted to do something, well, safe to say you almost fell out of your chair.

Though the start was a little awkward, Xiao’s conversational nature didn’t develop much in general, you two fell into a routine of sorts, a relationship of unspoken boundaries and spontaneous confidences.

During the first few weeks of you odd sort of relationship you’d come to the conclusion that, though not a talker, Xiao was ultimately quite apathetic in nature. Eventually however you realized apathetic wasn’t the right term.

Though he might’ve appeared sullen on the outside, Xiao never actually acted in a way that hinted at any resentment or irritation; he never dragged his feet about something or implied it was stupid that you should ask for help or for a favor.

His assertiveness, which might’ve been mistaken for aloofness, was endearing. Xiao never half-asses anything, even when if wasn’t doing something for another person, like you.

You appreciated this side of his personality, the fact that he was quick to act, admired if even. It certainly stood in stark contrast to your tendency to overthink things, something that could quickly end up kneecapping you depending on what decisions were being debated.

It was an alien concept to you, the sort of philosophy Xiao seemed to live by, and its novelty was refreshing.

As your thoughts slid more and more to focusing on Xiao you became more and more aware of the rumors that abounded about him.

He was a troubled youth, he was prone to fighting, he had been so uncontrollable in secondary school that only one teacher had been able to get him to do anything. The only times he spoke was to wound, and he never had a word to say that wasn’t angry.

Well, obviously that wasn’t the truth, but any attempt to clear up the situation was quickly met with odd stares and responses that all smacked of: “Oh you poor idiot, you just haven’t learned yet.”

You would’ve liked to think that you didn’t let it affect your relationship with him, but evidently the rumors had begun to catch up to you.

“Hey, you’ve been avoiding me.”

“Have I?” You shifted awkwardly in your seat. Xiao sighed, evidently aware of where this was going.

“It’s because of what people say about me, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.”

“I see.”

That had been the beginning and the end of the conversation for quite some time, almost as if Xiao had yet to decide whether or not you were one of the few in whom he could entrust the truth. Yet despite the rumors and the odd looks you still found yourself gravitating towards Xiao, and soon enough that initial pull turned into something much deeper.

The day that you two became “official” was the day Xiao told you the truth. He had been a delinquent as a teenager.

Born into a family full of troubles Xiao shouldered the circumstances as best he could.

However things cannot stay untouched forever; the distress that Xiao experienced only grew, the pressure ratcheting up with every incident, every item thrown to the ground, every fight that ended in humiliating pain.

Eventually it became too much, and when it did Xiao took his anger out not on his family, not on the people who had failed him, but on any classmate who antagonized the vulnerable child.

Fights became a regular part of Xiao’s life until university, and it was only in meeting his mentor, Zhongli, that the lost young man had managed to pull his life together.

Things made more sense after that, though one couldn’t say that everything was right with the world. Students, coworkers, the particularly idiotic TA, all of them still carried the sense that Xiao was not to be trusted. You could see how it upset your partner sometimes, when he was ignored at the coffeeshop or excluded from class group chars in the like.

Whenever he did that Xiao tended to retreat into himself, as if worried he might explode again. It took a lot of coaxing to get him out of such situations but it was always worth it to see your partner’s expression soften, to see his small smile once more.

What you didn’t tell him was that you were just as angry as he was, just as resentful at the people within your major which were hellbent on acting like they were still in high school.

Eventually however the trials of your early were utterly forgotten, the questions and the secrets replaced by a sense of slightly hilarious domestic bliss.

You were definitely the brains of the group, something Xiao didn’t seem to mind - though he probably would find that actual statement somewhat silly.

Xiao, on the other hand, held the esteemed position of Person Who Actually Got Stuff Done. You relied on him to get you out of your mental spirals, to pull you out of your room and out of your brain fog and to get you to do something; even if it wasn’t the thing you were thinking about.

In return it was your job to make sure Xiao didn’t get himself killed doing something stupid.

Xiao’s reticence masked an almost supernatural recklessness. Though your partner didn’t own a motorbike, if he had you were completely convinced he’d ride one without a helmet. His almost total disinterest in his own safety was something that you brain shrunk from, and more often than not a crazy plan of his would end with you listing the terrible things that might happen if something were to go wrong, even if those things weren’t always the most realistic.

There was a storm in twenty minutes? It was the perfect time for a walk! There was cavern nearby with tunnels were so tight you had to walk single file? Sure why not!

He would talk about such things as if there was nothing to it, as if it didn’t send your heart rate spiking. There wasn’t the slightest acknowledgment of danger. Even his tone was as gruff as usual, as if it was the most natural thing to want to go mountain climbing, not interesting enough to get even a little excited about.

It was probably good he did martial arts. You didn’t even want to think about where all that energy would go otherwise.

Xiao’s straightforward nature came out in softer ways too, ways that you envied much more than his full-steam-ahead recklessness.

He was never afraid to state what was on his mind. Whether it was correcting a waiter who got his order wrong or telling a rude doormats to fuck off, all these things were natural to him.

To be honest you completely envied that aspect of him, unable go replicate such a mindset in yourself.

When you’d commented on it once Xiao had stared oddly at you. After a moment he told you that he figured it came from his background. Sometimes you had to learn how to say “no” or “that’s wrong” or “you’re a shitty person.”

Just as you tried to curb the most extreme parts of Xiao’s recklessness, so too did Xiao work to bring you out of the spirals your mind went down sometimes, and so did he try to coax you out of the overthinking that kept you from asserting yourself in your life.

Saying you two were complete opposites wouldn’t really be accurate. You shared similar views, similar passions, similar opinions on what mattered. Yet it was true that, in some ways, you complemented one another. And when it came to those traits in which you differed, well you would like to think that your differences just made you stronger as a couple.

Maybe your friends couldn’t understand how you two got together, or why you were so deeply in love with the person you’d chosen to be your partner. But you didn’t care.

You loved Xiao with all your soul, and, at the end of the day, that was all that mattered.

[the-ferocious-kittyrose]

My complicated opinion on Keith Kogane

Keith Kogane is definitely one of the more popular characters in the VLD fandom. People love brooding emo bad boys.

My feelings on Keith are... complicated. I definitely don’t hate him. I have a lot of problems with the character but I don’t think I could ever bring myself to actually hate him. Mainly because I kinda relate to him. We both have problems controlling our emotions, interacting with people, and making friends.

And we both have trouble believing there are people who truly have our best interests at heart and won’t abandon us because we’re a burden.

What I do hate is the way his character was written and the way it negatively impacted the characters around him.

There are definitely a lot of factors that contributed to VLD ending up the way it did. But to me, Keith and the writers insistence on pushing him to the forefront was the poison that killed the show.

Ok, before we get into this whole rant I feel like I should talk about the things I do like about Keith.

I like the premise of Keith’s character. He’s half Galra and never really fit in on Earth. He didn’t act like the other “normal” kids so kids made fun of him and adults didn’t want to deal with him. So in order to protect himself from the pain of rejection he would put up a tough angry facade and push people away and reject them before they could reject him.

This is something that really resonates with me personally having grown up neurodivergent. It’s awful growing up in a world that isn’t made for people like you and not knowing how to interact with or connect with your peers. Especially when you don’t know why you’re like that.

You learn to avoid social interaction because it always ends up negative. You put up walls because you don’t feel like anybody understands you or what you’re going through.

I know the writers probably didn’t intend to code Keith as neurodivergent. They just wanted Keith to be a hothead with abandonment issues, but nonetheless, this interpretation means a lot to me.

I also really like his relationship with Shiro. Keith is so used to being left behind and abandoned that when he meets someone like Shiro who’s patient and genuinely cares it’s new and strange. He’s so ready for Shiro to abandon him, even telling Shiro to send him back to the home, but Shiro refuses to leave him and tells Keith ethat he’s never going to give up on him.

It’s also interesting to see how their relationship develops over time. It’s clear Keith trusts Shiro, but you can tell that that fear of abandonment is still there deep down. In S2, Keith tells Shiro that he’s like a brother to him, and then in season 6, he takes the extra step and tells Shiro that he IS his brother and that he loves him. And for someone like Keith, telling their friend they love them is a big scary thing.

And also it’s just great to see a platonic “I love you,” especially between two guys. Don’t be afraid to tell your bros you love them!!!

Now let’s talk about the stuff I didn’t like.

Keith doesn’t have much going for him in terms of personality. He’s just sorta brooding and serious all the time. He does make jokes occasionally but it’s rare. The writers were more focused on making him cool and badass rather than fun.

I always loved the idea of Keith as a cocky carefree asshole who doesn’t give a shit about rules/laws and is kinda rude/aggressive but has a heart of gold deep down and would do anything for the people he cares about. (Just like a cat.)

I would also make him more alien esc. In terms of design I like the idea of Keith having red eyes with narrow pupils and fangs. And also just small things like the way he walks and holds himself. He growls and bears his teeth when he’s angry, his hair puffs up when scared, he’s fast and agile, disappearing and reappearing without making much noise, small things.

Then you have his race and sexuality. I have no doubt in my mind that Keith was intended to be a straight white dude. A lot of people see him as gay and Asian but there’s no evidence for this in canon. Acxa was originally intended to be his love interest and his race was never mentioned in canon. His name isn’t even Kogane in canon. (And the race of the voice actor doesn’t equal the race of the character. If that was the case Shiro, Hunk, and Lance would be white.)

They should’ve totally made Keith Japanese like he was in the original. It would’ve been so easy! Just canonize Kogane as his last name and have the book say he’s half Japanese half Galra. They could’ve also done what they did with Shiro and keep his og GoLion name. Just have him be Akira Kogane. Definitely cooler than “Keith.”

And as for his sexuality, I definitely think they should’ve had Keith be gay. But well get to that Later...

I also don’t like how they handled the whole Krolia thing. Not only was it crazy rushed, but it completely goes against the shows theme of found family.

Keith’s arc should’ve been about overcoming his abandonment issues and learning to accept the paladins as family. But instead they just get rid of the abandonment issues by just giving him his mom back.

I know a lot of people love Krolia but I don’t feel like she should’ve been introduced in anything other than flashbacks. Because Keith’s mom isn’t really that important. The show is about found family and friendship, not blood relation.

You can definitely have Keith learn about his mom and his family, but I feel like giving him his mom back was too much.

Personally, I always headcanoned that Kolivan was Keith’s grandfather or just a close friend of Krolia’s, and when Keith showed up at the Blade’s base Kolivan recognized the blade as his Krolia’s. Keith could learn about his mom through Kolivan telling him about her, how she was a great person and warrior who died fighting to make the universe a safer place for her son.

Another thing I didn’t like was the whole Keith leaving the team for the Blades thing. I know why he did it, he felt like the team was gonna reject him, he wanted to be more useful, and wanted to learn about his family, but I feel like you could’ve touched on all that without having him abandon his team.

One of the biggest problems with the show is that they did a bad job at establishing the paladins as friends, they feel like coworkers more than anything, and I feel like Keith being absent for two seasons contributed to that.

And his absence is hardly addressed. The team forms Voltron perfectly without him and no one ever says they miss him. Keith doesn’t even seem like he missed them after being gone for two years.

And a lot of the weight was taken out of that Keith v Kuron fight by the fact that Keith and Kuron hardly interacted.

That whole thing amounted to four things, Keith meeting Krolia (which I don’t think should’ve happened), them finding the colony (which was a dumb plot I don’t think should’ve happened), Keith aging up two years (which was weird and unnecessary), and Keith meeting Kosmo (which is... complicated).

I don’t think this plot was necessary. Keith should’ve stayed with his team.

Then you have his relationship with Lance. I know people are very sensitive about this topic. People have very strong opinions about whether or not Keith and Lance were intended to be romantically coded.

Personally, I do like Klance but I don’t believe they were romantically coded. I think if you want them to get together some things would have to go differently.

For example, the bonding moment. In canon, Lance tells Keith, “we make a good team.” I don’t see this as referring to him and Keith. I think he was talking about the whole team. If you want it to be about the two of them, I feel like it should be Lance telling Keith something like, “ya know, you’re not so bad after all,” and then Keith smiles and responds, “you’re not so bad yourself.”

Another example could be the scene where Lance comes to Keith with his insecurities. (Whether it’s as a leader or a friend.) This scene was weird in canon, Lance comes to Keith for advice and Keith basically tells him to just stop thinking about it.

I would prefer if Lance brought up to Keith how he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough or that he doesn’t have, “a thing,” and Keith is completely dumbfounded like, “what are you even talking about?” He goes on about all the good shit about Lance. Talks about how Blue chose him, how he’s a great shot, how he’s good at dealing with people, meanwhile Lance is standing there in shock as Keith says all these nice things about him.

Over all you would just have to develop their relationship more. More meaningful interactions. And if you want the relationship to be romantic you would have to establish that early on. Establish that one or both has romantic feelings for the other in like S1/S2 because if you wait too long it’s gonna feel forced/out of no where.

And then... you have the Black Paladin arc... I’m gonna be real with y’all, this is the arc that killed the show for me, for a few reasons.

One, even ignoring the whole quintessence bond thing, it makes no sense for Keith to be the bp. He doesn’t fit the role. I adore Shiro but choosing Keith as his successor was a dumb move. I get that he saw potential in Keith but they’re are fighting a war, there’s no room for favoritism.

Shiro should’ve chosen Allura as his successor. Not only does she have actual leadership experience, but you would only have one paladin in a new Lion instead of three.

If a lifeguard breaks his leg and can’t work, he should choose an experienced swimmers to take his place, not his little bro that’s still in water wings in the hopes that it’ll teach him to swim.

Two, Keith being the bp doesn’t help his arc. Keith’s arc is about overcoming his abandonment issues and learning to be a team player, he doesn’t need to be the leader for that.

VLD should’ve been about the paladins growing into the best versions of themselves they could be. Their development shown by unlocking new abilities in their respective lions, new forms for their bayards, and new Voltron bayard power ups. They shouldn’t have to change lions and themselves.

Keith and Red have a strong bond and work great together. Keith and Red are both temperamental, unpredictable, and have issues with trust. Keith having to fight to get Red to trust and open up to him mirrors how others have to fight to earn Keith’s trust and get him to let down his walls.

It would’ve been interesting to see them grow together. Keith has no emotional connection with Black.

We never even get to see them bond. Keith just suddenly becomes the “perfect” bp/leader because he got over his mommy issues

Three, it’s a MASSIVE disservice to Shiro’s character. Shiro put all the work in earning his position as the bp, he literally fits fought Zarkon on the astral plane to earn her trust, yet Keith is the true bp? What?

It sucks. Sendak told Shiro that a monster like him could never be a paladin and the writers went and proved him right. Hell Shiro didn’t even get to kill Sendak, Keith got that too.

And don’t tell me, “but he got the Atlas!” REALLY!? A massive Deus ex machina that required absolutely no effort from him to acquire!? Filled with a bunch of rando background characters no one gives a shit about!? You’re totally right, that 100% makes up for it.

I could go on and on about how the treatment of Shiro in this show (and fandom) is blatantly ableist but that’s a rant for another time.

It sucks. I want to like Keith! He had the potential to be an amazing character but the writers just kept on trying to turn him into something he wasn’t and it ruined him for me.

They kept trying to turn Keith into the main character and ignored that ALL the paladins are the main characters. It’s an ensemble cast! You don’t have to have everything come back to one guy.

[kotokoharrow]

Case Study 001: Haruka Sakurai

Note that this analysis is based around my own views. I do not present my way of interpreting Haruka as fact, and I am sharing this to see if others agree with me. If you disagree, you are more than welcome to say so and we can discuss it!

Content Warning: This analysis contains discussion of: Animal abuse and death, child abuse and death, emotional abuse, child neglect, murder, flashbacks and nightmares. Please proceed with caution if you are sensitive to any of these topics!

Evidence List:

Haruka’s Profile

Haruka’s Voice Drama

Undercover

Weakness

Two Breaths Walking

Voice Line

Timeline Convo

Character Analysis

A young male prisoner, quiet with downcast eyes. During Es’ early interrogations, he offered only a few constrained words in response. However, he has gradually become more talkative, forming an emotional bond over the course of his interviews. Once one begins to converse with him, his gentle pre-disposition is revealed.

He has a meek temperament and, even in Milgram, does not appear to be dissatisfied. Barely manages to communicate with Es and the other prisoners. However, during conversations, as if some meaning is lost along the way, there is a disconnect.

Haruka is a teenager with a very low opinion of himself, shown in his attitude in his voice drama and the lyrics of his song. When he appears in Undercover, he is shown wringing his hands together, avoiding looking at the camera, and when he finally does shows an unhappy expression. These pieces of his body language show that he is an anxious boy.

Haruka doesn’t appear to be very bright, with his song being written in hiragana, and he struggles to follow along with everything that Es says to him in his voice drama. He even says himself that he isn’t very bright. However, this is likely a result of his mother’s treatment of him, as he hasn’t been allowed to develop as he should have.

The shot in Undercover that shows his room shows young children’s toys on the floor. This, along with his speech patterns, show that he remains in a child’s mindset, despite being 17 years old. I believe that this is due to him becoming ‘stuck’ at an age where he experienced a traumatic event as a child - the event that revolved around fireworks and the girl in his MV.

Haruka’s primary motivation is love. He was neglected and emotionally abused by his mother his whole life, and so has been deprived of the love that most people receive from their parents. Despite love being his motivation, he shows in his interrogation questions that he doesn’t really understand what it is - he just knows that he wants it.

While his primary motivation is love, Haruka’s primary fear is abandonment. He is also afraid of being deceived, which again ties into his fear of abandonment. Haruka believes that everyone will leave him when they learn what he has done, and also believes that he will bring misfortune to others. This belief of bringing misfortune to others is likely a belief that his mother gave to him.

Haruka avoids situations and things that remind him of his trauma, such as animals and small children. This, as well as imagery in his MV, his mother’s treatment of him and his general personality, lead me to believe that he experiences PTSD.

The kanji in his given name means ‘far’ or ‘distant’, which likely references his personality, and the fact that he finds it difficult to get close to and communicate with others, due to having been deprived of connections for most of his life.

MV Analysis

I believe that Weakness takes place after Haruka has committed his crimes, and that it’s showing events from his past in the form of nightmares and flashbacks, which is why they appear distorted and there is heavy symbolism. As a result of this, even what we see in the MV is ambiguous as to whether it really happened, as dreams are not always literal and even with flashback-type nightmares, key facts can appear different to what happened in reality.

At the beginning of the MV, we see Haruka sitting in front of a dressing table, looking at himself in the mirror. The table is likely his mothers, as the perfume bottles on it seem to belong to a woman. Behind Haruka, we can see a window that shows that it’s daytime, but when his reflection in the mirror changes into his younger self, we can see that it is night-time outside (with red sky and a full moon). As the image changes, I believe this is Haruka experiencing a flashback, or perhaps a sign that he is having a nightmare.

I also believe that Haruka experiences PTSD as a result of his mother being emotionally abusive and neglectful towards him. I believe that this mistreatment when he was a young child explains a lot of his current personality - his behaviour fits in well with the behaviours of people who survive emotional abuse (doubting his own perception of things, a very strong negative opinion of himself, fear of abandonment).

There are many lyrics in Weakness that I believe point towards Haruka’s mother being emotionally abusive. The notable ones to me are: ‘Tell me, why are you drifting away from me? / Tell me, why do you say it’s my fault?’ and ‘If I tried and couldn’t say it / You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless”’. I believe that these lyrics are directed at Haruka’s mother.

As for imagery in the MV, when Haruka initially falls backwards from the dressing table, he falls into the liquid from his mother’s perfume, which shows how her treatment of him has surrounded him. Later, while he’s walking alongside her happily, she barely looks back down at him, and when adult Haruka pushes his younger self back, the following image is shown:

I believe the drawing in the background is meant to be Haruka’s mother, and his cruel treatment of his younger self is meant to show that he has internalised his mother’s abuse, going on to blame and punish himself for what he believes she would blame and punish him for.

Later, it shows Haruka as a child watching the fireworks with a girl his own age, whose face is blacked out like his mother’s. While it’s not clear what exactly happened, something bad happened to the girl, and she vanished from his life.

This is pure speculation, but I don’t think that Haruka killed the girl. I think something bad happened to her - possibly she even died - and that Haruka blames himself for what happened, whether fairly or unfairly. I believe that what happened was traumatic to Haruka, and he tried to avoid thinking about the bad part by focusing on his memory of the fireworks, which is a part of his denial.

Later, Haruka is petting a dog with his mother. Then, he goes outside to search for the dog, and comes across the dog’s body. Initially, I believed that Haruka had killed the dog, and I still think that this is a highly likely theory, as yellow roses are seen (which in flower language used to represent jealousy), and the lyrics that play during this point are ‘You praised me by saying “You’re crazy” / Thank you, I’ll do my best�� which, to me, alludes to children acting out for attention when they are being neglected, because due to the lack of positive attention they begin to see all forms of attention as a good thing, including negative attention.

However, in the timeline conversations, there is an exchange between Haruka and Shidou where Haruka has bloodied hands, and he tells a concerned Shidou that it comes from a bad habit of his, that when he’s tense he clenches his fists and his nails dig into his palms, causing them to appear bloodied.

Shidou: Sakurai-kun...? Could you show me your hand? Haruka: Hei!? No, this isn’t... it’s n-nothing... Shidou: Lend it to me. ...Your palm is covered in blood. Let’s have it disinfected. This... has it always been like this? Haruka: A-ah... I-it’s a habit... W-When I feel tense I grip my hands really tight, and my nails...

This detail has caused me to wonder if Haruka didn’t actually kill the dog. We see child Haruka looking for the dog nervously, and then appearing horrified when he finds the dogs corpse, then he looks down at his hands and sees blood on them. We also only see adult Haruka bludgeoning the dog. It’s common for people with PTSD to re-experience trauma from different perspectives, or with details changed, so it’s possible that Haruka did not kill the dog.

However, at this point, I think either explanation could be possible, so I’ll leave both of those theories here and move on.

Later, when it shows adult Haruka strangling child Haruka, I believe that this is when Haruka’s Milgram murder takes place. Before he begins strangling his child self, he is seen looking at a memory of himself being ignored by his mother, and becomes enraged, lashing out at his child self and strangling him, seemingly in an act of self-loathing.

However, I believe that Haruka is actually murdering his mother, having finally snapped and let out all of his repressed feelings. After the murder is over, I believe that Haruka was so horrified by what he did, he went into denial - which is something he has practice from doing his whole life - and the details of what he did became distorted.

In conclusion, I believe the following:

The MV takes the form of Haruka’s nightmares, which is why it’s ambiguous, unreliable and distorted

Haruka was emotionally abused and neglected by his mother since childhood

Haruka didn’t kill the girl, but he does blame himself for what happened to her

EITHER: Haruka killed the dog to try and get his mother to notice him, OR Haruka didn’t kill the dog but still in some way blames himself for the dog’s death

Haruka killed his mother directly due to his repressed feelings of anger towards her for abusing and neglecting him

Haruka is horrified by what he did, and on some level is in denial of the facts of what happened

Misc Analysis

Undercover

Haruka’s bedroom has toys that would be more appropriate in the bedroom of a young child. This shows that he is mentally stuck in a child-like state. Interestingly, there is also a drawing of a tree with two snakes that also appears during his MV. I don’t know what this means.

Haruka is shown strangling Es, which backs up the idea that Haruka’s murder happened when he was shown strangling his child self. Haruka’s mouth is wide open, showing that his murder involved heightened emotion on his part. This wasn’t a cold and calculated murder, this was a spur-of-the-moment response to something.

Interrogation Questions

I’m picking a few notable interrogation questions to analyse. In general, though, Haruka’s answers were much simpler than Yuno’s, which shows his child-like mindset and difficulty in understanding things.

Q: If one of your wishes could be granted, what would it be? A: I want to be loved.

Pretty straightforwards. This shows Haruka’s core motivation is to be loved.

Q: When was your first love? A: I don’t know.

Q: What’s the difference between romantic love and just love? A: Don’t they both mean that you like someone?

Q: What’s your ideal date plan? A: I don’t understand.

Despite his core motivation being wanting to be loved, Haruka doesn’t understand much about love, due to having been deprived of it his whole life.

Q: What kind of person is your father? A: I disappointed him.

This is the only time we hear of Haruka’s father. I’d guess that his mother blamed Haruka for his father leaving them, and that’s why he believes that he disappointed his father.

Q: Have you ever had a pet before? A: I have not.

Q: What is your favourite animal? A: I don’t like animals.

Q: What are some things you can’t deal with? A: Small children and animals.

Haruka denies any incident that was traumatic to him.

Q: What do you think of your family? A: I love them.

Despite having been deprived of love from his mother, he still says he loves them.

Q: Tell us what you enjoy doing. A: I like talking with the other prisoners.

Haruka talks about what he’s been doing since coming to Milgram, which implies that he didn’t have much he enjoyed doing beforehand.

Two Breaths Walking

A song about a boy meeting a girl. The girl tries to teach the boy about life, but due to the boy’s mother having taught him about life wrongly, he struggles to understand, and as a result ends up hurting the girl.

With Haruka as the boy, the girl in his MV as the girl, and his mother as the boy’s mother, this directly parallels Haruka’s MV. There isn’t much to talk about, because the parallels are pretty direct. It backs up the idea that Haruka’s mother was abusive, teaching him wrongly through her abuse and neglect.

Voice Drama

Es: Now, let’s begin the interrogation. Prisoner Number 1, Haruka. Haruka: O-Okay… I-I’m sorry… Es: Huh? Do you have something to apologise for? Haruka: U-uh, no… I’m sorry.

This shows us Haruka’s submissive personality. This kind of apologising for any perceived fault is very common in survivors of emotional abuse, because they learnt in the abusive environment that their abuser could find fault in anything, and to lower the severity of abuse, they would apologise. However, as this level of apologising isn’t needed or expected in regular situations, when it carries over it stands out.

Haruka: Ah, uh, um… I didn’t understand whatever it was you were saying. It was difficult. Es: Huh? Haruka: Uh, um… I’m sorry. I’m not that bright. Es: Haruka. What age are you? Haruka: Um… 17 years old, I think. Es: You think? Haruka: Uh, well… I have no interest in my age… I’m sorry.

Haruka isn’t used to having to think for himself, which is also common in survivors of emotional abuse. Abusers try to make their victims dependent on them, they may try to make decisions for their victims, or in the case of abusive parents may speak for them and deprive their children of the ability to develop. Taking into account Haruka’s cover song, I think it’s likely that this was the case with his mother.

Es: The only name left that hasn’t been said is Amane. Haruka: A-Amane. Es: What’s wrong? Haruka: I-I’m not good with them. Children at that age. A-Amane is a good girl, but she brings back b-bad memories.

This is most likely referring to whatever happened with the girl in Haruka’s MV. Haruka avoids thinking about traumatic incidents, even in his nightmares he avoids the details of them. Avoiding triggers of traumatic events is a symptom of PTSD.

Haruka: It’ll happen sometime. I… I… Even though I try to be normal, everything gets ruined. You, everyone, if you knew me… If you knew everything that I did… I’m… gonna be abandoned, that’s bound to happen. Because I’m a selfish killer.

Due to his abuse, Haruka solely blames himself for everything that happens. It’s likely that his mother blames him even for things that weren’t his fault, so this thought process stuck. Haruka’s primary motivation is love, and his biggest fear is abandonment.

Glitched Voice Line

Then what should I have done instead!? Tell me! Tell me so even I can understand!

I believe that this line from Haruka is addressed to his mother who he killed. He felt that he had no way to gain her love, and he is looking to her to tell him what to do.

Other Theories

Twin Theory

A theory I’ve seen says that the child in Haruka’s MV isn’t Haruka as a child, and is actually his twin. I don’t think we have any evidence to support this. I think that, given how much of Haruka’s MV is made up with abstract imagery, we should be careful with interpreting it too literally.

Autistic Haruka Theory

I have no issue with people seeing Haruka as being autistic, however, all of the theories about him being autistic seem to come from an outdated view of autism. I am autistic myself, and while I can recognise a lot of autistic traits in Haruka’s behaviour, I don’t think autism is what they were going for. I think that Haruka’s ‘autistic traits’ are, instead, supposed to show that he’s in a child-like mentality after a trauma that took place in his childhood, and that his behaviour has been strongly influenced by his abusive mother. I believe we have evidence that points towards this specifically, but no evidence that points specifically towards Haruka being autistic.

Unexplained

Why does Haruka say that his hands bleed when he’s nervous and what connection does that have to the blood on his hands in the MV?

What is the significance of the necklace that Haruka wears?

What is the significance of the girl in the MV?

What happened while watching the fireworks?

Did Haruka kill the girl?

What’s the significance of the tree and the snakes?

Final Verdict

My Verdict: Innocent.

I’m very glad that the popular vote determined that Haruka was innocent! My major reasons for this are: 

1. His MV is the most abstract right now - it’s unclear exactly what happened, so any judgement based on his crime is going to be difficult. 2. For Haruka to open up more, I think he needs to be reassured that he will not be abandoned. I think that Haruka’s second MV will give us more details, because we have reassured him that he will not be abandoned.

Thank you for reading this ridiculously long thing! I hope to write these for all of the prisoners, and eventually catch up to where we currently are with the voting! If you enjoyed my analysis, please consider sharing so it can reach a wider audience!

[technospotatoes]

C!SAM - Redeemable Qualities Analysis (Dream SMP)

Hallo! I’m back with another brain rot post for ya’ll instead of doing my schoolwork :] 

Recently, I’ve been doing some thinking and theorizing with some friends on discord following Quackity’s huge lore stream (if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend you watch it). I woke up this morning with a head full of many thoughts about C!Awesamdude and where his story could take us. Seeing as how there is going to be lots of change in the future with the server, there must be changes in these characters as well-- evil to good, good to evil, and the like. With these changes comes my thought: “can these characters be redeemed?” Here are my thoughts on how this applies to C!Sam.

Please let me know your thoughts and theories, I’d love to discuss with you! As always, strap in, it’s gonna be a long one :]

I hope you enjoy!

Author’s note: I want to start this off by saying that all of the contents being discussed are fictional, and are from the Dream SMP universe. I do not support the actions of these characters, but merely have interest in analyzing them through a lens of psychology and for entertainment purposes. Content of this post will contain spoilers up to 3/25/21 of the DSMP lore. I will also talk about ATLA a little bit ;)

Content warning: mentions of torture, manipulation, death, possible psychological trauma

(pls be safe ily)

What makes a redeemable character? 

  Redeemable characters are some of the most pleasing and favored characters in modern media. Their stories are rich with emotion, and they can even evoke some form of catharsis within the most skeptic consumers. Redeemable characters are memorable and inspiring, and without one, a story can feel empty. Before we apply this character trope to the Dream SMP and C!Sam, we need to answer a basic question in order to fully understand the complexity of redeemable characters and how they are so universally significant. 

What is a redeemable character?

  Simply put, a redeeming character or characteristic counteracts or corrects something negative. From a storytelling standpoint, a redeemable character is someone who has roots in good qualities, turns bad, and has the ability to revert their wrong choices to become a better person. 

Examples of redeemed characters in popular media include: 

Zuko - Avatar the Last Airbender

Boromir - Lord of the Rings

Kylo Ren - Star Wars

Severus Snape - Harry Potter 

  Zuko, for example, starts his story off as the villain. He tirelessly hunts down the protagonist, and will stop at nothing to achieve his goal to please his father. However, as the show progresses, we learn that Zuko wasn’t always bad. He was only driven to his path of villainy because of his fear of failure, of his father (the firelord and true antagonist of the show), and of a greater punishment than what he had already received. With the help of his uncle, Zuko learned to push through and accept his past, while also making amends with his wrongs and coming to the realization of who the true enemy was; ultimately choosing peace and unity over destruction and fear.    Zuko’s story is so appealing because it was drawn out. It was raw, it was real, and it was a genuine telling of how damaged people can heal, change, and come to accept themselves. Because he went through the process of redemption, he was not only able to be loved by those around him, but also by his audience-- And I believe that this can be the same case with any redeemable character. 

So how does this relate to C!Sam? How could he possibly be redeemable if he is not evil?

  C!Sam has become increasingly interesting to me in the DSMP lore, and he has shown how complex his character is-- in contrast to many first impressions that people have of him. Based upon his actions from the past, and his willingness to remain neutral in times of conflict, we can conclude that he sustains both “neutral good” and “lawful neutral/good” qualities. This means that Sam is a reliable character, driven by his own personal values, and is devoted to helping others (when he sees fit). Evidence of these qualities emerge…

When he sided with Pogtopia during the Manberg War to maintain good relations with Tommy and Tubbo. 

When he saved Hannah from the Egg

Created Sam Nook to assist Tommy in building his hotel

Built Pandora’s Vault for Dream

Showed concern for Ranboo after one of his denied prison visits

  Sam’s moral code is deeply rooted with good intentions; he keeps an eye out for his friends, maintains his relationships, assists in builds/projects, and also serves as a “stable adult figure” for some of the younger members of the server. In contrast to his logical outward appearance, C!Sam lets his emotions drive his decision making-- which can lead to many severe consequences depending on how he acts. However, recently Sam’s actions indicate that he is experiencing a flip in morals. 

Below are incidents that have led to C!Sam’s recent change in moral code. 

Incident 1: Trapped with the Egg

  Many weeks ago, during the height of character involvement with the Egg lore, C!Sam was lured into a trap by BBH and Antfrost. He spent about a day trapped in close contact with the Egg, and after he was saved by Puffy and Tommy, he was clearly changed. It is likely that the Egg is behind these sudden changes in character motivation for Sam… similarly to how it corrupted BBH, Ant, and Punz. Whether this is the case with Sam is unclear. 

Incident 2: Tommy’s death

  C!Sam and C!Tommy’s relationship within the DSMP lore is one of my favorite things to talk about. After his victory over the disk war and finally landing his nemesis in prison, Tommy was left empty, without much to do. He decided to take upon a new project to incite a new era of peace, and was able to enlist the help of Sam with building his hotel. Throughout this process (and under the watchful eye of Sam Nook), Tommy and Sam were able to develop a bond with each other through their work, along with their interactions at the Prison. 

  Sam has made it clear that he intends to defend Tommy no matter what-- but after his untimely death at the hands of C!Dream, Sam was deeply wounded. He felt as if he failed his promise to keep Tommy safe, and he made it clear that the blame for the “security issue” and C!Tommy’s death should be placed fully on him. No matter how selfless and responsible this makes his character appear, this event will only serve as the basis for severe consequences in moral change in the future. 

Incident 3: Confrontation with Quackity

  Following the large emotional impact of Tommy’s death, C!Sam is very vulnerable, because he is still within the stages of grief. C!Quackity came to Sam for a partnership, to take advantage of Sam while he was low to gain the upper hand. It’s no question that Q’s character is a talented manipulator, we can see that clearly in his interaction with Sam. Q restates again and again that Sam failed, further cementing Sam’s existing guilt and desire for revenge for his failure. Sam gives in to the manipulation, and somewhat reluctantly allows Quackity to torture Dream to get information and to get payback for what he did to Tommy... which completely goes against what his responsibility of Warden entails. 

  As Warden, C!Sam is supposed to uphold the law and rules of visitation, but because of his leniency with Quackity (in breaking the rules) and because he is still emotionally raw, he no longer defends good from evil, but is now biased against it. C!Sam probably wants Dream dead, but as Warden, his opinion shouldn’t matter. Because Sam fully blames himself for failing Tommy, he's lost the "lawful good" in his character, meaning Warden Sam (as a set of morals) truly doesn't exist anymore.

Incident 4: Ponk’s mistake

  To recap a stream briefly, Ponk did a prank on Sam a couple days ago, and stole a few of the expired keycards to Pandora’s Vault. Rightfully, Sam was very angry, and not only took back the keycards, but also imprisoned Ponk. However, where this interaction should have ended, C!Sam only took it to the extreme. (TW!!!!) Out of anger and frustration, C!Sam tortured Ponk for his wrongdoing by setting him on fire, and amputating his arm (END TW!!!). 

  This only proves my point from Incident 3. Warden Sam is fading, only bits and pieces of his morally neutral character remain within him for basic tasks. His encounter with Quackity had a huge impact on his psyche, not only is he allowing the torture of the prison occupants, but he is doing it himself as well. C!Sam is now starting to believe that pain and torture are the only solutions for punishment, which is the complete opposite of what he believed before Dream was imprisoned. 

In short...

  C!Sam is losing his grip on moral and mental stability because of his emotional insecurity due to his psychological trauma. Because of this, I believe that it is entirely possible for Sam’s character to explore the route of evil and unlawful values-- which furthers the possibility for a redemption arc. Even currently, Sam is eligible for redemption as well.

  If C!Sam is willing to acknowledge his wrongs from today and improve himself upon them, he will likely become a more memorable, lovable, and even more human character than we’ve seen in the SMP before. 

SIDENOTE!

IRL Sam recently posted in his discord talking about his character. Here are a few key things to keep in mind as the story goes forward: 

“There is a LOT of things in the plan for me as a character and a very big change is coming about for me as the story moves along.”

I believe this change could be a villain arc, or a turn towards evil that incites the possibility for redemption. 

“My character is playing a role that I think is VITAL for the server and a role that I like to think was a good one for me to pick up and accept.”

You can read the reddit post I referenced for this here (ty to my friend on discord for providing me with the link <3)

TYSM FOR READING!! <3 <3 <3

[flowerslightning]

(Part 2) Cloud Strife and his Mental Illness

a.k.a Psychiatric Disorder

| 1. Memory | ⇦ Click if u havent read it yet

2. Hallucinations, Illusions and Delusions

Since these three things relate well with Cloud's troubled memories, I'll be talking about them first before jumping to his Confused Personality

This post will bore u a bit or maybe a lot 😂 it depends. If ure interested with psychiatric stuff, u'll find this enjoyable as much as i do

Disclaimer : I'm 21 and still a tiny meany student. During my intern at Psychiatric Department, I learned and witnessed psychiatric problems from real life patients. And since Cloud (my fav FF character) has psychiatric issues, I'll be sharing some of my knowledge and interpretation of Cloud's character. Im not diagnosing him, rather i'm giving my own opinion about his status

@nibelheiim created a post about dissociation, she explained about hallucination, PTSD and more. Come and check her out! Her words were more direct and easier to understand. She explained about Psychological matter and she's a real psychology student too!

While my explanation will be more focusing on Psychiatric Topic and words used will be more complicated (with grammar errors). My facts will be based on ICD 10 and DSM-IV

A lot of people were confused with these three terms - Hallucination Illusion Delusion - These terms associated with abnormalities of perception. It is important to understand that this abnormality holds two keys; ● 1. Perception is the process of becoming aware of what is presented through the sense organs. ● 2. Imagery is an experience originating within the mind that usually lacks the sense of reality that is part of perception.

Abnormalities of perceptions have 4 theme, but I'll be focusing on two major types that relate with Cloud: (i) Hallucinations ; (ii) Illusions. Some cases, perception can be normal in intensity and quality but has a changed meaning for the person who experiences it - it is called as Delusional Perception. It is not an abnormal of perceptions, rather it is a disorder of a person's thinking.

Try guessing, how many from these terms does Cloud has?

1. Hallucinations

- A perception experienced in the absence of external stimulus to the corresponding sense organ. Eg - patient hears a voice when no one is speaking within a hearing distance or patient sees something approaching him when visually no one is there. There are 2 qualities to determine a hallucination: ●it is experienced as a true perception●it seems to come from outside of the head●

The above gif, where Sephiroth suddenly appear again before Cloud's eyes even able to touch Aerith's shoulder, it illustrate perfectly the 'Visual Hallucination'. No one can see Sephiroth, other than Cloud himself.

Cloud [Remake] kinda had anxiety when he stared at the fire and later he saw Sephiroth surrounded with flames, then poof, that silver guy disappeared along with the images of fire. He said he was hallucinating stuff after the first bombing mission. Idk how Sephiroth could create fake images of fire around him, either Cloud was really hallucinating or it was really Sephiroth that came to see him. But, this is what we call as 'Visual and Auditory Hallucinations'. Cloud SAW Sephiroth and HEARD him talking when no one else did. I can also add in 'Tactile Hallucination' because he probably felt the burning sensation on his skin from the flame around him that caused him to feel hot and sweating, or probably it was his anxiety that caused him sweating upon meeting Sephiroth with the flashback of his burning hometown

Hallucinations can occur in all sensory modalities; visual, olfactory, auditory etc. In the Remake, the Whispers could only be seen by certain people. To those who couldnt see it, they would be puzzled what was happening to u, and would've thought that u were hallucinating something, like in the case of Aerith.

In Cloud's case, perhaps Cloud [In OG] had auditory hallucination due to his severe case of Mako Addiction. But then, that wasnt exactly a hallucination though, cuz the thing he said "'Coming.. They're coming" was actually true. A monster fell from the sky.

Other 'hallucinations' that Cloud had was the images of Sephiroth that appeared in certain headache. Cloud may claimed it was his hallucinations, but i've read it somewhere that says it was really Sephiroth appeared before his eyes. Sephiroth was messing with Cloud's mind, trying to break his mental in order to control him. However, IF IT WASNT SEPHIROTH that came, Cloud's 'hallucination' would be known as a mental disorder that may lead to severe case - eg Schizophrenia.

2. Illusions

An illusion is a misperception of an external stimulus. It often occur in several circumstances: (i)level of sensory stimulation reduced (ii)attention is not focused on the sensory modality (iii)level of consciousness reduced (iv)being in a state of intense emotion- fear.

Does Cloud has it? Urm, maybe? Well, it can be proven when he saw his 'noisy neighbour next door' as Sephiroth. As stated above, illusions occur in 4 conditions, and Cloud was in number (i) and (iv). When Tifa yelled him to stop, Cloud came back to reality and got really confused when the 'Sephiroth' that attacked him was actually a sick guy. We can also add in 'Hallucinations of Deep sensation' in this scenario bcause Cloud experienced the feelings of being pushed down by 'Sephiroth'.

However, we all know that 'Sephiroth' was real at that moment. For Cloud, he thought it was an illusion, but for us the audience, it was a real thing.

If u want a better explanation and example, try watching Joker the movie. The main theme of the movie was 'mental illness'. There are lots of scenes that shows different type of hallucinations, illusions and also personality disorder.

3. Delusions

a.k.a fixed false belief. A belief that is held firmly despite evidence contrary. A delusion is nearly always a false belief but not always so. There are around 11 types of delusions according to the book. Half of it may suggest Shcizophrenia. Schizophrenia is certainly not in Cloud's case. I've studied one by one the type of delusions and none of them match with Cloud FF7.

I will surely give anyone a good punch in the face if they dare to say Cloud suffers from Schizophrenia. I've met with bunch of patients having it, and the way they see this world is totally different from us.

In some other cases, eg a spiritualist convince a person to believe in his spiritualism and he present with contrary evidence to the non-believer. This non-delusional belief is called 'overvalued ideas'

Overvalued ideas is an isolated , preoccupying and strongly held belief that dominates a person's life and may affect his action. One of the easiest example i can come up with; a friend who had skin cancer may be convinced to her roomate that cancer is contagious, and her roomate suspects any abnormal skin conditions she has is an evidence to show she too, may have developed the same cancer, when the truth is, she's just completely fine.

It is very hard to distinguish between a delusion and overvalued ideas.

I had a patient, he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. He looked like an ordinary man, but when he talked, it sounded so unreal. He said he had jumped off from 10th floor several times and didnt get a scratch from it. He believed he wont die bcause he had gained super power. He even convinced me to try his 'so-called-secret technique- on how to survive a jump. By doing that often, I will have a superpower like him - a strong physical body. Up until now, I still dont know if he was being deluded with his thought or he was overvalued his idea, bcause from his psychiatric record, he did try to jump off from the second floor of his apartment's balcony a few times.

So, Im not really sure of myself did Cloud [FF7] really had delusion or not. Well, he believed he made it to SOLDIER bcause he had mako eyes. But was it something we called as delusion or was he just overvaluing his idea? He didnt know the truth and his memory messed up. No one could explain to him why he had Mako eyes, except Prof Hojo and Zack who knew the truth

Besides, after Tifa helped with his memory, Cloud accepted the fact he wasnt in SOLDIER. For patient who deluded with their own thoughts, they hardly could believe what people told him.

However, surely Cloud [in AC] had delusions of guilt and worthlessness due to the fact that he believed he had done something shameful and sinful - the main trigger of this theme was, he got infected with Geostigma while he was searching a cure for Denzel. Cloud got depressed with the loss of Aerith and the memory of Zack death had returned, but I think he was recovering very well in that two years time skip. The moment he got Geostigma, he became deluded he was worthless and his depression kicked in again.

Hallucinations and Illusions are normal to be experienced by healthy people, but it wont be if u encounter too many hallucinations & illusions in 2 weeks time. Believe it or not, a lot of people around us are actually mentally ill bcause some of them may have excessive certain delusions, such as delusions of jealousy, grandiose delusions, nihilistic, paranoid etc. Although 'it is consider as normal' in a few circumstance, a few cases need to refer to psychologist and in severer cases, must refer to psychiatrist. If u follow Dr Phil's show, u'll see a bunch of patients have different kind of crazy delusions.

Overall from my statement above, I would conclude that since Sephiroth always appear before Cloud's eyes, this resulting Cloud to think he has both Hallucination and Illusion, when in fact, he's just a normal guy with amnesia and personality confusion. Cloud doesnt have Delusion like how many fans said, neither he has an overvalued idea, even with the evidence of Mako eyes supporting his reasoning + he's a great fighter. I will have to say that perhaps it is his brain defence mechanism that tricks his mind to believe he is a Soldier.

If only Sephiroth stop disturbing Cloud's life, it will be a lot faster to fix Cloud. Tifa alone will be the main strength to get Cloud back to normal. Ah, but this is the beauty of the game. Life wont be exciting without the presence of a beautiful villain and a love triangle (Tifa-Cloud-Sephiroth). Lol Technically I see them trying to fight for Cloud's mental health. Tifa wants to help Cloud with his mental status while Sephiroth is trying to destroy it. Lolololol

My crack theory : Sephiroth says he's going to take Cloud's most precious thing, and he ends up choosing to kill Aerith, but ofc there's another reason why Aerith got killed. But if Sephiroth kills Tifa first, I think he can take over Cloud's mind faster, because then, no one will be holding Cloud back. Honestly no one can ever will, not even Aerith. So does that mean Sephiroth doesnt know about Cloud's deepest secret or is Cloud just good at hiding his weakness?

I WILL UPDATE THE NEXT POST LATER because I've reached tumblr limit images agaiiin. The next part will be focusing about his personality - Personality Disorder

If there is any part that I've mistaken, pls correct me. I'm sorry for my english. English is not my native language, so there are plenty of grammar errors.

[grayyxv]

An Analysis of Portgas D. Ace

Alright I decided to do this since people actually enjoyed the analysis i did for Kid. Also, i find myself relating to him more and more recently. So, I thought: why not do an analysis of him?

Ace is undoubtedly one of my favorite characters in all of one piece so this might segway to become a "Why is Ace such a good character?" post.

Before I begin, just a disclaimer; I am aware that not everyone will agree with what I say so just make sure you understand that this is just my opinion. im just a psychology student so im just using whatever crap i learnt into analyzing this.

* This post might contain spoilers *

Here we go.

I think we can all agree that Ace is definitely one of the most loved characters in one piece. He has a shit ton of fans so i dont even NEED to convince you on why you should like him. But of course, there are fans that like him only because of his appearance or because of his abilities. So, id like to offer a different perspective- the same goes with my Kid post. Im just here to kind of breakdown the reasons why Ace is such an amazing character such that we can all appreciate him even more.

1. Background

Let us take a look at his background shall we? I think this is a very important part of Ace's character as all his choices and decisions stems from how he was raised during his childhood.

In the recent chapters of one piece, they showed a panel of Roger saying how he wanted a son. But we all know how that went. He was dead so he couldnt take care of Ace. Instead, taking care of Ace became Garp's responsibility, then it shifted to Dadan's responsibility.

Dadan was Ace' primary caretaker. While she provided and place for him to stay & food to eat, she isn't really shown spending time with him. She cared for him, that's for sure. But did she meet his emotional needs? I dont think so. Spending time with a chuld is very importsnt for their growth. But Dadan did not do that. It's evident that Ace displays the insecure-avoidant attachment style as he is unconcerned about his caregiver. This led him to develop trust issues as he got a bit older.

Another reason that could explain his behaviour in his childhood is that no one tried to address the relationship between him and Gol D. Roger. No one took time to acknowledge Ace's feelings about Roger. Everyone around him had said that he was an amazing man, but no one understood Ace when he said that Roger wasn't as great of a father. This led him to resent Roger even more- as well as the people who praised him.

Sabo's 'death' really affected Ace. Sabo was the first person who accepted Ace and I guess Ace must've grieved over him. (I mean, he does have a tattoo in memory of Sabo) But, Sabo was the reason why Ace decided to become stronger. So that he could fight for whoever he cared about.

2. Love

This is arguably the main theme in Ace's character.

His whole character arc revolves around acceptance and his goal in life was simply to find someone that could love him for who he was- not because he was the son of Roger. As explained above, he had attachment issues as he wasn't really shown any love as a kid. The firet person to accept him was Sabo then eventually, Luffy. It's unclear how Sabo and Ace met but, Sabo was definitely the first person to help Ace open up his heart. This is purely hypothetical but I think Ace saw similarities between himself and Sabo which eventually led them to becoming friends. On the other hand, he took a long time before he accepted Luffy. Luffy was an interesting child because he was so persistent in getting Ace's attention and acceptance. I'm sure Ace must have felt confused as to why someone would try so hard to even be accepted by him. Was it because he was Roger's son? Or did Luffy really want to befriend Ace because of who he was? When they became sworn brothers, it had meant that Ace was going to sacrifice everything for Sabo and Luffy. They followed different paths but Ace never stopped caring for them.

Moving on to the point where he first joined the Whiteheard pirates, this is when he experienced what it was like to have a family. Over time, they taught him about how a family should be like. They showed him unconditional love and sheltered him from those who would try to harm him. In return, he does the same for them. This was when Ace had found his purpose. His purpose was to protect those he cared about and those who cared about him.

3. Marineford

This is where Ace's character really was at its peak. We see that everything that we have understood about Ace makes sense as they are reflected in his actions. Him going after Blackbeard after he killed Thatch, then getting captured. But, this is where we learn that Ace is still struggling with his issues. He doesn't want to be saved because there's a part of him that thinks that no one cares about him. He thinks that nobody would bother risking their lives for him so, he didn't ask for any help as he didn't want to ne disappointed when no one came. At the same time, part of him clung on to that hope that he could be saved. That maybe just one person would come and rescue him.

As an audience, his conflicting emotions really impacted me because his feelings are all too real. What do i mean? This is kind of personal but, if you have ever struggled with mental illness you'll understand Ace's feelings. I've dealt with depression all my life and I could really relate to his feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I'm worth the effort, if there is any point in me living. Does anyone really care about me? Even if you don't have a mental health condition, surely you must have had times where you were in despair. That is when you wonder to yourself if there is any point in clinging onto hope. If there is anyonr that could save you from this situation. I think this side of Ace's character is so well written because it reflects reality.

The most heartbreaking scene is when Ace protects Luffy from Akainu. Some people argue that Ace's death was his own fault as he shouldn't have gotten agitated when Akainu insulted Whitebeard. But, you need to understand Whitebeard's relationship to Ace. To Ace, Whitebeard was the man that gave him everything a father would have. He was there for Ace physically and emotionally. He literally was the one who gave Ace the confidence and strength to fight for who he loves. So, I think that his actions and choices in that scene is perfectly valid. It fits his character.

Finally, Ace's death and his last words.

"Thank you for loving me."

This fucking broke my heart.

Everything about Ace's character is coming in full circle. His past, his choices, everything had been leading to this moment where he would die protecting the one he loved. He had finally achieved his goal in life- which was to find someone who could love him. He must've felt so fucking happy when he saw how so many people were willing to fight to save him. He finally attainted the happiness he had been searching for so, so long.

Then, he died.

This is going to segway a little but I really, really couldn't accept his death because he didn't deserve to die. Don't get me wrong, I do know how important his death is for the story and Luffy's character but I still can't accept that he couldn't live out the rest of his days happily. Also, the fact that he never got to see Sabo again just fucking breaks my heart because Sabo was the first person in his LIFE to accept him. (that is why i ship them lmao)

Anyways.

In summary, I think the reason why everyone loves Ace so much was because they could see themselves in his position. We can understand his conflicting feelings, his fears and worries because they are a reflection of reality. We desire for the same thing as he does: Love and acceptance. Which is why, we root for him. In times of despair, he clings on to hope- much like how we do in real life.

With that said, like how Ace deserves all the love in the world, you do too.

You deserve better.

TLDR; i love this man so, so much

[comparatist]

Photo courtesy: Pinterest

Recently read, A Bengali Lady in England. Here's a review.

The travelogue named Englondey Bangamahila penned down by Krishnabhabini Das, a middle class Hindu woman in 1885, while Bengal was under the control of British Raj, presents a plethora of her perceptions about the English rule then. Her colonised entity had managed to criticise the imposition of the English ways upon the Bengali culture as well as praise some of the traits of the same in the said text. She had left for England with her husband in 1882 and remaining there for eight years, compiled her experiences gathered from the journey and the ultimate destination in the form of a travelogue, and had frequently mentioned about how her fellow Bengali sisters can’t experience the same and this travelling, was her way of fulfilling her long born wish of visiting a free nation with free folks asserting their independence without the apparently non-existent social norms restricting their moves. Krishnabhabini dedicated this compilation of her thoughts about the culture which was still alien to the Indian people specially Indian women who were always inside the ‘andarmahals’ and were never allowed to fulfil their wishes by the conservative society.

Though she had started the English ways of dieting and started to dress like the foreigners, she was sceptical about giving away to the foreign values and asserted repeatedly that her way of draping herself cannot make her reject the Hindu culture preserved nicely in her heart. She expressed her criticism about the conservative minds who would cancel her acquaintance for her ways of decking herself in the name of ‘losing’ their caste. The foreign ways which appeared progressive to her got appreciated while the ones that didn’t got compared with the Bengali Hindu ways and were looked down upon subsequently from her perspective. The way her assessment the lives of the English women, follows the same pattern.

When she sees the English woman being responsible for her duties in the public as well as private equally, she realises that there are no such barriers in the foreign land. Here, men and women work together and though ‘the man is the head of the household,’ the family runs entirely by the woman’s efforts. Men here, act as a mere financial support while the woman serves the family both financially as well as a homemaker. What Krishnabhabini fails to understand here is the concept of unpaid labour as the independence of the women in the foreign land grabs her attention as a hold. The Bengali household never pay for a woman’s efforts and didn’t certainly do in the 19th century. The women give labour for the family thinking that it’s her duty to look after the house and her husband and the efforts of care and affection towards them and its results are natural instincts of a woman. The patriarchy runs so deep inside the veins of this households that such a ridiculous idea has been normalised for centuries. The women weren’t allowed to earn then and the idea of being a homemaker for free got indoctrinated inside the women from a very young age. When Krishnabhabini sees the women in England moving at their free will and exerting their power in workplaces, earning sufficiently to support the family, along with her husband, she gets overwhelmed thinking about the women natives of a free nation and laments while remembering the condition of her Bengali sisters in India, though she evidently misses out the concept of unpaid labour and that the English women also being the victim of the same.

She praises the education system of England where the women have the opportunity to study. During her time, Bengali families made sure to get their daughter married off within the age of ten. There was no system for the woman to educate herself and get established in life in India. so when Krishnabhabini sees the chance of women pursuing their studies along with men in the foreign land along with men, in the Universities of London, Cambridge and Oxford, cannot stop herself from expressing her delight about watching groups of young girls going to school or women to pursue higher education and coming out with a degree of Bachelor of Arts and Masters, equally competing with the men, taking the same exams and passing them with flying colours overcoming every obstacle in their way. This changes her way of thinking regarding merit. In the Bengali households, the idea of man being the sole bread-earner and a personality meritorious and strong enough to venture in the public is normalised. It was in England, this sexist notion inside Krishnabhabini gets discarded when she sees the women achieving the same goals alongside the socially accepted strong and mature gender and she realises ‘that women are not inferior to men in intelligence’ and are already grabbing positions of professors and doctors by their efforts and utilising the already present independence there.

Alongside the education, she notices how the women in England get the opportunity to learn extracurricular activities like dancing, singing, piano etc. Though they get to mix freely with men, and as a result of which the men from her country consider the English women of ‘loose morals’, the women there are loyal to their husbands and take care of them even while having the opportunity of engage with others. This idea of chastity which is patriarchal to its core receives her appreciation. She further continues to say things like ‘only the uncivilised and barbaric races do not know how to honour the chastity of women while all civilised and developed nations believe chastity to be the prime religion of women,’ in order to support her idea.

The time when Krishnabhabini is writing this text, was a time when women barely had any independence let alone the opportunity to move out of the house, receive education and form an independent opinion of something. Krishnabhabini addresses the core problem of colonisation here. It’s the practise, the normalisation of imposed ideas and in this case it was patriarchy forbidding the women. Her ideas had flaws but she expressed her grief about how Hindu men control women through a leash and thus have made them so subservient that if the women of India or say Bengal ever receive the independence the women of England experienced, they wouldn’t know how to use it ‘properly’, but then which child learns to walk on the first day itself?

[poisonepel]

Chemistry Between the Dorm Leaders and a Hero-Inspired S/O— (pt.1)

After that Snow White request, I had a small idea... so here are headcanons for each dorm leader with an s/o inspired by the heroes of their respective films. I had some hesitation with both Vil and Leona, since their heroes are the Evil Queen’s stepdaughter and Scar’s nephew respectively... I could get past the Snow White one bc Vil’s so different from the Evil Queen, but the Simba one weirded me out too much ;; so I substituted him for Nala. Sorry !!

Of course, this is disregarding the original characters’ ages and assuming they’re all students at Night Raven, in the same dorm as their villain. Please let me know if there’s a problem with anything though !!

Idia, Leona, and Malleus will come in a second post.

Riddle & Alice

I remember Alice as a bratty, opinionated girl who is dissatisfied with her normal life and prefers to escape to her imagination. Very stubborn, but also very sensible. Pairing these traits with Riddle’s hotheadedness and severe need to keep things under his command, I don’t think they would make a very good match. Alice constantly rolls her eyes at all of his decisions, and blatantly refuses to listen to him if she doesn’t agree with what he says.

It would be extremely difficult for these two to even tolerate each other. Alice sticks out to Riddle because she’s the only one who doesn’t fear him—but that might not be a good thing. He develops a “You will fear me, you will obey me” type mindset, to which she responds with an unimpressed, “Oh, really?”

Riddle gets so fed up with her that he marches down to Headmaster Crowley and demands that Alice be relocated to a different dorm—“She’d be great for Pomefiore, with all the other stuck-ups.” (Dire says no).

As much as she loathes Riddle though, Alice might enjoy some of his nonsensical rules. She hates boring things like order and routine, instead craving the thrill of things unique and unpredictable. Riddle is taken aback when one day she exclaims how much fun she’s having during one of his sudden events, which had annoyed and tired out everyone else. He’s not sure how to react.

He spends a long time thinking about this, and then curiosity gets the better of him; he tries to experiment to see if he can do anything else that doesn’t make her turn her nose up at him. So basically, this is his odd way of figuring out her interests - and he realizes she’s not just automatically appalled by everything he does; she’s simply very opinionated. He might even start to appreciate the fact that she’s got such a strong grip of her views and morals.

It takes much longer for Alice to fall in love with Riddle, though. She has such a great distaste for him that there’s no way she’ll even consider falling in love with him. She would have to catch him in a vulnerable state to realize there’s more to him than simply yelling at everyone all the time - maybe when he’s stressed from school, or sleeping, or witnessing him experiencing true happiness (perhaps with his friends? does he even have friends?) And then she, too, having a natural curiosity, might try to learn more about him.

Tbh, the only thing that might help bring them together is the fact that both of them are way too nosy for their own good.

Azul & Ariel

Like Alice, Ariel is very curious, stubborn, and determined, but she can be a little gullible and naive at times. She’s been sheltered her whole life and Night Raven is the first time she’s been away from home for so long. Azul, on the other hand, is very independent; he’s somewhat of an information broker, good at observing people and seeing what makes them tick - and also swindling what he wants out of them. Naive little Ariel makes a perfect target.

Azul is very gentlemanly and polite, enticing and friendly, so Ariel is immediately swayed. She pretty much falls into the honeymoon phase with him straight away, but not truly in love; she’s just excited to be socializing with a nice boy.

It’s easy for Azul to trap her in a deceptive contract with ambiguous conditions. He doesn’t have any personal interest in her initially, but Ariel responds to his betrayal with vigor and goes above and beyond in trying to void the contract. It is only here that Azul starts taking more of an interest in her, since she’s now causing problems for him and therefore in the way.

But, even he has to appreciate her fierce determination to get out of this contract. He even stops at one point to consider why he’s been trying so hard to prevent her from getting out of it; Ariel is nothing but sweet and pure, so why is he so intent on inconveniencing her? He tries to convince himself that his original mindset is the same as it was before: Ariel was unable to pay the price he had set. Perhaps under misleading terms, but it’s her fault for not reading the contract carefully enough - therefore he can’t give her any leeway until he’s collected his payment. Even so, a part of him feels regretful.

However, Ariel has developed a (rightfully) bitter attitude towards Azul, and even though he understands why, it still leaves a sour taste in his mouth. Witnessing how beautiful of a personality she has has made him rethink his whole view of her - and a part of him wishes they were on better terms.

If Azul was serious about remedying their relationship, it would take a serious amount of effort on his part to regain her trust. Ariel can be naive, but she’s not stupid; and she’s already established that Azul is not an ally. But, in the case that he is able to prove himself to her, then the same elation she had when she first met him would resurface.

For their relationship to work, Azul would need to be the one who’s most committed. He already has a personality Ariel would immediately grow infatuated with, so it really depends on him being able to truly become someone she can trust and rely on - and make sure she knows that too.

Kalim & Aladdin

These two are hopeless idiots together. They come from vastly different backgrounds: while Kalim grew up with basically everything handed to him on a silver platter, Aladdin comes from a poor family and barely scraped by in his youth. They share a common resourcefulness, though, as they both are very talented at making do with whatever situation they’ve landed in (but, Kalim always has the advantage of wealth and power).

While Aladdin might be initially turned off by Kalim’s extravagant wastefulness, he also admires it greatly; much like his canon love for Jasmine, he is struck by beauty and wealth and only dreams about what it might be like to live with such greatness. This overpowers his slight aversion for him.

It’s easy for Kalim and Aladdin to become friends. Aladdin is funny and bright, with a knack for socializing since he’s come across so many people from being in such open, unstable living conditions before. Overall, he’s just very easy to slide into conversation with and feel like you’ve known him forever. Kalim is also very extroverted, but in more of a you-will-pay-attention-to-me-now forceful kind of way. Like Jamil, Aladdin is one of the few people who doesn’t tire out from Kalim’s constant energy & semi-sheltered mindset.

Once they find out their shared extroversion is very compatible, Kamil and Aladdin talk nonstop. Aladdin is a natural storyteller, and loves sharing about all his experiences from his childhood. He had to be very independent and willing to defy authorities in order to secure his survival, while also helping all the other orphans and street rats obtain food and shelter as much as he could. Kalim finds this extremely admirable. To him, Aladdin is almost like a literal prince - he rose from nothing and now is thriving at the prestigious Night Raven College. Also, he seems to have turned out fairly normal for someone who suffered so many hardships as a child.

But evidently, the closer the get, the more Kalim realizes Aladdin is not as normal as he makes himself out to be. His traumas from his youth have and are still affecting him, and once Kalim sees this different, more somber side of Aladdin, he becomes desperate to help him any way he can. He first takes him on a “date.” This isn’t meant to be romantic, just a nice all-expenses-paid trip to give Aladdin something nice.

Jamil is surprised because this is the first time Kalim has ever thought about anyone other than himself. But then, once the “dates” keep happening, Jamil realizes there’s more between them than just Kalim “being nice.” Things might escalate between them both, and while the final trigger for Aladdin was Kalim’s little acts of kindness, there had been something clear between them since the beginning.

Vil & Snow White

This sort of piggybacks off the headcanons I wrote here.

Snow White is sweet and pure of heart, a girl who doesn’t fully realize when someone might be taking advantage of her. She is gentle and sweet when she talks to you, but also doesn’t mind keeping to herself for long periods of time. On the other hand, Vil is vain and proud, constantly needs attention, and keeps his own appearance as his top priority. He always makes sure his connections are up to his own beauty standards too, and if Snow White enters his social circle, this includes her. Fortunately, there’s not much for him to do, because she is already extremely beautiful.

Vil takes interest in her because of her beauty. He feels a bit threatened by it in the beginning, but every time he talks to her, she always, always acts like the nicest, most genuine human being he’d ever met. He gets a little frustrated because he wants to hate her for being so much more beautiful than him, but she’s so ridiculously precious.

Snow White doesn’t mind Vil much. Like with everyone, it’s basically impossible for her to view him in a bad light, and she respects him as Pomefiore’s dorm leader. That being said, he’s not a major interest for her - she has a very tight-knit circle of 3 or 4 girl friends who she spends most of her time with.

Their interactions are usually initiated by Vil. Half the time, it’s because he can’t understand how she’s so nice all the time, so he tries to draw out a negative reaction from her.

But with enough time spent together, the opposite effect happens. Snow White develops a small crush on him. She starts getting flustered whenever he talks to her, and even more fidgety and precious - and even more, starts picking up his little mannerisms and habits. She sometimes points out whenever she notices something’s changed in his appearance.

Then, it’s Vil’s turn to feel flustered. She noticed. She notices whenever he does his hair differently, or when he paints his nails a new color, or when he wears a new arrangement of jewelry. He’s taken aback when his own heart starts fluttering whenever he’s around her, and soon he drops his mission to find fault with her and refocuses his attention on trying to avoid her. He has no time for falling in love.

But now Snow White is the one nervously trying to get his attention. And he's fallen so head over heels for her, he can’t not interact with her - and would feel too bad if he was mean to her. For a while, there’s a lot of tension between them, and Vil feels hideously awkward. He hates it. So he tries to finally confess, as slyly as he can.

Snow White isn’t very good at reading between the lines, but Vil isn’t very good at being subtle when he’s struck by so much emotion - so their feelings for each other come to light very quickly. There isn’t much verbal communication between them when they “confess,” though - Snow is too shy and Vil can’t admit anything unless he’s not being serious. But, if they do establish that they love each other, their relationship would be stable and warm from both parties.

[villainever]

Touch Them, Talk to Them: Villaneve & Nuance in Villanelle's Psychopathy (2x07)

okay there is SO much to say about 2x07, but none of you want to read 10k words of analysis, so im going to pick one topic and stick to it (for now). in this post, im going to talk about how this episode is – I believe – a response to: a) villanelle’s season 1 claim that what she wants is, among other things, “someone to watch movies with”, b) eve’s question, “you really don’t feel anything?”, and c) martin’s assertion that to psychopaths, there are only “i / it” relationships. i think aaron is a fantastic opposite/parallel to villanelle, because i believe that a great antagonist doesn’t just provide practical obstacles in the plot-path of the protagonist, but removes obstacles in their character-path. an example of what i meant by this is that in season 1, villanelle killed bill, killed frank, ruined evidence, impeded the investigation, and messed eve around (obstructing her plot-path). but she also drove eve to confront the (sociopathic) personality traits that she’d been repressing, and helped eve find her sense of purpose, confidence and power (smoothing her character-path). in season 2, however, villanelle has been shifted from an ~antagonist~ (ostensibly, as she doesn’t fully conform to this reductive role) to a protagonist, and aaron replaces her as the mysterious Other. just as we had with eve/villanelle, he is both Like and Not-Like villanelle. it’s the likeness that makes him an interesting (and dangerous) opponent for her, but it’s the not-likeness that’s so significant.

in 2x06, villanelle has her iconic “boredom” speech, and monologues about how nothing makes her feel anything. so at the start of 2x07, eve asks her if that’s all true – although it seemed authentic, it’s fair enough of eve to ask, considering how often and easily villanelle lies while playing her characters, and that villanelle prompts her (“you’ll feel better if you talk about it”). villanelle’s reply is that she doesn’t actually KNOW if she’s telling the truth or not. i don’t think she’s deflecting here; she appears subtly, but genuinely, torn. she DOESN’T know. 

she wants to give eve a real answer, but she can’t. this is probably the result of a whole lot of mixed information: she’s obviously been told she’s a psychopath (by lawyers and therapists and fellow prisoners and konstantin, then eve), and she knows she enjoys killing people, controlling them, and she is often bored, too, like she said, but none of those things feels like enough. so she offers eve the most she can give: “i feel things when i’m with you.” and while she definitely means this – we could’ve guessed it, considering the lengths she’ll go to to even end up in the same country as eve – she’s still conflicted.

so then, in the last quarter of 2x07, we get this scene between villanelle and aaron:

he describes them as “voids”, and villanelle doesn’t hesitate before agreeing. she’s a psychopath, right? she must be a void. she’s not “nice and normal”. she doesn’t mind stabbing or suffocating or toying with other people. between her and aaron, there’s this heartbeat of dissonant kinship. she’s already joked that they might be “soulmates”, so here, she’s just chatting with him. she’s certain they’re fundamentally the same, and there’s not much to be learned from this, so she’s mostly humouring him. so she asks something out of mild interest, but she thinks she already knows the answer.

“do you ever get lonely?” villanelle does. she finds being cooped up by herself to be tedious, and uses the time to prepare her next interactions – elaborately faking her death for konstantin; planning new presents or tricks or reminders for eve. importantly, in defiance of the “incapable of ‘i / you’ relationships” idea, she is able to apply this notion of isolation to eve. in 2x06, she tells konstantin she’s texting eve “because [eve] might be lonely”. sure, villanelle primarily wants to know how much of an impact she had by killing someone right in front of eve, but she’s not really lying; she can follow and understand the emotional process of “niko left - today’s been a high-stakes day - eve is alone - eve might want somebody to decompress with”. and she feels compelled to offer eve that, to make things better for her. but:

like i said, villanelle has been trying to reach out on the common ground she percieves them as having. she expects to relate to aaron in every way, because he’s a psychopath, too. except aaron goes on about how he knows so much about people, how he observes them. villanelle often does this as well – stalking eve in clothing stores back in season 1, googling her, watching through her windows, etc. but that’s not even near to enough of eve for villanelle, so her reaction is one of confusion. “you don’t want to talk to them? touch them? sleep with them?" 

"god, no.” aaron’s inflection is almost one of disgust, and definitely one of superiority. it’s like she’s asked him if he’s interested in hanging out with rocks. he can’t imagine having any involvement behind mild amusement at the opportunity to manipulate people, like toys. “do you?” he asks.

“yeah! i do. all the time.” it’s an immediate knee-jerk response, and though it’s soft, it’s emphatic. villanelle doesn’t doubt her answer. as the shot pans out, she gives a slight gasp, and almost smiles (mirroring that slight smile through her sobs in amsterdam). aaron remains impassive.

i believe that this exchange is maybe the MOST important of the episode, second only to eve/villanelle’s semi-sex scene. i also believe that it’s this conversation with aaron that leads villanelle to breaching that last unspoken barrier between her and eve. to be clear, i’m not trying to say villanelle isn’t a psychopath. one revelation does not fifty people un-kill. just a handful of hours before this moment, she murdered gemma with a plastic bag. so i’m not suggesting villanelle is just like any of us. she’s not, eve’s not, and we don’t want them to be. my point is that this moment clarifies a lot for villanelle. she’s been trying to figure out her own capacity for emotion and connection. one thing that she’s considered a fact about herself since before the pilot is that she “wants someone to watch movies with”. she expresses this desire to eve and konstantin with no hesitation; she’s sure, and this becomes a tacit premise in a lot of her reasoning over the whole show. i suspect villanelle doesn’t have any long-term understanding of what that really means, but she wants it anyway. she also plans most of her life around being able to get closer to eve, whether by teasing her or helping her or steering those in eve’s life to create the required conditions for a confrontation.

which is why aaron telling her he has NO need for human contact is such a big deal. because villanelle obviously DOES. she needs it, she wants it, she always has. anna, eve; villanelle develops romances that run deep – even though she’s no longer obsessed with anna by season 1, she still clearly feels a connection to her, and i don’t think she’d have killed her if anna hadn’t killed herself. then there’s konstantin, and she’s a little shit to him, but she definitely missed him, if the way she ran into his arms in 2x03 after being forced to put up with raymond for ten minutes is any indication. villanelle and konstantin have a rapport, and they trust each other (in that they both know each other well enough to guess when they might betray each other, and can account for it accordingly). essentially, until now, villanelle has been running with the equation “aaron = psychopath; me = psychopath; thus, aaron = me”. she’d assumed that part of psychopathy was just the level of human interest she has – which is why she doesn’t have an issue telling eve “like us, you mean”, even though eve has a long-term relationship and friends: that amount of involvement is still realistic for them, right? but aaron doesn’t have this need for people. so now, “aaron =/= me” for villanelle.

crucially, this interaction gives villanelle CONTEXT. rather than dealing in absolutes, she now has a spectrum of psychopathy: “aaron –> me –> eve –> carolyn –> konstantin –> etc.” aaron has inadvertently told her that what she feels is real. maybe she’d almost believed that, seeing as psychopaths can’t feel anything, can only have the “i / it”, that what she experienced was an infatuation or illusion (although this was shaken by eve stabbing her and by crying in amsterdam); but here’s aaron confirming that the idea of fascination with/caring for people has never even occurred to him. and it does NOTHING BUT occur to villanelle. eve runs circles around her head.

let’s look at that in practice. aaron’s most significant relationship is with his sister, who he treats like crap. he’s got her babysat, won’t listen to her opinions (“the grownups are talking, amber”), disrespects a friend she likes, calls her a “thickie”. then villanelle, the closest thing he has to a friend – he watches her without her consent, plays dress-up and stay-still like she’s a doll, tells her what she’s going to do (“spit it out”) and instructs her on how she should feel (“you’ll be bored”). but villanelle? her most important relationship is with eve. and sure, she makes really fucked up choices, but she also makes an effort to consider how eve might feel, what eve might want, what might appeal to her. AND, she’s IMPROVED at that. for example, in 1x03, she kills bill to get eve’s attention, but it’s at the price of hurting her. by 2x07, though, villanelle won’t kill niko. it’s mostly selfish – she doesn’t want eve to be mad at her – but if it were aaron, he’d try and force eve to be un-mad somehow, with money or threats, etc. (not that aaron would bother; he wouldn’t mind if she hated him) villanelle, though, she wants eve to ACTUALLY love her, not to HAVE to love her. villanelle is manipulative, obviously (e.g. telling niko that eve stabbed her to cause a rift between them), but she sees these indirect manipulations as a way to arrange things how she wants (it doesn’t really occur that there might be an alternative), and attempts to course-correct when eve sometimes gets upset. this is huge for villanelle. aaron gives her something NOBODY else can, by being like her, but less like her than she’d believed. the distinction between them might seem minute to viewers who have the full range of emotions/empathy, but for villanelle, that small difference means the world. it means her and eve are REAL, or real enough. martin said, “don’t add, take away”. but aaron proves that that can be true by degrees; villanelle is dotted with minuses, but fewer minuses than aaron. this is set up throughout the episode, kicked off thematically by eve’s question, but compounded by aaron’s consistent use of villanelle like a thing. THIS is an “i / it” dynamic. “stay there, exactly like that”. “wear this”. “these are your clothes now”. “we’re leaving”. “you’ll get ice-cream, and i’ll watch you eat it”. to him, villanelle is a totally disposable puppet. but over and over and over we’ve been shown that this ISN’T how villanelle perceives eve, and that’s definitely cemented in amsterdam, when villanelle breaks down over eve “forgetting” her. 

aaron, like villanelle, has up until this point mistaken them for exactly alike, but they’ve been miscommunicating all along. at lunch, villanelle said, “i dont like rich men” – meaning, i like women, specifically eve, and i have my own resources. aaron counters, “but you like money”. he’s misinterpreted, and thinks villanelle means, like him, that she never wants to have sex or talk with other humans. instead, he concludes that she likes the material object of money, and the subsequent ability to aquire items which might spark some kind of response – and this lines up with villanelle’s later remark about liking to buy and own things, which aaron recognises in himself. they’re replying to each other, but really, they’re having slightly different conversations. so what does this mean, overall? we’ve known forever that villanelle wants eve to be the person she “watches movies with”, but this conversation tells villanelle she could maybe be that person to eve, too. villanelle can “love” in her own unique way, can be present. and because eve’s stepping off the ledge and meeting her in the middle, neither of them will have to be anything other than who they actually are. and they can be who they actually are, together. this analysis got a lot more muddled than i wanted it to, because im a lil wine drunk after haning out with some friends, but i had Thoughts. i have many more Thoughts about the villaneve hookup, hugo, gemma’s death, why aaron is such a creepy villain, carolyn’s plans, etc. but i’ll leave it here for now. i hope this made some sense lmfao.

[basia2002ib]

Profile & summary of my CAS

Learning outcomes

All in all I can say I achieved all learning outcomes. 

1. I identified own strengths and developed areas for growth. I got involved in activities that based on my prevailing skills but opened new ways to develop. Language can be deepened without limits; although I have got a certified C2 level in German I can still develop my skills and I continued to do so throughout my CAS.

2. I have undertaken a range of challenges, for instance passing a C2 exam in German seemed outlandish at first but then I got used to the idea and focused all my efforts to pursuing this goal. And I did it, even though it might seem abstract. I wanted to challenge myself to spice up my life a little bit and grow personally from the process. Now I can see a difference - my German language skills developed to such degree that when I am reading literature in German now I see an immense difference - now I can easily spot nuances and extract the deep meaning.

3. I initiated and planned CAS experiences thoroughly. I am a pragmatic person who tends to stick to the plan because it gives direction. CAS stages came naturally to me, I did not have to force them because they are inherent parts of planning process. My intellectual challenges undertaken in German - 2 competition and one language certificate required detailed planning for adequate preparation. Also my internship in the foundation required planning and time-management skills as I had to combine it with my various initiatives and rigorous IB programme. CAS stages were useful to plan my CAS project as well - I was in MUN staff, which means I coorganized WawMUN 2019.

4. Commitment and perseverance are prerequisite for success. I understand it therefore in every action I take these factors resonate. Otherwise I would accomplish my goals such as honours in German, I would not be able to play volleyball in the first-line up or I would not fulfill my demanding duties throughout my internship effectively. These are only examples of actions where I used my commitment and perseverance to succeed.

5. I saw benefits of working collaboratively during the WawMUN 2019 conference, which I organized as my CAS project but also in my internship in the foundation and my service as a student goverment vice president. In the student government we need to rely on one another and have each other’s back. We do share responsibilities to make sure nothing is neglected. We help each other and in case of emergency may replace one another either during a debate or while discussing issues with the head mistress. Throughout my internship I served as an assistant therefore I needed to adjust to the current responsibilities. I was instructed by more experienced employees all the way and assigned tasks. WawMUN conference is the biggest MUN in Poland therefore the organization process is complicated and required the division of tasks. If we did not trust each other and if we did not share responsibilities, the effect would not be so spectacular. The results showed the benefits of the team work from its best side.

6. I engaged with issues of gloabl significance throughout my CAS project which was co-organizing the MUN conference. Practising debating skills is crucial in today’s world and new generations of politicians have a chance to challenge their capabilities on the conference. The topics discussed in individual commitees touched upon issues of global significance. It is great to give my peers a chance to gain skills, delve into controversial subjects and defend their position. Some of them would probably pursue politics further in life; MUN conferences are truly inspirational in this respect.

7. One of the ethical issues I adressed during my activity as a student government vice president was the animal consumption. To relieve the environment, make my own step to reduce cruelty against animals, at least at the local level, I negotiated with the canteen supervisor to introduce vegan food. Unfortunately it was not possible to serve vegan dinners because of technical diffuculties but vegan sandwiches appeared in the canteen soon after our proposal. This is the way to satisfy needs of people on a plant-based diet but also a way to promote environmentally friendly food, with no associated cruelty.

Creativity

I love literature and foreign languages. Throughout my CAS, I combine this two effectively to follow both of my passions simultaneously. I read and write a lot in German and do far beyond what is required in my school. My goals in German are wide-ranging and not confined to my German B classes, but I challenged myslef to take part in competition and to read German literature. Once I have read “The Sorrows of Young Werther”, “Faust”, “The Visit”, “The Trial” in original and it commenced my relationship with German literature. I was captivated by it to such extent that I made a German classic “The Magic Mountain” the center of my Extended Essay. I also chose “The Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka to use in my oral exam. Thomas Mann and Franz Kafka are one of my favourite writers of all time and they allow me to trace different nuances of German language. Close analysis of these works of art should involve in my opinion delving into the original work. A valuable experience might be to compare it with the translation, which I did throughout my independent study.

My tangible achievements in German (the evidence for my skills) were: a C2 certificate in German, a disitinction in the translation contest “Juvenes Translatores” organized by the European Commision and a finalist title in the National German Olympiad. I reached my aforementioned goals in 2020. They involved CAS stages. 1. I investigated the area I wanted to deepen my skills in and specific aims I wanted to pursue and these were competitions in German. 2. I prepared my strategy, researched the most respectable competitions and exams I wanted to take part in, signed up for them and planned preparation which was necessary because of huge amounts of school work and limited free time. 3. I took specific action, exposed myself to the language days before the exam and throughout multiple months I was doing practice papers, reading and watching a lot. 4. I realized that by pursuing my passion in German and going beyond the curriculum I freed myself and could really delve into the language. The experience provided me with the sense of purpose - my life was not only concerned with my Diploma syllabus but I could get acquainted with literature and recognized the power of translation in terms of its strong influence on the reception of foreign texts. 

From then onward I worked to maintain my German on the same high level. I should not take it for granted - I am not a native speaker. My accomplishements required huge amounts of work and also talent but might disappear if not cared for properly.

Activity

In the course of my CAS journey I have been active in many disciplines. Sport is one of my few ways to unwind and stop stressing about reality. I think that the limited possibilities to practice sport were one of the major obstacles during the pandemic. I was deprived of my only way to switch off and relax. Before the pandemic I used to swim and play volleyball in a school team every week plus I attended 3 Physical Education classes per week. Now my prefered activities are not possible to pursue because of lockdown which entailed school, sport halls and swimming pool closures. Moreover I am concerned with the virus. At the start of 2020 we managed to take the fouth place in district-wide volleyball competition. My team and I wanted to improve next year but the pandemic unexpectedly shattered my plans. I am grateful, however, for having been given a chance to represent my school in the first line-up. Moreover, I would attend volleyball practice every Saturday.

My PE classes give me a chance to play volleyball, football or do fitness. I enjoy almost every activity that is physically demanding. And I am also great in sport which boosts my motivation. Beyond school, I used to exert myself a lot in swimming and have difficulties to find enjoyment in it. However, I am a really good swimmer and it strengthens my determination, improves posture and health.

Throughout the pandemic, I have been practising sport independently, as it is an extremely important part of my life. However, in the first lockdown in the spring I used to overexert myself doing long and intensive workouts every day on an empty stomach to the point when I got health problems. I had to give it up and switched to another physical activity, less demanding but equally fun: walking. Never before have I taken walks so often as during the pandemic. Now, in the winter lockdown I also go for a walk sometimes.

Service

I began my CAS journey in 2019 with giving tutoring to a primary school student from a underprivileged background. Teaching subjects I am comfortable in (English and German) and his improved grades were reasons for my satisfaction. It required a lot of patience and perseverance as it was extremely difficult to teach him something because firstly he lacked motivation and secondly he had difficulties memorizing. This made it a huge challenge but turned out to be rewarding.

The second half of my first IB year (2020) I sacrificed for my internship (voluntary work) in a foundation.  My scope of activity consisted in the cooperation with the Fundraising Director and the Spokeswoman of the foundation; I had duties related to fundraising and media such as: preparing summaries of the reports from humanitarian missions for fairs in Dubai, translating posts for English social media profiles, collecting data for media reports, translating official requests for the sponsorship, gathering contact details of potential sponsors i.e. big companies and Presidents of the biggest Polish cities, monitoring press mentions.

Throughout 2020 I have also been fulfilling duties of the student government vice president. My team was elected in February 2020 and until now (beginning of 2021) I hold this position. I resolve current problems with the head mistress, co-organize and participate in events e.g. open days, control social media, coordinate logistics. In March we attended an event for student governments across Warsaw. I also tried to organize the Physics conference with my 2 friends in my school but it was cancelled last-minute due to imposed school closure, one week before it was scheduled to take place. Everything had been arranged with lecturers and we had to cancel feeling miserable.

My wide range of CAS activities - other examples

Apart from my core activities which I described, I got involved in numerous other CAS experienced described on this blog. One of the most enriching ones was my participation in the process of creation of a book. I wrote my own essay to a book published this month by my former class teacher. I entitled my work: “School is people: about sparking authenticity and breaking patterns”. I also cooked a lot and published some of my recipes on the blog, wrote to my school newspaper, took part in environmental protests, wrote some poems, some diary entry, practiced Frech, including writing, took many beautiful photos on my trips abroad,... 

I also co-organized WawMUN2019 conference as my CAS project.

[littlemisssquiggles]

Some people say seasons 4 and 5 were weakest in terms of stuff happening for Ruby and character progress for her, compared to the focus of several episodes on Blake. Like Ruby doesn’t get that too much. What would you say to refute that? I’m just curious I like seeing people’s stance on things gives me a new perspective at times.

Hello again Sweet. Seasons greetings to you and your family. Whelp as I toldyou before, I didn’t exactly see V4 and V5 as Ruby’s weakest seasons. On thecontrary, this squiggle meister hasthe opposite opinion in which I think that V6was Ruby’s weakest season (with the current V7 potentially becoming a closesecond) despite her enduring quite a bit of focus and development during that volume.

Although much didn’t happen for Ruby during V4 and V5, I personally didn’t mindit . While the title of RWBY says that the storycenters around the adventures of all four RWBY girls, I’ve always had the greater impression that Ruby was the mainheroine of the story.

This was evidenced by the fact thatshe was the first character to be introduced to us both in her originalcharacter trailer and the first episode of the series. Not to mention that for a good chunk of the Beacon Trilogy (V1-V3), you can say that much emphasis was based onRuby, often by her own peers which made her stand out compared to her oldermore experienced teammates.

Basically what I’m saying is thatfor half of RWBY’s narrative, Ruby had been a focal character. So when V4rolled up and we got an opportunity to focus on the JNR members for a change,particularly Ren and Nora, for me, I actually enjoyed it. I know some Ruby stansdidn’t like that Ruby’s time with JNR involved her receiving less focus as opposedto the rest of her team (who were the focal characters of their own plots whilethe team were divided during the first 2/3 of the Mistral Trilogy). But like Isaid, I didn’t mind it coming off the high of the Beacon Arc which, in myopinion, had a good amount of Ruby development to satisfy me long enough untilthe PLOT was ready to resume fleshing out what’s next to come for her story.

To me, my biggest gripe with V4 andV5 had less to do with that. As a matter of fact, I actually disagree withfolks on saying that Ruby did receive focus during those two seasons. What wasproblematic for me was what the PLOT—here go the CRWBY Writers at the time(Miles and Kerry) chose to focus on as part of Ruby’s story for the Mistral Trilogy.

During the Beacon Trilogy, Ruby’s arcwas her starting her journey to become a huntress and most of her story fromV1-V3 was about her training to live up to that aspiration of hers whilelearning to be a leader as part of a huntsmen team. It was an establishedaspect of Ruby’s story that remained pretty consistent until the conclusion ofthe Fall of Beacon.

However at the end of V3, the CRWBYWriters introduced this new element of intrigue to her character—her being aSilver Eyed Warrior. After the end of V3, I was hoping that the nextinstallment in Ruby’s development would’ve involved her unlocking the mysteriesof these mystical powers she alone seemed to possess, learning about its strangeorigins in connection to her mother and even Ozpin who seemed to be the onlyperson at the time who knew any info on the Silver Eyes, as revealed by QrowBranwen back during the finale of V3.

I thought Ruby learning aboutthe Silver Eyed Warriors and potentially starting her training to become a fullyrealized one was what the Writers’ had next in store for her story.

But rather than watching three seasonsof Ruby learning about the Silver Eyes, instead we spent two full seasons—V4and V5—feeling as if the PLOT had forgotten this new part of Ruby’s story asthey had her focusing on other things. 

At the time, I previously chocked upRuby’s lack of interest in learning more about her Silver Eyed heritage as her concentratingmore on the upcoming Battle of Haven and the acquirement of the Relic ofKnowledge since that was the main objective of the Mistral Arc at the time. Howeverthe more I thought about it, the more I started to think that it probably would’vebeen a better idea if the PLOT had spent more time providing the groundwork forthat side of Ruby’s story.

Even if it was as small as Ruby simply askingfor more information on who the Silver Eyed Warriors were, I would’vetaken that as opposed to having her not care about it at all for two seasons.Especially since it was tied to her relationship with her mother as well aswhat happens later in V6 after Maria Calavera’s debut. 

This also illustrates my biggestpeeve with the treatment of Maria. As much as I really, really like our veteran pocket abuelita,right now she feels like wasted potential.

The Writers had an opportunity tomake Maria a significant character in Ruby’s rise to Silver Eye status as theold lady is the first and only other Silver Eyed Warrior that Ruby has met inthe story thus far.

Instead, the PLOT practicallyrendered Maria’s character irrelevant bythe finale of V6 after rushing Ruby’squintessential ‘magnumopus’ moment with her Indomitablescene against the Leviathan Grimm.

They still had a chance to redeemthemselves by progressing Ruby’s relationship with Maria for this season. Butfor the second time since V4 and V5, the CRWBY Writers have once againabandoned focusing on building up Ruby as a Silver Eye in favour of forcing development onto another side of her character.

What do I mean by that, you might ask?

Back in V5, it was said that Ruby’s so-called‘problem’ was that she needed to learn hand to hand combat…in spite of her alleged ineptitude forhand to hand never being a key liability to her fighting style inprevious seasons. I mean yes we saw Ruby struggle without Crescent Rose duringher brief altercation with Mercury Black during the Vytal Festival back in V3however we’ve also had moments when Ruby was able to hold her own without theneed for her trademark weapon as shown back in her last fight against Torchwickand Neo in the same season.

So the Writers making the choice to alter that trait in Ruby’s character to suit the PLOTfor that respective season honestly came off as a minor retcon for our little red rose .A retconthat was ultimately made pointless bythe end of V5 entering V6 since Ruby was never seen using or even needing to use hand tohand combat ever again; making me ask the obvious of question of whythe Writers chose to have that be a point of focus for Ruby back in V5 sincethem dropping it a season later  madethat aspect of her story from the season before quite meaningless.

Now this squiggle meister is starting to get a weird sense of déjà vusince I’m seeing a similar pattern being repeated for Ruby’s character for V7only now it’s with her semblance.

While I understand that one’ssemblance is capable of evolving withtime and proper continuous training as mentioned by Ozpin back in V5, however Ican’t tell whether Harriet’s remark to Ruby in V7CH3 about “there being more to her semblance than sherealized” was an indicator that Ruby’s Petal Burst semblance might be evolvingwithout her realization or not.

I mean that could very well be thecase going on with Ruby. However instead I’m left feeling like it doesn’tmatter or that it’s not really that important since Ruby herself has been shown to notthink about it at all; in spite of characters like Harriet and later Oscar inCH6 pointing out that there is something different going on with her signaturesuperpower. 

Instead I’m left thinking that thewhole thing with Ruby’s semblance for V7 is just another example of the PLOT forcing attention onto another aspect ofRuby’s character that’s didn’t really need it.

Back in V5, hand to hand combat didn’tneed to be an obstacle Ruby needed to overcome since a) scythe-wielding has alwaysbeen her signature combat style since her introduction and most importantlyof all b) she never needed to learn hand to hand since it’s never been a  liability to her as a huntress in the line of combat prior to V5.

And now for V7, I’m seeing a similarthing with Ruby’s semblance seeming to be getting some focus but I’m leftfeeling confused by this choice since Ruby’s semblance had been consistent(mostly) for many seasons and honestly didn’t really need any focus at allsince I wasn’t expecting Ruby’s semblance to be developed moving forward.

I was expecting it to be her SilverEyes especially coming off of the end of V6. However it appears that onceagain, Ruby the Silver Eye plot thread has been dropped for yet another season whichunfortunately makes all of progress back in V6 (as small as it is) feel …well…kindof pointless.

Now the impression I’m left with, asa viewer and Ruby Stan, is that the CRWBY Writersdon’t have a clear blueprint or treatment for what Ruby’s Arc is supposed tobe.  While it’s evident that they do haveIDEAS for what they can do for Ruby’s story, a proper PLAN of how they intendto go about executing said ideas per season isn’t there and it SHOWS in the show.

Case in point, Ruby being a SilverEye. Despite presenting the allusion that Ruby being a Silver Eyed Warrior mightultimately play an important part in her story with Salem, the implementationof them building up that side of her story has not only been sloppily handled butit’s also been very fickle with how they flipflop with other things they claim to be important to Ruby’s development.

And as someone who was very excitedto see the progress of this stage of Ruby’s character, seeing the way the PLOThas been handling Ruby in that regard has been a disappointment. Nonetheless, inspite of the oddness in choices made for her writing, this squiggle meister still likes Ruby as our protagonist. She’s stillmy second all-time favourite RWBY character.

If anything, my feelings for Rubyironically match my other favourite character: Oscar—Still one of my favs howeverthe treatment of their side of the story within the series has been so questionable that it’s made it hard toremain invested in whatever the showrunners have planned for said character.Granted that there even is a clear plan which I’m left feeling like there isn’tone based on what I’ve seen so far. However, this is only my opinion.

If anyone reading through myresponse respectfully disagrees withme since they’ve been satisfied with Ruby’s story up until this point then that’sperfectly fine. Like I said, this is my stance onthis subject matter and I hope no one is offended byme taking it this way.

That being said, my verdict isn’tthat Ruby doesn’t receive a lot of focus compared to other characters. As I’vestated throughout my post, I think she receives a good amount as the leader ofour main four. It’s just what the PLOT decides to be the focal point of Ruby’sside of things and the execution of those ideas. This has been my issue withRuby for the past three volumes and even as we’re in V7, it’s unfortunatelystill a problem with the writing for her character for me.

It’s as I said. During the BeaconTrilogy, Ruby’s story was that she wanted to become a huntress to protectothers and a pivotal part of her arc back then was watching her grow into thatrole while proving herself in the eyes of other characters who either doubtedher abilities (such as Weiss) or rose to challenge her on her ideals (such as RomanTorchwick).

It was great watching Ruby grow intoher own as a huntress back in those early seasons because it was a stable part of her character writing that grew withevery season that followed the last.

It’s why I’m having issues followingRuby’s development into a Silver Eyed Warrior (or anything the PLOT has donewith her after V3). The consistency thatwas present with her development has been lost a bit and thus, I’m left feelinglost on what Ruby’s story moving forward is going to actually be.

This isn’t me trying to throw shadeat the Writers or the writing for RWBY in general. It’s just an issue that I’vebeen noticing over the past few seasons, especially since I did my full recapof the whole series last year in preparation for V6.

It’s an overarching issue that, forme, began a bit back during V4 until it was made more apparent by V5. While V6and V7 have shown improvements andsteps in a better direction for the series, unfortunately I’m still noticingthe same lingering problem that has impacted the overall treatment ofcharacters such as Ruby.

Don’t get me wrong. There has been plentyof material dropped by the last few volumes from which I can see the PLOTworking off of to further strengthen Ruby’s story and character. But just likeher treatment back during the Mistral Arc, I’m concerned for the execution of those said ideas and that’s where I mostlystand in that regard.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

[mattpitman]

The precipice.

Wow. What a week. 

I am not entirely sure where it was more chaotic, in my remote classroom or in the political arena. I gave my thoughts on all of that last week and I’m still very much in the same place. I’m feeling fortunate to live in Victoria, that is for sure. I can’t wait to stroll the busy streets of Melbourne again...

The chaos in the classroom is actually great though. The remote learning environment is a hive of activity. It has been well documented by many in the education sector that the energy and time commitment required of online/remote/continuous learning is substantially more than what many anticipated or had experienced in the classroom. But it’s also, so rewarding! 

There were days it used to feel like pulling teeth when asking for feedback, questions or concerns in the physical classroom, but online, it’s a rush of queries and challenging thoughts. Students are engaging with their content with an enthusiasm that I really didn’t anticipate, and the communication! Students are messaging and emailing ahead of time when they are unable to meet a specific task requirement and providing an alternative. Truly inspiring what can happen when you leave a young person to “fend” for themselves.

There are negatives of course. I am reminded of the distance every time I check in with my students via video conference, that the personal and social component is a large percentage of what makes teaching such a great profession. But while the social distance is substantial at the moment, it won’t be forever, and it will quickly change when it is appropriate and safe to return to schools. The pedagogy however, well that is a completely different story.

With all of this talk about going back to school, I find myself reflecting on this ongoing remote learning experience and how positive it has been for me personally. It has without a doubt changed the way I intend to teach when we return to the college grounds, and I am pretty excited about that. Rejuvenated perhaps is the right word. Much of what I have learned or intend to take back is probably old news, but it has energised me and that is what really counts.

With a looming date for the end of the State of Emergency in Victoria, I can’t help but think that we are on the precipice of great change again in education. This time it isn’t how - as in “how are we going to shift everything online in such a short period of time?”, but what - as in “what are we going to take back with us?”. 

I previously spoke about my experiences and reflected about my own re-working of practice and development of a model for my classes. Some of that is on this blog and also in a couple of LinkedIn articles (here: “You helped me. Thanks”, and here: “I watched my students learn from a distance. It was awesome”). I intend to keep my three lesson model when we return. Today though, I thought I would reflect on my biggest personal learnings and why I believe they will be held very tightly as I jump off this cliff and back into the physical teaching environment - whenever that may be.

1. Less instruction, more construction 

I see myself now as a facilitator, not a teacher. I do not belong at the front of the class as the “expert”. My primary role is to create an environment in which my students can become the experts. Online I don’t set tasks, I share tasks. Online I observe my students challenging, exploring and creating, while providing guidance and feedback where I can from a distance. I have said previously “put away your spoons, the students can feed themselves” and I meant it. Across this journey so far I’ve seen an increase in the quality of work from my strongest students to my lowest achievers, and to be honest those classifications mean nothing in the remote learning world. Where students have wanted to be involved, they have succeeded because this environmental change has supported their individuality.

Part of this I attribute to drastically reducing the amount of content rather than attempting to replicate and mimic the traditional classroom. I think all teachers facilitators would agree, that student feedback is some of the most meaningful. Especially, unprovoked feedback. A number of students have provided me with surprise thoughts, opinions and thanks across the last three weeks and it’s been incredibly meaningful and allowed me to be more productive in my role. They love the more focussed and reduced workload. They have time to work through the content and time to process its application to their world, rather than in service of an assessment task. The return to the physical classroom environment will be a drastic change to what has quickly become habitual, but I intend to maintain the quality over quantity mindset, freeing up time for discussion and conversation. Not all of the time allocated to the lesson has to be “on task”. Creativity, curiosity and critical thinking is not the stuff of textbook questions, it is more exploratory and I won’t be looking backward. 

Less instruction, more construction means less of my voice and more of theirs.

2. Blended, not mashed 

Technology and education have an interesting history. Sometimes it feels forced, other times it is a miracle classes were taught without it. This experience has demonstrated to me that my students are tech-savvy, but also select with the application of their abilities. Today’s young people thrive on choices. They are incredible when you want a video published on social media or a code written for gaming platform but when it comes to spreadsheets or word processing or conducting research on a fixed topic outside of that interest - they may be disengaged.

This experience has shown me the value of sharing a task and giving the students the room to engage with it. Technology used in this way is not forced or out of place, it is ingrained. This isn’t a PowerPoint to support a 40 minute lecture, it’s a recorded 5 minute video, followed by a research question, to formulate a response for the discussion forum and the basis for a class debate. I don’t envisage this classroom to have students in rows of chairs with books and pens. It’s students outside, in the hallway and on the floor, engaging with the content as they choose. This is taking the wins from the remote learning period and applying them to the strengths of the physical classroom.

This is not just lashing technology to the side of the lesson and hoping it stays attached. This is creating a lesson that is designed to give the students control of the pace and allow them to discover with more freedom.

Blended, not mashed means less information and more exploration.

3. Connection instead of direction

In my role as a House Leader it sometimes feels like I only contact parents and they only contact me with concerns or to schedule meetings and of course, at parent teacher interviews. Since moving to remote learning however, I have found that communication between parents, students and staff has been much more free flowing and spontaneous. Perhaps this is because many parents find themselves temporarily working from home also and the barrier of conflicting schedules has been removed. In any case, the level of parent, student and my own engagement is high. I love it.

While I would say I am fortunate to teach secondary education, and a lot of what I am talking about here is framed to that particular environment, the shared responsibility of parents, students and teachers in guiding a learner on their journey has never been more evident. Weekly updates of concepts, tasks and their application have been met with parent support and gratitude. Allowing those parents the intel they need to politely inquire or praise and congratulate their 17-18 year old child in the least intrusive manner possible. At my school we are currently in process of a 3-week parent-teacher interview cycle (via phone) and the conversations have reflected both the parents understanding that the learning is their child’s responsibility but the support is ours to share. Incredibly valuable and rewarding!

Connection instead of direction means less reporting and more supporting.

This is the precipice

Do we jump and be curious and adaptive? Or do we step backward and return to the safety of the land?

I don’t believe there is any long term benefit of returning to the “old way” of doing things. The short term comfort in going back to what we “used to do” will not last. It might be uncomfortable initially, but all forward thinking and future focused movements are slow, painful and challenging for individual's but, the rewards are potentially huge for whole communities.

Going back to a pre-corona model of education would be to the benefit and comfort of certain teachers only. Students would suffer. 

So it is time to consider why we got into this game and whether we are ready to continue changing it.

Will you jump with me?

This is the precipice.

Here’s a few things that have inspired me this past week as an educator and a leader:

Educator Perspectives on the Impact of COVID-19 on Teaching and Learning 

(https://www.linkedin.com/posts/mattlukepitman_pivot-state-of-education-2020-white-paper-activity-6661744495702474752-1in6)

Pivot Professional Learning along with Education Perfect ran a series of fantastic webinars this week, highlighting the incredible effort of educators across Australia and NZ. Pivot also, in a massive effort, collected a ton of data and has put together this report. Definitely worth a read, very insightful stuff.

Continuous Learning Toolkit Vol. II | Leading Through Crisis 

(https://www.linkedin.com/posts/mattlukepitman_continuous-learning-toolkit-volume-ii-activity-6661169533031723008-sP68)

I continue to be unashamed in how much I love their podcast, but a close second to that is The Game Changers (Adriano & Phil) Continuous Learning Toolkit. This second volume presents a number of innovative and game-changing schools, their models, frameworks and stories. For any aspiring Game Changer this is a must read!

Future Agendas for Global Education: Executive Summary 

(https://issuu.com/4796376/docs/gef.agenda_eng)

Sold to me as “an excellent report that should be read by every school leader and educational policy maker” this summary is a long read but an engaging and inspiring one. Worth your time if you have it and if you don’t, make some!