#this again?

[milfzatannaz]

wait are you and tisbe finally dating

no but we are in love

[sprite-real]

SIR? AGAIN WITH THIS DISNEY?? HUH??

Yeah Disney, not an otome game… Again.

[trahax]

I used to spend a lot of time on tumblr, writing about my life which ended up mostly being about academia and my raging eating disorder. I was here for the birth of the #actuallyed, #actuallyanorexia, etc tags and at some point had a surprisingly non-zero amount of followers. I do not expect anyone to remember me (I think everyone from that era is long gone) but I blogged mostly as @swallowing--stones and have long since lost the log-in information.

I deleted everything in 2017 (I think?) because it had become so tied to my real life via people who knew me from treatment as well as on tumblr that it wasn't a safe place to empty my thoughts anymore. And I was desperately trying to imagine myself without an eating disorder anyway.

I don't feel like typing up a life history, but here's a tl;dr:

I developed symptoms in 2011 and then refused all attempts at intervention until 2015, at which point I was quite ill and simply could not really function anymore and was scared that I would not be able to earn a PhD if I remained that sick.

I spent the next ~4.5 years in and out of hospitals and treatment programs. Constantly feeling like I was being disappeared from my own life whenever my weight got too low or labs were too far off or whatever.

I walked away from treatment entirely just before 2020. To do so, I purposefully waited until a moment when my weight was high enough and labs stable enough that I could not be legally held.

I have never achieved a period of remission or recovery.

Somehow I did earn my PhD and am now a postdoc, still as eating disordered as ever.

Basically, I just want a semi-anonymous place to maybe write about some of these things again. I don't know if there's still a community here of adults who are just trying to live despite illness (and who are not pro-ED or glorifying their illness) but I guess I'll find out.

[ifonlyweknewwhatiwasdoing]

It's a shame you're an okay author. I hate the fact that this has to even be said but fucking fandom please STOP SHIPPING OBI WAN AND ANAKIN ROMANTICALLY IT'S GROSS ANAKIN WAS NINE WHEN THEY FIRST MET AND OBI WAN 20 HE HAS TRAINED AND RAISED HIM AS HIS LITTLE BROTHER IF YOU SHIP THEM YOU ARE A WEIRDO THAT UNDERMINES THE VALUE OF FAMILIAL LOVE AND SUPPORT INCEST AND PEDOPHILIA STOP IT

Brah how long did it take you to make that account?

And was it worth it?

[owlpellet]

i thought my laptop was on its last leg because it was running at six billion degrees and using 100% disk space* at all times and then i turned off shadows and some other windows effects and it was immediately cured. i just did the same to my roommate's computer and its performance issues were also immediately cured. okay. i guess.

so i guess if you have creaky freezy windows 10/11 try searching "advanced system settings", go to performance settings, and uncheck "show shadows under windows" and anything else you don't want. hope that helps someone else.

*yes sorry i mean usage i posted this before bed :( i do not mean the hard drive is full aaaaghhhh

[theriverbeyond]

i must not get takeout. takeout is the wallet-killer. takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. i will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. when hunger is gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

[thinkingabout-girls]

40k note oli theorionsound

[lucidloving]

@roach-works // Melissa Broder, "Problem Area" // Mary Oliver, "The Return" // @annavonsyfert // Koyoharu Gotouge, Demon Slayer // Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance // David Levithan, How They Met and Other Stories // Tennessee Williams, Notebooks

[riacte]

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]

[anxiousangerball]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but

YOU DO NOT NEED TO START A NEW HOBBY!

STEP AWAY FROM THE TEXTILES!

YOU DON'T NEED MORE YARN!

THAT FABRIC IS NOT CALLING TO YOU! LEAVE IT ALONE!

[spaghetti4u]

Frankenstein and her monster

[donald-trump-official]

“The average US president has been charged with 1.54 felonies” factoid isn’t true. The average US President has been charged with 0 felonies. Donald trump, who has been charged with 71, is a statistical outlier and should not have been counted

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Expertise can't help you here.

[lasttarrasque]

[magentasnail]

served my duty as an autistic artist and made a bunch of autism creature reaction images

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

Suzanne Collins gripping my face with her hands: listen listen the first step to evil is dehumanisation, always, the second you start to see people as less than people no matter what they've done to you that's when you start heading down a path of selfish destruction and violence