#this has been stuck!! in my head since the 1st of december

[ahappyphjl]

rave time !!

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics Named After Months Masterlist

1st December (ao3) - LadyGrey1996

Summary: Dan and Phil have a very important task.

13-17 june 2015 (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Texts between Dan and Phil while Dan is filming in Sweden for an e-sports documentary.

19 October (ao3) - analester

Summary: dan and phil celebrate their anniversary

19 october (my heartbeat matches yours) (ao3) - natigail

Summary: First touches and moments.

It’s the same ten years later.

Well, almost.

19th of october (ao3) - starlight_kth

Summary: they fell in love in october, and 100 more

A Phantastic December (ao3) - NiniMeggie

Summary: December sure is a busy time of year. It seems like Dan and Phil have a new adventure every day. Somehow they find themselves in a whole host of holiday cliches as the days go by. This is stuff you'd normally do with the love of your life... Is that what these two men were? Both wanted it but neither knew how to go about telling the other.

April Fools (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Dan proposes an April Fools Day prank that he thinks will shock the Internet. But, when it comes time to share it with the world, Phil has second thoughts. There is something he needs to get off of his chest instead.

April Fools! (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan and Phil fake a relationship for a prank, but is it really a prank?

April Fools Fic (ao3) - Merrydith

Summary: This whole thing started out as a joke. Phil hadn’t meant any harm. He just wanted Dan to know that he could also pull a cheeky prank.

April Showers Bring May Flowers (ao3) - TsingaDark

Summary: It's pouring and Dan's stuck in front of the library, having forgotten to take a jacket or umbrella with him. The day gets instantaneously better, though, when his crush Phil seems to be stuck there with him.

August (ao3) - glowingatmosphere

Summary: When Dan returns home and meets up with his childhood friend Phil after they’ve finished their first year of uni, he notices that things between them are different. As they rekindle their friendship, Dan completely immerses himself in the new feelings that he’s developing for his best friend. But when Phil starts talking about another boy, Dan begins to wonder whether Phil was ever really his.

cold showers bring may flowers (ao3) - PhancyPhandom

Summary: lil fic featuring a half naked phil writhing around because it's too damn hot outside.

Come January (ao3) - YourEyesHoldTheGalaxy

Summary: It’s Christmas, Dan gets a sweater and Phil tells Dan some good news.

December 31, 2010 (ao3) - ReederJoe

Summary: New Year's Eve, 2010

December 2023 (ao3) - yikesola

Summary: December is filled with bonus podcasts he and Phil will be recording, amongst of course his regular podcasts due at their scheduled times, and then there’s all the holidays and all the while all the Everything. Dan’s tired just thinking about it. And before he can even open his mouth to complain he stops himself because he turns and sees Phil laying on the couch with his head in Dan’s lap, looking exhausted as well. He’s been run ragged at the print shop since the middle of November.

fools before april (ao3) - okaydoomer

Summary: April fools day 2023 was in a few weeks and Dan and Phil still weren't sure what they wanted to do.

You know what they ended up doing, so here's a short fic about how it might have happened.

Friday The 13th of October (ao3) - Spring_Haze

Summary: Phil surprises Dan after reading his boyfriend's suggestive tweet with regard to a hockey mask and a surprise male visitor in the night on Friday the 13th. Based on Daniel Howell's tweet on October 13, 2017.

It's September! (ao3) - tellsfromhale

Summary: Movement out of the corner of Dan’s eye caught his attention. He looked up from the computer he’d been typing away on, expecting to see Phil. What he wasn’t expecting to see was a skeleton looking back at him.

June 11th, 2020 (ao3) - sombernova

Summary: 2020 kinda sucks, but that isn't going to stop Phil from making Dan feel like the most important person in the world on his birthday.

june in january (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: It's Phil's birthday. You know how the rest of this goes.

June's good, but October... (ao3) - winstonlives

Summary: Phil really lets it all out for Dan's birthday present, literally and figuratively.

March 26th (ao3) - sorasventus

Summary: A very short, sad, Phan Oneshot

nineteenth october (2015 remix) (ao3) - snsk

Summary: "Happy six years. Spork." He went back to pouring the Coca-Cola into their mugs.

nineteenth october (2016 remix) (ao3) - snsk

Summary: “You do talk a lot of rubbish, Dan,” Phil told him, knocking his shoulder against his.

nineteenth october (2020 remix) (ao3) - snsk

Summary: The morning dawned cool and inevitable.

(TW) november. (ao3) - dylanowoah

Summary: he couldn't stop. he needed help.

October 19, 2009 (ao3) - krissyxlove

Summary: Two internet friends meet for the first time.

October Christmas (ao3) - phanhowlterstuff

Summary: Phil just loves Christmas too much, I guess

october in london, but scary (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: “Can’t believe living in London has gone from a few diseased pigeons to serial killers breaking into our house.”

“My concerns are valid,” Dan declares.

Dan and Phil get back from seeing Halloween.

october, over and over (ao3) - sader

Summary: it's that time of year again.

october to april (ao3) - dabiideviito

Summary: “Let’s get married,” he says, mildly surprised at the way his voice doesn’t even waver.

Dan pauses mid-click, hands hovering over his keyboard. He glances down at Phil, one eyebrow quirked up. “What, like today?”

that one sunday in january (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: “Nine hours, in one day." Phil stops groping himself and takes his trousers off, letting them pool on the ground by his jacket. "We could have done two days. There would have been butt recovery time."

"This is what I'm going to expose next," Dan says. He starts stripping, leaving his clothes on Phil's floor, too. "Your diva side."

the fourteenth of february is always cold (ao3) - graylane

Summary: it's Dan's first Valentine's Day without Phil.

the june video (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Dan posts “the June Video” as originally planned... in 2018, right in the middle of the Interactive Introverts tour.

The Sixteenth of April (ao3) - thesassykels66

Summary: Why does the month of April always seem so significant to Dan and Phil? Simple, it is when they celebrate their anniversary.

Winter Wishes (Late December with my heart in my chest and the clouds of my breath) (ao3) - Emejig16

Summary: Christmas is without a doubt Phil’s favorite time of year, and he’s convinced there’s something purely magical about the season. His festive feelings are only amplified when a little bit of Christmas magic brings he and Dan a little closer.

[sing-in-me-oh-muse]

Writer Highlight from Writers Sanctuary

Each month on Writers Sanctuary, a Discord server that nurtures writers of all kinds, highlights a writer and asks them questions about their writing process. This month's writer is Chai_ki!

@Chai_ki

Ao3 Profile: Chai_ki

Works:

Fervor Lullaby was fun to write and it honestly just flowed. I think that’s why I like it so much.

Can I Take Your Last Name was my first attempt at humor and I had a ton of fun writing it.

The Cadence of Leaves was my first multi-chapter fic and even though I haven’t posted in a while, I’m on track to finish it!

What is your writing process? How do you approach a fic or original work? (e.g. Are you a Pantser? Plotter? Do you focus on dialogue before description? etc.)

Pantser, now there's a great term! I would have to say that I am definitely more of a pantser but occasionally will try to plot. Most of the time I just write as things come and hope it all flows well. 😅A lot of my ideas come from music. I usually can imagine a scene in my head during a song and then that scene grows (if I'm lucky). Original works have been hard as I have a tendency to want to over-explain things and feel like I can't get the characters back stories across well enough. That's one of the reasons I love fan fiction, those reading already know the characters so I can just dive right into the story.

What was your first story and why did you finally decide to write?

Ooo this is hard. My first ever story was one about cats I think. It was in 1st or 2nd grade. I've had random other stories since then. My first Miraculous fic was titled "Affinity" and I first posted it on Amino. It's one I would like to rewrite (and finish) at some point, but I have a few other projects to finish first. I have always loved to write and as stated in answer 1, I struggle with over-explaining my characters. I fell in love with Miraculous and then found out there was this entire community of writers and realized I had found my version of heaven. That was in 2018 and since then writing for the fandom has been one of my most relaxing hobbies.

Where is your favorite place/time/conditions to write?

This one is easy, mostly. I can honestly write just about anywhere - so long as I don't have other responsibilities to attend to in the moment. I prefer to have music playing, usually it's songs that have inspired my current work, but I can write without it as well. So long as the ideas are flowing, I'm able to write!

What is your favorite pairing, platonic or romantic, and why?

Fandom specific would be the love square. I honestly can't really say why, I just know I adore them. I think a part of it is because I see bits of myself in each character, both in cannon and fanon. I also love the dynamic between Alya and Marinette. Alya reminds me of my best friend of 25 years in so many ways and I find I end up writing from personal experience with them. In terms of anything other than my own writing, I enjoy a variety of parings and ships and enjoy seeing how other creators bring them to life. (Not fandom specific I have a few parings that I'd consider an OTP, but that would make this answer way too long. 🤣)

Do you have any thematic elements you’re interested in or that consistently show up in your writing?

To be honest, I haven't thought much about themes in my writing. I suppose my main theme is cutesy love stories, friends being there for each other. Stuff like that. I'd love to get good at writing adventure or humor, but I'm not sure I'm there yet. I do have a WIP that is an adventure story. The prompt is a Goonies/National Treasure AU I was given in the MWG for December's event. I'm struggling with it, but I also enjoy the challenge. One of my favorite tropes is friends to lovers and I feel like I use that in every story I've posted so far.

How do you deal with writer's block?

Music. Just about everything comes back to music for me. Sometimes I get disheartened if I'm stuck but I've found that listening to music, be it a new song, band or old favorite always sparks something creative.

What do you do if you have too many ideas?

I feel as though that's a normal state of living for me. 😅At any given moment some idea for something is floating around in my mind. (Along with a constant radio of song.) If one idea really sparks an interest I will hyper fixate on it, otherwise they live in my head, rent free. Truthfully, I should be noting them down somewhere...

You said that Fervor Lullaby (which is adorable) was fun and easy to write because it "just flowed." How long did writing the one shot take in that flow tate, and have you ever been able to get back into it for any other pieces?

Thank you! 🥺 Fervor Lullaby took about 3 hours in total to write. I saw the prompt and the ideas just kept coming. Ironically this story didn't have a song to spark it though I found a very fitting one to go with it once it was done. Sadly, I haven't been able to get back that fast of a flow since then and IRL stuff has limited my writing time significantly over the last 6-ish months. I hope to get back into writing more now that things have slowed down a bit. Seeing other creators is always inspiring and I am grateful for the Miraculous community!

---

Join Writers Sanctuary today and sign up to be highlighted on Tumblr and the server!

[mayhem-moth]

SECOND OLD HORROR STORY (QUALITY MAY NOT BE GOOD)(MADE THIS FOR A CREATIVE WRITING ASSIGNMENT SEVERAL YEARS AGO)

April 1st 1980,

I have this dream every night, it always starts with an island. It has nothing but sand beaten by the sun with overlapping waves touching it. There is nothing on it, not even a single seashell or creature . Nothing but a single, huge willow tree looming above the island. nothing dared to go near it, nothing but the ship that passes by.

A ferry passes by full of people expecting a fun trip overseas, however, unaware of what's about to happen next.The captain suddenly jerks the boat in the direction of the island, in some type of trance. Everyone is confused. Why were they headed away from the current destination? Then everyone starts screaming once they realize their ultimate demise. They were going to crash. They stop screaming, for they died with the boat. Suddenly as if by the speed of light, the boat disappears.

That’s when I wake up in my bed, and I think no, am certain the same thing happened to my grandfather.

April 2nd 1980,

“It’s only for a couple of months,” said my grandfather. He had warm, blue eyes and a gentle smile. He also had thinning gray hair that had aged with time. He was a captain of a decently sized, black boat called the Lily. Named after grandma's favorite flower. He always loved exploring new islands with his crewmates, for he was determined to discover new, habitable land.

He’s been gone for six years, which is why I'm going to go on an expedition to find that mysterious island that was in my dreams all these years.

December 20th 1980,

It took several months, but I have finally found it! I can see the tree and the small barren island surrounding it. It definitely attracts you, much like the captain from my dreams, but I'm not going down like that, I'm going because of my own sheer will.

December 27th 1980,

I am on the island now. I have made my tent and campfire, and I should be able to live off of fish while i'm here, so far everything is turning out fine.

January 31st 1980,

I hear voices sometimes, they're very faint and I know they're not real. It’s just easy to get paranoid out here.

February 17th 1981,

I haven’t found grandpa. I don’t know what could have happened to him. His boat was one of the best in the world! I have a feeling that he's dead and the birds got to him or he’s floating in the ocean, but I don’t want to think like that… I’m not ready to.

April ,

The voices are louder but I know they're not real they couldn’t be… right?

June perhaps?,

I keep seeing eyes on the tree. I think i'm going insane… I know I should probably leave but not without grandpa… not when i’ve gotten so far. I’ve planned this ever since I found out he was missing.

Summer,

I keep hearing voices and seeing the eyes on the tree but better than I have before, and that's not a good thing! I keep hearing grandpa's voice now too! AM I GOING INSANE!?

Everything in my mind is all jumbled up and confusing. I just don’t understand… Why did it have to be this way? I can’t leave even if i wanted to know anyways, the boat disappeared and now i'm stuck here.

A warmer season,

I keep forgetting important things like my name, who I am, why I'm here. I don’t know how long it's going to be until i'm gone entirely.

A warmer time of the year,

I only remember what's in this journal. The journal keeps me the slightest bit myself.

A cold day,

The pages are gone! They are ripped out! Gone!

Another cold day,

I don’t remember anything anymore, the only thing I could hold onto was my name on the front cover “ Harold”.

Very cold,

IT'S THE TREES FAULT!! THE TREE TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME!!! WITH ITS BEADY EYES AND MOCKING VOICES!! I'M CHOPPING THAT THING DOWN TONIGHT!!!

Nighttime,

I couldn’t kill it… it won’t let me… the axe is broken instead of the tree… It should have been the tree…

Too cold,

The eyes keep staring… mocking me with their voices… The voices…

Warmer,

The tree, the tree, the tree, the tree, the tree, the tree, the tree, the tree, the tree

???,

MERCY

???,

PLEASE

help

[27songwriter]

Hoping The World Can’t Forget Loving Christine McVie

Music listeners everywhere mourned the loss of Fleetwood Mac’s Christine McVie on the 1st of December, 2022. Losing the British songstress came as a real shock. No one could have anticipated illness to take her away from us seemingly without warning. Beyond unfair, we have lost one of the greatest songwriters in rock and roll, not to mention a heavenly recording artist and performer.

McVie should be remembered first and foremost as a songstress. Hits written solely by McVie contributed significantly to the cosmic success of Fleetwood Mac over the decades. To her credit, McVie wrote the majority of songs on the bands’ biggest-selling albums, starting with 1975’s eponymous album Fleetwood Mac. In it, McVie gave the band Warm Ways, Over My Head, Say You Love Me and Sugar Daddy. On 1977’s Rumors, McVie wrote or co-wrote, and performed, Don’t Stop, Oh Daddy, You Make Loving Fun and (my all-time favorite) Songbird. She also contributed to writing The Chain. Her contributions to the band’s output continued album after album, with over a dozen more songs written by McVie and given to the band’s anthology, such as Over and Over, Everywhere, You and I Part II, and Little Lies.

Outside of Fleetwood Mac, Ms. McVie wrote and released several studio albums, and released the chart-topping 1984 hit song Got a Hold on Me, which dominated the Billboard Adult Contemporary and Rock Tracks charts.

The United Nations has published a statement of 30 intrinsic human rights. Each of the 30 articles was published in 1948, following the atrocities of World War II. The 27th Article from the United Nation’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights reads:

1. Everyone has the right freely to participate in the cultural life of the community, to enjoy the arts and to share in scientific advancement and its benefits.

2. Everyone has the right to the protection of the moral and material interests resulting from any scientific, literary or artistic production of which he is the author.

Human Rights includes both the right to artistic expression, as well as unrestricted access of the artist to the moral and materials interests her creations have garnered. This is an intrinsic part of Rock and Roll. Our culture can’t afford to diminish McVie’s contributions or allow them to go unmentioned. They must be continuously held up and talked about so long as Fleetwood Mac’s hits please our heads and hearts.

We, the enthusiastic music consumers, have enjoyed a long run of polished rock-and-roll acts. The megastar bands whose stellar lead vocals are matched by highly-trained rhythm and strings, et al. Whether thrown together by fate or my music moguls, the stadium-fillers have wooed the American music markets continuously since the 1970’s. While Fleetwood Mac will always be one of our all-time favorite rushes, let us give a special mention always to the original, resident goddess of their clan, Ms. Christine McVie who has now passed through this lifetime, but who has also left us a legacy to cherish and raise the next generation with.

The influence of McVie has been felt everywhere radios have played since 1975. Losing her is like losing a very warm feeling you’ve been able to tap into for years.

When I was fourteen, my mother played Fleetwood Mac The Greatest Hits album on cassette in our family’s minivan, for about a year. She claimed it was stuck inside the machine. The trip to and from my school took one hour. How I remember enjoying all of those 16 Fleetwood Mac songs. I never tried ejecting my mother’s tape, and I learned all of the songs by heart. McVie’s dignity resonates in her voice. Her music always captivated my attention.

Even failing to write something about what McVie meant to me, personally, would have felt like a discourtesy on my part. I am calling upon every fan to say a little something, publicly, about the great Christine McVie. Put her words and music to your lips and fingers and feet, and do something outlandish and public in her memory.

[pwblogarchive]

November 2001

November 23, 2001

“this is rocknroll”

so this is the start.

it’s late.

this should turn out to be a documentation of the life of arma angelus. i’ll update it from the road and what not. or maybe it will be just a big waste of time- we’ll see.

i feel like i should do a first post type thing. unfortunately i can’t think of anything so bright or witty.

i’m going to midnight movies right now- i will do a real post later on…

welcome to five ruined lives.

love- pete

November 24, 2001

“the beginning” 

so the midnight movie did not happen. my friends dropped me off to spend a night hidden behind the monitor.

i feel like this is a good time to explain some of my thoughts on these journals. i sometimes feel like they fit into the whole “reality craze”- everyone wanting fame for nothing. the degradation of our lives. we want to see what is behind someone else’s door. we want to buy the dream that anyone can “live the life”. to me this is a waste-

“you thought you knew but you have no idea”- ultimately this is not how i hope this appears. there are certain constraints rythmically and melodically to the expression of ideas in music. hopefully this journal can serve to fill in the blanks. that is the point of this.

well. thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. i was supposed to go out to syracuse and spend it with my friends. that didn’t happen. i am pretty depressed about it. chalk up another missed opportunity- “regret will always get you in the end”. our record won’t be out until december due to an error in the printing. but we’ll have some at our record release show. i’m pretty stoked, we’re practicing for it this weekend. we’ll be out on the east coast with throwdown/bleeding through around new years this year. it should be fun, we’ve been friends since racetraitor. we’ll be playing some new jams so look out. i hope to get some new lyrics up here soon.until then go check out the rumors at www.superherohq.com and buy an eXc dvd…

it couldn’t have been written better: you love to hate us, we love to hate you…

petey

November 26, 2001

“grand failure anthems”

what a weekend. i made it out to the local showcase and was quite impressed. it was great to see the guys from 7angels again after touring with them. watching jared play drums is insane. i guess adam did an interview for the canadian metal magazine Unrestrained which is pretty cool since they sell it at borders and stuff so keep an eye out for it. i think i might have passed out 300 samplers this weekend and we still have a ton more, the box is like neverending. tommorrow i’m going to post the lyrics to three new songs. they are of a bit of a different nature- they are kind of a progressive narrative. it just tells the story of this relationship i have been stuck in and out of- far more personal than the full length so i hope everybody doesn’t hate them or whatever. Also in Arma Angelus Army news, we’re goingto doa massive mailing of stuff next week so watch yur mailbox. we hae a new shirt design in, fresh gear for all the girls and boys. we also bought armaangelus.com- so that should be up shortly. today i’m listening to “Thriller” and wondering when they are going to make regular coke with the lemon in it. i’m waiting… Pete

November 27, 2001

“We are the story of love gone wrong…”

here’s the new lyrics… i feel like i should explain them but then again does anyone care? record release here on dec. 1st- today my friend told me some stuff am getting for christmas. yep- good stuff.

THE ARCHITECT,THE ARSONIST

With a focus and a resolve that will not slip I fall tonight. I feel content for the first time- with a look you melt me. with a word I vow to not lie forever in such dissemblance. to not lie forever in my own arms. my flesh has never felt so ill- as though one thousand insects swarm it- longing for your embrace for your gaze to steal me away from the shadows and burdens of this world. rest my troubled head in your hands. I only hope this moment is not passing. My heart That has never felt so full- nor ever thought it would has fallen from security- Has fallen so surely. Can I rest on the promise of your name on my lips. Your wings guard my sleep. As though I was never alone at all. As though my heart beats only for you. If I could steal the way you look at me I would lie in that feeling forever

and fall for you.

DEATH TO THE LAST ROMANTIC

As I lie here in the company of none but desperation. I?m dying for you to press your lips against mine and adorn them with romance. Adorn them with disaster and hopelessness upon hopelessness. Please just lay here beside me forever. I?ll sing you this song just one more time. For the brokenhearted. For the loveless. Yet I only wish that such words would compel belief and mandate love from you. I only wish for wings that were not broken. I swear to god I?ll save a smile for you in hell. I swear to god that the words ?I love you? are my last breath. When I?m gone close your eyes and imagine me the person I always wished I was. I watched it all end when she said ?pretty girls make graves?. One more time- I?ll sing this song just one more time for the broken hearted- for the loveless. For you.

SWITCHBLADE LOVE AFFAIR

Another town, another night away- and I swear to god I?ll lay it all to waste. I?m just another broken heart on your stereo. So turn the volume high because the world?s not waiting for five ruined lives. Lonely quarters for broken phones to tell her how she broke me like a twenty on a pack of smokes. we?re talking to ourselves- our wasted and empty arms dying to hold anyone. Dying to not be alone. send a rusted postcard back home, just so someone cares I?m gone. Dear, can you smell the contempt on my breath? Accomplice of my stolen breath- accomplice of a ruined man. I?ll die hidden behind a pen. because ?regret will always get you in the end?-we are the story of love gone wrong.

November 29, 2001

damn. American Nightmare is so good. i only wish that wes could get more than like three words into the mic a show- it only heightens the fact that he uses multiple tracks to fit them in on the record. so that part is pretty wack. but damn- that guy is a maniac and the lyrics are soooo good.

I passed out like 400 samplers last night at the show. so hopefully all those kids will comeand rock out on saturday. i have a super big weekend coming up-friday Fallout Boy is playing at western. then saturday is our record release here and sunday i cleavland with pretty much the same bands. word.

i’ve gotten a couple of emails about this journal and all and i just wanted to tell everybody to feel free to interact on here- it’s for everybody. you can even be anonymous if you like.

i’m out to go and look for a job i guess. my dad woke me up at seven to tell me this, i was like SIKE!

alright…

-p

[alexander-deserves-to-die]

Hoboken 2007

How can I begin to relate this?

There are many things that have become important in my life, among them My Chemical Romance, but I couldn't talk about my love for mcr without mentioning what originated it; Frerard.

There is something called "seasonal depression" which basically refers to feelings of deep sadness and melancholy that occur only at specific times of the year; We could say that the clearest examples of this are the depression at the end and beginning of the year. In my experience since I have been dealing with these types of feelings, the depressions at the end and beginning of the year have something that makes them special.

It's the sweetest pain I know. And something that has happened to me since 2020 is that this mood has been present since November and I have only noticed the unconscious transition of this twice; last year and this year.

What does this have to do with MCR, the frerard and the 2007 hoboken?

This year, during the depression at the beginning of the year, I discovered Frerard (you must imagine that that was a mess), I saw the complete Frerard theory and there was something that stuck in my head; when Frank during I'm Not Okay in Hoboken 2007 replaced "Trust Me" with "Lie to Me" while watching Gee. I have the image of the Christmas tree that January 5th with Frank's voice saying "Lie to me" in my head over and over again. That's why I relate the "Know that I will...", the "I'm sorry-I know" and the rest of the things to the melancholy of those months. December 2022 was one of the worst and most beautiful months of my life. This year, to be more specific, on November 1st I stayed up late again until I saw the sun rise, and I felt the emotional change at the precise moment in which TBPisDead! ended and Hoboken 2007  began.

Going that concert from being a "paquetaxo" of frerard to a reference of winter melancholy to me.

-xoalx

[heaven-s-black-box]

Royal Screw up- The Heiress Finale

Return to File

Recovery date: December 26th, 2019

Description: Prompt by _writing_ideas_ on IG:  When an enemy kingdom attacks and takes over the castle, the princess flees with only her lady-in-waiting and her personal guard. Together, the three of them plot a way to take revenge on those that destroyed their lives. Because the enemy king and queen murdered their families, they will murder the enemy royal heirs. The lady-in-waiting, skilled with herbs, will become a healer at the castle and find a way to poison the 2nd heir. The personal guard will become a knight and make a fatal ‘mistake’ during combat training with the 3rd heir. Finally, the princess will take the identity of the daughter of a foreign noble and court the 1st heir, getting close enough to kill them. The plan goes remarkably well- until each of the three grows to like their target.(Some changes were made)

Notes: Content warning for referenced homophbia? Truely an early research project... No idea what i was thinking

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Word count: 512

Back to directory

It was the night before Ozaki and Akiko’s wedding, as they lay in bed together Akiko thought back to her conversation this morning. Akiko, Osamu, and Atsushi had met up before dawn this morning. They decided that they should kill the heirs and heiress today, before the wedding. Although while going over the plans everyone had seemed unsure of themselves. By now the other two should be dead, Atsushi should have poisoned Ryunoske, and Osamu should have ‘accidentally’ killed Chuuya. Their bodies wouldn’t be found until morning, long after the killers had fled. 

She turned over to look at Ozaki, she had long since dropped her guard around Akiko. She’d opened up about how while Chuuya was her biological younger brother, Ryunoske was not and he had a sister of his own. Gin was actually the head of the military in their kingdom and had no wish to be considered an heiress. The kings had adopted the four of them from the rubble of their village which had been destroyed years prior.

Akiko quietly reached into her drawer, missing how Ozaki shifted. As Akiko carefully straddled Ozaki, she raised the knife up above her heart. Just before she brought it down Ozaki opened her eyes, grabbed Akiko’s wrists and flipped them pining Akiko down. The lighting was horrible, but Akiko could see the stern look on Ozaki’s face.

“Your welcome,” Ozaki said sitting back and letting go of Akiko’s wrists.

“For what,” Akiko sneered sitting up,” killing my family?”

“Yes,” the look of shock on Akiko’s face almost made Ozaki laugh,” Kyouka is almost like a little sister to me. She mentioned a kingdom so cold and traditional that the princess herself was forced to lie to herself. So, miss.Akiko we decided to burn them to the ground.”

“You didn’t have to kill so many innocents,” she raised her voice and pushed Ozaki down.

“Maybe so,” she reached up and brushed Akiko’s hair behind her ear,” but this world has no room for closed minded stuck up assholes. And it’s not like you and your other two friends tried to save anyone.”

Akiko was shaking by now, whether it was with rage, fear, or something else she wasn’t sure. Would Ozaki turn them in, would she kill her here and now.

“My brothers have probably told the other two by now. I have no doubt they’ll take our offer, they’re they are after all head over heels for my brothers. But I’m not entirely sure how you feel. So, will you stay and marry me? Or will you kill me?”

“What? Your not going to turn me in?” Ozaki shook her head softley.

“Then if you’ll still have me… I’d like to marry you.”

“In that case miss.Akiko I look forward to having you by my side. For now. And forever.”

With that Akiko rolled off her and Ozaki turned to face her. That night for the first time in a long time Akiko slept with no fears, and she knew that she’d sleep this well for the foreseeable future.

[autixel]

A little something special about this one :3 I haven't shared it with the club yet, so until the 1st of December it's a Tumblr exclusive >:3

Baked Archives part 4. A Shot in the Dark. Does include violence, be warned

The streets were dark. It was quiet too. The brick felt slightly uncomfortable against my heavy boots. The only sounds I could hear were from me. Maybe this would finally be an easy night. My cooled down almond slurry in hand, I walk down an alleyway. This was the quickest way to the club. Tonight I wouldn’t be busting anyone. They know it, I know it, even my boss knows about it. Lunar beginnings were a day to relax. Every new moon I go down to the “Salon De La Ville”, and play a couple games of pool. I finished off my slurry, and threw it in a dumpster not far away. In my messenger bag, it held a dark paper mask that was in the likeness of a bear. Blue swirls accented the dead tree pulp. I placed it around my head. Tying the black ribbon in the same way I’ve always done. It was common courtesy to wear a mask. It was also common to go by a different name, it’s been so long since I told my disguised name, that it no longer exists to me, and I do not remember it. At one point I was called “Soldat aux voleurs”, which translates to “Soldier of thieves”. Some just call me “Soldat”, that name stuck.

I reach the end of the alley, I knock in a pattern of one quarter, a triplet, then two quarter notes. The door opens after a click sound. They’ve added a lock. A large brioche stands at the door. He recognizes me, and stands to the side. The smoke hits me almost instantly. Tobacco stinking up the room. It gets worse as I go through the maze-like building. I pass various pastries either smoking or engaging in romance. Finally I got to the senior office. I knock the same pattern as before. The door opens and I am let in by one of the senior’s attendants. The attendant swiftly leaves. On a large leather armchair is the senior macaron. He’s become a sort of friend from all the time we’ve played pool together. He greets me,

“Ah, Soldat, Welcome back. Good to see you.”

“Good to see you too, Senior.”

"How many times do I have to say, you can call me Julien. It's fine."

"You know that’s never going to happen. but anyway, ready for a game? No slops, as usual.”

“Of course.”

He gets up from his throne. I wait until he has reached me. When he has, I walk with him. He has a cane he has to walk with, so I have to walk slower around him. We talk about some things that don’t matter. It’s an unspoken rule that we don’t talk about our lives, he doesn’t ask me about my cases, I don’t ask about his crimes. Before we get to the door, he says,

“Oh, I almost forgot.”

He hobbles over to a cabinet, opens a door, and pulls out his mask. It is in the likeness of a cougar. I walk over to him, he hands the mask to me, and I tie it on. The usual formal and clean knot.

“Now we’re ready.”

I open the door, and we walk to a secret hallway. We always go this way to remind the club-goers that he is the big boss. Soon enough we reached the entry point for the balcony. I stay behind, and Julien goes up to the railing. He says a greeting to the population, I tune it out. When he leaves the railing I focus back into reality. He looks up to me,

“Ready to lose?”

“I bet that it’ll be just one more tally for me.”

He lets out a laugh.

“You wish, kiddo.”

“You’re only a couple years older than me, you know.”

He scoffed at me.

“Yeah, yeah.”

After a couple more minutes of walking, we reached the pool area. A smirk forms on Julien’s lips.

“Let’s hope they got the rack right this time.”

“That won’t be a problem. This time I’ll do it.”

I grab the balls from the pockets and put them on the table. I grab the triangle rack from a compartment for the racks. I put a vertex of the triangle on the foot spot on the table. I distribute all of the balls equally. The eight ball in the center, a stripe on the left corner, a solid on the right. I remove the rack. I grab a cue, and some chalk, after both of our cues has been chalked, I ask,

“Would you like to break?”

“Sure, why not.”

He moves to the head of the table, grabs the white cue ball, and places it perfectly in the center at the head spot. He leans down, lines up the cue at the center of the ball, and with a straight-forward motion, he breaks the triangle. No balls went into any of the pockets, so the table is open. Currently 15 is lined up near perfectly with 6 in a way that if I hit six just right, 15 goes into a pocket. And I get stripes. So I call it,

“6, it hits 15, fifteen goes into that corner pocket.”

I point to the pocket I want the ball to go into. I have no need to get professional right now, so I am playing a simpler move. I lean down, place my hand onto the table, I line up the cue with the cue ball in the precise way I want it to. And I shoot. The 6 hits the 15, and the 15 ball goes into the corner pocket. Exactly how I said it would. Julien goes over to the middle of one side. He’s going for the six. An easy shot, but right now, neither of us feel the need to be flashy.

“6, corner pocket.”

One fire later, and the six goes into the pocket. I could do some more simple shots, but now I give a little effort.

“12, center pocket, 9, corner pocket.”

That was a risk, but a risk I’m willing to take. 9 was on the walls, and it’s irritating at times to get a ball on the walls. Luckily I could make that shot, no problem.

I got to the foot of the table. I aimed, and shot. And I made it.

Julien went up to the cue ball.

“4, corner pocket. Unlike you, Soldat, I don’t feel particularly competitive today.”

The 4 goes into the corner pocket. Now I feel like a show-off. I want a trickier game, but Julien does not think so. To hell with him. The cue ball is in a place where if I hit the 13 I could hit the 5, the 5 will bounce off the wall, and hit the 10 into a center pocket. That required skill, and it was skill I had. I decided to call it.

“13, hits 5, 5 bounces off the wall, hits 10, 10 goes into the center pocket.”

Julien chuckles to himself. I take the shot. I made it into the center pocket.

“Wow, Soldat, didn’t know that you had it in you.”

“That’s a lie, I’ve done riskier shots than this.”

“I know, I know.”

A shadow lurks out of the corner of my eye. I tense up out of instinct, and I grab my shooter subconsciously. I realize what I’m doing and I relax, and I look back to Julien.

“Soldat, I have to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“There is a plot from one of the middle organizations to end me. They’re trying to create a power void to take over. I want you to know this so that you can stop it from a law perspective.”

“How in Solis could I do that? I can’t just take my team and go off onto a presumed kill operation. I could get fired for that. If I tell my boss, she’d question me on the spot, and then I’d get fired for just playing pool here.”

He thought about what I said.

“Well, I think you don’t know how much a mafia boss can do. I know about you, and your team. Your team is stronger than you think. Keep faith in them. It seems simple, but trust me, your inferiors are stronger than you know.”

“Fine. I’ll see what I can do. However, if it doesn’t work-”

I was cut off by Julien.

“Yes, Soldat, I’ll give you compensation for your team and your time. Even the ones who survive. How about, 10,000 rations, some top shot rock bags, a top quality shooter, a new house, and a guaranteed job within my business should you be fired. I just want to live, you understand?”

“I get it.”

“Good. Now back to the game.”

We played more, and I thought about his offer. What did I really have to lose? Revolution was about to happen anyways, what’s wrong with trying to save my skin? I came up with nothing. Nothing was wrong with self-preservation. Hours passed. We played a few games, but after the offer, neither of us were really into it. The sky was lightening, and I had made a decision. It honestly wasn’t a good idea since I hadn’t slept for about 24 hours. So I said to Julien,

“Alright, I’ve thought about your offer. I’ll do it.”

“Glad your reputation still holds. Thank you, Soldat.”

“Of course, Julien.”

Julien laughs, and continues laughing for about two minutes. The room felt much lighter as he laughed.

Shadows flicked. Not just the one i had seen before, but now five. I heard the twang of a shooter, and I instantly grabbed Julien and covered him.

“What’s going on?”

He said that in an almost yelling way.

“Probably the plot.”

A flicker of light, or lack thereof appeared in my eye. A few seconds, and the lights went off entirely. Panic shrieked around the entire club. This didn’t feel like a police move, so my likely guess earlier was probably right. I felt Julien slip away from my grasp and I quickly began grabbing at his clothing, whatever I could. I felt slashes on my arms, tearing clean through my clothes, and into my skin. I resisted the urge to let go, I couldn’t, not like this. A calm voice in an unknown language spoke to me. I didn’t know what it said, but it was in bread, and I knew what it meant.

“Let him go, or I’ll kill him.”

I loosened my grip, and dropped my hands.

The bread assassin spoke in a prompting manner, Julien seemed to understand, and he said,

“They want you to go, I’ll be okay, find me in the bread country. I’ve got this.”

I was starting to freak out a little, how could I let my friend just be taken away like this, and I could be so helpless.

“Stay alive, Julien, I won’t forget.”

“I know you won’t, Soldat.”

I suddenly felt the room get colder. Not physically colder, but emotionally. The lights flashed on in such a bright way I had to shut my eyes. When I opened them, I truly confirmed what happened. Julien was gone.

The club was too.

I was alone.

The bar wasn’t far away, I walked over to it, and somehow it held some illegal spirits. Of course it did, this was a club, for criminals, no brainer.

One of the bottles was imported from the bread country, a mix of yeast and almonds, fermented over 50 years. Wow. That was just a bit more than 3 full generations of any kind of pastry. I took the bottle, and I walked out through the front door. Bread country, huh? I guess I got a date.

[itsadamcole]

bet pt. 2

fem!reader x adam cole

Reader and Adam come face to face after six months apart at Survivor Series ... “please, forgive me”

word count: 3.4k+

warnings: smut, angst, a lil bit fluffy

— hey hey, here’s part 2 of the short adam cole series .... on a side note, i’ve really been in the holiday spirit so i’ve started writing some christmas / fluffmas imagines ... the first two are scheduled to be posted december 1st and 2nd —

masterlist || part 1 || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

Survivor Series. The day you've been dreading for six months since you left Adam.

Six months ago, you walked out on the best and the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Six months ago, you lost a piece of yourself and turned to sleeping with your best friend, Tyler Breeze, just to fill that void.

But it's not filled. It'll never be filled. So you stopped about a month ago, and Tyler now has a girlfriend so nothing's weird between you two.

You've never gone back to Adam. It's taken everything in you to stay away from him. You've barely spoken to him in six months, but since he's NXT Champion and you're Raw Women's Champion, you both have matches at Survivor Series.

You sit in your dressing room, scared to leave. Scared to run into Adam or one of the Undisputed Era boys. It's your worst nightmare.

"Y/N! You're on in five minutes!" someone calls through your door.

Sighing, you get up and grab your title, throwing it over your shoulder. With your anxiety rising, you leave the room.

You don't know what you'll do if you see Adam. It's been so long and he's probably moved on. You haven't, but you've tried.

Once backstage, you stretch out. Your opponents, Smackdown Women's Champion Sasha Banks and NXT Women's Champion Io Shirai, into the small room.

"Hey, girlie," Sasha says. "You have an audience in catering."

You sigh and say, "If it's Adam then I don't care."

Sasha says, "Y/N, come on. I've told you before. That man is head over heels for you. Maybe the beginning was a lie or a bet or whatever it was but he truly loved you. I saw it. We all did."

Your music hits and you say, "I can't talk about this right now, Sasha. I have a match to focus on."

You make your entrance, forcing a smile onto your face as you step into the ring.

****

Adam's POV

She looks beautiful in her dark red gear. It's my favorite ring gear that she owns. It sparkles but is dark at the same time. Definitely her two personalities mixing together.

I miss her like hell. I haven't been able to move on from her. It's been six months and I'm still infatuated with her. I love her. I've loved her for so long. It pains me to see her. Rumor has it that she's seeing her friend, Tyler.

I stand in catering to watch her as the match begins. My match is next and I know they'll call me back any minute and I'll come face-to-face with her when she walks through those curtains.

She's distracted by something. Her footing is off and she's not selling moves like she usually does. Maybe Sasha told her she saw me in catering. I told her I was going to watch Y/N here on the TV.

"Yo, Cole," Kyle says, clapping me on the back. "Your match with Drew and Roman is next. Let's head backstage."

I say, "Yeah, okay." I leave the TV and walk backstage with Kyle, Roddy, and Bobby.

We get backstage and I see there is a TV. I watch it.

Roderick says, "Talk to her after your match. I know that you've been wanting to talk to her."

I sigh and say, "She doesn't want to talk to me. She doesn't even want to see me, Roddy. There's no point."

Bobby says, "You should still try instead of sulking."

I look over at Bobby and say, "She left me, Bobby. If she wanted to talk to me then she would have already." I'm starting to get heated.

Kyle says, "Adam, bro, calm down."

"You want me to calm down? Seriously?" I say, my voice rising. "You three are the reason I'm in this mess. You three came up with the bet and I accepted it because I was drunk and secretly was crushing on Y/N. I never should have accepted it because I fell in love with her and now she's fucking gone! I can't live without her, and the only reason I'm still in this damn company is because of the title around my waist. There's nothing else for me here because she's gone!"

What I didn't know was that Y/N's match ended and she came through the curtains in the backstage area with Sasha and Io. The guys were all looking behind me and that's when I realized she was standing right behind me, listening to every word.

****

Your POV

As you walk backstage, you can hear someone shouting.

"... I was drunk and secretly was crushing on Y/N. I never should have accepted it because I fell in love with her and now she's fucking gone! I can't live without her, and the only reason I'm still in this damn company is because of the title around my waist. There's nothing else for me here because she's gone!"

The voice is Adam's. He's shouting at the guys. You've never once heard him raise his voice at anyone, not unless it was important or serious.

You stand backstage with Sasha when Adam turns around and he sees you. His title is secured around his waist and he's wearing his black and gold gear with his Undisputed Era t-shirt.

There's nothing else for me here because she's gone. Those words stuck with you. If it wasn't for that title around his waist, he probably would have left WWE and gone to work with Ring of Honor again or maybe even AEW.

Drew McIntyre and Roman Reigns come backstage at this moment. The tension between everyone in the room is thick. Drew and Roman realize this and ask to make their entrances first.

Right before Adam makes his entrance, you rush out of the backstage room. Sasha right on your heels.

Tears have started running down your cheeks. You get to your locker room and throw your title on the couch.

Your win tonight means nothing anymore. It doesn't matter that you won. Your happiness was swept away when you heard Adam ranting to the guys about you. Six months later and he's still trying to defend his lies.

He'd have left WWE if it wasn't for that title he's managed to hold for two and a half years. It's the only reason he's still in WWE.

You start to throw things around the locker room. You're upset, you're angry, and most of all, you're frustrated. Even after finding out about the bet and after he lied to get you to sleep with him, you still love him. Six months later you still love him. After everything, you'd go back to him.

Sasha grabs your wrists and says, "Y/N. Y/N, stop it. Please. Before you hurt yourself or break something super expensive."

You look at your best friend and cry, "Why do I still love him even after he lied to me? Why would I drop everything and go back to him if he asked me to? Why would I take him back?"

"Because deep down you know that he never lied to you," Sasha says. "You know that he actually loves you and it wasn't for some stupid bet he made with his friends. Love is crazy and makes us do crazy things."

You sniff and wipe away your tears. "Can we get out of here? I don't want to be here when his match is done because I know he'll want to come looking for me," you ask.

Sasha nods and says, "Of course. Get changed and we'll head back to the hotel."

You nod and change out of your ring gear and into your street clothes. You let Sasha borrow some extra clothes you had so the two of you can leave as soon as you're changed.

****

Back in the safety of your hotel room, you order room service and watch Grey's Anatomy on Netflix as you lay in bed.

There's a knock on your door at around midnight. You think it's Sasha coming to return the clothes she borrowed earlier so you answer the door.

It's not Sasha at your door. It's Adam Cole.

"What?" you ask. "It's late."

Adam says, "I looked for you after my match. I wanted to talk about what you heard."

You say, "I don't blame you for wanting to leave WWE since I left. I'd want to do the same thing if I was you."

He says, "I tried to leave the company. A few weeks after you left, I went to Regal and Triple H to get them to let me go. I was ready to drop my title just to leave the company but they convinced me to stay."

You look at Adam as he talks. This is going to be a long conversation so once he's done talking, you say, "Come inside, Adam. We can keep talking inside." You move to the side and he walks inside.

Closing the door, Adam says, "I get why you left. I lied to you a few times at the start but within two weeks, I called off the bet."

"Adam," you say.

He shakes his head and he says, "Let me explain."

You sit on the bed and look at him. "So explain," you say.

Adam walks and stands in front of you. He says, "The night of the bet, the four of us got drunk. We drank a lot and we started talking about relationships. I mentioned to them that I had a little thing for you and that's when Bobby came up with the bet. He said that there was no way that I'd be able to get you into bed. Kyle and Roddy joined his side. I accepted the bet because I was drunk and liked you for some time. I was the only single guy in the Undisputed Era. But, like the dumbass I am, I took it a step further and started a relationship. Two weeks after the relationship started, I completely called off the bet because you meant so much more to me than a stupid bet."

You say, "Being drunk doesn't excuse you from accepting it. It won't work on me."

He says, "I'm not done yet. After the bet ended, I told myself that I'd never tell you about it because of this happening with us. You getting mad and leaving. I'd never choose my career over you because I know in the long run, you'd always be there for me. Wrestling is something I'll do until I'm fifty or so but there's nothing for me after that until I met you. Then I messed everything up. You're even seeing someone else right now so I don't expect you to come back to me."

You sit and listen to every word. Once he's done talking, you say something. "I'm not seeing anyone right now. I've been single for the past six months, But if I asked you to retire right now, you'd do it?" you ask, testing him.

Adam nods and says, "Yes, I would. You mean more to me than a bet or than wrestling. I love you, even after all this time. Please, forgive me."

You sigh, "I have forgiven you, Adam. For the most part. I just can't forget what happened and what you said to me that day. You lied to me just to get me in bed. You lied to start a relationship with me. All you had to do was say, 'hey, Y/N. I like you and I'd like to take you out on a date' because I would have said yes. I liked you for so long, Adam. All you had to do ask me out."

He looks down at you and he says, "You don't have to forget because we can both grow from what happened. I'm a dumbass, I know. I was just nervous and in a way, the bet made me talk to you. I just want to make it up to you, Y/N. Let me make it up to you. Let me take you on that date. A real first date."

You look up at Adam and say, "I don't know. I don't fully trust you, Adam."

Adam tucks a piece of loose hair behind your ear and he says, "I can make it up to you, Y/N. Let me at least try. I've learned from this and I want to show you that I've learned from this."

Your heart pounds in your chest as he touches you for the first time in six months. Without knowing it, you lean into his touch and close your eyes.

His hands rest on your cheeks for a second before he pulls you up so you're standing in front of him. You look up at Adam. "I'll think about it," you say, finally reply to what he said.

You feel Adam's hands leave your cheeks and slide to your waist. He pulls you closer to him. You're eye level with his chest before you look up at him with your eyes, meeting his pretty blue orbs.

"Can I start right now?" Adam asks as he starts to lean into you. You grab a fistful of his shirt, not knowing if you should back away or not.

Your lips brush against Adam's and you say, "I still need some time."

His lips move down to your neck and you gasp softly, tilting your head back a bit. Adam mumbles, "I need to make it up to you, Y/N." He starts to kiss your neck gently. Your hands slide into his hair as he picks you up by your thighs. You wrap your legs around his waist.

Sighing as he kisses your neck, you give in and say, "God, make it up to me, Adam. Make it up to me all night if you want to. I need you."

You look down at Adam and he looks up at you, pulling away from your neck. He kisses you hungrily. Your lips move feverishly against his, both of you letting out soft moans into the kiss.

He lays you down on the bed and hovers over you, not breaking the kiss. He grinds his bulge against your clothed core. You moan into the kiss, reaching down and pulling Adam's shirt up over his head. That breaks the kiss momentarily but your lips connect again like magnets right after.

The passionate kiss becomes more intense when Adam slips his tongue into your mouth. His fingers dip into the waistband of your sweatpants, rubbing you slightly over your panties. You moan against his lips.

Adam's hands run up your body, slipping under the shirt you're wearing. He pushes up the shirt until his hands are on your breasts, massaging them. You gasp and moan, pulling back from the kiss. You lift your arms above your head so Adam can pull off your shirt. You never put on a bra when you got changed earlier.

He pushes up your shirt, kissing and sucking on your breasts. Your eyes close and you smile.

"You're so beautiful," Adam mumbles against the sensitive skin on your breasts. "I am so in love with you."

You sigh, "Less talking, Cole. More fucking."

Adam smirks and says, "With pleasure."

Within seconds, both your pants and Adam's pants are off with both your underwear. Adam hovers on top of you between your legs.

His lips are on yours, moving feverishly against yours. Your hands are on Adam's back, holding him close to you.

The tip of Adam's erect member runs through your wet folds, making you moan into the passionate kiss.

"Adam, baby," you mumble against his lips. "If you don't stop teasing me instead of fucking me, I'll walk out the door. I swear to God-" You're interrupted by Adam thrusting hard into you, making you cry out in pain and pleasure. Your fingernails dig into his back.

He has a smirk on his lips and says, "You were saying?"

You stare up at him and move your hips so he's completely inside of you. "You gonna do something or are you just gonna lay there?" you ask.

Adam positions himself above you so he thrusts into you. Slowly but deeply. His hips are already flush against yours as he pushes your legs up so they rest against his arms.

He's kissing your neck as he thrusts his hips into you. Every few seconds, his thrusts get faster and harder. Your fingers slide down his back, definitely leaving scratch marks.

The room is filled with your moans and the sound of skin slapping together. A layer of sweat has appeared on both your bodies. It's a little warm in the room.

Your moans get louder the harder he moves. Your hands eventually make their way into his hair, gripping it a little bit as he moves.

Adam lets out soft groans as he thrusts harder and deeper into you than he ever has. You throw your head back and pant, "God, I love you so much. I love this so much."

He smiles and starts to kiss your neck. His thumb rubs your very sensitive clit, making you almost scream out his name. "Fuck, Adam. Just like that," you cry out.

The bed begins to creak and hit the wall a bit when Adam picks up speed again. Your legs begin to shake and your walls clench around Adam.

Adam realizes how close you are and he says in your ear, "Come for me, baby. I want you to come around me like you always do."

You don't wait anymore. You release around Adam, crying out his name. He pulls out right before he comes, releasing his seed all over your core and stomach. His fingers help you ride out your high.

Adam collapses beside you, grabbing his shirt and wiping you down. You pant and stare up at the ceiling.

You think about the day you left and you close your eyes.

Maybe you overreacted a little bit by leaving. You never heard the whole story, until today. You never let him fully explain.

You let out a sigh and ask, "Do you really love me? Even after six months apart?" Your eyes open and you look over at Adam.

Adam looks over at you and says, "I was ready to love you forever. Of course I love you after six months apart."

"Do you have any other secrets you need to tell me?" you ask.

He shakes his head and says, "I'm a completely open book to you now. No more secrets, I promise."

You lean over and press a lingering kiss to his lips. After a few seconds, you answer the question he asked you six months ago right before you walked out the door.

"Then yes," you say, not pulling back very far from the kiss.

He tilts his head and asks, "Yes, what?"

You smile and say, "I'm answering the question you asked me six months ago before I left. Yes."

Adam thinks for a second before he finally gets it. He smiles wide and puts his hands on your cheeks, pulling you down for another kiss. You giggle against his lips.

He rolls onto you then gets off the bed. He fetches his jeans, pulling something out. "I've carried this with me everyday for six months, hoping that one day you'll accept it," Adam says, coming back to the bed.

In his hand is the same velvet black box that he held out to you six months ago and inside, the same diamond oval engagement ring he presented to you.

You smile as he pulls out the ring, sliding it onto your left ring finger.

Adam lightly kisses you and says, "That's my promise that I will not keep another secret from you, unless it's a secret to surprise you in a good way."

You giggle and look at your ex-boyfriend turned fiancé before you say, "The guys and Sasha will be so confused when I show up with a ring on my finger."

"Let's worry about that tomorrow," Adam says. "I still have a lot to make up for and it might take all night."

And with that, you spend all night having the best make up sex with Adam. You don't fall asleep until the sun has begun to rise.

[fashournalist]

Conquering the Crown: Who Will Be The Next Miss Universe Philippines 2021?

Are you ready, Universe?

Tomorrow, the next Miss Universe Philippines will be crowned in Bohol, and I'd like to share my bets with you (as well as my thoughts on more candidates other than my Top 6. :)

But first, I have to admit I do have a bias for Cavite, Aklan, and Laguna because

1) Cavite is my birthplace and where I spent the first 16 years of my life;

2) Aklan is where my five dear brothers are from;

3) Laguna is where I spent seven eventful years as a UPLB student.

However, these biases aren't the sole reason I'm rooting for these representatives. I believe Victoria Velasquez Vincent, Leren Bautista, and Christelle Abello are really among the best candidates of this year's batch! VVV is actually my top one, followed by Katrina Dimaranan, Maureen Wroblewitz, and Ayn Bernos.

One of the smartest and most eloquent candidates of this batch, Victoria Velasquez Vincent from Cavite has emerged as the Interview Challenge winner, and rightly so. But she caught my attention even before that phase; her Runway Challenge was really impressive as well. As a heritage conservationist and architect, she's committed to solving environmental problems across the globe.

I really wish the winner would be a pure Filipino, but it so happened that VVV impressed me the most. She's half-Irish and half-Filipino, raised in New Zealand.

Now this one's a powerhouse. A pageant veteran, model, actress, and television host, I think (and thousands of others think, too) Katrina Dimaranan from Taguig is the most prepared of them all. She was appointed as USA's Miss Supranational 2018 and finished as 1st Runner Up at the world stage. She was also one of the title holders way back in Binibining Pilipinas 2012.

Kat's charming, authentic personality captivates anyone watching her or listening to her voice. You can see this through the way she nailed the challenges. And though she grew up in the US, she is a pure Filipina.

This woman needs no introduction--Maureen Wroblewitz, the winner of Asia's Next Top Model Season 5. Born in Saudi Arabia, she's a half-Filipina, half-German model and actress who is now representing Pangasinan as she fights for the crown. She has emerged as the Casting Challenge winner, but aside from that, all the results of the other challenges prove how excellent and enthralling she is as a model. Her intelligence can also be seen with every answer she delivers during Q&As.

The most inspiring candidate of all, Ayn Bernos of San Juan, proves that barriers can be broken and stereotypes can be shattered. Proudly standing at 5'3 with morena skin, Ayn represents the majority of Filipino people who are not influenced by foreign blood. I've closely followed her journey from the day she submitted her pageant application, and I'm so happy for her every step of the way. Her millions of followers on TikTok surely feel the same. We feel seen, we feel represented, we feel inspired to also reach for our dreams--no matter how impossible they may seem.

Ayn is a natural Filipina beauty, and she glowed further as she embarked on the road to the crown. Her wit, intelligence, and cheerful personality radiate in every appearance she makes, whether it's an interview or a commercial special by some of MUPH's sponsors.

With enchanting eyes, a driven attitude, and several beauty pageant titles under her belt, Leren Mae Bautista of Laguna is one of the most prepared candidates to represent the nation at the Miss Universe pageant this December.

I started knowing her through the tarpaulins in LB eight years ago. I was still in college, and Leren just won the crown of Miss Los Banos. She conquered the Binibining Laguna title as well. Since then, I knew this classic Filipina beauty and brain would one day captivate the world. Years later, she has placed as a 2nd Runner Up in Miss Globe 2019 and won in other pageants, too. Today, she's aiming for the universe and we all know she's ready.

Armed with an unstoppable grit, this dreamer put her life in the US on pause to once again fight for the crown of Miss Universe. Christelle Abello of Aklan has placed in the top 16 of last year's MUPH, and she has come back stronger this time around. Though she wasn't part of the Top 7 in the Interview Challenge, I think she's one of the most fluent and confident candidates.

Although she was born in America, she embodies the beauty of a real Filipina. I have to mention that I'm not a fan of her evening gown's design, but she still carried it well.

So there, now you know my Top 6! :) They've been my Top 6 for several weeks now, but this doesn't mean I'm not impressed by other candidates.

Michele Angela Okol of Siargao Island nailed the Preliminary Interviews! I haven't watched all the interviews since the KTX pass is just too expensive for me, but I was able to see a few on YouTube. And of them all, Michele's answers were the best. She was certain with her answers. Ingrid "Sam" Santamaria of Paranaque and Chela Grace Falconer of Misamis Oriental are some of the smartest and most fluent candidates as well. Sam placed second in the Interview Challenge.

The Filipina beauty of Janela Cuaton of Albay, Maria Corazon Abalos of Mandaluyong, Mirjan Hipolito of Angeles City, Simone Nadine Bornilla of Marinduque, and Princess Krista Singh of Pasig are some of the most outstanding in their batch. But I think the most outstanding beauty of all, is Jasmine Umali of Manila. She's like a living Mulan, or Barbie. And all these phenomenal women are smart and graceful, too!

Anyhow, if Gianne Asuncion of Cagayan Province wasn't diagnosed with COVID-19, for sure she would make it here and she'd be one of my bets. I hope she comes back next year, same with Maica Cabling Martinez of Nueva Ecija, who didn't make it in this year's Top 30.

You might be wondering why I haven't mentioned Steffi Rose Aberasturi of Cebu Province yet.

Honestly, I can't deny she's gorgeous from head to toe, well-prepared, talented, and confident, but I just cannot stomach supporting someone who supports Rodrigo Duterte. If she wins tomorrow, I will not bash her--I can see why she's one of the frontrunners--but I just cannot see myself rooting for her because of her political stance :( If she was not a DDS though, she would easily be one of my top bets, maybe my top 4 or top 5.

Steffi carries every outfit effortlessly, and her beauty can go from sweet and endearing to regal and fierce. I wish, before the national elections, her eyes would be opened to the atrocities of Duterte's war on drugs. (I also find Bea Luigi Gomez beautiful, but she said during the preliminary interview that the government is doing well. So, I'm afraid she might be a DDS, too. I hope not)

I know, people tell us to separate the pageant from political views, but the thing is, when a DDS gains more influence, they can influence voters to support Duterte, too. That's a real danger our country can no longer afford.

As for Kisses Delavin of Masbate, I'm inspired by her drive to pursue her dreams, not letting bashers stop her. But I just cannot see her wearing the crown, sorry :( I'm not a basher, I acknowledge she is beautiful, sweet, talented, kind, and smart. But I just don't see the fierce, palaban aura that we all need in a Miss Universe candidate. Never thought being baby-faced could be a disadvantage.

But anyway, if Ayn is slaying while breaking barriers and stereotypes, why can't Kisses, right? Kisses did well in every interview she handled. Although, I really didn't like her runway challenge where her hands were stuck on her waist. Good thing her walk improved in the swimsuit competition. Despite getting bashed and doubted, she fights with courage and passion, and that's something we can all learn from--whether we're part of Kissables or not.

Who will win tomorrow? I just can't wait to find out :)

I really wish I have the budget for a KTX pass so I could watch the coronation night in real-time. Sigh. That's 600 pesos! I'd rather spend it on samgyup. HAHA my love for food beats my love for pageants, even when I once dreamt to be Miss Universe myself lol.

How about you, guys? Who are your favorites? Who are your bets? Comment down below :) (wow youtube lang? haha)

Regardless of who wins, let's support her way to the crown. :) Go, proudly raise the Philippine flag, Miss Universe PH 2021!

PS. Photos came from Miss Universe Philippines' page, Philippine Star, and PeoPlaid. And I thank MS Paint because that's where I combined some of the photos haha.

[fandomtookoverlife]

Home for Christmas

Pairings: Hotch x gn!reader, Jack x maternal!reader

Summary: you take steps towards your future with your boyfriend and his son, and it just so happens you be your favourite time of year🎄🎄

Warning: swearing(?)

Words: 4.7 k 

Category: fluff 

A/N: wow this one turned out longer than I expected😳😂,  it’s my longest fic yet so I hope you like it. (It’s not proof read to my standards so take it with a grain of salt) 

And yes btw I did Photoshop the picture at the end, why, you ask, did I do so much extra work even though I was on a time crunch, you know what that’s a good question, the answer is because I couldn’t find one I liked so screw it I’ll make it myself, I hate my self 😂😂

I have the outline for spiral part two so that should be what I post next.(the unfinished outline is like 600 words or smth😳 maybe I’ll post a little of it) Anyways hope you enjoy 😘😘

Other blog: @mac99martin

Masterlist

---

It’s December 1st, in your opinion it’s the best time of year and one of the best days. December 1st, ever since you were a child, has always been the day you decorate for Christmas: tree, lights, ornaments, Christmas themed knick-knacks, the whole shabang, Now, you prefer a real tree, traditions die hard and all, but when you got your own place and since you lived on your own, you’ve settled on a fake in your adult life. So while this morning you put up your fake tree and decorate your apartment, this afternoon you got to live vicariously through your boyfriend and his son when you went with them to get a tree and decorate their house. 

Now you are doing the finishing touches on the house’s decorations, Jack has begged you to come and decorate with him. And Aaron, well apparently decorating is not his forté so he didn’t mind the help. Speaking of Jack you have no idea where he ran off to, he had been acting weird all morning. While days prior he had begged you to come over, he had been acting cold towards you all day and now was nowhere to be seen. Aaron hadn’t said anything to you so you chalked it up to kids being kids. Besides children's attention spans are not great, so he probably just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and then got bored.

A little while later you had finish perfecting the house and you venture into the kitchen to find two boys making hot chocolate you had to smile to yourself, they were just the cutest, jack was on a step stool so that he could reach the stove and Aaron was next to him watching him like a hawk making sure he didn’t burn himself. They were smiling and laughing, Jack launched off the stool and ran around the kitchen climbing the counter coming down with a bag of mini marshmallows. You really do love watching them together, sometimes you catch yourself thinking, “my boys” but they're not yours. Sometimes you get caught up in your thoughts that you fool yourself into thinking you’re a part of their family, it’s dumb really, but you forget and you can see yourself in that place, having that family. But like all good things, they come to an end and you have to remind yourself, that's not your place, and you wonder if it ever will be. 

Aaron catches your eye, he has a giant smile on his face, as he does anytime he is with his son. Jack went to grab mugs for the hot chocolate, he grabbed two, you tried to chalk it up to that he's a kid and he only has two small hands, he probably didn’t even know his implication. None the less you smiled as Aaron grabbed the third mug and poured some in each handing them out. He tried to distract Jack from the giant bag of marshmallows, that kid really didn’t need more sugar, he failed but it’s always worth a try. You all mitigated to the living room, wrapping up the festive day with a classic Christmas movie. And again something was off, Jack barely said a word to you and sat on the other side of his dad. He always does that cute thing of snuggling in the small crevice between you and Aaron, but not today. 

Eventually, the day came to an end. Jack was in bed, after barely saying goodnight to you, and you and Aaron were snuggling on the couch, “Is everything alright?”

“Of course it is, why wouldn’t it be”

“I don't know, Jack, he was just acting weird today,'' Aaron had this strange look on his face. You knew that he noticed it, but there was something else there, but god, you have no idea what it could be, something was wrong wasn’t it? “D-did I do something?”

The last thing that Aaron wanted was for you to think you did something wrong, that you were anything less than perfect. He was the one that was, he doesn’t want to say wrong, because you could never feel wrong to him, you feel so right in every way, and he can’t screw that up. But he doesn't know how to not screw anything up, with you or his son, or between you and his son, which he did, but also has the one thing he wants to right now. 

“No, no, of course not honey, me and Jack were just talking last night, and, and it didn't go how I had planned.”

“But he was fine with you today, he was basically stuck to your side all day, it was me he was avoiding”

Shit, this was all his fault, what you don’t know is that the reason Jack was avoiding you today, the conversation they had last night, was about you. Aaron wants so desperately for you to be a part of his family, and that's what he and Jack were talking about last night, but Jack didn’t respond well to the sentiment, he didn’t explain why, he just climbed up and said he was going to bed, not that the why was a very hard guess for any father, never mind one that was a profiler. And then you were here, and Jack was acting weird towards you, and how could you not notice, but now you were thinking it was your fault when that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“No, that's not what was happening, I promise,” he hopes anyway, “I’m sorry it's my fault, I don't know why he was acting like that, I’m sorry it ruined the day, I know how much you love it.”

“No no it didn’t, I just, don’t want to screw anything up.” you snuggled into his chest, sensing that he wasn’t going to say anything more of his explanation, just continuing with his reassurances 

He only hopes you believe him. 

--

Aaron really did feel horrible that he caused a rift in your relationship with Jack, he wanted to fix it, he did, but he was nervous. You and Jack are the most important people in his life, he just wanted everything to be perfect but what if he couldn’t do that? What if he tried and he made things worse again? With a million thoughts running through his brain he really didn’t know what to do. 

Thankfully Jack’s mood only lasted 3 more days, correction 3 more very long days, which was all spent with you. Spending so many days in a row with you was not unusual in the slightest, the only unusual thing was Jack’s enthusiasm, more accurately lack thereof. He never said anything about it, mostly because he wasn’t saying much, but he just kept away from you. Over the course of the three days, he got better, until the fourth he went completely back to normal as if nothing happened. Aaron, if he was being honest, was very relieved when Jack went back to his normal self, the only problem was that something had happened and he needed to talk to his son about it. 

-

It was December 7th, Aaron took Jack out for the day, doing this and that's, it was a nice father and son day, but it was just a cover for the conversation that he wanted to have. The day was done, they were finishing up dinner when Aaron finally built up the courage, “jack?” jack simply looked up at his father, a smile still on his face, god I hope that smile stays, “can I talk to you about the other day?” 

Jack thought about it, but ultimately decided, “what do you mean?”

Deep breath, choose these words carefully, “you know the other day before you went to bed, we had that talk?” Jack’s face faltered a little but he nodded, “well after you weren’t acting like yourself, can you tell me why?”

Jack went quiet and kept his eyes down, of course, Jack knew why, but he couldn’t say why, so he just didn’t say anything. 

As parents knew their children, Aaron knew Jack needed some prompting, “is this about Y/N?” 

Jack shrugged his shoulders while fidgeting with his shirt, he was quiet for another minute before, in the tiniest voice, “I-.... I don't want to replace mommy” Aaron sighed, somewhere he knew that that is what this was about, but it hurt, it hurt so much to think about, to talk about, it was just so painful not only for him, but his son, and the thought, the reminder that his son had to live through something so unimaginable, well it wasn’t something Aaron liked to think about often, or by choice. 

He took a deep breath, standing up, picking up his son and moving them both to the couch, only attempting to speak once his son was snuggled up on his lap, “Jack, I promise that we are not, and would never replace mommy.” he was squeezing his son so tight at this point so probably couldn’t breathe, but Aaron, not Jack cared right now, “do you think that I’m trying to replace mommy with Y/N?” Jack slowly shook his head, he didn’t think that, but he thought about it, “do you think that Y/N is trying to replace mommy? do you think you’re replacing mommy with Y/N?” Jack snuggles further into his father’s chest and nods his head. Aaron feels like his heart is being pulled down with weights, he’s so close to breaking.

Jack’s voice is barely above a whisper, “what of Y/N replaces her and we forget her.” 

Aaron kissed the top of his son's head, “We will never forget mommy because we love her and she loves us. And that will never change.'' Jack felt better, but he wasn’t fully convinced, “why don’t you ask Y/N what she thinks, I think that will help ya?” Finally, Jack had a smile on his face, it was small but it was there, that all Aaron could ask for. Aaron and Jack cuddled on the couch watching a movie until they fell asleep. 

--

That's how you found them the next day. 

Aaron, the night before, had texted you saying that things went well, you asked if you should come over today and he said yes, so this morning woke up with the sun, got ready and went to all of your favourite breakfast spots and got coffee and food. You had to have grown extra hands or something because you were somehow able to hold everything while simultaneously taking your key out and opening the door. 

You expected to find the boys somewhere running around the house, jack probably having away too much energy and Aaron trying to keep up. What you didn't expect was to find them curled up on the couch dress in what had to be yesterday's clothes? You giggled stepping further into the house, removing your shoes and putting the food and drinks down, thankfully before you dropped them everywhere. You finally went to shut the door, that's what did it, Jack and Aaron did not immediately wake up. Well, you shouldn’t say immediately, when technically they both woke up, jack bolted up screaming your name and running into your arms. While Aaron, he slowly groggily opened his eyes. Watching Aaron was the funniest yet cutest thing to see and you loved it. “Hey, buddy! What's going on here?” you both looked back at Aaron who was now slowly realizing where he was and what was going on. 

“Me and daddy watched a movie last night!”

“Ah, I see.” there were bright smiles on your faces, Aaron not so much but you'll give him a pass. Looking back at Jack you cup your hand around his ear, “guess what I brought” his eyes shoot to yours filled with excitement, you point behind him to where you put breakfast down, Jack immediately sees it almost jumping out of your arms “why don't you go bring everything to the table ya?” at that he scurried out of your arms. You laughed at the but before turning to you now awake and approaching him, looking at his state only made you laugh more, to which he glared at you for to which you laughed harder, only stopping when he scops your face into his hands, placing his lips on yours, you smile into the kiss as you hand wrap around him. 

While it was a simple, innocent kiss, that didn't stop the loud “ewwwwww!” coming from the table, you both broke the kiss with giant smiles watching the sour look form on Jack’s face 

“Hey! Is that table set up yet?”

“Almost!” 

You went to walk away to help Jack but Aaron caught your wrist, when you looked back at him he had a more serious look on his face, in big constants to the happy one only moments before. He took both your hands in his, kissed them and brought them to his chest. Aaron noticed your furrowed brows and worried face and gave you a slight smile.

“What is it? Something wrong?” you really have no idea considering the complete and utter happiness on all your face this whole time.

“No no nothing wrong.” he picked up one of your hands and pressed a kiss on your palm before returning it to the warmth of his chest, “just, Jack’s going to ask you a question later okay?” 

“Um, okay, just thought you’d give me a heads up?” you smiled but you were still worried. 

“ya, just forewarning you.”

You studied his face, while you are -very- worried, he doesn’t seem to be at all, you signed, taking his calmness as comfort, “Alright.”

“Alright?”

Your hand came to the back of his neck, you placed a chaste kiss on his lips, “Alright.” you place one last kiss on his lips before pulling away and making your way toward and very patient Jack and a perfectly splayed out table. 

-

You had eaten and enjoyed breakfast, Jack particularly the donuts you brought, on the other hand, you and Aaron were quite partial to the coffee.“Hey, jack why don’t you go get changed and then maybe we could go for a walk?”

“Ok!” the little boy spirited towards his bedroom 

You stood up intending to clean up but Aaron stopped you “Hey, I’ll clean up, how about you go for a walk with Jack.” you looked in his eyes, they were sweet and caring but his face was tense and his lip was pressed into a line, you exhaled and grabbed his hand, you knew that he wanted you to talk to Jack, you had had a serious talk with him before, but you have no idea what this is about, the whole concept is terrifying. 

Aaron can see how nervous you are, he can't say he doesn't understand, truth be told he’s a little nervous himself, but he knows you, and he loves you, but that's probably why he's nervous, “hey” you look into his eye, he just smiles at your love and adoration apparent, “everything’s going to be fine, okay?”

“Okay.” 

“Come on, let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go” Jack takes both your hands pulling you off the couch 

“Hey buddy, I’m going to clean up and you and Y/N can go for a walk, okay?” 

“Okay” oh god, even Jack looks nervous. 

“Okay, buddy let's go” you and Jack get your coats on, take each other’s hands and head towards the door, you look back at Aaron one last time, his eyes giving you all the comfort and encouragement needed, god I hope this goes well. 

-

So here you are, halfway done you walk and you have said anything, you look at the boy ahead of you running and picking up snow, throwing it in the air, smiling as it slowly falls on him, “so Jack” oh god how do you even start this conversation, “why don’t we go sit on that bench over there?” he nodded, running over to it and sitting on it before you even take more than a couple of steps towards it. Thankfully, despite it being December it's not overly cold today, the temperature is nice with a chilly breeze, but the sun is out so it evens out nicely. You sit and put your arm around him, “is there anything that you want to talk about?” he looks down but shits his body to face you. You turn towards him as well and your arm falls from his shoulder and you place it on your knee, opening your palm to the sky, Jack takes the invitation and puts his hand in yours, you close your hand around him, squeezing it, smiling at the contact. 

“I miss mommy.” ugh god no, that's it, there goes your heart, it's complete;y broken, irreparable, just cracked right in half. “I don't want to replace her” you squeeze his hand tighter, closing your eyes trying to hide how much his words are actually affecting you. 

“Hey,” you lean down to look in his eyes, “I will never replace you, mommy, I love you so much baby, and I love your daddy, and I love you, mommy, just like you do. She was such a good mommy to you,” you lift and hand and boop his nose making you both laugh, “... no matter how hard I try I will never be as good as her, but I can love you both for her and I can be here for you both for as long as you want, I think she would like that, don’t you?” he looks up at you, a little smile growing on his face and jumping into your arms. Your arms wrapped impossibly tight around him and you took a shaking breath, thanking whoever the fuck is out there that that went well. And you thought about Haley, hoping that what you said was true, that she really would like you, that she's happy and that she thinks you’re good enough for her boys, that you are good for them. 

“Why don't we make our way back to the house and see if we can rope your dad, into building a snowman with us?” he leaps off the bench, sprinting back to the house at the thought of playing in the snow with his dad, with you trailing behind him. 

-

When you get back to the house you share a look letting him know everything is alright. You manage, with minimal protest, to get Aaron outside, you do in fact build a snowman, but you also have a snowball fight, you defend yourself saying, “it’s unavoidable'' and “a part of Christmas.” eventually you all, wet and cold, went inside, curled yourself up in blankets and snuggled, trying to warm up. Jack says on your lap, Aaron beside you. The three of you had a night of joy and laughter. You watched your, very, sexy boyfriend cook dinner, you ate, eventually got Jack into bed, and found yourself once again snuggling up with Aaron on the couch. “Do-, do you think Haley would like me?”  

Aaron gave you a curious look, he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and smiled at you, “ya I do.” although you don't seem fully convinced. He tilted your chin up, your eyes meeting his, “I think she would love how much you do for Jack, she would adore how much you yell at me,” making you both chuckle because you know how true that is, “she would love how kind you are, and how caring, gentle and patient you are. I know how much she appreciates how you keep her memory alive, and despite never knowing her, you still love her, so yes I think she would love you.” he leans in and places a gentle kiss on your lips, you smile and wrap your arms around his neck. 

--

It's December 10th you're at a store doing some shopping you just remembered you had forgotten about. You pride yourself on being very prepared so not being done yet freaks you out. You are under strict orders not to get any more gifts for Jack, that you spoil him too much, but you can't help, so you choose to ignore that little detail as you're walking through the store.

-

“Daddy?”

“Ya buddy.”

“I think it’s a good idea.”

Aaron smiled, “ya?”

“Mmhmm”

“So when do you think we should do it?”

Jack taps his lips and scrunches his brow as if in thought, “Christmas Eve!”

“Alright, that seems like a good time.” Aaron has wanted to move forward with you for a long time, it could not make him happier than his son wants that too. 

-

It's Christmas eve morning, one of the worst days because it's not Christmas eve yet and it's not Christmas morning, it's a day of anticipation, it feels like something should be happening but there's nothing left to do but wait. Excitement courses through your body and it have no outlet to escape, just a boring day that feels exciting but can't be. And you have a very energetic little boy on your hands. He's almost literally bouncing off the walls, needing something to do, “why don't we make cookies for Santa?”

“YA YA YA YA YA!” Jack screams jumping up and down

-

You just put the cookies in the oven and were closing the door when you felt a tug on your hand, Jack was pulling at your waist and Aaron was leaning against the door, Jack had a smile on his face “Will you sleepover tonight?!” You were a little taken back, you had slept over before but it had never been while Jack was home. The lonely time close would be when Jack got dropped off early and you and Aaron hadn’t gotten out of bed yet. 

Aaron loudly cleared his throat and Jack looked guiltily, lowering his head and bringing his shoulders up to his ears. You gave Aaron a confused wary look, you didn’t know why Aaron reacted like that nor do you know why Jack looks so guilty  “well would you.” 

“Are you sure that’s alright?” 

“Of course it is” 

You studied his face for a split second more, he had a sweet smile on his face, but there was something more, something you didn’t know, nevertheless you accepted 

The little boy celebrated jumping into your arms, sending you into a fit of laughter 

Aaron sat back and watched, could this be forever? He really hopes so. 

-

Aaron cooked what had to have been what is one of the best dinners you've ever had. The dinner was slightly fancy and he had opened a good bottle of wine, you didn’t think too much of it, it was Christmas Eve. but he and Jack were acting weird, had refilled your glass and told you to “go, relax, I got it.” and was pushed off into the living room. They started off in the kitchen but then they started whispering and now you don't know where they are. So you sit here enjoying your glass of wine, looking out the window as the lights on all the houses shine and snow drifts down. You have a smile on your face, honestly, you're not even conscious of it, you just have had such a good day and it's just so nice sitting here right now, enjoying life. 

Your attention was drawn away from the scenery outside by the previously mentioned boys that just so conveniently disappeared, now walking into the living room. Their faces aren't quite mischievous but they are definitely hiding something. When Jack looks at his father your suspicions are confirmed when you see Jack hiding something behind his back, “what going on?” Jack looked at his father for permission, Aaron simply nodded in your direction, sending Jack racing towards you. 

You eye Aaron, narrowing your eyes at him before moving them to the boy in front of you. He stood in front of the couch bouncing on the balls of his feet, might go as far as to say that he looks extremely giddy. He takes his hands from behind his back revealing a medium-sized velvet box with a ribbon tied around it, you smile and take it from him, “and what this?”

“Present!” 

“But it's not Christmas yet.” you muse 

“Does it have to be?” you look up at Aaron with a tight smile and raised eyebrows, but ultimately answer his question by just shaking your head. 

You look back at Jack who is now sitting anxiously on the floor, “open it!!”

“Alright alright,” you slide off the couch, joining him on the floor, while Aaron sits on the cushion next to where you were previously sitting. With one last look with Aaron, you turn your eye to the box. You pull the end of the ribbon releasing it from the box, not even watching as it falls to the floor. You carefully open the box revealing a dainty chain with a beautiful key hanging from it, the letters H O M E pressed into it. Your breath was stolen from you, not only by the jewelry but by the implication it holds.

“Y/N” you would look up at your boyfriend but your eyes are glued to the necklace 

Aaron watches your face, you are in complete shock, you stare at the necklace committing it to memory, all the muscles in your face pull up slightly, a ghost of a smile spreads across your face, he reaches down for your hand, taking it in his own and you meet his eyes. You both break out into smiles, “I love you, we love you, will you move in and make this your home?” 

You blush at the compliment, and smile at the question, “yes” you beam, somehow brighter smiles appear on your faces as he leans down to kiss you.

While Jack would usually be utterly disgusted with this act he simply, “do you like it?”

“I love it, baby.”

“Put it on putting it on!” 

“Alright.” you carefully take it out of the case and hand it to Aaron lifting up your hair as he reaches around and clasps it around your neck. Jack crawls into your arms, hugging you and playing with the new piece of jewellery around your neck. You sit and smile and snuggle enjoying the moment and engraving it into your head for the rest of your life.

- 

With the first yawn from Jack you know it's time for bed, “alright Jack bed” you tap his side, motioning for him to get up as he is still on your lap. He gives you big puppy dog eyes and so just reminds him about a certain visitor coming tonight and that has him racing up and to his room, ordering you both to follow. 

Aaron helps you off the floor smiling as his hands make their way from yours, trailing up your arms and down your sides placing them on the back of your hips, he smirks and leans down to kiss you, saying you better hurry up to put jack to bed,

How much does he think he’s going to get away with tonight?

-

You said good night to Jack and now are leaning against his door frame, listening and watching as Aaron puts his son to the bed. You take your necklace into your hands, they talk about the presents and getting up early tomorrow, having to go to bed now so Santa can come, they talk about cookies.., and they talk about how happy they are. You stand here listening thinking how, right now, this, them, it's the rest of your life, that tomorrow will be your first Christmas with your boys, but not your last. And you find yourself just as anxious as the little boy, unable to wait until the morning. 

Aaron smiles at you as he leads you into his room- your room, his hand stays on your back as he closes the bedroom door, okay maybe you can wait a little longer for tomorrow.  

---

Tags:

@spencers-renaissance @averyhotchner @hotch-meeeeeuppppp

Lmk if you want to be added 😘

[swissmissficrecs]

Any PTSD Sherlock fics? Thank you as always.

Reply: Yes, definitely! First off, here are some older, related lists:

PTSD John

John discovers Sherlock’s scars + Part 2

Sherlock Whump

PTSD tag

And from that tag, here are the ones where Sherlock is the sufferer:

PTSD Sherlock

A River Without Banks by Chryse (203K, E, Johnlock and Warstan) "You love this, being Sherlock Holmes." He had once. When had it all gone so wrong?

All the Best and Brightest Creatures by wordstrings (188K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock sent Jim Moriarty to prison for killing Carl Powers at age ten.   This is the story of the consequences.

Andante by uraneia (12K, T, Johnlock) Three months afterward, a stranger appears at 221B. (AKA: The one where Sherlock shows up on John’s doorstep with serious injuries and amnesia, and John thinks he’s a homeless man seeking medical attention.)

Command Structure by 221b_hound (49K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock Holmes returns from his hunt to destroy Moriarty's network. He has returned fractured and suffering anxiety attacks. He thinks he needs discipline - the whip - to help him focus and be strong. But his problems are deeper and run back to a childhood of neglect.  

Hounds by quietasasleepingarmy (21K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock enlists John's help with a case that falls far beyond his area of expertise. Post-HLV.

I'll Follow You Into the Dark by fearfully_beautifully_made (19K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock's got quite an imagination, he always has. As a child, he had very vivid dreams; they come back with a vengeance after all that has happened in the past few years. Luckily for him, his best friend moved back in and has some experience with PTSD and nightmares. He seems more than willing to lend a helping hand.

Johnlock Advent 2018 by sussexbound (47K, E, Johnlock) Starting today (the 1st of December) and all the way up to the 25th, the chapter of a fic and accompanying drawing will be posted here (and on my tumblr).  It’s so great, and we are all very excited.

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (57K, M, Johnlock) An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (39K, M, Johnlock) Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (87K, E, Johnlock and Warstan) Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Written from Sherlock's POV.

Not the Fall that Kills You by Ranowa (39K, M, Johnlock) Sherlock's been falling ever since he stepped off Bart's roof two years ago. Now, he's back home, but as it turns out, he's still not ready to land. (Part of a longer series but can be read alone.)

Not the King’s Men by StoneWingedAngel (56K, T, Johnlock) John finds Sherlock three years after he thought he'd buried him, scared and injured; broken to such an extent he can barely recognise those trying to help him. Battling against too many unanswered questions and his own feelings, John sets out to put him back together, but never stops to consider Sherlock's return may be part of a greater punishment in store for the both of them. (Note: This fic has been deleted, the link goes to the Wayback Archive. Download and save, as it may disappear at any time.)

On the Rack by 7PercentSolution, J_Baillier (286K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock goes to rehab (of the other sort), starts scraping his life back together, attempts to solve a case, and tries to make sense of what it actually means to be in a relationship.

Sharp Bits and Safe Paths by midgetnazgul (22K, E, Johnlock) John learns Sherlock sacrificed much more than he ever could have believed in his time away.

Sherlock, P.I. by Callie4180 (83K, E, Johnlock and Warstan) Sherlock, P.I. is an American television show that follows the exciting adventures of genius private investigator Sherlock Homes and his friends as they live their lives on the beautiful island of Oahu in Hawaii. Sherlock solves crimes as he wrestles with the ghosts and demons of his past.

That Obscure Object by emmadelosnardos (23K, T, Johnlock) Danger was a green pool in an inner courtyard, the wet slide of skin against skin, the risk of being caught. Danger was a needle under the floorboards, opium in the toe of a slipper, the subterfuge of his habit. Danger was a shabby cabbie, even odds, an aneurysm.

The Broken Tether by J_Baillier (54K, M, Johnlock) Maybe he thinks that you only enjoy his company because of the Work, because of the way his dazzling intellect shines when he's in his element, but the truth is this: it is when he is at his most human, most bare, that you feel closest to him.

The Fabric of Life - orphaned (156K, E, Johnlock and Warstan) The fabric of life rearranges itself around the re-emergence of Sherlock.

The Ground Beneath Your Feet by Chryse (68K, E, Johnlock) Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.

The Holiday by Scriblit (18K, M, Gen) A month following an horrific, sadistic attack during a case, Sherlock is still physically incapacitated and emotionally damaged. A holiday is suggested, but even stuck out in the middle of nowhere, he and John happen upon a case that could make Sherlock begin to feel like his old self again - or could kill him.

The Silence After by wendymarlowe (25K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock may have physically survived his abduction, but in his mind he'll never be whole again.  John understands PTSD, understands what Sherlock is going through, and is determined to be patient.  Angst, hurt/comfort, and eventual Johnlock as Sherlock tries to rebuild his ability to trust.

The Victim Experience by J_Baillier (16K, T, Gen) A case takes Sherlock and John deep into the seedy underbelly of the haunted attractions industry. With audiences craving more and more intense experiences, is a real murder the next logical step?

Truth May Vary by amalnahurriyeh (93K, E, Johnlock and Warstan) Seven years after Sherlock's death, John's life is normal.  And then it isn't.

Underground Rescue by khorazir (48K, M, Johnlock) All kinds of danger lurk in the disused stations of the London Underground. When Sherlock goes missing, John has to play detective to find him, while Sherlock faces demons both present and past.

White Tulip by withoutawish (40K, E, Johnlock and Warstan) Sherlock is in love with John Watson.  John Watson is in love with Mary Morstan.  Sherlock likes Mary Morstan just fine.  Sherlock likes drugs more.  And most importantly, Sherlock doesn’t like Sherlock.

You Go to My Head series by J_Baillier (865K, T to E, Johnlock) This series is an alternate universe one, featuring the exciting medical and romantic adventures of doctors Watson (senior neuroanaesthetist) and Holmes (neurosurgeon). (Several of the installments deal with PTSD in some form or other.)

Your Perfect Offering by CaitlinFairchild (44K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock rolls away and sits up on the edge of the bed, his back to John.“A great many things happened in Serbia,” he says, flat and remote. “None of them were pleasant.”

[pomegranates-and-blood]

Vænn (Ivar’s PoV)

νοσταλγία Masterlist

Vænn: beautiful, hopeful, promising (Old Norse)

Pairing: Ivar/Reader

Summary: Another attempt at writing snippets of Ivar’s PoV of νοσταλγία, this time this relates to chapters 11-12 of the main story, approximately.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: The usual

A/N:Today I was supposed to upload Sieghild’s PoV, and Ivar’s was supposed to be on December 1st but hey, I got it done beforehand so here you go.

I’ve been absolutely hating my writing lately, so I am really sorry if this sucks, I don’t know what else to say other than that. Hopefully it isn’t as bad as my worse thoughts make me believe lol, thank you for reading.

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius​​ @heavenly1927​​ @toe-vind-ek-jou​​ @xbellaxcarolinax​​ @pieces-by-me​​ @angelofthorr​​

You smile more freely now, he notices. Like you don’t resent the smiles that curve your lips, like you’ve started to realize he isn’t chaining you.

He watches you study a plum you’ve only taken one small and delicate bite off of, as you muse to yourself and, apparently, to him,

“Back home they made wines with these. With many things, actually. Dandelions, cherries,” Your words die with a small chuckle that shakes your shoulders, and you pause to take another small bite of the fruit. “My favorite is roses.”

Ivar only hums a response, because he doesn’t exactly know what to say to that. He was never the best at…talking, at this apparently easy familiarity; and while lately you do seem to be willing and able to strike a conversation about anything and nothing, Ivar will admit he doesn’t know how to deal with that, so he mostly chooses to stay silent and listen to you talk.

Which you do. A lot. He has a feeling you think you talk and share a lot less than you actually do.

But you give a lot away. He may not be good at talking and charming like Hvitserk or Sigurd, or approachable and easy to confide in like Ubbe; but he is good at watching people.

He watches you, and notices you flinch when a fire is breathed too much life, takes note of the way your eyes soften when he says your name, and is delighted to see your smile is colder when it is directed at someone that isn’t him.

And you also talk a lot. Which he doesn’t mind, the Gods know he doesn’t mind. The sound of your voice seems to be perpetually stuck in his head, and although the arrogant and insufferable little tone you get when you think you are right is infuriating, it is much preferable to when he didn’t know the sound of your voice at all, or the little drag of your accent when you speak his language, or the fluidity of when you speak in yours.

“Oh, and pomegranate wine!” You continue, licking a drop of juice from the side of your wrist up, and his eyes follow the movement. You lift big eyes to him as if you don’t realize how much he wants to trap that small wrist in his own hand and lick any offending drops himself. “You don’t have pomegranates here, do you?”

“Would you want some?”

But you shake your head almost immediately, “No, no, I can’t eat them. It’s…the fruit of the temptation, Hiereiai cannot eat the seeds of it.”

He remembers almost all your tales of the Gods you worship, and the six pomegranate seeds that made a Goddess remain in another realm for half eternity has always stayed with him. Maybe because of how it is one of the tales you don’t think much about before speaking of it, you don’t pick and choose at what to say when you speak of her.

And Ivar wonders to himself, if six seeds of this fruit could make a Goddess be bound to that Underworld; what they could do to a mortal woman, a woman that, like the Goddess you speak of, isn’t allowed to eat them.

The errant thought of telling his brother to arrange for some merchant to find him pomegranates stays for a few moments too long on his head.

Because he wasn’t lying, before, when he told you that he could give you anything you wanted. He would, even if admitting it is giving away control, and even worse, giving it to you, power for you to hold over him; he would.

It doesn’t matter, he supposes. You’ll be his wife soon, he’ll have as much power over you as you have over him.

It will be even, then. You will be equals. That has to be what you wanted, even if you still refuse to accept the idea of marrying him.

You didn’t leave him any choice, after all. If he was the one with power, you’d be cold and look at him with hate in your eyes; but Ivar knows if he let you have power without keeping some for himself, you’d run back to your burnt city, you’d leave him.

Ivar knows sooner or later you’ll come to accept it. He knows it, and he knows you should want at least the title of queen if not that of wife. Because even if he didn’t know who you were, if he chose to ignore it like he did in those first days in the run-down village near Dublin, he would know you were made to rule, to command. It’s written in the way you walk, in the way you talk and hold your head high, in that insufferable arrogance, in that stubbornness.

____

There’s something strange about you when you say your goodnight after the announcement of your marriage is brought up before his brothers, but Ivar decides not to dwell on it. And, as he leaves the dim room where he introduced you to his older brother and announced you are to be his wife, he sees Ubbe waiting by a wall, arms crossed over his chest as he stares Ivar down.

“She’s beautiful,” Ubbe comments as he steps away from the wall, “Doesn’t mean she will make a good wife.”

“I’m not marrying her because of beauty, brother.”

He’s marrying you because he has to keep you with him, because he knows now just as he knew when he first saw you in that field, that you were sent by the Gods, by Freyja, to be at his side. The Gods called you to cross many seas, to travel across half a world, and he knows it was because you and him are Fated to meet, to know each other.

And he knows that slave was right, when she spoke of how it all leads to pain and suffering and so it is a proof of the Gods’ favor when people are chosen to suffer. She said those who endure are rewarded, he still remembers her quiet voice uttering the words, but he hadn’t believed her, not at first.

But now, and ever since he first saw that mirage in the red dress with gentle caresses and loving words turn around with a war cry and the fierceness of a Valkyrie, he knows that slave was right, and the Gods do reward those who endure. And one way or another, for a purpose he wishes he knew but doesn’t yet, you were sent to him as the Gods’ gift for enduring a life of pain and suffering; he knows this.

“What are you marrying her for then, Ivar?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because-…brother, you could do this the…the normal way. Find a woman you care for, a woman that wants to be your wife, not some captured witch that fears you.”

He wanted to interrupt him, tell him he has never had a chance to do things the normal way, because while Ubbe may try to tell him he is just like his brothers, he isn’t. And Ragnar was right, he had to accept that he isn’t a normal man, and that means he can’t do things the normal way, like normal men do.

Instead of bringing up a conversation that will make his brother look at him with that pathetic compassion, that brotherly pity, in his eyes; he clarifies,

“She doesn’t fear me. She fears you.”

The other man doesn’t relent, and when Ubbe steps forward, trying to make him understand, “And why do you think that is? I see what she’s trying to do, I see clearly. She’s bewitched you!”

He rolls his eyes with an exaggerated movement of his head, and meets the eyes of his older brother with what is sure to be the deadpan tiredness of hearing so many times about women being able to bewitch the men in his family.

The only woman he has seen use her cunt or her lips to actually gain power is Margrethe, but no, no one thinks she might have bewitched any of his useless brothers. Or cursed him, Ivar has toyed with that idea many times since that damn night when he tried fucking her.

But it is stupid to think a woman would bewitch his father, or him. He may be a cripple, but he’s not an idiot; he would know if you were trying to fool him, if you were trying to play with his head. He thought you were, at first, before he knew you and your mouth that betrays your truths before you can stop it, and your eyes that give away every softness and every fury.

He knows he would have been able to tell if you tried tricking him.

Mainly because you wouldn’t be this infuriating brat if you actually tried getting something you wanted from him, he gathers.

Ubbe just looks at him with the pressed lips and disappointed eyes of a brother that tries acting like a father, before turning his back and walking away.

____

Your surprise him by appearing in his rooms, but before he can fully form a question as to why you are here, you reach up with shaking hands to your shoulders

Your dress drops to the floor and you stand before him, bare and beautiful and his, his to admire, to touch, to…

But you talk, because you talk a lot, you talk a lot more than you realize. And you speak of how you’re willing to offer your body to him if only to avoid becoming his wife, of how he doesn’t have to do this.

And it is once again like sitting in front of a slave that trembles before him, that kisses him at his brother’s request, that barely masks her disgust when she is forced to touch him.

“Get dressed.”

You cover yourself, and soften your voice but not the way he wants you to. Because now you sound scared, helpless, desperate. And you plead for a way to avoid becoming his wife, for an easy path to escape him.

And he wants to punish you, he wants to make you regret ever thinking you can toy with him, he wants…he wants to make you admit it. He wants to make you shed that…that softness of yours, he wants to…

He doesn’t know what he wants.

He thinks a part of him actually wants you to hurt him, to be cruel. To just…prove him right, prove to him that he can’t have that warm familiarity of having you share your day with him, that fascinating enjoyment of being taught your tongue, those smiles that he earns more and more easily as time goes by.

A part of him wants you to prove him right, and to be cruel and a lie. A chimera, a vision, like he thought you were when he first saw you on that battlefield.

It would certainly make things easier, if he could let go of the childish and pathetic hope of having something normal, like a wife that does not despise him, a woman that actually wants him.

But things aren’t easy, so he just spews venom and barely-hidden insecurities in the form of accusations, and prays your own arrogance and your own temper keeps you from seeing how with nothing but you, you can have him at your mercy.

____

So yeah, there you go. I know it’s not much, only 2k, but I struggle a lot when writing Ivar’s PoV. I sincerely hope you didn’t hate it, thank you for reading and I’m sorry if it sucks.

Best of wishes! <3 <3

[vtforpedro]

medical update and stuff. trigger warnings in tags I’m extremely frustrated. it’s been 15 months of frustration lol so so so sick of doctors, so sick of living through this. I am tired and getting no relief you might remember, but I was given a ‘possible’ IIH diagnosis in October. we’ve been treating it like it is IIH, which means everything has always been real etc etc and the treatment is weight loss. started my ‘better eating habits’ on nov 1st. then I immediately had the thing with my chemo pill packing on a ton of excess fluid, worsening my head to the point of ER and calling my neurosurgeon, getting taken off my chemo pill, and it wasn’t until mid-december that I actually started to see any fucking weight loss cause of that my pcp told me 5lbs a month. so I’ve been right on track with that despite wishing I could lose 10 a month but that’d be starving myself so lol I’ve lost 15lbs but now something exciting is happening again!! I am retaining fluid and I have NO idea why. which means my head is now as bad as it was last summer when everything was at its worse. constant all day long, pills barely doing anything for me, vision issues, pain issues. it feels like something broke in the base of my skull/neck because I get the scariest sensations there. it’s horrible. no human being should have to live this way and I do it every single day, numerous times a day anyway I had to go to the ER last thursday A G A I N because a doctor sent me. my pupils were noticeably two different sizes. I’d noticed three days beforehand and convinced myself I was imagining it cause it wasn’t a huge difference. finally took a picture and no, def not the same size and my eye looked like it was going inward? anyway, called my pcp, they had me come in that day, he saw it from a foot and a half away, sat back, and said I need you to go to the ER, you need your brain looked at. so again, I’ve been seeing this for three days while my head has been 10/10 extreme due to pressure in it. I get there and have to wait a while but less than two hours later when they finally looked at me? gone. pupils back to normal. doctor talking down to me like I was just an anxious mess and not that another dr sent me cause he saw what I did lol and his notes were in my chart. so, wasted visit and they put a covid patient 15ft from me and intubated them, so get to remember what that sounds like forever and ever (covid patients are supposed to be separated from other ER patients). now I’m doing a 10 day quarantine while I am so severely disabled I cannot bend over to take care of my cats food/litter/etc and it’s why my mom half lives with me but she can’t right now :) getting a covid test in three hours and it’s been eight days with nothing but head issues + fluid retention so hoping it’s negative the fluid retention I had before was a side effect of my chemo pill. I don’t know why this is happening. I should be 17lbs down now and I’ve actually gained weight despite being on the same diet that lost me the 15. I’m back to 13lbs down. this makes me feel like I might be carrying 4lbs of water weight. let me break this down because yesterday a PA told me my symptoms were too ‘ambiguous’ to say if fluid retention is happening or not - fluid retention from the chemo pill was ALL felt in my stomach. it was distended and bloated like I’d eaten at a buffet every single day - head got massively worse, enough to go to the er, doc and I agreed the fluid retention causing me to fluctuate between 15lbs was making the IIH worse - not urinating often despite drinking a normal amount - got on a diuretic, seven days later the weight was gone, head was better, started losing weight this is what I’m experiencing now - fluid retention that is causing my stomach to feel very bloated and look/feel distended - head has gotten massively worse, enough to send me to the ER - should be losing weight, have actually gained weight on a low fat, low calorie diet - the only difference this time is that I am dehydrating myself (yes I know, bad, but it is literally saving my life) because I experimented one day with half my water intake and my head was miles better. still experiencing a terrible head episode once or twice a day but it’s not 10/10 constantly - and the second difference is despite not drinking enough water, I am actually urinating more often and it’s a lot more clear than it should be, the color I expect when I’m hydrating well I consider this ^^^^^ to be a good case of why I think I have fluid retention but being told my symptoms were ‘ambiguous’ and throwing me to my neurosurgeon instead is HNNNNG (esp because diuretics are known to help IIH symptoms FOR THIS EXACT REASON) I have VERY recently had my sugars checked a few times, glucose is normal. VERY recently had an abdominal CT, also normal. it’s not diabetes, it’s not something happening in my abdomen. they hear abdomen vs legs swelling and think it’s GI because doctors never fucking listen and actively put their patients in danger but o h w e l l, I guess anyway as it’s been for 15 months, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I go this way and experience agony, I go that way and experience agony I need extra hydration for weight loss, leukemia, being obese. I need less hydration because it worsens IIH to the point of 10/10 I want to die (which makes me heavily and actively suicidal. doctors see I take anti-depressants and assume idk I’m being dramatic but no, it’s really this fucking bad. I would rather die that moment than keep feeling what’s happening in my head) there’s like no middle ground and my body and these doctors are making it impossible to figure this shit out. my mom had to come over at 1:45 AM last night (hasn’t had to rush here since april 2020 cause that’s just how bad it is) because I lost my balance twice and was lucky I had something to catch onto or I would’ve been on the ground (neuro symptoms which could be IIH, could be chiari, could be stroke) and my speech got SUPER bad almost immediately. scared the hell out of me, I have never in my life lost balance that badly before things are going downhill and I would’ve thought losing weight they’d start improving but when has my body ever made this easy lol meeting a new neurologist on monday who works in the same building with my neurosurgeon. I’ve been avoiding them cause every single one of them told me I was just anxious despite specific physical movements causing an episode lmao but hopefully this guy is better and he has access to all of my neurosurgeon’s notes and stuff. I can’t keep dehydrating myself but at the same time I can’t let my head get so bad I make a farewell note for my mom, you know? it’s just been really bad and I don’t know how to get people to listen to me. I have a 99% diagnosis and they still don’t take me as seriously as they should. this has ruined my quality of life and they would have you believe that doctors take that seriously but they do not neurosurgeon wants me to see an ophthalmologist again cause of my vision issues and to check for specific things that relate to IIH. he wants another MRI done in early may cause it’s been a year since my last one by then (actually a month later, my last one was in april, but I’m curious if the neurologist will order one sooner) to check to see if anything has worsened so yeah living in absolute hell again and don’t know if I can just get a simple one week diuretic to get this fluid out of my body. what the FUCK else can it be when I’ve experienced this exact thing twice!! before. it happened to a much, much lesser degree the first time I got on the chemo pill. but the same shit :) hanging on by the thinnest thread guys and 15 months of feeling like I’m going to die almost every single day through that has destroyed my psyche. destroyed me as a person. I don’t know what to do anymore sorry this is all a lot of Bad™ but it’s been a lot of bad for 15 months. if I can keep going, I hope one day to be able to give an update of improvement love you all

[obiwanownsmyass]

Christmas Special

Person A wrapping the lights around Person B instead of the tree while they giggle and kiss.

Okay, so I’ve never written anything on tumblr before, but thought I’d try it out, just posted my first fic on A03 last week too. I wrote this in May for some reason. But I just found this again.

please do not repost on any other site.

likes and reblogs appreciated

“I can’t reach…it....ah ha! Got it” Y/N stepped down from the ladder she was on.

“Darling, why didn't you wait for me? I would’ve done it.” Tom, her boyfriend of three years, said as he walked around the corner carrying two mugs of steaming tea. He set them carefully down on the family room table, which was covered in Christmas ornaments and lights softly glowing. Red and green boxes strewn across the floor and a Christmas tree leaning against the wall. Josh Groban christmas album Noël (Deluxe Edition) playing in the background softly, ‘A classic,’ Y/N had said, her family would listen to it every year the day after Thanksgiving while they put their tree up in their living room.

Y/N turned around, hair in a braid that was falling out in places and some pine tree needles stuck to her Christmas themed sweater. “Yeah, except I didn't want your arms getting scratched up from the pine needles before your filming in a couple weeks.”

Tom laughed softly and kissed the side of Y/N’s forehead. “Have I told you recently how much I love you?”

She looked up and gazed into his eyes. “ No actually, you've been slacking sir, tis been a whole two hours since I’ve been told” she said smiling.

Tom threw his head back and laughed. “ Well I apologize for the long delay, but I” he leaned down and kissed her on the lips. “Love” another kiss “you” kiss “so” kiss “damn much”.

She smiled. “ I love you so much too, but there will never be enough kisses to make me forget that we have a tree to put up tonight, nice try on the distraction. Almost worked.” She winked as she pulled away from his arms.

Tom pouted before walking after her as she moved behind the tree and grabbed the fishing string she had put on the tree. “Okay, you got me, but you just look so good in that Christmas themed sweater.”

Her head popped around from behind the tree, pine needles sticking out from her braid. “Thank you, but let's just get the lights on at least and then we can just slowly work on the tree during the week when we have time. It is only December 1st, so we don't have to super rush.” she moved back behind the tree, her voice slightly muffled when she spoke again. “Okay, is the tree straight?”

Tom stepped back and looked. “Not yet, move it a little to right...a little more…right there perfect. Okay tie the line to the banister and we should be good, you might have to crawl under the tree to get out though.”

She tied it tight to the banister, and slid down into an army crawl and crawled her way out from under the tree, her sweater gathering all the little pine needles that had fallen when she and Tom had put it up. Tom gave her his hand and helped her up. She shook her sweater out and did a little shimmy to make sure it all got off. “I’m going to have some appear in January randomly. I swear, they will never disappear.”

They grabbed the christmas lights from a green box marked “Ribbons, all christmas colors” and grabbed three boxes full of previously used christmas lights. “Okay, lets plugs these in and see which ones work and if we need to take a trip to the store tomorrow”

Y/N ran to the kitchen with the lights and plugged the first one in. “Ah ha! This one looks good, maybe one out?” Tom gathered the batch and untangled them while she continued checking the batches of lights.

She was so focused on her task, that she didn't realise that Tom had grabbed to of the lights and snuck up behind her. “And this one looks like this only has a handful of….” she looked behind her and saw Tom smiling as he started to wrapped the lights around her.

She started laughing. “Tom, do I look like a pine tree?” He continued wrapping her up in the lights as she started giggling again. “Tom, what are you doing.”

He leaned in and kissed her on the lips, one his favorite parts of her body. “Because you looked absolutely ravishing right there standing in the glow of the lights that I had to wrap you up like a present.”

She threw her head back and laughed as he kissed her again on the neck and carried on with wrapping her in the lights, moving her arms to be above the lights. They both were in fits of giggles now, Y/N squatted down and picked up two of her lights she hadn’t checked yet and plugged them in, checking before motioning with her finger to Tom to come closer and she started slowly spinning him in lights as Tom started laughing more, kissing her everytime he faced her.

It’s crazy how some people meet as strangers and then in a blink of an eye, three years later they’re wrapping each other in soft glowing Christmas lights and giggling like little school children with a silly secret. It’s crazy how the world is unaware of Tom Holland’s girlfriend and how they’ve been dating each other for three years. It’s crazy how Tom, of all the jokes, memes, and tumblr posts about how Tom can’t keep a secret, is keeping the hardest secret he can hide from the world, one that he wants to shout from the highest mountain tops to the whole world. It’s crazy how after three years of love and anger, sadness and happiness, ups and downs, hard times and good, a little black box, stuffed in his flannel pocket,  just begging to be taken out. A question to be asked, the ring simple and beautiful, like her, just begging to be taken out of the box and put onto the finger of the person Tom loves the most.

The world is unknowing of two people slow dancing in their family room, wrapped in christmas lights, with soft christmas music playing in the background, unknowing of the soft kisses, soft “I love you’s” and especially unknowing of a quiet “will you marry me?” and a tear coming from Y/N’s eyes as she nods against his chest. A soft “yes” and more whispered “I love you’s” as the world continued on without knowing that two once strangers lives will be threaded together forever.