#this has frustrated me the whole day now. wHY. idiot jail for me >:[

[echowilds]

<- idiot who used a new skincare thing without testing it first and now has to deal with an itching rash directly on the face

[maybebanks]

Hurting

JJ Maybank x reader

⚠️: angst, sad, abuse

JJ had been knocking on your door for the past seven minutes. The two of you got into a fight about JJ being too wreckless. To which JJ got defensive and Y/n got even more mad.

JJ later realized that all she wanted was to keep her boyfriend out of jail.

So he came to...apologize. Or at least attempt to.

But he knew you could be stubborn, and since you weren’t answering, he was going to leave. Until the door opened. And your step father was standing on the other side.

JJ had never met your family. From what you’ve told him, they weren’t around much.

“The hell are you?” The man asked, he seemed busy. He was on the phone, and seemed impatient with JJ.

“Uh..I’m Y/n’s boyfriend,” JJ said, somewhat confident.

The man was instantly surprised, his eyebrows furrowed, but then he backed away from the door. Then gestured for JJ to come inside. So he followed.

Your step father was working, JJ guessed if he was a lawyer or some other businessman type. He had computers open on the kitchen island.

JJ stood still, he was going to wait for you, and not look too comfortable.

Before JJ could go upstairs to get you, your step father ended his phone call and invited him to sit down.

“So what’s your name Son?” He asked.

“JJ.” He shrugged.

He chuckled, “what’s your real name?”

JJ wanted to scoff, but he tried to be respectful, “that’s what they call me,”

“So Y/n is your girlfriend?” He asked as if he didn’t believe it.

Your step father wanted to know things about you, it didn’t matter what. And JJ wasn’t supposed to be here.

“Yes. She’s my best friend. Sweetest girl I’ve ever met,” JJ answered.

“Any other reason you like her? Her and I don’t have the strongest relationship. However, I know you don’t just like her because she’s ‘sweet’,” your father asked. Insinuating something else.

JJ was offended, and as far as he could tell, this man is an asshole.

JJ scoffed, “she can hold her own,”

Your step father responded with a chuckle, “I’m sure. But what I meant was, are you two having sex?” He said as more of a statement.

JJ didn’t know what to say. So he just resorted to what he would say to anyone else.

“Yeah we are.” JJ responded bluntly.

Your father sighed, his eyebrows raised, “Are you two at least being safe?”

“No sir. Very unsafe.” JJ joked, but it came off in a way that he wanted to provoke your step father.

“What’s going on down here?” Your voice could suddenly be heard. You were standing at the bottom of the stairs. Your voice was soft and angelic, but concerned.

“Y/n go to your room,” your step father said strictly.

JJ expected you to argue, but you didn’t. His stomach dropped when he saw your eyes fall. You nodded and didn’t even look at JJ.

JJ couldn’t be the reason your father was taking anger out on you. He wouldn’t let that be him.

He got up and grabbed your hand before you walked away.

“Hey, baby, I came to say sorry, about before,” JJ said, not letting go of your hand.

“What were you thinking? He’s gonna kill me,” you whispered.

“Why?” JJ asked.

“Because..I’m not allowed to...you know,” you suggested.

You looked back at your father who was in the kitchen, staring at you both.

JJ has never seen you more tense.

“He’s mad because of me, Y/n. I’m sure he won’t take it out on you. It’s not your fault.”

“Oh you’re sure? Huh,” you sighed, “you’re an idiot sometimes JJ,” you scolded.

You were right, JJ was beginning to feel guilty, “well then I’m staying here. I’m gonna protect you from my mistakes,” JJ said.

“You think...” you were about to insult him, but you realized it was no use, he should just leave before he makes things worse.

“I think I’m staying.” JJ stated.

JJ has known you long enough to tell what you did when you were nervous or scared. You would play with the rings on your fingers, or avoid eye contact. And if it was really bad you would struggle with your words.

Now, you didn’t know what to say. JJ was stubborn, and always has his mind set on protecting you.

“J, I can handle him,” you told him, pushing him gently towards the door.

“Has he ever touched you before, y/n/n?” JJ whispered.

Your throat immediately went dry, “What?” You nearly coughed. You understood why JJ would assume that based on his own life, so you weren’t offended.

“Has he ever layed a hand on you?” he repeated, “you know what I mean.”

You felt your heart rate pick up, “no. He’s just strict. You should leave,”

“Y/n, don’t lie,” JJ pleaded.

“I’m not talking about this right now. You need to leave.” you told him.

“I’m only leaving if you come with me,” JJ proposed.

“I...I can’t,” you mumbled.

“Yes you can, baby,” JJ pleaded.

You stepped back from him, “stop treating me like I need pity. I don’t. Please just leave. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“I’m not waiting a whole day to find out if your hurting,”

“I’m not hurting. I’m fine, JJ. Come on,” you nudged.

JJ stepped backwards out the door, “will you forgive me?” JJ asked, he wanted his girlfriend to be happy like she always was, he was truly sorry.

“You need to promise me something, though, okay?” You asked.

JJ nodded, “what is it?”

“You can’t come back here. Okay? Just...I’ll come to you.”

“No. Not a chance. What if something happens to you? No way.” JJ shook his head.

“Please. Nothing is going to happen to me! I told you. My step dad and I are fine,”

“Wait, your step dad? How long?” He was shocked he didn’t know.

“What?” You asked, gripping the frame of the door.

“Y/n, I don’t like this. How come you’ve never told me-“

“Jesus! We’re fucking fine,” you whispered the last part.

“Well I don’t belive you!” JJ retaliated.

You almost started crying right there, but you didn’t, you couldn’t do that. You decided to push him away.

“I hate you.” You said sourly, then closed the door on his face.

JJ was hurt. But he left your house anyway.

You turned around and nearly collapsed crying. But instead you immediately ran into your step father.

“So...my little girl has a boyfriend. And I didn’t know about it?” he shook his head in disbelief.

You frowned, looking at the floor, “I was going to tell you...but we weren’t really serious.”

“I think having sex is very serious.” He stated.

Your stomach dropped, “excuse me?”

“Yes, I know about that. That boy is honest, I’ll give him that,”

“It’s not true...um we’re not..we didn’t have..it,” you tried.

Suddenly he slapped you, his hand swinging across your face and colliding with your cheek. Bound to leave a bright red mark.

“If I wanted my daughter to be a slut I would have picked up a whore at the strip club,” he spit.

“I’m not your daughter,” you muttered. Trying to step away.

This angered him, you knew you shouldn’t have said that. He grabbed your hips tightly and pulled your frame into his body. Then he gabbed your butt and gripped it hard.

“No one, but me, touches you. Got that, you little bitch?”

You nodded slowly.

“I said! Do you fucking get it?!” He screamed in your face.

“Yes...yes sir,” you responded, every part of you shaking.

He didn’t say a word after that, just let you go, and resumed his business. You ran away up the stairs. Drowning in tears.

“She told me she hates me? Did you know that?” JJ asked John B and Pope.

They were discussing yours and JJ’s fight. They all heard the first part, and were mostly on your side. But they knew you would come around and forgive him. So that’s why they don’t understand why you’d don’t forgive Jj.

“Well did you say something to her? Other than “I’m sorry’ ?” Pope asked, logically.

JJ kicked a rock on the floor.

“Yeah, maybe...” JJ shrugged.

“What did you say?” John B interjected.

JJ frowned, “Just some bullshit about her dad,”

“Dude! Her dad is out of the picture! that’s a low blow, what if some chick started talking shit about your mom?” John B defended.

“No! Not her real dad. Her step dad. He’s living at the house with her,” JJ explained.

“Y/n has a step dad? Holy shit how did I now know that?” Pope paused in disbelief, “What’s wrong with him?” Pope asked.

“He’s just an asshole. I mean, he made it seem like I only date Y/n because we have sex? And when I asked her if he touches her she totally freaked! There’s definitely something going on there,”

John B face palmed, “you told him that you and Y/n had sex? Are you kidding me bro, no dad wants to hear that about their daughter,”

“Yeah and if I was Y/n and you said that I would totally freak. Are you...maybe..just assuming that becuase your dad hits y-“ Pope said but was interrupted by JJ.

“This is not about me! Okay?! Something wrong is going on there and I’m going to find out!” JJ exclaimed, frustrated at his friends.

At this moment, Kie arrived in her car. She hopped out quickly holding beers.

“Brought some refreshments, boys!” She shouted cheerfully. John B and Pope cheered, but JJ was about to leave anyway.

He walked near Kie and was going to use his bike to get to your house.

“Will you stop him, Kie?!” Pope called.

Kie nodded, “JJ where are you going?” Kiara asked him, putting her hand on his shoulder.

“To Y/n’s,” he shrugged.

“Why? She’s not home,” Kiara told him.

JJ paused what he was doing, “what do you mean she’s not home?!”

Kiara was startled, “um..I just saw her at the beach. She waved to me. I tried to invite her over but then she started surfing...so I didn’t. Is something wrong?”

“Surfing?” JJ asked, trailing off.

“Is everything okay?” Kiara repeated.

JJ sighed, “Kie...do you think Y/n could ever hate me?”

“What did you do?”

“I...I fucked up. I gotta go see her,” JJ blurted, then hopped on his bike and headed to the beach. Your favorite part of the outerbanks.

You weren’t catching any more waves. They weren’t big enough for a total wipe out and that’s what you thought you deserved.

You sat on your board, staring off at the boats miles away, wishing you were on one.

JJ saw you, in a black wet suit, just sitting there.

He grabbed the neck of his shirt and pulled it off, then, grabbed his board and started swimming out to you.

“Hey,” he said once he finally reached you.

You turned and saw him, “oh, hey,”

You avoided eye contact. There was something wrong. And JJ knew you would deny anything unless he acted as if he already knew.

“What happened after I left?” JJ said, copying your position on his own board.

You felt that rush of pain through you, the feeling you get when your about to cry, “we had an argument. I’m not suppose to come back until...until I break up with you,” you mentioned, trying to take deep breaths as if that would help contain the tears.

“No. No, no, no. Y/n, hey, can you look at me? Please, baby,” JJ could feel your suffering, and he didn’t know why.

“I’m tired JJ. So tired of it. I’m not good for you,” you croaked out, your voice cracking.

JJ’s heart broke, “yes you are. You’re the best thing I’ve ever had,”

“It has to be over,” you said in monotone, tears rolling down your cheeks in slow motion.

“Why.” JJ swallowed his urge to yell.

You shook your head, then the tears fell right into the ocean, “you were right. And I hate you for it. I hate it.” Your voice was shaking.

“Right about what? Y/n, whatever it is we can talk about it. Your safe with me,”

“I don’t want you to know! Can’t you understand that!?”

JJs eyes remained on you, but he couldn’t bare to see you crying. That’s when he noticed small circular bruises decorating your inner thighs. From the pattern, he could tell they were from fingers. And they wrapped around to your butt.

“He touches you there?” JJ almost whispered, his hand gently resting on your leg.

You tensed under his touch.

You didn’t respond, JJ moved your leg so he could get a better view, there were dozens. And some only beginning to heal.

“How could he do this to you, baby? It’s not right,”

You sniffled a bit, chest rising and falling quickly, “it’s my fault...I ...I did it to myself. These are .. it was an accident,” you mumbled, coming up with excuses still. Even when JJ knew the truth.

“Let’s go to shore, yeah?” JJ suggested.

“No. No. I’m not...I’m leaving J. Say goodbye and let me leave,” you begged.

JJ didn’t know if you were planning on drowning yourself or running away. He wasn’t going to let you leave.

You were falling apart. But JJ knew a little bit about being broken.

He pulled your board closer to him, until you eventually agreed and paddled to shore.

JJ helped you up and immediately pulled you into his chest. You were frozen for a minute, you didn’t hug him back. But then, you finally felt him, and hugged him back.

You were shaking from the cold of the water, JJ wrapped a towel around your back and kept you warm.

“I can’t lose you. I love you, Y/n. Never forget that, please,” JJ whispered.

You didn’t let go of him.

“You hear me?” JJ followed up, “Y/n, baby, I need you to tell me.”

“I...I love you too...” you sniffled.

JJs held your head in his hand. Shushing you, telling you everything is going to be okay.

Part 2

🤍 thankyou so much for reading! I am so greatful for 900 followers! hope you liked seeing JJ in this light, it was difficult to write on my part. 🤍

[cloud9in]

You’re the only one who’s writing poppy x mc fics sooo, i have a request “ bea is a bad girl (like in a gang) in high school and also went jail couple of times for getting in trouble in high school senior year poppy was new transfer student and after 2 months bea join back school and met poppy bea and they just click yk like a connection slowly they started dating and in school everyone was shocked to see bea in a relationship ( bad girl and new girl) poppy is always worried about bea and few days before graduation bea got hurt really bad and poppy gives bea 2 options that she has to choose between her or her this (gang).. bea didn’t say anything to her so poppy left, after 2/3 years they met in college bea was a different person but so does poppy they become enemies (no one knows why they hate each other) one day they were arguing and poppy shout at her and says why you're back and bea put her hand on her cheek and smile and say i am here to win you back because i love you 😬

Promises (Poppy x MC)

Part 1/?

Can i just say I'm absolutely invested in this plot? You've got me hooked on my own story, as hectic as my life is, this is enjoyable to write. I hope you like it as well @iamsimpforpoppy

Word count: 1.8k (i got carried away)

“You know what to do Jackson, same old shit.”

“Yeah but it feels like a movie every damn time”, Bea responds confidently as she unbuckles her seatbelt. She sports a black mask with a yellow bandana, a vivacious color worn by only the Southside Spades, a notorious street gang who were known for robbery, and occasional blood.

Bea found herself wrapped up in the world of gangs when she turned sixteen. But before that the brunette would assist in transporting goods, also known as hardcore drugs. There was plenty enough to go around so Bea could indulge in any she wanted. Drugs didn’t give her the high she craved though, instead it was the thrilling game of cat and mouse with the cops.

Every now and then she’d get thrown in the slammer overnight. But this particular evening earns her one year in the NY State Penitentiary. See, the cops never gathered significant evidence to build a case against her, even though she was well aware of Detective Steinhelm who had some sick obsession with her. Following her everywhere, until Bea confronted her directly after noticing the same black sedan parked a street down from her house.

But she played the game right, and nothing ever led back to her. Until now.

“Where’s the money Bradley? I feel like I’ve been kissing your ass all week, the boss needs it now.”

A skinny blonde boy who looks like he had better days grunts in annoyance, “You’ll get your money...I’m just a little short right now.”

“Time’s up Ken doll, you know Carter will have your head for this.”

“Maybe he doesn’t have to know. Maybe this can be between us…”, Bradley strides carefully towards the blonde, a disturbing grin on his face which screams junkie. “Back the hell up now.”

Bea pulled her knife out with ease and pointed it towards him. She didn’t plan on actually using it. Murder was way out her budget for a simple money pickup but she knew that it would scare the boy easily. Except he kicked the blade out of her hold which prompted it to screech across the concrete before coming to a stop. Before Bea could think her fists reacted as she intercepted a punch that aimed straight for her jaw. She twists Bradley’s arm and he falls on his knees in pain. With his back to her, she kicks him down until he’s flat on his stomach.

“What is it exactly that you plan on doing now Bradley?” The blonde boy struggles under Bea’s foot but manages to reach around and slash at her ankle with a surprise shiv. Bea yelps in pain before kicking his head, rendering him unconscious.

“Stupid idiot. Had to make this harder than it should’ve been.”

Bea eventually finds the stash of money hidden under his mattress, an amateur hiding place at best. She congratulated herself for another job accomplished (kinda) and headed home. What the seventeen year old didn’t expect was the repulsive sound of a siren filling her ears as she stepped out onto her driveway. Her blood rushed to her head when she spotted Detective Steinhelm among the police officers surrounding her and retorts, “oh come on. I thought I told them about you harassing me. What do you want? Back here to strip search me again?”

The older woman only watches the blonde in eerie silence before smiling and gesturing to a police officer. “Beatriz Jackson you have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do can be used against you in a court of law-”

“What the actual fuck!” Bea yanks her arms out of the officers reach which initiates a struggle for dominance. This was nothing new to her, but it still felt sickening. Like she was some pet.

“You have the right to have a lawyer present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you if you so desire.” Detective Steinhelm finishes speaking and approaches the still scuffling blonde, “if you keep resisting I will tase you myself.”

Bea bites back the urge to headbutt the old hag right in her stupid face but she didn’t need any extra charges, for whatever the hell it was she was being charged for.

“Tell me why the fuck I am being arrested and I’ll calm down.”

That’s when Bea notices a familiar (bruised up) face from earlier. His smirk was enough to eat at her skin and she felt burning hot rage.

“Your blood was found at the scene of Mr. Denbroughs assault. You are being arrested in the case of second degree assault with intent to hurt someone with a deadly weapon.”

***

Bea only got one year in prison due to her kickass lawyer Ina Kingsley who played the minor card at every opportunity given. She also pointed out the fact that the knife wasn’t bloodstained, and Bradley never had any stab wounds so there is no proof the weapon was ever used against him. And it technically wasn’t. Good thing she didn’t bring a gun instead.

She did miss her 18th birthday though. And a few months of her senior year. But that’s what summer classes were for right?

All eyes were on the blonde when she returned, and whispers spread throughout the school about a certain new girl. Bea paid no mind to the fingers that pointed in her direction but the newcomer did manage to catch her attention, and pretty quick at that.

“Hey Jackson, how was solitary confinement?”

“I heard they make you use the bathroom right through the tiny food slot.”

Bea rolls her eyes and pelts a piece of not-so-fresh bread right at Ford’s head. The other people at the table join in on the laughter and Bea shakes her head and smiles, “it was Juvie you dumbass, and they made us sit in a circle together every Thursday like we were in an AA meeting.

“That’s jail for babies, goldilocks here wouldn’t last a minute in a real prison”, Carter joins them at the table with a cocky smirk, yet his eyes soften when landing on Bea. She shares a similar look with him knowing they’ll have a real conversation later. Because they definitely didn’t get to have that when Bea was getting dragged away to the police station in cuffs, and every event after that.

“It’s our girl’s first day out, we have to celebrate. And it’s not like she’s on probation...right Bea?”

“I do have a curfew, and I’m on juvenile probation so…when we partying?” The crew laughs as Bea shrugs. Her mother will deal with it. Zoey scoots in next to the blonde and wraps her arm around her shoulder in a side hug. “So glad to have you back Bea, and we are not risking you breaking parole so let’s just go to a sport’s bar tonight.”

Bea nods her head in agreement as the first warning bell goes off and everyone starts to clean up. Zoey taps on her arm and points towards one of the farther tables where a lone figure sits, wiping her hands with a napkin. All Bea saw were blonde tresses until she turned and they made brief eye contact.

“She’s the new girl, Poppy Min Sinclair. Rumor is she’s got a rich white daddy. You should totally invite her to the party.”

“And why would I do that?”

Zoey squints her eyes and leans in closer, her hands under chin in thought, “she seems like the broody type, you two would click.” She laughs at Bea’s comical expression but the blonde can’t bother to look in her direction, she’s way too wrapped up in what little the stranger a few tables away had to offer. She would sit on that thought, Bea was not one to shy away from anything.

***

The two became friends quicker than anyone could think.

One day after school, Poppy’s car wouldn’t start. It just didn’t comply. You would think she’d be poised and call her mechanic to come fix it, but instead the blonde slumped against the driver’s side window and let out a visibly frustrated, high-pitched yelp. Bea watched her pace around the car and even...kick?...the front bumper with her heels in efforts to wake it up.

“You know I may be wrong but I think that only makes it worse..” She approaches the helpless blonde with a small grin. Poppy’s persistence amazed her though, she’s never seen anyone determined to beat a car up. An expensive one at that.

“I hope you have some idea how to fix it, unless you’re here to waste my time and ask me on a date.”

Woah.

Okay that definitely threw Bea on a whim. She lets out a sharp laugh and bites her lips in amusement. She strolls towards the front of her car, holding Poppy’s gaze the whole way. She liked that the blonde didn’t avert her eyes. “And if I did? We couldn’t take your car of course, it’s obviously impaired.”

Poppy smiles and turns to look at Bea properly. She checks out every inch of her with no visible shame. An assessment so to say, and she likes what she sees.

“It’s your lucky day Poppy, I happen to know a thing or three about cars, and I desperately want to get this thing working so we can go on that date.” She winks playfully but god does she mean it. Bea silently prayed that the blonde wouldn’t take it the wrong way, but she knew she won when Poppy didn't protest, instead getting comfortable under some shade and holding her hand out, “the stage is all yours Jackson.”

***

“So what you’re trying to tell me is that I can’t jump over this obvious not-so-protected fence?”

“Judging by the sign right next to it that says...oh wow who would’ve thought, “DO NOT ENTER”, I don’t think so”, Poppy deadpans. It didn’t phase Bea of course because she was already halfway up the fence when the blonde turned away from the sign. The girl had a point to prove, maybe not a valid one, but still a point.

Poppy pinches her eyebrows in exasperation before looking back up to a nonchalant Bea swinging her legs from the top of the fence. She winks down at the blonde, “join me?”

Poppy didn’t expect to be climbing fences with a charismatic girl who had the same color hair as her when she moved schools, but she found herself embracing every moment of it. Although the trip up there was a struggle and some.

“I swear to god there’s a wire in my ass.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“And we’re both going to end up in the hospital. Get. me. Down.”

Bea tries to hold in her laughter the whole way down but lets it loose when she sees Poppy still up there, partly hovering in the air. “Pops...I’ll catch you, don't worry. Climb down slowly.” She doesn’t. But Bea had her feet planted and ready because any moment with the sassy blonde was unpredictable.  And she loved it. Especially because she had Poppy engulfed in her arms and they were so close their noses touched.

Bea promised herself she’d kiss the girl next time.

***

“You’re...in a gang?”

Bea felt a clasp of cold air enter her lungs as she stared ahead. It wasn’t like she could hide it from Poppy. She has a reputation, and word has gotten around about the two getting close. This was just like that one time at the end of sophomore year where Bea met Kelly Hall, a beautiful girl with golden rimmed glasses. Unfortunately she only could imagine what could’ve been after whispers ended up right on the doorstep of Kelly’s parents, and she suddenly changed her number, and switched out of every class she had with Bea.

The blonde didn’t want to entertain the thought of Poppy doing the same, but this was a lifestyle she chose.

“I mean...how?”

Bea sighs and turns to look at her, “I fell into the wrong crowd. Or maybe it’s the right one because I never found a true home until I met them. They’re family, I wouldn’t expect you to get it though and I understand if you want to distance-”

“I of all people know what it’s like to not fit in Jackson. You’ve found people who make you feel safe. Maybe I don’t agree with the troubles that come with being in a gang but I don’t know the whole story.”

“Do you want to?”

Poppy wraps her arms around Bea’s and lays her head on her shoulder, “I want to know that you won’t get yourself hurt but I know that’s nearly impossible.”

Bea exhales slowly, not knowing what to say. She knew that this would upset Poppy but her acceptance meant more. She didn’t know what this would mean for the two of them, if there was a “them”, but she felt more encouraged to share more of her other life with the blonde.

“Just promise me one thing Jackson.”

“Yeah?”

Poppy’s voice comes out softer than expected, and Bea ingests every emotion that comes with it, “Promise me you won’t ever put yourself in a position where you have to choose between me or the gang.”

Bea finds her hand in the space where their thighs touched and latches onto it like a lifebuoy,

“I promise.”

***

“I just remembered something Poppy.”

“What, that you have half a brain cell? I thought that was established Jackson.”

Bea launches a pillow that (purposely) misses Poppy’s head by an inch. If she actually hit her and frizzed up her locks then she’d never hear, or see..or walk again.

“I’m being serious. I just remembered this too, we never went on that car date we talked about.”

Poppy squints her eyes in confusion, but was fully aware of what Bea was referring to. “You mean the first time we met?”

The blonde smiles to herself as she replayed that day in her head over and over again. She couldn’t decide if Bea’s openly flirty behavior is what drew her in or if it was her ability to fix any of her possessions with ease. And for free.

Bea pulls Poppy up by her hands until her back is against the lockers. Another perfect opportunity for the blonde to make do of that promise she made to herself, but something told her to wait just a bit longer. “So what do you say? Poppy Min Sinclair, will you go on a date with me?”

Poppy rolls her eyes playfully, pulling Bea in closer by the collar of her letterman, “now who’s being dramatic?”

“I didn’t hear a no”

“I think you know what the answer is.”

That night Zoey helped Bea prep for her first date with the girl that she could say she was almost in love with. The taller girl brushed some dust off of Bea’s jacket and planted her hands on her shoulders, “remember Jackson, give her the ride of her life. And I mean that in every way possible.”

Thanks Zoe.

Bea watched Poppy drive up in front of her house and something inside her mind couldn’t deny the pang her heart let out when she saw Poppy smile the way she did.

Bea took control of the driving and told Poppy to recline her seat and enjoy the ride, with her seatbelt on of course. Safe sacrifices. They cruised through an empty highway blasting Poppy’s spotify playlist named “Rich Bitch Songs” because that was their ideal perfect date. It’s amazing that the two could even come to an agreement, but here we are.

She watched the beautiful blonde sing her lungs out and couldn’t help but mirror her joy, taking her hands off the steering wheel. The pump of adrenaline prompts a new excitement in the air and Poppy wraps Bea into a secure hug, her hair flying wildly with the wind. Bea slows the car down but the rapid beating of her heart made it seem they were going 100 miles per second.

“I feel so alive Jackson.”

Bea stared at the girl in the passenger seat with a look that could only be described as love.

“You make me feel alive.”

Poppy kept talking and Bea found a way to focus on both the road and the blonde next to her. Because when you truly enjoy something, you’ll find a way to keep experiencing it. And Bea enjoyed hearing Poppy’s voice, she loved everything about her.

“I feel like kissing you.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“...Nothing. I should’ve done this a long time ago.”

They kiss when Bea pulls over.  A hot feeling consumes them like fire when their tongues collide and Bea plants her hands around Poppy’s hips, pushing her back into her seat until she’s on top. The windows easily start to fog up in reaction to the heat, and not once did they take their hands off each other.

Promise 1/2 kept

--------------------------------------------------------

End Note: This chapter was to build their relationship, more angst incoming. BIG THANKS to @somewillwin for letting me use Jackson <3333

Taglist: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme @baexpoppy @poppysmc @doey-eyes8 @veenast @straightlikewetspaghetti @phoennixxsblog @a-ghost-girl

[miyanom]

DEVILS PARADISE (part three)

SERIES MASTERLIST | JEAN KIRSTEIN X FEM!READER

synopsis: as the plan for trost begins, y/n finds herself questioning everything she was once taught about the island devils.

warnings: nothing I can think of, but lmk if you think otherwise!

word count: 1884

The Titan swiftly brought its hand down, grabbing the boy in its tight grasp. Screams fell from his lips as he looked back to his comrades, his friends, who watched on in horror as he was brought closer and closer to the Titan’s mouth.

Suddenly, the screams were silenced as the Titan’s mouth snapped shut, the boy nearest to it taking off into a sprint, fearing he would be next.

“Marcel!”

Y/N’s eyes shot open as she jumped up in fright, one palm pressed to her chest as she took sharp breaths, her heart pounding loudly within her chest.

As her eyes began to adjust to the light coming through the curtains of the dorm, she noticed Christa sitting at the end of the bed, a concerned look painted across her visage. “-you okay?”

Blinking away the tears in her eyes, Y/N looked around the room, slowly bringing herself back to reality.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she breathed out, glancing back in Christa’s direction. “Yeah. Sorry, what happened?”

“You were having a nightmare,” Mina commented from the other side of the room. Her hands were holding onto her hair, most likely in the middle of tying it before Y/N woke up.

“Oh…”

“Who’s Marcel?” Ymir spoke bluntly, her arms crossed as she stared in Y/N’s direction. “You got a boyfriend you never told us about?”

“Wh- what? How do you-”

Christa, still sitting at the end of Y/N’s bed, frowned with concern. “You were muttering his name in your sleep,” she explained.

Ignoring the gazes still pointed in her direction, Y/N pushed the blanket off her lap, kicking her legs over the side of the bed as she rubbed her eyes tiredly.

“He’s just…” Her eyes met Annie’s, who lingered in the back of the room. Quickly she averted her gaze. “Someone from the past.”

Watching as the girls continued to get ready for the day of training ahead of them, a shaky breath fell from Y/N’s lips.

They cared, they cared but for how long?

No, they didn’t really care. How could they? They didn’t know who she was, what she was.

She wasn’t a soldier, she was a warrior, a monster, and this was her mission. That’s all it was, a mission.

And yet, for some reason, she couldn’t prevent the terrified feeling clawing at her chest at the idea of the people around her finding out what she truly was.

Why did she care so much for these devils?

If there was one thing Y/N didn’t understand about Paradis’s military, it was the ranking system they had.

The harder you trained, the further away from the Titans you could be. It made no sense to Y/N. Wouldn’t they want their strongest on the front lines battling what they thought was humanity’s only predator?

But instead, if you were ranked in the top 10, you were given a chance the other cadets wouldn’t get; the chance to join the Military Police and find sanctum inside Wall Sina.

Ranking at 5th, it gave Y/N the option to join the Military Police, an option she’d quite possibly take if she were from this hell. But the plan was set in motion already, she was to join the scout regiment and ensure the devils didn’t come close to finding out what lies beyond their walls.

With a sigh, Y/N raised her cup to her lips, ignoring Christa’s laughter from the other end of the table as the girl laughed at a joke Sasha had told.

Her eyes scanned the dining hall, falling onto Reiner and Bertholdt’s figures as they headed outside, followed by Annie just a few minutes later.

“Hey, I think- I think I’m gonna head back early,” Y/N spoke up, her eyes flickering back to Christa and Ymir.

“Huh? Okay… we’ll see you when we’re done here,” Christa smiled softly, watching Y/N stand up and grab her plate.

“Right.”

Y/N dreaded the meetings she’d share with the other warriors. Led by Reiner, with Annie constantly reminding them they should’ve just gone back to Marley, they were truly horrible.

“Out of all people, I just had to be ranked lower than her!” Jean’s complaint snapped Y/N out of her thoughts, causing her to come to a stop next to him.

“Jean…” Marco’s eyes flickered between the two as they glared at each other. Of all times for Jean to complain, he just had to have the unfortunate timing of speaking as Y/N walked by.

“What was that, Jean?” Her voice came out softly, though the look in her eyes was anything but.

“You heard me.” Jean stood up to face her. “How the hell did I rank lower than you of all people?! You never even tried in training, always acting weaker than you are. Come on, Y/N!”

Y/N’s glare faltered as a laugh fell from her lips, making the boy in front of her stare in confusion. Though just as suddenly as her laughter started, it stopped again. “You’re just angry that your little ego was bruised cause a girl ranked higher than you.”

Jean’s mouth opened, clearly wanting to object, but the words just didn’t seem to come out as he continued to open his mouth, quite literally looking like a fish out of water.

Not that Y/N could tell him that, obviously.

With his jaw clenched in anger, Jean fell back into his seat. An action that shocked those surrounding him. If his fights with Eren were anything to go by, then this was quite unusual for him.

“Whatever.” Y/N clicked her tongue in frustration, dropping her plate into the tray by the door on her way out.

She was just glad that in a few days time, Jean would be well on his way to the interior and she would never have to see him again.

She pitied the devils, sure, she believed they didn’t truly deserve what was coming. But Jean? He was a whole different story.

Y/N just didn’t understand why it was so easy for him to get under her skin in a way no one else had — not even Reiner.

“The time’s right.” Reiner stated, keeping his head down, avoiding the gazes of his comrades as he explained his plan to attack the gate of trost during their upcoming assignment.

“Five years and now you think the time is right?” Annie scoffed with a roll of her eyes.

Y/N could see their lips moving as they bickered amongst themselves, but the words didn’t reach her ears as she thought back to the day they first arrived inside the walls.

The screams she heard and the faces she saw below as the armoured titan trampled through Shiganshina… they were going to do it again.

Only this time it would be worse for the Eldians.

So many lives would be taken, so many innocent lives. The lives of the family that took her in, that gave her a home before she left for the military.

Was this really necessary?

“Of course it’s necessary.” Y/N’s eyes widened as Reiner spoke, making her realise she must’ve spoken aloud. “You’re not… you’re not hesitating, are you?”

“I just- there has to be another way to get the founding titan,” she said. “Do we really have to break through the gate again? Do we have to kill any-”

“Y/N.” Bertholdt cut her off, meeting her gaze with a softer look than the glare she was receiving from Reiner. “We’re Warriors, remember?”

Biting back the shout that threatened to escape from her throat, Y/N nodded her head, opting to keep silent as she averted her gaze once more.

The conflicted feeling that constantly weighed down on her chest seeming even heavier than ever as the three across from her continued to talk, continued to plot against the Eldians they had been sharing meals with for the past three years.

Her head fell into her hands for a moment, hiding the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes.

Had she really stooped so low as to call these people her friends, only to turn around and kill those they held dear?

Was this truly the only way for them to be free?

The next few days went by fast, too fast. The thought of what was to happen in Trost leaving Y/N to question everything she had been taught, everything she once believed.

And as she stood atop the wall, helping the other cadets with the fixed cannons, she couldn’t help but look over toward the edge, wondering when Bertholdt would make his move.

Sasha walked over, the odd bounce in her step managing to snap Y/N out of her thoughts. "Um, everyone... I bought meat from the officers' storehouse," she whispered, opening her jacket slightly so they could see.

Y/N’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. If her time with the family in Trost taught her anything, it was that meat was extremely precious with the land lost to Wall Maria’s fall.

"Sasha, do you want to end up in jail?!" Eren questioned.

"You really are an idiot!" Samuel sighed.

"Idiots are scary..." Connie murmured.

Sasha stared off into the distance dreamily, probably thinking about the taste of the meat she held so delicately. "Let's all split it... We can slice it and make sandwiches!"

Realising she should speak up before anyone thought she was siding with Sasha, Y/N pushed herself up onto her feet. “You can’t be serious, Sasha!”

Mina nodded in agreement. "After all the land we lost, meat is really valuable."

"It's fine!" Sasha brushed it off, carrying it over to a nearby box. "Once we retake the land, we can raise cows and sheep again."

Retake Wall Maria, Y/N repeated to herself. They truly had no idea what was coming if they believed that to be possible…

Samuel took a deep breath. "I'll have some of the meat, too!"

"M-me too!" Connie added. "Get it ready!"

"I also will, of course!" Mina grinned.

Unable to stop herself, Y/N nodded her head slightly, keeping her eyes focused on the cloth in her hands as she refused to look any of them in the eye.

"You guys..."

"Why are you standing there, Eren?" Samuel suddenly asked. "We need to get back to work, or they'll find out."

"It isn't lunch time yet." Mina waved.

Just as Y/N leaned back down to clean the cannon, a familiar strike of lightning hit the ground just in front of the wall, sending a harsh gust of wind in their direction.

With her heart hammering in her chest, Y/N realised this was it. It’s begun… there was no turning back now.

More people were going to lose their lives, and amongst them, were people she had grown to care for during her time pretending to be a soldier.

Slowly lifting her head, she could see the Colossal Titan glaring down at them, her eyes meeting his.

Her heartbeat only seemed to grow louder, drowning out Eren’s order to attack as she continued staring upward.

Was this necessary? She asked herself again.

Was this truly the only way for them to be free?

[ukiyo-vibes]

Ooo, heard you needed some writing requests from a little birdie, anywho, may I have an S/O who gets saved from a bully by Fuyuhiko? It can go any direction you would like from how Fuyu saved the S/O to how he cared for their wounds (if S/O had any), but it should end with some fluff. Let your imagination run ^^

First request, baby! I actually really enjoy writing for Fuyuhiko, so thanks, I guess.

(Oh wow this turned out really long sorryyyy)

Fuyuhiko Saving his S/O from Bullies

You walked down the halls as dozens of other students streamed past you, keeping your head down so they didn't recognize you. But when you turned the corner into a more empty hallway, you realized it didn't matter. Two boys and a girl were huddled around an open locker, as one of the boys took textbooks and homework out. You figured it must be his locker, but at this point it didn't matter. Your next class was just past them, and you couldn't walk around the other way cause you were already running late.

Timidly, you tried to sneak past them, but to your disdain, you suddenly heard a female voice behind you. "Hey!"

Flinching, you turned only to be greeted by the face of Komatsu Akira, hands on her hips and wavy blonde hair flowing down her shoulders. "Don't think I didn't see you over here." The rest of the trio, the tall, attractive Suzuki and notoriously aggressive Hayakawa, joined her on either side, grinning maliciously.

"W-what do you want?" you stammered. You tried to act confident, but inside, you were terrified of them. And you had every reason to be. These three had been the popular, mean kids for as long as you could remember, and for some reason they had chosen you as their target.

"Wha, wha, what do you think?" Suzuki laughed, mocking your stutter. "We want what we always want."

"Yeah, cough up, bitch! Where's the booze at?" Hayakawa nabbed your backpack from your hands, and despite your protests, started ruffling through it. You trembled, because you knew you hadn't gotten it. Why would you? You weren't gonna risk going to jail to support a couple teenagers' alcohol addictions.

While this was happening, Komatsu was roughing you up, shoving your back against the locker and getting up in your face. You could see Hayakawa's face getting more and more frustrated as he searched through your pockets, and you knew it was only a matter of time before he gave up, and you would be punished in some sort of humiliating way. Last time, they wrote "IDIOT" on your forehead in permanent marker, and it took almost a week to wash off. You shuddered thinking about what else they could come up with.

But then, just as you thought it was finally going to happen, someone turned the corner. You recognized the boy from a couple of your classes, but you never learned his name. He had a pretty small build, with short, blond hair. From what you'd seen of him, he seemed kind of aggressive, which was partly why you stayed away from him.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" he shouted down the hallway." The group immediately turned towards the sound, and you heard Hayakawa curse quietly. You looked over at Suzuki and noticed that he looked completely pale. You didn't know why, the boy wasn't exactly super intimidating.

"Hey, mind your own business, why don't you?" Komatsu retorted angrily. The boy ignored her, and ran over to you. You silently thanked him. After all, who knows what could've happened if he hadn't interrupted?

He snatched your backpack from Hayakawa's hands and glared at him. "You were going through her stuff, weren't you?" You stared at the ground, wishing this whole day could just be over. "Yeah, what's it to ya? Get outa here, this isn't about you." Hayakawa reached for the bag again, but the boy swatted his hand away.

Suzuki leaned over Hayakawa's shoulder. "D-dude, I think we should go," he stammered, nervously. Komatsu made a face. "What are you so afraid of?" Meanwhile, the boy held his stare.

"Here are your options right now," he said, venom dripping from his words. "Either you get the fuck out of here and never let me see your faces again, or I get you expelled."

"Expelled?! Ha! Yeah right, pussy." Komatsu laughed in his face. Even you had to admit, he sounded like he was spouting off a copypasta. But Suzuki looked absolutely petrified.

"Guys seriously, let's go," he urged. Hayakawa turned to him, astounded. "What? Dude, you can't seriously be afraid of this kid."

"Bro, that's Fuyuhiko. As in Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu?"

"Wait, Kuzuryuu?" Komatsu's confidence faltered. She thought for a moment, and then her expression fell. "You don't mean..."

Meanwhile, Hayakawa was having the same reaction. Now you were really confused. This Fuyuhiko guy claimed to have enough power to get these kids expelled, and his name made the teenagers who had been terrorizing her for months now practically wet their pants? What the hell was going on here?

"Yep, that's right. Now scram." The bullies immediately scrambled away like scared little puppies. You watched them run away in awe. Did this mean that it was finally over? No more having to steal alcohol and risk going to jail for those jerks? You almost broke down crying, you were so happy.

Fuyuhiko rushed over by your side. "Are you okay? It looked like they were roughing you up pretty good."

You blushed. "N-no, I'm okay," you said softly. Then, you remembered how everything went down, and you were suddenly confused again. "So wait, what was all that?"

He grinned sheepishly. "I... might be a mob boss?"

Your jaw dropped. Surely he was kidding, right? Then again, that would make sense as to why he influence over the headmaster. But still, how could you not have known something like this??

Even though you said you were fine, he still checked your arms for any bruises. As his fingertips grazed your shoulders, the two of you held eye contact for a couple seconds. You took in the way the sunlight glinted off his eyes, and the grooves carved into the side of his hair, until you both realized how awkward things were getting. You looked away from each other, laughing a little. Obviously you weren't in love with the guy you just met...

..were you?

{fin}

[specialagentartemis]

Hi, I just wondered if you'd be up for saying a bit about your OC Rebecca Lambert? Cos I saw you mention her on my post and I am very intrigued...

(Feel free to ignore this if you don't feel like talking about her.)

Absolutely! I love to talk about Rebecca! I originally came up with her when thinking about Lovelace coming back from space and having to go tell her crews’ families what happened. Rebecca was kind of a vehicle for Lovelace Angst. Which is still very good, but she’s also spiralled out into a character of her own.

Rebecca Lambert is Sam Lambert’s older sister. She’s three years older than he is. I usually write them as Potawatomi through their dad's side. They were close when they were kids—she was louder, more outspoken, though they’re both equally argumentative. She would end up punching bullies for him sometimes at school, which he didn’t really appreciate because he’s anxious and self-conscious about everything. As kids, they would spend a lot of time sitting and reading quietly in the Shawnee public library. Rebecca liked to read books about history and contemporary/literary; Sam liked to read sci-fi. Those days in the library instilled in Rebecca a love of libraries, and in Sam a love of space and a desire to get out and see the world.

They were never really anybody special growing up. Rebecca got more political, more interested in community and activism; Sam spent his time reading books and watching the airplanes take off from the airport and dreaming about being somewhere else. At 18 went to college at the University of Oklahoma and then did a Master’s in Library Science. That was kind of the last straw for Sam; his dad was from Shawnee, his mom was from Tulsa, no one in his family had left Oklahoma in a generation or more, he wanted to get out and go places and be somebody.

So he went into the Air Force academy, and he and Rebecca had their first real big fight over that. Rebecca couldn’t understand why he wanted to leave; Sam couldn’t understand why she wanted to stay.

Rebecca grew up to be an avowed socialist/anarcho-syndicalist (depending on who she’s madder at at the moment); she wants to be a community organizer but doesn’t really have the people skills for it. She works at the Shawnee Public Library and it’s her calling, but fighting against conservative town policies and conservative town budgets is a full-time job in its own right.

When Sam told her he was going to be an astronaut, going to go to space, they had a fight about that too. Rebecca didn’t want him to go, didn’t trust Goddard, didn’t understand why he’s always felt the need to get as far away from Shawnee as possible; Sam, anguished and frustrated, responded with “Why can’t you ever just be happy for me?” and her answer was, bluntly, “I don’t want you to die in space, you idiot!” She loves her brother. She really does. Even if she doesn’t understand any of his life choices.

And then he went to space and never came back. And Goddard Futuristics refused to tell her or anyone in her family what happened.

This began her campaign to pry that information out of them. It… didn’t go that well; in their eyes, she was a nobody from nowhere, with no power. And all information about Captain Lovelace’s mission had been scrubbed from the internet.

But Rebecca was angry and determined, and after some years of no responses, she eventually made a small news story in a Florida paper by driving to the Goddard HQ, parking her pickup truck on their lawn, and banging on the door yelling “WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER, YOU BASTARDS?”

And guess who, at that point, was monitoring the news for information about mysterious astronaut deaths connected to Goddard?

So about a week after she was released from jail, threatened by Goddard’s lawyers, kicked out, and returned home to Shawnee, she gets a phone call. “Hello. My name is Dominik Koudelka, and I’m a reporter. Goddard Futuristics killed my wife. I think we might be able to help each other uncover the truth.”

Finally, finally, someone is listening.

Dominik comes to meet her and talk to her. She takes him to the library. See, Goddard can scrub information from the internet… but they can’t touch microfilm. And she has a copy of the local newspaper on microfilm from when Sam’s shuttle launched, which she goes back to every once in a while… to prove to herself that she’s not making this up, that this all really happened. And she shows Dominik. “Here. This was my brother’s mission. They were supposed to come back three years ago, but they never did, and Goddard wants to pretend the whole thing never happened.”

But Dominik is staring at something else.

“Who’s that?” he asks, and points at the older man in the crew photo.

Rebecca has read this article enough times to name everyone in the photo. “That’s the science officer, Elias Selberg.”

“No…” Dominik says, “No, his name is Hilbert, and he was on my wife’s crew.”

They both realize, right then, that there is so much more being kept secret than two missing space crews. And they have a lot more people to find and contact now, and a much bigger investigation.

.

And thus begins Rebecca’s entry into what @geejaysmith and I call The OC Investigation Squad, a collection of OC family members left behind on Earth who band together and have investigations while the main plot of the show is going on, trying to uncover the Truth about Goddard and bring them down.

[thepancakeboi]

An Unexpected Growth Spurt

So it barely took five minutes before this idea by @hetyra sent me down the rabbit hole of getting ideas and hyperfocusing on it rather than my current stuff. Whoops? No regrets. These types of fun reactions, where Ren is being such a goddamn menace towards Goro, are among my favorite to write. I will disclose this right now: I know very little about the storyline of Persona 5 Strikers outside of “sequel set in the summer after Persona 5 events″. As a result, it’s only there as a timing thing and a reference, but it’s fine. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this writing that gave me dopamine and serotonin in spades!

01/01/2018, 10:39 AM > Ren: Meiji Shrine it is! I can’t wait to see you.

I keep looking at that last text over and over as I stand here by the torii, awaiting Ren’s arrival. It’s been over a year since I last saw him. I’m lucky I was even able to get in touch with him, but...was coming here a mistake?

I’m not the type to get nervous, but I never thought I would see him again. With everything that happened between us, he shouldn’t even want to meet up with me. That and he probably assumed I was dead. The last time I saw him was in the engine room of Shido’s Palace. That place should have been my grave, yet somehow I had survived. I hadn’t told anyone. Truth be told, I hadn’t wanted anyone to know I was alive.

I...simply wanted to disappear.

Even now, I have the urge to leave before I can potentially reunite with Ren. Whatever had come over me last night, in that spur of the moment decision to text Ren after a year of silence, is gone. This whole idea is a mistake. He has much better ways to spend his time than wasting it on me. He’s probably been with his precious friends doing who knows what. There’s no way he needs someone like me in his life. He’s got all the people he could ever want. That’s it. I’m leaving now, before-

“Goro? Is that you?”

I freeze. His voice is a little deeper than I remember, but I would know it anywhere. I turn around, my heart leaping in my chest at seeing Ren. Although he’s not wearing his glasses this time, he hasn’t changed a bit. Even his hair is as unkempt as ever. It’s almost like I went back in time, to days where I wasn’t his (attempted) murderer. There are so many things I want to say, but all I can manage is a simple, “Hey, Ren.”

And he grins. Yet another thing that hasn’t changed: that beautiful smile. I can tell he’s barely stopping himself from running and pulling me into a hug as he approaches. I’m thankful for his restraint. There’s no telling what my reaction would have been. “Hi, Akeppi.”

I huff, shaking my head. “I was hoping you forgot that damn nickname.” And me as well, some small part of me silently adds.

“You know you like it.” Smug as ever, the menace. “I missed you. Where have you been? You never told me.”

Straight to the point, I see. I had very purposefully avoided the dogged questions about how I was alive or where I’d been. It didn’t seem like the type of thing to discuss through instant messages. This needed to be a face-to-face conversation. “I was at a rehab center, believe it or not.”

“You were?”

Nodding, I force myself to continue. He deserves to know what happened. “It’s outside of Tokyo...and it’s where my mother would go. I went there on Christmas Eve without an appointment, but they accepted me anyway. The only time I had left between then and now was when I heard word that you were being detained.”

“Oh?”

“I couldn’t just sit by and do nothing. After all, you did change Shido’s heart for me. So, I helped your friends track down the woman in your assault case.”

“Wait, did they know you were alive and didn’t tell me?”

“No, nothing like that,” I reassure him, letting Ren know that his friends hadn’t kept my survival a secret from him. “I gave them what information I could find, anonymously, of course. They probably wouldn’t have accepted it if they knew who it came from.”

“Come on, give them a little more credit than that.”

I don’t think I can, especially when two of my victims had been Futaba Sakura’s mother and Haru Okumura’s father. “Either way, what about you? You’re a third-year now, yes?”

“Yeah. A lot’s happened since...” He stops for a moment. Something tells me the reason he stopped isn’t pleasant. Could it be he was about to say “since our last fight”, or something of that caliber? He quickly snaps out of it, though, beaming once again as he continues. “Oh, I saved Christmas by summoning satan to shoot god in the face!”

If he were any other person, I might have figured him insane. Even so, I can’t hide my surprise as I stammer, “You...what?”

“We went into the depths of Mementos to find its treasure. Never want to go there again. And then we fought the holy grail, which was really a god who was controlling everyone. I summoned this huge Persona, Satanael, and we shot god in the face!”

I chuckle at that. It all sounds so impossible, yet anything’s possible in the Metaverse. “If only I could have seen such a sight.” Upon seeing Ren’s melancholy look, I quickly add, “What else happened after that?”

“I went back home in March.” He doesn’t seem too thrilled about that detail. I know he preferred living at Leblanc over with his own parents, who never seemed to contact him while he was on probation. “And then I came back for summer vacation with the rest of the Phantom Thieves. But then the Metaverse came back, and these places called Jails were showing up, and...well, it’s a long story.”

“Perhaps for another time. Your life certainly has been interesting.”

“I wish you could’ve been there, but I’m happy you’re still alive. I...didn’t know what happened to you. Everyone else thought you were dead, but I just couldn’t believe it. I kept hoping that you weren’t. I really did miss you, Goro.” And I believe it, somehow.

“I apologize for not contacting you until yesterday. I know I should have. I cannot imagine what you must have gone through, and-”

“It’s okay!” he replies, a little too quickly. It makes me wonder how he handled my supposed death. I won’t pry. If he wants to tell me one day, it’ll be when he wants. He finally pulls me into the hug he’s likely been waiting for this whole time, gently running his fingers through my hair. “Your hair’s shorter than before.”

“Is that a problem?” I know it’s only a simple observation, but I can’t help but assume he doesn’t like it.

“No. I just noticed. That’s all. You look cute with short hair.”

“I’m not cute,” I immediately retort.

“Are too.”

“Well, you haven’t changed a-” I pause. Some small detail is pulling at my attention, but what is it? “Wait a minute. Did you...?”

“Did I what?” he asks, clearly as confused as I am.

I move out of his embrace to back up a few steps, looking at his footwear. He isn’t wearing heels, which means... “Have you...grown since we last saw each other?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, a little. Why?”

“How much?”

“I dunno, five centimeters?”

“Damnit,” I hiss. “Who said you were allowed to have a growth spurt!?”

Clarity lights up his face as he realizes the reason for my irritable reaction. “Oh, right. You hated when I was taller as Joker. Does it bother you that I’m taller than you now?”

“Shut up.”

He laughs. “I love it. It’s nice seeing you as the smaller one.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

He fake gasps. “He swore! Are you angy, my adorable little detective?” he asks, his voice sounding all cutesy. Goddamn menace.

“What do you think!?”

He is obviously smug that he’s now taller than me by two centimeters. His grin only widens as he pats my head. I try to smack his hand away, but he moves it away before I can. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Even more so since I’m taller than you.”

“Infuriating as ever,” I snarl, my patience running thin. He’s being so cocky that I want to fucking strangle him. “I should wear heels just to be the taller one.”

“I don’t think you could.”

“Is that a challenge, Ren?”

“I dunno.” He shrugs, but I see right through the gesture. He knows exactly what he’s doing. “You tell me, detective. Is it a challenge?”

“I think it is, and I don’t intend to lose. I can and will wear heels. Watch me.”

“Even if you did, I could just wear heels as well,” he replies with a shit-eating grin to match his tone, “and run in them, too.”

I sigh in frustration, crossing my arms. I hate that I know he’s right. The Metaverse is enough indication of that. “You little shit.”

“You’re the little one, not me.”

“Shut up, Ren.”

“Make me,” he says as he gets right in my face, smirking as I instinctively lean back. “You could always kiss me into silence.”

There’s no hiding my flushed reaction to his suggestion. “You fucking wish, you idiot,” I snap, trying to ignore just how hot my face feels.

“Yeah, I do, my little tsundere pancake.”

Oh, of course, he had to mention the pancakes. Of fucking course. “I hate you so much.”

“I still don’t believe you. We both know that’s a lie.”

“Damn you and your two centimeters,” I say right before I recklessly kiss him on the lips.

I can see the ever so slight surprise on Ren’s face. He hides it well. His mirth at the unexpected kiss is clear as he asks, “Now, was that really so bad?”

“Yes.” No.

“Why’d you do it, then?”

“To get you to shut up.” I’ve been wanting to for a while now.

“Sure, sure,” he laughs. “Hey, would you want to get some lunch together? My treat.”

I’m glad he asked first. Truth be told, I wanted an excuse to spend more time with him. I’ve missed Ren more than I care to admit. “Sounds delightful. You can choose the location, but I’m paying.”

“Hey, no. I’m buying lunch, and you can’t stop me.”

“I’m paying, and that’s final.”

“Okay, how about we leave it up to chance? Whoever ends up with the bill pays. Deal?”

“Very well. You have a deal.” I’m still not letting him pay, though, even if it means resorting to more...underhanded methods.

He takes my hand in his, the small gesture of affection almost causing me to tear up. No one’s cared about me like Ren has. I don’t deserve it, but I doubt arguing that with him would get anywhere. It would be fruitless. All I can hope is that he’ll be happy around me.

And, for the first time in a year...I smile.

[fairycosmos]

i hate grief bc i've wanted to die my whole life and thinking about the person i lost never wanted to make me stay but now that they are the ones who died i'm angry as fuck every day and feel trapped but i know that if it had been me the one to die it would have been ok and i wouldnt even have worried about it/hurting ppl with my death. like every day i do H and get drunk and i dont care about dying you know? but i lost someone and it makes me angry that THEY didnt care. do you get what i mean?

i am really really sorry for your loss. yeah. i know what you mean, at least to an extent. everyone’s grief and suffering is unique to them and the relationship they had with the one who passed, but i can relate so much to being trapped and mad and out of my mind. i think a lot of people can. it seems like so many of us are walking around half disillusioned by this existence and half completely done with it because of the shit we’ve been through. every day i feel a form of anger (most of the time it is cold and numbing) when i think about how my sister died. i have gone round and round in my head about why she did the things she did. because even if it wasn’t fully preventable, it wasn’t cancer or a car crash or anything like that. when i found out what she had in her system. god. i can not explain to you what that moment was like. it fucking choked me. all i remember is i felt my heart beating somewhere in my head, and i was PISSED. i thought i was going to pass out. because it’s like you said - she didn’t care, and that was almost like proof. she went to sleep thinking nothing of anything. mindless. after weeks of lecturing her, after her constant presence in my life, all that time. after years of her fucking around w other drugs and finally finding stability only to slip for less than a month bc of some fucking man, only to lose her entire life to a mistake - it’s inexplicable. i can sit here and write to you about it but i still cant’t fathom it. how she didn’t give a fuck, or she couldn’t see the situation clearly enough to. and now i’m living this forever without her. now i have to take care of my mother alone. now i’ve lost my best friend. and she lost everything. she was a whole person, she would’ve had years left and she deserved to. and the only reason she didn’t is because she couldn’t fuckin accept how much she was worth, how much life was worth so she gambled w death. what i’m saying is i understand that in a way, maybe a selfish way, i don’t know -  it almost feels mocking. because we’ll never know if they realize what they’ve done. after she died that’s all i could repeat out loud in the shower. i kept saying: you don’t know what you’ve done. idiot, stupid girl. shit like that. every time i tried to talk to her, it was a lecture. so yeah. it is very very normal to be pissed off and bitter dude. it is not easy or fair to be left behind. it’s all a normal part of grief. losing it entirely is the whole thing because honestly what else can you do.

i could be wrong but. unfortunately i think all of these emotions, in the context of you, stem from the fact that it is easier to care for others than it is to care about yourself. you’re not bothered about yourself dying because you don’t have the same love for yourself that you had for the one who passed. you don’t see yourself as important in that way. i don’t know what happened to make you feel like that. maybe whatever it was lead you to use drugs n alcohol to escape in the first place. maybe you think you not mattering is some sort of universal truth, but it’s not. it’s a belief you constructed either out of pain or as a trauma response that you’ve clung onto so much that you’ve convinced yourself it’s reality. it’s clear you’re going through an insurmountably difficult time, and i know words on a screen aren’t going to change that. i wont pretend to get it first hand. i just want you to know that the same way you wish your friend had realized the worth in their life before it was too late, that same anger born from frustration and sadness - that’s how a lot of people likely feel about you. and i know you don’t care about hurting them w your death because you don’t care about anything. your friend didn’t care, why should you, right? but that’s how the cycle perpetuates. and you’re the one who has to live with this all now, stuck here or not. try to periodically and consciously recognize how fucked up and permanent grief is. you don’t want to be the one to cause it. not really. not when you can see it for what it is and you have the option to prevent it. you are here no matter how much you wish not to be. you do deserve to find substantial peace, stability and good health while you still can. that’s non negotiable. even if it takes a fucking life time getting there.

i completely understand that it is all far easier said than done. that you have to be the one who is willing to reach out for help and to really stick w a plan but. i guess i just hope you know that the option will always be waiting for you when you are willing to seek it out. whether it’s through a hotline, rehab, your doctor, your friends and family, 2 hours without using or drinking. any step in the right direction is commendable. you are absolutely more resilient than you realize. more in general than you realize. you’ve had to deal with so much, just the most unimaginable things, and you’re still here. i know that’s because you feel you have no real choice in the matter, back to being trapped here. but nonetheless you’re making it. you can learn to treat yourself w the same regard that you treated your friend. you can learn to care about what happens to you. you can slowly make a home out of what you currently see as a jail.  through talking, through implementing healthier coping mechanisms into your daily life, through building a support system, through confronting and processing how much it hurts, through finding the clarity that comes with progress. all the things your brain wants you to write off. addiction and mental illness are genuine health concerns that require long lasting therapy and treatment just like any other ailment. and maybe the point is to learn to live with them, rather than to cure them entirely. but they are not a death sentence (and that is a good thing), and they are not the entirety of you. you are just currently very overwhelmed by them, understandably so.  excuse me if this is all sounds like naïve bullshit, but maybe some day you will be able to take some of it on board if you can’t right now. anyway, it sounds cliche as fuck, but every day that you’re alive you’re keeping your friend’s influence on this world alive too. you were shaped by them, in more ways than you realize. and they’re here in more ways than we realize too. not necessarily ghosts, at least imo. but just around. and in your head, in the universe. i am rooting for you so much and i hope you can accept that even if it all feels like lies, it’s ok to treat yourself w kindness. any attempt is good enough. sending a lot of love your way. please take care of yourself as much as possible. please consider your needs and your well being while you still have the choice to. sorry to go all 90s drug prevention ad on you btw, but u know me. i’m incapable of shutting up and minding my business abt this sort of thing lol

[myuntoldstory]

saeran after end after thought

it took me a ducking month and some change because i had to farm hourglasses. when i started playing i kept getting the bad ends and i got so frustrated i didn’t touch the app for two weeks. i had to consult a guide to finally reach the end.

i wanted to play this because i needed to see where jihyun ended up and... well... we all know what happened there. anyway...

i have many thoughts and feelings about this ae. i don’t know if i can ever properly organise them, but i’ll put it in bullet points for now. this is my personal feelings, not any kind of fact. i have nothing against nearly anything and anyone (character or real) involved in this game. i’ll always love and appreciate them for being in this game, for creating this game, for giving us something to love for the past four or five years.

these thoughts are rather unfiltered. this is me coming out hours after finishing the ae. i might change my mind after letting it marinate for a while and after reading up some more about it.

it’s all under the cut. it’s long and rambling. there’s no need to read this, really; the ae is a month old after all, but i just needed to get this out. also, it’s salty as hell. literally saltier than the dead sea. it will dehydrate you... best to not bother with this.

also spoilers.

1. during the first playthrough the game mechanics were wonderful, novel, and immersive. but years later and for the sake of an ae? unnecessary. it’s too long. it’s too much work. i did my due when i played the game during ray’s route. why do i also have to work for something that should have been my reward? why do i still have to worry about hearts, choices, and game branches? why do i have to go through multiple endings? it’s an after end. it’s after the ending.

of course i love new content, i love more content, but not like this. and i know i sound super entitled. if i was impatient i should have justt read the wiki, but i wanted the experience, but not this specific experience. lucky it’s the pandemic and i have more time on my hands, but in normal circumstances my life is very different from what it was in 2016. i can’t be waiting for chats and making plans around it to get to the after ending. honestly i expected something like the secret ends or even similar to the style of jihyun’s ae... but no. apparently, chertiz thinks it’s fun to make us spend three and a half days to reach an AFTER END.

2. saeran choi needs love... but, in my opinion, not ours. not mc’s. the love he needs is his brother’s. the person he needs most is saeyoung choi. he’s suffered so much, endured many things no person should ever endure. of course he deserves romantic love, but i feel like he needed to recover first. that’s why after all this im firmly in the very bare, maybe even empty camp of preferring secret end saeran choi over ray route saeran choi.

3. never in my life has a game made me exhausted about the act of forgiveness. i feel a little sick. it’s terrible to say that, i know, but i am just so emotionally exhausted. there is this heavy feeling in my chest that makes me want to cry because i feel like i somehow destroyed a part of myself?

first it’s the saviour in jihyun’s ae. it’s still her in this ae. but in addition to that there’s also the prime minister? when does it stop? at this point we might as well forgive the twins’ mother too. she imprisoned her own sons to benefit from their father; beat the shit out of and starved saeran to the point that he wanted to die, but there must be a reason behind it, right? like all the villains in this game her choices are not her own; they are the product of their circumstances and we have to understand that.

i just... i understand what cheritz is trying to convey here. and granted saeyoung is not as forgiving, but this isn’t his story. it felt like the forgiveness was nearing some extreme by the end of it. i don’t think there’s anything wrong if you’e unable to forgive. if the only way for you to move forward is to not do so i feel that’s valid. as long as you’re not hurting anyone and that you’re not hurting yourself, you do whatever you need to recover. forgiving is not the only way, the noble way. not everyone’s backstory you have to understand and take into consideration in order to move on. even if they realise what they did was wrong, it’s okay not to forgive. sometimes that’s what we need to take care of ourselves.

im rambling on this point, but im going through this currently. it’s not as extreme as the choi twins or the rfa, but all my life i’ve been forgiving and understanding and it chipped away at me. even at my expense i forgave everything and it landed me in a place im struggling to get out of. i needed justice and this ae didn’t give me a bit of that... at least not in the way i needed.

4. cheritz said this is the grand finale, but... it didn’t feel like it? again this is me being entitled, but i expected something more. something bigger. something poignant because after this mystic messenger is over. i expected some kind of epilogues in the form of story modes. of course i appreciate everything the company has done, especially the efforts of the writers, artists, voice actors, and everyone, but... it’s so rushed? it such a short farewell that instead of getting catharsis and satisfaction i felt... drained. and i feel sad that it’s all over because im not ready to say goodbye and that goodbye is far too short for me.

i don’t know im just sad it’s all over.

also, the conclusion they come to is the dissolution of the rfa once everyone found their happy ending. i... this is a group that has been through some shit and that doesn’t make them closer somehow? the rfa app lies neglected and abandoned as everyone moves on with their lives? that is so... lonely? at least for me.

i mean, of course, not all endings have to be necessarily happy in the “everyone gets together once a week for dinners” kind, but i just... i dont know i expected them to be closer somehow. maybe they are. maybe outside the app they’re all closer, but... i don’t know. i feel sad they’re abandoning the app.

5. and then there’s kim jihyun.

and im... i dont know anymore. if you know me, follow me, or have read any of my fics you know im a jihyun fan. i love that man and YES i know his sins. we all do.

as i played the ae i started to hope that he’d die in the end instead of suffering through this egregious character assassination. yes, i literally preferred that he died and that i go through that pain instead of suffering whatever this is. obviously i dont want him to die, but this is like killing him anyway. they killed the essence of him, who he is as a person. hell, they probably killed him already and just installed a stranger in the ae because that v is not our v. all throughout the game he’s been kind and compassionate and selfless. his whole thing is about protecting the rfa, the mc, saving the saviour, and sacrificing himself for them. this is the idiot who gives you his hearts when you’re being actively nice to his abuser and saeran in his route. his ultimate happy ending involves everyone being happy, reunited, and given the proper mental care. he went away for two years, putting a much needed pause in your budding relationship, not only to recover from his trauma, but also to rescue saeran and help him recover too.

yes, v enabled the saviour even before another story. he lied. he put everyone in danger. he’s reckless and he keeps secrets way more than what’s natural. but he will never let any of them come to harm. my memory is fuzzy but im sure he never lets the rfa get in danger. he was devastated when yoosung got injured. he also tried to rescue seven and mc in the secret ends thats why he got shot. this guy always looks out for everyone. 

in what world is he okay with drugging the twins? making deals with the villains? the idea of trapping the twins in the saviour’s delusional, twisted family life? he’s not the type to be okay just standing there when his best friend’s life is falling apart or for even causing it. when zen, jaehee, and yoosung get backed into the corner he wouldn’t have been just idle. but in this ae all he does is play stacking chairs, buy strawberry yoghurt, and echo the saviour’s words like a puppet. he asks only mc to save herself and like... jesus christ he never gets a break. he doesn’t even get the same gesture of forgiveness everyone and their father gets. he goes through a trial and jail, which is fair enough, but he’s also a victim of abuse and suffering and despair and mental illness. but somehow because it’s v it’s okay that this is all he gets. somehow he doesn’t deserve any compassionate resolution.

literally the only time he’s happy is his route and after end and even then that happiness is not his own. even then there were concessions to be made before he could get it.

seriously. it seems like cheritz hates him. they think little to nothing of him. if that’s the case why even make content for him? he’s not even meant to be romanceable in the original stories. they could’ve just ignored the petitions and left him as a side character. i mean, i dont know if i prefer that honestly, i do appreciate the content we got, but as his fan it hurts to see all this half-hearted decisions. and to see all this hate still pouring out for him, now magnified because of this ae.

this is like a tiring odyssey, starting way back when he got shot and killed all because he loved someone. he loved the wrong person and it’s the wrong kind of love and he committed his crimes because of it. he had a hand in making the rfa and mc suffer, but still all he did was love. and i know that sounds blind and naive and ignorant and im sorry for not picking up the nuances of his relationship with the saviour, but that’s all i saw. i saw a guy loving the wrong person and it made him make all the wrong choices leading to a bad life.

gah. i am drained people. i am drained, and frustrated, and tired.

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Don’t Let Go

Fandom: Given Pairing: AkiUgetsu Rating: E Tags: Smut, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Anal Fingering, Marijuana, Sexual Inexperience Summary: Ugetsu had gotten some weed. Hornyness and neediness ensue. Set in high school.

Akihiko’s warning bells jingled immediately when he came back from the bathroom and found Ugetsu smiling at him. Wiping his hands dry on his pants, Akihiko’s steps slowed down. He frowned at Ugetsu.

“What?”

Akihiko had come to bring him his homework. Ugetsu had been absent the whole day due to a violin competition. Regionals. Apparently, that also meant he was free to laze around the whole afternoon in his pajamas and ignore the pile of notes Akihiko had written for him. According to Ugetsu, it was his reward for winning by a landslide. Akihiko had pointed out it had been the first round and Ugetsu should have been able to win it with his eyes closed and left hand tied behind his back.

“I’ve got something.”

Ugetsu perked up in the middle of his messy bed. His deep brown eyes squinted and twinkled at Akihiko. His hands were cupped in his lap, but Akihiko couldn’t see what he was holding.

Wary of Ugetsu’s mysterious tone, he stepped closer to get a better look.

What was revealed deepened his frown. Nestled on Ugetsu’s cupped palms rested a metallic lighter and thick cigarette. Only it was wrapped weirdly and was too lumpy to be an ordinary cigarette.

Akihiko glared at Ugetsu who was still smirking.

“Where did you get that?”

“It’s a secret,” Ugetsu said and wiggled to sit on the edge of the bed. He reached the white lumpy joint for Akihiko. “Try it with me.”

Akihiko let out a chuckle that had a nervous edge to it even to his own ears. He slumped on the floor, effectively facing away from Ugetsu and his treasure. He grabbed his phone from the coffee table to fiddle with.

“Try yourself.”

The bed creaked behind him. Annoyed, Akihiko glared up when a shadow was cast over him and the phone screen. Effectively knocking Akihiko’s hands out of the way with his foot, Ugetsu situated his weight to straddle his hips. Awkwardly Akihiko’s hands dangled on his sides, not being able to naturally settle anywhere. He stifled his urge to shift.

“Oi,” he said. “Go sit somewhere else.”

Ugetsu wiggled his ass, trying to get comfortable.

“But I like this spot.” He conjured the joint and lighter from behind his back. “Are you sure you don’t want to try with me?”

“Yes.”

“Suit yourself, then.”

Akihiko’s eyes widened when Ugetsu’s lips closed around the wrinkly stub. The heavy, metallic flick of the lighter rang loud in the quiet basement. Akihiko’s phone dropped to the floor with a clatter when his hands came to try and nudge Ugetsu off.

“I said do that by yourself!”

But Ugetsu’s thighs pressed tighter against him as he anchored his weight deeper in his lap. The flickering flame hovered close to the small tip of the thin rolling paper until it whooshed alight. Distracted, Akihiko’s resistance died down as he watched Ugetsu’s thumb and index finger pinch around the stub. His lips tightened and brown knotted. The lit end glowed red and orange as Ugetsu dragged through it.

His body stiffened in Akihiko’s lap. It looked like he was holding his breath. Akihiko caught himself mirroring him, closely monitoring his face.

Just as he was about to ask was Ugetsu alright, thick white coughs erupted from deep inside Ugetsu. His shoulders shook as he hacked. One of his hands came to lean on Akihiko’s shoulder for support as he nearly doubled over.

Rolling his eyes, Akihiko let his body relax. He let out an angry huff. A sweet scent tickled his nostrils.

“Idiot.”

Still sputtering a little, Ugetsu smirked at him. The coughing had brought tears to his eyes, making the chocolate brown twinkle even brighter than usual.  

“Congratulation,” Akihiko said, “you’ve officially broken the law now.”

Ugetsu’s mischievous smile widened and his eyes narrowed down at Akihiko.

“Shows what you know about the law,” he said. “Possession is punishable, too. I could be put in jail just for having it.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Akihiko said. “I’d finally get rid of you.”

Ugetsu’s eyebrows arched. His head tilted a little, and the dark bangs shifted.

“Is that so? I guess I’ll have to make you an accomplice then.”

The lit end glowed up between them again as Ugetsu drew another hit. Before Akihiko realized what was about to happen, Ugetsu leaned forward and sealed their lips tightly together. Taking advantage of Akihiko’s shock, Ugetsu’s tongue pushed in easily, deepening the kiss. His free hand had sneaked to cradle the back of Akihiko’s head and keep him in place.

Thick smoke filled Akihiko’s mouth. It didn’t taste as sweet as it had smelled. It had a rather earthy and dark flavor to it. Grassy. A little spicy. It made him gag.

Finally gaining his senses, Akihiko pushed Ugetsu off by his shoulders and freed his lips. He coughed which only sucked the smoke deeper into his lungs. Glaring, he wiped his mouth.

“The hell?!” he croaked.

Ugetsu leaned back on his lap. His eyes looked darker. Not the usual deep brown but almost black.

“Now we’re both criminals. Do you think they’ll let us share the cell?”

More curses tickled on Akihiko’s tongue.

“You’re such a fuc – “ he began but clenched his jaw.

“A what? I’m a what?”

Akihiko released a frustrated sigh. It wasn’t worth it wasting his breath when Ugetsu was being like this. Ugetsu would do what Ugetsu wanted to do when got that tone in his voice. Akihiko gave him another nudge, harder this time.

“Get off me.”

“But I said I liked this spot.”

“And I said get off.”

He grabbed Ugetsu by his hips and proceeded to hoist him off. But the warm weight shifted in his lap. Small arms reached to wrap around Akihiko’s shoulders like stubborn vines. Soft wisps of hair tickled his cheek when Ugetsu clung to him.  

“No, I want to be like this.”

Akihiko’s hold didn’t slack, but his resolve had faced a big loss right off the bat. He was always weak to this side of Ugetsu.  

“Forgive me”?

Akihiko chuckled humorlessly.

“Why?”

“Because,” Ugetsu said and rubbed against his shoulder, “when someone says sorry and means it, you have to forgive them. That’s what the teachers always said in kindergarten.”

“So, you’re saying you’re sorry from the bottom of your heart?”

Ugetsu fell silent. All Akihiko could hear were their breathings, slightly out of sync. No sound could pierce through the cocoon of the basement. It held everything in, muffling the violent soundwaves trying to disturb their way through.

“I don’t think my heart has a bottom,” he finally said quietly. “Sometimes…”

Akihiko stiffened when he perked up his ears. There had been scratches of the needle in the sound Ugetsu was emitting. Sometimes it was difficult to hear him through the scratches.

“Sometimes,” Ugetsu's voice had gained a distant tone, “I don’t think I even have a heart. It’s just…a pit. And I’m sinking into it. Or floating. And no one can reach me.”

Akihiko shifted and gently pushed him back.

“Alright,” he said, “I think this is enough crime for ya for one day.”

Carefully he took the smoldering joint from between Ugetsu’s fingers. He didn’t resist. Akihiko reached behind him to put it out against a plate left lying around on the coffee table. The cigarette’s fire died with a swirl of heavy smoke.

“What if,” Ugetsu went on in his quiet, distant voice, “one day you won’t reach me either.”

Akihiko frowned.

“What are you talking about? I’m right here.”

“I’ll be in so deep that you can’t reach. And you don’t even want to. Not anymore.”

With a sigh, Akihiko brushed some of the tousled bangs out of the way and examined Ugetsu’s face. Apart from his ever-darkening eyes that were now drooping a little, he didn’t seem much different.

“Hey, you alright?”

The heavy-looking eyelids slid close until Ugetsu’s dark, thick lashes fluttered against his cheeks. He nodded.

“A little dizzy. Like I’m floating.”

Akihiko scoffed softly.

“I bet you are, Space Boy.”

Even in the weightless state Ugetsu currently was, he still managed to muster his offended frown.

“I don’t want to talk about your stupid comics.”

“It’s Astro Boy, not Spa – “

The words died in his throat when Ugetsu rolled his hips and something hard brushed against Akihiko’s groin through the clothes.

“Aki.”

Oh, he knew that tone.

“Mm?”

“I wanna do it.”

“No.”

Ugetsu made a quiet whine and rubbed harder against him.

“Why not?”

Akihiko stilled his hips gently but firmly.

“You know why.”

A bit clumsily, Ugetsu pushed back to prop his palms on Akihiko’s shoulder. His bottom lip was jutting out slightly as he glared down at him.

“I bet if I was a girl, you would have done it with her already. You just don’t want to do it with me.”

Akihiko almost laughed out loud. Nothing could have been further from the truth. He wanted to do it with Ugetsu so badly it hurt. Had wanted to ever since he had kissed Ugetsu clumsily behind those goldfish and candied apple stands.

“It has nothing to do with that. You always say it hurts too much and we have to stop.”

Ugetsu pushed his hips against the restrictive hold. Akihiko could feel where the arch of the jutting hipbone pressed against his palm.

“I won’t say it this time!”

“You will.”

Akihiko could see the discovery of changing tactics on Ugetsu’s face. It seemed being high disarmed Ugetsu from his usual grace and veil somewhat. Akihiko was coming to realize he found it increasingly amusing.

A warm breath came to ghost over Akihiko’s neck and a pair of lips to nuzzle the little hollow. Thin, nimble fingers sank through the soft spikes of his hair and nails scraped gently the scalp. Akihiko’s hold on the hips slacked, and they rolled almost languidly now, matching the soft lips dragging against the side of his neck.

“I want to do it,” Ugetsu mumbled next to his ear. “It’s okay if I want it, right? Even if it hurts a little? I want to do it. Aki.”

And by every god in the universe, Akihiko wanted it, too. He wanted to flip them over, hold Ugetsu down, and bury himself into the tight velvet warmth till he could reach no further. Get his fill finally instead of grinding his teeth and pulling out when Ugetsu was rigid and gasping under him.

“No,” Akihiko said and grabbed Ugetsu’s hand that had been sneaking down towards his crotch.

The teasing lips puffed out a frustrated sigh. The wandering hand submitted to capture. Akihiko swallowed at the fingers that had managed to edge close enough to his own hardening front.

“I mean,” he said thickly, “that doesn’t mean we can’t…practice.”

Ugetsu’s tufts of hair twitched.

“Practice?”

“Yeah. Get you used to it more. I mean, it’s easier to hit triple stops if you loosen the bow a little.”

“You do that?” Ugetsu said, and there was a familiar teasing lilt creeping back to his voice. “I can play them just fine without loos – “

The rest died on his lips when Akihiko pulled his hand down to its desired destination. The sparkling dark eyes widened and shot up to stare at Akihiko when Ugetsu’s fingers brushed against the growing hardness between Akihiko’s legs. They wrapped tentatively around it and risked a couple of firm kneads. Akihiko’s eyes fluttered close at the contact.

“I want to do it, too,” he muttered inches away from Ugetsu’s lips, parted in silent awe. “You have no idea how much I want to, but not yet, okay? It’s still too tough on you. So – “

Ugetsu sucked in a shuddering breath when Akihiko’s hand wiggled under the loose waistband of his pants and reached for his groin.

“ – let me do this properly.”

The deepening chocolate eyes slithered open to look at Akihiko quietly.

“Okay,” Ugetsu managed in a thick, quiet voice. “Alright. Just – “ he pulled Akihiko’s free hand and pressed the cup of his palm to cup his cheek, “ – just don’t let go.”

A ghost of a smile played on Akihiko’s lips.

“I won’t.”

Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, Akihiko’s thumb lowered to Ugetsu’s mouth and nudged its way inside. Instinctively, Ugetsu gave away to the intrusion. He blinked at Akihiko. Indeed, he looked like he was floating.

“Lick it.”

Ugetsu took a hold of Akihiko’s wrist with both hands and started to lick the palm with broad, wet strokes of his tongue. With hooded eyes, he lapped the rough skin. One by one, he also bent the fingers to suck them into his mouth as deep as he could, When he pulled them out, he gently dragged his teeth over the bumps of the joints.

Akihiko’s eyes narrowed.

“That’s enough.”

Ugetsu looked down in the lap between them and sighed when the freshly dampened palm wrapped around him inside his underwear. Akihiko gave him a couple of slow strokes from the root to the tip. Eagerly, Ugetsu began to push inside the warm, rough tunnel of his hand. His breathing becoming labored puffs as he rocked back and forth, picking up speed quickly.

“Here,” Akihiko said and now held out his other hand.

Almost greedily, Ugetsu snatched hold of it and started licking again. He drooled into the small dip of the palm and spread the wetness with his tongue. Saliva trickled down his chin and Akihiko’s wrist. He let out quiet sighs and hums as Akihiko kept massaging him inside the pants. Occasionally Akihiko pressed his thumb against the weeping tip and rubbed it gently.

Ugetsu popped one of Akihiko’s fingers out of his mouth. His puffed-up lips glistened with spit.

“I’m close,” he said, out of breath.

Silently Akihiko changed hands again. This time Ugetsu didn’t waste time but started to rock more demandingly. Akihiko tightened his grip and squeezed a little towards the tip every time he pulled back. Ugetsu’s fingers clutched almost painfully on Akihiko’s shoulders when he held onto him for balance and leverage.

Akihiko raised the released hand to his lips and sunk his index and middle finger into his mouth. He could taste Ugetsu on his tongue. Less sweet than how he smelled. Spicy. Far more intoxicating than the white, thick smoke.

Ugetsu’s eyes dropped to follow Akihiko sliding his fingers in and out between his lips, coating them with spit. Each time they came out shinier. Ugetsu’s Adam’s apple bobbed.

When Akihiko pulled his fingers out, a thread of thick saliva stretched in the air. Never taking his gaze off Ugetsu’s flushed face, Akihiko reached behind him and pushed his hand under the waistband. Almost hungrily, his fingers groped the soft bump of Ugetsu’s ass, wiggling their way deeper and searching for the valley.

A half moan, half whine released from Ugetsu’s throat when the slipper tips of Akihiko’s fingers brushed against the sensitive pucker and rubbed it in circular movements. Slowly Akihiko coaxed the tip of his middle finger inside. Ugetsu gasped and clung to him a bit tighter.

“Shh,” he said quietly. “It’s okay.”

He sped up jerking Ugetsu off as he pushed his finger into the twitching heat till the hilt dug into the soft flesh of Ugetsu’s ass. Ugetsu’s back arched and a low moan raised between his parted lips. His body quivered in Akihiko’s lap. Akihiko mouthed a couple of small kisses along his jawline.

“I won’t move,” he said, “for now. You decide the pace.”

Ugetsu’s hips began their familiar dance again. His breathing puffed sweet between them. Every time he pushed into the tunnel of Akihiko’s palm, the finger slid out. And every time he pulled back only to push back in, the finger was forced back through the tight opening.

Before long, Ugetsu was captured in a pendulum that swung between sweet pleasure and even sweeter ache.

When Akihiko lined up his index finger to cram it inside too, Ugetsu let out another cry.

“Aki…”

“It’s okay,” he said.

“Don’t let – ” Ugetsu panted. “Don’t…let go.”

“I won’t.”

Ugetsu’s whole body jerked as Akihiko’s index finger worked its way in, too. There was more resistance now. He could feel the muscles working hard to adjust to the intrusion.

When both of the fingers were finally buried as deep as they would go, Ugetsu’s hand fled down where Akihiko was gripping him between his legs. Hurried and trembling fingers stuffed inside the underwear to accompany Akihiko’s. While Ugetsu kept pushing in and out, his hand guided the speed, angle, and pressure of the warm tunnel. The dark brows were knotted in deep concentration.

“Aki, I’m almost…I’m –”

Akihiko could feel the orgasm rolling down before it actually reached Ugetsu’s consciousness. The muscles tightened around his fingers. Ugetsu’s body arched and he stopped his almost feverish back and forth. But Akihiko continued the pendulum swings for him. He sped them up in both directions and didn’t let up until Ugetsu’s mind was overwhelmed and all he could do was to throw his head back and gasp and moan. Nothing else needed to exist between right now than the dizzying sensations.  

Slimy eruptions filled the inside of the underwear and spilled hot over Akihiko’s hand. The viscous liquid squished between his palm and Ugetsu’s bare dick, slickening the rubbing. Akihiko slowed down (at this point Ugetsu’s fingers have already slacked around him) and he kept milking to the last drop until Ugetsu started to jerk and flinch at the touch.

Boneless, he slumped against Akihiko’s shoulder. His heavy breathing huffed next to his ear. Little trembles and aftershocks ran through his body. When Akihiko pulled out his fingers, Ugetsu made a quiet sound in his throat and clung to him.

“Don’t let go.”

He reached to kiss the side of Ugetsu’s head. His lips pressed gently against the soft hair.

“I won’t.”

“Never?”

“Never.”

Ugetsu relaxed. Akihiko listened to his breathing calming down. His weight became heavier and heavier in his lap. When there was a little yawn next to Akihiko’s ear, he nudged Ugetsu’s hips gently. The contents coating his hand inside Ugetsu’s underwear were starting to cool off.

“Hey, Space Boy,” he said, “we better change your pants or you’re going to give yourself a rude waxing.”

[because-we-are-simple-memories]

Alright, time to sit down and write about my relationship that lasted all of 6 months and came to a very abrupt end. In November, I really wanted to break up with him, I should’ve done it, but I had hope for us.

20 years ago, I meet these two guys, Alex and Tim. I was conceited, and I was chubby (still am chubby). 😂 I chose Alex, but remained friends with Tim. Alex ends up in jail for a few months and Tim and I connected. By the way, Tim and Alex knew each other, they went to the same high school and absolutely hated each other. When Alex and I broke up, Tim and I had decided to give it a shot, since he said he still loved me. Well, on our first official date, Alex shows up and ruins the whole thing. Tim got upset and thought I was going to go back with Alex. That led to Tim completely ghosting me. Fast forward 20 years (last year, 2020) and Tim and I cross paths again on social media. He mentions how much he loved me and still has feelings for me and of course I always wondered, “What If?” all this time. So we decide to make a go of it in September 2020. Let me tell y’all, it’d been a while since I’d been with a man. I didn’t want to rush into things but I also felt like I knew Tim. We’d been talking for months, he knew all my secrets and well, I didn’t know much of his. He was very quiet and very distant. Oh, but my foolish heart and my brainwashed mind were saying, “we can fix him, we will make him feel again”, who the fuck do I think I am?!? So I look past all the red flags...like when he would tell me, “I still love you”, to get me to agree to sex. I know...PATHETIC!!🙄 But my dumb ass fell for the Bullshit. Which I 100% blame on my lack of confidence. We didn’t spend a single holiday together, thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, NYE and Valentines all went uncelebrated. No gifts just a verbal acknowledgment of whatever holiday we were on. He is a zero effort man...the sex, well, it was lousy. Being that he himself is large and I mean large as in morbidly obese, I’m not judging, I loved the idiot! So, he’s a big guy but his 🍆 isn’t. It’s very short and not very wide either. It was a major disappointment but I had hope. He bought us a vibrator, but he’s a cheap person so he bought a cheap vibrator that did nothing for me. I think he got the hint because it stayed boxed away in his closet. And then here’s when my suspicion started to grow, we’re having sex and he busts out a penis extender, for those that don’t know, it’s a hollow penis that is suppose to suction on to the penis. However, he could never get it to work. But the few times he tried to use it got me close to feeling aroused, but then he’d get frustrated and stop using it. I ask him about this new toy of his, “hey babe, when’s you get that penis extender?” and he replied “a few months back, like in July or August”. I always had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t faithful, there never was proof, it was just my suspicions. So, because of the size of his stomach and the smallness of his penis, sex positions were limited. So, listen to this...one day we’re having sex, he would call it, “making love”, and he has a huge orgasm and stops. I tell him, “I didn’t cum” and his reply...his cocky ass says, “you came a bunch of times the other day!” Um excuse me!?! I should mention, I’m 40 and he’s 42 and we both have lupus, I survived stage 3 Uterine Cancer and he survived a major car wreck that led to him having more metal than bone in his body. None the less, this grown ass man still couldn’t tell when a woman wasn’t satisfied. Above all, he was a narcissist and I fell victim to it. He had me so scared of losing him. He had me apologizing to the most stupid random crap. I despise that I fell victim to another narcissist but I feel like I’m walking away with more clarity. My time with Tim was short, here I thought he was “the one that got away” and instead he turned out to be a coward. Back in January he tells me that his friend has covid and he was exposed so he needed to quarantine. I was worried about this “man”! So here we are at the end of February and we haven’t seen each other in 6 weeks. I noticed him getting distant, but I thought it was because he was sick. Nope! I’m not sure if he even was sick. Turns out his ex from 2 years ago contacted him.

His ex told him he has an 18 month old daughter. He didn’t believe it so he had a DNA test done and he’s the father. He tells me this on Monday and tells me that we’ll talk later that night. Later that night, he texts me that he’s on his way home. Then he texts me that he’s home and he’s going to shower but he’s exhausted so he’ll text me tomorrow. Well tomorrow was yesterday and not a single fucking word from him. Nothing! I’d show you screen shots, but I’m embarrassed of my messages to this man. 20 years later and he’s still a fucking coward. Today I sent him a short letter letting him know I didn’t regret anything, it was all a lesson, I wish him well. I honestly do, but it should go without saying that I do hate him a tiny bit. He knew for a whole month and he said absolutely nothing to me! That’s what kills me, that I overlooked things about him because I believed his lies. This is a man whose ass crack was on constant display because his shirts were too small. Damn fucking coward! Realizing that has definitely helped me move past the hurt and realize my worth. I lowered my worth for a man who didn’t deserve any part of me. I had built my walls so high, then he comes in tearing them down and letting me let my guard down and he took that and shit all over it! I cried a lot more than I wanted to, but I reminded myself of his actions and words and I snapped myself out of it. He preys on broken women, women who barely have a shred of dignity left, women who have been beat down by society, family, friends and strangers, women who are at their breaking point. I didn’t want that to be me, so I’m glad I have closure. And yes, I’m only human, so a small part of me wonders if he cared, even just a little. At the end of the day, I know my tried and true people have my back and even at 40, I can say, “I want my Mommy!” 😭with tears pouring down my face and she’ll be right there wrapping her arms around me, helping me mend a 💔 . So Tim, thanks for the lesson, I really should’ve broken up with you back in November!

One day, all of this will be a distant memory. My memories of Tim from our 20s have changed, because now I know what if and now I know he’s a coward. Too much of a coward to tell me he’s probably getting back with his ex. Let them be happy, I’m free! I’m a wild spirit that needs to travel and see the world and Tim’s interests are bad sex, eating his weight in cookie dough, watching tv & sleeping all day and night. Wow! Writing all that out really makes me sick. Why did I think he was what I want or need!?! KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!!

[daisylincs]

Staticquake 20, 13 with enemies to lovers

20 = Teacher AU and 13 = Detective AU. With enemies to lovers!! Oh, this is going to be FUN. 

Daisy is a teacher at Shield Academy, a unique school in that it's specifically for orphans, specifically to help them find a family in friends. For Daisy, an orphan herself, the school's mission means so much. She never had access to something like this when she was stuck in the system, but she knew it would have changed her life if she had. And seeing how it changes little orphans' lives every day means everything to her. 

Then, one horrible day, it comes out that one of the school's top board members, John Garrett, is completely corrupt. The asshole was siphoning funds off people's generous donations to Shield, and using them for his own illegal means. 

Everyone worries that the school is going to be closed down, Daisy more than anyone - this place is her life and soul, and a passion project in the way none of her colleagues can really understand. 

But luckily Coulson, their headmaster, has a kind of grudging partnership with the local police captain, Talbot. So instead of being shut down, they just have to have a detective in each class until they find out who was helping Garrett (because there's no way he was acting alone.) 

For her part, Daisy HATES it. This is a school for helping little orphans find families, dammit, not for freaking them out by having a cop standing over them the whole time. 

And no, she doesn't care how cute he is. 

(Because of course her assigned detective is cute. The universe is unfair that way.) 

That doesn't change the fact that she hates him. 

She has to give it to him, though, he really tries to be nice at first. "I'm Lincoln," he says, holding out his hand for her to shake and offering her a nice smile. 

"Yeah, I don't care," she says coldly, brushing past him and leaving him standing, surprised, in the doorway. 

He doesn't get the memo, and tries to corner her before her next class. "Hey, uh, I don't think we met properly earlier -" 

"No, we didn't," she interrupts, slamming her coffee mug down with a lot more force than necessary. "And I'm not interested in meeting properly now, either." 

She gets up and leaves him gaping after her again (if she's not careful, this is going to become a thing.) 

The next period, he seems to have learned his lesson a bit, and just wordlessly holds open the door for her. (She steps on his toes on the way past.) 

And for the rest of the day, she takes a vindictive kind of pleasure in making him fetch and carry for her the silliest things for her. If she has to have a cop standing there spoiling her lessons, she figures, she might as well make use of him. 

Now it doesn't matter how nice a person you are, eventually you're going to get annoyed when someone keeps sending you off on senseless errands. Daisy knows that perfectly well. In fact, she's counting on it. 

"Why are you so determined to hate me?" a frustrated Lincoln demands when her kids have left for the day, folding his arms and glaring at her. "What did I ever do to you?" 

"You mean aside from scaring my kids and spoiling my classes?" she replies archly. "You're here, and you're a cop. Isn't that enough?" 

"I'm a detective," he corrects. "And what do you have against the police?" 

"That's none of your business," she says, letting her voice bite cold. "See you tomorrow, Sparky." (That last bit as a mockery of the lightning-bolt insignia of his department.) 

The next day (and the next), she makes it her personal mission to make his life as much of a hell as possible. If he thought yesterday was bad, oh boy he hasn't seen anything yet. Computers keep breaking, cables and whiteboard markers keep disappearing, and somehow it's always his job to go find replacements. 

And that's not even the best part. That's when she sweet-talks Nick, their grumpy one-eyed cook, into giving him chilli sauce instead of ketchup with his burger, and salt instead of sugar in his coffee. 

Really, it's no secret that Daisy hates Lincoln. And it shouldn't be all that surprising that he starts to hate her right back. 

And he's a cop. So he has full right to pull her over for questioning whenever he likes. 

Which of course he does. Constantly. 

Everything about him just makes her so irrationally furious. There's the way all her colleagues seem to like him - which, excuse me, guys, he's a cop?? He's literally here to investigate you! And there's that mocking smile he gives her when he pulls her out of class at just the right time to annoy the living hell out of her, the smile that makes her want to slap him so hard because he should not be allowed to look that attractive while being such an asshole. Then there's the fact that he won't stop bugging her about why she's so against the police, which somehow always evolves into the two of them yelling at each other about "stubbornness" and "none of your damn business" and "bloody infuriating!" 

Honestly, their feud is becoming the stuff of legend in the school. She swears she saw one of her older students, a mildly obsessive girl called Ruby, recording one of their shouting matches the other day. 

And it's not just the students. On no less than fifteen occasions to date, Hunter has made it his personal mission to drop into her class and go "killed each other yet? No? Oh, what a shame." 

Mack's in on the joke, too, and teases her relentlessly about it. He's even taken to calling Lincoln her boyfriend, which is the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard. It's just Hunter's idiocy rubbing off on Mack - there's no way she and Lincoln would date, ever. He's the worst. And even if he is kind of cute, that's TOTALLY not the point. 

Jemma just shakes her head at the whole thing. "You're acting like an idiot, Daisy," she says in her yes-I'm-right-and-we-both-know-it voice. "Both of you are. And you're going to regret it someday." 

As always, Jemma is right. 

Because Talbot somehow gets it into his head that she, Daisy, is the one who was working with Garrett. 

"But that's ridiculous!" she shouts, and everyone in the room agrees emphatically. "Shield is my life, why the hell would I betray it?" 

It's then that Lincoln comes in. 

And Daisy just thinks, oh, shit. 

Because of course the cop that's been monitoring her thinks she's the biggest asshole in the world. He hates her, and now that she thinks about it, her behaviour towards him could actually very easily be seen as aggression because she didn't want to be found out. 

Oh, shit. 

She's dead. She's so, so, so dead. 

She starts to panic a little. Shield is her entire life - she pours everything she has into this school, into helping these little orphans find a family in friends the way she's found a family in her colleagues. If they take Shield away from her, she doesn't know what she'll do. 

She meets Lincoln's gaze, sure that she's going to see triumph there, but all she finds is confusion. 

"Daisy?" Lincoln asks, incredulous. "You think Daisy's working with Garrett?" 

Talbot nods. And to Daisy's total shock, Lincoln shakes his head firmly. "That's impossible." 

"What do you mean?" Talbot asks impatiently. "She's the computer science teacher, it would be easy for her to steal funds like this." 

"But she'd never do it," Lincoln says, firm. "This school means everything to her. She cares about it and the kids here more than anything." 

"It's not Daisy," he repeats emphatically. "You got that?" 

Grudgingly, Talbot agrees, and the whole room sags in relief. Daisy's colleagues rush to hug her, but all she can feel is numb disbelief. 

Lincoln defended her. Lincoln defended her. After all the asshole-y things she did to him, and all the times she went out of her way to make his life a living hell, he defended her. 

She's still standing there in a state of shock as everyone trickles out of the room. It's only when Lincoln makes to leave that she snaps to her senses. 

Grabbing him by the arm, she pulls him into an empty classroom, ignoring Mack's knowing little smirk. 

"You defended me," she tells him, still holding on to his arm. "Why?" 

"What, you thought I was going to let that moustached dirtbag drag you off to jail for a crime you didn't commit?" he asks archly. 

She shrugs, suddenly feeling like she's really misjudged him. "No, but… you hate me."

"So maybe you're not my favourite person in the world," he says, and that gets a smile out of her. "But it's obvious that you care a lot about these kids. The way you smile when they look at you, and the way they smile back - it's honestly incredible. Very few people will care so much about kids who have so little. I don't need to like you to see that you're an incredible person."

Daisy is genuinely touched. Okay, so maybe she did misjudge him, just a little. And maybe she was a little unfair to hate him immediately. 

"I'm an orphan, too," she admits, properly meeting his clear blue eyes for the first time. "That's also why I hate the police. They were always the ones who pulled me from foster home to foster home. I guess after a while … every bad thing that happened, I just associated with them. It’s an orphan thing, I think." 

"So that's why you hated the idea of a police detective in your class," he says, his eyes flooding with understanding. 

She nods, dropping her gaze. "Yeah. And it's unfair to you, I get that, but…" 

"Don't apologise for having a shitty past," he says, firmer than she expected. "No-one's ever going to blame you for it." 

"I'm not apologising for that," she says, meeting his eyes again. Wow, they really are very blue. "I'm apologising for taking it out on you. That was wrong." 

"A little," he admits. "But hey, I'm not entirely blameless in this, either. I was kind of an asshole, pulling you out of class right when it'd annoy you." 

"Kind of an asshole?" she snorts. "Try the dictionary definition of asshole." 

“And what does that make you?" he asks, arching her eyebrows in a way that should annoy her but is instead making her catch her breath. 

"I don't… know," she says, suddenly sharply aware that she hasn't let go of his arm yet. Oh, and they've also somehow drifted closer during this whole conversation, so that there's now barely ten centimetres of space between them. 

God, this is awkward. And it's only made worse by the fact that Daisy definitely just thought about kissing him. 

She makes to pull her arm away, cheeks burning, but Lincoln stops her with a hand on hers. "Wait." 

And that one word is enough to spur her into action. Firmly closing the last distance between them, she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him. 

She kisses him with all the annoyance of a thousand arguments, where she raged at herself for finding him so attractive just as much as she raged at him. She kisses him with weeks' worth of denial and repressed feelings, and hot damn. 

That's a kiss. "What do you say," she says when they break apart, totally breathless, "we turn this into a whole different kind of fighting?" 

"I cannot believe you just said that," he says dryly. "But I'm in." 

"Good," she says, and kisses him again. 

(The police department finds Garrett's mole a few days later - the douchebag-y Phys Ed coach, Grant. But for some reason, Lincoln keeps coming back to the school. And for some reason, Teacher Johnson never yells at him or tells him to leave.

Teacher Simmons just rolls her eyes whenever any of the students ask her about it. "Cluelessness," is all she'll say in explanation, before walking away to go plan their next science project with her boyfriend. 

The whole school figures it out eventually, of course. Daisy and Lincoln aren't exactly subtle. 

But everyone is really, really happy for them.

The End.) 

This is my favourite bullet-point fic yet - thank you thank you thank you lovely anon for this wonderful prompt!!

[j-j-ehlby-writes]

Just So You Know (c.e.)

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: ~9.4k (whoops, got a little carried away with this one...)

Summary: She is a childhood friend of the Evans’ family. Chris realizes he’s in love with her, but will she feel the same way? Or will it be too late?

A/N: Another song inspiration... big shocker there. This time it’s not a 1D song though!  *LOOSELY* based on “Just So You Know” by Jesse McCartney. I was planning on using some of the lyrics but this fic gained a mind of its own.

Warnings: Angst (what’s new?), fluff, RDJ being a protective father figure, Hiddles being an absolute gem, Chris being.. well, Chris.

My Masterlist

Chris’ POV

I shouldn’t love her.

I know I shouldn’t. She’s ten years younger than me, but she’s my best friend and has been for almost three decades. She’s like family… but only to my siblings, mom, and dad. She’s never really felt like that for me. So why shouldn’t I love her? Because she’s never going to love me like that. She’s never going to love me as more than the older brother she’s seen me as her whole life. I’d be delusional to think otherwise.

Being my mom’s best friend’s daughter, she’s been in all of our lives for her entire life. Even though she’s younger than all of us, our entire family has always looked forward to her and her mom’s visits.

When her mom got a divorce when she was three, she brought her out to Boston where they lived with us for a time. Her mom said she wanted a brand new start for both of them and she couldn’t think of a better place to bring her daughter and raise her among people she calls “family.” My mom was thrilled to have both of them so close so she could be a bigger part in her best friend’s daughter’s life.

They stayed with us until her mom found a job and could afford to move out. My mom insisted that they could still stay with us, but her mom was persistent about having a place of their own. It was a sad day when they loaded the moving truck. But it wasn’t goodbye. They were moving to the next town over so we could still see them as often as we wanted. We also saw them every Friday for family dinner and game night every other Saturday.

There was always something special about that little girl. She always flocked to me whenever she arrived through our front door, even more so after they moved out. She was always running to me when I came through the door from being out at a friend’s or if she didn’t see me right away, she’d come looking.

She was endlessly, but harmlessly teased by all of my siblings because they knew I was her favorite. I took pride in it. Apart from her own mother, I was her favorite person. She was also mine. Every time she would come over during our large family gatherings, she would always be a little shy at first. But then I would ask, “do I get a hug?” and that shell would crumble.

As I got older, I was also trying to pursue my career in acting, so I had to move away from everyone, only being able to make it back when I had breaks. But no matter how long it was between visits, she always greeted me with the biggest smile.

Unfortunately before she could start middle school here, her mom’s parents had both gotten very sick and they needed to go back to their home state to take care of them. Because of that, her visits got to be fewer and fewer and my life became busier and busier. Both of those combined meant we lost contact for a while. I’d hear about what she was doing from my mom but I hadn’t seen her since my last visit when she was in Boston for Christmas and her 10th birthday.

Years went by without seeing her or her mom. My mom had told me that they had settled back into their home state and into their new routine. She was enjoying school and was excelling in just about every subject. It was weird going back home without either of them there or even close by. I missed knowing my favorite girl would be at the house waiting. I missed the big smile that would plaster her face whenever she saw me.

The first time in all of those years that I saw a picture of her, I noticed a change. A change in her… everything. Something I never noticed until I saw her senior pictures. My mom had sent them to me while I was away filming in Hong Kong. She was… stunning. I hadn’t seen her since we had both moved away. Our visits to Boston never seemed to have overlapped in the years passed. So the image I had of the little girl who I always saw running towards me was shattered in that moment. She suddenly wasn’t the little girl I once knew anymore.

The next instance that started to change my mind was when one of our visits did end up overlapping for once after she had started college. I was just to start filming Captain America and I was in desperate need of some time at home. I had no idea she was there and they had no idea I was coming, so when I walked into my parents’ house I had to stop. She was standing at the kitchen island with both of our moms, and my sister Carly holding my niece, Stella. She was making Stella giggle by blowing raspberries on her cheek. All of their eyes shifted to me but the only ones I noticed were hers. They shone more brightly than all of the stars in the sky. And her smile… my god, her smile. I swear my heart skipped a beat when she smiled at me. I was bombarded with hugs from my mom and my sister, but I couldn’t look away from her. She stayed back seeming to revert back to her shy nature.

I brushed off my family’s questions to approach her. I held out my arms to her, “Do I get a hug?” I ask smirking.

And just like she did as a small child, she wrapped her arms around my neck, settling into my arms like she never left. I couldn’t believe it. She was a woman. A breathtakingly beautiful woman. “Hey stranger,” she whispered into my ear.

“How’s my favorite girl?” I purr back before pulling back just enough to look her in the eyes. They sparkled. When did that become a thing? My hands cup her face as I try to get a better look at her up close. Her pictures don’t do her justice. She’s much more gorgeous in person. “God, where did that tiny little girl go?” I turn to her mom, “When did this happen?”

“Overnight,” she replied shrugging. Our moms exchange a look like they knew something we didn’t. They always pestered me, and not Scott for obvious reasons, saying that she’ll probably have a crush on me when she gets older. With how she behaved, it was a 50/50 shot. She’d either grow up to think about me as an older brother or her biggest crush. At the time, I hoped it was the former. I thought having someone so much younger than me, who me and my family thought was family, have a crush on me seemed wrong. But now that that time is here, I’ve completely changing my mind. I hoped for the latter.

Her visit wasn’t nearly long enough but she had to get back to school. I wanted to spend more time with her though. I wanted to get to know the woman she was now. She had changed so much, I felt like I barely knew her anymore. I wanted to change that though. So before she left, we exchanged numbers.

From then on, we talked close to every day. I flew her out multiple times when she had the time off to the sets of the Marvel movies. Everyone loved having her on set. They always found themselves drawn to her in between scenes.

She especially got close with RDJ and Scarlett. She got close with everyone on set but there was a special connection with her and Robert from the moment they met. He practically claimed her as “his.” He was like a protective father over her, not letting anyone near her unless he approved, he’d get her lunch when she insisted she wasn’t hungry, he went slightly nuts over her.

“Is she, uh, seeing anyone?” He asked me in a non-creepy-protective-father-way. “Like, does she have a boyfriend that I should be concerned about? She wouldn’t tell me.”

“Not that I know of.” I shrug, pretending like her being with anyone doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Apparently, I’m not very convincing though.

“And, uh, what about you, Cap?” He gestures with his glasses towards me. “You got any interest in her?”

Of course I did. She’s been the topic of my dreams for the past few years now. I’ve had to bite my tongue whenever anyone in my family brought her up. I have to stop myself from smiling like an absolute idiot when her name pops up on my phone. But of course I couldn’t tell him that.

“There’s really no use in denying it,” he continues before I even had a chance to answer. “It’s written all over that annoyingly perfect face of yours whenever anyone even mentions her name.”

“No.” I vehemently try to deny it, “She’s like family.” Even as I said that, I knew he wouldn’t believe it.

“If I looked at my family like that, I’d be in jail, so don’t even try to pawn it off on that.” He patted my back. “You have the hots for your best friend.”

 “It’s more than that.” I quietly admitted, my eyes finding where she was walking arm and arm with Tom Hiddleston. The smile that was plastered on her face was evident to everyone. She liked him. She also got close with Tom while on the set of this movie. They spent a lot of time together when we were shooting scenes he wasn’t in. I’d see them talking and laughing with each other, off by themselves walking around the set with her hand on his arm like they are now, looking more than comfortable around each other. To say I was jealous would be an understatement. How could I compete with him?

“Why don’t you just tell her?” He asked like it was obvious to everyone but me.

“Come on,” I turned away from them trying to busy myself as much as possible so I don’t completely lose it. “She’ll never look at me like that.” I subtly gesture back to them.

“Are you trying to act clueless or are you actually that clueless?” I furrowed my brows at him. “Everyone sees it. She looks at you like that tenfold. How can you not see that?”

“Because she doesn’t?” I snap, instantly regretting my slight aggression. I know I shouldn’t take out my frustrations on him. He only has the best and purest intentions. I shrug off my reaction. “Besides, why would she be interested in me when she has a guy like that?”

“You gotta give yourself more credit than that. You’re best friends. Don’t you think maybe, just maybe, she could feel the same way that you do?”

“If she did, and that’s a big if,” I couldn’t let my heart entertain the idea that it was true, but I couldn’t deny my sliver of hope that weaseled its way in, “why wouldn’t she tell me? Like you said, we’re best friends. Why couldn’t she trust me with that?”

“Like you’ve been so forthcoming with her?” He rolled his eyes, catching me in my bullshit. I know he’s right. I can’t be a hypocrite here. “Look, all I’m saying is tell her how you feel. You may be surprised.”

We were both called away having to go back to work, but later that night, he had one more thing to add, “When she does tell you, it may not be now or in the near future, but when she does,” his playful demeanor turned serious as his hand came down hard on my shoulder, “if you so much as think about hurting a pretty little hair on that gorgeous head of hers, you’ll answer to me. You got that?” I could see the fire in his eyes behind his threat. “She doesn’t have that father figure in her life, someone’s gotta step up.” He assumed that responsibility without hesitation the second he met her. I know he’s grown to love her like a daughter and I appreciate that more than he will ever know.

But this I knew for certain, “I can assure you with the utmost confidence that hurting her would be like hurting myself. I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good answer.” He clapped me on my back. “Gotta keep our girl happy so she’ll want to keep coming back.” With that, he was gone.

“You know he’s right.” Scarlett appeared at my other side.

“Does everyone have an opinion?” I ask amazed at how nosy people are in my business. Scarlett is someone I’ve known for many years. Having done multiple movies together already, we’ve gotten pretty close over those long days and nights of filming and press. So I go to her when I want advice from a woman that’s not related to me and I’m not in love with.

“Of course we do. We are the ones seeing you guys make googly eyes at each other for hours on end.” She smirks. “It’s gotten to the point where you guys just need to make out and confess your undying love for each other already. I don’t know how much more of the sexual tension we can take.” She skipped ahead of me. “We do want her coming back as often as possible, you know. It’ll give you plenty of opportunities.” She smiles teasingly before she rushes off to her car to leave for the night.

Everyone liked having her around so much I swear they preferred her over me. They would constantly asked me when she would be visiting again the second she leaves. They’ve even contacted her directly telling her to just drop everything and follow them around to every location. She’d always laugh them off, thinking they were crazy. I’d secretly always hoped one day she’d say she would. I know it wouldn’t be rational. She loves where she is and the constant traveling would be exhausting for someone who doesn’t have to. So they settled for her occasional visits instead.

Having them talk about her and consistently asking about her made me miss her more than I should. It felt like there was a part of me missing when she would leave. I think everyone on set could see that, too. The morale on set was just a tad lower when she wasn’t there.

So to make things a little easier, I offered for her to move out to LA after she finished college. I told her that she could live at my house since I wouldn’t be home very often due to my filming schedule with Marvel and the other projects I had lined up. I made sure she knew that she was more than welcome to spend as much time there as she wanted. To my surprise, she said yes, saying she was looking at some job opportunities in LA anyway so this would help her tremendously.

When I told my family the news, although they were supportive- they loved the idea of having me out there with her while she’s in a new city- they were also skeptical. Especially Scott.

“I just don’t want you to get your hopes up is all,” Scott had said being the most vocal about his skepticism. Of course I told him when I started to have feelings for her. He was the first person I told because I knew he would never judge me. He wasn’t the least bit surprised at the turn of events, saying he could have seen that coming from a million miles away. He told me to wait and see if it would go away… that was two years ago.

I tried moving on from her. Dating any woman was an attempt at that, but they could always see that my heart wasn’t fully into the relationship. Thankfully our respective schedules were going to be infinitely busy so all of the relationships ended it on good notes. “What would happen if she brings home a guy, or God forbid, you get a girlfriend? Wouldn’t that be a tad bit awkward having the girl you’re incurably in love with, in the next room?”

I didn’t plan on getting another girlfriend until I got up the courage to tell her how I felt. The best case scenario would be that she would tell me she’s just as crazy about me as I am her and we could happily be together. The worst would obviously be her rejecting me, changing our friendship for a while or longer and then I could finally move on from her… But deep down, I know that no one else could have my whole heart like she does. It wasn’t fair to the other girl if I would never be able to fully give my all which she deserved.

Years passed and our arrangement worked out perfectly. I would be away for a few months, come back and hang with her, do press, go home to Boston with her, then she would return to LA and I would head off to my next project. She never brought any potential suitors around and neither did I. It was as perfect of an arrangement as possible. I got to spend as much time with her as I could, and I couldn’t have been happier.

I had just finished filming Civil War when I was planning on finally telling her how I felt. RDJ tried to convince me to for years. Every movie we did together, he made it his personal mission to hype me up every day on set, getting me ready for when I would tell her. It took a few years but now I think I can do it. I couldn’t wait to see her again. Flying home, I had this whole speech ready for when I saw her. But then I got a call from my manager saying I was cast in another movie and was needed in Georgia within the week. As soon as I got home, I needed to pack for another three months or so in the Georgia heat.

But as soon as I stepped through the door, she dropped a bombshell on me: she and Tom had taken the next step and made it official.

To say I was devastated would be another understatement. The woman I was hopelessly in love with was dating someone that I call my friend. I didn’t even know what to do. She told me all about how he made her feel, but I hardly heard anything. I didn’t want to hear anything about how the man who was making my girl smile from ear-to-ear. They’ve been dating for a few months now since he came into town for a short time after filming a movie around the world.

I did end up meeting up with them together when she asked me to because I’m weak and can’t say no to her. I tried to be friendly with him because I actually liked the guy. That’s what sucked the most. She was with a genuinely good man who makes her happy. How could I try and interfere with her happiness because I was too afraid to tell her how I felt?

So I tried to go on with my life. I met someone on set of one of my movies and adopted a dog. Shortly after that, she moved out of my house and into an apartment a few miles away. It didn’t feel the same not having her there. After long press junkets in LA, I knew I would always come home to her smiling face. Coming home to an empty house after that… I didn’t like it. For years, I’d grown accustomed to having her there when I came home. The smell of her body spray lingered after she left, taunting me. I could have had her. She could have stayed and been mine if I had come clean sooner. Why did I wait so long?

After my relationship ended, instead of focusing on dating, I focused on my career. I managed to make it to the end of my contract with Marvel as well as some new projects.

When I had gotten back into town after filming for the last two Avengers movies, I got a call from Tom. I was caught completely off guard by his question… asking for my opinion on how he should propose to her. It’s coming up on three years now so I shouldn’t have been that surprised. But I still was. I had always hoped that they would either never get married or they’d break up before they got to that step. I mumbled something about how I was getting on a plane and would get back to him. I couldn’t tell him what he should do. Proposing to her… I wanted to do that. I wanted to be the one who got to that point with her. My chance was slipping away…

I texted Scott with the guise that we were going out to celebrate the end of my Marvel contract and he didn’t question it. We found a bar and I drank.

“So, what’s the real reason for this evening?” He asked after four beers and a shot of tequila. He probably figured that was the appropriate amount of alcohol consumed to ask.

 And after another shot of tequila, I was forced to come clean. “He wants to propose to her.” It pained me to the core to say those words out loud. “This is my worst fear coming true. I’m going to lose her. I’m going to lose any chance I have with her.”

He scoffed, “That’s not going to happen, bro. She would never ditch you because she got married.”

But that wasn’t what I meant. “I’m losing my chance. My window is closing.” That realization didn’t sit well with me. Scott tried to ease my anxiety for the rest of the night, but nothing helped.

When he and I parted, I took an Uber to her apartment. I didn’t care if it was 3 in the morning. I needed to see her and tell her before it was too late. The alcohol was severely effecting my judgement, but I didn’t want to wait another minute.

She buzzed me up after I tried my best to sound sober. But that facade was instantly broken when I tripped over the second to last step and then practically rammed into her door.

She looked even more breathtaking than the last time I had seen her. Her hair was tied up in a bun, she had no make-up on, and she was wearing a Captain America shirt. She didn’t look like she had been sleeping. She’s been a night owl her entire life so it was almost guaranteed that she would still be awake by the time I got here. Seeing her still took my breath away. I wanted to forget my feelings for her. I really did. I wanted to be able to move on and be happy, just like she had. But I couldn’t. I loved her more than I’d loved anyone before… but I could never have her.

“Are you okay?” She asks, stepping forward to help me stand.

“I’m aces.” I slur the end of the word, slumping my arm around her shoulders.

“Oh God,” her beautiful features twists with disgust, “are you drunk?” She drags me inside and shuts the door.

“I’mmmmmoderatelyfunctional.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She lowers me onto her couch before she starts to walk away, claiming she was going to grab a blanket and pillow for me.

“No, wait,” I stop her, pulling her down next to me. “I need to tell you something.”

“Chris,” she chided, “it’s three o’clock in the morning. Can’t it wait until a more appropriate hour?”

“No, because by that time, I may not have the guts to tell you what I’ve been dying to tell you for years now.” I sit up straight and focus on her. I hold her hand in mine. It was cold in my warm one. She waits for me to continue. I almost chicken out, but the last drink I chugged before leaving the bar pushes me forward. “I love you.”

Her brows furrow. “I love you, too, Chris. That’s not exactly new news to me.” She chuckles. “I mean, you have known me for my entire life so I expect there to be some sort of love to come from that.”

“No, no, no,” I shake my head a little too quickly making me dizzy for a split second. “I love you.” I put more emphasis on it so she would get what I meant. The shock that overtook her expression told me she understood this time. “I know I shouldn’t love you like this- I know I shouldn’t be in love with you like this- but I am. I so am. God I’m so in love with you. And I want to be… and that scares me. God I am so scared.” The alcohol was inhibiting my already frayed emotions. I felt the large lump form in my throat and the tears threaten to spill. I run my hands through my hair trying to get ahold of myself. “You’ve been there- you’ve always been there. Even when I didn’t think I deserved it, you were there. And now I feel like I’m going to lose you forever to him and I can’t let that happen. I don’t even know who I am without you.”

She wrapped one of her arms around my shoulders with the other hand bringing my cheek to her forehead, pulling me into a tight embrace as I let the waterworks fall and the word vomit spill out. I’d be surprised if she understood a single that slurred out of my mouth. “These feelings… they’ve taken control of me and I can’t help it. I can’t sit around anymore. I can’t let him win. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. Losing you would be like taking one of my limbs. You’ve been a part of my life since before I could really remember. I don’t even remember what life was like without you in it. I know that we’ve grown up together and me being in love with you could sound perverted, but I promise it’s nothing like that. I didn’t feel anything like that towards you until you were an adult, I swear. I swear. I hope you believe me because I honestly don’t know how I would live in a world without you.”

She knows how emotional I am on any given day. She knows I cry at romantic comedies. She saw how crushed I was when my bulldog passed away. She knows how much I cried on my last few days on the most recent Avengers set. And that’s when I was sober. The alcohol I had consumed earlier definitely doesn’t help with my already frayed emotions. I clutch to her arm like she is my lifeline. She is, though. She is the reason I am who I am today. This is definitely not the way I wanted to tell her. I wanted to do this smoother. But I’m running out of time.

She only pulls away when she feels I’m calmer. She gently pushes me to lay back down on the couch. I can feel the heaviness of sleep behind my eyes now that I’ve released all of my pent up emotions. She brushes my longer hair from my eyes and rests her hand on my cheek. She whispers, “We’ll talk more in the morning,” before she lays one of her many blankets over my body and I’m drifting further into slumber.

Reader’s POV

I have no words.

As I watch the man I’ve known my entire life snore softly on my couch, I try to process all of what he just confessed.

He loves me. And not in the familial way I always had thought.

I had so many questions. When? How long? Why now? Was he ever going to tell me? What brought all of this on? When did things change with him?

My heart wrenches as I watch the man I’ve been in love with since I was sixteen pass out on my couch after confessing his heart to me. I don’t know when it happened. But it did and I haven’t been able to forget about it since.

 I had always had Chris in my corner. After my parents divorced, his family basically took in my mom and I until my mom could get back on her feet. Lisa and Robert were wonderful people to be around on a daily basis as a child. They were fun, supportive, extremely helpful, and had the best kids for me to grow up around. Granted they weren’t “kids” when we moved there, but they never treated me as if I were an outsider. It was like they had adopted me as one of their own, always including me in everything, teaching me things that only “siblings” could teach you. Chris was always the more gentle one with me. He’d always come to my aid when Scott or Shanna were teasing me too much or playing too rough with me. Because I saw him as a protector, I found myself drawn to him. Whenever we would go to their house, I’d want to find Chris immediately. But because I was a shy kid, it would take me a while to come out of my shell. Until he said the magic words, “do I get a hug?”, then everything would be alright.

When he left to live in California, I cried. I knew I wouldn’t see him as often as I wanted anymore and that hurt. And then when my mom told me we were moving back to our home state to take care of my grandparents, I fell apart. Leaving everything I knew- my friends, my home, the Evans’- was the worst possible thing that could have happened at ten years old.

The last time I saw Chris before he left, he promised that he would come back and check on his “favorite girl.” As a kid, I made him pinky promise because that was law. After my mom and I moved, I didn’t hear from him. We heard from Lisa almost daily, but we didn’t hear a word from Chris. She had said that he was busy filming and traveling, but that wasn’t a good enough excuse.

He broke his promise to me. He didn’t come to visit us. He went home to Boston for major events like when Carly got married and had her three kids, holidays when he wasn’t working, and sometimes even just because. But he never came out to visit me.

I didn’t see any of his movies. His betrayal was too much for me to handle at the time. That was until one of my friends had me watch “Fantastic Four.” It was his most popular film at the time, but it wasn’t the type of movie I liked watching. But she had said it wasn’t like the typical superhero movie and Johnny Storm was “beyond hot” as the Human Torch. When I saw Chris’s face on my screen, it was like his broken promise was forgotten about. He was… handsome. He had always been good-looking but never like this. I had never seen him act so I didn’t know how good at it he was until that moment. His personality shined through the character, catching glimpses of the man I knew growing up. And in that moment, he wasn’t just “Chris Evans acting as the Human Torch,” he was just Chris: the man who had a piece of my heart that I would never get back.

For years I tried to forget about feeling like that. He was practically my older brother. Gross. But as I looked back on how he was with me, I knew there was something special between us. It’s like our souls were connected in a way that neither of us could have comprehended. And now it was like I recognized it, I saw that in him and I couldn’t ignore it. But I kept it to myself. No one knew of my feelings for him, not even my mom.

The next time I saw him was when my mom and I actually made it out there on my Spring break during my freshman year in college. We had already been there for a few days when he showed up unannounced. He had just wrapped filming for one of his movies and decided to surprise his family by coming home. To say, I was floored would be putting it lightly. Look-wise, he hadn’t changed at all, but there was also something very different about him. Maybe it was just me and my secret crush but he didn’t look like the guy I had grown up with. He was a handsome man who made my heart flip. And the fact that he kept his eyes on me the second he walked in didn’t make that any easier. Something shifted that day, but I thought it was only me. I stayed back to give Lisa and Carly time to greet him, hug him and bombard him with questions about what he was doing here, why he didn’t call, etc., but in my heart I wanted to run into his arms like I always had. The closer he got to me, the more I had to hold back. But when he held out his arms and asked if he could get a hug, it was like no time had passed. His strong arms wrapped themselves around me and I had never felt happier.

Our visit was way too short. Before we left, he pulled me aside and asked for my number so we could keep in contact. I was more than excited, but I immediately shut down any thought that he meant it as anything more than as a friend. He was a Hollywood star now with people throwing themselves at his feet…

And I thought that was bad. Fast forward a few years, after he had landed the leading role in Captain America, his life changed overnight. Everyone knew his name now. Countless people wanted to be with him. They shipped him with his co-stars, Hayley AND Sebastian. Under any other circumstance, he would have let his newfound fame get to his head. But he didn’t. He was still the kid from Boston that we all knew and loved.

He called me one day and invited me to the set of the Avengers movie he was doing. I was more than thrilled because he had never asked me to visit before. It was surreal. Seeing everything that went into that type of movie was amazing. And seeing Chris in his element was a phenomenal sight. I was there every day for a week, watching from the sidelines. 

I met all of the Avengers plus Samuel L. Jackson and Tom Hiddleston. Oh my gosh… To say I was a little overwhelmed would be a total fallacy. To be surrounded by so many brilliant actors and even better human beings was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I would never take advantage of. 

I talked mostly with RDJ, Scarlett, and Tom. RDJ treated me as a daughter almost instantly, always asking if I had needed anything or if I was having fun, cracking jokes about Chris behind his back, taking my side if there was ever a slight argument. He was absolutely amazing.

But then one day on set, while I was sitting in his chair, he approached me with a very blunt question that I never expected from him: “So, how long have you been in love with Evans?” I tried to hide it as best as I could, claiming we were just friends and that’s all, but he wasn’t buying it. “Are you really going to lie to me about this, sweetheart? It’s clearly written all over your face when you look at him.”

“Are you talking about her very obvious crush on Evans?” Scarlett popped up next to us with a smirk on her face. Scarlett was like the big sister I never got to have. She’d tease Chris just as much as I would in between takes, she’d give me the juicy set gossip, and we’d have lunch together when Chris couldn’t. I appreciated her company more than I imagined.

“See? Even she noticed.” Robert pointed to her before leaning on the arm of his chair with his back towards everyone else. “The only one who hasn’t is Chris but there’s an obvious reason there.”

“What the hell are you guys talking about?”

“Chris is just as in love with you as you are with him. He just is too chicken shit to say anything about it.” Scarlett’s name was called for the next scene so she had to take her leave.

“She’s right,” Robert confirmed, “he is. Chicken shit and everything.”

“You guys are delusional.” I peer down at my cuticles which are in dire need of picking at that very moment.

“Are we?” He calls for Ruffalo to come over for a second. All he says is Chris’s last name and then points at me. Mark agrees in a second without any other context. He asks Renner and Hemsworth along with Colbie and Clark the exact same question in the exact same way and they all answer the same way.

“You guys are mistaking familial love for romantic love. We’ve grown up together so there’s no way there’s anything more than that between us.” As those words left my mouth I knew I was lying. At least on my part. I still couldn’t believe that he felt that way towards me.

“Robert, you know it’s not nice to tease a lady.” Tom Hiddleston appears to my rescue fully dressed as the God of Mischief. And then there was Tom. Oh. My. Goodness. He was an absolute sweetheart which was the total opposite of his character Loki. The slight crush I had on him while watching Thor was immediately intensified upon meeting him in his Loki wardrobe. He was the perfect gentleman, too. He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek every morning, he offered me his arm when he was walking me around the set while the other Avengers were busy with their scenes, he’d make me swoon by just listening to him speak, and I’d full-body laugh whenever he’d tell a joke. Oh gosh, my heart was loving him.

“I’m not teasing. I would never tease her.” The sarcasm was dripping from his tone. “I’m just telling her what we all know and what she refuses to believe.” I know he means well, but I don’t think anyone could change my mind when it comes to how Chris feels about me.

“Come on, darling,” Tom reaches for my hand, gently pulling me out of the chair, “let’s go get some lunch.”

“Hey,” Robert stops me, “you know I only want what’s best for you, right?” His eyes soften as he can see that his words have slightly upset me. I nod. “Good.” He pulls me into a hug and kisses my temple. “You know we’re all right, though. It’s in his eyes when he looks at you.” He whispers to me before he’s called away and Tom escorts me to craft services.

“Am I blind?” I ask him when we’re away from everyone else. “Or am I the delusional one?”

He chuckles at me, “No, my sweet, you are not either of those things.”

“But?” I ask feeling like there was going to be one at the end of his sentence.

“You may not be blind or delusional, however,” he continues with a fancier version of what I was expecting, “I don’t think you’re really seeing. You’re looking at him, but I don’t think you’re truly seeing the way he looks at you.”

“Great,” I sigh, “so I’m an idiot.”

“You are not an idiot. You are a hopeless romantic with a heart of gold.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder in comfort. “It’ll be alright, darling.”

We quietly ate our lunch until Tom was called back to set, giving me a kiss on the cheek before he left. I resumed enjoying the rare alone moment. I tried to think about the last few years whenever I saw Chris. It wasn’t often but whenever we did see each other, his hugs seemed to linger a little more than before, he seemed to try to keep our conversations going just a little longer, and he would make up any excuse to sit by me… How was I just noticing all of this now? Was I really that blind to it?

I thought they were just teasing me. They all knew of my feelings for him, no matter how many times I tried to deny it, so I figured they were just treating me like the new kid on set, but after that lunch, I watched Chris do a scene and as soon as Joss called “cut,” his eyes would search until they found me. The smile that would adorn his face spoke volumes, but not of the romantic love.. I could see. I could see it all and they were all wrong.

If he felt that way, why wouldn’t he say anything? I’m his best friend. He can tell me anything. Why would this be any different?

For five years, Tom and I would hang out and he would try and help me forget about my unrequited love towards my best friend. It would help for a while but the second I would drive up to Chris’s house again, all memories Tom and I made would take a backseat.

After a little public stint with a singer who shall not be named, he came up with an idea: pretend to date in front of Chris. He cared for me enough that he could see how crazy I was about Chris and he wanted to help him to realize that I won’t always be there waiting for him. He was just finishing up his latest movie so we figured that would be the best time to come out with it. I hated lying to my best friend. But if lying helps even in the slightest, it’d be worth it.

When I told him, my heart broke into a million pieces at his reaction. He tried to hide the sudden sadness in his eyes by quickly masking it with surprise and then joy. But I knew him better than that. He couldn’t hide that strong of an emotion from me. Why would he have been upset though? Could everyone have been right about him all along?

I asked him if he would hang out with us now that Tom is “officially” my “boyfriend” hoping that once he saw me with someone else, he’d say something. He seemed closed off during the meeting, but I attributed it to him thinking about his next movie. He and Tom had always gotten along so I didn’t understand why he couldn’t push that aside to have a nice time with us.

While he was away, rumors started to spread that he and his co-star had also started a relationship. I didn’t want to believe it. He’d dated other women before but those were just flings. He never confirmed those relationships either. He always let people speculate. I didn’t want to believe that this girl had changed that.

It wasn’t until he got back to LA with the cutest dog I’ve ever seen in my entire life that he confirmed my nightmare. I tried to be happy for him. I really did. He deserved to be happy even if it wasn’t with me. He deserved someone who could be honest with him...

I ultimately made the decision to move out of his house after walking in on them making out on the couch. I didn’t want another incident like that to happen ever again. My heart could not take it. So in order to protect it, I left. Leaving him and Dodger was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I wanted to go back home, but my job kept me here. I ended up renting a one-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment a few miles away. It actually made my commute to work easier so it was a better situation altogether.

Three years passed and nothing had changed. Chris’s relationship lasted a majority of that but with the end of his Marvel contract nearing soon, he seemed more focused on his career than dating. I wasn’t surprised in the slightest. He’s a very career-oriented and an independent man, but deep down inside I know he wants a family. He wants a traditional life with family traditions like decorating the tree at Christmas and Family game nights. I know he has yearned for that connection with someone, even when he’s tried to hide it. 

In those three years, Tom and I kept up with our plan. We weren’t public about it, but all of our close family and friends knew about it. Everyone but Chris knew the truth. He never suspected anything and he never said a thing about it…

Until he came to my apartment at 3 o’clock in the morning, plastered.

All night I sat up on my loveseat, watching him.

All this time, he actually did feel the same way about me as I did him. For years, he’s harbored these feelings of love for me and I had no idea. I wanted to tell him the whole truth but not while he was inebriated. He needed a clear head which is why I’m waiting.

I text Tom, knowing he’s in London and awake by now. I ask him what exactly he said to my drunk and seemingly broken-hearted best friend. I know that’s what this was all about. Tom must have said something to Chris to make him quite literally crack. Tom’s one emoji response told me everything I needed to know. Chris’s fear of losing me forever makes all of the sense in the world now.

So I laid and waited, getting some work done while consuming some caffeine to stay awake until he decides to wake up. I know it won’t be pretty so I set out a trash bin by his head and a glass of water with some aspirin on my coffee table for the massive hangover he’s bound to have when he inevitably does wake up.

His groans breaking the silence let me know when he was indeed returning to the land of the conscious. “Oh God,” he grunts as everything from last night starts to hit him.

“Trash bin by your head.” I tell him as I saw him looking around for one out of the corner of my eye. On cue, he lurched over and emptied the contents of his stomach into the bin. Thankfully I was far enough away so I didn’t smell it. I would be joining him too if I even caught a whiff of it. When he finally sat back, I continued my instructions, “Aspirin and water are on the coffee table.” He immediately grabbed both, gulping it down after popping the pills. “Extra toothbrush is in the bathroom.”

“I’ll get to that,” He winces as he leans back once again, “when the room stops spinning.” He groans again, covering his face with a pillow to shield the light.

I took that as my cue to brew him some coffee. I traded him for the pillow when it was finished. It took him two cups to finally sit up completely. He sat with his elbows on his knees and his hands covering his face. I sat on the table in front of him after handing him his third cup. He nursed the cup refusing to make eye contact with me.

“Did you stay up all night?” He asks eyeing where I was sat, knowing me well enough to know I would never be up this early unless I never went to bed in the first place.

“We need to talk about last night.” I ignored his question, speaking quietly not wanting to irritate the pounding in his head. He nods, knowing that this conversation was inevitable. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was going to, but then you and Tom and I met Jenny…” he drifted off seeming like he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. “I didn’t want to ruin anything, between us or otherwise.”

“I really wish you would have said something…” I take a deep breath, bracing myself for his reaction for what I’m about to tell him. I hoped he wouldn’t be mad, but I’d understand if he would be. “… because Tom and I aren’t really dating.”

His head snapped up so quickly, I’d be surprised if he didn’t get whiplash. “What?”

“He’s a phenomenal guy, but there’s never been anything more than friendship with him. He’s become one of my best friends, only third to you and Scott though.” I smirked trying to make light of the situation.

But by the flabbergasted look on his face- mouth slightly open, brows furrowed, eyes barely blinking- he couldn’t believe what I was saying. Even a brilliant man such as Chris is having a hard time processing this. I gave him time to, waiting for him to say something.

“Why?” was the first thing he asked. Since it was a vague question, I tried to answer as many of the “whys” there would be. From why we did it in the first place to why I didn’t tell him and why I lied to him as well as why nothing ever happened between me and Tom…

That one was the easiest to answer. “Nothing like that ever happened between us because he’s known from the beginning that my heart would always be with someone else.” I made sure to maintain eye contact with him through it all so he would know that I was being 100% truthful. I needed him to know that despite the lies I told about my fake relationship, I have never lied to him about anything else and I will never lie to him again.

“If all of it was fake then why did he ask me about how he should propose to you?” was his next question. He’s been quietly listening as I’ve tried to explain it all. I know this was a loaded question that was coming.

“Tom is one of the biggest romantics I know, do you honestly think he would need help with planning one of the most romantic gestures one can make?” I asked back, trying to get him to think about his question for a second.

I could see the wheels turning in his head until it dawned on him. He didn’t need help at all. “He wanted a reaction out of me.” He concludes running his hands down his face again.

“I can promise you, Chris that I had nothing to do with him asking you about that. I figured he’d said something to get that reaction out of you, but I never expected it to have been… that. I’m so sorry.”

“No,” he protested, taking both of my hands in his, running his thumbs over my knuckles, “please don’t be sorry. If I had told you sooner, none of this would have happened. I just…” he squeezed my hands a little tighter, “I couldn’t let you go any further into that relationship without telling you the truth.”

“When did you know?” This was the one burning question I was dying to ask. I needed to know which moment it was for him where he realized his feelings. I needed to know what moment was so significant to him that it changed his mind about me.

“I first noticed a difference when my mom sent me one of your senior pictures. You weren’t the little girl I remembered you to be. You were so… beautiful. I couldn’t believe it.” A small smile cracked his serious demeanor. “And then I knew it wasn’t just a simple crush when I saw you after that. You quite literally took my breath away.” He chuckled at the memory. “And looking back now, I realize there was always something between us, but never in a million years did I think it would turn into this.”

“You got that right,” I concur. Never did I think I would be head over heels with the guy who helped teach me how to ride a bike and wouldn’t give up until I was as fast as him and his friends, who also pushed me around in the toy Jeep I had gotten for my birthday until our parents made us come inside, who protected me during the thunderstorms I was terrified of as a child… there was a special connection between us. Who would have thought it would evolve to something like this?

“When did you?” He asks looking so deeply into my eyes I swear he can read my soul.

I giggled at the memory. “I was sixteen. My friend made me watch Fantastic Four.” He full-on laughed at the mention of that movie. He dropped my left hand so he could grab his left pec. “Stop laughing at me, you jerk!” As hard as I tried, I couldn’t help but laugh along with him. That kind of laugh was contagious. It wasn’t until we calmed down that I continued, “And I don’t know. Something inside me just… clicked. That was it for me. I’ve been keeping it a secret ever since then.” I shook my head at how ridiculous we’ve both been. “But I think I’ve been in love with you for my entire life. I just didn’t know what it meant until then.”

He stares at our still joined hands, “We’ve been keeping the biggest secret from the other for so long, neither of us knowing that sharing said secret would be exactly what we wanted to hear.”

I continue, “Neither of us wanting to risk ruining our decades long friendship in case the other didn’t feel the same way.” We chuckled at how much we thought alike.

“So,” he cradles my cheek with his hand, I lean into his warm gentle touch, “where do we go from here?”

“Well I think you need some more sleep to get rid of your hangover and I need to actually get some sleep.” I stand up, “Come on.” I drag him off of the couch and into my bedroom. 

He teases me as he wraps his arms around me from behind, “I’ve dreamed of this day for years.”

I burst out laughing at how alike we thought in that exact moment. I must be tired. I playfully shove him onto the bed, not feeling an ounce of guilt when he winces in pain from his still-throbbing head. “We are just sleeping, mister.” I climb in next to him, turning my back to him. We both lay there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. So I take initiative, reaching behind me and grabbing his arm, bringing it around my waist. He giggles as he scoots until he’s spooning me.

He hums in satisfaction. “Just so you know,” he leans into my ear and whispers, “I love you.”

The smile on my face can’t be denied. I’m thankful he can’t see. “I love you.” I whisper back before we drift off into silence.

The last thing we both think about before we succumb to our exhaustion is this… RDJ was right and he will never let us live this down.

Tags: @the-marvel-wars @elusive-beauty @im-a-slut-for-an-accent @fantasy-is-my-reality @drakesfiance

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Ayato Sakamaki (Story 07)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! I’m an amateur translator, but I hope you do enjoy it anyway!♡

Place: Orange Mansion — Ruki’s bedroom

Yui: hm...

...uhh... it’s Ruki-kun's room...

(I had a dream when I was at the Sakamaki house... I miss that mansion)

I wonder how Ayato-kun has been doing since yesterday... but—

I may be mistaken but... Ayato-kun’s memories are finally back...

(Ah, someone is coming—)

*someone comes in*

Ruki: Breakfast is ready. We’ll meet in the livingroom

Yui: Alright. I’m coming. Thank you... huh?!

(I- I’m still in my pajamas... !)

Why didn’t you knock tho... !

Ruki: You’re in my room. Do I have to knock to enter my own room?

I have no personal interest in you in the first place.

We just need you to make someone of us the king and thats it.

Yui: ...uhh

Ruki: Change your clothes quickly and then come with me, don’t think about anything strange

*Ruki leaves*

Yui: (...He really acts like I’m just a thing to order around)

The key to become king, is me. Even if I said that I can’t remember anything ...

Yeah, there is something I could remember. But for that they need to let Ayato-kun out!

Place: Orange Mansion — Dungeon

Yui: (... I made it. I used the way which Kanato taught me and I came back without being found ......)

(I'm worried about Ayato-kun's condition from yesterday, he hasn’t eaten anything for a long time)

(After eating, I managed to bring out the food without being found by Ruki-kun)

(I know that vampires don’t need food, but I think it will change the mood)

Ayato: ...oh? Chichinashi!

Yui: Ayato-kun! Are you alright?

Ayato: Of course. Anyway, what brings you here?

Yui: Well, I made sandwiches. They are with ham and eggs. Wanna eat them?

Ayato: Hah? Did you bring it in purpose?

Choices

1) — I want you to get better (white) ♡ ♡ ♡

2) — I want you to eat (black)

— I want you to get better ♡

Yui: I wanted you to get better soon that’s why I made them.

Ayato: It's not like I’d die if I don’t eat anything

Yui: But you will always get bored here, right? I think it's okay to change the mood

— I want you to eat

Yui: I want Ayato-kun to eat. I did my best to make it.

Ayato: Heh, whatever

Yui: Oh, I've been picking apples for dessert. You can eat them if you preferred that

end Choices

Ayato: I don't feel like eating. You should know that my food arrived already?

Yui: Huh...

Ayato: I’m talking about your blood

Yui: (After all, its still like that...)

(I thought you restored your memories yesterday... ?)

Ayato: Oh, let me drink quickly, get closer to the steel grid

Yui: Y-Yes...

*Yui gets closer*

Ayato: Hey, your face, turn it right here

Yui: My face? What are you going to do?

Ayato: That’s good, now close your eyes

Yui: Oh, but ... I'm scared to close my eyes

Ayato: Do it now.

Yui: (His breath... it’s so close...)

Ayato: ...Nn

*Ayato kisses Yui*

Yui: Eh... ?

(Huh! He kissed me on the cheek... what?)

Ayato-kun... ?

Ayato: Heheh... What's with that scared face. It’s kinda funny

Yui: No... ! That was awful. I was really scared about what you’d do... !

Ayato: hehe, my girlfriend really is the cutest.

Yui: (What? Ayato-kun's atmosphere is getting softer because of this ...)

Are you really remembering everything... ? The Sakamaki mansion and all...

Ayato: I do

Yui: ... !

Ayato: Those fake memories were blown away like nothing ever happened

I am Sakamaki Ayato, I shouldn’t forget that so easily.

And you — are the most important person on earth for me

Yui: I’m...

Ayato: You should believe what I’m saying

Yui: (No... I’m too happy that my vision started blurring)

I missed you so much... If your memories weren’t coming back, I wonder what I’d do ...

Ayato: Look directly at me. In front of you is the Ayato, you badly fell in love with and who will protect you.

I managed to remember you. I finally got ride of that dizziness...

Yui: I’m so happy you do...

(As long as Ayato’s memories came back, I’m happy with everything...)

Ayato: I wish I could hold you in my arms but this iron grid is in my way

Jeez, that asshole called Ruki really locked me up in here, without any hesitation.

Yui: Oh... Do you remember what happened after you came to this house?

Ayato: Ah. Not really, the way our memories got changed messed up my whole mind.

Hey, do you know what happened?

Yui: N-No. I just know that everyone’s memories are weird—

*someone opens door*

Yui: Huh... ?

Ruki: After all, you really came here

Yui: (Shin-san! Ruki-kun!)

Ayato: Tch... the trouble arrived

Yui: Why are you here...

Ruki: I thought that you’d get in touch with Ayato now or later, so we decided to pay you both a nice visit

Yui: (Ah... they expected that I’d go to the dungeon)

Ruki: However, it’s unexpected, that Ayato is surprisingly calm.

I was going to collect you before Eve would become a victims of the beasts fangs...

I should’ve been a little earlier. Or did the beast not put his fangs in your neck already?

Yui: Ayato-kun, is not a beast. And he’d never force me to give him my blood

Shin: That's what you think and what your mouth says. Did you forget the other day already?

Yui: No, I remember! But... Ayato-kun is fine now. Because he finally remembered who he is and who I am to him!

Shin: Hah? What does that mean?

Yui: (I tried to explain it so many times by now... It’s just frustrating!)

Ruki: Shin, hold Eve. I suddenly got a good idea for an intense punishment

Yui: Huh?!

Ayato: What?!

Shin: I understand, brother. You see, come here!

Yui: Agh! Stop, release me!

Shin: There’s no way to escape. You’re way too weak against me.

Ayato: Damn it, let her free! She didn’t do anything wrong!!

Ruki: Ayato, I told you many times. Eve is the key to become king. Not a simple toy.

Ayato: That’s wrong, you’re not better! You assholes are not taking her away from me again!!

Yui: Ayato-kun... hn!

Ruki: ...I understand. Shin, hand over Eve to me

Shin: Understood, there you go, brother

Yui: Stop! What are you doing... ?

Ruki: It is often said that curiosity kills cats.

You broke the statement and contacted Ayato without notice. I shall punish you then

Yui: ...Nn

Ruki: And Ayato, it seems useless to tell you anything in words. That’s why—

I have to show you clearly and make you understand

Ayato: What are you saying?

Ruki: Take a good look. At your beloved Eve —

Yui: Wha—

(His fangs are touching my neck... is he going to drink my blood?!)

No... stop! Ayato-kun... !

Ayato: Oi, stop that! Release her now!

Shin: Shut up. Just wait and watch it. Because this is your punishment

Ayato: Shut up! Why are you doing that! Do you want to show me your strength or what!

Shin: Aren’t we allowed to play a little with our toy too? Oh right, she belongs to our selfish Ayato

I think you would be forgiven if you're willing to follow your brother's order from now on?

Ayato: Orders...? Don’t talk shit! I’d never follow any orders you’d give me!

Shin: Haa... it’s already too late I see

Ruki: That’s right.

Yui: A-Ayato-kun...

(I hate to be sucked from any other vampire then Ayato... but this—)

That’s alright... yes. Because I’m fine.

Ayato: Hah?! What are you saying!

Yui: There is nothing I can do against it. I really hate being sucked by others

But the person who I love, is nobody else then Ayato-kun.

Ayato: You...

Yui: (As long as I can afflict Ayato-kun at least a little)

(I’m sorry... this is the only method...)

Ayato: Fuck... how can you smile over that...

I don’t want someone else to suck your blood.

Yui: Ayato-kun... ?

Ayato: Realise her now...

Ruki: What... ?

Ayato: I told you to let Yui go!!

*Ayato breaks the iron grid*

Yui: What are you?!

Shin: You must be kidding? The Iron grid...

Ayato: This prison is way too weak to hold me back from taking her from you.

Now pass her over!

*Ayato pushes Ruki*

Ruki: agh... !

Yui: Ayato-kun... ugh..

Ayato: Finally, I got you back...

Yui: I...

(After such a long time... he’s holding me in his arms again)

(I’m so relived. I just... I... )

We finally... are together again.

Ayato: You idiot... you look so speechless right now...

Yui: What is that supposed to mean? I’m just happy... I wanted to be in your arms again... its kinda funny...

(My vision is getting blurry... no, I shouldn’t cry now)

Ayato: Jeez, why are you holding them back? If you want to cry do it

After all, I can’t continue my life without seeing your face everyday

Yui: Yes, without Ayato-kun in my life, I can’t continue living.

Ayato: Heh... you didn’t change. Well, of course. At the end you’re still the one I treasure the most.

My dear. The person I want to protect at all cost...

I won’t allow you to go to any other man besides me. Even if you die, I won’t allow it.

You’re only allowed to love me, and me only.

Yui: ...Yes!

(I can’t hold back anymore... I’m just too happy I don’t care if I cry)

(I like this mood...)

Ayato: ...ugh, nh... !

Yui: Huh...?

*Ayato collapses*

Yui: A-Ayato-kun?!

(He collapsed? What happened?!)

Ayato-kun?! Wake up!

Kanato: Shut up. I just lost my temper already because of how reckless that day was

Yui: K-Kanato-kun. Hes alive right...?

Kanato: That's probably right. That idiot Ayato can't die that easily

Yui: We should get him in a bed... ! Ruki-kun please help!

Ruki: Let's allow Ayato to return to the room. Instead-

You should tell me what happened between you two very detailed

Yui: ... !

Yes, I understand... please take care of Ayato-kun.

Ruki: Understood

Monologue

Ayato-san, who fainted, was safely taken out of jail.

He started sleeping so peaceful, my chest got warm when I watched him.

Finally I got him back. His memories finally came back

Most importantly, I love you — Ayato.

[sick-raven]

Ghosts of the Present - Chapter 9

Chapter 1 + warnings

AO3

Previous chapter

Chapter 9

The fire got his attention right away. Batman was on his usual patrol when he learnt the house is burning – normally he would leave this to firefighters, but the address was well known to him. That’s where Miranda Bradbury lived. She gave him few wrinkles these last two months. Since he helped her, she was like and uncontrollable force, killing people left and right either working with Crane or just being paid for it. It looked like someone got her back for it.

He arrived just in time to see a woman run away from flames. She stumbled, looked very wobbly and unstable. Batman jumped to the street – trail of mud was left behind her.

Clayface. Basil Karlo, sometimes Betty Karlo. What was she doing here?

“Betty, wait,” he called.

“Shit,” Betty replied and tried to fasten up. Her leg tore off and she fell face down with wet splat. “Shit,” she commented weakly.

“What happened here?”

***

“Witch, destroying everything! She will pay for it I tell you!” Edward Nygma angrily restarted his puzzles Banshee messed up with her entrance. He smashed codes into numeric pads and moved around giant chess pieces he prepared as a great war puzzle for Batman.

Sweating like a bull he pushed queen to her place. “Thinking she is better than me,” he huffed. The queen got stuck on something. He moaned in frustration and kicked the stupid thing.

Queen staggered and leaned on one side. “No!” If it falls, he will never pick it up again! Edward ran to the other side to catch the bloody thing.

“Nooo!”

It was heavier than it looked.

Batman found him pinned to the floor by giant chess piece repeating swear words alphabetically in several languages he didn’t even speak properly.

“I’m looking for Banshee.”

“Witch! That damn wench, I’ll get her!”

“I guess that means she was here.”

***

Staff of Arkham gave him empty looks. As if they were drugged and didn’t even see him. The League of assassins hired several Gotham rogues to do their bidding. That sounded too complicated for Ra’s al Ghul. He always hired people he knew won’t mess up their job. That can’t be said about Clayface or Riddler. Not even mentioning Killer Croc. Ra’s was playing dangerous game and as it looked it already went out of hand when Miranda got involved.

What was the point?

Batman took the elevator down and entered chaos.

Assassins were running around in panic shouting at each other, pointing to different locations, arguing. None of them paid attention to the new visitor. Batman has never seen these top-level killers so unfocused.

Among the people he noticed top hat running to the elevator. Mad Hatter screamed in high-pitched voice when he collided with Batman. Jervis fell on his butt, looked shocked, his chest rose and fell under frantic breathing.

“Bat!” he shouted. Then he caught his head, looked behind himself, then forced his stare to the ground and rattled his teeth. “What to do, what to do?”

���What’s going on here, Tetch?” Batman awoke him to reality.

Jervis clumsily stood up and dusted his butt. “Bandersnatch…” he started and gulped loudly. “Bandersnatch…” he started again taking desperate look to the tunnel he just ran out of. “What to do?” he whispered again.

“Focus.”

“Bandersnatch said you need to meet the head of demons,” Jervis said so fast, Batman almost didn’t recognize the words.

“Ra’s al Ghul is here? Where?”

One last look to the tunnel and Jervis danced to different path. “This way, Bat. Scary swordsman is waiting for you, we mustn’t be late.”

The crowds of soldiers were still running amok, but Batman has decided to follow the Hatter. The further they got the more focused assassins were. Finally, a sound of hammers and wall crumbling invited them into hall where Ra’s al Ghul stood, angry look on his face. He turned to Batman and any sign of annoyance disappeared.

“Ah, detective, welcome. I planned to greet you more properly, but as you can see, we have little… disruption. Nothing we cannot deal with.”

Batman didn’t let any confusion show on his face but didn’t know what to think. Clayface told him she was working for the League and they were supposed to catch Banshee. At first, he thought Miranda will need help, but it seemed more like she stumbled into something bigger by accident. And now she gave the same wrinkles to Ra’s.

“What are you planning?” asked Batman. Sound of crumbling wall almost buried his words.

Ra’s smiled. Batman didn’t mean the wrinkle metaphor literally, but it seemed like the Demon’s head will become the Demon’s grandpa soon. “I’ve come to prepare a place for you. To be the judge, to be the leader you were meant to be. I came to offer you the League!”

If Batman didn’t want to keep his face, he would cuss Ra’s out of the Gotham. “We’ve been over this. I will not join your cult full of killers.”

“No, not join. Lead!”

“That neither.”

With last hit whole wall crumbled and showed dark tunnel hidden behind it. “Finally,” Ra’s commented. “That will be the first gift to you as the new Demon’s head. Lazarus pit! Hidden all that time under your own city!”

“I had enough of your games, Ra’s. Leave my city!”

Ra’s sighed dramatically and shook his head. “I expected this result.” With a snap of his fingers two dozen soldier entered the room with the same blank expressions Arkham employees had. Two of them carried TV showing a mall in Narrows, full of people going about their day.

“You have two choices,” Ra’s said. “You kill me and take my place, or I will release the toxin to all those innocent people and order them to kill themselves like this.” He snapped his fingers again and one of the soldiers stabbed himself in heart. Batman couldn’t even react, it happened in light speed.

“You are sick, Ra’s!”

“They were supposed to be ordered by Mr. Clayface with my looks, but I am sure most of them are desperate enough to want to die without his voice or Mr. Tetch’s hypnosis. Narrows are such depressing place, most suicides in Gotham are from there, did you know? They will follow my orders.”

Jervis nervously laughed and rubbed his hands. “Gas,” he whispered. “Gas.”

Batman clenched his teeth.

“What’s it going to be then, detective? Strike me down. Kill me, take my place!”

“Gas,” mumbled Jervis eyes set on Batman. “Gas.”

Batman had experience that taught him to never trust his enemies. They were ruthless and crazy. They went to terrible lengths to get what hey wanted. But many of them had honour and tried to get better. He adored them for that and hated he couldn’t help, and they always slipped him and went back to causing harm. But he has seen how it looked when they tried to help and, in those instances, he knew trust in them will not be misplaced.

“Gas,” whispered Hatter again.

“Do your worst,” Batman decided.

That answer shocked Ra’s. His eyes widen. “I am not joking around. Those people will die, and their blood will be on your hands! One way or the other you will become killer, you will be one of us.”

“I am not bluffing.”

Ra’s face turned in anger. “Do it!” he ordered.

The screen showed the mall filling with white gas. Batman felt a stab of uncertainty. Maybe he shouldn’t have trusted the Hatter. Did he make mistake? Did he just kill…

The people waved their hands around to get rid of the smoke and laughed. Then laughed some more. No hysterics not like when you let Joker in chemical lab, but they obviously got very high and very happy.

“What is this?” Ra’s grinded his teeth.

“Bandersnatch fixed the formula,” Hatter grinned. “You do not harm friends.”

“You little!”

Batman attacked. Ra’s never got to Hatter. He had to protect himself. Strong fighter like him never had problem with it. But as he grew old, he grew weaker. And Batman was at his peak.

Ra’s al Ghul lost very soon.

And Batman will have to clean all this mess.

***

“I had to clean all your mess.”

Batman stood on roof of a small apartment complex in cheap part of town.

“They started it,” Miranda answered. Even after two days she looked tired. Her hand was patched, she had trouble moving and what was the worst, she was heartbroken as hell. When she didn’t wiggle in pain, she cried over lost property, lost books and Jonathan. This is not what she wanted when she got her feelings back.

“You killed many people.”

“Are you going to jail me?”

“Unfortunately, there is no evidence against you.”

“Yeah, I won’t tell everyone I can cut people with my mind. Oops.”

“I already know.”

“I figured. Why are you here? Just to teach me a lesson?”

“If the League is ever back in the city, you need to tell me, Miranda. I have my disputes with them. I must know.”

“You never gave me your number.”

“Just start the bat-signal.”

“What’s up with that thing anyways? Are you seriously looking up in the sky all the time? That’s tiring.”

Batman smirked. “Get better soon. Stay out of trouble.”

“Don’t count on it.”

He grappled away. Miranda stayed alone on the roof looking at stupid blimps flying overhead. Using ghosts exhausted her. Constantine warned her – every time she uses them, more of her life energy will drain. Count on them too much, bam, you are dead before you turn forty. That wasn’t her goal. She just wanted to be the one in control and she showed those bastards she can. A prison, a prisoner and now a warden.

Yet she felt empty.

And she hated that feeling.

***

Jonathan needed long sleep. He didn’t leave his bed for days. Even if police would threaten to take his door down, he wouldn’t bother getting up. The work for the League has left him mentally drained and what happened with Miranda has left him angered at world and mostly himself, for he is an idiot.

So, he slept, ate and slept some more. Only Jervis tried to call him to figure whether he was cut to pieces under Arkham.

“No, I am alive,” he said tired to the phone and turned it off when Jervis started crying loudly.

All that sleeping and eating allowed him to settle his thoughts. He put on long gloves and dug through them one at the time, awake, in dreams, asking himself hundred questions and properly answering even the most stupid ones.

“What did I do wrong?”

“You are insecure prick.”

“Elaborate.”

“You think everyone hates you, you cannot be loved and therefore you expected to be betrayed and you just waited for that gotcha moment.”

“Ah. Fuck off.”

“Next question.”

“How do I fix myself?”

How does he indeed? He tried in the past and the path of good locked forever and he threw the key to acid and then cemented over it. That didn’t stop him from improving himself for himself though, right?

Right.

He slept and ate and slept some more and days turned into week and then two. So, after two weeks he finally managed to get himself together. He shaved, brushed his hair and he looked like a human again and not a wreck. He also had all the answers and he was ready to put them to good use.

And if it doesn’t work, he won’t act like a little child. He promised that to himself every night.

Bound in nervousness, yet confident, he knocked on the door. A person opened and looked at him like a murderer just entered the hall.

“The fuck you want?” asked Terry needlessly. They folded their arms blocking his view inside.

“I want to talk to Miranda.”

“Let me thin- no. You are not talking to Miranda, you jerk. She had enough of you,” Terry stood their ground. “You can be on your merry way, bye.”

“Let me talk to her.” Jonathan didn’t plan to give up either.

“Or what? You will scaaare me?” chuckled Terry in mocking way. That will definitely go on the list of complaints.

“No,” Jonathan scoffed. “I will come again and again. Every day until she is the one who opens the door. So, save me and you the time and get her.”

Terry rolled their eyes and closed the door. Jonathan waited. It almost felt useless, but the door finally opened again and there she stood. Miranda looked at him with the same mixed feelings he felt inside. He wouldn’t back off now.

“Miss Bradbury, good afternoon,” he said thankful he is a jerk and can control his voice as if nothing ever happened. “You left this at our last appointment.”

He handed her The Martian Chronicles. It must have burnt with her flat and he didn’t manage to get the same print, but he figured it’s a good excuse.

“Ah. Thank you,” she said little awkwardly. “Did you like it?”

“Yes, it was thought inducing book.”

“I appreciate you brought it back, professor. I missed… it… dearly.” She didn’t smile, but she tried her damnest to look him in the eyes. He had similar problem.

“To be honest, it’s not the only reason I’ve come.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No. Now, I know it’s not really appropriate for a doctor to do this, so feel free to say no. I wanted to ask whether you would consider going out on a date with me?”

Miranda smiled a bit. “You are right, that’s not really good patient-doctor relationship.”

“I know. But I would love to talk outside office hours. And to get to know you better.”

“See, professor, I was in a bit of pickle not that long ago. Cost me four fingers. My temporary landlord won’t let me come home after ten.”

“I will ensure you are home on time,” he smiled. “Lunch tomorrow?”

“Okay. I will wait for you.”

She shifted a bit as if she wanted something, but only said silent goodbye and closed the door behind herself. Jonathan breathed out all the nervousness. Yes! It worked.

“SERIOUSLY?” he heard Terry shout and smiled.

Yes. Seriously.

[cyanidefilledcandy]

So, gonna be talking about some sensitive stuff right now...

I am extremely and beyond frustrated right now.

So, the other day, I made a mistake a butt-dialed my sister’s phone while I was at work. (Note: I work overnight.) Later that day, I get a call back from her. I was planning on telling her I made a mistake and whatnot, but instead, a guy answers with a “Who is this?”

This is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. Do NOT call MY phone and ask me “Who is this?” Regardless of if I called first or what, you don’t have to be rude. I’ve had people mistakenly call me before. And so, I would call back like “Hey. How are you? I got a message or call from this phone. May I ask who this is.” Like, it’s not hard to not be a fucking asshole. So, I responded with “Who is this?!” And they got quiet before hanging up. 

At first, I’m wondering if her phone got stolen, so I call my mom to find out. But, before she even picks up, it dons on me that maybe it was her baby daddy, and naturally, I’m wondering why he has her phone and I immediately land on the answer. If it was indeed him, he probably thought I was some guy or something stupid, if my sister didn’t have my number saved. So, I call my mom who confirms that her phone wasn’t stolen to her knowledge. Then we call my sister and my mom hangs up. 

I asked my sister if he had her phone and at first she’s like “No. We don’t go through each other’s phones like that” because I do have her old number in my phone and never deleted it. Then she adds “I reckon...” That gives me pause. And then she informs me that her phone has been deleting numbers and contacts, etc. (which thinking about it now, I’m starting to have suspicions about...) I’m boiling, one because I hate being hung up on and two, I’m starting to see shady shit. Going through someone’s phone, especially when they are not around is WAY overstepping a boundary. And two, why the fuck would he have her phone when she’s at work alone without a car, and WORSE, I would find out...

So, my sister says she’ll check with him and I tell her to warn him to never hang up in my face again. She gives a little nervous laugh and I let her get back to work. I start to message him and tell him myself that I don’t care how he treats other women, including my sister, he’s GOING to respect me, but hold off on it. (Though, I’m still considering it.) 

Fast forward to today, I talk to my mom who asks me had I heard from her and if she was alright, which I did. She video called last night. Long story short, my mom was babysitting my niece yesterday and didn’t have any food, so she asked my sister if she could go and get the card from BD, which....

My sister tells her that he’s at the job he supposedly lost months ago (they both seem to have forgotten she already said he “lost” the job). So, my mom drives there only to be informed that he doesn’t work for them anymore (big shock). My sister then tells my mom that he works in a different department and...

ALSO, not only does he apparently have her phone and her food stamp card, but also has her BANK card, and.... I’m so pissed and over this situation.

This guy has never been any amount of good. He doesn’t work. Has a car he never lets my sister use. Doesn’t even watch his own kid (or spend time with her from what I’ve seen and heard). Used their kid to claim her on her taxes, which he didn’t tell anyone about and didn’t give my sister OR the kid a cent. And acts like he’s SUCH an important part of my sister’s life and that she would just be LOST without him. Again, he doesn’t work at all and my sister has family out the ass she can go to. My sister got her apartment. She and my family furnished her apartment completely. This guy didn’t do shit. She doesn’t NEED him at all. 

At first, I thought the dude was just a deadbeat, but now I’m starting to see he’s an abuser. Even before then, my sister wanted to move up here to make a better life for she and my niece and he whined that “she was taking his daughter from him”. Honestly, I should’ve seen the signs early on. But, now it’s so blatantly obvious and I’m just not at all here for it.

I know exactly where this is going and if she doesn’t get out now, it’s going to get to a point where she will not be able to. But, I also know that abuse victims absolutely will not leave their partners no matter how bad things get until they’re ready for it. And my sister’s smart. I know she sees what’s going on. At first, I thought she was afraid of her child growing up without her parents in the same household because she knows how my parents’ divorce affected her. Now, I’m starting to wonder if she might be afraid. She’s kicked him out twice and he’s sobbed to get her to take him back, but still... The guy is HUGE, so maybe she really is...even though my mom and her husband live less than 5 minutes away from her and my mom’s husband, even through his bullshit, does think of us, my sister especially, as his daughters and is pretty street hard, so....he’d fight for her. My mom would kill for her. My mom literally stabbed someone in the head for yelling with my sister in the room. (Note, this person was not yelling AT my sister...just with her in the room....and my mom stabbed her....in the head...) My dad and most of his siblings are ex military, he, at least, is armed and very over protective. (It took me three whole days for me to talk him down from killing the people who attacked me.) And then there’s me...

I’ve always been protective of my sister and I’m honestly at a point in my life where....I just don’t care. 

So, speaking of that....when she calls me tonight and i make sure the phone is in her hands and he’s not around, I’m just going to be frank with her. Again, I’m at a point in my life where I don’t care to tiptoe around people’s feelings. I don’t care to bullshit. I’m going to tell her straight up that this is abusive behavior and she needs to get out NOW. Because it’s only going to escalate from here and it’s going to get to a point where either she can’t escape or he’s going to kill her or my niece (which God and Satan and every other deity in the universe help him if he does). If she wants to leave and she’s scared to, all she has to do is say the word. She doesn’t have to say or pack anything. I will be down there to get her and her baby and drive them back up here. If she’s scared he’ll hurt my mom, my mom can come with us. Hell, she’s not doing anything in that shitty town anyway except for being miserable. We can go back at a later date with my dad and we’ll pack up all of their stuff and get a storage room until we can do better. 

God in Heaven knows I want to leave this fucking state, but if it comes to the point where we have to get an apartment here, then so fucking be it. And if that motherfucker even LOOKS like he wants to do something, I will light his ass up like a house during Christmas.

Again....I’m at the point now where I don’t care... I hesitated to kill the fuckers who attacked me because I didn’t want my stepmom to come home to find her daughter dead. Because I loved my stepmom more than I hated her bitch daughter (and believe me when I say that is saying a LOT, and not just because of what they did to me). Lo and behold, they’re still here today and out of jail to abuse their children for another decade. I also once had a friend tell me that, though I had the desire, I didn’t really have it in me to kill someone when my sister was seeing a pedophile. I think he was right...back then. I swear....that hesitation is not there anymore. Even right now, it’s taking everything in me not to just borrow some money from my friend, head down there now, and put several bullets in him right now. Literally everything in me. And I don’t give a fuck if my sister and niece hate me for the rest of their lives. I really, really don’t. I love them more than I hate him, true enough, but that’s exactly why I won’t hesitate to put that fucker down....because I know in the end, they’ll be better off. The world would be better off. And I know I’m not God and I have no right to make that decision, but if the alternative is my sister and niece wind up hurt or dead, then oh well. I’ll go to Hell for that...

It’s funny....I had a dream when my niece was first born that my niece got killed, he was responsible for it, and my sister was in denial about the whole thing. I chalked it to just a crazy dream, but....

But, anyway, I’m going to lay it on the table for my sister. I know she’s not going to want to hear it. She’s going to get pissed off. She’ll ignore it. She may even hate me. But, it’s going to drive me insane if I don’t at least say my piece. (And yes. I will tell her to make sure she deletes it when she’s done reading; I’m not an idiot.) But, maybe if the seed is there, and maybe if I remind her that she does indeed have options, then she’ll wisen up before it’s too late. Maybe not now....but before it’s too late. 

Sorry for the length (to anyone who actually read this until the end), but I just had to get this all out. Again, I’m so pissed and frustrated and holding back the urge to commit murder without probable cause, so I feel like I’m going to explode, and I want to just kill myself because I can’t handle the idea of my sister and niece being hurt, or the fact that my sister is smarter than this and that she likely won’t listen to what I have to say and.....I’m just tired. I’m tired of the world.

People act like it’s so hard to just be decent fucking people and then the ones who refuse to listen to reason and keep themselves in a shitty situation, and I’m just tired of caring about people more than they care about themselves. And I’m tired of caring about everything so deeply and being powerless to do anything about anything and I just have no idea what to do with these pent up feelings right now, other than violence (either against someone else or against myself). I’ve tried drawing, but that didn’t help. Maybe this blog will at least calm me down to the point where I don’t feel so impulsively and manically violent, though....