#this is a HEAVY one

[thatonebutchneighbordad]

My mom’s death date is in 8 days. I am. Going to get through it but i’m just. Whew. Yeah. I miss her a lot. Probably another reason why i’m not doing the best rn. But i will get through it and be gentle with myself about it.

In 2024 i’m going to start treating myself better. It’s what my mom would have wanted. It’s what I want too.

[androgynealienfemme]

"I'm remembering the busts in the bars in Canada. Packed in the police vans, all the Saturday-night butches giggled and tried to fluff p their hair and switch clothing so they could get thrown in the tank with the feminine women- said it would be like "dyin' and going' to heaven."

We never switched clothing. Neither did our drag queen sisters. We knew, and so did you, what was coming. We needed our sleeves rolled up, our hair sliked back, to live through it. Our hands were cuffed tight behind our backs. Yours were cuffed in front. You loosened my tie, unbuttoned my collar, and touched my face. I saw the pain and fear for me in your face, and I whispered it would be all right. We knew it wouldn't be.

I never told you what they did to us down there - queens in one tank, stone butches in the next- but you knew. One at a time they would drag our brothers out of the cells, slapping and punching them locking the bars behind them fast in case we lost control and tried to stop them- as if we could.

They'd handcuff a brother's wrists to his ankles or chain him, face against the bars. They made us watch.

Sometimes we'd catch the eyes of the terrorized victim, or the soon-to-be, caught in the vise of torture, and we'd say gently, "I'm with you, honey, look at me, stay with me, we'll take you home."

We never cried in front of the cops. We knew we were next.

The next time the cell door opens it will be me they drag out and chain spread eagled to the bars.

Did I survive? I guess I did. But only because I knew I might get home to you.

They let us out, one at a time on Monday morning. No charges. Too late to call in sick to work, no money, hitchhiking, crossing the border on foot, in rumpled clothes, bloody, needing a shower, hurt, scared.

I knew you'd be home if I could get there.

You ran a bath for me with sweet-smelling bubbles. You always laid out a fresh pair fo white BVDs and a t-shirt for me and left me alone to wash off the first layer of shame.

I remember it was always the same. I would put on the briefs, and then I'd just get the t-shirt over my head and you would find some reason to come into the bathroom, to get something or put something away. In a glance you would memorize the wounds on my body like a road map- the gashes, bruises, cigarette burns.

Later, in bed, you held me gently, touching me everywhere, the tenderest touches reserved for the places I was hurt, knowing each and every sore place- inside and out.

You didn't flirt with me right away, knowing I wasn't feeling confident enough to be sexy. But later you coaxed my pride back out again, showing me how much you wanted me. You knew melting the stone again would take you weeks."

-”Letter to a fifties femme from a stone butch" Leslie Feinberg, The Persistent Desire, (Edited by Joan Nestle) (1992)

[kintsvgikid]

AO3 LINK

chapter 4 is up! (9.4k words) ♡

epilogue will be posted on May 30!

[musings-of-a-magpie]

MOONSTONE

prey on my downfall like a starving beast

you kick me while I'm down and tell me it's my fault for being underfoot

when it's a one way street and I'm too small to see

teeth on my throat, row after row after row of pointed bone sinking into my skin

i'd scream if it would make you let up

but every strangled whimper and groan strains its way out of my mouth and shoots its intoxicating graze down your spine

and oh, you've made me bleed

that's fine, of course it is

why on earth would i deny you a sweet metallic tang on your sweet melodic tongue?

salt on my cheeks and a grin on your face

you never ask, you only fucking take

i'm dizzy and lightheaded, a scattering of stars in my eyes

millions of miles away from me

distant lights i know are already dead

with the way you're ripping my skin apart, i wouldn't be surprised if i joined them

i can't feel my legs anymore

that's probably for the best, i mean

if i could, there's no doubt i'd be screaming

neither of us want that

i'd prefer you let me keep my tongue, so i'll keep my ugly little mouth nice and shut

just the way it was meant to be

distant lights i know are already dead

in such beautiful colors

red and yellow and blue and

white.

there's a white light now

it's so much larger than all of the rest and it doesn't burn like they do

you'd be so angry if it took me away from you

but this isn't a tunnel, it's a pit

plummeting down and i can't control my fall

there's blood rushing to my head and out of my body

and the stars are brighter

and brighter

and brighter

and they're gone

stars and moonstone and blood

and quiet

[davnittbraes]

How I feel now that I’ve finished editing the next chapter of The World Is Light, Embodied

[reineydraws]

jason is a grandpa's boy and u cant take this away from me!!! they cook together, they discuss literature together, and when jay comes back, they clean their guns together haha. ofc they celebrate their birthday together too! 😌

✨️🎂 hbd jay & alfie 🎂✨️

[severalowls]

Its absolutely no coincidence that the people being sent baseless sexual assault accusations against predstrogen have, from what I've seen, been young transmascs.

The terfs behind the harassment campaign are so brazenly trying to prey on anybody they reckon might have any transmisogynist tendencies and are trying to use that to sow discord in the trans community. They see transmasculine people as potential avenues for recruitment (and eventual detransition) and it's extremely fucking important that the people being sent these anons do not fall headfirst for the bait. They want you to go 'uh oh, guess trans women are sex pests after all' and that to stick with you and fester, and turn that seed of prejudice into the continued harm of transfem people.

If you want to be a meaningful ally to transfem people right now you have to be vigilant for this shit, and correct it where you see it. If you think being used as an angle of recruitment by bigoted harassment is gross, imagine how it would feel to be the damn focus of the harassment.

[artwins]

the search goes on

[hunnam]

[vacueye]

looking through old tf2 stuff again + felt like reuploading some of my favorite (mostly spy) art throughout the years

[magic-worms]

(old art) jul-aug 2023, assorted tf2 comic strips with varying degrees of funny

[669ratz]

frankly think a lot of glados android designs are kinda bland so I present to u whatever the fuck this is

(edit: yes i know its not an android technically. u can now stop saying this.)

[parisoonic]

pals drinking together (hand practice that got out of control)

[bluegiragi]

debrief.

early access + nsfw on patreon

[egophiliac]

this is basically what happened, right?

(these guys are very lucky that everyone at NRC 1) has the combined intelligence of a sack of bricks, and 2) is easily distracted by shiny things.)

[iaminsideyourwalls]

food for all you scout haters out there in the audience tonight i guess?