#this is a brand new blog don't hurt me

[shoyudon]

𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐏 .ᐟ

starring. gojo satoru x fem! reader

heads up. gojo being clingy + sick

note. starting off brand new and fresh, whew. anyways, first post on the blog, yay! i've seen on tiktok that people commented that boys get 100x more dramatic when they get sick, so here's gojo being sick.

gojo is childish. there was no denying that — but sick gojo? times two, or maybe times three? deemed as the strongest sorcerer, he's had his fair share of getting injured, hurt, or even life threatening injuries. and he still ends up staying strong for the sake of everyone.

yet, here he was, all bundled and tucked in. a wet and cold teal colored towel sleeping on his forehead as he sniffled loudly, "satoru, how many times do i have to tell you to let it out? don't sniffle it — you'll hurt your head."

"baby," he whines out hoarsely, "i can't. your boyfriend is dying. i don't think i can do this any longer."

you rolled your eyes, a huff escaping your throat, "satoru, you're being dramatic aga—" before you could finish your statement, gojo grabbed your hand, squeezing it.

"i'm dying, i love you — i'm going to miss you."

this prompted you to crack a small smile, raising a brow as you squeezed his hand back slightly, "you're not dying, it's just a fever! you've gotten worse wounds, 'toru."

gojo cried out softly, phlegm coughed out of his throat, leaving him whining and squirming uncomfortably on the bed. he shrugs off the towel that has now gone warm because of his temperature, "i need love and affection, please cuddle me."

"no, what you need is sleep and rest."

"cuddle me to sleep, i can't sleep without your cuddles and you know it," he childishly tantrums, slamming his fist to the mattress weakly, "please? or i'm going to hold my breath, no joke, baby."

scoffing, you replied, "have you tried counting sheep?" it was meant to be sarcastic.

a strained whine yet again came from him, "baby, do you not love me anymore? counting sheep is a myth, it doesn't work. only your cuddles do," he opened his arms widely, waiting for you to fall into them.

"you're sick. i could get sick," you flick his forehead, "that's why — rest and then get better, you can get the cuddles after you recover."

gojo gasps out dramatically, "the least you could do is give me a smooch on the forehead, that'll make me feel a bit better, i guarantee," he serenades.

despite how dramatic he is, you still gave in to his words. with a light laugh, you leaned in; pressing your lips onto his warm forehead — and then to the tip of his nose, "there, two kisses. feel better soon, yeah?"

he sighs out in content, "this is so much better than counting sheep. can i have another one, on my lips?"

"go to sleep."

gojo narrows his eyes, "whatever happened to i love you?" he positioned himself so that his back was facing you instead, "i knew it, you don't love me anymore."

you grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back to face you — brushing his white locks back with your fingers, you smiled down at him, "i love you, satoru. get well soon, baby."

he beams out happily, leaning into your touch like a happy puppy, "i love you most!"

© shoyudon 2024 . no copies or reposting allowed !

[missmonsters2]

Your Touch is My Shelter

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: 6 months later, Natasha returns from the dead. It's a tightly kept secret as it's unknown how she returned, but everyone claws and fights about who will keep watch over her like savages. You're far down the list of people who should protect her, but you find yourself unable to leave her be.

Warnings/Tags: hurt/comfort. undisclosed trauma. physical and mental signs of trauma. angst. somber assisted bath time. sad hair braiding. emphasis on hurt AND comfort.

Note: This takes place after endgame :-) the dates might be inaccurate idk i did my best 🥲 ha-ha enjoy 👁️👁️

Masterlist || Library Blog || AO3

Reminder there's no taglist but you can follow my library blog for notifications 💘

Count: 5.2k

Please do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere else.

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You heard the news through Bruce. 

Well, it was through Bruce telling Pepper, and you just happened to be at the coffee machine getting shitty coffee. The quality drastically dropped since Tony was gone, and you've been putting off telling Pepper she needed to literally buy anything else. 

You didn't really know how long was the appropriate time for someone to grieve before you could ask if they could buy another brand of coffee.

Tony was gone. 

A part of you thinks you keep putting off telling Pepper because then you'd have to face—really face—he was gone. 

Steve was gone. 

What did it matter, really, in the grand scheme of things? Coffee was just coffee, and it'd probably taste fine if you just put a shitload of sugar and creamer in it. 

Vision was gone. 

Honestly, you only really noticed because it was the same brand as whatever was stocked up at the Avengers Compound. 

Natasha was gone. 

But perhaps the coffee always tasted bad at the Compound and it had nothing to do with Tony being gone. Natasha used to bring coffee into the office most days for people, and Clint filled in the other days. 

Maybe Tony Stark just liked shitty coffee, and you were only now just noticing it. 

Natasha was back. 

Your hand faltered at the coffee machine, spilling a little of it on your hand, and the burn stung immediately.

"Are you okay?" Bruce asked as he noticed you inhale a sharp breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine." You smiled awkwardly at him before looking at Pepper. "Morgan's fine. She just has the flu and her fever's gone down. Make sure she gets plenty of rest and fluids. I'm going to set up a humidifier for her and help her settle into bed with a movie and wait for her to fall asleep before I head out."

Pepper let out a heavy breath, putting her hand over her chest in relief. "Oh, perfect. Thank you so much for coming suddenly. I just—Morgan doesn't really like going to the hospital, and suddenly she started throwing up and having a fever—"

"It's fine, Pepper," you waved off her ramblings after you wiped what you spilled on the counter. "You can always call me if you need me."

"Seriously, I think I might just employ you full-time as a live-in doctor if you say that," Pepper joked, and you laughed. 

"I am already your live-in doctor, just for one of your research labs. instead."

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You don't think about Natasha—at least, you try not to. 

You heard things here and there about it through Pepper. Apparently, she's being held in a government facility similar to The Raft, detained like some criminal they needed to study instead of the war hero who sacrificed everything to save the world. 

It made you sick to your stomach. 

But you hear that Clint, Bruce, and Nick Fury have been fighting to get custody of her, so you don't think about it. There were people who knew Natasha far better than you did and were way closer to her than you were. 

She was in good hands. 

So, you continue on with your daily routine to pass your monotonous days, unaware you're waiting for some kind of update.

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The next time you heard about Natasha Romanoff, it was Clint and Bruce cornering you at your lab.

"What?" You panicked, tensing up. "Why me?"

"You're the only person Natasha ever sought out to treat her," Clint answered, and you felt even more lost at the fact he knew. "Natasha allows medical professionals onsite to help her, but there were times she left to go see you. That has to mean something."

But, of course, he knew. He was Natasha's...best friend. And Clint was an incredibly nosy person, even if Natasha didn't tell him. 

"I've only treated her a handful of times—literally only five times. I don't know her that well," you shook your head, trying to walk around them. "I didn't even know she had a sister until you told me."

"Please," Clint begged. "I'm fighting to get her out, and the doctors they have looking after her are shady and callous with her. I can only visit her with Nick's influence, but it's not enough to get her out of there."

"And what do you suppose I can do?"

"You're a renowned cellular biologist," Bruce cut in. "If they're holding her for research, we want someone on our side who will at least treat her like a human being. The faster we get answers, the faster we can get her out."

"Please," Clint begged again. "Natasha needs help. She's...different. And it's only going to get worse if she remains in there. She's not talking, and they won't let her go until they can find some answers."

It felt wrong. 

You don't want to study Natasha Romanoff like an animal. Despite being a scientist with an inquisitive mind, you don't care about how she returned.

But it sounded like Natasha would be researched whether you liked it or not. And if that was the case, you do wonder how the other doctors may be treating her.

"Fine, we're going first thing in the morning," you gritted out, unable to block out the handful of memories of times you've treated her.

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June 2012

"Oo, that looks painful," you hissed in sympathy as a redhead with a busted lip and nasty gash on her temple entered the med bay.

There was a snort that sounded like a half-grunt. "It looks worse than it feels. I hope I'm not intruding, but Tony said I should see you to be treated."

"Natasha, right?" You asked slowly, gesturing to a seat for her to take as you grabbed some medical supplies. 

"Yes," Natasha replied, equally slow with caution.

"Tony talks about you a lot," you tried to reassure her of whatever paranoia she might have. It probably didn't help that Natasha was still in her catsuit and probably would've preferred to be called by her alias.

"Well, don't believe everything he says," Natasha gives a light but somewhat tight smile. 

"Oh, so you aren't a unique woman with high intellect, sneaky, and rightfully smug?" You teased, and it was flattering that you could make a superhero laugh. 

You began treating Natasha's wound carefully. 

"You're pretty good at this, doc," Natasha commented as you blew on her brow, even if it didn't sting. "You're pretty gentle. Must be why Tony says you're his personal doctor."

You chuckled. "I'm actually a cellular biologist. Tony is funding my research and pretty much my lifestyle. With the money he's paying me, he can come crying about his boo-boos anytime. Although, he doesn't really come to me for serious stuff. It's usually if he has something ridiculous like a papercut."

"But you can treat wounds and other medical things?" 

"I was on my way to becoming a medical doctor before I decided to go into research instead."

"Huh," Natasha hummed, raising her brow at you. "Smart cookie."

"I'd like to think so," you finished cleaning Natasha's wound and putting a bandaid over it. "Feel free to come see me if you need any other basic medical aid. For a pretty redhead, it's free of charge."

"And if I come back blonde?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," you smiled, and Natasha smirked back at you.

"Smart and funny. Tony has it too good."

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April 2014

"This is the worst bandage job I've ever seen. Who did you go to see for this? A grocery clerk?"

Natasha grunted. "Hi, to you too, doc."

You looked at Natasha, noticing how different her hair is now. But it's been about two years since you have seen her. Despite your offer for her to come to you anytime she needed help, she never did. Or she rarely did, you supposed. 

You could only deduce that Natasha was used to caring for her wounds on her own. That, or she didn't trust you. 

"Alright, let's go to my office," you sighed. 

"Am I interrupting?"

"Not really, kind of hit a brick wall."

"Oh, me too."

You looked over at Natasha, who had a straight face, but you noticed the bruise on her temple outside the obvious gun wound on her shoulder.

You pursed your lips. "Will you hate me if I laugh?"

"Not at all. On the contrary, I may like you less if you don't."

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June 2015

"You know, when I told you that you could come for me for basic medical aid, I feel like you didn't understand the meaning of basic."

"Is this too complicated for you?"

"No."

"Then am I unwelcomed?"

You pursed your lips at the redhead, who stared at you with a tiny upward quirk on her lip. "No," you sighed. "Just not sure why you'd want to see me for such serious wounds. There are other more experienced doctors."

You lift Natasha's shirt up, looking at the long gash on the side of her stomach. "We're gonna need to stitch this up. I've been doing research with Dr. Cho, and we have a new machine that can help with cell tissue generation. It would be faster than me manually stitching—"

"It's fine," Natasha declined. "I'd prefer if you manually did it."

You frown lightly at the fact but relent to the redhead's wishes. Another year passes, and Natasha's hair has changed again. 

You worked silently on cleaning Natasha's wound, and she also declined the anesthetic. You focus on stitching up the wound with precision and care.

"I like to go to you for some things because your touch is gentle," Natasha said quietly, but it felt so loud in the silent room. "It makes me feel human when I can feel your touch."

You looked over at her face briefly, but Natasha wasn't looking at you. You don't take any deeper meaning into it. She's someone who's probably felt dehumanized most of her life. The machines that can heal her twice as fast would be fine for life-threatening injuries, but it probably all feels clinical. 

You looked back down at the stitch. "Well, as long as you're a redhead, it's free of charge."

"Don't kid yourself, I would look perfect blonde."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that."

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September 2016

"What are you doing here?" You hissed as you pulled Natasha in quickly, peering outside before shutting the door. 

"Why? Am I unwelcomed now?" Natasha's tone sounded a little hurt, and you scan her body. She didn't seem to be bleeding anywhere that required immediate attention, but you did notice crusted blood at the edge of her nostrils. 

"No, but you could get caught here," you shook your head at her. "They're looking for you and the rest of team cap everywhere."

Natasha shrugged. "I highly doubt Tony has your place under surveillance. We don't meet enough for anyone to consider looking for me through you."

You sighed, not sure what to feel about the statement. "I suppose. I don't work for Tony anymore, anyway."

Natasha's brows furrowed.

"Why?"

"I don't agree with what he's doing."

"So you're on Steve's side?"

"No, I think Steve was obstinate too. They're both stupid. Men are stupid."

Natasha laughed before wincing as she held her nose.

"What happened?" You brought her over to your couch before finding your first aid kit.

"I broke my nose," Natasha shrugged. "Can you believe breaking my nose saved millions of girls?"

"With you? Yes." You smirked as you tilted her head to look at the injury closer. "Lucky you. Looks like you don't need surgery. Do you always come here immediately after you save the world?"

"Yep."

"Couldn't even clean your nose before you did?"

"And deprive you of giving me care? I wouldn't dare."

You snorted, carefully cleaning the blood in and around her nose. It was silent again before Natasha spoke up.

"So, what happened with your research stuff now that Tony's not sponsoring your work?"

"Pepper is funding it, even though she knows I won't share anything with Stark Industries at the moment. She doesn't want me to sell my research or provide any data to other companies."

"Smart cookie."

"And a really hot blonde."

"This feels targeted. It's like you know I might dye my hair blonde soon."

"You're still a redhead; I have no idea what you mean. I like your hair, though. Braids look good on you."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

June 2018

Natasha showed up at your front step, holding her rib. There's a look of genuine relief at seeing you.

"You're still here," her voice sounds empty and hollow. "You're still here."

You pulled her inside gently. You're still in shock yourself. You were on a walk when people started disappearing left and right. The sheer panic on the streets was chaos as you were dialing Pepper frantically, almost crying when she picked up the phone. Then there were actual tears when you called other people in your life, and half of them didn't pick up...and they weren't going to. 

"I'm here," you swallowed. "What happened to your rib?"

"I don't know." Natasha looked so lost. There was the look of failure and self-blame all over her face. 

"Does it hurt?"

"I don't know."

You grasp her wrist, carefully moving her hand away from her rib before gently putting your fingertips against them. Your fingers trail up, down, and around. 

Suddenly, Natasha broke into tears. 

"Does it hurt?" You asked, panicked.

"You're still here," was all Natasha choked through her tears.

You didn't know what to do other than treat her wounds more gently than ever before while reassuring her you hadn't disappeared. You were one of the many people on this planet still here. And when she was better, she'd get the rest of them back. 

It was a long and exhausting night, and Natasha fell asleep in your bed, and you made sure she was comfortable before leaving to sleep on the couch.

Natasha's hair has changed again.

"You look good blonde."

That was the last time you saw her. 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Natasha's hair has changed again. She's gone back to being a redhead with blonde tips. Her hair was a mess, barely brushed, and looked knotted. 

The room was big and had padded walls, a singular bed in one corner, and a toilet and sink in another. There were lights in parts of the cell but also areas of darkness. It looked like a fucking prison cell. 

You were looking through an unbreakable glass window, the middle holding up a microphone you assumed was linked to the speaker in the room.

Natasha stood in the middle of the room under the light in a hospital gown falling off her shoulder. Her hands were covered in scars, and her lips were so chapped, you were sure they'd split even if Natasha breathed the wrong way. 

Natasha was only a few feet away from you, but it felt like she was a million miles away.

They let you see her alone under the guise of privacy as you saw her.

You felt you weren't supposed to see this—see her like this. 

A sense of dread filled you at the blank expression on Natasha's face at what she'd gone through—what she was still going through. 

She was a hero, and this was how they were treating her? This was someone who had fought wars repeatedly for this stupid country and the rest of the world, and they had her locked up like a mental ward patient from the 1600s.

You thought the government had gotten better. There were reforms and peace after people came back from the snap. This wasn't how they were supposed to treat someone who'd given up their life to ensure everyone got theirs. 

It shouldn't matter that she came back; she had still given it up in the first place for them. 

Natasha didn't even seem to recognize you through the glass as you stepped closer to the microphone. She looked past you as if she could tell the exit was somewhere behind you. 

"Natasha?" You said into the mic, and it bellowed into the room.

Nothing. 

"Nat?" 

Natasha's eyes were listless. She was a broken, empty shell that seemed more like an animated corpse than actually being alive.

You swallowed, trying one more time. "You're still a redhead. Looks like it's still free of charge."

Natasha's eyes flickered this time, her head tilts towards you as she blinked with focus. It was just a spark, but it was something, and relief spreads through you. 

"Not completely." You could barely hear her voice, but it was coarse. Cold.

There should've been a joke about some kind of discount, but Natasha didn't make it. You were speechless.

You didn't know what to say. Don't worry, you're trapped in here, but I'm going to help with the research, and hopefully, we'll get you out soon?

It was like prolonging a death sentence. You were horrified.

"Just—wait for me," the words flew out of your mouth so fast but you meant them with every ounce of your being. "You're gonna go home with me today."

Natasha's eyes sparked at the words but just as quick as you saw it, they died out, falling back into listlessness. She turned, stepping into a darkened corner away from your view and prying eyes of the cameras as she said, "No, I'm not."

You realized she's probably spent weeks watching Clint, Bruce, and Fury try to get her out unsuccessfully.

The resignation made something lurch in your throat and eyes sting with desperation and rage. 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

"So, we can send you a contract—"

"You're going to release her to my custody," you cut off some government official. He was old, wearing some kind of toupee that was slicked back to hide his balding head. 

He looked at you in disbelief, almost laughing like you were some stupid, naive young girl. 

He looks at Clint and Bruce, who are also just looking at you in shock.

"As I've told your friends and Nick Fury, this is out of their hands. The Accords are still intact as of right now, therefore—"

"I don't care about the Accords. You will release her into my care. I'm more than qualified and I have the resources to find the inane answers you're looking for while rehabilitating Agent Romanoff," you cut him off again, able to tell that it was irking him. 

"That won't be necessary as you can see we have the resources here," the government official raised his brow at you.

"Your resources can't compete with Stark's resources."

It was no secret that Tony had left a very sizable fortune to you in his will, outside of everything he gave to Pepper and Morgan. And it was also no secret how close you were with the surviving Starks. 

"Doctor," the government official sighed, obviously making it sound like you were a nuisance. "If you're not here to join our research team, I suggest you go on your way and remember the NDA you signed."

You glared at him even more. "I'm not leaving without Agent Romanoff. You will hand her over to me, or you will regret it."

"And exactly how will I regret it?" The government official looked smug, and you smirked back at him.

"I'm still in talks with the government regarding my research, and I will pull out and sell that information outside of this country as I'm free to do so. I know Dr. Cho is in talks between the US and South Korea about her nano-technology. One word from me, and America can fall behind on those advancements as well." You pulled out your cell phone in a threatening manner. "Pepper and I will pull out all of our money from the very same banks and company investments that you're supporting and make you watch as they collapse one after another."

"You'd ruin our entire economy—our country by doing so!" The official was red in the face. "You'd put your entire country into chaos?" He sneered at you.

"I will if you don't give me Agent Romanoff!" You sneered back at him. "It's not like you won't eventually get your research and answers if she's in my custody. It works in both our favor."

The official is staring at you, glaring and seething.

"I imagine your colleagues and superiors will pin the blame on you if this entire economy and country goes into ruin because if I have to do that, I will say that it's the government's fault. The NDA said I can't specifically talk about Natasha and this place, which I won't. But I'm sure some journalist will discover the truth and plaster all over the news what you're doing to a war hero," your voice was so vindictive; you're not sure if you've ever been so cold before. 

"So," your voice was flat, devoid of emotion now. "What will it be?"

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It was agreed that Natasha would stay in a cabin that Pepper owned out in the countryside. You were to provide monthly updates on your research and rehabilitation progress. And while this was in headway, neither you nor Natasha was free to leave the country or this planet. 

Clint initially wanted you and Natasha to stay with him and his family, but you declined. You pointed out that it would be hard for him and his family—his children, especially—to see Natasha like this. 

Pepper had everything prepared while you gingerly collected Natasha.

"We're going home, Natasha," you said softly, shrugging off your jacket to wrap around her shoulders. But Natasha still didn't react, even if she let you take her hand and drag her out of the facility. 

During the car ride, you mentally planned what you needed to do. Natasha needed to eat, take a bath, and rest. 

"Have you eaten yet?" You asked the redhead, sitting stoically in the car, straight as a rod. 

There was no answer. Natasha was peering out the windshield, her hands perfectly on both thighs. Clint looked worried as he looked at you.

"Natasha?" You gently placed her hand over hers. You could feel the bumps of the white scars over her hand. A part of you is too frightened to ask where she got these from. 

Natasha looked down at your hand over hers before looking at you. Her eyes were so empty. Such a dull green like dying grass.

"Did you eat?" 

Natasha nodded once before looking back outside the windshield. 

You looked at Clint, trying to give him a reassuring smile, but deep down, you were afraid you had no idea what the fuck you were doing. 

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"Pepper says you've been here before, but let me know if you need help finding anything," you brought her into the house where Natasha just stood, looking at nothing in particular. 

"Um," you took a shaky breath. "How about a bath? I'm sure it'll be good to get the grime and stale air off of you." 

Natasha didn't move on her own, so you began to lead her up the stairs to the bathroom. 

It was a detached tub near the high window to get plenty of sunlight without anyone being able to peer in. 

"I'll just get this started for you," you offered. Turning on the tap and pouring in a liquid that formed into bubbles. "Just make sure to check the temperature and adjust. Pepper says that sometimes that faucet can be a little finicky."

You turned to Natasha, who stood there, staring at the wall. She was unmoving, making no gesture if she was waiting for you to get out or to start undressing.

"Do you, um, need help?" You asked, but there was no answer. 

Maybe it would wake her up a little once she was in the water. 

"I'm—" you took a long breath in. "I'm gonna help you undress and get into the tub. If you get uncomfortable at any point, let me know and I can stop or do something else."

It wasn't like you've never seen a naked body before. You've seen plenty both in your sex life and field of work. You've even seen parts of Natasha's body when you've treated her. You just never thought you'd see Natasha fully naked. 

You slid your jacket off her shoulders, letting out a puff of breath. You looked past her as you undid the string of her hospital gown. You looked up when you slid down her underwear before guiding her towards the tub. Your gentle guiding seemed to spark Natasha into mechanically climbing into it herself the rest of the way. 

"Okay, cool. Um," you stuttered. "I'm sure you've been through a lot. Once you're done, we can get you into bed and if you're hungry later, I can make you something."

You were getting used to the lack of answers, but it didn't make your stomach drop any less. "Just let me know if you need anything."

You don't wait for a response this time, leaving without shutting the door fully. Down the hall, you leaned against the wall, swallowing harshly. 

It feels like you brought a lifeless shell home. A part of you wonders if Natasha really did return or if this was just some lifeless doll. 

You didn't want to think about it anymore, so you pushed yourself off the wall and into a bedroom with a suitcase and unzipped it open to grab some clothes.

When you were heading back, you heard the water still running and frowned. 

"Natasha?" You called as you opened the door. The tub was overfilling, and you rushed to turn off the faucet, trying to not slip.

Natasha was sitting how you left her, staring ahead at the running water but not really looking at it.

You sighed, relieved that the bathroom floor was designed with wood and curved so that any water would naturally run towards a drain in the floor. 

You go to check the temperature of the water and find that while it was initially fine when you turned it on, Natasha hadn't attempted to adjust it, and the finicky faucet ran nearly scalding water. 

"Jesus, Natasha, you're going to hurt yourself," you yelped. You braced through it and stuck your hand in to drain the tub halfway.

You inwardly sighed, knowing you would have to help Natasha through the entire process. You began to refill the tub, monitoring the temperature and shut it off when it was filled adequately. 

"I'm going to help wash you if that's okay," you muttered. "Just let me know if you prefer to do it yourself at any point."

You grabbed a nearby stool and sat on it before grabbing the loofa. You began with Natasha's shoulders and arms, trying to wash parts of her that were easy to access.

Natasha tensed as you washed her, so you tried to be more slow and careful. 

"It's just me," you said softly, trying to reassure the redhead. "I've always taken care of you."

Natasha said nothing, but her shoulders relaxed slightly as you continued. There wasn't much dirt on her, but the stale air that was surrounding her began to fade away. 

Her knees were propped up, folded to her chest, and you washed down her thighs and legs, trying to not think of anything too much as you did it. You tried not to think about the scars on her hands and feet. 

Readjusting your stool, you went to sit behind her. You used a cup to wet Natasha's hair, trying to detangle some of it gently first. It was then you discovered a shaven spot in the back of her head, where there was a large scar. You realized that was where Natasha's head hit the ground when she—

You swallowed, trying to suppress the anger that they shaved her head to get a look at something so private. 

You squeezed a considerable amount of shampoo in your hands and gently rubbed it into her scalp. Natasha tensed at first before your fingers massaging her scalp made her relax, her body leaning back against the tub and her head into your hands. 

It was quiet as you did this. You shampooed her hair twice before slathering it up in conditioner and finally getting out the rest of the knots. You drained the tub, grabbing the shower head to rinse her down once more before you grabbed a towel and helped her out. 

You helped put a bathrobe around her to help dry her as you didn't think you had the gall to fully dry every part of her by hand. Grabbing her clothes, you led her to her bedroom, setting her down on the bed. 

Natasha sat silently as you towel-dried her hair with gentle hands. Her eyes fell closed as you began to blow dry it. Your soft fingers tousling her hair. 

So delicate. 

When it was dry, you set the blow dryer aside. 

"Hm, your hair is pretty sensitive and might be for the next week. It might be better to braid it so it doesn't tangle and break when you're sleeping," you commented, mostly to yourself. 

You took sections of her hair, delicately beginning to put her hair into a french braid. 

"You've always had beautiful hair, red or blonde," you complimented Natasha as you finished. You moved to sit in front of her to check if you did okay from the front. There wasn't a response, but Natasha opened her eyes. They focused on you, looking at you as they traced over the features of your face. She was studying you apprehensively. 

Natasha lifted a hand, slowly reaching up as her fingers brushed the side of your face. It felt bumpy from the scars, but it made the back of your throat burn. 

"Am I really here?" Natasha mumbled as she then traced your cheek before your lips. "Am I really here with you?"

Your eyes were burning now. You couldn't even answer right away because you were afraid your lips would start trembling. 

You lifted your hand, hesitating at first, before you held her hand against your face. "Yeah, you're really here."

The edges of Natasha's eyes began to brim with tears. 

"When I jumped, I didn't die right away," Natasha whispered. "There was a feeling that something bad was going to happen. It didn't get me yet, but it was going to."

You couldn't help the tears that began to fall over the edge of your eyes when they overfilled. 

"Something bad happened to me," Natasha's lip trembled. "It's still happening to me."

You gripped her hand tighter unintentionally, but it was like it grounded Natasha. 

"I was scared," Natasha admitted. "I was scared that even if you came to me, it wouldn't go away."

Then, Natasha grabbed your hand and placed it against her cheek. It was still warm from the bath and blow dryer. 

"But I can feel your touch," Natasha sighed like it was a relief. "It's gentle and I feel human. I'm scared I'm not really here."

"You are."

Your throat felt clogged with raw emotions, and you didn't know what to do with it. You've only seen Natasha a handful of times, and maybe it's because the more you do, the more emotionally charged you both feel. 

"You're really here," you told Natasha, using your thumb to caress her cheek. You didn't know what else to say. 

All you can do is offer her shelter under your touch.

[taytjiefourie]

Show don't tell: Envy

Hey there, it's great to be back! It's been a while, but I'm excited to announce that I've got a brand new 'Show Don't Tell' blog post for you today. If you're looking to improve your creative writing skills and learn how to convey emotions and experiences in a more powerful way, then this post is for you. So let's dive right in!

Today we're diving into the fascinating world of envy and how to write it effectively in your creative writing. Envy is a complex emotion that can be tricky to capture in words, but don't worry, I've got you covered! And the best part is, this is just the beginning - I'll be covering other emotions too, so stay tuned for more writing tips and tricks coming your way.

First let's start off with a question: What is envy?

Envy is a tricky emotion that arises when we feel discontent or resentment towards someone else's success, qualities, or possessions. You may have experienced envy when you see someone who has something you really want but can't have. It can show up in many different ways, like feeling bitter or jealous towards that person, or even talking behind their back. Dealing with envy can be tough for everyone involved. But in creative writing, envy can be used to create interesting characters, develop a compelling plot, and explore themes like power, status, and ambition.

Now let's explore one of the most effective ways to portray envy in your characters - body language! By combining physical cues with sensory details, dialogue, actions, and setting, you can create a powerful depiction of this complex emotion. To help you get started, I've compiled a list of some of the most common signs of envy that you can incorporate into your writing.

Narrowing eyes

Glowering

Clenching fists

Grinding teeth

Tightening jaw

Gritting teeth

Curling lips

Sneering

Forced smile

Sarcastic laugh

Crossing arms

Legs defensively

Squinting eyes

Furrowing eyebrows

Turning away

Avoiding eye contact

Biting lip or Inner cheek

Looking down

Shifting gaze

Tensing muscles

Body posture

Fidgeting

Restless movements

Rolling eyes

Making snide comments

Slouching

Hunching shoulders

Breathing heavily

Hyperventilating

Swallowing hard

Gulping

Sweating

Clammy skin

Paling complexion

Blushing

Stiffening

Freezing in place

Trembling

Shaking

Sighing

Heavy exhalation

Scratching

Rubbing hands together

Tugging at clothing or jewelry

Blinking rapidly

Fluttering eyelashes

Holding breath

Exhaling sharply

Curling toes

Gripping surface with toes

Rubbing or scratching face

Rapidly tapping foot or fingers

Raising eyebrows

widening eyes

It's important to remember that some of these physical cues may not make sense on their own, but when you combine them with other cues, thoughts, and actions, you can create a powerful portrayal of envy. Keep in mind that envy is often accompanied by other negative emotions like anger, frustration, bitterness, and even resentment. Depending on your character's personality, shame may also play a role in their experience of envy. If shame is combined with envy instead of anger, then sadness or hurt may be more appropriate emotional responses. The key is to experiment and find what works best for your character and the story you're trying to tell.

Let me give you some examples of different characters and how they might show envy through their body language. First, let's take a proud and self-assured character. They wouldn't show their envy by hunching their shoulders or biting their lips. Instead, they might try to mask their feelings by exhaling deeply or swallowing their bitterness. They might use snide comments and sarcastic laughter to bring down the person they're envious of.

On the other hand, a nervous and shy character might be more on the timid side. They may feel ashamed of their envy and try to hide it by biting their lips, looking away, and hunching in on themselves. They may avoid eye contact and stare at the floor or wall.

Finally, a jittery and anxious character may be more obvious in showing their envy. They may tug at their clothes, tap their feet or fingers, and hyperventilate as they obsess over their feelings of envy. They may constantly look around to distract themselves, and even glare at the person they're envious of.

Remember, these are just examples and each character will show their envy in their own unique way. So, don't be afraid to experiment and find what works best for your characters.

Another way to convey envy is through sensory details, which can include what your character sees, hears, and physically feels. While this method may not be as detailed as using body language, it can still be effective, especially when combined with actions and dialogue.

The character's heart rate increases, causing their pulse to throb in their ears

Their throat tightens, making it difficult to swallow

Their mouth feels dry or bitter, as if they've just tasted something unpleasant

The character's skin flushes or grows hot with anger or jealousy

They may feel a knot in their stomach, or a feeling of queasiness

Their hands may feel clammy or sweaty with nervousness

They might feel a lump in their throat or a burning sensation in their chest

Their vision may become hazy or blurred, or their eyes might dart around the room

The character may experience a ringing in their ears, or a feeling of being trapped or suffocated

They may experience a sense of frustration or hopelessness, like they'll never be able to achieve what the other person has

The character may feel a sense of inadequacy, like they're not good enough or worthy of the success or possessions of others

They might feel a strong desire to possess what the other person has, like a physical ache or hunger

Their breathing might become shallow or rapid, as if they're struggling to catch their breath

The character may experience a tightening in their chest or a lump in their throat, as if they're on the verge of tears

They may feel a sense of rage or bitterness, like they've been cheated or wronged in some way.

Let's talk about actions - these are the little things your character can do to subtly hint at their envy. Depending on the genre of your story, you'll need to make sure these actions fit the setting. For example, if you're writing a medieval fantasy, your character can't obsessively stalk the person they envy on social media. However, they could still have a spy network or keep a close eye on any news about the person..

Making snide or sarcastic comments about the person they are envious of

Comparing themselves unfavorably to the person they are envious of

Trying to one-up the person they are envious of

Expressing disinterest or disdain for the thing or person that the other character possesses

Obsessively checking social media or other sources of information about the person they are envious of

Seeking validation or attention from others to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy

Gossiping or spreading rumors about the person they are envious of

Sabotaging the other person's success or progress in some way

Blaming external factors or the other person for their own lack of success

Becoming overly competitive or aggressive in order to prove themselves superior

Feeling physical discomfort, such as a tightness in the chest or stomach, sweating, or trembling

Withdrawing socially or avoiding situations where the other person will be present

Overcompensating by purchasing or acquiring similar items to the person they are envious of

Displaying a lack of interest or enthusiasm in the achievements or possessions of others, even if it is something they would normally appreciate

Seeking reassurance or validation from others that they are still valued and appreciated, despite not having what the other person has.

Alright, we've gone over body language, sensory details, and actions. Now, let's move on to dialogue!

Using dialogue is a great way to show envy in your character because it allows the reader to hear directly how they feel. Here are some examples of how you can use dialogue to show envy:

Sarcastic comments: A character who's envious might use sarcasm or snarky comments about the person they're jealous of. For instance, if a character is envious of their best friend's new relationship, they might say something like, "Oh, congratulations on finding your perfect match! Just don't forget about us single folks."

Backhanded compliments: A character who's envious might use compliments that are actually insults to the person they're jealous of. For example, if a character is envious of their neighbor's garden, they might say something like, "Your flowers look lovely, even if they're not as colorful as mine."

Constant comparisons: A character who's envious might constantly compare themselves to the person they're jealous of, pointing out their own shortcomings. For instance, if a character is envious of their coworker's popularity, they might say something like, "I'm happy for you that everyone likes you, but I'm just not as outgoing as you are."

Dismissive remarks: A character who's envious might try to downplay the achievements of the person they're jealous of. For example, if a character is envious of their friend's new car, they might say something like, "That's a nice car, but it's not as good as mine. I mean, I could have bought a luxury car too, but I don't need to show off."

Exaggerating their own achievements: A character who's envious might try to make themselves seem more impressive than they really are to compete with the person they're jealous of. For example, if a character is envious of their sibling's academic success, they might say something like, "You got an A? That's great, but I got straight As all through college and graduated with honors."

Let's move on to setting! The setting in a story can be a powerful tool to show a character's envy. By using the character's surroundings, you can highlight their feelings of inadequacy or frustration. For instance, if your character is envious of someone else's wealth or success, they may feel out of place or uncomfortable in a luxurious mansion or at a fancy dinner party.

Moreover, the setting can be used to create opportunities for the character to act on their envy. Suppose your character is envious of someone else's job or position, and they find themselves alone in the office after hours, they may jump at the chance to undermine that person or sabotage their success.

Lastly, the setting can be used to contrast the character's feelings of envy with their desires or aspirations. For example, if your character is envious of someone else's happy family life, they may feel out of place or isolated in a cozy, warm family gathering. Alternatively, if they are envious of someone else's freedom and independence, they may feel stifled in a strict, oppressive society.

Comparing living spaces: A character who is envious of someone else's wealth or success may feel uncomfortable or inferior when visiting their lavish mansion or apartment.

Events and gatherings: A character who is envious of someone else's social standing may feel out of place or jealous at fancy dinner parties or events.

Workplace: A character who is envious of someone else's job or position may act on their envy by undermining or sabotaging the other person's success.

Travel: A character who is envious of someone else's travels or adventures may feel jealous or resentful when visiting a destination that the other person has already been to.

Family gatherings: A character who is envious of someone else's happy family life may feel out of place or isolated at cozy family gatherings.

Oppressive society: A character who is envious of someone else's freedom and independence may feel stifled or resentful in a strict, oppressive society.

Display of wealth: A character who is envious of someone else's wealth may feel jealous or resentful when confronted with the other person's expensive possessions or lifestyle.

Great news, we're almost finished! We just have a few more topics to cover, and the one we're moving on to now is all about your character's point of view. This is where we get to explore their thoughts and internal dialogue, which can really bring their feelings to life. After all, nothing can reveal a character's emotions more than what's happening inside their mind.

Comparisons: A character's envy may be revealed through their tendency to compare themselves to others. They may often find themselves measuring their own achievements or possessions against those of others, feeling frustrated and inadequate when they don't measure up.

Resentment: A character may feel resentment towards others who have what they desire, leading them to become bitter and even hostile towards those individuals.

Self-Doubt: A character's envy may stem from a deep-seated sense of self-doubt or insecurity. They may believe that they are not good enough or worthy enough to achieve the success or possessions that they desire, leading to feelings of envy towards those who have what they want.

Fixation: A character may become fixated on the person or people they are envious of, constantly monitoring their social media or obsessing over their every move. This fixation may lead to a preoccupation with the other person's life and a sense of despair over their own.

Self-Pity: A character may feel sorry for themselves and their situation, particularly in comparison to others who seem to have everything they want. This may lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness towards those individuals.

Rationalization: A character may rationalize their feelings of envy, convincing themselves that the other person does not deserve their success or possessions. They may tell themselves that the other person had an unfair advantage or that they do not work as hard as they do.

Admiration: A character may feel envy towards someone while also admiring them for their success or possessions. This may create a sense of internal conflict within the character, as they struggle to reconcile their feelings of envy with their respect for the other person.

Here are some thoughts a character may have:

"Why does everyone else seem to have it so easy?"

"I wish I could have what they have."

"Why do they get all the attention and praise?"

"They don't deserve that success, I do."

"I hate feeling this way, but I just can't help being envious."

"If only I had their talent/looks/money, my life would be so much better."

"Why can't I catch a break like they do?"

"I can't stand seeing them with what I want."

"They don't appreciate how lucky they are to have what they have."

"Why do they always get everything they want while I'm left with nothing?"

You could use these relatively directly such as:

As she sat hunched over on her bed, the room around her dimly lit, she couldn't shake off the nagging feeling of inadequacy. Her mind kept wandering to a single thought: "Why does everyone else seem to have it so easy?" She opened up her phone and scrolled through her social media feed, bombarded with pictures of her friends laughing, traveling, and simply enjoying life. The world in those pictures seemed so far from her reality, and the weight of envy crept into her heart. She wished she could have what they have, that carefree life.

When it comes to conveying your character's feelings to your readers, their direct thoughts and internal dialogue can be a great tool. However, it's important to use it in moderation, as using it too much can lead to telling your readers how your character is feeling instead of showing them through actions and description. So, it's all about finding the right balance to ensure your readers can fully immerse themselves in your character's world and experiences.

Let's talk about metaphors and analogies now. They can be a powerful tool in your writing to convey a deeper meaning or to make a comparison more vivid and relatable. However, be cautious not to overuse them as it can shift your writing from showing to telling. Moreover, too many metaphors and analogies can also become overwhelming and irritating for your readers.

Metaphors and analogies can be used to show envy in a character by using comparisons to convey their feelings. For example, a character who is envious of someone else's success could be described as feeling like they are drowning in a sea of missed opportunities, while the other person is sailing smoothly on a luxury yacht. Or a character who is envious of someone else's beauty could be described as feeling like a withered flower compared to their radiant glow.

"Her envy was a green monster, gnawing away at her insides." (Metaphor)

"Watching her friend's success was like a knife twisting in her gut." (Analogy)

"He was like a dog with a bone, unable to let go of his envy and obsession with his colleague's success." (Simile)

"Envy was a heavy cloak draped over her shoulders, weighing her down with bitterness and resentment." (Metaphor)

"Her envy grew like a weed in her mind, choking out any other thoughts or feelings." (Analogy)

"He was a snake in the grass, secretly wishing for his rival's downfall." (Metaphor)

"Envy was a contagious disease, spreading through her heart and poisoning her relationships with others." (Metaphor)

"Watching others succeed was like a constant reminder of her own shortcomings and failures." (Analogy)

"Her envy was a fire that burned hot and bright, consuming her from the inside out." (Metaphor)

"He felt like a shadow, always lurking behind his more successful peers and longing for the spotlight." (Simile)

And a final take, let's combine some of these things to show an envious character:

Nal chewed on her lip, watching as Mark laughed with their boss. She exhaled a harsh breath and abruptly turned to her computer before they noticed her staring. Glaring at the screen, she felt envy burn through her body like a raging fire. She knew her work was better than Mark's; she had even received more responses from the public. But because Mark was the boss's favorite, he had received the promotion instead. Nal felt cheated and bitter, and couldn't help but wonder why she was always the employee that everyone left behind. Why was everyone else always the favorite, but not her? She smiled bitterly at her screen, contemplating typing up a resignation.

Hey there, hope you found the show don't tell guide to envy helpful! Let me know your thoughts, I always appreciate feedback. I have more guides like this on my page for you so be sure to check them out, from anger to happiness or sadness, they're all there. You can also find these posts more organized here!

[suratan-zir]

I wanted to say that I see all your messages. Thank you. I don't deserve your condolences, even though it hurts like hell. S. had a husband and a mother, they were her only family, her world, and causing them pain was her only regret in the event of her death.

I'm putting my useless feelings and ramblings under the cut

Some of you knew her as Mathilda from her old blog, though it wasn't her real name nor her callsign. I will call her S.

Yesterday morning, on one of the military telegram channels I follow, I read that the russians went on the offensive on the part of the front where S. was. Infantry with tank support. S. went on duty just two days pryor, so I knew she's there, in the thick of things.

I immediately texted her asking if she's alive. She didn't answer because she wasn't. I saw that my message went through (meaning there is an internet connection), but there was no repsonse… So even though it shouldn't have been a surprise, I still can't believe it. Not even a month ago, she was sitting on this same couch eating pizza. She looked out of this window as I showed her the view of the Dnipro river. If I had known that the last hug she gave me would be the last hug from her...

S. was so tiny and strong at the same time. She was so proud of the muscles she had gained during her time at the front.

S. told me that my chances of being killed by a missile are extremely low, because it would need to hit exactly the roof. "Even if it lands right next to your house, you'll survive," she said. Yet she monitored air raids in my town and was still worried anyway. She, being in literal hell on earth, worried about me. That's the kind of person she was.

The whole motherfucking country of russia isn't worth a single hair on her head. Good russians, bad russians, average russians, I hope they all rot in the hell of their own making.

I promised her to be more angry than sad. I lied. I'm neither. I only feel pain and that's it. I'm crying, drinking, trying to sleep and crying some more. To think that she was going through it regularly, messaging me only short "X. died today, he was my roommate", "he chopped wood for me", "he was such a nice guy, only 23 years old". She was losing friends almost every day and managed to stay sane.

I haven't lost people to death before. Only elderly relatives, in their 90s. This is a brand new kind of pain. It gives you a perspective…

I know that her death wasn't in vain. She saved so many people during these two years. But I don't care. I'm not like her. If I could turn back time and prevent her from coming to Ukraine, I would. But it was her choice, the one she was proud of.

I want the last ten years to be a twisted elaborate nightmare. I can't…

[0w0tsuki]

You wanna know what fucking sucks about the trans andro crowd? You know besides the fact that all it takes is a transfem breathing the wrong direction at them for them to call her a Terf. The fact that they have the SHEER GAUL to claim it is in the name of TransUnity.

You wanna know what trans unity was? It was a term created for us to rally around when this tide of genocidal legislation started rising. To gather around and show SUPPORT for one another. To mobilize and RESIST this wave of hatred.

And tbros saw this as a very convenient shield, an uno reverse card, something to accuse other people of being against when they themselves aren't performing it. If you call them out on their infighting and punching across they will use the very fact that your criticizing them of this to argue that actually? NO! YOUR infighting!

None of these tbros are going in counter protest to ACTUAL Terf rallies. They aren't spreading donation posts. They aren't talking about news about daily anti-trans laws being put forth and trying to resist them. No. They spend their whole time trying to Gotcha! Trans women.

You know what people interested in ACTUAL TransUnity don't do? We don't have our top blog actively promote a blog dedicated to block evading (while simultaneously blocking out all criticism) to grab full username screenshots of trans folks they want to witch hunt and put them next to hate anons from feds calling them shit like zipper tits in order to whip up their audience to either sent hate or to EXCLUDE THEM. Like actually patting themselves on the back that they got swaths of the community to denounce and exclude us. All while trying to claim it's not transmisoginistic because they're MAINLY targeting other transmen. You know. Those trans men who said "actually that's kinda fucked up. I'ma actually stand in solidarity with my sisters" who were immediately branded as traitors by them. DEFINITELY not an attempt to separate us from the few allies we have while simultaneously telling those in your community "THIS is what happens if you stand against us!"

They don't "joke" about their group chat of Transandrophobia truthers that have been called transmisoginsts so many times that they see calling themselves that as an inside joke signalling each other to swarms posts about transmisoginy.

They don't purposely form insular communities where the only transfems allowed are those who sign at the gate they agree to every single say and they have social clout within that circle for organizing it. They don't try to USE said clout to try and redefine the TERF for these people in a way that would give them the position to call transfems TERFs (which they themselves admit to being a former member of).

And they don't try to discredit and not read arguments from the other side by screenshoting their bios to see if there's anything that they can point out that in their opinion shouldn't be listened to in the first place from "oh she's a white uwu cat girl" to "oh she's a bi lesbian". For all of the hand wringing that the trans andro crowd goes on about how "everyone listens to trans women over trans men and we just get ignored" they CERTAINLY don't have ANY interest in actually listening to trans women. There are no attempts at appeals to our arguments. No "I can see why trans women feel this way and I want to acknowledge their oppression while still advocating for mine" just "oh so you just hate trans men". No attempts at actual UNDERSTANDING trans women who feel hurt by their actions.

Your telling me the crowd who so ADAMANTLY opposed the terms transmisoginy and tme/tma in the first place. Who viewed every post of transfems complaining about the intracommunity oppression they felt as a personal attack on them. Your telling me these people should be given the benefit of the doubt when they try to argue for their own term which is DEFINITELY not reactionary to transmisoginy.

Your going to tell me the crowd that has convinced themselves that they are in a subculture war against transfems have their hearts in the right place and are trying to bring the community together when they are actively working to exclude transfems and their allies from the queer community?

Yall should find FUCKING APPALLING these people who've only ever acted like exclusionary bullies about their politics take a term that was supposed to be a rallying cry for trans people and turn it into the "so much for the tolerant left" but for the queer community, to demand all of the patience and consideration in the world while giving none. I don't even have to argue against their theory. Their actions speak louder than words.

[yukipri]

Hey there! Given that I signed up for my blog over ten years ago, when things were very different, I unfortunately have no idea what things are like now, sorry!

But wanted to mention that you yourself also look like a bot (hence why I didn't respond directly to your ask, and am instead answering via screenshot). Assuming you are a real person and not a new weird bot, I would very strongly recommend doing the following things so other Tumblr users don't accidentally block you!

Change your icon from the default one. Just use anything else as a placeholder for now! I recommend something unique to you, such as a photo of your pet, or idk, take a picture of your favorite pen or snack or something.

Write something in your bio! List your fandoms/hobbies, or even just "I'm new here and figuring stuff out" etc

Make a post or reblog some! Empty blogs look like bot blogs, and we have no way of knowing when you made your account. Just a brief self-intro elaborating more on your fandoms/interests (no word count limit! go wild!), photo of your pet, or reblogging from other users using the two arrows circling button 🔄. You're very welcome to reblog from me!

(note, reblogging is very different from reposting/reuploading. The former is where you use the reblog button/function to share other Tumblr users' posts onto your own blog. Creators generally love this, as it helps boost our own posts, and all credit, likes, shares, etc will come back to us! Reposting/reuploading is when you save work that isn't yours to your device, and create a brand new post. This doesn't link to anyone, and is theft, and hurts creators. Don't do this!)

I hope this information was helpful to you, and if you have any other questions, I'm happy to help!

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

[bomberqueen17]

what is up froods

lol i keep forgetting to like. actually write updates in my personal journal. i'm using this tumblr too much like a tumblr.

i went down a rabbit hole the other night in that i just opened my own archives and went back to 2013 and then realized i started this in 2011. i didn't say a lot, back then i definitely was still using my LJ for Big Personal Updates and Tumblr was exclusively for snappy shitposts, and then I abandoned the LJ and only blogged in snappy shitposts for a while, and I did some vagueblogging that I genuinely have no idea what it was about, and that's fun.

But there's some. Boy there's some real fossils in there. God everything stays the same but everything happens so much.

I know I've backed up this blog but IDK how much you can make it make sense, offline. Anyway. That's how it goes. I'm not in any kind of existential panic about the site I'm just reacting to the zeigeist here, it made me think of old times.

I go back to the farm in a couple of weeks-- just for a couple of weeks, but the Season is Starting. My physical therapist keeps giving me more exercises. She's right, my core strength is wretched, but when I said I'd tried to do crunches now and then, tried to stay a tiny bit fit but-- she was like omg no you can't do crunches, with that hip cartilage as it is, so I felt a little better. So she's teaching me what I *can* do, and the important thing is that she's like you cannot do this more than every other day or three times a week, you cannot rush this kind of thing, and it's wonderful advice contrary to all the other advice I've ever had in my life which was like every moment you're not doing more work you're being a lazy shit. So, that's nice. I'll cut because nothing else here is going to be interesting.

I'm not the youngest person at physical therapy but there's a lot of old people there. I haven't been masking, I've been being lazy and just using xylitol nose spray before I go, and it's been fine, but I know that's just luck. (I see no one but Dude, who sees almost no one but me, so the consequences of fucking up would be minor.) with a trip to the farm coming up, I'm going to go back to masking, at least in the lead-up to the trip-- because last time I had COVID I had almost no symptoms, and nowadays apparently the rapid tests aren't super useful. The way I'm coping is, I know, a logical fallacy-- since COVID wasn't bad the one time I had it, I'm just telling myself I'm resistant naturally and it won't hurt me, and I know this is not the truth at all but it helps me cope-- but I cannot stand the thought of spreading it to someone who would be more hurt by it, so I have convinced myself not to fear catching it but to fear spreading it. I figure it's effectively the same and lets me not just be fucking terrified all the time.

I also discovered that a former employee of the farm who's out here going to college is interested in carpooling, and we've already got a tentative date for him to ride back with me on my way back from the farm at the end of March, and this has lightened my spirits a great deal. It's such a long drive and it feels like such a waste of gas, and he does have a car but it's not actually that safe to drive on the Thruway. (He swears up and down it's perfectly safe but just not at sustained speeds over 60. I was like omg kid do NOT, I will drive, my car is brand fkn new. He's taking the train home and will ride back with me.)

Let's see. Oh I don't think I've kept up with posting about the kitchen painting. It's down to the last tiny fiddly details, and what I've got to do is do a half-stencil in the corner above the door, and I did one half yesterday and will finish the rest today. I had to custom cut out a copy of part of the stencil to make it work, and it's sort of janky and I am going to have to hand-paint it with a lot of masking tape, but it's such a small area that like, why not, I can be that fussy. It's fine.

Once I finish that, which if I do part in the morning and part in the afternoon I can do today, then I can FINALLY CLEAN UP AND PUT AWAY all the painting detritus. I can't tell you how excited I am to do that.

I've also been doing fabric dyeing, finally. I collected several of the muslin garments I'd finished and meant to do something with, and got out my dyes. I did a batch of ice dye solely because I forgot which ones I'd intended to use for that; now I have a pair of slightly ill-fitting homemade leggings that look like a clown threw up on them, and a cheerful sweatshirt to match. i then used the runoff to dye the cream-colored canvas work smock-- I sort of tie-dyed it because I pasted up a little bit of two of the component colors and poured that on a couple areas that I then rubberbanded, because I wanted tie-dye but did not want any white areas left. So it's a blue/purple/red smock now, and the rainbow stitching I constructed it with was polyester so it's still rainbow, huzzah. Subtle and understated and also I can smear it with filth and maybe it will still look intentional.

[image description: a canvas work smock with big pockets, hanging to dry, mostly a mucky dark purple but with some brighter splotches of red and dark blue, and some bits of paler purple.]

[image description: assorted garments draped over drying racks in a sunporch, in blotchy shades of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, all kind of run together but not murky.]

And then I did another batch of ice dye, this time with the dyes I had bought that are supposed to work well for this because they split. That dress is still in the wash so I don't have pictures of how it turned out, but mostly it just looks splotchy green. LOL oh well. The point was, I made all these test garments in undyed fabric, but I don't have a lifestyle where I can wear a white dress, so now I have some non-white dresses I don't have to be precious about. Some of them I should now probably hem and like actually finish..........

I have one dress and one shirt left, and a pair of light-wash jeans I don't like wearing, and I'm thinking about trying like. Ombre or something. We'll see if I get around to that.

My sewing area is still a fuckin disaster and I don't want to think about it. But I'm cutting out a vest from scrap denim, I want a quilted abrasion-resistant washable work vest for farm work next week and I gotta get a move on. All I need now is to cut out the batting and get to it. So hopefully today.

I took photos, I might try writing up how-tos on the dyeing and on the repurposed denim stuff, but I also might not. If I was doing this again I would probably not bother with the ice, for the rainbow one. We'll see once the properly ice dyed dress comes out of this wash, I can hear the washer spinning but I'm trapped under Chita at the moment.

I missed this week's fic update because I'm progressing so slowly on both current active WIPs. I have a bunch written ahead in both, but each one has the back half of the current chapter just held up waiting for me to write them; I've overcome the structural decisions that delayed me, but I have to just sit and write them. And both of them are complicated scenes I've been waiting to write a long time, so I'm looking forward to writing them, and so like, paradoxically, can't make myself do it. Because once I've done it I'll have done it, see... anyway. Silly but there it is. I'll get through it once I decide I deserve that treat. I know! I know.

[jillsandwhichs]

cleon one shot fic , chap 10 , spoiled

masterlist

pairing: Claire Redfield & Leon Kennedy

summary: Leon takes Claire shopping for her birthday

status of their relationship in this one shot: Dating

wc: 6.0k

type: Sfw

a/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Comments, reblogs & likes are appreciated. Thank you. Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME 🎉🎈 Thank you guys for always supporting me, it's the best gift I could ever ask for

"Can't believe you're doing this for me, it's so sweet." Claire expressed to her boyfriend, twiddling with her nails as she gazed at him. As of right now, she was relaxed & comfy in the passenger seat, whereas Leon was driving them. They were on their way to a recently built mall in the city. Claire has before spoken on wanted to go there, just to see what types of stores there were, Leon was ready to fulfill that idea for her.

Leon turned his head, looking back at her with a grin, "You can't believe it? Well, I can. It's your birthday baby, of course I'm going to do something for you." Leon cooed at her, giving her a playful wink. "I seriously appreciate it Leon, thank you." Claire smiled at him. "Of course." Leon muttered back, his left hand still on the wheel as his right made it's way to her thigh, gripping it softly as he drove down the busy highway.

The streets in the city were packed, especially on weekends considering just about everyone had the two days off - Saturday & Sunday that is. All sorts of different cars were making their way to different places. The city was quite populated, ranging to about 6k people living in it. Leon & Claire were just two of a large, extensive amount. Leon could already imagine how busy the mall was going to be, especially since it's brand new. It's only been open for about a week now. Stores might've already sold out.

As he drove, music was soothingly playing from the radio. Just a calming tune. Both parties enjoyed it. The sun was out & about too. It blazed the entire city, it was 82⁰ out, both Claire & Leon were able to bust out their causal summer clothing. For the day, Claire was wearing a plain, faded red tank with some light blue faded demin shorts, pretty casual. Although Leon wasn't as done up, he was just wearing a black t with khaki shorts that bendled down to his knees. He wasn't all for wearing shorts but he wasn't about to suffer in the heat either.

"Do you wanna get food first or afterwards?" He questioned, it popped in his head as he went off the exit and spotted a sign with some fast food logos on it. Leon despises fast food, it always gives him a gut ache and causes him to bloat but on occasion, it's bearable. And besides, today is not about him but rather Claire. Actually, in his world, it's always about her. They did only begin dating recently, about two months ago, but those two months have been a dream.

"We can go after, I'd really rather shop without greasy ass food marinating in my stomach." Claire described eating fast food in such a grotesque way, it was actually comedic. "Yes ma'am." Leon hummed to her, squeezing her thigh easily and using his other hand to turn & steer the car. They weren't to far from the mall but a good distance enough to where they still need to use the GPS tracker set up on Leon's held phone. These things are marvelous and a great invention. Although Claire isn't as for it as he is.

"Is there anything specific you plan to look for? To buy?" "Don't know yet... Would like to see if there is a bookstore or a candle store. Some new clothes wouldn't hurt either." Claire beamed with radiance, her eyes like a sparkling & spinning disco ball. They were full of excitement for the upcoming journey. "Those are some nice choices sweetheart, like I said earlier, there are no limits, you may get whatever it is your heart desires." Leon chuckled, turning the car left as he pulled into an entirely new street.

"I seen on your timeline that a lot of people wished you a Happy Birthday, I honestly didn't realize you were so close to so many people." Leon explained, coughing slightly before talking again, "So whose Neil?" Leon asked her. Leon was very much the jealous type. Of course he's going to worry when he sees a conventionally attractive male commenting on his girlfriend's post with some stupid heart emojis & explanation points.

"Neil? Oh, he's my coworker. Why do you ask babe?" Claire questioned her boyfriend, her eyebrows bunching together. "Oh, no reason, no reason at all..." He paused momentarily, trying to come up with what to say next. "Just that, does he like you or have a thing for you?" Leon added, his eyes fierce as they landed on her. "Not that I know of, honey, where is this coming from?" Claire giggled, taking her icy water bottle out of the cup holder and taking a few tiny sips from it.

"His comments... On your timeline... "Oh Claire, I didn't forget about your birthday, have a good one!" With a shit ton of hearts." Leon mocked Neil, his eyes rolling. Damn, he can be sassy as all hell. Not responding, Claire just glared at him, her brown doe like eyes just on him. "What?" Leon spoke out. As he said that, Claire couldn't help but cackle, her cheeks turning rosey red as she stared at him. His confused face just made it even better.

"Oh baby, there is just no way you're threanted by Neil of all men!" Claire giggled even more, caressing his hand as she did so. Leon just watched her in awe, she's was super cute but his worries weren't set aside yet. "What is he Gay or something? If so, that's great." Leon's eyes lit up. "No dummy, he's not Gay but he has a girlfriend. Really baby, were just friends." Claire eased his mind, smiling at him. "I just find it funny when you get like that." "Like what?" "Like all possesive & caring... I just enjoy it, that's all." Claire responded to him wonder.

"Glad you get enjoyment out of my pain." Leon teased her. The tone of his voice was rather seductive sounding, even though that wasn't what he was implying. Still, Claire felt something inside her change when he spoke that way. It made her feel good. A different kind of good though. She let it roam through her head before she then shook the thoughts away, studying the buildings as Leon drove right on by them. In the city, all the buildings were either skyscrapers or just large in general. Claire was a country girl at heart but the city brings a more lively feel out of her.

"Turn left onto Warner road, then continue down Warner road for another two miles." The automated voice played from Leon's iPhone. "Almost there, babygirl." Leon assured, passing her a warm tinted smile before focusing on the road. "Yay!" Claire said quietly but her voice as playful as can be. She was a cutie. Although, she would get all cringed when Leon would call her that. She finds it to be a nickname you'd give to a pet or a child. But deep down, it does make her happy he views her as cute & beautiful rather than most men who care for women who can be viewed as just hot & attractive.

Leon's hand was still wrapped around Claire's thick thigh ; He'd put pressure on it every so often, sometimes even causing a low groan to release from Claire, in which Leon found to be sexy but nevermind that. They were still early on into their relationship, there's no way Leon would admit his sexual attraction to her anytime soon & vice versa. It's clear though. Very clear.

"If they have a nail salon inside, since a lot of newer malls do, would you mind if I got my nails done? Just a manicure?" "Babe, I don't mind, anything you want, I will provide." Leon spoke with a genuine tone, making sure she knew of his seriousness. "If you say so." Claire replied to his statement. As the car went silent, Claire grabbed her phone from her shorts and swiped right on it, watching as all of her applications appeared.

Claire clicked on the messages app and noticed there was a red circle with the number '1' on it, indicating someone texted her. As she pressed on it, it was a notification from her brother, Chris. "Chris messaged me." Claire announced to Leon as she swiped left on it, opening it. All it read was, "Hey Claire. Happy Birthday. Love you and miss you." It was very short & sweet. "Awe, he said Happy Birthday and that he loves & misses me." Claire told him. "That's good. I'm glad your brother loves you so much. A lot of siblings aren't that close, y'know?" Leon continued on with the subject.

"It is sad to see. Working with TerraSave, I see families torn apart all the time. Once in a blue moon though, I'll see a pair of siblings that are very close and all I see is a reflection of Chris and I." Claire paused. "It means the world to see siblings be that way. Especially younger ones." She stopped, letting out a slight sigh. "Yep." Leon responded, his eyes shooting from his phone & back to the paved street. They were getting very close to the mall.

"Is that it right there?" Claire questioned, leaning forward to attempt to get a better angle on it. "Pretty sure, the GPS is showing that it is." Leon said, clearing his throat as he spoke. "Do you want me to bring my purse in just in case?" "Claire, leave all of your money in here, like I said, it's all on me." Leon insisted, a half smile forming nicely on his handsome face. "Okay honey, I'm sorry for pushing it, I just feel bad when people spend their personal money on me." "Even when they offer it themselves?" "Even so." Claire stated calmly, sitting back regularly in the passenger seat.

Leon sat up more straight and shifted lanes before swiftly turning his car into the parking garage. It was literally full of cars. He already knew it was going to suck to walk from his car to the mall & eventually from the mall to his car. But it's a sacrifice he's willing to make for his love. "Here we are." Leon mumbled out, quickly turning his phone off as he surprisingly found a free parking space on the third floor which wasn't to bad considering how many floors the garage was.

Putting the vehicle in park, Leon heaved out deeply with a chortle, unbuckling as well then peeping over at Claire, "You okay, my love?" Leon wondered, taking his right hand and sticking it to her cheek, stroking it with love, pure love. "Yes handsome, I just have a minor headache, nothing major." Claire gave him a gentle look as she was practically melting at his sweet touch. "Oh sweetheart, take these." Leon pulled his hand away for a second, opening up the center console and pulling out some medication. He twisted the cap off and plopped two of the pills into his hands before dropping them in hers.

"Those should do the trick." He cooed to her, his tone low & loving. "Thank you." Claire whispered, popping them into her mouth and taking a swig of her ice cold water. It made her throat feel extremely refreshed as it drained down it. "Good. Let's go baby." Leon muttered out as he opened the door, stepping out of the car & stretching widely. "Yes." Claire responded with am adorable snort as she also opened the door on her side & got out.

The parking garage was empty, all there was were other cars and the occasional person either parking or leaving. That just meant everyone was most likely at the mall. This parking garage isn't reserved for the mall, but it's pretty close to it so it's not a drastic assumption. After they both closed their side doors, they linked their hands together as they made way to the establishment.

"Should've gotten you a Birthday sash that says something like "Birthday Queen" therefore everyone knows it's all about you." Leon teased, their hands swaying back & fourth. "Oh Jesus no, I would hate that." Claire giggled, nuzzling her head against his broad shoulder. "You don't like being in the spotlight?" "Oh absolutely not." Claire answered his silly question. "I hate doing anything that rounds attention onto me." She reasoned with him. "Me too babygirl." He whispered back.

The stroll out of the garage felt never ending but eventually, they entered out of the pedestrian exit and immediately were shot by the warm sun. "I hope the mall is cooler, I'm dying out here." Claire complained, putting her shades on. They fit her face very well and were quite cute. "I'm sure it does." Leon eased her, squeezing her hand firmly. Summer days were always like this. Just the occasional breeze was a big help through these heat waves. In Leon's flat, he has three AC's built in, that's most likely why Claire prefers staying over there instead of her own abode.

It was enormous & had large glass windows classed all along it. The mall was in commission for a good bit, no wonder so much time & energy was spent on it. For awhile now, Claire has wanted to check it out and now she finally gets to. She truly has a hard time expressing her feelings but she's grateful for Leon and all he is doing for her. It's super sweet and she feels totally loved by him. No man has done things like this for her before, it's a whole new experience.

As the both of them convoyed closer to the mall, they witnessed as groups of people walked right on in and right on out. Leon was correct - it was extremely busy. But nothing he can't handle. It didn't appear that anyone in the crowds of people walking out were sweating or uncomfortable, all the more that proved it would be a decent degree on the inside of the abundance of stores. "Alright Red, let's go in." Leon grunted out as he led himself & Claire through the automatic transparent doors.

Immediately, a chilled windy breeze blew onto the two of them, a relieved sigh coming from both of them. Leon didn't mind it as much but it made him happy knowing it was one less thing to worry about. Claire's comfortability means so much to him. There were escalators all over & all sorts of stores were scattered around the building. It was one hell of a mall, that's for sure. It was top tier compared to the ones Claire used to shop at in Highschool or College. This one was way cooler.

"Wow, this place is massive as all hell." Claire chuckled out, her eyes glistening as she studied it. Leon watched as she did, taking in the view of his astonished girlfriend. "You like?" "I like." Claire snickered, kissing the side of his shoulder sweetly. There were loads of people just simply wandering around and shopping like your everyday average person. It was calming to witness, especially since both Leon & Claire are always out doing abnormal things such as killing literal monsters. This was a good change of pace.

"Come over here baby, think this is a map of the mall." Leon spoke to her, leaning down towards her ear so she could hear him clearly. Claire held onto his arm now instead of his hand, it made her feel not only more secure but more happy. Leon & Claire headed towards the pamphlet holder and snatched out one of the maps, unfolding it & scanning it. Yeah, there were a lot of stores. Claire was gonna have a field day.

"Here honey, you take a look at it." Leon offered, passing her the map. Claire gave him a slight nod as she viewed it, taking it in, in all it's glory. "People weren't kidding when they said this mall was ginormous." Claire scoffed in disbelief. "Yeah, wherever you wanna go first, we'll go." Leon whispered to her, pecking her cheek directly afterwards. "You mean it?" "I mean it, Claire. I'm ready to spend a good bit of cash." He snickered to her, holding her hips momentarily as he stood behind her.

"In that case, I'd like to look for some clothes first, just to get that out of the way." The woman said, her words understandable. "Fine by me." The man responded, giving Claire a loving smirk. She interlocked her arm with his again as they began their journey. "What store would you like to visit first, for clothes?" "American Eagle, if that's okay. They just have a good selection of jeans." "Red, next time you say "If that's okay" I'm gonna choke you." Leon laughed, wanting her to just relax.

"Okay, okay, I know. I just, like I said, feel bad when people spend their money on me." Claire pleaded out to him as they entered a escalator. "You better get used to it." Leon huffed out kindly. Escalators were fearful to Claire. Just the thought of getting your fingers or toes stuck in one was icky to imagine but not only that, it's a common occurrence which just fuels her fear much more. "I hate escalators." "Me too babygirl." Leon giggled, kissing the top of her head and breathing in deeply, the scent of coconut filling his nostrils was intoxicating.

Reaching the top, Claire hopped off alongside Leon and they instantly seen the large sign for the American Eagle store before they both walked right on in. Distant music was playing all throughout it and the store was mainly full of teenagers or middle aged women. Leon felt like he was out of place, he stuck as close to Claire as humanly possible. "How does a tinier version of AE have more clothes than the bigger one?" Claire spoke with comedic concern as she dragged her fingertips along the jeans on the shelf.

"I'm surprised not everything is sold out yet." Leon spoke in shock, eyeing down Claire as she picked up a pair of light blue jeans that were skinny. "Think these would look nice on me?" She asked as she held them up to her waist. "I think anything would look good on you, especially those." He said to her, giving her a joking wink. "M'kay." Claire muttered out, placing the jeans onto her arm and scanning the store. Right out of the corner of her eye, Claire spotted a red zip-up, it looked comfy.

"One second." Claire spoke to her boyfriend as she wandered to the other side of the place, taking the jacket off of the rack and checking it's sizing. "You would look pretty in that." "You think so? I think it'll be nice for the Fall time." Claire responded, taking it off of it's hanger. "I say you get it." Leon smiled at her. "Will do." Claire tittered, placing it on her arm, smack dab on top of the jeans.

"I'm not really seeing anything else here for clothes... Mostly jeans, I already own way to many." She shared to him. "Ok then, is there a different clothing shop you'd like to look at?" "Yeah actually, Hollister, they usually have good shirts, I need some for this summer." Claire responded to his wonder as they made way to the cash register. The man behind the counter was short & stumpy. His hat had a name tag attached to it & it read, "Joshua." On it.

Leon took the casual attire from Claire's left arm and placed it on the counter, watching as this Joshua guy scanned the QR code on the tags of the clothes Claire picked out for herself. The guy wasn't very good with customer service but it wasn't a huge deal to either of them. They don't prefer the small talk anyways. "Ok, your total is 36.40$." Joshua said with a monotone voice. "Right." Leon grunted out, pulling out his card and swiping it through the machine.

A green 'approved' popped up along with a check mark, showing that the payment successfully went through. Joshua bagged her clothing and set it on the counter, waiting for one of them to pick it up. Both of their hands reached out for it but Leon picked it up. "I got it sweetheart." Leon assured her, holding his arm out so she could hold it. As she slithered her right arm around his left, she spoke to the cashier, "Have a good day." "You guys as well." He spoke back, giving them a gentle nod. He needed that, evidently.

"That guy looked depressed." Leon chuckled, acting like what he said was funny when to Claire, it really wasn't. Working with TerraSave as made Claire more emotionally intelligent. She really takes care of those with mental illnesses as her herself suffers from it too. "Leon, that's not funny." Claire pulled away from his arm and walked with her arms crossed. Okay, she knows she's being a bit dramatic. "What? Oh baby, I wasn't joking about it. I was morely saying that due to his bruting posture." "I'm just saying, I don't think joking about that type of stuff is funny." Claire quit walking for a moment, standing beside a vending machine.

Leon quit moving as well and just gazed at her before cupping her face in his hands, the bag on the ground for a little bit. "Noted." Leon whispered, bringing himself down closer to her face and kissing her. Claire placed both of her hands on his arms as he did so, breathing in softly. He was an ass sometimes but he really is the sweetest. "If you say so hun." Claire responded to his words. "Promise." He grunted out, picking the bag back up and holding onto it stiffly.

Claire & Leon walked side by side as they strided around the mall for some time, trying to find a new place for Claire to check out. Leon had spotted a candle shop and remembered how earlier she had mentioned it. "A candle shop! You still wanna go Claire?" "Oh, yes, thanks for pointing that out honey." Claire was glad he did, she was ready to have all those amazing scents fill her nose. Treading in, the immediate smell Claire sniffed out was a berry like smell. It was delightful.

"I don't think I've ever seen this many candles at once." Leon vocalized, making a 360⁰ turn as he checked all of them out. Some were small, some were tall & some were even chunky. Claire usually gets the tall ones that are layered with three different wax scents. The current candle Claire has back home is earthy type scents. Like trees, grass, mist, wood, etc.. Today, she wanted to find something more fruity & citrusy, which is why the berry smell enticed her rapidly.

"Leon, if you see anything that will have a berry or citrus scent, let me know, that's what I'm looking for today." Claire articulated, her arms folded as she strolled around the store. The main thing she was seeing were outdoor scents and the occasional food scent, like cotton candy or chocolate, which is way to strong for her. "Gotcha hun." Leon agreed to what she had posed, making sure he made a mental note of it.

"I also seen a bookstore a bit ago, did you still wanna check it out afterwards?" Leon wondered, giving her a kind look. "Yeah, sure. Let's worry about this for now though." Claire muttered out as she picked up a layered candle but it was not what she was looking for. Either way, she took the steel top off of it and sniffed it. It smelt pleasant. It was scented as pure white flowers, one of them being a Gardenia. "I'm not usually into floral smells but this isn't to strong." Claire told Leon, handing it to him so he could smell it as well.

As he took a whiff of it, the smell blew him away. It was strong to him. "The hell do you mean that's not strong?" Leon coughed with a giggle, giving it back to his girlfriend. "Oh baby, you're just sensitive." Claire snickered, holding it close to her. Now, she was especially trying to find a tangy scented candle. Normally she has no trouble but surprisingly, she hasn't seen anything that would suit her acquired taste. She is quite picky.

"What about this one babygirl?" Leon questioned her, passing her a red, blue & purple candle. It was appealing appearance wise but what truly matters is how it smells. Twisting the top off, Claire took a decent whiff and shook her head up & down in awe. "It smells good, I like it." Claire beamed, reading the label on it. It was scented as 'Red Berry, Blue Berry & Purple Berry'. Claire had no clue what the berries actually were but she didn't pay much mind to that. "Okay, my love, is that what you want?" "Mhm!" Claire nodded continuously, standing by him still.

There were two different check out areas and both were sort of busy. Either way, it didn't matter which one they chose. Leon followed behind Claire as she got into the right side lane, standing behind two different people who were seperate. Leon wrapped his arm around Claire's shoulder, holding her close to him as they stood in line. It wasn't for a particular reason other than just liking how it feels whenever they touch each other.

The first woman in line walked off with her bags in hand. Looks like she bought a lot. Luckily, Leon's wallet hasn't been to damaged yet. The clothes were much cheaper than expected earlier. The candles were 7$ each too. The distant convo between the cashier & the customer in front of them could audibly be heard. Clearly, this worker has a lot more experience working in customer service than that dude from earlier. But nevermind that.

"How sweet of you to purchase this for your daughter." The cashier spoke to the man. "Yeah, yeah, with her graduation coming up and all, I wanna make it special." The man chortled, taking the singular bag off of the tan counter. "You have a good day." The woman said softly. "You too!" He replied, heading out of the store now. Claire felt at ease knowing it was a nice lady working right now. Sometimes people who work at malls are so uppity.

Stepping up to the register, Claire placed both candles on the platform, allowing the woman to scan them & bag them. "Hello, how are you two today?" The woman asked. She didn't have a name tag so there was no way of knowing who she was. "Hey, we're good, you?" Leon uttered to her, his voice deep. "I'm doing just fine." The woman grinned, glancing at the bar, checking what the total was. "Your total is 15.12$." She said softly, waiting for one of them to pay.

Once again, opening his wallet, Leon grabbed out his card and stuck it into the machine, watching as it took the money off of it. "Alrighty, you two are all set." "Thanks. Have a nice one." "You too!" She responded to Leon's friendly words. Now, Leon was holding onto two different bags. Luckily, they weren't heavy at all. It was his workout for the day.

"Want me to hold one?" Claire raised, holding her hand out. "No babe, it's fine." Leon held his arm out for her to hold onto. "Onwards to the bookstore!" Claire giggled out, her head rubbing up against his tightened shoulder. "Onwards & upwards." Leon repeated back, giving out a soft chuckle. The bookstore wasn't far from the candle store as it was just across the mall on the third floor, which was just above the clothing stores they were at earlier.

The mall was still packed as ever. It wasn't even the afternoon yet and still, so many civilians were here. Leon can't even begin to imagine how crowded it is later in the day. The mall was built nicely though, there's no denying that. All the windows emitted a natural light that wasn't to strong to where you'd have to cover your eyes due to the shimmer. It was a peaceful look. It was more modern which is definitely Leon's style. The prominent colors of the building were white, black, gray & pops of red and blue. It was very much color coded.

"Right here babygirl." Leon whispered to Claire, caressing her hand that was placed upon his arm as they entered the compact bookshop. Oh, it was calming to be in. It was really empty. About three people filled the place. The music, decorations, scent & all together atmosphere of the store was genuinely relaxing. It was a welcoming change from the commotion outside of it.

"Hi, can I help you with anything?" A man walked up to the two of them, a tanish apron with a name tag that read 'Victor'. "Uh no, we're good for now, thanks though." Leon not only spoke for himself but Claire too. If she needed help, he's there for her. The employee nodded and trotted off. He seemed to have gotten the memo. "Alright sweetheart, is there a certain book you wanted to look for?" "Actually no, I just wanted to see if I could find anything interesting." Claire answered him, studying the cozy shop.

"Ok baby, we can take a look around." He mumbled back to her reply, his hand pressed on her lower back as they checked out the store. "Any genre?" "Yeah, I was thinking thriller. I need a change from all the romance I've been reading." Claire tittered, picking up a book and reading the back of it briefly. "Understandable." Leon nodded, rubbing her back gently as she read it. Claire reveled in the feeling of Leon's hands on her. He was very affectionate, it was adorable.

"This is interesting..." Claire muttered out, setting the book back down. "What was it about?" "Just some guy who travels back in time to the '60s and gets to witness JFK's assassination first hand..." Claire whispered to him, trying to have the time remain low ; this is a bookstore after all. "Think I've heard about something like that." Leon said back to her, gazing as she picked up another book. This one was a lot smaller as where the one she had a second ago was thick.

He couldn't help but admire her. She was beyond beauty. He could stare at her all day if he so pleased. Although, that would be off putting. Besides that though, Leon just felt so good in this moment. He's got to spend the entire day with her, her entire Birthday with her. It felt as though it was needed for him. He needed to be with her. Claire means the absolute world to him. Vice versa. She also felt great about today. Claire was clearly grateful & honest about how Leon took her out for her day. She felt heavily appreciated.

"Oh wait, this has been on my TBR for a good bit." Claire picked up a book. Leon couldn't see the cover but he could tell it was a decent sized novel. "Oh yeah? You want it? "Yes, of course I do." Claire snickered, opening it up & allowing her fingers to drag along the fresh pages. Oddly enough, the smell of books is great to Claire. They smell wonderful. "Don't you just love the smell of books?" Claire posed to Leon as she stuck the book to his nose, allowing him to also sniff it. "Mmm, yeah, sure." Leon said jokingly. He definitely wasn't all about it like Claire was.

"You can pick out another one if you'd like." "No, that's alright, I'm getting pretty hungry and I'm honestly good with everything I've gotten today." Claire smiled up at Leon, positioning her lips to be duck lips. Leon cackled and grabbed ahold of her chin, pecking her lips a couple times before he then kissed her nose lovingly. Claire blushed deeply, her cheeks turning a dark shade of rose. Leon really could hit the spot on her.

Leon took the book from Claire's hand & set it down carefully on the table, allowing the cashier to swiftly scan it and bag it. "Have a lovely day!" The woman said softly. "Ya, ya, you too." Leon giggled, taking the bag and holding onto it.

"So, Red, was there a food place you had in mind? Anywhere you choose, we'll go." Leon voiced to her, the two of them making their way out of the mall and to the garage where his car had been. Claire was not ready to sit in a hot ass car. She'll make sure Leon blasts the AC hastily. "I was kind of thinking KFC, those sandwiches are to die for and I wanna treat myself, so." Claire spoke with delight. Leon, deep down, was glad she chose said fast food chain. It was his personal favorite.

"Ooo okay." Leon chuckled out, the two of them holding hands now. His hands were significantly larger than hers. Hers felt like a babies hand compared to his. Her fingers were so slim too, it felt weird but he found it immensely attractive. As they reached the bottom of the escalator, only walking a yard in front of them, Claire pushed open the exit door and the vibrant fresh air hit them like an arrow.

"Oh it feels nice to smell fresh air. Especially after inhaling all those candles earlier." Leon expressed, basking in the weather. It definitely got warmer but the chilled breeze added to it perfectly. "Definitely." Claire responded to her boyfriend, putting her shades back on despite the literal fact they'd be back in the car in minutes. It was a extensive distance but nothing they couldn't handle. "My feet are killing me. I shouldn't have worn these sandals." Claire whined out. "You know baby, for the record, I think the sandals suit you well." Leon teased, tightening his hand on hers for a moment.

Finally, they made it to Leon's automobile, it felt like an honorable victory. "Claire, could you please pop the trunk for me? I'll put these bags in there. "Sure thing." Claire shook her head and jogged up to the driver's side, opening the trunk for Leon. She felt a tad bit sad that his arms were probably tired from carrying her bags that whole time. "How do your arms feel baby?" Claire wondered. "Just find hun, why?" "Just curious."

Ambling up to Claire, Leon's hands slithered down to her waist as he pulled her closer into him. "Thank you for today honey." Claire gleefully spoke. "Anything for you, my love. Happy Birthday." Leon whispered to her. He brought himself down closer to her face and passionately pressed his warm lips against her soft ones. Their lips moved in sync as they practically made out in the middle of a parking garage. It just felt so amazing.

Claire's hands rested on his built chest as they kissed each other. The kiss felt so real & meaningful. Despite their relationship only being about two months old, they're very comfortable with one another. Especially Claire with Leon, she feels safe in his presence and doesn't feel like there's a single thing in the world that she could do that would weird him out. He's a weirdo himself. Claire's hands slid up to the back of his neck, holding onto it firmly as their kiss only deepend with love further.

"I love you a lot." Leon muttered out between smooches, pulling away for good. "I love you too." Claire voiced to him, stroking his cheeks gently. "You ready to go get food babe?" Leon raised, letting go of her officially. "Yeah, I'm starving." Claire snorted out, kissing his cheek for a final time and making her way to the passenger side door.

[cinefairy]

i personal feel that this the problem a lot us are probably facing and thinking. i feel this is a topic to be discussed rather than saying "you have it now, the 4D is the only thing that matters, 3D is a reflection... blah blah blah". we should also consider the people who's struggling and suffering from serious mental health issues even though they know the LAW OF ASSUMPTION.

let's say they want to manifest good grade and their test is tomorrow they have nothing prepared so they just 'try' to manifest, claim it and sustain in that assumption and the next day they go to school with full hope and they doesn't know a single thing in that paper and yep they get a bad grade and get discouraged. i know i know, you be like circumstances don't matter it's because that is what you assume. if they were so passionate and hopeful about that why did they get a bad grade? many of them haven't even manifested a thing so far they get easily discouraged and give up. then they be like "let me revise it" and nothing is happening again, this shit is going on loop.

WE NEED TO STOP THIS SHIT!

the blogs and stuffs say that the 4D is real and the 3D is not important it's just a reflection. let's say your bills are due in an hour or so days and you gonna pay the 4D money? hell nah. what's the point of having it in the 4D if you're homeless and your stomach is empty. you say manifestation is instant, if it is so why isn't my assumptions not hardened into facts? we assume a lot of things and not seeing them get real pisses us off.

now let's take an example, i want a complete 360 turn of my entire life like nothing is same as before. i want to be in a different country, have different name, have different job, have different appearance, have different personalities, have different friends, have different family ...... everything is just different. and then I assume like "okay, I'm going to count to ten and when it reaches one when i open my eyes my reality is completely changed" (assumed) and then i do that and nothing changed and i gave up.

this is what is happening for a lot of us and it's even harder when they're a beginner to concious manifesting or haven't consciously manifested anything before on will.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THIS THE CASE YOU'RE GOING THROUGH? WHAT WILL BE YOUR PIECE OF ADVICE.

if i make rules and if I assume that thing it's going to be like that why isn't it changing?

as someone who has personally struggled with mental health i can only give you advice & what i’ve personally done. it is truly up to you about what you’ll do.

when i first discovered into the law i wasn’t happy. i was having the worst times of my life, therefore (and i feel like a lot of us have been through this too) we attach ourselves to the law. we see it as the light to a brand new world and we depend on it to save us. we give all this power away to the law that we forget to shine light on our roles, and how we are the ones that actually have the power.

when struggling i wanted joy- and joy for me was something large, something bold, something outstandingly amazing when actually joy can mean having a cup of hot chocolate with a few extra marshmallows than usual. joy can mean opening the window and just letting the wind past you by. listening to old songs that played a part in my life and evoking all those feelings again.

so please take care of your mental health in the way that feels comfortable be to you. in the way that feels right to you, we cant continue to abandon ourselves when we’re struggling.

and im not saying that it’ll be easy. i struggled so much when i was releasing the pain of my past, releasing the pain of what i was currently going through. but i still did it. it didn’t hurt to try.

okay now lets move onto manifesting but before that can i just say something that irks me a little?

idk anything about you or personal circumstances but its such a common trend on here (and other loa spaces) to see people be like “okay but what if i was homeless???/what if i was in an extremely toxic environment” and it pisses me off to see people use serious issues prove a point. its so unnecessary. homelessness etc are your not your points to use against manifesting blogs

anyways

imagination creates reality, look all around you. this was all made imagination first before it became a physical being.

the law asks you to do something not a lot of people want to do and that is drop the old story. you cannot continue on if you want something new in the old self, in the old set of beliefs, in the old state.

how do you intend to manifest a whole brand new life when you still dwell in the assumption that it is not here?

how do you intend (for example) to manifest a successful business when you still dwell in the assumption that you’re businesses will always be unsuccessful?

you cant measure your success through the 3D. that is the biggest mistake people do. you’ll always be stuck in the loop of manifesting, looking at the 3D, then thinking you’re failing

and you can’t depend on blogs constantly and get mad

do you accept your desires? do you feel they are yours? do you know they are yours? do you realise that now that you have claimed it in 4D it is yours.

you’re so hungry for the physical manifestation of your desire that you dont fulfil yourself inwardly. why not make yourself feel great in the inside? and the cherry on top is the physical of your manifestation.

[eldritch-spouse]

hi! my b if this has been asked before, but can/do any of your ocs have tattoos? would they want them? ik breg probably wouldn’t bc of the needles/pain, but i’m curious abt the others like santi, morell, vesper, livius…? (also i jus wanna say that i LOVE your writing 😭 i stumbled across your account on ao3 and then i made a tumblr because i could not get enough! you’re seriously so talented and everything you write jus has me craving for more.)

Now that you mention it... Yeah, I don't think there's a single character of mine with tattoos, which is a bit strange to me, but curious.

You're entirely correct, Breg is too much of a wuss about needles to ever humor one. Although, if it was a simple tattoo of your name, he would probably agree. The breeder would just have to hold your hand very tightly, and you need to keep his eyes on you the entire time or he will flip and possibly hurt the poor artist trying to work on him. Remember, the space you tattoo becomes dysfunctional when it comes to Breg's skin flickering, so maybe do it with color?

Most of the demons are totally willing to get tattoos with you. Demons are used to marks in general, many have carved and branded things into their own bodies, displaying scars and tattoos alike as sources of immense pride. Some definitely find tattoos attractive in their mates. Concubi like Santi and Vesper are particularly into the idea of you suggesting a design of yours to tattoo onto them. It functions as your own "mark". Obie is also big into tats on others, he's very indecisive about his own body however.

Livius would only humor a tatoo if it's done to match you in some way. He wants it EXACTLY like yours, if it's off even by a little bit, there will be a tantrum. Going to be real here, you could probably suggest Vesper get a tramp stamp saying "King Cumdump" and he'd get it.

Morell generally detests tattoos. We've talked about it before on the blog. He thinks it ruins meat quality, and even if he doesn't plan to eat you, his irrational distaste is still there. He hates it. Putting tattoos on himself is even less appealing, since his body is all spotted. It would looks jarring and weird, and possibly ruin his faint glow.

Another one who doesn't really like tattoos is Krulu. If you must wear a design on your body, let it be his alone. Similarly, Miara would rather you do something suiting her tastes. Or, at the very least, in a variety of colors.

Shags FUCKING LOVES tattoos. It's part of how he makes a living! Selling his ink so it can be treated properly and used for body art, which he himself has dabbled in plenty of times. You want to get a new tattoo? Fuck yes, let him help you with the design, yes? Unfortunately, since he's constantly dripping ink and his body is almost always some degree of mutilated, Shags doesn't really want to tattoo himself.

[Oh my God, you made a Tumblr just for me?!? Ahfhsbfbsf that's so sweet, holy shit. <3 Thenk you lots, I'm very very glad you enjoy my content that much!!!]

[upthewitchypunx]

You all seemed very confused about my last post, trust me, I'm just as confused about the casting a spell that binds someone's sexuality, but I guess that's where we are.

Look, I try to be a compassionate person, but sometimes when you reconnect with someone who was close to you over 20 years ago and invite them to live in your home it doesn't always go well.

I don't like talking about other people's stories, especially online, but this has affected our life and our home and brought chaos into our space. So, this is my story.

This old friend seems to have it together, paid rent early and had a job lined up before they got here. It seemed they were having a bit of trouble adjusting. After a few months it was clear they were going through a mental health thing for the 3rd time in 2 months and making wild accusations and doing hurtful things like smoking cigarettes and massive amounts of weed when they know they have a lung problem and abandoning cats with no food or water or not paying all their rent or giving 30 days notice before they leave town, you just have to cut ties.

This was the last straw. The one before was 2 weeks ago when I was accused of thinking they wanted to use magic to steal my partner and that somehow because I knew stuff they didn't I was making them feel bad about it and that they think I think they just want to steal all my ideas.

I was compassionate. I stayed calm. I said I was confused, asked if she was okay. A few days later she came down crying to apologize, said she wasn't okay. We talked. I told her about the Oregon Health Plan and how she could get some help. She seemed grateful and she did and had an appointment lined up.

Then last week we left for Astoria for a night and she was there at 4 pm to bring a package in but by 1pm the next day when we got home most of her things were gone except furniture that wouldn't fit in her car. We didn't really notice the things gone at first and thought maybe she had gone on a little trip because the cats were still here so we fed them and got them water, then messaged her after a few days. She claims she had a medical issue and called an ambulance. Then her family came here and towed her home. The time line doesn't make sense. Her family is a 12 hour drive away. How long was she in the hospital? How long did it take to pack her car? Why did she leave the cats? Why didn't she tell us on her own about the medical emergency?

I'm a pretty forgiving person, especially if the person is honest and isn't trying to take advantage of me. It often bites me in the ass, but at least I know I can sleep at night and treat people to my own ethical standard until I hit a point.

Last night we got more confusing messages declaring we actually wanted her cats all along and the whole binding her sexuality thing. We decided that it wasn't worth putting effort into this relationship, she's with her family now, we aren't getting blood from a stone, and that we had done as much as we could, calmly said we were confused and hurt and will find new homes for the cats, and blocked her.

I don't usually air someone's personal issues online, but this is someone you will never know, they probably won't see this, I don't really care if they do, and this is my blog and this is an incredibly frustrating, emotionally laborious, and financially unexpected experience we are going through right now and I just need to vent.

I've already contacted a cat rescue about the cute nice cat and the hissing mean cat that won't come out of the closet. Now I need to get rid of a brand new IKEA bed frame, a couch, a big clothing rack, 2 poorly constructed book shelves, a TV, a bunch of clothes and shoes, a record player that doesn't work, a giant stack of new age books, and a bunch of other random shit.

Oh, and cleanse the house of that nonsense before finding a new housemate, which a friend of a friend is interested in.

All of this while we are working to make the shop on the first floor browsable.

Please do not make disparaging comments about someone who is seriously going through something. I don't need to hear it. It won't be helpful or have a point. I'm not mad, just annoyed and wishing people had better communication.

[fromtenthousandfeet]

I don’t disagree with most of what you said in your last post, and for the most part blame Bang PD and Hybe for everything leading up to where we are now. The only thing I don’t really understand is that it’s been proven that MHJ was trying to make it so that they were more independent from Hybe and thus Hybe would not actually gain from New Jeans success. Ador/MHJ/NJ’s clearly were not on board for bringing in more for Hybe to ease BTS’s burden, so why give them that credit? From what I can tell, if they had it their way BTS would not benefit from them doing well at all. Criticize Hybe as much as you want, and I’ll be there nodding my head, but I can’t get on board with this narrative that excludes Hybe from being a big reason why new jeans is as successful as they are, or that mhj is more than just another self-obsessed millionaire. The disrespect towards BTS that’s been shown through this whole situation by both Hybe and MHJ really shouldn’t be ignored by anyone who has spent any amount of time or brain space supporting them, and I really hope if nothing else the PJMs that have been cheering this on because they rightly hate Hybe remember that Jimin is part of the group that has been disrespected. You don’t need to cape for any of these people, none of them deserve it.

Anon,

Thanks for your message and thanks for being respectful with your criticism of MHJ. As a woman, I've really struggled with the lazy ad-hominem attacks BTS fans have used against MHJ rather than focusing on actual potential wrong doing on her part. Enough with pedo this and shaman that.

Fundamentally, HYBE owns an 80% stake in Ador. Since Ador is not a publicly traded company, there is no mechanism for outside investors to buy stock/invest in the company. There is absolutely no way whatsoever for MHJ to remove Ador from underneath HYBE. And because HYBE owns 80% equity, they receive 80% of Ador's revenue. The only way MHJ/Ador could hurt HYBE would be to intentionally lose money, which they haven't done. What they have done is build a solid product and brand that continues to be noticed and lauded by the media (Forbes, Billboard, etc.), music critics, creatives, and of course, fans. Also, the ROI on NewJeans is really impressive (see my next post).

In terms of wanting to be independent from HYBE, I suspect Bang PD promised Min Hee Jin autonomy at her label. She probably assumed that she could use her creative vision to create her own group and likely didn't expect she would be plagiarized by other labels under the HYBE Labels umbrella. Complaining about your boss sabotaging your success seems pretty legit and normal to me. BTS fans are quick to say she's made these allegations up, but folks, we've already seen this exact playbook after Jimin's success. BigHit "borrowed" Jimin's visual concepts for Jungkook's Seven almost verbatim. But copying his clothes and photography style is nothing compared to the lengths they went to not only reproduce Jimin's #1 on the BB Hot 100, but also to surpass and devalue all of his accomplishments with that crappy song that wasn't even written in house. BigHit/HYBE damaged Jimin's artistry and his brand value. Sorry, but that's unforgiveable in my humble opinion.

I personally don't see how the conflict between MJH and BSH has hurt BTS. If anything, it's galvanized an increasingly fractured fandom around a common enemy. The conflict has benefited RM the most as the fandom sprung into action in order to "protect" BTS from the witch. Simply look at the lackluster response to Hobi's Neuron and Teahyung's Fri(end)s compared to the response to RM's new album and singles. The fandom has obviously been losing momentum the longer the boys are away and now they have a new reason to be reinvigorated.

In the end, I'm happy to agree to disagree. This blog isn't serious. My opinions are my own and of course I could be completely wrong. Also, I'm not ARMY, I'm just a casual fan who is fascinated by both BTS' international success and the devotion of their die-hard fandom. That said, I think Jimin has the potential to be hugely successful as a solo artist and I hope it happens. It's been a strange and sad journey to watch his own company sabotage him in order to protect Bang PD's ego and artificially inflate Scooter Braun's value to the company.

[polkadotart]

Holy fuck commissions!?!?1/

I can do icons or full-body for the listed priced above or listed below:

icons: 10.00

fullbody: 25.00

what i will draw:

just about anything you want you can go beyond the provided listings if you want just be descriptive and be willing to communicate with me during the process i am patient though :)

what i won't draw:

Though i will not draw anything offensive or hateful i have the right to refuse to things that make me uncomfortable.

Payment?:

I use paypal/venmo/kofi I prefer payment after piece is finished

Do not use the commission tab on my kofi it's a wip also i like being contacted directly so please use tumblr to contact me or email me olyartcommissions@gmail.com or if you have another way you want us to talk please tell me.

more info below the cut! (please read if you are interested)

Ok finally a brand new commission post with (decent) examples on what i provide i guess!

You are more than welcome to look through my blog for finished pieces and you can also check the commission tag!

I mainly do payment through paypal/kofi/venmo all will be discussed after the piece has been finished and you are 99% satisfied with the piece i appreciate communication if you don't like said piece or want revisions done let me know i know it's hard to ask but i encourage it and it won't hurt my feelings!!!!!

I will draw just about anything regarding the topic and characters whether it is your own original character or from any fictional piece i will draw it. I draw furries, and i will do my best with some complicated designs given i can do my own spin on it (be sure to classify important characteristics if so). Provide a reference if i can't easily find one myself this goes mostly for original content which is a no brainer. I am open to making designs from written description but i need you to communicate and expect me to keep in touch during the process.

I provide a full-body for 25 dollars (tips appreciated!), which includes the character/object/subject in full with color. If you have a style in mind please provide an example from my blog on what you want so i know we are on the same page. Please be descriptive on what you want however if it doesn't matter please let me know i am more than willing to do whatever i want.

I also can do icons a smaller image of a character bust or object of your choosing for 10 dollars same rules apply to the full-body drawings and so on...

I can also animate which would be an extra 5 dollars for 3-5 frames usually to add a little bit of movement (will provide examples soon)

Given you want an extra character which i will put a limit of 2 atm which just doubles the original price so for a full-body: 50 dollars icon: 20 dollars.

I prefer you not use kofi to commission me that's a whole wip i don't really have the energy to worry about. So if you use kofi please use it for payment using the donation function.

[paula-of-christ]

really considering becoming catholic. the only thing holding me back is i haven’t gotten any paid posts on my dash telling me to

I can't tell if this was meant to be mean or not but lol

One of the reasons I paid for the post is because this blog is mostly serious. I joke around a bit with my mutuals, but I keep it relatively sane otherwise. I had a desire to support tumblr, and at the time had the financial means to pay the 5 or 10 dollars to blaze the post. It was a new and funky way to support tumblr, without paying a set amount every month (which I wouldn't necessarily be able to afford at the time). But, I also know that sometimes the only thing someone needs is a happenstance of a sign to look further into something like religion. I unfortunately made a grievous spelling error before checking my work, which is now immortalized on that post lol.

Overall, I think it's pretty on brand for me to 'trip upwards' so to speak. Plenty of people have told me they seriously looked into Catholicism, and it was the push they needed to look into their local parishes on my blog since that post. Usually anonymous and I've posted them all, so you can go back and see. I *am* sorry for any hurt that may have caused a few people, and its why I actually had canceled the blaze early, though I don't think anyone knew or realized I did. I'm happy for the people that I was able to help by posting it and since then posting resources for people that want to convert, and been able to encourage them in that.

But, I don't think I need to blaze the post again, I think it is still providing outreach to people that need it, and is able to be a source for people to follow to my blog should they need more encouragement. While not necessarily being the key reason someone converts, it was never meant to be that. It was meant to be the thing for people who were already thinking about it, to have confirmation that what their feeling is true. I paid for it monetarily -- and socially on this website, let's be real -- but I knew with a random algorithm of things, I was leaving it up to God to put it in front of people who needed it.

[anexistingexistence]

*Unintelligible (disappointed?) hand motions

I'm not proud of this thought I just had, not gonna lie-

I will preface this with: Apart from the cussing, I'm trying to keep this blog SFW, so feel free to interpret what comes next in whatever way you want, alright?

Alright. So,

Darlin can be absolutely vile and disgusting and it is only partially their own fault. Like, Sam has to change the sheets and pull their clothes off of them and throw them in the wash because they don't do it themself - Darlin only showers when Sam reminds them to, they only vacuum or mop the floor when Sam asks them to, and their toothbrush looks brand new.

Darlin never really learned self-care, which is why this is partially on them. But for the most part, this is Quinn's biggest impact on them.

While they were with Quinn, they put up with a lot of his weird shit, and Quinn was freakishly obsessed with all of them - their smell, their taste, their feeling- everything. After biting or cutting them, Quinn never treated the wounds and had Darlin bleed all over the sheets and those sheets stayed on the bed until the dried blood made them so crusty they had to be thrown out. Quinn kept their unwashed clothes and had them stay in sweaty, bled-through clothes because "every part of you is beautiful, precious, especially the work and pain you put your body through" and definitely not (cough sarcasm cough) because "I want your scent all over me even if other people think that it's absolutely unsanitary and vile."

Over time, Darlin just got used to it, and to a certain point adapted those (I spent far too long to find a synonym for fetish) habits as well. To them, it was just normal to be a complete and utter mess around their loved one, because it meant showing vulnerability to them. Not only that, but they also adapted to Quinn's thing of staying curled up in the sheets after some (I'm giving up on SFW istg-) nights with Sam.

Getting them to take proper care of themself and keeping them and their space clean is a work in progress, to say the least. But Sam doesn't mind.

David does, though. He can't stand their bad breath or that they always smell just bad. There is no other word for it they just smell bad, and sometimes they just smell like Sam the same way Amanda and Christian smelled like each other all the time because Darlin especially refuses to shower after they've been close to Sam. David is so done with this.

So yea, that's my weird and wonderful (?) thought for the day. I will now go and contemplate whether or not I will attempt to write a hurt/comfort fic based on this.

[use-your-telescope]

When Everything's Made to be Broken

Avenger!Loki x Avenger!OFC | Avengers AU | Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Angst with a Happy Ending

From their first meeting, Loki was drawn to the question of Theolene Amaris. Each time Loki swore he discovered the answer, a new question arose.

However, the question of Theo Amaris was not why he stayed.

Unlike Thor, who spent centuries with his brother, Theo only needed a sliver of time to break through Loki’s icy, guarded exterior. Sharp wit, keen intellect, and a knack for magic sparked the friendship, but with time Theo worked her way in, bearing witness to the wounds inflicted at a young age. She embraced the mangled mess of a monster that Loki had come to quietly loathe without question, making him feel worthy of standing among “Earth’s mightiest heroes.” Traces of her were in his blood, his bones, his every thought and dream, consuming him in a way that he never experienced before.

However, 72 hours passed since learning that Theo withheld a significant part of her identity, forcing Loki to question everything he thought he knew about the woman he loved.

It had been years of trying to answer the question that was Theolene Amaris...

… Just as Loki was on the verge of an answer, Theo was on the cusp of being torn away.

Chapters:

It's Still Not Quite the Way It Was

And You Have Every Right to be Scared

I'm Still Not Sure What I Stand For

I'm Not Sure if Anybody Understands

I'm Looking for a Sign

All That is Waiting For You

You Resist Me Just Like This

You're Just Business

Something So Brand New

What Keeps You Up at Night

Where I'm Hidden Away

Shiny Celebrity Skin

Things in Yourself that You Don't Understand

Underneath Your Regret

The Sky Turned Black

We Don’t Know What We’re Doing

It's a Curse, It's a Sure Sign

You Were in the Darkness, Too

Would You Count on Me?

Who Are Your Friends, Who Are Your Foes?

Coming soon

When Everything's Made to be Broken Playlist

Related One-Shots:

Together by this Christmas Tree (takes place in the mutually pining stage of the relationship) The Avengers have an annual tradition of a Secret Santa Gift Exchange, and Theo’s life becomes a real life Hallmark Movie when she draws Loki’s name and has to get him five days of gifts. Because shopping for a god and a prince, especially one that you have a massive crush on, is easy, right?!

On AO3, you can find me as @use_your_telescope

Note: The working title used to be "The Trickster" so if you see that on my blog, that's why! This is the same fic - it just has an actual title now