"I hired him with a bag of hot cheetos."
"You...hired who?" Joker asked, looking around.
"My bodyguard from my hometown. I hired him." The hostage said, actually sounding bored.
"...There's no one here but you and me, kiddo, and-"
"You and I, actually. His name is Phantom, and he's here right now. Bye."
Then the kid disappeared. Literally. Him, and the bomb he'd been strapped to.
Or; To soothe his parents about his decision to move to Gotham, Danny lied and said he'd bought Phantoms services as a bodyguard with a bag of hot cheetos.
Now, whenever he gets into trouble, he just goes invisible and intangible and nopes out.
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Jason: the Batfam member I see most as my brother is Tim
Dick: What!!! That's no fair, I should be your brotherly-ist brother!
Dick: No offense Timmy.
Dick, turning back to Jason: But I am the one who has been your brother longest, I helped you kill that druglord, I even gave you some of my cookie dough last week!
Bruce: uhhh, back to the druglord thing-
Steph: You shared your cookie dough with him!
Jason: Sorry Dick, but there is one thing that makes you brothers more than anything else, not blood, or time, but...
Jason and Tim at the same time: Contempt
Jason: I have contempt for Tim, like all siblings should. Really the only thing I love more than hating Tim is shit talking other people with Tim. That form of contempt is how siblings bond and I will just say, surprisingly I love bonding with Tim even more than I love terrorizing Tim
Tim: aww, I didn't know we were that close
Jason, panicking cause he doesn't wanna ruin their dynamic: *punches Tim in the gut and runs out*
Tim, shouting after him: You can't take it back now, you ass
Jason: *turns around while running to give Tim the middle finger*
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Dean's nothing about our lives is real speech? When he says "everything we are is because of chuck"? He was speaking privately & directly to Castiel when he said that.
Not to Sam. Not everything I am. Everything we are. Dean was having a full on crisis.
"You asked, 'What about all of this is real?' We are." Dean didn't know how right Cas was.
Like no baybee. It'll take 15 episodes, but god himself will tell you Cas defied him and his plan to love you, actually.
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sketchy leafpool design based on this little cat figure i used to play with as a kid
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This, no joke, may be one of my favourite fanfictions I’ve read.
Lugnut and Blitzwing shooting the shit; them getting involved in the nitty gritty of an earth woman’s crumbling life; then genuinely feeling sorry for her and wanting justice for her!
It’s just so fuckin funny. Please read @iliterallydecepticanteven ‘s fanfiction “Eat shit and live, Blitzwing”. It’s a treasure ✨
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A snippet from a future fic I'll probably never write, where Steve is a widower with two teenage kids, and he and Eddie randomly meet up, rekindling their old flame. This is when they've been together a while:
“Thank you,” Steve says, coming up behind Eddie at the bathroom sink.
Eddie pauses, catching Steve's eye in the mirror. “What for?” he asks, mouth foamy with toothpaste.
Steve slips his hands along Eddie's hips, hooks his chin over Eddie's shoulder. “For loving my kids.”
“You don't—” Toothpaste dribbles down Eddie's chin and he stoops to spit what's left in his mouth into the sink, gathering his hair to one side. He rinses his mouth out, wipes his face with a towel, then turns to Steve. “You don't have to thank me for that. Of course I love them.”
“Not everyone I've dated has.”
“They're idiots.” Eddie grabs the hem of Steve's shirt, pulling him close. “I mean, first of all, they're part of you, and I don't think I could love you and not love them. But...” He trails off, a small smile tilting his lips. “They're amazing kids.”
Pride swells in Steve's chest; he slides his arms around Eddie's waist and says, “They are.”
“And I'm pretty damn honored I get to be part of their lives,” Eddie says, “so thank you,” and he butts his head gently against Steve's.
Steve huffs and slides his hands up Eddie's back, pulling him into a tight embrace. “I love you.” He presses a kiss to Eddie's neck.
“I love you too.”
“And they both love you as well.”
Eddie lets out a shuddering breath. Steve knows how nervous Eddie was, when they started dating, that he wouldn't be welcomed, but it's almost like he's always been part of their family now. “Good to know,"”Eddie says.
Steve holds Eddie a little tighter. All those years ago, back in Hawkins, when they ended things, Steve thought he'd never see Eddie again. But here they are, together—a family—and Steve's never letting him go this time.
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