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mikalara-dracula · 3 years

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If the Sakamaki Brothers had a sister

Warning: 18+ content below; don't read if you're a minor or aren't comfortable with explicit content.

Song: Looking at Me - Sabrina Carpenter

Part 1/3 of Diabolik Lovers Sister AU Headcanons series. These are headcanons of each family (the S + M + T bros) in Diabolik Lovers having a sister, how it all intersects and plays out as a whole. The Mukami and Tsukinami versions will come out soon. Please don't steal -- (C) @mikalara-dracula and @liannelara-dracula

Oh my, if the Sakamakis had a sister, they would definitely be in for some drama.

In a realistic sense, she really wouldn’t have the greatest of a relationship with some of her brothers.

Obviously, she’s as powerful as them considering she’s a vampire.

Like them, she doesn’t care about anyone or anything, and is rather ruthless.

Due to her vampiric nature, she doesn’t have any humanity and is very set on revenge towards people who have wronged her in some way.

She isn’t a sadist, but she will make the person/people suffer if they crossed her.

She’s probably younger than Shu and Reiji but is older than everyone else, making her the third oldest.

Believe it or not, she's quite tall to be honest--5'10 actually.

Her name is probably something very old since she was born centuries ago. It’s definitely a name that Karl picked out. Some examples could be names like Lucrezia, Aurelia, Artemis, or Adelina.

But in the modern age, she goes by a simpler name. Since they live in Japan, she probably goes by a Japanese name to blend in like her brothers even tho that isn't her real name.

She’s Karl’s favorite child for sure, more than Shu actually.

She was probably the daughter of a mistress he had who he eventually got pregnant at some point.

At first, he wanted to dispose of the child, but after seeing it born, he had second thoughts and decided to keep her, but not have the mother be in the picture.

He most likely had her mother killed and came up with a story of what happened to her so he could later tell his daughter what happened to her mother when she got older and would ask--it of course all being his favor and making him look like the good guy.

As a child, he’d always spoil her and spend time with her.

He’ll literally do anything to keep her happy until now--she’s literally his pride and joy.

In fact, he values her so much that he never experimented on her once or involved her in any of the experiments he did on his sons.

This fact causes a lot of anger to be directed towards her by her brothers since they always rub it in that she’s his favorite when the going gets tough.

And these fights are usually provoked by the triplets or Subaru if they get into a touchy subject such as that.

And luckily, Reiji is there to break it up before things go too far.

Her relationship with her brothers honestly varies, that is, depending on who it is, she has a different bond or no bond with them at all.

She’s Reiji’s favorite sibling for sure.

Mostly because she’s smart, classy, and probably dabbles in many different things.

I see her mostly leaning towards the science-related fields and having a pretty big interest in them just like her big brother.

She calls Reiji ‘Rei’ for short and is the only one who can call him that.

Has a pretty close relationship with Shu and Reiji. She cares about them in different ways because they're not like the rest of her younger siblings, and in some way, they understand her. To be honest, they're honestly the ultimate trio when they team up for anything.

Since they were all born before the triplets and Subaru, they used to play a lot together as children and there was actually a point where Reiji and Shu got along.

Beatrix noticed what influence their sister had on them and even made her sons swear that they would protect her from any trouble, but it’s mostly because she figured it would make her look like a better wife and she couldn’t stand to see her grow up without manners.

Sometimes she even got her gifts and would have tea with her as she grew older. In a way, Beatrix ended up becoming a motherly figure for her, but this was all to make her look better in the eyes of Karl.

However, as Shu and Reiji got older things changed and their relationship as we know it, grew to be exhausted, even with their sister considering events that happened as the years went on, but yet, they still maintain a pretty good bond with their sister despite the ups and downs.

When she needs advice, she goes to either Shu or Reiji, but mostly seeks Shu for advice because he tells her to do whatever she wants versus where Reiji tells her to do what’s best for the family image.

With Shu, things are pretty carefree.

Like any big brother, he likes to tease her, especially if he knows she has a crush or if she's doing something she wants no one to know about, but of course, he won’t tell.

He likes to bother her and get on her nerves like any older brother typically does, and they exchange a lot of good banter even if they’re roasting each other.

If the banter becomes too much, she’ll throw some of her stuffed animals at him to make him leave, but of course, he just dodges them like an expert leaving him to laugh as she playfully attacks him further.

“You’re such an ass!” She’d say, only making him laugh more as she’d continue to throw other stuffed animals at him.

She teases him too if he has a crush on a girl, but he of course denies it.

She keeps a diary, and because he’s an ass, he'll read it--even aloud--just to annoy her but he won't tell anyone her thoughts, especially if it's about a boy that Reiji doesn’t like.

“Just don't tell, Reiji.” She’d remind, feeling embarrassed but also hoping that he wouldn’t.

“C'mon, we know how he gets. I honestly don't wanna deal with him.”

With Reiji tho, things are a lot different in comparison to Shu.

Since she’s Reiji’s favorite sibling, he likes to do a lot of things with her and makes exceptions for whenever she does something wrong whereas, with his brothers, he has no tolerance for any trouble they cause.

She’s the only one who’s allowed in his lab, and sometimes performs experiments with him or she just sits in his study and converses with him while he works.

They definitely enjoy having tea together.

Since Reiji projects a liking to German culture, she loves traveling to Germany with him.

In fact, during the years when WWII was taking place and because she and Reiji dabble in the sciences and medicine, they decided to help out wounded soldiers by being doctors in Germany.

They mostly did this for the sake of experience and to get away from everyone else at home, plus, they knew what they were doing and were actually the heads of their ward at the hospital.

She’s rarely home to be honest, sometimes being gone for months or years at a time, mostly because she’s busy being different people.

And what I mean by this is, like Karl, she possesses the power to change her appearance completely and be someone else. In fact, she possesses several other of her dad's powers as well.

In the anime, we see that Karl plays the role of a politician named Togo Sakamaki, so his daughter plays the role of many different figures in society like he does.

I could see her being many different things, such as a famous contemporary singer, a scientist who won a Nobel prize, a model, or a well-known author.

Throughout the centuries that she’s lived, she’s probably been different figures that went into history as well.

She probably knows several languages due to traveling so much, and through having a higher intelligence due to being a vampire, it didn’t take her long to learn them.

Overall, she’s been a big accomplishment, which makes her father very proud.

Through her having a lot of ambition like her father, it causes a lot of mischief/jealousy in the household, especially from Ayato since he was raised to believe that he’s better than everyone else. And with his sister accomplishing so much, it makes him feel challenged.

In general, she loves to travel and has traveled a lot throughout the centuries, mostly to get away from everyone and everything so she could avoid drama and steer clear of the toxicity of her household, especially when Cordelia was around.

With her being different people throughout the world, she usually only comes home when she wants a break from being someone else and wants to be herself and play the role of a normal high school girl for a while.

She definitely isn’t the type to take shit from anyone, especially her brothers.

She’s pretty sarcastic and her comebacks are rather cutthroat, like she isn’t afraid to get her point across, especially if she feels that her brothers or someone is out of line.

She has quite the temper if you vex her enough and definitely has a low bullshit tolerance.

Like Reiji, she hates imperfections but isn’t as picky as him. In fact, she tells him to calm down sometimes.

The triplets really love to mess with her, especially Laito and Ayato. Kanato will mostly just tell them to leave her alone, but will occasionally join in if he thinks that she’s been ‘unreasonable’ lately.

For example, there was once a time where she came home late and was about to walk up the stairs to her room, but that was until a certain trio decided to stop her.

“Fufu~, where have you been, dear sister? Having fun without the rest of us?” A certain fedora-wearing vampire would say, getting in her way, preventing her from walking any further.

“Out and about, what matter is it to you?” She’d retort.

Ayato would be quick to question, “Probably out with another guy, right?”

“My, coming home so late. Isn’t that quite scandalous?” Laito would comment.

“Yes, quite, for two who haven’t been out since the 1800s.”

Her brothers, mostly Laito and Ayato, give her a tough time about her achievements, saying that she's worse than Reiji when it comes to achieving things and that she tries too hard while she calls them lazy and stupid.

“It's not my fault you were brought into the world by a tramp.” She’d snap.

As for Laito himself, she has no tolerance for him, like none whatsoever. They got along pretty well as children, but as they got older, their bond definitely deteriorated.

One of the things that annoy her most is how he treats women, along with his view of them. At one point after everything that happened with his mom, she tried reaching out to him about it and told him that all women are not the same and not like his mother, but he’d of course tell her that she doesn’t understand and would walk away angrily.

And from there, their bond definitely took its downfall, reaching the point of where they just can’t stand each other now. He’s changed and he’s very different from the way he used to be, and she honestly hates that. Even though she’ll never admit it (mostly because none of her brothers would ever let her live it down), she honestly wishes he’d change, but knowing how far gone he is, she knows that’ll never happen, thus, allowing their severed bond to worsen as time goes by.

Since she can’t stand him, she won’t hesitate to revert to certain measures if he pushes her buttons and to be honest, he loves to do it at certain times.

For example, there was once a time where he brought a few girls over to the house that were basically all over him. He was being very flirty with them and they’re drinking and laughing together in the living room.

With them being loud and disturbing her, she decided to intervene and give them a piece of her mind. She’d walk into the living room with a furious face, approaching the couch he and the girls occupied, a few giggles still being exchanged, his fedora being off to demonstrate his carefreeness in this situation.

“Ah, dear sister, to what do I owe this pleasure?” He’d say, a wine glass in his hand.

“What in the hell is this?”

“What does it look like? I’m having a little gathering.” He’d smirk, the girls still all over him.

Having no patience, she’d retort, “Take your sexual escapades elsewhere, Laito. I'm no mood to have your little whores running around everywhere.”

“Fufu~, someone sounds tense. Have you not been getting any?”

“Get them out or else!” She'd say, being firm.

“Ah, there's no need to get antsy. Why don't you just relax and join us? A bit of wine should ease that temper of yours.”

To show that she had enough, she abruptly grabbed one of the girls and roughly bit into her neck, and soon threw her to the ground, causing the other girls to scream and run out of the mansion, along with the one she had bitten.

A disappointed look soon spread onto his face. “Now, was that really necessary? I’m afraid Reiji won’t be able to cover you considering what you just revealed to them.”

“I don't care. They’re drunk and as if anyone would believe them anyways.”

“Ahh,” he’d sigh standing up, soon walking away. “Just like Reiji, you always spoil the fun.”

“Hmph! Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She’d sass.

@liannelara-dracula and I have this theory that Laito’s bond with his sister varies on whether she’s older or younger than him. Due to Laito being a victim of his mother’s abuse, we’ve seen that he projects it onto others, so with him having a sister, he may seek the opportunity to take advantage of her.

We see that if she’s older, he won't try anything, but if she’s younger, let alone a full-blood sister, he’d definitely try to take advantage of her just like her mother did with him; and if she looks like Cordelia, he definitely wants to ruin her.

As for Kanato, their bond is definitely strained as of now. They used to get along as children, but it’s always been a tad bit strange since Kanato’s always been a bit of an oddball.

In the better days of their bond, they used to have tea parties together before Cordelia gave him Teddy.

Sadly, he pushed his sister away as he got older and she never understood why, mostly due to the trauma that he developed through being neglected by his mom.

He tells her that she abandoned and walked away from him but that wasn't the case. Due to him being delusional, he just likes to reverse the guilt and they sometimes have arguments about this.

Her and Ayato’s bond has definitely changed from when they were kids as well. Even though they don’t get along now, they actually used to be quite close.

As children, she actually used to set Ayato free from the bottom of the lake his mom put him in for punishment countless times. To avoid Cordelia’s wrath from punishing him further, she used to hide him from her throughout the mansion to protect him from her punishing him further since she rescued him.

They used to play sports together and she used to let him win just so he could feel good about himself and so he could impress his mom and not get punished or scolded for losing.

But later on with her accomplishing so much on her own, he grew to be jealous and pushed her away due to that reason. His mother probably had a lot to do with this as well since she’d always pressure him to go better whenever she’d hear about his sister’s accomplishments, causing their bond to deteriorate.

Like the triplets, her bond with Subaru is severed as well, but there are times where things can get sincere and heartfelt, especially if one of them is going through a hard time.

Since this is her baby brother, she was sort of his role model, at least, he found her to be as he was growing up.

She used to advise him about a lot of things and would explain a lot of things to him. He found her explanations interesting because we can see him being a curious child who wanted to learn despite the problems he had with his mother.

His sister remembers when he was born and how cute he was when she held him for the first time.

As a child, she used to pat his head a lot since she used to be taller when they were small. She even used to give him piggyback rides and he'd tell her to go fast as she'd run around the courtyard with him on her back.

She told herself she would protect him, but as he got older, he eventually pushed her away because he felt that he was a burden and that she was babying him too much.

Even though they don’t spend a lot of time together nowadays and have their spats, they both won’t hesitate to step in if one or the other needs help.

If he gets into a fight at school or any trouble at all, she's the one who scolds him about it. With this tho, he tells her to leave him alone and that he doesn't care and usually just ends up walking off since deep down, he doesn’t want their argument to get too ugly.

If Reiji scolds Subaru about anything tho, Subaru’s a lot meaner to him than he is to his sister, mostly because he sees that Reiji was never there for him growing up, whereas his sister was. He holds onto that, he really does.

In all honesty, she finds her brothers to be strange/weird, especially since she's productive and they don’t do much. She honestly can’t understand how they go on about their lives the way they do, she considers it ridiculous.

In a general sense, she's annoyed by her brothers' toxic masculinity since she's sort of a feminist and hates the idea of gender norms. They're from different times, so their perspectives are a lot different compared to how everyone thinks in the modern age. And with this, she definitely argues with Reiji about gender roles.

She’s the only one that knows how to fight out of all her brothers.

In the anime, we can see that Subaru possesses some fighting skills when he attacked Richter, but she’s on an entirely different level.

Like, she’s a total badass to be honest.

Definitely isn't afraid to physically fight any of her brothers either. In fact, there have been several times where she’s pinned Laito against the wall by his windpipe with his feet dangling because he’s pushed her too far. She’s even thrown some of them in the walls at times.

This reminds me of a certain bby car lol.

And of course, since she’s Reiji’s favorite sibling, he doesn’t scold her about it whereas with his brothers he would.

Regarding her father, their bond is honestly in the middle. Even though she is his favorite child, she doesn’t value that fact nor take advantage of it. In fact, she finds it annoying considering it makes some of her brothers jealous and they give shit to her about it.

She knows some of the wrong that he’s done, such as experimenting on her brothers in the past, and really dislikes that fact about him, but she knows there’s nothing she can do to change it because deep down, she knows it was wrong to do, especially since he only did it to them and never even abused her in such a way.

Will occasionally meet with her to discuss things and catch up over tea, such as talking about her accomplishments and how things have been going in general.

When meeting up, he will always get her some sort of gift, ranging from jewelry, rare paintings or artifacts, or supernatural objects that are only found in the demon world.

He doesn’t involve or tell her about any of his scientific plans. If she’s curious and asks, he’ll brush her off.

“I have it under control, my dear. There’s no need to worry.” He’d say, and would be quick to change the subject or dismiss her to go have fun.

He’ll dodge certain subjects if he doesn’t want her to know too much or nothing about it. If she questions something he doesn’t want her to know, he’ll be sly, vague, and instantly change the subject, giving her the indication that this conversation is over.

She may be his favorite, but if she crosses it with him, a punishment definitely awaits. He’s just more lenient with her than everyone else.

It’s been stated that no one knows Karl’s true form, and me and @liannelara-dracula think that she’s the only one who knows what her dad actually looks like and she’s able to recognize him from anywhere in any form--like she just knows while the rest of her brothers are easily fooled.

To be clear, Karl only keeps her happy as long as it’s to his benefit, that is, if it doesn’t threaten him or anything to the family name.

During the tea gatherings with him, he sometimes brings up the subject of marriage, but she does her best to dodge the subject because she knows that it would be arranged with some wealthy lord from the demon world and she’s simply not interested.

Karl’s patient with her wanting to stay single, but one day he’s going to force it upon her to get married, but of course, he’s going to do it in a way where she can’t hate him because the last thing he wants is for his favorite child to hate him.

Karl doesn't really want her to get married to someone she wants because he feels like he’ll lose control over her in some way since she’ll be in love and the guys that she likes are never what her father wants. The guy he’ll arrange her marriage with one day will definitely be on Karl’s side and it’s all to benefit him and the family name in every possible way.

With her future husband being on Karl’s side, she still falls underneath her father’s control and it will stay that way for an eternity, or at least until Karl desires it to be. In fact, if he deems it necessary, he will break up his daughter’s marriage, but of course, it’s only to benefit him in some way if he has some crazy idea in mind.

Apart from her father wanting to marry a suitor he picks out, she’s had a lot of lovers throughout the centuries, but none of these relationships ever ended well--some of them worse than others.

Her first love was a human, and it caused a lot of conflict with her family, more so, with Karl and Reiji since they didn’t like the fact that the guy didn’t have a title and that he was a mortal.

When all of this confrontation was going about, Shu advised her to be free and make her own decision on what she wanted and what they wanted it didn’t matter, but before she could decide, they took matters into their own hands and sabotaged her relationship by ending the guy’s life.

When she found out what they did, she was beyond furious and hurt considering they did such a thing. As crazy as it is, they believe that they did nothing wrong and told her that he wasn’t the one.

Time went on, and because time changes people’s perspectives, she moved on and loved others, but every single one was either killed or put in a really bad spot by Reiji or Karl.

She definitely has more flings now more than anything because she doesn't know what it's like to love at this point, she's just numb with pain. Plus, she also knows that any guy she would end up caring about will end up dead or in a bad place because of Reiji or her father.

And surprisingly, she’s actually forgiven Reiji and her father for what they’ve done to her in the past regarding her relationships considering it’s been centuries and that it was a thing of the past. Plus, they’ve managed to convince her that those were just phases she was going through, things that she’ll laugh at one day as time goes by.

As far as the anime goes, if we were to insert her in it, she wasn't shown in the first episode and probably came into the picture a few episodes in.

We see that when she came back, she was instantly bothered by the triplets and Reiji.

“I see you finally decided to come back. Any reason as to why you took this long?” Reiji would say, getting upset about the fact that she was gone for too long, which left him with all the responsibility to keep the house intact.

“Did you bring us anything? It'd be quite insensitive if you didn't.” Kanato would say.

“Yeah, what were you doing? Helping the chimps in Africa?” Ayato would sass, finding a way to jab at her accomplishments.

"Oh come now, Ayato, don't give dear sister such a hard time. We should be welcoming her and asking her if she met any cute guys on her journey. I'm all ears to talk about your sex life and if you got lucky." Laito would say, his typically smirk being evident.

“Dogs like you don’t have rendezvous, you have flings. You couldn’t possibly understand the topic of passion.” She’d snap.

She probably met Yui in the most unorthodox way, that is, by seeing one of her brothers biting her--that possibly being Ayato. From the look Yui displayed on her face, she knew she was uncomfortable and was instantly triggered from seeing such harassment projected to someone helpless.

Without warning, she’d be quick to pull her away from him, her figure falling her to the floor abruptly, roughly sending him to the ground a few feet away from the both of them.

“That is no way to treat a woman.” She’d hiss, looking down on him.

“Tch! What the fuck?! You honestly have some nerve to mess with yours truly!” He’d snap, being quick to get up and swing a punch at her, but she’d easily grab him by his wrist, twist it, and pin his hands behind his back so he can’t move, his body struggling to move against her strength.

“I wouldn’t be one to talk, Ayato.” She’d say, holding him in place.

“Why you!”

“Now, go back to your room like the dog you are.” She’d sneer.

“Tch! Whatever! You’re such a buzzkill like Reiji.” He’d say, her grip soon loosening as he’d be quick to disappear, feeling beyond humiliated.

Yui was shocked, her figure still on the ground recovering, she looked up at her, noticing she was about to walk away, but with Yui being curious, she couldn’t help but say, “W-wait! Thank you for saving me.”

She’d turn to her, only to say, “You’re welcome I suppose. Us girls have to stick together and protect each other after all.”

She would turn again, being ready to leave, but Yui wanted answers. “Um, if I may ask, who are you exactly?”

She took a moment to respond, almost finding it embarrassing to say that that sick fuck she saved her grom was one of her brothers. She’d sigh, “I guess no one’s told you of me, but I suppose it’d be rude if I didn’t tell you who I was. I’m [name], the third oldest of this household and the sister of those six idiots, unfortunately.”

A moment of silence would quickly grow, her figure trying to walk away again, but Yui still persisted, “Wait! But you’re a vampire too, right? Aren’t you going to suck my blood like them?”

“Ew, no! I’m not into drinking from something my brothers have been using and sharing, that's beneath me.”

Shu once said to Yui that Ayato could be a possessive freak, but she on the other hand explicitly warned Yui and didn’t sugarcoat anything regarding Ayato’s possessive nature like her brother did.

“My brother's a possessive fuck. Try your best to stay away from him cuz he only brings trouble.” She’d advise.

In a general sense, she will pull Yui away from her brothers if they're harassing her, but doesn't go out of her way to help her, it's just if she sees it she'll intervene.

“This is how you're going to be treated by them if you stay here, so do the smart thing and leave.” She’d say.

She does nurse Yui back to health sometimes if they've taken too much blood and Reiji kind of gets upset with her about this, telling her it’s stupid to help a mortal, but she doesn’t care. As she told Yui before, girls have to help each other out, remember?

Will occasionally give Yui advice about things and how to steer clear of her brothers and might even teach her a few moves. They sometimes have girl talks, but not very often and she might enjoy having some tea with her from time to time.

She sees her as a victim of her father's power when she realizes why she's actually there and feels sorry for her, but sadly, she can't do anything about it.

In her talks with Yui, if Yui asks about anything regarding her brothers, she’s an open book to her. She doesn’t care and won’t sugarcoat anything.

Reiji of course gets mad at his sister since he doesn’t want her to spill any family secrets, but she doesn’t care.

“Well, since she’s going to live here, she should know.” She’d tell him.

Although, if Yui questions something about Karl or herself (something too personal), she’ll try to cover it up and be vague about it, and of course, she’ll be quick to change the subject.

Might give Yui some of her clothes and help her pick clothes for certain events if Reiji’s busy and can’t get to it.

Whenever having to save Yui, she usually ends up taking her away from Ayato most of the time since he seems to drink from her the most. Whenever she intervenes and ruins his fun, it really annoys him, but he doesn't argue too much because he knows he'll get beat up.

“Ugh, would it kill you to leave this girl alone?!” She’d retort. “Have you no decency?! Shame on you!”

At school she likes to ruin Laito's chances of getting with girls because she finds it amusing, but mostly because she knows that he'll just use them and throw them away later on.

Remember the thing of girls protecting each other? This is one of those times.

In general, she likes to keep herself in shape by working out, is probably part of the cheerleading squad at school (if they have one at their school in DL), and plays a sport at their school as well.

She’s definitely popular, and kinda rules over the school; and is kind of a mean girl in some aspects. Due to her being popular, she has her own group of followers.

She doesn't have any human friends tho, mostly because of the experience she had with her first lover and because of the vampiric belief that humans are only food.

A lot of guys like her and try to throw themselves at her, but as if she’d ever give them a chance. Girls on the other hand wish to be her and do try to scheme things against her, but she’s too smart and won’t hesitate to put them in place or ruin their lives at school if they cross her.

She’s a third-year student like her brother Reiji and definitely an honors student.

With excelling so much at school, she’ll TA (acting as a teacher’s assistant for the younger students) or hold SI (supplementary instruction) sessions for a family image.

Like her brothers, she’s drop-dead gorgeous and she definitely isn’t afraid to express her confidence. In fact, she even adjusts/modifies her uniform to make it a little sexy but not to the point where she’d get dress-coded.

Returning to the subject of being a badass, she definitely brought in some action when Richter showed up at the end of season one.

After Subaru attempted an attack on him, Richter got distracted due to him feeling haughty about the fact that Subaru couldn’t didn’t fulfill his attack. With this, their sister saw an opportunity and sneakily seized him.

Being so taken back by her surprise attack, he’d probably comment, “Huh, not bad. At least you’re not a wimp like the rest of them . . . but everyone’s always known that.”

Before Ayato got involved, she definitely caused some damage to him, mostly cause she can't stand him like the rest of them, the one thing they all have in common.

She honestly felt bad when Yui stabbed herself and wished she could have stopped her in time. Luckily tho, she made it through the awakening as we all know.

All of the boys did have an ending quote they said to Yui, so she of course gave a message to Yui as well.

“Honestly, what are you still doing here? I thought I told you to run. Do you value yourself at all? Giving yourself up to six idiots who don't deserve you? My brothers are ruthless I’ll have you know. I honestly don't understand why mortals can be so foolish sometimes . . . but I suppose that's what makes them so interesting.”

Note: Wow! If you made it this far, thanks for reading! :)) We might make a part 2 regarding season 2 and other aspects we may have forgotten to mention and because Tumblr has a limit of 250 bullet points lol. xDD

#diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers heacanons #shu sakamaki #shuu sakamaki #sakamaki shu #sakamaki shuu #reiji sakamaki #sakamaki reiji #laito sakamaki #sakamaki laito #kanato sakamaki #sakamaki kanato #ayato sakamaki #sakamaki ayato #subaru sakamaki #sakamaki subaru #anime #anime headcanons #anime requests

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diavolosthots · 3 years

Note

I saw the amazing fic about about Diavolo meeting his mc’s strict religious parents. Could you maybe do that with Lucifer too?

Yes! I actually had a lot of fun with this. I went ahead with Christianity on this since it was the easiest

Warning: religious... Assholes?

...And I was there (LUCIFER X GN!READER)

Religion. He scoffs at the concept; at the belief in someone greater than yourself. As the avatar of pride, he believes there’s nothing and no one greater than one’s self. Besides, he knows it’s just a sick way for his father to gain recognition he never got from his children, or at least not enough. Why worship an entity who pulled you into existence literally for his own amusement? For his own sick pleasure? God doesn’t care; he never did. And as a former angel, as the former favorite, he should know that. He does know that. So he doesn’t quite understand that aspect of humanity and he thinks it’s ridiculous that you’re getting worried about what your family might think of him.

“Lucifer, you’re literally a demon. Your name screams red flag to any religious family, and you’re also like… super tall with dark hair and red eyes. They’re going to be scared.” He scoffed, “You weren’t scared.” You rolled your eyes, “yes, but I’m also a dumbass. You can’t compare years of deep rooted religion to someone like me, who has an open mind and was quite literally thrown into hell for an exchange program.” Really, he hated even having this discussion with you. He told you before that one thing he would never do is change himself to appease someone, especially someone he doesn’t even know, but for some reason you still found the need to try and ask him right before you showed up at your parents’ house with him.

“Sorry, darling but I wo---!” The front door opened, revealing your mom who first looked at him and then back at you, smiling happily and taking you into her arms, “(Y/N)! We missed you!” You smiled softly, hugging her back, and silently praying that Lucifer won’t do something idiotic, although you could almost bet on it, “I missed you too. Mom, this is my boyfriend,” Lucifer smiled, his red eyes holding a mischievous glint behind them as he took your mom’s hand in his and kissed the back of her hand. You rolled your eyes; show off. “Nice to meet you madame, my name is Lu--!” “Luke. His name is Luke.” you intervened, smiling sweetly and taking his other hand, dragging him inside, “is dad here?”

Lucifer narrowed his eyes behind you, but he didn’t say anything. Not yet. “He should be back any minute. He went to get takeout so we could all enjoy some food while we got to know each other.” Your mom smiled up at Lucifer, slowly taking in how tall he actually is, “oh my! Aren’t you a giant!” “actually ma’am I’m a de---!” “Decent sized fellow who had good luck in the gene pool!” You laughed softly, yanking him down to sit beside you on the sofa while he glared at you out of the corner of his eyes. “Apparently so!” Your mom laughs softly, “would you like something to drink, Luke? A glass of water? Wine?” Lucifer smiled softly, “water is fine, thank you,” and watches your mother leave before turning to you, “You’re lying to them. I told you before that I won’t create a fake persona to appease anyone and you ignored that. You can be glad we’re not home right now beca--!” “Honey, where are you?” a man called out and he scoffed silently at realizing it’s your dad, who walked in with a few bags of take out.

“Daddy!” You jumped up, going to hug the man in front of you and Lucifer swallowed thickly; you call him daddy too. He stood up, smiling softly and holding out his hand to the man in front of him, “A pleasure to meet you, sir, my name is Lu---!” “Luke! He’s my boyfriend and he wanted to meet you guys!” He growled lowly, barely audible, as you interrupted him a second time. Your father raised an eyebrow, looking Lucifer up and down. He was well dressed, your father had to admit, and he seemed to have manners… He reluctantly put his hand in Lucifer’s, giving it a firm shake which the demon returned. “Firm grip, son. I like that.” Son? Lucifer didn’t particularly like that. “Sit down. I got chinese so we could all get to know each other.”

After everyone gathered at the table and started on their portions, you felt the tension in the air grow, knowing that there’s questions weighing on your parents’ minds. “So.. Luke. There a reason you’re dressed like Dracula or are you into cosplay or something?” Lucifer paused for a second, almost going to sass back at your father but a hand on his thigh reminded him to be nice. He shook his head firmly, “no. I suppose it’s just my style. I have been told by several tailors throughout the cent---.... The years that black and shades of red suit me well. It brings out my eyes and it holds a sense of seriousness to me, which is important in the business world.” Your mother’s face lit up, “so you’re a businessman?” Lucifer slowly nodded, “yes. I hold the manager position if you will.” “At what company?” You silently cursed your dad; how could he find a way out of this. “Modlived. We create weapons. It’s a private company, not meant for the general market and thus I can’t speak much of it.” Did he just… flip the devildom name and make a fake company? Smart. Your mother seemed to smile even more, giving you the ‘wow’ mom look at which you rolled your eyes.

“Hm.. interesting. Well, Luke, you seem like quite the catch.” Lucifer mentally cringed but opted for a soft smile instead, “thank you, sir.” “But there’s one thing.” Lucifer already knew. He knew the minute he walked into the house and everything seemed full of bright colors and bible verses; crosses on the wall and statues of angels that would never look like humans depicted them, “yes?” “Are you religious? We want our little angel with a nice christian man after all” This time he actually scoffed; if only they knew what an ‘angel’ you were. “No. I am not religious.” You watched your mother place her hand on your dad’s shoulder who obviously doesn’t seem amused. “No? Any particular reason?” “I just know that the man upstairs could care less about any of the people on this planet and his little ‘angels’ are nothing more than frauds who can’t seem to think for themselves and instead, find the need to follow every little one of daddy’s little orders.”

You dropped your fork; wrong answer. You turned to look at Lucifer with wide eyes; and he was doing so good too! “Lu--” “No, darling, it’s quite alright.” Your father glared at Lucifer, standing up, “No. It’s not alright. I might have been able to accept your lack of faith, but I will not tolerate you pissing on my religion, boy.” Oh.. You could feel the anger underneath Lucifer’s skin and you were thankful he was so easy to control it. Lucifer stood up, glaring back, “I am not a ‘boy’, as you so kindly put it, and my name isn’t Luke; It’s Lucifer. I should know what I’m talking about, considering I knew the man personally.” your mother let out a gasp at his name, still hoping it’s some kind of joke, “Luke, I don’t know what kind of game you think you’re playing bu---” Lucifer let out a sigh, “humans. For a species who believes something that was written down thousands of years ago by a few illiterate idiots, you fail to believe in things that are right in front of you.” He looks straight behind your dad, making the window explode and your mom shriek.

“What the-- Are you really the devil?!” Lucifer silently groaned but opted to roll his eyes instead, “No. My name is Lucifer and for some reason you humans can never get that right. The devil is a whole different person.” Your mom clung to your dad and you tugged on Lucifer’s shirt, “g-get out.” Your dad tried to sound stern but you knew he was just as scared looking into Lucifer’s red eyes right now. “Gladly. Thank you for the food and I’ll be taking what’s mine.” Before anyone could say anything, he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, walking out to the sounds of your parents screaming for you to come back.

The next thing you knew, you were back in the Devildom and on your own two feet, “Luke? Really? You couldn’t have made Lucien or Lucas or anything like that out of my name?” He pouts softly but you were trying to be angry at him, “Lucifer! You were supposed to go along with it and have a nice meal with my parents an--.” “Lie. You wanted me to live a lie. I told you before I refuse to change myself for anyone; I am proud of who I am.” You rolled your eyes and turned your head but he caught your chin in his hand and brought your face back to look at him, “My name is Lucifer and just like your ignorant parents, you best make sure to remember that, Darling.”

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #obey me lucifer #lucifer x mc #lucifer obey me #shall we date lucifer #obey me lucifer x reader #lucifer avatar of pride #lucifer x y/n #lucifer x reader #religion

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stellar-lune · 3 years

Text

*KOTLC incorrect quotes*

Anyways, a long list of incorrect KOTLC quotes, feel free to use these for anything if ya want!

Glimmer: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

Fitz: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.

Fitz: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

Keefe, holding up his class notes: And then this doodle of a burrito because when I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like “Chipotle”.

Marella, in shock: Wait a minute, is it “Chip-o-tottle”?

Sophie: I wasn't hurt that badly. Elwin said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.

Marella: I choose to waive that right!

Marella: *screaming*

Brant (whoops sorry bout this one): Do not come over to my house. If the house is on fire you may knock once, if I don’t answer assume I set the fire and I want to burn to death.

Sophie: I would never say that my best friend is a bitch and I don’t like her. That’s not true… Biana is a bitch and I like her very much!

Lex, Bex, Rex: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

Keefe on Tuesday: *glues a dime to the sidewalk* Heh heh heh.

Keefe on Wednesday: *walking down the street* Ooh hey! A dime!

Forkman, to the squad: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

Keefe, tearing up the room: Where are they?

Keefe, looking under a pillow: Who moved them? Who moved my children?

Keefe: Somebody moved my E.L. Fudges, and now I am going to run away again.

Tam: Your existence is confusing.

Keefe: How so?

Tam: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to you upsets me.

Sophie: I have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking.

Linh: I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by an spontaneous musical number.

Dex: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

Sophie: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Sophie, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

Dex, to Stina: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

Sophie: My life isn't as glamourous as my wanted poster makes it look.

Dex: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one, Wonderboy.

Marella: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

Fitz: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."

*out grocery shopping*

Linh: *takes a free sample twice*

Linh: Robbery and fraud. I am a Rebel (TM) .

Sophie: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices.

Sophie: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.

Sophie: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Tam: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

Dex: So, according to my university, it is, quote, “my responsibility if there is an internet outage to contact the faculty and the department.”

Dex: Now, if you’re a critical thinker like me, you might be wondering one thing.

Dex: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EMAIL THE DEPARTMENT?!?!?!

Tam: Hey, what’s the name of the other guy who lives with Tiergan?

Linh: His cats' names are Walter and Rose.

Tam: That's not what I asked.

Linh: That is all the information I have.

Keefe: Ro, remember when you said you weren’t going to interfere with my love life?

Ro: No, that doesn’t sound like me at all.

(alternatively, Alden)

Linh: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!?

Tam, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

Marella: I'd roast you, but my mom says you can't burn trash.

Marella: *slow-mo walks out of the room*

Biana: I'm gonna get my piolet's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses.

Fitz: The big five licenses?

Biana: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and… license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.

Dex: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.

Fitz: Well, that’s just your personal opinion, I don’t have anger issues. Biana, do you think I have anger issues?

Biana: Well, I wouldn’t really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.

Keefe: So how’s the food Sophie made?

Fitz: It's great! Compliments to her.

Keefe: *goes to the kitchen*

Keefe: You're adorable.

Sophie: *blushes*

Biana: And now for a gay update with Linh and Marella.

Marella: Getting gayer.

Biana: Thank you, Marella.

Sophie: Hey, do you know the password to Keefe’s computer?

Biana: I love you, Sophie.

Sophie: Aww, that’s so swe—

Biana: No, you misunderstood, the password is "iloveyouSophie".

Sophie: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Fitz: Hey, Biana, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?

Biana: Yeah.

Fitz: And you, Tam?

Tam: Umm... yes?

Fitz: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!

Biana: Did he just-

Sophie: Do you cook?

Biana: I made a cake once.

Fitz: Yeah, it was good.

Biana: Really?

Fitz: Don’t make me lie twice, Biana.

Dex: Nice rock.

Keefe: Thanks, Tam gave it to me.

Tam: I threw it at you!

Keefe: Isn’t he the sweetest?

Juline: I just had a long talk with the triplets about hitting and now they are yelling “it’s my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence” before hitting each other.

Sophie: I made you all playlists!

Sophie: Tam, yours has only heavy metal and punk, and is dark like your soul.

Sophie: Keefe, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.

Sophie: And Biana has the ABBA Gold album.

Fitz: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

Biana: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.

Dex: A realist sees a freight train.

Tam: The train driver sees three idiots standing on train tracks.

Mr. Forkle: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Biana, Keefe, & Sophie: Okay.

Mr. Forkle: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

Biana: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Keefe: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

Sophie: Bold of you to assume I can die.

Sophie: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Keefe: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

Dex: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Marella: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

Biana: What’s it like being tall?

Marella: Is it nice?

Sophie: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Fitz: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Stina: You have friends and I envy that.

Marella: You're welcome to share my friends.

Stina: *looks at Dex and Sophie*

Stina: I don't want those.

Della: Tommorrow's garbage day.

Fitz: I can't believe you made a whole day dedicated to Alvar.

Linh: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.

Tam: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Linh: Th-that's not how that works-

Marella: Do you want to know your gay name?

Linh: My... my gay name?

Marella: Yeah, it's your first name-

Linh: Haha. Very funny Marella-

Marella: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.

Linh: Oh- oh my god.

Glimmer: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

The Black Swan: Those are wanted posters!

Biana: Are you mad?

Tam: No.

Biana: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

Keefe: Astrology is fun because i can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Gemini and not symptoms of mental illness.

Biana: Being a Gemini is a mental illness. That’s not hate it’s just a fact.

Biana: *on the phone* Hey Fitz, do you know my blood type?

Fitz: Of course, it's A+.

Biana: Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-!

Fitz, to Sophie: Are you ready to commit?

Sophie: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Literally Anyone: Hey, aren’t you Sophie Foster?

Sophie: You a Councillor?

Literally Anyone: No.

Sophie: Then yes, I am.

Sophie: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway.

Stina:

Sophie: Vroom vroom, come out already.

Stina: I’m gay—

Sophie: Not what I meant, but cool.

Keefe: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset?

Sophie: No, I said "Keefe, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

Mr. Forkle: I’m not so sure you’re stakeout material.

Sophie: I’m a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.

Juline: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

Marella: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*

Marella: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

Biana: Maybe the true treasure was friendship all along. But I hope not, because I can’t spend friendship on new clothes

Dex: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Fitz: Sure!

Fitz: Whats your favorite color?

Dex, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

#kotlc shitpost #kotlc incorrect quotes #kotlc memes #kotlc sophie #kotlc dex #kotlc fitz #kotlc marella #kotlc linh #kotlc biana #kotlc tam #kotlc glimmer #kotlc black swan #kotlc neverseen

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nealiios · 3 years

Text

The Supernatural 70s: Part I - Corruption of An Innocent

"We're mutants. There's something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us - we're soldiers writers."

-- with apologies to the screenwriter of "Stripes"

Dear reader, I have the darkest of revelations to make to you, a truth when fully and wholly disclosed shall most assuredly chill you to the bone, a tale that shall make you question all that you hold to be true and good and holy about my personal history. While you may have come in search of that narrative designer best known for his works of interactive high fantasy, you should know that he is also a crafter of a darker art, a scribbler of twisted tales filled with ghosts, and ghouls, and gargoyles. I am, dear innocent, a devotee of horrors! Mwahahahaha!

[cue thunderclap, lightning, pipe organ music]

Given the genre of writing for which most of you know me, I forgive you if you think of me principally as a fantasy writer. I don't object to that classification because I do enjoy mucking about with magic and dark woods and mysterious ancient civilizations. But if you are to truly know who I am as a writer, you must realize that the image I hold of myself is principally as a creator of weird tales.

To understand how and why I came to be drawn to this sub-genre of fantastic fiction, you first must understand that I come from peculiar folks. Maybe I don't have the Ipswich look, or I didn't grow up in a castle, but my pedigree for oddity has been there from the start. My mother was declared dead at birth by her doctor, and often heard voices calling to her in the dead of night that no one else could hear. Her mother would periodically ring us up to discuss events in our lives about which she couldn't possibly have known. My father's people still share ghost stories about a family homestead that burned down mysteriously in the 1960s. Even my older brother has outré memories about events he says cannot possibly be true, and as a kid was kicked off the Tulsa city bookmobile for attempting to check out books about UFOs, bigfoot, and ESP. It's fair to say I was doomed - or destined - for weirdness from the start.

If the above listed circumstances had not been enough, I grew up in an area where neighbors whispered stories about a horrifically deformed Bulldog Man who stalked kids who "parked" on the Old North Road near my house. The state in which I was raised was rife with legends of bigfoots, deer women, and devil men. Even in my childhood household there existed a pantheon of mythological entities invented explicitly to keep me in line. If I was a good boy, The Repairman would leave me little gifts of Hot Wheels cars or candy. If I was being terrible, however, my father would dress in a skeleton costume, rise from the basement and threaten to drag me down into everlasting hellfire (evidently there was a secret portal in our basement.) There were monsters, monsters EVERYWHERE I looked in my childhood world. Given that I was told as a fledgling writer to write what I knew, how could anyone have been surprised that the first stories I wrote were filled with the supernatural?

"The Nightmare" by John Henry Fuseli (1781)

My formative years during the late sixties and early seventies took place at a strange juncture in our American cultural history. At the same time that we were loudly proclaiming the supremacy of scientific thought because we'd landed men on the moon, we were also in the midst of a counter cultural explosion of interest in astrology, witchcraft, ghosts, extra sensory perception, and flying saucers. Occult-related books were flying off the shelves as sales surged by more than 100% between 1966 and 1969. Cultural historians would come to refer to this is as the "occult boom," and its aftershocks would impact popular cultural for decades to come.

My first contact with tales of the supernatural were innocuous, largely sanitized for consumption by children. I vividly remember watching Casper the Friendly Ghost and the Disney version of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I read to shreds numerous copies of both Where the Wild Things Are and Gus the Ghost. Likely the most important exposure for me was to the original Scooby Doo, Where Are You? cartoon which attempted to inoculate us from our fears of ghosts and aliens by convincing us that ultimately the monster was always just a bad man in a mask. (It's fascinating to me that modern incarnations of Scooby Doo seem to have completely lost this point and instead make all the monsters real.)

ABOVE: Although the original cartoon Scooby Doo, Where Are You? ran only for one season from 1969 to 1970, it remained in heavy reruns and syndication for decades. It is notable for having been a program that perfectly embodied the conflict between reason and superstition in popular culture, and was originally intended to provide children with critical thinking skills so they would reject the idea of monsters, ghosts, and the like. Ironically, modern takes on Scooby Doo have almost entirely subverted this idea and usually present the culprits of their mysteries as real monsters.

During that same time, television also introduced me to my first onscreen crush in the form of the beautiful and charming Samantha Stevens, a witch who struggles to not to use her powers while married to a frequently intolerant mortal advertising executive in Bewitched. The Munsters and The Addams Family gave me my first taste for "goth" living even before it would become all the rage in the dance clubs of the 1980s. Late night movies on TV would bring all the important horror classics of the past in my living room as Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolf Man, the Invisible Man, the Phantom of the Opera, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, and Godzilla all became childhood friends. Over time the darkened castles, creaking doors, foggy graveyards, howling wolves, and ever present witches and vampires became so engrained in my psyche that today they remain the "comfort viewing" to which I retreat when I'm sick or in need of other distractions from modern life.

ABOVE: Elizabeth Montgomery starred in Bewitched (1964 - 1972) as Samantha Stephens, a witch who married "mortal" advertising executive Darren Stephens (played for the first five seasons by actor Dick York). Inspired by movies like I Married a Witch (1942) and Bell, Book and Candle (1958), it was a long running series that explored the complex relationship dynamics between those who possess magic and those who don't. Social commentators have referred to it as an allegory both for mixed marriages and also about the challenges faced by minorities, homosexuals, cultural deviants, or generally creative folks in a non heterogeneous community. It was also one of the first American television programs to portray witches not as worshippers of Satan, but simply as a group of people ostracized for their culture and their supernatural skills.

Even before I began elementary school, there was one piece of must-see gothic horror programming that I went out of my way to catch every day. Dark Shadows aired at 3:30 p.m. on our local ABC affiliate in Tulsa, Oklahoma which usually allowed me to catch most of it if I ran home from school (or even more if my mom or brother picked me up.) In theory it was a soap opera, but the show featured a regular parade of supernatural characters and themes. The lead was a 175 year old vampire named Barnabas Collins (played by Johnathan Frid), and the show revolved around his timeless pursuit of his lost love, Josette. It was also a program that regularly dealt with reincarnation, precognition, werewolves, time travel, witchcraft, and other occult themes. Though it regularly provoked criticism from religious groups about its content, it ran from June of 1966 until it's final cancellation in April of 1971. (I would discover it in the early 1970s as it ran in syndication.) Dark Shadows would spin off two feature-length movies based on the original, a series of tie-in novels, an excellent reboot series in 1991 (starring Ben Cross as Barnabas), and a positively embarrassingly awful movie directed by Tim Burton in 1991.

ABOVE: Johnathan Frid starred as Barnabas Collins, one of the leading characters of the original Dark Shadows television series. The influence of the series cannot be understated. In many ways Dark Shadows paved the way for the inclusion of supernatural elements in other soap operas of the 1970s and the 1980s, and was largely responsible for the explosion of romance novels featuring supernatural themes over the same time period.

While Dark Shadows was a favorite early television program for me, another show would prove not only to be a borderline obsession, but also a major influence on my career as a storyteller. Night Gallery (1969-1973) was a weekly anthology television show from Rod Serling, better known as the creator and host of the original Twilight Zone. Like Twilight Zone before it, Night Gallery was a deep and complex commentary on the human condition, but unlike its predecessor the outcomes for the characters almost always skewed towards the horrific and the truly outré. In "The Painted Mirror," an antiques dealer uses a magic painting to trap an enemy in the prehistoric past. Jack Cassidy plots to use astral projection to kill his romantic rival in "The Last Laurel" but accidentally ends up killing himself. In "Eyes" a young Stephen Spielberg directs Joan Crawford in a story about an entitled rich woman who plots to take the sight of a poor man. Week after week it delivered some of the best-written horror television of the early 1970s.

In retrospect I find it surprising that I was allowed to watch Night Gallery at all. I was very young while it was airing, and some of the content was dark and often quite shocking for its time. Nevertheless, I was so attached to the show that I'd throw a literal temper tantrum if I missed a single, solitary episode. If our family needed to go somewhere on an evening that Night Gallery was scheduled, either my parents would either have to wait until after it had aired before we left, or they'd make arrangements in advance with whomever we were visiting to make sure it was okay that I could watch Night Gallery there. I was, in a word, a fanatic.

ABOVE: Every segment of Night Gallery was introduced by series creator Rod Serling standing before a painting created explicitly for the series. Director Guillermo del Toro credits Serling's series as being the most important and influential show on his own work, even more so than the more famous Twilight Zone.

#horror #70s #occult #supernatural #television #writing

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chaosrealm-mk-imagines · 4 years

Note

do fluffy headcanons with your favorite characters

It shall be my pleasure! Thanks for the request and hope you like it~~

Kenshi

- He loves touching people to feel them, it’s a strange feeling and he only does that with the ones he love and care about, his touch is soft and delicate.

- Kenshi has a hard time reading people when they’re too emotional because he senses their feelings and it clouds his judgement

- He asks his S/O to help him when shaving his beard, he likes the feeling of someone else taking care of him

- Has a weak spot for cuddling and listening to his S/O voice whispered

Quan Chi

- The necromancer has a weak spot for skeletons and think they’re cute, he oftenly adorns them with pretty accessories and talks to them about his feelings

- Quan Chi is self conscious about being bald and wishes he had hair, his S/O needs to tell him that it’s okay to be hairless and that he don’t need a wig to be handsome

- When he readed about Earthrealm culture he interpreted everything literally and truly thought that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Queen of England were real beings

- His pet Puggles sleeps with him at his coffin, besides being a bat he acts pretty much like a puppy with his master

Shinnok

- He is a big fan of gothic literature and has Edgar Allan Poe as a revenant to write stories about him, he also thinks that Dracula by Bram Stoker is about him and no one can tell him otherwise

- Shinnok is not used to feeling emotions so he can be really sensible with some things, he cries watching romance movies and may have a human disguise known as Gary Oldman

- If his S/O asks him for something, he will imediatly gave them no matter what it’s. Do you want a deceased person back? Done! Do you wish for a new computer? Done! Do you want your favorite artist as a undead slave for all eternity? Done!

- He likes cats and has a familiar that is a beautiful black persian one which he calls “Lucifer” as a way of mock the old Netherrealm ruler.

Mileena

- Loves pet names and has a weak spot for being called “Darling” or “Honey”, she enjoys thinking that her life is a fairy tale and no one can take that from her

- She smells like a mix of blood and roses, it’s a weird mix but it fits her, her hair is soft and has a sweet scent to it too. Mileena has a beauty routine that includes long baths and a lot of body lotion.

- Mileena gave names to her weapons, her infamous favorite pair of Sai are called “Romeo and Juliet” as a reference to a love story she heard so many people from Earthrealm talk about, she has the habit of naming most of her stuff

- Being a childish person she’s fond of playing around with kids, it’s not hard to see her in the middle of a tag game with children

Raiden

- Can’t understand sarcasm and that makes him sound like a goofy, most of the time he won’t get the jokes and laughs at himself for that, he does has a lot to learn from mortals

- When his hair is loose he looks younger and blushes a lot when someone says that he should show his hair more times, he’s not used to compliments and has no idea of how to accept them

- He likes watching childs cartoons when he’s not busy at Earthrealm, it’s a kind of entertainment that catches his attention and he can’t understand why Johnny is mocking him for that, his favorite cartoon is classic Scooby Doo show because he loves the idea of a talking dog helping to discover mysteries

- Raiden thought that the movies were real when he first watched one, he needed a lot of explanation to learn how they were filmed and that it was only fiction

Fujin

- His time at Earthrealm made him really fond of bad puns, this boy can’t keep his mouth shut when someone gives him the opportunity to make a joke, he needs to learn that it’s not okay to make a joke during a funeral

- May take things too literally and need help understanding metaphors, after that he will only speak in riddles and good luck trying to make him act like a normal person again

- Asks his S/O for help to braid his hair, he finds it odd that Cassie is calling him “Rapunzel” and has to ask who is this so called person, after he reads the tale he thinks it’s funny that hair could be used as a rope for climbing a tower, it may be giving him some ideas

- Every time he’s back to Earthrealm he needs to get cotton candy or else he’s not able to keep living, he wishes that kind of thing existed at the other realms too

Frost

- She likes watching musicals and don’t you dare teasing her for that, she knows all the songs from Les Misérables and even High School Musical but will never admit it!

- Wants to teach her S/O skating, she’s really into it and also likes snowboard of course since she can do it at every time of the year

- She likes being hugged and is starved for cuddling, someone please help her i’m serious

- Frost once put hair remover lotion at Kuai Liang shampoo and he went bald believing to be afflicted with some decease, he never discovered the truth about what she did

Sindel (the real one)

- Has a lot of love to give and calls everyone “darling”, she’s the kindest and cooler mother that everyone ever wanted to have

- Takes more than three hours to get ready for something, she has a hard time choosing which boots she should use today and spends too much time brushing her hair

- Reads to Kitana before sleep, even when she’s alredy old enough to take care of herself, she can’t let go of her maternal love and habits

- Bakes the best cakes of Edenia for her family, she’s the person that brings food to a party and is responsible for the gain of extra pounds that her friends have

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat 11 #mortal kombat aftermath #headcanon #hc #mortal kombat headcanons #sindel #mileena #shinnok #quan chi #kenshi #frost #fujin #raiden #fluffy stuff #ask #requests open #mk

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goldenavenger02 · 3 years

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Susz's Halloween Recommendations Part 1: Movies, specials and TV shows.

Movies/specials

Girl Vs. Monster (2012)

Skylar, a teenage girl who discovers on Halloween she's a fifth generation monster hunter. When Skylar accidentally releases some monsters from a containment chamber she must recapture them before they wreak vengeance on her parents.

Notes: I've been watching this since it came out and it's always been a favorite of mine! Has a great message about facing your fears and not letting them control you with the backdrop of monster hunting!

Halloweentown (1998)

When a young girl living with her good-witch grandmother learns she too is a witch, she must help her grandmother save Halloweentown from evil forces.

Notes: I watched this for the first time last year, and I was pleasantly surprised even as an 18 year old!

Hocus Pocus (1993)

A curious youngster moves to Salem, where he struggles to fit in before awakening a trio of diabolical witches that were executed in the 17th century.

Notes: another movie I watched last year, and so surprisingly dark for Disney, especially in the 90s.

The Haunted Mansion (2003)

A realtor and his wife and children are summoned to a mansion, which they soon discover is haunted, and while they attempt to escape, he learns an important lesson about the family he has neglected.

Notes: Eddie Murphy trying to keep his family safe in this haunted house? It's one of my favorites!

Scooby Doo (2002)

The Mystery Inc. gang have gone their separate ways and have been apart for two years, until they each receive an invitation to Spooky Island. Not knowing that the others have also been invited, they show up and discover an amusement park that affects young visitors in very strange ways. Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby soon realize that they cannot solve this mystery without help from each other.

Notes: this is a childhood movie of mine, and the sequel is so good as well. Definitely a good mix of spooky and fun!

Scooby Doo: The Mystery Begins (2009)

A made for TV movie about the origins of the Mystery Incorporated gang.

Notes: a high school/Disney Channel style movie with horror elements starring Robbie Ammel and Hayley Kiyoko. This one is one I've been watching since it came out and it's one of my favorites.

Coraline (2009)

An adventurous 11-year-old girl finds another world that is a strangely idealized version of her frustrating home, but it has sinister secrets.

Notes: watched this one last year and I absolutely adore it! It's so terrifying and I highly recommend.

The Boy (2016)

An American nanny is shocked that her new English family's boy is actually a life-sized doll. After she violates a list of strict rules, disturbing events make her believe that the doll is really alive.

Notes: the movie is suspenseful the whole time, and the last 15 minutes are absolutely horrifying.

Flashback (2020)

After a chance encounter with a man forgotten from his youth, Fred literally and metaphorically journeys into his past.

Notes: I watched this psychological thriller a few months ago and it has it's scary elements, but it's really interesting to see the main character descend into madness and obsession due to something in his personal life.

Edge of Winter (2016)

When two brothers are stranded by a brutal winter storm with an unpredictable father they barely know, the boys begin to suspect their supposed protector may be their biggest threat.

Notes: pretty sure this movie was filmed around the same time Captain America: Civil War, so it's very young Tom Holland, but this is a movie he is so good in. Definitely makes you wonder just how far parents are willing to go.

Hubie Halloween (2020)

Despite his devotion to his hometown of Salem (and its Halloween celebration), Hubie Dubois is a figure of mockery for kids and adults alike. But this year, something is going bump in the night, and it's up to Hubie to save Halloween.

Notes: Don't take this one seriously and you're more likely to enjoy it. Definitely more of a comedy than anything scary. Adam Sandler is very polarizing but I enjoyed this.

Hotel Transylvania (2012)

Dracula, who operates a high-end resort away from the human world, goes into overprotective mode when a boy discovers the resort and falls for the count's teenaged daughter.

Notes: a family Halloween movie that really is just a fun time.

Ninjago: Day of the Departed (2016)

On the Ninjago holiday: Day of the Departed, the ninja remeber those who have departed.

Notes: Takes place in between season 6 and 7 and really explores grief as well as the concept of being forgotten. Obviously you have to watch the seasons before to understand this, but it's really interesting to watch for sure.

My Friend Dahmer (2017)

Jeffrey Dahmer murdered 17 men and boys in the Midwest United States between 1978 and 1991 before being captured and incarcerated. He would become one of America's most infamous serial killers. This is the story before that story.

Notes: a fascinating look into an infamous serial killer, both parts fiction and non fiction and suspenseful the whole time.

TV shows

Teen Wolf (2011-2017)

Scott becomes the eponymous teenage werewolf of the series after he is bitten by an alpha werewolf the night before his second year of high school, drastically changing his once-ordinary life.

Notes: one of my absolute favorite TV shows, and perfect for the Halloween season! Especially since the movie is coming out next year!

Only Murders in the Building (2021-)

Only Murders in the Building follows three strangers, played by Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez, who share an obsession with a true crime podcast. After a murder in their building, the three neighbors decide to start their own show that covers their investigation of the murder.

Notes: Already fantastic and season 1 is still coming out on Hulu! The blend of comedy and horror is always one of my favorites!

Cruel Summer (2021-)

The series follows two teenage girls in the 1990s and the repercussions on everyone's lives after one disappears and the other seemingly takes her place.

Notes: this has huge triggers for domestic violence, grooming and sexual assault. If you're not triggered by that, I HIGHLY recommend this, and I'm so excited for season 2! It also has some great LGBT+ rep!

Nancy Drew (2019-)

Nancy Drew (Kennedy McMann) is a brilliant teenaged detective whose sense of self had come from solving mysteries in her hometown of Horseshoe Bay, Maine – until her mother’s untimely death derails Nancy’s college plans.

Notes: I've been watching this since it came out and season 3 is about to start airing! The first season is so wonderful and full of twists and turns (season 2 isn't as good, but it's the CW) and I highly recommend!

Ninjago Season 5, Possession (2015)

The spirit of the evil Morro is released from the cursed realm and the Ninjas have to unite in the battle against an evil foe.

Notes: one of my favorite seasons of the show, and definitely one of the darkest ones! Deals with grief, depression and high expectations and it's so good!

Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated (2010-2013)

Scooby-Doo and the gang attempt to solve creepy mysteries in the town of Crystal Cove, a place with a history of eerie supernatural events.

Notes: this starts off similar to the original Scooby Doo show from the early 70's, but as the overarching plot gets deeper and deeper, you really spend your time just wondering "what the heck is going on".

I'm not going to put specific episodes of TV shows on here, because that'll get daunting, but part 2 is books and fics!

#susz's halloween recommendations #halloween

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murfeelee · 4 years

Photo

My Top 7 Albums

I saw this done by @slythersim here and I’m literally doing nothing productive this weekend, so why not. :P

[EDIT] Thanks @drawing-way-outside-the-lines for tagging me here! And thanks, Tumblr, for not notifying me (as usual), you’re a doll. ^_^

Made with this website to generate the album graphics.

Basically, I just picked the albums that either have my favorite songs by that artist, or represent something special for me:

The Wild Heart - Stevie Nicks (1982): This was the only easy pick out of the bunch; literally my favorite artist and album of all time. Takes me back to my childhood; my mom would play Stevie’s solo albums, plus Fleetwood Mac’s music, and I would sit just at her feet staring at the album covers while wishing I was a witch-- ”Even in the darkest places of your mind! Where are the children, are they hopelessly enchanted!?!” Yes, Stevie. Yes, I was.

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Enter - Within Temptation (1997): Y’all know I love me some Within Temptation. I seriously miss their old symphonic metal style, which was why I fell in love with the band in the first place. I like all of their recent more modern albums, too, but sadly they never made another album like Enter, or a titular track like “Enter” -- omg it’s so epic; sends shivers down my spine. And the Dracula intro is perfection. \m/

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Ceremonials - Florence and the Machine (2011): “Never Let Me Go“ and “No Light, No Light“ are amazing, yes, but “SEVEN DEVILS”? O_O I already loved Lungs, but Ceremonials was the album that made me devote my heart to Florence. To be honest, Florence’s albums only get better & better -- I like each new one more than the last. Florence can do no wrong; she’s never made a bad song in all her life, it’s impossible. Even her Final Fantasy 15 singles slap, wtf woman.

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And speaking of Final Fantasy....

Final Fantasy X - Original Soundtrack (2001): WHEN I TELL YOU I CRIED. No video game ever had me bawling big fat ugly tears like FF10 did, holy god. One of the best games I ever played, hands down. This is why FF13 and especially FF15 made me so effing mad, cuz they did NOTHING to reach the heights that FF10 hit--on the effing PS2 of all consoles,too, like WTF, Square Enix!? The story and characters and cutscenes and MUSIC were legendary, your fave could never. Never! (Unless your fave is Florence + the Machine, in which case yes, Florence’s FF15 songs are the best thing from that effing game, jfc.) But we’ll see what FF16 does on the PS5. Until then, Yuna & Tidus are video game royalty.

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Absolution - Muse (2003) / Simulation Theory (2018): Absolution‘s singles were the first time I ever heard of Muse. I remember my sister and I jamming to the “Hysteria“ & “Time is Running Out” music videos on MTV, like: man, if only Matt could stop gasping for every frikkin gulp of air, Muse could reach a whole new level of awesome. And holy crap did he get better; his singing over the years is just “Glorious!“ My favorite thing about Muse is that I never know what to expect with them. Are they rock? electronica? old? futuristic? whatever! So I will fight anyone who points to “Citizen Erased,” or “Stockholm Syndrome,” then says Simulation Theory’s a bad album. It’s actually my favorite Muse album, so THEY’RE WRONG! (Tumblr won’t let me link more than 5 videos, grr.)

Bad - Michael Jackson (1987): Technically, Thriller should be my favorite album of MJ’s, as it has a lot of my favorite tracks. But Bad had “Smooth Criminal,” which has my faaaaavorite dance number in all of music video history! SO FREAKING COOL! Annie and I were NOT okay!

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Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin - Original Soundtrack (2013-present): AoT/SnK might just be the best anime ever made. It’s not my favorite, but IMO it’s the best, and a large part of that is due to the music, and how it complements the animations and scenes (despite the OST having the most cursed naming format imaginable). It gets to the point where even anime-only fans know what’s about to happen on the show, just because of its leitmotifs (like XL-TT) that start playing. A large part of season hype is waiting to hear what epic new intro song will be made, and which ones are The Best™ -- Shinzou wo sasageyou -- YAEGER!!! Then they switched it up and integrated Punjabi songs like like “Bad Karma” into their own battle music, like WTF?! Iconic. (Tumblr won’t let me link more than 5 videos, grr.)

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Thanks for reading!

I tag anyone!

#nonsims #non-sims #music #questionnaire

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suspiriu-m · 4 years

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About Me

Hello! My name is Sal and welcome to my blog, Suspirium! Suspirium is a word that originates from one of my favorite movies, Luca Guadagnino’s 2019 remake of Dario Argento’s classic italian horror movie Suspiria. According to World of Dictionary, Suspirium is a Latin word meaning “Deep breath, sigh”. It’s also the title of one of my favorite songs from the soundtrack to the movie produced by Thom Yorke of Radiohead. I’m a huge horror movie buff so expect to see a lot of that sort of content on my blog if I can incorporate it into any of my work. I chose this as the title of my blog because of how well the word fits into the movie, and I just love the way it sounds. Anybody who’s watched the movie will understand, but I won’t go into detail as to not spoil it for anybody who hasn’t yet seen it.

Throughout my highschool years I technically went to two schools. My main and home school was Middletown High School, and my secondary school was Orange Ulster Boces in Florida New York. In high school I was always in media production and art classes. For example, photography, video editing, drawing & painting classes and my favorite was an Elements of Horror class I took my senior year. Horror being my favorite genre, I absolutely had to take a class that’s dove into the origins of classic horror novels, films and short stories. Leading to me finding my favorite classic horror story Dracula by Bram Stoker, and a multitude of stories by H.P. Lovecraft. Continuing on now to college i’m now majoring in Media Production while also still taking some classes in Marketing and Design! I really enjoy both a lot so it’s hard to kind of pick exactly which I want to do, but it’s nice knowing that no matter what path I finally choose I'll still have some experience in the other!

Aside from my education, I love to watch horror movies and read stories in my own free time. Movies in general are a huge hobby of mine and I watch at least 3-4 a week given I have the time. Some of my favaroties of all time concerning classics have got to be the Halloween series, The Evil Dead series and all four of the Scream movies. Other hobbies of mine that take up a huge part of my life and time are video games and music. I have a pretty big record collection that’s continuously growing with at least 80-90 albums and counting. I just recently purchased a few more to add being Sade’s Diamond Life, Whitney Houston’s Whitney and Whitney Houston albums, Lazaretto by Jack White, Texas Sun by Khruangbin & Leon Bridges and Petals for Armor by Hayley Williams. Hopefully my next additions will be What’s Your Pleasure? by Jessie Ware and The Baby by Samia. I’ve been collecting them for years, but especially now since even CD’s are starting to go out of style. I’m the kind of person who still likes to have physical copies of all my music and movies and games so having such big collection is super special to me.

In terms of video games, I try and play as wide of a variety that I can because I believe I can find something I like in any genre. Strategy, shooters, brawlers, online competitive games etc, but I think my favorite style of game is single-player, narrative driven experiences. Most recently I played The Last of Us Part II and was absolutely enthralled with it. I loved the first game so much so getting a sequel was something I was extremely grateful for. I don’t think video games get enough credit for what they do for storytelling. TLOU 1 and 2 are some of my favorite stories that I have experienced in any form of media. The heartbreak, pain, love, fear and excitement those games have succeeded in giving me while just sitting in front of my TV is something no other form of entertainment has brought me. Some of the most touching moments, but also the most excruciating. They also had a queer women front and center throughout the games which is something that isn’t very common in video games so seeing that was really nice to me. Other than The Last of Us, some other solid narrative driven games I’ve played are God of War, Uncharted 1-4, Marvel’s Spider-Man, The Tomb Raider Reboots, Ghost of Tsushima, the Batman Arkham series and Control.

Although story based games are my favorites that doesn’t mean I don’t have a place in my heart for some good old fashioned fun as well! I also really enjoy a lot of the Super Mario and Legend of Zelda games as well. My biggest pet peeve that I have with the gaming industry right now though is Fortnite. I think it’s literally the most annoying game ever created. People spend hundreds and thousands of dollars just to buy skins and weapon packs and I think it’s absolutely ridiculous. The fact that I work at a major video game retailer and constantly have kids running through my store screaming about the damn game at least once a day could also contribute to my hatred. Either way, I want no part and absolutely nothing to do with it.

Going back to queer representation though. I recently watched Pose over the summer. Not only was the show heavily based during the AIDS epidemic in New York City, almost the entirety of the main cast was comprised of Transgender Black women. On prime time television! This is the first show to ever achieve such a feat. Not only was the cast extremely talented, I thought the writing and production of the show as a whole was brilliant. It definitely has its flaws and I could point out a few of them, but I believe all of the good of the show far outweighs the bad. It’s not afraid to tackle extremely real and difficult subjects the Transgender and Black communities have faced in this country and all over the world. It’s so important to see content like this on television as well because EVERYBODY deserves representation. Not only was the cast Trans, but one of the lead writers of the series Janet Mock is also a Black Trans woman! Pose was filled with heartfelt moments that truly had me sobbing in my bed as I watched. I think I actually cried at pretty much every single episode for both seasons. The cast is brilliant, the realism and talent and star power they bring to the show is like nothing that I’ve ever seen before and I’m so glad to be able to see them up on my television. I so badly one day hope that I can be behind the scenes of producing a show of this caliber some day.

While I have yet to help in the production of a show like this, I have had my fair share of of making short films, music videos and even assisting on a friend of mine’s first full length movie that he submitted to festivals. Last year, I had the opportunity to shoot a short horror film with my classmates for our final project. The film was based around a young woman getting trapped at her school in the middle of a blizzard, and slowly beginning to realize that she may not be alone. In a fight for her life, she has to survive till morning while going up against a mysterious killer who lurks the halls of her small town college. Sadly, we didn’t have enough time to produce a full and finalized cut of the film but coming together and working with a few other classmates was still a really fun experience. Not only was I able to play the role of the killer, I aided in audio, music selection, location scouting, props department, shot planning and writing the movie and it was a great time. I also had the pleasure of helping out my friend Matt Vincini in shooting his short film The Cattle Farmer. A horror/thriller film about a boy who is adopted into a family, only to realize that his life might have been planned from the start. It featured a mysterious woodland family who may or may not have had cannibalistic tendencies that included their adopted children. It was a super cool experience to be on a set with a bunch of actors and seeing my friend in action in the role of director. Collaborating on projects like this with friends is always a fun time, even it does get stressful at some points. At one point in the film, one of the characters realizes that the dinner he is currently eating could quite possible be his last meal ever. Which kinda let me to thinking what my last meal would be. After some thinking, I think i’d definitely have to choose my families homemade pasta and meatballs. I know, pretty stereotypical for an Italian family but it’s just so good. We make our own sauce every september and it’s a huge family event. Everybody comes together and one of our houses and it’s literally a whole days worth of work. The best part? At the end of the night, we all have a huge feast and make pasta and meatballs with all of the sauce we just made. It’s one of my favorite things to do with my family and always one of my favorite meals. Not only is it delicious, but also sentimental.

This is all for now! Thanks for stopping by my blog and reading a little bit about me. I could probably keep rambling on for hours but I don’t think that’s the smartest idea. I can’t wait to fill this blog with more content this year and hope to hear from you guys as well! Until then, i’ll be watching more movies and DEFINITELY playing some more games. At this point i’ve been playing the new Marvel’s Avengers video game so, let me get back to kicking some AIM ass!

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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 4 years

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um hi who’s steve moffat??

Oh my goodness. Okay, my sweet summer child, buckle up. I’ll try and keep this short. I assume you’re asking this since I just reblogged that post about Moffat creating the new Dracula show for BBC, so I’ll explain the particulars of why that’s upsetting as well.

So, Steven Moffat is a British television show writer and creator. He created the very popular (and well-done) comedic show Coupling, which was a take on the modern-day dating world and apparently inspired by how Moffat met his wife. He was also a writer on Doctor Who, the long-running British science fiction series, and this is where the fun (note the sarcasm) begins.

See, Moffat wrote some very very very good episodes on Doctor Who. In fact he wrote two of my favorites: the two-parter “The Empty Child”/“The Doctor Dances” (which includes my all-time favorite television moment, “Everybody lives, Rose! Just this once–everybody lives!!!”) and “Blink.” “Blink” is considered one of the best, if not the best, DW episode as it works so damn well and is so well written and ALSO functions very well as a standalone episode. Someone who has never seen a single DW episode could watch “Blink” and enjoy it.

Given Moffat’s good writing chops, everyone was super excited when he became the showrunner for Doctor Who after Russell T. Davies, the original showrunner, left, and when Moffat also announced he was creating Sherlock, a modern-day adaptation of the beloved Sherlock Holmes character.

I will direct you to this highly entertaining video that explains why Moffat’s show running skills and BBC’s Sherlock are, well, garbage.

Please do watch that video when you have the time since it’s fucking hilarious but here’s the gist of it: Moffat relies on building cliffhanger after cliffhanger and never actually delivering any climax, catharsis, or answers to the questions he gives. He makes his shows about one “super special genius” male character whose only function is to be “super special genius” and never actually has any character development and really actually is an asshole to everyone around him. And he writes female characters horribly, Irene Adler just to start. He crams in LGBT+ characters and other such “minority” characters in order to get “woke” and “diversity” points but he doesn’t actually give them any legitimate layers or nuance. The genius straight white male always saves the day and he does it while being a dick to everyone.

Yay.

Moffat’s constant reliance on twist after twist after twist without any character development, conclusion, explanation, or even logic, means that eventually his shows spiral into the absolutely absurd, as happened with season four of Sherlock. I would argue the show went off the rails in season three but that was before I saw it completely jump the shark in season four. Holy shit.

Which brings us to Dracula.

Look, vampires are sexy, I will be the first to admit that. But Dracula himself is not a vampire you want to swoon over. In the original book he is a sexual predator (the passages where he feeds on Mina are particularly disturbing and evocative of rape) who brutally and mercilessly murders people by twisting their spines and bashing their heads in until their brains burst out, sending wolves to tear them to pieces, and ripping their throats out. He literally throws a toddler to three vampires who do something so horrendous to it that Jonathan Harker blocks it from his memory.

Dracula is also, to add to all of this, a metaphor for two things a) the powerful and charismatic but “forbidden” gay relationship/love (and the shame that comes with that because this was the 1800s) and b) the racist/xenophobic fear of the “pure Aryan race” being “corrupted” by the “impure” eastern/non-Aryan bloodline.

Yeah, you heard me. The second one is pretty damn obvious and it’s a real sign of continued xenophobia and racism if you ask me that no adaptation (save for the silent black and white film Dracula: Pages from a Virgin’s Diary) has addressed this issue. Dracula literally says that he will destroy the Western race of heroes “through your women, and through them your children! I shall have them and through them I shall have you!” and basically says yeah I’m gonna rape your wives and they’ll have my children and your pure bloodline will be corrupted. This is far from an uncommon fear. It’s a repeated threat from the non-white villain in racist texts and it’s a common rhetorical trick. You even hear it in historical films when the heroic leader stands up and is like “would you have them kill us and rape our wives?” The fear isn’t just death, it’s that the “oh so pure bloodline” will be corrupted by the “unclean” race mating with the “clean” one.

AND THAT’S IGNORING THE BLATANTLY RACIST STEREOTYPE OF THE ROMANI PEOPLE AS EVIL STOOGES OF DRACULA LIKE WTF STOKER I’M GONNA RAISE YOU FROM THE DEAD JUST SO I CAN KICK YOUR GODDAMN ASS–

*ahem* Anyway.

The first one is also pretty obvious given that the entire first third of the book is Dracula flirting with Jonathan up to and including making innuendos about Jonathan teaching him English by “showing him how to use his tongue” (NO I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP). Most people believe that Dracula was based on Vlad Tepes aka Vlad the Impaler but actually, while Stoker did research on good ol’ Vlad, Dracula was based on a popular actor and close friend of Stoker’s, Henry Irving. Dracula was originally supposed to be a play, written for Irving, with Irving in the title role. When Irving refused, Stoker changed it to a book.

In fact when people who knew the two read the book they all went, “holy shit Dracula is totally Irving and Stoker is totally Jonathan.” Contemporaries noted that the relationship between Irving and Stoker was toxic, with Irving being manipulative and narcissistic, taking advantage of Stoker, while Stoker was too damn in love with Irving to stand up for himself even as he knew that Irving was being an asshole.

SO THAT MEANS WE HAVE: queer subtext, racist subtext, and vampirism as a metaphor for sexual assault.

None of which Moffat has a history of handling well.

It’s a sad tradition in Hollywood to change Dracula into a sexy anti-hero, and to claim that Mina Harker, the heroine of the book who saves everyone’s goddamn bacon, was actually attracted to Dracula and wanted to be with him. Y’know, the man who in the book makes her drink his blood in a way that is explicitly worded to make it sound like she’s forced to give him a blowjob (no seriously reading those passages is genuinely disturbing). Seeing how Moffat treated Sherlock and The Doctor on their respective shows, he’ll probably turn Dracula from a monster that is legitimately scary (because y’know he rapes people) into yet another pale white super special genius Mary goddamn Sue.

Seriously, the next time someone asks me what a Mary Sue is I’m just directing them straight to the Moffat-run seasons of Doctor Who and BBC’s Sherlock.

And given how Moffat handled the character of Irene Adler by turning her from a woman who received the world’s first unsolicited dick pic and was forced to use it to protect herself from persecution by royalty in order to quietly marry the love of her life into a dominatrix whose bisexuality was used as a one-off line to show how “irresistible and sexy” Sherlock is and is beaten by Sherlock, is a villain, not just a villain but the lackey of another villain, and has to be rescued by Sherlock twice instead of being the clever quick-thinking woman who gets one over on him and teaches him not to underestimate women and that he’s not always right…

Yeah. I don’t have high hopes for how Moffat will treat Mina Harker, the meticulous wannabe journalist who loves her friends to death and has a fucking backbone of steel and memorizes train schedules in her spare time like the utter dork she is.

And even if you set all those things aside! Even if you hope that Moffat will do justice to the women in the series, that he’ll properly address the sexual, gay, and racist subtext in Dracula, even if you hope that he won’t make Dracula another annoying can’t-ever-do-anything-wrong-jackass that treats the people around him like shit but we’re supposed to think he’s cool for it and people still somehow inexplicably stick around him and forgive him for it…

EVEN IF YOU HOPE FOR ALL OF THAT

…there is still Moffat’s major storytelling issue which is that he never tells a complete story. He never delivers on any of the promises he makes to the audience. He dangles cliffhangers that promise some big revelation is upcoming, but he never actually makes good on that–he just gives another twist instead, so that you never conclude any story arcs. It’s like listening to a song but having no resolution in the music so it’s just hurting your ears. Moffat is all about sound and fury, about making things look and sound cool, but without giving them any actual substance.

Moffat has done some great writing work, but it was always when someone else was in charge reining him in and forcing him to tell a complete story. He was given carte blanche with Sherlock and look how well that turned out. Season four was so bad people actually wondered if it was a joke. Yeah. Seriously.

So, people are understandably frustrated about this upcoming Dracula adaptation and have zero hope that it will handle any of the characters or the complex issues with any kind of nuance or substance. My personal bet? The women will be treated as props who fawn over Dracula, Dracula himself will be an asshole that we’re supposed to somehow like, his bisexuality will be a throwaway thing and the men who fall for him will behave in stereotypically gay ways and God forbid he actually get a long-lasting substantial relationship with any of them, Van Helsing is gonna be a woman and be either his bitter ex or eventually fall for him, and oh yes the racism/xenophobia in the original text will never be addressed ever.

That, my dear, is Steven Moffat, and that’s why people hate him and aren’t happy about him creating a Dracula television series, bisexual vampires or no.

#mads answers things #dracula #dracula bbc #moffat #steven moffat #I'm paraphrasing the Dracula quotes because I've read that damn book ten times by now #and I'm too lazy to go find my copy to get the exact quote right #I hope this explains everything satisfactorily my dear!#apologies that it's such a long answer lol #I tried to be succinct #nalgenewhore

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smokeybrand · 4 years

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Smokey brand Select: Dark Stalkers

I wanted to take the time and kind of suggest films in particular sub-genres i find amazing. I’ve seen a lot of movies in my day and some stand out as real experiences in specific categories. To kick this thing off, i chose to delve into a few flicks in one of my most beloved film sub-genres; The Vampire film. When executed properly, you can create an entire world of unique romance or gory horror within this set theme. Some of the best character studies i have ever seen, begin with that irreverent perspective on life of someone cursed to live forever. Sometimes the vampire aspect is just thematic device to frame a series of savage massacres in the most lurid of bloody reds and violent imagery. There is so much flexibility in this particular category that i felt compelled to speak on it in the inaugural post to my Select series.

10. Doctor Sleep

Probably the most recent entry released on this list. Doctor Sleep plays out as a Shining sequel but don’t be fooled, this is a Vampire movie at it’s core. Wonderfully directed and acted, the vampirsim takes a backseat to the humanity of these characters. You see them at their worst, sure. I can’t say they aren’t ravenous animals, predators who tear children limb from limb, but there is a very human hubris to their overwhelming strength. I love the story told about this particular brood. These creatures are more psychic than sanguinarian but they still feed on humans, nonetheless.

9. Bram Stoker’s Dracula

I adore this flick, man. I remember seeing it as a youth and it is, indeed, one of my favorite interpretations of the Dracula tale. It takes some liberties with the overall narrative but, as a whole, it’s an amazing film to watch. Legitimately a feast for the eyes. I can’t say it’s a great movie on it’s own, truthfully it has some of the worst performances i have ever seen captured on film, but it’s absolutely gorgeous with all of it’s Gothic, yet, campy aesthetic, and has my absolute favorite rendition of Dracula as a character. That, alone, is enough to make this list.

8. What We Do In The Shadows

The beauty of the Vampire genre is how flexible it can be. Shadows is a perfect example of this. ore a comedy about social misfits than a vampire movie, it executes a rather creative narrative around the admittedly tired trope of Vampirism. It’s rare that such creativity and revelry is seen in this genre. Everything is always so dour and somber. This movie is not that. It’s actually rather hilarious and refreshingly upbeat. It’s the most human I’ve ever seen Vampires and i love that contradiction to bits!

7. Interview With The Vampire

This was the first Vampire flick i saw which actually asked the big questions about living forever and being a literal plague on humanity. you know i love my existential nihilism and this is rife with that sh*t. The premise was pretty amazing but it was the resolution that got me. Here you have a man, cursed with the what he has become, pouring his heart out to a man as a warning, and due just turns around and begs to be turned. This man told you his entire, depressing, f*cked up life story and you turn around and BEG to be afflicted with his condition. It’s the greatest slap in the face anyone can deliver. Aside from that, the entire look of this film captures that romantic yet dangerous nature of the vampire romance. It’s truly beautiful but absolutely brutal in it’s own way.

6. Nosferatu

It took a while for me to appreciate this movie for what it was. Seriously, a black and white, German language, silent film. I saw it as a kid and didn’t care for it but, as a n adult, i learned to love this thing. This film,considering these shortcomings of cinema at the time, had to earn it’s place on this list and it did it with the most palpable atmosphere I’ve ever seen in a movie. Later in life, I’d see this done just as deftly with films like Under The Skin, Suspiria, and the VVitch, but Nosferatu was the first and it made an impression. i was enthralled but what can be described as core film making on display.

5. Lifeforce

Lifeforce is another one of these not-bloodsucker vampire flicks. Indeed, these creature suck the life force out of people, thus the title. This movie is kind of ridiculous. It’s all over the place but still, a damn interesting watch. it’s said this thing was influenced by alien and it kind of shows, but still has it’s own unique flavor. This is basically a Roger Corman production with an actual budget so, if you know how those films go, you have a general expectation of how this thing is executed. It, by no means is a great film, but i loved the ride.

4. Byzantium

This film made the list on the strength of it’s gorgeous visuals. There’s an underlying current of despair that i love but, more so than any of that, the look of this movie entrances me. It’s truly stunning, especially certain scenes. The use of reds and shadows is impeccable and the actual lore is some of them most unique I’ve seen in a long time. I wanted to know more about these characters, about this world. It’s wild to see such human monsters; The regret they display for just existing, the trauma that they live with daily, and the resentment for their survival. It’s wild to see and an incredibly unique look at a centuries old theme.

3. Blood: The Last Vampire

Blood is easily one the best Vampire movie i have ever seen, as just a straight vampire slaying outing. The plot is incredibly simple but the execution is amazing. Blood is one of the most beautifully animated films i have ever seen. It can realistically give Akira a run for it’s money. More than that, an entire world was developed from this one film, and it’s just as compelling. If you follow this blog and keep up with the interjections of text between all of the images, then you know i am a lore hound. I love this world and everything in the expanded universe. Hollywood has been looking for an anime they can successfully adapt to film and Blood is it. The plot is simple, the pacing brisk, and the violence is more than gory enough to put butts in seats. If they give this thing the big budget treatment and someone who respects the source material, Blood can be one massive box office hit. On it’s own, as an anime film, it’s still one of the most excellent vampire tales I have ever seen.

2. A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night

This is going to start a trend. Girl is a fantastic film in it’s own right. More than just a vampire film, this thing is a master class in direction. This is actually a Persian-Language film, yet, one of the most compelling movies I’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Seriously, this movie is absolutely beguiling in it’s imagery, which is a lot to say because it’s in black and white. That was a conscious choice which elevates the film as a whole, letting the brilliant direction bring this movie home. Girl is absolutely one of the best movies I’ve ever sen and it just happens to revolve around a vampire. Don’t let the subtitle barrier deter you from a truly excellent cinematic experience.

1B. Let The Right One In

Netflix suggested this movie to me a few years back.. I was mad skeptical at first but then i watched it. And then i watched it again. And then again. If you’d have told me a Swedish-language, child lead, vampire romance would become one of my all-time favorite films, i'd have called you crazy but, here we are. Let The Right One In is f*cking incredible. It takes the tired trope of boy-Meets-girl and turns it on it’s head, for several reasons. I won’t get into those because you really should watch this film, but it’s absolutely genius how that trope is turned on it’s ear. There are so many themes explored here, so much depth to the storytelling, i was actually shocked. It took multiple viewing for me to peel back all of the layers and, to this day, i still love checking this thing out. The vampirism is inconsequential, it adds a bit of flair to the narrative, but, at it’s core, this is a story about two people falling in love with each other. Or is it a story about the cycle of abuse and manipulation? There’s no definitive answer and i adore that.

1A. Thirst

This is a masterpiece of cinema and no one knows it because it’s from South Korea. Seriously, I’ve written about the shortsightedness of American audiences the second subtitles are brought up but gt the f*ck over that because this movie is one of the best ever made. It’s gorgeous and cruel and wonderful and painful; All of which are captured so richly on film. It’s rare a film can both hurt you and disgust you at the same time. A lot of that has to do with the direction but the to leads bring home this frailty and savagery like no other. There is gore in this film, and it is poignant, but it’s more a punctuation than a set piece. No, Thirst is the study of losing oneself to the passion of humanity and it’s rare you see such raw emotion articulated so well in a genre that decries humanity. Thirst is f*cking awesome and should be seen by everyone, but film buffs in particular.

Honorable Mentions: Vampire Hunter D, Lost Boys, Blade II, Nosferatu The Vampyre, Cronos, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Let Me In, 30 Days of Night, From Dusk til Dawn, Salem’s Lot, Fright Night, Innocent Blood, Vampire’s Kiss, Vampyr, Shadow of the Vampire

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stellalux-universe · 4 years

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So I just finished rewatching Bravo’s 100 Scariest Movie Moments for like, the thousandth time and I wanted to mark down the one’s I had seen. I wrote down some notes too, just some thoughts in case anyone is curious about my thoughts and likings.

[X] 100. 28 Days Later- Controversial, but I see this as an infection movie as opposed to a zombie movie, but I will not bore you with my rant on the subject.

[X] 99. Creepshow- Classic, have to see this if you haven’t already.

[ ] 98. Zombie

[ ] 97. Cat People (1982)

[X] 96. The Birds- Gotta love a Hitchcock movie.

[X] 95. Jurassic Park- Love the movie, not sure I agree with it being above The Birds or Creepshow but 🤷🏼‍♀️

[X] 94. Child's Play- Fuck creepy dolls man.

[ ] 93. Pacific Heights

[X] 92. Village of the Damned

[ ] 91. Shallow Grave

[X] 90. Night of the Hunter

[X] 89. Alice Sweet Alice- Great movie, definitely recommend.

[X] 88. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

[X] 87. Black Christmas (1974)- Love this movie.

[X] 86. Wizard of Oz- Agree that the witch and the monkeys are fucking creepy, and because it’s geared toward children it probably caused quite a few nightmares, but don’t think it’s as scary as some of the lower entries.

[ ] 85. Blood & Black Lace

[X] 84. Blue Velvet

[X] 83. The Others

[X] 82. Terminator- Eh.

[X] 81. The Howling

[X] 80. Poltergeist- LOVE this movie, the original is amazing.

[X] 79. Dracula (1992)- I watched this movie when I was like 5 and thus began my love for horror movies so this one holds a special place in my heart, plus the fucking aesthetic!

[ ] 78. The Brood

[X] 77. Signs

[X] 76. Evil Dead- LOVE LOVE LOVE this movie, Sam Raimi and all of the absolutely fake blood and gore you could ever want.

[X] 75. Candyman

[X] 74. Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory- See notes for Wizard of Oz, same deal. Creepy af but scarier than Candyman? Eh.

[ ] 73. Blood Simple

[X] 72. Them!

[X] 71. The Sixth Sense

[ ] 70. The Stepfather

[X] 69. Re-Animator- One of my favorite movies period tbh.

[ ] 68. The Black Cat

[ ] 67. Duel

[ ] 66. The Tenant

[ ] 65. Marathon Man

[X] 64. Near Dark

[ ] 63. Deliverance

[X] 62. The Wolf Man- Classic

[X] 61. The Devil's Backbone- Absolutely gorgeous film, as is typical with del Toro, everyone knows Pans Labyrinth and that’s a great film but you should definitely see The Devil’s Backbone if you like del Toro.

[ ] 60. The Beyond

[X] 59. Fatal Attraction

[X] 58. Cujo- Stephen King, of course, a must.

[X] 57. House of Wax (1953)- No, not the one with Paris Hilton, though that did have Jared Padalecki who 😘. But the original, with Vincent Price himself.

[ ] 56. Single White Female

[ ] 55. The Vanishing (1993)

[X] 54. The Changeling

[ ] 53. Demons

[X] 52. The Phantom of the Opera- Another Classic

[ ] 51. The Dead Zone

[X] 50. The Last House on the Left- Again, the original people, Wes Craven, not the remake. Literally one of the most uncomfortable movies I’ve ever sat through but extremely subversive about how we justify violence and the ability of all of us to be capable of violence. Seriously though, it’s a rough watch.

[ ] 49. Diabolique

[ ] 48. The Thing (1982)

[X] 47. Nosferatu (1929)

[ ] 46. The Sentinel

[X] 45. The Wicker Man (1975)

[X] 44. The Game

[X] 43. It's Alive!

[X] 42. An American Werewolf in London- Watch it every Halloween, LOVE

[X] 41. The Hills Have Eyes (1977)- Wes Craven again, I love that man but he has a startling ability to make seriously demented movies. I love it though.

[ ] 40. Black Sunday

[X] 39. Dawn of the Dead- Original again, a must for any horror fan, I mean, it’s George Romero people, come on.

[ ] 38. Peeping Tom

[X] 37. House on Haunted Hill (1999)

[X] 36. Cape Fear (1962)

[X] 35. Aliens

[ ] 34. The Hitcher (1986)

[X] 33. The Fly (1986)- JEFF GOLDBLUM. That’s all. This did creep me the fuck out though.

[X] 32. Pet Sematary- Obviously. Though I still haven’t seen the remake, is it good? Let me know.

[X] 31. Friday the 13th- Listen, I do love this movie... but I’m a bigger Elm Street fan, sorry Jason.

[X] 30. Blair Witch Project- Creepy af considering you don’t really see anything. That’s pretty brilliant.

[ ] 29. Serpent and the Rainbow

[X] 28. When a Stranger Calls (1979)

[X] 27. Frankenstein (1931)- YES, I love so many of the Frankenstein movies, I even adore the cracktastic Young Frankenstein movie, watch both every Halloween.

[X] 26. Seven

[X] 25. Phantasm- Ugh, both Phantasm and Suspiria next, amazing movies, totally recommend if you haven’t seen them.

[X] 24. Suspiria

[X] 23. Rosemary's Baby- Obviously.

[ ] 22. Don't Look Now

[ ] 21. Jacob's Ladder

[X] 20. The Ring (2002)

[X] 19. Hellraiser- This movie scared the shit out of me when I was a kid, definitely one I came to appreciate when I got older.

[X] 18. The Haunting (1963)- Love the movie, love the book, love the Netflix series even if they totally changed the story.

[X] 17. A Nightmare on Elm Street- Yea, i have a thing for Wes Craven flicks apparently and this is my favorite of all the slasher films. Plus, young Johnny Depp in a crop top? Uh, yes please.

[X] 16. The Omen (1976)

[X] 15. Freaks- Okay, of all the movies on this list, this is one of the ones that actually scared the shit out of me, what happens to the female antagonist at the end? Ugh, it still gives me shivers.

[X] 14. Halloween

[X] 13. Scream- Another Wes Craven.

[X] 12. Misery- And another Stephen King.

[X] 11. Audition- I literally can not watch this film. I have tried several times because I like the story, I like the premise, I think the actress in it is incredible, but I can’t fucking stomach torture scenes, I just can’t. Being chased by a killer or a monster, where I have the opportunity to fight back or run, yeah, but being strapped down and unable to move while being hurt, ugh I just can’t watch that, no matter how deserving they make the victim out to be.

[ ] 10. Wait Until Dark

[X] 9. Night of the Living Dead- Must watch for a horror fan, that’s all I have to say about that.

[X] 8. Carrie (1976)- And another Stephen King, and actually my favorite of his film adaptations, though The Shining and Rose Red are up there for me too.

[X] 7. Silence of the Lambs- Just watched this last night, and then had to start watching Hannibal (the show) again.

[X] 6. The Shining- Another Stephen King.

[X] 5. Texas Chainsaw Massacre- Original was great, remake was crap.

[X] 4. Psycho (1960)- Obviously.

[X] 3. Exorcist- Absolutely incredible, everything about it.

[X] 2. Alien- One of my go to sleep movies HA

[X] 1. Jaws- Okay, so I love love love killer animal movies, I just do. Primeval, Jaws, Lake Placid, Anaconda, what have you and I get that Jaws kind of took horror movies main stream BUT scariest movie moment? I don’t really agree with that at all, it didn’t scare me as a child and it doesn’t scare me now. Some of these other movies on this list still give me chills, Jaws never has, so I was a bit disappointed at it being number 1.

It would be cool if someone wanted to one for themselves! I love horror movies and I’m always curious about other people’s opinions and insights and I’m looking to do things like this to get to know my followers better!

😘

#personal #100 scariest movie moments #is anyone else obsessed with this show?#I really wish they would update it beyond just the one follow up they did

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itsclydebitches · 5 years

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I consider taking angsty prompts and turning them into absurd fluff to be a specialty of mine~

Wretched

Aziraphale had always had a soft spot for children’s books. One wouldn’t think it based on the antiques and religious texts crowding up the shop, but if you took your time and wandered all the way to the back you’d find a sizable collection waiting, enhanced by the occasional plush and toy truck. They were mostly books from the mid-18th and 19th century, didactic texts with (surprise, surprise) religious bents. A Little Pretty Pocket-Book Intended for the Instruction and Amusement of Little Master Tommy and Pretty Miss Polly had been a long time favorite of his, both for the brightly colored paper it was bound in and the absurdly long title by contemporary standards.

The History of Little Goody Two-Shoes. The New England Primer. Millions of Cats. Peter Rabbit, The Secret Garden, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland...that was about as modern as Aziraphale was willing to go—for now at least—with the exception of one co-authored series from the 1990’s.

“The Bailey School Kids,” Crowley read. He flipped through one at random, eyes already skittering away from lack of interest. The cover got an amused snort though. “Dracula Doesn’t Drink Lemonade? Wouldn’t mind showing that to old Bram sometime.”

“You’re welcome to take that copy if you ever pop back downstairs.”

“Isn’t he with your lot?”

“Can’t quite recall anymore.” Aziraphale’s fingers skimmed the spines until he found the book he was looking for. With a dramatic flourish he showed off this cover too: a glowing woman performing a kick in front of four children.

Crowley’s lips twitched. “Angels Don’t Know Karate.”

“I’ll admit this one certainly doesn’t.”

“‘She’s too good to be true!’ Well they got that part right at least.”

Crowley’s admiration was rarely verbal. He preferred actions over words and when something did come tumbling out it was quickly followed by an insult for balance. You’re so clever. How can someone as clever as you be so stupid, and so forth. Thus, Aziraphale waited for the blow and instead felt his cheeks heating when all Crowley did was glance up over his glasses, eyes soft. He’d bent to get a look at the book and having him in such a, ahem, submissive position did nothing to calm Aziraphale’s racing heart.

What absurdities human bodies were. His palms had begun to sweat so badly that Aziraphale feared he’d do damage to the pages.

Yet when he dropped one hand to brush against his trousers he found it caught halfway, Crowley’s fingers ensnaring his, right at the tips. He drew Aziraphale’s knuckles to his mouth and placed a kiss there, reverent.

“Too good by far,” he murmured.

“Oh,” and Aziraphale was floundering, choking a bit, trying to put the book down and pull Crowley forward all at once until they were simply a mess of limbs and laughter. They finally succeeded and as Aziraphale bent to press his own kiss into the hollow of Crowley’s throat he forgot the reason he’d brought him over here in the first place.

I was making a joke, he thought faintly. Then Crowley took his face between his hands and Aziraphale forgot that too.

***

It came to him thirty hours later when a stray cat nearly upended itself into a drain in its attempt to get away from Crowley.

That was it. The Bailey series was missing a title: Demons Don’t Keep Pets.

“Wretched beast,” Crowley muttered and Aziraphale kindly ignored that the words were spoken in the same tone as, ‘I’m not nice’ and ‘That’s ridiculous,’ and ‘Shut up, angel.’

“We merely startled the poor thing,” Aziraphale said. He kept his eyes straight ahead.

“Shut up, angel.”

Hmm.

Spending time in the company of demons resulted in all sorts of odd, but really quite predictable outcomes. The stench of sulfur and chlorine was a given. Aziraphale had long ago ceased trying to cover up Crowley’s scent with any human-made creations and after the first couple of hundred years he’d forgotten why he’d wanted to in the first place. Minor mischief was another. Not anything planned, demons simply had a sort of... bad luck that surrounded them. Minor falls, forgotten words, and lost socks followed them everywhere. There was the expected gravitation towards warmer climates—many were cold blooded by nature—and the inevitable itch to groom one’s wings once the encountered concluded. Though that was due more to self-comparative embarrassment than anything the demons actually did.

And then there were the animals. Needless to say, creatures of Earth didn’t take kindly to demonic entities from the literal depths of hell.

Over their multi-millennium friendship (Courtship, Aziraphale silently corrected himself, experiencing a little thrill) he had seen Crowley interact with every animal imaginable. Or rather, unintentionally terrorize every animal imaginable. Cats, as established, had enough sense to get out of his way. Dogs were a little dumber, but that just resulted in shaking, whimpering, and a pungent mess on the floor. The Bentley was beloved not only for it style, but the freedom it had afforded him. Over the years Aziraphale had watched Crowley get bucked off of horses, camels, donkeys, mules, and on one memorable occasion an elephant. Though there were upsides too, of course. This particular body was quite susceptible to bug bites, though Aziraphale never needed to worry about such things when on a dusk stroll with Crowley. In decades past a visit from him had been more than enough to scare off the rats and cockroaches plaguing Aziraphale’s home. Squirrels and other rodents never bothered them while eating outside. Birds wouldn’t dare to defecate anywhere in their presence (smarter than the dogs then). It had taken a hundred years for the ducks of St. Jame’s Park to become accustomed to their routine... and even today they very obviously only ate the bread on Aziraphale’s side of the pond.

In short, there was a reason that poor unicorn had bolted the moment Crowley come on the scene.

“You’re thinking about how I’m responsible for the extinction of the unicorns, aren’t you?”

Aziraphale faltered only briefly. Uneven pavement. Such a danger. “Not at all, my dear.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Zira.”

“I am quite accomplished in the art due entirely to your influence. Now hush and enjoy the sunset.”

Crowley grumbled, but slipped his hand into Aziraphale’s when they just so happened to brush. They did enjoy the sunset while strolling back from dinner and as they did not a single mosquito, bird, or daring cat came their way.

***

Crowley would have dearly loved to have a pet.

He’d never said as much, not even at their most inebriated, but the desire was clear as day to Aziraphale. Put aside how well they knew one another; Aziraphale was, quite literally, a being meant to understand and exhibit love, someone who could feel it in all its forms. He knew that Crowley loved animals with the same surety that he knew Crowley loved children. And him. The duck obsession, the drunken worry for all the ocean’s creatures, they were just neon signs pointing to an already obvious statement.

Aziraphale had briefly thought that Dog was the answer. Who better to love a demon than a hell hound? Sadly, a visit to the Young household established that Adam had been a bit too thorough in transforming Dog into a normal dog. The puddle on the family room rug had created quite the stir.

So, with Armageddon two weeks behind them and all the freedom to do as he pleased, Aziraphale went shopping.

“Angel, when you said you’d gotten me a present...” Crowley’s mouth worked for a moment, seeming to taste a whole lot of words before rejecting all of them. “Weeellll. Kinda thought it was another stuffy old book.”

“You love when I give you stuffy old books.” Aziraphale had seen the small collection in Crowley’s apartment, as loved as anything else in that minimalist space.

“Is this a stuffy old book then?”

Crowley pointed to the box. The box moved.

“No, dear.”

In truth Crowley already knew what was inside. He could no doubt smell it, but he went through the motions of surprise all the same. Aziraphale watched how hard he swallowed and the shake in his hands as he pulled back the flaps.

“...You got me a snake,” he said and Aziraphale smiled at how wet his voice had gotten.

Specifically, Aziraphale had gotten him an Eastern Hognose Snake, black with a reddish tint to match Crowley’s hair. Docile and small, the little dear had no sooner tasted the air then it was making a beeline for Crowley, around his wrist and up onto his shoulder.

He’d been right. The curse didn’t extend to one’s own species.

“I’m surprised you never got one for yourself,” Aziraphale said. He watched as Crowley ran two fingers delicately over the scales, entranced. A soft, subconscious hiss was emanating each time he breathed. “It’s rather the perfect pick for you.”

“Way to toot your own horn. But nah, just... snakes. Not very cute, are they? Not the sort of thing people want in their home.” Crowley used his free hand to sit his sunglasses more firmly onto his face and... oh.

Oh.

Aziraphale felt something in his chest tighten. He stepped forward and removed those glasses, despite the protest.

“I think they’re positively adorable,” and a laugh bubbled out of Aziraphale as Crowley spluttered. The tension in his shoulders released though and the little Hognose ended up better settled between them. “A snake will make a wonderful addition to this home, rest assured. You’ll have to give him a name.”

“Her,” Crowley croaked.

“Her then.”

“Got any suggestions?”

“Not just yet.” Stepping closer Aziraphale laid his head on Crowley’s shoulder, eye-to-eye with their little lady. He wasn’t at all scared though. Like with the snake above him, Aziraphale knew he was perfectly safe. “I hear these lovelies play dead when feeling threatened, so the name must be something suitably dramatic. You see? You’re perfect for one another.”

“Shut it, angel.”

“And yes, there’s a collection of stuffy old books in the second box. You must read up on how to properly care for her. You don’t really think I’d pass up the opportunity to—”

“Somebody give me strength do you ever shut up?”

Crowley finally decided that the best way to achieve silence was to get it himself, which was precisely why Aziraphale blathered on in the first place. Kissing one snake while another watched wasn’t precisely what one would consider angel-like behavior.

Although, given that Aziraphale was an angel and here they were, perhaps it wasn’t so far off the mark after all.

#good omens #good omens fic #ineffable husbands #air conditioning #which one of you lovely readers wants to name the snake #because I am bad at that kind of stuff :D

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