#this is me saying hey im not a bad person for my intrusive thoughts OR for my reactions/feelings towards them

[saturniolos]

besties (matt sturniolo x reader) ౨ৎ⋆ ˚｡⋆

notes: this took me days. i am going BLIND plz show sum love &&&&& hey——— come talk to me ! (btw this type of editing/social media aus have been around for ages- credit goes to the person who came up with it first!!)

yourusername

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yourusername happy 20th my boys. thank u for driving me around and feeding me and being the greatest airbnb hosts when i be acting up … 🦌🦌🦌🤍 love you always.

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[icarusredwings]

Thinking about Logan fighting with Wades Hullicinations and while it doesn't do shit, Wade finds it extremely romantic.

(Warning!! Mentions mental health issues such as ending your self and harmful intrusive thoughts.)

He just wakes up in the middle of the night to argueing and obviously, he gets all upset and ready to slash some face only to find that Wade's arguing with himself again.

You just see his shoulders, arms, and hair on the back of his neck go down as he rolls his eyes, rubbing his face because he's eepy.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"T-trying to win an argument agaisnt this limp dicked fucker." And he just crosses his arms and glares at an empty seat, and some tears staining his cheeks. It's obvious it's been a while.

"Oh my god- Wade, It's 3 in the morning! There's noth-" But he sees him tilt his head and glance at the chair multiple times, more tears forming.

Logan sighs heavily and is like, "Fine. Where is he? What the fuck is so important that hes saying it at 3 in the morning?"

At first, he doesn't answer, and he just stares at the chair as more tears form.

It hits Logan now that this isn't like one of the jokey times about the films he makes in his head rather a more damaging kind. He comes over and pulls his chin up and is like, "Hey! Litsen to me, What is that garbage of a person telling you? Hm?"

He pats his cheek, and Wade cries more, trying to nuzzle into his hand, mumbling all the intrusive thoughts that his brain is subconsciously telling himself through visual and auditory falsehood. That no one loves him, how he doesn't deserve to be alive because of all the bad things he's done, how even Mary Puppins thinks the world would be better without him, etc etc. A load of bullshit bassically.

"What!? No! Why would it tell you that?"

Wade just shrugs and looks at his lap, thinking Logans is going to yell at him for believing it and be disappointed in him, but instead Logan just gets up and goes ape shit on this poor chair, kicking it across the room, stabbing it, hitting it, etc.

All while Wade is watching in awe, not because Logan is getting the shadow man but it's the point that he would go so far and make a fool out of himself just to bring him peace of mind.

During the fight, he glances to the hullicination and is like "Oh you're so fucked when he finds you." And in Wades head it turns to him with a look of worry.

Then logan stands up, panting and is like "Did I get him!?"

Wade can't help but to sniffle, wipe his tears and giggle because yeah, watching your boyfriend beat the fuck out of a random chair for you was hilarious. Al wouldn't be happy in the morning to find it in peices, but he was extremely happy. "Ppfft- you gottem Tiger!"

Logan nods, looks at the mess he's made, shrugs it off, and goes back to the bedroom with a yawn. "Good... If they weren't such a bitch ass coward they'd show their face now wouldn't they? But they're too scared. And do we litsen to pussies?"

"I-"

"Do not say yes."

"No(?)"

"Atta boy. Now come on. Im fucking tired."

Wade turns to the not so scary, anymore figment of his imagination and is like, "This isn't over asshole. He'll kill you ❤️" Then runs off to bed like, "Can I get big spoon!? "

From there on, Wade will tattle on the thoughts, sometimes swinging at them himself, calling for Logan to beat them up. So far, Logan has broken multiple chairs, a coat rack, and has put about 27 holes in the wall just so Wade can get a good nights sleep. He never actually gets them, but its the distraction and thought that counted.

"Logan.. they're back.." "Show me where."

When your boyfriend is delulu, Violence is the Solulu.

[konigsblog]

I, personally, hate the r@pe things you write.

I feel very strongly about SA and I know my feelings aren't your priority. I used to read your stuff a lot then actually ended up blocking you, but I decided to unblock you for this message.

I know a lot of people use this as a coping mechanism if they ARE victims, but hey, to each their own. You can't save everybody.

I just don't fuck with it. It's not my forte, but I know, deep down, you're not a bad person. Your brain just doesn't completely function. I, myself, have weird fantasies about military men and serial killers, but only about one's from shows, movies, or basically anyone fictional. I, myself, am extremely weird and I think I have a few mental disorders but I haven't gotten tested.

The things you write are vial, disgusting, and down right crazy, but hey, I used to fantasize about r@pe and honestly can't even imagine myself fantasizing about being violated now. I guess I've healed in a way or whatever, but I'm still into rough play and knives and such.

What im trying to say is, I feel for you and don't like your stuff at the same time. Nobody with a normal functioning, properly working brain is into what your into. It's just plain wrong. But that doesn't mean you're bad. You're just...mentally unput. Or, that's my assumption from first hand experience.

I just feel like your brain is messed up. Not in a quirky " I'm so twisted⛓️" way, but there's actually something wrong in there. Like, you're actually missin' a few dozen screws.

I have awful intrusive thoughts about hurting, killing, and/or fornicating with them and I hate this because it's a mental battle that honestly makes me wanna commit, which is why I feel so strongly about r@pe, especially as someone who gets catcalled a lot, and I am in dangerous situations often.

R@pe is worse than murder in my opinion because you can't hurt once you're done and dead, but being a survivor is an actual psychological battle that's torture, and torture is ALSO worse than murder.

I'm glad to know you don't actually support real SA and have some actual boundaries unlike the tons of idiots that I've blocked that do. Most of them have never even come close to experiencing SA, or just plain don't care.

I just think you feel this way because an actual issue with your brain. I don't mean this hatefully, even though I hate what you write. But that's just my analysis. But I am curious to know what made you this way.

you're a disgusting piece of shit, you don't know me, and let's keep it that way

[liliallowed]

phantom: sans why do half of your love interests in fanfics see me without being in the dark world. I'm not even a REAL PERSON.

dust: you what now? 💀

phantom: oh you know soul mate plot armor bullshit. like I'm wondering if they can see me why can't YOU see THEIR intrusive thoughts hm brother? ARE YOU LESSER DEVELOPED IN THIS PSYCHIC BOND?

dust: you read fanfics???

phantom: listen sans I'm your subconscious I have to be your shield for the trauma it's my job. so yes I skimmed through a bunch of stuff to protect you from being further traumatized by bad writing. you're welcome brother.

dust: pa- Phan. you DO realize there's weird stuff out there.

phantom: DONT BABY ME BROTHER IM AN ADULT IF COURSE I KNOW.

dust: Phan you're literally 3 days old.

phantom: FUCK YOU! I DO WHAT I WANT. (also I love how I'm always the sassy guy. I like it! imma keep that personality trait for myself it feels like something I'd say.)

dust: Phan can you stop trying to look into my romance life.

phantom: you see brother humans love to romanticize fucked up bullshit and people who are serial killers but the moment you show up they would call the cops! fear not I believe you will never need to worry about a love life until you go to therapy!

dust: hey that's a bit judgmental aren't you one to talk for being a fictional character manifested FROM MY trauma?

phantom: aren't you aswell but from an elderichian entity?

dust: aren't THEY from another cosmic being beyond comprehension!?

phantom: sans stop breaking the sixth wall.

[tokkias]

i feel like i've written and fed you all enough that i am allowed to swoon over my own writing, so here are some thoughts i have on some of my favourite dialogue i've written.

"Y-you just- you left me, Natsu, and you didn’t even have the decency to say goodbye, and I-" she paused, gasping for breath between her words and sobs, "and I was so lonely, I didn’t have anyone! Because it was Aquarius, and then you, and then the rest of the guild, and then I was all alone. I didn’t- I didn’t know what to do with myself, and the only person I wanted to talk about it with was you, but you weren’t there." and "But now you’re here, and I’m- hic I’m so happy, but I want to hate you for what you did, but I can’t because you’re my best friend."

from 349 days they needed to talk about this so bad and im still mad that they didn't because you know lucy had so much to say. i really wanted to convey the feeling of lucy just breaking and letting everything all out at once. natsu hurt her so bad but she can't hold a grudge against anyone, much less her best friend who she loves maybe more than anyone

"Natsu, I- What did… what did I do wrong?" She asked, desperation in her voice. He didn’t know what to say. This hadn’t been in their plans; it wasn’t something he ever hoped he would have to prepare for; it just was. Blaming herself was the last thing he wanted her to do, because he knew all of this was just some horrific, sick twist of fate. "You didn’t do anything wrong. I guess this just… happens," he offered, mumbling as his lips grazed the crown of her head.

from your fingerprints (left scars on my heart) i find natsu to be a really interesting character to write dialogue for, and i find angst to be specifically quite challenging for him, and i think this one line exemplifies why. he's not as good with words as lucy is, and in the context of this fic it's even more challenging for him to come up with words of comfort because he is also hurting. he knows it's not lucy's fault, he doesn't want her thinking that it is, but not only does he not have her eloquence or vocabulary, he also doesn't know why this has happened either, so he's just doing his best to try make her feel better.

"C’mon buddy, mean ol’ Lucy is kicking you out," he quipped as he carried Happy out the door, who seemed completely unphased by the intrusion. "Mean old Lucy won’t be giving you sex for a week if you keep talking about me like that!"

from a little bit of peace and quiet this fic is wildly underrated imo, and i understand the concept is not everyones cup of tea, but i like it a lot. natsu and lucy have such fun banter, even while they're trying to have sex, and i think this might be my single favourite piece of dialogue i've written. not much else to say, i just needed you all to read it.

Lucy cocked her head to the side in confusion. "What are you talking about?" "Yeah, why would I kiss Lucy?" Gray’s mouth fell open at their reactions; he knew what he saw, but here they were, pretending like nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred. "I don’t know!" He cried out, "You did it, not me!" "I think you were just seeing things," suggested Lucy, with a confused expression on her face that didn’t quite overshadow the knowing glint in her eyes. Natsu, he expected that from, but he thought better of Lucy to try and gaslight him. Whether or not they were didn’t matter anymore, because the two of them had just made him look like an idiot in front of the whole guild. "Yeah, Lucy’s right, maybe you need to get your eyes checked or somethin’" "Hey man, I know what I saw!"

from secret moments in a crowded room a bit of a longer one this time, but i feel like the context is important and it's another one that makes me laugh. i really enjoy writing gray, which is unfortunate considering i only really have an interest in writing nalu, but it's always a treat when i do get to write it. i love them gaslighting him and i love how he's not thrown off by natsu doing it, but it's lucy gaslighting him that pulls what he saw into question. i love how he is completely unwilling to give in even though he is wildly uncertain about what he saw, because he refuses to let natsu be right. this is also my obligatory named after a taylor swift lyric fic.

"Oh Natsu~" she began, her hands clutched to her chest and a dreamy look in her eyes, "why don’t you stay here with me? That way, we can always be together~" Natsu remained unphased by her proposal, his hands held behind his head as he mindlessly kicked his leg back and forth. "Nah, sorry, but I’ve already promised that to someone else," he replied casually, "plus, I gotta stick with Lucy, make sure she doesn’t get herself into trouble."

from i don't want to be your friend (i want to kiss your lips) a lot of good dialogue in this fic, but this one is particularly meaningful, because it's one of those ones that i came up with and felt like a fucking genius for. obviously this is a reference to the together forever line at the end of the original series which is basically just natsu proposing to lucy. even though it carries a lot of weight to it, he's able to say very casually that his forever belongs to lucy. he'll also never give up a chance to roast lucy, even though it is very much lucy making sure he doesn't get himself in trouble.

"It’s just part of the job description," he joked, "I take care of ya, and then I get to touch your boobs."

from tender love & care lines that make me commit tiny laugh. also natsu loves her boobs so.

"Is this a joke to you?" She accused. "It’s not a joke," he replied, his expression dropping into a serious gaze. "You think I’m doing all this stuff because I wanna be your friend?" Lucy had gotten so in her head about Natsu that she wasn’t even sure what any of his actions meant anymore. "Yes… No… I don’t know…" she murmured. This was all just making her feel so stupid. Of course he knew what he was doing; he wasn’t dumb, and she really should have given him more credit than that. She had simply ingrained herself so far into the friend zone that she didn’t even consider the possibility that maybe he did want to be more than friends with her. "Yeah well," he began, nervously avoiding her gaze, "I don’t just wanna be friends, and based on the way you kissed me back, I’d say you don’t wanna be either."

from taking the hint +1 to dialogue i went feral writing. natsu and lucy are such different people and they show their feelings in wildly different ways, so even though lucy thinks she understands him she really doesn't. lucy knows natsu better than anyone, but also knowing someone as a friend and knowing someone as a romantic partner are two very different things, so it makes sense that she's misinterpreting his romatic actions as just him being weird (read, autistic). she's so in her head about it that she's willing to misinterpret him straight up kissing her as a joke because she's truly fully convinced that natsu doesn't see her that way when he's been trying to tell her that he does this whole time.

"I love you," she mumbled, her eyelids heavy, lashes fluttering as she let them fall. Her sudden declaration did little to catch him off guard. They’d exchanged dozens of I love you’s in the past because it was true. He loved her, and she loved him—the same way she loved everyone else in the guild. Of course the words held weight for them, but not any more than they should have coming from any other member of their family. "I love you too," he replied, brushing her fringe out of her eyes. "Noooooooo," she whined, "I’m in love with you." Her eyes fluttered back open to meet his, and within them, he was met with a sincerity that he wasn’t sure he was able to comprehend. "It’s different."

from alcohol free i do wish that we got more of the guild members telling each other that they love them, but with the feral shipping culture i understand why we don't get that, so i simply have to insert it in my own fics instead. they do love each other, and that love is not just limited to romantic love. they loved each other platonically long before romantically and even though natsu's not much of a words guy i think they would exchange platonic i love you's with each other pretty often, i think they would with the other guild members too (lucy more than natsu). something something lucy not hearing it as a child something something. that's why it was important for lucy to make the differentiation between her loving him and her being in love with him. the love she feels for natsu is not the same love she feels for the rest of her friends, and while she's afraid to tell him that sober, drunk lucy is coming in clutch and making sure he knows.

[smoov-criminal]

Hey, I just found your blog and saw your post about OCD. I was wondering if you could talk some more about it 'cause I went through it when I was little, untreated and with no support, and I rarely do see anyone talk about what OCD is like internally. Those intrusive thoughts do come back every once in a while and scare the crap out of me. Thank you

hi! sorry i didnt answer sooner i literally never check my inbox lmao.

im definitely not the most educated person on OCD on tumblr, but im happy to share some things ive learned/thought about since my diagnosis.

1. i learned that my mom has OCD around the same time i did, which makes a lot of sense. i seem to have been the only one in my immediate family who knew she'd been dealing with severe anxiety for years, but whatever lmao. i think a large part of my OCD obsessions stem from my mom's. she wasn't aware that her feelings were abnormal, so i guess im not mad at her for that, but i picked up on a lot of it as a kid and have the anxiety i do as an adult. i think this is unfortunately a very common experience: growing up with mentally ill parents who eventually give u the same mental illness thru a combination of genetics and abuse/neglect/bad parenting/parents needing therapy.

2. mental compulsions need to be talked about more. i suspect the reason my OCD went undiagnosed for so long is because my compulsions are almost entirely mental, so no one, including myself, knew what to look for. mental compulsions include: saying/repeating words or phrases, counting words, letters, numbers, or objects, making lists, ruminating on past and potential future situations with "what ifs", trying to figure out the meaning of internal experiences like thoughts and feelings, trying to figure out the meaning of life, and even replacing an obsession with a different image/word. sorry for the long list, but i listed all of these bc i do a whole lot of them, but didnt realize theyre compulsive behaviors until recently. how are people supposed to heal when they dont even know what symptoms they have?

3. if u have intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to bigotry and pedophilia, i want u to know that u arent those things. your thoughts dont make u a bad person, there is no morality associated with your thoughts. your actions are what determine how good of a person you are.

thats about all i can think of atm, but if you or anyone else has any specific questions feel free to ask!!

[joyandeggs]

OK I REALLY HOPE THAT YOUR WRITING REQUESTS ARE OPENN

i saw ur writing with knuckle and shoot, and im fan girling so hard right now 😭😭

(tw!!) been going through a tough patch recently. if you could maybe write head canons on how they’d react if their significant other attempted suicide, i’d be forever in your debt 😔

TW: Talking about sad stuff, suic*de, intrusive and depressing thoughts

Hey! I saw this the other day, and...can I just say how thankful I am? For you checking out my writing, and for wanting to message me. Seriously, thank you so much.

I am so sorry you have been going through a tough patch lately. To be completely honest, so have I. A lot has happened to me the past year or so, and it hasn't been that great. I get too deep into my own head, overthinking everything and letting awful intrusive thoughts take me over. Depression tries to get the best of me, especially when I genuinely feel like the world would be better if I was not here. That I have no purpose in life, that my loved ones really do not love me like I do them, that nobody would ever even care about me. All of that is not true. It is not true for you, and it is not true for anyone reading this who needs to hear reassurance right now. Absolutely not. I have been doing much better than what I was for a long time now, despite the new year personally getting to me. Life for me right now is just...unfullfilling, conflicting, and stressful. Hopefully, I will get through my own rough patch. It just takes time. In the meantime, I have been sticking to making my own happiness, taking it one day at a time, and trying to stay positive. It is what it is.

I will keep you in my thoughts. ❤️‍🩹

You Are Not Alone

Knuckle

Knuckle has had his fair share of his own awful thoughts. With his unspoken past, what all he has been through growing up and making his way to become a highly ranked Beast Hunter, he has come a long way to get to where he is now.

Seeing you attempt anything leaves him wide eyed, panicking over your safety. Heartbroken, shaky, holding onto for dear life. At first, he doesn't know what to do or say, other than think of how could you possibly want to do something like that to yourself?! You are too good, too special and too important to him and to others-- But of course, he doesn't say that. He knows you, but he doesn't know what all you're going through. The best thing that he can do for you right now is, if you are comfortable with it, hold you to his chest and quietly reassure you with calming words that he can manage at the time.

"_____... Please know that I am always here for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, someone to sit with when your thoughts get to be too much, tell me. I don't care if it's the middle of the night or I'm in the middle of a mission, I will answer the phone if you call! ...You probably want me to shut up, huh? Heh, I can do that. I just want you to know how much you mean to me. How much I love you. Alright?"

Shoot

Shoot knows of these feelings well, and it breaks his heart to hear and/or see someone else going through the same. He has been through so much throughout his life, the struggles of becoming a Hunter, losing his arm, becoming stronger physically and mentally...

The moment he sees them attempt something life threatening makes him act fast. Don't. One word, and he is holding onto you, your hand, your face, or hugging you to his body. At first, he is going to awkwardly stand there and hesitate what to do, but that's just because he wants to know what he can do for you. He doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything by doing something you wouldn't want (if you prefer a bit of distance compared to actual touch and closeness.) Shoot just wants what's best for you. That being said, he will softly talk to you in order to distract you from any further bad thoughts.

"I am so sorry you're going through all of this. I know how hard it is. Trust me. I...I struggle with the same thoughts. You're not alone, _____. We'll get through this together. If you ever need anything, I will always...always be here for you."

[pururin]

having negative thoughts but not acting in a "bad" way towards another person is a good thing and sometimes it could just be intrusive thoughts. It can get bothersome too, and sometimes people do lash out if its gets to be too much. I think letting it out another way could be helpful. For me, sometimes just saying outloud "im jealous xyz" makes the feeling lighter and othertimes i even stop feeling that way altogether and find something else to think about. Again thats just me. Sometimes the emotions pass and i feel a little embarrassed about it but thats just how humans are. i think you should give yourself some grace and its good you acknowledge youre feeling some type of way! sorry for rambling, have a good night/day dude!

i usually just forget the feeling the next day honestly, and with my ex i typically did tell her about things i didn't like but it wasn't something i forced or got super angry at her about, more of a 'hey this makes me sad can you not do that' type of action

but ig i think of it more like im not being genuine, some people think im really nice but i'm here like 'uh you have no idea what im thinking' so it's even hard to accept that compliment from others, esp friends who really trust me... how can i tell them sometimes i'm not this real and its just me acting a certain way because i know it makes others view me in a more favourable lens

[nerves-nebula]

hey im sure u must hear this all the time, but like going through your blog has helped me unpack a lot of the things that ive been avoiding for a long time, and like in a healthy way? cuz you and other people sharing their stories without judgment has made me do that classic "oh haha i do that" but like. you know about that csa stuff. so thank you for being like, idk the harbinger of people being able to talk about stuff.

im one of those people who doesnt really remember things, but when i got outside information about the kind of bad person my parent was with other people in my family, it made me kind of like remember a particularly bad (violent) memory with new context for what might have been going on. and putting that together w like 'oh, i never want anyone to ever touch me sexually' and intrusive incestous thoughts, its one of those things where its like. even if it didnt happen and ive just pieced together false things, it still feels like it happened in my brain, and my brain is reacting to trauma.

idk i guess im saying im glad im not alone in having that kind of experience

i hear it so often i have a tag for it lmao. but it never gets old, and im glad to have helped you. i'm always saying people should complain more! and i mean it seems to be turning out pretty well for me and all y'all so i think im onto something here hah.

[fayebear8709]

I HATE TIKTOK. I HATE IT.

i hate that very serious mental illness symptoms (intrusive thoughts and delusions specifically) have been sensationalized and have become mainstream terms to dramaticize mundane activities.

im sorry girl but your "intrusive thoughts" where you're just being impulsive are not intrusive thoughts. you have never had an intrusive thought in your life. intrusive thoughts are fucking TERRIFYING and make you question your morality because of them. intrusive thoughts aren't just "i burst out and said fart, the intrusive thoughts won!!!" No. shut the FUCK up, and tell me you wouldn't be terrified of me if i told you what my actual intrusive thoughts were (as a person with a chronic mental illness). intrusive thoughts are not some fun thing you can have to excuse your lack of impulse control. intrusive thoughts are not real, and are more often than not never acted on because.... they're thoughts that might directly contradict your belief system, your morals, or THE LAW. if you knew what intrusive thoughts were, you wouldn't want them sweetie.

people also love to say that they're being "delulu 😝🤭✨" SHUT UPPPP. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!! the man you are being helplessly lead on by and continuing to chase is not a "delusion"; you are willingly making bad decisions. i don't have as much experience with delusions as i do intrusive thoughts but there is LITERALLY mental health conditions related to delusions. your "delusions" are not real delusions. if you can point at yourself and say you're being delusional- hey, that's NOT a real delusion, that is you doing something even though you know it's helpless and you can see how irrational your actions are. actual delusional people are probably not aware that their reality is a delusion. (i'm not wholly educated and i'm mostly just ranting, so please correct me if i'm wrong).

can we also talk about how these terms have been adapted into our vernacular as typical things? because why did we suddenly grow to accept the term "delulu", and be ok with people saying "my intrusive thoughts won"? like these are serious symptoms of mental illness. why are we making them normal terms you freaks use in your every day, not-mentally-ill life?

im sorry babe but if my intrusive thoughts won i'd be on an FBI's most wanted list--and that is precisely the reason why intrusive thoughts are not typically acted on. i genuinely cannot believe that people glamorize these things.

my intrusive thoughts have ruined my life, and every day i am terrified of my thoughts and my own mind. you people don't understand that, and i'm honestly kind of offended that you think you do.

yes, i'm gatekeeping.

because why the fuck would you want to have a debilitating mental illness when you literally don't?

[treetownconfessions]

[im going to put my two cents in, if you like the trope then read with caution because i don't like it but I don't want to hurt anyone at all, im very, very bad with words and i might come off as mean but that is not my intention even if it makes me uncomfortable]

i definitely see both views i think, but mostly agree with it being icky. But I can see how engaging in fiction is obviously way better than actually doing it

i agree with other anon, i really. really do not like the romanticization of killing and stalking people without showing how literally terrifying that would realistically be, it feels like it sexualizes intrusive thoughts of doing bad shit and also actually acting on doing it

[also i have pretty possible bpd i believe, it can feel like a romanticization of having a favourite person aswell for me which is definitely part of why it completely icks and disturbs me, the word yandere also icks me so i have the word muted, since i didn't want to say anything about it]

i apologize if i came off as mean or anything, it's a bit hard for me to say "this makes me incredibly disturbed" while being nice about it but i really did try my best, i avoid conflict so I'm trying to do that aswell while also putting my opinion out)

brta

oh hey brta!

look, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it squicking you the hell out. i do NOT judge ANYONE for disliking this sort of stuff. you like what you like, and you dislike what you dislike. that's the important part of tagging and warning for works with this sort of stuff in it!

[catdogwalk]

(discussion of sexual stuff)

actually putting it on there mmm. my relationship w my sexuality it real funny because my first time when i engaged with sexual content was actually weird mlp stuff. like it was really easy to find. then i had weird fanfiction phase then i stopped and considered myself completly sex repulsed and its weird and i dont know. i still think im ace but im not sex repulsed. i missed the period where all of my peers started having sex and considered that weird and why would you do that. i dont really experience sexual attraction atleast not regulary but also there are stuff i do in fact want. abd theres more to that and (redacted) but im not opening that up either. im not opposed on someone putting a leash on me and doing unspeakable things to me. its still weird to consider myself and talk about it like yes i in fact do want some things but also i never reallt was seriously treated by my peers as someone who could be sexual + i remember friend* in school one time saying that i give off (soft uwu) asexual vibes. she didnt say that part outloud but like come on.

im still ace and i still just stare with confusion sometimes. i still dont experience sexual attraction. i still cant rlly look at someone and go hey i want to fuck that person. but i want to be put on a leash and maybe eat out of a bowl. i dont eben know if thatbpart is sexual or just nonhuman stuff. probably both.

it does not help that my brain is all stupid sometimes and has intrusive thoughts about actual bad stuff. please stop. but i do want to be put on a leash.

also the other thing. its small enough but i geniuenly dont know it does feel very gross and makes me want to pull out all of my teeth and kill myself. bleh. but not ripping off that bandaid yet

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

perhaps controversial take but you dont have to be upset by/grossed out by/afraid of your intrusive thoughts. you can be neutral towards them. you can indulge in fantasies of doing things you know you'd never actually do in real life. you can find them annoying or aggravating or inconvenient. you can find them funny or absurd. you can have different feelings about different kinds of thoughts you have. you can find them to be good inspiration for creative projects. you can find them interesting. you can find them to be barely a blip on your radar as you go about your day.

thoughtcrime isn't a thing. youre not a bad person for having thoughts about 'bad' things, and you're also not a bad person if you're not constantly self flagellating/having a breakdown/throwing up/apologising/etc for having them. obviously if your intrusive thoughts do upset you or scare you, or gross you out then thats a valid experience and im sympathetic to you, but can we please stop acting like the only healthy response to intrusive thoughts is disgust? that's simply not true and we shouldnt ostracise people for not hating themselves for something they can't control

[mxchellesworld]

Discuss!

Spencer Reid x Reader

Synopsis; Where the team discusses the question ‘do you kiss after head’, you find out Spencer has too little experience to answer the question so you help him out

Warnings; smut, oral (male receiving), sub!spencer, praise, slight degradation 

a/n; LMAO im so sorry for disappearing again life has been actually kicking my ass but anyways lately i’ve been thinking about subby early season spence so here we go,, hope you enjoy!

***

Another Friday night and the team was out bar crawling after an easy case. But this time all members were there as it reached 11pm which was rare. Usually Hotch and JJ would have been home by 10:30 and Spencer wouldn’t have been there at all. But there was something light in the air which had all parties concerned sitting packed in a booth, laughing after each sip of their drinks. 

Since it wasn’t your first rodeo together you knew how the night went. It started off with Rossi offering to buy the first few rounds, always whiskey but he made an exception for Penelope. Then again who would deny her anything. 

Once the drinks were flowing and lips got a little loose, the questions would start popping in at the top of your heads. However these were not your run of the mill, ‘hows so and so doing?’ ‘done your taxes yet?’ oh no. The name of the game was discuss where you would all think of a question which would help you dig just a tiny bit deeper into your coworkers sex lives. 

Maybe if you were all sober then you’d avoid thinking of each other in such positions, pun intended, yet in this state your prying minds were open and your stomachs were ready to grow abs from bending over in laughter. 

You raised the margarita glass up clinking it with a fork to get the tables attention. Everyone including Aaron had a smile on their face, ready to hear the intrusive question for the night. 

“Ok my fellow profilers, doctor, and tech genius,” you added pointing at Spencer then Pen, “Do you kiss your partner after they give you head? Discuss!” you finished in your most formal voice. 

Right as you took a swig of your drink the mixed responses of yes and no filled your small space. 

“Why wouldn’t you? You guys especially, if someones willingly trying to swallow then you damn well owe them a kiss,” Emily finished earning nods and ‘exactly’s from JJ, Pen, and yourself. 

“Ok but thats weird. I just can’t explain it but its a no go for me,” Morgan finished. This only gained him a scoff and raised voices, “Hotch man help me out here,” he said looking over to the man hiding his smirk behind the amber liquid. 

“I have to agree with the ladies here Derek,” he said curtly. 

The girls yelped and hooted at Hotch for siding with them while Morgan sat with his arms crossed being the singular person left out as even Rossi agreed. Meanwhile you noticed the presence next to you had shrunk back and wasn’t too active in the conversation. 

“So Spence do you kiss your partner after they,” you trailed off shaking your fist by your cheek and poking your tongue in the side. 

He coughed as he instantly sat up quicker. Even under the dim lights of the bar you could still see the blush creeping up from his neck to his ears and the slightest tint on his cheeks. 

“Oh I uh- I never-” he said looking anywhere but your eyes. 

“You don’t kiss them?” you said raising your brows. 

“No! I-i mean yes. I would I think b-but I haven’t had the chance to actually partake in such.. activities,” he finished finally taking a look into your eyes. 

You could tell he was waiting for you to laugh in his face for being so inexperienced but you felt far from it. If anything you wished you could be the one to show him things. 

That sweet boy had you wrapped around his finger and he didn’t even know it. Maybe it was his naivety considering how exceptionally smart he was. Or maybe it was the cute sweater vests he wore and now he nervously tucked his hair behind his ears. All you knew was that you wanted Spencer Reid and tonight was your night to make it happen. 

You hummed taking in the information, “Well that’s not a bad thing Spence. Everything takes time,” you said putting your hand on his arm for comfort and giving him a smile. 

Going to turn back to face the table you almost didn’t hear Spencer go to speak again, “Do you?” 

Got him.

“Why don’t you find out pretty boy,” you said with a wink as you downed the rest of your marg. In the corner of your eye you could see Spencer shifting in his seat, subtly moving his bag to cover the slowly growing tent in his slacks. 

As the night went by you couldn’t help but really give him a show. You had popped open a button or two on the long sleeve you had on, since it was getting stuffy in the booth. Though when you leaned forward and jutted your chest out, the soft inhale of a breath from the man next to you was just serving as motivation to get bolder. 

For the last hour you called it quits on the alcohol and drank a few glasses of water before you drove home. Spencer had been uncharacteristically quiet ever since your little interactions. 

The team had all gotten up to say their goodbyes. Rossi going by and giving everyone a kiss on each cheek. Derek having to quite literally rangle Penelope from talking to passing by groups on their way out. Then there were two. 

You turned to the side where Spencer was nursing on his coke, “Hey pretty boy, it’s late, let me give you a ride home,” you said grabbing your belongings. 

“Y-yeah ok. Thanks Y/n,” he said getting up. You’d noticed how he still had the burnt orange bag over his crotch. He couldn’t still be hard could he? Well you’d love to find out. 

As gentlemanly as he was, Spencer opened the door for you to exit the building first. The whip of fresh night air cooling on your exposed chest and legs under your skirt. 

You unlocked your car and stepped in, Spencer waiting to hear the little beep signaling his side was open. As he sat down you heard him let out a little whimper. Your head shot over to look at him, you could tell from the flush on his cheeks he didn’t mean to let the noise out. 

Holding in your chuckle you started the ignition and pulled out of the lot, “Can I put on some music?” 

“Yeah I don’t mind,” he said looking over at you with his lips in a line. If it was anyone else, they’d probably think he was uncomfortable but you loved his tiny awkward smiles. 

The ride to his apartment was mostly silent besides a rare quip from Spencer about paper work or fact about an older building you had passed by. It fascinated you to no end hearing him talk. Spencer was a hand speaker, meaning he always used his hands waving them around and making gestures. The pale digits had you captivated. Probably a driving hazard but you couldn’t help but let your mind wander. 

You pulled up into one of the visitor spots and put the car in park. You looked over to see Spencer almost contemplating something. You’d seen the look on his face before when he was looking over puzzles. 

“Somethin on your mind Doc?” you said with a small smile. As cute as he looked when he was nervous, you’d never want him to feel uncomfortable around you. 

“Would you-,” he cleared his throat, “Wo- Would you maybe want to c-come inside?” 

“Of course Spence I’d love to,” you finished with a reassuring nod. 

As he led you upstairs you were giddy with anticipation. So what if nothing happened. He was your friend first and you were glad he was letting you into his personal space. Even if you wanted nothing more than to have him writhi-

“Y/n?” 

The door closing snapped you out of your thoughts. You didn’t even realize you were in his living room. The dark green walls and shelves bursting with books put a grin on your face, “Sorry Doc, just caught up in my thoughts. What did you say hun?” 

His brows practically raised to his hairline from hearing the pet name. While he was used to the names coming from Garcia they took a whole different light coming from your lips. 

“I was asking if you wanted water or something,” he said fiddling with the keys in his hands. Eyes darting everywhere but your face so you wouldn’t be able to see the flush rising on his cheeks. 

“No I’m fine thanks for asking though,” you said taking a seat on the worn leather couch. 

You reached for the tv remote making a face at Spencer to ask for permission. He nodded and you settled back turning on an old sitcom that played late at night. 

As the episode ended you both sat in silence. Again you didn’t mind but you could practically hear the cogs moving in Spencer’s brain. 

You were about to speak when he cut you off before you could even get a word out, “What did you mean by ‘why don’t you find out’.”

Gaining confidence you moved closer to where he was on the couch, slow enough for him to stop you in case he wanted to back out. 

“Well you have options pretty boy,” you said moving a leg to straddle him. Your hands instinctively going to his brown locks. You could’ve sworn you heard a little moan leave his chapped lips. Noted. 

“W-what are the options,” lust blown eyes looked up to yours. 

“One, you can put that mouth to good use on me,” you said trailing your finger over his bottom lip, “and let me cum over that pretty face.” 

His eyes shut hearing your words and you weren’t having it, “Nuh uh eyes on me honey,” instantly they were back on yours. 

“Or number two. I can suck you off and let you cum down my throat, but,” you paused making sure to roll your hips on his growing length, “ you have to give me a nice big smooch after.” 

The hands on your hips pulled you closer as he bucked his hips into you as you finished the sentence. It was clear which option was preferred. 

You moved to slide down in between his legs. You let your hands trail down his clothed thighs, causing him to jump. 

“Tsk such a needy boy,” you said mockingly, “Am I not going fast enough baby?”

“Please Y/n,” he all but whimpered. It was like music to your ears. 

Your hands went to his belt, looking up in his eyes for a final sign of permission. Once he nodded you quickly undid it and he lifted his hips to help get his pants down. You palmed him over his boxers, feeling the wet patch where he was already leaking pre cum. 

“Is this all for me Spence? Does the thought of my lips around you make you this hard,” you said taking him out of the striped confines. 

“Oh god please just,” he cut himself off. You could see his hands curling fists besides his legs. 

“Please what baby? I can’t give you anything unless you ask.” Your hands continued their task of leisurely stroking his length. 

“Fuck please put your mouth on me,” he rushed out, hips bucking to prove his point. 

The answer was good enough for you so you wasted no time in leaning forward and taking him in your mouth. Both of you let out content sighs as you tried to take him further. 

You looked up to see him with his head leaned back, eyes scrunched closes in pleasure. 

You pulled off with a pop, letting your hand work him over. “Better keep those pretty eyes on me before I decide you can’t finish.”

He looked down with a flash of worry, that was quickly replaced by a loud moan as you spit down on his cock before taking him in your mouth again. 

For a germaphobe, Spencer loved how nasty it was. He was thanking god or whatever higher being there was for giving him his eidetic memory because the sight below him was something he’d never wanna forget. 

Your eyes were teary and you had spit dribbling down your chin but he wanted nothing more than to give you more than just a kiss after you finished. Or well after he finishes. 

You could tell he was close by the way he was throbbing on your tongue. Again taking him out of your mouth you used both hands to jerk him off. 

“You’re doing such a good job baby. So good for me. You wanna cum in my mouth pretty boy?”

“God Y/n I’m so close please please please,” he whimpered out. 

“Cum for me baby, be my good boy Spence,”  you said before taking him down your throat. He was big, not girthy but long and it was a struggle but you’d be damned if you didn’t try to take him all. 

Hollowing your cheeks you bobbed your head quickly, egging on his release further. His hands finally found a place in the back of your head. Pushing you down further as he came. 

“F-fuck Y/n I’m gonna”

His moans and whines were a symphony of sounds you’d have on repeat in your head forever. 

You swallowed the salty release but before you could even wipe your lips you were being pulled up by Spencer placing his lips on yours. You moaned into the kiss, his hands gripped the sides of your face not wanting to let you go. 

The need for air made you both pull back. You looked at one another, chests heaving and looking like you ran a marathon. 

Then a sad look came across his face. 

“Spencer what’s wrong?” 

“You didn’t get any pleasure,” he said looking like a hurt puppy. Oh your sweet boy. 

“It’s ok baby, I can take care of myself,” you tried to shrug off.

He was quick to push you back on the couch, taking the spot you were previously in. His warm lips trailing down your exposed thighs. 

“I wanna do it, but only if you kiss me after.” 

[cherriesfineline]

savior next door

im on a writing trance so expect a lot of writings from me hehe, here's what i wrote last night, enjoy besties.

- fluff & a tiny little bit of smut (not really lol) | not proofread, sorry

Pairing: HarryxY/N

WC: 3.8k

the one where Harry is Y/N's shy and virgin neighbor.

The constant feeling of uneasiness has been haunting Harry ever since he almost got himself in a car accident almost a year ago.

It hadn’t been his fault – he was crossing a random street in a quiet area of New York when a hand grabbed his upper arm and pushed him out of the crosswalk, where a car speeded through without even slowing down. “Watch where you’re going, you’re going to get yourself killed.” The woman who’d saved his life scolded at him with a worrying look on her face. He remembers her eyes were glowing in such a splendor, something he’d never seen before – it intrigued him to know who his life savior was, but before he could even make a comment, the woman stormed off and got lost between the seas of people around the corner, leaving Harry in an unsuccessful search for her.

Harry has never been a people person. He always avoids big crowds, social events and especially, study groups. His university journey so far has been a lonely and reserved one, having movie marathons when not studying or discovering new kinds of herbal teas. His only form of social interaction is the occasional chat with his across-the-hall neighbor Niall, whom he considered -kind of- a close friend; his only one, in fact.

“Heard someone’s moving in to the flat next to yours.” Niall knows Harry isn’t exactly a social butterfly, and maybe it’s the fact that Harry is younger than him and how he seems like such a harmless human what makes him feel like he needs to help him. Harry just shrugs at his comment, not really interested in any possible intruder to their peaceful hallway (where both their apartments and the currently empty one in the corner were the only three ones on their floor). And maybe it was the fact that it has been almost a month since Niall’s comment what made him furious when he saw the cardboard boxes on their hallway, forgetting about the possibility of having a new neighbor.

The sudden sound of glass crashing and a loud yell snaps Harry out of his frustrated trance, stepping around the huge boxes scattered around the door next to his to knock on the doorway of the open door. Even if he really isn’t very fond of having a new neighbor that doesn’t mean he’s not going to check on them to see if they’ve gotten hurt. “Is everything alright?” He still can’t see whoever is inside, but he decides on waiting if no one replies to step inside. But he doesn’t need to, because as he was about to make his way inside, a head pops up from one side of the entry hallway, assuming that’s where the kitchen is, as he notices the apartment is a replica of his own, but inverted.

“Hey, sorry, just dropped my favorite cup.” His breath gets caught on his throat when her life savior’s face appears in sight, the cutest frown adorning her features and her sweet voice resonating through his brain. Her eyes, exactly like he remembers shine with an unbeatable glow, like a thousand diamonds under a microscope, but the image he had of her on his brain doesn’t make her justice – she is even more beautiful than he remembers. “I’m Y/N, nice to meet you. You live in this floor?” Harry can’t help but be disappointed at the fact that apparently she doesn’t remember him.

“Y-yes, next door. H-harry.” He stutters. Her presence just makes him so nervous, he can’t help it. She is probably one of, if not the, most beautiful woman he’s ever laid eyes on. Her eyes are hypnotizing, the softness of them which appears to be constant warms his insides and he thinks he could spend hours upon hours staring right at them.

“Do I know you? I feel like I know you.” Y/N’s thinks out loud, her expression alluding to her thoughts trying to place him somewhere in her memories.

“Uh, I- I don’t think so?” Harry feels embarrassed, so he couldn’t come up with a better answer. He is silently hoping she doesn’t remember the time they met all that time ago – this is his chance, he thinks, to redeem himself, for her to see him as a normal dude instead of this clumsy and shy boy who couldn’t even thank her when she saved him from being ran over by a car.

He wishes he could read her mind. What’s her first impression on him? Does she think he’s cute? She probably doesn’t. He thinks she’s too pretty to even spare a second glance at someone like him; a shy boy with bad posture and still breaking out in his forehead despite being 22. And she, Y/N, a woman who could make anyone her own, a woman who probably makes every head turn her way when entering a room. Harry feels his chest deflate as his thoughts start beating him up.

During the course of her first two months living next door, Y/N and Harry barely interact. He keeps stealing glances her way whenever they run into each other in the hallway, getting shy and cheeks reddening when she catches him every time. He gets jealous whenever he hears her walking down the hallway from inside his apartment, obvious guests coming in and out of her apartment – and if the person (because he recalls hearing both men and women) is good enough, he can even hear her sometimes through the thin wall that divides their bedrooms, her headboard clearly mirroring his. He feels dirty and intrusive during nights like these, so he opts on putting headphones on, music playing in his phone to help him drift off to sleep.

But Y/N is fascinated by him, maybe not as much as he is with her, but enough to wonder how it’d be like to reallyhave him in her life. She knows he’s a very reserved man, her animated chats with Niall more usual than not drift towards Harry and how she wishes he’d just keep looking at her when she catches his eye instead of running away – not because her ego is enormous or anything, but she is aware of the obvious crush Harry has on her. “He’s not going to start conversation, you should just go for it.” She remembers Niall told her one night after having a small chat in his threshold; because all Niall wants is for Harry to put himself out there, but he knows he needs a little extra push.

But it all changes one night. A night Y/N drinks more than usual – shot after shot going down her throat making her feel nothing but dizzy, the sensation of puke going up her throat forcing her to call it a night. Barely making it out of the elevator she stumbles on her way to her door, and Harry hears her. The sound her combat books make is so engraved in Harry’s brain he knows it’s her after just a couple of steps.

“Fuck.” Harry hears the unmistakable sound of her keys, and how she’s clearly struggling to fit them inside the lock. After a loud banging sound and what sounds like her sliding down the door, he starts worrying about her and how she’s probably not going to make it inside her apartment without a little help. So he steps outside after sliding his old white vans on to find her on the floor leaning against her door, legs bent and elbows resting on either knee supporting her head.

“Y/N?” He calls her in a whisper. She shoots her head up immediately making her insides turn, and with unfocused eyes, she looks up at him and smiles fondly.

“Hey, pretty boy.” She greets him with a soft smile, eyes closing and opening again slowly and Harry feels his stomach erupt in a thousand butterflies. Did she just call him pretty boy?

“You need help?”

“Please.” Harry’s red cheeks don’t go unnoticed by her the moment she lifts her hand to give him her keys and she honestly thinks he might explode. He helps her get up and guides her inside her home with such gentle movements she could melt in his hold, and that’s when she decides (drunk out of her mind) she wants him to hold her again, soon. And while sober.

He lays her down in her bed and announces he’s going to take her shoes off, giving her enough time to object. “I always catch you staring, you know?” Her thoughts slip off her lips unannounced, but she doesn’t really care. Harry, on the other hand, freezes in his spot, one of her shoes still in hand and with wide eyes he connects their gazes for the second time that night.

“I- I… I’m sorry- I don’t mean to be c-creepy or anything I j-just-“

“Shh.” She cuts him off, his stuttering making its first appearance of the night. “Didn’t say I don’t like it.” She confesses and wiggles her feet so he can resume his actions. Harry’s brain is betraying him more than usual right now. His thoughts are everywhere, not a single coherent answer coming to mind, so he doesn’t do anything but finish helping her out of her shoes in silence.

“Goodn-night, Y/N.” Harry left her apartment that night after carefully placing a soft blanket over her body and making sure she had a glass of water on her nightstand (he didn’t want to snoop around her apartment for some pills for her hangover, so he just left her with the duty of doing that herself in the morning) and laid in bed with so many thoughts running through his head he barely got an hour of sleep that night.

And that went on for a week. Knowing she was sleeping on the other side of the wall makes him more nervous than before now that he knows Y/N is aware of his constant staring – but who would blame him? She really is a sight for sore eyes. Y/N knocks on his door the following Saturday, and he opens it surprised to find her on the other side, mainly because she’s usually out with her friends by now every Saturday (not that he’s constantly waiting to hear her walk on their hallway, but he truly is always sitting on his living room and the thin walls of their apartment complex don’t provide them much privacy).

“Harry, hi.” She offers him the sweetest smile, but there’s a shy and nervous undertone to it this time. “I just wanted to thank you, for helping me the other night.” She clasps her hands together in front of her and nods with a tight lipped smile. “But I also want to apologize, I know I probably made you uncomfortable with uh, some comments I made.” She slightly scrunches her nose, waiting for his reply.

But Harry is, in simple words, speechless. He can’t believe there’s a sober Y/N who just knocked on his door willingly talking to him. Her voice sounds so melodic and Harry just wants to cuddle her and the giant, soft looking green sweater she’s wearing isn’t helping him ease his thoughts. He wants Y/N to hold him while she talks to him with that sweet voice of hers, he wants to hold her small hands and fill her cheeks and mouth with kisses along with every inch of her body -not that she’d ever let him, Harry thought, but a boy can dream-, but most importantly, he wants to learn every single detail about her. How she likes her coffee in the mornings, or if she prefers tea. In which position she sleeps the most comfortable in and if there’s any TV shows she re-watches just because it brings her comfort. He has so many questions he wants to ask her he completely forgets they’d been standing in his threshold for long minutes, with him just staring at her.

“It’s ok, don’t worry.” He says barely above a whisper, and they stay in their positions for a while, again with no words spoken between them, until he finally gains enough courage to ask, “Do you want to come in?” He opens his door a bit wider with a wary look on his face. Y/N nods, her smile widens and makes her eyes sparkle with that glow Harry is still fascinated by.

They sit in the couch with a long distance between them; farther away from the other than any of them like. Y/N does most of the talking, but she truly doesn’t mind – she talks animatedly about this new show Bridgerton she binge watched last night, Harry making mental notes about most things she says. He wants to remember everything, from the way her voice slightly sharpens when she mentions something she suddenly remembers to the way she moves her hands to accompany her speech; he already loves how expressive she is with her face features, and only confirms how he’d listen to her speak for the rest of his life.

Y/N manages to get more words out of him than she expected, and asks for his opinion or thoughts on most things she mentions. She hates making conversation purely about herself, she wants to know about Harry as much as she can. She wishes he would initiate conversation or switch topics with no shame, but she knows she’s asking for too much. This night alone they interacted more than the last three months combined, and Y/N is grateful for it.

Three chapters of FRIENDS had passed when she finds herself scooting a bit closer to him, carefully trying to read his body language. When he stiffens in his position, she turns her head to look at him. His cheeks are tinted a cute shade of pink, and he’s blinking a lot more than he usually does. He places both hands on his thighs and runs them up and down to get rid of the sweat accumulating on them, and he can’t help but gasp when their thighs touch, meaning she scooted even closer. As if that isn’t enough to kill him, she softly rests her head on his shoulder.

“Is this ok?” Y/N whispers, and he forces himself to turn his head to find her eyes, which are already looking up at him. He slowly nods and makes the dumb mistake of looking down at her lips. He feels the hot embarrassment run up his neck and quickly turns to face his TV again, planning on pretending nothing ever happened.

That is, until he feels the soft skin of her palm and gentle fingers grab his jaw, forcing his gaze back on her. That touch alone makes him feel more than any other human has made him feel in his entire life – but it doesn’t compare to the eruption of jitteriness washing through him when her eyes look down at his lips.

“Can I kiss you?” Harry freezes in his spot. He wonders if he heard her correctly, not believing his senses when around her, the possibility of her wanting to kiss him are too low, he thinks, and when he doesn’t respond, she slowly begins to remove her hand from his face, taking a guess on his unspoken rejection. He, for once, reacts quickly enough; he grabs her by her wrist, placing her hand back again in its spot on his jaw, and works enough courage to just go for it. Harry lowers his face to gently envelope her top lip between his own. It’s quick but sweet (just like she had expected their first kiss to be, if she’d ever got lucky enough to experience it) and when he moves away just enough to separate her lips, she wastes no time in connecting them again. This time, the kiss is longer and with more determination than before, and when Harry feels Y/N melt into him, he gains enough confidence to grab her face with both of his hands, deepening the kiss.

They stay enveloped in each other for a while, mouths molding and moving in sync with so many unspoken emotions it feels overwhelming for both – they barely know each other, they’re very aware of it, but the undeniable infatuation they both feel is stronger than they’d ever admit. Y/N feels on her face the long exhale that leaves through Harry’s nose when she softly traces his bottom lip with the tip of her tongue, and when he meets her tongue with his, the mood that was settled between them switches drastically – from sweet and innocent to needy and passionate.

Harry isn’t very experienced with kissing, let alone with anything past first base. He’d only made out with a girl all the way back in high school during his senior prom, and the girl was so harsh and desperate Harry knew that moment he wouldn’t ever share an intimate moment with anyone again unless he truly felt something for them. Now, he knows it might seem like he’s rushing things in his heart, but he’d do anything with and for Y/N – but he knows he’s not ready just yet.

His nervousness consumes him again when she moves to straddle his lap, making him whimper at the new position. He shakily places his hands next to her legs on the couch, not sure what is too much and what is ok to do. She runs her hands from his jaw down to his shoulders, and moves them all the way down his arms to his hands, giving them a soft squeeze before placing them on her waist and sliding her own back up again towards his neck, never breaking the kiss.

He unintentionally lets a second whimper leave his mouth when she sits herself down on his lap, creating some friction between their groins. He knows he’s hard – he felt his dick grow in his pants the second she touched his jaw, but knowing Y/N could feel it now put him a tad on edge. He separates their lips; their agitated breathing mixing in between them.

“I- I’ve never…” Harry begins, but he’s having a hard time finding the correct words. Y/N understands almost immediately – she’s not proud to admit she had figured he was unexperienced, feeding the stereotype of shy-ergo-virgin, even though she was correct this time.

“We won’t do anything you don’t want to,” Y/N gives him a soft peck and continues, “you can say no, but I’d love to make you feel good, if you’d let me. We can keep our clothes on.” Y/N suggests. If she has to be honest, she hasn’t dry-humped anyone since high school, but the thought of doing it with Harry lights her insides in animalistic flames.

When Harry timidly nods, she shakes her head with her eyebrows raised in a disapproving look, “Use your words, H.”

“I- I want you to- to do it. I- I trust you.” His stuttering makes Y/N’s insides warm, the fact that she makes him nervous amuses her – she’s certain she’s never made anyone this nervous before, but it is the fact that Harry admitted he trusts her what sends shivers down her spine. All she does in response is roll her hips against his – and when he closes his eyes with a pleasured groan leaving his lips, she does it again. Harry’s grip on her waist lowers to her hips, squeezing the flesh that was subtly beginning to get exposed from all the movement, and when he throws his head back Y/N takes advantage of his exposed neck to finally attach her lips to it. Her hold on one side of his face moves to grip his jaw, turning his head slightly to the side so she can suck on the sweet spot behind his ear still rolling her hips on his, and when she pokes the spot with her tongue to soothe the pleasuring sting, he unconsciously thrusts his hips up to meet hers; Y/N can’t help but smile and leave a trail of sweet, wet kisses from his new deepening bruise to the place where his neck meets his shoulders, repeating her actions there to leave a second bruise.

Harry feels his cock twitch in his pants when Y/N rolls her hips with more pressure, and they both know he’s close - his inexperience making him not last longer than a couple of minutes. “Are you going to cum for me?” Y/N asks him, holding his jaw tightly to keep his gaze on hers, and when he shyly nods she adds, “I want you to look at me when you do it.”

Harry can’t believe what’s going on – he has the most beautiful woman in the word on top of him about to make him cum, and he’s sure he’s going to come so hard he’ll probably have to throw his briefs into the trash. Her gaze staring so intensely into his eyes is what makes his insides finally explode, his eyes seeing white for a moment – with his mouth open ajar and glossy eyes he feels the large amount of cum spurting from his cock, making a mess inside his pants. The pleasure and fullness he feels during this moment is something he has never experienced before, never thinking he would surrender this fast over someone else’s actions. Y/N slows her movements but doesn’t stop for a while, allowing him to empty his insides until he hisses at the friction. Harry hugs her lower back to pull her closer to him, and Y/N lets her head drop to his shoulder so they can both catch their breaths.

They stay like that for a while, hugging each other with Y/N running her hand softly through his chocolate curls and Harry tracing small circles on the small of her back.

“You saved me from a car accident, a year or so ago.” Harry confesses – the pure bliss he’s feeling makes him dizzy and unaware of his words.

“I know. I remember.” Y/N confesses herself, and when Harry’s soft caresses stop at her back, she removes her head from the warm spot on his neck to look at him in the eyes, finding a confused frown in his eyebrows and lips in a small pout – she kisses him soft and quickly, not being able to contain herself. “I figured you either didn’t remember or didn’t bring it up for a reason, so I chose to not mention it.” She shudders and gives him a soft smile.

“Was embarrassed, still am.” Harry whispers with red cheeks, and Y/N’s laugh resonates through his living room, and if he wasn’t already obsessed with her, her laugh completes his way there.

“So cute.” She pecks his lips. “Can’t believe it took us this long to… talk.” Another peck. A knowing look on her face knowing damn well they did more than talking.

“You are too pretty. And intimidating. Can’t even walk in front of you without tripping over my own feet.” Y/N giggles at his confession, finding him even more amusing.

“Do you want to go on a date tomorrow?” Y/N asked, not being able to wait another day to ask. Harry feels his cheeks hurting from all the smiling, but he is too content in this moment.

“I’d love to.”

x

As always, feedback is truly appreciated,

love, Joey.

[technowoah]

Hello can I request number 50 from the fluff list a dream x reader plz

IT'S YOU [12:56 am]

I HOPE THIS IS CUTE!

I POSTED TOO EARLY IM SORRY BUT IT'S FINISHED NOW

Dream x gen neutral(?)reader blurb

50) I'll love you until you love yourself.

⚠︎ insecurities, slight angst, not proofread, fluffiness, swearing, i didn't proofread 🙄

You and Clay have been together for a year now. Its been a beautiful year together and even better when you two found out that you both lived closer than you two thought. You both loved every second you two were together. It felt like you two were still in the honeymoon phase, but you both had struggles to work through. It was normal.

Today you were at Clay's house, lying in his bed until he was done streaming. You were engrossed in your phone that Clay's yelling became distant to you. You weren't too obsessed with how you looked, you were pretty confident, but everyone has those days where they get insecure.

Comparing yourselves to other streamers wasnt a passtime for you, but it was now. Just looking at how their fans compliment their face shapes and how their eyes look in the lighting. I mean they were beautiful and deserved the praise, but you were nothing like them. You weren't as confident as them, and your mind was currently telling them that they looked better than you too.

Somehere in the depths of your mind you knew that those intrusive thoughts were false, but they kept flooding your mind. You fell deeper into the rabbit hole and ended up looking up celebrities, and more streamers you knew on Instagram. Your eyes were still glued to the screen comparing your body to theirs, you were so into it that you didnt feel the bed sink next to you.

"Hey! Listen to me!" Clay whined as he spooned you from behind, hugging you tightly. He tried to bring your attention to him, so you put your phone down for the time being.

"I require attention. I streamed for 2 hours and I need human interaction." He kissed your cheek as you tried to turn around in his grasp.

You finally tuned around with his arms still around you. Both of your faces were close just enjoying eachothers company in the silence. It was a while for Clay to show you his face, and you felt special since he only showed his face to select friends. You always felt special with him because many would kill to be where you are but he chose you, you chose him.

"What's up?" Clay smiled.

"Nothing~" You sighed trying to push down the past thoughts of insecurities you had.

"Were you watching the stream? You probably could hear me in the other room." Clay laughed as he adjusted how he layed with you.

"I wasn't actually, but I could hear you. I'm surprised you didnt install some soundproof walls or those foam things."

"I'll consider." Dream hummed. You both layed sideways facing eachother as he rubbed his hand up and down your waist.

His hands began to feel uncomfortable on you, like they weren't meant to be there. You began to fall back into your mind if he actually loved how you looked and acted. He can find so many other people with better personalities. You shifted away from his touch, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

You knew it was wrong to think this way, you knew it was unhealthy, it wasn't fair to Clay either. It had to be stopped soon, but you couldn't find the strength to stop it.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Clay asked.

"Only a penny?"

"10,000 for your thoughts?"

"10,000 pennies or dollars?"

"Whichever gets you to talk to me." Clay had this look in his eyes, that you hated. That look made you spill everything on your mind, it made you crumble infront of him, and it was okay.

"Why aren't you letting me touch you?" Clay asked you carefully. "Im not trying to start anything bad, but I just want to know."

You took a big sigh before letting everything out. "Clay, I feel like shit. It's bad right now, have you ever compared yourself to another person? Their personality, their look, just you want to be them, be better. Sometimes I feel inadequate to my friends, I feel like I can look better than I am right now."

You paused for a moment to gather your thoughts. "I feel like you can do better-"

"Okay I draw the line at that. Im sorry I'm listening to you, but that's uttet bullshit." Clay spat out.

Your eyes widened when Clay sat up in the bed. "You are amazing! Dont let anyone else or you say otherwise! I love you because you are you, I dont want anyone else. I need you to believe that, I know you do! You believe that, but at these moments know that you are worth all the love you get. From me and from your fans." Clay pulled you up to sit upright with him.

"I'll love you until you learn to love yourself." Clay kissed you on the nose and brought you into his arms for a long hug, sitting on his lap with your legs on either side of him.

"Thank you love, I just needed to get that off my chest. It's just intrusive thoughts s'all." You said while holding him close.

"I know, but I hate that you think that way sometimes. I wish I could erase all of that." Clay mumbled into your shoulder.

"I know too, but you can't we can only just remind eachother and try to get rid of intrusive thoughts. They'll always be there, but it's how we deal with them."

"Hmm wise words." Clay chuckled.

"I love you, you know that." You said while kissing his cheek.

"I know. I live for you, you know that." Clay said in response to you.

You moved yourself off of his lap and back onto the bed beneath you two. "Now you're trying to one up me?"

Clay laughed. "I always one up you. Like in Minecraft, that's why you'll never be a hunter."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes at him. He continued to tease you about why you'll never be in a manhunt video, but you knew he meant no harm. It feels good to feel loved even when you dont love yourself. Even if its for a minute or an hour, sometimes you need that. It didnt make you feel guilty when you need the reassurance, but times like this dont make you feel guilty.

Its always you and him against the world. And against your mind.