#this is really frustrating :') I mean idk what else she might have in store for the session but as of right now it's just

[blujayonthewing]

we're playing Nyssa's campaign on new year's eve and her DM messaged us that we're picking up where we left off-- which was waiting to meet up with a new PC, whose player has since moved out of state-- and that we've got a couple days with no objective and 'think about what you'll want to do, the time is yours :)'

we've only just got into this campaign so our characters barely know each other yet and we have no real overarching goals or dangling plot threads or personal projects we could really be working on during in-town downtime, so like.......... I mean I can think of one thing my very touch starved satyr would love to spend the next two days doing, if that's what we want this entire session to be about,,

[sammyboyimagines]

Hate to Love You

Pairing: Robin Buckley x Reader

Summary: Robin and Steve are working together, and you are working there too. It seems like Robin hates you. But it's because she thinks you like Steve. She believes she hates you, but Steve sees right through it. 2.3k words

Warnings: angst, light language, fluff, robin being mean, idk what else

//i was so excited to write this I think you'll enjoy it, it's so cute and unnecessarily angsty

"Look at her. She's just so charming I want to throw up." Robin leaned against the counter with Steve, watching you put signs and themed posters up on the video store's walls. The morning sun hit you at just the right angle, making you look like an angel. Robin was staring at you again, getting lost in your movements and quirks.

Steve laughed, "What? She's just hanging up posters." the sound of clattering items made Robin look up at you. "What a clutz." Robin thought it was incredibly cute how clumsy you were, and it disgusted her. Why did you have to be so perfect, so pretty?

Robin walked over to you, helping you clean up. "Here." she handed the items to you. "Thanks, Robin." You gave her a saccharine-sweet smile. She felt herself being dragged into your enchantingly gorgeous eyes, however, she pulled herself away with a huff. "Just- Don't let it happen again." Robin sounded harsher than she intended to, but she walked away leaving you to your task.

"What the hell was that? 'Don't let it happen again'?" Steve was shocked at Robin's unexpected mood change. Robin rolled her eyes and walked into the backroom. "I really don't want to talk about it, Steve. You wouldn't understand." She truly thought he wouldn't. He was oblivious to a lot of things. Especially when one of his coworkers had feelings for him.

"Oh really? Because it sounds like you're fighting with Y/n. What happened? Did she hurt you?" Steve's protective side came out when his best friend was brooding and frustrated. 

"No! She's just so perfect. It annoys me. When she talks to me I have to tear myself away due to the fact that she's just so irritatingly flawless." Robin had no idea that Steve knew exactly what was going on.

"And she won't quit looking at you, talking to you, and being so close to you. Like, we have work to do! She needs to get away from you and focus on her work!" Steve hid his smile, he knew jealousy when he heard it.

"She's like in love with you or something, it-it's not professional. I don't know why I'm even telling you this. It's just so annoying, I try to talk to her but every time she looks at me she's with stars in her eyes, she stares into my soul." Robin fixes her hair.

"Might wanna look your best so we can compete with Princess out there, she's taking all our commission." Robin wasn't jealous. She was in love, and she couldn't see it. She wanted-no needed to look good for you.

Steve watched Robin mess with her hair and makeup in the mirror, a smirk on his face. "Robin, you can be so stupid sometimes." He laughed, to which she responded. "You too, dingus." 

You looked around the room for them. You were fairly new and needed some assistance with something. "Steve? Can I have help with something?" you opened the door to the backroom. "Yeah, be right out, give me a second." He smiled at you with a thumbs up, ready for you to go away. 

You closed the door and let out a quiet sigh. You felt rejected, they'd hang out as a pair and leave you alone. You knew it was because you were new, however, you hoped that they'd at least like you, it appeared that Robin hated your guts. You walked over to where you were working, waiting for Steve.

"See? She's all over you, her voice is so pretty it's grating. She does it on purpose to get your attention!" Robin was completely convinced you were head over heels for Steve. It made her feel sick inside. "She tosses her hair and offers you one of those cutesy smiles. She does it all the time!" Robin watched Steve hold back laughter. "What, dingus?"

Steve ran a hand through his thick hair and laughed. "I'll tell you when her shift is over, okay? You're gonna be so shocked." Steve was looking forward to telling Robin how smitten she is for you.

Steve helped you, studying your body language like a textbook. You weren't into him. "Thanks, Steve, I am so bad at remembering things sometimes." You smiled at him and put a hand on his arm. It was a friendly gesture in your eyes, but Robin felt like knocking over every stack of films sitting on the front desk. 

Steve walked over to her, observing as you deal with a customer. "I see what you mean. She does have nice eyes." Steve knew Robin wouldn't pass up an opportunity to talk about you. 

"Right? Did you see the way she was staring at you? It's so annoying, she abuses it to get what she wants. She probably could. She's so stunning to anyone who walks in." Robin went on about how lovely you were and how it made her sick.

Robin never helped you out during your training. Because whenever you'd glance at her, it made her ridiculously nervous. She scarcely helped you out because she felt that you'd rather have Steve assist you. 

"She was literally touching your arm. I bet her hands are soft. If she could have one flaw then I wouldn't hate her as much as I do." Robin said that a little louder than intended.

"I wouldn't hate her as much as I do." that's what you heard. You peek up from your task to meet their eyes from across the room. You had dealt with hateful people in your previous job, but it still hurt knowing that they were talking about you.

Steve went pale. "Shit, she heard you." he was terrified that he just fumbled the bag for Robin. Robin didn't respond. She was observing you walk up to the front desk they were sitting at.

"I'm gonna take my break early." your voice cracked near the end, surprising the both of them. Robin's face softened at that, but she didn't say anything. Steve grasped your hand. "Y/n, it's not what it sounds like." you ripped your hand away.

"No, you don't have to make up a ridiculous excuse. All I ask is that you guys treat me like a person. You've both made it very apparent I don't belong here, but this is the only place I can work right now, so you're gonna have to deal with it." 

Steve let you leave for your break. "Robin, we messed up big time." Steve paced around the store. Robin didn't fully grasp the situation. "Yeah, you're pretty little girlfriend hates you now." She smirked.

"No! Your girlfriend! Don't you realize what's happening here?" Robin frowns. What the hell was he talking about?

"You're in love with her!" Steve's words made her stomach drop to the floor. "Steve, what are you talking about? You don't know what you're saying!" She was in heavy denial.

"You're so busy hating her that you fell in love with her. It's so obvious, Robin. The way you talk about her. You call her alluring, beautiful, enchanting. Have you ever heard anyone call someone they loathe... enchanting?" He crossed his arms over his chest. 

"No! It's just because everything she does is flawless, that's why I hate her. She's so pretty and perfect and it irritates me." she tried to defend herself, yet Steve wasn't having it.

The realization hit Robin like a truck. "Holy shit you're right." her eyes widened. "Now she thinks I hate her! What do I do?" She was panicked now. Robin was hardly ever mean to someone, and now she was being mean to the person she cherished more than anyone.

"Well above all else, you need to apologize. And if she forgives you, explain everything, and I mean everything. If she doesn't forgive you, try to move on. We've treated her like garbage, I wouldn't expect her to forgive us." He sighed and lightly banged his head against the desk.

The rest of the shift came and went. Robin never had enough time to apologize, even though Steve was practically breathing down her neck to get her to apologize. "If you don't talk to her you will lose her. This time you're the dingus, now go!" 

You had your keys in hand, and you walked out of the store looking tired and worn down. But Robin thought you looked as beautiful as ever. "Y/n, wait." she grabbed your arm. "Can we talk?" She watched your face. She thought it was so cliche how your eyes glistened in the moonlight outside the video store.

You gave her a minute nod. Here we go...

"Y/n, I want to start off by apologizing. I'm so sorry for everything. I've treated you like dirt and you don't deserve that at all. You are wanted here. You're needed here. I need you here." Robin held back her rambling, it was the most difficult thing she's ever had to do.

"I'm so sorry for what I said earlier, for what I've been saying behind your back. It took Steve screeching at me for me to acknowledge how stupid I've been." she held your tired, overworked hands in hers. Soft. Just like she anticipated.

"You don't have to forgive me, I completely understand if you want to forget this whole discussion but I need to get this out before I explode." she took a deep breath. "I realized that I'm mean to you because I have feelings for you.." she dropped that bomb of truth, and it shocked you.

"Wha-How does that make any sense?" You watched Robin start to panic. "I know, I know it doesn't make any sense. I kept telling Steve that you were so perfect it bugged me. I'd tell him that you were too pretty to work here and that I had to look good to compete with you. But the reality is, I wanted to look good for you. I complained about you because I didn't want to have sentiments for you. After all, we were so close all the time, but I did. I did and now I've ruined it because I was too stupid to realize why I felt these things about you." Robin was attempting to hold her tears back. This was all very impulsive.

"Are you serious? You're not joshing?" You watched her face for a sign that maybe she was messing with you. "No! I'm serious. I know I was an asshole but I suppose I was scared to have feelings for you because you're so perfect and I can't even come close. And I know that you presumably like Steve and I guess I just couldn't stand to see you being so close to someone that wasn't me-"

"You think I like Steve?" you interrupt her. "Robin. Steve and I are friends. If I'm being completely honest, Steve has tried to set us up many times but I keep telling him no because I was concerned you didn't like me." Robin didn't know how to respond. "Really? I thought I hated you but I idolize you." 

"I accept your apology. If you want to go out sometime, I'd love to go to dinner or something." You grabbed a pen from your bag. "Here's my number." You wrote it on her hand. 

"Are you serious? You forgive me?" She was beaming ear to ear. You laugh and it causes her face heat up. Hearing your laugh was one of the highlights of her day, even better when it was Robin who made you laugh. 

"How about this Friday after our shift?" you smiled brightly, reminding Robin why she liked you in the first place. Your sweet smile and even sweeter personality. It was like she was in a trance, caught up in the fact that this was happening. The girl of her dreams was in front of her, in front of the Family Video store, forgiving her and asking her out to dinner.

"Robin?" she came out of the trance when you said her name. It sounded amazing coming from your lips. "Yeah, that sounds amazing. Thank you for letting me talk to you. I was worried I scared you away." 

You shrugged and chuckled. "You almost did, but a certain someone convinced me not to quit after my break." You look inside the store to see Steve peeking out the window watching with the largest grin on his face. What a dork.

"I'm so sorry for all of it." Robin looked down at the sidewalk. Even though she had your forgiveness, the guilt was engulfing her. You could see her combating her inner thoughts, so you pulled her in for a hug. 

"I know you're going insane in that head of yours. I'm okay. We'll be okay. Let's take things as they come and we'll see where all of this takes us." you pulled back a little to look at her, she was blushing like mad. It was cute. She was also looking at your lips.

"Can I kiss you?" she asked, hopeful. You giggled and leaned forward to kiss her, answering her question. Her hands found their way to your waist, pulling you in to keep you in the kiss as long as you'd let her. Robin smiled in the kiss. Even your lips were soft. Just like she'd fantasized.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Robin." You pulled away, planting a kiss on her cheek. She held her face, nodding. "Yeah, see you tomorrow."

Once you drove away, Robin went back inside to see Steve laughing. "That went way better than I thought it would. I fully expected her to slap you. Well done." He pats her on the back. 

"Shut up and drive me home, I have to get enough sleep. I've got work and a date." She confessed. Steve locks up. "You learned from the best, I taught you how to talk to girls," Steve smirked

"Remind me, where's your girlfriend?"

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

If this is not too personal, how does your family/siblings etc. react to you being a lesbian? Because I was just having fun with my siblings and my brother joked about beating up my boyfriend if I have one and when I slightly hinted that my ‘boyfriend’ could be a girlfriend he said he’d still beat her up and deadass said ‘don’t dirty this family’ as in ‘don’t fucking pull this family into dirt by being into women and giving us a horrible reputation for having a lesbian daughter/sister’… I’m straight up hurt and furious and feeling like weeping now cause even though I could have guessed my brother is homophobic I didn’t expect him to be like that. My brother believes that siblings should stick together but that apparently doesn’t count if I’m not into men. I’m from a Turkish family too and being homosexual in a Turkish family straight up means that you might as well not be a part of this family at all. Turkish people are rather conservative and still thinking in an old way which is frustrating. :( Especially because it’s Muslim households too, and yk Islam and homosexuality does not go well..

I’m very sorry if you don’t accept vents etc. I was just curious about if your family is or thinks like that too or if you had the same experience? Feel free to delete this if this might be triggering or if my question was too personal etc.

I'm very sorry that happened to you. I wish I had advice, but I don't. All I can say is that there are people out there who will love and support you. I hope you can find them.

My family is democratic but I did worry that I'd be met with homophobia (and I was) when I came out. My father was a deeply Christian man. He straight up claimed to get visions from God. He never directly said anything homophobic. The one thing I can remember is being in a shoe store when I was little and asking my father why pink shoes were in the men's section. He made a sort of disgusted face and said it was for men on the "wise side". Why did he use that phrase as a stand in for being gay? I don't know, but I do think it's kind of funny. Apparently gay men are wise!!

Anyway, as you can imagine, I was not particularly stoked to come out to him.

My mother was worse and better. She was not as religious as my father. She had gay friends. She loved Ellen Degeneres. I never heard her say anything homophobic growing up. However, she was worse because she's abusive 💀 When I was a child, I wondered why my father would be with her when she was so fucking mean and awful. I wanted nothing to do with her. I wouldn't leave my room if she was hanging about. Just generally a really awful mom. I had no strong feelings about coming out to her. I didn't think she was homophobic but I didn't wanna tell her things in general.

Like most gay kids, my parents knew before I told them. When I officially told my dad, he didn't care. Didn't say anything about it. He wasn't homophobic towards me or anything.

Honestly, I'm just now realizing how funny it is that my deeply religious father had no qualms about me being gay but my mom did 😭.

My mom wasn't like. Violently homophobic when I came out. Just casually so. She was all like "so you like to dress like a boy??" in a really unpleasant tone of voice. And she asked me to "keep an open mind" and constantly accuses me of actually being bisexual. She says that I "think" I'm gay. It's just very casual homophobia on her part. She clearly doesn't like the fact that I'm only interested in women even though she claims to love me and accept me no matter what. It's very clear that seeing me with a man would make her happy.

Idk. My coming out wasn't awful. My brother is bisexual. I don't have a relationship with anyone else in my family tbh. So, yea, that's my story. Also, I accept all types of asks. My inbox is always open.

[izzy-b-hands]

I was thinking abt the occasionally fun but mostly frustrating tradition(in the states at least idk for sure if anywhere else does this?)of valentine's day boxes made for school.

That led me here. steddyhands and the dilemma of the valentines day box assignment for louis and alma, special feature on izzy and his rising blood pressure (sorry izzy bby akdnfjgn), which I'll be real i talk more abt in my tags on this since this probably isn't gonna be written out any further, so yeah. More plot talky izzy stuff in my tags.

Noting this in my tags too, but a moment to specify that ed and stede aren't trying to have like. a shitty parenting moment in this, they're just human and excited abt the situation and sorta fuck up a bit.

---

"The point is that they make the box themselves," Izzy says, for what feels like the hundredth time. "The only grade they get is 'did they do it or not'. Their teachers bolded that part of the email, remember? Said to mind getting too competitive about it?"

"Now I think Frenchie would happily take on the commission," Stede continues, thumbs tapping at his phone keyboard. "He'll reply quickly; he always does for me."

"It's a cardboard box," Izzy says. "To hold paper and cardboard valentines and cheap candy. That's it!"

"Money will help, but the overall design needs to be good," Ed says to Stede, as if Izzy and the kids aren't still standing there. "Money can buy resources, but it can't buy pretty, no matter how nice those resources might be."

"Oh that's good! Applies to other things too, I like it!"

"We bought them new shoes last week," Izzy sighs. Why does he keep trying? He couldn't say. "They each have a box already. We just need to help them decorate the boxes. That's it. That is all the teacher means with this project. I even asked Mary and Doug how they read it, and they agreed with me!"

"Ooh Frenchie has mock ups!" Stede cheers softly. "I knew he'd come through."

"It's okay," Alma pats Izzy's hand. "You tried really hard to make them understand. They're just excited."

"Can we go to the art stuff store now?" Louis whines, tugging at Izzy's other hand. "They won't even notice if we leave!"

"We should leave a note at least," Izzy says.

"Dad does love well written notes and random acts of abandonment," Alma sighs. "You dictate and I'll write. I want to practice my cursive."

"Really?"

"Dad can't read my cursive well yet."

"That makes more sense," Izzy says. "Louis, what are you-"

He watches as Louis tugs Stede's wallet from the countertop, and bolts outside, prize held up over his head with both hands.

"He won't notice," Alma reassures him. "You shouldn't have to pay for our stuff for this anyway."

"You've done this before."

"We'd be stupid if we hadn't," Alma tears a page from her notebook. "Here, I wrote it myself. I'm gonna get Louis in the car."

She's out the door after Louis, hands clapping to get his attention just like Mary did with them both.

"Either of you want to help me address that?" Izzy asks Ed and Stede, who he realises have indeed not stopped talking to each other the entire time. "She's a bit young to be acting like that, yeah?"

They're in their own world. Normally, he wouldn't care, but he's Guardian Five out of many and it feels like Parent/Guardians 1-4 could and should have already noticed it ahead of him.

"Fine," Izzy drops Alma's note by Stede's hand, deciding not to read it. That she actually went through with writing it is kindness enough. "I'm going to let her rack up a ridiculous bill on one of your seven credit cards, and they'll make those stupid fucking valentine boxes so fucking ornate..."

His anger fizzes out mid-sentence. Stede isn't listening. Ed isn't listening. Alma keeps honking the horn in the car and how did she get the fucking keys?!

"You know what? Fast food and ice cream for dinner too," Izzy adds. "On your dime. We'll bring you something back."

He turns his attention to Alma and the frank abuse of the car's horn. "Alma! The neighbours already don't like us, let's not make it worse! Not unless you've got something worse than this planned for later-"

--

The door thunks shut.

"Oh," Stede looks over to it. "Didn't Izzy just say something?"

"No idea," Ed replies, looking through design ideas on his phone. "Why?"

"They were just here," Stede continues. "Him and the kids. Right?"

"Maybe they went out for an after school snack," Ed shrugs. "To get inspired for this big art box project thing."

"Is that what this is? What was this for again?"

"Dunno for sure, but look at this," Ed turns the phone to show Stede the screen. "For Louis?"

Stede lets his concerns drop again. Izzy will mention if they're missing any key details about the kids' projects and what needs to be done. "I think he'd love it! Save that."

The house is getting dark around them, and he wonders if Izzy and the kids will be home for dinner.

[vergess]

Slowly realizing how much Christmas-related shit I reblog this time of year and am only now rethinking it in terms of Jewish/ not culturally Christian friends and followers who are sick of having Christmas shoved down their throats. Do you think there’s a tag I should add to my posts to let people avoid that content? I was thinking “xmas content” or something so that it doesn’t have to also mean blacklisting holiday-related discourse that people might want to engage with, but idk. Any thoughts?

I tag 'Christmas' or 'Christmas CW' myself, but, only on posts where "Christmas" isn't already in the text already.

So, for example, I might tag a post of Christmas recipes that are called "holiday treats" in the text.

Most of the stuff that makes me boil with annoyance is, like, stuff in the grocery store that I can't really opt out of, you know what I mean?

Like, it's super nice that you want to make your tumblr a more welcoming space and I encourage it! But it's also your space, so you can and should partake of your festivities!!

My frustrations stem from how inescapable it is in doctors' offices and stuff, where I have to run that quicktime event of "do I reply by lying about being christian, by giving a Suspiciously Neutral, or by telling my nurse I'm the only Jew she's ever met in her life"

(The correct answer is, D, "And a happy new year!" but I never remember in time and stutter through my own Merry Christmas in return)

So I mean... I guess if you're working somewhere and you notice people conflating Christmas with All Holidays, or else trying to use the """""""secular"""""" nature of Christianity's second highest holiday to make employees wear Christmas uniforms, etc, that's the stuff I would worry about way more.

In terms of tumblr, though, just getting in the habit of adding "#christmas" to posts that don't include the word is by far the most I would expect on a personal blog, and maybe an additional "#christianity" if you're running a politically focused blog.

[iamanartichoke]

I wrote a Thing. It’s extremely long. I’d prefer it not be reblogged; I wrote this for my own catharsis and would prefer it not be circulated, bc of Reasons. 

I changed my mind, okay to reblog. <3 

Under a cut for (extreme, did I mention?) length. 

So I got about 12 minutes of sleep last night, as you do, and around 3am or so I found myself - out of sheer curiosity - going down a meta hole of Ragnarok discourse, trying to figure out where this "satisfying redemption arc" for Loki happened. (I mean, there's a lot of things I would like to figure out, but I started there.) Because I could. 

Basically I was looking for meta that went into detail about how Loki was redeemed in a satisfactory way. The ‘satisfactory’  is an important word here bc there is a redemption arc in the film, in that Loki starts off the film as an antagonist (kinda) to Thor and he ends the film as an ally to Thor, standing at Thor's side. In that sense, yes, there's a redemption arc. I didn't find much (and I had no idea how much people just despise Ragnarok "antis" [I really dislike that word] but that's another topic [that I don't particularly want to get into, tbh]) but I did find some. I read what I could find, and I read it open-mindedly, and overall I came away feeling like, okay, there are some valid points being made here and I can kinda see where they're coming from.

But it was a bit (a lot) like -- flat. Idk. The best comparison I can think of is that it’s like if a literature class read, I don't know, The Yellow Wallpaper for an assignment, and some of the students came away from it feeling like it was a creepy story about a woman slowly driving herself insane, and the other students came away from it incensed at the oppression and infantilization of women in the late 19th century -

- and neither side is wrong, but the former is a very surface-level reading and the latter isn't (bc it stems from looking at why she drives herself insane, why she was prescribed 'rest' in the first place, the context of what women could and couldn't do back then, etc; basically, a bit more work has to go into it). 

[Note: I am not disparaging the quality of The Yellow Wallpaper. At all. It’s just the first relatively well-known story that popped into my head.]

In this sense, I can see the argument for Loki's redemption arc, but I don't think it's a very good argument. Not invalid, but not great.

I mean, for example, I think the most consistent argument I found variations of re: Loki's redemption is that Ragnarok shows Loki finally taking responsibility for his bad behaviour and misdeeds. This includes recognizing that his actions were fueled from a place of self-hatred and a desire to self-destruct in addition to bringing destruction on others. That he probably feels awkward and regretful of these things and doesn't know how to act around Thor, but he figures it out by the end, and decides that returning to Asgard is the best way to show that he's ready to make amends. His act of bringing the Statesman to Asgard is an apology. He allies himself with Thor and ends up in a better place, both narratively (united with Thor once again) and mentally (having taken responsibility and made amends for his past).

And setting aside that he had already made amends by sacrificing his life in TDW (and also setting aside that the argument is made that Loki redeems himself in IW by sacrificing himself to Thanos but if that's the case, wouldn't that imply that he hadn't achieved redemption in Ragnarok or else there would be no need to achieve it again in IW? Or, if you think he did achieve redemption in Ragnarok, then what the fuck did he give his life in IW for? What was his motivation there, and why did the narrative not make it clearer? I digress.) 

- setting aside those two factors, I think this is a very fair argument. Loki is fueled by self-hatred, and he does want to self-destruct, and he does want to inflict that pain on others as well (particularly Thor). No lies detected here. 

However, I also need to know where that self-hatred and desire for destruction (toward himself and others) comes from and for that, we need to go back to Thor 1.

Thor 1. 

Loki starts Thor 1 out as "a clenched fist with hair," to borrow a quote from the Haunting of Hill House (that I tucked away in my mental box of Lovely Things bc it says so much so very simply). He's very used to bottling everything up, pushing it down; he slinks around behind the scenes, pulling the strings to this plot or that. He's "always been one for mischief," but the narrative implies that the coronation incident is the first time Loki's done anything truly terrible. And it all immediately pretty much goes to shit, so Loki spends the rest of the movie frantically juggling all these moving pieces while trying to seem as if he's got it all under control, every step of the way. That's how I view his actions. 

But I always come back to that quote where Kenneth Branaugh tells Tom, of the scene in the vault, "This is where the thin steel rod that's been holding your mind together snaps." In other words this is where Loki discovering he's Jotun is just one thing too many. He can't take it. But though the rod snaps, his descent isn't a nosedive. It's a tumble. As the story progresses, the clenched fist starts to loosen, the muscles are flexed in unfamiliar ways (that feel kinda good, after being stiff for so long), and it culminates with the hand opening completely and shaking itself out. All of that repression, that self-hatred, that rage and jealousy just explodes so that, by the time the bifrost scene happens, Loki's already hit bottom. It's not just about proving his worthiness to Odin. He wants to hurt Thor, too; he, essentially, throws a tantrum. (That's right, I said tantrum.) 

(Note: The word 'tantrum’ has negative connotations bc we normally equate it with a toddler stamping their feet and screaming in the aisle when their parent won't buy them the toy they want. But in itself, the word tantrum isn't infantalizing. It's an "emotional outburst, an uncontrolled explosion of anger and frustration" [paraphrasing from dictionary.com]. That's exactly what happens here [and why Tom called Loki's actions a massive tantrum, but people took that to mean Tom agreed it was childish whereas I doubt Tom meant it that way]).

He's been pushed past his limit, and he does bad things. He does really shitty things. He hurts Thor, he hurts his family. I'm pretty sure he knows this all along so this isn't, like, some revelation further down the line that "hey, those things I did were probably kinda bad." He got the memo already. 

Ragnarok 

Fast forward to Ragnarok, and we're introduced to a version of Loki who's had 4ish years to sit with everything that's happened. To sit with it and not do much else. The rawness of it has faded, and now it seems as though it's just become a thing, like when you move through life aware of your childhood traumas and have more or less just accepted them (and you probably share a lot of really funny depression memes on Facebook, which is kinda the equivalent of Loki's play, but that's probably just me). 

Loki has, more or less, chilled out. He seems more bored than anything else; he's been masquerading as Odin for longer than he ever planned or intended to, so he's more or less ended up hanging out, letting Asgard mind its own business, and entertaining himself with silly plays. This is the version that starts out the movie as an antagonist to Thor - a version that is, arguably, in a much different place [and is a much milder threat] than the version who originally did those Bad Things. 

And of course Thor is still mad at him, and of course they're going to butt heads, because that's what they do (and Thor's grievances are genuine, I’ll add, bc it's not really his fault he assumed Loki faked his death, nor can he be blamed for being pissed about Odin).

One argument framed this version of Loki as being a person who is facing the awkwardness of coming out of a dark place, which is fair. If we're going to frame his actions in Thor 1 as a tantrum, then Ragnarok would be the part where the toddler has been taken home, possibly has had some lunch and a juice box, and is now watching cartoons. They're over the tantrum, and would probably feel pretty silly about it if they weren't, yknow, toddlers. They probably can't remember why they even wanted that toy so badly. If they're a little older and self-aware, they might even be embarrassed for having melted down.

Like the word tantrum, this feeling isn't a thing limited to toddlers. I know I've had a few epic meltdowns as a grown ass adult, and I know I always feel deeply embarrassed afterwards - like, want to crawl into a hole and die. I've said things I can't take back. Adolescents and teenagers throw tantrums, mentally ill people throw tantrums, adults throw tantrums (I mean, my god, look at all the videos of Karens having screaming meltdowns - screaming! - over having to wear masks in order to shop at stores). Humans throw tantrums. And usually, after the feelings have been let out and the tantrum has passed, humans feel pretty regretful and awkward and embarrassed about whatever they did and said in the midst of their meltdown. 

I get all of that and agree it's valid and that Loki probably feels it. By the time Ragnarok happens, Loki's had some time to reflect and think hmm, yeah, probably could've handled that one a lot better. The argument further goes that in order to navigate this awkward period, Loki must come to terms with what he's done, acknowledge that some things can't be unsaid or undone, and begin to make amends. Supposedly, some people feel that Loki becomes a better person because he does "own" everything he did wrong and, even though he feels like a jackass (paraphrasing), he sets that aside to become a become a better person by choosing to help Thor and Asgard at the end. 

Thus, the overall arc goes like this. Loki, Thor's jealous little brother, 

throws a tantrum of epic proportions bc Reasons 

continues to act badly and make things even worse (Avengers) 

has to face consequences for his actions (prison sentence) 

ends up with a stretch of time in which he's free to contemplate and chill out 

feels embarrassed and awkward about how he's behaved

sees an opportunity to make up for it and decides to take it 

helps Thor, saves the day, and ends the film a better person. 

Redemption achieved.

None of this is wrong. The film supports it. It's a fair interpretation. But it leaves. out. so. much.

To circle all the way back around Loki being "a clenched fist with hair," and his actions stemming from his self-hatred, you have to ask - how did he get that way? He didn't end up with all this self-hatred on accident. Generally, one isn't born despising themselves, it's a learned behavior. (I realize chemical imbalances are a thing, obviously, as I have Mental Shit myself, but for argument's sake I'm assuming that's not the case with Loki [at this point in time]). 

Where did Loki learn it? From his family, from his surroundings, from his culture. We see examples of these microaggressions in the first, like, twenty minutes of the movie - a guard openly laughs at Loki's magic after Thor makes a joke about it (the tone of the conversation implies that Thor "jokes" like this often) and though Loki does the snake thing, the guard faces no real consequences. Thor doesn't acknowledge that anything went amiss. Not much later, on their way to Jotunheim, Loki's barely gotten two words out to Heimdall before Thor cuts him off, steps in front of him, and takes charge. Loki doesn't look annoyed at this; he looks resigned. 

Then, for absolutely no reason at all, Volstagg decides to make a jab at Loki ("silver tongue turned to lead?") just because he can. The ease with which he makes this comment and the way that no one else blinks an eye at it implies that this isn't out of the norm. And Loki doesn't react, not really. In the deleted version, he delivers a particularly nasty comeback but he delivers it under his breath, without intending Volstagg to hear it. In the final version, he simply says nothing, though his expression can be read as hurt or stung. Either way, the audience sees an example of Loki being walked all over by Thor and his friends and bottling up his reactions instead of standing up for himself. 

Microaggressions matter. They are mentally and emotionally damaging. They hurt. The implication that this is not unusual treatment for Loki means that Loki's probably gone through this for most of his life. It's like the equivalent of being, I don't know, twenty two and you're the friend who has to walk behind the others when the sidewalk isn't wide enough, and it's been that way since the first day of kindergarten. At this point, you're used to it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when the jabs come seemingly out of nowhere, for no reason other than to make you feel bad.

(I personally identify a lot with this bc I experienced passive bullying in social settings for years. I was the 'doesn't fit on the sidewalk' friend; I hung around with people who'd pretend to be my friend and would be more or less nice to my face, but would laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back for whatever reasons. And often there'd be the random jabs at me, things that would come out of nowhere to smack me in the face, followed by the fake laugh and “just kidding!" so that I couldn't even get upset without being made to feel like I was overreacting and couldn't take a joke. I'd deal with this socially, particularly in middle school when girls are their most vicious, and then I'd go home and, because I was the only girl with a lot of brothers and because boys are mean and because I am who I am, the dynamic was that my brothers would just endlessly roast me to my face and sometimes it was a "just kidding!" thing, where I was the only one not laughing. But that’s beside the point; my point is that microaggressions, passive bullying, and consistent invalidation are harmful and that shit stays with you into adulthood.) 

So, yes, Loki needs to be held responsible for his misdeeds, and it's valid to say that he recognizes those misdeeds and wants to make amends. I have never disagreed with that. But the problem with this interpretation is that it lets every single other character who contributed to Loki's self-hatred and mental breakdown (let's just call a spade a spade here, that's what it was; he was broken psychologically) get off scot-free.

First of all,

Odin is not held accountable for instilling in the princes a mentality of Asgard first, everyone is beneath us but Jotuns are benath us the most, they are literal monsters. He is not held accountable for pitting his sons against one another (even if it was unintentional, he still did it) with "you were both born to be kings but only one of you can rule" being the general tone of their upbringing. He's not held accountable for his favoritism toward Thor.

Frigga is not held accountable for deferring to Odin both in supporting the above things and in keeping the truth of Loki's origins a secret while doing nothing to discourage the "monsters" narrative. 

Thor is not held accountable for his own tendency of taking Loki for granted (he assumes Loki will come to Jotunheim, he oversteps Loki constantly, “know your place,” etc.. He grants his implicit permission for Loki to be treated as the sidewalk friend in their “group,” a group which is loyal to and takes their cues from Thor as Thor continues to do nothing in his brother's defense).

[Note: Wanting Thor to be held accountable for things he's done wrong isn't vilifying him. Acknowledging that Thor benefited from Odin's favoritism and his own place as Crown Prince doesn't negate Thor also being raised in an abusive environment. I don't think anyone's saying that or, if they have, it's not something I agree with.]

Furthermore, 

Odin is not held accountable for his cruelty in disowning Loki (”your birthright was to die” is never going to be forgotten, speaking of people saying things that can't be unsaid or taken back) and in sentencing Loki to a severe prison sentence (life! only bc Frigga wouldn't let him execute Loki) for crimes that are no worse than what Odin himself has committed (around which the entire plot of Ragnarok revolves! Colonialism (and subjugation) is wrong is, like, a major theme [that people rush to praise, even] here). 

Thor is also never held accountable for not trying harder to understand what made Loki snap (fair enough, he didn't have a ton of time after returning from Earth, but certainly he had lots of time to sit around reflecting while Loki was being tortured by Thanos for a year). He knows Loki is "not himself" and "beyond reason" and accepts it at face value; he questions it once and then lets it go. He's fine with assuming Loki's just lost his mind, and isn't that a shame. (I realize I'm simplifying Thor's emotions but my point is that Thor could've tried harder to figure out that Loki was being influenced and/or not acting completely autonomously.) 

Thor is also never held accountable for - if not facing consequences for his own slaughter of Jotuns - then at least addressing why Loki can't kill an entire race even though Thor tried to do that, like, two days ago. (Granted, it’s difficult to understand how Thor got from Point A ("let's finish them together, Father!") to Point B (this is wrong!), but that failing belongs to Thor 1 (which is not, by the way, a perfect movie).

The interpretation that Loki is fully redeemed because he took responsibility for his actions, returned to Asgard, and allied himself with Thor to save their people is all well and good - but, why is Loki the only one here who has to take responsibility for their actions? 

What about all the loose threads in his story? 

For example, how did he get from: 

Point A (believing himself a literal monster, having a complete mental breakdown, getting tortured and further traumatized after that, etc) 

to 

Point B (Hey, yknow what would be fun? I'm going to write and direct a play about how I heroically died to save Thor and Jane, and I'll go ahead and have Odin say he accepts me and has always loved me. I'm going to do these things because Odin never said this in real life and instead of acknowledging my sacrifice, Thor left my body in the dirt, so someone has to validate what I've done right and that someone might as well be me. And hey, while I'm at it, I'm going to control the narrative on revealing myself as Jotun to Asgard, instead of living in fear of it being found out, and I'm going to do it in a way that they have to sympathize with me and revere me in death, bc they never bothered to do so when I was alive. And Matt Damon should play me, also.) 

to 

Point C (Yeah, I guess I feel kinda awkward about that whole tantrum thing, also I should help Thor and support him being king.)

? 

The answers to these questions are handwaved and the audience takes that to mean they don't matter. Furthermore, framing Loki's redemption around an act of service (more or less) to Thor makes Loki's redemption about Thor. Does Loki make this decision for the sake of Thor and of Asgard, or does he make it for himself? It's not super clear to me, and I think arguments can be made for both. Which, again, is fine, but - whatever.

If we're going to collectively agree, as a fandom, that Loki is complex, that he's morally gray, that he's worthy of redemption and therefore arguably a good person who's done bad things, then why is it asking too much to have it acknowledged that Thor (also a good person who's done bad things) played a part in Loki's downfall and has shit to apologize for, too? Bc one can only assume the reason is that you're taking a very gray concept and making it black and white by saying Loki has to apologize and make amends because he is the villain, and Thor doesn't because he is the hero (and it's his movie). And it's lazy.

This is where the crux of the issue lands. There's more than one valid interpretation, yes. And no two people (or groups of people, or whatever) are going to consume and therefore interpret or analyze the source material in the same way. I think I saw a post recently about how studies have been done on this, in fact. But, there is a lot going on under the surface that tends to get overlooked when exploring Loki's redemption arc in Ragnarok, as far as I can see, and that’s why I don’t consider it satisfactory. 

[I did read similar arguments regarding other issues that are often debated ('debated'), like Loki's magic and/or being underpowered, whether or not Loki's betrayal of Thor was the natural outcome of the situation on Sakaar or not, whether Thor actually gets closure with Odin [if he does, how does he reconcile the father he's idolized with the imperialistic conqueror he's discovered? Why doesn't he hold Odin responsible for covering up Hela's existence and the threat of her return, especially as he knew he was nearing the end of his life? Is Thor's "I'm not as strong as you" meant to imply that he acknowledges those shortcomings of Odin's and that he's okay with them, or that he's just overlooking them, or is he not okay with them but didn't have the chance to get into it bc he was in the middle of battle? T'Challa confronted his father on his wrongdoings in Black Panther; could Thor not have had at least one line that was confrontational enough to establish where he stands as opposed to this gray middle? Can someone explain to me how any of this equates to Thor gaining closure? Please?) but obviously I'm not going to go into all of them (well, I tried not to), bc this mammoth post has gone on long enough (I may not even post this tbh)]

- but my overall point to this entire thing is that when I say I'm critical of Ragnarok bc it's flawed, that Loki's arc was neither complete nor satisfactory, that many things went unaddressed and, due to all of these things, I do not think Ragnarok is a very good movie nor a very cohesive movie, this is where I'm coming from. I have not seen anything to change my mind to the contrary. 

But I am not saying that anyone satisfied with it is wrong, or shouldn't have the interpretation that they do. I'm not vilifying Thor in order to lift Loki up, just acknowledging that Thor is arguably just as flawed as Loki without the stigma of being Designated Villain. I think a lot of these arguments get overlooked or dismissed, and that's fine, but it doesn't make the people who do engage with them hateful, or bitter, or trying to excuse Loki's crimes, or feeling like redemption means that Loki's crimes should be erased rather than reconciled. 

And sure, yes, perhaps we are expecting too much and exploring all of these themes (or wanting them explored) means that somehow we think it should be Loki's movie (we don't). Loki is a supporting character, but he's still a character. And the movie itself doesn't have to delve into all these things - no one's saying that. (At least, I'm not.) We just want acknowledgement, from the narrative, that this stuff was an Issue. 

This could have been accomplished with - 

Some dialogue closer to the novelization (and original script), like Thor and Loki both acknowledging the harm they've done one another and their kingdom due to their Feels.

 A single line of Thor confronting Odin, or even asking "Why?" 

A narrative acknowledgement that Odin did both Thor and Loki dirty (”I love you, my sons” isn't an apology, because it doesn't acknowledge either that there's been wrong-doing or express regret for having done the wrong in the first place). 

A little bit more nuance in the way Loki treats his own past (ie, instead of flippantly telling the story of his suicide attempt, maybe - if it must be flippant - talk about getting blasted in the face with Hawkeye's arrow or sailing through to Svartalfheim [And in that moment, I sang ta-daaaa!]) or whatever. 

I recognize that wanting full, in-depth exploration on all of these issues regarding a supporting character is probably too much to ask or expect - but, I also feel like, if you're going to be professionally writing a narrative (or rewriting/improvising, as it were), it's not too much to ask that a little more care be taken in regards to all of the layers that have contributed to said supporting character's downfall and subsequent redemption arc. I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to want. 

And maybe if there had been more nuance and continuity in how these things were portrayed on screen (ie, if TW had actually done as good a job as his stans think he did), the fandom wouldn't have divided and conquered itself over which "version" of the same character is more valid and whether or not the film did its best to close out a trilogy (not start a new one), to the point where everyone in this fandom space makes navigating it feel like walking through a minefield. 

But, I mean 

(Again, please don’t reblog if possible.) 

Edit: Okay to reblog. <3 

[sukausotsuki]

Firstly, I wanna say my English is bad. so if you find many mistakes, please correct me.

I have this idea stuck on my brain :

two years which Shinichi need to finally got his normal body back and finally the organization already dead.

he is finally come back to Ran and finally, they are dating.

after gained his normal body, Shinichi told Ran about everything, except about Haibara who was the one made APTX 4869. in the end, Ran never knows Haibara also shrunk and a scientists.

as time passed, day after day, week after week, Ran became suspicious with Shinichi and Haibara relationship because the way they talk didn't seem like a stranger to stranger. somehow it reminds her the way how Conan and Ai-chan talk. but Ran just shrugged it off.

one day when class has ended (they are in college now) Ran and Shinichi walk together and she always listen Shinichi rambling about Ai-chan who always torturing, roasting him, and sometimes don't want to help him with his cases. at first Ran just thought it was normal. but, as time passed, Ran found out that everytime they were walk together, there will always Haibara in their conversation. even though, it most about Shinichi frustration to Haibara that didn't want to cooperate with him.

when Ran, Shinichi and Sonoko hangout together in cafe, they were accidentally saw detective kids hangout together. Sonoko said something like; "hey look! there are detective kids. oh my, I feel pity to Ai-chan. she looks like a single parent now. that bespectacled brat just decided to go and left her. he is still kid but already act like an ass." yes, Sonoko doesn't know the story behind missing Shinichi Kudo.

Ran glance to Shinichi to see what face he made and when she about to ask why, Shinichi already ask Sonoko with irritated and confused face. Sonoko said like : "isn't it obvious? they were always act like an adult and took care those brats. not just like adults, but parents figure to them. sometimes I saw Ai-chan and that bespectacled brat gave them—I don't know? such as advice? heck! they were just children and told advice to children? I can't believe it! and there were times I saw Ai-chan scold that brat to take care those children. wow, what a married couple for young ages!"

Ran finally, finally realized. Conan and Ai-chan were look like parents figure to detective kids. and Ran could conclude that Ai-chan not really a kid. She isn't just normal kid who has genius brain like Shinichi said everytime Ran asked Shinichi how old Ai-chan truly was because that little girl always act indifferent, calm, and not-so-kid-like.

Ran didn't talk about what she found to Shinichi but she is more aware with Shinichi and Haibara talk.

so, the jealousy feel became clear to Ran. and she is afraid that Shinichi might leave her, again. at first Ran thought she shouldn't feel that way to Ai-chan because she just a little girl. a junior high school girl. but now, the possibility Shinichi leave her for someone else might happen.

and something comes up to her mind. Ran also found out that Shinichi bought Ai-chan branded things like Fusae bag, Prada, and everything as a deal for their negotiation. those were simple things that almost she didn't look.

and when Haibara decide to leave Japan and goes to London, Ran heard Shinichi and Haibara had serious talk at Prof. Agasa house. Ran didn't mean to eavesdrop, she just accidentally heard their talk about; "You should have that pill too!" or "Your home is here, why would you go somewhere else?" or "Just stay here. Everyone doesn't want you go." or "You should back to your old body too."

and it click everything to Ran.

Haibara left. Shinichi not seem Shinichi anymore. they relationship became... dull. Ran cried. every love words from Shinichi feel empty. Ran couldn't feel emotion in it.

Shinichi often found himself waiting for Haibara news or her condition.

Shinichi often found himself think about Haibara when he passed by branded store.

Shinichi often found himself think about what present should he gave to that evil-eyes-yawny-girl because that girl really hard to please.

Shinichi often found himself think about Haibara when everyone (ex; Ran, Sonoko, Ayumi, Genta, Mitsuhiko, Prof. Agasa, his parents, even Hattori) found out something that suit for Haibara and think it will cute for her while for him, Haibara never a cute girl in the first place. so how could everyone think she is cute?! Shinichi never know.

Shinichi often found himself waiting for her call just to argue and roasting each other (well, Haibara was the one who always roasted him). and when the call ended, Shinichi felt more relieved than he thought.

Shinichi often found himself feel there is something not enough, less, wrong everytime he tried to close some cases and need help, but Haibara didn't there. Haibara no longer here.

Shinichi never knows how often he found himself think about a certain scientist, except people around him (including Ran).

Shinichi never knows how he hate himself for his inability to protect her when she was dying at another country that he couldn't reach and just remembered that he promised her to protect her.

Shinichi worried sick to know her condition and wanted so bad to go after her, but unfortunately he also made a promise to not go after her. and Shinichi more hate himself.

his relationship with Ran ended bad. he made her cry for thousands times.

Shinichi dissapoint Ran, for thousands times.

for the first time, Shinichi didn't know how to make his-think-love-of-his-life happy, again.

for the first time, Shinichi think about other girl to how to make that girl stay here instead go somewhere he couldn't reach.

for the first time, Shinichi realized. he loves Ai Haibara (or rather Shiho Miyano now) when finally, finally, after feels like centuries to him, he saw that girl. in front of him. in her old body. her strawberry blonde hair reach her shoulder and it made her look stunning. and more importantly, she wore branded things he gave.

took Shinichi ten years to realize everything. if Sonoko never said something like parents figure about Ai Haibara and Conan Edogawa maybe he still believe that he loved Ran.

and Ran discover about something. Shinichi and her were not wife-husband couple which always Sonoko said to them. it was Conan and Ai or Shinichi and Shiho now. Sonoko wrong about that, huh.

Ran discover about something. She learnt that all is fair in love and war. Ran learnt how to accept that she couldn't end up with her childhood friend. Ran learnt no matter how long have you been with him, no matter how much you know about him, it won't always end up with him.

Sonoko once said Shinichi and her look like a couple that won't separated even earth and sky broke down. no one can break their fated strings. but, Sonoko wrong. yes, she is wrong in the first place. because they don't have fated strings in the first place. it ain't for her and Shinichi, the red strings. the red strings for Shinichi and Shiho, the time Shinichi began swallow APTX 4869.

SSKSJSJSJSJ I'M SORRY. I'M SO SAD BECAUSE IT HURT ME SO SO BAD EVEN ALREADY KNOW SHINICHI WON'T END UP WITH SHIHO IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT OH GOD! JUST PLASE! MAKE A PLOT TWIST AOYAMA-SENSEI 😭 im so dying 😭 actually i really want to make this as a fanfic, but seriously my grammar really bad. im not confident :(

but i just want have a thought where Shinichi need Shiho in his life. Shinichi still love Ran, but not in romantic way. CoAi and ShinShi shippers let's cry together. I don't wanna cry alone!!! 😡😭

and well... I love the thought Shiho/Ai has long hair. idk... she looks stunning with her long hair. I can't help it. I really want to see Shiho/Ai in long curly hair hahahaha.

[turtleedovee]

Life Has A Funny Way of Working Out (Pt. 3)

Chapter 1  Chapter 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 2,454

Warnings: cursing, shouting, destruction (kinda), magic using, controlling someone, manipulative ex (if there’s anything else I miss please let me know!)

A/N: Part 3! hello lovely people thank you for reading this, I really liked writing this so I hope you guys enjoy this chapter just as much as I enjoyed writing it, not gonna lie... shit kinda hits the fan. There will probably be one more chapter after this, I mean I didn’t really see where else I was going with this after this last chapter but idk I might pick it up if I have another idea but anyways enjoy! Remember that I also post this on my ao3 so if you want to read it there my user is the same as my tumblr.

The next morning Bucky woke up to the sunlight streaming into the room, he began turning around and the first thing he noticed was how your side of the bed was empty. Panic began to set in until he heard shuffling in the living room, he slowly got up, rubbed his eyes and headed towards the noise coming from the living room, noticing how you were chipping off a piece of your broken wall.

“Hey, goodmorning?” Bucky asked, confused as to what you were doing.

You turned around to face Bucky, “Oh, good morning. I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

“No don’t worry about it, what’re you doing?” He spoke while watching you struggle to pull a small piece of wood off the wall, the white paint slowly peeling off.

“Need to get this fixed before my landlady sees it and goes berserk.” You trailed off finally getting a big enough piece, you put it in a baggy and stuffed it inside your pocket. “Come on, let’s go.” You said grabbing your bag from the counter.

Bucky stared at you, dumbfounded, “Wait, wha- go where?” 

“To get coffee? It’s the least I can do for you.” You grabbed your keys and made your way towards the door.

“I told you, you don’t owe me anything alright.”

“Barnes.” You stated, placing your hand on your hip and drumming your fingers on the counter, “Get your ass ready and let's go get some coffee.” You ordered.

Bewildered, Bucky responded, “Yes ma’am.” and headed towards your bathroom and began getting ready, mainly to make sure he didn’t look like he just woke up.

————————————————————————

Getting out of the house was good for you, having something to do to distract yourself seemed like a good way to heal. Both you and Bucky went out to get coffee and some breakfast. While you two sat down and ate you also talked and laughed, really about anything and everything, the conversation going from fits of laughter to comfortable silence. Bucky then joined you to the hardware store to buy paint and other supplies to fix your broken wall, he had offered to help which you happily took, being around the people who you cared about most was all you wanted but you wanted to refrain from going to the Compound for ‘no reason.’ Everyone there was highly perceptive and you really didn’t want anyone else to know, part of you knew you shouldn’t feel ashamed and yet you did. They were like your family so you weren’t sure why you didn’t ever feel ready to share your anger.

But telling Bucky felt right. You two had been there for each other during some of the lowest moments of each other's life, so he knew how to comfort you. He was always patient with you which is saying something considering how frustrated he gets when someone takes too long trying to do or explain something.

After running around the city for a few hours and feeling pretty good, you and Bucky started walking towards your apartment building when you looked up and suddenly the pit in your stomach formed and you shuddered with dread.

“What the hell are you doing here?” You said, almost shouting, at your ex who was now exiting your apartment building.

“Oh… hey, I was looking for you.” He said casually, as if you two were doing just fine.

You felt your face begin to heat with anger, “I told you I didn’t want to see you again, what do you want?”

“Listen I just want to talk about the mistakes of last night-”

“Oh! The mistakes?! Which one, do you mean the one where you decided to hit me?” You stepped closer, not caring who heard you.

“Babe please I was angry you can’t be mad at me about that.” He calmly said. 

You knew what he was trying to do, you didn't want to give him the satisfaction of trying to play himself off as the calm collected guy and you as the crazy girlfriend.

You took a deep breath to calm yourself, “I am mad at you and I told you: we’re done. So you need to leave. Now.”

He started to reach out for your hand. “C’mon I know you don’t mean that-”

“Hey,” Bucky, who had stood back throughout the conversation letting you take charge, came in front of you and diverted the hand from coming near you, “she said to leave her alone so I suggest you listen to her before things get out of hand.”

His calm and cool demeanor changed in an instant when his eyes landed on Bucky. He scoffed, and noticed how you backed-up behind Bucky, “Are you being serious right now?” He looked at both of you and as if something clicked in his little brain he stepped back from the both of you. “Oh I see what this is, you only dumped me so you wouldn’t get caught cheating on me with this dick.” He said and shoved Bucky back, you grabbed Bucky’s arm to stop him from doing anything stupid, mainly so you could do something stupid and make sure Bucky didn’t get into any trouble.

“I told you I never cheated on you, and whatever my business with Bucky is, it’s my business, I don’t owe you any explanation given that I broke up with you so get over it.” You gritted your teeth, standing in front of Bucky to stare down your ex.

He gave a harsh laugh, “This is unbelievable you’re freaking out on me for catching you and now you don’t even want to admit that you did anything wrong!” He shouted, Bucky began to glance around noticing that people were staring.

“I didn’t cheat on you, asshat!”

“Oh please, now you're acting like a bitch.”

“Okay, that’s enough, leave her alone. Before you make yourself look more like a fool.”

He sized Bucky up, “Or what? You’ll kill me?” He puffed out his chest and pushed himself forward getting in Bucky’s face. “I know what you are: a killer, that’s all you ever have been and all you ever will be.”

Bucky didn’t move, didn’t break eye contact. You feared that he wanted Bucky to beat him to a pulp, but he stayed there, unwavering in his stare.

“She asked you to leave.” Bucky repeated. “So leave.”

“Nah… I don’t think so.” Before Bucky could even blink he noticed a rising fist coming straight for him. But before he could block the blow, the fist stopped; midair, the guy’s face contorting in pain.

Bucky looked over his shoulder and realized you were controlling him, anger clouded your eyes.

“I told you to leave me alone. But you didn’t listen.” Bucky stepped back as you stepped forward, forcing your hand forward, making him drop to his knees, grunting in pain. “I told you what would happen if you so much as looked at me. Do you know how easy it would be to kill you right now?” You leaned into his ear and whispered, “Like breaking a toothpick.” You stood back up, anger creating an invisible barricade between you and him, you didn’t care who saw, you didn’t care what happened, all you knew is that he deserved nothing. “Give me one good reason why I should let you live.”

He tried to open his mouth, but you didn’t let him, he could see sweat falling down his forehead, and Bucky looked around, seeing all the eyes staring down at you in fear. Bucky walked up slowly to you and put his hand on your shoulder, feeling how tense you were. “[F/N], not here not now.”

Bucky’s touch seemed to remove the dark clouds that surrounded you and his soft words brought you back to reality. That was when you noticed the crowd, eyes just staring at you, along with flashes of cameras. He got what he wanted, he wanted you to lash out so he could play the victim, and you fell right into it.

You dropped him and started walking back to your apartment, Bucky following quickly behind you. You heard him start yelling, you tried not to pay attention but something he said caught your attention, “You think you’re done with me?! Just wait until your little guard dog leaves. Now what I did in there was just a warning.” He shouted while he started standing up.

“What was just a warning?” You asked, already up the stairs to the entrance of the building.

He just smirked, “Oh you’ll see, don’t think you can embarrass me like that, once I’m done with you, you’ll regret everything coming your way.” And with that notion he walked off, with a noticeable limp; you tried to process what he just said. What was he doing in your apartment? How did he get in? All of these thoughts ran through your head as you started fumbling with your keys.

“Shit.” You whispered as you began racing through the hallways towards your apartment, not paying attention to Bucky trying to tell you to slow down. When you finally arrived at your door you carelessly shoved the keys in and pushed the door to open when you finally realized what he meant as a warning.

You seemed to stop breathing all together dropping the paint and other supplies you needed to fix the hole in the wall, now, useless. He completely destroyed your apartment, your eyes scanned the living room and kitchen; to your right plates, mugs, and bowls were shattered into a million pieces, the different colors made a mosaic on the floor, the refrigerator door was left open and fruits and other foods laid splattered as well, now most likely spoiled. Your dining table was broken, all the legs of the chairs were sitting scattered with wood chunks around them. The potted plants you had now laid down on the floor, dirt pouring over the floor. Your couch had slash marks, the stuffing inside them was sprayed everywhere on what remained of your coffee table, your television now screening the various black and white speckles along with glass falling from the screen and surrounding the living room you were in the night before; and you could only imagine what else he did in your room.

Devastation couldn’t even begin to describe how you were feeling. You clenched your jaw, you felt more violated than before. He somehow managed to sneak into your home, and destroy the first place you had felt at peace in. You slowly stepped inside the apartment, the crunching of wood, glass, and broken ceramics under your shoes, and looked closer at everything, you felt as though your entire world had been slipped out from under you; grabbing a broken picture frame you looked at the picture inside now covered in dust, stuffing, wood chips, and dirt.

Bucky was at a loss for words, you two were only gone a few hours, that man you once trusted managed to destroy the one place you were safe in. He didn’t know what to say, or how to comfort you. 

“You should get going,” You said quietly, not looking up from the picture, “I need to fix things around here.”

“[F/N] please, you don’t need to do this alone, let me help-”

“No!-” You shouted, “Please just, I need to be alone for a little.”

Your sudden shout startled Bucky but he knew when to back off. “Alright, call me later ok?” He asked, heading towards the door.

“Yeah, for sure I’ll… see you later.” You said distracted. Barely noticing that Bucky had walked out the door, you looked back down on the floor and noticed another picture, this one was ripped in half. Slowly picking it up you realized it was a picture that you and the rest of the Avengers had taken during Tony’s holiday party, the happy faces now ripped apart and stained.

————————————————————————

Bucky stayed outside your door for a few minutes, conflicted knowing that you wanted to be alone but he was worried that if he left your ex would come back and in his gut he knew that no matter how strong you were, being alone with him would not be the best thing in the world for you right now. He usually could help you out with anything but this was something completely different. Sure there were bad guys back in the 40s but growing up with sisters and a mother with a firm hand, he knew how to be a gentleman; and so did most men back then. He tried racking his brain for how he could help you out, when he finally got an idea. He made his way to his motorcycle that he had parked across the street the night before and headed towards the Compound.

After about half an hour later he made it back to the Compound and began his search; he looked around the living room and kitchen but it seemed empty, and after wandering for a few minutes he decided it would be pointless running around this Labyrinth. 

Sighing, he said, staring at the ceiling, “F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“Yes, Mr. Barnes?” An automated female voice responded back.

“Where’s Tony?”

“In his lab, sir.”

Bucky began his trek to the lab, “Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

“You are welcome sir.”

After a couple of minutes of walking he finally arrived at the entrance of the lab where he noticed Tony tinkering with the helmet of his suit, too busy to hear that Bucky had now entered his lab.

“Tony I need to ask you for a favor.”

Tony just sighed, not taking his eyes away from his helmet, “Kind of in the middle of something Barnes so you better make this quick.”

“It’s about [F/N].”

This seemed to cause Tony to take his eyes off of his project and stare at Bucky, puzzled.

“And what about [F/N]?” Tony asked, standing up and crossing arms.

Bucky knew you didn’t want anyone else to know about what happened, but he knew you needed help, so he chose his next words carefully, “Something happened and well her apartment was compromised. She needs a new-”

“Was it that douche-bag boyfriend of hers?” Tony stated flatly.

Bucky stared at Tony, bewildered,  “Ex-boyfriend.” He corrected.

Tony just hummed, after a few seconds of silence he finally started, “I can tell you don’t want to tell me whatever it is that happened and well whatever did happen doesn’t matter anymore so, tell me Cyborg, what is it you need me to do?”

Pushing aside the nickname he started to tell Tony his plan.

[procrastinatorimagines]

Helping Hand

Fandom: The Originals / The Vampire Diaries

Characters: Reader, Elijah, 

Warning/s: none

Word Count: 4,171

Request:  Hi! Can I get an imagine where the reader is a teenager (about 16) who has powers and she learns that Elijah Mikaelson has a necklace that belonged to her ancestor that will allow her to keep her powers under control and asking him for help?

+

hey ,can u write something with elijah???? love your blog

Summary: The reader moves to New Orleans with her family after her grandmother dies, leaving them with a large property and inheritance. But the reader also starts to develop powers, powers she cannot control, not without the help of Elijah Mikaelson.

Note: I’ve had this first request buried in my drafts for a very long time, I don’t even still have the actual request anymore so idk who sent it but here it is

Your magic was... volatile, to say the least. They’d started to show themselves last year, around the time your family had moved to New Orleans, but despite your best efforts, you were still unable to keep them under much control. It felt like there was a well of power deep inside of you, but no matter how far you reached, you’d yet to find the end. 

You longed to reach the end of your power, to finally know your limits. By understanding what you were capable of, maybe you could begin to learn to control barely contained power within. It was a miracle your family hadn’t found out yet, especially given the whole you’d accidentally made in the back wall of the house, but as much as you wanted to tell them, you didn’t know how they would react. 

The timing of your powers couldn’t have been a coincidence, at first you’d thought it was related to your age maybe, did 15 mean something magical? You obviously had no idea, but the longer you were in New Orleans, you started to realise that that wasn’t the case. Your estranged grandmother had died last year, you’d only met her once as a baby and your mother never talked about her, but she’d left behind a massive estate and inheritance in New Orleans, and following the divorce from your father, your mother had decided maybe it was a good chance for a fresh start. So she’d packed you and your younger twin brothers up, ripping you away from your lives, friends, everything you’d ever known, and taken you to the Crescent City.

It had been an adjustment, especially with the added problems of your powers. Needless-to-say, discovering you had magic was a shock, a big one. At first you thought you were dreaming, or seeing things, but eventually you’d accepted that this was real... and you should really plant a few trees to make up for the damage you’d accidentally done to the ones on the edge of your property line.

That’s where you were now, headphones on, beads of sweat on your brow as you tried to concentrate your magic at a single tree stump about ten metres away from you. Taking slow breaths you listened to the beat of the music pumping in your ears, letting all else slip away as you felt that familiar opening inside of you, leading to the well of magic you could feel stirring in anticipation. It always gave you a bit of a rush when you started, but you had to be careful you didn’t dive in too quickly. 

Too much too fast was your problem, and you’d spent many, many... many, frustrating days trying to master it. You were sure there was a better way, maybe an instruction manual? But who could you ask, New Orleans may have been full of stores and stalls promising knowledge of the occult and the supernatural, but nothing had seemed to do you any good. Parlour tricks mostly, so you were alone.

Feeling that familiar build up of power, you yet again tried to steady it, tried to send a concentrated blast only. You felt your hands tingle, then warm, focusing intently as you felt sweat drip down the side of your face. Almost there...

A bird landed on the tree stump, catching you off guard as it cawed, stretching its wings but refusing to move. At the last second you threw your hands to the side, a blast of power flying into a nearby tree as you tried to reign it back in. 

“Damn it!” You swore, clenching your hands into fists and pulling them to your sides as you stared wide eyes at the giant smouldering hole in the tall tree, the creaking and groaning sound it was making as it began to splinter at the break.

You took a slight step back, casting a dirty look at the black bird still perched on the stump as it watched you, regarding you with a more curious look than you were comfortable with. A loud snapping sound caused you to look back to the tree, now unable to support the weight on top as it began to topple.

“Crap...” you mumbled, pulling your headphones down to your neck as you watched it start to fall slowly. Not again, you thought as it fell, crashing into another tree before falling back and slamming into the ground. 

You stared at it in stunned silence for a minute, glad you were too far out for anyone to have heard. The bird let out a small noise, still watching you, seemingly unaffected by the sound of the toppling tree. “What are you looking at?” You demanded, the bird cocking its head like it was listening, “this is your fault,” you told it, pointing to the mess behind it. 

The black bird actually turned its head, looking to the tree before turning back to you, cawing and flying off over your head. You ducked as it flew past you, wind blowing your hair. Well... that was weird, but honestly, talking to a bird was probably the least strange thing that had happened to you recently.

So with a shrug you turned on your heels, grabbing your school bag and heading back down the overgrown path you always followed back to your house, checking your watch to make sure you wouldn’t miss the bus. Your 16th birthday had been a few days ago, and the balloons your mother had insisted on putting up on the railings of your front porch were still flying as you appeared out of the clearing in the woods.

Your brother’s were waiting by the road as you picked up your pace, noticing the school bus turning down the end of your road and heading to where the boys were stood. “Cutting it close,” one of your brothers, JJ, commented as you rolled your eyes, ignoring him and Nick as you rifled in your bag for your pass, finding it just as the bus pulled up and the doors opened. 

You sat away from your brothers once you got on, headphones back on as you thought about how you were ever going to get a hang of your powers. 

The rest of your school day when like it usually did, you went to class, did your work, ate lunch alone, and researched magic whenever you had some free time. You’d had losts of friends back home, but being the new girl struggling to control dangerous powers didn’t leave you with much opportunity to be anything other than the loner who talked to the librarian more than any of the other kids. 

Your brothers fit in just fine, and the party your mother had been expecting to throw you over the weekend had been embarrassingly empty, so now she was worried about you. Great, another thing you had to worry about. 

Thankfully, your magic hadn’t really ever acted up at school, expect in gym once or twice, but nothing too noticeable. Heightened emotions seemed to make it worse, and the boredom you felt at school seemed to subdue it the most. 

After school you debated getting the bus home with JJ and Nick, but your mom was working until late so you decided to walk into the city instead, trying your luck again at one of the supposedly magic stores or stalls, you never knew, maybe someone might actually be able to help you.

It was a warm day, even into the afternoon as you strolled along the crowded streets. Okay, you actually liked New Orleans, the people, the buildings, the atmosphere, you felt like you could disappear here. If you hadn’t come into uncontrollable powers when you’d moved here... well, things would be very different. 

You ended up walking through the French Quarter, definitely lost but not caring too much, you’d just use your phone to find the best way home when it got a little later. You were so lost in your music and surroundings that it took you a while to realise you were being followed. 

It felt like a cold breeze on the back of your neck, like your magic warning you of danger. But there was so many people arround that you wouldn’t have been able to tell who was following you even if you saw them, so you picked up your pace.

That feeling didn’t leave, cold going down your spine as you weaved your way through the crowds of people milling about the square. You probably would have thought you were paranoid, but you’d learned enough to not doubt your magic right now. 

Spotting a side street you slipped down it, only realising once you were half way down that it was a dead end. You quickly tried to double back, heart pounding as you turned to see a man at the end of the way, blocking your exit.

He was a sharp dressed man, black suit crisp as he leaned against the cool shaded bricks on the wall, hands in his pockets, regarding you with a cool but intrigued gaze. There was something... off about him, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on as your magic buzzed in you with warning. 

“Hello there,” he said casually, pushing himself up off the wall and strolling towards you, hands still in his pockets. He didn’t look threatening, but there was something in his eyes that made you want to run, but where?

“H-Hello,” you got out, not doing well to pretend you weren’t scared as the man smirked at you. There was a lot of times over the past year where you wished you didn’t have magic, this however, wasn’t one of them. You’d never used your power on another person before, but the more scared you got, the more you could feel it burning in your core, ready to burst out to defend you if needed. 

“I’m Elijah,” he introduced himself, British accent clear as he slowly spoke the words. Was he expecting you to introduce yourself? Stranger Danger 101, you were not giving this man your name. He seemed to realise that when you didn’t respond, but he didn’t seem offended. “Very well, I apologise for startling you, but you looked like somebody I knew once.”

“We’ve never met,” you replied, you were sure you would have remembered this well dressed individual.

“No...” Elijah mused outloud, “no I suppose we haven’t, a relative maybe?” The only relative you knew in the city was your late grandmother, you supposed your mother had lived here, but not for the better part of 20 years.

“I don’t think so,” you answered, itching to get away. He seemed to register this, but he still seemed curious about you. What was this guys deal? You scrunched your fists at your side, palms warm with power, your fight or flight response sounding alarm bells in your head as your power threatened to spill out. 

He took another step towards you, glancing down at your hands like he knew what was going on inside of you. Was that possible? You knew that you couldn’t be the only one in the world with power like this, but still...

“I have to go now,” you told him quickly, trying to simply quickly walk past him back to the crowded street, determined to get home as you regretted not just getting the bus with your siblings. 

“On second,” he said, just as you passed him, hand reaching out to grab your arm. As you as he touched you, you exploded.

It happened so fast, one second you were trying to twist out of his grasp, the next a blast of energy had sent him down the street. Breathing heavily, your heart pounding in chest, you didn’t look back to see what you had just done, instead all but running out on the street and making your way back home. 

What had you just done?

-

You made it home before your mom, ignoring your brothers questions about where you had been as you ran up the stairs two at a time and into your bedroom, slamming your door shut and locking it. Only when you heard your lock click into place did you let out a shaky breath and try to relax, leaning against the back of the door and sinking to the floor. Your mind was racing as you tried to process what had just happened.

Had you killed him? You didn’t think so, you hoped not, but he had provoked you, scared you, it had been out of your control the second he’d put his hand on your arm. What were you going to do now?

You groaned and wiped your hands over your face, exhausted and drained. You just needed to think. Reluctantly pulling yourself up you went into your bathroom to take a shower. Every bedroom in this house seemed to have it’s own bathroom, what your grandmother did alone in this place was beyond you.

The water was scolding as you slipped in, but you didn’t care, standing there for a long time as it poured down your face and body, eyes glued to your hands as you thought about the power they contained, the power you possessed.

Your eyes drifted to the pale blue wall tiles, you grandmother had had most of the house redecorated before she died, she’d been sick for a while apparently, but your mom had never told you any of that. This was the room she’d decorated for you, the one she’d instructed you to take in the will, and you had to admit, she’d done a damn good job of decorating it to your taste. Eerily good, considering you weren’t exactly doing much talking the one time you’d met her. 

She’d left you a note too, on the bed when you’d entered. Old people rambling about how you had more potential than you realised, you were special and important and she wished she was there with you... You hadn’t thought much about it at first, but a part of you kept going back to those words in your mind, had she meant this? Had she known?

It seemed crazy, but there had been something not right about that man, Elijah, something cold and... not human? If he had known your grandmother, maybe he would have had more answers about what was going on with you?

With a sigh you finally turned off the water, drying yourself off as you thought about your grandmother alone in this big old house. As you did you walked over the creaky floorboard outside the bathroom door and paused, leaning back on your heel and making it squeek again. You shook your head, thinking you must be reading too much into everything that had happened to you. But as you stepped off of it and listened to it creak again you let out a defeated breath, what the hell, why not? You thought, kneeling down and prying at the sides of the board. 

To your slight surprise it budged, were you really looking for hidden compartments in your room? But your grandmother had left it to you, if your suspicions about her were correct, maybe she’d left you more than you realised. She did, you realised as you got the board free, a dusty box beneath it. This was crazy.

Taking it out you set it on your dresser and got dressed, eyes barely leaving to box until you tentatively tried the latch, it didn’t have a lock on it so you carefully lifted up the old lid, revealing a leather bound book within. It looked like an old-timey journal as you slowly pulled it out, your magic buzzing at the touch. What was this?

You went to sit on your bed, book on your lap as you opened the first page, careful not to tear the pages as you did, it felt fragile but it was definitely well worn, the spine was basically coming apart. The language inside looked like it was mostly... Latin? Maybe, you hadn’t exactly studied it in school, but there were annotations in the margins in English, fresher than the original text, the handwriting appearing to match the writing in your grandmother’s letter.

The more you flipped through the pages, skimming passages and trying to understand illustrations, the more you thought this was a spellbook of some kind. You assumed that was a thing anyway, especially with your grandmother’s notes. 

“Y/N!” A knock on your door had you slamming the book shut probably a little too hard and rushing to put it away, your mother calling you from the otherside. 

“Yeah?” You called back, frantically trying to replace the floor board, barely managing to as she entered, uniform on as she look at you, on your knees n the floor. “Dropped by earring,” you lied with ease and she believed you, it’s not like she’d have believed the truth anyway.

“I’ll have dinner ready in 20, okay?” She smiled and you nodded, standing back up, “how was school?”

“Eh same old,” you told her, deliberately not mentioning your strange encounter with Elijah, she’d freak out if she knew, and you didn’t want her involved in any of this.

“Okay, could you set the table when you come down?” She asked and you nodded again, more than eager for her to leave your room. 

She did after that and you breathed a sigh of relief, you couldn’t be doing any of this in the house, you’d go out into the woods again with the book tomorrow, maybe it was time for a new approach to your magical problem. You just hoped the answers you were looking for had been right under your nose, or feet, the entire time.

-

It was a quiet morning as you made your way down the familiar walkway into the woods, switching into autopilot as you stepped over the roots and stones you had been avoiding nearly everyday for the better part of a year.

You’d tried to sleep last night, but your mind was wide awake, thoughts of that book swirling around in your mind until you finally caved and switched on your lamp, reading through the pages until you’d eventually fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning, book in hand. 

It had been eye opening. Vampires, werewolves, witches... well, you were a witch then, but the fact that the others existed too was nearly too much, your brain becoming so overloaded with new information you barely thought was possible. You’d fallen asleep at a chapter on New Orleans, the different factions there and information on the ‘Original Family’ that had once ruled, the name Elijah Mikaelson had caught your eye, was it the same Elijah you’d met yesterday? It would explain a few things, but it didn’t exactly make you feel any better.

You made it to the area you had been the previous morning, the fallen tree a reminder that you really needed to get your powers under control. You sat on the stump you’d been trying to blast yesterday and pulled the book out of your bag, a torn piece of homework bookmarking a page with a spell you’d decided to test out. It seemed simple enough, and this far into the woods you only had to worry about the damage to the trees, which was nothing new when it came to your magic. 

Leaving the book open on the correct page you stood back up, focusing your breathing as you held out your hands, facing the fallen tree as you reached down into that familiar well of power. But instead of firing blindly like you usually did, you now had a spell that you hoped would at least concentrate the energy.

“Motus,” you said when you were ready, feeling your power blast out of your hands, absolutely shattering the tree you had previously felled... along with a handfull of others in the vacinity. 

“No, no, no,” you muttered. It hadn’t worked, you’d just wanted to hit the one tree, now what were you supposed to do? 

You were so lost in your thoughts you hadn’t noticed that you weren’t alone, jumping and whirling around when you heard a twig snap behind you. Suddenly you found yourself face to face with Elijah. 

“Impressive, uncontrolled and reckless, but impressive nonetheless,” he commented, standing there in a suit as crisp as he had worn yesterday, seemingly unaffected by the blast you’d sent into his chest at your previous encounter. 

“How...?” You stammered, looking around to see where he had come from all of a sudden, what your grandmother’s book had said about Elijah the Original ringing in your mind as you faced him.

“I’m a vampire,” he told you, waiting for your reaction, “so you know what I am then?” He asked when you didn’t flinch.

“I did some reading last night,” you said honestly and he glanced down at where you’d left the book open on the tree stump, recognition flashing in his eyes.

“I can see that,” he noted, wandering over to the book. You wanted to stop him as he reached it, but your feet were firmly planted. What did he want now? “My apologies for yesterday by the way, you just looked so much like your grandmother that I let my curiosity get the better of me, I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“How did you know her?” You asked and he smiled, like he was thinking of fond memories.

“She was one of the oldest witches in New Orleans, most went to her for guidance, she had a gift of sight you see, I went to her from time to time as well, her passing was tragic,” he explained, “how long have you known?”

“Well I found the book yesterday so since then really,” you admitted.

He looked at you in confusion, “but you powers...?”

“Yeah I’ve had those since I moved here, but I never really knew what they were, or how to use them,” you elaborated.

“I can see that,” he said with a nod to the destruction behind you. You looked down sheepishly, embarrassed by your lack of control after so long.

“You know, your grandmother had the same problem,” he began, your head shooting back up to face him, finding that very hard to believe after what he’d just told you about her. “It’s true,” he insisted, noting your hesitation to believe him, “the witches in your family are born with an immense amount of power, more than most could handle, which is why she wore this, to channel that energy and take control,” as he finished he held out his hand, an amulet dropping from it. 

“What is that?” You asked him, drawn closer by the power radiating from the small half moon hanging from his index finger. It looked old, but it also felt oddly familiar in a way you couldn’t quite explain.

“It belonged to your ancestors, passed down from generation to generation since before my family even reached these shores in the early 18th century, your grandmother gave it to me for safe keeping, so it could be given to you,” he told you and you shelved the comment about the 18th century away for another time, your eyes unable to leave the amulet as Elijah held out his hand, offering it to you. 

“Can I?” You reached out for it slowly and he nodded, letting you take it. It felt cold in your palm, so different from the heat you always felt when you were using your power. Elijah offered to fasten it for you and he did, a sense of calm and clarity washing over you as soon as he fastened the clasp and stepped back. 

“Try it now,” he suggested and it took you a second to realise he meant the spell. You swallowed, here went nothing.

Turning until you found a target you held out your hand, your well of magic seemingly contained by the amulet, a smaller opening available to you now as you whispered, “motus,” and sent a beam of energy into a nearby tree branch.

Usually, the whole tree would have been blown apart at least, but you your surprise and delight, only the branch was sent flying off. You’d done it. 

Smiling you turned back to Elijah, “thank you,” you breathed, hand going to the amulet around your throat.

“Of course, I gave your grandmother my word that I’d help you when the time came, but I’ll admit, family matters kept me from even checking to see if you’d arrived in the city,” he admitted, “for that I’m sorry, but if you’d let me, I’d like to help you now, it’s the least I could do for your grandmother.”

Although you barely knew this strange man, this vampire, he seemed genuine and it’s not like you really had many other options. So you straighten up and nodded. “Where do we begin?”

[handonhaven]

I got to thinking things and now I have questions. I know none of these questions are at all important to the story at all. But this is just how my mind works at times lol.

So Landon and Cleo have been gone for about two weeks maybe. What I want to know is where did they get all these clothes from? I mean when Landon left he only brought a bookbag with him. That can only hold like what one, maybe two changes of clothes. And it didn't look like Cleo brought anything with her other than what she was wearing. Also where have they been staying? Or how have they been eating? It's not like they have any or very much money at all. And that can add up if you have to buy food everyday and renting a hotel/motel rooms. I know the obvious answer to this is magic or something like that. But at the same time I would like mention of it or something. Just like when Landon went into malivore at the end of 3x04 naked by the next time we saw him he's fully clothed.

Also after 3x15 how can people still say that Josie is a sweetheart? I'm sorry but I think she's far from it. I mean when she was 11 she read Lizzies diary claiming she wanted to understand what she was feeling as an excuse. But then went and showed it to other witches at the school. Causing Hope to overhear it and lose control of her magic and most likely caused the other witches to make fun of Lizzie behind her back. We already know about the fire she set to Hopes room. As well as everything else she's done since season 1. Who knows what else she might have done before the start of season 1. Look I'm glad the show is showing some more of the girls past trauma and acknowledging it. But when are they going acknowledge all the trauma Josie caused Hope and Lizzie? Because I'm getting a little tired of her always getting a free pass with that. I know that Josie does(or says) feels bad about it. But when will she make up for it or even I don't know say sorry for all the things she's done. I wish people would stop making excuses for her. Saying well she was just a kid. Or she was manipulated to do those things and under the control of black magic. She was 11 and 13 when she did those things in the past that's old enough to know better. Everything else she did that we know of she did when she was 16-17. That's definitely old enough to know better. And you can't blame it all on the black magic either. Because she wasn't under the control of black when she set Penelope on fire. Or when she made that girls nose bleed or when broke Ethan arms. I could go on but I think I made my point. I'm just tired of seeing her get a free pass all the time. It's just like when they give Lizzie a free pass all the time for all the terrible and horribly mean things she says to people. Because let's be honest at times she can be a real bully to people. I know she must have hurt people with the things she says.

I'm not bashing Lizzie and Josie or anything. I feel like they could really have the potential to be really great people when the grow up. But as of right now not so much. If I'm being honest Josie start it to go downhill in season 2 and Lizzie this season. I'm hoping next season will be better for the two.

That’s the kind of stuff I think about all the time haha. Have Landon and Cleo been gone for two weeks though? They’re never really clear on the time in this show, so I wasn’t sure. We know that 3x14 and 3x15 took place in one day and night, but who knows how much time was between 3x13 and 3x14, or between 3x15 and 3x16. But it seems they have been gone a good amount of time, so yeah, who knows where they got their clothes. Right? I don’t think Landon could’ve fit much in his backpack, and he left so suddenly too. Same with Cleo, it looked like she just had a backpack as well. Neither of them seemed very prepared to just go on the road for an indefinite amount of time. And also, Cleo had been in the artifact for how many hundreds of years? How is she even used to the modern world? She didn’t seem affected by anything at all when we first saw her, which would’ve been soon after she escaped. But she seemed pretty accustomed to everything, like surely she would never have been on a bus or know how all that works? Yet she was waiting at the bus stop, no big deal haha. And I’d guess they’ve been staying at motels? If that’s where they’re gonna be next episode, idk. But true, when it comes to eating, Cleo wouldn’t have money, but I think it’s possible that Landon might have some saved from when he worked at the grill, if anything? But still, that’s probably pretty limited. It’s all a bit ridiculous though, like Landon is nearly 20 years old, he might even be 20 already. Yet he doesn’t have a cell phone, a car, or anything. Neither does Hope. You’d think with all the money she must have from her family, that would provide all those things for both of them? So it’s strange. And maybe Cleo could be doing stuff with magic, though I’m not sure how, since it’s not like she can compel people. I feel like when it comes to details like these, the writers just don’t care. And I’m weird because I like knowing all the small details like that haha, but they’re so often ignored in so many shows, especially this one. And exactly! How on earth did Landon have clothes again after ending up in Malivore when he’d been naked? Malivore had made an ice cream shop for the Necromancer, did he make a clothing store too? It’s silly and makes no sense. And every time Landon would’ve died before, he should’ve come back naked because his clothes would’ve burned each time. Same thing with how in 3x10, when Hope was a werewolf and went back to her human form, she suddenly had clothes on. When in the past she’s been naked, and all throughout TVD and TO, Tyler, Hayley, etc. were all naked too. And Rayna Cruz as well, every time she was reborn. 😂 It’s like they don’t wanna bother with stuff like this anymore, because it’s inconvenient I guess?

And the whole thing with Josie is really frustrating. I agree with you. It’s annoying how they’ve written her this way, have revealed these things that she’s done, and it all continues to be excused. In the show, and with a lot of the fans. Yeah, once again we find out she hurt both Lizzie and Hope by doing something that was obviously wrong. Even if she really did only want to understand how Lizzie was feeling, what was her excuse for telling the other witches? As far as her starting the fire to Hope’s room, I can understand that more, when she panicked and it was an accident. But the way she handled it after is my main issue with that. She hurt both Lizzie and Hope again, and they both suffered for years because of it. And good point, who knows what else she may have done.

Yes, true, I’m glad they’re acknowledging their trauma as well, but exactly, they never acknowledge the fact that Josie caused so much of it, at least when it comes to their life at the school and being bullied and all that. I’m getting tired of her getting a free pass as well. It feels like the writers are so devoted to this perception of her they’ve created where she’s supposed to be so selfless and caring, that even when her actions contradict that, it’s ignored. She definitely needs to apologize or do something to make up for it. I mean, even in 1x12 when Hope and Lizzie found out what she did, she didn’t apologize I don’t think, she just seemed upset that they found out. And exactly, being younger doesn’t excuse what she did because she was old enough to know that what she did was wrong. So true, she was affected by black magic mostly at the end of season 2. She had been manipulated by Clarke in early season 2, which led to her breaking Ethan’s arm, but then afterward she said she had wanted to hurt him so... 😬 But yeah, I think besides what she did when she was dark Josie, she hasn’t really had to deal with the consequences of those other things she did.

And I totally agree with you about Lizzie as well. She’s definitely said horrible things to people, no one says anything about it. I guess because it’s “part of her personality” it’s okay? And also because a lot of what she says is written in a way that’s supposed to be comedic, so the fact that she is insulting people is dismissed because it’s “funny.” Idk, I know many people do think it’s funny, personally, I just don’t. Not my kind of humor, I guess. But yeah, very true, I think she has hurt people for sure. I think that was shown with the other students’ reactions at her “funeral.” Which I did not think was okay at all btw, that was messed up, but it did show that what she says has affected people. I mean, even with how she treats Landon, you can tell by his expressions that he does not like it. He just doesn’t say anything. So that’s an issue too that I doubt will ever be addressed since it’s so often used for humor, unfortunately.

But I get that. I know I’ve been negative about Lizzie and Josie and don’t mean to bash them either, I’ve just been bothered by a lot of what they’ve done. I also think they have potential too, and I think that’s why I get so disappointed by how they’ve acted at times. I loved them in TVD, so I was excited to see them older in this show. And it seemed like things were going in a fairly good direction with them in season 1, besides a couple things Josie had done that bothered me, but I still really liked both her and Lizzie. But yes, things did go downhill starting in season 2, for Josie in particular. And yep, Lizzie in this season too has definitely made my opinion of her change, sadly. It’ll be interesting to see what happens next with them. I do think it’s odd that it took 3 whole seasons just to get to the point they’re at now... but I do hope things will improve next season. I’m also curious to see if what they said to Hope last episode will be something they actually follow through on rather than just words, like has happened in the past. So I guess we’ll see! And wow, sorry that got long.

[monst]

I put a spell on you

All characters 18+

Witch Doctor! Tamaki Amajiki x Reader. 

Warnings: Dark themes, not what your expecting, spooky shit, Please look at the tags. (How do you say pilon in english?)  

References: The witchcraft mentioned in this is based off of stories that I’ve heard growing up. My parents are from the Dominican Republic and many countries in the carribean deal a lot with Brujeria/Santeria. And, since I’m a curious person I’ve asked and there is some seriously spooky shit being done. Apparently these ‘practices’ are some of the things my aunt did to her current man. Is it true? Idk. Do I fuck with that shit? Hell ‘naw fam. I just like hearing the stories…..

You met witch doctor when you walked into his shop. Just like anyone else who walked into his store you were skeptical. After all what could a couple cards and your palm say about your fate? Your friends had come in with you so he hadn’t singled you out at the time. As he was expecting you lot had come in for shits and giggles. Your friends snickered in succession as soon as he came out. 

He had on an odd looking red robe that wasn’t fastened so it exposed the strange white lines on his chest. Under his left breast were words that neither you or your friends could make out. He wore various beads and amulets around his neck. And, his face also had white horizontal lines running across it. All in all he seemed pretty legit and unlike the other Romani places or ‘Pikies’ pretending to be Romani. So, why had your friends snickered? It was definitely the headdress. The skull of a bull was being worn as a hat with beads dangling from the horns. 

  “Let me guess? You were expecting us?” Your friend Ashido joked. 

“No. Actually I wasn’t.” He deadpanned wiping his dirty hands on a rag. 

“What type of witch doctor are you if you weren’t expecting us?” Jirou shot back.

“The kind who gets the job done.” He answered averting his eyes from your group. 

After he said that Your group of five stood in silence. You wouldn’t lie the man was cute and, he seemed very shy. However, you felt very uncomfortable when you saw the rusty color the rag he used took. He motioned for you all to follow him and, you found yourself in a room that made you shiver. 

“Woah. T-this is a bit s-scary.” Uraraka whispered her hand clasping onto Tsuyu’s shirt. You silently agreed. The room was lit entirely by candle light. On shelves were various dark containers and jars. The walls were covered in white diagrams and scribbles. You bit back bile when you saw a pot boiling in the corner of the room…. There was a whole bull head inside.

All of you huddled closer. In the center was a table and he asked you all to sit. You were ready to leave. You sat facing a mirror. Hanging off that mirror were various dead toads mouths sewn shut as they were all connected in a link by their limbs. You’re eyes didn’t miss how Tsuyu cringed. You and your friends weren’t expecting this. Even Ashido had piped down. 

“So.” His sudden intrusion making you all jump. He flushed in embarrassment. Mumbling a small apology before continuing. “What did you come here for today? I offer readings, cleanses.” You all heard him mutter curses but none of you commented on it. 

Gaining courage Ashido asked for a reading. When she held out her palm he took it into his hands. All of you were on edge. She let out a small shriek when he pulled out a needle and pricked her finger. He picked up the deck of cards from the table and let the bead of blood drip onto them. You all looked at each other. Maybe coming here was a bad idea.. He smeared the drop on the card before bringing it to his mouth to lick it off. 

“This is a form of divination.” He muttered telling Ashido to pull out three cards. 

“Upright- Wheel of fortune, Reversed- Hanged man, Upright- Death.” He whispered. 

“Death!!! Hanged!!” Ashido yelled backing up her eyes showing a bit of a fright. “Y-your lying!! Your just trying to scare me. I’m leaving!” 

Before she could leave a force had her back on her chair. If you weren’t scared before you were now. “I have control over your blood for now so please sit still and listen to the meaning of your cards. There is nothing you need to be worried about.”

“In order the upright wheel of fortune means that there will be an inevitable change in your future. Based on the Reversed hanged man I’m sure you're aware of it which is why your stalling, you fear what you would have to sacrifice. Upright death there will be change regardless of what you do. There will either be a new beginning regardless of how the cycle ends.” He spoke.

“That was pretty vague.” Jirou mentioned. 

“But it’s not right? Mina Ashido? You haven’t told your friend here that Kaminari Denki proposed to you haven’t you?” he asked. 

“What?!” Jirou exclaimed turning to Ashido. 

“I-I meant to tell you all but I don’t know what to do?” Ashido replied. 

“I can’t believe this!!!” Jirou yelled standing up and leaving. Ashido was quick to chase her.

You looked to the impassive face of the witch doctor and shivered. Was he getting revenge? When his eyes met yours you jumped in fright and looked away. His blue eyes looked to Uraraka and, she froze. His hunched figure walked to one of the shelves and, he reached over a large conch and brought back a carton of eggs..

“Stand...Please.” He asked. Uraraka was so shaken she tipped the chair when she stood. She quickly picked it up apologies tumbling from her lips like a mantra. The tips of his ears burned when he ordered her to stand in an open jumping jack position. Starting from her head he rubbed the egg on her body. Uraraka’s trembling didn’t go unnoticed and, when he pulled away she let an audible sound of relief. 

His tired looking eyes searched the table and you jumped when his cold fingers brushed against yours to retrieve the bowl that was next to you. He easily cracked the egg into the bowl and Uraraka let out a shriek. He hummed. 

“Just as I suspected.” He muttered twirling the red and, black continents of the egg in the bowl.  

“W-why is it that color!!” She yelped tears prickling at the corner of her large doe eyes. 

“Simple. Someone cursed you.” He said picking up a large palm leaf. 

“W-wait? Are you sure? What if all the eggs are like that.” Tsuyu interrupted. To your horror he cracked three eggs of Tsuyu’s choosing.. All of them with normal whites and yolk. 

“I can brush it off or give you-” He paused mid-sentence and, looked to Uraraka again. “Y-you wouldn’t happen to be Ochacho Uraraka?”

“Y-yes.” She yelped. 

You all looked in confusion as he put down the large leaf and sighed. He once again avoided eye contact. 

“Wh-what’s wrong c-can’t you fix it?!” She cried.

“I can’t.” He mumbled. 

“And why not!” She yelled getting hysterical. 

He walked towards a cauldron hanging on the sealing. He slipped his hand inside and Tsuyu spilled her guts onto the floor. You were rooted to the spot both physically and metaphorically. How you wished you could run like the frog loving girl. You figured she was already around the corner. You struggled to move an inch but, when his indigo eyes met your again you froze.

“W-what is t-that?” Uraraka’s tears were now flowing freely as she stared at the mutilated frog. The poor creature was still alive covered in mucus, water and blood. It’s mouth sewn shut. The ‘meek’ witch doctor opened his mouth to speak filling you both with unbridled terror. 

“I-It’s you.” He muttered. “Earlier today I was tasked with the job to rot you from the inside out. A girl named Himiko Toga. She paid a really high price for this… I don’t take back orders so I can’t undo it.. You might want to find someone who can if you want to live You have about two weeks ...”

You couldn’t even turn your head to see Uraraka run out of the shop. You were alone. With this strange man who did strange impossible, illogical, horrible things. You felt your body tremble when he returned the frog and cleaned his hands. He scared you. However, he didn’t turn to you instead he removed the headdress. As if you weren’t even in the same room he arranged his candles. He’d look at a list and blow certain ones off. 

Once done he turned to you. His dark blue eyes seemed to observe you for a long time. That was until he flushed and looked away. You saw him grab a ‘pilon’ from a cabinet and a long piece of ribbon from a shelf. Then he grabbed a polaroid camera. The only normal thing in the room. When he had everything gathered he sat down in a chair in front of you. 

“I’m sorry for not allowing you to move.” He started turning the camera on. He bit his lip and looked to you again. “Your the only one left.”

“P-please.” You pleaded. You let the word tumble from your lips and felt yourself jump back when his fingers brushed the tears from your eyes. 

“I’m really sorry but your friends left without paying..” He whispered with false regret. “How would you pay me for all those works if not by this?”

“By what?! Please just let me go!” You cried. You jumped when the flash went off a picture of you quickly being dispelled from the camera. When he took another you wailed. You screamed and begged. Praying that someone would hear you or that your friends would return. 

“Shhh it’s not all that bad. (Name)?” He questioned. 

“H-how do you know my n-name?” You hiccuped. 

“Your picture told me.” He replied dropping a picture into the ‘pilon’ with a shaky smile. 

“W-what are you d-doing.” You asked watching as he pulled the other print and began to cover it with the ribbon. When he was finished you felt your body slacken. Whatever had been holding you down to the chair has released you. 

You didn’t waste a second and ran to the entrance. Once there you reached for the door handle…. Your hand didn’t touch it. You couldn’t touch it. How could you not touch it! You were right in front of it! You tried and tried tears of frustration pouring down your face. You let out a sob as a force kept you from even touching the door. That’s when you heard it. It was rythmic a slow thumping sound. 

-Thump- Thump- Thump-

He was behind you. In his hands the ‘pilon’. He was crushing the photo that he had put in there. Your eyes met his one last time. When he had stopped your eyes were completely glazed over. He smiled. 

“Come here (Name).” And, you went. 

.

.

.

.

“Oh cool! It says real voodoo!” A blonde haired man chimed.

“As if that crap is real.” His friend scoffed.

“Who knows.” The third man shrugged as they entered the shop.

Once inside the men looked around in curiosity. That was until the owner came out to greet them. With averted eyes he motioned for them to follow him. 

“Oh shit this is creepy.” The blonde muttered. “A-are those real organs?”

“Please take a seat.” The witch doctor smiled removing the jar with an (e/c) orb in it from the table. “What would it be?”

“I dunno? Let’s talk to the dead?” One of them chimed. 

“Great. (Name) grab the Ouija I’ll start the circle.”

“Yes…. Master Tamaki…”

Fun Fact: Brujeria (Black Magic) is actually illegal in the Dominican Republic. Happy Halloween!!!

[coffee-without-caffeine]

Meet the Author

Okay so before I like actually do this, I did see someone else do this a long time ago (before I became a ff account) so uh credit to whoever I saw do this, sorry I can’t remeber them!

Pronouns: I go be she/her or he/him. Honestly what pronouns I use doesn’t matter to me and I use both of them

Random Facts:

- I eat straight rainbow chip frosting when I’m sad.

- I hate high pitched noises and I flinch when anything sounds slightly high (Idk how to describe it)

-I'm scared of babies and dislike kids ages 3-11

-I love holding people's hands, since my hands are constantly cold

- I’m an INTJ but I think I might have been mistyped.

-I don’t own a cat but I really really like cats and I often will stop my runs just to look at a random cat I saw

Personality:

Despite how I am when I private message someone or on my social media, I’m a fairly introverted person. Being around people makes me exhausted (except for like two people ik, they’re the only people I can really chill with without getting tired) and I typically don’t enjoy large crowds. When first meeting people in person I’m either really sarcastic, really mean, or like overly stiff and awkward. Meeting new people tends to make me really frustrated and anxious because I don’t understand them and how they’ll react to certain things or how they think + people are just bothersome in general so uh yeah. Despite my introverted nature I don’t enjoy being in situations that I can’t control. Normally I’ll try and take control or be the “leader” to most things. I really like the quiet no matter where it is. Silence is so calming and carefree and it lets me just sit down and organize my thoughts. I obviously love to write and I love to read just as much as I do write. I rarely get time to sit down and play video games but I love to play them. I typically lean towards strategy based games or RPGs. I play two sports and I tend to be really competitive with most things but I will normally only actively compete if I’m comfortable (if that makes sense). I forgot to add it before but I play water polo and I’ve been a competitive swimmer for close to three years now. That’s all I really have for now so I figured I’d add some of my weird habits just for fun. 

Habits/just things I do:

- I stick my tongue out randomly

- I talk to myself quite a bit, especially in stores or when I’m stressed

- If I can’t get all of my thoughts out or if I want to say something but I can’t I just trace whatever I want to say on my arm, leg, or hand.

- Sometimes I’ll put earbuds in so I can listen to a conversation but people won’t try and include me in it

- I often rant to my lizard when I’m stressed and he and I will eat apples together (I cut up some of my apple for him and feed it to him while I eat)

[tavi-hayes]

practice challenge ~ journey to the palace

((whoopwhoop, idk how i managed to write this (given it’s quite long and i usually never ever write stuff this long) also please excuse me again for any spelling/grammar errors i try. alsoooo thanks to these wonderful girls: Bethia @h-hart​, Kat @clara-choii​ and Pia @brookelynnsanders​!))

It was silent at work today. The only sounds were the flipping of pages and the ticking on keys of a computer, followed by a frustrated sigh occasionally.

“Maybe we should get some more flutes?” I said, “they’re not that expensive and they won’t take up a lot of space here.”

Lola, being distracted by her laptop, showed no sign that she had heard what I just said.

“Helllooo, Lo are you there?”

“Huh, what?” she ran her hands through her hair as she looked my way.

I lifted the catalogue to show her the flute page.

“No Tavi,” Lo leaned her head on the back of the chair, doing the accounts must have tired her. “We already have flutes, and no one is ever interested in them. They have been here for decades.”

I rolled my eyes, “maybe that is why no one is interested. They look grim.”

Lo refocused on her laptop, and I flipped another page of the catalogue.

Oeh, the bass guitars. My favourite part.

I ran my finger over the page, paying a lot of attention to each one.

There were electronic bass guitars, but also the semi-acoustic ones. Some were very modern-looking with the brightest of colours, while others go for more of a vintage look.

I don’t know if I would ever be able to part with my own baby. The bass guitar, that I now owned, had been eyeing me every day since it had arrived in the store. It had been love at first sight.

But it was such a big investment and I just didn’t have that kind of money.

A part of my earnings was needed for us to make a living, pay the rent and do the groceries for example. And the other part that wasn’t needed for that, entered our savings jar.

We had been saving money since the day my dad was put behind bars. For whatever reason those bars had been in St. George. Freaking St. George.

The province didn’t even have direct borders with Denbeigh, Ottaro was right in between.

That made a simple, but still long, car ride impossible. Not taken the problems that come with the snowy climate into account.

That same climate also caused issues for our only transportation option.

Denbeigh’s climate was hard to predict at times. It could be a beautiful day with sunshine and a clear sky, but then you wake up the next morning to a thick layer of snow.

And because those snowfalls could happen in at least 8 out of 12 months, a lot of planes got cancelled in those months. The only airport anywhere near Winnipeg was privately owned. So the owners could literally ask the prices they wanted for the plane tickets. And boy, they were only focussed on making a profit.

For a simple family of Fives, those prices were unpayable. Hence why we had been saving money for 6 years now, still nowhere near able to pay for tickets. My mom would need a ticket, Daniel and I would too, and we just can’t leave little Aria and Arlan. My dad should be allowed to see them as well. That’s means we already need the money for 5 tickets. But if we include Daniel’s family, with his wife and little Melody, then that would equal 7 tickets.

So yeah, I would never have been able to buy that bass guitar.

Until Lo had a brilliant idea. They would give it to me as my birthday present for the upcoming 10 years. At first, I couldn’t accept that kind of gift, knowing it would have been a huge investment for the Wood family as well. But they insisted, hinting that they would get an employee discount anyway since you know Mr Wood owns the place. So, the price dropped, and they ignored me, so I had to give in and accept. It was the best gift I had ever gotten.

The stores door busted open, “GIRLS!” Gina’s voice took me back to earth. “they’re about to do the draw!”

“What draw?” apparently Lo shared my confusion.

Gina rolled her eyes and grabbed Lo’s laptop from the table. “Wait, I was working! Save it, save it!”

The laptop was put right on top of the catalogue I had just been looking through. Lo ushered over as well.

“Let me just,” Gina had opened an internet page and started typing in the website address of Winnipeg’s number one news channel, WTV. Such an original name.

The news anchor, some middle-aged woman with very fake looking blond hair, appeared on screen. “What is she wearing?” Lo asked, disgust and confusion both showing on her face.

“A track suit, it’s part of her image,” Gina unmuted the laptop, the crow-like voice of the woman filling the room, “now shush, I wanna hear this.”

“… Cameron Porter has been selected for the Illéan national ice hockey team. The star of Winnipeg’s very own ice hockey team, the Winnipeg Belugas, will accompany the national team to the world cup, taking place later this year in Saint Petersburg, Russia. Last week’s draw concluded that Illéa will have to face the German Federation and New Asia in the group stage. The national team’s training will start next week.”

Lo and I shared a look, “this is what you wanted to see Gina?”

“Since when do you care about ice hockey?” I asked, this was something new.

“Urgh, you guys are intolerable,” she silenced us with her finger.

“… and now we will switch to the royal palace in Angeles, to watch the live draw for Prince Arin’s Selection.”

The draw, of course that was what had sparked Gina’s interest. For some unknown reason, the entire Selection had slipped from my mind.

Nevertheless, I felt a little flutter in my stomach. Nerves. Looking over to my friends, I noticed the tense looks on both of their faces. Lo’s hands were clasped together, while Gina’s had disappeared in the pockets of her cardigan.

“Welcome,” some weird voice-over called.

With that the camera focussed on the prince.

“Urgh,” I rolled my eyes.

Lo poked me in the side, laughing, “oh Tavi your distaste is showing.”

“I don’t understand how you can hate someone who is that good looking. I mean have you seen that jawline? Perfection.” Gina had had a crush on the prince for as long as I had known her.

I rolled my eyes again, “I don’t hate him.” The drawing began before I had time to explain myself further.

“From Allens … Idalia Moretti.”

“He doesn’t look very happy,” I couldn’t help but comment, “or comfortable.”

Gina sighed probably annoyed that she couldn’t listen to the show properly, “his engagement was called off not that long ago. That is a pretty hard thing to deal with.”

“Yeah, I see, it’s so hard that he’s having a Selection. Shouldn’t he like get over the other girl first?”

My friends ignored me.

“From Angeles … Emily Rose White.”

This thing was going to take forever. I just wanted to look at the catalogue again, not at that prince, “he’s making me feel uncomfortable, just by watching him.”

Again, no response from either of my friends.

I took that as a sign to remain silent, knowing very well my friends wouldn’t reply anyway now that their eyes were locked on the prince.

“From Dakota … Brooke Lynn Sanders.”

Gina let out a breath she was holding, “okay now is Denbeigh,” she took our hands in hers, “fingers crossed it’s one of us.”

Her hand palms were sweaty, she must really want this.

“From Denbeigh … Octavia Hayes.”

We were all silent for a minute. Then Lo started screaming, Gina joining her. “Oh my GOODNESS!”

“Tavi! You’re going to the palace! You’re going to meet the prince!”

“Yeah,” I was absolutely lost for words. Meeting the prince hadn’t been the first thing that came to my mind, hell it hadn’t even been the second or third thing.

The first thing I thought was: I’m one step closer to getting my dad out of prison. I will be in that freaking library day and night looking for the book that is going to help me. There must be something somewhere about a second opinion on a court order, or something else to annul the judge’s decision.

“Ohhh, I’m sooo jealous of you right now. You are going to meet the prince! And there’s a chance he will fall in love with you and you’ll have beautiful babies.” Gina pulled on one of my curls, it bounced up and down as she let go of it.

“Uhm, I think that particular chance can be redeemed to zero.” I bit my lip, not even in my biggest dreams had I imagined my name would be drawn.

“Tavi, listen. I know you only applied for those laws books, but you need to be friendly to the prince if you want to stay,” Lo insisted, “or else you will be eliminated.”

“And I have to interact with him?”

“There are girls who would kill for a chance of even being in one room with him,” Gina took over, she sounded very serious suddenly. “You’ll meet him that’s for sure, and if you actually try you might make it far enough to earn a date. Just at least try to be nice, okay?”

“Just don’t insult him,” Lo added, “or his family, or the country. Okay, don’t insult anyone.”

The way my best friends were looking at me brought me right back to the good old school days. That was exactly the way teachers had looked whenever I had done something naughty. Which had basically been at least once every day.

“Do you promise?” Lo asked when I didn’t respond.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll try not to insult anyone.” I sighed, this is going to be so much harder than I thought.

All of a sudden a lot robot-like voice yelled “BREAKING NEWS”.

It just scared the living shit out of me. We turned as one towards the laptop again.

On the screen was that fake blond woman in her tracksuit again.

“Prince Arin just completed the draw for his very own Selection. Some famous girls will be joining him at the palace. Our very own province will be represented by Octavia Hayes. You might have heard of her, given that she is some meekly Five. But her father’s name will ring a bell. Octavia’s father is Caspar H., a dangerous convict in prison for murdering Winnipeg’s beloved mayor Wilfred Wallis. He might have very well passed the criminal gene onto his daughter. Not only is she definitely not a good representative for Denbeigh, but the lives of the royal family might all be in danger.”

“Damn it!” Stupid news anchor. Why couldn’t they just stay out of my family’s business. Now the entire country will be aware of this. My dad’s arrest did make the headlines of some newspapers when all that had gone down. But that had been 6 years ago and I had hoped no one would remember that.

But now it was out in the open. Again.

It didn’t even matter that my dad was innocent. He had already been suffering for it by being locked up far away from our family.

“Tavi,” Lo put her arms around me, “that’s just bullshit, no such thing as a criminal gene exists.”

Gina joined our hug, “you can’t take anyone seriously who wears a tracksuit on live TV.”

*** Couple of days later ***

Dear dad,

My name got drawn for the Selection, I’m going to the palace and meet the prince. Some palace person is coming to pick me up anytime now so I can’t write a lot. Plus, if the mail has already arrived then you will have to wait another month before you get this anyway.

I asked Daniel if he could start writing a monthly letter as well, maybe he can even add a little picture of Melody so you can see her for the first time. He said he will take care of mom, Aria and Arlan as well. Molly will just cook dinner for more people, which she doesn’t really mind doing. At least that’s what she said.

Anyhow I will write to you from the palace.

Lots of love, 

Octavia

Zohl wzw, R’n hxzivw. Tlrmt gl gsv kzozxv, z dslov mvd vmerilmnvmg dsviv R wlm’g pmld zmblmv. Ovzermt nln, vhkvxrzoob mld gszg rg urmzoob hvvnh orpv hsv’h gibrmt gl orev ztzrm. Zmw dszg droo gsv xlfmgib gsrmp lu nv. Droo R gfim rmgl zm lfgxzhg? Zxxliwrmt gl DGE R’n tlrmt gl hozftsgvi veviblmv rm gsv kzozxv, yvxzfhv lu blfi ‘xirnrmzo tvmvh’. Yfg gsv kvlkov dsl olev blf droo zodzbh yvorvev blfi rmmlxvmxv, vevm ru gsv dslov xlfmgib hvvnh gl gsrmp lgsvidrhv. Qfhg pmld gszg dv nrhh blf wvziob. Zmw R droo gib vevibgsrmt R xzm gl tvg blf ivovzhvw. Qfhgrxv zodzbh kivezroh.

*** At the airport ***

The car journey all the way from Winnipeg to somewhere in Sota had lasted for ages. Even though I hadn’t really been aware of that, since I fell asleep as soon as they closed the doors behind me.  

A frustrated voice had woken me up, “can you please stop drooling all over the leather upholstery?”

My eyes flew open, saliva was indeed smeared on the seat. I quickly wiped it off my face, where it had been present as well. “Sorry,” I mumbled, I then realized we had arrived at the airport, I quickly opened the car door and jumped out.

What I immediately noticed was the rain puddle I had landed in. My shoes and socks were soaking wet. Great.

“Maybe you should try to act more lady-like?” the driver said with a very disapproving tone, looking me up and down. He had already taken my guitar case out of the car and was about to put it right onto the wet street. I quickly grabbed the case out of his hands, clutching it close to my body.

The driver sighed, “there’s the entrance to the airport. Inside it will be clear which directions to follow.”

I made my way towards the entrance he had pointed at when I heard him mumble to himself, “why did I had to drive a barbarian?”

As I turned around, the car’s engine had been running again. I wasn’t sure if he could see me, nor I did I really care. I showed my middle finger to the car anyway. Asshole.

Never had I seen an airport before. It was freaking massive, people walking in all possible directions. Some carrying luggage with them, others with balloons that read “we missed you” or “welcome home”.

One day, my fam and I will be waiting at the airport, carrying one of those dumb balloons around. Coming to pick up dad.

I snapped out of my daydream by someone tapping me on my shoulder. “Miss Hayes, please come with me.”

Nodding, I followed the person not really having another choice since I had no clue which way I had to go. Maybe this is some insane kidnapper.

My heartbeat increased; did I just make a stupid mistake?

“Only one girl has arrived so far. You are to wait for the others before you can board the plane.”

Okay, no insane kidnapper then.

Unless.

This is a complete setup created by his crazy brain.

Panic filled my body, damnit how will I get out of this situation.

Okay, if I just push the person onto the floor, that will give me a chance to run for my life.

One. 

Two.

Three.

I took a deep breath in, ready to make the push. But at the last minute the person side stepped which caused me to lose my balance. He looked at me in a very funny way, “please take a seat, the flight attendant will come get you in a few minutes.”

My cheeks turned very very warm, the redness might very well have equalled the red colour of a traffic light.

Trying to calm myself down, I slumped down into a chair. Yikes, only now became I aware of it again. My socks were still wet and cold. Sigh.

After taking a few deep breaths in and out, I noticed the other girl.

“Oh hey, you’re also a Selected?” I started, realizing it wouldn’t be a bad thing to talk to someone.

She turned towards me, “I am Brooke Lynn Sanders, but just call me Brooke please!”

Not knowing what else to do, I waved at her a little awkwardly. “hi Brooke, nice to meet you. My name is Octavia, but please call me Tavi.”

“Nice to meet you Octavia. Did you have a good journey?” I could already tell she did have the lady-like manners I had been lacking.

Oh god, I couldn’t possibly tell her about the drooling situation, so I decided to stick to a vague answer. “Yeah, it was alright thanks. What about your own journey? Which province are you from?”

“My send off from Dakota was a bit bumpy but I am here now. I wish they would have let me take the train though...”

Another girl arrived, also looking very much like someone the prince could end up with. Compared to these two, I was more of a rag doll.

Pushing my feelings behind that wall deep inside me, I waved her over, “oh yeah hi, please join us.”

We chatted some more for a bit, until Haven arrived.

The way she was walking, the only person I had seen walking like that was Long-Beard Logan, the homeless guy who could often be found near New Wave Records. He walked the same way, but he had one wooden leg.

Then Haven opened her mouth, a weird voice coming out, “hi.”

I noticed Brooke shared my confusion, “uhm hello?”

She took out her phone and typed something, it read ‘I’m Haven’.

My confusion hadn’t ebbed away, “are you alright?”

She typed some more, ‘yup:)) just got a bad cold! what are your names?’.

As a response to that we all introduced ourselves again. These girls didn’t seem to be that bad, hopefully the other Selected at the palace were the same. But the chance of that being true was small. Also, why did I care what the other girls were like? I wasn’t there to make friends, with them or with the prince. I had applied for the thing I needed most. Access to the royal library.

“Have you guys ever been on a plane before? This is all very new to me.” I admitted, trying to ease the nerves that had been building up inside me ever since my name had been picked in that draw.

Brooke had a very strong opinion on planes. Private planes more specifically.

Which came as a shock to me. The private plane part. I didn’t know what I was thinking but taking a private plane had never crossed my mind.

In the meantime, Brooke started talking about the CO2 emissions.

“How else would we get to the palace without having an endless journey? It’s not like there’s a teleportation device, right?” I said a little more vicious than I intended. The higher castes used planes all the time, if anyone had a cause in the destruction of our planet it was definitely them.

Brooke definitely had thought of it all, as she mentioned the outstanding quality of the Illéan train system. Clara chimed in to agree with her.

I decided to not mention my exact thoughts about the higher castes, given the fact that I had promised my friends back home not to insult anyone. So I just nodded my head, “yeah okay I understand your point.”

We were able to board the plane shortly after that. Brooke sat down in a window-seat and Clara nestled herself in the seat next to Brooke’s.

I took a chair on the opposite side of the plane, trying to create some sort of privacy for myself without being rude.

Haven sat down in the seat next to me and smiled at me.

The entry door closed; I could no longer contain my nerves. “Here we go I guess.” I tried to calm my breathing, but it didn’t really help. I tried to think of my family back home in Denbeigh, didn’t help either. I heard my dad’s voice in my head, it was like he was actually talking to me, “You are a strong girl, the flight will be over before you know it. Octavia, you can do this.”

A weird sound whisked my dad’s voice away, I looked over towards the source of the sound. It was Brooke choking on her drink. “Please don’t die,” I said. Her dying here would be a shitty start to this whole adventure. Besides, Brooke actually seemed like a nice person.

She coughed, “I am – I am trying.”

Haven mentioned her sibling, how they were close and stuff. She then asked if we had any siblings ourselves.

This provided me with the perfect distraction. I turned towards her, “yeah, I have three siblings. One older brother, a younger sister and a younger brother as well.”

Normally I would never share such personal information with someone I had just met but talking about them was the distraction I so desperately needed from this whole plane situation.

The others talked some more, but I just realized the one and only thing that would get me through this.

Music.

“If you guys don’t mind, I’m gonna listen to some music.” I said as I took my earphones out of my bag. “Haven would you like to join?” I asked her politely, given that she was sitting right next to me and it would have been quite rude otherwise.

She smiled at me and nodded, so I handed her one of the earphones. “I do have a very mixed taste in music so you’re in for a treat.” Maybe I could even make her listen to our own music, you know casually extending Five Whispers’ audience.

As a reply, Haven winked at me, “I love a girl with mixed music taste.”

Oh who would have thought, I had something in common with another Selected. I too liked people with a diverse music preference, since music says so much about a person. The quote ‘You are what you listen to’ was on one of the walls of New Wave Records music store. It was also my own personal life motto.

Clara and Brooke continued chatting, but I didn’t listen anymore. The music had taken a hold on me and it had only released me from its grip when the plane hit the ground in Angeles.

[clericbyers]

(1/2) idk if it’s stupid but i get rlly sad when i think about byler not becoming canon but i don’t wanna get my hopes up. media’s disappointed me so many times w lgbt rep, queerbaiting but not coming to fruition, having the token gay character (ik robin is confirmed but she was just introduced and i’m worried will is gonna get that treatment too where he’s left single or paired up with some random), etc and it hurts to see a pairing w genuine chemistry have a chance but it not be seen through

(2/2) esp w how toxic mileven was this season having them end up together just hurts me for the sake of both of them. in 1-2 i was okay w them ending up together (kinda like how i am w lumax now - i prefer elmax but they’re cute together and it doesn’t bother me) and in s1 i didn’t even ship any of them; i thought mileven was kind of out of left field and thought el maybe just needed some space but now it’s like,, so much worse. at the v least i can’t see them as endgame w a clear conscience :(

I don’t think you should ever think it’s stupid that you feel sad about an lgbt couple not becoming canon ; it’s rare af, and, like you said, media is a constant disappointment when it comes to lgbt rep. representation isn’t just acknowledging we (as in the lgbt community) exist, that is literally. acknowledgement. Representation is doing more, it is turning that acknowledgement into action, into treating lgbt characters (and real life people!) as you would anyone else. representing the community in a way that reflects the real world, which is that: lgbt couples / people are no different than any hetero couple / person outside of who they love. and for some reason in media, that difference (not even how that difference is expressed but the literal. dictionary definition difference.) is seen as something ‘overtly and unnecessarily sexual’ to display and is always sidelined, baited, or turned into a trope. It’s tiring and annoying and needs to stop.

That being said, I understand the frustration with byler especially given they are a pairing with genuine chemistry and love (platonic and/or romantic, but platonic is definitely there without a doubt) for each other. The show built up two seasons worth of care and commitment between Mike and Will, along with the years of commitment and friendship they have before the show even begins. It’s the foundations for a healthy and loving relationship, having that trust and dedication and devotion. Seeing a friendship/relationship like that between two boy get tossed aside for a hetero relationship that is almost the exact opposite in terms of trust at least, is annoying as hell. I too was rooting for Mike and El, albeit not at their current ages and definitely only after El has found her place in the world, which then irritated me a lot more about ST3 (but their whole incompatibility might be purposeful who knows; it depends on what’s in store next season). I didn’t particularly actively ship any of the characters really until a while after ST2, everything was just cute and fun to watch play out but now they are older and growing up and these relationships are way more serious now even if they are still kids. It’s that make or break it stage, you know? But yeah, I also can’t see Mike and El together unless many things change between them in the meantime, mostly on Mike’s end of the deal but El, too, was selfish and lying and being possessive so...they both just need time apart.

Still, I understand you about not wanting to get your hopes up! I try my hardest too not to believe in the reality of it though I do like to think about it anyway because it’s just...it’s perfect. And by perfect I don’t mean they aren’t without flaws, no, ST3 has shown us how jealousy and neglect affected Mike and Will’s relationship, but the way they dealt with it, the way Mike took responsibility for his actions and ran after Will and searched for him at Castle Byers, the fact that he knew to go to Castle Byers after Will’s house is so telling about how much he cares about Will and knows him, too. It’s perfect in the way that it feels like it’s supposed to happen, like you know there’s genuine affection here and yes, there are arguments and strifes, but they still come back together in the end. Three months later after that damaging argument, Will and Mike are flirting and smiling, and Mike is blushing--there’s something happening. Three months later after the break up, El and Mike are awkward and Mike’s shutting himself down and lying still. Intended or not, there’s a parallel here that shouldn’t be ignored and it points a very specific light on byler, one tinted with romantic inclinations. Besides, it’s hard not to get attached when their friendship/love is one of the most real things in the show.

[dolansmith]

Thoughts on the “Trisha Drama”

I’m going to preface this with my previous thoughts of both sides. I didn’t know who Trisha was until after I found out about the vlog squad about a year ago. I didn’t mind her, i thought she brought out an interesting perspective to the group. Then I thought she was literally off her rocker. 

I loved the vlog squad bc I found them in a really difficult time in my life and they kept me from getting too deep into a depression. While I saw some of their mistakes, I saw the best in them all and hoped for change or at least some kind of accountability. 

This is gonna be really long and idk if anyone is even gonna read this/care lol but Im just so frustrated with a lot of the people that are into the vs. Like after really looking into everything that happened, I felt kind of ashamed to be backing the vs bc they’re doing some fucked up stuff tbh. 

So lets do a basic rundown of mistakes made. 

Mistakes in their public relationship:    -Trisha: made sexual jokes about jason’s friends, started arguments about her insecurities instead of starting a conversation.     -Jason: made sexual jokes about girl’s a decade younger than trisha (and 2 and a half decades younger than him), would complain about having to go do things trisha liked doing and would pout the whole time  (i.e. disneyland and a couple of the hamilton viewings), would egg on trishas insecurities, literally dumped her on a daily basis and call her crazy when she voiced said insecurities and then would basically get back together within an hour and practically give everyone whiplash, also talked about her weight and eating habits CONSTANTLY (fucking dick)    -David: inputted himself in their relationship, recorded their fights and encouraged their toxic behavior to both his friends and his audience

Mistakes in the “official” breakup:    -Trisha: talking about jason’s ex and kids, comparing david to ted bundy (a lil wild but tbh not that big of a deal bc no one actually believed thats what she meant but anyway), the brandon thing (we’ll come back to this)    -Jason: continuing to make jokes about fucking a 19/20 year old despite his gf saying she didn’t like it, not putting an end to David “pressuring him” to making said jokes, the brandon thing    -David: ignoring his “friend” when she said not to put something in his vlog, putting his image and career first

Mistakes after:    -Trisha: constantly going on rants about david and Jason.    -Jason: staying in contact with trisha secretly. (ill get back to this too)    -David: putting his image above all else. 

Now we’re going to get into some uncomfortable hot takes. I’m gonna get a whole lotta hate from stans but tbh idc anymore

The Brandon Thing (I’ve done some digging since her video exploding at Jeff): 

   -Brandon began a relationship with a high schooler. She was underage the first time they had sex. There’s receipts and timelines set up. I’d recommend Petty Paige’s Youtube video on it for specifics.     -Lot’s of vs fans say she only brought it up when her and Jason ended so that meant she didn’t really care, but I’d like to point out that she has stated (on more than one occasion) that she voiced her thoughts on this multiple times to the group in Private and no one cared. Y’all are always going on about how she should say whatever she has to say in private but when she does and is ignored, what then? Just a thought.     -Let’s also bring the rest of the vs up in this. How come none of them ever said anything? They’re the ones still out here tolerating him. Pretty hypocritical. I’m not gonna aim anything at the girls bc none of them have Brandon in their videos but the guys? Jeff, Jason, David, Todd and I think Scott too, have all had Brandon in at least one video. They’re out here talking shit about Trisha amongst each other but are friends with a predator? Lmao Okay, cool. 

Jason Keeping in Contact for months: 

   -This was dumb.     -As someone who has suffered from mental health issues and has been in a mental hospital and suffered from attachment AND abandonment issues, Trisha would’ve been better off had Jason ended things and kept them that way. Instead, he ended their public relationship and friendship. He kept her a secret from even his “friends” and then dragged on their “friendship” for months. For what? He should’ve just given her her things and closure and kept it pushing.     -On that, why did he keep her belongings for so long and refuse to give it back until she said something public about it? He ignored her calls and texts about her very expensive things for weeks. Then she made a video calling him out on it, and she got her stuff back.    -I’m seeing a pattern here, aren’t you?

The Jeff Thing (did some digging on him too...by digging i mean google):

   -This one makes my blood boil for several reasons. ESPECIALLY AFTER TODAYS VIDEO. It rlly put everything into perspective omg.     -The starbucks story that Trisha told was the same everywhere: ‘I saw Jeff at Starbucks and said hey. He ignored me and was such a pussy he left his order at the counter after having paid.’ His masculinity is SO FRAGILE that he twisted it into ‘I’m not gonna be fake with someone who fucked over my friend. Can’t fuck them up either tho lol’ and ‘i’m not gonna make shit easy on you, i’m gonna make them feel weird’. What a baby lmfao    -His assault joke rubbed me the wrong way. I know Jeff’s schtick is the whole “I was in jail for a few months and I was a drug dealer I’m big and scary” blah blah blah. Listen, I’ve met men that have been in jail longer (he was in for only 4 months he once said I think) and had worse upbringings than he did and HAD to do some of the shit Jeff was doing (which lemme remind yall, was on his own accord). The men that I know that have lived similar and worse lifestyles than Jeff, would never and I REPEAT NEVER, make a joke about assaulting a Woman over “fucking my friend over”, when the situation was what it was. Which was: an exposé, basically. That’s some petty shit, it’s for the birds. (Also, Todd and Jay’s jokes about the assault joke? Ain’t it. They were just as bad as Jeff’s original joke.)    -Do y’all know what Jeff’s been to jail for? He tried to assault someone that worked at a 7-Eleven after he and his dumbass friends were fucking around in the store and got yelled at and ended up assaulting a woman walking by.     -He also talked about her mental health issues. Maybe he wasn’t talking about her specifically, but it was REAL specific. He said that it was crazy that a “psychopath” that’s been in a mental hospital still had a platform on youtube. That they shouldn’t have one. Trisha made a really good point of, “some could say the same about your time in jail.” Because they could. And mental health can be managed. So can your outrageous anger issues, Jeff. This was really ignorant on his part.     -I also want to remind everyone about the time he said he didn’t understand how men could be sexually harassed. That all you had to do was say no.    -He says he likes to “make things awkward” and make everything a joke when really he’s just being ignorant and doesn’t want to get real hate when he gets inevitably called out

Trisha’s “Dirt”:

   -Trisha doesn’t know anything that the rest of us don’t. We’re just all IGNORING it. Why? Bc David’s charming and Todd and Jeff are pretty? Ridiculous. This is the last vlog squad post i’m going to make because I’m done. So the following is going to be a rundown on the “dirt” on them that made me come to the decision that I wouldn’t be supporting them anymore. I’ll also put my own thoughts and comments underneath in case y’all are curious. Staying silent about these situations is the same as complacency.     -Brandon Calvillo: Covered this but to reiterate, he dated a high schooler and slept with her/dated her knowing her age. He then lied about it in a video to cover his tracks.           *I am well aware that she was months from being 18. This doesn’t make it okay. What does a 26 year old have in common with a 17 year old? And just because this is the first girl we know about, doesn’t mean she’s the first at all or even the last.     -Durte Dom: He was accused of assault at vidcon.            *This hasn’t been confirmed. But it also hasn’t even been discussed. This girl is getting hate from vs stans and the vs have stayed silent. I can understand not wanting to show attention to people who make accusations for clout, but assault is serious and should at the Very Least be acknowledged privately or legally bc it could be considered slander. Don’t let your fans (or your friend’s fans) do your dirty work.      -Jeff Wittek: He has major anger issues. Makes jokes about assaulting women after actually having assaulted one in the past (accidentally but doesnt take away from what he did) and has made jokes about sexual harassment against men not being viable             *tbh he has a “pretty white boy complex”. Meaning he knows that he can say and do what he wants and most people will let it slide bc he’s a pretty white boy. No education needed.     -Jason Nash: Is friend’s with a predator, is quite possibly setting an awful example to his kids, namely his daughter.          *Listen. I’m a feminist, a woman should be able to decide what to do with her body after she turns 18. But being groomed and hit on by grown ass men when you’re barely legal, ain’t it. If you want to and feel ready, there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it BUT 9.9 times out of 10, that fucks a woman up in the future. One day, she is going to see her dad hitting on a 19/20 year old Tana and see that her dad’s  26 year old best friend dated a 17/18 year old and lied about specifics and might think that’s normal and how men should treat her. I won’t support that shit.

And as for all the other member’s of the vs, they either don’t care enough about what their friends or friends’ friends are doing, or they’re not bothering to even consider it’s happening and that isn’t cool either. 

Be better. 

As for Trisha, she’s had her own faults and fuckups, no doubt about it. I’m not a big fan of her content but i FELT for her. Her name has been dragged through the mud because of this more than anything else and it doesn’t sit right with me when her only real fuckup in THIS situation was bringing the ex and kids into it the way she did. Everything else either could have been avoided or she had a right to say to the public since they put everything about the relationship out in the open as much as she did. If Jason and David had reached out and admitted their own mistakes and asked her to stop talking about them online the way she was, she probably would’ve chilled out. What happened, what they and their fans (us) have done has been nothing short of traumatizing, no doubt. The way these 30 year old boys (Jeff, Todd, Scott and Jay) are reacting to her? They’re the real joke if we’re being honest.

Note: I’d also like to say that if you do still support them and have differing views than I do, I’ll respect you and your views no matter what. Everyones entitled to their opinion and thoughts. These are just mine. 

[blooming-inthedark]

Man

I've had.... Not low energy. But just a day of nothing today. And I've been looking forward to this audition I have in 30 minutes and I'm not even pumped for it because I feel like I just spent all day doing nothing, so it dragged on.

It's like I had nothing to do to pass the time (besides look at my lines) except the same shit I've been doing for 2 months now, which I'm tired of. Watching TV, applying for jobs and getting no calls back, sleeping, menstruating (this week), eating, and thinking about my life and wondering when something will change.

I've also been sick the second half of this week so I haven't been doing Postmates because I knew going in and out of the cold air is probably what has me sick in the first place. This means I've virtually been home all day for the past 5 days (except for store runs, two auditions, and a last minute Blazers game). I'm getting cabin fever but I also feel like there's nothing else I feel up to doing. While I feel like I'm hearing the end of this bug I caught, I still find myself having no drive to do anything. I've been seeing my therapist every Monday and she always gives suggestions that make sense and seem helpful but none of these things improve my overall mood. I might have one great day and then the next is the opposite, back in slumpville.

It would be nice if I had a special somebody to at least talk to on the phone...

Not to mention I'm still dying inside a little when my roommate brings his new girlfriend over, now much more often than before. And how can you really move on from someone while watching them interact and be affectionate with someone new RIGHT in front of you multiple times a week?

Its emotional torture. But it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Lately I'm more frustrated that I can't find a decent job and I don't want to settle for a minimum wage job working amongst high schoolers and managers who think they can talk to you like you too are a child.

I hate the mindset that I'm in. I know I sound like a whining brat but I just want one part of my day to be something I enjoy or like, so why can't that be a job? Since I currently don't have any gigs going, I can at least get a paycheck in a tolerable environment. Or nah??

Been spending money like I have it and I really don't. I have a nail appointment scheduled for Wednesday and I plan to buy that damn chicken sandwich from Popeye's soon because I didn't get to catch them the first time around. And I know these are the last two things I should spend money on it but guys I don't care. It's something that I want and it will bring me temporary joy, and I guess I'm just desperate for that right now. Because I can't find happiness in healthy ways on my own yet.

Idk. If someone could make me laugh or blush right now that'd be great.