#this is the one and only good thing tumblr has done in the 10+ years ive been here

[crowboy-bebop]

tip: i am so fucking mad

[potofsoup]

Happy July 4th, everyone, and good luck to the UK voters out there!

Wow it's Year 11 of doing these!! Here's the AO3 link to the past 10 years, and here's the tumblr link.

Reminder that this is a long game -- some of the judges making decisions were appointed back in the 80s. Many of the cases that were decided this round were from Trump's term. So it's going to take long-term, consistent voting over a decade to start tipping things in the other direction. (Which I talked about in 2018 re: Trump shenanigans and 2022 re: Dobbs).

A lot has been done by the Biden administration (I'm assuming most folks have seen this post by boreal-sea with their very helpful sources), and much of that will be overturned by Trump, especially if he gets the Senate, and especially now that he would have a blank check for anything "official". So let's make sure that doesn't happen.

And even if Trump does get elected, your decisions down-ballot might effect control of the House or Senate, or might make it easier to vote next time, plus the whole plethora of state and local issues. It's Republican state attorney generals who are challenging climate regulations, for example.

Plus, when you really get down to it, only one of the candidates plans on pardoning himself and all his friends if he wins, and attacking the government if he loses. Maybe that guy shouldn't be the President.

If you're new to voting, remember to check voter registration deadlines! I'm a permanent vote-by-mail voter and it's so nice. :)

Transcript under the readmore

Page 1: Sam and Bucky meet up with Steve for a picnic. Steve: Thought you guys were still in Sudan? Bucky: I’m forcing Sam to take a break.

Sam collapses onto the picnic blanket. Sam: Oof, it just never stops, does it? Steve: Nope.

Bucky hands Sam an orange popsicle. Bucky: Eat and relax for a bit, Sam. Sam: Thanks.

Page 2: Bucky asks Steve: How are things state-side? Steve responds: HORRIBLE. Bucky: I thought you’ve been tentatively hopeful about what Biden has been able to achieve? Steve: I was! Student loans, child care, climate regulations, infrastructure, labor, trans rights … he’s quietly done a lot through regulatory improvements and congress bills. But now all people will talk about is how he’s OLD. And then there’s the Supreme Court’s decisions … Chevron and immunity… Steve puts his head in his hands, while Sam and Bucky look on with some concern.

Page 3: Bucky hands Steve a blue/raspberry popsicle: Steve, take a deep breath, and a popsicle. Sam: Sounds like we missed a lot. What’s going on? How bad is it? Steve: Pretty bad. The Supreme Court has made some decisions that give the Court and the President A LOT of discretionary power. Sam: Yikes, that doesn’t sound good. Steve: Well, the Chevron thing means that judges with life-term appointments can override policies made by government agencies. And now it’ll be harder to hold a President accountable because he will have immunity for any “official” actions.

Page 4: Sam: So if the President tries to, say, overturn a democratic election result, he’ll be allowed to as long as it’s in his job description? Steve: I don’t think threatening state electors is “official” business, but that will be decided by federal judges. Who get their jobs by approval from both the President and the Senate. Bucky: Yeesh. No wonder you’re stressed. Any good news? Steve: Well, thanks the Biden and the razor-thin Senate majority, the newer bills don’t rely on the Chevron deference. Still not great but not catastrophic. Sam, squirting ketchup on his hot dog: So what I’m hearing is that it’s now more important than ever to have a President and a Senate who you can trust to appoint fair judges, pass bills, and not commit crimes.

Page 5: Steve: Plus all of the state level offices, now that more and more deciding power has been thrown back to the states — abortion, LGBTQ rights, voting access… Bucky: Hey, at least this is a big election year so we can actually do something! Steve, with his arms crossed, looking surly: Except that all people want to talk about is how Biden is “too old” and “not doing enough,” as if that is on par with Trump’s desire to dismantle basic rights! As if the candidate who doesn’t embody ALL their ideals is not worth voting for! Bucky interrupts with a smart and a loud “PFFT.”

Page 6: Bucky: Um, Steve. YOU were like that in 1940. Sam, nudging Bucky: “Oh, this I gotta hear. Spill, Barnes.” In sepia, Steve is pacing around their apartment while Bucky is sitting and reading a newspaper. Steve: I can’t believe he’s running for a 3rd term! we need a fresh candidate to vote for! This is hardly a choice at all! AND he refuses to engage in Europe! All of Europe under fascist control and we’re just twiddling our thumbs? He’s letting millions die through his inaction! Bucky: Most people don’t want another war, Steve. If he came out for it, he would lose. Steve, indignant: But Buck, it’s your Polish relative who are in danger! Bucky, closing his newspaper and looking at Steve: Yeah, and between FDR and Willkes, I trust FDR to help if he could.

Page 7: Steve, in sepia, looking away: Should he be encouraged to do more? Maybe I should vote for Browder. The Communists have historically be Anti-Fascist.

Sam interrupts off-screen: Waitaminute! STEVE was going to PROTEST-VOTE? Steve: We were in a Blue State, Sam! Sam: But what about the down ballot races?! Steve: RELAX, I did my due diligence down-ballot. I wanted a senate that’s more progressive than the President.Voted LaGuardia for Mayor, too. Steve hesitates: Then, when I got to the President… I realized that the Best case scenario would be that my vote did nothing, versus if it actually spoiled the election. And when I asked myself who I could trust to work with my Senator… well, FDR had a good record with Labor. (sepia shot of young Steve voting) Bucky interrupts: Hold on, Steve.

Page 8: Bucky, eating a cookie, arching an eyebrow: You didn’t vote for Browder? Why didn’t you tell me? Steve: And have you say “I told you so” for the next century? Bucky: Heh.

Steve, with hand on his chin: What’s weird was that, despite everything, I still felt HORRIBLE when I ticked that box. Sam: Sounds like you built up the meaning of that vote far too much in your head. Logically, we know that a single box can’t represent all of the complexity of a whole system, but the desperately WANT it to. Just look at how people have built up so much around the term “Zionis” that it’s made productive conversations difficult.

Page 9: Sam and Steve speak in the background while Bucky reaches into the cooler and pulls out a box. Steve: Sigh. And that’s something that goes beyond the election. Sam: Which is why we need to vote, AND do other things. Bucky, looking at Steve and Sam: Like how Steve works to push organizations on the local level? Or like all the work you do as Captain America? Sam: Exactly. Vote AND.

Sam looks at Bucky fondly: Like how you vote AND make me and Steve take breaks. Bucky, looking stern because he can’t handle compliments: Shush, Sam.

Bucky holds up a cake that has the number “107” on it: It’s time for cake. Happy Birthday, Steve.

[reiderwriter]

My Love Is Mine All Mine

Week 2 of my Playlist series 🎧💕

Summary: Spencer Reid always liked broken things, but you didn't think you could be fixed. Maybe all you needed was understanding and companionship.

Warnings: slight angst, case details mentioned - misogyny, kidnapping, etc, but no graphic/ explicit details. Hurt/Comfort.

A/N: Tumblr, please let me post haha I've been good, I promise 🙏 This fic is so late because I've been having some technical issues with tumblr and it has greatly annoyed me, so hopefully if you're seeing this it's been fixed? Who knows... Thank you to everyone who has sent in songs so far for the Playlist series, I'll be cresting the playlist today and posting it for everyone to see and use!

Masterlist || Series Playlist

Falling for Spencer Reid wasn't in your plan for the new year, but looking back, it was probably something that was just bound to happen. 

He'd been the first person to show you any kindness after everything you went through, the first person who hadn't put their own rigid horror at your past before their attempts at sympathy. 

You watched the way people recoiled from you as you told them - bluntly, you had to be blunt - what the man in the cabin had done to you. 

He listened to your words, didn't interrupt, didn't quietly shake in anger, and refuse to meet your eyes like your father did, didn't weep for her baby like your mother did. He took your hand as it shook. He held your gaze. 

It was his job to ask questions, but there weren't many left to answer. 

The only reason you were alive was because his team had tracked the string of bodies to your kidnappers home. You were alive because one of his coworkers had put a bullet through his head, ending your nightmare. 

The very idea of love was repulsive to you as you emerged from that basement in the first days of the next year, and you remembered thinking the snow looked fresh and soft. You remembered wanting to lay in it, to wrap it around yourself like a warm blanket and drift into sleep. The cold ground would be as much comfort as you would allow yourself. 

Because after everything, you knew you didn't deserve love. 

You accepted understanding from him, though. 

When the shock wore off, you were awash in all the misery inflicted upon you. You raged, kicked, screamed, broke things, and made people uncomfortable. Nothing would numb the pain of being trapped inside your head, your head still trapped inside that basement, that cage. 

He came to visit you at the hospital. The nurses had given up on you, were content you were physically healing, and that they had technically done their job but not bothered by your deteriorating mental state. Some days, you swore that they pierced your skin in the wrong places purposefully, not even searching for your vein. 

But then he was there, with a book and a chess board, and he'd asked you if you'd ever played before. 

“No. Chess always seemed too…” You swallowed the bile that drowned your lungs and tried again. “Before, it was boring. An old person game, too many rules. Now… He said we shouldn't do things like this. Said we shouldn't cultivate our minds.” 

It was a confession again, but one that took a weight off your shoulders, and not one that pushed it further down. 

“Would you like to learn?” His tone was so soft and awkward, like a teenage boy asking a girl out on a first date, that you almost giggled. 

“I'll be honest and say you'll never beat me, I've played through most board combinations, including a large proportion of the 10^80 theorised checkmate positions, so if you'd rather do something else, that's fine, or I can leave, too, if… you'd… prefer?” 

You had laughed then, a thing that bubbled up from the pit of your stomach and left your shoulders shaking as you gasped for breath doubled over. 

You'd been in hell for six months, and he'd drawn you out of it for a few moments by rambling about chess. 

“Are you a patient person, Doctor Reid?” 

“I think so.”

“Then set up the board and let's play.” 

He beat you every time, obviously, but you enjoyed his small explanations of the moves, and you did improve slightly. 

More than that, you enjoyed his company. It wasn't that you talked extensively In your hospital room, oscillating between your lowest point and somewhere just a rung above that where the snow was falling and the air was fresh, but that he never looked at you the way others did. 

You were discharged and were sad to lose that small glimmer of normality. He'd come twice a week throughout January, and now you were back in your usual shape. You were being discharged, and so that would end. 

You were surprised that he came to pick you up from the hospital the day you left. 

The parents who had looked everywhere for you for half a year hadn't wanted to, and the close friends from before hadn't spared you a thought since reposting your missing poster on their social media pages. 

But the man you played chess with twice a week, the man who'd carried you out of hell himself was there. 

“Ready to go?” You nodded, dumbstruck, and followed as he grabbed your bag. 

You weren't exactly sure where it was you were going, but you followed the man anyway, only a small part of your brain shouting in protest considering the last time you'd been blindly trusting.

He led you back to an apartment with some bare furnishings but a large window and a warm soft blanket covering the bed. It wasn't his, but yours. 

“Your parents are paying for it. They're taking the city to court due to the circumstances. Apparently, there were numerous phone calls to law enforcement that went unnoticed, but the city is looking to settle, so you don't have to worry about rent for a while, maybe ever again. The WiFi is all set up, hot water is working, and so is the heating. The locks are triple enforced, and I'm right down the hall, so if you need-” 

“What?” 

He blinked at you and suddenly, looking sheepish, as if becoming aware that he'd presumed a friendship between the two of you without consulting you first. 

“I live down the hall.” 

You stared at each other for a few moments as you processed his words. He lived down the hall. He'd driven you to your new home, set everything up for you, and he lived down the hall. 

“You're a good man, Spencer Reid.” You whispered, turning away to not let the moment linger anymore than it already had. 

Chess nights became routine. You'd set up the board and play for an hour or two or until you were sick of losing. 

Gradually, though, the nights got longer. He'd arrive just as you were eating a meal, and you'd invite him to join you, or he'd bring along takeaway and you'd eat quietly together, talking about everything and nothing.  

One day, you'd mentioned a film. A popular one, one you'd loved as a child and still rewatched to this day. 

“I've never seen it, is it good?” He'd said. And in your shock, you jumped up and sent half the chessboard flying. 

“Well, it seems that now our game is over, that we have time to give you an education, Doctor Reid.” 

“I have three PhD's-” 

“And still you haven't seen Clueless?” 

You'd pulled him over to the couch he'd picked out for you, loaded up the movie and then invented a new tradition. 

Chess nights and film nights were separate days of the week. So he could always promise to be around for one of them even if he had to miss the other because of work. 

You didn't ask him about his job anymore. He saved people like you, and you didn't need to be thinking about people like you too much.

What they went through, if they survived physically. If they survived in other ways. 

He always visited you first when he returned, though. There would be a knock on your door at some point in the day or night, and he'd let you know he was home safe. 

Another tradition. You'd opened the door to let him in the first time he'd returned from a case after you moved in, and he'd leaned down and wrapped his arms around you. 

You heard the breath of relief, loud and emotional, and hadn't quite realised it had come from you until a few minutes later. Some part of you had thought he wouldn't come back. 

Now, every time he came home, you ran to the door and quietly comforted each other, reminding the other that no matter what happened, you were both there for each other. 

You weren't sure when traditions and movies turned into love or if it had lingered over you the entire time. You didn't think you could love someone right then, your heart broken into small pieces with the torment you'd suffered. 

But it was stitched back together with pieces of him still lodged inside. He was in the very fabric of your being as you became whole again. 

The truth was that you most likely couldn't find love again because there was no room in your heart for anyone else. And you'd never be able to reschedule chess nights to go on dates anyway. 

You weren't sure if Spencer ever figured out how much of hum you carried around with him, how your eyes followed his lips as he ran through decades of memories to give you the fact he thought would please you the most. You weren't sure if he loved you as much as you did him until you were.

You'd agreed to watch one of his movies for a change, agreeing to stop the streak of 80s brat pack classics to watch a black and white war film from Russia with no subtitles. You'd sat together on that couch under blankets you'd bought together months earlier, and he'd pulled you in closer.

“I want to watch the movie and translate at the same time. You should sit here.” He'd pulled you into his lap, letting your back fall against his chest as his lips fell to your ears, and he began to whisper. 

Sitting there so closely, so intimately, was almost torture. Unconsciously, your head tipped back with his words, displaying your neck and shoulders, silently willing his lips to drift even once. His arms wrapped around your waist, and you did your best not to squirm the entire movie, but with your heart beating out of your chest, it was a hopeless cause. 

“Did you enjoy it?” He whispered as the credits rolled, but you hadn't even noticed the movie had ended. It wasn't until the silence that followed his question stretched out notably that you came back to reality. You couldn't answer, in fact. You gaped for a few short moments, hoping something vague but accurate enough would just pop into your mind. 

As you attempted to negotiate yourself out of distraction, you turned your face to his, but he was closer than you thought.

Your noses touched, and your breaths mingled. His arms still wrapped around your waist, and your blankets still anchored you to one another. 

“I wasn't paying attention to the movie, Spencer. I'm sorry.” The words came out of you so fast, yet so quietly that you were surprised yourself how honest you had chosen to be. 

“Why not?” He asked, eyes having drifted sleepily down to gaze at your lips. 

You didn't answer his question but felt your cheeks flush red. You thought about pulling away, moving back, or at least laughing everything off, but you didn't. You stayed there, still like a deer in headlights. 

“Your voice was too distracting,” You forced some of the tension out of your body and let your head fall against his shoulder again, hoping this moment wouldn't end anytime soon. 

“Distracting?” He sounded concerned and shifted in his seat, lifting you up from your happy place in his arms until you were again face to face. “Did I make you uncomfortable?” 

The look on his face was so concerned and focused that you had to pause for a second to catch your breath. He cared about your comfort so much and paid attention to each word that came out of your mouth. He wanted your happiness more than anything in the world. 

“No. I'm never uncomfortable with you, Spencer.” You were back to whispering now, hands floating up to grab his own, fidgeting by his sides. You bought them up to your face and guided his hands to your cheeks, needing to show him just how comfortable you were with him in actions, not just words. Words could be dishonest. Actions were honest. 

His concern melted away as he began stroking your cheek with his thumb, smiling sweetly at you. 

Though you were both content, you'd never been quite this intimate before. So when his thumb swiped over the corner of your lips, your eyes both caught on each other. You could see him weighing up the outcomes in his head, going back and forth between pulling away and pushing in closer.

Slowly and softly, as though he were trying not to startle you, his head moved closer until his lips were on yours. 

It was a quiet kiss. You wouldn't describe it as fireworks, or butterflies, or anything loud and grand and passionate. It was quiet, and it was right. 

He pulled away seconds later, trying to gauge your reaction, but you followed him away and kissed him again. 

When you finally pulled away, it took you a few seconds to realise you'd climbed back into his lap, unconsciously having moved closer to him. You guiltily looked up, waiting to see any discomfort on his features, but to your surprise, he was busy straightening out your hair. 

“I love you, Spencer,” you whispered as he took care of you. He smiled, looking down at you once again, pulling his arms around you to gently lower both of you down to a laying position on your couch. 

“I love you, too,” he said as you held each other and drifted into contented sleep.

[dailyrothko]

Scans ( a little long)

When I ask people not to steal my scans I assure you it has nothing to do with my ego. I have relationships with a number of people that trust me to provide full credits and copyrights and supervise, as much as possible, how things are used. And it gets a little complex, like some people will give me a photo I can only use on instagram. I have to honor these agreements.

And, Rothko paintings are copyrighted so, unlike some artists, if you make tee shirts or use it in a movie or something , it's actually illegal (without permission) They are not going to come after you for casual use of you own, but I know of many examples where people were hit with a copyright notice for trying to profit in the work.

It took me a long time to build these relationships and get all of these scans, including many i have done myself. I gave myself this Rothko job I do, and because of that I didn't have background to give me things or answer questions. It was only after years of doing it that people started to reach out to me in a bigger way and help.

The art world is strange, I was talking to a museum curator recently and there several questions I had that I was told they were not at liberty to answer. In the case of Rothko, there's nothing really cloak and dagger about it, it's just the family (who I think are great) fought really hard for these rights and spend a lot of time trying to control how the work is used and seen. It's a good thing because we get things like the Paris exhibit which took an insane amount of planning, loans, insurance etc. All the paintings had to be inspected before they were shipped over seas, in case damage was done to them over there. These paintings are BIG and in the hands of many different people, so it really took tons of effort and (sadly) money to do it, but it's something like (can't recall exactly) 179 paintings. The biggest Rothko show since 1978.

People on tumblr do sometimes (as we all know) take stuff from here or from my other social media accounts and I know it's typical social media behavior, as people like the credit and notes to their own blog, but I mention this now because I have some things coming up that almost no one has ever seen and I don't want to lose this privilege because I won't be able to show you cool stuff and big scans.

So, sorry for the ponderousness, I just thought a little background might explain that I'm not just being grumpy about it. I think people may see it as "It's the internet get over yourself" but I honestly feel a responsibility to do the best I can for people following these accounts and I am just trying to keep doing it and hopefully, expand as I go.

This blog started on out tumblr and it was the support of all of you that made me continue it, I will be 10 years in July. I can't take a lot of credit for it, it's not my art. My only idea was the once a day aspect. However, I try to do my homework and striving for accuracy is part of that, including copyrights and credits.

So thanks for everything too, people participating in this has been very valuable and educational for me.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: july 2024

full disclosure: I started out July in a bit of a mental lurch, really feeling stuck in a rut. there are a lot of reasons for that, absolutely none of which need to be shared with the general populace of tumblr dot com, but suffice to say that I was feeling listless and reading was not a high priority. I was pretty content to accept that this was going to be another month where I didn't finish a lot of books. I was too busy for most of June, and now too unfocused and bummed out in July.

and then that ended up not being the case. I think I can chalk that up to three things:

very early in the month I realized that none of the reading I had been planning on getting to was grabbing my interest at all, so I did something drastically different: picked up a YA memoir that I bought at pride on the recommendation of a bookseller. not my usual kind of reading at all, but YA is very readable and memoirs grab me fast because I'm nosy, so I figured it might be great for getting out of a rut. and boy, was I right!

Akwaeke Emezi also has a new novel out, and if you don't know then please note now that I'm a person second and an Akwaeke Emezi fan first. their newest novel was a sinister joyride, non-stop twists and turns that I couldn't put down until I saw the characters through to their bitter ends.

and, of course, over in the Dungeon Meshi manga I got to Mithrun. I've only had Mithrun for a couple of chapters, but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this dungeon and then myself. even if I hadn't been able to read anything else, that would have kept me running back to the library for more Dungeon Meshi.

all of which added up to a fairly voracious appetite for books being reignited in my brain, and my second most book-heavy month of the year so far (still haven't beat May, but there's time). sick!

so - what have I been reading?

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 7-10 (Ryoko Kui, trans. Taylor Engel, 2019-2022) - mannnnn I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said elsewhere, but Dungeon Meshi is so. fucking good. the way that Kui starts to raise the stakes of the story and grow the world beyond the core band of adventurers is so conscientious and well-done, timed perfectly so it never feels like having an undercooked heap of fantasy exposition thrown at you all at once. instead everything proceeds at a perfect simmer, leaving me feeling like the frog in that pot of boiling water who didn't notice how dire things had gotten until it was very suddenly too late and I was screaming bloody murder at a book. things have gotten so dire that I'm yearning for the days when fighting a red dragon was our biggest problem - and yet, through it all, every character remains rendered with humanity and compassion, no matter how scary, dangerous, or outright alien they first appear. I'm not naming any spoilers, but I need [REDACTED] to fix shit ASAP in Vol. 11 and [SUPER REDACTED] is on my shitlist fucking forever. also Mithrun sweetie you're perfect, do as many crimes as you want.

Heart and Hand (Rebel Carter, 2019) - my romance novel of the month, as picked by my lovely patreonites! this self-published historical romance promised some messy f/m/m, following a biracial (half Black, half white) young lady, Julie Baptiste, as she responds to a marriage ad that takes her out west to the fictional town of Gold Sky, Montana. Julie's sort of a standard historical heroine - she doesn't care for the silliness of high society and vastly prefers the company of books, looking forward to becoming Gold Sky's schoolteacher - but her marriage has a twist: rather than marrying one man, she's agreed to marry two, a pair of friends who have been inseparable since they served together in the Civil War. this book is charming, for sure, but I can't help be more intrigued by what isn't there than what is, namely: are these men having sex with each other or not? Rebel? hey, Rebel? why is there no DP in this two husbands mail order bride book? that was, like, he bare minimum that I expected. for the love of god, why did those men never put both of their dicks inside Julie at the same time? why did we spend so much time on emotional conflict that could be easily resolved if anyone just talked to each other when Julie's two beautiful husbands could have been having sex in front of her? HELLO?

also, listen, this is such a nitpick, but I am FROM Montana and it feels personal: I know that the general poverty of frontier life isn't sexy, but god these people are WAY too well off. at one point Julie enjoys some fucking BANANAS, something that I goddamn assure you were not easy to come by in late 19th century Montana. a banana. as fucking if.

All Boys Aren't Blue (George M. Johnson, 2020) - as is proudly advertised on the back cover of my copy, in recent years All Boys Aren't Blue has been the second most-challenged book in America behind Maia Kobabe's Gender Queer. reading through All Boys Aren't Blue it was initially hard to see what exactly was so objectionable, until I realized that a queer Black person living their life with compassion and joy is the scariest thing some of these motherfuckers can possibly imagine. Johnson writes about their life growing up in the nexus of racism, homophobia, and masculinity with wisdom and endless compassion, directly addressing young people who may find themselves in similar positions to offer them assurance that they, too, can be okay. more than anything, All Boys Aren't Blue is a plea for young people to live their lives without fear and shame. it's a beautiful blessing of a book that I hope brings comfort to every innumerable kids who need it.

Little Rot (Akwaeke Emezi, 2024) - how do I even begin to describe Little Rot? definitely not for those who feel squeamish about sex crimes, I guess that's an important place to start. this novel starts with the breakup of a long-term Nigerian couple, Kalu and Aima, and follows both of them into a weekend that starts with drugs and sex parties and spirals increasingly out of control from there, drawing more and more characters into a complicated snarl of money and power. Little Rot has the seedy, lurid draw of an episode of SVU if SVU ever grew up and realized that cops don't do shit, reveling in the nastiest that Emezi's imagined city of New Lagos has to offer. cannot say this book is for everyone - few of Emezi's novels are - but god, it's a thrilling study in corruption.

The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader (editor Joan Nestle, 1992) - this is a massive and fascinating historical document, assembled by Nestle as part of her work with the Lesbian Herstory Archives. within this collection are letters, interviews, academic essays, poems, and transcribed oral histories from all manner of self-identified butch and femme lesbians. while some of the contributors are recognizable names in the history of American queer activism (including Pat Califa, who's a bisexual trans man now lmao), others are women who were just trying to live their lives with as much authenticity, comfort, and dignity as was possible in their time. (although, notably, the vast majority of these women are white, and all but a very few are Americans. racial and cultural diversity is not one of the collection's strong suits.)

the personal narratives span all over the twentieth century, and I was really delighted to see the very frank discussions of what would be written off as "bad representation" by a lot of queer resources today: butches overdosing on toxic masculinity and getting in messy bar brawls, femmes committing outlandish acts of adultery, lesbian sexual awakenings taking place between fairly young children, and one extremely memorable instance of a butch getting unexpectedly pregnant and decided to do a little sex work on the side since she couldn't get more pregnant than she already was. I was particularly fascinated by the many, many accounts of "second wave" self-identified lesbian feminists who tried to do away with butch/femme identities and "politically incorrect" expression of lesbian sexuality altogether (that's everything but mutual cunnilingus, btw) in pretty eerie echoes of contemporary radfem arguments. at close to 500 pages it's definitely better suited to skimming and stopping to read whatever catches your attention rather than trying to read cover to cover, but I think this is a really invaluable piece of history.

American Mermaid (Julia Langbien, 2023) - this was a novel, for sure. American Mermaid is a novel about a broke, anxious high school teacher named Penelope whose novel, also called American Mermaid, is a runaway success that gets optioned for film. Penelope quits her teaching job and moves across the country to Hollywood to work on the script with two dude bros who don't really Get what American Mermaid is about, and set to work turning Penelope's weird, unsexy female empowerment novel into an MCU-style action romp with a hot young lead. the novel's strongest when it's deep in the spirals of Penelope's frantic mind, probing the conflict between her fairly desperate need for cash (she wants to be financially independent of her conservative father, she has good reason to suspect breast cancer is in her future, she wants to start a family someday) and the artistic affront she feels at watching her story be disrespected and dismantled. where it's weaker is in the extensive chapters of the story-within-a-story; while useful for context, I straight up didn't need to read that much of Penelope's novel. and the plot overall kind of felt like it fell off the rails near the end once Langbien finishes making her point about how Hollywood sucks. it's not bad, but it's also just... fine. it's fine!

How to Taste: A Guide Discovering Flavor and Savoring Life (Mandy Naglich, 2023) - how do I put this so nicely? this book is for people who are kind of dork ass losers about food, a group that I do very much count myself as a part of. I first became acquainted with Naglich's work when she appeared on a podcast called the Sporkful, which claims that it is "not for foodies, it's for eaters." I'm a fairly devout listener, and after listening to Naglich describe her efforts to become a master cicerone (one of the world's most elite beer tasters, a distinction that is taken Very Fucking Seriously) I thought sure, whatever, that's a book I can get behind. Naglich is maybe a big more entertaining as a podcast guest than a nonfiction author. in places the book can be dry or roughly constructed in a way that suggests another pass by an editor or maybe a co-writer would have helped. and straight up, there are just weird fucking typos in this book that are like. crazy to me, I cannot believe they got through. the cheap-ass cover art also suggests this was not exactly a high budget production.

but having been very mean about it, there are a lot of extremely interesting tidbits about the world of professional tasting here! it sounds awful and you couldn't pay me to do it, but here's the cool thing: Naglich is extremely aware that what she does is insane and she knows that the average reader doesn't want to learn how to identify where a coffee bean was grown just by sniffing the bean from across a room. what she offers instead are really approachable ways to be more conscientious about how you interact with and appreciate food! and she also shares some really cool info about tasting snobbery that IS bullshit, to help you sort out the stuff that actually matters and emphasize that fun and personal taste ultimately trump any "rules." it's a very dorky book but I, personally, did have a good time.

Sex Criminals Vol 3: Three the Hard Way (Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky, 2016) - every time I read another volume of Sex Criminals I find myself thinking "man, hang on, do I ever actually like Sex Criminals? am I enjoying this?" but then I end up placing a hold on the next one. I don't know, it's charming! it's like so very VERY 2010s in its dialogue, by which I mean it's like. you know. it's giving Joss Whedon before we all found out how bad he sucked and collectively booed him. but man, I love a story that's down to get weird, and Sex Criminals is sooooo about being weird. and yet also very normal where sex is concerned! considering this is a series all about people having freaky world-altering powers that activate when they cum, sex is treated as an incredibly ordinary thing, warts and all. I like that! I like seeing that! idk, I don't need every comic to be perfect, as evidenced by the fact that I'm actively enjoying Azrael: Angel of the Bat. sometimes the vibes are just good.

[templetogavage]

Weekly Weighing (07/21/2024 to 07/27/2024)

Below are more than seven posts I enjoyed from gaining and encouraging Tumblr this week.

1. https://www.tumblr.com/whopper-t/756730410387505152

As always, we have to include a classic before and after. I love seeing a guy give up muscle gains for a gut, and @fitgainer certainly has.

2. https://www.tumblr.com/fatlardassboy/757147827261652992

@gordoguapoofficial will keeping making this roundup with posts like this. I've rewatched this one quite a few times this week.

3. https://www.tumblr.com/jack90265/756924780327927808

I can only fit one video into a text post, so I chose to grab a screenshot of this one- most of the appeal of watching @thiccgay in motion is represented by this still, in my opinion. Soft belly, played with, while chugging. This is the bread and butter of gainer content.

4. https://www.tumblr.com/zangtang/757057344001720320

Just look at the way @athlethick fills out this shirt. That is all.

5. https://www.tumblr.com/whopper-t/757106928113614848

Another before and after! @whopper-t shows off how much he's changed over 10 years, and he should be proud of what he's done. That boy turned into a man.

6. https://www.tumblr.com/gimmefictiontx/757094729711222784/would-love-to-see-you-and-another-gluttonous-hog

Sometimes the right clothing can accentuate every curve. @gimmefictiontx should wear exclusively this from now on, in my humble opinion.

7. https://www.tumblr.com/beefyrog/757106611555876864

@beefyrog takes a perfectly perfunctory belly pic and, through a combination of glasses, beard, hair, and the prop of a video game controller, manages to produce something I find incredibly hot. Well done, and definitely worth inclusion.

Bonus: @allfattenedup

This week, @allfattenedup had contending posts nearly every day of this week. He also launched an OnlyFans, as he's moving his content there going forward. I've been a fan for some time, but given both of those facts, I thought I'd give him his own, dedicated section here this week.

1. https://www.tumblr.com/allfattenedup/756653550606614528/do-guys-outside-de-gaining-community-still

A fun little anecdote about how much changes at the club when you get as fat as he has. I recommend reading it.

2. https://www.tumblr.com/allfattenedup/756744189769908224/hey-fatso-how-does-a-guy-who-used-to-be-vain-and

Anon was really having fun with this one! You see the rest of it and the response at the link.

3. https://www.tumblr.com/allfattenedup/756834717451632640

Apparently, in addition to the artistic video content, he's working on stories! Submit some prompts if you're interested.

4. https://www.tumblr.com/allfattenedup/756937472240451584

Here's his post from last week promoting his new OnlyFans. Check it out if you're interested in sampling some artfully-made gaining videos.

5. https://www.tumblr.com/allfattenedup/757015909493768192/you-undoubtedly-and-officially-have-a-fat-face

An anon ask about how it feels to have a double chin, and an honest answer- good fun.

6. https://www.tumblr.com/allfattenedup/757106563945316352/you-know-i-had-stumbled-across-a-gainer-years

I recommend clicking through to read this whole thing. Anon talks about being inspired to gain by @allfattenedup.

7. https://www.tumblr.com/allfattenedup/757208128014172160

Finally, let's close with a nice, lengthy bit of writing that describes how every moment walking around in a fat body can be enthralling for a gainer.

And that, finally, is this week's Weekly Weighing!

[genericpuff]

I feel mean criticizing an author's old work that they've deliberately buried, but sheesh the dialogue in Rachel's old stuff is really stilted. As awkward as LO's writing is, it honestly does show some improvement, so like...good for Rachel I guess?

I mean, it hasn't really improved though? Normally no, I wouldn't criticize someone's older work because by the virtue of something being old, it will naturally be improved upon and shouldn't be judged against what's created in the present (trust me, as someone with work from 10 years ago that hasn't aged well, I get it LOL).

But what's in the present... has all the same issues. I think it's easy to convince ourselves LO's writing is "better" because it relies on Greek myth to piece itself together, but when you aren't filling in the blanks for her based on assumptions made from the source material (which you shouldn't have to do) her writing in LO still doesn't have much to offer. Like, can we really call this an improvement?

If anything the writing in LO got even worse over time because it started to feel like ChatGPT was writing the dialogue and the narrative was crumbling under the weight of Rachel's lack of foresight / planning ahead.

I mean, just to get my point across, let me ask you one simple question: What is the actual theme of LO? What is the conclusion it comes to by its end to contribute to that theme?

This isn't me trying to minimize whatever improvements she may have made between the past and present, I just don't see those improvements, and there's a lot more to suggest that she was a lot more prolific 20 years ago as an artist than she is today. All of that stuff about Persephone / herself being a "workaholic" is based on stuff she went through 20 years ago that she doesn't even put on display now because it's all buried in deactivated Tumblrs and LiveJournals. But that's besides the point.

I think at best the "improvement" simply boils down to "at least she finished this one". But that's not necessarily a good thing because it's clear LO went on longer than it ever should have and that the only reason she even made it this far was because she was bound to a contract through WT. I guarantee you if it weren't for the success that WT's gave her through constantly advertising LO everywhere (and the fact that LO fit a very specific niche that was popular at the time) she would have ended LO ages ago, because just about every series she's done up until this point have been passing fancies that she's bounced between while still retaining a lot of the same tropes and crutches she always has.

LO is about a naive valley girl with mommy issues who goes to school to better herself. This is also the plot of The Doctor Foxglove Show. And while comics like Castle Castle, Woman King, and The Maiden don't involve school settings, they do still center around "girlboss" characters who hate their parents. LO isn't really an "improvement" among these tropes, just another rehashing that's hidden way better because 1.) she put it behind the veil of Greek myth and 2.) she's done everything in her power to hide the fact that she's been writing about the same pink-haired girls with mommy issues and trauma from evil men "except for that one guy who's perfect in every way" for 20+ years now.

And that issue of stilted dialogue goes way beyond even the comics. Read transcripts of her interviews or the Q&A from the end of the series that she did in her Discord and you'll see she has a really hard time finishing the thought she started on. I'm sure a lot of this can be chalked up to her ADHD / dyslexia, which is totally valid, but it just goes to show she hasn't done any work to actually improve her work in spite of her hindrances. She doesn't know how to separate Internet trolls from valid criticism and she seems to absorb any and all criticism as "proof" that she's better than everyone else, actually, and it's not her fault that other people are stupid and don't get her "vision". And I'm not pulling this assertion out of thin air, she's displayed this exact behavior before both within the LO fandom as well as her pre-existing fandoms around her other series.

Like, I can totally get the sentiment that "hate mail is a sign of success" and turning a negative into a positive, but there's a difference between deflecting hate mail from trolls and deflecting genuine criticism that's meant to identify your weaknesses and help you grow. That's what makes it all the more telling that she's built an audience around protecting and enabling her weaknesses rather than celebrating her strengths and empowering her to do better. She can't fall back on Webtoons as the only excuse for why the writing in LO is bad, her writing has always been like this and I feel like that's half the reason she's trying to hide it.

[al-the-remix]

I know nothing about 911 but seeing all the bucktommy posts makes me really interested, if you don’t mind could you give a short introduction of the ship/which episode(s) to watch for them? Thanks!!

Hi! So the ship is a very new one and they don't have a lot of screen time yet, so their relationship only appears in season seven, episodes: 7x3 to 7x6 and then 7x9 and 7x10. Tommy Kinard as a side character also shows up in episodes 2x9, 2x12, 2x14 (in an off-screen capacity) and 2x16.

As for the introduction, the lore with this show runs sort of deep, but as condensed and simplified as I can give it to you: the decision to introduce bi!Buck and Tommy and his love interest was made very last minute (like as the first few episodes of season seven were coming out kind of last minute...) as the tv show switched networks from FOX to ABC and was working with a protracted season, (10 episodes in stead of 18), so this first season you see them together in has a very "let's see how well this works and if the general audience approves of it" kind of vibe.

Obviously, it worked for me! And the general reception has been good. Personally, I find their dynamic fun and genuine; the show runner was aiming for a non-heavy coming out story with a romcom twist, which I think they succeeded at. Buck (or "Evan" as Tommy calls him) is sort of the obvious favourite of the show in the audience and the writer's eyes, he's gotten a lot of development over the years, but has stagnanted recently on the romance side of things and also in his professional development, (which is partly the fault of the writers and partly just bad luck with maintaining actors). So I think a lot of fans are excited to see him "off the hamster wheel", as they say, in the love department. This opens up the possibility to explore other plot lines with him as a character in his professional life and personal life now that hes in a steady relationship.

Tommy we don't know much about yet, other than he was deeply in the closet when we first see him in the season 2 flash-back episodes. He's not initially a very warm, welcoming, and accepting person, but it's implied that a lot of that behavior was influenced by his environment and poor upbringing, and he is quick to make amends and befriend the main characters when he's shown to be in the wrong. He used to be in the army, and is a fan of cars, martial arts, and rom coms. The way he talks in the season seven episodes makes it clear that he's done a lot of self reflection since we've last seen him (and since he's come out). He's shown to be an open and honest person who does his best to show up for the people he cares for, and once Buck is in his line of sight, all that attention is turned his way.

I think with this ship what people are most excited about is the potential it demonstrates: Buck as a character is someone who's been on an aggressive misson of self discovery and understanding, he's been actively looking for a romantic partner to have a committed, mature relationship with, he's someone who's willing to give a lot of himself away to his partner and is desperately hoping to have that attention and affection mirrored back at him.

What little we know about Tommy so far makes it clear that he's mature and willing enough to be that person for Buck: if it works out and the writers allow him to be. I just really enjoy what little I've seen so far, and with the show being back to its regular 18 episodes next season and Tommy pretty much confirmed to return, I'm interested and invested and hopefully in where they may take this relationship next.

Also I feel like I need to add if you're going to engage with the fandom specifically for this ship, do it through the #bucktommy tag on tumblr, because it's a real mine field out there right now, lol.

[olivianyx]

I didn't knew u were a respawner! That's so cool, I've been on my respawn journey for like 1-2 months, I hope this is okay to ask but how is your respawning routine? Currently I am taking a break but I would love to hear abt your respawning journey so far :>

Heyy! I'm glad I find many people who are into respawning! Actually mine's a long ass story and you might wonder how am I even doing fine to this day 😭

Okay so long story short, let's begin.

Back in 2022, I discovered shifting. After finding out about loa in 2021, I was anticipated to shift realities just to escape this one. I hated being here. I was suffering with depression, bi polar, avpd, anxiety and maladaptive daydreaming, and I was from a toxic household with narcissistic, toxic and strict parents and fake af friends. It was really hard for me to even open up to somebody. It was hard for me to handle (actually I'm tearing up rn while I type this... Especially those traumas are the worst thing I ever experienced)

When I started my research about shifting, I got into amino. I saw the word 'respawn' and I was like tf is this?? I thought it was some gaming shit and then when I researched it on amino, I really wanted to go away from here and be happier than ever. I wanted to be in peace and do whatever I want in my reality. And no one should judge or stop me from getting what I want. I quickly scripted the place I wanna respawn, and other stuffs. I decided that I will get tf outta here.

Well because I had a reason that I'll respawn, I completely ignored my 3D circumstances. Like I stopped taking care of myself, stopped talking to people around me, stopped studying, stopped doing everything. I just was desperately trying to respawn every night telling myself that I will.

When in fact I was wasting my time and energy into lack. I almost didn't study for my finals and wrote the exams and hope that I'd respawn before my results will be declared. I used to keep time crunches to respawn, and when I didn't, I used to get so depressed, that I attempted to take my own life for the first time ever back in may 2022.

My brother accidentally entered my room and saved me from doing that. When I say I've almost attempted to take my own life for like 10+ times that same year, I still didn't give up. My exam results came and I luckily passed my exams.

So after all these I decided to give a break for 3 months completely for my own mental health. Ik my journey for 2 years wasn't smooth, it was full of ups and downs, and it messed my mental health up. I wasn't even using loassumption in a proper manner at that time. Ngl, I was so damn desperate for manifesting even the smallest stuff (I just wanna time travel back in time and slap the shit outta that version of me that I was back then 💀)

So when I got into a medical university in 2023 January, I completely forgot about respawning for a while. And again in October 2023, I logged into Tumblr, and became friends with one of the respawner Julie. She was so sweet, that she even answered every stupid doubts of mine (God give me Julie's patience 🗣️🗣️) she had respawned back in October 2023.

She was the one who told me 'SELF CONCEPT IS THE KEY!' so I started working on my self concept for like 1 and a half-ish months.... Well, I wasn't even perfect with it, but I tried. I did many challenges but the meraskii one had a good effect on my mindset. So last Christmas, I even learnt about the void (I hate implying it as void, I'd rather say it as I AM state) I wanted to enter it so bad.

I just did my affs, persisted in it, and listened to subs, and on Christmas Eve, I got into it successfully.

This year, I find respawning a very relaxing topic. Like I don't even get bothered by it. I know I'm already where I wanna be. And don't worry, my mental health has been good for a few days now. I was thinking of changing my script, so for the past 2 months, I've been scripting my new reality, well still it's only half way done hehe.

By the end of this month, I'm planning on respawning through the void. So till then I just wanna be thankful for everything here and enjoy every moment here without regrets.

Everybody's journey is different. All you have to do is embody your desired state. You just have to be the version of you having your desires. Be the one who already has it. For me, that took 3 years to click. I just had to relax and give myself in. Let go and enjoy the fact that I already have my desires in the 4d.

Ig this helped... any further doubts, you can ask me! Lots of luv 🤍🤍🤍🤍

- olivia 🤍

[ominous-feychild]

✦ Writer Questionnaire 2 ✦

Thanks for the tag, @the-golden-comet! (And @the-letterbox-archives tagging me when I was almost done here, haha)

Heads-up! Long post!

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr? A fast and loose estimate is fine!

Two months ago to the date actually??? Or, at least, that's when I first uploaded a story here. My first actual Writeblr post was me hopping in on an open tag on the 6th of June, haha. I thought it was just a month, but looks like the summer's gone by in a flash! 😭

What led you to create it?

So, I'm a writer on Tapas! I'd been attempting to social network on other social medias (twitter and bluesky) but wasn't getting anywhere, didn't like the general formats, and uh... I'm sure I don't have to explain why I don't want to touch Twitter with a 10-foot-pole anymore. Let's just say, if you haven't seen, it's just as bad as (if not worse than) everyone says. Anyhow, I'd seen lots of Tumblr short stories on other platforms and started investigating what it's like here. Didn't know what "Writeblr" was or that it even existed, but eventually stumbled into the field after posting my short story. Thanks, @darkandstormydolls! ❤️

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

How supportive everyone is??? Like omg you guys are so sweet, idk how to take it. Also I love seeing how much passion everyone else has for their writing, haha.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

Uhhhh, I think I'm pretty open about the things I'd like people to know about me, haha. I never mean to offend, so if I accidentally say something wrong, please tell me! I'm autistic and very dumb.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

I'm ngl I keep meaning to build out my followed tags for my fandoms, haha. The only fandoms I really see things for are TMAGP (10/10, TMA is my obsession. I am obsessed. It is one of my Special Interests and I love it with all my heart) and House of the Dragon??? Except I'm not even a fan of HotD??? So that's kinda annoying, haha. (Aka, my fandom stuff, but that's on me.)

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

Rising From the Ashes, tragically. (Because it's one of the LAST things I should be working on right now, haha.) Otherwise, I'm of course always obsessed with the Arcane Rifts. Then I force myself to be obsessed with Sun and Shadow, though it's slowly growing on me, haha.

How long have you been working on them?

Haha, so I've historically jumped around a lot in working on different things, so these are approximate guesstimations!

Rising From the Ashes has likely had 3 or 4 years put into it/the characters. If you include the Calamity Crew (which overlaps with it in the timeline and originally ended up merging with the cast of RFtA), I'd say definitely 4 years!

The Arcane Rifts has had 5 years put into it.

Sun and Shadow is very new; I'd say it probably only has about 4 months of work in it? It's part of why I'm less interested in it, haha. Less I've put into it and less I'm attached to.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

Oh... oh dear. How could you ask me this??? 😭😭😭

Rising From the Ashes has existed since, I think, 2016. It started (tragically) as an RP starter on Google+. I wish I was kidding.

To those unaware of how it worked in that space (and likely similar ones to this day), you'd post a starter and people would join in with their own characters. 99% of the time, they'd drop out before long. However, I'd work out details of the characters in the process and carry that info over into the worldbuilding. I eventually stopped RPing with the masses and settled down with a single "partner" who I'll call Kris.

She's the one who stole my docs.

The Arcane Rifts technically originated as another RP starter? It never got attention, though, and instead my ideas for it simply carried over into the worldbuilding in general.

One of the characters of the original starter was important in the worldbuilding. It was not a character you see in the early books of tAR, though, so don't bother trying to figure it out. But, since he was so important, his origins were also important.

The Arcane Rifts started in 2019, as I wanted to make a story building out said character's origins. It was originally going to be a duology, the first book being Gene's backstory and the second being how Gene and The Other Guy's lives intertwined. (No, they were not gay for each other! 😂) It's since changed a lot, and focuses basically exclusively on Gene, haha. The last book in the series will probably be focused on the other character, though!

Sun and Shadow started for a romance novel competition on Tapas which has since ended. I didn't get to finish it in time for a lot of reasons, but I primarily cite stress and exhaustion from working full time at a physically-intensive job. It grew shockingly quickly and I had some fans donate to me related to it, so I'm kinda forced to work on it, haha. Dw--I like it! It's just harder to work on for a number of reasons, haha.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

Tragic, the questions you're asking me--

It depends, haha. I'm autistic and hyperfixate a lot. Also, for one, that's a suuuuuper vague question??? Like what do you mean "how much time"--how much time within the day? How often in general? Idk, man, haha.

I think about the Arcane Rifts a LOT!

I've put an incredible amount of time and effort into it, and I'm in love with 90% of the characters there. Even the background characters have had a lot of work put into them, getting relatively fleshed-out backstories to make their motives understandable (even if not agreeable!), and I love them all so much, haha.

Except Katerina. She's a bitch.

I also think about Rising From the Ashes a good amount, and it's invaded my brain again lately, haha.

I took a step away from RFtA and basically all of my other stories late 2021 when Kris (my ex-writing partner) and I had a falling out. It was incredibly difficult for me emotionally to look at anything I worked with her on, and obviously RFtA was a huge one (actually, tAR was the only thing of my early works she had nothing to do with). Since early this year, I've finally been able to work on it again and it's been incredibly fun removing her stuff, actually!

I think all that is a good part of why I keep randomly getting obsessed with it again, haha. It's like looking at old friends (the characters, not Kris) and being all "omg??? I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER??? PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN UP TO!!!" except it's removing Kris's stuff, haha.

I think about Sun and Shadow a lot more than you might expect with how much I talk about not preferring it, haha. I love the characters! Crow and, actually, Valyarus especially. They're both super interesting characters, and I'll randomly find my brain working out scenes between characters interacting with them.

(The problem with SaS is that, as a book, it's incredibly different from my usual works. It's a small cast of Frey/Crow and technically Daleira, while most of my stories focus on larger casts. It makes for a VERY different experience, and so it's a lot harder to work on)

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

Actually, I've got a ready answer for this one! Until SaS, I was dedicating my time to the Arcane Rifts and had prepared the answer:

Percy Jackson meets Lord of the Rings in a steampunk fantasy world full of ✨mysteries waiting to be uncovered✨

(I'd say the "mysteries waiting to be uncovered" part ironically/accidentally mockingly most of the time, whoops, haha. I always feel awkward advertising my works.)

It was awkward when people would get actually interested in it from there and ask more questions, haha.

To clarify: that's my tagline for the Arcane Rifts! The story has gods and demigods messing with mortals, using them as their playthings and being REALLY immature babies because they don't really face consequences for their actions like PJ. Then, it's a lot more "grounded yet fantastical" like LotR, where magic is kinda infused with reality and yet you still have issues like starving to death and whatnot.

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created.  Side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, the first original abomination you ever pulled from your ass; whomever you’d like!

UHHHH THERE'S A LOT TO LIST???

Try this for a taste! These are just the guys I've gotten colors for!

Freya, Crow, Daleira, Valyarus, Grimnir, Soren, Gene, Tazin, Mislav, Adilzhan, Ludmila, Rada, Caspar, Nikolai, Gennadi, Oska, Rieka, Liesel, Carmin, Nora, Sammy, Kieva, Caron, Varik, Elazi, Riaan, Roman, and Tiberius! (Though Tib is getting a name change sooner or later)

Who’s the most unhinged?

Unhinged in which way? There's a lot of options there, haha.

I'm going to give honorary mentions to Valyarus, Gene in the later books, Tazin, Rieka, Gennadi, and Tiberius ! (Why does it not surprise me that most unhinged characters are from tAR? 🤣 Also I swear it's a coincidence most of the unhinged characters are red.)

(... Probably.)

In general, I'd say that, incredibly ironically, the Existence of Order is the most unhinged of all my characters. She's just incredible at hiding it.

(Tbf half of the Existentials probably belong on the "unhinged" list anyway but eh. They still don't compare to Order!)

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

I'm going to give this as a tie between Gene and Sammy!

Gene has my 'tisms and just about all of my trauma, so we have a lot in common, whoops, haha. Also there's a... very specific detail about his character that makes him easier to write in general. It's just a major spoiler. 👀

Similarly and actually identically to Gene in some ways, while Sammy has a lot in common with me, he's also incredibly perceptive! (Although we don't share that fact.)

Due to the way I write, their analytical natures allow for them to spit straight facts about the worldbuilding and the people around them rather than beating around the bush, haha. Both are highly investigative, try to learn and understand everything around them, and notice small details other characters wouldn't! It makes it much easier for me to write, because uh... well here's an example of what my outlines look like.

Long story short: I include a lot of detail which I then transfer into the POV's character narration, cutting out details which they wouldn't notice or think about, haha. In Sammy's case (which that scene has Sammy as the narrator/POV character), very little information gets cut out because he's so perceptive!

(Here, as a treat--have another example!)

(In this scene, Nikolai is the narrator. Even the outline gets "filtered" to mirror the characters' way of thinking--like it's Nikolai himself seeing Caspar as "doll-like". The crossed-out stuff is details I most likely won't mention, but noted for myself, haha. I do the same thing if/when including details about the motives and thoughts of non-narrator characters.)

Do you ever cringe at them?

Gene and Sammy?

A B S O L U T E L Y .

Gene is a wreck in basically every way and desperately needs help (that he won't get until he meets Dimitry). As much as I love him, there's a lot of moments where you just can't help but wince and be all "shit, did you REALLY have to do/say that?"

Sammy on the other hand? He's a terrified, control freak manipulator who panics the moment he feels like he's losing control of a situation. It can be painful to watch, even if simultaneously fascinating.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?  AKA, do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? To what degree? Are some less cooperative than others?

I explicitly go out of my way to add backstory to and develop each and every one of my characters until they "write themselves", haha.

I want my characters to feel like real people, so I do my absolute best to make them as real as possible. (That's part of why tAR is so massive...)

Special shoutout to Dimitry here, btw. Dude COMPLETELY screwed over the planned and intended from the earliest days path of the Arcane Rifts. I've mentioned before that Gene is villain-coded, yeah? Want to know why?

Because he was MEANT to be one! Then Dimitry had to come along, be the sweetest, nicest fucking person around to Gene while he was going through the worst part of his life, and keep Gene from slipping off the deep end!

MITRY, YOU PIECE OF--

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? And do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? For example, as Asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on AO3, etc.

I absolutely love, love, love!!! people asking questions about my characters!!! 🥰

I would absolutely prefer them as Asks sent to me, and especially would prefer if separate subjects/questions were sent in separate Asks! Like, say you were going to ask me about Gene and Dimitry. I'd rather two separate Asks, one asking for whatever you wanted to know about Gene and another for whatever you wanted to know about Dimitry, haha. However, if you wanted to ask a single question about both, that obviously is fine as a single Ask!

On writeblr engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account? Do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? Do you follow based on WIPs, or vibes?

I definitely scope out before I follow, yes.

I choose based primarily on the personality of the person behind the blog, but the WIPs/vibes can also have an influence on my decision, haha. I'd rather follow people with kind/supportive personalities, and I'll eventually start liking their stories even if they're not initially my thing!

What makes you decide against following?

Bigotry. Moment I see it, I'm on the lookout for even the slightest hint of more and, if I see it, I'm OUT!

(That includes things like: homophobia, transphobia, TERFs, ableism, racism, xenophobia, etc.)

Also, while I include angst in my stories, the people who are big on "I have nothing but bad stuff in my writing and I'm proud" are, uh... not on my "follow" list. While they can write what they want and enjoy it, grimdark is not my thing. Angst is best in moderation and I very purposely control the amount of it in my life.

(Also Kris's--my ex writing partner's--obsession with "grimdark-ness" is a good part of why I'm so ecstatic to remove her stuff from my writing. Yes, I've tried it. For years. I hated it. Please and thank you. Also note that I proudly call myself an evil writer, so it's not like I don't love angst, it's just--moderation. Seriously.)

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

Yes! I think a good 50-30% of my interactions are with non-moots, haha. I go out of my way to try to support my moots, but I'll definitely share support with anything that catches my attention, no matter who it's from!

To be fair, though, I think a majority of non-moots I interact with are on my mental "probably going to follow soon" list. I can be slow to make decisions, haha. It doesn't help that I try being active with my moots, so I'm trying to avoid growing that list too quickly!

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

Haha, depends what you mean by that? My brain is definitely too full of my own characters to have any space for anyone else's, but I definitely do think of others' characters at times! There's plenty of y'alls characters I really like, haha.

Just... omg, my hyperfixated AuDHD brain refuses to focus on anything except for the Hyperfixation of the Moment™.

This was a huge one! Hopefully I'm not screaming into the void with this one, or you guys enjoy finding out more about me and my WIPs.

If you're curious about the reason this is labeled Writer Questionnaire 2... well guess what!

Tagging (gently! This is a lot, haha): @honeybewrites @yourpenpaldee @paeliae-occasionally @mysticstarlightduck @illarian-rambling @.darkandstormydolls (tagged you earlier in the post haha) + open tags!

Divider from @cafekitsune!

[griffin-girl-r]

Monster (Part 1)

Created: 07.11.2023

Finished: 03.01.2023

Edited: 09.02.2024

Age: 10

Word count: 4,667

Warnings: Cussing, Guns, Blood, Death, Kidnapping, Violence, Lies

Anymore let me know

Request: Yes (Wattpad user + Tumblr user)

Sequel to: The legacy

AU: Mafia

—

The sunlight filtered through the lavish villa with its floor-to-ceiling windows and plush purple curtains, that were a constant reminder of Natasha's mysterious personality.

Natasha had started her day normally, with her morning workout and signing a few pepers that would set in motion a string of actions meant to grow her empire.

Nothing was predicting what was about to happen that very same day.

—

The invincible head of one of the most powerful mobs to have ever existed slowly, deliberately made her way up the stairs as sunlight filtered through the curtains and a gentle breeze rustled them.

Natasha's destination?

Her 10-year-old daughter's room.

She was about to wake her precious Y/N from her peaceful slumber so they could have breakfast together.

Y/N, who Natasha had protected from the darkness of her mother's world, knew that her mama was the leader of a group as everyone always looked at Natasha for orders, but she had no idea what exactly was Natasha doing for a living.

You thought she just ran many businesses, as Natasha took care to preserve your inocence and leave aside that running those businesses meant hurting people.

As she reached your bed, Natasha took a moment to admire your inocent and beautiful face, a smile only reserved for you appearing on her face.

She had honestly no idea what she had done to deserve such a beautiful and pure soul she could call her own.

Sometimes she wonders from where you inhired so much kindness.

Maybe from your father?

'Could be.' The older readhead thought

Natasha, dressed elegantly in a tailored black suit that she loved, bended down to shake her sleeping daughter awake, whispering softly, "Y/N, it's time to wake up, my darling."

Natasha didn't want to rush you.

She wanted to allow you to wake up to the world in your own time so you could be in a good mood to greet the day.

You started rubbing your eyes, letting out a yawn in the process, "Morning, Mama." You sweetly greeted your mother, only making her smile grow wider "What time is it?"

"It's ten o'clock, sweetheart. Time for us to start the day." Natasha replied, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear as you stretched your arms

You glanced at the clock on your nightstand and, to your surprise, you notoced that Natasha had let you slept in late this morning.

"Wow, I slept in!" You looked from the clock to Natasha, shocked

"It's Sunday today, my princess." Natasha smiled, gently tracing your nose with her finger

"What's for breakfast?" You questioned as your stomach let out a loud growl

Natasha chuckled as she gathered you in her arms, tightly hugging you as she burried her nose in your hair.

Natasha didn't answer before taking your hand in hers and leading you to the dining area.

There, a table was spread with an impressive display of freshly baked croissants, blueberry pancakes, and tropical fruits.

"You're in luck, my love. Today, we have your favorite breakfast." Natasha said when she heard you gasp, smiling warmly as she helped you seat at the table

You both sat down to enjoy the delicious feast, engaging in lighthearted conversation, Natasha making sure to give you her full and undevided attention.

But there was one question that has been on your mind, that, in between bites, you found the courage to finally voice out.

"Mama, I've been wondering..." You hesitated, avoiding Natasha's gaze, unsure of her reaction "What exactly do you do for work?"

Natasha's smiling expression faltered slightly, but she quickly regained composure, not wanting to betray her façade.

"As you know, sweetheart," Natasha began, trying to keep a smile on her face for you "I manage a lot of things. But mainly, I help people. I ensure that they stay safe and secure."

That piqued your curiosity, making you want to know even more detailes about your mother's secret profession.

"But do they know about what you do?" You eagerly questioned, the breakfast long forgotten "How do you keep them safe?"

Natasha's eyes meet yours, a mixture of love and concealed secrets shimmering within them, struggling to find the right words to explain.

"Some people may not fully understand the lengths I go to protect them, Y/N." Natasha carefully chose her words "That's why I keep my work separate from our personal lives."

For a moment, Y/N pondered her mother's words. Then, her young innocence surfaced.

"Mama, can I come to work with you sometime?" You asked hopefully "I promise I'll be good."

Natasha's expression softened, and she chuckled lightly, suppressing a faint sadness.

"Maybe, when you're a little older, my darling." She softly said "For now, your place is here, being a child."

You nodded, a tinge of disappointment flickering across your face as you took a last sip of your orange juice, your eyes lingering on Natasha's figure as she got up, preparing to leave for work.

"Okay, Mama. I'll be waiting for you here when you get back." You said sadly "Then we can build the new Harry Potter Lego set uncle Bucky got me yesterday because I won't start it without you."

Natasha leaned down, planting a tender kiss on her baby's forehead. Her voice is filled with a mother's love.

"I'll be back before you know it." She smiled "I love you, Y/N/N."

As Y/N watched her mother walk towards the grand entrance, her heart felt heavy with a mixture of pride and longing.

"I love you too, Mom. Stay safe." You whispered to yourself when Natasha was out of hearing's reach

As the heavy door closed behind Natasha, Y/N was left alone in their opulent villa, a silent witness to a secret world she still yearned to explore.

She knew that someday, she would uncover the truth and join her mother in the world she had only glimpsed from a distance.

But for now, she must wait patiently, feeling a mixture of excitement and trepidation for the day she too would step into the shadows and play her part in keeping the world safe.

But who said that day couldn't be today?

—

Natasha stood in the dimly lit room of an abandoned building, fear and tension hanging heavily in the air caused by her sharp and deadly presence as she stood over a HYDRA member.

The man, who was a member of Natasha's biggest rival mob, looked to be in his midforties, as he stood desperate and defiant, trembling while tied by Natasha's men to a chair.

Although bloodied and bruised by Natasha's torture, he kept refusing to reveal the informations she was was seeking.

Through gritted teeth, the HYDRA member, fueled by his determination, challenged Natasha's ability to extract their secrets.

"You think I'll give up our secrets that easily?" He chuckled mockingly "You're gravely mistaken, Natasha!" The man declared

Natasha smirked, a hint of amusement mingling with the darkness in her intentions.

She took a step closer, circling him like a predator stalking its prey. Her piercing gaze bores into him, determination etched on her face.

"Oh, sweetie, I never expected it to be easy," She replied confidently "But trust me, people like you always break. It's just a matter of time."

The woman's attention drifted to the HYDRA member's clenched fists, trembling with both pain and defiance. Impatience flickering within her as she narrowed her eyes.

"You see, I've got a timeline to keep. And I won't waste it dancing around your games." Natasha says, her back turned to him

"Why?" The man laughed "You have a child waiting for you at home?"

Natasha tried to stay calm.

She couldn't allow the member to manipulate her judgment by using her sweet daughter against her.

Casually, the red-headed woman pulled out a sleek, silver pistol from her belt.

The cold metal gleaming in the dimness of the building's lights.

"One last chance, my friend," Natasha warned, her voice laced with an eerie calmness but her friendly demeanor was gone "Tell me what I need to know, or I'll have to find another way to encourage your cooperation."

Smirking defiantly, the HYDRA member responded "You think a bullet from that gun is going to make me betray my comrades? You're delusional, Natalia."

Natasha's calmness faded, replaced by a cold determination that instilled fear even in the bravest souls.

Without a moment's hesitation, she swiftly turned around, raising her pistol, and aiming it at the HYDRA member's forehead.

"I was hoping you'd choose the easy way out..." The boss murmurs, slightly disappointed

A single gunshot reverberates through the room, the sound of finality.

The HYDRA member's lifeless body slumped forward, blood pooling onto the cold concrete floor.

"Was it really necessary to kill him, Natasha?" Clint, Natasha's best friend who was present in the room, questioned

"I agree with birdhead." Maria said

"I wouldn't question Natasha's decisions if I were you." Steve turned to his two friends

"I agree." Bucky, the last person present in the room, nodded while checking the sharpness of his knife's blade

Natasha remained silent, her eyes glued to the blood that was expanding at her feet.

And just as the silence threatened to envelop the room again, a soft whimper broke through.

Natasha's eyes widened with surprise "We're not alone." She warned

The lifeless body of the HYDRA member lay forgotten, a casualty of Natasha's relentless pursuit of power, as the group quickly took a fighting stance, weapons being pulled out, ready to protect their leader and friend.

Natasha turned towards the spot from where the sound was heard and saw a slightly ajar locker.

She slowly started walking towards it, ready to face whatever was hiding inside.

—

Natasha tightened her grip on the gun in her hand, her hands steady and ready to shoot at any moment if needed.

Her steps echoed throughout the empty room as her heels made contact with the cold floor.

Trailing behind her were Bucky, Steve, Clint, and Maria, all prepared to fight at a moment's notice.

The boss' steps where mesured, each one meticulously calculated, as the air around them grew heavy with anxiety.

Slowly, Natasha reached out towards the locker door, and with one swift move, she slammed it open, pointing her gun at whatever lay behind it.

Silence enveloped the room once more before a loud gasp escaped the read headed woman's lips.

"Y/N?!" Natasha shouted, her voice unintentionally coming out too high-pitched

You flinched at the sound as your trembling body began to shake even more violently.

Natasha was shocked. Of all things, she never expected to find her precious daughter hidden in that damned locker.

"Baby?" Natasha breathed out, quickly putting away the gun she had aimed at your head "How did you get here?"

Natasha tried to place her hand on your shoulder.

"Get away from me!" You cried out, quickly moving away from Natasha

You crawled out of the locker in a second as you took a few steps backwards, trying to get as far away as possible from your mother and the rest of your family.

"Sweetheart?" Natasha called out "How did you get here?"

Natasha was confused, to say the least.

She couldn't understand how the fuck were you able to get all the way here.

How did no one see that you had followed them?

"Don't touch me!" You yelled when Natasha tried to touch you again

Tears were already streaming down your face and, as you looked at your mother with your teary eyes, you couldn't recognize the woman who stood before you anymore.

"You're a monster!" You cried out in pain "Monster!"

Taking a big step forward, you tried to push Natasha backwards with all your might, but compared to the strenght of your mother, your effort was almost non existent.

Natasha took half a step back to give you the impression that you had managed to push her, but otherwise, she didn't budge.

"Baby, Y/N, how are you here?" The older redhead asked again, confusion evident in her voice as she tried to maintain her calm "What have you seen?"

"You killed him!" You pointed to the corpse of the enemy, now laying in a pool of blood

You were now old enough to know what a criminal is, and you are now more than certain that your mama was one as well.

"How could you do this?!" You shouted

"Honey, this is not what it seems." The boss tried to save what was left of your innocence "We were just playing." She explained "You know that Mama's job is to protect people."

"Y/N/N!" Your godmother, Maria, called "Let's go home, kid. Your Mama will explain everything when we've all calmed down a little."

"I don't want to go home!" You shouted in Maria's direction, though your tear-blurred vision made it difficult to see her clearly

Bucky, thinking it would be a good moment to step in, kneeled beside you.

"Princess, I think you should let us explain ourselves first." He began "And we can have ice cream while we all talk."

"No, James!" You shouted, moving away from Bucky's touch as he placed his hand on your shoulder

Everyone froze.

You had never called Bucky by his real name.

He was mostly 'Uncle Bucky' , 'Bucks' , or just 'Bucky'.

Only Natasha called the man by his birth name.

"Oh, come on, doll," Bucky said, overcoming his shock and masking it with a cheerful tone. "Don't be so serious. Only your mother can scare me like you did. When she's angry, she shouts my name like that."

You looked again to the dead body, only to find it already gone and your Uncle Steve nowhere in sight.

You knew he was the only one fast enough to get rid of it.

"Listen to us, Y/N." Clint also spoke for the first time "You know you're my favorite niece."

"I'm your only niece." You sniffed, seemingly more calm, and everyone tought that maybe they had the situation under control

But their hopes were soon dashed as you bolted past everyone and ran towards the first door you saw.

"Y/N!" Natasha's eyes went wide, and she quickly darted after you

Bucky and Steve, who had just returned to the room, followed closely behind the two redheaded Romanoff girls.

They should have known that you were tricking them.

After all, you are your mother's daughter.

Just as Natasha was about to catch up with you, you proved yourself sneakier than they had anticipated, taking a right turn and disappearing from their sight.

The adults followed, finding themselves on a back street behind the building they had been in.

"Where is she?" Steve asked, confused, looking around for any sign of you

"Y/N!" Natasha breathlessly shouted "Baby, where are you?!"

"Y/N!" Steve shouted

"Y/N!" Bucky yelled, starting to look around for any trace of you "Doll, stop playing and come out from wherever you're hiding. This isn't funny!"

"Sweetie!" Natasha called out, sniffing, as realization of what happened settled in "Mama's sorry, honey. Please come here."

"Natasha..." Bucky turned around to look at his boss before he was interrupted

"Nat!" Steve shouted, chatching Natasha and Bucky's attention as they snapped their heads in the direction of his voice

Steve bent down and picked up something from the ground.

"I think I know where Y/N is." The blond man said, looking in disbelief at his friends

Natasha felt as if her heart was about to jump out of her chest as Bucky raised his metal arm and placed it on her back, bracing himself for whatever was about to come.

Steve held up the object in his hand and showed it to them.

Natasha's breath caught in her throat as she took in the sight before her.

HYDRA's symbol proudly shone in the sunlight, confirming her worst fear.

The boss was smart enough to understand what the presence of that badge with the symbol of her greatest enemy meant.

HYDRA had kidnaped her precious baby girl.

She didn't know how it could be possible, given the fact that they were only two seconds behind you but no matter how this happened, the mother was determinated to get her baby back.

"What are we going to do now?" Bucky breathed out

—

Natasha was tirelessly pacing back and forth on the long red carpet in her office; her angered voice was the only sound that broke the otherwise silent room.

"How could this happen?!" Natasha shouted as she stopped in front of Bucky Barnes and Maria Hill. "How could a little girl get past my supposed impenetrable security?! How did none of you notice Y/N sneak inside the car?!"

Maria and Bucky exchanged a quick, side-eyed look before both of their heads hung low.

It was as if the wooden floor of Natasha's office had become interesting all of a sudden.

"Talk!" Natasha shouted when the people in front of her hesitated to answer.

"We..." Maria, the person who was in charge of Natasha's security and the training of her men, began. "We have no idea how the men failed to notice-"

"I haven't asked about the men!" Natasha cut Maria's sentence off. "I asked how you haven't noticed Y/N getting inside the car. You and Bucky, Maria," Natasha clarified.

"It was a terrible error, Nat." Bucky was the one to speak now. "I guarantee you that, from now on, we will be more vigilant and we'll double the security guards to prevent this from happening again. We can-"

Bucky's sentence, as well as Maria's, was cut short when Natasha forcefully grabbed Bucky by his shirt and pulled him closer to her, despite the obvious height difference between them.

"You had one job, James." Natasha breathed out through gritted teeth, her eyes burning with a mix of anger and disappointment. "You had to make sure that, no matter what happens, Y/N will not leave this house without my knowledge and consent, and only after that, follow me."

Bucky's shoulders fell as he once again lowered his head, guilt seeping inside his heart.

"I'm sorry..." The man with a metal arm whispered guiltily.

"I want to hear none of this." Natasha shook her head, her tone seemingly calmer. "Yes, Maria had to transform this house into a fortress impossible to penetrate, but you, James, you had the greatest responsibility of them all." The redhead tried to look into the man's eyes. "You had to be the personal bodyguard of our daughter, James, ensure her safety above anything else, and you failed. You promised to keep her safe, and look where we are now. HYDRA has our precious little girl, and we have no information about her state or about, who knows what, they might have done to her. You failed Y/N." Tears glistened in the mother's eyes. "You failed me."

Bucky dryly swallowed the lump in his throat; the burden on his shoulders never felt heavier than now.

He failed.

And he knows it.

He knows that if something were to happen to the impossible product of the passionate love he and Natasha once shared, the consequences will be catastrophic. Natasha's wrath knows no bounds when it comes to her one and only offspring.

If something were to happen to their beloved daughter, Bucky would be the only one to blame.

"I swear that I'm going to bring our little girl back here safe and sound." Bucky met Natasha's tearful gaze, determination shining in his eyes. "It's my duty as a father, Natalia."

Natasha took a deep breath; her facade momentarily dropped in front of the man she once laid bare her soul and body.

In front of the man who knew all her scars, seen and unseen.

"You better, or I won't be Natalia for you anymore. You'll have to meet Natasha if you don't fulfill your duty as her Papa." Natasha quietly sniffed before taking a step backwards, her back straightening as she regained her composure. "You have 24 hours to bring my daughter back home, or else I am going to tie you both to my car, drag you through the entire New York before slowly boiling you to your death and cut you up in pieces and feed you to Reaper, who would be more than delighted to eat you."

Natasha pointed to Reaper, your dog, a towering Doberman who could devour a person in seconds if commanded, but otherwise a gentle and loving companion.

Reaper slowly walked to Natasha and nudged her hand with his nose, looking up at her as if he knew that something was terribly wrong.

Despite having a scary appearance, Reaper was a loyal companion and fiercely protective of you and Natasha.

But more specifically, of you.

Natasha had bought Reaper three years ago for you, hoping that you would find a friend in that puppy and learn to be responsible at the same time.

But you and Reaper had become so much more than just friends.

It was as if you and he were connected by an invisible bond that transcended any logical explanation.

"What is it, boy?" Natasha asked, concerned, her voice soft, as she crouched down next to the dog, petting his head. "What happened?"

Reaper looked at Natasha, and in that moment, the three people in the room could see tears forming in the animal's eyes.

It was as if a lightbulb lit up above Natasha's head when she saw it, her heart dropping to her stomach.

"Is Y/N, isn't she, Reaper?" Natasha hesitated to ask as if the dog could answer her with words. "What happened to Y/N, boy? What happened to her?"

All adults watched intently every move the Doberman made, holding their breath in anticipation.

Reaper let out a whimper before his muscular body collapsed to the floor with a long sigh at Natasha's feet, his fall cushioned by the soft carpet beneath their feet.

Natasha's eyes widened with dread; Bucky's brows furrowed in confusion, and Maria's steady hands unexpectedly started trembling.

They knew it was physically impossible, but they couldn't deny that this sign scared them.

Natasha slowly stood back up from her crouched position and took a deep breath before she directed her attention back to her two trusted friends.

"Go!" Natasha ordered angrily. "Leave and find Y/N as soon as possible. I swear that you will not live to see tomorrow's sunrise if my baby isn't back in my arms by then."

Bucky and Maria nodded and hurriedly rushed out of the room, both desperate to achieve one goal.

Bring Y/N safely back home.

—

"I don't give a fuck that your men are out undercover on the streets of Asgard, Thorvald," Natasha shouted into the phone's speaker. "You're going to gather them all from that city's streets and send them to find any trace of my daughter. End of discussion!"

Natasha ended the call before she threw her phone on her desk with a long sigh.

"Remind me again why I have made an ally out of Thorvald Odinson?" Natasha placed her head into her hands.

Clint, Natasha's best friend and most trusted person, looked up at her and shrugged.

"Maybe because Thor saved your life during an attack where he could have easily let you die?" The man raised his eyebrow. "Or maybe because he genuinely cares about you, and I bet that right in this moment, he already has all his men retreated from the streets and sent out to scout the area around HYDRA's territory?"

"That's because he has the personality of a Golden Retriever." Natasha pointed out with a scoff. "His hair included."

"That's true." Clint nodded. "But you must admit he has been a loyal friend and a great hide and seek partner for Y/N."

A faint smile made its way onto Natasha's lips before it was quickly replaced by a frown.

"I am so worried, Clint." Natasha's voice shook as she looked up with tearful eyes at her friend. "I'm scared that something bad happened to Y/N. It's all my fault that she had to see me as what I truly am." She took a deep breath before continuing. "A monster."

Clint took a few steps forward and placed a comforting hand on Natasha's shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze.

"It's not your fault, Nat." Clint said in a sympathetic voice. "You only tried to protect her. You tried to hide her from the horrors of the world you had been forced to live in because you didn't want her to have the same childhood as you did."

"And at what cost?!" Natasha threw her hands into the air. "Look where it had brought me."

"We're going to find her, Tasha." The man reassured his friend.

All of a sudden, the door of Natasha's office burst open, and Bucky, Steve, and Maria ran inside, pure terror written on their faces as Bucky clung to something in his right hand.

Natasha shot to her feet as her eyes searched the faces before her for reassurance, but the only thing she found was her own panic mirrored on her friends' faces.

Clint followed suit and straightened his back as he understood that something was terribly wrong.

"Nat..." Bucky breathed out, his eyes swimming in unshed tears.

Natasha took a few tentative steps towards Bucky, a deafening silence enveloping the room as the powerful boss stopped in front of the man who once was hers.

No words were spoken, but Natasha understood.

Bucky lifted his arm and showed the redheaded woman the object he was tightly holding.

Natasha's breath caught in her throat, and the world around her started spinning.

The people around her instinctively took a step forward, but Bucky was quicker in reacting as he managed to catch the woman just in time.

"Natalia!" Bucky shouted as he supported Natasha's weight with one arm while shaking her head with the other.

"Natasha, are you okay?" Steve asked, concerned.

But Natasha didn't respond. She remained limp in Bucky's arms, her face pale, and her eyes wide with shock. The room fell into a heavy silence as everyone watched helplessly.

Finally, Natasha took a shuddering breath, and her eyes refocused. She looked up at Bucky, her voice barely a whisper. "Is... is that... Y/N's shirt?"

Bucky nodded, his own voice filled with pain. "I'm so sorry, Talia. They sent it to us... drenched in her blood."

Tears welled up in Natasha's eyes as she clutched onto Bucky tightly, the weight of the situation finally hitting her.

They had confirmed her worst fear: Y/N had been taken by HYDRA, and there was no doubting the severity of the situation.

Natasha pulled away from Bucky and steadied herself, her eyes darting around the room. "We need to find her. We need to bring her home."

Steve stepped forward, determination etched on his face. "We'll do everything we can, Nat. We'll find her."

Natasha nodded, her resolve hardening. "I don't care what it takes. I don't care who gets in our way. We are going to bring our daughter back."

Clint stepped forward, his voice steady. "We have contacts, Nat. We have resources. We'll use everything at our disposal to track down HYDRA and get her back."

Maria, who had been silently observing, finally spoke up. "I'll coordinate with our intelligence network. We'll gather all the information we can and find any possible leads."

Natasha looked at each person in the room, gratitude and determination in her eyes. "Thank you, all of you. We're a family, and we're going to fight for our little heir."

But as she tightly clung to the small, bloodied shirt of her baby girl, Natasha couldn't escape the panic and worry that had engulfed her brain and heart, one question lingering.

Was Y/N still alive?

—

Permanent taglist: @observeowl , @circe143 , @mmmmokdok , @justarandomreaderxoxo , @theunchosenonee , @lovelyy-moonlight , @natsxwife , @lizlil , @darkstar225 , @dannipotatoo , @ravensinthedaylight , @halstead-severide-fan , @daggersquadphantom , @froufrousnowman , @youralphawolf72 , @cherlenovix

[artandhijinks]

My experience with the worst most toxic parts of the IWTV fandom

Okay, there are going to be details here that are changed or admitted for obvious mostly safety reasons. And I personally don't care if you think I'm lying, but it was still a scary experience and I do think there are people in the fandom that need to be aware this crap goes on all over fictional characters. So warning they're going to be mentions of threats a violence, doxing, harassment, the works, It was bad.

Okay a few months ago. I kicked the hornets nest when it comes to the worst part of the interview with the vampire fandom. I had engaged in some fan discourse. Made a couple of posts. A lot of it had to do with defending the added diversity with the casting of Assad and Jacob. Theorizing about possible characters in the future that can be race swapped how it could be a good thing and how it could be historically possible. You get the idea. I love what the show is done with all the race swapping it has added so much to the story.

And then all the sudden I woke up to my inbox being full of over 100 anonymous ask that ranged from the average calling me evil racist. I didn't know the books. How dare I it was ruining the story. I should kill myself. The usual online internet harassment. It was horrible. And they kept on coming and would not stop until I shut off anonymous ask. And they will remain off because of this but again I had well over 100 messages to go through. And it took me well over a week to go through them but when I got to like the last I think 10 one of them stuck out. Not because it was particularly bad because apparently I pissed off the Armand people who don't realize how creepy it is and kind of comes off as pro pedophilia when all of you insist that he has to be 17 much less the racist issues. There's a reason it took me over a week to go through all the messages they made my skin crawl. But this particular message scared the crap out of me it was a death threat with my home address. Someone cared so much about a fictional character. They tracked down my address and threaten to kill me. So guess who immediately started screenshotting the rest of the messages. And had to make a police report. Do you know what it's like having to explain to cops? Yes, I got a death threat with my address over a fictional gay vampire. No, getting death threats over Tumblr is not new to me unfortunately, but my address was new and that I want documented. So being harassed by a couple racist book purists turned into a police report and me buying security cameras. Thank you Tumblr. I nearly deleted the app.

I don't even know if I want to finish the Vampire Chronicles books now because of you idiots you took it way too far. And the worst part is I'm white. I can only imagine what you idiots are doing to the fans of color. Again someone tracked down my address to threaten to kill me. But again it's documented. I filed a police report and if any of you idiots try something I got cameras now.

And for all those who are going to be demanding proof well I thought about sharing a redacted screenshot or maybe a redacted version of the police report. But I decided I would ask the cops what they thought just to be safe. I'm glad I did because they advised me not to do that and they explained to me there is technology out there that if someone really wanted to they can remove that redacting. And I already have one crazy person that knows my address and is threatening to kill me so I don't want another one. So everyone is just going to have to take my word for it. However the cops were all for me sharing my story because of the rise of things like swatting. A in a nearby police department had to deal with a middle schooler (so a 11 to 13-year-old) who made a bomb threat at their school because they didn't want to take a test. So, they think this would be good for people to hear because what you do on the internet does have real life consequences.

So remember people the internet is real life. These things have real life consequences. And I'm pretty sure these people thought it was a joke. But now I have to worry about things like someone breaking into my house killing me or swatting. Which is something I didn't even think of until the cops brought it up. And it does affect my real life. I'm looking to move and hopefully we'll be out of my house soon. So, thank you, Internet stranger

So to sum it all up. The fandom needs to take a bunch of chill pills and calm down. Because we are literally harassing, bullying and threatening people out of the fandom. Again, I thought about leaving Tumblr due to this experience and now I'm having to move. Thank you. Interview with the vampire fandom please do better.

[soleilnmity]

MEDIA - ラジオCD「20th ANNIVERSARY ペルソナラジオ」 [JP/ENG]

Title: Persona 20th Anniversary "Persona Radio" Download Link

The Persona 20th Anniversary Radio was a weekly broadcast featuring various voice actors from the Persona series, and it then got released in CD format for the 20th anniversary!

I was always curious about Koyasu's thoughts regarding P2 and his inclusion on this CD because it was the first time he was called out for something anniversary-related, so I comissioned a translation of his radio appearance!

The translation has been done by the wonderful @currytantou so all kudos to her! The video is long and heavy so tumblr doesn't let me attach it directly uhsdfkj

Some things of note:

Koyasu likes Trinity Soul (likely because he voiced Kanzato Ryo www) and wishes others gave it a chance, not to erase it's existence.

Koyasu is a huge Megaten fan and he started with Mainline and Devil Survivor. He was also in other (old?) Atlus streams as well.

Koyasu has also played Megami Ibunroku Persona, and his favorite character there is Nanjo. He wanted to voice him.

Tatsuya's voice was always meant to be deep. Koyasu was told several times to actually deepen his voice when recording for Tatsuya.

Koyasu's favorite option for Tatsuya is Lisa. He immediately replies "Ginko" without a doubt lmao.

He loves Tatsuya very much, and complains about Atlus "removing him when they're coming up with something". He wishes he was more relevant and that he could voice him again.

Additionally, here's congratulatory messages of all members that are featured on the CD

Koyasu Takehito:

Nova Cytheeeerrrr!! Persona 2 Innocent Sin/Eternal Punishment is a work that'll be forever in my heart, so I was very happy to have been able to participate this way. I'd love to do it again (lol) That's all!

Akira Ishida:

Thank you for listening to the 20th Anniversary Persona Radio. I can only express my gratitude to all of you who have run alongside me in this 10-year marathon of “Persona 3"

I'm confident that this is content I can present to the new fans who will support us for the next 10 years. I hope you will continue to support the Persona series"

Hikaru Midorikawa:

I'm glad to have been able to participate as a guest this time. I wonder if this will be my last work related to "Persona 3"? But I had a lot of fun talking to Ishida-san♥

Namikawa Daisuke

It's been a while since we last spoke, but once we started talking, it didn't take long for us to get back to the atmosphere of that time. It was a fun time! I hope I was able to deliver it in style…

Kanda Akemi

It was fun!! It's been a while since I've had the "Persona" feeling, and I really loved it. Thank you!!

Kappei Yamaguchi

It didn't feel that it's been that long! The cast of "Persona 4" are all good friends, so I would be happy if we could do something for the 20th again♪

Fukuyama Jun

This is Jun Fukuyama, playing as P5's protagonist! I was supposed to tell you about the charms of P5, but I ended up focusing on the fun stories of each character, but that's alright!!

Aoi Yuuki

Eh!? No way Fukuyama-san is a cheater…! Eh!? To think Fukuyama-san could do something like that…! Eh!? Fukuyama-san…! It was a lot of fun to hear this side of him…(lol) Of course, we're talking about P5☆

Unfortunately, not *all* of the CD is translated (I would die x_x, these interviews are so fast paced and like 40 mins each!!!). If you want to know the 345 side of the interviews, you can trust curry for a translation~

But to compensate, this has nothing to do with the 20th anniversary, but I also comissioned an additional message that appeared in the somewhat recent 25th anniversary as well! This is one of the first instances of Maya's VA, Akiko Yajima, to have been invited to an anniversary-related event too!

I'm mostly a p2 blog so I wanted to take the opportunity to post this during Tatsuya's birthday as well. So please enjoy!

[ravenwoodalum]

on karamelle, why it sucks, and redeeming azteca's reputation.

I just got to Karamelle for the second time, and good lord. I hadn't forgotten how much I hated it, but it hit me like a wall of bricks. And I'm already preparing myself to marathon it and be fucking done questing here for at least a year.

I think it breaks down like this.

Baby's first workers rights movement/sugary-sweet surveillance state Listen. I know this is a game that doesn't allow for player characters to have much individual impact on the in-game narrative. I know we've had to do errands for cops. I know we work for a war criminal. I KNOW there are flaws in the system. But there's something about the way that Karamelle's set up that makes it all feel so. much. worse. And that's the fact that Karamelle has such a stellar reputation within the Spiral before this. The happiest place in the Spiral, the sweetest treats in the Spiral. Everyone seems to fucking love this place. Almost no one outside of those actually working there seem to understand how corrupt it is. And so the YW is talked down to at every turn, like this is their first exposure to a corrupt environment. And sure, maybe it is within, canon. YW gets isekai'd at a very young age and then made into a child soldier, maybe this is actually the first time in canon that they've been introduced to these concepts. But (and this may just be me) it feels really rude to the player -- who might actually have experience with these ideas -- to make them feel like a fucking idiot with the dialogue options. Karamelle's characters just feel rude.

Oh, so the Gobblers were a fatphobic, Roald Dahl type thing from the start. Cool cool cool. Any of you ever read Roald Dahl's book "The Twits"? It's a very unremarkable story all things considered, except for this bit.

Aside from Roald Dahl's unavoidable history of antisemitism, does this remind you of anything? Honestly, this reminds me of the Gobbblers.

We first meet the Gobblers around level 10 in Wizard City -- creatures driven by consumption. And then we get to Empyrea and hear that the Alphoi -- skinny "civilized" creatures -- can become Gobblers if they eat too much or are unhealthy in their eating habits. Which makes one of our oldest running enemies a loop-around fatphobic thing, ESPECIALLY when we get to them in Karamelle, the home world of the Gobblers. Rosina, especially, just oozes fatphobia and diet culture. The literal vilification of being fat isn't even subtext, it's just text.

The Old One, The Cabal, and what to do when your escape from the world ends up shoving what you were escaping from right back in your face. When I was in sophomore year of college, fall of 2019, I had one of the worst mental health periods of my life. Antisemitism was fucking everywhere, I was always a moment away from a panic attack, and it felt like no one understood. While I'm lucky in the fact that I was able to get an official diagnosis for genetically inherited PTSD, alongside the reassurance that I wasn't fucking crazy, there was a period when I just needed to go home for a moment. So when I was going back to my dorm from the dining hall to make sure all my stuff was ready to go, I opened up tumblr and made a post on a long-gone RP sideblog I had for the Swedish Chef (y'know, from The Muppets? long story), and before I'd even gotten halfway across campus, I'd received threatening and violent messages from someone RPing as Borat, which only got worse when they realized they were talking to an actual Jewish person.

That escape from reality didn't even last five fucking minutes before the horrors I was trying to avoid found me.

Now, Wizard101 has always been a source of comfort for me. I made my account fourteen years ago, and I do not know what my life would look like if I hadn't done that. There are flaws with this game, yes, sure, but over the past five years (since I got a wiz compatible laptop) I've developed a bit of a reliance on it to get me through the horrors. No better form of escapism.

But no art form is free of the horrors.

And Wizard101 has the fucking Cabal and Old One.

The Cabal within the fiction of Wizard101 is a secret, nefarious organization pulling the strings on events across the Spiral, controlling history from the shadows. This term literally originates in antisemitic conspiracy theory, with the term 'cabal' originating from the term for Jewish mysticism, 'kabbalah'. And I promise you, you've heard plenty of applications of this conspiracy theory in real life too. It feeds into the idea that Jews (or 'global elite') control the government, the media, the banks.

And then, we get to the man in control of it all. The Old One. Whether or not this was intended, he's a walking, talking antisemitic caricature. The octopus as a symbol for the mythical Elders of Zion is a longstanding dogwhistle (see attached for a guide to this and many other visual dogwhistles). "Oh, he's based on H.P. Lovecraft-" So he's based on the works of a famous racist and antisemite, cool cool cool.

It's just exhausting, walking through a world that is so clearly modeled after Germany and other parts of eastern Europe, and finding antisemitism around every corner. And even more exhausting considering it's almost impossible to tell if they meant to do it. Antisemitism is so fucking ingrained in the world at this point that I don't actually know what they meant to do here, what they did maliciously or out of ignorance, or if any of it was put in with the purpose of turning it on its head. Over the past few years, it has become glaringly obvious that a lot of people don't realize when they're running across antisemitism, or even taking part in it. Including people I really thought would know better.

Side note. For those of you who know I see Dasein as Jewish, you may be wondering how I balance that out with the antisemitic nature of The Old One, since they share a physical form. I think of it like this. Dasein did not choose The Old One. He did not choose to resemble that, but he can attempt to reclaim it. Dasein's Judaism comes not from the resemblance he holds to the hatred that haunts us, but from the love that keeps us going. He questions authority and longstanding tradition, chooses to do what's right instead of what's expected, and is kind in the face of hatred. He literally makes himself, and a world, out of nothingness. Something out of Nothing. He's so Jewish you guys.

The Spiral's "Worst World Award" goes to... I know we all say "fuck Azteca" pretty often on this website, but I don't think it deserves to be deigned the worst world in Wiz. My main gripe with Azteca is how inaccessible it gets after Xibalba strikes -- the flashing lights aren't exactly photosensitive friendly. Which further lends frustration to my completionist nature, meaning I have to finish all quests, badges, and fishing before I finish the world (making it take forever to finish). Aside from that, there really isn't that much wrong with the world (and if you argue that it sucks because you can't save Azteca, I get it, but some tragedies are inescapable by their very nature). It's a problem of gameplay, versus a problem of plot in the case of Karamelle. And maybe its just because I'm a writer, but problems with plot feel much more egregious. I really do think Karamelle deserves more vitriol than it gets.

G-d, I can't wait to get to Lemuria.

[moyokeansimblr]

Update

Not feeling so hot and I'm not going to do anything impulsive at 8PM on a Friday evening but

here is a link to a sfs folder with ALL of my content that's currently only hosted on patreon.

I want to add individual sfs links to the tumblr posts but that's a lot and I'm now regretting never adding alt dl links this whole time... and sorry I don't think the downloads in the sfs folder are in order... it also might be some other things, like fixed meshes or stuff. tbh I just added everything I've made after April 3rd 2023 since that was the last time I uploaded anything to sfs.

I guess while I'm here... I was going to wait until after I finish up the last of my active requests (probably by Monday, I'm almost done) but I desperately need a break from CC. I sent a group message on the 17th to my $4 and $6 patrons encouraging them to cancel, but I know not everybody knows patreon even has dms so maybe you'll see this post and I'll reach out again in the coming days so nobody is wasting their money. I am so immensely burnt out and I need to not create for a while. This is completely my own fault, nobody made me work on CC for 8-10 hours 5 days a week for the last several months and I fully knew it wasn't sustainable ages ago but I kept doing it because it made me feel good, until it didn't. Quite honestly, even before I sent the group message the instant wave of relief I felt just having made the decision to take a break... that caught me off guard but just confirmed I need this. I do feel really awful about it because I feel like I'm letting people down but at the same time I don't want to hate creating which was already happening. That being said, I don't know how long the lull in CC is going to be, and if you're only following me strictly for CC I apologize. As said I am still finishing up one request I still had, I'm about 75% done with that as of this post. But that's gonna be it for a while.

There is a part of me that wants to stop using patreon completely and unpublish my creator page (which is what I'm not going to impulsively do tonight without properly thinking it through...since there are positives like how easy it is to download files and whatnot) but I'd again encourage not only those who joined the $4 and $6 tiers but also the $2 tier to cancel so that you aren't wasting your money. If I did do this I would definitely do the individual sfs links on everything first. I'd not just leave you guys unable to download my stuff.

So, what does that mean for this blog? I'll spare ye, impatient readers, who have already read a lot because I ramble⬇️

Well, as of posting this I still have THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FOUR Strangetown posts in my queue. And I'm not tired of playing that.

I'm looking forward to having an opportunity to do all of the things I've been neglecting. I'm finally going to go through the subfolder within my downloads of everything I'm downloaded the last few months and decide if I wanna keep it in my game or not. And finish default replacing everything. And all my other various little projects I haven't been doing.

Also, I want to start playing Veronaville 😮I've already started downloading lots from kattaty to replace the in-game ones, and I found a cool replacement for the neighborhood map. I am leaning towards making a new sub-blog for this so that you don't have to try and follow Strangetown/LFT posts and Veronaville/ALT posts at the same time. I've only ever played the Veronaville sims for like one day as part of a super failed megahood years ago so I'd like to get to know them.

So basically, I guess I'm a gameplay blog for now? Until I want to create anything again anyways, but I don't know when that will be.

I don't know how to end this post... I'm sorry for the disappointment, but thank you so much for enjoying my stuff 💛💛

[candycorncremator]

Unfortunately lower visual quality than I wanted be because Tumblr only allows 10 images so I smushed them into three canvases instead of two post. Anyway beta trolls Headcanon and some thoughts below the cut.

Aradia

Aradia is the design I probably have the most experience drawing of the beta trolls purely because of how many zines I’ve drawn her in the last year. I like thinking of her hair similar to Pinkie Pies’ in g4 of mlp, where it’s very curly bouncy in her alive and godtiered forms but straightens out more when she’s ghosting up the place and in Aradia-bot form. I didn’t realize until a recent zine I had been drawing her horns ways too low for comic accuracy but I am a creature of habit so I keep drawing them like that.

Tavros

I’ve grown to love this kid because of my recent reread but I do not like drawing them. Between the Mohawk and the long, straight horns, I don’t care to draw their most important traits so he unfortunately only gets drawn in these group drawings. As for the one ear being pierced, it’s kinda a reference to cow tags but also I think it just fits them.

Sollux

Sollux a pretty easy character to design. I just have to imagine a greasy nerd kid growing up too fast for him to put on weight, add his troll bits and voila. The snake bites are definitely a hold over from the humanstuck I made for him last year but I think it just kinda add to his whole vibe. The undershirt comes from someone who also sits in a hot-ass room most of my days and will wears a second layer so leaving the room won’t feel like stepping out into a frozen wasteland.

Karkat

Karkat for me has always been short and stout guy. Other than that most of his facial features are taken from me, being someone who also over exaggerates their faces and nearly always is squinting a little.

Nepeta

Between all my designs of Nepeta the only thing that ever changes with any consistency is her hair. Like giving her cleft lip scar because I gave it to my fan-descendent of her and it’s cute.

Kanaya

Like two months ago I saw a post on here saying give that girl a nose (in reference to Kanaya) and it was the single most true HC I have ever seen. I also like completely throw out any references I have of her when I draw her hair because I think she should have 1930’s waves and curls. I typically only have to draw the super simple eyes so the only thing I had to change was giving her actual eyes.

Terezi

Got pretty comic accurate but probably would erase some of the chin to imply she’s fat a little better if I wasn’t doing this more rigid style.

Vriska

Also pretty comic accurate with the exception of the snake bites which is probably because I don’t draw her a lot and I don’t think about her much enough looks wise to have any specific head canons.

Equius

Goodness his hair gave me a struggle, kept on looking like a balding metal head until I added the pushed back stuff. Also returned back to drawing pseudo animal ears by giving him horse ears only angle to better fit a humanoid head.

Gamzee

I hate their make-up but every thing else about drawing them is a dream; goat ears, not straight hair, simple horns, silly little guy. What more could I ask for.

Eridan

And I’m almost done but unfortunately this doofus is next and requires the most detailed bust even in canon. Due to drawing them in this year’s 413 countdown I know how I like styling their hair and fins so I basically just chop the hair up since this is suppose to be during comic hcs and then follow their canon and Pesterquest designs with a few added features and boom. I was drawing everyone with the dark grey lips but I forgot for Eridan so I’ll just say they use concealer on their lips.

Feferi

Yippee! Back to ignoring canon and just giving her the biggest eyes on account of her glasses and cute piercings. I originally based her fins off of lion fish fins but they’re definitely more based off of betta ventral fin now.